"Body positivity is for women, not lazy white guys with dad bods"
This week we start with some encouraging poetry for our big, brave boys in charge: Donald Trump and Elon Musk Then, we spend the majority of the episode piercing the thinly-veiled right wing satire on an "intersectional feminine culture" website called IQfy, with articles such as "Are DMT entities racist?," and "He beat up my BF & I can't stop masturbating to it." After reading these and a couple more pieces whose titles I'd rather not type out, let's just say this site gets pretty weird. This is the last month to sign up for our Patreon for only $3.11/month, because now, patrons receive a bonus episode every week as well as access to our weekly livestream show: Death Chat 500. Starting in December, a new patreon subscription will be $5/month. Everyone signed up before then will be grandfathered into the $3.11/month price. Thanks for the years of support. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult Music: Slow Remix - 311 - Amber (Slowed Down) Pile - Loops Broken Social Scene - Our Faces Split the Coast in Half
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get yourself.
All their environmental stuff.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Women pegging their European husbands is responsible.
We're documenting it.
What's up everybody?
It's your show for the week.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
You know what?
Big news.
We have big news to announce.
Cue up.
Let me get a solemn, slow, minor key version of Amber playing in the background here because it is time.
We are finally laying to rest the $3.11 Patreon tier.
What movie is going to do the slow, somber cover of Amber over their trailer?
Is there going to be a Replacements 2 with Keanu Reeves?
That's gonna be it.
They should do like a whole Replacements 4, where it's like there's a secret society of professional football washouts.
That whole movie is about breaking a strike.
There's a football player strike and Keanu Reeves is a fucking scab and the Evil Union football players trash his car as a scab and we're supposed to feel sorry for him.
No, that's what they're supposed to do.
That's what happens.
He's not only a scab, it's not only pro-scab, it's also pro-prison labor.
Everything about that movie sucks.
In the meantime, while we're not writing that, yeah, you're right.
The days of 311 are going.
They're gone.
Sorry, I'm still just stuck on imagining Keanu Reeves being let free from prison to go work at a Starbucks in Seattle.
To cross a picket line in Seattle.
Oh yeah, totally.
I'm gonna make everyone's day.
I'm gonna make it.
Hey, listen.
I don't care.
I'm gonna make this people's third place, okay?
No, okay.
End of an era.
Formerly the best deal in podcasting, $3.11 for the Patreon is being retired.
Hang up the 3.11 jersey in the rafters because next month we are raising the Patreon price to $5 a month.
Not for no reason, though, because guess what?
It's 2022, baby, and we are pivoting to video.
We're doing it.
We're doing it.
We're putting our faces in front of the camera so you can see how often I mouth breathe.
You get to witness that now.
I know you felt it the whole time, but now you get to watch it.
Remember the tech boom of 2010 where everybody pivoted to video and they were all so successful by doing it?
That's what we're doing as well.
But it's not quite a pivot.
It's more of an addition.
We're adding a new arrow to our quiver.
That's right.
Every Saturday, including last Saturday by the way, we are going live for patrons only.
We are doing a live stream, live chat, where we chat with patrons.
We also discuss such topics as my favorite new metal horror movies that I watched last month.
Wholesome television shows and underrated black sitcoms from from yesteryear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My stepdad, we talk about my step... we talk about my stepdad on like every episode, I think, going forward.
That's it, because we didn't talk about your stepdad enough during yesterday's episode.
I think we need to make that like a standing segment, just, you know, check-ins with a stepdad.
Yeah, so because of this, because of four additional bonus episodes every month, We are raising the Patreon to five bucks a month, which we think is more than fair.
Uh, we want to be even more than more than fair.
So we're allowing everybody who's at the 3.11 tier, uh, by the end of this month, everybody through this month who is at or signs up at the 3.11 tier, you're locked in.
You're grandfathered in.
You're a, you're a chill.
You're a chilled person for life, baby.
One of the original Minion Death Commandos.
After that, boom, goes up to five bucks.
Want to get in early.
It's always smart.
Always smart to get in early.
That's right.
When we have the meetups, you're going to have little chats about, like, oh, are you on the old contract?
I heard about the old contract.
The old contract's sick.
Just like, you know, you do amongst, like, other, like, grocery workers, you know, who got the old contract and not the new contract.
And yeah, you get to stay at that $3.11, that $3.11 price point.
And we're excited to do that for you.
Well, everybody is going to get a badge.
When you sign up for the Patreon, you're going to get a badge.
And if you sign up next month, you'll get a little badge that says 311 parentheses $5.
And you click on the 311 and it says this person paid $5.
But then other people are going to get a 3.11 badge and then underneath it, it'll say 3.11 Official.
Yeah, and you'll know that every time you get that little $3.11 charge, you're slightly better than everyone else that came in after you.
Yeah.
And don't forget that.
That's a little badge of honor.
So Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
One of our live videos is already up there.
Man, what a blast.
That shit was so fun.
A lot of fun.
Can't wait to do it again this Saturday at 5 p.m.
Pacific Standard Time.
That's kind of the time that seems to be working best for most of the patrons.
So that's what we'll be doing going forward.
Maybe we'll change it up to To accommodate some of our European listeners every once in a while.
I haven't decided that, but 5 p.m.
this Saturday, the episodes will remain available only to Patreon subscribers after we've recorded.
But of course, you want to get in there and chat with us while we're live.
Also, those episodes will be released later as an audio only episode.
So in the Patreon feed, you'll if you're not a video person, but you still want to hear us chat, you'll get that in your in your Patreon feed as well.
I'm going to upload the The Death Chat 500 premiere first episode to the Patreon feed tonight.
Awesome.
The chat was sick.
It was so cool seeing familiar names in there going off and unfamiliar names in there going off.
The chat's sick.
I think it's only going to get cooler from here on out.
I'm very excited about it.
Hop on the death cult train, you know?
Yeah, I think this week we're gonna do some perusing of music videos.
This week.
We might also peruse my Facebook alt.
My alt account where much of the content from this show is derived.
So, we might just scroll through there.
You'll get to see the internet through my eyes, maybe.
Hell yeah.
Great.
Moving on.
So, you know, we've been talking a lot about elections and electoral politics and such.
And, you know, we've kind of mentioned a couple times a lot of people mad at Donald Trump.
A lot of people not happy with Trump's performance in the midterms.
His, you know, endorsed candidates didn't do so well.
He responded by vigorously attacking the most successful Republican who was elected, that a lot of people already kind of liked more than Trump.
So a lot of barbs flying in his direction.
And so I did want to take this time to maybe offer a different narrative.
Offer some support for our president, Donald Trump.
Well, I mean, I don't know what all the fuss is about.
He made it very clear before this happened.
He said, listen, if the Republicans lose, that's not my fault.
But if they do win, you're welcome.
That is, that was because of me.
He made that very clear and people, it's like they didn't listen to that.
Well, he also said, he also said, They're not going to do that, though.
They are going to blame me if they lose.
And he was right about that.
He was right.
He said they shouldn't blame me if they lose.
They should only blame me if they win, but they're still going to blame me if they lose.
And wouldn't you know it?
Wow, what the heck?
Waters wet.
Donald Trump was right.
OK, but yeah, there's also areas of encouragement on the Internet and Truth Social is one of them.
And I have something here from Yale PhD.
On Truth Social.
And I'm just gonna read it here.
It's clearly a smart person.
They have a PhD from Yale, so pay attention, folks.
Donald J. Trump.
He must be a machine.
Always looks sharp.
Presentation pristine.
And it's got the, like, goal hands.
Yeah, yeah, the praise, big ups hands.
I love presentation pristine and I'm picturing like Donald Trump just shaped like a rectangle with a thumbs up at like belly height, elbow, perfectly 90 degree angle.
Yep.
Yeah, what they really mean is that we just know that he's washed his hands in like the last 90 seconds before he gets up there.
Probably pretty like disease free.
I think that's what they're talking about is like his it's been sanitized.
At least the surface area.
Yeah.
I think that's maybe what they mean because he looks quite disheveled pretty regularly.
But I think, yeah, pristine as in sanitized for sure.
But when he's giving us truth, it won't always be clean.
No, no.
But he's got a way with words, parentheses, if you know what I mean.
And there's a winky face.
Hey.
And you know, he can't even use emojis up on that stage.
He has to rely just on being a good orator.
He can't, you know, do the winky face emoji like Yale PhD has to, to get their point across.
He's got a way with words, if you know what I mean.
Like, is that a double entendre?
What is, if you know what, is that like, she's saying like he, he's like sex words?
I think he makes sexy words.
He loves our country, and it clearly shows.
A true patriot, from his hair to his toes.
Okay.
I guess you had to go hair, because that's like a signature thing.
But all it made me think of was that he was like covered in hair from his head to his toes.
That's the way I thought of that.
Like, I'll have toe hair for sure.
I heard the word toes, and just, you know, something lit up inside me.
And I imagine in a lot of people.
As if this wasn't already horny enough.
He has our respect, but our love for him grows.
And we're still catching up with what he already knows.
And there's a thinking face, the thinking face you do when you're trying to figure out what the fuck Trump knows.
Hmm.
Hmm.
There must be something else that he knows that I don't know because none of this makes sense.
Yeah.
Think about the stuff he hasn't told us.
That's, that's really, that's a lot.
He knows we can't handle all the truth as a mass.
Sorry sir, can you repeat the last five sentences you said?
We're struggling to keep up with everything you know.
His energy is contagious.
Trump rallies are the best!
Thumbs up.
Where we go one, we go all.
And to all, may God bless.
American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji, praying hands.
American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji, American Flag Emoji.
I do want to point out that this author was brave enough to use the white emojis.
These are not yellow emojis.
These are seemingly Caucasian emojis.
She somehow got a white smiley face.
I didn't know that was possible.
Maybe on Truth Social you can get the white smiley.
It took a minute for me to read what that was.
I thought it was like a clown, but no, it's definitely just like a white smiley face.
Okay, so what a beautiful poem.
Thank you so much, Yale PhD.
I mean, that like...
I mean, was this a PhD in musical theory?
Was this a PhD in creative writing?
Because Jesus Christ, if this isn't your only talent, I'm afraid.
I'm afraid for what the future holds for the left, if these are the kind of people you got on your side.
Thank you so much, Yale PhD, who wrote this poem to Donald Trump.
And Trump quote-truthed it.
He quote-truthed it and said, thank you.
That's what you call it.
Yeah, you truth it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yep.
Yep.
Wow.
And I can't, I didn't know that there are that many people on truth social to get 14,000 likes.
I didn't realize there were that many.
That's, that's interesting.
That's good to know.
Um, man, is this what you have to do when you're a politician?
Like people write, write, uh, really good poems about you and you have to be like, thank, thank you for the poem.
Yeah.
Adult.
Yale Ph.D.?
Can you get a life, please?
Do you have, like, do you have a job?
I'm assuming, like, the Ph.D.
means you're, like, a professional of some kind.
Can you do that instead of writing poetry about me?
But thank you.
You know, what's really interesting is I'm seeing that this Yale Ph.D.
comment is not, like, an individual post.
This is a reply.
Yale Ph.D.
was replying to somebody with this.
They were replying to LadyPatriot88.
That's interesting.
That's a whole different talent.
Yeah, I think you do have to... If you do respond to somebody in the comments with a poem about me, I will probably repost it and say thank you with an exclamation mark.
Wow.
This is good stuff.
Just have the best fans.
The most artistic.
You know, they say the other team has the artistic ones, if you know what I'm talking about.
I disagree.
That's close-minded.
I think that's very close-minded.
That's... yeah, that was beautiful.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna see that... I hope we do see that on, like, a wooden plaque, like, burned into wood, you know?
Well, this is what you gotta do.
Anybody's not, you know, familiar with Twitter or Truth Social.
You gotta get in those replies.
I mean, that's how you... that's how you make a...
Make yourself stick out, you know this she probably Yale probably has this truth to her profile which by like It's pinned.
It's her it's her truth truth at the top of her profile.
It probably it's the penultimate truth.
Yeah Yeah, so amazing.
Uh, so glad I got to read the poem the Trump poem and I was I had that planned for this episode, and then I remembered that there was another poem.
I remembered I had another poem in my back pocket that we never discussed on the show, because we were doing a lot of Elon Musk content for a while there.
Well, we don't talk about your love for poetry enough, because you do love poetry.
We don't talk about that enough, and I'm glad that we're finally making space for that.
Because I like to see you flex muscles you don't get to flex all the time on this show, so I'm happy that poetry is finally coming up because I know that you're a fan of prose and whatnot.
So I'm glad that we get to examine that.
Yeah, well, I've always said boys like rap.
Men enjoy poetry.
I do remember you saying that.
Yeah, I think that's how we met.
Remember you called me boy, but you're like, no, no, not like that.
Just in the sense that you like rap.
Just in the sense that you like rap.
And where I like, I had to respect that, you know?
So I saw this fucking thing.
This is a poem that somebody made in MS Paint.
This is the poem that they signed with their full name.
Yeah, so this is by Jerry Wayne Johnson, 2022.
Not to be confused with my good friend Jerry Wayne Wolbright.
Shout out Jerry if you ever listen to this.
Different Jerry.
So the top of this is like clip art of elephant cheerleaders.
So like little cartoon, like cutesy cartoon female.
These are female elephants because they have wigs and bows in their hair.
Elephant cheerleaders and they used to have something else on their t-shirts but Jerry Wayne Johnson has a rate has scrubbed whatever like generic team name was on their t-shirt and on these four elephants he's put E L O and N. What's that spell?
Like that's amazing.
I do love these little elephants.
I'm happy that they went with the wigs and bow ties gendering rather than like making them like, because I will say these are cute, adorable elephants.
These are not sexy elephants like you would think they would go.
These are not busty elephants.
They have cute, they're just cute little chubby elephants.
They look like plump toddlers.
Who are cheerleaders.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's done tastefully.
So I'm happy that that's who's rooting for Elon, is plump toddler elephant cheerleaders.
Yeah, so, and these elephants are of course animated, you know, in a metaphorical sense.
I mean that figuratively.
They're like jumping around and like bustling together.
So just imagine that animation in your head as I read this.
Imagine four jolly elephant cheerleaders, you know, bumping against each other, jumping and cheering.
Not a lot of coordination there, but they got the spirit.
Alright.
Yes they do.
Jibber jabber.
Jabber jibber.
Blah blah blah.
Twitter critters.
Quite embittered.
Rah rah rah.
Flitter flitter.
Snicker snitter.
As you're swirling down the shitter.
Dot dot.
Flush musk flush.
Flush musk flush.
For Elon!
That, that did not like go the, I didn't expect like the haters to become actual pieces of shit that were gonna be like actually flushed by, by Musk.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow, okay.
That's, that's cool.
What?
This is a full-on cheer.
What?
Fuck, Jerry Wayne Johnson, god damn it.
What is wrong with you?
Yeah.
That was... That's... Like, I think it came... I think it came up organically, too.
I think he was doing, like, a cheer, and was, like, thinking about Elon, and was like, I could make this.
And this is... This is amazing.
Twitter critter is quite embittered.
Raw, raw, raw.
Flitter?
What the hell is flitter?
Flitter, flitter.
Snicker, snitter.
When she's snicking on your snitter and you flitter flitter.
You know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I... That... This whole thing is so... It's so childish.
That's what's funny.
It's like, this is... It's baby fascism.
This is the work of an actual... It's baby fascism.
It's Facebook in a nutshell, man.
It's... This... Yeah.
This is... It's literally way to go, Elon.
You're my hero.
Flush, Milan, flush.
I guess I'd be like, push.
Like, push him.
Like, I don't know.
I don't know what this is.
This is amazing.
Yeah.
So that's the poetry segment of the episode.
I do wish that Jerry Wayne Johnson did a video of them reciting it because, um, again, you were kind of leaning into poetry and not so much leaning into cheerleader.
And I respect that.
But I do think that I do think that Jerry Wayne Johnson, if gets enough likes on this post, will go buy pom poms.
So this was shared into the Facebook group.
I'm not going to say by whom because it was, I think it was a fair share.
I think the share was fair.
Um, so I'm not trying to shame the person who did this.
I like this person.
They should keep posting, never stop posting.
Um, but there was a screenshot of an article shared into the Facebook group and the headline read, Body positivity is for women, not lazy white guys with dad bods.
Now, I'm pretty sure where this, at least one of the places where this went viral, was on the Reddit Men's Rights Forum.
Which is funny because I thought Reddit was like ban-happy about all this shit.
Like, the Men's Rights Forum must have really cleaned up their act to not get fucking shut down and locked by Reddit.
Yeah, I think that they're more clever about using the dog whistles in there for that purpose.
I think they're like, we need to keep this place a place for resources and we got to keep it cool.
So I think they're pretty good about that.
Yeah, so this was posted in the Men's Rights Reddit and editorializing.
I mean, just openly admitting The double standard.
These people, they don't even know it.
These feminists.
But they're admitting that they don't care about men.
They don't care about men's feelings.
They tell us, oh men, explore your feelings.
Don't be afraid to, you know, be in your feelings.
But then when you do, when you admit your feelings over and over to a woman who's blocked you on various social media accounts, they still reject you.
Yeah, what's that about?
Yeah, I just saw your post about, you know, like, accepting everybody.
So why don't you love me?
I saw this headline, and I see a lot of stupid shit online.
I see a lot of stupid, like, radfem shit.
You know, I see a lot of stupid shit in general.
But you see the kind of cringe, baby lib, rad femme stuff a lot.
So I was like, there might be a chance that this is real.
And Tony, I think you were mentioning before the show, you've encountered this actual sentiment.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's wild.
I've experienced this a lot.
As a lot of people who listen might know, I'm a hefty boy and I'm also very proud of my body.
I also find myself... I think I qualify as pretty sexy.
But I struggle with that stuff too.
A lot of us do struggle with...
Struggle with our bodies and how we feel in them and how they make us feel and how we fit into the conversation and I did a post sometime last year of and it was you know, pretty pretty risque post and I was talking about like about like experiencing body dysmorphia and the struggle with like embracing my body and who I am and you know all that stuff and it was cool except I got a ton I had to shut the comments down I got a ton of people telling me like uh like no
that's not what this is for it's not for like literally saying it's not for you this you just wanted to post like a slutty picture um like no that that's not what body dysmorphia is you're too sexy Tony They saw this photo and they were like, this motherfucker has sexy privilege.
What is he talking about trying to be happy with his body?
Motherfucker, this guy's doing cartwheels over here.
You might as well put him in a cheerleading outfit.
And all I was saying was like, Hey, everyone, this, everyone battles with this, like every person, you know, like everybody does feel that.
Um, and that's all I was saying.
And people like, people got real mad at me.
Like, Oh, you're just like, you're trying to take away from it, you know?
And it's like, Oh, what, what's happening here?
And it was exactly this.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
And unfortunately, I mean, it was, it was, it was interesting as it was coming a lot specifically from like, uh, who I would, who would probably be described as like skinny women.
So there was something there.
Um, and I think, cause I think the perception is, is like when people hear the term, like body dysmorphia, they think like, Oh, a skinny person who thinks they're fat.
And it's like, that's not what it is.
That's what you might be experiencing, but that's not what it is.
It's an overarching term.
Yeah, and that's really what it came, that's what the response was, was like, you know, this is not what you experience, your body doesn't experience the changes that my body experiences, things of that sort.
God forbid you ever share any amount of solidarity with some, God forbid you like show empathy with somebody who's not going through exactly the same thing as you because they're literally a different person.
But maybe something similar that people can commiserate over and share a common goal with, and it's like, nope, there's people who would rather not do that, would rather tear that down.
I will say there was a lot more solidarity than anything, but there was at least a good dozen people who reached out talking that way, being like, without me posting it, From my, like, you know, from my place of privilege, which is very true, like, I mean, my body might be what it is, but it can defend itself.
And it's got a lot of cool tattoos on it, too, so... Exactly, yeah.
You gotta be mindful of that.
Yeah, but that bit of privilege there too.
So I get that, but it was just like, that's not the response.
That's not the response that's needed here.
What if somebody was like, oh cool, Inland Empire tattoo.
Yeah man, I'm from the fucking high desert.
Alright?
Quit bragging.
Like somebody who thinks the IE is looking down on them.
Yeah, like if I got Victorville on my stomach, you'd probably think I'm a racist.
I'm like, no, it's the Iron Crosses flanking the Victorville that make me feel that way.
I don't want this to turn into, like, or it's not going to turn into it, but I don't want to give the impression that this is a men's rights thing, that what we're talking about is a men's rights thing.
We're talking about, like, human rights, right?
We're talking about, yes, feminism, and also human rights, like, the right to not be oppressed or, like, disparaged for how your body looks, you know?
Yeah, totally.
So I seeked out this article.
I was curious about this article.
Let me read from it.
I'm not going to read all of it because there's other stuff I want to cover from this same website.
The website is called IQFI.com, which maybe should be your first indication that something's interesting.
Oh, this progressive, leftist, feminist, inclusive, like bending over backwards to be inclusive website is called IQFI?
Yeah.
And they justify this in the About section by saying, oh, it's about trying to raise our emotional intelligence quotient.
So it's like, all right, you got a nice cover.
I'll accept that.
Sure.
Let me read from this article.
There is more to dad bod positivity than meets the eye.
It's the appropriation of body positivity culture created by and for women, by the usual suspects.
And I will say, I will stop this right here and say this is not the feminist take.
This is not the feminist take that I've ever seen.
You've said you've experienced this yourself.
It was from a very specific type person though.
I wouldn't call you a liar.
I believe that happened to you or whatever, I guess.
But no, I've never seen, like nobody is like saying this.
I've never seen this on the internet.
Like, when the body positivity thing was happening, there were plenty of, like, big dudes who were like, fuck yeah, solidarity, like, big people solidarity, and it was welcomed, you know?
I'm sure, like, there's your odd crank, like what you experienced, Tony, but it's just, this is ringing as false as I'm reading this article, is what I'm saying.
In a world that is constantly telling us to be thinner, it can be hard to love our bodies just the way they are.
But what if we stopped seeing our so-called flaws as imperfections and started viewing them as unique features that make us who we are?
See, that's another tell.
It's like, I don't know if your body makes you who you are.
I don't know if that's the progressive.
It would be more like, no, my body is like...
Whatever I want it to be.
It's not my body, it's my identity.
Maybe some people, maybe that's a take.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's a pretty wild way to look at things.
It's like a reductive take, I feel.
That's the body positivity movement in a nutshell.
And while it has been gaining traction in recent years, there's one group of people, cue the ominous music, who seem to have latched on to the concept with suspicious amounts of fervor.
Middle-aged white guys with dad bods.
There's even media campaigns catering to them with headlines like dad bods are the biggest turn-on for singles in the pandemic sex era and why girls love the dad bod so these are linked to actual articles and it's like yeah this was the response when men were quote appropriating body positivity it was like welcomed it was you know because basically I don't want to beat around the bush too much.
This is a right wing website.
This is a right wing website doing Babylon B stuff, but keeping it much closer to the vest.
So that's why I can like forgive you if you just see this screenshot in the wild and you're like, okay, well that's too woke even for me or whatever.
Um, it's like a, it's like a psyop, you know, it's like the free bleeding thing.
That 4chan spread or like maps or adding a P to the to the LGBTQ for pedophilia like it's all this fake shit.
That just circulates entirely within right-wing circles and then sometimes escapes confinement into normie circles, which is the idea in the first place and goes viral.
Another post from this website, I'm jumping ahead, is, it happened to me.
He beat up my boyfriend and I can't stop masturbating to it.
Did you see this headline?
No, no, I didn't, because I think it was about me.
So I didn't really want to read it.
Yeah, I lived it, babe.
I don't need to read it.
Yeah, yeah.
I know that.
I told them that after I beat him up.
I said, she's going to masturbate to me after this now.
This is a headline I saw going viral.
And it's like funny.
It's a funny headline.
But when you read the actual article, you know, it's kind of like, ooh, yikes.
These people are weird.
These people are very weird.
I don't, let me, I don't know if there's anything else in this article except, yeah, fake, like, SJW extremist, uh, feminazi shit.
Well, a lot of it's funny because, like, the examples they're using to kind of make it seem more radical than it actually is, is, you know, the dad bod they chose.
As the model here is Alex Jones.
Yeah.
It's a picture of Alex Jones flexing and they're like, Alex Jones is the storm front of dad bod positivity.
And it's like, okay, so this is clearly, they're going for the most ridiculous take.
Well right here, I didn't even read this part.
It says, while I'm all for people loving their bodies, forgetting who the body positive movement was created by and for feels problematic and sus.
Like it's some kind of 4chan operation against feminism.
Remember free bleeding?
So they're like, they're in deep here.
Yep, I'm getting those vibes from all over this dad body positivity thing.
Okay.
So they're trying to hang a lampshade on it to throw off suspicion of what this actually is, or just gas, they're trying to gaslight us.
They're trying to girl boss and gaslight us into thinking this isn't a fairly obvious right wing satire website.
So I went into the about section, right?
And this was like, Again, just an indication.
Good morning, Team Sunshine.
Parentheses, our story.
So this company is supposedly owned by an organization.
This website is run by an organization called Sunshine.
And all the articles are uncredited.
They aren't attributed to anybody.
And in fact, there's another section that quote, allows users to submit their own story.
That's funny because they have that, but on the bottom of the page they talk about how... Oh yeah, we don't do comments anymore.
We don't allow comments.
Comments are bad.
Continue reading.
Continue reading exactly what that says.
Yeah, yeah, no, it says, because like 25% of the comments tended to work out of targeted troll storms.
Yeah, what's the previous number?
They say 85% of you are good people, but the other- Are good, wonderful people, yeah.
But the other 25% are nasty trolls.
So doing like bad math because they're women.
They're a site for femininity.
So of course they don't know frickin' math.
Doing math wrong in their own footer, their own page footer.
That's amazing.
Yeah, so, you know, obviously getting some spidey senses tingling here.
This article that I just read, Body Positivity is for Women, has been covered by Like Right Wing Podcast.
When I was searching for this article, a YouTube video comes up that's just this title, and I was like, wait, did IQify make video content for this article?
And you click on it, and it's just a shitty podcast of them owning the idiot SJWs who wrote this dumbass article.
Man, I just looked at a Twitter, one of the latest articles is called, Elon bros are killing us with free speech, and it's a picture of Elon Musk and Hitler.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like, oh wow, yeah.
Free speech is literally the worst thing in the world.
It's literally killing us.
If there is, if there is like, what's, what's the, what's the byproduct of like this appropriation of body positivity?
Cause it wouldn't if, cause they're, they're really making this on a, you know, man, woman type thing.
If like men all of a sudden were to be like more okay with their own bodies, hopefully that would translate to, to other, to everybody.
Um, so, but you can, I can see if you wanted to go and have that conversation and get critical about that, but they don't.
And I don't see this thing where they're like, I don't know, I don't know, where are they seeing this, like, aggressive male body positivity?
Um, well, okay, I do see, like, a lot of the more right-wing people are doing, uh, I'm pregnant.
They're doing that joke again.
The 90s joke of, like, having a beer gut, meaning you're pregnant.
Well, now it has a whole new meaning because of the apple emoji.
So now you can make, you can do politics by pretending your belly is a baby.
Yeah and like but it's it's just a don't worry it's just a burrito baby is like the punchline.
Well no the punchline is the punchline is it's a new music video dropping this Friday go to tommcdonald.com to see my new baby.
Amazing.
Yeah he did that J.P.
Sears did it with his new comedy special.
So stupid.
What a good time for comedy.
They're all doing the same.
They're all doing a really great joke.
It's like... Comedy's back, baby.
I mean, it's one joke, but it's really good.
More from their Twitter.
You brought up their Twitter.
I went to their Twitter as well to see what I could suss out.
And yeah, their tag, their display name is Elevate the Conversation with IQify.
Make no mistake about it, every vote cast for Team Red Skull is another canister of Zyklon B for the, quote, showers they are preparing for every American who isn't a white male.
And they've taken a photo of a yard sign that says, how are you voting this year, Democrat or Nazi?
I mean, those are the only choices.
I love Team Red Skull.
The outwardly performatively feminist intersectional critique is doing Captain America references in their tweets, for sure.
That's one of the ways you can break from the shackles of the patriarchy is you get really into Captain America.
That's your guy.
Something tells me these people would only like Ms.
Marvel.
And they're also petitioning Brie Larson to step down as Captain Magnificent, whatever her username is, and give the role to an intersectional, bisexual, asexual, agender, female, woman of color.
Remember that change.org petition that the entire right wing thought they were signing?
They thought the person who did that was really trying to be progressive.
It's been a while since I've seen a good change.org.
I'm SJW and I think Captain Marvel should have a big ass dick.
Hell yeah!
That's where his powers are going to come from.
So somebody was like, uh, you're, you guys are weird.
And then Elevate the Conversation with IQFI replies, you just gassed a room full of screaming chocolate children with that piece of Putin colluding misinformation.
Yeah.
This is fucked.
So there's like, there's some cringe liberalism on Twitter for sure.
This is worse.
Like, I know you're trying to do that.
But it still came from your brain.
Putin, Kaludin, Chocolate Children.
Yeah, Putin, Kaludin, Chocolate Children.
Is that supposed to be like... Okay, this is the thing.
The main article is the denim shorts, but the response is the Oakley sunglasses.
It's like, oh, these are cops.
You know what I mean?
Yeah!
Chocolate children?
Chocolate children?
I saved this comment because it was der- I screenshotted this tweet because it was deranged but I was like I didn't know what they meant and for like a couple hours and then I was like I guess it's black children?
I think so which is like terrible.
That's so stupid.
Oh my god this person's probably like thinks that we're saying chocolate bodies.
Oh, and by the way, this whole website, iqfy.com, i-q-f-y dot com, redirects from lulz.com, l-u-l-z dot com.
I mean, that's the information I got.
Let me double check that.
Oh, no, it doesn't.
It did it one time, I suppose.
Maybe when they were switching over the website, switching over the domain.
Because I have the history of the website.
No, LULZ goes to, like, some rudimentary clickbait Pinterest assortment of links.
But I think some of the articles are from here, is what it looks like.
Some of the IQFI articles are from LULZ.com.
Or LULZ had linked to them.
Okay, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, some of this is real bad.
Yeah.
Yeah, like this has articles that are like, everything's real bad.
More articles from lulz.com.
So if I hadn't presented enough evidence for this to be really like... I guess it's a better Babylon Bee because... I think it is.
Because Babylon Bee is already tricking people.
They're like, this preschool teacher identifies as a black hawk helicopter, and parents are forced to respect- parents are forced to call it- Yeah.
Or whatever.
And it runs on your- it runs on your child's pee.
That's- And that- those are going viral out of context screenshots that people believe.
This is just getting more- would get more people, I think.
This headline, Psychedelic Privilege, Are DMT Entities Racist?
DMT users often come across strange beings called machine elves dispensing advice and adventure.
They were thought to be benevolent, but we can no longer ignore the black DMT experience.
You know what sucks is that's one of the drugs I haven't done, and I really want to do DMT.
I just haven't done DMT yet.
And that's a shame because I would love to speak on this.
But I can't.
I don't know.
Now I'm more stressed because now I'm going to have a really fucked up identity crisis afterwards because if I do see the elves that means that either the elves aren't racist or it means I'm not black enough.
Then I'm going to have to take DMT again.
This is going to be bad.
What if you do DMT and find out you're elf passing?
You've been elf passing this whole time.
Oh man, right?
That's going to be rough for me to handle.
It's going to be really hard for me to handle, so we'll see.
I think this is based on a tweet.
I think this is based on a tweet from somebody being like, a black dude being like, man I tried DMT and the machine elves called me the n-word?
That's like a funny joke when it's like a single sentence and not turned into a whole article trying to own black people by pretending to be a black person who says a bunch of racist stuff happened in your mind.
That's amazing.
Another article here.
Mental hospitals or internment camps for the neurodiverse.
There is a taboo against talking about involuntary commitment of neurodiverse communities.
No, there's not.
And we must break it.
They have a photo here of Nurse Ratchet from the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Is that who that is?
Yeah.
From like 1970-something.
We've been having this conver- it's not- You're not doing a fucking, you're not doing an intersectional by writing about how mental hospitals are bad for people.
This is like one of the oldest tropes in the fucking book, like the truism and you know that's why Ronald Reagan has had to close so many of them.
Because of how bad they were.
And the basis of this joke is hinges on somebody believing that people who are in mental hospitals are unquestionably there.
Yeah.
Should be there.
That's what this joke hinges on.
The conditions are correct in those underpaid, understaffed...
And, like, totally outdated methods of treating people.
Yeah, this is like saying, you know, like, well, no, I mean, well, but they're neurodivergent, so therefore they should be out roaming free, but it's like, I don't, we kind of do, we do believe that.
We can't, we don't, you know, that's not how the conversation's going.
This relies on you believing that, like, We gotta lock up crazy people.
Yeah, this relies on you thinking there's a widespread institutionalization as if there's any resources for people at all, let alone malicious resources, you know what I mean?
Yeah, exactly.
So funny.
But you're using the words neurodivergent, you know, so it's funny.
Yeah, the joke is, can you imagine if, like, I go up to you, Tony, like, we just met each other, you know, hey, what's up, man?
Yeah, just here for the groom side or whatever.
Man, can you imagine if mental institutions were better?
Yeah, what?
Can you imagine that?
Wouldn't that be fucking hilarious?
I can't actually.
I can't actually, because why would they be better?
Why would you want to treat somebody who isn't, you know, you do know in order to get, if you're in a mental hospital it's because you tore a puppy in half.
Uh, no.
You know that, right?
No, the person is just differently abled when they smear poop all over the walls like crazy, like we all know neurodivergent people do.
Yeah.
That's the only person who's going to find this article engaging.
This one was great.
Again, it happened to me.
He beat up my boyfriend and I can't stop masturbating to it.
Again, a funny headline.
This would be a funny tweet.
Nobody would take this seriously if you tweeted this out.
Everybody would know it was a joke.
Yeah.
But you put it in the format of a headline And so now you're doing wokeism.
You're sending up wokeism by, this frickin broad admitted she liked the more dominant, strong alpha male.
Wow.
They're just telling on themselves, aren't they?
Yeah.
It's like, look what, look where lying to myself about being attracted to this beta got me.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't even sleep at night anymore.
I can't stop thinking about him.
Man, I bet, yeah, if a guy beat up a girl's boyfriend, she would probably, like, love that guy forever, wanna, you know, cuddle up on a couch, maybe watch Beetlejuice, settle down and start a life together.
She just won't admit it to herself, though.
Joke's on you, babe, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about the guy that beat me up either.
And actually, I would really love to just maybe sit in the corner while y'all do your thing.
I mean, if we can make that phone call happen, I don't see why not.
I'm surprised.
I scrolled through two pages of articles and I didn't see a single actual cuck article.
This is close.
This is pretty close.
You know, the bull dominated the cuck, whatever.
It's not a literal.
Like this, as you'll see with these couple other articles I wanted to highlight, they do get literal, but they just didn't touch on cucking for some reason.
I mean, maybe they've done that like seven times in the last month, so.
Okay, this one was good though.
It happened to me.
So this is from the anonymous submission section.
They're all, again, anonymous.
They're probably all just submitted by like, You know, a team of five people.
It happened to me.
I cry when removed from densely populated areas.
Even if I wasn't afraid of rural dysfunction and bigotry, I still wouldn't want to leave the comforts of Manhattan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that.
Cause you're wondering where it's going from there.
Cause I don't know.
Um, if you don't know what you're doing or you don't, you're not, I don't know.
You just haven't really left home much and you find yourself, uh, in the middle of a cornfield as, uh, this, um, young lady is, uh, uh, seemingly dying.
You look like you're dying.
You have like a, like, um, Adam's family-esque pale face on and all you have is a sickle.
Like, yeah, you might be scared.
But...
Bless you.
Sorry.
They're talking about, like, no, no.
They're scared of, like...
They're scared of the flyover state population, not, like, the actual landscape.
Yeah, these people...
These people, they see real America, and they flinch away like a vampire from sunlight.
I'm a 19...
Okay, this is written by useless alt thing.
I'm a 19 year old agender human who has lived in Manhattan my entire life and I really have no desire to leave.
Just gender in the first sentence.
None.
In fact, since I was young, when I've been taken to rural or even suburban areas, I've started uncontrollably crying.
God, this person... I mean, come on.
What level of snowflake are we reaching here?
Yeah, that's absurd.
I get worried I can't get my Wi-Fi and I start itching.
There's something about the lack of people and building mass.
Building mass.
The mass of building.
Building mass that makes me really hate them.
They even make me sad knowing they exist.
They feel boring and lonely.
And whenever I'm there I get worried that I'm not going to be able to leave it like I'm trapped in some The Hills Have Eyes horror hick movie.
Did I say movie?
That kind of stuff still exists.
Watch the documentary I pasted above.
And is suburbia that much better?
With its prowling serial killers and twisted psycho-psychosexual cover-ups?
I mean, if you're talking about paranoia about the suburbs, I don't think the left wing is your target.
I think there's a very easy target to make fun of people who worry about living in the suburbs, i.e.
the people who do.
Yeah, the people who purchased a Ring toolbox.
See, Ring makes a toolbox.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know how it works.
I don't know if it has, like, a GPS in it and a camera that goes to your phone or whatever.
But yeah, it's a Ring Toolbox.
Like, that's... yeah.
I would do a Ring Toolbox before a Ring Doorbell.
But I wouldn't do a Ring Toolbox either.
You just put an AirTag inside one of those.
You know?
Yeah, yeah.
You need a fucking Amazon device connected to it?
Alright.
So, even now that I'm an adult, I just start crying or panicking when I have to leave the Manhattan.
I'm literally shaking and crying as I'm leaving my beloved Manhattan.
What's happening in your life that's making you leave Manhattan, by the way?
Like, you don't have to.
You said you're an adult now.
You don't have to leave Manhattan.
Yeah, here's the next sentence.
And, well, it isn't actually that big of a problem.
See, they're complaining about nothing again.
Wow.
You could have just kept your mouth shut.
Typical.
Typical.
I'm someone who really enjoys cities and urban life.
I enjoy the culture and all of the people and all of the interesting things to do and see.
I enjoy being able to walk around without a vehicle.
Yadda yadda yadda, I don't have to worry about being brutalized by brainwashed evangelical redneck boys seeking a new living being to torment.
So you see, even if I wasn't afraid of rural areas, I still wouldn't want to leave the city.
If I step outside the comforts of my cosmopolitan life, I'll become uncontrollably upset.
It's not really a problem as... blah blah blah.
Okay, I usually don't like nature in general.
I sometimes fantasize on living on a planet-wide city like Holy Terra, Croissant, Ravnica, or want all life on Earth to be replaced with machines.
Yeah.
Nature just seems so deadly and poisonous and smelly and alien to me.
Dang, like what's like a...
Like a reverse eco-fascist?
Like a... Techno-fascist.
Like an industrial techno-fascist?
I guess, yeah.
That's what this person is, like, real casually.
Because, funny, all the stuff about the benefits, some of the benefits that could be from being in a more, you know, densely populated metropolitan area, things like more progressive politics and whatnot, access, walkability, those are all, like, reasonable things.
Like, that list was, like, not wild.
Yeah.
But I just cry when I'm not away from it.
It's like, that's just like, okay, this is where it's clearly made up.
Well, it's also like, yeah, okay, it's a, it's just, and then it just got crazier.
This is the thing is, okay, so, so you're trying, you're having to keep like a couple thoughts simultaneously.
You're having to keep, oh, this is.
You can't say environmentalist because that would defeat the purpose of this specific article but that person would also be an environmentalist but because you're the true American Who lives out in the rural countryside and you have to joke about somebody who hates the rural countryside.
You also have to make them some sort of like anime villain who wants to wipe out humanity and replace them with robots.
Even though they just said they like living in a city because there's a lot of people there.
And what's funny, too, is that this character they're developing, you know, this character who's supposed to be, you know, just, you know, ultra-progressive and just, you know, a real snowflake, referenced how, like, the Hills Out of Eyes type people still exist, and they link to a really problematic documentary About, like, an inbred family that's, like, you know, in a very rural area.
And it's a series of interviews and, like, little docus that are, I find, I think they're just low-hanging fruit and pretty cheap.
He just interviews, like, people who just are having a rough time.
But it just does it, and it just seems kind of like he's, what's the word I'm looking for?
He's like, he's just making money off of it, kind of sensationalizing it.
Exploiting them?
He's exploiting, yeah, and it all feels pretty exploitive.
And I don't think that the person, this character they're trying to do, would reference this documentary as their reasoning for, like, look at these people, they're real.
Like, this real family in the documentary is also the Hills Have Eyes people?
Like, this character would not say that.
Right.
Yeah, well that's the joke too, is like, you get to look at a bunch of weird people doing, saying funny stuff.
That's part of the joke of this article.
It's part of the joke of reading this article.
Yeah, totally.
And then you get to laugh at the funny people, but then you get to also pretend to be more tolerant than the SJWA gender metropolitan Manhattanite who called them Hills Have Eyes people.
That's not... Yeah, exactly.
It's like, oh, okay.
It's a moral win, too, yeah.
I like... I fantasize on living on a planet-wide city like Holy Terra.
But that's like Warhammer shit, right?
That's like Warhammer... I don't know.
That's like the fascist video game.
This SJW is referencing the popular fascist meme.
Let me just make... People are screaming right now.
I'm sorry.
Holy Terra.
Yeah, Warhammer 40,000.
That's what it is.
They're like the suits of armor, the giant mech suits, but they have crosses on them and shit.
Yeah, that's wild.
Yeah, this is definitely an agender leftist feminist who wrote this.
And they also say croissant, meaning, I'm sure, Coruscant.
From episode one of Star Wars.
Oh yeah, totally, yeah.
But it's maybe auto-corrected?
Quick question, is this auto-corrected to Croissant and there's no editorial oversight at all on this website?
There's nobody like re-reading whatever?
Or is it that they think Which is it?
an agender libtard would reference Coruscant in their techno fascist, as their techno fascist utopia, but be too stupid to know the real name.
So they typed out Crosan, like which it could be either one. - Which is it?
Both of them say a lot. - Yeah.
I don't know what Ravnica is, but okay.
It's a Magic the Gathering thing.
I only know that because I looked it up.
I can't claim that clout.
Yeah.
Let me read the last article here from our Inclusive Horizontally Organized... Oh yeah, I forgot to read the description of the website.
I'll do that really quick.
Good morning, Team Sunshine.
Our story.
And then they have their own flag.
Wouldn't you know it?
I wonder if they have their own letter for the LGBTQ plus IA mafia, Tony.
They have their own flag that's like pink, orange, lime green, and turquoise.
The team sunshine flag, representing the feminine radiating sunlight onto the masculine world below.
The orange tinge represents dawn or change.
The number four represents everything.
The four corners of the world and the Pythagorean four parts of the soul.
Yeah.
As a small collective of horizontally integrated online influencers from a variety of fields, we are privately owned and 100% independent.
Our mission and operations are guided by a proprietary democratic process and the Sunshine Initiative founding document.
When I read this at this point, I was like, this could be real.
I could believe there was some fucking for-profit company that wrote all of this.
That would not surprise me.
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh, then I read one of their, another like, I don't know, one of their beliefs or something.
Cause they had like a big list of their missions and their beliefs.
And one of them is, a hooman being a pupperino is an empowerment tactic some folks utilize to deal with stress or bigotry.
And that's valid, even in the office.
Quote, woof woof!
Can't have snack?
End quote.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, hey.
Hey, IQify or Teen Vogue?
Which one?
Which do you think it was?
Can you go ahead and copy and paste that into our little declaration we got going?
Can you just copy and paste that bad boy?
Yeah.
Uh, let me read this last article.
What are we doing on time here?
What do you have on time?
You have an hour?
I'm at about an hour.
Yeah.
Okay.
Um, yeah, let me read this last article.
Uh, it happened to me.
I've become addicted to pegging my husband.
Yeah.
It was a little scary at first, but I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed it.
Watching his face flush and respond to my thrusting movements.
I mean, yeah.
Hell yeah.
That's sex.
It's like so sexy when a girl writes thrusting movements.
Because it's painting a picture for me.
I can see it happening.
I like it.
Yeah, she's moving.
How?
Thrusting.
This is a brave new sexually exploratory world for me.
For most people, I assume.
My history with sex and sex toys hasn't exactly been 100% healthy.
Probably like many women's.
When I was a teenager, sex was either a chore done in order to maintain a relationship, or a tool used to manipulate other people.
I could be very pragmatic about it back in the day.
I knew that sex was, essentially, a way to elicit certain hormones that I could manipulate a partner's brain chemistry.
Yep.
Yep.
I mean, this is all women talk about.
The second that women's bathroom door swings shut, they're all talking about using sex, an act that they hate, to evoke certain hormonal responses in the other partner.
Yeah.
They're like, uh, you think I'm paying for dinner tonight, baby?
Hell no.
You know what I did before I got out of the car?
Gave him a little nibble on the ear.
I'm gonna pull my wallet out tonight, baby.
Not tonight.
Can I listen to them pheromones?
I can smell it on them.
Wow, they're smelling like money.
Totally sounds like something a woman would write and not something a man who's talked to three women in his entire life would write.
In other words, I was very logically engaged in a lot of sex-to-get-what-I-want sex.
Just, like, come on.
How can you even, like, imagine a woman's voice in your head when you read this?
Well, because a woman would never want to... They would never want to cum, so, like, that's not why they would do it.
If they did, they would do it with me.
Right.
You know?
But they don't, so I know they don't.
In other words, I was very logically engaged in a lot of sex to get what I want sex.
Whether that was to boost my own self-esteem or to convince a boy to stay and have dinner with me.
Please have dinner with me, I'll give you sex.
Yeah, yeah.
No, you just start having sex with them and then they'll be hungry afterwards.
I should note that this was done really shamelessly at the time.
Yeah, I don't know if an apology is enough, Anonymous.
As I really thought this was just common sense and how everyone had sex.
Society, the media, and my abusive stepfather taught me as much.
Daddy issues, what?
They did like said the thing too, this is when I was a teenager.
Like, this is also the perspective of, like, teenage girls to this person.
Yeah.
Uh, there was some other really bad articles that, like, I didn't want to read, but one of them was, like, I took... It's really bad, but it's like, I took money from my dad to have sex with me, and now nobody likes me.
And then the article, you know, it's like, this... What do you think was gonna happen, huh?
This article is, like, about her when she was, like, 13 and shit.
And it's like you... And it's like... And it's like shaming her in it?
Like saying she should have known better in it?
She says it's consensual, dude.
She says it's consensual and she still took money for it, man.
Wow.
You're a fucking freak if you're writing that.
You're writing that about 13-year-old girls.
It's like that fucking cartoon that I saw, that conservative cartoon of the two children trick-or-treating in their underwear.
Yeah.
And the woman opens the door and she goes, oh look, it's Paul Pelosi and his little boy toy prostitute lover.
Yeah, that's what little kids want to be.
How do you think you look like the good one here?
Drawing this!
No, but it's them, it's them thinking it.
I'm drawing what they're thinking.
I'm writing about, only writing about the 13-year-old girl, about the possibility of a 13-year-old child consensually engaging with her own thought.
Like, what?
Man.
That's the future they want.
So I have to write about it.
Like, does that even work?
That doesn't even work on a political level.
Like, nobody's gonna... I mean...
Nobody's going to be convinced to blame the 13-year-old for that article.
People might already think that when they read it and get their fucking jollies up, which is the only reason that was written.
Yeah, exactly.
This is fucked.
The whole thing's fucked.
That one was way worse than this one.
Not a very fun read, you know what I mean?
No.
It was a while before I enjoyed sex for myself, and not just what it got for me.
I remember my first sex toy.
My friend Amy gave it to me.
We met while taking a psychology class at the local community college.
Whoa!
Smart.
Smart.
You know this is good because you know they're smart.
College girls.
And on my birthday that year, she handed me a beautiful turquoise rabbit vibrator, which is an affiliate-sponsored link to a rabbit vibrator.
Yeah, dawg!
No discount even.
Oh wait, is it?
No, it's a link to an article about it.
Oh, they're not even as smart as I fucking thought, man.
I just assumed, I wasn't going to click on the link.
Oh, here's an Amazon link down here.
Okay, one of the other sex toys they mentioned has an Amazon link.
Okay, thank you.
Why do you only put one in here?
You got, you got four mentions.
Wow.
Okay.
Okay.
After that, I purchased and experimented with a series of toys, not just on me, but on my partners too.
Yeah.
She talks about breaking off a dildo on her clit.
Definitely a woman who wrote this.
What was this made out of?
That's terrifying.
It was thick, purple, and ribbed with two heads.
I actually used it so much and so hard that I snapped off the clit attachment.
What is this made out of?
That doesn't sound safe.
Nothing should be snapping.
Snapping is not a... It doesn't look good for your link either.
Now I'm not really going to follow that one if I know it's going to break off on my clit.
Yeah.
Does it have a warranty at least?
Maybe?
Okay.
After that I purchased and experimented with a series of toys my boyfriend at the time loved when I used beads or the bullet during sex and to my own shock he began to ask for it.
So let's talk about the prostate for a second.
I feel like it's often ignored.
Me too, by the way.
I feel like it's often ignored, or worse, ridiculed.
I've had a series of open-minded partners who are completely comfortable with or asked for prostate simulation, but every once in a while I still encounter ones that jump when I talk about it.
My most recent ex said to me, quote, I'm not gay.
Keep in mind, that's the point of view of the person writing this article.
That's their self-insert.
It's as the ex-boyfriend saying, plain as day, I'm not gay, idiot.
I don't want anything in my butt.
That's for gay people.
Yeah, that's what that's for.
That's the tool that they were given.
I don't need that.
That's the joke here.
Can you imagine if rubbing the prostate felt good?
Yeah.
What an insane world we live in that that's even something anybody would do.
Come on, man.
Come on.
Yeah.
Don't lie.
It's OK.
It's OK, bud.
It's fine.
Did you say, like, did you write this article so you can be like, hun, I read this article?
And she's going to be like, this seems to be thinly veiled right wing grievance satire.
I'm worried about your reading comprehension, actually.
Yes, of course I'd love to have you pay me.
Sorry, what did you say?
I thought you read it.
I thought you read the article.
Okay, I nodded, consoling him.
Prostate stimulation feels good for everyone.
It's been proven.
Quote, not for me.
That is a disgusting place.
Okay, that's fine.
You don't have to do it.
You just can do it.
That's what I'm going to say about it.
That's not an obligation, but you should feel comfortable doing it.
You can do it.
It's okay.
Well, we talked about it, and your only response was, I'm not gay.
And you said it a lot, and I was waiting for you to finish, and now that you've finished, my response is, no.
Stimulation feels good for people of all, you know, persuasions.
It's, you know, scientifically proven.
Like, you love logic and facts.
I know that.
I respect that about you.
Here's a fact.
Here's a logic right here.
American science or scientific American right here.
And then he goes, uh, not for me.
That is a disgusting place.
That's when you're like, okay, nevermind.
Okay.
Fine.
Yeah.
Nevermind.
Yeah.
But he goes, she goes, but you do, I do have to point out, I know you're not gay and I'm, I'm, I'm a woman still.
I'm still a woman.
So still I'm happy you're not gay because that would mean you wouldn't like me and I like you and I, I still want, we don't have to bring that into this.
It's okay.
Yeah.
It's almost like my whole psychosexuality, my whole personality revolves around the idea that like penetration equals masculinity.
There is that vein of man who's like, it's not that they're straight.
It's just that they're just not gay.
That's more, it's more important that you know that they're not gay than you do know that they are straight.
Yeah.
Okay.
So this really got to me and made me feel like such a dick.
Get it?
I apologize and promise not to bring it up again.
Of course.
I knew that I was right.
That if he just tried it, he'd enjoy it.
Or maybe he wouldn't and that at least we'd know.
But to not even try it really confused me.
But I had to respect it.
That guy was frustratingly repressed in so many other ways, which was unsurprisingly an element in our breakup.
So this was like the first surprise.
I thought she was going to rape him.
I thought she was going to, despite him saying no, oh, turns out the tolerant, you know, sexual rights activist person, they're the rapists.
That's where I thought this was going to go.
It still is that logic.
It's just like, the logic should never be like, I mean, you should just, can you just try it one time for me?
Right, don't be a fucking pest about it.
That's not, that's, yeah, that's not, that's also not the route to go.
But I'm just surprised they didn't take it to the ultimate level here.
Exactly, yeah.
Rare bit of restraint.
Nicely done.
However, my husband is different than the other men I've dated for many reasons.
First, he has slept with significantly more men than women.
Yay.
So this is a different person now.
I counted the numbers and they're gay.
The numbers came out gay because there was one more dude than women.
That is so funny.
They had to put that out there.
Listen, this person who does like it also happens to be real gay.
Yeah, exactly.
So, no shocker here.
He slept with much more men.
He also was kind of a little bitch.
That's kind of why I love him though.
Third, he's uncircumcised.
He's from Europe, and in the United States, most penises are circumcised.
Before my husband, only one of my high school boyfriends wasn't.
He also had by far the largest penis I've ever seen, and I was more focused on that than it being uncircumcised.
The circumcision doesn't come back later.
I thought this was gonna be like, I prefer men to have their genitals cut off as babies.
That's what really turns me on, is when a baby is mutilated.
This guy's, like, super gay.
I mean, like, European, uncircumcised, big dick.
Fair enough.
Like, this guy's super gay.
I guess that Scans is gay.
Big ol' uncircumcised European dick.
Also happens to sleep with lots of men.
But I mean, come on.
Wait, hold on.
Wait a second.
Are you married to Prince Oberon from Game of Thrones?
Is that what's happening here?
Be honest.
Because that'd be tight.
Except for the whole getting his head crushed in.
That would be tight.
They really had to make sure that the reader would not identify with this person.
Yeah.
Not only is it uncircumcised, but it's also huge.
Also European.
Speaks more than one language.
Okay, yada yada yada.
They go to a sex shop and get the right straps and correct attachments.
There's an illustration.
There's like a wiki how diagram of pegging your bitch husband.
It's such a cute picture.
It's so funny.
It's fine.
We currently use a quote spare parts panty set with an insert space for a dildo.
And that's that one's the affiliate link.
And while it's technically strapless, which we prefer, it does the same.
This is like kind of brilliant to do like a cuck husband beta male thing and advertise the product that the dominate dominatrix feminazi is using on him.
Get maybe 50 cents.
Yeah, it's, it's pretty smart.
This is like, cause you're either going to be revolted or curious either way.
Hopefully some clicks are going to happen.
We take it on all our vacations.
That means, of course, the last time we were at the airport, the TSA agent pulled my suitcase aside and asked me to unpack my bag.
With a groan, I explained, no, it's not a gun, it's a vibrator, and I pulled it out.
To my delight, the agent asked me exactly how it worked, and before I knew it, she had called her co-workers over to observe the devices.
Wow, this is, like, legally blonde.
Wow, this was, this was crazy ass.
These ladies, they love that shit.
See, what was cool about my experience is not only was it my first time being pulled over for having a vibrator in my bag, but it was also the first time this TSA agent had ever seen a vibrator, period.
Yeah.
So it was an exciting day for everybody.
She's like, so it goes in your pussy?
Yeah.
Hey!
Hey, Gary!
Claudia, get over here!
Have you heard this shit?
It goes inside your pussy.
Yeah.
Wait, you don't even have to go inside?
It does both?
It goes on top and inside?
That's crazy.
You're telling me that this rose feels like a mouth.
Where's the dick?
I don't even, I don't believe that.
You're saying I have sex with this thing.
Where's the dick?
Where's the penis at?
This is the penis!
Yeah, what?
I don't gotta go down on this thing for 20 minutes?
I don't gotta do that?
Wow, this is gonna rip.
What's this made out of?
Rubber?
I'll call my divorce lawyer.
She's like, hitting it on her head.
Oh, wow.
They don't, they don't make, hold on.
I know this is a little bit weird, but they don't make these to like, look like tentacles, do they?
You gotta be kidding me.
So, uh, I'm typing here.
You'll never believe what happened to me.
I went to the airport and I'm a sexy lady with a huge dildo in my bag and all the flight attendants ran over and asked and, you know, sidled up to me and rubbed shoulders with me and said, I would love to put this inside my pussy.
You want to help me do that?
And we were, we were, we, it was crazy, you know, but that's just being a woman.
It's how it is.
It's how it goes.
Picking my husband has now become a regular element in our sex life.
I knew he would enjoy it, but I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed it.
I mean, it sounds like you were the one who wanted it the most in the first place.
Yeah.
Of course, I would expect you to enjoy it.
Watching his face flush and respond to my movement.
I won't lie.
It was a little scary at first.
For a few moments, it was that awkward first time having sex feeling.
I strapped in but couldn't get the angle.
Couldn't get the angle quite right.
He kept saying, ow!
Yeah, it's funny.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Probably the funniest sentence in this whole thing.
I got a leg cramp.
We repositioned like six times, but persist past that awkward laughter and hesitation.
There's a great rhythm and timing that made us both feel amazing.
I got to ask, I'm curious about this.
What's in it for the non-dick having person in the pegging situation?
Oh, actually?
Yeah, is there like another thing?
No, but I mean, sometimes it sounds like she said something about it being like a strapless one.
Sometimes there's one that, you know, kind of goes inside and just like, just the, the, I think the general rubbing is nice.
There's still clitoral stimulation.
Okay.
You know?
Sick.
Well, that's good.
I was thinking it was like boring for the other person this whole time.
Like, Ooh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Turns out, turns out they have fun doing it.
Cool.
Which I didn't believe until I read this article.
I thought it was a rumor, but now that I read this article... Aside from the article?
I like how this is written too, like... Like, she had no clue how hard it is to fuck, and I've been trying to tell her how hard it is to fuck.
So you had to write this into the character, like...
No, it's not just thrusting.
You know, I've got to find a new rhythm.
I'm cramping up all the time.
I'm readjusting.
And you just don't appreciate it.
She appreciates the work I put in now because she's been in my shoes.
She's walked a mile in my shoes.
Wow.
I realized I watched on YouTube this 1, 2, 3 pause motion that I'd heard so much about.
And wow, despite what my girlfriends had told me about it being weird, it actually is the best method to do.
Yeah.
Aside from the obvious, pegging him allows me to physically have the power to experience what it is like to be in control.
It is significantly different from both being a power bottom and having sex while on top.
It completely changed the dynamic we had gotten used to in the bedroom, which brought us closer together.
Negotiating this new element of our sex life forced us both to be more honest and vulnerable.
And surprisingly, it turned out to be as one of my favorite parts of our sex life.
I highly recommend it.
Yes.
I like how this was like a top, realizing they're a top, I guess.
Wouldn't you believe it?
It doesn't do what I want when I'm power bottoming or when I'm writing, but it's a, I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's okay.
Cool.
I'm glad you figured that out.
Everybody's got their calling.
Everyone's winning here.
Yeah.
Good for y'all.
I'm glad that you found yourself an on-cut European who's had lots of sex with men.
That's kind of like the optimal, you know, kind of optimal right there.
Good for you.
This is just a flex.
This whole story is just a flex about the perfect man who we all know doesn't exist.
I like that not only is this broad gonna peg you, she's also gonna fucking make you be more vulnerable and honest?
That's a part of this too?
Yeah.
Why the fuck would I ever do that?
Now we had to communicate about it?
Ugh.
Yeah, now- I love that.
We have our mandatory after-pegging therapy session that my boyfriend loves to go to.
He insists I hold his hand while I'm doing it, and sometimes I don't want to.
I'm actually addicted to not holding his hand.
I'm sorry, I gotta cut back in.
It happened to me.
My father taught me how to be the perfect mistress.
Like, in what world does this not scan as right-wing fantasy?
Yeah, it's so weird.
Because it's exactly what it is.
Wow, isn't it crazy how, like, uh, how the woke, uh, have sex with their fathers and, like, there's also a hot picture of them in an address for the thumbnail?
Yeah, the, the, the pictures they tag and stuff like that's a really funny thing.
Like, when she said, um, this documentary I plugged in on, you didn't, like, that, you're not a real person.
And, like, You know?
It's so funny.
Yeah, these people are freaks.
I think that's the note I want to end on.
These people are absolute, like, ghoulish individuals pretending that they can foist their awful personalities and beliefs onto somebody else.
Sorry, it doesn't work.
So creepy.
Okay, so if you see a screenshot in the wild, you know, you can laugh at it.
That's fine.
I'm not telling you not to laugh at it or whatever.
Just, like, maybe look it up before you share it.
You know, I know I sound like some internet activist here about fake news or whatever, but I'm just saying, if it seems too woke to be true, it's possible that it is.
It's a good chance.
Look for the Jean Shorts and the Oakleys.
It's in every article.
You'll find it.
Yeah, alright.
That's the episode.
Thank you so much for listening to the show.
Again, thank you to everybody who tuned in last night, Saturday night, for our live stream.
We're doing it again.
We're doing it again this Saturday, 5pm, through the Patreon.
Patreon.com.
We hope to chat with a lot of you folks on Saturday and also watch at least one very funny music video that I discovered last night.
Awesome.
Exciting.
Yeah, so we appreciate everybody's support and we'll talk to you again soon.
