This week we're doing hard news coverage as Trump drops a new insulting nickname for a popular GOP rival. Does it hit? And the right wing settles on a reality they like concerning the Pelosi home invasion: the 83 year-old was doing Pain Olympics with his gay lover. Finally, we provide you with the official record of how right-wing boomers feel about self-checkout. The answer may surprise you. Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode every week as well as instant access to hundreds of bonus episodes directly in your podcast app or browser. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult Music: Tweak Bird - The Future Gods and Queens - Untitled Double Dagger: The Lie / The Truth
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
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I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Ron DeSanctimonious is responsible.
We're DocuMoning it.
we are dog morning it uh what's up everybody Thanks for tuning in to the show this week.
Happy to have you here.
Thank you to all the kind responses we got for our little trip to Minion Death Cul-De-Sac last week, our little trick-or-treating adventure, visiting a couple familiar and frightening faces.
Yeah, we had a lot of fun.
You know me, I'm not a huge Halloween head like most people are.
I'm a fan, but not a huge fan.
I'm really happy we decided to get dressed up and go trick-or-treating together.
People think we're too old for it.
I think those people need to fuck off.
Totally.
No, it was a lot of fun to write and record that and I don't know, you know, been wanting to, you know, I think I might have some more creative content for you folks.
I think we might have some more adventurous scripted content in the near future.
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You'll get access to that episode, you'll help support the show, and you'll be in on the ground floor to some very exciting stuff we have planned moving forward for the show that we're not ready to get into detail about yet, but soon.
Yeah, it's just saying that pretty soon there's going to be a dividing line between the real heads and the posers.
And we're going to get in now.
Get in now while you can still be a real head.
Yeah, totally.
All right, we got some news here.
Yeah, new funny diminutive nickname just dropped, Tony.
New Trump nickname dropped for, what's this, Ron DeSantis?
If you're not familiar, he's the governor of Florida who's like kind of trying to do all the overt Trumpian stuff at the state level.
We've talked about him before, of course, don't need to get into all the awful things that he's done, but he sucks ass and he's a rising star on the right wing.
So, wow, that's crazy that Trump would attack Somebody, you know, who's, uh... I don't know, anybody else besides himself?
Like, any... I don't know how people are still surprised that Trump... Anybody Trump comes after.
It's like, well, that person isn't Trump, so of course Trump hates them.
That's like the number one rule of being a Trump person is that like, yeah, there's no one's off limits.
That's kind of part of the appeal.
So for people to be shocked by this is surprising.
I was a little confused about the name itself.
I didn't really realize how much this is.
Oh, sure.
- It's part of what's causing the end of the world.
It's one of those things that might be bringing on end times, this type of blaspheming.
- Oh, oh sure. - But yeah, it's actually a good one from him.
I like this one.
- Well, I didn't really think it was that great until I found out the reason behind it.
I wanted to just talk about it in the abstract because I don't think people know what it's from.
I didn't know what it was from.
I don't think people know why he picked Sanctimonious as Ron DeSantis' nickname.
What was the one that you came up with?
Did you have one?
Oh, no.
I couldn't think of one.
You had a good one, though.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
It was just like, you know, Ron DeSuckAss.
Yeah, Ron the Suckass.
I don't know if I would have gone with Sanctimonious.
That's pretty funny.
Do you think it's good?
If you didn't know what it was from, would it be good?
No, it doesn't.
Without knowing what it's from, it's just kind of bad and confusing.
Because if you're a Trump supporter and you know who Ron DeSantis is, you might be a fan of DeSantis because all the worst people in America are saying he's making Florida the freest state through his moves.
So what does this attack mean?
Because it's clearly an attack.
Yeah, and it's funny, and it's not like, you know, oh, little Marco.
Like, you know that's bad.
You know that's an insult.
Easy.
You're belittling.
It's super easy.
And you don't necessarily, it might not be applicable to Marco specifically, because I think he's just an average-sized guy, but you know what it would be hypothetically referring to is his little penis or just his little body.
Even if he doesn't have one, you can still imagine in your mind that he has a little body.
It makes sense.
Yeah, it was a little guy.
Sanctimonious, you're like, what?
Is that a bad thing?
What's that word mean again?
It's like de-sanctimonious?
Is it the opposite of sanctimonious?
I don't know what this means anymore.
It's of sanctimonious.
It did become a little more clear was the context that he did not provide.
Yeah, okay, so I saw somebody linked me as in somebody isn't it like a right-wing freak that I was digging into.
I was digging for info into these people and I found out why he's Ron DeSanctimonious and it's because of a political ad he's running in Florida right now where I'll just let everybody listen to it.
And on the eighth day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, I need a protector. - Here.
So God made a fighter.
And if you couldn't intuit, it's just all pictures of Ron DeSantis.
Just photos of Ron and his family.
And multi-ethnic children in general.
Beautiful, yeah.
We love to see it.
God said, I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, kiss his family goodbye, travel thousands of miles for no other reason than to serve the people.
To save their jobs, their livelihoods, their liberty, their- Thank you Governor DeSantis for saving my job, my livelihood, and my liberty.
Wow, it's- God made- God definitely made you on the 8th day.
I like- and the thousands of miles must be like the multiple trips?
Because I think he's mo- I mean, what, he's going like to D.C.
and a couple of the campaigns- Yeah, he's flying to D.C.
to campaign using the swamp.
As we'll find out in this section.
He's meeting with Jeb Bush.
He's meeting with Kevin McCarthy.
He's meeting with Paul Ryan.
All the rhinos, all the false prophets that Trump came along and slayed, slew.
I'm surprised there's even anything left to meet with after Trump was done with them.
But yeah, here he is meeting with them.
Yeah, so this is where sanctimonious comes from.
So I feel like the reason this doesn't really work, even though it makes sense, pretty sanctimonious to be like, on the 8th day God created your Florida Republican governor.
Yeah.
I think that qualifies.
Which is what's so confusing about like, so if he's desanctimonious, because I was like, okay, so what, you're like ultra humble?
But no, it's just a one of those dumb like... It fits though.
There's a similar letter.
Yeah.
It does work.
It's alliterative.
It does work in the end.
It's alliterative.
Yeah.
But you have to get more people than just Floridians and like weird political consultants to Watch this, this ad, um, what he could have done is, you know, he should have had like a sketch to go along with it, like a little bit, you know, he can't, you can't just say Ron to sanctimonious.
You got to have like a little, like a number, like a standup routine you do.
Yeah, I mean he kind of gave us, he was giving the listeners, because he was doing this in his little speech when he was just talking about everyone else he might hypothetically be running against.
Yeah, it was a poll taken of potential Republican primary candidates.
You can't give your audience that much credit that they're going to know all these deep cut things.
That's a pretty deep cut.
You have to not only know who DeSantis is, but know that he made this ad to know what he's saying.
Yeah, you said, they don't know that.
Yeah, I think Trump probably only knows it because he's in Florida.
Yeah, exactly.
Because he's campaigning in Florida.
Let me read from this article.
Former President Donald Trump took a swipe at Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis at a rally on Saturday night referring to him as Ron DeSanctimonious.
And what could be a sign of growing tension between the two potential presidential candidates?
Quote, we're winning big in the Republican Party for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before.
Trump told a crowd in Latrobe, Pennsylvania on Saturday night before going down the list of other Republicans who could potentially challenge him in 2024.
Man, this is like, this feels like he's losing it here more than the DeSanctimonious thing where he's just like, oh, it's like you've never seen before.
It's like, what?
Wait, what is?
The poll leading up to the Republican... It's... I don't know.
Feels like you're on autopilot.
Also, like... Shouldn't we have seen it before?
Like, when you did it?
Shouldn't this kind of be... Shouldn't you be saying words like, again, or something like that?
But you're not.
You're... Well, he was the underdog.
He was the underdog in 2016, and in 2020.
I mean, frankly, he lost, so... That just... Automatically, you're the underdog.
Yeah.
Ultimate underdog, yeah.
But now he's on top and it's like, I don't know if you'd taken a poll of people about a Ronald Reagan primary in 1984 or whatever.
What do you think the vote would have been?
Didn't Ronald Reagan win like 49 states?
Yeah, I think that's exactly it too.
He's like, no, no, I mean never seen before because no one's ever paid attention to whatever this data I'm talking about.
That's why you've never seen it before.
It's never been relevant until right now when I decided to make it the cornerstone of what I'm talking about.
Uh, quote, there it is.
Trump at 71%, Ron DeSanctimonious at 10%.
Trump told the crowd while reading approval numbers of various Republicans.
That's like his favorite thing to do is just like read positive press or positive numbers about himself.
Just like read it out loud and like look at the audience so they can applaud in real time.
Yeah.
See, look how great I am.
Here's proof of it.
Quote, Mike Pence at 7.
Oh, Mike is doing better than I thought.
Trump continued, that's a good joke, see?
You gotta do something like that about Ron DeSanctimonious, you know?
Exactly.
I probably could have got those numbers in less than 8 days.
You know what I mean?
Something like that.
Yeah, well, it only took him 8 days to get 10%.
Liz Cheney, there's no way she's at four.
There's no way.
But we're at 71 to 10 to 7 to 4.
The jab from Trump comes as the two are widely considered the two top Republican contenders to clinch the Republican presidential nomination and reports have circulated about possible growing tension between the two camps.
DeSantis dismissed rumors of a rift between him and Trump earlier this year saying that Trump is quote a friend of mine.
Yeah, Ron DeSantis is not running in the Republican primary.
Unless something crazy, unless Donald Trump has a heart attack or winds up in a coma, Ron DeSantis is obviously intelligent enough to not run against him in a primary.
Yeah, he also knows he's young enough to where he kind of needs to milk this whole Florida thing for a little bit longer and then go for it.
There's not a lot of reasons why he would be doing it right now.
Absolutely.
And so that's why it's so funny that Trump's still talking shit on him.
It's because, like, Trump, he just sees a name next to his name and has to talk shit on that person.
That's, like, all... He sees somebody who's not him and he just, like, is filled with just an intense, like, an intense disquiet and, like, vileness in his spleen that he needs to eject.
He, like, has his shit on him.
Like, I mean, we've even seen him do it to, like, his wives and stuff.
It's just like, nope, they're too close to my name.
I gotta shit on them a little bit.
Yeah, they're like almost me, but not.
They're in the uncanny valley between somebody else and me, and therefore all the more repulsive.
Yeah, they don't register quite as, like, exactly human.
Let me tell you why.
Here's a couple of jokes I've written based on their names and how they sound like other words sometimes.
Negative words, even.
Yeah, so it's just great.
And Ron DeSantis just has to take it on the chin.
He just has to be like, yes, sir.
Absolutely, sir.
I'm DeSanctimonious.
That's a good one.
We're friends, you know?
Yeah, because he knows that even though, as we'll see, Trump's base wasn't too stoked about this because they're DeSantis fans.
And the inverse is true.
DeSantis knows that his supporters are Trump supporters.
So you gotta be kind of cool.
Yeah, so there were like three major responses.
Oh, also I will say it was just funny to see Ben Shapiro's reporting on this because the thumbnail they used for the article, the headline is Trump launches attack on Ron DeSantis ahead of midterm election.
The thumbnail they used is one of Trump looking weird.
It's one of Trump looking mad and confused and weird.
It's like what they do for AOC where she's got the gaping fish lips.
Or Bernie Sanders where he's scratching his brow while his face is contorted into a mask of pain.
It's my, I think it's my new favorite picture of Trump.
Cause like, yeah, he just looks, he just looks fucked.
It's just that weird thing where he's, he's just saying some syllables that just come out of his mouth.
Weird.
His lips are disappeared.
His face looks smaller.
It's like scrunches, like eyes are like.
He's staring into the sun.
He's like, he's at a speaker, like he's got a microphone in front of him, but he's also staring into the sun.
You can see the glare on his forehead.
And so he's like squinting while he's saying whatever, just like picture this noise.
He's making that face.
Yeah.
I was going to say, he looks like he's kind of pushing a fart out.
He kind of looks like he's pushing a fart out.
But he's also pointing at his own temple.
So, like, as if I'm cuckoo.
Yeah.
Me.
It's me.
Uh, yeah.
What is he pointing at his head there for?
Like, what scenario is he doing that for?
Well, he's probably mocking someone else.
He's probably calling somebody else insane.
And just, yeah, no, perfect.
Because Ben Shapiro, you know, they're definitely team DeSantis.
If it's DeSantis versus Trump, they would cream their jeans to get Ron DeSantis in here.
Just, you know, a more, quote, normal, you know, awful human being.
Normal appearing, awful human being.
So it's just funny to see them use the same tactics of like an awful thumbnail because Trump said this thing that they obviously they're like all mad about.
But there were three major responses that I saw in the wake of this news.
First one here is like Jess Blaine says, I think if we don't know what is going on, we should all just chill the hell out until we do.
There's gotta be something going on.
Just trust your boy.
He hasn't really led us astray since, you know?
We can trust him.
There's gotta be a reason that DeSantis was being DeSanctimonious.
Yeah, I don't really understand what's going on.
I gotta wait for Trump to do more of a bit.
Do more of a routine, flesh out the material a little bit, and then I'll know what to think.
I think we should all just chill the hell out.
I'm actually going to wait for the Don Jr.
tweet about this.
Once I see the Don Jr.
tweet, I'll know what to do with this information.
The second response I saw was, like Phyllis says here, it was a joke.
He's just telling you, in an awkward manner, Ron has sold out to Mitch, Ryan, Jeb Bush, and his Rhino group.
So, so generous.
I just love how, like, don't you get it?
Don't you understand how good this joke is?
He wouldn't be making fun of him if he didn't just meet with Mitch, Ryan, Jeb, and the Rhino Group.
Yeah.
Everyone knows that.
I also love, like, it was a joke.
He's telling you in an awkward manner.
And it's like, well jokes are supposed to be a clever, a more clever manner of telling something.
It's only an awkward manner because he said sanctimonious.
What does that have to do with meeting with Mitch, Ryan, Jeb, Bush?
But, uh, yeah, um, no, I like that.
Yeah, there's, um, this is the theory that, uh, Ron DeSantis has indeed been supported by people like Jeb Bush.
Uh, he supposedly had meetings with, uh, Kevin McCarthy, Paul Ryan, all these, uh, fake rhinos.
Because Jeb Bush has been, like, saying positive things on behalf of the, uh, DeSanctimonious campaign and these are, like, Republicans that Trump slew in his own primary, and there were fake rhinos that he got ousted.
Man, one of my favorite moments in recent political history is the whole Paul Ryan, Eric, man, what is that fucker's name?
Just like the 2012 Republicans, they were called the Young Guns.
Oh shit.
And it was like how badass they were gonna fucking be and they released a book called Young Guns and then they were just all out of the Senate within four years because Trump ran specifically against them.
I totally forgot about that.
I totally forgot about that being the whole thing.
They were supposed to be the next wave and instead they decided to put this old man in there.
Eric Cantor.
Yeah, thank you.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man, it's so funny because I'm like, I found like, you know, the book again, and like, the young guns, they were like young and hip back then.
Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, and Kevin McCarthy.
Amazing.
Yeah, Kevin McCarthy's the only one left.
That's so funny.
Yeah, and he almost didn't make it.
I remember there being a lot of anti-Kevin McCarthy sentiment for years.
I think he was against Trump at one point, and still is probably.
Yeah, so that's another thing that they don't like, another thing that like the anti-DeSantis, pro-Trump, and it's funny because Trump isn't gonna be anti-DeSantis.
DeSantis is never gonna do anything bad enough to piss Trump off enough to come out and like campaign actually against him.
Trump has... Trump's campaigned for people he's made fun of plenty.
Him just saying, like calling him DeSanctimonious is because yeah, he saw his name.
His name was next to his name.
But it's very funny for the super pro-Trump people to have to react very strongly.
Be like, well yeah, he's a fucking traitor.
That's why he called him De Sanctimonious.
It wasn't because he had a really corny campaign ad portraying him as a gift from God, literally.
No, no.
Which would be effective in this crowd, you would think, is like, who does this guy think he is?
Like, he thinks he's so full of himself, he's, you know, well I guess they would all think they're all made by God, but in this specific sense, although the 8th day was for him to be made, I don't think, I don't know.
I think it was more like Trump.
Trump was the guy who was born on the 8th day.
If anybody was born on the 8th day, yeah.
The other thing is they don't think that DeSantis' response to the Mar-a-Lago raid was forceful enough.
Oh, I didn't even think about that.
I kind of forgot about that.
Because DeSantis is enacting a lot of the things that Trump's campaign was based off of.
Like I said, these people think that they're making Florida the most free state by making it one of the worst states policy-wise.
Yeah, by putting a veteran in your classroom.
Having a veteran teach you algebra.
But yeah, I forgot that, you know, that's also his, like, home state in a lot of ways, and yeah, the Mira Lago raid happened there, and he, he could have called in, the governor could have been like, hey, don't do that.
Don't, don't.
Yeah, where's the National Guard?
Can't you just call that off?
Oh, you can make sure someone doesn't get executed, but you can't call off people raiding my Mar-a-Lago home?
Yeah.
And then, I will say the majority of what I saw is of this third kind of response, which is pretty funny.
Uh, this is all over Fox News comment section.
Like, these are the top comments from Fox News comment section.
These are the top comments on, like, Facebook, on, in the Daily Wire.
This is, like, the number one response that I saw, which is, like, Let's Try This Again, who says, Voted for Trump twice.
He just lost me with this.
There is no reason to start calling DeSantis names.
The people who pay attention to politics, like these people who are posting online, like you said, Tony, they like DeSantis because he is specifically courting these people and he's doing it in a somewhat effective way.
He's wielding power indiscriminately much more than I would say Trump was able to do as president.
Yeah, and not only that, but he's currently doing it.
Trump has only been a talking head for the past couple years because he has no actual office.
He is just a pundit of sorts now.
Yeah, he's a media figure.
Yeah, so therefore, he's just talking shit where they're like, no, DeSantis is actually pissing people off more.
We're pissing people off wearing your hat, but he's pissing people off himself.
They're also trying to play 3D chess.
They're doing like fantasy football shit where they think that Ron DeSantis has a better chance against Biden next year because he doesn't have the baggage of Trump being like a clown.
Being just an actual dancing clown on stage.
And there's also their... They don't say Trump Derangement Syndrome, but they're like...
They say, there are so many people who will never vote for Trump no matter what.
So he's a liability.
And it's very funny to see them admit that.
It's very funny to see them to have to grapple with, oh, instead of just calling it Trump derangement syndrome or whatever, you have to like grapple with the reality that people genuinely detest him.
It's pretty funny.
He did like lose too, so they kind of have to admit some of that now.
Yeah, the ones who aren't fully down the rabbit hole of, you know, God Emperor Trump.
Totally.
Yeah, ah come on replies.
Exactly!
It turned my stomach.
It is divisive when we can't afford to be and it is classless.
He should be commending DeSantis if for no other reason than to broaden his own tent.
He should be referring to DeSantis as the example of a proud pro-American brave and right-wing Republican.
There are too few and Trump just lost my support with this.
I'm disgusted.
That's so stupid, too, because it's like, this is the thing.
They didn't read the article.
They didn't read why he's saying it.
Like, why would Trump say, hey, according to the polls, actually, this DeSantis guy is pretty great.
This DeSantis guy is actually kind of the ideal candidate.
I don't know.
How am I doing so well against him, actually?
That's my question.
Like, he can't do that.
So he only knows how to make fun of people.
Yeah, exactly.
That's all he knows.
That's all he wants to do.
That's all you want him to do.
What are you talking about?
It's so funny to see these people turn into never-Trumper centrists talking about optics and the dignity of the office or whatever.
These were pretty funny.
Chris Wilson said, this man is the biggest baby there is in America.
He needs to go away, period.
His policies were good, and he is what America needed in 2016.
Not anymore.
His narcissism is reprehensible.
We do not need this in the 2024 primary race.
Just go away already.
And then Fritz also says, Trump wishes he was as liked as DeSantis.
Dot, dot, dot.
Trump is too childish.
Dot, dot, dot.
DeSantis is who we should be looking at in 2024.
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
A DeSnatis slash Youngkin or DeSantis slash Gabbard ticket would give everyone a run for their money.
And these are the kind of people who want DeSantis over Trump.
It's like people who just who think because DeSantis is more handsome than Trump or doesn't like say as many curse words he will just automatically get elected.
Yeah, it's like, oh, he has all the policy that we love.
Because they swear that they loved Trump for his policy.
Because they were talking about like, oh, I miss the old Trump.
Not this baby who's a narcissist.
That's a new thing.
We like the old guy.
But yeah, so he's a more palatable version of him.
But that's just, you're just saying that.
That's who Trump's always been.
been sure and that's like his appeal anything else yeah that's that's his appeal and to pretend like DeSantis ever has a chance of winning against Trump is like crazy just wild and And it's coupled with this idea that, yeah, just, oh, DeSantis and Gabbard.
Now there's the thinking man's ticket.
Wow, a powerhouse.
She was a former Democrat, and now she's a Republican.
And Democrats are like, well, Democrats probably know who she is, but Republicans are like, who?
Who, what?
Sure.
She was a woman, now she's a Republican?
Is that what's going on?
The only people who know who Tulsi Gabbard is are people who listen to Joe Rogan or follow politics closely online.
Now there are a lot of Joe Rogan listeners, but compared to like voters?
I don't know.
Yeah and also like it's a big ask because like Joe Rogan listeners who are also going to be like DeSantis fans.
You know the whole thing is just like it's a fantasy book which is funny because why are you doing that now?
Well he would get the Joe Rogan fans who thought of themselves as more Mature or like more intelligent or crafty political operators and be like, yeah, he's the he's the Trojan horse and like some of that does like does scare me because Yeah, Ron DeSantis can be more outwardly facing normal and I hope that we never have to see that put to the test on a national stage
That's very true, because if you just, like, look at this guy, you wouldn't, you wouldn't necessarily, you don't, I mean, that's not how it ever works, really.
But you don't look at this guy and, like, see, like, the kind of, you know, weird, fucked-up monster he actually is.
He looks, yeah, he looks palatable.
He looks, like, pretty soft.
He looks approachable.
Yeah, and that would be, that would be something that would work.
But, like, we know, but because of the way this is set up, if you were to go up against Trump, then Trump would be, like, look at his little baby face.
This is not a real, this is not a real man, like, Who do you think you are?
He would just dunk on him and he would lose.
Yeah, it's like Reddit Brain.
Oh, we're going to get DeSantis to run with Tulsi Gabbard and Andrew Yang is going to be the Secretary of State.
And you know what?
Elizabeth Warren.
She gets to be Secretary of the Interior because she does have plans.
These are all sensible, you know, outside-the-box thinkers.
We're working across the aisle, you know?
This is really how it would work.
But we're gonna have DeSantis be the leader of that.
Amazing.
Interesting to see so many people turn on Trump this quickly, the second he goes after DeSantis.
Kind of a...
Proof that DeSantis is like the next Trump.
You know, a lot of people are super, a lot of Facebook moms and grandmas are super into Ron DeSantis.
I expect to be hearing more about the fellow in the future.
I mean, he's probably going to win re-election.
It's just like, obviously he's just gonna, you know, bide his time until something happens that allows him to step in.
The future's coming.
In our minds, we are the chosen ones.
Don't look now.
The future's coming.
It's time to get up and start to run.
Moving on.
You might have heard this from last week.
Paul Pelosi, this is Nancy Pelosi's husband.
Paul Pelosi was drunk again and in a dispute with a male prostitute early Friday morning.
Whoa.
I did hear about that.
From the Santa Monica Observer.
This is what this is from.
This is crazy.
I saw this totally real article and not a National Enquirer headline because it was posted by Elon Musk in reply to Hillary Clinton.
This was something where she said about, you know, because Paul Pelosi was attacked by a guy with a hammer.
In their San Francisco home.
Police came and it turns out the guy is deranged obviously.
He used to be like an Occupy Democrats style progressive slash nudist activist and more recently became a right-wing QAnon MAGA guy posting a lot of stuff about election fraud and fake news and draining the swamp etc etc.
Uh, before, yeah, breaking into the Pelosi's home.
Uh, so yeah, Hillary Clinton said something like, you know, Republicans, you did this or something like that.
And, uh, Elon Musk replied with this article saying something like, there might be a little more to the story than meets the eye.
Yeah.
This fucking like bat boy strikes in San Francisco headline.
Elon Musk.
He's like, me thinks we should withhold our judgment.
I actually heard it was a Slenderman.
I heard he was attacked by a Slenderman.
He is Slenderman.
Slenderman got two 12 year old girls to beat Paul Pelosi with hammers.
And then Elon Musk deleted the tweet.
Which is the funniest thing to me because If he had just done it to make fun of Hillary, you know, to like, as a joke reply or whatever, that's fine.
Yeah, but you would have left it up.
If you were like trying to fuck with Hillary Clinton, you would have left it up.
But no, about a thousand people replied to you, they were like, uh, this is like a totally crank website that does joke reports about Hillary Clinton being dead.
Things like that.
He deleted the tweet, which is super funny.
What an amazing mind on that guy.
Cowardly.
Which is funny because he obviously doesn't know how his own website works because it doesn't matter how many people are replying to it saying this is fake, this is not real, you're going to get enough people to believe it's real too and they're still going to think it's a nice little gotcha to miss, especially to a Hillary Clinton character.
It's so fun.
Like, there's no way Elon Musk even read this article.
Like, I'm surprised he actually shared a link and not just a screenshot of an iFunny upload of the article's thumbnail.
Let me read from here because I had to go on to the Internet Archive to get the original article because the Santa Monica Observer took it down with a little edit that they added to it that I'll read in a little bit.
Let me read from the original article.
Again, the headline, the awful truth.
Paul Pelosi was drunk again and in a dispute with a male prostitute early Friday morning.
Quote, Paul Pelosi stated that he doesn't know who the male is, but he advised that his name is David and that he is a friend.
End quote.
Yeah, right.
Which is, again, that's how we know this is a very, very real, very serious article.
Because we all know that Yeah Right is a time-honored tradition of journalists, in the gotcha moments, is to say Yeah Right and really mean it.
As San Francisco's gay bars closed at 2 a.m., two gay men met in a bar and went home together.
It's like written by a third grader.
Happens all the time.
Except one of the two men, comma, was married to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
Line break.
I might disappear for telling you the truth.
If I do, you'll all know why.
But here's what really happened this morning in San Francisco.
Line break.
According to San Francisco police, David DePape told Paul Pelosi he would wait in the home for Nancy Pelosi.
Quote, reporting party stated there's a male in the home and that he's going to wait for his wife.
Reporting party stated that he doesn't know who the male is, but he advised that his name is David and that he is a friend.
It's been a rumor for years in San Francisco that Paul Pelosi is gay.
David DePape is said to be a Castro nudist.
Quote, the lunatic who allegedly assaulted Paul Pelosi is a Berkeley resident and a quote, former Castro nudist protester and hemp quote jewelry maker.
I like how jewelry makers in scare quotes.
It's hemp too.
It's the hemp quote jewelry.
I love that.
I wish hemp was in scare quotes.
I wish they were implying that he was making it out of actual marijuana.
Out of like, buds.
Yeah, yeah.
I like that.
Dot dot dot.
Sounds totally MAGA Republican to me.
Twisted smiley face.
Or twisted laughing face.
Twisted laughing face.
This from Twitter.
That's how that sentence ends.
So I think he just copied a tweet down and pasted it.
I love it.
It's been a rumor for years that Paul Pelosi is gay.
Yeah, because he's like a, he lives in San Francisco.
So to anybody who hears about him from like Ohio, Or from Idaho, they're like, oh, he's gay.
He's the gay guy.
He's in San Francisco.
Yeah, if you live there, that's obviously how that works.
Everyone knows that.
Everybody knows that.
Not only are you gay, but you're definitely closing down the bars at 87 years old, for sure.
No doubt about it.
Okay, so here's the theory as expressed to me by a source and then we have another like quote copy and paste job Castro nudists are a group of really radical gay male prostitutes that parade around naked with cock rings First of all, the police did not come in response to an alarm they come in response Come on, they come in response to a quote wellness check.
So someone called them to check on Pelosi Quote, when he didn't answer the phone, the cops came inside.
When San Francisco PD arrived, Pelosi was with the subject, the suspect, both men in their underwear.
I have three stories that said it, and then they were forced to do a retraction, but I have the originals.
And the British papers still say it.
I mean, if the British papers still say it, then I mean, who?
I trust them more than the American media rags, you know?
Yeah, the British papers have it still in there right next to a honking pair of tits that they print out for some reason.
Just so they can.
Yeah.
Okay, so so many things going on here.
I love, they were forced to do a retraction, but I have the originals where they didn't retract it.
So it's, you know, it still happened in this one.
Like, do you know what a retraction is, man?
Do you know why they happen?
Yeah, it's censorship by the Pelosi lemmings that is the media.
They had to do a retraction because the Deep State got to all the newspapers and got to the cops too.
The thing about him being a friend is because the reason the police came is they did come from a call because Pelosi Went to the bathroom where his cell phone was charging while the guy was there, called the police, and just talked to the guy and said things like, so what are you doing here in my home?
And then things like, oh, we're friends.
David is your name and we're friends.
Yeah.
And so that's what the reporting reflected because somebody heard the call, somebody or somebody gave a tip about what happened on the call.
And people are like, oh, he was friends with the guy because he called him.
He literally called him his friend.
If they weren't, if he was like an intruder, if he was an actual enemy, he would have given him like an insulting nickname.
He wouldn't have called him a friend.
I actually heard from several accounts that not only upon arrival they did a secret handshake that only two friends would know, but they also had matching anklets.
They all had to be redacted, but I have several stories that all had to be, but that's what I heard.
And I don't do secret handshakes with strangers, I'll tell you that much.
Another thing was, they weren't both in underwear.
That was reported by one reporter.
So when he says he read it in three articles, they're probably all quoting that same journalist who said it and then retracted it because he didn't have the correct information.
I love this Dinesh D'Souza tweet.
Because it sums this up perfectly.
Dinesh D'Souza says, were Paul Pelosi and his attacker both in their underwear?
Both holding hammers?
And if the attacker didn't strike until after police were on the scene?
As a movie maker, I gotta say this script must be rejected.
Nothing about the public account so far makes any sense.
Yeah, no, the Pelosi's, this is, this makes no sense.
This can't be true.
They must be making this up.
This thing that other people made up, the Pelosi's and their actions, they must have made it up to cover up something much more sinister.
Like, what the fuck, man?
They're going to come up with a better story than this.
You know, I'm actually surprised that, I'm genuinely surprised that the story wasn't just like, you know, intruder is murdered, is like shot and killed and covered up.
I'm surprised that's not what happened.
Sure.
If it was an actual cover-up, yeah.
Yeah.
But no, of course they're going to say, they're making this stuff up.
But it's so funny because they get to laugh about it too, because they get to call him gay.
So they get to say it's ridiculous, but also it's super funny and probably true because he is gay.
You know what I mean?
Absolutely.
I mean, if he wasn't, they would have ran him out of town.
But I love him.
I love Dinesh D'Souza being like, I'm so confused.
What?
What?
This is crazy.
What are these crazy things that I believe?
They make no sense!
And it's also like, well then don't say anything, dude.
But you are saying something because you're still trying to get this out there.
You're still trying to make them, you know, yeah, it's so funny.
Nothing in the leaked initial reporting makes any sense to me.
What the heck?
And it's like, Oh, don't worry, uh, after the cops have, like, finally got their official story, their official presentation, uh, ready for the public, all of that stuff will be wrong too, man.
Like, yeah, it's, it's, come on!
What are you talking about?
But it's really funny.
It's so funny because they would normally love this story because it's an elderly person being attacked with a hammer in a major Democrat-run metropolitan area.
And normally, like, this person would be doing a fucking right-wing talk show circuit at this point.
How beloved they were just for being a victim of Nasty Nancy's filthy district.
But because it's Paul Pelosi, they get to laugh their heads off about it.
About the idea of an 83 year old man being attacked with a hammer by a mentally unwell person.
Um, they get to laugh at it so much so that Don Jr.
gets to retweet, quote tweet, a quote, David DePape Halloween costume and, uh, you know, a pair of underwear and a hammer with a caption like, awesome!
The internet stays undefeated with this guy who beat the elderly man with a hammer.
It'd be like Ilhan Omar dressing up as, I don't know, they probably have a famous knockout game guy they always think about.
Imagine Ilhan Omar being like, oh, I'm going as this guy for Halloween.
What's funny too, because it's like, I don't know, it's part of, it's part of John Jr.' 's like, he's really leaned into the epic internet lately.
Totally, yeah.
He's very, very about it.
He's extremely based.
Like, the place he's been most successful in his life, I think.
Yeah, yeah, he's really crushing it in that respect.
But what's funny is because it is Pelosi, who's like, you know, one of the ultimate... all these people have some sort of death threat against Pelosi in their timeline that they've written themselves to.
So therefore, yeah...
It is the perfect story.
It's San Francisco.
You already hate San Francisco.
You would have been like, this poor elderly person got attacked and they actually brought human shit into the house with them.
But this time, because it's them, it's like, nope, we gotta make it real fucked up.
Right, because the guy was doing it for, like, right-wing political reasons, insofar as you could say that he, you know, had control or, you know, control of mind and body over himself.
He went there to hog-tie Nancy Pelosi like you have airbrushed on the tailgate of your fucking pickup truck and then break her knees with hammers, man.
Like, but you have so many hammers in the picture you painted.
So you have to pretend like, oh no, he's probably gay, actually.
They're probably gay.
The 85 year old man was doing gay erotics.
Dude, he is not fucking anyone right now.
At all.
Yeah, it's just, that's not a thing.
I almost feel for the dude who did it because he's over here, he's saying like, no, I'm one of you.
I'm one of you.
And they're like, okay bud, sure you are.
It's what always happens.
It's what happened with the January 6th guys who actually went in there.
It's what happens anytime one of these people actually does what they say they're gonna do.
It's like, oh, that was Antifa, actually.
Get out of here, Fed.
Fed boy, fuck.
Yep, yep.
Every single time.
Yeah, this was just like their immediate response was just, oh, well, he was gay.
It was gay stuff.
Actually, it wasn't a right-wing guy.
They were all gay.
And it was just like...
Like a network, like a fungus network, they all just got the like little electrical signal came up through through the soil and was like, oh, gay, gay lover.
Because when I first, when I first heard of this story, I didn't think it was real at all.
I thought nothing happened because all I saw was like, you know, uh, you know, Nancy Pelosi's husband was beating his lover in the street with a hammer and you know, and it's none of it made, but they all were saying that.
It's the official story.
That's like the official belief on the right wing now.
It's, it's like up there with Trump won the 2020 election.
It's just is, it's up there with, With, like, Michelle Obama is trans.
It's just, it's like, it's something they all share.
It's part of being that way.
There's someone right now that's like, oh, Joe Biden won?
Oh yeah, sure, and Pelosi's husband doesn't, you know, beat his lover with a hammer in their underwear.
I'm so sure.
So people were responding to Don Jr.' 's retweet of the The elderly terrorizer costume?
The grandpa beater?
And somebody was like, oh, that's disgusting.
You know, people were like, wow, I really lost faith in the Republican Party.
And it's like this?
But, um...
You know, somebody was like, oh, that, you know, I wish Don Jr.
got the same visit.
And Pat replies, well, first, he'd have to have a gay boyfriend.
Second, live in gay town, USA.
I mean, Florida's not far off, buddy.
Yeah, yeah.
I just love that.
He'd have to have a gay boyfriend.
This is bi erasure.
These are children writing this, but they're not.
These are full grown adults.
Gay Town, USA.
I think I ate there once.
It was pretty good.
I think there is for sure more than one Gay Town, USA.
There's more than one Gay Town.
They probably hate it.
They're like, no, it's because we're happy.
We're happy to be here.
Stephanie says, Paul Pelosi was into gay men.
It was a quarrel.
They were friends.
Trump Jr., not gay.
This could never happen, because Trump Jr.
is totally not gay, so therefore, this part could never happen.
That's the thing that makes this real.
Yeah, think with your brain.
Don Jr.' 's straight, so this could never happen.
This real thing wouldn't have happened to him.
Todd says, wow, two gay guys have a hammer fight, the old dude lost.
And then someone was like, huh?
Complete sentences.
And Todd says, that was his gay lover.
Same dude that was in his car when he was arrested for DUI.
You know, I don't want to get too serious on this episode, but like, I just do want to, I do want to talk to, I do want to talk to all my gay friends out there, uh, to all the other gay boys out there.
Um, we got to stop hammer fights.
Okay.
We need to stop doing hammer fights where it's, it's bad.
People are, people are getting bludgeoned when we're doing these hammer fights.
There's other ways to set our coil corals.
Okay.
Put the hammers away.
Oh yeah.
Oh, and the DUI he had that was also cause he was gay.
He was gay in the DUI too.
It's really an intricate web they're weaving here.
But my favorite one was from Darla.
Said, did anyone watch or hear what the officer stated when he did the press conference on this situation or what Paul said on the 9-1-1 call?
If so, why are news outlets reporting a whole different story?
Keep up, Darla.
I mean, like, things change.
The world moves on.
Things change from day to day.
Why isn't the news the same today as it was yesterday?
I don't know, Darla.
It's a different day.
Why did Paul call this man David and say he was a friend on the 9-1-1 call?
There would be answers for all of these.
Do you like, do you think Darla would accept any, any answers?
No.
Yeah.
No way.
No way.
Cause apparently they like listened to the call themselves, which I don't think that happened.
And also, uh, this, this press conference I think was the final statement.
That anyone should go off of.
There's this one press conference and this phone call they supposedly listen to.
That's all the evidence I need.
Wow.
If you listened to that phone call and you thought Paul Pelosi was just pretending to be David's friend, you must think he's just the best actor in the world.
Because I listened to that 9-1-1 call and I was like, oh no, this is Friends.
He's using stilted language pitched for the police to hear.
Yeah, I can tell.
I can tell.
Yeah, absolutely.
I love this though.
Were they roleplaying Smack the Winky S&M style?
Not the other style that you roleplay Smack the Winky, but Smack the Winky S&M style roleplaying.
Is that what they were doing?
That's so gnarly.
I think so.
It's one of the gnarliest phrases I've ever... Smack the Winky S&M with a fucking hammer.
Yeah, you don't ever just like get together with your bros and just smack each other's winkies with hammers?
83-year-old bros?
I loved it.
Like, yeah, dude, the 83-year-old Mr. Congressman, Mr. Nancy Pelosi, was hitting his dick with a fucking hammer?
No, I'm not gonna say that he does not enjoy getting his dick crushed with a hammer.
He just might.
But when that does happen, I'm sure there's a lot of NDAs that are being signed, and it's happening in a more professional manner.
But I don't think that, yeah, it's definitely not happening in the middle of the street like you think it is.
Oh.
Mutually.
Oh, Paul Pelosi, I read that he was admitted to the hospital because he had a piece of glass embedded in him.
He was probably trying to put a whole mason jar up his ass when it exploded and shattered everywhere.
You're a sick person, Darla.
Yeah, what's wrong with you?
Oh, car accident?
Sure.
So sure.
We've all seen what happens when you jump on a mason jar.
Okay.
I don't know.
Let's move on.
That's just the official story.
Oh, here's the update from... Amazing.
This is the best.
This is the update from the Santa Monica Observer that I teased at the beginning of this segment.
So, the story was down.
You couldn't visit the story anymore on the official website.
But there was a little blurb up top by the author.
At the request of the prosecutor's office, my original opinion piece has been taken down.
I am a law and order guy, and a dude who would swing a hammer at an 82-year-old man's head belongs in jail.
I want to see DePape locked up for a long time, not free because the jury pool has been prejudiced against him, or because we have created a reasonable doubt in an odd narrative.
This story has always been labeled opinion.
My original post expressed the opinion that David DePape and Paul Pelosi were, quote, A description Paul Pelosi used in his call to 9-1-1.
I love that.
This genius, it's amazing.
This story was always... Saying it's an opinion... Yeah, saying it's an opinion is just doing, is doing, you know, in Fortnite.
That's all it is.
Like, you can just say whatever the fuck you want, and then as long as you retroactively say it was an opinion, which when reading the original, there is no evidence of you saying this is an opinion piece.
It's so, this is the literal title.
The Awful Truth.
Paul Pelosi was drunk again and in a dispute with a male prostitute early Friday morning.
Literally the word truth in your headline.
Also, uh, I might disappear for telling you the truth.
You're just a moron!
It was clearly labeled satire.
I kind of want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
He just doesn't know how to write that well.
He doesn't know how to write for an audience.
Well, I don't know, he does use, like, scare quotes at some point, so he could have done those, like, you know, those, like, quotes that make it satirical at any point, but just chose not to.
It's so funny, yeah, just, at the request of the prosecutor's office.
Oh, oh, oh shit, you mean that article I posted might not, it's not cool I can't do that?
Okay.
Good stuff.
Yeah, this is now canon though.
This is canon that Nancy Pelosi's husband is a gay guy who likes to hit his penis with a hammer.
Play smack the winky.
Yeah, okay.
Amazing.
Moving on.
Okay, our final segment is a topic that I've been wanting to cover for a while or just hoping it would come up.
and And it has.
And what that is, is the right wing's opinion about self-checkout.
Mm-hmm.
Self-checkout, especially is like the older generation right-wing response to this.
Self-checkout is something that, of course, it's a growing phenomenon.
It's something that almost everybody is experienced either by choice or, you know, by force.
Something that obviously has its upsides and downsides alike.
Well, that story came up today in the form of this.
Michigan woman arrested for failing to scan all items at a Walmart self-checkout.
And this is from Fox News here.
This is really kind of a scary story.
It is.
For me and Tony, I think.
It's chilling.
Kind of like a wake-up call, maybe.
Close.
Close.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's definitely... I'm taking notes, that's for sure.
Okay.
Police say that Teddy Jo Marie Flam stole over $1,000 worth of items from Walmart since April.
And like I said, I'm reading here from Fox News.
A Michigan woman is being charged after allegedly stealing items from Walmart by not scanning all of her items at the self-checkout.
Well, that sounds like an honest mistake to me up until this point.
Yeah.
Police say 34-year-old... Wow, another huge, like, hit really close to home for me right there.
Yeah, I don't know about that.
That's, yeah, that's too real.
Police say 34-year-old Teddy Jo Marie Fleum was using the self-checkout at an Alpena County Walmart when loss prevention workers noticed she wasn't scanning every item.
Fleum became agitated and denied she was skipping items when confronted by a loss prevention worker and left the store, according to a report from Fox 2.
This is like rookie shit.
Rookie mistake right here.
I don't know if you're seeing the same thing I'm seeing, Tony.
Yeah.
No, those machines are complicated.
They're complicated.
You've never been trained on how to use them.
You don't know what all the beep, this beep means, that beep means, you know.
Oh, I didn't scan some.
I'm sorry.
Which ones didn't I scan?
This thing is so confusing.
Thank you so much for your help.
Oh, now that I scan it and I see how much it actually is, that's... No, thank you.
Can you actually take it off?
And if you want, I'll put it back.
I'll put it back to you.
I know it's a lot of work.
That's a... That's a lot of work for you to do that.
They won't let you do it.
That's a pro move.
They won't let you try.
But yeah, it's not my fault.
I'm so sorry.
If security or loss prevention or even associate ever notices that you forgot to scan some things, thank them for noticing.
Oh, thank you so much.
That's all you have to do.
You're human.
It's okay to make mistakes.
The incident caused the store to review its surveillance footage.
You don't, this is what you don't want to happen.
Which showed Fleum had stolen more than $1,000 in merchandise by not scanning it from the Walmart since April.
They have her mug shot here.
She looks like a white, young white lady with her hair up in a bun.
Fleum was arrested at her Alpena home last month and is charged with first degree retail fraud.
What the fuck is that?
That's not even the same thing as theft.
Retail fraud is a totally different thing.
They invented something just to fuck over shoplifters.
Specifically just for shoplifters.
The Alpena County Walmart's loss prevention team has recently begun to crack down on thefts at the self-checkout with Michigan State Police recording two similar incidents in which people were arrested after swapping barcodes while checking out items.
How do you get noticed doing that?
That's... You're blowing it.
Yeah.
You're blowing it.
Wow.
Wow, that's... You know, that's wild.
That's a wild one right there.
Walmart began using artificial intelligence to crack down on self-checkout thefts in 2019.
This is why I don't like subscribe to...
Whatever, whatever.
It's called Russell's Basilisk, Rossollo's Basilisk.
The theory that we should be nice to computers because AI is eventual and they'll remember everybody who is mean to computers and they'll travel backwards in time to eliminate any threat to the advent of AI.
So you just always want to be thinking nice things about the computers.
It's like you live in the town controlled by that little boy in Twilight Zone, but it's AI instead.
It's AI, yeah.
Just gotta abide by it.
Yeah.
Um, no, I think we should say fuck AI.
It's literally being used by Walmart to arrest poor people.
Yeah.
This is fucking crazy.
Like the money they invest in the AI, they definitely could have, you know, put towards, uh, employees.
So funny.
It's so funny and a lot of people make that observation in their responses.
The system known internally as missed scan detection can monitor both self and managed checkout stations and reports potential missed scans to an attendant who can investigate.
"Walmart is making a true investment to ensure the safety of our customers and associates." Walmart's.
Listen, cops, they're crazy.
They might kill you when they come to arrest you.
We want to ensure your safety.
We want to make sure we can we can prevent that from happening.
Yeah, safety is like not, how are you justifying this being a safety thing?
You know?
Well, no, because if you don't, if you don't pay for the item, you might not respect it, what it is.
So you might use the item recklessly.
Yeah.
This is, you never know.
This is, this is for your own safety.
Um.
Walmart ensures, uh, this hurts us more than it hurts you.
They do, they do go on to say that.
It's, there's, I have a couple defenses of Walmart here, but it's like, how can you defend a company who spent $500 million over three years investing in how to make you check their items out better by the threat of police.
Yeah.
That's, that's, that's a big, that's a, that's a lot of, that's a big number.
It's so funny.
Like, and okay, let's get, let's just get into responses here.
Cause I have quite a few and they're all so interesting to me.
The main response here, I'll just read these off real quick.
Arthur, maybe they should hire people.
Bill Dearman says, they should probably hire people to do this instead of letting us untrained scanners handle it.
Robert Bailey says, all Walmart is trying to do is put people out of a job.
Dot, dot, dot.
Not.
That they don't make enough money already.
Dot, dot.
Put the cashiers back at the register where they belong.
Dot, dot.
I already have a job.
I don't need theirs too.
Dot, dot, dot.
These are all from Fox News.
Um Everett says so what isn't it just payment for a non-employee doing checkout work?
Donna says, anyone surprised?
What did they think would happen?
Like Walmart doesn't make enough money to hire cashiers?
GREED!
I love this because this is definitely being motivated by having to wait in long lines at Walmart.
That's where this is coming from.
And they're right.
They're totally right here.
This is the boomer meme about self-checkout.
If I didn't scan an item, well, that's because I wasn't trained on how to use the scanners.
That's like...
A year old me, an 18 month old meme at this point that you still see going around, like getting hundreds of thousands of likes and shares on Facebook.
Old people hate the self-checkout.
They hate it with a passion.
And it's like, yeah, you know, mostly for selfish reasons, sure, but that allows them to express the very true you know opinions about this them doing labor for a fucking private company and and like your tax dollars are going to them to underpay their employees there are other employees that do exist and they're also going to call the cops on you if you don't perform those duties well enough
That's, I think that's, I think that's also part of, I think there's a fear of like, what if I use the self-checkout and I mess up and they call the cops on me?
What if that happens?
It's, that's not my fault.
I'm not trained in this.
Totally.
Um, Tommy, I loved this one.
It's just really quick.
The same vein, a lose prevention worker.
Hmm.
Didn't these people used to be called cashiers and they used to actually work and cash you out.
Welcome to woke corporations with no work positions.
We should get a discount for doing their job.
So just like, right, right, right, wrong, weirdly wrong, right, right, right.
Woke?
Yeah, the woke corporations laid off their low paid employees anyway.
Yeah, what, like, what, you don't even know how to- Do a self-checkout.
It just means they don't like it.
How are you justifying this being woke?
Yeah, exactly, that's all it means.
They're a corporation, so they're woke.
That's the new way to insult a corporation.
Okay, there were some more interesting responses, though.
Like Rob, who says, I watch people at my local Walmart scan all of their stuff, bag it, and walk out without paying for it.
I have to tell the people at the door so that I can start scanning my items.
They do nothing but delete that person's purchase.
And don't even do anything but go back to sitting on their butts.
So that maybe happened once, maybe?
Like, and it was probably like a small item, I'm sure, because like, as we just saw, Walmart will freak the fuck out if they know you're doing that.
Like, they check receipts at most Walmarts when you're exiting.
So many of these people are like, so many of these people are like receipt truthers as well.
They're like, you do not have to legally show your receipt to the person at the exit!
You know, Walmart does not have, they type it on their Facebook page, Walmart does not have the right to use my receipts imaged for verification purposes.
But then they'll say, like, what about Costco?
And they'll say, Costco, you signed a membership to Costco, so you agree to the terms of signing the receipt, showing them the receipt.
I did not sign up for Walmart, I signed up for Costco.
Costco, I respect what I'm getting into.
I understand the rules.
That's why they don't have samples at Walmart.
That's exactly why.
It's so funny that they don't think that there are like automatic rules you have to follow because you're on somebody else's private property.
That person can say anything or kick you out for any fucking reason they want, man.
Like, I don't know.
You think you're a sovereign citizen or whatever, but you also love the thing that grants private property ownership infinite amount of rights.
I love Donna calling it greed in that earlier comment I read.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, you know, capitalism is great.
It's just when they get too greedy.
Somebody said that, oh, yeah, at Walmart, they used to have flags all over the walls that said Made in America.
Not anymore.
And it's like, what?
I don't know if Walmart ever had Made in America stuff.
I don't remember that.
I don't remember that at all.
But also, somebody responded, oh, well, that was Walton Sr.
or whatever.
Now that the kids have taken it over, everything's gone to crap.
And that's, like, the story of this country.
And it's very funny.
It's true.
That it kind of is the story of this country that like the ruling class handed down the reins of power to their offspring to their like fellow class the same members of the class that they were in but you know the next generation And it's they're just like, oh, what?
I don't know.
The only thing to do now at this point is to scrape more of the rind out of the shell before the whole thing collapses.
And yeah, that's what they're doing by not selling made in America, made in America products if they ever fucking did, but also paying people less, keeping the minimum wage the same for 50 years.
Uh, instituting these self-checkouts, that's part of it too.
And it's also funny because some people will say, well, this is what happens when you get a $15 minimum wage.
But then other people will rightfully say, no, they've been around longer than the $15 minimum wage.
Yeah, we absolutely have.
This is just all capitalism.
And I know it's redundant for most people who are listening.
This is what happened.
It's families of capital just handing down wealth over generations, keeping it within the class, and you just get a shadow of a shadow of any sort of quote, made in America product or good service.
You ever got unless you have something to push back against it, like a union, like a work, then maybe you can maybe still.
And like the Walmart, the Walmart like model is like running a skeleton crew, having absolute minimal employees, like working at, you know, at any given time.
That is their that is their model.
You know, and it's the they would still have just as little people working the checkout stands with or without the self-checkout.
That's true.
There's no change here.
And yeah, I don't know, but this time that they're reminiscing over, I think this is before our lifetime.
Yes, I don't ever remember that being part of the Walmart thing.
The Walmart thing was, this is the cheapest, this is the most accessible version of the items, period.
Yeah.
And I think it had to do with quality or being a one-purchase type item as in, you know, Made in America, high quality, whatever.
I don't ever remember that being a thing.
So yeah, that's a stretch.
No, they became woke by selling products made in China or something.
Like you said, Tony, the only thing I've ever known about Walmart is that it's cheap.
It's cheap out like NAFTA shit.
So maybe NAFTA changed that.
I can't really speak to that.
That's true.
But yeah, it is just capitalism.
Regardless of how much the employees were going to be paid, as soon as it was cheap enough to replace them with automation, it's going to happen.
Because automation doesn't need healthcare.
Automation doesn't need a retirement plan.
Automation doesn't take a break.
It doesn't need a break.
Yeah, exactly.
And that's not greed.
That's just the algorithm of capitalism.
That's what it's working towards.
And it's funny because I'll say this now before I forget, because this is a thing, because old people raging against the machine in this case is a real phenomenon.
You get like vaguely left-book liberal Facebook groups, like conservatives getting mad about things or whatever.
You'll get them sharing boomer posts about stealing from Target because of through self-checkout.
Where they have to then somehow dunk on the senior citizen who's arguing stealing from a corporation for fun as a joke.
And also as a form of like somewhat class warfare, kind of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You have to get like the two online Facebook liberal people who are like, Oh, these boomers just hate the future and technology.
And I don't want, I don't want anyone to work at a Walmart.
Nobody should have to work at a Walmart.
It's like, okay, what do you think is actually happening though?
Why are we even talking about whether self-checkout is, you know, stealing from self-checkout is okay?
Because like, you know, are they even going to have self-checkout out of the revolution?
Why are we even talking about that now, you know?
That's me being generous.
Yeah, I actually enjoy self-checkout.
It's like, okay, then fucking keep your mouth shut.
They're not going to get rid of self-checkout.
The boomers aren't going to get rid of self-checkout.
Don't worry about it.
It's just funny.
Like, if you have, like, any sort of idea for a left future, one of the big things that's going to have to be able to happen to make that happen is, like, a strong labor movement.
And as the jobs go away, you lose that mechanism of power where you can leverage the workforce to your will.
Yeah, self-checkout should be the thing that really does solidify some class consciousness across the board.
But it's not, because people are going to, like you said, they're going to go ahead and... Because it is a boomer saying that, they're going to be like, nope, you're just scared of technology.
Like, no, no, you're not quite getting it.
Look at these Karens trying to speak to the manager to...
It's like, no, they're not trying to speak to the manager.
They're trying to sneak past the manager with a bottle of wine.
The union pages will post memes that are like...
These self-checkout machines, uh, steal jobs, don't use them, boycott them, et cetera, et cetera, which is like not going to do anything.
That's a boycott of a, it's not, I, I don't, I don't begrudge them for trying or like, at least like you said, Tony raising awareness on a working class issue or whatever boycotts not going to do anything.
But, um, no, it is kind of like a topic of political conversation right now on, on several fronts.
Um, Whenever I do go to a regular checkout where I have someone check me out, I always let them know that I'm doing it out of solidarity for them and that I'm with them, you know?
Yeah, exactly.
I make kind of a big scene to it.
I say, is your manager here?
I just want to let them know why I'm coming to you, why I am using you as a checkout person.
That's the only way that's going to make a difference is if you pull the manager's side every single time, but that's not going to happen.
I mean, honestly, yeah, it would be funny and bad if you just used that time to berate the existing employee for nobody being at the regular checkout, or the self-checkout, rather.
But yeah, no, if you complain to the manager enough, I mean, who cares if it doesn't work?
You're still getting to talk shit to a manager.
I don't know, there's probably some good target managers out there, maybe.
If you're a good target manager, I salute you, I guess.
I'm just glad I don't have to work for you.
You're a good target manager.
Prove it by joining the Patreon.
Right.
Yeah, Deja View has very timely response.
Many of you are actually complaining about quote self check out.
If you don't like it, don't use it.
Get in line with all the other sheep who need a live person to scan your groceries.
Then, when the, quote, self-check is gone, all those shoppers will be in front of you!
Ya gotta be kidding me.
Rolling eyes emoji.
I can't, I really can't tell what this person wants.
Like, so... You fucking sheep.
Using, using the regular, the regular checkout.
I love just like, oh yeah, wow.
Now Beta Boy needs somebody else to scan his groceries.
Oh, mommy gonna wipe your mouth after she scans your, your, uh, your bananas?
That's amazing.
I love that.
Here come the eggs into Bobby's bag.
I just imagine them self-righteously using the scanning gun just so hard.
Do you need help with that sir?
Do I need help?
Does it look like I need help?
I've scanned this one twice.
You're welcome.
Yeah, just handling it tactically like you're clearing an apartment complex.
It's like keeping it at your side.
Having your kid throw items up in the air.
Actually, I'm going to do that later tonight at Target.
Have her throw some stuff.
I'm just going to pick them off in the midair like playing skeet.
Uh, I love, yeah, sheep.
Bah!
Bah!
Get in line!
I mean, you're literally standing in line.
It's just like that meme.
Wow.
You ever notice they can just, like, stop what you want to do just with one little elastic cord that goes across the line?
Not me.
Never me.
It's just like that meme is everybody's in line for the regular checkout and then the line for the self-checkout is empty and then the like self-checkout machine looks sad.
It's got like a sad look on its face.
It says 2022 above.
This is the year of 2022.
No one even uses me anymore.
So sad.
Yeah, get in line with all the other sheep.
Just like a nerdy babe picks up a self-checkout machine and turns into like a hot slut.
Some guy is like bragging about how he knows all the produce SKUs.
Jeremy Pike says, sorry, we can't afford anything anymore.
Thanks, Joe Biden and everybody that supported him.
That's why she was stealing, Tony.
It's because there's a Democrat in office.
Did she maybe try using that as a defense?
She probably should have tried that.
I wouldn't have been doing this if you guys need a date.
Hey, don't blame me for doing this.
I voted for Trump.
Yeah, they're going to be like, oh, do you have a confession?
You know, how do you plead to your charges?
And she brings out an I did that sticker and slaps it on the stand, the witness stand or whatever.
Slaps it on the monitor, playing back the footage of her not scanning things.
Uh, this is so perfect because they're doing the crime is high because there's a Democrat in office, but not because the Democrat is like hypnotically convincing criminals to do more crime.
Uh, it's no, it's because the good citizens, we can't afford things anymore.
Thanks to the Democrat being in charge.
That's why we're, that's why we stole.
It's amazing how, like a switch, it just flips.
Instantly.
I remember not stealing things under Trump, I remember that.
I mean, not me, I don't remember that, but the hypothetical person.
It's just funny to play these fucking games when you actually have groceries to buy.
You actually have to buy groceries every other week or every week or whatever and you still have to pretend that they're high because of Joe Biden?
You have to pretend you loved buying groceries under Trump?
Like what, like what do you think the prices of, I haven't looked at this and this would be like a really pedantic own, but everybody, like Aldi just came out with a promotion that said we're going to sell groceries for Thanksgiving at 2019 prices because inflation is so bad and we want to like, Give a treat to our customers.
And right-wing media is reporting this as, Aldi says they're going to price goods to Trump's, to what Trump, they were in Trump's term.
Amazing.
And that's how they're all marketing it.
And it's like, whoa, things used to be cheaper.
That's crazy.
It's, that's definitely because there's a Democrat in office now.
It's not like the thing that people have been complaining about since the dawn of time.
This is so funny.
This was another fairly common response I saw, but definitely nowhere near the top genre, the top flavor of response, which was 100% jokingly, oh, I steal from the self-checkout all the time.
They owe me more money, in fact, because of how many items I did scan without being paid for it.
Yeah, they're like, I'm not going to do this emotional labor for you.
It's so funny.
I love that.
But yeah, GG, this is another somewhat common response.
I would say like the second, like a very distant second, like a 10% to the first 71% of people who were like, fuck self-checkout.
This is like the Ron DeSanctimonious level of response.
GGof11 says, A few weeks ago, I had about 14 or 15 items, mostly small, and decided to use self-checkout, something I rarely do.
One of my items, parenthesis, a greeting card, so 10 bucks now, what, fell over in the cart laying flat on the bottom.
As I was checking out, my grandson was filling my cart back up with the bagged items, which covered the card.
When I got out to my vehicle there was the card and I realized I didn't pay for it.
I took it back in and explained I needed to pay for the card and what happened.
The manager thanked me and took 20% off the card.
Two women in line told me I was crazy to bring it back in and I said I have my grandson with me and the example I set for him is my most important thing I do that day.
Okay, so what you're saying is Fill your cart up and say, hey, I actually left with all this stuff before.
I'm bringing it back in to purchase it now.
And maybe they'll give you a discount.
Is that what I got from this?
Not a bad idea.
Yeah.
I love it so much.
I'm sorry, I understand the reluctance to steal or even to do it accidentally or whatever.
You can steal from Walmart.
You don't have to feel bad about that.
They're the devil.
Any major corporation.
You can teach your grandson the value that Walmart is the devil.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's a huge value to instill in your children.
Like, one of the great joys of life that we have as human beings is realizing that we got something for free.
Like, whether you meant to do it or not, you know, you look at your receipt and say, oh, that seemed a little cheaper.
Oh, you know what?
I don't think that they scan this.
This is a great day.
You don't go back in.
That's some loser shit.
This was funny.
Talk about loser shit.
Listen to this one.
Congo the Tiger said I was in Walmart once with my son that was six at the time.
Apparently he saw a curled up $20 bill near the baseboard of an aisle.
He picked it up and said somebody lost their money.
So I used it as a teaching moment and we brought the bill to a floor manager.
The guy told my son thanks and quickly stuck the bill in his pocket with no explanation walked off.
My son said, Daddy, he's not going to give it back to the person that lost it, is he?
I told him probably not, but that doesn't make it right.
My son always reminds me of that.
He became an Eagle Scout and U.S.
Marine.
You have to try and teach right from wrong and live it.
I love being like, I taught my son the important lesson that I'm a huge dumbass.
Yeah, like that.
What are you talking?
A lost $20 bill?
What are you going to say it over the loudspeaker?
Attention, does anybody want a $20 bill?
No, you have to have them.
That's why I memorize the serial numbers to all of my dollar bills.
Only the last four though.
Only the last four.
I'm not ridiculous.
Yeah.
Like what, what the fuck is that?
How, how would you ever prove that?
Like at the very, at the very best possible scenario, that manager put that into the pizza party fund.
That's like the only like, but it wouldn't happen.
What if the manager was like, oh, uh, great.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Um, I'm actually, not only am I the manager of the store, I'm also the store's wallet inspector.
Uh, and I need to look at yours for a moment and see what the inside of a wallet looks like.
So I can, uh, look for clues as to where this $20 bill might've come from.
Yeah.
Like what are you, what are you doing, man?
I taught my son how to give away $20.
Like, um, also, also when he was sick, this was a long time ago.
Yeah, but he became a marine.
Yeah.
Fucking crayon eater.
Amazing.
Amazing.
Um, and then, yeah, Zip, Zipastro said, what did they really expect?
It's honor system in a society that has lost most of its honor.
Damn.
Again, shut the fuck up.
You're talking about honoring Walmart.
Yeah.
Man, shut up.
Do you think Walmart has any has a sense of honor for you or for anybody?
No, not exactly.
It's not an honor system when they're gonna when they're gonna charge you for grand theft whatever it was called.
Like, how honorable is it to, like, have to buzz a button and, like, wait for someone to let you into a cage to access hygiene products?
Like, and you're like, you gotta honor them.
Yeah.
They don't have an honor system at Walmart.
They're, like, they're fucked at Walmart.
If there ever was an honor system, I wonder what led to its erosion.
Is it possibly places, a company, corporation, like Walmart, decimating towns across America?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, so this one, this is the response that like, was kind of like, kind of boggled my mind.
Grist Grinder says, no one is entitled to a job.
Self-checkout is because labor costs have gotten too high.
These costs are not just wages, but benefits, benefits, yeah.
All the benefit package you get at Walmart, I'm sure, was through the roof.
Benefits, insurance, taxes, social security, medicare, workers comp, etc.
We are going to see more of this, not less, in the future.
Get used to it.
Like too high for Walmart?
Like what are you talking about?
Like you say that That the cost of wages is too high for Walmart?
Walmart that's worth 382 billion dollars?
Is that what you're saying?
Do you even know what Walmart is?
Do you know that most of their money is not even made in that store that you go to anymore?
They have like an Amazon...
As the conditions worsen, a lot of people are going to dig their feet in and just move these goalposts.
are you talking about you don't know anything about what money is you claim to know the value of money but yet you have no clue what it is actually this is and this is it's wild as the conditions worsen a lot of people are gonna dig their feet in and just move these goalposts no one is entitled to a job yeah You're not even entitled to slave away for me to give you enough money to eat.
And you, you know, you, you've heard nobody's entitled to, uh, whatever, a home.
Nobody's entitled to food or whatever.
You're not even entitled to work for that shit.
That's how, like, that's a, what an awful thing to think about.
And this is the shitty job.
This is supposed to be like the shitty job too.
Yeah.
No one's even entitled to the shitty job.
Like what the fuck, man?
What are you talking about?
Where do you, What do you want people to do?
You're not even allowed bootstraps to pick yourself up from.
No one's entitled to that either.
What are you talking about?
No one is entitled to decide what happens to their body after they die and the bio-return squad comes to collect it.
That's not up for debate.
No one's entitled to that.
Man, and then this sofa tiction replied, "Exactly my thought.
I imagine things will continue on the same lines until we are in line with the way Earth is in that show The Expanse.
That people have to win the lottery to get into a vocation training program and the rest of the population just live off basic assistance provided by the government." It's not the way I want things to go, but it's the direction things appear to be moving with the progressive slash liberal movement.
Making the people rely on the government to survive gives complete control of your freedoms.
Amazing and like what's funny about this is the total lack of self-awareness because you're saying I'm pretty sure people are going to have to test into into like their jobs and their position in society and you're also kind of thinking that you're somehow going to qualify into one of those roles.
Well, they're probably already retired.
They're probably already sitting on a pension.
You know, I mean, I realize older people are not doing well either.
Not everybody has a pension.
But I imagine, like, it's somebody who doesn't really have to worry about, I don't know, this doesn't seem like somebody has to worry about their situation.
Yeah, it's so so I love this.
And don't worry, though, everyone else is going to live off some sort of, you know, government assistance program, which like this same person probably has screeds about on house people.
It's like, that's not happening.
Where do you think this is happening at?
Blaming the progressive liberal movement for companies, like, going completely automated, private companies going completely automated, and then the government having to pick up the slack, which, like you said, Tony, there's no evidence to indicate that they ever would pick up the slack, you know, without, like, the threat of, like, mass violence or something.
Yeah, it's just, it's heartening to see, like, so many more people being like, what?
Like, fuck Walmart.
I don't care about Walmart.
Yeah.
You know, there is a race component to this.
This woman is white.
Um, so there were people pretending that the only reason she was arrested was because she was white.
That wasn't getting much traction there were like some people trying to make a race thing out of this now if it were a black person arrested I think there probably would have been a different reaction to this they're probably at least initially But I don't know, it's good to see them, like, not giving a fuck about a corporation.
And it's not for, like, woke reasons, even though one person tried to make it about that.
You know, this is, like, for good reasons.
Yeah, they do understand.
They do understand that, like, they're not giving people jobs the way they should be.
And it's only because they have to feel some sort of brunt by thinking they have to do some sort of labor.
But either way, we're getting there.
Hopefully we're getting somewhere.
You shouldn't have to do labor for a company for free.
I agree with that part too, you know what I mean?
So just because boomers are bad in a lot of respects or whatever, you don't have to be anti-boomer about everything.
The goal is to Get some boomers on our side.
Get as many as we can, you know?
And if they're stealing from Walmart gleefully, I don't know, maybe there's some neutral ground.
Maybe there's some common ground there, you know?
Don't pooh-pooh just out of hand everything, you know?
Give them a chance.
Yeah, just, hey, give Self Checkout That a chance, you know?
All right.
That's the episode.
Thanks so much for listening.
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