All Episodes
Previous Next
March 7, 2022 - Minion Death Cult
01:21:00
Not too surprisingly, most people overestimate how destructive nuclear weapons are

UNLOCKED: War is hell, and so are the takes Minion Death Cult is entirely listener funded. Support the show for $3.11/mo at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get a bonus episodes like this every week. Also get instant access to hundreds of bonus episodes right in your podcast app. Music: Broadcast - Message from Home

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get you.
All their environmental stuff.
Stay tuned.
All right, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And this is Minion Death Cult.
We are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
People overestimating just how bad the world ending would be is responsible.
We're documenting it.
What's up everybody?
It's your Patreon episode for the week.
And I think it's that time, Tony.
I think it's time for us to solve the conflict in the Ukraine.
Alright, good, good.
You know, a lot of people have been discussing this topic, but I'm sure people want to hear, you know, the Minion Death Cult take on things, our specific view of things, which is of course that war is bad.
Yeah, it's a huge bummer.
We were hoping that they could just work it out and we weren't going to have to say anything.
I wanted to just stay in my lane, but we gave them a good week, week and a half, and you know what?
It's still going, so we've got to say it out loud now.
Yeah, war is bad.
The worst parts, I think, are the death and destruction.
Real close second to those, of course.
One of the main reasons war is so bad is because of the awful takes it generates.
The stupendous commentary that we're seeing from the highest and mightiest foreign correspondent to the loneliest commentator.
I mean, not only that, but what about, like, you know, like, the death of my wallet, am I right?
You know?
Uh, $5 gallons down here in California.
You know, thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot, war.
That's like 30 cents more than normal, or what?
Uh, yeah, probably 32 cents, but yeah.
Um, so we thought we would just... get it out of the way, you know?
Do a... do a War is Hell episode of Minion Death Cult, and, um...
You know, I think maybe the place that I wanted to start is one of the first most aggravating responses to, of course, like, you know, the awful shit that is happening in the Ukraine to, uh, for, and by way of, a number of different reasons, um, was the idea that, like, the left has to reckon with
Us not believing State Department messaging that Russia was going to invade the Ukraine.
Yep, yeah.
Do you remember this phase of the Russian invasion?
They like could not wait, you know, the neolibs, the sensible centrists could not wait to ask, is this the end of the left?
Is this the end of the anti-war left?
Now that they've been proven wrong on Russia invading Ukraine?
How are they going to defend their commie brothers over there?
How are they going to wear those cool colors still and not be supporting this war?
I saw when Tucker Carlson was like, Putin's not my enemy, or whatever he said on Fox News.
Some, like, right-wing, I don't know, fellow traveler of Tucker Carlson, like, quote-tweeted that video clip and was like, when you go so anti-woke that you're siding with communists?
Yeah, yeah.
I love that.
I love that.
Yeah.
It's, you know, a little horseshoe theory.
Yeah, I think... Just the most, like, mixed-up person in history.
What if that is the outcome of this?
Is that it does, like, get people thinking about that.
It does, like, take them all the way around.
The libertarians get nudged just far enough.
They start researching stuff.
They're like, oh, well, NATO is obviously a tool of, like, you know, global woke capitalism.
And Russia, because they're communist, they're standing in the way of that expansion.
And we have no choice but to stand.
Yeah, we have to.
Yeah, it's a weird feel, but I'm, you know, hopefully they get into it.
No, but the idea that, like, the left got it wrong on Russia or Ukraine is like... I mean, first and foremost, who gives a shit?
Who could possibly care?
Like, there's an actual fucking war going on.
Second of all, like, who cares if If you were wrong about, like, what were you going to do to stop it?
Like, I don't, it's such a fascinating, like, way we engage with politics where it's like, was your take correct though?
That's because, you know, eventually, eventually it's the left is going to get power.
We're bound to, it's going to become, it's going to come our turn at some point and we have to practice being practical for when that time happens because heavy is the head that wears the crown and you're going to have to know how to compose yourself when you get to be president.
When you get to be the DSA, the first DSA president.
When you realize that just part of the job is like deciding which children to snuff out.
But you're a commie, so how are you gonna do that?
You have to do it.
The only reason this would ever matter...
is for your personal brand if your personal brand is like oh i'm a i'm a foreign whatever guy i'm a foreign whatever guy you know you know those guys we do know those guys i'm a foreign policy wonk and then you get it wrong and it's like then you got to say oh i'm sorry because for me personally i got this one wrong it's got nothing to do with the left or whatever but um Yeah, my bad, my bad.
That's like, you know, who gives a shit?
If you're talking about foreign policy, isn't it like sports betting?
Aren't you going to be wrong like 50% of the time?
Oh yeah, I mean, if that.
Especially with something like as volatile as this.
We didn't know what was going to happen.
There was no like... You could have placed your... People were better off spreading their bets, I think.
I think that was the way.
That's kind of what I did.
I just spread my bets.
People are like, so what do you think is going to happen?
And I would say...
You know?
Spread my bets.
There's no consequence, really, for not believing US propaganda.
Like, what's the worst that can happen?
Oh, you were surprised by the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
Okay.
Cool.
Go back to work.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, you have to change your VPN now.
You can't use the Russian VPN you were using before.
It doesn't take you where you want to go anymore.
That was your wrong guess, was sticking it there.
Um, I wanted to read this tweet from Representative Clay Higgins.
Uh, cause it's, it's pretty good.
It's, it's pretty minion death cult.
Oh yeah.
I'm sure.
Oh yeah.
He's New Orleans.
Isn't this the guy who went to like the Holocaust Memorial Museum was like, Oh yeah, I guess it was a bad idea to be antisemitic.
No, I don't know about that, but that doesn't surprise me at all.
Yeah.
Clay Higgins is a name.
Yeah, Higgins is a member of the House Homeland Security Committee and appeared to be using the Auschwitz video to make the case for a stronger military and homeland resolve.
Quote, a great sense of dread comes over you in this place, he said, in what appeared to be a shaky selfie video from inside the gas chamber.
Somber music, a violin dirge, is heard in the background as he narrates.
It's hard to walk away from gas chambers and ovens without a sober feeling of commitment.
Unwavering commitment to make damn sure that the United States of America is protected from the evils of the world.
What was that one country that Hitler was inspired by?
What was the name of that country?
I don't remember.
What was that?
Uh, I think it was the fucking United States.
Whoa, get out of here.
I think Hitler saw what we did to the Native Americans and was like, sick.
You can do that?
That's what he said?
He said you could do that?
Fucking trendsetters.
Yeah.
Well, he was like, oh shit, I literally didn't know you could do that.
But it's like mechanically possible thanks to the record-keeping of the U.S.
government.
Yeah.
Wow, this is how they did it.
Great.
This is how they did it, and now we're going to use some of their best and brightest minds to help us design the things executed over here.
So, shout out America!
So, Representative Clay Higgins, once again weighing in, you know, weighing into global politics.
You millennial leftists who never lived one day under nuclear threat can now reflect upon your woke sky.
What?
Like, okay yeah you're right maybe we didn't live under like nuclear threat but the majority of our life we have been in conflict.
We have been at war like for our entire lives.
Well what year were you born Tony? 1987.
I was also born in 1987.
Pretty sure that was Cold War era.
Yeah.
We had a couple years there.
And we were little babies.
We couldn't do nothing about it.
We would have fought, but we couldn't because we were little babies.
Yeah, and how ironic.
Still little babies.
Still can't go fight.
Still can't do it.
Listen, I would go fight, but I'm a little baby, so... Cannot.
Dude.
You can now reflect upon your woke sky.
Look at it.
Look at your woke sky.
Look what you did.
Behold a woke sky.
Yeah.
Is he talking about a rainbow?
He's talking about an actual rainbow.
Yeah.
Um... This is... It's... Like, he thinks you did this, Tony.
Yeah.
We enabled this.
We allowed it.
This is what just letting people do whatever they want gets you.
I love just how woke doesn't mean anything anymore.
In my UPSer's Facebook group, somebody posted they were like, You should get paid from the moment you leave your house.
Yeah.
On your way to work.
Yeah, hell yeah.
We were like, hell yeah.
But then this guy, Jeff Meade, commented, uh, then they should actually work when they get to work versus playing on their phones all shift long while others are working.
Better yet, stop driving to work till they start paying you drive time.
This will eliminate a lot of woke, lazy arse employees.
Well, you know, woke just means gay now.
He was like, reflect upon your gay sky.
Your sky is gay now.
There's not even any nuclear threat up there.
That's like, so gay.
I said, woke just means anything now, huh?
And he said, they know who they are.
And Jeff's profile picture is crosshairs.
Oh, hell yeah.
Hey, maybe don't do that, man.
Maybe don't threaten that guy.
He sounds scary.
Did someone say, like, oh, my man's posting from his driver's seat right now?
Sent from iPhone?
This guy's bio is so fucking great.
It says, blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war and my fingers to fight.
Wow.
So, a literal keyboard warrior.
Wow.
Got them fighting fingers.
That's what Twitter fingers are.
And then his other second most recent profile picture is an American flag, like an actual one.
Like he's spread an American flag on his bed, right?
But you can only see a little bit of it.
Because on top of the American flag is the Open Bible Expanded Edition in like a red leather cover.
And then on top of that is resting a handgun.
Oh.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
And then on top of that, there's a frame, a Facebook-like frame, you know, a little modifier for his profile picture that says, Blessed be the Lord my strength that teacheth my hands to war and my fingers to fight.
So he likes that one.
He probably has it tattooed on him.
I hope he does.
You know, maybe this is something he's doing for Lent.
It is Ash Wednesday today.
Maybe he updated it this morning.
And one of his things is he actually had to take down all of his profile pics because of vanity.
So maybe, I don't know, maybe that's a thing.
Yeah, it's so cool that, like, I don't know, a good 85% of our representatives in Congress are just, like, literal morons.
Oh god, dude, yeah.
Oh yeah, and by the way, he's not done yet.
He's not done yet.
Reflect upon your woke sky.
Yeah, now that we're under nuclear threat, you can reflect upon your woke sky.
You made quite a non-binary fuss to save the world from intercontinental ballistic tweets.
Yep.
Now I get it.
Okay, now I get it.
Do you know what he's saying?
Is he saying, like, uh... Is he talking about Twitter fingers?
Uh, but whose?
Is he talking about the woke left millennials?
He's... Okay, I figured it out.
He's talking about...
The woke millennial left being more triggered by Trump's mean tweets than actual nuclear war.
Got their ass!
So while you were worried about intercontinental ballistic tweets, you were ensuring that we would have intercontinental ballistic missiles.
Wow.
Wow.
That's... You know, someone's got to say it didn't happen under Trump.
You know, it didn't happen to Trump.
Some people are saying it's because of Trump's, you know, BDE, you know?
And I can't disprove that at this point.
I think it is because of the way Trump shook his hand.
I think so, yeah.
Because of the way Trump shook Putin's hand, Putin was like, aw, shit.
Gonna have to wait, like, four years now.
I thought it was sick how they got the sunglasses to come in from off camera onto him and then the Snoop Dogg song played.
I thought that was cool.
I thought that was pretty gangster of them.
I thought that was a cool move of the Trump presidency.
There were a lot of comments that were like, see this is what happens when a man's in charge talking about Putin.
Like, why are you complaining then if this guy is the macho man you guys like?
You know what I mean?
There was like a criticism of Biden of like, Putin doesn't fuck around with woke stuff.
Putin's an old-fashioned, he goes out and gets it and does what he wants and doesn't give a... And it's like, yeah, that's bad, dude.
Yeah, it's not a good thing.
Like, aren't you... You're upset about this situation.
That's why you're making the tweet in the first place.
Yeah, a lot of people did like...
Cause everything is about Biden.
You know, everything ever is about Biden.
And so it is funny where it is like, oh man, they attacked Ukraine.
So therefore they're like attacking Biden.
Yeah.
And it's like, sure.
I mean, I get, not really, not really.
It's not really about us, you know?
Well, so it is kind of like a pick your own adventure war.
Totally.
When you're just spectating in it.
When you don't actually have any literal skin in the game.
Yeah.
And the smartest thing you can do is be like, I think it was Nicki Minaj who said, I don't give a fuck about Russia or NATO.
I don't like either of them.
Yeah, that's cool.
Good job, Nicki!
the most correct take now you could still be extremely critical of Russia of Russia's like you know overt aggression against you know the Ukrainian people and the fucking damage they're gonna do but They're both, like, essentially playing, like, posturing, like, imperial powers, you know?
It's... They have no... Even the people of Russia have nothing to fucking gain from this venture, you know?
Absolutely.
But you do have to say though, if Nicki Minaj says that, but Nicki Minaj also doesn't say anything about her husband's rape allegations either.
So I don't know if she's... I don't know if I could, you know, maybe that means we should care about it if she's not caring about it.
Maybe.
I'm going to continue not to.
I'm going to continue to hate both of them.
You know, hate, hate, hate.
But, you know, good job, Nicky.
You got one right.
Yeah, I just, it's, uh, you don't, you don't really have to pick a, you know, there's, there's enough blame to go around here, um, and pretending like you have to ally with NATO or pretending like you can't criticize NATO because, uh, Russia is, is the most bad guy in this situation.
I mean, I think pretty scalably.
callous at the moment i think nato has probably done a lot more damage to the world than russia has right i think not yeah once again not saying russia's good exactly uh they're in fact very bad right but second of all you picking a site does not matter one of the things that's going to be Once again, this is you having a take online, right?
It's like one of the most meaningless things you can do, which is not to say that it can't be fun.
Yeah.
It should be fun.
You should be having fun online.
But there is no like, as a leftist I have to represent this position, or as a humanitarian I have to... No.
You're not doing anything.
Contrary to what you would see in the world where it's like, not like leftists, but just like, the normal people take on this stuff has been just...
Um, just wild.
It's just like, um, just really, it feels, it almost feels more like it's the World Cup than it is like a war.
Yeah, or a Netflix special.
Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean?
Yeah, it's like, it's like, there's literally people out there that are like, I'm just like an underdog.
I like an underdog.
You know?
Yeah, a lot of journalists, people whose jobs it is to have a take, have an opinion about this kind of stuff, that's why we pay them.
That's why we send them our money every month, so they can do this shit.
And like Michael J. Knowles here, It's kind of fitting a trend in Western journalists when he said, it just occurred to me that this is the first major war between civilized nations in my lifetime.
Wow.
Wow.
Are you five years old?
Are you three years old?
Are you a year and a half old?
Are you a little baby too?
I don't know if you know anything about any history at all, but even by these racist standards, even by these racist standards, a quote civilized countries have been at war in this person's lifetime.
Well, I mean, so, you know, America's been at war, but it would be with, like, brown people.
You know, we love bombing those uncivilized brown people.
No, Michael J. Knowles, he's not five years old, Tony.
He's just a Daily Wire and PragerU contributor.
Yes, absolutely.
That might be where your confusion comes in.
It's like, oh, is this guy five years old or, like, an ethno-nationalist?
Yeah, and I think the only other place that Russia's ever attacked in a lifetime was that place where Borat's from.
I think I remember that happening when I was a young preteen.
So maybe they're on to something.
What the fuck?
These observations are just so... They're so out loud.
They're so out loud.
Because a lot of them know it because they qualify it.
They qualify it before they say it.
My biggest critique of this is like, if you had access to YouTube 10 years ago and a little program, a little channel called Fail Compilations, you would know very well that Russia isn't even close to civilized.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, they're far more advanced than we are in many respects, but I would not use the word civilized to describe like driving a tractor with one wheel down a highway.
But also, you know, taking people out, making it happen.
I saw that take that was still like a war bad take.
And it was a vet who was doing a TikTok where it was a picture of a guy, a white kid, that was like, anybody else want World War 3 to pop off so you can go tear it up with your boys?
And then it goes to this guy who was a vet and he's like, you know, hey, just so you know, I'm a vet.
I got this purple heart.
I got this by killing a guy in pajamas.
Like, these are, these are trained.
These are trained, like, they have tactics.
These are real military.
Me and my boys only kill, they, he said they kill people in pajamas.
But it was like, it was still that take, but a war bad take of it.
He's like, you don't want this.
You don't want to go to this.
Yeah.
Listen, those, uh, those Ukrainian or those Russians, they're way more well-trained than a 13 year old walking toward me and like at a slow pace.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, this guy, David... I can't pronounce his last name.
David S. David S., former Ukrainian deputy prosecutor, was reported on BBC in a BBC interview.
he said it is very emotional for me i see european people with blonde hair blue eyes children being killed now is this is this david s in the picture uh maybe i don't know Yeah, it's just, yeah, what a, what a, like, and that is, that has been that take.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, like, yeah, you're not supposed to, like, say that out loud.
You're supposed to follow it up with, like, a punchline about how, like, you're, you're, you're aware of what you're saying, like, you're aware that you're, you know, someone else got real passionate about that combo, like, you gotta, you gotta chill.
God, it's so weird fighting wars when you consider your opponent human.
You ever notice that?
Yeah, it's so bizarre.
You ever think about, hey, maybe, like, uh, the people I'm carpet bombing, they have inner lives?
You ever think about, like, they, they have, uh, they have self-reflexive thoughts?
They can perceive the self?
Have you ever wondered that?
See, that's the thing.
You're trying to make it about skin color and race, but what it really is, it's about facial recognition.
I can't see what you really look like with a beard like that.
So how am I supposed... But these are clean-shaven, I don't want to say the wrong part of me, but civilized Europeans with clean baby faces.
Uh, it's okay.
I've, I've heard that NATO is developing an entire, uh, force of people, uh, genetically engineered to have face blindness.
Wow.
Oh, are they getting, um... They can go into any, uh, country in the world and kill them no matter what color eyes they have.
Oh, they can't get Tesla to program that software then because they're gonna mess up.
They're gonna get a little bias.
Another very bad side effect of an invasion into a, you know, Eastern European country is that of course it creates a lot of refugees and Not all those refugees are treated equally.
Not all refugees are created equally.
Unfortunately, that is, again, I think that Tesla was involved with the software behind sorting refugees.
There are stories of African students, you know, African, ethnically African students being forced to wait at train stations and board later than everybody else.
Those same refugees not being allowed into the border across the border into Poland.
Once they get into Poland, there's been reports of like right wing militias driving around and rounding up anybody who quote doesn't look Ukrainian.
Yeah, yeah.
There's been like... It's pretty brutal.
It's brutal to see.
Full-on... Almost like lynchings.
I don't know if I've seen death, but I have seen beatings and stuff.
And it's wild.
It's like, oh wow.
They're pretty consistent in what's going on.
The identities, you know.
Well, and that's what's happening too in Ukraine.
Because like...
He, uh, Zelensky, he, like, deputized every civilian to participate, essentially, in, in the war, which, I mean, duh, to one, you know, to, in one respect, obviously, but if you're an Eastern European country, There's fucking white supremacy problems.
There's like you have, you know, a fucking white supremacist militia embedded in your army officially, right?
So when you pass out like something like 1800 rifles or something like that, and then also tell people That be careful, Russians are infiltrating and they could be wearing civilian clothing.
Yep.
Trust no one.
That's a minion death call.
Yeah.
That's a recipe for exactly like what every single person we cover any other week wants to happen.
They wanted Trump to tell them, here's a rifle, there may be strangers among you.
Yeah.
The Antifa don't have an identity badge anymore.
They're right next to you.
You just have to snuff them out.
And um... There are videos, there's reports of... Yeah, just fucking people grabbing other people off the street and saying, hey, you don't smell Ukrainian, or you don't look Ukrainian, whether they're...
Whether they're, uh, you know, African or not, it's happening just right, seemingly pretty randomly.
Um, it just, it reminds, you know, just somebody who owed you money.
Oh, there's a Russian saboteur, right?
Reminds me of like that, um, That part in Frailty where the youngest son is just like saying God told him that these kids were demons and they were just his school bullies so his dad would kill them.
I don't know what frailty is but that sounds nuts.
Frailty is so good.
Frailty is one of Bill Paxton's only, one of the only movies he directed, if not the only, and he plays a dad who gets a message from God that he has to exterminate demons who walk on earth.
Okay, and his son's with the younger son is really into it and the teenage son is like, oh fuck My dad's like a serial killer now.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is not a good thing Yeah, but the youngest son's like, oh god came to me in a dream.
He gave me a list of demons It's like now no Isn't- Hold on.
Now, hold on.
Isn't, isn't, uh, you know, Mark Smith, isn't this that kid that pushed you down the other day?
Yeah.
He's like, yeah, he's a demon.
Yeah, isn't that weird that he's a demon?
I mean, it makes sense now.
It kind of makes sense that he'd push me down because he's a fucking demon.
That's what demons do.
There's this, um...
This freelance reporter called Tarell Jermaine Starr, who's made news in the past for being extremely stupid, right?
Like going into other countries and just not understanding what he's dealing with.
And like he went to a Jew themed restaurant.
Wait, themed?
Yeah.
As in, like, not like a Jewish restaurant, but a Jew-themed restaurant?
A Jew-themed restaurant.
Oh, wow, that's two different things.
That's, okay, yeah, okay.
So he went there.
Where there weren't any prices on the menu because you had to haggle for what you were gonna pay as part of the theme.
Wow.
And he was, like, completely enamored with it.
He thought it was delightful.
Yeah, I mean like some people like to go watch Nights while they eat their dinner.
You know, battle.
Some people like to haggle, you know?
That's wild.
This was in a different country, right?
That was in a different country, right?
It was in Ukraine, I believe.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
So he's in Ukraine again, and he tweeted out... He's been tweeting a bunch of stuff, right?
Because he's embedded...
With like civilian militants in Ukraine?
So he tweeted out, Today closed with the unit I'm embedded in eliminating two suspected Russian saboteurs in an EMT vehicle.
Saw the whole thing go down.
Car refused to stop after several warnings.
Volunteers opened fire.
It's, uh, 1245 AM on Monday.
The volunteers are up protecting this highway into Kiev.
So, like... The only evidence of these being Russian saboteurs is the fact that... They're like, why'd you do that?
Well, they're Russian saboteurs.
And that's it.
That's the only reason- The only evidence that they were Russian saboteurs is that they wouldn't stop for a civ- like...
Civilian checkpoint.
Like a civilian militia checkpoint.
I mean, you should have known that, like, that was a Ukrainian and a brother.
And you should trust them and you should stop for them.
Because it's a time of war.
You stop for your brother.
Like, this is literally like the, why were you running away from me?
Of course I'm going to shoot you in the back.
Yeah.
Why were you running away if you didn't have... Innocent people don't run.
I told you to stop.
I told you to stop.
Yeah, so just like tweeting out a war crime, being like, whoa, it's crazy how much these volunteers are willing to do to protect this highway into Kiev.
Do journalists say eliminated?
Is that what journalists say?
I don't think that's what the journalists say.
I think that's what gamers say.
Threats eliminated.
Did you see the other guy, who I think was like a science fiction author, who was like, Citizens of Ukraine, take it from me.
Russia may have tanks, but they are not prepared for urban warfare.
Here's what you do.
And then a little threat emoji.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
I saw a lot of stuff like that.
And it was like, Use a water balloon filled with paint to disable the scope on their tank.
Get a little copper bracelet and wear it around your wrist.
It's going to improve your balance.
They're not going to have that.
Here's a tip.
Find a penny.
Pick it up.
All day long, you'll have good luck.
Just play dead.
Play dead.
They're gonna come poke you, and then when they come poke you, then you say, call an ambulance for you.
Okay, here's what you do.
You find two of the biggest logs you can.
You're going to get thick braided rope.
You're going to suspend them from the middle of the street.
You know, the street you think the tanks are going to take.
You get two Ewoks, one on each side.
I thought you were going to go in a different direction with that.
I thought you were going to say you get two logs and you use that for a bridge.
And then when they're walking across the bridge, you pick up one of those logs and move it over and they're going to fall into the river.
Remember that kid?
No.
Oh, that's like early, that's like early, uh, that's like E-Bombs World.
Um.
You get a bowling ball in the center of the two logs.
And you spread them out to hold the bowling ball in place until they arrive.
And then you close the logs together and the bowling ball is gonna roll down.
Knock them over like a couple bowling pins.
What you're going to do is you're going to get some black paint and you're just going to paint an arch on the wall.
Just going to paint an arch and then we're going to fill that in with the black paint.
They're going to run right into it.
Yeah.
What you're going to want to do is you're going to want to use your focus to scan the Russians for their weak points.
Probably the liver.
And then you're going to want to use an exploding arrow that will tear that organ from the Russian and then once they're dead you can collect the liver and then drink all day without any repercussions.
But don't camp because that's for pussies.
Beware though, they may have invisible red eye watchers surrounding them.
So you're gonna want to, once again, use your focus to scan the area.
Take those bad boys out first.
Duh.
Strategy, strategy.
That joke brought to you by, not by Elden Ring or whatever.
I'm talking about the true leftist text, Horizon Zero Forbidden West.
Only real communists play that.
They're not playing... Yeah, that's what I play.
That's what I play.
I play that game.
Another, like, really weird side effect of modern superpowers being at... I mean, Ukraine's not really a superpower, but, you know, NATO is.
Being in an open conflict, Is, of course, the threat of nuclear war.
Nothing you really want to think about.
Or actually, you do want to think about it.
You want to consider it carefully before you do anything, you know?
You can even just think about it.
yeah um and that people bringing that up uh has led to once again a bunch of like i don't know i really hope these people are like getting paid by weapons manufacturers you know what i mean like at least at least because it's led to like several different people doing tweet threads about how actually Let me lay it down for you.
Your Inner Beauty says, Not too surprisingly, most people 1.
Overestimate how destructive nuclear weapons are.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Yep, yep, uh-huh.
That's it.
That's what it is.
Honestly, they've just been exaggerating all that shit.
Hiroshima was like, whatever.
I have become Ernest.
Slightly messer-upper of worlds.
Slightly?
Yeah.
I have become Mr. Bean.
Knocking the table over of worlds.
Two, underestimate how massive the difference in resilience can be between wartime and peacetime societies.
And this is one that, like, it took me, like, rolling this sentence around in my head to, like, figure out what he means.
And he just means, like, oh, well, when you're at war you can tolerate a much higher threshold of radiation poisoning because you got that grit.
Okay, I thought they were saying that.
Not only that, but the resiliency.
Things like the economic stimulus that happened after World War II.
I thought that's what he was talking about.
We're just going to make everything better.
What we're going to do is we're going to take all of our denim looms and we're going to ship them to Ukraine.
And they can start doing denim.
I think it's more like, you never know how much pain you can take until you force a dog into torture over several days.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It is a lot like, no, you guys, you'll be fine.
It's okay, yeah.
Well, I don't know if you knew this, but... You'll survive.
You know, God only gives his most nuclear wars to his most resilient Earths.
It might be helpful to instill more fear of nukes, but I'm afraid it'll lead to miscalcs.
That's short for miscalculations.
Oh, okay, okay.
If you're not into game theory, that's what you call it.
It's what you call miscalculation in game theory.
That's my screen name is miscalc?
So the miscalc, it's the calc but like has a little bow on its head.
Yeah.
The miscalculation that he's worried about in this instance is not starting a nuclear war.
You might be too afraid of a nuclear war to go into a hot war with a nuclear power.
And the miscalculation might be, well what about that war we could have had?
What about the war we could have done with a real one?
It would not have been that big of a deal.
Honestly, it would be over now and we'd just be like, I mean do you think there's a bit of an eco-fascism in this too where they're like it's not it's actually good it's actually it's actually good like when you're growing a plant to like cut off like a a branch every once in a while?
Yeah I think that it's I wouldn't even give them enough credit to call it eco-fat.
These people are like Psychos even beyond caring about the Earth.
Like, they don't care about people or the Earth.
Yeah.
Claiming ecofascism for them would be like a way of softening their image to be like, no, I'm only doing it for the Earth.
Yeah.
They're like, it's actually not a big deal.
I mean, I don't know if you knew this, but there are like animals on that nuclear island now.
They die really fast, but there's animals on that island now.
Most people overestimate how destructive nuclear weapons- like, there's like nothing more destructive than a nuclear weapon, right?
Like, even like a hurricane is less destructive, probably?
Yeah, I mean, because not only that, like, there's the fallout.
You know?
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah, so, so yeah, it's, it's, there's nothing more, yeah, there's nothing more.
Sorry we over, sorry we overestimate the destructive power of literally the most powerful thing any human has ever comprehended.
Well, you're forgetting about the most destructive thing.
Mankind.
Manunkind.
Man, oh, fuck.
I'm really happy we're doing this episode.
I think we're going to make a big difference.
I think this is going to change the course of history.
change like like change the course of history uh what's that guy's name uh mankind like Mankind's name?
Yeah.
Mick Foley?
I'm so happy you knew it.
I was like keeping that purposely vague, intentionally, and you still got it.
Uh, because you've asked me what Mankind's name is more than once on this show.
Mick Foley.
I'm happy for that.
Because he's got, yeah, he's a cool guy, right?
What if his name, he should have gone with Mankind, or was that too on the nose?
I think that was too on the nose, yeah.
Too heavy-handed.
Because you liked him.
You liked him.
He was kind of a sweetheart.
He was a little, you know, a little wild card, but you liked him.
You sympathized with him for some reason.
What a good name for wrestling.
Yeah.
Mankind.
Yeah.
What a perfect character.
What a perfect character.
One of the best arcs of all time.
Shoutout Mankind.
So people were like, hey, you're Inner Beauty.
Why don't you shut the fuck up, dude?
Yeah.
You know?
And he was like, quote, overestimate how destructive nukes are.
Are you mad?
So he's like quoting his haters, right?
Yeah.
He's quoting me and you, Tony.
Uh-oh.
He goes, what pictures nuclear weapons evoke in you?
I'd guess something about total and utter destruction, like Hiroshima, right?
Well, look again.
There are buildings standing in the background.
And he's posted photos I guess this is Hiroshima with like hollowed out concrete blocks.
There's like one in the left image and then in the right image there's two two-story concrete structures.
Yeah.
It may have like it been like actual bunkers or something like that.
The rest of the landscape around it is fucking flattened and just like like debris crushed into a single mass.
Well, I don't know, man.
It seems like a really amazing street art scene has been thriving here because if you look, there's Banksy-esque silhouettes just sweet pasted all over all the buildings.
I wonder what they mean.
I bet it's an anti-war message.
I think it's saying come back.
I think someone went in there and did those paintings to show that it's safe.
Maybe Banksy did it.
I bet those are all like, those actually, each one of those represents one of Skrillex's listeners.
One of Skrillex's fans.
That's a Patreon tier.
Patreon tiers, you get a silhouette.
You get a silhouette.
Like the street team did that to like show how many listeners he has.
And they were wearing gas masks because they just wear gas masks.
It had nothing to do with like the air quality.
They just like, you know, they like to party like that.
What a fucking take, man.
What the fuck, like- Oh, you thought- Listen, okay, I know what you're thinking when you think of nuclear- nuclear bombs being dropped.
Uh, when was the last time you actually looked at these photos, though?
Yeah, it's been- yeah.
I, uh, am I- am I- am I out of my mind for saying I see something like grass?
If you look closely, you can see, uh, two buildings left.
Yeah, two shells.
In a five-mile radius.
Yeah.
This was once a thriving, like, this was once an entire town that you can see, you can see the streets.
Yeah, they were fucking urban centers.
Yeah, you could see the streets.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
What a dumb, dumb piece of shit.
Yeah people are just gonna keep normalizing this stuff and like rationalizing it to themselves because I mean really like you can tell him to shut the fuck up but it doesn't matter because your inner beauty it's far as my to to my knowledge doesn't have any power over any of this stuff you know his his tweeting this stuff has no uh material effect on whether or not there's a nuclear war or whatever
maybe there's some sort of butterfly effect where it helps to normalize the idea of nuclear war i'm of the opinion that it doesn't matter how normal it is the fucking psychos at the top are going to do what they're going to do regardless right yeah we we we have no control over that we're going to do that we're We did not vote on Hiroshima.
So I think, you know, my most charitable explanation of this is just he's being disgusting, totally, but also like, ah, maybe we'll survive.
Yeah.
Yeah, fuck it.
And like, you know what's funny too is, I mean, Nuclear war is kind of the one, I'm making an assumption that this person maybe is in America, but if they are, nuclear war is something we should all be real scared of, because that's one of the ones that can actually happen.
I'm way more worried about that than troops rolling up on a Newport beach.
Right.
There's like intercontinental ballistic missiles, theoretically capable of carrying, you know, nuclear material.
But again, it's like, you just don't want to get to that point at all.
And NATO's existence is like, is not helping.
No.
Right?
No.
Um, and I don't know what the answer is, like, surely NATO isn't fully responsible for how insane Putin is, you know, and Russia is a self-interested capitalist nation full of fucking billionaires and elite, you know, who want to control the world and want to line their pockets and do whatever the fuck they want just as much as our billionaires over here do, just as much as the billionaires in Europe and everywhere else, right?
And they're all at the same dinner party, man.
So what's the deterrent, right?
It's like, what would be the appropriate response to, you know, and again, this is just us bullshitting because we're not making any decisions here, but Yeah, I don't know, like, a more regional type alliance of Ukraine and its other neighboring territories that don't involve, like, basically the world's largest weapons, arms deal in the form of NATO.
Like, NATO just exists to, like, fucking sell military-grade weapons.
Like, that's why it exists, you know?
That's not helping really deter anybody, in my opinion.
No, uh, the only thing we can really do here is, like, you know, is ban them from watching pornography on certain websites and make it difficult for them to use things like Apple Pay.
I think that's the only thing we can do.
I think that's the only way we should do it.
I think we should do it everywhere.
I think we should do it, um, I think we should just ban it globally.
Yeah, the sanctions thing is fucked up because, like, That really does mostly hurt the people of Russia.
Yeah.
Who, you know, I don't know of the polling, if there is any polling.
A lot of them seem to not be into this idea, right?
Imagine being, yeah, I feel like the temperatures probably, they're not stoked.
They're already economically hurting based on sanctions that we've had on them for a long time.
Sanctions, which are considered an act of war, by the way.
People don't really register that a lot of the time.
Sanctions are an act of war.
Yes.
And we've had sanctions on Russia.
Sanctions are violence.
For years and years and years, right?
That did not help the lead up to this at all.
It's funny, like, people are talking, like, you know, average, everyday people are talking about, like, well, you have to make the people hurt enough to where they eventually overthrow Putin or something like that.
You have to make the people anti-war enough that they stop Putin, right?
And it's like, Either these people didn't live through the Iraq War era, you know, or they've just memory hold it.
Because the invasion of Iraq saw, on our side, the largest protests to have ever happened up to that point, possibly, in America.
Massive anti-war protests.
Sustained anti-war protests.
Didn't matter.
Didn't matter.
Didn't make a difference.
That doesn't do anything.
No.
No.
Same thing with fucking Black Lives Matter.
What do we have for the last three years?
Massive Black Lives Matter anti-police brutality protests.
What did that do?
It ensured more funding for the police.
The Democratic president just came out and said we need to give cops more money.
There's been an actual uptick in cop murders.
There's been more.
There's been more since we started.
Not since we started, it's been going for decades.
But there's been more since the summer of 2020.
It's like, what?
That's not the answer, unfortunately.
Yeah.
So it's, you know, and it's not for you really to decide what America should do because once again, like you don't have a say in it.
So I just, I was just doing a thought experiment out loud, but it really does not matter.
Um, one of the, so a lot of people are thirsting over Zelensky, uh, the, the Ukrainian prime minister, president, what's his title?
I think it's... Is it President?
I think so.
President.
Um... You know, they're already salivating at the mouth for a Netflix original movie.
Oh my god.
Yeah, that's happening for sure.
Starring Hawkeye as Zelensky.
Wouldn't that be freaking amazing?
That'd be epic!
Yeah.
That'd be epic.
Fuck.
So there's been a lot of like, listen, whether you like it or not, every woman in your life is currently wet to her knees at the thought of Zelensky.
There's been a lot of that.
People have probably seen that.
The weird one that I saw that I think is worth mentioning here, I saw this in earnest.
It looks like a shit post, but I saw it for real.
It's a meme.
Top text, only an actor, and then there's a side-by-side, there are side-by-side photos of Ronald Reagan and Zelensky.
Oddly proportioned, which is funny, like, Zelensky's bigger than Reagan here, which I just think is an interesting move.
Uh, well, that's one way of looking at it.
Another way of looking at it is they zoomed in more on Reagan so his head is more massive.
That's true.
That is true.
His head is much larger.
He has more face on it, yeah.
Bottom text, can defeat the evil empire.
Only an actor, Ronald Reagan or Zelensky, can defeat the evil empire.
Like, this is not a saying.
This is someone trying to create a saying that other people will use later on.
Talking about, like, Reagan winning the Cold War.
Right?
Yeah.
Like, okay.
So now it has to be another actor.
Is he an actor?
Is that the whole thing?
He's an actor?
You didn't know this?
No.
Why can't he just play himself in the Netflix?
Because he already did.
No, I don't know this.
He played the Ukrainian president in a TV show.
That's amazing.
And then got elected as the Ukrainian president.
That's amazing.
He played like a guy who mistakenly got elected or it was like a fluke.
It was like a King Ralph situation, you know, where he was like some random Joe who got elected and it's like his, you know, his trials and tribulations trying to manage the office.
That's incredible.
Yeah, and now he's president.
For real.
Whoa, I love, I love that.
That's, that's awesome.
Only an actor can defeat the evil empire.
What I love most about this is there's only like, I don't know, maybe there's more of them.
Maybe I'm being optimistic.
There might be a lot of them actually.
This was made by like an anti-Trump centrist.
Yep.
And When you think about what they were saying during the Trump years about Trump being a fucking game show host, and that's why he's unfit for being president or whatever.
Yeah, this is like, because the evil empire is Putin, right?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Right.
Well, we're all familiar with the Rage Against the Machine album, the anti-Russia Rage Against the Machine album, Evil Empire.
This person didn't like Trump being like I don't know friendly with Putin or whatever be like admiring Putin right like that was a that was a main centrist complaint about yeah Trump is the Russia thing right yeah so this is a person who likes Ronald Reagan and wishes Trump could be more like Ronald Reagan.
Well, because people did like Ronald Reagan because the only thing that's worse than conservatives is communists.
That's worse.
They would rather live a more conservative lifestyle than a communist lifestyle.
And so they do admire Ronald Reagan for that.
And they're like, yeah, he got rid of the communists.
He got rid of drugs.
Uh, you know, he brought them, but then he told them not to take them.
He brought the drugs, but he said, don't take these drugs.
People like Reagan, uh, because he brought cheaply manufactured goods to the U.S.
by offshoring millions of jobs and breaking unions.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, I just thought this was very, only, it makes no sense.
Just half an idea, but, uh, it's kind of a well-made meme, you know?
Okay, so this is from Sarah in the Facebook group.
Shared this.
It's astonishing.
It's one of the worst things I've seen in doing this show.
Um, how do I even describe it without... I mean, I guess we're on Patreon.
Yeah, so we're good.
I mean, I think we're fine, but it's just a lot.
It's pretty amazing that this... It's awesome.
...was uncensored on Facebook.
That's so wild to me.
So... Yeah, it's like well done.
That's what's wild about it.
It's like... It is.
What the f... It is well done.
It is well done.
The details are astonishing.
We gotta say what it is.
We can't keep talking around it.
I gotta say what it is.
So it's a fucking pencil drawing.
Like a really well done, contoured, monochromatic pencil sketch with shading and detailed lines and all that.
Like realistic.
A borderline photorealistic.
Of Putin.
Looking at the camera through his open legs.
So laying on his back.
Yeah.
Like on a bed or something.
Probably like a little perched on his elbows.
On his back but perched on his elbows a little bit.
Looking down.
With his legs up in the air.
We know the pose.
Forming a V. With his cock and balls, you know, resting on his belly.
Yeah.
Um, and a gaping asshole with the Statue of Liberty's flame inside of it.
Like, shoved up into it.
Well, I don't, I don't, I don't think, I think that's like what it's supposed to be, but, like, those are flames that just accidentally look like a gaping asshole.
No, this, no, no, Tony, I'll tell you what it is.
You didn't let me finish, right?
Okay.
Okay, okay.
So, the Statue of Liberty, the hand is in green, you know, the oxidized copper, whatever it is.
The flame is like orange, but it's penetrating his asshole.
It's inside of his asshole.
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
So you see the ring, his asshole ring around the flame and they've made him have a butthole rim tattoo that is like a tribal flame.
Yeah, that is what it is.
I thought that was like an accident but that's totally what it is.
It's absolutely what it is.
So this, what I thought this was Tony, was I thought this was fetish art That somebody turned into anti-Putin pro-America shit?
But his face is, like, so well-drawn.
Yeah.
Like, somebody didn't just copy and paste his face onto this.
No.
The same person who drew, like, the shaved, wrinkled balls that are, like, tight up against his, you know, like, when you lay on your back and your balls kind of, like, drop inside a little bit and the skin, like, gets flat on top.
Tight, small balls tucked in.
Flaccid little penis.
Average penis.
Decent penis.
But it's flaccid.
It's hard to tell with the perspective.
It's a flaccid one just hanging out on the stomach.
I'll post this on Twitter tomorrow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just like... And it's totally... That's Putin's chest.
Like that's... That's Putin's chest.
We know that.
But like why the asshole tattoo?
Why the asshole tattoo?
It's like...
It's like the tattoo that I think Dennis Rodman and the guy from Godsmack both have around their belly buttons.
It's around his asshole, which is like fucking tight.
And then why would the Statue of Liberty be like putting the flame inside the asshole?
It almost looks like there's ridges at the base of the flame.
Yeah.
Like what the hell?
Also, anybody that's ever had me in this position was not my enemy.
Like, we were tight.
We got along like gangbusters.
Yeah, Putin looks, like, thoughtful.
He doesn't look like he's being attacked.
No.
Putin's breathing.
Putin's breathing through it.
That's a big flame.
This would make so much more sense if it was fetish art that then somebody was like, I'm going to put the Statue of Liberty here instead of a dildo.
Yeah.
And I'm going to put Putin's head here instead of this other guy's head.
That would make more sense even if like ideologically it's incoherent or politically like the messaging does not make sense but the fact that somebody drew this whole thing from scratch and was like I don't know the Statue of Liberty's flame is going to be a dildo that's fucking him in his gaping ass I guess and he's like Not that upset about it?
Yeah and what's funny too is like this is even at the most cheating, the most cheating you could possibly do to cut corners to make this happen, still we're looking at a couple hours.
We're looking at at least three hours of work here.
I'm talking even if they were to like go and steal all these individual things and piece them together there at this quality, this is still been three hours.
I thought you meant the sexual act.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, I mean, for the way that he's resting, yeah, this is a session.
This is a three-hour session for sure.
And, like, good for Lady Liberty!
Good for Putin!
You know, that's how you work across lines.
Across the aisle.
There you go.
It's just like, it's such fucking nonsense, dude.
It's so stupid.
Like, wouldn't... Wouldn't, like, the Clinton Monument make more sense?
Oh, that'd be so cool, yeah.
No one knows what that looks like, so... There's no way, yeah.
Oh, I drew this... It would've just been Hillary's head, just Hillary's head.
I drew this as a message against Putin.
It's sort of an anti-war statement.
And it's, um...
Me attaching little cracked liberty bells to his nipples like tassels.
Oh, that's tight and they're heavy.
Oh, they're heavy.
They're weighted.
That's, I like, that's hot.
It would have just been like, it would have just been like a fist with the little like, little uh, one of those ideology bracelets.
And it would have just said like, Clinton on the ID bracelet.
That way you know, that way you know whose arm it is.
I would say Biden.
I would say Biden, yeah.
I would say Biden, yeah.
Um, so the last, uh, few things that I think just to, just to round off the derangement, um, around this unfortunate conflict and apologies, once again, for not getting into like, you know, the horror that like Ukrainians are experiencing.
It fucking sucks, but I don't really, I'm not really capable of expounding on that in a helpful way.
I don't think, I don't, I don't know.
Yeah, there's people that dedicate their whole lives to that region and honestly it's not... We're with working people around the world.
That's where we're at.
So in Let's Go Brandon, hashtag FJB Facebook group, Brian Hoy posted, so damn true, space period, hashtag I stand with Putin.
Uh, and the meme is, it's, you know, it's not even a meme.
These people are getting so lazy.
It's just black background with white font.
If you just went from, quote, I don't trust the mainstream narrative, to, OMG RUSSIA IS EVIL AND I STAND WITH UKRAINE, based on the sliver of data you have received from social media and mainstream news, then you didn't learn a whole lot from the last two years.
And like, yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
But I'm thinking for the wrong reasons.
I feel like they're saying this for the wrong reasons.
Yeah, well, they're kind of like us, where they're like, well, if the fucking media is telling you one thing, it's probably the opposite.
It's probably wrong, yeah.
Of course, our estimation of the media's incentives is based on a material analysis and the incentive structure that a corporate capitalist media would actually have, whereas theirs is like, oh, these guys said Trump was bad, so now anyone who they say is bad is now good, in my mind, right?
Like, life must be very complicated for people.
Or not... Maybe... Yeah, no, I think complicated is the right word.
For people who look at, like, these two nations and they're like, how do I pick the good guy?
How do I pick the bad guy?
You know, what does Russia want out of this?
What does Ukraine want out of this?
And it's like... Like, the people doing the war, like, in control, they're all bad guys.
Like, you don't have to...
Like, that's not your concern.
Only terrible people are benefiting from this.
Only the worst people in the world are benefiting from this.
And there are a lot of, like, there are a lot of Americans who are billionaires who are also benefiting from this.
So, like, they're around the world.
Like Raytheons.
If you have stocks in any of these companies, you're benefiting from it.
And you're a piece of shit.
I just like, it's like, one of the nations is the aggressor is at least more of the aggressor than the other is uh so they're like you know worse in that respect but also like the incentives are like posturing for yeah uh power in the region or whatever and it's like I don't identify with either of those pursuits.
Why would I... Why would I try to... Why would I make this more complicated than it has to be?
Yeah.
You know?
And like, you know, it's a pretty obvious point here, but like...
Also, who the fuck are we right now?
Don't say anything about this shit because we're doing imperialist shit all over the world.
Simultaneously bombing countries while this is happening.
We don't get to say anything about that.
If we're going to have that energy, have that energy towards at least your government.
For what they're doing.
Like we said, it's not going to change much, but if you're going to yell, yell that direction.
Yeah.
Another narrative here is that Putin is fighting globalism.
Putin is fighting the deep state.
The deep state just means woke now.
He's fighting the bad guys, aka the woke, aka the deep state.
Well, after they confiscated Epstein's Island, the Deep State actually infiltrated Ukraine.
Yeah.
And they've been controlling it.
So that actually adds up.
This makes sense.
And then there's this meme of Putin raising a wine glass that looks like it has piss in it.
Top text, impact font.
Oops, did I just... Bottom text.
Destroy your bioweapon labs in Ukraine?
Well, my bad.
Like if that's a thing that you're like cheering on, and you think that's like, then you're encouraging the release of bioweapons?
Because when you destroy a bioweapon lab, you're releasing bioweapons on civilians.
Not the way he did it, no.
Oh, that's true.
I forget he doesn't do it that way.
Yeah.
Dang it.
That's cool.
That's cool he didn't do it that way.
Yeah, oh no, there was a cabal of witches in that apartment building that he destroyed.
All six of those witches from that church service were in that building.
He tried to cast them out.
He warned them last week.
Yeah, he said don't do it and they did it.
And more on this, this is from Joe Wakefield.
This is from Joe, sharing this into the Minion Death Commandos Facebook group.
Somebody took a photo of a local restaurant's whiteboard where it says...
And it's like in the diner font, kind of like different colors for different lines.
It's very like, like a woman wrote this and said, it's nice, it looks nice.
Yeah, it looks good, yeah.
Not to be gender essentialist here, but we all know ladies, they're good at writing stuff.
I mean, specifically the whiteboard markers, like that's just facts there, you know?
I mean, I'm also good at writing stuff with markers too, but you know.
Whiteboard markers?
Uh, I don't know.
I haven't used one in a while.
I'm gonna probably say no.
It's an art.
It's an art.
Does it have an edge to it or is it a point?
It's a chisel tip, usually.
Yeah, I use a chisel tip permanent marker every day.
Oh, it's not about that.
It's about the lack of friction between the chisel tip and the surface.
It slips sliding, baby.
It slips sliding around.
You gotta have a delicate hand.
Turn off mainstream.
Good morning.
They lie.
Okay, real quick.
Turn off mainstream is purple.
Good morning is blue.
They lie is purple.
So I'm going to go ahead and big them up for the layout still.
But you're not wrong there.
That's the top line.
Turn off mainstream.
Good morning.
They lie.
Honestly, we should turn off mainstream good mornings.
Yeah.
Like, I don't want mean- I want them underground good mornings.
Um, number one.
Buffalo chicken omelette.
With half toast?
That's so gross.
Like, okay, I love a chicken- a chicken omelette's a fu- I don't think a chicken omelette's an okay thing to eat.
I think that hot sauce on an omelette's fine, but I don't think a chicken omelette's an okay thing you should be eating.
Yeah, because I know everybody who listens to the show knows you don't think that's an okay thing to eat, Tony.
I would not even eat a vegan version of that.
I love chicken in a breakfast burrito.
It's so good.
Really?
Yeah.
Is there another supplemental breakfast meat?
What do you mean?
Is there like, is it chicken?
So it's chicken, eggs, potatoes, cheese, beans.
Oh yeah.
Is there like a chorizo or like a bacon?
No, I usually only go with one meat.
Chicken.
Chicken.
Interesting.
In all my days.
In all my days.
It's maybe not my first go-to.
I like a sausage or a bacon.
Cause even like a chicken and waffle, I'll do... I'll do... Oh, chicken waffle's so good.
Chicken waffle, I don't know if I'll... I'll do a... I guess I'll do a scramble on the side.
But yeah, I don't know about this.
I don't know about... You also know the way they're making it in this place.
It's fucking wild.
Oh, this place sucks.
I'm not... I'm not... You think there's blue cheese in it?
You think there's blue cheese in it?
Okay.
I'll take this... I'll put it this way.
I don't normally put chicken in a breakfast burrito, but I do make a breakfast chicken sandwich.
Oh, okay, yeah.
It's called, uh, we call them chubs.
They're called a chub because this, like, one restaurant by us that we went to a couple times, they had a sandwich like this and they called it a chub.
So I just call them, we don't go there anymore.
I just stole the idea.
Now we make them at home.
Uh, it's like a fried chicken, you know, air fried with panko.
Uh, and then yeah, like two, two fried eggs on top and then bacon, greens.
Super good.
Okay.
Is this on like a sourdough or is this on like a biscuit?
Like a brioche.
Cause a chicken biscuit's cool.
Oh, a brioche is a good move.
Soft brioche.
Yeah, good move, good move.
Very tight.
But yeah, you know this comes out a weird color at this place.
One crucial element of the chub is garlic mayo.
Oh, okay, I can see that.
It's gotta have garlic mayo on it.
And you're saying mayo, you're not saying aioli, right?
Well yeah, aioli, whatever.
I mean... I don't know, I mean...
Yeah, sure.
Sure, whatever.
Go ahead.
We can't go down this road.
You mean gentrified mail?
Okay, number two, biscuits with gravy platter.
Number three, banana bread French toast with meat.
FYI dot dot dot, Russia is not occupying Ukraine.
They are denazifying it.
Poutin spoke out against the Great Reset and called out those who seek to oppress as the Satan worshippers that they are.
Russia is taking out bio labs and human trafficking.
He's fighting against the enslavement of humanity.
Hell yeah.
People just ate that day.
People just stayed there and ate that day.
Crazy people can make some good food.
I mean, don't be ableist, Tony.
You could be like a total psycho and still lead a perfectly normal chef's life.
Oh man, those are my favorite people, like the tortured chefs.
They're my favorite.
I think they're so cool.
Oh my god, I love that.
Do you think they usually have more than three options?
And they're like, this is not important.
Because these are kind of three wild options.
It's the turn-off mainstream good morning, they lie, and then the three menu items are like one-third of the whiteboard.
Yeah.
And then the bottom two-thirds are the statement of solidarity.
Not even critical support.
Full, pledged support with Poutin.
And it makes me, you know, you gotta ask, like, I mean, last time I checked, Alex, like, you didn't like Nazis.
Fuck.
Pretty sure you don't like Nazis.
I'm pretty sure that you would like to stop the Great Reset.
Well, and I just, I mean, I've just been learning from the internet for the past three years that Russia did single-handedly defeat the Nazis in World War II, so.
Yeah, yeah.
Fuck.
Russia and an actor.
Yeah, Stalin.
Stalin.
The Stalin actor, Stalin.
Why don't you go ahead and get me one of those banana bread french toasts with meat?
Like, Putin is a fucking capitalist.
Who do you think is doing the Great Reset?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you know what the Great Reset is?
It's about making even more money than they are right now.
Yeah.
Right?
People, we've already done an episode on the Great Reset, but people, like, They read the overview of what quote the great reset is which is basically just a shift to an entirely like rentier economy.
So you know how like you used to be able to buy uh photoshop?
Yeah.
And now you just fucking subscribe to it and pay $50 a month for the rest of your life to Photoshop if you want to use it?
If anybody out there has a company login they want to kick me down, I'm open to that.
We're into that.
Just putting that out there.
Only for a corporate login, I don't want anybody else's.
I just want to steal from your job for you.
The Great Reset is the shift to that, like, for everything, right?
You just have, like, recurring charges for shit you used to be able to just own outright.
Yeah.
You know, they want you to basically lease, like, every single thing so that they continue- they can continue to make money off of it.
They want you to pay a subscription fee for your video games, for your music, whatever, right?
That's the only path forward for which system?
Capitalism, baby.
Okay, a fucking capitalist like Putin is not trying to prevent the Great Reset.
You better, like, be careful, like, before you know it, you know, you're gonna have to, like you said, you're gonna have to subscribe for things, like, like, you subscribe for- to watch your- your- your video shows now.
Before you know it, you're gonna have to subscribe to, like, your- your health benefits.
You're gonna have to subscribe, uh, to- every time you eat, you're gonna have to pay money.
Like, that's... Before you know it, you gotta... It's a slippery slope, you don't want that to happen.
They won't give us the cure, they make us subscribe to the medicine, parenthesis, Patreon podcast.
Yeah, we could actually tell you immediately, like, the solution to loneliness and alienation in the world and all of that, but then how will we get our five bucks a month?
Yeah, that's, uh, I mean, we are thinking about creating a tier for that, but it's gonna be, like, a really large sum.
It's gonna be a lot.
But yeah, sure, Putin.
That guy.
Cause, you know, Trump's not there anymore, so it's probably Putin who's gonna be the one to save you.
I mean, as long as he's willing to, like, as long as he's gonna go stop the USA from the Satan Nazis, we're good.
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, that's the episode.
War is Hell.
Thank you for supporting the show.
Solidarity to anybody who is in fucking Ukraine right now or has had to leave their home in Ukraine.
It's an awful situation.
I don't...
I don't know what's going to happen.
Obviously, I hope things get better.
Yeah, exactly like we said.
You know, we stand with all working people around the world.
And that's who suffers from all of this.
So, yeah.
Let's stick together.
Alright.
Bye, everybody.
Peace.
I hope you kept the note That I left for you to meet
Or did you throw it away Four passes by to stop and see And nothing can account For reasons why I'd be so mean Why do I open my mouth where I know silence should be?
▲
Export Selection