New vocabulary word for the children: debauchery, perversion, sodomy, transgression, witchcraft
This week we cover Meta, envisioning a virtual reality world of Boomer facebook posts lovingly rendered in 3 dimensions Also, Florida school children take a small-business themed field trip to a restaurant that happens to be popular with the LGBTQ community, so the school board is receiving death threats. Music: Limp Wrist - Just Like You Support the show for only $3.11/month at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get a bonus episode every week sent directly to your podcast app
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get you.
Oh, they're in Bartholstein.
Stay tuned.
Okay, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
We are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Gay bars and grills are responsible.
We're documenting it.
What's up, everybody?
It's your show for the week.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
If you're a new listener, thanks for nothing, shithead.
Why haven't you been listening to us before this?
Yeah, why have you been sleeping?
Come on.
No, thank you for giving us the opportunity to win your trust as a podcast.
It will not be squandered.
Mostly, you know, a lot of what we cover on this show, we cover stuff on Facebook, you know.
A lot of people don't want to be on Facebook, so we provide the service of letting people know what's there, you know, so you don't have to actually, you know, wallow in the muck and mire with the rest of us.
And some Facebook-centric news did come out a couple days ago.
There's going to be a new Facebook.
It's got not just your face, but your whole body in it.
Your whole being?
Your whole being.
It's going to be a virtual reality playground of boomer nonsense, of course, called Meta.
Am I saying that right?
I think so.
I think meta is how I've heard it said.
And it begs a lot of questions here, you know?
Is it, it's not pronounced like PETA?
Meta?
Meta.
Yeah, I think it has to be meta.
I can't imagine being anything else.
Like, I've tried because I don't want it to be that.
But, you know, it's not working out.
It's meta every time.
What if you tried to do, uh, Tony, what if you as a vegan tried to do like a less soy, like more macho version of PETA called META, which was Men for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
Uh, I think that's a good idea.
Like we're going to talk about how, you know, it's manly to not eat animals.
Yeah.
I mean, honestly, like to me, it's, it's, it's a wonder that man can eat at all.
How, what do you mean?
Just, you know, like, It's just a wonder that man can eat at all right now in these times.
So I'm not going to get into the vegan stuff.
I think, I mean, I think it's a wonder that you see men whose children eat before them.
Like they sit down at a dinner table and like the kids get fed first?
The kids get fed the Morningstar patty before the head of the household?
Hell no.
What the fuck is up with that?
Not in this house.
No, that's why I think Mita needs to needs to be a thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I just, I just gave the kid dinner, but I looked her dead in the eyes and ate two bites of her food and then just walked away.
Cause she just can't, she can't have that advantage.
Uh yeah so Facebook is now like uh how Google it was the ABC Google changed to like Alphabet now because they're like what's a what's a like a bigger more basic thing that we can own let's own the word Alphabet uh so like I'm pretty sure Google's parent company is called Alphabet now.
Facebook is going the same route with Meta.
Well, what's even more outside of Alphabet?
That's cool.
So like, so like words, I guess.
We're everything that's even outside of reality.
We're like reality and then some.
It's called Meta.
And he, Zuckerberg showcased like a demonstration of what meta Facebook is going to look like, which is like a reality, a virtual reality where you sit around a table and play a game of cards in the literal dogs playing poker painting.
And you're playing with the dogs and your dogs too?
You can do anything on this app, man.
It's going to be nuts.
That's nuts.
It's gonna be like traveling without moving?
It's gonna be like you're gonna be able to sit in like a totally foreign living room while you play your little bubble clicking game on a virtual reality screen.
That's just crazy that like when things are so big and they should be so small.
Yeah?
Like what?
Like the screen or what?
Like, I don't, you know, it's gonna, they're gonna condense it down to a website?
Like, everything?
We can do anything there?
I think that's the idea.
Like, I love this- They're doing too much here.
I, for one, am really excited what the future holds for Facebook if it's going to be, uh, Like, Gen X and Boomer social media in virtual reality, where you can create rooms, you know, for all your, all your pals to join in.
Uh, and like, yeah, in the demonstration video, it was like, oh, here's a room where there's a waterfall or a forest or whatever.
Right.
But it's definitely just going to be like insane.
User-generated rooms that look like a Windows screensaver.
You're traveling through the maze except every wall is like a stretched out picture of Jesus on it.
Yeah, because they're not going to know how to use it correctly.
Are the little moving avatars that we're going to be, are they just going to have phones in their hands that they will show each other memes on?
I think so.
The good news is, I think your cousin finally can identify as an attack helicopter.
Oh, it's just going to be in the room as it's hovering around?
Uh, your grandpa is gonna create, like, accidentally create one of these meta rooms where he just falls through a photo of a banana and mayonnaise sandwich to infinity.
Just, like, falling forever.
Just glitching out, just glitching out, but somewhere between the mayonnaise and the bread, which, you can't see that space with the human eye, but it's there.
You're finally going to get to see them execute Hillary Clinton and Tom Hanks side-by-side, both wearing ruby red pumps and holding hands as they fall through the platforms and in the gallows.
You'll be able to watch it over and over again until your heart's content.
Just on a loop?
Will you be able to feel it?
Yeah, yeah.
It's like beyond 4D, right?
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, you'll be able to feel the crowd oohing and aahing as she jerks around.
You'll definitely be able to visit the bedroom where Tom McDonald films all of his music videos.
Oh man, what a useless twisting of new technology.
You'll get to see the folder with all the printed out Turning Point memes that he uses to write his lyrics with.
It's a mood board, but it's for like lyric motivation.
Just half of them have Charlie Kirk on them.
Oh man, what a mess we're in.
You can watch Ben Shapiro, you'll be able to, I hope, this is like my fondest wish, but you'd be able to watch Ben Shapiro refuse sex from a busty college girl with green hair and then convert her to what you think is Christianity.
But it sounds a little different.
You're not quite following what's happening, but you're pretty sure it's Christianity.
And the cool thing is he'll be taller than her?
Because you can just code that, you know?
Yeah, and she won't even try to get a word in edgewise.
It'll be good.
Yeah.
You'll get to see Joe Biden join in on the Let's Go Brandon chant, just like Babylon B said he would.
Wow, yeah.
Now, is this happening because he's a fool and doesn't know what he's doing, and he just thinks he's supporting Brandon?
Yeah, well he thinks his name is Brandon now.
We saw the image of his wife saying that, of Mrs. Biden saying, great going guys, now he thinks his name is Brandon.
So yeah, he thinks his name is Brandon and he thinks everybody's cheering him on.
Oh no, this poor fool.
This poor fool.
And then finally, I think, yeah, you'll be able to just, you know, lie in a bed surrounded by all your loved ones, you know, that you haven't been able to see in a while.
Kaylee McKinney, the mustache man from the memes.
Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben, they've put the word white back on the box of rice.
It's a miracle.
You can actually talk with Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben.
You can have a conversation.
It's going to be like the Hall of Presidents, but it's going to be the Hall of Mascots that have gone wayward.
Yeah, there's definitely going to be people whose face is just that disclaimer that says, My corporeal form is my own property.
Facebook does not have permission to use my skin map for profit.
But they're, you know, you can click behind that and you can still see what they look like.
It's okay.
Yeah.
You just click to the next slide.
The t-shirt they're wearing is just going to be a stretched image of their profile picture.
Is that how we're going to get the money?
Is we're going to do like skins?
Generated, you know, the generated t-shirts for your avatar.
You don't even have to ship them anymore.
You can just get a new one every day.
Yeah, that's like why NFTs are so important.
Hell yes.
You got to know that it's like a real Digital Supreme t-shirt.
Yeah, you got to know where it came from.
It really came from the same place that, you know, makes weapons.
Yeah, are you looking forward to anything you might see on Facebook's metaverse, the virtual reality Facebook?
Um, I like, I like to, maybe there'll be some sort of like feature where, um...
Like, I can make a version of my aunt who's, like, not, you know, I can just put an aunt skin on, like, my friends and, like, have, like, a nice conversation about, like, just life in, you know, general and, like, they'll just be, like, kind and, like, not hateful, but they'll look like my aunt and, like, that would be nice to have that feeling again.
Maybe we can do that.
Maybe I can put a skin on, like, my nephew And, like, my nephew will finally, like, message me back, but it's just, like, a group I'm in, and that's what the notifications do.
That'd be cool.
Yeah, I hope that's possible, because I really want to be able to dress somebody up, like, so they look like Ilhan Omar, and she can say, I have sex with my brother to get into this country.
Yeah.
That would be pretty cool.
Yeah, I don't know.
The possibilities are endless.
Yeah.
So...
Looking around at this meta stuff, not a lot of fun stuff from the right wing on this thing.
They're not really, like, trying much anymore.
The one thing that popped out to me at first was meta was trending on Twitter, you know, when they announced it, but what was also trending was make everything Trump again.
Yes.
That's what the right wing said that Meta stood for.
They said, ha ha.
Easy shirt to make too.
Yeah, the algorithm already made those shirts.
That's what you did.
Ha ha.
You didn't know, but you were giving us magic meme juice with the name Meta because now we're all saying make everything Trump again.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
I just like Trump.
It sucks because I don't think that like Mark Zuckerberg and those people even ever really thought of Trump as much as it was like a part of the formula, but not as much as like to acknowledge him.
I don't think they care about him at all.
They cared about him insofar as he drastically lowered their tax burdens.
Oh, no, totally, totally.
But I'm saying I don't I think he was just like it's not they're not They didn't think about that when they made that name.
Someone probably said they're gonna do that and they probably said so.
Who cares?
Oh, we gotta deal with that for two or three years.
It'll be over.
It's cool.
I definitely think Mark Zuckerberg does not care if some people on the internet say META stands for Make Everything Trump Again.
I don't think that's going to ever be the first thing someone thinks of when they hear the word META.
No, not at all.
Which has been a word for a very long time.
Yeah, and they're probably still not going to think of this website for a while.
Yeah, I mean, if this website, if this feature of Facebook ever actually happens, it'll probably be glitchy as hell.
You'll probably see your friends, you know, phasing through the door constantly or, I don't know, half their face melding with whatever weight loss ad is also in your feed.
But I think it could generate some really fun content for us.
Oh, absolutely.
If we ever get there.
I mean, really what it is, it's just gonna be like a playground for, you know, there'll be premium stuff if they ever actually get a hold of it.
It'll be a playground for, like, you know, the people who can live on the 20th story while the other 15 stories are below water and...
I don't know, have, you know, digital versions of all their boy sex slaves.
What it's going to be, it's going to be like, you know, cyberpunk, that game, but it's going to be the, you know, world's biggest Facebook group for supporting this and that, you know, like a really niche, like awful Facebook if they were, like that you're in, but with like those features and it's going to just be hellish and hilarious.
So I have a question.
Cyberpunk 2077, I think is the title, you know, game known for its, you know, failure and repeated failure in its launch.
That's all I know about it.
Well, there's one other thing that a lot of people do know about it, which is that you get to craft like an insane penis for your character or, uh, you know, in genitalia in general, you can have like really like cool augmented, uh, genitalia.
I want to know if in the Facebook metaverse, if I can make my genitalia normal.
Yeah.
Can I just make it normal?
Can I augment my genitalia so that it looks normal?
Yeah.
I want to be able to look at something again.
That'll be interesting to see.
I got my close eye on that.
The default just looks like this mangled thing and... Dammit!
Just trash.
It looks like a crushed cigarette butt.
They just know what it looks like already?
It's just already preloaded for you?
Well, hey, yeah, I mean, we're talking about Fed book here.
Mark Zuckerberg knows more about me than my own mother does.
She hasn't seen my penis in a couple years at least.
Yeah I just love make everything Trump again like that's the that's the only thing they could come up with and it's like somebody else I saw a couple other comments that were like must elect Trump again which is one that actually makes sense but it did not catch on that no because it's too it's too It's too different than the thing they already know.
The thing they already know is make America great again, right?
And so they have to cram this one into that one.
And so it's make everything Trump again, which I'm not sure even what that means.
Like for these people, everything already is Trump.
Maybe it's like they have to see non-Trump stuff, you know, when they turn on the TV and it's infuriating to them.
It's like, You know, it's like hell is other people.
It's an existential nightmare when you have to look out your window and see something that's not Trump, or you turn on your computer and you see something that's not yourself, aka an extension of Trump.
Well, it's not everything is Trump anymore because, like, Trump, Trump, I don't think, like I said, I don't think about him much anymore.
Like, he, you know, our biggest enemy, like, you know, our biggest enemy is, like, Biden now.
Like, so not everything is Trump, you know?
Yeah.
We're not, if it, when he was president, we're, that's all we focused on.
I think what they should have done is maybe had an appeal to get him back on the, on the platform and maybe something like, maybe even Trump again?
Like, maybe, maybe let him back on again?
Maybe even Trump again?
Yeah, be a little more reasonable.
Yeah.
You know, a little more like, I don't know, cordial or colloquial with it.
Yeah, I hate to tell you, but all of your dates you've set up have passed now.
We gotta try a different strategy.
I just like to, you know, make everything Trump again.
I'm gonna make a meta room where everything literally is Trump.
Oh, that is going to happen.
Like the lamp is just like, it's like a skin wrapped of like just Trump's face.
You know, but it's like the buff face.
It's like a Ben Garrison cartoon of his face but it's still stretched out so it ends up looking also like trump really does yeah uh you know the dresser is going to be trump and like you pull out the shelves and it's just like pieces of his face coming out the thing about about him too is they're so interesting because he doesn't have to look cool or good in these pictures um I mean, just so it doesn't matter how the skin wraps.
So there's going to be a lot of opportunity here.
It's going to be like all over shirt, all over print shirts, you know, like for sure.
And like it's I'm excited to see what they do with this, actually.
Okay, yeah, Make Everything Trump again was the main, like, trending thing for Meta.
That was how they owned Mark Zuckerberg to begin with, but I have a few other responses to Facebook's name change to Meta, which is really not their name change, it's just like the parent company is, you know, the umbrella company is changing the name.
Teresa Griffin wrote, Fake book!
Name change equals Old Zucky Lost Facebook!
The White Hats took it over when it went down a couple weeks ago.
Their headquarters were raided and all servers confiscated.
Some are saying that Meta equals Make Everything Trump Again.
The fact checker garbage is still installed because they can't unveil the truth yet!
Hang on and don't go by human reasoning and what you see.
You're about to get lots of surprises.
Zucky's been dumping stock like crazy.
He he he.
This is incredible.
Like, they think this is a thing that's happening and you only know about it because I'm telling you in a comment.
Yeah.
That's why you know, like, you, listen, you don't even understand.
This is, it happened.
It got, they got rated.
Uh, they got, they got all stuff and like, this is why they're changing the name.
It's like, no, actually they're, you're like, that might've happened a tiny bit, but not really, you know?
You're like, don't worry, don't worry about it.
You'll hear all about it when they make the movie in 10 years.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just sit back, just go about your daily lives, okay?
Oh, when Chris Pratt is playing the head white hat operative who storms the Facebook servers, then maybe you'll pay attention.
Oh man, you think there's gonna be like a Jesse Eisenberg cameo?
He's gonna get hogtied and dragged out of there.
Yeah.
So yeah, I like, I love that.
Hey, if none of this makes sense to you or seems reasonable, that's good.
That's a good sign.
You do not want to trust your human reasoning.
Trusting reasoning is bad, okay?
I mean, think about where you're at mentally right now, right?
You trusted human reasoning for a while there and it didn't go well for you, did it?
Exactly.
Just look where you're at.
You're reading this right now.
How's your life?
Are you sure you want to keep continuing?
Just give in.
Just give in.
Just stop.
I passed this through a couple algorithms and I got a better answer.
So it's beyond human reasoning.
Okay, Teresa Griffith.
Oh, somebody in the comments was like, my doggy is really sick.
Or was it cat?
I don't remember.
Their cat is really sick.
It's constipated.
Uh, and the surgery's gonna be too expensive.
And this was just in the comments section for the Facebook meta post, uh, for the white hats taking over Facebook.
Teresa Griffith responds, I've helped people with pets many times.
Put him in your lap and put one hand on his belly, the other hand on his spine lightly and stay there for at least 10 minutes while you sing the truth about how you love him and what you want for him.
Tell him there is hope and healing and that you are imparting it to him now.
Tell him Jesus loves him and wants him to be healthy.
That's a lie.
Jesus does not love animals.
We all know this.
Tell him your pain is not his fault.
Parentheses.
He feels your grief and negative emotions about 2020 slash 2021.
So not only did they steal the election from us, they also made my doggie sick.
They also backed up the puff.
This is so fucked.
This is so fucking fucked, you guys.
My dog has some shit and it's all...
Uh, my dog is an empath, and he senses all the negative emotions from me.
I've been trying to calm down but I just can't and I've been bottling it up.
It's because I've been bottling it up.
That's what it is.
So he's bottling it up, you know?
I know what'll help my grief out.
I'll ask a total stranger on Facebook who's selling snake oil about how a team of white hats took over Facebook for the better.
I'll ask her for how to save my dog.
That'll definitely help my emotional well-being.
I mean, this is all great advice for the dog, I gotta say.
This is really great advice.
I really like the part where they're talking about, like, being kind to the dog while you're like... I really love that, but it's... yeah.
This is all because of all the stress that's been put on you and Anxiety Party because of... well, because of the fucking demon rats.
Yeah.
Like, wow.
I feel like shit.
Should we stop this show?
I don't want dogs being constipated.
You carry a lot of stress in your neck and your upper back.
Really where you carry it is in your dog.
That explains so much.
My poor dog.
He's been going through it lately.
Oh man, what does this say about you?
Look at Gizzi!
Gizzi looks better than ever, alright?
She's never looked better.
This is true!
You should have seen, when I first got her, oh man, that vet clinic must have had bad vibes or something.
Man, they must have been really stressed out.
She was a horror show.
Uh, repeat all of this twice a day and I believe his bowels will loosen.
Tight bowels is always stress-related.
I love this that, like, Teresa Griffith is not, like, a vet or anything.
She's, like, a maybe a spiritualist or something.
She kind of advertises her page as, um, like a self-help thing.
She's got a website.
I think she has a radio show or something.
I'd be interested in listening to it.
Uh, But Patricia Mullen is like, uh, hey, my dog's sick.
And Teresa's like, all right, I got this.
Like just cracks her nut.
It's like that episode of King of the Hill where Peggy thinks she's on a roll, like fixing problems.
And she's like on the phone with a woman who's like complaining about, uh, her, her, her bird won't learn new words.
And so she's like, put them on.
And the woman has to fake being a fake like a bird voice to get Peggy off the phone?
I love Dora Shelwyn!
The thing is, it's a dog, so it might just...
Maybe there's a bunch of string inside of its guts.
Like it's a dog.
It's not always trust related.
Take your dog to the vet.
You need to do that.
Then Patricia Mullen, the owner of the dog, says, stress, yes.
I cry, sob, scream for my husband six days out of seven.
All my animals hear me, and when I'm crying, just gut-wrenching crying, I know they are worried.
Thank you, Teresa!
Thank you.
- Praying hands emoji. - Nevermind, this is actually stress related.
This is absolutely stress-related.
Imagine being an animal of someone who's always sobbing.
That would, like, oh, that'd be so... Just walking around all day.
I didn't ask for this.
Screaming and sobbing.
Screaming, sobbing, throwing up.
Why, you know, dogs are talking to each other.
Like, oh, hey, Rover, why are you in here all the time?
You know, in the vet clinic.
I see you all the time.
You're a young pup.
What are you doing here?
Oh, my owner is moaning Myrtle.
Makes me constipated because she's just screaming in my face 24-7.
I try to stay under the water, but not for the reasons so I can block the hearing.
And she keeps saving me.
She won't let me die.
I try to just stop shitting.
I just see if I can just stop shitting.
I can end this.
Nope, no luck.
And you know what?
She doesn't even like chocolate, so there's no out here.
Uh, last thing, uh, the, I saw in this same comment section, I love a good post that has a good comment section because it leads you down, like, different avenues, you know, obviously like the one we just went through, uh, but it, but it branches out, it lets you know what else is going on, right?
Angela DeBlasi comments on the same, you know, Teresa Griffith Facebook post, Meta means quote dead in Hebrew parentheses feminine adjective.
Mark Zuckerberg must have slept through Hebrew class.
That was the punchline?
That was it?
I thought it was gonna go down like a more, like, anti-Semite-like type route.
This is actually not bad.
I'm not upset about this one.
Well, this is the other viral response to meta from the right wing, that I've seen at least, which is, uh, meta means dead!
Uh oh, boy, you sound stupid now.
You're dead in the water.
The name sounds like the other thing.
It's funny because that is what it meant.
That would be sick.
What if you could just plug in and be dead for a little while?
You just put on your VR headset and you're just dead for a while.
Yeah, I would pay for that.
But the thing is, it's subscription based.
So if you miss a payment, you're alive again.
Yeah, oh, Millennial Virtual Reality.
You get to die.
You get to die in there, yeah.
Right, how millennials, they all want to die.
Yeah, it's true.
I love that it's parenthesis feminine.
So like, not only is it dead, it's like the pussy kind of dead.
Yeah, it's like, yeah, the feminine kind of stuff.
It's just like, honestly, I don't know if you've ever, like, seen a woman die, but it is over the top.
It's just like, ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo What they're like when they die.
I just want you to know what they mean by meta, you know?
I want you to fully understand why this is a great joke.
I love, yeah, Mark Zuckerberg must have slept through Hebrew class, says Angela DeBlasi.
Like trying to dunk on a Jewish guy for not knowing a Hebrew word when your name is DeBlasi.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the best dunk.
Uh, so yeah, I thought this was very interesting and I was like, oh, okay, this is the next little rabbit hole to go down.
And so I put dead in, you know, uh, meta and then Hebrew or meta dead Hebrew to see what was going on.
Um.
The thing about Mark Zuckerberg must have slept through Hebrew class you're like oh that's kind of like a weak weak punchline or whatever that's like the punchline on all the viral tweets that actually happened and all the viral Facebook posts are like some variation on that like oh looks like he forgot to looks like he must have cheated on his religion test where you learn what the Hebrew word that sounds like meta means
What if, like, Mark Zuckerberg is, like, fuming, though, and is like, actually, no, I'm going, I am, I'm, like, I'm going for, for, like, a Nostradamus thing here, and, like, no one, like, they're not taking me seriously.
I'm telling them that I'm gonna die soon in a feminine way, and they just, they don't believe me.
Uh, and then, yeah, Ben Shapiro did a whole article on it, on Daily Wire, uh, meta, Facebook's new name, Mocked Online, means, quote, dead, in Hebrew.
Whoa.
These fucking idiots, they named, they named their company dead.
Do they know what bad vibes those are?
Those are not good vibes.
I mean, maybe they do know what it means and it's like, this is gonna be a place for like, you know, men to live.
Maybe that's what they're saying.
I think it's very funny that somebody who's, you know, Ben Shapiro's Jewish, flirts very hard with the far right, you know, pretty constantly, engages himself in the culture war and the fight for like, quote, Western civilization, those sorts of white nationalist buzzwords.
Also pointing out how Like, the head of Facebook that everybody hates is Jewish?
Like, saying that their new company name is a Hebrew code word for dead?
Like, I don't know if this is gonna have the reaction that you want it, Ben.
I mean, I guess the reaction you want is clicks, and this post has 50,000 likes on it, and 4,000 comments, 5,000 shares.
on it and 4 000 comments 5 000 shares he's one of the top uh pro uh whatever outlets on facebook so you know um this is bread and butter but it's just like yeah when i saw that oh there there's it sounds like dead i didn't think the punchline was going to be like oh even mark zucker even me a midwestern mom knows more hebrew than mark zuckerberg because i read a meme from don jr on instagram or whatever
uh that's not the way i thought it was gonna go No and I don't think that's the smartest way to go about it though.
It's just like when you... because like the thing is they didn't know it until they saw it of course but now they've seen it so they all know it and it's kind of like when you're you know inevitably when you go down like a Islamophobe type tunnel they'll be like no I've read it I've read the Quran front to back I know the whole thing so it's like you're you're saying that you're knowledgeable so therefore you can't be you know there's no other you can go crazy now and go wild
Uh, so these are... I can't remember where I got... I think these are from the Ben Shapiro comment section on Facebook.
Rebecca Lee, whose profile picture is a jack-o'-lantern that's been carved to read, let's go Brandon, says, meta equals FB.
Okay, with you so far.
Cool, cool, uh-huh, I get it.
Metastatic cancer equals advanced cancer.
The worst word a patient can expect to hear from their physician is that they have cancer.
And worse still, so not the worst one then, if there's worse still, is when cancer has metastasized or quote spread.
Cancers are by no means novel, and old papyri from ancient Egypt have described cancers and how they present since antiquity.
And despite the advances in medical science, the outcome of many cancers remains a grim one.
Sounds like the new name is perfect for the asshole.
Wow.
Wow, that's a good one.
That's something heady I can get into.
I like that.
That's like, wow.
They're admitting that they're a cancer.
That's what they're doing.
They're out here saying it for sure.
They're saying they're admitting that they're actually worse than you think they are.
Meta equals FB.
Metallica equals the worst word a person can hear screamed over the radio.
That's, that's, I mean, I don't know.
I don't know.
That's a pretty good word.
No, imagine hearing one for eight minutes.
No, thank you.
Never mind.
Never mind.
I thought you just really meant like, like if you called into a radio station, I want to hear you scream Metallica over that.
Dude, I wish.
That'd be so cool if I got to do, I don't think they do mandatory Metallica anymore.
I don't even think the radio station exists that used to do mandatory Metallica.
Uh, no, I think, I don't know, I think it still exists.
K-Cal still exists, I think.
Okay.
I think they still do Manta and Metallica.
They did, they still do Kegers, so.
Okay.
So they must be doing that still.
How's, does Tiffany still sound really hot over the radio?
Um, no, I think they're all gone.
Yeah, they did y'all get fired.
Yeah, my, they all got fired when my, my, my ex-girlfriend was working there at the time.
And like, I got to like, hear all the, the wild drama behind it.
It was nuts.
Man, poor Stu and Jimbo too.
Those guys.
Aaron Phillips says meta equals trash.
So.
I mean.
That guy's verified.
Which in turn means that Facebook equals trash.
So I'm with this guy.
Kathy Ganno Waters says a rose by any other name still smells as sweet.
In this case, FB is no rose, but a pile of dung that stinks.
Their new quote reality will cause so much harm to people who are too deluded to realize what's happening until it's too late.
Kathy comments on Facebook.
Yeah.
I think that saying I think that she should have said a pile of shit still smells like shit by any other name and like kind of cut the middle out of that you know but I like I like where she's going with this I can't fool me can't fool me this is still still shitty this is still bad It's still going to be run by the same company where I spend all my free time right now.
So keep that in mind.
It's going to be bad, really bad, and I won't be able to stop.
Vicky Cherry says, LOL... No one researched the meaning of the name.
They just thought the symbol looked pretty.
So they're talking about the logo that they also came up with, which is like an infinity sign.
And I think Vicky thinks that they came as a package, they were delivered to Facebook as a package, and Facebook was like, I don't know about this meta thing, I just love the little squiggle underneath.
So yeah, we'll take it, we'll take both, we'll take it all.
There's no way they're keeping that logo.
That logo's not lasting more than a year.
I mean, I don't... I don't know if face... if meta will last a year.
Like, Facebook makes changes to their app every single day.
It's infuriating.
Yeah, it's like, that's not what... that logo doesn't mean meta.
That's like... that symbol's not the meta symbol.
Margaret Whitehead Degraff says, Mark must have never made his bar mitz apostrophe va space comma to learn some basics in Hebrew.
Little pro tip, little pro tip.
If you're like gonna speak outside of what your knowledge culturally, copy and paste that motherfucking man.
Google that.
Copy and paste that.
It's worth it every time.
Yeah, uh, stay in your lane, Margaret, and just post about, like, remember this, and it's a photo of Andy Griffith.
No, you can change your, you can not stay in your lane, you just gotta do a little due diligence first.
Gotta put that blinker on before you cut him off, you know what I'm saying?
Gotta check the mirror, yeah.
Yeah, that's all you gotta do, just copy and paste that.
Okay, I don't know.
Very excited about what the future might hold for us, for the show, for Meta.
It's gonna be good, I think.
Honestly, to me, it just sounds like some virtual insanity.
Oh, shit.
That's pretty good.
You could probably get a Jamiroquai hat for your avatar.
Oh, no doubt.
You could be in that room.
You can be in the sliding room.
That seems like too stressful.
It might give my dog constipation.
Can't do that.
Just so you know, the first couple things that didn't make any sense I was saying were all just lyrics from that stupid song.
Moving on, I wanted to talk about a story that was sent to us by a listener.
This was, I believe, HR.
HR!
The HR we do like, somebody who listens to this show, emailed us with this story that is, yeah, of course, very properly deranged for the show.
I'm going to read here from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Kid's field trip to bar and grill brings death threats.
State investigation.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
When I read articles with titles like that, I get worried that They are catching on what we're doing, and this is an algorithm, and that, like, it's not real, and that this is actually just something, like you said, you're gonna click on it, and it's just gonna be a link to a shirt that says exactly that.
That you've actually manifested by, you know, some sick, uh, you know, uh, uh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Cookies, you know?
Yeah, or it's like some hyper-specific minion death cult based Babylon B. It's like they're just creating fake headlines to fool their gullible readership, which is us.
There's somebody out there right now who's created a bunch of articles that are throughout Facebook and been shared as the complete fake news.
They're just twirling their fingers, loving it.
So, Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
Who would have thought?
A Broward School Board member's post about an elementary school field trip to a bar and grill popular with Wilton Manor's LGBTQ community has led to a firestorm on social media.
Reports of death threats and now a state investigation.
And of course, the state investigation is not into the death threats, but rather the teacher for taking the children to anything that could be associated with the LGBTQ community.
Yeah, I mean, I do.
I think it's weird that they, you know, took him to this bar and grill.
They went there for like a like a pup meetup, right?
Like that's what was going on?
I don't know what that is.
They were doing kink demonstrations?
For the kids, right?
Was it a rope class?
Yeah, well let me tell you, it was a pup meetup, and let me tell you, none of them were constipated.
Nobody was stressed, baby.
That's why their parents are freaking out, right?
That has to be why.
Yeah, let me read more from the story.
We find out, a group of kindergarten students from- Oh yeah, you can't take kindergartners there.
You can't take kindergartners to a kink demo, that's not cool.
A group of kindergarten students from Wilton Manors Elementary visited nearby Rosie's Bar and Grill on Wednesday morning as part of a field trip to learn about restaurants and businesses in their community.
The restaurant, a staple in the largely gay city for 19 years.
I like that, largely gay city.
Like, did they do a census on who's gay in the city and it's like mostly gay?
They just went around asking the teens what they thought of this place.
Gay?
The restaurant is staple in the largely gay city for 19 years.
I love that so, so much.
Just put it on the fucking... Welcome to, uh, what is it?
Welcome to Wilton Manor, a largely gay city.
Uh, uses campy adult humor in its decor and a menu that many parents say is inappropriate for children.
And then embedded here is the actual post that the school board member did of the field trip, which shows like, you know, a kid's menu that a child has drawn, like, colored in a pumpkin on, you know?
It shows the wall decor is just like a nice rainbow, like a sort of like a...
I don't know what you would call it, but like all around the wall of the room are like horizontal stripes like a rainbow, you know?
It looks almost like painted glass or like an aquarium or something.
It looks very cool.
And then, yeah, the post is very innocuous.
It just says, I was so honored to be invited to chaperone Wilton Manors Elementary's field trip to the incredible Rosie's.
The student and I had fun walk and learned a lot about the community.
A huge thank you to Rosie's Bar and Grill for hosting this special field trip every year.
And there are 500 comments on this post.
Oh no.
Before they were able to limit the post.
Like every year they go there all the time.
This is like not a new thing.
Yeah, it's almost like something's been deliberately stirring up shit for people's school and teachers and shit like that.
They walked there.
Now, the State Department of Education, which has already been feuding with the Broward School District over its mandatory mask policy, is investigating.
Quote, we have an investigator going down there to determine if there is a legally sufficient complaint, said Jared Ochs, a spokesman for the department.
The health, safety, and welfare of Florida's 2.9 million students is of utmost importance.
Unless it's about wearing masks, in which case, if it's about wearing masks, we insist that they not do that.
But if it's about, like, eating a hamburger where there might be a portrait of Harvey Milk on the wall, excuse me, I'm very concerned about the safety of these children.
Yeah, not okay.
Not okay.
What if they have one of those, like, pictures of, like, of John Waters telling people to read?
They can read, but not for him.
I heard they had a poster of Harvey Milk on the wall and I was like, oh cool, like the avant-garde sort of post-hardcore art rock band?
Sick.
And then I found out it was actually like the gay leader, the gay political icon?
I was infuriated.
It was even worse.
It wasn't even actually him.
It was What's-His-Name playing him.
Good old What's-His-Name, yeah.
I know, I know who you mean, Tony.
I forgot his name, and I'm okay with that.
Sean Reese Davies is the guy's name.
Yep.
A school board member, as a school board member, I already read that.
The field trip went viral after school board member Sarah Leonardi posted photos on Facebook with commenters suggesting she should be removed from office, arrested, or even killed.
Yep.
That's Facebook for ya.
Yeah.
Sadly, I've recently been attacked with bigoted comments and death threats, she said.
My friends and family have also been targeted.
These attacks have no place in our society.
I mean, good luck.
Good luck trying to take the high road with these people.
Rosie's has also received threats, said John Ziba, co-owner of the restaurant.
Leonardi and Ziba said they've been reported to Wilton Manors Police.
Ziba said the field trip has happened most years in the past decade, with last year being an exception because of COVID-19.
The point of the trip is to teach children about how a restaurant operates, Ziba said, adding that the students walked from school as a group and arrived at about 11 a.m.
before most of the general public were present.
They get introduced to the chef and the general manager who explains what the servers do.
He said, some of these students have never been inside a restaurant before.
It's never gotten any attention before.
He said, so when they go into like the back where the chef is, and you know, he's showing them everything.
Like he's showing them all the speculums and he's showing them all like the ass training stuff and all the sounding rods he has like up on a magnet strip on the wall.
No, that's not until you're in fifth grade.
When you're in kindergarten, they just get an explanation of the handkerchief code.
That's it.
Kids like colors.
Big mistake.
You never want to do that, by the way.
Yeah, that was mistake number one.
Never want to post on Facebook.
big mistake you never want to do that by the way yeah that that was that was mistake number one never want to post on facebook that was really the only mistake uh posted on facebook photos of the lunch of students standing outside the rosie sign uh The post soon went viral with many social media users, including Governor Ron DeSantis' press secretary, Christina Pasha, questioning why Leonardi was taking students to a, quote, gay bar.
Quote, we have an investigator going down there to- I already read that part.
It's weird to embed it right there.
Some questioned the adult menu which includes entrees with names like Rhoda Cowboy and Ivana Hooker.
Oh no, just like, it's so, it's so funny.
It's like, uh, what's, what's his name?
Uh, it's like Blazing Saddles level puns here, you know?
It's like, oh no, your kids might hear something that was in Young Frankenstein.
Like this is this same these same people I remember going to place when I was a kid where like they weren't be a little they would be a little like crass and like the shirt like the certain there was like a Western style place we went to one time and all the servers had like Massive cleavage and there were lots of lots of puns on the menu and I think they cut your tie off you maybe One of those type places, you know, I mean, yeah, and is that the spunky steer?
Is that like what you're talking about?
I might have conflated the two.
But that was a cool thing.
People take their kids to Hooters all the time.
It's cool to be cheeky with your kids, but now they're doing it in a place where also gay people go.
Which makes you question, why do they have kids menus?
Well that's uh that's the thing is that of course you know the part of this that's going viral is oh it's a gay bar so just you know think about like the worst possible images you can imagine in in your mind and that's definitely what like the kids were seeing like two grown men like holding hands you know um
And of course, oh, the menu, it's, it's got like, you know, instead of Bundt cake, it's butt cake on the menu or whatever, right?
But of course, like, that's not the menu that the kids were given.
Children who attended were given a special menu listing entrees only as hamburgers, cheeseburgers, chicken fingers, and grilled cheese sandwiches, which really is not a great lesson in like branding and how to run a restaurant.
Like, these kids are gonna grow up thinking, oh, I can just put the word hamburger on a menu and that's gonna bring people in off the street.
Wrong.
Wrong.
No, you gotta be more clever, you gotta be more on top of that.
Yeah, you gotta have an image, you gotta have, you know, you gotta offer some ambiance, you know?
What a cool thing, too, like, how much better would kids be in restaurants if they all knew how it functioned?
If they understood, like, oh, that's why my fries aren't here yet.
Yeah.
Cool.
This is such a great thing.
You want these kids to work, like, entry-level jobs when they're 14, you know, at a fast food place or whatever, because you only want to pay them $7 an hour.
Yeah.
Why not get the state to subsidize their training process?
Boom!
Makes it even quicker.
You don't even have to, like, pay them for the three hours it would take to train them.
I mean, it takes longer than that, of course, but that's all the training they give you when you work at one of these places.
Imagine you walk in and you went to Rosie's in kindergarten, right?
All right, cool.
Table seven, table nine, those are yours.
Go.
That's it.
Um, what if, okay, this is a great fucking comment from, again, Ron DeSantis, governor of Florida.
Ron DeSantis' spokesperson, Christina Pasha.
I'm going to read the tweet that she did, and then we're going to look at her Facebook profile real quick.
Quote, what if the Broward school board member took little kids, oh my god, were the kids little?
Don't tell me they were little.
Aren't they your average-sized kindergartners?
I'm thinking they were little.
I'm thinking they were the littlest kids.
No, they were probably very small.
All the small kids.
That's fucked.
Listen, you can come after me.
You can come after my big kids and my medium-sized kids.
But you come after my little kids?
Oh, it's fucking on.
mama bear What if the Broward school board member took little kid like babies like just little unborn children to infants To this bar
What if the Broward school board member took little kids to this bar expecting that some parents would protest so she could call the FBI and go on MSNBC to discuss all the quote threatening messages she's received from quote insurrectionist parents?
Pasha tweeted.
What if she wanted this?
She knew this.
Yeah.
She's playing 4D chess.
Yeah, I love this.
I love it so much.
Like, that's actually the only... Listen, she's a sick fuck, right?
For taking these little babies into a gay house of prostitution, the gay IHOP.
But she's also like Machiavellian with it.
She did it.
She used these children.
She sullied these children.
She knew what she was doing the whole time.
Just because she knew we were going to threaten to kill her on Facebook.
Yeah.
This is all so she can meet Rachel Maddow.
That's the endgame here.
I mean, shit.
Yeah, I'll fucking drag some kid's souls through the dirt if I get to meet Rachel Maddow or Chris Hayes.
I've been going to Rosie's for years hoping to run into Rachel Maddow.
No luck.
I had to step it up.
I brought some kids, thought I'd stir the pot.
If you're an actual Maddow fan, you would know that she makes her own drinks on air.
This is true.
Man, I know way too much about Rachel Maddow.
Hey, hey, you know, we all had a moment and like, you know... Do you remember when she would do that?
Wasn't it like every Friday she would make... After like a long week, yeah.
Yeah, she would bring out like a special cocktail recipe.
I think like her sister was a bartender or somebody she knew, maybe her partner was a bartender.
And she was like, and she was a connoisseur or she was like an avid learner about how to make cocktails.
And so she would mix a cocktail and then drink, you know, do the little zest and then take a sip of it and sign off.
Oh yeah.
That was, that was, those, those are the good old days.
Leonardo told the Sun Sentinel, oh no, let's look at Christina Pasha, whose Facebook profile, yeah, is available.
Her cover photo is like the Florida version of the Gadsden flag.
It says, don't tread on Florida, and there's an alligator instead of a snake.
I mean, like, I don't...
I don't know how to talk without this being... She's had like... I'm gonna point something out about it, okay?
She's had work done on her face.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so this is the thing that's interesting about this picture.
She's definitely invested a lot into what she looks like.
This costs a lot of money, the way her face looks.
And then still, it's a bad photo.
She does not look like this.
She looks probably better than this.
This is a terrible photo, and the backdrop is a closet that's been fuzzed out.
It's a Skype photo.
It's a bad photo.
And it's like her profile, like this person cares about how they look in general and this is the photo they use.
It's so weird.
Maybe this is like, this wasn't an actual, you know, photo for her profile.
Maybe this is just like a screen grab from her appearance in Pocket Ninjas.
That makes more sense.
It's a Robert Zadar joke.
Rest in peace, Robert Zadar.
Christina Pasha's bio is a quote.
It says, Anna Peezer is someone who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last.
Churchill.
So I think it's funny when you're like, you know, your flag is it's got an alligator or, you know, crocodile or whatever on it.
And in your bio, you're talking about how, like, people are appeasing crocodiles because they don't want to get, you know, murdered by them.
It's like, yeah, I think that's what is happening with the state of Florida at large.
I think we're kind of letting Florida do its own thing because, I mean, we have no other choice at this point, but maybe... Also because they have gators and that's scary.
I don't want to go over there.
They have crocodiles and gators.
Yeah.
I think they have both.
I don't remember how that works.
I used to know all that stuff.
Remember when we were knowing that stuff in elementary school?
Knowing all the details.
Yeah.
No.
No opinion.
I have no opinion on which one's a gator or a crocodile.
It's fine.
I just know that's why I don't go there.
Water moccasins?
No thank you.
That's why we don't tread on Florida.
Some messages suggested that Leonardi be removed from office or even arrested.
Some threatened physical harm.
Yeah, she already got conservative parents mad because she said, you know, kids should wear masks in classrooms or whatever.
That's about it for this article.
The district was, they said the district was under investigation because that district enforced masks and Florida was like, no, that's so wild.
That is so...
Whoa whoa yeah well Florida and I think other states have like passed laws now saying that nobody can mandate masks or vaccines like I think even like a private business can't mandate a mask upon entry or whatever which is yeah that's it's cool it's it's we love you know freedom we love government to get out of the way and also make the people we don't like do what we want.
You can't even put up a sign that says, hey, it'd be cool if you wore a mask because you're just going to get a brick through your window from the state.
Jeff Chapman commented on the school board member's post.
Before she could turn off comments on this post about the field trip, Jeff Chapman said, Jeff Chapman commented, hey, Sarah Leonardi, would you be okay if I took your kids to a strip club?
That feels different.
I get what you're trying to say there, but the way you phrase it is just different.
You're not a teacher, Jeff, so that's weird.
Also, I don't know if this is a thing, but you're a weird guy.
I don't know you.
No, you can't.
But if the kids were to go to a strip club at 11 a.m., sure.
You're right, though.
I'd want a teacher there to be able to put everything in context.
Yeah.
I also want them to explain things like fees, and the dancing fees, and how it's all a racket, and how they gotta be aware of this stuff, and how to value their labor.
That'd be cool.
I love owning the person you're calling a sicko, democrat, whatever, by saying, hey, can I take your children to a strip club?
Look at the look on her face.
I fucking got her.
Hey, uh, oh, you like- Oh, she said no, fucking hypocrite!
Hey, uh, how about, what if I fucked your children?
Huh, Sarah?
Huh, would you like that?
Wouldn't she hate that?
Probably wouldn't- Yeah, and that's how I felt when you took those kids I don't even know to a restaurant that had a rainbow in it.
Kevin Newton said, new vocabulary word for the children, debauchery, perversion, sodomy, transgression, witchcraft, domestic, terrorism.
Maybe didn't, maybe didn't mean to put the comma between those two.
I mean, I know you kind of backed yourself into a corner because you said vocabulary word and domestic terrorism is like a phrase.
So you had to put the comma between them.
It's, I think it, I think it scans maybe, you know, got, it's got some likes.
Also, that like end one, like maybe the suicide part you should maybe think about the rest of what you're saying.
Maybe there's a correlation between your attitude.
No, it's because they know God hates them.
They can feel it and that's why there's a higher suicide rate for them, for those people.
Pretty advanced words for little kids, Kevin says.
Even though you know he tells his little kids, hey listen, you know the whole gay thing is wrong because of debauchery, perversion, sodomy, transgression, witchcraft.
Witchcraft?
It's pretty cool.
I love comments like this because this is again like one of the top comments.
It's got like 27 upvotes.
you're like a right-wing culture warrior or whatever or you're like maybe just a really naive or slow quote concerned parent who's gotten swept along with the mania or whatever but you like look at this comment section who's like you know people who are ostensibly on your side and they're like yeah the field trip to the bar and grill was witchcraft
You like look at that like does that give you a does that give you pause do you like you know because I'm sure some of these people are like oh I don't have any problem with gay people but you know don't indoctrinate the children maybe some of them even like believe that you know believe that when they say it but you you're like right next to somebody who's saying the gay bar and grill is like perversion and witchcraft and terrorism and like an affront to God
You know, I would imagine you would have to take a step back and be like, what did I get myself involved in?
There's no way, because I think that's when they're cool with a spectrum.
That's when it makes sense to them.
Yeah.
Listen, I understand the gist of it, but I don't feel the way that guy feels.
That guy needs to fucking chill.
But yeah, I also don't want my kids to go there.
You know, I don't want to be getting documented.
What if they serve hot dogs there?
I don't want my boy eating no hot dog.
What if they serve hot dogs there?
I don't want my girl eating no hot dog.
Theresa Virgin cannot, well I think we found the problem here, says this woman needs to be removed from her position and possibly arrested.
Sounds jealous to me.
Uh so yeah the idea that yeah she she took the kids on a field trip she didn't she by the way it wasn't her field trip she like helped chaperone yeah and then posted about it and the teacher who like actually organized the field trip is like man well you fucking idiot like god you had doing this for years You had to brag about, you had to like get some points in or something with your social media platform.
Like, oh, you fucked it.
We used to be able to just have a day where we could go get a hamburger or like a chicken sandwich and never again.
That is my, uh, I guess that would be my one thing is I would be like, hey, why, why are there pictures?
Like, why are there pictures of my kids on Facebook?
That would be my, that would be my issue.
It wouldn't have anything, anything else here.
Um yeah but like that's because I'm sure the parents knew where they were going you sign a waiver.
Yeah well unless you're like my uh fifth no it was I was older than that I was like seventh grade
When we took a field trip with my English teacher at the time, Mr. Lopez, who turned out later to be a child molester, we took a field trip to the liquor store that his brother owned that was around the corner from the middle school where I went, Clement Middle School in Redlands, California.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
And we bought chips and stuff like that at the store and then walked back all without permission slips.
And that's not a joke.
That teacher did end up like I don't want to use the word, you know, but it's like also I don't want to make it sound nice what he did.
You know, he engaged in relations with a minor, you know, well, after I was there.
But yeah, looking back, like, real creepy dude.
Not a good idea.
I know that liquor store.
I used to live across the street when I was a kid.
I lived there for a minute when I was a kid.
Yeah.
Wow, that's wild.
I think we can all agree that guy should be arrested.
Is this making up stories now?
Alex said he goes to the liquor store?
I definitely did not tell my parents that I got to go buy Hot Cheetos during English.
Yeah, I think about stuff like that.
I used to go pick up lunch for teachers in high school.
That's wild.
Yeah, that's cool.
That's wild.
I remember one time in middle school, in a different English class, a kid had pizza delivered for lunch, but the guy came too early, and so he came during class before lunch happened, and the kid was in so much trouble.
That's so funny.
That kid rules.
As long as he paid for it, who cares?
I gotta eat, man.
King for a day, yeah.
Um, Diane Ohl says, What were they supposed to learn from a bar with adult-themed food names?
If the idea was cooking food, why not a Burger King?
Or a ma-pa-owned home cooking restaurant?
So the second one is, oh, you know, you know what, never mind, I don't know if... No, that's the thing!
It didn't even say it was, it didn't even say it was, like, gay-owned.
It just said it was, like, popular with, like, it just seemed like they're just friendly.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, I'm assuming it is, but I mean, it's not even part of it, you know?
It's like, what?
It's Ma and Pa, not Pa and Pa.
It has to be Ma and Pa.
Hold on real quick.
Is this a Ma and Pa or a Pa and Pa?
I might even be okay with a Ma and Ma, but I don't know about, I don't know about, I can't do that one.
Hey, call, call, call me Rex, because I'm on Pa patrol right now.
I'm like scanning the bar we're at, looking, making sure there's only one Pa back there.
Actually, this is actually a mama's and a papa's, so we got a whole thing going on, actually.
Yeah, yeah, I should have known we were California dreamin' the second I came into this restaurant.
I love that.
Why not take the kids to a Burger King?
Yep.
Or a ma-pa owned home cooking restaurant.
Like, why?
What would be the difference?
Yeah.
And like they said, they didn't even get that menu.
They're not making gay hamburgers.
Ew.
Like rainbow beef?
Is that what they're imagining?
I think Burger King did make a fucking gay hamburger, man.
I think that really did happen.
Oh wow.
Tight.
You'd love to see it.
I would go in order, but I'd have to order at the Impossible, and that sounds like I'm saying it's not a good thing.
Can I get, oh actually no, that, or is it great, can I get the Impossibly Gay Burger?
And the manager's like, sir, today nothing is impossible.
It's 2021.
We're not allowed to say it's impossible today.
No, no, we can't do it.
Sorry.
I love that it's like, this is, um, A genuinely very stupid field trip, right?
Like, it's fun, I wouldn't begrudge a teacher wanting to make up a reason to go out for lunch, you know, on a field trip or whatever, and like, a kitchen's fun, you know, to have, you know, kids get to see all that shit or whatever, but it's like,
The premise of it is we're gonna meet small business owners in the community and showcase like different pillars of the community by which I mean like small business tyrants who probably treat their employees like shit this is like I mean, you know, no shots at Rosie's.
I don't know Rosie's.
Maybe they treat their staff very well.
But it's just like, the whole premise is a very, like, bootlicking, micro-type propaganda for the small business owner.
And that's still not good enough for these parents because, like, yeah, one of the waiters there had a mustache.
Yeah.
The wrong kind of mustache.
You know the one when you see it.
It's just so funny to me.
Like, oh, we made these children work on a farm, right?
Oh, but the farm, uh, it was owned by black people.
Oh no, we're doing critical race theory now.
You know, like, you could like give these parents fucking, you could make their children, like you could take their children's phones away from them like you've been crying about for decades and then They would still freak out because, you know, oh, what if Antifa came on the premise that premises the kids couldn't call me?
Well, well, what if you take my kids fun away from them having under their own research?
Uh, Katie Fitzpatrick, uh, oh no, this one, this one's, oof.
Alice Mitchell says, ask yourselves why the youth of today are so confused and suicidal.
What's to be learned here?
Teach children how to read, do math, grammar, dot dot dot, true American history, a garbage school board.
Like, they tell themselves all the time.
So they're aware.
They're aware of that.
They're aware that kids are sad because of... And they're sad because of you, Alice.
Like, that's why they're sad.
They read this comment and they're fucking bummed now.
Like, that's...
They don't see that at all though.
The youth of today are suicidal because they went to a bar and grill where it was like there were jumbo shrimp on the menu and you know what that means.
Oof.
Whoa.
You know we're gonna get blue on this episode.
Yeah.
What's to be learned here?
And it's, yeah, it's the fucking business, you know, these people, all these people are like, we should teach taxes and how to do your taxes in school.
And you should learn how to create a budget in school.
And it's like, they're doing the thing you want.
They're going and like lifting up a small business and saying, this is a great thing that you should do.
You should definitely like exploit people's labor.
This is how you do it.
And, uh, no, it's Satanism.
Yeah, because the wrong colors are on the wall.
Also, they're in kindergarten.
So, like, that probably was learning how to read was a big thing when they, like, maybe learned how to read three menu items because those were just still too big for kindergartners.
Yeah.
They probably did a little math, too.
Yeah, I love the idea that they're just going to the gay bar and grill every day instead of learning math.
Instead of learning history, or like the teachers like, oh yeah, they got new placemats down at Rosie's that explain all the presidents.
That's why we're going today.
And they just print out their own placemats and hand them out at the table.
It just happens to be during happy hour.
Uh, Katie Fitzpatrick Bernard says, I grew up in Broward School's ELEMENTARY FIELD TRIP TO A BAR!
Dot, dot, dot, dot.
Worse yet, one served dishes called Ivana Hooker Naked Sweaty Lovin'!
What is a Naked Sweaty Lovin'?
What is that dish?
Like, a muffin?
Is there a pun in there?
I have no clue.
Out of their hundreds of pics on FB, not one shows a child under 18.
Dot dot dot dot.
Why?
It's a bar!
What happened to museums, zoos, or any place of business that is elementary friendly?
Way to bring on the PR for Broward Education.
Come on, get it together.
You're going to be too distracted by these horny names.
These kids can't even read!
They can't read!
I heard that they're teaching kindergartners how to read just so they can look at the menu where it says boobies on it.
The kids have to see the boobies.
I don't know if these people... I don't know if they went to the menu because I'm looking at the menu right now.
They're all called the Big Girl Burgers and I'm surprised no one's mad about that.
We all know that burgers aren't for girls.
Give me a man burger.
Yeah, I'm not eating the girl burger.
I don't care what kind of bar it is.
You can't make me eat a girl's burger.
Nope, I won't do it.
I won't do it.
I won't do it.
There's such, like, sweet names.
You're not bad at all.
Like, Hooker's, like, the worst thing I'm seeing so far.
And again, that's the adult menu.
That's not the fucking piece of paper child's menu with an outline of a jack-o'-lantern on it.
Oh, hold on.
Never mind.
They have one called the Sassy Caesar Salad, so I stand corrected.
Yeah, that's a bad... You don't be teaching kids to be sassy.
I'm gonna sass back.
And then also Caesar, don't get me started on that guy.
That fucking guy.
Salad?
Poof.
You know how they prepare a salad, right?
I've heard, I've heard.
You know what they do to it.
Oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
To equally distribute the dressing, obviously.
dressing.
Just go into, we need more parents to, or we need more children to toss a football instead of a salad.
Anna Maria.
Let me, let me do this last one here.
Okay.
Yeah.
Anna Marie Simon says, how about a trip to a local church where they can hear about God, the creator, Jesus Christ, his son, and the free gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.
After all, we are here on earth, but a mere moment in time.
Have a look at eternity that never ends.
I would start by reading the Gospel of John in the New Testament in the Holy Bible.
You know, I'm really grateful for the Constitution for, you know, because the Constitution is important.
It gives us things like, it gives Anna Maria the ability to say this.
You know?
I don't think it says anything else except for maybe something about guns.
I think it's just, I can say what I want and guns, right?
That's all the Constitution does?
Yeah, the Constitution says we can take public school children to church.
Yeah, I think that's exactly what it says.
More, more, actually let's just do more, just bring the church to the schools.
Okay, how about we meet halfway with Anna Maria Simon, okay?
And we take the kids to a gay church.
Oh, I'd like that!
But there's like still really silly puns for everything.
Like instead of opening the Bible, you open the bi-bull.
Oh, hey!
I think it's a good idea.
I like that idea.
Jesus is still up on the cross.
His loincloth is just a little smaller.
Oh, absolutely.
It's going to be a nice color.
It's going to be a more vibrant color.
And probably have more accessories.
What are some other...
There's a little crudité that comes with the body of Christ.
Like a nice little pairing, a little something on the side.
That'd be good.
I'm trying to think of other goofy puns you could do.
Like for the stuff, you know?
I'm trying to think of what stuff is in a church.
There's the pew.
The pews, you know?
I don't know, I can't really...
Pepe Le Pew, he's French, that's kind of gay.
The Pulpit, right?
I don't know.
What are the guys called?
The guys are called priests, right?
Or preachers?
Pastors.
Pastors.
Well, we don't have to do a pun there, because it's just going to be a woman.
It's a Unitarian pastor.
Close your eyes and that's what you know what a Unitarian pastor looks like.
Oh, instead of the hem-null, you'll pull out the hem-null.
With the H-I-M?
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
I like that.
Instead of saying, you know, like, welcome, peace be with you, you just go, hey.
And then, yeah, you'll say amen at the end.
This church sounds sick.
Like, I kind of want to go to this church.
I want to go to a church with, like, more fan-popping.
I love, yeah, just, oh, why?
Listen, alright?
You've tried everything with these kids.
You've tried taking them to the bar and grill.
Like, just take them to a fucking church.
Like, come on.
Just take them to the church where they can learn about what really matters.
Which is, uh, after you die, that's when all the fun happens.
I want to know how Katie Fitzpatrick feels about this idea.
Because you're not going to learn... Oh no, Katie Fitzpatrick, the one who wanted the grammar and the maths.
Yeah, well, I think that's... Reading, writing, arithmetic, and religion.
Oh, that's true.
The four R's.
That's pretty crucial.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, you know, I think, I think, I think that's it for this story.
You know, I hope, I hope, what's her name?
Sarah Leonardi.
I hope she doesn't get killed or hurt or anything.
Yeah, geez.
I hope the teacher gets to keep going to restaurants for a field trip.
Especially ones they can just walk to.
It's probably so much easier.
That's, that's probably the thing they hate most about this is thinking about having to book a bus for next year's field trip.
It's just like, you know, you know that this is going to result in legislation from Florida about like, you know, you're not allowed to go on a field trip.
Yeah.
That has LGBTQ material on it, whatever that will mean.
It has like any acknowledgement of like queerdom, like within the five mile radius.
Yeah.
They're going to build, they're going to build like fake restaurants in the middle of fields.
And what this'll just mean is, like, yeah, they'll go to, you know, some office next year, you know, some, like, insurance company that's in town, and just one of the employees there will happen to be gay, and they'll be sued into oblivion by the city.
Yeah.
No, what's gonna happen is they're gonna get a contract with, like, Cracker Barrel.
It's gonna be, that's how it's gonna work.
It's gonna be like a, you're gonna get a contract with Burger King, and you have to go there.
Okay.
And you have to buy stuff.
There's good, Cracker Barrel's food, they have food there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's supposed to be, it's like hometown food.
It's just where I go to get my rocking chairs and wooden yo-yos.
Oh, okay.
Also, they have a great ball and cup and cornbread mix.
Sick.
Well, it sounds good.
I think the kids, there's a lot of stuff to learn there for the kids.
I think so.
Cup and ball.
And buy.
Stimulate the economy.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's the episode, folks.
Thanks so much for listening.
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Oh, hey, we're really out Fucking shit Open your eyes to me In fact, don't follow me Now we're not clear I'm fucked, we're fucked From the diastasis Not a special place, though I don't care, I'm fucked, we're fucked I'm a mouth of hell Not comfortable in the world of steel Thank you, I'm fucked, I'm fucked We're fucked
I'm out of church Just a pity gang I'm a kid, I'm a Q, I'm fucked We're fucked I'm a big baby Keep this pain, no problem, it sucks No way, no way, I'm fucked We're fucked Don't make me mad I'm on my knees Oh no, not on my knees, I'm fucked We're fucked
