This week Trump gets coronavirus, conservatives try to cope, and liberal pundits chide us for laughing. Also, a former twitter CEO says companies need to do woke capitalism or get put up against the wall, further-right capitalists react, and it's all bad Support the show for $3.11/month at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get a premium feed of weekly bonus episodes, all previous bonus episodes, and audio versions of our livestreams. Music: Built to Spill - C.R.E.B.
Hey, can you hear my loud Italian mother in the background?
No.
I mean, maybe the listener can.
I think it adds to the ambiance, though.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to, like, I'm just gonna tell her real quick.
I love you, but I'm recording, so I'm gonna tell her real fast.
Okay.
Cause she doesn't know, she's never been here for this.
She's hanging out with the kid while I do this, so.
Oh, okay.
I'll be right back.
Yeah.
Hey, thanks for, thanks for, uh, taking care of my daughter while I do this important podcast at work, but, uh, please shut the fuck up.
Can you please, uh, not to, not to do anti-Italian racism, but if you could, like, you know.
Talk with your hands, the way you people usually do.
Yeah.
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-fornia today.
So stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
So stay tuned, guys.
- I'm gonna show you exactly what it looks like when the stormed deserts fall there in Barton, Tolstoy.
Stay tuned. - All right, I'm Alexander Edward, And I'm Tony Boswell.
We're Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Communist CEOs are responsible.
We're documenting it.
What's up, everybody?
It is your free Patreon episode for the week.
One of these every two weeks.
That's the schedule, apparently.
We have just, gosh, so much to talk about today.
And this episode might end up being just a long, long banger.
But I think the listener might be okay with that, considering, yes, we did not end up having an episode for you last week.
In case you missed the live reading I did on YouTube at youtube.com slash MinionDeathCult of the novel Rodham, which is, of course, the alternative First person autobiography of Hillary Rodham tackling the riveting subject of what if Hillary Rodham never married Bill Clinton but they still had graphic sex.
Beautiful fan fiction.
On that stream I explained that my software froze after we were finished recording about 90 to 95 percent of last week's free episode and I got so mad that I had to immediately rip off my shirt and take a shower.
I was already not wearing pants.
Had to cleanse yourself.
That's what I do when I get mad.
I genuinely get hot.
It's not like, oh, getting heated isn't just a turn of phrase.
I genuinely get hot and I start sweating.
You keep one of those like camping bag showers with you just in case you go aggro you can just pop that bad boy out.
Highly recommend that stream.
It was a lot of fucking fun.
That book is weird as hell.
I read hundreds of pages of that novel so I could pull the best parts of it for you the listener.
It's not just graphic sex between Hillary Rodham and Bill Clinton where she talks about how Bill Clinton's cum is better than the other guys cum.
It's also like an alternative history wherein since Hillary didn't marry Bill, his presidential campaign becomes a failure because he didn't have a woman standing by him who was strong enough to like tell the American public off for being concerned about his infidelities and or assaults.
She doesn't marry him because she thinks he might have assaulted a woman, which in and of itself is a very weird thing for a Hillary fan to write.
Because what does that say about the real Hillary?
The other thing is, he marries like a more timid woman who can't stand up to fucking Stephanopoulos or whoever's on 60 Minutes giving them the interview about Jennifer Flowers when he's running for president in 1992 and she starts crying on TV because she's too weak.
That's something that Hillary literally says.
She looks too weak up there.
And it's just a fascinating glimpse of like liberal psychopathy, in my opinion.
If you're not a YouTube person, you can also of course support us at patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult where we did do a bonus episode last week.
As well as publish the audio versions of those live streams.
So you can just listen to the live stream, live read of Rodim there, which again, this is, it might sound just like a quirky fan fiction book, but they're making a Hulu series out of it.
I can't fucking wait.
Before that comes out, you need to do your research.
And I know you don't want to read this thing, so why not, you know, just go to somebody who's gonna clear all the chaff.
Separate all the wheat from the chaff for you.
And support the show in the process.
We love you folks.
I'll tell you, I tuned in for like the last 30 minutes of it, and it was fucking great.
Like, just that little chunk, I was like really mad at the person I was hanging out with because we didn't get to watch the whole thing.
And you know what?
It was great.
It was so good.
Oh, thank you.
It was a lot of fun.
To where I actually went back and visited again because it's like that.
It's like that.
Good.
It's bizarre, and some of it's from Hillary's actual life.
The stuff leading up to where she makes a decision about whether or not to say yes to Bill, a lot of that stuff is actual parts of her autobiography.
It's just sort of in a narrative form, with some artistic liberties taken by the author, who is writing from the perspective of Hillary Clinton.
So you get to, like, you get the weirdness of Hillary's actual past deeds, such as her and Bill Clinton's first date being them doing scab labor in order to get into an art gallery that was closed for a faculty strike.
Whoa.
Like, insane shit.
Insane shit, which apparently really happened, which apparently she admitted to, and then the author was like, oh, this will be a quirky, fun thing to include in the book.
Hey, when you love the arts, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, so again, MinionDeathCult.com or patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult three bucks a month gets gets you all that good stuff.
So today, oh man, the main of we're starting off with the main event up top, which is it's always sunny in Philadelphia font.
Trump gets Coronavirus.
Mm hmm.
This is something that we had to record on and we had to record on fast because who knows who knows how long this beautiful feeling is going to last.
Something good happened.
There might not be any actual tangible material good that comes from it other than just our sick sense of schadenfreude at his condition.
You know, worst case scenario, we created jobs because his body double actually got to be put to use recently and I'm happy that someone's, you know, has employment through this.
This is like, we don't know, you're gonna be listening to this probably on Monday.
He might have made a full recovery by Monday.
Um, we did have to delay the, uh, the recording just a little bit and, you know, for like a, like a few hours.
And because we did that, oh, we got to see him leave the hospital in his black, blacked out SUV and do like a donut in the middle of all his fans and like wave behind the, uh, the, the, you know, passenger, rear passenger window.
Like he was, uh, drowning in a cabin in the perfect storm.
That's exactly what it was like.
It's funny because when I first saw it, I was like, oh damn, he's like discharged.
This is crazy.
He's like, nope, he just took a lap.
He took a lap and waved.
He literally did the fucking, the, the leader from the movementarian episodes of the Simpsons.
Like, short of like wearing a white glove and waving out the window.
But I mean, uh, What I will say again is that I don't think he did anything, but somebody did get into a car and take a lap.
I don't even need to speculate on that.
I agree that that would be funnier, or that would be cooler.
It's a cool Mission Impossible type thing to do, and I like it.
Or even a Saddam Hussein type thing to do.
I think that would be cool.
I don't even need it.
All I need are the hard facts, which is that Trump has coronavirus.
That thing that he said wasn't a big deal and has been killing regular people by the hundreds of thousands and he was at one point at least having difficulty breathing.
Those two things are enough for me.
I'm gonna let that like sustain me.
I have a buddy who got coronavirus and he made a full recovery.
Well no, I mean that's the thing.
He no longer has it.
He's now Negative for Corona, back working and everything, but he was saying like, you know, his lungs are just not the same.
He's just, he's really at like 60%.
And my whole thing is like, I just need Trump to at least have it worse than my friend had it.
Yeah.
You know, like the one who like, you know, cause I don't, you know, if he does live or whatever, I at least want him to have it that bad.
I want him to have a terrible time.
I want him to be like, I want him to, like, never be able to breathe right again.
And that's the thing, is, like, people are saying, you know, this is a bad thing, like, we're supposed to be good people, and we don't wish the bad things on people, and it's like, no, okay, so, like, your friend, Tony, like, there are people who suffered, right?
Good people, I'm assuming your friend is good, uh, who's suffered.
Great, fantastic.
Okay, there we go.
I'm assuming that there are good people who have suffered from coronavirus, Wouldn't it be better if bad people also suffered from it?
It's not going to change what your friend went through.
And I mean, if your friend is the good person, the great person that you say he is, I'm sure he wants Trump to suffer at least as much as he did, if not more.
We spoke and he does agree.
Yes, he wants exactly that.
So this is like one of the main just hilarious responses from liberals on Twitter and I will say it seems to mostly be like the pundits.
Most Democrats in like my Kamala and Biden Facebook groups, they're like laughing their asses off at Trump.
Like they love it.
They love that he's sick, which is the correct response.
If somebody bad gets sick, it's good to take pleasure in that.
Yes.
What's the opposite of bad?
It's good.
It's good.
The enemy of an enemy is a friend, so like, you know, we fucks heavy with COVID.
Like, it's not as if, like, Trump is...
Only a victim of this because somebody else was, you know, instituting structural damage to the system.
Yes.
Like, he was the one who was doing it, so at the very least he can also suffer.
You know what I'm saying?
He's like one of the few people that could have prevented himself from getting this, let alone everyone else.
And it's just funny.
It's just funny that he got it.
Like, I mean, could this situation be even funnier?
Yes, of course.
There's things that could happen in the future that would make it even funnier.
Yeah.
I mean, we're not on Twitter right now, are we, Tony?
This is like a podcast.
No, we're not tweeting out the live-like transcript of this at the moment, no.
I think it would be funny if he died.
I'm just gonna say it.
I think it'd be hilarious if he died, yes.
Like, you know what?
Hey, a lot of people have died in history, a lot of good people, and that doesn't make him dying bad.
No.
No.
I don't know how more clearly to put it.
Like, I've already, like, imagined, you know, like, his, you know, death croak as he takes his final breaths and just this kind of a camera panning across his body, like, going to, like, the heart monitor, going flatline, but Benny Hill music playing over the whole thing.
Oh.
Like, that's, that's, that's what I want.
Uh, like a little slide whistle that accompanies his, uh, heart monitor?
Yeah.
Exactly.
You know what I bet his last words are gonna be?
Oh, what?
Tell Putin I love him.
In a gay way.
Got him!
Got his ass!
Tell my wife and kids I want Putin to fuck me in the butt.
I want to make this very clear.
That's what we're in the emails.
But no, okay, what we're talking about is Rachel Maddow, for example, tweeting out, God bless the president and the first lady.
If you pray, please pray for their speedy and complete recovery and for everyone infected everywhere.
This virus is horrific and merciless.
No one would wish its wrath on anyone.
Wrong.
Wrong.
We must get its spread under control.
I have a list, actually.
Enough.
So, Maddow, I used to love Maddow, you know, years ago, back in the good ol' lib days, you know?
I was a big fan of Maddow.
Like, I listened to Maddow, like, Throughout, you know, most of the Obama presidency, whatever.
But I've obviously kind of ignored her for a while now.
And in ignoring her, I was able to not have any type of like, you know, annoyance or animosity towards her.
But the second I read the words, God bless the President and the First Lady, I was like, what the fuck?
Like, what the fuck?
Like, this is...
This is the same person you, like, cried on air when he won.
Mm-hmm.
You know, like, what the fuck?
What do you mean?
I mean, but that got, like, really good ratings.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And you see that shit all over the place with this, and it's so... every single person that's, like, We gotta pray, we gotta, it's our, you know, fuck, fuck you, shut up.
Like this, I'm sorry, I'd be, I didn't watch, but I would be, I would be shocked if like Rachel didn't open up her episode that night with like an hour long intimate or half hour long intimate like play-by-play biography of a young
I don't know, impoverished girl of color who died agonizingly from the coronavirus and then said, is this something we would wish on anybody?
Even the President of the United States?
And then you realize, like, the whole lead-up has just been to, like, you know, I don't know, set the table for her defending the health of Trump?
That'd be really good.
Well, in true, like, Maddow story, What it is, is the way, you know, because her monologues always start off with something entirely different than how they end, but she links them, you know?
Yeah.
So he tells us a huge story about this, this amazing young woman who, a woman of color who was, you know, died of the COVID and how this is tragic.
And the connection was, was in one time her family applied for an apartment in New York and they were denied because they are black.
And you know who denied them?
Donald Trump.
And even he does not deserve, deserve this pain.
Yeah.
Um, so I don't know, this is just, it's just like perfect liberal mindset because it for one, um, it really shows how they do think that this is just like a game of rhetoric.
It's just like, it's all about preserving your own, uh, moral high ground, like your own goodness as a person, like, dare I say, your brand.
Yep.
Oh, absolutely.
In this case, in this particular case, absolutely.
But yeah, in most cases.
I would say, I mean, I'm using that word cynically here to describe Rachel, but I'm saying like a lot of these interactions, you know, not necessarily around this because Donald Trump is like so hated that even he can like bring out the real politic of liberals who haven't ever done a day of actual politics in their life.
But I think it has a lot to do with the Democrats' brand, being we go high while they go low, right?
And it doesn't matter how many judgeships you lose, it doesn't matter how many state senates you lose control over, how many electoral colleges you lose, none of that matters.
What matters is that I am a good person who would never wish harm on my enemies even if literally my enemies are are uh stealing my right to control my own body even if my enemies are shooting people you know with my values in the middle of the street even if my enemies are locking up kids and and overseeing their you know the industrialized uh rape of of in you know
Undocumented people at the border.
What matters is that I don't sink to that level by getting rid of them.
Yeah, exactly.
You gotta just pretend like you're Gandhi, like you're the Buddha, like you're like, you know, oh no, it's okay, we just never do that, we can't be like them, that's what they would do, we can't be like them.
And it's like, well shit man, that's not accomplishing anything here, you just look stupid and weak.
Like laughing at illness or sickness or whatever, that's not politics.
Yeah, that's just like humor.
That's just comedy.
You know, that's that's not like a political act.
That's just like a little bit of fun, you know?
It's just it's it's like...
I would imagine if, I mean it's like Tulsi, you know, siding with Project Veritas about, you know, ballot harvesting or whatever.
Yeah.
It's just like how, what way of winning, like the only way to quote defeat the fascist is by the honorable way.
Which is voting, you know, using the rules that the other side has set up by, you know, stacking the courts in a certain way, by gerrymandering these congressional districts in a certain way.
You have to play by the rules even if you're not the ones who have, like, set up the rules.
So it's like you can't even take pleasure in like an an act of God coming along and and like helping you out because that's not like the dignified way to win or whatever and it's and it's almost like some of these people don't want to win really feels like that sometimes but it's like no we can't We can't let Donald Trump die.
We need to make sure he's healthy so that he lives the rest of his life in shame when we vote him out on November 3rd and then he definitely gets arrested and goes to prison.
Yeah, forever.
offensive move the Democrats are allowed to do is like a finger wag.
Yeah.
It's just you'd better don't, hey that's not okay that's like it that's all we can do.
We literally can't be like hey this guy who is responsible for the death and misery of so many people I I hope that you know he gets taken out by this disease.
It's not allowed.
You're only allowed to say like he's still a bad person but I'm gonna go in and pray because that's what that's what Jesus might do.
You're not even allowed to like have a gun to defend yourself from a fascist with a gun if you're a liberal like even that's against the rules you know against their self-imposed rules and it's just I it's it's like we we can't we can't hope that Donald Trump dies of his numerous poor decisions or like you know through his own faulty uh
Through his own, like, virtue signaling to his base that he doesn't need a mask or, you know, that it's a fraud and he has nothing to do with it.
We can't let him become a victim of that, you know, because that would be, like, cheating.
We have to just hope that aliens come down and zap him with an amnesia ray and turn him into a good president.
That's all we can hope for at this point.
Yeah, like you said, we gotta just hope he gets bonked in the head.
But we can't shake the tree.
It's important.
No.
You can't be the one to shake the tree that dislodges the coconut that bonks him on the head to make him forget to be a bad president.
Because that would be cheating.
You have to just hope that it happens.
Yeah, we can't even like, you know, tell the tree it'd be cool if... No, you can't even think those thoughts.
No.
Because it'd make you a bad person.
So therefore we're not.
Um, another like very weird reaction to this is the idea that he's faking it.
Yeah.
Like I sympathize with the body double conspiracy theory way more than I do the idea that Trump is faking getting the virus that he said was a hoax to begin with.
Yeah.
Because it's gonna make him look good when he doesn't die from it or something or it's gonna help get him out of the debates he doesn't want to have or something like that.
That's kind of the whole thing too is that's what makes me that's kind of what makes me buy well a couple things we could buy into the buy double thing but that's one of the things too is that damn it must have been pretty bad if he actually had like said it out loud absolutely he he was he had a hard time breathing like really it was audible or something it was pretty bad for him to say anything at all He was forced to.
I mean, because A, you know, he doesn't want to appear weak or sick or anything like that.
Like, his whole brand is about being a strong man, being a tough guy.
Yeah.
You know, and second of all, he's a germaphobe who hates hospitals.
Yes.
Like, he was transferred to a real-life hospital, a thing that he fucking hates, that was probably like...
Borderline torturous for him psychologically and physically like psychologically because of the optics of him having to be shuttled away To a hospital like a sick elderly person.
Yeah, but then also having to be around, you know Germs and that sort of like he's one of those guys who'd be like, you know hospitals one of the filthiest places you can go to And I'm not going to be the kind of person who like makes fun of him for his trauma of going into a hospital for he's like germaphobes and all that stuff.
I don't want to make fun of that trauma.
I just hope that he never has to go back to a hospital again.
Yeah, same here.
Like ever.
Same here.
I hope he can leave that hospital and never go back.
Never go back.
Okay, I don't know.
The whole bide double thing, that video of him going to the helicopter, that's not him.
I just can't believe.
Everything's wrong.
The gate's wrong, the manager's wrong, he doesn't have a huge ass, his posture's not the way it is.
That particular shot, not him.
Did you see the close-ups of that shot?
That show what looked to be a flexible tube going over his ear into the mask and what looked to be possibly an oxygen tank in his coat.
And then you can see the outline of the hose through the back of his jacket.
I mean, that's why I think it was him.
Oh yeah, you know, I guess that would have actually changed his gait.
That would have changed a lot of things.
And he was probably moving faster than he normally would, so people didn't have as long to look at the fucking oxygen he's on.
His posture seemed totally different, but that would change it.
That would absolutely change it.
Okay, anyway, just the idea that somehow Trump pretended to be sick to the point of hospitalization in order to win the election.
Like, I don't understand how that follows at all.
Like, I do not think the voters will reward a geriatric president for getting really fucking sick.
Because of a pandemic that he himself mishandled.
I think everybody who's not laughing at this is doing some form of cope.
Yeah.
It's the only way to not find this funny.
Yeah, absolutely.
Is if A, your job depends on Trump staying president.
Like, I don't know, Rachel Maddow for instance.
Or if you're like ideologically invested in him succeeding.
Like otherwise there's just, it's, this is just pure, pure entertainment.
It's pure fun.
Yeah.
Um, some of the, some of the cope here was just fantastic.
Like I saw so much cope on Facebook and Twitter.
It was amazing.
Uh, Jacob Queen on says too tuned colon.
You know, Trump has a war with big pharma space period his cure with destroy theirs period.
Add no one can talk shit now.
What, what is like, what is the train of thought here?
Like if that was the case, why would he go to the hospital?
Why would he go to his like sick-ass lab?
Because it's 4D chess to show that he, like, that's another one of the cope that I saw was the Vince McMahon meme where it was like, you know, the different stages of excitement and it was like Trump fakes getting COVID, Trump fakes going to the hospital, Trump gets released from the hospital saying hydrochloroquine cured him or whatever and it's It's like, yeah, that's totally gonna happen, dude.
That's exactly what's gonna happen, and people are gonna be like, wow, he was smart for getting the coronavirus by not wearing a mask.
And that's what this comment is referencing, is that, oh, he's faking it, or maybe he does have it, but the hydrochloroquine or hydroxychloroquine, I don't remember what the fuck it is.
Yeah, it's like liberals who say that he doesn't have it, that it's a hoax, shaking hands with QAnon people saying that he doesn't have it, that it's a hoax.
It's just two different sets of people that are completely unable to think clearly, I would say, about this issue.
Yeah.
And I just, you know Trump has a war with Big Pharma.
Yeah.
You know that.
We all know.
He's taking him down.
It's all happening behind the scenes.
Trump is actually, you know how like Trump is executing politicians behind the scenes?
Trump is actually slashing prices of pharmaceuticals behind the scenes.
And then the prices that we're seeing right now are actually just decoy prices.
Yeah.
Their decoy price is meant to distract us from the fact that the high prices actually got slashed.
Big Pharma likes to call him Crazy Donald because he's always slashing prices.
Prices so low you can't believe it.
His cure with destroy theirs.
Yup.
That's right.
My shit's better.
Add no one can talk shit now.
Yeah, and so he's just acting like it already happened.
He's, he's, he's imagined this epic scenario that he like, you know, pictures like a movie happening or something like that.
Uh, and he's like, and now no one can talk shit in this, this dream I had.
Even if he did, even if he was cured, people are still going to remember him as the president who got himself sick by trying to racism away a pandemic.
And they're not even talking about the slew of people who are going to publicly, like all the people who are going to catch this right now.
It's going to be made public.
They're all going to catch you because a bunch of them are like politicians and such.
Yeah.
Or like affiliated, you know, DC and all that.
Attorney General Barr is quarantining right now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
He just got put in quarantine.
Somebody is going to die from this.
From this particular breakout.
Somebody is going to die from this particular breakout.
Um, Tony Rooster Cogburn on Facebook said, time to make a little Melania.
She, she, she, L-O-L-O-L 10 days of quarantine.
Are there any locks on the Lincoln bedroom?
L-O-L-O-L Trump's forever POTUS.
Like, if Trump is who you think he is, he would just be like, hey y'all, I'm gonna take a week to fuck.
I'll see you guys in a week.
You know, he doesn't need to make up some thing that he's saying isn't real to make that happen.
They're picturing Donald Trump as, like, Tyler Durden, shirtless, wearing yellow dishwashing gloves, smoking a cigarette, while Melania is, like, has her legs over her head, like, in the throes of, like, orgiastic delirium, and he, like, opens the door, and he's like, that's a crazy bitch in there, and the Secret Service guy gives him, like, a high-five, but Trump, like, pulls his hand back, and he's all psyched, you know?
Like it's it's hey does that I bet he needs to ask if the bedroom has a lock on it It's like so so is this the first time he's going to have sex with Melania since moving into the White House He's got no choice now Part of this whole thing is that he's not in the bedroom Like they're not he's not even anywhere by this was before he got transferred to an actual hospital because the original plan was to have him quarantine in the White House and
In Tony Cogburn's defense, if the goal was to make a little Melania... It's so gross to think about what that is.
They would have to go to a hospital and make that happen.
There has to be medical assistance.
There would have to be some sort of oversight.
For Donald Trump to impregnate someone now, there has to be scientists and medical professionals involved.
It would legit have to be like, it would look like what happens when they try to get the great pandas to reproduce.
It would be that level of hands-on observation.
They just paint Melania to look like a panda.
I hate the phrase, make a little Melania.
That's bad.
- Oh, that's bad.
That's a bad one. - It's prettyicky. - Um, this was like, this was my favorite Cope that I saw, which was right after it was announced that he fucking got the coronavirus.
I love this.
It's the Goodfellas meme with Ray Liotta laughing, you know, laughing like a real big asshole.
And the impact font says, White House correspondent asshole reporters can't fuck with POTUS for 14 days.
Again, the mentality is...
If he is who you think he is, he will just say like, I'm not talking to anyone for 14 days, like he's actually done in the past.
Yeah.
Or his whole brand is going toe-to-toe with other media figures and openly disparaging them, talking shit to their face.
That's what he loves.
That's what he's done since before he was president.
That's what he built his fucking brand on, was having a very close relationship to the media, whether it was antagonistic or mutually beneficial.
I want to see the lib takes that are like, you know, he doesn't really have Corona, right?
You know, he doesn't really have COVID-19.
He's actually just taking a long mental health break and doing some self-care.
Uh, he, he, he's not actually, he doesn't actually have COVID.
Uh, he just needed, um, 14 days for them to be able to make a sanitary gloves small enough for his hands.
It takes a lot longer.
Custom-made hands.
Yeah.
They're so small.
I love it.
So like, oh, he got fucking coronavirus to own Jim Acosta.
Yeah.
That's so cool.
That's so tight.
I love it.
The other cope was like somebody made a fucking sign that like went on their truck that was like, even COVID picks Trump over Biden.
Oh, I love that.
Yep, that's a good thing.
When that happens, it's a good thing.
I'm not at all upset that my big, strong president got the illness he said was a fraud, was a hoax.
Also, I have the same interest this virus does.
Yep, that's right.
The virus is good, actually.
Yeah, the virus is good.
We're on the same team.
One of my favorite takes was from our girl Deanna Lorraine, Deanna for Congress, who said, could Trump catching COVID-19 technically be viewed as an assassination attempt on our president by the Chinese?
Worth it.
The Chinese are so precise that they're like, let's create this virus and let's kill so many of our own people.
But the whole thing is we're going to get the president.
We know what an idiot this president is.
We're going to get him eventually.
That's fucking ruthless.
And I love this, I love this take coming from the woman who wrote like a whole chapter of her book about having a stranger like nag her enough so that she kissed him at an airport bar.
Yep.
Yep.
And I had to remind her, I had to tweet at her, I had to say, hey, listen, like, I know, you know, you gave out this great advice about, you know, how to respond to like, high value alpha alerts, like, hey, you dumb bitch, why are you working at 10am in the morning?
Whoa, whoa, calm down.
I'm getting a little horny hearing you talk that way.
That's what I'm saying.
We're gonna have to unlearn everything that Deanna for Congress taught us with that chapter and resist the urge to respond to these alpha alerts because, I mean, You know, Tony, you're an important political figure.
I feel like I can say that I'm an important political figure as well.
Deanna Lorraine, maybe even more.
I mean, she did just start working for InfoWars.
I mean, it is for Congress.
You know, she was for Congress.
Like, she is working for InfoWars, like you said.
That's right.
So, I just feel like we all have targets painted on our backs right now.
So, just gotta be real careful about who you kiss in an airport bar.
Yeah, they could be just trying to infect you with COVID.
Did you hear that thing Trump said to Hannity the night before he admitted to having coronavirus?
No.
He was saying something like, oh yeah, we're looking at a lot of things.
Some things could happen.
Some things might not happen.
Like it's, it's very much like a, a guy, a dumb guy foreshadowing something for tomorrow.
And he was like, it's just hard, you know, it's because I think it was Hope Hicks was, was diagnosed before he was.
Yeah.
And I think they were discussing Hope Hicks, uh, her, her diagnosis, her positive test.
And he was like, it's hard, you know, the, the generals and the police officers, you know, they want to come up to you and they want to hug you and kiss you, you know, but, but you got to tell them like, Hey, no, like, you know, stay away or whatever.
And it's, and it's just sad because they know how much we've, uh, we've done for this country and how, how good, how, how good we are for them.
And, and they want to kiss you and they want to like, they want to like lick your mouth, you know, like how dogs, How dogs, like, they whine and stuff.
They're used to being able to, like, lick their own freakish owner's mouth.
And then you come around and you won't let them lick your mouth.
And so they kind of sit there and whine, you know, through their nose.
And that's what the cops and troops are doing to me.
But, you know, we have to observe the safety measures.
And yeah, I got coronavirus.
I'm going to tell everybody tomorrow.
Don't worry about it.
Well, I mean, you can't imagine the devastation you'll see in a cop's face when you, like, won't go up to them and, like, fishhook their cheek and spit into their mouth.
They get really sad.
Did you ever have friends who were like, hey, look at what my dog will do, and they'll spit on the ground and their dog will lick it up?
No!
It's like, yeah, that's not cool, man.
Give your dog water.
Your dog shouldn't be that thirsty.
Give your dog water and brush your teeth.
There shouldn't be a flavor there.
They shouldn't need water.
But that's what Trump was having to do because of the six foot rule.
He was having to spit at their feet from six and a half feet away and then they could lick it.
Yeah.
If you just, you could, if you get the arch right, you can actually just spit directly in their mouth from six feet away and in that six feet it cleans itself.
Yeah.
Before it lands in their mouth.
Yeah.
Everyone's picturing that, right?
Um, uh, this guy.
So this guy is somebody I was unfamiliar with, but he's obviously very popular on Twitter.
He's like verified.
It's got like 140,000 followers or some shit.
I don't know who he is.
He's like some right wing guy.
Um, He tweeted out something like, God, we've sunk so low as a nation when people are saying like, hey, it'd be really funny if Trump died.
And he's like, you know, you know, like all these freaks, all these like genocidal right wing maniacs who have been like making jokes about Nuking Iran or making, you know, helicopter memes about the left or like, I don't know, raising $500,000 for Kyle Rittenhouse.
Yeah.
Like all these absolute, like, murderous ghouls that our show is named after.
have suddenly found like their their sense of of beauty in all human life since uh the fucking president through his own dumbass actions uh got sick and you know he said something like you know it's a dark day for america when this is what i'm seeing and then you know he also like Said I think I'm gonna quit Twitter because I'm so sad for the president.
We're like no don't go One thing he said I went through a lot of this guy's tweets just because they were so fucking funny He said one that was like, you know if Melania was Married to a Democratic politician.
She'd be more popular than Beyonce.
Oh What?
What?
What do you think?
First of all, what do you think?
Who do you think Melania is?
She's the white Michelle.
Name one wife of a Democratic politician.
Also, do you really not understand who Beyonce is?
She's a Democratic operative.
She's a sexy lady Democratic operative, just like Melania is a sexy lady Republican operative.
You know, I mean, honestly, I don't want to hold out.
Maybe one day, maybe one day, Beyonce could be the wife of a Democratic politician.
Aim high, women.
Yeah, she's gonna be the new Mr. Anthony Weiner.
I was saying Jay-Z can run for office.
That's what I was saying.
Oh.
You think they should stay together?
In this joke, you know, they would choose Jay-Z, but obviously they would really choose Beyonce because she's far more like, she has a way better demographic for getting people to vote for her.
I honestly forgot they were still married.
I forgot that they were married to each other.
They released multiple albums about their struggle and their journey and their growth and they're lovely, so.
Idea for a novel.
What if Beyonce never married Jay-Z?
Oof.
Well, we'd have, like, two hundred millionaires instead of one billionaire couple.
Tight.
We can dream.
But anyway, one tweet that's, like, pertinent to this from Caleb J. Hull, whose display name is Kelb Hull.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know what Kelb... I don't like it.
Kelb is weird, dude.
Yeah.
How come you got Caleb for, like, your ad, but you're using Kelb for your... the one you can change to whatever the fuck you want, including Caleb?
I don't know.
It's even weirder than the name of that fuckin' built-to-spill song, CREB.
I think CREB is, like, at least an acronym for something.
Yeah.
Kelb is a... and he's spelling it with a K. It's gross.
I don't like it.
Yeah, Caleb Hull says, Oh, give me a break.
Chris Wallace is on Fox News talking about how Biden wears a mask more than Trump.
And it's suggesting Trump had this kind of thing coming.
Well, I mean, statistically, like, What all the studies were saying is, yeah, he has it coming.
He has more of a chance of getting it.
I don't care about the numbers.
I don't care about the statistics.
If you're blaming Trump for contracting coronavirus because he didn't wear a mask, you probably would also blame a victim for what they were wearing on the night they were assaulted.
Or in this case, weren't wearing.
Oh, was the mask?
How tiny was the mask he was wearing?
How much could you see?
How much was exposed?
How much of his face was exposed, huh?
Maybe he deserved it.
Well, yeah, if your mask is a bit too revealing, if maybe things are hanging out of it, hanging out the top.
It's called easy access.
For the virus, exactly.
That's just a great take.
Oh, you're acting like preventative measures could have prevented this.
Weird.
That's bullshit.
Don't do that.
I think Deanna Lorraine did another tweet and a couple other people were like, pretty suspicious how only Republicans are getting sick.
It's like, yeah, that's definitely suspicious.
That's definitely not the logical fallout from everything you guys have been, you know, infecting each other's brains with for the last eight months.
Idiots.
So strange that these people who... It's almost like... You know what?
I think that COVID is probably like a commie.
I think what it does is I think COVID infects you and makes you stupid.
It makes you more likely to get it.
That's true.
So it's like a little bit of a parasite at first, and then it opens up the gateway for the COVID.
It makes you dumb.
And then you forget your mask all the time.
You forget to wash your hands.
And then you kiss your buds at a nomination announcement.
And then you get COVID.
A person with my favorite display name that I've ever seen Replied to this tweet their display name they they seem to be a Military member I'm going to say and judging by their display name I think that that intuition is correct because their display name is American flag Biden called me a stupid bastard American flag
And that's just, like, such an alpha username to have, to complain about an old man who, like, who genuinely got one over on you.
Who, like, genuinely owned you on TV.
Called you a stupid bastard.
It's very cool to bring more attention to that.
And it's even funnier because it's, like, it's even better than Obama called me Clinger.
That's a good one, but like stupid bastard is much more visceral.
I like that a lot.
I don't remember that.
Did he do that?
Did Biden call vets stupid bastards?
It's funny because they promoted this like right after Trump was supposedly calling the vets losers and idiots.
Yeah, idiot losers.
Somebody found audio, I can't, I don't remember if it was new or if it was older audio that resurfaced of Trump like introducing somebody or referencing somebody in front of the troops.
He was like giving an address to the troops and he references somebody and then he says to the troops, hey clap you stupid bastards.
Oh yeah, I like that.
Yeah, I like that.
So that's all the troops.
That audio is incredible.
I fucking love that audio.
That is like genuine alpha energy.
That's like he owned those troops there.
And if you clapped after hearing that, then I'm sorry.
You agreed to the compact that you got owned by Joe Biden.
It's like, hey, Ace Finger says what?
And you said what?
Yeah, that's it.
That's the rules.
So somebody had also said like, oh yeah, and the whole family, Trump's whole family attended the debate without wearing masks, like even though the rules said you had to wear masks.
And somebody replied and said, oh, this is what that actually looked like.
They were physically distant from anyone that isn't in their family.
You know families don't need to wear a mask around each other, right?
And it's funny because that's like that's it's that's not true it's it's members of the same household who are like sleeping in the same bed or in adjoining rooms don't have to wear don't have to like socially distance they still have to wear masks uh but they don't have to like socially distance uh From one another because assumingly they've already been coming coming to contact with each other, but it's like Ivanka and and Donald Trump jr.
I'm pretty sure aren't sharing a bed together like as freaky as this family is What's funny about that too is they're doing the opposite of what the Dems would do.
The Dems would wear a mask in a moment when you probably don't even have to wear it to be like, hey, you're supposed to wear a mask.
And they made the choice to not do the thing that optically looks better.
They made that decision.
Because optics would have looked better for the pandemic if they would have worn the mask regardless if they needed it or not.
Not for his base, in general.
And what I'm saying is they know that.
So they did this, they did not wear the mask, and it had nothing to do with safety.
Not wearing the mask had nothing to do with them thinking like, oh, well, we're safe right now.
It had everything to do with optics.
Yeah, I mean, they just wanted to do the thing that Trump's been doing this whole time, which is signaling to his base that the virus is fake or overblown and we don't have to wear masks.
Cheryl responds, nah, she doesn't know that, so somebody else, the person who criticized the Trump family.
Nah, that person doesn't know that.
She's the kind that takes a dog for a walk with hubby and they both are wearing masks.
Oh, do they don't get it?
If you're taking the dog for a walk, you gotta wear a mask.
Yeah, no, but they're married.
Yeah, I guess maybe if you're not, like, kissing your wife, then you have to wear a mask when you're around her.
You know, maybe if you're not getting it wet already.
So, if you're walking your dog with your wife, you just gotta constantly be making out.
You have to, like, only be staring and spitting on your own wife.
You can't be pointed in any other direction.
No, no way.
Your dog was going to guide you though, so it's fine.
So, I don't know, this is amazing.
No matter what happens tomorrow, we always had the moment where Trump got coronavirus.
Nobody can take that away from us.
That's done.
It's in the history books.
And you know, not a lot of good things happen.
I don't expect anything better than what we've been talking about to necessarily happen.
So I'll just, I'll take it, you know?
I'll savor this.
I'll suck on it like a gobstopper for as long as I can.
I mean, all I know is this does show that he is Fallible.
uh-huh we've been waiting for that moment to to see that contract disease and we know that and um you know just kind of just uh opportunity you know let's get creative sure i mean you know okay so moving on to uh the next segment of the night
Just a wonderfully bizarre bit of news, which is, I'm reading the headline from the Post Millennial here, which is, former Twitter CEO fantasizes about executing capitalists.
And the Postmillennial, I believe, is like the publication that all the young little fascists write for, like I think Andy Ngo writes for this.
Yeah.
I think, like they got that one little epic 13-year-old girl who called Contrapoints a faggot or something to write for this magazine.
Yeah.
This, this is an amazing piece right here.
The tweet, I'll read the tweet now since it's embedded in the thumbnail image of this guy who looks an awful lot like Jeff Bezos, but just with glasses.
Dick Costolo.
Had you ever heard of this guy?
No.
I'd never heard of it.
I just thought it was Jack.
I thought Jack was a Twitter guy, but I guess he's a different Twitter guy.
He's former, former though, so.
Yeah, I've only ever known about Jack.
I think Jack was like the creator, you know?
He should be the CEO, in my opinion.
Dick Costolo says, me first capitalists who think you can separate society from business are going to be the first people lined up against the wall and shot in the revolution.
I'll happily provide video commentary.
Cool, dude.
Hey, us too.
Yeah, I'm here.
If that's what you need, I got you.
That's like the most epic thing as like a tech Silicon Valley guy you can say.
I will happily blog about it when it happens.
I'm gonna read here.
This is by Mia Cathal.
I don't know, probably another young, uh, Nazbol or something.
Uh, the former CEO of Twitter stated that those who reject woke politics, quote, are going to be the first people lined up against the wall and shot in the revolution, and he'd happily provide commentary.
Uh, doo-doo-doo.
He has 1.5 million followers on Twitter.
Okay.
Conservative commentator Michael Cernovich called out for Costello violating blah blah blah teacher teacher.
Look what this man said.
I mean, you know it's bad right away because they're giving any credence to what Mike Cernovich says.
So, like, it's automatically a bad thing from a bad place.
I'm trying to get to the good stuff.
This is all just, like, tweets about, like, you know, how dare you, sir, from Mark Dice.
Let me go pee real quick, then.
Okay.
What are you watching?
I was watching a video of somebody talking to a Seattle cop who said he was resigning because he was tired of Black Lives Matter.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
Is this fucking Seattle PD guy who was like, Hey, congrats, you won.
I'm done.
I'm done.
I'm fucking sick of this shit.
That's so sick.
And the guy was like, oh, you're resigning?
He's all, two months, baby.
I'm fucking out of here.
The guy was like, oh, so you're, cause you're tired of police brutality?
He's like, no, I'm tired of you guys.
That's fucking tight.
A win's a win, I guess, you know?
Yeah.
I mean, even that person is definitely gonna go, he just wants to release, you know, the restraints that wearing a badge actually gives him in public.
I mean, I guess if he really thinks that's true, then he's got bigger problems.
Yeah, no, he's definitely gonna be part of the armed militia that's gonna be on the other side soon.
I guess, man.
I think he'd probably get better results by staying a cop.
Yeah, he doesn't know that though.
Okay, so...
What started this, like, thread about, oh, Me Too Ca- Me First Capitalists, sorry, excuse me.
Uh, Glenn Beck, when he was reporting on this, he read the tweet as, Me Too Capitalists are gonna be the ones put up against the wall.
Which I thought was a funny, uh, Freudian slip.
But, yeah.
Me First Capitalists are gonna be the ones to get the guillotine.
Uh, this is, like, in a response to, uh, the CEO of some other company, fuckin'...
Coinbase, which is like, what do you call it, like a cryptocurrency?
It's so nuts that there's cryptocurrencies we don't even know.
Like, how is that a thing?
I don't know.
I got no answers for you on that.
I'm a big dummy when it comes to that stuff.
No idea.
So we're not going to be unveiling the Minion Death Cold cryptocurrency anytime soon?
Yeah, the Minion Death Coin?
I don't think so.
I mean, if somebody wants to do it for us, we'll allow it, you know?
Tech companies used to welcome... so this Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong said something like released a statement about how he wants to foster like an apolitical... What's up over there?
He wants to foster like an apolitical culture at their workplace meaning he doesn't want to like have to say Black Lives Matter or he doesn't want to have to Like, put out a statement about, you know, gender equality in the workplace or whatever, saying that the company would not engage in, quote, broader societal issues or entertain staff discussions about political dialogue, quote.
Most folks want to work in an environment free from today's vitriolic politics, added entrepreneur Jason Kalacanis, pointing out that Coinbase will lose support from passionate pundits, but they will gain a massive influx of talent that wants work to be about work and work only.
A Twitter user then agreed, asserting that the vast majority of workers desire to be effective and support professionalism in the workplace.
Quote, this will be rough for people who want an activist job on a tech person's salary, but life is about choices.
If you want to get paid to be an activist, join a non-profit, he said.
And then that's when the former Twitter CEO, according to the Post Millennial, called for the assassination of free-thinking individuals who seek a work environment free of politics.
That's exactly what he said.
That's verbatim.
He fucking rules.
I have a t-shirt with him on it now.
So there's just like so much I want to talk about with all of this including like what prompted Dick Costolo's absolute death threats against Silicon Valley enlightened centrists.
I think maybe I kind of want to start off with his comment.
It's very funny because obviously he's not calling for their murder.
He's just saying like Capitalists who don't do like uh race training or what you know like sensitivity training in the workplace there they'll be the first ones up against the wall which itself is like incredibly stupid an incredibly stupid comment to make as if having like having to go to like a seminar from your boss about how to like
You know how to be a better employee by being non-racist or whatever your boss has paid like a hundred thousand dollars to a consultant to tell you what non-racism is or to tell you how to treat your co-workers as if the absence of that is going to like facilitate the revolution in any way?
Is is an incredibly funny idea.
Oh, I didn't get I didn't get woke scolded by my Silicon Valley Dracula boss, so I'm gonna put his head in a guillotine.
It's very fucking funny to me.
Or the idea of it's like, wait, you know, I don't know if you've seen those, those new Amazon commercials, but they're very inclusive.
They're very inclusive.
They feature people of all kinds of abilities, backgrounds, you know.
And that's why Jeff Bezos will ride this one out.
Exactly.
He's not going to, he's going to be at least, you know, fifth, sixth on the wall, not first.
And it's funny because this is just like a battle, like what we're seeing right now is just a cultural battle between capitalists who think it's prudent to give lip service to Black Lives Matter and capitalists who think all Black Lives Matter people should be gunned down in the streets.
Yeah like that's that's the that's the battlefront right now and it's like it's very funny that uh this is the war that's being waged is between a fucking millionaire bill uh maybe millionaire i don't know what this dude is
hundred millionaire who's like trying to shame the bad capitalists or whatever and yeah and using like epic guillotine memes while doing it like that is very funny that's like i mean that's the logical end result of all of this you know like
Kids on Tumblr, you know, like, using, like, um, the, you know, trying to, like, shame their, their high school friends with, like, whatever, uh, whatever asexual flag they need to fly, or whatever, and then businesses eventually adopting that, and it's just, it's, it, you know, very hollowly, of course, it's just moved on to now,
Like, the former CEO of PayPal is going to be tweeting out, like, gritty memes and shit.
Yeah.
And this really is just buying time.
It's just saying, like, hey guys, you didn't see my tweet?
I did a pretty killer tweet that's talking about exactly this moment.
And according to my tweet, I have your back.
Check it out.
And it's just like, yeah, like, I mean, backlash is, I wouldn't say it is inevitable.
You know, I wouldn't call it a revolution, but I would just call it like a, you know, a violent backlash is probably inevitable.
Sorry, I'm trying to get my phone to stop freaking out.
Okay.
And also look at docs.
But I would say it maybe might have something more to do with like getting evicted from your home because you haven't been able to work or maybe you have been able to work but you haven't made enough money to, you know, feed yourself or your family.
Maybe your family gets shot by a police officer for no fucking reason.
Like, I feel like, you know, gets shot by a police officer because the cop was using some proprietary software developed in Silicon Valley to tell the cop that your dad had the the type of nose that a criminal has.
Exactly.
That might lead to what you're talking about maybe more than like having inclusive language in your masthead.
Yeah, because we're not going to know about that.
We're not going to know about the interpersonal politics of a workplace.
We're just going to know the exterior impact of your awful capitalist agenda.
That's all we're going to know.
We're just going to know that you're using chips that are made on slave labor, and you're not paying your textile workers enough money in LA.
That's what we're going to know.
Yeah, the chip that we all get embedded in our palm malfunctioned when I clocked in this morning, so I got docked half a day's pay.
Yeah, yeah.
Like that's the shit that's really gonna make a difference in people's lives and it's just it's funny that these people who Dick Costolo is like rightfully, I don't know, warning I guess is what I would call this tweet.
They're saying, oh you know workers just want a workplace free from politics.
They just want to go in and make whatever money their boss decides to give them for as long as they're instructed to work on that day, you know.
However many days of the week they're instructed to come in.
And they don't want to have to deal with politics.
It's very funny.
It's very funny that, like... I don't know.
I mean, you gotta be in a pretty... I don't know.
It's just American culture in general not to see workplace as politics.
It's like it's it's all of it.
It's the whole thing where They don't merely mean that what they really mean is we don't want anybody advocating for themselves or Advocating for the people that we're shitting on they don't mean anything They don't have a politics at all And we don't want to have to even pay the lip service because it makes us feel like cucks even though we're all millionaires And we're all controlling the almost entire politics of California as it is and Yeah.
The whole thing is about, like, I don't want you to get the idea that you deserve more rights than I'm giving you.
Um, 2k Mario.
So this is on the, uh, you know, Fox Business also did a article about this.
If Trump hadn't been in coronavirus, if Trump hadn't gotten coronavirus, this would have been like the number one story on the right wing.
It was already extremely popular on the right wing.
Like, Glenn Beck did an hour on it, basically, you know, of his show.
2K Mario, these are all from the Fox Business comment section.
And it's so, it's so, one of the greatest things about this show is like...
So, you know, I'll toot my own horn here a little bit.
I can see a story, not that it's that hard, I can see a story and be like, oh, there's going to be some great responses to this.
Like, I can look at a story and be like, oh, this is going to have legs on the right wing and this is going to, like, bring out some interesting responses.
But I can't really ever predict what those responses are going to be.
He's never going to be there.
I just know that people are going to react to this and sometimes I can like call individual responses or try to find those individual responses if I want.
But these are like examples of just unforeseeable, possibly unforeseeable responses to this.
All one comment section.
From the Fox Business Website's comment section.
2kmario says, Tech companies used to welcome lively debate about ideas and society.
So they're quoting the former Twitter CEO there.
They say, and the internet was supposed to provide unfettered and uncensored access for expression of ideas.
But now, quote, tech has imposed one-sided censorship against thought expressed that they don't personally agree with.
If anyone should be lined up in front of a wall and offered blindfolds, I say let the leaders of tech be first.
Geez.
I love this.
And it's like, isn't that the same thing that the Twitter CEO said?
That's the same thing.
Isn't it the same thing that we're supposed to be clutching our paroles about?
And yet this comment has 2,300 upvotes.
This is like one of the top two comments.
Top two or three comments.
And it's like, no, the internet wasn't developed to provide unfettered and uncensored access for the expression of ideas.
It was there to, like, share scientific findings and statistical information from different labs.
You know, it was originally invented as, like, you know, something... What do you call it?
Like, productive?
Yeah.
And it's just, it's the reason that you think like, oh, you know, the Internet's bad or whatever.
It's not because leftist CEOs have taken over it.
It's because capitalism has taken it over.
Like what you're complaining about is private ownership, private companies that don't have to serve the people, that don't have to offer access to everybody.
They're not obliged to do any of that.
So I don't know.
Why don't we fucking nationalize Google?
Why don't we nationalize Twitter?
There is no shared space on the Internet that someone doesn't have the biggest call on ever.
Every single space on the internet is a domain name, which is a sense of property, which means you can kind of dictate what does happen there.
And we see that everywhere with, you know, like, Twitter, you know?
Okay, cool, so you're not allowed to, like, wish... We're not allowed to cheer for COVID right now.
So yeah, this is such a bullshit, dumb idea.
The internet is not covered in the Constitution, bro.
No, and it's like, I can't just get a website, I have to have money.
I have to have money, I have to have some sort of intellectual property in the form of a domain name.
I can't just get a website.
The websites that you can get for free, quote websites, are like your page on Facebook, or your page on Twitter, or your Google account, or whatever.
And those are all by virtue of private corporations who are willing to give you that stuff for free in exchange for the sales of your online purchasing habits.
Yes.
For your information, which is not valueless.
the next comment was again the next one i saw was like again just kind of um Like, I could have predicted the one that was like, hey, we should kill this guy.
He says we should kill these other people.
No, we should kill him.
Like, I could have predicted that one.
Yeah, absolutely.
This one is not so easy.
Ameripat2 says, These massive corporations should be banned from entering and contributing to politics.
I was wrong for the Supreme Court to give corporations the status an individual has.
If we the people want control of our own country again, these national and multinational companies need to be removed from the political process.
Wow.
It says 140 upvotes.
And I was like, I was like looking at this and I was like, is this like a left guy?
But the name is Ameripat.
And they're not talking about removing corporations from politics.
They're talking about keep your wokeness to yourself.
No, they're talking about Citizens United, dude.
They're talking about revoking Citizens United.
That's literally what this is.
I was wrong for the Supreme Court to give corporations the status an individual has.
This is corporations are people, folks.
They just are.
This is him saying, We gave corporations too much power by allowing them to have unfettered access to politicians or whatever.
Now, I think what you're saying, maybe what you're alluding to, Tony, is even if corporations weren't able to give unlimited sums of money to politicians, they would still be able to buy up the internet like they've been doing.
That's just capitalism.
That's just the private market existing.
Um, so it wouldn't solve all our problems, but it would be, it would be a massive step towards, uh, you know, writing, uh, at least like slowing the sinking of this ship.
And it's very funny that it took, yeah, like Twitter saying we should have inclusive language, uh, in, in the, the form that fires you, uh, that AI, that AI, you know, uh, uh, what do you call it?
The form that AI populates when it's firing you to make sure it gets your correct pronouns or whatever, that's like a step too far.
So yeah, we should revoke Citizens United, I think.
Damn, I forgot about that whole, like, AI program that Amazon instituted that, like, fires people that has no, like, human interaction between them.
Yep.
A real thing.
Or the AI program that mimics a fired employee to try and teach HR people how to, like, stifle their own sympathy when they're firing people.
That's incredible.
Yeah.
We need to develop an AI for someone you're trying to evict so that landlords can practice.
We'll make all the money.
Yeah, yeah, just like a sex doll for the worst people in society.
And it's not even like a pedophile's child sex doll that might possibly prevent them from hurting somebody.
It's just like, no, it's to hone their skills.
It's to make them more effective harmful people.
Dingbat Thomas, again, amazing take here says, it is unthinkable that a guy who reached the upper echelon of management as a CEO lacks introspection and is such a hypocrite.
So that's just the first sentence, right?
That's amazing.
That's it's how could this person possibly have risen through the ranks and what we know is a meritocracy.
We know that you have to have earned it.
You have to have been the best and the brightest and the most effective to reach CEO status and yet he's saying all this kooky shit.
That's very funny.
And then also he goes on, without capitalism there would be no incentive to improve one's socioeconomic standing in life.
Get out of here.
I mean... This is a brain-melting sentence.
Like, this sentence flattened my brain like a hot iron.
It's just like, okay, read that back to yourself slowly, man.
You might actually catch on to something here.
You might maybe get something here.
Without capitalism, there's no incentive not to starve to death, because you already have food and shelter.
Without capitalism, there's no incentive to like, you know, live on the backs of others.
Without capitalism, then there's no incentive to have capital.
So funny, dude.
Without capitalism, what am I gonna do with all this money?
There would be no need for Twitter to gain followers in order to increase visibility to attract advertising dollars.
Like, how many people are on Twitter versus how many companies are on Twitter?
Now, there's a ton of companies on Twitter, right?
I'm not trying to say there's not.
How many, what percentage of people are actually trying to make money on Twitter?
I would say less than half.
I would say significantly less than half.
And it's just funny that, like, we wouldn't even need Twitter if we weren't all trying to, uh, you know, uh, hyper-focus our ad reach with the target demographics in the first quantile of 2020.
Like, what?
Yeah.
Twitter is a place for posting the pig poop balls meme at people you don't like.
Yeah.
That's what Twitter's for.
Twitter is the place for me to be able to go yell at public figures.
I'm never going to see Deanna for Congress in real life, right?
Twitter's the place for me to be able to go yell at public figures.
No.
I'm never going to see Deanna for Congress in real life, right?
No.
I mean, hopefully.
You do fly places sometimes.
I can still give her, I think, helpful advice via Twitter.
And I'm not making any money off of that, I'm just hopefully bettering the world by making sure she doesn't kiss an agent of the Chinese government.
We just, yeah, we don't want her to, like, get sick like that.
Yeah, beautiful stuff.
I think, what are we at on time here?
One more here, just time for one more.
Walter Tobias Frankfurter says, imagine the irony if that ex-Twitter CEO is one of the first shot in the revolution.
Again, like wouldn't be that ironic.
And it's, one of the things people were saying was like, You know, these leftists are such hypocrites.
They'll actually kill all these millionaires as soon as they're done helping them.
I think, yeah, it's just, it's funny, like, who do they think is the foolish person?
Do they think, like, do they think that the millionaire is foolish for helping the leftists when the inevitable left revolution that the millionaire is definitely facilitating?
The millionaire is definitely going to help make that happen.
They're foolish because they should have known that the leftist scorpion was a scorpion when they gave it a ride on their frog back across the river.
Which, by the way, now is a good time to segue into our ad.
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I hate that whole thing, that whole just like, The left's being funded by the Soros's of the world.
We talk about it all the time, but it's just, it's maddening.
It's maddening that none of that is remotely true.
I wish that all the bail money didn't have to be used on bail and we could use it to do things like this, but unfortunately all the money the left has is coming from average people, working class people, even people who, you know, make no money.
Yeah.
Is going straight to things like bail funds and defense and supplies and medical aid and rent for people who have been evicted at all.
That's where any of this money that's going around the left is.
We're not getting any money for this stuff.
No one's getting any money for posting a guillotine meme.
No one's getting any money for showing up to a protest.
But that exact shit happens every day on the right.
It's that exact thing.
It's mind-boggling.
Well, it's the same thing we talked about with the Proud Boys versus Antifa.
Yeah, exactly.
But I actually saw a video.
So a lot of what I've seen about in the Black Lives Matter, this era of Black Lives Matter, is people saying, oh, where's the money going?
All the money is going to Democratic politicians.
And I was like, I don't usually engage with these people, but I'm just like, where's that meme?
Like, why do they?
I mean, I'm sure there are some grifters who are like, if you donate to my campaign, I will personally like go out and make sure your rights are heard on the streets or whatever.
Like, I'm sure there's a few people like that.
It's not the majority.
I was like, cause I've only ever given money to like bail funds.
I've only given money to like bail funds or to rent like you said like rent funds and I was like where I was like where did this meme come from just kind of curious about it and it's like all over the Joe Rogan group that's like all they say is just Black Lives Matter is a fundraising tool for Democrats right and then I finally saw a video that had like you know seven million views and it was a guy who went to the blacklivesmatter.com website clicked on donate
Which takes you to an ActBlue donation form, like, form to fill out, right?
For people who don't know, ActBlue is like PayPal, but for politics.
And it's specifically for, like, Democratic or Left or Progressive politics, right?
But when you pay money through ActBlue, you're like just paying whichever charity you're paying.
Like, it's just set up through ActBlue.
It's like a PayPal, or it's like a service in that sense of the word.
But what he did was, he went, okay, now look at this.
This is through ActBlue.
Now look at ActBlue.
And he goes to Wikipedia.
And this is all him, like, you know, filming his computer screen with his phone.
Like, it's that level of shit.
And he goes to Wikipedia for ActBlue, and he describes exactly what I just told you, that it's a fundraising tool for progressive organizations.
And then he goes, okay, now let's go to ActBlue's website.
And he pulls up statistics for all of ActBlue's fundraising, in aggregate, all of it, and it's like, look.
20% of it goes to democratic infrastructure.
30% of it goes to democratic campaigns.
I love it.
And he's like, I'm not making this up people.
This is right here.
You watched me click.
There was no trickery here.
There was no editing here.
And it's like, well, yeah, obviously we don't think you know how to edit a video, but that's like, that's what they're doing there.
It would be like me going to PayPal or me going to Patreon and being like, Look, look at this.
All this money, this money that Patreon takes in, it's going to their CEOs.
Whoa.
It's going straight to Patreon.
And so when you support Minion Death Cult, all the money that goes to Patreon is going right to CEOs and capitalists.
Yep.
Yep.
That's the, and so that's what they're talking about when they say, oh, you donated to Black Lives Matter.
You got fucking tricked, man.
You just donated to Nancy Pelosi or Maxine Waters.
Which I mean, I will say, if you're gonna donate to Black Lives Matter, like, donate to your local chapter because the monolith that is the organization that is like Black Lives Matter will not necessarily affect your local community, so just reach out to your local community and your local organization.
Yeah, that's not to vote, vouch for the national organization.
Yeah, yeah, not at all.
But still, that's, what a dumb, basic ass assessment of that.
How stupid are you?
Yeah, it's just very like, you know, internet illiterate, technologically illiterate, and you go viral on Facebook that way.
That's how you do it.
So the rest of this comment is, Republicans prefer our revolution.
So he's talking about like, aside from the CEO revolution, which wants to see capitalists shot in the streets.
Absolutely.
Uh, Republicans prefer our revolution at the ballot box.
Changing the world, like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King.
Both who were Republicans.
See you in November!
I remember, that's my favorite part of the I Have a Dreamy Speech.
Is where, you know, every boy and every girl can grow up to vote.
Mhmm.
That's it.
We need to vote.
I want every young boy and every young girl to go out and rock the vote.
You will go out and you will rock the vote and you will be heard and we will end this racism.
Through the ballot box.
I have a dream where we will live in a world where we are judged not by the color of our skin, but by whether or not we have left the democratic plantation.
By the dangling of our chads.
That's for the OGs out there.
So it's very funny that we invoke Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King as Republicans for obvious reasons.
Very funny.
It's also funny that they were both like, like Martin Luther King was a socialist.
He was an outspoken socialist.
And Abraham Lincoln, who regularly conversed with Karl Marx, looked up to Karl Marx.
And also, the fact that neither of these people, like, are remembered for their electoral work.
No, not at all!
Abraham Lincoln ending slavery at the ballot box.
We all remember that.
The great election of 1865 that ended slavery.
He was like, we don't need a war, we need a proposition.
And then also, yeah, Martin Luther King.
That long voting march that they went on to vote.
That was just a walk to the ballot.
Yeah.
Um, so yeah, just good.
It's just good stuff all around.
Uh, this has been a fun episode.
Uh, thank you so much for listening.
Again, apologies for last week, but we got bonus content over at patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult, where if you support the show, uh, you will get a bonus episode every week, including a bonus episode from last week.
It was very good, uh, all about some bougie Seattle residents who tried to call the cops on a man who was hunting a goose during goose season.
And the cops didn't come according to Como News because they are going to be defunded next year.
Yeah.
They didn't come to respond to a guy whacking a goose with a walking stick because they're too sad about Black Lives Matter.
Yeah, exactly.
They're just too bummed about it.
Very bizarre, funny takes from people who apparently... from the right wing who apparently hates hunting now.
Who apparently hates meat-eating now because the cops were somehow the victims in all of this.
It flies in the face of every old guy's rule, roadkill is dinner, t-shirt, cartoon, calendar meme.
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