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Sept. 9, 2019 - Minion Death Cult
01:22:32
Black People Are Woman of the World

This week we examine Jay-Z's philanthropic endeavor with the NFL and their mission to make inner-city Chicago youths listen to Real Music instead of (c)rap Also, Joe Biden bleeds from his eyes and MAGA facebook is surprisingly sympathetic. Music: @CountCaleb - Black Democrats Support the show and get bonus content at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult 

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Time Text
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get yourself.
All their environment is coming.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Joe Biden's left eye is responsible.
We're documenting it.
What's up everybody?
Thank you for tuning in for another episode of Minion Death Cult.
Big news today.
Have a huge announcement to make.
The winners of the Minion Death Koozie Patreon giveaway.
We drew three names, we put in Uh, an extra turn for a listener who knows who they are for, uh, doing us a favor.
Sadly, that person did not win.
However, the winners are Corey Gingrich, Sean Adams, and Clint Swearington.
So, congratulations, folks.
your drinks will now be extra horrible, but they will be a little bit cooler and they would be tactile and adorable.
Um, and also they might like, you know, they might scare people.
Um, the Q one is actually fitted.
So if you want, you can put a little camera in there.
Uh, okay.
So, uh, your page, your address should be in the Patreon.
If it's not, I'll contact you via Patreon, so keep your eye on that inbox.
And thanks everybody for supporting the show.
Got a lot of subscribers the last couple months.
We appreciate all your support, and we will be continuing to do Patreon giveaways.
I like doing them, they're fun.
We try to give back to you guys in more ways than just the bonus content we gruelingly provide on a weekly basis.
Yeah, thanks for supporting us.
It's really great and really encouraging.
Really beautiful.
We're recording this right now on September 8th, Sunday.
A lot of talk right now about the NFL.
There's been a lot of things going on with the NFL.
It's opening weekend, I believe.
People are winning, people are losing.
I'm not paying attention to the NFL because I live by a quote from one of my favorite songs.
Because I stand with young Mr. Colin Kaepernick.
I don't pay attention to the NFL because if every nigga in your clique is rich, then your clique is rugged.
Nobody will fall because everyone will be everyone else's crutches.
So we're going to support each other and we're going to stand strong and that's how we're going to be because we're rugged.
That quote was by a Mr. Jay-Z.
Hob.
Mr. Hova.
Hova.
H to the O-V.
He used to move snowflakes by the O-Z.
But now he has teamed up with the goddamn devil, the NFL, under the pretenses of charity.
Totally ignoring everything that so many people in my mind have worked so hard for.
People are still out of a job.
Even though it's just weird because I'm like, yo, just learn how to play hockey or something, bro.
You could probably do it.
You're like an athlete.
You're like a natural athlete.
Yeah, he's half hockey, I think.
Yeah, I think, why doesn't he go play baseball?
I feel like he could play baseball.
That's a thing, right?
He should Bo Jackson that bitch, like, just do it.
You know?
Agreed.
But, um, yeah.
I think baseball is easier.
Jay-Z, in a really weird move, decides to donate a lot of money to the NFL, work with the NFL, to, for, I guess, under the pretenses of a non-profit.
He decided to make a lot of money from the NFL.
Yeah, exactly.
So he just made a lot of money under this joint venture.
Everyone thinks it's a genius business move, but it just sucks, man.
He's already super rich.
He should be standing in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick.
I believe he should be.
Just the Black Lives Matter movement in general.
In general, yeah.
So he does this, and then some people are like, okay, whatever.
It's under the guides of A non-profit.
Well, one of these clubs is called the Crusher's Club.
And the Crusher's Club works with, you know, quote, inner-city young men, young black men, helps rear them, helps guide them to a professional, successful life, taking them off the streets and putting them in school seats.
Um, and some of the optics from this group are just fucking horrible and the definition of colonizer and the definition of just like, like stripping identity from people.
Just like a total lack of awareness that comes with this much privilege.
We have to shout out Resist Programming for finding all this stuff on Twitter from the Crushers Club Twitter account.
Yeah so Crushers Club they do this thing where part of the parts of like the evolution of the man is to cut the dreadlocks.
To cut their dreadlocks.
There are these images of this ghoulish looking white lady.
This lady she plays like the freakish like spirit lady who turns out to be dead the whole time in the movie and has been like sucking the souls out of like students.
Like that's who this lady is.
That's what she looks like.
And it's her cutting dreadlocks off these young black men.
These young Chicago youth saying like, we are now a new man, now like a good man, now man worthy of all these things because you don't have dreadlocks.
Yeah, the exact quote is, and another crusher let me cut his dreads off.
It's symbolic of change and their desire for a better life.
Because, I mean, hey, you know, if you want to achieve great things in this life, you have to make sacrifices.
You have to, you know, work hard, go to school, and cut off any part of your body that is offensive to white people.
Yeah.
Mind you, we're taking aesthetic tips from this woman who is wearing this, like, t-shirt, this pink, heather pink, t-shirt jersey this is rebel on it with like a foil silver 18 on it but this is over like a button-up shirt like a button-up dress shirt like a tuxedo shirt she's wearing it over that we're letting that person tell these young men what kind of aesthetics are appealing
Well, I think maybe we're not giving her enough credit.
You know, the optics of this are bad, but if you look at that pink and yellow shirt that looks like, I don't know, Laffy Taffy, you'll see that it, yeah, it's a jersey, a fake jersey that says Rebel on it.
And I think that this is her, like, knowing that if she actually wore a confederate flag, that might look bad.
So instead she just opted for the more subtle rebel on the front of her shirt.
Yeah, low key.
Low key.
It's just insane looking.
And now, I do want to say, there is a little bit of There is a little bit of truth to what they're doing here.
In the streets of Chicago, dreadlocks do mean a lot more than other places.
But that doesn't mean that You can continue to have them and not assign that to them anymore.
Dreadlocks do have a certain connotation in the streets of Chicago.
Can you elaborate on that?
Because I don't know anything about that.
A lot of gang culture in Chicago, everybody has dreadlocks.
If you're in a gang in Chicago, dreadlocks is the hairstyle of choice.
I mean, I can see why it's a cool hairstyle.
It looks great.
Chief Keef's dreads are so long now.
They're so long and so beautiful.
So yeah it is the choice of a lot of gang members in Chicago but it's also the choice of a lot of black men in Chicago who are not affiliated with gangs at all.
So like yeah I get what they're trying to do they're trying to like taking them away from the streets whatever whatever but they don't understand that like That is just a hairstyle.
It also is a direct symbol of your commitment and dedication because maintaining that and making it look that good is not that easy.
It's a commitment.
It's dedication.
It's work.
It costs money, you know?
But they're just like, oh no, you gotta cut it off so you can get a job.
I think it's funny the idea that a Chicago police officer would ever hesitate shooting a black man because he didn't have dreadlocks.
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah, exactly.
That's never saved a life.
Yeah, that's never... Yeah.
I just, you know, I want to put my perspective in here as a white person.
I think it's, like, even from my perspective, there's an obvious double standard here, you know?
Like, if black people cut off their hair, oh, they're looking for a fresh start.
But if white people cut off all their hair, oh, they're racist?
Exactly.
Suddenly a Nazi just because you have a bick to your head?
Yeah.
Man, I had to point out to a friend today that the skateboarder, they posted a picture of Jay Adams on their feed.
And I was like, oh man, bummer that dude's a Nazi.
And he was like, wait, what, what?
What do you mean?
How do you know that?
I was like, I don't know, the swastika on his chest and the baked head?
What the fuck?
The combo does it.
I was like, that's what makes him a Nazi.
He's like, oh, good to know.
He's like, uh, actually, uh, it's not 1940 anymore.
The Nazi party disbanded the fall of the third, the fall of the third Reich.
Uh, maybe he's a Buddhist.
Yeah.
He's just always doing like, uh, half handstands, walks around at an angle.
It sucks though.
Cause, um, it, it, it almost does look tight cause it's made out of skateboards.
If you got to go with a swastika, that's a good way to go with it, I think.
Yeah, they didn't cover when he joined the Aryan Brotherhood in the movie, uh, Z-Boys and Dogtowners.
Imagine how dorky it would look if it was a swastika made out of rollerblades.
Some fuckin' dork shit.
It's out there, man.
It's gotta be out there.
Corny shit.
Like, boots making the shape of a soul grind.
You actually could make a swastika with skates pretty easy.
You just need four skates.
Yeah, yeah.
It's done.
Cool.
Put that idea out there.
Just go ahead and have that one.
Not only do you rollerblade, but you're also a Nazi.
Now we definitely don't have to like you.
This is like some deeply psycho shit.
Like, this is very, I mean, this is like... Yeah.
There's some psychology going on here with this ghoulish woman standing proudly holding the sheer dreadlocks of her victim.
Yeah, like, the thing is, you know what?
Yeah, if you want to get rid of your dreadlocks, do that.
Let's take you to a barber.
No, I'm just gonna cut them off with these scissors I had in this drawer.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
She did not give him a fade.
He had to walk somewhere looking terrible.
He had to walk somewhere looking terrible.
Yeah, it's the walk of shame.
It's the walk of shame.
Instead of walking home from a one-night stand at a dormitory, you're walking home from the fucking crusher's house with your head cut to shreds.
Yeah, from the crusher's house.
Oh man yeah it's it's so gross like the whole thing and she has this weird sneer.
Like I said she in this movie she's using their dreadlocks and like sucking the essences out of them and she's been living for thousands of years off of the dreadlocks of young black men.
Did like Hotep Twitter have a collective aneurysm at this image?
I mean basically what's funny is yeah people were like yo this is like terrible optics.
You guys know this looks like trash right?
Even though the young man came out and was like yeah no no I asked her to do that.
It's like, yes, I'm sure you did bro, thank you, but just know how bad this looks and you gotta back yourself up with that.
How did two separate people, because it's happened at least twice, probably more, how did two separate people ask her personally to cut their hair on camera for her Twitter feed?
Yeah, they had a conversation where she was like, so are you going to cut your hair?
And he's like, no, I don't want to cut my hair.
And she's like, well, do you want a job?
And he was like, what are you trying to say?
And she's like, if you want a job, you've got to cut your hair.
And he's like, well, fuck, I guess I've got to cut my hair then.
And it sucks.
The whole thing sucks.
There was no effort to say, hey, who you are is beautiful and capable and who you are deserves everything that you're going for.
They say, hey, actually, you need to change a pretty vital part of yourself.
Like, this woman in the picture, she has very long, like, I'm sure people think it's beautiful, long orange hair that she's probably very proud of.
Yeah.
Like, probably very proud of.
And like, if we were like, hey, you can get a job if you cut all your hair off, she would never do it.
There's no fucking way.
No, because she owns her own business.
She doesn't have to, you know, she doesn't have to submit to everything she subjects other people to.
I wouldn't hire her with that hair.
You know, you're complaining about these black men getting separated from their hair, but you know who else is separated from their hair?
Our troops.
Overseas.
Yep, exactly.
I don't hear you complaining about that.
They're getting paid for that, though.
I think you... I hope you better be able to have dreadlocks in the military.
No, no way you can't, huh?
There's no way.
I don't know.
I saw somebody say you could.
I don't give a fuck.
Fuck the military.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As a person without dreadlocks, I say I don't care about that.
Yeah, this is crazy.
So it's, it's like, it's Jay-Z partnering with the NFL, Roc Nation specifically partnering with the NFL to do all the fucking entertainment shit.
So he's just, you know, this is like a contract.
Oh, but also we're going to slap some social justice on top.
And, um, Somebody asked, like, you know, how does Kaepernick feel about this or whatever, and the literal quote from Jay-Z is, we're past kneeling.
We're past kneeling.
It's time for action.
It's like, bro, where are you living?
Like, you've been rich for a minute, bro.
Like, that happens.
They get rich for a minute and they fucking forget.
Yo, this kneeling shit, we're done with it.
We're gonna do real action.
Like, give this old white lady $200,000 to shave black people.
Yeah, it's so wild.
So wild.
And like, the thing is... The thing is, he probably did not... I don't think Jay-Z had any awareness of this club doing these things.
I don't think he had any clue.
But that's also part of the problem.
He was so willing to part with that much money... To try to get that much money without digging deep into it and seeing what he's really putting his money towards.
And like, that's just irresponsible.
Yo, we're... Go ahead.
Like, I'm just saying, I don't think he knows, like I said, I don't think he knows about this, but he also should have.
Yeah.
I mean, if he doesn't know about it, I don't know.
Whatever.
This lady sucks.
Her whole organization sucks.
But I just love the idea, like, we're past kneeling.
It's time to take some action.
And it's like, well, what are you going to do?
Oh, we're going to give black men reverse Gattaca surgery and make them shorter so they don't scare me anymore.
Yeah, exactly.
We're actually going to pitch their voices up.
Some other shit from this Twitter feed.
Again, thanks to Resist Programming.
Crushers Club on Twitter says, Praying for police victims in Dallas.
Let's use this to come together, not to be divided.
More all lives matter.
United we stand, divided we fall.
Oh, no.
They also tweeted, uh, thank you for constantly speaking out for Chicago and those of us working against gang violence.
We need Trump to help us.
Sad to say we need a curfew while we address our current crisis of gun violence and need and we need prayer always, so.
Crusher Club asking for a curfew for its members.
It's basically saying to black men in Chicago, y'all need to go to bed.
Yeah, y'all need, yep.
This is actually, they should have got him on board for that.
Yeah, Terrence K Williams.
He would never go to Chicago.
Terrence K Williams is going to spend 10 years growing out dreadlocks just so he can have this chick cut him off to prove she's not racist.
He's gonna glue some in.
He's gonna print some in and letter cut them.
Fuck, I would love to see that.
I'm just gonna, every time I see him now, I'm gonna picture him with like taped on dreadlocks.
It's only not racist because it's Terrence K Williams.
And you can't be racist against white people. - So, do you wanna get into these likes from the Crushers Club Twitter account?
They're called the Crushers Club because they're fucking crushing it.
Just covering all the bases.
All lives matter.
We love me some police.
Like, oh my goodness.
Somebody found, like, the likes from this account, and it's all fucking Donald Trump tweets, Don Jr.
tweets, and Candace Owens tweets.
So they're diverse.
They're diverse, yeah.
They're diverse.
They liked a tweet from Donald Trump Jr.
quoting some account called The Big Day out now, so The Big Day is probably a movie.
The original tweet said, Black people don't have to be Democrats.
Donald Trump Jr.
said, It's always incredible to watch a cultural shift happen in real time.
I respect those willing to take the lead breaking with convention.
That takes guts.
Though there's a better word for it.
And then he put two basketball emojis, which I believe means black balls.
That absolutely means Afro-American testicles.
That's for sure.
If you type in the words Afro-American testicles, two basketballs just pop up.
Yeah, on your iPhone.
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
And like, I hate that statement because it's irresponsible.
They need to follow up with that.
Black people don't have to be Democrats.
Absolutely.
Never catch me being a Democrat.
I learned my lesson.
But, yeah, that's not the answer either, bro.
Yeah, when you leave the Democratic Party and go left, instead of leaving the Democratic Plantation, it's leaving the Democratic Temp Agency.
You know, I respect Donald Trump Jr., though, because the first time he did two crack rock emojis.
And then he was like, no, crack rock, jump shot.
Let's do the jump shot.
People might think that that's a choking victim reference.
Yeah.
Candace Owens, a tweet that... I'm not going to read that one because there's more Candace Owens tweets that Crutchers Club liked.
Like this one where Candace Owens said, Jewish and Asian Americans have made significant economic gains in this country with hardly any political representation in the government.
When will the black community learn that black politicians do not equate to black progress?
When Candace Owens says Jewish, it sounds like when white people say blacks.
It sounds like blacks when she says blacks.
Yeah, it does sound like blacks when she says blacks, absolutely.
What's the implication here?
Oh, these other minorities did well.
Why aren't you black people doing well?
Like, how does that criticism exist if you don't acknowledge systemic racism?
Yeah, exactly.
Because otherwise you're calling black people stupid or lazy.
Like yes, Jewish people and Asian Americans were discriminated against, but arguably there have been far more structural impediments in place for the black community.
Not to mention the fact that to be black in America, you're born here, likely into an impoverished Household and or community whereas you know if you're immigrating here from a place like Asia There's a much like higher barrier of entry You know you have to be you have to have money you have to have more things just to get here in the first place It's that weird thing where like
Certain upper middle class people in America are very upper upper middle class wherever they're coming from because they can afford to do that and like that's a big leap but um that yeah anyways it's like she uh it's just it sucks because she's also not wrong because you know a lot of our Black representation in office right now is not the tightest.
Cory Booker sucks.
Kamala Harris sucks.
So she's not wrong, but it's also being used in this way that's not helpful and totally missing the point.
Yeah it's like don't it's it's a weird like self-victim blamey thing it's gross I hate it.
Yeah I just I don't understand what the argument is here because it's like we're talking about welfare or food stamps uh Jewish people and Asian Americans in a certain income bracket also have access to those you know that that that welfare so it's not the welfare state that is keeping this particular minority group down like she would allege This other tweet is great though.
Again, liked by the Crusher Club Twitter.
From Candace Owens, for far too long the conversations about race have been dishonest.
We have pointed the finger at white people while ignoring the tracks that lead straight back to our own dependency on government.
A government policy won't fix black America.
Drug dealers don't sell sobriety.
So, comparing black politicians to drug dealers in order to not be racist.
Addicted to crack, black democrats.
Addicted to crack, like black democrats.
Oh my god, what the fuck was that man?
It's so good.
It's so wild.
So fucking good.
Like that fucking picture that goes along with the tweet too of him just like looking off like this.
Oh I don't know he just looked like a fucking nerd to me.
I didn't look too hard at it.
Oh yeah totally but it was just like a very dramatic picture but so funny.
It's this thing it's like they see there's a problem but they're just like so far off base and I like this whole you know when you point a finger there are Four other fingers pointing back at you.
I mean, technically it's three, because the thumb isn't a finger, technically.
Yeah, it's a digit.
It's a digit.
It's a degenerate.
It's a gent.
It's the rebel finger.
It's really bad death core.
Yeah.
I wonder what about this tweet that says, for too long we have been blaming white people when it's really our They're probably having them read this.
They're probably telling them this.
It's so scary.
Some things in Chicago's water, man.
They're probably having them read this.
They're probably telling them this.
Oh, it's so scary.
Chicago, something's in Chicago's water, man.
I mean, like, they're responsible for Kanye West and this bullshit.
You know?
It's wild.
Your whole thing is a charity, right?
If you're Culture Club, whatever, Crusher Club, your whole thing is charity.
You are giving back to the community.
It's just a private organization as opposed to the federal government.
The criticism here from Candace Owens is, uh, dependency on government.
Dependency on another.
Well, who are all these kids that are coming to your privately owned charity to depend on you?
Is that also bad?
Why is it good?
Because you're making money off of it.
Yeah.
It's weird.
It really does feel like some sort of, you know, Pre-private prison type feel?
Yeah, I mean, it's definitely an attempt to privatize welfare.
Yeah, it's pretty gross.
So, people are upset about the optics.
And then, of course, people were upset because people were upset about optics because people love to tell black people how to feel.
It's a crazy phenomenon.
So, yeah, people are upset.
And then in the responses to this article about how people are upset and how maybe it's silly that people are upset, people got upset about it.
And they had some suggestions, and it got wildly racist.
It got so racist, like beyond what we're used to seeing in a comment about how racism isn't real.
So anyways, CallMeFatAndStupid says, and this is harsh.
This is a fucking trigger warning.
Um, did she spray that nappy hair with some DDT insecticide like plantation owners used to do?
I hate everything about this comment so, so much.
Everything about it sucks.
It's just completely inaccurate.
That's not a thing.
Well, they didn't use aerosol spray back then.
Back then, it was like a salve.
The DDT.
Insecticide.
Yeah, what the fuck, right?
It's like, what... And I saw a lot of comments like this.
Things about, like, how dirty it was.
How dirty the dreadlocks are.
And how they all probably had lice.
But the thing is, we talked about this on the show before, but typically, African American hair, we don't get, we don't get lice.
We don't get, like, hair bugs.
That's, like, kind of a white thing.
And, um, it's funny that all the comments had stuff like this.
Like, oh, it's so gross.
It's this gross hair.
But it's like, actually, no, it's not.
It's, um, it's really pretty clean and doesn't have bugs.
But everyone insisted, like, oh, you gotta sanitize yourself.
Yeah, like the hippie movement really set back the idea of dreadlocks for just decades.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
Absolutely.
But yeah, it's uh, so that was like just a lot of that stuff was really funny to me just because people just don't, they just don't know.
Like I've been in a house where I had, I was living with my aunt and my uncle and my three cousins and everybody in the house got lice.
Except for your boy.
Hell yeah, dude.
Moral victory.
Yeah.
Except for your boy.
And the best part was, there was this air of, like, I bet Tony brought him in.
I bet.
He built up an immunity to him.
I bet Tony brought him in.
Yeah, he brought him in and then got immune to him.
And I did.
I put him in a little jar.
Unleashed him.
I mean, you might think that makes, like, your hair superior.
I just think that it proves that white people's scalps are tastier.
are more nutritious.
That's all.
That's just great.
That's just great.
Yeah, just what an awful, like, putting your modern racism and making centuries older racism even worse.
I also like that they think that they had any type of caring about the hygiene of slaves.
Yeah.
Like, you're so far off base.
Like, you're so far off base.
That's, no, they don't, they don't care man.
Like, you know, slaves, slaves were like machinery and like you don't always change your oil, do ya?
You know, it's like that's how, that's how bad it was and you're making jokes about cleaning the hair with poison.
This next one is great.
Yeah, just keeping it really real.
FuckAntiWhiteHarveyLevine says... Great username, by the way.
I think it's Harvey Levin.
Yeah, Harvey Levin.
The fucking host of TMZ.
Yeah, he's anti-white.
You don't know that?
This is such a good...
And this is from the TMZ comment section.
Such a weird effete grievance to have against a TV producer.
Oh, this guy who follows celebrities around harassing them is actually an anti-white cultural Marxist.
In reality, he's just working out and talking shit about Paris Hilton or whatever.
It's funny because, I mean, a lot of people would argue, myself included, that he's actually, like, not very good for the black community because he likes to, you know, make spectacle out of us.
Anyways, he says, blacks, hate you!
White people, with a deep passion, only curable by your enslavement or death.
Vote Trump 2020 or prepare for your chain fitting.
Hell yeah, dude.
What the fuck?
Is there somebody who I'm not aware of who's running under the pretense that they're going to enslave white people?
Oh yeah, Pete Buttigieg.
Fuck, I gotta vote for Pete Buttigieg?
Yeah, you gotta vote for him now, dude.
Aw, man.
That sucks.
Okay, well, it's worth it, you know?
Yeah, I mean, you are a passionate people, and your passion for enslaving white people knows no bounds.
That's the fear.
That's a real fear that some people have.
It's like, well, I wish that they operated into that fear in a different way, where they were just, like, really kind.
Sure.
In an effort for, like, you know.
Be more effective, I think.
In an effort to, like, not enslave you.
Yeah.
It's like, I mean, I've been reading these comment sections for years, and from everything I've read, slavery wasn't that bad, so I don't know what they're complaining about.
Yeah, it's not that, they got to sing songs.
Three meals a day?
Not really.
Yeah, yeah.
Housing?
Not really.
Yeah, vote Trump 2020.
I did hear that Trump did promise not to enslave white people.
I mean, if he made that promise, he better stick to it, you know?
So there's that.
I don't know if I can trust him, though.
This vote Trump 2020 or white slavery, it's similar to that viral meme about how somebody talked to their neighbor and told them that it was Trump 2020 or socialism.
Those are your only two options.
And I mean that was like motivating to me to get to the polls to vote against Trump but this, I mean this is another level.
Yeah.
Vote Trump 2020 or prepare for your chain fittings.
It's gonna be like a nice like come on down and we're gonna go ahead and just take a caliper to your ankles and you know see if you have any allergies we need to know about.
Yeah, so this next one, we're just reading the last paragraph because it's long and kind of boring, but you can sum it up, sum up the first part if you want to.
Yeah, the first part's great because it's that whole, like, black people should be grateful that slavery doesn't exist because white people stopped slavery.
It's such a good argument.
We've had it on the show before, but I still love it.
It's like, yeah, sure, I hit you repeatedly in the face for a hundred years, but who stopped hitting you eventually?
Who's the one who stopped hitting you?
We live in a world where I'm wearing your shoes now.
I also, I posted this on the social media, but just, I saw a fucking conversation that was like either the Galaxy Brain meme or the Yu-Gi-Oh card meme in real time between several people.
And it was, somebody had posted, if Germany can atone for the Holocaust, America can pay reparations for slavery.
And one of the comments said, 64, you know, 640,000 dead, reparations paid in full.
And it was a photo of the Civil War, or like a painting of the Civil War.
Yeah.
And then somebody else responded, Civil War wasn't about slavery, but okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so then we do pay reparations now?
Like, it's so good.
It's so fucking- it's just like, yeah, let them fight.
Let them fight over whether or not the Civil War was about slavery and that's good, or the Civil War wasn't about slavery and that's good.
It's like they don't factor in the part where, like, they were also fighting for slavery.
Like, that was simultaneous.
Yeah, you can't include half of those deaths.
Those don't count.
You still owe for those ones.
But then Robert, after saying you're welcome for ending slavery, goes on to say, discussions of race relations in this country are like going to a marriage counselor.
Keep going.
I'm following you so far.
And only what the wife says is accepted, because the husband is a man.
Hell yeah, okay.
Yeah, so just basic marriage counseling.
And I think black people are wives?
Yeah, a black is a woman.
Interesting.
But I mean, you're familiar with that famous Yoko Ono song, black people are the woman of the world.
Yeah, I remember that one.
That was a banger.
Blacks will not listen to any white person when it comes to race because they believe they own it all.
Interesting choice of words.
Until both sides are heard, aka his side, it will never end.
Yeah.
This guy, I'm assuming this guy doesn't want his wife to work.
Wants her to stay at home all day.
So what exactly is he asking of the black community here?
It's so weird.
Also, what is this sad thing going on where you have some unbalanced marriage counselor?
That's not cool.
Yeah.
We should maybe talk about that in the next session.
This sounds like a disgruntled dad.
Yeah.
Definitely a disgruntled dad.
Yeah, blacks will not listen to any white person when it comes to race because they believe they own it all.
I mean, if you're, like, in America basically, yeah, black people do have all the race.
Mexican-American brown people have some of the race.
Asian-Americans have some of the race.
But black people do have most of the race.
And you have to defer.
You have to defer to their experience with all the race.
And just remember, it's all about the map.
It's all about where you happen to land, you know?
We could have this conversation somewhere else in the world and it might not be the same, but we're having this conversation in America.
He also references how there's like, oh, there's still, there's not slavery in the U.S.
anymore, but there's still slavery in other places.
A, neglecting to mention that America was one of the last countries to outlaw slavery.
Fucking clung to it for dear life after Great Britain had left it behind.
And second of all, yeah, the reason, part of the reason there's still slavery in Africa is because of a little thing called Western Intervention in the form of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
Yeah.
Like, the reason why slavery in Africa exists is literally because you had to get a fucking diamond and some gold.
That's literally why, so think about that.
So yeah, fuck that shit.
This whole thing is another response to, God, why are black people so upset?
And then they just say the most egregious shit, and that's like, this is why we're upset, bruh.
Yeah, racism is dead.
What are black people complaining about?
Also, you have nappy hair that has bugs in it.
Also, blacks refuse to listen to whites.
They refuse to operate under biblical guidelines of marriage.
Yeah.
I love this next one.
Texting first?
Yeah.
Yeah, texting first.
So remember the young man in the picture, one of the young men in the picture came out and said, you know, I wanted this to happen.
Like I still say, I think he was steered that way to say the least.
Says, good for this young man for coming to the defense of this lady.
But if white people must constantly walk on eggshells around black people in fear of offending them, then perhaps diversity isn't the strength it's been portrayed to be.
Maybe it's time to end this integration experiment and go our separate ways.
Holy shit.
Good for this young black man.
But if we have to be so sensitive around you, maybe you guys should go back to having your own water fountains.
Why are black people so sensitive?
I have to constantly police my own speech.
They think I'm racist for no reason.
So we should just, um, deport them or execute them.
Yeah!
It's so... And also, this integration experiment, like, how old do you think this person is?
Judging by their avatar, their Spartan Texas flag avatar, they're probably 33, 35.
Yeah, I would say maybe a little older.
I think maybe a little older.
The Spartan imagery is permeated.
It's part of the broader right-wing culture now.
I don't think that this person was too old when integration happened.
You know?
That's what I'll say.
It could go either way.
But yeah, it's just so fucking gross.
And it's like, man, this is really showing your cards here.
Oh, totally.
This is really saying how you really feel.
Well, and it's funny because he's talking about like, oh, the integration experiment.
Oh God, I have to watch what I say all the time.
I'm seeing all these complaints from black people online.
Like what?
You think if you send black people back to Africa, they're not going to have the internet anymore, dude?
You think you're not going to have to deal with black people on Twitter?
This feels a lot like when my mom, when I was a kid, would say, oh, I'll give you something to cry about.
Yeah.
You know?
It's pretty lame.
So we've heard from the more obvious racists.
We've heard from just like the people willing to let it all hang out.
Let's hear from a liberal on this subject.
This, uh, was in the Washington Post comment section.
The person's name is RussiaIsARedState2.
Which, uh, could go a couple ways.
It either means they're Republicans in Russia or they're Communists in Russia.
Yeah, it's... depending on where it's being posted from and where they were born, I think maybe.
And their avatar is of a chimp in a MAGA hat.
Yes.
So, uh, this is a lib.
This is a shit lib right here.
And they say, I see from reading the other comments that most of us tend to agree with the fact that hair is hair.
So sounds pretty good so far.
I would agree with that.
And then the second, second sentence says, if we were unaware of dreadlocks, holy status, please forgive us white folks.
Thank you.
That last part, I think it was genuine too.
I don't think... I think the last part... No?
You don't think so?
The holy status?
He would have said religious status if he was... if he was being sincere.
I don't... I think they still equate religious with just Christian.
No, because what he's saying is, the first sentence where he says, oh, I thought that hair was just hair.
Now, I took this to mean black people shouldn't be judged for having dreadlocks.
Hair is hair.
But what he means is, it's no big deal to cut your fucking hair off, people.
It's just hair.
It's just hair.
It'll grow back.
It's no big deal for the person you're depending on to get a job to hold a pair of shears over you and grab your mane.
Yeah, it'll grow back.
It only took, I mean, in the pictures, those are at least five-year dreadlocks.
all of them, you know?
And it's like, damn, that's a lot.
Yeah.
Just, just get over it.
It's not a big deal.
It's just a little hair.
And it was funny because a lot of the articles were like, you know, you can correct me if I'm wrong, Tony, but a lot of the articles were like, well, dreadlocks are a symbol of a Rastafarianism and of like, uh, tradition and this, and uh, tradition and this, and maybe tradition, I don't know, but it's just seems to me like that's missing the point.
Like trying to frame it as a religious issue.
And it's just like, no, it's just a fucking hairstyle.
It's a natural hairstyle that people take care of, you know?
And, And to try and say like, oh, this is, this is like carving out a special interest for people with the religious affiliation of dreadlockism is pretty stupid.
Misses the mark, in my opinion.
Absolutely.
It does totally, like you said, it assigns this whole other thing where it's like, no, it's just a, it's just a haircut.
I'm not like a, you know, practicing Rastafarian.
Also, I don't fuck with Rastafarianism at all.
Like that, what about that aspect?
You know?
It's like, no, this is just how I like to have my hair.
It's what works for me.
It's how my hair works naturally sometimes.
You know, it's like, fuck off.
Like, this is just who I am.
Yeah it's and yeah you know often it can be you know if someone if it's part of their spiritual being yeah but even just anybody that's had long hair at all like anybody who's ever had long hair when you cut it it's a big deal you know yeah I was like some of the same some of the same like people who are posting in this are like having bangs a bang struggle in their head right now where they can't decide if they want to have bangs or not Okay, to help white people understand, um, picture this.
You're 13 years old.
Korn's Issues has just been released.
You've spent, uh, 45 minutes using Labella Gel to make the perfect Liberty Spikes.
And you walk into class and your teacher has a Nokia flip phone and she says, we're cutting your hair off so you can get an A in this class.
You're like, but I just bleached them!
Just bleached them, teach!
She says, no, this is so you can get a job in my classroom.
Wouldn't that feel a little bit like racism, white folks?
You know I actually got expelled for a haircut once?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, I got expelled from summer school at Sanji.
That fucking rules.
I was still a little punk rock.
Uh-huh.
My hair was dyed like red.
Yeah.
and um I had like red tips um man that was a that was a hell of a year um yeah I had like red tips and they they like expelled me from so they said they said you can't come they like didn't let me finish summer school that's fucking crazy Yeah, so they kicked me out of summer school for, like, hair.
And I remember, like, being really upset.
That's crazy, because that's, like, white hair.
It's like our hair.
How dare they?
Yeah, that was my first thought.
I was like, and I was a little shit.
I was like, hey, listen, some of these girls aren't really blonde.
Like, come on, let me do this.
That's a good take.
Yeah.
It didn't age well, but it's what happened.
In elementary school, I got a referral because, I don't know, I guess you had to be there.
But what we did was this girl had glitter lip gloss, like frosted blue glitter lip gloss, and we used it in our eyebrows.
We used the lip gloss applicator, which was like a brush, and I put it in my eyebrows, so it spiked my eyebrows and also gave them this cool blue glittery sheen.
Tight, tight.
I got a referral for expressing myself in that way.
That sucks, man.
I got a lot of referrals.
That sucks so bad.
So it's okay.
Yeah, but that sucks.
Now I'm thinking there's a world where Alex might not have been scared to wear a little eyeshadow.
It just bums me out.
I want that.
Yeah, that's all.
I'm gonna blame that on him.
I'm sorry your teacher quelched you.
Yeah.
So, we've gotten overt racists, like white identitarians.
We've gotten a lib.
Let's see how the business community feels about this.
James Daniel Rogers says, I'd never hire an individual with dreadlocks, whether they're black or white.
Especially white.
I'm going to go ahead and cosign half of that.
Yeah, this is like the opposite of that meme.
It's like, you had me in the last half, not going to lie.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm kind of cool with that, but it's a weird line to draw there, James.
I love this.
I don't discriminate at all.
I don't hire anyone with dreadlocks.
Oh man.
It sucks.
It reminds me of that comment we got.
One of my favorite comments.
We've done so many of these that I can't possibly remember all my favorite ones.
So I love it when something like this comes up and reminds me of the blistering hot takes we've had on this show from commenters.
And it was the one about the gay wedding cake.
It was something about that.
And somebody was defending the bakery owner and they said, it's not discrimination if you refuse to sell cakes to all gay people.
Yes.
Yeah.
Which is an amazing bit of logic that I'm still trying to wrap my head around and I love it.
Yeah.
It's no, I'm not racist.
I'm not prejudiced.
I won't hire anyone with dark skin.
What's funny too is a lot of this is being passed under the guise of like cleanliness I guess but say you know the only time that applies is in like food service you know and I've gotten a sandwich before and pulled a long blonde hair out of my teeth but it ever been like eating a burrito and just like hacked out of dreadlock?
I mean- Like, that doesn't happen!
The thing is, like, I mean, even when customer service interactions or whatever business wants their employees to be presentable or whatever, but I've never had a problem with somebody with dreadlocks.
Like, I've never... I've never smelled them, you know?
I've never, like, seen a cloud of dust rising from them.
I think it's okay.
Yeah, it's not a thing.
It's not a thing.
Man, I accidentally did a racism via dreadlocks to my mans Keith.
Shout out Keith.
He was wearing these sunglasses and he was like, oh do I look cool?
What do I look like?
And I was like, oh dog, you look like Eddie from Tekken.
He's like, not everything is Eddie from Tekken man.
He's like, why you gotta go straight from Eddie from Tekken?
Turns out if you have a certain build in dreadlocks, people always tell you you look like Eddie from Tekken.
It's a compliment.
It's a great video game.
I was like, I always picked him, man.
It was either him or the Panther.
I'm not racist.
I play as Eddie from Tekken.
It's like when people tell me I look like Sinbad.
I can't remember who, have I ever told you you look like anybody?
I'm trying to remember if there's anybody.
There's those twins.
Who are those comedian twins?
Yeah, there's the Lucas Bros, but they're skinny.
Okay.
You know which one I don't mind because I kind of feel like I kind of get it?
I forget which of which, and this is terrible, but I think it's Miro.
Desus and Miro, Miro.
Um, I've gotten that before.
Okay, you're okay with that one?
Yeah, he's funny.
He's funny.
He's, like, handsome.
He, like, I don't know, he's a thick boy like me, so... When you're white, you just get every white person.
I've gotten, like, every single white actor since I've been a child.
Yeah.
Do you get Jared Leto?
No, I don't get Jared Leto.
I mean, I think you might have told me that once, which is awful, and I hate you for it.
No, I get everybody.
I don't even like Jared Leto, but I love you, so that's weird.
Yeah, OK.
All right.
You want to hear my lib response to, I'd never hire an individual with dreadlocks.
Please.
My lib response to that is, oh, so you wouldn't hire Bob Marley, one of the greatest musicians ever?
No, I wouldn't, man.
I can't afford all those kids.
I can't support that.
I can't pay him enough.
Whether they're black or white.
Okay, so you wouldn't hire Sway from Gone in 60 Seconds?
You saw how good she was at boosting cars?
There was a white person with dreadlocks on Gone in 60... Oh yeah!
There was THE white person with dreadlocks!
Oh my god!
She totally had dreadlocks in that!
Ew!
Dude, I was so in love with that look when I was like 12 or whenever that movie came out.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Yeah, I I'm guilty of one time before I before I knew better Before I knew better having a crush on a white woman with dreadlocks Well, she had a lot of carryover goodwill for me from the movie Gia Yeah, I was already primed, you know to appreciate her I No, she's just alt, it's cool.
The only white people that can have dreadlocks are gutterpunks.
Craig, again with the business community.
As a business owner, my preference, this is in the New York Times comment section.
As a business owner, my preference is for employees to be clean, dress like an adult, and to speak and write in a grammatically correct manner when interacting with vendors and clients.
Anything less is lazy and disrespectful.
This is simply my opinion.
And I want to say, first of all, you're talking about writing grammatically, speaking grammatically, yet you don't include an Oxford comma?
Wow.
Wow.
Fuck them up, fam.
And I mean, I know whether or not to use the Oxford comma is a matter of taste or editorial style, but still, it looks a little cringe, dude.
Yeah, it looks a little amateurish, to say the least.
That's just my opinion, though.
I just love that he derived that dreadlocks are none of these things.
Dreadlocks might make you incapable of any of these things.
Um, and again, this is from a business owner, just like we had previously.
I'd never hire an individual.
As a business owner, my preference is for not black people.
Yeah, basically.
This is simply my opinion.
Oh, okay.
It's cool.
It's just freedom of speech when you're discriminating against your employees, uh, for having a certain hairstyle.
A natural hairstyle, you know?
Yeah.
Um, and that's, that's why it's just, it's so funny when people say, oh, it's just my opinion.
As a Republican lawmaker, I think women shouldn't have access to birth control.
That's just my opinion.
It's like, well, what happens when your opinion denies other people basic human rights?
Is it okay to criticize it then, or are we still hiding behind the fact that it's your opinion?
Well, I don't like I don't blame them though because it's just like natural like survival instincts You know, you don't want to really bring anyone into your fold who can perhaps like alpha you and as we all know You know certain people men get their power from their hair And that's all dreadlocks are all like Super strength and so you're gonna bring this person to the fold who at any moment can just alpha you You don't want you it's just self-preservation
Yeah.
So you have to weaken them.
You have to find the Achilles heel, which is usually their hair.
You have to find the Achilles heel, which is the Samson hair.
Last comment here, also from the New York Times.
No says about, again, the criticism leveled against this organization.
My, we are so touchy.
Cutting dreads is an important first step to achieving wisdom and equality.
I've never heard that take on dreads ever.
Ever.
I've heard the exact opposite.
How are black people ever supposed to achieve wisdom if they keep looking so fucking stupid?
Yeah, I've only heard the exact opposite.
Like you see good head of locks, good long strong head of locks, all you think to yourself is like there's some wisdom right there, there's some tenacity, there's some drive, there's all that.
Cutting it off?
Don't feel that so much.
Like, oh my my, we are so touchy.
You get upset because someone cut off your fucking hair.
As opposed to being touchy and refusing to hire somebody because of their hair.
You know?
Yeah, totally.
I mean, these are all kind of petty obvious points, but still.
But I like the idea that this is how we achieve equality.
I mean, if I can't have dreads, then neither should black people.
That's called equality.
And incidentally, I'm... Not wrong.
Yeah.
Like, incidentally, I'm starting a charity to implant a chip in black people that shocks them every time they say the n-word.
Because it's racist and I don't think anybody should be able to say it, especially if I can't say it.
And it just makes them look bad, you know?
I'm not gonna hire them if they keep doing that stuff.
You know, and you're right.
We should put that chip in everybody.
And only do it when it has the hard R. Yeah, should be R-sensitive.
Yeah.
Okay, next topic of the night.
Former... This is so funny.
We talk about that Biden.
That Biden.
I'm gonna just read a little passage here, which is one of the more funny things that I've read in a long time.
It goes, Former Vice President Joe Biden's health has been a frequent topic of conversation, with some critics even questioning his mental fitness amid a string of gaffes on the campaign trail.
He'll likely face additional concern and questions after one of the 76-year-old's eyes appeared to fill with blood during a Climate Change Town Hall event.
So fucking funny.
So funny.
I mean, these pictures are horrible, you know?
It's just like, imagine being his campaign staff and like watching this happen in real time backstage.
Like, what the fuck, man?
Yeah, what are we supposed to do with this?
Like, this is rough.
Like, I don't believe in God, but God does not want this man to be president.
No, no, the universe is not into Biden being president.
It's, it's been, it's, it's one of those things where, but the last time I had this much fun watching somebody fumble, they still became president.
So I can't get that excited, you know?
That's a really good point, yeah.
He, he would have been better off, like, he would have been better off getting a nosebleed.
Like, that would have been better for him.
Yeah, he could have licked at it and then showed his humanity.
What do you bet he would just wipe it with his sleeve?
Oh no, I think he would lick it.
I think that's what you would naturally do.
You'd just be like, hmm, what's that?
It's got a bit of an iron taste to it.
It's just amazing.
Every successive Biden gaffe is just funnier than the last.
I'm using the term gaffe here loosely.
I want to just really briefly talk about how he forgot Obama's name or whatever.
Yeah, his boss?
I think everybody got that wrong.
I think everybody got this wrong.
This isn't a defense of Biden, but what I saw happen is I saw him about to say Barack Obama For the fuckin' 900th time on the campaign trail, and remember that his handlers said, hey, maybe don't mention Barack Obama every single sentence, and he just stopped talking.
He just froze up.
And then all he could get out after that, instead of Barack Obama, was President My Boss.
Without saying the name Barack Obama.
And it was so close because he, like you said, you can tell he was almost trying to make it charming.
Because?
You know, he was trying to make it charming.
Yeah.
Because yeah, you have to have, when you become repetitive, you have to have Alternatives, you know?
And that one just did not work out.
It's like, it's not even a matter of like, oh, you're repeating the same speech too much or you're repeating the same talking points too much.
You're not talking about it in a natural way.
You're literally just saying the same two words over and over and over.
Now, the only thing that I think conflicts with my theory is that they might be trying to play up his proximity to Barack Obama to continually remind people that he was the vice president.
He did work for the first black president.
But I think they probably want him to handle it in a more, you know, deft manner.
And so we're saying, don't say President Obama every five seconds or whatever, because That phrase President Obama or Barack Obama is like muscle memory to him at this point.
It's not something you can forget.
It's like forgetting to breathe or forgetting to blink.
Like that's just something that happens naturally unless you try to stop it, which I think he did.
He has said that combination of words more than anybody else ever, you know, and that's just by way of the job.
And he's inside his own head because he realizes all the stupid things he said and the ways that he's fucked up, and so as soon as he started to say the wrong thing, he froze up.
I've been there.
I know what it's like.
I saw myself in him in that moment.
It's like me going to say, oh, this is just like on the Yellow Family TV show.
I have to remind myself not to reference The Simpsons for a third time in the same episode.
Yeah.
Yellow Family TV show, exactly.
Um yeah so again this is so fucking funny it just like disintegrating on TV um like at the next debate part of his skull is gonna pop off whistle like a tea kettle and shoot out steam like an army of darkness and CNN's gonna be like I think he did a pretty good job up there
I really think that we're going to know how deep the DNC is in this and how bad they want this to happen when they have Leslie Knope, the character, her playing the character, Leslie Knope, introduce him at a rally.
That would be extremely fucked.
And I do also subscribe to the theory that Biden is only going to be the frontrunner until they decide that he's too compromised and shift over to either Elizabeth Warren or Kamala Harris.
Oh, absolutely.
They're obviously grooming Elizabeth Warren pretty hard.
You know, she is meeting with donors.
She's softening her talking points very much, at least in regards to Medicare for All.
They probably know they can't do anything about higher taxes on the wealthy as long as any Democrat is in office, you know, depending on, you know, how high they actually go is up for debate.
But Medicare for All is like a single A single item on the platform that is worth defending, putting your whole, you know what I mean?
It's like, obviously a lot of Bernie's policies and Elizabeth Warren's policies would be detrimental to the donor class, but Medicare for All is probably the biggest chunk out of the pockets of the donor class, you know, the DNC and those specific donors.
And then with Kamala Harris, like, somebody is paying for people to be on the streets protesting for her.
This is so fucking funny, dude.
Somebody has to be paying for this shit, because, like, it is insane to see, like, this whole push of, um, just put a woman in the White House and she's the woman?
Yeah.
Is just wild.
Yeah, I mean, it's... and to see her interact with those, like, you know, supporters or whatever is incredibly cringe.
It's like the, I'm with her bumper sticker come to life.
It's like an anthropomorphic representation of that.
It's so great!
I mean, how can you be a white feminist if you're, you know, standing for Kamala Harris?
Totally.
Yeah, to see her chant along with her supporters... She's smart!
She's strong!
With Kamala, you can't go wrong!
That's a really good thing, you want to chant along with your supporters, especially when you're accusing Bernie Sanders of having a cult of identity, or a cult of personality.
So, the most common response to Biden's eye spontaneously erupting into blood on national television was, in MAGA Facebook at least, was, oh, a woman probably stabbed him in the eye for touching her inappropriately.
Yeah.
It's a pretty good take.
I love that.
It's a pretty good take.
This thing that we like watched, because it happened mid-debate.
I didn't watch that shit.
Like it happened up there.
I didn't watch it, but he didn't go up on stage with that.
That happened mid-debate.
It's so good, yeah.
Because if it happened before the debate or whatever, you could like, I don't know, try to compensate for it.
But the fact that it just, we waited until it was prime time to burst into blood.
It's so good.
It's great though, because like, We know what this is, genuinely.
It's pretty safe to assume that he, like, burst a blood vessel.
Yeah.
But I just love how it's been worded on everything.
Dude.
Eye fills with blood.
Yep.
Joe Biden's eye fills with blood.
Joe Biden is the Crimson King.
He's come to break the beam and destroy the Dark Tower, throwing the universe into chaos.
I'm only laughing because this is the second Dark Tower reference I've heard you make today.
Yeah, but different episodes.
Oh, shit!
Come on.
The Crimson Eye of the Crimson King.
And the other one was a reference to Post Malone, so it's a completely different white guy.
We're not all the same guy, Tony.
Joe Biden and Post Malone are the same person to me.
Yeah, this article from...
Politicious A24, so this is like the MAGA vertical for the A24 film production studio.
This headline reads, Joe Biden's eye fills with blood while on stage during climate downhaul.
And yeah, it's got 1.2 thousand reacts in one Facebook group.
This was, of course, all over the MAGA Facebook groups.
So good.
Like I said, the most common joke was, oh, I don't know, maybe a three-year-old stabbed him in the eye for molesting her, which is a good joke.
Yeah.
But other common responses were,
Well I guess I guess we should say like yes it is a it is a it's not a big deal technically like this is it's just a blood vessel burst in your eye which does happen when you get older and you have higher blood pressure or if you're on blood thinners or just at any age if you undergo like rigorous exercise or sneeze too hard or give birth these can all happen and it's just you just wait for it to go away it just goes away in a few days
Um, but second to the eye stabbing comment, the most common responses were, uh, he's a demon.
He's, he's the devil.
Oh, his eye, his eye, I'm totally with his eye turned blood red because he's a pedophile.
And so you see all these comments.
Oh, he's a demon.
Oh, he's a literal devil.
Oh, he's a pedophile.
That's why his eye turned red.
And then the next comment will be from a 60 year old lady who's like, well, this happened to me last night.
Yeah, oh no am I a pedophile?
You'll know them by the blood eye.
Oh no I have a blood eye, what's wrong with me?
Um, and this, you know, this is obviously, like, a very funny visual, very, you know, kind of frightening visual or whatever, but it's not going to, like, do anything to dissuade older voters, you know?
No.
Because they know that this is- They're gonna sympathize with them.
Yeah, they know that this is a normal thing.
Like, my grandma probably saw his eye cloud over with blood on national television and finally felt seen.
Yeah, yeah.
I've been there.
I've been there.
But yeah, like a good chunk of this boomer mag of Facebook saw this and they were like, it's normal!
It happens all the time!
And like, hey, we're better than this.
And I was reading that.
I'm like, no, you're not.
Not at all.
You're not.
You are petty.
This is the same community that lost their minds over the tan suit.
Like, it's the same community that wishes death on the president or the CEO of Camping World because he wouldn't fly a flag big enough or whatever.
You're not better than making fun of a Joe Biden bloody eye.
And yeah, this is like a charitable reaction that I've never seen in these Facebook groups at all.
Like, I've never seen this level of sympathy for a, you know, Democrat or a liberal, let alone a Democrat or liberal career politician.
And it's only because they've all had fucking, you know, blood vessels burst in their eyes.
It's like you said, it's not because they're making fun of him, it's because they're making fun of him being older.
Yeah.
And like, that's the line you don't cross.
Listen, everybody gets old.
We all do it.
Except for, you know, the ones who don't get to, you know, because they were like, being black in the wrong area.
Or they didn't have as much money as the older people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, no, I think like, It's literally just, yeah, because he has something in common with them in that respect.
So, you know, just like put a fucking stent in Ilhan Omar's heart and maybe they'll stop wishing death upon her.
Yeah, exactly.
Spread the word that she uses catheters or something and then maybe she won't get as many death threats.
Just have her start complaining mid-speech about being really hot.
Is it hot here?
Is it?
Anybody else hot?
I'm really hot right now.
Sorry, I was having a fit.
I'm sorry.
Anyways... That motherfucker!
Let's get into comments here.
We just got a few comments.
So, again, this article is about Joe Biden's eye filling with blood on national television during a climate debate, and Larry Steyer says he will do anything for a vote.
This is my favorite comment.
Absolutely.
He has like a tiny squib he had set up in his eye to go off.
We have to appeal to the older people.
We have to do this.
I'm going to have this explode in your eye mid speech.
I love that.
It's just like a Mission Impossible contact lens with a little blood pack in it.
Yeah.
It'd have like a little zoom-in scene and you'd see it a little explode.
Yeah, Joe Biden's gonna fucking cut off his foot live on the next debate to appeal to diabetics.
Like little do we know that there was actually rubber bands above his ankles?
It was all show.
Yeah, god, this guy will just do anything for a vote.
That's my favorite response to that.
Like, yeah, I'm not gonna fall for your obvious pandering of filling one of your eyes with blood, buddy.
I am not a sucker.
Come on now.
I can't trick a trickster.
Stan Smith says, another indication he is the devil.
Jerry Brock replies, Lucifer was an angel, a direct creation of the Lord.
What are you saying about his abilities?
Praying for you.
Which is a comment!
Um, actually... Yeah?
Do you understand this one?
What I'm saying here is that God is Barack Obama and he once was an angel.
He was once one of God's angels.
But he has been cast out.
Angel has fallen.
Yeah, angel has fallen.
There's not been much communication between Joe and Barack.
He has been cast out.
He was once an angel and now is the devil.
So is Jeffrey Brock saying, he says, Lucifer was an angel, a direct creation of the Lord.
What are you saying about his abilities?
Is he saying that how dare you accuse Joe Biden of being a creation of the Lord?
Yeah.
Is that what he's saying?
Yeah, yeah.
His abilities?
Why did he phrase it that way too?
The whole thing is so weird.
Or is he, yeah, is in a more narrow sense, is he saying that Joe Biden will never be as great as the devil?
I mean, something like that.
It's a weird ass take.
It's very confusing.
Marian Harris replies to the original comment about Joe Biden being a devil.
Hi, I think you may be kidding.
He is old and done some evil things, but is not the devil.
Cheers from Australia.
And so again, this level of charity for an old white man who's like, in their mind, part of the Clinton, Barack Obama cabal to bring Muslims in to do genocide on white people suddenly is a charitable figure.
A figure of sympathy.
He's still a human.
Yeah, uh, and then Stan Smith, original commenter, replies to, um, says, no one can take a joke anymore.
So he's just joking about Joe Biden being the devil.
I was just kidding, guys.
Then Marian Harris replies again, I thought you were joking.
Kidding means joking in Australian lingo.
Cheers.
Listen, listen, Marian, not everyone's bilingual, okay?
Thank you for that.
And in case you didn't understand me, cheers is a salulatory greeting or bye-bye in Australia.
That's how we say bye-bye.
I also was just talking about that weird Australian opinion on American politics and how to me it really just dignifies my usage of the term white people.
Because sometimes I don't mean American, sometimes I just mean white people.
So how is this enlightening or new for you?
What did you realize?
Well, it's just another nosy Australian bringing in the right wing opinions on American politics.
You know, but so when I say white people, I'm not just talking about Americans.
I'm talking about white people around the world.
Including Australia, which is the epitome of white people.
Well, I think it's a good grift.
I think that this is like a really good bit to pretend that there's an entire slang that derives from a fake country.
Like, it's good.
It almost makes me believe that there really is an Australia.
But, just like there's no planet Klingon, or whatever, there's no Australia.
Uh, last thing.
Uh, Lara Adriazola posted a Q&A on the White Rabbit.
A photo of a man with a blood red left eye and the caption says, Nestle CEO and Chairman Peter Brabeck, Queen Elizabeth, Joe Biden, same eye.
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
It just means that they're all over the age of at least 55 roughly.
So fucking funny.
What do all these geriatric world leaders and titans of industry have in common?
They're just old and they are stressed.
High stress.
I mean so much of like this QAnon conspiracy theory can be just summed up with, oh yeah, it's old rich people.
It's the oldest, it's the old richest people in the world who are doing this stuff.
It's much simpler.
Then, uh, however you're trying to explain this, like, um, a lot of people were saying, oh, he had too much adrenochrome.
That's why his eye turned red.
Other people were saying, oh, he's, uh, he doesn't have enough adrenochrome.
He's on adrenochrome withdrawal and that's why his eye is red.
Which, I mean, leads me to believe maybe the science isn't in on the effects of adrenochrome just yet.
Well actually, I heard that he probably would have been fine if he could have just licked his eyeball like he usually does, but because he was on stage he couldn't do that.
Much like many lizards, they just lick their own eyeballs and couldn't fix that kind of thing.
Couldn't blink his second set of eyelids.
Can't do that on camera.
Yeah, so people were saying, oh, it's adrenochrome.
It's too much adrenochrome.
It's not enough adrenochrome.
Oh, it's just the right amount of adrenochrome.
And somebody else replied, this is not adrenochrome withdrawal, you fucking idiots.
Look up Vril.
Look up, what did they call it?
They called it like Vril implanting or look up the Vril virus.
And so I looked at this.
Do you know what this is?
I've heard Vril before.
This is the first VRIL.
This is the first time I've heard of it.
Vril is a supposed technology or delivery system that puts a reptilian alien into your brain through the ocular cavity that turns you into a human host drone for this reptilian alien.
Your body then can be used as an infiltration measure into the highest echelons of our society because we all know there aren't any bad people up there until you put a freaking alien in them.
That's beautiful.
He's clearly just an exoskeleton at this point.
He's just a drone and that's why he's forgetting words and that's why he's making verbal flubs.
That's why he's glitching.
Yeah.
Even though the obvious cyborg in the race is Andrew Yang.
Oh, totally.
Who now has learned to read.
So watch out.
Didn't he refer to himself in the third person in that tweet?
Yeah, he was like, Andrew Yang can read.
Yeah, tight dude.
Yeah, sick.
Andrew Yang can read Elizabeth Warren's plans that she has.
Yes!
So fucking cringe.
It's great stuff.
We love to see it.
Hey, thanks for listening to Minion Death Cult.
Really appreciate it.
Shout out to everybody, uh, shout out to the folks who won the, uh, the koozies.
Like I said, we're gonna try to do that again, uh, maybe next month.
We'll have something else, maybe more koozies, maybe something else that catches our eyes.
Um...
Go ahead and give us a rating and review.
We've had a few that we're gonna, you know, shout out those people next episode when we don't have such a long one.
And subscribe to the Patreon for bonus episodes every week.
Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
$3.11 level gets you that bonus content every week.
$5 level gets you a pack of stickers.
Gotta be sending those stickers out to the new Patreon subscribers from last month as well.
They're really tight.
Or you can just, uh... Yeah, I don't think they're on the website.
But, um... You can buy a t-shirt on the website.
Still have some t-shirts left at MinionDeathCult.com.
Anything else, Tony?
If you want a sticker, message us.
We'll figure it out.
Cool.
Yeah, send us a message.
We'll send you some stickers.
That's a good policy.
Also, Tony and I were special guests on a podcast called Psychic Dolphin Garage.
Those boys we had on a couple weeks ago to talk about Bernie Sanders and identity politics.
We're on their show this week.
Should be coming out Tuesday, I believe.
Had a lot of fun.
Talked about a lot of fun stuff.
Played a game called Who Said It?
Ice Agent or Mass Shooter.
Obviously very fun, very light-hearted stuff.
Check it out.
Psychic Dolphin Garage Podcast on whatever podcast app you freaks use.
Alright, thanks for listening everybody.
Thanks a lot.
Bye.
Bye.
Yeah.
I dated this woman once and she was crazy, you know what I'm saying?
She was on that crack.
It was fucked up.
Yeah.
I dated this woman that was addicted to crack.
I became addicted when I tried to get her back.
She stole from me and disappeared for days.
Worrying me to death I had my mind in her days.
I really loved her and I tried to get her back.
I tried to reason with her but she wouldn't accept that.
She refused but rated attacked.
It felt like
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