Unlocked: Starbucks Sensitivity Training w/ Starbucks Barista Patrick Boswell
Flashback to last year when the cult did its own sensitivity training to address problematic behavior and were joined by Patrick Boswell, a Starbucks barista who actually attended the company's racial sensitivity training session. Filled with such woke-isms as "Be Color Brave," and "Look POC in the eyes," Patrick shares some of the training materials with us, as well as his experience in the program. Also: Roseanne gets fires for continuing to be super racist, and the internet does not take it well.
So not many people are aware that when we're not doing this podcast we are making and selling coffee downstairs.
MDC coffee.
Millions of dead cups of coffee.
Since Starbucks closed yesterday for racial sensitivity training and there's You know, they closed based on problematic instances at Starbucks.
Well, there's no shortage of problematic comments being made within these walls.
So we figured we'd follow Starbucks' lead and close down this shop for some training.
To lay down some operational guidelines for MDC Coffee.
Since, let's be honest, it's mostly Mountain Matt and myself being problematic, Tony here is going to be the one conducting this session.
Is there any more coffee?
There's no more coffee?
No, we had to stop making it to make you less of a bastard.
You fucks.
Alright, so let's get down to it.
Thanks for being here guys.
Let's get right into this.
Both of you, just to get it out of the way, both of you please do not refer to yourselves as sheep who are black.
First off, it's just real confusing.
Alright, but if I say I'm a black sheep, they might think I'm part of a Christian biker gang or something.
I do not want to be associated with those ruffians.
Okay, don't worry Alex.
As everyone knows, our particular shop is actually a Brothers of the Sun shop, so you're safe here.
Just moving on... Are we the sheep that are not black?
No, you're just going to be Matt and Alex.
That's what we're going to work on for now.
You're just going to be Matt and Alex.
Just the apron rule.
Just the nametag rule, alright.
Matt, I need you to stop accusing African-American patrons of casing the joint?
No, it's actually casing the joint!
That's how he says it.
He does say it like an old-timey detective.
Listen, don't even worry about it.
They're just looking for the cream.
They are always looking for the cream.
Okay, there's almond milk, but there's also cream.
I know that you think they can't handle the cream, but they actually can process small amounts of dairy.
Oh yeah, that's right.
I can't do it, you know?
But, like, all I gotta say is C-R-E-A-M.
Cream get the money.
Dollar dollar bill, y'all.
I think that they should, uh, Starbucks should keep all the Wu-Tang in the same section of every store so, like, we're not confused as employees, like, as to what the patrons are doing in there, you know?
Also, Alex, uh, flushing the toilet is not theft.
Uh, do they pay the water bill?
Motherfucker, do you?
With my tax dollars, I do!
Okay, okay, maybe.
We get like 500 million subscribers every year.
That's what I'm saying.
Also, both of you, I can't stress this enough, I know you're technically baristas, but you are not allowed to refer to yourself as proud b- proud B-E-A-N-E-R-S-es.
What if I put a soft A at the end?
Like, like, Proud B?
Nope.
Like, like, rhyme it with Gina.
Proud Gina.
Like, uh, incidentally, the name of my favorite CIA director.
Gina Haspel.
Queen.
Moving on, please do not tell black patrons that you want to Underground Railroad them away from the Democratic Plantation.
I know you guys are thinking you're on some weird woke shit, but I don't even know what the fuck that means.
It's just, it's bad.
It's just not good.
It feels good every time I say it, though.
I say it a lot, and I've got a good rapport with every customer that comes in.
If you guys really need to do that, join the Brothers and Sisters Club.
Oh, so then I get to say brother if I join that club?
As long as he's your little brother, yeah.
Absolutely, go for it.
But you better fuckin' show up.
You better show up.
You better not quit on that kid.
Um, and, as a final part of your training, I need you guys to read, um, a Ta-Nehisi Coates essay.
I am the black guy who can't say Ta-Nehisi Coates.
Uh, get that one on there.
Um, The First White President.
Tight.
New essay, The First White President.
I love George Washington.
Uh, my favorite First White President.
So good.
Did you, um, his fuckin' teeth?
Oh, yeah.
Not all wooden.
Yep, yep.
We all know that.
We all know about the teeth.
He literally extracted some slaves' teeth and put them in his mouth.
And that, to me, is a sign of, like, solidarity?
Like, in a way.
You know what I mean?
That's like woke.
Like, his mind was open, his mouth was open.
There were stolen teeth going into it.
It's like, you know, it's like we're all one inside George Washington's mouth.
Or body.
Okay, guys.
Anyways... It's beautiful.
Like, when the mouth shuts, you can't see color.
It's okay.
Okay, you... Alright, you motherfucker.
That's two essays now.
You have to read two essays.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
So stay tuned, we're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when we destroy the desert.
Follow their environmental stats.
Stay tuned.
Okay, I'm Alexander Edward.
I'm Mountain Matt.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
Come on!
Oh, yeah.
The world is ending.
I don't know.
Everybody's responsible this week.
We're documenting it.
First of all, we have a guest here.
First time on the show.
Patrick.
Patrick Boswell.
How you doing, buddy?
Pretty good.
Patrick Boswell, a.k.a.
Shao Fist.
What's up?
Foreign native, Starbucks employee.
Nice to be here with you guys.
Yeah, thank you for joining us.
Direct relation to co-host Tony Boswell, younger brother.
Better looking.
Facts.
Young God is a handsome, handsome young man.
It drives me crazy.
So the reason we brought you on here, I mean it's great to have you either way, but the reason we brought you on here is because specifically, like you said, you work for Starbucks.
And as we all know, I'm sure, Starbucks is now woke.
They're now like really good.
And the way you be really good is you constantly try to do better.
You acknowledge that you're not great.
That's how you be good, is you acknowledge you're not great.
And so you strive for that greatness.
And so in doing so, they closed 8,000 stores for racial sensitivity training.
I'm not sure if that's the official title of the That was the term that they used.
That's not cool to say, dude.
Sounds like some soy boy shit.
Yeah, you need to chill off that.
Call it, like, man up training.
We're going to go over your specific, your, Patrick, specific experience inside of this, this racial indoctrination camp.
Good lord.
It's a very good term to use for it.
It was a very interesting experience to step into.
They wanted to get real serious.
They wanted you to get close with people that you don't work with as often.
The intentions were good, but the execution was done poorly.
How so?
Basically, you walk in, your names are on a table, you're in a group of four or five people.
All aligned based on race?
Good lord.
We were talking about that and we kind of noticed that there was at least one white person in every group.
So they did assign you?
I don't know if they did that purposely or randomly, but there was one white person to every group.
See, that's good.
I like that because the left talks a lot about the redistribution of income and the equal distribution of income, and it's good that we're trying to also equally distribute the racism.
Exactly.
So everyone can understand it.
We grew up a little differently.
Do you think that your case is rare?
Do you think that there are a lot of Starbucks where there would have been like only one black dude for every two groups?
Do you think there's definitely flip demographic Starbucks out there?
Yes, I would say so because well, I'm the only like black guy at my Starbucks It's mostly Hispanics that I work with and then like a couple white people But I could definitely see that it's different in different certain areas because where I'm at it's it's a melting pot You know, I'm right at the borderline of like upper middle class and then lower class so you get to see two different sides of people that work there and come there to get coffee and
I had like a similar conversation with my friend who works also at Starbucks and he's black and he, we, we, we talk about like, cause like the stores that we work at, it's like, there's like two white people.
There's like two, three white people that work there, you know?
So we're just like, we're joking, like why do we have to go?
You know, we've known, we've felt this discrimination.
Me and him went to a Starbucks together at the beach and got kicked out for the same reason.
The only reason why we didn't get arrested like those other two men is cause we didn't stay.
Right.
Like, we tried to pay for it.
They didn't let us pay for it because they were mad that we had an attitude now.
We tried to go buy something so I could go use the restroom.
And then they said, you know what, you could actually go ahead and leave since you have that attitude.
Jesus Christ.
So you were kicking it as a Starbucks employee, like, at another Starbucks.
Like, we didn't work there yet.
That's the best part, is that we work there now.
That's what's, like, so ironic to us, you know?
They didn't do a background check on you guys, or else you never would have been hired.
So it was very interesting.
They wanted to make sure that people were understanding that we all are prejudiced and that we need to see these stereotypes and understand pain.
Did you see any of your co-workers reject that idea?
Did you see any of your white co-workers who pushed back against the idea that they have subconscious prejudices?
Um, yes.
I wouldn't, I don't know if I would say that they were pushing against their that, but unless they, they were just like, it was like little jokes.
Like they'd like look at something and be like, I'm not even going to comment on that.
Like, Oh, cool.
So it's like, they just didn't even want to, I'm not going to say the word I'm thinking of right now.
It's not that they want to fight the stereotypes, they just don't want to even accept them in general.
They just don't even want to accept the fact that there is a difference.
Because they showed the divide between being privileged and not.
The difference between colored skin and being white.
But when they put us in groups, they just kind of were like, alright, we're your managers.
We're here today for this incident in Philadelphia.
Here's a big instruction book and an iPad.
You guys sit here, take notes, talk amongst your groups.
There you go.
I feel like a big part of a big, what do you call it, like a big roadblock in this is like white America being, because we've talked about on the show how like, You know the worst thing you can call a black person is the n-word obviously but like the worst thing you call a white person is a racist.
Exactly.
Like that's like the white version of the n-word for us uh because we've been trained that like racism is bad even if you don't understand what racism is you still know that it's bad you know it's like It's an inherently, we've accepted that racism is a bad thing.
And so if you identify like any sort of subconscious prejudices you might have, that makes you a bad person.
And I feel like we've done a terrible job of explaining the nature of racism and like racist indoctrination.
My favorite example of that is when my dad went to, I think, I don't know if, I don't know, whatever.
This is a great story.
He went to Epic Records Fest.
Which if you know the lineup on Epic Records, it consists of Ozzy Osbourne and Future.
And so my dad saw Future open for Ozzy and heard him saying the N-word a lot in rap songs, you know, a rapper or whatever.
So and he just said, that's racist.
That's so fucking racist for him to say that word.
How could he say that word?
You call me the racist?
Me?
I'm my dad and I'm the racist?
That's just human nature not wanting to accept themselves that there is wrong.
I've tried to explain to my dad in a way why that word is used amongst black people and he just refuses to even hear it.
Do you want us to get really into it and then your dad can listen to this episode?
He'll never listen to shit, and I don't want to get into it, so let's move on.
So, you go in, you sit down, you're with your groups, and they give you an iPad, they tell you to take notes.
What sort of stuff were you watching?
What sort of stuff were you taking notes on?
You got a booklet there, which is crazy.
They printed out this, like, high-quality zine.
Yeah, it's a zine, dude.
Page eight.
The first step to becoming color brave.
As opposed to colorblind.
You gotta look color in the eye.
That's exactly what they want you to do also, is to look at someone with color and understand their struggles.
Which is not a bad sentiment.
It's not a bad sentiment.
That is a good sentiment.
I'm gonna do the Fern Gully thing where I go up to a customer of color.
You should call them COCs by the way.
Oh my god.
And grab my trainee's hand and put it on the chest of the COC and say, can you feel his pain?
Can you feel the cock?
But then they're going to think you're making an Avatar joke and it's going to get weird.
Yeah, but then I'll make more money somehow.
Yeah.
Make a lot more money.
So, you know, they had some ground rules.
Listen respectfully, respect each other, and speak with truth.
So basically we sit down in the group the first video is just a director from Starbucks this woman and she's like talks about the situation slightly and she says okay we we need to notice the differences between us between the co-workers here.
So take a moment and list things that is different between you.
And so they had to sit here for two minutes and list the differences between me and the person next to me.
That's so cool.
That's like so woke.
It was, um, they wanted it to make it deep and really getting your emotions, but we only listed physical differences.
He was white.
I was black.
I was tall.
He was short.
They handed out Starbucks brand calipers to each table so you could measure the differences in skull shapes.
Exactly.
Looked at each other's shoes.
His are different.
Pants size is different.
There was no direction.
There was just like, you would think there would be some type of a kumbaya coming together, you know, whole store involvement.
Trust fall?
Yeah, trust fall type thing, but it was definitely like, you guys are just going to do what you want.
Like, you could either be here the four hours and really care about this or just brush through it.
That would have been so tight if they, like, made you guys do three-legged races around the store together.
Some, like, scavenger hunts or something.
Let's be real, like, uh, Corporate America really could take some notes from the, um, the young adult, uh, the young adult Christian, like, movement.
Like, I was part of Life Teen as a teen.
Oh yeah, that's why you're so cool.
Yeah, that's why they hit people.
Like, Starbucks, take some notes from them, you know?
Do some trust falls, you know?
Have some, like... Go on a hike.
Frappuccino making contests.
Separate the genders, of course, first of all.
And then second, racist.
Absolutely, yeah.
Also.
At any point, did you feel like Starbucks was telling you how to be a better black person?
Yes, because it was like, it was like hard for me to be a like a black person that works at Starbucks and they never addressed like what a partner, like what we should do if someone racist walked into the store, you know?
Yeah, which happens way more.
Yeah, like which happens way more often than than these, you know, you just don't hear about it.
I deal with Older racist white men on the daily who are entitled, you know dark rose guys It was just like hard for me to put myself in this seat and be like I've faced this discrimination my whole life Like what is there to teach me that I already don't know and I feel like they kind of knew that going into it because it felt like Like, they talked about race and being prejudiced, but it was also, like, their big thing was, like, be a kind person in the end of the day.
It was just, like, be a good person.
Yeah, love Trump's hate.
Be positive.
How can you make someone's day better without just giving them coffee?
What they should have done is, uh, they should have taken your racial awareness card and, like, punched out half of the tabs already, you know?
The Yin-Yang sign, the Yin-Yang sign.
No, when that old ass fucking cracker comes in and wants a fucking cup of... Dark Roast?
I want that Dark Roast!
I want it really dark.
And he looks at you, Pat, and says, give me that Dark Roast.
Boy.
I was feeding it to you.
I've heard that already, I've heard that already.
Have you really fucking heard that?
Yeah, I've already heard that.
God, my chest.
What you do, it's real hard-bodied, what you do is you go grab a cup and fill it with hot water from the tap, and then you walk over and stir the hot water with your finger, and then you just give him the cup of hot water.
What do you think of that, you old fucking... Because you're a badass, because you're just stirring your hand in boiling water.
So my skin just rubbed off into it, and there's your dark roast, bud.
There you go.
Well, we, you know, doing this show, we all know that, like, the sole reason for restaurants and for establishments in general is that so, like, baby boomers and members of the greatest generation can go in and feel like they're still giving orders to somebody.
Or it's their third place.
Which is why they refer to it as their third place so often in our books.
It's only a more richer experience when that person is a person of color.
Which is why they refer to it as their third place so often in our books.
They want these people to feel like this is their third place.
What's a third place?
Home and work.
Third place.
The third place.
Home away from home, yeah.
Exactly.
I feel most comfortable at home.
Second most comfortable at work.
Third most comfortable is definitely waiting in the drive-thru for 20 minutes.
But most at home when there is a POC serving me.
Exactly.
We need to be welcoming and warm with our attitudes towards people, no matter the color, the race, the class.
See that's the thing, I want to be able to walk into a Target and feel at home.
You know what I mean?
That's why I go to Target.
Exactly, the American made clothing, the crate 99 cent section.
But if you look at that fast spectrum that they're talking about, like you just said, it applies well to homeless people.
Yeah, homeless people should be treated a lot better when they go to Starbucks.
Mostly because that's like their first place.
Right.
I definitely always open a fucking Starbucks door with my shirt or if I'm wearing a long sleeve with the wrist.
Well, no.
I feel like that's kind of the opposite thing we're going for here.
Well, no, no.
Well, I'm just because the study came out that like the dirtiest places are not like Bathrooms, but like the handle of a Starbucks, so I'm like a freak about that shit, but I lost my point.
The Starbucks that I work at, they're really good with homeless people because we're in a complex and there's a ton of homeless people that sleep in the parking lot.
We're chill with them.
They come in there, they'll kick it all day, charge their stuff, get some water.
And they come in with the hesitation, like, oh, I'm not buying anything.
Can I ask for this cup of water?
And it's like, yes, of course.
There's no issue here.
We're going to give you water.
And it's it only becomes a problem with them is because like they'll they want to use the restroom and clean up and it's like we can't have you in there for 45 minutes like you know like that's the only time it truly becomes a problem and and that's that's it though you know I've we've never kicked anyone out since I've worked out worked there or seen anything we let some dude with his dog come in and kick it every morning but if it's a POC it's like definitely a different
Well, that's what's so funny is that so these two black guys get arrested at Starbucks for being black in a Starbucks And they're both described as like entrepreneurs doing pretty okay in business themselves So they were like oh man really fucked over these two young black entrepreneurs.
We should probably just homeless people too It's the equivalent to them.
And that's what's fucking wacky.
It's cool.
I'm happy we're addressing everything.
They're trying to at least.
But at the same time, that's a weird graduation to make.
They, like as I was saying before, you know, they talked a lot about your mind stereotyping people and that was it.
Like it was never like, it was, they talked about race for like the first 30 minutes that we were there out of the four hours, you know, and then the rest of it was just like, oh, stereotyping, being prejudiced.
They have like a short, like 10 minute documentary about like, uh, they, they interviewed some like, uh, black people and they were like talking about, oh, I don't feel, When I walk out of the house, I have to dress a certain way.
Basically addressing white privilege and then cut it off, left it at that.
Race wasn't discussed anymore.
Kind of let people sink on that.
No one in my group took it seriously.
I'm watching this video and I'm like, wow, I feel what you're saying.
This is powerful right here, what they're trying to bring.
Racism is kind of like a form of sociopathy.
racist, like making like a joke, you know, like type thing.
That's what, and that's what I'm saying with the organization.
Like it was just, no one truly cared and they didn't make sure that people did.
Racism is kind of like, it's, it's like a form of sociopathy.
It's like a specific form of sociopathy because, you know, not feeling, uh, empathy, not feeling a sort of sympathy for other people and believing that moral morality in general is like a fake thing.
Yeah.
It's like a fake thing that everybody's pretending to do.
And it's like a it's like a like a training society does to you to make you make you pretend to care about other people or whatever.
And that kind of feels like when what you were saying about this real real This video with like real experiences on it, real experiences that you identified with.
It's like a specific form of sociopathy to look at that and say, that's fake.
Yeah.
Like that, he's just fucking doing a video.
Society should require people to take fucking philosophy 101.
The community college.
That could turn out pretty bad, too.
It could, sure.
Maybe give them 102, also.
Because when you take philosophy, that's all about aspect.
Sure, but it makes you think more critically.
And I mean, I guess if you're racist, it will make you search for more racist arguments.
I think society does prefer people to have taken, you know, those classes, but not everyone has access to those classes.
Right, of course.
I think society does like people that have college education more than other people.
What did Common have to say?
So there's a Common video that you watched, right?
Yeah, there's like, he talked for like 30 seconds after we watched the video of the CEO.
So it's just like a feature?
Yeah, yeah, it was like two 30-second videos of him basically just kind of backing up the CEO.
It was the outro to be.
It was the kids saying what they want to be when they grow up.
Literally, and it's like, I guess it's good that they brought Common in because that's what kind of got everyone's attention.
They're like, oh Common, we could watch the video.
You know, because when he first comes in, it's like, you watch the video of a CEO, the first CEO, because there's a new one.
He's like, oh, I went to Mulan.
I saw these great coffee shops, so I wanted to create the third place.
And now that this thing in Philadelphia has happened, we have ruined the third place for these people, you know?
And Common's just like, oh, you hear the CEO.
You guys, they're talking about being colorblind.
Listen to that.
It's very common.
I don't know, it's just common.
It was hard for me to look at that and be like, wow, he's actually doing this.
Which made me think, okay, so clearly they do care somewhat if he wanted to get involved.
It was weird, I don't know.
I feel like that could have backfired, though, because we know Common as, like, the enemy of one of the great white heroes, John Wick.
I see Common on my TV screen trying to kill my boy, John Wick.
The hardest.
Oh, no.
Ah, fuck that.
See, I always think of, um... He's the guy from... Common's the guy from Lucky Number Slevin, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's the same, uh, bad guy.
Uh, crossover universe, same universe.
That's tight.
And you said colorblind, but the word in bold typeface in your pamphlet is colorbrave.
Which to me just like evokes negative connotations in my mind when I think about that baseball team from Atlanta.
Yeah.
To me, it's just like, oh, be brave when approaching a person of color, which is their... Yeah.
That's what it means, right?
That's what they get into.
They talk about racial anxiety and like... Make sure when you're approaching a POC you make eye contact.
You do not make any sudden movements.
You do not turn around and run.
That initiates their chase response.
It's weird how oddly, like...
Correct you are with them and and how they literally say make sure you make eye contact show them that you're not afraid Remember, they're more afraid of you than you are of them.
This is so fucking insane.
It's crazy that this is literally, like, these are things that are being said, like, essentially.
They don't say these things, like, in quote, but this is what they're saying.
Well, they said make eye contact.
I've got to say that.
I've got to attach this whole thing to my whole, like, movement is, like, that democracy in general is terrible, and, like, this cap Capitalistic democracy we have gives way for, like, corporations to, like, dictate rules like this to their fucking employees, and then, like... I mean, look at this.
Imagine this shit 20 years down the road.
And this is, like, a corporation trying to be good.
Exactly.
Yeah, I know, and that's when I'm, like, their intentions were there, but the execution was done poorly.
Which is just, like, I mean, just another... It's horrifying.
Why even do it?
In my opinion, at this point.
It's another notch in the belt against capitalists and corporations.
It's really, really bad.
I feel like they really just wanted to save themselves.
Alright, let's get into Facebook's... Hey, let's get into this shit, huh?
Let's get into Facebook's reaction to this.
So there were a couple Fox News articles about it.
One of them, we won't get into the comments.
I just love that this was their priority.
When you looked up racial sensitivity Starbucks training on Fox News, the first thing that came up was, don't worry, not all of them will close.
These are the ones you can go to.
There was literally an article where you could find the Starbucks that didn't care about racism.
The one that was closest to you that will in fact still be racist.
You wake up out of bed and you're like, I need that milkshake.
Let me get that milkshake.
And then the rest of them were just about how they were closing and how people couldn't get their Starbucks for the day.
They couldn't get their Frappuccino or their cup of whipped cream.
What's your most fucked up regular order so far?
I used to have some fucked up ones.
Okay, there's this guy that comes in here and he gets 13 packets of raw sugar in a venti cup of water with extra ice, I think it's like 5 pumps of liquid cane syrup, 10 packets of agave honey, and he double blended.
Okay, see that guy... So he's getting a Frappuccino for free, essentially.
He's a fuckin' Men in Black cockroach character.
That's what I was gonna say.
Oh, goddammit.
It's Edgar.
That's definitely the guy from Men in Black.
Yeah, I know.
And he kinda looks like the guy from Men in Black, too.
He'll be in there and he's doing his homework.
He'll be in there for about like four hours and he'll get like six of them.
Sugar water.
God, are you fucking kidding me?
You're gonna watch that guy die?
That guy is a cockroach in a human suit.
Either that or you're gonna watch him die before your very eyes.
It's terrible.
I hate making that drink.
But he comes in almost every day.
That's so crazy.
Yeah, so these are the people that are real mad.
That guy complained because he gets that daily.
He was fucking furious.
He actually did walk up to the door while we were closed and looked very upset.
Yeah, I knew that.
People were pretty much just pissed about the whole thing.
Basically, the whole take was...
You know what?
These guys don't deserve the attention they're getting.
They shouldn't have been there.
They should have bought something.
The Philly dudes.
The Philly dudes.
Why are they making all this fuss over these two blacks?
Was basically the take.
If they'd done it, we'd have our fraps.
They're like, black people get arrested all the time.
Yeah, why is this one important?
If we closed down everywhere where a black person was arrested, we wouldn't be able to go anywhere.
So, none your bidness.
No!
That is a take.
said so that one incident in that one location was a mistake, but the company has made a foolish knee-jerk decision that will cost them a lot of revenue.
For all we know, the incident wasn't set up.
That is a take.
I'm pretty sure the Black Panthers set this up.
Actually, if you look back, there were some emails that were sent from the two entrepreneurs back and forth from Dunkin' Donuts.
Yes.
This was in fact the setup.
I love how the idea that this was a setup like relies on Still a lot of racism, because it relies on the fact that two black dudes could just go into a Starbucks and stay there for two minutes and then, yeah, of course they're gonna get arrested.
And they knew that.
This is gonna work, we just gotta hang out.
It relies on that and a social experiment?
Yeah, well, yeah.
Yeah, that's what this is.
Totally.
It's the dark government doing the social experiment.
It's that, and the fact that people gotta have them fraps every damn day.
I cannot stress this enough.
I need to start my day with the actual milkshake.
There are people that do that though, huh?
Is that a regular thing?
People that get a frappuccino every day?
Very regular.
Every morning?
Every morning.
Oh my god.
That's like $7 every morning.
It's crazy to see the stuff that we put in people's drinks and how it's just like every day.
Yeah, it's so crazy.
So consistent.
I love this monkey.
Sounds like a baby monkey.
That's the avatar.
That's small.
this just real quick this adorable comment it's so cute the profile picture is this cute little baby monkey in a little dress I love this monkey it is the cutest little monkey with a little barrette in her hair it's like a baby monkey it's a baby monkey it's the cutest little face that's the avatar that's small that baby monkey probably has something really sweet to say right no their name is like 2580 it's cause 2579 Yeah.
And that joke gets so much better every time I say it.
Goddamn how to do it to them type shit.
What's Starbucks going to do when the store is full of degenerate drug dealers?
Oh, what?
Hold on.
They're just two black entrepreneurs, right?
What about that monkey dude?
Degenerate drug dealers and users of the bathroom are shooting galleries and no paying customers.
Oh, that is what happens, right?
You let two young black entrepreneurs wait in your cafe for a minute.
Next thing you know what?
Your bathrooms are full of heroin.
2590, what happened to your cute, uh, sentiment, er, pretension you give us with your avatar?
You, you, you're fucked.
You're terrible.
I actually found out later on that, um, that baby monkey was an orphan monkey whose parents, uh, whose monkey parents OD'd inside of a zoo Starbucks bathroom.
Oh, I- Uh, Mr. Orphan Baby.
So there's a grudge there.
Yeah.
Yeah, no good.
But I think this stuff is totally going to work.
I do think that there's going to be impact in your store.
I think we're going to see, this is going to stick, right?
Um, cause I mean, there's testimonial from people like, uh, Lemon Rat.
Really gross name for some reason.
I just, that's gross to me.
You're into weird things.
Oh, they had sensitivity training.
I had sensitivity and anger management training, and still, to this day, I get upset every time I hear a liberal speak.
Yeah, me too, actually.
I feel that.
For real, though.
Dude, their triggering is triggering.
On no bullshit, like zero cap whatsoever.
I hate liberal speak.
I hate right-wing speak.
I hate all the shit.
I don't want to hear any of it at all.
He said no cap.
Yep.
That's pretty powerful.
Take your hat off, dude.
You can leave that cap on.
You don't take your hat off for that.
No cap.
Yeah, so this stuff totally works.
It works every single time.
Okay, so this next one was a take I saw a couple times.
It's a really good joke that's going around.
It goes something like this...
Starbucks closes for one day to give its employees moral guidance.
Chick-fil-A does it every Sunday.
That's a very good comparison.
Had to do it to him.
So they can go to church and that's their racial sensitivity training, right?
Yeah, no, we should definitely close all businesses every Sunday for like church or racial sensitivity and that'll make right-wing America super happy when they can't go to any store on Sunday.
Is Chick-fil-A going to sexuality sensitivity?
training on Sundays?
Hell fucking no.
But I got to advocate for Chick-fil-A and my boy Alex over here.
We need Chick-fil-A open on Sundays.
You got to be open on Sundays.
Just got to say it real quick.
Just forsake your God for my tummy.
I feel like you would appreciate it more if you were open.
Uh, yeah.
True, like now that gay marriage is legal, like it's more or less just like an empty threat, right?
Like, they can't do anything about it.
So I guess we can't go get that sauce?
That sweet, sweet sauce?
All I gotta say is imagine those Sunday numbers.
Imagine them.
So this is one of the comments that could either apply to this topic or our next topic, which is of course all about Roseanne and her 17th instance of racism this week, which finally shut her down.
But this comment is from Ubonda Wisdom, a white lady here.
I asked a man to stop saying the n-word while around me, and he said no because that's our word, and he will say it all he wants.
Okay, I gotta come chime in.
My dad.
That's my dad.
Daddy.
Your dad taught the future, right?
Excuse me, Mr. Future.
Can you not say the N-word, please?
Stop singing, uh, You Offend Me.
I want to say it, too.
And the fact that you're saying it makes me want to say it more, so just stop.
No, the N-word is super offensive to white people.
Yeah.
And I feel like that's why we shouldn't say it.
The strength and coziness in what you say is really intimidating to me.
I don't know how to make, uh, makes me feel weird.
Not down with codage.
Um, it's like, it's like the real reverse racism, you know what I mean?
It's crazy that this person said this to a black person.
They're just upset they can't say it when a song is on, like a 21 Savage song.
Or a Kendrick Lamar song?
Oh yes, exactly!
That video is great.
When she said, I just sang it the way you wrote it bro!
When he stopped, she was like, am I not rapping good enough for you?
No.
You said the N-word multiple times.
You know what you did.
What?
White college age girls are so confident that they think they can just bro some like multi-platinum artist who's like, um, just, just won, uh, what award did he just win?
The Pulitzer Prize.
The Pulitzer Prize?
The first rap artist to ever win.
You can just bro this guy.
You can just bro this person.
Hey, bro, it's just the way you wrote it, bro.
Especially the one of those students from Berkeley, you know?
That girl drives a Jeep, for sure.
Well, it's that white girl thing of having a lot of gay friends so she gets to say the f-word.
It's the same exact thing.
No, she pointed at some guy in the crowd who was like, some black guy in the crowd.
She's like, no, that's my boyfriend.
It's cool.
That's my boyfriend's friend.
That's my boyfriend's friend, not even my boyfriend's friend.
- That's my boyfriend's friend. - The entire crowd turned to her and said, "Get out!" "Get out!" "Get out!" Of the relationship. - So Chip here, this is a comment from Breitbart, an article on Breitbart that was surprisingly level-headed, surprisingly just straight reporting about the, you know, racial sensitivity training.
And, uh, but if you go to the Breitbart comments section, like, the Breitbart comments section is, like, the number one place to get FBI statistics from.
Chip here, in the comments section, has a rundown of what actually happened.
Chip says, Translation of the story.
Translation of the Racial Sensitivity Training.
Starbucks closed all its locations today so all its white employees could be bullied, harassed, castigated, and blamed for everything that happened to black people in the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries.
The blaming will be done by meeting facilitators, parenthesis, activists, who profiteer off racial hatred of white people and make money off the strife and conflict they stir up.
So I wanna say, did you guys like, did you guys harass the white people at Starbucks?
Not at all.
The white employees?
Well, okay.
Not at all.
Definitely should have.
The white employees harassed each other more than anything.
More than anything, it's kind of crazy.
Basically, they were sitting there seeing which white person can take the most shots of espresso to determine their blackness.
Because the more dark coffee you can drink, the more black that you are.
That's a real thing that happened?
No, no, definitely not.
But it was like the whole time it was kind of great to see white people not accept their white privilege.
Yeah.
And just like there was a there was a girl behind me that like kind of had a gasp of breath at one point when they talked about white privilege because they brought it up one time and people were very surprised.
I say that just because this first paragraph is basically a person who cannot accept their privilege.
No, or cannot accept the fact that white people did a lot of terrible shit to black people in the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries.
This all sounds sick.
I wish that would happen in every workplace.
I'm down for that.
Next paragraph.
Boycott Starbucks!
Buy your coffee from Dunkin Donuts, McDonald's, or mom-and-pop local coffee shops.
Or, make your own at home.
Electric coffee pots come with timers.
You can buy grocery store brands of coffee, make your own, put it in your own travel mug, and save a lot of money.
Yeah, I'm for that.
Like, buy your own bag of coffee from a local roaster, grind it, brew a cup, two cups every morning, you know?
Not what this guy said.
I love that they're explaining coffee makers in this otherwise, like, pretty racist argument.
Black and Decker's really behind this.
Dunkin' Donuts is definitely, like, one of those, like, We're like, we'll not close type thing, like we're not gonna do racist sensitivity training type places.
Like, they're bad.
Are they?
Yeah, it's like an East Coast, like Jersey Mike's type shit, you know?
Bummer, Dunkin Donuts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Leave Lib Whore Bucks.
Beautiful.
Brand new one.
Love that one.
Beautiful.
Rolls off the tongue.
Leave Lib Whore Bucks.
It's all one word, but the appropriate pieces of that portmanteau are capitalized.
Leave Lib Whore Bucks to the silly, effeminate, quote, coffee snobs who use the logo on the, quote, overpriced cup to, quote, virtue signal that they, parentheses, they think, are better than you.
When Star Lib Whorebucks collapses and goes out of business from this stupidity, we will all get to point our fingers and laugh at the snowflake coffee snobs as they scream at the sky.
You know how like, coffee hipsters go to Starbucks?
Yeah, except for not at all.
And they get like, dog whistled about like...
Hey, you know, we gotta offend all the right-wingers today with our cups.
Yeah, this is just like, once again, the sociopathy inherent on the right-wing.
Like, oh, well they're drinking a Starbucks cup.
They're trying to signal us using virtue signaling that they're better than us.
It's like, no, you just don't understand morality at all and you're applying it to very weird things like coffee cups.
You're applying it to capitalism.
Yeah.
I don't know.
My dad is a right winger and shit and he loves, loves going to Starbucks.
No, that's what's the best part about it.
He's one of the good ones.
He's one of the woke ones.
Oh, right.
One of the woke patrons.
That's the best part about it, though, is like, Starbucks patrons are just really average folks.
It's everybody, yeah.
But a lot of them are leaning towards, like, the less progressive side.
They might not be, like, out, like, they might not be, you know, awful people on the service, but they don't understand things like gender fluidity.
So you're saying don't judge a book by its cover.
It's your aunts.
It's all your aunts.
Right.
And uncles.
Boomin'.
Alright, this next comment, also from Bright Bart.
Good God.
It was amazing.
Truly, truly amazing.
MacDaddy says, There is a Starbucks a mile from my house.
It has a drive-thru, which for about 80% of each day has at least 10-12 cars in it.
I have observed, just out of sheer curiosity, the typical wait time at the Starbucks drive-thru is about 20 minutes when that line is long.
So he's out there with a pen and paper and a stopwatch and shit.
People do that.
People really sit there and they will time how long it waits for them to get their coffee.
I've had people get so mad that they won't even wait at the window and just drive around and go right inside.
That's the thing, right?
It's a whole thing.
I conversationally asked my son and his girlfriend why they patronize Starbucks rather than, say, running into McDonald's, where the coffee is about one-third the cost.
Sounds pretty made up.
Sounds like a made up story.
We're like two paragraphs into this story about Starbucks.
This totally real story about Starbucks.
It definitely happened and he's already insulting his ex-wife.
was both solemn and condescending simultaneously.
Parentheses.
He gets that from his mother's side.
Sounds pretty made up.
Sounds like a made up story.
We're like two paragraphs into this story about Starbucks.
It's a totally real story about Starbucks.
It definitely happened, and he's already insulting his ex-wife.
Yeah.
So, I told him about the cars waiting in line and idling all day, and asked them if they could imagine the damage to the environment caused by all those cars idling for all those cumulative hours burning all that hydrocarbon fuel at all those Starbucks, and all the litter from all those coffee cups and lids filling up all those landfills.
Then I asked him...
Do they really support the environment?
Or are they fooling you into buying coffee there by pretending to care about the environment?
Virtue Signaling, nobody really cares about anything.
This is all a cruel joke to make me feel bad.
True, true.
Just meant to make the boomers feel more ostracized.
If Starbucks really was about saving the environment, wouldn't they intentionally not have a drive-thru at any of their stores?
They should have a drive-thru, but it's only for segways.
Or bicycles.
Gotta have that sticker on the back of your bumper.
Carpool only.
Clean air access.
Should have the Diamond logo painted in the drive-thru.
And a cop watching to make sure nobody violates it.
The state should come with riding tickets right there.
They should come up with a... They should get with Starbucks and get a sensor thing going, you know?
Like, where you, like, you drive up and, like, if you don't... Fast pass?
Yeah, it's a fast pass.
Yeah, yeah.
Or, you know, those reverse... Those nails come up and they tear your tires up if you can't... Oh, yeah.
If you don't have a cleaner access thing.
Oh, we'll be smart.
Yeah.
Shouldn't they heavily discount their products for people who bring in their own cups?
Parentheses, maybe they actually do.
I don't know.
We definitely do do that.
Shouldn't you and Malia?
Oh, weird daughter name for this Mac Daddy here.
Named after the first daughter, I'm sure.
Shouldn't you and... Oh, is Malia his son's black girlfriend?
Probably.
Oh, fuck.
And that's why he has such authority to speak on this issue.
That's why he gets it, yeah.
Boom.
Got it.
My sundaes are black.
Yeah, you know.
Shouldn't you and Malia, when you go to Starbucks, try to set an example by parking and walking into the store to get your coffee in a travel mug to save oil, save the air, and prevent litter?
Man, he is fucking owning these kids!
This is really disgusting.
These dumbass fucking millennials just getting owned left and right by this dad lecture that totally happened.
You know all those Malias?
The puzzled look on his face, followed by a sullen look of dawning realization of the hypocrisy of Starbucks and his own lazy self-indulgence was priceless.
He gets those things from his mom too.
Throwing as many jabs towards the ex-wife as he possibly can.
What the fuck?
This is insane fiction.
Oh yeah, by the way, fuck her.
Yeah, yeah, totally, yeah.
That's appropriate at any given moment.
It's like ideal commenting right here.
This is why your son hates you, because you will not stop talking shit about his mother.
I love this idea, too, that, like, your son said he goes to Starbucks because of, like, the charity work that Starbucks does.
Definitely was not the answer.
No, it was- Oh, there's one on literally every corner.
That's why I go- A mile away from his house.
That's why I go to Starbucks.
I can meet it- I can meet my homie there.
Real quick.
Like, cause he knows where that is.
Oh no, you can't actually.
I got a story for you.
Uh, from Philadelphia.
Oh right, I remember- Oh, that's right.
Yeah, I loved this.
His own lazy self-indulgence.
Like, yeah, that's totally what your son was thinking about when he, like, stared out the window away from you.
Yeah.
Was his own laziness and his own lack of moral fortitude.
That's definitely what that look conveyed.
And then my son got up and emptied out his Starbucks coffee cup and filled that same cup up with bleach, just like his mom did.
And everybody in the car clapped.
That's true, because it was just me.
Hey, he's only 28.
By Churchill's maxim, he got a couple years yet before he's fully converted to conservatism.
Though I am trying to speed the process up... Oh yeah, you're doing a bang-up job, dude.
You're making conservatism look so fucking cool.
You act just like your mom!
Converting my child to conservatism?
I love that.
Is there, like, a camp?
No, there's, like, these electrodes you hook up to them.
Mike Pence can tell you all about it.
Well, that's part of the camp, yeah.
It's a camp.
It's a week weekend camp, yeah.
Uh, yeah, that's the end of that totally real story about a, uh, Mac Daddy.
Literally, go back to this username.
Mac Daddy.
Owning Mac Sonny.
These are all just people, remember people, this is folks on the internet getting mad because a company decided to tell, in unison, their employees, hey guys, we gotta stop being shitty to people.
And people are really mad about that.
Uh, yeah, so the last comment before we segue into our Our next topic here.
Oh, so this is just my favorite username.
This person is a poet.
Their name is African Noodle.
And this isn't in this comment, but I looked at the history a little bit, and they've used the term I've never heard before, which is Trump-arilla, like gorilla, but first word Trump.
Trump-arilla?
Seems racist to me.
I don't know how calling Donald Trump a gorilla is racist.
I mean, Alex had some insight on it.
Gorilla mindset?
Yeah, gorilla strength.
It was just really funny.
Gorillas actually have the smallest penis proportional to their body.
Their balls are small.
We have bigger balls than they do.
Not to body shame.
That's true.
But you had to do it to them.
For real, for real.
Starbucks employee.
Their name is African Noodle.
I don't know if I said that already.
Their name is African Noodle.
African Oodle.
That's all.
Oodles of Africans.
They said, uh, Starbucks employees will be shown an anti-bias video.
Of course, that would not include any Roseanne Barr jokes, as previously planned, because Starbucks is totally going to use jokes written by Roseanne Barr and Common together.
To soften the blows.
I mean, he's not wrong.
They didn't have any Roseanne Barr jokes.
Roseanne Barr was originally going to write Common's monologue.
Yeah, I mean, we've all been told that this new Roseanne reboot is one for, like, real America.
Like, that new Roseanne show is all about real Americans and get out of your, like, liberal elite bubble.
And that's why they were going to use her videos to explain racial sensitivity.
Get on their level, you know?
I think it's cool because it's like that other show they made, Dear White People, except for this one's not racist like that one is.
I would love for somebody who doesn't know what that is, and it's Dear White People, and they're like, cool, finally, a show for us.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Dear White People has too many, disproportionate amount of black people in it, and so like, that's not really fair.
It should just be, sorry, it should just be, uh, if it's black people involved, it should just be, Dear White People, we're sorry.
Yeah.
You're not racist.
We were just kidding the whole time.
It was a joke.
It's just a joke, man.
Psych.
So we were talking about, um, Roseanne, like maybe being part of the Starbucks, uh, you know, curriculum, video curriculum for racial training.
Um, I think her last tweet was pretty woke, right?
Like really?
Like it made me think like Roseanne, where's this season going to go?
Where is this season of Roseanne going to go?
Where could it go that it hasn't gone already?
Oh, yeah, uh, dark, I guess.
Just go dark and not make another season.
Because she's a fucking racist fucker.
And we're gonna talk about it now.
Best intro to a segment or segue we've ever had, ever.
So yeah, on Tuesday, it was funny because we were planning on doing the episode all about Starbucks.
It was going to be a big deal.
White people couldn't get their coffee.
It was going to be a big thing.
And then Roseanne went on Twitter and compared a black woman to an ape.
Oh.
And that kind of took over the internet.
Yeah.
She's a horrible bigot.
Worst.
Just terrible.
Violence towards Roseanne.
That's all I'm going to say.
I think it's funny, so like the exact tweet, you've probably seen it already, but the exact tweet goes something like, if the Muslim Brotherhood and Planet of the Apes had a baby, Valerie Jarrett would be the offspring.
Valerie Jarrett would be that baby.
Oh, that's pretty horrendous.
I guess in her defense, like, the Planet of the Apes characters were like a really advanced type of ape.
To be fair, like, the Planet of the Apes characters are pretty hot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
To be fair, I wanted to have my way with an orangutan-type of Planet of the Apes character.
Like, put yourself in Mark Wahlberg's shoes and try not to fuck that monkey.
Yeah, try it.
Try not to fuck a monkey.
So, people got mad at this tweet.
You know, rightfully so.
It's like funny that this is what finally did it for Roseanne.
I mean, it's obviously like...
Worse than comparing David Hogg to a Nazi or like a random politician to a pedophile because who knows they probably are but she just said so much wild shit on Twitter already she's done so much wild shit and it's like yeah okay yeah this is the natural this is a natural progression this is her leveling up you know she's she's achieved enough experience points
I think it's hilarious that this whole Roseanne reboot, as we discussed on a previous episode, was Roseanne pretending to be a poor Trump supporter.
Like, that's what the whole reboot is about.
It's about, like, what's real America doing when they vote for Trump?
Well, it's because they're poor.
And they want jobs, and it's somebody who hasn't needed a job in like, you know, 40, no, you know, 20, 25 years trying to explain that, and it's insane because the Roseanne character is like a liberal in every other way.
She's for like, She's okay with her grandson expressing himself in a different gender identity in a sort of non-conforming way.
She's okay with abortion.
She's in favor of abortion.
It's strongly implied in those first two episodes.
She's okay with gay marriage.
But, just for some reason, I like Trump.
Well, this is like why.
This tweet that she did, that's the real reason people voted for Trump.
The whole thing was like, Um, quote her message in a TV show type thing.
You know?
That's what it seems like.
Quote what message?
Her racist fucking self.
That didn't make it into the TV show.
It was trying to smooth over the race.
It was trying to pretend like the racism wasn't a factor in the 2016 election.
The Twitter is the direct opposite of that.
The Twitter is the veil coming off of what really motivated a lot of people to vote for Trump.
Well, she was racist, so that's a lot of stuff.
What about that episode with her Muslim neighbors?
I've only seen the first two.
I've just read articles about it, and it just claims that she's in fear of them building some type of bomb or of sorts to hurt their neighbors, I guess.
Which seems like an ABC thing, like an ABC plot.
Like, oh, let's, in the end, make them just a family.
But what did they end up doing at the end of that?
Well, I can see her going in there, and they have...
30 sticks of dynamite wrapped together and then like an old-timey bedside clock on top of it and then like she's like this is a bomb and then it's like no we're just we're just building our own clock yeah and then it's like it's it's like somehow woke but you're still describing just a bomb But it's still a dynamite clock.
It gives everybody else a way of saying, see, it does look like a bomb.
When Muslim people build clocks for science projects, it does look like a bomb.
Yeah, and it resembles a bomb.
There is like a B cut where she goes over to the house and like they're actually like knitting vests that have like holes that can hold dynamite and she's like but she's oblivious to it and they get away with it.
There's a B cut where that happens.
It's actually just insulation though, like a neat type of insulation.
Well Dan looks at it and he's just like, oh that's a fishing vest.
It's where you keep all your lures and shit.
But that one was paid for by the See Something Say Something campaign against terrorism.
So yeah, it's, uh, she did these tweets and most everybody was like, yeah, it's a racist tweet.
That's what it is.
That's what, like, we're like everybody, like Fox didn't back her up.
Like, well, no one did.
Fox had a headline that was like, uh, Roseanne receives backlash for her racist tweets, and racist wasn't in quotes.
It was just Fox News calling those tweets racist.
Which is hilarious that Fox News would do that, and it did not sit well with their commentary.
I mean, that's a good leap for Fox to do.
Say, racist without quotes?
That's cool.
Big leap for Fox.
This one is one of those weird ones that, um, there's no denying it.
Like, no one was trying to back her.
No one.
But, I mean, I don't know if this one was real, but I did see the one where Tommy Lorraine was, like, hacked and Tommy Lorraine was saying, like, oh yeah, no, like, there's, there's no, but there's no, there's a real tweet from Tommy Lorraine saying, Yeah, no, Roseanne, like, this sucks.
Like, you shouldn't have said this.
This is totally racist.
And that's Tommy Lorraine, and she sucks.
No, she was hacked, dude.
She didn't say that.
She must have been hacked, right?
That's what it felt like.
I hacked her, dude.
I wish she did.
It's funny when, you know, when you pretend like racism isn't a real thing for so long, like all these outlets do, and you see something like this, like, you have to make that, like, high-risk gambit.
Yeah.
Like, do we continue with this theme that nothing is racist?
Do we continue with the party line and then have it crumble by the majority of people realizing that, no, this is indeed racist?
Or do we go out on a limb and risk alienating every single one of our viewers by saying that this is racist, but keep our credibility at acknowledging that racism exists somewhere out there in the ether of...
Uh, located solely within a Roseanne tweet.
I imagine that gif of Zach Galifianakis, like, with the fucking, like, like, trying to put together a math calculation.
Yeah, from the hangover.
The real reason why they cancelled it is because the video of her singing the National Anthem from the 90s, that came out and they thought that was going to be the Super Bowl episode that Roseanne was going to have, and they couldn't have her disrespect the flag on TV, so they cancelled her.
No, they were totally cool with her disrespecting the flag and people also.
I think that's so funny, like... I heard there was someone kneeling in the background of the video so they just couldn't use it.
That's exactly why they stopped it.
Okay, so we're gonna go through some takes here and like...
Normally this show is pretty loose.
Normally this show is like, oh, here's what this random, totally isolated person thinks with their crazy mind about whatever topic we're doing.
But these takes, they're kind of on the same wavelength.
There's like three major takes that are going on in the right wing sphere right now about this Roseanne thing.
The first one, the absolute first one, represented here by the top comment on the Fox News article on Facebook.
It was on the post itself.
Top comment, Heather Rice says, then cancel the view!
Cancel Whoopi!
If you're gonna cancel Roseanne, you have to cancel a liberal show.
Like, one for one.
That's how we should do it.
It's a balance.
And I'm in favor of that because there's like, what, like three conservative shows on TV?
I'll sacrifice three liberal shows to get all that shit off the air.
True that shit.
Yeah, so like, say if they get rid of, um, uh, who's our favorite Fox boy?
Don Lemon.
Tucker Carlson.
Different company, man.
He should be on Vox.
If you get rid of Tucker Carlson and one more Rando, we will get rid of Ellen.
No, I'm not giving up Ellen for that.
It's worth it.
I don't know, man.
I gotta keep them.
And we're gonna promote Tyra Banks.
I gotta keep that toast milky, you know what I'm saying?
And we're gonna promote Tyra Banks.
Where am I gonna see politicians dancing if we cancel Ellen?
On the Tyra Banks Show.
If they can't get booked on Ellen, they'll get booked on Tyra Banks Show.
We can't risk that, dude.
Uh, yeah.
Cancel the view.
That's like the number one take everywhere.
Every time I hear it, I laugh.
Why is the view still on the air?
If this thing's canceled, then that thing should be canceled too.
Whoopi Goldberg, you fuckin' cannabis peddler.
Yep.
Uh, yeah, there was callouts of specific VIEW members, callouts of Joy Behar, which I saw spelled at least one time as Jew Behar.
Oh, cool, dude.
I like that a lot.
Makes me feel good and stuff.
No, that's not her name.
That's just her name on the Jewish Mingle site.
They all start that way.
It's like on the Cash app, it's cash, money, sign, then your name.
On Jewish Mingle, it's Jew, your name.
Star, your name.
I'm on there.
I'm Jew Carter Boswell.
Another Vue member that they, Vue cast member, I don't know, Vue host that they singled out was Whoopi Goldberg for some reason.
Cause she likes to sell cannabis.
Probably.
To women.
Is that like?
She has a sweet line of cannabis products that's like, awesome.
Like, it looks like, like, um, like spa stuff, like little tubs, just like, like topical stuff.
It's so good.
She's doing it.
It is.
It's a, it's a cannabis company that makes CBD products specifically for women.
Right.
To help women.
It's for women.
There you go.
Okay.
Well, yeah, they hate that for sure.
But I like it too.
Um, but no, that's not why, I don't think, why they're saying to cancel Whoopi.
Like, it's an analogous thing.
Like, oh well, if Roseanne's a racist, then Whoopi's definitely a racist for whatever reason.
Oh right, like the opposite of a white person should probably not operate on TV if we're gonna cancel a white person.
Okay, so there's this meme going around of Whoopi, and the text says, How is Whoopi and VIEW still being aired?
Shame on you, ABC!
Hashtag ABC, hashtag double standards, hashtag Whoopi a racist.
I mean, she is a racist.
And her t-shirt, there's a picture of her in a pussy hat, opening her over shirt so that you can see her undershirt, and poorly photoshopped onto this shirt is the municipal waste t-shirt of Trump blowing his brains out.
Which is a great shirt.
Yeah, it is great.
Highly recommend buying it.
This is not a shirt.
I'm not aware of whoopie Goldberg being a municipal waste fan I'm pretty sure that this is the shirt She was actually wearing was like I'm that nasty grandma Donald Trump warned you about you're that real like Photoshop boy, right Alex, so why don't you make a meme of?
whoopie moshing For this show.
For Minion Death Call?
Yeah, I drew it out so everyone heard me say it.
So you have to do it.
I'm gonna cut out Whoopi Goldberg's head and put it on Moshzilla.
Is Moshzilla pragmatic?
I'm pretty sure it is.
Moshzilla is for the people.
I'm down with Moshzilla.
That's bad.
Bad deal.
I love this.
I saw this meme or just this photoshop in like five different comment sections.
People genuinely believe Whoopi Goldberg did the t-shirt version of Kathy Griffin sawing off the president's head.
That was great.
Good stuff.
You know why though?
Why what?
Why they thought that of her.
Why?
Look at your skin, dude.
Look at the color.
That's a really good point.
Just point the black person out and take them down.
That's it.
It's also just because you can put literally anything in front of a boomer on the internet and that thing is real now.
Yeah, it's really... You put it on Facebook and everyone's got it.
It's a really bad deal.
I will say unfortunately, I'm not saying it, they're saying it, the pussy hat is not photoshopped on her.
No.
She is in fact wearing the pussy hat.
Which is okay, I guess.
I'm surprised they didn't Photoshop a Black Panther beret onto her head.
Photoshop an afro onto her?
Losella Rice-Lewis-Velthouse replies to this picture of Whoopi Goldberg, this totally real picture of Whoopi Goldberg wearing a Municipal Waste shirt.
Lucella says, and is that woman still working?
This is the worst shirt I have ever seen here in America.
Once we had good people living here and on our televisions.
Once we had good people living on TV.
Like John Wayne.
Remember when they didn't allow black people on TV?
Like the Honeymooners.
Yeah.
To the moon, Alice!
To the moon, whoopee.
Okay, so yeah, there was a lot of takes of like, we hate the view, so they should be cancelled too.
One of the isolated takes I got was really interesting and revealing.
On a post from the Trump Republicans Facebook page, one of the top comments was from Wendy Dillon.
Who says, this is what we get for letting the Democrats run our country.
Put a stop to this BS.
Vote Republican.
I fuckin' wish, dude.
I fuckin' wish.
If Democrats were truly running our country, they'd be like... They'd be running our country, like in elected office.
If they really were... They're not even fake, though.
We'd be more worried about our...
Our image as a country.
That's four fucking shirt.
If this lady was really about the Republican Party, she would get magatatted on her chest.
Agreed.
Tattoo my name on your titty so I know it's real.
That's what he said on the bus, right?
Yes.
That's what he said on Ackers Hollywood bus?
Yeah.
Oh no.
I told her to tattoo my name on her titty so she knows it's real.
This comment had 150 reactions.
Well, I guess it was like, love, and laugh.
And I was one of the laughs.
Because this is just funny to me.
Analyzing politics here for a second.
Republicans run the country.
Republicans are in control of the levers of government.
It's just the TV that makes you mad.
And this is like another instance of being a culture warrior and not really giving a shit about politics.
You just want the barista at Starbucks to be really fucking subservient to you.
You just want the TV to be really nice to you.
That's what your politics are.
What Wendy is really mad about is about companies dictating, corporations dictating what she sees on TV, corporations dictating when the Starbucks is open, when it's closed.
This seems like an argument against capitalism to me.
Yeah.
She's mad because companies control too much of her life, and if there was a way that we could control the companies, it would be great.
This is another take that I saw at a couple arenas.
Brian Kalper says... This is an actual post.
arenas brian cowper says big dog this is an actual post this is like the uh the op says only those who would automatically assume a comparison to planet of the apes is a slight against blacks is racist by implication I'm gonna blue dog this boy real quick.
So they're saying that, oh you think ape is a slur against black people?
Well you must think that apes are like black people to make that leap in judgment.
No.
Fuck you, dude.
Fuck off for that shit.
You are the one.
You are the one.
Associating apes with black people, dude.
Straight up.
Quickly.
Well, it's a historical slur.
It's like... Of course!
You know, it's only... Of course.
Only pure ignorance of history could generate a sentiment like this.
And I feel... Go ahead.
See, that's the whole thing though.
This isn't racism.
This is more or less a forecasting.
I mean, it's not comparing apes.
It's comparing black people to Planet of the Apes.
I don't know if you saw those movies, but once they were freed, they started to organize.
And once they started to organize, they started to uprise.
And once they started to uprise, they took over the world.
Had to.
Do you guys want to see the Statue of Liberty on a beach?
You know, the post-apocalyptic set?
Yes.
Or do you guys want maybe them to chill?
I'm going to say yeah.
What Tony's saying is, I think... White people are gonna take over the world.
Right, if we give them an inch, they take a mile, yeah.
All I'm saying is I want payback to the bitch on the beach.
Broken up into pieces.
That's all.
Brian Kalper replies to his own comment.
His own post.
Planet of the Apes is a parody on racism in an upside-down universe.
How stupid can ABC be?
Again, not wrong.
It's a parody, an upside-down universe, where up is down and down is up and black people have rights and actually are wielding power.
And black people are still monkeys in this comparison.
They're still monkeys.
It's this topsy-turvy world where, oops, black people are on top.
Wait, black people aren't apes.
I'm trying to avoid that point.
I really don't think that that was the intention for Planet of the Apes, just to be real.
Was it?
I don't think that.
I think it was either.
They weren't that woke back then.
Yeah.
Yeah, they weren't woke enough.
Like, maybe these are black people, you know, type shit.
Sue Becker, probably my favorite comment here.
This is a standalone also.
Yep.
Sue Becker says, I get so tired of hearing how they came from slavery.
Give me a break!
My ancestors came from Germany, but I don't use that to make points.
Hey Brad, you're not Irish so... What is your point?
What points could Sue make?
I feel like...
When Sue is trying to have a conversation about racism, or she's not trying to have one, she's somehow injected against her will into a conversation about racism.
She doesn't want to talk about the fact that her ancestors were German.
Because it has nothing to do with anything!
We shouldn't talk about that at all.
I don't want to talk about my history.
Why would you want to talk about yours?
She probably just wishes she was Irish.
Possibly.
I mean, most likely.
She's so vague.
Like, my ancestors came from Germany.
Were they the racist?
Were they the oppressor?
Were they oppressed?
They were absolutely the oppressor.
She would have said, my ancestors are Jewish.
I'm Jewish, if that were the case.
No, she said German.
What she meant was, my grandpa's a Nazi and he's a sweet guy.
He always got me Christmas gifts.
Hold up on that.
That might be troublesome.
My ancestors are from Germany, and now they live in Argentina, and I don't see how that's an issue at all.
I don't see how that comes into play.
The only thing I have to say is fuck crackers.
And crackers.
No, crackers are cool.
No, fuck crackers.
How about Uncle Cracker?
Uncle Cracker?
I'm ironically cool with Uncle Cracker.
Andrew Roche has a really bad take that I've seen before.
All I see is a black woman, so referring to Valerie Jarrett, who, I don't know if we mentioned this, she's African American, her parents are American, but she was born in Iran, so that's where like the Muslim Brotherhood thing comes from, it's also, you know, Obama is a Muslim, it's that thing.
It's a natural progression, you know.
The comments literally, her black parents joined the Nation of Islam, joined the Aryan Brotherhood, but her black parents are planning to eat monkeys.
It's very blatant.
That's a double entendre.
So many people didn't even get the fact that she's black.
They're all like, she's not African-American, she's Iranian!
She was born in Iran.
That makes her Persian.
Okay, all I see is a black woman, Andrew Roche.
All I see is a black woman pretending to have white hair via relaxer.
That's called cultural appropriation.
On a lighter note, I think all your notes are pretty light.
Yeah, well done, well played.
On a lighter note, could have sworn that Jaret was also Iranian.
Bitch doesn't really look completely black or whatever to me.
Even though you said all I see is a black woman pretending to have white hair via relaxer.
All I want to say is how mad I am after hearing this comment.
You ever be like subconsciously racist in the same comment as you being overtly racist?
Yeah.
Ever do that?
It's really fucked.
Like this woman He's a bad, bad human.
This is a man.
Uh, this, this human is a bad, bad... Andrew Roachie.
Bad human.
I like how, uh, you know... Thank you.
Shaving their hair out via racks, that's appropriation.
You know, I saw, uh, I saw one of them driving a new car recently.
Uh, that's appropriation.
One of them's moving into town.
No, that's a genuine take I see a lot is like a splash of Beyonce, you know, with like a real light flash on it or a real light filter over it with her relaxed hair, blonde hair.
Blonde hair is an Aryan trait and that's her culturally appropriating it and thus I have owned the SJWs with this comment.
It will be appropriation once, you know, we enslave the white man for a couple hundred years, and then after that, it's all appropriation.
I heard they're coming into Starbucks now, too.
It's a pretty big problem.
Rachel Dolezal.
Oh, the coloreds?
The coloreds.
All I gotta say is Dolezal.
One word.
Uh, yeah, I like how the idea of straight hair is a white thing.
Right.
I saw a white person getting a perm the other day when I was getting my hair cut.
Right.
Stop off at the point there.
Yeah.
Okay, Ben Ferguson.
This is a, I don't know, a personality of some kind on Facebook.
Ben Ferguson wrote a post that goes, So Wanda Sykes worked on the Roseanne Show and then said she quit this morning after Roseanne Barr's tweet?
This is what Wanda tweeted and she was not fired by ABC!
Double standard?
And then we have like a Wanda Sykes tweet embedded here that says, White people don't steal wallets, they steal countries.
Hashtag face value BET.
That's hilarious.
Which is absolutely fucking correct.
Yeah, I don't see the lie here.
It's just true.
It's true and funny.
Yeah, it's a very good way to articulate it, Wanda.
Listen to this show.
Thank you, Wanda.
I also love that they... I mean... Yeah, she quit before she was gonna get fired.
I mean, you don't get to keep your job if you're working for a show that gets cancelled.
You know, she still would have gotten fired.
Yeah.
It's just so dumb.
Well, it's actually like... She just quit first.
She's smart.
It's good on Wanda, yeah, for like, just... She didn't even... I mean, maybe she did know that the show was gonna get cancelled ahead of time.
She probably got a text from her manager that was like, yo, you should quit right now.
You better fucking quit this.
Ken Johnson says, it's funny that Roseanne gets canceled for remarks about Valerie Jarrett, which were really funny and deserved.
Oh, what?
You know, she deserved that comparison to an animal.
Yeah, you know.
All the work she did to make her face look the way it is because it looks like an animal's to me.
Real quick, I want to step in one more time.
These people are ape-like, but they're not animals, okay?
The Planet of the Apes beings are ape-like.
They're not animals.
We're gonna give them the credit where credit's due.
They have rights.
We need to treat them as such.
You know what?
I would much rather my daughter date a planet of the ape.
An entire planet of the ape.
Than a Republican.
Yeah, me too, dude.
Back to Ken Jon's tweet here.
Or comment, rather.
But the so-called comedian Wolf gets her own TV show after bashing Sarah Sanders about her makeup, looks, brains, and family?
Isn't that crazy how like, uh, Wolf gets her own TV show on Netflix, which is a totally different company than ABC?
Yeah, that's really weird.
Isn't that crazy how there's like, two companies?
Yeah, well no, they're all the same family though, if you look deep front back enough.
Oh, the ABC family.
Yeah.
Hey, uh, Ken Jones.
More like, uh, Ken... Ken... John... Un... I'm not saying.
You ever heard of it?
A, uh... Ken... Ken Johnson.
Okay, uh... Ken Johnson Un.
This is how low the Democrats have sunk because lying Hillary couldn't even steal the election.
Remember this, people, in November.
Um, yeah, so this is like...
This is a direct backlash to Michelle Wolfe's White House Press Correspondence dinner.
Yeah, I hadn't heard the fact she got a TV show after that.
Which is good.
Well, she already had the TV show lined up.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it debuted like a week later.
No, it was more like 6 weeks later.
It hasn't even been 6 weeks since Michelle Wolfe.
Maybe a month then.
I just watched it this week and it's really funny.
I just love the whole, remember this people in November, when you go to the polls in November, don't vote for Hillary and don't vote for, don't vote Wolf either.
Don't vote for Michelle Wolf.
Don't even, I guess vote for Sarah Sanders?
Yeah.
Vote Sarah Sanders?
Vote Roseanne.
Vote Sarah Sanders, vote Sarah Palin.
Vote Roseanne for sure.
Not Wolf.
Roseanne 2028, that's happening, I'm seeing that a lot.
Uh, so When Michelle Wolfe made fun of Sarah Sanders' makeup and when she made fun of the fact that she seems like a domineering gender traitor from a TV show, the right wing responded to that by saying, how dare you insult Sarah Sanders' looks like that?
How dare you call her a fat beast of a woman.
Yeah.
And the response to that was we didn't say anything like that.
Michelle never criticized her actual looks.
If you're thinking that it's a criticism about her looks, then you must have some subconscious feelings about Sarah Sanders.
Exactly.
I know Tony don't.
Actually I know Tony do.
They're not subconscious at all.
They're very out there.
And you probably have those subconscious feelings too.
She penetrates every facet of her mind.
Easter Sunday.
Remember Easter Sunday.
Going back to this other comment about if you saw a comparison between Planet of the Apes and a black person, that makes you the racist.
That's what they're trying to do with that comment, is touch back on that.
But yeah, no.
They're great, just like the movie.
They should be so lucky.
Okay.
Alright, uh, getting to some real gnarly shit here.
Uh, this was a post in the Deplorables group that lasted like 30 minutes before it got deleted because I tried to comment on it and I couldn't.
But, um, that was also a feature in the Fox News article on the website in the comment section from the website.
You can organize them by top comments, most upvoted comments.
The top comment was still there, and then the next, like, 12 top comments had been deleted.
Wow.
So they were still ranked as one of the top comments, but they were just deleted.
Why do you think they were deleted?
Do you have any, like, thought as maybe why?
Like, too gnarly for Fox maybe?
Which is an amazing idea to think about, but yeah.
Fucking insane.
Had like 36,000 comments in that comment section.
God.
Okay, so Casey Rooks posted in the deplorables before it was deleted, Roseanne was completely out of line when she said what she said.
They looked nothing alike.
Wait a minute.
And then posted side-by-side photos of Valerie Jarrett and, like, one of the apes from the Planet of the Apes.
And this is, like, supposed to be convincing to us that Valerie Jarrett does indeed look like an ape, despite the fact that she looks so little like this Planet of the Apes character directly.
Literally the only thing they have in common is they're both darker than white people.
And they have hair on their head.
And they have dark hair.
Like... This is fucking stupid.
The features are, they're literally the inverse of each other.
Like, they're literally the inverse of each other.
It's really crazy.
If you look at it, everything is the opposite.
It's pretty bad.
And this was a meme that I saw a lot.
This is another one of our common threads, was people saying, no actually she does look like an ape.
Oh wait, let me vet Roseanne's comment real quick and compare her to an ape.
It's good, right?
Well, yeah, they're all co-signing her tweet like nothing... Yeah, it's... And I don't even know if they're trying to say it's not racist.
I think they're just saying like, no, racism is true.
Yeah, they're saying like, no, she's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's right.
There is a striking similarity between those people and those things.
I might be racist.
And Becky Young, in a response to like Roseanne's tweet, conversation about Roseanne's tweet, I don't think she meant it as a racist remark.
She was being funny, sarcastic.
But if you look closely, she does favor the Dr. Chimpanzee.
I might be racist.
I think she was being sarcastic about this thing I genuinely feel.
And if you look closer, she favors the- like, adding lore to this now?
She favors the Doctor Chimpanzee?
I think that's a reference to Helen Bunham Carter's character.
People are coming at this Planet of the Apes thing from like two different generations.
Oh, true, true, yeah.
Wait, no.
They forget about the third generation, or the middle one.
Forgot all about the third generation.
The Tim Burton Planet of the Apes.
That's something.
That's what I'm talking about with this one.
Oh, there's new ones, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there's three?
There's three generations.
No, there are three, but the one that was forgot, like nobody's in here saying, no, it's true, Valerie Jarrett does look like that guy from Pineapple Express.
Yeah, we're team... Team Planet Apes 99.
Why don't we just tell them, you know?
Me and you?
We should, yeah, let's do it, dude.
We're on that team.
Us white folks.
Kelly Harper replies, hell, those apes in that movie were brilliant.
I think it was a compliment.
Exactly, exactly.
You know when you look at somebody and compare them to somebody else they look like, you're talking about their intelligence and their brain power?
And they've acted the way that you'd expect them to.
Look at how smart they are in the movie.
That just means she's an intelligent woman herself.
It's like every person that tells me who I look like, I'm like, no, but I think they're funny.
This is all so bad.
They're all horrible.
Yeah, the Roseanne thing is going to roll on and on for a week.
I guarantee you.
This is going to be a big deal.
But it was fun to make fun of him.
I'm going to start a GoFundMe to get it back on the air.
So, I'm going to start collecting money for that.
I'm going to get a GoFundMe to get it back on the air with the stipulation that Roseanne actually does play herself on the show.
Yeah.
And says every, like, no writers.
Like, Roseanne has to write the show.
All hard hours.
So there's like, there's, there's no, uh, mistaking why she likes Trump so much.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
All heart ours, you know, type shit.
Had to do it to him.
All right, well, that's the episode.
Thank you so much, Patreons, for subscribing and listening.
Thank you so much, Pat, for doing the show, man.
Had a good time with you guys.
It was a good show.
I feel like we've all been racially sensitized after learning about what happened.
Definitely.
I feel refreshed, cleansed.
We've all been pulverized by the hammer of racial truth.
What are those hammers called?
Tenderizer?
Yeah, we've all been racially tenderized.
I feel like I can learn how to be black again, in a sense.
I feel like what you said, Alex, was really problematic.
Which one?
Which thing?
Tenderizing and racial, in the same sentence.
But, we're going to get you on the regular episodes.
Do you have anything you want to plug?
Me and the My Boys Music.
We go by Foreign Natives.
You can check our SoundCloud.
We have a tape out now, Bootleg Tapes Volume 1.
Seven tracks on it.
Take some time.
IE's Best.
Foreign Natives.
Spelled as it sounds.
Spelled exactly as it sounds.
Well, not as it sounds, but as spelled correctly.
Yeah, hearing that... If you try to spell foreign phonetically, you're gonna have a bad time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your whole name is problematic, dude.
Yeah, it's very problematic, sure.
Yeah, I'm freaked out as a white person.
That's the whole point, I think.
That's the whole point, we want to scare him.
But we will probably share that, and then also maybe Matt can watch this too, something to kind of cleanse your palate of all the hatred out there.
It's this amazing video that I'm just fascinated by for some reason.
It's Wiz Khalifa and his kid going to a Taylor Swift show, and I don't know why, but I just love it.
We'll share it, and maybe that's what I'll attach Patrick to.
Oh, I thought you were gonna plug the new Gucci Mane Wiz Khalifa Real Rich.
