Hear every episode at Patreon.com/miniondeathcult This week the Cult covers the confirmation of the first ever female CIA director who also happened to oversee a black site in Thailand dedicated to the torture of detainees Also: the news hits close to home, when the San Bernardino Sheriff's Department "comes" "under" "scrutiny" over a photo of one of their deputies praying. This is sick stuff, folks! listen to the Intercepted podcast for more information on Gina Haspel and the CIA's propaganda campaign on her behalf
Remember the awful man who waterboarded his wife and some weird fucked up stuff?
He waterboarded her?
Like he like, like rode on her on the lake?
Oh wow, this episode's gonna be interesting.
That, uh, should explain waterboarding is like, it's not that.
It's not that?
It's not that.
It's not wakeboarding?
Yeah, I thought it was wakeboarding.
I thought it was like another name for wakeboarding.
Okay, yeah, no, we're gonna have to play it by ear on this one.
Oh boy.
Sorry I didn't do my homework, guys.
Fuck.
I mean, it's like sick, but in a different way.
Tight, bro.
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-fornia today.
So stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when the storm is getting us.
Follow their environmental steps.
Stay tuned.
Alright, I'm Alexander Edward.
I'm Mountain Matt.
I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Feminism is responsible.
We're documenting it.
All right, so today we have a debut by, a primetime debut by previous guest Leigh, do I say your last name Leigh?
Sure.
Anne Dieffendorf.
I know there's like a middle name in there somewhere, but hey, welcome to the show.
Thanks for coming back.
Thanks for having me.
So since you're kind of a regular on the show, sorta now, we have to come up with a nickname for you.
And I have one.
Oh, please.
Are you ready, Lee?
Oh, wait, she already has a nickname.
Correct.
What was it?
It was...
hang on, let me remember.
Can't remember, Lee, what's your official nickname I forgot to introduce you as?
Well, my that awful sound official nickname is Lee's Sandler Chick Diefendorf.
There you go.
Sandler chick in sticky caps, but without an I and a C in chick.
That's pretty tight.
I think on this show... CHK.
So on this show, I think we're going to give you a political-leaning nickname, and you're Lee Harvey Oswald, I think.
Are you okay with that?
I don't know, what do you think?
- Or Robert E. Lee and Ethan Doris.
- Oh, there it is.
- There we go.
- See, I'm glad I spurred it.
Yeah, that's way better.
Yeah, we'll give you credit for that, Matt.
No, no, no.
Good job.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm glad, you know.
She did it on her own.
I heard her.
Okay.
So today, uh, today we're talking about the confirmation of our beloved new CIA director, Gina Haspel.
First woman ever to be CIA director, just shattering shin bones and glass ceilings at the same time.
Slay queen.
Yes, queen.
Right on, man.
We got her in there.
We got a girl in there.
We got a chick in there, finally.
It's friggin' cool.
Mission accomplished.
Finally got a chick on the bench and by that bench I'm talking about like the flat place they waterboard people in.
That'd be at a little bit of an incline.
Girl power runs the world and sometimes that power is from a car battery that is being hooked up directly to a person.
Oh my god.
Man, if I had known you were gonna do that I would have pulled up some Spice Girls musical cues.
Uh, yeah, so, basically, uh, what happened was, is, uh, yeah, Trump nominated the acting CIA director, Gina Haspel, for the position, and, uh, of permanent director, and, uh, a few Democrats said yes, I think like six Democrats said yes, so, uh, we got her.
Good job, Dems.
Yeah, you fuckers.
Basically, if you're not familiar with Gina Haspel, I'm just going to go through some fun facts and trivia about Gina Haspel.
This is specifically from PhysiciansForHumanRights.org, which, I don't know, take that for what you will.
You shouldn't color the rest of this.
It's from an article called Why We Should Oppose Gina Haspel.
From October to December 2002, Haspel ran the CIA's first black site prison in Thailand.
Another first!
She can't stop busting through these barriers.
A real pioneer.
Can't stop her.
She's gonna keep going.
Under her supervision, a Saudi detainee named Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri was subjected to waterboarding, a form of mock execution by suffocation.
Fuck.
I don't know if there was anything worse than just the word execution, but like mock execution?
Like repeated mock executions, as we'll get into.
That's pretty gnarly.
It's crazy.
It's the most mature version of psych ever.
The most mature version of a swirly ever.
Yeah, it's I'm gonna kill you, you're gonna die, psych, tell me everything you know.
Lee, weren't you in mock execution in high school?
Yeah, just my junior year.
Okay, so you know what's up.
What does that mock executioner's mask look like?
Is it different than the regular one?
Yeah, it's clear.
It's only halfway up.
It's like a mock turtleneck.
Cool, so like, we have to know, like, you know, you're a student, obviously, and we have to be aware of who you are, but you gotta at least play the part of an executioner.
I get it, I get it.
Yeah, okay, continuing with this quote from Physicians for Human Rights.
Waterboarding is a particularly cruel practice in which the torturer exercises total control over a victim, including restricting the very act of breathing.
Once this Thai prison was closed, Al Nassiri was transferred to other black sites where he endured an additional four years of CIA torture.
One of the most horrific abuses he endured included so-called rectal feeding, an ostensibly medical procedure that in fact lacks any medical justification.
Another word for this is rape.
That's a quicker way of saying it.
Last thing here, moreover, she was an enthusiastic supporter of the program, meaning the Enhanced Interrogation Program.
And, uh, worked to protect it from criticism.
This included drafting a cable, ordering the shredding of videotapes depicting torture sessions, despite a court order staying their destruction.
So, uh, got rid of that evidence, despite a court order, and, uh, now she's permanent director.
Pretty cool stuff.
Fuck.
That's so wild.
Yeah.
Enthusiastic supporter, basically saying, you know, if we can save a life by taking a bunch of people close to the end of theirs, and most likely that won't result in anything, it's worth it.
That's the math.
Whoa, dude, that's crazy take there.
It's a big if.
Yeah.
Okay, so obviously, like, the conservatives loved this because now they get to be the feminists.
They get to be the real feminists for once.
This is like... We're gonna go through a couple posts from Fox & Friends, from the National Republican Senatorial Committee, who are lauding this act as just progressive, because they love that word now, and what... It's the word, not diverse, what's, you know, this is a... It's equality, baby.
Are they being inclusive?
Inclusivity.
Thank you.
Republican inclusivity.
So this post is from Fox and Friends announcing her confirmation.
The caption is, Gina Haspel joins the list of women serving in high-ranking positions within the Trump administration.
And this is something you'll hear from the right wing about, you know, how many women Trump appoints.
And then there's like a little infographic with all these lady heads on it.
I only see one myself.
I know which one you see.
I only see one.
I know you see her.
The headline in this infographic is Women in the Trump Administration.
And we got Nikki Haley, U.N.
Ambassador.
Ivanka Trump.
Kellyanne Conway.
Bunch of crackers.
Sarah Sanders.
Queen.
Gina Haspel.
Elaine Chao.
The one non-white.
I should say right here that Nikki Haley is Indian American.
Betsy DeVos.
Ugh.
Kirsten Nielsen, who I'm not familiar with.
Me neither.
Linda McMahon, who we're all extremely familiar with.
That's so crazy, dude.
Linda McMahon.
And Mercedes Schlapp.
And it's just, if you go through these names, um...
So, Ivanka Trump, obviously qualified for whatever position she's in, you know, had nothing to do with her last name.
Her, quote, high-ranking position.
Kellyanne Conway, yeah, her high-ranking position is due to the fact that she fuckin' said okay to Trump to run his campaign.
Sarah Sanders, whatever, she doesn't have any connections in Washington that I know of.
Except for her dad, Bernie.
Damn, that's her dad.
He's supposed to be draining this swamp.
Elaine Chow, this is the wife of Mitch McConnell.
Right.
The only non-white person in this group.
She might as well be white.
Betsy DeVos, another connection through, um, Eric, what's his name?
Eric, um, fuck, Eric Blackwater.
Yeah, it's not Blackwater anymore, but it's, uh, it's, it's, it's his sister.
Um, and then Linda McMahon, you know, pulled herself up by her, uh, bootstraps.
Turnbuckle.
Yeah, I was going to say turnbuckle over the rope.
Uh, yeah.
Thanks, Lee.
Uh, what is her position?
Linda's?
I forget.
Small business administration.
You know, small businesses like the WWE, the human circus that is the WWE.
Small business, wasn't that the name of one of the little people wrestlers that they exploited back in the 80s?
You mean back in the mid-2000s?
Fuck.
I don't watch wrestling, I guess that was much too charitable.
What's really terrifying about this picture is that a lot of people in our bubbles like to pretend that these type of gnarly conservative women who clearly don't care about the goodwill of people, let alone women, are You know, the minority?
If you look at them, these look- go to any school in a mod- you know, like a upper-middle class community, and you will see every single one of these women waiting for their kids to come out.
This group of women looks like every single field trip I've been on.
These are people that we know.
Yeah.
These people exist everywhere.
I don't know where you're going with this bit.
White women are terrifying.
They're scary, dude.
For sure, they're scary.
Except for you, Lee.
Except for you.
I agree.
Well, you're not.
Actually, I'm a little afraid.
Should we get to this first comment?
Lee, do you have anything to add about this illustrious, prestigious group of queens?
No, I mean... These are, yeah, these are all...
Lovely, lovely faces of the Republican Party.
The women of the Republican Party.
I think Bob, Bob Cindy Kemblowski is gonna say it all for us.
Hey dude, why do you gotta hit that Blowski so hard, dude?
You got something against Polish people, bro?
I was trying not to say Kemblowski.
You did good until then.
I want to respect this couple, which is probably very familiar with the idea of marital respect, seeing as how they have a joint account.
I love it.
I wonder who's posting here.
Bob Cindy Kemblowski says, These women are beautiful, smart, and strong.
Awesome.
I rest my case.
Cool.
They keep going.
They're conservative women versus liberal women.
Haggard, delusional, and weak-minded socialists.
Whoa.
Also, I'd put my money, moneybags, on any of these women in a fistfight versus liberal men, media, oh yeah, women too.
Trump 2020, flexing bicep, thumbs up, American flag, American flag.
Oh yeah, women too?
What the fuck?
She's saying like, if you want equality, like you're also gonna get hit.
Yeah.
Just for the record, just for the record, Stone Cold Steve Austin has come out against Donald Trump.
Stone Cold Steve Austin says he does not fuck with Trump, he does have his things, he's problematic, but they would consider him a liberal in a lot of his views.
Stone Cold Steve Austin has for sure given Linda McMahon, a woman in this category, a Stone Cold Stunner.
Have you seen it?
It is real.
Pretty cool.
It happened at one of the WrestleManias, and that's a real thing that happened.
Who among us has not been stunned by Stone Cold?
Right.
Every time I see him.
Every time I see him.
Dude, I drank his beer and I was stunned by that, too.
That is the best stat about this cabinet, is that two people in the White House have been Stone Cold stunned.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait till that pee take comes out.
I think I could probably take any of these ladies, to be honest with you.
Facts.
But aren't you also like a black belt in several forms of martial arts?
You can say yeah, because no one will take you to task on it.
You can just claim it.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Beth Postema says, uh, that's not torture.
You know what is?
Watching as flames surround you and realizing the only two fates you have are to either jump out a window on the hundredth floor or be engulfed in flames to your death.
Real common take.
Real common.
The 9-11 was the torture.
You know.
No, yeah, they tortured like 3,000 people at once, therefore anyone suspected of terror automatically deserves to be mock-executed 3,000 times.
Yeah.
You don't even have to be involved in terrorism, you just have to have a certain amount of syllables in your name.
And once you hit about nine syllables, you can be waterboarded.
Like, for sure.
Uh, this was... We got into the waterboarding thing quickly here, but um... This is a take.
That's not torture.
This is torture.
Like, more than one thing can be torture.
Yeah.
A multitude of things.
I keep seeing that they think that there's some difference between...
Mental torture and psychological torture and physical torture, but I don't think any of these people actually understand how pain works because pain is mental.
So to separate the two is kind of laughable to me.
I thought pain was just weakness leaving the body.
Or is it pleasure?
I can't remember.
See, that's why we need to stop waterboarding these people, because they're just going to get buff.
Like, getting waterboarded is so much pain that it's like you've been in the gym for, like, two weeks.
Or they're going to get horny, you know?
Because they'll, like, get a cool, like, fetish for it or whatever.
Buff or boners.
Nothing gets me going like a wad.
It's a CrossFit joke.
Oh yeah, I'm not.
Should we call up my brother-in-law and have him explain it to us?
I just feel like, I feel like the person that gets aroused by exercise also loves, does CrossFit.
But that's tight though.
I mean, do it.
You know, get your body going.
That's sick.
I know some sick bots from there.
You know, waterboarding's not torture.
You know what's torture?
Burpees.
Tell me about it.
Alright, so yeah, this is a post from the National Republican Senatorial Committee.
Congrats to Gina Haspel for becoming the first female CIA director.
Thank you for serving our country.
And you know what I bet, like, yeah, sure, like, the libs are super triggered about, like, the first woman, uh, becoming CIA director, like, under Trump.
Like, they're upset about that.
Uh, I bet they're even more upset about the fact that her name is Gina, and they didn't get to be the one to put a Gina in the director's chair.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh my god.
Gina.
Yeah.
This picture is so scary.
This picture is, it's, it's just like her, you know, office photo, the White House, whatever, CIA photo.
Flags in the back and her smiling.
But it looks like a baseball trading card.
Yeah.
It says, congratulations, Gina Haspel, CIA director.
And what's crazy about this picture is she looks so sweet.
She looks so sweet.
It's frightening.
I would, I would eat her cookies any day.
No, no.
No, I'd eat her cookies for sure.
Like, she seems so nice.
She's the kind of lady that asks to speak to the manager because you have 17 items in the express lane.
She's definitely got some like... So she follows the rules?
I'm good with that.
She's a fan of efficiency?
I'm good with that.
The order is good.
Yeah, order is good.
I don't know how you could... She's got some undercurrent going.
I don't know how you could, like, suspect Hillary Clinton of stretching a child's face over her own face, and then look at this picture and see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah.
She looks like she has a child's face stretched over her face.
Yeah, it's like a weirdly featureless mask she's wearing.
Yeah, she's like... I feel like she would live in that town where Get Out takes place, and like...
Bid on the new arrival, you know?
She's definitely missing a pearl necklace.
Oh, for sure.
Yeah, no jokes.
Moving on.
I would never make a joke about giving Gina a pearl necklace.
Norman Jacobson says, Congratulations Gina!
Make sure you pay the CIA's water bill because we don't want to see your water shut off.
Wait, I don't get it.
You're gonna need all the water for all the waterboarding you're doing.
Oh, damn.
Oh my god.
That's dumb as fuck.
Someone should tell Norman about the drought.
God.
Yeah, why don't they use something other than water?
Like, you know, like fruit punch or something that's, you know, or like gray water.
Use gray water.
Yeah, right.
We came to that conclusion a couple episodes ago.
You want to read your comments?
Sure.
This might be a thing.
Bruno Kupo says the red wave is gaining steam while the blue wave is petering out and then he had a photo of like a wave that had been turned red by photoshop and I just couldn't think of anything but menstruation and I don't know I knew it.
I knew that's where you're going.
I'm clued in.
I didn't.
I was thinking of like... Go ahead.
The... I mean, the Crimson Wave was made popular by, you know, Cher and Clueless, so that's like the first thing that came to my mind is, okay, how do they not know that they're definitely talking about periods here?
And the meme is like a period meme, like I'm sure it's not like a... And that's why you can't be CIA director.
that gift to explain how I felt during that time of the month. - And that's why you can't be CIA director. - Yeah, 'cause I was gonna say I'm no-- - 'Cause I've got blood coming out of my whatever, you know? - I'm not gonna say I'm an expert on how a female's body works, but when I look at her, the last thing I think of is menstruation.
I feel like menstruation is either in the not-so-distant past or coming to an end.
Like her menstruation gas meter's on the low.
I don't think there's any more eggs in her coop.
So now she's stable and she can do the job.
That's why they let her in!
Dude, makes sense.
Yeah, well, it's funny the juxtaposition.
The listener can't see this, but on the slideshow that we work from with these comments and this photo of Gina Haspel, it's interesting that the red wave is cresting toward Gina Haspel's big white moon face.
She is a moon face lady.
She is, yeah.
Now, when I see a red wave, I just think of, like, when the ocean gets too toxic and you're not supposed to swim in it because of all the algae.
Or whatever it is.
Red tide?
Yeah, red tide.
Oh, man.
Go ahead with this.
I was just gonna say, moon face, she could be Dwight Schrute's aunt or something.
It should be Charlie Cuxin.
Yeah, absolutely.
The red wave is beet juice, and it all makes sense.
It all makes sense.
Damn, girl.
Damn.
All right.
Now that you've made an office joke, we have to stop doing the show.
Okay.
Nah, we do it every episode, I think.
Maybe.
Go ahead with this next one, Leigh.
Okay, so Bob Weatherford says, Trump 1, Senator Juan McPain 0.
What the fuck, dude?
Man, there's more to this comment, so just keep going before we explode.
Game, set, and match.
Honor always wins in the end.
McLame has no honor.
And it got four likes!
Damn.
Insane.
They want him to die so bad.
Like, Juan, why Juan?
Because he's a Democrat and he likes brown people.
Yeah, he's sympathetic towards people of color.
I don't even know if he likes brown people, he just doesn't like, outwardly hate them.
I love that they're running this whole- I was being sarcastic, he definitely hates them.
He, uh... What's funny about this is, like, they're running on this... He sucks because he's been tortured, so of course he doesn't like being tortured.
No, he is biased, he is biased, that's true.
Listen, have some honor, like, you got caught.
I love that they call him Mick Payne after being tortured for years.
Yeah, he took it and didn't say a thing.
That's why we call him a pain.
It's actually endearing.
Yeah, he can handle it, dude.
And they also call him Mick Lame because he can't use his arm effectively thanks to torture.
Oh, God.
Mick Lame is the worst fucking sandwich from McDonald's, I swear to God.
Yeah, no, this is right in our wheelhouse, because we got really bad punny derogatory nicknames, and we got two in the same comment referring to the same person.
Pick one, Bob.
You're killing us over here.
Yeah, you make us too happy, dude.
As soon as I saw it, I just rubbed my little hands together.
Did you comment back to Bob?
Nailed it.
Because I feel like sometimes we should thank the people we get the comments from, because they're so good.
We should start doing that, yeah.
So thank you, Bob.
Okay, next comment.
Let's see.
So Mario Soberall says, I wonder if these women were told how to vote by their husbands?
Hillary should be turning in her daytime coffins.
What the fuck?
She's a vampire.
She's a vampire.
Oh, daytime coffin.
Okay.
This is like a, this is like a double joke.
I mean, it's not even a double joke.
It's just one joke, but like, you know, turning in her coffin would be one way to own Hillary Clinton, but then also referring to her as an undead monster, which, you know, man, hey.
And we all know that her husband told her who to vote for.
Yeah.
What is this referring to, Lee?
Where did you get this particular comment from?
Didn't Bill tell her to vote for herself?
I think this was from an article that was from The Hill.
And I don't really, there wasn't any subtext or context for it.
He just I just thought Daytime Coffin was really funny.
He just goes off, basically.
I just, like, the only thing that could have made it better is if he continued after his five ellipses was because she's a vampire and they sleep in their coffins in the day.
Get it?
Right?
Get it?
Vampire.
She's a vampire.
Hillary sucks.
This guy's definitely like over 50 because of the ellipses.
Only old people end their comments and texts with ellipses.
Do you do one ellipses per decade you've been alive?
Yeah that makes sense.
And so maybe the three ellipses is the 50 mark.
So once you're 50 you can do three just regular ellipses and then every additional dot is another decade.
That's probably right.
That makes a lot of sense.
But isn't the stereotype of a woman being told who to vote for by the husband, doesn't that belong to the Republicans?
Isn't that like a Republican...
No, it's a reference to what Hillary said about female Trump voters only voting for Trump.
Oh, so he's saying this is proof that that didn't happen?
I think so.
Yeah, because those Republican women can't have horrible husbands.
So she defended all the women who voted for Trump by saying that their husbands made them do it?
It wasn't a defense.
It was like an insult.
Okay, but it's sort of an excuse making.
It kind of is.
That's pretty fucking shitty.
Hillary sucks.
But, you know, she's a vampire too, so that's cool.
Get it?
Get it?
Did you know what you did right there?
I never know when I do that shit until after.
I mean, all I want to see is a Hillary Clinton type character in the new What We Do in the Shadows TV reboot, and I'll be happy.
Tight.
Or like a, man, like a fucking American horror story all about Hillary the vampire.
That'd be kind of cool.
Okay, next comment here.
This is my favorite, I think.
Yeah, this one's good.
Rob Jacobs says Gina Haspel is a real-life Jack Bauer.
Like they always said on 24, thank God for people like Jack, and in this case, Gina, because they allow us to sleep easy at night without fear of getting our heads chopped off by terrorists.
That is what they said in every single episode of 24, which was weird.
Not at the time, though.
At the time, it would just seem normal.
But looking back, it's kind of weird that they said every episode Thank God for people like Jack, and in this case Gina, because they allow us to sleep easy at night without fear of getting our heads chopped off by terrorists.
It's like the intro to every episode.
I never watched 24, so I'm glad I know who Jack Bauer is, at least.
Straight propaganda.
Straight American war on terror propaganda.
It was on Fox, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I watched one season of it, but I've heard in later seasons that Jack Bauer's daughter gets stalked by a mountain lion or a cougar of some sort, so if that happens to Gina Haskell, I'm all for it.
Maybe the reference to a cougar was Hillary Clinton.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Yeah, good one.
So fly.
Thanks, thanks.
Okay, next meme.
This is from a page called Enlisted 9 Fight Company.
What the fuck is that?
It's like a clothing company, you know?
It's like, what's his name's clothing company?
Yeah, fucking our guy.
Our number one dude.
What's the name of that clothing company?
We hate him.
Blue Collar Clothes.
Yep.
No, I know what this is, though.
It's like, uh, it's cops, or it's ex-military people doing CrossFit and having clothes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, this meme has a picture of General Mad Dog Mattis, and like I was saying before the episode, like, they, uh, on the right wing, they love Mad Dog Mattis.
They love putting him in memes.
He's their favorite meme boy.
General Meme Dog Mattis.
And, uh...
That's tight.
Top text.
The U.S.
does not use forms of torture such as waterboarding.
Bottom text.
We prefer the term, quote, tactical baptism.
What the fuck?
What the fuck, dude?
Have we talked about- And you're born anew.
Truly though, yeah, you're born newly psychotic, yeah.
We've talked about tactical baptism on the podcast before, right?
My experience with it?
No.
Oh yeah, how my grandma secret baptized my daughter in a tactical baptism.
Oh yeah, you did tell us about that, I think, like, early on.
That's a tactical baptism.
That's what that is.
That's a different shitty thing.
Yeah, they, like, extradited her in an unmarked vehicle to the local church.
Yep.
I saw this like carry all holy water recently.
And like, I think it's like the same, same type of, some type of, you know, approach to marketing.
Like, you know, tactical baptism.
Here's your, your, your, your utility, holy water, you know.
Life hack, life hack.
Just like load it into a super soaker and go to town.
Yeah, it's a cartridge.
Yeah, it's cool.
A quick life hack.
If somebody is near death, any liquid is instantly holy water.
So just you guys know that.
That's a true thing.
Any liquid.
So you can use saliva, whatever you got around.
So that tape that everyone was talking about, that was a different tactical baptizing.
The pee tape, that was a different tactical baptizing.
That's neat.
So this is an interesting meme to me because Mattis is actually like...
Against torture just for like practical purposes not because he's not a psychopath It's just because he knows it's like not as effective as everybody thinks it is It's not an effective way to interrogate a suspect or his subject And I just have a couple interesting Quotes here a couple interesting articles This one is from November 2016 and the headline this is from business insider and the headline is
Is, uh, Marine General Mad Dog Mattis got Trump to rethink his position on torture in under an hour.
Which is just, like, not something really to brag about.
Yeah.
I don't think, at least from the point of view of the leader of the country.
It was real easy.
Yeah, I mean, according to the way that he tweets, he changes his mind under an hour pretty often, so.
The article says, quote, He said, I've never found it to be useful, Mr. Trump said, describing the general's view of torturing terrorism suspects.
He added that Mr. Mattis found more value in building trust and rewarding cooperation with terror suspects.
Quote, Give me a pack of cigarettes and a couple of beers and I'll do better.
Sure.
Trump goes on to say, uh, I was very impressed by that answer.
Which, like, yeah, of course he was.
Like, it sounds cool and Trump's like, oh yeah, that's the, that's our plan from now on.
It sounded pretty cool.
At no point was the word, like, cruel, unusual, inhumane, none of that was ever brought up.
It's just like, dude, this is a waste of resources.
We could be working more efficiently.
We need to really streamline this whole thing.
Right.
And water costs a lot right now.
Yeah, I should have said, uh, yeah, because on the campaign trail, Trump just, like, openly salivated at the idea of torturing anybody he didn't like, protesters, uh, and any sort of Middle Eastern person.
Um, and then, yeah, no, in under an hour, uh, Mad Dog gets him to change his mind.
Uh, but here we have a, uh, an article from, uh, January 2017.
So, two months later.
And this is from The Hill.
Headline, Pentagon.
Mattis still opposes torture despite Trump comment.
Quote, as far as I'm concerned, we have to fight fire with fire.
Now, with that being said, I'm going with General Mattis.
I'm going with my secretary, because I think Pompeo's gonna be phenomenal.
I'm going with what they say, Trump said.
But I have spoken, as recently as 24 hours ago, with people at the highest level of intelligence, and I asked them the question, does it work?
Does torture work?
And the answer was, yes, absolutely, he added.
Oh my god.
So yeah, back on that torture train.
Torture train keeps on rolling!
I have one off topic.
Well, not off topic.
It's about Mad Dog.
Dude, he looks like a dog.
He looks like a puppy dog.
Look at his jowls.
He does.
He's very jowly.
Looks like, um, what's that dog?
Uh, the droopy dog.
What's that?
I'm glad you knew exactly what dog I was talking about.
What is it called when a dog looks like its owner and vice versa?
There's a word for that.
Awesome.
Yeah, there's another word though.
But it's a phenomenon that's very real.
I bet you he has a dog that looks similar to him.
Yeah, that's similar to that phenomenon.
Where, like, when you live with your dog for a certain number of years, you stop becoming sexually attracted to it.
Yeah.
It's like an evolutionary trait to prevent, like, inbreeding between humans and their dogs.
Yeah.
And then your cycles sync up.
So, like, a lady and a female dog are just, like, going around the house just, like, in heat or something?
Is that what... Yeah, the red wave just takes everything over.
Yeah, I like talking about this stuff, man.
Uh, yeah, so they put him in this meme despite him saying no torture's, like, stupid on a practical level.
Yeah.
Um, David Saucier, military man, says, make killing great again.
Good God.
Which is, like, definitely why at least half the people voted for Trump.
Yeah.
I gotta say, David, that's a pretty saucy take, dude.
Yeah, a saucier is literally somebody that makes sauces.
And it's a pretty cool, like, job for sure.
Yeah.
That's true.
You like making sauce?
Yeah.
But I do think, kind of this whole thing that I'm really looking at it, are they saying that he's just saying, yeah, everyone farts.
I'm just not going to go outside talking about how awesome farting is.
Like, I'm still farting, aka torturing, but I'm just not going to condone farting.
I don't want to invite farts, but if farts have to happen, they have to happen.
That's a pretty good metaphor, dude.
I just love this dynamic between, like, how quickly Trump vacillates between any idea because of his fucking sponge brain and his total, like, disregard for what, you know, an actual administrative policy means, what it means to have policies, what it means to have policies in place.
It's just like, no, I feel this way today.
That's what we should do.
Yeah, he doesn't get that concept.
Sue Weedman says, uh, my father-in-law, my F.I.L.
R.I.P.
was a P.O.W.
for 42 months in Japan.
Her Phil was a pal.
He went through the, uh, Batone Death March and survived.
Don't tell me about war and torture.
Waterboarding would have been a walk in the park compared to what these men went through.
Which was a different kind of walk, I guess.
Not one in the park.
It was a different kind.
Yeah, and this is more of that, like, that's not a knife, this is a knife.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Also, I think the baton death march is walking up and down aisles of people hitting you with batons, beating the shit out of you.
Yeah.
And that is, like, that's fucked up, and that's torture of sorts.
Isn't that how you get into Courage Crew?
It's something like that, yeah, I think so.
I think exactly that.
That or the I.E.
Peckerwoods, one of the two, yeah.
Um, but, but they're saying, like, yeah, if we can do this, then, like, that whole thinking you're gonna die thing is no big deal.
If your mind literally only had a process going on because your body's taking over telling you you're drowning, that's just, it's, That's not even that bad.
It's probably refreshing.
The logic behind this whole idea, that's not torture.
If you didn't think it was torture, why would you think it would be an effective method to extract information from somebody?
Boom.
That's it right there, dude.
It's obviously a false argument, but the main thing is these people just like torture.
It doesn't matter what you call it, they just like Violence and torture.
Same reason why you get rubbernecking on the freeway when an accident occurs.
Americans really enjoy that kind of shit.
Which is why I don't think we should declassify any of these CIA memos about torture because it just causes a logjam on the internet.
Everybody's stopping to gawk at it.
Yeah, dude.
No, that's another interesting thing about the CIA, about Gina Haspel's nomination and the confirmation hearings, is that the CIA waged a propaganda campaign.
You can hear about it on the Intercepted podcast, which I recommend.
It's the Intercepts podcast with Jeremy Scahill.
Oh, wow.
And they talk about this, these sort of like Propaganda, a psychological campaign that the CIA waged on Twitter, which is a funny thing to say, but it's like, it's an apt description of it.
Selectively releasing, selectively declassifying things that made Gina look good, while keeping things classified that made her look bad.
And it's like, we already knew enough for her to look bad anyway, but that's beside the point.
And the good stuff is so soft.
It's like, Thursday, March 24th, 2010, Gina did not kick a puppy.
Yeah.
It's nothing that, that, you know, it's not worthy of praise at all.
What they were saying was like, oh, she gets along good with her coworkers.
Like that's what, that's the sort of information they were releasing.
So back to Sue Weedman.
I just got to talk about her avatar because it's fucking amazing.
It's like a legit piece of art that we could use, that we probably will use.
It's her face.
It's like a close-up picture from an open laptop, which is, you know, the... The norm.
Yeah, it's like the boomer headshot.
You know, this is like, this is like the picture that they turn into all the, uh, pissed off right-wingers, three, uh, Fox News fans, etc.
And they're like, okay, you can comment in this area.
I like, I like that.
I like what your style.
Wait, let me see what your cover photo is.
Okay, it's the same exact photo.
Tight.
You're welcome.
It just cropped terribly this time.
I love that song.
You know what I've noticed from doing research for this podcast is that so many of these people that make comments think that the French flag is the American flag.
Oh yeah, like an old one, right?
Just because it's red, white, and blue?
Like after the Cotillon shooting, they had the French flag that you could put, yeah.
There are so many people that think that filter is...
You know, red, white and blue for America.
Haven't changed since that shooting.
They don't realize this is an anti-gun statement?
No, yeah, so this is that picture.
She looks to be about a, you know, 65, 70 year old woman, long hair, looking up serenely, like off camera, like above the laptop's camera.
Like scary.
And there's a there's a filter.
There's an American flag, an actual American flag filter over it, over the whole photo.
This reminds me of... I mean, it's horrifying.
It's like, you're seeing her, like, smile, not making eye contact with the camera at an upward angle.
It's dead behind the eyes.
Yeah.
It reminds me of that... Are we familiar with... Man, what's the movie... What's that documentary about the Jesus Camp?
Oh, it looks like the cover for Jesus Camp, yeah.
It looks like it's called Jesus.
Yeah.
And there was like this gif going around and like, you know, 2008 or something.
And it was like that scene of all the kids having like religious spasms and like crying and shit with like a flashing rainbow raptor face over it.
And it was like psychedelic.
And that's exactly what this reminds me of.
It was like that scene of all the raptors, like.
You know, what are you calling out up to the sky?
And it was like superimposed over that shit.
It was pretty awesome.
It was great.
Hey, can you describe her hairline to us?
No, I can't.
Yeah, because it is cropped out.
Even the top like tenth of her eyebrow is cropped out.
Her forehead is not in the picture at all.
She thinks that's what- She has a mock profile picture.
Her entire neck is in it.
I was gonna say, maybe she thinks this is what threading is, is when you're in a comment section and your eyebrows are cut off by the frame.
It's like digital threading.
She's also got a photo of Santa Claus kneeling at the cross.
Love it.
Which isn't, you know, nothing really more to say than that.
Someday we'll be big enough to put out a seasonal t-shirt and we'll put out this as like a back print.
That'd be so fucking cool, dude.
It would be very cool.
Arthur Cox says, if I were a bad guy and some gal who looks like the librarian, referring to Gina Haspel, Some gal who looks like the librarian literally just cuz she's a woman an older woman I think Came in and hooked me up to a 12-volt battery.
I would jump out of my skin and tell her everything Quietly she wouldn't have to hit the switch.
I would have shut up as soon as she said shh I've been to libraries.
What the fuck does he have a fetish for librarians?
I don't know if that's even a question worth asking.
What's crazy is this is like when the librarian takes off her glasses and lets down her hair and gets sexy.
How do you know that she's a librarian if she doesn't have her hair up with a pencil and horn-rimmed glasses on?
Exactly.
We're rulers.
Nester J. Alvarez says, best comment here, best comment throughout, it's not waterboarding if you use pig blood.
Get it?
I think like that would probably be preferable like a viscous liquid wouldn't enter your tear ducts as easily or like your nasal passages.
Probably would coagulate like quicker too so it won't seep in.
I also love this backhanded acknowledgement that this is happening in a racist fashion.
Listen, if you want to offend the most people, we may as well use pig's blood because a lot of people don't believe in that.
They don't believe in the consumption of pork products.
Oh, but is there any way we can incorporate any more pork products into this waterboarding, bloodboarding?
Yeah, it's, it's, uh, what's, um...
What's the term for, uh, halal?
It's like, super not halal.
You know, it's not halal to eat pig.
It's hell naw.
That didn't work.
That did not work very well.
No, that was good, dude.
I liked that a lot.
Sorry, guys.
It's, it's, you know, it's not halal to eat, uh...
Pork, but it's super not halal to ingest pork through your nasal passages.
Facts.
Even less halal.
Yeah, because it goes to your brain quick.
And then Brandon Miller replies, with bacon instead of a towel over their face.
Which, like, defeats the purpose entirely.
Yeah, you can chew the bacon and swallow it and survive.
Also, the bacon doesn't absorb water and cling to your nose and your throat.
Also, who doesn't want bacon shoved down their throat?
But it's raw bacon, though, right?
I'm sure it's uncooked.
That's what I imagine.
You know?
I like my bacon all kinds of ways.
Or like one of those bacon weaves, like on, uh, what's that, uh, epically food time?
Uh, it's, no, it's definitely bacon that's been, like, cooked on the muzzle of an AK-47.
Tied dudes.
Yeah.
And then Chase Hagler replies, That's a waste of bacon though.
It is far too delicious to let them get the pleasure of that sin.
I think this is my favorite comment, because it's just like, God dammit dude, you're a fucking bacon boy?
Like, what the hell?
I mean, it's a pretty epic comment.
Dude, they are all bacon boys.
Dude, what if Epic Mealtime did a fucking, uh... getting... getting a waterboard of pig blood?
A gravy waterboarding?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bacon instead of... That would really suck.
Yeah!
We should put that in their suggestions.
Oh yeah, what if, like, they used pizza on their face?
Because, like, pizza fucking rules, right?
Pizza's tight.
And you don't let them have a mustache or a beard.
That's our thing.
That's us.
Shave them down.
I am one more wrong white guy complimenting my beard than just shaving it all off.
You probably are.
I'm about to shave my whole face off.
Nope.
Well, donate it to the Hillary Clinton for 2020 campaign.
I know, she'll use it.
Pizzagate.
appeal to a more broad audience pizza gate maybe brown men this time okay so next next slide um this is a uh this is a thing that happened uh remember speaking Speaking of pizza jokes.
Fox News reports, Green Beret and former UFC fighter Tim Kennedy waterboarded himself on Saturday to help prove that the controversial interrogation technique is not torture amid debate on Capitol Hill about President Trump's pick to lead the CIA.
That is only a headline that could come from Fox News.
Like, so badly worded.
No, and I love the way they...
Well, it's worded specifically right here to help prove that the controversial interrogation technique is not torture.
Not even saying, like, prove isn't even in quotes.
Like, this is their, they're asserting that this dude is helping proving, helping to prove that it's not torture.
He did it.
There's his evidence.
But this is really not fair.
This is, this is kind of like, I mean, if this isn't, uh, man privilege, manly privilege, like I've ever seen before, yeah, of course this dude can, like, take it.
Of course it's not tortured him.
He's the manliest man that's ever manned.
He's not only a Green Beret, he's a former UFC fighter, which apparently are, like, on the same level to these people?
Oh yeah, absolutely.
They're unchangeable, for sure.
He also was in like a couple UFC fights as like an unpaid, barely continuing, you know, whatever.
Somebody who gets paid to fight their co-workers?
Dude, someone's getting so mad because I don't know about his actual UFC record.
He sucks, I'm sure he lost a bunch.
You don't have to do this, Lee, because I don't know if you have it primed up.
But let's go ahead and watch the video of him being waterboarded.
So cool.
I'm really glad he did this.
This is so professional.
His bro is recording him in the background with his iPhone.
Okay, that's it.
It was already over.
Yeah, it's literally 10 seconds.
It's 10 seconds long of him wearing a towel, laying prone on a table and just somebody like shooting water at him out of a hose.
Yeah.
He's got his CrossFit spotter right there with him and shit.
And it's, uh, here's the quote from the article.
We did this yesterday for almost 45 minutes.
The average pour was anywhere from 10 to 60.
Uh, seconds.
Oh, not gallons?
Yeah, I was like, what?
I think it's gallons.
Uh, what's the, uh, what's the CCs?
I thought we were talking CCs here.
10 to 60.
Imagine if that was CBD oil.
Hey!
Hey, you'd be feeling real nice.
They wouldn't tell me when they were going to put the towel on.
They would just smash it on my face and start pouring.
You can't hold your breath while they do it because the water runs down your sinuses, Kennedy wrote.
The water runs through your eyes, down your nose, and pools at the back of your throat.
It was baptism in freedom.
What?
It's not torture!
Hell, we had elk tacos and wine afterwards.
Wake up, people!
Dude, what the- It was a baptism in freedom?
Yeah, tactical baptism and freedom.
That sentence kind of like shakes me to the core, like that is some weird fucked up propaganda, weird shit there, dude.
Right?
Like, that's strange.
No, that's a meme that was like... Well, everyone knows that elk doesn't go in tacos.
It's a very chewy meat.
Yeah, that's the most offensive part of this, to be honest.
You got a sausage and elk.
Juan McPain could have told you that elk don't go in tacos.
Yeah, man.
Our resident taco aficionado.
Yeah, so just to describe the video further.
He's not being held down.
He's not being strapped.
He's not at an incline.
It's just his bros at a backyard party spraying him down.
It looks a lot like how you would like Wake up your kid brother in a mean fashion in like a movie.
Yeah, like I don't know how to make this funny, but basically waterboarding you're locked in a room fucking people come in they hold a towel down over your face like it's pressed onto your face with force the whole time and you're sprayed down for years!
This happens for fucking years, as we just read.
This is not, oh hey, I'm gonna do a viral video for, uh, I don't know, what did he say, 45 minutes?
He said 45 minutes, yeah.
Knowing that your, knowing that your bros aren't actually going to kill you.
So it's, I don't know, it's, you know, obviously not comparable, and people, even people in this comment section were like, uh, it's really not at all the same thing.
At all.
It's funny how people don't know what waterboarding is, and in the brief Googling I did about waterboarding, I found multiple cases in the past few years of people going to court for being pressed charges for torture for waterboarding people.
Like the guy, I brought up an article earlier, a guy earlier this year waterboarded his wife, held her prisoner and waterboarded her, and he's getting taken to court for charges of torture.
That's insane, but I think justice will be served as the jury of his peers will be made up of 12 Facebook commentators who know that waterboarding is not torture.
Right.
He'll be cleared of all charges.
Like I saw, I actually saw that video, the live stream on Facebook of the guy.
All you have to do is give your wife elk tacos afterward.
Yeah, and wine.
You think waterboarding is torture?
Try sitting through an episode of The Bachelorette.
Listen to Hillary Clinton give a speech.
You think waterboarding is torture?
- Do something, yeah. - Listen to Hillary Clinton give a speech. - Try, I wish somebody would have been like, you think waterboarding is torture, how about giving birth?
'Cause that's an angle I can maybe fuck with.
Yeah, that's an interesting take.
But no one went there.
No.
They can't do it right.
Do you want to read your comments from this, Lee?
I will read it if... I will read Suzanne's part if someone wants to be Corey.
I'll Corey it up.
Can you make it bigger?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay, so in disregard, the rest of Corey's comment is to the right there.
Disregard that Joseph Bouchard comment.
Okay.
Got it.
Okay.
So this is, as a parent, this is like terrifying, but so Suzanne Harris says, look, I've said it before and I'll say it again.
My 17 year old said this several years ago because they were curious.
It is not torture.
You know how you experiment with your friends by simulating death on them?
Your kids?
It is unpleasant and scary, but torture, give me a break.
Those same 17-year-olds never wanted to try a bamboo under their fingernails.
Yeah, well, that's because they were too busy tapping away on their iPhones.
Yeah.
They didn't want their mom to ask them, like, have you been smoking pot?
And then they're like, no, and then obviously they fail that fucking lie detector test.
Well, it's kind of like when I told my mom that I'd get this weird sensation when I was, like, short of breath or choking.
So she just encouraged me to find a spot or when I would suspend myself and jerk off.
I think that we should encourage our kids to, you know, find themselves.
Yeah.
We don't want a David Carradine scenario happening.
Exactly.
Not when they're so young.
Okay, go ahead.
And from what it sounds like, you just need a twin.
Exactly.
So, yeah, Tony, go ahead and read Corey's response to Suzanne.
Define did this.
Like one kidnapped the other, wore a mask the whole time and didn't.
There's a weird comment there.
Wore a mask the whole time and didn't let the other know they were just messing around.
Because there's a difference between knowing you're relatively safe and me coming into your house unexpectedly and doing this to you for two days straight.
And you have no idea if I can resuscitate you if you go out. - Okay.
That being said, I'm sure terrorists doing this is slightly different to us doing this as we probably put more thought into it.
This comes out of left field.
Yeah, what the fuck?
As we probably put more thought into it, but still a form of torture, psychological.
Just to put it home, this is more than physical, this is psychological.
No, you can tell when we do it to terror suspects, it's not like...
We went to the fucking grocery store on the way home and like grabbed a couple bottles of water and we're like, oh, uh, here you go.
Happy, happy baptismal?
Happy freedom baptize?
No, it's like we put the work in and we order like a special carafe for the water and like we get their name.
Uh, what is it called?
Uh, glazed on the side.
Yeah, exactly.
On a towel.
Put more thought into it.
Well, like, I mean, any, any, like, you know, real man would be used to this anyways, because, like, this is exactly what they did to me when I joined my fraternity.
Uh, it was pretty fun.
Yeah, the sodomy and everything.
They kidnapped me and, uh, tortured me, but then I got this sick-ass shirt.
They kicked me out, because I, like, never paid my dues.
But, um, it was cool.
Lots of chicks at the parties.
Hey, make it- Lots of chicks.
Make it beer, and you can simulate drowning on me anytime.
You feel me?
Like a real hoppy IPA.
You can't beerbong a hoppy IPA, dude.
Which one then?
Like a Pilsner?
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, you can, but you'd be real fucking screwed up.
I'm gonna make a real hop bomb called like a water boarder.
Hop bomb.
This is totally gonna contribute to the stereotype of me being a wine mom, but I have totally beerbonged.
I had like two glasses of wine before.
I don't recommend it.
Hell yeah.
You probably were fucked up, dude.
I've uh, I've definitely shotgunned a, um, uh, what's that can of wine?
There's a can of wine that's so popular.
That's nice.
But I shotgunned one of those for sure.
That was pretty cool.
Are we reading this last response from Susan?
Suzanne?
You got it.
She says, it's scary, but it isn't torture, in quotes.
Yeah, thinking you're dying or literally drowning, that's not torture at all.
You know, you being scared, that's not torture.
Me being scared of the terrorists is torture.
Yeah!
Well, it's cool.
It's like you can reach enlightenment without abusing drugs like acid or DMT.
You can just have a near-death experience by actually having a near-death experience.
Oh yeah, think about all the DMT that gets released into your brain.
Oh man, dude.
I can't wait till, like, a Guantanamo detainee goes on Joe Rogan and talks about his experience.
I'd be glad that that happened to him and all that kind of shit.
Okay, that's it for torture now.
Is it?
No.
I didn't know if you were referring to Donald Trump's 8-year term in office or this next topic.
You mean his 16-year term?
Yeah.
Okay, so this next topic hit pretty close to home.
As it took place in our backyard.
Yeah, man Michael Motes Twitter guy verified.
I think he writes for like the blaze and Fox News, etc Took a picture like I don't mean he like took the photograph himself, but he copied and pasted a picture of a San Bernardino County Sheriff Kneeling at his squad car, praying, and then wrote this caption to it.
The San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department is under scrutiny for posting a photo of a deputy praying before his shift.
If you support this deputy and his department's decision, share this.
No statement on what that decision is or what the scrutiny is.
Uh, but share, share away folks.
And, and share people did.
Uh, with like 50,000 retweets or likes or whatever.
This made it all the way across Facebook.
It made it on Instagram.
Uh, one of like the really bad Instagram accounts I follow on the MinionDeathCult Instagram.
Posted this and I was just like I scrolled by it pretty quick, you know And I just saw a cop praying and I was like, okay cool And then the word San Bernardino caught my eye because that's where we are right now We're in San Bernardino.
See that sheriff car like catches my eye like a motherfucker because I grew up in the mountains Where it's like technically like you're under your unincorporated area.
So you're under sheriff jurisdiction.
So You know here we're actually technically not in a city Alright, we're in an unincorporated part of San Bernardino.
This doesn't make me feel anything.
I've never had an encounter with a police officer, so... Oh, yeah.
Not in San Bernardino.
Yeah, yeah.
Never.
So, go ahead.
Yeah, so, uh, the place I'm getting comments from for this post, uh, a couple places, but the main one was, uh, For God and Country.
An account, and this post had... 9.9 thousand like, love, cry reactions.
And, uh, 29 thousand shares.
Okay.
This is just one instance of this post on Facebook.
Another one was from that, like, what was it, like, like, Police Officer Todd, with like a million point five followers, also shared this bullshit.
God.
And I was like, um...
What, what is this scrutiny?
What is this supposed scrutiny that happened?
And so I went to Google, and I searched, uh, San Bernardino Sheriff Department under scrutiny.
Trying to look for this, this prayer post.
And the top eight results are, San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department settles last inmate abuse case.
Grand jury complaint spurs another probe into San Bernardino County deputies use of force under investigation in San Bernardino apparent use of force caught on camera prompts investigation.
Uh, and it's, it's all that San Bernardino County deputies handled suspects like a puppet.
Good God.
Video of San Bernardino County Sheriff's department punching, kicking suspect.
Uh, yeah.
So, I mean, I guess they're under scrutiny unfairly for kicking somebody in handcuffs a few times.
I think it was also in Southern California where that cop ground-pounded that woman on the side of the freeway.
Do we remember that?
Yeah.
Yeah, so, yeah, they're under scrutiny, but for all the wrong reasons.
You know, we don't say this enough, but... Fuck the Sheriff's Department, man.
Fuck them.
I don't think we have to be that narrow.
Well, I know.
I mean, we, you know, it's just a sub subsidiary of, you know, fuck cops.
Uh, yeah, this is stupid.
Like San Marino is a, is a good place with good, wholesome Christian boys walking down the streets.
Yeah.
It wasn't San Marino County where my own dad got his arm broken in four places during a routine traffic stop.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
You know, like, fuck out of here.
Yeah.
Well, did the cop pray before he did that?
I think that was one of those.
What it was is that my dad's cross necklace was tucked in, and once they broke the arm, it fell out and they left him alone.
Oh yeah.
So yeah, they were a good occurrence.
But he was listening to, um, I think, I think the write-up said, listening to Jungle Jazz.
Uh, really loud.
And um, so I think that's why they pulled him over, he was being too loud, his speakers were too loud.
Oh my god.
But yeah, they broke his arm in four places, so.
It's cool.
It's cool stuff.
I looked for the source of this.
The source of this photograph is literally a photograph posted by the Yucaipa Police Department.
It's this dude who is in Yucaipa, praying, and it's just like police propaganda.
They're the sheriff too, you know?
Yeah.
Right, they contract out to the sheriff's department, and We'll get into it later, but yeah, it was just posted like, you know, deputy praise for the safety of him and his co-workers, and it was like 10,000 likes, nothing but positive comments in the comments section.
The San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department Instagram posted it.
Nothing but positive comments.
No scrutiny whatsoever.
This dude, Michael Motes on Twitter, just added this caption himself.
Yeah.
Under scrutiny.
Yeah.
Top comments on, I believe it was that, you know, Officer Bob's Funny Channel or whatever you sent us, Leigh.
Yeah, that was shared by my aunt.
The top comments, literally the top comments on this post from that account were from Daniel Paul who says, as an atheist, now just imagine like my voice is being slightly muffled by the neck beard that has grown upward defying gravity and is covering my mouth.
As an atheist, I can't imagine anyone has a problem with this.
I sure don't.
Your thing is different from my thing.
Do you.
Stay safe.
3,000 likes.
There's a comment in that comment thread that's been, you know, highlighted, brought to our attention by Facebook.
It says, as a fellow atheist, I wholeheartedly concur.
Cool.
Atheists, I mean, they can suck pretty bad too.
They do a lot, actually.
You know what sucks more than a self-righteous atheist?
Like a fucking soft pushover atheist.
No, yeah, as an atheist myself, as like a vegan, crossfit, transgender, Apache helicopter atheist, I'm also really gullible when it comes to Christian propaganda.
Yeah.
He's just doing him, leave him alone.
Another comment here from RM Avila says, God bless him.
I support his right to pray anytime, as is his God-given right to do so.
Really hammering home the fact that it's a right.
This personal moment was never meant to become publicized.
Prayer is between the individual and his God.
It saddens me that it has become political.
So wow, RM Avila really taking the Yucaipa Police Department to task for posting this and making it political.
Right.
Yeah, this was definitely meant to be a viral sensation, I'm sure.
Yeah.
And there were a few comments like that that were like, screw whoever took this picture without his permission, with the intent of making it political.
And I'm like, yeah, no, I agree.
Yeah, they're fucking assholes.
Fuck you, cops.
It's like you have the right to take a knee and say a prayer any time you want, but I also reserve the right to boo you as I walk by.
Yes.
I'll see how that plays out for me, but, um, yeah.
It'd be different for you than if I did it.
Possibly, I think.
Josh Codney says, keep praying.
It's a free country.
For example, I'm going AWOL for all of my court appearances.
They can feel free to find me in the woods.
This is my turf.
I'll be praying for them.
What the f- This guy's a psycho, dude.
I love it.
I'm a legit psycho.
That's the Unabomber stuff there.
And I read this, the first couple phrases, keep praying, it's a free country.
I read this as, keep praying, I'm reloading.
Cool bumper sticker.
That is a bumper sticker, I think.
Be a sweet bumper sticker.
Fuck, dude.
Wap hasher, which I can say is the resident Italian here.
I guess you can say it too, Tony, right?
Yeah, yeah, we share that privilege.
I probably have a little.
I don't know if that was one of those ones.
I don't think I do.
No, you can say the n-word is a 1% Nigerian.
Yeah.
But not the w-word.
And by the n-word we do mean the word nah.
Nah, B. Can I say B?
Yeah, sure, sure.
Go for it.
Oh, yeah, I could say that.
Oh, damn.
You can say B, but you just can't say the B word.
Black.
Right.
Yeah.
Fuck.
There was a lot of meta joking.
Panther who happens to be black.
Dude, there's a lot of meta happening now.
WopHasher says, So Colin Capper, whatever his name is, takes a knee, and you all support his bullshit stance, but this officer can't pray?
Drink bleach.
So advising the Black Lives Matter movement to drink bleach and help make them better and more white.
I like this because, uh, This officer literally can pray.
He's doing it, right here.
Colin Kaepernick literally can't take a knee.
Literally can't take a knee and keep his job.
Maybe there's a difference here.
The narrative here is actually all fucked up.
What the real truth is that the officer is actually like a snowflake libtard and his partner, whenever he would try to get in the car, would play the national anthem and would force him to take a knee.
So then he gets shotgun.
Oh shit.
Okay.
I get it.
I think.
But I mean it's kind of like, it's kind of a double-edged sword because he has to stand also while playing the anthem.
So like, both of them are technically incapacitated.
By which I mean we should just be blasting the National Anthem through all radio frequencies so that officers are unable to actually drive their vehicles and get around.
No, actually, what happened, the loophole is that the snowflake has taken me, but as long as you have a folded flag, you can march anywhere you want as long as it's in a respectful pace.
And then you just go into the shotgun seat with the flag and then you... As long as you have a rifle, you can march anywhere.
I do take issue technically with Yucaipa Police Department posting this picture of the officer praying just for his own safety because now like there's gonna be those satanic gangs are gonna know that he's a Christian in Target.
You're referencing the...
It's interesting.
lore a little bit, you know, the Satanism that exists in Yucaipa.
Yucaipa is also very much a KKK haven also.
Yeah, Yucaipa is like...
It's interesting.
It's a beautiful city, town, whatever.
Yucaipa is like...
No one's ever said that.
No, it's pretty.
It's in the hills, it's nice, but it's Whitetown for sure.
Yeah, it's, you know, IE is pretty much working class, poor, across the board, but, uh, Yucaipa is where they, like, virtue signal the Confederacy even harder out there.
Um, oh yeah.
I will say that- Isn't there like a- Isn't there like a restaurant in Yucatan that's called like Carl's Country Kitchen with all K's or something like that?
Sorry.
It's called Copper Kettle Cafe.
And it's all K's.
That's lore though.
Hold on.
I don't want to shit on that company.
That's all lore.
That's not- What are you saying that's all lore?
What do you mean by- There was like lore that that place is like racist because it says it's all supposed to be spelled with K's.
But like that's- It's not a racist coffee shop.
It's more like- No it's not.
It's more like mom trying to be funny.
So I don't want to put that out on the internet that that's a weird accomplishment, because I don't think it is.
I actually love that place.
But what is funny about Yookaipa is that it is kind of this middle-class, up-and-coming.
They're kind of giving themselves a face.
They do a lot of really interesting things as a city.
They actually kind of care about the kids, which is rad.
But then I've also never seen more Swastika tattoos than I did when I worked in Yookaipa.
So there's a weird balance.
But yeah.
Anyway, it's...
San Marino, right where we live.
You know we must secure existence for the white children or whatever.
No, it's the Jewish children.
You guys co-opted it, remember?
No, yeah, I know.
But they're saying the 14 words up in Yucaipa.
Cindy Keyseeker says, Why can't he pray?
He could do it quietly in his car and you would never know.
So what is the big deal?
What happened to freedom of religion?
It didn't interfere with his job in any way.
And Matt Davey, channeling all of us, says, Why do you believe everything you read on Facebook?
Can you find me one complaint about this?
One?
And Cindy replies, Each to his own opinion.
It is.
The Boomer Sentiment, in a nutshell.
I am of the opinion that this action was under scrutiny.
It's just my opinion, don't tread on me.
It absolutely was.
This is San Bernardino County, but in Riverside County, there was a cop who was praying in a coffee bean and tea leaf and this guy is like, hey, fucking, I don't like your costume and starts yelling at this cop.
Um, and it was verbally assaulting this cop with like hateful.
Oh, sorry.
This is a Muslim woman at a coffee bean and tea leaf that was being yelled at by a white guy in the same area as this happening.
So yeah, you really can't express yourself, your religious freedoms like at all because you will be accosted by some crazy angry white man.
That happened.
Yeah, I love this to each to his own opinion.
Really sums up the American ethos at this point.
Just not even like a bubble because somebody is coming into your bubble and saying, hey, like, like this thing isn't true.
You know, they're like, well, no, it's my opinion that it's true.
Don't tell me how I feel.
I dated some guy who could never be wrong about anything, so you couldn't have any sort of discussion or argument with him.
Towards the end of our relationship, I just kind of stopped caring and would argue with him about everything.
We had an argument once where he tried to tell me that Islam was a place.
I said, no, not yet.
It is not a place.
It's a religion.
And he said, no, it's called the Nation of Islam.
Hold up.
What the fuck?
And so Google existed.
And I proved to him that Islam was indeed not a place, and the nation of Islam was indeed not a place, and to which he responded that, well, let's just agree to disagree.
Amicable in defeat, I say.
Right, right.
A good loser.
So we definitely agreed that we disagreed on that fact.
Um, not to like, like, you know, shit on your knowledge or anything, but, um, if the Nation of Islam isn't real, then where am I going on vacation next month?
Because I've booked a full, all-expensive paid ride to the Nation of Islam, and it's going to be beautiful.
If the Nation of Islam doesn't exist, then why have I been paying taxes to Farrakhan?
I'm only going on this because I know that I'll never, like, I won't have to deal with any pork products.
Are you going to have to sit through, like, a two-hour demonstration on a timeshare?
Because I don't think you want to do that.
No, we do that on the flight.
Oh, nice.
But you don't have to watch it.
You can do whatever you want.
It just plays on the screen if I want.
Yeah, um, I want to steal some Nation of Islam valor by wearing a suit and bow tie.
And all the prestige that that entails.
By the way, I'd like to finally, um, I want to go ahead and condemn Pee Wee Herman for the appropriation of the nation and the bow tie.
You don't appreciate you.
Listen, my culture is not a goddamn costume.
Fuck you, Pee Wee Herman.
Alright, final slide on this subject.
This was a common reaction to this story.
Michael Kim says, Have you guys been to San Bernardino?
Shit, I'd be praying too.
LOL.
Fuck you, Michael.
And, uh, yeah, San Bernardino has its problems, like an extraordinarily high murder rate.
And, you know, I think the second city in the country to go bankrupt, uh, you know, after Detroit.
But, um... But this was in Yucaipa.
This is not in the city of San Bernardino, which is pretty rough.
This was in Yucaipa, where there are probably, like, more empty fields than there are liquor stores.
There is some rough, like, trailer parks, like, kind of like in any town.
Like, there'll be, like, some poorer people.
But, like, yeah, it's definitely, like I said, it's a white town.
But there are twice as many acres of track homes as there are empty lots.
True.
So it's fine.
Yeah, they're fine.
And then I got a lot of interesting cover photos from these comment sections, these ProCop comment sections.
Welcome to ProCop Pinterest.
Yeah, that's exactly what this is.
This is like pro cop fucking Bed Bath and Beyond.
One of the cover photos I saw was like, it's like the coexist bumper sticker, but instead it says love, and it's spelled, the L is a handgun pointing upright. 22.
The O is a heart with the Blue Lives Matter flag in the middle of it.
The V... It's CrossFit font flag.
Yeah.
The V is the mag light and a baton meeting at the bottom at an angle for a V. And the E is an open pair of handcuffs.
So literally, except for the heart, everything in here is a weapon.
Everything in here is used to hurt people.
And it spells out love.
And this isn't even in like the ironic coexist way where it's like a grenade and like a rocket launcher or something.
This is like, no, this is genuinely meant to express love and it's all the weapons that cops use to hurt people.
Well, I mean, what you might understand about cop culture is that, um, the cop subculture, weapons are very prevalent, pain is very prevalent, but the number one, um, mantra amongst the police department, they have sure to say it, um, I believe the first two rules are, um, uh, communicate and play hard.
Those are like the go-to BDSM rules.
- Oh.
- God.
- Yeah, the-- - Yawing freaks.
- Yeah, no, the safe word is like what?
Blue lives matter?
Well, I guess technically the E is made up by an open set of handcuffs, so maybe that's like symbolizing freedom, or it's more likely symbolizing a rough ride where they throw you in the back of a wagon and don't actually secure you to anything.
I'm gonna go to the BDSM thing again and say that's an open invitation for love, that handcuff.
Oh, yeah.
The other interesting cover photo I found, cover photo, oh, by the way, that love cover photo literally belonged to a white woman named Becky.
Probably the most Becky thing I've ever seen.
This other one belongs to a woman named Kaylee, No way to tell what race that name belongs to.
But the cover for the avatar is a stethoscope that's been like, what do you call it?
What's the word for, like, curved into itself so that it loops?
It's been, like, shaped into a heart.
But the loop of the stethoscope, you know, is the Blue Lives Matter heart.
This is the most, like, this is such a pinpoint demographic.
Like, conservative nurses is, like, such a demographic.
Like, conservative phlebotomists.
It's a niche.
Nurses are unions, so they support other working class people like cops.
Right.
Exactly.
And I mean, they're like a, it's like, I mean, it makes sense being, you know, it's like a symbiotic relationship.
Like when that man you've been choking loses consciousness, then your nurse wife can come and pretend to try and resuscitate him.
The cover photo, though, is kind of like the main event here.
The cover photo is the simple Blue Lives Matter flag.
It's not really a flag, it's just a thin blue line.
Like, back in the day before we had the mass-produced flag, it was just like a side-to-side blue stripe.
It's made out of a box of shotgun shells.
A stripe of black shotgun shells, a stripe of blue shotgun shells, and then a stripe of black shotgun shells again.
These people are fucking up.
They're fucked up.
They're not doing this thing correctly.
Yeah.
Not even close.
This is the most beautiful statement piece.
It's actually 400 bullets that have been painted both black and blue and arranged in this pattern.
Right.
And that's one bullet for every person that has been killed by a police officer in 2018.
That's right.
There have been 400 people killed by police officers.
In 2018.
Hey, but it's a dangerous job, you know, like, at least a few police officers have died this year.
Including, yeah, very true.
Yeah.
Including one person who was just murdered last month in San Bernardino County, in Redlands.
I thought this was a cool Mike Kelly piece that I saw at the MOCA.
Yeah.
No, it genuinely looks like anti-cop art, right?
Yeah, totally, yeah.
But to them it looks badass.
Yeah, no, like, make a Blue Lives Matter flag out of... I don't know, what's another thing we could make a Blue Lives Matter flag out of that would appeal to this demographic?
Knives?
No.
Like, I feel like one of these letters in love could be made by, like, the arc of a taser being held on for 20 minutes.
Mac McFarlane says... Angles!
Yeah, another avatar made by an open laptop says... We support this officer!
His right to religion!
Why you gotta do the sticky caps, dude, on religion?
Like, barely.
This dude is losing control of his keyboard.
Yeah, he stroked out when he was fucking doing this shit.
59 likes.
That's almost as many friends as he has.
Honestly, the Liberals, we need to be thankful he's praying.
Remember when I was young, my mom would beat me.
She would take a break and say, Lord, give me patience.
Lord, give me patience for this child.
I don't want to murder this child.
Lord, give me patience.
And then we'd subside.
So this cop is just saying a prayer, asking for patience for these colored people.
I think maybe what that cop is praying for, what he should be praying for, is an all-white jury when he goes on trial for manslaughter.
uh chet cosentino says it's dangerous out there especially on low lonely desert trails a friend of mine his sister is a san bernardino sheriff works the off-road trails my jeep was a san bernardino deputy sheriff jeep The oil pan was smashed in from a chase.
This guy bought it in an auction, rebuilt the engine, then I bought it from him.
Okay, cool.
So yeah, it's really dangerous out there because you might hit a protruding rock and, like, make your oil pan leak.
Yeah, like, you know, uh, on the dirt, out in the dirt, you know, out in the desert trails.
Does this make Mackie a hero for what he did to his car in the mountains?
Oh my god, holy shit, dude.
Mackie does not listen to the show, so that was pretty funny when he fucking- It's on Mack McFarlane's thing.
Oh god, that was funny when he ran his car into a snow berm.
Dude, you didn't see it?
On the bottom it says sponsored next to that.
Next to that comment it says sponsored by the San Bernardino County Auction.
Can I get your next car?
I love this, yeah like, oh I know a thing or two about the dangers that cops face because I bought a car at an auction one time.
Yeah, what the fuck?
What a weirdo.
Alright, that's it for the episode.
Thank you so much for joining us, Lee.
It was lovely to have you.
Thanks for having me, guys.
You're the bomb.
But of course, write to us at MinionDeathCult at gmail.com if you want to complain or send us kind words.
Please rate and review the show on iTunes.
We had a lovely review from a big fan on iTunes.
Let me see if I can pull this up real quick.
This is a pretty big bump we got.
So yeah, many thanks to PoopJDSJJSK for saying cool.
It's pretty good, I guess.
Five stars.
And this is a prime example of all you have to do to rate us in iTunes.
This is definitely my favorite review.
I'm so grateful to Poop for doing this because literally all you have to do to review us in iTunes is say, hey, I kind of like it.
It's all right.
Five stars.
Five stars.
Dude, this is on par with the reviews on YKS's review section.
It's pretty sweet.
I'm stoked on this one.
Yeah, listen to Your Kickstarter Sucks for a much more popular podcast than us.
