This week the cult takes on Sinclair Broadcast Group and the cringeful, scripted segment they forced dozens of their local news affiliates to read on-air. We cover varying deranged reactions to the viral supercut, including: No, democracy is actually bad Corporate media is socialist Scripted news segments are like Starbucks: good Also, we cover Easter at the White House, and a youtube comment section absolutely DYING of thirst for Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Premium episodes every week at patreon.com/miniondeathcult
The guy who said that quote is the guy who ratted out Lance Mountain.
Not Lance Mountain, Lance Armstrong.
Didn't Lance Mountain get in trouble for something though?
I don't think so, no he's like perfect.
He got in trouble for like, he taught too many kids how to kickflip.
He got in trouble for bombing a hill and like got arrested.
Dude he still rips, isn't that crazy?
My fucking, my co-worker works with him, or is like best friends with him, used to skate with Lance Mountain way back in the day.
Lance Mountain actually got in trouble but it was like with like the political correctness crowd because like they Thought he was doing 9-1-1 videos instead.
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Oh man.
It was like this big mix-up.
I actually remember that.
They thought it was like instructional videos, like a series of instructional videos on how to call the cops.
On how to 9-1-1.
How to do it.
- I know how to do it.
- Yeah, what's up you freaks?
- This fucking, what's this guy? - I want to talk to you about my job.
I'm in the analysis, opinion, and commentary business.
Yes, I worked for President Trump during the 2016 campaign.
I worked on the inaugural, and I was at the White House.
I was also on the McCain campaign in 2008, and was a servant for the Romney campaign in 2012.
Some critics would have you believe that my experience somehow disqualifies me for providing you with my analysis and commentary.
But here's a question.
Wouldn't you want someone talking to you about politics only if he had actually worked in politics and knew the people he was talking about?
Beautiful.
Great analogy.
Doctor.
Great analogy from fucking Jonah Hill's dead brother.
Whatever that fucker's name is.
His point is that the word commentary appears in the title of his show.
fucking jonah hill's dead brother as commentary whatever that fucker's name is cannot be said for cable and broadcast news hosts who inject their opinions and bias into news his point is that the word commentary appears in the title of his show clearly that means it's fake like people know that that means it's fake my goal with every segment is to tell you facts which you may not already know and then my take on
This dude belongs on this show so hard because this is exactly what a flesh-colored minion with a hairpiece would look like.
Exactly, it's one of those creepy realistic sculptures they do.
- I had a great day.
For more of my content, please go to breakfastwithboris.com and sign up for my morning newsletter, Breakfast with Boris.
- The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry, conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-fornia today.
So stay tuned, we're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're going to destroy the desert.
Follow their environmental stuff.
Stay tuned.
Alright, I'm Alexander Edward.
I'm Mountain Marti Zyder.
I am Tony Boswell.
And we're Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Sinclair Broadcasting Group is responsible.
We're documenting it.
Uh, so, yeah, this, uh, fuckin' video.
You see that cuckoo video on the internet this week, you guys?
Where the fuckin' newscasters are all saying the same exact shit?
I did.
It's absolutely weird as fuck.
I only- I didn't see that.
I only saw, like, the Yodel- Walmart Yodel Kid.
That's all I saw.
I heard about that kid.
This weekend was Walmart Yodel Kid.
But I've heard- I've heard rumors about this video you're talking about.
Why don't we do this show about that video, then, that I haven't seen?
Oh, yeah, we'll just pull it up real quick.
Well, we're gonna do an episode about it because something's bound to come out about his family.
But please.
His family is gonna be the next, like, trip to a mosque to destroy it on Facebook Live.
This young kid, his Instagram name is Lil Hank Williams.
Oh, tight, dude.
Yeah.
So which one?
Is he a Lil version of the original?
Oh, I know which one you're talking about.
So we're going to do a show about him eventually because something's bound to happen.
He's bound for greatness.
He's bound to have some old tweets we're going to have to dig up.
We'll do an Awful Sound on him at some point, maybe.
Shout out Awful Sound.
Okay.
But yeah, Sinclair Broadcasting Group.
Fucking...
It's a news corporation conglomerate type thing basically I guess that has control over... Except News Corp is a different corporation.
But yeah, we know what you're saying.
Well they borrow their shit from News Corp, you know?
Like they get their whole thing from them or whatever.
Their whole steez.
Trying to take their lane.
Like sexual abuse?
Yeah, sex abuse.
I'm sure Epstein's got something up his sleeve.
And I have no problem accusing him right here on this show at all.
That's probably a good idea.
Yeah, I figured.
Get out ahead of it.
But yeah, Alex fucking did a lot of preparation for a segment on this fucking Sinclair shit.
Yeah, well you're hosting it today though.
True, yeah.
That's why you introduced yourself as Mountain Marty Zyder.
Marty Zyder, yeah.
That's your host name.
That's my host name.
Okay, so yeah, you can interact with me on Facebook.
You can find me as like an admin on the Facebook Minion Death Commandos and call me out on not being active on there.
So this video, describe the video.
So the video is basically, you know, uh, we get, starts off with a regular old couple anchors just reciting some, some fucking bullshit about fake news, which, you know, we've Heard from Trump a million goddamn times.
It's delivered like a very serious conversation with the audience.
Yeah, they're out from behind that fucking counter.
What do we call it?
A desk?
Desk?
Whatever the fuck.
When you have a job, it's called a desk.
It's an anchor desk, you know.
It's held down by anchors or whatever.
You can't move it, that's for sure.
Yeah, you can't move the shit.
But they're definitely delivering it in a serious tone.
And it's a script.
And, you know, the video then cuts from one line of the...
Okay, so, you know, these casters, they're delivering a line of it.
Then it cuts seamlessly to a different local news station somewhere in the country.
Continuing this canned statement.
Yeah, and then eventually, you know, it shows, you know, a montage...
Or not a montage, but like, you know, 24 different fucking clips of the same clip synced up.
All reciting the same bullshit.
Which, I didn't memorize that shit.
But, you know, it's it it it's fake news, you know, is the core of this.
It's they're they're battling fake news.
You know, they're out here to to to, you know, say, you know, we're going to challenge all the other media and media outlets for, you know, you know, their fake news broadcasting.
We're going to deliver real news.
Hi, I'm Fox San Antonio's Jessica Hedley.
And I'm Ryan Wolf.
Our greatest responsibility is to serve our Treasure Valley communities.
The El Paso-Las Cruces communities.
Eastern Iowa communities.
Mid-Michigan communities.
We are extremely proud of the quality, balanced journalism that CBS 4 News produces.
But... We are concerned about a troubling trend in irresponsible, one-sided news stories plaguing our country.
Plaguing our country.
The sharing of biased and false news has become all too common on social media.
More alarming, some media outlets publish these same fake stories without checking facts first.
The sharing of biased and false news has become all too common on social media.
More alarming some of the efforts of the policy that we think are true without taking facts first.
Unfortunately, some members are going to use their platforms to push their own personal bias and agenda control.
Exactly what people think.
And this is extremely dangerous to our democracy.
This is extremely dangerous to our democracy.
Which is, you know, really weird.
I saw a tweet, which I forget who the tweet was from, but it was some former broadcaster, but just calling this scenario extremely Orwellian.
And it is, it's like Alex, you said, it's truly a tangible Orwellian scenario that we see in real life.
Yeah, it's one of the few, I don't know, valid comparisons to 1984 or something like that.
Seeing a bunch of different, you know, I think most people already know that the news is like scripted to some degree or another and that your anchor that you see on the nightly news isn't an actual journalist.
They're just reading off a teleprompter.
I mean, hey, we all saw Anchorman, right?
You're not being fed real news, typically, either.
Well, even if it is real news, it's targeted, and it's... Oh, fuck.
I don't mean real news versus fake news.
Let me rephrase that.
I mean... Sorry to interrupt you.
I mean, like, bullshit store fluff pieces.
Lots of fluff.
Well, it's fluff pieces, but it's also, like, deliberately racist stuff about, like, crime in your area that's been, you know, magnified to make it more scary.
Criminal activity.
Scare stories, definitely.
It's stuff that's, you know...
Oh, your daughter is snorting condoms on YouTube.
Yep.
That's cool.
That's the basis of local news, and it's usually terrible.
But anyway, the point that I'm trying to make is, the video was so well edited and so well put together by Deadspin.
Yeah, it's a Deadspin video.
Right-wing Facebook accounts that we're going to talk about tonight.
They just uploaded the video to their own page and presented it as their own edit, but we got to give credit to Deadspin who did an excellent job of putting, you know, even though it literally is just a script that they're all reading verbatim, it's still, you know, they're each individual people with different speaking styles and different cadences and it's pretty impressive the way it was edited all together in a very coherent way that really resonated.
With a lot of people, and that's why it went viral.
At one point, when it's all, they layer all the voices and they're all talking at once, and it's eerie.
Like, it doesn't matter what they're saying, it's eerie.
And it could be very, that sort of thing is, you know, I edit audio, and it could be very easily muddled, but it's effective, it works.
Yeah and you know this is this Sinclair Broadcasting Group is something that's been in the news for over a decade.
Obviously the most recent example is John Oliver doing a segment on it you know months ago maybe a year ago.
Yeah.
But it's something if you You know, if you actually read about the media regularly, you will hear about Sinclair Media, or Sinclair Broadcasting Group, and their sort of designs on local news markets.
They currently own, or are about to own, 233 local news affiliates.
Even though it says ABC in the corner, or NBC, or Fox, it's owned by Sinclair Broadcasting Group.
That's a huge percentage of counties.
It's like 38% or something like that, which is, yeah, it's, you know, that's, uh, I don't know what the literal definition of a monopoly is, but it seems pretty bad that that's happening.
The political agenda is definitely, you know, right-wing, right-wing as fuck, conservative, uh, it, you know, happens to co-correlate with all the shit we don't like and shit we like to make fun of on the show, um, Trump's shit, you know.
But even that, that's like purely demographics.
Because I mean what a lot of that boils down to is, none of us, I don't think any of us watch the morning news.
No.
We don't have fucking TV.
No one has cable.
No.
Yeah.
But you know, so I was, I stayed in a hotel over the weekend.
Well it's the alternative to cable technically.
It's like your channel 4 news.
Exactly, it's antenna.
We did have access to local networks and it was weird seeing that.
That really like very base news.
Most of the entire broadcast they were going to some golf tournament and like talking about the weather and having like the queen of the rodeo talk about the weather.
Show this field of just white men at the golf course.
And then that was it.
That was like the biggest news story.
But it is where a lot of people get their news from.
And who's seeing that is that demographic.
It's that Facebook demographic.
It's your aunts.
It's your mom.
It's your manager.
Yeah, local news is kind of like, you know, Facebook before Facebook, you know?
It's where, like, older white people get together to be scared about brown people in their neighborhood.
It's part of that same weird, like, fear cycle.
It's where they go to get scared about, like, the next blowjob challenge that the youth are doing.
It's that sort of thing.
So, I want to just get into comments pretty quickly here.
Yeah, for sure.
And real quick, just, so, the...
There's a couple reasons why this video resonated with people.
It resonated with people who are very critical of the media already, both on the left and the right.
Especially it resonated with conservatives who have this idea that, you know, there's a mainstream media conspiracy coming from the left, which is hilarious to me.
And they were like, this is proof.
This is proof of the corporate overlords are handing down this leftist propaganda.
To the networks and so this video got shared on all these right-wing Facebook pages before it was even Before like a day later when Trump came out and said no, this is good I love the story so much.
It's so good.
It's an amazing story.
And so you see like wishy-washy stuff on the right wing who then have to make fun of the other media's reaction to this stuff because they can't talk about this stuff.
They have to talk about how other people reacted to it because if they actually voiced an opinion on it, it would be either the same anti-scripted media narrative that they've been pushing forever, but it would be anti-Trump in this case.
We can't do that.
This is what I call Info Wars, baby.
For real, though.
Hey, that's catchy, dude.
I know, maybe we should coin it.
We should call it Information Battle, and then, like, er, er, what's the synonym for info?
I have no idea.
I don't have that intel on me right now.
Me neither.
Knowledge squabbles.
You know what, though?
It's funny that they say everything we need to know we learned in kindergarten, and what I was taught was, whoever smelt it, dealt it.
And that's what they need to remember when they're hearing this piece.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then the other thing about it that's concerning on sort of a different level is the fact that, like we said, the Sinclair Broadcasting Group is right-wing.
It is pro-Trump.
Their chief political analyst is a dude named Boris Kalashnikov.
Who was part of the Trump campaign and is just like a insanely marble-mouthed thumb of a man who does not belong on television or anywhere he can be heard and yet he is and The idea that fake news is an issue?
Like, what this Sinclair Broadcast spiel was about was about fake news, like you said, Matt.
It's trying to take on fake news, which, try as Hillary Clinton might, Uh, it's a right-wing talking point.
I'm pretty sure Hillary Clinton is the one who coined the phrase fake news.
Okay.
I think so.
And then, like everything she does, it immediately slipped out from under her and sent her tumbling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, Garrison should do that.
Because it's like... Because she said it and it's accurate that, quote, fake news, you know, uh, does exist on Facebook and is mostly pro-Trump.
However, the phrase, fake news, is so fucking stupid that the only person who felt comfortable enough to say it enough for it to catch on was Donald Trump himself.
The man has no problem saying very stupid things over and over and over and over again, so it just became a right-wing talking point.
Well, Tamir on the left- sorry, Tamir on the left side- With Hillary Clinton, who is the- Very far left, yeah, she's the epitome of left-wing politics.
So like, did people actually wear nasty woman shirts like fucking Jackie?
Oh yeah, yeah totally.
So that's like the same kind of, that's like the opposite effect, you know?
It's like, he called her a nasty woman, they just own that shit.
They tried.
Which is equally... No, I mean it's not damaging, it's just cringeful, but like... There was a shirt that I saw online that was, Hey Donald, I'm that nasty grandma you were warned about.
Which is, I would love to see somebody actually wearing that, but it didn't happen.
She's just wet and wild for Donald.
So anyway, them pushing this fake news narrative is in support of Donald Trump.
It's part of Donald Trump's message about fake news and the media and how, you know, there's anchors out there who are only giving you their bias.
Which, yeah, is accurate.
It's why it resonates with people, because everyone knows the fucking news is corporately owned and fake.
Okay, so let's get into specific comments.
So I just have a couple, before we get into the right-wing reaction to this, I have a couple bullshit centrist or liberal takes that were just really funny and wimpy to me, and they were on NPR and Politico.
Craig Sherlin says, I wish NPR and others would stop using the word conservative to describe Sinclair, Trump, et al.
It is alt-right, fringe lunacy, plain and simple.
True conservatives support fiscal responsibility and the Constitution.
That's awesome.
True conservatives.
Yeah.
So like, George W. Bush with like the the warrantless wiretapping and the torture and the Patriot Act he wasn't a true conservative and it's good to learn that now like maybe I've had the wrong idea about conservatism and you know sort of like Funding a war on a credit card that wasn't reflected in any of the budgets.
Like he wasn't really a conservative apparently.
I'm sure there's like a loophole they use like you know if you're out there committing more crimes in name of the Constitution like you can do it.
Absolutely.
If you're literally the only, like, I was thinking about this, what Craig here would consider fiscal responsibility is not shrinking the military budget, it would be privatizing Social Security and privatizing Medicare and gutting the Department of Education.
Like, literally the only reason that Trump is, quote, a bad conservative is because he is a bad negotiator and could not negotiate
with congress in order to fully slash social security and medicare and get rid of the department of education like it's literally only because he was he had to or congress rather had to work across the aisle with democrats that we still have social security and medicare yeah dude i'm like my jaw is clenching over here just thinking about like you know the attempt at like trying to gut our fucking department of education and paul ryan is Dreaming about that right now as we speak.
We got that fucker in there that, what's her name?
DeVos?
I mean, she's trying hard too.
Yeah, she could try harder, I guess.
Do better.
Yeah, do better, dammit.
And then Drew Spinozzo says...
I don't know about that.
Oh, I think maybe responding to Donald Trump or something.
It's also fake news, you hypocrite.
This is the reason why I hate millionaires and billionaires.
Or millionaire and billionaire authoritarians.
It's always about them!
And they don't give a rat's ass about anyone else.
Which is like the weirdest criticism I've ever heard of an authoritarian billionaire.
They're just so gosh darn selfish.
Selfish and self-centered, and they're only thinking about themselves.
Like, I mean, it's true to an extent, but I think like, you know, the, the erosion of, of a sort of like a safe social safety net, like the, the killing of minorities, like, you know, also the selfishness also like, you know, they're, also the selfishness also like, you know, they're, they're like real self-centered.
Yeah.
They don't open the door for you.
It's a very funny way to criticize.
You'll be like trying to have a conversation with him and they'll just be on their phone the whole time.
Donald Trump has never written happy birthday on anyone's Facebook wall.
Yes.
Those are great ways to articulate this.
He doesn't even like the people who give him happy birthday posts.
What the fuck was that?
He doesn't like any of those responses at all.
Your laptop case flopped over.
Okay, so this is a post who, you know, this post shared the video, or this page shared the video.
This is... Thank you.
This is World Cloud.
This is like, I think, a conspiratorial Facebook page.
It's hard to really tell what's a conspiracy page anymore because there's so many fucking normies all over these conspiracy pages.
Like, it's a real weird...
thing to where uh you'll be in these comments section it's just like normie's complaining about like the budget under a post that's like new world order uh christians being killed complaining about them being selfish too you know i'm like being pissed about it the illuminati they're just so like self-involved they are real though
So, okay, so, they had, like, they edited this video so that, you know, there was a bar on top, a bar on bottom, we're in Facebook view.
That's a Facebook video view.
And the top text was, Media Puppets Exposed.
Underneath it said, One Nation Under Control.
I kept seeing this as Meat Puppets Exposed.
Oh yeah, dude, I definitely saw that too when it came up.
Who really wrote Lake of Fire for Nirvana?
Does a ghostwriter have a ghostwriter?
So Zack Lancaster said, a little balance and truth, finally!
Yes they're all reading the same statement.
They're all owned by the same broadcaster.
One that's tired of so much misinformation.
As am I. So not even like really buying into the uh you know hyperventilating conspiratorial tilt to this post just like No, this is good.
I also like the way it's described, you know.
They're all owned by the same broadcaster.
One that's tired of so much, like, that angry man, that angry disaffected man just one day got up and said, you know what?
I'm gonna start a media empire.
I'm gonna change things for the better.
And that man's name was Boris Epstein.
It's funny because earlier I was talking about how I thought this whole thing, this whole script, this memo they sent out was audacious and lazy.
Yeah.
To think that they could just get away with that, not get away with that, not getting away with anything, but they could just do that and call it journalism.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I kind of... But it worked, though.
If it weren't for Deadspin, like, I don't know if anyone would have really cared because you don't watch more than one local news channel at the same time.
You know, it was like some psycho media analyst who noticed this in the Deadspin room and was like, Oh shit, this is cool.
Or they have like a cool network of people that write for them all over the country and somehow watch local news too.
Like Deadspin makes them watch local news.
But you would have to have seen two different broadcasts, the same person.
You're not going over every nightly broadcast with everybody in that network.
Yeah, man, that's pretty wild, dude.
This is a wild video.
Anyway, Gerald R. Wacek Jr.
says, I think every media outlet should make a statement like this.
Once again, this is good.
The problem is most of the mainstream media doesn't care about spreading false and sometimes outright fabricated stories as long as it hurts this president.
And I like this take a lot because in my mind, he's saying, I think every media outlet should just come out and say, Hey, we're good.
Yeah.
Hey, we're the good ones.
Like, I think, I think that as, as a journal, as a journalistic, uh, you know, outlet, they have a responsibility to tell you that they're good to tell you that they like what they do.
It's a cool system.
I don't see any faults in it at all.
How else would we know?
The way you know is that they don't say anything at all.
Because these other media, the media that he's talking about that don't say this, they don't care about spreading false and sometimes outright fabricated stories as long as it hurts this president.
But they also, they're not gonna come out and say we don't do that because then they'd be lying about that.
Maybe they'll do like a cool like one of those like you know What do you call this shit?
Circle game.
Circle game, below your... You're sitting down, so it's not technically below your waist.
Whoops, I'm sorry guys.
Is you guys both gonna punch me now?
No, you don't get to punch us, is what I'm saying.
You are not familiar with this game.
No, I mean, this is a perfect metaphor.
Or like maybe they throw up the fucking diamond.
Why is this a metaphor?
Why is the circle game a metaphor?
Oh, I don't know if it's a metaphor.
Because they're punching us with fake news.
But we can't punch them with fake news.
I just want to signal, you know, if they're not gonna, if the ones that, you know, they're not gonna come out and tell us they're good.
Gotcha.
They're gonna give us a signal.
Come on.
Chuck Vincent says, The irony here is absolutely hilarious.
You understand the puppets here aren't the broadcasters, but all of you commenting on this video, right?
I mean, yeah, I guess.
Somebody pieced together a video to elicit a specific reaction and almost every one of you is responding exactly the way they want you to.
See, Chuck gets around that by not using verbs and verb objects.
Hey man, take it easy on this guy, dude.
God, you had a reaction to a video?
What are you, a fucking sheep?
You care about shit?
What are you, a fucking loser?
You're the real puppet dance.
I think it's funny he thinks that this is, like, edited this way.
Like, I don't know.
I mean, it was edited this way.
Oh yeah, sure, but, like, they would have had to have gotten, like, a really big, like, studio together and, like, hire a lot of different actors and get this shit handled.
A lot of set changes to really make it feasible.
Oh, you think the whole thing is one one thing the Chuck Chuck thing you know they they piece this video together to get a react no he's saying like no deadspin are the real yeah puppet masters that's what he's saying oh yeah they're really doing it to he's saying by having a negative reaction to this deadspin I got you yeah you're the one the one played right okay took me a second it's funny to be aware of propaganda but also fall for it all the time it's an interesting way to live your life yeah
Every news outlet reading the exact same news story is an evidence of it.
You could really just, you don't have to say news story.
You don't have to write news story because like if you just write new and then story, it sounds like news story.
So you're saving letters.
Isn't evidence of anything other than a parent corporation wanting to send out a consistent message to all its viewership.
No different than Starbucks sending out a chain letter to its stores and asking them to fill in the blanks with the community name, general manager's name, etc.
So fucking good.
I don't understand this at all.
I don't understand this analogy.
Sending a chain letter?
I get it.
Filling out blanks with the community name?
I get it, dude.
It's like... They're like, hey, What store do we own over there?
You know the Starbucks census they do every year?
Yeah, well it's franchised.
Epstein is franchising these local news stations and shit.
They send you a chain letter and they're like, hey, where are you?
Yeah, what's great about it is it could have gone somewhere.
It could have been, you know, Starbucks sending out a chain liner saying, hey guys, we're changing the whipped cream recipe.
But of all the things to choose.
Yeah, exactly.
But if he had finished it and said, like, and you have to tell the customers every time they come in, maybe that would be a little closer of an analogy.
Or you're telling them what product they have to give to the customer.
Exactly.
Which is the analogy, the obvious analogy.
But yeah, like you said, it's like, no, you're filling out a form and they stop It's real short.
But I also like where his mind went because, you know, just conservatives love Starbucks.
So this is how he's going to get conservatives on the side of Sinclair Media is by comparing them to their favorite coffee chain, Starbucks.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Please don't.
Yeah, okay.
Have I said I've got deja vu while we're recording before?
No.
Yes, you say it every episode.
No, I don't.
Literally every single episode.
Shut the fuck up.
Go back and listen.
I say no, but now I feel that way.
Well, I definitely had deja vu just now, but I had to listen to every episode, so I know you're lying, except for the last Patreon episode.
No, I edited it out because it just gets redundant every time.
Yeah, I did not listen to the last Patreon episode because I fucking wrecked my car right after.
And I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna go back and be reminded of that night.
Why don't you relive the time when you still had a car?
Wouldn't that be, like, a pleasant moment?
No, because, I don't know, like, I don't want to, like, go back to the time, like, right before my brother died, like, and hang out with the men, so, I don't know.
Okay.
I'm starting to get dark.
I don't know.
Yeah, your brother didn't have, like, leather seats, though.
He did in his wheelchair.
See, that's the thing.
People don't like fake news, but sometimes this real news is also a bit too much.
We need a break.
We need some fake news.
I just love the idea of him comparing this newscast favorably to a mass-produced Totally, uh, soulless chain product.
Yeah.
Like, if we do the work of making the metaphor that he wants to make, which is this Starbucks coffee, or it is this McDonald's hamburger, you're saying like, no, this is a good, honest news report.
You know, like a fast food hamburger.
It's got this sort of honesty and integrity of a fucking Whopper.
No, this has the same honesty and integrity as a fucking unicorn frappuccino or goddamn Szechuan sauce.
Yeah, dude, exactly.
It's exactly that.
And the metaphor is so good and they just fucking blew it.
They did blow it.
Yeah, no, conservatives have nothing against Starbucks.
They love being told no when they tell the barista to write, like, baby killer on their cup.
They have a great relationship with Starbucks.
As someone who worked there for a long time, I can say, conservatives love Starbucks.
Sorry, I just wanted to confirm that.
That's interesting.
It's because you were willing to write things like Benghazi on their cup.
Yeah, never forget Benghazi.
Not just Benghazi.
But you will, I mean, people won't forget because you have to say it out loud when you give them the drink.
Yeah, like Benghazi.
Oh, I would just propose a second tier Blue Star.
It's like a hollowed out, just a Blue Star border.
Not a solid Blue Star.
For Chuck Vincent, for flocking up this shit.
Yeah, bad move, dude.
You fucked up your analogy.
Let's see if Mark Wellnitz does well.
Chuck Vincent, you get the Blue Star hollow.
Wow, is there anybody now more convinced than ever after all of these mainstream media newscasters, women or men are controlled by the Rockefellers, the Illuminati is the secret societies and so many others.
And of course, the main one, the devil, the one that controls them all.
Dance for the puppets.
Dance.
That's what the devil says.
Dance.
Do my bidding.
Repeat the thing over and over and over again.
I am Satan.
I make you dance.
Enough said.
I am Satan.
I make you dance.
This is like I've listened to some weird like proto doom metal that like sounds like and that's what this reminds me of like this little like it's like a bunch of hot like ladies singing to some like cool psychedelic rock.
Yeah no I could see it's like uh yeah it's like come to the I can't remember.
The Hocus Pocus song?
Nah I don't know.
No, that other song that was sang by that witch, um, it's like, Come to my window!
Oh, yeah!
Well, have you listened to the video in backwards yet?
No.
It's crazy.
Wow, nice.
If you play it backwards at half speed, just about half speed, it basically lays out Pizzagate for you.
That shit's real, though.
I'm telling you, Pizzagate's real.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's so funny that, like, You need the Illuminati to explain, like, a corporate newsroom?
Yeah.
It's already bad enough.
Like, you know this is, like, you know this is, like, how, literally, how our society functions, right?
Like, you know, like, people own things?
Yeah.
You know, people do things with their money?
Yeah.
And it gets bad, and monopolies occur.
Alright, let's go on to the next slide.
Cool.
Okay, so we're gonna take a detour from reactions to the video.
Well, this is a brand of reaction to the video that is literally the worst reaction to the video ever.
It's my most hated response to this video.
It's fucking insufferable.
The response is...
Uh, actually, we're not a democracy.
We are a constitutional republic.
Because if you listen to the video, this newscast, the last line or one of the lines is, this is a danger to our democracy.
Fake news is a danger to our democracy.
People saw this viral video of dozens of talking heads regurgitating the same boring talking points designed to scare you away from other news sources.
And their only response was, well, actually, we're not even in a democracy.
Yeah, it's like some fucking... some shithead nerd that just like... wants to say, well, actually... This is like a tier below the logic pedant online.
It's bad.
This is a tier below somebody who accuses you of an ad hominem online.
Yes.
Yes.
Because A, a constitutional republic is a kind of democracy, you fucking nerds.
Yeah, it's like a sub-genre, you know?
It's a representative democracy.
It's literally what it fucking is.
Okay, so let's get into these comments before I rant some more.
So there's a lot of them, I'm just gonna blow through these first three.
Just to give you an example, this was the comment on every one of these fucking videos.
Carolyn Brannan.
We are not a democracy.
We are a constitutional republic.
Main media should check their stories before the broadcast.
200 likes.
Raymond Smith.
Our democracy was under the impression this was a republic.
250 likes.
Marcy McCann.
Sounds like they are all reading from the script.
What they are doing is extremely dangerous to our republic.
I mean democracy.
115 likes.
Every top comment on every post I looked at said this.
Yeah.
Half the comments, I had to dig for actual reactions to these videos because this is, it's like, oh hey I know something.
Let me tell people.
Yeah.
It's, it's like, I want to talk, I want to talk.
It's, it's well actually Except everybody around you is also saying well actually so it's not actually anything You're not you're not being a contrarian to anybody except the people in the video Yeah, so in my journey into political stuff is this
It's even worse because they all think that they're not repeating something, they all think they're contributing something new.
Yeah, I mean that's not what an echo chamber refers to.
An echo chamber is just a bunch of people with like-minded ideas getting together to jerk each other off.
This is more just literally...
There's got to be a word for it.
It's pedantry.
It's pedantry on a mass scale.
And it is... It's deflection.
It's not wanting to address the underlying point of this video edit.
And it's... It's also because the reason they like pointing this out... I thought about this.
I figured it out.
The reason they like pointing it out... You alluded to it earlier, Matt.
Is because of the Electoral College.
Yeah.
Yeah!
That's what got him fucking elected, dude.
That's what got Trump elected.
The point is that these people are only in power because of the electoral college.
Exactly.
Carlos Ramirez says, America is not and never will be a democracy.
In a republic, the minority is still protected.
In a democracy, it is two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.
I fucking hate this fucking take so much.
In a constitutional republic, nobody has dinner.
Because the wolves are fat as fuck and they have a bunch of money and they fucking do everything.
It's amazing to be able to write with a straight face that in a republic the minority is still protected.
Yeah, that's crazy.
When I read that, I have never heard that take ever.
It is a take.
It's a conservative take.
It's an old conservative take about why, I mean, it's kind of why the Founding Fathers, like, set it up this way, is because they didn't want people to have power?
Yeah.
Shane Goad says, and they all spread the same lie, that we have a democracy.
We, in fact, do not have a democracy.
We are a representative republic.
Big difference.
In a democracy, the majority of a nation, populace, or community believed that if the majority of a nation believed that rape, theft, assault, or slavery should be legal, then it would be.
Thank the founders and God that we do not have a democracy.
Yeah, thank God.
Thank God we don't have a democracy or else we would have had things like slavery and rape and theft and assault.
This is such a fucking crazy comment.
So wild.
This is the craziest comment on here.
Is this the blue star?
This is what we have right here?
This is just a fucking big fat idiot, dude.
dude yeah this one pisses me off a lot michelle card says the problem is we're not a democracy we are a republic i'm not joking there are fucking hundreds and hundreds of this comment everywhere the constant reiterating by media outlets quote this is a threat to our democracy is more systematic brainwashing that we are democracy aka mob rule another method of madness launched by the left what like suddenly
the idea of democracy is bad and it's like we weren't talking about spreading democracy in the middle east for the last 12 16 years Yeah.
Like, what the fuck is... This is insane to me.
Yeah, are you bummed to vote now?
I mean, the spreading of democracy is an excuse to go over there and fucking get oil and shit, but like, but we did say that, and like, people forgot.
The talking point, like, flipped.
Yeah, they forgot.
Completely fucking forgot.
Uh, why would it be bad if people thought we had a democracy?
Like, how is that a brainwashing thing?
Yeah.
I don't understand.
Like, that doesn't affect the way people interact with their government.
They still can or can't do the same things.
Yeah.
Sarkis Zaroukian says, We've been a democracy ever since the 14th Amendment was illegally passed.
Hey dude, I'm too stoned.
Can you remind me what the 14th Amendment is?
Yeah, the 14th Amendment is what made black people citizens.
Yeah.
Jesus fucking Christ.
The 14th Amendment, it's also what granted like birthright citizenship.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I love this.
Once again, democracy's bad.
Listening at home, you gotta remember, democracy's bad.
And so, yeah, we've been a democracy ever since we made the mistake of giving black people citizenship.
Think about the twisted mind who writes this comment!
Well, I have I definitely have an opinion about the 14th Amendment.
This is the abolition of slavery, right?
No.
Oh, OK.
It's the amendment that gave black people citizenship.
OK, which is the which is the one that that gave them?
OK.
But for the record, you're totally, like, for the abolition of slavery.
I think you're getting that out there.
Well, sure, but, like, there's a... Never mind.
We're getting on a tangent here, so... Do you have opinions about this?
That whole thing is just, like... It was not illegal... I mean, it was illegally passed.
Now we're all doomed.
Like, it's... We've been shafted ever since then.
Remember the good old days when, uh, not everyone counted?
This is, so there's like somebody posted an infographic thing that is electoral explanation.
And this is the explanation as to why we have the Electoral College.
There are 3,141 counties in the United States.
Trump won 3,084 of them.
Clinton won 57.
counties in the United States.
Trump won 3,084 of them.
Clinton won 57.
I have not verified these numbers at all.
There are 62 counties in New York State.
Trump won 46 of them.
Clinton won 16.
Clinton won the popular vote by approximately 1.5 million votes.
That is absolutely correct.
In the 5 counties that encompass New York City, Clinton received well over 2 million votes than Trump.
Clinton only won 4 of these counties.
Therefore, these 5 counties alone, more Then accounted for Clinton winning the popular vote of the entire country.
These five countries comprise 319 square miles.
The United States is comprised of 3,797,000 square miles.
When you have a country that encompasses almost 4 million square miles of territory, it would be ludicrous to even suggest that the vote of those that encompass a mere 319 square miles should dictate the outcome of a national election.
I'm pretty tired from that fucking journey, dude.
I'm just saying, like, actual plots of land should be granted the right to vote.
That's what I'm saying.
What if every plot of land had their own, like, fucking senator or fucking representative or some shit like that?
Yeah, they should.
It's just like an old miner.
Like, he's wearing a miner's hat and he's like, you know, like, hey, Sonny Jim.
Like, think about how much land Trump owns.
Like, he should get more votes, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
That's what I think.
Dan Rathers, no relation, says, we do not have a democracy, we have a republic.
Nailed it.
Neat.
Dennis Boylon replies, we had a republic.
Long ago dead, as this video proves.
Once again.
So this is, and I love, once again, democracy is bad, remember that.
Now we have a democracy.
We had a republic until things went south and now we have a democracy.
This, this is how democracy is born.
To the sound of thunderous applause.
Insane.
Oh, that's a great prequel meme right there, dude.
I love that one.
But these are all comments on Facebook that are from before Trump gave the tweet, right?
These are from three days ago, so I'm not sure when Trump tweeted out support for Sinclair.
- I think it was Monday, and I think that the video came out.
When did I text that to you? - The video came out on like Sunday.
- Yeah, Sunday, so I texted that to you guys Sunday.
Crazy watching this shit happen in real time.
I'm pretty sure he tweeted Monday morning, and I'm pretty sure all these came from, I don't know.
- These were already there.
These were already there. - Yeah. - 'Cause they're criticizing the video that Trump likes either way.
Yeah.
They're still going in hard against this video just for the very worst possible reason you could absolutely take offense at this video.
Yeah.
Like, anyway.
It's bad.
Jesse Neighbor says, it may be extremely dangerous to your democracy, but thankfully we live in a republic.
400 likes.
Yeah, that's insane.
400 likes.
Can't touch this.
We're in a republic.
Nothing to worry about here, folks.
Alright, let's move on.
That's my most hated segment of this episode.
So, yeah, I mean, fucking... That was terrible.
That was absolutely awful.
I can't believe what these... It's the worst, most boring take possible, but I had to cover it because it was a legit phenomenon.
It's an extremely uneducated view of anything.
It's as if a bunch of people went to the post and wrote the word FIRST on it.
Right.
And they all wrote FIRST.
And they all felt like they got FIRST.
Did I make that joke?
Were you around earlier?
Yeah.
Okay, I thought I made that before you showed up.
But like, um, yeah, that's a bad...
It's a bad boring take.
So this is a post from Ben Shapiro who, like I said, could not criticize the actual content of the video because it's right-wing shit about fake news, which Shapiro loves to criticize.
The take that Ben Shapiro had to do was, look at all these other mainstream organizations making fun of Sinclair when they're bad, too.
That's the take.
That's the real, strong, assertive, hard-hitting take.
You shouldn't throw stones in glass houses, other news sources.
It's almost as bad as... Get back on that mic, dude.
Yeah, I was just gonna blow out my smoke real quick.
Blow out that weed smoke, baby.
It's almost as bad as that, like, Republic take, but, like, it's just stupid.
And Ben Shapiro's a weaned dog anyway, so, like, it's... It's just the hypocrite argument.
It's the hypocrite argument that doesn't mean anything.
You're just talking about...
You're talking about something else that somebody else was talking about that somebody else was talking about and you're not actually saying anything either way.
It's that thing that like I can never articulate that like that theory I have that like conservatives just like argue or whatever.
I think that's it.
Well the hottest take I've heard tonight is that you're an anti-Dodson.
The title of this post, or the title of this video, the title of the article, rather, was, Media Go Nuts After Sinclair Local Hosts All Read Anti-Fake News Message.
Here's Why That's Ridiculous.
And then, like, when, you know, you post it on Facebook, the actual caption was, uh, you know, Ben Shapiro's actual caption was, Go Ahead.
Check It.
There's Nothing About Trump There.
So like the argument that Sinclair is literally a pro-Trump broadcasting network, that the screed, the canned phrase, the canned message that they were delivering is just exactly in line with Trump's message about fake news and how you can't trust other news sources and only real news is real and fake news is fake.
They didn't actually say the word Trump in there.
They weren't actually like wearing MAGA hats when they delivered this message.
But if you dig deep you can find out that this fucker was on the campaign and you know Epstein and that like you can find that Kushner has ties to this fucking shit.
Kushner fucks Ivankas or whatever probably doesn't but you know uh-huh.
And what vindicates them though is that Yeah, they totally could have made this about Trump, but they didn't.
They could have said Trump, because they're in his pocket.
They could have done it, but you know what?
They're better than that.
They are better, actually.
And they wouldn't do that.
They're just, you know, they're doing it for the people.
It's just such a boring fucking message.
Anyway, their message is literally like...
Don't touch that dial.
That's literally the fucking message and it's like yes it's terrible that they're like a corporate media giant that is inserting politics elsewhere into their programming but it's not Like, uh, what's the phrase?
It's not an insane message.
It's a really boring way of using fake news to, like, heighten your brand.
Mike Middy says, forget watching news altogether.
I'd rather read bill proposals to see true intent without biased commentary.
Yeah, dude.
Wanna know your politicians more?
Stop listening to people and read their intent.
Yeah, dude.
C'mon.
What did you- Did I have something earlier?
Fuckin' Christ.
Your point was, you know, if you wanna- You wanna- This is so bad.
Your point was, uh, you wanna know what's really going on, read politicians' faces when they talk to you.
See what's going on behind their eyes.
Yeah.
You study him enough.
If you like watch C-SPAN long enough for that reason of studying their faces while they're talking.
That's why you need that five minute like unchallenged interview with Trump so you can look into his eyes for five whole minutes to see what's really behind the man.
I like to take it even further and actually read the handwritten bills and notes so I can really get behind the psychology of their handwriting.
You can learn a lot about somebody from their signature.
You know, that's where it really gets deep.
Yeah, those like, those M's that lean to the right means drug testing welfare recipients.
Exactly, exactly.
The G's that have like a really hard loop at the bottom, that's for privatizing Medicare.
Absolutely, yeah.
And not really meaning it.
Doing it under compromise.
All that stuff's right there.
That's where you gotta read the bills.
And I read all the 2,000 page bills that come across.
Nothing's better than a juicy bill.
I'm studying bills because I'm trying to see how fast I can tear through the Trump University political program they have.
Hey, I'm studying bills every time I make a deposit at the bank.
You know what I'm saying?
Yo, you guys are watching the news.
I'm at the bank studying bills.
Dude, I hated my top university joke right now, just by the way.
It sucked.
Yeah, let's talk about how bad it was.
Yeah, I wanna know how much.
No, it was fine, dude.
Frank Smith III says, So much for a free press, just like school teachers.
Controlled by socialist PC bullying.
Sucks.
Boring.
How do these people think anything happens?
How do they think the fucking cereal makes it to the shelf at the grocery store?
It's wild.
Somebody bullied that cereal company into adding raisins to brand cereal, which was perfectly fine on its own.
Precisely.
They bullied the grape, the raisin factory to get them.
And then they bullied the wheat people for that shit.
It's all just socialist bullying.
It's everybody bullying each other.
It's a bully economy.
This guy's like, listen, that teacher had him do the musical in blackface mask because it's a part of history and that's her right to express herself.
Did you guys see that?
No.
No.
That happened.
But I did see that.
They made like cute little popsicle stick masks, like a construction paper on popsicle.
Blackface.
And they held the popsicles and masks in front of their faces and sang songs.
And um, yeah.
She got suspended and all she's trying to do is express herself.
The only time that's accept, something like that is acceptable is in Crash Bandicoot 3D.
Exactly.
That happens in Black... or... Yeah, there's that, like, blackface mask that's following you around.
That happens in Black... I almost said Black... Blackface Bandicoot?
Well, it's, like, fucked up.
It's, like, Spike... Spike Lee does it.
He gets a goddamn award, you know, and... and a teacher's trying to teach my kid.
Maybe they were doing a presentation of that movie.
I love Bamboozle.
That's a great movie.
Facts.
It enlightened me a lot.
I just want to say, uh, Crash Bandicoot Warped is the only acceptable Crash Bandicoot.
Oh, okay.
Good for you, Doug.
Yeah, so much for a free press.
Like, what do you mean free press?
Like, corporations and business, it's businesses who make decisions to do this shit.
It's not, like, what do you think socialism is?
Like, this is capitalism, baby.
Like, love it or leave it.
The wolves allegory goes here more so with capitalism.
More so than anything.
And I love how these two comments aren't, like, okay with Ben Shapiro dismissing the initial video.
Yeah.
Like they're still like pissed off about this deadspin video?
Like rightfully so?
Andre Woke says, the media needs to report false news and sensational bull stuff.
If we have nonpartisan fact-based news we might realize the tailspin American culture is in thanks to the left.
Which, love this Galaxy Brain comment right here, we need non-partisan reporting and then we can determine that it's all the Democrats' fault.
We're going to see a show, a syndicated show, no not syndicated, a weekly show that goes through every other story and says true, true, false, false, true, super false, super false, real real fake, true stuff, and that's going to be the entire show and people are going to love it.
It's going to be like, it's going to be Like totally request live, but for news stories and fake news.
I think we need a... I like that idea.
I think another direction we could go with it is like a...
A social media app like Tinder, where you just look at news stories and you swipe right for true, for real news, and you swipe left for fake news, and then it matches you as somebody exactly as stupid as you are.
And you can pay money to get superlikes.
Dude, they're tight.
We should do like a GoFundMe for that, so we can just pocket all the money and see what happens.
But A, Galaxy Brain Alex?
Yeah.
Sounds more like Galaxy Brain because they're out there in space, buddy?
I think so.
Really?
You think, huh?
This shit is like super woke.
Super woke.
So woke it's going to keep me up late at night.
Yeah, from Andrew Woke.
I want to hear it.
It's going to be Andrew Oak.
Oh, you're right.
I thought that's why you made that joke earlier in Slack.
Yeah, it is.
Stop the episode and talk about it.
I think it's funny.
Chad Houston says, Kids, this is what you do if you have a three-page paper due tomorrow morning and you don't want to do the work or have an original thought.
So, according to Chad, this isn't actually a mandated script handed down from the higher-ups at your corporation.
It's not an overarching conspiracy the One World Government, the New World Order, is trying to inflict on its viewers.
These news broadcasters, they just didn't do their homework!
And they're all copying each other!
They all read off each other's papers!
They're like, hey, what segment are you gonna do at that part of the show where we stand in front of our desks and deliver a serious message to the audience?
Oh yeah?
Okay.
Change it a little bit so they can't tell.
It's a funny take.
They're like, you know how anchors, they have to write their entire...
teleprompter shit for the next day and it like gets piped in and you know that's what how they do it right like yeah yeah no that is how they do it write all their stories the night before take it in I'm going to repurpose this meme and it's going to say, um, when you had a group project and you didn't do any work, so you had to present.
And it's going to be that exact video.
It's going to be like, uh, like some anchors, like some news anchors, just like, well, or a stock photo of some businessman holding up papers, you know, and then it's going to, you make it a new one.
You end that with, you know, uh, America is a land of contrasts and you're gonna get a thousand comments that say, it's not a land, it's a constitutional republic!
It's not a land, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a continent.
Webster's Dictionary defines fake news as...
Martin Luther King said, I have a dream and that dream did not involve fake news.
I want to write this now.
I want to write this like really lazy warning to the American public about fake news like through the lens of a third grader who didn't study at all.
I'm telling you we have to get into making memes or something.
We've got to do something with this.
Yeah, we got to do something with this podcast like make memes.
I mean, he's just, like, echoing Ben Shapiro's thoughts.
the left accuses the right of doing this when the left has been doing this for probably much longer and might have suppressed anyone who would expose it I mean he's just like echoing Ben Shapiro's thought.
No he's not he's like it's even less than that he's saying the left probably has been doing this much longer and probably suppressed anyone who was probably trying to reveal it Like, every idea is couched here in probably and that's probably why we haven't seen this from the left is because probably somebody tried to speak out about it and they probably stopped them.
Well, you know that's the reason they assassinated Lincoln, was he was going to expose the truth, more of the truth.
Probably.
And that was the Democrats, because the Democrats, you know, they were the slave owners then.
Trump was probably going to build the wall, and he was probably going to speak out against the people who were trying to probably stop him, but then that was probably suppressed, and so that's probably why he didn't hear anything about it.
Most likely.
Most likely.
I like your Lincoln thing, though.
That made me think of this shitty Senator Fed that wrote this little bit into the 13th Amendment and was like, okay, the criminal part, they're only slaves unless they're criminals.
And Lincoln had no idea.
That's why he was shot and he was going to expose the truth.
That's why he got killed.
You guys follow me there?
Absolutely.
Okay, nice.
Paul Joseph Watson posted about this video a couple times before Trump came out and said, no, it's good.
No, Sinclair is good.
You know, Paul Joseph Watson of Infowars.
He posted this video and he said, this is what fake news looks like.
So, uh, yeah, there were a ton of comments.
Again, half of those comments that I pulled about this being a constitutional republic and not a democracy were from Paul Joseph Watson's comments section, which is as insufferable as Paul Joseph Watson himself.
So there was only a few that I got from here, but they're all so good.
Yeah.
So Vanessa Hines says, this is reality.
All you have to do is, quote, follow the, quote, news outlets nationwide on social media.
And you will find the exact same quote news stories being spread by all of them on a daily basis.
This is fact.
I know because I do this.
It's woke, dude.
Hashtag fake ass news.
Hashtag propaganda.
Hashtag study the issues on your own dot dot dot dot.
I love that last hashtag.
It's fucking stupid.
Is the ellipsis part of the hashtag?
Of course.
Can you insert that into a hashtag?
Well, that's how you get to the real one.
Yeah, that's how you get the backdoor to the real, the info net.
Isn't that a small website where pervers got busted or some shit like that?
You mean the dark web?
No, it's like the, what was it called?
Use.net or something like that.
Oh yeah, Usenet.
Usenet, yeah, whatever.
Cool.
Cool reference.
Yeah.
No, I like this take because it's like, yeah, no, if you look at like, The news outlets, they're like all reporting the same news.
Yeah, it's wild.
And like, we all know that, like, news is subjective.
We all know that, like, reality is, like, subjective, man.
Yeah, man.
Like, you ever look at the back of a $20 bill, man?
You ever, like, fold it up, your $1 bill, and made, like, the Twin Towers, man?
They knew.
I believed that.
I believed that the $20 bill had that feature on the back of it until I saw more than one news site report on it.
Yeah.
And now I don't believe it anymore.
Not much, yeah.
Not much, sure.
Like, all news organizations have to report different stuff or else they're like part of a grand conspiracy to deliver the news.
Right.
Well, I like how it's subjective.
I like that take that it's subjective.
Every news, all news is subjective.
They're trying to pretend like there's an objective truth when, you know, people like Immanuel Kant, people have been studying this for years.
When you watch the news, you have to watch it through your third eye.
Yeah.
Woke, dude.
I project the news with my third eye.
Exactly.
And my two other eyes can read it from there.
Yeah.
What do I see just above Vanessa Hines' name here?
Yeah, so Vanessa Hines' avatar is V, as in V for Vendetta.
Like, it's not just the anonymous mask.
This is V himself with his fucking black fedora and Studio Ghibli no-face monster hood.
And he's also holding a box in front of him, like, musing about the box, you know?
Like, this box is poor Yorick, you know?
But it's a box.
They'd probably call it a cube.
Well, I think this is supposed to be Pandora's box.
But it really just looks like a Skyrim, like, Dwarven cube that you, like, use to control Dwarven machinery in Skyrim.
You know, says the guy who doesn't know about video games.
I know about two video games.
Crash Bandicoot and Skyrim.
He's gonna know about Zelda real quick.
But, uh, it looks something like a steampunk cube.
I just wanted to say that.
I like steampunk cubes.
Right, well, yeah.
It's like a box that, you know, uh... Like, if you flipped a switch, like a bunch of little flaps would materialize and it would turn into a transformer or something.
Exactly.
It would turn into that giant spider from fuckin' Wild Wild West.
And then, there's a lot of stuff going on in this woman's profile.
One of them is just another profile picture, was a picture of an owl, like an actual photograph of an owl flying toward the camera, just with an anonymous mask for a face.
Yeah, pretty cool.
Is it because owls are the smartest?
Because they're wise.
I think it's also because owls are woke because they're up at night.
They're a nocturnal animal.
But it undermines that part because this photograph is taken during the day.
And they ask the real questions like, who?
Jesus Lord Almighty.
Holy fuck, dude.
I got that pun.
That was good.
They are asking the tough questions like, how many licks does it take to get to the center?
To the truth, to the truth.
The world may never know.
Right.
That's tight.
That's good.
And the last picture, which is not as funny as... Wait, wait, wait.
Real quick, real quick.
The owls are not what they seem.
Oh, no.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Gotta just dig deeper.
We gotta dig deep.
There's so many layers here.
We all got an owl joke though, so... We all took turns.
We did it.
Okay, okay.
Nice.
Uh, yeah, like I said, the last picture, not as funny, uh, but very informative.
Uh, it's an actual photograph of Vanessa Hines and her husband, uh, posed side-by-side, his arm around her, their arms clasped.
But they both look really, like, sweaty, like, maybe they're in the South or something?
That's my, I think that, because they're sweaty-looking?
Uh, I don't know, meth exists all over the country.
Sure, yeah, I gotcha.
This is a very methed out photograph of her and her husband, who looks like the bad guy from the Matrix who, like, decides to kill everybody and reinsert himself back into the Matrix.
Oh yeah, fuck, what's that guy's name?
He's all eating steak and shit?
Yeah, he's a skinhead dude with, like, a very long soul patch goatee thing.
And I say skinhead in the literal sense because there's a Confederate flag hanging behind him.
She doesn't look exactly white, she looks like a woman of color, and this is just, you know, it's an interesting photograph.
Yeah, special, for sure.
No, you know who this looks like?
This looks like Shug from Hustle & Flow with Gigi Allen.
Oh my god, it does look like Gigi Allen.
Wearing a blue Walmart tank top and, like, docker shorts.
Remember Dickie Pants, but like a, like a, yeah.
It's Gigi Allen, skinhead Gigi Allen, and Shug from Hustle and Flow.
Kinda looks like Anton LaVey.
At a low point.
A little Anton LaVey-ish.
Uh, yeah.
That's pretty as Anton.
So that's, that's where she's coming from.
Yeah.
Um, finally, best take of the night, best take of the segment, best comment I've ever fucking read.
Oh, really, dude?
Terrence Langendon says, remember this is on InfoWars basically.
Oh fuck yeah.
Terrence Langendon says, this is one of the best examples of collusion by the mainstream media.
Not an original thought anywhere.
Again, criticizing the source video I am a sheep, but I am black, and I am willing to stand alone in a sea of whiteness.
Says Terrell Langdon, a white man, not black.
This rollercoaster of a comment.
I'm trying to figure it out.
I am a sheep, but I am black, and I am willing to stand alone in a sea of whiteness.
I will be the black sheep.
I'm gonna be that black sheep on the cover of the Minor Threat album.
Going my own way.
Yeah, just stepping out.
But, like, when I read this the first time, I was thinking that, like, he was like, okay, pretending to be an anchor, like, because there were a couple This is a comment about how liberals will spew fake news and do what's wrong for the country, but they'll put a semblance of diversity on it to try and make it more palatable.
This is a comment about how liberals will spew fake news and do what's wrong for the country, but they'll put a semblance of diversity on it to try and make it more palatable.
That's what this is a comment about.
Oh, yeah.
It's the best, but I am black.
That is not how you say that phrase!
I'm a sheep, but I am black.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
When you read that, your eyes instantly dart to his profile picture.
And you're like, wait, hold on.
You try to maybe look for it, you know, ask somebody who's kind of racially ambiguous.
I kind of like looked for it for two seconds.
I'm like, no, this guy's clearly not black by any means.
You know everybody remember that that nursery rhyme?
Baa baa sheep who is black.
See I didn't even know that that's what he was doing.
Yeah, no.
That's how bad this is.
It's a thinker.
I'm talking about what Terrence Langendon looks like.
This is funny to me, but like he looks like a guy that would come into Guitar Center and like play the PRS.
He looks like Mark Maron.
Yeah Mark Maron but like with longer hair and he just looks like he's got a five head and like dick ass glasses.
He looks like if Nick Cave had a really shitty mustache soul patch combo and glasses like he's got a very receding hairline and the hair is swept back like smirking.
He looks like the guy in your I don't know creative writing class Who wants to look like the teacher?
Yeah.
And probably tells the female students that they are a teacher?
Um, he looks like the, like, the, like, the V-mask.
He doesn't look like V. He looks like the V-mask.
In other words, V. He just has smart facial hair.
Yeah.
But his name is Terrence, so you have to look twice.
Oh god, yeah.
But Langendon, that makes me want some German food.
Dude, I can't wait until the day when Terrence, what's his name, is on this podcast.
McKenna?
Howard?
No.
Terrence Howard.
Yeah.
Terrence Howard is in a comment section somewhere waiting for us.
Did Terrence Howard just come up... Did Hustle and Flow just come up twice in this episode?
That is the second time.
It was amazing.
Terrence Howard said that two times one shouldn't be two.
It should be three.
I think Will Smith said something like that too, though.
Will Smith did it in a good way.
He said, if you really want to be, it could be.
Okay, let's move on to the last segment of this podcast.
Oh, I wanted to do it.
Yeah, so this weekend was Easter weekend and finally Christ came back to the White House.
And would you believe it?
It was brought to you by a family of mostly Jews.
Um, so the egg roll was the annual egg roll.
It's a big to-do at the White House every year.
It's really cute to give the kids a gift like that.
Very misleading name though.
Yeah.
The American tradition of an egg roll.
Yeah, you know, yeah.
Where they quite literally roll hard-boiled eggs down.
It may have been cute like last year.
Yeah.
Or last when Obama was in office.
It was still cute, and the proof was in the pudding.
Okay, cool.
Just kids there.
People, but this time because...
It's like tapioca this year.
But this time because our favorite Christian, Donald Trump, brought it to the White House, it was kind of a big deal.
And a bunch of...
This time, everybody that was Christian was noted.
Because you know all those famous pictures of Trump in churches?
Like with choirs?
Mm-hmm.
You know?
So yeah.
And part of this is they read stories of the children, and wouldn't you know it are the most charismatic woman on the planet, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Wait, who?
Sarah Huckabee Sanders?
Are you talking about the gorgeous Sarah Huckabee Sanders?
Oh, sorry, yes.
The gorgeous, the most illustrious Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Quick-witted, firebrand, gorgeous.
A real model of what a woman should be.
Just a human in general.
Yeah.
Badass.
She has nice legs, sorry.
She's kind of like...
She's almost like the Coco Chanel of correspondents.
So she read the book of the resurrection.
Like, it's pretty crazy.
It's like, read the book of the resurrection to his children.
Yeah, like a kid's book about Jesus getting fucking murked and then rising from the dead.
Yeah.
She looks funny as fuck when she's doing it.
Like, she looks like A brand new substitute teacher, like just teaching kids something like frustrated, furrowed brow.
It's funny, there's this video from IJR Red, we've talked about it before.
So she read, not to step on your shit Tony, but she read this children's book to these kids and you can tell she's just like...
Would rather be anywhere else.
Anywhere else.
She's like, it's a very lackluster reading, which I don't blame her.
I would not want to read this shit either.
No.
What a worse person to be the spokesperson for the White House.
Everything about this is great because, first of all, those kids, they had to be the best kids because I've read books to groups of children, and if you're not engaging, they will tear you apart.
Well, I think the story of the resurrection of Christ is engaging in itself, so I don't know what your point is.
True.
Five-year-old kids are just definitely engaged by just the words alone.
This group of kids is so good because they want to see the picture.
That's all they want is the picture.
And what's funny is any adult reading a children's book like this holds the pictures out, reads over the book, because any adult can read large print upside down in two sentences at a time.
So it's clear she's never done this and she never read the book.
She thought, it's a kid's book.
I got this.
You know the shit I read every day?
You know, I go out there and slate every day on that podium.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
But you know what though?
She looked real good doing it.
Yeah, dude.
Beautiful.
Yeah, dude.
Dime.
She's the one.
So I, on the way she looks, I have two things to say about this is that A, if she was, she was a liberal, two things would happen.
I would definitely, Be more outspoken about how fine I think she is?
Oh yeah.
Dude, she looks like a rock monster.
I'm glad to hear you finally comment on her looks, dude.
I love it.
Look me in the eyes and tell me that the rock monster's not thick.
Oh, he's real thick, though.
Are you talking about the rock monster from, like, A Neverending Story?
Yeah.
Yeah, tell me the rock monster's not thick.
I'm not saying I wouldn't smash a rock.
With a rock, yeah.
I'm not saying I wouldn't tumble that rock.
She's a real brick house, buddy.
But if she was liberal, not only that, but can you imagine what the right would say about her?
Oh, it would be great.
It would be so brutal.
It would be so mean.
Of course.
Let's get into what this comment section said about her.
I just can't wait for her to flip so we get to see those brutal comments and I can finally holler!
What's funny is like she's the daughter of a fucking former minister who's like the biggest fake aw shucks we just we just love God down here don't we and it's like either she didn't inherit any of that and she's just bad at it or she's legit like a closet atheist or something she's I mean she's gotta be a sociopath anyway right?
Totally.
She's not engaged in this.
She's bummed on this.
She's like, I could be telling them the truth about freedom, but instead I gotta tell them about this shit.
She sucks.
So yeah, the comments went exactly how you thought they would.
We found these comments on the White House official YouTube page, which is just a treasure trove of sweet, sweet people.
Luis Aravello says, as Maddie said earlier, she has nice legs.
Which is a fact!
Yo, she has great legs.
Her legs are good.
Is it smooth or what?
Yeah, they're not bumpy or scaled, they're great.
No reptilian blood in her.
They're not just nice legs, they're, as Gus the Broken would say, ZZ Top, she has nice legs.
It's really good when you put into context the reference you're about to make, And then still get that reference wrong?
Yeah.
ZZ Top, she has legs.
She has legs.
I like the ellipses in here too.
Typical Boomer thing.
It's just a bad comment.
Hey, ZZ Top, why wasn't she wearing some cheap sunglasses?
So in my- ZZ Top.
Thug range.
Sorry.
What?
Thug range and not lug range.
ZZ Top.
Every deplorable's crazy for a sharp-dressed gal.
Facts.
Alright, I'm done.
So I thought that this was the Republican, the Trumpers, the deplorables commanding her legs, but maybe I'm missing something because Bob2010 said, fuck off with your creepy sexual comments, you filthy Democrat.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, no, if the comment is bad, then there was a Democrat.
Yeah.
I like it.
It's a good take.
At first I was like, oh, yeah, they shouldn't be making this about her legs.
He's right.
But turns out it's because they're sexual comments from filthy Democrats.
Okay, so you got a boner or what?
When he said that, he got a boner?
He says no boners allowed.
This is not about boners.
Okay.
This is about... Keep your leg comments to yourself, you filthy sexual Democrat.
Okay.
Because we all know the Democrats are the sexual deviants.
No, yeah, I get that.
I mean, they are the sexiest party.
I was like trying to make a joke that you're like a hardline Democrat centrist.
No, I'm just hard for Sarah Huckabee Sanders, but that's what I'm saying here.
You're hot.
My favorite username of all time, his footprints on water.
Yeah, and you gotta inflect this the way it's written because it's HIS footprints on water!
And it has their avatar is essentially these really trolly cartoonish looking feet with nubby toes.
Footprints standing pigeon-toed on water.
It's like the footprint itself is made out of droplets of water.
It's like hard to tell.
It's either that or it's like a chromed set of footprints that are like, uh, you're looking at the opposite side of it.
Like, you know how like a footprint normally goes in?
Yeah.
These footprints are coming out.
Yeah.
It's a, it's like a, it's a, what do they call it?
A relief or something like that.
This is what T1000 leaves when he walks barefoot.
Right.
I think there's like a connection to that Christian like footprint poem or whatever.
You know, you're on the beach or whatever.
Or Jesus walking on water.
Yeah.
Well, it's like a combo.
Remember when Jesus walks on the water in the Bible?
Yeah, it's like a combo of the two.
I mean, there is only one set of footprints in this pic.
Yeah.
Matt has a point.
So, but it's like a hybrid in the picture.
Yep.
Jesus, that fucker had to carry you when you're all fucked up on drugs.
I like that like thought or like that image.
So she was saying, like everyone's saying, how wonderful she is.
Sarah, always the gracious, down to earth, really nice lady.
Thank you.
This was a comment of that same vein, but then Clarity had a really... We gotta call out our own people, you know?
We gotta keep our people accountable.
Because really, her dress is so short, you can see what she had for breakfast.
It's terribly rude and disrespectful.
That's an amazing comment.
Is that an actual phrase?
Is that an actual, like, turn of phrase that I haven't heard before?
It sounds so rude.
I don't know what it is, but it's rude.
Oh, I fucking love it.
Yeah.
Like, her dress is so short, you can see up her colon.
Yeah.
You can see, like, waffle hanging out.
Of all the things, of all the things.
Her dress is so short.
She must have had, um... She must have had an anus for breakfast.
It's so, it's just so rude.
I was gonna say, she must have had really bad, uh, fucking, uh, biscuits and gravy, and she had diarrhea.
It was coming out of her pants.
That's why you wear knee-length skirts.
Exactly.
To absorb the diarrhea.
We just... Sorry.
We just never knew what a hussie she was because of that podium.
Yeah.
What if we didn't know what a what a poopy pants you was because it was too high of a dress But I think clarity seer the username that's like a weird news username as a person who sees clarity clarity Like they don't just like they don't just see clearly they actually see clarity It's tight I like Sarah, always the gracious, down-to-earth, really nice lady.
Thank you.
No punctuation.
I like that because, like, no, it is true.
The way Sarah read from that story was very down-to-earth.
She didn't, like, do it hanging out the passenger side of a Prius.
Uh, she didn't, um, wear, like, uh, high heel stilettos and, like, stomp on balls while she was reading the story of Easter.
Okay.
Just real salt-of-the-earth reading of the Easter story.
Real wholesome.
That was interesting.
Let's skip Barb and go to the next one.
Um, so... Unless you had something specific to say.
Oh, no, that was just a weird comment.
Yeah, it's really weird.
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
But it wasn't replying to anything?
Yeah.
It's completely out of context and it's funny and anti-human.
Because she's tall.
She's tall.
But anyways.
Runs on trails.
Great, great username.
Fit person.
This is a common theme.
These really charismatic things.
Praise God that we have real Christians in charge for even a little bit of time.
It's gotta be so brief.
Such a brief moment of clarity.
God is so good and saved us from certain doom by the blood of Jesus.
Praise the Lord all my soul.
All?
All?
My soul.
Worship his holy name.
He is risen!
Hell yeah.
Great comment.
This just really trails off into some really beautiful like Charismatic Christian stuff here.
I demand for you to look at Sarah Huckabee Sanders and tell me that there is no God.
Yeah.
The proof is right there.
The proof is hanging out of her short skirt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's in diarrhea.
I feel like his footprints on water and runs on trails should hang out because they're both like seem like kind of Christian.
Yeah.
Oh, they're all Christian.
They wouldn't be limited to the trails.
They wouldn't go over the water.
Waterways and inlets.
Yeah, so these people just think the world of her.
This really charismatic, lame-ass person.
Francis Coppola.
No, no relations.
Thank you, Sarah.
Always professional.
My brother thinks you're going to be the first female president.
Is he right?
That last part is my favorite.
Is he right?
Is it true?
Is it true?
Are you not telling us something?
This was a common theme.
A lot of people were saying, like, Sarah 2020, not 2020, Sarah 2024.
It better be her.
It better either be her or Condoleezza Rice or I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah, if she runs for president, that would be incredible.
We could see those legs in an even bluer suit.
Oh, man.
I want to see a three-way ticket.
I want to see Sarah Huckabee Sanders running for president alongside Condoleezza Rice and Frank Mueller both running for vice president.
Oh, okay.
Together, yeah.
I see you, I see you, I see you.
It'd be a unity ticket, because we know Frank Mueller's a fucking Democrat.
It'd be hot, though.
Yeah, so, uh, it did get a little crazy in these comments because, you know, some people were speaking the truth about how most of the family is actually Jewish, but we won't get into that.
Oneus says, Sarah is by far the best at press sec we have ever had.
There is nothing better than a strong, classy woman who stands for her convictions.
Whom stands for her convictions.
Whom stands in her convictions.
In her convictions.
Very important.
May our creator keep her close and may safety be her shadow.
Right behind her.
Okay.
I think the creator should keep her super close.
Just like, you know, call her to him.
Like, hey, come over here.
Why not take her home?
Send her home.
We the people thank her for her service to our great country.
At Magga.
Blessings to all.
Okay, so they think the at symbol is a hashtag, right?
I think so?
Yeah.
Yeah, because at PressSec.
And YouTube.
But just to really clarify, NorCal600 said... Replies.
Replies.
Didn't emoji pointing to you, emoji pointing to you, say something about Sean Spicer?
Exactly.
Exactly!
Yeah, it's the letter U with hand emojis like poking it from both sides.
Yeah, exactly.
It's really weird.
And 1US defends 1US by saying, no I did not.
It's a rarity that I publicly comment on social media.
I have made exceptions for this fine lady and our brilliant POTUS.
I don't know.
Oneus seems like a real veteran of like hashtag wars and YouTube comments.
I don't believe this for a second.
They clearly are vetted.
They know how to do this.
They know how to do the at sign instead of the hashtag They seem like they're very like old boomers like using Facebook like and not knowing how to use it like Norcal's like didn't I see you comment about this and Like no, I didn't but I wouldn't do that.
No.
No, that was one us with the number one.
Oh Didn't you also call Sean Spicer a strong, classy woman whom stands in her convictions?
That's nice.
No, I did not.
And if you saw it, then you have access to my private account.
That's exactly what this sentiment is.
Let's do these last three here.
A lot of people were saying that this is a waste of money, but Tired Patriot wanted to remind us A whole lot cheaper than B.O.' 's pedophiliac teaching and cowboys with crack?
Yeah, dude.
Do you remember that scandal?
Remember the cowboy crack scandal that he spent all the money on?
Yeah, I definitely remember that.
No, it's that what's... I can't remember his name right now, but um...
No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Barack Obama is gay, and he had a lover in college that he did a bunch of crack with.
I can't remember that guy's name, but it's a genuine conspiracy theory.
These people really believe this shit.
Jack Russell came to the defense of BO.
Is this pagan display coming at the expense of the taxpayer?
Church and state separation?
Like, come on guys, let's talk about this.
Well, Stardust replied to Jack Russell saying, Yes, paganism holiday.
Like, yeah, of course it is, but don't worry.
I am sure if taxpayers are also funding this, it would be just a pinch compared to what Obama and the President made taxpayers paid for, ellipses, referring to the B.O.' 's pedophiliac teachings and cowboys with cracks.
Okay, this is crazy.
So this is like, you have to have like serious brain damage to understand what Jack Russell's doing here, which I luckily have.
What he's doing is he's criticizing the reading of the Easter story on White House grounds.
And he's doing it in a way that he thinks will resonate with conservatives and he'll get them at their own game.
Because conservatives, they hate taxpayer money being spent on frivolous activities, like, like, such as this.
Also, conservatives, they hate paganism.
Paganism is bad, and did you, god, goddammit, did you know that Easter used to be a pagan holiday?
They don't even mention eggs in the Bible.
Yeah.
Did you know that, so it's Jack Russell, who has a problem with, uh, separation of church and state,
Trying to win conservatives over by calling Easter their like second favorite holiday, a pagan holiday, trying to convince them of that in half a breath, and B, trying to say that taxpayer money should not go to religious Christian activities, which is the favorite thing, a favorite pastime of Christian conservatives, and it's, you know, it's this thing of
Fucking good, I guess, hearted liberals trying to say, well, Trump's so in love with Putin that makes him a communist.
Don't you Republicans hate communists?
It's like, no, communism is left politics.
Like, you're not winning anybody over.
You're making everybody look bad here.
Shut the fuck up.
Yeah, shut the fuck up.
It's helping nobody.
Alright, that's it for the episode, right?
We gotta wrap this thing up.
This was a fun one.
A lot of very specific types of derangement in this episode that I loved exploring.
Hope you guys had a good Passover.
Yeah, Passover.
That's my holiday.
Yo, if you like the show, please rate and review us on iTunes.
If you're new to the show, say what's up to us at MinionDeathCult at gmail.com.
Join the Facebook page MinionDeathCommandos on Facebook.
Or join the Facebook group, rather.
And, uh, I think that's it.
Oh, we got Patreon episodes every week.
There's a premium episode every Monday.
Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
Uh, the last episode was a very fun one about Roseanne and how, uh...
No, Trump actually likes cross-dressing kids.
It's a very interesting strategy in the semi-right-wing media sphere.
I sounded really good in that episode.
Yeah, no, you were great.
You were cool.
You sounded really low-T, though, in that episode.
True, true.
I was.
Which we don't have a problem with on this podcast.
