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Feb. 21, 2018 - Minion Death Cult

01:21:06

15 - Blackwater Babies

Subscribe to the brand-new Minion Death Cult Patreon and get a full-length bonus episode every week for only $3/month. Patreon.com/miniondeathcult This week MDC solves gun violence with Blackwater Babies, a Gruntstyle tees-for-guns program, and firearm anti-education. On a lighter note, we plumb the darkest depths of symbolism in the new Official White House Portraits of the Obamas that our tax dollars paid for.

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	This is like the racist media because, like, you know, when it's a Hispanic person like Ted Cruz, they don't call him a school shooter, they call him the, uh... What's the serial killer they call him?
	Oh, what do they call Ted Cruz?
	They call him the, um... The horoscope killer.
	Oh, the Zodiac killer.
	Thanks, yeah.
	Yeah, Tom Clancy's the Zodiac killer.
	The horoscope killer.
	Man.
	That's the title of this episode.
	Just fucking dropped that joke.
	Totally.
	We could do it again.
	Nah, it's alright.
	No, I love it because to me what I learned about you right now is that you don't care about horoscopes.
	I don't.
	Good.
	Yeah.
	I only care when they're part of like a murder mystery.
	What if you were the horoscope killer though and then like you just killed all the time every month?
	The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
	So stay tuned.
	We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
	It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
	But stay tuned, guys, and we'll show you exactly what, uh... We'll show you exactly what it looks like when, uh...
	Yeah, I mean, I might have a different take on it than you guys.
	I still think there needs to... stuff needs to be done.
	But yeah, I think we all... I think we actually run a pretty good spectrum on that situation, which is good.
	And I don't mind disagreeing.
	Yeah, at all.
	Because I've kind of developed my... Well, guns are kind of complex.
	Oh, they're absolutely complex, yeah.
	Surprisingly.
	My thing is, like, I believe in gun control.
	I believe that, like, This problem with school shootings, it's not just a gun problem, it's not just a mental illness problem, probably one of the biggest problems of all is a fucking like, to use a buzzword here, a toxic masculinity problem.
	Absolutely.
	That A, gets boys bullied all throughout high school, and B, tells boys the only way they can be a man is by killing something.
	Absolutely.
	And that shit's drilled into our brains from birth, and then you couple that with mental illness, you couple that with lax gun laws.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's fucked.
	However, I don't think we should ban guns until we take them away from cops.
	Absolutely.
	That's so well said.
	The way I see it is like, I've always said this, is like, if I can go like this, Snap my fingers and all guns in the world are instantly gone.
	All fire, power, like that is the world I want.
	You know what I mean?
	Right.
	But that is completely ridiculous.
	And so it's like a tapering off effect.
	But clearly all assault rifles, there's no fucking need for them whatsoever.
	I've shot assault rifles and it's Way too fucking easy.
	Way too... The whole thing is just too accessible and too easy.
	And it feels too good, too.
	How are you going to shoot the government, though, bro?
	With a cannon.
	Accurately.
	With a cannon.
	You pull a fucking cannon up and you just start firing at the White House.
	Real men only need one shot, one kill.
	Right.
	And that kill is the government.
	It's a metaphor!
	What are your views on guns, since we both did ours?
	No, but I mean, basically, like, so I have a very, like, I personally don't have a gun, but I also am not completely anti-gun.
	I grew up hunting the whole gambit, right?
	But, and I would like to be like, cool, you know, if I play a system of killing people, I give them my PlayStation, right?
	You know, we have these people, there's literally people on the right that are saying, like, we have a civil war coming.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And they have all the guns.
	Yeah.
	They're stockpiling, bro.
	The left doesn't have the guns.
	They don't have guns.
	No, they don't.
	That's a big problem.
	Yeah.
	And that's scary.
	This is real, this is a very relevant topic.
	Like, when I finally meet Adam Calhoun and we fucking box, he might shoot me afterwards.
	No, he won't.
	Oh yeah, absolutely.
	He's not going to be able to take getting his ass kicked by you.
	And after I whoop Adam Calhoun's ass, One of his friends might shoot me.
	Or a follower of his might shoot me.
	Come at me, Adam.
	That's why you gotta do it, like, you gotta live stream it so that you kick his ass so bad that he's just got no friends afterward.
	Like, it's one of those kind of fights.
	You can just lose some teeth and some blood.
	Just gotta really toss him around.
	Like, rub dirt in his face, dude.
	Okay, uh...
	I'm Alexander Edward.
	I'm Mount Matt.
	And I'm Tony Boswell.
	And we are Minion Death Cult.
	The world is ending.
	Our new Patreon exclusive feed is responsible.
	Hashtag Patreon.
	Hashtag Patreon.
	That's not the link to go to our Patreons, but support Patreon in any way, shape, or form you can, you know.
	We're documenting it.
	Yeah, that's fair.
	So, big announcement.
	We had a show set up.
	We were ready to go.
	And then the universe intervened.
	Yeah, big announcement.
	Another fucking shooting happened.
	Right, so another shooting happened yesterday.
	A mass shooting.
	A giant, terrible tragedy.
	Killing 17 people.
	This is yesterday our time.
	This is already old news by this point.
	There's probably been three more of them.
	Eight days old by the time you hear it.
	Yeah, there's probably been like Three or four more mass shootings in the meantime.
	Literally.
	And it's pretty heavy subject matter.
	You know, it's not something we were necessarily eager to talk about on this show, but just so much fucking disgusting content has been coming over my Facebook feed and the Minion Death Cult group.
	We kind of just have to address it.
	We kind of just have to fucking... The least we could do is, like, Clown on these people saying terrible things online in the wake of a tragedy like this.
	Can we say just like, you know, it sucks that this happened?
	We can say that.
	I'm fucking sorry that this shit happened to you guys in Florida and this shit should stop.
	It sucks.
	Yeah, and so, like I said, we had a show set up, and we decided to bump some of that to a brand new feature we're gonna try to do, which is a bonus episode every week.
	We're gonna try hard.
	I'm gonna drink a 12-pack.
	Just kidding.
	I'll drink a couple of those with you.
	You'll drink a 10-pack.
	I'll have a 9-pack.
	You gotta give the listener their money's worth, you know?
	See?
	So, no, this is not something we're gonna try to do.
	This is something we're gonna start doing.
	From this point forward, we're gonna have a bonus episode, Patreon-exclusive bonus episode every week.
	Hell yeah!
	This doesn't mean less content for free, same content for free, more content if you want it.
	And so that is patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
	$3 a month.
	$3 or $3.11 if we can.
	Please try to donate $3.11.
	They're not gonna let you, but just try anyway, and maybe if enough people try, they'll make that much-needed change to the Patreon system.
	Yeah, they'll change it and just make $3.11 an option.
	311 and an option.
	It goes 3, 311, and then 4.
	Yeah.
	The Patreon will be much like the, um, the Patreon files are to main death cult as like blacked raw is to just plain blacked.
	Oh, I understand that reference.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So, you know, it's worth $3.
	I don't.
	It's fine.
	The people out there that get it, get it.
	And that's who, they're the ones who want to pay the extra dollars.
	They're that target demo, yeah.
	I don't get it.
	This isn't like, you know, if you listen to That Awful Sound, you know that on Patreon for That Awful Sound, up to this point, has been like deleted scenes and stuff like that.
	This is going to be a full episode.
	Yeah.
	It's going to be a full episode every week.
	Double your pleasure, double your fun.
	We're still working out the kinks.
	We're going to try to make it the same length, an hour, hour 15.
	It might vary, you know, until we get things may vary, you know, 15 minutes or whatever, until we get things settled.
	But that's what we're aiming for a full big boy episode for our Blue Star Boy and Girl listeners.
	We're not going to call you guys that though.
	Oh, no, that's the title in Patreon already.
	So yeah, you should have called.
	Okay.
	What?
	What should I call it?
	Like, something military-ish?
	Like, command...daunt?
	I think Blue Star Boy is pretty military.
	Just Blue Star Boy.
	Blue Star...it's literally like a decoration.
	Alright, well Tom Donnelly... I know you're already contributing to the Patreon, so thanks.
	We are gonna put $3 in the Patreon in Tom Donnelly's name.
	And link it to his Facebook.
	Okay, so yeah, that's gonna come out.
	Today's Wednesday for you folks.
	Monday?
	Monday?
	Yeah, dude, if you could get it on there, my Monday would be tight.
	Maybe, can we switch?
	No, we can't switch the day.
	What?
	Maybe we do Monday?
	Because, I mean, as a driver, or a commuter, I would like an episode on Monday.
	Yeah, that's why I said Monday.
	It seems like a good idea.
	But Wednesday's too close to Monday, bro.
	I would want it on, like, Thursday.
	Personally, as a consumer.
	So you're saying move the main show to Thursday?
	Yeah!
	I would just want them both as quick as possible, personally.
	Alright, whatever.
	Yeah, I can stack them.
	I think you can stack them.
	Fine.
	It's cool.
	I mean, we can talk about this later, you know.
	Yeah.
	Yes.
	Okay, uh... Get it!
	Subscribe to the Patreon.
	This is a whole other episode for me to edit and release, but I'm gonna do it.
	I'm willing to do it.
	This shit's fun.
	Uh, doing... doubling up on these episodes has been something we've been talking about for a while now, and I think we're... you know, this was the impetus we needed.
	This is the difference we needed.
	So the part of the show that we had originally for this one is going to get bumped to a new episode.
	Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
	That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult.
	It's tight.
	If you're not familiar with Patreon, you get a private little link that you plug into your podcast player and it creates a new show in your podcast player right next to MinionDeathCult.
	It'll be like its own little podcast and have all the episodes listed.
	It's gonna be cool.
	We're excited about it.
	We're happy to do this shit.
	People have been asking for more content.
	Cool.
	This is that.
	Speaking of people who just need that content, we got another iTunes review from loyal listener StroDozer, and this is a five-star review Uh, with an interestingly contradictory title that says, know your place.
	Uh, and it goes a little something like this.
	Dear Hollywood celebrities, you exist for my entertainment.
	Some of you are great eye candy.
	Some of you can deliver a line with such conviction that you bring me to tears.
	Some of you can scare the crap out of me.
	Others make me laugh.
	But you all have one thing in common.
	You only have a place in my world to entertain me.
	That's it.
	You make your living pretending to be someone else, playing dress-up like a six-year-old.
	You live in a make-believe world in front of a camera, and often when you are away from your... What?
	This is a tough one.
	You live in a make-believe world in front of a camera, and often when you are away from one, too.
	Oh, the make-believe world occurs off-camera as well, I get it.
	Your entire existence depends on my patronage.
	Tie back to Patreon?
	Patreonage, yeah.
	That's French.
	I'll crank the calliope, you dance.
	I don't really care where you stand on issues.
	Honestly, your stance matters far less to me than that of my neighbor.
	You see, you aren't real.
	I turn off my TV or shut down my computer and you cease to exist in my world.
	Once I am done with you, I can put you back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again.
	I don't care that you don't like Mr. Trump, but I bet you looked cute saying it.
	Get back into your bubble.
	I'll let you know when I'm in the mood for something blue and shiny.
	This is insane.
	And I'm also supposed to care that you will leave this great country if Trump becomes president?
	Ha!
	Please don't forget to close the door behind you.
	We'd like to reserve your seat for someone who loves this country and really wants to be here.
	Make me laugh or cry.
	Scare me, but realize the only words of yours that matter to me come from a script.
	I might agree with some of you from time to time, but it doesn't matter.
	In my world, you exist solely for my entertainment, so shut your pie hole and dance.
	Um, can we just... I think this is an artist.
	I think this is... Yeah!
	I mean, I love the comment, I don't know...
	It's hilarious, dude.
	I love the comm- I don't know quite why it's in our- our... I'm sorry, dude.
	You're making so much noise over there.
	I love that- I just don't know why it's in our review section.
	I- I'm confu- Like, I like the comment.
	It's just interesting that it's here.
	But you know what?
	Was this review helpful?
	I'm just gonna click yes.
	Yeah, there it is.
	It's five stars.
	Hopefully, like I said, hopefully they think that you are a celebrity.
	Oh, that's true.
	Yeah, we are- We are celebrities now.
	I didn't think about that angle.
	They only press play to listen to us.
	And all of our comments are scripted, so that's what they're talking about.
	They enjoy, like, our scripted conversation.
	They've already pressed the skip forward button through this, so they're good.
	Yeah.
	Tight.
	15, 15, 15.
	Because League is for the entertainment, you know?
	Okay, yeah, so, uh... Dance for you?
	Excuse me?
	That's why we gotta get a video feed, bro.
	Get suplexed.
	Yeah, so, uh, if you're feeling wild, you know, if you're feeling generous or you're feeling wild like Strodozer here, uh, leave us a rating and review on iTunes.
	Five star, though.
	Five stars, baby.
	You can say whatever you want about us, just leave a five star review.
	Yeah, it's gotta be five.
	Alright, so let's get into these, uh, awful mass shooter memes.
	This shit is, uh... It's crazy how that rolls off the tongue.
	Yeah, it's got a ring to it.
	This shit is gnarly, guys.
	It's a thing that exists now.
	Alright, let's do this one first.
	This one popped up authentically for me in my feed.
	This one popped up a lot.
	This is a meme from Uncle Sam's Misguided Children, which is a Facebook account that I've been familiar with for years.
	fucking deranged and I have people you know like those few friends that I reluctantly uh accepted you know co-workers that I accepted 10 years ago that I haven't talked to and you know about that length as well uh they like this page and it's just you know it's just like the most deranged macho yeah uh homicidal page on Facebook just about like the guy in the meme Like this guy in the meme.
	So, uh, yeah.
	This one went around.
	He looks like a mad man.
	Mad Max man.
	He looks like Christian Bale with a beard.
	Oh shit.
	Is this... Terminator Christian Bale?
	It looks like Terminator Christian Bale, but I don't think it is.
	I think it's an actual veteran.
	I'm gonna hope it is.
	It's Terminator Christian Bale wearing, like, those goggles that come with a motorcycle-themed teddy bear.
	The leather helmet?
	Yep.
	Or like the ones from Disneyland, like that you get, or like the aviation area?
	Yeah, exactly, yeah.
	It's either like a... In California land?
	It's either like a teddy bear pilot, or like a teddy bear motorcycle rider, you know?
	Right, right.
	But this is an operator.
	This is like a tier one operator.
	This is a dude who's seen some shit of the elite of the elite.
	Beardo, headset, kafaya, all this shit.
	He's seen some things.
	The meme goes, top text, one way to stop school shootings.
	Bottom text, www.unclesamsmisguidedchildren.com.
	Place three armed veterans in every school.
	There are thousands of unemployed, trained veterans and retired police officers who would love the job of protecting our children.
	That's a weird thing to say.
	It's a weird thing to say?
	It's a weird way to say it?
	Yeah!
	This is, uh, this is a popular theme.
	This is, this is a theme that, uh... This is the rights answer.
	You know, these, like, like we talk about on the show.
	The rights answer.
	This is the rights answer.
	Absolutely, yeah.
	The military, our veterans, our service men and women, just literally the best people.
	Absolutely.
	Just by virtue of them being these operators, these service members.
	I mean, there's nothing that they can't do, and there's nothing that they can't do the best.
	Yeah.
	Including protecting our children.
	So, you know, you take your high school with 3,000 kids and just fucking throw three vets in there roaming the halls with AR-15s.
	Oh my god.
	I mean, yeah, they have to have like a central coordination.
	You know, they have to have some sort of like, what do you call it?
	PTSD?
	I mean, they probably do have that.
	But I mean, so do the kids that go there, so... That's true.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I think this meme, though, says more about the school system and their, um, low standards for the kids, uh, with this lack of punctuation.
	Also, why do we get, like, the out-of-work veterans?
	Yeah.
	The ones who couldn't get a job elsewhere?
	Why don't we just have more veterans?
	Why don't we have a separate military?
	They're called schoolies.
	They're the schoolies.
	It's a branch you can join.
	It's Coast Guard, schoolies, Air Force, Homeland Security.
	Homeland Security.
	No, it would be Homeroom Security.
	Homeroom Security!
	That's it right there.
	But in this new America, it should be private, so Blackwater... It should be an offshoot, like a kiddie version of Blackwater.
	Like, it's... Blackwater Babies.
	Blackwater Babies!
	It's Blackwater Adventurers.
	Like, remember, like, the Sheriff Adventurers?
	No, I don't know.
	They were, like, teenagers who would wear, like, a different color sheriff's uniform and, like, basically intern as a sheriff.
	They were, like, young rats.
	What the fu- Oh, is this, like, like- They're, like- It's a real thing, yeah.
	Oh, so it's, like, uh, what is the- ROTC.
	Yeah, ROTC.
	Yeah, exactly.
	But, like, for Blackwater.
	Fuckin' narc ass.
	Oh, dude, that's tight, though, because Blackwater- Blackwater Rangers.
	It's, like, Call of Duty Black Ops.
	Well, I mean, Blackwater already has What is her... God dammit, I'm so bad with names.
	Whatever, Blackwater School.
	Uh, Blackwater has connections with Betsy DeVos.
	It's her brother who's like the founder of it.
	Eric Prince?
	Yeah.
	I mean, Betsy DeVos.
	Get him in the schools.
	Secretary of Education.
	She's still the Secretary of Education?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, unfortunately that has not changed.
	It's just funny because like everyone who's like in the White House is like kind of like circulating.
	Well no, she's like- People get fired, you know, people come back.
	Yeah, but she's absolutely like terrible.
	So she's gonna stay.
	Oh, she's the worst.
	Yeah, she's gonna stick.
	It's only the kids, so don't worry about it.
	She's one of my worst, uh, the biggest bones I gotta pick with the Trump I mean, there's so many to pick from.
	But she's also our gateway to this, so yeah, maybe this will happen.
	I love that.
	No, yeah, you set up Blackwater.
	You send Blackwater, who have only a spotless record in dealing with civilians.
	Uh, you know, no, no blowback or anything like that.
	No human rights violations.
	I love this, though.
	No, well, see, they want the unemployed veterans.
	Yeah.
	They want, and I like what you were saying, Tony, like, we could always just make more veterans.
	Yeah.
	Just make, like, make more, you know, and we can print more.
	Um, you see this meme, this idea.
	I say meme, I mean idea.
	You see this idea float around, you know, like, this is an old-ass meme.
	Like, this meme might be new to, like, in this incarnation, but this is an old-ass fucking thing you see happen every time there's a school shooting.
	The idea is, uh...
	There's a bunch of veterans that need jobs and let's give them jobs.
	And it's like, if you're fucking bored, if you're bored dick, if you're bored Doug, if you're bored Bruce, like maybe get a different hobby.
	Maybe talk to the wife every once in a while.
	I don't want you patrolling our high schools just because you don't have shit to do.
	Nah.
	Cause you know who you probably hate is teenagers.
	Like, there's no way.
	That's a real big conflict of interest.
	It would be a really crazy reality, like, for those kids, you know?
	Like, they mouth off to the wrong fucking PTSD vet and they're gonna get a fucking mouthful of lead and shit, you know?
	Okay, let's move on to the next one.
	I also don't want that until there's better body cams that can't be turned off.
	Yeah.
	Well, keep dreaming, buddy.
	In line with this, we got a... It's a common theme.
	...Twitter post from Insomnia__King.
	Nia underscore underscore king.
	AKA.
	Hmm?
	A.K.A.
	Noctis.
	I'm not reading that shit.
	Noctis, Lucis, Calem.
	Okay.
	He's a scary boy.
	He's a Satan boy.
	He's a Crowley boy.
	He's a spooky boy.
	No, I think that's a reference to some anime shit or whatever that I don't care about.
	Yeah, he's a spooky boy.
	This needs to be said.
	The obvious solution to school shootings is trained and armed teachers and guards.
	So this sounds like a crazy thing.
	This sounds like a really stupid thing.
	It's not.
	They were pushing this legislation to arm teachers.
	They, aka the Republican caucus.
	Like, they can't give money to schools for fucking books and pencils and shit, but they want...
	They want teachers to grade papers in their own time, not get paid for it, go shopping for school supplies, and somehow we're gonna afford to give a gun and training to every single teacher there is?
	Hey, why'd you guys cut the music program?
	Oh, we had to teach everyone how to shoot a gun.
	What fucking music program?
	Exactly, yeah.
	It's alright, we'll work the books, we'll just make it, uh, put it on the military budget.
	It's just a little more.
	There would be a hair more, yeah.
	Just a smidge.
	Yeah, this is like, it's so fucking stupid.
	If they're trained by the military, then it's military logic.
	A gun in every classroom.
	Yeah, put one in every classroom.
	It's that whole mentality, it's like, nobody with a gun gets shot.
	I could just imagine, like, the whole classroom, like, when it first gets enacted, like, everyone just, like, looking at the teacher's desk all crazy, like, freaking out every time the teacher, like... But I could also imagine, like, not sending my kid to school.
	Yeah.
	Oh, fuck yeah!
	I mean, it's that easy, really.
	Well, that's the reality.
	That's the real version of it.
	It's so stupid.
	You would send your kid to this?
	Here's the real question though.
	Your teacher's got a gun, right?
	There's an active shooter in the school.
	The biggest question on my mind is, who do you root for?
	Right?
	You got the mean old teacher.
	Giving you F's.
	Swatting your knuckles with the ruler.
	Who you gonna root for when that school shooter comes in?
	I root for bad boy Jimmy who brought his parents fucking 22 to class.
	Because it's the right thing to do.
	Well, that's the homie.
	Just in case.
	No, I'm talking about like my boy who like has his parents gun in his backpack.
	That isn't the school shooter.
	Just in case a school shooter comes in.
	Exactly.
	That's what I'm saying.
	He's doing the right thing.
	Third party.
	So I'm like, hey Jimmy.
	Did I say Jimmy?
	Yeah, you said Jimmy.
	Jimmy go... Saint Jimmy.
	I like this character you've created.
	It's Saint Jimmy from the American Idiot Broadway Show.
	My name's Saint Jimmy and I'm here to protect the class!
	Don't worry teacher, I'll save your frickin' ass!
	Oh my... goodness.
	Dude, the sweetest punk guitar riffs behind that.
	Davey Havoc plays Saint Genie.
	And then, yeah, the next week it's Joan Jett.
	Alright, let me finish this tweet.
	So we didn't even get to the best part of this tweet.
	Like, yeah, give guns to teachers.
	Make teachers sort that shit out.
	It's not like they don't have enough to do.
	Yeah.
	This has been proposed, like I said, this has been proposed in real life, but Democrats resist it.
	That is because they actually like school shootings.
	They use them to push anti-gun laws.
	What do you mean?
	What does he mean, Alex?
	Uh, well, I think, uh... Is he referring to the fact that...
	That all school shootings are fake?
	They're fake.
	They're all false flags.
	They're giant theater performances by the Democratic Party.
	This is why we've defunded the arts.
	Because that money for theater was going to stage these false flag events.
	That is because they actually like school shootings.
	Democrats.
	They actually like school shootings.
	They use them to push anti-gun laws.
	I love this theory.
	This is like a huge theory too.
	This sounds like a crazy thing to say.
	It sounds like a crazy thing to think.
	Democrats love school shootings.
	That sounds like a hyper-partisan thing to say.
	Like only Democrats are bad and all Democrats love school shootings.
	It's so crazy because nobody loves school shootings.
	It's such a fucking crazy thing to say.
	Yeah, I mean, gun companies are the ones who benefit from school shootings.
	Like, if we're trying to follow the money here... That's a real-ass thing.
	If anyone was gonna love them, it would be, you know, I don't know, Smith & Wesson?
	That's the only gun company I know.
	Well, I mean, just like the NRA, like... The NRA?
	What about F&N?
	What is that?
	F&N, Pistol, Holt, Tuck... That's another company.
	Yeah.
	It's like, I don't know, I only know it from Gucci songs.
	What about Gwent-style wear that says, shirts that say you own a gun?
	Oh, shirts that have guns on them.
	That's a good point, too.
	Yeah, that shit's booming.
	It's frugal to, like, if you can't afford the record, you buy the Banty.
	Absolutely.
	I can't afford the gun, but I can afford the, like, Cold at hand shirt.
	And that should be our solution.
	We should meet in the middle with the right wing, have these common sense solutions.
	Hey, maybe you don't get a gun, but you get a nice picture of one on this t-shirt.
	Why don't you get it tattooed on your face?
	We'll give you this shit with, oh, like, like stitches?
	Like stitches.
	Or like any other wrapper.
	You like guns?
	Well, you can't have a real one, but you can have a t-shirt with one on it.
	Like, you don't even need a background check or anything.
	Like, I'm totally cool with it.
	Like, grunt style fucking sucks, but that's the compromise I'm willing to make.
	Yeah.
	You can have a window sticker for your house that says, like, this home is armed.
	You don't have a gun in the house.
	Right.
	But you get the sticker that tells me, don't even try it, bud.
	Yeah, we don't call the cops.
	We don't call the cops.
	Because we totally have guns in here.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I like that.
	We wear a dog and there's no dog in the yard.
	Right.
	It's a huge racket.
	Brinks?
	There's no home security there.
	Nope.
	But we don't know that.
	This is a common refrain though.
	Democrats are the ones who want school shootings because then they can use it to push anti-gun laws.
	Oh yeah, all those All those anti-gun laws that have gotten passed since 2012, since Democrats have been causing school shootings in order to get legislation passed.
	They just love these because they're so helpful in getting all these gun reforms passed that we've had passed.
	I wish they were right.
	I wish the problem was that Democrats are getting too much done.
	I wish that was the case.
	I wish that one thing had changed since fucking Sandy Hook.
	But they're not good at this.
	They're terrible at this.
	Nothing changes.
	Things get proposed and they get shot down and that's all they're doing.
	I mean, I hate to do this, but I think I saw something earlier tonight that Trump rolled something back regarding guns.
	He rolled a few things back.
	He rolled back school safety, but that one particular bill about mental illness, domestic violence abusers not being able to get guns.
	He's absolutely made it more easy for at-risk people.
	I was just reading a Politico article about it.
	I posted that Politico article in the Facebook group.
	Uh, Minion Death Commandos.
	Fuck yeah.
	Find it on Facebook.
	It's a really good article just about, you know, the way these at-risk people can sort of slip through the cracks of A, the mental health system, B, the justice system, and C, the school system.
	Like, schools see this sort of behavior before it happens and they can't really do anything except expel them.
	They can't do anything because they don't have the fucking budget to do anything.
	They don't have the resources to actually talk to these kids and find out what's wrong.
	Exactly.
	Keep tabs on them.
	This kid was in mental health.
	He was getting help, he was getting treatment, and then he left.
	He voluntarily left.
	I'm not saying we should start institutionalizing people left and right, but there needs to be a better system in place to catch this stuff early.
	Like, they did things.
	The school did things.
	They were aware of his mental illness, they were aware of the fact that he was known for stalking a girl, that he had these comments on places he'd been reported.
	He wasn't allowed to bring a backpack into school.
	He couldn't bring a backpack into school, and then eventually he was not allowed to come to school.
	But the thing is, though, is like, unless you're doing the work outside of school, unless someone's talking to whoever his I was just going to say, we need to get less serious.
	Agreed.
	or himself or whatever the situation is, if that work's not being done, you're not going to stop someone who wants to walk through something.
	You have to get them not to want to do that, you know?
	I was just going to say we need to get less serious.
	Agreed.
	Let's let those good times roll with this next one.
	All right, so this is a post from a page called Informed Folks. - Yes.
	Uh, and this post is a Facebook post.
	It's a page, obviously.
	It's not a human being called Informed Folks.
	Says... It's more like a state of mind.
	It's a higher frame of consciousness.
	People in the United States have had guns in their homes for over 200 years, and mass shootings have only become a problem in the last 30 years.
	If you look, there's a huge correlation between the rise of gun shootings and the decline of disciplining your children.
	Anyone can say correlation.
	Anybody can.
	Well, yeah.
	What's that famous phrase?
	Correlation equals exact causation?
	Exactly.
	It's a science phrase, dude.
	What are those science phrases?
	From science school.
	Yeah, yeah.
	They've only become a problem in the last 30 years.
	Remember the good old days when they were just old-fashioned bombings?
	Cult leaders.
	Air raids.
	I mean, 200 years ago, people weren't walking into Densely populated high schools with high-powered semi-automatic rifles and killing dozens of people?
	Nah, they weren't, dude.
	They weren't doing that.
	They couldn't do that?
	What has changed?
	Oh, there are schools now?
	We aren't disciplining our children.
	And I think, who was it in the Facebook group?
	Let me see if I can find this real quick.
	You guys can vamp if you want.
	There weren't schools 200 years ago, also.
	Oh, there were schools 200 years ago.
	I mean, there were schoolhouses and there weren't school shootings.
	There were disagreements and settlements with firearms.
	They would duel.
	The kids would duel.
	Yeah, the kids would go out front with a pistol and whoever got the pistol shot the other one.
	Like the old west.
	Like the wild west.
	Every kid had a gun so, you know.
	See, I think we need to bring that back.
	We need to actually make kids and adults dumber when it comes to guns and then that way they miss.
	They miss when they try to shoot you.
	And use them more quickly.
	Like, don't train people in firearms.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Let them figure it out on the fly.
	The strong will survive.
	Like, why would you be training potential killers?
	That's what I'm saying.
	Like, leave them in the dark on which way the gun points.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	But yeah, also... I just love this.
	What was different 200 years ago?
	Oh, it was the discipline.
	That's what was different.
	Yeah, that's all.
	I mean, instead of shooting kids, you know, parents... Instead of other students shooting kids, parents were just beating the shit out of their kids.
	Yeah, Sean Adams says from the Facebook group, we need to start using guns to beat our kids.
	That's what Sean took away from this post, which yeah, I think that's right.
	That's us.
	I would put money on it.
	I don't know if the kid was ever pistol whipped.
	He probably should have been pistol whipped.
	Yeah, you pistol whip your kids and that way they get an aversion to firearms.
	Sean's also on Cricket.
	Sean?
	What?
	Sean's on Cricket too.
	I don't know what that means.
	It's his service.
	Oh, Cricket Wireless?
	That's cool.
	Well, I want to know, Sean, how's that Cricket?
	What that Cricket do?
	That's really interesting because isn't Cricket like a conscious phone company?
	No, it's for old people.
	Oh.
	So Sean can only call his mother and post in the Facebook group.
	That's all Sean is allowed to do.
	That's all Jitterbug allowed to do.
	He has a button for there.
	Just kidding, Sean.
	You're the homie.
	I don't know you, but you're funny and I think you're probably going to like that joke too.
	Okay, uh, real quick, yeah, the same day of the school shooting, fuckin' Alex Jones, like, posted a picture of a rifle that had been modified so that the safety was on, uh, the safety was labeled safe space.
	On a gun.
	On the rifle that had been modified, the safety was labeled safe space, the semi-automatic function was labeled triggered, and then the automatic function is labeled something libtard.
	I think it's full libtard.
	Full libtard.
	Oh, that's tight.
	That sounds kind of tight.
	I gotta be honest.
	I mean, yeah, like, it's talking about, you know, like, genocide and stuff, but full libtards is pretty tight.
	You gotta go full libtard sometimes, dude.
	Yeah, I realize that the settings are probably safety, one round, and three round burst.
	Don't at me, bro.
	What's full libtard?
	What is that?
	It's like Nancy Pelosi when she's, like, swishing around her dentures in her mouth.
	She's the only old person with dentures.
	I just imagined like her mouth being big enough for them to like spin around in her mouth.
	Yeah, that's her gag thing.
	She goes, I-E-I-E-I, and her fucking dentures spin around in her mouth.
	I was going to say, are we going to start a surf garage noise punk band called Full Lib Turd?
	Yeah, I think we have to now.
	Well, Full Lib Turd's a sick band name, and so is Nancy Pelosi's Rotating Dentures, or whatever you said.
	I was going to say, those are both good.
	Are you guys going to go to the Nancy Pelosi's Rotating Dentures show tonight?
	It's worth it just to make people have to say that.
	In PRD, dude.
	Like I said in the Facebook... Like I said in the Facebook group, you know, Alex Jones is always complaining about how, like, his voice isn't being amplified and, like, conservative voices are being censored and shit.
	And then he posts a picture about, like, literally spraying liberals with an automatic rifle.
	It's like, yeah, I wonder why people don't want to hear your shit.
	I wonder why people think you're fucking toxic for the world.
	Yeah, he's a piece of shit.
	He's literally like, oh, I'm going to shoot all the snowflakes.
	But we know he fucking sucks.
	Dude, my new favorite thing to watch, though, is definitely those Alex Jones compilations where he's losing his shit.
	Oh yeah, absolutely.
	They're the best.
	Where they're all blown out and zoomed in on him.
	If you want to feel good about yourself, just watch that guy go crazy and apologize to God in the audience and just be the worst person.
	Dude, that clip, that fake Alexa commercial, where it's Alex Jones is the voice of Alexa, it's so good.
	I'm pretty sure I've seen it.
	It's just him screaming at an interracial family.
	It's insane.
	It's the best.
	I wish I had the confidence to scream.
	I'm going to start screaming into this mic like he does every once in a while.
	Let's move on to a lighter subject, and I mean that in the subject in the artistic sense.
	Lighting, you mean?
	What?
	Lighter, like lighting?
	Oh, a lighter subject?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like an art, like lighting for an art subject?
	Yeah, for like where you would hang a painting in a gallery and it would have lighting on it?
	With just one light on it?
	Yep.
	Goddamn.
	It's anti-humor.
	Yeah, right.
	Anytime a joke's not funny, it's because it's anti-humor.
	It's because you don't get it.
	That's what I dole in here.
	Yeah, no, I meant like subject.
	Like the subject of our next subject are the artistic subjects themselves, Obama and Michelle.
	Well, Barack and Michelle Obama.
	Right?
	They got their portraits painted.
	Sweeties.
	And, uh, these are the official White House portraits painted by, like, gay murdering communists.
	Right.
	And that are then going to be hung in the Oval Office, and Donald Trump's gonna have, like, right in front of Donald Trump, and Donald Trump is not allowed to close his eyes.
	Yeah, they're hung in the Oval Office, right?
	And it's like, it's just like not, it's just like a disgrace.
	So you said he's not allowed to close his eyes.
	So it's like Alex DeLarge being sat in the fucking theater.
	Doesn't the first lady have to carry the portrait of Michelle?
	Yeah, and she actually has to like paint her skin dark to look like Michelle.
	And then we get to tell her that's problematic.
	Like we get it both ways.
	Like she has to do it and then we get to call her out for it.
	What a cool world we live in.
	I have seen that she now claps on the threes and the fours.
	She got it.
	So we're getting there.
	So two out of... What?
	How many criteria are there?
	The last one, she has to be transgender.
	Exactly.
	Like Michelle.
	Excuse me, Michael.
	Michael with a hot dog hanging out bottom of her.
	Okay.
	Alright, so these are the portraits that were commissioned by the Smithsonian.
	They're not the official portraits of the White House, despite what every single person on the internet believes.
	And, you know, Obama's was painted by a dude by a pretty, like, Hot artist right now?
	Not hot artist right now.
	He's a prolific artist.
	He's been doing this thing for a long time.
	I've been following him for a very long time.
	Okay, tell us about him.
	He's amazing.
	He is doing these massive Like, this new approach angle to a very traditional style of painting.
	These are very much Renaissance paintings.
	Right.
	He got a lot of clout from the people saying, he painted pictures of white women decapitated by black women.
	The black women were holding their heads.
	Right, which is tight.
	And they're also direct replications of old Renaissance paintings of warriors holding heads.
	Yeah, it's reference to like any number of famous paintings, including like Judith Beheading Holofernes.
	Like these are famous paintings that you know, listening.
	This is nothing new.
	This has all been there for, you know, the whole time.
	You know, he's everything they hate.
	You know, he's black, he's in your face, he's queer.
	Like, he's everything that they hate.
	Sure.
	So, of course, if he makes this painting, there's something wrong with it.
	Oh yeah, totally.
	For the record, we know this, but the painting is fucking dope.
	It's the best gift you could give these people.
	Give them the person they hate so they can just hate them online on Facebook all day.
	That's what they want to do, so just let them do it.
	This painting, he's shining on him.
	He's getting it.
	Yeah, I mean the painting is like, it's aesthetically pleasing.
	You know, it's obviously like a bunch of weed behind Barack Obama, which like I really like.
	You know, it's Barack Obama sitting in a chair like chilling, which is like the way I like Obama.
	I like him chilling.
	Exactly.
	You know there's gonna be like...
	Is Obama getting the royalties from this?
	Is he getting the proceeds?
	I won't buy it unless Obama gets the proceeds from it.
	They already have the shirts.
	Yeah, okay.
	Yeah, that's tight.
	That's fucking tight.
	That's for the culture.
	Like, no.
	Yeah, that's cool for sure.
	I mean, who cares?
	Is Obama okay with that?
	Does it matter?
	Is he okay with that?
	Is Obama getting the royalties from this?
	Is he getting the proceeds?
	I won't buy it unless Obama gets the proceeds from it.
	This is going, is this going to change?
	Is this going to Shepard Fairey?
	No, I like it because it reminds me of a page out of Where the Wild Things Are.
	That's why I like it.
	But as an artistic expression, I don't know.
	It looks good!
	Aesthetically, it looks good.
	I'm talking about the meaning behind it, right?
	Is there a meaning behind it, though?
	Kind of.
	Well, it's his style, which is a repeating pattern behind a semi-photorealistic, you know, a renaissance-style portrait of a person.
	It's like a superimposed... yeah, it's like a... yeah.
	It's like a well-painted person in front of a wallpaper background.
	Yeah, and it's a stark juxtaposition.
	It brings the object very much to the forefront.
	It brings him in that chair, in that stance, to the forefront with a beautifully colorful background.
	It's awesome.
	Yeah, it does look cool as fuck.
	And, uh, Michelle's is cool, too.
	Look at the rest of the work.
	It's ill.
	And Michelle's is fucking gorgeous.
	Michelle's is, I think, cooler, actually.
	It's interesting.
	It caught a lot of flack.
	It's super, like, geometrical-looking, and she just... The way she's in the middle of that frame, she just looks fucking sick.
	Same thing.
	Check out Amy Schiller.
	Like, she's...
	Chirald.
	Sorry.
	Amy Chirald.
	She has... Her work looks like this.
	It's consistent.
	It's well done.
	It's fucking beautiful.
	Like, it's current art.
	It's not... It is what it is of the time.
	It is of the generation.
	It is of them.
	Yeah, this ain't your daddy's art, folks.
	Put your typing fingers away.
	Let's get into the real artists, the people who comment about this shit.
	I don't have this person's name here.
	The uncredited artist, the unnamed soldier, says, This portrait is really an embarrassment to the history of the highest office of our great country.
	It's an embarrassment to the history of the highest office of our great country.
	Say it again.
	How could he have found this portrait acceptable?
	It is not presidential at all or flattering.
	I personally think the leaves and flowers have a hidden meaning, and it is not a good one, especially as the artist is known for his painting of black women holding the heads of white women.
	And I just want to say, like, she's supporting the heads of white women.
	She's not, like... Yeah, she's holding them up.
	She's not kicking them around on the floor.
	No.
	She's holding them up.
	She's showing them respect.
	She's like, look.
	Look at it.
	Support other women.
	Yes.
	Support their heads.
	With your hand.
	From the top of it.
	Or is it, is she holding it from, is it from the bottom?
	From the hair.
	From the hair?
	Yeah, I figured it was from the hair.
	There is also speculation that there are numbers and letters craved into the very front of the chair.
	I find this portrait very disturbing but it does speak of the kind of legacy he has left behind.
	I fucking love this comment so much because it's like, it's trying so hard.
	I personally think the leaves and flowers have a hidden meaning and it is not a good one.
	So, like, you personally think that there's a hidden meaning.
	If you're thinking it, then it's not hidden.
	Yeah.
	If it's hidden, then how do you know it's not a good one?
	It's like, so what, you think there's numbers in the chair, but you don't want to, like, look at them?
	There's also speculation that there are numbers and letters carved into the front of the chair.
	Fucking look at the chair!
	Look at the goddamn chair!
	Dude, I... This is my favorite thing.
	I love it.
	There's speculation!
	There's speculation that Obama is in this fucking painting.
	I heard I can zoom in on my computer, on my Mac, but I'm not sure.
	I love people that are this kind of scared of black people.
	I love people that are like, no, they're up to something.
	She's so scared she's doing something.
	She's so scared of black people she won't take a closer look at this painting.
	I don't want to know the truth.
	Stay woke, ignorance is bliss.
	Yeah, there is speculation that there is a chair in this painting.
	Sally Muth.
	Good ol' Sally Muth, our blue star girl.
	Just based on name alone.
	Sally Muth says... Stop saying it, dude.
	Mrs. Muth says...
	See, this is honesty right here.
	Yeah, that's real.
	That's real!
	Like, why would I like this portrait?
	Why are you asking me?
	normal portrait.
	He left a heck of a mess to be cleaned up.
	See, this is honesty right here.
	Yeah, that's real.
	That's real.
	Like, why would I like this portrait?
	Why are you asking me?
	Sally Muth.
	I wouldn't say Muth is being, is being, you know, reserved.
	I'd say muth is being... No, wait, what did you say?
	What I was gonna say is that she's racist.
	The reason why she doesn't want to be seen... We knew that!
	Yeah!
	Just cause.
	She's like, I didn't like him from the moment I saw him.
	Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
	When I heard him talk, I thought maybe I could trust him, but then I saw him and I was like, why would I want to see a portrait of him?
	Why would I want to see his black ass in paint?
	Why would I want to look at him in a painting?
	Good luck editing that one, Alex.
	Which one, where I said the B word?
	No, the one where I was like, wait, what did you just say?
	That's funny.
	The B-Word.
	The B-Word.
	Bobby B-Word Gustafson says, I read in another post that a wooden chair in a garden represents ruler slash power in Islam.
	Cause you know the Herald legacy of black garden metaphors that are strong in America.
	What the fuck?
	I did imagine like some cool like A moor, a moor, a moop.
	M-O-O-R-S, moors, you know.
	Moops, that's a Seinfeld joke.
	Imagine a beautiful moor general sitting in a chair in a garden, just looking all badass in a painting.
	Some kind of renaissance painting.
	Sure.
	That would be sick, yeah.
	That's what I imagined from that comment.
	And if you imagine it, then it must be true.
	Then it must be what Bobby Gustafson is talking about.
	That's it.
	If you can imagine it, he's got a point.
	Bobby imagined it.
	Bobby B-word over here.
	I love this.
	I read in another post, this man is getting his information in the right place, which are other Facebook posts.
	This man who will tell you that Snopes is fake, and that Wikipedia is fake, and that NBC is fake, is citing another unnamed post that he read.
	About a chair.
	About an evil Muslim chair.
	No, this is something that he inferred after seeing African Mombata album artwork.
	This is reminiscent of that.
	Abdelkarim Hayy says, uh, this must be a devastating news to all Obama haters, but who cares?
	Obama was a gallant gentleman president with his everlasting charismatic Michelle.
	Thank you, Mr. President.
	What's the dev- so this is a pro-Obama post, you know, one of our few liberal posts in here, in this, in this podcast.
	What is the devastating news?
	That somebody painted Obama?
	You painted him good, in your face.
	And like, I have to say, like, no, this is like a fucking birthday present to deplorables.
	Like, they love this shit.
	Like, you're giving them something to make fun of.
	Obama portraits are to conservatives, as school shootings are to Democrats.
	Right, exactly.
	To lib- to lib- What is lib tur- Lib turd.
	Lib turds.
	Full lib turd.
	Full lib turds.
	Which I can get behind that one a lot, yeah.
	And that's from the English SAT portion.
	That's the analogy portion of the SATs.
	Hope you guys are paying attention.
	Which we are phasing out to employ three rugged men to patrol the halls of your high school.
	Kelly M. Pashal says, These are so embarrassing.
	The mainstream media will all hail to these cartoon portraits.
	What a joke.
	Did Whoopi paint them?
	What did Oprah paint these?
	Oh my god.
	Does Whoopi Goldberg paint things?
	No, she's black, dude.
	You get it?
	You get the joke though, right?
	Remember in Sister Act, she was painting.
	Well, I think they did paint over graffiti in that movie, to be fair to Kellyanne Pashall.
	That's what she's talking about.
	Did Kunta Kinte paint these paintings?
	JJ Cairo says, this is really too bad because we imagine there are hundreds if not thousands of real black artists.
	We actually love the primitive art of Africa.
	Oh my god!
	You know those real black artists that can only finger paint stick figures?
	Oh my god.
	It's not the primitive art?
	They love the primitive art.
	They love those simple people.
	I just love that these are like, these artists are not just black artists, they're like the blackest artists.
	They're the primitive ones.
	The actual artists who painted these portraits.
	Yes.
	They're very black.
	They are black.
	They make black art.
	But I don't get it.
	They're not drawing paintings of lions and zebras and stuff?
	How could they be black artists?
	In the cave.
	On the African subcontinent.
	They don't just do Afrocentric patterns?
	Yeah, it's so... They would be so bummed if they really knew what these artists were doing.
	I don't know, they sound like experts to me.
	It's like they know what they're doing and they're really mad about it, yeah.
	It's working.
	I mean, fucking Obamas should have gotten an artist to paint them in like dashikis and like, you know, with just like basic like tribal fucking borders around the paintings.
	I think they should have just got Terry Richardson to take pictures of them.
	That would be a good compromise, for sure.
	Oh, that's good.
	Wearing Terry's glasses?
	I love the idea that people think that the fuckin' Obamas picked these artists.
	Like, the Obamas... They're not commissioned paintings.
	What?
	They're not commissioned paintings.
	They're commissioned by Smithsonian.
	Yeah, not by the Obamas.
	Or the White House, or the government at all.
	Like, we talk about how Obama's like a cool president.
	You know, for a president, very cool.
	Obama's not like...
	A hipster?
	Obama's not like a hip artist.
	No.
	He's a dork!
	Like Obama's a dad dork, you know what I mean?
	But he's cool enough that someone would paint cool pictures of him.
	No, I gotta defend my president, man.
	Uh, no, he is kinda cool.
	He is kinda cool.
	How cool is he, though?
	He knew about, he knows he's an artist.
	Spotify playlist, though.
	He's aware.
	The Spotify playlist!
	That's the moment when I knew I was like, I could kill Obama.
	Obama's got a guy for that.
	No, does Michelle?
	Because Michelle made the playlist.
	That's deep state shit, dude.
	Because Michelle made the playlist.
	Yeah, that's more accurate.
	And like, he used to have...
	Awesome artists come through and perform.
	The amazing hip-hop pictures that happened during the Obama presidency are just through the roof.
	What about the photo of when he had every relevant black musical artist in the White House?
	In the Oval Office?
	In the Oval Office at one time.
	Yeah.
	Okay, but those are like mainstream artists.
	I'm not discrediting their coolness, but those are like mainstream artists.
	But so is Wiley.
	I don't know him.
	And I'm cool.
	And he's on the mainstream.
	I don't know how to tell you this.
	He's on the main feed.
	I don't know how to tell you this, but you know how there's like Twitter and then there's like black Twitter?
	Uh-huh.
	There's also like art and then there's like black art.
	I don't know any art.
	Whoa.
	I don't know any art except the coolest artists which are Banksy.
	Yeah.
	And um... Shepard Fairey, dude.
	Shepard Fairey and Keith Haring.
	Keith Harington.
	And Dean Coots.
	And Scott Adams.
	You feel me though?
	These are prolific artists.
	The Obamas did go to museums, so they did see these artists.
	Okay, you're right.
	The Obamas picked them.
	I mean, they didn't not pick him.
	They were not like, thanks, Obamas.
	Sure, whatever.
	I don't know who that is, but I'll take it.
	They were stoked on it.
	Cindy, uh, unpronounceable last name, says, look at the negative space above his head looking above his head and there's like two big bug antlers coming out of the top of his head.
	Look at the negative space above his head.
	They're pretty big and they go up like antennas, like a bug, like a locust.
	Love this comment.
	So, this is a new, like, type of inner-earth race.
	Inner-earth dwelling people.
	Yeah, it's not the- The locust folks.
	Right, it's not the lizards.
	He's not even a cool lizard.
	He's a- He's a locust.
	He's a locust.
	Well, I love- I love she didn't go- So, she's saying that there's- Yeah!
	She's saying that there's, like, two spike things coming out of the top of his head, but they're- Like antenna.
	But they're not devil horns.
	But she, like- She went Satan?
	She went the other way with it.
	She went with bug antennas.
	Like- What's the guy from a Bugs Life flip or something?
	All of them?
	That would have been a good reference if you could have nailed it.
	All of the characters from Bugs Life with antennae?
	Oh, you're talking about Woody Allen from Antz?
	No, Bugs Life, dude!
	You're talking about Antz, right?
	I'm Team Bugs Life, bro.
	I'm not Team Antz.
	I don't know, bro.
	Antz has, uh, what's his face from The Tick?
	Uh, well, whatever.
	I'm Team Bugs Life, so...
	Okay, all right.
	Yeah, so she's like she saw two and I like maybe in the pattern of it you know maybe there's like a couple lines that meet up to make a fucking like like shade like the shading is maybe or an antenna over here.
	Maybe she huffed some paint and then was like yeah I see antenna coming off his head.
	I like to think that she doesn't know what the devil is.
	She's not aware of the concept of the devil.
	In her world, there is no, like, hell or evil.
	She's like, it's like a bad bug.
	But she simultaneously, like, doesn't just... Ew, this looks icky.
	I don't know what this is.
	It's a frog moth.
	I think he might be a... might be like a bug.
	That's a frog moth from Twin Peaks, dude.
	That's what he is.
	I just got done watching Starship Troopers.
	Kind of reminds me of something like that.
	I would say that Obama would be the brain bug.
	Absolutely.
	Because he's such an elitist.
	He's such an egghead, looking down on us thinking he knows everything just because he's a brain bug.
	Precisely.
	I haven't seen that movie in less than ten years.
	It's the big giant brain that Neil Patrick Harris shoves a drill into.
	Yeah.
	Oh no, I remember that.
	It's fucking awesome.
	I just missed the movie.
	Me too.
	Red O'Leary says his hands are not right.
	Not good at all.
	Okay.
	Yeah, people were picking apart the hands, but the thing is the hands are actually really, really good.
	The hands are fine, people.
	Hands are hard to draw.
	People are saying that he has a sixth finger, and I don't mean like making fun of it.
	But it's like, look at your hand.
	Yeah.
	Well, I don't mean, like, they're making fun of it, saying, oh, it looks like he's got a sixth finger.
	They're, like, reading into it, like, oh, he has a sixth finger.
	They drew a secret sixth finger because of the way his, like, hand fat folds when he puts it on his knee.
	Yeah.
	That's only two sixes away from the mark of the beast.
	Let's look for other sixes in this painting.
	Have you actually seen a photo of Obama where you can see that part of his hand?
	That's true, I haven't seen that.
	I also haven't seen his sixth testicle.
	He's got six dicks.
	I read in another post that Obama has a sixth testicle.
	No, he's got six dicks, dude.
	Okay.
	Not testes.
	Okay.
	I'm trying to keep it real, like realistic.
	He's got like udders.
	He's got udders in his crotch.
	Obama has six dicks set up like udders.
	Desi Chargo says, Seriously?
	All of the prior portraits look so distinguished and President Obama looks like he's on a port-a-potty in the woods.
	But luckily that's the only thing that looks different between this portrait and all the rest of the portraits.
	There's a... There's, well, I guess three things.
	I was going to say a couple things, but you just mentioned the third one.
	But, yeah, there's a couple things about this comment that I like.
	Yeah, seriously, all of the prior portraits so distinguished.
	So she's obviously talking about the artist's previous portraits of these black women holding the white severed heads.
	So distinguished in his other work, but then this one, just something about it she don't like.
	Right.
	No, okay, obviously she's talking about... The White House portraits?
	The prior White House portraits.
	Which don't have anything to do with these paintings.
	What's funny, she's probably thinking of, like, George Washington crossing the river painting.
	Yeah.
	George Washington crossed the Potomac.
	That's not his portrait.
	The other thing is, President Obama looks like he's on a porta-potty in the woods.
	The only time these people sit down is to take a shit.
	I saw this comment all across the internet.
	Oh, it looks like he's pooping.
	Oh, it looks like he's taking a duty.
	Because Obama is sitting in a chair.
	Which is right!
	Yeah, that's correct.
	If you stand for America, the only time you can sit is when you shit.
	It's the only time you should be sitting down.
	Precisely.
	Because if you're an American, the anthem is playing in your head all day.
	All the time.
	You're sitting at attention.
	And you're allowed a 10 minute bathroom break every day.
	What about when you ask your girlfriend to marry you?
	You don't.
	You put it on pause?
	Yeah, you don't ask a woman anything.
	Or does the government pause the anthem in your head?
	Uh, let's see here.
	Let's see if we can figure this one out, this question that you posted.
	When you're asking a woman to marry you, you're basically praying.
	Because that's between you and God and her, so you're allowed to kneel for that.
	Okay, that makes sense.
	You can kneel while you're praying.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
	But what's funny is that these idiots don't even know that we would know he was shitting because I believe the Obamas have a squatty potty.
	I believe the Obamas have the addition to the toilet, that you have downstairs, that you put your feet on, that bring your knees up a little bit and help your angle for taking doodoos.
	There's no squatty potty in this portrait.
	Exactly, so that's how we know he's not shitting.
	They like a good turd.
	I'll reply to Desi and let her know.
	The Obamas use a squatty potty for sure.
	Hal Perry, not Halle Berry, says, yo bummer.
	Love that, love that Obama nickname.
	That's one word by the way.
	Not just oh bummer, but yo bummer.
	Yo bummer.
	Oh my god, I didn't really realize He was replacing that.
	I just read it.
	I didn't realize he was replacing Obama with Yo Bummer.
	Oh yeah.
	Wow.
	That's his nickname.
	A little nickname.
	Oh dude, there's so many good nicknames for Obama.
	What a cutie.
	My favorite one is No Balma.
	Like, no ball-ma?
	He doesn't have balls?
	I like that one.
	I love the ones that are, like, so detached from the source material that, like, if you say it out loud, it just doesn't even sound like it.
	Out of context, it's nothing.
	There's also, like, okrumba?
	I've seen that one a lot.
	Do you mean I crumbo?
	Yeah, I was gonna say Bart Simpson's like, oh crumbo, dude.
	Oh, we need to make that into a t-shirt right now.
	Simpsons, uh, Butterfingers, uh, skateboards.
	Butterfinger BBs or Butterfingers?
	Give me both.
	All right.
	Hal Perry says, yo bummer should never be compared to all those great presidents whose pictures showed...
	He was an illegal president put in by the NWO who did nothing to help our country, only hurt it.
	Jesus, dude.
	You guys remember that?
	You guys remember when... when uh... Hulk Hogan... and Scott Steiner... and other members of the NWO... That was D-Generation X, my bad.
	Put Obama into the White House?
	Yup.
	That was WrestleMania with Mike Tyson.
	Well Stone Cold fuckin' stunned him into the White House, bro.
	Is the NWO, is that the one Billy Corgan owns?
	Yeah.
	The NWO is the New World Order.
	I thought you were being serious.
	Were you being serious?
	Yeah, I don't know shit about wrestling.
	Of the WCW.
	It's like an era, right?
	Yeah, it's an era.
	It's an era.
	It's before Billy Corgan's time.
	It's the Attitude Era, bro.
	It's Hulk Hogan with dyed black beard.
	Remember that?
	No.
	I never watched wrestling.
	He had blonde with black.
	Oh, it's tight.
	Black down the middle.
	What was your Billy Corgan joke, though?
	Oh I was just gonna say that was like before Billy Corgan really made a name for himself back in the NWO era.
	Absolutely right.
	He maybe wrestled a bit on WCW.
	No I love this goes back to our other like mass shooting argument about how Democrats love mass shootings because it helps them start the new world order.
	It's so beneficial to them because it's allowed them to start the New World Order and take everybody's guns.
	Yeah, it's worked.
	It's working really well.
	And this is the same argument that you see with Obama and the New World Order that Obama was an illegal president installed by the Deep State or by the New World Order or by the Illuminati.
	And he would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling Floridian voters in 2016.
	Like, what happened?
	What did he achieve with this all-powerful New World Order who installed him?
	What did he get done?
	There's a direct correlation between the rise of Rockefeller Records, The Rock, Illuminati, HOVA, Jay-Z, record sales, the rise of Kanye West, and the election and deification of Barack Obama.
	Okay, you're right about that.
	Alright, so they did accomplish something.
	Open that third eye.
	Alright, well yeah, then those bastards, they did it.
	My favorite thing is when people decide to hate every other, like to, no, to love every other president except for Obama.
	Like this is the one time they love Bill Clinton and Reagan is when it's just not Obama.
	Right.
	It's no Obama.
	Yeah, but Kanye is a Trumper now.
	All those great presidents.
	He was for like a minute and then took it back.
	He was like, he was for a minute and then he went to rehab to detoxify from all the Trump.
	Man.
	He wasn't even, he wasn't even like a Trumper.
	He was like a I don't know.
	He tells it like, I don't know.
	Have you seen my shoes?
	Yeah.
	And then they were like, New Balance loves Trump.
	And then that's what happened.
	That's how Kanye got caught up in that.
	It was New Balance's fault.
	He was like every single person from our grandparents' generation before actually 2016, which was like, I don't know.
	He's kind of fun about Trump.
	And then when he actually made it to the final round, people were like, oh shit.
	You gotta remember too that Kanye also does not know how to use Facebook and has also probably been drunk with Trump in the same room at least.
	So imagine your uncle, if your uncle has also been drunk in the same room as Trump, he would vote for him twice as hard.
	No, it's not.
	Okay, let's move on to the final, I guess this is the final part of this.
	Yeah, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, this is the other thing.
	Okay.
	We have two mock-up edits of these portraits.
	Let's do Michelle's first.
	Okay.
	So this is like...
	You know, there were a lot of threads about these portraits in the deplorables groups, these White House official permanent portraits in the Oval Office.
	There were a lot of threads about this and a lot of people were posting edits.
	And somebody just posted... So they think Michelle's a transgender woman.
	They think she has a penis.
	It's really fucking ingrained in their culture.
	They don't call her Michelle.
	They all call her Michael.
	It's like everybody.
	Because she's really pretty.
	No, and it's all based on the fact that she has like... It doesn't matter if she's pretty.
	No, I... Okay, but she's like... I just don't get... Where does this come from?
	Well, it's all based on the fact that she's like literally a strong woman.
	Right.
	It's all based on the fact that she is not what they're used to.
	Yeah.
	She's black and she's... Yeah.
	She's tall.
	She's smart.
	She's tall.
	Yeah.
	She's athletic.
	She has defined arms.
	She is gorgeous.
	She looks great.
	And she's powerful as fuck.
	But this is canon.
	This is like canon in the right wing.
	Especially in the boomer generation.
	It's Michael.
	The name is Michael.
	It's Michael or Mooshell, but you don't even see Mooshell anymore.
	Cause that just alludes to Michelle.
	It's fucking the worst cause she's the best.
	So somebody did a meme, a real life meme with her portrait by like printing it out on a piece, like they posted this photo comment in the comment section and they printed it out and then they taped a wooden dowel to where like her dick would be.
	It's like one of those pegs that goes in a shelving unit to hold up a shelf.
	From like Ikea.
	I thought it was a hot dog.
	No, it's not.
	Look at the grain.
	Look at the wood grain on that.
	My vision is not good, dude.
	I got my eyesight tested and it's not good.
	Vegan hot dogs have wood grain.
	Because they're made of trees.
	Yeah, no, it's either a very wrinkly hot dog or it's a dowel.
	It's the hot dog from the movie theater in the Seinfeld episode.
	Yeah, dude.
	I love this.
	I love this, like, real life ingenuity.
	Somebody was like, fuck, I don't know how to use Photoshop.
	I'm not that great at MS Paint.
	I didn't think about it like that at all.
	They printed out a fucking, like, and it's bad.
	It doesn't, it looks like you printed this out on your fucking home computer.
	Yeah.
	On a normal ass piece of paper.
	In 1997.
	And then fucking put a dowel, you know, at her crotch level and taped it.
	You could see the tape in the meme.
	And they colored the tape.
	And then took a photo of this.
	They colored the tape to make it match up with the... Oh, you're right.
	...with the blocking on her dress.
	Holy shit, you're right.
	So there's a little more effort involved, which took at least ten minutes.
	No, but you can still totally tell it's tape.
	I think it's punched through the back.
	Okay, I wanted it to be tape.
	Oh, it is punch.
	It's still crazy.
	It's punch to the back, but it looks like it's held there with tape, but it's punch to the back.
	And it's like, what's crazy is these people can't even draw a dick.
	They could have just drawn a dick with like, been all crazy, done the hair and everything, you know, but nope, gotta have a dowel.
	And now she looks like a fucking pirate.
	It just looks like a peg leg.
	So I was thinking it was tape, which I really liked.
	sticking out the bottom of her fucking chest.
	It's a ball with a peg leg.
	This is like, so I was thinking it was tape, which I really liked.
	I liked that somebody just laid a dowel on the piece of paper and taped it down there.
	And then colored the tape.
	Colored the tape, you noticed that.
	That would be insane.
	But no, somebody took a dowel and like punched it through the back of this piece of paper.
	And then they probably did a little like back and forth like fucking motion for their own benefit.
	You mean that noise?
	Yeah, unfortunately you can't photograph.
	There's no technology.
	There's no way to photograph the fucking... You can't do looping images, right?
	You can't, no.
	It's just one picture.
	We're looking at it right now.
	You can't do multiple... multiple whatever frames.
	What's funny is the dowel's kind of high def.
	The dowel looks good.
	The dowel looks great.
	It has nice resolution.
	Whoever did the dowel, we can compliment them.
	Oh yeah, the dowel's great.
	This is like a newer phone.
	I'm assuming this is a phone picture.
	Oh, what if it's not a phone picture?
	What if this person has, like, a DSLR, they took a picture with that, had it uploaded to the computer.
	If I know anything about boomers, it's that, uh, they are very bad at using their phones, obviously, but they're very good at taking pictures of themselves with the built-in webcam on their laptop.
	True.
	Because that is at least 50% of these people's profile pictures is just of them, like, peering at their laptop.
	That's bad, though.
	It's a poor attempt.
	I think what they did is they put the... They held it in front of it?
	They laid it down on their keyboard and then they folded the top of the laptop down and took a screenshot of it.
	No way.
	No?
	Too much light, dude.
	Okay, well, alright.
	What's your alternative?
	What did they do then?
	DSLR.
	This is a full-on photo shoot with lighting.
	We're riffing here.
	You're supposed to yes and me, not no period me.
	No nothing.
	No, yeah, that's what happened for sure.
	They just shined a light in there.
	The whole thing is just so insane.
	Let it go.
	I like that, yeah, they folded the laptop almost closed and then they stuck a flashlight in the opening.
	I love the layers in the transgender Michelle Michael story.
	It's like, oh yeah, they actually have a subfamily they use as surrogates to make their kids.
	Also, like, Obama's gay?
	Like, Obama's gay because of flowers?
	Well, yeah, definitely because of flowers.
	Obama's gay because of flowers.
	Well, and because his wife is a man.
	Going back to the whole, oh, I think there's a secret meaning to those flowers.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, the flowers, there's three types of flowers that represent Hawaii, Africa, and Illinois.
	There literally is a meaning to the flowers, but it's not secret.
	If you read anything about this fucking painting, you would know what this hidden message is.
	So he was born in Africa?
	Yep, the flowers prove it.
	I demand to see his flowers.
	I demand to see this man's flowers.
	Show me the long stem flowers.
	We've only seen... That's a long form birth certificate joke.
	It didn't land at all.
	I'm looking at you like, smiling, like, yeah, continue.
	Where's the punch?
	You should have seen the first draft.
	You just punched the mic, so that's where it was.
	You should've seen the first draft of this poetry.
	It had, um, goats, spam, and bear sweaters.
	Goats?
	Spam?
	You're gonna have to explain that one.
	It's Africa, Hawaii, and Illinois.
	Oh.
	Thank you very much.
	Wow.
	So, which one is Spam?
	Hawaii is Spam?
	Hawaii is Spam.
	I love Spam.
	Goats is?
	Africa.
	Okay.
	What?
	And then, uh, Chicago Bears sweaters.
	Alright, let's... So, the other mock-up we have, long-ass episode.
	Yeah, this is insane.
	The other mock-up we have is of the Obama portrait, and what has been done to this, I'm not sure which to explain first.
	It's so confusing.
	It's very confusing.
	Okay, it is, alright, good.
	It's sort of a mixed metaphor.
	So, Trump is standing in the foreground, even in front of the Obama portrait, and I think in this mock-up, The portrait is still just a portrait, but like Trump's real, but like the portrait is a portrait?
	Yeah.
	You know?
	If that makes any sense?
	No, it makes no sense.
	This is a wall that portraits hung on and Trump is walking past it?
	Yeah, exactly.
	Right.
	Because Trump and Obama are not like on the same level.
	Their proportions are way off.
	Yeah, and so like Obama's sitting mid, you know, mid-frame and Obama, did I say Trump?
	Obama's sitting mid-frame and Trump is like standing cut off at the knees at the very bottom.
	That's not his body shape, by the way.
	No, this is a very flattering body type for Trump.
	Well, overalls are flattering, so.
	That's true.
	He's wearing teal green overalls and work gloves, and he's holding a pesticide spray bottle.
	Right.
	And he's spraying the painting, which is then creating an American flag that's covering up the portrait.
	You got a theory about this, man?
	Are you sure that's what's happening?
	Yes, and the joke here is that he's killing the weeds behind Obama with the pesticide and that's what's creating an American flag at the same time?
	Behind it?
	The flag was behind the painting of Obama?
	It's really confusing.
	The weeds grew over the flag.
	He had to kill the weeds on top of the flag.
	And his body painting grew over the flag.
	I mean, this shit's toxic.
	If you spray a human, they'll probably die.
	Or, I feel like some idiot could say that Trump is painting an American flag over it.
	That's what it looks like.
	He's using the spray bottle, the pesticide hand pump spray, to paint.
	Over the painting.
	It's like Mario Paint, where you just spray and the picture just comes out.
	It's something you can't do with this piece of tool.
	I mean, that makes more sense that he's spraying caustic disease and immune system disease-causing chemicals and they're just naturally creating an American flag.
	That's what the American flag is made of.
	It's a good metaphor, yeah.
	It's a good metaphor, but if you look at it, it looks like he's just like, like the long spray hose thing he's holding looks like it's supposed to be like a paint roller or something and he's painting the American flag over the old portrait.
	But no, it's like a pesticide thing.
	It's all wrong.
	And the American flag looks fucking bad.
	Real bad.
	It's like... Paper mache.
	It's like a child's drawing of an American flag.
	Like this is a great metaphor.
	And what's the other thing that they do when they use a bad picture of him?
	Because there are some pictures of Donald Trump where he looks not so terrible.
	They own every bed.
	But he's doing the shitty duck lip face.
	That is like a shitty look.
	It's his fuck you face.
	Look what I'm doing.
	That's what they like about him.
	They like that he's sassy.
	Yeah, it's real weird.
	They like that he's bitchy.
	Yeah, he's bitchy like a...
	Like, he's a spoiled child.
	Well, he's bitchy like a reality show star.
	Yeah.
	I mean, that's who he is.
	And that's what they love about him, and so yeah, of course they're gonna own this like... Duck lips, yeah.
	Suck it, liberals.
	Like, that's what this is.
	Totally.
	Anyway, that's the show, right?
	We got anything more to say about this?
	He's like the Paris Hilton of politics right now.
	Nah, just that I thought that was a hot dog, and I want a hot dog.
	It's hot.
	That's hot.
	That's hot, dawg.
	Alright.
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	Basically the bonus episode is going to be another one of our totally real stories about a person going into an establishment and just not getting the service that they expected.
	Exactly.
	Or deserve.
	And frankly their rights being violated.
	Their right to browse the aisles of their local grocery store wearing the things that they want.
	Living their life.
	Yeah, wear the clothes you want.
	Fuck it, mask off.
	Wear the uniform for the job you want, which is, in this case, Donald Trump Street Performer.
	Right.
	Fake it till you make it, baby.
	Alright, so that episode's coming your way on Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
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