Damn. Things got quickly heavy. While we prepare ourselves to talk about what the gang's takes are regarding the current situation in the Middle East, we decided to look back to a time before Steven was a failed actor. When he was a struggling actor portraying a bully (go figure) in the 2009 Christian high school drama film, To Save a Life. Check out the "Crowder Cut". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbc7KtL32FU Email: louderthancrowder@gmail.com Twitter/X: @thancrowder Music by DJ Danarchy
Welcome to Louder Than Crowder, a podcast about the podcast, louder with Crowder.
My name's Byron.
Just threw up in my mouth.
Shit.
You know, it's just kind of the burn stays back.
I love the burn.
Got the GERD.
I'm joined tonight by Jared.
Hey, I'm Jared and I'm filled with fully loaded nachos.
Awesome, man.
That's cool.
Were they served on a barrel?
Served in a pizza box.
Oh, and that's Dennis right there.
Hey, what's up?
Just curious about barrels.
Yeah.
Tough week.
It's been a really, really messed up week.
How did I know you were going to say that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hamas launched a surprise attack in Israel, killing more than 1,200, taking an estimated 150 folks hostage.
And now, of course, Israel is bombing Gaza hard after cutting off their gas and food.
I'm gonna be real with you.
I've had a sick dog this week, and I had no clue.
That's how I'm finding out, actually.
It's a pretty horrifying situation.
I've cleaned up so much shit this week, you guys.
Aw, buddy.
It sucks.
You know, we're trying to... It's been a whole thing.
It's been a whole three weeks, and it's just gotten a little shittier this week.
I know that you're joking here.
But imagine being someone who didn't find out about in like 9-11 until like a few days later.
Did you know James Cameron was down in a submarine during 9-11?
Oh.
What?
Yeah.
And then he came up and like found out?
Yeah, and Jared Leto's weird sex cult was in the desert when COVID started.
Oh, COVID.
I remember that one.
I never realized how much I at least appreciate immediate access information.
Like, if someone tells me something, I will look it up immediately.
Of course.
I can't imagine being like, oh it's, I've been out of service for a while, let's see what happened.
Oh god.
Speaking of seeing what happened, in the Louder Than Crowder universe, Episodes like Israel at War, How the Biden Administration is Responsible for Hamas Attack, Israel War Goes Global, Pro-Hamas Protests Flood Western Cities, Israel-Hamas Intensifies, AOC Wants the Jewish State Gone, and Israel Lights Up Gaza.
Will Trump Save the Middle East?
I couldn't answer the last question, that's a no.
Honestly, episodes like that, I'm just too exhausted at the thought of hearing what Steven and the boys really have to say about all this.
Yeah, I think I would be really angry.
I think that... I think we know.
We know what they think.
Of course, yeah.
And the thing with all of this is that I'm not a specialist for this.
I can't discuss the history of it all.
I don't know, man.
It bums me out so hard.
I think it's just because everyone's attacking.
I think I might be able to.
Oh, Jared's got it.
Do you want to do commentary for the whole show?
Yeah, okay.
And again, it worked for me.
You get everyone a little dog, you get them a little sick, then you kind of forget about the rest of the problems in the world, you know?
Is that what you recommend?
Puppies for everybody?
You worry about your little puppy, yeah, you know?
I mean, or get yourself a large submarine.
Or a large submarine.
Maybe a desert colt.
Go under the water.
It's fine.
Yeah, I mean, I feel, I haven't listened to his episode, but I know it's just a bunch of bullshit.
Yeah.
I mean, it generally is, but I think it's, it's like New Puppy's level of bullshit right now.
Dog shit?
Can we call it puppy shit?
It's enough.
It's enough with the shit.
So wet.
Down the road I'm sure we'll talk about it because unfortunately it's looking like it's gonna be a long conflict.
So today I thought it might be nice to take a break and cover something a little bit more light.
What are we covering?
Welcome to Petty Town.
Population us.
Petty Town?
Yep.
We're gonna be discussing Steven's performance in the 2009 film To Save a Life.
Oh nice!
I love this movie so much.
You've seen this before?
This is my favorite movie of all time, actually.
Wow.
Yeah, on my Hinge profile.
Hmm.
People ask me, what's your favorite movie?
And I just played the clip, the whole movie for two minutes.
You're married, I thought.
What?
Hmm.
American Christian drama film directed by Brian Baugh, starring Randy Wayne.
What else has he worked on?
Deja Kurtzberg, Robert Bailey Jr., and of course, Steven Crowder.
Oh, he's a movie boy?
Well, I mean, we briefly talked about it.
This is one of them.
Before he was a failed actor, he was a struggling actor.
And this is him in the process of that struggling.
And man, I've watched this movie three times.
Three times, really?
Those are rookie numbers, man.
Yeah, it sucks.
Where are you watching it at?
It is free on YouTube, but okay.
I feel like you could also rent it legally.
I have my alarm set every day, then it just wakes me up, and then I have to watch the whole thing.
Oh, so you've done this before.
Every day before morning, yeah.
It seems like- Every day before morning.
Pre-morning hours.
When it's still night.
It's like fourth meal, but it's just- Come on, man.
It's just this.
Let's just jump in with a very royalty-free early 2000s Soundtrack.
Okay.
Ooh, yeah.
Stephen's coming up the stairs.
This is why I'm hot, man.
This is why I'm hot.
Ooh, you were the guitar guy?
Oh, damn, dude.
Skateboarders.
Backwards hat.
I like all the panning transitions.
Yeah.
What does the shirt say?
What rules?
The gym?
Gym rules, dude.
I couldn't tell if the shirt meant the rules for the gym or that the gym does in fact rule.
I bet it says gym rules and then like number one is like something really fucking rude.
That's what I would expect.
Don't be a dog.
Why don't you just wear a big dog shirt at that point, Steven?
Come on, Steven.
Big dog, baby.
Have some real style, bro.
Style continues.
Same song again?
This is a continuation of the scene.
Eat, sleep, rest, repeat.
Where's mine?
Why don't you get your girlfriend to get one for you?
Okay, you know I don't have a girlfriend.
Since you have no latte either.
She got you on that one, dude.
Yeah, you know your mom got me, okay?
She's an attractive woman.
Your mom and I, we get along.
I'll talk to you about that later.
The Big Ugly has jokes, say something funny.
You call me the Big Ugly one more time, I'm gonna kick your ass.
I'm sorry.
What is this?
You wanna get out of here?
You know I don't need much to skip calculus.
Wait, is this how this movie starts?
We're a little out of order just for the sake of discussion here.
Fuck calculus though, right?
Fuck calculus.
I failed out.
I got a D in pre-calc.
I was in advanced math.
Shouldn't have been.
I was in calculus and then I just I dropped it because I didn't really see the value in it long term because that's not what I was doing with my life.
The Big Ugly, though.
The Big Ugly.
Also, I think what I love most about that clip, at the very beginning, when he's like, uh, where's my coffee?
It was just very bad.
It was like they told him the line right before he practiced none of it.
Pretty cool, really fun, uh, what was I gonna say?
Oh, we gotta remember The Big Ugly, though.
The Big Ugly.
That's his nickname from here on out, of course.
The Big Ugly, okay, cool.
Call me that again.
He might kick my ass, dude.
He just about beat the shit out of this dude.
Honestly, I thought it was because he was a minority.
He's already giving me vibes, man.
On screen here, Amanda Amy Briggs.
It's in the credits as Amanda in quotes Amy, which I've never heard of that as like the, you know, abbreviated version.
What?
Yeah, what the fuck is that?
That's not probably right.
She brought her cool team captain boyfriend, Jacob Jake Taylor, a latte.
Jay.
They're in this pre-class circle.
The man we just talked about quite a bit, the big ugly himself, Douglas Doug Moore.
According to Wikipedia, the name Amy, sometimes short for Amanda, Amelia, Amelie, or Amita.
No one has ever gone by Amy short for Amanda.
No, that's fake.
I got more to say.
I got more to say.
All right.
Jake sees his old friend Roger limping away as him and Amy skip class to go to the beach.
Okay, so Jake, the blonde Rocket Summer looking guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Very, very... Sees Roger limping.
Yes, and Roger is, well, we'll learn more about Roger.
And they go to the beach.
Amy and Jake go to the beach, and they have a picnic in the bed of a truck.
Nice.
Slamming some Martinellis.
They are slamming Martinellis.
Have you seen this movie?
No, I just saw a couple of clips.
I did some quick right arrow through it.
You're not supposed to do that.
You're the blind boy.
I know!
I couldn't be blind on this.
I heard Steven was an actor, and I was just really horny for it, so I went for it.
Speaking of horny though, whoever was behind the camera on this, they kick off their sandals and the cameraman lingers long and hard on their bare tootsies.
Does he?
There's a close-up.
Yeah.
Oh god.
I don't know what they're doing, but as the sun sets, Roger... Is that her?
No, this limping man of Jake's attention here is seen writing on social media and everything fades out.
It's now the next morning at school.
Big lip.
That thing is... Crooked.
What the fuck?
This is Roger, and he's got a pistol in his hand.
I'm coming for you, Crowder.
Jeez, come on, man.
I like how calmly this teacher just walked out.
I think that's a coach.
Okay.
Where's the security guard?
Roger.
Come on.
This is engaging.
You're okay.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Yeah.
He didn't shoot anybody, man.
Roger didn't even shoot anybody except for himself.
Four bullets.
Three up.
Well, all four up, but yeah.
We should say this real quick.
Lots of serious themes in this film.
Okay.
Suicide, self-harm, depression, teen pregnancy, alcoholism.
They deal with all of it, huh?
They really do.
I mean, we're going to be goofing around, but most certainly aren't going to be goofing about that stuff.
So you can feel fine in continuing.
We're going to be goofing about teen pregnancy.
Sure.
I mean, if anything on this list, maybe that, but no.
Of that list.
Of course not.
I can see us goofing about alcoholism.
And there's a performance around that we'll be talking about a little bit later.
But I think very importantly, no jokes about self-harm.
Oh, of course, yeah.
And Roger, who we just saw die by suicide, I jumped off a little bit non-linear.
He's looking sad, remembering his friend who is now deceased, Roger Dawson, and they're flashing back during this moment.
So, what do you want to do today?
I figured it out this time.
Man, I've hit the gold mine.
What do you want to do today?
I figured it out this time.
Man, I've hit the gold mine.
We're going to be rich.
Am I going to get grounded again?
Jake, that's a risk I'm willing to take.
It's you getting grounded.
Yeah.
Hey!
Trick or treat!
Boys, it's the middle of July.
I love a treat.
You goofballs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're crazy, man.
Roger pushes him out of the way.
Ah, ah.
Of a truck.
He bonked his knee, huh?
Well, he didn't quite- Just his knee.
He didn't just bonk his knee.
So when they were kids- That dodged Durango.
Schmucked him.
Yeah.
Just a little clip on the knee, huh?
That's it.
Not quite.
Right in front of it.
So Roger pushes Jake out of the way from that car and this changes Roger's life forever.
He got hit and it left him disabled with a limp.
Sure.
Which in turn made him an outcast, I guess?
Yeah, I couldn't see that.
But also, what's the age difference do you think here?
Of those two actors?
Those young boys?
No, no, no.
I'm saying like from the time this happened to the time that he had the limp.
I bet he, this has got to be early middle school, right?
That they're trick-or-treating?
Yeah, and now they're in high school?
Yes, they are in high school.
I just don't see that being... I feel like his leg would have been repaired.
Well, no, this is permanent damage.
Are you a doctor?
It didn't look like permanent damage.
Well, yeah, the way that... I mean, this is... They didn't have money.
He hurt his leg.
He didn't hurt his back.
They shouldn't have shown... They should have turned his whole leg around.
Yeah.
But if they're not gonna have the budget to do that, they shouldn't have showed it.
They should have just played that clip of that kid who broke his leg and goes, I broke my fucking leg!
Yeah, the bike that crashed on MTV's Scarred, of course.
They even show the kid get hit.
What is this movie?
I don't know.
We're shown more flashback.
It's kind of that film cliche of like two old friends coming of age, growing apart.
You know, Jake makes the basketball team.
A cheerleader's interested in him.
He gets invited to the party.
And Roger doesn't get invited to the party.
Yeah, because they don't want anyone limping there.
They don't want a limping freak.
What the fuck is this story?
He's gonna be leaning on everything in the house and all my parents have here are vases.
Thousands of them.
We don't want Roger stumbling around.
Stumbling on the vases.
But so yeah, now we're all kind of caught up.
We're on the same page.
Roger has died by suicide.
They don't save him?
I thought the movie was that, I don't know, maybe they got him a new face or something.
Come on.
No.
It's called to save a life, isn't it?
Well, there's more lives than just his that may need saving.
Are you frustrated?
Two weeks later, news broadcasting, they've got added metal detectors, there's grief counselors, there's gossiping girls, a goth kid.
They added metal detectors?
Yeah.
That seems so Well, see, that's where the movie may be kind of political.
Sure, but in response to a suicide, it just feels so different.
You know, it's like, I could see it if it was, if he hurt other people and then himself.
Sure.
You know, it just, it feels a little bit odd.
It's just, it's, it's a weird response.
But I mean.
The movie's weird.
Yeah.
You're gonna have to, you're gonna have to.
I'll suspend my belief a little bit here.
Yeah.
Got a school paper.
Can we read, can we read that?
Yeah, actually, let's read the school paper.
Let's read the school paper, we're gonna see what it says.
So, the front page says, Senior Roger Dawson shocked student body by committing suicide.
Yep, here we go.
Last week, apparently without warning, Senior Roger Dawson walked into the school library and, nope, not library, and turned again on himself in the presence of several students.
Students in the library quickly responded to the situation by overturning tables and ducking behind them.
None of them did that.
They were in the hallway and no one did that.
Some students actually tried to approach Dawson and talked him out of his plan to take his own life, while others cowered in fear.
His friend did.
So, one guy.
Yeah.
While several students were terrified and traumatized by the act, Dawson did not harm anyone but himself.
Dawson knows a... Was known as being a loner and a quiet person.
I thought Dawson was a boring loser.
That's what I thought it said too.
I was like, whoa!
It was all blurred.
With a few friends, Dawson, was it vaguely mentioned?
Vaguely.
Thoughts of suicide?
On his face?
On his face?
Oh, Face Page.
Okay, so this is funny that they're saying this because they do not stick with that name for social media.
That's very funny.
However, it appears no one thought he may have been serious and people, this is crazy.
They kind of write out the whole plot of this movie, so we should probably stop there.
All right, cool.
Okay.
But also, it looks like they designed this with word art.
Yeah, that's sick word art up top.
Yeah, that's kind of fun.
Okay, here we go.
Jake picks up the paper.
Hold tight.
Oh shit, Stephen's here.
This is really important.
Stephen's here.
Just to ask, is this more like a feel for the mainstream media lies kind of narrative?
It definitely is.
This is a bend.
Also, can we just talk about this headline really fast?
It's so just like minimalizing what happened.
Not like, you know, the school remembers Roger Dawson.
Beast-like nerd kills himself in front of everybody.
Yeah, it's very much like, surprised he did it.
Yeah, huh?
Yeah, really?
And I don't want to get into the formatting of this paper, but it's very strange.
It's really bad.
What is this picture?
Centered?
Hmm.
Yeah, terrible.
Okay.
All of it's bad.
Here we go.
Back to the Big Ugly.
Yes, back to the Big Ugly.
Jake picks up the paper.
The Big Ugly's right behind him.
That kid's just lucky I wasn't there, man.
I was.
It wasn't like that.
Right.
Why are we still talking about this kid?
Okay, that little freak made us forfeit three games.
Shut up, man.
It was intense.
No, what's intense is the El Capitan full court press.
That's intense.
Yeah.
A real finger point.
Let's fucking roll out, dude.
Good point, dude.
Let's roll out.
Hey man, he's lucky that I wasn't there, because I would have beat the shit out of him myself.
What does that mean?
It's an odd line.
El Capitan is actually their rival school that they're playing basketball against.
Yeah, no, I get that.
I track with all that, but it's like, what does he mean he's lucky I wasn't there?
You would have fucking beat his ass, dude.
He would have fucking put the...
Harakata!
On his neck right there.
Get that gun out of his hand.
Yeah, he's lucky I would have arrested him.
I would have put him in freaking jail, dude.
This whole scene is just bizarre.
It's very weird.
It's unnecessary.
They just like spent a bunch of money creating a fake paper and they're like, we gotta use this.
We gotta use this.
But basically the whole scene is Steve is insensitive to the loss of Roger.
Yeah, but love sports.
Yeah, we love sports.
Hey, we go back to see him fold this fold the newspaper up I mean like it's not even a newspaper is it's just like a lump of paper.
Yeah, it's just a big lump of paper.
Yeah, so just scrolling through that Uh, the big ugly's got a cool track jacket.
He looks fucking sick.
And then they brawl out over that.
It's not even like Adidas, dude.
It's like, fake Adidas.
It's got four stripes.
They slap some skin, and uh, hell yeah brother to that.
Full court press, brother!
So, we got ourselves a sold-out last game of the season.
Of course we did, dude.
It's 67-68, down by one.
Twelve seconds left.
Doug misses, but Jake alley-oops, I think?
Does that count if it's on a rebound?
Yeah.
No, not on a rebound.
I think if the ball doesn't touch the ground, like if it's still up in the air, I think you can like... It's a technical alley-oop.
No, alley-oop is a pass to the dunk.
It's an intentional, but yeah, the big ugly misses.
Fuck, the big ugly misses the oop?
Jake does make it.
I'm thinking off the backboard or something.
He puts up a brick, it's no good.
No, he bricked it, you're right.
It was no good.
Everyone is stoked because they won and after the game, Jake meets this guy named Chris Vaughn, who is a youth pastor who spoke at Roger's funeral.
He kind of opens the film.
And says, quote, I know what you're going through if you ever want to talk, and hands him a card.
And the card says, dope ass game today, slam dunk.
No.
Dunk, swish, slam.
No, it's just a business card.
Okay.
Amy, his girlfriend, cheerleader girlfriend, walks up and is kind of dismissive of this youth pastor and suggests that it is party time.
I was literally just like, I kind of want to just watch this movie, and I looked, and it's two hours fucking long.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Yes!
The party has arrived!
Everybody, Jake Taylor's here!
Jake Taylor's totally here!
I love this guy.
His best friend is using his full name.
Everybody, um, to Jake.
So look what's up.
He's always had my back.
Jake Taylor!
He's got a tank top!
Oh.
Check that out, man.
Wizard Wars Holdings.
Yeah, so this flyer that the Big Ugly's holding says, wear your most magical costume and don't
forget your wand.
8 p.m.
101 Ocean View Way.
No date on it.
It might be at the top of this thing.
Tonight?
It says Saturday night.
Still no date.
Wizard Wars party.
Well, you gotta know, it's like, you're there, it's like Thursday, dude, and it's like, well, it's just Saturday night.
So he's gonna explain what this is all about.
Check that out, man.
Wizard Wars?
There's this nerd at school who plays this game.
I gave him this flyer and he swore he'd come.
He's gonna show up in Wizard Wars.
Here!
You're crazy, bro.
Let's go party!
I'm not clinically insane.
Sure, Steve.
Can I ask, is the way that you've clipped these, are you doing the fade-out or is the movie doing the fade-out?
I am doing the fade-out, just so you know.
I wish it was just fade.
Fade the black over and over.
Every scene is just a fade-out.
No, that's a Byron thing.
I'm so sorry.
It looks good, though.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
Yeah, this is the first time we've actually done video clips.
Yeah, we're not recording it either, so... Oh, not the video, of course.
But yeah, if you guys want to watch the show, you'll really appreciate it.
Maybe I'll upload the clips if anyone wants them.
I don't know.
Ye olde Wizard Wars prank!
You just make the Steven Crowder edit.
It's just the Steven Crowder cut, dude.
I'll do the Crowder cut.
I'll upload the Crowder cut.
The link will be in the description of this episode.
Excellent.
Write a review with the link.
Yeah, absolutely.
Such a cool, crazy prank.
Yeah, so the prank was they just invited a, like, a dorky kid to the party?
Yeah, and convinced him to wear his... we'll see, but... Oh, so they gave him... so it's the party they're at.
Yeah, the address is the party they're at.
And they just... they invited a dorky guy to come dressed as a wizard?
Yeah.
Because that would be funny?
Before we get there, we've got some dudes ooglin' ladies dancin'.
Dude, nice.
Nice, dude.
Is he a throw up?
You are a lucky man.
Get one of your own.
Hmm.
I don't know how to talk to women.
She's the one everyone wants.
She's the one everyone wants?
Yeah, so I guess this is the first little chunk of commentary that we can have though.
It's like, their attitude towards women is kind of fucked, right?
Get yourself one.
Get one.
Why don't you buy one?
Yeah, she's the one that everyone wants.
In general, it's always weird when someone's like, dude, you're a lucky man.
Yeah, it is weird.
Like, especially at like a wedding or something.
Yeah, and it happens all the time, man.
Like, I don't understand why you would tell somebody that.
Yeah, it's very, like, objectifying of women just in general.
Every time I go back to this genre that they're obviously trying to, I mean, it's odd because the themes are also heavy, but they're like gnashing together like a She's All That style film.
Early 2000s teen comedy drama.
With some really serious themes, but every time I return to those movies I realize just how kind of fucked up they were and how far we've come from them.
Of course, of course.
Yeah, no, it's crazy when you watch an older movie, not even that much older.
Yeah, like it could be 20 years.
20 years ago and it's very much like a different like vibe.
Yeah.
Oh wait guys, hold tight.
Someone's at the door and they've arrived fashionably late.
Oh Oh
Oh Oh
What? Are you serious?
Everybody, look! Check out this- Check out this fruitcake!
You saw it!
You call him a fruitcake?
He ain't call him a fruitcake.
Look at this!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
No, no, come on, come on.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you?
What's the problem?
It's not funny!
It's funny.
Come on, hit something.
It's funny.
Come on, dance with me.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you?
Okay, so, but that exact moment, right there, Crowder's body language, his entire, like, his command of the scene, right there.
He has not changed a fucking thing the entire time that he's been doing this bullshit for his show, these little acts.
That's exactly how he does it every single time.
He's even got the weird little, like, his body looks like a fishing hook.
It's got this weird curve to it, the way that he's standing.
That's him to a T. He hasn't changed a thing.
Whatever school he went to to learn this shit, fucking they ripped his ass off.
What role are you?
What's your kingdom?
That's what Stephen was shouting at him.
Okay.
Pretty cool.
So he just dressed better than everybody else there.
Yeah, that's what really surprised me is that his clothes didn't look that much different than what everyone else was wearing.
It was fine, and also he should have known better.
There had to be people outside, right?
You gotta know that this is not a wizard party, right?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, just a bunch of like pink pop collars.
And he came by himself?
When did this come out?
Uh, so it was filmed in... Guess, guess, real quick guess.
It's a great guess, yeah.
Ooh, 2003?
No.
No, no, no, I'm sorry.
Let me think.
That was a fake guess, I was just... It was not a real guess.
It was a fake guess.
I'm gonna say this was 2013, actually.
Mmm.
Overshot.
09.
Yeah.
09?
Okay, okay.
09 came out in 2010, but it feels like early 2004.
Oh, it definitely does.
Yeah, it definitely feels way earlier.
Jim Britz wrote this thing, and I think that it was a mistake that he did.
What else has he worked on?
Well, let's take a peek.
Star Wars?
It looks like this was the only thing that he wrote, and he also was the producer.
Great.
Great.
Who's the director?
Teach that!
Can't teach that.
That was Brian Baugh.
Brian Baugh.
What else has he worked on at least?
Oh, you all know Brian Baugh's work, right?
I do, actually.
I'm a huge fan of his work.
You're a Baugh-head.
Yeah, I'm a Baugh-boy.
You're one of the Baugh-men.
The Baugh-men, yeah.
B-A-U-G-H, though.
I mean, not much.
Finding You is his most popular film, and it came out in 2020.
It seems like this was his first film as a director.
In 2016, there's a film called I'm Not Ashamed, which is the true story of Rachel, Joyce Scott, the first student killed in the Columbine school shooting.
He loves schools and guns, man.
It seems like he's pretty fixated on that, but I'm sure that it does have a religious bent because he's a Christian.
He's a Christian director.
Sure.
And I think that must have been the Columbine story where, remember, there's always the story it's like, uh, renounce God and I'll save you or something was one of the shooters said.
I don't know that.
It was something like that.
So I'm sure a lot of people kind of mythologize that a little bit.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
So a few red solo cups later, Jake and Amy make their way upstairs after she asks him to dance with her after being mean to that kid.
It was funny.
Dance with me!
It was so cool when you bullied that fucking idiot kid that was dressed like a dumbass wizard.
Not when I'm drinking Jared, Jesus.
I couldn't drink my coke.
Alright, so they make their way upstairs.
Things get hot and heady.
Heady?
Whoops.
That's what I'm getting right now.
I got this lemon gelato pop.
I need to make sure that I've got the best commentary for Steve.
Yeah, boys, I just want to say this is actually nice.
I needed this this week.
This is good.
Heavy week.
I'm having a good time.
These guys have full-blown sex.
Do they?
Is it uncensored?
No, it's implied that they do.
Are we gonna see Steven?
Is the Big Ugly hanging out in the corner?
No, Big Ugly strikes out downstairs.
Have you guys seen this naked attraction show by the way?
I haven't, no.
I have and I would love to talk about it later.
Alright, so they fuck.
Yeah, yeah.
Police show up, Amy gets mad at Jake.
Isn't he the wizard guy called the police?
He fucking is.
I hope so.
I would have.
Kind of a narc, honestly.
Yeah, I would have done that.
Narc behavior.
Amy's mad that Jake's not taking this seriously, so she takes his keys and drunk drives away in his car.
Taking what seriously?
The fact that the police are downstairs.
Jake's like, oh, we should just have sex again.
And there's police downstairs?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it seems like this guy's definitely been at a house party before.
Because Jake, a few seconds later, puts on his shirt and steps outside and looks over the balcony and someone's actively being arrested in the house.
So I'm like, how did Amy, how did she make her way to her car to drive drunk home?
Okay, whatever.
Whatever.
Jake crawls out the window, jumps off the roof.
It's not very dramatic at all.
Have you been to a party where he got busted?
Maybe?
I did once, and I just like casually just walked away.
So maybe that's what happened here, but why was someone else getting arrested actively?
It just felt kinda inconsistent.
Well, it's probably the wizard, because he's a fucking dork.
I know, he's the fashion police.
That's actually why they showed up, they're like, we have fucking dorks here, come get him.
He sneaks off, jumps off the roof, but Amy has taken his truck.
Fuck, dude.
He calls Doug, Doug doesn't pick up.
The big ugly.
He's left with no one to call on his flip phone.
But a man who gave him his card earlier in the day, youth pastor Chris Vaughn.
Is that the guy from Hillsong?
It does have Hillsong energy just without megachurch involved.
It's a small operation.
Chris leaves his wife and kid.
They're watching a movie on the couch and it was a rom-com and Chris says to his wife, I hate rom-coms, and she's like, are you crying?
You were a girly man, which is really cool.
That was really cool.
Chris picks up Jake, and during the drive he reveals that Roger had actually come to the church the Sunday before he died.
But Chris was preoccupied talking to other Christian youths, so he ends up inviting Jake to Sunday service the next morning.
Bright and early, we're introduced to Jake's mom and his shitty, quote, busy-at-the-office dad.
Instead of being proud for Jake making that buzzer beater to win the game the night before, he says that he shouldn't hurt himself being the last second hero saying that if he hurts himself he won't get this scholarship to a college that he received.
God knows he's not smart enough to get into a college.
Yeah, he's a fucking dork-ass loser.
No, this is Jake, the captain.
Oh, not the wizard?
No, no one's talking about the wizarding.
I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
The wizard doesn't even come up for a little bit.
I'm just joking.
I just wouldn't want to confuse people.
I'm putting together the puzzle pieces here, and I think I know where the wizard's arc's going.
If not, you know, getting planted a kiss on his beardless face.
Exactly.
At the prom.
Okay, so his dad is just like, hey man, you need to be better than last minute good.
Yeah, but mostly just being like, I don't give a shit that you did something good.
Just kind of dismissive.
Totally.
Yeah, I got you.
So Jake says, oh, yeah.
Well, I'm going to church.
That'll show him.
And he, you know, he kind of launches into this introspective journey.
His girlfriend isn't thrilled as her dad left her family after he started going to church.
Okay.
And he chose church.
And one Sunday she goes with him but leaves early because she felt judged and she says you choose church
Or you choose me and he chose church. Well kind of so he reaches out to Johnny the wizard
Okay, also a group of loner dirtbags that's hang out outside the school dealing with their own problems. Of
course Yeah, yeah, yeah.
One of them smoking weed and being kind of emo.
Weed cigarettes?
Or weed, like... Tell me how.
How was he smoking weed?
Was it an apple?
Was he using an apple?
No, joint cigarette of weed.
I already like him.
One joint of weed.
This guy's name is Danny and he's the pastor's son.
Oh shit, really?
Yeah.
What a controversy.
That's a reveal.
Johnny got any tattoos?
Uh, not that I saw, no.
Hmm.
Got a lip ring?
I don't think he does.
He's got a nipple ring?
Nah, I mean it could be under the shirt.
Could be, alright.
Outside the shirt, he peeps into a shirt.
They mostly signify outsider characters by swoopy haircuts.
Okay, sure.
Because you know I will be in it!
Yeah, it's kind of that energy.
So through these new friendships, Jake's worldview begins to shift and he starts to see the pain and struggles of those around him.
Yeah, that's fair.
He doesn't care so much about being cool and getting laid, being a beer pong champion.
Yeah.
He starts caring about- So this is basically that Christmas Carol.
Well, I mean- This is the ghost of Christmas weed.
Yeah, but Scrooge was not doing so hot.
This guy was the coolest kid.
That's true.
He was very cool.
Uh, at school though, Andrea from church asked Jake how he really feels.
Tell me, Jake.
Tell me how you really feel, Jake.
She ends up inviting him to Tuesday Youth Group and he's like, there's church on Tuesday?
Extra church!
Yeah, and she also introduces him to her godly gal pals, but from behind comes... Oh, I'm sorry, uh... Natalie, Carla, this is Jake.
How's it going?
There's Amy and the big ugly.
Chinless wonder, oh my god.
Jake, what's, uh...
Now you got three?
What's going on man?
Doug, Andrea, Natalie, and...
Carla.
Carla.
Now you got three?
Am I missing something?
Actually, Jake and I were just talking about...
Sociology.
Oh, he's embarrassed.
All right, whatever man, let's get out of here.
Don't talk to these women.
What are you doing with those girls?
What are you doing with those girls?
Damn!
Yeah, what's going on here?
What were you doing, man?
Were you talking about God?
I mean, I think he pretty well covered himself by saying sociology, but... Do you think he knows?
Do you think the Big Ugly knows at this point?
At this point, no.
He's dense as hell.
What's he doing with Amy?
You better be being chest in there.
Amy, I mean, he's part of the core three there.
Yeah, were they hanging out or were they, like, hanging out?
Who knows, honestly, where that's gonna go.
But the three folks, Andrea and the church friends, all alter, but barely, right?
Like, one had just like a tiny little streak of pink, one was full pink, but yeah.
Yeah.
Embarrassing.
Honestly, very embarrassing.
Talking to those ladies?
Yeah, gosh.
Wait, I forget a second that Crowder is, he's into God in this movie, right?
No.
No he's not.
He's not into God?
But those like alt girls are into God?
They're into God.
Yeah this is like the classic punk rock church.
This is cool dude.
Come as you are.
So Jake starts googling about teen suicide and then returns to school after embarrassing himself.
Wait a minute.
That's the next thing he does?
Yeah.
Hey man, let's go.
Is God punk rock?
God is so punk rock, dude.
Jesus Christ is punk rock.
The Holy Ghost is of course sick and cool and punk rock.
Jake should be embarrassed for talking to those uncool girls.
He should, yeah, of course.
What up?
I forgive you.
That's a nice way to be forgiven.
I called you yesterday.
Yeah, my cell phone's broken.
Oh, yes.
See, now that's what I'm talking about.
I agree.
Jake, dude, biggest party of the year, Friday night.
Yes, beer pong championships, man.
And you are the man.
You got the belt.
Yeah, I don't think I can make it.
Right.
Whatever.
Jake Taylor never misses a party.
We'll see you there?
Yeah, we'll be there.
Can we just pretend the last couple days never happened?
He's acting so weird.
Jake.
He's so weird, man.
Jake, why are you being so weird?
You're being so distant.
Well, we all know Jake Taylor.
No, like it's like kind of like weirding me out, Jake.
Like you've been being like kind of distant.
Like, I'll be honest.
And like, we've all been kind of noticing it too.
And so we're just like, what's up with that, Jake?
Jake Taylor never misses a party.
He never does.
Never.
Especially when he's the beer pong title holder.
He has the belt.
He's got the belt.
No, and you know what?
I got another thing to say, Jake.
You know, like, You know, last time I invited you over to my house, you kind of, like, didn't even really give me an answer, dude.
Like, what's going on?
We were, like, such good friends.
Is this person getting aggressively drunk?
And then after Rudy died...
Is that his name?
Your friend Rudy?
Roger.
Yeah.
Whatever, dude.
Whenever he died, you've been acting real different since then, Jake.
And I just like... We have all been talking.
The friend that we haven't really talked about, played by RJ Smith.
A-R-J-A-Y Smith.
His name is Matt.
Matt.
Okay.
Yeah, he's a pretty well-known actor.
He's Ken in Malcolm in the Middle.
I was gonna say it's the Barbie movie.
Played by Ryan Gosling.
He was in Sons of Anarchy for five episodes, but he's done some work, so I'm surprised to see him in here.
Who's Ken in Malcolm?
I don't know, why don't you take a peek?
I can't see the picture.
Oh, yeah, he was maybe with the brother, right?
The older brother at the military school or something.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah, he was part of that arc.
Life is unfair.
Oh man.
I'm just surprised to see him in this in this flick here, but you know guys... Does Jake Taylor go to the party?
Party boys party.
Taylor!
Yes!
In tuxedo shirt.
That's so cool.
What are you doing right now?
Direct answer.
Beer pong!
That's the only answer.
The audio, this is not great, huh?
Uh, the mixing of that?
No.
That's terrible.
And then they use that, that canned applause?
I don't know, yeah.
Or that canned cheering?
Oh dude, there's a huge group.
Huge group of folks at this party.
Yeah, they're huge.
And they all can hear exactly when he announces something that's cheerworthy.
Uh, and everyone head to the garage, of course.
Yeah.
In your best tuxedo shirt.
The moment we've all been waiting for has now arrived.
It's time for the clash of the titans.
Wow.
All right, you guys.
That's enough.
The moment we've all been waiting for has now arrived.
It's time for the clash of the titans.
It's going to be a fair fight.
Both know the rules.
All right.
Let's play beer pong.
1,000 people in that room.
There were so many cuts in that.
Oh, it was quick.
Yeah, so many cuts.
70 folks kind of cheering him on and honestly, he is killing it.
Did he win?
Well, he was going to but Jake can't do it anymore.
What are you doing?
Pick that up, we're gonna go.
I'm gonna have to drink all these beers by myself.
He dropped the ball in a cup.
His own cup.
What gives, man?
You were killing that guy.
I'm sorry, man.
I just, I can't do this anymore.
What do you mean you can't do it?
What's wrong with you?
I'm done with this.
We're done with this.
What the hell, Jake?
You're a Christian.
Disgusting.
What I like is that, in reality, if somebody said, I'm done with this, most people would be like, what?
What do you mean this?
What are you talking about?
What's going on?
Are you okay?
We're just hanging out.
Are you good, man?
Do you think this is something more?
What do you think this is?
It's very odd.
Are we not friends anymore?
I'm done with this.
I'm done with this.
I know you missed the party and now you're taking the party home with you.
You're a Christian now.
Kind of weird peer pressure to keep drinking.
He's not a Christian.
No, I just... He's just trying it out.
Is that what he says?
Yeah.
Oh God.
I just took a couple hits, Dad.
Folks, we got a lot of yada yada time.
So Jake's youth group and church participation continues and intensifies.
He becomes more empathetic, of course, after googling a bunch about teen suicide.
Did he take a purity ring or anything like that?
No, nothing like that.
He does quit having sex with Amy, but mostly because she makes him choose.
They weren't having sex before, that was implied.
It usually doesn't happen to me, Amy.
He Googles, but he also, he does a little bit of late night lurking of Roger's rspace.net profile.
Okay, cool, yeah, rspace.net.
Which is a friendly place.
That's the motto.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
The face page, right?
And Roger's bio reads, I feel so alone like I'm the only person in the world who feels this way and it doesn't even matter.
It's not important, maybe because I'm not important.
Okay.
And what does Jake have to say about this?
Well, it's a little too late to have anything to say about that.
But he starts taking action.
If only I would have known.
He's an anti-bullying advocate at the school and this initiates like kind of a support group of misfit students.
They start getting together, doing big circles and laughing and stuff like that.
I love big laughing circles.
It provides him with a sense of belonging and them as well.
That's good.
That's great.
No notes.
The most misfit of them all.
He's quiet.
He sits alone by himself.
He's got the darkest hair, the darkest hoodie, and the swoopiest hair.
Is this Johnny?
It is Johnny.
Nice.
Yeah, he's doodling broken hearts and bloody things in a notebook at lunch.
You're looking at me?
Yeah, is this you?
I did used to do that quite a bit.
But this, this...
You know, this everything that Jake's doing continues to not sit well with his popular friends, especially Doug, who dangerously refuses to spot Jake while they're lifting.
I mean, he's got God to lift for him.
Come on!
What the hell?
Oh, are you allowed to say hell, Jake?
What's your deal, man?
I'm just trying to work out.
You sure you got time to work out?
You don't have to get some secret Christian club meeting or something?
What do you care, Doug?
Ever since you've gotten religious, you don't have any time for your friends, man.
I've invited you to lunch with us every day.
Okay, us.
You see what you're doing?
Us.
Jake, you and I have been best friends since sixth grade soccer.
Okay?
And it's always been about you.
Right?
Jake, the MVP.
Jake, the prom king.
You know it's true.
Hey, guess who's banging Amy tonight, buddy?
She's using you, man.
She would never do that.
She's too good for you.
you. Thanks. Keep walking Taylor. That was kind of an interesting little clip. What?
I think what's funny about this particular scene is that he really quickly pivots from Jake being interested in his new friends to Jake being like an egocentric person.
Yeah, he's holier than thou.
Yeah, but then it turned into like a... I'm gonna let you die underneath this, the 800 pounds that you're holding.
That was kind of odd.
Yeah.
It really quickly transitioned to like, hey, you don't have time for me, and I'm jealous of all of your successes you've had that I didn't get.
I also think this might be the best performance by Steven in this movie, mostly because he's playing his organically jealous character here.
True.
So Jake is played by Randy Wayne.
Randy Wayne, yeah dude.
Who seems to be a fairly successful actor.
His most prominent role was as Luke Duke in the Dukes of Hazzard, The Beginning.
Okay.
So it's a prequel of The Rebirth.
Never seen that, yeah.
Yeah, I've not seen it either.
Also, in a couple direct-to-VOD slash DVD horror films, Grizzly Park, something called The Haunting of Molly Hartley, played opposite of Matthew Modine in the 2010 film The Trial for 20th Century Fox.
But down here in personal life, it says Wayne confirmed via his Twitter account that he voted for Donald Trump in the 2020 election.
Okay, good, good.
Kind of interesting here.
Let's see what he said exactly.
Hmm, this page doesn't exist.
Oh, whoops!
Deleted his Twitter.
Or, got his Twitter deleted.
Mmm, probably that.
Who knows?
Yeah, probably that.
Either way.
Can we start calling him the Huge Handsome, by the way?
The Huge Handsome versus the Big Ugly?
Well, he's kind of small, this Jake guy.
What should we call him?
The little... The tiny...
Alright, so Jake finally convinces the most goth kid to join their circle, Johnny.
The Lil Looker?
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
Welcome to Existence is belted out.
They somehow got the rights to Dare You to Move by Switchfoot for this?
That's easy.
Tooth and nail, dude.
I don't think they're tooth and nail.
I think they're mainstream at that point.
They were Christian, for sure.
They are most certainly Christian.
Start way too low.
That's right.
Yeah, but other artists on the soundtrack, which does, it is fully Christian.
Really?
That's why this was surprising to me.
Sure.
Flynn Adams, Bobby Taylor, The Daylights, We have Joy Williams, Paul Wright.
I really like the first song we heard that was like the Bounce Me Bounce like a Christian.
They're all kind of like that.
It's a pretty decent soundtrack.
I mean it feels like an alt universe.
It feels like the split generation where all music is Christian and most of it's not.
Yeah.
Or most of it is.
Switchfoot is on, uh, that song is off of a label called Rethink.
It was an imprint label under Universal Music Group.
Sure.
And Rethink is Christian?
Is that?
Oh yeah.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
Rethink were marketed primarily to the Christian music scene, but also as a Christian, I've got a lot of say just about life in general.
The fucking John Foreman said from Switchfoot or something like that.
Uh, Jared, do you remember the band Super Chick?
Yeah, I do.
Not well, but I definitely remember that name.
They're like the Christian No Doubt.
Yeah, okay, sure, sure, sure.
Yeah, they're also in this soundtrack, so.
Lots of bangers.
Interesting, the song's called Hero, but it's the Red Pill mix.
What?
Yeah, it's kind of interesting.
Yeah, that's what it says here in the soundtrack.
Okay.
All right.
What was that last one called?
It was called Re-something?
What did I say?
Okay, Rethink the Record Label.
And so then we go to Super Chick and we found out that they're called INPOP.
INPOP's stated goal is to discover the best artists around the world that understand the grace of the gospel of Jesus Christ and who have also have something new and unique to offer the world of Christian music.
Yeah, and I do want to say, I don't know if we need to necessarily target Christianity as something here.
No, no, no.
They're just going ham on it.
They are.
They're putting praise music here.
As this is a faith-based movie, I do think that the way that they handle those themes is kind of inappropriate.
So it has nothing to do with the belief in Jesus Christ, which I do not share, but the way they handle a couple of things in this movie I think is negative and bad.
Yep.
Destructive.
Of course.
Go back to Dare You To Move.
Run it through your head.
Welcome to existence.
Like that?
Yeah.
A montage of new friends, kindness, and gifting of treats.
Jake getting baptized in slow motion in the ocean waves.
Amazing.
Imagine it.
But then things take a turn.
We're introduced to Jake's father a little bit more.
Okay, the shitty guy who said he wasn't good at alley-oops.
Well yeah, so Jake goes home, his mother and father are arguing, and he overhears the dad saying that he has to go to a business meeting, and she's like, it's 9pm!
It's at a damn strip club, wife!
Basically the implication is that he's cheating, and um, you know.
Is he?
Do we ever find out?
We do, but the relationship between Jake and his dad kind of continues to decline.
He leaves, at some point goes to visit Roger's mother, and they have a nice little heart-to-heart.
She gives him some pictures of Roger, and he takes them and scans them with a scanner.
Cool, yep.
And uploads them to a blog on an r... r.me slash space.
Yeah, rspace.net, of course.
And his blog is offering to help anyone who's lonely.
What's the blog called?
I don't remember, but our second act is wrapping up, but ends on a sour note as Amy, who is now dating Doug, reveals to Jake that not only did she miss him at the party, but she's now pregnant and she's chosen to not keep it.
Oh, real heavy, geez.
Yeah, and then he goes- Pregnant with him, Piscate?
Huh?
Pregnant with?
Yeah, she said that she didn't have sex with Doug.
Okay, not yet.
Not yet.
Big ugly doing the big nasty.
Yeah, so he goes back into his house and his dad is drinking alcohol.
His mom leaves crying and dad says that they're getting divorced.
Okay.
And mom is going to Aunt Judy's.
Although Steve isn't in this scene, I thought that I should pull this clip just to kind of like show y'all the quality of this film.
Okay.
What did you do to Mom?
She's pretty mad, huh?
No, what did you do?
Jake, your mother caught me with another woman.
She what?
She wants me to leave.
What is wrong with you?
It's a two-way street, you know.
It's not just me.
But it's over. We decided to end it a long time ago. I tried to tell her but...
You are unbelievable, you know that?
I'm done with you.
What does that mean, Jake?
I don't know.
So much in this scene blew my fucking head wide open.
Wow.
We decided it was over a long time ago, and then he said he just told her in the same sentence.
She left, but he says that she wants me to leave.
Yeah, she left, but she wants him to leave because he just told her about what happened a long time ago.
Because he's sitting at his big L-shaped desk in this, like, the biggest just millionaire chair.
With green, yellow, and red file folders.
Yep.
Beautiful.
Honestly, set design.
But they belong on the ground.
Oh my god.
So I'm glad Jake shoved those things on the ground.
You're pissing me off, Dad!
I'm done with you!
What?
You live in my house!
I'm done with you, Dad!
Your mom wants me to leave.
It's a two-way street, you know.
Which is what?
Was the mom cheating too?
There was really no signs that the mom was cheating.
It's a two-way street.
I cheated on her because she was kind.
When he said that I was like, with the lady you were cheating on with?
What?
Yeah, it was confusing.
And it was a rough night for Jake.
The next day at school, having hit his all-time low, he refuses to help our emo king, who is now wearing a yellow polo shirt.
Johnny?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Johnny, why did you give in, dude?
Well, he had a bit of a relationship blunder and Jake was trying to give him advice on how to ask this girl out.
The date didn't go well.
His ex-girlfriend?
No, this is a different girl.
A sweetheart.
She said no?
You know, having given him advice and now this guy's desperate to try.
No, it worked out.
They just had a rough date.
Oh.
But now Jake's refusing to help him repair this relationship.
Yep.
Jake pays a visit to Chris to get some advice about Amy's situation and eventually after some counseling he leaves, calls Amy, meets her at a family health clinic and convinces her to keep the baby and says that he will stay home from the dream college that he had, you know, got accepted into.
Okay.
To stay with her and to raise the kid.
Sure.
And later that night, Jake tries to smooth things out with his emo buddy Johnny.
But after the pastor's son, Dirtbag Danny, says to Black Hairswoop, he was only friends because Jake asked him to, Hairswoop ignores the phone call and self-harms in the dark.
It's kind of a really exploitative scene.
Wait, is the self-harm kid, that's Hairswoop, that's the wizard?
Yeah, the wizard.
That's the wizard.
I fucking knew it.
I fucking knew the wizard was really good.
I knew you did, from the way you were saying that.
And does he use his little wand, or what?
I'm sorry, we weren't going to do that.
I'm sorry, that's my one.
That's my one.
No, it was a pretty grotesque, classic razor blade scene.
I don't know, not handled terribly well.
What would be the Harry Potter razor patronum?
You got one.
We're done.
Okay, well I got two in there, okay, and it wasn't a very good one.
Yeah.
I don't know anything about Harry Potter because it's satanic, it goes against God, and I am one of these punk rock alternative people.
Bless you, you're a Jesus.
Jesus was a punk rock.
Very cool.
Jesus was a punk rocker?
Is that a Ramones song?
Jesus is a punk rocker!
Jesus is a punk rocker!
Alright, so there's another morning at school.
So many days, so many mornings.
The big ugly.
Rears his ugly head.
Yeah, kind of.
We got another clip.
Dirtbag Danny overheard Jake and Pastor Chris talking about Amy's pregnancy because Danny is the pastor's son.
Yep.
Okay, so we'll just make sure I understand.
So Johnny was told by Danny that I was only friends with you because Jake told me to be your friend.
And then Danny heard, overheard Jake and Chris talking about Amy's pregnancy.
Yeah.
And does he spill the beans to the big ugly?
No, no, he does something else.
Oh no.
Busted out his markers and the next day there's photocopies of a cartoon taped all over the lockers and cork boards.
It's a crude drawing of a guy with a halo and underneath it it says Father Jake and there's a cheerleader holding the big belly and it says Amy the Ho-mm-coming Queen?
So, H-O... Homecoming Queen?
Yeah, H-O dash M-E, Coming Queen.
So, like, it doesn't really... It's to play on the locale?
It's a visual thing, yeah.
But, you know.
Okay.
Yeah.
I drew this myself.
Is it true?
You are such a slut.
Really.
What's going on?
You okay?
Where'd you get that?
Tell me, Jake.
It's not like that.
I always knew she was a slut.
Don't you call her a slut.
Crowder just eats it.
Call her what, Jake?
That's what she is, man.
She's a slut.
And you, you got your little, your Jesus lunch group, doing everything you want them to.
And you're the biggest faker of them all, man.
And nobody, nobody is fooled.
You're not worth it.
I think when he called her a slut, was probably the most like authentic delivery of anything I've ever heard in this film.
It actually felt like he was holding back.
Like he wanted to go deeper.
Yeah, that last scene was a little bit more like, We've heard how he talks now and, you know, this is somebody who was raised on South Park and just makes a meal out of that kind of thing every time he talks about it as like a 36 year old man.
I'm sure back then it was like a little bit more, you know, loose cannon, less refined, you know?
This scene is interesting to me because it's completely illogical anger.
I mean, he's kind of been emotional the whole time.
Did he just find out that she had sex before?
These people had sex?! !
Yeah, this person, Amy, was his girlfriend for seemingly a period of time.
A period of time?
A couple of days?
Did he not know that they were having sex before?
You would think, right?
He's the kind of guy who'd be like, hell yeah, dude, getting it in.
Well, yeah, yeah.
I want one of those.
Yeah, I want one of those.
I want a cocky bite of my own.
Bizarre.
Is he saying that, like, getting pregnant is more promiscuous or something?
I don't, yeah, I think he's, I think this is purely an emotional scene.
I don't think the character really, he's just hurt.
I don't, I don't think he's being logical in his pain.
Why would you be hurt at all?
I think he's embarrassed because Amy's his girlfriend now and now there's these flyers around showing her and Jake having not only had sex but now she's pregnant.
So.
With the Halo baby.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I think that maybe that's it, but it doesn't mean that it makes sense, like... I mean, it doesn't at all.
No.
It definitely doesn't make sense.
Speaking of not making sense, boys... The David Byrne movie.
I'm glad you're... Coming back to theaters.
I'm glad you're sitting down, because this thing's gonna get really fucking weird.
Okay.
Strapping.
Cool.
Moments later, the school is evacuated... Oh shit.
...due to a bomb threat.
Oh boy.
Wait, okay, Johnny?
Oh my God!
These teachers are freaking out.
No, this is rude.
I think it's serious.
Is that a young Oliver Anthony?
Nobody leaves until we know what's going on.
Security has us shut in for the end.
Alright everybody, listen up.
This is not a drill.
This is real.
We've got a bomb threat here today.
The police are inside searching the building.
You're staying here until I say otherwise.
Anyone who tries to leave will be expelled.
This is no joke.
Especially at this school.
Now, if anyone has information that might be helpful, you need to tell me.
This has got to be where they're about to introduce Bane into the storyline.
Oh, hello everyone.
I've planted a bomb inside the gymnasium.
I mean, do I need to point out how weird the security guard is acting?
It's very weird.
Yeah, he's acting like he's about to be like, just kidding, Bane's here.
Hello, I'm from the shuttle.
To say no one is leaving the school that could have a bomb?
Everyone stand closer to the door so they're about to blow off the hinges.
I don't know.
Yeah, it's messy, it's weird.
Eventually, though, Dirtbag Danny does step forward and he informs the police of his suspicion that that emo kid, the goth kid, our good friend Johnny, might be involved.
Subsequently, there's a search of Swoop's hair's locker.
Okay.
They ask for his phone and he doesn't have it and they find that suspicious.
You guys know that old like wizard phrase though.
What is it?
What is that?
You can't be hesitant about throwing around those murder spells or else a murder spell might get thrown around on you.
I wish they found a bunch of spells in his locker.
That would have ruled.
Shit, that's a mistake.
They should have done that.
Write that into the script.
What would a spell be?
Would it be like a single phrase?
Well, you've obviously never played Dungeons & Dragons.
No, I've never.
3.5, of course.
Okay.
Danny took his phone and the cops find it suspicious.
So what do they do?
They arrest him?
Well, yeah, they handcuffed him and they guide him through the entire student body.
Super embarrassing.
However, there's a crucial revelation that occurs.
Jake knows what's going on.
He dials Johnny's phone and Danny answers it.
What?
Busted.
Busted.
What kind of cell phone they got?
Flip.
Flip.
Definitely flip phone.
Flip or an LG Chocolate.
Cool.
Yeah, so Amy diverts attention by pretending that her pregnancy is going wrong.
Okay, good, good, that makes sense.
And the teacher's guarding the exit, step forward, allowing Jake to make a break for it and he runs in front of the police car.
Good, always a good move.
Stops them.
What happens to his knee?
He gets a little scuff on it?
That's another great thing that you could have written into it is he sacrifices himself eventually.
That would have been a great full circle arc.
Now he's got the bum knee.
No, he stops the police car which saves the life of Johnny because Johnny, the guy who was self-harming earlier, He, uh, had a bottle of pills in his pocket and he was planning on overdosing because he was, I don't know, embarrassed and arrested, I suppose?
Okay.
Doesn't really make sense.
Was Danny just, like, lusting to be a bully?
Like, why, why, why- I think he was jealous of the attention his father was showing other people.
Or, from what I saw, there's no real reason.
Just kind of like a senseless bad shithead kind of character.
Yep.
Saves Johnny Danny gets in trouble.
Yeah, but it leads to this whole big thing Jake's life is looking up his Eventually his daughter is placed up for adoption and he and Amy get back together And then he goes to college in Louisville.
He's got all his friends and family seeing him off It's really nice seeing his father comes along with the journey and they like reconnect as well and Okay.
With his new mistress?
She wasn't there.
At least not that I saw.
Okay.
But then Johnny hands Jake a note to read during the trip confessing that he too once felt like Roger and contemplated taking his life.
It was Jake and his guidance that turned around him.
Okay.
The general theme of the show Yeah.
Is not that God did anything?
No, not really.
But just that... don't be a dick?
I guess the idea of God... Made him stop bullying?
Turned Jake into an anti-bullying advocate, and now he gets to feel good about all the choices he made in his life.
It's like redemption.
He's a hero.
He is a hero.
He's not a villain.
The focus is on him, not all the other people are actually struggling.
Like the man who took his life at the beginning, the person who's struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation, who, you know, is now turned around because of the guidance of Jake.
Like, who fucking cares about those guys?
This is all about Jake.
Yeah, Jake saved the life.
Jake found the Lord and he saved somebody's life.
I mean, the film is called To Save a Life.
I mean, this is Jake's, this is Jake's story.
This is what it was like for him to save a life.
Either way, folks, that's the movie.
Uh, I think this movie, I give it probably like a one out of seven.
Yeah.
Seven for the seven deadly sins.
Seven deadly sins.
Of course.
This one has pride.
Perfect.
Um, but no, this is just like a... It's a very bad movie from what I've seen of it.
It's written like shit, man.
Yeah, it sounds like there's not an antagonist, other than like bullying?
Sadness.
Sadness is the antagonist?
Yeah, lack of meaning.
Yeah, um... Directionlessness.
Not having fun at the party.
Yeah, beer is the antagonist.
Most of these movies have like this turning point where someone like realizes, you know, like, oh, this moment changed my life.
I think it was Roger's death that was the catalyst of Jake wanting to change, or at least questioning the direction of his life.
Yeah, but that's just such an early catalyst.
Yeah, I agree.
Like, it wasn't like he later on saw something that changed his mind.
I mean, kind of the bullying of the kid.
Kind of the act structure.
When the wizard guy showed up.
It was just very poorly ordered, it seems.
Yeah, with no real direction.
But the Big Ugly definitely deserves awards for his acting.
Two hours long.
I honestly can't get over that.
It's a full two hours.
You've seen this three goddamn times, Byron.
You've watched it three times, it's six hours.
That's about all I can handle.
If you disagree with us, feel free to convince me otherwise or watch it for yourself.
Definitely watch it for yourself on YouTube.
I honestly can't wait to get back to this week in Biden after this bullshit.
Listen, I thought this was going to be fun.
Unfortunately, it was not.
No, no, no.
We had a blast.
I had fun with you boys.
We took a bit of a mental... I'm glad that we could learn who the Big Ugly was.
Yeah, and now we get to call him the Big Ugly.
It's still him.
Yeah.
It was always him.
When there was one set of footprints, the big ugly was carrying me.
And he could, he's strong and tall.
He could, he could.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's a big, he's, he definitely bulked up.
I mean, like he's, you know, his, uh, his face has like a lot more mass to it than it does there.
You know, in this movie, he looks like a child in this movie.
Yeah.
He looks like a child for sure and he was definitely... I don't even say, this is not even really a movie.
It's just because it has length doesn't mean that it's... This is a terrible thing that we just saw.
Stephen has acted in other films.
Most of them have less of a role than this.
Okay.
In one, he's the lead.
Him and his brother, Jordan.
Oh yeah, it's like dad made it or brother made it or something.
Yeah, his brother wrote it.
Him and Stephen starred in it and his dad, Pops Crowder, funded it.
Of course.
So this is just like a home movie?
Well, it's very much of the Sundance early 2000s style.
It's very guerrilla.
It's very handheld.
It's very digital video.
Maybe we watch one, but we watch the whole thing together just so we can kind of like follow this thing out.
Because I don't think that I could do it the same way considering, well, you know, we could break it up by the funniest sections of it, but Steve is in most of it, so.
That could be one of our first Patreon things, like a Riff Trax of movies.
Well actually, speaking of that, we're gonna record a little Patreon bonus regarding an interview the cast and crew did following the release of this film.
Oh shit!
Right now!
And hopefully that'll be available on Patreon really soon.
I'm sure we'll make an announcement of it.
We'll figure that out, yeah.
If you want to know when that happens, you could follow us on X or Twitter at thancrowder or go to louderwithcrowder.net.
But for now, this episode's ending.
Next week we'll be back.
God, we're gonna have to talk about Israel would be my guess.
I don't think they're gonna... I think there'll be another world-changing event before then.
You mean some gay or trans person will do something?
Yeah, yeah.
I think that a gay person will ask for equal rights and then he'll be back to yell about it.
What?!
We could go back to the Manosphere or potentially the Hodge Twins episode came out, right?
Yeah.
But nowhere to be found.
Yeah, the Hodge Twins launched their show.
We'll see how that went.
We'll be back next week for sure.
But until next time, I'm Forward Jared.
And Dennis.
I'm Tate.
I'm Byron.
Take care.
You've been listening to an AudioWall original, produced by Byron McCoy.
