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April 28, 2025 - Lionel Nation
29:01
Lionel Nation Times Square Walking Tour
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Guess who's with me?
Ta-da!
I want to share this with you because it is absolute pandemonium.
Ladies and gentlemen, can you see...
Oh, my screen is dirty.
Hang on a minute.
Just a minute.
There we go.
A little bit better.
Check it out, sports fans.
The crossroads of the world.
Now hang on this again.
Just pull over.
Look behind me.
I don't want to give a little bit of a...
This is one side towards the park.
Check this out.
Other way.
A little trigger warning.
Hang on, honey.
I'm trying to get this.
Don't see a look of it.
And that's the other way.
The ball is down there.
I can't get out of here.
Look at this, the mash of people.
Can you see this?
Now I'm turning around.
There she is again.
The cacophony, the humanity, ladies and gentlemen.
You keep bumping into me.
Look at this.
Insanity.
Look at this.
See these women here?
I don't know where they're from, but they sell these churros and things.
These are the items they run out and get.
Look at the churros and the...
They are addicted.
Buenas!
Buenas!
Look how beautiful this is, eh?
I can't vouch for this.
Look at this.
The din of degenerates.
Can you feel the excitement?
There's halal.
Halal, darling.
This is the tickets booth.
Are you having fun?
To be honest, we are having fun.
Mrs. Ells and I just left a political club.
I can't tell you what it is, but I move on.
Over here, let's walk here.
Let's show them this.
These are the poor schmucks who come here and they'll wait hours to get a couple of bucks off of a theater ticket.
I shouldn't say that.
It's pretty good.
Can you feel this, my friends?
Now we get into the dark.
Oh, we're crossing.
We're crossing.
This is a woman holding up her camera.
Let me get you one camera.
There she is.
Look at this.
Now, can you dig this?
Down there, straight ahead.
This is where the ball is.
Straight ahead.
You know when your balls drop?
My balls drop every year on New Year's Eve.
Check this out.
Imagine going through a seizure.
Pedicab.
The bane of my existence.
Hellfire missile, I would say.
Look at these people right here.
Are people supposed to go to school?
School?
I don't know school here.
She's on to it.
So tomorrow, I bet I'm like, what's going on here?
Thanks.
This one was working on with a number nine or a number six.
I don't know what this is.
I don't know what that denotes.
Yes, George M. Cohan, ladies and gentlemen.
Look at these goddamn people walking around with their cameras, talking to their cameras.
Oh, sorry.
Huh?
Are you having fun?
Breakdancing, breakdancing.
Oh, oh, oh, breakdancing.
Wait a minute.
Either that or some type of seizure.
There's nothing happening right now about that.
Look at these folks here.
Oh, yes!
Yes!
You're going to see this.
Yes, yes, yes.
Isn't the weather beauty tonight?
Smell the weed!
Wow!
I'm getting a contact high, ladies and gentlemen.
Take a picture.
Look at this.
Look at the excitement.
The cacophony.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is America.
The crossroads of the world.
Don't fat shame.
These people have glandular problems.
They're with this hyperhersutinous, this anhispidulousness.
Look at this.
This man's doing some type of twerking.
This is vile and disgusting.
Please, don't try this at home, ladies and gentlemen.
Let me check this out.
Look at this.
Please.
No cultural comment.
No thank you, sir.
No, no.
You see that?
You see these people here?
Who wants to take a picture of me?
Take a picture.
I'll take a picture.
Take a picture of this!
Here we go.
Look at this.
What is that, a Pikachu?
Is this some beanie thing?
Wait a minute, this is good.
This is this weird kind of tribal sounding music when they have paint cans.
You probably have seen this before.
I've seen this.
And then there's this thing here.
How is this thing?
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
You see that?
You see that?
Take your picture!
No, no, no, next thing you know they hit you with this.
How will it happen?
Did they hit you with this?
Look at this.
Disgusting. Oh, hell no.
Tell them what happens.
Then they hit you up for the...
Oh, you harassed.
They harassed the hell out of you.
Let's go.
Now he gets there.
Now he gets there.
Now it gets seedy.
Now it gets dark, folks.
This is it.
Love your music.
And I said, love your music.
I don't know who that is.
This is it.
What is this?
What is the point of this?
Driving with your car?
Let me translate.
Play my annoying music to the consternation and the annoyance of the American peasant.
We're in the theater district, ladies and gentlemen.
Hamilton.
Isn't this great?
Are you having fun?
Tell me you're having fun.
I can't read your comment.
We'll see this later.
Excuse me.
Little refried beans.
This is very nice.
What is this?
Bond 45?
There we go, honey.
The Academy Bus.
Looks familiar?
Now we're on the west side.
We're getting away from Times Square.
Church of Scientology.
Let me tell you something.
Some of the finest people I've met have been Scientologists.
They never bothered me.
They have one of the most beautiful cathedrals.
Not cathedrals.
What do you call that in Washington?
The headquarters?
Headquarters.
Beautiful.
Oh, that's the best food.
I don't want to go down the road.
Mrs. L is very, very...
She's very, very sensitive to Beatles.
But seriously, I never on a Sunday night that many kids and people in the Times Square are on the right side.
Unbelievable.
Wow!
Woo-wee!
Man!
That stuff will kill you.
Oh, man!
Seriously, I can't believe it.
But that's not weed.
I don't know what that is.
It's industrial stuff.
Anyway, let's go back to the...
Now it gets tight.
If you're gunshots, we're going towards, we're going to the Hell's Kitchen area.
It gets dark.
Oh, this is nice.
Look at this.
What is this?
A little vintage store.
Vintage and 46. Vintage and 49. Not bad.
I don't remember, I don't know if it's looking anymore, so.
Sunset Boulevard at the St. James.
You see that over here?
St. James, folks?
A lot of construction.
Look at this.
They knock it in the hall.
I know.
See, honey, our friends are with us.
We're pulling at about 248 people right now.
Really?
Yeah.
Interesting.
I'll keep eyes out while you're doing this.
You know why I'm doing this?
Because it's lazy.
I don't have to do anything.
I don't have to think of anything.
I just say, look at this!
No, but how about, it's New York, and people like to look at these things.
Yeah.
Okay, now I'm going to...
Here's the Masson Patisserie.
I'm going to walk this way, let's see.
Yes, let's go.
this is always very good always figuring out it still works not as not as sketchy by the way these little things here these halal trucks they work their ass off 24 hours a day and now we're on the i have seen some of the tallest Women tonight.
I think they're women.
I think they're women.
I don't know.
Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Ladies and gentlemen, garbage.
New York is known for one thing.
Garbage.
Bags of trash everywhere.
And the people who make this possible used to be Mexicans.
Oh, here we go.
This is one of the greats.
This is the New York City tourist trap.
Little tchotchkes and...
Look at all this.
I think there's a word for this.
It's called shit.
Hats and your little stuff and your things.
You can see the children.
Look at this cheesecake.
One thing that's New York is very good for.
Cheesecake, government, and pizza.
Pizza on every corner.
We're moving up right now, up a lazy river.
We're heading uptown.
Uptown is merely the direction.
Downtown is on a place, it's a direction.
Take that, Tim Pool.
Try pulling this off, see?
More garbage.
God bless the boys.
Here we go.
This is called...
Look at this creative parking.
Look.
It's for the firehouse.
Is that for the firehouse?
Okay.
Are we coming up here?
To the great?
Ah, yes.
Is this the one that was lost?
Yeah, this is the firehouse.
Let me show you something.
This is the saddest.
This firehouse here, correct?
This firehouse here was wiped out.
Every single person.
Look at this sign.
Look at this.
How beautiful this is.
Just take a moment and just take this in.
Can you see the names of the firemen?
Look at this.
Every, I believe, every single, they never came back.
The Broadway Firehouse.
And if I'm correct, didn't we hear that, was it Letterman?
Yes.
Who bought a fire truck for them.
Didn't make a big deal out of it.
Oh, here we go.
Let's do, spot the foreigner.
Can you do it?
You look for glasses and shoes.
Moving up town right now, ladies and germs.
Now this, what do you call this building that you can always see?
This weird, this used to be Madison Square Garden.
Come on, Mrs. L. Yes.
Let me show you this.
Yes.
This is one of the many weed dispensaries.
And what do they have in common?
Empty!
Completely empty.
Look at all this stuff.
What is the purpose?
Wow.
I would show you some faces here, but I don't want to mock the mentally ill.
Look at this.
Hard to choose.
Oh, CBD.
Oh, they have weed for dogs?
How can you tell if your dog's high?
No, it's the way they bark.
Another one.
Pizza everywhere, ladies and gentlemen.
What is this building called?
World Plaza?
World Plaza.
This is where the Madison Square Garden is.
Look at these guys.
These guys selling Apple products.
I see people buying.
wasn't there a Howard Johnson's around here somewhere oh
It was one on 8th Avenue.
Yep, it was years ago.
Bobby Heenan and I stayed there years ago.
It gets sketchy now, folks.
Can you sing the Food Emporium song?
Someone made a store just for me.
Remember, if you hear the careen, the screech, the screech, the screech of tires, and the thud, remember, I love you all.
Let's go.
See those e-bikes?
The bane of my existence right there.
Mrs. L taking us now really into some dark.
Really sketchy now, folks.
See that?
More of these people.
See that?
Yeah.
They follow no instructions.
They don't care about lights, directions.
Oh, look, I need prom night.
This all has nothing to do with the walking lane.
You see this right here?
This is a little kiosk where you can come and charge your phone and relieve yourself.
This is where every degenerate...
Are you having fun?
If you're having fun, give me a one.
Mrs. L's lips are on fire because of the weed.
This is the old master garden.
This is the old garden right here.
This is it, my friend.
Now, see?
See how it gets?
Remember, when you're walking the street, make no eye contact.
Don't engage people.
Whatever.
Whatever they say to you, ignore them like they're not there.
And also your phone makes a great bludgeoning tool.
Look at your phone, how hard that thing is.
You hear somebody in the temple with that?
And they'll be speaking Esperanto the hard way before you notice.
Honey, the Whole Foods Daily Shop.
Don't know what that means.
Well, that was empty for seven or eight years.
Look at this.
Los tres monos.
The three monkeys.
Now this guy.
Thank you for the wands.
This guy's always here.
Selling.
Look at this.
24 hours a day.
How?
Who?
Who buys?
Both of those at 3 in the morning.
Look at this.
Look how much stuff they go through.
I don't know why this fascinates me, but it does.
Ooh, smell the weed.
Wow!
Okay, moving uptown, my friends.
Moving uptown.
See, it's pretty...
Big market indeed.
It doesn't look too dicey.
Now, before Trump, when all of those, uh, when those third-worlders were walking around, whoa!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
I'm telling you.
See that place over there, McHale's?
McHale's used to be, the original McHale's, right next to the Ed Sullivan Theater.
No, no, no.
There was one here.
What am I saying?
They had a bacon cheeseburger that the stagehands Would enjoy.
So help me God.
It was one of the great dives.
Didn't McHale's, it was next to Ed Sullivan, right?
I don't think so.
I got the pants.
Mrs. Del says, I don't know what you're talking about.
She says that a lot to me.
I've had no sleep.
I've had a nap here or there.
Cosmic Diner, honey.
Remember that famous person who fell out of a window?
Don't want to mention the name, but right around there.
Fell to their death.
See that look right now?
Complete confusion.
That's the out of town look.
That means rob me.
Remember the movie The Out of Town?
Oh yes, Alan Arkin.
No, no, Sandy Dennis and Jack Lemmon.
Yes.
One of my favorite places.
This is the famous 52nd Street.
This, to our right, is where Bebop was born.
One of the most famous.
Right down there.
This is it.
And it also holds a famous Gallagher Steakhouse.
We can tell you a few stories about that, but we won't.
We won't.
Remember that cheesecake place, baby, what's his name?
Bad cheesecake.
Now, let me show you something which you're not going to believe.
First and foremost, God, the weed!
Jeez!
These pizza places are everywhere.
Let me show you something, honey.
This is the rarest thing.
You will ever see in Manhattan.
A 7-Eleven.
There's normally a person there holding the door open giving you that I'm going to rob you a look.
A 7-Eleven in Manhattan.
These are our friends we come for our...
Look at these.
Isn't this great?
Isn't this great stuff?
Look at this.
See the...
We've actually got Obama bobbleheads.
They didn't sell.
And the Trump merchandise sells like mad.
Here we go.
Red Pokey or Pokey.
$25,000 in a new car.
What the hell is Red Pokey?
What is Pokey?
Now, Pokey Salad Annie is, of course, the great...
Do you want to go down here?
Yeah.
This used to be the best bagel place.
Pick a bagel.
Am I lying or what?
Used to be.
Used to be.
Okay.
Here is where it gets really good.
This...
I can't promise you much here.
This is a little story.
I don't know what it is that they do.
If you want Mediterranean Turkish, this is the point, which is very good.
And then...
The world-famous Broadway...
Honey, this is a Broadway comedy show.
Joe Franklin used to have his place here.
I guess it's still business.
Can you feel the hilarious...
I know what that place looks like.
Oh, oh, yes, yes.
Did you look in it?
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
I don't know.
Tell me later.
What is this, the back of a church?
Ooh, this smells nice.
Fetid.
Fetid garbage.
Now, here we go.
Look at this.
These little contraptions down here.
What would you describe this?
Lower basement apartments?
But you see them.
It's an old construction form.
This is that building.
We don't know what it is.
Nobody knows what this building is.
It's like the big AT&T building.
Which they believe is an NSA hub.
I swear to God, look it up.
Are you having fun so far?
Huh?
Are you having fun?
Now this.
Honey, right here.
Honey, look at this.
I would love this.
Look.
This is an old church.
This has been dormant.
This has been dormant for...
Look at this.
Wouldn't you love this?
I always tell you.
It's like the Alamo.
Buy it and refurbish it.
I love that.
I love it.
Absolutely.
Another one too.
There's another church here.
A lot of old churches.
Look at this.
Yeah.
All this construction.
You know what this looks like?
A lot of the stuff they write during the chats, the live chats.
I'm kidding.
It was a joke.
Relax.
Christmas lights!
Christmas lights!
And then every now and then you'll see a sign that says male, no, no, male massage, what do they call it?
It looks really good.
Men's spa.
Men's spa, right.
Men's spa.
I think we know what that is.
Honey, they're having fun.
You can't do that.
You know why?
Because you're shaking my camera.
I appreciate the arm holding.
I really do.
It's romantic, but it's not good for videography.
Just saying.
Keep your eyes out.
I'm going to throw pebbles at the window, and then when somebody comes, yell, Lindy made it.
Don't worry.
We'll put you through a few more moments of this.
I hope you're enjoying this.
Does Tim Pool do this?
No.
Does Jordan Peterson do this?
No.
Alex Jones?
No.
Uh, Joe Rogan?
No.
I do this.
These, uh, perambulations.
This place over here, one time I ran in and saw Rosie O'Donnell, who was sitting there, and she looked at me.
Look at these rolls.
Very nice.
Two.
Very shady.
Two rolls.
Uh-huh.
Very shady.
Uh-huh.
In Hell's Kitchen?
Yeah.
Philadelphia.
I think we know what that's about.
Philadelphia.
By the way, for $25 and a new car, what do you think this place sells?
Quick.
That's right.
Spomone.
Now, now we're getting more into it.
This is really good.
This is Hell's Kitchen.
Here's a great place.
Catering, I think, to our LGBT friends.
It's called Flaming Saddle.
Wasn't that the lady that Trump was allegedly involved with?
What was her name?
It's a walking lane.
Yeah, look at this.
See this?
Stop, stop, stop.
This is the walking lane, okay?
This is the bike lane.
This is where you get killed.
You see this?
This is where you get killed.
Can you see how all the streets have been given, stolen by these stupid lanes?
Now we're crossing.
Hang on.
Stop.
This is very careful.
Phenomenal place.
Pizza joint.
Norma, ladies and gentlemen.
And Karahi, Indian.
Bar 9. Medi.
Right up and down.
Down the street here is every conceivable form of...
Cuisine, you can imagine.
Viking food.
That was a joke.
I don't know if we're going to do much of this anymore.
This is where we say sayonara.
This is one of those coffee places where people sit all day.
Ooh, the weed.
Choke.
Mrs. El Choke.
In any event, my friends, thank you for sharing the time with us.
Did we have fun, honey?
Lots of fun.
Aren't they great?
You're the best.
We love you a lot.
Stay with us, Turing.
I know.
Don't turn this.
No, but it's great, though.
Somebody, tonight, we went to an event.
Somebody said, I like your walking tours.
That's right.
I said, okay, that's fair enough.
Anyway, you have a great night, my friends.
Good night.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Please come to New York.
When you do, look us up.
You know where to find us.
On the streets.
On the streets, walking around.
We took you to Times Square.
We took you to the theater district.
Did you see the crowd?
Crowds were incredible.
All right, friends.
We love you.
Have a great night.
Don't forget the monkey's dead.
Show's over.
Sue you.
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