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Jan. 2, 2025 - Lionel Nation
01:27:09
New Year's Eve 2025 With Mrs. L & Lionel: This Is the Year That Changes Everything
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*Dramatic Music*
Don't laugh.
I take this very seriously.
Don't laugh.
I know what you're thinking.
Ah, go ahead and laugh.
This is it, my friends.
We don't want to blow these, but...
It's so obnoxious.
This didn't even work.
It's too loud for children and dogs.
Kids don't like them, dogs.
Leave it.
Didn't we?
Happy New Year's Eve.
This is it.
We made it.
We did it.
Five hours ago.
What a year.
Thanks to all of us.
We made it.
Cut up chatter says.
Sweet 25, setting off for the next year, the next hour, hoping forward accepts my coming on the jagged wheel with a flexible step.
Only my best to be added.
Never summing Happy New Year.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for that.
Dear friends, we are...
I'm ready to go.
25. Ready to go.
This has been...
This is our year.
This is our year.
We got our official...
Your glasses are far more subtle.
I'll tell you why.
Because I had a pair like that, I think, last year, and they blinded me.
I couldn't see out of them.
Because technically, this is really...
I can see out of these.
Right, but this is really $20,025.
Oops.
No.
Well, see, $20025.
That's yours.
So yours is like 20,000.
So we can hang on to those for the next whatever thousand.
Or we can just take the five off and add a six.
Mine is 20,200.
We got this, of course, at our neighborhood small store.
Small store.
Souvenir shop to support him.
And it's 50 degrees.
People are already going crazy in New York City.
It's supposed to rain.
It's midnight.
We are nowhere near.
We had Mrs. L made tonight.
So help me God.
She's probably thinking, this is the most ridiculous thing in the world.
You keep talking about it.
She made a lasagna tonight.
Meatless.
With non-dairy.
Delish.
Brigota.
Victoria's spaghetti sauce.
The best there is.
White linen stuff.
It was superb.
Superb.
I defy anyone, anyone to not fall in love with that.
It's delicious, right?
Nothing heavy tonight, my friends.
Not on New Year's Eve.
Pilgrim says, what's the urinal situation in Times Square?
Urinals?
None!
They suggest you wear a diaper, and once they open the gates, which I think began at around 2 p.m., you cannot...
Once they let you single file into the area for Times Square, which I think is 1 or 2 p.m., you are not allowed to leave that area.
You're in there with your diaper.
As we say in West Tampa, Tony Dash from DoorDash says, you both look great.
Happy New Year.
Thank you, Tony.
Thank you, TD.
What a time.
What a time.
What a year.
This is going to be the best time ever with the best president ever.
We did it.
And we're just going to have fun tonight, and we're going to thank you, because we did it.
We did it.
We did it.
We fought those bastards tooth and nail.
We sat here, remember election night, six whatever hours, you were getting the worried look.
Because I was monitoring the precincts at six and a half hours, and a couple of states that closed several hours prior were not giving their final tally, and I thought, oh my goodness.
This is what they're waiting for, to pull something off at the last minute.
So that is why I had that stomach ache all night.
Yes.
But I want to say we need to thank the American public who really spoke.
Absolutely.
And probably spoke even more than we know about.
But that's my two cents.
I saw somebody mention my good friend Anthony Cumia.
What was this?
I saw it and I missed it.
Take your time.
I missed it.
Just keep talking, honey.
I'll try to figure this out.
Okay.
This is not the best way to see through glasses and this.
Well, if you need your other glasses.
No, no.
I'm not going to ruin it.
I'm not going to break.
I see what's going on.
I'm not going to break kayfabe.
No, I left very early, as you know, this morning.
I had an appointment, a meeting.
So it was at 8 a.m., and the streets were eerily quiet.
Yes.
Eerily, because when walking across town, one usually sees the coffee shops.
New Year's Day.
The tourists always get up early, right?
You'll see them on the streets on 6th, 7th Avenue, 8th Avenue.
There was nobody around, and I thought, this is a little bizarre.
Usually you see them having breakfast and strolling towards Times Square.
This is before they close anything down.
And then when I returned around close to 1 p.m., it was everything closed down.
Walk this way.
But everything was very orderly.
So I want people to understand something.
Although you hear and there are these horror stories that come out of New York City.
Honey, I'm telling a story.
Somebody asked, where's the vampire?
Just sorry, go ahead.
Okay.
I'm sorry, go ahead.
No, it was very nice on the streets.
People were setting up their tables to sell glasses and hats.
Yes.
A good feeling.
And you know what?
The streets are packed with a lot of tourists.
And I, for one, am so happy.
Even if they block me from crossing the street, I always say to you, what if you came from like a cornfield or a farm?
Of course you're going to stop and stare and look up at the sky at all these skyscrapers.
Go ahead.
Have added tourists.
So I enjoy.
I am so happy after the last few years to see all these people flooding the city.
And I really notice a lot of people from Italy and France because I...
I see the way they dress, which is different from here.
And I also hear them talking.
Yes, that gives it away.
And you can always tell the sneakers, the trainers, and the glasses.
Our good friend Carla, the hardest woman to reach on the phone, by the way, says, Happy New Year from Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year filled with hope, joy, and endless possibilities.
Here's to great things ahead for all in 2025.
About to pop the first champagne.
Cheers to all of us indeed.
Go Carla, go!
New Mexico is the place.
How long have I been talking about?
Taos and Giorgio Keyes.
You've been wanting to go there.
That is the best.
For some reason, it is calling me.
Calling me.
Okay, we're going to do it.
We're going to do it.
25 is our year.
We're going to do it.
Yeah, so please.
And also, remember, if you're going to be home and you're not going to be driving, knock it out of the park.
Let's face it.
Get gooned.
It's okay.
You've earned it.
Carla, you've earned it.
We've all learned it.
Look what we've been through.
Don't remind us.
Let us stay in the moment of 25. What does not destroy us makes us stronger.
We are all of us brought together from this.
It's wonderful.
I'm telling you.
2025, a square.
45 squared.
I've been to the numbers if you're into the numerology, but it's fantastic.
We're not going to do anything.
We're not going to talk about any horrors.
Well, I had a little bit of a horror, can I tell you?
I don't know.
So I did a Lin's Warriors live video earlier today because I had to prepare the food, right?
And so I wanted to just thank everybody for the wonderful 2024 and all of your donations and support and re-Xing.
Is that what it's called?
Retweeting.
Whatever.
Facebook.
Just generally really empowering me to do what is a very tough job.
Although I'm a warrior, you still need empowerment.
Okay?
Because if I really told you some of the things that we deal with, seriously, people can't handle it.
And I'm not saying that to just, like, tease people.
I'm just saying...
It's too much for people.
So anyway, I was doing at 3 o 'clock Eastern Time, and I kept saying, well, I'm waiting for comments.
Well, come on now.
Tell me what you're going to do on New Year's Eve.
Tell me what you think.
And there was one comment.
And I thought, what is going on here?
Because I could see the number of people watching.
So anyway, I just want to say, I hit the wrong button, everybody.
I do apologize.
No, I hit the wrong button.
Okay, well, I didn't want to call you out, but you hit the wrong button.
I did it!
You set it up for me, so I apologize to all of you who were there because there were a lot of comments.
Absolutely.
And a lot of love.
And a lot of love and a lot of support, so I apologize.
I want to address, if any of you are here watching this now, I want to just thank you for that.
That will never...
No.
Happen again.
Our good friend Nelson A. says, call for help.
I'm in a phone booth.
Tap, tap, tap.
Can't you hear me knocking?
Open the pot door, Hal.
I don't know what that means.
I'm kidding.
Is that lyrics to a song?
Happy New Year, Mr. and Mrs. Al.
Too much health, love, and wealth in the New Year.
Love you.
Also, may I wish to you something which we never say.
May you have mental health.
Yes.
Mental health.
A lot of people would say, well, I'm in great health, but mental health.
There are so many people who are so atrevado and shingad, as we say here.
It's incredible.
So enjoy.
Remember, just don't get too deep into stuff.
Just enjoy.
Have fun.
Relax.
Remember in the old days when we would have to write down a new number?
This is what you do.
Everything is digital.
Everything's already changed, except you've got to say, what about the stove?
We don't have a stove.
Don't get smart appliances, by the way, because smart is dumb.
You've got to go back and eat.
That's my department.
Go fix the stove.
I never realized how many clocks we got.
Go fix it.
Okay, this is like whenever there's a...
I guess the year wouldn't apply, but checks.
But remember the old days when you would write down the...
You'd have to get the right year.
Okay, but here's what I don't understand.
Some years, I would automatically be able to stay with the new year.
Never had a problem.
And other times, remember in school when we were kids, you had to put the date in the upper right corner, at least the nuns I wanted to, and I'd have the wrong year repeatedly.
And especially if you used pen, which we started in fifth grade, fourth grade maybe.
I'd ruin it.
I'd have to start all over again because you couldn't really erase the big pen.
No.
So we have it so much easier.
You had those very interesting erasers that were white and gray.
I understand.
Remember the ones that were blue and red?
They never really worked.
They never really did.
And they left more lint.
I'm telling you.
So I started over.
Remember the little wheel with the little brush?
Oh, yeah.
Well, that was for the typewriter.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I used to use that on the typewriter with the carbon paper.
Isn't this great?
How we talk about this stuff.
Look at this, Debbie.
Debbie.
That's what we do.
Debbie got that.
That means deep fried or crispy.
That's that West Tampa kind of how loud.
Gone.
Or as Hilaria Baldwin would say, You know what?
I do not understand.
I know this is not important to everybody, but...
It is important if you want it to be.
Why is that stupid woman, that's my two cents, slipping back into her Spanish accent or whatever this accent is and pretending she doesn't know the word for onion?
I don't understand.
She got away with it once.
She got away with it once.
And she's doing it again.
I'll never go near that thing again.
I tried that one.
It was a stupid thing.
They try anything.
But you see, she got a day or two's worth of in the media and people talking about it.
That's all they care about.
Interestingly enough, John Fetterman went from not being able to speak without aphasia and everything else by virtue of some TIA or something or stroke.
He went from, I mean, remember he was like, hey!
And he couldn't read.
Well, he had a stroke, honey.
Well, I just said.
I know, but he had a stroke.
And then all of a sudden, He's much smarter now.
He's better.
Now, that's okay.
It's not like he improved.
It's like, can you tell me there have been some improvements?
You know, sometimes you know somebody who's had a stroke or TIA or something.
Maybe there's a little speech impediment.
And they work on it and they get a little bit of it back.
But you can kind of...
He's better than most people.
Okay, that's different.
She is the only person who has the accent.
Loses the accent and back to the accent.
She's a creep, no matter how you cut it.
I don't like to call another woman a creep, but frankly...
Bridget Szymanski.
Let me tell you something also.
We did...
We have discovered things that we never really thought...
I mean, like, for example, Hulu, I don't know, we watch...
She, we watched Lilla.
She did.
She watched all Lilla Hummer.
I can't do it.
I have to go watch police arrest videos or something.
I just can't.
I do the whole series.
I can't stick with it.
I have to do everything.
She devotes, 2 o 'clock in the morning, I hear Stevie V. It's the only time I have watched Hulu.
No, it's on Netflix.
The Hulu.
The Hulu.
She's talking about the Hulu.
Remember I used to say the internet.
The internet.
The Google.
The Google.
I've said that for decades now.
Well, that one.
No, I have to do it complete.
Lillehammer was fantastic.
Okay.
Fantastic.
Then you got into, what did you watch?
Oh, Desperate Housewives.
Yeah.
Watched all of that.
Yeah.
The new one we stumbled into.
Oh, Brothers and Sisters.
Oh, Brothers and Sisters.
Oh, my God.
But that was okay.
But the show that was fantastic with Alec Baldwin was 30 Rock.
Now, do you know why I started watching that?
Best woman.
Best writing.
He played a conservative.
Remember, they did all kinds of Donald Trump jokes.
He was the funniest.
He hated Nancy Pelosi.
It was...
Remember Alex Keaton in Family Ties or whatever it was?
He was the conservative and he had pictures of Nixon.
Alec Baldwin.
I know he's a...
I know he's a...
I know that, but a great actor.
Now, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Why did you watch that?
First of all, I want to address something.
We missed a comment.
I think Jerry is ill, has been ill.
Wait a minute.
Could you go back and just so we can send our love...
J-E or G-E?
G-E-R-I, so we can send Jerry.
Oh, no.
I just had cranial surgery on the 16th.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Cranial surgery?
Jerry.
On the cranium?
Jerry, but you look great!
But we love you, and we're sending you...
You're going to be doing so well in 25. You're going to heal up.
Please fill us in.
How are you doing?
Well, we're going to...
Everybody send love.
Send love.
Send it out to Jerry.
We'll send you some lasagna.
Give us your...
We'll freeze-dry it.
No, but everybody, seriously, send healing vibes and love.
Oh, absolutely.
Because that's infectious.
And that's what I believe.
Remember when you...
Did you ever have aunts, whatever, who had female surgery?
And they never said...
I don't want to talk about that.
But I said, what does that mean?
I don't want to talk about that.
Okay, now cranial surgery, also known as a craniotomy.
Oh, this is...
Well, bless your heart.
Did they...
Well, I'm not going to go into it.
Anyway, I hope you feel better.
Jerry can tell us what she wants.
Jerry can tell us what she wants.
25 is Jerry's year.
Everybody send the love, the vibes out to Jerry.
Do it for me, though.
When you have something, really tell people.
If you're going to go through this, if you're going to go through the pain and the discomfort and the expense and whatever, you get the right to tell people.
And then they remove my brain.
Embellish a little bit.
Now look at all these beautiful comments.
Look at this.
See this?
We have Ann.
This is why you're beautiful.
Gracie loves George.
Look at this.
This is why this healing prayer.
Yeah, Fred.
Fred's got it right.
No, very seriously.
It really...
Oh, absolutely.
It really counts when people come together.
When somebody says, do prayers help?
I don't know.
I'm sure they couldn't hurt.
But when somebody in one room turns to you and says, sings happy birthday, when you are the focal point, oh, I definitely believe that.
You can feel it.
You know, I stopped in church the other day to light a candle.
Walked into a church.
I stopped along the way.
I got down on my knees.
Got down on my knees.
And began to pray.
And began to pray.
I don't know the other words.
But that's good enough.
To this stupid song.
California Dream.
California Dream.
Sorry.
Well.
We're not going to get hired as singers, but we just sing.
We might be hired.
But we sing to each other a lot when nobody's around.
But here's what I wanted to tell you.
So we stopped into church, and I wanted to light a couple of candles.
By the way, some mamas and papas, Gloria.
Go ahead.
And it was fairly empty, but there was one woman in such distress going from station to station, their hands out.
Oh, no.
Crying, praying.
But I left her alone.
Oh, yeah.
Because for a minute I thought, you know, very well dressed.
Do I need to approach her?
Does she need help?
Yeah, probably not.
Then a priest came in, so I thought, I'm going to let him handle it.
Good.
I mean, I stopped in to light some candles, so why wasn't I?
Did he?
Well, I'm going to be honest.
Because this church is a little weird.
This is the church where...
It is a beautiful church, though, and I wanted to light...
Where you had your bag grabbed.
On Christmas, unbelievable.
That's another story.
I don't want to even rehash that story.
They grabbed this guy's ass.
Two undercover cops.
So fast.
You can't believe it.
Threw him on the ground.
I mean, pow!
My luck!
I got my purse back.
I mean, are you kidding?
He threw the jersey.
He goes, I didn't mean it!
He said, whoa!
He never got in it.
Nothing was gone from it.
And grabbed it right off the pew.
For one split second, I went to take a picture of the altar and had it next to me.
Ladies, never put your purse down on church pews.
All gassed up says, Lionel, I know it's a set down, but I'd love to see you do your cutting room show in Nashville.
I'd love to do it.
I'd love to do it.
Absolutely.
You know, the cutting room has always, always, over the years, welcomed us, you.
With open arms.
I'll just put that out there.
Let me tell you something about them.
Let me tell you something about them, especially when it was real bad.
When the TDS stuff was real bad.
That's what I'm letting you talk about.
They said, listen, anybody, this is a venue for entertainment and the like, and they were terrific.
The staff, whatever.
So anyway, that's February 22nd, by the way.
So anyway, what's everybody doing?
Tell us what you're doing.
Tell us what you're doing.
Tell us what your plans are.
Who's going to be knocked out?
Who's going to be...
Who never makes it to midnight?
Who does go to midnight?
What are you going to do?
Tell us.
Let's share this.
Share this.
Everybody pretty much watches the ball.
In some old movies.
Look, it happens when you get old.
I'm sorry.
It's gravity.
Stop it.
These fine people are tuning in.
Oh my God, look at the eggs!
Oh my God!
These fine people don't want to hear that.
I think Sue made a comment earlier on here about something like sad to take down the tree.
I just want to address that.
I get very sad, especially when I say to you.
That's the first tree put out for the garbage, which was the other day.
Some people say, the next day?
Well, they go away for New Year's, a lot of people tell me.
So they take the tree down and put it out.
But it makes me so sad.
And then I get so sad, too.
We have to take down all the decorations.
Oh, look at this.
Kim says, look at this.
Kim says she's celebrating with her new chocolate Labrador puppy.
What's the baby's name?
Yeah, we always, you know, dogs are cute and everything, but we do not have dogs.
We just, I can't go out in the snow.
Let me tell you the reason we don't have a dog.
Because I can go out in the snow, and I can do it all.
You heard this.
We don't have a dog because I want us to be able to bond with a dog for the first few months and really train them and be with them.
Especially like now, going into January, I'm going to be traveling a lot, be in Washington a lot.
I won't be able to be with the dog.
I can train it.
Listen, you're going to be the first one.
I can just see it.
That dog would be sleeping in the bed with you.
You'd be like, where's little...
What was our dog?
Nitty.
Nitty.
After Frank Nitty.
After the gangster.
We have a dog named Nitty.
We already picked a name one time, years ago.
I don't know.
It might come someday.
I really don't because...
Can't bond.
Well, we'll see.
Unless we're home.
George, George Lenz says, bottle of bubbly at midnight here at home.
Happy New Year, Mr. and Mrs. L. Thank you so much.
I have never liked, never liked champagne, ever.
Sparkling, never been a wine person, except for Mosel, Auslese, Spätlese, Eiswein, the Germans, the real, oh, those were like, whoa.
Years ago.
But other than that, champagne.
And there's nothing worse than the smell of red wine on somebody's breath.
Recently I was at an event.
Somebody had red wine and smoking cigarettes.
You know what I'm talking about.
So with cigarette smoke and red wine, I thought it was going to become projectile emetic.
But we're going to have a nice...
Nice coffee or whatever it is.
Tonight?
Some ice water.
But we do heavy pharmaceuticals, though.
Really, really stuff.
Oh, we got a friend of ours at a pain clinic, and we just go nuts.
I'm kidding!
People will take you seriously.
I'm kidding!
People will take you seriously.
I'm kidding!
That is not the truth.
One time, years ago, I'll tell you a story.
One time, bless his heart, my father had this terrible, like, neuropathy.
It was like a shingle, sort of, but it was terrible.
Terrible.
So anyway, so it was Father's Day and he was sitting there at the table and he couldn't even wear a t-shirt or nothing.
So he's sitting there without a shirt.
I said, we look like this white trash trailer.
I said, what is this?
I was laughing.
And he apparently was given...
Valium, like diazepam, kind of a thing for his neuropathy.
And the pain, as you know, shingles his arm.
So anyway, he wasn't very good with, you know, do you take one, do you take two?
So he was taking val release.
He was taking time-release valium and regular valium.
So I don't know how many he took, but he was humming, singing in the rain.
I said, what the hell is going on here?
So my mother turned to him.
She's a nurse.
My sister's a nurse.
How many did you take?
They became like, I forget who the drug czar was.
How many did you take?
Three.
Three?
My God!
Did you take one of these?
I don't know.
Oh my God, you got like 25 milligrams.
Oh my God, I hope you don't overdose.
What?
And he was like, so they said, talk to him.
I said, why do I have to talk to him?
What am I, the druggie?
Am I the druggie?
Talk to me.
So anyway, they were disgusted.
God damn it!
And he's like, I don't know.
He was like looking at the box and the colors, the iridescent.
I said, I got bad news for you.
He said, what?
I said, you know the feeling you have now?
He says, yeah.
It's going to go away.
So enjoy it!
That's it!
He says, you know, I'll never forget this.
He says, you know, I can understand.
White people get hooked on this.
I said, exactly!
It's not because it hurts, but he was...
I was going to put on like cream, white room or something.
One of the funniest things.
We had a friend years ago, remember who, a friend of ours had, kind of like sinus surgery, very susceptible to pain and went off the charts.
Remember that?
Hearing voices is very interesting.
I think there's something to be said for that.
I'll just leave it at that.
Leave it at that.
Because you've never been gooned in your life.
Never.
Bridget Szymanski says, Chinese food familia.
Try to make it to midnight.
Oh, I know.
I know.
It is like a long slog.
Yeah.
Isn't it kind of like you get to kind of like 10.30-ish and then you're like another hour and a half.
There's nothing worse it got.
And then they got that Rockin' Eve.
Is that thing still on?
That Rockin' Eve?
That horrible entertainment?
Give me Guy Lombardo.
I'm sorry.
I thought it was interesting where you could buy a ticket in, I guess, China and go backwards.
Go from 2025 to 2024, which is kind of an interesting concept.
And if you kept going backwards, Do you get your years back?
Anyway, I identify as Gene Kelly.
You guys are very cute together.
Thank you, Kelly.
You know about that.
Look at this.
I wish I didn't have so much pain that I've got to take about enough to knock out a large horse.
Because it takes...
A lot to get high tolerance.
Yes.
For everything.
LOL.
It all goes to the pain.
You know, it's funny you say that.
People who are really, really, really, really horribly in pain will do anything to make the pain go away.
And they don't get high.
It's just to alleviate it.
It's the worst pain I've ever had in my life.
I've never experienced anything even remotely like this, ever.
I was doing a house of cards.
I was doing a house of cards.
I still have nightmares about it.
And I got this attack, this pain.
I thought I was dying.
They took me to a hospital.
I left the set in an ambulance.
You came back to the scene.
In an ambulance.
And I'm in Baltimore.
And they're like, and the agent's calling.
He's like, can he make it?
I said, I'm going to make it!
And he said, do you think he can do it?
I'm like, yeah, he's going to do that scene.
And you're like, okay.
Oh, I was in the hospital.
Get to that set and do that scene.
I was screaming.
You were screaming.
I was telling the doctor, I'll never forget this.
I said, I hate to be a little bitch.
I swear to you, I said, this is killing me.
Am I grabbing him?
And he said, Well, maybe we can give you some morphine.
I said, what the hell are you waiting for?
And they're asking.
It was the most miraculous.
We never found out, though, what the pain was.
Gone.
Done.
Have a nice day.
See, I went back.
I did the scene with Robin Wright.
And you could never tell a thing.
No!
You looked great.
You sounded great.
And they're looking at me like, who is this guy?
They're thinking overdose or something?
An ambulance?
Take this guy?
Some big part guy?
It was so funny.
We were driving back.
I think one of the guys who may have passed away, they're asking me, they're all talking about it.
He says, are you an actor?
Because they all drove us back to the hotel.
I said, well, no, no, no, no.
Well, what have you done before?
I said, well, nothing, really.
I don't, never.
But you could have.
You could have.
You chose not to.
No, I chose not to be a gold medal.
Long distance runner either, for one particular reason, talent.
But anyway, the point is, this circuitous story, the amount of pain that I felt, I've never, and that morphine, boom!
Gone.
Like nothing.
That's why on the battlefield, people who lost arms, they give morphine, and it's miraculous.
Okay, moving right along.
It wasn't a kidney stone.
Somebody said kidney stone.
It was just...
Chris Emerson, how about this?
Lionel requesting the Andrew Cuomo ventilator impression.
You are a wild dude.
He's coming back, by the way.
Andrew Cuomo is going to be coming back.
I actually think he has a chance.
And I wish Curtis Lewa would come back.
I've known him for 30-something years.
He's a good guy.
Smart as a whip.
If he get off this stupid feral cat business...
He's not talking about that again.
I cannot.
He married a very nice woman who's into cats.
We don't have time for cats.
People are burning up on subways.
When did you get with his cats?
When did this happen?
Okay, but they are...
I'll tell you something.
Don't bring up the woman, but they identified her.
That's all I'm going to say.
That is his story, but the guardian angel, so Curtis is going back out on patrol.
So he says, with the gang.
But I tell you, they were a presence here in New York when they started.
I used to see them get on subway cars, walk through.
You know, everybody saw the red jackets and berets.
And I wonder today, I don't think there'd be that same kind of...
And they go from train to car to car to car.
But what I'm asking you, do you think there'd be that same kind of...
You know, because people really sat up when they...
Yes!
You know, I don't know, it was the late 70s.
I don't remember when this was.
I'm 100% in favor of it.
No, but I don't think today...
People would give them that kind of attention?
You know what?
They walk in, they get the beret, they walk two at a time, they've got all these earrings and the thing.
We need the guardian angels.
A lot of times, I think they disarm people because when you see them, you think, what is this?
How old are you?
They kind of look like a gang a lot of them.
They look like a gang.
Some are 80 years old, some are 12. And then there's Curtis, who...
Curtis is in his 70s.
Curtis is one of the smartest people.
I know what I'm talking about.
I know what I'm talking about, but he just goes off into this.
I have a list somewhere.
Curtis is famous for his malaprops.
He says things like...
He'll say it, he says, like a knight on a white shiny horse.
The flamingos coming back from Capistrano.
Alzenheimer's disease.
Between a hard rock and a hard spot.
He does, and you think, you're not, you don't really remember.
Do you think he does it on purpose?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not sure about that.
He used to work sometimes for four days in a row, and he never, I don't know how he did, he worked constantly.
So one day I was walking by the, we were at WABC, and I'm walking by the room, the control room, and there he is, and lo and behold, lo and behold, he was talking about, he goes, and of course, I take Bertolli olive oil.
And rub it on my foreskin to grow hair.
And I walked in.
I said, excuse me, I know you're not supposed to do this.
And he started, because I could make him laugh, I said, but let me ask you what you just said.
He's like up for four days.
You want to put Bertolli olive oil on your foreskin to grow hair.
Number one, why do you want to grow hair?
But number two, what are you talking about?
Well, he had heard it was something that Italians believed he put on your forehead.
You grow hair.
He was tired.
And so we started laughing.
Now, he's been up for four days.
I'm laughing.
I'm thinking, what is this?
WABC flagship number one.
You got this guy talking about putting it on his forehead.
And we were laughing.
That's when radio was great.
Now, it's a disaster.
I don't know what this is.
Oh, how about this one today?
They actually had this in...
And not Vice Magazine, but Variety or something, they said, hey, guess what?
You know, a lot of these sound, you know, voicing, Spotify sound, whatever, they're really losing to video.
People seem to want to watch video more than listen to radio.
I'm thinking, do you think?
They wrote an article.
How did they not know this?
It goes without saying.
People want to see this.
Do you want to watch Joe Rogan or listen to him?
Do you want to watch him?
Or maybe have the option.
I love the way these people just figure something out.
Barwell says Curtis is 70. Okay.
Well, good for him.
No, because I said he's in his 70s.
He is.
He's good.
He's a good, good, good, good, good, good, good.
Let me see.
Let me see this.
Okay, Curtis is 70. Okay, good.
Terrific.
Enough.
And thank you, Gail, for that nice comment.
I am wearing my, you know, my sparkles tonight for New Year's Eve.
We dress around the house.
Well, you do.
And she made the lasagna like this.
I swear to God.
I was running amok.
You look like one of the Fitzgeralds.
I know, it wasn't.
I'm walking around like a schmuck with this.
It was like Beaver's mother with an apron on.
You know, women don't really wear aprons anymore.
They sell them.
But women whose mother and grandmother wore aprons?
Because every woman used to wear an apron.
And then I don't know why women just stop wearing aprons.
I'm not kidding.
Did your mother wear an apron?
No.
They didn't wear them in Tampa?
Not really.
Your mother was very, very June Cleaver.
Mine was more like...
Your grandmother didn't wear...
Alice Cramden.
No, I'm serious.
We were not fancy at all.
Wearing an apron is not fancy.
Every woman used to wear an apron.
You go like this, you have a towel.
My mother had little aprons and not the ones that go over your head.
Tying around the waist aprons.
Now all the aprons are over the head like a chef's apron.
I want to see.
No, I have not.
Really?
Does she wear an apron?
Look at this Mikey guy who says, I remember you from WPix News.
Pixie.
Pixie, yeah, in New York City.
Pixie News.
They didn't know what to do with me.
They did not know.
Remember that New Year's Eve?
They slipped in there, kind of.
Yeah, thanks to Bill Carey, thanks to Randy Michaels, thanks, absolutely.
This is when it was fun.
It was so hip.
When, what's his name, Greg?
What's his name?
Subway.
He's still on, I think.
Yeah, but what's his name?
I can't remember his name.
Greg something.
Greg something.
He was a genius when he was doing...
Oh my God!
He did some of the greatest stuff anybody's...
I'm telling you, it was terrific.
Greg...
Oh, come on.
What's his name?
Greg Macher!
Thank you!
How can we forget that?
Greg Macher was terrific.
I think he's still on.
I think I saw him fairly recently still on.
But then, you know, people, they want to make changes.
That's fine.
But anyway, I was saying something.
Oh, oh!
New Year's Eve!
New Year's Eve!
Or Christmas Eve, coming out.
Remember the Stardust Diner?
Now it's Justino's?
Was it the Stardust?
Was that Stardust?
No, it was called Morning Star.
Morning Star.
Morning Star Diner.
And we walked out and we're getting something late and it was New Year's Eve or Christmas Eve?
One of the two.
It was New Year's Eve.
And this one guy says, hey, we used to watch you on Rikers all the time.
I said, alright.
He goes, we love you, man.
Love you too.
On Rikers Island.
Yes.
Second one, the best story.
Tell me if I'm exaggerating.
Up 8th Avenue.
This guy is walking behind us and he's cursing under his breath.
This guy is a nut.
He isn't.
Absolute crazy.
We were.
I thought, oh.
So anyway, I said, you get towards the thing.
I'm standing between.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm trying to brace myself.
I was on the outside.
You said, move to the inside.
Don't turn around.
Don't.
Move towards.
No, no.
Move away from him.
I'll be in the middle.
You walk towards the street and let this guy pass us.
So anyway, so as he passes us, he's mumbling and after this.
He turns around and goes, hey, I like you.
Or I watch all the time.
He goes, all right.
Turns around.
Eff it, eff it.
Went right back to it, but stopped.
And that was...
Tells you a lot about the people that watch Pix News, doesn't it?
Carla, of course, the elusive one says, we're looking for a clip of House of Cards episodes you were on.
That show is top five for me.
Meanwhile, Roger found us...
Snap Judgment.
Remember Snap Judgment?
Oh, Snap Judgment.
Oh, God.
That was a wonderful time.
Snap judgment.
I think I'm going to put that piece up.
I've got it.
I'm going to put it up.
It's not the longest, but it's me with Robin Ryan.
It's very, very nice.
I think you should do more of that.
I said, we should be wearing headphones.
He goes, well, I said, no, no.
They didn't care.
Very, very interesting.
So long for...
She was very, very nice, very professional, very, she had this long coat, it was very cold in this big hangar in Baltimore.
And she goes, I'm Robin.
I'm thinking, yeah, I know.
She was being, she was very, you met her too one time, she's very nice.
Yes, but my story shall remain.
But it was, she's very, very nice is my point.
Either way, very, very nice.
She's being very nice, introducing herself to you.
Yes.
On the set.
Imagine he says, He was the first at WFLA.
Howard Stern got the idea to be a morning drive shot from Lionel.
No brag, just fact.
No, those were days.
Let me tell you something.
A radio genius, and I mean this when I use that term, was a fellow named Randy Michaels.
And Randy Michaels not only knew radio, knew about the transmitter, knew where the transmitter was, how to get...
The frequencies, the wavelength, the this, the tube.
He had a license.
He knew every aspect of the industry.
Everything.
And the only thing was, he goes, have fun, don't lose the license.
That was it.
If you said something that people have said, great.
They backed you.
I one time was doing...
Every racial joke I knew using the word Alsatian for whatever it was.
And they said, you're going to have to stop.
I said, why?
Because are we getting calls from Alsatians?
They said, no.
We know what you mean.
I said, but if you know what I mean, then you've got the problem, not me.
Did I ever tell you the story about Mrs. Miller?
Remember Mrs. Miller?
Of course I do, from Merv Griffin.
One day we had, we were in the studio, and we had all these great albums.
I mean, albums, this is a radio station from the, whatever.
And I found this Mrs. Miller, and she was doing The Girl from Ipanema.
And she was, doobie, doobie, doobie.
No, it was Strangers in the Night.
Doobie, doobie.
And the album was warped.
It was kind of warped.
So it was like...
And I played this, and I would make this up.
I said, let me explain something to you.
I said, Mrs. Miller was the girl from Ipanema.
Joe Beam was a cabana boy on Ipanema, on the beach, and he met her, and I made this up.
And then I said, he gave Charlie Parker the name Yashiga Yardberg, because he made chicken for him.
Anyway, so my buddy, Jerry Wexler, THE Jerry Wexler, he called me and he said, I never heard that about Mrs. Miller.
I said, I made it up!
He said, great!
He said, and I worked this thing, I said, can you come on?
He said, yeah, I'll make something up too.
Really?
I said, well, this will ruin your career.
He says, I'm 97 years old.
I don't care.
So he was going to make something up.
And he said, I'll even get Mitch Miller.
Because he knew who was in the neighborhood.
So we were going to put this, contrive this story about Mrs. Miller.
And nobody would do it.
We had it all worked out.
I don't know what happened.
Jerry got sick.
Whatever.
Did we ever find out who Mrs. Miller, I'm going to have to look this up, who she really, because I was a kid when I used to watch Merv Griffin.
She used to, Mrs. Miller, she used to buy out Carnegie Hall, and she was, she couldn't sing, and she was in the front seat, the front row of Merv Griffin.
Who remembers Mrs. Miller?
This is really esoteric.
You know, but Merv came, Merv came from my old office at one point, the Helen Hayes Theater, on 44th Street.
So maybe when I was a kid watching it, I think she was in New York.
Mrs. Miller, she died.
She was 89 years old.
Her name was Elva.
Ruby Connis.
So she wasn't even a Mrs. Miller?
No.
Who recorded under the name Mrs. Miller was an American singer who gained some fame in the 1960s for her series of shrill and off-tempo renditions of popular songs such as Moon River, Monday, Monday, A Lover's Concerto, and Downtown.
Oh, Downtown was very good.
She was an untrained mezzo-soprano.
Let's get to her personal part of her story.
I want to see...
She sang for Servicemen in Vietnam.
Can you imagine that?
You've got all these great, you know, all along the Watchtower, Fortunate Son, all this great music that maybe Quentin Tarantino would use.
Where she came from.
And you come out of the jungle and you've been humping the Charlie and Mrs. Miller.
She'd turn around and go back into the jungle.
But we don't see her personal story.
I'm going to get to this, please.
There's nothing there.
I'm a speed reader.
She was discovered by a radio disc jockey.
Oh, Gary Owens.
Oh, I remember him?
Yeah, he was a great...
I knew him very, very well.
And Pat McCormick.
Pat McCormick.
Went to see them.
Him, Pat McCormick, and somebody else at Michael's Pub.
I have a Third Avenue where Woody Allen used to play.
Big hot spot.
Big hot spot.
Yes, yes, yes.
I forgot all about him.
Gary Owens.
I thought you were going to say, I don't know why, but I thought you were going to say N.J. Pack.
Remember the night at N.J. Pack?
Oh, no.
Oh, look.
Oh, my God.
Listen.
I'm so excited.
That was the night I've got that famous.
I've got my very proud.
Robert Klein.
Open up for Robert Klein, Mort Saw, and Dick Gregory.
We were all in one car.
Wait a minute.
On the way back.
What happened?
For whatever reason, Robert Klein was gone, but it was Mort Shaw and Dick Gregory in this Cadillac or something.
It was such an old car.
It had to sit on somebody's lap.
It was like a hump with a transmission.
This was an old car.
Anyway, so we're in the back of this thing with these comedy greats and I said, look at this.
This is show business.
They were phenomenal.
They were.
Those were the days.
Dick Gregory.
Remember his...
They gave him this dressing room.
This big.
He came with a sweater on a hanger.
And he hung it on the rack.
They each came with a sweater on a hanger.
And they're sitting there.
And they just sat in this room with this big closet.
There was nothing in there except one sweater.
On the rack.
And this big, long room.
And I thought...
I don't know if they're going to do it.
And I met them and said, okay, very, very nice.
And as soon as they hit that stage, boom!
Wow!
That was something, right?
Unbelievable.
To be right there, to be backstage.
It was a good crowd that night, too.
It was wonderful.
Mordsaw, Dick Gregory, you're never going to see that again.
You were the emcee.
You were the announcer.
And also, Mordsaw, Dick Gregory, and people, and one of these days, we really need to do a better...
There's a documentary on Bill Hicks.
And how these people...
Because today, there are people who are...
The notion about comedy and politics, it's been completely erased, thanks in great part to me!
I'm kidding.
But it's true.
Nobody wants to go see a political commentator.
They want to see just somebody...
And you can't...
You can't...
You can't write this stuff.
If I told you...
You're going to...
Imagine a comic or something.
He's been in a coma and he wakes up and he says, we have a president right now who is...
But they're pretending he's not.
And he is.
And everybody knows it.
You can't write this.
Now they're saying right now, I can't believe that you lied to the American people and said that Joe Biden...
Who didn't know this?
Can you believe it?
Who in the name of...
So anyway, what's everybody's doing?
Well, Howie Brown is listening to Mrs. Miller right now sing Yellow Subway.
And Hillbilly says that Dick Gregory had a big influence on him.
He really was something, Dick Gregory.
Dick Gregory was.
And we also saw in that little Off-Broadway place on the Off of...
Give me a hint.
There's been a lot of little off-Broadway places.
No, it's off of...
It's a church.
It's off of like...
Remember the time you went to the guy with the shoes?
We saw the gay story of the guy who had the special shoes.
Yes, with the different layers.
But what was the show that was there all the time?
It was there for years.
Anyway, this little thing we saw, it was called I'm Coming to Hear You.
It was an actor.
You've seen him before.
He's...
I don't really know what you're talking about.
We went to see a story about Dick Gregory.
Was it in that church?
In that church.
Oh, yeah.
It was excellent.
It was an actor.
It was a one-man show, and he was playing Dick Gregory.
Dick Gregory.
And it was something about his last words were, help me, I'm coming, or it was...
And that actor did a monologue.
I mean, it was just him on the stage, I think.
It's coming back to me.
Dick Gregory.
Remember his family?
He abandoned his family.
Turn Me Loose.
Turn Me Loose was...
When was that?
That's him.
2017?
I thought it was longer.
Joe Morton was his name.
Joe Morton.
It was...
At the same theater, I saw Gore Vidal there.
Did Trumbull.
I don't want to sound like the usual.
But there was so much great theater.
You could just...
Off-Broadway, little places.
Remember the one where...
Wasn't that at the church, though, Turn Me Loose?
That's the church.
I did the show there.
Right.
Wasn't the show...
You know about the dress?
About the black dress?
Oh, no.
And also Vagina Monologues was there, too?
Love Lost and What I Wore.
Yes, yes.
That was there.
But I did with...
From Hill Street Blues.
No, that's another one.
That's another one.
It's not that church?
That's not that church.
Because I'm thinking about it.
You're talking about Trevanti.
Yes, I'm thinking about it.
Who was vegan before it was cool.
I remember we took him in a vegan way.
I said, you want to eat this?
I couldn't believe it.
I said, oh my God.
How far we've come.
No, no.
It's a long time ago.
It's across the street from Esca.
Right there off of 8th Avenue is that little church.
It's on the side on 8th Avenue.
For the longest time...
For the longest time, it was the house, place, or whatever.
Anyway, it was a wonderful...
That's where Turn Me Loose was?
Yes.
Because I was with you, so I don't know about that.
It was that little church.
It was fantastic.
The little churches, actor studios in Hell's Kitchen, all of these little churches, saw a wonderful play with the fellow who, you know who plays Bookman?
The book detective in the library on Seinfeld.
That great actor.
Saw one with him.
We saw Linda Lavin once.
We saw Tyne Daly.
She was really good, that Linda Lavin.
Oh my God.
She was known in the theater community.
Also Hollywood.
She was a really hard-working, very serious, very nice, very generous, one of the few.
Really like that.
You wouldn't believe how many people she's worked with.
Liam Neeson and the Crucible and production.
All kinds of people.
I mean, all...
That was...
That is so gone right now.
I'm sorry.
I hate to say it.
There's really nothing...
That is gone.
What I experienced and to me that creativeness.
Well, when lawyers get involved and corporations take over Broadway and they've got the say...
And they don't have an ounce of creativity.
They ruin everything.
For years, he was in with Hairspray.
Hairspray changed everything.
John Waters is such a gentleman who did...
Very classy, John.
Not Xanadu.
John Waters?
Yeah.
Crybaby.
Crybaby.
John Waters is such a gentleman.
And with divine...
And he's not weird and creepy.
An absolute gentleman.
Carla says, did you ever see the Portuguese kid with Jason Alexander?
I have not.
Could be on the list.
I like the way you spell that, Portuguese.
Could be on the list.
I think it will be.
We've seen, I've seen, I think it was the last, I think ours was the last when we were, you were in the Broadway League for two years and voted.
We went to every, for two years.
I took it very seriously.
I know, but listen to this.
For two years, we went to see every play.
Every, I never knew how many there were.
Weekends, we would see, we would do two in a row on weekends.
I said, this is killing me.
Because I had to vote.
I know that.
And then most people would laugh at me and they'd be like, you actually go and see all the shows.
I'm like, yes, I'm not going to vote unless I see every show because most of them in the league.
I'm sorry.
They didn't see every show.
We saw it.
It was unbelievable when they, and our friend said this, when they removed the curtain and the proscenium, you know, when they just, you walk out and the curtains open, it changed everything.
The one that changed my life, the one I said, holy God, was Jerusalem with Mark Rylance.
Oh my, I've never, I've never, I've never seen that.
Like, Shakespearean acting.
It was a three-act play.
I think he won the Tony.
It was the most un...
People walked out of that thing just...
That was acting.
You know, it's also weird when you're watching a period piece and they have this one little very thin wall to Broadway or 40 whatever street and you hear sirens and people yell, get that motherly!
And it bleeds in to...
When we saw Al Pacino did Shylock or whatever.
He was a real spitter, too.
Oh!
Yelling.
We were in the front.
The spitting.
Saw him twice.
That and also Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.
I think he was in that one, too.
Yelling!
Oh, I saw him.
Salome.
Saw him with that.
What's her name?
The one from Vinny.
No, no.
My cousin Vinny.
Oh.
You know who she is.
I know who she is with the dark hair.
Marissa Tomei.
Marissa Tomei.
She's very good to me.
That was the most stupid thing.
She's very good.
Why are you yelling?
Because he has one act.
He has one tone.
But they're rising bitter.
But they're right.
But why are you yelling?
Didn't we see...
Who did we see Death of a Salesman?
Was it...
Brian Dennehy.
Brian Dennehy.
Whoa.
Unbelievable.
Those were...
Let me tell you something.
Those are actors.
Those...
Those were...
That was something where you never felt like chills when you go to see a movie.
Never!
And you never saw...
Those days are over.
There is nothing.
Maybe Hell's Kitchen, but it's too expensive.
Too ridiculous.
But think about it.
People can't...
Especially now, people are a little bit in fear of Broadway is driven by the tourists.
Basically.
The tourist trade.
And to come to park a car, now we've got a congestion tax that's starting on Sunday.
Tell them the story.
Go to dinner.
How much is each ticket?
Well, Hell's Kitchen, the ticket I looked at was $241.
So if two people go, you know, it's $500.
You've got taxes, you've got...
It's ridiculous.
Therefore, I did not go.
Nelson A. says, Off-Broadway, Slavis Snow Show.
Awesome?
Yes.
What does that mean?
That's the name of a show.
Slavis Snow Show?
Yes.
I think we were going to go once.
Oh, no.
We were going to go to the Brazilian Bubble Show.
And there's only one person in it.
Ages ago.
How about The Poetry of the Penis?
Remember that one?
I never saw that, but I saw pictures of it.
Now, that takes...
That's a creative mind.
That's creepy, though.
I'm sorry.
That is very creepy, and I don't want to talk about that on New Year's Eve.
I, one time, made up this story.
You know what poetry of the penis is?
He contorts and bends and stretches.
But it's a true story.
So what I did was I said, there is a...
And I made this up, but with a straight face, I said, there is an all-women's act where they use their own particular pudenda.
And they have ventriloquists who come and they play various people, Che Guevara, Castro, Willie Nelson, kind of like Senor Wences, to Volvar, whatever.
And I made this up, and people said, really?
So anyway, but it goes to show you, this is how demented we are, where that could even be possible.
You know, I remember, it just came back to me.
Don't mind us, we're just talking.
Yes, there was a construction site.
I think between 9th and 10th years ago on 42nd, I think.
And you know how they put the plywood up to block out the...
And they put the posters, even though it says do not post anything, but everybody always posts posters.
In one spot, there was a poster for Urinetown.
Remember that show?
Yes!
Puppetry of the penis and vagina monologues.
Whoa!
And I remember thinking...
What has the Broadway stage come to?
I forgot about that.
That was somewhat of a hit.
Undinism.
Urolagnia.
How about...
I want to just thank people for saying I saw some nice comments go by.
Thank you.
What?
I saw some nice comments go by.
Somebody asked about my skin.
Blue Man Tube.
Remember that one?
Very interesting.
Blue Man Group.
They actually just announced that it's closing.
It's got to be 25 years.
Is Tony and Tina's wedding still going on?
Remember that one?
They moved to Vegas as a permanent show, but I don't know if it's still in Vegas.
Hamilton?
I wouldn't go see Hamilton.
It has as much to do with Hamilton as I do.
Hamilton owned a slave.
He was against manumission.
This is such Book of Mormon.
I thought it was mocking Mormons.
Mormons didn't bother me.
You know, my take on that was during the Tony voting period.
We saw Book of Mormon because I remember when that was.
But guess what?
People in the audience, a lot of them, the tourists, people just didn't really understand the show.
I don't think they understood it, yeah.
I say that...
What's the word?
They just didn't...
They heard the show was good and funny and they should go.
I actually was, remember the show The Producers?
Yes, that was.
And people were like, it's so funny.
I actually saw a man fall out of his chair laughing so hard into the aisle.
It wasn't.
It wasn't that funny.
Not only that, you've seen it before.
Who's falling out of chairs into the aisle?
But you've seen it before.
A couple of times we went to the same movie, there was Bless Their Hearts, there were some...
Black citizens from, I don't know, maybe not from New York, they went to see, it was that Irish movie with Ian McShane or Ian or whatever, and they were saying, these ones had a fun take.
And they go, what the fuck?
They had no, they kept saying, what is the man saying?
But I was with them.
After five minutes, I tune out.
I couldn't understand him either.
This has no...
I'm barely...
I don't even understand this.
But they've never heard this.
This patois.
That was tough to understand.
That was rough.
That was only one we walked out on.
I think we left the intermission because I think I said to you, I have a headache.
I cannot...
And I never walk out on a show.
She tried to put flowers around your neck.
Don't touch me.
They jump off the stage and they're singing and jumping.
She tried to put flowers on me.
She ran to you to put the flowers on you.
You're like, do not touch me.
If you're going to San Francisco, put some flowers in my hair.
Carla says, YouTube might be the only reason we consider returning to New York City.
We'd love the chance to take you to Jean-Georges to try the best vegan cuisine the city has to offer.
I'll tell you where to go.
Not Jean-Jean, but that, and thank you.
Carla, that's a very incredible offer.
But that Madison, 111 Madison?
11 Madison.
11 Madison, that's the one.
It's like $300.
I didn't even know Jean-Georges was doing vegan.
Jean-Georges just opened up a new, oh no, Boulay, Boulay.
You're talking Jean-Georges von Gerichten.
He's up there at Trump Plaza, or Trump Tower.
But Boulay has a new steak place.
By the way, a little plant-based thing.
If you want to go, the best place for us to go?
Steakhouses.
Best sides there are.
And also, Carla, if you're in, if you ever come to New York, I'm telling you, the place you gotta go is Keene's Steakhouse.
It's 18-something.
Mutton.
I know you're gonna say, it's really something.
That is one of the neatest places.
Delmonico's downtown.
These old, old...
There's not that many left.
No.
The old PJ Clarks are still there.
With a urinal you can walk into.
I don't even know this, but in any event.
Let me see.
That's for another story.
Danny Aiello was great.
He was a nice...
I have a picture.
He came...
That's a great picture.
A picture of him at the cutting room.
Actually, I should frame that.
And he was looking like...
Somebody took that.
And he came up to me and said, he always thought I was a liberal.
I said, what are you talking about?
And I said, so finally we got him to come and he was so nice.
He was...
No, he wanted to come and he came.
But he sat there with his mouth open staring at you for two hours.
Because I...
You mesmerized him.
Two people...
Well, first of all, I gotta tell you this.
Danny Aiello.
Pat Cooper.
We loved him.
And the great Dick Capri just died.
Oh my goodness.
Dick Capri killed me.
Two people that made me laugh.
Robert Klein, who hates me, but his routine, he is a genius.
Child of the 50s is the greatest ever.
But he doesn't like my politics.
I don't care for him.
But Dick Capri, Dick Capri, Kill me.
One time, I was at the Friars Club doing a podcast with Pat Cooper, Dick Capri, and me.
Another time, too, where we had this joke-off, and I won the joke-off, and Alan King was the judge.
Those were...
They didn't do it.
Carla, Friars Club is gone.
Done.
They're going to sell it.
They have a...
Because I pass it frequently on 55th Street.
They have a big, fat, like, bicycle chain through the door handles with a big padlock on it, and there's a front window that's broken now, and it's dark and dingy, and it's just nothing there.
Pat Cooper, I told you the story, it was on the one or the nine, which is one of the, they got rid of the one or the nine, I haven't been to the subway, the nine, anyway, Uptown.
They got rid of the nine.
The nine.
Okay, so it's a one.
So anyway, I'm in there, and I look.
Oh, no, it's Pat Cooper.
And I just didn't feel like talking.
I just, it was a rough day.
And I'm kind of hiding.
And he was there, and he used to take the subway.
Whenever he would go on a show, he wouldn't take cars.
He took the subway.
I met him in the subway once.
He was a New Yorker.
He was a New Yorker.
I'm like, hey, Pat.
You go to Esposito down the street.
He was a real New Yorker.
Anyway, so these blackheads would come up and let me see.
Hey man, you got some money.
He goes, what is this?
You don't go up to somebody and go, hey man, give me that.
Let me show you how to do it.
And he's performing and these kids were laughing.
You go up to somebody and you gotta believe in yourself.
You go, hey, could you help me?
And people like clapping.
He was a natural.
He was something, right?
He was the sweetest.
I have a tape of him yelling on the phone.
I recorded it.
Talking about Toadie Fields and Jerry Vale.
I never understood the...
Oh my God.
Just don't ever say those names in front of him.
Toadie Fields, Jerry Vale, and also Lola Fulana.
Oh my God.
Don't ever say Lola Fulana.
Do me a favor.
When you're done with us tonight, when you're done, make sure you go to YouTube, of course.
Look at Pat Cooper with Tom Snyder.
The famous Tom Snyder goes, Lola Falana, my wife is sending me, I don't eat your food.
I'm not even sure what Pat was saying, because his anger, his anger.
Something happened there, I'm not sure.
But this neatest gentleman, we went to a place called Promola, and he too was going to say, we're taking our E2E, and I thought I'd be a sport, and I gave the guy the card and said, send the bill to me.
I thought...
And I'm not exaggerating.
You were there.
I thought Pat Cooper was going to kill me.
He's like 6 '2".
He was big.
Big!
He was a bricklayer and was a kid.
He's always physical.
I thought he was going to kill me.
I thought this is what murder looks like.
This is what, when people look into the eyes of a killer, but the sweetest man, and towards the end when he was...
You know, we'd talk on the phone.
You just...
You reminisced.
You gave them happy moments.
You reminisced.
Those people were just my heroes.
I told you I meant Will Jordan.
Remember, this is a neighborhood.
Just people that I grew up with, because you've got to understand, growing up in Florida, we didn't have theater.
To me, my heroes were people like Mike Douglas and Merv Griffin and those people.
I used to watch a guy named Monty Alexander play piano on Merv Griffin.
And I got to meet him and know him.
Again, I lost a lot of these people because of the politics.
I did.
But when it was okay, I got to meet the people that were just...
And musicians killed me.
We saw Bobby Caldwell at Blue Note.
What you won't do for love?
He died too.
He was incredible.
Anyway, enough of that.
Who else is there?
Pasquale Caputo.
He was the most wonderful.
Pasquale Caputo, this fellow, Maniscalco, Sebastian Maniscalco, granted, he's got a different shtick, but the original Italian, he goes, I thought these people, he goes, when I was a kid, my father called me retardo.
Why do you laugh?
Why do you make people laugh?
He says, to me, Milton Berle, that was a hero.
If I was Jewish, he loved it.
God bless the Jewish people.
They treated the comedians like geniuses.
Me and my father was, why do you laugh?
You're retarded.
I guess from his point of view.
But he said, all the people I thought were Italian.
They're Jewish.
Tony Martin, Jewish.
And he was.
And the pictures, now that we saw, was, look at this.
A Celebration of Life, Pat Cooper.
We just did that fairly quickly.
Italian American Museum down in the village opened.
With Emily.
We got him.
With his wife, Emily.
With him.
Here he is with Judy Garland, Sammy Davis.
I mean, this guy was...
I loved him.
I miss those kind of people.
Remember Toadie Fields?
Oh, yes.
I remember her girlfriend when I was a kid, and then she had to get her leg.
Yeah, right.
Amputated.
I think both of them.
Diabetes or something.
Yeah, yeah.
She was wonderful.
Remember Hermione Gingold?
Oh, that's how, as a kid, I watched everybody.
Brother Theater was off-Broadway.
He had to think, I don't even know how the guy was doing.
But that's how I learned a lot from Merv Griffin and Mike Douglas.
Me and Professor Erwin Corey?
Who was?
I think we went to his 100th birthday party?
Down in Chelsea, we went to a party.
He was worth a fortune.
Yeah.
When he was young, he bought houses that are, now they're cow houses, or were, but he was one of the, he was the one who started off always with, however, honey, we've been talking for an hour and ten.
Oh my goodness.
I'm sorry.
We forgot where we were.
We reminisced.
We're supposed to be talking to you, and you see what we do?
No, but let's ask everybody.
But you know why?
Put their thoughts in.
You know why?
Because I like her.
I love her, of course, but I like her.
Not always.
What?
No.
What?
But we can talk about it's the same generation.
But we talk about a lot of stuff.
And we live in two different parts of the country, but it was the same generation, the same...
It's so important to find somebody you really like.
I mean, do you really like your spouse?
You've got to ask yourself, do you really like them?
Are they the only people you really want to be with?
Do you?
Can you really say this?
Don't get your hand.
No, but I'm saying...
Let me say something, though.
We also very much are two peas in the pod.
We can talk about everything from politics.
I don't like that word politics, but we can talk about all of that.
Also, all of things I work with, you know, with the Warriors and with, you know, I talk to you about a lot of stuff, national security, kids, all kinds of things happening in Washington, Albany, and you very much...
Help me with all of that.
You're very understanding and you give me a lot of empowerment.
And I thank you for that.
Oh, I love you.
Carla says, book New York City coming to the cutting room.
Look at this.
We're going to party like it's 1999, which makes no sense.
Remember that?
1999?
That's like the name of the book.
Well, it's 1984.
What does that mean?
I used to watch I Love Lucy as a kid.
There was an episode with little Ricky and it was something like he's graduating from college and I don't know, 1974 or 84. And I remember thinking, wow, that's like, it might have been 84. No, it couldn't have been.
Probably 74. I thought that was so far away.
Do you remember the great Candid Camera?
Do you remember?
I watched them on YouTube.
YouTube is it for me.
And the original Candid Camera.
And I kind of got a flavor for New York and whatever, because I would have loved, I liked old.
New York Old.
And of course, there was this one guy, Alan Funt said, remember Durwood Kirby later, but Alan Funt said, they walked into a little diner off Broadway.
And all of the people in there, people sitting in the booth, the people on the counter, were all musicians and singers on Broadway.
Musicians, dancers, but they were all hidden away.
And there was one spot to sit.
At the front, and this guy comes in, and there's a two-way mirror, and they're filming him.
So you just see him, and he's just looking at you.
And so Alan Fund, nobody knew who he was, says, hey pal, you're looking kind of down today.
He says, well, he's got his coffee.
He says, well, you know.
You know how they were pouring this, that thing with the little lid?
Just pouring the way we would drink coffee and sugar.
Well, I'm okay.
He says, you know what you need, my friend?
You need a song.
Hit it!
And all of a sudden, people jumped up, trombones, drums, they were dancing on them, and he, deadpan, looked straight, and the only thing I think he did was he kind of looked like, what the hell?
And they go, Grace Isaac, I'm going to clear up!
But unhappy!
But he, it, and I remember as a kid, seeing this, And I knew.
I got it.
The humor was understated.
I was, my mother and I, roaring.
I said, look at this.
And I would think about the idea of he walks in and there was a full, anyway.
Am I nostalgic?
The same way people are nostalgic about Mozart.
The same way people are nostalgic about Shakespeare.
This was classic.
These were the greatest.
We're lucky we lived through all that.
We saw that as kids.
But not everybody, not all of our friends appreciated it because we were, I think, kind of old souls.
We were old souls as kids.
Because when I was a kid, my parents never said, go talk with the kids.
I always sat with the old people.
I just listened to them.
I learned a lot.
Anyway, that's enough.
But also, I used to watch all those shows.
You know, like Marcus Welby is a kid.
Oh, yeah.
And Consuela.
Little kids watching Marcus Welby, Mannix.
James Brolin.
Those kind of shows.
And Gail Fisher.
San Francisco is one of my favorites.
Gail Fisher.
This was a black.
Gail was Peggy.
This was huge.
It doesn't seem like much.
Conrad.
Remember Joseph Conrad?
William Conrad with Cannon?
We thought he was so fat.
He's still on MeTV because I watch it still sometimes.
He's got that big Lincoln Mark IV.
And then the one I couldn't figure out is Barnaby Jones with his little microscope.
What was that?
He had a little gun.
The shows are still all on me TV.
If you're outsmarted by Barnaby Jones, Jed Clampett figured you out.
The police can't find the serial killer, but Barnaby Jones and Lee Merriweather, who was Miss America, remember that?
His daughter-in-law?
Yes.
I think his son died or whatever it is.
Don't mind us.
We're just, you know.
In any event, Gunsmoke, Adam12, Swat Me TV.
Those are the shows.
Wonderful.
Absolutely.
Look at this.
I still drink Chock Full of Nuts coffee.
They still sell.
Chock Full of Nuts was the only coffee.
There was no...
A coffee shop was a little...
meant a little mini diner.
A sandwich shop.
It didn't mean...
You go in to get coffee.
It was 8 o 'clock coffee.
I think it was like A&P, 8 o 'clock coffee.
You know what?
I only had one time.
My friend Joe's mother.
One time in my life.
Instant coffee.
One time.
Like Taster's Choice?
Folgers or something.
Yeah, something.
No.
No.
Freeze-dried.
Remember when it came out?
You ban.
Remember you ban?
I know.
I forgot about it until you mentioned it.
Remember dragging it?
Only the facts, ma 'am.
Gina, did you know that Joe Friday never did this?
That that was Stan Freeberg.
And Stan Freeberg was doing a bit where he said, just the facts, ma 'am, just the facts.
Joe Friday never said that.
Just like Play It Against Sam and all the other stuff.
Joe Friday, my friend Mark Barrow in Tampa, was...
He's, I think, one of the naturally funniest persons.
We used to do, he could recite all of the Joe Friday speeches.
True story by Mark Barrow.
Mark Barrow, for the longest time, he was on WFLA, he was a radio announcer, he was a high lie, he called high lie at the time, and he had either diabetes or something, and he was blind.
I mean blind, blind, blind.
And he's married to a, I sure still is, to a lovely black woman, and You'll find out why that's important.
So anyway, they did some kind of surgery.
He's in this room.
They're taking the bandages off.
This is almost like Hollywood.
And they're taking her and there's doctors in there, you know, does this work for this kind of laser surgery for, you know, diabetes or retinopathy or whatever it is.
And they take it off and he's there and his wife is there and they said, Mark, everybody's here.
Your family, your wife.
And he turns to his wife and he says, you're black?
It was the funniest moment.
She goes, oh Mark, please.
When you think about it, these doctors were thinking, what is going on?
Do you understand how funny that is?
Life doesn't give you, it's genius.
It's absolute genius.
And they're looking at me.
I think you're a genius.
Well, I must have been.
How did I kiss you?
His glasses.
All right, my friends.
Well, you know what?
The best music did come out.
Those theme songs of a lot of those 70s and even 80s, even 90s.
You know why they don't have theme songs now?
Because it was self-advertising time.
Now it was...
What's that?
That's what?
NYPD booth?
That's the song.
And the old ones, half of the show was up.
Here's the story.
Of a lovely lady.
Come on, let's go.
And there was Jerry, who married Mary.
And then World War II.
Enough!
Come on, let's go with this song.
And then there were these long...
Don't have those kind of songs.
Remember Gilligan's Island when they went from the movie star and the rest.
Wait a minute.
This was the first time.
And the rest?
And then they switched to the Professor and Marianne.
Remember?
It was and the rest.
How did they?
Do they have agents?
And the rest?
In fact, Don Wells, who used to live near a beach, used to come to WFLA, and I said, I've got to ask you this question about and the rest.
What are you, the rest?
That annoyed me as a child.
And they said, remember asking yourself this question?
Why can't they get off?
Why can't the professor make a transmitter?
Why?
Honey.
There'd be no more show.
Ida Lupino found it.
There'd be no Sherwood Schwartz.
Carla, the cooking CEO, we love you immensely.
Thank you so much.
Carla's coming to New York to see the show.
We're going to shut down 30 seconds, right?
30 seconds.
Between Park and Met.
Nelson, a thank you so much.
Bridget Szymanski, George Lenz, thank you.
Tony Dash, Pilgrim Media, Cut Up Chatter.
What a day.
Well, this is almost it, my friends.
We are almost done with this thing called...
Isn't it exciting?
2025.
2025 is here.
And it's going to be a great year.
And you know why?
Because let me tell you something.
Because this president, and I can't believe I'm even seeing this, but this president is going to destroy these people.
There's going to be a bump in the road.
Great.
That's what shock absorbers are for.
There's going to be some rough patches.
Great.
That's what moisturizer is for.
We're not giving up.
We fought like mad to get to where we are.
Imagine somebody tuning in right now.
Just right this moment.
They're saying, what the hell is this?
What is this?
It is New Year's Eve.
What is this guy talking about?
He's blind.
He's black.
But you know what?
We really do have to thank everybody.
These wonderful supporters, wonderful...
Members of the Lionel Nation family, the Lynn's Warriors family, for all of their support.
Just being here.
I know this sounds corny.
We're a family.
Very dysfunctional family.
We're not corny.
And more people should be like us and be corny.
You know when people say, we've got to go home because we've got a show at 7. You do a show?
On what?
They make it sound like it's on YouTube.
Do people watch?
No, I just talk to myself.
No, there's nobody watching.
You ask people to watch.
What channel is it?
I said, look, forget it.
No, no, I want to watch.
And you have to explain it.
And what do you talk about?
Somebody asked you the other day, they said something like, I'm trying to think what it was, how do you write all of your shows?
I said, write.
We don't write anything.
By the way, have you noticed, do you see this kind of as a...
That's an Abraham Lincoln kind of hat, isn't it?
It's a little bit.
It's weird.
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of an Abraham Lincoln.
But there we were the other day, you know, with all this H-1B business.
We went right up there on 9th Avenue.
You saw our good friend.
No, we want to support him.
He said, oh my God.
They had everything.
Make America great again.
He had a lot of Trump merchandise.
2005, take it, take it.
And he said, these people are coming.
And he was so nice.
And he had this nice store.
And I said, we've got to stick together.
I thought he was going to cry.
Yes.
I said, we're here for you.
We were giving him a pep speech.
Oh, yeah.
I said, you make America great.
This guy's working his ass off.
You're making America great.
Right.
Because the rent for this place, he's busting his ass.
I don't even know.
How many t-shirts and bubble eyes is he selling?
Glasses like this.
Really?
How does he pay the rent?
I don't know.
But in any event, but listen, all kidding aside.
Thank you.
We love you.
This is going to be...
Ending the year and going into the new year.
I can't wait.
I cannot wait.
And I want somehow just...
I'm ready.
Again, we have been through such...
We have kind of like just had each other just to look.
I thought you were wearing a fez.
I can't do it without the fez on.
Oh, no.
One of those obscure...
Steely Dan songs.
But seriously, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
This is it, my friends.
So tonight, try to watch The Ball.
You can always tape it.
No, you gotta be there for that countdown.
Ten, nine, eight.
No, go to sleep and set the alarm.
You gotta see it.
Then you can go to sleep.
It doesn't matter tomorrow.
It holds no weight if you watch it tomorrow.
I don't know what we're going to do in the morning.
We'll get together.
Thank you.
Thank you for following Mrs. Alpha Lens Warriors.
Thank you very much for that.
Also, who's our friend who was feeling better with her?
Jerry.
Jerry, we love you.
We're sending you great thoughts, positive energy to you because you're part of the group, part of the family.
You are it.
You are it.
I miss Guy Lombardo.
Yep.
Please try to see the documentary on Guy Lombardo.
You won't.
Oh, that was shockingly surprising.
He was a speedboat racer.
I mean, he was a restaurant owner.
Unbelievable.
Multiple businesses.
Absolutely.
But who knew?
But we were kids when we used to watch that.
Look at this.
There's Sadie.
Is that a great name, Sadie?
Love Sadie.
Is that terrific?
That's a good name.
See, Sadie could never, Sadie could never like, you could never be a serial killer.
Not with that picture.
You know how some people have pictures?
Like, if you have a bad picture, that's the one they're going to use.
If something happens, like, you know, police are looking for Sadie.
People say, oh, let her go.
She didn't hurt anybody.
I've got more bad...
Can you imagine this?
If this is our picture, police are asking for your help in the location of this couple.
Well, your license alone.
The body and client of the west side.
Can you imagine?
We get pulled over.
Yeah.
Officer, I know what you're thinking.
But we're as sober as a judge, which makes no sense if you've known judges like I have.
In any event, all right, dear friends, we love you.
Have a great and a glorious day.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
We love you so much.
And until next time, remember, the monkey's dead.
The show's over.
Sue you.
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