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Oct. 22, 2024 - Lionel Nation
01:32:25
MAGA at McDonalds's: The Greatest Political Strategy in the History of American Politics
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Buckle up, my friends.
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I've got stuff for you that you're just going to say, what?
WTF, ladies and gentlemen.
WTF.
I think you know what that means.
I think you know what that means.
We're not talking wrestling, not the WTF.
No, no.
You know what I mean.
I think you know what I mean.
It's a family show, but I think you want...
This is the whole thing.
What?
Tonight, get ready.
Sit back.
I got my Trump 2020 mug.
I got that out of retirement.
It's a museum piece.
That's the one where he learned his lesson.
Whoa!
The Trump you see now ain't the Trump from before.
As Mrs. L was saying just now, before we started, how would you know this?
He said, you know, when he was doing that barbershop routine, the barbershop episode, stop.
With Lawrence, by the way, Lawrence Jones or whatever his name is from Fox, that was very, huh?
Lawrence Jones was very good.
My stock, his stock in my book has gone up.
And by the way, I changed my, if somebody changes who they are, I'll tell you exactly, exactly who's good.
I don't really care about individual folks who are commenting.
I mean, they comment.
So what?
The guy sits on the couch.
What the hell do I care?
But they brought up a very good point.
They said, what did you learn from last time, Ms. President?
What did you learn?
He said, look, he says, I'm from New York.
I'm in the real estate.
I don't know.
I went there.
He says, I hired a bunch of people that I thought would do something good for me, that they would help me, that they'd watch my back.
Remember that Mike, what was his name?
Tillotson or whatever.
He said, Condoleezza Rice suggested him.
They're from the old school, and they double-crossed him.
Mattis, Kelly, all those military types double-crossed him.
Double-crossed him.
He says, but now I know.
We were at an event the other day.
We're having a little party and somebody said, yeah, I think Mike Pompeo would be a good job.
I said, what are you kidding me?
What?
Mike Pompeo?
Nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about.
Mike Pompeo?
Oh, for the love of God.
Some military industrial complex neocon?
No!
You want to play that game?
You want to turn the keys over to NATO again?
Are you kidding me?
No, wait.
This is what I'm talking about.
This is what I'm talking about.
These are the same people who said, oh, the other day we got a big celebration for Miranda Devine.
Would you stop with this?
Hunter Biden is walking.
Walking.
Nothing happened to him.
What are you people doing?
We'll talk about that.
Let's talk about that in a moment.
My friends, first things first.
Friday, Saturday night, October the 26th at the Cutting Room.
You and me, my friends, whoa!
Whoa!
At the Cutting Room.
Tickets available right here.
Go to the description section right there.
You got that?
You got that?
It's going to be a barn burner.
I don't even know what to tell you.
I'll probably quote write this that morning because I don't know what's going to happen.
This McDonald's thing has taken on a life of its own.
We'll get to that in a moment.
Let me ask you a question.
If you are one of the thousands if not millions of smart Americans who have gone to PrepareWithLionel.com And prepare to build your bunker, your emergency food survival bunker, your food ammo vault, your cache, not cache of weapons, your cache of weapons.
This is food.
This is to live during...
I don't have to go.
You don't want me to go through the possibility.
You don't need me to say, well, here's what could go wrong.
Listen and listen good, my friends.
Listen and listen good.
Prepare with Lionel.com.
If you dare trust these people, FEMA, weather, NOAA, civil defense, local authorities, the federal government, you are out of your mind.
And remember, the longshoremen just temporarily suspended their strike.
They didn't settle anything.
And those are classic Democrats.
Democrats.
All labor has been demo since day one.
Prepare with Lionel.com.
Do it now.
Start in increments, but do it now.
Okay, get ready, dear hearts.
I've got so much stuff for you.
Oh, I don't even know.
Let me start off with this premise.
Let me see if I can explain this to you.
Let me see if we can start off with this, and then maybe, maybe you can understand.
Maybe, maybe you can help maybe grasp, grasp what we're talking about.
These people don't get it.
Mrs. Dal and I were talking about this before.
She says, you know, it's almost as though people think they're just cool.
And they don't have to worry about the rules.
And they don't, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Shecky Keene, was it Noah in charge of the ark?
Very good.
Very good.
They think they're just cool.
They think that whatever they do, it'll just work.
They've got a bunch of, I'm sorry, a bunch of spinster cat ladies with no sense of humor running the show.
Who think DEI is cool.
And let's bring out Emhoff's daughter.
That one.
The model.
We'll talk about her in a moment.
She'll be great.
She'll help with the younger kids.
This weird scarecrow with the cats and the model.
Look, I don't know what to say.
Even Kemala's sister they're keeping under wraps.
You notice that one?
Maya, whatever they're keeping her up.
The husband, he's going to rank in the administration because she was such a lefty before.
They don't understand it.
She thinks she can lie.
She also doesn't understand the power of the internets.
Did you see this?
Check out the president in his plane with these youngsters.
Look at this moment.
She did do a lot of great things.
Watch.
Oh.
That's Kamala's greatest achievements.
That's very good.
I love it.
You're always working.
I'll show it to him.
That's good.
That's very good.
Oh, every single achievement.
How does this man do it?
78 years old.
I go on a plane and I gotta go to an emergency room for three days just to recover from the pressurization.
How does this man do it?
How does he do it?
How does he do it?
Ladies and gentlemen, George Keene, the master of the one-liner, says Doug's daughter is model weirdo.
Ladies and gentlemen, quick, to the point, decisive, surgical.
The wit, the wisdom, the laser-like humor quotient.
Did you get today's newsletter?
Not even a newsletter.
It was a letter.
Did you get them?
Have you signed up for that, folks?
Have you signed up for that?
Have you signed up?
Are you getting my stuff?
The prose?
The writing style?
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
Nobody writes like this.
Let me make sure you get a copy of that one.
Make sure.
Just go online.
There's always...
Look, there's so much stuff to give you.
I'm always giving you.
And you know what else?
Did I tell you?
We've got mugs for sale.
Mugs!
Mugs!
Brand new!
Mugs!
Go to the shopping section.
Go to the front page.
Go to the store.
That's right.
Go to the store.
Mugs!
I'll be starting out with one.
I don't want to load you up this stuff.
The Lionel Nation on YouTube, the new official mug, be the first in your neighborhood to say, wait a minute, I stand for something a little bit different, okay?
So let's talk about this.
Great.
Here's another one.
Somebody somewhere, some old maid cat lady, isn't that terrible?
I don't care.
It makes them upset.
Whatever makes them upset, that's what we call them.
Somebody who likes DEI.
Somebody who thinks a lot of weird tattoos are great.
Kamala went out with Liz Cheney.
Liz Cheney looked like her goldfish died.
She walks around like a complete...
I don't know what the word is.
She's just this thing.
This crone.
This termagant.
This virago.
This...
I don't even know.
Look at this.
Look at this funny man.
I was mugged by Lionel and all I got was this cup.
Ladies and gentlemen, the humor quotient is so deadly.
Please, let me just tell you something.
People with pacemakers and lactating women should be advised before listening to George Keene's wit.
It's scintillating.
It goes into the soul and cores it out like a brush.
Okay.
Thank you, George.
Imagine you're unsure.
You're unsure.
Maybe I'll vote for her, maybe not.
I don't know.
And then you see this, to put you over the edge.
In many ways, Donald Trump is an unserious man.
But the consequences of him being president of the United States are brutally serious.
From the woman who laughs.
Like a fool.
Look at Liz's face.
Look at this.
Look at this face.
Look at this.
She's listening to her.
Now look at this face.
Liz breaks the fourth wall.
Can you believe this?
Look at this.
She's looking at the crowd like, anybody buying this?
It will be the subject of skits.
And laughter and jokes.
Jokes.
Me.
One more time.
One more time.
In many, many ways, Donald Trump is an unserious man.
He's unserious.
The consequences of him being president of the United States are brutally serious.
Watch the look.
Look at this look.
Look at the look.
There are things that he says that will be the subject of skits.
Skits.
Spetches.
Laughter.
Comedy.
These little routines.
This man, who dares to laugh, to cacinate, to chortle, And to guffaw, to laugh, to titter.
Not like I do.
When I do, it's serious.
It's the serious...
Can you believe this?
Ladies and gentlemen from Parts Unknown, way to know them.
You know them, you love them.
Number 16 in your program, number 1 in your heart.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for poverty recording artist, Sparky.
Who says, Pompeo is one of those religious apocalypse accelerationist nuts.
What did you say the official name for that was?
Ah, yes.
Eschatologist.
The end of times.
Don't forget, scatology.
Eschatology.
Scatological.
But end of times.
Lizzo Cheney.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are not worthy of this man's wit.
Lizzo Cheney, hello!
Hello!
Brad Rung says, it was right down the street from me at the People's Light.
It holds only 175 people.
Barely any security there and was a complete joke on the main line.
What was right down the street from me at the People's Light?
What was?
I'm sorry.
Was this Lizzo?
I love that Lizzo.
George Keene says, KH can really fillet-o-fish it out.
I'm telling you, you're killing us.
We may not laugh now.
We may not laugh now.
But later on tonight, 2, 3 in the morning, it's going to hit us.
And we're going to roll out of bed.
We're going to puke.
We're going to be laughing so hard.
Crypto Domini said, she looks like dick but a cat lady.
I think he's trying to do it.
She looks like this bitusa.
Which is like, the word in Sicilian means smelly, but it's like, somebody's like, eww.
In Cuba, it's called a pesado.
It's like, bitter.
You've got a funja face, like a mushroom face.
Brad Rung says, Kamala and Liz, I was in the parking lot to see.
Oh!
Sparky says, I'm not questioning the integrity of Kamala's virtue.
I'm just asking, why does she have landing lights on her thigh?
Ladies and gentlemen, stop it!
Stop it.
Hold it.
You're trying to suggest to she be a hoe.
Am I getting this right?
No, no, no.
Listen, we're adults.
Are you intimating, Sparky?
Are you intimating, suggesting, or otherwise insinuating that she is like Olio, the low price spread?
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
Did I say that?
You know, Kamala is rotten to the core, but wonderful to the infantry.
Stop it.
I gotta stop.
That's wrong.
That's wrong.
Just because she runs through the La Quinta yelling, girly, girly, cheap, banging on doors, I've got to stop this.
McDonald.
Thank you, Teresa Skinner.
Thank you.
She got it down.
She got it down.
Got it down, my friends.
Look at this one.
You're going to love this.
You're going to love this.
Kamala Harris is a liar.
She never worked for us.
Vote for Donald Trump.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH This makes more sense than anything else.
You don't understand this.
See, you don't understand.
They got that Caitlin Collins.
She looks like a...
Talk about a fitusa.
Talk about a funja face.
Talk about the facha de funja.
Funja.
Bruta.
Just harsh.
Angry.
Pissed off.
Just miffed.
Miffed.
She looks like she's just waiting.
She took something and she's waiting for it to react.
Like, we're going to give you this syrup of Ipecac.
We'll get the emesis basin.
She's talking about stuff like, do you think that basically Elon Musk, who's offering a million dollars?
Shut up!
Nobody cares!
YouTube Stooks says, we all thought Kamala was a hooker.
Judge Joe Brown just confirmed it.
Judge Joe Brown, he's got a little bit...
I think Judge...
I think it broke his heart or something.
Wait, Judge Joe Brown has way of talking like...
I love that routine.
Okay, my friends.
Let's get down to business.
You ready to get freaked out?
Listen to this.
Somebody says, hey, let's bring out AOC.
This is a girl known as Sandy.
She was the hostess at the...
Where was she?
Union Square Cafe?
Union Square Coffee Shop.
She was the waitress.
The hostess named Sandy.
She's from Westchester.
She's got that.
Look at this.
Cut Up Chatter says, as I listen, that teacher we hit with spitwatch comes to mind.
Indeed.
By the way, we got your stuff.
We're going to be writing to you soon, Missy.
Thank you from the heart.
Beautiful, beautiful, kind and loving soul.
Thank you.
So what do we do?
Let's bring in AOC.
That'll do it.
I'm making up my mind.
I'm not sure whom I'm going to vote for.
I'm not sure.
I don't know.
Maybe who I...
Give me a sign.
Liz Cheney?
Eh.
I don't know.
Liz O. Cheney?
Nah.
That didn't work.
Baby Trump?
Nah.
Joy Behar?
Nah.
We'll get to that in a moment.
I know.
AOC.
See how this moves your needle.
Donald Trump putting on a little McDonald's costume because he thinks that's what people do.
Well, they do.
They're not trying to empathize with us.
They are making fun of us.
Donald Trump thinks that people who work at McDonald's are a joke.
Elon Musk thinks that dangling money in front of a working person is a cute thing to do.
Wait a minute.
Well, let's talk about this, honey.
Sit down, honey.
Let Uncle Lenny set you free, okay?
Set you free and straighten you out, okay?
What happens when Zuckerberg gives Zucker bucks and George Soros and all those other people?
What happens when you give literally, literally Endless, just money in those cards.
Those cards that you give to people.
This is a woman, by the way, who stood in front of the...
She talked about making fun of us.
She stood in front of that...
Remember that fence crying?
It was the wrong fence.
Remember that one?
This is a woman who...
I mean, this is a woman who was serious about this.
But when the, how do I say this?
When the folks on her side hands out money, George Soros, that son, the son who's gonna marry, the one who is engaged to Uma, Huma, engaged, yeah, right, okay, sure, I'm buying that, absolutely.
You know, engaged.
Maybe George Clooney can bring your wife, and maybe Cindy Crawford can bring Randy, and everybody else.
You know, the usual, maybe Tampon Timmy can do his hand dance.
You know how it is.
You know.
Maybe Doug, maybe the wife guy can do his thing.
And then I went spin class.
When he slapped the hell out of this woman, when he was trying to be, I mean, when he was dating, when he was trying to put on, is this how men act?
Is this the way to do it?
What do I do?
I don't know what I'm doing.
George Keene, ladies and gentlemen, the wit says, serious ask, will DJT do a welfare check on Drudge?
Drudge is nowhere to be found, probably spent, either they had the goods on him, And just took the site or made a lot of do-re-mi.
Sparky says, no matter what their wealth, lack of wealth, or social classes, some people are better at connecting with others.
Trump is blessed with that skill.
You're right about that.
You're absolutely right.
Some people can do it.
George Keene says, do you think Bob Dole took a DS payout to lose in 1996?
No.
No, I think that kind of came naturally.
Leslie Watson says, AOC didn't pay for her dress or ticket to the gala.
That's right.
And she was also, you know how her story was.
She was picked.
Anyway, we'll talk about that.
But this is AOC.
Somebody said, let's pick her.
This will help.
AOC is a great, she's a great choice for this.
She's really good.
Now remember, we have this thing called the internets.
And for some reason, our side does it a hell of a lot better than their side.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
How about AOs, excuse me, how about that gay mala connecting with the young folks with this beaut?
I know this is a controversial topic for many of us.
I love Gen Z. I love Gen Z. She is so, just, there is not the slightest authentic tone in her body.
I'll tell you, and I know this is a controversial topic for many of us, I love Gen Z. Because we have Gen Zs in our lives.
We have kids who are Gen Zs.
It can be complicated.
You've got a stepdaughter who's like 35 years old, who I think, and that's about it.
And I don't know how close you are with old Madame de Fowler over there, you know, with the Doc Martens and the tats and the cataract glasses.
But, I mean, if that's your connection, okay.
I love Gen Z. And it's a specific phase of life.
I'm sorry.
I love Gen Z. And it's a specific phase of life.
Remember, age is more than a chronological fact.
What else do we know about this population, 18 through 24?
They are stupid.
That is why we put them in dormitories.
And they have a resident assistant.
They make really bad decisions.
She has no idea what else she's talking about.
She has no idea.
Ladies and gentlemen, Sparky says Israel has killed many more Americans than Iran has.
Remember the USS Liberty?
Oh, let me tell you something.
Sparky?
Sparky, the other day, you would have loved this.
What about the Hannibal directive?
Kamala married her APAC handler.
You know, it certainly is not without the realm of possibility.
You see, Sparky, the other day, you would have loved this.
I'm at an event and somebody says to me, you know...
And I said, you know, the problem that the Democrats are going to have, and that I would exploit if I were worried about getting, is make sure the Democrats, the Democrats who are strongly, almost, almost, I say this almost, real Democrats, real progressives, real libs, are pro-Palestinian, certainly not pro-Israeli in terms of support.
And providing seemingly endless billions of dollars.
And that picture of Sinwar that everybody's laughing about, this is not a good...
They don't understand it.
They don't understand it.
They think Hamas, Iran, when you say that to a lot of these people, people that I'm talking to, they think this is tantamount to saying, I don't know what.
I said, do you...
Do you think that Iranian and Lebanese and Houthis, do you think they're evil or crazy?
What do you think they're going to do about this?
And what do you think this is going to play in terms of pivoting and dealing with huge factions of the Democratic Party when they realize that Joe Biden basically was, he made...
He said specifically, I am a Zionist.
He didn't just really say, I'm a support.
He went, who was it?
Was it Menachem Begin or somebody who said, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
Something tells me Trump is going to say something to the effect of, all right, that's enough.
Adelson, be damned, that's enough.
Now we are getting so dangerously near the abyss and point of no return.
So anyway, as I'm explaining to this, I'm sitting around this table and these folks are looking at me like, what are you talking about?
And I realized just then, don't even bother.
Don't bother.
Because this subject has been kept so out of the mainstream.
Look, they're still talking about Hunter Biden's laptop.
This is where these folks are.
George Keene says to Sparky, what about our accidental downing of Iran air by USS Vincennes in the 1980s and the mysterious death of its captain?
I assume revenge by Iran?
Well, what do you think Lockerbie was?
Remember the whole Lockerbie?
What do you think Lockerbie was?
What was that about?
What was the whole Lockerbie?
I mean, nobody ever wants to go.
Remember the Lockerbie story?
Remember how they connected it to Gaddafi?
They had to point it to somebody.
At the time, we were trying to It was Iran basically getting back.
And there was, if I remember the story, please forgive me.
They said, we've got to pin it on somebody.
So they picked Gaddafi, who just wanted to sell oil and I think his son was trying to negotiate a movie about him or something.
Remember the story how they said they went to a haberdasher?
That the bomber, the guy that eventually had prostate cancer and they let go, they wrapped the bomb in a shirt.
And from this fragment of the shirt that they found from thousands of feet after it descended and was blown up, this fragment they took to a store.
The haberdasher and said, do you recognize this?
Oh, yes!
And I know who I sold this to.
I mean, it is a story.
I remember one time doing it on TV and everybody's jaw dropped.
So you've got to realize that when you talk to people, they're going to say, well, I don't understand.
Remember that.
Remember how I am.
Iranian people.
One time, I'll never forget, somebody that was a friend of mine, Iranian, he says, can you track your family's seven, eight generations?
You know, down to the...
Not really.
He said, we can't.
Very different.
They're not Arabs.
They're Persian.
Don't forget Perseus.
Don't forget the whole nation.
Oh, I don't want to go through this stuff.
The history is beautiful.
Fun fact, in 1492, the Ottoman Empire sent ships to rescue Hughes from the Spanish Inquisition.
Contrary to popular belief, Muslims and Hughes have not been fighting each other for thousands of years.
Oh, I agree.
I agree 100%.
George Keene says, USS Liberty Captain has Medal of Honor won and the advisory can't be mentioned.
Lockerbie was odd.
USA killed his son in the reprisal.
I remember, I've got to go back, there was something, the story of Lockerbie was just beautiful.
Ali North, the Mute Marine.
Oh, Ali North, sorry, excuse me.
Now we're just throwing names out.
But remember, it's fascinating.
All I know is that conservatives Don't know anything about history or what's happening now.
George Keene says, why did Carter let the Shah be taken out?
Now you can tell you, we are paying for it decades later.
Taken out?
The Shah taken out?
You mean, why did they escape?
Why did they rescue him?
Richard Nixon was absolutely adamant about the necessity to support the Shah.
Even after 1953 in Mossadegh, when we basically, through Kermit Roosevelt, ceded that coup.
Oh, we can go on.
Look, you've got to see me.
I sit at tables, I go to a party, and I meet somebody.
I said, do you remember anything about Iran?
Do you know what the Iranian people are about?
Do you know what their story is?
They're a theocracy.
So what?
So what?
One of the smallest countries in the world, Vatican City.
What do you think that is?
Yeah, but they've got a beard.
They think, they have been told, Iran is evil.
They're evil.
Everything about them is evil.
They get up in the morning and they're evil.
And they're evil.
And if you were a student in 1979 or whatever, and there was a spy network, our CIA, our embassy in Iran, there were spies.
It was CIA.
You know this.
I mean, I get tired sometimes.
I've always got to remind people, say, did you know this?
No.
What did you think this was?
Sparky says, every time someone says, Israel is our friend in the Middle East, I can't help but think, before Israel, we had no enemies in the Middle East.
This is U.S. missionary John Sheehan.
My friend, you, and let me explain something to you.
This last version of this, where it was absolutely created in a patellar connective tissue fashion that if you had any disapproval with Bibi Netanyahu or Israeli government foreign policy, not Judaism, not even Israelis, not people in the Middle East, but with it, you were somehow an anti-Semite.
And like morons.
Like barking seals.
Braying.
Bleeding.
Patellar.
Pavlovian.
Just these minor birds.
They just repeated this.
On Fox News.
And the General King.
Did you ever see that clown?
General King from the Institute for the Study of War.
This is the Newlands and the Kegans.
You're never going to find anything.
Oh, you know, Putin's bad.
I mean, just it.
George Keene said, why does the Vatican have billions?
But yet I need to have a bake sale to keep St. Mary's Parish afloat.
Absolutely.
We will never understand that, my friend.
We will never understand it.
How about this butte?
This is how bad it is when you're double-crossed, believe it or not, by, of all people, Joy Behar, when you're Mr. Jazz Hands.
Is that enough to convince people there's a middle ground on this issue?
Because right now, right wingers are coming after you for how you handle your shotgun.
Well, I can shoot better than all of my games.
I got the trophies to prove it.
Again, creating a problem out of nowhere.
He decided, I'm going to go out and show people how I hunt pheasant.
And pheasant hunters are saying, what are you talking about?
You got the wrong gear.
You're walking around.
You're talking.
Nobody else has guns.
I mean, everything was wrong.
Okay.
They have him in a...
I didn't have the heart to show you this one.
They're in a...
In a locker room and he's got a board up or something and he's trying to do a play in which he's bringing up Project 2025.
Sparky says, make Israel Syria again.
In those Ottoman Empire days, Levant Jews got along fine with their neighbors, whether Muslim, Christian, or otherwise.
When you look at the history, when you talk about the Levant, remember this?
Remember how They accused Barack Obama of using ISIL versus ISIS because ISIL included the Levant and that was construed as anti-Semitic somehow.
I forget how it was.
It was absolutely I told you the story.
I told you this one.
Jimmy Carter in this horrible picture where they drag him out with his mouth hanging open like Angelo Bruno in Philly.
It was terrible.
I talked to a friend of mine and said, you know, we need to have people like Jimmy Carter in office.
I said, they would never let Jimmy Carter in office.
Why?
I said, did you hear what he had to say about Palestine and Israel?
He said, no.
I said, You're kidding me.
No.
The ICC, the ICJ, the whole thing?
No.
Apartheid, genocide, no.
Ethnic cleansing?
No.
I said, what are you listening to?
How did you miss this?
He's been saying this for...
George Keene says, Sparky, make Lebanon a U.S. territory.
Let me tell you what's going to happen, and nobody ever wants to talk about this.
The Houthis, they think that somehow, I don't know why, maybe it's a funny name or something.
I hope, I swear to God, I hope they don't do what I think I would do if I were they.
See, depending upon what, if somebody hurts my country, somebody hurts me, I want to pay them back.
And I want to pay.
That's what we do.
That's what every country does.
You do something to us, we pay you back.
You fund something or a country that hurts us, we pay you back.
Nelson A. says, I love the new McDonald's t-shirt that you're selling on President Trump's website.
I'm loving it.
Can't wait to see you, Uncle Lenny, Saturday.
Thank you, Nelson A. I will be there, my brother.
I will be there.
Sparky says the Levant isn't just Palestine.
The Levant is a large region which extends into Turkey.
Indeed.
Now, moving on down the line.
Did you see this story about this very exceedingly creepy Mark Cuban who was looking more and more like a Rachel Maddow doppelganger?
I don't know if you've seen her lately or seen him, but it is something to behold.
And he's acting weird as hell.
That's all I'm going to say to you.
He's acting kind of weird and coming across a little, dare I say, strangely.
And I don't know where this happened or where this came from.
I think he is so profoundly jealous of Musk.
He's just, he's going crazy.
I really do.
I think he's out of his mind jealous.
I don't think he knows.
I don't think he can handle it anymore.
And it's something to see.
He's losing his mind.
Well, let's watch this, shall we?
Hang on a minute.
Let me go back to this.
Here we go.
Watch this one.
And this mister, I think this Sorkin dude...
Pretty much puts him in his place.
Let's talk about Elon Musk.
He's been critical of you.
You've been critical of him.
What do you make in particular of this weekend's new effort to get people to the polls that he is using a million dollars a day he's offering up for those who effectively sign his petition and register to vote?
I mean, it's innovative and it's desperate.
You only do that because you think you have to, but using the sweepstakes is not a bad idea.
Whether or not it'll work is a whole other thing.
It just as easily could backfire, but you don't know until you try.
Do you think it's legal?
I mean, I actually looked into it.
I initially thought it might not have been, but as a sweepstakes, it looks like it may be.
But from a FEC perspective, I have no idea.
They're going nuts.
Crypto says, ah!
Doppelganger.
Okay.
Thank you, CD.
Appreciate that.
They're going crazy.
They're going crazy.
Elon Musk has done a very, very simple thing.
He's made it cool to like Trump.
He has made it cool.
That's all.
That's all.
Let me show you another one, too.
This is Tampon Tim playing this trope.
That I cannot believe he's still doing.
She worked in a McDonald's.
She didn't go and pander and disrespect McDonald's workers by standing there in your red tie and take a picture.
Shut up!
She didn't work for him!
Let it go, schmuck!
But no!
She actually worked in a McDonald's.
She didn't actually work for a McDonald's.
She actually worked in a McDonald's.
Stop saying that!
When she's filled out her application for the DA, she had to list every employment she's ever had.
She never put that one down.
She actually worked in a McDonald's.
Jesus, why are you doing this?
Did they tell you to do this?
Do you want to sabotage this?
Do you think, what, this is a pheasant hunt?
She actually worked in a McDonald's.
She didn't go and pander and disrespect McDonald's workers by standing there in your red tie and take a picture.
Incredible.
Incredible.
I don't even know what to say.
Oh, look at this.
U.S. missionary John Sheehan is a Jesuit.
Lionel went to a Jesuit school.
Coincidence?
Oh, I know.
The blood oath was the worst.
The mystics?
The whole Ignatius Loyola thing?
Whoa!
And don't forget, I still have my membership card.
Ladies and gentlemen, you want to get sick?
I've been waiting all day for this.
Sparky, this one's for you.
I hope you're not eating.
I hope you're not driving.
And I hope you're not in any way doing anything involving small engine repair.
Because this could be dangerous.
This is going to be the second weirdest thing of the night.
I've been saving this all night for you.
Ready for this?
I've been saving this.
I've been saving this for you.
He fell out of his tree to lie for her, indeed.
As my good friend Gordon Sully would say, some people would rather climb up a tree and lie than stand there and tell the truth.
Let me just play this for you, and you tell me what this is, and then we'll break it down incrementally, okay?
I love how much smarter she is than all the guys in the room.
This is Andy Cohen.
You know who he is?
Andy Cohen?
You know, from the Housewives and, you know, Andy Cohen.
You dig?
You know what I'm saying?
Hello, Andy Cohen.
Okay, you got it?
Okay, watch this.
Andy Cohen, Ben Stiller, Slappy Emhoff, and Ben Stiller is so...
Didn't Ben Stiller's...
No, that's nobody else.
Ben Stiller acts like he doesn't know anything.
Where he is, what his name is, The hesitancy, the, I don't know if they own him, if you figure my career's in the shitter and I gotta do something, maybe I'll make a deal with the shadow government.
But let's start off again with Andy Cohen talking about manliness.
About being a girl dad.
I love how much smarter she is than all the guys in the room already.
I can tell that she's gonna be a powerhouse.
She is.
This is Emma with the cataract glasses and the tats.
This is the daughter that they're talking about.
The model!
She's a model.
She's already at two and a half.
My daughter's 22 and a half, is a feminist, incredibly strong, and has really just inspired me in so many ways.
I love her.
Why is he talking like this wimpy, simpy, hesitant, hard to speak?
I don't know, she's just, you know, she's 22 years old.
Okay, and now here we go.
Here comes old blood and guts, okay?
Here's the Stan Stasiak.
Here's the Johnny Valentine, the Buddy Colt, the toughest man ever.
The Harley race of the trio.
I'm the proud dad of Ella over here.
My vote for Kamala is an investment in my daughter's future.
Yeah, right.
Okay, sure.
Okay, look at this.
Look at this.
Look at this trio.
Look at this.
Look at this.
I'll bet you there is...
I agree.
I'm right there with you.
When the Dobbs decision came out two plus years ago...
I heard from Kamala right away.
I was in a spinning class and I smelled her seeds.
I do.
I don't mind telling you.
I'm sorry.
I'm weird about that.
I wear these tight pants.
I tell you about that, sometimes I smuggle grapes, but enough about me.
Next person was Ella.
She texted me right away.
Ella texted me.
Ella doesn't speak.
Ella doesn't blink either.
I'm not even sure if she breathes.
Ella's a reptile.
Ella's a...
I don't know what she is.
I think she's either a mollusk or a brine shrimp.
Essentially saying we need to fight.
This is not just an issue.
Look at her.
I'm nodding.
Ella, can you nod?
Love the hat.
What is that?
A Bassmaster's hat?
Very nice.
Can you nod, Ella?
Can you?
Over here.
Over here, Ella.
Issue for women.
Not.
Issue for men and families.
Yeah, not.
And this is one of the many, many reasons why we've got to elect Kamala's president.
Well, you didn't tell me anything about it.
You just said that Ella texted me and Cohen's got a daughter and NumNut says Stellar's got a daughter.
But I'm still waiting.
Why am I supposed to vote for Kamala?
Never in my lifetime did I think that we would be having to fight for this.
Fight for what?
Fight for our own bodies.
No, why do you have to vote fight for your body?
And I think it's really important for the men to step up and show that they actually support us and they're willing to put things on the line to help us.
If you're looking for men to stand up, where do you get these three people from?
There isn't a Y chromosome in the group.
What the hell are you talking about?
And by the way, if you want to see what states' rights will be, look at Florida's Amendment 4. Jesus, they're going to...
I think they're going to make almost pregnancy illegal.
They're going to be able to take out babies five minutes before birth without parental consent but notification.
And anybody, including the guy who changes the water in your aquarium, will qualify as a health care divider.
I'm sorry.
If I work for Camara and said, Ella, do me a favor.
Here's two tickets.
Here's a long cruise.
Go.
Go somewhere.
Please.
Go.
Every time you walk out, it's...
I'm sorry.
I hate to be the one.
I'm sure you're a fine person.
I'm sure you're a good person.
I bet you're a nice person.
But when you walk out, you can almost hear the...
It's not good.
That's not the idea we want.
And Slappy, come here, do me a favor.
You got that shit-eating grin.
I don't even know what that is.
You look like you just dropped the deuce and you don't want anybody to know about it.
You look like you just stole something.
You've got that look.
You look like, I don't know why I'm here.
Cohen, what are you going to do?
And Ben Stiller, what happened to you?
When did you become this tentative?
When did you become this hesitant?
I don't get it.
Are you ready for this?
Oh!
Wait until you see this one.
I don't know what the hell this is.
I'm warning you.
Do me a favor.
You might want to just check out now, especially if there's youngsters.
This may be, and please, if you're driving, a lot of people drive with this on.
Please, pull over.
Pull over.
YouTube says, what is all this doing to down ticket elections?
What do you think?
It's going to be a bloodbath.
But I digress.
Okay?
Now I warned you, if you're still here, I'll give you a couple of seconds.
You might want to go out.
Let's go to a George Keene joke, ladies and gentlemen.
He says, what's worse?
No Kid Gamala or the Model Weirdo?
You know, I'm sure she's a fine person.
She's probably a doll, but she's just not good.
This is the Gen Z-er.
There is no connection.
You've got the creepy slappy, you've got this Ella with the cataract glasses, and then this one.
Everything about her is weird.
The sister that somehow, did you read that in the Daily Mail today?
The sister is somehow being told, get away.
Timmy, tampon Timmy, I don't even know about him.
Thank God his kids.
You know what those poor kids are saying?
Not a chance.
Keep us out of here.
Even the wife the other day was trying to talk about it.
This guy can't shoot.
He's trying to kill Pheasant to show you he's manly.
Okay.
Let me play this for you.
Remember, I warned you.
Everyone, we're Mike and Barb Emhoff, the parents of the second gentleman.
And we're here today to honor our daughter-in-law, Kamala Harris, on her birthday.
And we've written a beautiful poem.
Sixty stars for Kamala.
Sixty years of laughter.
Sixty years of grace.
A guiding light with a smiling face.
From courtroom halls to Senate floors.
A voice of justice forever endures.
With every step you've shown your might, inspiring hope, turning wrongs to right.
Heart beat strong through every trial.
Carving paths with courage and style.
For each candle's glow, a wish so bright for all the lives you've helped ignite.
Here's to 60 more dreams so grand, with love and warmth held in your hand.
Happy birthday, kind of love, from your loving in-laws, Mike and Barb.
May joy never part.
You lead with your head and give with your heart.
We love you.
Now, they're probably wonderful people.
Wonderful people.
I don't know how anybody told them to do this.
I don't know why.
Jerry said, wish I could attend your cutting room show.
Thank you, Jerry.
Oh, Kamala, oh, Kamala, with all of your heart, be careful when you pull my finger.
As I tend to often fart.
You laugh like a banshee and you sound all screwed up.
Oh, Kamala, oh, Kamala, we all want to throw up.
Nelson A. says, oh, my vomiting in my mouth, Lord help us.
Now, those fine people probably said, okay.
Do you think that Mike and Barb Emhoff said, hey, we got an idea?
No.
They probably did this and were asked to do this.
Do they look like the type who says, let's go on TikTok?
No.
Somebody said do this.
Somebody said do this.
Somebody said do this.
Somebody told Ella, Ella, come here, can you wear the Bassmasters hat?
Yeah.
Can you put on your Brooks Brothers?
Yeah, good.
Come on out.
Hey, Doug Slappy, give me a favor.
Can you give me more of that smarmy, that weird kind of shit-eating grin?
There you go.
Can you give me that?
Can you talk without opening your mouth?
There you go.
Good.
That's good.
Hey, Andy Cohen, come here.
Can you talk about manliness?
I know.
That's what I thought.
But the cat lady wants me to tell you this.
So, I don't know.
Maybe there's some contention.
Can you do that?
Yeah.
Stiller.
Come here.
You're Ben Stiller?
You're Jerry Stiller's son?
You were a good actor.
You know, when you think about all something about Mary, what was that thing called?
Zoolanders?
I mean, it was kind of interesting.
He really not.
Well, the Fockers, he's the same person.
Confused.
Confused.
I mean, this is incredible.
Seems like a limerick would be a more appropriate style of poem about comedy.
Oh, limerick?
Absolutely.
Oh, I'd pick you.
Who would you pick?
If you ran for office, I would pick, if I could, alive or dead.
To me, first of all, Rip Taylor.
Because Rip Taylor just throwing the thing just to get people to say, what the hell is that?
Harley Race, I think the greatest pound-for-pound shooter ever.
Maybe Dusty Rose.
Come on, baby!
You know, doing that.
You know, the cold man of fun.
Hard time!
He'll do his hard times thing.
I think I like that.
Leonard Barr.
Dean Martin's uncle.
He come out and do a little dance step.
Pat Cooper.
I'd love to have Pat screaming and yelling.
Toadie Fields might be good.
I'd like to have her give me a testimonial.
I mean, if you're going to go for it, go for it.
Slappy White.
Maybe something from Pigmeat Markham.
Charles Aznavore.
And a little ditty from Victor Borga.
Something to blend it up.
These people don't know what they're doing.
They have no idea what they're doing.
And thank God for this.
Jerry Robichaux, by the way, in French that means the cattle are dying.
One thing she does well is smirk and sit pretty.
Well, maybe.
You know, it really is.
Let me just stop for a second.
Let me just stop.
If I told you, if I told you, A while back.
Now listen.
I'm going to tell you something.
Sparky says, Stiller played a great character in Dodgeball.
That was interesting.
Also, I keep saying also, Tropic Thunder might be one of the greatest movies.
Everybody, Jack Black was good.
Robert Downey Jr.
Absolutely Stole the show, was a genius, and given a pass because he's a chosen one, member of the group.
If anybody else had done a blackface, they'd been killed.
They'd been killed!
Hear what I'm saying?
Do you hear what I'm saying?
It would have been destroyed.
Poor Downey Jr. is on Broadway, and it sucks.
People are actually using that play instead of waterboarding.
Did you know that?
Did you know that?
Around the world, when they catch a terrorist, instead of waterboarding them or doing some kind of testicular thing with a garlic press and a scallopini hammer, they're making them watch this play.
The reviews are so horrible that ushers are passing out and vomiting in the aisle.
That's unconfirmed, by the way.
George Keene says, Missed last two Super Chats.
Tropic Thunder was epic classic.
Well, George, damn it.
Let me get to the bottom of this.
Oh, wasn't Noah in charge of the ark again?
No, I'm sorry.
I said, oh, excuse me.
Pardon me.
George, hang on a minute.
George Keene says, will 2024 election look like the 1972 Nixon win for a DJT?
You know, it might.
You're talking about the classic landslide with I think the worst ever was against McGovern, where the only two, if I recall correctly, the only two states he won, he didn't even win his own states, I think South Dakota, he won D.C., and I think Massachusetts, perhaps, maybe.
Maybe, I don't know.
But let me go back to this.
Imagine if you, if I had come to you as an angel, I don't know how many nights ago.
And remember, there's 14 days, technically, until the election.
Think about this.
Doesn't that freak you out?
14 days.
10?
Actually, 15 days.
But it's weird.
14 days, 3 hours, and 15 minutes.
Okay, whatever.
Now, if I had gone to you, let's say, 2 weeks ago, 3 weeks ago, I said, listen to me.
This is how it ends.
What is it?
I'm going to tell you the future.
Tell me, Uncle Lenny.
I've been to the future.
I know what I'm talking about.
You ready?
Okay, what's going to happen?
Big finish.
Somebody's going to really blow and bring Kamala down.
What is it?
Gemala.
What?
Okay, you're not going to believe this.
Tell me.
All right, I'm going to tell you.
Are you sure you can handle this?
I can handle it.
Okay.
She didn't work for McDonald's.
She didn't work for McDonald's.
What the hell are you talking about?
That's it!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
That's it?
That's it?
That's the thing?
That's the thing.
Wait a minute, seriously.
Out of everything she's done, I know, out of everything she's done, and everything, and this, and that, and Kimmy, and the sergeant major, no.
This is going to do it.
She's going to claim she worked in passing, that she worked for ICE, and she's still saying it.
And they're going to actually, Trump is going to say, okay, I'm going to go to this place in Pennsylvania.
I'm going to clear everybody out.
I'm going to put Secret Service men, whatever.
We're going to have people drive through who are actors who love me.
They're going to be clear.
Believe me, their cars...
Probably were checked a million times with dogs and, you know, looking for bombs and the mirror under geese, whatever it is.
And here's Trump.
Hey, how are you?
Holy God, is it you, President Trump?
Yes.
Oh, my.
Can I have my order?
Sure.
Thanks.
I'm surprised Trump didn't say, it's on the House, everybody.
Okay.
That's the thing.
And that all was inspired because Kamala said she worked for McDonald's.
That is what wins it.
Sparky says, Tropic Thunder was a terrific spoof back when Hollywood could laugh at itself, at least sometimes anyway.
And you see, the thing about it was, Sparky, this is the thing which is the most important.
They weren't mocking black people.
It was an actor.
Playing...
It was not gratuitously blackface.
On two separate occasions, I had the chance to speak with Carol O 'Connor, Archie Bunker.
Two separate occasions.
Two separate events.
And the one thing I remember, more than anything else, the one thing I remember is when he said, and we were talking, I said, I said, nobody, and he, by the way, was a liberal.
He spoke beautiful Italian, and he was a very, very cultured man.
But anyway, I said, people didn't understand that Archie Bunker was the joke.
The racist was the fool.
He wasn't lionized.
He wasn't heralded.
It was, I know!
But Robert Downey Jr. did this.
Robert Downey Jr. was...
Tropic Thunder was brilliant.
Absolutely.
Then when he said, don't go full retard.
Oh my god, he said retard.
Oh my god.
I am Sam, full retard.
Brilliant!
And Ben Stiller was good because he does the, what?
The confused.
He's beating Ben Stiller!
When Ben Stiller was with Robert De Niro, Who is the worst actor ever who is the same person in every role, every scene, every movie, every situation.
Doesn't matter.
You get the same guy.
The same voice.
The same smirk.
The look.
You're talking to me.
That kind of...
But he's a genius.
He's a genius.
The Irishman.
Worst piece of garbage ever.
People were yelling, make it stop!
Make it!
It was horrible!
Remember the way the computer, supposedly the face made him look younger?
It made him look like some kind of NPC.
I don't know what the hell it was.
There was no editing.
It went on forever.
Jimmy Hoffa talks like this.
Hey, I'm Jimmy Hoffa.
What are you talking about?
What happened to Al Pacino?
Have you heard him lately?
Did you hear the story about him?
Did you hear about his book?
Did you hear about this one?
He wrote a story about, and I'm listening to an audiobook sampling where he's reading his book, Sunny Boy.
I've heard it a million times.
In the Bronx, my mom, my father left, and my mother worked, and I live with my grandparents, and she told me, you call me Sunny Boy.
Climb up on my knees, Sunny Boy.
Here's the best part.
And then, it was an accident, and I took tremendous trauma to my penis.
My penis, this is true, I'm not making this up, was damaged beyond recognition, and my penis, I said, why are you telling me this?
Is he, why did he, what is he, 85 years old?
Now, what is he, on his hard life, why are you telling me this?
What, it, in an audio book, it's worth everything.
Two audiobooks that are great.
Donald Fagan's voice.
Ricky Lee Jones.
Remember that?
We were driving back from, I think, D.C. or something.
It was wild!
And it was mesmerizing.
Her voice!
It's like her teeth don't fit her.
I don't know what it is, but it's mesmerizing.
I think Carol Channing would be a good audiobook.
But anyway, enough about me.
Enough about me.
Have I missed any?
Cruise Lifestyle.net says, Uncle Lenny, did you say a while back that the picture over your shoulder is a view of George Jones, the greatest of all time?
Literally, bro.
Oh, yes.
Oh, my God.
Oh, sacrilege.
You know it.
Me and the possum.
And I was armed at the time.
This was...
December the 10th, 93, I believe.
This was at Ruth Eckert Hall.
I'm trying to get rid of this shit.
There we go.
Yep, me and George Jones shaking hands.
Put on a few pounds then, but that's it.
Me and the possum.
Absolutely.
Sparky says, actually, President Trump did cover everyone's meal at McDonald's.
I hope he would.
And he loves McDonald's.
Sparky's is Tropic Thunder.
Yeah, it was a terrific spoof.
I love...
Let me tell you this much.
If you want to see something that you will not believe...
I'm not going to put this up, but I'm going to tell you where to go to it.
It's called Foreigners Around the World.
By PJ O 'Rourke.
It was from 1976.
It was a satirical piece from National Lampoon.
Foreigners Around the World by PJ O 'Rourke.
It is so brutal.
If you're found with this, you will be indicted.
It is so...
Now see if I can explain this to you.
It is not racist.
It is so over-the-top racist, it's funny.
They slam everybody.
Arabs, Jews, Canadians, Russians, Italians, French, Africans, Spaniards.
I'm not going to tell you.
You find it yourself.
I think you can get it online.
Do not show this in public.
Do not send this to people.
Read this only in the privacy of your own home.
This was one of the funniest things I have ever seen because I get it.
I am from...
I know so many jokes that it could get me indicted.
And if I told you the jokes, if I told you, you would see they're funny because of the story.
They're not deliberately racist or anti-whatever it is.
It's the context.
It's the twist.
I don't know how to explain that to you.
I'm not going to apologize for it.
It's something that people...
There was something in the old days called Maledicta.
Did I tell you about that?
Maledicta.
This was in college.
It's called the Journal of Verbal Aggression.
What was his name?
Maledicta.
Ah, yes.
The International Journal...
The Maledicta.
was the International Journal of Verbal Aggression, an academic journal dedicated to the study of offensive and negatively valued words and expressions, also known as maledictology.
Its main areas of interest were the origin, etymology, meaning, use, and influence of vulgar, obscene, aggressive, abusive, and blasphemous language.
It was published from 1977 until 2005.
And it was Reinhold Amann was the purveyor of it.
It was wonderful.
A Dictionary of Bavarian-Australian Terms of Abuse was one.
This was the third issue.
famous study of outhouse poetry.
Um...
News, reviews, interviews, great and rotten journalists, legal scumbags, insults, curses, swear words, blasphemy, slur slang.
Oh, look at this.
They did one thing.
I remember reading insults in Italian that were Beautiful.
Ask AI to undo the racism from the twists.
Well, I don't know if AI can even do this.
There was something which was so wonderful and so terrific.
They said that one of the things which, I forget which one it was, they said that there were things that American slang did That others did not.
For example, when you tell people to F themselves, this didn't work.
This didn't work.
In Italian, they talked about things to up yours and that kind of thing.
Maybe.
But the notice of having intromission with yourself didn't work.
Americans didn't do...
Curses.
Remember Johnny Carson used to do, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your sister's armpits.
May a weird holy man exchange underwear with your sister.
Remember that one?
All these may, you know, these are curses.
May a thousand.
That we don't do.
But our curses is scatological, sexual, reference, familial, and they broke it down.
It's the most brilliant thing in the world.
There is something that you may or may not know.
You may or may not know.
But I remember reading a very scholarly piece one time on dead baby jokes.
Now this was very arcane.
But the point of view was, they said, why is this even considered funny?
And there was a whole litany of those.
And I remember as a kid, when you wanted to shock people, you were told these.
And the joke...
Was in the shock value, not in the joke.
Nothing funny about it.
It was the shock value.
It was one of these things where you're not supposed to laugh or it's so terrible.
Gallows humor is a version of this.
See, I have a complete and total respect for somebody finding something funny.
The most racist?
Homophobic, misogynistic, misandrist for misandry, for hatred of men or whatever, are things that aren't funny.
They're just sometimes they're patronizing versions and whatever.
Oh, I love ethnic humor.
I love ethnic humor.
I love when you go to a country and say, tell me...
Your story.
Tell me why this is funny and try to translate it into English.
There was a story one time in Sicilian which kills people.
I can't do it.
To do it justice.
But the storyline in English is an old lady is sitting on her front porch.
And somebody comes back and says Josephina Pina.
How are you?
Fine.
How was your surgery?
Fine.
They operated on my ass.
And the daughter overhears him and says, hey, mama, that's not the way you say it.
And then she gave the proper name for it.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Next one.
Pepina, how are you?
How are you feeling?
Great.
How was your surgery?
Fine.
They operated on my...
And she goes, Mari!
What's the name of my ass?
In Sicilian, that's the funniest thing anybody's ever done.
But it doesn't work.
I mean, I understand that she, but it just doesn't, either the pun or whatever it is, that fascinates me how people don't, how some things don't translate.
Sparky said, remember little Jimmy Dickens?
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
Yep.
And how will Right.
May...
Little Jimmy Dickens, he was great.
He played this big Gibson orchestra model, I think to accentuate his diminutive...
By the way, in that particular thing, Dan Hicks and his hot licks.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Dan Hicks and his hot legs.
With Marianne Price.
Walking One and Only.
Scared Myself.
If you want to see something.
For those musicologists.
By the way, if you don't find this interesting, I understand.
This is deep.
This is for my youth.
When Dan Hicks met Ray Benson.
From Asleep at the Wheel, who was the last purveyor of actual Texas swing country in Western Western.
You put them together.
You got to hear them doing Route 66. Dan Hicks.
Most incredible thing in the world.
Dan Hicks had a sound like nobody's business.
He had his own style.
His own style.
Dan Hicks.
Maria Maldar covered it.
Walking One and Only.
I think Not Charlie Watts.
Bill Wyman's band.
It's a classic.
And then when Ray Benson and the Sleep of the Wheel.
Oh, The Last Meal.
Route 66, of course.
Choo-choo-choo-boogie.
Phenomenal stuff.
Phenomenal stuff.
Red Peters.
Now, is that me?
Are you?
That's a good joke.
Red Peters.
I had that one time.
It was a chinchbugs, if I recall correctly.
I'll leave it at that.
Now we're getting off into this obscure kind of a...
I thought the music was far more interesting than...
It was during my high school when the more...
Obscure we could get.
The first time one of us brought in to the group, Django Reinhardt, and we didn't hear this on the radio.
We didn't have Spotify.
We had to go buy it.
It was tough.
Now it's the greatest thing in the world.
Like I said, listen to this, watch that.
But Django Reinhardt, first time I heard that was Django Reinhardt, Stephan Grappelli, Gypsy Music.
Oh, God.
Thank God for Spotify.
Alright, that's all I'm going to say.
That's all I'm going to say.
Alright?
Did we learn a lot tonight, my friends?
I think we did.
You're not going to find this on Jimmy Dore, and for good reason.
I'm kidding, of course.
I respect him tremendously.
To thank you, to Sparky, CryptoDominy, CruiseLifestyle.net, bless your heart, thank you, George Keene, Jerry Robichaux.
Nelson A. See you Saturday.
Cutting room.
I'll be there.
That's all I'm going to tell you.
Tickets.
All the ticket information is right there under the description section.
I mentioned Sparky Sparky.
You're on fire.
Don't be a stranger.
George Keene.
The meanest man you've ever seen.
He's got a clean machine.
YouTube.
Thank you.
Let me see.
Going back, going back.
Don't want to repeat names.
Don't want to repeat names.
Just a minute.
Oh, Leslie Watson.
Thank you, Leslie.
Let me see here.
Oh, Cut Up Chatter.
We're going to be getting to you, dear heart.
Thank you so much for your kindness.
Teresa Skinner.
Thank you.
Brad Rung, ladies and gentlemen.
And let me see.
I believe that's it.
I believe.
Oh, and Kelly McKinnon.
Kelly McKinnon.
Bless your heart.
Thank you, Kelly.
Thank you, dear heart.
Thank you.
Look who it is.
Wait a minute.
CR's back with her Red Peters.
Anyway, thank you so much.
Remember the old joke?
It was one where Commander Peters and his men landed in a town and they all had to find accommodations.
And Commander Peters says, you boys can figure it out on your own.
I'm going to find a place by myself.
So all these young men knocked on the door.
They went to a brothel.
They knocked on the door.
He says, we're 20 men without Peters.
And somebody greased up the cat.
Now don't ask me why, but in Catholic school, that killed me.
Killed me.
CJT, thank you so much for pulling us.
My mother told me.
These raunchy knock-knock jokes.
I'll tell you my last one.
I thought it was so funny.
I remember I was so young and I understood because I thought of the imagery.
I thought of the imagery.
I told you this.
Outhouse jokes.
Remember Polish jokes?
It was terrible.
Remember the Polak walks through an outhouse, sticks one leg in each hole and shoots in his pants?
Terrible!
But as a kid, that cracked me up because it was the speed.
But my mother told this joke, this woman threw out kerosene into the outhouse.
So after the meal, Paul goes to the outhouse with his newspaper and his cigarette, and he does his business.
And he gets done, he throws the cigarette inside, and it blows up.
And he comes in, of course, typical cartoon, blackface, smoke, and he says, must have been something I ate.
Killed me.
As a kid, I could see it.
Killed me.
Sparky says, P.G. O 'Rourke wrote a great book about capitalism.
Yep, late in his career, Eat the Rich, Foreigners Around the World is a classic.
Oh my God.
I interviewed P.G. O 'Rourke and thanked him just for that.
Later on, he wanted a certain degree of respectability.
He didn't want to be known for that.
It was one of the greatest books.
Ever.
Because it was so brutal.
National Lampoon was so good.
The greatest one ever.
If you can ever...
Now, to find one, it'd make, I don't know, 500, 1,000 bucks.
It's the original...
It's the original high school yearbook.
Who has the National Lampoon high school yearbook?
It is brilliant.
Estes Kefauver.
High school.
It is so brilliant.
It's a parody of a high school yearbook.
It is so brilliant.
It should be in a museum.
Humor like you couldn't believe.
One time I had to get a wisdom tooth taken up.
And I went to this guy, this doctor in Tampa years ago, and he would really, I mean, he would knock you out.
And he was so good that before he Knocked you out.
He gave you like Ativan or something.
Kind of loosened you up.
So I was in the waiting room waiting for this stuff to take effect before he gave me the gas.
And I had a national lampoon.
And the addition was going on tour ship.
Had the cheerleader on the cover.
On the back.
Remember that?
She was spinning around with her arse exposed.
That was on the back of the cover.
But the front of the cover was Estes Kefauver.
I think it was the Kangaroos or something.
But you're right.
That was it.
But the addition that I look...
And I hate people trying to explain cartoons.
It's terrible.
But just imagine this.
I'm sitting in this dentist's office.
I'm looking at National Empowerment.
I'm getting kind of loopy from this stuff.
And they had...
It was about cruise ships.
And the thing was that they're getting too big.
They're just getting too big.
So I'm looking at this, and there's a picture of a cruise ship.
I didn't think anything of it, but I look at the bottom, and it's the skyline of New York, and the cruise ship is dwarfing everything.
I started to giggle.
What killed me was they had dining halls with tables so long, like football fields, with one guy sitting by himself.
I can still see it.
Alone.
In this cavernous warehouse of nothing.
By himself on this cruise ship.
It killed me.
Then, foreign travel.
One was money you can't put into your wallet because it's too big.
Weird holy men.
Anyway.
Just brilliant.
Remember, buy this...
Buy this or we'll shoot this dog.
Remember the dog with the gun to the head?
Remember National Lampoon?
The comedy hour?
Remember that we had the talk show?
He said, I forget who it was.
It was Bill Murray, Brian Doyle Murray.
He said, yeah, I got the question.
If there's a God, why did he let John, President Kennedy get killed.
He said, sure be snapping him up on a cross.
Next!
And it was boom, boom, boom.
Mr. Rogers.
Remember when somebody goes, hey Rogers, yeah.
I'm Timmy's dad.
Timmy's a nice boy.
Yeah, you're getting a little friendly with Timmy and he and Mr. Rogers will get into it.
I like to put our feet in the waiting pool.
Look, Rogers, you're a freak.
Remember Mr. Rogers had on Bill Murray, who was a jazz bassist.
He says, today we're going to learn how to play the bass.
Sure.
We have a bass player.
I like the way your face scrunches up when you play the bass.
What do you have for breakfast in the morning?
He goes, I don't know.
Egg or muffin?
Anyway, I'm sorry.
I lost myself.
I was just...
I think it's time to go.
I'm sorry.
I just...
Reverie.
I lost myself.
You know why?
Because there's no humor like that anymore.
It's not...
It's not funny.
You've got Craig...
Greg Gutbucket.
You think that's funny?
Joey Behar.
Saturday Night Live.
Sparky knows.
Hang on.
Sparky says, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution always had great editorial cartoon artists in their days, too.
Hilarious.
They made Newsweek or Time every week.
Yes.
Was it Oliphant and others?
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
Do you remember when, work with me on this, do you remember when the personal columns first came out and they said, W.M. I-S-O in search of WF for companionship.
Do you want to?
Hey!
Yeah!
Yeah, that's the one.
Identical to the one above.
SWF seeks the single male in search of companionship.
Now I like that one better.
I like the phraseology that she puts in search of at the end.
This worked.
This worked.
Now the tender got this, it got face, it got catfishing and all these lies.
This actually worked.
Do you hear what I'm saying?
Does this make any sense to you?
Are you grasping the complexity of this worked?
At the end they had I don't know.
These personal sessions.
It was just so...
What am I going to do?
Alright, that's enough.
That's enough.
Sparky's not done yet.
Florida had Dave Barry and we had Louis Grisard.
Louis Grisard was one of the greatest...
Louis Grisard had...
He said...
He says, I'm tired of all you folks talking about how you did it up north.
And, you know, up north we do this.
And in New York, you know, things don't close this early.
And he said, I always told them, Delta's ready when you are.
And he said he hated, Louis Grisard said he hated the way southern accents were portrayed.
They sounded like a braying mule.
You know, hey, y 'all.
He was so terrific.
Dave Barry wasn't really...
I don't think he was...
I mean, he was Florida.
He referred to Florida things, but Louis Grisard was...
He was a wit.
He died young, if I recall correctly.
Young man.
Remember regionalism?
Jerry Clower, Justin Wilson.
I know there was food, but there was a regional.
Oh, here's one for you.
Sparky, you're going to love this.
Either you get it, or you don't.
When I was a kid, I would go over to my friend's house, and his parents, they were very kind of like 60s, you know.
He was into Playboy.
This was the father.
He was like a real swinger type.
We didn't know, but there it was.
Like, wow!
But they had, in their music collection, Rusty Warren.
And I remember as a little kid singing Knockers Up.
Now, I didn't know this was bad.
I didn't think it was bad.
I thought this is what adults do.
And it was this real saucy...
I think Knockers Up was one.
And there was, if you can catch, an SCT version of this.
Whatever her name is, what is on the Schitt's Creek?
I forgot her name.
She does a version.
It is so...
SCTV changed my life.
SCTV, National Lampoon, the greatest thing ever.
Crypto says, warm wishes, y 'all from Tallahassee.
Night, Mr. and Mrs. Crypto.
Crypto says, I've had enough.
It's only been an hour and a half.
Crypto, thank you so much.
I understand it.
Is it...
You're not Leon County.
Is it Leon County?
I think I was in Tallahassee one time.
State Capitol.
Just one time.
Alright, enough of that.
I'm just rambling.
Have a great and glorious day.
Thank you so much, my friends.
Don't forget, follow Mrs. L at Lynn's Warriors.
Don't forget, also, prepare with Lionel.
My friends, disaster is going to hit.
Don't be flat-footed.
That's all I'm going to tell you.
PreparewithLionel.com If I have to explain to you the benefit of emergency food, I'm in the wrong profession.
I like your friends.
See you tomorrow at 8 a.m.
And don't forget, until then, remember the monkey's dead.
The show's over.
Sue you.
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