The Most Amazing Fact That Nobody Will Tell You Regarding Being A Juror
The Most Amazing Fact That Nobody Will Tell You Regarding Being A Juror
The Most Amazing Fact That Nobody Will Tell You Regarding Being A Juror
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*thud* | |
I really feel sorry for people on TV, especially cable news, because cable news sucks. | |
But I really feel sorry for them trying to figure out some way to pad the fair, to stretch out their commentary regarding juries. | |
I mean, I love the way they do it. | |
It's tough. | |
And they bring on their team of experts to basically come on TV and tell you, this is how great I am. | |
Well, when I do it, because when I practice, okay, fine, fine. | |
Look, I understand it. | |
It's tough. | |
But it's like standing outside of a stadium, listening to the crowd and trying to guess the score. | |
You're wasting your time! | |
But let me tell you one thing about juries that nobody understands. | |
Nobody gets this. | |
And this is the most important part. | |
They're humans. | |
I know, I know. | |
Not exactly earth-shattering, but let me explain this to you. | |
See, when you're a juror, you walk around, depending upon the state, depending upon your jurisdiction, you're picked and you're selected. | |
And some places they walk around with this button that says, juror, which means, you know, don't touch them, contamination, get rid of them, pariah, third rail, kryptonite. | |
Don't talk to them! | |
Witness band tampering, jury tampering, get away from them! | |
Are you a juror? | |
I can't talk to you. | |
Go over there! | |
This is after you've been through this election process and you're treated like... | |
As you wait in line and you're shuttled from one room to the next. | |
I mean, it's really tough! | |
And eventually you become a part of the jury. | |
And you'll walk in and go, hi, Mrs. Oh, there's Mrs. Ayers. | |
Hi, how are you? | |
And you can't talk about the case at first because you know nothing about it, but, hi, how are you? | |
Oh, you're knitting. | |
What are you doing? | |
I'm knitting this for my grandson. | |
Oh, how nice. | |
And then you see the next day, oh, Mrs. Ayers, how are you? | |
Oh, hi, how are you? | |
And you're walking around maybe with this button on or maybe you're segregated and you kind of talk to each other because you're thinking, this is this weird kind of extended family. | |
But you've never talked about the case. | |
And then it begins. | |
And you do, you do keep quiet. | |
You do not talk about the case because we live in a Karen world today and nobody wants to be ratted out. | |
So they don't talk about it. | |
So after day one, they're just Trump, Trump. | |
We'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Ayers. | |
Thank you. | |
And you can't talk about it. | |
You can't say like, oh, this guy, this guy's the best president in the world. | |
He's a bum. | |
I hate him. | |
You buying this case so far? | |
No! | |
You can't deliver it. | |
You can't say anything. | |
So weeks go by, weeks go by, where you haven't been able to talk about the case. | |
And you think you know Mrs. Ayers with the knitting the sweater for her grandson. | |
She seems like a nice lady. | |
Maybe you've shared lunch. | |
Maybe you've talked. | |
Because the only ones you can talk to are these jurors. | |
Because nobody gets near you. | |
And then you go in to deliberate. | |
For the first time you're able to talk about the case. | |
And you sit down and there's no rules to this. | |
You say, okay, in New York, whoever the first person selected is the fourth person. | |
He doesn't know what the hell to do. | |
Nobody knows what to do. | |
They sit around and say, well, what are you... | |
Anybody want to vote, I guess. | |
I saw a movie on this. | |
I saw 12 Angry Manor. | |
I think there was a Honeymooners or something. | |
I don't know. | |
So they've got 34 counts. | |
So at some particular point, they just dive into it. | |
And you know, the very first question is going to be, well, do you think he had sex with Stormy Daniels or not? | |
And then it starts. | |
Then the Karens come out. | |
Somebody says, what? | |
Yeah, you think he has... | |
He says he didn't have sex with... | |
You idiot. | |
It has nothing to do with... | |
What do you call me an idiot for? | |
What do you call me an idiot? | |
No, this is not... | |
No, she's not on trial. | |
Well, this is about the NDA. | |
Oh, yeah, but... | |
But the NDA... | |
Anyway, I think Trump... | |
Oh, are you a Trump... | |
I hate Trump. | |
What? | |
I hate him. | |
Wait a minute. | |
Why didn't you say this before? | |
Nobody asked me. | |
I... | |
I mean, I can listen to the facts of the case. | |
Well, I like Trump. | |
Shut up. | |
And next thing you know, it can completely be destroyed. | |
Everything could just collapse. | |
Everything could just... | |
Because you've never had the chance to speak like a citizen. | |
You've been a juror. | |
Sitting there listening on this wooden bench. | |
Well, not bench when you're on a seat, but you've been a five-hour closing. | |
When was the last time you did anything for five hours? | |
No cell phones, no nothing? | |
People don't have the attention span to handle five hours? | |
My God! | |
Did you ever see a five-hour movie? | |
No. | |
Did we do anything for five hours other than sleep? | |
Emphasis on the word sleep? | |
No. | |
These are human beings. | |
What kind of a moron will put somebody through five hours? | |
Because what happens is at first you say, hey, this guy's pretty thorough. | |
Then you say, alright, get on with it. | |
And finally you say, enough! | |
Hour three, enough! | |
Hour four, come on! | |
And then hour five, you're in a coma. | |
But you don't know what they're going to do to each other. | |
And let me also tell you something, or not to each other, with each other, in terms of getting along. | |
But here's the best part. | |
I love questions. | |
Questions. | |
And this idiotic rule in New York that says you can't send back jury instructions? | |
I'm a lawyer. | |
I know what I'm talking about. | |
I've read this statute. | |
I've read the indictment. | |
I've read the... | |
I don't understand. | |
To defraud with the intent to commit another crime or to conceal the crime? | |
What other crime? | |
I don't know. | |
What do you mean? | |
It could be federal. | |
Wait a minute. | |
We're state court, aren't we? | |
Maybe. | |
Wait a minute. | |
What is this? | |
Did he intend to defraud? | |
Defraud whom? | |
The people. | |
The people? | |
By paying off a hooker? | |
Wait a minute. | |
What? | |
By defrauding people with the intent to commit another offense. | |
Another one? | |
Which one is it? | |
I don't know. | |
You need to look at this. | |
You need to look at the instructions. | |
Look at this. | |
Maybe parse this. | |
Have a dry erase board. | |
Work this out. | |
Break it down. | |
It's nuts. | |
Let me tell you something. | |
Out of all of the criminal cases that Trump is facing, I can kind of sort of see a reason for it. | |
For example, the January 6th case, Okay, maybe. | |
The documents case? | |
Well, he did take some documents. | |
I don't know if they were important enough. | |
Even the Georgia Fannie Willis case? | |
Well, I can understand the arguments being made about false electors. | |
Racketeering, maybe, but okay. | |
But this one? | |
This case? | |
Nothing. | |
Nothing. | |
It doesn't exist. | |
They just want to get Trump convicted so they can say he's convicted. | |
Ah, overturned on appeal. | |
Who cares? | |
We want him convicted. | |
And they will call him convicted no matter what. | |
No matter what. | |
And then, Pops Biden... | |
After the Adderall wears off, he's going to sit there and say, well, I'm not going to debate you. | |
Why? | |
Well, you're a convicted felon. | |
See? | |
Does that sound far-fetched to you? | |
You don't know how these people work. | |
What do I smell? | |
Hung jury. | |
Why? | |
Too many questions. | |
Too many questions. | |
That's not good. | |
And questions beget and inspire other questions, which inspire confusion, and that's hung jury. | |
What do you think, my friends? |