Is Kate Middleton Even Alive?
Is Kate Middleton Even Alive?
Is Kate Middleton Even Alive?
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| Ain't Middleton even alive? | |
| Is she alive? | |
| Is she in a coma? | |
| Is she even with us? | |
| Stop. | |
| Is that even possible? | |
| Stop. | |
| Is that... | |
| Could that even be? | |
| Could she be, God forbid, could she be not among the living and they know this and they're not saying anything? | |
| Could the world be that stifled and afraid and incurious not to say anything? | |
| Could the world be that stupid to not say, wait a minute, we have been given nothing but clues that something is very, very wrong. | |
| Now, I am not saying this. | |
| I am not privy to any of this. | |
| But I do know one thing. | |
| Marshall McLuhan said years ago that little lies are hard to keep secret. | |
| But big lies. | |
| Or easy. | |
| Because of our incredulity. | |
| Because it is mind-boggling to think that somehow she could be dead. | |
| Who knows why? | |
| Cosmetic surgery, ectopic pregnancy, facelifts gone bad. | |
| Who the hell knows? | |
| I don't know. | |
| But too many people, they're saying, that's impossible. | |
| No. | |
| But if it were true, if it were true, you would say, that can't be. | |
| That can't be. | |
| That can't occur. | |
| What is going on? | |
| How does this thing work? | |
| The first day, the first day that they put out this ridiculously stupid Photoshop, people that I know, who don't even know what Photoshop is, said, hey man, this isn't right. | |
| These weird pictures through the Range Rover, through the back seat of this... | |
| Kind of a, I guess that's Kate. | |
| Her head turned. | |
| Do they use body doubles? | |
| Are you kidding me? | |
| When I say they, I mean the collective they. | |
| You see, most people live in a world where none of this is even remotely possible, so they just eliminate it as being, oh, come on, that can't be. | |
| That's what they say. | |
| That can't be. | |
| Come on. | |
| What are you talking? | |
| No, no, no. | |
| Really? | |
| Really? | |
| I can't tell you half of the stuff that I suspect and half of the stuff that's actually happened. | |
| And what is the most interesting is that we live in a world right now of people who are absolutely the most gullible to begin with. | |
| And they speak on this thing which is called social media. | |
| And social media, in particular, have these rules. | |
| And the rules say, specifically, two words to the effect of, if you say something that gets too near the truth, if you're over the target, you get flack. | |
| So when you hear somebody say, that's a conspiracy theory, shut up about that, shut up about that, that's an indication it's true. | |
| Go on social media today and say, Elvis Presley is alive and living in Covington Bay, North Dakota. | |
| Make up a town. | |
| Nobody will say anything. | |
| Why? | |
| Because nobody cares. | |
| It's not true. | |
| Go ahead. | |
| Nobody will say, you and your crazy conspiracy theory. | |
| No, we don't care about that. | |
| No. | |
| No, no, no, no. | |
| You only care about conspiracy theories if they are true. | |
| And what I can't believe is how the good people of Great Britain and the British Isles and the UK and England, I thought you loved her. | |
| I thought you were mad about her. | |
| I thought you would have this I can't believe it. | |
| Here's Prince Trump. | |
| Oh, and I am an, I don't know if I'm an anglophobe, but I'm a British, I'm a royal family fanatic. | |
| This is the greatest story since professional wrestling. | |
| He even got King Chuck all his life waiting for this moment. | |
| And the Queen, she, bless her heart, I thought she'd go on forever. | |
| So here comes Chuck's final moment. | |
| This poor guy who's been pushed around his whole life talking to flowers at Balmoral and just with the jug ears and his father never liked him and he was a big wimp. | |
| And Camilla, remember that? | |
| Remember the phone sex with Camilla? | |
| I want to be your temp. | |
| Oh God. | |
| Anyway, I want to relive that one. | |
| But this poor guy has been a schmuck since day one. | |
| Nobody ever took him seriously. | |
| Well, here's his moment. | |
| And what happens? | |
| Boom! | |
| He gets cancer. | |
| Can it be anything but terminal? | |
| Can it be anything but worse than they've even suggested? | |
| Can it be? | |
| How could it be anything but that? | |
| How? | |
| How, I ask you. | |
| Does it make any sense? | |
| So he's in, he's out. | |
| And then here's Kate. | |
| Abdominal surgery. | |
| What do you mean, abdominal surgery? | |
| Well, why don't you call it thoracic surgery? | |
| Why don't you call it... | |
| What does that mean? | |
| Abdominal. | |
| And they said, okay. | |
| Nobody... | |
| Say what you want about us. | |
| I guess they don't have a version of Alex Jones or something, but we would have been all over this. | |
| We said, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. | |
| Hold on. | |
| Who? | |
| What? | |
| We would have had to stop. | |
| The people coming out of the woodwork coming up with their theories of what happened and this. | |
| Not over there. | |
| This story stinks to high heaven. | |
| What is happening? | |
| I'm not telling you that I'm losing any sleep over this. | |
| But the weirdest stuff. | |
| Remember the story about Princess Di? | |
| Think there's any questions about there? | |
| Oh, like you can't believe. | |
| Oh, dear God. | |
| Never know it from them. | |
| Never know it from them. | |
| So listen to me very carefully. | |
| I know what I'm talking about. | |
| This story stinks to high heaven. | |
| What do you think? | |
| What are your theories, hypotheses? | |
| What do you think is going on here? | |
| I'd love to know. | |
| But only after you subscribe. | |
| Make sure you are subscribed because for some reason we're finding out that people are unsubscribed. | |
| I don't know. | |
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