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Dec. 13, 2023 - Lionel Nation
56:44
The Second American Revolution Has Commenced
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I have been doing this for 35 years professionally.
I've actually been involved in it kind of quasi-professionally for 40 years.
And I have never seen...
Anything like this.
Tell me you understand, born to raise hogs.
Thank you, brother.
Do you understand what I am saying?
Do you understand how complicated this is?
Do you understand?
Do you get it?
Do you see it?
It's unbelievable.
I don't even know where to start.
I don't know where to begin.
I know.
But I'm going to jump in, my friends, as I welcome you to this evening's version of this thing of ours, the live stream, the 7 p.m. live stream.
Welcome.
The issue that is going to be the issue that is so fascinating.
Israel.
The third rail, since I can remember, when you were in talk radio, you never, ever, even, if you had nothing glaringly,
over-the-top, effusively, effulgently, in praise, and absolute, obeisant, To anything that Israel did, if you were short of that, you kept your mouth shut.
You never said anything, because you would be crushed.
It was the third, it's the third rail, kryptonite, whatever you want to call it.
I mean, it was, it's brutal.
And if you were on anything even remotely conservative, forget it.
But the issues were kind of like, well, you know, I mean, we kind of heard.
Look, they're defending themselves.
They're the only democracy in the Middle East.
They're our ally.
We committed them.
Harry Truman, I love Israel.
Nixon helped them, you know.
But because the stories were, I mean, they were serious, but we never really knew.
We never really knew.
I mean, we knew, but we didn't know.
There wasn't the internet.
You didn't really know what was going on.
You didn't know.
Israel good guy, everybody else bad.
If there were any accusations of Israel doing anything that was over-the-top, untoward, excessive, you never heard anything.
You never heard about it.
You understand what I'm saying?
We have three networks.
That's it.
Nobody said anything.
First Intifada, well, good.
Second Intifada, well, that's the way it is over there.
Those people, they're always fighting like Arabs and like Jews.
Remember the line of Michael Franks?
Was it eggplant or like Arabs and like Jews?
Sometimes I just forget to smile.
Anyway, and that's the way we thought.
Well, now we have the internet.
Now we have the internet, and now we have a moment of holy, wow!
Two news programs that are fantastic!
Excellent!
And you gotta watch this.
To see real, honest to God, debate...
In a decent form, and not these morons on Fox News, including the guy in the morning who can't speak English!
I don't know what it is!
Hell, even the mayor of Chicago!
What is going on with this?
How do people...
Okay, he's a politician, but on TV?
What is he talking about?
One minute?
Hey!
Yay!
By the way, Zelensky's gone.
Notice how that is?
Get the hell out of here.
Get out of here.
Pound sand.
Beat it, buddy.
That's it.
Take your tag and your lapel pin and get out of here.
Get out of here.
Shut up.
Get out of here.
We've given you enough.
Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
Why?
Elections are coming up.
Elections are coming up.
Okay, listen to me carefully.
I'm going to tell you the stories.
Two great programs you've got to see.
And I'm going to tell you about my own particular version of this.
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I heard today two great, great, wonderful discussions.
Breaking Points with Sagar, Sagar Sagar, Sigar Sagar, and Crystal Ball, and The Rising on the Hill with Brianna and the other guy, Buddy.
Anyway, just watch this.
The Rising.
Both of them were incredible.
Now, I just did.
I just did.
I've got a newsletter coming out tomorrow, so sign up for that newsletter.
And I just did on my private channel what I can say only on a private channel.
Only.
Because I'm telling you.
Listen to what I'm saying.
You have not seen anything yet.
This is the brutal truth.
Let me give you this one.
Give an idea.
Give an idea of this.
Let me show you this.
Let me...
Okay, here we go.
Rising with Brianna Joy Gray.
Brianna Joy Gray was on with editor-in-chief at Foreign Desk regarding debates and I watched reports of white phosphorus.
White Phosphorus go to breaking points.
Watch this.
What?
18,000 kilp?
Whatever.
Watch this.
You're not hearing this on Fox News.
Then go to Al Jazeera.
See what they say.
Then go to Jerusalem Post.
But forget Fox News.
Fox News is gone.
Listen to what people have to say.
Listen to what 100% real, legitimate, real.
This is from Israel.
You've got to hear what they have to say.
Listen to everybody.
But then hear a debate.
And what's terrific is that you have, and it's not just this, it's a kind of, for lack of a better word, hang on a minute.
I had to tell you this one.
You've got to watch this.
Breaking points.
Gaza gaslighting.
U.S. spokesman caught lying live.
Crystal and Saga test.
Oh, you don't hear that.
Evangelicals are kind of coming apart.
Ivy League hearing, shocking numbers, okay, housing dream collapse, SNL under fire, okay, it goes on and on and on, okay.
Now, you actually hear debates between people talking about certain things, right?
Kind of, there's one, Crystal and Brianna are absolutely, 100%, they are, I don't want to say they're anti-Israel.
But they're definitely pro-Palestinian.
And why is that important?
To get at least the perspective so you can hear this and say, okay, I got it.
Now, what do you say about this?
You don't hear this on that stupid Fox News.
I want to hear the truth.
In the old days, you wouldn't hear this.
Are they dropping white phosphorus in Lebanon?
White phosphorus?
No.
Willie Pete?
No.
Come on.
What?
We're in the position, if this were any other country, even remotely hinting at white phosphorus, hinting, we'd be going nuts.
But we've been trained.
Israel, no, no, don't say anything.
Well, those days are over.
Now, that doesn't mean we are anti-Semitic, anti-Israel, none of that stuff.
We're going to treat Israel like any other country.
What's wrong with that?
Anybody have a problem with that?
We hold it to the same standards.
When you're right, you're right.
When you're wrong, you're wrong.
What are you doing?
What the hell are we doing?
We had no problem blasting this country when we blasted Vietnam.
To knock them, why?
What?
Get rid of communism?
That was the most stupid thing in the world.
What did we do that for?
Well, if I can argue against my country, I sure as hell can criticize either the Palestinian Authority or Qatar or Iran or anybody else when they screw up.
You got it?
Is that a deal?
You got it?
Now, here's another one, too.
This is another one.
I am so sick.
Who is sick of hearing about this RuPaul doppelganger in Harvard and this nonsense?
About the story about the plagiarism.
I mean, I'm so sick.
Are you sick of this?
Who cares?
You've milked this.
Elise Stephanie, Bill Ackman.
Okay, I got it.
I'm bored with this.
I'm bored.
Enough.
Let's move on.
We got elections coming up.
You've milked this thing dry.
You've milked it dry.
Who's sick of this?
Who?
Are you at the point where you say, enough?
Enough!
I've had it.
I got it.
I understand it.
Let it go.
Let this go.
What are you doing?
Dear God!
I don't understand.
Where are we?
It comes down to simply this.
Yes!
Yes!
They're all of a sudden investigating plagiarism because they hate her.
Because they want to go in for the kill.
How does it feel?
You do it to right-wingers.
You do it to conservatives.
Now you're getting it back.
Both barrels.
How does it feel?
What the hell do you want?
This is what you do to Trump.
It's what you did to us.
It's what you did to all these people.
You grind them in the dirt.
You grind them.
Right?
You know, so F you take it.
That's the way it goes.
Alright?
But the only reason that anybody cares about this is not that.
The issue is not whether Genocide is verboten speech.
That's not it.
The question is, you know RuPaul.
You and I. By the way, you ever see RuPaul without the wig?
I swear to God.
I thought it was.
I didn't know who.
Anyway.
The only thing that matters.
The only thing that matters is that you would have treated this differently had they been anti-black.
Anti-gay.
Anti-trans.
There was a very smart young man from Harvard who did a two-minute little dissertation on how they had to have some mandatory Title IX lecturing on the use of pronouns.
Oh, give me a break.
That's the issue.
Now it's time to move on.
It's boring.
Boring.
And while we're on the subject of boring, let me give you one.
Ready for this?
Food blogs.
Boring!
Today we're in Sicily and we're going to have a spleen sandwich.
Stop it!
It's done!
Mark Wiens killed this.
Food ranger killed it.
You're eating a cannoli.
It's over.
We have this.
Half of this stuff, what are you doing?
And number one, the worst of the worst of the worst.
My soul died.
This thing has run its course.
Pizza reviews.
And number one, your girlfriend, Portnoy.
He's been doing pizza reviews and he sucks!
He speaks like a third grader.
He hasn't even gotten good at it.
I saw it today.
Somehow I'm watching YouTube.
All my shorts are saying, what the hell is this?
Why am I getting this?
It doesn't have to say.
Look, it doesn't wilt.
I give it a 7 point.
What are we watching?
That's your description?
Cheese is nice.
Nice sauce.
Nice crunch.
What are you doing?
You've done how many pizzas?
This is it?
You haven't expanded your vocabulary, you cretin?
You haven't figured out new ways, new knowledge.
Did you ever watch anybody else?
Did you ever hear what they say?
The fold test, the texture, the semolina.
You know how you describe it?
How you atomize it?
Oh my God!
Hey, this is great!
It's got a nice fold and the cheese is...
You know, normally you get good at something.
You're like, oh, you're pretty good.
Like a sommelier, you know, it's very nice.
It's piquant, yet it's effervescent, bold, yet demure.
I take an aftertaste of, it tastes honeysuckle.
You know how they do that?
That's because when you do something after a while, you kind of get good at it.
He should be one of the morning guys on Fox News.
He has a vocabulary of a three-year-old.
It's the worst thing I've ever seen.
That's American media.
That's it.
Streaming is another story.
And then we have Say what you want about Alex Jones.
Say what you want about Oh, he's crazy.
He's cray-cray.
Oh, he is.
Ooh, he does this stuff.
He does stuff like hanging out with Andrew Tate.
That's the stupidest thing.
I can't stop saying it.
What are you doing?
He's going to bite you in the ass.
Don't you know what this guy's about?
What are you doing?
You don't need this.
Come clean.
You just came on.
Already, by the way, you see what they're doing?
They're having family members of Sandy Hook family victims.
Are now somehow making some kind of connection that maybe somehow, through some weird kind of connection, that maybe, maybe, somehow, I don't know how, but somehow, Elon Musk is responsible or somehow an accomplice to Alex Jones or should be held accountable.
And that stupid, that stupid Piers Morgan, that's another one.
What a fraud this guy is.
My God.
If you lost that British thing, nobody would listen to you.
He doesn't say anything that's even remotely, remotely interesting.
But if you want something good, listen to this stuff.
This is good.
Not everything is a home run, but listen to them talk about these younger folks showing that there's a future in streaming, breaking points, and the rising.
Excellent.
Because they actually have point-counterpoint.
Robbie is his name.
Brianna and Robbie.
He's kind of a libertarian.
And whenever I hear that, do me a favor.
Whenever somebody says they're a libertarian, tell them to shut up.
Libertarian.
There's no such thing as that anymore.
That's a Republican who wants to smoke dope.
Everybody's smoking dope.
That was cool then.
You're not a libertarian.
You're not a libertarian.
What are you?
Some kind of a neoliberal?
What does this mean?
Shut up.
That's so old.
There's no names.
Remember, you're with the opposition.
I tell people all the time, I'm with the opposition.
Whoever you are, I'm with the opposition.
Whatever I'm watching, I'm with the opposition.
Because this can't be it.
Because people don't even approximate what's going on.
Now let me ask you something.
Let me also tell you.
Some great stuff that Alex is doing.
Great stuff.
Alex is opening up.
Alex did a great piece on RT.
Alex did the whole thing on China and breaking into our structure.
It's the best stuff in the world.
And let me also tell you something.
You may not like this.
You may find this to be problematic.
But if you're going to hear something that's really important, really, really critical, you're not going to be hearing it from Laura Ingraham.
You're going to be hearing it from an Alex Jones or an Owen Schroyer or somebody or an Elon Musk.
That's where you're going to hear it.
Not from these idiots on Fox News.
No hits, no runs, no errors.
Just doing the usual stuff.
Make fun of Hillary Clinton.
Make fun of you.
It's so dead.
I'm so sick of it.
And let me also tell you, my friends, back to the Israel thing.
One day you're going to wake up and you're going to find out that Cleveland's been bombed or that there's some railroad station or some amusement park or something.
Somebody detonated something.
And they're going to say, this is because of your involvement in Gaza.
Thanks a lot.
Signed, love Hamas or love Hezbollah, whatever it is.
And you're going to say, those rat bastards.
Okay, good.
Let me ask you something.
I know somebody who says, we've got to bomb Iran.
Actually, people are saying this because they're responsible for funding Hamas.
Okay.
Right?
Okay.
So what you're saying is anybody who funds somebody who hurts somebody, either you or your ally, they're open game.
Yes.
Okay.
So if somebody uses that theory and comes after us because we are funding, we are making available, we are making possible, we are making possible this Horror show in Palestine.
Horror show of what you see.
Do you see what's happening right now?
Let me ask you something.
And I want you to answer my question.
And by the way, later on, if you're listening to this on the phone or you're driving, I want you to read our wonderful, wonderful answers.
Does anybody think, anybody believe that this nonsense, the story about people in Palestine getting hurt, it's all bullshit.
Anybody think that?
There's not 18,000 people killed.
There's no bombing.
They're not.
No, no, no.
It's overdone.
And it's warranted.
And if you feel like that, you can say, listen.
Hamas did this.
This is what they wanted.
Do you see where they say Hamas is stealing food?
Going to Gaza?
They're doing whatever it is.
Do you think that?
Do you think that you're going to say, look.
I don't want to hear anything about Israel.
It's Hamas.
It's their fault, and that's it.
Anybody think that?
Anybody else?
Is this true?
TMZ is reporting that Casey and the Sunshine Band, you see this, honey?
They say that Sad News TMZ is reporting that Harry Wayne Casey of Casey and the Sunshine Band has been hospitalized in critical condition after collapsing during a performance.
Wow.
Casey's Sunshine Van.
Let me see.
Here we go.
Any news?
Let me see news.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Shaking your booty.
Boy, that was a big...
Oh, God, was that big?
huge!
Well, don't see it, but...
Huh?
Well, we don't know about that.
Well, we'll check it out.
I hope not.
Did you hear this terrible story?
Struck and killed by a train.
Death ruled a suicide.
This is so sad.
This is a beloved Pennsylvania news anchor who was struck and killed by a train.
And now her death is being ruled a suicide.
The Erie NewsHour anchor was hit by the train early Monday morning in Fairview Township, where she lived.
The Erie County Coroner's Office investigated the incident and determined the fatal train was a suicide.
Emily was a part of a news team for a decade.
News teams, too.
Remember the fellow in Montclair who was riding his bicycle on the train tracks hit by a train?
Hit by a train, right?
Uh-huh.
What is going on with this thing here?
We had another one, too.
We had a beloved anchor here.
Channel 2. Remember, she just died.
It was a weather woman.
Just boom.
There's a wonderful piece.
Mark Crispin Miller does a...
You should follow him on a substack.
All he does...
All he does is talk about famous, not all he does, but famous people who are either drop dead or sick or they can't.
There's so many, so many people.
I saw a picture of Toby Keith recently.
Oh boy, I hope he gets better.
I hope he is very, it's really, really something.
Let me see something here.
By the way, I change on a dime.
On a dime!
Let me see this.
Where does subs stay?
I never realized.
Here we go.
Look at these things here.
These are the titles of his Do you know who Dutch Mantel is, honey?
He was the guy who had Shoe Baby.
He had a whip.
Dutch Mantel was a wrestler.
He had a whip named Shoe Baby.
And Shoe Baby is the name of our computer.
Shoe Baby was Dutch Mantel.
Erin Stonestreet appears in pain.
Chris Everett diagnosed with cancer.
Kate Micucci's lung cancer surgery.
Hilary Farr's cancer leads her to quit show.
NFL's Jane Slater's mother battling cancer.
Pope Francis and Stephen Colbert are still sick.
Well, this was recently.
Valerie Plant, Mayor of Montreal, collapses at a press conference.
Nurse getting trained in...
It's just...
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Now, I'm going to tell you right now that there's no indication that anybody with a casual observance will say, this is not necessarily connected to COVID, vaccines or otherwise.
I'm telling you, you might think so, but whatever it is.
Because if you go to any, just go to any hospital, and there are people running in constantly all day long.
There's a hospital not too far, right here in the kitchen, St. Luke's Roosevelt.
Now it's something else.
It's where they brought John Lennon, emergency room, right there.
Always busy.
So, if you look at this, you kind of get the wrong impression.
But it is something, though, isn't it?
Once you start paying attention to this, things are happening.
Now, now, now, let me also tell you, good news, good news, good news.
Tucker Carlson is...
And let me say something to you.
How do I say this?
I'm not as much of a fan of him as you are.
But that's not it.
The fact that I'm not a fan doesn't mean anything.
This is Alex's name.
Tucker Carlson announces new network and first guest interview.
The New World's Order Global Abortion Program.
Emergency warning.
Desperate Zelensky may stage false flag to bring NATO into.
Failing Ukraine war?
Certainly not beyond the realm of reason.
Satanic goat skull idol on display at Iowa State Capitol at Christmastime.
What the hell?
Italian health minister gave orders to conceal vaccination deaths.
This book could show.
It goes on and on and on and on and on.
It is just...
Incredible the number of things that are available.
And let me just tell you something right now.
And this goes back to what I told you before.
And I will say this again.
If you're going to find out something about this, where do you think you're going to find it?
Laura Ingram?
You're kidding.
Where were you going to find this?
This new iteration of Fox News, your beloved Fox News, has made a deal with the statist crony capital usual suspects.
And they said, look, we're not going to do anything.
We're going to play this the right way.
So don't worry.
We're not going to say anything about COVID.
We're not going to say anything about anything about vaccinations or anything.
We're going to play it right down the middle.
We will love...
They love war.
They love Israel.
They're not going to do anything to even remotely tell the truth if the truth proves problematic to their bottom line.
Okay, my friend, now listen carefully to this.
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Now remember, There's always a risk of investment, and there's no guarantee of any kind.
But I do guarantee you that I will always tell you the truth.
I will tell you the truth that you may not like.
You may not like.
Let me tell you something.
Fox News lollipops and kittens.
I will take Tucker Carlson, by the way.
Alex...
And God bless Elon Musk because he did everything.
Anything at all.
Anything.
Versus what we have right now.
And let me also tell you something right now, good patriots and great people.
You listen to me very, very carefully.
Freedom of speech is dead.
You have no idea.
And I'm going to tell you this right now.
And I'm going to try my best to tell you this.
I think I told you this on my private channel.
I do various things where I talk the most about Israel like it was any other country.
And that's the link right there.
What is the end game?
What are you doing?
What?
One group of people says that what Israel is doing is they're just doing everything they can to take Palestinians and get Push them out.
Either through settlements, through blowing up Gaza.
Get them out.
Move them out into Egypt.
Move them out over here.
Just get them out.
Now that's cruel, isn't it?
That's brutal.
That's terrible.
That's awful.
That's what some people are saying.
And if you were there in Gaza, you'd say, sounds right to me.
You know, the Israel Ben Shapiro position, and I'm not saying that mockingly, but it's very simple.
It's very consistent.
Hamas started this.
Period.
And if you get Hamas, by the way, Qatar, Iran, Hezbollah, you get Hamas to cut this out, and everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
We told you about this.
We're not going to take this anymore.
You're not going to do this.
We know exactly what you're doing.
And if you think that using human shields is going to stop us routing you, And going after you and prosecuting this war, you're out of your mind.
So listen, folks.
Listen, world.
If one innocent civilian dies, blame Hamas.
We're telling you right now.
They pulled the trigger.
We have it aimed at you.
If you send missiles towards Israel, you have just pulled the trigger.
Don't look at us.
Look at Hamas.
Period.
That's what they're saying.
And it's not...
It's not intellectually unsound, but that's what's going on right now.
Now what's going to happen with young people?
Young people voting for this?
You think young people, young voters are Israel or Palestine?
Which one do you think?
What do you think?
Israel or Palestine?
What do you think?
Any idea?
Any idea?
Israel or Palestine?
Which one do you think?
This evangelical, this case, this woman in Texas who was told she has to have a baby that is going to die.
That will be born and will live, they say, a couple of days.
I'm just assuming this to be true.
There's always a miracle.
God can intervene.
I understand this.
A woman with two kids wants to have an abortion and Texas said, nope.
This is going to be the slippery slope to eugenics and killing Down syndrome.
That's the most stupid thing anybody's ever done.
That just crushed.
And Trump is going to go 100% evangelical.
He's going to do this.
And if you think Trump's an evangelical, you've got to be kidding me.
Remember when you stood in front of that...
Church across from Lafayette Square in D.C., remember that?
He held a Bible up like Dracula, holding up a...
It was weird.
You think Trump is religious?
I mean, are you kidding me?
You think Trump...
Come on, stop it.
That's going to hurt you.
Israel, that's going to hurt you.
Bobby Kennedy, that's going to hurt you.
I'm telling you the truth.
I'm not saying whether that's right or wrong.
That's going to hurt you.
Just like if you're pro-Ukraine, that's going to hurt you.
Hey, all you young people, you know that student debt that could have been wiped out?
We could have done that.
Yeah, but sorry, we give all the money to Ukraine.
Actually, we gave the money to us.
Zelensky's a billionaire.
By the way, he came to D.C. and told me, get out of here.
It's a joke.
So how is this going to pan out?
How is this going to pan out?
Let me ask you something.
What do you think?
Understand this?
Understand what's happening here?
Look at Liz Solak.
God bless her.
Look at Liz.
Let me check this out.
Holy shit.
Oh my God.
I need 300 likes.
What's going on?
Liz is doing it the best.
186 likes.
We can do better then.
We can do better people.
There's Lizzie.
God bless you.
You're right.
What's going on here?
You can't even push about like?
Is that too much work for you?
Well, it's too much work.
It's too much work.
Too much work!
Look, let me tell you something right now.
I've never been this happy in my life.
I shouldn't say that.
We got married.
But I have not seen anything Like this since Elon Musk.
I don't want to hear anybody say, well, you know, I don't really like Elon.
Shut up.
Just shut up.
I don't like Elon Musk.
Who asked you?
What?
Who asked you?
What are you talking about?
It's the best thing that ever happened to anybody.
What are you even remotely suggesting?
You don't like him?
What?
You don't like Elon Musk?
Why don't you like him?
Well, that's this baby stuff people get into.
I don't like him.
You don't like him?
You don't like Elon Musk.
And what don't you like about him?
I don't know.
I just don't.
What?
What?
It's like this weird like stuff.
I don't like him.
Do you know him?
Franklin Pierce.
I don't like him.
I wasn't a big...
I don't know.
This is because what we're doing is we're in this stupid thing where we we how do I say this?
We involve ourselves in these idiotic lunatic forms of oh, what's the word?
This kind of like we're always voting for things, you know.
Hi, did you like our service?
How did you like our service?
You know, vote, you know, did you like our, say I liked your service?
How did we do?
Vote for us.
How did you, did you like our service?
Would you recommend us?
Okay, I recommend you somebody else.
Do you like our service?
Would you stop asking me if you like us?
We're always voting.
How did we do?
What do you think?
How do you do?
Judge us.
Give me a one.
How do we do?
You get five?
So we always, we're just used to always voting on things.
And we have this, it's like, What are you talking about?
The greatest thing that ever happened is Elon Musk coming along.
And the best thing that ever happened was giving Alex Jones.
It's not Alex Jones.
It's our voice.
It's alternative, radical, truth-telling reality.
That's the way it is.
Period.
And I don't want to hear what are we, five years old?
It's true.
This is the best thing that's ever happened.
You know, I don't like him.
I don't know.
We are, I think Liz is right, it's like we're like babies.
This is the greatest thing that's ever happened.
You have no idea.
Did you hear there was some big kerfuffle at the beginning of MSDNC?
Morning M-O-U-R-N?
With Zika?
Meager?
Brzezinski, it was like 15 minutes, they played music, highest ratings they've ever had.
That's the biggest, that is, that is, people on propofol make more sense than that, and they're unconscious.
Ladies and gentlemen, streaming is just, I learned so much.
Last time I was watching a series of things, The Foods of Gaza, and they showed where people live, and how they make things, and they have their rice, and you just see them, and they're just moms and dads, and they're just sitting around.
Anthony Bourdain, and everybody who's there, and everybody who visits it, everybody who visits Palestine, never comes back and says, they got a lot of nerve thinking that what?
They're just asking for it.
They're just asking for it.
Everybody always...
Now, granted, there are some people who are, you know, whatever.
And I'm able to look at you and to tell you, I can see Israel's point.
I can see the citizens' point.
I can see the theory.
The theory.
I know what Israeli military and politics are doing.
I understand it completely.
I understand the position of the Palestinians.
People, I understand what Hamas is doing.
They're a proxy.
I know what Iran's doing and Hezbollah.
I know what's going on.
There's no benevolence going on there.
They don't want to live in peace.
If they could wipe each other out, they'd do it in a heartbeat.
Did you not know this?
Tell me you knew this.
So do me a favor.
Wake up.
Understand what's going on.
That's the way it is.
It's tough.
It's brutal.
I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.
You got it?
Capisce?
Okay?
You got it?
Alright.
We gotta show them a picture of Ed.
Ed is up and we are ready for Freddy.
This thing is just...
I did something yesterday, but I haven't...
I took a box of candy canes and I ate them.
I don't know what the hell happened to me.
I went nuts.
I don't even like that stuff.
It just was so perfect.
What was the history of the candy cane?
Where is it from?
They gave it to kids to keep them quiet in church.
They gave it to kids to keep them quiet in church.
There you go.
There you go.
And I've got to go to a few Christmas parties.
Tomorrow night we might be...
We might have to do it early or something.
I don't know.
We've got to go to a Christmas party.
I'm going for Mrs. L. We gotta go.
I don't wanna go.
But that's okay.
I used to love parties.
When I was younger, I was a maniac.
Maniac!
Now it's like...
I just don't...
I do not...
I...
You know.
But that's okay.
But I will tell you this much.
We're going to kind of a shindig with some of the worst plastic surgery I have ever seen in my life.
And I want to go, and I wish I could say, when you went, did you ask the doctor to make you look like that?
Did you say, do me a favor?
Yeah.
Can you give me those wax lips?
You know, those, remember the wax lips?
Remember those, you bite them and you, remember that?
Can you give me those?
Can you, can you tighten my face?
So it looks like every time I, every time you cross your legs, it looks like she had a beard.
Remember that joke?
There was some weird joke.
You have, you have no idea.
You have no idea.
I'm going to sit there and say, excuse me, because I wish I could just do this.
Do you think you look good?
I'm just curious.
Do you go in the mirror and say, you look great?
God, I love that Craig Breedlove pulling 5Gs in an open cockpit.
That looks great.
Love it.
And you with that rug on your head.
Do you think that I think that's real hair?
I'm just curious.
Do you think that I think...
Who are you doing that for?
You're fooling me, right?
You think I...
I'm just curious.
I just...
It fascinates me.
I don't know where you live.
I don't know if you have a lot of plastic surgery.
But in this town?
Oh, dear God.
Oh, my God.
Whose eyes have you seen?
Who has the worst eye job?
Kenny Rogers?
Kenny Loggins?
Clinton Black had noticed too.
His eyes kind of went...
Tom Cruise.
See that rug on his head?
By the way, Tom Cruise is going to split from...
I think.
I have no inside track.
I think he's going to tell Scientology, it's been nice.
Gave you all my life.
I'm getting out of here.
Travolta didn't want anything to do with him anymore.
Keep an eye on that one.
Who is...
Yeah, Travolta.
Travolta doesn't have a lot of...
I mean, he's from work, but his eyes...
It's the eyes that go.
Who were some of the famous eyes?
Like...
Remember when...
Oh, God.
Who was the one who played something about Mary?
Oh, Cameron Diaz.
Cameron Diaz.
No, no, no.
Not Cameron.
No, no.
I'm sorry.
Bridget...
Remember she had her work done?
She was unrecognizable?
She played the British...
She's an American actress.
The Diary of...
No.
Bridget.
You know what I'm talking about.
Blonde.
Oh, Simon Cowell's eyes.
Whatever happened to that one?
Renee Zellweger, thank you.
Remember that one?
She had it done.
She had to reverse it.
I don't even know who she was.
It looks completely...
What happened?
I think it was...
I don't get that.
There were some...
Oh, Simon Cowles is the worst.
Biden?
Incredible.
I swear to God.
Listen, I don't know about you, but assuming that I mean, look, if you've got something really wrong with you, something, I mean, a real deformation, that's one thing.
Let me say something before I forget.
I just got to get this out of the way because I love this guy so much.
I want to talk to you about, I'm sorry, but I'm going to tell you about this.
And you know what it is.
You know I'm going to bring it up.
That's right.
It's about our friends, our great friends at MyPillow.com.
Let me tell you about my great friends at MyPillow.com.
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You're going to love this one, my friends.
I did a quick little scan because this is petty and it's catty and when in Rome, baby, you know, do as the Romans do.
Check this list of beauties.
I love this one.
I never thought about this.
Number one, Meg Ryan.
Have you seen her lately?
Dear God!
Remember when she was...
Betsy has a word to her.
Lara Flynn Boyle.
Ho!
Ho!
Tara Reid, Michina, Mickey Rourke.
Courtney Cox.
Unrecognizable.
Carrot Top.
Nobody cares.
Angelica Houston.
I saw this picture.
Here's one for you.
Donatella Versace.
Remember that one?
Michael Jackson.
Have you heard of Amanda Lepore?
Wow.
Poor Kenny Rogers with the eyes.
Kenny Loggins.
Absolutely.
And then there was Joan Rivers who was just so bad.
It wasn't funny.
Jennifer Grey.
Completely unrecognizable.
Why they do this?
I have no earthly idea.
I think there was a demented sense of Body dysmorphia.
Okay?
I think it is one of those things which I just, I'm just, I'm fast.
So that's where I'm going to be.
So tomorrow I'm going to be saying like, in a nice way.
In a nice way.
Because Christmas parties at least, this is where you go and you kind of, you have some nog.
I got a good nog every now and then.
What's your favorite kind of nog?
You ever go someplace where they try to sing Christmas carols?
It is the most depressing thing.
One year.
They're going to do that as well?
They pass around pieces of paper.
It's like we're in a prisoner of war camp.
It's sad.
It's so sad.
Nobody can sing.
It's always the wrong key.
It sounds like Charlie Brown.
What?
Oh.
What?
In Latin, in Jesuit high school, we did Latin Christmas carols.
Now one of them was, it was ring, ring, ring the bell.
We run behind the short-tailed mule.
And I say, excuse me, I say, what the hell does this have to do?
Who translated this?
Remember Odessa Fidelis?
See, but that's that church Latin.
The classic ways are...
When we were translating, I did catalytic orations, which is still the best.
Translation, how long have we got to put up with this shit?
That's exactly what he was trying to say.
Exactly.
Well, I didn't say it like that.
Then one time we did these, we had these translations, and I had vagina dentata, or vagina dentate, vagina with teeth in them, the Roman soldiers they met.
I don't know who these people were.
And they would use sticks to determine whether they would be...
Here.
You think I'm kidding, aren't you?
Ah!
Lagina Dentata describes a folktale in which a woman's vagina is said to contain teeth with the associated implication that sexual intercourse might result in injury, emasculation, or castration.
It's a myth, of course.
Oh, it's also in...
North America Hinduism, Iuni lunges, Maori, Western Asia.
But this was big in...
Oh, look at this!
In rare instances, dermoid cysts, a rare type of tuber, may grow in the vagina.
Dermoid cysts are formed from outer layers of embryonic skin cells.
These cells are able to mature into various types of tissues, and these cysts are able to form anywhere in the skin.
is where the skin folds and it it it However, when dermoid cysts occur in the vagina, they are covered by a layer of normal vaginal tissue and therefore appear as a lump, not as recognizable teeth.
Now, imagine you're 15 years old and you're in Latin class, Mr. Peliquin, and you're reading this stuff.
This was the greatest stuff in the world.
And I'm reading it and I'm translating it.
I thought this was the wildest.
And we'd see our friends, you know, because in my Jesuit class, you either took Spanish, French, or Latin, depending upon how you did in the exam.
You took an exam to get in.
If you scored the lower end, you took Spanish.
And many people in Spanish class were Spanish, which I thought was kind of unfair.
French was in the middle, and Latin...
There you were.
So we would always run into each other and say, what are you learning in French, by the way?
Great, I'm doing Wagina Dentata.
Can you beat that?
I don't think so.
What about you, Jose?
What are you learning in Espanol?
Got anything about the...
Oh, Priapus?
Some of the most demented people ever.
And don't forget this particular one, ego vexillo, or you would say ego vexillo, which makes no sense.
Ego vexillo unitorum statuum americai ac rei publicai quam designat fidelitatem spandio uninatione subdeo indivisibili, notice V's or W, cum libertate atque justitia omnibus.
Okay?
I like when people say, I'm out.
Get the hell out.
I'm out of here.
Now you've done it.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Maybe we should reconsider this subject matter.
Why?
Because Barnstormer 1776 is out of here.
Give me a break.
All right, babies.
I've had enough of you.
I've had enough of this.
All right?
Remember.
Thank you for this.
These are great, great, great, great days.
Listen to what I'm saying.
Pay attention.
This is all going to inure negatively to our detriment, I should say, which is redundant, regarding the elections.
But of course, nobody at Fox News is going to talk to you about that.
Okay?
You got that?
Now, let me tell you something right now.
I want you to do me a big, big, big favor.
I want you to go right now.
I want you to sign up immediately.
Immediately for Mrs. L's YouTube channel.
There it is.
And it is beauteous.
There it is.
Sign up.
She has an incredible...
Listen to her interview with Esther...
What's her name?
Esther Valdez Clayton.
An immigration lawyer.
It'll blow your mind.
Alright, my friends, we'll see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning, same bad time, same bad channel.
8 a.m. Eastern Time.
Until then, remember, the monkey's dead.
The show's over.
Sue ya.
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