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Nov. 23, 2023 - Lionel Nation
54:12
The JFK Assassination: Coverup Conspiracy and Inside Job

The JFK Assassination: Coverup Conspiracy and Inside Job

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I keep thinking today, all day, about JFK.
And JFK is thinking, he's sending down a message.
He's saying, look what they did to me.
Find out what they did.
Look what they did to me.
I'm giving you clues.
I'm giving you my body.
My brain, but they took it.
They stole it.
They stole the evidence.
They killed witnesses.
Look what they did to me.
Find out why they did this.
I know it sounds kind of corny.
The first time I ever saw a picture, and this is not for the weak, but for the remains of a child.
I forget what it was.
Years ago, there was this...
It's...
It's horrific.
And, you know, the crime scene photos.
And I was so, what the hell is this?
There's balloons.
I'm talking about crime scene and all of a sudden there's balloons.
If you can figure out what this is, let me know.
Here I am talking about finding dead people and children and there's balloons.
What is this?
I swear to you.
I have no idea, so forgive me.
I had nothing to do with that.
But I've always been fascinated with pathology, forensic pathology, and the bodies are telling you, look what they did.
I'm giving you clues.
Look at the case of a person who's found.
Look at the livor mortis.
Look at the lividity.
Look at the color, the algor mortis, the rigor mortis, the temperature of the body.
Look, I'm giving you Hints and clues.
And that's what JFK is saying.
Look what they did to me.
Find out why did they...
And in RFK, that absolutely was a hit.
They found stippling.
They found powder burns behind the ear.
Does anybody care?
I don't understand this.
I keep saying they don't care.
They don't care.
Nobody cares.
And if you do care too much, they call you a conspiracy theory and a nut.
We'll talk about that.
Also, today at the Canadian border, did you hear what happened?
Did you hear the latest?
This is terrorism!
It's coming here!
And the good news is, on a different note, Susan Sarandon and these other lunatics, there was this crazy guy who yelled at some poor Egyptian fellow serving coffee in a...
They're talking about, go back to Mohammed.
What is the matter with people?
I don't understand.
I don't live in this world.
I don't recognize anybody.
I don't...
And then tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
Everybody's going to be all happy.
It's like, this world sucks.
It's sick.
It's sick.
I don't know what to tell you anymore.
I don't know.
I don't fit in.
Do you hear me?
I don't fit in.
I don't fit into this world.
I don't fit in.
I don't fit in.
And something tells me you don't either.
And that's a good thing.
Alright, dear friends.
Please make sure you like this video, subscribe to the channel, and all that bullshit.
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Make so much sense.
It's so incredibly important.
Where do I begin, my friends?
To tell a story!
Terrorism is here!
Did you ever have any doubt about that?
Did you ever?
What do you want?
It's coming!
Dramatic video shows a car going airborne before exploding near the Canada, New York-Canada border.
Wow!
Unbelievable!
Look at this right now, my friends.
This is something else.
Look at this.
The stories.
fbi They had the Rainbow Bridge crossing between U.S. and Canada.
The vehicle was heading from the U.S. to Canada and was going in the direction of the border office building.
Interesting.
All bridges were closed in the area and all government buildings and whatever.
The explosion was so big and fierce that the authorities first thought it was a terrorist attack.
Well...
New York Governor Kathy Hochul said the incident happened at 11.27 a.m. when someone driving a car crashed into a median.
She added that there's no sign that the incident was a terrorist attack, adding that a local individual was involved.
Mm-hmm.
Who's believing that?
You believe anything anybody says?
I believe nothing.
Nothing that anybody says about anything.
Nothing.
Nothing.
They lie!
Kathy Hochul, the worst of the worst of the worst.
Oh my God, is she horrible.
She's so horrible.
They all are horrible.
She's part of these crazy, lunatic, lefty, whatever these people are.
They're demented.
They're demented.
This is just, they're just, I don't, did you hear the latest one too?
Oh, you're going to...
This kills me.
This kills me, too.
Now, please, just so that you kind of put yourself in the position of trying to figure out what the hell's going on with these people, Joe Biden is deciding all of a sudden...
Not him, he's not deciding anything, but his administration.
Let's go after menthol cigarettes.
What the hell are you talking about, menthol cigarettes?
And blacks and Latinos and whatever are going nuts!
Ape shit!
Bat shit!
They're going crazy over this.
Why?
They said, you understand?
There's going to be crime now.
Why?
Menthol cigarettes!
Menthol cigarettes!
You can't do this!
There's going to be crime!
They're going to go to heroin and say, wait a minute, menthol cigarettes?
First of all, why not cigarettes?
Why menthol cigarettes?
I never understood the African-American community and Latino.
I guess they're just, you know, don't take away my menthol cigarettes when they peel it from my cold, dead fingers.
What the hell is going on here?
What the hell is going on here?
They're claiming that now they're going to find other means.
I don't know.
They're going to go to cannabis?
And at the same time, listen to this, at the same time the Biden administration is trying to lower the criminal sanctions and criminal penalties for cannabis, for weed, for pito.
Do you get this?
Does any of this make any sense to you?
What the hell?
Huh?
Huh?
Does this make any sense?
Did you know?
Is this something?
Any black folks here?
Is this?
I thought it was kind of like a, well, not racist, but people would say, like, malt liquor or pepperoni.
You can't, the Italians are going to, you know, I mean, yeah.
There's a connection, kind of, but this much?
I don't understand it.
Have I been naive?
You mean to tell me that the brink, that society has been on the brink of collapse only because menthol cigarettes remained unfettered, un-whatever, for the love of God?
What are you talking about here?
My goodness gracious!
It's nuts!
Crazy!
Absolutely crazy.
And at the same time, see if you can dig this, at the same time, at the same time, they're saying, let's lower the cannabis.
I don't understand.
I do not understand anything about any of this stuff.
I also heard it was a great story where Daryl Hall is suing John Oates.
Ah!
Can you believe that one?
Oh yeah, Hall& Oates.
They're going crazy.
They're suing each other.
For I don't know what, per se, but they're suing each other.
And what's interesting also, what I find kind of interesting, is that there's this row going on.
I don't know why that interests me so much, but I always love...
Behind the scenes.
Here's another story too which has nothing to do with anything.
Nothing.
Okay, ready for this?
But I'm going to tell you anyway because I love you and I'm going to tell you the truth.
Tom Cruise wears a wig.
Okay, I don't want to break this to you.
I'm sorry, but he wears a wig.
It's a wig.
It's a piece.
It's a wig.
Okay, it's a wig.
It's a wig.
It's a rug.
That's what you're talking about.
Mick Jagger, it's a rug.
Come on!
The guy's 80 years old.
You don't have thick brown hair.
Come on, bullshit!
Anyway.
So the Daily Mail says, hey, he dyed his hair.
It's a wig!
Tom Cruise, what are you talking about?
How can they...
I've got to understand this.
With all this going on, they must have this party where, hi, Daily Mail, yeah, listen, I'm going to send you...
How much for you to...
Write a piece that says I'm rocking it in my red bikini.
Okay, we'll say that you've got money.
They had a woman the other day.
I swear to God, the last thing in the world you would ever say is, hey, she's not rocking anything.
But they pay for this.
Like Jeff Bezos and that thing he's going to marry.
Whatever that thing is.
I don't know.
How are Lex Friedman?
Oh my God.
Is this guy a suck up and a sell out?
Lex, what are you doing?
I had a wonderful time meeting Jeff Bezos.
We had burgers.
Hey, schmuck, he's buying you.
Just admit it.
He's a gazillionaire.
Okay, but please, don't try to pretend like, no, he's really a great guy.
It's like, Lex, you're hanging around Elon Musk?
You're hanging around this guy?
You're hanging around Sam Altman and all these other people?
Because money makes people crazy.
There are people that I know.
One in particular.
I don't know him that well, but he's a billionaire.
Bonafide billionaire.
This guy is so boring.
Nobody would give him the time of day for a variety of reasons.
Because he's a billionaire, they can't get enough of him.
I've seen it before a million times.
There's another one I know.
A woman has...
Absolutely.
Nobody, she's annoying, annoying, annoying, okay?
But because people think she has money, I'm thinking, do they think she's going to give them money?
Why are you, what do you care?
Oh, she's got so much money.
But she's not going to give you any money.
Somebody has herpes, they're not going to give you that either.
Why are you, why do we do this?
So this Lex Freeman, I thought he had some kind of, I don't know, I don't know.
It's just such a, I met Jeff Bezos.
It's wonderful.
Oh, I'd be even more so.
Jeff, I'll interview you, but it's going to cost you half a million dollars.
I'm going to pay you.
Have you seen that David, Bet, David, Bet, Bet, David, whatever his name is?
The worst!
God bless him.
The most...
I mean, this guy, I don't think he really...
I don't understand any of this.
I don't...
From...
You have no idea.
Daily Mail says, it's a wig!
He didn't dye his hair!
Then they go, menthol cigarettes!
And today, the story of stories, 60th anniversary of John Kennedy's assassination.
Nobody cares about it.
Nothing!
They whacked him.
They blew his brains out.
And what was left of his brains, they stole it.
And they dropped it.
They dropped, theoretically, a bullet in the back of the car, and there was a bullet.
I mean, it is...
And they said, do you think there's a conspiracy there?
Would you stop this?
They whacked him.
It was a conspiracy.
Lee Harvey Oswald could have very well not known anything that day, and they killed him immediately.
What is the matter with people?
What is the matter?
I was talking to a friend of mine today.
I said, look, it's a free country.
You can do whatever.
He goes, I'm getting a natural turkey.
I said, you're not getting a natural turkey.
He said, turkeys don't grow.
I said, it's a 25-pound turkey.
Trimmed!
Some wild, maybe whole with all the guts and the hair and the feathers.
You're eating turkeys.
You don't have breasts like this.
This is filled with hormones and what are you doing?
This is not real.
There's nothing natural about this.
No, it's organic.
What do you mean organic?
It's a processed turkey.
It's filled with recombinant DNA.
God only knows what you're putting.
Just look.
Eat it.
That's fine.
Whatever.
Well, this makes you sleepy.
Don't give me that tryptophan nonsense either.
That's another myth.
What are you talking about?
Turkey?
There is probably more cholesterol.
People say, cholesterol is not...
This is what Marty McCary, he says, there's nothing wrong with saturated fat.
I don't know where the hell this guy goes.
I wish somebody would say, I got a friend of mine, talked to him today.
He says, well, look, he's my age.
He goes, well, we're on the back nine.
I'm eating my butterball honey-baked ham and a butterball turkey.
I say, okay.
Just the way it is.
Just say what it is.
The world we live in, this world of...
I don't know what we live in.
I don't even know what.
How about this one?
Are you going away for Thanksgiving?
No, we're going to go inside a closet and hide.
What do you mean?
Why did they ask you that question?
First of all, who are you?
I don't even know you.
Why are you asking me?
What are you going to do for Thanksgiving?
What?
Thanksgiving.
What's that?
What?
What's Thanksgiving?
You know, the holiday.
I've never heard of it.
That's a good one.
Try that one.
When is that?
Is that every year?
Thanksgiving!
Is that a holiday?
Anyway.
Then, how many of you dear folks watch the Macy's Day Parade?
That is such a piece of garbage.
That's such a garbage.
Oh, it's garbage.
Do the lip syncing and this.
Remember they got the Al Roker?
Hey, Al Roker!
It's horrible.
One morning, I went to, it was on WABC, and it was the coldest morning.
We used to have snow here.
Snow, I mean, snow, piles of it.
You couldn't, you had to cross exactly at the corner where they shoveled a little space.
No jaywalking.
And one Christmas, or one Thanksgiving, it was so Cold.
And I had to make it to the studio and everything else was closed down because of this stupid thing.
And anyway, they are tonight.
Are they blowing up the balloons tonight?
Tonight?
I don't understand it.
Hey, look, there's Snoopy.
Anyway.
They do this.
Kids love it every year.
And it's just dumb.
The commentary.
And they always end up in Macy's.
Where they do this terrible lip syncing.
Remember during COVID?
That was the best.
That was the best.
Nobody was out.
Nobody got near each other.
And we go through this stuff.
And you know, I just, I'm thinking to myself, and nobody mentioned JFK.
They killed the president on TV.
See you next time.
On TV.
I'm still traumatized by it.
Nobody cares.
Bobby Kennedy.
How about Bobby Kennedy?
They whacked your father.
I think the CIA did it.
Really?
Really?
Good for you, Bobby.
Thanks for clearing this.
I give up.
What the hell am I so upset about?
Kennedy family's not upset.
They're only upset with Bobby because he dared to lift the lid off of the COVID nonsense.
It just...
And I'm getting very upset over the fact of Hall and Oates.
They got a restraining order against him.
Okay?
I do like Daryl's house.
You ever watch that?
Where was that?
Not Putnam or Pelham or was it in that city?
In Dutchess County where we drive by?
It starts with a P. Anyway, it's right there.
Kathy Hochul says, there are no indications of terror attack in the Canadian border.
I don't believe it.
Yeah.
We're sending our stuff to Obama's former National Security Council Chief is arrested after a violent Islamic outburst at New York City Halal, who he asked, did you...
Well, I'm not going to read this.
This is horrible.
He was arrested?
Arrested for what?
He was arrested for a few weeks now.
Okay, that was good.
He was...
Pauling.
appalling that's it Why would they arrest...
I guess...
He several times was harassing him.
Arrested after shock?
But I'm saying, this is, what is this, what does harassment mean?
I'm just curious.
He had been arrested and is currently in custody.
I want to see what they arrested this guy for.
Haker.
I'm reading, I read the whole thing.
Seldowitz, who was Deputy Director in the U.S. State Department's Office of Israel and Palestinian Affairs.
Deputy Director.
I'm not going to read this out loud.
I don't even want those words anywhere in any kind of algorithm.
but for the love of God.
you Thank you.
See, I got a real problem with this.
Harassing?
First of all, in New York?
Harassing?
I don't know about this.
I've got to learn more about this.
This bothers me more.
See, this is where most people should be, wait a minute, they should be, whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you mean harassing?
What does that mean, harassing?
See, I'm all for, you know, being nice and everything, but I'm not for necessarily limiting free speech because to harass somebody in New York, everywhere you go is harassment.
You know that when I was a prosecutor, we had no such thing as, no such crime as, What the hell is it called?
Stalking.
It didn't exist.
Stalking?
Yeah, that guy's following me.
Did he threaten you?
No, he's just going to give me the heebie-jibbie.
Well, now it's obviously, it has changed drastically, okay?
But what an idiot.
The same thing for the Sousa Surrounder.
What is with people?
What is it?
Why are you going to go up to some poor guy?
He's serving you coffee.
He's serving you coffee.
It has nothing to do with this.
Leave him alone.
And the same thing for Susan Sarandon.
Well, look at the Jews.
They're going to know what it feels like to be a Muslim.
Susan, there you go.
77. You're on the back nine.
It's over with.
Hey, Thelma and Louise.
It's over.
You should be lucky to even be.
Who do you think you are?
She's an idiot.
Who do these people are?
I don't.
Look at this.
Now you're scared.
Four bully teens charges adults with the beating death of this Jonathan Lewis.
This is the worst picture.
See this poor picture of this guy, Jonathan Lewis?
Please.
Remember, everybody should have a picture that they should go to.
In the event of my tragic death.
Release this picture.
Remember when Ron Goldman?
Remember Ron Goldman?
They had this picture of him wearing a sash around his head like he's even a posh dancer.
That's the best picture you've got?
How about when Zimmerman...
What was his name?
The kid?
Oh, God.
Remember when Zimmerman killed him?
The kid we thought was like a...
Trayvon Martin.
Remember that?
I said, that son of a bitch killed a little baby, a little kid.
He's eight years old.
Then I said, who's that?
Who's that?
That's Trayvon Martin.
That's Trayvon Martin?
What's this?
Well, that's when he was like four.
I said, why would you release a picture when he's four?
For obvious reasons.
This guy said, oh.
Self-defense.
A four-year-old kid with a little mortarboard?
What are you talking about?
Anyway, this is one of these very tragic things.
But the stories are just demented today.
Hunter Biden shops for slippers and President's grandkids go out for family coffee in windy Nantucket.
Hunter Biden, why he is not?
I don't understand it.
How is this man not in prison?
I don't understand this.
You got it?
Okay.
Disgruntled open AI workers who left before Sam Altman's brief ouster claimed they were pushed out to transition for the for-profit model.
I know nobody gives a damn about this story, but it's one of the best stories ever.
It truly is.
Sam Altman and his...
This guy's going to own the world.
I'm just going through memory lane here.
Chris Mad Dog Russo baffles fans with bizarre JFK conspiracy theory live on ESPN's first take.
Oh, at least he's talking about it.
Let's see what Mad Dog Russo.
Have you seen him?
I think he's brain damaged.
But that's me.
I'm no neurologist.
He said...
If anybody out there thinks that Lee Harvey Oswald did that by himself, they're taking gummies with me.
That's true.
Absolutely.
The latter part of the statement refers to Russo admitting to taking edibles before watching football games in his days off.
Lee Harvey Oswald, that was not a solo deal with the president of the United States.
Of course.
And they say this is a bizarre...
Look at this.
This is the Daily Mail.
They call this a bizarre...
Lee Harvey Oswald did not shoot him.
I don't think he hit him once.
At all.
Carlos Hathcock, the greatest sniper in the history of the world, couldn't replicate the shot on his best day.
What is the matter with this?
Oh, here we go.
Let's have this game.
Ready for this?
Let's play these stupid, stupid every year stories.
What am I trying to say?
Regarding these Thanksgiving, these things, for example, they'll say, well, that's right, welcome back.
Janice will be talking about what do you do with the leftovers to make some, and how can we keep those pounds down during the holidays?
And what's the best?
And they've been doing the same thing forever and ever and ever.
And it's the same story.
And let me tell you something right now.
If I hear Black Friday one more time, the word Black Friday, unless it's a Steely Dan song, I hate this.
It's Black Friday this, Black Friday that.
Listen, can we all just say a read of one thing?
Thanksgiving is just stupid.
It's great to be with family.
Believe me, your family, when they kick your most obnoxious relatives, you're going to say, damn, they're all just dead.
Gone.
So remember that when you're sitting there, I mean, some are, let's face it, some aren't that great.
And as you're arguing about Trump, or I hope you don't get into the Israel-Hamas thing, but it's really kind of a stupid holiday.
Women, for the most part, have to do all the work, still.
It's this idea of putting together weird food concoctions that you would never, ever, ever have.
Why do people have turkey?
I have no idea.
What's the connection?
I don't know.
It's tradition.
I understand that.
What's the big deal?
I don't know.
You should have steak.
Have the stuff you really like, especially.
But no, you go to these weird things with nuts and chestnuts and weird.
You're forced to eat.
It's a strange thing.
It's very woody, you know, and pies and stuff that you normally do.
I don't like pies.
Simple question.
Pie or cake?
Simple question.
Can you handle this?
Can you handle this today?
Very simple.
Pie or cake?
Pie or cake?
That's it.
Answer my question.
That's all.
I want to ask you a question.
Pie or cake?
Answer my question.
Very simple.
Pie or cake?
I don't mean the 3.14.
Pie or cake?
Okay.
Patricia, pie.
Pie.
Demented.
Pie?
Pie?
Ridiculous.
Nobody likes pie.
Nobody.
Nobody.
Nobody has pie at all.
Nobody has a birthday pie.
You don't have pie.
Never.
Never.
You take two flimsy pieces of whatever this, kind of like the construction aspect of it, and you throw fruit and crap in there that you don't really take.
It's like it doesn't know what it wants to be.
Cake is solid.
Cake gives you exactly what it wants to be.
This is it.
There's a flavor.
We're not going to put any fruit in it.
It's nothing but fruit.
Pie is like you're trying to construct it.
Let's throw something in there.
And by the way, apples, apples to me, I like if they're cold, not if they're heated.
Don't like them.
Then you get into this weird thing.
Okay, pumpkin.
All right.
Okay, that's it.
Only if you cover it up.
Pecan pie.
All right.
Maybe, if you insist, cherry.
Absolutely not.
Blueberry, uh-uh.
Nope.
Now we're getting too strange.
Peach, stop it.
Sweet potato pie.
What is this?
A period piece movie?
What is this, Hallmark?
And there's this damn thumb.
What is going on here?
Why do we eat this crap?
Nobody likes it.
Nobody.
Though there is a woman on Instagram who puts together some pie stuff that's pretty interesting.
All her...
The way she concocts the fruit.
I'm telling you, you don't like this.
During the year, you could have this crap anytime you want.
You never have it.
Never.
You don't want it.
But cake?
You go to a French...
Look at this.
We were watching...
Mrs. L and I are into this thing now.
We're addicted to this.
These French travel YouTube pieces.
How to travel?
This is a way.
You know what's turning me on?
I don't think I want to go to France.
I think I've had enough of this.
I'm watching this again.
I don't want to go there.
Paris?
Definitely not.
Not interested.
We have lived here for 30 years in France and Paris and we want you to know how to live like we do.
Let's go to this place.
Look.
They have We have, oh, a piece of cheese and an apple.
Oh, boy.
Living it up.
Look, it has a tart, a baguette.
It's the best baguette.
Really?
Bread does this to you, huh?
Really?
I'm going to go all the way here for this crunchy bread?
All right.
And we have a nice piece of, look, now the pastries, if you're into that stuff, they are very good.
But if you go to this, excuse me, yes.
Is this the pastisserie?
Yes.
Is it boulangerie?
Yes.
Do you have pie?
What?
Pie?
No.
No, we don't do pie.
The greatest dessert, am I right?
Do they have pies?
Uh-uh.
The greatest, Jacques Torres and the greatest, Chocolatiers and blah, blah, blah, the bulldoggy, Jean-Sophon, Jean-Sophon, Jean-Sophon, Jean-Sophon.
No pies.
Nothing.
But cake?
Custards?
Little kind of tarts and things like that?
Yes.
Pie?
Uh-uh.
Not interested.
What does that tell you?
We have a pretend drinking game.
Every time this woman says amazing, we imagine taking a shot.
But we watch these things.
And I'm fascinated by Just how you don't have to travel.
We, put it this way, the Louvre, never.
Never.
Not interested.
Thank you very much.
Mona Lisa?
Uh-uh.
Not interested.
Eiffel Tower?
Not on your life.
Never.
So we watch these travel things and we say, I don't want to go there.
Not interested.
Okay?
Now I want a dessert again.
Now I want a dessert.
Look at these people.
Look at this.
Art de Triomphe.
John McGuire couldn't get higher says, so where would custard pie fall into the ranking?
You know, it's interesting.
There are these things like a flang or flan.
Those are pretty good.
Those are kind of like, okay.
Those are...
That's pretty good.
You know, I like that.
It's kind of a weird thing.
It's like a gelatin.
I can't eat Jell-O.
Can't do that.
It's like it's...
You get into this weird...
I like to think of things in terms of the...
Kind of a continuum.
Puddings.
And...
You know...
Custard.
And then...
The custard, you know, if you take the custard and you start putting crumbs around it, then it turns into a pie, you know what I mean?
How about like Boston cream pie?
No.
No.
What's interesting to watch, though, is how somebody would have thought, somebody somewhere said, I got an idea, yeah.
Let's take something and make it almost like a suspension, and that became like puddings, and then they became...
Like, for example, soups.
Do you ever think about this?
Broth, consomme, soups, stews, chowders, bouillabaisse, you know, there's all different types of it.
But there's so much to this.
It's fascinating.
Don't you love the fact that I've been breaking this down for you?
You never thought about this, did you?
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That's true, my friends.
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In any event.
Well, listen, dear friends and pals and great, great, great folks and the like, we're going to do a show tomorrow morning.
I'm curious, what are you doing?
I'm just curious.
What is it that you're doing tomorrow?
Anyone?
Emergency pie stash prepared?
Anybody?
What is everyone doing?
Just curious before we end this wonderful whatever it is that we're doing.
Cooking.
Working.
Working.
876-530 on lyrics from a song titled Jenny.
You didn't know this?
It was Tommy Two-Tone.
8-6-7-5-3-0-9.
8-6-7-5-3-0-9.
I remember the people who had that number were bothered and harassed.
Was it Tommy Two-Tone?
8-6-7-5-3-0-9.
I think it was Tommy Two-Tone, wasn't it?
Jenny, yep, Tommy Two-Tone.
Yep, and it was in the year, it was 1981.
There are some shows or some songs that are just forever in our mind.
And that's one of them.
My Sharona.
You know what it wonders?
I hear the secrets that you sleep.
When you're talking, you sleep.
The vapors, I think it is.
Love that stuff.
Eating relatives.
Eating with relatives?
Please.
Avoiding relatives?
We do this thing where everybody, I love it because I, you know, I think everybody's nuts and they don't realize this, but I love to Catalog strange behavior.
And there's nothing better than any kind of a get-together where you are into this faux magnificence of, I say, isn't this fun?
Where you force yourself into it?
Where you force yourself?
But do think about your relatives.
Wouldn't it be great if you had your parents back and you could say, you know what?
I really, I really, I didn't, I was horrible.
I should have told you this.
I didn't, I was stupid.
I mean, you can't regret it, but I'm sure everybody thinks that to an extent.
So if you have parents and they're alive, God bless you.
And I can't tell you, because believe me, when they're dead, you're going to say, you know what?
You know, I had such great, I had some of the best.
My father's side, not my mother's side, my father's side, they were the best.
They were so interesting.
Just so, and I loved, they were very, very, it were nuts.
We had one relative, actually my mother's side, where all of a sudden we just stopped talking.
I was like, are we talking to them?
We're not talking, what happened?
I don't know.
They're not talking to us.
They're not talking to us.
What the hell did we do?
I don't care.
I don't know.
Cousins are very strange to realize.
Wow.
Because cousins are weird because you're saying, by what connection are you?
You're not even on the phylogenetic tree.
You're saying, wow, what is this?
I wish I could go into detail.
I'm always afraid of...
I'm always afraid of...
Somehow, I was like, they're all dead.
I don't want to say anything where I kind of embarrass somebody, but no.
We had one relative years ago who...
He blew off half of his hand, well, almost all of his hand.
He was hunting.
Put a rifle against a fence or something, was a young man, and blew off.
So he kind of had like the Tommy Lucchese.
He was great at hitchhiking, basically, is all this man could do.
And was very, very eccentric.
And one day, decided somehow that he collected...
I wasn't there, but they said it was Thompson's submachine gun.
I said, Thompson?
Yeah.
So he shows up.
He has, like, I don't know, one on a stand.
The story goes, if it's some event, somebody lived in the woods, and all of a sudden they hear...
And he's outside with this thing with a banana.
And he's shooting into the...
Can you imagine some, you know, belief collector?
Oh, look, a maple sapling right in the neck.
These are demented.
These are demented.
I had bootleggers all on both sides of the family.
Both sides.
One, a cop who was corrupt and was a bootlegger and used to deliver the booze with my grandmother.
This would be her father, my great-grandmother.
My grandmother And her mother, my great-grandmother, they were in the back of a car and they had these dresses that were these boats.
They had hooch and bottles and they would take my grandmother and the guy with the hand before he lost him and they were in the back looking innocent so anybody would look in and say, okay, you can go.
And they were basically smugglers.
This is my provenance.
This is what I'm about.
I got a picture one time.
You can't see it, but this is my Uncle Nick years ago.
And my grandfather bought a car and apparently it was a lemon or I don't know what it was.
So my uncle, my father's Uncle Nick, went to this guy and said, you hosed my brother-in-law.
I'm going to be back at whatever it is.
Ask around.
Ask who I am.
This is my name.
I'll be back.
Came back and the guy asked around, had the money.
We're sorry.
He says, you know what?
You're never going to do this again to somebody.
So he went outside, took a gallon of gas, poured it over the car, and lit it.
Years later, the story goes that when, again, a bootlegger, this is in Tampa, That when they got word, they had underground, they would go to Cuba a lot and get rum and all this stuff, and they had it in the backyard or somewhere underground.
Something happened.
I don't know, they said, well, it was in the straw that the bottles were contained in.
I don't know why that would be poisonous, but something was wrong.
So they got a call that there was going to be a raid.
So there were three partners.
One went down into the cellar or the silo, whatever the hell it was.
He didn't come back up.
Second one went down there.
He didn't come back up.
And they found my uncle Nick trying to take these two guys up this ladder and they all succumbed to whatever this noxious, poisonous fumes were.
It's very interesting.
I always heard about this guy.
I always heard about him.
Everybody knew.
Oh, your Uncle Nick.
That was your grandmother's brother, Nick.
Oh, he was a great Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.
So one day I happened to, just out of happenstance, I walked into this.
There was a cigar place.
And Tampa always had these great little places to buy cigars.
Little, tiny.
And they were all these original cigar makers, or cigars, they would say.
So I met this guy named Joe.
And I don't know how old he was.
So we're talking and he goes, where are you from?
Who's your family?
I don't know how I don't know how we got into it.
This was 40 something years ago.
I guess.
Yeah.
So I said, yeah, I met Nick and whatever.
He goes, wait a minute.
You mean Nick?
So he goes, that was my best friend.
I said, what?
What?
He said, yeah, he's my best friend.
You knew him?
Knew him.
We said, go to Havana and hookers and this.
I said, wait a minute, wait a minute.
You're talking about this?
So I went home.
I said, guess who's got some stories about this sainted, vaunted man?
Yeah, I went to hookers and Cuba and he got into fights and he was going to clap.
I like the story.
I like them.
Last story very quickly.
Had to probate a will.
We had a relative in the family who's really nuts.
Kind of eccentric.
So we're probating this will.
I'm getting death certificates to kind of do all this stuff and I'm finding her her ex-husband.
His death certificate.
I'm reading the cause of death in order of importance.
Number one cause of death according to this tertiary syphilis.
That's why she's nuts.
Here I am, coming home.
Guess what?
What?
More news.
Oh, you mean the Uncle Nick news?
No, no, this is even better.
This is another uncle.
You know why so-and-so is crazy?
Read it and weep.
He died of syphilis.
This is my family.
This is the provenance.
This is why I'm who I am.
You know what?
I love the fact that there was very, very, there was a lot of interesting kind of love and quirkiness, and you had to stand out.
You had to do something to stand out, or else you were just blending in the scenery.
And they kind of appreciated being different.
You know, when I was a kid, nobody ever told me, don't say anything, you're a kid.
Keep your mouth shut.
Never.
Never.
It was something I never forget.
They always said, you can join us, just keep up with us.
And I did.
And now they're all gone.
But my memory of them.
And you will never know them, and you will never, you know, but it's like there's a...
I'm going to say something that sounds really weird, but I'm going to say it.
There's a...
There's a spirit.
There's an energy.
It's like when...
Somebody sometimes leaves the room and you can still smell their cologne.
They're still there.
They're with us.
And the very fact that I'm thinking of them right now is that there's some kind of a challenge.
I'm not saying they're talking to me or through me, but there's something weirder and stranger.
If you're lucky to have a very eclectic group of people, my cousins were all practical purposes.
Boring.
Boring.
I was the one who stood out.
Absolutely.
Without a doubt.
You would not recognize I always wanted to perform, and I don't know why.
I was a freak.
But that's enough.
Alright?
Alright, friend.
Look at this.
Somebody's mother said children should be seen and not heard.
Bullshit!
Absolutely not.
Kids are just...
They are so...
That's why it's so important what Mrs. L and I do.
Well, she does not me.
They always want to make kids feel like they're special.
And that they're funny.
And that whatever they do is great.
And sometimes you want to see them perform.
Anytime you can ever have anybody in your family, any kid, any of your children who wants to perform, please cultivate that.
Curate that.
Make sure you do that.
Make sure you do.
Alright dear friends, that's enough.
You have a great, great time.
Wasn't this fun?
DNA test.
Closest relative, our mother's brother's wife's sister.
Wow.
I don't know.
I'm not sure if I want to do a DNA test.
But by the way, I always tell this one, you know, and I've said this for a long time, my father's father was from Puerto Rico.
And he was dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark.
Dark.
Very dark.
Dark.
Yes, dark.
Dark.
My father was very dark.
My grandfather was really dark.
Hey!
I said to my mother, you know, if I didn't know better, you look at this.
I swear to God, my sister and I called him Uncle Ben.
We didn't know anybody.
He looked just like...
I didn't do anything of it.
So could there be some degree of negritude that I share?
Could be.
I don't know.
Heterogeneity, baby.
Heterogeneity.
I think we're a mutt.
The more, the merrier.
Just saying, I don't know.
I don't know.
I think all that stuff doesn't...
Because either way you look at it, I'm American.
So just understand something.
That's why I'm not doing that 23andMe national nonsense.
Believe me.
They're going to come back and say, we found nothing.
You don't have any DNA.
There's nothing about you that in any way resembles a human genome.
All right, dear friends.
You have a great day.
Wasn't that fun?
So, President Kennedy, I'm sorry.
I tried.
I really tried.
And a lot of us tried to do it.
But nobody cares.
You know?
Nobody cares.
But we care.
And we'll never forget.
Alright, dear friends, you have a great and glorious day.
See you tomorrow.
Same bad time, same bad channel.
We'll do an early one and then we're going to...
Mrs. Ellen and I are going to hit the road and do that Thanksgiving thing.
Can you imagine having me over at your place?
Can you imagine that?
Me?
I'm going to raffle me off one year.
One year, whoever wins gets me.
I show up and I will make people say, who in the hell was that?
That's what I do.
Alright, we love you.
Don't ever change anything.
Sincerely, my friend.
See you tomorrow at 8am.
Thanks for being with us.
Until then, remember, the monkey's dead.
The show's over.
Sue ya.
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