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I am as petty and as childish and as inane and vapid and vacuous and spiteful and smiteful and crude and rude and mean and nasty as...
The next person.
But I hide it.
I hide it.
That's the thing.
You can be that.
Just hide it.
Don't let people see it.
Oh, I'm as normal and as base and as vile and as crude and as name it, but I hide it.
I don't exhibit it.
You can be a meth addict and not use.
You could be basically a psychopath, but never events, never indicate, never show that.
So just because you have a tendency, just because your innermost tendency, predisposition, predilection, your tendency to act in a particular way, doesn't mean you have to do it.
You can think it.
The great Bob Grant, one of the original conservative talk show hosts, used to say, you know, I can't say right now what I want to say, but I can think it.
And what you thought he was going to say was invariably worse than anything.
He actually said.
Because your imagination did it.
And Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump do something every single time.
And I don't know why.
They don't have to.
I understand why they do it.
But as an adult, and as somebody who's trying their best to participate in changing the course of American history, you don't do this.
Do you know what it is?
I'm going to tell you.
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Alright.
What does Tucker Carlson do?
First.
Let's look at what he is.
Analyze him.
It's very important to analyze.
Look at the people and look at what's happening.
In the old days of Dan Rather and Walter Cronkite, knew what Dan Rather was about.
You have to know what Dan Rather was about.
He's following in the footsteps of the grand man, the grand master, the old timer, Walter Cronkite.
And there was an enmity there and that kind of said everything.
Okay?
Remember Geraldo Rivera who announced he's just watching or walking away from Fox News?
What was Geraldo Rivera about?
Geraldo Rivera was about, or Jerry Rivers, or Horrendo Revolver.
I think, wasn't that on...
Anyway, it was about him.
Oh, yeah.
Geraldo Rivera thought he was the hottest, sexiest, coolest.
He was a rock star.
He wasn't just the news guy.
He was a rock star.
And once you understand that, you got it.
So what is Tucker Carlson about?
Oh, fabulous.
First and foremost, one of the, and I don't say the smartest, but one of the smartest commentators, voices on the platform in this particular realm of cable news or current political commentary.
But being the smartest is like saying you're the best actor in the Our Gang troupe.
You know, Stymie was much better than Alfalfa, but Darla was.
Being the fastest 90-year-old.
Okay.
It's something.
You got a medal.
I dig.
But he's very good.
Look at who he is.
This is very important.
You've got to understand something.
And this is not meant to demean, but I've watched it very carefully.
He wants to be cool.
The best thing he had going for him years ago was the bow tie.
Until I heard, I don't know if this is true, Roger Ailes said, uh-uh.
Could be wrong.
That was so bad.
Because that was yours.
You could have made it something.
And he was just trying to land.
Didn't really know what he was going to do.
He was left, now he's right, MSDNC, Fox News, and you know, you know, you know, those Fox News folks hate him and they're so glad he's gone.
Oh, please.
Please.
And you know who's the happiest, right?
You know this.
I don't even have to tell you.
You know who is thrilled.
Except, except that when Tucker's gone, It kind of lost its edge, its thing, its essence.
Oh, they'll tell you, oh no, no, no, we're making more money in advertising.
I'll bet you you are.
I'll bet you you are.
More big name blue chip stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it doesn't have its stuff.
But what he does is he mocks people.
The way they speak.
The way they look.
The way they act.
There's this part of him.
And Trump does it too.
Watermelon head, pencil neck.
Remember the time of Megyn Kelly?
I didn't even know what the hell he was talking about.
Trump always goes for what they look like.
Little this, little that.
And they told him he's got little hands or the way he held water.
You lose everything.
Listen to me.
You lose everything.
This latest one he's railing against, this kind of an insignificant author regarding Bobby Kennedy, that's not the way you handle your detractors.
That's not the way you do it.
That's not the way you do it.
Brooklyn uptick.
There's always this reference.
Somebody's sitting, you know, drinking, you know, I'm kind of embellishing this a bit, but drinking Chardonnay, no, drinking box wine in the anteroom of their pre-war duplex on Columbus.
You know, just these parenthetical little references to how cool I am.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or you're a women's studies degree assistant professor at Oberlin.
You know, there's always that.
No!
No!
It shows pettiness.
You've just veered off.
You've got to stay in your lane.
Now you're attacking them.
And it's fun.
Oh my God.
It's fun.
Do you want people attacking Bobby Kennedy over his spasmodic dysphonia?
I don't think so.
Spasmodic dysphonia reminds me of Ruby Bagunia.
I don't know.
Ask your parents.
But I don't understand it.
Same with Trump.
What are you doing?
Now I'm going to give you some advice, Tucker.
And this goes for you as well.
This is some of the best advice you can ever, ever, ever give somebody.
First, when you're dealing with somebody who is, let's say, your boss or your program director or somebody, and they're giving you some stupid advice that makes no sense, you don't challenge them.
You look at them and you say, interesting.
Or, I see.
Sometimes you can give them a kind of a, there you go.
Or, I heard that.
Never agree.
No approbation.
No assent.
No agreement with it.
None of that.
And you talk to somebody like you're talking to somebody at the day ward of Creedmoor.
And you're talking to somebody Who is being confined because of psychiatric problems, and you don't want to do anything to get them perhaps angry or violent.
You want to acknowledge them, but that's it.
Or, to the less violent type, you minimize what they're saying by basically saying, look, there are people who are told By virtue of either their position, the fact that their newsroom has been shuttered, the fact that they are of a particular, perhaps a mindset, where this kind of reaction is par for the course.
And we understand that.
You almost attribute it to this.
Don't listen to them.
They have to say that.
You're going to see this.
They can't help it.
They don't know.
You don't want to say, well, they're young.
You just reference it by dismissing it, explaining it away, saying this is what, this is a complicated issue.
Basically saying they don't know what they're talking about.
But you don't talk about the way their voice upticks or the way, and especially Tucker, and I'm a big fan of his.
When you have a, if you want to know it, when you have that Amadeus laugh, the last thing in the world you want to be talking about is, and I've learned as well, with this Robert Goulet Stentorian voice of mine, I don't see any need in pointing out the way people sound, what they wear, upticks.
Monotonal deliveries and the like.
Same thing goes for Trump.
Why Trump makes fun of the way people look?
It's great for trolling, great for Karens, great for stuff on YouTube, but it diminishes, demeans, and hurts your ultimate argument.
So, Tuck, everybody's behind you.
We want you to succeed.
Not because of you, per se, but we want there to be this new spin-off.
And we especially want Bobby Kennedy to succeed.
I've said it before.
I'm writing his name in.
Whether he's in, whether he's out, whether he's a Democrat, a Zoroastrian, I don't care.
He could be a bull mooser.
I'm writing his name in.
It is that simple.
Okay?
Now, let me see.
What do you think?
Do you agree with this?
Now, remember, it is funny.
I know people get a kick out of it.
I'm saying, what is the most effective, the most efficacious, the most deadly in terms of transmitting the validity of an idea?
That's all.
All right, dear friends, have a great and noble day.
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