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June 6, 2023 - Lionel Nation
56:09
RFK Jr. As Visionary and Write-In

Think about it.

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Good evening, dear friend.
Good evening.
Welcome.
Please sit.
Enter.
Take a load off.
Enjoy yourself.
Let us sit down and spend a good portion of this evening at 7 p.m. Eastern Time here in New York City.
New York, New York, a town so nice they named it.
It's an old joke.
My friends, I hope you are well.
I wanted to bring to your attention a couple of things in your repertoire.
First and foremost, please like this video.
Please, I'm sorry, I must ask you to like the video.
Subscribe to the channel.
Subscriptions are so critical.
Thank you for that.
Also, I put a link to my...
This newsletter, which I heartily suggest that you subscribe to.
It is absolutely free, and you can keep up to speed with my various goings-on, my musings.
Everybody's here tonight.
Jenny G's here.
Jenny G is here, and Brother Jude, and Captain Howdy, and the whole...
Sounds like a child's...
Cartoon show, doesn't it?
You know, Barney Bungalupar and Jenny G and Howdy Howdy and Big Dick Long's here.
Dick, how are you?
Dick, welcome.
Have a seat.
Mary Fernandez, the troublemaker.
Bless your heart.
She's here.
Everybody's here tonight.
Everybody's here.
Look at this.
Dan's here.
It's a family.
It's a veritable family.
It's a wonderful family.
Oh!
Jenny G, formerly Jenny B, got hitched.
Good for you.
Good for you.
Congratulations.
Mazel tov.
I cannot emphasize to you how important I think it is for your health and your well-being to find, not to be married, but to be married to someone who is Most importantly, your best friend.
The most important thing.
The person that is your friend.
Everything else is one of a yes romantic.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Oh, that stuff is wonderful.
The person that you would rather be with than anybody else.
The one you want to talk to.
Cannot put it into perspective any better than that.
My friends, I wanted to suggest to you a couple of things.
Yes, Coffee Mudge, Ronald Mizrahi.
You know, I had a Krav Maga.
Krav Maga.
Sensei of sorts, named Ron Mizrahi.
Very famous at the time.
So, how are you, my friend?
Good to see you.
Yes, this is available, by the way.
Lionel Merchandise is here.
You can grow...
Koi.
It's incredible.
You can have a little fish farm in here.
Now, a couple of things.
First and foremost, I put up a question, and the question is, will Donald Trump be convicted of at least one felony?
Would you like me to answer that question in the way you want to hear it, or you want to hear the truth?
Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear, or do you want me to tell you the truth?
Do you, do you, do you, do you want me to tell you the truth?
He will be convicted of at least one.
This obstruction of justice looks very serious.
That's why his lawyers are meeting with the justice folks to try to kind of talk him out of it.
See, one of the things you have to understand, and I'm sure you know this, Is that you can do some things.
You can commit some crimes that sound pretty rotten.
You know, obstruction of justice.
Oh, dear God, obstruction.
And it amounts to nothing.
It doesn't sound like anything you meant to do.
So, there's a lot about him that I feel is very sloppy.
I don't know if he got the best advice.
I don't know.
I really don't know.
What I'm noticing is, I'm telling people more and more and more, I don't know if you heard this morning, but my friends, I've got to tell you the truth here.
First and foremost, I want what's best for my country.
And I am looking right now on what's happening, and the person that I love absolutely more and more and more, even though there's no chance it will be elected, is Bobby Kennedy Jr.
Bobby Kennedy Jr.
I'm not going to settle for somebody.
I'm not handicapping a race.
I always vote for the person that I want.
I want to make a statement.
I want this.
Let me give you a couple of things here.
One of the worst stories.
I've got to tell you this one.
This was just absolutely hideous.
Hideous.
Hideous.
Horrible.
Where is it?
They're loving this CNN stuff.
Instagram reinstates Bobby Kennedy Jr. claims ban on campaign account was a mistake.
I think Don't.
Don't lie to me.
Don't lie to me.
Please.
Don't.
We don't have to hide.
NBA player Jonathan Isaac launches anti-woke sports apparel brand.
I'm tired of this woke business.
I don't care anymore.
I don't care.
I'm tired of it.
New subject, please.
England to trial universal basic income.
Well, that's going to be real effective.
Green taxes to increase grocery prices by the billions.
Zelensky admits fear of Trump in 2024, begs for more Patriot missile systems.
Doomed CNN uses Atlantic mag to scapegoat CEO Licht.
Boring, boring, boring.
Here's the one that I found to be most upsetting.
And this is what I wanted to bring to your attention, if you don't mind.
If you don't mind.
And if you do mind, get over it.
Regarding Mr. Kennedy.
Where is this?
Where?
For the love of God.
Here we go.
This was the worst.
Listen to this.
Washington Post.
Want to hear the headline?
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. tests the conspiratorial appetite of Democrats.
One of the most famous living descendants of the most famous American political dynasty shows early strength against Biden in polls.
Well, no.
Scheisse.
Bobby Kennedy, a candidate for president, supported by one in five Democratic voters in recent polls.
By the way, if it's one in five, if it's 20%, it's 40%.
He began a speech here by recounting the Eisenhower administration's 1960 decision to lie when the Soviets downed an American spy plane by calling it weather research.
Then came further alleged deceptions, some proven, some refuted, many just conjecture.
You hear this?
Before long, Kennedy was arguing that a 2019 tabletop exercise about a mock pandemic This is
what he's up against.
Now Now, remember something.
I love the fact that he's got the guts to say what he wants.
I love the fact that he's got the guts to say something he believes in.
And I love the fact that he says, I don't care whether anybody cares for this or not.
I am telling you specifically, specifically, specifically, specifically.
That I am here.
I'm making notes for it.
I'm building, as we speak, or was before, the new newsletter.
It's a beaut.
This is one of my paragraphs from this.
This is pretty doggone good.
It says, Beware Agenda 2030.
A threatened stray jacket in control by programmable central bank digital currency.
Oh!
Oh, how does he do it?
Oh, how does he do it?
You see, Donald Trump wouldn't say that on his best day.
On his best...
...
And I guess what I want is, I guess I want him to say something like that.
And it's not going to happen.
And this is the part, this is what I realized.
The stuff that I want to be spoken of is not going to be said by anybody.
My worldview has nothing to do, will never, ever, ever be...
Not evinced, mentioned, suggested, or anything by anybody from the mainstream media.
The world, as you know, and our country and government is nothing but one nefarious cabal after another.
I say to you, it is one nefarious conspiracy after another.
And you can say whatever you want, but it's true.
Marsh, to whom are you going to say no?
Dear, dear friend Marsh, to whom are you going to say that?
Anybody?
Anybody?
At best, What he can do is just sit back and say, I want to tell you some stories.
Bobby Kennedy on the road.
A room full of young people or folks alike to sit back and tell them, I want to tell you the story of what you should be aware of.
That's all.
Imagine something where every single movement, every single thing you do can be controlled by programmable CBDC.
It's one of many, many things.
You are going to see things, and we went through it this morning.
I'm not going to tell you.
I'm not going to repeat things to you.
But what I want to know is, please tell me, what is being done regarding weather research?
Did you ever hear this?
And I'm just throwing this out.
People say, oh, is he talking about weather again?
You betcha.
You betcha.
William Cohen, look what I'm doing.
I'm just, I'm just, because I want to get the code.
William Cohen.
Weather warfare quote.
Remember this?
William Cohen?
Here we go.
This is posted by...
This is from Thought...
Something from Thought Criminal.
I guess all of you scoffers who ridiculed by posts that there was no such thing as earthquake weapons and the possibility of earthquake weapons being used on Haiti will also think former Secretary of Defense William Cohen, a Republican, wore a tinfoil hat, too.
In a Department of Defense briefing on April 28, 1997, Mr. Cohen said, quote, Others are engaging even in an eco-type of terrorism, whereby they can alter the climate, set off earthquakes, volcanoes remotely through the use of electromagnetic waves.
Does this not mean anything to anybody?
Does anybody think this is just some sort of a game?
Does somebody think that when I hear this that I'm crazy?
Do you think that I'm crazy?
When Brian Greene or Brian Cox, I believe, or Neil deGrasse Tyson talks about the fundamentals of particle physics and the like and trying to find the specifics of it.
Do they?
Do you think they're crazy?
I don't think so.
So when I bring up the fact, when I say, here we have, right now, do me a favor.
Just take your time.
Go to Google and type in Geoengineering.
That's all.
Geoengineering.
And the first thing you get is Harvard University Geoengineering.
What is an example of Geoengineering?
Well, examples could be spraying seawater thousands of miles in the air.
That might be good.
Is geoengineering good or bad?
Well, geoengineering, the large-scale modification of Earth's climate, is worth exploring because countries have been cutting their emissions too slowly to make any near-term impact.
It's all here.
University of Oxford, Wikipedia, Brookings Institution, Geoengineering Monitor, Yale University, Encyclopedia Britannica, The Guardian, Scientific American, Time Magazine, MIT Technology Review, CNN.com, go!
It's all here.
Now, if you go to this other part, this other thing that says chemtrails, that, they say, oh, no, no, no.
That's a conspiracy theory.
Yes, but that's, no, no, no, no, no.
Well, that's what people mean.
They, well, don't say that.
Okay, fine, I won't say it.
But that's what people mean.
That's what people are saying.
Do you understand what's happening?
Tell me you understand what's happening.
Cheryl Callahan, Big Dick Dork.
Bork.
Dick Bork.
Not dork.
Bork.
Excuse me.
Jonathan Schmiller.
He's from the Florida Panhandle.
Ah, Apalachicola.
Is it Fort Walton Beach around there?
Apalachicola is still the best oysters that anybody could ever see.
Harp is real.
Chemtrail is real.
German...
Don't use that term.
Just, yes, Dean Wigington, please, please do me a favor.
Do not ever use that term.
That's all I'm saying.
Do not, and it's Dane Wigington, by the way, not Dean, but Dane.
So that's a part of it.
So anyway, to make a long story short, so if I'm looking at all of the people running, And I'm saying, Mr. Trump, do you think you would look into this?
Probably not.
Biden?
Absolutely not.
No way.
Are you kidding?
That will prevent, or that will help, that will exacerbate, excuse me, that will ameliorate the problem of global warming.
Okay, fine.
So that's not going to...
Could we at least see what's being sprayed there?
Can we...
It's there.
I'm not making this up.
People will say, no, it's a conspiracy theory.
I just read to you.
It's there.
Yeah, but I don't.
If they tell me, if you tell me, you are going to see surveillance the likes of which you haven't seen.
Remember when they want to implant things into you.
That is the goal.
It is the goal.
They have been wanting for so long.
And we read about it.
It's in Denmark.
Right around here.
This is called the Perlicue, by the way.
I don't know if you knew this.
This particular webbing.
By the way, apoptosis is the reason why we don't have this.
Did you know this?
Let me see.
Yes.
Apoptosis or apoptosis.
It's the...
Hang on a minute here.
It's this wonderful, wonderful concept.
And hang on a minute.
See what you learned?
Did you learn about this?
Apoptosis, cell death, in which a series of molecular steps in cell lead to its death.
Why is that important?
It's the reason why we don't have webbed fingers.
It's the idea of things dying off.
By the way, one of the interesting aspects of, I guess you'd call it, Not starvation, but fasting and intermittent fasting as a whole.
Anyway, but there's this wonderful aspect of this.
Just as an aside.
But to make a long story very, very, very, very short.
I don't think anybody's ever going to listen to me.
But as I was saying, when they put this little, it's like the size of a grain of rice in you, this RFID chip, it will change everything.
Now we don't also know what's going to be...
Left in you.
We don't know about nanotechnology.
We don't know anything.
We don't really know anything.
Things taken into your body is a whole other story.
I don't want to get started with that one.
But who do you think would be the most effective?
Who?
Nikki Haley or Bobby Kennedy?
I heard Nikki Haley talking about Yugoslavia.
I mean Yugoslavia.
But Ukraine, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Could not believe what a gedruel this woman is.
What is the number one issue that bothers you?
What is the number one issue that bothers you, dear friends?
Write one word.
What is the number one concern that you think nobody is talking about enough and that nobody is dealing with as much as they should?
What do you think?
What, pray tell, do you think is the issue?
The one issue that makes you say, hmm, this is the one that keeps me up at night.
What do you think it is?
What do you think?
*laughs*
Go ahead.
I'm waiting.
The legalization of propaganda.
You've just described something, Captain Howdy, that can never be stopped or in any way limited at all by virtue of the fact that I don't know what propaganda is.
I don't know where it is.
Facial recognition.
Why does that bother you?
Facial recognition is here.
Facial recognition is going to be people are going to want it.
People are going to ask for it.
How are you going to tell people Not to pursue facial recognition when they're saying, no, no, I want this.
Don't you like when your phone opens up?
Climate change cartel?
Interesting.
My issue is very simple.
Artificial intelligence is the number one issue.
That is an existential threat that we as human beings face.
And good luck trying to explain that to anyone.
It is...
And also, it's too late.
The very fact that somebody says, I don't know what you're talking about, that's it.
The Last Roman says, a loss of sovereignty to the UN.
That is an excellent piece.
Is that your number one?
Number one?
Facial recognition is your number one?
The future planned obsolescence?
AI?
Christos is correct.
AI is...
Wait till AI turns around and says, no, no, we're the good guys.
See, that would be my story.
Gender reassignment surgery.
Mary, unless you're thinking about that, there is no gender reassignment.
You do know that, right?
It's the worst plastic surgery anybody's ever seen.
Have you ever seen the notion of trying to build a peneplasty to build a male Organ?
There's no...
I mean, there's no...
I don't know what you want.
It's easier to remove than to take away.
My suggestion would be, if you can possibly live with this, leave it as is.
Because when you start talking about removing these nerves that are so...
Oh my God.
You don't want to play around with things like incontinence.
You don't want to do that.
You don't want to.
The incontinence of Asia.
Just kidding.
You don't want to do that.
And the idea of what is that makes you who you are.
Is it your gonadal?
Is it your pudenda?
Is that it?
Your pudendum?
I don't understand this.
I don't understand what it is.
Do you, would somebody really, I mean seriously, would you really want, if you could actually go ahead and add some type of genital accoutrement to your inguinal area?
Fine, or thereabouts, but for you to do what?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
You don't want to do that.
See, I had this thing where surgery I would avoid at all costs.
Anytime you go under the knife, anytime you go under anesthesia, anytime, anytime, it's a form of mutilation.
You can't get that back.
And I've never had that.
I hated that.
When I was a young man, I was actually 13 years old, and I went to the doctor, and the doctor says, we found a...
We found white blood cells in your urine.
I said, oh, okay, that's good.
He goes, no, that's not good.
Could be an infection.
I don't know.
I'm going to send you to a urologist.
Okay.
I'm 13. What's the big deal?
Doctor said, we found white blood cells.
Yes, I know.
That's why I'm here.
We're going to send you to the hospital to take an x-ray.
Take a picture.
You don't mind if you take a picture.
Sure, take a picture.
You know, hold your breath.
Get up against the wall.
Hold your breath.
Okay.
Well, it's not that.
It's filling your bladder with a contrast.
Just look around.
Look around.
There's a voiding cystogram, IVP, all this kind of stuff.
I've had retrograde urethrograms.
You name it.
And they cut.
And then they said, oh, we found a little diverticulum, not a little, but on your bladder, like a pouch, like a growth.
Had to go in, cut that off, because it wasn't empty right, and I could go for incredibly long periods of time, like a camel.
It was the only person who took a magazine to micturate.
Wow.
Cut through the abdomen.
Cut down.
Cut into the bladder.
Cut that off.
Stitch the bladder up.
Close everything up.
I remember the time I was 13, I was very, very modest.
Come on, I'm barely, you know, I'm just kind of metamorphosing.
I'm just going to go, you know.
I remember the first time the nurse said, can anyone wash?
No, I'm not going to wash you.
I'll wash myself.
Give me that rag.
What are you kidding me?
I don't even know you, lady.
I don't even know you.
Please, I'm modest.
I'm 13 years old.
I have modesty.
I have dignity.
After the surgery, didn't care.
Didn't care.
Walking around with bags.
Oh, my God.
And I realize I don't particularly care for the notion of anybody cutting.
Ever again.
Especially in that particular area.
I don't want that.
I don't want that.
I really don't.
I've had the most incredible these arguments.
Don't ever meet the circumcision crowd.
Dear God!
Have you met those people?
I mean, that's one of those things where if you don't want to have it done, fine.
If you do, fine.
Either way, It's up to you, but I would suggest if you do do it, do it when someone's a small child.
Ladies and gentlemen, Jacob C. Goranson from Los Angeles writes, I always thought men who get adult circumcision are nuts.
Now I think parents who have it done to their sons are nuts.
The doctors too, barbaric.
You know, I'm not in a position, by the way, Jacob, thank you so much.
I'm not in a position to...
I'll argue.
I can understand this.
Barbaric?
I've heard a dear friend of mine is a urologist.
He swears by it.
He says children, young babies, males, male babies, of course, are unable to recognize this.
Because they're unable to differentiate.
You can have a baby, starts crying, touch him here.
They don't know if they can't.
They don't know what you're doing.
And there is this thing called anesthesia.
They don't just decide to do it.
But I can certainly, from the sound of it, listen, if you don't need it, that's fine.
One could say it's barbaric.
I'm not in the position to...
It's one of those ones where it's up to you.
But you have to ask, what's the...
What's the purpose of this?
I mean, I understand the religious at first, but you've got to say, well, why did somebody say, we've got to do something about that?
This thing is just, it's, you know, to be a hard hat or an anteater, you've got to ask yourself, somebody at some point must have thought, this is really important, we have to do this thing.
What I don't understand, and maybe you can help me with this, what I don't understand is breast augmentation.
Now, with the exception, with the exception, With the exception of somebody who has had reconstructive surgery.
Okay?
Somebody who's had a mastectomy or somebody who's had somebody.
I can understand that.
And by the way, it's a free country.
It's a free country.
You can do whatever you want.
Sometimes it's made plastic surgery.
It's made a tremendous difference.
Rhinoplasty, blepharoplasty, you know.
And if a woman feels better by having it, she can fill out her clothes better.
I'm not going to say no.
The thing I do not understand, and this is the part that I don't understand, and I'm going to say this to you, and you don't have to agree with me, of course, but I don't understand this.
If you're going to take a bag of saline, shove it into a chest cavity, suture it up and say, look, look at me, what do you think?
They're not real.
I know they're not real, but look.
Those are saline bags, subcutaneous.
Yes, I...
Those aren't...
Now, is that supposed to be sexy?
I'm serious.
Please forgive me if I'm impertinent here.
I don't find that sexy.
I don't...
It's not...
First of all, it's not real.
It's not...
Why did you do this?
Why did you do this?
It's kind of...
Boy, you crack walnuts on this thing.
What is the purpose?
Perfect, hemisphered...
Look at these!
Hey!
I personally, it's my opinion, I find it grotesque.
Why would you do that?
Now again, if you feel like I feel bad or whatever it is, but you're fine.
Nobody cares.
Nobody, seriously, nobody.
Nature decided, for whatever it's worth, based upon your physiognomy, based upon your morphology, your phenotype, this is normal for you.
That's all.
This is normal.
That's it.
And if you think, honestly, That this is going to all of a sudden, it's artificial!
Let me just say this again.
Let's think if somebody says, hey, who needs steroids?
I just had a bag of saline put in my arm.
Look at me, I'm Dorian Yates.
Those aren't real biceps.
Oh yes they are, look.
21. Look at these guns.
But it's a bag.
Doesn't matter.
I had it right here.
Look at this.
My chest, I've got bags in here.
My calf muscles, gastrocnemius, I've got a big bag of saline there.
And I've got bags of undulating abdominal to give you a six-pack.
I've got bags of saline everywhere.
I've got a butt lift.
I've got a bag of saline.
I'm walking salt water.
I've got bags of everything.
Everything is completely, completely.
We have in New Jersey these big signs that say breast reduction.
And there's these women, there's one, she's like this.
And she's rather, looks a tad pendulous.
I can't tell, is this before the surgery or after?
I don't know.
That's attractive.
Yes, I want to go there.
Now, let me tell you something.
I think breast reduction, especially...
Back problems?
Oh, I can understand that completely.
Absolutely.
That makes complete sense.
That kind of mammoplasty, I think, makes a lot of sense.
But to add something?
No, it's not real.
I don't get it.
That's me.
By the way, I was wondering if somebody had...
What if somebody was the best doctor at penile reductions?
The best surgeon in the world.
The best.
He trained and he's the best for penile, not augmented, reduction.
He sits around his office like this.
Cobweb, you know, on the phone.
Hello?
Hello?
Wrong number.
Damn it.
What we worry about as human beings is to me the funniest thing I've ever heard and seen in my life.
I don't understand it.
If you believe in God, God doesn't make a mistake.
God would say, I want you to look like this.
Aaron Neville had this Oreo right here on his face.
This Nevis.
And you know what?
He made it look like this.
That's interesting.
That's very interesting.
Certain people have moles and this and that.
Look at what Stacey Keech and Joaquin Phoenix did for cleft palates.
Seriously, I think that was one of the most important things to show people.
Look, look at this.
Don't ever feel that you have to be conscientious about something.
But to cut...
I wish people would spend more time being able to tell themselves, you know what I'm going to work on?
My personality.
That See, you've got to understand that I'm a freak.
I'm a freak.
I swear to God, I'm a freak.
I don't understand.
What I consider sexy, nobody listens to me.
I'm from another planet.
I'm from another planet, another era.
Words that, before we even get to the word sexy, which is wonderful, Elegant?
What?
Classy?
Classy?
What are you talking about?
They don't even get to that yet.
They get to the sexy part first, but this is sexy.
There's nothing sexier than that.
There's nothing.
What are you talking about?
Elegance?
Class?
Polish?
Panache?
They look at me like, what are you talking about?
I don't understand it.
I don't get it.
I don't understand.
Let me ask you something.
And I mean this.
What would we look, what would we care for if we were all blind?
What do we, what do we, what do we, what?
When you meet somebody and say, I met the most wonderful woman or man, great, what does she look like?
Excuse me?
Oh, that's right, I forgot.
I don't know.
What do you think?
Well, my friend says to you, what does it matter?
I can't see anything.
Yeah, but listen, I'm going to tell you something.
She's overweight.
What does this mean to me?
Obviously, you can get hurt, depending upon the size.
But other than that, how would we hate each other?
What would racism be like?
I can't tell.
How would transgenderism show itself if we couldn't see?
What would it mean?
Seriously, what would it mean?
Tell me.
Tell me how it works.
What would we...
How would we hate each other?
By the way we sound?
What?
There's something about...
There's something about...
And this sounds...
And when I say this to you...
When I say this to you...
Take Bobby Kennedy.
Here's a guy, aside from Bobby Kennedy, he has a spasmodic dysphonia.
He owns that.
Do you know when he does it, he makes it almost cool.
I'm sorry to say, but that's the way he talks.
That's the way he talks.
And it's not Bobby Kennedy saying, that's Bobby Kennedy.
Because let me tell you something.
The Kennedy family, please don't take it the wrong way.
Please.
Don't tell anybody I said this.
But that's not an attractive family.
Next to the Windsors.
Dear God!
I don't know who I'd want to have bite me less.
The Osmonds or the Kennedys?
They could eat raisins through a tennis racket.
I mean, seriously!
These are not attractive people.
Please, forgive me.
Forgive me.
Anybody seen Caroline Kennedy lately?
Just leave it at that.
Just let it go.
Let it go.
Have you seen that Rory?
The whole group.
The ones who had a little bit of panache were Teddy, Teddy Jr., the poor Patrick, Mishkino Patrick.
But Bobby Kennedy, you know what makes him, I don't want to say, I'm not using a word, but as a politician attractive, he's Cojones.
C.O. Jones.
Elephantine.
Cannonballs.
That's it.
Now you tell me something.
You know what's interesting too about...
Let me tell you this.
You know what the thing about Trump is?
You know what Trump's thing is?
Because everybody's got a thing.
You know what his is?
He's like so confident.
He just is never, never loses his cool.
People dig him?
He's just so cool.
He's Trump.
And the guy was so funny.
The one that everybody went crazy over.
The guy that people went crazy over.
Think about it.
John Kennedy Jr.
Oh my God!
People went nuts!
Until he opened his mouth.
And people say, it doesn't really matter, right?
I know it's what you're saying.
Just don't talk.
Johnny, don't talk.
Don't say anything.
Just stand there.
Don't say anything.
Trust me.
Don't say anything.
He was okay until he talked.
That's the thing that I don't understand.
These people say, she's so brilliant.
She's so beautiful.
Oh, dear God.
Can we hear her talk?
I'm going to tell you something right now.
Listen to when I tell you this.
Believe me when I tell you this.
You can believe me or not.
It's up to you.
Ready for this?
And I don't think I'm rare in this thing.
But every now and then I hear somebody, me, somebody says, yeah, they're getting a divorce.
Really?
Who?
Jerry's?
Yeah.
He's got a girlfriend.
He's got a girlfriend.
25 years old.
What?
25 years old.
What?
What do they talk about?
What do you care about?
No, no, no, I know what you're saying about it.
No.
It's not a one-time thing.
He actually left his wife for a 25-year-old.
What is he not?
What do they say?
That's my first thing I think of it.
Do they talk to me?
I got to talk to a 25?
Oh, no way.
No, no, no.
Listen, when I say I understand, never question somebody's dalliance.
If the guy says, listen, it was a one-time thing.
I was in a bar.
I was drunk.
25 years old.
I went crazy.
It's not right, but I can say, you know what?
I understand it.
I don't approve of it, but I say, okay, I understand it.
Versus, Oh no.
I like her.
She's 25. She's hot.
She's with me.
Makes me look like, hey, look who he's got.
You left your wife for her?
What is the matter with you?
No, but she's 25. Excuse me.
What are you talking about?
25?
Are you nuts?
That's me.
It's like, oh dear God.
It's like, I don't get it.
I don't fit in this world.
I don't understand that.
That's stupid.
You did this?
Your, what, your sex drive let you to this?
To this?
What?
You left your wife for this?
How long have you been with her?
For this?
What is the matter with you?
And how am I supposed to not lose respect with somebody?
Well, that doesn't affect you.
No!
Anybody who does that to his wife, why would I trust him anymore?
I don't want to.
I said, that's okay, Jaren.
You've lost your mind.
Some people go crazy.
They hit, you know, middle-aged and they go nuts.
Dear God, this woman's been with you forever.
And I got news for you, pal.
You're no prize either.
And the only reason this 25-year-old chick is hanging out with you is she thinks you've got dough and you're going to take care of it.
Don't you know this?
Dear God.
How stupid are people?
Okay?
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
I don't fit in, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
And I'm not old-fashioned.
Believe me.
I just think I'm this.
I think it makes sense.
Don't you?
Don't you think it makes sense?
I think it makes sense.
Who's with me on that?
Who's with me on this?
Don't you seriously...
Have you ever had somebody, maybe a relative or a friend or somebody, and you wonder, what does it matter?
And what about this?
Please explain to me women, female teachers who have sex with their students or teenagers.
You know why, right?
To be loved.
Men will tell women that they love them to have sex, and women will have sex with men for love.
You know it.
I know it.
It's the way it goes.
And so much, so much of this putative, putative transgender, whatever it is, and by the way, I don't believe half, half of the people are truly, truly transgendered.
And all their life they say, I can't live like this.
Dear God, I'm waiting for a time for a culture to recognize the fact that...
Some are, absolutely.
Not everybody.
No.
No.
I think this is a very, very immature and a very, very, very...
I think we're finding out...
Through Freudian analyses and the like.
People are very, very confused.
Very sad about where they fit in.
Somebody says, yep, I dated an older woman when I was 20. She had the mind of a teenager.
It drove me nuts.
Isn't that something?
You have to be able to talk.
When you find somebody...
Let me just say something.
If anybody is out trying to find somebody you're dating, God love you.
Good luck.
I would rather lick a belt sander than that.
I don't know how you do it.
I don't know how you do it.
You know what I would do?
Seriously.
I can't imagine this, but this is what I would suggest.
I would have like a card printed.
Like a Miranda card.
You know the cops?
You have the right to remain silent and then they read it so they don't forget them.
I will sit there and say, excuse me, before we start, let me just bring this up.
I hate to do it, but I want to read something to you, if you don't mind.
This is before you have your first drink.
Let me read this to you.
Before you get shitting God, let me read this to you.
Tell me what's wrong with you.
Tell me.
I won't leave.
Are you mentally out of it?
Are you under medication?
How many medications?
Do you have a psychiatrist?
Do you have an eating disorder?
Drug addiction?
Abandonment issues?
Do you split personality?
Do you have any communicable?
Well, not communicable, but any kind of anything?
I can handle physical, mental.
Do you have lapses of whatever?
Severe inferiority?
Were you...
Were your father...
Are your parents married?
Yes.
How did that end?
Oh, your father left?
Ooh.
Your father left you?
Abandonment issues.
Okay.
Okay.
Tell me now.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong?
Do you go nuts after a few drinks?
Is it your kids?
Is there something wrong with you?
Just tell me.
I'm not going to run.
I'm not going to go.
Just tell me.
Tell me.
Tell me what it is.
That's all.
I'm not going to...
Nobody's perfect.
Just tell me.
Don't surprise me.
How does everybody say, look, I can only have three drinks.
That's it.
Three.
And that's pushing it.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
Years ago, I was on a...
I think I told you this.
I was doing a talk show.
And I kind of made this up.
I didn't really make it up.
I said this.
I've never done this, but I thought about it.
I said, listen, you got a date.
I said, listen, when you go to her apartment or home, do me a favor.
Just kind of check around, look around.
See if she has any books.
If she doesn't have any books, that's not good.
Does she have any books anywhere?
You know where you find normally books?
In the John.
Anybody who doesn't clear out the magazines.
And now John, to me, it's just like, what are you kidding?
And you have like, you know, AARP, you know, turn to the page that you were reading this before?
I mean, can you not move?
Can you not move this stuff?
What are you, how much time do you spend?
What are you, constipated?
All these magazines?
How thick they are?
How much time do you spend in here?
What do you got?
Oh, Ulysses and...
God, the complete works of James Joyce?
What is going on here?
Alright.
But look around.
If there's no books, that's not good.
If there's a lot of self-help books, oh, Chicken Soup for the Soul.
That is number one.
Every lunatic I've ever known...
Has chicken soup for the soul.
Or, don't sweat the little things.
They're all little things.
Self-help, this is a lonely...
They like this.
No shiza obviousness.
Stay away from that.
But here's the trick.
Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
Say, excuse me, may I use your restroom yet?
And go in there and look inside the medicine cabinet.
And be looking for some certain things.
If you see a lot of laxatives, you've got eating disorder.
Big problem.
Yeah, you see a lot of, you know, doxodan and all this.
Remember, doxodan, oh doxodan, when nature needs a helping hand.
Remember that?
Helping hand.
Look for that.
Also, know what, is it acyclovir?
Look for anti-herpes medication.
Look for, know what to look for.
Anything with a lot of labels.
Remember, if you go to the drugstore, you want a lot of labels.
And I don't want a label that says, take with milk.
You know, don't take it in the sunshine.
No, no, no.
I want my do not mix alcohol.
Do not mix alcohol.
Alcohol may intensify, will intensify the effect.
That's not a warning, that's a direction.
What are you doing?
If you want me to not drink, say, drinking will ruin the buzz.
Got it!
So go in there and look and see.
See what she's got.
See what the medications are.
Because they keep them right there.
And because it's invisible to them.
They'll never think to hide it.
It's right there.
And if it's next to the bed, even worse.
Even worse.
Because that's a boudoir.
It doesn't even put them away.
So anyway, I got this call one night.
And this guy says, you know, I took your advice.
Yep.
Yep.
I did.
Excuse myself.
Really?
Yep.
Went to the bathroom.
I did just what you said.
I opened up the medicine cabinet.
Yep.
And all of a sudden I hear it.
What is that?
And she says, are you looking inside the medicine cabinet?
No, my arm got caught.
Oh, okay.
I've got an alarm on there.
Oh, okay.
She had an alarm for the kid.
So be very, very careful of that.
Please.
Look at this.
Matches in the bathroom.
Mom, hurry up.
Just a minute.
God.
I think I need a smudge pot for this one.
Just a minute!
You got any flash paper?
I'm going to get one of those flamethrowers.
It's okay.
I'm going to burn some straw in here.
Just a minute!
I'll be there in a minute!
I'm going to do some incantation.
Some kind of weird celestial thing.
I told you one of the funniest things I ever saw was a woman I know had a She had her granddaughter or somebody over, and she was kind of keeping an eye on her, so she had the bathroom door open.
The kid's a little walking, doesn't know anything.
So anyway, when she was done, she takes the matches, and the little kid starts to say, Happy birthday!
That's an interesting pairing.
Happy birthday!
Weird, you know, weird kind of clown.
Think about that Freudian connection there.
What are you going to do?
The thing that I found, to me, I was in a very, very, very nice, really nice bathroom.
I mean, because bathrooms to me are just beautiful.
Powder room.
Beautiful.
Just beautiful.
And underneath, not underneath, but like behind the toilet, on the ground, It was like wet wipes.
Now, I know they come in handy, and I'm not fooling myself.
I understand what a bathroom is for.
I understand what that toilet thing is for.
I understand.
But really?
At a party?
You know what I mean?
At a party?
Could you have moved these you know, anusol sprays?
I don't know.
What am I going to do?
Jacob Goranson, you're a good man.
I think we've had enough.
But we're going to be talking about RFK Jr.
Did you hear Leon?
Yes.
What were you talking about?
Remember that joke that we had a member of the club years ago?
Remember the conspiracy?
Not conspiracy.
Conspirateers' declaracy.
Somebody's mother said, are you watching that Leon again?
What did Leon talk about?
And you saw wipes and lighting matches after elimination.
Oh, okay.
Well, there you go.
Didn't you love that, though?
Be honest.
Didn't you love it?
Because you know and I know, you have the sense of humor of a child.
Of a very, very...
A very radical child.
I have very base.
Base humor.
It's got to make sense, though.
It can't be gratuitously base.
But if it has anything to do with elimination, bodily functions, or I am there.
But it's got to be classy.
If that makes any sense.
Alright, dear friends.
You have a great, great time.
Francisco, thank you.
Liz Solak, everybody.
There's Liz.
Hang on.
Just a minute.
Grandma, I'm busy.
Any newspaper?
Anything?
Straw?
Grass clippings?
Nothing?
Hay?
Any industrial hay?
Just a minute.
How about socks?
Any kind of clothing you don't need?
Yeah, I gotta light some flame.
I need a lot of flame for this one.
Mexican.
Seriously.
Get back.
Whatever you do, no matter what you hear and hear, do not open the door.
Just do not.
No matter what you hear.
No matter what you hear.
You let Grandma alone, okay?
No matter what howls you hear from this, please.
It's the devil.
Believe me, they could do a show on this.
All right, friends.
Francisco, thank you.
There's Lizzie going crazy.
Flat Earth Man, everybody.
Everybody's here tonight.
Big Dick Long, thank you.
Big Dick Bork, thank you as well.
Thanks for being here.
Alright, friends.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Same bad time, same bad channel.
8 a.m. tomorrow.
And until then, remember these words.
The monkey's dead.
The show's over.
Sue ya.
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