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Dirty Man Safes Protection
00:05:14
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| I have always despised news. | |
| News programming. | |
| News cliched, hoary, stupid, mindless news. | |
| The usual stuff. | |
| The Ted Baxter news. | |
| Ron Burgundy news. | |
| These corny, anachronistic, absolutely pathetic reenactments of not news, but propaganda. | |
| Staying within the lane. | |
| Never being controversial. | |
| Never being conspiratorial. | |
| And never being, oh what's the word, oh yes, interesting, relevant. | |
| I will explain that to you in great detail. | |
| I will go through it at levels you never thought even humanly possible. | |
| But first, I must ask you to, of course, like this video. | |
| I know this is a prefatory statement. | |
| Like this video. | |
| Subscribe to the channel. | |
| Please hit that little bell so you're notified of trending... | |
| not trending... | |
| Live videos and new videos and that sort of thing. | |
| And please, we always mention our great sponsor, MyPillow.com. | |
| They've been terrific. | |
| They've been with us. | |
| And we thank them. | |
| And they're wonderful. | |
| And when it comes to devices and the accoutrement of slumber, there is simply nothing like this great, great company with their great, great products. | |
| And if you use promo code Lionel, Only promo code. | |
| You get a free gift. | |
| That's right! | |
| A free gift as opposed to a gift that you pay for, which makes no sense. | |
| So it's promo code Lionel, MyPillow.com for pillows. | |
| The slippers, I can't say enough about that. | |
| They're selling these like you can't believe. | |
| And sheets and duvets and blankets and spreads. | |
| They're wonderful. | |
| MyPillow.com, promo code Lionel. | |
| Lionel. | |
| Forgive me as I keep rubbing my nose. | |
| I had some little spicy, a little chili with some spice and my nose is running, so please forgive me. | |
| But I'm not going to stop and start over again, just so that I can dab my nostrils. | |
| Now, I don't know when news got to be stupid, but there are three people in my life that I have always Consider to be almost heroes of sorts. | |
| Believe it or not. | |
| Heroes! | |
| And they're not real. | |
| One, of course, is Howard Beale. | |
| Howard Beale is that guy that everybody wants to be on TV. | |
| Everybody wants to be, listen to me, I'm mad as hell. | |
| This voice of truth. | |
| Everybody wants to be it, but can't. | |
| They won't be allowed. | |
| Barney Fife. | |
| Important critical persona because it presaged RoboCop and the demented psycho rogue cop, if you will. | |
|
Ted Baxter's Legacy
00:08:48
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| But it also did something else which is important. | |
| It also said, it also showed that you could see kind of where things were going, where it was headed. | |
| But number one, Ted Baxter. | |
| Ted Baxter was so important because Ted Baxter came about 10 years prior to, don't hold me to it, prior to the retirement of Walter Cronkite. | |
| Walter Cronkite was at the height, not height, but the height of his game at the time and nobody ever thought of making fun of an anchor. | |
| Because they were considered to be godlike. | |
| John Cameron Swayze and Murrow and Robert Trout and Richard C. Hodlett and Douglas Edwards and Eric Severi. | |
| They go down the list. | |
| These people, each of them, each of them were exemplars of gravitas, the likes of which nobody ever saw before. | |
| And they were incredible. | |
| And if you watch the break-in, If you will, they broke in during the assassination of JFK that day. | |
| It was just, it was incredible. | |
| And they had sets that were plywood and wood paneling and cigarettes and rolled up t-shirts. | |
| And the delivery was so perfect, so poetic, so great, so wonderful. | |
| I loved it. | |
| And we don't see that today. | |
| We don't see it. | |
| We don't recognize it today. | |
| It doesn't exist. | |
| And I don't know why. | |
| Because now it's cliché, breaking news, developing story. | |
| It's schmaltz. | |
| It's distortion. | |
| It's fear. | |
| It's never wanting to be... | |
| Conspiratorial. | |
| Never giving you the facts. | |
| They're repeaters, not reporters. | |
| Let me say that again. | |
| Let me repeat that. | |
| They're repeaters. | |
| They repeat what the government says. | |
| They repeat what the president says. | |
| They repeat. | |
| They don't report anything. | |
| They don't delve into it. | |
| In New York, in New York, whatever the event was, whether it was from... | |
| John Lennon to 9-11 to anything. | |
| You never heard anyone really say, is this all there is, to quote Peggy Lee? | |
| Is there anything more to this story? | |
| Is there anything about the story as evinced that might not necessarily make sense, that might not be spot on? | |
| Is there anything about this story that we can go further? | |
| When it came to 9-11 in particular, the level of stories, the depth, how it impacted, it would have been, you could have spent the rest of eternity breaking them down. | |
| But no, they stuck. | |
| It could have been eyewitness news from Des Moines with just a New York flavor. | |
| Something happens. | |
| It becomes homogenized. | |
| It becomes corny. | |
| It becomes, I don't know what the word is. | |
| I don't know what happens. | |
| I can't explain it. | |
| People who have never really, who weren't raised in the John Cameron Twayze world, all of a sudden will stand there with their And they'll start nodding before they throw it to them. | |
| And now live at the explosion site is Fox 5, and they start nodding. | |
| That's right, Dave. | |
| And they take on this Ted Baxter affectation. | |
| They don't even realize it. | |
| I don't understand it. | |
| And right now, when they are at risk of losing everything, when citizens, civilian, alternative and foreign news platforms seek to rewrite, recapitulate, recapture, | |
| reframe, re-address, re-present everything, when you've got people reporting with a cell phone camera from their bedroom, Doing a better job. | |
| You would think instead of these people getting better and bolder and less cliche, no, they're doubling down. | |
| That's the part I don't understand. | |
| And I will never understand that. | |
| I will never grasp that. | |
| I will never see how and why they do that. | |
| But let me tell you something. | |
| And let me just warn you. | |
| Not you, but to those individuals. | |
| It's over. | |
| What you're seeing now, what you're seeing in terms of two things. | |
| People who are able to just take to a camera, give their own particular twist and turn and spin, and allowing immediate feedback from the audience as you're able to feedback immediately, whether in live stream or not. | |
| Because in regular TV, in regular network program, they don't give a damn about you. | |
| They wait until the overnights, maybe, or something. | |
| But that's it. | |
| I mean, they could not care less about you. | |
| And they also believe that they're somehow stars. | |
| I've seen this firsthand. | |
| I know what I'm talking about. | |
| They think... | |
| They're Rula Lenska. | |
| Listen to me. | |
| I'm dating myself. | |
| They think they're famous or sexy or hot, of course, as they're spackled and Botoxed and made up and airbrushed and they're cliched and corny. | |
| They actually still have weather. | |
| Weather on local news. | |
| Weather. | |
| Who in the hell waits for the weather at 6 o 'clock? | |
| I've got nothing but weather. | |
| It's old. | |
| It's hoary. | |
| It's concretized. | |
| It's historic. | |
| I mean, it's just people sitting on the couch. | |
| We're going to bring you the news. | |
| At 6 o 'clock, do you realize we have been immersed? | |
| All day. | |
| We have alerts to every little thing that happens. | |
| So detached are these people. | |
| So untethered. | |
| They still think it's 1953. | |
| In fact, when you watch local news in particular, this is a 70-year-old format that hasn't changed. | |
| 70 years. | |
| This is from the 50s. | |
| Look at what they're doing. | |
| New sports weather. | |
| The weather guy used to be the kind of roly-poly kind of a jokester or whatever it is. | |
| The sports guy. | |
| Watch Mary Tyler Moore. | |
| WJN News. | |
| By the way, what? | |
| KRP was the perfect radio station. | |
| That was it. | |
| So, let me just say something. | |
| Rest in peace. | |
| Local, conventional, archaic, prototypical, archetypal news program. | |
| Rest in peace. | |
| Thanks for what you did, but it's over. | |
| It's done. | |
| And you never caught on. | |
| You just figured, nah, this is just a fad. | |
| Nah, it's like radio friends of mine. | |
| That's just podcasting. | |
| They're not professionals. | |
| They're actually arguing, the radio folks, whether there should be AM radio in new cars. | |
| AM radio! | |
| What's wrong with shortwave? | |
| What about that? | |
| How about a crystal set? | |
| Maybe we can have a baby monitor, too. | |
| Every form of communication that is equally as archaic and outmoded in any event. | |
| Like what you see. | |
| Subscribe to the channel. | |
| Make sure you hit that bell so you're notified of live streams and new videos. | |
| And don't forget, for great, great, great slumberware and sleep kit and sleep equipment, remember, MyPillow.com, put in promo code Lionel, and get a free gift. | |
| And comment. | |