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Jan. 15, 2023 - Lionel Nation
42:08
Appreciating the Obvious and Arcane — @LionelNation

Roars for the recondite.

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Hello, darling.
How have you been?
It's been a long time.
Sorry, little Conway Twitty there for you.
What a great name, Conway Twitty.
I mean, how?
I mean, Conway Twitty?
I used to use the name all the time, Ludd Suggins.
That was my name, Ludd.
When I first started, I was a radio caller.
And I used to call people up on radio shows.
And this was in the old days.
This was early.
And they didn't have a lot of people on.
I mean, they did, but there was nobody...
There was no...
I don't know.
Nobody was really interesting.
So I would create these people in my own world.
And I had this fellow whose name was Ludd.
And he talked like that.
He sounded like an old man.
Like he was just punched in the stomach.
And wouldn't say anything.
Just, I mean, would say things, but wouldn't say anything.
There'd be some terrible event.
They were talking about some crime or something that happened, and Ludd would call, and not me, but Ludd would say, you know these guys who think it's a good idea to bother those people who are innocent and never had?
Never mind.
Where are we going with this?
Where are we going with this?
And I loved it.
And I was wondering.
And as soon as I would hear they were trying to get off the call, I would say, and you know the most important thing which I forgot to say.
And then, okay.
And I go right back to it again.
They don't really have talk radio calls anymore.
They just don't have those...
Do you remember this?
They were wonderful.
I don't know what made me think of this, but I thoroughly loved it.
I loved it more than you could imagine.
I always had three rules to call up for callers local.
First, be the first call.
First one.
Because there's something some people really need to call.
Some talk radio shows always have to have guests.
I've got to have a guest on.
Why?
I don't know.
I've just got to have a guest.
Why do you want to have a guest on?
Rush Limbaugh never had a guest.
Yeah, but that's Rush Limbaugh.
And if you want to be Rush Limbaugh, you know, you can do it.
But, well, how do you think you become Rush Limbaugh?
It was the weirdest thing because I couldn't tell you all this stuff because you always had program directors who were idiots.
You didn't know what the hell we were talking about.
Who came from a world of I don't know what.
Living in a world of make-believe, Angie Baby, in any event.
So another one was they would have these incredible...
Anyway, going back.
Be the first caller.
I almost forgot.
Number two.
Never, ever talk about the subject.
And number three, when at all possible, insult the family of the host.
Just say something that really angers him.
So that from the, he's got three hours to go, he's upset.
Honey, would you do me a favor and get me my coffee cup, my special cup?
I used to love this more than anything because I knew how these people worked.
It was wonderful.
I don't know if you had them in your town.
You had your own local talk radio.
But we did.
It was wonderful.
I loved it tremendously.
I thought they were great.
And we need local.
That's one thing you need to do.
There was a dating show I would call up.
Oh my God.
Oh, my God.
It was one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
And I called up this guy named Delma from Dover.
I can't tell you what I said because it was a little bit more risque, but it was a dating...
Whatever there would be...
This is terrible.
An older woman said, Well, I like tapioca and shuffleboard.
That's it.
I'm in.
They were wonderful, wonderful guests.
I was on one time as a guest.
Omar Garcia, my friend Jack Harris, was doing a show on Paradise, 93.3 FM, Paradise.
And I was an astrologer, Omar Garcia.
And I would ask people, when were they born?
He goes, January 5th.
Ah, Virgo.
No.
Oh, yes it is.
Well, that's the sun sign, but the moon...
And I would give them the wrong Capricorn.
No, I'm Libra.
No, no.
And I would...
Are you planning a major surgery?
No.
Are you sure?
It was terrible.
Why did I do this?
Because people called.
Oh, like this.
The phone lines are going crazy.
There's six lines.
Maybe three in one county, three in another.
And that was it.
That's all.
But they said, the phone lines are going crazy.
No, it's just six lines.
You got six people in this area?
Those were wonderful days.
Oh my God.
My favorite used to be weekend shows.
Thank you, darling.
My favorite were weekend shows.
They had this one guy who was, this guy, the electronics doctor.
He would talk, he pushed, this was so bad.
He would sell this, because weekend shows are the best.
Colon Blow, Real Estate, they're always the worst.
Hi, I'm Dr. So-and-so with Dermatology Today, Cardiology Today, Lower GI Today, Real Estate Today, How to Make Money Today.
It's this throwaway weekend stuff, which is horrible.
Who listens to this?
They pay for it, barter and trade.
Sure, we'll do it.
Hi, we're going to talk about cosmetic surgery.
Why do I want to talk about cosmetic surgery?
Why?
Who's calling cosmetic surgery on a radio show?
Yeah, listen, do you do blepharoplasty?
Yes.
Okay.
There used to be a lawyer show.
Poor guy died recently.
But...
We would ask him the most arcane...
Okay, a will is devised to A for the lifetime until the age of 21, and then to B. And if B doesn't marry, then to C. Does this violate the rule against perpetuities and the rule in Shelley's case?
Like, what?
You know, who is this?
And we...
I mean, it was wonderful!
They don't do that anymore.
And now...
There is no more talk radio the way that I would do it.
But I digress.
I digress.
My friends, as you know, tonight I am preparing.
Well, not really preparing, but I'm going to be at the cutting room in New York City.
Doors open at 6. Hit the stage at 7. I've got a song that I wrote.
Just wrote it.
With the best lyrics I think I've ever had.
That I can't...
I can't sing for you here.
It would be inappropriate.
Not that it's dirty.
Not that it's blue.
It just would be inappropriate.
But it's a killer.
And it's the only time when you have somebody who is on stage who is asking, who is entreating, who is basically asking for People from the audience to participate.
Enough with that.
I've got to tell you this story before I forget.
So anyway, by the way, tickets are still available.
See you tonight.
Today's day of the show, so see you tonight.
Buy them at the door.
Too late.
Let's see if they work.
Buy them at the door.
I'll be there tonight.
We're going to have a cadre, a wonderful group of...
Our dear friends from FDNY, police, fire, first responders.
It's a great, great group of people.
Now, in any event, I was going to tell you something that happened yesterday.
Mrs. L and I were tooling about driving in my Yugo.
It's a stretch.
And as we're driving, there was this woman to my right.
Have you noticed?
Maybe you would know the name of this.
I don't know what it's called.
But it's a hair treatment.
It looks like either a cross between oily and wet.
Like either they just got out of the shower, but it's oily.
It looks like Vitalis.
You can see it's weird.
Some women have it.
Some people don't.
It's wet and it's like ring.
I don't know what.
This woman was driving.
So as she kind of veered over, I honked the horn to let her know, hey, I'm here, because she didn't have that driver's blind spot assist, which, by the way, is the greatest invention of all time.
Of all time.
The little thing on your rear view mirror.
The Yugo doesn't have that, but I realized it's very good.
Anyway, she didn't have this, so I didn't think she saw that she was veering over into my lane.
And when you're driving a classic vehicle like mine, you want to make sure nobody hits it.
So I just honked.
Not a bad honk.
She proceeded to give me the half a peace sign, repeatedly shaking it with an anger and a look of death that she wanted to do serious bodily harm to me.
Now my question is simply this.
I know we've always had road rage to an extent.
I know there have been cases since the beginning of time we've probably had wagon rage and we had a variety of things as well.
I understand that.
I recognize that.
Yes, we've probably had these events that have occurred.
But the question that I have is simply this.
What exactly What exactly do you think?
This is important.
What exactly do you think brings it on as much today?
What is wrong with us today?
And I'd like to bring this.
I'm very, very serious about this.
What do you think is the reason for this?
What are the reasons for people getting so angry so fast?
So quickly, so incredibly furious.
The fury, what, pray tell, do you believe is the cause of this?
How does somebody show this amount of anger this quickly and all I did was honk to prevent her from maybe, I don't know, Veering in?
Seeing me, not seeing me?
Dear God, something is wrong.
It stuck with me all day.
It really did.
It stuck with me all day.
I never saw anything like it.
I could not believe what I was seeing.
I could not believe what I was seeing.
And I could not If this is even possible, I could not believe that what was happening was happening.
What is that?
Do you believe that there are some times when certain behaviors are exhibited that become, I guess, maybe contagious, not because of any particular reason, but because of a collective anger?
Is society angry today?
What is the matter with us?
What happened?
What happened to us?
I understand that there's always been anger to an extent.
I'm really going to ask myself this question.
And I do not understand.
What is it that makes people like this?
Sometimes things happen.
I was wondering the other day about the history of the clap.
Not that clap, but the history of applause.
How did this happen?
I think it may be pounding feet or something, but how did this?
What is it?
So the next thing you know, somebody said, okay, is this almost a form of that?
Is this some kind of a synchronized, I don't know what this is?
I don't understand.
Because as you know, What I do, more than anything else, what I enjoy doing, is I love seeing how things work.
And I love seeing how things are...
I love seeing how things I love seeing how things matter Manifest themselves.
And I love seeing the collective society of something.
I want to also bring something to your attention, which I saw, which I'm very concerned about as well.
I see a lot of ads here for gambling apps.
Different things you can gamble in.
You know, various...
I don't know what the word is.
Various, you know, slot machines and you don't have to go...
Okay.
Gambling, of course, should be legal.
Of course it should be legal.
Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's good for you.
Do you have any idea, speaking of collective problems, do you have any idea of what will happen ultimately when people find themselves in the position where they are able...
To gamble for the first time and something snaps.
Something in them and they say, yeah.
I don't want to ask people questions.
I don't want to ask you.
You never have to ask.
I don't want people to embarrass themselves.
I'm not trying to do that.
But do you know anyone?
Have you ever been around?
A compulsive gambler.
I said this one time in passing.
I would rather be a heroin addict than a gambling addict.
And they looked at me and they said, you're crazy.
I said, no, because there are functional, heroin addiction is horrible, but there are functioning addicts, but when you are involved in this form of either addiction or compulsion or compulsive behavior, There is nothing that can compare to it.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Have you any references to what I'm saying?
Do you know anybody?
Have you ever been around that before?
Do you yourself?
And I'm not asking.
I'm not asking.
People use the term degenerate gambler.
That is a...
That's a street term.
I think it's a pejorative.
But the idea...
There are some gamblers who are bad.
There are some gamblers who are compulsive.
Some who are addictive.
There's a variety of things.
I'm sure there are alcoholics.
And I'm sure there are people who are just big drinkers.
And I'm sure there are people who can stop but don't.
And I'm sure there's also a wide range.
But I see this all the time.
And I have...
I have argued with this, with people.
Is an addiction something that is a physical trait that causes you to go through a physical withdrawal if you stop?
Is that the only kind of addiction?
Is it really a compulsion?
Is it a behavior?
I'm not qualified, obviously, to answer that.
I'm not an expert in this.
I don't think you need to go through physical withdrawals.
But if you cannot stop doing something, if you cannot stop, I think that's indicative of something that...
For lack of a better word, must be addressed.
Must be.
Must be.
At some point addressed.
I don't know how else to say it.
I don't know how else to do it.
I don't know how best to say it.
But what I'm saying is we are going to see...
And by the way, let me just say something to be fair.
The same thing goes for Bitcoin or crypto trading or day trading or anything else for that matter.
There are people who always, irrespective of the particular stimulus, will sometimes have problems and the like.
So it's not anything in particular.
But I am...
Seeing this, and I have never seen such on the billboard, such, come on, do it.
Fantasy football, great.
I've seen, oh, and by the way, you know, last night, one point was at three billion dollars.
We have a winner, I believe, in Maine.
And I love this story.
And I have these cards that I will buy every week.
I go to my favorite store.
I have a Yemeni friend of mine who runs it.
And I say, buy these, like four or five, just to have them.
And it's kind of fun.
And then they put them down and I forget them.
And I look and I say, ooh!
The drawing was last week.
I don't check numbers and all of that stuff.
But it's fun.
I think it's...
I don't mind doing it.
But when I'm in the store and I see these people with this, give me 253-421-516.
Oh my God.
Or the scratch-off.
Have you seen this?
Have you seen the flurry?
And they are so good at the scratch-off.
They can do it almost in one swipe.
They know how to...
Compress the card, use the quarter, and swipe using the curvature.
Oh my God.
So I love this idea.
I love this idea of just physical manifestations.
Road rage, gambling.
In every radio, TV station, there's always somebody who sends some poor guy out in a truck to go to some...
They say, what would you do if you won this money?
What if you won a billion dollars?
What would you do?
And they always ask the question, is there a rule that says you have to show up and you have to claim it?
In the old days, there was something where you had to show up and get the money and stand with a cardboard check.
And I'm wondering, can you wear glasses?
Can you wear a mask?
Must you use your real name for security?
Because you know you're going to be hit with every kind of charity, every tragic case.
You probably would have to move to a different country.
People would.
And you always hear these stories.
They lost it all.
They lost it all.
All of these people were lottery winners and now they're living in complete and total destitution.
A life of crime and twisted dreams.
Okay, fine.
You never hear about those people who say, no, we did quite well.
You know, put the money away, invested it, doing great, we're done, we're having fun.
You never hear about that because there's no story in that.
And by the way, this goes back in a weird way, in a weird way to what I started off initially by why The media and talk radio and others have missed the boat.
Did you see where CNN headquarters are now doing some changes and revamping?
Do not be surprised if the landscape, if the real estate of media in the immediate future is something that absolutely confounds you to no end.
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So, so critical.
I also have been reading, I think as most of us, the tragedy of Lisa Marie Prusley.
I don't know if we ever know the truth, if we're entitled to the truth.
I don't know if this is something that...
Some stories just intrigue me.
That story intrigues me.
Where is her money?
There's a lot of backstories as to where that came from, how she...
Took the $100 million inheritance and what happened.
There's all kinds of various thoughts about that.
Her own particular tragedies.
Her own families.
I also find, and I know some of my friends don't, the Harry and Meghan and Wills and Kate and royal family kerfuffle.
Beyond fascinating because I don't know what to believe.
But I have been following the idea of and the notion of the royal family since I can remember.
It is one of the most interesting stories.
These incredible internecine battles.
These intrafamilial squabbles.
And again, how much of this is...
How much of this is contrived?
How much is part of it?
I do not believe that Charles, whom I...
I like when people say this.
I like him.
I like Camilla.
I've never met them.
I don't know who they are.
But I think I like Camilla more now than I ever did.
Again, what do I know?
I don't know who these people are.
And I think Chuck, I think he's kind of realizing, you know what?
This is my time.
He's been waiting to be king.
And the coronation, we're still waiting for the coronation.
And what's going to happen with that?
I can't get enough of that.
That's why the British press is so fascinating to me.
I love this.
And I love to hear, especially when you understand the history of what these people are all about.
I know many of us love to say, ah, we don't care, we don't care.
But you know what?
It's interesting.
Let me ask you something.
Do you have something that you find interesting that you do not know why you find interesting?
I had the hardest time explaining to people in the old days, and maybe now.
I don't think they understand it.
Why professional wrestling of the 60s and 70s, it was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.
It was better than anything I could even imagine.
And I tried to tell people this, and I said, do you understand why this is so great?
And they said, well, not really.
I said, well, it's bigger than anything you could possibly imagine.
It was incredible.
And they say, don't you get how that works?
I remember one time years ago, I knew a person who was involved in, of all things, a barbershop quartet.
Is it that big?
Is it that big?
And I looked at the magazines, the sweet Adelines, and they were all over the world, and they would meet for these conventions.
I had no earthly idea.
None.
Then there were people who were into garage sales and yard sales and flea markets.
There's a whole culture as to that.
Then I got into carnivals.
I love to go to carnivals.
You don't know how much I love to go to carnivals.
And I love to watch.
Not the midway, but the people.
That life.
The people who travel from carnival to carnival.
I would love to go to the huge state fairs and watch the Tilt-A-Whirl concession guys.
The carny people.
Do you know the story between carnies?
And professional wrestling.
To speak carny, kiazarni, miyazark, shiazout.
Are you familiar with that?
In the old days, when you would meet somebody who was involved in the world of professional wrestling and you understood the concept of kayfabe, there was a language that stems from carnivals and the carny atmosphere.
A Mark, a Miyazark, if I'm meeting somebody, it's like the mob uses, he's a friend of mine, a friend of ours.
A friend of mine means be careful.
He's not a friend of ours, he's not connected.
He'd be a Mark, be a Miyazark.
And he would, that's, and Kiyazark is that language.
A Miyazark, that's to let you know, watch what you say.
Don't say anything.
This is when they hid, and they used to hide the secrets of this.
It was phenomenal.
Absolutely most incredible thing in the world.
The way a baby face and a heel could never be seen together.
I know in some territories, I believe one time in Tampa, there was a story of Eddie Graham, who was a promoter, who found out that two, that a baby face and a heel were at a party together.
And people saw this.
And that broke, that violated kayfabe.
They were gone.
Gone.
It was that serious.
When years ago, when the Iron Sheik, I believe, and was it, who was it, Hacksaw Jim Duggan?
They might have had a little bit of a problem, I think, in New Jersey.
What bothered people the most, what bothered Vince and others the most, wasn't any kind of alleged putative criminal activity, but the fact that you had a face and a heel traveling together.
Why would they be doing that?
You're breaking kayfabe.
You're breaking the rule.
This was an angle.
You don't do this.
They never, ever...
You don't do it.
It was fascinating.
And it was so secret.
Nobody ever talked about it.
Nobody ever even remotely knew about this.
I remember one time, one of my best buddies ever, ever, was Bobby Heenan, Bobby the Brain.
We were in New York years ago.
And we're walking, we were actually going to the pond, and somebody came up to him, and he was a heel at the time.
And he wasn't overtly rude, but he kept up the heel.
And I thought, wow, you don't understand.
I saw it.
And they would have been disappointed if all of a sudden this person...
It's the most beautiful story anybody's ever told.
Imagine Brad Pitt being...
Aldo whatever, Aldo Bagni, great wrestler, but Aldo whatever his name was, in Glorious Bastards, imagine if he did this in real life.
There was nothing like it.
I could talk about that forever.
In the old days of professional wrestling, carnivals, Itinerant carnival people, people who've been with the Great American Midway, people who've worked at Tilt-A-Roll Concession, people who use the games.
Have you ever seen the games where you can't win them?
It's just, I could spend so much time.
One of these days, remember I'm telling you this, rodeos are going to be the biggest thing, specifically bull riding.
Bull riding is going to be bigger than anything anybody has ever seen.
That is that.
I cannot say it enough, and I cannot possibly put into words how critical that is.
You think I'm kidding?
People don't understand this.
I find it fascinating.
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I wrote, again, a song which is just so perfect.
It's a beautiful Diddy and G. It's a country music...
I think it's more of a country...
It's got some bluegrass twang to it.
By the way, the hottest person in bluegrass right now is Billy Strings.
Just want to let you know.
Along with Molly Tuttle.
And the incredible...
I shouldn't say women guitarists because I think that's...
That's Demi saying, well, she's a woman guitarist.
No, she's a great guitarist, period.
But there is such a proliferation due to YouTube and various digital platforms for people to know this.
But Billy Strings, Dustin the Baggie, that is the guy.
That is the guy.
Ronald notes, I don't like bull riders who wear helmets.
You know what?
I've got to tell you something.
And there was something to be said for that.
I agree with you.
There's something almost...
There's something...
I understand that the...
And also, all type of flak jackets and...
When you had Larry Mahan, when you had...
What's his name?
J.D. J.D. Oh, what is his name?
J.D. Maness or something.
He's excellent.
Do you know...
What country produces the preeminent bull riders today?
Where are the best bull riders in the world?
They're here.
They perform in this country.
But where are they from, I ask you?
Where are they from?
What country?
And they have been an absolute...
They've taken the sport by storm, and it is a sport.
What is the country?
I'm waiting.
There's a bit of a lag, so when I ask this question, what is the country?
It's not the United States, though we have the best, certainly.
But, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, where is it?
What is the country?
I'm waiting.
And Mexico?
No.
Argentina.
No.
Brazil.
Brazil.
The Brazilian...
Look at this.
The Brazilian bull riders.
Why?
How this happens?
They have...
How many Brazilians have won the PBR?
In the 28 years since the PBR was launched, seven different Brazilians have won 12 world championships.
The Brazilian dominance of the American professional, they are, it is, who knew where this came from?
Their dedication to this, it's fascinating.
I'm telling you.
And anytime I can see something that is new, and you know what, there are some concerns that may be, Maybe this might be something which is demeaning or treacherous to the animals.
I don't know.
I'm not one to tell.
I'm not sure about that.
PETA, I don't think, would be too fond of it.
But what are you going to do?
I think I would have a problem with bull fighting.
I don't think I would particularly care for that.
But bull riding and how they...
I mean, you can prepare all you want, but each bull, it's something else.
My friend, today's theory, today's theme is to be curious.
Curious about everything.
And if there's something that you're not sure about, make it a point to go check it out.
If a bunch of people are doing something, whatever it is, I don't care.
Anytime groups of people meet, whether it's for certain things I have no interest in, football, I just cannot, I have no interest in seeing any kind of spectator sports that are available today other than the ones I've mentioned.
But find out why people like it and enjoy yourself.
Imbue yourself in this.
You'll always find something interesting about this.
But I've got to tell you something.
I mentioned this before and I'll say it again.
State fairs, don't you love state fairs?
The smell.
The smell of the grease.
I'm not going to eat this, but I love to smell the grease.
It is a way of saying, we're going to eat food that you would never eat in any walk of life.
And we're going to take butter and we're going to batter it up and fry it.
Fried butter, lard, deep fried Oreos, turkey legs.
Deep fried and you know it's just and how somebody sits back and thinks about this.
I remember I watched a number of stories about the big state fairs and there's a company that makes chocolate chip cookies and they give them basically a bucket of these chocolate chip cookies and they make millions and who wants a bucket of I guess people do.
I find it fascinating.
Absolutely fascinating.
Who has ever had a corn dog other than at a...
You don't buy these anywhere.
You don't see them except at a carnival.
And how many people don't know the idea of pull the stick out and then eat it?
Not, you know, stabbing yourself with this stick.
This is something which I find just, it is so quintessentially American.
It is a complete beautiful admixture.
This wonderful, not hoi polloi, but I just, I love it.
I just, my observational bells and whistles go off and I could just sit there and just watch.
I could just take it all in.
I absorb it.
I love it.
Alright, my friends.
Listen, you have a great and glorious day.
Mrs. L and I are preparing.
Again, if you're in, I want to see you tonight.
Tickets are available at the door.
Doors open at 6 p.m. at the cutting room.
The link is right here on the top.
I've pinned it.
Make sure you see me.
Come out and see it.
I'm telling you, I'm saying this not to be gratuitous, but it's true.
There is nobody that I know of who actually combines, can combine actual Pairing of, and it's not stand-up comedy, though it is funny, and you'll laugh for different particular reasons, but where you are the guest, where you have cards and answers and mics, and we, it's just not done.
It's not done.
All right, my friends, have a great and glorious day.
Mrs. Ellen and I send you our love.
Don't ever change and mean that sincerely.
And as I always end with this valedictory, the monkey's dead, the show's over.
Sue ya.
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