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May 24, 2022 - Lionel Nation
58:48
DAILY BRIEFING:The Lionel Lens
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Here we go.
What was that, honey?
What'd you say?
Oh, there we go.
Okay, we're on now.
There we go, honey.
We're on now.
We're live.
We are live.
We are live.
That's right, everybody.
You know, I was watching something the other day, and I was thinking about something.
I was watching our replay of what we do here.
And I don't know if it would be something that I would want to watch unless I were participating along.
I don't know how that would work.
I don't know how that would work.
I don't know.
Do I want to see this later?
Or do I want to see it when it's happening?
Does this matter without the interaction?
Is this important without finding out who is he talking to exactly?
I don't know the answer to that.
I'm not sure.
I was watching parts of it.
I had to stop because I cannot watch myself.
I watch myself just to see if there's a weird Like a positional thing.
Like, for example, I got rid of my glare-proof glasses.
See this?
You get a lot of that.
And the reason why I glare, don't ever get that clear coating because it cracks and it's horrible.
This will last forever.
So I'm saying, do I put my head down?
Do I put my head up?
That's all I look for.
I wrote a book.
I never read it.
Did a CD.
Never heard it.
Once I do something, I don't want to see it.
I don't want to watch it.
It means nothing to me.
It's over.
I have no interest in anything I've done.
But I was watching what we do, and it was very interesting.
It was very, very interesting.
And I've got to tell you something.
It seems, I think, it seems better with all candor.
It seems so much better than the other folks who've done this as well, because you see, I like you.
They don't.
Do you know what I'm saying here?
I like you.
Faye Page says, I like to re-watch sometimes.
I think that's what Chauncey Gardner said.
I like to re-watch.
Okay.
Or whatever.
It's very interesting.
Ethan says, like, so he doesn't complain about the likes.
So he complains.
What are you going to do?
Yeah, he's complaining.
We live in this stupid world of metrics.
How many do you have?
How many do you have?
We saw the other day something that was the most Mrs. L gave a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful presentation.
I'm so proud of her.
Among a group of concerned parents.
Do you mind if I mention that film that we saw?
It's called Childhood 2.0.
Now, O is a letter, zero is a number, I know, but it's 2.0.
It doesn't sound right.
It just doesn't sound right.
Some say, you're who I trust.
Well, it's whom I trust, but that doesn't sound right.
Well, it is 2.0, but we call it 2.0.
And it was the most incredible, it was the most fascinating.
You've got to see this.
Go to lenswarriors.org.
She'll show you where to see this.
It is It is the most...
And what do you think they did?
They talked to kids, and the parents were talking about when the parents were.
And the parents were younger than me, but they said the same thing.
And I've been thinking lately, am I getting too nostalgic all the time?
No.
Am I getting too...
No.
No.
Because this is the essence of something.
When you get too far away from the essence of it, it's not that thing anymore.
For example, there's country music, and if you keep straying from it, eventually you're into pop.
You're into folk or something.
There are things or areas.
And that's why childhood, kids in particular, they're so gone it's not even funny.
But what's interesting also is today the news.
Now I just did a video.
Did a presentation for LionelMedia.com.
And the story of stories of stories of stories of stories, the one today, I don't want to go into it now, because I think it's contrary to this particular medium that we're in right now, but it's Kissinger at Davos.
And Kissinger basically said, Ukraine, you better talk about ceasefire or withdrawal or surrender, and West, you better back off.
This is what I've been saying since day one.
This is from Kissinger.
So if you want to go into that deep, dark, heady stuff, really into the interstitial weeds, lionelmedia.com, become a subscriber, that's it.
But this is something which I find fascinating.
And it's something that's on my mind lately.
It's called conviviality.
How we deal with each other.
When you go someplace, when you go someplace, when Mrs. L does her presentations, you always go to, and by the way, you know who have been terrific?
Churches have been great, organizations.
They're the, don't expect government to bend over backwards.
Yeah, sure, talk about protecting kids.
Come on in, we'll help you.
Gee, I wonder why.
But you always look and see, like, oh, what do we have?
We're going to bring some snacks.
Ooh, what are those?
Isn't that something?
There's something about this, and I'm looking at this, I'm saying, this is so human.
This is the Lionel lens.
That's what this is.
I want you to see, I'm sitting back and I'm just watching this.
This has, this happens in every corner of the world and our country, whether it's a PTA meeting, if they even have those anymore.
An AA meeting, or some 12-step.
God bless those people, by the way.
Garden clubs.
It's people meeting together.
People meeting.
It's this thing.
I see it now.
That's what we're doing.
We're doing it.
We're using social media to meet each other from all over the world.
This is only possible through social media.
It's good!
It's something that's good.
I can't explain it.
It's good.
It's beneficial.
We drive by this thing the other day.
It's very interesting.
It's a...
We live in New York, but we drive through, you know, upstate and Westchester and this and Jersey and drive around.
Because, you know, there's the city and then you can go so far.
Where's that place?
Was it in Montclair?
The Iris?
What's that called?
Iris Gardens.
The Presley Iris Gardens.
The Presley Iris Gardens in Montclair?
Yeah.
In Montclair, New Jersey.
Why We Left The Softball Game 00:02:58
And we're driving.
And there's all these cars.
I'm saying, what is this?
A concert?
What's going on here?
Because across the street there's a field.
It must be a softball game or something.
No.
I think, what the hell are these cars here for?
What's going on?
They were looking at the iris.
The irises.
They're getting out.
They're walking around looking at the iris.
This is great.
They're looking at plants.
They're looking at a flower.
That's it.
They're lined up.
How great is that?
Finally!
Finally!
This is it.
This is what humans do.
This is what we do.
There's a comedian named Sebastian Maniscalco.
And Sebastian Maniscalco is a modern version of a dear friend of mine whom I love.
His name is Pat Cooper.
Pat Cooper is a...
Well, he's one of my heroes.
One of my absolute comedic heroes and the like.
And Pat Cooper has been around forever.
And he's like 93 now?
93?
No.
Yeah, 93. 93 years old.
And he's big.
He's a big guy.
You know how they have...
Sometimes when people get older, they get kind of scrawny.
Not him.
So, Sebastian Maniscalco kind of does this thing about Italians, and Pat Cooper did this.
And Sebastian Maniscalco does this thing about when you were a kid and you had company, and he does one of the best presentations of his act.
He's very theatrical.
And he talks about how people, when you had company, people would just show up.
Did you have that when you were a kid?
Somebody knocked on the door.
Who is it?
Hey!
We were in the neighborhood.
Pasquale Caputo.
That's right.
He is great.
And I mean that sincerely.
And I send that to you, Matthew.
From me to you, buddy.
But there was this...
People would just show up.
Christmas time.
I remember as a kid we had this guy who would...
Bring over a ham.
I don't know why, but every year he'd just show up.
Here we go.
Here he is.
He'd spend hours.
Hey, look at you.
Just come by.
Now, if you told kids that today, come by.
What are you talking about?
Crumb Cake Conspiracy 00:05:18
You just went there?
Yeah.
I was in the neighborhood.
Today, of course, you hide.
If somebody pulls up, if it ever does happen, you grab the gun.
You hide.
You turn off the lights if it's at night.
You try to...
A lot of these people...
Have you seen this?
You'll see it a lot in New York apartments.
They have these devices underneath the door.
That's to keep all the weed smell out.
But that's so that nobody can see you walking back and forth.
And they can see the show.
They're there!
I see the movement.
Maybe it's a dog.
No, that's not a dog.
Those are people.
They're back there.
I see you!
I know you!
I mean, it's weird.
If you told kids today, they actually went to people's homes.
The men of Chicago talks about they have the intimate cake, which you keep for company.
You've got the nice stuff, the pot of coffee, maybe some Sanka.
Do you ever go someplace and somebody says, well, I've got some frozen coffee.
What?
I've got some instant coffee.
You've got what?
Instant coffee.
Do they still make that?
Yeah, I've got instant coffee.
Oh my God.
That's my reaction.
Oh my god.
Wow.
Have you ever had instant coffee lately?
It's serious.
It's like ten times the octane.
It's very interesting.
Anyway.
Visiting.
Conviviation.
talking talking talking Sitting down and saying, what have you been up to?
Well.
Oh, been a few things.
What about you?
What have you been doing?
Well, we've been doing some things.
Really?
Yeah, that's interesting.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Have you been terrific?
We don't do that anymore.
Not only do we not do it, we don't want to do that.
We don't want to do that.
How many times do you see people, you drive through neighborhoods, I'll bet you there are people who've never met the person down the street.
Never.
Never.
Look at this.
Liz says, I dropped in on two friends unexpectedly over the weekend.
We had the best visits.
Until you left, Liz.
Then your friend said, what the hell is that about?
What, did she just show up like this?
She's drinking again.
Just kidding, of course.
Look at this.
Alphonse Ragusa.
Is that a beautiful name?
Alphonse Ragusa.
I constantly have people over and I make espresso.
It's fantastic.
And thank you, Alphonse, for not saying expresso.
E-X.
People were hospitable.
Kevin says that.
Roland says connections.
It's true!
Shade moving and floor creaking.
Who could it be now?
You're right about that.
That's, of course, Donald Newell.
A house is not a home without crumb cake.
You hear that?
Crumb cake.
Crumb cake.
I can't believe you said that.
The other day we're at this event and somebody says, what is that?
They say, what's crumb cake?
Crumb cake?
Wow.
How about this?
What is that?
It's pound cake.
Oh.
Oh, that's nice.
Pound cake, huh?
Yeah.
What's that?
Sarah Lee?
Yeah, yeah.
The brick?
Yeah, yeah.
There's a place in Jersey.
I'm not advertising it.
I'm just telling you.
B&H?
In Hackensack?
Where is it?
They're known for their crumb cake.
The thing weighs like 10 pounds, and it's just, and they wait, and it's a bakery on Sunday.
Where you go and you get a number, and you have that device, that little, on the stanchion, and you pull this, and you look up and you go, oh no, 42?
What's this, 12?
You wonder, how is this possible?
12?
13?
Remember that scene from The Sopranos?
Anyway, this is just what I want to reaffirm.
We are so...
It was so funny.
I was watching.
I just happened to have something.
I cannot watch cable news.
I go through these things where I get into a food I like or a thing I like and I stick with it and I stick with it and I say, alright, it's enough of that.
I'm tired of that.
I cannot watch cable news anymore.
I can't watch it.
I can't.
I learn elsewhere.
I learn elsewhere.
The information's there.
But you know what drives me crazy?
Why We Use Words 00:15:18
And it's not a very long ride, I admit.
These shows have tried to come up with, so we're happy you can join us.
Oh, but you shut up.
What are they doing?
They're perpetuating what I'm doing.
They're doing what I'm telling you.
Convivial.
Conviviation.
Confabulation.
Talking.
Hey, look at us.
We're talking.
Hey, wait for us.
Hey, welcome.
How were you?
How was your weekend?
Both the Yankees did great.
Is that great?
What did you do?
Well, I couldn't believe the price of gas.
Would you stop that?
This is insincere.
There's something.
We are just losing, losing this.
You know what?
You can say what you want about dogs.
But they go up and they smell each other.
And you know where to.
And that's all it takes.
Okay.
Yeah, you're okay.
You'll do.
That's good.
That's nice.
That's nice.
What is that?
Interesting.
I like that aroma.
We're friends.
What do humans do when they meet?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Do you ever have this one where you meet a...
You run up with a friend of yours.
And they introduce you to their kid.
You've never met their kid before.
You go, Hi, how are you?
This is Morgan.
Hi, Morgan.
Oh, no.
What is the matter?
Wearing the mask.
No eye contact.
Hiding.
Like this.
Have you met this?
They're all over the place.
Hey, Morgan.
What grade are you in?
What grade are you in?
What?
What grade are you in?
I don't know.
I don't go to school.
You don't go to school?
I remote learn.
I don't know.
What's your favorite subject?
Subject?
Where do you go to school?
My kitchen table?
Go to kitchen table.
What the hell's the matter with this kid?
You got a girlfriend?
What?
Don't say that.
Remember when you were a kid?
Hey, you got a girlfriend?
No.
Remember when you were a kid and kids would always get into that girlfriend?
You know, girls are icky kind of a thing.
What are we talking about?
I used to do this routine all the time where kids would just...
Not that long ago.
This is my routine all the time.
How old are you?
Good.
What are you, about 15?
15?
I'm this many.
What are you showing me with your fingers?
What is this, a secret?
How old are you?
This is my...
Quit.
How old are you?
Not even done yet.
What is this?
And they start...
They realize this guy's funny.
What are you, 12?
12!
I'm a kid.
This guy's crazy.
And of course, the one that killed him.
Was that you?
It was not.
Broke the ice every time.
Kids loved it.
We had this kid one time who lived down the hall from us.
Oh, they took him to his squash class.
And then he was going to his bassoon lesson.
And then he was going this.
And he's got his private school.
I said, hey, can you do this?
And the mother said, no!
He goes, that's great!
How do you do that?
He like dropped everything he had.
This was the greatest.
Instead of, you know, he drops the bassoon, drops the squash racket, just drops it.
How do you do that?
I said, if you learn how to do this, it will change your life.
For the rest of your life, wherever you are, you're the party.
You can break up things, anything.
Funerals, weddings, church, doesn't matter.
Just all of a sudden, it just...
The mother looked at me.
I don't want to say you don't want to kill me, but maim?
This figure?
Certainly.
Certainly there.
No doubt about it at all.
I'm serious.
I see it all the time.
Everywhere we go, I'm seeing the human connection absolutely Absolutely non-existent.
And it's getting worse.
And getting worse.
And here's the best part.
This is the part that I will say to you repeatedly.
And I think it's very true.
And that is that the...
How do I say this?
This device that we're on now.
This one that we always talk about.
We always hate.
And watching this Childhood 2.0.
Oh my God.
This will terrify you.
If you have children, oh my God.
But it can do so much, so many great things by bringing people together in a different way.
The power of a powerful Bronx cheer.
How many people?
I really miss my old neighbors, talk to them, says.
They were great, lovely people.
Where I'm at now, not so much.
I know.
Jimmy Kumia sent me.
Thank you, my friend.
First name, last name.
I like this.
The cheese breaks the ice.
It's true.
Um...
My dad taught me to always give a firm handshake when meeting someone.
Never the dead fish.
Absolutely.
And by the way, there's so much of an art to that.
If you are There are some people who are really, some are almost violent with this.
But make sure you get the webbing.
This is called a perlicue.
It has a name, the perlicue.
Make sure your perlicues connect.
And when you drive your hand up into this, I don't care if they've got hands like blackjack mulligan, it doesn't matter.
You're in.
And look.
And there's all kinds of variations.
The handshake, the hand on top, the shoulder.
Remember when the right arm thing came?
Not right arm.
I used to go right on.
I called it right arm.
In the 70s.
Remember this one?
How about this cool thing where you go up and you put your shoulder?
What is that?
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, how's it going?
Hey, how's it going?
What is this?
Oh, it's something.
Do women even do that?
Men at least.
Something.
Hey, how you doing?
Women...
I don't know.
I guess.
I have no idea.
I have no earthly idea.
Trump handshake?
Don't squeeze too early.
You're right about that.
Look them in the eye.
Here's one for you.
I knew somebody one time who had...
I don't want to...
I think sometimes we use a word.
We use Asperger's too much.
We talk about spectrum.
People say, did it want to make eye contact?
Well, sometimes eye contact can be a little intimidating.
So I said to this young person years ago, I never forget, I said, I've got a trick for you.
I said, do me a favor.
I said, it's very simple.
I said, when you talk to me, because you're looking down like this, I said, when you look down at me, I want you to do something different.
I want you to...
I want you to look at one.
Look at me right here.
Not in my eye.
Look right here between my eyes.
Just look there.
I said, you see how you're looking at me?
Yeah.
I said, it looks like you're looking at me, but you're not.
You're looking here.
Now, you can look at me all day long, can't you?
Yes.
Exactly.
Just look right here.
You can stare down anybody.
Forever.
Do you freak people out?
Don't do it in New York.
Believe me, don't do that.
But if you ever want to talk to somebody, look right here.
It was like that.
Absolutely.
Changed everything.
He did it from that moment on.
I say, it's a trick.
It's simple.
It's simple.
And when you meet people, there's a couple of things too.
Always know when to nod.
Nodding is good for two things.
Number one, it gives somebody the false sense of affirmation and approval and approbation and also keeps you awake.
Another trick.
People love to hear their names.
They love it.
They love to hear their names.
You know, John, you make a hell of a point.
My name's not John, but whatever, that'll do.
You know, John, you're right.
You know, John's right here.
There was a guy one time years ago at one of the best burger places ever.
It was called El Cap, St. Pete.
That's when I was eating burgers years ago.
And the fellow who owned it was a guy named Frank Bonfile, nicest man in the world.
And he would never forget a name.
He would never forget a name.
And one day I asked him, I said, how do you do this?
I don't know if you ever get me yet, but I realized.
He said your name a million times.
He would say, I'll tell you what, Tommy.
You're right, Tommy.
You gotta love those reds, Tommy.
Gotta like those reds.
Tommy.
Tommy.
And pretty soon after, he said, and you said, okay.
He never forgot the name.
Whenever you don't know what to ask somebody, if you forget a name, do what I do.
I always say, what do your friends call you?
Oh.
I used to do, how do you spell your name?
Smith.
Oh, they're going to be Smythe.
No.
What do your friends call you?
Or, You say, Jerry, why don't you do the introductions?
That's because you don't know this person's name.
I don't know about you, but when I hear names for the first time, I just don't, I don't, I slough right over them.
It's not that I don't remember, I just, it's inconsequential.
So I have to stop.
And when people say, see you later there, Lionel.
How does he remember?
I don't even know this guy's name.
I've been talking to him.
I'm very bad at that.
Not because I don't remember, I just don't put any stock in it.
Now I've changed.
I'm doing it differently.
I try to do something.
I try to say it.
Something that I remember.
Something that I remember.
It's like when you learn a new vocabulary word.
If you never use it in a sentence, it means nothing to you.
You'll forget it immediately.
It doesn't mean anything.
But if you say it, if you say, well, that seems rather anodyne to me, well, I remember saying that.
I remember saying it because I remember when you reacted like that.
Anytime you pair something, anytime you, I love this.
I used to eat meat.
I still do, but I used to as well.
That's an old Nick...
No, what's his name?
Nick...
What's his name?
Hedrick...
No, the comedian says, I used to do drugs.
I still do drugs now, but I used to do them.
Nick...
What's his name?
You know what I'm talking about.
It's a very good joke.
He's very, very good.
He, Stephen Wright, what is his name?
He had the, he never made eye contact, he had stage fright, died of a drug overdose.
It was brilliant.
There's another one too, the fellow with the Greek name, Mitch Hedwig.
Mitch, yes, Mitch, yes.
Hedberg, or as you say, Herberg.
Close enough.
So leave it to Alphonse Ragusa.
Alphonse for the score.
Let me tell you something.
Hedberg.
Yes.
Excellent.
What about that guy with the Greek name?
Not Demetrius or Splitkin, but Demetrius or whatever his name is.
Brilliant!
See, but that doesn't grab me.
Yes, Mitch Hedberg.
Brilliant stuff.
You know, Nick DiPaolo.
I used to work with him.
Well, I was on a show years ago called IATA.
IATA was the first internet radio station.
But we didn't have broadband.
Didn't have bandwidth.
And he used to come on all the time.
He was very, very good.
Let me see.
I'm trying to figure out...
There was a fellow...
Yes, hit the like button too.
In any event.
Don't talk about that.
So, the good news is...
As we start today, this Tuesday, I want to tell you why I think Tuesday is the worst day of the week.
And I wanted to share this with you, and I think it's worth noting.
First of all, Mondays are bad, but at least you can say, well, it's Monday.
Let's get this thing going.
Who knows?
We'll start off new.
Wednesdays are great because Wednesdays are at least like, well, it's the middle of the week.
You know, it's hump day.
Yeah, it's hump day.
Hey, it's hump day.
Thursday, even better, tomorrow's Friday.
Friday, ta-da!
Last day of the week, of the work week usually.
Saturday is, I think, the best because it's the first day you say, you know what, free and unencumbered.
Sunday, tomorrow's Monday, but at least Tuesday is the worst day because there's no way around it.
Tuesdays are the worst.
I hate them.
I don't know why.
You ever understood that?
You ever understood that whole notion of this?
But it's absolutely true.
So anyway, my friends, feels like a Monday, Mitch.
Our sense of humor is an important one.
You know, it's funny you say that.
Roland Hasbrook, from Hasbrook Heights, by the way, sense of humor is one of the things which I do not know how to explain this better than this.
Sense of humor does not mean you're funny.
Sense of humor means you have a sense of it.
Can you understand it?
Do you get it?
Do you have a...
You can have a tremendous appreciation for food and be a food critic, but you can't cook.
But you have a great palate.
You got it.
You understand it.
That's the way of a sense of humor.
I find it to be, right now, the worst of the worst of the worst of the worst.
I'm glad you brought this up.
I'll give you a couple of examples.
Number one, Dave Chappelle.
Dave Chappelle is now funny because he's Dave Chappelle.
And that is absolute zero hour.
Not good.
The thing that Carlin did...
He always, and I'm going to tell you something right now, which people don't like me to say.
Maybe you agree, maybe you don't.
Carlin was not funny.
Carlin was a philosopher.
Nobody Wants New Stuff 00:07:22
I didn't really laugh.
I mean, we laughed.
But what he said was brilliant.
Bill Hicks one day will get the credit he deserves.
He was a philosopher.
He was a sage.
He wasn't just a comedian.
But Dave Chappelle is now going into the I'm Dave Chappelle.
I don't have to be funny anymore.
The guy tried to attack me.
We're going to milk that for all that's worth.
And when you're at that, he's got to be the most frightened now.
Because unlike music, let's face it, when you perform, nobody wants to hear your new stuff.
Nobody wants to hear your new stuff.
When you're out there performing, This may be something which is a problem for many people, but nobody really wants to hear your new stuff.
It's not something that anybody's interested in or cares about.
It may be terrific, may mean a lot to you, may be great and all this stuff, but nobody really wants to hear your new stuff.
But when you're a comedian, it's the new stuff.
It's the only stuff they want to hear.
You can't do a joke twice.
It's not the same.
Andrew Dice Clay.
Had a wonderful routine.
Until you went and go, I heard this before.
How many times are you going to hear it?
I never understood that one.
So what Dave Chappelle is doing right now is he's letting the fact that he's Dave Chappelle kind of get in the way.
And you go there with such a hyped sense of this is going to be great.
You're always a little disappointed.
Nobody wants to realize that.
You're a little disappointed.
Because he now has to hit you with his best stuff ever.
Humor is the weirdest thing in the world.
On July the 16th, July the 16th, not September, July at the cutting room, I'm going to be there.
You're going to find it very, very funny.
You know why?
Because it's true.
Because it's the absurdist thing.
It's the line of lens.
It's the way I see things.
I mean, anybody else can make the same observation, but it's not the same.
And it's my unique thing.
And if you're like, it's funny, not because I'm funny, it's funny.
What I'm telling you is funny.
The subject matter.
It's good stuff.
When humor is dependent upon him telling you, it's not good.
I'm sorry.
And the person that I cannot say, I cannot talk to you.
Who is so overdone is Jerry Seinfeld and these comedians having coffee.
Hey, let's talk to a funny comedian.
And you realize one thing.
They are not funny.
And comedians love to sit back with this forced, fake, over-the-top...
Laughter, like they're hysterical, they're cacinating, they can't see straight.
They're going through paroxysms of laughter.
Seizures, convulsive laughing.
This is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.
You will rarely ever, ever meet somebody who is even remotely interesting where they're not doing their act.
When they're not doing their act, they are not even remotely.
Dave Chappelle, by the way, was so interesting when he was on the Actors Workshop with Lipton.
It showed a side of him that...
Did you ever hear George Carlin?
Most boring person you'll ever want to meet in your life.
If he's not on stage.
If he's not on stage, absolutely the...
You know what?
He doesn't have to be.
Nobody expects Mick Jagger.
Do you ever have Mick Jagger say anything interesting to you?
No.
Keith Richards?
No.
But you don't expect him to be.
But you think that a comedian is going to be funny.
You would think a comedian, by virtue of the fact that they're into a voice, would be naturally funny.
No!
It's an act.
It's like an actor.
Watch any Paul Newman interview.
And you'll be asleep and there's nothing there.
It's a really weird thing.
It's one of the strangest things I've ever seen today.
And now I'm seeing also this exceedingly gratuitously look.
Anytime you see somebody will melt for Lionel.
What?
You should have t-shirts made up for your show.
Liz Sola.
You know, you got a good point there, honey.
Have some t-shirts made.
It's just a thought.
Yeah, or no, no, just t-shirts.
We'll just...
Wouldn't it be funny if we just sold, like, Blaine t-shirts?
Yeah.
Remember Louis Anderson that time?
Remember Louis...
Louie Anderson, we saw him at the cutting room.
He's nice.
We walked by afterwards.
He's standing with us here.
People can go to the shop.
You can buy them there.
By the way, what I do is I take a picture with everybody, whether you like it or not.
Oh yeah, you can't leave.
I will take a picture of you.
That's the thing I do not understand.
I do not understand.
You pay money, you go and see somebody, and then you don't talk to them.
And by the way, let me explain something to you.
And I think you realize this, for whatever it's worth, this is me.
This is it.
I'm not...
This isn't an act.
I don't know how you can act like this, but this is not me.
I am the...
How do I say this?
And I'm going to say this with all due respect.
I know it sounds weird, but I'm going to say this.
I am the perfect entertainer.
The reason why is because...
I don't do an act.
I am the act.
That's it.
It just so happens I'll do what I'm going to do whether you're watching it or not and if people do want to watch it, great.
But when I get done it's going to be the same thing.
I do not understand I think Pat Cooper was the only person I've met.
I haven't met a lot of people.
Pat Cooper I love.
Roseanne is Roseanne.
I think people would like Roseanne even more.
Roseanne's a hell of a cook.
I don't know if you knew that.
She loves her family.
She's a hell of a cook.
She's the most real.
Jokes and Positive Signs 00:15:43
Last time, well, two times we saw her.
Once was...
Once she was here in New York.
We went to see her.
It was at the time...
Remember when people had the...
Remember when we weren't using...
What the hell am I trying to say?
What am I trying to say?
When we weren't having plastic straws.
Remember that?
All the plastic straws are gone.
And they give you those paper that kind of dissolved.
And then you had that metal that would get too cold.
Remember that?
Now they're back.
I almost broke my teeth.
Yeah.
Who?
Plastic straws were killing orcas?
Not anymore.
Roseanne was telling me stories about when she was from her youth.
She is absolutely the funniest.
She's naturally funny.
You know who else was very funny?
Phoebe Snow.
Phoebe Snow and I know when I tell people this women now hear me out I'm not trying to be sexist or anything.
Women are not raised telling jokes.
This is the truth.
They just don't do it.
It's a guy thing.
And you tell jokes and you hear jokes and even if you're not That great at delivering them, you want to tell jokes.
I'm sorry, it's a male thing.
I'm sorry.
A friend of mine's wife one time, I said, so two guys, so a Scotsman, a Japanese, and an Australian walk into a bar, and his wife says, really?
I said, no, it's a joke.
Or people who just don't understand this.
They don't understand the fact that, why are you telling a joke?
What does this mean?
It's weird.
Anyway, Phoebe Snow, Could tell a joke.
Phoebe Snow absolutely made me laugh.
I'm not going to go into others that I met who I think are great professionally, and then when you meet them, their politics are just.
I've never seen anything like this.
Humor is a gift.
Let me tell you something about humor.
This is going to be funny.
about this um so When people are depressed, you know the positive and negative signs of mental illness, like schizophrenia, positive signs?
Positive signs do not mean good.
Positive signs mean exaggerated signs.
For example, like paranoia is a positive sign.
Fear is normal, but this is excessive.
Laughing is excessive, but this is excessive.
Positive means too much.
Of what's normal, and the negative signs are things that are not.
Okay?
Things that are, for example, fear of crowds, fear of people, fear of interaction.
That's lower.
You're showing a negative inclination towards a particular behavior.
You don't have to be outright But there is a certain degree of humor where you want to see something that's funny.
And I hate when people try to define humor.
I hate it.
But when there is an absence of humor, either your ability to recognize it, not to reproduce it, but to recognize a sense of humor.
If you don't see anything...
In anything.
Irony.
Sometimes people have a very base sense of humor, maybe a slapstick, whatever.
But if you don't, there's something very wrong.
It's mental illness.
Mental illness.
One of the hallmarks of schizophrenia, sad to say, is the inability to use expression, um...
Can I got your tongue?
No.
There's no cat.
They can't...
Abstract and humor.
It's one of the deadliest sides.
Not that you don't even have it.
You don't recognize it.
It's not that you're not funny.
But when you don't even recognize its existence.
And things can make you laugh in the strangest way.
Sometimes you can laugh at your own frustration.
The only laughing that you don't want to hear is this.
That's not good.
That's not laughing.
That's evil.
And that's not a good, good thing.
Look at this.
Sarah says, my great aunt Shirley is hilarious.
Just sitting around talking to her is the best.
There are women, not too many, who are naturally funny and witty.
You know what?
I shouldn't say that.
It's unfair.
To say that there aren't funny women.
There are funny women.
But it's not...
I don't know why.
There is a male component sometimes to...
There's always something...
Have you ever listened to British humor?
Versus...
To hear...
Listen...
And I can't...
I can only listen to humor in English.
But to hear British humor...
One of the greatest things that ever happened to us was when Monty Python and the British Invasion came.
I never understood the goon show.
Never got that.
I can't say I saw everything, but Spike Milligan and the two Ronnies I thought were brilliant.
But Monty Python came along and that was our...
Oh!
See, to me, in my generation, Carlin came along.
That was the first time we said, this is a little...
This is...
This is not just regular humor.
This is...
This is radical.
This is not just funny.
You know, Richard Pryor...
He was great, wonderful, but I didn't get the...
It was different.
One time I saw Richard Pryor in Tampa, the highlight for Antonia, I think my friend and I were the only white people in the entire, the entire place.
He was making a movie called Bingo Long, and he had his hair, and it was processed, and they put the light right on it.
He goes, oh, you do travel in groups, don't you?
It was part of the routine.
He was great, wonderful, wonderful, but not like Harlan.
Carlin was the hair and the, hey man, and he, transformational.
That was very important.
Monty Python 2. That told us, that is, stick your, stick your, put your foot in the clutch and just let the engine just go crazy.
Whatever you want.
Just go nuts.
That was a very, very, very, very, very important.
For me also, and Seinfeld agrees, The moment where I saw the light, so to speak, was Robert Klein's Child of the 50s.
That was...
And then before that, Bill Cosby?
Stories?
Stories?
Bill Cosby cannot be repeated.
Nothing that Bill Cosby says per se is funny, but the way he says it is very funny.
Forget what he did later on in life.
Forget this.
You're right, he's a terrible person.
But when he was at his prime, And then before that, Bob Newhart.
Button Down Mind.
Biggest comedy seller ever.
And what did Bob Newhart do?
He did the phone thing.
Hello?
And what did Andy Griffith do?
The phone thing.
And they got this thing called football.
And where did they get that from?
Georgie Jessel.
Who was on the phone?
Mama.
He would talk to his mother.
Everything is kind of a derivative.
These were huge people.
Georgie Jessel was huge.
I will never understand how people think Milton Berle's funny.
I don't understand it.
I watch sometimes...
Did Bob Hope ever make you laugh?
Did Bob Hope ever...
Did he ever say anything even remotely funny?
Thanks for the memories.
They go, yeah, but that's Bob Hope.
But he's a comedian.
I never...
I don't know if it's generational.
I have no idea.
Never got that.
Never understood any of it.
Benny Hill, somebody said, that was okay.
National Lampoon.
Two things.
Maybe it's a generational thing.
National Lampoon.
SCTV.
SCTV is absolute genius.
One time, I had wisdom teeth taken out.
We had this doctor in Tampa who would just knock you out.
None of this local stuff.
He would put you out.
And God forbid, you know, you have a...
But it was very painless because you were knocked out.
But before he would knock you out, he would put you in the room.
Give a little Ativan or something.
Kind of loosen you up a little bit.
And I had, at that time, it was the National Lampoon.
Addition on foreign, on travel.
And one was going to, now I know I'm explaining this, and you can't explain cartoons.
But I'm going to break my rule and tell you what it was.
Going to cruise ships.
And the premise was, these cruise ships are so big.
They're just too big.
One was a ship.
You looked and you saw, okay, there's a ship.
But if you look at the bottom, you see the skyline of New York.
Now I started laughing.
Because I've looped up on this stuff.
And I'm laughing.
And it's suppressed.
I can't laugh because of whatever.
Then they showed foreign travel.
I think it was Gay and Wilson.
One was irregular money.
You can't put it in your bills like this.
He's trying to put them in.
And then the one that killed me was I'll just tell you this.
It was on Handicapped Olympics.
That's all I'm going to tell you.
We were at something recently.
One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Honey, I don't know if you recall this, but let me see if I can set this up for you.
I do agree.
Don Rickles was wonderful.
How do I say this?
Don Rickles is great.
Watch him when he had to do the Reagan something for the inauguration when Emanuel Lewis Emanuel Lewis, TV's Webster Hands him the mic.
It says, be funny.
Great stuff.
Honey, I don't know if you recall this.
Recently, we were at an event.
It was a church event.
And it was something we went to to honor somebody who, you know, sometimes you can have a mass, you know, and honor somebody.
So we go.
It was interesting.
And we're there, and we're behind somebody, and I don't know what happened.
We have a friend of ours.
And for some particular reason, I don't know what happened.
I don't know why.
Who knows why?
It was a very interesting, it was a kind of a funky mass.
The priest sounded like Bela Lugosi.
I don't know about you, but a lot of times you go to places and they have people.
I guess parish priests are hard to get.
Remember the one we had, a friend of ours, her funeral, we had somebody, I don't know what, he would say, Christ in his love.
And we're thinking, I don't know where he is.
I can't make out where he's from.
I'm looking at him.
I don't know.
European.
I don't know what this is.
That was one.
But this guy was talking like this.
He sounded like Bela Lagoza.
And he took the cup.
Gave it to his disciples and said blah.
It was weird.
I don't laugh.
The sign of peace.
I haven't been to Mass in a while.
I'm still theoretically a member.
I'm retired, but nonetheless.
All of a sudden they started doing this for the Our Father.
I don't know why.
We didn't do this.
Hey!
Where did this come from?
Hey!
Hey!
Our Father!
Hey!
Okay, that's alright.
The sign of peace is the weirdest thing in the world.
The sign of peace is like this.
Norma's saying, oh God.
Okay, here's...
He took his cup, gave his...
No, I give you peace.
My peace I give you.
And now show each other the sign of peace.
Okay.
And this is what you do.
The guy behind you turns around.
Hey, how are you?
Peace.
Peace.
Pace.
In Pace.
Thank you.
Okay, fine.
Alright, great.
And then you turn the one behind you.
I like that.
That's it!
Guy in front of you turns around, you turn around the one in the back.
That's it.
Maybe one, two, two tops.
We're not going to do the whole row.
It's quick.
It's more of a, let's just pretend we're giving people.
Some people will absolutely go crazy.
They get out, they walk down the aisle, they go over here, and the priest is, you know, Bella's waiting.
If you don't mind.
Now one woman was like this.
Remember this, honey?
She was like this.
She was like giving, like, points.
She was like pointing to people.
Hey!
Hey!
So I went back to her like, hey!
I'm giving them back.
I don't know if it was that point or something else, but these people we were with behind us, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there wasn't anything particularly funny, which made it even funnier.
Church Woman's Repressed Laughter 00:03:12
You heard this, but I can't make that noise without throwing up.
It was the loudest bronchial exhalation.
It was Years of repressed laughter coming out.
It wasn't just, you know, at the moment.
It was, I mean, it was the loudest thing I've ever heard in my life.
And it was like, this is just beautiful.
And I was thinking about this.
Why is that funny?
It's Chuckles the Clown, repressed laughter, solemnity of all places, not now.
In church?
With this woman?
And I thought, I could have gone on forever.
And as soon as you're outside of the church, it's not funny anymore.
Now what was that?
Was that humor?
No.
Was that a sense of humor?
Well, obviously not, because there was nothing funny at the time.
But what was it?
What do you laugh?
It's not laughing.
It's something else.
It's...
Something in you is over.
Something's fighting you.
It's not sorrowful.
But it's just like a cry.
It's a paroxysm.
It's blurting.
It's almost like you've been...
It means something.
It's very, very symbolic.
It's not just, you know...
And of course, we're...
We normally would say, ah, whatever.
No.
I've been thinking about that forever.
What did that mean?
Animals don't do it.
Dogs don't do it.
Dogs don't laugh.
People don't laugh.
I don't know why people laugh.
Babies laugh.
Babies, from the moment they're babies, they understand this, they get this.
They laugh.
You don't have to teach them.
And by the way, they will cry for a variety of reasons, but they don't laugh unless they're happy or they're funny.
Or you see something, you're doing something to them, but they realize...
What an asshole.
They look at you and you go and they're laughing and the baby's thinking, can you believe this?
This is my parent.
Look at this.
There's it.
We'll talk about it one day.
You've got stuff to do.
I've got stuff to do.
Pardon me for waxing.
What's that, honey?
You alright?
It's okay.
Alright, that's enough.
Follow me at linomedia.com.
Don't forget Lin's Warriors.
Please go to Lin's Warriors and on YouTube, Lin's Warriors.
Sign up.
Please follow it.
Thank you very much for being a part of this thing.
Thank you.
I hope you don't mind me not talking about Russia today.
Same Bad Time 00:00:30
I'm having a...
I'm really...
I'm really...
I'm being more focused and targeted in my anks because I'm always, I'm just angry about everything.
I'm always angry about this.
And the cash prices are this.
And they came with a baby for this.
And Biden did this.
And Trump did this.
And it's like, you know, it's like, this is just not the way to live.
It's important to recognize it.
Anyway.
All right, my friends.
Have a great and a glorious day.
See you tomorrow.
Same bad time, same bad channel.
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