| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Beach Safety First
00:02:23
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|
| I love the beach. | |
| Oh, hello. | |
| You guys are probably wondering what I'm doing. | |
| We're practicing social distancing in self-quarantine. | |
| Right now there's a global pandemic going around and I'm going to show you ways to still enjoy your time while being in self-quarantine. | |
| First stop, let's go to the beach. | |
| Found a conch shell. | |
| Let's see what it's saying. | |
| It says to stay the hell home. | |
| The sun is so bright and hot today. | |
| Don't forget your sunscreen. | |
| Now I can sit back, relax. | |
| I'm safe from germs and safe from the sun's rays down here on the beach. | |
| What you're witnessing right now is actually a very rare and exotic beach creature. | |
| The crabs here are really willing to bite you. | |
| You're going to read a bedtime story to your AR-15. | |
| I am Sam. | |
| I am Sam. | |
| Sam I am. | |
| I do so like green eggs and ham. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Sam I am. | |
| Good night, my little baby. | |
| Good night. | |
| In case you run out of toilet paper, learn to improvise. | |
| Oh no, we're all out again. | |
| What am I going to use? | |
| Aha. | |
| That'll do. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Something else you can do while quarantined is go to patreon.com slash Caitlin Bennett if you want to support her work and make sure that she doesn't lose her job. | |
| I think I'll join the 200 tier. | |
| Look, I just signed up for her Patreon and I got this really cool autographed photo from her in the mail every single month. | |
|
Can't Go Back Now
00:06:00
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|
| And for just $5 a month, you can join her private Facebook group. | |
| I love Facebook. | |
| Is your spa closed? | |
| Just pick one here. | |
| All my worries about not being paid and not being able to leave my house are gone. | |
| I don't even know what I'm stressed about anymore. | |
| The best thing about an in-home spa, you can also turn it into a swimming pool. | |
| It feels great. | |
| Hey, hey, no splashing in the pool. | |
| Just doing some lots. | |
| Since the rest of the NBA season is cancelled, play a game of basketball with your spouse between the Knicks and the Nets. | |
| Or if you are a Maquette, you can play basketball with her. | |
| Backwards! | |
| Play a board game. | |
| Like life, because you're going to be feeling like you don't have one. | |
| Alright, I gotta pick a career. | |
| Let's see, I could be a dancer, but... | |
| Non-essential. | |
| I could be an athlete. | |
| Non-eccentral. | |
| They canceled that. | |
| Oh, I could be an actor. | |
| How about... | |
| No, no, they closed Hollywood. | |
| Ooh, I'll be a scientist. | |
| They need those right now. | |
| Nice landed on payday. | |
| Wait, but you can't go to work right now. | |
| I got it. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| $50,000 from the government. | |
| Oh my gosh! | |
| And since you can't go to the range, Crump and build that wall. | |
| You can be like Donald Trump and build that wall. | |
| You can also go to cameo.com/slash KateMarieOX and request your own shout out or personalized video from me. | |
| Hi, Luongo. | |
| Thanks so much for being a fan. | |
| I'm so sorry you're stuck in quarantine right now. | |
| Really hoping you're able to get out of this little rut that we're in. | |
| Wash your hands. | |
| Make sure you always wash your hands. | |
| Stay six feet away from someone at all times, social distancing. | |
| And it's your birthday. | |
| Since all the zoos shut down, you can just make one here in your home. | |
| I love monkeys. | |
| I just love monkeys. | |
| You could read your wife's favorite book. | |
| Before I begin, I need to apologize to all mankind for this recipe. | |
| Mankind, I'm sorry. | |
| But these pancakes, they're just so darn good. | |
| What is this book? | |
| Is this a cooking book? | |
| You can take time and watch your plants grow. | |
| You can also play dress up with your cat. | |
| Yee-haw, cowboy. | |
| Ho, ho, ho. | |
| Since you can't go get that haircut that you desperately need, just do it here at home. | |
| I feel so refreshed and like a new woman. | |
| Thank you for seeing me. | |
| I can't believe you're still giving haircuts right now. | |
| Well, don't tell Governor DeWine. | |
| So, welcome to Kate's quarantine salon. | |
| Are you looking for the quarantine special? | |
| I'm looking for the quarantine cut. | |
| All right. | |
| What hair do you want me to cut? | |
| All of it. | |
| Since the nail salons are all shut down, just have your spouse do them for you. | |
| This is gonna be so good. | |
| Thank you so much for helping me. | |
| I'm basically a pro. | |
| I know you are. | |
| And I'm free. | |
| Are you ready? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Let's get started. | |
| You're welcome. | |
| That looks beautiful. | |
| I think I was just waiting. | |
| I gotta get all of it. | |
| I think I'll just wait. | |
| Get out of here. | |
| Go! | |
| I did such a good job. | |
| I saved you so much money. | |
| Now we can buy toilet paper. | |
| Thank you. | |
| I did not know you were gonna do that much. | |
| If you guys enjoyed this video, be sure to like and share, hit the subscribe button, and click the notification bell so you won't miss any of our new videos. | |
| And if you want to support my work, you can become a patron at patreon.com slash Caitlin Bennett and receive super cool perks like an autographed photo from me in the mail each month. | |
| Or you can go to caitlinbennet.org and get up to 75% off and free shipping on supplements and merchandise to support my work and start living a healthy life. | |
| My favorite product is TurboForce because it gives me all the energy I need to make it through a long day of doing interviews. | |