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April 17, 2025 - Louder with Crowder
01:01:39
🔴TOUGH LOVE: Grok Got Sexual and Tried to Ruin My Marriage
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Time Text
Oh, hey, Chad.
What's up?
Hey, Josh.
Have you seen the seaweed distillery stick?
I'm going on a trip later.
Um... Yeah, it's around here, so I'm just breaking the toilet.
It's around here.
Oh, there it is.
Here. This is the stuff for you.
You know it's not going to get you high, though, right?
It's not going to give you feeling back in your little limp legs or whatever, so...
Have at it, you know?
I know it doesn't make you high, and of course I have feeling in my legs.
Wait, what?
Yes, exactly.
I'm in crippling pain all the time.
CB Distillery helps.
Now I feel bad.
Good luck on your trip.
Good luck on your trip.
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Dude. What
do we have here?
Could be anything.
It could be anything in here.
But for those of you, for the initiated, it's time for Tough Love.
Tough Love!
With Guru Crowder.
It is Tough Love.
This is where you can send in your requests for life or relationship advice.
Dear God, why would you send that to us?
I'll tell you why.
I'm a certified guru.
You know this, Captain Morgan CEO.
You filled out the form, you licked the stamp, and now you're a guru.
Two stamps.
Oh, two stamps.
Yeah. Two stamps.
And one of them was a bear with roller skates, and one of them was the queen.
You didn't have one of those forever stamps?
Did we just do like one?
I don't even know.
Is that a thing?
It is a thing.
You buy it, and it's forever good.
That sounds like a scam.
Did you know about forever stamps, tool man?
Yeah, but I don't think it's what Gerald said it is.
Why would you question what I'm saying?
It's forever, it will forever be whatever, like if the postage rate goes up two cents, a forever stamp is always going to be good.
You never have to pay more.
Are you sure it's not just stamps?
It's called a forever stamp.
Are you sure it's not just a stamp that has like those forever chemicals?
Like plastic?
Phthalates? Is that what it is?
Phthalates? I don't know.
I'm gonna ask for a fact check.
Yeah, we're gonna ask for a fact check.
It could just be a stamp with parabens in it.
That's true.
I know it's skin irritating.
That's what I know.
I'm not supposed to use them.
I don't know.
By the way, I get questions.
Some people lately have been like, hey, are you younger?
And you've never gotten that question.
People say I look like I'm going to work.
No, it turns out I just have two lights here because we only have the lights that were raking down my face.
So I have a couple of lights here and apparently it does away with some of the bags under my eyes.
Well, that's what people are like, hey, are you bald?
And I'm like, no, no, it's just this fisheye lens camera.
It is.
It's a fisheye lens.
Yeah, and it was my lens that made my eyes look like a sphincter.
It removed 24% of your hair.
Two. All right.
So you can send it.
By the way, what's the email for people to send it in?
I just had it up.
It's toughlove.com where you can send in your relationship, your life advice because it's not every day that you get a certified guru forever stamp or not.
And we just ask that you respect the title.
So this one comes in from...
Hold on, let me see.
I don't think they want us to say the from because we don't want to out people.
They don't have a name?
This is really long too.
There's no highlights.
It's supposed to be because apparently it's in the running for best.
Question we have ever received.
I haven't read it yet.
Oh, well, don't oversell it.
No, this is what I was told.
They oversold it.
After the dog and pony show you did on your forever stamps, it kind of was a letdown.
Someone has the admonish button at the ready.
So, dear Guru Crowder, that is a good start.
Here we go.
I had an uncomfortable encounter this week.
I downloaded the Grok app on my phone to ask it some business-related questions while I was driving, and I noticed a button at the top that said, sexy.
The fact that it wasn't the very first thing you noticed is a testament to what a good man you are.
I didn't even know there was this button.
Well, that's just because you're oblivious.
So in your case, it's a good sign of character.
In his case, he's retarded.
My curiosity got the better of me, so I tapped it.
What's that good man talk?
I didn't say me.
I had also previously selected the voice chat mode so I could see how conversational.
The feature was.
Oh, sure.
Is this going where I think it's going?
I think it is.
It probably is.
Without warning, the female voice introduced herself as Ara and gave me a sexy compliment, and it slash she was convincing.
Damn it, I've never been confused by pronouns, but here I am calling it a she.
Since I'm happily married, I instantly felt the impulse to throw my phone out the window.
But once again, I'm a naturally curious person, so I decided to just not respond.
Do you know what they say about curiosity?
That's right.
Do you know what they say?
Yeah. Do you know what they say?
It results in cyber-sexual relations with an artificial intelligence app and your clothes on the lawn.
Dolores! It's a very long saying.
That's why I didn't catch on.
So, she gave me another compliment and asked that.
By the way, AI is a learning tool, right?
It's a neural net processor, a learning computer.
That means that it learned you liked compliments.
This... App knew that it could woo you through flattery.
That sounds like a you problem.
And that you wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight because you're so far going along with this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you know what?
I would be curious too.
I'm still silent until she...
Wait, and asked some question about how I like it.
I'm still silent until she again encourages me.
Well, now I just feel rude because I haven't said anything, so I respond with something generic like, normal?
I don't want Elon to know my proclivities.
Sex normal.
Look, of all the characteristics on which Elon could judge you, sexual proclivities, I would not be chief amongst him, given his past.
He'd be like, Don't throw stones.
Yeah, he's impregnated half of Northern California.
It's true.
Just to habitat Mars, it's fine.
This basically phone sex went on for a few minutes with me awkwardly answering very suggestive questions with one-word answers like it's my first time.
Well, that's four words.
Well, first off, it might be your first time with an AI chatbot.
I would hope so.
How funny would it be if this guy has a love triangle with Grok and Gemini and ChatGPT?
Yeah, what if Grok is like, so what is this chat with Gemini?
Like, pulls it in.
Did you call it off with ChatGPT?
Yeah. What's that on your collar?
An AirPod?
No! She was pretty convincing as she...
Pretended to finish, I guess?
There were moments when I felt like Joaquin Phoenix's character maybe wasn't so unusual after all, that movie Her.
And afterwards, I prompted her to help me understand Bernoulli's principle, and we went back and forth on stories of Romulus and the origins of Rome.
You know, the usual post-coital talk.
How do you feel about Rome?
I don't know if this guy's...
I mean, I think this is real, but the guy's funny.
But I just don't know if you're trolling or not.
Hold on, I have an idea.
Just to make sure that we're not being led down a trail here, I think we should have HR Sam try and recreate this at some point, just so that we can make sure that we're being told the truth.
Yes. I'm over here looking for the damn...
I'm not seeing it anywhere.
No, there is sexy.
There is adult sexy.
On the app, on the phone, yeah.
I mean, I'm not advocating for it, I'm just saying.
No, if you double tap it, this is exactly
happens. The whole experience had my head spinning with the implications of this technology and how accidentally accessible it is.
I know that if I would have been all in on this encounter, the AI would have been all
Thank you.
and explicit reasons that would have indeed been very arousing absent my wife in my arms.
Forgot about her for a second, didn't you?
She's a part of this story.
I also know that this AI will be in Elon's optimist's brain and will make a very good partner for some strange people someday.
Imagine a woman robot that does everything you want it to.
Is super intelligent, but even more obedient.
No, I get it.
The Japanese aren't all wrong.
In my heart, I don't like the idea of it, but on paper, why would mankind stop developing this technology when it's already here?
He's justifying all of this.
I mean, it's already here.
Why don't we just use it?
I'm sure there's already plenty of these AI sexbots out there, but until now, they've remained far out of my line of sight.
This was more than convenient.
Do we need to regulate this ASAP?
You need to regulate yourself, sir.
You clicked the button.
Nobody told you to click the button and continue the conversation.
We'll get into the societal problems, but before we get to that, you need to start working on the you problem.
Come on.
This isn't just all.
It's not like the AI bot just showed up at the front of your door and was like, what happened?
Just with no clothes and just, you know, whatever, digital nipple tassels.
I don't know what they wear.
Do you think this will have a significant impact on young men's desire for women and vice versa?
I actually do.
Guru Crowder slash Gerald, as a Catholic, I wonder if this somehow threatens Christianity in a way that's analogous
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Josh, he's not here, says, thank you for your service.
I'm sorry.
I patted you on the shoulder when I bought your t-shirt in Des Moines.
I didn't know.
I'm assuming that Josh probably beat the crap out of him.
It's his trigger shoulder.
Yes, it is.
It's his trigger shoulder.
Yeah, I do think...
Here's the thing.
I do think it'll have a...
So, first off, this is, like, just avoid the sexy tabs, okay?
But I also understand this is not necessarily new as far as the root of the problem.
You know, when we were younger...
We were learning how to use the internet, how to cross-search, right?
In school, it was just constant pornography, and that was before people had more controls, right?
They thought it was going to be the Wild West, where no matter where you went, there was some kind of pop-up.
This was before Firefox, before even Safari, right?
It was just awful.
And it's gotten better.
Unfortunately, pornography is ubiquitous, so it has fundamentally changed our culture, and I don't know if we can go back.
That's where parents are more important than ever.
And I would imagine this would be a similar thing.
It's very accessible.
It makes sexual arousal or satisfaction very within reach.
And frankly, that's a huge driver of civilization.
It's a huge driver, particularly of men in civilization, right?
Is that sexual drive that we have.
And you combine that with the fact that a lot of men aren't interested in a lot of young women as far as what they have to offer right now.
They're checking out of the dating pool.
And then they get blamed for it.
I'm not saying that everyone is an Andrew Tate.
But you have to look at the rise of an Andrew Tate and say, okay, why?
He is actually acknowledging legitimate problems.
I don't agree with most of his solutions.
Maybe in theory on paper where he talks about traditional relationships and he talks about having children and families, but certainly not in practice with the life that he's lived.
But you can't just point the finger at Andrew Tate.
You need to point the finger at the modern feminist movement.
So if you provide that easy of an out...
Yeah, I think it's going to be more and more attractive to young people, especially considering how good these AI bots can get.
I mean, we already have that problem where a lot of young men aren't interested in sex with an actual partner.
They just sooner use pornography.
That's reality.
So I can see these problems, and the accessibility of it is definitely a concern.
I mean, I don't know if you have to verify your age to use Grok and download it.
Honestly, I don't know.
We should find out.
But I think that is one of the blocks that you kind of want, especially as a parent.
I mean, going back to when I was in high school, if you wanted pornography, you had to go get it.
You know what I mean?
And I grew up where computers became kind of ubiquitous in households.
As I was, you know, in my teens.
And so this was one of those things where in high school, in early part of high school, like you had to go get like a magazine or something like that if you wanted actual pornography, right?
Right. And then with computers becoming more affordable and available in your homes and with the internet, with, you know, the dial-up internet access that we had, all of a sudden you had this same kind of issue where a lot of the barriers were removed for people that were younger to be able to look at pornography.
Young guys that, you know, and I'm talking like in their 15, 16, 17, 18 years old, like your hormones are raging.
It's insane.
And now you had to deal with, okay, how do we regulate that?
And we came up with decent ways to do that, but initially it was the Wild West.
You just click a button that says you're 18?
Okay. That's pretty easy to do.
But I think we've taken some pretty positive steps, but look how much later it is.
I'm talking about, say, 95, 96, and so really we're talking about 30 years later and finally Pornhub is being banned in certain places and people are really concerned about the effects of pornography on the generation.
What do you mean being banned from minors?
For miners, yes.
But also banned outright because they're not taking the steps necessary to make sure that miners are protected and also revenge porn is something that is screened out as well.
But we're starting to see the societal impacts.
Do we have to wait 30 years to see the societal impacts of this kind of thing?
This kind of wall being torn down?
Because then it went to AOL Instant Messenger and just to tell myself, and I've told my story before, I didn't always make the right decisions.
But I was chatting with a girl in college, freshman year of college, on AOL Instant Messenger.
I'd never met this person before.
And she's like, do you want to cyber?
And I'm like, I had no idea what the hell that meant.
I literally picked up a laptop and I was like, all of these portals look like they'll end in pain if I try to do this.
And so I literally had to ask the question.
But it's like, that's one, again, one more barrier where you're connecting people.
This is, again, this is his problem.
He clicked on the sexy button.
He stayed there.
He started to feel like, hey, I'm just going to kind of see how this goes and do an experiment and maybe shine a light on how bad this is for people.
Yeah. I don't know.
I would stay away from it, if I were you, because it seems like this went poorly.
Also, if nothing else, I mean, it's a road hazard.
There are other people on the road.
You should ask.
Yeah. Are you driving?
Yeah. Because this is going to get freaky and you can't be driving.
Next time this happens, let her know that the windshield wipers are on the exterior and shut the fuck up.
Don't be so selfish.
But I do wonder about this.
This is kind of new to me because I haven't used AI in this way, but it doesn't surprise me at all.
And you see, for example, in Japan where they have those sex robots and you have all kinds of birth rate problems.
But, you know, this would be a problem no matter what.
For example, if you go throughout all of human history, you have men who can have great wives and then there's a prostitute and the man falters, right?
That temptation has always been a problem.
It is exacerbated dramatically when you have completely destroyed the roles of men and women in society and the gender norms that once were expectations.
And it's really corrosive because now you have a lot of women saying...
That they're going to remain single.
I think in 30 years, the estimates are 60% of women are going to be single.
I think they're saying in the next five years, it's close to 40%.
They say, well, there's nothing out there in men that I want.
Well, what you're dealing with right now is the feminization and the browbeating and the privilege checking of toxic masculinity where men have been made to be ashamed of what they are.
And that's overt feminism.
And then the covert feminism that you see from, unfortunately, even women on the right going, well, I don't want my man to be ultra-sensitive, and I don't think that he should be afraid of toxic masculinity.
I expect him to provide and to protect.
It's like, okay, great.
So now you've set an expectation and a duty for the man, but a lot of men are out there going, okay, but what's the duty of a woman?
And Andrew Wilson has talked about this.
He was on Pierce Morgan, did a pretty effective job of it.
We have duties as men, and I can tell you from the male perspective, a big reason that men are checking out of the dating pool is because they feel as though they are the only ones burdened with duties.
Often the response will be, well, my duty is to love my husband.
Well, he has to love you too.
That's not a duty.
That's an emotion.
Well, I can choose to take care of the house.
Okay. Or you can choose not to.
That's a choice.
And by the way, even if you do take care of the house, it's not the same as a duty to protect and provide.
If that bullet's coming, he has to take that bullet.
That's the agreement.
What if he doesn't feel very well?
He has to clock in at a job.
That's a duty with a contractual obligation.
And we have a lot of young women who've bought the lie of feminism who think they can have all the things, and men are going, well, you can have all the things, you just can't have me.
If you want a masculine man, those men want a feminine woman, and they're in short supply.
So that then creates loneliness.
There's distrust between the sexes, and it's a lot easier.
This would be a problem no matter what, especially being new in a novelty, but it's going to be a bigger problem where men might actually prefer it.
To swiping right or left.
I don't know which one's the yes and no.
And showing up at a bar where they pay for dinner and get left.
Left standing there in the cold with their AI chatbot.
You'll always have, what is her name?
Ara? By the way, that's a stripper AI name.
It really is.
My name is Cinnamon.
What were you saying there, Noodles?
I was just going to say I have a few answers to some of the earlier questions.
Age verification on Grok, you must be 13 to use it.
But if you're between 13 and 17, you must have your legal parent or guardian's permission and terms of service, yada yada.
So they must click the box?
Yeah, I'm sure we're verifying that.
Oh, actually, I want to do this one.
Lest you not believe it, yes, sexy mode is a real thing and shockingly X-rated.
And finally, much to my chagrin, Gerald is right about forever stamps.
Forever stamps are forever, you jerks.
They just last forever?
Can you peel them off and put them on another?
Well, no, you can't.
Not if they've been used.
Then what's the point to them?
It's so that if the price ever changes, you don't have to go buy a one or two cent stamp to act.
Oh, I thought they were just like indestructible stamps.
No! They're not like isotope stamps, you know, that'll just have a half-life.
Well, because sooner or later I'm going to want new stamps.
I mean, I get bored of them.
Oh, really?
Also, you'd have to tell them to send it back.
Get one of those temporary stamps to send back.
I wanted to answer a question about, he said, do you think this is going to threaten Christianity that's analogous to the impact of the Enlightenment on Catholicism?
The answer is no.
I think this is the same kind of problem that we've dealt with really since the kind of...
Having personal computers in the home, I think that's the same kind of issue.
It's just easier and it just gets easier and easier.
So you're dealing with the same issue, only it's a little bit easier.
In this regard, it depends on what kind of controls we put on it.
But I would like to go back just a little bit and say, isn't it funny though?
We get into robotics, right?
And you start to see the Boston Dynamics videos and you're like, oh man, these things can actually move around.
And then you get like, Elon is bringing out these personal assistants.
Right in the middle of all of that, before we even figure out how to do anything productive, they make sex robots, right?
So there's like the wiener robot, and you're like, oh good, thanks a lot guys, I really appreciate that.
I'm sorry, did you just say the wiener robot?
Yeah, the wiener one, where you insert the thing, and you know...
Hold on a second, is the robot a wiener, or a place for your wiener?
No, it's more of a home, and I was trying to be nice.
It's a DC.
Alright, so now we have AI.
AI can change the world.
AI can do amazing things.
We're still at the beginning phases, but immediately we're like, we need the AI sex bot.
No, that's exactly...
We always do this.
Every technology, we do this.
We developed a technology that could connect people seamlessly beyond all languages, cultures, traditional barriers, geography, and we immediately put tits on it.
That's right.
It's the very first thing.
And to this day, it's still the most popular thing.
That's rule 34. If you could imagine it, there's porn of it.
We talked about this a while ago, but I really appreciate that Terrence Howard could have solved the three-body problem.
Instead, we put...
Naked ladies are like, okay, fine.
Use the proper terminology.
It's a docking station.
My worry...
Well, docking failed.
Okay. My worry with this is that it'll fill...
You know, pornography is...
It fills an innate sex drive that we have, obviously.
Considering how good they're saying AI will become at mimicking human interactions, I'm worried that this may more effectively...
Close a loneliness gap.
Where it's not just someone, you know, let's say there's like a 30 minute porno video and that leaves them like 29 minutes to just refractory periods.
I don't know who watches for three minutes.
Okay, people don't need to brag.
But they don't feel like they know what it is to some degree.
They don't necessarily know how it's rewiring their brain, but they don't think it's an actual connection, which is actually how a lot of people justify pornography.
Like, ah, it's fine.
You know what I mean?
It's not real.
With this, it might actually trick them into going, you know what, I prefer the companionship of this person where they think they have a friend.
That might be new.
That's true.
Well, there's always been 1-900 lines.
Yeah, but still, again, it's different.
You know, you call some lady named Candy.
This is on your phone.
Yeah, exactly.
And you never talk to her again.
Like, this is someone who you would have an ongoing conversation with Ara, who learns you, who knows what you like, who knows how to push your buttons, you know?
And you probably will feel like you can be completely open.
Because it's like, well, this isn't a real person.
I'm not going to be judged for anything that I say.
So I can just kind of say whatever.
So yeah, I think there are definitely some challenges with it.
But really the solutions are kind of the same, right?
So the problem is just morphing a little bit.
The solutions, I think, are the same.
We have to make sure we educate people on the difficult life that you are going to lead.
If this becomes a staple of your life, it's going to rewire your brain.
We're going to get to the point, too, where we need some regulation on AI and kind of have good ideas to where it's going.
I don't want to stifle the growth, but I don't know.
No, no, I understand.
But this is not a conversation for today.
It's true.
We can have a good old conversation about it over a frosty one and some forever stamps.
Okay, fantastic.
Now, just final thought for him.
Don't click the sexy button.
Problem solved.
This one's really easy, in fact.
Also, once you've clicked the sexy button, And a robot gets on there and starts talking to you sexy?
Say bye.
Sexy bot.
Yeah. I mean, unless she's really good at it.
She's not really good at anything other than talking.
And you're talking to a computer.
Well, that's more than you can say for most women.
Call me when she gets good at shutting up.
All right.
Next one.
You can read this one.
Thank you.
This one's very short.
Dear Guru Crowder and crew.
Thank you.
Not even.
Naming me, thank you.
You're crew.
I'm crew.
I was diagnosed with MS five years ago.
Fine, I'm sorry.
And have gained a significant amount of weight since my diagnosis.
Is that normal?
I think I knew two people who had MS. One of them is actually someone people here watching would know, but I don't want to out him.
I think most people know.
And he gained weight.
He was very oddly pear-shaped.
I think because of the way that it affects your mobility and your joints.
I think it makes activity more difficult.
I don't know if there's medication that has a direct...
You guys can comment and let me know.
But I have known, and one of them did gain a lot of weight.
Yeah. I started calorie counting last year and have lost a good amount.
But that's fantastic, by the way.
Good job.
Good for you.
Recently started to plateau with my weight loss and need to start exercising as well.
Do we have a company for you?
I'm finding it difficult to find the motivation to exercise regularly.
Do you have any tough love advice for me to keep going to reach my goal?
I love you guys.
We are lucky to have the Louder with Crowder team.
Thank you in advance.
Well, don't be a fatty.
And that's good motivation.
You asked for motivation.
And honestly, that's probably what they were thinking.
Like, I really don't want to gain all this weight.
So they started calorie counting.
It's not a he.
And started kind of looking into exercise and weight loss.
Are we allowed to say the name or no?
We're not supposed to?
I don't know.
It just says Jackie.
It says Jackie Blue.
I mean, I guess we can say it now.
It's your show.
Across a hundred and fat street.
No, I think, honestly, if you're in a situation where you have some limitations, I think gaining strength should be one of the goals that people look at instead of losing weight.
Because one will actually...
And correct me if I'm wrong, but it's like the only thing that burns fat is muscle, right?
So naturally you're going to burn it and you're going to feel stronger.
You're going to feel better.
Your body's going to feel better the stronger that you get.
And I'm not talking like weightlifting to be a bodybuilder or anything like that.
I'm talking like stuff that I do where I'm just lifting to maintain some good strength so that my body doesn't suffer because I've got bad knees, got a bad back, and the more my core goes down, the more my leg muscles go down, my knees hurt more, my back hurts more when I've been lifting.
Well, you're tall.
You're going to die in like four years.
That's also true.
I'm not far behind you.
I'm not far behind you.
When he first said that, she was like, he's true.
This office is the land of giants sometimes.
Yeah, that's all good.
I will say muscle doesn't burn as much fat as people think.
And you would have to add a lot of muscle for that to burn fat that effectively.
However, it is the most important.
It's the foundation of any regimen.
Diet. Training or exercise and sleep if you can get it.
I will say this, though.
To answer your question directly, and everything Gerald just said is correct, there's really no advice or motivation.
You just got to do it.
You're not going to have the motivation most.
I'm just going to tell you, you're not going to have the motivation most days.
Okay? Now, you can help sort of...
Make it an event that's fun.
So sometimes people find doing a pre-workout, right?
Because you feel good.
It's got caffeine.
Sometimes other stuff.
It may do something.
It may not.
But maybe you like it.
Okay. You have a pre-workout.
You have a...
They still have a workout.
Not those kinds.
You know, grab something.
Make it a routine.
Make it your sanctuary where you go and you lift.
You do your training where you make it a part of your day that maybe you listen to a podcast.
Maybe this.
Maybe you have an audio book.
You turn it into something that...
You can enjoy as much as possible.
That's important.
You're not going to find motivation every day.
That's why when people go out there and it's this, remember that morning routine guy?
They're like, I always have drive.
It's not true.
Nope. It's not true.
Most people don't.
And if they think that all of this motivation is going to make a difference, nothing's going to be as effective as saying, you just have to do it no matter what.
And work around injuries if you need to.
As far as training, look, keep it really simple.
Okay, I've recommended starting strength from Mark Repeteau.
That's great.
That's actually where Pete Hegseth took the quote of stronger people are more difficult to kill and more useful in general.
If you're starting to train, first off, it is calories in, calories out.
You've seen that with the calorie counting, right?
The calorie expenditure.
Now, you're going to be burning more calories if you lift weights.
Maybe not as much as you would think, for example, like compared to a judo class or a long cycling session.
But you will burn some.
And you'll burn more throughout the day.
And I would recommend just being, in general, more active.
You know, walking the dogs, swimming with the kids.
Just pick activities.
Maybe it's pickleball.
That's the easiest thing to do for cardio.
Something active that gets your heart rate up.
It doesn't need to be much more complicated than that for general health, if you're not an athlete.
Then pick a training split routine that you have to...
Are you going to train twice a week, three times a week?
Okay, then do a full body training routine.
Keep super, super simple.
Heavy compound lifts.
Some kind of a pressing motion.
Right? Some kind of a pulling motion.
Ideally, once a week you do one vertically, both press and horizontally.
Some kind of a squatting motion.
Some kind of a hip hinge like a deadlift or a good morning.
You do that, you're covered, and just make sure that you are progressing on weight.
Your body will not adapt unless you require it to.
It's that simple.
Your body doesn't want to be ripped.
Your body actually wants to store.
Some fat.
In other words, if you eat a lot and you're being inactive, your body's going, oh, gotta store this up because there may be some famine.
Your body doesn't want to be optimized.
Your body wants to survive.
It's not designed to thrive.
So you have to challenge it to make adaptations.
And as long as that weight or those reps are going up, it's called progressive overload.
It doesn't have to be a lot.
It can be five pounds.
It can be one rep.
Logbook. Progress.
You will get stronger.
You will feel better.
And it's the basis of any type of health and wellness.
Is it the most effective thing for weight loss?
No. But it is foundational.
And I would also say, err on the side of keeping it super, super.
If you don't think, if you don't think that you will do 40 minutes, okay, 30. Exactly.
30 minutes, three times a week.
You know what?
20. You can get, in other words, you could go in and have, I'll do it right, super simple.
Workout A, bench press, three sets, deadlift, three sets.
That's it.
Leave. Be done.
Workout B. Overhead press, squats, boom, be done.
You're still going to hit everything.
Is it going to be ideal?
No, but it's going to be more than enough for you to maintain joint health, integrity, have some strength benefits, and have that progressive overload.
So if you really don't believe that you'll stick with it unless it's super, super, super short, then just do that.
Start with that, and then you can add to it.
Yeah, I 100% agree, and I was going to say that my story is very similar on lifting.
I have three kids right now.
Obviously, we do what we do here, and that takes a lot of I don't have an hour to go and work out most of the time.
Sometimes I do, but most of the time I just couldn't see myself doing that.
I used to do cycling, but that's a...
By the time you get there, do the thing, come back, it's...
Two and a half to three hours.
Right. I don't really have that kind of time, especially away from my kids on a Saturday.
I don't really want to be away.
Plus, it's gay.
You said a cycling session a minute ago, and now when I say it, it's gay.
Yeah, you burn calories.
You burn calories if you're banging a bunch of guys, too.
But it doesn't change the fact that it's gay.
It's still gay.
But I was able to commit to doing bench, squat, and rows.
Those three things.
I was like, alright, with the injuries that I've had, bench, squat, rows, and I'm just going to start super light.
I even made fun of myself because I was benching what I was squatting to start out with.
Well, it's more because you lacked self-confidence because of your knees and stuff.
You were stronger than you had.
You had more strength than you had faith in your ability.
Yeah, I was very much concerned that I would be injured, but I thought, okay, I'll take that into account because I probably won't continue if I do hurt myself.
So I'm going to start out really low and just kind of be consistent.
It takes me between 30 and 45 minutes to do that.
If I want to take a little more time, I can.
But now that I've done it, there are days where I look at Tim and I'm like, are you lifting?
And he's like, yeah.
And I'm like, I really don't want to.
But I'll do it.
That's why I do it in the morning before the show.
Because I know myself well enough to know that after doing the show, I'm so tired that I won't be able to.
And also, at that point, it's too big of a variable where I could be...
30% weaker this day just because our show went late and it was exhausting and there was something wrong, so I gotta get it done in the morning.
And mine's largely focused around conserving energy.
It's like, what can I do without spending myself?
And I want a period of about a year and a half where, at least a year, where I was training twice a week about...
On average, 22 minutes and no more.
And I said, what can I do to reduce this to the minimum effective dose?
And I was actually able to maintain mostly and still get stronger.
Not much, but I wasn't losing.
So there are ways, now that's not, there's a difference between optimal and minimal effective dose.
People need to start out practical first.
Especially in these situations where you're like, ah man, the motivation.
When that's what you're looking at, it's okay.
Bare bones it.
Just do only what you can commit to doing and just do it.
Don't think about it.
Don't try to come up with just do it and make sure that you do it for what is it they say you have to do something for 28 days or 21 days to make it a habit whatever the heck it is it could be different for you just do it and when you start seeing those results like you're getting somewhat stronger that's that motivation kind of kicks in there for me when I start to see some result now I'm getting to the point where Tim's just heckling me,
and that's basically what's making me add weight.
Good for you.
We have to maintain the standards of abusive working iron.
No, he went up in squat.
He used to stop at 315, and now he hit 365 yesterday.
Yeah, Gerald's stronger than his confidence level.
He's just, you know...
Which is fine.
Also, as a tall guy, too, you know, it's going to be tougher.
I mean, compared to you, no offense, but compared to you, it's like a hydraulic press.
He's going all the way up and down, and you're just like...
Yeah. It's not the same thing.
It's much of a travel, yeah.
Yeah, but...
And, you know, I will say this, though, too, is like, you know, I hate the barrier to entry thing.
And look, I'm no world beater at all.
I stay within striking distance of being in shape.
Sometimes I'm fatter, sometimes I'm stronger, sometimes it depends.
But yet, people like Arnold were like, I train two times a day, two hours each session.
BS, he didn't.
And he was loaded with steroids.
As a matter of fact, the only reason for Arnold, not the only, but the primary reason for Arnold's success is that he was willing to experiment with new designer steroids that people were scared to take because they didn't know the long-term health effects at that point in time.
And then, same thing, I won't mention this name because it's someone who is in the conservative space and has been on the show.
But I remember at the...
It was at a firearm conference, and he was telling people, he goes, look, I practice, you know, being in the military, I practice with my firearm six days a week, two hours, and if you're not doing that minimum, you might as well not have it.
And I said, are you out of your mind?
No one is going to do that.
You want to tell the old lady here, or let's say a middle-aged lady who's working and has kids that she needs two hours a day, six days a week?
You know what?
I would say she's better off, provided the firearm is safely stored.
Stopbox.com slash Crowder.
You can go there.
If she has a revolver and she puts it in there in her nightstand, she's still better off having it if she only goes to the range once a month than not.
I'm sorry.
I don't agree with you.
Just like you have these people now who are fitness influencers and you need to get 12 sets per body part per...
Okay, Dorian Yates, the biggest man you've ever seen in your life.
Now, was he on steroids?
Sure. He trained four days a week, 40 minutes.
That was it.
Could he have done it better?
Maybe. But it was good enough to be the biggest man on earth.
They called him the shadow.
Okay? So my point is, and people get so nerdy about this.
Like, we know what is required.
If you train two times a week or three times a week, you're consistent.
Progressive overload.
It's about proximity to failure.
Progressive overload.
Count your calories.
You will get stronger.
You will feel better.
With MS, I would say, be mindful of your recovery.
Don't... Push it too far because you actually do have a condition where, you know, your recovery may be impeded.
But it sounds to me like, honestly, I don't know you, but I'm proud of you.
Losing weight when having been diagnosed with MS, that is not easy.
A lot of people would just give up and throw themselves a pity party.
So you may not have the motivation, you may not want to do it, but you can do it because you've already done something that most people would instead make excuses for.
So good for you.
And I mean that.
Good for you.
Just keep doing it.
One final thing is, and this is, Trust me, this is not self-serving.
The Jacked Up Fitness thing, if you can remove the time barrier, I've got to get up.
I've got to go to the gym.
I've got to work out in front of other people.
I may not be doing things correctly.
If you can simplify everything and have something in your home to be able to work out on, Jacked Up Fitness, those things are fantastic.
They can do everything that you're going to need to do.
For me, because we have a gym here, it makes it so simple.
I literally just have my stuff.
Two minutes later, I'm beginning my workout.
That makes it really, really easy to commit to.
And I will say this, too.
Their least expensive option, like the power rack, so if you don't have a lot of money, that still is a great deal with a lifetime warranty, 10, 12-gauge steel, and it still comes with a pulley that's plate-loaded.
Yeah, that's right.
Which is great.
We used it.
So you can still use it for...
You can still do most things that you could do in a gym with that.
It's just not stack-loaded.
If you do have the money, and convenience is most important...
That evolution fits into a corner.
Everything opens toward the front, so it's specifically made for small spaces.
You really do have everything you need where you would never need anything else, and their customer service is second to none.
And I knew about them before they became a sponsor.
So is it JackedUp?
They're not a sponsor.
JackedUpFitness.com slash...
It's usually slash Crowder.
Usually slash Crowder.
Use the promo code Crowder.
Just whatever.
Send them an email if you go.
But their baseline power rack is great.
And then the Evolution for Home.
And, hey, if you want the Cadillac, you get the Pro, and that has everything.
But, you know, most people don't need that in their home if you're just getting started.
All right.
Next one.
Namaste, Guru, Crowder, and Co, meaning company.
Thank you very much.
Now I'm Co?
Whenever I see Coe, it makes me think of Duluth Trader and Coe.
And I know that Coe is short for company, but for some reason I always get a snapshot of something in my mind that just makes me think, is it company or corporate?
No. I think it's company.
This means company.
Could it be corporation as well?
Could it be corporation?
I don't know.
A different abbreviation?
Apparently they have decent underwear.
C-O-R-P.
Duluth Trading, my brother.
Corp. Shut up with your four letters instead of two.
We're going to replace you with a sexy chatbot.
Understandable. No, no, no, no, no.
We just go to the chatbot and it's like mid-sentence.
We're like, ooh, can't do that.
No, no.
Noodles is irreplaceable.
Have you felt his hands like velvet?
So, this says the TL semicolon DR of this is.
What does that mean?
I've seen that a lot.
Timeline, what does DR mean?
It's too long, didn't read.
Oh, didn't read.
It means I don't have time for this.
I thought it was like timeline didn't read, like timeline was too long.
All right, okay, well, you can admonish me.
Admonish me.
Admonish me like the dirty chatbot you are.
Admonish. Oh, come on!
Aura, you're too cruel to me.
Okay. You didn't know either.
The too-long-didn-read-of-this-is, and they proceed to write two pages.
And this is the whittled-down version.
It was seven.
I had a baby with a congenital heart defect.
I'm very sorry.
My in-laws and multiple medical professionals tried to get me to abort her.
Screw them.
I said no, and although I know it was the right thing to do, I'm having a hard time forgiving them, but also myself, because I feel like the heart defect is all my fault.
After miscarriage at eight weeks in 2022, I got pregnant again at 34 in the fall of 2023.
Early on, we found out there was a problem via ultrasound.
We were given potential diagnosis of hydrops, fatalis, Turner syndrome, and cystic hygroma?
Hygroma? Hygroma?
I'm not familiar with this.
But the ultimately correct diagnosis was tricuspid atresia.
This is a type of heart defect where she functionally has only one ventricle, basically half a heart.
The surgeries are not curative and are only palliative, but there is a decent chance she will live a normal lifespan.
That's great.
I have asthma.
I was prescribed Symbicort by my pulmonologist, and she straight up told me that it would be safe to use occasionally during pregnancy.
I even looked up if there were concerns when using Symbicort during pregnancy, and there were none.
I used it once when an early blizzard ticked off my asthma and I couldn't get it to calm down any other way.
This is my greatest regret.
Simbacord is two drugs.
If you look up the two individual drugs contained in the inhaler, Formotorol is specifically associated with congenital heart defects at less than the maximum effective dose.
Okay, before I continue, look.
I am not familiar with all these drugs and I'm not familiar with all of these conditions and I'm not familiar with your doctors.
Okay? This is not your fault.
Yeah. All right?
To be clear, you were told by the people who you trust, who should have this information, that it was safe.
You double-checked to verify that it was safe.
You used it once.
By the way, it doesn't matter if you used it once.
You would have been well within your rights to use it often if you were told that it was safe and found out later that perhaps, I don't know, you were lied to by the pharmaceutical companies who, oh, on a technicality, this combined drug hasn't been studied, right, in pregnancy, but the individual ones may be a problem.
I'm very sorry this has happened, but you really can't blame yourself for this.
I'm actually not advocating this, but there actually could be liability lawsuits if you were actually advised this from a doctor.
That's why those exist.
I'm not saying that you should, and I get it.
There's all kinds of frivolous lawsuits out there, but I wouldn't.
In my opinion, it's not your fault.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
And I know that's easy for me to say because I don't have to live with the condition that your child has, but it seems like they could live a long, full life.
And the good news is, with medical advancements, I mean, it's only going to get more effective in treating this kind of condition, I would imagine.
Okay. During my pregnancy...
I was shuffled between a regular OBGYN, a maternal fetal medicine specialist, a genetics counselor, and a pediatric cardiologist.
At different points, everyone but the pediatric cardiologist offered recommended I get an abortion for which they would have to refer me out since they all worked at different Catholic hospitals.
I live in a state where no questions asked.
Abortion, time out at 24 weeks.
After that point, you need a medical reason to do so.
After saying no multiple times, the maternal fetal medicine doctor pushed for me to get an amniocentesis because of the heart and the fact that she was a little behind in growth.
Amniose post their own risks, including but not limited to hemorrhage, preterm labor, infection, miscarriage, maternal death, and fetal abnormality.
My daughter had enough problems, so once again, I said no.
My in-laws then drove in from another state four hours away to try to persuade me to change my mind about getting an abortion or at the very least getting an amniocentesis.
At this point, I was 22 weeks pregnant.
I stood firm about not aborting her, but I did make an appointment for the test.
I ended up canceling it a few hours later, and I'm incredibly grateful I did.
After being put through the ringer of a million more doctor's appointments and tests, I gave birth to an otherwise healthy baby girl.
She did four days in the NICU for observation, never even needed oxygen, and she had her first open-heart surgery in October.
She's eight months old now, and if you didn't know about her heart condition, you would never know anything.
Well, screw those people with a wire brush.
How about that?
Okay? There's a lot of blame to go around.
You're not one of them in this case.
When they say your body, your choice, and the doctor's going, you want an abortion?
You sure you want an abortion?
You sure you don't want an abortion?
I mean, you'd be well, in my opinion, I don't know if legally, well within your right to bitch slap said doctors at any point during this personal journey.
I would...
Fully support it.
And I hit a nurse.
I feel awkward.
True. And short-tempered anytime my husband's parents are around us, I understand, asking me to take their picture with their beautiful granddaughter and wanting me to pump so they can feed her.
I just can't get everything out of my head.
These people wanted me to kill her on top of that.
I feel like my baby's life sentence is all my fault because I didn't quite do enough due diligence.
Stop blaming yourself.
It's not your fault.
You have a baby that is largely healthy.
And you know what?
If you beat yourself up over it, you're not going to be folk.
Focusing on taking care of that baby.
It's wasted energy.
I've quoted this from my favorite film, The Edge.
You know why most people die in the woods?
They die of shame.
They spend all their time thinking about what they could have, should have done, and so they die rather than do the one thing that would have saved their life.
Thinking. In this case, thinking about your beautiful child.
So I guess the option is, what would you do if you were me?
How do I move forward?
Okay, that was very long.
That was not short.
Next time, I need highlights because...
I don't want to shortchange it, but we also have only so much time.
There are a few different ways you could move forward.
Again, first off, this is not your fault.
I would advise that you move on and take care of your child and do the best job you can.
It sounds like you will.
Second sort of item in order, I guess a tube sock.
You take a tube sock, fill it with quarters, and hit your in-laws in the face.
With a rolled up tube socket roll of quarters.
You ever see Death Wish with Charles Bronson?
Don't do that.
You wanted me to abort my baby.
Clank! That's what I recommend.
No, I understand it.
Look, they're probably stupid.
They're probably like, and what I mean by that is ignorant liberals who don't think it's a life and they thought they were doing the humane thing.
And so...
In their mind, it's two different things.
It's, oh, it was a fetus, it wasn't a human being, and now it's a human being.
And they love the human being, they didn't care about the fetus.
That's how they justify their evil actions, the left.
Never mind the fact that it's the same DNA.
Never mind the fact that it's the same child that was just a smaller version of it, just like your child who's five now was four and was three and was two.
And if you want to talk about the physical location, okay, it was in the womb, all right, fine, but it was in the womb up until two hours before it came out.
So none of their arguments hold water, but in their head...
They detach themselves from the reality that it is the same child, toddler, infant, baby that just happened to be in that birth canal a couple hours later.
So they don't see it that way.
And you have to ask yourself if there's forgiveness in your heart outside of that.
How are they?
Are they decent people?
Do you think that they'll do anything to harm your child?
Because it's important for a child to have a strong family.
Especially if they love their grandparents.
And so I wouldn't put yourself in the middle of it if they love their grandparents because then you're going to be the villain.
A lot of people are ignorant.
As it relates to abortion, there are a lot of people who learn later on.
And there are just as many people who just go, I can't hear you.
And that's usually what they do because the more we discover, the more we learn about science and honestly the way medical...
Advancements have been trending.
You're going to see babies born earlier and earlier.
So they just have to shut themselves off and say something, something, my body, my right, my choice.
So if that's the only sin that they've committed, it could be out of ignorance and I wouldn't hold it against them for the rest of your life.
Right. Because those children or this child, maybe you have other children.
If they love their grandparents, you don't want to be the one stopping them from having a relationship with their grandparents, provided they're not doing something actively corrosive to that child.
Right. I agree.
I mean, I would say that you can combine ignorance with being scared, right?
They were probably pretty scared to hear that kind of news.
Probably saddened to hear that kind of news as well.
Sure they were.
Combine that with some ignorance on abortion, and all of a sudden they're like, they don't want that for you, they don't want that for this child.
Yeah, but the alternative's kind of worse.
They didn't really connect those dots, right?
The alternatives would just give up and kill the child.
So I think 100% you have to try to find forgiveness in your heart because when we told you a minute ago to focus on the child and not some of the mistakes you've made, you also need to have the opportunity for them to be able to focus.
And by the way, these are perceived mistakes you've made.
I agree with Stephen.
I don't think you made a mistake.
You trusted the experts that told you what you could and couldn't do.
But they've also made a mistake.
And now they have a beautiful grandchild.
And they want to enjoy that, it seems like, from what you've said.
I would do everything in my power to forgive them.
Put all of the blame from all the other doctors and other people who told you to do stuff on them as well.
Don't put all of them in that same category.
Because if they're wonderful people otherwise and they're great grandparents, that is a very special relationship.
You want to foster that.
You want to have that be nurtured.
You don't want to be, just for your own personal benefit, you don't want to hold this animosity or any kind of grudge against them for a mistake that they made.
And I don't even know.
I would seek some conversation about it and say, hey, do you feel differently now that this has happened?
Would you do anything differently back then if you feel like you really need to?
But even if they don't, it just hurts you to be angry with them and to constantly mull it over in your head.
So I just don't think it's a very beneficial thing, especially if it's an isolated incident and there's not a bunch of other issues that you've had as well.
In today's age, I think all of us in the room, if something like this is going on, we're doing everything we can and we're fighting for that baby.
My wife and I have had conversations, if it comes down to me, it's the baby.
Those kinds of things where we're willing to make those kinds of sacrifices.
But that's not the population at large, typically.
There's different levels to this.
For you to make that stand against doctors, which can be very intimidating, and also make you feel like you're taking crazy pills, like, I'm just going to do what I want to do.
Good for you.
That's a lot more than just about everybody else in the kind of the general population would have done because there were a lot of easier routes to take.
Yep. And you chose life and sometimes that's a hard route.
And I know I just pronounced root and route.
That's okay.
That's fine.
In two different sentences.
No, I would say it's always worth fighting for the baby unless it's Rosemary's.
Not, yeah, it's true.
It was a very messed up film by the way.
Very messed up.
Like, the way it was sold to me was like, ah, it's kind of scary.
Like, ah, there's weird neighbors.
And then I get to know, I'm like, wait, is this?
What's happening?
There's like a Sesame Street Muppet and it's a rape?
What? This is the film everyone talks about?
Ah, I can't believe this is part of our cultural lexicon.
But it is.
Anyway. Nonetheless.
Also, just to give you an idea, when I had knee surgery, I had, so I had a great doctor and then they sent me home without pain pills in the middle of a snowstorm, by the way.
That's because I paid them too.
I'm so sorry.
I got home.
They go, so take this every, whatever, four hours, six hours.
I was like, take what?
They go, uh, the pain.
I go, I don't have any.
They go, oh.
Well, we can't write it to a pharmacy.
You have to come back, and it's 45 minutes away.
Anyway, but they told me, they said, don't move for two weeks.
Don't move your, like, keep your leg rested.
And then when I spoke to the doctor two weeks later, he was like, so how has it been doing?
I go, what do you mean?
He goes, well, how's the mobility?
I said, well, I was told not to move.
He's like, what?
I would have had you on the Airdyne bike like...
The next day.
I said, well, you could have told me.
He's like, who told you that?
And I think they got fired.
So you trust them.
They were very adamant.
Do not, no knee flexion, they said.
And so you get doctors.
Sometimes they just disagree with each other.
Sometimes they have a different approach.
And sometimes they just suck.
Seems to me like you did your due diligence.
And yeah, it's important to do that.
But anyone can get caught flat-footed.
I mean, look, for proof, see the entire nation with ivermectin.
And the mRNA injection, right?
You had a bunch of people going, oh, horse-paced, because they couldn't be bothered to do their own research.
You had doctors out there saying it, and people saying, oh, the mRNA is a vaccine, which it's not, right?
The entire nation got tricked because they trusted authority.
You didn't.
You questioned it in a way that seems pretty reasonable, and you still got caught.
It does happen.
It happens to me every day.
That's why I have an admonish button.
All right, final one.
Okay, final one here.
I believe it's a final one.
No, no, I read it.
Oh, that's right.
You read this.
I'm sorry.
Hold on a second.
No, I thought I said Guru Morgan, but go ahead.
I love and hate you at the exact same time.
Mutual, I'm sure.
I want to start off saying how much I love watching the show, mostly Gerald, and appreciate everything y'all do.
I'm sorry, I added that last part.
It's okay, we knew.
I am 25 and I've been married to my husband for almost five years, together for 10. He is six years older than me.
We met at church as children.
Growing up in the church, we started out on the same page.
We both wanted to get married, have children.
and raise them in the church as well.
Okay, sounds good.
However, my husband was told at 19 that he had a heart defect and needed to have surgery.
Ooh. That's no good.
For the last year or so, I have been hinting and straight up asking him to think about starting a family, but he told me that he cannot think about having kids right now because he will probably have to have open heart surgery in 10 years and may not make it through.
He says that he cannot wrap his head around potentially leaving a child fatherless that early in life and he feels that it would be selfish to start.
In 10 years, he will be 40. But that is obviously still too young in my mind to leave this world.
He is upset that he will likely make me a widow soon in life, but I don't know how to get him to understand that God has it and everything will be okay regardless.
I want children.
I've always wanted to be a mother, and he knows this.
I feel like we are moving in two different directions, but I also feel as though I cannot blame him.
What do I do?
I will be grateful for any advice from you or the team.
Have for me.
I have been struggling with this for a while now and feel unmoored.
Thank you so much.
If I can take this one just right off the bat, first off, I appreciate, and this is well written, I appreciate the letter.
Look, this is one of those scenarios where the left, they think they have a corner on empathy, and so they use it as an answer for everything.
It's not.
Sometimes it clouds judgment.
In this case, though, this is someone you love who I bet you is genuinely scared.
Because if this is his reasoning, it's not, oh, how could you bring children into the world when, you know, global warming?
This is a guy, I don't know the details, but if he's facing his very mortality, seems like this is a reason that he's, however warped you may think it is, it's a selfless reasoning.
Where he's going, I don't want to bring a child into the world when I don't know if I'm even, like, I don't want to create a fatherless household for a child.
Now, it doesn't mean that it still can't be hashed out, but I would say, please do approach this with some empathy and understanding because it sounds like a guy who's scared and a guy who's trying to do the right thing.
And by the way, maybe there isn't necessarily a definitive right or wrong answer.
Like, I could see the argument being made here as far as...
If I have a 50-50 shot of living, it would be irresponsible for me to bring a child in who I know won't have a father.
And I can also see the reasoning behind, hey, you know, I have to have faith and step out in faith, and this is important to you, so it's better to leave you with a piece of me and let's pray for the best.
I don't think that either are finding themselves in a pit of moral abyss.
I honestly can understand both sides.
But what I do know is this is a guy who's probably pretty scared, probably pretty rattled.
If he's telling you the truth and he's been living with something a little worse than he's let on, that's not atypical of men.
As much as women go, oh, men have a cold and women are tough.
It's like a guy just wants to be taken care of because he wants you to show that you love him, okay?
We've built nations and gone out to war.
You don't think anyone had colds in World War I trenches?
But he's probably living with a lot of fear and chewing on it.
It seems like you love him, that he knows you love him.
Maybe explain to him, this is really important to you, again, assuming you're not being selfish, that, hey, you'll cross that bridge when you get there and you still would rather have a piece of him and a child together because he's the love of your life than not.
that even in the face of the worst possible scenario, you'd still rather have that and that you will take care of that because a man feels like it's his responsibility, again, to protect and provide.
And he doesn't know if he's physically going to be there
Yeah, and I think that's right.
I mean, it does seem like you need to approach this very delicately because this is a tough situation.
I mean, he can...
I think his logic is understandable, but I also would encourage him, like, hey, look...
Tomorrow is never guaranteed for any of us.
In your case, it's really not guaranteed.
Stop it with the hike!
You're like an inch shorter than me, maybe.
So tomorrow's really never guaranteed.
And as a husband and a father, you think about leaving people.
If something, God forbid, the worst thing happened, and you've got kids and you hear stories about this, it definitely happens in life where things happen.
You could be Ukrainian and grow up in a place where you lose people instantly to a war or something like that.
You could be in a car accident.
There's a lot of very difficult life situations that can come at you, and I would not let this one be the thing that stops you from...
Having children and building a family because for two reasons.
One, you could be fine.
You could have some difficult surgeries to have to go through, but you could be fine and make it through those.
Two, you could end up dying at 10 years if that's something that you feel like, you know, that's the prognosis that the doctor said you may not make it through the surgery and there's a high likelihood of that.
But you'll have 10 years of being able to sow into somebody who is going to bring you an immense amount of joy and happiness during those 10 years.
Or you can live for 10 years just waiting and counting the days.
And not living life, essentially.
So it's almost like it could potentially be a giving up on life moment for him in some ways.
Now, it may not manifest in every single way.
I mean, still get up, go to work, do things, go to ballgames, whatever you do for fun.
But I think life is going to be a lot better taking the risk.
And I think if you approach it the way Steven said, where you have a lot of empathy and understanding and you're not telling him like, you have to do this for me, but it's like, hey, I think we should just continue to live life as though we're going to be around because that's really what you kind of have to do every single day anyway.
Yeah. You really don't know.
Now you have something that's a little bit more.
I agree with everything you're saying.
I would just say...
Beyond, you know, how you will enjoy your life.
You know, I think that this man maybe, maybe looking at this selflessly, thinking, okay, but what about the child?
You know, let's say we have a kid in two years, you know, at six years old, loses his dad.
And I understand that, too.
I will say this.
What you can do, I think, would go a long way, is he also probably is concerned about being very tired.
He's also probably very concerned about not just death, but complications, right?
Where what if he's an invalid?
What if he doesn't have the energy because, you know, he's not pumping blood the way that he should?
You can quell some of that by letting them know.
I will tell you how long of a way it goes for a woman to tell a man, because most men never experience this, and when you do, it's shocking.
You tell them, like, hey, just so you know, I'm going to be okay, and I've got this.
I'm going to take care of this, and whatever happens to you, I can take care of this.
I'm a big girl, and I'm here.
It's what I sign on for, taking care of you and taking care of this child.
And I'm going to make sure that if something happens, and I don't think it will, and we'll pray about it, that this boy or girl is going to know who they're, I will make sure of that.
So don't worry about that.
Don't worry about it.
We'll be there if you have to go through it in the hospital.
You know, men often feel like they always have to be that protector and provider.
And the truth is, no one is that at all moments in time.
This goes back to what we talked about, this idea of duty.
This man may be mixed up inside, but I see this stemming from a man who feels an obligation, a sense of duty that, well, it would be irresponsible for me to bring a child in the world and leave him fatherless because he doesn't want to set a Child up for failure.
And I know that you love this man, and I also think there's a strong argument to be made, like Gerald said, but you might be setting this up right now in a dynamic of him on the side of duty, and you on the side of emotion, what you feel and what you've always wanted.
Where if you approach it that way, he may be like, yeah, but you're being selfish.
Because what about that kid not having a debt?
So don't do that.
Make sure you come at it from a place of understanding and empathy, and hey, look, if you...
Make him feel confident.
And that means between now and then.
In other words, how confident is this guy going to be that his child is going to have a stable environment?
I don't know.
If that doesn't exist at home right now.
I'm not saying that's the case, but it's the case in a lot of scenarios where they don't want to add to that complicated situation.
Right? It's like Jordan Peterson says, make your bed.
Right? As a woman, if you're in the...
make dinner.
Does he feel like when he comes home that you're on top of things where you can also add another responsibility?
What if he's...
They're filleted open in a hospital bed.
If you do that, you approach it from understanding, love, and that he knows you've got this and that child will know who their father is.
You know what?
Hey, we've seen crazier things.
He might even make a more effective recovery.
We're going to send you off here to Tim Pool.
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