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April 27, 2023 - Louder with Crowder
01:11:30
PLOT THICKENS: TUCKER CARLSON FINALLY SPEAKS OUT! | Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
Oh boy, I almost didn't make it here to air.
Joe Louis is in rare form this morning, and he just hit me in the nards with his tail.
So, I love him, but he'll be placed in a closet for weeks and beaten without mercy.
Hey, look, major announcement here.
Well, major announcement coming Monday.
And we'll be talking about Tucker Carlson today, and I hear a lot of similarities.
So in navigating all of these minefields, look, I hear your complaints, and I've heard this a lot from people.
I had someone who was actually just a kid who would do valet at this restaurant relatively close to my house who came up and said, you know, he signed up for Mug Club a while ago last year.
You know, money is tight.
I understand it.
Look, I hear where you're coming from.
We tried to give you guys, anyone who had signed up for Mug Club, write mugclubforever.com, a promo code initially through email.
Some of you missed it.
Alex Jones called me yesterday saying, Crowder, I had some guy come up to me at Bucky's telling me he wants to sign up again, but he already signed up and didn't get a mug.
So look, starting on Monday, with as broad a stroke as I can possibly make here, wanting to do right by you, understanding that the economy is tough.
It's growing, but slowly, they say on CNN.
And through no fault of your own, sometimes it's tough to subscribe to multiple different platforms, especially when you already have.
Starting Monday, we are going to set up an email address where you can provide proof.
Through a screenshot of a subscription, purchase, membership to any right-leaning streaming service, any major conservative right-leaning streaming service, and we'll give you three months free of Mug Club.
So send in proof of purchase, your subscription from any time in the last, I think it's last year, last six months that you've signed up, particularly if it was Mug Club.
Three months free.
We're going to have someone manually actually going through and ensuring that you get to try this for free.
And by the way, for three months, you get to try it.
And if you don't like it, you can bounce.
Hopefully you see what it is that you're missing.
We want to give you the best value for your money.
And look, sometimes in this world, there's things out of your control.
And I get it.
The economy's tough.
Three months free.
If you are a member anywhere else, Monday, look for the email.
On with the show.
It's not healthy.
The hell would you know about health, Ms.
Forklift with teeth?
Just a stupid show, Colton.
They don't care about you.
Jimmy, what was that?
I don't even know you!
That's a lie straight from the pit of hell, and you know it!
Take a look right there!
Boom!
Don't want to hear any more of your bullshit lies!
You know he's not a real sound guy.
It's just a character he plays.
I've had it with your lies, Josephine!
In back of me, Satan!
Satan?
Woman, I'm quoting scripture from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
Maybe if you put down your soap bags every once in a while for a hot minute, you'd know better!
Join Mug Club today for $89 annually to support content like this and get access to the entire
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Ladderwithcrowder.com slash Mug Club.
Thank you for watching.
Glad to be with you.
Hey, before, well, I'm going to ask Third Chair if he wants to, you know, we need to take a poll.
Do people want the sip to continue?
Is it like one of those, almost like the HBO white noise?
That doesn't sound like white noise.
Or is it just annoying?
Which is how I feel.
By the way, this is a grip trainer.
I don't know why I have that on my desk.
Hey, a lot to get to today.
We talked about Tucker Carlson.
Was it Tuesday, Gerald?
I think we did it live on, was it, I thought it was Monday.
Monday.
Monday, that's right, where we scooped CNN.
Monday.
And then talked about the curious coincidences of, you know, you have Tucker Carlson, you have James O'Keefe, you have, obviously Dan Bongino was a little bit of a different situation, but this has been going on across the board and we said that these seemed like curious coincidences.
And it would appear that there's a culture of shaking people down right now, specifically to cull voices before the election.
And there's new evidence that's emerged today with Tucker Carlson that really seems like that's the case.
We've seen his first statement, but we've also seen some statements from attorneys and people who seem to be the shaker downers.
So we'll talk about that.
We're going to be talking about it.
Everyone's really excited because I know a lot of you said, hey, you know, I really like Westerns, good old American Westerns, but they need more sodomy.
So you have that now.
Xi Jinping called Zelensky.
This is a big deal.
I know a lot of you saying, why do I care?
Well, it affects you.
And more importantly, I really wanted to get into the ESG.
You know, you guys have heard of the ESG scores and bankings, but there have been some recent interviews where this is going to be taking place at hyperspeed with BlackRock Vanguard.
And it will affect you directly in your day-to-day lives.
Not only what you can do with your banks, what kind of loans you can get if you run a business, how you have to run this business.
This is one of those weeks where everything seems to be kind of fallen from the same tree that's been shaken and it all affects you.
So let me ask you a question of the day before we move on.
Who do you think is really behind the firing or departure or mutual amicable split?
With Tucker Carlson.
We'll kind of give you some of our perspective.
I saw you writing notes already, Jill.
Did I mess something up?
No, I mean, I have an answer for you very quickly.
Chet would like the sip.
Hold on.
My heart's not in it.
There you go.
No, no, no.
It's so tiny.
It's so tiny.
That is all you get.
You earn it.
Earn this.
Earn this.
Alright, number two, CEO and one of my all-time favorite people, nicest man alive, unfortunately.
Joe Morgan, how are you?
I am doing well.
Why is that unfortunate?
It's unfortunate because sometimes I need you to be, you know, you need to be my bulldog.
Yeah, sometimes.
I don't want to get tuckered!
Well, you know, putting me back in the chair last Thursday, I was.
That's true.
I was a little pissy.
You were pissy.
You do get, but you get more bitchy.
Every once in a while, people push me just a little too far.
I'm doing really well.
Yes, that's true, and then it's falling down.
Can of Coke, 39 cent!
So, I'm doing well.
Yeah, you know, it's the end of the week, so tired, but I'm really glad to have in third chair, we said mystery third chair, but it's not really a mystery if you follow his social media.
He is going to be That's his theme song.
Comedy Zone, Port Charlotte, Florida, May 5th and 6th.
You can go and check out all of his other dates.
Oh, Stress Factory.
That's a fun one in New Brunswick, New Jersey, May 11th and 13th.
BrianCallin.com.
Mr. Callin, how are you?
I'm good.
I'm good and I appreciate that music.
That's the music that I ride a horse to, as you know.
Yes.
And side saddle.
Side saddle.
He's never ridden a horse.
Equestrian or Western style, neither.
That's ridiculous.
Ask me if I ride horses.
Visage.
I don't like where this is going.
It's okay, just ask me the question.
That's how I answer it.
Because I know people are going to ask me on the street.
Let me answer it for you so I don't have to deal with this question.
The street is fulsome.
Go ahead.
Do you ride horses?
I can break a horse, Stephen.
I believe it now.
I could have sworn you were going to say horses ride me.
I don't know.
Well, the night is still young.
Stop it, Big and Rich.
Why is Stephen wearing a horse tail?
No, no, I had it docked.
That's why PETA was out there protesting.
I kept crapping in the shed and it got caught.
Haven't you seen my Japanese?
I've seen it, I lived it.
And you guys can count.
We're going to get into all of the story.
It's a Monday through Friday show, 10 a.m.
Eastern, okay?
10 a.m.
Eastern.
Just watch on Rumble.
You have the audio podcast tomorrow exclusively on audio.
If you are not a member, The Lost Tapes.
It's another 45 minutes of old sketches.
And of course we have the Friday show here on Mug Club exclusively.
But, uh, I was just about to say something and I completely forgot what I was about to say.
You said, have you seen the Japanese something?
Oh, toilet.
So you know this.
When they built out the office, they built out this office, right?
And I now actually have an office and I actually have a bathroom.
It's because I live here from like 4am, right?
So we need to shower here sometimes, especially after.
And, uh, very nice man, Joe, who does, but sometimes he gets, he gets overzealous with the technology.
Yeah, well.
I have a safe here for a gun that I cannot open.
The batteries are dead.
So he builds, he puts in, I'm just like, yeah, just a toilet.
And he's like, what kind of toilet do you want?
I'm like, just, you know, one that I can defile.
Yes.
And, uh, he got this like thing with, it's like, it has like the, the, the heated seat.
It does!
The automatic slushie.
And Nick DiPaolo, I come off the show, he goes, he goes, yeah, I tried to take a dump in your office.
It turns out I need a pilot's license to operate that.
First off, you shouldn't be using my office.
There are plenty of bathrooms.
I know.
I'm going to come into your office and just drop a deuce.
But you know what?
When I look at you, I think to myself... I'm the Chuck Yeager of taking a shit, I guess.
But at least my whistle's clean.
Huh?
Hi, everybody.
You can eat off my whistle.
You can eat off my whistle.
Not after you ride a horse.
So here's a clip before we get to the Tucker issue.
We're going to go through the Tucker situation just kind of point by point.
It'll be a little bit raw today because we couldn't segment it into 90 clips.
But before that, Uh, because we always want to clear the palate, and this really clears the palate.
It's like Sorbet.
If Sorbet was a really unattractive, self-important fat chick, uh, she wants to take up space!
No lie, this summer.
My body is everything to me.
She has constantly looked the world straight in the eye and said, I disagree.
You're wrong.
And I'm going to show up every day and show you why.
I deserve the best.
This summer, I want you to embrace your body.
And I want you to constantly tell the world, you're wrong.
And I'm going to show up and take up the space my body deserves.
A lot of space.
She's got a pretty face.
Remember the man, remember they complained about man-spreading?
Yes.
What do you do with that?
What do you do with that?
What do you do with that orbit on us?
And by the way, here's the thing, no one would have a problem, no one would have a problem if you weren't demanding that everyone declare you beautiful.
My body disagrees.
With what?
Your BMI?
Your LDL?
Your body probably, it's probably constantly at war with itself.
Your heart one day is going to go And check out diabetes and here's something else to you the big issue is I deserve the best I'm not just talking about this woman This is by the way, you get a lot of guys this way a lot of you Why do you deserve the best?
This is a question of the day.
This is actually an existential issue.
You just say that Why do you deserve the best?
Why does everyone think they deserve the best?
Do you know that some of us deserve hell?
You know, it's funny You guys talking about horses again?
But my thing is that every time you see a woman like that, she conforms to a certain beauty standard.
God made a mold for all of us, okay everyone?
Her mold he used more batter for that mold and that's all there is to it
But bunt cake but but that like her face is very pretty and it conforms to a sort of the standard
Classic beauty cut but full mouth and all right, they always kind of fit into this thing
But the other part is like done. They're like it's okay for slightly chubby. So long as you have perfect skin
Yes, exactly like you're a little Meanwhile, there's a fitness athlete some cross-fitting
female with folliculitis She's like, what do I do?
You didn't use Dove?
No, I didn't use Dove.
It's just detergent.
Or that Japanese toilet.
Yes, exactly.
I need a pilot's license.
Gerald, anything?
No?
The hair is what bothered me the most.
What?
Let me see it again.
Is it the Lloyd Christmas cut?
Let me see it.
Let's play this again.
Let me see.
Tomboy.
Oh, yeah.
That's not a pretty face, Brian.
I think her face is pretty.
My body was meant to be shemp.
If that broad came as a guy, I'd believe it.
You know what I mean?
To be fair, I looked at her face, then I saw mine on the monitor here, and that's just... I'll take her face all day long.
I mean, I'll keep my ridiculously shredded body.
Look, we've never once in this show, just people, never once, ever, ever made fun of someone just for being fat, who doesn't go out there and demand or declare or act as an ambassador of health.
The problem is, I just heard someone on CNN today, maybe we can even pull this clip, it probably was, what are we, 924, so it probably was taking place, I'm trying to think, Central, probably about 740 Central, if we can pull it.
I think it was Rainn Wilson talking about we have a mental health crisis in this country, and we have a climate change crisis, we have a fascism crisis.
People talk about a mental health crisis, people talk about a physical health crisis, but then they advocate for the exact same issues that create these crises.
You cannot start, you cannot start from a position of empathy based on a lie.
To say that that is healthy, and to say that everyone else should accept it, and we should If you advocate that to your children, you're a bad parent and you're lying to them.
That's why it matters.
Also, I think it's kind of gross, but that's just me.
Let's move on to Tucker Carlson.
They should not make thongs in that size, okay?
Can we just say that?
Should not make thongs in that size.
Well, I don't think they do.
I think everything becomes a thong in that size.
There are men that like that.
There are?
There is a fetish.
It's called black guys, Brian.
Steven!
I watched Fury Springer.
People are like, oh, what?
Lithuanian?
Yeah, no, come on.
Eastern European?
Polish.
We knew someone who, remember, she was a little bit bigger, and she would always get hit on by black guys.
Yeah.
She was like, why do... And she would always go, she goes, why do... Like, I just... By the way, she would date black guys.
She's like, but why do I only have black guys hit on me?
And we were like, I don't know.
That's weird.
I don't have no idea.
It's cultural.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's a mystery.
It's a disgusting habit.
So speaking of mystery, and hit the like button if you're watching on YouTube, but head on over to Rumble.
As a matter of fact, if you are watching on YouTube and at any point today, which I guarantee you will, see or hear this.
We'll just head on over to Rumble because we're not going to self-censor for YouTube and we'll probably be suspended anyway.
So yesterday, Tucker Carlson released his first statement.
Now there's some insight here that I think, unfortunately, it's hard to disseminate sometimes from our standpoint and it's hard for you to sort of differentiate when you're reading stories out there and get the truth.
Was he fired?
Did he quit?
What's happening behind the scenes?
In watching his statement and full disclosure.
I've spent some time with Tucker not a lot of time with Tucker They've always been pretty pleasant interactions cordial, right?
We're not it's not like we were ever friends or anything But we were both at Fox News at the same time before he had a show we were contributors so I want you to know that in case you think that I'm biased probably because I Think he's generally a nice guy from what I've encountered and what I've heard.
Okay, so just to be clear I think we've gotten that out of the way.
It's covered.
There you go disclaimer in watching his statement I really understand what it is that he's trying to say.
He's limited from things that he can say.
He has a lawsuit.
So when that happens, your lawyers say, you cannot say anything.
So Tucker is right now in a position, we don't know everything.
What we do know is he would not be able to clear his name if that were the case.
If everything that you read out there is a lie, there's nothing he can say about it until it goes to the proper legal channels.
And, depending on how he left Fox News, whether they fired him or he left, he can't actually clarify that to you either because of the terms of employment.
Now, this is standard practice across the board.
Sometimes it's worse than others.
So, in watching Tucker Carlson's statement, let's just watch it, pause and play it, and kind of read between the lines.
I think there's a lot here.
Good evening, it's Tucker Carlson.
One of the first things you realize when you step outside the noise for a few days is how many genuinely nice people there are in this country.
Kind and decent people.
People who really care about what's true.
And a bunch of hilarious people, also.
A lot of those.
It's gotta be the majority of the population.
So pause real quickly.
Here's what he's saying there.
He's had to work amongst elites for a very long time in this industry.
What he's trying to say is they are disconnected from you.
This is why you've heard us say here, you watching, listening, you are what matters.
A lot of sponsors out there, a lot of networks out there, right?
You are a means to an end.
Dollars.
And there are a lot of hosts.
And by the way, a lot of producers, a lot of people who work at these companies who don't feel that way.
You are what matter.
What he is saying there is that he cares and is grateful for you.
And then kind of a passive way saying, not these.
So that's heartening.
The other thing you notice when you take a little time off is how unbelievably stupid most of the debates you see on television are.
They're completely irrelevant.
They mean nothing.
In five years we won't even remember that we had them.
Trust me, as someone who's participated.
Pause.
What do you think that means?
Hmm.
Do you think that suggests that Tucker liked doing the sort of clickbait debates?
No.
That means that sometimes when you work for a big company, there are orders that come from the top down.
And by the way... Ratings, ratings.
This is the same place, just to be clear, this is the same place, Fox News, when I was there, that said, absolutely not, change my mind, would never work.
Really?
Yeah, and it was before Fox Nation where I said they had Studio B. I said, well, let's just do it online and see what happens.
Like, no, no, no, it's got to be in a quadrant view.
It's got to be snappy.
You each have to have just a minute and get your points in.
I said, okay, well, look, this is what I would like to do.
No way.
It would never be permissible.
Not just at Fox News, but at other news outlets as well.
And by the way, a lot of online outlets as well.
That is him saying, I have done this, and it's silly.
It's useless.
It's almost a professional wrestler breaking kayfabe.
Is that to satisfy your demographic though?
Because there are certain demographic that watches Fox.
So if you grade against what they want to see, They have time constraints with sponsors, right?
They have time constraints, and so they don't want to have a conversation.
They want to have a beginning, middle, and end before every single spot that breaks to commercial, and that doesn't lend itself to long-form conversations.
There's a huge difference between having conversations, like Tucker said, with average everyday Americans, both right and left, and people who are paid to go on, score points, and then raise money for their non-profit.
It's a show!
Yeah, no, and his most effective part of his show is his monologue.
That was it.
After the monologue, I really didn't want to listen to anything else, because I'm like, I want to hear a long form, maybe five, ten minutes long of a comment or something that he's talking about, because the rest of it, I know, is going to be that format.
And by the way, his monologues really were different from a lot of it.
Look, whether you like him or not, he was taking risks with those, and that was where he had fifteen minutes unfettered.
I bet you that's what he really loved to do, because if you look at his response here, He never even alludes to being unsatisfied with that.
He's letting you know the things, this is just, again, my speculation, but having been through this industry and been through similar circumstances, he's letting you know the things that might have been outside of his control that he wasn't a huge fan of, in which he had to take part.
And in not mentioning the things that he was dissatisfied with, you can kind of glean, oh, I think this is what he's about and what he liked.
Let's continue.
At the same time, and this is the amazing thing, the undeniably big topics, the ones that will define our future, get virtually no discussion at all.
War, civil liberties, emerging science, demographic change, corporate power, natural resources.
Pause.
Come on, you know what that science he's talking about, COVID.
Of course, everyone in the media, we know we were suspended, right?
If we were suspended because we're independent at Fox News, there was pressure coming from the government to make sure that he did not discuss new sciences.
Civil liberties, that also would tie back to COVID.
When he talks about issues of our time, January 6th, we all know the kind of flack that he got and he thought it was important to correct that record.
I understand it.
I know the kind of heat that they probably were bringing down on him and God bless him for doing it anyway.
I can only tell you how many times when I was there for four and a half years, just as a contributor, being called into the second floor like, you can't talk about that.
Why?
Because it's just too much.
It's truth.
It's just too much.
It's too much truth.
People can't handle that.
So I think this is very illuminating.
And you guys can jump in where you want, but I think there are a couple more points here that, if you read between the lines, are pretty telling.
When's the last time you heard a legitimate debate about any of those issues?
It's been a long time.
Debates like that are not permitted in American media.
Both political parties and their donors have reached consensus on what benefits them, and they actively collude to shut down any conversation about it.
Suddenly, the United States looks very much like a one-party state.
That's a depressing way to put it.
It's very clear.
Both sides collude.
It's very similar to what you've heard me talk.
Look, let's say there's only two companies in town, and one is supposed to be black hat, one's supposed to be white hat.
And they both have a conversation and say, look, these are the issues that we have with Tucker, so if you want him, we're going to do this with him.
It's illegal in sports, by the way, to let another team know, or at least in certain sports, what you're offering them, what the contract is like, what the terms are on the way out.
This happens in our industry all the time.
Tucker just told you, he just reiterated something that we talked about in December.
There are people who are more powerful than you and they're very concerned if they think
that Tucker is more powerful than Fox News in and of itself, and that's something that
they have to eliminate as a threat.
He did not just say CNN.
CNN's not a threat.
Read between the lines.
CNN is not a threat.
MSNBC is not a threat.
He cannot say Fox News.
And I'm not saying this is right or wrong.
I'm telling you what it seems he's trying to say that I know he's precluded from saying.
He made sure to say both sides, powerful corporate entities, collude to eliminate these conversations.
That is very, very specific.
And that's not by accident.
Let's keep going.
...realization, but it's not permanent.
Our current orthodoxies won't last.
They're brain dead.
Nobody actually believes them.
Hardly anyone's life is improved by them.
This moment is too inherently ridiculous to continue, and so it won't.
The people in charge know this.
That's why they're hysterical and aggressive.
They're afraid.
They've given up persuasion.
They're resorting to force.
But it won't work.
When honest people say what's true, calmly and without embarrassment, they become powerful.
Pause.
Without embarrassment.
Why would he say that?
He doesn't need to say that.
That'll bring us to the shakedown elements later.
This is something that's very common, right?
There's going to be discovery with this lawsuit, every single text he's ever sent, every single message that he's ever sent.
With no context.
With no context.
When you read a text, you have no, you can't tell if it's a joke, it sounds serious.
Exactly.
And they'll read into that, and they'll read it that way.
And this is what happens a lot with people in positions of a high profile, like Tucker Carlson.
Hey, I bet you don't want everyone to read every single joke or text you've ever said, even though I've never met you and you've never done anything wrong.
This is something that's going to go into public discovery.
He did not need to say that when honest people speak the truth calmly and without embarrassment, one of these things is not like the other.
He is letting you know.
And he could tell me that everything I'm saying is wrong and I'm doing him a gross disservice, in which case I apologize.
Trying to help out what I think is being said here, and we'll get into the lawsuit without embarrassment.
That's key, and hopefully Tucker Carlson understands, and you guys can comment below, that he, barring some kind of a crime, if there are some jokes out there, this is probably what's going to come down the pike, nothing to be embarrassed about.
Let's stop with the pearl clutching, acting like we all, in our own quiet time with friends, don't say things that, out of context, could be used against you.
Every single one of you, right now, right now, would you want the entire world The entire world will see everything you've sent in the last five years to anybody you've ever talked to.
That's what he's probably facing with these bogus lawsuits.
And they're bogus!
My entire life on this show has lived out of context with the soundboard.
That's true!
So case in point!
But no, I want to go back to a word that he said, and I was going to make this point a second ago, but he actually highlighted it when he said these orthodoxies can't last, so they won't.
As somebody who, in Tucker's case, has worked at MSNBC, at CNN, and now at Fox News, I think he's referring to them.
He's referring to the legacy media.
Yes, these legacy media outlets can't last.
Look at the shake-up that you're seeing at CNN, the shake-up to some degree at MSNBC, now the shake-up at Fox.
This is the death throes of an industry right now, is what you're saying.
And he's referring to it and saying, they're on the way out.
And he's one of the only people who is not on the way out.
Yeah.
And that should tell you something.
Look, you don't get rid of your star player when they are at their peak.
There's something going on here, and, you know, I understand Tucker probably looking out for the best interests of his family, of covering himself legally as their ongoing suits.
Has to be very, very careful, but that's a good point, Joe.
Let's keep watching.
In time, the liars who've been trying to silence them shrink, and they become weaker.
That's the iron law of the universe.
True things prevail.
Where can you still find Americans saying true things?
There aren't many places left, but there are some, and that's enough.
As long as you can hear the words, there is hope.
See you soon.
There you go.
There are some and that's enough.
He's alluding to.
Now I really, really hope that Tucker has a very good lawyer and is very careful because
sometimes you see people who go from legacy media online and they assume that online means
free the wild west.
It does not.
And by the way, that's on absolutely both sides.
So there are some places where you can speak freely.
Rumble is one of them.
It's not the only one, but it certainly is one of them and the one making the most amount of progress.
So it seems to me like Tucker is saying, I need to get to a point where I am free to speak what I actually believe.
And just to be clear here, I want to, in defense of him, because you'll see this a lot, and I have had the luxury of not having anyone dictate what I say.
That is a luxury for which I am supremely grateful.
Many have tried.
Yeah.
You know what?
I will say the things that I'm most grateful for in my life is that I get to come to work with you, Johnny Boy, my best friends for the better part of, well, Johnny Boy three decades, but two decades, and that, win, lose, or draw, I get to say what it is that I mean.
I also see people maybe saying, well then why did Tucker do this if he didn't believe this, which we don't know what's been said.
Again, there's a lot of speculation.
It does not mean that someone is controlled opposition if they speak the truth, but they are for, they're not allowed, they're barred from speaking the whole truth they want to communicate.
I'm willing to bet that that is a situation with Tucker.
I do not believe that Tucker Carlson has ever said anything that he does not believe.
I don't think that he would do that.
But I do believe that there were instances where he was not allowed to communicate the entirety of the truth that he wanted to convey.
That's very different.
That's what happens a lot is, well, look, look, we're not going to tell you what to say, but if you say this, you know, you might just, uh...
It's worse when you're a contributor, which she was for a long time.
If you say it this way, then you might just not get your regular Wednesday spot.
That's what happens.
It's the things that you're not permitted to say.
But information is becoming decorporatized.
The marketplace wants you to not be beholden to a corporation.
What would have made that video even more powerful is if that, a paper mache hat, and if Don Lemon had walked by in just an apron.
Nothing but, and just said, Amen.
Or, you know what I mean?
Or, tell him, honey.
That would have been cool, too.
And we would have been like, Tucker and Sassy.
Do you want fish or pasta?
You were going to say, what would actually make that video?
Just Don Lemon walking by with nothing but an apron.
I was about to say, he's describing a fantasy.
Or in the g-string that that woman was wearing.
It doesn't matter.
The point is... Well, you'd have to have Don Lemon and one other person.
Look, the point is that I didn't really read into it that way, but I do think that the marketplace is creating space for objective news and information, and he's going to do it.
He should team up with Don Lemon, and they should have a point-counterpoint.
It'd be kind of interesting.
I bet you Don Lemon is a lot more conservative than you think.
What do you think?
No.
He used to be.
They used to ask me.
I couldn't because I was on Fox.
He had to toe that line, too.
You're going to start seeing a lot of people like that who are like, I'm actually a lot more in the middle.
Yeah.
No, I think you're just going to be seeing him starring in the off-Broadway version of Birdcage.
That's what I think.
Very, very quickly.
Yes!
Well, look, we do have some breaking news.
We mentioned him a minute ago when we talked about large white women and people.
And I said, yeah, I've watched Jerry Springer.
Well, he's dead.
Oh no!
Jerry Springer, dead.
79!
79 years old.
He was also, was he mayor of Cincinnati?
Yes.
Yeah, I mentioned him and 30 seconds later, he's dead.
I'm sorry.
I mean, I'm not a Jerry Springer fan, but I mean, I didn't watch his show is what I mean.
I don't really know a whole lot about him personally, but that's sad.
79 is kind of young.
Well, wait, what?
79 is pretty, I mean... Well, you're 6'5", so you'd be lucky to make it that far.
Great Danes don't live very long.
Also, the lady in that first clip.
You don't see a lot of 80-year-old thems.
No.
She was cozy.
Like, that'd be fun to sleep next to her on.
Okay, but we can move on from there.
We can move on from the disgusting.
I'm just saying.
We can move on from the middle stage, from the middle act of Slither, which is what we just witnessed.
Something's wrong with me!
I can't.
I gotta leave.
After the show.
Yes, after the show.
But that's it with Tucker, and you know what, hey look, we always offer, uh, extend a hand if Tucker wants to tell a story, whatever it is that he can tell, and of course he doesn't owe anyone anything.
Everyone is, we always try and balance, people are reaching out for a scoop.
Right.
So, look, if you need someone to be a helping hand, uh, or help navigate what's going on, we're here, and if not, I understand, Tucker's gotta do what he's gotta do, and I'd love to see you comment below if you, what you think, before we get into some new information.
This might end up being the whole show, we have so much, uh, that we've discussed.
I know, this is a lot.
Does he get bigger from this?
Well, I mean, you know, you tend to stress eat.
No.
Well, that's not what I mean!
Why does everything have to be physical?
You've got food on the brain.
I do.
No, you made a really good point about this.
When you transitioned, like, um... Ah, jeez, I'm forgetting his name.
But anyway, the former Fox guy, who was really, really big, went there right before Bill O'Reilly.
Bill O'Reilly, thank you.
I can't believe it.
Well do it live!
Fuck it!
Yeah, exactly.
When a guy like that goes on to stream, it's not like filling a spot on a network.
Right, now the big difference is Bill O'Reilly did it.
Right.
When he got in trouble for all the hype.
No, that's true.
Yes, very different.
But Bill O'Reilly did just think that he could go online and do a podcast, and of course nobody, and I don't say, I don't revel in this.
Look, when you don't have other people marketing you, when you don't have other people telling you what it is that you need to listen to and having a built-in base, right?
Fox has a basement, and then Tucker did a lot better than the base level and the other hosts.
But so did Bill O'Reilly, and then people realized when he has to write his own content, it wasn't interesting enough in a sea of far greater competition.
I think Tucker would do a lot better than Bill O'Reilly.
I think he would get neutered if he goes to the wrong place.
I think right now is pivotal.
If he goes to the wrong place, if he does not stage... He has his own studio at his place, right?
He might have to change it a little bit because Fox might say that they technically own some imagery or something like that.
He has his own place.
He has the money to float this for a while like we did for a while to ensure that he creates the kind of show that he wants to.
There are people like Rumble.
There are other people, but Rumble is the most capable right now that could help him do his own thing.
This is pivotal.
I know he's having meetings with people.
Tucker, just take your time and don't do anything that would lock you down from, that would have anything even remotely close to the shackles that you've just, uh, you've just sort of, uh, escaped.
That's, that's what I would say.
Yeah, and he's got to make a big splash coming out of doing something different.
He can't just talk to the camera and expect every single person to follow him.
Like you said, in this environment, there's too many options.
He's got his writer, he's got his head writer with him.
Yeah, well, no, that's helpful, but it's not Fox at 7, right?
That time slot carries weight with it, like Stephen said, the basement.
Older people, too.
If he has his head writer, hey Tucker, can I borrow him?
What?
How dare you?
How dare you?
No, we have brilliant researchers who help with this a lot.
We just had Brian Callen's comedy that is...
What?
Hey, that's not nice.
Guys, it's the morning.
I'm just warming up in my lilac... Nobody say anything about my lilac sweatshirt.
I love you, Brian.
That is not lilac.
I love you!
What are you, colored?
By the way, Gerald's colorblind.
He wouldn't know.
I know.
Oh, you are?
Yeah, he's colorblind.
This kind of calms the masculine edge.
There you go.
Yeah, exactly.
It was too much.
Now I'm like, oh, he's just like me.
Otherwise, I'm too dangerous.
Yeah, exactly.
My jawline cuts too much of an image.
All right, so here's the other info on Tucker.
I don't know if you've been following this, Brian.
Yes.
This is from the New York Times.
They suggested that Tucker's firing had to do with a lawsuit by his booking producer, Abby Grossberg.
Okay, so let me read you a quote from the New York Times, and then let me give you some context.
Ms.
Grossberg said in the lawsuit naming Mr. Carlson that male producers regularly use vulgarities to describe women and frequently made anti-Semitic jokes.
Grossberg addressed the lawsuit and then, okay, First off, here's the thing.
You're going to see this clip, okay?
And you're going to read this on New York Times.
Let me be clear.
Grosberg's lawyer admitted that Grosberg never met Tucker, okay?
What?
Never met Tucker!
So, think about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, right?
That guy even lost in the UK until we found out that she broke his finger with a bottle and took a shit on the bed multiple times and blamed a human-sized shit On a Pomeranian, Yorkshire Terrier, I don't care, you can fact check me on that.
But my point here is, this woman never met Tucker according to her lawyer.
What?
Keep that in mind while you watch this clip on MSNBC, okay?
There were feelings at first, like, yes!
And then also the reality that you don't want anything bad to happen to anybody, but at the same time, Tucker and his executive producer, Justin Wells, who was also fired, really were responsible for breaking me and making my life a living hell.
So there is a feeling of justice, but it's only partial.
Okay, so you never met him, and he's responsible for breaking you.
First off, let me let you in on a little secret.
If vulgarities, and by the way, if Tucker had called, like, a black intern the N-word, it would say that, just to be clear.
He probably called someone a pussy, right?
Clarence Thomas made a joke about a pubic hair on a Diet Coke can, and that made me like him more!
I wanna party with Thomas!
She got mad because they had pictures of Nancy Pelosi in a bikini everywhere.
Oh no!
And someone threw some holy water on her and she's like... You're breaking me!
She's got that... looks like she dresses like an Amish woman.
She looks like Orphan.
With those eyes.
She's a booking producer.
She's got great white shark eyes.
She's not writing content and working intimately with Tucker Carlson and having to work through how to write in somebody else.
She's saying, do you want to be on our show?
Yeah, by the way... Is that what she does?
Don't do anything intimately with her with anything you want back.
I know, but I find her strangely attractive.
You're disgusting.
I just want to have arguments with her.
Hold on, guys.
This is important.
This is a shakedown.
No, no, it's okay, but this is a shakedown.
And Brian, you've been through this, right?
Something similar, I hope.
And you tell me.
I don't mean to be out of line, but this is something we talked about.
You came on our show.
Remember that conversation, right, Brian?
You're going to come on the show and you're going to tell me exactly what you told me off air.
It's because you're telling me the truth.
That's right.
And that's how you have to get out in front of these, because right now, you have The Daily Show, you have Kimmel, you have Seth Meyers, they're all talking about, and this is the threat, right?
This is the threat, the public threat of, oh, I know something about Tucker you don't know.
He may be called a booking producer, he never met a pussy, the one who's stuck in a vase next to holy water and sacraments.
All of these late night hosts have a secret dossier, or they're alluding to it, full of dirt, that they may have procured from Fox News on Tucker.
Here you go.
Fox News executives reportedly have a dossier of dirt on him.
Yeah, to keep him from attacking the network.
Fox News reportedly has a dossier of alleged dirt, aka an oppo file, on Tucker Carlson amid
their messy separation from the recently ousted host, as speculation runs rampant about what
exactly led to Carlson's abrupt exit.
Meanwhile, Fox itself is basically acting like Carlson.
Rolling Stone and a number of other sources say Fox News has been keeping a file of dirt
on Tucker and they're prepared to release it in the event he goes after the network.
This is apparently something they do over there.
They collect compromising information about their employees in case they need to use it.
But what could they have on Tucker Carlson?
That would embarrass him.
Did he once try to buy a fuel efficient car?
I mean, does he have a collection of paintings that weren't by Hitler?
I don't know.
Now here's the thing, right, he's, look, he's in there, okay, that's a funny bit, but what they're doing right now, and notice this, they say this preemptively to prevent him from attacking the network.
Let me ask you this, question, anyone out there see Tucker Carlson attack a network?
No.
So what's going to happen is, they've now attacked him.
And then if Tucker Carlson defends himself, they'll say, he attacked us, and try and nail him for defamation.
That right there, that you just saw, that was the opening salvo.
And here's the important part.
There could be zero truth to this.
And when you search this for years to come, this is what you will find.
This is what they want to threaten.
In case you've forgotten, they did the same thing with President Trump, claiming, and then it disappeared, that he had repeatedly said the N-word on the set of The Apprentice, and the clip was incoming.
But all the talk has been about the one tape that we haven't heard.
Tonight, as we come on the air, the explosive allegations.
Omarosa, she's now claiming she's heard a recording of the president using the n-word.
Magician Penn Jillette says he knows for a fact there are tapes of President Trump saying racist remarks.
He says he knows such recordings exist because he was in the room when at least one incident happened.
If you stand at the podium and guarantee the American people they'll never hear Donald Trump utter the N-word on a recording in any context?
I can't guarantee anything, but I can tell you that the president addressed this question directly.
I can tell you that I've never heard it.
You can't guarantee it?
It was a bad mistake.
How about we guarantee you first, Trevor Noah?
Isn't that wonderful?
Hey, by the way, if that existed, you think you'd know about it?
Yeah.
That was a media frenzy forever.
We're doing the same thing right now with Tucker Carlson.
Could Tucker Carlson guarantee you that there is nothing in his private communications that you might find offensive at some point in time?
I can't guarantee you that about the first 15 minutes of this show!
That's right.
What astonishes me is the lateral cooperation.
Yes.
The coordinated cooperation.
It's unbelievable.
Oh, it gets worse.
Wow.
It gets worse because you have Fox News, right?
Hey, Fox News.
Oh, you thought Fox News was your ally?
What?
You thought, uh... You thought Bill Devine was your friend?
So, I have a... Well, can I, can I, because this, Fox News and ABC, or sorry, Seth Meyers, I don't know the networks.
They all suck, okay?
They're getting this from Fox News.
Alright, so now you have the entertainment industry.
But you've heard me use the term the entertainment media big tech industrial complex.
That's by design, because guess who else is happy about it?
Senior DOD officials at the Pentagon.
This is what they said.
According to Politico, we're a better country without him bagging on our military every night in front of hundreds of thousands of people.
Good riddance.
But no, look, I'm sure the deep state had nothing to do with any of this at all.
What the hell?
I don't... I mean, I guess.
It's the Deep State.
But here's the thing.
Think about the Pentagon, right?
He talked about federal agents, which we now know, right?
Well, we now know this.
We now know federal agents.
There might have been, of course, even military members.
January 6th, he shined a light on it.
They don't like that.
Fox News says, ooh, you know what?
We understand.
Hey, please, please, please, please kill us less.
Figuratively, And then they leak info to ABC, NBC, CBS, Comedy Central.
They're thinking that the cumulative effect of all these people who are nowhere near as popular as Tucker Carlson, if they all gun for him at once, that they can cut this off at the pass and set a narrative.
And it is ugly, and I hope you're aware of it as it's happening.
The Pentagon, by the way, they're probably happy that Tucker is gone, not just January 6th, but they're probably happy that he's gone because he would regularly call out directly, which should be the job of the media, by the way, their woke recruiting practices.
Pregnant women are going to fight our wars.
It's a mockery of the U.S.
military.
While China's military becomes more masculine as it's assembled the world's largest navy, our military needs to become, as Joe Biden says, more feminine.
Whatever feminine means anymore, since men and women no longer exist.
Yeah, because there's nothing more feminine than Rachel Levine either.
The point is, none of this makes any sense at this point.
You can't follow it.
You missed that overlay there.
It's a moving target all the time.
There you go!
Oh, I thought it was going to be a picture of the Mitch McConnell look-alike.
I have two things.
One, I think we scooped CNN by about ten minutes again.
Fantastic job researchers on the Jerry Springsteen thing.
They finally got to it, right?
That was something that was on the air.
They're too busy taking calls from Fox News and the Pentagon.
Look, I understand if you have a guy who's going rogue and not doing his job, and you're kind of bookmarking things for the future, but that doesn't seem like what Fox News is doing.
It seems like Fox is like, hey, we're going to fire this guy, and we just want to make up as much stuff as possible out of context, so let's just gather some dirt, quote-unquote, on this guy to make sure that he never speaks out against us again.
That's what it sounds like right now.
Here's why.
If these were infractions.
Maybe that's not right.
Maybe that's not true.
Let's say if Tucker Carlson didn't show up to work, and they wrote that, that's an infraction, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Carlson was coming in drunk.
That's an infraction.
And I wouldn't care if they wrote that down and at some point the talker lied about them and they said, look, this is what we had to do.
Right, but my point is this is how you read between the lines.
If he came in and he was drunk, okay, they would say that's a problem.
If he came in and he didn't do his work, okay, they would say that's a problem.
If he came in and he lied deliberately and he didn't run up by them and they knew that it was a false story but he wanted it, that would be an infraction.
They would say that.
They wouldn't say vulgar terms that he may have used, pejoratives.
That's not what's happening.
No one has a problem with actual workplace misdeeds.
They're not even claiming that.
No, and look, it's not lost on us, too, that these late-night hosts have no love for Fox and would love to do everything that they can to take down both Tucker Carlson and Fox News at the same time, and so I'm not trying to carry water for them, but the fact that they would have a dirt file on Tucker Carlson scares me, unless it's just like you said, well, these are just infractions.
Yeah.
That's different.
They probably would have said that.
Because you have access to my computers and stuff.
Don't read the file labeled, uh, Gerald's Dirt.
I just... I have to.
I understand.
Yes, you do.
We have to keep him in line!
I deleted it.
But you see what's going on right now, right?
I mean, this is... You know, you like to think, because you're obviously more out of the closet, more recently as a conservative.
I mean, you've always been more conservative, right?
But you're more aggressive, is that a fair way to... Yes.
Okay.
They push me over.
Yes, I don't want to misrepresent you, but you know this happens in Hollywood.
Yeah.
But I think a part of you likes to think that it didn't happen on this side, and I think maybe you're getting a little bit of a rude awakening.
Unfortunately, this is very common on this side.
Well, what I worry about is the money, the big money, somehow seems to be aligning.
There is lateral cooperation.
Government and big tech and corporate corporations.
I don't know why it's going on.
As opposed to non-corporate corporations?
Well, yes.
Corporate corporations.
You're usually so articulate.
Corporate corporations.
Corporate corporations with corporate interests.
That's what I meant.
Yes.
Gerald?
Corporates.
Many of them are incorporated.
Incorporated.
Some are LLCs or past their entities, but the point remains.
Yeah, I don't know.
But this has been the thing in Hollywood forever.
Yeah, but it happens on our side.
If you want to work on a movie set or a TV set, you don't bring your politics if you're conservative.
Right.
You won't work again.
But here's the thing, in the conservative sphere, you don't bring the wrong conservative politics.
That's correct.
That's the issue, right?
That's correct.
Well, you come in and there are certain things that are permissible, and here's the thing.
Look, let me give you an example.
Do you know how much on which I disagree with Alex Jones?
Yeah.
For crying out loud?
Yeah.
The guy's a blast to have in!
We can sit here and talk together.
I would never... Now, if you ask me, do you agree with him on... Insert whatever it is here that I... No!
But he's a sweet... And he's right about a lot of things.
Brian and I disagree on things.
Gerald and I... At no point are you saying... Oh, you can't... You can't say that because Alex, of course, you're advocating for a crime, which you do all the time.
But again, don't check out the Dirk file on my computer.
You don't advocate them so much as commit them.
Slavery was okay.
No, you know... What the heck?
That's where I... Baby kicking and slavery are the two things that I... Well, see, this is out of context.
Yeah.
Alright.
No one cares, Gerald.
I'm not sure what the context would be that makes that okay, but hey.
If you're bad in the office, Gerald just grabs you in his arms and squeezes until you say, uncle.
Yes.
Yes.
If you've been naughty.
Do you have an idea of the Mexican standoff that would take place if it was you, me, Gerald, all of you guys, by the way, you're not getting out of here unscathed if anyone saw you in run through, uh, Nick DiPaolo and said, Hey, we're gonna, we're gonna release your, uh, your jokes that you wrote that didn't make air or text.
My texts right now!
It's mutually assured destruction, you know?
I know, and everyone likes to act like they're above it.
Well, I have nothing to hide!
Bullshit!
It doesn't mean that you're committing a crime.
It doesn't mean that, you know, no one's... They would already tell you.
If he was cheating on his wife, if he was out there banging broads and snorting blow, you would know about it.
For crying out loud, they said that Donald Trump yelled the n-word repeatedly on camera and they never provided evidence.
If it existed, You wouldn't know.
Instead, we have to deal with someone who says that Tucker Carlson said mean things even though she's never met him, and Fox News understands that Tucker is more powerful than their network in a lot of ways.
People don't want to follow corporations.
People want to support people.
And you know what?
Tucker Carlson, love him or hate him, does need your support if you support the idea of being free and enough of these shakedowns.
Yeah, so just a quick stat.
It's not going so well for that time slot.
I guess we're finding out what the basement is because Kilmeade guest hosted for Tucker Carlson and had a 47% drop in viewership.
He's getting better.
Look, I understand.
It's tough to fill.
It's tough to do that.
But $1.7 million instead.
But I want to go back to a point.
If that existed, you would have heard about it.
That guy right there knew how to play it, right?
If there's a tape, what was it?
He offered $100,000.
Andrew Breitbart.
$100,000 to the United Negro College Fund.
Andrew Breitbart.
Andrew Breitbart.
$100,000 to the United Negro College Fund.
If they could...
And I didn't even use the Negro...
That's the name of the fund, dumbass.
So people said that he used the N-word, I believe.
They accused him of racism.
He said, anyone who has any proof or evidence, provide the tape.
No, no, it wasn't him.
It was Congressman Clyburn and they were walking up to Congress, right?
Remember, they were walking up to the steps and they claimed that people were shouting, the Tea Partiers were screaming the n-word at them.
And the thing is, we had many, this was kind of at the advent of iPhones, I believe it was 2009 or sort of when they became ubiquitous.
There was so much footage from all these different angles, it's almost like how we were promised DVDs would be.
Remember when they used to tell you, with a DVD you'll be able to have 360, and then we just got like, oh it's just a slightly clearer cassette tape.
The point remains.
So, they said, they yelled the N-word and were spitting on us.
And Andrew Breitbart had so much footage, he said $100,000 to the United Negro College Fund for anyone who provides proof of that happening.
Because that was used as a catalyst, what they're doing right now, Tucker Carlson, to label the entire Tea Party movement as racist.
And every one of the media ran with, they were yelling the n-word according to, right?
They just ran with it.
Yeah, you know what else they ran with?
You have to, unfortunately at some point, you have to make it so clear that it's undeniable.
Anthony Weiner!
We all know now that it's true.
The only reason you know that, you don't remember this, they were saying that Andrew Breitbart hacked, had someone hack Anthony Weiner, and that images were fabricated.
And he was planning on coming out and saying this is all false, and they were talking about, Alec Baldwin said, this has a whiff of Breitbart, to try and make it seem illegitimate until Andrew Breitbart, that man, the man, by the way, who is the reason that I am sitting here today, for God's sakes.
He took a set that I did at the Improv in 2011 and put it on his website and said, you know what?
You might want to try this.
You might want to try letting your freak flag fly.
He spoke with me for 45 minutes.
He took control of Anthony Wiener's podium.
I believe it was at the Omni Hotel when he was about to go out and say, Andrew Breitbart's a liar.
I did nothing wrong until Andrew said, I have the pictures and for the sake of the family, I didn't want to release them.
They got leaked eventually, but before that, Andrew was playing by rules to try and do the decent thing and instead, Wiener
came out and on the fly had to apologize and resign.
People will tell you, they were screaming through the hallway, Anthony Wiener's about
to go to the podium, Andrew Breitbart goes instead and you heard, Andrew Breitbart's
in the building!
Like a fucking specter that came through and everyone went, oh no.
We've been messing with this guy for a long time and he has the receipts and you hope
and you pray it doesn't come to that, but we just talked about, I don't even, James
O'Keefe, who were the other people we were discussing earlier this week?
Dan Bongino was one of them.
He left but Matt Walsh got hacked, which is absolutely horrible.
This is not happenstance.
Now with Tucker, I just, you know, I pray for the guy and hey, maybe there's some damning
I don't think so.
I don't buy it.
You can come back and tell me I'm wrong if that's what it comes down to.
What bums me out is that we live in a time when if you take control of the narrative first, and you have a catchy narrative, you win the day.
At least in the short term.
You'll win the battle.
But I think the war is one which is sticking to the truth.
Yeah, but with a guy like that, I mean, they used to say you never pick a fight with a guy who buys ink by the barrel.
Meaning, like, if somebody has a platform, like a newspaper, that's where the comment came from, you don't pick a fight with them if you're not right.
He has a platform still.
He's still Tucker Carlson.
He still has a lot of followers, obviously.
Are you saying they shouldn't pick a fight with him?
Exactly.
Fox should not pick a fight with him.
Yeah, I disagree.
I'm not saying they shouldn't.
It's morally reprehensible, but they have a leg up.
Why do you think these guys want to make sure that YouTube, that Facebook are controlled?
Why do you think Fox spends so much on advertising?
Let me tell you, when I was at Fox News, I would upload clips from my own interviews on Fox.
I had two segments that I would do every week, and then I would appear intermittently.
And I would upload them to YouTube because, you know, I think I might have had 100,000 subscribers back then.
The Fox lawyers would get them removed from YouTube because they said it was a fad.
You didn't want it there.
Then they said, ooh, we can get a ton of traffic.
And then they start spending more.
And not just Fox.
NBC.
They spend so much money on advertising.
They dictate the terms of all of big tech.
And Tucker does not have his own platform set up yet.
Unless you're right, is what I was saying.
Because here's the thing.
Because if they're wrong... Sorry, I'm fired.
No, no, no.
You're fine.
But if they're wrong, Tucker still has plenty of options to be able to tell his story.
So here's what he has in his back pocket.
But he has a limited window.
He does.
He has a limited window to do it, but I guarantee you CNN and MSNBC guys would have him on in a second if it meant telling them that Fox News was wrong.
He doesn't need to do that.
He's got other options.
I don't know that they would.
I think they're covering this story like crazy right now.
I don't know that they would have Tucker.
Yeah, but they want to slander him.
They want to slander him.
I don't know that they would have him on.
The bigger fish is Fox.
I'm guaranteeing you, the bigger fish is Fox News.
They want to take down Fox News.
And I'm not saying they should or should be able to.
I'm just saying they're playing with fire.
They're playing with fire.
They'd get some serious backlash, though, if they had Tucker Carlson.
You're saying hiring Tucker Carlson?
No, no, no.
Hey, Tucker, why don't you come on and tell us about the lies of Fox News?
Because they're threatening to release dirt on you right now.
Or they do release dirt, and Tucker has to respond.
I don't think he should do that, but these guys would be foaming at the mouth to take down Fox.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
If he did a show like this or a show like your friend Joe Rogan, that would be a lot smarter for him to do.
I wouldn't be surprised if he does.
Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he does, Joe Rogan.
I call him.
Don't give it to him.
Don't hand out personal numbers, Brian.
I'm just saying.
I pick up the phone, I change everything.
Don't give it to MSNBC or CNN.
Don't give them that.
Do it with somebody else.
Yes.
I just want to stick it to the corporate corporations.
Yes.
No, I know.
They deserve it.
They've been so corporate.
They've been far too corporate for far too long.
I hate the corporate corporatists.
The problem is corporate corporations.
You know what's coming to an end?
What?
Their corporate reign.
That's right.
And I'll tell you something, this show, The Corporation Meter, it doesn't hit red hot, does it, guys?
No, it does not.
I just had a conversation with Rumble yesterday, and they're great.
They're great guys.
That's all I can say.
Speaking of which, right now, they're on CNN.
Talking about Fox News.
Oh, I thought it was a clip from earlier.
Okay, CNN.
Crude text messages.
Crude text messages.
Sorry, Nick DePaulo's not here.
Ah, fuck off, you dump- You channeled him.
You know what's crude?
Is the Tangs clinging on for dear life on your zipper.
He gave a harsh critique of the state of television news, calling on-air debates unbelievably stupid.
That's not quite what he said.
What he's really calling, sweetheart, what he's really calling unbelievably stupid is you.
Is all of you.
You're irrelevant!
Yes, he's pointing at you.
Well, not to a scale.
Okay, next!
But that outfit's amazing.
That outfit's so spring 2023.
Yes, yes, yes.
Springtime for CNN.
That's it.
We've got, actually, so I know we've gone kind of long on this segment.
I'm sorry.
Hopefully you guys... No, no, we should.
Because that's important.
So let's just do the funny and then we'll push the ERC to next week.
It'll live.
Which one?
The last one.
The ESG?
ESG, sorry.
Okay.
We'll do that one next week.
Alright!
And by the way, let's just be anti-Semitic.
I'm sorry, you Jew writer who helped me with the ESG thing, that we're moving it to next week.
Don't get all Jew-y on me!
It's Jew-ish!
My God!
No.
You know what?
You're correct.
But you'll always be Jew-y to me, Sam.
In a wonderful way.
You and your unleavened bread bullshit.
It's just focaccia bread.
No, actually, Sam actually, because we've done the ESG segment and yeah, that's all it is.
He just gets focaccia.
He does this all the time, but he's like, I can't do leavened bread.
And I'm like, so what are you?
He's just like, it's just like a focaccia or like a brioche or whatever the hell it is.
I'm like, that's just typical.
That's just like, that's one of the choices.
What a sacrifice.
What a sacrifice.
I don't have enough air in my bread.
That's how I show I love God.
I'll take no air in my bread.
Yes.
And we'll complain about it for 30 years.
I'm not going to hell.
Yeah.
What's this, Lord?
What's this, Lord?
What's this, manna?
Oh, you mean it's everything that we need to sustain life as we escape slavery?
But could it have some fig jam?
We love you, Sam.
No, we love you, Sam.
I'm so tired of picking it.
Well, gluten-free has made it a lot easier for the Jews, so let's move on to... Pedro Pascal.
Pedro!
Think about it!
He's having to fast for... Is it still Passover?
No.
No, but why is he fasting?
He's not fasting, is he?
I don't know.
Israel turned 75 yesterday.
Yeah, that's why he's fasting.
The point is, he could be in the middle of the most religious fast that exists and still eat at California Pizza Kitchen with no problems.
There you go.
We have lives that it's so much easier, but then the problem that you didn't have to deal with is back in the day people shaking you down on a national platform for potentially using something offensive that I guarantee you your grandfather said every single time you went for a visit.
Let's move on now to talk about Pedro Pascal and this gay western.
We have a 7 plus, which we're going to do, but there's going to be a new gay western, which is a big thing in case you wondered whether they have to inject it into everything.
Should I tell people to hit the rumble button?
Does it matter?
Yeah, just do it.
Smash the rumble button!
Do it!
Because we went late today.
Oh!
What?
Guess who's going to drop his first gun video tomorrow?
Oh, Mr. Guns and Gear?
Yeah!
Oh, there you go.
That'll be here on Mug Club.
Mr. Guns and Gear is going to drop his first... Guns and Gear?
That sounds like a gay Western.
It's fantastic.
Guns and Gear.
He normally does like a 20 or 30 minute video.
That's his kind of normal stuff.
Right.
And he goes, hey, Gerald, I went a little long.
I'm like, well, what do you mean?
I'm thinking like 30 minutes.
And he's like, I went an hour and a half.
Great.
That's two pieces of content, so he's cutting it up a little bit.
So he's gonna release it tomorrow around noon.
And some will be on YouTube and then the full version on Mug Club because he has been throttled, by the way, he's been throttled horribly.
Shadowbanned on YouTube, even more than other gun channels.
I think because he's so likable and effective.
Yeah, he's gonna do a video that he's been wanting to do for a very long time, but there's no way and it's absolutely stunning that it wouldn't be allowed.
Go watch it and you'll see why it wouldn't be allowed, but you will have no idea.
Is he gonna come out of like a cocoon like, I am born!
I don't think he's that artistic.
Why?
I know you're confused because it's not a black turtleneck.
If it was a black turtleneck, it would all make sense.
I am bored!
Alright, so that brings us, Gay Western, to this week's Entertainment Minute.
That's like a... Yeah, Callan said something and we couldn't hear him.
Doesn't matter.
All right.
I want to do this show all the time.
I know, right?
It's been chaos the last two days.
It's fun!
Gay William yesterday, you weren't there.
Gay William and Nick DiPaolo was magic.
Oh my god.
I hurt laughing.
Was magic.
I was hiding the last time.
Did he have a bag on his head?
No, now he has a luchadorian mask.
A bedazzled luchadorian mask.
The very first thing he says as he looks in the camera, he goes, I look Mexican.
That's an amazing William impersonation.
I look Mexican.
All right.
I know this is a little bit crazy, but we all hear our heart goes out to Tucker Carlson, and I don't even know the guy, but I, you know, you just always hate to see people bullied.
And the good news is that power dynamic is shifting.
Okay, moving on from it.
So, Tuesday, the first trailer for the film that you were really, is with Pedro Pascal, who by the way I like, unfortunately he's a communist, and Ethan Hawke, The Black Phone was a good film, but the point is, Two things can be true or three things can be true.
Good actor, good film, really bad looking trailer.
So it's for a new queer western, which I guess we can say now because it's 2023.
And it's called The Strange Way of Life.
Here is the trailer.
And I know what you're thinking.
It's not a parody.
♪♪ She was a whore, father.
♪♪ A woman was found killed in town.
♪♪ No!
♪♪ I don't know the plot.
That's real.
They're even shooting gay Music doesn't make sense either
You never loved me.
You never loved anyone in your life.
Yes!
So I shot you.
The working title was Dusty Butthole.
Living together on a ranch.
Look out the window.
There it is!
Please, someone cover his face in a pillow.
That was the worst.
That's so dicks and dust.
That's what I look for in a Western.
Well, that's what you always want in a Western.
You think of The Searchers or Unforgiven.
More gay sex.
That's what it was missing.
I couldn't put my finger in it.
Don't shoot him, kiss him!
And by the way, just so you know, too, a lot of people don't know this, because everything is metaverse now, you know, with Marvel.
It was originally slated to actually be included in the Alec Baldwin western metaverse, and it was tentatively titled Rusty Trombone, so that's what they were going to release, and then they decided, you know what?
That was the penguin in Santa Claus's cover.
Oh, I'll call you Tapper!
I was doing the theme music, dude.
Someone and five bucks to whoever gets me that clip of Santa Claus is Coming to Town with Mickey Rooney and his little penguin topper.
That's exactly what you sounded like.
And they kidnapped the bastard to ransom Santa Claus.
Well, you know, two things can be true at the same time.
Does no one remember this?
No, I don't.
Do you remember it?
Yeah.
Alright, fine.
Thanks.
Leave me hanging on this limb of a wasted childhood.
It was still funny!
Some things can be funny even though you don't get the context.
That's all I'm trying to say.
That looks like a heck of a movie.
That was the worst trailer I've ever seen in my life.
Well, he's wearing that fantastic... What is that color?
Is that a fuchsia?
You know, when you're in a Western, you wear a fuchsia.
Six shooters.
And by the way, I read the synopsis.
He plays... I think Pedro Pascal plays the sheriff and Ethan Hawke plays a bad guy?
I thought you were going to say bottom.
Well, he does.
I don't know who's... The movie could be called Who's on Top?
Yes.
Because they're both very masculine.
Right.
So they kind of hit dicks, you know?
What happened?
Too much?
No, they hit him with the, you know, they hit him with the... It's a pistol whip.
That's what I meant.
I thought it was... Pistol whip's a good name.
I thought the sheriff robber was just... It's not!
...a good roleplay.
Dueling pistols!
Dueling pistols is fantastic.
Low noon!
No, dos pistolas.
Dos pistolas.
Why Spanish?
I'm so turned on right now.
Hang him low.
Hang him low.
I thought I was straight.
Yes.
There are a lot of different great titles.
Unforgiven because it's an abomination.
Well, that's also true.
It's just too long.
What are you, a Christian?
Tombstone because of AIDS.
Yes.
You didn't hit the West in the 80s.
I'll be your monkey pox.
I will say this, if you're wearing a cowboy hat, and you're not from Texas, and you're not a real cowboy, you're gay.
That's the rule!
It's not official, it's a bylaw.
It's a bylaw.
It's a bylaw!
Get your words right.
Okay, sorry, it's a bylaw.
It's not a rule, it's a bylaw.
You don't want to get tuckered.
So the film is directo, uh, director, directo.
Whatever, I don't care.
Directo, no caro.
Directo is Spanish for director.
Yes, because the film will make no dinero.
So, the director, Pedro Almodóvar.
Almodóvar.
He's a great director, actually.
I don't care.
I've seen all his movies.
He pushed back on the comparisons to Brokeback Mountain, saying, it, meaning Brokeback Mountain, is animalistic.
And for me, it was impossible to have that in the movie, because it was a Hollywood movie.
You could not have these two guys effing all the time.
I mean, that seems self-explanatory.
I don't know about the parental advisory, but you just can't have two cowboys having sex all movie.
Not close-up on sodomy there.
Right, you would think so.
Well, also, I just don't necessarily think that most people would want it.
But I don't know.
I'm not a focus group.
Can we get Frank Luntz in here with his shitty sneakers and toupee?
Yeah, I don't know.
All right, how many hands want to see gay cowboy sex, okay?
Okay, no hands.
None.
No hands went up.
No, not at all.
My hand went halfway up because I'm repressed.
Yes.
All right, so speaking of all of the homosexual intercourse and the cowboy... By the way, before I do this, did you want this?
Comment below and you can hit the like button, you can share if you're on Rumble, all this stuff, whatever, you know, the thing to help with the algorithm.
Did you want this?
Are you sure about that gay sex?
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT GAY SEX?!
So, since this film is all about sodomy, it's time for this week's 7 Plus 1.
You forgot Sivan in the chamber!
Oh my gosh, we have so much stuff that we didn't get to today.
We did.
Hopefully you guys understand.
We had to go through the tuckers.
We have a special guest still coming later, so I'm excited about that.
You told me not to.
Anyways.
We have to do that.
7 plus 1.
This is this week's 7 plus 1 things progressives say before and possibly during sex.
Number 7, Brian Callan, let's kick this off.
Be gentle, I haven't decided if this is rape yet.
Oh yeah, that's a... I think we need a little more volume on the 7 plus 1 there.
7 plus 1 things progressives say before, during, potentially after sex.
Number 6, get ready to do some reparations because I'm about to check your privilege.
7 plus 1 things progressives say during sex.
Number 5.
Okay, the safe word has to be something we'd never use in normal life.
Let's go with quarterly earnings.
Or Fauci.
7 plus 1 things progressives say during sex.
Gerald, number 4.
My apologies.
Well, that just seems something you say in general.
7 plus 1 things that progressives say during sex.
Number 3, Brian.
Don't worry, it happens to a lot of zis.
Z's!
Z's, sorry.
Oh my word!
I'm sorry I'm not up on all this gender terminology, liberals.
Go yell into your cowboy hat.
Echo, echo, echo.
Don't worry, it happens to lots of Z's.
Number two!
Screw that.
Number two, say my name, brand of FDA approved medical dilator.
That's just something, it's really more of a precautionary step.
Wow.
Yeah, I use poppers.
I use poppers.
Alright, sorry.
And the seven plus with the number one thing that progressives say during, before, potentially after sex.
Number one, Brian Callan.
Is that a prosthetic?
Non-functioning, surgically attached phallus in your pocket?
Are you just happy to see me?
Yeah, see, I just... I wrote that one and I wanted to see how you... Thank you for that tongue twister.
It's very tough to... On the fly, yeah.
I knew that was one that probably I should have done.
Doesn't roll off the tongue.
But I wanted to see you... Yeah.
You wanted to see me screw it up again?
No, no, I wanted to see how her, you know, and I, um, you know...
I always say, do you mind keeping your mask on?
Yes, yes, exactly.
And then I use a pillow.
The thing about your mask is it's my pillow.
And then I one flew over the cuckoo's nest.
I haven't been vaccinated.
Yes, that's what I always say right before.
Into your hat and it says vaccinated, vaccinated, vaccinated.
And the plus one thing that progressives say during sex, nothing.
They just speak the language of sweet tears and regret.
That has been this week's 7 Plus 1.
You forgot Sivan in the chamber!
Oh, I completely forgot about this.
We're going to be taking your chat.
It's Chat Thursday.
We had so much to get to on China, Zelensky, but hey, you know what?
Look, do me a favor.
If you are okay sometimes when we dive into one topic more, when it's very topical and we have a lot to say, comment.
Comment below.
Let us know because we always try and hit what is the news of the day, but sometimes, you know, we want to make sure that we do a little bit more of the ins and outs.
But I have not forgotten, by the way, about the Dalai Lama and that whole tongue thing.
It's been on my mind all week.
Another thing that I noticed, though, most importantly with the Dalai Lama, is that he didn't even shave right.
Look at this.
Wow.
Look at all of that stubble, but we took care of it, so let's get the Dalai Lama in here.
Alright, so Mr. Lama, thank you for coming in.
For starters, keep the tongue in your mouth.
Hello, Steven.
I see that you had a little trouble with your stubble there before, but now it's completely clean-shaven.
How'd you take it off?
Ancient Tibetan proverb says that a shorn scrotum brings enlightened growth.
Yeah, but I was talking about your head, though.
I shorn that too, but there's no proverb for that.
No.
Manscaped!
Oh, he's got the Lawnmower 4.0!
It really does get the job done.
And by the way, it's a good time to get it with the hefty tax refund that's headed your way.
You get 20% off, free shipping with the code CROWDER20 at manscaped.com.
Taxes?
Get out of here you bald tongue sucking freak!
Oh my gosh.
Hold on a second.
Yeah, do you have the weed whacker?
What is this?
Yeah.
I need to... Do you do the nose hair?
I do.
I never did it before until someone said, that's gross.
I don't even know.
Jill, I don't want all your stupid electronics.
That's good stuff though.
That's why I use Manscaped.
So if you were to cover me in oil, I'd slip right out of your hands.
Really?
That's cheating and grappling competition, by the way.
I know.
I can't get you in an inverted heel hook when you're all oily.
I know.
And I wrestle with no clothes on.
It's an advantage.
If I get in a fight, I take my clothes off.
It's like Turkish oil wrestling.
I know all about it.
It's an actual sport.
I know it.
I know it.
I lived it.
That's how I got myself through college.
Turkish oil wrestling.
No, it's an actual sport.
Like, oh yes, we see the Greco-Roman.
It's about, okay, no leg attacks.
We need to add greased up nipples.
That's right.
Big guys.
Big oil and mustaches.
That's all I see.
Oil and mustaches.
But you know what?
They trim their nose hair.
Yeah.
I didn't realize how hairy this was until I started trimming it.
Oh, it's called the Weed Whacker 2.0, but the trimmer is the 4.0.
And by the way, they have the balls to sponsor this show.
Manscaped.com.
You get 20% off.
You know what?
I will say this.
I had a really expensive barbershop trimmer.
And I will say, the battery lasts longer because it's big.
But the one thing about the Manscaped beard trimmer now is you can actually wash it under running water, which is so much more convenient.
Well, it's got the light, so that's pretty cool.
I don't know what trimmer is better than the next one.
Does it trim the beard?
Great.
Can I rinse it off quickly?
It works.
I don't think we're going to be covering any of the stories today, are we?
No.
Because we do have that exclusive call between Sheesh and Bank.
We do, but we'll cover that next week.
And Zelinsky.
Okay, we have a lot to cover next week, including the ESG.
Go to briancallin.com.
What's your upcoming show, Brian?
I'm going to be at Port Charlotte, right outside of Fort Myers.
Great.
Right in the middle of my promo.
Unbelievable.
My comedy's too dangerous.
Go to Rumble.
Go to Rumble.
He's the most dangerous man in comedy.
Most dangerous man in comedy.
And then I got this... His file's a mile long.
That sounds like... It's the green file.
It's the guy from Jaws.
His file's so long it needs a last meal.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Listen, it's great.
We've all been traveling a lot.
A lot.
A lot.
All right, so bryancallum.com.
I'll see you there, bryancallum.com.
Port Charlotte, Florida, May 5th, May 6th.
And you know what?
We are going to be talking.
You know what?
Here, let's talk about the Zelinsky and Xi Jinping call.
We're going to continue this because we have the exclusive audio of the phone call, but exclusively.
And by the way, if you are not a member, If you're on Rumble right now, you go right down there, click that button, and you get to watch another 45 minutes to hour of show, depending on how exhausted Brian Callan is.
This man doesn't sleep.
He lives a very full life.
Right now, thank you Rumble.
YouTube, you can piss off.
Wait, wait, wait!
We also have a Friday show tomorrow, of course, so people need to know.
Friday show, Nick DiPaolo show, Brian Callan special.
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