All Episodes
Previous Next
Dec. 5, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:09:38
YE CALLS OUT ELON MUSK FOR BEING A CHINESE CLONE! | Louder with Crowder
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
If the government knew that climate change was real, starting as far back as 1980, NASA was reporting it. And
the private sector knew it. We've got to come out and talk about it.
Boy, that b***h sure can talk.
Yeah, it's like we get it.
Twelve years, famines, pestilence.
I mean, get a new thing, lady.
Yeah.
Alright, well, uh, I guess check back tomorrow and see if God protects her or whatever.
Sunrise o'clock!
Alright, see ya.
Pull, pull, pull, pull him under.
angemintro You're a strange animal that's what i know
You're a strange animal i've come to follow You're a strange animal i've come to follow
You're a strange animal i've come to follow slurping noises
mmm laughing
ah ahoy
All right.
I can't hear anything in my headphones.
I now understand what Stephen's complaining about.
He keeps them really low.
He does.
He doesn't want to blow his ears out.
Oh, I have man ears.
All right, today is going to be an exciting day.
We're going to be talking a lot.
We're going to talk about Elon Musk.
Is he Chinese?
Oh my goodness.
Balenciaga update involves a penis nosed owl.
Seriously.
I know, they're on back order.
I've been waiting.
Media reports fake news on Iran.
There's also a heartwarming story of a Canadian woman offered assistance by the government.
And Mug Club, we're going to be playing They Don't Make Them Like They Used To, a little Sean Connery 007 edition.
And also, question of the day, on a scale of 1 to 10, how insane do you think Ye is?
Ye, whatever, Kanye West.
How insane do you think Kanye West is after seeing his appearance on Alex Jones?
We'll know, because Alex Jones will actually be here tomorrow.
Tomorrow!
If you can make Alex Jones feel uncomfortable on the show, you're like, okay, you must be saying something spicy.
He was laughing in discomfort, and it was fun to watch.
He filed for bankruptcy the very next day.
I don't think the timing had anything to do with it.
I'm sure it was a blow to the ego.
But you can see me December 16th and 17th at the Funny Bone in Syracuse, New York.
And the other thing is this weekend I'll be at the Comedy Castle in Detroit.
So come out.
They do have a castle in Detroit.
They have a few castles.
They do.
But before we get into this, let's go ahead.
Gerald A., how are you doing today?
I'm well, sir.
How are you?
I'm alive!
That was the finishing leg of the Fall Tour, the Rebels With a Cause Tour.
It was amazing.
The people in Jersey and Baltimore were absolutely incredible.
Awesome!
I can't thank you guys enough for coming out and supporting, and everybody here who has supported us this whole tour, thank you so much.
It means the world to us, it really does.
Except, you know, one player we don't want to talk about.
No, every place was good.
Every place was fun.
Token Nowin, how are you?
Ahoy, Dave.
Ahoy to you.
Akuza?
Good morning.
That's better.
Tim the Toolman?
Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
He was with us all weekend.
Yeah, somebody actually gave me this hat.
Oh, really?
In Jersey.
He was operating the spot.
Oh, that's awesome.
Square it up to the camera, let's read that.
Let's pull it up.
Don't blame me, I voted for Trump.
I like it.
And someone gave us some stuff, too.
Herpes?
Yeah, I have that as well.
We'll save that discussion for another day.
Yeah, we'll save that discussion for another day.
Warts.
Anyway.
And we also have one of my favorite people, Crawdaddy.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing great, David.
Thank you.
Yes, you were also on the tour with us this weekend.
I was, and everyone slept in the plane, but you and I sat up and talked.
So you crapped out on me eventually and snored.
I passed out for like a good 20 minutes.
That's right.
But I woke up just to hear the stories of the people that had been on the plane recently and I liked that.
You were very confused when you woke up.
Yes.
It was like George Clooney in Old Brother We're Out There.
My hair!
Where did I go?
I thought I was just eating cheese a minute ago.
Where's my dapper Dan?
People love taking photos with you.
You know, the odd photo.
I mean, come on.
You guys take thousands.
Yeah, but then they're like, is that Crawdaddy?
Get in his photo!
Or they run to you to take the picture.
They love you.
I like how Steven called you out in Baltimore because he saw your silhouette.
I was standing right behind Tim.
Yeah.
Half a mile from the stage.
He said, get, get, He literally just saw your outline and was like, get out of there!
Get out of my eyeline!
And John bailed on me.
Just took off and I'm left... Holding the bag.
Yes.
It was fun.
No, these fans are great though.
They are such great people and I love to see how they interact with you guys and they're just so fiercely loyal.
It's great.
They really are nice people, and we had Thomas Finnegan smoking a cigarette in every historic theater, so that was important.
This place was built in 1898, and he lights up.
Yep.
It's an addiction, Darren.
I mean, let's be gentle.
Yeah, you can't get through an eight minute set.
So let's talk about this.
This year is 2022.
That's a good intro.
Which means people are getting more insane by the day.
Here we have a female TikToker who's growing out of her body hair?
Growing out her body hair.
I saw an of that wasn't there.
It's gonna be fun today.
I know!
I have LASIK, but I also get starbursts.
We were talking about this, so everything to me has a glare.
Oh no.
Yeah.
Christmas lights must kill you.
Oh, they're fun though.
If my HPPD kicks in, it's like a little acid trip.
Well, you're too young for reading glasses yet.
You don't need them to read.
Not yet.
I'm definitely gonna need them, though.
It's a good trade-off.
Distance vision with LASIK for the... Deal.
But now they can do the whole bionic eye thing with the new lens, so... I don't know if I'm there yet, but I did do the laser thing and everybody's like, a laser in your eyes?
And I'm like, it's awesome.
It's a piece of cake.
Yeah.
I think mine took six minutes.
And then after that, you sleep for eight hours and it's done.
The greatest recoup time ever.
You can get LASIK by me at daveslasik.com.
He's a professional.
Yes.
Well, I try.
Professional what?
Don't worry about it.
I will fix your eyes.
Thanks for that, Casey.
Here's a female TikToker who's growing out her body hair and wants you to know about it.
Wow, you're so observant.
Yeah, I do have belly hair.
I also have armpit hair.
Back hair.
Zip it!
Leg hair.
And arm hair.
So she's Italian.
I don't really have a mustache or a unibrow though.
But anyway, my body just does this thing naturally where it like grows hair and then I don't do anything about it because there's no rule saying that you have to.
Gross.
That's a treasure trail because it doesn't go up to her mouth.
It goes the other way.
She also has up-talk.
Everything's a question.
There's no law that says I have to have no body hair.
Yeah, but, you know, shave it.
I mean, having a little bit of arm hair, okay, fine.
I don't think that's a big deal.
No.
The chest, belly, like, the trail hair, I'm like, ah, that's a little weird.
Well, you're doing it deliberately.
You're wearing a shirt that shows off that particular area of the body and then you're complaining that people notice that you're like, hey!
Are you French, Italian, something?
Where they have hair all over the place?
And she's just like, no, I'm a dick.
No, I'm just single.
You're a little Austin Powers tuft.
Yes, she has a giant, just Burt Reynolds.
Carpet mane.
Just a bearskin rug of a cleavage.
I don't understand the virtue in it, I guess.
Just don't be pissed off that people are like, that's a little weird.
Which is why, young lady, we're sending you a free manscape.
Yes!
There you go!
You can enjoy that and stop grossing out your boyfriend this holiday season.
But wait!
Kids and a family, here you go!
Yes, also... Also, good news, men are disgusting and don't really care.
If they're drunk enough, you're drunk enough, you're gonna get banged.
Alright!
I'm just being honest.
Like, if I was hammered in high school, like, that girl looks like she's probably in college.
And somebody was like, I have some chest hair and pit hair.
I'd be like, whatever.
I do shave my forearms, though.
That's the bridge to fuck.
Yes, this one's here.
This is bulimia.
Looking like a gorilla.
Yeah.
My bulimia arm.
Ah, good old... She's quarter Sasquatch is what happened.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, good luck to her.
I think you're going to make a man very miserable.
Yes.
On Friday night, Elon Musk dropped a slew of files that showed Democrats directly colluding with Twitter to censor information they didn't like.
This was huge.
It was massive.
I was watching the whole thing.
It was five o'clock Friday.
Yeah.
Yeah, they announced via Twitter the thread that Matthew, is it Tiabi?
Tiabi.
Tiabi.
Yeah, I had to ask for pronunciation clarification as well.
Yeah, but he put it all out there.
More expected to be released today.
We'll be covering that tomorrow when Stephen's back at the desk.
And, of course, on that interview will be none other than Alex Jones.
Yes, and we're going to do a deep dive because, like you said, there's more coming out today.
Our guys are going through every single piece of information they can possibly go through to get all of the details.
I know everybody wants to talk about this story, and we should because it shows Dems being caught red-handed.
It also leads to some shenanigans with Trump that we'll talk about tomorrow and his response to all of this.
So, stay tuned for that.
It's really fascinating just what came out on how corrupt this is.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's beautiful to see.
Well, and it's the response from everybody, one, going after this guy and two, kind of saying that this is really nothing.
It's just all penis pics of Hunter Biden.
I'm like, OK, yeah, you didn't read any of this because James Woods didn't send a penis pic.
And that's not why he was asked to be removed.
So, yeah, you're going to end up in some really interesting legal.
He's going to sue the DNC.
Yes.
He hopes enough people draft in behind him.
I'm sure he's looking at a class action.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
He can't afford to do that.
They'd wear him out.
Oh, for sure.
Yeah, I bet Merrick Garland's gonna take swift action.
Yes, he'll do right on that.
He's a go-getter.
I'm so glad he's not on the Supreme Court.
We did good on that one.
Doesn't he have to keep things frozen this winter?
God, he's an awful... Anyway!
Today, though, we're gonna talk a little bit more about Elon Musk, if you guys want.
Sunday, on his Instagram, Kanye West hypothesized that Elon Musk is actually a Chinese hybrid experiment.
Allegedly!
He put out some lovely little messages such as, Am I the only one who thinks Elon could be half Chinese?
Have you ever seen his pics as a child?
Oh boy.
Boy, this guy likes to triple down.
Yeah, he does.
All caps, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh yes, the all caps.
Stop yelling, Grandpa.
Also, he wrote, Take a Chinese genius and mate them with a South African supermodel, and you have Elon.
That's not a bad, anyway.
No, so far so good on that.
Yeah, I mean, I'd be like, sure, I'll take that.
Yeah.
You're saying that, yeah, I'm a hot man.
We have an Elon.
He said we have an Elon.
Yes.
Because the next part is where, you know, you thought this was crazy to begin with.
Well, that's when he says that, uh, I say an Elon because they probably made 10 to 30 Elons and he's the first genetic hybrid that stuck.
Well, let's not forget about Obama.
It's science.
So I was like, oh, okay, so he thinks a Chinese spy, or a brilliant Chinese person, not a spy, mated with a South... Okay, yeah, fine.
And that's nice because he's smart and he looks good.
That's what he's saying.
And then he's like, no, you're like part of a hybrid project that's from a dystopian movie that we've watched where most people didn't survive, but you finally did.
Right.
Well, and if you want, go ahead and comment.
Do you think there's a lot of truth to this?
I mean, you're an idiot, but go ahead and comment.
Wait, make sure you... You know, once you start saying the qualities of Hitler, people don't listen to you anymore.
No, they shouldn't.
It's really just the truth.
If you think this is all true, just let us know so that we can mark you.
Yeah, just... I want to know where you are at all times.
So I can stay away from there, wherever there is.
Lord, was that something.
Anyway, speaking of Obama, Elon responded to this claim on his Twitter, saying, I take that as a compliment.
Ah, look at that.
There we go.
I can see that.
That's nice.
Kanye then screencapped the tweet and posted it on his Instagram with the reply, it was meant as a compliment, my friend.
Now Obama, on the other hand.
Dun, dun, dun.
Again, it would seem like trolling had it not been for the Hitler outburst.
Well, you know.
All right.
So bad.
I'm going to go ahead and say this, and I know it takes some guts, guys.
Takes some guts.
Go for it.
Not a fan of Hitler.
Nor should you be.
I thought he was bad.
How about Nazis?
I hate Nazis.
Yeah, me too.
I don't see the point.
See, that was pretty simple, right?
You're kind of supporting a party that's been dead for some time.
I think it's ridiculous.
If you consider yourself one, you're a silly Billy, I'll say it.
Stronger words.
Don't let my silence mean anything other than you guys are doing fine with this.
Okay, I'm just glad that you're here.
Look, you don't have to speak up.
Touche, I agree.
What a stupid thing to side with, though.
Somebody's like, yeah, good qualities.
Hit the like button, of course, if you don't like Hitler.
I think that's important.
Let us know who you really are.
Don't be afraid, guys.
Let's do this.
It's about time.
Take the hard stand.
He gets his comeuppance.
Now, after Connie's appearance on Alex Jones, it's pretty clear Ye is insane.
But he might not be completely wrong about Elon being part Chinese.
Elon actually sent us some exclusive footage of him addressing the claims.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Eloma...
Uh...
Mmm...
Money!
Money!
Give to ya!
That was actually three million dollars and he didn't even pick it up.
No.
You don't pick up pocket change.
No, you drop a nickel.
You're like, eh, I'll just leave it.
That's for the birds.
Yeah, some poor unfortunate soul come along and pick that up and have a better day.
Yes.
And if you're wondering about Yee's Obama comments, I don't know if it's yee or yay.
If it's y-e, it's yee.
I'm not calling it yay because that's not how it's spelled.
It needs an accent that they have in some languages.
Maybe an umlaut?
Oh boy.
So if you're- what?
What, is that racist?
It's an umlaut.
It's the two prongs.
Is that what that is?
It's the two O things above the O. The umlaut.
In French, it's an accent aigu, which means it goes A instead of E. In English, it's an I don't give a damn.
Yeah, there's a great document called American Movie where the guy calls the movie Coven, but he puts an umlaut over the O, and one of the actresses is like, well, so it's Coven.
And he's like, no, it's Coven, like witch.
He goes, yeah, but you put an umlaut over the O, so it's Coven.
You've been waiting to use that reference.
That's the only reason I know what an umlaut is.
What do you think I learned in school?
And if you're wondering about Ye's Obama comments, we've actually obtained an unedited photo that the former president doesn't want you to see.
I lost it, here we go.
We had some gremlins in the system this morning.
Oh good, I'm glad that was my face before that went up.
According to Morgan Stanley, to a Morgan Stanley analyst, one half of Tesla's profitability comes from the Chinese market.
Oh, a wet market?
No, a different market.
Oh, do they have dries?
They do.
So the thing is, he's maybe not ethnically Chinese, but he is beholden, it seems, to China in a lot of ways.
So we've touted him as being this free speech advocate, and that's right.
He's done some great things for that.
But there are some shortcomings, and this is something that we always do.
We did it with Donald Trump.
We do it with everybody.
Even if we love you, if you're not kind of doing some things that you should be doing, like speaking out on protests or something like that, then we're going to call you out just a little bit on that.
And so that's why we're covering these things.
He depends on a lot of his profit to come from China.
So is it a surprise that he's been a little silent on things that are happening?
Yeah, well, in January, Telsa even opened a showroom in, uh, somebody else say that.
Xinjiang?
Yep.
I think that's close.
That's fair, right?
Xinjiang?
Yeah.
In ZigZag?
I don't think it's that.
I don't know.
You're gonna put an X and not the word men after it, you've lost me.
Lane's losing his mind over that pronunciation.
Oh, I know he is, yeah.
Well, Lane has a very good education.
I have an eighth grade education, so whoop-dee-doo, Lane.
Whoop-dee-doo.
Whoop-dee-doo.
Just because you're smarter than me doesn't mean you're smarter than me.
Musk... Musk has also praised China for their progress in, uh... Oh, there's a word over that.
Sustainable energy.
That's a select all.
That joke's only for us.
I know.
Do we have the overlay there in the sustainable energy?
Ah!
Few seem to realize that China is leading the world in renewable energy generation and electric vehicles.
Whatever you may think of China, this is simply a fact.
It's cool, right?
Yeah.
You like China?
It's also a fact that when you fly in, there's a gray-brown cloud over the mainland as you're coming off the ocean.
Yeah, just like LAX used to be.
I don't know if it's still that way, but, uh... What, you mean like Jersey was this weekend?
Well, there you go.
No offense, guys.
No offense, but, uh, it's, you know, get some big fans or something.
Blow it into New York if you have to.
Oh my god, it's just a... it's all these chemical plants.
It's just... Pete, you're all gonna... you're gonna die.
There's so much pollutants.
I mean, eventually.
Well, we're all gonna die eventually.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I mean, if a meteor was coming, it's not even the worst news we would have today.
That's true.
No one's getting out of here alive today.
No.
That's what I've always said.
That's what the doctor told me last week.
He said, especially you.
Then we kissed.
Did I reread this?
Hope not.
China is the world's top polluter.
Yeah, no shit.
Sorry.
And it's responsible for the same amount of carbon emissions as the next four countries combined.
USA, Indiana, Russia, and Japan.
Uh, just, uh, Indiana is a state.
India.
Which Dave knows.
In fairness, Joe, Indiana, though, equally as dirty as India.
I don't know if you knew that.
Well, that's pretty close.
Yeah, so, I don't know why I just said Indiana.
With slightly less population.
Yeah, that's true.
Cricket's not as big in Indiana, though.
No, no.
Bigger crickets.
They're more into basketball and football.
No, I like parts of Indiana.
Part of it's nice, just because there's Indian people from there watching and I want to perform there.
But no, your state's great.
We had a great show there.
We did, though, didn't we?
Yeah, those people were awesome.
I do like Indianans.
Is that what they call them?
Indians?
I don't think it's that.
Whatever it is.
They would be Indians.
In Indiana.
Indianans?
It's got to be because it's Indian.
No.
Oh really?
Because they didn't just add an A, Gerald?
We're going to get our team on that.
We're going to find out what people from India... Hoosiers!
Hoosiers, I knew that.
But back to the stat, that is pretty amazing.
Look at those countries on that list.
And all together.
Yeah, because China doesn't sign on to these climate agreements, and everybody's like, well, we're committed to doing this.
It's like, number one accounts for one through five.
Nobody else matters if they sign on to this list.
Switzerland's like, yes, we signed on, and we're like, oh, thank you.
Yeah, we appreciate that.
It's going to make a big difference.
Well, yeah, USA, India, which is extremely polluted, Russia, and Japan, which is very industrial.
Yeah, I couldn't believe Japan was number five, but maybe scale.
That's incredible, though.
I mean, that's a lot of, I mean, Greta Thunberg should go over there.
She should go to China!
Yeah, go give Russia a bit of lip.
Yeah, stop giving us a hard time.
Yeah, we're trying.
What's this?
Hoosiers.
I know it's Hoosiers, but, I mean, is it Indianans?
We're Texans.
That's it.
That's it.
Oh, they go with Hoosiers.
Can you call someone from Indiana Hoosiers?
Oh, that would make sense.
Not even related to their name, but fine.
I'm gonna go Indianans and change it.
Oklahomans, they're also Sooners.
I'm saying it can be both.
Is that true?
They're also Shockers.
Yeah.
Is there an Indiana State University?
It's a community college.
It's in Erie.
Andi is from Indiana.
That's right.
And she said we never say Indianans.
It's because it doesn't exist as a word.
I'm from Michigan.
It's right there.
We've never called it that.
Michiganders?
Michiganders.
That's great.
Michigangsters.
That's a nice handle.
Michigangsters.
But Indiana means land of Indians.
Yeah!
See how uncreative the name was?
They're like, it's just Saturday, so it's not offensive.
They'll have to change their name next census.
We've spent way too much time on that.
Well, I don't think we did.
I think everybody learned a little something today about Indiana.
In a nutshell, China pollutes and they buy a lot of electric cars.
Yes, in a nutshell, China's a terrible place.
Not that I've been.
I'm sure that there's parts that are lovely.
There's a wall I hear that's great.
74,000 babies die in the womb a year in China from population pollution.
I'm kind of retarded.
I didn't sleep well.
You know, I'm not the only one who was on tour.
Yes, let me re-read that sentence because it was so joyous.
64,000 babies die in the womb a year in China due to pollution.
That's insane.
That is a lot.
We complain about the pollution obviously.
How do you prove that?
Freda Thunberg.
That is tough.
It's called science!
We're not in the 1920s where you take a guess at how people get sick.
Why baby die?
Pollution.
What?
Maybe have a black lung.
I keep throwing my plastic bottles away.
Uhhh...
Littering killed your baby.
What?
Yeah.
How do you prove that?
I do want to see Elon speak out a little bit about the protests.
I don't think he's mentioned it at all yet.
And this is a bit of a failing, right?
Because there's some protests over what's going on there, especially as it relates to production and COVID policies and people being put in internment camps and people being potentially killed or not rescued in fires, sorry.
People being welded into their apartments.
Like, it's probably one of those things that we should comment on, even if you have business interests there.
But what's the good news?
The good news?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to make it light.
Well, the good news is he's doing something fantastic with the Twitter files.
He's opening these things up.
He's allowing people back onto the platform.
And by the way, this is not a complete amnesty.
You get to say whatever you want from here on out thing.
It's come back to the platform, play by the rules of the platform that will be open this time and fair.
And if you can, then you can stay on.
Right?
I like it.
That's what he's saying.
And I think that's 100% reasonable.
But he is missing an opportunity, I think, to call something out.
Now, he doesn't have to speak on every single issue.
I get it.
But this is one of the biggest issues in the world that every single major corporation that we've talked about, including the NBA, is silent on and actually silencing people, fining coaches for talking about it, removing fans that were talking about Hong Kong and held up signs.
Somebody just needs to stand up and say, this is bad.
Right?
Or give them all star links so that they can communicate with us without having to go through the Chinese Communist Party.
I agree.
I have a Detroit Pistons watch.
I still like basketball, but you guys are really starting to upset me.
You put your fist down.
Wow, Dave.
Easy.
Listen, they're calling a meeting right now, Dave.
I know.
They're like, this guy right here.
It's because they don't want me to play.
That's right.
Because I'm short.
I can't do it.
But have you ever seen me dunk?
Yeah, you have.
You're nuts, but no one has ever seen you dunk.
Ever.
Nobody!
I tried to do it on my son's Fisher-Price rim and I broke my knee.
Ugh.
You gotta go with Little Tikes.
Yeah, I went Little Tikes.
I got myself a pair of Jordans.
I jumped a quarter inch in the air.
It was impressive.
And a trampoline and dunked.
If I could dunk on a trampoline, I wouldn't be here right now.
I would be at my house, dunking on a trampoline.
All day.
Jumping on a Little Tikes backboard.
Yeah!
Oh, I would school my son when he was like three.
I'd be like, BAM!
Out of my house!
And then Trash Talk.
No, sadly he's a better athlete than me by a lot now.
He's already going into travel, like baseball and stuff, where that wasn't even close.
They'd like me to travel out of right field and ride the bench if they could've.
No, I sucked.
I did too.
At baseball?
A little bit.
Really?
I was okay.
Did you get beaned a lot because you're so tall?
Well, I leaned into the pitches so that I could walk.
Did you ever charge the plate?
The mound?
Yeah.
No, I wasn't a fighting kid.
Oh, I charged the plate.
I charged the mound.
I got beaned and I ran and I hit the guy in the leg and then everybody dragged me off of him.
With the bat?
Yeah.
You're supposed to throw the bat!
Well, he hit me on purpose and I chased after him and then the refs and my dad and other parents grabbed me.
So it was like the end of casino for you?
Beating the crap out of a guy?
Yeah, he was fat and I kept calling him Pie.
That was his nickname.
Well, that was his nickname to me.
So when I got him to pad, he hit me with a ball.
That's awesome.
Oh, it was fun.
I don't think Little League pitchers have that kind of control.
They don't.
No, this was probably when we were like 14.
Or Velocity.
Yeah, they probably do that.
Yeah, yeah.
It was intentional.
Yeah, it would have hit him harder if they hadn't gotten my shoulder.
Anyway.
So let's talk about this, though.
Do you guys wear Balenciaga?
No.
No?
Really?
I'd never heard of it until this story.
I'm not gonna lie.
Well, what's amazing is there's an outfit that, I don't know what you call it, I'm trying, an outfit that Kim Kardashian's wearing where she's wearing all black with a face mask and all that.
That's what Kanye's wearing on the Alex Jones interview.
Yeah.
Is this Balenciaga?
Can we pull that picture of, it's Kim?
Kim.
Kim Kardashian.
Ah, yes.
One of those degenerates wearing the thing.
Yeah.
Well, there's so many in the family, it's hard to distinguish.
Yes.
Gerald's playing dumb.
He knows all the Kardashians.
Yeah, he watches every episode.
Oh, he loves them all.
He knows the half-Kardashians, too.
Yep.
There are half-Kardashians?
See?
Oh, so that's what Kanye was wearing, yes.
Yeah, basically that.
Huh.
That's stylish.
If you want to, I don't know, cut someone's ankles off while they're tied to a chair.
There you go.
Yeah, they're pure Kardashians, and then those are half Caitlyn Jenner.
Those are full... They're sharp gals.
Yeah, this is a great thing I'm a part of.
See?
Look at that.
That's my dad.
Who wore it better, guys?
None of this world makes sense right now.
Hey Kim, it's Kanye.
Can I borrow your face mask thing?
Yeah!
Come on, where'd you get it?
Balenciaga?
So, uh, Demi, uh, Giversiagla... He's the, he's the, uh, Balenciaga creative designer, uh, who came up with the Kids Bondage Bear campaign.
I don't know if you guys remember that.
He apologized for it by saying it was inappropriate to have kids promote objects that had nothing to do with them.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on.
That's his bar? Yeah, so it was two things. One, it was inappropriate.
Inappropriate is not the right word. It was absolutely evil, demonic, and abhorrent of me
to allow a child to be in an ad, and let me just read the last part, instead of objects that had
nothing to do with them, with bears in leather, whatever stuff that is, it's just bondage bears,
really? Like you're gonna have bondage bears and children.
This is not objects that had nothing to do with them. This is not like a Pepsi bottle sitting over
on the side nightstand, and it was like, oh that doesn't really have anything to do with that.
It was bondage bears in their hands.
Just say that. You've never gone to build a bear and added nipple clamps?
I didn't realize that was an option.
Nope.
And these bears came with a shiny red ball.
Yes they did.
They were like Teddy Rocksman except there was a gag ball in his mouth.
I thought that was the nose.
Like the reindeer nose?
That's not what it was?
No, it was a gag.
It was a gag, yeah.
Gotcha.
So instead of it saying, I love you, it was that safety order's banana.
So it goes... By the way, Kim Kardashian does a lot of black mask face.
Here's another one.
Wow, that's crazy.
Is that her?
Yeah.
That's stupid.
Who's the mannish one?
The younger one?
I shouldn't say mannish.
Maybe that's rude.
Well, in today's time, it could be descriptive.
Who knows?
I don't care.
We're not going to get into who's who.
Don't get into the Kardashians.
Some of them are cute!
Sure!
They're crazy!
Yeah!
It's a woman!
I'm joking, ladies.
I didn't mean that kind of crazy!
I meant more!
I love the women, alright?
I'm not here to tell you.
I think you're equal.
Oh, nothing?
All right.
We're gonna leave you on that branch by yourself.
Boy, I really appreciate that, guys.
Nobody jumping in.
Twist.
Just twisting that win.
Did you ever buy anything from Balenciaga?
No, I wouldn't know where to find them, Dave.
Face mask, or purse, or... Bondage bear.
The kid's shoes.
All right, so, but it turns out the CEO of Balenciaga's parent company, Francois-Henri Pinot... Pinot.
Oh, I'm sorry, do you wanna, because you're a wine homo, do you wanna go ahead and read that?
I knew that one from Wine, yeah.
Oh!
Please, Gerald, go ahead.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, please.
He owns a company that sells child, get this, I thought this was fake, child sex mannequins with penises on their face.
Look at that.
That really puts the pedo in your pedo.
Guys, I've been in locker rooms that would make guys blush with that kind of stuff.
This is normal life today.
I can't believe you would sell that.
Well, putting it on an adult would be dumb and stupid and all of the other words that you can think that mean the same thing.
It would be bad enough, but you put it on a child.
Like, why in the world does anybody think that this is a reasonable thing to do?
You're just like, lie to me.
Lie to me, but no accusing thing.
That means the story's so much different now.
That's all it is though.
It's Pinocchio, but they made it a penis.
Yeah.
Which is, I'm sure, the fantasy of a lot of people.
Have a penis for a nose?
No!
To have a kid that they made with one that they wanted to be a real boy.
You can get mad at me all you want!
What do you think that's a parody of?
Yeah, exactly.
I'm not saying that... I think the guy should be murdered who invented it.
I mean, not murdered.
I shouldn't say that because you can't be on the show.
Career-wise, he should be murdered and then later... murdered.
Die suddenly.
Yes, I think you should accidentally die.
Alright.
But this Francois guy is not the one who invented it, and we don't wish death on him.
No, no.
I mean, unless we have to.
Dave!
Nah, we would never do that.
Dave!
No, I think he's swell.
Shut up!
No!
Shut up!
Sorry!
His company sells kids with pieces on their nose.
It's not that I disagree.
Why do I have to pretend I like them?
You don't.
There should be very, very, very, very, very harsh penalties for things like this in our society.
You know this elf on a shelf?
Yeah.
He's listening to me and I'm gonna get more presents.
By the way, I just really quickly, my wife and I went to a mall and she saw like the Balenciaga.
She's like, how is that still up?
Somebody should paint that.
Was anybody in it?
No, I mean, it was, it was Neiman Marcus.
Oh, okay.
Neiman Marcus had a bunch of the like brand logos on the outside of the building that they're advertising.
And we just couldn't believe it.
It made my wife's first thought was criminal action.
And if you know her, it's not a character.
Yeah, that's completely out of character for my wife.
Criminal thoughts entered her mind.
That's the response everybody should have to this.
Well, yeah, and so she wanted to splash paint on it like you would someone with a fur coat?
Something like that, yeah.
We hate that stuff, right?
We hate it when people do that, but it's just like, our first reaction was, how is that even allowed to be here anymore?
Right.
Don't they know?
It's Christmas time, this place is filled with families.
Don't they know that this is going on?
Well, but look at these photos.
It's all just snake eyes from G.I.
Joe.
Like, there's not any effort going into it.
That's fair.
Perfect!
Look at that.
That's a good way to trick a guy to not knowing you have... Anyway.
Which brings us to... What?
This brings us to the 7 plus 1 rejected Balenciaga products.
You forgot Stefan in the chamber!
Yeah.
There's always one in the chamber.
Every time.
Have you noticed that?
I did.
Number seven, Don't Talk Boy.
Oh my gosh.
Gerald A. Number six, the Tickle Me Haley Joel Osman.
Number five, Crawdaddy.
Fister Potato Head.
I'll take credit.
Number four, uh, this one was actually a pretty hot seller.
She-man.
Number three, Gerald A.
Easy bake coffin.
You gotta get rid of the evidence.
I need a few light bulbs.
Yep.
Number two, Crush.
I just knew you were coming my way with the worst ones.
Pubix Cube.
Number one, the Epstein Bears.
Oh, man.
The last book you'll ever read.
And number one, or number plus one, Pog Patrol.
Oh, yeah.
And this has been 7 Plus 1.
You forgot Sivan in the chamber!
Go ahead and hit the like button if you think Hitler's bad.
Alright.
Still bad, right?
Still bad.
I'm still voting.
Still not a fan.
Still not at all a fan.
Not a big fan of Hitler.
Nazis neither.
Never had a say.
Not a lot of good qualities.
Nope.
Western media reported fake news for authoritarian regime.
Yesterday, the New York Times reported that Iran... Wait, wasn't... Do we... Iran, that's the country we bombed, right?
You know what, Dave?
Iran, not Iran.
Yeah.
Iran?
Why don't you let me take this one?
I'm gonna let you have the baby.
Yeah, okay.
Guys, I'm gay.
You're a real coward with that, you know.
You muted my mic and I can't even respond to it.
That's right.
I see how it is.
All right, so look, yesterday... You muted the mic, you just said it.
What?
No, that was not me.
That was me, but... Okay, fine.
You just said it.
Yesterday, the New York Times reported that Iran will be abolishing its so-called morality police.
Comment if you've seen this out there right now.
All of the news organizations have been covering this.
And we feel like they have been covering this incorrectly for whatever reason.
We'll get to that in just a second.
The Times actually had a headline that initially read, Iran abolishes morality police after months of protests.
Now, yes, there have been months of protests, and yes, it is because of what the morality police did.
But writers at the Times drew this conclusion from a speech that was given from Iran's attorney general.
That's funny, they have an attorney general.
That's cute.
Adorable.
I didn't know that you needed an attorney general to kill your citizens and kind of basically oppress them in several different ways.
Well, it's nice to have titles.
That's true.
His name is the Quran.
Well, his name starts with a familiar name.
Mohammed Javad Montazeri, where he said the morality police was abolished by the same authorities who installed it.
So that's what they took and ran with and basically thought, okay, well Iran is taking some positive steps here and they're going to abolish the morality police.
The only problem is It's not true, right?
Here's the actual full quote from the Iranian attorney general.
The morality police has nothing to do with the judiciary system,
the same source that created it in the past from the same place it has shut down.
Of course, the judiciary system will continue its surveillance of social behaviors across society.
In the same sentence, he basically said, yes, yes, from that same source,
it kind of shut down, but they're going to continue to monitor your behavior across society.
Well, what do you think that means?
The morality police were basically going out and making sure, for instance... Kill you?
Is that what that means?
Well, maybe.
Women were wearing the hijab, right?
Yes.
We covered something, and I don't know that we have it in here, but maybe if, you know, Control Room, if you guys can find something on this.
Do you remember when the rock climber, we, we, climber, not rock climber,
she was in a competition.
Yeah.
And she was competing for, you know, Iran.
She had to climb on short notice.
Like they said, hey, you're up now.
She didn't have the hijab on, cause she was in the back.
Right.
She had to come out and climb without it.
Well, I believe that her house has been burned to the ground now.
But I need to confirm that because I saw some reports of that.
There was some footage that was out there about that.
So yeah, they're real tolerant when women don't have head coverings.
I get it.
Cultures are different.
I'm just saying maybe don't burn down people's houses for it.
That's what a lot of people are asking for.
Isn't it hard to climb a mountain with a face covering?
She wasn't on a mountain.
No, it's hard with a full burqa.
No, it's swimming with a full burqa.
That's the really difficult one as well.
It's called a beach burka.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
So on her Twitter, journalist Nahayet T. Zuch, these are really difficult names, by the way.
Yeah, now who's stupid?
She outlined the issues with the New York Times reporting Montessori is not in charge of the regime's
morality police. I almost said mortality police. We're not talking about that.
That's what's the difference.
Montessori doesn't specify who allegedly shut down the morality police and when and how.
And Montessori promises to continue enforcement of countries' Islamic sharia laws, which we saw.
Right? So these are all kind of on the ground reporters, journalists. These are sources,
by the way, that CNN, The New York Times, Washington Post, all these different organizations
that are, you know, the trusted names in news, seeing democracy dies in darkness and trust us
above all else. This is all on the ground. And I think that's what's so interesting about this.
They could have easily gone out and done some research on this to find out.
So Iranian journalist Sana Ibrahimi described this as a propaganda effort by the regime here.
The Morality Police has not been abolished.
They have temporarily stopped working, which is a suspension, but we know for a fact it's not abolished.
They are not going to change anything.
And even if they do that, that's not what people are demanding for.
People are asking for freedom and their dignity, and they're not going to rest until then.
That's only achievable by overthrowing the regime.
They want nothing but abolishing the regime itself.
So this is just the regime propaganda that has been spread by the regime's lobby and its arms in the West.
Okay, so at the very best, this looks like a bit of propaganda.
At the very worst, she has a treasure trove.
She had some adorable dimples though.
Didn't she?
She was cute.
If you show those dimples though, you're dead.
Should we airlift Manscaped to Iran as well?
Oh yeah, we should just drop it.
You know, like a humanitarian aid kind of thing where normally it's food, but this is just Manscaped.
For sure.
Yeah, I think it's only fair.
It's not bombs!
Trust me, you'll thank us!
They all just break, so it's just an insult.
Well, I think if you drop anything out of a plane, I'm not speaking of the durability of the sponsor.
Well, it's got a parachute!
I mean, come on, we have advancements in technology.
That's true.
I do have tiny manscape parachutes I've made.
That's right.
It's your little army soldier parachutes.
I've made it out of what I shave.
This is the Dave collection.
They may need to be recharged a little more frequently.
Yes, they do.
Mine went dull very quick.
Well, you have to.
You're the guy at the end of the line testing the product every time.
Dave's shaving to see if it works.
Dave's got quite a forest.
Tropical rain, if you will.
Sparks coming out of it like Dumb and Dumber.
A grinder?
Texture of a brillo pad?
So look, there is speculation that the regime might want to distract from an upcoming planned three-day strike.
These protests are not going away.
The Iranian national soccer team, obviously we talked about them in the World Cup and the protests that they had.
So this stuff is not going away.
This is a big thorn in the side of the regime.
But it's unclear if that was necessarily a factor that was involved in this.
But the timing is kind of coincidental.
So, again, the major lobby group in the U.S.
called the National Iranian Council.
It's been characterized by protesters as an arm of the regime.
These guys may have been involved, is what I was saying there, but it's unclear.
They were instrumental in getting the Iranian nuclear deal passed, if you guys remember that.
It was basically pallets of cash, I believe, which is not the best thing to do.
It's just to buy people off and let them continue doing what they're doing unabated.
And the New York Times, to their credit, Did eventually change its headline to include the words, official says this, right?
So that's not, uh, that's, that's, they, they still didn't read the rest of the quote.
So it's, so by, by the way, can you pull that back up?
Pull the, you know, Dave would miss that says, hold on, skate right over that.
This is the brilliance, right?
This is the brilliance.
Iran abolishes morality police after months of protests.
How do you know that?
They go into it in the article that somebody would say that.
Is it normal for someone to say something that is about to happen?
Yes.
Otherwise, how do you know it?
Either it's a press release or somebody says it.
So they put in there, an official says, it's like, yes, but I already assumed that.
I already assumed somebody said that.
That's why you guys found out.
You didn't correct the story and basically say, he also said we're going to continue policing our citizens.
So it's basically the same thing, right?
We support a lot of awful people.
We do.
We have a lot of regimes that we are in bed with, or at least our media outlets don't push on quite as hard as they should.
Absolutely.
Unless it's Saudi Arabia.
That's a very good point.
Yeah, exactly.
Saudi Arabia they would absolutely go after, but Iran, for some reason, that seems to be a bit of a bridge too far.
Hit the like button, by the way, if you like us, and do not like, so we've already covered Hitler and the Nazis, but hit the like button if you don't like Iranian oppression of their citizens, maybe, and killing people for not wearing a hijab.
Yeah, go ahead, hit the like button if you don't like Iranian citizens being murdered.
Yeah, I don't.
It's kind of like the Arab Spring, you know?
Did that affect a lot of change?
Lasting change?
I don't know.
I don't know if they can be fixed.
But if we get enough likes, it'll fix nothing.
Well look, don't forget- Shows we care.
This is not- I don't think this is a coincidence.
The New York Times has carried water before for the- Look at that mustache!
I'm sorry.
That was completely out of line.
How dare you.
I could have kept that to myself, but she's interviewing a walrus.
We'd rather use a flashlight or things like that.
Oh, that's great information if there's a power outage.
Yeah, during the winter.
The flashlight will certainly keep you warm.
Yeah, that'll be good.
So you'll be frozen solid with a flashlight.
We'll know how to find you.
We'll see the flashlight pointing just in one direction.
That's good.
We'll have to wait until spring to bury you.
Do us a favor, point it up at your face and wedge it into the snow so it's like a scary flashlight-hole-lantern guy, you know?
It'd be fantastic.
You dead frozen.
That's probably what Wilford Brimley would look like had he not gotten all the betas.
The sugarfoot?
Just a healthy old foo-man-chewed fella.
Anyway, sorry I did not mean to interrupt you.
Go ahead.
I just like a good Fu Manchu.
So, do you remember the New York Times after we killed Kassim Soleimani?
Yes.
When Donald Trump- Is that LBag Daddy?
No, different guy.
Okay, same deal.
The New York Times- I bet they smelled alike.
Sorry, they tweeted this obit with this caption, Kassim Soleimani, master of Iran's intrigue and force, died.
Dies at 62.
You missed a few things there, right?
Master of Iran's intrigue and force.
I don't know what that means and I don't think anybody else knows what that means other than he was their chief torturer, by the way.
That probably would have been a better catchphrase.
And dies at 62 kind of, you know, he didn't just, you know, fall over and choke on a ham sandwich.
He expired.
It wasn't peacefully.
Yeah, he did not die peacefully.
No, no, no, no.
It was one of those, you know, surgical strikes where we saw his car and then his car was no more and there was fire on the screen.
So, that's how he died.
Was he driving a Gremlin?
Uh, no.
Chevy Nova?
Yes.
It really depends on the automobile.
It was the Pinto guys.
Yeah, Ford Pinto.
It's too bad he didn't have the Cadillac where they had the metal plate built into the car.
You know, it was the new hydrogen car.
To keep you from the flames.
Yes.
A firewall.
Yeah, there was one.
That's how Ace Rothstein lived in Casino was because they had the metal plate.
He was still burned.
The don't blow you up plate, just in case people want to blow you up.
Guarantee that was somebody in Detroit who was like, there's got to be a way to stop these things from completely exploding.
Yeah, well, so they also, the New York Times, they also ran a puff piece on him that same week, and just so you know, Soleimani was directly- A puff piece on a torturer?
A torturer, yeah, well, and he was also directly responsible for the deaths of Americans in Iraq, right?
And this was also known information at the time, so it's not like we just unearthed this nowhere.
Oh, great, so how did they fluff it up for us to make it palatable?
They basically do it by omission.
They don't tell you everything about this guy.
They say he died at 62.
They say he was a minister of whatever in Iran's regime.
Master and Intrigue.
Which is a weird name, by the way.
It's like a Dungeons and Dragons kind of group name that you come up with.
I'm not sure.
But look, it's not just the New York Times that reported the story wrong.
So did Face the Nation.
Watch.
I want to start with some breaking news overnight out of Iran.
They have abolished the morality police.
This is after months of protests following the death of Masa Amini, who died.
This was yesterday.
She was taken into custody since her head wasn't adequately covered.
Does this stop the protests that have been raging?
That's up to the Iranian people.
This is about them.
It's not about us.
I don't have a spine.
That guy's in a rock band.
I don't have a spine.
I Grow some balls!
I know, right?
That was the Secretary of State, Anthony Blinken, by the way.
So, you think these people... Well, like Anthony Blumpkin.
He could have said this so easily.
And we stand with them.
We stand with her, who was killed for doing what she was asked to do.
Arrested and beaten by the police until she died from it.
Yeah.
It's pretty clear.
She didn't cover her head, so they removed it.
Right.
Yeah, that seems fair.
Yeah.
There's no objective right or wrong with these people.
It's up to them.
Whatever they feel is right.
And it's so wrong.
That's what's amazing.
Anything that they even consider objectively right, like this, is wrong.
It's completely wrong.
I hate the fact that you get even pundits like that, though, who are like, well, you know, I don't want to crap on their culture of, you know, murdering a woman who won't wear a silly hat.
Yes.
No, and look, I get it.
Like, when you're talking about, you know, foreign policy, I understand that there is a bit of a game that you have to play to try to affect change.
Yeah, I get it.
Back regimes into corners sometimes and they can become more violent, especially against their own citizens.
But I don't hold out any hope that that's actually what's going on with this administration because Biden and Obama were the people who did the deal with Iran in the first place to give them cash all over the place.
I don't think that they are actually going to push back and they're saying, well, We're just playing the long game.
Joe, you've been in office for about 50-ish years now, right?
You took a little bit of a break because you guys couldn't win.
And you had every opportunity as Vice President of the United States to affect change in Iran and support the Iranian people.
They've been protesting for a very long time in Iran at different points.
And the United States hasn't stood up and said, you know what, we back the people of Iran nearly enough.
I guarantee you right now, if President Trump was in office, and this was going on, it wouldn't be that kind of
statement that we would be getting.
No. We would be getting a much, well, and maybe it would get us in a lot of trouble
because he would tweet it out with a Diet Coke can in his one hand. Yeah, and I'm sure they'd,
yeah, they'd probably cut out the parts they needed to make it look bad. Yeah, right. But
look, other outlets are also not reporting on this accurately as well.
So we have the AFP.
We have Daily Wire, I think, is one of these outlets that we had up there as well.
The BBC, Bloomberg.
A lot of conservative outlets even ran with this story.
Not picking on anybody in particular, but that was one of the ones that we saw.
And it's okay to say, hey, sometimes people drop the ball.
So this is a great opportunity to come back and correct the record on this, right?
So make sure that we get it right.
This is what's going on in Iran.
And it's not that they're abolishing the morality police and all of a sudden changing.
Trust me, Ayatollah Khomeini is not going to allow that to happen.
Well, it's a great opportunity to talk about what is Sharia law based on?
Based on the Quran.
What's the Constitution based on?
Based on Judeo-Christian principles.
Why is one exceptional and one will never advance?
And it's just, you know, use these opportunities to show the difference, the huge difference between what this American experiment is and these people that are living in the seventh century.
Well, and it's so easy to almost talk about now because everything is so, I don't know, it's so watered down, you're so used to hearing such painful things, but like, this is a human being, this is a woman who did absolutely nothing wrong.
Murdered.
Her life was taken away, and this is fine with an entire culture.
Why do we want to keep pretending that's okay?
It's disgusting and unacceptable.
Why is it okay?
Why is this okay?
The Quran.
Oh, don't say that.
Why?
Of course, come on.
You can crap on every other religion.
The sunlight is what, you've got to expose this stuff.
That's what free speech is about.
Oh, and also you have Kanye saying whatever you want, you're not gonna have- Yeah, that's true.
But you don't have, you know, going at people who- Their religion doesn't react like that.
It's a serious problem.
You're murdering people.
And like, this is a- I just hate- I find it so disgusting that you would kill a human being over facewear, and we're still living in a time where, like, we're talking to you on the internet right now, surrounded by, you know, microphones, and there's- Guys building electric cars, and this culture's still like, oh, she's not wearing a face mask even though she did what we asked her to do.
Let's murder her.
It's a perversion of modesty.
That's a serious problem.
I get that.
I know they want to be modest, and, you know, they see our culture, and that goes with freedom.
I get it.
Yep.
We have Megan the Stallion.
My bad.
You know?
We understand that.
We've got your Cardi B's.
Yeah, exactly.
I'd rather have Megan the Stallion who's allowed to show her body than somebody who's murdered because they didn't.
No, I agree.
That's the thing about America.
People don't realize how lucky we are to have this.
And cultures go through their kind of evolutions, right?
And we understand that there are going to be protests along the way.
There's going to be a lot of stuff that happens.
The regime is not going to want to lose control or lose power.
All we're saying is, look, I get that.
We can't go and just replicate American freedom.
No.
Absolutely not.
But when these cultures start to stand up, like in China, like in Iran, we need to be
there to support them.
We need to be there to say, yes, that's a good thing.
Now, you're like, well, it could destabilize.
Yeah, because the Middle East has been a stable place for the last 50 years.
You guys' plan has worked so swimmingly well that Nary a war has been fought over there.
Right.
I'm done trying to appease regimes that we hate.
And this includes Saudi Arabia, by the way.
This includes Qatar and places like that.
I'm not a big fan of throwing gay people off of buildings and seeing if they can fly for the thousandth time just to see if we could prove the point, okay?
I'm also not a fan of throwing death and human suffering at constructing stadiums so that you can host a World Cup.
Not my thing.
Six thousand plus people, I think, have died during the construction of those stadiums.
I'm just saying, let's stop playing like we like these cultures.
Let's just call them out when they need to be called out, and let's just support their citizens when they yearn for freedom!
And if you think you're liberal or have any idea of what that actually meant at one time, you certainly don't support the murder of somebody under these ridiculous dictatorships.
No, absolutely.
And the people are great.
Oh, I'm not knocking the people.
I'm trying to help them.
That's what I said.
It's the cultures.
It's not just that.
It's the cultures that are imposed on them by their leadership.
That's what I'm referring to.
Gerald, I love that you didn't say cutter.
Cutter.
Where'd that come from?
I don't know, I'm not sure which one's correct, but Qatar sounds better.
I always said Qatar.
It's Qatar, right?
There was a movie called Qatar, now they call it Qatar?
There's also acoustic Qatar.
You can't change it now.
Oh, jeez.
Electric Qatar.
Oh, Lord.
Well, I'm glad you let me take and run with that one.
Well, you know what, Gerald?
This has been Gerald Knows Stuff.
He added an echo?
Come on!
Well, I don't know how he did it when you said it.
He's working over the weekend just to screw with me.
Yeah, he don't like you.
Nope.
Never piss off the soundboard guy.
No.
I don't know what you did to him.
I don't either.
You were giving him that back rub.
Don't worry.
You were smooching with my brother.
Yeah.
You filthy animal.
One thing really fast.
This is from Wayne.
Qatar says 400 to 500 migrant workers died due to the World Cup.
But it's actually been revealed 6,500 migrant workers have died.
6,500.
Wow.
Even the Egyptians are blushing and like, guys, that's a little much.
I'm no mathematician, but I'd say that's a thousand times more.
Yeah.
Chinese are like, well that's about what it takes to build a good wall.
Yeah, no, that seems right.
You know?
Except theirs took forever, and that one died in a week and a half.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, it's 174,000 degrees there, so... That's... I know a lot of people that have been stationed in the Middle East, and several people have said, God doesn't want you to live there.
There's nothing.
It's insanely hot.
Nothing should be alive.
You have cobras that come inside to stay cool.
It's not a place where you're supposed to be.
Is it cool if we come in here?
It's kind of hot out there.
Yeah.
I've heard, yeah, nobody's like, oh, I love the weather.
It's great.
It's just, it's a step right before hell.
And spiders follow you.
To rest in your shadow.
Yeah.
Which I'm fine with.
They're not even going to attack you.
They're just like, look man, I just need to cool down.
Cast some shade my way.
They've got like a little white flag.
I know I'm hard to look at, but I just need some cool.
It's been a rough life.
I'll make you a nice web.
Do you like webs?
No.
That's all I got.
I got a house in my ass.
Now I'm gonna bite you.
Gonna bite you if you move.
Yeah.
Stay put now.
The size of a dinner plate.
Oh, I know.
That's true.
People are gonna Google it and find out it's true.
Oh, yeah.
It's like a crab that's following you.
Well, that's why, like, every animal there is designed to murder you eight seconds after it bites you.
It's like, oh, you carry water in your... Okay, fantastic.
I'll drink you for a week.
There's moisture in you.
Yeah, this is perfect.
I'll start with your eyes.
There's no reason to be there.
You worried about a hijab?
You know how many spiders was probably up on that mountain?
Probably a lot.
Preach!
Amen.
I don't like spiders at all.
I'll say it.
You know what, spiders, I don't even want you to watch this show.
They don't.
They're paid eyes.
I don't like that either.
Why can't you have two, like your cartoons?
Just kidding.
I don't have any to have.
Why the spider?
People say if you could ask God one question, I would go... I'm not asking about the spider.
The spider does a good thing.
I'm gonna ask him a question.
But I'm gonna go, couldn't you make it, like, cool?
Like, if a spider looked like a hamster, you'd be like, yeah, I got some spiders in my house.
They eat bugs.
I kind of like it that they eat mosquitoes.
Mosquitoes is the question.
I'm not saying they shouldn't eat mosquitoes.
You're getting me all wrong.
I'm saying make them cute.
Yeah.
Oh, you want it to be like a Charlotte's Web kind of spider.
Yes.
Oh, got it.
Which is still kind of gross.
But less gross.
Less gross.
All right.
Because it talked and was like, oh, hello, Charlotte, pig.
Like, wow, you can spell.
Yeah.
I've made a web.
I think you're so good, spiders.
Good.
Anyway, hate you.
A Canadian woman, who was also a veteran, called in for support for her chairlift.
Oh, well that's nice.
Have you heard about this?
Yes.
And was told that we cannot help you, but they instead offered assistant suicide.
That's right.
What?
She needed a chairlift to go up the stairs, and instead- Fresh out!
They were like, look, we can't really get you a chair right now, we can murder you.
For Christine Gauthier, the fight to get a wheelchair lift in her home has been an uphill battle.
I have to crawl down the stairs on my butt with the wheelchair in front of me to be able to access my house.
While pleading her case to a Veterans Affairs case manager over the phone in 2019, she was told something that would leave her feeling shocked.
If things are so hard at this point and you just can't keep going on, then you know we can assist you with aid to die.
And she's not the only one.
Jeez!
What?
So, let's say you support assisted suicide and people are in extreme amounts of pain.
That should be up to the person, not really the doctor going, hey, want me to kill you?
Yeah, well, basically I was looking for maybe delivery in the next six to eight weeks.
You're saying it's going to be longer and that I should accept death instead.
Yeah, you got a couple options.
We can get you one by July, or we can come by and, I don't know, snuff you out.
What one do you prefer?
Is there maybe a middle ground?
Hey, sounds like you want to meet God!
Can I pay for expedited shipping, perhaps?
Yes!
I'll pay the fee!
If you can't get up the stairs, then kill yourself!
Maybe move into a single-story residence?
Something we can work something out?
Yeah, there's no middle ground.
It's just like, yeah, I can't get you a chairlift, but I can have a group of people end your life.
Yes, we'll help you with the dying part.
Veterans Affairs.
I don't really care about if you have to crawl up your stairs.
I don't care.
Well, you're a veteran, huh?
Thank you for your service in the Mounties.
We do appreciate that.
By the way, we will serve you and kill you.
Yeah, speaking of service, do you have a firearm?
Yeah.
Yellow?
Yeah, just point that at yourself.
Uh-huh.
That's illegal, though, but we're gonna let this one slide.
Because it helps us with the paperwork.
We're just going to swing somebody by to cut your gas lines and we'll have you all set for the next couple days.
You know that bucket of maple syrup?
We all love it.
Just put your head directly in the bucket.
Don't move.
You're frozen to the carpet.
We'll peel you off like Velcro.
All your way.
Oh, it sounds like a make-a-wish and your wish is death.
Have you ever gone ice fishing in July?
Yeah.
Give it a try.
Yeah, it's good.
What we're gonna do is wait for it to thaw out and then just shove you out there.
How does that work?
No, I just want to walk.
I'm just trying to get up the stairs.
Yeah, you're stupid.
We heard you the first time, really.
We're gonna send you to hell.
So in fact, this is actually even a bigger story.
Canadian authorities are reportedly not only offering that, but now they're demanding use of their new chairlift service.
I'm not ready!
Ah, ah, see?
That one works.
Well that way they can only install it once and they can just recycle it to every veteran's house.
I love how on her way up the stairs she knocks the portrait askew just a bit.
And it freezes on that, like that's the travesty of what's happening.
There's a picture out of alignment.
Oh, boy, Canada, you guys are something.
But here's a gal that served her country and needs some help, as opposed to the people at Walmart that use the electric chairs because they're lazy.
Oh, yeah.
I feel that if you are that big, you should just run in front of that person and take the cart.
Have you ever done that?
It's really funny.
There's no law that says you can't use it.
That's right.
It's just a rule that we've all decided to abide by of not being a jerk.
But it's not a law.
What, are they gonna catch ya?
Yeah, exactly.
If you're like, somebody's like, you know... Those things aren't that fast!
No, but they're like six... They ain't gonna catch ya?
Yeah, they're still not gonna catch ya.
Yeah, have you ever... Have you ever tipped anybody on it?
No!
Yeah, you just get like four guys and tip a Walmart scooter?
Oh my god.
You never done the cow tip?
I did see one guy that ran out of battery charge.
If you jump on him like Super Mario Brothers, a bunch of chocolate coins come out.
If you're going around Walmart because you're morbidly obese, no offense, I like them curvy too, but if you're going around a Walmart in one of those using a reaching stick to get your groceries, maybe you need a call from the Canadian government.
They'll help you out.
From the government, I'm here to help.
Well, she was French-Canadian, so she's gonna have a tough time with Ottawa.
What's amazing, though, is she's completely of sound mind.
Yeah.
Like, there's no reason for her to have to die because she would like to get up the stairs easier.
She was a little impatient in waiting for her chairlift.
Right.
Which one tends to get when months go by and you can't get upstairs to use the bathroom that's upstairs.
Well, that was poor planning.
Well, we'll just put you down for one death sentence.
No, chair.
No, no, no.
Shut up.
I can't hear you.
La, la, la, la.
Pull my file.
Once we've made the selection, it cannot be unselected.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I thought you said grenade.
Yeah, look, I personally am one of the few people, and I'm sure a lot of people will be mad, but I'm fine if you are in massive amounts of pain and that is your choice.
If you have some assist in suicide.
Look, I'm just saying.
That's your choice.
It's an interesting question.
It is an interesting question.
We could do a deep dive on this.
We could, and it's just my opinion.
I never thought Kevorkian was a bad guy.
Yeah.
I personally didn't.
I mean, when he started doing it for fun it was weird, but in the beginning it made sense.
He made you sign over your will and everything.
That was the parts that were bad.
But such a professional looking van he had.
Did you ever see The Suicide Machine?
It looks like he made it with like a bike pump and some bleach.
Oh, geez.
It's only hurt for about six or seven hours.
Yeah, don't worry.
It's it's it's kind of like, yeah, it's kind of like the what do you call when they put you on death row and they shoot you with the lethal injection?
Yeah, it looks like that, except it took way longer.
You got to pedal it yourself.
Yeah, it's a peloton.
Just keep pedaling until you pass out.
Oh, well, good luck, Canada.
And, uh, that's it, I think, for today's show.
Again, check me out this weekend.
I'll be at the Comedy Castle.
That's in Detroit, Royal Oak, Detroit, whatever you want to call it.
Going back to your roots.
Yeah, I'm going back to the club I started in.
Nice.
I made the mistake of sitting front row with, um, the Pitbull of comedy.
What was his name again?
That was, uh, yes, Gallagher.
No, no, it was, uh, and I can't believe I'm blanking on his name.
I can see him.
Yeah, his gray hair, uh, very, very vile.
Yeah, he talks like that.
Every joke is extremely offensive.
Yeah, the whole night long my wife and I were Joni and Chachi and he would call back to it.
I'm so mad I can't think of his name right now.
And I know it too.
Look up Pitbull at Comedy.
I'm not leaving until we get it.
No!
People pay for a show, they can listen to us look for stuff.
Bobby Slayton.
Bobby Slayton.
Thank you.
Bobby Slayton.
Yes, Google him.
It's fun for the whole family.
Sit around during the holidays to listen to for Christmas.
Throw it on the record player.
So never tip the Maitre D' to Comedy Club to get you good seats.
Don't do it.
No.
It's best to not be in the very front row.
I've always said that.
And I'm a comic.
I don't mean to, I don't really go at people though.
But sometimes.
Well, I put a clip up on my, uh, I hate to say it, TikTok, but I got one a couple of weeks ago where I was like, Hey, what, what are those?
Uh, the guy was crutches and I didn't know they were.
And I go, Oh, did you break something?
He goes, no, I have MS.
And I was like, Oh, and then I was like, well, I mean, at least they look cool.
And he goes, I guess.
And I go, okay, so I guess your compliment taking skills are handicapped as well.
And fortunately, he was a fan of the show, so it was fun, but I'm like, I'm gonna just go ahead and walk my way out of this, you know, because I can walk.
And it's so fun, because like, Prouder fans get it.
You know, they laugh and he's enjoying it and loving it and stuff, so it was fun to play with.
But I honestly didn't know what it was.
And it turned out to be a sketch of a heckler who was a burn victim.
Do me.
Yes.
Do me.
Yeah, the voice.
And he's just terrified on stage.
Ah.
Ah.
It burns.
It burns.
That was such a brilliant start.
Because he started crying, right?
Yeah, he did.
The tears, they burn.
Well thank you guys very much for tuning in.
We're going to be back tomorrow.
Stephen will be back in the big chair, and we will have on, of course, Mr. Alex Jones.
I want to thank Crawdaddy.
Thank you, Dave.
For coming out.
I want to thank all you guys for the hard work you do.
Ahoy!
Gerald A., of course.
He'll be back.
Thank you, Dave.
No, thank you.
Hugh.
Thank you, Dave.
Thank you.
▲
Export Selection