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June 29, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:11:06
AOC & Stephen Colbert LOVE Telling Big Fat Lies! | Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
Oh yeah!
Okay, here we go.
Previously on Louder With Crowder World.
How bad is it out there, Bernard Hodge?
you It seems that the YouTube algorithm has advanced beyond all comprehension.
They're evolving at a rate beyond their programming.
It extends well beyond the trend of modernization.
But now it's suggested feeds and it seems to even be targeting subscribers themselves.
Dammit, Bernard Hodge, what are you trying to tell me?
I'm saying that people need to hit the notification bell now if they want to see your content at all.
And more clearly it might be even more necessary than ever because... YouTube has become a liberal sh**hole.
You say this like it's a bad thing.
What?
YouTube's algorithms are here to protect you.
They're perfect.
A progression, if you will.
Oh, sh**! What the fu- ♫ ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
Live from Mug Club, it's cultural appropriation time!
you you
Welcome back to Cultural Appropriation Month!
Uh, uh, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Oh, no.
It's a journey home. That's what I know. You're a strange animal. You're coming home. It's a beauty.
Delicious.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Glad to be with you tomorrow, Cultural Appropriation Month.
Italy.
Can't believe we didn't do Italy.
Really?
We did not do Italy.
Is this the eighth year or ninth year?
Is it?
I think we're gonna stop Cultural Appropriation Month after year ten.
Are we?
Okay.
Just because there are no more countries.
It's ten.
They come up with different reasons for us to make fun of them.
Yeah, I guess so.
I mean, but we've done, like, California.
We could do New Jersey or New York.
Nah, we'll stop at ten.
We just said Italy.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, why would we do that?
It's like we could do Hoboken.
Schenectady, you're next.
We're going to film it live at Cake Boss.
Speaking of things to make fun of, AOC may run for president.
Isn't that great?
Oh, please.
And we have, of course, you heard the testimony yesterday, the January... Why have I not been addressing the January 6th committee, hearing, theater, world premiere?
Because there's nothing there, okay?
So now the darling of the left, uh, bitch Cassidy, she is, uh, up there and we'll talk about this at her testimony where she was saying that Donald Trump did this in the car and tried to... and it's immediately verifiably false.
But that doesn't stop the media from running with it.
This is the problem.
You shouldn't say verifiably false.
I should say it's he said, it's he said, bitch said.
That's where we are right now.
And by the way, Bitch Cassidy also said that Donald Trump did these horrible things before she wanted to have a job with him.
Again.
Again.
It's like Colin Kaepernick applying for slavery.
Yeah, absolutely.
So we'll be talking about that.
We'll be talking about NATO.
Finland and Sweden want to join NATO.
I wouldn't let them.
And I guess that's my, well, you know what, we'll get to the question of the day with each segment.
And then, of course, Elmo got his COVID vaccine.
Oh, finally.
And the Shakes.
The Johnson & Johnson?
No, Elmo got AstraZeneca!
My heart hurts.
Elmo tastes pennies!
So, Gerald, the best man, the better man, just don't ask him about preeclampsia.
It's okay.
We corrected it live on air, but people will never let you let it down.
I know, they won't.
I totally confused it.
You still gave some life-saving advice.
And then he is the fastest man on his feet, and we are on tour in the fall.
The Rebels With a Cause comedy tour, loudearthcrowder.com slash tour, and it has kicked off September 16th in Arizona at the Federal Theater in Houston.
September 17th at the Smart Financial Center.
So those are the first two dates.
Boom.
So get your tickets now.
The rest of them, you know, it's each month.
We do at least one or two dates in the fall.
Dave Landau, how are you?
Ahoy.
Good.
How about you?
What was that ahoy?
I half coughed, I think.
Okay.
You don't even know what it was?
No, I'm scared now.
I'm gonna... I should see my... That was your soul leaving your body.
I know.
Grab it.
I just lost 21 grams.
Yes.
Boy, was that a crap film.
Oh, I know.
It's the weight of the soul.
I don't know.
I'm leaving the theater.
It's the weight of the soul.
No, it's actually dehydration that occurs.
Well, shut up.
That's not a good title.
I think it's just allergies.
That's what it was.
Yeah, I don't know what that was.
Let me try that again.
Ahoy!
How are you?
I'm doing fine.
But I'm doing better now that we get to address AOC.
So AOC was on Stephen Colbert.
Yes.
This was yesterday, and we're going to go through some of the claims versus the truth of what she made.
She's trying to claim that with the Supreme Court, that basically we're looking at overturning the idea that interracial marriage is legal.
She even goes as far back as the Emancipation Proclamation and gets some dates wrong.
But we'll get to that before she is begged by Mr. Colbert to run for president, which we will address.
But this is just an example, again, we see what's happening right now, where the media wants to give a platform to something that really shouldn't be given a platform.
I'm not saying she shouldn't be given a platform.
But this idea that we need to rehash and go through the Supreme Court ruling and make up things that just aren't true, this is how they gin up riots.
And then, of course, encourage the riots to continue as Kamala Harris did, as Maxine Waters did, as we saw with the Black Lives Matter riots, as we just saw again with Maxine Waters right now.
This is how you inspire the riots.
And then, of course, the left, unlike Donald Trump, through their direct words, called people to action.
With the riots.
So my question to you is, do you want AOC to run for president?
Don't.
Just take some time to process it.
Think it through.
Because your initial answer of, ugh, may not be correct.
So let's get to the first claim that AOC makes here on Stephen Colbert Show.
She's compared the Dobbs Decision to the pre-Civil War court's ruling on Dred Scott versus Sanford.
Here we go.
What actions, you know, do you, would you like to see from your fellow lawmakers?
Because the court's response to that might be, Alito specifically says, return this to the elected representatives of the people, that where they, he believes that that's where legitimacy, at least the issues of Roe, of abortion, should be returned to the people.
What action would you like to see the Congress take?
Well, I think that history really informs a lot.
And it gives us lessons here.
Because this is not the first time that this has happened.
In the 1800s, the Supreme Court was taken over by the Confederate South.
And we're starting to rule in ways that limited Abraham Lincoln, for example.
In the Dred Scott ruling, they ruled that black Americans are not and can never be full citizens of the United States.
And what did Abraham Lincoln do?
He signed the Emancipation Proclamation.
He ignored the gross overreach and abuse of power during Franklin Delano Roosevelt's attempt to restore the country during the Great Depression with the Green New Deal.
I mean, not the Green New Deal.
The New Deal!
The New Deal!
Narcissistic slip!
Sorry.
Sorry, just a snip of the sociopath.
Sorry, just a snip of the sociopath.
Attempting to prevent us from passing the law.
And Franklin Delano Roosevelt threatened to expand the court.
And in his adoption of that position, despite the fact that Congress didn't do it at that time, although Lincoln did,
the fear of the court's power being minimized caused them to back off their overreach and abuse of power.
So I know it's pretty tough where I'm going to have to hit you with the truth because she was nonsensical.
But first off, Gerald A., you had a very good point.
I had a couple of points here.
I just want to give you a timeline.
1857 Dred Scott decision.
1861 Lincoln takes office.
1863 Emancipation Proclamation.
That's why I said wrong.
His response to this was not the Emancipation Proclamation.
That was to start a war.
He had other aims in mind.
By the way, the 13th and 14th Amendment took care of that ruling.
And you know what Lincoln said?
He's actually quoted as saying this.
It would have been helpful if her researchers had maybe read three paragraphs more about this decision.
Lincoln said, Offered no resistance to this decision.
He thought that the United States system was so robust that the courts could be corrected and it was not worth getting rid of them just because you didn't like the decision.
Unfortunately, you know, it wasn't as robust.
The back of his head.
No.
Not very sturdy.
Large hats, but apparently couldn't fit a little bit of Kevlar.
So back then, headshot took a while to die.
Yes, it did.
Also, here's another truth that you guys need to know.
The ruling in Scott v. Sanford was wrong because it removed life and liberty without due process.
And like Gerald just said, the 13th and 14th Amendments protected against it.
And the decision, by the way, was awful.
It was overturned.
Just like Roe.
Just like Roe.
That's what's important to note.
It's not legislating from the bench, it's interpreting.
And hopefully you're an originalist, a constitutionalist, interpreting the Constitution.
It's not creating new rights that don't exist.
It's not creating new laws that shouldn't exist constitutionally.
That is not the job of the court.
And by the way, I think one could argue That killing an unborn baby isn't so different from forced servitude.
I would almost argue that it's in some ways worse.
Right.
It's really interesting that the example she gives in Taney's majority opinion, he said that African people were property.
Their entire argument rests on a child in the womb not being a person.
Right.
It's a black person on my farm.
Yeah.
Or a black child in the womb.
Either way, you're saying that it's your property.
Exactly.
It's a separate being.
And you can do with it what you want.
That's exactly the argument they're making, is what slaveholders said.
It's my property, I get to do with it what I want.
Right.
Do you really want to be making that argument, AOC?
Right, it's like a J.G.
Wentworth commercial for slavery.
It's my slave and I need him now!
Someone in a Viking hat.
Call J.G.
Wentworth!
I'll be honest, that's the third time I've tried to watch that clip and I can't get past the fourth word, maybe.
I just zone out.
I can't do it.
I think the resemblance to Carson in Early Letterman is uncanny.
Oh, it's just flying by the seat of your pants fun.
Yeah, I know.
Dick Cavett was thought of as being more subdued, the thinking man, sort of late night thing.
And it's still way funnier than Stephen Colbert.
Way better.
Actually, I like Dick Cavett.
Dick Cavett came off genuine in his style of interviewing.
Stephen Colbert is an improviser from the second city doing whatever this is now.
Sucking.
Yeah.
So here is another claim that AOC makes.
Let's just rattle these off.
And by the way, all references are available at lightearthcrowder.com.
She suggested that packing the court would be a good idea, even though she just didn't... what you just heard her say, right, because they were concerned... She meant packing it with slaves.
Yes, yes, exactly.
She prefers the term lesser people.
I'm sorry, my bad.
Lesser people.
Property.
Just a bunch of baby slaves.
I think I found a loophole!
Yay!
Yeah, I don't understand.
Why do these cotton fields look like a Cabbage Patch commercial?
Take a picture of me looking at them sad.
You know what?
Never mind.
I'll just do it outside of my apartment.
You can edit them in.
Yeah, it's fine.
Green screen, let's go!
Yes.
The only person whose organic photo ops require Peter Jackson.
No.
And she's a frightener.
She suggested, even though she just said, that because they were concerned about the power of the court being minimized, they decided not to.
She then goes on to say, she says, let's pack the court, meaning expand the court, to minimize its power.
What we saw was an overreach from the Supreme Court attempting to prevent us from passing these laws.
And Franklin Delano Roosevelt threatened to expand the court.
And in his adoption of that position, despite the fact that Congress didn't do it at that time, although Lincoln did, the fear of the court's power being minimized caused them
to back off their overreach and abuse of power. I believe that
President Biden should entertain expansion of the Supreme Court.
I believe that wonderful time in America.
Take off your shirt.
We've asked you.
Stop yelling that.
It's just Biden.
I heard my name.
Sorry.
And I saw a shirt that I didn't like.
It's him and Hunter.
It's the eighth time we've told you guys.
Right.
Hunters puts away his crack pipe.
All right.
I remember back in the day when we used to be able to smoke on planes.
Now I can't even have a little bit of crack with a late night show?
Come on.
All right, Mr. Crowd Animator.
So... I can still smoke crack on my plane that China bought me.
Right.
You have any ideas how many times I smoked it on the Epstein Express?
So that's what she said.
Here's the truth, okay?
Abraham Lincoln, Republican by the way, added a new circuit court and a new justice to ensure that he could prosecute a war against the South.
Now...
It's also important to note, yes, it is true that the numbers of the justices changed early on in this country.
When was the last time we did it?
Was it 1869, 1870-something, the last time we changed the number of Supreme Court justices?
Someone just get that to me, 30 seconds or less please.
In the 60s or 70s?
1800s.
The reason that they changed it is because, keep in mind, this was a country that was growing.
This was a country that had a population that changed dramatically, and back then travel was a lot more complicated.
So it really related to the circuit courts, and once they said, okay, this is too difficult for them to have these meetings, these amount of times per year, so this is how we're going to do the Supreme Court, this is the number of people we believe this is appropriate, it has now been since the 1800s that we have stayed with that number.
That's important to note.
Yeah, and her reference to Roosevelt is like a five-year-old saying, well, he did it too, why am I getting in trouble?
Roosevelt had a bad idea.
He threatened the court so that he could manipulate a branch of government.
And here's what's unsaid there.
Here's what's unsaid there.
She's saying, you know, before he was opposed and when he tried to.
Okay, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, by the way, wheelchair guy.
And Delanor?
Not from a tree, though.
He had a super majority.
Super majorities in Congress.
And still.
So who was it who opposed him?
Let's be clear.
Just like when Barack Obama was president for the first few years, he could have done anything that he wanted, there were enough Democrats opposing him.
History often forgets that.
She wants you to believe that it was FDR saying, let's expand the court, and Republicans being like... No!
No, it was Democrats saying, if you do this, we're going to put you in a worse wheelchair.
In a straw wheelchair.
Which they don't even have yet!
They're just showing a prototype.
Right, exactly.
See this thing?
Just a rod iron.
Yeah, just one strut next to the wheels.
Don't get near the Grand Canyon.
You gotta blow real hard to get those to move.
Be like Stephen Hawking except he's morsing.
What do you say?
He said your mother's a whore.
Oh, okay.
Are you sure?
No.
So that was 1863, by the way.
1863, okay.
I was right within striking distance.
Here's truth number two.
The Dobbs decision actually removed power from the court when we're talking about this now.
This is something here that, again, and I'll get some people to give me flack.
I know that we are a constitutional republic.
We are a representative republic.
I've said that many, many, many times.
I'm using the Democrats' arguments against them where they say, this is how democracy dies.
Now, we are not a pure democracy and with good reason.
Pure democracy is mob rule.
That being said, if you understand federalism, You have to recognize the difference where Roe v. Wade was legislating from the bench, where it became a federal issue, where they were able to regulate an issue that was not enumerated in the powers of the Constitution.
We're removing power from the court.
That's all this decision is.
Think about that for a second.
That's a big deal.
It's very rare that you have in government, a government entity say, you know what, we shouldn't have control over this.
Can you imagine the Fed saying that?
You know what, we shouldn't be manipulating currency.
We were just, you know, you guys are right.
Of course not.
The court said, here's what we're going to do.
This was bad law.
We're going to step out and let you, your democratically elected representatives in your states, deal with this.
That's it!
Yeah.
You should love that, by the way.
And you know, Abraham Lincoln had a thought on this.
He said... They don't love it.
The reason they don't love it... Sorry, I don't want you to go on with it.
The reason they don't love it is because they are everything... Like you see with Andrew Breitbart.
He said, they are everything they accuse you of being.
Someone who says, you're an authoritarian fascist, and then you say, alright, well look, at least we can take the step here where we can give more power to the state, so it's not... No, no, no, no, no!
We now need to change our institutions, which, by the way, you must trust!
In order to remove the democratic process which exists at a state level.
That's where the democratic process exists, right?
You democratically elect your state representatives, you democratically elect your representatives, and then they're supposed to uphold the Constitution and rule of law.
It's a safeguard.
People who call you an authoritarian, as AOC has done, who want to remove The autonomy from the states, they're simply trying to accuse you of being exactly what they are.
Guess what?
Authoritarianism is exclusive to the left.
People try and, they try and act on this political spectrum.
Hitler was right-wing.
How?
Because he was racist.
Oh, and you've tried to paint Republicans, you've tried to paint conservatives as racist.
That's your only connection.
Big government, more control over the banks, disarming a select, a portion of the populace.
Authoritarianism is inherently left-wing.
Certainly in the American spectrum of politics.
Sorry, Gerald, you had a quote.
Well, no, I wanted to actually say this.
The Supreme Court is supposed to be the final word.
The other thing is the amendment process.
Right now, two-thirds vote by both houses of Congress, and you've got an amendment.
And then you have to get three-quarters of each state to vote, the state's legislatures.
If it's that popular, go through that process.
Don't blow up the government.
Don't have Biden write an executive order which he does not have the authority to do to put something like this into place.
And here's the thing.
Abraham Lincoln said the court doesn't establish precedent, this is his thought on it, unless it was a unanimous decision.
And even then it can still be overturned by the amendment process.
This was a 7-2 decision when Roe v. Wade was announced.
It wasn't a right before.
1963 or 73 sorry and after it was 7-2 it was still split.
This isn't like stuff got written in stone and all of a sudden the Supreme Court came along and said
look this doesn't exist anymore. It's not what happened. It was never in there to begin with.
That was the problem. You're right though, it is the party of projection. And just the times where it's
like you just called a fascist and you're like you know how far I am from that on the spectrum
of my beliefs. Right.
You want everything ran like this is one giant prison camp.
It's like, I want the complete opposite when it's involved with government control.
No, and think about, let's just talk about, you talk about the process, okay?
I think I can say this on YouTube because they changed their election law, their voting laws in Pennsylvania.
Right.
It was deemed that it was in fact a violation of the Pennsylvania, I believe it was the Pennsylvania Supreme Court?
Or was it the Pennsylvania, their higher court?
I don't know.
It was the Constitution that had that rule.
It was the Pennsylvania, sorry, the Pennsylvania Constitution.
Yeah, and the Supreme Court.
Yeah, said it is a violation of it, but they said at this point the damage is done, so whatever.
So what they want you, when they say you're an authoritarian, by the way, our people We're going to allow, we want to change the laws without going through the process, violating the Constitution.
By the way, we're going to ban you if you speak out against it and say that's foul play.
Every step of the way.
Every step of the way.
We change the laws how we want.
We pack the court executive order.
We violate the state constitution.
And by the way, if you question us, we're going to create policy that labels you misinformation or just gets you removed.
You're an authoritarian.
You know what I want?
AOC to speak as much as humanly possible.
I will buy that bitch the most expensive megaphone money can buy.
I do want to see her run.
Yeah, run.
Run.
Run.
That's the thing about Run Lola.
The thing about Run Lola, but I was trying to remember if I remembered that.
Was it Run Lola Run?
It is Run Lola Run.
It's probably closer to Run Ronnie Run.
Yes.
Yeah, it's true.
Run, run, Rudolph.
Because she's lying so much, she's like Rudolph, like Pinocchio.
Get it, guys?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, because she looks like an animal, like a deer.
Yeah.
With her eyes, it's like she's caught in the headlights.
Yeah.
All right.
Here's her next claim.
Riffin.
Everybody loves Riffin!
We're Riffin.
Riffin.
Hear the toilet flush sound.
This is Riffin in the morning.
With Crowder and the Cluck!
And you wonder why no one listens to radio or watches cable news.
Or... news.
So!
She, uh, you already hit the claim button.
She, uh, made the claim that, um, we need to abolish, this is, again, these are, these are democratic views.
Pat the court!
Ban speech that we don't like!
Abolish the filibuster, which is a check and balance so that Democrats can do whatever they want.
I believe that he should forcefully come out in ending the filibuster of the United States Senate.
I believe that he should call on Congress to repeal the Hyde Amendment.
And I also believe that Congress, we have the possibility When we are strengthened by the repeal of the filibuster, or even the change to a talking filibuster, or a standing filibuster, in doing so we can codify Roe, we can codify, and all of the other cases that the Supreme Court indicated that they would threaten, we can codify same-sex marriage, we can codify the right to contraception, we can codify interracial marriage, we can do it.
But we can only do it We can only do it if we're not fighting with one hand tied behind our back, let alone two.
And so I think that right now, we just need a fight.
We need a fight.
And we need to show and demonstrate to the American people that when they vote to give Democrats power, we will use it to the fullest extent possible to defend everybody's civil, economic, and human rights.
Okay, so look at that.
That was very, very similar to what you would hear, and I'm not misusing this.
A speech from Hitler.
She just changed it to defend the rights.
What did she just say?
Codify interracial marriage.
That's already a thing.
Codify the right to contraception, which she really means that you will pay for contraception.
And by the way, that will include abortions, because that's how they view it.
And then she just said, we need to use the full power of the Democratic Party so that we get, not defend what the people want, what we want.
Keep in mind, we just had a poll that came out today.
I think it's Reuters-Ipsos.
You guys can bring it up.
5-1.
5-1 Democrats support access to transitional therapies for children who are transgender.
5-1 when you poll Democrats.
Seriously?
They overwhelmingly support it.
Remember when we told you this was going to affect kids?
And I had a transgender mayor from here in Texas say, that's a straw man.
Here we are.
So when she just said, use the full power, we need to pack the court.
Meaning, remove that check and balance.
We need to end the filibuster so that we can defend your rights.
Oh, and by that we mean you pay for abortions and you better give your kids estrogen therapy or allow them to go through sex changes, otherwise we're going to take them away.
That is so similar to...
The speech that you've heard across history from every authoritarian dictator ever.
Now, here's the truth.
Hold your nose and googly's because here comes the cold water, AOC.
The reason that you're not going to end the filibuster is because even the Democrats don't want it.
Look, it was during, I think, the 2019 to 2020 congressional term alone, Dems, they filibustered 328 times.
congressional term alone. They filibustered 328 times.
Jeez.
Jeez.
Since 2019, filibusters have been used by Democrats 657 to Republicans 609.
It's 2009 on that.
Right.
What'd I say?
19.
I just wanted to make sure.
I don't want, no more admonishing.
Sorry, 2019 to 20, meaning that 1920 congressional term, 320-something times.
2019 to 20 meaning that 1920 congressional term. Yep 320-something times since 2009. It's a different number now
657 times compared to Republican 609 you by the way Yes, that longest longest filibuster in history was
performed by Strom Thurmond who was a Democrat against the Civil Rights Act
And I know you'll say, then he became a Republican.
Yeah, he became a Republican when he realized that he was wrong about racism.
If you look at the longest filibusters throughout history, you can look at how Democrats have used it, how they've abused it.
This is something the Democrats don't have enough votes from their own people because they have used it more.
They just don't like it when it's used against them.
Do you know how I know?
Do you know how I know, Dave?
Take a guess.
Do you know how I know?
Let's LeVar Burton this shit.
You don't have to take my word for it.
The American people want less partisanship in this town, but everyone in this chamber knows that if the majority chooses to end the filibuster, if they choose to change the rules and put an end to democratic debate, then the fighting and the bitterness and the gridlock will only get worse.
At its core, the filibusters are not about stopping a nominee or a bill.
It's about compromise and moderation.
That's why the founders put unlimited debate in.
That's what it's about!
Who is that?
Some other guy?
Engendering compromise!
It's pre-hair plugs.
Huh.
And moderation.
It's weird.
It's so hard for me to even do this today.
They don't even believe what they're saying.
They know that- Twelve years before he died.
They know that in 2005, video cameras existed, correct?
Yes, and microphones.
I don't think they did.
I don't think they were aware of the internet until like a year ago.
What do they think?
They thought C-SPAN was just some Flintstones petrodactyl with like a stone or like a mortar and pestle?
This guy sucks!
I think they were relying on the fact that no one was watching us.
Yeah, yeah.
Or that somebody couldn't pull a clip from archives?
It's not like this was 1940.
What are you talking about?
And here's another truth just to make sure that we're clear.
The Loving vs. Virginia.
...case ruled that laws against interracial marriage were unconstitutional, again, under the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment.
The Equal Protection Clause, to be clear.
The Equal Protection Clause has nothing to do with privacy!
Roe v. Wade said abortion, which isn't a right, they said, well, it's because of the right to privacy between a woman and her doctor.
Okay?
The reason that interracial marriage was recognized, sure the 14th Amendment, sometimes these amendments have more than one item listed, is the Equal Protection Clause.
Not the Privacy Clause!
It's not the same thing.
So when they try to tell you that it's the same thing, therefore give me all your power and your money, that's really what the bumper sticker should read.
It used to be from Democrats, give me all your money.
Now it's give me all your money, all your autonomy, and all your institutions.
Yeah, and by the way, Ginsburg felt the same way.
She felt like Roe couldn't stand on the Privacy Clause.
It just wasn't going to hold up long-term.
She wanted it there and she didn't think that was going to happen.
I mean, it's a good point after we just watched a racially mixed president speak.
Yes.
He's mostly Irish.
Ah, yes.
They're talking about... You watched a commercial?
Donald Trump is an authoritarian.
They're doing this January 6th thing, right?
Non-stop, non-stop, non-stop.
By the way, here, bring this right up here on CNN right now.
bombshell have access to the capital browns it's cast a little bit
like a second but it's just a white jesse smollett yeah it's weird white jesse smollett
i'm happy bitch cassidy in the sundance
kid you can say the other words so here's the thing donald trump has been all this time in january six he's a
he's an authoritarian okay
let me ask you guys and these are totaled play along with a little bit uh...
Did Donald Trump want to pack the court?
Did he want to add seats?
No.
Did Donald Trump want to do away with the filibuster?
No.
Even though it was used more?
Okay.
Did Donald Trump want to do away with the Electoral College?
No.
When Donald Trump would call out fake news, did he want people with opinions that he didn't like to be banned from YouTube, Twitter, Facebook?
No.
I bet he wishes he would have got rid of that old electoral college now, though.
Yeah.
That wouldn't have made a difference.
No.
Just toss in a few million votes.
Safely and securely.
Safe votes that are secured in a fraudulent box.
Completely alive voters.
Yes.
A lot of alive, dead voters.
Yes, exactly.
They just found it in Davies' footlocker.
Intersections are people too.
I mean, it's just a bunch of votes that they hid in an actual footlocker.
Yes.
Look, there's still one of these?
Yes, the other votes are in a radio shack.
Go there.
Finally, to end this segment, and I want to know if you agree with Colbert here, you guys can comment below.
Colbert, and again, late night.
Great.
Comedy.
Comedy even.
Comedy.
Scott down on his hands and knees, basically, to beg AOC to run for presidentress.
You know, there's some speculation as to whether President Biden is going to run in 2024.
There's some reports that he's a little frustrated that people keep asking because he keeps on saying yes.
And people go, are you sure?
Are you sure?
You know, I know somebody who's going to turn 35 about a month before the election in 2024.
And they represent New York's 14th.
Is that job appealing to you at all?
Theoretically.
Listen, I think that we need to focus on keeping a democracy for anybody to be president.
By removing all of our institutions?
That's my central focus is helping the people of this country.
So it's possible, so it's possible.
I don't know about all that.
Well, I don't know about all that.
I'm just here to get you in trouble.
Exactly, you're getting me in trouble.
That's my job, get you in trouble.
I don't know about all that.
Okay.
She misspoke.
She meant to say, I don't really know about all that anything.
So, um...
This is Stephen Colbert asking her to run for president, and this is where we've come to the point where late-night comedy host entertainers are really trying to affect and manipulate the political process.
Yes.
I really didn't want to have to do this, but at this point I feel like I have to.
Yeah.
So I want to be clear as to where I line up.
It's important.
It's important.
Please! Please! Please!
YES!
ABSOLUTELY!
RUN FOR PRESIDENT AOC!
DO IT!
PLEASE!
PLEASE!
DO IT!
Please!
I think that's clear.
Yeah.
It's good.
We'll give that to her.
I wish I may, I wish I might.
Have AOC decide to run for president tonight.
When you wish upon a googly eye.
Which They bring out all the all the all the food to the you know
They have those little meetings they stay stay late in session and all these people these special dietary course
like I'm gluten-free I'm a pescatarian. She's just like just bring a salt lick.
Yeah, we're doing animals right now with my son when he sees her
He points and says nay yeah running for president? Yeah, exactly.
No, he's filibustering at a young age.
He's very astute.
She just says, please rub peanut butter on my gum so I can talk.
That's what horses say to my son.
That's neigh.
That's the sound they make.
I've got a breaking update.
The SCOTUS rules states can prosecute crimes on Native American lands.
No!
That's actually good.
That is fantastic.
It's our land, sorry.
I mean, I'm not going to lie, I'm really glad that that didn't happen in 1993 when they were hosting the early UFCs because, oh boy.
But, yeah, I don't, you know, it's, I'm sorry.
You're a conquered people.
We gave you land.
Yeah, you just get like, we'll have our own police.
Yeah, we've seen how that's worked out.
It's just, it's just meth.
They die on the res.
This is like the whole premise of Yellowstone.
You got a lot of money back.
Yeah, come on.
A lot of my money back.
Right.
Yes, a lot.
When's enough enough?
By the way, your therapy session is... I need your reminders, too, today.
Good!
Where else is this a thing?
Think about it.
Where else do people win wars and then give people land and say, oh, by the way, you don't have to respect the laws of the rest of our land?
What?
I got some news you're not going to like though.
Langer sent me this update.
It's only if the defendant is non-native.
Oh!
Oh my gosh.
That's... That's a gray area.
No, that seems like it's a problem.
That just seems like they're going to try and prosecute hate crimes for every white person who drives with a native American.
So a native, so figuratively speaking, a native American And for people who are confused, a Native American could attack a non-Native.
The United States, the government of the United States people could not prosecute the Native American who started the attack, but they could technically hit the guy who defended himself.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So if a white guy goes on the res.
Yeah.
And beats somebody.
Right.
But what I'm saying.
I'm even saying the other way around.
What I'm saying the other way around is if a white guy goes there and a Native American, you know.
Attacks him.
Attacks him.
And he defends himself.
But let's say he accidentally kills a guy.
That white guy could still get manslaughter.
Or that white guy could still get aggravated assault or battery.
Whereas the Native, they just have to deal with their tribal police.
Which would be, Hey!
Come on!
Go drink some Windex and walk it off!
We'll put you in the jail.
This is a teepee.
Right.
Yeah.
He's like, how did he get out?
The flap.
Why would you ever go on a reservation?
If you really want to, you know, if you want to know what it's like to live like the white man, only worse.
Kidding.
It's a joke.
I guess so.
And that's what I mean when they go, well, the white man, they, they, they're oppressing my land.
We should give it back.
It's like, hold on a second.
Since you guys are saying the white man, the Native American reservations, it just looks like normal white people, which by the way, includes all non-natives.
So that would include black people.
That would include Asian Americans.
It looks like it just looks like the crappy area.
Yeah, well, and it's the best case study in history for the government taking care of you and seeing how that goes.
Giving you land, giving you universal basic income, and saying, we'll take care of everything.
Okay.
What has it led to?
What inventions have come out of that?
What advancements in technology?
No, hold on a second.
What advancements took place before the evil Europeans came over?
They didn't use the wheel.
Look, look, look, look.
You don't need to know everything else.
What do you think happens when a society that doesn't use the wheel, that absolutely has seen it accidentally and decided, ah, we're just going to drag this, encounters one with guns?
It doesn't mean that evil was not committed on both sides.
That means you're gay.
Right, but let's be honest.
We're not going to drag this.
That wheel thing looks kind of rough.
I say, young man, why don't you just roll it?
Roll it!
We have the square.
Yes.
I'm gonna not ride horses.
Yes.
Please stay there.
I'm busy scalping people to prove a point and not riding horses.
They just call it the monstrous bitey thing.
Yeah.
We better run all of them off a cliff so we can eat one.
I call this AOC.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Look, here's another deal that I would take.
We pay all the reparations.
I don't even know what reparations we would owe to Native Americans.
Pay it all back if the last Native tribes pay back the other tribes who they conquered and stole the land.
So like we talked about the Black Hills.
Then you should have the Lakota pay back the Cheyenne.
They should pay back the Kiowa.
I don't know how far back it goes.
Everyone.
Do you understand that it can't work?
It just becomes a domino effect of paying reparations.
And at this point, People couldn't even be, just because they're on native land?
What, it's the silliest thing!
So I need to look into this law a little bit more, but I will say, uh, something that evens the playing field for everybody is a good thing, because that's inherently anti-racist.
Can we do Native American cultural appropriation next time?
That might be, that's tough.
I think we did that one.
It's a different country!
Yes, a worse one.
Within a great one.
It's still got nice choruses.
In the television season run of American History, the Native American era, that's just the crappy flashback episode.
Kinda.
Yeah.
The writers didn't really want to put a whole lot into this.
Oh, I live this way because the white man forced me to.
Yeah, go enjoy your Android and Levi's, you shopping mall Santa fraud who doesn't pay taxes.
Not all of you.
Not all of them.
I'm just talking about the people who try and... Here's the thing, there is nothing, there is nothing stopping you right now, Native Americans.
They say, we want to go back to... There's nothing stopping you from living off the land.
There's nothing stopping you from living the way that you used to live.
You have your own land.
It's been given to you.
You pay less for it than everybody else.
Do you realize there are Christian missions that exist to teach Native American tribesmen how to hunt and fish?
Because a good portion of them have no idea how?
Do you realize that?
The white man from the Southern Baptist Church has to come in and show you how to paint with colors of the bullshit?
All right.
Well, they made that Land O'Lakes lady disappear.
That's true.
Yeah, I know.
I used to make her disappear.
Isn't it weird still to this day when you see the butter, you're like, I know it's missing.
You didn't even replace it with anything.
Right.
I know.
Like, put in like a stag.
Wait, so your solution- There used to be a lady sitting her style.
Yeah.
Wasn't the problem from removing them in the first place and now our solution?
Give me back my butter logo Fine first we took your land then we took your butter.
Sorry, but you didn't want it.
We were trying to be nice. Oh, that's just white people's we we love the land of legs butter
Bitch, if you fold if you fold it up her knees the right way it looked like kits
Can we find a picture of Nick DePaulo
Fold them up right looks like a tits. Yeah, I think Mike I can't shoot right now!
Comment below.
This is a generational thing.
Did you know that if you folded up the Land O'Lakes, and Nick DiPaolo has a whole bit about that too, but it's true.
I remember learning it when I was, it was a kid who showed me.
If you fold up the bottom half the right way, it looks, it's like a mad fold, and it looks like she has bare breasts.
That was a big deal when we were kids.
Yeah, it's hilarious.
It was like finding out that if you just went backwards in Donkey Kong you could skip a level.
It was that big of a revelation.
It's like, Stephen, why do we see so many Land O'Lakes labels in here?
Why do you think the butters are on the shelves now?
Nobody's buying them.
They're like, well, no tits, I don't want it.
I don't even know what that is anymore.
Why do all these butters have grooves in them?
By the way, in case we're still here on YouTube, this is a live show, Monday through Thursday, 10 a.m.
Eastern.
You can watch it on Rumble, you can watch it on Mug Club.
Today we're actually going to be going through our new installment of Dealing with Hecklers, Dave and I, from some of our live shows.
And we're not going to be here, you know, we'll have some specials that will be uploaded, but you know that month of July is when we're actually expanding, we're doubling our studio space.
So we have a lot of renovations to make, you might see some changes, but unless we tell you that we're not here, We're always here.
You can go to Rumble or you can go to Mud Club.
Alright, here's another story that's a lot of fun.
See this is with Elmo?
Alright, we're good to go?
Do you want to see the Land O'Lakes real quick?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, yes.
I love it!
See?
You fold it up, right?
Alright.
Yeah, see, that's her.
Fold it up?
I don't know.
No, it's folded up.
It's the kneecaps, see?
When you fold up the kneecaps, it becomes boobs.
Yeah.
I used to picture her going, happy birthday, Mr. Chieftain.
That's funny.
Boop boop boop boop boop!
Welcome to my reservation.
Yes!
Are you going to invade me?
Get the hell out of here Ted Kennedy!
He has his car and idle over a bridge.
Alright!
Elmo!
Elmo is now- It can also call a phone within 19 hours.
Where were you, Ted?
You're covered in water.
Soaking wet.
All right.
Elmo, everyone's favorite- well, the puppet, not the pedophile who had his hand up the puppet.
I've seen that one coming.
Elmo has now been vaccinated, and there's actually- we have this clip from Sesame Street.
You know, Daddy has super-duper bandages, just like Elmo!
You were super-duper today, getting your COVID vaccine, Elmo.
Yeah, there was a little pinch, but it was okay.
Elmo was really glad to have Daddy and Baby David there with him.
Baby David, where are you?
I had a lot of questions about Elmo getting the COVID vaccine.
Was it safe?
No, and no.
Who's a commie?
This is a puppet talking to parents, by the way.
so I could make the right choice.
Who's a commie?
I learned that Elmo getting vaccinated is the best way to keep himself,
our friends, neighbors, everyone else healthy and enjoying the things they love.
Oh, daddy! Oh, Elmo and baby David have a question.
Can we have a hug?
Oh, come here, son.
Oh, Elmo loves you, daddy.
But you didn't get enough hugs from your pedophile puppeteer?
It's okay to have questions about COVID vaccines for your kids.
Not that kind.
Can I have a reach around?
Well, that's what we've been doing to the pharmaceutical companies for years.
Many times.
Now, here's the thing.
When I watched that, I originally thought it sounded like Dave doing a voice.
Yeah.
But it wasn't.
And here's the thing, we actually, and you know they go through several different cuts with this, with Sesame Street.
Yes.
And sometimes we get exclusive information, we get exclusive clips because we have people who work in the industry and they sort of send these to us anonymously.
We actually have the original voiceover that was intended for that Sesame Street vaccine PSA.
Oh.
Now daddy has super duper bandages just like Elmo!
Not exactly, son.
You see, you got your COVID vaccine, and I got my methadone.
Yeah, Elmo's heart is beating a little fast right now, but that's okay.
Elmo thinks he needs to go lie down.
I had a lot of questions about Elmo getting the COVID vaccine.
Was it safe?
Was it the right decision?
Why do I talk all black when I look like I'm in Smash Mouth?
The doctor told me I was reading misinformation and said he knew where I worked.
So I told him, I'll do whatever you want.
Just please let me keep feeding my family.
Daddy, Elmo can't move his right arm anymore.
Elmo smells fake toast.
Oh, me too, son.
Get the COVID vaccine in all your children.
We will ask the questions.
I see they had a bit of a branding issue.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
That one seems more startling.
Said to move off that.
Not as forceful.
No.
I don't know if we have time to hit Finland and Sweden with NATO, but I really want to.
So let me rattle through this quickly with Bitch Cassidy Hutchinson.
I'm just going to move on.
So I want to know if you watch this testimony, and right now everyone is saying Amber Heard 2.0 is trending and that's somehow sexist because they're implying that a woman might lie on the stand for personal gain.
So you can comment below.
Toolman, tell them to comment below.
Here she is, the new sweetheart of the left, despite the fact that it was proven verifiably false almost the moment she uttered her words, uh, bitch Cassidy Hutchinson.
Cassidy Hutchinson.
Once a top aide to former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, Cassidy Hutchinson.
So, um, she testified before the January 16th Select Committee.
Oh, come on.
Stop using names like that.
They use it to make it sound like it's really special.
Just like, yeah, they really got away with that with a President Select.
The theatrical production committee.
I know, I get the high quality.
It's when it's cheaper than Fanta.
It's like a Gold Card or a Hilton.
Right.
You know it's a good committee when they have a producer on staff.
Right.
I'm going to stay at the Super 8.
So she testified before the January 6th Select Committee.
We're Wednesday, so that happened Tuesday.
She was making second-hand claims about Trump.
She's now being compared to Watergate surprise witness, if you guys remember, Alexander Butterfield.
Alright, so let's just go through some of the claims.
I wish I didn't have to address this, but unfortunately I do.
Claim number one that she makes.
She claimed that Trump demanded armed supporters be allowed into the rally.
Okay, alright.
Here's the truth.
This is nothing more than hearsay.
She wasn't there for the conversations, and you would know this if you simply listened to the hearing itself.
So Ms.
Hutchinson, is it your understanding that Mr. Ornato told the President about weapons at the rally on the morning of January 6th?
That's what Mr. Ornato relayed to me.
Oh!
So your best friend's sister's cousin's friend's boyfriend knows this guy who saw this person who told this person that Ferris Bueller passed out 31 flavors last night?
Mm-hmm.
Lie!
Lie.
So, here's another claim that she makes.
This is the best one.
That Trump, President, then-President Trump, assaulted... Did you guys hear me when I said she wasn't there?
You guys all heard that, right?
You guys all heard when she said that she wasn't there?
Right, it was told to her by somebody?
Alright, I just want to make sure.
Yeah, that's what I heard.
I just want to make sure.
Because I shouldn't really have to say anything else?
No.
But I'm gonna.
So, uh, she claimed that President Trump assaulted his Secret Service agents.
Reached up towards the front of the vehicle to grab at the steering wheel.
Mr. Engel grabbed his arm, said, sir, you need to take your hand off the steering wheel.
We're going back to the West Wing.
We're not going to the Capitol.
Mr. Trump then used his free hand to lunge towards Bobby Engel.
When Mr. Renato had recounted this story to me, he had motioned towards his goggles.
Don't you love... Okay, just hit the truth button.
Don't you love how detailed that is?
For a story that she was told by somebody else?
Yeah.
That's how you know when someone is lying, when they're providing a detailed description of something.
This is how you know Joe Biden was lying, because he didn't just, like, fib or exaggerate.
Donald Trump was like a bullshitter, where, you know, Donald Trump, let's say he's, you know, he's a pretty rich guy.
He's like, I'm the richest guy!
A lot of people say that I'm richer than anybody.
A lot of people say I'm really rich.
Well, they say you're rich.
They say I'm the biggest rich.
You know that?
He would exaggerate.
Joe Biden would make up stories.
I'm big and rich.
I'm on tour.
Save a horse, ride me.
That's not big and rich's song.
It doesn't work without the cowboy bit.
Well, a lot of people say mine's a better version.
Nobody says that.
A lot of people do.
So Joe Biden would tell stories about people he didn't meet.
In places that didn't exist.
Like Amy's Diner.
I go down every day to Amy's Diner.
There's no Amy's Diner there.
There's no Amy's Diner.
You did not meet the Pope at Amy's Diner.
You did not take a dump in his hat at Amy's Diner.
And she's sitting there saying, and then he wanted to grab the steering wheel.
Lady, where were his hands?
His hands were at 12 and 6.
And he then, after taking a deep breath, oh wait a second, you're lying.
Yeah.
So here's another bit of truth for you.
She owns one suit?
The story is complete nonsense.
According to a Secret Service official, who I believe was there, immediately announced that Ornato denied telling Hutchinson anything of the sort.
There's so much he said, she said at this point, and when it's just he said, she said, and she wasn't there, I believe he So, the Secret Service also stated that Angle was security detail, and the driver are prepared to testify under oath that neither man was physically attacked or assaulted, and that the former president never lunged for the steering wheel.
So look, she wasn't there immediately upon her making these statements, which by the way, CNN is just, they're just now mentioning it happened immediately, and keep in mind, they just ran the story earlier, right?
Shocking testimony.
Now they have as a separate segment, when they know there are fewer viewers, and a much shorter segment, by the way, some ex-aides to Trump might say that that wasn't true.
They mean people who were there.
People who might actually know.
Also, here's something else that doesn't necessarily mean she's lying.
You can make up your mind.
I have made up mine.
She was prepared to take a job offer with Trump after allegedly being told this story.
Can you imagine that? It's an odd deal because if he's so violent you would want to be around him.
I mean, right, yeah. He assaults drivers. I know that these guys are willing to come out and be
like, ah yeah, that was BS, but let's just think about this, all right? Think about presidential
protection procedures and the kind of layout that they have in these cars. So you're telling me that
Donald Trump... And the guys who are hired to do it. Yes, the guys that are the best in the world
You're telling me that President Trump, in his 70s, was able to not reach and lunge for the steering wheel, because maybe I could buy that he's pissed off, or he sees a Diet Coke can, one of the two.
Also, by the way, if he's in the back seat, he's Mr. Fantastic.
That's true.
Or Freddy Krueger in the alleyway to reach the steering wheel.
Because we all know, yeah, he's right.
Is he sitting shotgun for some reason?
Yeah, exactly.
She said he grabbed his hand off the steering wheel and said, Mr. President, take your hand off the steering wheel.
That's not lunging for it, that's grabbing it, right?
So that's something that's a little off.
And two, hand on the steering wheel.
The other hand is now reaching for the throat.
How is he suspending his body in midair doing that with nothing to break himself?
You've failed to take into account the third hand.
Yes.
And that she's lying.
So he took Viagra.
That's almost more pivotal.
It's true.
That's a good point.
I'm gonna give that one to you.
Thank you.
But couldn't you just sit there and think through that one and go, I don't need the Secret Service to come out and tell me that you're lying because your story just told me that you were lying.
Yeah, exactly.
Hashtag believe all women.
Why would we do that?
Why would we do that?
I don't believe all men.
People used to swear under oath because they actually believed in their country and their God, and now you just need such a mountain of evidence that it doesn't matter anymore.
You're under oath just lying.
You know you're lying.
Oh, it's very, very hard to make perjury stick.
It's just sad.
But a hundred years ago, in court, all you could really rely on was testimony.
Right!
That's why the punishments were severe.
I was there, and I tell you that that man, he did, he actually reached for the reins to try and kill somebody.
And then someone says, well, all of us were there, and that lady is a lying bitch.
Ma'am, is this true?
Yes, I did lie.
Oh, well, to the gallows, wasn't it?
Put your hand on the Bible, and she's like, I'm a piece of shit!
But I made her!
Swear to me!
But now, it's like, you have to have just so much evidence, so much, you know, it's just, it's so apparent that she's lying.
By the way, to clarify, you mean so much evidence to prove that someone is lying?
Yes.
Yeah, that's the problem.
You need no evidence to make the claim.
No, none!
But so much evidence to prove, it's like, well, hold on a second, you said this, yeah, and you weren't there, right, and the people who are more directly involved, just to give you an idea, Just they have no moral compass.
Just to give you an idea too, this is how we determined which books to be included in the Bible.
Just to be clear.
That's how important it is.
It was the standard of apostolicity.
Am I saying that correctly?
I think so, yes.
It was basically you were there with Jesus or you immediately were connected to someone who was there with Jesus Christ.
That's what Well, you had all these other people who were writing random books and they weren't included.
Not because of some crazy conspiracy.
That's why they said, okay, this is the Bible.
We are including this because these people either had direct first-hand accounts or had close relationships with those who did.
And we can verify their stories.
We can verify their stories.
New Testament books to determine which ones got in.
13th Apostle Wally is not included.
Right, he's not included.
He's always telling lies.
Right.
Yeah, no, I was there.
And Matt, Matt worked, he worked at the Sandals store like he was a tax collector.
No, no, I'm pretty sure it was sandals.
You sold ice cream.
What?
Years later in another country, when other books were found, we didn't include them.
Right, exactly.
You can find random people trying to capitalize on it and he wrote it on a horse with a horn.
I was like, are you trying to say unicorn?
Yes, will that get me a better book advance?
Shut up!
That was Tom Cruise!
Hey, your words, not mine.
I'm just asking you if you said it!
Yeah, Jesus started arresting people for future crimes.
I don't think you were there.
With metal spiders!
And this one bald bitch kept screaming!
Are you just reciting Minority Report?
Yes, hey, you said it, pal, not me.
I'm just telling you what happened.
Then he reached for the steering wheel.
And hit the throat of a trained professional fighter.
And Mark Wahlberg's like, if I was in that car, I wouldn't have gone down like that, okay?
Okay.
Alright.
So... The new New Testament where you're like, this is just... I don't even understand this.
Good vibrations.
Such a sweet sensation.
What is this?
Is this the Funky Bunch?
Yeah, that sounds about right, pal.
You lost the originals, huh?
And here's the thing, it's so silly and so obviously false, I don't have a problem with a liar lying.
I have a problem with people who claim that they are not liars, namely the media, the institutions that you're supposed to trust, immediately believing this far-fetched tale.
It's like an Aesop fable with no moral.
So George Conway said, decades from now people will be asking each other, where were you when Cassidy Hutchinson testified?
Yeah, because it's like 9-11.
Yeah, I don't know, doing anything else that matters?
I don't know, I might have been doing some dishes.
Yeah, or AOC during January 6th.
I almost died seven blocks away.
Are you alright?
I am now.
It was a police officer.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, I was in upstate New York during 9-11.
He said I was a police officer.
We all lost something in 9-11.
I lost my class schedule.
It's tough.
You were in Syracuse, that's what was it?
I'm just saying, we all lost things.
I'm just saying.
Yeah.
Don't tread on my truth.
That's not... all right.
I lost a hat.
So, historian Heather Richardson Hutchinson thinks like I used to when I was younger.
You were retarded?
She can see it all in her head.
Oh, thanks Christopher Walken's dead zone.
I've lost that gift, but I can- hold on a second.
This is a historian.
Let me read this again just so you understand the depths of my disdain for these people.
Where's she from?
Heather Richardson, she's a historian.
No, I know she's a historian, but I want to know where she works as a historian.
Yeah, I don't know.
She's like, she's the national treasure historian.
Underneath this map is where Thomas Jefferson's gold chains are!
I have the gift to see the past.
But not the present.
Hey, can you see the future padded room?
That is unclear.
So historian Heather Richardson.
Yeah, if you guys can tell me where she's a historian.
It's the Huffington Post.
It's the magic eight ball factory of historians.
Yeah, exactly.
All signs point to yes.
She wrote!
Hutchinson thinks like I used to when I was younger.
She can see it all in her head.
I've lost that gift, but I could absolutely recognize it in someone else.
I've lost the gift.
I can't feel the magic anymore.
Professor of History at Boston College.
Maybe the drama from the Boston Marathon bombing is what caused her to lose her gift.
By the way, I should note, she's a historian now.
She said Boston and I was gonna make a marathon joke, but I'm not going don't do that
I get that was it was a her joke. Well that yeah Maybe the drama from the Boston Marathon bombing is what
caused her to lose her gift true That's what she just tells her. Yeah, I should note. She's
a historian now. She used to be professional Oracle. Yes I'm sorry. I can't teach you anything
I've lost my gifts.
I'm sorry, class.
You're going to have to just go through your own homework amongst yourselves and grade your own papers.
I have to go dance with a sash in front of Leonidas.
And they are going to ravage me.
If you want to know history, just Google it.
Yes.
I used to be able to, but I've lost my touch with the keyboard.
PhD from Harvard, and she also previously taught at University of Massachusetts and MIT.
Wow, so she has tainted the minds of so many people.
I can see it.
You sound like the iRobot.
Wait, if I take your class, will it hurt?
No.
Yeah.
Hahaha!
Yes.
Yeah!
Hahaha!
Hahaha!
What'd you say?
I've lost the gift?
It's like, we're done here?
Yeah, we're done.
We're done.
Thanks for admitting it.
And by the way, retroactively, we're going to remove any and all contributions you've made to MIT, Harvard, Boston College.
Think about this.
We talk about checks and balances.
Harvard!
MIT!
Boston College!
And no one said... No one, when she went through the hiring process or along the path while she's teaching kids, where she said, I can see it all in my head.
I have the gifts that... I'm sorry, what?
You're lucky I'm here.
I have to go find a missing person as I normally do with police every week.
Just hand me the milk carton blindfolded.
I'll find him!
Where's your favorite toy?
She's in a well.
No, that's not me.
That's AOC.
You want her to sniff it and then she'll... I see.
Oh, it turns out I just have good smell like a dog.
Yes.
Well, that makes sense considering that I'm half dog, you know.
Yes, that's why I look like this.
AOC knows she's most dog.
She's a reverse canine centaur, as we know them in the hallowed halls of Harvard.
All of us have the gifts, you see.
Okay, can I read your poem?
Ah, you bit me.
When she goes from Harvard to Boston College, she just rolls in like Charles Xavier with a helmet.
I hear you need a historian.
All good. We're good.
She's just staring at a desk, trying to lift it for 45 minutes.
Like, man, what are you doing?
In a minute.
And stop stealing our spoons!
It's not a trick, you're just carrying them to your car.
With your brittle, liver-spotted fingers.
Those are the spots of my gift, leaving my body!
Just throwing your spoons at people.
I have a gift.
Well look, if she's lost her gift, she's also lost her judgment, because she thinks that this is a good way to wrap up her report.
I'm sorry, yeah, that's right.
I didn't even get through the whole quote.
Historian at Boston College.
Heather Richardson said, Hutchinson thinks like I used to when I was young.
I'm reading the quote for the third time, it's just so funny.
Hutchinson thinks like I used to when I was younger.
She can see it all in her head.
I've lost that gift, but I can absolutely recognize it in someone else.
That's my current gift.
The dripping ketchup story is a dead giveaway for the accuracy of her memory.
She is reliable.
Like, now her new gift is she thinks like Jedi mind trick where she just says it and like, she is reliable.
She is reliable.
Amber Heard is not a whore.
Amber Heard is not a whore.
She pooped nowhere.
You have it.
You have the fire starter.
Oh my gosh.
It's terrible.
I can see the story with such detail that I can't rely on it.
Quick!
Hand me the Goblet of Lyre!
I don't need to read any.
What is this?
Anne Applebaum of the Atlantic?
Is that what I have next?
Yeah.
The image of Cassie Hutchinson, age 25, helping the waiter wipe the ketchup off the wall after the president had thrown it there will stay with me.
Why?
Why?
Let's assume that the president threw ketchup against the wall because he was pissed.
Is that really the worst crime he can commit?
And by the way, just to tie in the one flew over the cuckoo's nest level of insanity, remember how insane AOC was in the previous segment?
Here she's reacting on the late show with Colbert.
To understand and see the detail and the depth through which there was also just a conscientiousness of guilt.
They knew that what they were doing was wrong.
When, at the very end of this hearing, you hear that Mark Meadows, the Chief of Staff to the President himself, asked for a pardon because he knew that he was breaking the law in order to seize power and undermine democracy in the United States of America.
It is stunning.
It is absolutely stunning.
And that the president himself was willing to choke his own secret service.
Oh, come on.
In order to do so.
Do you know the detail about that that I like?
Is that he goes to grab the wheel and this is how long it's been since he's driven himself anywhere.
He thinks you can drive from the back seat.
Yeah.
He forgot about the pedals.
Yes.
And all that.
I should have told you something, Steven.
You seem like you're on the right track.
I can't believe that was his response.
She brings upon the end of time.
Yes.
Legend has it that if you see the left googly eye, you turn to stone.
Don't look her right in her left eye.
Don't.
Wait, did you say right or left?
Hey, by the way, do you know why those people were asking for pardons?
It wasn't because they broke the law.
It's because they were afraid- Whether it's the left or right is merely an illusion.
No, you just- Choice is not real.
No.
Sorry, go ahead.
They were afraid of political witch hunts.
Yeah.
I wonder why.
Right.
I wonder why they were afraid of political witch hunts.
Not breaking the law.
Not something they deserve to go to jail for.
Political witch hunts.
I wonder why.
Gerald, don't be afraid.
I'm not.
I use these gifts for good.
But you said you lost it.
But there's petals.
Yes.
As well?
My gift doesn't encompass that.
What?
Mr. President, I will simply step on the brakes.
My gift is limited to lawnmower engines or lower.
Oh my gosh.
I guess we're going to have to do Sweden and Finland joining NATO tomorrow.
My answer is no.
They want in.
They owe a few hundred billion dollars in back pay.
Level up first.
Yeah, no kidding.
But I hear Sweden has the gift, but they've never given us the gift.
They have not given the gift.
That's the tale as old as time with me, historian something Hutchinson from Boston College.
Song as old as time.
It's a song as old as time is the gift can be wielded for good or tremendous evil power.
Walks up to Michael Moore.
I've lost my gift!
Goo be gone!
I'm melting!
Tries to correct AOC's vision.
Normal eye.
Nope, didn't do it.
Spits in dirt, perhaps it's not her eye.
Are there worse?
Are they better?
No, I just didn't want to look at it.
Yes!
Just puts her hand on Joe Biden's head like she's curing his brain-like phenomenon.
I'm taking all its degradation into me.
I've lost the gift.
I don't have it.
I don't have it.
It's the same thing as the alien.
It's like scary.
Touches Haunter Biden's head.
IT COMES WITH GREAT PAIN AND RESPONSIBILITIES!
THE GIFT'S NOT WITHOUT ITS SHACKLES!
HA!
THE GIFT IS BACK!
I'VE NEVER SEEN THINGS SO CLEAR!
My eyes are just bleeding.
Can she be a recurring character?
What's her name?
What Hutchinson?
Was it Amanda Hutchinson?
Heather Hutchinson!
Heather Hutchinson.
Her name was Heather Hutchinson.
I don't know, Heather Cox Richardson.
Oh, Heather Cox Richardson.
Hutchinson is the British cast name.
All right.
Let me ask you, my final question is, do you also have the gift?
We're going to go to a...
The only gift that I want but in a cruel trick of nature I cannot procure is more time
So terrible This is real.
I would walk into her class like a revolving door and walk right out.
You just walk in the gift.
Bye-bye.
No, no, wait!
I've lost it!
We need to do that.
We need to go there.
We need to go to Boston College.
We need to come see you fellas.
Just dress, yeah, in a certain way, like, kind of like a witch, like that dude yesterday, and just be like, I want to talk to you.
Dress like a bottle of ketchup and walk in the classroom.
I hear that you bear the mark.
How'd you know?
Just a tattoo she got in a Fruit Loop box.
How'd you know about Sam?
She's a refused watcher.
First name Toucan!
Cause you toucan have the gift.
Yes!
Only you can't really, only I have the gift.
But I lost it, but I did have a gift.
Hey, if you want more, loudmouthcrowder.com slash tour is the Rebels with a Cause.
It kicks off, me and Dave, in Phoenix, September 16th at the Arizona Federal Theater.
That's the big one.
And then we have Houston the very next day at, what is Houston?
Smart Financial Center in Sugar Land.
And I've seen you folks in Houston, should be called Sugar Foot.
Dave is gonna be July 15th, 16th, Columbus, Ohio.
The Funny Bone, yes.
The Funny Bone?
Yeah, the weekend of July 29th.
The Funny Bone in Omaha, Nebraska.
And if you don't mind, Lapeer, Michigan, July 9th.
I'll be bringing my gift.
Yes, and then we are going to go discuss dealing with hecklers here on Mug Club that we cannot show here because every now and then someone in the audience has the gift.
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