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Feb. 9, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:08:15
Landau Live! Caitlyn Jenner, Embezzling Nuns, and White Apologists! ​| Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
♫ ♫
♫ With common sense and self-defense, get you accused of transphobia.
It's living in hell with constant urine smell.
Everybody's freaked out by Omicron.
So I'm headed back to my side of the track Even though my head's full of QAnon
I'm coming home In America
Yeah, I'm right back with reckless abandon Here in America!
Where the bumpers read Let's Go Brandon!
Here in America!
I can save up to retire!
Here in America!
And the Walgreens is never on fire!
Here in America When no one asked if I put on a mask
No bubbles grabbing at my wife's buttocks.
No rainbow flags, or 10 cent grocery bags.
No one shooting up inside of the Starbucks.
I can't order both, and don't count by both.
No one asks for your pronouns.
I'll sleep in peace, cause we still have police, and no governor.
I'm coming home!
Here in America!
Yeah, I'm right back with redness abandoned Here in America!
Where the buffers read, let's go, Brandon Here in America!
I can save up to retire Here in America!
And the wall breaches never on fire Here in America!
BrannerScope.com BrannerScope.com
I forgot to slurp.
I've got slurp.
Nailed it.
Made some movies I'm not proud of.
Ahoy, everyone!
That's a great start.
And welcome to Louder with Crowder with Dave.
Great.
All right.
Yes, you're still Dave.
I just want to make sure I'm still me.
Sorry we were a little bit late today.
I know some of you guys get a little uppity in the feed.
So, you know, why don't you calm down?
So go ahead.
Scold the audience immediately.
We love you.
We just want you to love us back.
You can't say uppity anymore, Dave.
Why?
Uppity.
You can't?
Well, you didn't say the other part.
No, okay.
Yeah, we're good.
Oh, I just thought it was a word that meant... Uptight.
Oh, yeah.
Uptight.
Yeah, there we go.
I like that.
Uptight.
Uptight.
Uptight is alright.
Don't get... what was it?
Get all wee-weed up.
Don't get like that.
Who said that to you?
Your pimp?
Former president, actually.
Yes, it was.
Is he talking about his pants?
Well, no.
Anyway, today we got Gerald Day, of course, in studio.
How are you, sir?
Ah, good.
Ahoy to you.
Yeah.
Ahoy.
Ahoy.
We got Token Allen.
Uh-oh.
Ahoy.
We got Keegan-Michael Keybump.
There you go.
Tim the Toolman.
How are you, sir?
Yeah, I'm good, I can't complain.
And of course, one of my favorite people, Crawdaddy himself!
There it is again.
How are you?
I feel like you're going to hit me every time I say that.
It seems to be working, I don't know.
It's a good nickname, I'm telling you.
It sounds like you're a Louisiana mob boss when I say that.
You know what I mean?
Feels better.
You don't want to see that Crawdaddy.
No.
Once he comes by.
He mean bitin' it!
He mean bitin' it!
Do what he say!
He took my thumb!
Can't do anything now!
So as you know, we are a live show Monday through Thursday at 10am-ish Eastern.
We are on Rumble, Podcast, Mug Club, all that good stuff.
And today, question of the day!
What's your favorite thing about white people?
That's not triggering.
So go ahead.
What could go wrong there?
Go ahead, why don't you smash that like button right now and leave a comment.
What is your favorite thing about white people?
Money?
Is that what we're supposed to take away from that?
The cash.
How easily they'll let you take their shoes.
So smash that like button, and also, we've got some shows coming up.
Yeah, Dave, well you've got March 25th at the Ames Center in Burnsville, Minnesota.
That's right.
So that's going to be fantastic.
Make sure you go online and get that info and tickets.
Yep, my buddy Matt McClary will be with me, and Steven Crowder, a good friend of mine, I don't know if you know that, you may have heard of him.
April 16th, we've just added a show to the Royal Oak Music Theater in Royal Oak, Michigan.
A 4 p.m.
show because that sold out rather quickly.
It did!
Yeah, so check out louderwithcrowder.com for all your other dates.
Those areas should just be thawing out around the end of March.
Right around then, yes.
People wearing shorts in 40 degree weather because it's sunny.
Washing their car.
That's true.
We're done with winter!
Oh yeah, it'd be 32 degrees and you're golfing in shorts.
Oh, you're loving it.
I remember the days.
You're like wearing a sweatshirt and shorts and like, ah, this is great.
Sun.
It feels so good.
You get to hit the new potholes after nine months of clouds.
That's a thing people don't talk about.
Don't you miss the change of seasons?
I don't miss nine months of clouds.
Yeah.
There's really no seasons.
It's just depression all the time.
And then there's like eight days where you're like, I don't want to die today.
Oh, that's great.
That's why they bring you in for some levity.
Perhaps I'll go for a jog.
And then you don't.
You just end up staying inside and watching TV on the only beautiful day you get.
At least Dave Landau's in town.
That helps.
Yes, yes.
We'll go see this guy.
Come out to the Royal Music Theater.
Now, I don't know if you guys know this, February, Black History Month.
Yeah!
So we'd like to share with you some Black History Facts.
Boom!
Yeah, you gotta break it down.
That was terrible.
Yeah, because he pulled the stinger off me right away.
Well, I mean, you didn't hear the music coming?
No.
Just as you were showing your favorite thing about white people, rhythm.
Yeah, I know, exactly.
Thanks, Dave.
I also sing well, too, and I don't dance.
No.
Even at weddings or anything, I'm like, I'm not going out there.
I used to breakdance.
Did you?
I did, for real.
For real?
For real?
Were you any good at it?
No.
Did you have your own piece of linoleum or did you use a box top?
No, I just would do it at parties.
You didn't care the friction level of the floor.
No, no.
I was very drunk.
It didn't matter.
It was simply to get a laugh.
Carpet burns galore.
I can't spin.
Dave, if you don't take your pants off, it won't happen, okay?
Well, sometimes I would.
I would have a cardboard box and no pants.
And now the best man with the toast.
Dave?
Yeah, he is.
Get up, Dave.
Hello, everyone.
He's not wearing pants!
Why does he do this on every special occasion?
He's a sick man.
That's the 17th time I've seen his pants.
I don't like pants.
They're leg prisons.
Well, let's go ahead and share these facts.
CroixDaddy, would you mind sharing number one?
I could read it.
In 1908, Jack Johnson became the first African-American man to hold the world heavyweight champion.
Boxing titles.
Really?
This is Steven's wheelhouse.
He loves the boxing stuff, right?
So in August of 1936, Jesse Owen shocked the Nazi Germany by winning four gold medals at the Berlin Olympic Games, meant to promote the Aryan race as being superior.
Whoops.
Wow.
Bad idea.
Well, that may be, but the greatest black athlete of all time?
Larry Bird.
Wow.
So there you go.
These have been Black History Facts!
It's funny you guys chose Larry Bird.
Maybe the control center can find Isaiah Thomas' comments about Larry Bird where he said, if he were black he'd be just another basketball player.
Can you imagine that?
Mind it guys.
It was scandalous back then.
Larry Bird's the real deal.
You don't say that about him.
No, he was amazing.
Magic Johnson had this great, there's a documentary on him where they were talking about Larry Bird and when he went to meet him he didn't realize he was white.
And he was like, oh wow, and he's like, that dude was for real, like one of the toughest players he ever played.
There was that famous poster of him diving to save a ball and he said, the line is, I just hate it when they let it go out of bounds.
Can you imagine?
A guy you pay that much diving into the stands just to save a loose ball.
He was a competitor.
Guys that paid thousands of dollars for floor seats don't like their foot in their eye.
It just hits Jack Nicholson's stupid sunglasses.
Just to his corn dog he's eating.
How'd you die?
Well, I was floor side at the Lakers.
The bird was in town.
Oh, man.
I love Jordan vs. Bird on Nintendo.
I don't know if you ever played that.
No.
That was always a good game.
He looks to me for gaming.
There was also Magic vs. AIDS.
It wasn't a fun game.
I had Pong.
Yeah, oddly you win.
It was weird.
A was continue to play the game and B was stop having sex with so many individuals that you don't know.
And you always hit A, I don't know why.
Yeah, it was a preventative game and your only option was no.
It was choose your own adventure.
It's like, but this is only one adventure.
Why not try AIDS?
I love that that was a diet pill.
And a diet disease.
Well, makes you...
It's been right before.
That's good cocoa.
Is it?
Do you have cocoa?
No, I have vitamin stuff.
That desk gets two mugs.
One has something tasty and I only get water.
You don't deserve either.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
You're lucky.
You get bread and water.
That's all you get.
Like my mother would tell me, I would get in prison.
If you go to jail, you just get bread and water.
And then I went to jail, and I was like, you get more than that, but it's not good.
Yeah, there are other things.
Mom.
Liar.
And speaking of jail... It was way better than your room beneath the stairs in Detroit.
Like, oh, they feed you every day?
Yeah, perfect.
That's better than this place.
Right, no kidding.
Well, I don't know if you guys have seen this, Showtime put out this new series called Everything's Gonna Be All White.
Oh boy.
It's extremely racist, to be honest.
Really, really uncomfortable.
Enjoy!
I think what annoys me most about white people is when they pretend like they're the victim.
What's also annoying is when they, you know, when they kill us.
What is fragile about whiteness when everything has been constructed around it?
Every part of who I am has been distorted or criminalized.
It's really just a bunch of white lies.
We're storming the Capitol!
You're not patriots.
You're ridiculous.
One of the definitions of American whiteness is ignorance.
White people, we are not your problem.
You are.
Should white people today feel any responsibility for slavery?
Hell yeah.
White Jesus or black Jesus?
Jesus was not white.
Middle Eastern.
Or black.
Neither.
White culture fears the end of the world.
For us as native people, the end of the world already happened, like, multiple times.
It's called defeated.
How are you talking?
Salmon is a monument.
These are mementos of racism.
Bring that tattoo dad.
Put up a T.C.
B.Y.
yogurt or something.
Everybody can get behind.
The truth has to be told about history.
We have to make sure that these stories are told from our perspective.
There's always hope.
If you Google POC POV, I think different videos come up.
This is a wild place, y'all.
It's a wild place.
I know Harriet and Frederick be up there just like, what is they gonna do?
Was it, Gerald?
No.
Well, I feel great about myself.
Let's move on.
I don't want to talk anymore about this.
Let's move on.
This is terrible.
This is just absolutely...
It's nothing but landmines.
I know!
Yeah, I just can't wait to watch TV in the future.
More programming like this, Dave, is on its way.
I know, that's what I've heard, actually.
It's the entertainment business, and there's always similar companies trying to compete.
And there is actually a project, and it comes from the Hallmark Channel.
Oh, good.
It's premiering its very own series on Race, Pretty Fly for a White Lie.
Black people, I mean, nothing really.
I voted for Obama. I mean, I didn't vote. I would have voted for Obama, but...
Well, uh... oh, jeez. I mean, I like black people.
I mean, I would have voted for Obama a third time.
I guess if I had to pick one thing, maybe just in movie theaters, if you could not talk so loud.
Now, if it's Madea's Halloween, go crazy.
I mean, I get it.
It's hilarious.
But if it's the new Tom Hanks picture, I mean, I'd just like to kind of enjoy that with my sweetheart, so.
You know, I do get nervous when my overweight nurse has six-inch press on nails.
One small thing, I just ask that you just don't push my grandma, my harmony, in front of the train again.
I do want to apologize for some of the modern inconveniences that we might have caused.
For example, airplanes.
Electricity.
Modern medicine can be pretty expensive.
Calculus.
Clothes.
I guess when I'm filling up my tank, could you please just not yell, hey yo white bitch?
Democracy can get kind of rough.
Uh, space travel.
Maybe on a job application.
You don't put under prior work experience.
We was Kangs.
I've been supporting myself through college.
Tipping would be nice.
Who knows what's out there.
We could have like aliens or like the moon could explode.
There's just, you know, we put that on you.
So I do apologize for that.
Saw your son today.
Uh, Maybe give him a call. I think he'd really appreciate it.
Hallmark always pushing the other. Yeah it's crazy. Who knew? It's actually way
way less offensive than the other one but we're gonna get more trouble. It's absolutely true.
I mean, it looks like a good series.
I think both will have their points.
I would watch the second one.
Hallmark is not my favorite channel, but I would watch.
No, very white channel, though.
Really?
Hallmark, have you seen it?
Yeah, of course.
A lot of whites.
It's sort of like the do-it-yourself channel, which is now the Waco, Texas couple channel.
Ah, yeah.
Where they just come in and they're like, you should open up your house.
I feel like Gene Kane owns a whole lot of Hallmark now, too.
I think he does.
Love him for it, but, you know, come on.
Did that young white guy use the term picture?
Referring to a movie?
Like Tom Hanks' picture?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
The Tom Hanks.
Hey, kid!
Talkie, see?
Yeah, come on, come to the picture show!
The pictures!
It's not gonna be in there!
You don't wanna be in pictures, kid.
Ah!
Come on, it's a double feature!
Just don't talk in it, see?
We have nothing to do, it's 1958.
Go ahead.
You can't heckle it, it's not live.
Let's go to the ballgame, sit in the hot hot sun, watch a man in an all-wool suit in 800 degrees yell racist things at Jackie Robinson.
Oh my god.
You're absolutely right.
We're going to take more heat for that than Showtime or whoever's doing the other one.
Well, I know a couple of comics in the other one.
You know, it's all a joke, but, you know, people get pissed because, you know, you can only make jokes when they're... Well, I just found out from that one I'm responsible for slavery, so...
Well, I think slavery's a terrible thing.
I just want to say that.
I mean, unless you're on the profit side, then it's pretty good.
I mean, unless you're on the profit side, then it's pretty good.
I mean, it's like 100% profit.
It's a terrible thing.
Right?
Removing labor costs.
How do you mean we don't pay people?
Ah, yeah.
Oh, that's a great idea.
It just makes common sense.
Amazon's coming as close as they can.
Well, they're trying their hardest.
Unfortunately, there's stuff going on that it does involve slavery, though.
Like, you know, child trafficking is a serious problem in this country.
And, uh, recently, a woman had a demonic freakout.
Really?
Yeah, after being arrested at the border for human smuggling.
They're all shaped like bumblebees.
The power of Christ compels you!
This is Nacho Day.
Why has she not burst into flames?
Oh, she's got some leverage.
Got some leverage on her now.
Oh, she's got some strength.
That's PCP.
Is that Latin?
Oh, oh gosh.
Satan, be careful of those Warby Parkers.
I believe she's Latin, but the language is English.
The power of Christ compels you.
Protect those Ray-Bans.
Yeah, exactly.
I like how he tries to not hurt the sunglasses.
We'll make sure to get these back to you.
Those look designer.
I like those.
Those are nice.
Stop it.
She traffics children.
The demon won't need them.
No, of course not.
Well, we actually found out where she worked and was selling these people out of, unfortunately, and we do have some footage of that.
Oh boy.
My favorite's pumpkin pie.
What do you like?
I'm not really sure what they're advertising.
around our best selection of pussies, this is a pussy blowout!
Alright, we got white pussies, black pussies, Spanish pussies, yellow pussies,
we got hot pussies, cold pussies, we got wet pussies.
Oh, oh lord.
My favorite's pumpkin pie.
What do you like?
I'm not really sure what they're advertising.
It's good to see Clint Howard still working.
The seventh level of hell.
I think she looks better with the mustache.
I mean, honestly, if you had the woman we just saw in the video and Cheech Marin, I'm gonna take a stab at Cheech.
And I've met Cheech.
Choose wisely.
Did you ever meet Cheech?
No, never met Cheech.
I met Tommy Chong.
I opened for Tommy Chong.
Get this, guy, he was high the whole time.
No.
I'm like, be a professional.
Who could have seen that coming?
These people are paid to see you.
What if they find out you're lit?
These weren't characters?
They actually did smoke pot.
Can you imagine being upset by that and not understanding anyone's interest?
Honey, we are leaving.
He, I can smell the weed.
This man is stoned.
I thought they were acting.
This man is clearly...
Clearly high.
Unbelievable.
We're leaving.
I'll never see one of his pictures again.
Let's go to watch a Dean Cain Hallmark movie.
Dean's not here!
How many puppies can save Christmas?
Depends.
You guys heard of Singapore?
It's a place?
Yeah, it definitely is a place.
Have you been?
Never.
No.
No.
Never wanted to go?
They would cane me.
That's true.
I've been.
Have you been to Singapore?
I have.
That's cool.
What, like a sex tourism or what'd you do?
No, actually I was fighting human trafficking in Cambodia and then we went down there to meet some people and raise some money to do that, Dave.
Did you really?
That's actually 100% true.
He's better than you, David.
Wow.
I went down there for the same reason.
I mean, not fighting it.
The other way.
He fought more of a client.
The urge!
I was kind of fighting you guys.
I knew you looked familiar!
Get out of here!
How did you do that?
Did you just go into a brothel and just...
Oh no, I couldn't do that.
They took me through the area.
In fact, we were in Sihanoukville, which is close to Thailand.
And then we went to Angkor Wat as well.
So those are two big areas for it.
And they're like, yeah, at night, this place right here will be full of people.
And I was there like, you should come down here.
Nobody will stop you just so you can see it.
And I was like, no, I'm gonna end up dying.
Because I'm gonna see some, you know, eight-year-old girl being... Exactly.
And I was just like, I'm not gonna be able to walk away and I'll die.
Oh, man.
Did you save some?
No, well, not... Well, good job.
The goal was not to actually go and physically... Look, I don't have a specific set of skills, okay?
I was just gonna walk in.
We actually set up housing... Six-five white guy over there.
Who's gonna notice?
I have a very particular set of skills.
Very specific set of skills.
It's not this.
Enjoy her.
It's being stabbed by 75 men as they walk in unarmed.
Being beaten by a sex cartel.
Wasn't it Singapore where the kid threw some gum in the street and was gonna get caned?
He got caned.
No, he did get caned.
It was like in the 90s.
Because the leader, emperor, whatever it was at the time, had stepped in gum and so he outlawed it.
I chewed gum on a train and people were looking at me like, this American's about to get it.
The most risky thing you can do is have Bubblicious.
Yeah, everybody was parting, like, moving away from me.
Sex trafficking, okay, but Bubblicious?
You don't want to catch a beating on accident!
Oh yeah, look at this!
See?
Why they ban chewing gum.
Yeah, tellin' ya.
Can you imagine you steppin' chewing gum and the rest of the country has to pay for that?
Yeah, exactly.
Oops.
It happens.
Haven't you ever owned shoes?
Well, Kim Jong owns the haircut.
You can't don that, no.
Well, what a tragedy for everyone.
If you fall out in the Kim Jong Un, you're gonna get it.
Can I get the thick lesbian from Orange is the New Black?
Sorry, the leader is the only one that can get that.
I think it's more than a caning, though.
Oh my gosh.
Love it.
Well in Singapore, a news report at the Olympics caught Singaporeans off guard with some
a homosexual act that was in the background.
The men were caned and then punished.
Severely beaten.
This was actually the first time... Stelter volunteered to do the punishing.
He's like, I'll punish him.
This was actually the first time, though, that many Singaporeans have ever seen two gay men kiss.
Really?
So yeah, there were some street reactions.
Oh, you should see what happens when somebody steps in gum.
Yeah.
It's the latest Indiana Jones.
Real painful.
Terrible?
Yes.
It's actually the first time I've seen that guy, so I was a bit shocked.
Really?
Gay men kissing?
I live in the Hallmark world.
I was about to say, do you not watch any television at all?
Dean Cain never kissed another guy in the Hallmark family.
No, that's true.
You haven't seen like a Chase Bank ad?
Because that's relevant.
Yeah.
No, that's weird.
You're right, though.
Like, every time I look at my phone, it's like, oh, it's like three men and a dog?
I'm like, this is Bank of America?
This is your ad?
Like, I don't understand.
I get it.
We should accept people.
I'm on board with that.
But what does this have to do with banking?
Yeah.
Never going back to that ATM.
Inclusivity.
Ew.
Lots of deposits!
I just go in just to make people uncomfortable and go, this appeared on my phone.
I need to close every account I have.
I'm just, I'm uncomfortable.
I'm actually afraid of these people.
Are you homophobic?
It's like, no, I just, I just don't understand your reasoning.
I don't like your ad spend.
I don't blame them, though.
There is a lot of disposable income in the gay community.
Is there?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's why they spruce up neighborhoods.
You ever notice that?
That's why they spruce up neighborhoods?
I don't think that's why.
Well, they're decorative people.
We can say that, right?
They're not decorations, Dick!
No, they are very good at... They're good at decorating.
They're good at designing.
They have an eye.
They have good taste.
They have an eye for it.
Yeah.
They used to be called Dinks.
Double income, no kids.
Yep.
Oh!
That's true.
That's true.
Absolutely.
Well, it could be a couple.
Any couple.
Maybe other meanings as well.
Yeah, it could be a lot of other... That was the acronym.
They were actually called Twink Dinks.
I have two, Josh.
All right.
So, you guys know Joe Biden, former vice president?
Sure.
Former vice president.
Yeah.
Joseph R. Biden.
Joseph Robinette Biden.
Is that his name?
Robinette.
Robinette.
And you know in French, TTE is the feminine version of any name.
Yeah.
And I think they do it in Spanish as well.
He's not French, though.
No?
He's not French.
But it would have been Joseph Robin Biden.
Would have worked.
Robinette.
You know he spent a lot of time in lockers.
Oh, absolutely.
How in the world do I not know?
The Hurt Locker.
Let's get Robinette, yeah!
How could you name someone that?
That's weird.
People have awful names.
They do.
Robinette, let's go with that.
That's not even a good name for a woman.
They're like, Joe.
Okay, that's safe.
Well, how do we screw him up?
I don't know, Robinette?
Throw that in there.
Yeah, let's go with the most basic man name ever.
And then just toss in a lady name right in the middle.
And I think that's why it's kind of like the boy named Sue.
I think he spent a lot of time fighting at the bike racks because of that middle name.
It toughens you up a little bit.
Looking for his dad at bars.
Kill the man that named me Robinette.
Then he just shows up, it's his son passed out.
Looking for my dad.
Son, I knew that name would make you go to work for the government for 50 years on the public dole.
Then I'm gonna name my son Hunter.
What's his middle name?
Oh no.
Susan.
Hunter Rachel Biden.
Hunter's middle name?
Hunter's a Bob.
Robert Hunter Biden.
He's one of the Bobs.
That's what middle names are now, it's an alternate just in case.
Hunter Rachel.
It's Laquisha.
Oh my goodness.
Hunter's his middle name.
Hunter's... Oh, what's his first name?
His first name is Robert.
Hunter's a Bob.
Robert Hunter Biden.
He's one of the Bobs.
He's Bob Biden?
Bob Hunter Biden.
So what do they think?
They put all this?
Oh, I guess we can't talk about stuff on YouTube that's maybe whatever.
I don't know.
So Bob Hunter Biden.
Yeah.
Weird.
His name.
And Bo Biden was Joseph Robinette Bo Biden.
Oh my God.
He did Robinette to him too?
He's a big fan of Bo Bridges.
Geez.
And Jackson.
He did.
Robinette to him.
Wait, wait, hold on.
This is Joseph Robinette Bo Biden III.
So that means Joe Biden's dad was Joe Robinette Biden I. Oh my goodness.
We cover a long, strong line of Robinettes.
You carry on the Robinette name.
Except for you, Hunter.
We don't know what the hell to do with you.
I don't want to give you my strong lady name that I've carried.
That's right.
We start with Joseph.
Strong masculine name.
We insert femininity.
Soften it.
And then we do it again.
And again.
We create legacy of Robinette.
There's one guy watching this whose name is Robinette.
He's so pissed.
That's it.
I'm done with this mug club.
We had one unsubscribed just now.
Yeah, literally just one.
Because no one would hurt their children like that.
I don't know if you heard this, the Biden administration will allocate 30 million dollars to help provide safe smoking kits to underprivileged communities.
I'm sorry, what?
That's correct.
Including in these kits will be pipes for users to smoke substances like crack cocaine and crystal meth or any illicit substances.
According to reports, $29.5 million will go directly to Joe's son, Hunter.
Of course!
Well, he's tired of giving him the money for it.
Like, I gotta buy a new crack by every four minutes.
Snopes also rated the claim as mostly false, saying that this is just one of... Why don't you read this part, Joe?
Alright, so the quote is, this was just one of around 20 components of the grant program, and far from its most prominent or important one, but it's the funniest one.
Despite being the primary focus of Outrage News Reports, the purpose of the program was to reduce the harm and risk of infection.
From a pipe.
Yep.
Among drunk users, not to advance racial equality, although that was a secondary consideration.
Dave, Dave.
What?
No, no, no, no, no, no, Dave.
Come on.
Come on.
No, no, no.
Give me the pen.
It's just, it's crack cocaine.
Give me this over.
Give me this over.
No, come on.
No, no, no.
Just a little hit off the glass dick.
Day one.
Day one?
Come on.
The government gave it to me with four COVID tests.
They sent that to your house, huh?
Yeah, they said it's a pipe for smoking widows.
Can I ask a question?
I understand the needle exchange program and, you know, maybe making sure people aren't sharing needles and spreading HIV and, you know, all that kind of stuff.
Do you want my chip?
The crack pipe?
I do want the chip, in fact.
We'll take it.
Just put it on the desk next to the gun.
Sorry, then I'm going to be high on crack for the rest of the show.
Help me out here.
How does giving somebody a fresh pipe Keep them from getting a disease.
I don't know.
I guess in the days of smoke pipe, the days in COVID, I guess they were like, look, we don't want you guys to share lips.
Oh, is this a COVID thing?
I don't know.
It's a nonsense thing.
You don't know where my lips have been, Dave.
Why would anyone do this?
Why would you send a crack pipe to a crackhead in the mail?
I know.
They just want to help you out with something.
Yeah, well, if you're gonna smoke meth, use the government-issued pipes.
The only way to smoke meth.
It seems like they're almost condoning it.
It's like they're advertising it.
Well, the good thing is, San Francisco and places like Los Angeles have already started doing this stuff on like a local... I'm not even kidding.
Like, on a local level, they've already had programs like this in place, and it's just led to a utopian society.
Oh, it's great there.
San Francisco, wonderful model city.
It's beautiful.
Love it.
Right?
Have you been there in the spring?
I don't know if you know this crack.
San Francisco treat.
Ah!
I thought it was crap.
Oh, well, it's... It's ding ding.
They're both everywhere.
It's the stupidest thing in the world.
Just a street filled with hard opioid crack dumps.
I want to ask Snopes to be like, yeah, look, I get that there are other programs, but just to confirm, they are giving away free crack pipes, right?
Right.
Their rating service is the best though.
Mostly false.
What's the mostly part?
It begs so many questions.
What you said was true, but there's more information.
That's right.
In context, they're free pipes, but...
I feel like Hunter does have to be doing something, though.
Because in the middle of all this pandemic, all this stuff, he's like, guys, what about free crack pipes for people?
Yeah, easy those things are to break.
It's like, come on.
Crack pipes?
Everybody gets one?
Just in case, you know?
Hey, you guys like to party?
He's the consultant.
Yeah.
No, we don't.
We don't, Hunter.
You know who's loving this?
Every drug pusher out there is like, ah, fantastic.
Free paraphernalia.
That's great.
I'll have more clients that can smoke.
Oh, there he is.
That's one of the government issues.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Well, he's got a Hunter Biden-branded one.
Well, yeah, it's his.
It's his company.
Well, there's a golden signature on it.
Well, he painted on it.
Well, it's embroidered.
He goes to Things Remembered.
It says, don't put Parmesan cheese in this.
He goes to Things Remembered to forget.
There's a Hunter coat of arms.
It's on his towels and his crackpot.
It says the Rubbinettes.
The Robinette Crackbacks.
Brought to you by the Biden family.
Yes.
Enjoy a toke or two.
Or three, come on, who's counting?
On your fellow citizens.
Enjoy it every day of your life until you have to make the choice between penis or poison.
There is a Biden coat of arms.
There is a Biden coat of arms?
Oh, nice!
Is there really?
Oh my goodness.
Oh, that's great.
Oh, fantastic.
Yes, I would like to pay.
No crackpipes, though.
Money for that.
I missed that.
Jeez.
That's positively regal.
Decadent.
Well, that covers for all your sins.
Yep.
Speaking of sins...
Ooh.
I don't know if you know this.
Do you know what nuns are, Gerald?
Do they fly?
Uh, some do.
Okay, well, yeah.
Not all of them.
But I've met a nun or two.
You've met some nuns.
Never.
Nuns?
I've seen them from afar.
They kind of float.
Yeah, that's true.
When I was a kid, I thought they were on roller skates, because you couldn't see the feet, but they would move along in the long run.
That's what your brain went to.
It was like, ah, they must have roller skates on.
It was creepy.
They appear to be walking at a normal pace.
Well, get this, a nun was sentenced to federal prison.
Really?
Boy, that's gotta be crazy.
A boring place filled with women.
What a strange... Well, it depends on what state we're talking about.
Well, yeah.
But a nun was sentenced to federal prison for stealing $835,000 from a school in Los Angeles.
Sister Mary Clarence, oh no, I'm sorry, just Sister Mary, will have to turn herself Into the Federal Bureau of Prison by June 7th to start her one year and one day sentence.
Guess this nun didn't think the vow of poverty applied to her.
Sister Mary Margaret Cooper is a Catholic nun who was just sentenced to one year and one day in a federal prison.
Prosecutors say the 80-year-old nun embezzled over $835,000 from St.
James Catholic School in Torrance, California.
And what is a nun doing with that much money?
Trips to Las Vegas, Reno, and Temecula on large gambling expenses, according to Sister Mary's plea agreement.
Wow.
She just really loves Sister Act and wanted to see it live.
Yeah, that should really be going to good things for the Catholic Church, like lawyers.
It's the perfect cover.
Did you see her?
Yeah, exactly.
Who would ever have suspected?
When they confronted her, she said, well, nuns need raises.
We're not paid enough.
Yeah.
It's such a...
It's such an addiction, too, though.
Like, I get it.
Like, she went a little bit crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And 835 grand later, they were like, did you take something?
Who's the accountant here?
It's like Mike Tyson with Don King.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, a bike.
What happened?
Yeah, $50 million later.
He went to buy a sandwich and they're like, your card declined.
What?
But I got three tigers at home watching plasma TV.
Not no more.
I don't know.
Now you might say that she's being heretical.
Heretical?
Heretic.
And you'd probably be right.
But we think she may have been reading an alternate version of the Bible.
We actually have a story from what we think is the same Bible, and we'd like to share it with you.
Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it wonderful?
In all the years we've been married, we've done some marvelous things.
This, however, is truly a miracle.
Thank you, Nama.
N-Nayama.
Whatever.
Whatever your name, Mrs. Noah.
I love you, Mrs. Noah.
And I love you.
Shall we?
Yes.
Oh boy.
That is a lot of s***.
I'm leaving you.
That's a fact.
Tearjerker in that ending.
It really is.
I wonder which one of her sons she left him for.
Those were the other two people on Earth, right?
Come on!
No, there were other family members.
They had sons and daughters who had wives and husbands.
So they could just sleep with them.
Oh, good.
You're right.
My inbreeding joke was way off.
Yeah.
Not even close.
No, no, no.
Don't you realize that, you know, Russell Crowe had to kill all of the babies being born there?
So, yeah, that was... Oh, yeah.
You know, whatever that movie was.
I had a friend.
We call them pictures, Gerald.
They're pictures.
Ah, that picture there.
Did you see the Russell Crowe picture?
They're talkies.
Oh, I thought it was a little too much.
He's a gladiator and now he's Noah.
I buy it every time.
Have you seen Fatty Arbuckle fall down in the new picture?
Ah, it's hilarious.
For my money, it's that Buster Keaton.
It was like the train was coming right at me.
Like an Asian in the subway tracks.
Are we still on YouTube?
How can we not be?
He said nothing that was fake.
No, no, not at all.
Fact check that.
Go to Snopes.
Snopes us.
I've angered you.
Mostly false.
I've angered you.
Yeah, mostly false.
You've not angered me at all.
I'm never angry.
I think life is not about anger.
It's not.
I mean, the beginning of the show with the Showtime thing angers you a little.
A little.
Just because it's like, are you just trying to make people racist?
Yeah.
Like, is that the goal of today is just to separate everyone completely?
It is.
Let's get some people on to say the most racist things possible and call it good.
Yeah.
But my friend's dad, anyway, had web feet.
Yeah.
Swimmer.
Yeah, exactly.
And that's why the Noah's Ark thing made me think of it.
Because if anybody's going to build a boat now, it'd be him.
But he also had lactating nipples and it's like, why would you?
Wow.
Why would you tell your friends that like they're not gonna make fun of you forever?
Is that the thing for men?
Yeah, men can have lactating nipples.
I have nipples.
Can you milk me, Greg?
And web feet.
And web feet, I swear to you.
But his middle name wasn't Robinette, so he's fine.
But he told us, like, we wouldn't make fun of him.
Dave, you say it so matter-of-factly.
Yeah, my friend's dead.
He used to play a game of duck-duck milk.
Guys, I'm leaving.
We'll be back.
But he really did.
Yeah, it was crazy that he told us.
Is that true, Tokunawa?
Yeah, man can have legs eating nipples.
I wanna know.
And this is, like, an actual scientific thing, not a thing we just allow now because everything's stupid.
Well, no, right.
Like, this isn't, like, bleeding, right?
No, no, no, no.
Milk.
Milk ducks.
Happens to marathoners.
Right.
And I believe they're called, actually, milk ducks, which is ironic for a... Ducks.
With a T. With a T, yes.
But it still sounds like ducks, and he had webbed feet.
I learned so much on this show.
Look it up.
I want to see it.
He's looking at the screen very closely.
What was that?
It's real, right?
Are you going to show us something that we're not going to want to see?
I don't think it's going to be gruesome.
It could be.
Well, it could be.
Man boobs, as we say, often does get.
Show me the stuff that comes out.
You just squeeze like this.
Ah!
Oh!
And the same thing on the other side as well.
That was the point.
Looks like a zit.
Do you pop it?
I wonder how he found out.
I was just in the mirror one day and was like, oh dear.
Wow.
His boyfriend probably found out.
So that was a male person.
A male person who has milk ducts.
Okay.
I'm just... No, you have every right to ask.
I am asking simple questions.
You have every right.
What is the occurrence in the population of that though, Gibby?
It's got to be small, right?
Oh, I only knew the one.
Anecdotally, I guess.
Well, look, in a pinch, if there's a famine, you know who to go for.
Well, that's true.
That's another reason, though, why he could be the new Noah, because if he's stranded at sea, he has chest nourishment.
And animals to eat.
I guess you'd probably eat an animal before you... I would.
I would definitely eat an animal.
You drank your own milk.
Seems like a waste of effort.
That'd be weird.
He never goes to the store to get milk, but he always has a milk mustache.
Imagine when they had their first kid, he's like, honey, no, no, no, you've done enough.
I'll take this one.
No, please.
Let me go ahead and breastfeed.
I told you I wanted to be a part of this.
Yes, I want him to grow up to be a monster.
I've always wanted a serial killer as a child.
Yeah, I think Hitler's father also had milk diets.
Come, come taste daddy's milk.
That's why they're all from Wisconsin.
America's dairy land.
Why do you think it is?
All the serial killers are from Wisconsin.
That's true.
Yeah, you're just at his house eating a sandwich?
What kind of cheese is this?
It's homemade.
Homemade, yeah.
Fantastic.
Oh, you don't seem to have a dairy farm of sorts.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Just finish the sandwich and we'll talk about it.
Tastes good, huh?
It tastes okay.
It's pretty well documented in male fruit bats, and then in humans it's very rare.
But it happens.
It does happen.
Well, we've seen it and now heard about it, and we are all dumber for that.
His dad's name was Arthur Fruit Bat.
Ah, well that makes sense.
Listen, eating bats, just a bad idea across the board.
Doesn't matter what kind.
No, if we've learned anything in the last couple years, bats, not the best food option.
Not a good food item at all.
Have you ever seen a bat at night?
Oh yeah.
Creepy.
I would never eat that.
I would never.
Hit it with a tennis racket though.
That's not really fair.
They can't see it coming, Dave.
No, aren't they nocturnal?
Yeah, but they can't see.
They're blind.
Bats are blind.
They use sonar.
Haven't you seen Batman?
Come on.
What's the matter with you?
Yeah, but I didn't think that was bats.
I thought it was Batman.
Batman's not blind!
Bats are!
I've heard blind is a bat, but I thought they had some vision.
Where'd you think it came from?
Just one bat that was blind and had a cane?
Why would you choose that as your superhero then?
I have no idea.
That's more Daredevil.
Well, that was stupid.
Why is everybody blind?
I don't know.
It's absurd.
So anyway, speaking of blind and absurd, Caitlyn Jenner has announced the Jenner Racing team.
You know, the lady who killed a guy with her car.
Maybe this time she'll hit someone else and turn back into Bruce.
No stop signs on the racetrack day.
All good.
Nothing to run.
Yeah, just go.
Yeah, it just goes from Bruce to Mrs. Doubtfire to Boys Don't Cry.
Just keeps switching plots.
Yeah, the team will compete in the W Series, an international single-seater motor racing championship for female drivers.
Jenner will oversee the daily operation of the team, which will compete in May.
we actually have obtained exclusive footage of the all-female team drivers training.
Oh my goodness! They're doing good so far!
Not so bad.
Yeah, it's not too bad.
Thank God for walls and fences.
Yes.
We're gonna see Gale Earnhardt.
So we...
Get your collector's plates while you can.
Could you imagine a Bruce Jenner, Caitlyn Jenner collector's plate for racing?
You're like, I'm not eating all this.
Not with that face looking at me.
I'm eating your cheese nipple sandwich off this gross plate.
What world am I living in?
I'm going to shatter it and slit my wrist.
You web-footed freak.
But back to the fun.
It's all racing, though.
There's no parallel parking or anything.
No, thank God.
Yeah, yeah.
If it's Parallel Parking Championship, you just... What do you think?
It would be a long day.
I think you just would have to call it.
Well, when someone's trying to Austin Powers this thing into a space for the next, you know, 30 minutes.
Uh, everybody lost.
So I guess everybody won.
It's just yelling at a man while he's parallel parking.
That's the whole sport.
Turn the wheel.
It's like, you don't know how to do this.
You don't drive anywhere.
I'm holding this space for my husband.
Move on.
Yeah, please go.
I wonder if Caitlin's gonna be the judge.
There's no judges in racing.
Is there not?
Not really, it's all about... No, it's all about the checkered flag.
Well, somebody says who wins, though.
Well, that's typically determined by who crosses the line first.
Well, I know, but there has to be somebody... This isn't figure skating, Dave!
But they call the race, though.
They call the race when someone wins.
I only know figure skating.
There's no East German judge anymore, Dave.
Well, you know what I mean?
The ref.
Yeah.
Um, also non-existent.
I was thinking that's gotta, I was looking at a footlocker the other day and the guy's dressed as a ref.
They're always like that.
And you gotta think that their son's like, my dad's a referee.
And then one day they're going to be like, Oh man.
Go to work with Dad Day.
We're going to a field somewhere, right?
No, son.
Yeah, no, son.
I lied.
I'm gonna spray stuff into sneakers all day.
I'm gonna sell a pair of Jordans to a guy who's gonna get shot in the parking lot for them.
Yeah, you're not gonna own these long.
What, are you buying these for someone else?
Kinda.
Now, Winnipeg, this is very sad.
There was a man, David Alexander Zagarik?
That's pretty close.
Was charged after intentionally striking four men with a car during the anti-lockdown protest in Canada.
There's no sound on this.
So we can do it?
Seems like a normal... Disgusting.
It's the most violent thing that's happened at the protest, by the way.
That's just sad.
I guess he thought Tim Hortons was going to close in ten minutes.
Actually, he was leaving Tim Hortons.
He was trying to get to a bathroom.
Fortunately, nobody was killed, and sincerely I mean that.
I think it's an absolute shame that people are doing this.
It's disgusting.
And one man was sent to the hospital as a result of his injuries.
Actually, if you read that in Canadian, he was sent to hospital.
Sent to hospital.
To hospital.
He was on holiday and sent to hospital.
He was on holiday and sent to hospital.
To be true to form in Canada, he was sent to the hospital for a sprained ankle and died.
Yes.
Eleven days later, he was seen for dehydration.
He right-angled his leg and was seen four days later.
Yeah, he died of thirst like the guy in Tremors.
He's been discharged, folks.
We can make fun of it because he's out of the hospital now, okay?
No, he's fine.
That's a good thing.
Nobody was killed.
I guess those kilometers, they think they're going faster than they are.
I don't think that was the problem, Dan.
I don't know.
The setting of the car speed.
What was he driving?
Well, it was a... It looked like a Jeep.
It was a Jeep?
I would have assumed a Saturn.
Thank you.
A few car guys in Michigan are like, good one.
Like, I don't get it.
It's because they built them over in Canada.
Ah!
Remember the Saturn?
I do.
Southern states too, didn't they?
I remember it went away.
I think they did it in a southern state briefly too, yeah.
Those Saturns aren't around anymore.
Thank God.
They're like a Plymouth.
Yeah.
Can't get one of those.
You don't want one of those.
At one time you did.
Not anymore.
And then they made Neon and the Duster.
My friend had a Duster.
He put subwoofers in the back.
It had tents and furry seats.
Did you tell him, like, hey, couldn't you have spent more on the car itself and maybe... Yeah, no, it was great.
I loved riding with him and getting pulled over every 12 minutes.
Yeah.
Getting searched for drugs.
Did he loosen the trim so that the bass and the subwoofers would vibrate everything?
The bass did it for him, actually.
All the old cars look so beautiful.
Yeah, the muscle cars.
Yeah, they're so beautiful.
Remember the things you could actually work on before the computers?
They were great going in a straightaway the minute you tried to turn.
Well, the power steering thing was, you know, it made for big forearms in men.
It kept us stronger.
And as far as airbags, they were really just decapitation machines.
They were like, look, you're gonna end up on life support.
We'll just make this incredibly unsafe so it'll just kill you.
Yeah, I had a Mustang 5088.
I don't think it had airbags.
But yeah, I knew if I got in an accident, it's just goodbye.
But it was fun to drive.
Like, why would I wear this seatbelt?
Yeah.
Why would I do that?
Really no reason.
We don't need those stinking headrests.
It was a drop top, so really, if I flip, what am I going to do?
Those were so overpowered for what they could handle.
Oh, they really were too.
Yeah, you could feel the nuts and bolts shaking off of the fox body.
But anyway, we're getting off track.
That's what happens.
Back to Mr. Ziggurak.
Yeah, because Ziggurak's a much funner conversation.
He is a former member of the Winnipeg-based and self-styled anti-punk band... Antifa Punk.
Oh, I thought it was... Antifa Punk.
I'm sorry, I thought... Antifa!
Antifa Punk Band.
Cool guy.
the brat attack.
When you have to call yourself a brat.
I just threw up in my mouth.
Anti.
Brat attack!
We're brats.
Yeah.
And he was also, yeah, the brat attack.
The band was pretty innocent when they first got together.
Here's a sample of one of their first songs.
Friends forever, we'll be friends everywhere Talking about friends forever
For what it is, you know.
It's groovy, right?
Doesn't sound punk to me.
I could be off.
No, it's a little Osmond-ish, but you know, whatever.
It's definitely an unbuckle the seatbelt kind of song.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's a little rebellious because it's like no matter what you tell us government, we're friends forever.
Let's do our secret handshake.
By the way, always wear your seatbelt.
Yes.
Which is different now, the band's leader song's got a bit darker, with one called, Hey Harper, you homophobe anti-choice eff, die, die, die.
This is in reference to Stephen Harper, the conservative Canadian politician and former Prime Minister.
Some of the lyrics were, uh, This is class war, you rich white F. Ruling class is shit out of luck.
Your god is effing dead.
I shot him in the head.
Friends forever jumping on the bed Mean yeah, he turned but I mean they were still friends
They were.
So I think that's important that the government couldn't tear him apart.
About friendship, Dave.
About friendship.
The power of friendship.
Wind, water, friendship.
Friendship.
His band even played at Warped Tour.
Really Warped Tour.
But then fell apart in 2005.
I don't know how that would have happened.
We're still talking about the guy that ran over the body.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Detailing his music.
There's a few darker things that we get into here.
Zarek has also been accused of sexual assault by victims on Tumblr.
Tumblr?
Well, this was a while ago.
It wasn't today.
He was a pedo.
That's what it is.
That's why his new song, Pedo Forever.
No, not quite the same.
Best friends forever whether you want it or not.
Trying to get you in my van, pedo forever.
I hope you like candy.
One victim wrote, this is gonna be fun to read, back in 2005 when I was 13, I was just getting into the Winnipeg punk scene.
Who wasn't?
This person was a hero of mine.
He played in one of my favorite local bands, The Brad Attack, and contributed greatly to my political opinions.
He initiated beginning A sexual relationship with me over the internet asking me questions about my sexual activity, sending me pictures of his body, telling me that because he was an anarchist he didn't believe that age dynamics were relevant.
So that's a good pickup line.
At the time... At the time he was 27, at 13 I just wanted to be taken seriously and respected.
I wanted him to like me.
So, obviously just a man having a tough moment and he ran people over.
No history of speaking bad at all.
Yeah, they didn't have sex forever.
They didn't?
It was just sex the one time she was 13.
Was that his defense to the court?
Yeah, he sang.
He brought in everybody.
He brought in all the... Look, I was gonna let you go until you started singing.
He's like, guys, let me explain.
I'm an anarchist, so... Ready?
Hit it.
You guys hit it.
Ready?
Petto that one night.
A little boombox in the cork.
Holding it up like Cusack.
But it was a girl making the accusation.
I believe it was a girl making the accusation, so he's not some kind of gay freak.
Quite a punk scene up there in Winnipeg, eh?
I was just 13 getting into Winnipeg punk.
Who doesn't?
Snowy nights, terrible music.
And now he's mowing down freedom fighters with his car.
Yeah, great human being.
I just find that so sad.
The internet is just... Anti-freedom.
Yeah, it is.
The internet is just the worst.
I'm tired of people going, well, you know, it's a necessary evil.
No, it's just unnecessary.
This should just be a show on television.
Just get rid of the internet.
We've taken the internet.
We don't deserve it.
We've proven it's a toy that we can't handle.
It should be taken away and put up on a top shelf like a teacher would do.
And be like, you guys can have this back when it's not just awful.
Goes in the teacher's drawer with the chattering teeth.
Yeah, exactly.
You don't get the internet back until you can learn to behave yourself.
Everything is porn.
Knock it off.
I'm not even saying don't do porn.
You be you.
Don't do porn.
Stop it.
I'm not saying you should do porn.
I'm not saying... You just said you be you.
Well, that's you.
I can't help it.
I'm so confused.
What is your platform that you're running?
I just don't want to throw stones.
No, no.
We can call out bad things, though, and say, hey, stop it.
Hey, speaking of calling out bad things, I'm going to need you to ready the Admonish button because we got this from Josh Orum.
Admonish Gerald, bats are not blind.
Oh, come on!
This is from USGS.gov.
Are bats blind?
No, bats are not blind.
That's not true.
Bats are blind.
I want to fact check that.
Maybe not all bats are blind, Fawn.
Yeah.
But where did blind as a bat come from then, huh?
No, bats are not blind.
Well, they use that sonar, right, to navigate at night.
Yeah.
But sound travels way slower than light, so they're at a disadvantage, wouldn't they be?
They seem to be doing fine.
Oh, I figured it out.
What evolution has been working on for eons.
You think Batman was... I don't think Batman was blind!
Bruce Wayne did very well.
I don't think he was blind.
Gerald's over here just endlessly saying that Bruce Wayne was clearly the blind guy.
What was Wayne Enterprises anyway?
Do we know what he did?
It was Koch Brothers.
It became like military equipment or something that they produced.
Weapons?
Real cool stuff.
In the beginning though it was other... I believe it was other stuff.
Trinkets?
Yes, mostly.
Watches?
Bobbleheads.
Chia Pet was real big for them.
Huge for them.
I have a Richard Simmons Chia Pet.
I do.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Will you bring it?
I haven't taken it out of the box, much like who's ever keeping him captive, but I do have it at home.
I wanna see a picture of this.
He's actually a fan, Richard Simmons.
Oh, is he?
Yeah.
He's like, I think a dude's fun.
I think Stevens had some correspondence with him.
Yeah, I do have a Richard Simmons Chia Pet, for real.
Sweatin' to the oldies, Chia Pet.
Yeah, it's you put the thing and the hair grows.
Move, groove, and lose.
I figured it would.
Yeah.
I guess that's true, it won't be the chest.
And he says, eww, shapes.
This is gross.
I'm going to take one more sip.
Bats are definitely blind.
I hate all of you.
We're going to look this up.
We're going to confirm this.
Some mice can be blind?
Helen Keller was blind?
At least three of them.
And deaf.
Fine.
You're right.
Batman was blind, Dave.
Thank you.
I don't want to get off on the scam that is Helen Keller, but sorry guys, it's not what you think.
No, it's a lady completely lying about what she was saying.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
The woman is blind and deaf and like-ish.
You think she was blind-ish?
I just, I, cause honestly, if you're blind and deaf and all you have is touch- It was a bit of a parlor trick.
Yeah.
There's no way you could learn English.
I just don't get it.
I don't believe you would be able to communicate.
Dave zeroes in on the point.
There's no way.
Well, I believe like when she was young, she could communicate the way she did by throwing plates and acting like an animal.
That makes sense.
She appears angry.
Yeah, because you'd be pissed every day.
You'd be like, I don't know anything but touch.
How mad would you be?
Well, you wouldn't have any reference for it.
Well, you wouldn't have any reference for anything though.
You just, you wouldn't know what anything is.
I mean, if you're born that way, you wouldn't have a loss.
You wouldn't have ever had it.
It would still suck.
I'm not saying it's a good thing.
Imagine how they vision the world.
You don't even know.
I don't.
They just picture whatever they think something looks like, and I bet it's all wrong.
I think that's the least of the problems though.
Never knew that was a plate.
You play piano.
You get a sixth sense of piano.
That's a good trade-off, if you gotta make the trade.
Dude, Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles, amazing.
Amazing.
Which brings us to the end of our show.
Well no, just the end of this.
Well yeah, we're gonna go to Mug Club, we're gonna play a little game because we do actually... People say that we can be transphobic and that kind of stuff, and we're gonna go ahead into Mug Club and prove that that's not true with a little game called Hot or Not.
And I think you guys should tune in.
What edition is that?
It's the transgender hot or not.
So it's the same level of judgment that we would give anyone else.
It's equality and we feel that you will enjoy the segment.
Please tune in.
I tried to pitch that as innocently as possible just now.
You did a good job.
We're still on YouTube.
Oh.
That's good.
Thank God.
Well, I didn't say anything bad.
Soon you can cast off all restraint.
You can say a transgender person is attractive on YouTube, can't you?
You can, for sure.
You just can't together.
You probably will.
What?
I don't know that I want to play this game if it's that close.
Isn't that most detergent commercials?
Like, isn't that everything now?
You're like, oh, this is Eggo waffles.
Leggo my Eggo.
Oh, you're transgender.
You can have it.
I had no idea.
No idea.
That bulge in your pants.
My friend's transgender.
Is he?
Or, wait, sorry, or whichever way.
He became a she.
Okay, so a she.
Yeah.
Interesting.
I think the game should be Blair White and everyone else.
Yeah, Blair White.
Yeah, there's definitely Blair White.
Beautiful!
Yeah, she's a beautiful gal.
Met Blair White.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah, it's true.
You have total buy-in.
What do you think, Gerald?
Definitely convincing.
Okay.
Yes.
And I think that should be the line.
It's like, you put a lot of effort and work into that.
I wouldn't be able to tell.
You're not going to miss...
Misname her.
No, you would never misgender her.
No.
I would never mispronoun her.
I would never.
And I think her name was Blair without the E. Kind of like Robinette without.
Ah.
Oh really?
So that wasn't a huge change.
I think so.
That's just asking for it.
Well, we'll tell you.
So guys, go ahead, smash the like button, tell us that you enjoyed the show.
We really appreciate you listening today.
I want to thank Crawdaddy for stepping in, as usual.
And of course, Gerald A., coming in every day, working hard, does a lot of push-ups.
Very cruel to the staff, but other than that, good guy.
Well, they deserve it.
Well, it's true.
And I just think reading passages to them from the Bible completely out of context is strange.
While beating them?
Well, you have one book for hitting and one book for reading.
And you will know my name is the Lord!
When I lay my vengeance upon thee.
May I have a sip of your beverage?
Anyway, join us!
Until then, piss off YouTube.
And smash the like button!
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