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Jan. 18, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:18:09
Why Chaos in Liberal Cities Is a Warning to EVERYONE! | Louder with Crowder
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Time Text
I'm going to go to the beach.
Um... Kenneth.
Kenneth?
How old are you?
I'm... I'm this many.
Oh, wow.
Would you like some candy?
Yeah.
Good boy.
Bratstop.com Do the Stranger Walk
Do the Stranger Walk That's what I know
Do the Stranger Walk I got the ball
I'm the speedy disco Do the Stranger Walk
That's called a shut up zip.
Tocanellan, what's going on?
We just heard you- the first voice we hear on this show!
I don't- I don't think we're on YouTube.
You don't think we're on YouTube?
Oh no!
Well, okay, so this is just on Mug Club right now?
Well, we'll see.
So Mug Club, you understand the complications here is we love you, we're gonna be taking your chat, but YouTube's an asshole.
One giant.
Are we banned?
No, I don't think it's bad.
I don't think we're banned.
I think it's a technical difficulty.
All right, so we're going to pause this, and then we are going to start it from the top.
Sorry, Michael.
We'll be right back once we get the YouTube stuff working, and we'll re-intro and all that.
So enjoy the wholesome street fair again.
We'll be right back.
Welcome back.
so oh, i'm good at gotha, getting on the floor oh, i'm good at
gotha, getting on the floor oh, i'm good at gotha, getting on the floor oh, i'm good at gotha, getting on the floor
oh, i'm good at gotha, getting on the floor oh, i'm good at gotha, getting on the floor oh, i'm good at gotha, getting
on the floor oh, i'm good at gotha, getting on the floor when your life falls out of the window you'll begin to overthink
what is new?
good that your heart was formed so if you keep on thinking Back to mid-challenge
so i
And some more!
Oh, baby, you're a real man, and we can't live without you.
You're all I need, whether you're my professor or not.
You're making me feel so damn overbeating.
My dear, goodbye.
Your heart was formed, if you keep on dreaming. Your heart, ready your life of love. Where do you begin to turn? Oh,
find me there, I'm here.
Your heart was formed, if you keep on dreaming.
Perhaps the moon knows the secret of the new sound.
Open your mind.
So bright.
Pull on this.
So bright.
Open your mind.
Let us begin our quest to find it.
A new sound.
I've got new.
I've got price.
Everything I need.
I've got new.
Okay, let's have fun.
I've got new.
I see.
I've got new.
I've got new.
I see.
I see.
I've got new.
So bright.
Pull on this.
So bright.
So bright.
Pull on this.
So bright.
You can have my face.
I've got new.
So.
You must choose.
My name is Mr. Susan.
You must choose.
And now it is time for you to do the choosing.
I see, I see zoos I've got new
child You must choose
Bimbo, bimbo My name is Mr. Susan, you must choose
Now it is time for you to do the choosing I am Mr. Cable
I've got new You must choose
I've got I am Mr. Cable
I've got You must choose
You must choose I've got
Captain Cabinets, Captain Cabinets Can I get out? Will I get out?
Cos he will You're like a tingle dime, vince, vince, you're here
Tingle dime You're like a tingle dime
You're rocking up with vice You're like a tingle dime, vince, vince, you're here
Tingle dime You're like a tingle dime
You're rocking up with vice I did a rhyme
I see, I see zoos I've got new zoos
I see, I see zoos You, you're my name
I've got vice I see, I see zoos
I've got new zoos I see, I see zoos
I've got new, I've got new I see, I see zoos
I've got new zoos I see, I see zoos
You, you're my name I've got vice
I see, I see zoos I've got new zoos
I see, I see zoos I've got new
I'm not saying anything. Just enjoy the video.
If you like the video, please subscribe to my channel.
I'm not saying anything. Just enjoy the video.
Hey, young man, what's your name?
Um... Kenneth.
Kenneth?
How old are you?
I'm... I'm this many.
Oh, wow.
Would you like some candy?
Yeah.
Good boy.
DroneStop.com DroneStop.com
Music Playing...
Music Playing...
That's a double check.
Yeah.
Because we had some technical difficulties.
We were not streaming to YouTube, just on the Mug Club, so if you're on YouTube, you missed it.
Yeah, you're never gonna get that moment.
You're never gonna get that back.
It's the kind of gold that, I mean, I can't even, we can't even describe it.
That's the funniest joke I've ever heard in my life.
I just, it was great.
Well, don't spoil it.
Your life.
Yeah.
Glad to be with you.
It's a slow news day.
I say that when North Korea's firing off rockets, Israel just said the COVID booster isn't everything it's cracked up to be, New York is in a state of disrepair, but it's still relatively slow.
And a meteor is sadly missing us.
Yes.
No, you mean comet.
Whatever it is.
Meteor would only cause minimal damage.
We're praying for a comet.
Right.
Something large.
Planet collide.
I don't know what an asteroid is.
All I know is they're flat.
I know what a hemorrhoid is.
You get hit with a disc.
Not true at all.
Okay, it's more of a firmament.
So, we're going to be talking about a lot here today, but first, let me let you know, if ever we are not here on YouTube, this was not YouTube's fault today.
Full disclosure, we had technical difficulties here with the TriCaster, all this stuff.
Show is Monday through Thursday, 10 a.m.
Eastern.
You can tune in and watch us on Rumble.
You can tune in and watch us on Mug Club.
If we are not on YouTube, we will let you know.
But every now and then we get suspended.
Hit the notification bell still if you're there, because that's the best way to stay tuned.
And I do have a question, before I move on.
Which state do you guys believe is the most degenerate?
Of all the crappy states right now, which one?
You comment below.
That's a big screw you to the YouTube gods, by the way.
Yeah.
Is it the state they're in?
Yeah.
And are you in one of those states?
Our biggest audience shares are in California and New York.
Really?
Yeah.
People are looking for freedom.
Also, our audience has an uncharacteristically high suicide rate.
Ah, that's not good at all.
Very high.
Wow.
Really unreal.
Should we stop broadcasting?
Good work.
You guys keep it up.
Setting an example.
Well, the states, it's losing population.
So, you know, a couple more of you, you know.
No!
Look, take one for the team.
We need some more electoral votes.
Oh my gosh.
Get yourself a plane.
So before we move on, we'll be talking about the states.
We'll be talking about Wisconsin right now.
Ballot boxes.
Guess what?
That's no longer a thing.
Not going to be allowed.
No!
We're going to be talking about the booster.
And I know, look, one thing, too, is I know there's been a lot of defeatism out there.
So the theme here today is really What does not quitting look like?
Because sometimes people say, oh, I never quit.
Look, you don't just continue doing something for the rest of your life.
Did Michael Jordan quit?
No, of course not.
Did Wayne Gretzky quit?
No, of course not.
When Winston Churchill was ousted because he didn't want socialized health care, does that mean that he quit?
No, of course not.
But we do need to define what it means to not quit.
Some of it's hopefully positive for you, but some of it is a little bit, might be a blast of cold water to the face.
Not everyone who Failed to quit.
Everyone who continued is successful.
However, there is nobody who's ever been successful.
There's never been a country that's ever been successful without the quality of never quitting.
Yeah.
So it's a requirement, but it's not a guarantee.
And we're going to go through what that looks like, just like we did yesterday.
You're lying in the sand.
We were talking about the vaccination mandates.
We were talking about the recent polls.
This is a time in our country, even though it's a slow news day, there'll be a lot of penis jokes.
Is that because— I get that people feel defeated.
I get that people out there think, what can we do?
There's a lot we can do.
And there's a huge silver lining right now in this country.
Before we move on, Gerald A. Gerald C. was deflated.
How are you?
I am well.
Don't ever bring that person up again.
We have an agreement.
Never met him.
Z. Never met Z. Never met Z. You have no idea who's using him.
But I'm glad that you're doing well.
How are you, though?
Uh, you know.
Perseverance?
Yes.
Perseverance.
Grit, I've heard some people refer to it.
Intestinal fortitude.
True grit, which is where Jeff Bridges is the exact same character he's done for the last 19 years, and we've all acted like he deserves an Academy Award.
I celebrate all of them.
His entire catalog.
Hey, Jeff Bridges, we need you to play a cowboy.
You need me to play a cowboy?
Hey Jeff Gillis, we need you to play a country music singer.
Hey, we need you to play a college basketball coach.
Hey, come on, blue trip!
We need you to play the dude where you talk to a cowboy.
Oh, listen, cowboy, I don't know who you think you are, but I'm not a cowboy.
Look at your cowboy!
I was in White Squall!
Or was it my brother?
I don't know.
We have.
You just heard him.
He is here right now, and he's going to be doing a Mission of Love fundraiser this Friday in Mount Clemens, Michigan.
Dave Landau, how are you, sir?
Ahoy!
I'm good, man.
Can't complain.
Now, does any of that fundraiser... you still take a fee?
I take none.
None?
I give 100% back.
That's awesome.
Well, that's silly.
It's because, let's be clear, I'm a great person.
Those St.
Jude's charlatans worked you.
Yes, they did.
They worked me over good.
Yes, they did.
They beat me about my face.
Oh, Dave's coming here.
He has a gill complex.
Better get the clippers.
Please, Dave!
They're like, do you want this money?
And they have a bald kid try to hand it to me.
I'm like, this is really not a nice guy.
Almost as bad as when they had Ricky Gervais do the Jerry Lewis telethon.
On Next Presente looks like Charlie Brown.
I don't care!
It was much worse to have Jerry Lewis do the Jerry Lewis telethon.
All right, before we move on to everything else, like I said, there's a silver lining, but there still is some reason for despair.
Our army.
Army of one.
No.
Well, that's really, that's the Canadian Army slogan.
Our soldiers showcase their beautiful and brave ability to fend off foreign threats.
the ladies of our army on TikTok.
By the way, go back and play that.
I love the white chick in the middle who's clearly dancing to her own rhythm.
She doesn't even know this song.
Let's play this again.
This is the most offensive part.
Right in the middle.
Right in the middle.
Now watch.
When they all do her spin, I think she goes the wrong way.
Well, hold on, here she comes.
But in her defense, she might have joined the army to be in the army.
She might have, yeah.
And they're like, we gotta go to a TikTok dance video.
And it's like, I'm sorry, what?
Are we killing people there?
Is that code?
What they do is they send them in first.
Yes.
They're really more throw them in first.
You waste your ammunition?
Yeah, you make sure they get all their bullets out and then we go in and send in the real soldiers.
Yes.
It's like, hey, are we okay to do tick-tocking here in the barracks?
Yeah, sure, you guys can do that.
Why?
Because we need human trenches too.
This is the pawn division.
Yes, exactly.
You go first.
I mean, look, they're not even good at dancing.
Which is concerning.
Yeah.
Because, you know, that's a sign of coordination.
It is.
Being in concert.
You should be able to do that as one.
Teamwork.
So I could see how it would translate, sort of like ballroom dancing, some wrestlers would take it, or judo guys would take it, because it sort of translates to footwork, or boxers would do it.
Yeah.
So I get it, but they're not even good at it, which, um... It is ballsy of the government to think that nine women will agree on something.
That is true, yes.
And their cycles will align.
Yes, only if they take the bait.
They will attract bears?
Yes, they will attract bears.
That's what we're hoping for.
Free bear soldiers.
So if they get into a conflict with, let's say, I don't know, a potential threat, China, and it's settled by a dance-off, we're still screwed.
I guess I'll look Chinese.
That's hard to tell with the goggles.
They would have them doing that, but their sisters were killed at birth.
Yes.
Well, listen, they don't have enough.
Even more impressive though, Kevin told us that's high altitude training.
1700 feet.
17,000.
17,000 feet.
Can you imagine?
Our fat pride activist at 17,000.
You have Lizzo up there carrying her CPAP.
Iron lung.
Your body starts trying to kill you, which is Lizzo at sea level.
So we're always worried about chemical warfare and now we're just having dance-offs?
Yes, exactly.
That's the better way to solve it.
It's really not that bad of an idea.
It's the bring it on way.
No, no, no.
No more need chemical.
Watch Step Up 4.
No need chemical.
What you do?
American military.
No need chemical.
Sing the rash dance.
Yeah, you're brave and beautiful.
Get fat!
Get fat, come fight!
Yeah, they sent us TikTok just to get us all not paying attention.
Yes, exactly.
They're like, now we're gonna learn, Compton team.
Yes!
Where the one white guy goes down and all the black people are like, well, I don't like him, but he's got game, so I respect him.
Yeah, absolutely.
Let's put him in a public school, let him be the teacher.
Why not?
By the way, before we go on to Israel, they're wising up here a little bit as it relates to COVID.
Yesterday, this is news, ex-FBI agent Vince Pancocchi made new discoveries regarding the famous betrayer of Anne Frank who handed her over to the Nazis.
So up until recently the betrayer in question was suspected to be George Soros until only recently when it was confirmed to be George Soros.
It might have been him.
I thought it was the electric guitar they got her.
She played Hendrix.
I suspect her fiercely competitive, also journaling, uh, attic roommate.
Just stomping.
We're up here!
Up here!
There's her journal!
There's her journal!
It's not even grammatically correct!
By the way, here's mine, Penguin Publishing House!
Look, let me get to chapter 14 first.
Dip my finger in the porridge.
Yeah, she doesn't have a monopoly on that.
I did that too.
The Diary of Sandra Frank?
Yes, the Diary of Sandra Frank!
Outlaw?
That's stage name.
It was Sandra Frankenmuth, but I figured... It's a little piggyback.
It's a little piggyback.
It is surprising how they hid that well in an attic.
Yeah.
Like, I figure if a Nazi went in anywhere, they're like, look, there's only a couple places we can look.
Yes, exactly.
The fact that they would just leave places without checking is strange.
And the Jews thought they had magical powers, like, How did you know?
It's like when I was outside and I saw three stories.
They're not stupid.
They're Aryans.
That's kind of the whole thing.
We saw the flashlights.
Yes, we saw the flashlights.
Disco ball.
It was ill-advised.
So Israel, a new study has found that, and this is not me saying this, that the fourth COVID shot, the booster, is only partially effective and not effective enough for them to really consider it as part of a national strategy against Omicron.
But don't take my word for it.
Listen to the Jews!
Moving on, Israel was one of the first countries to offer a fourth dose of the COVID-19 vaccine to people, or a second booster.
And now, a latest Israeli study has revealed that the fourth dose of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccine against COVID-19 is only partially effective against the latest Omicron variant of the virus.
and declaring the preliminary results of the hospital's findings sustained.
That's about doing it to anything.
It said, and I quote, the trials have shown that the vaccines are safe
and have shown to produce substantial antibodies.
It further said, and I quote again, the vaccines are only partially effective
in defending against the Omicron variant.
Reiterating on the findings...
I am a voice that Jews can trust.
Yes!
Who has been leading the study has said that there has been an increase in antibodies after
administering a fourth dose, but it only offers a partial defense against the Omicron variant.
And here to convince you is Donald Sutherland in a mask.
Our country of guinea pigs.
Yes, exactly.
Reporting back to us.
Yes.
They just said, like, it's not effective, but let me inject it into your arm.
Yeah, I love how they led that off with, like, it increases your antibodies and it's safe.
And then she paused.
I love the pause.
And she's like, yes, but it doesn't offer a lot of protection.
It's only partially effective.
Also, in other news, condoms do nothing.
Yes, but wears them.
Yes.
There are pork holes in them.
They work better.
Yes, but that's because you were all buying Trojans and you're a little ambitious.
So this is actually what the British Medical Journal tweeted out. Just to be clear, all
sources references available at lateralcoder.com. You can click the link in the description below.
If you're on YouTube, giving repeated booster doses of existing COVID-19 vaccines in developed
countries is not a sustainable global strategy, says the WHO. Instead, the focus should shift
toward producing new vaccines that work better against transmission of emerging variants. And
it should be noted that when I said better, I mispronounced work. Yes.
Produce new vaccines that work.
You got stopped right there.
You're saving tons of letters.
For crying out loud.
Think about this.
And you know what?
When we started, we said, how many boosters?
Yeah.
How many boosters is enough?
Jokingly.
We said, like, what is it?
Four?
Five?
Ha ha.
Like, they're never going to get to that.
They'll go, oh yeah, you're doing a slippery slope.
Logical fallacy.
Okay.
I went to college too.
I get that.
Let's go through the intellectual fallacies.
It's not a slippery slope if you're slipping down a slope!
You're talking about the dance-off again?
Yeah, well.
Well, they're at altitude.
It's icy.
Whee!
Five shots.
Five shots.
Is that the magic number?
Four shots.
Five shots.
Six shots.
How many variants?
We don't know.
And I get it now.
They've shifted to say, well, it's more like a flu shot because there are variants.
Yeah, but that's not what you said.
You didn't say flu shot.
You said vaccine.
Can you take any responsibility?
Can the left today take any responsibility just for bad messaging?
Can we, are we going to change the rules now to where if you're unvaccinated we treat you like if you don't have a flu shot?
Which is like, nothing?
I think the only people that have to deal with that are maybe nurses that are in contact with patients that have a flu shot a lot of times.
Can we go back to the world being not flu shot and flu shot?
I agree with the British Medical Journal and the WHO in that we should treat the unvaccinated exactly the same as people who've had four boosters.
That's true because that's how they said yeah just this is like oh it's only but shouldn't be a part of a strategy because it's only partially effective uh and by partially we mean not um so yeah treat them the same you know are we done now is that argument done can we can we unite as everyone wants to say let's find common ground really let's find common ground yeah but by the way uh third fourth booster can't be a part of a national strategy because it doesn't really work and if you don't take it we're going to take away your kids and put you in a quarantine camp 50 of democrats that's what they support think about How about that for a second?
Where are you going to find common ground with that?
I think we can find common ground with this.
Hey, certain people want to be vaccinated.
Certain people should get vaccinated.
Some people don't want to be vaccinated.
That's it.
Conversation done.
We leave you the choice.
That's where you find common... You can only find common ground where freedom exists.
You can't find common ground with totalitarianism.
It's that simple.
This false illusion where people say, oh, we're so divided now.
No, no, no, no, no.
We're not so divided now.
You have divided yourself from the United States of America by supporting mandatory experimental mRNA technology being injected into every citizen lest they lose their rights.
You decided to part from the pack.
Exactly.
Our position hasn't changed.
Our position is what the founders wanted for us.
It was the freedom to govern ourselves and to not be ruled by a king or a monarchy at the time.
We don't want to tell you what to do.
We want you to have more of your money to spend.
We want to have more freedom.
We want you to be able to protect yourself and say whatever the hell you want to say and not be banned for it on anything.
You're the one making rules.
Hey, by the way, before I can already see the retort, you know, you want to tell me what I can do in my bedroom, I don't care if you have a ball gag and a MLK Jr.
orgy.
Couldn't care less.
If you're talking about abortion, I just have a problem when it involves killing somebody else.
It's so remarkably consistent.
It is.
I don't care what car you drive.
That's gotta be weird to get pried in from an orgy, though.
It's like, oh, I gotta go talk to nine guys.
Well, from what I understand is, if they didn't enjoy it, they can't conceive.
Oh, is that true?
Yeah, that used to be the law.
It was Kentucky, I think.
What?
I don't think Kentucky had anything to do with it.
No, I don't think Kentucky had any rape laws.
They were like, you mean the sex regular?
They were like, as long as you're at least kinda, sorta, not cousins.
Okay, you can be cousins.
Okay, you can be cousins.
It's fine.
Third cousins, look!
Just don't do your sister.
It's not a law, it's just generally frowned upon.
Yes.
I think my opinion on it is once you have four boosters and you say the unvaccinated are harming the vaccinated, you failed.
Just my opinion.
I thought it was an A booster.
I kind of thought was a failure based on their thing like hey two shots and you're good to go now all of you that have passes right now to be able to you know live life and work and provide for your family you got to get a booster because those passes aren't going well now you got to get another booster because those passes but but now we've got to get another booster because those it's a bad printing here's my document that you took medicine that doesn't work yes please this is a silly term too people always talk about performance enhancing drugs uh every drug that a doctor gives you should be performance enhancing or They should be disbarred from malpractice.
That's what medicine is supposed to be.
Genuinely, look, I want you, and again, this helps with the YouTube algorithm, but the beauty is we get to have these conversations here in the comment section before YouTube bans them since they've gotten rid of the dislike button.
Comment below, people out there who have been vaccinated.
Okay, if now the WHO...
The British Medical Journal says, okay, the fourth is, it's not a strategy.
Right.
For those of you who said, look, I'll go along with this because I want to do what's best, and I actually appreciate the idea of wanting to help your community.
Yeah.
What's the number?
How many?
Now we're at four?
That's not enough.
At what point do you say, all right, this is a failed experiment?
Is it five?
Is it six?
Is it seven?
Or, and I would wager that this is the case, for the people who've gotten Double vaccine, obviously the first two doses and a booster.
There's no number that's too much.
They would be glad to take it for the rest of their lives and create a second-class citizenry of people who didn't get it at all.
I just think that's most of these people because otherwise it's absurd.
Four shots?
No.
Don't work.
Name another situation where we would be okay with something like this, right?
You take your car to a shop and it's like, ah, I think it's this problem.
It's gonna take us two weeks to fix it.
You get it back, ah, it wasn't this.
Ah, well now we think it's this, it wasn't this.
And you just keep paying every time?
No, that's not how this works.
You go in and a guy's like, hey, here's your problem.
You have a flat tire.
Oh, we didn't fix the flat tire, but you're going to have to pay again for us to try to.
Well, the antibiotics didn't even make money!
I didn't say get rid of all the crabs!
Well, even if it's free, it's this massive inconvenience of something.
Well, it's not even free, though!
It's taxpayer dollars, so they're still getting paid!
Oh, I know, yeah.
You know, at the moment.
I say for you, though, even if it's what is out of your pocket.
I don't want to get in.
No, you're right, because you're paying through your taxes, which we'll get to with California.
They want to double taxes.
We'll get to that in a second.
I think a vaccine should be a lot like food.
Three times a day.
Three boosts.
If you're fasting, okay, fine.
You can take your three shots in a four-hour window.
Intermittent shots.
Intermittent mRNA technology.
Intermittent boosting.
You know, people talk about a race to the bottom.
I mean, there's Okay, so while we're talking about the race to the bottom, as we all know, the 2020 election, just to be clear, was the safest, most secure election ever in history.
I don't know why there's laughter.
It goes in order of wonderful creations and execution.
It goes Adam and Eve, Great Wall of China, and the 2020 election.
Yep, that's fair.
It's the Garden of Eden of elections.
Don't say 9-11 of elections!
No, no, no, no, no.
Yesterday, a Wisconsin judge, Michael Boren, ruled that absentee drop boxes are illegal.
Really?
Wow, yeah.
Do you have the quote here from Judge Boren?
It's all good and nice, but there's no authority to do it.
Yeah, he said that the guidance should have gone through the state legislature, not the elections commission, so almost exactly like what happened in Pennsylvania.
And I know, remember, you guys have been gaslit where there was nothing that happened, there could have been no foul play, the issue was in Pennsylvania that conservatives argued, it went against the state constitution, which by the way was not even refuted, they just said, well the point is moot.
Now in Wisconsin when they have Time to do something about it before the next election.
They're saying, yeah, it can't be done this way.
Right.
And this isn't the first, like, we have legislatures for this reason.
Right.
You pass laws and then you say, here's how we are going to do things.
You don't let courts say, well, we're just going to change it and go around our constitution.
Right.
The state constitution.
Now, keep in mind, in 2020, more than 500 Dropboxes were used in Wisconsin.
Really?
Is that a lot?
It's almost like you can't put that non-voter fraud back in the bottle.
Was it like a shoebox on a park bench?
Could have been.
It was.
Technically, if you read the article for this, that's the example that was used.
He said, by the laws, they're so broad, I could put a shoebox on a park bench.
One of them was just Dave sitting on a bench with a popcorn bucket.
It was.
People just kept dropping stuff in it.
They're like, stop!
I'm eating!
Well, you got free popcorn if you voted.
Yes.
Now let me just give you some examples.
We're not talking about 2020 and that the ghost of Chavez came back and rigged the machines unless the MyPillow came in to fix it.
But what we can point to in 2021, Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffsenberger confirmed an investigation into Fulton County for allegedly violating ballot drop box form rules.
Let me read it.
New revelations that Fulton County is unable to produce all ballot drop box transfer documents will be investigated thoroughly as we have with other counties that failed to follow Georgia rules and regulations regarding drop boxes.
This cannot continue.
In 2019, there was the North Carolina 9th District election that was held, and due to abnormalities in the absentee voting totals, they had to make some changes.
They had to do a new election.
Yes.
A brand new one.
I was trying to soften it to not get banned, but yes.
Well, that's what they had to do.
Yes, it is.
I mean, that's facts.
I know that's what usually gets us banned, and it's usually coming from me, so maybe I should shut up.
I wanted to continue.
Tradition is important to Western civilization.
It really is.
It was all legitimate.
California presidential election, the primary, more than 100,000 mail-in ballots were rejected.
Six weeks after a June 2020 election in New York, two congressional seats still hadn't been decided because of the mail-ins.
About 50,000 Ohio voters received the wrong absentee ballots in October 2020.
The point is this, you don't have to believe in some grand conspiracy to understand the reason that other countries laugh at our lax absentee voting laws.
Yeah.
Countries that are far more liberal because there are problems with it.
You don't even have to get down the trail to voter fraud.
There are already documented cases to the tunes of millions of votes that were problems just because of human error.
Yeah, exactly.
And people not being able to fill out their ballots, the mail not getting the ballots to them on time.
Have you ever lost anything in the mail?
I know they're 100%.
They're on time.
and they will never lose one of your packages ever, right?
That's the worst way to do it.
We had data on that until 2020.
People were like, oh yeah, let's just do mail-in ballots and let's do Dropboxes
because we can totally trust what happens there.
For crying out loud, I had to get a ring doorbell because of porch thieves
who were stealing my Amazon Prime shower curtains.
Well, why were you...
What do you think is going to happen when they see the ballots?
They were gold curtains, Steven.
Everything they took from me, they bring back.
Really?
Trust me.
They don't want it.
You're one of the lucky ones.
I'm like, yeah, go ahead, take that.
Wait till you open the box.
Yeah.
Dave, it's...
Snakes?!
I thought about doing that, just putting poisonous snakes in a box and just being like, here you go.
That would be... Enjoy, just open up a cobra.
Yeah, interesting.
But the guy thwarts you because he has an oboe?
Boo!
Is that what they use, the oboe with the Cobra?
Can someone comment and let me know?
What's the instrument they use?
Is it the oboe?
I don't know.
With the Cobra?
It sounds like it.
Why does it work?
Like, could you use a clarinet?
There's probably a guy who kept getting bit by his Cobra and was like, I gotta invent an instrument.
It was probably a family lineage that kept getting bitten by Cobras and they used the wrong ones like, Recorder?
No!
Get the drums!
It's not working!
Only making it better!
Oboe!
There we go.
Doodly-doo.
It's fine now.
Shouldn't Choysaws know this?
Friendly little cobra.
He should know this.
He's musically gifted.
Oh, the cobra don't like you.
I don't know how they figured that out.
I also don't know who figured out how the first person who ate a pineapple.
There must have been a lot of trial and error.
You know koalas have syphilis.
Who figured that out?
Really?
Yeah, probably a guy who was like, my pee burns.
Yes.
That's why they wear the wigs.
Some guy was trying to make an excuse.
No, actually, you know what, that's medical misinformation.
It was a guy making an excuse to his wife.
Like, ah, it's just that I was a... No, I was just, I was doing, studying koalas.
I wasn't at Jiggles.
No, I was just handling the koalas.
Yeah.
One of them spit in my mouth for extra money.
What's that, crabs?
Oh, sloth!
I was in a sloth exhibit!
Took a while.
Oh, these iguanas.
They all have herpes.
Yeah, for crying out loud.
You can't stop them from crawling up your bum, you know, everywhere.
I was at a grizzly bear bathhouse.
Yes.
That's how I got the hiv.
I didn't even know they had public restrooms for grizzly bears.
But, you know, Lick, what are you going to do?
It's the government.
They love salmon and AIDS.
Yeah, and that's what they do.
They spread it.
By the way, look, just real quick, Hong Kong is gonna kill 2,000 animals because of fears of COVID spread.
Are you serious?
That's what they're saying right now!
What kind of animals?
I have no idea, but probably the ones that we like that are cuddly.
Don't you love how they racistly bring on an Asian to discuss Hong Kong?
How racist?
They're just like, we can't have someone talk about this who isn't clearly Asian.
Somebody who might know somebody who eats dog.
Yes.
Preferably.
That's really what they just did.
Yeah.
Right now on CNN.
Let's see what they're saying right now.
Hold on on CNN before we get to the Hell Escape that is New York.
Yeah, there's such a variety of the way countries react to this.
Celina Wang, thanks so much.
She just breaks it right out.
I love how he just equivocates.
Yes!
He's just like, there's such a stark contrast.
Yeah, and one of them sucks.
Can you say which one, CNN?
Slaughtering 2,000 animals because of COVID transmission fears.
Yeah.
Make them wear masks.
Maybe that'll work.
They're not even telling us the animal, though.
That's weird.
No.
Horses.
Slaughtering 2,000 animals who've never had COVID, just like they never found the bat.
It's just like a koala guy.
No, COVID no, not lab, come from bat!
And koala!
Bat with COVID just like koala with syphilis, you know?
I don't have to explain again, already explained.
Cue the bat and koala!
So speaking of killing, New York is one of the worst states in the Union, so we're going to go through some states here, specifically New York and California, because it's very, very clear.
You know, we used to have cities that were examples of leftist utopias, like Detroit, like Chicago.
Now we have whole states.
And you can see, if the policies worked, well, New York and California would be paradise on earth.
So now we're going to go to New York first, which brings us to our new recurring segment, Empire State of Crime.
So over the weekend, a deranged man pushed an Asian woman in front of a Times Square subway.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, white supremacist?
Of course.
Watch the clip.
61-year-old Simon Marshall was far from quiet Saturday as he was hauled out of the Midtown South precinct.
Police say he's the man accused of fatally shoving a subway rider onto the tracks hours earlier at the Times Square MTA station.
Well, hold on a second.
Does a reporter really need to say accused when the man said, yeah, I did it because I'm God?
I think I gave that guy a dollar.
Yeah, well, I think we all did.
I mean, if God was one of us!
It's true.
Just a slob?
Just think about it, like a man who's accused... I did it!
I killed her!
Why?
Because I'm God!
And do you ever notice it's always that guy claiming he's God?
Yeah.
It's always someone claiming they're... It's never like Kevin, at the copier, sitting where he's sitting like, how'd you have a good weekend?
Yeah, I got hammered, and by the way, I'm Jesus.
No shit, really, you're Jesus Christ?
Yeah!
That's weird.
It's always that guy.
Could you put your pants back on?
Yeah, well, you know what?
I guess the son of man has to abide by society.
We were all naked to begin with, bro.
So the victim was 40-year-old Michelle Goe of Manhattan.
So sad.
She was a senior manager at Deloitte and a volunteer advocate for the homeless.
The killer was a 61-year-old homeless psychopath.
Now, here's something that matters, because this could happen at any point.
We've talked about cash bail, we've talked about the revolving door of criminals in New York, you've seen the rising crime rates, all references available at lightoffcredit.com.
This is a specific instance where the killer's sister had begged the hospital to keep him admitted, saying that she was afraid of what he would do when he was released.
Now, this crime was talked about initially, and then And of course, when we found out who committed the anti-Asian
hate crime, well the media for a little while was dead silent.
Kind of like with Waukesha, Boulder, Fort Worth, the Collierville Synagogue, you know,
the media just kind of moves on.
They do.
Moves on down the trail.
Don't forget the school shooting in Fort Worth.
Yeah.
No, I included that.
I'm just shocked it wasn't a Trump support.
I just want to keep putting it up.
S6 hair is the number one problem in this country.
Well, that's what I thought.
I heard an idiot say that.
When I heard New York City pushed in front of a subway, I thought, MAGA hat?
You gotta be.
Is that like a throwback tea party ever?
Gotta be.
No doubt a guy in a powdered wig covering his koala syphilis scars.
One of the founding fathers.
Dumping all the Asians into the harbor.
Crying out loud.
Now the media, of course, they're going to force this to try and fit their narrative that all violence in the U.S.
is largely white people, white supremacy.
And I have articles here from San Francisco Chronicle, Time, CNN, San Fran Chronicle writes, Studies show that white people drive anti-Asian hate, also men who claim to be God.
The Conversation writes, White supremacy is the root of all race-related violence in the U.S.
Time wrote, I'm tired of trying to educate white people about anti-Asian racism.
CNN wrote, white supremacy and hate are haunting Asian Americans.
This is all despite the fact that, what is the number, 28?
I think it's 28% of crimes against Asian victims are in fact committed by black Americans.
Oh, the highest of any.
Of any race.
Interracial crimes.
Just for context.
And also ironic that the San Francisco Chronicle would write about that because a 2008 San Francisco Police Department survey found 85% of all physical assault crimes in the Bay Area consisted of a black attacker on an Asian victim.
I'm sorry, Stephen, you meant to say white.
Yes.
Yeah.
This is all brand new because you know when you watch Manister Society that was made, you know, 30 years ago.
Yeah.
I feel sorry for your mother.
Yeah.
And then they shoot him and his wife.
Welcome to New York.
That one was Compton, but same.
We'll inspire you, you'll step in hobo poop.
That parody has to be made.
I actually wrote one.
What?
I wrote one, too.
I have a New York State of Mind.
We both wrote them.
You should have, like, a competing, like, dance-off.
No, yeah, I wrote one, and then you wrote one.
Then we should combine it to make it a superpower.
Yeah.
Ah.
Huh.
First I raised a hobo man, then I went on Subway, then I pushed an Asian lady right on the Subway.
Ha.
What?
You can't say Subway.
You read Subway with Subway?
Destiny's Child did it, so why can't I go?
Ha.
They rhyme down like that, with, down like that.
Yeah.
Ha.
Oh, what a marvelous talent.
Oh, wow.
Give him an award.
Best rapper alive.
Not for long.
Seriously.
No.
There's another rapper coming out.
I'm just saying more rappers are coming out.
He chose the wrong door.
Sitting on the sidewalk, body surrounded in chalk.
Yeah.
Why use a chalk though?
Why don't use a hobo?
Maybe use a sharpie?
Then I can get gnarky.
I don't even know what I'm rhyming.
I just say yeah, and then I rhyme ha with ha.
Yeah, ha.
Five million homeless pulling out saying rope this.
He's a guest appearance from Kanye.
Oh, he's masturbating on the train.
Which they do!
I live there, it's like, and nobody cares, you're just like, well we don't want to go to that side of the car, the man's pleasuring himself, we'll just be over here where Spider-Man's asking for change.
It's a hellhole.
Masturbating hobo, right on the subway, can't do it alone, gotta do it his way, ha!
This is a commercial for Burger King.
Have it your way!
Have it your way!
Can we ever find, like, when's the next time going to come out, like, hey, a mass murderer was pushed onto the subway tracks and killed.
It's like, oh, well, you know, that's not the right thing to do, but it kind of took out the trash a little bit.
That's like in Russia, where the guy, did you see the story?
We can bring this up.
I wasn't planning on talking about this, but in Russia, did you see?
No.
It was a pedophile, yeah, a pedophile in Russia.
Russia let him off.
So this pedophile, what happened is the guy who killed the pedophile, this guy killed a pedophile who was interested, I believe in his daughter.
And the pedophile, they ruled that it was a suicide with the pedophile digging his own grave and stabbing himself 38 times.
That was in Russia?
Yes!
I have a much better, like, view of Russia now!
Clearly, you can tell by where the cuts are.
The fact that they're all in his back.
Yeah, exactly.
He had great flexibility.
He had great flexibility.
Listen, we all know that pedophiles, when they kill themselves, dig own graves, stab themselves exclusively in back, and cut off balls.
This is standard pedophile suicide case.
My hands are tied!
He tied himself to tree and bled out through crotch.
Yes, exactly.
Shoved his balls in his mouth.
Very, very sick man.
Of course he gouge out eyes first with soldering iron.
Why you ask stupid question?
He sends friend's message.
Yes.
He sends friend message that, you know, that he likes children and then of course he had nipples sawed off.
And then he chopped off both hands.
Yes.
Sounds very difficult.
It is run-of-mill pedophile suicide.
I don't know what you want me to do about it.
Do we find that story?
You guys can bring it back up, I'm sure.
You don't need to search admission control.
Find that story.
It was a pedophile.
38 times.
I think that's the best judgment I've ever heard.
Yes, absolutely.
I mean, Russia gets something right.
Yeah, I think the judge actually stood up and applauded as he was leaving.
The guy just takes a bow, they all do a Russian dance.
Yeah, Gerard Butler was like, huh, that's pretty good.
I did something similar in the movie.
And now I present the comedic stylings from Yakov Smirnov.
In Russia, pedophile suicide you!
Thank you.
That does not even make sense.
Then again, I don't know.
I'm drunk.
Let's go to Branson.
Val is checking on California.
Again, sorry for people who live in California and people who live in New York.
I was just there.
Nice people.
Yes, wonderful people, but the state sucks.
Much like New York, California is also a hellhole, which brings us to what's new in the People's Republic of
California.
So we have a few trends to get to in California.
Here's one.
I don't know if you know this, a new trend.
It's sort of more of a throwback.
It's a throwback Thursday.
Cargo trains being robbed.
Oh, really?
Yeah, this is the latest trend because when you run out of stuff to steal in Walgreens.
With cargo trains, it's only $900 of merchandise per cart.
Ah, I was about to say, like, is the threshold slightly different?
Yeah, and there are a lot of Well, because it's moving through municipalities, like per municipality.
Okay, yeah.
So, actually, they ran out of stuff to steal at Walgreens, and now this is the trend in California.
Don't take my word for it.
It's like a scene out of a disaster movie.
Thousands of boxes littering the Union Pacific train tracks in downtown LA.
You deserve this, California.
But unlike in Hollywood, these aren't props.
They're packages belonging to people from all over the country.
Retailers like Amazon and REI.
Thieves have been raiding the cargo containers on the trains that stop here to unload for months, leaving behind shredded boxes and things they don't want, like home COVID tests.
What?
They don't want the home COVID test?
Is that why there's a shortage?
They're throwing out the COVID test.
Robert Ford is the one doing it.
He's like, already had it, so... Trains!
I love it.
Yeah.
You should see what they did to the two guys who just had that seesaw.
Come faster!
Let's get it.
I love how that one train comes up and he's like, nope.
Can you imagine the conductor who's just like, oh, windows up.
By the way, Thomas, the tank engine, just got raped.
Ah, jeez.
He's just too nice for this business.
It's shining time rapin', where dreams can come true.
I think I can, I think, oh no.
No!
I don't want to!
Please stop!
I can't!
You're hurting me!
Stop pulling my steam whistle!
I can blow your whistle baby, whistle baby!
So we actually have live footage though of another robbery in action.
I think they're covering it on CNN right now as we're here.
Let's see.
With all due respect, Your Majesty, we're in the middle of the desert.
No one can see it from the outside.
Oh yeah...
Your majesty, but...
You were just in here, your majesty.
Oh.
Now in fact, Tokenaro, we didn't do that.
That wasn't our Photoshop.
That was an actual Bollywood film.
That was released in theaters.
Yeah.
Well, we got Choi to jump out of the helicopter, though, so that was fun.
I thought that was real.
Is that not how they do it?
We didn't do that.
What did they leave behind?
They spent all their budget on dancers.
Was that poo, though?
I believe, yeah.
California.
More accustomed to that.
He swapped it.
It's a temple of poo.
I would see that movie all day.
Yes, I would.
Interestingly, if you go to the theaters, they play it all day.
Oh, that's true.
That's their only release, yes.
Oh, nice.
Releasing this weekend is, uh, it's, uh, Poop Train.
Again.
Yes.
Again.
No other releases.
Part 8.
Yes.
He pretends to be old lady.
Part 8, just when you thought it was safe to go back on the poop train.
Spoiler!
It's not!
Do a real version of that where it's just the guy in a mask of an old woman and everybody's like, I know you're not her.
Yes!
But he's still got a suit on, you know?
That's called the modern LGBTQAIP movement.
You can't question it, there you go.
But I'm wearing a dress!
You clearly didn't even do the hormone replacement therapy.
Oh no, skunk again!
Yeah, they have to pretend that it's her.
Yeah.
Like, look, it's illegal if we don't, I don't know, something.
Yeah, yeah, something like that.
Don't misgender the thief.
He's not wearing any pants.
So here's another situation going on in California.
Just in case, again, you were wondering, hey, what does the left do, like, in Australia?
What do they do in Europe?
What do they do in Canada when they have unfettered power?
Well, you can kind of look to California.
Yeah.
Last week California parents, they won a lawsuit forcing California schools, this is a good thing, but initially California schools were teaching Aztec chants in the curriculum.
Now I know what you're thinking, why is there a problem with that?
Why would the parents want to force them to remove the Aztec chants?
That's because California's ethnic studies model curriculum, wow that's a phrase, included prayers to the Aztec gods I don't know.
Look, I'm not up to speed on my Aztec gods.
Directly to Tezcatlipoca, whose god introduced human sacrifice to Mexico.
So they're good with that.
They were teaching kids, yeah, chants to a god who encouraged human sacrifice.
So similar to, like, abortion.
Is that the head down the stairs?
I'm not entirely sure, but either way, someone using... Are mine and Aztec the same?
Am I wrong?
No.
It's close, though.
They're close enough.
Well, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be ignorant about, you know, dead things that we shouldn't be praying to.
When I was in Cancun, there was a guy selling shirts to white people that said, like, Aztec and Mayans, right?
And I said, like, no, I don't want any Mayan shirts.
He said, oh, you know, I have Aztec.
I said, no, I'm looking for Incas.
And the guy, I swear to you, he was sharp as a tack.
He goes, that's Peru, you dumbass.
Okay, so Snopes even fact-checked this story and claimed the chant wasn't actually to a god, rather it was the concept of self-reflection, but the lawsuit settlement actually showed the Department of Education.
You know what, the point is they didn't dispute the parents' claim, and the chant violated the California Religious Freedom Clause.
So here to actually tell us about this and encourage us to learn more about these Mayan chants is our dedicated Mayan correspondent.
I don't think we can hear you, Mayim.
Oh, is this how we do the chant?
That's enough.
Just go along with it.
This is to protect the Lepakian god.
I do this I guess.
Alright, and that's how we do it.
No, no, no.
No, that's enough.
Stop, stop, stop.
That's enough.
No wonder we don't teach it in schools.
It's going to be a Mel Gibson movie, that's all I know.
Yeah, already was.
All Mel Gibson wants to do is focus on death.
Like, he makes good movies, but you know, no matter what it is, something has to die as poorly as possible.
Yeah, he's Mel Gibson.
Yeah, you were covered in blood in Braveheart.
I think we can do better with the American Revolution.
Mel, you were covered in blood with the American Revolution.
I think we can do better with the Mayans.
Yes.
What do you have planned?
I want things to die!
And to be blown in the Jacuzzi because I deserve it.
Can we do Christ?
It looks like he died painfully.
Yes, even Jesus is like, you can tone it down a bit, Mel.
Yeah, jeez.
Whoa, Mel.
I was there.
You don't know anything about it, okay?
I've studied this for years.
Like, it has a happy ending.
I don't give a shit!
You asked me to come on for Creative Direction.
I was the guy.
You will see everything but the return.
I want to go right up to the point.
Before the salvation thing.
That's what I want.
Can I do the Russian pedophile thing?
I want to do everything right up until the whole point of when he returns.
I will be in the hot tub awaiting a beager.
You don't need redemption.
Now, if screwing up education wasn't enough, California is also now trying to give... Wait, what is going on on CNN?
I'm sorry, I just keep getting distracted.
Are they showing the Russian military?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
The Russians are going to invade Ukraine, but don't worry, it's totally fine.
They're probably not going to do it harmfully.
We did not invade Ukraine.
Ukraine found themselves with an incredible number of self-suiciding pedophiles.
Ukraine was rife with pedophiles who all killed themselves by shooting themselves in the back of the head nine times.
He's in the graveyard where they all buried themselves.
Yes, shallow grave.
It's pedophile preference.
It's a well-known behavior of pedophiles.
Vladimir, is that guy being stabbed by a Russian soldier as we speak?
No, that is pedophile who's lost will to live.
I don't know.
He's screaming, please stop stabbing me.
It's so sad.
It's so sad.
It's really selfish.
It's a selfish act to commit suicide.
Pedophiles, stop being selfish.
He's selfish.
He's hitting him in the face.
They have evacuated the embassy in Ukraine.
Oh no!
Why?
Because they found out that one of their ambassadors didn't get the fourth booster?
The Omicron variant.
They're looking for all their Amazon packages.
Today never came!
What happened?
We had tests ordered!
We would be prepared!
Oh no!
It's not comically a huge amount.
Oh well.
Well look, this is gonna happen.
What a stupid world we're living in now.
You know what though?
Does anyone actually want to deny this?
When people tried to say that Donald Trump was buddy-buddy with Putin, when people tried to say that Donald Trump was buddy-buddy with Kim Jong Un, can you at least look at the behavior Yeah.
How much did Putin act up?
How many invasions at that point?
How about under Obama?
Did anybody's country not... Did it cease to be their country anymore under Obama?
Yeah, we had that a couple of times in fact.
How about under Donald Trump?
Did China do anything?
No.
Did Russia do anything?
No.
No, I think... No reason for that.
I think Kim Jong-un and Putin had a call with Donald Trump.
Like, yes, listen, he might act friendly, but this man is crazy.
He literally carries button with him and... Yes, he carries button and he mock me.
He do dick with nuclear button.
He calls everything tremendous and great.
It's non-stop.
But then when I turn my back, he have a bunch of pineapple up my ass.
So I find out he's not really friend.
No?
Thank you for warning me!
Well, that's what you need in a leader.
Go over to the country and be like, just so you know, I'm insane.
And they're like, okay.
We'll wait another three years and run Facebook ads.
Yes, we will wait.
Yes, we will definitely take the White House with stroke face, shitpants.
Yes, exactly.
Insane Trump's thug all the time.
We will roll our dice with former Vice President shitpants stroke face.
Even if you didn't like him, how can you look at the four years he was in office, especially the first three before the Democrats kind of already won, and not admit that the world was better?
I know.
I love how Putin was like, yes, Biden, big tough guy, look at this guy, great president!
It's like a kid trying to convince you when you're disciplining him, like he clearly doesn't want to get spanked.
No, no, don't ground me, that would be the worst!
Putin's like, oh no, not former Vice President Joe Biden!
This would be worst thing for Putin!
Oh, what will I do now?
Oh, no!
I swear, if you have former Vice President Biden, I will be powerless against his stroke face.
Is sleepy Alzheimer's patient?
Uh-oh!
Oh, no!
Sidekick whore who have sex with mayor!
Yes.
What will we do?
In talk show host.
Oh, no!
I hope she doesn't take office and I win.
Oh, I hope not.
If they take office, we will give Ukraine Russia!
That's how it... Oh, no!
Please don't do that!
Where's my poison umbrella?
I have to take a walk to the pedophile's house.
Not the one that shoots poison, the one with poison on tip.
This is close range poison umbrella trick.
The syringe tip.
It's old umbrella trick.
Now back to California.
Let me know, guys, if something's happening right now with Russia that I need to know about Mission Control.
Like if we're going into World War 3 while I'm live on air.
I told Lane before the show started, I was like, hey, make sure you keep an eye on Ukraine.
Also, Amtrak, you're giving out free COVID tests.
So if you're looking for one in California.
It's important.
Hold on.
No, no, no.
You have to go to the government website that is set up to find the test.
It'll tell you there's a box by a train.
Yes.
You can go look.
And if you need a place to log into the government website, there are complimentary laptops available at the Amtrak station.
That's true.
And also every Walgreens in California.
They're complimentary.
Absolutely.
You can take anything you like.
Yes.
Whatever you want.
900 or less.
You know, former Vice President Joe Biden doesn't even know about this right now because he's getting the early bird special at Bob Evans.
He's calling it a day.
What are you talking about?
It's over.
He's been up since 3 a.m.
This is terrifying.
You know what?
You guys can comment below and let me know.
This is happening live, of course.
Updates here with Russia.
What you think is going to be going on.
And also smash that like button.
Do you think Biden gets up to do his workouts at 3 a.m.
and it's that old machine that just like warms your stomach?
Yeah.
Like you can have a cigarette while it does it for you.
Yeah, he's wearing a leotard.
He's wearing the one piece bathing suit.
It really works!
If he just shits all over- Oh, pardon me.
Alright, let's go back to- Come on, we're demonetizing.
Son's just going to bed from Coke.
Coca-Cola.
Parm.
Parm cheese.
Parmesan.
Parmesan cheese.
So if education, we need to go back to California here domestically, wasn't enough.
They screwed that up.
They're now also, and I know you're going to say good thing, but then we'll give you some numbers, trying to give everyone in California free healthcare.
Oh, good!
California is poised to be, if this proposal is supported, the first state in the country to achieve universal access to health coverage.
Under Governor Newsom's plan unveiling his new state budget, Medi-Cal coverage would be extended to an additional 700,000 Californians, provided they meet the income criteria.
For a family of four, that means making less than $36,570.
Who hired that man to do the voice?
Governor Newsom.
He believes that he will increase marine health care.
Why are you talking that way?
I had a stroke.
Yes, just before we started taping.
Yes, just before we started taping.
Despite your bleeding, it feels like it's bleeding.
Oh, I smell burnt toast.
I loved playing Bullwinkle.
They taste pennies and I'm very scared. Is anybody else's chest constricting?
I just got my fourth booster.
What a silly voice.
Can we play that clip again?
I just want to make sure I'm not mistaken.
That is so bad.
That's why they have the sign language lady.
California is poised to be, if this proposal is supported, the first state in the country to achieve universal access to health coverage.
Under Governor Newsom's plan unveiling his new state budget, Medi-Cal coverage would be extended to... That's every bit as bad as I remembered.
That is real.
This guy's signer is a clown, so it helps to kind of... This is California where you have every voice actor readily available, and this guy shows up.
It's the good news, we have one of the Muppets.
One of the Attenborough brothers going like, nope, you don't need me.
Are you sure?
You're going with that guy.
Alright, I'm the guy that does Big Bird.
Hey, get out!
This is my gig!
It's union scale!
We have to tell people about free healthcare!
Oh no, they robbed a train!
That was my train!
This is not healthcare, this is health coverage.
They say that on purpose.
Healthcare is actually being able to see a doctor.
You know what healthcare is not.
Hey, I'm the one who wrote the copy.
Don't get wise with me.
I read what I write.
And I write what I read.
What?
I urinated on myself.
Again.
I can't feel anything on the left side of my body.
Oh no.
I'm so cold.
I'm so cold!
No, no, I'm hot!
It's like, how do we make Gavin or Newsom look cool?
I don't know.
Get Mr. Magoo in here.
Get the silliest cartoon.
Get a cartoon ghost.
Yeah.
Would it be out of line for me to ask you, can we play this again?
No, I think it's out of line.
No, I agree.
Okay, play it one more time.
I want to make sure it's real too.
This man was hired.
Where is it?
Hey, be quicker to the draw!
It sounds like he's mocking him.
Maybe that's what he's doing.
He's just so tired of it, he's mocking Newsom.
Oh my gosh, and you wonder why we have no faith in our institutions.
budget for a family of four that means making less than 36,570 dollars.
Maybe that's what he's doing. He's just so tired of it he's mocking Newsom.
Oh my gosh and you wonder why we have no faith in our institutions.
Like hey why don't Americans trust the media?
I'm gonna go eat a cat.
That's a slap.
Gavin, our Newsom's done one good thing.
There's a surplus of stray cats.
Universal cats.
And I find myself a retainer for voiceover jobs.
More people push in front of a train.
Next!
It's never been easier to find myself a gaggle of crack whores.
Yes.
The guy that played the father on my show is loving all the crack at the men.
He can't get enough of crackin' men, apparently.
Well, California's the state for him.
By the way, if you loved Elf as a kid and you don't know that, just Google the dad.
Don't do it.
It ruins everything.
Oh, boy.
I don't know what you got into, Elf.
Oh, not what you've gotten into.
Whoa, I gotta go do a voiceover for serious news.
All I did was eat a couple of tabbies.
You found yourself blowing a guy in the subway for a bent, burnt spoon.
I came up with that, an alien Muppet.
I'm not the only one that has a handed by ass.
It was Jerry Stahl who was a heroin addict.
He was a gay heroin addict.
This character represents me.
Yes, he likes stuff in him.
Feels like he's from outer space.
Hey Jerry, I'm a hand puppet, not a cock puppet.
That was just the 80s drug problem with all the sitcoms, because they were just like, we can just add a kid, right?
They're like, yeah, it's fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
Totally fine, yeah.
What about an alien who eats cats?
Uh, yeah.
That's lunch.
They gotta eat something.
Mork was a hit.
So they're now making free healthcare for everybody in California, and that'll put the total cost of universal healthcare at $400 billion a year, the estimates.
Contrast their current total budget.
For the state.
For the state.
It's only $276 billion.
So you're saying this is more.
It's more than the total state budget.
And actually, well, right now I think we're seeing on CNN, we're just seeing, yep, receiving word that the estimate
has just tripled for healthcare.
This is CNN Breaking News.
Tell me what you like, I'll do anything, side to side.
I'll go far enough, side to side. I know I've got all your love.
Now this brings me to an important point.
People today who think they support socialism and Marxism or that communism is beautiful theory, you do understand that it's based on you effectively working six days a week, hard manual labor for the greater good of the community.
You do realize that it doesn't work if you fancy yourself a professional stripper who couldn't make the cut, burlesque dancer for short.
I don't even think that's... Too fat to be a stripper.
I got a job for you.
Not even close to being a stripper.
I'm sorry, it sounds like you missed it by a little bit.
And then these people today say, like, well, I don't think, you know, fat pride.
Why are we framing this in the conversation through health?
Well, you can't say that.
You can't say that all bodies are healthy and big and beautiful and then demand socialized health care.
Do you have any idea what Stalin would have done?
You would have fed a family for a week!
Do you know what they do first?
They shoot you because you take up too many resources and you can't do any work.
Right.
This is a bad idea.
You want to switch your market.
But here in the United States of America, the party that aligns itself with socialist values wants its citizens to be as much of a burden, a drain on the system as possible in order to buy more votes.
My point is this.
Communism has never worked, right?
Ever.
Socialism has effectively never worked.
And everyone, the argument, what do you always hear is, well, it hasn't been done correctly.
Correctly, yeah.
So the way you do it correctly is by ensuring that the people who provide the least and take the most from society are in charge of our system.
Do I have that about right?
You think it's going to be more effective with people of a BMI of 94?
Or you could pretty much do it like China where the government just steals all of the capitalist money and then does whatever they want with it.
Yeah.
I mean, that's always good too.
And you can't find a fat person.
Wow.
Nary a one.
I'm just glad they're outside.
Yeah.
Or a dog.
Getting some vitamin D. Yeah, you need it.
You're very pale when you're a burlesque dancer.
Yes, you are.
It's because it's dark in there for a reason.
So, in order to fund the CalCare plan, which is what they're calling it, California would roughly have to double They're already really high.
Yeah, pretty damn high.
Look, I see where you're going with it.
What I want you to do is take your taxes and double it.
So this would mean a yearly increase in household taxes of about $12,250.
That won't affect anybody.
$12,250.
And I know people, before you say, well, hold on a second, that's just the average.
It only affects the ultra-rich.
It would actually increase income on anyone making over $149,000, which if you know California, San Francisco, these areas, that would not be considered very rich.
But we can say upper middle class.
Here's the other thing.
Employers, there's going to be an added tax, an added payroll tax, for any employees being paid more than $49,000 a year.
So this tax will be levied on every single person making $49,000 a year or more.
That's almost all of them in California, because you can't survive on much less than that.
You can't survive on $149,000 a year, let alone live.
Also, when you read the tax code, this is what I do love about it.
One of our researchers, Kevin, found this.
Add to all of this another 2.3% increase in additional taxes to businesses for, quote, for the, quote, privilege of doing business in California.
Oh, and by the way, you need to understand these are not taxes on profits.
These are taxes on revenue.
Yes.
Not on your profits.
No.
On your revenue.
Let's say you sell a billion dollars worth of goods, but you only make a hundred million dollars because you're a terrible businessman and that's a really bad profit.
Well, let's go with fifty million because that's grocery store money right there.
They're going to tax you on... No one spends money on groceries.
They're going to steal them.
Well, that's true.
That's a bad deal.
You're still paying for groceries?
Five-finger discount!
Four-finger!
Every grocery store making...
Four finger.
Yeah.
Every Kroger making 1.95% in California is going to have to pay a 2.3% tax and they're
just going to have that prison.
Well, everything that you have gets stolen.
You're constantly being robbed.
There's no police protection.
All your stuff's laying on a train track somewhere and it's like, that's the privilege of doing
business in California.
We assure you, your business will be horribly unsuccessful.
We are aware that you have many choices when choosing to do business in California, and we thank you for being coerced into staying here.
Now, the 49 other states don't have what we're offering, which is pure hysteria and crime.
When you guys leave California, because we know you will if this passes, just remember that this sucks, and the place you're going to is probably better than California, so maybe give it a while before you start trying to change it to California.
Yeah, don't try and turn Texas, Idaho, these places into California.
Don't do it.
Please, just stop.
Just stay where you are, and be kind, and die.
Well, I was told California was eventually going to fall off of the United States and float away.
That was a promise!
That's the last time I rely on Al Gore for climate advice.
I think it's the San Andreas's fault.
Yep.
Start putting some dynamite in that thing.
Geography humor, everybody.
You know what, though?
Here's something.
You know how you know that California is remarkably inconsistent?
This is one example.
Like we've said, we haven't changed our position on vaccines.
Yeah.
Have we changed our position on taxes?
No.
Have we changed our position on...
Freedom of education?
No.
Firearms?
No.
California, now keep in mind, this is the place that believes that increasing taxes are such a deterrent that they have astronomically increased taxes not only in tobacco products but flavored nicotine products because they say this will discourage people.
Look, the high price of these tobacco products will discourage people from purchasing it, yet they believe the opposite applies to income.
How are you going to discourage tobacco use?
We're going to increase the taxes.
How are you going to encourage businesses?
We're going to increase the taxes.
They also think you shouldn't be allowed to have a gun unless it's being pointed at a cinematographer and you're filming it.
Yes.
Well, that's true.
Yes, precisely.
It's true, though.
I think that Kazakhstan guy should come in and roast the California legislature.
I see what you're trying to do right now, but I'm not in the mood.
I want it.
No, I'm too upset.
Come on.
Now, here's the thing.
I understand what some of you are saying.
Yeah, look, but California is an exception because they've clearly done wonderful work with their current tax dollars at work.
Residents forced to walk in the street as a massive homeless encampment covers the sidewalk.
This scene in Hollywood repeated all across the city.
I'm living somewhere where I don't feel safe taking my mom for a walk.
They went into the kitchen.
Somebody defecated on the ground.
Right to this side is the bathrooms.
They defecated in the bathroom and smeared it all over the place.
Smeared it.
Art.
Street residents say they're afraid to drive through and most wouldn't dare walk through it day or night.
I love how she's trying to just paint.
She's trying to be articulate.
They defecated and there was also ejaculate.
Thank God she's got a mask on though or else that would be disgusting.
Thank God she's got a mask on though or else that would be disgusting.
Yeah, that would...
They defecated all over the walls.
I would burn down the bathroom.
Never going there again.
I'm not cleaning that.
California has been so effective that not only have their trains been robbed, they now have apps to track hobo poop, but U-Haul literally ran out of trucks trying to leave California this year.
Sorry.
Yes, I would like to get a truck to get the hell out of here.
Some people calling U-Haul find their voicemails going unanswered.
There's just a U-Haul shaped dust cloud.
Any way out.
We have one left.
Oh, no.
Mom's just stole it.
He caught the U-Haul van going anywhere.
There's six left, but there's just people having sex in it.
You don't want that one.
Look, you can rent it if you want, but they're gonna put up a fight.
We've tried to get them out for weeks.
They've been painting with poop for months.
What a hellhole.
This is what you... And then they're like, don't worry, there's going to be free health care.
It's like, you have a guy paying $9,000 to live in an apartment and then a family of 12 living for free in front of the building.
It's insane.
Well, they're using all those boxes they found down by the trains.
It's like, oh, this is perfectly good roofing.
Who's ordering tents these days?
Because they're getting stolen left and right.
Also, like, houses.
Aren't you, aren't you, you know, the climate alarmists, aren't you the ones who are supposed to be resourceful?
Look, look, just have the hobos poop in the empty boxes.
Right.
Just start.
Like, you don't have to let the poop fall wherever it lies.
Just use the box.
And then put a guarantee on the side of the box.
And then we can recycle the box.
By slapping an Amazon label on it, putting it on my porch, and catching the porch thieves.
I'm not going to take a poop if there's no guarantee on the box.
I got the extra time.
What an awful, awful, awful place.
Just a complete hellhole.
They're proud of themselves.
Why would you live there?
I live in a place where I don't feel safe to take my mom for a walk.
Yeah, you don't.
No.
Well, and really, it's just the major cities there.
Oh, Northern California's beautiful.
Yeah, if you get out of the major cities, you can literally just walk with seeds that you can find anywhere on planet Earth and they will actually grow in California.
It is super fertile and beautiful, except you get to the cities and they just screw everything up.
Well, and it's one of those things, too, where you can't just argue, like, well, the only reason that Texas is successful is because of natural resources.
No, no, no.
California.
You have every possible natural advantage that exists.
And by the way, you had every possible financial advantage that existed until the recent decades of your policies.
Just like Detroit, as a city, Detroit, the wealthiest city in the country, I believe the world at one point in the 1950s, and now it's the worst.
There has not been a Republican mayor since 1961.
You have had your way.
Detroit is an exemplary student and California is the exemplary school, and New York, in leftist policies.
Again, I ask you, California, has any of this made your state any better?
New York, has any of this made your state any better?
You want to find common ground?
Let's get away from the economic theories.
Let's get away from the general concept of right and wrong and taxation without representation.
Basically, taxation being theft to some people.
Let's get away from all of that.
Pragmatically speaking, is your state better off?
California?
New York?
Detroit?
Chicago?
Are your cities better off?
Here's a good metric.
Are more people trying to get in than out?
Or is it the opposite of that?
Well, if there were more U-Haul vans.
Yeah, I was gonna say, the U-Haul trucks, they're not, uh... I rarely see U-Hauls going into Detroit.
Nor Jets pizzas deliveries.
No.
No, I used to deliver pizza.
After my third robbery, they stopped.
I'm kidding.
Well, Dave, it was you holding yourself up.
Yeah, but they would take the pizza, too.
Well, that was you eating the pizza.
And my money.
Supposedly.
And then leave you in ditch for dead, stabbing himself 28 times.
I really just went to my friend's house, got high, and ate pizza, and I was like, I got robbed again.
You guys owe me $83.
Dave, that's the sixth time this week.
And here's the thing, too, while we're talking about this.
I told you on the outset that we were going to talk about this and we're going to play Bad Movie Lines on Mug Club for people who are not members.
You can smash that like button if you're watching on YouTube.
All of it helps because if you search this show and the title of this show, it will not show up on YouTube.
Ah, well that's how algorithms work.
You can search the exact title.
And you will not find it.
People talk about this a lot and people ask us because we have a lot of viewers in New York and
in California about what do we do, you know, and you feel like you just want to give up. And I
understand that and I don't think that at a certain point leaving a state is giving up. That's not
giving up if you're moving out of a state. But sometimes you'll have these people who try to be
motivational speakers on Instagram, you know, and sell ass pads or whatever the hell it is or my
fit tea and they'll tell you that, you know, all you need to succeed is just never give up.
And I hate to deliver some some tough news for you.
Well, that's not true.
That's not all you need.
Now, it's important.
It is important to not give up.
But it's not all you need.
I want to tell you that the road to success is still littered with people who didn't give up.
That being said, there is no one at the end of that trail who got there by giving up.
So I want to make this clear.
Not giving up.
Sticking with something.
Grit.
Discipline.
It's not a guarantee.
It's not a promise.
But it is a requirement.
It is a minimum.
And this is one thing we've always talked about this on this show.
Look, if you pick fights If you exclusively pick fights that you only know you will win, you're a bully.
If you pick fights that you exclusively know you will lose, you are a fool.
All you need to pick a fight and choose in your mind to not give up is to know that you can win, to know that you can take some steps forward.
So I don't want to give you a false motivation and say, if you just never give up, you will find yourself at the rainbow of success.
No.
But if you want to even have a semblance of hope, And rather than take this as defeatism, know that, okay, now you have a blueprint.
Not giving up is a requirement.
You have no chance if you give up.
It's not a guarantee.
It's a minimal requirement.
And everyone at this point, everyone watching right now, everyone listening right now, You have to flip that switch in your brain and decide, it doesn't really matter if I win or not.
I only know that I can win, and not giving up is a requirement.
You need to fight for your states.
You need to fight for your freedoms.
You need to take part in your local elections.
You need to understand what's happening culturally.
You need to be aware of what's going on in your family's household.
You need to take an active role, and you need to accept that you're going to have to do that every single day.
Every day, when you wake up, your head pops off that pillow, for the rest of your life, if you have any semblance of maintaining the country that you know and love.
There is no other way, and there is no promise.
But at least set your mind to the minimum.
We all have to do it.
Stop bitching, get to work, don't give up.
YouTube, you know what, let's just go straight, because I don't even know if we want to show the trailer for Bad Movie Lens on YouTube.
Could get us in trouble.
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