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June 21, 2021 - Louder with Crowder
45:43
Who ACTUALLY Divides Americans?? Don Lemon Pushes Race-Baiting Narrative | Louder with Crowder
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Down to Earth, y'all.
What if they green-laced your ears?
What if they glow red and you pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop?
Planets down to Earth, down, down to Earth, y'all.
Down to Earth, y'all.
What if they green-laced your ears?
What if they glow red and you pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop?
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🎵 Music 🎵 You're doing strange and wrong, that is what I know.
You're doing strange and wrong, I know the fault.
Ooh.
Mmm.
Easy.
Oh.
Disgusting.
Satisfyingly disgusting.
Mmm.
Seven up.
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
No.
Sprung.
Fago moon mist.
For all you juggalos and juggalettes out there.
Anyway, welcome to Louder with Crowder with Dave Landau today.
That's me.
What?
Stephen is out right now.
He's pre-taping some stuff because, as you know, he's gonna be going into surgery.
Getting that baboon heart put in.
Oh, yeah, right.
A better heart.
Yeah, a better heart.
Much better.
Well, a bigger heart.
I don't think you can get him a bigger heart.
No, I think that's the problem.
There's not enough space.
No, there's not.
It's too large.
It's killing him.
It's just too big of a heart.
Yeah, that's what I think.
He's the Grinch at the end of the story.
Yes, he is.
Yeah.
Yes, when it grew three sizes and anyone else would collapse.
It's actually the diagnostic tool they used on Stephen was that magnifying glass.
Really?
And it broke and it was like, boing!
They brought in a crying little girl.
It grew three sizes, that Cindy Lou Who.
Well, today we've got Gerald A. Howdy!
We've got Angel A.
There you go.
And ahoy everyone.
Yes, we got tiny Tim Tebow.
I don't know why.
Tim Tebow.
We got Quarter Black!
What's up?
What's going on?
And my personal fave, no offense to you guys, Braw Daddy.
Where you at?
Stop, David, stop.
Oh, I do, I do it.
I do.
Not awkward at all.
What?
No, I'm kidding.
It's like at the end of Wizard of Oz, where it's like, I'm gonna miss you the most, whatever, lion tin man.
What about the rest?
I'll make you the most.
And you the most.
And you the most.
I'll just go commit suicide.
The Tin Man just goes and stands in the rain.
That's the Cowardly Lion's way out.
All right, glad to be back in the chair today.
Enough of that.
Anyway, yes.
Today we'll be talking about Juneteenth being made a federal holiday.
It's my time.
That's right.
Congratulations to Quarter Black.
And what that means for America.
We'll also be hitting Biden's German shepherd champ, Don Lemon, pushing critical race theory and a climate organization inspired by Greta Thunberg shutting down over racism.
We'll also be hitting newest Victoria's Secret model Megan Rapinoe, is that correct?
That's correct.
Rapinoe being cancelled for an old tweet, the Michigan Attorney General going full totalitarian mode, and Fabletics and Adidas newest advertisement strategies.
So, go ahead, watch.
And right now we're going to see this if you get ready.
Just don't throw up.
It's James Corden and his vaccine video.
Let's check it out, guys.
♪♪ Well, I've seen enough.
-♪♪ I already hate it.
Very gay.
Yeah.
Is that door a closet?
Let his wife know.
Who goes outside in their robe?
They had time to dress.
Oh.
We're vaccinated, let's get day drunk.
Oh good, Santa.
That beard is on his wife.
Oh my goodness.
Yes, that beard is not his.
Oh boy.
What city is this supposed to be?
There's no city that looks like this.
A set in L.A.
It's the New York Street in L.A.
Because New York, there'd be fecal matter everywhere.
You'd be dodging it, like, you can't do dance moves.
Oh, a Fauci trampoline!
That's cool.
It makes you bounce up and down like the way he goes with his instructions.
I never actually wished for a drive-by.
No.
Aereo.
Why?
Oh stop, you do not go to the gym.
The gym he goes to, it just has a pool and towel boys.
Swimming's a workout too.
Who is this?
Oh, go faster car.
Was that Ricky Lake?
I don't think so.
They're reaching back.
Oh no, throw that couch away.
Well, we know it's not in Oklahoma, because they have the right to mow them.
Yeah, that's true.
Oh, good.
What is that?
Oh, it's a luggage cart.
At any point, let me know when I can turn this off.
Oh, it's now.
Now's good.
Well, that was terrible.
I'm sorry.
I feel a polyp.
You're not getting out of it that easy, Dave.
Am I developing?
What?
I don't understand.
What is with every- I don't even- I hope we're allowed to say this on here, because who knows what you're even allowed to say.
What is with every talk show host saying about vaccines and doing cartoons and such-ins about it?
It's just weird.
It's strange.
Like, can you ever imagine Johnny Carson coming out and like, yeah, got the new polio vaccine?
You may have your dates a little off, but- I probably do.
I wasn't around.
I just remember Johnny's sign-off episode.
That was about it.
And then they brought in Leno and Letterman and then ever since it's all been crap.
Just endless.
Big.
What did he say?
You can finally go to a movie.
Is that what he said you can do?
You know a movie you're not gonna go to?
Cats!
Nobody did.
Nobody went to that.
I think they should combine cats and rent and call it feline AIDS.
That would make sense though.
I would go to that Broadway play.
That's what late night has become.
Do you ever watch the Carpool Karaoke?
No.
I'm not saying this should happen, I'm just saying it would be interesting to see the car get t-boned.
Especially if it's not an act you like.
Like if he's just in there with you two and all of us, and just a garbage truck hits the side of it.
Yeah, it doesn't have to hit on the driver's side, just on whoever the guest is.
Yeah, that's the rating right there.
And just watch James Corden dance out of the wreck.
I'm not bleeding anymore.
Terrible.
So we are on Instagram, we're also on TikTok, because unfortunately that exists.
It's a platform.
Yeah, it's a live show Monday through Thursday at 10am.
You can go to MugClub slash live chat, and please comment, comment, comment after this, and I'm gonna go ahead and plug myself.
You can see me this weekend.
Comment, comment, comment.
About you this weekend.
About seeing me this weekend.
Where?
Buffalo, New York, and then next week at Big L's in Emily, Minnesota.
There you go.
Big L's.
I'm looking forward to it.
The guy who runs it's a really nice guy.
Nice.
Be July 1 and 2.
Then I'm gonna be in like Des Moines and a few other places over this little break we have.
Tickets for this weekend's show because people keep, you know, finding out that it sells out really quick.
They sell out quicker than me for a paycheck.
There you go.
There you go.
So here we go, guys.
Are you ready for this?
Yeah.
I don't know if you've heard the big news.
Last week, Juneteenth was made a federal holiday.
Yep, so that means... Nothing!
Yeah!
All right.
Congratulations to everyone.
How do you feel about that, QB?
I feel really good, you know?
I feel like reparations have been paid and we can move on.
As long as you got a holiday.
Are we just not taking the time to say 19th?
It's Ebonics.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I think... I just want to be current.
Did they ask the LGBTQAIP plus community if that was okay to take one of their days?
Is AI artificial intelligence?
I don't believe so.
Yes.
I identify as AI.
I don't know what anything means anymore.
Well, no one does.
No one does.
That way you can get in trouble for everything.
Right.
It's all a riddle.
You can just make something up.
I bet you could offend somebody just in the middle of a store and be like, you didn't call that a peep hawk.
You're like, what?
You're like, well, it's a person who eats pistachios.
Of color.
Speaking of people of color, Jussie Smollett.
Hey!
Jussie Smollett.
Yeah, haven't heard of him in a while.
Smollett.
Jussie Smollett.
Happy birthday.
He turns 39 today.
Oh, good!
Isn't that great?
Does he still have a career?
I don't know.
He barely made it, though, if we remember that story.
So glad he was able to survive.
In honor of his birthday, Subway has actually decided to induct Jussie into its Hall of Fame, alongside other prestigious inductees, like Jared, Jared's Pants, and Crying Children.
Oh, okay.
Market country.
Also in that Hall of Fame, wet meats.
Have you ever had a dry meat at a Subway?
They're all slimy.
Not even wet, slimy.
Anytime I see a Subway, I just think, your spokesperson had kitty porn.
Yeah.
You can't have a place after that.
Is he still doing time?
What happened to Jerrod?
He's gotta still be doing time.
I think they beat the crap out of him too.
Hopefully.
Yeah.
Footlongs mean a whole other thing.
Oh yeah, he's gonna get a lot of them in prison.
What if Jerrod's in there holding it down, he's head of a gang and he's got these face tattoos.
Oh yeah.
Made a hard turn.
He's just got a cold cut combo tattoo.
No, I bet he's not.
I bet he's just getting raped.
Probably.
If there's any justice.
This is every time somebody gets to a prison.
Hey, how you doing?
You want to rape the subway guy?
We do that.
First week here, you get to rape the subway guy.
It's in their pamphlet.
By the way, he is still in prison currently.
Is he?
There we go.
I hope he stays there.
Well, he deserves to stay there for quite a while.
Yeah, well, I would say till death.
Till the end of time.
I think when he dies, his bones should stay within the prison walls.
I agree, they should.
He's sentenced to 15 years and 8 months.
That's it?
That's it?
Wow.
15 years, that's pretty old for him.
All of the kids he looked at will have aged out by then.
He considers it three 5 year olds.
Can I split it up?
You're costing me four generations, Judge!
Double digits!
Disgusting!
Alright, so.
Let's ask this question of the day.
What do you think is actually driving racial tension in America?
Systemic racism.
Comment, let us know.
Is it systemic racism?
Is it the movie White Men's Burn with John Travolta?
It's one of those things.
It's one of the two.
If anyone had seen it, that might be a fact.
Yeah, I watched it and I was like, this isn't good.
Here's me after any movie with John Travolta.
Well, that was terrible.
You keep going back, expecting a different result.
Yeah.
Did you see Gotti?
He's a generous man.
I did not.
Oh, you have to.
No, I hear it's terrible.
It's why.
Oh, stop it!
I don't want to watch something horrible.
His performance in the O.J.
Simpson, that was stellar.
That made... Oh my goodness.
He was so bad, that made it.
He was just terrible.
Hard to watch.
Oh my lord.
But you know, it was good, the guy that played Cochran.
Yes.
Yeah.
He was awesome.
Very good.
He made it watchable.
No, it wasn't Kuba.
He played OJ.
He was OJ.
No, it was... I forget his name.
He's from Detroit, though.
At least went to Wayne State University, the guy who plays him.
But no, Kuba was... He's in some sexual troubles, I believe.
Is he?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah.
Ah.
Yeah.
Well, sorry, brother.
He's the ABCs in me, baby.
The ABCs?
Yeah, that's his character.
He won an Oscar for the worst performance ever.
What did he win an Oscar for?
Jerry Maguire!
Oh, I thought he was good in that.
No.
No!
No, he was not good.
No, he's just, show me the money!
And they're like, well, I guess here.
Oh, there was more to it than the catchphrase.
This equals Denzel and Glory.
What's the difference?
Yeah, we'll look over him.
Clearly.
Clearly equal caliber.
Who was he up against that year?
Was that it?
Was it that level, like Denzel?
No, that's like, if you look at what people have won for, yeah, I don't know.
I just wasn't a big fan of Jerry Maguire, but I think Tom Cruise is a bit weird.
I don't mind his height.
What a hot take.
Thank you.
Hot take.
I try.
Speaking of Jared being cancelled and cancelled, Biden's German Shepherd, Champ, died over the weekend.
One of his beloved German Shepherds, Champ, died, which is sad.
But we actually have a lead on the cause of Champ's death from a deleted tweet exclusively released to this show.
About to go on a walk with the Clintons.
Woof.
Big mistake, champ.
Dogs are so trusting.
They really are.
They really are.
And you know it's a dog who tweeted it because it says woof.
Yeah, it's authentic.
Yeah, just R.I.P.
champ.
R.I.P.
Is that the one that broke his leg by petting him?
Maybe.
That's Joe.
Yeah, because Joe broke his leg, right, while playing with the dog?
That's heroic.
How'd you break it?
Well, I bent over to Pet Champ.
Yeah, I touched a poodle and my knee went out.
Also, I'm going to be president.
Yeah.
Joe, we have people for that now.
Yeah.
Pet my dog.
Oh, he's the worst.
All right.
So anyway, Don Lemon.
Let's talk about this.
Don Lamone.
Don Lamone.
Last week, Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo talked about the great critical race.
How great?
How great.
I meant to call it the Great Critical Race Theory because it is.
But how great Critical Race Theory is.
And that white people should just stop making everything about themselves.
So if you are the person who happens to be telling the history, you're going to tell it in your favor.
And the best way to correct that, so that some people aren't over-indexed in the history of the country, is to have all voices, as many voices as possible, included in that history.
People don't like to have their pleasure interrupted, their peace interrupted.
And so people think that it should be the way that it should be because they've been taught that in this country.
But you know, telling people, having people come to the realization, especially ancestors of slaves, That they were enslaved, and that they were beaten, and that they were sold, that they weren't able to accrue wealth, that they weren't able to go to school, they weren't able to go vote.
You think that makes them feel good?
So, the folks on the other side, stop making it about you.
And be curious, instead of judgmental.
That's all.
I get that, you know.
For sure.
Fourth of July's gonna roll around, I'm still gonna have my Juneteenth decorations up.
What exactly are those?
Um, I'll tell you off.
You can't say that.
Do you realize he said folks on the other side.
You know what that means?
Yes.
You can't say white people.
You can't do that.
You say folks on the other side.
It's very strange.
I don't know.
Well, and on Sunday, Don Lemon said in an interview with Washington Post
magazine that, I don't know if America sees black people, and especially
black gay men, as fully human, and as deserving of the American dream.
What? Where are you getting this information?
Well, that is obviously not true.
Right.
America is not an inherently racist nation, and everyone is fully human, regardless of race.
I think we can agree.
Even you, Rosie O'Donnell.
We make exceptions.
I mean... Stretching it!
We're stretching it a bit, huh?
She's gross.
But what's so bad about critical race theory that Lemon is pushing, in my opinion?
You know, we've talked about it on the show a bunch, but since it's coming up so frequently, we want to explain it a little bit more in depth.
Critical race theory is based on the idea that racism is systemically embedded in American institutions, not just the result of individual prejudices and stereotypes.
These conclusions are drawn from decades-old policies like redlining and segregation, which you know a bit about, right, Jim?
Yeah, so, and I understand, like, there are definitely instances where redlining was a bad deal, where you just circled an area on the map and said, regardless, we're not giving people from this area a loan and we're not going to do it based on the color of skin, but I was thinking about this this morning and I thought, look, You might be 100% right, or you might be 50% right, or 25% right.
Maybe people that did submit a loan application trying to get a home loan couldn't get the loan because they couldn't afford it.
Hey, by the way, I moved 13 times before I graduated high school.
We didn't rent houses and move from apartment to apartment and go to 3 3rd grades.
Because people looked at my dad and said, oh, he's white, I'm not gonna give him a loan.
We couldn't make the payments on the loan, so they were like, this is money, we're not gonna give it to you because it's not a good investment for us.
There were probably tons of that going on, and I'm sure tons of racism going on back in the 1930s, what they're talking about with redlining, and even sometimes after that.
But you can't just look at one instance and that's how they're teaching it.
Well, this is because of redlining.
Not because people couldn't afford the homes.
Not because they didn't have enough income to show.
It was just racism across the board.
And I think that's painting it with too broad of a stroke.
You don't really get at the actual problem if you do that.
No, I think that's really well put.
Especially because I'm pretending to know more about this than I do.
Crawdaddy, what's shakin'?
I just had no idea that third grade was three hard years on Gerald.
I know.
And he moved 13 times.
No, no, I went to one third grade year, but three different schools.
That must have been tough on you.
My mom was surprised.
She was like, you passed!
Not moving on.
These kids really didn't like you to move 13 times everywhere you went.
You couldn't make a friend.
Five different elementary schools.
Two middle schools, one high school.
We used to call it flunking.
Do they still use the term flunk in high school?
We called it flunking.
Or we called him a little bit behind or special.
He was held back.
I was never held back.
I didn't fail.
Or failing.
But I fled the jurisdiction multiple times.
To avoid accountability.
You can't fail me if I don't go here, see?
Yeah, that's right.
Even with housing loans and all that, it drives me nuts because we also give out terrible housing loans.
We decided to make sure it was all equal.
The 2008 housing crisis is what happened.
It was predatory homelanding!
It's the exact opposite of what you just said!
And then we blamed the American.
We blamed the black American, the white American, any American home buyer by saying, oh, it was your fault for buying something that was way out of your price range.
When you were sold this by a company and then backed by a bank like it was your fault, then all this stuff collapsed and who do we bail out?
The banks.
Yes, that's true.
They're allowed to do whatever they want.
Predatory lending.
Don't you love it?
So look, there were some loans out there where people sold them a bill of goods, right?
Of course.
They should never have gotten a loan, but it was also because they were pushed to correct the wrongs.
This is what happens when you try to fix something by going, oh well today we'll just do the exact opposite of what we did back then and that'll fix everything.
That's not how you fix it.
That's how you create other problems.
They're just in a different direction.
Yeah, that's how it becomes now.
Bankruptcy.
Right.
It's just, you can't, yeah, doing the polar opposite of the way things have always done and make it so sudden, that's the problem with everything going on, I think, right now in the country, is you want this sudden, abrupt 180 with absolutely everything and then punish the people that are confused by it.
Yeah.
I think I'm going to butcher this quote, but I think it was Justice Alito who said, and maybe not, it may not have been Alito, so forgive me if it wasn't, said that it's kind of hard to fix racism with more racism, right, when trying to address these problems.
That was Chandler Bing.
Ah, yes.
Supreme Court friends.
I get them confused sometimes.
Current drunk pelican.
He looks rough.
Man, he looks bad.
That reunion should have been an intervention.
That's right, he's got billions of dollars and no brain.
No discernible talent whatsoever.
But anyway, let's put it this way.
Schools.
We really just discussed schools.
Just last week, Rhode Island school teacher Allison Greico, is that right?
Greico?
Greico.
Not Geico?
Almost.
I bet if it was Allison Geico, she don't need to be teaching with all that cash.
Got all that caveman money.
So just last week, Rhode Island school teacher Alison Greico offered extra credit for students who testified.
Testified, is that right?
Testified, brother!
Alright, students who testified against, I would assume tested, but it's testified against House Bill 6070, a bill that specifically bans teachers from Making individuals feel distressed on account of their race or sex.
So we don't want that?
Yeah.
I just, I'm just curious.
There it is.
Thank you, Bernie.
Why would you get credit for that?
I wish I went to school now, I would get all A's.
Well, no, look, getting credit for participating in public discourse is fine, right?
Like, hey, go out and, like, be active in the community.
It's better than sitting in the class sometimes and doing nothing.
Of course.
Or just going and doing, like, stupid busywork homework.
But she actively sent people to do this so that they would protest something that was keeping teachers from making people feel distressed on account of their race or sex.
That's weird.
You don't want them to fight something like that, right?
Or jump into a political argument for it.
Like, how about this?
You'll get extra credit if you go testify on whichever side you come down on of 60-70 and here's the bill.
That would be a little better idea.
How do you make somebody feel better about their sexuality?
Like, go out there and make them feel good.
Like, this alright?
Does this feel good?
I thought these questions weren't supposed to be asked.
You don't mind if I go down here, do you?
Is this making you distressed?
We don't want teachers.
Can you imagine being in school today?
Imagine Stephen in school today.
I would just have to rent space in the principal's office.
I'd have to live at the school.
He said, what did he say?
Which teacher did he challenge?
I couldn't go to school then.
I left every single class.
I skipped everything.
Now I would just be like, done!
No, today you'd be engaged.
You'd be really, you'd be the top student because you'd be pissed off at everything going on.
I would come in in a neckerchief looking like Paul Lind.
And just get A's.
This show has done so much for Paul Linn lately.
It really has.
You help where you can.
Dug him up.
I'd buy a wheelchair and blow in it, and they'd be like, straight A's.
No offense to anybody who's handicapped, I'm just saying.
There seems to be favoritism in some ways.
Look, it's like water finding its level.
You'll find the favoritism wherever it happens to be.
Yeah, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't beat it to death.
Huh.
I don't think that's how that goes.
Is that right?
I think that's deep.
Oh no, it's... Make it...
Okay.
So, um, the federal government, um, on the first day in office, Biden resumed the workplace diversity training Trump had banned from federal agencies.
Trump's- He didn't do anything.
He doesn't even know where he is.
It's astonishing.
This is what he did.
Don't- No.
He didn't do- His handlers.
He probably took- The only thing he did was take a shower while sitting in a chair.
What are we doing?
Showering, Joe, I told you.
I do dips in here.
No you don't.
You get out of the chair with that.
You're in water, it doesn't count.
The guy gets more random bruises than one of Don Magic Juan's bitches.
And we're just supposed to go, oh yeah, this is what he did today when he woke up.
Don Magic Juan's dog.
Just jumped out of bed with no pain and fixed everything.
So, Trump's Mao Banning training sought to eliminate words like white supremacy and systemic racism, as well as root out ideologies that label entire groups of people inherently evil or racist.
Also known as white people.
Yes.
So you mean racist things.
Just racist.
Racist things.
You don't have to define it.
It's just racist.
You don't have to put a word before it.
So, white.
What?
I had a whole speech planned, too, about three dents in a skull.
Anyway, Biden's executive order resuming this training mandated the federal government advance racial equality.
I wish I could read.
Equity.
Racial equity.
I really should just read off of this one.
Racial equity.
It's the close one.
Racial equity in government institutions.
The executive order stated the federal government's goal to advancing equity is to provide everyone with the opportunity to reach their full potential.
Because advancing equity requires a systematic approach to embedding fairness in decision-making processes, executive departments and agencies must recognize and work to redress Why is this so stupid?
It's nonsense!
It really is nonsense.
By the way, you read it, I don't even care.
Look at that, equity and opportunity, I'll come back to that.
It doesn't mean anything.
It does to a lawyer.
They repress inequities in their policies and programs that serve as barriers to equal
opportunity.
Look at that, equity and opportunity.
I'll come back to that.
It doesn't mean anything.
It does to a lawyer.
Yeah, that's the only person who it makes sense to.
Consistent with these aims.
I'm sorry to the babies.
It's alright.
They might be sleeping.
Consistent to this aim, each agency must assess whether and to what extent its programs and policies perpetuate systemic barriers to opportunities and benefits for people of color and other underserved groups.
Dave's moving it around like, ah, how's this Joe?
Can you see when I move it back and forth?
How you like looking like you can't read?
But it's really, it's double speak.
The guy that used to go on Carson and would speak and say nothing, the words worked, but in syntax they made no sense.
That's what every policy.
And that's why when I read it I get frustrated because you're saying the same words over and over and over again.
That's how you manipulate people.
That's how you just shove something into somebody's brain to get them to believe you is by repeating the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over.
But look what they said.
They said opportunity and they said equity.
Those are two very different things.
One is ensuring the outcome, right?
You're trying to ensure the outcome for people.
The other one is saying everybody needs the same opportunity at some level, right?
Where they have the opportunity to go out and make their life great.
It doesn't mean you won't have challenges.
I mean, 13 times I had challenges in third grade.
We've talked about it.
Yeah, you were real dunce.
They have challenges that they have to overcome.
The government is basically saying, no, no, no, it's about opportunity, but it's equity.
If you're trying to ensure equity, the only way that you can do that is to bring everybody
down to whatever baseline. They've moved their goalpost
like recently.
Yeah, exactly.
And so you're gonna see them say equity and then talk about opportunity.
But that's not the goal.
The goal is to ensure outcomes.
And the only way to do that is to say, oh, reparations.
Oh, we've got to get rid of school loans.
Oh, we've got to get rid of paying for health care because that's a human right.
Oh, we've got to get rid of this or that.
And oh, we have to tax the rich and bring them down so that everybody's equal.
That's not the society we live in.
We want everybody to have the opportunity to go up, not stay at a terrible level and everybody's just equally terrible.
That's the American dream.
None of this is the purview of government.
No!
The referee needs to keep his whistle in his pocket right now.
It's crazy.
They're involved in every call.
Well, and they screw stuff up more than they make it better.
Look, IRS, DMV, go look at those things.
Tell me they work well.
Oh, every government thing you're a part of is just stellar.
Yeah, you just show up.
Social Security, bankrupt!
You think they're doing a good job?
How about the mail, like you said, right?
We spend billions of dollars.
How about public education?
Are you satisfied with the $12,000 to $15,000 a year that we're spending on each student in a lot of states and have terrible results?
Uh, yes.
Dave's like, I fully support the program.
That's why I think we should have government health care, we should all make the same wage.
Government cheese?
Oh yeah, that stuff's good.
I like to light it up.
You ever make a good grilled government cheese?
Good grilled cheese.
Anyway, let's move on.
Sharing is caring.
In May, documents revealed... Unless it's AIDS.
If you share AIDS, it's not caring at all.
Well, it's legal in California.
Genital warts, yes.
Can't disclose.
Is AIDS legal in California to share?
Well, you don't have to say anything to anybody, even if you know that you have the word.
You don't have to tell somebody you have AIDS?
No.
Well, what am I doing blabbing?
Zip it!
I didn't even know.
All I had to do was go to California and spread my demon seed.
Ladies, line up for AIDS, Dave!
All right.
That's not a good ad.
I know, I'm getting the wrap-up thing.
Jingle was catchy.
Do we want to just cut this part?
No, we'll do this one and maybe we'll cut the last one.
No, I like the last one.
All right.
Would you rather cut this one?
All right.
In May, documents revealed by Chris Ruffo of Manhattan Institute showed Lockheed Martin sent executives to a three-day white male re-education camp in order to deconstruct their white male culture.
And atone for their white male privilege.
Wow.
Dude, what is going on?
Sounds benign enough to me.
What is going on?
I want to meet any guy from the...
Any guy.
I just talked to him.
I can't imagine what kind of guys would go to that.
Does anybody have any balls anymore?
Really?
Does anyone have the balls to be like, I'm sorry.
I don't know those people.
I do not recognize them.
Just sitting there in your Cub Scout uniform, waiting for the bus to go to White Reform Camp.
Can I get my badge?
Wearing your badges is a shame.
What do you get badges for?
You're like, oh this is my ally badge.
Uh, this is my, uh, doesn't-say-the-N-word-anymore badge.
Oh, there you go!
You get nothing!
My girlfriend has a boyfriend badge, right?
This is my rugs-are-oriental-not-people badge.
Oh my god.
Participants were told to associate the term white men with old racist guilty KKK and founding fathers.
Ah.
Oh that's good.
No.
Well I think the founding fathers and KKK.
That's a natural connection right?
It just makes common sense.
Valjeet!
Dammit, he's everywhere.
What's your favorite K in Klan, Gerald A?
When there's none of them.
Do you like the Klux?
I used to go to baseball games, it was really awkward when the pitcher had three strikeouts because it was just three Ks.
I know, I always thought that was hilarious.
Get to the fourth!
We should really do the four-strike system here.
We don't start until you get to the point.
It's just weird.
The program also made participants repeat hundreds of privileged statements, such as, my culture teaches me to minimize the perspectives and powers of people of other races.
Brainwash.
Right there.
I can commit acts of terrorism, violence, or crime and not have it attributed to my race.
Black people too?
I don't know.
Are there black terrorists?
We just did the NPR story where they did that exact thing.
They attributed race to the white guy and not to the black guy.
Weird.
Almost like it happens to everybody.
Or I am not accused of having made a choice to be heterosexual.
I don't think anyone's accusing you of that.
And in case you didn't know, Lockheed Martin is the biggest defense contractor in the world.
Oh my gosh.
That's good.
This is terrible.
Listen, we need you to associate old white men because those will be the ones we aren't hitting with bombs.
Right.
By the way, if you can go find the series of tweets that revealed all this information, go out there.
It's on Twitter.
I think the links will be on the website.
Read through all the other things.
It's like saying hard work and, you know, personal responsibility and other things are, like, they oppress black people.
It literally said that.
It's like, oh my gosh.
Dude, I can't even anymore.
That is the most racist thing that I've heard.
I've ever heard.
It would say, saying hard work to a black man would be oppressive.
What do you think of black people?
They're hard-working, too!
What the hell's the matter with you?
The soft bigotry, it's so true.
Unbelievable!
I don't even know if it's- it is soft bigotry, but it's now become hard.
Without them even noticing that they're doing it.
There's a lot of straight phobia there, too, did you notice?
Oh, yeah.
I like their straight phobic ways.
I do not enjoy people accusing me of being heterosexual.
I mean, I am.
Usually.
Twice in college, I wasn't.
I think we're going to skip the Greta Thunberg thing.
Oh, let's just go right through it, okay.
Well, that's fine.
I didn't mean to rant and ramble.
I just like having a chit-chat with you.
Here, let me sum it up.
Greta Thunberg's racist.
Not her, not her.
This organization has claimed that they are racist in New Zealand and has decided to disband.
That's all you need to know.
Okay, well, let's get rid of it then.
How dare you!
I dare.
Oh, why are we still listening to her?
Well, she turned 18 and her biggest fans were like, yuck.
Jared unfollowed her very quickly from prison.
Yeah, I don't need to hear any more about it.
What was it, Acid Rain?
That's still a big thing?
Or was that the 80s?
I think that was the 80s.
Remember Toto, Bless the Rains down in Africa?
I do.
I bless the rains!
It's a great song.
Yeah, it is.
It's what I use at the gym.
I don't work out.
You don't go to the gym.
I just watch people work out and listen to that song.
That's not awkward at all.
This is what I listen to when I peek through the windows of a gym.
Could be me.
Get arrested every once in a while for it, but hey.
You guys know Megan Rapinoe, right?
Yeah, the soccer star.
She put out a tweet, and we covered her last week with her role as replacing the Victoria's Secret Angels.
And after the show, however, she was cancelled for a tweet involving the U.S.
soccer player Natasha Kai, I believe.
From May 2011, they found this tweet.
And what this read was, Yeah.
I can't.
No.
I can't do that.
This is, you know, I believe in, I believe in cancel culture, but I don't believe in cancel culture, I should say, but some things, some things are just hate speech, you know?
Some things are just... They cross the line.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go ahead and bring in, is Troy Jr.
here?
Could Troy Jr.
come in and maybe field this one?
Because I don't want to be a part of the actual...
Hey Austin, how are you?
Read this.
Okay, what's this?
It's a tweet from Megan Rapinoe.
Okay, the new Victoria's Secret model.
Okay, let me read this.
Megan Rapinoe.
At Tasha underscore Kai zero zero, you look Asian with those closed eyes.
I don't understand how she could... How she could say this.
Austin.
Sorry, buddy.
I hope you saw that, Megan.
Yeah.
We'll wait an apology.
It's terrible.
You broke an Asian boy's spirit.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
And we tried to and couldn't.
I can't believe you got out of here that quickly with those binded feet.
They look adorable.
I know.
They really are nice.
Little tiny feet.
So let us know what you think of Megan Rapinoe's tweet.
Comment, comment, comment below.
And go ahead and say, you know, if you want to tell Austin how you feel.
He is really seriously hurt right now.
He needs help.
He's broken.
He's broken.
So do we have to jump up?
I think we've got a couple minutes.
We can do this real quick.
Or should we do the bottom one?
There we go.
That's better.
Good job.
Let's do this one.
Yes!
I like this one.
All right.
We have so much fun, we just end up not having enough time to cover all the stories.
We just start chit-chatting, right Crawdaddy?
That's right.
We do the old chit-chat.
Gossip to old grannies.
Chit-chat.
I'm actually wearing a Joe shirt, by the way.
Joe Louis.
Nice.
And I got the rink right in the middle there.
It's not there anymore.
Ah.
But if it were, I bet you they'd have monster truck rallies.
Have they torn down Joe Louis right now?
I don't know.
I said that without really knowing.
I just guessed.
I'm not playing it anymore.
They were certainly talking about how they were going to do it, but usually they save it for terrible events and then it closes, which is yeah, monster truck rallies are And Supercross!
Supercross!
Bring your mullet!
Bring your kid!
Bring your black-eyed wife!
Sunday!
Sunday!
Bring a baby bottle filled with Mountain Dew!
Sunday!
Start them early!
Jolt Cola for babies!
Trash!
Is Detroit Dragway still there?
I don't want to go down a rabbit trail.
I don't know if Detroit Dragway is still there.
That was a big thing.
That was it in the country for a while.
Yeah, that was there.
I don't know if it's still there.
They do still have the Grand Prix.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, and then they have the, you know, various boat shows sometimes.
Yeah.
Boat races.
Boat races they do.
My friend George's dad drove us to a boat race.
Fill it up with water?
Race away from Detroit?
Yes, it's right on the Detroit River.
And they do these boat races.
My friend's dad honestly brought us there and it was the first time I've ever had someone's father drink and drive me somewhere.
And the whole time he just had a Coke koozie around his Bud Light and he's just slamming them.
And when we pulled up, a cop saw it and was like, better keep that hidden.
There's a bit of privilege.
for you. It's Detroit. There's a bit of privilege. Put that under the seat. Yeah.
Well speaking of athletes and being athletic, Adidas and Fabletics have
decided to put out, I guess for lack of a better term, they call it this Fat
Promos.
Adidas and Fabletics are using morbidly obese models to show off their new workout gear.
Adidas will now actually feature advertisements with the band Can't Run DMC.
I can't wait, I gotta get me some of that, man.
They all get stung by bees?
What happened?
No, bro.
It's carbs.
It's carbs.
It's the white man's carbs.
That's what it is.
Too many empty calories.
Bunch of starch.
You know what it is?
It's racism is filled with empty calories.
So they're just ballooning.
Damn it, that's what it is.
Now we're not saying fat people shouldn't work out.
Of course not.
Actually, we encourage it.
It's just not a good message to send to young girls that being morbidly obese is healthy and normal.
But a bunch of other athletics companies have also followed suit, so I think we should mention that.
Of course.
Nike's new slogan is Just Donut.
Uh, no.
That's a bad idea.
Puma is rebranding itself as Fupa.
Okay.
Do the math on that one.
That is fat upper p area.
Ah!
Oh!
Didn't have to do the math.
I did it for us.
Thanks Dave!
Or as I call it, for some reason, every substitute teacher I've ever had that was a female always had their jeans right up to here and you're like, how big, how big is that gina?
To where you have to urkle your pants.
Every one of them just look like Fatty Arbuckle in a silent.
New Balance will now be called No Balance.
And it's changing its slogan from Let's Make Excellent Happen to Let's Make Excellent Waffles.
I'm on board for that one.
I like that one.
And Gerald A, do you want to field this one?
Sure!
Under Armour used the slogan, the only way is through, it will now be the only way to the hospital is through a removed wall and a craned out onto a flatbed while neighbors watch.
Oh my gosh, yeah, this is my 600 pound life.
It's wordy.
It's happening everywhere.
It is wordy, but that's what happens when you You have to cut a hole in the wall and crane people out.
It's true.
Richard Simmons will be their spokesman.
Yes, he will.
He's pulled a few people out of picture windows, hasn't he?
He has.
He's done it.
But I understand he's chained in a basement with deal and meal cards now.
Jerry Springer.
Yeah, some guy kidnapped him.
No, it's his housekeeper.
It's gotta be weird to look for a housekeeper.
You're like, what are you looking for besides a clean house?
I don't know.
Could you abuse me?
Yeah, do me a favor and like don't abduct me.
That's all I really want.
Yeah, maybe just take all my money.
Take all my money, yeah.
You know how you sweat to the oldies?
I want to sweat wondering if I'm going to make it through the day.
Will I eat?
It's a different kind of word.
Move, groove, and lose.
Awesome.
So, we gotta jump off this platform if we're still on it.
So far, so good.
We didn't say anything the least bit offensive.
Not at all.
And I'm friends with DMC from Run DMC.
I'll admit that on this show.
Why not?
Because I liked a name drop.
My Adidas.
Look, it's just too cool of a ban not to say you know the guy.
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
They basically invented Modern Day Rap and then Rap Rock with Walk This Way with Aerosmith.
Love it.
Yay, yay.
That's actually Ice Cube.
I don't like when Ice Cube goes on a talk show and he's like, yay, yay.
It's like, just sit down.
Sit down and do the interview.
Daddy Day Camp.
So anyway, we're going to go ahead and jump off of here.
Remember, you can see me live, DaveLandau.com.
We've got Minnesota, all kinds of places.
Also, comment, comment, comment.
Go to the store.
We also have awesome new shirts.
They're really, really great.
I just grabbed a few myself.
Shark Jail, we got Fight Like Hell.
Do you still have Fight Like Hell?
We do.
That one's one of my faves.
Thomas Finnegan.
Oh, Finnegan.
I love the Thomas Finnegan.
Be sure to buy that one, because Thomas doesn't like it.
He doesn't like it at all.
It really pisses him off.
Yes.
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