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Dec. 8, 2020 - Louder with Crowder
01:11:44
NOT ON MY WATCH! Save Christmas from the Woke Communists! | Good Morning #MugClub
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🎵Music🎵 🎵Music🎵
Mmmmmm.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh!
What a delicious beverage!
Yeah!
I'm not going to be doing Santa the whole day, but as you can see, I've got everything going on, the dye, the beard.
We're going to get to this pretty quickly.
I will be interviewing the kid from the mall yesterday, you know, that commie Santa tried to ruin Christmas by telling him that he wouldn't give him a Nerf gun.
So today on the show we have the mom, what's her name, Sabella?
I don't remember.
The son's name is Michael, and he's going to get a cornucopia of firearm-related toys, activities, and just general trinkets, tchotchkes, because Santa, folks, in case you don't... Santa, unless you thought that I'd forgotten because of my outfit, Santa's strapped, too.
It's a little tight for him.
There it is!
There we see it.
Shadows packin' heat!
You gained 85 pounds for this role.
Just so you know, this is a little bit tough.
It's tough for me to move in with my gut here.
What are you, a Detroit Santa?
But we'll be talking about that.
We'll be talking about the Pope, who I believe is a communist, and he can go to hell.
Apparently, from what I'm seeing, he might.
Now listen, great Catholics out there.
I understand a lot of Catholics are upset with this Pope, but it's just this Pope.
If only he spent as much time preaching the message of salvation as he does the Karl Marx Manifesto.
Yeah.
So we'll be talking about that.
We'll be talking about Ilhan Omar, who sleeps with her brother.
Allegedly.
A lot to get to.
You know what, though?
It broke my heart for people who have not seen that video yet.
And everyone watching, by the way, right now, the fastest thing you can do to help this video is comment.
Do it.
Just comment.
Just leave a comment.
What do you think?
Did you want toy guns as a kid?
Did your parents let you have Nerf guns?
Did they let you have Super Soakers?
And we'll be doing an Ask Me Anything next week with an ultra long stream, so anything you want to ask, We'll have like nine hours on the road.
I'll explain that in a little bit.
Oh lord.
So for those who have not seen this, you say, why aren't you talking about this?
Why aren't you talking about this?
Well, listen, I think we've done a pretty good job of covering the election fraud.
Yeah.
We haven't backed down.
No.
It's a bunch of it.
And this is something that also matters, because Christmas is important.
Christmas is a really valuable time to teach kids about morality, and more importantly, that guns are not immoral objects, that firearms can be used to actually protect people.
I guess I should say first and third chair, Audio Wade is here.
My quarter black elf is here.
He's accepted none of the North Pole nor the South.
But I'm jolly!
And Gerald A., how are you?
I'm well.
Yeah, you don't have great peripheral vision.
Yeah, I don't know what to do with this.
And we also have Joe Louis right there who's curled up somewhere.
Oh, by the fire with care.
Don't put your hands near his mouth unless you want to lose them.
His chestnuts are roasting.
Let's start with this.
This is for people who missed it.
This happened yesterday.
And you know what?
It's my show, so every now and then I'm going to take the floor to talk about something that bothers me.
I love Christmas.
I get Christmas lights up before Thanksgiving.
I catch flack for it.
I don't care.
You know what?
You have a problem with joy?
Fine.
It's not even my truth.
It's my joy.
And I think Santa has done me good, will do me good, and I say God bless him.
And when a lower-level, fight-for-15, mall-store communist tries to ruin Christmas for a little boy, well, you know what?
We raise money for David Dorn, we raise money for Hurricane Harvey, and by God, I want to make this little boy's Christmas.
So let's start off for people who missed it, and we'll come back to this.
Commie Santa, I warn you, it might break your heart.
What do you want for Christmas?
What's a Nerf gun?
I don't know.
What?
What's a Nerf gun?
No, I... Nope, no guns.
Nerf gun.
Nope, not even a Nerf gun.
Wha...
Nope, you, you.
If your dad wants to get it for you, that's fine, but I can't bring it to you.
But what else would you like?
Lots of other toys.
There's Legos.
There's bicycles.
There's cars and trucks.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Scolding the kid.
What do you think?
Oh my gosh.
What a prick.
Yeah, what a prick.
You know what, Santa?
Santa, you deserve to be pulled aside by Daddy and get a nice little merry ass-whooping.
This is just... And you know what's so wrong?
The kid, who, by the way, is four years old.
Four years old.
He looks tall for a four-year-old.
I thought he was like six or seven.
A four-year-old kid, he held it together.
He held it together until the Santa wanted to scold him with his agenda.
No, no, what else?
I said, what else?
Really?
How about you come over here and sit on my knee, and let me bend you over it, and it's going to be a little bit more than a spanking.
You're going to find more than a lump of coal in your stocking, Santa.
You know what?
You're never going to stop young boys from wanting firearms.
And by the way, let me show you some pictures.
There's a long and storied history of Santa Claus with guns.
Here you go.
Look!
There's Santa's gone to war.
World War II.
I can't see if that's an M1 rifle.
I'm not exactly sure.
Show some more pictures.
Look at there.
There you got Santa with a gun.
Let's show another picture.
There you go.
But there we have a positive collage of Santa with a gun.
Because for the longest time in this country, we understood That guns weren't an inanimate object.
It's a rich and storied part of our history.
I was raised in Canada where nobody I ever knew had a handgun except for one guy who had a war relic in the magical closet of mystery, which was very dangerous because a kid showed it to me when his dad wasn't around and we had no respect for it whatsoever.
That gun was so old, hadn't been oiled, that bullet would probably hit you sideways first, but the point remains.
Kids used to ask for BB guns.
You know what?
You're never going to stop boys from wanting guns or knives.
Do you know why?
Women, you may not understand.
It's not just feminists.
It's the feminization of young boys.
Because young boys, you know, they're powerless.
There's a four-year-old boy who's powerless.
He's weak.
Everyone's bigger.
Everyone's stronger.
Everything's scary.
The world's a big place.
Everything is up and you're down.
And you know what?
That's why they take an interest in things like Swiss Army knives, and guns, and power tools, and wood-burning sets, which that is an absolute fire hazard.
But it's crafty.
The reason for it is because they want to have some semblance of power, and it's a wonderful teaching opportunity to teach your young men how to bridle that power, how to use that power to protect the vulnerable, how to use power and wield it for good, kind of like we did, using firearms to free the slaves.
But instead, because moms go, No, no, no, no.
I don't like guns.
You don't give that boy any experience with anything powerful.
He never learns how to respect it or handle it.
And what happens?
You raise a bully.
Because the second they get a little bit of power, they wield it over anyone weaker than them.
How many bullies do you think had parents who took them through proper firearm safety training with their Red Rider?
Yeah, the left wing looks at those old images of Santa holding the gun and says, remember back in the day before we learned that guns hurt?
Right.
It's like, people weren't stupid.
They knew that there were certain uses for them that were good and certain uses that weren't, but you could still, like, yeah.
It's almost like that's the reason the Peacemaker was invented by good old Samuel Colt!
It's the great Equalizer you stupid commie bastard and by the way a small
Santa doing your job there when mom steps in and says no no No, no, it's it's just a nerf gun. You ought to take a cue
you ought to take a cue and go Oh a nerf gun Oh fantastic little Johnny, whatever right
you just move on You know what if you're if you're a coward and you're
terrified of nerf guns, just say nothing Yeah, right now we're the most or Santa's they were they
were they were coached to say oh, well, you know We'll see what happens a good little boy because you don't
know the parents budget Yeah, when I was a kid
I went to Santa Claus I went to Santa Claus and I already had a mask and snorkel
set and I said I was three years old, right?
I think we might even have this on Instagram, by the way, where I think you guys can follow me.
I don't know what we have here, what we're talking about today.
Well, you can follow me on Parler.
We put up videos on there too.
Where I went to Santa.
And I said, uh, I want, uh, a scuba diving set.
He's like, oh, oh, a mask!
Don't finish that phrase, Santa.
I don't want a mask and snorkel.
I already have them and water always gets in because it's not really a silicon seal.
They're not really fitting it to my chrome structure, to my cranium structure at KB.
What I want is the ability to breathe underwater, Santa.
I want a tank.
I want a pressurized tank.
I asked for it and there is a video of me opening up A mask and snorkel sat in me going, where's my tank?
That's why Santa doesn't promise it!
Well, I'll tell you what they don't coach you to do is say, no.
Especially if the mom says no.
It just blows me away.
He didn't ask for a porno mag.
He didn't ask for a stick of dynamite and a match.
He said a Nerf gun and his mom steps in to help.
And I'm like, what are you doing, Santa?
If you have some moral problem with it, you just say like, oh wow, what else?
It's very easy.
You want a Nerf gun?
Oh, how about a nice little non-disclosure AIDS law regulator?
Does that fit the bill?
Bill, you can lobby your local representative at the Folsom Street Fair!
How about hormone blockers from Santa this year?
Nerf gun, how about some nice estrogen pills?
Don't want you to get hurt!
Wouldn't want this removed from YouTube!
So we're going to have that mom on later to tell the story.
By the way, that kid also wants to be like dad because his dad is a cop.
Aww.
That's awesome.
Love it.
Which also is a great twist.
Yeah!
You need a warrant!
No, I don't, Sam.
No, not at all.
There's not a court in the world that's going to blame me for roughing you up.
Sam's going to find some parking tickets on his car.
So we're gonna have the mom on and the boy on and hopefully I've got some information here for people.
We have some information on the little boy and give him a little bit of magic of Christmas.
This is the beauty of Mug Club because we're able to give back.
Do consider joining up at lightearthcrowder.com.
Slash Mug Club.
Crowder election stream is still the promo code.
It's never gonna get old because the election has not been called.
And of course you can follow me on Parler because Facebook isn't being very nice with us.
Okay.
Jerks.
What else?
We have a lot to get to before we have the mom and the boy on for the interview.
Ted Cruz.
Senator Ted Cruz.
This is something people haven't been talking about.
He's going to present the oral arguments if the Supreme Court takes up the lawsuit seeking to, obviously we know, overturn the 2020 presidential election.
Here's a clip.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz telling Fox News exclusively, quote, Petitioner's legal team has asked me whether I would be willing to argue the case before the Supreme Court if the court grants certiorari.
I have agreed and told them that if the court takes the appeal, I will stand ready to present the oral argument.
He's not a guy you want one on your tail.
No.
He's presented in front of the Supreme Court many, many times.
So he'd be the perfect candidate.
Also keep in mind that we are not past the 37 days, I guess it's not even a deadline, but 37 days that it took for the Al Gore Florida debacle to reach the Supreme Court.
Yeah, and it's like, if everybody who's talking about voter fraud is a conspiracy theorist, is Ted Cruz a conspiracy theorist for wanting to talk to the Supreme Court?
He seems to have a pretty high standard for what evidence is and what truth is.
Nope.
Oh, sorry.
He's a crackpot.
Pretty much.
I think Ted Cruz, he's been looking at too many Home Alone 2 covers.
He's a white supremacist.
Not many white supremacists with the last name Cruz.
By the way, if you're mad about Ted Cruz's photo from going hunting, shoot yourself.
With what?
The Nerf gun you didn't get?
You know what?
Listen, I'm not going to go through it.
Borrow it.
Anyone who gets mad at someone hunting is... I thought we were beyond this.
I've never hunted, but if you want to know the people who do more for conservationism than anyone else, it's hunters.
Okay?
It's hunters.
They go after that animal.
At least you know that it died.
It died a humane death.
You have any idea what halal is?
What? Oh.
Yeah, research on what's in it with halal.
I don't know.
If I could sit a deer down right now, one of the reindeer, and say, listen, would you rather be taken out by a
would you rather be taken out by a 30-0-6 and be
gone before you know it, which I think all of us would want. That would be either go in your sleep
or just be hunted without knowing it.
Or would you like some imam to slice your throat?
And I don't have a problem with people doing their halal thing.
Listen, there's cultural differences.
It's like kosher.
My primary problem is the bombs.
No, let's not bring up the bombs.
My face is very sticky right now.
I didn't want to do the fake stuff.
I wanted to bring the kid the magic of Christmas.
Okay.
Something else, by the way.
This has been going on in Michigan, and I just watched this segment this morning on CNN, and it is everything wrong with the media and how they are covering people who understand their constitutional liberties right now.
I think we have the first clip, right?
The first clip, there were people in Michigan who were petitioning the Secretary of State to stop the steal.
This is the riot that ensued.
We're still investigating the fraud.
We won't allow them to steal this!
We want to know freedom!
Your unity will not be allowed in our country!
You're a tyrant, you're a felon, and you must turn yourself in to the authorities immediately!
I think she was looking up how to build a pipe bomb.
She's like, how do you riot, Siri?
I'm sorry, I don't recognize the white voice software.
Do you mean peaceful protest?
Are you Antifa?
No, I can't help you.
So this brought up the Michigan Attorney General who was talking about this on CNN, and talk about gaslighting, where they just say no evidence.
There was a segment called Reality Check.
And they said there's no evidence.
They claim that this video in Georgia shows people continuing counting, though it's been debunked.
I'm like, where's the reality?
I thought you were going to check my reality!
So, then the Michigan Attorney General, her name is Dana Nessel.
Dana Nessel.
Not a fan.
This is the segment that went on, and I'll just offer some commentary as this happened.
This was at, I think, 6.55 this morning.
You've said, when you saw this, that this is not activism, this is terrorizing.
And so, legally speaking, what can be done?
How do we stop the First Amendment?
Well, look, people have a right to Good.
you know, make their grievances known under the First Amendment.
Good.
But there is a time and a place and a manner.
And had they wanted to demonstrate or protest outside of her offices
and pulled the proper permits to do so, that would have been absolutely fine.
But instead, they chose to disrupt the peace and tranquility of a neighborhood under the cover of darkness.
And.
Cover of darkness comes in handy when burning down the Walgreens.
You cannot trespass, you cannot threaten people, you cannot disrupt, you know, noise ordinances or engage in disorderly conduct and call it protected First Amendment activity.
We're going to be on the lookout for this kind of behavior.
Are you?
Police, when they arrive on the scene, start issuing tickets and potentially arresting people in the event that they are committing crimes.
And as State Attorney General, I intend to vigorously prosecute.
Now, first off, as far as intending to vigorously prosecute, she said the First Amendment doesn't protect crimes.
She has not, from what I've seen, there's no record of her prosecuting any of the Black Lives Matter protesters or Antifa protesters, who, by the way, across the country have committed billions of dollars in damages.
Dozens of fatalities, thousands of injuries, nothing at all.
But when people have some signs and some bullhorns, apparently now you need a permit.
Oh!
There's someone there from Antifa and Black Lives Matter going, a permit!
I am so sorry that I burned down a 5 Below.
My bad.
My bad.
Now I know.
Now I know.
Now listen.
You guys did nothing.
You guys did nothing for months.
As American cities burned, you couldn't care less.
And now you're mad that they're doing it in a residential area?
What about the McClassicals?
Not only are they going to the residential area, They went through a fence, they were on private property, and you charge the people in their own house just for showing their firearm collection!
Yeah.
As soon as it's some people with Trump flags, though, Lady Voldemort has a problem with it.
Yes!
Yes, I expected in that interview her to just answer.
Don't speak her name.
Don't speak her name.
And by the way, just to give you an idea while she's talking about this now, she's playing tough.
When Trump offered to send in the National Guard to help with the protests, this lady, female Voldemort, responded.
She said, President Trump's politically motivated threat to send more federal law enforcement to Detroit, among other cities, has nothing to do with protecting public health or safety.
It is about using the power of his office as a cudgel to punish those who use their constitutionally guaranteed rights to express views he disagrees with, in contrast with arresting people for signs.
Ah.
Signs.
Friggin' cudgels.
By the way, don't you know in Rules for Radical, page one, step one, pull the permit.
Yeah.
To be able to protest.
Right?
That was exactly what people were told to do, right?
So Olenski's known for his permit pulling.
Yeah.
Permits to protest?
Right.
It's what a bizarre... What if I were to be in purple?
These people say, get a permit.
Well, who issues the permits?
I do.
What's the likelihood of them?
Very, very slim.
Oh, you want to protest me, the person who actually issues the permits.
They're not going to do it!
What does that even mean?
That's insanity.
In Grand Rapids alone, it was over $500,000 in overtime.
Just the overtime for the police force.
And by the way, those are the same people that are probably complaining right now that there's not a relief package for all the businesses that are closed.
I don't know.
There was $500,000 that we could have spent on it, but we had to do it for the police.
Ironic for people who want to defund the police.
Here!
Time and a half!
You're doing great for them.
They're making lots of money.
Everything that the left espouses right now is wrong.
Oh, everything I touch turns to ruins.
You are such a blockhead, current Democratic Party.
Yeah.
Santa Claus communist.
Pope communist.
We're about to get into vaccines.
They want to infringe on your First Amendment rights.
Talk about gas.
Every American's going, wait, hold on a second.
I looked out my window and it was like Skynet had fallen and now Because someone has a sign and a bullhorn?
I get it, it would be nicer if they did it at the office as opposed to a residential area, but you know what?
They probably don't issue permits.
They won't.
They will kick you off!
Let me ask you this.
Before we go on, we have some news with the vaccine.
What's your opinion on the COVID vaccine?
Again, the best thing you can do to help with this episode is just comment.
Leave yourself a comment.
Any comment will do.
Do you think that the vaccine is going to end the pandemic?
Do you plan on taking it?
Why or why not?
Or are you like the anti-vaxxers, the vax deniers, Cuomo, Harris, and company?
Yes, yes.
So, oh no wait, before that, before that, I think we need to cover this while we're talking about the vaccine and COVID.
This is one of my, this is not my joke, but one of my favorite jokes from, I don't remember who told it.
Could have been Nick DiPaolo, could have been, I have no idea.
Safe bet to just say if it's funny, Nick DiPaolo.
How do you know if someone is a nurse or a teacher?
They tell you.
And this lady right here, the one in charge of your children's education, is reacting to anti-lockdown.
By the way, I guess people in line with the World Health Organization, anti-lockdown protesters.
So here's a lady who screams at them, see if you can spot her chosen profession.
Kill yourself!
Heal yourself.
I am a f***ing teacher.
I am a teacher.
Okay.
I am a teacher.
I am a teacher.
Jesus.
I am a teacher.
I am a teacher.
Now look.
I am a teacher.
She looks around to make sure everyone hears her.
I am a teacher.
I am a f***ing teacher.
Wow USS!
USA!!
AAAH!
Oh Driving off to engage, no doubt, in the real heroics.
That clip was brought to you by the Homeschool Association of America.
A massive ad.
Local private schools.
Do you want to send your kids to this?
YOU'RE CALLING OUR SCHOOL'S INDOCTRINATION PAMPHLET!
I TEACH KIDS!
Really?
Between bouts of screaming?
Do you accuse chestnuts of being lazy?
Do you scream at the cat because it didn't vote?
You crazy bitch!
I hope her students are as persuasive as she is.
How does that jive with your school's zero-tolerance policy?
She teaches logic, actually, in debate.
I love how she's so mad that she loses all control of how to operate a vehicle and her wipers are just going and she can't turn them off.
Come on, don't get sexist.
Well, at least she was wearing a mask on her chin.
Yes.
I'm so thankful for that.
Her chin will not spread any more disease.
That's true.
So considerably.
Not by the insanity of my CHINNY CHIN CHIN!
Tell yourself!
I'm like, oh, wow.
What does she think she's proving by saying, I'm a teacher?
Well, she looked around to make sure that everybody knew it.
Okay, so it's just, F you, I'm a teacher.
No, no, no, it was killing yourself, then F you.
Let me spit out of my car.
Let me take an unpopular viewpoint here.
Sure, sure.
Everyone is saying that teachers are heroes.
No.
Wow.
That's a hot take.
End of statement.
Sorry.
Full stop.
Generally heroes don't have time to full-time upload TikTok videos with teachers and nurses.
Imagine that in D-Day.
What is Santa's opinion on teachers?
Does Santa love teachers?
Well, I think some of them help our young and some of them are horrible bitches.
Male and female.
Well, if a male goes into the teaching profession outside of university, I don't need to spell that one out for you there.
A lot of chimney crawling.
Sweeping.
Professions that don't exist anymore.
That's true.
Very true.
Listen, if you want to be a teacher, a full-time teacher, might I suggest blacksmithing or serving your country?
Here's the thing I want to be clear about.
She says my family, my students' families are dying.
Fact check, false.
Or CNN would say, reality check.
It's perfectly reasonable.
Now wherever you line up on vaccines, and I'm not an anti-vaxxer at all.
Polio, mumps, measles, shingles, whatever.
I don't know which ones I've taken the vaccines.
But it is perfectly reasonable at this point in time for a young person, as we talk about vaccines, to reject a vaccine.
Why?
Because people don't understand this with this vaccine.
It's a two-course vaccine, okay?
I didn't know.
And they have to specifically coach doctors right now On the two-course vaccine, to get people to stay with the second course because the first course is so wildly unpleasant, they've described it like a hangover from hell.
Splitting headache, chills, feeling fever, fevery body ache, that people won't come back for the second course.
So right now they have to spend time, right, in orientation with doctors saying, people are going, it's way worse than most vaccines and it's particularly bad for young people.
People who often are not affected by the disease nearly as seriously.
So to not get sick you have to get extremely sick?
Right.
And you might not even get sick in the first place?
Right, exactly.
Especially, by the way, that research found that clinical symptoms they manifest in only 21% of infections from 10 to 19.
That means that 79% of middle schoolers, they have no symptoms of COVID, and then most of the remaining are very mild symptoms.
So when you compare that with feeling like Cameron and Ferris Bueller for a Three and a half days, it's reasonable for some people to say, you know what, okay, I'll leave the vaccine for the vulnerable, and maybe I don't have a week to take off work.
I know you think that people can take off work indefinitely, and there's a never-ending pile of money from Scrooge McDuck's mansion, but that's not how it works!
That's just for teachers.
Yeah, it is clear the left doesn't want anybody to be able to make a decision for themselves, and be able to weigh the risks of certain behavior.
They have to take away the consequences of your actions, even if their evaluation of the situation is totally backwards.
Well, yeah.
Sorry, I should have prefaced this.
In the UK, the first vaccine was administered.
Oh, really?
Oh, good!
Listen, good!
They want to get the vaccine?
Great!
And I think that many people should use the vaccine.
But to act as though someone in this scenario might feel uncomfortable, particularly a young person, understanding the side effects, might opt to not take the vaccine, that they're a crazy anti-vaxxer, that's just unreasonable and not fair.
And what if they use the same reasons that the left has used before, where they're like, well, I don't really trust Donald Trump's administration to be able to coordinate this, and I don't think that it should have been rushed by Trump or by all of this sort of process.
What if that's their reason?
Now they're complaining that Donald Trump didn't order more Pfizer vaccines, which, by the way, was because of competition and other companies bringing more vaccines to market that didn't want to just order all of them from Pfizer.
That's fake news, I won't even spend any time on it, but you guys said you didn't want any vaccines if it came from the Trump administration, so you can go fornicate yourself with a wire brush.
Before we continue, we have so much to get to today, why the Pope is a communist, and I'm really looking forward to interviewing this young man.
You can tweet out SantaPaxHeat.
Tweet that out.
Hashtag SantaPaxHeat because people are going to be mad.
We have actually to check in with our Los Angeles traffic report.
It's a contractual obligation.
Los Angeles traffic this morning with Thomas Finnegan on the ground.
Mr. Finnegan, what do you got for us, sir?
Morning, Steven.
I'm here on the 405 and uh um I guess oh oh no oh gee it's spinning again
Thomas can you hear us?
Tom, Tom.
Oh, did the call?
We'll check back in with him later.
Yeah.
Santa has an itchy ear canal because of all the dye.
Yeah, you know, if traffic wasn't bad before, it is now.
Yeah, well actually I think the 405 is completely empty right now because no one's going to jobs.
That's not anymore.
That was really more a byproduct of the big gulp.
You gotta ban it.
Looks like Tony Bannigan found the other car, yeah.
Yeah, the one other car on the road.
Alright, let's move on.
So Pete, this isn't really a huge story, but it is just one of those that should piss off all the right people.
And sometimes people say, why do you only talk about things that piss you off?
I don't only talk about things that piss me off.
We're about to give a multi-thousand dollar gift of Nerf guns to a kid, so I think we do good where we can.
But sometimes I'm a negative Nancy.
There's a lot that pisses us off.
Steven, you're such a negative Nancy.
That's not an invalid criticism.
I accept it.
So Pete Davidson was on SNL mocking, and keep in mind too, as they mock down in the United States, this is a perfect example of where things that shouldn't be political, now I'm not a centrist and I've been very clear when people say, it's not propaganda because I let you know that I am to the right of center, in many ways to the right of Attila the Hun.
Okay, just to be very clear.
But, all of our sources from this show, they're available, if you click the link in the description, loudearthcracker.com.
I try to make it available for you so you can make your own decisions.
I understand that people are in echo chambers.
Okay.
That being said, It's not political.
Being anti-lockdown, the World Health Organization said that lockdowns don't work.
That should be a last resort.
Good example of this, when I was in Canada, I was in Quebec where we had liberals and liberal separatists.
The conservative wing of the Canadian political spectrum, a parliamentary system, which is broken.
When people say, two-party system, man, I go, you can have a prime minister elected with a minority of the vote, so trust me.
It's not a flawless system, but it's better than what they have in old Europe and in Canada, with the Queen still on our money.
They didn't have the housing crash in Canada.
So even though they're all liberal and they have like a 50-something percent tax rate and you have socialized healthcare and you have a 15% sales tax, when this was brought to the attention of Canadians, they said, yeah, we're going to give people loans and mortgages with crazy low interest and people who can't afford to pay it back.
These are all the liberals in Canada.
I said, that's retarded.
Why?
It's not political.
They said no.
Just like the World Health Organization said no, you can't just do lockdowns because it's not political.
But in the United States, it has been turned into if you oppose lockdowns that end livelihoods forevermore, you must be a rube and an anti-vaxxer like a Chris Cuomo.
Here is Pete Davidson, the only name I recognize at SNL, mocking his fellow countrymen.
I take it that you found these protests frustrating.
Yeah, man, they're making us look like babies, you know?
You know it's bad when even people in Boston are like, ah, drink at home, you queers!
That's funny.
And do you think that people should stay at home until the pandemic gets better?
Yeah, everyone wants to go have fun, but there's plenty of stuff you could do at home.
Like use your official Pete Davidson vibrator!
Sexual joke.
They get a little bit blue.
By the way, just so you know, Pete Davidson still has a job, and he's being paid $15,000 an episode, which sounds like a lot, but I actually know that's very... SNL is hurting, because I know quite a few SNL cast members from back in the day of the Dennis Miller era, the Norm era, the Spade era, and they were starting at salaries higher than that, and Pete Davidson's been there for what, five, six years?
Yeah, he is one of the only recognizable names from the cast.
They can't procure the talent.
No.
Well, and I'm surprised they allowed him to say the Q word.
That's weird.
Which word?
We can't say it.
No, no, no.
It's in the LGBTQ.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but you can't, like, call people that.
Oh, no, you can't.
You can drink at home.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
He's half black.
Just like I can say it, because I have a cousin who's gay.
That's why I can say it.
By the way, hit the notification bell if you're subscribed on YouTube, because subscriptions don't mean a whole lot.
And we stream in the mornings, 10 a.m.
Eastern, weekdays.
So much streaming.
Yes, a lot of streaming.
Frothy.
Stop it.
I knew it.
I was going to say, the question Colin Jost asked was, so you think people should stay home until the pandemic gets better?
It is better.
We're there.
It's better than when.
What is the standard?
We have more hospitalizations than we did.
Stop!
Everyone stop!
You've lost the plot!
Sick people are going to hospitals.
I'm a teacher, Steven.
I'm a teacher!
I have a course!
I'm a hero!
Don't think that's who Pat Benatar was singing about, sweetheart.
No.
I thought she had some points.
I don't know.
And to add to the hypocrisy, by the way, SNL, this is something a lot of people don't know.
We talked about this yesterday where they banned outdoor dining, but then they had the craft services table.
Oh, jeez.
SNL used a lockdown loophole to get around the prohibitions on indoor gatherings so that they could film the show.
Here's the thing.
They were allowed to have an indoor audience.
Oh, right, right.
Really?
Because they paid the audience members as employees, which they kind of are because they have to follow instructions.
She would be a great crowd animator.
She really would.
Yeah this is like the reductio of like well yeah of course oh so now they're paying people to laugh.
They're paying?
It's not just that they're holding up signs.
People to laugh.
Well they tried asking them to laugh originally and it just wasn't working.
That didn't work.
No it did work.
Think about it when you're seeing SNL and you're seeing them bomb that's with a crowd animator going And they have money in their pockets from the show!
That is insanity.
They've gone through a lot of crowd animators.
They seem to drink themselves out in early graves.
They go through crowd animators faster than Ben Shapiro goes through secretaries.
Now I don't mean anything untoward, I just mean that he has high standards.
Ah, there we go.
Right!
Of course!
Listen, you've got the excel sheet and the formatting sheet and you're fired.
That's always what happens.
It's always the Excel sheets.
If you're going to go work for Benjamin Shapiro, get your spreadsheets right.
And this is just, again, when people wonder how Donald Trump won both times.
It's because of this elitism.
It really is.
You have a guy who is employed, and he can make it work through a loophole, and you see this in California.
And so now, let's go to a response from one of the actual citizens who suffer under these lockdowns, who don't make 15,000 an episode like Pete Davidson in the great city of...
Okay.
The city of New York.
York.
The place.
The ignorance level is so high now that you have mega millionaires who are on the national
spotlight like the folks on Saturday Night Live.
And instead of making fun of their friends and the local business owners who are broke
and crushed and bankrupt, instead of coming down here as fellow Staten Islanders and standing
up for them and bringing a positive light to this thing, what they want to do is go
on national TV and try to humiliate the little man when he's down.
And to me that's quite disgusting.
If you came out of your perch...
And by the way, only black people can say that.
Marc Lamont Hale once said that all prisoners were political prisoners, and you've gotten in trouble for that because of this idea of mass incarceration.
Take it up with Harris, sweetheart, your vice president-elect.
today talking about a political prisoner who was the victim of, in my view, a political ambush.
And by the way, only black people can say that. Mark Lamont Hale once said that all
prisoners were political prisoners and you've gotten in trouble for that because of this idea
of mass incarceration. Take it up with Harris, sweetheart.
You're vice president-elect. I say that facetiously. This is... what I love, he's like, they're
on their perch.
They're on their perch!
They're so full of shit you can't read the newspaper under their perch!
I look down, what's black, white, red all over and covered in your shit?
It's you from your parts, Pete Davidson.
That guy's like a caricature of a mobster.
Yeah, exactly.
And it was really funny that he said that while he was doing the exact opposite of his advice.
Where they're like, oh, what can people do in this battle?
Well, they could stay home.
There's plenty of... Are you home?
You're out working?
You're here!
Yeah, this is the compassionate left.
Their vision of themselves as being very compassionate is because they don't actually talk to people who are hurting.
They're just told who to feel bad for and who not to feel bad for.
They pick and choose.
Or people who are employing.
Schumer and Biden, now they're saying he might just, whoa, with a wave of a pen, you know, $50,000 in student loans forgiven.
You know, here's the thing.
You are compassionate only to the lowest common denominator, the people who took out loans for underwater basket weaving or Afro lesbian centric feminist studies.
You know who's going to be mad about that?
People who paid off their loans.
Yeah.
People who opted not to go to university or go to a community college or go to a trade school, just like what they say, oh, you know what?
The rich should pay more in taxes.
Listen, if Biden has his way with taxes, depending on the plan, you can take two or three salaries from this company.
Boom!
Cut it off the top.
Because this is not a small business, mind you, according to the Biden tax bracket.
We're about 12 to 15 employees.
I think we have some contractors.
I think we have 14 employees.
So we're just like Walt.
We need to be treated like the Walton family.
Wow.
Good night, economy.
Good night, Sam.
That's where we are.
They're compassionate.
They're compassionate to the zeros, to the non-contributors who think that it is empathetic for them to be able to stay home indefinitely while the people who keep our economy alive take it on the chin.
Because I'm a teacher!
Exactly.
Those are the people they're going to go after and help.
The people that are screeching.
I have a friend from church in Canada who's a teacher and all he does is post on social media about like, I had to clean my desks and I wasn't paid for overtime.
And it's like, oh, the horror!
The horror!
I thought you were doing it because you cared about the kids!
All of a sudden little Clorox is beyond your purview!
Right.
That's when it's time for raises and negotiations.
Put some Purell on your desk next to the apples and call it a day.
Are you saying that we have, who do we have?
We have a Cibela and Michael.
Oh, well, they're both there right now?
Michael Senior, the dad.
Oh, Michael Senior.
Can we go to them in a little bit?
Because I think we still have a couple more things to get to.
If they can just hold for about 10 minutes.
Okay.
Okay, just 10 minutes.
I really want to make sure that we get that correct.
And I also know that I think we have someone else who might be checking in with us.
So let's move here on to the Pope really quickly.
And then we'll keep cycling along through this.
Tell them to be earmuffs on this one.
Yeah, make sure that young Michael isn't there because I need to get into Santa character.
And we do need to check in with Finnegan, I do want to see if he's up.
Yeah, somebody should go after him.
I'm worried.
So, in his new book, The Head of the 1.5 Billion Dollar Church, the Pope, with 22 Amazon reviews, so things are looking up.
He criticized liberty-minded conservatives.
Now let's keep in mind that this Pope has said that Christians should never seek to convert unbelievers and that tax cuts are a sin if the wealthy get them.
And he compared Trump's immigration policies to King Herod's massacre of children.
So he's no stranger to rhetoric.
Yeah, that's what Donald Trump said.
Listen!
Listen!
I want you to find every firstborn... And tax the hell out of them.
I don't know if we can... I don't know if we can... Don't tax them!
I don't want to tax them!
You want to kill them?
No!
I support the life of the unborn and after they're born.
What do you want the census to be?
I just want to make sure they're doing okay.
I want to give him more money.
Bring me the Christ!
What a monster.
So here are some direct quotes from the infallible dumbass in chief.
And I want to know, Catholics out there, listen, there have been a lot of popes who I've liked.
Not this guy.
Leave your comment.
That's the best thing you can do to help the show.
Join the conversation.
Here's a quote from the Pope.
Some groups protested, refusing to keep their distance, marching against travel restrictions.
And he writes this, as if measures that governments must impose for the good of their people constitute some kind of political assault on autonomy or personal freedom.
Yes!
Yes!
A little bit.
Answer!
That's your argument.
Let me make a counter-argument.
That's what lawyers, I'm a lawyer, call a counter-argument.
Yes, it is an assault on personal autonomy.
And by the way, just saying as though some sort of government regulations for the common good makes it inherently virtuous.
Every single government overreach, every single act of tyranny was done for the common good.
From taxation without representation to, let's go right through it, Stalin!
Some of the worst atrocities.
This is a writing from Stalin.
Stalin didn't say, here's what we are going to do is we're going to take over farms and then no one will have food so that we have no base for economy.
That's not what he planned.
We want them to feel bad.
Yes, and they will look away when we take your women.
They always look away.
Here's what he said, we did not build this society in order to restrict personal liberty, but in order that the human individual may feel really free.
It is difficult for me to imagine what personal liberty is enjoyed by an unemployed person who goes about hungry and cannot find employment.
Real liberty can exist only where exploitation has been abolished, unless it's coming from the state.
Where there is no oppression of some by others, unless of course you're talking about twenty-something million dead.
Where there is no unemployment and poverty that work like a charm.
Where a man is not haunted by the fear of tomorrow being deprived of work, of home, and of bread.
Not only were they deprived of work, home, and bread, they couldn't even find the wheat or the yeast to make the bread.
You hipsters with your stupid yeast starters, I don't know when that became a trend, but you wouldn't have had that under Stalin.
So if, according to the Pope, we're supposed to take everybody at their word, we're supposed to evaluate policies by their stated motives, and not by their consequences, that's very short-term thinking, and it's not how adults think.
And you know what surprised me?
51% of those Russkies today admire Stalin.
Wow.
He's got stank.
Helmet, what percent?
51.
51, yeah.
Maybe they just don't realize what happened.
Maybe they outlawed teaching history in Russia.
That's because you wouldn't pay me overtime!
They don't support the heroes.
You know what they don't have?
They don't have the teachers screaming in their cars.
They don't.
They usually kill them first.
Hey, let's go to Mao, Pope.
Mao killed tens of millions of people for the good of the people.
They still basically make pilgrimages when people try and go and visit the Mao land sites.
Here's actually an article from the Guardian where it says, shedding tears as he saw Mao's rubbery cadaver up close for the first time.
Huang told the newspaper, Our generation has a very deep attachment to Mao who created a harmonious society in which people could trust each other with no tricks at all.
By the way, when you have someone saying, like, he made such a great society with no tricks now, it means there's probably some tricks.
Yeah.
Don't look here.
The tens of millions of people would like to have a word with you about how great that society was.
How great that leap forward was.
Silly rabbit!
Tricks are for Westerners!
By the way, I watched the Tricks Rabbit go in and purchase his own box of tricks, get mugged by kids.
This is the problem with entitlement in the United States.
Can't handle that.
The rabbit just wants some tricks.
I don't know if that's a just-of-tracked-for trick, but the point is...
Freedom for me, not for thee.
That's what those kids say.
Here's another Pope claim.
This is a quote directly from his book.
22 reviews.
You'll never find such people protesting the death of George Floyd.
Okay, that's loaded, but let's continue.
Or joining a demonstration because there are shantytowns where children lack water education.
Or because there are whole families who have lost their income.
Wait, hold on a second!
The Communist Pope is saying that you will not find these people who are anti-lockdown protesting families who've lost their income.
That's the whole reason both the World Health Organization and liberty-minded individuals in the United States are protesting lockdowns.
Don't take my word for it.
We have 1,500, over 1,500 Staten Islanders protesting tonight.
There's probably a thousand left, and we are peacefully protesting.
No rioting, no looting.
Open it up! Open it up! Open it up!
Oh What were they saying?
Were they saying, uh, were they saying, uh, kill people?
Yeah.
Were they saying, get the Uden?
Yeah.
I think they said something about open up business so they could help people who lost their income.
You're missing the scary American flags, Steven.
That was really scary, unless you're a country who is under tyrannical rule and the only thing you're hoping for, seeing over that hill, is the American flag and the sounds of our scary black rifles.
That's true.
Is the assumption here that nobody on the left wants to open businesses?
That none of these business owners could be on the left?
Many of them are.
They live in Los Angeles.
It's a very blue place.
So again, the Pope's saying that you won't see the same people protesting business closes as you would maybe a George Floyd protest or something.
Maybe they are.
All you have to be is one person and then his entire argument falls apart.
Stop it!
tipping their hand. He's like, you don't see these people because we don't want to open
businesses. Oh, that's the problem. That's the problem right here is you don't want to
open businesses. Stop it. Stop it. I must go think of holy things.
Yeah, exactly. The assumption is that business is inherently some kind of negative thing.
It's like...
These are all, again, Marxist, Communist assumptions that the Pope just gets to go get away with.
Here's another one he says in his 22 time-reviewed book, that restrictions necessary for people's protections amount to an unjust demand of an interfering state.
There are politicians who peddle these narratives for their own gain.
Hold on!
Hold on a second!
COVID lockdown shut down 15 million small businesses, a record number of small businesses.
But the big companies, by the way, who, while we're talking about politicians, $350 million just from Facebook into the election.
Whatever happened to Citizens United and getting money out of the election?
I don't understand.
Companies like Alphabet, Amazon, Facebook, they've managed to increase their profits.
Billionaires have increased their overall net worth by half a trillion dollars.
Wow.
So when you say that they... What do these business owners stand to gain on a massive scale other than, again, providing income and food for their families?
Yeah, absolutely.
What do you think it's done to charity?
Charitable giving in the church around the world has gotten to just Fall through the floor, right?
And he says, he says two things, right?
They must, and these are the things that we have to do, like there are no alternatives.
Oh, yeah.
Hold on a second.
Uh, hold on.
Uh, what is, what is, yeah, what's, what?
Hello?
Uh, we have Thomas Finnegan.
Yeah, what is it?
I can hear him.
Thomas Finnegan, what's going on?
Steven, uh, can you, can you set me up with Gabby?
Yeah, the gap.
You mean gabby.com slash Crowder?
Yeah, I'm trying to do the paperwork online.
But it's asking me for my information.
Yeah.
So no, yeah, people who don't know their sponsor, Gabby.com slash Crowder you go, it's it's free.
And actually, you enter in your insurance information.
And then it shows you where you can get a better rate because a lot of people get locked into insurance for years and don't realize that there are better rates elsewhere.
Yeah.
Okay, I put in all my information, but it's It's not giving it to me.
It's not giving you what?
It's not giving me the insurance.
Wait, yeah, no, you have to enter in your insurance information.
Are you trying to get insurance right now?
Thomas Finnegan?
I won't go back.
Okay, all right, let's let Thomas Finnegan go.
Um...
Wow.
Wow.
And...
And by the way, for people who don't know, that's gabby.com slash Crowder.
You get a free check.
I did.
I was shocked.
I was shocked.
That's fantastic.
Shocked how much, all it is is you just go and you check it and they don't sell out any of your information, by the way.
It's privileged.
It's private.
I think, yeah, I think, I heard that they, like, customers save like an average of like $900.
It's something ridiculous.
That's wild.
I thought there was a mistake.
Right.
It's a pretty easy product.
I looked at it and I was like, really?
Just because I've been paying insurance for a very long time and then they don't give you the discounts because you just get used to paying for insurance.
So gabby.com slash Crowder and because you enter in our URL you will get it for free.
A free check.
Nice.
I believe now we are going to be getting on the line here any second.
The mother, and if I'm not mistaken, the father, as well, of the boy in question.
For people who don't remember, who didn't see this segment earlier, right before we bring them in, I want to show this video again.
It was making the rounds, and everyone here at Ladder with Crowder, our blood was boiling.
Roll clip.
What do you want for Christmas?
Ah, it still breaks my heart to watch.
Yeah.
I don't know.
What?
Nope, no guns.
Nerf guns.
Nope, not even a nerf gun.
That's a mom right there stepping in for something.
Nerf gun!
If your dad wants to get it for you, that's fine, but I can't bring it to you.
What else would you like?
Lots of other toys.
There's Legos.
There's bicycles.
And the kid's holding it together as he's being scolded.
What do you think?
What do you think?
It's okay, buddy.
It's okay. We're dead.
Oh.
Oh.
Now Santa cares.
Now commie Santa cares.
Alright, we have on the line with us Sabella, I hope I'm pronouncing that right, DiCarlo, and the husband, who you don't see in the video, Michael DiCarlo, who's also a police officer.
Thank you guys for being here.
Can you hear and see me?
Yes, we can.
Hi, Steven.
Hi.
Thank you for having us.
Thank you for being here, and I tried to—so we don't have your son.
He'll be on after this, but I did go through the whole hair and makeup, and I'm very sticky right now.
But I'll say, our blood was boiling watching this video.
Your son will be—he's—by the way, I thought he was like six or seven, because he's very tall.
Your son is four, correct?
Yeah, he's four and a half.
He's four and a half, okay.
So, yeah, that's a really rough age to be scolded by Santa.
And can I just say, the composure of your son was remarkable.
He stayed, you know, you could see him kind of holding it in until the Santa continued with like, no, no, what else do you want?
Don't tell my son it's okay.
Yeah.
No, no, it's okay.
Santa's being a chastising asshole.
Just, it's fine.
What was going through your mind while you were watching this?
Dad, a police officer.
I've got to imagine it would take everything in your strength to not beat Santa's ass and ruin the spirit of Christmas for all the other kids there.
Well, right.
Well, the reason why we were recording it in the first place was because Mike was on the street and he misses a lot of Michael's firsts.
We wanted him to see, like, a really cute exchange with Santa his first time, telling him what he wants, you know?
And, um, that obviously was not the case.
But, as it was happening, I looked over at my mom, like, is this really happening?
Like, I was in shock, and I was almost, like, nervous, laughing under, like, is this really... I couldn't believe it.
And then, you know, you can obviously see the heartbreak on my son's face, so...
My concern was consoling him.
Yeah, consoling him and then, you know, hoping to call Santa over for a little minute.
You know, for me, what's remarkable is when I was a kid and I used to go to mall Santas, I don't know about you, but they always used to say very general things because they don't know the parents' budget.
Like, well, be a good boy and we'll see what you get under the Christmas tree.
Not, you know, have you been to momsdemandaction.org?
I mean, you know, so that alone was surprising to me.
What happened after the video?
Did you talk with Santa?
Did he apologize?
No, I couldn't even look at him.
I, you know, I just consoled Michael, wiped away his tears, and I kind of wanted to salvage as much as I could.
So we did have them take a picture.
It's his sister's first Christmas.
It's his first year.
Well, he did visit Santa last year, but he was three and didn't really understand.
The magic wasn't as intense as it is this year.
So we continued with the picture for, I don't even know what reason, but then we just left and bought him a bunch of stuff at the mall.
Well, and that's also challenging, too, right?
Because you want it to be a surprise for your kid, but Santa puts you in that scenario where he says, I'm not going to get you a Nerf gun, where you almost have to say, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't worry, you'll get a Nerf gun, and then you also lose the surprise of Christmas.
So there's a litany of things that he did wrong.
Right.
Well, we told him, you know, the mall Santas are just Santas helpers.
Right.
And, you know, he accepted.
Well, that's good.
That's what my parents would tell me to, and that's why when I talk with your son here, and I want to make sure I have him, he's four years old.
I've got some information here for people who are watching so we can help with the magic of Christmas.
He's a boxer.
He loves Rocky Balboa, has a blue Christmas tree in his bedroom.
He has a bulldog named Carlo, pug named Ozzie, and I have a little, I have a bully breed here named Joe Lewis after my favorite boxer.
So I think it's providential that I get to be, you know, the real Santa, not the department store Santa.
This is Santa making a real call.
And Dad, what did you think when you saw that video?
Like, can you issue a no-knock warrant?
You know, I mean, my wife called me and told me, and you know, at first, like any father,
you're furious, you're livid, you know, and I'm like, well, what'd you do?
You know, did she actually handle it the right way?
You know, you can't, you know, you got to be calm and comfort your kid, get him away from the situation, and then address it later.
Right.
Which is, again, I'm proud of her, you know?
Yeah.
I would have hopefully handled it the same way.
Right.
Yeah, that's the one thing.
I've got to imagine you have to balance, obviously, being responsible as a parent, but being incredibly protective.
And, you know, people talk about sort of the moments that you have, like graduation, or, you know, a wedding, or obviously the birth, but These are also experiences as parents that are unique.
You know, the first time where a kid is cognizant of Santa.
You know, the magic of Christmas.
And you guys put in a lot of work there, too.
And just for some activist to tear it away.
And this kid probably, your son probably wants a Nerf gun because he wants to be like Dad, a police officer.
So I assume that he didn't, the video didn't stop and he goes, Command a mass shooting!
I assume he just wanted a Nerf gun.
Right, and instead Santa shamed him for his Christmas wish, you know.
Yeah.
Well, I think we told you guys.
It's unfortunate, but it's okay.
You're gonna bring your son, and we will be sending a cornucopia of Nerf guns, and if you could send us... Now, Nerf guns, are there anything else?
Like, does he want Super Soakers?
I don't know what the... Laser Tag?
What else does the young man want here?
We want to give you guys whatever we can and label it from Santa.
You know, I mean, we're very blessed to be able to... His Christmas list was fulfilled before he even saw the Santa.
Oh, okay.
So, we would love to...
Pass it on to other kids who really don't have that option.
How about this?
After we finish the program, we can get in touch with you guys and maybe, specifically, if there's someone you can think of in your neighborhood or maybe your church or your community who we could help and isn't a pink Okami who hates Nerf guns.
We can help them, you know, we can spread it around and if there is of course any I
would like to do something special for your son as well even if it's just one
small sort of token so that I can I can feel like you know we will graciously
accept but it's not necessary.
Okay, well thank you.
So you have, so your son isn't there right now, so you have purchased, well, but he can't hear you right now, can he?
Or do you have to whisper?
No.
Okay, so you have purchased, because I don't want to promise him anything here, and then he'll be like, Santa really is a dick!
So you did get a Nerf gun, right?
Or some Nerf guns, if I mention.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Actually, this morning he asked for a scooter and we did buy him a racer scooter.
Okay.
All right.
Well, the problem with those is he can turn it upside down and it looks like a gun!
And you know what?
It wouldn't be surprising in a couple years if the kid is asking for a BB gun.
You know, I was talking about this earlier.
Kids used to ask for those a lot younger and it was never considered immoral.
You know, the reason, and Michael, you probably know this, I was talking about young boys The reason they're interested in guns and Swiss Army Knives is they're powerless.
Everyone's bigger.
Everyone's stronger.
And a power tool, a power wheels, a little Nerf gun or a BB gun, a Swiss Army Knife, makes you feel like you can even the playing field a little bit.
And my parents use it as a teaching opportunity.
When I got my BB gun, my dad took me out with it and treated it like a real firearm.
When I got my Swiss Army knife and they weren't looking and I was whittling and we had a cheap Swiss Army knife
because we didn't have that much, so it was dull, but not dull enough to give me a paper cut nonstop.
The point is my dad tried to teach me proper respect of these powerful tools.
And it's amazing that someone decided to take it upon themselves.
But Michael, you remember what that's like as a boy?
You're never gonna stop boys from playing cops and robbers.
Oh no.
They still play.
I mean.
Well, he technically is a cop, so he's not playing.
Well, but the Nerf War is at home.
You know, it's crazy what goes on here.
Yeah.
Okay, well, hold on a second.
So here's what I'm going to do.
I want you to bring in young Michael.
Let me get my hat and my glasses on.
Right, I have it right.
His name is also Michael, right?
Okay, and then I will talk with him for a little bit.
I'm going to get into Santa character and hopefully hit the reset button.
And then after that, we'll talk with you guys later and see how we can bless someone in your neighborhood or how we can work together.
So hold on, let me get into uniform.
It's really just a wig and the glasses here.
All right, hold on.
Oh, that's small because of my giant cranium.
Well, I have Famous Guy Head, where it's like the camera grows your face like radiation from a microwave.
Alright, listen, I've got to say, my mother does wardrobe and makeup here, and I'm pretty impressed with her.
Thank you, Thomasin.
I spent about an hour in makeup for this.
Well, listen, thank you guys so much.
Thank you for making time on the show, and thank you for being so considerate.
You know, listen, this is a perfect example of checking your privilege.
Not because someone's guilting you, but saying, hey, we're blessed enough to be able to provide this for our kids, and maybe we can bless others.
See?
That's what happens whether you're middle class, upper middle class, whether you're wealthy.
You can find a way to pass it on, and what a wonderful thing to do at Christmas.
Also, you know, baby Jesus.
Certainly.
Yeah, that's a big part of it.
The Christ Child, of course.
Yes, yes.
Savior to the world.
All right, Sabella and Mr. DiCarlo, again, thank you for holding the lines there for us, too, as a police officer.
Send in the young boy, give him the headphones, and Santa's gonna be ready to talk with him.
All right.
All right, I will go get him.
Hey, buddy!
Michael Oh
There's little Michael Little Michael, do you know who this is making a call just for you?
Who is that?
Santa!
This is Santa!
That's right!
And I understand that you're a fan of me, Santa, and you had a little bit of a run-in with one of those helpers at the mall who hadn't been vetted properly yesterday.
Is that right?
What do you call him?
Um, Bad Santa.
That's right, Bad Santa, who didn't pass the chemical test beforehand, but we've taken care of that.
And as the real Santa, I understand that you know the rules of engagement here, that you've been a very... Have you been a good boy this year?
Okay, now I know that you're a fan of boxing, just like old Santa here.
You like boxing and you're a big fan of Rocky Balboa.
Do I have that right?
Oh, maybe that's another little Michael.
Maybe I have that wrong.
You're not the boxer?
That's me.
That's you!
Let me see those, let me see those fists there, young Michael.
Let me see.
Put up your dukes.
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oh, look at that.
I think that's going to be a heavyweight.
Look, he's in his peek-a-boo stance.
Wow.
Wonderful.
Now, look at that.
Training with Custom Otto so young.
Oh, now you've been good, though.
Right?
You've been good.
You don't...
Do you know who... Custom Auto-trained Mike Tyson!
And, uh, I understand you also... You have two young... two dogs, right?
Do... I know one is a bulldog, and then there's another one.
What kind of dog is... is, uh, Ozzy?
He's a pug!
Ho, ho, ho!
Oh, they have to be delivered by C-section.
Now, do you know that Santa Claus, you can't see him, but I have a doggo Argentino who's like a bulldog, and his name is Joe Louis.
I don't know if you remember Joe Louis, but he's a world-famous boxer from a long time ago.
That might be before your time.
It's okay.
Now, I want to be clear.
Young Michael, you're being good with boxing though, right?
You're not boxing any friends who don't want to.
You're not being a bully, right?
No, okay, that's good.
You know, when you get big and strong like your dad there, who's a policeman who helps keep us safe right now when there are some tough times in the United States, people like your dad out there keep us safe because they learn how to use their firearms and their hands to protect the innocent, right?
You promise Santa right now that as you get big and strong, you'll only use that to help people, right?
Not hurt people.
Do you promise?
I need to hear you say that, Michael.
Otherwise, there's going to be a call.
You promised to help people.
He's joking.
No, I'm joking.
I know you've been very good this year.
Now, let me ask you this, young Michael.
What is it?
I know that the helper, again, no association there.
We're looking through HR and I'll get back to your parents about this.
What was it that you asked that unqualified helper for at the mall?
A Nerf gun!
Well that sounds like a wonderful gift, a wonderful toy.
And that man told you no?
Well let me tell you, that's not the real Santa.
He's what your parents will teach you about when you get older.
He's what we call a Communist.
We had to get rid of them at the North Pole.
I don't know if you know this, but Santa actually has used firearms for a very long time and also, of course, always taught and encouraged firearm safety.
Did you know that during World War II, Santa Claus taught people about firearm safety and how to use guns properly?
No. You know, Santa even right here, the thing, when I travel on my sleigh up north, sometimes we get bears, or we
get something, you know, that could hurt Santa's reindeer.
So Santa, old Saint Nick, packs a heater.
Would you like to hear the story about the time that my peace saved my reindeer?
Would you like to hear the story, Michael?
That's okay.
You don't need to be shy.
Santa likes to have a laugh.
So I was at the North Pole.
I had to stop.
It was a pit stop.
We have a fast charger now.
I had to go back to the North Pole before going over to a faraway land that's very dangerous called France.
When I was there, we had a grizzly bear.
And the grizzly bear was accompanied by a pack of wolves.
And so Santa had to take his gat out from his chest.
I fired two times in the air to keep my reindeer safe.
And they ran off.
And no one was hurt and Blitzen was able to live another day.
So see, if you use firearms and your strength properly, you can protect people and keep them from being hurt.
Just like your pops over there.
You know what?
Do me a favor.
If you want a gift, I want to give you a gift, okay?
I really want to give you a gift.
I think that Nerf gun sounds mighty nice.
But give your mother a kiss on the cheek and give your dad right now a big old hug.
Can you do that for Santa?
Okay, your mother first, ladies first.
Now give the old policeman a big hug!
Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, look at that!
That makes... This made my cord.
It made your cord go.
Well, that's okay.
Listen, maybe Santa comes down your chimney with something wireless, okay?
But you just need to keep that behavior up.
All right, well listen, Michael.
I know that you're very busy and Santa's very busy, but I tell you what.
Maybe this Christmas you might have something special there under that blue Christmas tree in your bedroom.
Keep that up.
Make sure you put out some cookies for Santa and some carrots for the reindeer.
You know, reindeer, they're herbivores, right?
You do that and be a good boy.
And I think, I can't make any promises, but you'll probably get just what you're looking for this Christmas.
Okay, Michael?
All right.
And just make sure, make sure Michael, one more thing I'll ask of you.
When you see people down the street, be friendly.
Show them a smile and say Merry Christmas to everyone.
Because I know yesterday was hard and that man was mean to you.
And throughout your life you'll find some people who are mean.
Some people who are mean are less happy with themselves than they are with you.
And what you do is you continue getting big and strong.
Listen to your mother and daddy and you just be nice and smile right back and say Merry Merry Christmas to all!
Alright, Michael, I have to go feed the reindeer and I have some elves who are being insubordinate, so I have my plate full.
But thank you so much for taking the time and I look forward to stopping by your house this Christmas.
Okay, Michael?
Thank you!
Oh, thank you.
That warms my heart.
Bye, Michael.
Bye, Sabella and Michael Sr.
Thank you for taking the time.
We'll talk with you a little later.
Oh, that was wonderful.
What nice people they are.
That is exhausting.
No wonder that commie gets surly.
That was very sweet.
That was awesome.
Oh my gosh.
I love that.
Did I ever tell you the story?
Then we have to go.
We're going to go to MugClubLoudEarthCrowder.com slash MugClub.
$30 off if you enter into the promo code Crowder.
Election stream.
We'll be playing Manny the Art Critic and taking your chat.
But I was going to... Oh, I, one time, I applied to be a Santa Claus by phone.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
So it was, you know, they would give you kind of that information.
Did you audition?
Yeah.
No, I didn't audition.
I did in a voicemail.
Oh, a Santa by phone.
Like a phone Santa.
Yeah, so phone Santa.
And they would pay you by the call.
Interesting.
And I had to drive about 45 minutes away for a drug test.
And I never heard back.
Now, I don't know, I've never, I've never taken drugs in my life.
At that point, I haven't even consumed a drop of alcohol.
So I don't know if being drugless precluded me.
Oh, that's interesting.
Is that the only way you can handle making calls to Santa?
Something hallucinogenic, yeah.
I have no idea.
But I tell you what, if I didn't have to work full-time as the bastard that I am to make sure everyone here is still gainfully employed, I would love to be a mall-store Santa.
Man, you know what?
Here's the thing, guys.
It doesn't take much to make a kid happy.
The kid just—you know what that was?
When I just say, hey, you have a dog, hey, you're—the kid just—to him, Santa's important.
And he just wants to feel listened to.
He just wants to feel like he's important.
And guess what?
You don't have to be Santa.
You can just be a mom or a dad.
Or if you're a department store Santa, just don't be a prick.
Just make the kid feel like he's listened to.
All you have to do is repeat what they tell you.
Take an interest in what matters to them.
And you know what?
This is why we need more dads in the house.
This is why kids need a mommy, a daddy, and they need to be in the house because that kid right there, I believe if I'm not mistaken, they're in Chicago.
His dad is a Chicago police officer.
And you know what?
Some kids there have a rough situation in Chicago.
But that's That's two parents who care about their kid, and statistically, that will do more for him than any school could, than any forgiveness of student loans, than any socialized health care.
You take your pick.
Nothing is going to give that kid a leg up more than a mom and a dad and maybe a Nerf gun underneath his bedroom blue Christmas tree this year.
Everyone who's been watching, let me know, too.
Again, we're just looking for your comments, the comment squad.
What was your most magical Christmas moment with Santa Claus?
Let's talk about that, too.
And I don't always respond, but we do read the comments, and we'll be doing an Ask Me Anything next week, so we'll be aggregating your comments.
It's the best thing you can do just to cut through the YouTube algorithm.
Thank you so much.
Right now, we have to go to keep everyone gainfully employed.
Another 45 minutes of show at Mug Club.
You know the rest.
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