April 30, 2020 - Louder with Crowder
04:47:21
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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Long bookmarked rubble, that I bury still always. x4 Long bookmarked rubble, that I bury still always. x4 | |
| Long bookmarked rubble, that I bury still always. x4 Long bookmarked rubble, that I bury still always. x4 | |
| Now I can say he's lived, until he's loved. | |
| Well, go out and love someone. | |
| Could I do her? | |
| Have you told her? | |
| No, you know me. | |
| I'm too shy. | |
| If I could cable her. | |
| Why not semaphore? | |
| Arthur, you've got to declare yourself openly. | |
| Otherwise you'll stay right where you are. | |
| Bosham. | |
| you I have plain, simple feelings. | |
| And I use plain, simple words. | |
| And I simply have to let you know. | |
| Plainly, that I... No, no. | |
| namely and simply what? | |
| I'm a fool I'm a fool | |
| Draw the knives and you have it. | |
| Oh, no, really, I think you ought to give him a chance. | |
| He seems kind of... helpless. | |
| Helplessness is the last thing I am looking for. | |
| Does it light? Even shimmy. | |
| Look, please, if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, you must learn not to interrupt. | |
| The rest of our lives? | |
| Yes. | |
| You mean marriage? | |
| Of course. | |
| You've got a nerve. | |
| I've got several of them. | |
| They all function normally. | |
| Do you realise what you've said? | |
| I should do. | |
| It's pounded in my brain often enough. | |
| Asleep and awake. | |
| In the drowsy fantasy moment of every lonely dawn. | |
| Come on. | |
| No, it's just the sudden realization of the fact that I love you. | |
| I love you. | |
| Nobody ever does And here I thought you could talk to me I understand Nobody ever does | |
| And here I thought you could talk to me I understand you | |
| Bye! | |
| Oh Oh | |
| Oh And here I thought you could talk to me | |
| I'll just have to think of something else. | |
| Here I thought you could talk to me. | |
| I thought you could talk to me. | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe! | |
| What a day. | |
| That's very honest Allowance | |
| That's very honest Expecto Patronus | |
| Facts That's very honest | |
| 1, 2, 3 Birthday | |
| Only post on When there's no one else to speak | |
| Balls and carry That's where birthday | |
| Only post on When there's no one else to speak | |
| Balls and carry Are you there, sir? | |
| Are you there, sir? | |
| Are you Scrooge. | |
| Poculus where? | |
| Blood lies within the chamber I wonder | |
| Scrooge I wonder | |
| Little girl Sunshine, daisy, watermelon | |
| Sunshine, daisy, watermelon I strongly recommend | |
| Potion Manchipora! | |
| No such thing, ma'am. | |
| Anyone who hears this, why is it always me? | |
| Or Manta Bora? | |
| No such thing, ma'am. | |
| One, two, three. | |
| Where are they? | |
| Only in Pinsa. | |
| Where are they, where are they, where are they? | |
| Bolton's Parry. | |
| And it's like, where are they? | |
| Only in Pinsa. | |
| Where are they, where are they, where are they? | |
| Bolton's Parry. | |
| And it's like, where are they? | |
| Only in Pinsa. | |
| Oh, you piss off, all you do is run, run, run, take the bulls and carry them inside your wear. | |
| Monday. | |
| Oh, you piss off, all you do is run, run, run, take the bulls and carry them inside your wear. | |
| Monday. | |
| My eye cockiness, I bleed from cravings to a boulder. Cockiness. | |
| Wear. | |
| Terry. | |
| Oh, my eye cockiness, I'm choking from cravings to a boulder. | |
| One cockiness. | |
| Wear. | |
| Blood. | |
| My eye cockiness, I bleed from cravings to a boulder. Cockiness. | |
| Wear. | |
| Oh, my eye cockiness, I'm choking from cravings to a boulder. | |
| One cockiness. | |
| Wear. | |
| Blood. | |
| Perhaps the moon knows the secret of the new sound. | |
| Open your mind. | |
| So bright. | |
| Open your mind. Let us begin our quest to find it. | |
| I've got new. | |
| I've got everything I need. | |
| I've got you. | |
| Okay, let's have fun. | |
| I've got you. | |
| He's so bright and bright. | |
| Pull on this hand, sis. | |
| He's so bright and he won't get out my face. | |
| He's so bright and bright. | |
| Pull on this hand, pull on this. | |
| He's so bright and he won't get out my face. | |
| I've got you. | |
| I see I see so so so fuck off you. | |
| the picture I'm- I'm- I'm- Icy, icy, zoo, zoo! | |
| I've got new- Zoo, zoo! | |
| Icy, icy, zoo! | |
| I've got new- Ciao! | |
| Uh! | |
| You must choose! | |
| It's cool outside! | |
| Bimbo, bimbo! | |
| My name is Mr. Susan! | |
| You must choose! | |
| And now it is time for you to do the choosin'! | |
| I am Mr. Peeble! | |
| It's zoo, zoo time! | |
| I've got new. You must choose. Captain Kevin, it's trapped in cabinets. | |
| Can I get out? | |
| Will I get out? | |
| Of course you will. | |
| You're like a dingle dine, rinse rinse ya head D-d-d-d-dingle dine, burn a bed now | |
| Oh, you're like a dingle dine We all get up and play | |
| Mmm, everything I need here You're like a dingle dine, rinse rinse ya head | |
| D-d-d-d-dingle dine, burn a bed now Oh, you're like a dingle dine | |
| We all get up and play I did a rhyme, oh! | |
| Better bet he's not a nice dude I'm a nice dude, I'm a nice dude | |
| I'm a nice dude, I'm a nice dude You, you're my nice dude | |
| Go get some time Nicey, nicey, zoes, go back off, you | |
| Zoes, go nicey, nicey, zoes Pop, pop, pop, pop | |
| Back off, you, back off, you Yeah, nicey, nicey, zoes, go back off, you | |
| Zoes, go nicey, nicey, zoes You, you're my nice | |
| Back off, nice Go get some time, back, back, back | |
| Nicey, nicey, zoes, go back off, you Zoes, zoes, nicey, nicey, zoes | |
| Back off, you Go get some time | |
| Back off, back off, back off You're a nice dude | |
| Used to turn out, out of the big world But I, I found a girl in you | |
| Your dream, your dream came true Nothing compares, no worries | |
| Used to turn out, out of the big world But I, I found a girl in you | |
| Your dream, your dream came true Nothing compares, no worries | |
| Get the bomb back, get the bomb back, get the bomb, get the bomb | |
| And get your skin now, now, now Settle down, peace, calm, find your balance | |
| Settle down, peace, calm And get your skin now, now, now | |
| Settle down, peace, calm, find your balance Nothing compares, no worries | |
| Get the bomb back, get the bomb back, get the bomb, get the bomb | |
| Now, now, you know how Now, now, now, now | |
| Used to turn out, out of the big world But I, I found a girl in you | |
| Your dream, your dream came true Nothing compares, no worries | |
| And get your skin now, now, now And get your skin now, now, now | |
| Settle down, peace, calm, find your balance Nothing compares, no worries | |
| Get the bomb back, get the bomb back, get the bomb, get the bomb | |
| Nothing compares, no worries Nothing compares, no worries | |
| Nothing compares, no worries Nothing compares | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| Subscribe to my channel for more videos! | |
| Like and share! | |
| It came this way. | |
| Oh, let explain to the trouble that I'm always in, always in | |
| Oh, let explain to the trouble that I'm always in, always in | |
| Just compare your day with your awesome day If I just compare my awesome day, the hell I think they are | |
| Just compare your day with your Just compare my awesome day, the your things they are | |
| Buy the life of a thief, buy the life of a thief, away to your | |
| One would like a couple people, and a wonderful me, make a bunch of people, make wonderful things | |
| Oh, let explain to the trouble that I'm always in, always in | |
| Oh, let explain to the trouble that I'm always in, always in | |
| You hear that, Samson? Beautiful. | |
| Beautiful. | |
| Beautiful people and beautiful people, beautiful people and beautiful people | |
| You're hoping that your life has a little bit of a kick to it. | |
| Oh, sorry. | |
| My dear, goodbye. | |
| Your heart has fallen apart if you keep on hoping. | |
| You're hoping that your life has a little bit of a kick to it. | |
| Oh, sorry. | |
| My dear, goodbye. | |
| Your heart has fallen apart if you keep on hoping. | |
| You're hoping that your life has a little bit of a kick to it. | |
| Oh, sorry. | |
| Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn | |
| Goodbye, your heart was full of soul If you keep wanting to be your own | |
| You'll regret your life Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn | |
| Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn Goodbye, your heart was full of soul | |
| If you keep wanting to be your own Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn | |
| Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn Goodbye, your heart was full of soul | |
| If you keep wanting to be your own You'll regret your life | |
| Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn | |
| Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn Goodbye, your heart was full of soul | |
| If you keep wanting to be your own You'll regret your life | |
| Oh father, we're knowing you're begging to turn Goodbye, your heart was full of soul | |
| Here we go. | |
| Hey We'll Get excited! Here we go! | |
| You can't take today's for granted. We'll be there someday. | |
| You can't take today's for granted. We'll be there someday. | |
| Alright man. | |
| I'm gonna go ahead and get started. | |
| Alright. | |
| You think when you got there, you think when you got there, you think when you got there, you think when you got there, | |
| you, you, you. | |
| Up to the Y-B-C, I'm ready to dance. | |
| We are standing by, I hope we shoot there. | |
| I'm wishing, I'm meaning to care. | |
| We are standing by, I hope we shoot there. | |
| I'm wishing, I'm meaning to care. | |
| Come on. | |
| I've thought it all out. | |
| you lie come on i thought it all out it just wouldn't work beautiful | |
| it just isn't done that way you are going oh yeah i guess so | |
| come on is | |
| oh i'd like to kiss | |
| oh life itself | |
| um is | |
| so i want you to get | |
| Gotta get down. | |
| i want you to get down gotta go get, gotta go get | |
| it's a strada it's a strada | |
| do that shit out here it's a strada | |
| melt your mouth oh look, some hearing | |
| what are you doing? | |
| i need six feet of fucking distance i stepped into that door knowing | |
| like there's a little bit of racism here Yeah. | |
| Bye. | |
| Good lord. | |
| Even for me, that was too much. | |
| That doesn't even make sense. | |
| Red Skull here needs some crackers. | |
| Thomas Finnegan with our traffic update. | |
| Tell us what's going on this morning there, Thomas. | |
| That doesn't sound good. | |
| Wow. | |
| Nothing good, Steven. | |
| Nothing good. | |
| What part of the body is this? | |
| I'm not, what? | |
| Quarterback Garrett? | |
| It's around my anus. | |
| I'm not a scientist so I don't know what we need to fight the coronavirus but I'll tell | |
| you what we want. | |
| More Joe Biden coronavirus updates. | |
| It's time for, uh, People at Work! | |
| Let's go check it out! | |
| I'm sorry about this. | |
| This is embarrassing. | |
| I'm sorry about that. | |
| Put on a mask and... Brendan? | |
| We're on the same team, Jongi. | |
| That remote's not working, man. | |
| We live in a COVID quarantine, a COVID quarantine, a COVID quarantine. | |
| Go like milk chocolate, milk chocolate, still alive. | |
| You're on the same team, Jonny. | |
| Go, Alistair! | |
| That remote's not working, man. | |
| Go like milk chocolate, milk chocolate, still alive. | |
| Life-size game. | |
| Coronavirus can flow or it can crash. | |
| Where you from, Schmuckville? | |
| No, don't. | |
| Been 5. | |
| I'd say that's a wrap. | |
| Thanks for watching. | |
| I'll see you next time. | |
| Bye. | |
| Bye. | |
| You're a strange animal, that's what I know... | |
| You're a strange animal, I come to follow... | |
| Come on, come on, come on! | |
| Bring it over here. | |
| All right. | |
| Glad to be with you. | |
| This is the finale. | |
| Are you ready? | |
| If you will. | |
| You don't have to will because it is the finale. | |
| You have no choice. | |
| It is the end of Mug Club. | |
| Use the hashtag Mug Club Quarantine. | |
| The end of Mug Club Quarantine. | |
| Here's that promo code. | |
| The promo code is QUARANTINE. | |
| You get $30 off. | |
| It expires tonight. | |
| We're doing two shows a day. | |
| Good Morning Mug Club. | |
| All that stuff. | |
| We have a great show tonight. | |
| What we're going to do is we are going to... You know how usually you live to tape? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Right. | |
| Late night shows. | |
| This is taped to live. | |
| Because we didn't know when there was going to be a press briefing today. | |
| They said there wasn't going to be one. | |
| It was some meeting with, you know, old people. | |
| But it ended up... | |
| It ended up being a press briefing. | |
| So most of you were at work or doing whatever, you know, violating federal law in public parks. | |
| If you're a mom, perhaps, hopefully you were taken out in zip ties. | |
| So we're going to run it as though it's live so you can watch it with us. | |
| We will then, after that fact check, four hours of CNN. | |
| Ask me why four hours. | |
| Why four hours? | |
| Because we desperately wanted to get a piece of Chris Cuomo. | |
| We prolonged this just for him? | |
| Just for Chris Cuomo. | |
| Because he's always threatening to kick people's asses. | |
| Me first. | |
| Me first. | |
| Please. | |
| I'm in line, Chris Cuomo. | |
| I get the biceps don't hack it. | |
| They don't happen by accident. | |
| You can hit me right on the button and I'm sure that I will fall. | |
| See? | |
| Giving you an offer. | |
| It's open. | |
| If not, I'll take it up with your wife. | |
| Not because she's your wife, but because she is a public figure who offers health advice. | |
| Florox baths. | |
| So we're going to do that. | |
| We have so many guests tonight. | |
| Well, we have four. | |
| But they're big guests. | |
| The best guests. | |
| We have the Don Jr. | |
| Donny, as I call him. | |
| We have Nick DiPaolo. | |
| We have the Hodge twins. | |
| So that's three, but they count as two. | |
| Oh, they do. | |
| That's true. | |
| Unless we're going to the original statute in the Constitution. | |
| What do black people count as? | |
| Four-fifths? | |
| I feel like twelve-eighths. | |
| Three-fifths. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Which is ironic because they're larger than the average white person. | |
| Six-fifths. | |
| Certainly the Hodge twins. | |
| Six-fifths. | |
| Thanks, Wade. | |
| So again, the promo code is QUARANTINE. | |
| Let's bring up the drinking game rules for tonight. | |
| Let's bring up the drinking game rules. | |
| This will help you get through the evening with us. | |
| Or can we do drinking game rules right now? | |
| Oh, drinking game rules. | |
| Okay, there you go. | |
| Every time that President Donald Trump tonight is misrepresented or CNN requires fact-checking, that's where you take a drink along with us. | |
| You should drink some water first. | |
| And of course, we will be... Yeah, no, don't drink any water. | |
| No, this is going to be a long night of drinking. | |
| As well as we'll be doing some giveaways tonight. | |
| A lot of giveaways. | |
| Should I announce it now, or should I announce the main giveaway later? | |
| I think people are going to be excited to hear. | |
| We've been kind of teasing him all day. | |
| Is it a lock of your hair? | |
| Well, he works at a massage parlor, so his mind is always set on teasing. | |
| I'm not going to lie. | |
| So, we'll be giving away props, we'll be giving away merch items that have been used on the air, but the final major giveaway here today is we will fly... is it one or two? | |
| We're going to be flying one selectee winner and a guest with them. | |
| Wow. | |
| So two? | |
| He could have answered two. | |
| This lawyer needs a lawyer. | |
| We get it. | |
| We will be sending two people out here, bringing two people out here, live in studio to be part of our live studio audience. | |
| Which, by the way, it's two benches. | |
| This bench is part of the live studio audience usually, and then we move it from the live audience from there to over here. | |
| Let me show you. | |
| We got the benches. | |
| It's normally there. | |
| So this is the first part of the live audience here, and then what we're sitting in is here. | |
| So you'll come out here, and you'll be like that. | |
| You get to sit in the live stream chair. | |
| You'll be like this. | |
| But no couch. | |
| You'll have to sit in a squat position. | |
| It's amazing. | |
| So you can sit on one of the two casting couches that are here. | |
| Half-Asian Bill is all concerned about the giveaway rules, and then he does that. | |
| He solicits people. | |
| What are you talking about? | |
| There's no ficus or anything in the corner. | |
| We're fine. | |
| So very important, of course, lawyerly rules. | |
| See the official rules for eligibility. | |
| Avoid where prohibited. | |
| And most importantly, no purchase necessary. | |
| But we will be doing, we will be giving these prizes away all day. | |
| Has he been drinking? | |
| Is he drunk already? | |
| He took three shots before the show. | |
| Which, by the way, we'll do that once we start. | |
| We have the Asian Rosé shot. | |
| Good Morning Mug Club. | |
| He looks very Asian. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But then Gibbon, who works here, doesn't. | |
| Like, we all thought he was Italian. | |
| Yeah, he kind of has an Italian accent. | |
| For like six months. | |
| And then Good Morning Mug Club, he was like Red Skull within four minutes. | |
| It was like three sips of beer. | |
| So we're gonna see how it goes tonight, which is unfortunate because he's also our showrunner tonight. | |
| It's like a direct correlation between the show starts this arc here. Yeah, it goes down. That's when you know | |
| I made the spreadsheet. We're good like He said it's pre-made. | |
| We're going to do the first giveaway later, correct? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Okay, good. | |
| So let's do this. | |
| Let's get right to it. | |
| We're going to have Reg the Research Bandit on later to live fact-check CNN. | |
| Boom. | |
| Many of you probably saw some portions of this press conference. | |
| Starts off kind of slow. | |
| I want to warn you guys. | |
| I should introduce everyone, by the way. | |
| Half-Asian Bill Richman is here, my lawyer. | |
| Quarter Black Garrett is there, Audio Wade. | |
| G. Morgan Jr. | |
| is there, Gerald A. Too Cute Maddie is here. | |
| I had a burp throw up because she's so cute, it disgusts me. | |
| You could fit her in your back pocket, and she's cute, and all the tweets are always like, oh, too cute, Maddie, I want to mail order you. | |
| And I don't even think they want to use official postage. | |
| Hopefully the show will go off without a hitch, but because we've been doing these morning shows, if Marissa Tomei's biological clock was going like this, my circadian clock is All over. | |
| I have no idea what time it is because I've been up at 4 a.m. | |
| every single morning. | |
| Eat that, Jocko. | |
| Before, did you take any pictures to post? | |
| No, I don't. | |
| You have to Instagram that. | |
| I'm not that self-important. | |
| I just get things done. | |
| I don't need to talk about it. | |
| Couldn't you just get after it? | |
| Like that time I had one of the Young Turks whacked. | |
| Um, okay, so we're gonna go... Why did you, why would you make it more awkward than it needs to be? | |
| It was delayed. | |
| You're delayed? | |
| I am, yeah. | |
| He's delayed because he's already been drinking. | |
| So Mug Club Quarantine is a hashtag. | |
| We'll be taking your tweets a little bit later, reading them out loud. | |
| Again, remember the drinking game rules? | |
| Every time Trump, uh, owns the media right now, he actually is for this first, during the presser. | |
| What is it called? | |
| It's not a presser. | |
| It's like a briefing. | |
| It was like meeting with the AARP club. | |
| But it turned into a wild bully press. | |
| So anytime Donald Trump owns the media, you drink. | |
| And then after that, afterward, when we have to live fact-check CNN or they misrepresent Donald Trump, you drink. | |
| Audio Wade is here. | |
| I can't see Audio Wade. | |
| He's like Wilson here. | |
| So let's not have another repeat of Wednesday where he was, you know, Mr. Silent Sally over here. | |
| the best phrase that was my equivalent to Barack Obama's we weed up so I just | |
| threw words we we up all right so we got this Let's start playing today's AARP press briefing of Donald Trump and then four hours of fact-checking. | |
| Stay with us because I would like it if you did. | |
| But you don't have to. | |
| Alright, let's get the volume up. | |
| Let me make sure we're getting this up. | |
| This is a horrible start. | |
| I mean, I like the regimented way that they're sitting. | |
| It's like a live guest. | |
| Right. | |
| I hope we see Dr. Birx again. | |
| I cannot hear him at all at this point. | |
| We'll get it fixed in a second. | |
| You know what? | |
| Let's do this then. | |
| Right before we start the presser, let's start the Asian rosacea. | |
| Let's do it. | |
| Do we have an idea for that? | |
| We've got to get Gibbon in here, right? | |
| The camera's live and he's like, oh, I can speak. | |
| I can speak to my loved ones live right now, unfiltered, and he ruins everything. | |
| Almost everything. | |
| You know you're not supposed to speak during intros. | |
| Hey. | |
| Don't look me in the face. | |
| Hey. | |
| Hey. | |
| Steven's right. | |
| Gerbils, come in here. | |
| Gerbils! | |
| Everyone out there, I want you to tweet us. | |
| Who do you think is... Come in here. | |
| Come in here. | |
| If he says come in here, you come in here. | |
| Oh, you're gonna talk on that mic? | |
| Okay. | |
| Alright. | |
| Who do you think is... Who looks more Asian? | |
| Who looks more Asian? | |
| Between him? | |
| Can this go from him? | |
| Yeah, look at... That's the... Over by the wall. | |
| Okay. | |
| Wait. | |
| So who's... He's the only Asian I've ever seen who doesn't know how to work a camera. | |
| Over by the wall. | |
| Apparently he's not the Asian taking the picture. | |
| He's that Asian always flashing the peace symbol at every single monument and fountain. | |
| It is dark in here. | |
| I do not know where the camera is. | |
| It's over there by the chalkboard. | |
| You did Kim. | |
| What about me? | |
| You were just making a De Niro face. | |
| Make that face again. | |
| issues. | |
| Alright. | |
| So what I want to do is... | |
| Wait, wait, wait. | |
| You did Kim. | |
| What about me? | |
| Wait, hold on a second. | |
| You were just making a De Niro face. | |
| Make that face again. | |
| No, that wasn't the face you were making. | |
| Oh, that's not it. | |
| It was like this. | |
| She was going like... | |
| I was in Taxi Driver! | |
| So, who looks more Asian than Kim? | |
| Kim. | |
| Let's go Bill. | |
| We see Bill. | |
| We see Goebbels. | |
| Let's see Goebbels. | |
| Look at that. | |
| He looks Italian or Lebanese. | |
| I wouldn't believe it until I saw the whiskey. | |
| You know, I was born really Asian. | |
| I got more white as I aged. | |
| Really? | |
| That's how it works. | |
| Your hair's not even dark. | |
| I had Asian eyes as a kid. | |
| Really? | |
| Oh yeah, that's right, I saw those pictures. | |
| You were adorable. | |
| Is it racist to say that Asian babies are the cutest, or is that just... No, actually I think it's fact. | |
| I wish that if I could have a small child, when I have children, I would wish that I could somehow pass on some hidden gene for an Asian baby without all the other, you know, horrible traits. | |
| Is that why I'm here? | |
| Wow. | |
| Okay, wait. | |
| So, look. | |
| Look at his picture. | |
| You mean like being good at math and stuff? | |
| No, I don't want to be good at math. | |
| I want to have people skills. | |
| Listen, you're not good at math, you're people skills. | |
| Listen, the good at math and not knowing how to interact, that's what's gotten China in hot water with the rest of the globe right now. | |
| Not just neighboring Asian countries, all over the world right now, China. | |
| There's that photo. | |
| Where's that photo? | |
| Pull that photo back up. | |
| Pull that photo back up. | |
| Pull the photo back up. | |
| You gotta get to sear this in your memory so for later you can see. | |
| And you could also remember that Goebbels looks like a thinner faced Louis C.K. | |
| So don't forget that. | |
| And I look like a slightly fatter Kim Jong Un. | |
| You know what's funny is in this right here, that you look very much like I would picture, you know, a law firm website. | |
| Platt, Richmond, like there's Richmond. | |
| He looks like a lawyer. | |
| And then, uh, Goebbels looks like he's doing a Hollister ad. | |
| It looks like we just caught, but you guys did it in the same room. | |
| I'm just preparing myself to die a little inside with whatever you're gonna say. | |
| I'm okay with the Hollister ad. | |
| Yeah, Hollister ad. | |
| Honestly, that's pretty, that's tame. | |
| And plus, you're generically ethnic, so like, we can tick the box, but you don't intimidate white people. | |
| That's right. | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| People are just like, oh, I feel good about buying these low-cut jeans. | |
| I don't. | |
| Who cares about the pubic bones on the bag as I walk through the food court because I just supported a minority-owned business. | |
| There you go. | |
| He makes me look in that photo like I'm about to say, your honor, my client bleeds, not kills me. | |
| It's a pedophilia, 77 counts. | |
| And your client's name is Sammy the Bull. | |
| That's what it looks like in there. | |
| Alright, what do you got in there, Gerbles? | |
| I'm drinking one of those Belgian-French beers that I can't pronounce. | |
| Belgian-French beers that you can't pronounce. | |
| How do you pronounce it in your native tongue? | |
| Haagen-Dazs! | |
| Right? | |
| Hey, that's Korean. | |
| He's Korean. | |
| Come on! | |
| When did it become racist to say Ching Chong Ching Chong? | |
| Roseanne's got it. | |
| That was Rosie. | |
| I didn't get that memo. | |
| Fat R names. | |
| Rosie and Roseanne. | |
| It's just totally a hoax. | |
| We put that together in China, sent that to you guys, and we're like, we're offended. | |
| Imagine the Chinese people do that with English, like saying all English people like... Right? | |
| That's good. | |
| It's kind of like in France. | |
| They're like... That actually sounds like when my grandparents... When they imitate English? | |
| No, not just imitating English, but when they're like talking shit about me. | |
| Like I know, because they'll be like... Billy. | |
| Failure. | |
| Half-breed! | |
| Why don't they go back to English for 50 years? | |
| All right, so now we are going to go live. | |
| Let's rewind it just a couple of frames here if we can. | |
| Thank you, Goebbels. | |
| We'll check back in with you when you look very much like a red pepper. | |
| Finish that beer. | |
| Yeah, okay. | |
| Here we go. | |
| Hail to the chief! | |
| Bring him up. | |
| Well, thank you very much. | |
| Please. | |
| Look, he heard me. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Mud Club Quarantine. | |
| Hashtag Mud Club Quarantine. | |
| Live fact-checking for four hours after this. | |
| Good guy. | |
| Sign a proclamation declaring the month of May to be Older Americans Month. | |
| I don't know if I'm in that category. | |
| Turn it up a little bit. | |
| I have a feeling I am. | |
| He has a dry voice. | |
| He sounds tired. | |
| I feel good. | |
| He does. | |
| It's been a long time. | |
| And I'm going to try and not talk too much during this portion because I know you guys want to hear it. | |
| We can bring this up post-conference, right? | |
| When we need to. | |
| We're here today to discuss the unprecedented steps that we're taking to protect our seniors from the virus. | |
| I'll also announce vital new actions to safeguard our nursing homes and most vulnerable citizens as we gradually and safely reopen our country and it's very exciting to see what's happening. | |
| We're joined today by Secretary Alex Azar. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Secretary Robert Wilkie. | |
| Robert, thank you very much. | |
| Administrator Seema Verma. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Great job. | |
| Why didn't I get a great job? | |
| He's like a grandmother with Werthers. | |
| You have a great job. | |
| You have a great job. | |
| Bureau General Joseph. He's like a grandmother with Werther's like | |
| Terrible. | |
| Advocates for America seniors who are here with us today. | |
| Thank you all very much as we tragically Yeah. | |
| seen, the virus poses the greatest risk to older Americans. | |
| Together as one nation, we mourn for every precious life that has been lost. | |
| Almost like every virus. | |
| And there have been many. There have been many. We're so saddened by it. Through our | |
| aggressive actions and the devotion of our doctors and nurses, however, we have held | |
| our fatality rate far below hard-hit other countries such as Spain and Italy and United | |
| Kingdom in Sweden. | |
| We're way below other countries. | |
| We're deploying every tool, resource, and power at our disposal to protect our seniors and Americans of every age and background. | |
| Early on, we implemented life-saving travel restrictions and directed billions of dollars toward the development of therapies and vaccines. | |
| He's going to. | |
| He's going to. | |
| He has a Q&A that's rip-off. | |
| We moved at a speed that people are absolutely stunned to see. | |
| We accelerated treatments, including remdesivir, which is reportedly showing encouraging preliminary results. | |
| That was the very big story yesterday. | |
| It was announced by Gilead in early March. | |
| He practiced that word. | |
| Gilead, first name Terry. | |
| First name Terry. | |
| We took action to step up enforcement. | |
| Yeah, what was the law in New York with nursing homes? | |
| I think Reg can probably put that information. | |
| They had a law where they really screwed up, where they basically put them all in nursing homes. | |
| Oh, I think they forced them to take in some people with COVID patients. | |
| Yeah, it was awful in New York. | |
| It was a disaster. | |
| Which, I mean, But that being said, I also kind of understand old people in nursing homes, right? | |
| I mean, you can't take them out and put them in general hospitals, but it was a disaster for New York. | |
| Especially when you look at the numbers, of course, where New York, I think it was 95% of people were over the age of 70. | |
| It's just, it's unfortunate, but it was, God, what a nightmare in New York for old folks' homes. | |
| First they have the syphilis, and then they got the COVID. | |
| The COVID doesn't get you, the clap will. | |
| And we're helping them to live independently. | |
| We dramatically expanded access to telehealth, a very big deal for Medicare beneficiaries. | |
| The number of Medicare patients using telehealth has increased from roughly 11,000 a week to more than 650,000 people a week. | |
| So that's from 11,000 a week to 650,000. | |
| Amazing. | |
| So that's from 11,000 a week to 650,000. | |
| That's almost an impossible number to believe, right? | |
| But it's really, uh, it's really something. | |
| I think that's a drink. | |
| I think that's an ome, right? | |
| You don't believe it, do you? | |
| It's almost an unbelievable number. | |
| And the reason I say that is because you didn't believe it, and you didn't believe it, and you didn't believe it. | |
| You were all equally pieces of unbelieving shit. | |
| needs one. Nobody who's needed a ventilator has been without a ventilator. | |
| I'm surprised that the president doesn't have like an oversized American flag pin | |
| just to be like I'm wearing the largest pin. It's the largest. No president's | |
| worn a pin as large. I'm surprised he's not out there with a novelty hand mitt. | |
| Here's that source from Reg. | |
| Yeah, NBC News. | |
| Yeah, that's right. | |
| They were forced to take recovering patients. | |
| So they were sent back in really before it would have been appropriate to do so. | |
| And I know you guys know most of this stuff, and I think what we can probably do is we can probably skip the other experts before the Q&A, because they're going to repeat what he says. | |
| But this is important, because keep in mind, HuffPo, BuzzFeed, Reddit, which really is just an extension of those at this point, they were saying that Donald Trump was trying to hold people hostage, that he was using lives as a negotiation tactic when he wasn't sending 40,000 ventilators to New York. | |
| They never needed them. | |
| They never needed the 40,000. | |
| They had what they needed. | |
| Other states had what they needed. | |
| And then other countries now are getting ventilators from us. | |
| We've had more than enough. | |
| They wanted you to think that Donald Trump was trying to hold it back from states because he's this tyrannical dictator who wanted people to die. | |
| It's not true. | |
| We have more than enough ventilators, and we've gotten them out quickly. | |
| Right, and for everybody out there on Facebook, we've still got idiots out there texting, tweeting, whatever they're doing on social media, saying, oh, no ventilators for people. | |
| He made a very fine point of it. | |
| Nobody who has needed a ventilator has been denied one. | |
| Period. | |
| End of story. | |
| I don't think we're on Facebook. | |
| We got temporarily banned because we weren't. | |
| There are morons aplenty. | |
| Yeah, we had the gall to run those doctors from Bakersfield who were talking about their 2,000 close patients who they tested and got antibody testing and they said that the lockdown probably wouldn't work, that it had a lower fatality rate than initially projected, and then Facebook removed our stream. | |
| You know, listening to doctors, it's always been just a terrible plan apparently. | |
| Unless it's a doctor who's brilliant, looks like Geppetto without a mustache, and hasn't seen a patient in 20 years. | |
| So you know before when at Tesla they were making additional ventilators, what the media was calling ventilators? | |
| Shit! | |
| What are we doing with Italy? | |
| Well, really, they were making, I think, CPAP machines and similar type machines and giving | |
| them and the hospitals were very thankful. | |
| And someone said, oh, no, you didn't give anything. | |
| And the hospitals were like, no, we did get breathing machines. | |
| And now more recently, you're seeing nurses and other folks who are coming out on social | |
| media raising questions about the continuous use of ventilators because they're a more | |
| extreme version, the pressure they put on the lungs. | |
| Yes, they were saying that CPAPs and those machines like that are actually better if | |
| the patient can breathe on their own in like a pressurized environment, but not nearly | |
| as severe as ventilators. | |
| Now, we have to caveat, because we don't want to get banned, the science isn't totally in now, but there are a lot of people saying that actually we would rather, you know, it's like training wheels before you go to the last resort, right? | |
| You don't want to put them on a ventilator if you can use something that assists with them breathing by themselves. | |
| And a lot of people didn't know what to do in this situation to treat a patient, and so the ventilator was kind of like this catch. | |
| Like, okay, ventilator, ventilator. | |
| But hold on a second, he's back up. | |
| I do want to say, you mentioned the word governor, and we've had a lot of great success in relationship with governors. | |
| He's like an improv guy. | |
| He's like, did someone say, did someone say governor? | |
| Pick a profession. | |
| Doctor! | |
| Horse trainer! | |
| Dentist! | |
| I heard governor. | |
| The Governor at Starbucks. | |
| Oh, okay, there's your latte. | |
| I didn't order a latte. | |
| You're supposed to play along. | |
| It's yes, and. | |
| There's your latte, constituent. | |
| This is tremendous progress. | |
| I don't want to cast dispersions, but you suck at improv. | |
| I'm not as young as you, so... | |
| And we have others coming in. | |
| They'll come in one or two a day and we're seeing them and whatever we can help them with. | |
| Now to be clear folks, the reason we're running this is because I know that we couldn't do it live earlier, otherwise it would have been a seven hour stream. | |
| We want you to see this. | |
| So that then you understand the live fact-checking coverage. | |
| We've been doing this obviously all week, doing two shows a day, where we'll watch these press conferences and go, oh my gosh, I can't believe that this is what Chris Cuomo is saying tonight! | |
| I can't believe that this is what Don Lemon is saying! | |
| We just watched it! | |
| So we want you to experience that. | |
| It's one thing to just watch the press briefing, which is what most conservatives do. | |
| It's another thing to just watch CNN or MSNBC, which is what most leftists do. | |
| We want you to watch the conference with us, for yourselves, and then watch CNN and see how wrong they get it. | |
| Actually, I should go one step further. | |
| They don't get it wrong. | |
| They proactively twist it. | |
| Yeah, they intentionally twist it to fit their worldview. | |
| Most people don't know that. | |
| Speaking of twisted, that guy's face is very asymmetrical. | |
| I think it was the stroke. | |
| Don't make that joke. | |
| The last time we made the joke about Richard Painter, it turned out he had shingles. | |
| He actually had a stroke? | |
| He actually had shingles. | |
| This guy? | |
| You can't do that to us! | |
| Gerald! | |
| We trust you, Bill! | |
| You say it's not a joke. | |
| I'm in the fact-checking... Yeah, it's like my mom. | |
| My mom is French-Canadian. | |
| She doesn't understand. | |
| She'd be like, Stephen, I'm sorry, your father is... He's dead. | |
| I'm like, what? | |
| I'm not... This is... It's so unexpected. | |
| I'm like, Mom, how did he die? | |
| I got you! | |
| It's like, you mean you just lied? | |
| Yeah! | |
| That's funny! | |
| No, it's not! | |
| I thought my biological father had assumed room temperature, Mom! | |
| I know! | |
| And I'm five! | |
| I'm so random! | |
| No! | |
| No, you're a sociopath! | |
| The humor skipped a generation on the mother's side. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| No, she actually has a great sense of humor, but every now and then it gets really dark. | |
| And I think she thinks it's acceptable because we have kind of a dark sense of humor. | |
| So she doesn't realize, like, no, but it needs to come with either a wink and a nod or a twist, you know? | |
| You can't be too good at the story. | |
| The prestige, if you will. | |
| Instead, she just ends up kicking you in the face. | |
| Yeah, and you're like, well, that's not... Get it? | |
| Thanks. | |
| It's not my fault you don't like to laugh. | |
| You don't get joke. | |
| ...have protected our country in the hardest of times. | |
| So are these the experts he was bringing up that you were talking about? | |
| He's the governor of Tennessee. | |
| Oh, governor of Tennessee. | |
| ...a loving legacy of being our neighbors and our friends and our grandparents. | |
| You're the only 10 I see, Wade. | |
| And it's time for us to protect them. | |
| And we should do so by... | |
| pursuing social distancing, for example, in every way that we can with them. | |
| And the distance is sometimes a great goal if I haven't hugged my own | |
| elderly mom in eight weeks. But we're doing right by these citizens, and you're doing right. | |
| He didn't mention his mother-in-law. | |
| By holding on to these citizens to make sure that they, that we do our personal part to make sure that they're safe. | |
| And while valuing our freedoms all at the same time. | |
| So while I think, as a country, we may be hard-pressed on many sides, we are not crushed. | |
| And we are grateful for your leadership and for this team's leadership. | |
| That being said, I do like that he's looking at Donald Trump like, uh... Is this okay? | |
| That's fine, you can say that. | |
| Continue. | |
| He's getting the slight nod. | |
| Look, he's gonna say something complimentary about him and crappy to the media. | |
| As we take steps to safely reopen our country... What did he just say? | |
| He's a great governor, by the way. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I knew it! | |
| Great man. | |
| Great governor, by the way. | |
| Not like that whore in Michigan! | |
| That's what people tell me. | |
| I would never say that. | |
| That's what they tell me. | |
| You see, earlier, whenever he was like, we have a lot of great governors. | |
| Some aren't so great, but that's okay. | |
| That's okay. | |
| You know who I'm talking about. | |
| Very talented. | |
| But it's mostly not okay. | |
| But I'm saying it. | |
| But it's okay, too. | |
| And then sometimes it's not okay. | |
| But then it's also okay. | |
| So there's that. | |
| He loves them as they are. | |
| Terrible. | |
| They really appreciated it. | |
| They really do. | |
| You've done a fantastic job. | |
| Look at it. | |
| So generous with the compliments. | |
| FEMA will send supplemental shipments of personal protective equipment to all 15,400 Medicaid and Medicare-certified nursing homes in America. | |
| Right, babe? | |
| Second, CMS is providing states with 81 million dollars from the CARES Act to finish their inspections of nursing homes at this very critical time. | |
| You have to do that. | |
| That's a spot. | |
| Spot that we have to take care of. | |
| I guess you could call it a little bit of a weak spot because things are happening at the nursing homes and we're not We're not happy about that. | |
| We don't want it to happen, so we're checking that out very carefully and methodically. | |
| This is an example where you never see it in the media. | |
| You hear always these, you know, Trump never cares, he never talks about certain people, certain groups taking care of, you know, the older folks. | |
| But then you hear these statements where he's literally just made an admission that things are not as great as he would have wanted them to be, and taking on a measure of responsibility. | |
| old people because let's be honest if he weren't president he'd see his own | |
| reflection in their pearly dentures right he could be amongst them yeah I | |
| mean it's a bit I mean not with the billions of dollars but you know well | |
| like a really nice one through a baby monitor I mean state scientists resident | |
| and patient advocates family members by the way when he brings the next expert | |
| that will do the first giveaway And then we'll come back with the Q&A. | |
| And then we have Donald Trump Jr. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Huge. | |
| Not quite as huge as him. | |
| you are on the agents for further steps we can take to protect our nation's seniors. | |
| My administration will never waver in its relentless commitment to America's seniors. | |
| We owe them a sacred and unbreakable obligation, and we will fulfill that obligation with every | |
| resource and power that we can. | |
| I'm pretty sure his commitment to American seniors will be twisted as denigrating the young and xenophobic, because he didn't mention, you know, Russian seniors, Icelandic seniors, the young in Denmark. | |
| President Trump doesn't care about the crushing debt seniors are imposing. | |
| I just don't care about seniors. | |
| Oh wow. | |
| He's definitely going to get one of those, didn't mention Puerto Rico, American Guam, American Samoa. | |
| I can already hear their articles being written right now. | |
| You can hear them being written. | |
| Somewhere Tulsi Gabbard is laughing because she's going to pick up those states. | |
| We'll show them the same love and loyalty they've shown us and they've shown our nation every day of their lives. | |
| Sometimes they're a little persnickety though. | |
| Let's be honest. | |
| Let's be honest here. | |
| And I hate the whole OK Boomer thing. | |
| I think we should respect our elders more, obviously. | |
| But talking about the loyalty that seniors show us, where are they going to go? | |
| I'm not going to walk here by myself, not without my daughter across Canada. | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| They're pretty much stationary. | |
| That's why they're so easy to kill. | |
| What you're missing is that he's already campaigning for Florida. | |
| Listen, all of you. | |
| Literally all of you. | |
| We've lost too many of our seniors to this horrible virus, to a horrible social safety net, and gators. | |
| One or two at Epcot. | |
| I don't know why they build those soapbox homes right next to Gator Ponds. | |
| Alright, we're gonna go to the first giveaway here. | |
| So, do we show the commercial first? | |
| Our very first giveaway is actually going to be signed by me, or monogrammed, what's the proper legal term, does it matter? | |
| Personalized. | |
| Personalized props, see if you can guess it, from this exact sketch. | |
| My Little Tupac, My Little Tupac, grab your piece and do rad. | |
| My Little Tupac, My Little Tupac, we know you used to be a theater fag. | |
| My Little Tupac, My Little Tupac, we'll kick it with blunts and crystal. | |
| My Little Tupac, My Little Tupac, let's kill Biggie Smalls. | |
| I love you, My Little Tupac. | |
| My Little Tupac, each sold separately. | |
| All right. | |
| I don't know if you can guess it. | |
| Can you guess it? | |
| I think someone was thinking we're giving a 1911 away. | |
| Hey, how are we giving these away, by the way? | |
| We're going to ship them out. | |
| Are we picking them from Mug Club? | |
| Yeah. | |
| So we've picked them from people, all kinds of folks who signed up for Mug Club. | |
| We also, of course, no purchase necessary. | |
| We had alternate entries as well. | |
| Picked those at random. | |
| All the people who are supporting. | |
| The show, literally, the people who are making this happen without Mug Club could not happen. | |
| So we dug deep into the prop house so we can fuzzily show you a little Tupac. | |
| My Little Tupac by Hasbro. | |
| This is why I went to law school, right here. | |
| right here. | |
| Right here. | |
| Right here. | |
| See what I did there? | |
| That's good. | |
| Oh boy. | |
| Guys, he found the camera. | |
| There he is. | |
| There he is. | |
| He found the camera. | |
| Can you see me, Dad? | |
| The little hidden camera. | |
| I'm going to put this on the... I don't want to do it because people will say that's a hate crime. | |
| That's true. | |
| I thought we were going to do the winner later. | |
| Let me show the winner. | |
| Who's the winner, Michael? | |
| Michael H. from California. | |
| Should we be saying his name in the city? | |
| I don't know. | |
| We doxxed you, Mike. | |
| OJ might show up for his memorabilia. | |
| My little Tupac with my ideas, son. | |
| I'm not saying I stole it, but if I did... | |
| By the way, how do you feel about killing? | |
| All right, all right. | |
| We'll go back now live to the Trump press. | |
| We're going to go to the question and answer portion because you don't need to see the other folks. | |
| You just want to see the Don. | |
| That's right. | |
| We might venture into different territory also, I think. | |
| John, please. | |
| I guess. | |
| Not a wise one, but it's... We could venture straight into other territory. | |
| The Vice President said just a short time ago he believes that General Michael Flynn may have unintentionally lied to him or misspoken when he talked to him and did not include his meeting with the Russian ambassador to the United States. | |
| Do you believe that General Flynn may have unintentionally Well, I really have to talk to the Vice President, but I'll tell you what, General Flynn was under enormous pressure, and it was an artificial pressure, because what they did to General Flynn was a disgrace. | |
| It was a total disgrace. | |
| It's shocking. | |
| And I hear even more information came out today. | |
| What they tried to do to destroy him and to hurt this presidency was, perhaps in our country's history, there's never been anything like it. | |
| An absolute disgrace. | |
| Perhaps. | |
| But I'll rely on what the Vice President said. | |
| I can say this, and I think you understand this, John, very well. | |
| What happened to General Flynn should never happen again to a citizen of this country. | |
| Yes, please. | |
| I consider that a media frame. | |
| They're not six feet apart. | |
| Where are their masks? | |
| I wouldn't be six feet apart if she was the reporter in question. | |
| Or Dr. Birx. | |
| It's not those groups. | |
| So you were gay happy! | |
| I don't like roots. | |
| Overrated. | |
| You see this? | |
| You see this right here? | |
| He's in a uniform. | |
| But he'd have to use that power if he's exonerated. | |
| Overrated. | |
| I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. | |
| What they did, what they wrote, you see this, General, you wouldn't want this happening | |
| to you, what they did to General Flynn. | |
| You see this? | |
| You see this right here? | |
| It's just dispassionate. | |
| He's in a uniform. | |
| So, you know, I guess we'll get to that maybe someday or maybe not. | |
| Hopefully we won't have to get there. | |
| So what do you think is bringing him back into your administration? | |
| Well I think he's a fine man. | |
| I think it's terrible what they did to him. | |
| It's something that nobody's asked me, but you're asking me for the first time. | |
| I would certainly consider it. | |
| Yeah, I would. | |
| I think he's a fine man. | |
| I think he's got a great family. | |
| He loves his son. | |
| And you can just hear right now another part of their bogus Russia probe just unraveling. | |
| Right now, Don Lemon's going, but I needed that! | |
| And Donald Trump's just the cat with the ball of yarn. | |
| Oh, good. | |
| I might rehire Flynn. | |
| No! | |
| In what capacity would you bring him back? | |
| Well, look, I mean, I'm not even, this is really the first time I've been asked the question, but I think he'll be fully exonerated one way or the other. | |
| And so certainly he'd be capable of coming back. | |
| He suffered greatly. | |
| And I'll be asking Donald Trump Jr. | |
| about Flynn. | |
| Obviously, I think the question everyone wants answered is, why did he plead guilty? | |
| Could you lift that up a little bit? | |
| Your son-in-law, one of your top advisors, Jared Kushner, yesterday said the government's response has been a quote, great success story. | |
| Is that the right tone and message at a moment when people are still dying? | |
| Other things that I talk about in my speech today, that I speak about all the time, and that's death. | |
| You think it's success when people have died? | |
| Yes. | |
| When it's 60,000 instead of 2.2 million, like you guys quoted? | |
| I'd call that a success. | |
| When? | |
| Doesn't mean that deaths are a note of success, they're not a metric of success, but the lives saved, yes. | |
| And the world has suffered greatly. | |
| But what Jared was talking about, and what I talk about a lot, is no, I don't think anybody's done the job that we've done, other than at Public Relations, because the press just won't talk about the facts. | |
| A ventilator problem that was caused by the fact that we weren't left ventilators by a previous administration. | |
| The cupboards were bare, as I say often. | |
| And unnamed. | |
| Unnamed. | |
| And I know you're out there thinking, was it Grover Cleveland's first or second administration? | |
| Listen, I don't want to cast dispersions, but the covers were left bare. | |
| And it wasn't William Taft, okay? | |
| I know some of you are thinking, McKinley? | |
| No. | |
| Hoover! | |
| I don't know if there's a Hoover. | |
| I don't think there's a Hoover. | |
| Presidency? | |
| Yeah. | |
| No, he's fake. | |
| He's fake. | |
| Wow. | |
| No, he's not fake. | |
| Let's dig into that. | |
| Come on, let's dig into that. | |
| He's looking a little pink on screen. | |
| He is looking a little red. | |
| He called me to talk about South Korea. | |
| They've done a really good job, but he said, what a job you've done. | |
| This is a much bigger country, you understand. | |
| You mean you're changing the denominator? | |
| Basic masks! | |
| You know we had a talk with some country today. | |
| Listen, listen, I don't like you, okay? | |
| All of the things, we've solved every problem, we solved it quickly. | |
| But to think that now we're giving thousands of ventilators to other countries, allies | |
| and other than allies, to be honest. | |
| You know we had a talk with some country today. | |
| Listen, listen, I don't like you, okay? | |
| But I'll send you some CPAP. | |
| I want you to know that I'll remember this. | |
| I do not like you, Egypt. | |
| I farted on one out of a thousand. | |
| You're never going to know which one. | |
| Good luck! | |
| But I will give you one more chance, Egypt. | |
| They were building cars and other things, and now we're building thousands a week. | |
| It's funny because the fart in a CPAP, it would have to be so directional. | |
| No, what's great about it is, then they put the mask on and it's just like... In Egypt, I assume that's how they talk. | |
| That's something, yeah. | |
| A good Egyptian. | |
| The Armenian people are really very, very strong. | |
| We're very proud of the job we've done. | |
| We had very little to work with because the previous administration left us very... Ooh, that one was important. | |
| Drink the previous. | |
| Not the indefinite article. | |
| Yeah, that was great. | |
| Well, I need it, and I sign it, and we do have executive orders, and they help us a lot, and they've helped us a very lot here. | |
| We also sign things having to do with production, as you know. | |
| I've used that very, very powerfully, the Act. | |
| You don't look very pink. | |
| No, I just wanted to say I'm kicking your red ass. | |
| sister. No sister to or brainpower or what you don't look very big. | |
| Yeah, I just wanted to say I'm kicking your red ass. That's true. Let me see. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Same camera. I don't know. | |
| It does make a difference. | |
| I don't know. | |
| We'll have you come back in once you've gotten a little more liquor in you. | |
| It couldn't have been me because I'm that Asian that doesn't know how to use cameras. | |
| Alright, I know I told you to drink responsibly tonight, now drink very responsibly. | |
| One, you can take an Uber home. | |
| Two, I'm drinking whiskey. | |
| What are you drinking? | |
| I gotta move up to whiskey. | |
| Oh really? | |
| Alright, we'll check back in with our Asian rosacea afterwards. | |
| I want to see lobster next. | |
| I will say this. | |
| Governor Murphy and Governor Cuomo have a tougher situation because that's really a hotbed. | |
| That's a very, very dense area. | |
| People don't realize. | |
| I think New Jersey, believe it or not, is the single most dense area in the country. | |
| Who would think that? | |
| Really? | |
| Because who wants to be New Jersey? | |
| And I didn't know that there was enough room left since Kevin Smith lives there. | |
| working very very hard and I didn't know that there was enough room left since | |
| Kevin Smith lives there. But it's so quiet. | |
| It's because my fat joke landed flat. | |
| Oh. | |
| He's lost weight. | |
| What's the question? | |
| I think the operation is doing really well. | |
| I think that things are being discovered that you wouldn't have thought possible. | |
| The Abbott machine, Abbott Laboratories, a great, great scientific company, they came | |
| up with a machine that I would say two months ago nobody ever heard of this machine. | |
| And all of a sudden, boom, people come into my office, they get tested, it takes them | |
| five minutes and they feel very good. | |
| of them have never been tested. | |
| How much do you want to bet that every time someone comes into his office and gets tested that Donald, President Donald Trump actually goes, boom! | |
| Boom! | |
| Tested! | |
| at a bath. | |
| Boom! | |
| Matt, Charlie Brushhead, Matt, he's fine. | |
| Randy. | |
| And we're over six million tests. | |
| And you know that when the president gets within 100 years. | |
| How much do you want to bet that every time someone comes into his office and gets tested | |
| that Donald, President Donald Trump actually goes, boom, boom, tested, boom, tested. | |
| Unbelievable work. | |
| And when somebody uses the word successful, I mean, it really has been successful. | |
| It's been very successful. | |
| But if you look at mortality and mortality rates, you know, this country, it's a very sad thing to be talking about. | |
| Whoever thought you'd be talking about such a thing two months ago was... All we talked about was the economy. | |
| Sounds very Jewish when he says that. | |
| Whoever thought you'd be talking about such a thing? | |
| Yes, President Trump, all the press talked about was how good the economy was doing. | |
| I love how he forces their hand with that, like, you probably know this, I know you know this, and so people don't want to seem like an idiot, so like, mm-hmm, I do know this, you probably know this, we had the best economy ever, mm-hmm, wait, nope, but the camera's off them. | |
| Remember when that was all we were talking about? | |
| Well, China doesn't want to see me elected. And the reason is that we're getting billions and | |
| billions of dollars, many billions of dollars a month from China. China never gave our country | |
| anything. China gave us nothing, not 10 cents. And whether it was Biden in charge of China, | |
| which was a joke because he ripped off, they ripped off our country for eight years. | |
| And in all fairness to Biden and Obama, this went on long before they got into office. | |
| You can go through many administrations until I came along. | |
| Then we signed a trade deal where they're supposed to buy, and they've been buying a lot actually, but that now becomes secondary to what took place with the virus. | |
| The virus situation is just not acceptable. | |
| Like a father with a child. | |
| I'm not mad. | |
| They would take this country for a ride like you've never seen before. | |
| They would take this country for a ride like you've never seen before. | |
| Oh, I don't want to catch dispersions, but sleepy Joe Biden. | |
| Unemployment numbers coming out today. 30 million now unemployed. | |
| Have you given any thought to possibly extending? | |
| Yeah, the press is really taking the mask rule seriously. | |
| Look how much crap they gave Pence. | |
| The one guy has it under his chin like it's a clamshell. | |
| And the other one has it like it's Bing Crosby's pipe down to the right on her neck. | |
| Like, just stylishly asymmetrical. | |
| The guy has it just loose right here. | |
| It's full of cheez-its. | |
| It's like a horse feeder. | |
| A horse feeder. | |
| And then I think the fourth quarter is going to be incredibly successful. | |
| I think next year we're going to have a phenomenal year, economically. | |
| But only if you elect him. | |
| Mr. President, Mr. President. | |
| The thing is, that's true. | |
| It is true, yeah. | |
| Do you hold President Xi Jinping responsible for misinformation? | |
| Well, I don't want to say that. | |
| I don't want to say that. | |
| But I do. | |
| Certainly, it could have been stopped. | |
| It came out of China, and it could have been stopped. | |
| I don't want to say that. | |
| I don't want to say that. | |
| But I'm going to say it anyways. | |
| Mr. President, I want to, but I will. | |
| Oh, this will be interesting for the Bill Gates. | |
| By the way, we're fact-checking CNN. | |
| We're doing this because we have to, but CNN for four hours afterward. | |
| An hour of it is a Bill Gates town hall. | |
| Considering that he is the biggest donor to the World Health Organization outside of the United States. | |
| The United States, the country, and then Bill Gates, the person. | |
| And he's been saying that China's been doing a fantastic job. | |
| They've done almost everything right in comparison to the United States. | |
| It'll be really interesting to see that town hall. | |
| Also, I think he's evil. | |
| Bill. | |
| Bill Gates is evil, right? | |
| Yeah, Bill Gates. | |
| I don't throw that around. | |
| I'm not the QAnon conspiracy person. | |
| But I get the sense that if someone was really pulling evil strings behind the scenes, it's the guy who supports population control and thinks that China has it right. | |
| And he's got the money. | |
| That's true. | |
| And wants to basically put tattoo chips into children to see if they've been vaccinated. | |
| It's a dye. | |
| What do they call it? | |
| They don't want to use the term chip. | |
| But it's basically a dye tattoo that you would put under the skin that allows governments to know if children have had their vaccinations. | |
| And then when people say, oh, he wants to microchip, people are like, oh, fact check! | |
| Snopes, it's not a microchip. | |
| What would you call it? | |
| Yeah, something. | |
| It's a tattoo that's under the skin that is scanned so you know people's whereabouts. | |
| And he wants to contact trace that way. | |
| I'm not worried. | |
| Have you seen Internet Explorer before? | |
| Never works. | |
| Literally, not worried about it. | |
| it yeah hold on exactly I think you should respond 48 seconds last time we | |
| Yeah. | |
| Drink! | |
| And there is such a thing. | |
| Be a little faster on the ding button. | |
| He's drunk already. | |
| If you look at Brett Kavanaugh, this is an outstanding man. | |
| He was falsely charged. | |
| What happened with him was an absolute disgrace to our country. | |
| That must bother your lawyer. | |
| He was falsely accused. | |
| He just said charged. | |
| He was falsely arraigned, wrongfully had bail set, and was incorrectly judged by a jury of his three years. | |
| He was wrongfully selected for the Hunger Games. | |
| He said, frankly, he shouldn't have volunteered as tribute. | |
| I would never volunteer this tribute, but that's what he that's the kind of guy Brett Kavanaugh is | |
| Beer on two beers Hunger games on | |
| Hey, it's jesus. All right. Okay. Let's we're supposed to be watching this live | |
| But we do have when donald trump jr. Calls and he steps you answer the problem | |
| Is he there okay, let's pause it real quick. Mr. Donald trump jr. Are you there? Can you hear us sir? | |
| I can, I'm here, I'm listening and I was about to hang up. | |
| There was a little bit too much trope impersonating going on. | |
| You know it's kind of weird because we're watching your father right now and then it's a very similar face but on the brawny man shirt. | |
| I'm like the lumberjack version of Trump. | |
| Well you know you pull it off well actually the two weeks in quarantine I have like a weird Tiger Army rockabilly hairdo and my wife won't have sex with me it's a really Yes, not that much. | |
| Thank you for outing me, Donald Trump Jr. | |
| Okay, so listen, I don't know how much you know what we're doing, but because obviously the press briefing wasn't, but it turned into a press briefing, and a wonderful one, by the way, a lot of people missed it because it happened earlier in the day. | |
| We've been doing this, you know, we've been doing two shows every day for the month of quarantine, and we've watched all the briefings, and then we've all been pulling our hair out watching CNN afterward, going, I can't believe they're painting it this way. | |
| So today we're watching this as though it's live, even though it was earlier, so that most people can see it for themselves, and then live fact-checking CNN for four hours. | |
| Let me ask you this, Donald Trump Jr., do you prefer Mr. | |
| Jr., Mr. Trump Jr.? | |
| Yes. | |
| Okay. | |
| I'm down. | |
| Just Don. | |
| Alright, Don. | |
| Don, your family lived in New York, obviously, and you had to play nice with both the right and the left for a very long time, and I know that you used to appear on CNN, and so did your dad. | |
| How would you describe that transition now, in the way that they've treated him, and how you view the media, considering you were such a big part of it with such big shows for so long? | |
| I've been a conservative my whole life, so that was always a little bit of an interesting navigation. | |
| That said, I'll be candid. | |
| The first political fundraising thing I ever did was for Andrew Cuomo when he was running for AG back in the day. | |
| Again, when you're a real estate developer, the Attorney General signs off on offering plans on anything that you're going to do to get building, so you do have to Play that game. | |
| I think it's why my father was well-suited to kind of jump into that system because he knows exactly how it works Right, uh, you know and so many people don't you know, this is not a pure system by any Any means right, you know watching it now. | |
| I mean I did CNN because You know, I think they were at least Somewhat fair to us, you know back before my father won | |
| because they wanted him to be the nominee because he was the path of least | |
| resistance for crooked Yeah, so it wasn't like they were being you know, honest or | |
| they were being magnanimous or that they were being, you know, impartial or you know | |
| Bipartisan they were hoping to get Trump there so that she could destroy him | |
| You know, what's funny I? | |
| First off, I love that you refer to your father by his last name. | |
| You're like Don Trump. | |
| You're the white Don King. | |
| Magnanimous, outrageous, lascivious, contagious! | |
| All right, so switching gears here, because you've been on Twitter, I've been following you, and you've really been on the Michael Flynn thing. | |
| I want to ask you, why are the handwritten notes in the documents that were released yesterday, why are they so important, and what does it tell us about, or what should people see in there about the motives behind Flynn? | |
| Because it seems like a really, it's a really complicated story to a lot of people, so if you can distill it for them. | |
| Honestly, you know, this is basically the first time I've said it sort of on public. | |
| I'm pretty loud anyway. | |
| I take a position on a lot of stuff. | |
| I get pretty aggressive, and I don't sort of toe the line. | |
| I sort of usually fly across it. | |
| And Michael Flynn is probably the one issue that I've actually been reasonably quiet on until I saw this stuff starting to come out. | |
| Meaning for the last few years, it's one of my biggest regrets, frankly, of the last few years. | |
| And it's because even me, Who's been on the receiving end of that bullshit? | |
| Meaning, you know, I was the number two target of the Mueller investigation. | |
| I don't think anyone's contesting that. | |
| Right. | |
| I played it a little differently. | |
| I was a little bit more aggressive. | |
| I did everything my lawyers told me not to do. | |
| I was loud. | |
| I went on TV. | |
| I fought back. | |
| I taught shit. | |
| My lawyers were like, you're killing us here. | |
| And then two years later, they actually said you were right. | |
| They go, Don, you know what, you were actually right because the other side had no intention of trying to get to the truth. | |
| Right. | |
| It was always about that. | |
| So by you fighting back, you sort of put yourself in a position where they were meaning I could have rolled over and died and they would have shown me exactly zero quarter. | |
| right now and that's what a lot of us to do a much better job of that and you | |
| know the right uh... the right is that there is a growing over a diet | |
| at the first side of a little bit of resistance and you know i think that's | |
| what my father's been able to get through some of those things so that | |
| they were correct with what it was not taking a stronger position in favor of him | |
| Now, I knew they did it. | |
| I knew what they tried to do to me. | |
| I got a little bit luckier in whatever it was, whether it was strategy, willingness to push back, ability to pay insane amounts of legal fees, whatever it may be. | |
| But when I see what happened now, I say, man, even me, even with that experience, I still had a hard time Believing and reconciling that these guys could be that crooked, that they could go so far out of their way to set up a guy that is... Meaning, there has to be truth to this thing. | |
| There has to be something there, and that's why I don't want to go all in on this issue. | |
| And now I'm seeing those notes, and it's like, what do we try to get? | |
| What's the objective? | |
| To try to get him to lie so we can fire him? | |
| Get him to lie so we can try to kill Trump? | |
| Get him to do this? | |
| I mean, the only objective they had no interest in was Truth! | |
| It had nothing to do with the truth. | |
| It was all a setup. | |
| Now, again, you saw that from the page, Rockstuff. | |
| You saw it from Brennan, who can lie in front of Congress and Comey and all of these sanctimonious assholes. | |
| You see that? | |
| No, come on. | |
| I'm amazed. | |
| He's always silent, as sanctimonious as he is. | |
| He's been pretty quiet. | |
| And the fact that these guys aren't in jail when we start seeing what's coming out now. | |
| And by the way, what I can only imagine will come out in the next few weeks as they start to release these things. | |
| But what I want to know is, for the last few years, The FBI has been sitting on these things, knowing it's there, knowing it's exculpatory evidence, not giving it to Flynn's legal team. | |
| Basically, if it wasn't for his legal team being aggressive and being like, wait a second, there's gotta be more to this, and pushing and pushing and pushing, this guy would have signed his life away because presumably they went after his kid like they did to me. | |
| Trying to hurt my father. | |
| I mean, it was a very similar deal, and I wish I would have been more aggressive about it, but it was even hard for me as just a reasonable American to assume that these people could be such corrupt people. | |
| Let me ask you this. | |
| Do you think it was hard for you as well? | |
| Because unlike yourself, Flynn effectively admitted guilt. | |
| But that's my point, you know, because he was, now again, whether he was railroaded, whatever it was he was doing, you know, they tried making him seem like a bad actor, because, you know, he was a general for 30 years, and he gave a speech in Turkey, and they paid him, ooh, like, I don't know, you know, again, if you're that guy, you know, you work your life, now you have an ability to do that, like, it was nothing wrong with it, but they made it seem like it was so wrong, that I was like, man, I don't know if I can jump in on this, like, Uh, it's, it's just, it's truly disgusting. | |
| It's really disheartening. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And again, this is not a reflection on the door kickers at the FBI. | |
| I always got to make that clear because then, you know, CNN runs the guy, Donald Trump doing your hates agents. | |
| I don't hate agents. | |
| I hate the guys that don't carry guns. | |
| Right. | |
| Bureaucrats at the top, the guys that got there by Being the biggest dipshit, uh, not the door kickers. | |
| Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, Don Jr. | |
| I mean this, you are like the, uh, the Kim Jong Un to your dad's Kim, but I mean that in the best way. | |
| Like, you are all the good parts of your dad, except Kim Jong Il had no redeeming qualities, don't get me wrong, but you are like turned up to an 11 in that you're like, you know what? | |
| I don't really care. | |
| I don't really need to be appreciated by the media. | |
| I, please run. | |
| I'm not a politician. | |
| I don't have to play in that game. | |
| I'm not in the White House. | |
| I can say what so many of us are actually thinking, and I just don't care if they try to cancel me. | |
| They've been trying to throw me in jail. | |
| Getting canceled is the least of my concerns. | |
| Although in jail, getting cancelled is a euphemism for what happens with your bunkmates, so I would still keep your head on a swivel. | |
| But I tell you what, I would chop off my arms and legs. | |
| I would just be nubbling on the show if you were to run for governor of Michigan and kick that Whitmer out. | |
| That is a fight that I would so love to see. | |
| I know it's one of those matchups like a gorilla versus a grizzly bear, but oh my god, that's a dream of mine. | |
| I don't know if it'd be that tough, especially, you know, I think she could have done a lot more for me. | |
| Well, no, there's a difference, right? | |
| You know, it'd be one thing if it was She probably made every bad decision for Michigan because she wasn't worried about Michigan. | |
| She was running for VP for the last two months. | |
| So every TV appearance, everything that she could do to try to attack Trump, the only thing she forgot about was her constituency. | |
| Minor details if you're the governor. | |
| So I'm not that worried about it, but the reality is I would love her to be the VP pick because you just have a case after case of literally ignoring the people It is her job to take care of so that she could either bolster Joe Biden. | |
| I mean, the amount of stories that I'm hearing about people that they couldn't get PPP in Michigan because she didn't take the declaration seriously. | |
| So they got in line two weeks behind literally 350 million other Americans that were buying for the same stuff and lost out. | |
| I mean, she's done a major disservice to the people of her state just being a partisan hack. | |
| Oh yeah, she's been absolutely terrible. | |
| Let me ask you this. | |
| I know you're busy and we're late. | |
| I'm not busy at all, actually. | |
| It looks like you had a question. | |
| It looks like you had a question. | |
| Grab a bill. | |
| So, you know, you've been a long time businessman, not only in the areas of real estate, but | |
| the businesses that are served by commercial real estate, not only in the city of New York, | |
| but in the state and around the country. | |
| What type of message do you have for those folks who are sitting there right now? | |
| You have tenants, you have workers of tenants, restaurant workers, businesses who are saying, we need to get back to work. | |
| And it's not a partisan thing. | |
| He knows his own resume. | |
| That's true. | |
| What do you have as a message for those folks? | |
| Hey, no one wants to get back to work more than me, you know, and I'm in that world. | |
| I mean, we're in hospitality. | |
| You know, you have an 800 room hotel with two people staying in there. | |
| Let me get, it's just not a good business model. | |
| Right. | |
| You know, I want to get back to work, but it's not just to make money for me. | |
| I also want to put the people that have been our employees, people who've been, you know, we've had to have some really tough conversations over the last few months. | |
| I want to get them back to work. | |
| But you saw, I mean, the partisan hackery. | |
| So we are a hotel company. | |
| We were specifically excluded from being able to take advantage of any of the funds or any of the programs that literally any other hotelier in America could take advantage of. | |
| It wasn't like my father was negotiating in favor of hotels and trying to get something for us, but the Democrats carved us out of that. | |
| So Jay Pritzker, who's the governor of Illinois but happens to own Hyatt Hotels, No problem. | |
| There's nothing to see here. | |
| Right. | |
| You know, so they did that fake thing where it's like, well, we'll carve out members of Congress, members of Congress who have no other businesses, no other this, you know, because they're just trying to hurt Trump. | |
| Now, it's not going to hurt me. | |
| It's going to hurt the thousands of people we actually employ because we do actually employ real people. | |
| Right. | |
| I mean, we have stuff in New York. | |
| Chuck Schumer is probably hurting some of his voters. | |
| yes constituents by literally trying to penalize trump because that's what | |
| Yeah. | |
| you gotta do so you know it it's a it's a sad world in which we've been | |
| we do have to get back to work that we have to do this a way i'm not downplay | |
| severity of some of this thing | |
| especially in certain areas right right i mean we are cities the epicenter of | |
| you know outside of who hung new york city is the american at the center | |
| Now, that could have been California, that could have been Washington. | |
| New York City got it worse, or whatever it may be. | |
| I don't think that should start off the same. | |
| Now, I have a cabin in upstate New York. | |
| I know a lot of people there. | |
| They don't know anyone who's had it, anyone who's brought it. | |
| They don't know of a single case, but they also are shut down. | |
| They're two and a half hours outside of the city. | |
| Well, you know, I don't think you have to hold them to the same stand that you do New York City. | |
| Now, you maybe encourage people from New York City who are sick, don't go there. | |
| Don't bring it with you there. | |
| But like, you know, it's not even a state-by-state solution. | |
| And I think my father's been really good about sort of saying, hey, you know, I believe in the Constitution. | |
| I believe in sort of federalism. | |
| We're going to let the governors decide for their states. | |
| But the governors probably also can't decide city-by-city. | |
| They've got to look at these things. | |
| You know, it's not one state. | |
| You could open all of upstate New York and probably not add any fuel to the fire. | |
| Now, I don't know if you're there yet for New York City, but, you know, we got to start making those decisions. | |
| It's going to be a point of return where you don't come back from. | |
| And it's a little scary now watching the Democrats petition for bailouts. | |
| Not for anything that it relates to COVID-19, but for literally stupid and reckless spending decisions over decades. | |
| It's like, how's our change? | |
| Yeah, they held up the small business stimulus right when they wanted to get their little earmarks in, and now they cannot beg for the money fast enough for their states. | |
| And actually your father taught, we didn't get there because this is taped to live, where he talked about, I think I love your dad, he said, now the Republican governors, he said, they're not asking for bailouts. | |
| You can call it luck or talent. | |
| Or maybe it's just a different rate, maybe it's just a different frame of mind. | |
| It's not a spent spending bill, they didn't spend 50 times more than they earned or could | |
| possibly... but that's the reality. | |
| You know, hey, as Clyburn said, we're never going to let a good crisis go to waste, so | |
| the left will definitely try to make up for decades of mismanagement and misspending. | |
| I think that's an important note, by the way, because that state equivalency is very similar to what we talked about, you know, comparing sort of the Obama stimulus versus what happened right now, you know, with the COVID-19, right? | |
| Effectively, the federal government stepped in. | |
| And in the absence of data, rightfully so, I said, hey, listen, we need to stop things | |
| right now. | |
| We need people to slow down. | |
| That was the government intervening, and so it's the government's responsibility to make | |
| sure that these businesses can stay afloat. | |
| That's not the same as bailing out American Airlines for the umpteenth time because they | |
| spent money irresponsibly, and people need to draw that delineation between Texas and | |
| California. | |
| Hey, we're shutting you down. | |
| But you can't do that Hey, as a landlord, if I say, hey, I'm shutting you down, or if I'm a tenant, I'm saying, well, you can't just say, I'm going to force these situations on you, and then congratulations, you're on your own. | |
| You can't do that. | |
| But, you know, and again, you know, even some of the states that have done that to us, we can't take advantage of it because we're Trump, but we're always going to be held to a different standard. | |
| Because, you know, that's the nature of the political game, but it's only a political | |
| game not because of any logical reason. | |
| Right. | |
| Can I ask you one question? | |
| So one thing I will say that does, like you said, none of us are saying the virus, just | |
| like your dad didn't, the president did not say the virus was a hoax. | |
| He was talking about the media trying to lay the blame at his feet as a hoax and of course | |
| doing the bidding for China. | |
| But one thing I do wonder, you know, especially considering the antibody testing that is coming | |
| out now, and even Cuomo himself, I believe, saying that the mortality rate is revised | |
| to 0.5% and likely lower for young people. | |
| When do you think we'll start seeing some of those revised numbers in these press conferences? | |
| Because I'm always, I hate to say it, but slightly disappointed that that info isn't getting out to more Americans because it's important for them to know. | |
| A lot of them still may think that it's a 4% mortality rate and we know it's not. | |
| It's a really good point. | |
| I've been saying that. | |
| I think the reality is that, you know, they're sort of figuring this out now. | |
| I mean, some of these things I'm seeing back in New York, you know, 20% of people have it. | |
| I was like, well, you know, 20% it's a lot different. | |
| 20% of New York with 13 million people or whatever it is. | |
| You know, so millions have it. | |
| You're right. | |
| It's significantly, you know, more negligible. | |
| And then you have the cases. | |
| Well, hospitals are getting paid more money if someone dies of COVID. | |
| So it's like, that guy was hit by a bus, but looks like COVID! | |
| Looks like COVID. | |
| Let's, you know, let's just, you know, I want to, you know, what's going to be the interesting statistic is going to be what happens, Steven, at the end of the year when we find out how few people actually died of the regular flu? | |
| Because I have a feeling I have a feeling the flu statistics will go to virtually zero. | |
| Trump will not get credit for that. | |
| Right. | |
| But I have a feeling that flu will go virtually to zero to bolster these numbers. | |
| So the whole thing... It already has, actually. | |
| We covered that on the show. | |
| It already has. | |
| The last couple of months, not exactly zero, but the flu deaths have gone down drastically, right? | |
| And because they're all being registered as COVID-19. | |
| And some people try to argue, well, that's because of social distancing. | |
| It would have long been before social distancing could have had an effect because of that rubber band effect. | |
| So it's already happening. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The reality, listen, in the areas that, I don't know that anyone got bombarded as badly as they were possibly anticipating it. | |
| Don't forget, no one's talking about the success story that Donald Trump has had because they said two million people were gonna die and we're at, what, 140th of that? | |
| Whatever the exact math is, but I think they've done an amazing job. | |
| They won't talk about that. | |
| They won't talk about Donald Trump in January 28th said, hey, This probably makes sense. | |
| Let's shut down travel from the epicenter of the outbreak. | |
| Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, that's racist. | |
| It's premature. | |
| It's too aggressive. | |
| If you're looking out for your people, isn't that literally the number one thing you could do as a doctor? | |
| Hold on, Donald Jr. | |
| The Don Jr., if I may. | |
| Nancy Pelosi and de Blasio were shooting videos, TikToks, like the famous nurses now, From Chinatown, encouraging people to eat out in Chinatown. | |
| Now, I don't know exactly what it's like in New York or San Francisco, but I'm from Montreal, where we have one hell of a Chinatown. | |
| I wouldn't eat out in Chinatown when there isn't a pandemic. | |
| If I eat and comment on that, I will be, you know, they will have to cancel. | |
| Way to lay a landmine. | |
| But that's the point. | |
| about it. | |
| No, no, no. | |
| To be clear, Donald Trump Jr. loves his General Tso's chicken, okay? | |
| We're all very clear on this. | |
| I'm just saying, you know, like Chinatown, Montreal, Chinatown, put your stuff in the | |
| refrigerator. | |
| It would be nice every now and then. | |
| But that's the point. | |
| So it's the, that Donald Trump can take probably the action that's certainly slow to flatten | |
| the curve better than anything we could have done while we were preparing for potentially | |
| That never quite happened the way it did in certain areas, but not certainly what they were predicting, right? | |
| Two million deaths is, you know, it's a big difference than where we are. | |
| Not one of these, again, should happen if China was honest. | |
| If China spent more time and more money trying to feed their people rather than stealing our military technology, If they did a little bit of that, maybe people wouldn't have to eat bat. | |
| And if people weren't eating bat, maybe they would. | |
| You know, these are minor details that no one's willing to say. | |
| Eating bat is not a minor detail! | |
| That's one hell of a detail. | |
| People worrying about trying to save face, look powerful in front of the world. | |
| You know, they've managed to shut down travel, I'm hearing, to Beijing and Shanghai from Wuhan, but they let everyone else fly all over the world. | |
| What this crisis has taught us is that, frankly, Donald Trump was more right in 2016 than we ever knew. | |
| And I believe he was damn right then. | |
| But we have to have some control of these things. | |
| We have to have control of our borders, our supply chains. | |
| We have to have American manufacturing. | |
| I mean, you had the Chinese. | |
| Literally threatening to withhold the antibiotics that American companies developed, although we manufacture them there for some strange reason. | |
| They're gonna withhold sending our stuff to us during a crisis because we're not blindly adhering to the Communist Party's propaganda after they literally lied and put the world in this place. | |
| And I'm watching mainstream media being like, Well, Phil, this is from the Chinese Communist Party. | |
| Not a single case! | |
| It's amazing! | |
| Okay, well, let us in and ask a person. | |
| No, no, no. | |
| That is too far. | |
| You cannot... I mean, what are we, imbeciles? | |
| Well, to be fair, in Don Lemon's defense, I think that he actually, his IQ is at the point where he might be eligible for special grants. | |
| But I will say this. | |
| Support, yeah. | |
| Yeah, that is something that is very important. | |
| We actually, I was live on air, right, and we do this morning show this month, and so some of us were checking news as it comes in, and I was reading a quote regarding the World Health Organization. | |
| And I was reading a quote regarding Donald Trump wanting to pull funding from the World Health Organization. | |
| It was a statement from a Chinese ambassador. | |
| And it happened while I was on air, and I read it, and I just said, well, of course they're going to react that way. | |
| And you guys remember, off air, I said, wait a second, wait a second. | |
| Was that Lilian Zhizang, whatever his name was, I said, wait, was that the communist propagandist who blamed the coronavirus on our own troops? | |
| And an hour after I was on air, I said, wait, hold on a second. | |
| Yes, that's the guy who spread the conspiracy theory that our troops started the coronavirus. | |
| And he was cited, he was quoted in Washington Post, in New York Times, Forbes. | |
| Not just quoted and then like, you know, Hit hard, quoted as though it was gospel. | |
| No one's gonna call him a conservative, but Jonathan Swan from Axios actually interviewed the ambassador and asked him about those questions. | |
| And the guy's literally, I can't speak for that. | |
| I go, but this guy is a blue checkmark verified spokesperson for the Chinese government. | |
| And he said, well, that's not my job. | |
| It is your job! | |
| Specifically your job! | |
| Jonathan Swan did a good job of hitting it, but the interview got literally no traction other than people like myself on social being like, has anyone thought about watching this? | |
| Because this is literally someone finally calling them out, asking them simple questions about the propaganda that they've been spreading. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And they literally had like a bumbling answer that was nothing. | |
| It was insane. | |
| Well, I'll give you one more and then I have to go and have one final question. | |
| But actually, when we ran, I don't know about you, but the scariest thing this month, the thing for me that really made me think there's something more sinister afoot with the media, rather than just ignorance, right? | |
| Because sometimes people are just ignorant. | |
| You know, you have your Don Lemons and your Brian Stelters. | |
| I don't know anything. | |
| But then you have people who are actually trying to subvert the truth. | |
| And it was that interview, and it only had a few hundred, maybe a couple thousand plays when we ran it on the show, where this Asian reporter asked the World Health Organization about Taiwan on Skype. | |
| And he said, sorry, the Skype cut out. | |
| I couldn't hear you. | |
| And she asked again about Taiwan and their refusal to recognize Taiwan, and he just hung up. | |
| Live on air, and no one covered it. | |
| And we showed that on air after that, you know, it got millions of plays. | |
| I know that you do this job as well, but sometimes for me, when I look at something like this and I go, I feel chills running down my spine. | |
| Not like Chris Matthews when Barack Obama was... It's really scary. | |
| I mean, you see, and again, you know... | |
| Obviously, that's that's an extreme version. | |
| But honestly, we're seeing the same thing just in the way that the left handles it. | |
| Who is it? | |
| Like Chris Krizilla, whatever his name is on CNN today, literally did a piece asking about the Tara Reid, you know, accusations against Joe Biden. | |
| Now, it was a liberal, about as liberal as it gets. | |
| On CNN, he brought it up on his show. | |
| Now, it wasn't too far, it wasn't aggressive, it was not nearly what he would have done to Brett Kavanaugh or Donald Trump under similar circumstances, but he brought it up, and within minutes, trending on Twitter was left-wing people trying to get a leftist fired from CNN for literally bringing up a question that if Donald Trump or a Republican did, would be, let's call it, the Huge, with a capital Y, huge story of the year! | |
| It could be the biggest story of the year, and they're literally trying to get a uber-leftist fired for even mentioning an accusation that literally has corroboration from 30 years ago, much more credible than anything these bastards threw at Brett Kavanaugh, where they did 700 pieces on something, where it's like, well, so when did it happen? | |
| I don't know, but it happened. | |
| Where did it happen? | |
| I have no idea. | |
| What year was it? | |
| I don't know. | |
| I mean, give me a break already. | |
| It's insanity. | |
| so this guy asked a simple question mentioned what should be the biggest story of the day | |
| with perhaps the exception of corona and they try to fire him i mean this is what we're up against | |
| and it's also why the right loses all the time because right the left will sacrifice any morality | |
| any decency any principles to try to win and push their bullshit agenda | |
| And, you know, we don't play the same way, and I think we probably should. | |
| Wait, does that mean it's curtains for your eyes? | |
| He's getting the Muppet cane from his family over here. | |
| Oh, here we go. | |
| So, final question. | |
| Two questions. | |
| Two-part question. | |
| Hey, what are you doing? | |
| I'm in the middle of an interview, princess! | |
| It's okay! | |
| He's like, no, you're not! | |
| You're done! | |
| I don't like it when you get this way! | |
| Um, two questions. | |
| Hey, Mrs. Gilfoyle, how are you? | |
| Really seriously, the louder was prouder. | |
| We could hear him in my neighborhood. | |
| I'm mostly taking the louder part. | |
| I have to have a little bit more decency. | |
| But I appreciate, he's in such a good mood being on with you. | |
| He's super excited. | |
| But I appreciate it, he's in such a good mood, like being on with you, he's like super excited, so. | |
| This is him in a good mood? | |
| Yeah, I'm in a great mood, I like fighting! | |
| I miss fighting! | |
| It's true, he is related to his dad. | |
| I got that gene. | |
| That's my final question, because we do have to go, but my final question, two questions. | |
| It's part A, part B. A, is this genetic? | |
| Because I notice you do this as well. | |
| And B, when you're at Thanksgiving, do you say to your dad, Donald Trump, please pass the potatoes? | |
| Sounds like an invite to me! | |
| By the way, if you think he's funny, when you know, with some of these one-liners | |
| at these press conferences, you gotta sit at like a family holiday, | |
| you know, where you have like just a lot of alpha personalities around the table vying for dominance. | |
| It's pretty awesome. | |
| I mean, if you film this, it would be a whole new level of respect. | |
| Yes, it sounds, I accept your invite. | |
| Okay, well thank you so much. | |
| Obviously you have to get back to your lovely lady there and your wonderful upstate. | |
| Hopefully you're heavily armed because you just told people that you're the President's son in upstate New York. | |
| Especially with Bill Gates' contact tracing software. | |
| I don't think anyone's ever accused me of not being a vocal and strong proponent of the Second Amendment. | |
| I'm always heavily armed. | |
| That is absolutely true. | |
| And you know what? | |
| I will be as well after we watch the Bill Gates town hall on CNN. | |
| So thank you so much, Donald Trump Jr. | |
| We really appreciate you taking the time, brother. | |
| Be safe. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Better you than me. | |
| Enjoy that one. | |
| God bless. | |
| You know what? | |
| I know we've gone. | |
| I think we need it. | |
| We can't do this anymore. | |
| We're going to have to just go to work. | |
| I mean, listen, guys, it's one of those things you can't catch lightning in a bottle or get the president's son to say shit sticks. | |
| You can't plan it. | |
| You just got to let it roll. | |
| I will tell you what. | |
| I will tell you what. | |
| I was thrilled to have him on because the first time we had him on, he was doing the book tour. | |
| Right. | |
| And I kind of knew all the answers. | |
| I like this version of Donald Trump. | |
| Yeah. | |
| There was a lot of honesty there. | |
| Yeah, he's very much like his father. | |
| Like he said, though, it's a little bit more unfiltered and a little funnier, because he knows he can just punch right back at those guys a little bit better. | |
| Well, I feel like President Donald Trump would actually prefer to be able to say that, but he can't. | |
| Yeah, I agree. | |
| Like, I think that Donald Trump Jr. | |
| is a reflection, typically, of what his father probably understands. | |
| Like, he's talking about the numbers, he's talking about upstate New York, and Donald Trump has to be a little... Donald Sr. | |
| He's just thrown me for a loop right now because he refers to himself. | |
| He's saying what his dad is thinking. | |
| It's also exacerbated because Donald Trump refers to himself in the third person. | |
| Can you imagine that Thanksgiving table saying, Donald Trump pass the potatoes, Donald Trump will not pass the potatoes. | |
| Donald Trump Jr. | |
| wants to say, Donald Trump is not a potato passer. | |
| Eric, you get it. | |
| Alright. | |
| Okay, well listen, here's what we're going to do. | |
| We're going to take a quick commercial break. | |
| How long is this commercial break? | |
| We do have a giveaway. | |
| And then we're just going to have to go live. | |
| Is a town hall with Bill Gates going on right now? | |
| It is not yet. | |
| Bill Gates isn't on. | |
| Because I did not want to miss that. | |
| No, it's Gupta. | |
| Gupta can go sit on a tack. | |
| Well, that's not nice. | |
| Got it. | |
| That was a Don Rickles thing. | |
| Sanjay Gupta, why don't you go eat yourself some chimichurri instead of a tack? | |
| Huh? | |
| He says huh. | |
| What? | |
| Go home and sleep with your broom. | |
| Alright, the giveaway! | |
| Alright, the giveaway. | |
| The next giveaway is... Epstein. | |
| Wait, what? | |
| Hold on a second. | |
| He's dead. | |
| Oh, that's right! | |
| That's right, giveaway. | |
| Do we have a clip from it? | |
| Yeah, we have a clip. | |
| Okay, so we are... As Mr. Draven leans, we can... Again, we are looking for 55 kilograms. | |
| We have 28, 25, 6 on the neck, and 58 on the rump. | |
| Neck cartilage. | |
| 58 on the neck. | |
| Alright, let me get this off. | |
| I'm gonna take my helmet. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Yes, there appears to have been a lot of commotion. | |
| What do you think went wrong? | |
| Here's the thing, though. | |
| Please bring that in, Jocko Correspondent. | |
| So this is the giveaway right here. | |
| Or I guess you want to... Yeah, I'll hold it right here. | |
| Thank you, sir. | |
| Look at this. | |
| We are giving away... That's memorabilia. | |
| A piece of history! | |
| What happened to you? | |
| Oh, wow. | |
| That's... Well, you guys made me make fun of Jocko for 20 minutes. | |
| Really? | |
| I didn't know flights were starting that early. | |
| Yeah, he wanted to prove how gay he was. | |
| He gave me a different kind of beating. | |
| Well, you did the Mike Tyson. | |
| He made you love him. | |
| So we are giving this away. | |
| Thank you, Smooth Manny. | |
| I appreciate it. | |
| Now I'm gonna get a call from Jocko. | |
| Yikes. | |
| At 4.15am. | |
| So, this is what we're giving away right now. | |
| This is the neck strap. | |
| By the way, my throat was so sore. | |
| So here's the thing. | |
| I wasn't able to break the bones in my neck during the Epstein livestream. | |
| My throat was so sore for two days, you would think I had a mild case of COVID. | |
| Oh wow. | |
| But I didn't. | |
| Before COVID. | |
| No, thank God I did not. | |
| It was just, you know, a slight fracture in my hyoid. | |
| Who is the winner right now? | |
| We're signing this and sending this out to... Jacob M. Jacob M. in Cheyenne, Wyoming! | |
| I've never been... Is that a nice talk? | |
| Cheyenne! | |
| I'm from Cheyenne, Wyoming! | |
| That was in the Max Fisher play. | |
| Oh my gosh, Anthony Fauci's on. | |
| He really does look like Geppetto without his mustache. | |
| Don't bring it up yet. | |
| Here's the deal. | |
| We're going to give this away to Mr. Cheyenne Wyoming, and of course, the final giveaway... I forgot his name. | |
| The only name in my head right now is Dumbledore, and it's a senior or a junior, and that's about all the bandwidth I have right now. | |
| So enter in the promo code QUARANTINE, remember that, and you still get $30 off, and then we're still going to be here for two and a half more hours, three hours? | |
| Two and a half more hours, live, Fact-checking, CNN, there's gonna be a Bill Gates town hall, and of course, oh my god, Chris Cuomo. | |
| Your favorite! | |
| Please tweet it at him when we're doing this, because I've never wanted anything as much as I want Christopher Cuomo to kick my ass. | |
| Because I know I wouldn't stand a chance. | |
| Yeah, of course. | |
| And so, it's an offer. | |
| You should take it. | |
| If you're a man, you'll take the offer. | |
| So this goes to Mr. Cheyenne. | |
| Our final giveaway tonight is going to be someone, two people flying out here live in studio. | |
| And thank you. | |
| We just have a quick commercial break. | |
| We will be back after this to live fact check. | |
| CNN, stay with us. | |
| There it is again. | |
| so strong. | |
| louder with crowdershop.com supporting free speech since two thousand and | |
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| I had no idea. | |
| I thought it was a four. | |
| What's the next commercial? | |
| Do we have like a two or three minute commercial break? | |
| Yeah, we got one of those. | |
| Yeah, I don't want a five minute commercial break. | |
| Guys, I'm sorry. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| It's number one. | |
| I have to go number one and quarter black Garrett. | |
| He's running on quarter black time. | |
| That's true. | |
| Canadian time we call it in the serving industry. | |
| So he didn't tell me. | |
| I didn't know it was 30 seconds. | |
| Half Asian Bill is gone. | |
| Gerald is back. | |
| We will be back after this. | |
| How long break? | |
| 30 seconds. | |
| Good lord! | |
| More! | |
| You don't want 30 seconds? | |
| That's what you want? | |
| You're aggravating me, you little bastard! | |
| It's 3 minutes and 30 seconds. | |
| Okay, 3 minutes and 30 seconds. | |
| In 3 minutes, I will be back. | |
| My bladder is about to explode. | |
| See you in 3 minutes for live fact-checking CNN. | |
| Gotta go! | |
| 30 seconds. | |
| So, healthcare and overtime at two and a half? | |
| Three and a half and dental. | |
| We can do that. | |
| We can do that. | |
| if you're listening on audio you're probably wondering what's going on | |
| If you're not listening on audio, subscribe at SoundCloud and Apple Podcasts. | |
| Tonight on Comedy Central. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Uh-huh. | |
| Corona, baby. | |
| I've never just told jokes to myself. | |
| Hello? | |
| Black people? | |
| I'm not even trying to be funny here. | |
| Trevor dishes his hottest takes. | |
| What? | |
| We've got to clear the air. | |
| I'm not too old, but I'm pretty damn old. | |
| This is a call from Steven Crowder regarding your Mug Club membership renewal. | |
| If you plan to renew, please press 1. | |
| I'm just going through like a really, really, really like struggle today right now. | |
| I'm really like deciding whether I should get the Rolls Royce Phantom or just like a Tesla, you know, Model X, the SUV. | |
| This is an automated call and I cannot answer your questions. | |
| Steven Crowder calling, buddy. | |
| What's going on? | |
| I would say go with the Royce because it's a status symbol and it's a big ol' swingin' d**k. | |
| This is Steven Crowder calling. | |
| I don't have a house on the island. | |
| I don't have any of those things. | |
| You know I don't have those things. | |
| I only have Mug Club and it's only as valuable as its weakest link. | |
| Are you talking to someone else or are you talking to your other own personality? | |
| This is Steven Crowder calling you right now from Mug Club to see... | |
| Okay. | |
| Alright. | |
| You know what? | |
| This is the opposite of a robo-call. | |
| This is a call to an insane... You only speak of the things that the insane lament. | |
| You know what? | |
| I don't want you in my club. | |
| Go get yourself a tumbler. | |
| We are back. | |
| Please do tweet out Mug Club Quarantine. | |
| Hashtag Mug Club Quarantine. | |
| This is a 9% building here. | |
| And of course the promo code is quarantine. | |
| They are on a commercial break on CNN like it's their job because their job is not to report. | |
| No. | |
| So much stuff. | |
| It's to run ad space for self-lubricating pocket catheters and gay stuff. | |
| Yes. | |
| You had a correction here regarding our giveaways tonight. | |
| So we're going to be doing a lot of giveaways and because we have so many exciting things, | |
| commercial breaks, guests, whatever, we will be probably having to give more of these gifts | |
| away afterwards and that's fine. | |
| I can do it because my wife and I volunteered for years. | |
| So before you judge me, we volunteered to help special needs people. | |
| You just called them retarded. | |
| So I don't know why you feel the right to judge me. | |
| I can't say that. | |
| I was about to say his name. | |
| He used to, anytime you tell a story, he would go, yes? | |
| And then you start talking. | |
| Anyone talk. | |
| Just talk for a second. | |
| Yes? | |
| And then he'd end your phrase. | |
| OK. | |
| Oh, no! | |
| No! | |
| Campo! | |
| No! | |
| And he would do that every single time and hit you. | |
| He'd strike you? | |
| And one time he called me a retard. | |
| What was the look on your face? | |
| Come on, tell me. | |
| I just laughed! | |
| I just laughed! | |
| Why would I get mad? | |
| Like, who am I to tell him that he can't? | |
| It was funny. | |
| Oh, it's hilarious! | |
| But what he would do is he would do that, and he would do it when you were telling, like, Bible stories, because this was at a church. | |
| So you'd do, like, praise and worship, Bible stories, and snack time. | |
| And then Daniel was thrown in the lion's den. | |
| And then they came back the next day to see, and he was still alive. | |
| Oh, no, no, Daniel, okay, good. | |
| He's a pro-lion guy! | |
| I tell you what, having volunteered with special needs people, there is an untapped resource there. | |
| We see them as obviously like, you know, what do they say now, special needs, mentally handicapped, but there were certain things that they could laser in on that most people who don't have those disabilities, whatever you want to call it, That we would never be able to do in a million years. | |
| There was a guy named Scott. | |
| You can go back and watch this. | |
| It was a pro-life video that we did, because a huge portion of babies now who are known to have disabilities before they're born are aborted. | |
| And there was one guy who could tell you, you could name any song, any rock song, from probably 1961 through today. | |
| He could tell you the track listings on the whole album, the B-sides, which recording studio. | |
| And I felt like an idiot, because he would walk in and go, smoke on the water! | |
| I don't know. | |
| I'm going to sound like an idiot right now. | |
| I'll be like, 1968, this I was to record in the studio. | |
| You know that one? | |
| I'd be like, yeah, because I'm not special needs. | |
| I should know that. | |
| And instead I would just lie. | |
| I'd be like, do you know, uh, Alice Cooper's school's out? | |
| And then he'd be like, yeah, and he'd name me everything about it. | |
| And then I went home wanting to swallow a knife. | |
| Well, yeah, that's a reasonable response. | |
| And the guy was showing you up. | |
| He's cooler than you are. | |
| And the same thing, there was some other, it's the math. | |
| There was one guy who could do math equations so quickly. | |
| It was remarkable. | |
| Hey, I bet you some people who can't do math equations, let's go to CNN. | |
| Now it's time for our live fact checking. | |
| Let's see who's talking. | |
| Not equally in all states, but we've got to try to figure out how the balance of those two forces will play out. | |
| But certainly our numbers are going to go up once we take that all into account. | |
| Can you give me a little more juice there, AudioAge? | |
| Has that happened around the world? | |
| Oh, can we show our folks actually? | |
| Reg the Bandit, I believe, is on with us. | |
| Glenn Beck was asking me, how many researchers do you have doing this? | |
| Precisely one. | |
| But we only need one, Reg the Bandit. | |
| Is he there? | |
| He's so secretive, he doesn't have a camera right now. | |
| Okay, alright, that's fine. | |
| Good. | |
| I don't want people to see him because I want him all for myself. | |
| Mysterious. | |
| And his contract does not have a match clause. | |
| He lives in Jakarta. | |
| If you want to go look more up, Jakarta. | |
| Super deep. | |
| I love how much Anderson's contributing there. | |
| Many of the models I look at, Dr. Murray, don't extend out a few days or a few weeks. | |
| and who's lucky enough to have the quick decline must be related to at some level to you know | |
| behavior and social distancing but we're having a hard time predicting in advance. | |
| I love how much Anderson's you know contributing there. | |
| Many of the models I look at Dr. Murray don't extend out a few days or a few weeks. | |
| Yours goes to August. I'm curious how did you pick August and and what are your expectations after that? | |
| I love how, by the way, they say, new model, project 72,000. | |
| Oh, really? | |
| That's interesting. | |
| You're really taking a risk there. | |
| You know what? | |
| I think that we've probably had around 60,000 deaths so far. | |
| Really? | |
| The experts got nothing right. | |
| You said 2.2 million, and then your revised number was 100 to 240,000. | |
| When social distancing would take effect? | |
| And now we're like, well, he said 72,000. | |
| At the very end, he put the plus just in case. | |
| It's like midnight on election night. | |
| Everybody's like, it looks like Donald Trump's going to be president. | |
| Maybe. | |
| A new model. | |
| And what is the margin of error on your model, Dr. Christopher Murray? | |
| Plus or minus 2.2 million. | |
| I do like the fact that at one point it was 140th of the projection is where we're at, right? | |
| So if you keep saying that, and now they've revised it down from 2.2 million to 72,000, so now we're going to have 140th of that, which means, you know, people are going to be coming back from the dead when they go back and do... No! | |
| Michael Jackson? | |
| You think I'm joking? | |
| They're going to go back and redo the autopsies and realize, oh, wait a minute! | |
| Pennsylvania took 200 out right away, and they did it very quietly. | |
| And keep in mind that there were over 3,000 in a day in New York that were completely untested. | |
| Hey, Steven, we got Reg. | |
| Oh, we have Reg. | |
| We have Reg the Research Bandit. | |
| Let's see him there. | |
| Reg, are you with us? | |
| Hello, how are you doing? | |
| I'm doing fine. | |
| I don't want to hear from you. | |
| That's not the right way to wear a mask, you prick. | |
| He's a brilliant researcher. | |
| He has a Mensa-level IQ, and he puts the mask underneath his nostrils. | |
| I tried to give enough room that you can still understand my speech, because when I get it up here... Yes, because you speak through your nasal cavity. | |
| I don't know, you get a little resonance right here. | |
| Hey, hey, hey! | |
| Don't pull it down! | |
| I do like that you can see the Muppet porn he's watching. | |
| Right? | |
| No, that's just Anderson Cooper. | |
| The mirrored glasses were a bad choice. | |
| Alright, well thank you Reg. | |
| We're gonna go, we're gonna watch some CNN and live fact check it and you help us. | |
| You're a brilliant man. | |
| We're glad to have you with us. | |
| I'll be on call. | |
| If there is one person who I don't want mad at me, it's that man. | |
| I mean, come on. | |
| If there is one person who I don't want mad at me, it's that man. | |
| I'm very nice to him. | |
| There have been... | |
| That man has led to the arrest of pedophiles, Antifa members, and he squat 630. | |
| That's true. | |
| Terrifying. | |
| Alright, let's go back to CNN. | |
| People need to hear the lies so we can factor it. | |
| Hey guys, question. | |
| Can you take your cats to the vet? | |
| That's what CNN wants to know. | |
| To put them down? | |
| Stop it! | |
| Cats are the worst. | |
| Shut up. | |
| A cat is fine. | |
| He's so angry. | |
| Who here would know more about cats than him? | |
| I'm not eating them. | |
| We're not talking about your favorite musical. | |
| I liked the movie, okay? | |
| Not the musical. | |
| Kidding. | |
| Kidding. | |
| Why is he still here? | |
| Why would you say that? | |
| You promised me he'd be gone if he talked about cats again. | |
| Alright, hold on. | |
| I need to see something. | |
| Your expertise has always been so much. | |
| You're seeing this train wreck on CNN. | |
| Thank you, Anderson. | |
| Quick reminder at the bottom of your screen, you'll see our social media scroll shows some of the questions that you're sending us. | |
| Please follow me. | |
| You can tweet us your questions with the hashtag CNN Town Hall. | |
| Another cat question. | |
| This would be like 17 cat questions. | |
| This is just Anderson Cooper's partner texting from his west side village. | |
| Anderson, what about our cows? | |
| Oh, hold on! | |
| Grey's Anatomy! | |
| Also Baltimore's former health commissioner. | |
| So, Dr. Wen, with this latest coronavirus modeling showing an increase in the estimated deaths nationwide, and as they're gonna now incorporate the ending of social distancing, it's likely to go up. | |
| Does it concern you that so many states are relaxing their ordinance? | |
| Okay, fact check! | |
| Alright, drink, fact check! | |
| Okay. | |
| Because of social distancing, it's likely to go up. | |
| No, if you actually look at the numbers, before social distancing could take effect, it went down, and there is no correlation between the lock- I should say, not necessarily the social distancing, but the lockdowns, right? | |
| The lockdowns. | |
| Before the lockdowns went into effect, the numbers went down, and there's no correlation between places that have done full lockdowns and shutting down the virus. | |
| People point to Sweden a whole lot. | |
| I hate that Sweden's been used as political football because Donald Trump today was saying they have a disaster because the left's been trying to say that it was a disaster. | |
| There's actually, I think, a headline we can bring up from CNN earlier today that said, Death rates soar in Sweden. | |
| Here's why. | |
| Well, hold on a second. | |
| Apparently, soar is a synonym for exactly middle of the pack. | |
| Yeah. | |
| In all of Europe. | |
| Because Sweden is below Belgium, below France, below Italy, below Spain, I think below Switzerland. | |
| If I'm not mistaken, I think they might be below the UK at this point and above some other countries. | |
| Right? | |
| So you want to say... and they had no lockdown at all. | |
| They didn't even quarantine older individuals. | |
| Now that being said, there's a difference between lockdown and social distancing. | |
| If you look at the states, for example, the great state of Texas, or you look at Georgia, they're easing the lockdown so people can go back to work, but of course they are still following federal guidelines and there's a four-phase plan. | |
| Is it four or is it up to 14 now? | |
| I have no idea. | |
| They keep adding phases. | |
| They're encouraging social distancing, but they aren't locking people in their houses against their will. | |
| So for them right now, they go, well, we're revising the death rate because of easing. | |
| No, you're not. | |
| You're not revising it because you think the number is going to go up because of easing social distancing. | |
| You're just looking at the patterns now because we actually have some data where you didn't have it before. | |
| So you made up numbers like 2.2 million, which is likely mathematically impossible unless the entire continent of the United States was covered by an old folks home. | |
| An old folks dome. | |
| Dome, yeah. | |
| So a question, they were saying basically they just wanted to spread the number of cases out, not cut the number of cases down that we actually had, right? | |
| That was the flattening the curve, right? | |
| Am I correct in saying that? | |
| Overall, we're still going to have the same number of people eventually get this. | |
| Wouldn't that mean the same number of deaths as well? | |
| Just in a longer period of time? | |
| Actually, it could be worse. | |
| And this is something that people are talking about. | |
| Wait, who's this guy? | |
| Hold on, let's watch this real quick. | |
| He's a kid. | |
| He's a high school student. | |
| No, no, that's young Wolverine. | |
| Soccer player. | |
| Stop licking hairy assholes. | |
| Yeah, that's herpy. | |
| We need to get Dr. Joy. | |
| You want to say on national television? | |
| with this symptom or any remedies. | |
| Stop licking hairy assholes. | |
| Yeah, that's herpes. | |
| We need to get Dr. Choi. | |
| You don't want to say that on national television? | |
| It's all him. | |
| Where's Dr. Choi? | |
| Oh, I want to see the answer to this. | |
| Well, as far as I know, there is no association that we know... As far as I know... As far as I know, there's no association between COVID-19 and pustules on your tongue. | |
| The guy in the middle is like, he's got that smile where he's gritting his teeth because he can see that someone in the back is getting fired for letting that message go through. | |
| That'll take care of that. | |
| It's my favorite activity while my partner tweets about cats. | |
| Repeated shaking with chills, muscle pain, headaches, sore throat, loss of taste or smell. | |
| They just named, by the way, every time I get off a plane. | |
| Every time I get off a plane, outside of the fever and chills, I have a sore throat, I'm tired. | |
| I don't know about you, but when I travel and I'm in a long plane ride, my taste and smell is always a little bit messed up. | |
| And I noticed that most of all when I went to Florida last time because I was in a cigar lounge. | |
| And I was like, everything is just muted. | |
| And I was having cigars that I really typically like. | |
| And the guy who owns the cigar lounge, who actually used to run the Havana room in New York, so he knew Rudy Giuliani and Rush Limbaugh and all these people who would come in. | |
| He said, oh, he said, have you flown lately? | |
| Have you taken a long flight? | |
| I said, yeah, I've been flying a lot. | |
| He goes, yeah, that's actually very common for people. | |
| You're in the dry air. | |
| Often you might have a cold and you don't know it. | |
| Something about the compression, decompression. | |
| But he said for me, if I take long flights, even when I fly to, if I go to Europe, because sometimes he'll be doing these cigar tastings, I make sure that I leave myself a day to acclimate. | |
| And you only notice this probably with wine, something that's really more palate sensitive. | |
| Yeah, when I travel out to Napa Valley, you know? | |
| Had the same kind of thing happen. | |
| Doesn't taste nearly as good until the fifth winery of the day. | |
| Yeah, but that's because you get drunk on the plane. | |
| Yeah, I mean you're smashed at that point. | |
| So what's the point of these questions on the bottom? | |
| I'm not sure. | |
| This is people sending in their questions. | |
| They're not actually being... Oh, panic! | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Bill and Melinda Gates. | |
| Oh boy. | |
| This is disgusting. | |
| So many levels. | |
| Disgusting. | |
| I don't know. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Is this gonna kill me? | |
| No, it'll do the opposite. | |
| Are they microchipping? | |
| What is that? | |
| It's subdermal. | |
| I don't know what carrier. | |
| Melinda Gates or Sanjay Gupta on a beach party. | |
| It's like I'm back in the studio with Brian Stelter. | |
| I did, I'm good. | |
| Oh look, Bill Gates is on television, but he's in here. | |
| Which one do I shoot? | |
| Who's the imposter? | |
| All of them. | |
| What is it? | |
| What is it with CNN and showing people, showing their hosts training? | |
| It's like Chris Cuomo sitting there like, hey, listen guys, you should be really responsible and get vaccinated. | |
| Don't forget to have your pets spayed or neutered. | |
| You don't have to be on the air dog. | |
| Sanjay Gupta is jogging. | |
| Look, there's Chris Cuomo again! | |
| There he is. | |
| What is it? | |
| In a park. | |
| I'll take it. | |
| Put it in there. | |
| I thought you weren't supposed to be in person. | |
| I don't want anything to do with Bill or Melinda Gates. | |
| I don't even care if it's Melinda Gates. | |
| I want nothing to do with a woman who's dressed like the black and white cookie. | |
| Melinda, next time shave. | |
| She did it! | |
| The next ones are going to be suppositories. | |
| You're going to wish you took these. | |
| That was lost on you guys. | |
| Why are they lecturing these people who are out actually being socially distant? | |
| Did you see those reporters? | |
| I mean, come on. | |
| They were jogging near a beach. | |
| I think those are closed, technically, right? | |
| How much do you want to bet that Sanjay Gupta puts on more bronzer to make himself look even more brown? | |
| Like, just for job security. | |
| Look at that! | |
| He's smirking at himself! | |
| That was my run. | |
| That was a good clip right there. | |
| I thought I tuned into the Bollywood channel for a moment. | |
| Because I'm a leading man. | |
| I thought I tuned into the Bollywood channel for a moment because I'm a leading man. | |
| I don't care what William Morris and Debra said. | |
| I think it's okay not to wear a mask. | |
| I carry one with me if people are going to be around. | |
| People are frightened, Anderson, so I think it, you know, like I said, I think it shows | |
| that you're taking this seriously. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Dr. Wen, this next question came in via Facebook with our hashtag CNN Town Hall. | |
| It's there at the bottom of the screen. | |
| The question is, should we change our clothes after returning home from being in public | |
| places like the grocery store. | |
| This is news? | |
| This is news? | |
| I know that the virus can live on cardboard, it can live on plastic, I know it can live on fabric, but can it live on my fabric though? | |
| Like what about like a nice silk? | |
| The answer is no. | |
| What about a nice silk? | |
| I hear the worms have antimicrobial properties. | |
| Die! | |
| Career-wise. | |
| Yes. | |
| Physically. | |
| Career-wise. | |
| And not the doctor. | |
| Just Sanjay Gupta. | |
| I just want Sanjay Gupta's segment to die. | |
| I love that Anderson Cooper hasn't changed. | |
| This isn't like a serious interview and he hasn't changed how he's interviewing. | |
| Is this serious? | |
| Can you change your clothes after going out to the grocery store? | |
| they're repeating questions. Yeah I know. They don't have enough people tweeting about CNN so | |
| they have to repeat questions. Let's tweet at them. And the ones they're repeating are, | |
| can you get COVID twice? Change my clothes. We have Carly Burton again on for the third time. | |
| Okay. | |
| ... spending the first few months of life in an ultra... | |
| That was creepy. | |
| Were they six feet away? | |
| Unlikely. | |
| impact on a child's immune system. Thank you. I'm not a doctor but yes. That was creepy. | |
| Well Carly I'm in the same boat as you. First of all congratulations but I also | |
| have a four-week-old and no one else has held the four-week-old other than my | |
| immediate family and we're certainly not planning to go to any public places. | |
| Look I wouldn't worry about lack of exposure for now because actually... You're holding your baby with tongs? | |
| Just a couple of pool cues? | |
| How are you holding your baby? | |
| Let's just put him on Molec for a little bit. | |
| What is that smile? | |
| Anyway, and this outbreak is going to be over at some point and we will be able to see people | |
| again. | |
| And in the meantime, I would say you can also boost the baby's immunity by breastfeeding | |
| if you can, doing a lot of skin to skin contact and just enjoying the baby. | |
| That was her saying, by breastfeeding if you can, I don't. | |
| What is Wade doing on CNN? | |
| It's almost like Brodigan and Wade. | |
| What is Wade doing on CNN? | |
| It's almost like Brodigan and Wade. | |
| It is. | |
| I have a love for talent. | |
| I didn't hear what it is. | |
| Somebody's not going to have the vaccine. | |
| That's a good point. | |
| What we say is that the fatality rate for those who get infected with the seasonal flu is around .1. | |
| Now keep in mind though, keep aside the vaccine for a second, because we all have lived on this planet, we all have some immunity to this seasonal flu because there's some variation of the flu. | |
| It changes a bit every year, but we do develop some immunity. | |
| And because a lot of people have been exposed, we start to develop some herd immunity. | |
| All have immunity to the flu? | |
| No, that's why some people get the FLU, ASSHOLE! | |
| We also all live on this planet. | |
| Did he just argue against getting the flu vaccine? | |
| So in this country, if 30 million people become infected with the seasonal flu, which is not | |
| that atypical, at least 30,000 people roughly would die of that. | |
| So I think that's the way to sort of think about it. | |
| Wait, did he just say roughly 30,000 people would die of the flu? | |
| No, 2017-2018 with a vaccine at 62,000. | |
| Normal is a huge variance, you can't pin a normal on that. | |
| I'm sorry, I know you're trying to be Mr. Balanced here, but the fact is it goes from 12,000 to 80,000. | |
| It goes from 12,000 to 80,000. | |
| If you look at a through line for a hundred years, it's about 30,000 people a year, but | |
| there are spikes. | |
| But the question was in the absence of a vaccine. | |
| Right. | |
| An average year right now with the vaccine might be 30-something thousand, but we've had several years that were significantly beyond that. | |
| Much higher, yeah. | |
| And that matters because with the flu vaccine, I think it was 2017-2018 year, we can go to Reg, I think that was the season, right? | |
| Because it goes from the fall through the winter through about May. | |
| They initially had it at 80-something thousand deaths, and just like you said, then they revised it down to 62,000. | |
| That's with the vaccine. | |
| So it does matter when they're talking, they said, you know, the flu only has a 0.1% mortality rate. | |
| Well, hold on a second. | |
| What's the mortality rate that we're seeing right now for COVID-19? | |
| It's between 0.5. | |
| Some people are saying as low as 0.1. | |
| Let's say it's 0.7. | |
| It's still much closer to the flu than it was to the experts' projections. | |
| Right, and he didn't even address that point of the question. | |
| He just talked about the seasonal flu and said that some of the numbers are around 30,000. | |
| He didn't say, yes, you're actually right. | |
| It is closer to the flu than we thought. | |
| Hold on. | |
| We're both probably wrong. | |
| Reg the Research Bandit, did I have that about right? | |
| You got it right. | |
| He's not right, Reg. | |
| Give me the 20 year average flu deaths. | |
| What's the 20 year average flu deaths, Reg? | |
| Yearly average. | |
| 20 year average for flu deaths. | |
| He's like, do do do do do do do. | |
| Are you, are you, are you typing from an Ikea showroom? | |
| What is that? | |
| Is that an Elka? | |
| This used to all be in an Ikea showroom. | |
| Right? | |
| It could be 40, but it's pretty close. | |
| It just would be odd because you would think that if he has access, if he's in Sweden, he wouldn't be on lockdown. | |
| It's true. | |
| building Ikea shelves. Anyway, you know, you're here's the point that you're right in that there's | |
| an average but that's including the flu vaccine and we have had significantly higher death rates. | |
| Well and the misnomer is that basically or the false information is that the flu vaccine that | |
| we have every year is going to prevent us from getting the flu that comes around that year. | |
| That's why we have spikes. But don't you hear Sanjay Gupta who's a doctor? I know. | |
| We all have immunity to the flu. We have some. | |
| What does that even mean? | |
| Does he mean to say that society at large... But the reason we don't have a cure for the common cold is that it's a different cold, it's a different strain. | |
| So I don't understand the point that he was making there. | |
| Like you said, it sounded like he was making the case against a flu vaccine. | |
| I'm still back on I was told not to listen to doctors. | |
| Susan Wojcicki told me, don't listen to doctors. | |
| You should listen to the World Health Organization. | |
| They know best. | |
| They don't think the flu exists. | |
| Is Sanjay there? | |
| Is he at the who? | |
| No idea. | |
| But apparently Soledad O'Brien is doing ice cream commercials now. | |
| And she's not even a lead! | |
| Daily Harvest. | |
| They just cut to someone else. | |
| If they show that commercial again, bring it up. | |
| That'd look like Soledad O'Brien if you put her in the aging freezer. | |
| It looks like Soledad O'Brien if you just kept her under constant UV light. | |
| So what is, when we're talking about the numbers in the European countries, what I really find interesting is no one is actually doing a comparison to say, okay, here are the different levels of lockdown, right? | |
| Or, you know, different stages of quarantine, and then comparing death rates to levels of quarantine. | |
| Right. | |
| Because really what it comes down to is, we all acknowledge that, yes, you could eliminate all COVID deaths by just shooting everyone on the planet. | |
| You could also... So what tends to work? | |
| That's China's plan. | |
| Don't steal it. | |
| I'm not stealing my own plan. | |
| At least half of it. | |
| Let me be the lawyer here. | |
| You play the lawyer. | |
| The point being, if you're looking at when you see Sweden in the middle of the pack, and sure, is Sweden going to have more deaths today or tomorrow than it does today? | |
| Sure. | |
| Is the number going to keep going up for at least some period of time? | |
| Sure. | |
| But if they're at the middle of the pack with having virtually no public restrictions, then we need to look at what are the restrictions that really matter, yet you have other countries that are in complete lockdown where their numbers are soaring. | |
| Well, you can even look at states. | |
| The states that have the most severe lockdowns are New York, California, and Michigan. | |
| Nary a COVID case to be found! | |
| Now, again, it's tough to compare that. | |
| Why? | |
| Because of population density. | |
| That being said, you're not really making the population density argument with Michigan, say, versus Ohio. | |
| Oh, God! | |
| Oh, man! | |
| Oh, God! | |
| Oh, man! | |
| Oh, God! | |
| Let's see what Bill Gates has to say. | |
| Smirky McGee. | |
| I was just gonna say, Reg says that average for the last 7 years is over 40,000. | |
| So? | |
| That was 7 years! | |
| I said 100. | |
| You think they were measuring? | |
| What do you think they were measuring? | |
| Flu deaths with a sundial, you son of a bitch? | |
| 1918, you don't remember that one? | |
| That was a big one. | |
| Let's take that one out. | |
| It's true. | |
| I was making a joke, but I realized that a joke needs to be based in truth, and obviously Actually, no. | |
| They do smallpox because they're just like, these symptoms are so severe. | |
| I bet you they couldn't have told you the difference between a cold and a flu back then. | |
| It would have been tough, I bet. | |
| But you know what? | |
| Nothing a few leeches can't fix. | |
| A little bloodletting, something like that. | |
| Just bleed it out of him. | |
| Go out west, get some sun, Doc. | |
| Cocaine? | |
| We do have the best sun. | |
| Very best sun. | |
| King of suns. | |
| No. | |
| A little Shakespearean. | |
| Is it giving a feedback if you bring it up? | |
| will we be lulled into complacency in the summer only to be pushed back up in the fall? | |
| And there's a lag time as people- There's a little Shakespearean in it. | |
| ... a little more juice, audio-way when you bring it up. | |
| Or is it giving a feedback if you bring it up? | |
| No, we got it. | |
| We got it. | |
| So you can think, hey, these policies are good, let's go looser, and yet the people's | |
| behavior is just starting to take advantage of those. | |
| And so very quickly you can get yourself back into exponential growth. | |
| Damn that freedom. | |
| It never was. | |
| Hold on. | |
| That's a lie. | |
| It was never exponential growth. | |
| No, it was never exponential growth. | |
| Never grew exponentially, ever. | |
| I've been talking to a lot of people and there does seem to be this cognitive- | |
| Hold on a second, and here's also what matters, by the way. | |
| Do you notice that the goal posts have changed? | |
| We can probably bring up Elon Musk's tweet about, and what's funny is the leftists are like, this proves that it worked because he showed Gavin Newsom's predictions with no intervention, Gavin Newsom's prediction with social distancing, I think it was March 30th, and then Gavin Newsom's... | |
| Yeah. | |
| with social distancing, I think somewhere in April, right? | |
| And the hospital capacity, or how much of their capacity they had filled, remained constant. | |
| Because again, keep in mind, the idea here was never that we could eliminate all COVID | |
| deaths. | |
| Even starting with the idea that it could be 2 million, and they said, maybe we can | |
| lower it down to 220,000. | |
| We just have to make sure that those don't all happen. | |
| When? | |
| In April. | |
| That was the reason for the lockdown, to not overburden hospitals. | |
| Now, undeniably, hospitals are furloughing, they're laying off workers, and they are not at full capacity. | |
| The extra hospitals that have been opened up, they don't need them. | |
| There you go, right there. | |
| Yes, it was a prediction. | |
| April 1st and April 10th. | |
| Okay, I was pretty close. | |
| That's the actual data. | |
| And he posted that, and people think that he's a A Nazi for crying out loud. | |
| So we need to be clear about what the goal was. | |
| We never said that we could eliminate all COVID deaths. | |
| It's not possible. | |
| You can't do it. | |
| It was flatten the curve, flatten the curve, flatten the curve. | |
| And now they've switched the meaning of flatten the curve to go from not overburdening the healthcare system to flattening the curve so that we just don't see a peak in deaths at any point at all. | |
| Well, listen, if we don't develop herd immunity, of course we're going to see a peak in the fall, like you see with flu. | |
| And that's the argument that people are making with Sweden, that there could be some kind of a herd immunity. | |
| Now, where that number is and how much, you know, whether it takes effect, if you don't have an effective vaccine yet, that remains to be seen. | |
| That being said, let me read you a couple of examples here, okay? | |
| Because this really matters. | |
| Let me read you some of the COVID deaths when we're talking about these deaths and deaths that could spike. | |
| Meet Mr. McNally. | |
| of the first thousand COVID deaths. | |
| I'm not using their first name. | |
| He had surgeries for lung cancer, several, and then he was registered as a COVID death. | |
| Mr. Siegel was 89 years old. | |
| He had prostate cancer, melanoma, had multiple heart surgeries, and he was listed as a COVID death. | |
| The lowest person I could find on this list was Mrs. Peavy. | |
| She's 58. | |
| She was a smoker, heart failure, pneumonia, pulmonary disease. | |
| They listed the cause of death as COVID. | |
| Now listen, all deaths matter. | |
| All deaths are tragic. | |
| I want to be really clear, but here's the thing. | |
| If you look at these numbers, these people, And you look at the stats. | |
| The stats are very clear, right? | |
| 90-something percent. | |
| I was playing it conservatively, saying 80% of the deaths are coming from people who are 70 years or older with comorbidities. | |
| It's really 90 to 95%. | |
| New York, I think they said a 95%. | |
| Reg can bring that up. | |
| I think Italy had it at 98%, which is a good portion of Italy. | |
| The point here is, you don't save the infirm by quarantining the healthy. | |
| The only chance, if we understand and we are truthful, rather than trying to engage and to feed into media sensationalism, if we understand that this is a disease that affects people who already have pre-existing conditions, severe pre-existing conditions, and are at or beyond life expectancy, the best thing you can do is quarantine those people, the vulnerable, the sick, and let those who are robust and can withstand it go out and let the virus run its course so that these people don't have to be quarantined for years to come. | |
| Right now is the time for them to stay home because we know, statistically, old, sick, they can stay home so people of a .01 to .05 percent, meaning people below the age of 50 who are not sick, can go out, let the virus run its course, so that they're not nearly as contagious when the old people go back out into the wild. | |
| I was just going to say, we do have the headline from Reg, and we also have Nick DiPaolo on the line. | |
| Oh, we do have Nick DiPaolo! | |
| Okay, well, hopefully Nick DiPaolo understands that we had Donald Trump Jr. | |
| who called the Democrats asshats, so we ran a little bit late, and then we have to get to our Our Illuminati town hall with Bill Gates. | |
| But right now, one of the funniest men walking the face of the earth. | |
| If you want to see one of the best pure stand-up comedians, period, ever, you watch this man. | |
| I don't have the notes. | |
| I know he has a podcast on YouTube. | |
| It's available everywhere podcasts are. | |
| But he will give me the website, angrily, no doubt. | |
| Mr. DiPaolo, how are you, sir? | |
| Very well. | |
| Thanks for having me on, Stephen Boyd. | |
| I thought I'd be on a show where they use strong language like asshat. | |
| Well, I didn't use it. | |
| It was the president's son, who, by the way, refers to his dad as Donald Trump. | |
| So, I... He was like, you know, they want to get Donald Trump. | |
| Like, wait, do you mean your father? | |
| Yeah, I come... Is that what he's saying? | |
| Yes! | |
| Imagine that Thanksgiving table. | |
| Donald Trump passed the turkey. | |
| Donald Trump's passing the potatoes. | |
| Like a stepkid talking to his stepdad. | |
| Hey, Jim! | |
| Hey, wait a second! | |
| Just to be clear here, Nick DiPaolo, right now, is coming out of the closet. | |
| Because when you told me that you started cigarettes, and I said, have you considered vaping? | |
| You said, eh, I don't want to be a fag. | |
| And now I see you've got your jewel. | |
| Nick, admit that that's a true conversation. | |
| You couldn't be more wrong. | |
| I do both. | |
| At the same time. | |
| Switch hitter. | |
| ...anybody tells me anything. | |
| Including this yellow fever we're experiencing. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| No offense to your guests. | |
| No, that's okay. | |
| It's only half of them. | |
| And by the way, he hates the Chinese government because he's not a member of it, just like the Chinese people in China. | |
| Let me ask you, first off, Nick, what's the plug? | |
| Where can people go to watch your show? | |
| Because you're all over the place. | |
| NickDip.com. | |
| Monday through Thursday, we drop it at 5 Eastern Time. | |
| NickDip.com and, you know, YouTube. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And you're just tearing it up, and I'm glad that more people are watching. | |
| Really, if you guys are looking for one of the funniest... I don't think that I've ever... I mean, Norm Macdonald comes... Norm Macdonald is up there, but as far as just bust-a-gut laughing... We were driving back from Austin, and it last changed my mind when Kiefer Sutherland showed up with a concrete milkshake. | |
| Johnny Boy and I were listening to Nick DiPaolo in tears laughing to the point where my wife was with her noise-canceling headphones behind us, and she's like, She just didn't understand. | |
| Uh, Nick... She sounds like a party animal. | |
| She couldn't hear, you know, she was listening to soothing dolphin sounds or whatever it is, which wasn't so soothing when I told her that dolphins commit gang rape. | |
| It's an episode of Lock Up with Flipper, but she didn't get this. | |
| Hey, Nick, let me ask you. | |
| You moved from... She committed gang rape. | |
| Hey, Nick, uh... Apologize. | |
| Uh, but I don't. | |
| So, you, um, moved from New York, and I don't think I'm letting the cat out of the bag. | |
| You've talked about this on air. | |
| You're in Georgia now, right? | |
| Yeah, I moved to Savannah and everybody was making fun of me when I left New York. | |
| Yeah, because... I've been hiding behind body bags. | |
| Well, let me ask you this. | |
| Right now, has that provided you new perspective on this pandemic? | |
| Because when I lived in New York, I remember thinking, oh my gosh, if there's some kind of a disaster, I can't get out. | |
| I mean, if I wanted to get to work on a weekday and I was in the Upper East Side, I couldn't get on the Green Line, let alone if I wanted to get off the island. | |
| Has it changed your perception? | |
| Uh, absolutely. | |
| I, you know, we were talking about this and people are saying, why is New York such a hotbed? | |
| And I said to one of my comedian buddies, are you kidding me? | |
| Do you remember when you used to go to the men's room at the comedy cellar? | |
| You'd brush crotches with three guys on the way out by accident. | |
| There's no way to move. | |
| It's the most densely parked, you know, it's, it's just, uh, And they're all laughing at me, and I came down here and absolutely love it. | |
| I was sort of a northern redneck, at least according to my friends. | |
| I just like the attitude down here. | |
| I like Governor Kemp saying, hey, we're going to do what we do, all right? | |
| We're going to roll the dice. | |
| And what's that looking like for you guys? | |
| Because it's very comparable to Texas, where we are, where I think a lot of people in New York, they think that folks in Georgia or folks in Texas are just throwing open the doors and going hog wild. | |
| And that's certainly not the case here. | |
| I would imagine. | |
| I think it's working out great. | |
| My wife went to a nail salon and she got products. | |
| I think it's working out great. | |
| I was just talking about that with my wife. | |
| These restaurants, they have permission to open now, and they're not even opening. | |
| The media's got everybody scared. | |
| I'm sorry, I don't want to use the word sham, but It's such, oh, the statistics you were just mentioning. | |
| Right. | |
| So right on the money. | |
| You know, if you're under 75 and you don't have lung cancer, you know, you don't have much to worry about. | |
| Let's be honest here. | |
| Right. | |
| This is a bad flu. | |
| Yeah. | |
| No, I think, and people tried to say that you were, you know, people were science deniers if you said that. | |
| It's like, well, hold on a second. | |
| Flu is 0.1 and the original death rates of, I'm not, I saw as low as, as low as 4, as high as 7. | |
| And really, let's say it's That's the least conservative estimate at this point, the most liberal estimate. | |
| In New York, from Cuomo, he said 0.5. | |
| That's still a lot closer to the flu. | |
| And certainly with young people, it's even lower. | |
| Yeah, that's remarkable to me that a lot of people aren't opening. | |
| And Nick, here's one thing that I think, this is why it always surprises me when people say like, oh, you're a comedian, but you're a conservative. | |
| You know, you used to get whenever they did a Comedy Central roast, they'd talk about you being a Republican. | |
| I go, well, hold on a second. | |
| At least we're self-aware, because, you know, we understand when they say there's a new normal. | |
| We don't have a restaurant with 200 capacity, and Anderson Cooper's not demanding that we only have 60 seats in there. | |
| Like, we are not affected, and these people in the media are not affected by the new normal nearly as much as the average American business owner or worker, and I think at least we have some self-awareness that, you know, we're privileged and that we don't have to worry about capacity, because that would destroy Georgia and Texas. | |
| I guess it would, but I tell you, I'm hearing comedians talk about, oh, stand-up's never gonna come back. | |
| Do you agree with any of that? | |
| No, I think they're pussies. | |
| We never shut down! | |
| What you're seeing right now, we never shut down. | |
| I went to my employees and I said, and I spoke with my legal counsel, you're my half-Asian lawyer, I said, there's an acceptable risk, and there's an unacceptable risk, and then everyone said, oh yeah, no, we're 99% sure that we got it in January, because two guys here we thought had it, and we do jujitsu in the office, so like, it's like they were, you know, breathing and sweating into our face, like dragging me to hell. | |
| So we all had it! | |
| Everybody's saying that they had it, but I'm not kidding you. | |
| I know I had it. | |
| In the middle of March, I went to Chicago, right? | |
| Oof. | |
| I shook hands. | |
| Two sold-out shows. | |
| Things are finally kicking. | |
| I'd sold out five out of my six last shows. | |
| Finally making the money that I've been wanting to make for years. | |
| Never been happier. | |
| Not complaining about getting on a goddamn plane. | |
| You poor son of a bitch! | |
| I said you poor son of a bitch, because I remember I was talking on the phone, and you were like, ah, you know, I don't want to have to be going there and doing hilarities in fucking Hasbro Heights, and now you're selling out theaters, and this thing hits because of the Chinese! | |
| Yeah, I know. | |
| Somebody has some bat wing soup, but anyway, I shook hands after both shows. | |
| I must have, I'm not kidding you, Steven, I must have shaken 200 hands after the shows, meet and greet. | |
| I walk into the green room and I go, hey, who's slice of pizza is that? | |
| They go, you can have it. | |
| That reminds me of Mr. Morogatou. | |
| Yeah, he never finishes the second half. | |
| It's okay, you can have it. | |
| As I'm finishing the crust, I go, oh jeez. | |
| I feel fine that night. | |
| This is true. | |
| I get home. | |
| I go to bed, I wake up about two in the morning, I have to use the bathroom, I get up and just like Cuomo said, my teeth were chattering and my whole body was convulsing. | |
| I have never had chills like that in my life. | |
| Went to sleep, soaked through my sheets and it happened the next night too. | |
| And I went to an urgent care, you know, it was in a parking lot behind an Applebee's in Fuller, Georgia. | |
| I'm sure it was a good one. | |
| Wow. | |
| Not sure why we needed the Applebee's. | |
| And they tested me, not for COVID, obviously, because this was early in the game, but they tested me for the regular flu. | |
| And I know I didn't have a fever because it broke the night before. | |
| So I test, but I know I've never had chills like that and never soaked through my sheets. | |
| I definitely... | |
| I think I picked something up at Zany's, ironically. | |
| Yeah, I think that you possibly have the worst luck imaginable. | |
| So here's what I will say. | |
| I want you to prepare yourself for the fact that we're going to get back to normal. | |
| Not a new normal. | |
| We'll get back, your show's going to be doing really well, you'll continue selling out live events, doing your stand-up, and then the United States will be hit by a tsunami. | |
| So that's how this ends. | |
| Why does it always have to be the Asian thing that ruins it? | |
| No, it's funnier that way, and Asians don't fight back. | |
| So, what am I going to do? | |
| Blame it on a black guy? | |
| You want to take my life in my hands, Nick? | |
| You're in Georgia. | |
| There are going to be people watching this who are of that ilk. | |
| I love that. | |
| I'm in Savannah. | |
| I've never been happier, man. | |
| I've just never been happier. | |
| Yeah, it is a friendly, it's funny. | |
| I don't know about, okay, since we've dipped, you know, we've walked into the racism closet, my experience That's what they call it, yeah. | |
| Well, I am, I am. | |
| You tell me about, if this is yours, my experience with black women who are older, like over the age of 50, is fantastic. | |
| Significantly above the societal average. | |
| They're always nice, you always make their day if you give them a compliment. | |
| But then, with black women my age, and Quarter Black Garrett has testified to this, far more grumpy. | |
| There's a weird generational gap where I almost... | |
| Yeah, absolutely. | |
| Oh, absolutely. | |
| I only date black women over 60. | |
| That's a good rule. | |
| There you go. | |
| That's how he got to COVID, was banging Aunt Jemima. | |
| So, uh, right. | |
| Listen, uh, Like, can't we have the Blaze or something? | |
| This is streaming. This is streaming everywhere. | |
| We've already been banned from YouTube because we ran a clip of doctors saying, like, yeah, we shouldn't lock everybody down, and Facebook banned our frickin' page, so I don't care. | |
| I know, I saw that guy, Eric said, there's a guy from the World Health Organization, was it today or yesterday, saying that Sweden is now the model we should be following. | |
| They don't know what the F they're talking about. | |
| Did I say F? | |
| You can say whatever you want, Nick. | |
| I don't really care. | |
| This is live. | |
| I never know with you. | |
| I came on years ago and I, you know, I demonetized your whole fucking thing. | |
| No, no, no, that's not true. | |
| You know, Nick puts on this front, but he's really a big softie at heart. | |
| Do you know how I know? | |
| Because when he was on my show for the second time, I was in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I remember because I was driving past Madcap, I picked up a cup of coffee. | |
| Huh. | |
| I get a call from Nick DiPaolo. | |
| Well, you know what? | |
| I shouldn't. | |
| It's illegal in Michigan because it's, you know, you have that authoritarian wench over there. | |
| I hung up. | |
| Okay. | |
| Then I get another call from Nick DiPaolo. | |
| Huh. | |
| Hang up. | |
| Ignore. | |
| Get another call from Nick DiPaolo. | |
| And as far as I'm concerned, if someone calls me three times in a row and doesn't text, someone must be dead. | |
| Instead, I pick up and Nick DiPaolo, this is, this is the very first thing. | |
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | |
| I go, what are you doing? | |
| I'm doing your podcast. | |
| They're doing a, trying to plug my show in Minneapolis. | |
| You got my face next to a picture of fucking Muhammad. | |
| You're the only one! | |
| in the Bob Ruskets and you were freaking out and I was so surprised. Yeah, that's, that, you're the only one. That's | |
| the only time I was a little bit scared. This is about two days after, you know, 8 Jews were slaughtered in France for | |
| drawing attorneys. Yes, it was. I remember, and I was a little, you know, I | |
| I like to let it die down here. | |
| Steve, no disrespect, but I'm going to get killed by a Muslim. | |
| I want it to be on my own terms. | |
| Right, yes. | |
| You'll write the satanic jokes. | |
| Nick DiPaolo, we do have to get going and watch the Bill Gates Illuminati Town Hall. | |
| Where's the best place for people to find you? | |
| NickDip.com, and we record it in the afternoon, drop it at 5 o'clock Eastern, and it's on Facebook and everywhere else, YouTube, and it's finally catching on, and you're an inspiration, Steve, so I appreciate it. | |
| Don't say that, because it'll be like that Blue Angels air show, where everyone followed the leader and went... | |
| I think so. | |
| Please follow somebody else. | |
| Bill Gates could be a good example. | |
| Thank you, Nick. | |
| We appreciate it, brother. | |
| Everyone, go to nickdip.com. | |
| One of the funniest men alive. | |
| Let's go to Bill Gates. | |
| He looks like an angry Muppet. | |
| like a angry Muppet animated you know it seems I was gonna say he looks like an | |
| albino gecko well They screen-tested him for Geico commercials. | |
| Now we're going to talk about vaccines. | |
| Right. | |
| They screen tested him for Geico commercials. | |
| But if we get to this point that we're talking about, Bill, with testing and having enough | |
| contact tracing, which you say, you know, we should be able to get to these things. | |
| If we use your microchipping, Bill Gates. | |
| Let me make sure I bring this up so I have it right because they'll fact check me if | |
| I say microchip. | |
| So first off, of course, you said that China did a good job. | |
| He trashed the United States response. | |
| He said that the World Health Organization is the best organization in the world at dealing with this stuff. | |
| Really? | |
| The organization that said it couldn't be transmitted through human-to-human contact? | |
| You Windows 2000-inventing prick! | |
| And then he said that we had no national tracking system, so he praised South Korea. | |
| Does anyone else get absolutely terrified when we talk about contact tracing? | |
| Like, people are worried about, like, it's like, I don't want to, oh my God, on my iPhone, I don't want to accept cookies someone might, I better put a sticky note on it. | |
| Contact tracing so the South Korean government can dox me? | |
| Sure, sign me up! | |
| As long as it keeps me from experiencing I'll give you all my rights! | |
| Or what is it, the 80% that are asymptomatic or whatever the number is? | |
| It's incredibly high. | |
| Reg, you can fact check me on that. | |
| I think it's, I've heard anywhere from 25 to 40%. | |
| He's been pushing a nationwide shutdown of everything. | |
| And then what he wanted to install, let me bring this up from the Scientific American. | |
| You guys can bring it up. | |
| Contact tracing dye into children. | |
| So you can bring it up as an overlay because people can see it. | |
| It looks I mean, look at that. | |
| It looks like a chip. | |
| If it functions like a chip, really, it doesn't matter if you're saying a chip or not. | |
| It spikes going into the skin. | |
| It's on the research stock here. | |
| You see this? | |
| Yeah, that looks like a chip. | |
| And videos were removed for fact-checking, like, ah, you know, Bill Gates wants this, like, tracking chip. | |
| Like, it's a contact. | |
| Tell me that doesn't look like a chip! | |
| For crying out loud. | |
| Look at that! | |
| We don't want chips. | |
| No. | |
| You know what? | |
| Get the hell out of here. | |
| We've had enough of you two. | |
| Get the hell out of here. | |
| We don't want your dress! | |
| What is he wearing? | |
| Aqua socks? | |
| Come here real quick. | |
| Are those Toms? | |
| Come here, come here, hold on a second. | |
| Come here, hold on. | |
| Come here real quick. | |
| Come here real quick. | |
| Are those Toms? | |
| Just so I can give you a foot. | |
| But they don't show when he wears his Vans. | |
| She wears her- Look at this. | |
| Malouf and Gates apparently was going to a beach. | |
| And it was in the Pacific Northwest because it was going to be rocky. | |
| And then you're wearing your Steven Spielberg autistic New Balance shoes. | |
| Seriously. | |
| Get the hell out if only for the shoe wear. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| If only for the shoe wear. | |
| Don't be back. | |
| So, this is, I want to make sure that I have this right. | |
| Hey, actually, can we bring up Reg the Research Bandit? | |
| Can you give me a quick recap of, uh, I remember contact tracing dye, and it looking very much like a chip, and it was specifically to provide information, this is what I remember, specifically providing information so that people could know which children had been vaccinated, and, you know, could star in the next episode of Black Mirror. | |
| Reg, do I have that about correct? | |
| Yeah, it's essentially an under the skin tattoo. | |
| And it seems to make sense insofar as that you think, well, then you don't need to carry around your vaccination records everywhere with you. | |
| But then the problem is, that you have this global system of control and tracking | |
| people. | |
| Yeah, well... | |
| It's a small price to pay for not having to carry papers. | |
| You know, because you couldn't just take a picture of them and keep them in your phone. | |
| Right. | |
| You have any ways. | |
| Next time you go on the Mr. Toad ride in Disney World, it sounds like, | |
| It's a small world, aaaah! | |
| Wow. | |
| Not sure why. | |
| Well, that's what they sing at the Mr. Toad ride. | |
| I don't know why. | |
| It's been imprinted in my brain like a microchip because I remember waiting in that line for three hours and the ride sucked. | |
| Fact check that, Reg! | |
| It was two hours. | |
| You get angry at Reg for no reason. | |
| Alright, let's go back to Bill Gates and see what else he has to say. | |
| We do have a lot of giveaways. | |
| Any time. | |
| Can we do a giveaway? | |
| Well, let's do it after the next commercial break. | |
| Alright, we're doing the commercial break here. | |
| It would be brought to bear and they'd have very clear advice on things like testing prioritization. | |
| So that is a deep set of skills where they're getting input from all the states, but in the entire world, that's the best group of people. | |
| There's an opportunity here for them to help with testing prioritization, and I hope they'll seize it. | |
| I agree with Sanjay right now. | |
| I'm also confused as to what the hell he's saying. | |
| You don't want to look too much in the rearview mirror in terms of what went right or what went wrong there. | |
| We should be listening to doctors like Bill Gates. | |
| Yes, exactly! | |
| Well no, Bill Gates is safe because everything he says goes along with the World Health Organization. | |
| Including Taiwan what? | |
| And it cannot be transmitted through human-to-human contact. | |
| Here's the thing, do you know how... | |
| Do you know what my qualifications are, personally, in dispensing medical advice? | |
| About the same as Bill Gates. | |
| They're almost exactly comparable. | |
| So neither are qualified. | |
| Except if you're not responsible for Vista. | |
| Or Microsoft Paint. | |
| Or the Zune. | |
| You didn't have all the PCR machines activated to do those tests. | |
| So, you know, some places listened to what was being said in January and did those things and some did not. | |
| Wait, hold on a second. | |
| Some places listened to them in January. | |
| He's talking about the World Health Organization. | |
| This matters, this is what matters the most about this. | |
| The left, because they have an echo chamber here, right, and they don't, have you seen, by the way, has anyone seen them provide any sources at all? | |
| By the way, Sanjay Gupta jogging in short pants doesn't count, okay? | |
| They haven't shown any sources whatsoever, and just now, they're completely unaccountable, so they never get called on their shit. | |
| They never have to correct it. | |
| And Bill Gates right now just said, we could have been following the advice in January. | |
| In January, the World Health Organization, to whom you are the second largest donor outside of the United States as a whole, and the same World Health Organization, Bill Gates, whom you said were the best at handling these kinds of crises throughout the history of mankind, told the world through Twitter that it couldn't be transmitted from human to human contact! | |
| So if we were to follow their advice, Bill, what would we have done, Mr. Gates? | |
| They also didn't like travel bans either. | |
| They thought that that could lead to racism and other problems. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It would not be effective. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Permatattoo. | |
| Chip. | |
| By the way, it's a chip. | |
| Never mind. | |
| I was going to say. | |
| It's not a chip. | |
| It's happenstance that the QR code has the numbers six three times in it in a row. | |
| Oh, wow. | |
| Coincidence. | |
| Also, we prefer that you put it on your forehead if possible. | |
| But sure, sure, we leave the choice to you. | |
| Or your hand. | |
| Or your hand. | |
| Either way. | |
| Or your hand. | |
| Or your hand. | |
| We leave the choice to you. | |
| To activate it, you have to bow down and pray. | |
| Oh, look! | |
| For Hersey! | |
| Look! | |
| Do you hear those horns? | |
| You'll figure out different ways of applying those things. | |
| So I think every month, the therapy story Uh, they'll have some good news. | |
| There's a lot of trials out in various countries. | |
| The list of things being tried is very long. | |
| Uh, the one I'd have to say I'm the most optimistic about is taking antibodies and manufacturing those, you know, finding the best antibody that a human has made. | |
| Did you notice that Bill Gates speaks exactly like Trump, but because he's a nerd, he'll give him more respect? | |
| There are a lot of things. | |
| Let me just say exactly what he just said about Donald Trump. | |
| There are a lot of things that we could do, and we're looking into more things. | |
| The one that's most promising is the antibodies, and we're looking at the best antibodies. | |
| Just because he has glasses and hasn't been laid in half a century, we're supposed to respect his opinion more. | |
| Melinda is a saint. | |
| How dare you. | |
| to that. Melinda is a saint. How dare you. Or a beard. | |
| Bill, just stay with us. We're going to take a There has been no fucking reporting! | |
| about the latest uh... reporting hope of that they will continue to have a look at it | |
| he's coming up for a while does that feel better about the uh... therefore | |
| We also have a game we can play. | |
| I don't want to play the game tonight. | |
| They say, my therapist said, that when you're really mad, to make sure that you don't take it out on anybody, find an isolated place and scream into the void. | |
| CNN works just as good. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It is the abyss. | |
| Live to many, many tens of thousands of people. | |
| That's not an isolated place. | |
| The only people who might be affected are people in the Atlanta airport on layover. | |
| That's true. | |
| And I hate them. | |
| All right, what's the next giveaway here? | |
| What do we have? | |
| We're gonna have to double up some of these. | |
| Yeah, we're gonna have to do two giveaways really quickly. | |
| We're giving away the Optimus Prime. | |
| Give away the Optimus Prime. | |
| Did I win that one? | |
| No. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| There it is. | |
| There's the Optimus Prime. | |
| The Target employee. | |
| The Target employee. | |
| Hold on a second. | |
| We'll do, because we have clips for all these giveaways, right? | |
| So here's what we can do. | |
| Can you layer them up so I can do three giveaways and then we can just run those sketches? | |
| Does that work? | |
| Yes. | |
| Okay, don't worry. | |
| Garrett can work on that. | |
| Let me know when you're ready to do that. | |
| So this Optimus Prime, right, is actually from our Can you say it? | |
| Can I say the word? | |
| My Little Transgender Individual. | |
| My Little Transgender Individual Formers. | |
| And then we are also giving away, this will be signed by me. | |
| This will be actually not signed by me, but it'll be signed in Mandarin. | |
| Cantonese. | |
| Damn it. | |
| I always forget about the economics. | |
| You will also be drawing something on it. | |
| Oh, it's true. | |
| Penis. | |
| So we're giving away the Optimus Prime, Bill's gavel, half-Asian Bill's gavel, and we are also going to be giving away, I believe we have this coming up here, is the Operation game that was the Bernie Sanders edition. | |
| For people who don't remember it, that is terrifying. | |
| I don't even know who that is. | |
| Batman? | |
| Is that person on the payroll? | |
| I think it's Tim from Asia. | |
| Okay, now I know. | |
| Pretty sure that's Wuhan Batman. | |
| Ah, the bad, I got it. | |
| Quick, Robin, do you have antibodies in that utility belt? | |
| No, just AIDS. | |
| Fresh out. | |
| Fresh out, but I have the shark repellent. | |
| Why are you such a fag, Robin? | |
| It's totally useless. | |
| Holy homophobia! | |
| Holy homophobia, Batman! | |
| That's right. | |
| Correct. | |
| Don't you forget it. | |
| Look at the hair, it's so realistic. | |
| Yeah, so that's the Bernie Operation. | |
| And then we also have one more we are going to be giving away. | |
| So we have this Optimus Prime, this gavel, this Bernie Sanders Operation game, which by the way, little known story about this Bernie Sanders Operation game. | |
| One day we'll have the outtakes. | |
| This was right after Bernie Sanders had the actual operation on his heart. | |
| Yes, that's right! | |
| Do you remember this, Audrey? | |
| That's right! | |
| Okay, AudioLed, you tell the story. | |
| He says you remember it. | |
| We were in there. | |
| You'll see this in the commercial in just about 30 seconds. | |
| We were in there where I was Bernie on the operating table. | |
| What happened? | |
| Yeah, so it was, I think, two days after he had the heart attack, and I think you were laying on there thinking, and I think you said out loud, have we thought through this? | |
| I said, is this too soon? | |
| I'm going to just go on the record, for my own credibility, they did not call me. | |
| They did not call you. | |
| Not at all, no. | |
| And then finally, the other giveaway. | |
| So we can pair these up, because we have so many. | |
| The final giveaway here for this break. | |
| Look, they're back from the town hall. | |
| Gosh, I have to pee. | |
| Bringing it is the Rock'Em Sock'Em Rabbis. | |
| That was a commercial that you guys were big fans of. | |
| The Rock'Em Sock'Em. | |
| Is there someone? | |
| Bill Gates can make a Windows program, but he can't bring me a frickin' board game? | |
| Oh, we have another. | |
| Yeah, my cousin. | |
| You might need to go to the long shot. | |
| There we go. | |
| Wow. | |
| And that's our that's our new intern. | |
| So hope you didn't send out any other applications. | |
| Yeah. | |
| She did the Asian laugh, too! | |
| I told you! | |
| Oh, that ain't funny! | |
| Yeah, well, they're not going to be hiring you at the Clinique. | |
| We have a whole Asian now. | |
| I've ruined so many lives. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| OK, so we have the Transformer. | |
| We have Bill's Gavel. | |
| We have the Operation Game, Bernie Edition. | |
| Rock'em Sock'em Rabbis. | |
| Do we have it all teed up as a commercial? | |
| We have it all teed up. | |
| So for those of you who missed it, these were the commercials. | |
| Some of the best stuff from Loud Earth Crowded. | |
| We'll be giving all of these away, and we'll announce the winners after this break. | |
| My little train, my little train. | |
| My little train, my little train. | |
| Don't worry, my little train. | |
| Here, you can use whatever restroom you like. | |
| Thanks, Optimus Prime! | |
| My Little Tr**ny. | |
| Available exclusively at Target. | |
| Chino. | |
| Cortita. | |
| Como un bebe. | |
| Viva el mente de reyes sus creantes. | |
| Te rompen la mitad. | |
| Doctor! | |
| I've got campaign finance pain! | |
| You've got larceny in your heart! | |
| Your arteries are clogged! | |
| OPERATION! | |
| You should've taken drugs! | |
| OPERATION! | |
| Your back is off the charts! | |
| You need a baboon heart! | |
| Operation, remove the pieces and collect your fee. | |
| But don't touch the aortic valve! | |
| Operation by Bernie Sanders. | |
| Rockin' Sockin' Rabbis! | |
| Oh boy! | |
| Rock'em Sock'em Rabbis! | |
| Boom! | |
| Right in the kipper! | |
| Press the buttons! | |
| Move the joystick thingies! | |
| Knock his kipper to the floor! | |
| Right in the boonum! | |
| You're the winner! | |
| He's just like me! | |
| Best two out of three? | |
| Dad, you're my best friend. | |
| Rock'em Sock'em Rabbis! | |
| By Milton Bradston. | |
| So, uh, it was funny about the time when I had to go and jump into the pool to film the hippo scene. | |
| How was it there? | |
| How was it? | |
| You know, so a couple funny points out of that. | |
| One, you know, there are certain, you know, have you ever heard the story where, like, if you throw a frog in a hot water, he's gonna, like, jump out, but if you just, like, Turn the heat up. | |
| I look back at three or four years ago. | |
| What is every review about boiling live animals? | |
| It's just culture. | |
| You gotta talk about what you know, right? | |
| And I remember all the things that I wouldn't do on this show, and that I was asked to do, and then of all the things that my wife was like, really? | |
| You stood in for a hippo? | |
| That was the thing! | |
| That was the thing! | |
| She was like, whatever, and I was like, But I look good. | |
| I wore my suit. | |
| You look good. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I did a good hippo. | |
| I threw the suit away. | |
| I didn't worry about it. | |
| But this is the actual gavel. | |
| It was in the pool. | |
| Alright. | |
| Read the winner to the giveaway. | |
| Let's go. | |
| Our first winner. | |
| Tony H. and a Texas. | |
| Optimist Prime. | |
| Optimist Prime. | |
| Going straight to you. | |
| Next one. | |
| Evan T. Fort Worth, Texas. | |
| Nice. | |
| The gavel. | |
| Mark Y. Is that Marky or Mark Y? | |
| Mark Y Battleground. | |
| Indiana. | |
| It's on the screen! | |
| What do you mean you're trying to late-dox him? | |
| How funny would it be if Corinne's last name was like Muskowitz? | |
| Actually, that would be perfect. | |
| I think it would be. | |
| That's everybody. | |
| That's everybody so far. | |
| By the way, the promo code is QUARANTINE. | |
| You get $30 off. | |
| It expires tonight. | |
| This is the end of Mug Club Quarantine Month. | |
| And you can let us know what you want more of after this month. | |
| We'll be taking one week off. | |
| One week. | |
| We're not actually all gonna be gone for a week. | |
| We actually have some stuff to do behind the scenes to prepare for super videos going forward because a lot of these have been thrown for a loop. | |
| And importantly, when we come back on May 11th, we'll be announcing the grand prize winner, who will be flying out here to be in studio, in the audience, in the show. | |
| First time we've ever done it. | |
| Amazing. | |
| Incredible. | |
| I can't tell you who it is, but we're pretty sure they'll have a lot of vowels in their last name. | |
| Other than that, it seems like we're cleaning out the prop closet, and that's what the giveaway is. | |
| Totally untrue. | |
| Dude, don't say that. | |
| It does seem like that is a component to this. | |
| Is this the moment we get to fire Gerald? | |
| Or... | |
| I don't know. | |
| He's the co-host equivalent of Tenured. | |
| Since Gerald is the smartest person here, like most professors, but yet... You know there's people asking that, like, what dirt does Gerald have on Steven that he's still on the show? | |
| Oh, I don't know how many times you've seen my penis. | |
| Do you pronounce your name Gerald? | |
| Do you mispronounce your own name? | |
| I don't think you can. | |
| Who's calling, however you pronounce it? | |
| I don't know if there's a G-E-R-A-L-D. | |
| We got a G-E-R-A-L-D in the Rosacea Challenge. | |
| He's over here trying to catch up. | |
| Well, first, let's actually fact check CNN for a little bit. | |
| I'm sorry, they really haven't been giving us much. | |
| It's just Bill Gates saying, we want the best antibodies. | |
| Let's see what he's talking about right now as he sniffs farts. | |
| Antibodies, finding some of these super antibodies and then essentially cloning them and turning them I like super antibodies. | |
| I'm Bill Gates and I approve these farts. | |
| The cameraman is like, seriously Bill, stop moving. | |
| Yes, that's monoclonal antibodies and that's the factory that the Foundation Therapeutic Accelerator Group reserved. | |
| Did he say Bilderbergs? | |
| And he's laughing. | |
| That was a good one. | |
| It leaves an aftertaste on the palate. | |
| Disgusting. | |
| CNN just posted a question, how do we improve African nations response to COVID-19? | |
| And the name of the person who posted it was Arian. | |
| Yes. | |
| Like, with a Y? | |
| R-E-L. | |
| They did A-R-Y-A-N. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| Well, you know they're going to run it again because they're not getting that many tweets. | |
| Please. | |
| No, but they're watching this so we're going to take it down, so good thing we're recording this. | |
| You know what? | |
| Nothing brings me more joy than knowing that Chris Cuomo is in the green room right now with his iPhone going, shit! | |
| Who's on my account? | |
| Someone timecode that. | |
| Someone out there in the control room timecode that because I want to go back and find that tweet with Arian. | |
| You sure? | |
| I'm sure. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| Well you're probably more sensitive to that thing. | |
| Only my bottom half. | |
| They've literally done this Frank Cologne question a thousand times. | |
| And I get infected if I swim in the ocean. | |
| Is COVID in water? | |
| He live tweeted it to the World Health Organization. | |
| He's just spamming everybody. | |
| thousand times can I get infected if I swim in the ocean? | |
| Is COVID in water? | |
| He live-streamed it to the World Health Organization. He's just spamming everybody | |
| because he wants to know if he can go to Cape Cod this summer. | |
| I've already got tickets. | |
| I now feel bad for calling out the Aryan thing. | |
| Don't feel bad. | |
| Yeah, because some intern's going to get fired. | |
| They're going to go down, they're going to be like, interns, who did that? | |
| And Chris Cuomo's going to raise his hand. | |
| I was filling in. | |
| Chris, why are you here again? | |
| It's going to be Chris Cuomo's wife, because like, work your way up. | |
| Start with a health blog, advocating crystals, then start screening the tweets for CNN, then hopefully I get a 12pm slot. | |
| There's almost none of these constructs that don't have some problem. | |
| But, you know, hey, we're here to solve problems. | |
| PM is new. Everyone does that. Are you kidding? The Carson Daily Hour. Their manufacturing | |
| challenge is also very large. There's almost none of these constructs that don't have some | |
| problem. But you know, hey, we're here to solve problems. | |
| This is the most important tool, the most urgent tool mankind has to invent. Yeah, I mean, | |
| that's why we're spending so much time talking about vaccines. But once we get to that point, | |
| there's seven billion roughly people. | |
| By the way, assuming that we get a vaccine, and obviously I'm pro-vaccine for COVID, but that also, you're assuming that everyone is going to take it. | |
| Or will want to take it. | |
| Flu vaccines, every year that we have, there's this gigantic number of people that just don't do it, including myself for a long time. | |
| What's the number of people who take flu vaccines per year? | |
| Reg can probably find it. | |
| I think it's under 20%. | |
| I would bet it's really low. | |
| I bet older people take it a lot. | |
| People susceptible to stuff like that would do it, but everybody else is like, eh, whatever. | |
| But why are they, again, moving the goalposts? | |
| Now it's about the vaccine. | |
| We can't do anything until the vaccine. | |
| So here's the thing that we need to be clear about with Bill Gates. | |
| You can bring this up as an overlay. | |
| He thinks we should have a permanent lockdown of everything until we have the vaccine. | |
| No. | |
| Absolutely not. | |
| Well, I know. | |
| Don't argue with me. | |
| I'm arguing with him. | |
| They said it's going to come out in January. | |
| $11 billion is like, you know, guys, don't worry. | |
| Don't worry. | |
| I'll be safe. | |
| He's going to be sitting there with his harem. | |
| We're all in this together, guys. | |
| Everybody's out mad maxing it around. | |
| By Aram, I mean Gerald's favorite, the cast of Cats. | |
| Really what I mean is he's gonna have Idris Elba and the clones that he could afford to make. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| In a hot tub. | |
| Someone just asked, will there ever be a home test kit for COVID-19? | |
| Are they an idiot? | |
| What's up with Mr. Mistoffelees from Cats? | |
| I mean, oh man. | |
| You know the names, I don't. | |
| Someone just asked, will there ever be a home test kid for COVID-19? | |
| Are they idiots? | |
| There already is one. | |
| There's already a home antibody test. | |
| I think it's from Quest, if I'm not mistaken. | |
| I think it's from Quest Labs. | |
| I'm sure. | |
| What was that that was just brought up? | |
| I think that was the percentage of people that get the flu vaccine. | |
| Oh, what was the number? | |
| It hovers around 40%. | |
| Looks like 40. | |
| 40? | |
| Okay, that's higher than I thought. | |
| I was wrong. | |
| 17, 18, which was the worst year, was 37%. | |
| So a little bit of a dip. | |
| I did like this question that just came up before, which was, can you get a flu test that's positive and have COVID-19? | |
| I do think that's an interesting question. | |
| Yeah, they won't answer it. | |
| Because then again, the comorbidity... Honey, text me if you know the answer. | |
| The comorbidity question is really important because if you're able to have the flu and COVID at the same time... Oh, that would suck. | |
| I mean, yeah, it's gonna suck. | |
| And would we be surprised if there was a higher incident of deaths for people who have the flu and COVID? | |
| I wouldn't be surprised. | |
| Hold on one second. | |
| Okay, right now, what was the last question I asked Reg to research? | |
| I think it was the number of people, percentage, that get the flu shot. | |
| No, no, I asked him. | |
| Oh, there's one more? | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| That Aryan thing? | |
| No, it wasn't the Aryan thing. | |
| Quest Diagnostics. | |
| Quest Diagnostics! | |
| Yeah, that's right. | |
| I think it's Quest Diagnostics who came up with a home antibody test. | |
| We're already drunk. | |
| Because I think it's pathology... | |
| There you go. | |
| Antibody test. | |
| So that's an antibody test, not just a COVID test. | |
| But that tells you if you've ever actually had the disease. | |
| And then I think it's, if I'm not mistaken, pathology laboratories. | |
| I'm not entirely sure. | |
| Maybe it's LabCorp. | |
| They have, you know, quick testing stations set up in Walgreens. | |
| In a lot of Walgreens. | |
| So these are dumb questions. | |
| Now here's the challenge, though, right now. | |
| And I know all of us are not paying attention. | |
| We're all trying to see that Aryan question circulate. | |
| We are. | |
| That's the only thing we're looking for now. | |
| So here is the challenge. | |
| For, I don't know if we can set a timer, for two minutes we are not to talk. | |
| We are just to listen to CNN. | |
| The promo code is quarantine because earn this. | |
| For two minutes we will watch After which, we'll see if there's anything to actually verify, confirm is correct, or fact check. | |
| But for two minutes... Alright. | |
| Hold on, I have one question. | |
| What? | |
| Can I stand up and shake my fist at the screen if I get really pissed? | |
| You absolutely can. | |
| Okay, great. | |
| As a matter of fact, I'd be disappointed if you didn't because it would look like an angry small child. | |
| And that's good. | |
| It's funny. | |
| It is. | |
| It's funny, because it's an angry small child, but it's the first, like, angry small child I can hit legally. | |
| I wouldn't, but I know that if I really needed to, you could. | |
| No, no, I added that in the contract. | |
| You're allowed to. | |
| Nice! | |
| Wow! | |
| That's fantastic. | |
| Nice man. | |
| Too bad Bill Gates didn't cosign. | |
| Two minutes, everybody! | |
| Two minutes, and all of you at home can write down your notes, so we can hopefully all... Let's everyone here write down your notes, and then we can see if we all have the same thing we want to fact check. | |
| Ooh, a game! | |
| Two minutes. | |
| Start now. | |
| And so, you know, Germany, for example, has done things well, but they did have the benefit that they saw Italy being overwhelmed and their exposure came after Italy, so they were able to respond. | |
| But now the exposure in Sweden and Germany were about at the same time. | |
| If you look at the IHME, which is a group that we fund, if you look at their forecast, you had Chris Murray on earlier, You look at the death rate in Sweden versus Germany that they forecast, it's way higher up in Sweden. | |
| You know, somebody can decide, a politician, if that's what really happens, was it worth it? | |
| You know, that's what this is all about, is if you open ActivityX, you know, are you willing to accept a somewhat higher health burden because of that? | |
| Sweden, you know, they made their decision, they seem happy with their decision, but they are forecast to have substantially higher death rate than most other countries. | |
| One of the things in your paper that I thought was really particularly interesting were all the things that we need to learn about the virus, like if it is weather dependent, how many people never get symptoms but are contagious, what symptoms mean, you should get tested. | |
| I mean, there's so much we still don't know about this. | |
| Yeah, there are many countries Uh, where the epidemic is not nearly as intense, uh, as we would expect. | |
| And so is it just a delayed effect? | |
| Is there something about the vaccines they get in their youth? | |
| You know, people think this BCG vaccine might, you know, be a helpful thing. | |
| We don't know. | |
| And so we have to assume it's going to be as bad in all those countries. | |
| Uh, you know, in the Southern hemisphere, you have Brazil, Australia, South Africa have cases, so they're not completely immune, even though the force of infection may be less. | |
| You famously talked about preparing for a pandemic. | |
| That's two minutes! | |
| Okay, hold on a second! | |
| Reg, the research bandit, please bring up Sweden and the fact that they failed to protect and acknowledge their infirm and their older people with their nursing homes. | |
| They had a similar situation to New York. | |
| And if you look at Sweden, Sweden is actually middle of the pack compared to Europe. | |
| He specifically took Germany and Sweden because he tried to take a country that had very severe measures and also took an early stance. | |
| And frankly, they have different demographics comparing it directly to Sweden, which is directly middle of the pack. | |
| You know what would be an accurate comparison as well would be Sweden versus Belgium, Sweden versus France. | |
| Sweden vs. UK. | |
| Sweden vs. Spain. | |
| Italy. | |
| I don't know why he only picked Germany, because it's the one country, I guess, in Western civilization that is actually doing significantly better than the United States, and that's because of a very homogenous culture, an authoritarian government who's very comfortable with removing people's private rights, and they suck. | |
| Here's the thing. | |
| Germany, good on you. | |
| You got coronavirus right. | |
| But when it comes to world wars, you're responsible for, still, all of them, if we're keeping a tally. | |
| So, it's a trade-off. | |
| I mean, please bring up Sweden. | |
| You're gonna hold that against them still? | |
| If someone thinks that I'm making it up in regards to Sweden, just bring up the deaths per million and look at Sweden. | |
| They didn't take any measures at all, which we are not even advocating, and they're... | |
| Far better off than some countries who took very strict measures. | |
| Not saying they're the best, not saying they're the worst. | |
| But that's actually the strongest counter-argument to what Bill Gates is saying, because if Sweden were definitively the best, then we would know, and we'd be basing it off that data. | |
| If they were definitively the worst, he would have the best case here that he could make. | |
| Instead, it's like Starsky and Hutch, where they were trying to find out if a guy was named big because he was small, ironic, and he's 5'10", which is just about average. | |
| That's Sweden. | |
| It's right in the middle. | |
| It's not an argument for either side. | |
| Wow. | |
| That's a terrible argument. | |
| Like Ohio! | |
| Well, nobody cares about Ohio. | |
| By the way, my wife has texted me and she said, yes, you can get both the flu, like seasonal flu and COVID-19. | |
| At the same time. | |
| At the same time. | |
| Right. | |
| How much you want to bet if you die? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Which one's gonna be on the list? | |
| Which one's gonna be on the list. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Well, she did put a stethoscope on your ass, and so I'm not sure if we should take it. | |
| I hate to tell you this. | |
| It's gospel. | |
| I think your wife may be retarded. | |
| She's not! | |
| You take it back! | |
| How dare you? | |
| Good lord! | |
| I told her to. | |
| Actually, she's not. | |
| Honestly, if you're gonna check for a pulse, there's probably a... There's no better place! | |
| There's a lot of blood flow required to keep this tissue alive! | |
| That's true. | |
| There's a large, large amount. | |
| Pathways... | |
| Look at it! | |
| Hey, Kim Kardashian, sit down. | |
| I don't feel like it. | |
| Where's that lighter? | |
| So you know, when you open this, the butane starts coming out. | |
| Okay, let's go back to Bill Gates. | |
| We do have that graph. | |
| It has Belgium, UK, Italy, and Sweden all highlighted. | |
| I am still amazed that Sweden is lower than the UK. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Totally open. | |
| Never shut down. | |
| By the way, Promo Code Warranty. | |
| They removed Arian. | |
| They did. | |
| The one right after it was J. Warren. | |
| Can you rewind people who are watching the live stream? | |
| We have the tweet. | |
| Oh! | |
| Oh! | |
| Holy shit! | |
| We got it! | |
| Can someone put Reg, Reg, Reg the Research Bandit, please bring up all of the air, what | |
| Arian, Tilda, search his tweets. | |
| Please bring up all of their tweets. | |
| Are they black? | |
| I wanna see if CNN just got trolled by a white supremacist. | |
| Which by the way, I always suspected Sanjay Gupta of being in bed with, and that means, that's saying a lot because I ended a phrase with a... | |
| He's had a lot of drinks. | |
| Did you just say you ended a sentence with a parallelogram? | |
| Hey, that's the guy right there. | |
| I don't understand the reference. | |
| Put it up again. | |
| Twitter picture, put it up. | |
| I've never seen a greater white wolf than the one on that show. | |
| Alright, so these... okay, maybe not. | |
| I've never seen a greater white wolf than the one on that shirt. | |
| But I'm just saying, why pick that name? | |
| Hey, maybe it's ironic. | |
| Is there any person that black in the world named Arian? | |
| Not on purpose. | |
| Did his mother pick his name off a hate crime watch list? | |
| It was to appease the angry white people. | |
| I feel like this is one of my mom jokes with my aunts, and they're like, skinny Billy. | |
| And I'm like, damn it, mom. | |
| That stings. | |
| She said it's per CDC. | |
| Now, you know, we can trust them. | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| We can trust her. | |
| It wasn't just her opinion. | |
| Oh, only nine minutes until Chris Cuomo. | |
| Oh boy. | |
| What you've all been waiting for. | |
| The secrets of the Aryan Brotherhood. | |
| I am excited about seeing him. | |
| Dr. Cuomo? | |
| Yeah, because everything he says is ridiculous. | |
| He makes these facial expressions that just make you want to punch a guy. | |
| It's exciting. | |
| Yeah, and he's much more entertaining than Anderson Cooper. | |
| This has been one of the most boring shows I've ever seen. | |
| He was better on the mole. | |
| He wasn't better in anything. | |
| He has Bill Gates and Dr. Sanjay Gupta up there. | |
| That's the problem with Gerald A. He can't give credit where it's due. | |
| I can't. | |
| He won't even give it up for Gerald B.' 's | |
| Lamprey. | |
| He still won't eat it. | |
| What an amazing! | |
| And you lose all credibility. | |
| That little prick. | |
| Put him in this chair. | |
| I'm telling you. | |
| With his dumb mouth open thing. | |
| No, no. | |
| If Gerald B wins an Oscar, you're going to have to eat a crow. | |
| You're going to eat some serious crow. | |
| Because I will eat a lot of crow. | |
| Where's that giveaway? | |
| What's that number on the menu? | |
| Oh, number 7. | |
| Humble pie. | |
| No. | |
| Not gonna do it. | |
| I'm gonna work on my pose. | |
| You know what? | |
| It's okay. | |
| Guess what? | |
| You don't need to. | |
| I ordered it for you at Humble Pie Shack. | |
| I can do it too! | |
| I just did it! | |
| They do to-go and pick up right now. | |
| Everyone's doing to-go and pick up. | |
| I'm gonna go pick you up four Humble Pies. | |
| And then you know what else? | |
| I'm gonna inject them into you. | |
| Anybody's not required. | |
| Inject them? | |
| Yeah, because I want to make sure that Humble Pie is running through your veins for the rest of all time. | |
| And I want you to remember this. | |
| Hey, look at me. | |
| For all your days. | |
| Forever. | |
| So do we have any chats? | |
| Do we have any chats? | |
| So Steven stole my soul, let's go to chats! | |
| We'll take a look. | |
| Did we find anything from Aryan guy? | |
| Well, Aryan only has three tweets. | |
| Okay, Reg, the research bandit. | |
| That's how you know he's a real account. | |
| Yeah, and two of them are hashtag CNN town hall. | |
| Okay, so let me see, what was the other two tweets? | |
| So, how do we improve African countries response and then how do we convince our government to take much strict ways to beat the coronavirus. | |
| Okay, but there's one more down there. | |
| And the other one is a response to an NBA video that just says, breathe out of nose. | |
| Anger-breathing, anger-breathing. | |
| It doesn't say anything, actually. | |
| Yeah, that's true. | |
| It's just an emoji. | |
| It's emotion. | |
| Hey, if anyone thought it was, you know, confirmed that they thought it was a concern, it was the fact that it came back around and they took them off. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Someone at CNN is watching this. | |
| Okay, here's one thing. | |
| It's a loop. | |
| Oh gosh. | |
| He just comes back from break and he's looking at the monitor gaily. | |
| And now there's nothing wrong with that. | |
| Only he tries to cover it up. | |
| There's always this internal struggle with Anderson Cooper because he's out of the closet, but he tries to cover it up. | |
| Unless Captain Griffin's on or something and he just can't contain himself. | |
| But he comes back from the break and he's sitting there and he's like... | |
| And it's like, come on! | |
| Just let your freak flag fly, man! | |
| Are you talking about Gerald? | |
| No, this man is straight. | |
| Oh, I'm not saying you're straight. | |
| I'm his accountability partner. | |
| I'm just saying they do the same thing. | |
| By the way, your software still sends the monthly report to me. | |
| Weird stuff. | |
| So here's the thing. | |
| Let's look at the process. | |
| CNN, this is how you know CNN is watching us right now. | |
| Because CNN chose that tweet. | |
| It's not an automated software. | |
| They chose that tweet. | |
| It made it through their screeners. | |
| It made it into the rotation of 9 to 12 tweets because that's about all they have. | |
| And only when we brought up that it seemed like a troll because it was a black man named Aryan asking about Africa, only after all of those fail safes failed, but we caught it, did they remove it from the rotating door of tweets. | |
| I'm sending them an invoice. | |
| You should. | |
| You just saved them a lawsuit. | |
| In case you had to wonder why media is dead, you can't trust people who run a white supremacist tweet. | |
| You shouldn't! | |
| Look at him! | |
| That's the white supremacist I ever saw one! | |
| Hey guys, you know what? | |
| This is the real news here. | |
| Is he talking about his baby? | |
| Is he? | |
| What am I trying to figure out? | |
| Are these kidnapping photos? | |
| Okay, hold on a second. | |
| We're here to fact check CNN. | |
| Don't come back without a baby, HR. | |
| Just so you know, the reason why we're not right now is because Anderson... Okay, here. | |
| Fact check. | |
| There are no butt babies. | |
| Fact-checked. | |
| False. | |
| He photoshopped it. | |
| There are no but babies. | |
| The technical term. | |
| Scientific term. | |
| Babies cannot be transmitted. | |
| Did you text your wife on that one? | |
| Are there or are there not but babies? | |
| Let's get confirmation. | |
| He's adorable. | |
| He's an adorable baby. | |
| Let's be clear. | |
| This is what CNN, they want us to just be like, it's a gay guy with a partner and they have a baby and they're supposed to be like, oh yeah, no questions. | |
| Yeah. | |
| He just, he drew the short straw by having Anderson Cooper as his father. | |
| You know how I know this is not Anderson Cooper's baby? | |
| That baby is already more expressive than Anderson Cooper has been in two hours. | |
| I mean, come on. | |
| See, now look. | |
| Actually, he kind of looks like... And can you get a hat that fits for your baby, Anderson Cooper? | |
| I feel like it's about to yell, Gryffindor! | |
| Does Anderson Cooper look like a... | |
| Head shaved Glenn Close? | |
| He does! | |
| You know what? | |
| If someone can bring up the image of Glenn Close and Hook as the male pirate, they look strikingly similar, only she had a beard. | |
| Which Anderson Cooper cannot grow. | |
| Anderson Cooper trying to smile is creepy. | |
| I feel like Anderson Cooper's like, I'm gonna end my boring show with baby pics! | |
| Pretty much. | |
| Jazz it up right at the very end. | |
| We're going to have Bill Gates come on here and not talk about the permanent microchip so that your children can have all of their information publicly available. | |
| And then we're going to show my baby without providing any biological answers. | |
| Dox the babies! | |
| They've shown the baby at least 19 times. | |
| Did our stream get cut? | |
| Because you said DOX the babies! | |
| I didn't mean it. | |
| Don't do it. | |
| We do have Glenn Close. | |
| Do we? | |
| No, that's Glenn Close. | |
| No, that is Glenn Close, but I want it next to Anderson Cooper. | |
| That is Anderson Cooper. | |
| It's Anderson Cooper with a beard. | |
| No, so those are both Glenn Close. | |
| No, no, do the one in pink of Glenn Close next to Anderson Cooper. | |
| Oh man, that's crazy. | |
| He is such a good actor. | |
| Wow. | |
| When Mr. Zucker, president of CNN, walked over to Anderson and said, who doubted me? | |
| Was it you? And Anderson's like, no, no, no, no. He said, hmm, the stelter box. No! No! No! That's what happened. | |
| Fact check it. Hey, so Reg, get on that. Do it. I dare you. | |
| Hey Reg, did you ever think that's what you'd be fact checking? Your super powers would be used for this. Oh, I | |
| see what Reg is doing. We have two more minutes. Don't do that. Look how long their commercial breaks are. | |
| They're four minutes long and we feel guilty about taking two and a half minutes to actually create original content. | |
| They run six minutes of Trivago. | |
| Let's give a couple more giveaways here. | |
| Okay, I will say this. | |
| This next one. | |
| And again, the promo code is quarantine. | |
| This is the end of Mug Club Quarantine. | |
| Hashtag Mug Club Quarantine. | |
| We appreciate every one of you who have been with us. | |
| And here's the thing. | |
| I know that a lot of you, sometimes there's a disconnect because we provide a lot of free content. | |
| Especially this month because we wanted to be with you. | |
| We know how lonely a lot of people were feeling out there. | |
| But do understand that with, you know, the YouTube.com slash Steven Crowder. | |
| Why am I doing that? | |
| HGTV backslash with the channel being demonetized. | |
| Obviously we have a couple of sponsors, and Black Rifle Coffee, fantastic, and obviously we have Walther, and ExpressVPN has come in to do a few spots here and there. | |
| But really, we are sponsored by viewers like you joining up at Mug Club. | |
| Otherwise, all the content ceases to be, so please do join up if you want this content to continue. | |
| And let us know! | |
| Let us know if you want more Good Morning Mug Club, what you want to see, because we've dumped a bunch of weird content this month. | |
| We just said, let's just try this stuff because we have the bandwidth and we have the time. | |
| Well, we already know the answer. | |
| What? | |
| People love it. | |
| What? | |
| I mean, people love the video game with Jean-Guy, they've loved... I'm not saying they loved it because they enjoyed it, but they did love laughing at you about it. | |
| Of course. | |
| I feel so bad for de Hidenado. | |
| He walked into a crap storm and had no idea. | |
| People love Gerald when he talks about on Mass Monday. | |
| Gerald is great at Mass Monday, I will say. | |
| They have respect for him now. | |
| Damn you, Bill, what I laugh at a joke about! | |
| Just me! | |
| Right under there! | |
| No, but it is really exciting because, you know, we're talking about the break next week, off air for a little while, but I'll tell you, it's so exciting the different things that are on the list to get filmed, that'll be ready for when we come back, and the different projects that we're working on. | |
| We can only do it because of Mug Club, because of the people who are listening on the podcast, people who are deciding to support, who are supporting despite everything that's going on, and people who are even gifting these to their friends. | |
| It's amazing. | |
| And people are re-upping even though they have time left on their subscriptions. | |
| Mug Club is better than Bernie Bros in every way. | |
| And, uh, okay, so let me go to this, and then you know what? | |
| Sorry, I hate to switch commercials up on you and stuff, but if we can do the same thing, we'll do, uh... I'll do it. | |
| Let's do it. | |
| Uh... Okay. | |
| This was actually probably my favorite sketch. | |
| Ever? | |
| Ever. | |
| Of the year. | |
| Of the year. | |
| Wow. | |
| Okay, alright. | |
| AudioWay, do you remember how I came in and I was like, I was a little late one morning? | |
| Right. | |
| And do you remember why I was late? | |
| It's the Ruxpin. | |
| I was late because I was finding the perfect soundbites for Suge Knight Ruxpin. | |
| I almost don't want to give this away. | |
| I want this on my desk. | |
| yes all that's right yes the perfect sound my trust find the perfect sound | |
| bites for sugar night rocks exactly I don't even remember yeah you can bring | |
| it okay sugar night rocks been let's bring this in this is I almost don't | |
| want to give this away I want this on my desk it's too late make another one | |
| quarter like I can make another one Tonight? | |
| No, don't make another one tonight. | |
| He's got people. | |
| So this is, look how much this looks like Suge Knight. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It is remarkable. | |
| So what was the story? | |
| I don't even know what prompted it, but we did... Yeah, it doesn't matter. | |
| We did a Suge Knight Ruxpin sketch, and I spent several hours that morning looking up the perfect actual soundbites from Suge Knight to put into a Teddy Ruxpin parody commercial. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And it was very responsible because I made everyone else's day late, but I think it yielded dividends. | |
| You'll see from the commercial. | |
| And then we also have, uh, right here, uh, this is, so we have a bag of sand from the beaches of Normandy. | |
| Oh my god, look at Chris Cuomo! | |
| He got a shorn! | |
| Oh, that's a self-haircut if I've ever seen one! | |
| Wow. | |
| That was Christina. | |
| What is Ti- He looks like Tintin! | |
| They're still talking about the baby. | |
| A little pass up there, yeah. | |
| What is wrong with Sanjay Gupta's face? | |
| It's like, what is he doing? | |
| I don't understand. | |
| OK. | |
| All right. | |
| This is a jar of, let me bring this up real quick, just because it's the first time we've seen Chris Cuomo's horrible face. | |
| It's amazing. | |
| I literally do not have language to kind of wrap my head around it and to explain it. | |
| But I think. | |
| I mean, I'm happy. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I'm happy to hear you. | |
| Whether talking about Chris's haircut or in a better way. | |
| And more important. | |
| Wow, that's a bad haircut. | |
| And you will honor the memory? | |
| of your loved ones in a way you never imagined through how you love this kid. | |
| And your waspy ass is going to... This is new! | |
| Oh my gosh! | |
| Breathe! | |
| Bill, breathe! | |
| He did say, that was pretty funny, your waspy. | |
| I know, because it sounded like wafty. | |
| Like wafty, like it's wind running through an empty alleyway. | |
| And you know we weren't going to get banned because you said asshats. | |
| So we have Suge Knight Ruxpin. | |
| This is a vial of sand from the Saving Private Ryan parody, the intro. | |
| Because we actually brought in the beaches of Normandy into our green screen. | |
| You'll get to see some behind the scenes there. | |
| How many pounds of sand? | |
| Hundreds of pounds. | |
| Many, many hundreds of pounds of sand. | |
| At least 50 bags. | |
| And to be clear, you're not just going to get this vial of sand. | |
| You will also get a signed Change My Mind banner from one of our actual lines, Change My Minds. | |
| Here, you can just walk in and hold it up there, Wuhan Batman. | |
| There we go. | |
| Trump is not racist. | |
| There you go. | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| Hey, am I the only one who thinks that Chris Cuomo, he looks like he's at, who was, what was that band that always had the eyes like they were on drugs? | |
| Was it ELO, was it, who was it? | |
| That doesn't narrow it down. | |
| Not ELO, it was like IFO, AFO, it was like a techno band where they always had the black pupils. | |
| No idea. | |
| Anyway, that's what Chris Coleman looks like. | |
| So, we have a vial of sand from the beaches of Normandy. | |
| We have the Suge Knight Ruxpin. | |
| And then, finally, we have one more here, actually, that we have to go get from the ceiling. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Really? | |
| It is because even Brendan put it up on the ceiling. | |
| He climbed it like it was a palm tree. | |
| He did. | |
| We have the giant Brian Stelter face. | |
| Let's bring this in here. | |
| Yeah, you can just bring him in. | |
| You don't have to wait. | |
| We're not so close. | |
| It's a giant Brian Stelter face and this is the one that even Brendan, if you guys remember that sequence where we showed the security camera footage live on air. | |
| He climbed up 60 feet. | |
| I saw that. | |
| And you had to have him sign a waiver after that if he was doing any of this going forward in the office. | |
| In blood. | |
| He had a rough day at school. | |
| He said none of the kids would talk to him. | |
| the Brian Stelter face. | |
| This will be a really short commercial break, and we will be right back with the winners, | |
| and then Chris Cuomo, which I've been looking forward to. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| That's why we're still here. | |
| One minute. | |
| He had a rough day at school. | |
| He said none of the kids would talk to him. | |
| I have an idea. | |
| Oh boy, Suge Knight Ruxpin. | |
| I swear to y'all, it's like this. | |
| I'm going to beat the dog s*** out of you. | |
| If a d*** is telling you that the police didn't do it, they a punk-ass d***. | |
| So if you ask me if I know who killed Tupac, I'm the d*** that said, hey, absolutely not. | |
| I'm going to f*** you up, man. | |
| That light is f***ing me up. | |
| They've got us surrounded! | |
| I don't know how much more we can take! | |
| Come on! | |
| Don't think like that! | |
| I promise you, after this, I'll buy everyone here a round of beer! | |
| Okay? | |
| Even Brandon! | |
| Thank you, sir! | |
| Was he gonna salute? | |
| He was gonna salute! | |
| That's not protocol! | |
| Corporal Black, tell me you have some good news for us! | |
| Right now, Captain! | |
| There's hardly anybody left! | |
| They took out Gathered, Trigger, you got ambushed, Vince Shapiro's gone, and it gets worse! | |
| It's not gonna get any worse! | |
| It's just box videos! | |
| It's all unboxings and makeup tutorials with training! | |
| Corporal Black! | |
| Corporal Black! | |
| I'm making up crap, but don't let me fool you! | |
| Tell me, tell me, tell me! | |
| Come on, tell me the answer. | |
| You can be my lover, but I'm a troubled dancer. | |
| Have the stutter. | |
| We are back live. | |
| We're hoping we're going to get some actual fact-checking of Chris Cuomo really quickly. | |
| But first, give us the winners. | |
| The winners are here. | |
| They are Nicholas C., he gets the Suge Knight bear. | |
| Nice. | |
| Stantee, Michigan. | |
| Hold on a second, there are no Aryans in here, correct? | |
| No, no Aryans. | |
| Yes, correct, we've pre-checked. | |
| Not a one. | |
| Next is Nick S., he wins the Jar of Sand. | |
| Nice. | |
| Joshua D. gets the D. | |
| The big stelter face. | |
| I think the Hodge twins, I think we're going to run out of time because we have to hit Cuomo here. | |
| So let them know and let Darren know. | |
| Hodge twins, we'll have you on when we come back. | |
| Let's do Hodge twins as the first guest when we come back. | |
| I appreciate you guys waiting up. | |
| But I know that they're on Pacific. | |
| They're fine. | |
| It's like dinner time. | |
| And let's be honest, they go to bed like at 4 in the morning. | |
| Wow. | |
| It's a cultural thing. | |
| Tell that to the families. | |
| And before you jump to the conclusion that this is about more about Trump, no. | |
| The answer is less. | |
| The answer is less of this talk. | |
| Less of the lies. | |
| Less of the jumping leadership and mixed messaging. | |
| All right. | |
| We're sorry. | |
| I forgot about the drinking game. | |
| We have to fact check this, even though he hasn't said anything. | |
| He's just accused the president of lying. | |
| And why do I say discounted? | |
| The president has complimented China dozens of times since January | |
| and about their behavior in the outbreak and vis-a-vis covid. | |
| Now the administration is planning to take broad action against them. | |
| So China is a very sophisticated country and they could have contained it. | |
| They were either unable to or they chose not to. | |
| And the world has suffered greatly. | |
| I'm holding them accountable. | |
| True. | |
| Is that something you prefer to do now in the next few weeks? | |
| No, I don't want to do that. | |
| I want to find out what happened. | |
| I think we'll be able to get a very good, very powerful definition of exactly what happened. | |
| We're working on it strongly now and I think it's going to be very powerful. | |
| Just know this. | |
| What was wrong with that? | |
| Criticism he just levied against China is absolutely applicable to him and to the United States of America, its government. | |
| Okay. | |
| What? | |
| What he just said about China is every bit as true. | |
| Okay. | |
| Did the United States start the coronavirus, Chris Cuomo? | |
| Hold on a second. | |
| Don't quote the Chinese ambassador who blames it on American troops. | |
| I know you love to quote Chi-Com propaganda. | |
| No, we didn't start it, and we didn't lie about starting it, and we didn't tell people that it couldn't be transmitted through human-to-human contact, and we didn't actually blame another country for being racist when they put a travel ban from our country, which would be the country of origin for the virus. | |
| Again, I'm speaking, of course, hypothetically if we were Chinese. | |
| China also we don't suck yeah but after the whistleblower doctor who blow the | |
| whistle on this and then made him sign a statement saying he wouldn't do that | |
| and why is Cuomo still in his basement and this broad is in the field you | |
| couldn't go out and do that work yourself mr. Cuomo you're too busy | |
| threatening guys and fat tire bicycles what's what I find to be incredible is | |
| that it is un unquestioned at this point even in mainstream media that the that | |
| the coronavirus as we currently know it was known to the Chinese authorities in | |
| in November, December. | |
| They knew. | |
| And they did not decide to give any information about it. | |
| And then on top of that, they've actually made active orders in the last 30 to 45 days to silence people who are investigating the source of the disease. | |
| And those instructions are not, hey, Hold on a second, let's watch this real quick. | |
| I'm not disappointed in anyone. | |
| Just literally, we don't want any discussions about it whatsoever. | |
| Hold on a second, let's watch this real quick. | |
| I have a point about whistleblowers, remind me. | |
| The relationship with China is a good one, and my relationship with him is really good. | |
| Yes, relationships change. | |
| Kind of like the Japanese after the whole Pearl Harbor shtick. | |
| The point is that things change when you screw up. | |
| That's why relationships end. | |
| That's why family members become estranged. | |
| And by the way, you said that every single criticism lobbed against the Chinese government from Donald Trump could be directed toward the United States. | |
| You know how I know that's not true? | |
| Because Chris Cuomo, you still exist. | |
| You haven't been disappeared like legitimate whistleblowers in China! | |
| Yeah. | |
| By the way, it's also called negotiating. | |
| Okay? | |
| You can take a very hard line with people and then soften it up just a bit so that you can get them to the table. | |
| It's like when you go and you buy a car, you know the used car salesman is trying to screw you, but you act like you're his friend, so you get a good deal, and then afterwards you walk off the lot and go, Can I say as an example, when I was in college I was assigned to this group that would work with people who were students visiting from all around the world. | |
| And I had one person assigned to me for a semester who was from central China. | |
| And one of the things we talked about the most was how shocked she was when she got here about the fact that the country was not Just completely overridden with trash. | |
| Oh, wait, hold on a second. | |
| Hold on a second. | |
| Continue. | |
| But intelligence community also concurs with the wide consensus that the COVID-19 virus was not man-made or genetically modified. | |
| That's not the point. | |
| Where did it originate? | |
| I almost said originate. | |
| Originate? | |
| Doesn't that matter? | |
| Here's the thing. | |
| Let's say it's not man-made. | |
| Okay? | |
| Let's say that it didn't come from a lab. | |
| Let's say it was an accident because you guys eat bat soup. | |
| I'm with Bill. | |
| He's about to say something about that. | |
| Aren't you still accountable for the fact that you lied about it when you couldn't save lives? | |
| Yes. | |
| Go ahead. | |
| They just said they're going to still investigate it. | |
| That wasn't a strong point for them. | |
| They're basically saying, hey, we don't think this is man-made, and we're trying to figure out if it got out of the Wuhan lab. | |
| Why would you put that up as a point for you in any way, shape, or form if you're trying to poke at Trump? | |
| Because Chris Cuomo is retarded. | |
| Hey, guys, this helps, right? | |
| Big Banner, he walks in with, like, the big check. | |
| Not great. | |
| Hey, you know what they're not doing anymore? | |
| These live tweets. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Cut that. | |
| They stopped that real fast. | |
| All right, so this woman was coming to me, and we literally went, like, a bill of rights, went through all the different bill of rights. | |
| the different parts of the rights that are in there, along with the amendments that came | |
| afterwards and she was just shocked. | |
| And the one she was most shocked about is the point you just made about Chris Cuomo. | |
| She said, I cannot believe that people are allowed to criticize the government. | |
| She goes, I just, I'm waiting every day for that person to not be on the news anymore. | |
| And yet, Chris Cuomo is here able to talk about this and exaggerate and lie and mislead. | |
| And suck at his job. | |
| Right, and selectively. | |
| And not only is he not disappeared, but he's paid to do it. | |
| Millions to do it. | |
| And by the way, while we're talking about lying, then bitches about doing it on a podcast, saying that he doesn't want to do it anymore, and then he just goes on air and says, that's not true, I never said it. | |
| We played the tape on the show! | |
| We all heard you say it! | |
| You said that you were tired of the partisan hackery, and really though, the worst part about that story is that he wanted to leave CNN because he didn't think it was partisan hack-like enough! | |
| Wait, wait, wait. | |
| Is he saying right now that it's dangerous to be out there? | |
| there he was talking about his... he was talking about his friends having to wear bulletproof | |
| vests to cover this. | |
| During this unprecedented national shutdown, pain and frustration rising. | |
| Get this guy a pop filter. | |
| By this weekend, more than half of our states will have started to reopen. | |
| Is this guy a Scot? | |
| Is he a Scot? | |
| Craig, what's his face? | |
| It's the principal. | |
| CNN is obsessed with outsourcing jobs. | |
| We're not going to make anything here. | |
| It's just for the staff to be able to keep providing for the families on the day-to-day. | |
| I know that guy. | |
| Josh Peck? | |
| No, it's Beto and Son Restaurant. | |
| It's got a great restaurant in West Allis. | |
| It's Utah from midnight. | |
| No, it's a Beto and Son restaurant. | |
| I do actually know that guy. | |
| He's got a great restaurant in West Allis. | |
| Beto and Son, yeah. | |
| I knew his dad. | |
| Not Beto, not that Beto. | |
| Yeah, different Beto. | |
| Different Beto. | |
| Cool Beto. | |
| Hey, uh, Garson, I'll need to fill up again. | |
| By the way, hit the ding about five times right now. | |
| Ah, son of a ding. | |
| Everything that Chris Cuomo just said was incorrect. | |
| By the way, please, everybody watching right now, tweet Chris Cuomo. | |
| Let him know that we are watching him and that their network just ran a tweet from someone in the Aryan Brotherhood and we caught it. | |
| Can we do hashtag Fredo, too? | |
| And we're gonna plaster that all over the internet like we're Banksy. | |
| No salad bars? | |
| Man, that's amazing. | |
| Somewhere the last remaining Ponderosa's like, shit! | |
| They were like, you can't pass the plate at church, it has to be a stationary collection box. | |
| Why are they asleep? | |
| Let's open them up this weekend, but let's make sure everybody plays ball. | |
| So this is a real test case for us. | |
| He looks like an alcoholic finger puppet. | |
| But the crowds packed too tight. | |
| Good thing that aerosol coronavirus is killed by UV light. | |
| 60 seconds. | |
| Did you hear what he said? | |
| He goes, and the beaches were packed too tight, and every picture he showed were beaches not packed too tightly. | |
| Come on, guys. | |
| And by the way, they still have these same guidelines in these states. | |
| This is also something that's important to me. | |
| This is a principle that we need to understand. | |
| If the laws are unenforceable, they're useless. | |
| In other words, you either have to lock people indefinitely in their houses, Or, you're going by the honor system, hoping that people don't go to a nude beach and lay on the same towel, right? | |
| That's what you're hoping, but the fact is, you can't enforce it. | |
| You can't really enforce a six-foot rule unless you want to lock up women for having their kid play in a public park. | |
| Look, if Costco and Home Depot and Walmart and Kroger and Tom Thumb and every other food store can be open, surely I can go to a beach. | |
| By the way, that was redundant. | |
| We understand they're a grocery store. | |
| Okay, yes. | |
| But Home Depot's not a grocery store. | |
| Give more examples. | |
| Costco's not necessary. | |
| I mean, like, if all these businesses can be open and we can go in there. | |
| What about, dare I say, Sam's Club? | |
| Steven, we have standards, okay? | |
| If all of those can be open, surely a public beach can. | |
| I keep thinking when I look at Chris Cuomo with his haircut that, like, Trump drafted him. | |
| It was like, hey! | |
| We need you! | |
| Put him on the front lines! | |
| We need you! | |
| This is actually all his entire show. | |
| It was just one big, long-running audition for Stripes 2. | |
| Can someone bring up a picture of Rin Tin? | |
| Sorry, Rin Tin. | |
| Not Rin Tin Tin. | |
| Tin Tin. | |
| I was saying Rin Tin Tin. | |
| Bring up a picture of Tin Tin. | |
| Let's listen to him. | |
| Let's hear what kind of crazy crap he has to say. | |
| And we don't. | |
| You have not. | |
| Okay, Chris Cuomo, let me tell you something. | |
| and I, we have to believe in the process and what we're told. | |
| And we don't. | |
| Credibility is key. | |
| You have no right. | |
| Okay, Chris Cuomo, let me tell you something. | |
| It's one thing to have a differing opinion. | |
| All right, little Chris. | |
| Little Chrissy. | |
| Or is that your wife? | |
| Your wife is Christina. | |
| I don't know. | |
| She's piggybacking off of your fame to sell people crystal lamps. | |
| How many lives does she have on her hands, by the way, Chris Cuomo? | |
| But Chris Cuomo, do you know what the problem is here? | |
| It's not that you have a differing opinion and you don't think that Donald Trump has been 100% effective. | |
| I think that all of us here would agree that Donald Trump has made some good decisions and he's made some missteps. | |
| For example, when he tweeted out his crap about Sweden today, Piss me off, but I understand why he's doing it. | |
| Donald Trump, I don't think, I don't think believes for a second, I don't think any mathematician or any epidemiologist believes for a second that now, knowing what we know now, and we had an absence of data, now we have overwhelming data that 2.2 million American lives would be lost, okay? | |
| But he wants to play that up, President Donald Trump. | |
| Of course. | |
| That being said, I think it's understandable. | |
| look this administration saved 2 million lives. | |
| So no Americans are getting the truth from either the left who want to attack Donald | |
| Trump or Donald Trump who wants to use their standards by which to defend themselves. | |
| So I have a problem with Donald Trump doing that. | |
| That being said, I think it's understandable. | |
| But Chris Cuomo, you may have a differing opinion from Donald Trump and I understand | |
| that reporters should hold the president accountable. | |
| My main gripe with you Chris Cuomo is why do you not ever hold the Chinese Communist | |
| government as accountable as you hold Donald Trump. | |
| No! | |
| Not all accusations that can be levied against the Chinese government can be aimed at the United States. | |
| Not at all. | |
| Like whistleblowers disappearing, like lying about a virus, like blaming it on American | |
| troops. | |
| No, they can't. | |
| There is not any kind of a moral equivalency between the two. | |
| I just wish that Chris Cuomo, you were as outraged about the Chinese government silencing | |
| and likely killing its own journalists as you are about Donald Trump now being pissed | |
| off at the Chinese government for silencing its journalists. | |
| Or, you know what, at the very least, how about this? | |
| Be just, be half as pissed off at the Chinese propagandist communist government as you are at people riding bicycles while you're lying about your self-quarantine, you stupid, showy, weak prick. | |
| Come at me, bro. | |
| You threaten to kick everybody's ass. | |
| Me first. | |
| I'm first in line. | |
| You name the spot. | |
| Name the place. | |
| It can be a debate. | |
| It can be a physical fight. | |
| I know you love to challenge people on that front on a regular basis. | |
| I've never issued this to anyone but you. | |
| You are a horrible, dishonest disgrace for a human being. | |
| And I know I'm sounding young Turks right now. | |
| At one point in this country, when we talk about the polarization in this country, listen, I get it. | |
| There's right, there's left. | |
| I understand it. | |
| I don't have a problem with polarization, for example, when it comes to abortion, up until and including nine months. | |
| I think some partisanship is pretty good. | |
| You know where we should be united? | |
| We should be united when a foreign government lied about a virus that you covered, by the way. | |
| You actually covered their tweets and their quotes saying that it couldn't be transmitted from human-to-human contact. | |
| Disappearing, magically, they're journalists, silencing dissent, committing gross abuses of human rights, especially when they are against your country. | |
| You are a communist sympathizer and you hate the United States of America. | |
| And you know what? | |
| This is more legitimate journalism than your show because you're talking to Donald Trump, who you know doesn't watch your show, like Everyone else in America, but I know that your network has someone watching this stream because you took down your oopsie mistake of including an Aryan Brotherhood retweet. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Well, look, if you're going to pick any country to side with... My cigar probably went out. | |
| Yeah. | |
| You're going to have to suck on it really... I'm not going to go anywhere else. | |
| Geez, Gerald. | |
| I just had a moment. | |
| Could you imagine that? | |
| He's Mr. Chamberlain. | |
| We will never, ever, ever surrender. | |
| Yes, but you suck a mean dick. | |
| He wasn't going to say that. | |
| I was going to say, really? | |
| With a cigar, you have to puff on it a lot to get it to come back to life. | |
| And it sounded bad. | |
| I was trying to stop myself, and I couldn't. | |
| So Gerald, stop digging down the hole. | |
| What was your point? | |
| I'm just going to die on the hill. | |
| We're just going to go to break. | |
| I mean, really, if you're going to pick any country, like, what is the only, North Korea was like the only worst country on the list, potentially, to pick than China to side with over the United States to say that every criticism leveled at them could be leveled at us too. | |
| If Tony hated Donald Trump, Chris Cuomo would say that he was a freedom fighter. | |
| Exactly! | |
| How blind do you have to be? | |
| How much of a no-talent ass clown do you have to be to say something like that? | |
| It's Kid Mr. Sam's Club! | |
| Are there any more stories? | |
| You need to chug more bottles of wine during the break! | |
| I know, right? That really was... | |
| He's crossed the line a number of times for me, but that is one of the most egregious things that I've ever heard a | |
| reporter in the United States say. | |
| Every criticism that you could level, think about exactly what that means. | |
| Every criticism, like you said, that you can level at them, you can level at not this country, but Trump and this administration. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| He silences whistleblowers. | |
| He silences people. | |
| Sorry. | |
| He basically drags people who are dissidents into a COVID-infested hospital and says, good luck! | |
| Right? | |
| He didn't do any of that stuff. | |
| All he did was stuff you disagreed with, that you gave him a hard time for when he was trying to respond appropriately. | |
| And now that people want to go back to work and they disagree with your sorry ass, you're pissed at them because you think they don't care about anybody else's lives. | |
| And you know what else? | |
| That's not true! | |
| I read that his house is made of all steel. | |
| Prick! | |
| Damn you! | |
| You post-modernist prick! | |
| It's not even recyclable! | |
| Look, I've definitely seen way more CNN than I think is safe this month. | |
| And I've seen way more of Chris Cuomo than I think is safe this month. | |
| You saw the new pic. | |
| Did he tweet you? | |
| Did he DM you too? | |
| Too much. | |
| Wow. | |
| Twice. | |
| But what I do have to say is heartening to me, are people who had regularly watched CNN before and found it to be their main source, having watched it so much more now during quarantine, Are the people who are now like, I can't get a single shred of neutral news out of that. | |
| And I cannot listen to anything that they say. | |
| They can't go more than two sentences unless they're showing Anderson Cooper's baby without criticizing Trump. | |
| Because in not a single point in any of these times that we've talked about this, have they said, you know, we really need to take a hard look at the numbers that came out of China. | |
| We really need to be doing investigation. | |
| We need to be taking action. | |
| Not a single shred of criticism. | |
| And if you come out of this without a shred of criticism for the way that China has handled this, and instead you go, well if there's any criticisms it's also against Trump! | |
| Yeah. | |
| And every American. | |
| Let me ask you this. | |
| It's ridiculous. | |
| Genuine question, because you have a lot of family. | |
| Now, do you have family or friends in mainland China? | |
| Because I know mostly Hong Kong. | |
| So I have some family, an extended family, who are both in Hong Kong and in mainland China. | |
| OK. | |
| Let me ask you this. | |
| Removing the communist government, because we've talked about this, there's a big separation between the Chinese communist government and the people. | |
| What do you think the people of China think about their government and the propagandists like their ambassador? | |
| What do you think they think when they hear someone like Chris Cuomo parroting those points? | |
| Let me put it this way. | |
| I have a relative who I won't even identify because I'm literally fearful for her safety. | |
| That's okay. | |
| They all look alike. | |
| Yeah, but when you're there, you can tell them differently. | |
| Steven, not to them. | |
| They can tell. | |
| Not to them. | |
| Kind of like pufferfish can tell other pufferfish, but I'm not opposed. | |
| Yeah, no, that's actually correct. | |
| But I won't say what her relation is to me, but I will tell you that in America, she would be considered a leftist, and in China, she's considered a threat. | |
| That is how far... That's how far a leftist is. | |
| The government is in China about their own rights. | |
| We were close before when she was living in the United States, and now she's not anymore. | |
| She's living in China. | |
| And what I see, the few things that I am able to see that come through, which are usually kind of direct communications or through another relative, There are things where I would say, wow, you would probably be a revolutionary here in terms of how far left you are compared to American politics, but you are a threat to the Chinese government there because of how much you protest about what they're doing, about the news, about the scientists, about the data, about the health, about the safety. | |
| You can't honestly be a journalist or a human being and look at what China is doing and say, this is what America Well, I'm wondering where all the outrage is when they were doing their anti-Nike campaigns. | |
| I mean, when they were doing their stuff about, oh, let's eliminate sweatshops. | |
| They hated China, right? | |
| What about now? | |
| Do those sweatshops all of a sudden vanish into thin air like they're whistleblowers? | |
| Why is there no outrage over the sweatshops? | |
| They're still in China! | |
| You're fighting for a living wage here? | |
| You're saying that Americans shouldn't go back to work because they're not paid enough? | |
| How about you speak out for China? | |
| But you're carrying the water for the government who, I don't know, someone can fact-check me, I assume, compared to American standards, pennies a day. | |
| What's the average minimum wage in China? | |
| A couple bucks. | |
| I think it's two baths. | |
| Two baths? | |
| That's a bad idea. | |
| And a mean cup of thin soup. | |
| Let's remember, here in this country we can go out, find great sponsors like Black Rifle Coffee and pandas, the national animal of my country. | |
| I don't like them. | |
| I know you don't. | |
| I don't like any species of animal that you have to convince that thoroughly to fuck. | |
| Don't trust him. | |
| You can't get it done. | |
| You can't have any freedoms. | |
| You can't have any facts. | |
| You can't have any news. | |
| Unless it goes through the filter. | |
| It's against biology. | |
| We do have a 10-10 picture. | |
| There it is! | |
| That is it! | |
| Oh, come on! | |
| And they're both members of the Aryan Brotherhood. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| That's really close. | |
| All right, let me hear what he has to say. | |
| He's a little Ed Grimley. | |
| And then once they go to the break, we'll come back and we'll do a three-minute challenge with Chris Cuomo, but I want to hear him really good. | |
| How to do this the right way to balance these interests with mayors of three of America's largest cities, Atlanta, San Antonio, and San Diego, all at the same time. | |
| Let's have a conversation. | |
| You know, it doesn't have to be a tit-for-tat all the time. | |
| Let's all get together, same table, same boxes. | |
| So you're wrong. | |
| Romantic in one place and what they have is questions for each other. | |
| So one thing I will say, and we'll go to a quick, if we have a short commercial break we can go to, this guy pisses me off too. | |
| This guy all of a sudden for some reason, you know, he doesn't care about human rights abuses but he gets mad when a sea turtle shows up in a six-pack plastic ring. | |
| So when you talk about your relative in mainland China being, who would be a far leftist in the United States but a threat to China, this is also why I think a lot of people, when conservatives absolve themselves when they talk about immigration, and listen, all illegal immigration, stop. | |
| But then when we talk about legal immigration, a lot of these people are more conservative than they realize. | |
| So she might be fiscally liberal. | |
| She might see herself as more left because she's in the face of a Chinese communist government. | |
| But when she comes to the United States, it's pretty easy with a lot of... And this is to everyone out there, by the way. | |
| And let me clarify. | |
| That's what she was. | |
| Right. | |
| Before she went there. | |
| Right. | |
| Because then realizing what the actual enacting of those policies would look like. | |
| Right. | |
| If you take the logical extension of, look everyone, we need to have the power to be able to keep you in your homes at any moment, no matter whether you say you can or you can't. | |
| We need to tell you, if you want to know what the facts are, you can only get one source and it's the WHO. | |
| Are you talking about Michigan or are you talking about China? | |
| Well, I was trying to... I lost track. | |
| By the way, I use Freshly. | |
| They're not a sponsor. | |
| And their food is... Eh, take it or leave it. | |
| But it's convenient. | |
| That's a live read. | |
| They don't run. | |
| I was going to say, I was like, is the roombook picking up the freshly? | |
| We'll choose to take it. | |
| But a lot of those people, so they come here and they think that they're left because there really is no, you know, I come from Quebec, for example. | |
| We really only had the Liberal Party in Quebec and Liberal separatists, right? | |
| We really didn't have a conservative bloc in Quebec, not a significant one anyway. | |
| And that's a lot of these countries. | |
| their conservative would really be our Democrats. | |
| But once people like your relative, they come to the United States | |
| and they see themselves as more left, it's not that hard. | |
| This is a call to action for everyone out there who has immigrant friends | |
| or friends who are part of a minority class that would typically be considered | |
| a part of the voting block for Democrats. | |
| It doesn't take super long to show them that economic authoritarianism is inextricably tied | |
| to authoritarianism, period, to the silencing of dissent. | |
| Listen, people like Chris Cuomo, I joke about this, but people like Governor Whitmer, | |
| people like Anderson Cooper, they mock. | |
| Americans who just don't want to be locked at home against their will indefinitely. | |
| The Americans out there who are protesting, and let's get rid of the statistics, which of course CNN has been wrong about it every single turn, and so has the World Health Organization. | |
| They want to talk about emotion. | |
| They want to talk about the spirit. | |
| The spirit of these Americans is they just want an answer. | |
| They want to go back to work. | |
| They want to provide for their families, and they're crapped on by these people who live in New York City and Washington DC and Los Angeles, and they make millions of dollars. | |
| For wanting to go back to work, and not only are they crapped on personally with all of these effectively video op-eds when they're not running chyrons of Aryan Brotherhood tweets, but they're crapped on because these broadcasters call governments, it's a call to arm for governments to lock down these people's freedoms and ensure that they don't have the right to protest, that they don't have the right to go to work, that the government has to step in and say, when you open there has to be a new normal and you can only have 25% capacity. | |
| It's not that hard to present that, and people who flee governments that were acting very similarly, be it China, be it Mozambique, be it Quebec, with the language police. | |
| When I was in Quebec, I couldn't open Stephen's Apostrophe S Diner without being fined or facing jail time if it wasn't of larger font in French. | |
| It's not that hard to convince these people, hey listen, if you don't want the kind of government that you fled, Then don't vote Democrat. | |
| And they get it. | |
| They almost always get it. | |
| Yeah, absolutely. | |
| And by the way, government, if you're out there listening, we love the people in it, | |
| but you have only the power that we give to you, right? | |
| That's the whole bargain that we made. | |
| We said we would let you have power. | |
| I wish that were true. | |
| That's how it's supposed to be. | |
| That's the bargain that we made. | |
| We said we would let you have... | |
| So when people rise up against what they believe to be tyrannical decisions, don't be surprised. | |
| Because God forbid people get together and say, look, I have the personal responsibility. | |
| We are not, what we know for sure, we are not facing the 1918 flu pandemic. | |
| We're not facing something that has a 10, 20, 30 percent mortality. | |
| We're facing worse. | |
| Chris Cuomo with a segment stinger that just said, let's get after it. | |
| So let's see what he has to say. | |
| We're not facing that. | |
| Come on, 1010. | |
| So tonight, we decided to do something a little bit different, okay? | |
| Let's try to really get together here, all right? | |
| We have the mayors from around the country, three of our biggest cities, different parties. | |
| Let them compare notes. | |
| Let them talk. | |
| I basically just want to give them my show's time. | |
| See what happens. | |
| Have a Zoom conversation. | |
| There's a man in this? | |
| got his aviators gone. Obviously, the mayor of Atlanta. | |
| Okay. Ron Nuremberg. Well, and Kevin Faulkner, San Diego. Welcome | |
| each and all how we doing? So which one of those do we know which one of those is a conservative Republican? Red | |
| Bandit? All right. First of all, thank you for taking the opportunity. And I mean what I said, less me more you a | |
| good Thank God. | |
| That's something we can all agree with. | |
| That's just a celebratory drink. | |
| A celebratory drink. | |
| It's going on in Atlanta, which had nothing to do with the mayor, right? | |
| The governor did not care about it. | |
| Is this Reg the Bandit? | |
| Reg the Bandit, which one of them is a conservative Republican, if any? | |
| Uh, Kevin Falconer is the mayor of San Diego, is a Republican. | |
| That doesn't surprise me because they have Camp Pendleton right near them. | |
| Which was the other one? | |
| This is where the rubber meets the road, right? | |
| Antonio. Okay. Well, thanks, Chris. Thanks for having us. | |
| Okay. San Diego is speaking. | |
| You can just pop, you can pop back in later there. Reggie banded. I appreciate you operating | |
| under a mask. Thank you. Right. And when we're talking about businesses and reopening businesses, | |
| they're in our cities. And so our ability to not only clearly communicate, but our ability to say, | |
| here's the rules of the road that we're going to establish when we're ready to reopen. | |
| I think is one of the most important things that all of us as mayors are working on right now. | |
| To really set that criteria, to communicate that criteria, because as you have talked about, people are ready to get back to work. | |
| But people want to do it safely. | |
| And so one of the things that we're really working with is how do we interact keeping small businesses going right now. | |
| One of the things that we've been doing in San Diego is our small business relief fund and really ensuring that we have that foundation for businesses to actually have a job to go back to. | |
| And that is I mean, you get a lot of talk about Washington relief, you know, in Sacramento and, you know, in California, but our revenue comes from a strong economy. | |
| And so that's incredibly important for the mayor. | |
| As you know, the services, police, fire, trash, paper, water. | |
| So we're all, all of us as mayors. | |
| are really seeing that downward trend in revenue. So we want to get back to work, | |
| but we want to do it safely. We want to do it with confidence, and we want to do it by data-driven | |
| and with our health professionals. That's really what I've been trying to stress here in San Diego. | |
| All right, I got you, Mr. Mayor, on the hypothetical side of how you want to set it up. | |
| So, going from Mr. Mayor to Madam Mayor, uh, the reality, uh, that you're seeing Mayor Bottoms in terms of, uh, putting out a message, uh, having it resonate with people. | |
| He gave an argument saying we want to do it, we want to do it safely, we want it to be data-driven. | |
| If we have to rewind the tape, he said we want it to be data-driven. | |
| Then Chris Cuomo, less of me, more of you, Mr. Cuomo says, okay Mr. Republican, we get your hypothetical. | |
| Atlanta, D next to your name, can you give us the reality? | |
| This is the liberal bias by omission that people don't understand there, because Chris Cuomo isn't saying something mind-numbingly stupid. | |
| He just discredited everything this guy said by acting as though it's hypothetical, but everything she's about to say is God's nectar to Chris Cuomo's little, ironically, wrestler-like ears, even though he's never seen a day of combat. | |
| Well, that's not true. | |
| He fights everyone. | |
| That's true. | |
| Particularly if they're windmills. | |
| Do I just step on a cord and ruin it? | |
| No, you're good. | |
| You're good. | |
| Oh, that's her. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| some semblance of normalcy. | |
| And as the mayor just said, it's about finding something for people to get back to. | |
| Please explain to us the reality, mayor who doesn't know how to use headphones | |
| on national television. | |
| That corporations and small businesses are balancing their votes as well. | |
| It's because she's fiddling with the headphones. | |
| How funny would it be if Chris Cuomo called her Vivian from Fresh Prince right now? | |
| Viv! | |
| I see Ron Nuremberg shaking his head. | |
| San Antonio, Texas, obviously, meeting the wave of aggressive reopening there. | |
| I'm not going to saddle you with what you, Lieutenant Governor, said, that there are more important things in life than living, which was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard in my life. | |
| You've said nothing like that. | |
| Why is that stupid? | |
| A man who isn't willing to die for anything is a man who is living for nothing. | |
| Like values, morality, freedom, liberty? | |
| Would you be willing to give this day to that? | |
| To come back to this field? | |
| I'm just kidding. | |
| No! | |
| No! | |
| We want to go home! | |
| Ron, tell us! | |
| The button on the top of my shirt is broken, but I'm here on national TV. | |
| I leave it open on purpose. | |
| They may take our COVID. | |
| The button on the top of my shirt is broken, but I'm here on national TV. | |
| I leave it open on purpose. | |
| And the guidance from our public health officials about when it's safe to reopen. | |
| And it's a challenge. | |
| Same health officials who said 2.2 million dead, by the way. | |
| I know our state government, I know Mayor Bottoms is dealing with that. | |
| And a four to seven percent death rate. | |
| A lot. | |
| We've had that as well here with a reopening in Texas that really defies the gating criteria | |
| that public health officials have universally accepted as the right time to open. | |
| But the success of our efforts here in San Antonio with flattening the curve Not really. | |
| Flattening the curve was never about limiting the spread of the virus. | |
| Flattening the curve was referring to not overburdening our hospital systems. | |
| Flattening the curve was never about limiting the spread of the virus. | |
| Flattening the curve was referring to not overburdening our hospital systems. | |
| If there is 1% of the population who could transmit the virus, the virus will spread. | |
| People don't understand what they're watching. | |
| Either you have to lock down everyone and the entire economy until it's down to 0%, which would be impossible, and by the way, no one is advocating, or flattening the curve was about making sure that our hospitals could keep up with treating the virus appropriately. | |
| By the way, Chris Cuomo's a prick who wants open borders. | |
| 65% of Americans are against it. | |
| Outside of Democrats, every single cross-section, we can bring this up as an overlay from Red to the Research Bandit, every single cross-section, you look at Republicans, Independents, different demographics are like, yeah, we should close down the borders right now. | |
| Only Democrats are split on it. | |
| That mayors are uniquely qualified to address and it's an aspect that's going to affect all of us. | |
| So we're going to take it to a personal level. | |
| Let's keep the mayors. | |
| Please come back. | |
| I just want to make one point. | |
| Please. | |
| It was hilarious. | |
| Yes. | |
| Just one point. | |
| Thank you, Wade. | |
| Please. | |
| Please come back. | |
| Greg Abbott said the other day, the governor of Texas, when he announced the reopening, somebody said, well, what about these county commissioners and these city mayors saying that you have to have a mask out in public and you can't? | |
| He goes, none of that matters. | |
| I will not let anybody be given a ticket. | |
| I will not let anybody be arrested and detained and have any legal ramifications from somebody taking actions, and I'm paraphrasing obviously, somebody taking actions that go against what I just said. | |
| And what I just said is that these people can open up at 25% capacity Eat it. | |
| He didn't say that last part, but he should have. | |
| It would have been a good thing to stick the landing. | |
| No, he did. | |
| It was in reference to restaurants. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| I smoked with a police officer today. | |
| I need food. | |
| We have to go on a break soon. | |
| Oh, we do? | |
| We don't have to go on a break. | |
| Yes, we do. | |
| Why do we have to go on a break? | |
| Because I have to pee. | |
| Well, can someone take over? | |
| Somebody get a bottle for him. | |
| I'll take over the TriCaster. | |
| Let me do it. | |
| Can Wuhan Batman take over the TriCaster? | |
| Because we only have 20 minutes. | |
| We do literally have to take that break, though. | |
| Oh, OK. | |
| All right. | |
| How long is the break? | |
| Or you can just talk about Black Rifle for a little bit. | |
| Yeah, there you go. | |
| No, but not if he has to pee. | |
| Yeah, I do have to pee really bad. | |
| On the Black Rifle coffee, does it soak it up? | |
| Yeah, I will tell you this. | |
| All right. | |
| I forgot my point, but really the point I should have been making is BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder. | |
| Entering promo code Crowder. | |
| It tastes good and it does the body good. | |
| 20% off your first order. | |
| How many tens of thousands of bags of coffee did they give away? | |
| Many thousands. | |
| They put Tom's to shame and you don't have to buy shitty shoes. | |
| Al, there's a rock. | |
| Roman centurions had better shoes than Toms. | |
| What's this? | |
| Oh, that's right! | |
| I haven't tried this yet. | |
| This is the new Black Rifle. | |
| We just got it in today. | |
| This is their new cold brew. | |
| I think it's their cold brew can. | |
| So they have a couple of flavors. | |
| This is just espresso with cream. | |
| Don't open it, please. | |
| Well, I'm looking at the ingredient profile here, actually. | |
| This is nice, actually, if you look at the sugars compared to a lot of the other ones out there. | |
| So this is from Black Rifle. | |
| If you want to get a pre-made cold brew, that's not really my thing, but my dad loves cold brew because it doesn't irritate his stomach as much because, you know, it doesn't have the same kind of chlorogenic acid. | |
| So BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder. | |
| And I think you can buy... Can you buy the cold brew on the site yet? | |
| It just came out. | |
| If you can't right now, you can very shortly. | |
| Okay, if you can't right now, my personal recommendation, I love the vintage blend, that's my favorite, and I like the AK-47, if you do espresso at home, for pour over, I love the gun, I think it's called Gunship Roast. | |
| I'm a coffee snob, I've had the best coffees in the world, I went to, you know, I took you to that coffee, which you didn't like, you don't like coffee. | |
| I just, I can't. | |
| Where I did all these flights of coffee, and I will tell you, I would put those up there, with any of them, but far more reasonably priced, and they're veteran owned and operated, they support veteran causes. | |
| I just realized Wuhan Batman came in, gave me the can, and left, and Garrett's about to piss his pants like he's driving for a lover to NASA. | |
| What if we do this? | |
| What if we just bring up CNN when they come back from commercial and he can just step out for a second while that's out? | |
| But I will say one thing. | |
| That's our break. | |
| We can't forget that tonight at midnight Central Time, 1159, we end the drawing for our grand prize giveaway. | |
| So if you are thinking about it, Oh, you love it. | |
| You love it. | |
| You love it. | |
| Oh, it's stock food. | |
| Stock food. | |
| It's fine. | |
| It's fine. | |
| Puppies. | |
| Puppies. | |
| Okay, okay. | |
| It's puppies. | |
| You're fine. | |
| It's alright, buddy. | |
| You're back. | |
| So, our grand prize giveaway. | |
| If you're a Mug Club member at $11.59, you sign up for Mug Club. | |
| You can also go to crowder.com slash giveaway. | |
| If you want a no-purchase necessary, see the official rules. | |
| Voidware prohibited. | |
| I'm here. | |
| I'm lawyering you. | |
| China. | |
| China. | |
| I am so excited. | |
| We've given away so many prizes for our Mug Clubbers. | |
| They've supported us so much. | |
| Black Flag Rifle's supporting us. | |
| But here's the thing. | |
| We're going to have one of y'all in the friggin' studio. | |
| Two, with a guest. | |
| With a guest, yes. | |
| I already peed my pants. | |
| Three minutes. | |
| We'll just be silent for three minutes. | |
| Bring this up. | |
| Garrett, go take your crap. | |
| Somebody get the mic in the bathroom for Garrett to pee. | |
| It's like a league of their own. | |
| Just set it up with us in a little box in the corner. | |
| Can you reverse it? | |
| Switch it and reverse it. | |
| Done and go. | |
| Go, go, go, go, go. | |
| Look at this. | |
| I'm pop walking. | |
| All right. | |
| Three minutes. | |
| Silence challenge starting. | |
| Three minutes. | |
| Three minutes. | |
| Here we go. | |
| Georgia has already opened in parts that affect Atlanta, to be sure. | |
| So, what I'm hinting at about daily life are really two main things for people that live in major cities like your own, okay? | |
| You got mass transportation. | |
| And then you got the big one that nobody wants to touch. | |
| Schools. | |
| And we know why. | |
| We know why the president, we know why nobody, governor, wants to talk about schools. | |
| Because you get it wrong with schools, you're going to pay a political price that's going to be hard to survive. | |
| So Georgia and Texas, school is closed. | |
| California, you guys are figuring out what to do with the rest of the year. | |
| It's closed right now. | |
| But starting with you, Mayor Bottoms, the idea of school, And reopening. | |
| You can't reopen an economy and get people back to work if their kids aren't back in school because they won't be able to leave the house. | |
| Nobody can take care of the kids, especially in the populations that you guys represent. | |
| How do you deal with that? | |
| I'll just give you another layer to that, Chris. | |
| In Georgia, there are independently run school boards. | |
| Most of them are not controlled by the mayor, separate school entities. | |
| And so when we were at the beginning of this pandemic, our governor deferred to local control and local leadership and decision making as to when to shut down schools. | |
| So that being said, I don't know what the governor will do as it relates to the schools of this coming fall. | |
| I know that the Board of Regents has already announced that they anticipate that college campuses will be open. | |
| That's going to be very interesting. | |
| I think, again, that's driven by economics. | |
| Because you're going to have young adults living in close proximity and congregate living spaces, which is what we actually don't want in the middle of a pandemic. | |
| And so we'll see where we are. | |
| There's been a big push for us to get laptops and tablets and broadband connection out to all of our students. | |
| So hopefully we'll be prepared for whatever the fall looks like. | |
| But Ron, Mayor Nirenberg, what I'm talking about, obviously the specific application is, we're getting a little break on school right now because we're getting close to the summer. | |
| But if Texas moves as aggressively as it wants to, economically, getting people back to work, where are their kids going to go? | |
| Still got another month or so to deal with. | |
| That's right. | |
| And I have an 11-year-old at home, so I know that very well. | |
| Um, you know, we have been working through childcare options for essential workers since this began a couple of months ago. | |
| And so we have opportunities for childcare, even as Texas begins to open up. | |
| But that is a big challenge. | |
| And one of the reasons why I think there was a push by some of the essential workers in the medical community not to | |
| close schools down Because you begin to close schools down, you lose- | |
| What about summer? | |
| Where are people going to work? | |
| Summer! Yeah, it's weird. | |
| How is that even humanly possible? | |
| It's almost like the idea of complementarianism and having one parent who stays at home as opposed to having them | |
| raised by some kind of daycare from the nanny state might be more conducive to a more productive child in less | |
| adulthood! | |
| I hate my life so much. | |
| What happened to summer? | |
| You're talking about one month. | |
| You can't put your kids in front of the Nintendo for one month? | |
| You hate them that much? | |
| Just give him Breath of the Wild. | |
| Sorry, I'm letting this stroke pass. | |
| What's the rule on my life insurance policy with the suicide if it's due to Chris Cuomo? | |
| I think there's a caveat. | |
| They arrest him and sue him. | |
| That's enumerated? | |
| Let me tell you something real quick. | |
| I'm glad that the mayor of San Antonio spoke about this. | |
| I have an almost two-year-old son. | |
| He's in daycare. | |
| My wife and I both work. | |
| Obviously it's harder to have them at home. | |
| We have some family that's helping, so that's nice. | |
| But I have people who work for me who are single parents or even dual parents with dual incomes, | |
| and they have kids, multiple kids, and it's a real tough time. | |
| They're making it work. | |
| We're adapting. | |
| We're working less, but still obviously paying and doing all the things we can do. | |
| Our daycare was open because they serve so many essential workers. | |
| And the last thing he said there was, remember, the essential workers were pushing to keep the schools and daycares open. | |
| So again, I guess we don't listen to doctors anymore, according to Susan Wojcicki. | |
| But the reality is, The kids are among the safest populations. | |
| Again, not to say that some won't get it, that it's not a risk, that it's not a problem. | |
| More transmission, we get it. | |
| But when we go, oh, it's just... | |
| Hold on a second. | |
| Look, her Skype is freezing so she looks like Boy George. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Okay, continue. | |
| If we're saying, oh, it's just economic reasons, people are literally dying from these economic | |
| conditions. | |
| And if we ignore that, we are complacent with what's happening. | |
| So here's the thing, too. | |
| Remember this. | |
| This is three and a half months from now that they talk about the schools opening back up in the fall. | |
| What are they going to do there? | |
| And Donald Trump better get... Are you telling me that in three and a half months, this whole thing that you've been telling us, we just need a few more weeks to flatten the curve. | |
| We just need a few more weeks to get out from under this. | |
| In three and a half months, we're not going to get there? | |
| When will we ever get there? | |
| They will do everything in their power to try and keep schools from opening. | |
| Yeah, absolutely! | |
| And create chaos! | |
| We'll hold town halls with heads of Harvard who are saying that homeschooling is a threat to national security. | |
| They will do everything they can. | |
| They're looking at the stock market roaring back right now. | |
| They understand the fuse that is lit in people who want to get back to work. | |
| I don't know if you remember this. | |
| Bill Gates said this. | |
| Actually, I think it was in the interview that I sent to you, Reg, earlier today. | |
| CNN. | |
| I think it was March 31st with Bill Gates where he said, You know, we can't bring it up as a clip, but people can go and watch it. | |
| It was with Sanjay Gupta and Anderson Cooper and their little three... Don't go back and watch that. | |
| Don't do it. | |
| Don't do it. | |
| You know, I don't know that even if you do reopen the economy, I mean, you can tell people that they can reopen their restaurant, but people aren't going to want to. | |
| Again, that's the professional, that's the expert. | |
| People right now are protesting to be able to reopen their business. | |
| They've been wrong on every single front, and that's because not only do these people want to be able to make a living, not only do these people not want to starve and they want to put food on the table, but they want to do it themselves. | |
| A lot of these people could collect a check But instead, they want to earn a check and they're being crapped on. | |
| Restaurants are getting phone calls in the state of Texas because Friday is when they can open back up at 25%. | |
| We are opening back up our tasting room at 25% capacity. | |
| We sold out in a day. | |
| Because we set it up as an event. | |
| We can only have so many people. | |
| I just hope you stop serving 25% crap. | |
| No. | |
| Take the bare foot off your shelves, son of a bitch. | |
| You know I'm a fine wine shop. | |
| Don't you dare. | |
| Don't you dare. | |
| Hey, in Gerald's defense, it's all crap. | |
| No, I'm kidding. | |
| No, Gerald actually got me some wine. | |
| It was amazing. | |
| Gerald's an unbelievable sommelier. | |
| I will say this. | |
| Is there anywhere you can keep people? | |
| It's more of a local business, really. | |
| Yeah. | |
| No, we ship all over the country. | |
| He doesn't teach you wine. | |
| Where do they go? | |
| Simplifiedwine.com. | |
| Simplifiedwine.com. | |
| I mean, if only he was as good at jokes. | |
| Yeah, I choose to focus my efforts on, I guess, wine. | |
| I don't know. | |
| I will say, I don't like wine, and he found, what was it, the Gunlock Bunshaw that you found? | |
| Gunlock Bunshoe Mountain Cuvée. | |
| They're going to love it. | |
| I loved it, yeah. | |
| Okay, hold on. | |
| Let's see what Chris Gomez has to say and how dumb it is. | |
| We're great because we are good. | |
| We are good to one another. | |
| And I want to show you that because I'm doing right with our Americans right after this. | |
| I want to show you how good we could be. | |
| It just cuts to helmet footage from the bicycle rider. | |
| I got your bicycle right here! | |
| Quarantine my yay! | |
| Somebody stay between us so I don't have to look like this. | |
| Hasn't he been telling us for four years that we shouldn't make America great? | |
| Now he's saying, no, no, no, we're great because we treat each other right, but we treat each other right by, you know, fascist lockdowns and keeping people from making a living and making sure that they can't survive. | |
| Okay, hold on a second. | |
| I forgot, this is the Asian Rosacea Challenge. | |
| Oh, wow. | |
| You didn't drink much tonight, because you're not red like you were that morning. | |
| He's red! | |
| He looks red to me! | |
| I was working on it. | |
| I've been pounding this wild turkey, but see, the problem is I was also drinking Black Rifle coffee in the can. | |
| Oh, wow. | |
| I think that I sabotaged myself. | |
| Well, I think doing lines of Coke actually counteracts the alcohol. | |
| Your parasympathetic nervous system doesn't know what to do with you right now. | |
| Is it fight or flight? | |
| Fight! | |
| No, fight! | |
| No, flight! | |
| Flight! | |
| What'd I stop? | |
| Look at the camera. | |
| I might want to rematch with Bill. | |
| Both of you look at the camera. | |
| You know what, here. | |
| You go ahead and take my seat, Goebbels. | |
| Under lights. | |
| Oh yeah, you gotta see that, yeah. | |
| No, as opposed to that morning on Good Morning Mod Club. | |
| Yeah, and we do have the before picture here as well. | |
| OK. | |
| Before picture, let me see this. | |
| Now back. | |
| He does both. | |
| I'm just naturally... Hold on. | |
| I'm just literally naturally darker than this three-quarter white abomination, OK? | |
| Yeah, Gibbon's got those bags. | |
| Look at those eyes. | |
| They're like a doll's. | |
| Don't be shit-talking the three-quarter whites. | |
| Those are my people. | |
| Sometimes half-Asian go away. | |
| Sometimes Asian go away. | |
| Oh my gosh, I'm wearing this shirt! | |
| I do look like Quint right now! | |
| I have the beard! | |
| There you go! | |
| This is basically the Quint outfit. | |
| Perfect! | |
| Because back then I didn't have sideburns, or my rockabilly hairdo. | |
| Yeah, you just need the hat. | |
| Speak up! | |
| You just need the hat. | |
| You're Quint. | |
| Bye, gerbils. | |
| One of the best parodies we've done. | |
| I know half the people here have to go. | |
| I'm so mad at Chris Cuomo. | |
| It's like anger fuel where I could just keep going. | |
| It is a great film. | |
| It is. | |
| Fantastic. | |
| One of the best parodies we've done. | |
| Here's the thing. | |
| I know half the people here have to go. | |
| I just like, I'm so mad at Chris Cuomo. | |
| It's like anger fuel where I could just keep going. | |
| I do. | |
| I am really happy though that we made the decision to stick around for Chris because | |
| He is. | |
| He really is. | |
| Him and Skelter are the worst. | |
| I feel bad. | |
| Him and Skelter are the worst, but I'm not going to waste a weekend. | |
| So Chris is the best. | |
| Anderson's been worse as far as boring, but Chris has been worse as far as infuriating. | |
| I'll send him my address and a pair of gloves. | |
| Hey, can I issue a quick apology? | |
| What? | |
| I'm really sorry, guys. | |
| I threw that gif that we just did. | |
| But it was the closest thing, and I was like, I don't want to throw the mug at Gerald's head. | |
| Again. | |
| So I'm really sorry, but it just, you know. | |
| You know how long it took for louder to come out of my skin? | |
| It's vinyl. | |
| It's all good. | |
| I got an update from the studio crew. | |
| I actually might have beat Bill, because they said that my legs were beat red. | |
| Oh, really? | |
| So maybe it transformed my head to red. | |
| Oh, they are pretty red. | |
| I can't go down there. | |
| What is that? | |
| What was that? | |
| Yeah, look at how red those are! | |
| Did you get summer? | |
| Those varicose veins, man! | |
| What, do you have diabetes? | |
| Get some compression socks on! | |
| Hey, listen, you're still a good skinny Louis C.K. | |
| I think I'm 2 for 2. | |
| You are 2 for 2. | |
| Okay, you guys let us know who won. | |
| We haven't read any chats. | |
| Wait, are you good at driving and making railroads? | |
| It can't take all your jobs. | |
| What we have here is a failure to intoxicate! | |
| Can I ask you guys a question? | |
| What is the thing that you're most excited about? | |
| Knowing that, you know, we're in Texas and other states. | |
| Fighting Chris Cuomo. | |
| Okay, yes, that would be great. | |
| You know he's going to choose to do it on the deck of a battleship, which, you know, may be off the coast of Texas. | |
| Can we do it on the USS Comfort? | |
| Yes! | |
| Because we know they have a lot of empty space. | |
| And just a ring of COVID patients. | |
| And if you get too close to the edge, they cough on you. | |
| He's going to be the Roberto Duran of on-air broadcaster fights, only without the winning record. | |
| So what are you excited to get reopened? | |
| I mean everyone I talk to who is not just like ready to like bury themselves has said either they've admitted that they are going to take advantage of the fact that more businesses are open and either go to those businesses and do takeaway or something like that or carry out and other folks are like yeah I'm gonna go to it. | |
| I mean there are local restaurants that are like I can seat a hundred people at 25% capacity because that's how much patio space we have. | |
| This is the best weather to enjoy it. | |
| You know, I mean, these businesses are going back, so I don't know if anyone has anything they're really looking forward to. | |
| I will tell you what, and I have been very straightforward about this on the show in Good Morning Mug Club. | |
| My life has been affected almost zero. | |
| I am the Howard Hughes. | |
| of on-air broadcasters. | |
| We cut his nails. | |
| I am so boring. | |
| I stay home. | |
| I very rarely go out. | |
| My wife and I often, like, you know what our fun night is? | |
| Is we're in the same room together. | |
| We're cuddle up on the couch with Betty and I'm watching, like, reruns of Larry Sanders and she's reading a book about, like, North Korean serial killers. | |
| That's it. | |
| So as far as what am I looking forward to? | |
| Leaders. | |
| I would probably say the gym. | |
| She's no reading that book about leaders. | |
| She just reads nothing but like crazy. | |
| Probably the gym and let's not name it, but the cigar lounge where I can have a steak. | |
| Right. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| That's a great place. | |
| That's a great little spot. | |
| What about yourself? | |
| So I'm excited about going to some of the restaurants nearby that have been just teetering on the brink. | |
| And they're one-off local restaurants that serve great food and have been around. | |
| And these are the places, too, that were out there while they couldn't do seating. | |
| They were still digging deep to serve... Holy crap! | |
| Did you see that? | |
| He just came back and then left. | |
| Wow. | |
| He came back for 30 seconds and then left. | |
| This is why we can't fact check CNN. | |
| Sorry, but oh my gosh. | |
| But they've been serving people in the community, giving meals, and it's exciting to be able to support those folks again. | |
| Also, I like to eat, so I'm going to eat. | |
| By the way, to everyone out there, to those who do have the means, Do support your local businesses. | |
| Do go out there. | |
| Try and support restaurants. | |
| Try and go to your local stores. | |
| Tip well. | |
| I mean, we've been doing that with even people who, like, come by the house. | |
| Like, we have a guy who comes and does the pool stuff. | |
| Now, that's a good example. | |
| It's not hard to do the pool thing. | |
| It's really not hard to keep a pool in shape. | |
| But we know that this guy makes a living doing that, and so we have him come out once a week, and we've just tipped him a little bit extra. | |
| So anyone out there who does have the means and is not unemployed, Please do consider. | |
| What can you do? | |
| You know what? | |
| Honestly, instead of just funneling your money into a charity, it's just as useful to support your local businesses, because it's basically a charity that's self-sustaining. | |
| You need to support your local Joe Biden. | |
| Yeah, I know. | |
| Joe Biden is here. | |
| Best not to make eye contact. | |
| I'm trying not to. | |
| And if he lays India, it's best to just let him finish. | |
| Oh, please, no. | |
| Best just to let him finish. | |
| Everyone stay seated. | |
| We do have a couple of chats here. | |
| And we do have more giveaways. | |
| We do. | |
| Plenty. | |
| I really should have invested in better security. | |
| These COVID cutbacks. | |
| He's taking his place. | |
| Oh, he's falling asleep. | |
| That's tiring. | |
| Is he dead? | |
| He stopped. | |
| Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I'd make my income like this. | |
| Chat says, you helped me get through my last deployment. | |
| I'm glad I was finally able to join Mug Club for this deployment. | |
| Once I get my mug, it will be coming with me on deployment three times. | |
| I'll send you pictures. | |
| Semper Fi, guys. | |
| What's odd is that he clearly only had enough characters, so he had to misspell it once. | |
| Thank you very much Semper Fi. | |
| We really appreciate it, brother. | |
| And we get a lot of people who listen and watch on military basis. | |
| And I tell you what, that really does mean a lot to us because when people talk, and listen, obviously healthcare workers who are out there when there's uncertainty, of course they're brave and they should be commended. | |
| But let's not forget the people who are real heroes all seasons of every year. | |
| The American troops who really are going forward and fighting for our freedom. | |
| And by the way, fighting for our freedom to protect us from tyrannical governments who want to destroy it, like China. | |
| Just because they haven't attacked us, just because we're not at war with China, does not mean that they are not a government, not the people, a government diametrically opposed to our ideas. | |
| And so I'm so grateful that we have people like that out there. | |
| We have a second one here. | |
| Did you check on Joe? | |
| No, I don't care. | |
| He's fine. | |
| He's good. | |
| He's docile. | |
| Get rid of him and trot out John Kasich. | |
| Hey, hey, someone pour that Black Rifle cold brew on his face. | |
| Another chat here. | |
| I'm so happy that you did the month of Mug Club. | |
| It showed me that I needed it, lol. | |
| Y'all are fantastic. | |
| Well, thank you very much. | |
| You're fantastic. | |
| Our pain and suffering showed you you needed this show. | |
| Honestly, we only promised four hours, and I don't know how much longer we're going to go. | |
| And Bill, I know you have a Mrs. to get home to. | |
| We might go another few minutes, another 15. | |
| I can go a little bit more because this is the part of my job that, truthfully, I enjoy the most. | |
| It's the prep, it's all the other work, it's the business stuff, which you know and you help handle, but all the stuff going on with sponsors and making sure that we're not getting completely removed from social media platforms. | |
| But actually being here and being able to interact with you guys, be it the chat or you guys tweet us and we see you in the comments section, it's meant a lot to everyone here as well, so I really do appreciate it. | |
| Yeah, thank you. | |
| So what else do we got? | |
| Chats? | |
| We got giveaways? | |
| Yes, we do have several giveaways, actually. | |
| We got six more to go. | |
| Oh my gosh! | |
| We can just run straight through them. | |
| Alright, let's knock them out! | |
| Can someone else read them? | |
| Yeah, absolutely. | |
| Alright, read the giveaways that we have. | |
| Alright, so we got... I'm just gonna jump straight to it. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Just straight to the winner. | |
| Let's just do that. | |
| Okay, the winner. | |
| Okay. | |
| Winner is... Hey, everyone. | |
| Thank you for getting him out of here. | |
| Cool, thank you. | |
| Paul Ben. | |
| I said not to let him out of your sight. | |
| Only one person gets a mask? | |
| And it's Bill? | |
| I never realized how much... I never... Aw, there you go. | |
| That one's been used, though. | |
| Adam West, Batman. | |
| Batman just checked his inherent racism. | |
| He only gave a mask to the Asian. | |
| Aw, but he loves me. | |
| Oh, hold on a second. | |
| Look, bring this up really quickly before we go to that. | |
| At least 31 states moving to reopen by weekend despite rising deaths warnings. | |
| Well, how are they going to reopen there, Chris? | |
| That's a Ben's Curve, asshole! | |
| He's lost it. | |
| The wine's hitting him. | |
| He said he couldn't bend it! | |
| It's bent! | |
| Yeah, that's exactly how people yell from their bicycles to him. | |
| Well, let's do this, Chris. | |
| Why don't we just follow the advice from your pals in China? | |
| They've reopened? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, look, if we can say that's where the curve's going. | |
| It's remarkable. | |
| Despite death warrants. | |
| Despite peaking deaths. | |
| It's like, hold on a second. | |
| Unless there are no deaths, there are obviously always going to be more deaths. | |
| And so the idea is, again, we're talking about a phased program. | |
| In Texas, frankly, I don't even know how honestly smart it is to Only allow 25% of capacity, because that might be one foot in, one foot out, where they might not be able to make enough of an income. | |
| Right, I think it's two weeks and they're gonna say, hey, I think it's just covering themselves. | |
| Just in case. | |
| The point is it's far more conservative than Lil' Cuomo. | |
| CNN sent an entire team to Wuhan, and we're all supposed to be excited that they're reopening, while we sit at home and watch on CNN. | |
| The curb that is bent, that is being claimed that it's not bent! | |
| That was the last straw. | |
| What do you think Sanjay? | |
| I don't know. | |
| We check in with Tintin in Wuhan in short pants. | |
| Chris? | |
| Make sure you have a mask. | |
| All right, let's do the giveaways. | |
| Max S! | |
| Too cute, Matty. | |
| Top Gun helmet. | |
| Oh! | |
| Bullet hole included? | |
| Let's get some of these in here. | |
| Let's keep going, let's keep going. | |
| Top Gun helmet, that's gonna go to Max S. Katrina E. Katrina E got the custom-made stage-worn fig shirt. | |
| That's right. | |
| Those are not for sale. | |
| Only giveaway. | |
| Not for sale. | |
| Not for sale. | |
| Just to be really clear. | |
| Just a prop. | |
| That one right there. | |
| All right, Alexander B. got the Bill Law So we've got a mug. | |
| I didn't know this was... Is this a thing? | |
| So we've got some shirts. | |
| Bring a law firm mug. | |
| So bring it over. | |
| You get a mug. | |
| It's got my name on it. | |
| Bill got a mug? | |
| I brought my own mug. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Like a normal person. | |
| Wait, hold on a second. | |
| We missed that bit. | |
| I didn't even know about this. | |
| What's going on here? | |
| Oh, come on. | |
| For Bill! | |
| Oh, good! | |
| Yeah. | |
| You and Ozzy Osbourne, apparently. | |
| Good for you. | |
| Good for you. | |
| Support your people. | |
| That's disgusting. | |
| By the way, just... Let's be fact-checked by Snopes. | |
| It could be a different strain of coronavirus that is bioavailable in bats. | |
| So we don't want to judge because to appropriate is to appreciate. | |
| All Americans, lest you be racist, should try bat soup before you knock it. | |
| Or any winged rodent. | |
| No, no, no. | |
| They got bat souffle, bat gumbo, bat creole, bat kebabs. | |
| They got flying squirrel stew. | |
| Yup, yup, they got flying squirrel stew. | |
| Are there any other flying rodents? | |
| There must be. | |
| Okay, what are the last of the giveaways? | |
| No, we got two more. | |
| Amber H gets the half-Asian Bill Cancer tumbler. | |
| I just want to let you know. | |
| It's a different Amber H. And maybe it's the same. | |
| I don't know. | |
| So we got this tumbler. | |
| But it's actually from my firm. | |
| And I've signed it here. | |
| And just so you know, guaranteed that it's crappy, it has the Ben Shapiro, Star of David seal of approval on the back. | |
| Wow. | |
| So it does have cancer. | |
| Confirmed. | |
| Wow. | |
| Okay. | |
| This is coming off as anti-Semitic. | |
| I don't know. | |
| It's okay. | |
| Hello! | |
| What are you kidding? | |
| I love Ben Shapiro. | |
| Not anti-Semitic. | |
| Not least. | |
| You have a tough act to follow because the Chinese government is not super tolerant of Jews. | |
| That's another thing. | |
| Bill de Blasio, not tolerant of Jews. | |
| See him out there? | |
| You gotta round him up! | |
| Yeah, he was like, oh, you know, there's lots of people gathering. | |
| I'm not just going to send the cops this time. | |
| I'm actually going to go down there and tell the cops which people to ask over celebrating the death of their religious leader. | |
| And there's some Jews inside. | |
| Burn Jericho's memorating our mourning. | |
| We feel like we've heard this before. | |
| Yeah, very similar. | |
| What? | |
| De Blasio? | |
| I'm sorry, only one group that he specifically labels in an entire city's worth, and it's the Jewish community. | |
| Crying out loud, Mussolini, put some distance between him and yourself, De Blasio. | |
| Be a little more subtle, okay? | |
| Alright, we got one more, last but not least. | |
| Joshua B. Josiah. | |
| Oh, Josiah. | |
| Sorry, I can't read. | |
| Half-Asian Bill's Panda Mug. | |
| He's been drinking through it the whole show. | |
| He's got Corona all over him. | |
| Josiah lives in a small town in Indiana. | |
| That's someone on a commune if I've ever seen it. | |
| Hey, hey, I would not use this mug in public. | |
| You're the next Branch Dominion. | |
| If that guy knows how to work a loom. | |
| Right, yeah. | |
| What is he, unwanted? | |
| Is he telling the future? | |
| Is he promising a woman a firstborn and spinning shit into gold? | |
| A little bit, Steve. | |
| Yes, he was. | |
| All right, hold on a second here. | |
| How do they make those fireplaces? | |
| Let's, uh, and by the way, give them the rules really quickly for someone who's going to be flown out here. | |
| Again, the purple coat is quarantine $3 off. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So we've got quarantine. | |
| Go ahead, finish that part. | |
| No, that was it. | |
| I'm done. | |
| No, no. | |
| Quarantine. | |
| $30 off it ends tonight at midnight. | |
| Do this. | |
| Your thing. | |
| The final giveaway. | |
| So if you're renewing, renew. | |
| You've got to be active. | |
| If you're registered or you otherwise apply through the alternate ways that we have, because no purchase is required, look at the official rules. | |
| But anyone who is a registered Mug Club member by midnight tonight, 1159 Central, will be entered in the drawing for the grand prize, which we will announce when we come back from our break. | |
| On May 11th, for the grand prize, which is coming out to this godforsaken studio, this godforsaken crew, and with the new props in our prop closet. | |
| It's true. | |
| I gotta work on those. | |
| How many Gerald B's do you have, be honest? | |
| Do you mean double-sided? | |
| Let's see what they have, and then we'll see what they have, and then we'll go to the next segment. | |
| You keep the camera on! | |
| So Chris Cuomo... We don't have to do this as conservatively as you cats want everywhere. | |
| Well, I'll give you half a point for that. | |
| There are states... | |
| Montana, Wyoming, Alaska. | |
| By the way, a lot of countries have turned a corner because all of their most vulnerable are dead. | |
| I'm not laughing at the dead, but seriously, like, Italy and Spain? | |
| The reason they've turned a corner before us is because there are only so many 92-year-olds that the virus can kill. | |
| We killed everybody. | |
| It's called a fire break in the population. | |
| You just kill the people. | |
| That headline right there is saying that Italy is better off than the United States. | |
| Do you understand that? | |
| It's true. | |
| It's not true. | |
| So the doctor right before that was actually saying, you really need to treat different states with different population densities differently. | |
| And it seems like he's saying... | |
| Forget it. | |
| He's in a new segment now. | |
| He can't be held accountable for things he said last segment. | |
| Didn't happen. | |
| And then the second question is, does science love you? | |
| you. | |
| And you just, you have to take a certain amount of time for human trials in order to ensure that you have a vaccine that is both safe and effective. | |
| And that's very, very hard to compress. | |
| That's a pretty, that's a pretty fixed amount of time. | |
| You know, I think it's a good idea that they're talking about trying to manufacture at the same time, or at least build the manufacturing capacity so they're ready to go. | |
| Great that they're doing that. | |
| What I'm frustrated by is that they can invest in warp speed for vaccine, but they're not investing in warp speed for testing. | |
| By the way, does anyone else notice that Anderson Cooper and Sanjay Gupta were in the studio and Chris Cuomo has been cleared of all coronavirus? | |
| He's just a prick who wants to broadcast from his basement. | |
| He's just a diva. | |
| There's no reason that he couldn't be in a studio. | |
| I think he's just in a trailer in a different part of the same studio. | |
| It's the Airstream Hour with Fredo! | |
| I'm not sure. | |
| One company in Maine, love Maine, don't get me wrong, but one company in Maine making | |
| the swabs with the polyurethane tips, one, is all we've been able to figure out. | |
| That's just a bad fact. | |
| I don't understand why the desperation isn't there on the PPE side and the testing side. | |
| But here's your problem, John. | |
| We have plenty of PPE. | |
| Hold on, hold on. | |
| Hold on a minute. | |
| By the way, industry is also required. | |
| The guy who's bashing companies, corporations, business. | |
| Oh man, everyone needs to be locked down. | |
| Oh, we need to break up all these corporations. | |
| I can't believe these corporations aren't out there making these products. | |
| There's only one in America? | |
| Terrible, I can't believe it. | |
| What happened to, where's Q-tip? | |
| Where's Q-tip in all this? | |
| I need another banner to throw. | |
| Well, we're fresh out. | |
| Let's see what he's asking here. | |
| People are scared. | |
| They want to get back to work. | |
| People die. | |
| People get sick. | |
| It's part of reality. | |
| We're not going to all die. | |
| We're not going to all get sick. | |
| We're past the fear. | |
| And we want to get back to life so we can take care of our families. | |
| That could be tough to overcome, no matter what the numbers are. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The human spirit is a real bitch. | |
| We're past the fear, but don't worry. | |
| Here at CNN, we'll make sure that you fear again. | |
| Keep that fear up. | |
| Keep America afraid again. | |
| His question was, talk for five minutes. | |
| Thoughts on that? | |
| We're going to go to a restaurant without additional testing, without additional evidence that it is safe to do so. | |
| Wait! | |
| This is from Cambridge, Massachusetts. | |
| We've talked about Los Angeles County, New York City. | |
| Whoa, Biden, what's going on here? | |
| What did I say? | |
| Massachusetts? | |
| I couldn't get Massachusetts about that. | |
| Sorry. | |
| I don't have those in Asia, but don't think I'm not feeling the Belgian ales. | |
| He's from Cambridge, MA. | |
| He's from some other place in the state that's not Boston. | |
| He's from Cambridge. | |
| How far is that from Chelsea? | |
| Because we have New York City, right? | |
| We have Santa Clara County, we have Miami-Dade County, and then I think, if I'm not mistaken, Reg, the research band that can bring it up, I think it was Chelsea in MA who did antibody testing. | |
| Where they're saying we need more testing but then they immediately refute any antibody | |
| testing that shows the death rate might be 0.5 to 0.1 is inaccurate. | |
| How many counties over is that from Cambridge? | |
| I don't think it's that far. | |
| Not very far. | |
| But here's the problem. | |
| Do you know how much testing we would need to satisfy these goons? | |
| Billions. | |
| Well, you know what's funny? | |
| Let me tell you why. | |
| These are the people who believe that the census should be done by sampling, and they don't understand that conservatives argue it's unconstitutional because, hey, let's just have an election done by sampling. | |
| The reason, though, they want to do it by sampling, and it is a valid argument, is that it's a much more accurate way to collect data, which is perfect for epidemiology. | |
| They want to do elections that way, but all of a sudden, when it comes to antibody testing, which is the originally intended purpose of sampling-type data, they throw it out. | |
| Right, but here's your problem. | |
| I go get tested right now. | |
| I leave here. | |
| I go to your favorite gas station, QT. | |
| You know you love it. | |
| I get a test result back on the phone before I get there and it says, hey, no COVID-19. | |
| Fantastic. | |
| I walk in. | |
| I touch a door. | |
| I come back out to the car. | |
| Guess what? | |
| I could possibly have it because somebody else touched it. | |
| Now I need another test because I've touched a surface in public. | |
| I need that test 50 times a day. | |
| Every American would need the test 50 times a day to make sure they don't have it and they're not spreading it. | |
| This is stupidity. | |
| Look, I took a test. | |
| My test said my blood test positive brings sick as fuck of Chris Cuomo. | |
| I'm leaving. | |
| I'm not going to be here for another minute. | |
| I'm sending Fat Soup Batman in here. | |
| He's taking my seat. | |
| No, okay. | |
| Thank you, Bill. | |
| Bye, Bill. | |
| Love you, Bill. | |
| Love you, half-Asian Bill Richman. | |
| We should get going soon, anyway. | |
| No, I think that's absolutely accurate. | |
| And that was another thing that the doctors in Bakersfield were saying, that if they test... | |
| Don't throw it again, oh Bill, he threw it again. | |
| Oh boy. | |
| He needs anger management, change my mind. | |
| He'll be okay. | |
| He needs a Cuomo dummy to hit. | |
| Those doctors, was it Erickson from Bakersfield, California, they talked about that, they said, I bet you if we went into your house and tested, we would find traces of COVID-19. | |
| Somewhere. | |
| Think about this for a second. | |
| People are all, you're going to grocery stores, you're going to Costco, you're going out to all these essential places, especially if you're going and you're getting tests, let's say you're going to a pharmacy. | |
| People, this idea that people are staying home, It's not accurate. | |
| It's all really a variance of degrees. | |
| What is this? | |
| Bill Gates is back here again? | |
| What are you trying to do? | |
| Another vaccine. | |
| Bill said I could show up with you guys and talk to you about vaccines. | |
| Really? | |
| What information do you have to provide for us about vaccines, Bill Gates? | |
| Well, I have one right here, Steven, if you wanted to try it. | |
| You know what I love is he's been holding his finger to flick it. | |
| Now he's going, there you go. | |
| He's a flicker. | |
| So I appreciate the method. | |
| He's a flicker. | |
| I appreciate the method acting. | |
| Like, the most concerning part in this horrifying motion pictorial is that, is Bill Gates gonna flick it to make sure there's no noxious gases? | |
| I think it was a very nice flick, though. | |
| It was a good flick. | |
| I'll tell you what, I don't trust what's in that. | |
| Give it to Gerald. | |
| No, no, no. | |
| I'll take it, whatever it is. | |
| There you go. | |
| Gerald, would you like to have some? | |
| No, what the hell is that? | |
| I'll take it. | |
| You have a nice suit. | |
| Your suit looks like early aughts Jordan Peterson raped Window XP. | |
| Hey, watch out, there's equipment. | |
| There we go. | |
| Please don't. | |
| I'm well familiar with it. | |
| Like Jordan Peterson from those old videos? | |
| You're well familiar with words? | |
| No, that was your cue, Bill Gates. | |
| Like the real Bill Gates. | |
| He just won't leave. | |
| This vodka is very potato-y. | |
| Look, once you start him up, he'll never stop, Stephen. | |
| He'll never stop. | |
| Oh, boy. | |
| I can't even put the lipstick on. | |
| This is worse than children playing doctor. | |
| Hey Bill Gates! | |
| Do you like surprises? | |
| It's a vaccine. | |
| It smells like hand sanitizer. | |
| Hey Bill Gates, do you like surprises? | |
| Oh it's a vaccine. | |
| It's a vaccine? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Whoa! | |
| Smells like hand sanitizer. | |
| Straight vodka. | |
| We should not let your two edit bays be that close to each other. | |
| It's not good. | |
| They have infected one another. | |
| It's just a surge of bad ideas on a regular basis. | |
| Alright listen I think we're all about to tap out because when the MyPillowGuy comes | |
| up with Bible verses. | |
| Not that I don't like a good Mike Lindell interpretation of scripture. | |
| The subtitle is, From Crack Addict to CEO. | |
| That's what it says. | |
| Hey, it's a come up story. | |
| Everybody loves a come up story. | |
| Good job. | |
| From crack addict to MyPillow CEO to interpretations of the most complicated verses in all of the New Testament, read this new interpretation of the Book of Revelations from Mike Lindell. | |
| Okay, let's see what Chris, please Chris, give us something to fact check on the way out here. | |
| ...the reopen now trend. | |
| The Massachusetts governor, Governor Charlie Baker, extended the stay-at-home order there until May 18th. | |
| Now, even before that was announced, Boston's mayor had made clear his city wasn't going to reopen any time soon. | |
| We have the mayor, Marty Walsh, joining us now. | |
| Welcome to the Prime Time, sir. | |
| Thank you for taking the opportunity. | |
| Thanks, Chris. | |
| Thanks for having me. | |
| I know the anxiety level there is real as well, and they're hearing people and watching people reopen. | |
| Why do you not feel the fervor? | |
| Because it's not the right thing to do, and my job right now is to keep people safe and keep people alive. | |
| No city should be allowed to exist that elects a mayor named Marty. | |
| Listen, this city's a hell house. | |
| Put Marty on it! | |
| Marty'll fix this piece of shit, this crap hole over here. | |
| Marty knows what's happening, okay? | |
| I know, I saw him down there at Finnegan's Pub. | |
| Marty knows these people who are going out there protesting all about their fucking civil rights. | |
| Marty's gonna put the kibosh on that. | |
| So fast, it'll make your head spin. | |
| By the way, go Patriots. | |
| Giants suck, right? | |
| He's also got great stories. | |
| The best stories. | |
| Oh my. | |
| Mahdi has the stories about this time that he went down to the bar and there were two folks, two packs, two people of color who clearly weren't supposed to be there. | |
| Mahdi let him have it. | |
| And not in a racist way, too, because like, I'm not racist, right? | |
| Like, I understand what's up, what's happening. | |
| But Mahdi, you know, he don't tolerate that showboating, single-ball player, streetball bullshit. | |
| He's a team player. | |
| Mahdi's the man for me. | |
| Mahdi's down to the fundamentals. | |
| He's all about the basics. | |
| And that's what wins games. | |
| Go Celtics. | |
| Knicks suck. | |
| The fundamentals, baby. | |
| It's all about the fundamentals. | |
| That's a terrible accent. | |
| I'm horrible at bossing. | |
| I think I'm horrible at all accents. | |
| It's a camaraderie though. | |
| People of color are really disproportionately affected by the COVID-19. | |
| That's not really a problem for Boston, but it's something that we think about when we're talking about other municipalities. | |
| And Marty's got that on the front of his mind. | |
| So, that's what we appreciate about Marty. | |
| He's not Collard himself. | |
| What he thinks about him, you know? | |
| Like a lot of us, we don't really think about him that much. | |
| Like my friends, you know, we're just a couple of guys from Southie, you know. | |
| And I know people give us a hard time because we got like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck and everyone thinks, but we're not all a bunch of fruitcakes just because we don't have colleagues. | |
| We're allies. | |
| We're allies. | |
| We're certainly allies. | |
| You know, like really, people don't realize this. | |
| The Celtics in Boston, Like, they think about Larry Bird. | |
| We had a lot of, we had a lot of Negroes on that team as well. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| It's true. | |
| We always had that right. | |
| To compete. | |
| To compete. | |
| Everyone, yeah, listen. | |
| Everyone thinks it was all about magic and Hakeem Olajuwon, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. | |
| My left nut could throw up three pointers faster than Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. | |
| Larry Bird wiped the court with a... That's a prolific left nut. | |
| Owned the whole Los Angeles Lakers. | |
| And I don't mean that in a racist way. | |
| Ask Marty about it. | |
| I think any time you have to say, I don't mean that in a racist way, 60 times. | |
| It means you're from Boston. | |
| It means that you probably mean it in a racist way. | |
| You just don't want to be labeled that way. | |
| Okay, I'm just waiting for some kind of information here that's valuable so that I can be sent off on a high note. | |
| Well, he brought Mayor Marty on, and he hasn't got anything useful. | |
| Let's hear what Marty has to say, and let's hear our next response from Chris Cuomo. | |
| Chris Cuomo. | |
| Christopher Cuomo. | |
| That's very cute. | |
| It is. | |
| It's probably what his kid says. | |
| Hey, hey, listen. | |
| Chris, don't think that we forgot for a second that your wife was out there hawking Himalayan salt lamp cures for the coronavirus and doing the Clorox bleach baths that they had to release a statement about. | |
| You're over there, your broad's blaming Donald Trump for telling people to drink Lysol, which he never fucking did. | |
| But your wife was taking baths and Clorox, talking about vitamin C and earthen mats, how that was going to stop the next pandemic. | |
| All I'm trying to say, Chris, is I understand you want to be a man of the people, but you're a fucking prick. | |
| That sums it up, man. | |
| I don't even know what to say after that. | |
| Those are Marty's words, not mine. | |
| Marty lets him stay at his house. | |
| You know what, Chris? | |
| right. | |
| Because the shelter system is breaking down and there's no capacity and they can't be | |
| in the hospitals right now. | |
| There's nowhere for them to go in New York City. | |
| You made special accommodations for the homeless. | |
| And that was a humane thing but also a tactical thing. | |
| Marty lets them stay at his house. | |
| Because people start using that as an excuse. | |
| You know what, Chris? | |
| I'm going to stop you there. | |
| We thought it was a humane thing to do. | |
| We had a bunch of homeless guys, a bunch of homeless gals, bastards over here. | |
| We collected so many homeless. | |
| We were laying down a trail of sandwiches outside of your Airstream, all the way down to Cambridge, until we realized that we weren't actually rounding up the homeless to send them to hospitals. | |
| They were just folks from Boston. | |
| So now we have to rethink our approach, Chris. | |
| And I really wish that you wouldn't have asked me on the broadcast when I'm nine Jamersons in. | |
| And if we don't take all the precautions today, well, you know what? | |
| There's going to be more coronavirus in September, and there'd be a chance that our kids don't go back to school. | |
| And that's not going to help our society. | |
| That's not going to help our children. | |
| That's not true. | |
| It's a complete lie. | |
| And I think that we have to continue to take this very seriously right now. | |
| We don't have that negative necessarily, you know, labeling of our homeless population because we did build out space for quarantine, for additional space in our shelter so they could self kind of Physical distance and we have at the Convention Center and at Boston Medical Center we have some hospital beds with healthcare for the homeless for our homeless that are COVID positive. | |
| Well, you guys earned the hashtag Boston Strong, and this is a very different kind of test trying to get that goal. | |
| This is what put them over the line? | |
| Amazing, amazing endurance to make it through. | |
| But we'll be watching your city, because once again, you are doing things that call for strength. | |
| That I agree with. | |
| Yeah, that I agree with. | |
| Yes, that's exactly what I was waiting for. | |
| Stay blessed, stay healthy, and please be aware you have this platform. | |
| It's a phone call away to tell people how it's going and why you're doing what you're doing. | |
| Thanks, Chris. | |
| It's good to see you better. | |
| Watching you go through this is really interesting to see, and I hope you and your family stay safe as well. | |
| God bless you. | |
| What are you doing on Tuesday? | |
| It became proof positive that I am the weak link in my family because the missus and my son... Yeah, you didn't need COVID to do that, Chris. | |
| It was fairly obvious. | |
| I don't mean to bust balls here, Chris, but your wife sells salt candles and she's been telling people they gotta buy fucking crystals to try and cure coronavirus. | |
| Clorox, baths, right? | |
| And I gotta tell ya, there was still no doubt in our mind that you're the fuckin' weakest link in that family, Chris. | |
| There was never a shred of doubt. | |
| So, listen. | |
| I'm not gonna speak on behalf of Marty, but I'll speak on behalf of the real people of Boston who wanna go back to work, right? | |
| Listen. | |
| Uh, y'all, everybody, I don't know why I would say y'all from Boston, y'all. | |
| Everyone out there, y'all see a transplant. | |
| Everyone out there, you can use, ah, look, look, we got a little Betty over here. | |
| Come on. | |
| Come on, dog. | |
| You got an hour and a half left to take advantage of. | |
| Mug Club quarantine discount. | |
| I don't care. | |
| I love you, you little... Okay, that's a little aggressive. | |
| Eventually she's gonna eat your face. | |
| Promo code quarantine to get $30 off. | |
| Mug Club quarantine is the hashtag. | |
| You don't have a lot of time left. | |
| Do it! | |
| Hour and a half. | |
| She is. | |
| Okay. | |
| She gets on us, she licks us, I'd say, okay, time to go to bed. | |
| Alright, well listen, if I'm entering the promo, I'll end this from Boston, okay? | |
| I wish there was more to fact check. | |
| I hope this has been of value to you, but everyone at home, listen, including, we know that we can just look at the, we can look at the actuary tables, and we know there's probably Probably a significantly lower amount of people watching from Boston today than there were last month. | |
| Of all races. | |
| Of all fucking creeds. | |
| Listen, I don't care. | |
| This is the thing about this virus, K. It's a great fucking equalizer. | |
| It doesn't care any color of the rainbow. | |
| Black, red, yellow, or white. | |
| Fucking black. | |
| It doesn't... | |
| Right, listen, all I'm saying, COVID, it doesn't give a shit, right? | |
| That's what I'm saying. | |
| You're truly colorblind. | |
| Everyone out there, listen, we're all in this together, not Chris Cuomo. | |
| I do obviously recommend everyone enter in the promo code QUARANTINE. | |
| You'll get $30 off. | |
| Yeah. | |
| At least until midnight, and then, you know, I don't know what to do. | |
| Midnight Central. | |
| After that, you're pretty much out of luck, and I appreciate you spending this time with us. | |
| I'm gonna take one week off, okay? | |
| One week off next week. | |
| We'll be back with a whole new show. | |
| I appreciate you being with us. | |
| I want to go home. | |
| I think I'm going to call myself an Uber if that's still in line. | |
| Are they still running Uber? | |
| I'm going to call myself an Uber. | |
| Don't stop by QT. | |
| Stop by Duncan. | |
| About 20 minutes later, take myself a huge dump. | |
| And I'll see you in about a week and two days. | |
| Thanks so much for tuning in. | |
| Love you. | |
| And I'm sorry we dragged you through the fucking mud. | |
| We did. | |
| Let's play us out. | |
| Let's just be done. |
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