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Jan. 17, 2020 - Louder with Crowder
01:30:55
#609 WARREN & BERNIE FEUD! | Jim Norton Guests | Louder with Crowder
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And Betty!
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
30 seconds!
God be with you!
All right, guys, this is it.
2020, move fast and avoid getting those community guidelines strikes.
I want regular content from all of you.
It's an election year, so use those algorithms.
If you're not sure if your content's borderline, err on the side of caution.
We don't need any more channels being banned.
Keep your content clean, gentlemen.
See you on YouTube!
Okay, let me show you, boy-dad!
Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
Go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go, go!
Bring it down!
Captain!
They've got us surrounded.
I don't know how much more we can take.
Come on, don't think like that.
I promise you, after this, I'll buy everyone here a round of beer.
Okay, even Brandon.
Thank you, sir.
Has he got a salute?
He's got a salute.
That's not protocol.
Corporal Black, tell me you have some good news for us.
Afraid not, Captain.
There's hardly anybody left.
They took out Gathered.
Priggy, you got ambushed.
Ben Shapiro's gone, and it gets worse.
It's not gonna get any worse!
It's just Vox videos.
It's all unboxings and makeup tutorials with training.
Can't forget!
Corporal Black!
You Palo Alto bastards!
Sir, we need to surrender!
Oh, come on!
We didn't come all this way just to give it up for some Silicon Valley sprite, right?
What's your name, private?
Given, sir.
He's not in our company, but he's still here.
That's a good sign!
It's an election year, dammit!
We created Mug Club exactly for this instant!
To guarantee a future free internet for all content creators, free from the legacy media gatekeepers!
That's why we're here!
Don't forget that I want you to walk a lot.
Get out, move up, and use Maddie as cover.
Three, two, one.
Ah!
You're a strange animal, that's what I know.
I know, I know.
You're a strange animal, I got to follow.
I'm a spirit.
Ah!
That's the sound of us back!
Thank you so much to the editing team, we did a wonderful job on that.
We have Jimmy Norton on the show today.
And I also, I don't know if you noticed, I have a new chair.
But the thing is, it's a great chair.
It's far better because of my giant fat ass and the lower back support.
They don't design chairs for giant fat asses like mine.
But the arms are a little lower, so every now and then I go like this and I go...
And then it's just really violent.
We did rehearse like face planted, just bang!
And then I clean it up.
This is all makeup.
All right.
Back to normal.
We have a lot to get to.
For those who are saying you're going to catch up on everything that happened when you were gone, no.
But some of it.
So we are going to talk about Elizabeth Warren, since she's looking at the front runner, her top five or four biggest campaign lies.
But we'll just title it five.
Yeah, yeah.
Because it's a better rounded number.
It looks good.
Let me ask you this before we move on.
Regardless of what you think regarding her policy, or any of the policies, I guess, from the people who remain in the DNC field, who do you view as a more honest, genuine candidate?
Bernie or Elizabeth Warren?
Because the two have kind of been going at it.
We have quarter black Garrett here.
That's awful.
What the hell was that?
If a black guy liked Star Wars, which is...
I mean.
Hey, you do what you know!
Audio Wade is here, G. Morgan Jr.
What's the wine of the day?
Wine of the day is Tenet the Pundit.
Tenet the Pundit?
Pundit, yes.
Pundit.
Tenet the Pundit?
Tenet the Pundit.
But it has an owl on it.
It does.
Doesn't make any sense at all.
It's very good, I have no idea.
It just shows you that wine snobs are affected p****.
And my half-Asian lawyer, Bill Richman, is here.
Glad to be here.
Are you glad to be here?
I am so glad.
I don't believe it for a second.
We have a lot to get to.
News.
Do you guys all have a good break?
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Did anything special happen?
You know, stuff.
Man, I didn't have to see Gerald for a couple weeks.
That was nice.
Star Wars sucked.
Yeah, really?
Oh, shut up.
Well, I could have told you that.
Jeez.
I'm glad everyone came in prepped with some interesting anecdotes.
Yeah, watch a great movie.
But first, Christmas happened.
Constantine.
Constantine, I hate you.
First, before we move on, Julian Castro is actually set to endorse Elizabeth Warren.
We go now.
Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Secretary Julian Castro
Now I'm not sure if on YouTube we're allowed to say Mexican, but if it's preceded by
f***ing Mexican Hmm, I think we're okay. Yeah, I
I cannot believe I didn't get more coverage.
I'd say she's fired, but I think she worked for the Castro campaign.
So, you know, she's destitute.
So there's justice.
Leading the news, of course, for those who haven't been following, Vince Vaughn was seen with Donald Trump at a college football national championship.
All kinds of controversy.
The actor was seen chatting, laughing in a private box, even shook his hand.
Now, most of you may have just seen the clip, but we've actually obtained some exclusive audio.
And when you take it in context now, it looks like Mr. Vaughn actually had some More examples, if you like.
For example, more cop suits.
Yeah.
That way we'll have less crime.
More cop suits, less crime.
More cop suits, less crime.
Listen, I know that you're busy.
I want you to let that simmer for a little bit, okay?
Percolate on that, and I want you to get back to me.
Alright?
More cop suits, less crime.
Okay?
I know that you're busy. I want you to let that simmer for a little bit, okay?
Okay.
Percolate on that and I want you to get back to me.
Alright? More cops, dudes, less crime. Okay? Okay. Thanks.
And you know what?
You should be drawn up on a crime for looking so good.
Am I right?
More cop suits.
Let's get back to him.
Love it.
Thought he made some good points.
He did make some valid points.
And he stayed on message.
That's important.
He did.
It's almost very important.
Methinksme smells a 2024 run.
Perhaps a Vince Vaughn, Shapiro ticket?
Who would talk faster?
Listen, I understand that you want to be at the top of the ticket, but I think, and I understand that that's okay to you, but it's not okay to me, but it's okay to you, but maybe it's not okay.
Listen, I understand you have some great ideas, kid, let's put that in the back pocket and go on down, make some bad decisions, maybe they're good decisions, okay?
Outch, outch, you're on my yamaka.
What is that?
He's not curb stomping him!
He's not curb stomping him!
They're both on the same ticket!
This is an American History X, okay?
Come on.
Don't judge their way to love each other, okay?
Oh, right.
And by the way, with only a few weeks to go before the Iowa caucus, you know, I don't know if you've been seeing this, things are starting to really heat up.
Very hot.
We'll be discussing more about Warren and Bernie in a little bit, though it appears that it was the Sanders campaign that fired the first shot.
So this comes from Politico.
Volunteers have been given a script to now refer to Warren as an elitist who is, quote, bringing no new bases into the Democratic Party.
So volunteers have been getting...
I don't want to say underhanded, but they've been playing some, uh... I wouldn't call it necessarily fair ball.
We've obtained some audio from one of these volunteers' calls, I believe.
Only, I would say, volunteer... might be a bit of a stretch.
Hello?
Good afternoon!
This is Bob!
Bob Sanders Donnell Whitson!
With whom do I have the privilege of speaking?
Who is this?
Pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Mr. Who-Is-This.
I understand that you are leaning toward presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren.
I'd like to ask you a few questions.
You sound familiar.
No, I don't.
You work on radio or something?
I swear I've heard your voice before.
I assure you that you do not know me, Mr. Who-Is-This.
Question one.
If you were to hear that Senator Elizabeth Warren was a filthy lying whore, would this make you more or less likely to vote for her?
Less, I suppose.
Interesting.
Question two.
There is no question two.
There never is.
That's the only one.
You need to keep your powder dry, Bernie.
You're going to lose that voice.
Jeez.
Oh my gosh.
This is just, it's one of those fights where you're just hoping for a Rocky III double knockout.
Exactly.
Ding!
Ding, ding.
Ha!
Um.
And then Avendraco kills her trainer.
And then Avondrago kills their trainer.
I don't know who that would be.
Would that be Debra Wasserman Schultz?
Turning to entertainment, the man who portrayed Superman on Hollywood Boulevard, a lot of you know him, he died this week.
Coroner said that he suffocated to death, unfortunately, inside of a clothing donation bin while high on methamphetamine.
That's a terrible way to go.
So it turns out this Superman's kryptonite was meth.
Pretty straightforward.
And everyone, for some reason, has it.
What are those?
Meth earrings?
Is that a meth dog collar?
What is it with Superman?
He has all of the powers in the world, except around Kryptonite, which is from his home planet, so apparently everyone on Krypton just acts like they have AIDS.
They have no powers whatsoever.
And everyone on Earth has Kryptonite something.
It's like a charm bracelet, and they just have kryptonite.
It's like garlic.
On the bright side, this Superman didn't live long enough to star in Horse Camp, so there's good for... There's good.
We'll count your blessings.
Spoiler alert, the title is exactly the film.
It does not get any better.
Lest you were expecting a zag, it is about a camp With a horse.
Okay.
Not horses.
Yeah.
A horse.
And Terry Hatcher cameos.
So have you been following the royal drama?
Yes.
Have you been following the royal drama?
These guys still have emperors and such, right?
Oh, absolutely.
We very much love the monarchs.
So the queen has agreed on a period of transition for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
This comes from CNN.
It comes after the couple's bombshell announcement that they wanted to step back from their roles as senior members of the royal family.
And the Queen said that she is relieved to finally be rid of this black stain on the House of Windsor so that they can get back to doing what they do best, horrific inbreeding.
They're excited about.
It doesn't even connect.
It's not even useful.
Hey, is he growing that extra ear to, like, donate to someone?
Is that like those mice?
It could be.
That's a birthmark.
Well, I should say, it's not functional.
So we just refer to it as a birthmark.
The thing is with Prince Charles, you're like, oh my gosh, someone has to marry that guy.
And then you realize, you know, people are with him for his money.
And then the really disgustingly, revoltingly ugly man picks Camilla.
Could have been better.
Just stop the inbreeding, pick anyone.
Not that!
Not that!
Of all the options you had.
You go with what you know, right?
I think the flipper kids would be more appealing.
So, by the way, it's been announced that Harry and Meghan, they're going to live part-time in Canada.
Do you guys know about this?
I don't know why anybody would do that.
Well, you know, I did it for 18 years, so thanks.
You live full-time there.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, he said that taxpayers may or may not have to fund their security detail, though the Prime Minister feels that most Canadians would be supportive, he says.
And that's because most Canadians Justin Trudeau speaks with are pussies.
I thought that was because they liked people in blackface.
That as well, but I was quoting page six.
It says in the source, pussies, yeah.
Which I'm surprised made it past censors.
Print media is not what it used to be.
It's a different country, different rules.
Shallow grave, like that of a serial killer.
Okay, this is a strange story.
The ones that serial killers Dig for people.
Their graves are not shallow.
They're very generous with their own graves, the serial killers.
Not with the others.
Strange story here.
It's very uncaring.
We're going to talk about Elizabeth and Bernie in a little bit.
Hold your horses.
We just have a lot of content we wanted to get out.
And if you don't like it, you know, hit fast forward.
And I don't blame you.
After sitting down for a caricature, this next one, a man robbed the caricature artist, but left the drawing on the easel.
That's my people.
No, it's not.
This comes from TMZ.
That's amazing.
Luckily, the police responded and the suspect was quickly detained.
Apprehended.
So, yeah, he could... Wow, that's really close.
That's uncanny.
I want to get that artist.
It's like that movie with Jamie Foxx, right?
Where, like, the guy on the street plays the cello.
He's, like, an amazing...
Look at that.
With you, everything's cello.
It is.
It's either violin or cello or abusing small children.
It's been beaten into it.
Why not?
It's perfect.
I love it.
And by the way, many, of course, are still reeling from the Hanukkah tragedy, the stabbing from over the break for which the suspect has been charged now with six counts of attempted murder.
And in an update, the suspect said that he is still hopeful, but that after murdering a bunch of Jews, it's hard to find a good lawyer.
Oh my gosh.
Bill, do you know anyone?
Hey, Ben?
Ben Shapiro?
Well, no, he just got stumped by Vince Vaughn.
Probably not.
He did, yes.
Curb stomp.
Terrible.
Listen, I haven't passed the bar yet, but I think fifth time's the charm.
Here's what I'm saying.
I think I can go.
I think that we can pair up together and maybe make some magic happen.
Maybe you want to make magic happen.
Maybe you don't take this.
Let this go in your back pocket.
We'll come back to it.
Uncle Sam's numb the wiser.
That's about it.
We're Vince Vaughn'd out.
Next story.
Stick to acting.
I don't know how to put this, but this was the number one trend one day.
You saw it, Corb.
Yep, Black Garrett.
How did this come across your feed?
I don't want to be that guy who says that this will destroy all of Western civilization from within.
Probably will.
Actress, I guess, Gwyneth Paltrow and goop entrepreneur.
And by the way, my wife, I got in the shower, that's goop.
You guys know that Gwyneth Paltrow, her brand is goop?
And I get into the shower and I see goop body scrub.
And I'm like, sh**.
I paid $75 for shampoo with a little bit of baking soda in it.
Oh my gosh.
That's terrible.
Take it back.
Gwyneth Paltrow is now selling a candle that, if you have children, get them out of the room, she says smells like her vagina.
Again, this comes from page six.
I'm reading a direct quote.
The candle, which is literally called Smells Like My Vagina, lists for $75.
But it's currently sold out!
What did they make, one?
Yeah, it's already completely sold out.
Alright, listen, you do you, but I don't like it.
We go now live to ex-boyfriend Brad Pitt's unboxing review.
I'll show you what's in the box!
What's in the f***ing box?!
Oh god! Oh f***!
Become it, Brad.
Become... Vagina Kendall.
No, no.
That was Kevin Spacey.
I know, you're a little bit slow to it.
It's not as good as the Vaughn.
Not as good as the Vaughn.
Kevin Spacey's not as good as the anything at this point, let's be honest.
He's at the bottom of the barrel.
Probably with a few boys.
Finally, sad news this week.
They're in the barrels!
They're in the barrels.
Who are you to judge?
Who among us has not committed sexual assault in a barrel?
Senator Cory Booker, in case you didn't know, dropped out of the presidential race.
In a message to supporters, he said that he will carry this fight forward.
He just won't be doing it this year.
And here at Louder With Crowder, I'd like to wish, of course, Senator Booker.
I mean, listen, at best, these people, they're worthy competition.
I don't wish them any ill will.
Wish Senator Booker well in his future endeavors.
As far as his campaign goes, it's time to close up shop.
The New York Times pointed out yesterday that when this Democratic primary started, it was the most racially diverse in history.
Yet now the top tier candidates are all men and all white.
Time to close.
Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning now.
I love seeing on Twitter when someone says I'm gay and I say, so what does it matter if I am?
So be it.
I hope you're not voting for me because you are making the presumption that I'm straight.
I have an incredible girlfriend.
I have this incredible girlfriend.
She is an incredible girlfriend.
Please don't try to like, you know, put more pressure on our relationship.
I know, I know.
Alright, let's talk about her.
Oh, I'm afraid not.
Rosario Dawson joins boyfriend Cory Booker at a premiere and he tweeted, actually, I joined her.
Were you ever called white boy?
Um, the situation is unacceptable.
The whole life, no no no, Every voter, every voter,
This president has attacked, attacked, Attacked.
I want to say no.
Actually, I want to translate that into Spanish.
No.
But what does it mean when you want it dirty?
And I found that out.
Now I appreciate the comments of my colleagues.
This is about the closest I'll probably ever have in my life to an I am Spartacus moment.
Do you know what is in a margarita now?
Clearly I do now because it was one of my biggest mistakes in the campaign.
Not on some policy issue.
♪♪ Aww.
Too bad.
How do you say in Spanish if Lex Luthor f***ed the Hodge twins?
Both.
Both of them.
Oh, it's long.
We'll cover the debates once it's down to the top three, and I do think we're going to be doing another Oscar stream this year, so tell us what costumes you want to see.
We're down to only 1,800 left, I believe, in the field.
Gosh.
Yeah.
Count them slowly.
Yeah.
Not going to be covered.
We'll cover the debates once it's down to the top three.
And I do think we're going to be doing another Oscar stream this year.
So tell us what costumes you want to see.
Let's get to Elizabeth Warren's top five campaign lies.
I think this is important.
We've done it with some other candidates, especially since right now Elizabeth Warren is the front.
Please be Elizabeth Warren.
Please be Elizabeth Warren.
I want to see the election between Donald Trump and Elizabeth Warren so badly.
Do you think she's the easiest out?
Is that why?
Of course.
It's just going to be hilarious.
Yes, I do.
I think it's so easy.
I want to hear what all of you think.
Comment below and let me know.
The reason why is Donald Trump doesn't really apologize.
No.
He doesn't walk it back.
And he's already gone to Pocahontas.
I know, that's what I'm saying.
That's going to be hilarious.
So I'm very curious as to where he takes it from there.
Because his rule is he's always pressing forward.
I assume the campaign is going to have some posters that include scalping.
It's going to go further.
It's going to get hilarious.
I think he's going to walk up and give her a snuggie.
Smallpox, right?
So I don't know.
The material's going to be the best with Elizabeth Warren.
I think it's going to be great.
I really do.
I really want to see him.
Who do you guys think is the easiest for him to beat?
Warren.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Hands down.
Thank you!
Joe Biden.
Joe Biden.
Really?
Joe Biden.
Too much Obama connection, too much old Democratic heroes.
I think Joe Biden and Warren kind of have that Hillary vibe.
They do.
Bernie's the hardest out, but he's the easiest one on paper to beat.
Yeah, but, you know, he'll be dead.
So, um, again, your question.
I didn't say, I don't take any joy in it.
I know you don't.
It's a somber moment.
Because that wouldn't be biblical, so we wouldn't do that.
Moment of silence for Bernie.
OK.
That was not so it was nice.
You never know.
I think you'll never know.
That was a nice moment.
Okay, let's give you some context here.
Lie number five, and this is a big one.
The lie that Elizabeth Warren perpetuated out there, that Bernie, Senator Sanders, said that a woman couldn't win the presidency.
For people out there who don't know, I think most of you do at this point, there was a story that went out, and I remember, I was sort of not reading a ton of news Christmas through New Year's, and so I was coming back in.
I understand what it's like for you guys.
It's tough to digest.
It's like drinking from a fire hose.
It is.
And so you read it and sometimes you assume, well why would someone lie about that?
And then you realize...
Chris Cuomo.
You go, it makes sense now.
You connect the dots, right?
So the story out there, and it was on CNN, that's where I originally read it and it was
covered everywhere, was that Bernie Sanders told Elizabeth Warren, or made a phone call
and said that a woman couldn't win the presidency.
There were no sources provided, by the way, no legitimate sources.
It was denied outright by the Sanders campaign, okay?
So I want to be clear to set that context.
Claim, no corroboration, no source, denied by the Sanders campaign, and then the CNN moderators pulled this move live with Bernie Sanders.
You're saying that you never told Senator Warren that a woman could not win the election.
That is correct.
Senator Warren?
Pretty clear.
What did you think when Senator Sanders told you a woman could not win the election?
I disagreed.
I never thought I would wish that Bernie Sanders had a back pocket full of anthrax.
That's it!
I'm done!
Taking you with me!
Good luck picking a VP!
You'll also get a package!
It's next day shipping!
Oh my gosh.
How?
That's the worst setup in the world.
And I understand a lot of people out there who are kind of Bernie bros.
Listen, I understand where you're coming from, where you feel like the deck is stacked against Bernie from the Democratic establishment.
At first I'm like, well, you know, maybe you're a little conspiratorial.
No.
Okay, no, yeah.
Confirmed.
Did you see him laugh, too, when we heard it?
He's like, ah, son of a... Here we go again.
Alright.
So, and this is important, too.
After the debate, Elizabeth Warren confronted Bernie, and this seems so staged, because CNN recorded it, but they had the right camera angle and the mic still going, and then they aired this footage.
You called me a liar on national TV.
What?
I think you called me a liar on national TV.
Let's not do it right now.
You want to have that discussion?
We'll have that discussion.
You called me a liar.
You told me.
All right, let's not do it now.
Listen.
That's classy.
Hats off to Bernie for that one, right?
It's just me.
Let's give a round of applause for that one.
It's the only one we will.
I don't, here's the thing, I think that he's wrong, but I do think there's a, he's a godless man who's trying to do the right thing.
Now in his mind the right thing involves killing babies and stealing people's money, I get that.
True.
But he did try and take the high road there, which I appreciate.
He's trying to dodge what's obviously an attack.
But just think of that rule.
Think of that rule according to Warren.
You know, they just made up something that's an indictment on someone's character, and when he corrects the record, he's accusing her of being a liar.
It'd be like me saying, hey, Gerald, remember when you said that you were a rapist?
And you say, no, that's not really true.
Therapist.
That's not true.
And then I say, why'd you call me a liar on my own show?
Why did you get the moderator to ask me if it was true and then assume that it was true in the question?
You called me a liar on national television?
YOU MISPRONOUNCED BITCH!
And not all women, that's not an intrinsic characteristic, just Pocahontas.
And of course, again, he claims that he's never said that.
I believe him, lest you think that I have no reason or context to believe that Bernie Sanders has a track record of saying that a woman could be president.
The real issue is not whether you're black or white, whether you're a woman or a man.
In my view, a woman could be elected president of the United States.
The real issue is, whose side are you on?
Again, I don't like Bernie Sanders, but I do appreciate truth.
Can we say right things like a woman can become president?
And also he looks like the scientist in a weird Nickelodeon show that should be for a kid like, IT'LL GO THROUGH EVAPORATION!
PRECIPITATION!
CONDENSATION!
SHIT!
CAN I TAKE ANOTHER TAKE?!
PRECIPITATION!
IT RAINS!
He needs to find a barber.
Or be a mathematician.
One of the two.
That was young Bernie.
I know.
That was Bernie post-makeup and hair.
He should have done that a long time ago.
He should have done that.
That was Bernie 40 years ago when he was 90.
It's fine.
I really would love to see... I thought it was the same guy.
If someone out there can do this, I will send you a free mug membership.
If you can somehow make it look like Bernie was in the live action Cats.
Yes.
I want to see that.
As the ball of yarn they're playing.
This is not a binding contract.
It's not a legally binding contract.
Not at all.
But you should still do it anyways, and we'll watch it.
Yeah, we'll watch it.
You'll get a t-shirt, but it's not binding.
And by the way, this is something else that really bothered me with the Elizabeth Warren.
After this, some people were coming out accusing Bernie Sanders of being as bad as the Me Too Rapist crowd, the Rapist Defender crowd.
So a prolific and well-respected journalist, and I hate this because sometimes you'll get this on, even on CNN or shows like The Young Turks or like Trevor Noah, people and they bring up a tweet from some random person.
It's like, that's an egg with two followers and it's just two other eggs!
It wouldn't even be half of a half carton of eggs!
So this journalist writes for Place Washington Post, New York Times, GQ, Gentleman's Quarterly for the uninitiated, Julia Loft.
She tweeted, I want to make sure I get it correct, still thinking about the Warren-Bernie squabble and I have a question to people who have accused Warren of lying.
Isn't the lesson of hashtag me too in the last few years that we believe women and don't call them liars?
I thought the lesson, which, by the way, was ill-founded, was that we always believe women who make accusations of rape, and I don't believe that.
But now you're saying we have to believe all women on everything?
That was the lesson?
Well, I think Julia's being intellectually honest about what the plan was.
The plan has always been no rebuttals, no counter-evidence, no trials, no questions, no investigation, no even raising the eyebrow.
No.
When you can't do anything, it must be just accepted.
And she's finally at least admitting that that's what it's all about.
Yeah.
And it didn't just stop at rape.
The lesson was, don't just believe.
We had too many cases of people saying, oh, that actually never even happened.
And this was just a complete smear against somebody.
The lesson is, prove your allegations if you can, please.
The lesson was verify.
But now we've expanded that from rape culture, which isn't a real thing, to anything a woman says ever.
That is so disturbing.
Yeah, and she writes this, by the way, for GQ, Gentleman's Quarterly.
I am stunned to find out that your subscriptions are shrinking.
Wow.
That an angry feminist is writing for Gentle, hey, what's in this week's edition, month's edition of GQ, is it how to wear suits, how to pull off a skinny tie?
No wait, men are pieces of shit, pieces of shit, pieces of shit, pieces of shit.
And there's an ad for Armani cologne.
That's about it.
I'm having my quarterly ass kicking for being a man.
I'll read this magazine.
Gosh.
GQ.
That's what gentlemen want to read about all men being liars.
Okay, so that's lie number five.
Let's look at Elizabeth Warren's track record on the truth, kind of outside of Bernie Sanders.
Number four.
This one was a big one.
A lot of people may have forgotten about this.
She claimed that she was fired for being pregnant.
My contract was renewed for the next year, and I was all set to go.
But I was pregnant at the time.
It wasn't showing yet.
About two months later, when I was visibly pregnant, about six months along, the principal called me in and said that he wished me luck, but he'd be more comfortable having someone else in that job, and he was going to hire someone else for the job.
And that was it.
I lost my job.
A component of that may be true in that I, too, would be comfortable hiring someone else, but it has nothing to do with the fact that you are with child.
I, too, would be more comfortable with anyone else, and it has nothing to do with your miracle of creating life.
Anyway, did you notice when you watched that, she didn't get the memo on how to lie.
I'll get to why none of this is true.
She was claiming that she was fired from a teaching job for being pregnant.
The first thing they ever do, like if you go Google signs that someone is lying, and this is very rudimentary, and it's not often true, and it's very easy to beat this, right, if you're a liar.
But she didn't even do that.
The first thing is, they look away, and they often look to the left.
And she is consistently, as she's saying that, looking down and to the left.
Down and to the left.
She took point here, so she was like, yeah, okay.
I look like I'm lying.
It's like she misread the instructions how to throw people off the scent that you're lying.
It was like when I was a kid and I got, she's not even capable of lying.
When I was a kid, I got a magic set and I immediately thought like, I know how to do magic now.
And I'm like, Hey dad, where's your card?
I would palm it, but he would see it in the back of my hand.
Like, look, where's your card?
What are you doing?
The Star Trek sign?
I don't know.
I don't know.
What?
I was so bad at palming it, that's Elizabeth Warren was lying.
That was a long way around, but you understand it.
School records.
Contest.
By the way, is there some kind of liability there, Half-Asian Bill, if someone says, I was fired for being pregnant, and there's proof that that's not the case?
Well, I mean, it gets to a kind of a common claim, such as defamation, right?
You're saying this school district, this individual, did something wrong.
That thing, or doing their job wrong.
You've accused them of something negative, but it's false.
That's a basic defamation claim.
Yeah, there you go.
If I was the principal and if that person is still alive, sue.
By the way, okay, don't listen to Gerald, he's not a lawyer.
I'm sure that happened like 18 years ago.
That is binding!
If you listen to Gerald, the next sound you hear will be the bars clanking as you remain there.
I'll join you in the cell, though.
By the way, there's nothing wrong with our sound.
It is raining so hard right now that the roof... Do you hear that?
Well, I pointed and I'm like, hey.
It's like one of those rain sticks that you would get at, what is it, like, Rainforest Cafe or you go to the science place right next to the snake that kind of acted like a real snake.
Extremely overpriced.
Uh, school records, here's important.
They show, by the way, that not only was her contract unanimously renewed, she was not fired, um, she resigned.
That's different.
Yeah, she resigned.
That's what happened.
Almost contradictory.
I just want to make clear, I just want to let that ride, because sometimes if you talk old people, wait, no, no.
She wasn't fired.
She resigned.
And lest you think that these former employers are lying, it actually tends to match up with the unofficial testimony of, you guessed it.
It was in a public school system, but I worked with the children with disabilities.
And I did that for a year.
And then that summer, I actually didn't have the education courses, so I was on an emergency certificate, it was called.
And I went back to graduate school and took a couple of courses in education and said, I don't think this is going to work out for me.
And I was pregnant with my first baby.
So I had a baby and stayed home for a couple of years.
First off, she looks older back then!
I know.
Wow.
It's incredible.
Is it Benjamin Button Week?
What happened?
It's terrible when you rebut yourself.
I have no idea.
Imagine being the person who has to... Anyway, I don't want to... I can't get an A.
She's unattractive.
I think I can say that because it's not a definitive claim.
It's more opinionative.
I find you repulsive, but not everyone.
Not everyone.
Not inherently.
We have some people in the studio here who, you know...
Take what they can get!
By the way, speaking of threading the needle carefully, which we will not do, hit the notification bell if you are on YouTube.
Hit all notifications because apparently there's another step right now, Bill.
You gotta hit the bell and then there's gonna say all.
You want to go to all so you can get all the notifications, get the stream, make sure you're here.
Because you don't get the live stream if you don't hit all.
Ah, OK.
And, of course, we have new videos that go up every day.
Is it 8 or 9 Eastern?
I'm not even going to guess.
OK, you're not going to guess.
And, of course, that's why we do ask that you join MugClubLivewithCutter.com slash MugClub.
There's a lot more content there, the entire Blaze catalog, because these rules keep changing.
That's how we stay in touch with you.
Lie number three.
She claimed that her children attended public schools.
There needs to be a little bit of context here.
A woman told Elizabeth Warren that their children had different opportunities because Warren's children probably went to private schools, and Elizabeth Warren immediately corrected her, saying that they attended public schools.
Okay, now that seems pretty cut and dry.
Yeah, it does.
Meaning a lie.
I went to grad school, not public school.
Okay, now that seems pretty cut and dry.
Yeah, it does.
Meaning a lie.
Here's the thing.
It's like, I don't know if you know this about John Edwards.
Actually, my wife had read the book.
I don't know how many books are on John Edwards.
It seems to me once you get to the point where he's making a sex tape with a pregnant lady while his wife has cancer in the hospital, you close the book and go, oh, he's the villain.
Done.
Yeah, you'd think.
Spoiler alert!
Big reveal.
But he used to buy, like, Armani suits.
Like, expensive.
Armani, Versace, Hugo Boss, Katon suits.
And then he would take out the tag and sew in JCPenney.
Really?
Yes.
He would do that because he wanted to seem like he was of the people.
This is what the Democrats do.
It's like the fake rappers getting shot in the face stories to have street cred.
They're just like you.
Their kids went to public schools.
Look, he shops at JCP.
I don't think they call it that.
It's a man of the people.
But I don't understand this.
Why is it bad if your kids went to a private school?
Why is it bad to wear an Armani suit?
At least President Trump kind of owns it.
He's the one guy who's like, he goes out there and says, I'm really rich, and the middle class needs some help.
You can have both things.
He couldn't deny it at this point, though.
No, I don't think he denied it.
Way too far past that.
If anything, he embellished it.
I will be the first trillionaire.
And by will be, mean am, okay?
So her kids did go to public school for like a semester.
I couldn't find out how long, but for the majority of their school careers, they went to private schools with tuitions ranging from $17,000 to $40,000 a year.
Holy cow.
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Look, call me crazy.
I want somebody who maybe could do it in their own life to be able to go do it for the country.
I don't want somebody who's like, I am just like you.
I couldn't make anything out of my life at all, but now I'm running for office, and I'll do a better job when there's more money at stake.
Right.
That's not my candidate.
Guys, we've seen, look, AOC has really changed the world.
The cautionary tale is what it is.
Let the model see if it'll work out, just like communism.
Do you think in ten years from now, Elizabeth Warren is just going to be like a swaddled baby?
Yes.
And therefore, be too young to be president.
Call back to the reverse aging.
I'm sure her Unitarian church could use her in the nativity scene.
Do they do nativity scenes?
Wait, she's ugly enough to have played all the roles.
Mary, Joseph, the baby, the donkey, I mean the whole thing.
What am I gonna play this year?
As I drink my beer?
I don't know, you want Balthazar's available?
All right, line number two.
She claimed that she was too poor to afford college.
Now, this is important because, again, it doesn't match up with her other claims.
Very Joe Biden-esque with this.
Elizabeth Warren claimed that college wasn't affordable in her day and that her parents couldn't afford a college application, let alone putting her through college.
By the time I graduated from high school, my folks couldn't afford a college application.
Much less to send me off to four years at a university.
So like a lot of Americans, I don't have a straight pants story.
Did she say I don't have a straight pants story?
I don't know.
Path story.
I don't know what that is.
I thought she was talking about boot cut.
Is that straight cut back there?
Now here's the truth.
Her parents didn't put her through college because she went to George Washington University on a scholarship.
So a little detail there.
Then she dropped out.
How did she get in without an application?
Have we sussed out that inconsistency in the story?
Well, this is conjecture, but she was forced to sell her body.
Spread the word.
But it was older then.
Just, I want you to know, this is a legitimate news organization.
You heard it here first.
Tell everybody and send this link.
It'll end well for you.
There's going to be someone out there like, I knew it.
She was a prostitute.
And actually, her pimp was, I probably shouldn't say this on air, an interdimensional vampire, Keebler Elf.
Oh, man.
I hate those.
And he paid her nothing but Milano cookies.
Which, I want to get into the whole connection with Pepperidge Farm and Big Pepperidge and Big Keebler and Mr. Christie.
He was beside Tower 7 with an Acme plunger.
So, she drops out.
We have Mr. Jones in the show.
He's a nice guy.
We'll have him back.
Dropped out of college to get married.
Ended up going to another public college for $50 a semester, which she herself tweeted out, I want to make sure I get this right, so I go to my non-prompter.
Don't you love this iPad tech?
I got my degree thanks to a quality public college where tuition was just $50 a semester.
That kind of opportunity doesn't exist for students today.
Again, I don't care that she got a scholarship.
I don't care that she went to a community college.
I think that's actually a good point, that $50 a semester, there's a way to make certain colleges affordable.
But the problem is, we have two contradicting narratives here.
First, you have the one where she was a poor child.
She was just a poor black child who couldn't afford college.
Then you have the second, that it was so easy in her day to go to college because it was so cheap, as opposed to today.
And it depends on who she's talking to and what bill of goods she needs to sell, and that's what bothers me.
Yeah, and how foolish would it be if you're so poor that your parents can't pay for the application fee and you are blessed with a scholarship that you then drop out and run away from that scholarship to just run off and get married.
You can't get married and stay in school and try to make a better life for your kids.
Right.
You just took a huge risk.
You're lucky it worked out, Pocahontas.
I don't like that you said that.
Sorry.
Trump said it.
Do we have to bleep him?
Pocahontas, I'm fine with.
I draw the line at offensively s*** puns.
Look, it worked.
Are you already a dad?
No.
Oh.
No.
I'm just stocking up on the dad jokes, though.
Okay, line number one.
I think you could have seen this coming.
I'm sorry.
I get it.
But actually, we did a whole segment on this, and we had to remove it because I was wearing the socialism fake shirt from YouTube.
Half-Asian Bill knows that, but it's available at Mud Club, so it's a little more in-depth.
And Jimmy Norton is coming up after this, who's in The Irishman.
We'll be talking about the film being nominated for the Academy Award.
Lie number one, her... What's the word?
Injun?
It's something a lot like that.
Let's go with Redskins.
Redskin heritage.
Unless you think Indian is offensive, wait till you see the clip and then I have a microfiber cloth for the egg on your face.
She's repeatedly used the supposed street cred of being Native American as a talking point and just as a refresher on the campaign trail.
My father's parents said, absolutely not.
You can't marry her because she's part Cherokee and she's part Delaware.
My papa had high cheekbones like all of the Indians do.
She said it, not me.
She also implied to have high cheekbones.
They all have high cheekbones.
Every one of them?
All of them!
All of them?
And no one else.
Apparently no one in the entire universe.
None of the Scandinavian countries.
And by the way, she didn't just dabble and like, oh, I'm part Native American.
She wrote a cookbook about it.
She went out, she was talking, she was speaking on reservations.
She's not!
She's not the DNA test that she took to prove, which is remarkable to me, this just shows you the ego on these people.
Like, someone should have advised her this was a bad idea.
She took a DNA test to prove that she was Indian, her words, not mine, and it actually showed that she may have less Indian blood than your average non-Indian American.
A whopping 1 in 1,024th native.
By the way, for reference, here's my 23andMe.
I am about as much Sub-Saharan African as she is Indian.
My dog, man.
Here we go.
Oh, you guys are bonding.
It's awesome.
It's so cute.
Imagine if I went out on this show and I just started dropping N-bombs.
And I was like, and I wrote a book about the plight of black Americans, the history of slavery.
I was like, no, no, no, no, no.
Here's my 23 and me.
It sounds absurd.
It is exactly the same.
The percentage is entirely comparable.
Here's what's really sinister about it, though.
Not that someone lied about their heritage.
That's kind of crappy, but you know, maybe you do it at dinner parties to make yourself interesting once the conversation has sort of reached its end with the reverse aging gimmick.
Here's the deal.
She has claimed repeatedly that even though she's part Indian, Native American, she's never benefited.
She's never used it.
I never used my family tree to get a break or get ahead.
I never used it to advance my career.
Question!
The book deal, pow wow chow?
Any of those.
Does that apply?
I don't know.
Was that advance just a figment of our imagination?
It doesn't.
It doesn't.
She actually had to give the advance back because the book sold so poorly.
Oh, okay.
That's right.
Technically she can write that one off.
I don't know if it sold or not, but I just assumed it did.
It had nothing to do with Nate.
That's because she was a woman.
Oh, so she'll never win.
You're either JK Rowling or no one's reading ya.
And even now, no one's reading it because of gender bending.
So what was it, the term turf?
Anyway, that happened during the break.
I don't want to get into it.
Nope.
Skip it.
Skip it.
But here's the thing.
Not only does she sell a Native American cookbook, she used her Native American identity to land a teaching job at Harvard.
In their law review, I have a lawyer here hailed her as being the first woman of color hired there.
Getting a little loose with the terminology, aren't we, Harvard?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, white's a color.
I think you're better at lawyering.
Thank you.
I thought it was a shade.
It's all the colors.
No, no, black is the absence of color.
White is all the colors.
Is it?
In colors like paint, white is the absence.
I think all of you are wrong.
Yeah.
I think you're better at lawyering.
Thank you.
I think none of you are good at the color palette.
No, I'm partially colorblind.
So I'm not good at color palette.
I'm not good at color palette.
Can we get a color wheel here just so I can understand?
I feel like we need that for every single Democratic debate now.
Imagine if we claimed that this show was the first online late night podcast show with a host of color.
Because I'm just as much a person of color with my sub-Saharan African as Elizabeth Warren.
Lest you doubt me, by the way, look at it!
Look at it!
Look at it!
It's absurd!
That's why, again, I can't, on this chair, the lower back support is on my coccyx!
And when I go down, again, I go down on the sleeve, on the thing, on the armrest, I go, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap!
And I get... And I only learned this because a black woman told me one time, she goes, ah, you got a ghetto booty!
I said, what does that mean?
It sounds like sexual harassment, but you've piqued my interest!
I want to see where this goes.
That's technical terminology, by the way.
Technical terminology.
I'm still with you here.
Yeah, and she said, it's because, you know, black people got it.
We call it a ghetto booty.
And I said, oh, well, I can't say that.
And before I could even at all try, you know, like white guilt my way out of it, she just went, mm.
That was it.
True story.
It was a hotel in Dallas.
I was with another host and he was just like, that was really uncomfortable, wasn't it?
Yeah, it's kind of rapey.
All right.
I think this is important because we know people will say, well, Donald Trump lies.
Granted, he does.
No one is perfect.
But the difference here is that, and this is just my opinion, and I want to hear what you think, Donald Trump exaggerates actions.
Donald Trump, what he has a tendency to do, there's a difference between lying, like a sinister lie, and being a bit of a bullsh** artist.
And anyone who's ever worked in sales, I mean, you know that.
You're selling a car.
This is the best car on the lot, right?
You need this car.
It's a stereotype for a reason.
He will exaggerate the length of his successes.
And then he'll diminish, maybe, the depths of his failures, right?
So Donald Trump, yeah, I get it.
In other words, he might be worth $3 billion.
I'm worth $7 billion, OK?
No, excuse me, $7 billion.
I'm like, well, hold on a second.
We have the Deutsche Bank.
It says you're worth $3 billion.
They are fake news.
They're not a news outlet.
It's just a Jewish accountant named Todd.
And then he'll demean it, you know, like Donald Trump may have been a good athlete in school, but he goes, I was the best athlete in school, okay?
Rudy wishes he were me.
And you're like, Rudy wasn't even that good of an athlete.
Because he wasn't me.
That's what I'm saying.
So he exaggerates actions, and he'll diminish his failures.
Maybe, hey, how many times have you filed bankruptcy?
Never!
Well, OK, I get it.
Your business has filed bankruptcy, not you personally.
So I think that that is different.
Sort of exaggerating, or maybe embellishing, actions versus Elizabeth Warren, who misrepresents who she is.
She misrepresents who she is as a person.
Make no mistake, we all laughed at Rachel Dolezal.
Remember the fake black NAACP sideshow bob hair?
We all laughed.
It's no different than Elizabeth Warren.
And here's the thing.
This is so important.
When people out there, when you read, you look at Vox, you look at BuzzFeed, you look at Salon, you look at CNN, and they say, your race, your gender, it is your identity.
It defines who you are.
That's very different from saying, hey, here's my pocketbook to, hey, this is who I am.
This is the makeup of my soul.
And that is entirely a lie simply to pander for votes.
That's more off-putting to me.
More off-putting to me than saying, I could write a check for a billion dollars is someone lying about being InGen.
I don't know.
You comment.
Tell me.
Jim Norton, right after this.
Stay tuned.
You must choose. It's called a T.
Bimbo, bimbo.
My name is Mr. Susan. You must choose.
And now it is time for you to do the choosing.
I am Mr. T.
Remember who I am? Remember who I am?
Give me the canteen. Give me the canteen.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, his sternum.
That's just his sternum, don't worry about it.
Turn him over, turn him over.
Alright.
You got a wound about the size of an acorn.
Turn him down.
I need a sofa.
What the hell is sofa?
Put his legs up.
Put his legs up.
Come on.
Alright, put pressure on it.
Tell us how to fix you.
Come on.
Okay, you're alright.
Put pressure on it.
Come on.
Come on.
What can we do?
Tell us.
Tell us how to fix you.
Tell us how to fix you.
Come on.
I can use some more of my Valkovie.
It's so good.
Give it to me.
Come on, give it to him.
No!
No!
Alright.
Alright.
No!
I know.
Oh.
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Put it side by side with your House of the Maxwells.
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Glad to be with him.
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Hey Garrett, just so you know, Steven moved the taping back 30 minutes.
Alright, thanks man.
Great, thanks for the heads up.
Appreciate it.
Alright, that's Sparkle.
That's the one.
Oh, look at that, it sparkles.
I just love the animation.
It's so good.
Hey Garrett, we actually are gonna need to- What the f***?
Brony.
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Alright.
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Alright everyone, this is a stickup!
Can you do what I do?
Are you gonna come?
Unquiet!
See, now I'm really self-conscious with the dancing because of our next guest.
And we were just talking about it during the commercial break.
I remember one time he was talking about someone who shall remain nameless.
But I know that our next guest, in case you hadn't guessed it, at Jim Norton, jimnorton.com.
It is Jim Norton.
It is one Jim Norton.
Where he said, oh, that guy's a dope.
He said, f***ing cornball.
And he said it, and I realized that he meant it.
Like, I wish I hated anything as much as he hated this f***ing cornball.
But it was bizarre to me to hear the term cornball and for it to represent such disdain.
You know, he's a co-host of UFC Unfiltered podcast, Degenerates, is on Netflix if you haven't seen it yet.
He's in the recent Martin Scorsese, the Irishman film.
Jim Norton, how are you, sir?
I'm great, buddy.
How are you doing?
I mean, you know, eh.
But what's with the cornball thing?
Like, because you use that a lot.
It's like the ultimate diss.
Because for some reason it feels good coming out.
Just to say cornball.
It's like it's a couple of syllables and it feels right and it's got a hard sound at the beginning and it's really deconstructing like anyone who thinks they're hip if you're just like oh you're a cornball it's like ah there's no rebounding from being a cornball.
Yeah I suppose I guess as a comedian that sort of matters because you want to be hip in the nightclubs with the kids and if someone says you're a cornball you're like well okay then I'm not going to be the next Dane Cook.
Yeah, it just sucks.
It sucks to be a cornball.
That's true.
And you had, plus you had a lot of black friends.
I did growing up, yeah.
Black guys calling you corny was the harshest thing because you want to just be like a white guy who's accepted by black guys and thought of as cool or at least thought of as not corny.
Right.
Being corny was just, I don't know why, that was a humiliating insult in 1985.
Right.
But Joe Biden puts it on his resume.
So yeah, he's proud of it.
Vice President and corny.
So we have a bunch to get to here.
First off, let me ask you this.
Did you ever think that you were going to be in the film nominated and arguably the favorite, or at least certainly up there for best picture for Academy Award?
No, it's so funny, man, like to be involved with that at all.
The fact that I made the fight, I didn't know I made the cut until the night before I was at the Comedy Cellar and Ray Romano came in and he said, Hey, great job in the movie.
And I'm like, I, cause I was trying to get tickets to the premiere and I was like, they're not getting me tickets.
So I'm not going to be able to go.
So I'm not in a movie.
I was spiraling mentally.
And then Ray told me like, Oh, you're in it and you did good.
And then I got tickets and went and saw it.
And, uh, I was happy with how it came out, you know, like watching myself is always a nightmare.
Right.
But seeing this, I'm like, you know what?
They showed more of it than I thought they would.
Like, I didn't think they were going to show that much.
Okay, why is that though?
Were you just, you just didn't think that you, and for those who don't know, you play Don Rickles.
On stage.
Joey Gallo was murdered that night, so that was actually true to life.
He went and saw Rickles at the Copa.
So I didn't know if it was a critical enough scene to make it into a movie that was cut from four hours to 3.30.
I'm like, if they have to cut five more minutes for whatever reason, that's probably not a critical scene as much as some of the other stuff they're doing with Pacino.
But they left it in because...
Sebastian references Rickles.
What, only Rickles can make fun?
And I guess... Right.
I guess he says he liked it because he left more than I thought he would.
And that is interesting, too, to note.
A lot of people don't know.
They cut it from originally four hours to three and a half hours, or as Peter Jackson calls that, impossible.
Someone needs to get him a copy of Final Cut Pro.
I'll take Avid at this point.
I don't think that man has ever met a cut.
Now, let me ask you this.
Playing Don Rickles, and I will say, your Don Rickles, by the way, was far more consistent than Al Pacino's Jimmy Hoffa.
Very good performance, but he was going Chicago, New York, Chicago.
That was the only thing that he was like, ah, this is Jimmy Hoffa.
You piece of s***!
What happened to Jimmy?
I don't know.
Of course, great film.
Everyone, if you're voting, if you're members of the Academy watching, vote for this film.
Did you feel that there was a lot of pressure?
I know it was a short scene, but Don Rickles in the realm of comedy, that's a lot of pressure for someone to portray them on screen.
You know, it's funny.
The pressure I felt was, because I've been compared to him my whole career, but it's more about the voice and the shape of the face, because I like Rickles.
And the fact that you use Cornball.
Huh?
What are you, Cornball?
He goes, ah!
He goes, ah!
But it was a natural thing.
It was never anything I aspired to be.
So the fact that people would always say that when they offered me the role, I didn't have to audition for it.
They said Scorsese watched one or two of my specials.
He's like, yeah, this guy can do it.
So then he brought me in and I had a meeting with him and we just talked comedy.
So I didn't represent to him like, dude, I'll be the best Rickles you've ever seen.
The fact that he offered it to me removed pressure.
But then when I walked in the room, I walked in the room and it was literally just Scorsese De Niro and Pesci standing there talking.
It was an empty room except for those three in between scenes.
And I'm like, first of all, I'm looking at Raging Bull.
I'm looking at Goodfellas.
I'm looking at Casino.
Right.
But I'm also looking at guys who knew Rickles.
Like Scorsese was friends with him.
De Niro loved him.
Pesci loved him and did Casino with him.
So that was the intimidating part is that you were doing Rickles in front of people who like really were his friends.
So that was a little nerve wracking.
And did they give you any feedback or tips?
Like, no, no, Don wouldn't say it this way.
Or were they pretty, pretty welcoming?
They were really great.
I mean, uh, I had a bunch of extra jokes that I just kind of like old Rickles ones that I brought just so the audience wouldn't get bored because it was scripted.
So I was all these other ones when Chris Corsage went, all right, just start doing lines.
And he just threw it to me.
So I was lucky I had these Rickles lines prepared.
So, um, You know, what was your question?
I don't remember what the question is, but that brings me to the next point, which is how much of this film, how much of it is improvised?
Because there's a lot of sort of conjecture surrounding that with Martin Scorsese.
And I do imagine, you know, he reuses a lot of the same actors.
I don't know who I was just talking about with this or about this.
What did I just say?
My phrase?
Did I just have a stroke?
Anyway.
I was discussing this with someone saying, you know, Quentin Tarantino doesn't really use the same actors a whole lot, except for, like, Kurt Russell.
Madsen.
Yeah, Madsen.
Madsen.
And a couple of those.
Scorsese kind of has his regular crew.
And I will say this, if you see, like, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, brilliant actors, but if you watch them in interviews, they seem sometimes, like a lot of actors, a little uncomfortable in their skin.
They're not necessarily the quickest to the punch.
In an interview, they're a little more introspective.
So I've always wondered how much of it is really sticking to the script versus giving you some room to play.
Play with it.
You know, it's funny.
I think that for them, this script...
I think they probably respect whoever wrote the script, but they respect it enough to stick with the script.
Right.
But I've done a couple of small things, like De Niro opened my special, where he introduces me, and I wrote that, and I actually directed him in that, where he goes, what do you want me to do?
And me and him sat down, his assistants cleared the room, and they're like, Jim and Bob will talk.
Like, yeah, I guess we will.
But watching him, he kind of meanders through it a little bit.
But you're not sure where he's gonna go.
And then when the camera's on, you're like, oh, that's right.
It's De Niro.
and you see when he clicks in and he's doing it for real, like where it's natural,
you're like, this guy is just a master at what he does.
And that to me is, so they stick to the script, but I think he works through it a little bit.
He'll go take after take until he kind of has what he wants.
I've watched him do that, but he's very comfortable making a mistake.
He's very comfortable screwing up a line.
So that's why he's so comfortable in doing what he's doing.
Like it was interesting to watch him mess up a line in a movie called The Comedian.
He was messing up a line.
Right.
But he didn't care.
He was just like, I'll redo it.
Like very casual and comfortable.
Yeah.
It was amazing to watch a guy that good at what he does.
Yeah.
The only thing is just don't ask him to go higher energy if he's at his peak.
Have you ever seen that that outtake where he's doing a commercial for like a PSA?
Oh no.
And he says something like, uh, so please give generously to whatever the organization is.
And you just hear off camera.
Yeah.
Okay.
Just a little high energy.
No, no, excuse me.
That was high energy.
I'm not selling cars.
I'm not selling cars.
Excuse me.
That was high energy.
And they're just like, yeah, they just go, okay.
They go, okay.
Like, okay.
And then if you see the actual commercial, that's the take they used.
Um, which was true.
He has a great instinct because he was spanking me.
In the opening of my special, he spanks me.
I didn't tell him until the day we shot.
And then when I'm over his lap, I laid on his lap and he bare-bottomed spanked me.
And then he goes, let's do one standing.
And that was the take we wound up using.
For some reason, visually, the energy of it, he just knows what he's doing.
And if he says that's the energy you're getting, that's the energy you're getting.
At that point, I think it's more so just a personal preference than a creative decision.
So I think he's thankful to you.
He's forever indebted.
A couple of things I wanted to ask you about, but I wanted to get something a little personal in my experience with your content recently and my friend who hadn't heard a lot of your material.
But first, this is...
Let me ask you, I guess, Ricky Gervais monologues.
I'm sure you've talked about this, the monologue and the backlash.
The thing that stood out to me the most was people trying to gaslight him.
If you read a lot of the articles saying, oh, Ricky Gervais does what he does.
And really, it was old hat.
And by this point, it was tired.
I'm going, that's not in sync with the reaction that we saw from the outrage.
What were your thoughts?
Do you think, A, was it funny?
And B, did you think it was needed?
It was amazing.
It's exactly what Ricky was supposed to do.
Like, anybody doubts that he's a real comedian.
Like, that's exactly... It was like Chris Rock at the Oscars.
Like, that's what a real comic does.
Like, he was, first of all, smart enough to talk to the people at home who are not celebrity leads.
Uh, Ricky didn't need to do that type of monologue.
He could have been playful and friendly, but his jokes were funny, and he called them out the way a comedian would call out an audience member.
Whoa!
He's like, I didn't do that.
You did.
You did.
Right.
Because Hollywood has this, and again, look, I love actors, and so it's fun to watch what they do.
but they get caught up in this babbling at the rest of us how to live, and they don't do it.
Right.
Like all this yapping about diversity and they can't get a female director,
and you know what I mean?
Like they talk a good game, and I think Ricky capitalized on that and mocked them for
it.
And stupid people like the LA Times, these fake woke idiots that didn't appreciate
the message he was giving.
He was brilliant.
He did exactly what he should have done.
And any of them that didn't like it, like it ruined their night!
How about you stop playing each other in movies, you jackasses?
If you're that sensitive to content, how about that?
How about you stop playing guys like Ted Bundy and Edmund Kemper in films and only play nice?
Oh, that's right.
For you, art is OK to do what you want.
But for Ricky, his art should be tempered to make you comfortable.
Well, I am glad to hear your opinion.
And you know what?
That is interesting.
I had this conversation with kind of a more conservative relative of mine who wouldn't watch this comedy.
Like, oh, that was just too raunchy.
I said, you watch Law & Order SVU.
It's a severed, raped body every night.
Like, that is exploitation.
And by the way, they know that it's exploitation.
They're not necessarily pushing a message.
Like, how many episodes do you need if you're trying to push a message like, hey, don't rape bodies and leave them in the river?
No, you guys, this is filth.
This is basically a smut novel at this point.
And it is funny with comedy how there is always this whole like, hey, look, that should not be joked.
But it's almost like as I hate to say as artists, but as somebody who performs for a living, you use what's in the world.
How come actors can use what's in the world?
Authors can use what's in the world.
They never get accused of punching down.
They never get accused of a pro.
But, you know, if you're a comedian and you don't tell a joke that somehow completely backs up somebody's ideology, you're a terrible comedian who's doing it wrong.
It's just silly.
And Ricky didn't pay any.
Ricky's great because he has a lot to lose.
I mean, he's at the top of the heap, and he still is on Twitter saying whatever he wants to say.
He still does a monologue exactly the way he should do a monologue.
I love him, man.
He's one of my favorite people.
That being said, I will acknowledge that I'm somewhat hypocritical and that I think your primary function, obviously, as a comedian, or as an actor, is to entertain.
And I do think at the end of that, He was off book, and some of those things weren't necessarily punchlines.
It was just, you know what, because you reacted this way, I'm going to dig the knife in a little bit and get off stage.
But I appreciated it because I felt like it was appropriate.
Because the only people who were having fun at that, it seemed like, was it Ray Romano and Adam Driver, were the only ones who were genuinely enjoying it.
Wouldn't you, if you're an actor and your name pops up, you know, if you know that your name is going to leave Ricky Gervais' lips, if you hate it, still just kind of, oh, that's good.
And then call your agent and have him never work again.
Dude, I would I this is why I love him so much because I'm such a I'm such a coward Kim like literally he looks at Who's the guy from Apple Tim Cook and he makes fun of the sweatshops and he calls them out While he's sitting in the room, I would be so like I love Apple could I have a MacBook like I'm such a I admired his ability to do it right to their faces.
He probably did turn the night, but that Weinstein joke was great.
And then instead of like, they did what some other dumb audience would do.
They were like, oh, I said, what are you groaning at?
It's a good joke.
You know what I mean?
Living life like you're blind and you don't see for the bird box, comparing it to working for Weinstein.
It was a good joke.
And it kind of said what he wanted to say.
And they reacted how he predicted they would react.
Yeah, well, especially the Epstein thing.
You think that they would react laughing and clap like, ha, ha, ha!
We hate Epstein, especially when he goes, you were friends with him.
They're like, oh, oh.
It's like, no, no.
Put some distance between yourself and Epstein.
This is a lifeline.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh yeah, the Prince Andrew one, when he said, hey mate, you know, she's a little young, but DiCaprio's girlfriend.
It was funny, man.
Yeah, I really enjoyed it, and we'll go to a web extension here, but I really liked Dave Chappelle's Mark Twain Prize acceptance speech, too, because that was, he wasn't preaching at all, but he did get up and sort of talk about the importance of comedy, and it really was apolitical in saying every single point of view is represented in comedy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, I feel almost like he was saying, hey, every single point of view should continue to be represented in comedy.
I felt like that was the point he was making a little bit, because we've seen people get canceled now, even in stand-up clubs it happens.
Well, Dave is so, I mean, he's such a smart guy.
I mean, he's a great comic because he's such a brilliant guy.
And the fact that he was able to say it as, like, it was a beautifully packaged, If I had to say something about comedy in today's culture, I would just want to kind of write down what Dave said and repeat it.
The way he said it was so beautiful and smart and it covered everything, but like you said, it wasn't preachy, it wasn't over the top, and it wasn't even confrontational.
It was just very factual.
And Dave is so at the top of everything we're all doing, they can't mess with him.
So what they'll do is they'll ignore the poignancy of what he said.
Like, they'll attack his jokes, but anybody who's against that point of view, what he said is so smart, you can't combat it.
Yeah.
What do you do?
He's not a white man saying it, so they can't blame it on that.
You know what I mean?
He's not a dumb guy saying it, so they can't blame it on lack of intelligence.
He's a brilliant guy, so instead of confronting it and realizing he's right, they'll just pretend they didn't hear it.
Right.
Okay, so we're going to go to a web extended here for people who are not Mug Club members.
Please do join up at Mug Club.
Before we go, Jim, where's the best place for people to find you?
I know they can follow you, jimnorton.com, but you're doing lots of shows.
Where should they support you?
The Degenerates on Netflix came out New Year's Eve.
I'm very happy with this set.
And also, I got dates coming up at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, April 4th.
There's a late show added, April 3rd, Foxwoods in Connecticut, or just Twitter.
I'm around.
Look at this.
He's doing theaters.
No more strip malls.
I'll get there one day.
All right, Jim Norton, we're going to WebExtended.
We'll wrap this up for people who are on the YouTube.
Open your mind.
Let us begin our quest to find it and no sound.
Music.
3, 2, 1.
3, 2, 1.
That was it. That was smooth.
That was it.
Don't eat too much.
No! F***!
You had it, then you ruined it by talking!
It was the perfect take!
The whole point was to avoid the media gatekeepers of legacy, okay?
So, uh, let's do it again.
I don't believe that I'm getting any better.
Cool.
Any better.
All right.
Phone without you there, I'm very lonely.
La la la la la la.
Wish you'd all stop.
We all have someone back home!
I've got my wife, and Wade's got his wife, and Brendan has a sister, and that's kinda weird, but listen, he's from Arkansas!
Brendan, I don't know what you do with your sister, maybe it's the on-again-off-again definition of it, but the point is, this guy has it worse than anyone else, because he's gonna be out here fighting and then go back just to be chased down with some German shepherds and a firehouse and a pizza parlor!
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Thanks for watching.
Be safe out there.
Bye.
That was a drowning dance where I was tentative, I was nervous, I was apprehensive, and insert
other synonym here of jumping into the water because of my 1% Sub-Saharan African.
Yeah, it does work against you.
And then I gained confidence, but I forgot that I was too far from the surface and I died.
Drowning.
So, thank you, Jim Norton.
Thank you very much.
Thank you to everyone, of course, here on the wonderful team who put on this week's great show.
We have a full week of shows next week for those who are on Mug Club, of course, clips on YouTube, and an extended exclusive interview with Jim Norton behind the paywall at Mug Club.
Very funny.
Every now and then we might want to get into some topics that may not be great for the tubans youse.
I don't even want to auto-recognize if I say the words, then the moderators go and watch it.
I picture that's what it's like at the offices.
Oh, he's sub-Saharan African, so he can use the word.
I picture that's what it's like at the offices.
Yeah, that's exactly what it's like.
He has a 23 in me, I guess.
OK.
All right, so this is my kind of first close of the week.
Here's one thing I wanted to talk about a little bit.
And you may not like it, OK?
But one thing I think, we look at the depression epidemic in the country, and people consider it an epidemic, right?
The mental health issues in this country.
It is a little bizarre when you think.
And I was wondering about this, I was talking with a relative over Christmas break, and that's what sort of forced me to ponder, if I may use the phrase.
Or you can kick my ass for using it, I know.
Only douches use the word ponder and lovely.
I've never heard someone use the term lovely unless they were trying to lie about something.
Well, unless this fruitcake is lovely.
I get it.
But it did force me to think about this a little bit.
You know, we have what we refer to as a depression, as a mental health, as a hopelessness epidemic in this country with young people.
And I'm not talking about people who have clinical depression or a chemical imbalance, and I don't want to get into that.
That's kind of a number of people that have, it's been relatively stable.
But people, when polled, young people who have a feeling of hopelessness and believe that their opportunities will be fewer than their parents.
This is the first generation to feel that way.
And it's bizarre that they feel that way when we live in the most marvelous time throughout all of humanity.
We have more tools and resources at our disposal, and people are depressed, or they're looking at the world as bleak.
And this comes from a simple concept, and I'm not saying anything new necessarily.
I'm sure Jordan Peterson has talked about this, and people like Jaco Willink who've been on the show.
I'm sure I've talked about this at some point.
All satisfaction, all accomplishment, all pleasure comes from pain.
And so I don't think we have a problem in this country of people who are in too much pain.
I think we have a problem right now, not in this country, but across the globe, of people who don't experience enough pain.
And that's why they don't experience the elation.
It's why they don't experience the bliss of overcoming pain.
Let me explain it to you a little bit.
Let me give you a little bit of context.
You're hungry.
Okay?
You're hungry.
And when you eat, I bring you a steak dinner.
I don't know.
I bring you a bunch of Singapore rice noodles.
Take your pick.
It's satisfying.
The pleasure comes from the fulfillment of a required need.
Right?
The pain of being hungry, the discomfort of being hungry, leads to the pleasure, the satisfaction of now being full.
Now, let me ask you this.
How many of you out there experience pleasure or satisfaction from eating food when you're already stuffed?
If I bring you another steak dinner, if I bring you another plate of rice noodles, maybe it starts getting a little less appetizing.
I bring you a third one, and then I force you to eat it.
Guess what?
That's no longer pleasant.
Let's use another example.
You go to the gym.
You sweat.
You're jogging in the rain where it's cold, right?
It's winter.
A lot of people out there, you've been sending in your fitness videos and kind of how you've been losing weight over the break.
Appreciate it.
Keep it up.
You get home, and what happens after the jog in the rain?
How good does that shower feel?
Everyone knows that a hot shower, it feels amazing.
It comes, that happiness stems from the fulfillment of a need being met.
Discomfort, pain, cold, it's 20 degrees, I'm wet, I need to get into a shower, I need to warm up and to clean myself, and ah, it's bliss.
Now, let's change that.
How many of you out there, and there's nothing wrong with this, I'm guilty of this sometimes on the weekend, how many of you have just had a comfortable pajama day where you lay around and do nothing?
Sometimes you may not even shower on those days.
I know, particularly women.
I don't know what it is, but men, in my experience, tend to be more meticulous about showering and women can get away with it because they don't smell the same way men do after one day.
Anyway, these are things that you learn when you're married.
Takes a couple years.
I did not realize this.
You don't have to shower every single day?
And you don't smell like a crotch swamp?
Good for you.
But how many of you have had days where you haven't gone out and done anything active?
You haven't really, you haven't soiled yourself, and I know that that'll be used here.
You take a shower that day.
Do you get the same feeling of bliss from the shower if you come in from the cold?
It's really just sort of, well, I guess I'll do this.
It's not the same because it's not a need that's being met.
There isn't the discomfort, the displacement, the pain of having a need not yet met.
So I want to tell you this.
If you find yourself maybe looking at a bleak life or what you see as a hopeless outcome, a lot of people think, okay, I've got to find a way to make myself comfortable.
Not always.
Don't be that person who is always full, warm, and comfortable.
You'll never be happy.
And that's hard for a lot of people, contrary to popular belief.
Again, nearly all of the problems that are considered an epidemic today are not, in the United States anyway, let's separate that from third world countries, they're not the result of lack.
They're the result of overabundance.
Nearly all of them.
Let's go through a few examples.
Economic, social, mental, even physical health, right?
For example, most of the economic problems in the West now.
If you tune into a democratic debate, they're not talking about poverty.
Maybe some.
But the most prominent theme that we hear is about the income gap.
It's about the chasm, because poverty in the Western world is lower than ever.
And by the way, it's lower than ever, with a standard of living for those in poverty higher than that of rich people from any other generation, of sultans.
In most cases, a higher standard than royalty of people from previous generations.
So we hear the epidemic is the wealth gap.
Poverty is lower than ever, but now we have an epidemic that there are some people who have so much more than other people.
The problem there is not a lack of resources.
The problem stems from an overabundance of resources and a lack of appreciation.
The poor have more than enough resources, and people won't like this here, but the poor in the United States, generally, have more than enough resources to live comfortably.
And then the wealthy have more than enough resources to build and accrue even more wealth, and so that gap increases.
The poor in the United States are generally not starving.
They generally aren't cold without heat.
They're generally not sick and cast aside for dead as they used to be, and I'm talking only a couple hundred years ago.
They often have two cars, three square meals plus snacks, often bought at restaurants, a climate-controlled house, access to technology that Simon Cowell couldn't imagine 18 years ago.
But they're unhappy.
And not only the poor, the middle class are unhappy.
Why?
Because someone else has far more than them.
Now, that gap is real.
But it's a byproduct of overabundance for everyone.
The obesity epidemic.
We hear about that all the time.
That was Michelle Obama's campaign.
Get out and move.
You first.
Now, people aren't obese because they're starving.
They're not obese because of a lack of access to food.
And by the way, food deserts are a myth, especially in 2019 with Amazon Fresh.
I remember there used to be those commercials.
Remember that?
Food deserts!
People in Harlem can't get an apple!
But my bullshit detector goes... Wait, they can't get an apple?
Now, people are not... Okay, let's go with what... People are obese.
Not because they don't have food.
Not only do they have more food than they need, but they are required, people in this country, to work less than anyone in history to procure it.
More access to food than ever.
They don't have to hunt for it.
They don't have to forage for it.
They don't have to skin it, cure it, cut it or cook it.
People in this country, not all, I know some of you are going to say it's glandular, I get it, but a lot of people are obese because when they're hungry, the food is there.
And they need accomplish nothing for it.
And they're obese because, when they're not hungry, the food is there.
And they need not work for it.
And so, why not?
You become numb to it.
Comfort becomes so second nature, it becomes taken for granted, that you don't even realize what it is you have.
The same goes, by the way, let's get back to this, the idea of depression.
Feelings of hopelessness.
I've talked about actually struggling with clinical depression my whole adult life, okay?
I get it.
But people now who feel hopelessness, you see a lot of young people today who feel that way.
It's an epidemic, we hear.
There are more young people depressed than any generations before them.
Why?
You have to ask why.
Do they have it worse than the young people drafted in World War II?
What about the kids of early settlers?
What about the peasants in the Roman Empire?
What about child slaves?
Many people feel hopeless for the same reason that many people are obese.
The needs are always met, and so happiness somehow eludes them.
Why?
Because constant comfort cannot, it is incapable of breeding true happiness.
For the same reason that the meal is never satisfying for someone who's always full, and that shower, it can never be that bliss, that nirvana-like state for the person who never sweat and bled and earned it, Let's go to healthcare.
This is another one all the time because this is just in doing research, watching the Democratic debates.
We have a healthcare epidemic in the United States.
It's a crisis.
Think about that for a second.
How?
How is there a healthcare crisis in 2019, 2020, I have to get used to writing down 2020, I'm still writing 2019.
How is there a health crisis in the nation that has cured more diseases than any to have come before it, bar none, not even close, has more technology, medical innovation than any other country in the history of the world, has the highest survival rate of life-threatening diseases?
How is it in the throes of healthcare crisis?
Oh, what it stems from is people having better health care than anyone on the planet 50 years ago, but not as good as the next guy.
I want you to understand, and this is something that's tough, because, and you see this a lot, if you were raised in wealth, you know, this idea of a silver spoon.
We hear this quite a bit, and I've seen that.
I've seen wealthy kids who never appreciated what they had, but I've also seen poor kids.
Let me give you a story.
I'm going to be going a little bit long, but forgive me.
My wife lived in a motel for a while while her dad was starting up a business.
Then later on in life, in her early kind of teens, they were doing pretty well.
Or sorry, I should say probably around six, seven years old.
When she was eight, her father took her to Tijuana so that she would appreciate what she had in the United States.
My wife is so thrifty.
We don't lack financial resources.
We're not millionaires.
We're not rich.
We're not part of the top zero point.
But I'm really, really grateful for what we have as someone who lived out of an 82 Datsun.
But my wife still makes sure to find the best deal.
She coupons, right?
I knew someone who was divorced household.
Not wealthy at all.
This was in New York City when I was there, and I had a Gateway computer.
This is a true story.
I had a Gateway computer, and the reason I got it was it was a year old, and it was a floor model at CompUSA.
You guys remember that?
CompUSA?
So I got it.
It was really inexpensive.
It was one of the early kind of, like, 14-inch smaller computers.
It was woefully underpowered.
Anyway, this girl liked that computer.
Girl from this family, not super wealthy.
Her dad, who was a friend of mine, bought her a custom Dell, because she was about to go to college.
And I remember him telling me beforehand, showing me the Dell, and he was so, and Dells are still around, right?
The guy went to prison.
Dude, you're getting a Dell?
Well, dude, you're getting sodomized.
So, I remember the dad telling me how excited he was, and showing it to me, and it had this like matte black finish, which now you see on cars, which is just god-awful, but I remember it really clearly, going, man, she's gonna love that.
And I was there.
When she opened it up.
Poor girl.
And she opened it up and the very first thing she said was, It's not cute like his.
And pointed to mine.
Here's the thing.
My Gateway was a piece of crap.
It didn't work well at all.
I'm pretty sure it wasn't just a floor model.
I'm pretty sure that the employees at CompUSA played kickball with it.
It never worked right, but she thought that it looked nicer and compact, and her Dell was a full-size laptop.
Oh, the nerve.
The very first thing she said was not, thank you, Dad.
Not, oh my gosh, I have, look at all of this technology I have in the palm of my hands now.
Thank you for thinking of me.
It's not as cute as his.
So you can have wealthy people whose parents take them to Tijuana to make them appreciate what they have, and you can have people who live in lower middle class or poor households who never, ever learn to appreciate it.
Why?
It stems from putting yourself in positions of discomfort.
If you live a life in which you are entirely warm, fed, clothed, and satisfied, you will never accomplish great things.
You'll never accomplish great things, and you will never appreciate what it is that you have.
So, this is my challenge to you this week.
And it's a little more than just doing gratitudes, right?
I don't want people like, oh, I'm going to do my boundary box with my in-laws and gratitudes.
No.
I want you to go through this more specifically.
Do a deep dive kind of right now in your heart and your soul.
Think about what it is that, especially if you're out there and you're feeling hopeless or depressed or lost.
I want you to think about what it is that maybe you take for granted that you enjoy on a day-to-day basis that wouldn't even have been available to your father, to your mother, certainly not your grandfather.
I want you to think about what it is on a day-to-day basis.
Do you have a cable television?
Do you have internet access?
Do you have a smartphone?
Let's go further.
Does your family have two cars?
Do you have heat, let alone air conditioning?
Are you starving on any given day?
Do you have lunch?
Do you have snacks in the cupboard?
Are you able to, even if you're not a good student, make up for those grades and go to a community college?
Hey, are you lucky enough to not be drafted into some of the deadliest wars of all time?
I want you to look at the, because by the way, this was commonplace, everything that I just named, not long ago in the realm of human history.
I want you to take inventory and then, take a second, I want you to find a way to make yourself as uncomfortable as humanly possible on a day-to-day basis.
That's why I've talked about this for particularly men.
Listen, I'm a Christian.
Find Christ.
Find a good wife.
Have a good family.
That's most important.
Number two on that list is weightlifting or some kind of a sport that's tough on your body.
Why?
Because you need to feel discomfort on a day-to-day basis so you can taste Victory.
So I want you to find ways to make sure that you don't go through the next week or the next month or 2020 taking it for granted because you're really nothing more than a fat cat on a pillow with someone feeding them grapes.
And by the way, hey, there's another one!
Can you buy grapes?
That wasn't doable if you were on the East Coast 100 years ago!
Your grandfather was lucky if he got an orange in his stocking.
And if his dad was a real dick, he got coal.
So I want you to take inventory and let me know, how are you going to make yourself uncomfortable so that you can actually find true happiness?
Sounds simple.
Trust me, it's a way to live.
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