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Dec. 6, 2019 - Louder with Crowder

01:17:33

#597 | TRUMP OWNS NATO | Ted Cruz Guests | Louder with Crowder

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	Hey, before we start the show, please do take this time to join up at lightearthcreditor.com slash MugClub.
	It's what allows this show to continue, and you get this hand-etched mug, and of course, you get daily content that you cannot find on YouTube.
	Want to let you know that we are going to have a large, or big, large, I don't know, live Christmas show on Wednesday the 18th.
	It will be live-streamed, but we will be live in front of an audience.
	200 people.
	Sign up for the mailing list if you want exclusive tickets available to that.
	But before we get to the show, here's a little bit of what you missed from Mug Club.
	Everyone, it is go time.
	A gender announcement resulted in an explosion and the woman was struck by a flying piece
	of debris.
	It turns out the celebration was actually for gender reassignment surgery, with the flying piece of debris being a rogue dismembered former penis.
	This is very rare.
	Like, I would rather have a beer with you than probably, like, 90% of my conservative friends, because I think we'd actually learn something from each other.
	Oh, absolutely.
	Why do people have cancer?
	He actually had two islands out in the Caribbean.
	One was like a temple for doing sex magic rituals, Grecian slash Egyptian.
	The other was a eugenics breeding facility, not just where Epstein wanted to impregnate women with his own master race genetics.
	He's getting a little loose with that definition, isn't he?
	Jeffrey Epstein looking in the mirror going, yeah, this is the master race.
	You know, it's not necessarily from a page of Hitler Youth.
	It's not necessarily something you want to you go.
	So that has to be bred into the human gene pool forevermore.
	Louder with Crowder Studios, protected exclusively by Walther.
	And Hopper.
	And Betty!
	♪ Kid in front of a bed and sheet
	Mate in front of Mohammed without thinking twice Never thought that I'd have to fight your ridicule
	But if you insist, then just heed my advice, oh you
	We'll be held responsible If he's preparing his case Illegally responsible Half-Asian boo right in your face For the life of me I cannot decipher What made you think that this was wise And we'll never compromise For the life of me, I cannot believe you try to ban us for these sins.
	Now meet my half-Asian And my friend, if you think that your legal team is better
	Just know there's at least one thing you can bet that When my half-Asian lawyer takes the courtroom floor
	Think about it Now I'll be the voice inside your head that says, who built the hell responsible?
	As he's preparing his case, Yeah, legally responsible.
	I'm phrasing bull right in your face.
	For the life of me, I cannot decipher what made you think that this was wise and we'll never compromise.
	For the life of me, I cannot believe you try to plan us for these sins.
	And I'll meet my end He don't care if you're straight, gay, trans, or cis
	He'll chew you up like you're teriyaki bison strips And when my half-Asian lawyer takes the courtroom floor
	He'll seem like he's nice, but you know that in the end he'll say it
	It will be your responsibility As he's preparing his case
	you Yeah, legally responsible.
	Half-Asian bull right in your face.
	For the life of me, I cannot decipher what made you think that this was wise and we'll never compromise.
	For the life of me, I cannot believe you tried to ban us for these sins.
	Now meet my half-Asian.
	For the life of me, I cannot decipher what made you think that this was wise and we'll never compromise.
	For the life of me, I cannot believe you try to ban us for these sins.
	Now I'm in my half-Asian Now I'm in my half-Asian
	Now I'm in my...
	...Asian...
	You're a strange animal, that's what I know You're a strange animal, I come to follow
	I'm a spirit, you're still a dream...
	Oh man, drumming and dancing at the same time is hard...
	How does Phil Collins do it?
	He's a talented man.
	Or animal.
	It's tiring, right?
	It is a lot of work.
	We have Ted Cruz, Senator Ted Cruz, on the show today.
	We are going to be talking about NATO and why it's a scam.
	But first, we have the Hodge twins who are here with us today.
	How are you?
	Hey, white people!
	And it's hodgetwinstour.com, correct?
	Yes.
	And your next show is in?
	Bakersfield, California.
	Because Madison Square Garden was not available.
	Yeah.
	And Quarter Black Garrett is here.
	Show them your hood.
	I'm sick, dawg.
	That's disgusting.
	And he actually means that he's sick.
	He has the bird flu.
	Oh.
	And SARS.
	He spent a lot of time at the Toronto airport.
	It's AIDS.
	Audio Wade.
	Gerald A. is here.
	What's the wine of the day?
	Quilt.
	Why am I accepting the name?
	Dead gummit.
	Quilt Cabernet Sauvignon.
	Take it how we give it to you.
	Okay, fine.
	And you will do nothing about it.
	And then you'll be hung by a bed sheet.
	Thank you.
	And by the way, we are doing a Change My Mind next week, next Monday, down in Austin.
	Details to be determined.
	And we're doing a big live Christmas show the last Wednesday before Christmas details to follow.
	So before we move on, question of the day.
	When you look at traditional late night hosts, who do you think is the most obnoxious when it comes to politics?
	And specifically, we're going to be talking about Trevor Noah and the comments regarding Donald Trump, NATO.
	That's the big story this week because we don't want to talk about impeachment again.
	I'm sure I'll talk about it with Senator Ted Cruz.
	What do you think about NATO?
	And how does it compare to the UN?
	Should we be in there?
	Should we not?
	Is it a joke?
	Is it valid?
	I have no- Well, I do have an idea, but I have no idea what you think.
	Let me know.
	But first!
	Shots.
	What the hell?
	That was a yang gangbang.
	Cultural differences.
	This diversity sh** ain't working out.
	We need some more white people than Democrats.
	Do you not consider Asians amongst us with white people?
	Jesus Christ, after that, no.
	We need some more Christianity, man.
	This dude's mad.
	I have no idea what he believes.
	Metaphorically busted nuts.
	I didn't even see it like that!
	My mistake.
	Before the show, I said to be themselves, but it is YouTube.
	That was a wrong choice.
	It was a bad choice.
	He was definitely pandering to gay people.
	Yes, he definitely was.
	Wait, which one's Keith?
	Which one's Kevin?
	I'm Keith, man.
	Keith, you were about to do a hand motion.
	No, stop!
	Don't put No, no miming.
	There's a special place in hell for mimes.
	There's rings of hell.
	You've heard of that?
	You have Nazis, then inside you have lawyers, and then right in the middle, mimes.
	I don't want a biracial mind.
	I don't care what your 23 and me said.
	Leading the news, Kamala Harris, so you guys know, she's ended her campaign for president after months of low poll numbers.
	She's informed her supporters that her campaign, they simply don't have the financial resources to continue.
	EBT doesn't cover campaigns.
	So, sorry.
	It's true.
	They're here, so I'm a little loose-lipped today.
	If you guys want to do some whippets afterward, you want some nitrous oxide, I'll let you know.
	They've never tried that.
	Yeah, well, you know what?
	We'll call in Andrew Yang.
	So we here at Louder with Crowder, of course, we're going to be talking about the UN, we're going to be talking about NATO, serious things, but not right now.
	We, of course, do wish, listen, Kamala Harris the best on her future endeavors, and we put together this tribute set to the song Closing Time.
	Well, actually, we couldn't afford the rights to Closing Time, so we had to make our own song.
	It's called Time to Close.
	Okay.
	Do you have an announcement you'd like to make?
	I am running for President of the United States.
	I'm obviously a top-tier candidate.
	Time to close.
	Endings and beginnings are ending and beginning.
	Time to close.
	It's time to go to places where you go to place yourself.
	On your mixtape, what would be, like, your favorite three songs?
	Oh, okay, let's see.
	Um... Oh, yeah, definitely Snoop.
	Uh-huh.
	Tupac, for sure.
	We just saw Aretha Franklin, um, the sun is shining, and the rain.
	I know that it's time for things to close. I know that it's time for things to close.
	I'm just getting started.
	I will be Donald Trump in 2020.
	I'm just getting started.
	Oh yeah.
	I will be Donald Trump in 2020.
	I will.
	I have also started to perhaps be more candid, talking about what I describe and what I believe to be the elephant in the room about my campaign.
	What is that?
	electability.
	I guess Barack Obama is going to be your people's high watermark.
	Yeah.
	She can go back to spreading the word!
	I cut away.
	I cut away.
	That was very Death Cab, by the way.
	If I'd have known we were doing a Death Cab cover, it seems like lack of color would have been appropriate.
	And when I see you, I really see you failing now.
	Okay, sticking with the 2020 races, like three people don't know Death Cab for Cutie.
	That was an emo kid who wore ladies pants.
	They were just skinny jeans.
	Before they were popular.
	And the wristbands.
	I didn't wear the wristbands, that was you.
	Oh!
	That was you, because you were rejected by your black brethren, and so you decided you were going to go full white, and that didn't work out for you either, Quarter Black Garrett.
	That was definitely a 75% white.
	He has no home.
	He doesn't.
	You know how an apostle is not appreciated in his hometown?
	It's true.
	Quarter Black Garrett is not appreciated in any urban area.
	Oh my gosh.
	He shows up to LIDS and they just pull out a shotgun and say, nope!
	Not again, sir!
	Turn around.
	And it's not even a Korean!
	So, sticking with the 2020 race, Baby Yoda is beating all the Democratic candidates on social media.
	Have you seen this, Keith and Kevin?
	The popular Mandalorian character, I guess is a Star Wars reference, averages 1,671 social interactions per story, almost double that of the closest Democrat, which is not surprising.
	Yoda is the perfect combination of all the Democratic frontrunners.
	He's old, he jumbles his words, and he regularly has another man hand up his ass.
	So that's, yes.
	Butt stuff, you must.
	Butt stuff, you must.
	You must, you must.
	You must improve your butt stuff.
	That's called bleep, right?
	That's bleep.
	So many bleeps.
	All right, that brings us to this week's Hollywood Minute.
	By the way, Hodgwin's very strapping, strapping young man, cannot hold their liquor at all.
	No, no.
	You guys had a fat tire the first time you came in.
	We were like, this must be one of those white people beer.
	I'm like, no, it's just average beer.
	You're like, I'm hammered!
	That was one of the best shows.
	That was funny.
	It was pretty funny.
	They don't really sound like that.
	That was just, you know, a stereotype.
	Just racism.
	I don't know.
	Just pure unadulterated.
	I feel uncomfortable.
	Why did you start talking like Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy?
	I'm feeling uncomfortable, Mr. Crowder.
	How do you spell my name?
	That'd be a C, Mr. Crowder.
	Country music star Shania Twain.
	Sorry, this one's not for you.
	She revealed that she's written songs for her younger artist friends, such as Post Malone, Janelle Monae, and Lizzo.
	Lizzo.
	Though critics have long suspected that Twain was behind Lizzo's 2018 hit, Man, I Feel Like a Beanbag Chair.
	So that is... Ooh.
	Uncanny.
	Wow.
	That is...
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	Uhhhh...
	That was low.
	Well, famed...
	Hahaha!
	Hahaha!
	Famed music artist, Willie Nelson.
	Let's go on, I guess this is going really well.
	Willie Nelson, he's going to quit.
	He's going to quit smoking marijuana.
	What?
	How dare you?
	This comes from page six, which I don't know how that becomes a title of a publication.
	At some point there was a brainstorm, and someone was like, I need a title for this paper by Wednesday.
	And he was just sitting there with doughnut crushes.
	Page six!
	Done.
	How about page five?
	No, it's six!
	Trust me, this is gonna be good for us.
	Page six, the quote is, I have abused my lungs quite a bit in the past, so breathing is a little more difficult these days, as I have to be careful.
	In other news, due to repeated rope burn, for the entire month of December, Hillary Clinton has sworn off murder.
	Oh, nice.
	That's nice.
	There'll be no murder the whole month of December for Hillary Clinton.
	Baby steps.
	One month at a time.
	Baby steps out the 8x8.
	And Star Wars star, you guys, Billy Dee Williams, you know who I'm talking about.
	He now describes himself, as you were talking about this yesterday, describes himself as gender fluid.
	What?
	You know this story.
	You guys know this story.
	They're just nodding their heads.
	Always thought he was gay.
	Well, no, he's not.
	You're not up to speed on the vernacular.
	He's gender fluid.
	The Star Wars actor says, this is a quote, that he's both feminine as well as masculine, adding, I'm a very soft person.
	Gay!
	He's still a man, right?
	Well, yes.
	For now.
	I think.
	I'm not sure.
	But he's also been announced as the spokesperson for the re-release malt liquor, Severed **** 45.
	Works every time.
	It's really not all that surprising, though, kind of what you're saying, given the controversial addition that Star Wars fans weren't too thrilled about from Billy Dee to Empire Strikes Back.
	Yeah, that nice piece of Jedi ass.
	Oh, that was awkward.
	That ended way more quickly than I thought it would.
	I thought there was more to that.
	Oh my gosh.
	You guys really give it your all in the vocal booths.
	They made the point.
	Can we get another take?
	Nope!
	That's done.
	One and done, that's it.
	Yeah.
	And what were you saying, it turns out, what is it?
	Yeah, he's not genderfluid, he just likes frilly clothes.
	Oh, is that what he said?
	Yeah.
	Oh, so he corrected it.
	So, frilly clothes and what have you.
	What's frilly?
	Moving on.
	Yeah.
	Did you just ask what's frilly?
	Yeah, what is that?
	I'm pretty sure you know what it is.
	Frilly?
	Take a guess.
	Uh, think Rick James.
	Oh wait, what's that?
	That feeling.
	Oh wait, what's that?
	What?
	Yep, you know what this is about.
	Take that Keurig!
	What was it that people were smashing their Keurigs for?
	Sean Hannity?
	What was it?
	I'm not sure what was it.
	Sean Hannity?
	Oh that's right, they pulled their sponsorship from Sean Hannity.
	So...
	We'll be talking about NATO in a little bit.
	Yeah, that really smashed that Keurig.
	Yeah, it fell apart.
	Which, by the way, I...
	Smooth Manny's going to be furious about it.
	Black Rifle Coffee is unbelievable coffee.
	And I will say, their K-Cups are better than most K-Cups.
	They really are better.
	But there's no reason... Oh, sorry.
	Coffee rounds.
	I apologize.
	Sorry, Black Rifle!
	I'm sorry that I didn't go with the ammo themes.
	I was using the vernacular that we've been using for the last... always.
	Just here to help.
	Since it's been invented.
	Anyway.
	But I've been wanting to get rid of that for a long time.
	They just dropped us.
	Add them to the list along with Audible and SimpliSafe.
	And probably any other sponsor.
	Not named, Walther and FLP.
	Thank you, Black Rifle.
	Delicious.
	Finally, controversy.
	We'll be talking about the UN and NATO.
	We'll get to some stuff that actually matters.
	Controversy erupted after it was... This came to light.
	I thought this was a fake story.
	We need to double check this.
	I'm serious.
	I still think it's fake.
	No, it's not.
	Oh my god.
	It's not because it comes from New York Times.
	Amazon... This is not the kind of thing they do fake news about.
	Impeachment, being Russians, fake news.
	This, legit.
	On Amazon, someone was selling Auschwitz Christmas tree ornaments.
	Well... That's awkward.
	The items featured images of the Nazi concentration camp on tree ornaments, bottle openers, and more.
	And of course, that one company has since removed the items.
	But many people have actually overlooked some of the other, and we did some digging, some other tasteless Christmas-themed items available on Amazon, which brings us to this week's 7 Plus 1.
	You forgot Stefan in the chamber!
	People always forget the one that's true.
	Very fitting with this story.
	Thank the Lord for the Walther instruction manual.
	Yes!
	Because I never forget it.
	And isn't that a beautiful firearm?
	If I were a little boy firearm... Hodgetwins, what would you do if you were a boy firearm and this was a lady firearm?
	I would go bang bang.
	All of a sudden they decide to go like this is Air Bud.
	We went from Kamala Harris is spreading that **** to bang bang!
	We need you somewhere in the middle.
	Pudge-sickles!
	Pudge-sickles!
	Who are you, Billie Jean Williams now?
	No, I'm, cause I'm H.O.R.D.
	I ain't soft, I'm H.O.R.D.
	Wow.
	You gotta put that O in there.
	I'm H.O.R.D.
	I'm H.O.R.D.
	No, I'm, no, I'm... You're the D. Silent.
	It is when you do it.
	So, 7 plus 1 tasteless Christmas products available on Amazon.
	By the way, you're all going to have to read some because I'm not doing this alone.
	Oh no.
	The number 7 most tasteless item available that we found on Amazon right now.
	Number 7, slave on the shelf.
	Seems like, yeah.
	Oh yeah, that's nice.
	Wow, that's low.
	But he does, he sees you when you're sleeping and he also sees you when you're eating and he's incredibly jealous.
	Number six.
	Number six.
	This one was more so concerning than tasteless.
	The Saudi Arabian Instapot.
	So that's right there, which almost seems like that should be more so in the utilities aisle.
	You know, we're going to have the Hodge twins read us number five.
	Number five.
	Five blooded diamond rings.
	Five blooded diamond rings.
	Very nice try though.
	Five blooded diamond rings.
	But you know, he's getting work.
	Five blooded diamond rings.
	Can you guys, what's his name?
	Jiguman Okunju.
	Do you know how to pronounce his name?
	The guy from Amistad?
	No, I don't speak African.
	Well, who do we call then?
	It is a continent with multiple tongues, but okay.
	I'm guessing you guys didn't take your boat ticket back.
	Hell no, I'm standing here in America.
	Number four, actually, number four is, well it wouldn't seem, tasteless items on Amazon, wouldn't seem, eggnog made from Flint tap water.
	So that seems, by the way, also a remarkable weight loss product.
	Sold in the supplements.
	That's true!
	You're right.
	But it is not from a GMP-certified facility.
	Tapeworm is fantastic for that.
	Number three.
	Number three.
	Court of Black Carrot, you read this one.
	Number three most tasteless item available on the Amazon Instacart.
	Child Soldier Inflatable Lawn Ornament.
	There you go, and look!
	Oh, wow.
	Look!
	Coney's having a good time!
	Uh-uh.
	Coney's liking it.
	That's... no.
	Sorry, them's the brakes.
	You have no choice.
	That's it.
	We had to do, by the way, all of these together.
	Yeah.
	Otherwise, you know, someone would be offended because that would be horrible, but it gets worse.
	Number two, Jumanji.
	Yeah, which, it's actually the popular board game where the loser gets transported to a magical camp for kids who need help concentrating.
	My ass.
	Need help concentrating.
	And that goes wildly underdiagnosed.
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	And how about audio way?
	Do you want to read number one?
	I don't.
	I don't want to read number one.
	Point of black there.
	Read us number one.
	No, I don't want to do that.
	All right, G. Morgan Jr.
	Read us number one.
	The number one most tasteless item available at Amazon for Christmas.
	The 9-11 advent calendar.
	Wow.
	Whoa.
	That only works because it was right next to Jumanji, so everyone can be equally offended.
	And of course, the plus one of seven plus one tasteless items available on Amazon for Christmas, the post-op nutcracker.
	It says pre-op, and you guys... He's got the dangle, so... That's okay, because most of them, like 90% of them, they go, they get the top surgery and the hormone blockers, but they don't do the bottom surgery.
	Right.
	So he's still post-op.
	Oh, so you can do an operation without the bottom.
	Like Chaz Bono.
	What is it, Chaz Bono?
	One of them.
	Chaz Bono, like Joey Fatone.
	Chaz Bono, the, the, the, like Joey Fatone. Yes. Yes. Has the bottom.
	Hasn't done it.
	But we're going to get to the UN and NATO.
	This has been this week's... You forgot to turn in the chamber!
	You know, I almost want to upload that segment by itself because the lack of context.
	That makes it funner.
	Terrible list.
	The Hodgetwins seem like they got very tired.
	Don't get a feather.
	All that lactic acid building up from my game.
	I think it was how horrible those gifts were.
	Hey, quick, okay, serious question.
	Who do you think is stronger?
	You're definitely better looking.
	I think I might be stronger.
	I don't know.
	I'm certainly not as explosive.
	Give him that spill you always give him.
	If it's a hundred meter dash, I have no chance.
	Oh, you got a chance.
	I'm slow as ice water.
	Wait, I'm sorry.
	Ice water is slow.
	I'm the only black guy you've ever met that can't run fast.
	Really?
	Didn't you run track?
	No, I did the high jump.
	How can you do the high jump?
	That's explosive.
	Well, you gotta run a little.
	You have to run a little bit.
	A little bit.
	He's up to spring.
	Yeah.
	We were good jumpers, but we were not fast.
	I know.
	That's a rough game.
	I think because I'm half white and half black.
	That's the white side of the game.
	So, you're slow, but angry.
	Yeah.
	They're slow, but they're really mad about it.
	You have the kind of physique that they just sleep and they put on muscle.
	I know, I'm a little jealous. My roommate in college was like that.
	Is it the mesomorph? What's the body type that puts on muscle?
	Uh, mesomorph.
	Uh, negroes.
	BBC.
	The guy from Blood Diamond.
	He didn't even do any push-ups, the guy from Blood Diamond.
	Alright, so before we get to NATO, and Trevor, no, you know what I'm talking about, let's do Trivia Contest winner, Quarterback Garrett.
	Trivia Contrast winner is Jason Jones for correctly telling us the name of AOC.
	Correctly telling us?
	I thought we'd have to have the Hodgetwins fix it for you there.
	Okay, so let's talk about NATO in the UN.
	We'll be talking about impeachment with Senator Chad Cruz.
	Maybe he has some news.
	With the impeachment, the general rule is no news is no news.
	No news is their case right now.
	And news is still no news, generally speaking.
	There's just no news.
	That's really all it is.
	Trevor Noah did a segment on NATO and on Donald Trump.
	Trevor Noah did a segment on NATO and on Donald Trump, of course.
	A surface look at NATO.
	So there's been a lot of talk, okay, obviously about NATO, the summit in London this last
	week, especially with President Trump taking a hard line against France, if you guys have
	been following.
	And he left the summit early.
	Power move.
	Trevor Noah ran a segment, of course targeting Trump.
	Let me just say, listen, while I have been critical of President Donald Trump, I am 100% with him on this.
	First off, the UN is a joke.
	We shouldn't be in it.
	It's terrible.
	Even in theory, it's ridiculous.
	NATO, on the other hand, is a great idea.
	After World War II, countries came together to try and make sure something like that never happened again.
	They needed a counter-threat to the Soviet Union.
	And unlike the silly, completely invalid UN, NATO has only developed into a joke because of the execution.
	It's the execution of NATO.
	NATO in theory is great, but what they're doing is... And then it's like the French, too.
	We have a problem with the... Yeah, of course!
	Of course we have a problem with the French in NATO.
	Is anyone surprised that France is a problem of international defense?
	They're the only soldiers who go into battle with a standard-issue individual white flag.
	Like, you guys...
	You guys have a Pantene, they have a white... You know the gun in the cartoons that goes pew!
	And a little white flag?
	That's the French!
	Who thought that was Wile E. Coyote?
	It was Jean-Pierre!
	I think it's fair game.
	It's fair game to go after these guys, and one of the parts of the video we don't get to, but if you ever have to explain that you're joking, Trevor's video, this is horrible.
	If you ever have to explain that you're joking, and I know this from personal experience, it sucks!
	The joke sucks!
	You're not being funny!
	Alright, so let's go to the first clip, which is kind of, they're comparing, I think this is, they're comparing Trump vs. Macron, his comments on NATO.
	Let's just go to the clip.
	Asked about recent comments by French President Macron that NATO is becoming brain-dead, he hit back hard.
	Very, very nasty statement.
	You just can't go around making statements like that about NATO.
	It's very disrespectful.
	In the past, President Trump has had his own harsh words towards NATO.
	NATO is obsolete, it's old, it's fat, it's sloppy.
	NATO is old, fat, and sloppy?
	I love it, by the way.
	Donald Trump's comments get bigger laughs the channel's follow-up joke.
	For sure.
	You know what?
	Because NATO is fat and sloppy!
	It's a bloated bureaucracy, riddled with red tape, and it's entirely ineffective.
	See, I'm still thinking about Wile E. Coyote and red tape hunting wabbit.
	I'm hunting wabbit Frenchmen.
	It is terrible!
	It is fat and sloppy.
	That's the perfect descriptor for NATO.
	And so, of course, you have Trevor Noah.
	He tries to paint Donald Trump as a hypocrite.
	He doesn't tell you, though, that Trump and Macron have completely different reasons, okay, for being critical.
	That's important.
	So let me point this out.
	Have you guys been following us a ton?
	No?
	No, not really.
	No?
	You just follow more so the transgender stuff and things.
	That's okay.
	This will help.
	Any questions, you guys let me know.
	Macron's point of view here is he's upset because the United States isn't policing Syria as much as they'd want us to.
	What happened to, we need to get out of other countries?
	This always surprises me.
	Every single time.
	You're an evil empire.
	Okay, but we want you to come in and we want you to...
	Evil Empire us a little bit.
	Can you help us out with this one?
	What are we?
	Are we an evil empire, or are we policing the world?
	It's one or the other, because being an evil empire is profitable.
	You just take their stuff.
	Policing the world is spending resources to help other countries, even if they can't benefit you.
	Everyone wants a little bit more American policing.
	The people who shouldn't be wanting it are Americans.
	But I understand why, in crap holes like Syria or France, they want our help.
	I get it, I can't blame them for it, but it's not how we should dictate our policy.
	So, since President Trump has moved to withdraw troops, remember, where's Code Pink?
	Where's Code Pink?
	Donald Trump was the first president to actually start withdrawing troops.
	He didn't just announce it and say, set your date in the calendar, ISIS!
	He just did it.
	Like Barack Obama want to do, but he's been withdrawing troops.
	France, they said that we're compromising their position in the region.
	So Macron, it's Macron.
	Why am I saying Macron?
	It's like I need to learn the wrong way to say English.
	That's true.
	French words.
	We appreciate you doing it our way.
	Lingerie is not a word in French.
	It is in English.
	No, it's not a word in French.
	I didn't know that.
	We just say it because it sounds sexy.
	That'd be like a French person saying, like, uh, moi, je vais porter tighty whiteys.
	If it works, je vais rubber mes nipples.
	It's some nipple action.
	Avez-vous des panties crotchless?
	No, I do not.
	How about fruit roll-up bra straps?
	The point is, no one likes the French.
	So Macron is particularly upset that Trump doesn't share the European Union's vision, right?
	And he said that they're facing the brain death of NATO because of differences in vision.
	Okay.
	France is demanding that the United States adopt the European Union's vision of NATO, and that if they don't, they say it's hypocritical.
	Anyway, you know what, hit the notification bell if you are subscribed, because subscriptions don't mean a whole lot.
	Join MugClubLeaderWithCredit.com slash MugClub because we're completely demonetized.
	I'll talk about that more with Ted Cruz.
	The point is this, we don't need to be on board with your vision for the EU when half of the EU isn't on board for your vision for the EU.
	Let's go, this is another thing we're upset about, Donald Trump's ISIS comments.
	When he actually sat down with President Macron, he did offer to give France something in return.
	We have...
	A tremendous amount of captured fighters, ISIS fighters, over in Syria.
	And they're all under lock and key.
	But many are from France, many are from Germany, many are from UK.
	They're mostly from Europe.
	I have not spoken to the President about that.
	Would you like some nice ISIS fighters?
	That whole meeting got, as the French say, very f***ing uncomfortable.
	I look at her and she's like, no, we do not want more ISIS fighters.
	That was one of the greatest non-answers I've ever heard.
	Oh!
	Okay.
	Boom.
	That's a wrap.
	Woo!
	That whole meeting got, as the French say, very f***ing uncomfortable.
	S'il vous plait.
	I mean, just look at Macron.
	You can see from his body language, he's trying to hold himself back.
	But deep down, he's thinking, I swear to God, this buffoon is gonna make me cut their bitch, I swear to God.
	I swear to God, oh my God, I'm gonna kill him.
	That's what you saw?
	Because I saw a little Frenchman pissing his slacks.
	That's exactly what I saw.
	Who the hell cares what the French want?
	I saw a little Frenchman who said, get my yellow slacks, get my dockers.
	I'll take anything, Lois, Levi's, I don't care, it needs to be yellow.
	I love how he called him out, and he just froze.
	He's like, mother f***er!
	It's just amazing to me.
	Trevor Noah can watch that.
	See, Donald Trump, do you need any more ISIS fighters?
	No, we don't.
	That was the biggest political answer I've ever seen.
	The biggest non-answer.
	And Trevor Noah's like, oh boy!
	Macron got all of that one!
	What are you watching?
	That's like watching Muhammad Ali, Chuck Wepner, be like, yeah, Wepner's got him right where he wants him.
	Any second now, they own bleeders.
	I figure his time's come.
	The truth is, Donald Trump has a point.
	Okay, yes, he may have exaggerated when he said that most ISIS fighters come from Europe.
	But, Macron was certainly wrong when he said that European fighters account for a tiny percentage The truth, okay, is somewhere in the middle.
	You know, like the surrounding Frenchmen.
	They're usually in the middle, surrounded by a firing squad.
	Or running away.
	Yes, running away.
	But they can't, that's why you form the circle.
	You form the circle and you go, fight, fight, fight, fight!
	And they go, I don't know what this means, this fight.
	What is this fight?
	What?
	We are p****s. Yeah, you must sound Mexican.
	That's why we need the wall.
	So out of 10,000, to keep me out, to keep my impressions out, out of 10,000, here's the number, out of 10,000 ISIS prisoners, 10,000 ISIS prisoners in Syria, 2,000 are foreign fighters.
	Almost 1,000 of those are known, at least known right now, to be from Europe.
	Holy crap.
	Think about this for a second.
	Do you guys remember Jihadi John?
	Yeah.
	Remember how big of a deal that was?
	Jihadi John.
	They were going to hang him for treason.
	That was one guy.
	That was one guy.
	We found out that one guy from the United States went to go fight for the enemy.
	It was national news.
	It was bigger than Trump's impeachment.
	This is just another day.
	It's just another Tuesday for France.
	Imagine a thousand Jihadi Johns.
	Yeah.
	Think about that!
	And by the way, who leads all of Europe in ISIS recruits?
	Take a guess?
	Take a guess?
	I wish we had some accordion music, or what's the French music?
	I don't know what it is.
	It's France!
	Okay, here, hold on a second.
	I'll give you a hint.
	Oh.
	Frank, you did it.
	Just blur it.
	Just blur it.
	You did it.
	They've had 1,900 French nationals join ISIS.
	That's more than twice that of any other European nation.
	It's like an ISIS factory.
	Wow.
	And Trevor Noah Cesar's like, look, Macron's really confident.
	You have 1,900 terrorist assholes from your country.
	You have no leg to stand on because your stool's probably been blown up.
	I'm surprised that many Frenchmen want to fight.
	It's crazy!
	I don't think that anyone with a French passport should make it through TSA!
	Put them on the ban!
	You know what else?
	Ignore Muslim ban, just a French ban, how about that?
	I don't even think that we should have sur la table, okay?
	It's just William Sonoma with an even more snooty attitude.
	No, no, I don't need your new Hario hand grinder, you d***head!
	Trying to make a buck.
	By the way, on top of this, France are refusing to put their own ISIS fighters on trial.
	They demand that other countries take care of the terrorists, and then they publicly oppose it when those same countries sentence them to death for terrorism.
	It's like, can you handle our problem?
	Okay, we're gonna put them in the chamber.
	Well, we're not animals.
	I think that was his beef with him when he was like, hey, do you want some tariffs?
	Because you'll take care of them, right?
	You don't like them.
	They send them to other countries and then condemn other countries for putting them to death.
	It is remarkable to me.
	This is why, again, they should not be dictating American policy.
	When we talk about America first, this is a perfect example.
	Sorry France, you've let your guys join the enemy?
	You're not doing anything about it?
	You don't get to send them to us or to any other neighboring countries and then tell them how they should deal with the problem.
	We don't cater to France.
	Why?
	Because we're better than you.
	Now hold on, let me clarify.
	What do you mean better than?
	I mean...
	Take your pick.
	Any facet.
	We're better than you.
	All of them.
	Whatever it is.
	Economy.
	Energy.
	Ingenuity.
	Healthcare.
	Olympic medals.
	I don't care.
	Take it all.
	Actors.
	Aside from the Dicamond Dukunju.
	I think he's French.
	I don't know.
	I do like him.
	Never back down to...
	Oh my gosh, I love it.
	And also, consider that back at home, France, they lead Europe in jihadi terrorism, both terrorist attacks and arrests, okay?
	These are categories that you don't want to lead in, and they're leading in every single one of them.
	But look, he was brash, fine, I get that.
	If you don't like that, I get it.
	But he was right.
	He was being tough on somebody who basically said, you can't leave this war region because we don't know what the hell to do there.
	We can't take care of this.
	You have to stay.
	Please help.
	I don't even think Donald Trump was being brash.
	I really don't.
	No, but that's what they're going to say.
	I'm just like, I don't even care if he was.
	No, I couldn't care less.
	Yeah, he was right.
	I would have had no problem if he just, like, punched him right in the face.
	I really wouldn't.
	Look, I'm going to do this.
	Listen, listen.
	OK, I've never done this because of my bone spurs.
	How does this happen?
	This must be some greeting in America.
	We just, you know, have sex with men.
	And here's the point about Trump's critique, right?
	He's been saying for years that NATO members, and this is something we've talked about, and this is what I want, and I'll get into the history of NATO a little bit for people who don't understand why I think that NATO is important if it were implemented properly, as opposed to the UN.
	Trump has been saying for years that countries, members of NATO, need to pay their fair share.
	This also has caused an uproar.
	These grave security concerns are the same reason that I have been very, very direct with Secretary Stoltenberg.
	By the way, he's right.
	As of 2019, the United States, we are footing the bill for the entire free world's defense.
	You guys were in the Marines.
	their fair share and meet their financial obligations.
	By the way, he's right.
	As of 2019, the United States, we are footing the bill for the entire free world's defense.
	You guys were in the Marines.
	How do you feel about that?
	It's a waste of money.
	It does seem like a waste of money.
	I mean, I thank you for your service, but it seems to me like you'd be better served protecting Americans than ass**** like that.
	That's just too much common sense there.
	That just seems like too much common sense.
	I prefer to be at the border.
	I think I just heard one of those melanin-riddled Nazis.
	They're everywhere.
	I know.
	And to give you an idea, the actual numbers, we'll do it 60 minutes and young Turks don't do.
	By the way, happy Congress run, Shank.
	As a percentage of GDP, we lead all other countries, okay?
	And almost none of the countries even manage to meet NATO's 2% threshold.
	I think only the UK does.
	France is at 1.8%, while we're over 3.4%.
	And in total, the United States spends more on NATO than all other nations combined.
	Oh my gosh.
	Wow.
	We have Mexico and Canada.
	We can leave the rest of the crap to you guys if you want to take care of it.
	I'm a little confused as to what fair share means.
	Yes.
	I want you guys to help define it for me.
	No, wait!
	You did!
	Two percent!
	And you f***ed that up!
	Yeah, let it out.
	I love this.
	Just let it out, Steven.
	God, I love this guy.
	I'm sorry, but I get so upset about it.
	When you think about it, it's like, OK, after World War II, how about we all pitch in 2%?
	Which, by the way, is like saying, hey, United States, you really saved our ass back there in World War II.
	So we're all going to say 2% because we know that you're really going to be contributing more than anyone, but we'll at least all contribute 2%.
	Then we start contributing 3%, 4%, 5%.
	We're like, can you do the 2%?
	Fuck you!
	What are we?
	It's remarkable to me how entitled the rest of the world is, particularly Europe.
	Anyway, let's go back to Macron.
	He's mad that we don't advance the EU's agenda.
	He wants Europe to call the shots when it comes to NATO, all the while France is the number one source of European ISIS fighters, and he refuses to take responsibility for them.
	You know what?
	Let's go.
	I think that I don't want to beat a dead French horse, but...
	Let's go to the whole... I think with something... It's the next clip.
	It's about trade.
	Something with trade.
	New tariffs are retaliation against new French taxes targeting U.S.
	tech companies like Apple and Google.
	I'm not necessarily in love with those companies, but... I love that part.
	There are companies.
	There are American companies.
	I want to tax those companies.
	They're not going to be taxed by France.
	I'm not going to let people take advantage of American companies, because if anyone's
	going to take advantage of the American companies, it's going to be us.
	Not going to be France.
	Donald Trump is rock and roll, man.
	How dare you take advances of American companies?
	That's what I was gonna do!
	This man is one of a kind.
	He's like the world's worst superhero.
	No, that'd be you.
	You know who's not rock and roll?
	Trevor Noah.
	If you would be absolutely pummeled by Drake in a jello fight, I don't think you should be speaking for minorities in a late night program.
	I think we're being a little hard on Noah.
	I think the Hodgkins are big fans.
	I apologize.
	I saw this lady, she was very rude to me.
	She pulled out a Trevor Noah book.
	No.
	I said, you actually bought that?
	Oh, that was on the plane, right?
	Yeah, I was geared to go and fight.
	She was real rude.
	She was reading a Trevor Noah book.
	I said, oh my God, you actually pay for that?
	What did she say?
	She looked at me.
	She was like, oh my God.
	Well, Trevor Noah's a dumbass.
	You had to spend the whole flight with this lady.
	I had to spend a flight with a Japanese person who ate hard-boiled eggs and was vomiting into the throw-up bag.
	That sounds fun.
	You know that story.
	I've told that story.
	Throwing up the hard-boiled eggs and put it in the spring-loaded pocket and pop!
	Take a red eye and sit beside a human.
	And he was so sick to me.
	He was like, and like reaching out for help, you know.
	And you're moving away.
	Pearl Harbor.
	I have a little memory.
	Like an elephant.
	What are you paying into NATO?
	By the way, whatever happened to taxing big companies?
	Shouldn't they be pleased, tickled pink, Democrats to hear this?
	But really, if President Trump, all he's saying is that if American companies are going to be taxed, the revenue should go to the United States and not France.
	Could there be more bipartisan stance to take?
	No.
	Yeah.
	Makes perfect sense to me.
	Would AOC be saying, hey, we shouldn't have Amazon set up shop here in New York because we want them set up in Marseilles.
	Yeah.
	And they need to have an ISIS division.
	Yes.
	ISIS training is important.
	Regardless of what you think about the tariffs and the trade wars, and I'm not always on board with Trump with the tariffs, but why would you be rooting for a country that's trying to damage our economy?
	Yeah.
	It's not a partisan issue.
	Senator Grassley, Wyden, top Republicans and Democrats on the Senate, they all just released a joint statement saying that the French digital services tax is unreasonable, protectionist and discriminatory.
	And when people make comments like this, I mean, it's like most of the news right now.
	It's very disingenuous.
	You know that's what he meant.
	And yet you do this entire setup to try to make fun of him like, oh, I'm going to take advantage of our company.
	This is like opposite day.
	We should just start saying the opposite.
	Trump should support every plan that they love and they'll run from every one of them.
	It'll be great.
	You made such a good point until you said opposite day.
	Well, I like opposite day.
	I was like, you know what?
	I want to do the opposite day.
	We should do that.
	Because I'm saying... Can we bleep this?
	And what he really means is, can we not bleep it?
	Can we cut it as a clip and put it on Twitter?
	I'm glad I got credit for the 50%, okay?
	I'll take it.
	I apologize.
	He's got Billy Dee Williams on speed dial.
	That's a cock.
	So, bleep.
	Never heard that before.
	This is what happens when the Hodgetwins get in.
	You bring the worst out of me.
	I bring the best out of you.
	What's the best?
	Puts a little fire in your belly.
	You know what's so funny?
	I'll talk about it after.
	We have to get to Senator Ted Cruz.
	I'm sure he'll be thrilled with this lead-in.
	All of the European victims of brutal terrorist massacres Yeah, I'll say this, and you can put me on the hook for this, okay?
	Leading Europe, leading the world in domestic terrorist attacks, France, okay?
	And of course, more homegrown terrorists.
	All of the European victims, by the way, thoughts and prayers go out to the families, so I'm not saying this to denigrate them at all.
	I actually think that it's a travesty.
	All of the European victims from brutal terrorist massacres, they are effectively human sacrifices At the altar of political correctness.
	That's what's happening in Europe.
	And a big part of that is because they don't want to pay their fair share.
	The reason that NATO exists to get into the history after World War II, Europe said, we need to make sure this doesn't happen again.
	And of course, they wondered, well, what do we have to do to get the US on board?
	Because they're the ones who are going to make a difference.
	And that's when they said, hey, United States, can we have like an alliance?
	Can we have an agreement?
	No, we're not as big as you, but can you give us a hand?
	So, this was the agreement, right?
	That these people would pay certain percentages and so would we.
	But they aren't!
	They aren't upholding their end of the bargain, and they haven't been for quite some time.
	Many of them for decades.
	The United States is entirely blameless.
	With regards to NATO.
	We are over-performing, we are over-contributing, and we are saving more lives.
	And while more of the citizens, by the way, from these other countries, all the while, more of their citizens are converting to terrorist Islam and committing acts of, I wouldn't say converting to Islam and committing acts of terrorism, and I know people get mad about that, but you know what?
	I don't really care.
	They're one and the same.
	At this point.
	Terrorist Islam, not all, of course not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists?
	It's kind of like black and bag credit, right?
	It's true.
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	Cultural differences.
	I'm out of touch.
	So they're committing terrorist attacks on their own citizens in their own countries, and now they're even going to other countries like Syria to commit terrorism abroad.
	But France, they still can't be troubled to spend their 2% on the problem.
	Here's my question.
	Whatever happened to the wealthy paying their fair share?
	The top 1%, we hear that all the time, right?
	Wouldn't governments with trillions of dollars qualify?
	Can you guys open the coffers a little bit?
	And let's remove the fact that there are multi-billion and multi-trillion dollar governments from Europe and they're not paying their fair shares viewed through the lens of identity politics.
	I don't want France or Germany or Canada just to pay their fair share because they're rich and I want to take their money.
	It's not like some Bernie Sanders tax plan.
	I want them to pay what they promised to pay because it's their job.
	The government's first and arguably only job is to keep its citizens safe.
	France, Germany, Canada, Italy, they're not doing that, we are.
	So how about this, Europe?
	Okay, how about this?
	Instead of paying for socialized healthcare, for 12-year paternity leave and retirement at the ripe old age of 32, you start doing your job at ensuring the safety and future of your citizens.
	It's why you exist, it is your job, and Donald Trump is 100% correct in pointing out that you suck at it.
	How about that?
	There's a Trevor Noah segment, the...
	By racial South African?
	I don't know.
	We'll go to Senator Ted Cruz.
	it's only get worse and it is ridiculous and i don't know what i mean you know
	but i feel like four out of five
	in a few women that matter i've been like what all How you doing?
	Like, if you're in a really unhappy relationship and your wife is being mentally or physically abusive, you walk out.
	Yeah, or f**k other women.
	But she was drunk, and she was older.
	She was a cougar, okay?
	Turns out she was married.
	I love the ultimatum there.
	If you don't respect me, you don't treat me well, I'm gonna f**k other women.
	That's right!
	It's gonna happen.
	Nope, that's right!
	And guess what?
	That'll work.
	You wanna meet for drinks again?
	I said, now you know what that means, right?
	And she's like, how are you doing, tiger?
	Ironically, that puts the fear of God in them a little.
	And the hotel room overlooking Ocean Road, up against the window, where she's looking out, pressed up against the window.
	Uh-huh, uh-huh.
	That's how you do it.
	I'm Jack Weager, and I approve this message, right?
	I'm Jack Weager, and I approve this message, right?
	Start your day like a patriot.
	Go to BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder today.
	Hope you enjoyed that little animation.
	I didn't do it, our Colombian on staff did.
	Don't worry, he's an actual citizen.
	He's been here for a long time.
	Listen, thank you so much to our sponsor, Black Rifle Coffee.
	Right now, there's a promo.
	If you go to BlackRifleCoffee.com slash Crowder and sign up, here's the thing.
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	I'm gonna go get a drink.
	He doesn't even have that much time to grow out his beard.
	He has to trim it.
	Wow.
	I didn't mean that as an insult.
	I meant it as a compliment.
	Because you know what?
	A lot of people were saying, don't do the beard.
	And he got flack for it.
	We said on this show, keep the beard.
	Keep the beard.
	Have some questions about the beard.
	But also impeachment and some big tech rules that will be rolled out December 10th.
	He's a senator.
	You know, he's a senator.
	You know him.
	You love him.
	Senator Ted Cruz, how are you, sir?
	Steven, I'm doing great.
	I will tell you on the beard, Heidi says I have to trim it.
	She said I'm not allowed to go full Duck Dynasty.
	So if I want to stay married, I gotta trim it.
	Respectable.
	Now, do you trim this here at all, or do you just trim the sides?
	I just trim it to keep the length roughly even.
	And you decided to keep the, I say this, I don't think I'm letting the cat out of the bag, you decided to keep the gray.
	Yeah, no, I don't dye anything.
	I actually, look, my view on hair, I don't mind if it turns gray.
	I'd like it to stick around.
	I'm hopeful it'll stick around, but it can be any color it wants.
	Yeah, you know, I do have a shampoo because for a weird thing, like I have this Mr. Fantastic, but it's a crescent moon in my sideburn that is white.
	So everything else is, and then it's white like this where it looks like I have that hyperpigmentosia, whatever it's called.
	So I just rub in a little shampoo.
	I don't look as good as Senator Ted Cruz.
	Look, that makes you like an X-Man or something.
	I mean, you just need a weird backstory about your special abilities.
	No, I think I need a six-pack and to be backed by billions of dollars in government funding and some kind of genetic mutation.
	Who doesn't need that?
	This is true, but you're closer to it than I am, Senator Cruz, so open the coffers.
	Before we get to talk about big tech, let me ask you, impeachment, we haven't talked about it at all today, we just talked about NATO a little bit, and I think that unlike the UN, NATO serves a valid purpose, it's just the execution has been a joke and that people haven't been carrying their weight.
	So we haven't talked about impeachment, Is there anything new that we need to know?
	In my opinion, there's nothing new.
	Is it all white noise?
	What's the need to know here?
	Because I haven't done my job.
	Look, to be honest, I'm not watching what's happening in the House.
	What?
	Because it's a circus.
	It is a one-sided, partisan, it's a show trial.
	Right.
	You know, if you look at past impeachments, look at Bill Clinton's impeachment, look at Richard Nixon's impeachment, In both instances, the House actually tried to respect due process.
	They allowed the minority to subpoena witnesses to cross-examine.
	House Democrats aren't doing any of that.
	They're ignoring their own precedent.
	So they're only putting on the witnesses they want.
	They've prevented the minority from subpoenaing witnesses.
	And it's designed to present a one-sided trial record.
	This is a show trial.
	The Soviet Politburo would be proud.
	And the outcome is preordained.
	They have decided, House Democrats have decided they're going to impeach Donald Trump.
	And it doesn't matter what the evidence is.
	It doesn't matter what the facts are.
	They hate him politically.
	And so they're going to vote to impeach.
	And so I'm not paying attention to the kangaroo court over there.
	If it comes to the Senate, we'll conduct a trial, we'll respect due process, and then Trump is not going to be removed from office.
	The outcome, I think, is very clear in the Senate, too.
	In both bodies, it's going to be essentially a party-line vote.
	Yeah, and it is a kangaroo court.
	By the way, dunkaroos were delicious.
	Did you have that in the United States?
	Dunkaroos?
	Oh my gosh, you have little ones.
	Do you do dunkaroos there, Senator Cruz?
	I've dunked donuts.
	I don't know that I've done dunkaroos.
	They're just, it's a little self-contained container and it has like animal crackers and it's frosting.
	And you dip it in frosting.
	I definitely have not done those.
	Well, you absolutely should.
	We'll do a dunkaroo party next time you're here.
	We'll get in our jammies and do dunkaroos.
	Let me ask you, this is where it confuses me.
	You know, I will say one of the really good, hard rules of politics is don't do pajama parties.
	I think it's a terrible rule.
	I think that you're not playing... It's not a hard rule of comedy and talk radio internet stuff, but it is a hard rule of politics.
	Yeah, but you know what?
	You need to play 8-D chess.
	The last thing they would expect is for you to show up in a monogrammed onesie with a butt flap, and they go into the Senate bathroom, and they're like, Senator Cruz is not even taking his clothes off, and you just go, I got a flap!
	I got a flap because I've got so much stuff to do, I can't be taking off pants!
	That's what I recommend.
	So my question is, 8D chess, normally you hear 9D chess, so what dimension are we omitting in 8D chess?
	Well, I'm not that far ahead.
	I'm only at 8D at this point, just so you know.
	I didn't say it was a black belt.
	I'm pretty good.
	I'm like a purple belt.
	Look, ours goes to 11.
	Right, exactly.
	It goes to 11.
	Here's my question for you.
	I was talking with my lawyer about this, my half-Asian lawyer, Bill Richman.
	You mentioned sort of this trial.
	There's an investigation, right?
	And people talked about the whistleblower laws.
	But of course, there aren't the same protections if it's not a criminal investigation.
	And it wasn't a criminal investigation.
	I don't know what it's morphed into.
	But how does that apply to The laws like subpoenas, as you're talking about, because we do know that some people have been subpoenaed.
	They're just not allowing the minority party to subpoena.
	Is that what's happening?
	That's exactly what's happening.
	The Democrats don't want any witnesses that contradict the political narrative they're trying to put out, which is why I think most Americans have tuned this out.
	You know, the interesting thing, when I go home to Texas, Nobody asked me about this.
	This is a Washington circus.
	People are interested in jobs and their lives.
	Now, when we get to the Senate, I think the Senate, I hope and believe, will do a much better job being fair.
	And we're going to let both sides present their case.
	And that means if the White House wants to call witnesses, if they want to call Hunter Biden as a witness, if they want to call the whistleblower as a witness, both of them, I think, are obviously very relevant fact witnesses.
	Yeah.
	The White House wants to call them.
	I think the Senate, we should let them call them so both sides can present the facts and evidence.
	This shouldn't be just a political show trial.
	Right.
	Well, so let me ask you this, because they're disallowing one side to present witnesses.
	So two questions.
	Is that legal?
	Which I assume it probably is.
	But secondly, does that follow in line with precedent as far as these kinds of impeachment proceedings have gone in the past?
	Oh, look, it's legal in the sense that the House can do whatever it wants.
	Right.
	But it's not fair.
	And it's inconsistent with the House's own precedent.
	So it's not how they did Bill Clinton's impeachment.
	It's not how they did Richard Nixon's impeachment.
	And this is, look, the unifying theme among Democrats right now is they hate Donald Trump.
	And a lot of these congressional Democrats decided they wanted to remove Trump in November of 2016.
	They're mad at the American people for voting for him.
	And if you disagree with the president, I get that.
	They disagree with him on policy, on politics.
	That's what our democratic process is about.
	Engage, argue, and if you disagree with someone, try to beat them at the ballot box.
	You know, for eight years, Barack Obama was president.
	He supported a whole bunch of policies that I thought were really misguided and were deeply harmful to the people of Texas.
	I didn't urge impeaching Barack Obama because I disagreed with him on policy or politics.
	The way to respond to that is win an election.
	House Democrats aren't willing to try to do that.
	They're abusing the constitutional process and abusing impeachment right now.
	By the way, as it relates to winning an election, can you send some Cliff Notes to your neighbor Beto O'Rourke?
	It's uh, it has been amazing to watch.
	Yeah, do you think he'll be running again locally in Texas or do you think, no?
	You know, I have no idea what he's going to do.
	It was really striking because what happened was he lost his base.
	So when he was running against me, his base was the media.
	Oh, I thought you were going to say skater kids, but yes, media as well.
	Actually, a lot of the media are frustrated skater kids.
	They weren't cool enough to be skater kids, but they wanted to be.
	And the media in the Senate race against me, I mean, they were like groupies.
	at a Beatles concert throwing their underwear at Beto.
	I mean, it was... I think you're confusing Beatles with Tom Jones.
	And I say that because my mom went to go see Tom Jones recently, and women were throwing their panties on stage.
	Still, a hand to God.
	So I don't know if they did that with the Beatles, but yeah, I've never seen as much national attention to a local election as you and Beto, and he still lost.
	Well, and every week there would be a different profile.
	They were all breathless.
	They were describing his smile, his hair, every article.
	I think there was actually a, like, law that was passed among journalists.
	You must include the adjective, Kennedy-esque.
	Can you do that for me one more time?
	Can you do that for me one more time?
	Kennedy-esque.
	Oh, jeez.
	That's gonna be a gif, but not in the ways that we would hope.
	But I'm glad that you do it.
	Hey, but then, The instant we beat him in one.
	And he declares for president.
	Suddenly, he's running against some of the media's favorite candidates, Bernie and Warren and all the rest.
	In an instant, the media turned on him.
	Suddenly, oh my gosh, he doesn't know anything.
	He's in an empty suit.
	And they begin attacking him.
	And I have to admit, I felt for the guy.
	Sure.
	He seems so bewildered.
	He's like, wait, wait, you guys were like carrying my robes and gasping as I walked through the room.
	Right.
	And every one of the reporters that had written these puff pieces then began just shivving him.
	I know.
	And it was the darkest prison yard you've ever seen with knives coming from every direction.
	The darkest prison yard with the whitest Kennedy.
	That's also a big reason they attacked him.
	Like, we don't need more white guys.
	Yeah, I think he thought he was a part of the Cool Kids Club.
	You know, he was on the island.
	And instead, it turned out he was Piggy.
	And they're like, I'll smash his glasses.
	Make a magnifying glass.
	Make a fire.
	He can't see without my glasses.
	All right, final question.
	You know, Piggy has asthma.
	Yes, that was a traumatizing story as a kid.
	I remember I was like, Piggy dies in Lord of the Flies?
	As a kid, I was just absolutely devastated.
	I am really hoping, as ugly as these Democratic primaries have been, that we don't see any skulls on sticks.
	That probably would be a step too far.
	Yeah, I certainly would agree with you.
	You know what?
	Okay, I have some questions for you on the December 10th YouTube Live.
	And besides, if it was a pig skull, they'd lose all the vegan votes, so they can't do that.
	Yeah, well, there are many reasons they can't do a pig skull.
	But, okay, that is at Ted Cruz, Senator Ted Cruz.
	We're going to web extended here for a little bit.
	If you're not a member of Mug Club, join up right now!
	You must choose!
	It's cold outside!
	Bimbo, bimbo!
	My name is Mr. Susan!
	You must choose!
	And now it is time for you to...
	Alright, one live read of the week, because if you haven't joined Mug Club yet, at
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	this firearmslegal.com slash LWC.
	What a complete disaster.
	Egg.
	Excuse me, did you just blow in from dressed like a spazville?
	How do you walk around looking like that?
	Ah yes, there you go.
	Now you're ready to fight the man in style.
	Louder With Crowder merch makes these two slobs look better.
	Get your louder with Crowder gear at louder with Crowder shop dot com and cover your disgusting
	body.
	This is a test.
	That was Timothy Dalton finding out that Walther PPKs don't work underwater.
	Maybe they're in James Bond.
	Firearms don't work underwater.
	Actually, I have no idea.
	Thank you so much, Walther, for your sponsorship.
	We really appreciate it.
	If your firearms do work underwater and I misadvertise your product, I apologize.
	I assume that firearms don't work underwater because of firing pin.
	Yeah, but he's James Bond.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	Was Timothy Dalton really James Bond?
	Not really.
	Was he really?
	He just got lucky.
	Thank you so much to Senator Ted Cruz.
	There is a long, extended interview available for those who are Mug Club members.
	If you are not, please do consider signing up, especially with December 10th looming, which we talk about with Senator Ted Cruz.
	Next week we're doing a Change My Mind in Austin.
	Affirmative action is racist, so we'll see what happens there.
	And then we also have a big Christmas show Wednesday the 18th.
	We're going to be doing a live show, sort of a variety show.
	We'll be doing it for a charity where a portion of every mug club sold.
	We'll offer you guys a discount.
	We'll go to either Christmas baskets or some kind of a, I guess, homes in need Christmas charity.
	We haven't figured out which one is best yet.
	Let me know.
	Tweet me at scrat or which charity you think is best around Christmas time because I don't want to be given to like Bono's one charity.
	Ironically, it gives less than 1% to actual charity.
	And thank you so much to the Hot Twins.
	They are hot.
	Those Hot Twins.
	So, closing segment here.
	Let me talk about this.
	So, my wife and I were actually having this discussion last night.
	She wants to get a Tesla.
	But not because she wants to go fast.
	She would never go fast.
	But she likes to have a self-driving car.
	Now, let me explain this to you, because my wife, where we lived for a long time, they didn't have all of the high roads and overpasses like you have here.
	So anyone who's been to this area of the country, everything is built really high.
	Well, they also can't drive in the snow.
	Things freeze.
	It's like Minority Report, right?
	The roads are really high, and my wife gets really anxious.
	And honestly, I mean, I got into a car wreck on one of those.
	That's true.
	You can still see the skids along the concrete girder from where we almost died.
	And you can see them whenever you're driving on these freeways here.
	You just, you're like, oh, there's a mark.
	Oh, there's a bumper mark.
	There's a bumper mark.
	Went right off the side there.
	Look, that one's like they stamped an Ikea, not an Ikea, a Kia cookie cutter.
	Ikea would sell cookie cutters.
	That's just like a cookie cutter stamp from a Kia car.
	Yeah.
	I got Ikea and Kia mixed up.
	So sue me!
	But she was asking me about it, and I said, OK, listen, here's the deal.
	First off, I don't want a Tesla.
	Sorry, Tim from HR.
	I don't like them.
	But I said, I tell you what, we can get a self-driving car once the technology gets there, but only if you've gotten to the point where you can drive entirely comfortably on these four-lane roads that go up, you know, 80 stories in the sky.
	Only once a year, which I know sounds sort of like it defeats the purpose, but actually that's the whole reason that I
	said that.
	Because only when my wife would be proficient in driving a car in a situation that she finds very fear-inducing, can
	she get it.
	Otherwise, and the reason I say this is because otherwise, it would be letting the fear dictate her decision.
	It would be getting a Tesla, getting a self-driving car because she's afraid or uncomfortable to drive a normal car on a road that's 80 feet up.
	And I don't want someone, I don't want my wife making a decision based on fear.
	When you do that, and I think everyone here has done that at some point, when you, instead of conquering your fear, Your fear owns you.
	That's what happens.
	And it's a horrible, horrible feeling.
	Let me talk with you about something here personally.
	I said that I wouldn't because I know I talked about Hopper a long time ago when he was diagnosed with lymphoma.
	I don't think I'm being a liar because I've changed my mind.
	Tomorrow is Friday.
	I'm going to have to put Hopper to sleep.
	It's something that is really difficult to do.
	But if you want me to talk more about Hopper and his life, and how he even changed the Hodge twins who became dog fans, and how many lives he's touched, just follow me on Instagram.
	I think it's Ladder with Crowder.
	I'll talk more about that personal stuff there, because I talked about it once on this show, and I'm not doing this for it to be a tearjerker.
	But there were discussions that need to happen.
	I think there's something I get.
	I would kill a thousand dogs to save one human baby.
	Don't get me wrong.
	But it is this is the first time I've had to go through this and it is probably the hardest thing I've had to do because you have to make a decision.
	To end the life of someone you love.
	And you're doing it out of compassion.
	It is the right thing to do.
	And thank you so much to my vet, Dr. Wright, who said, listen, there's no guilt.
	He said, I've known a lot of people who say that I wish I would have done this sooner.
	I don't know anyone who said that they wish they would have waited.
	And I want you to know, and I appreciate so much the letters that I get from you guys.
	We have people who've sent in, like, oil paintings of Hopper.
	I understand that he's touched your lives as well, so I feel like I owe it to you to let you know what's happening.
	He's not in pain, but probably in a week or two it would get pretty rough.
	It's like a flu that you don't get better from.
	And so we've had to have these conversations, and I have to be there tomorrow.
	So we haven't missed shows this week.
	having taken a sick day, but tomorrow I won't be coming into work
	because I have decided that I'm going to be the one there to
	hold him while they put Hopper to sleep. And if I don't, I have to do it.
	Let me explain this to you.
	I have to do it.
	Because if I don't, I'd be letting my fear, and fear of pain, really, I'd be letting my fear, my pain, control me.
	I'd be letting it defeat me, and I wouldn't be doing the right thing for Hopper.
	A lot of times, people talk about this, like, it's okay to cry.
	You know what?
	It's not always okay to cry.
	It's not always okay to cry.
	You can't be sitting there and sobbing and out of control as you put your dog down.
	It's not fair to the dog.
	That dog is gonna be leaving the world terrified.
	When we came back from the vet, I'm not gonna lie, I cried like a bitch, but I closed the door, put Hopper in, turned my head, did one of those, you know, things that hurts your chest because you're trying not to let the cry come out.
	It's normal to grieve.
	It's absolutely normal to grieve, but we can't be consumed by grief.
	And going back to the idea, we can't let it dictate our lives.
	This is a part of life.
	And I haven't really thought about everything I'm going to be talking about here, so forgive me if I'm a little frazzled.
	It's a little bit of a tough subject to talk about.
	Here's the thing.
	Let me put it this way.
	Everyone, everyone on earth goes through periods in their life where they just want to give up or want to die.
	Every person goes through a period in life where you feel like you're done and you just want it to end.
	You want to give up and die.
	You just don't.
	I know sometimes we offer, and we do, we talk about stick-to-itiveness and discipline and a plan, and all of that is important.
	That being said, you can maintain control of your emotions, you can be disciplined, you can set a plan, you can get up at the same time every day, you could be doing the right things, and sometimes your emotions just get the better of you, and everyone gets to a point where they hit a wall, they're at the end of their rope, they feel like they want to give up and die.
	You don't.
	You just choose not to.
	It's that simple.
	And let me tell you, you know, this is going to sound cliche, but a big help in dealing with this, first off, it's easier to deal with this now because we've had time with Hopper and we've done everything that we could.
	It wasn't very sudden.
	But looking at it with an attitude of not, and we are losing a lot, losing a best friend, that is absolutely true.
	But looking at how much we were blessed And other people were blessed because of having a dog like Hopper.
	Looking at this through the lens of both gratitude and selflessness is so immensely helpful.
	When you look at it, instead of saying, I am putting my dog down, that is really sad.
	It's really sad, but going, my God, I got to rescue a dog that I had.
	We've had seven years with this dog.
	We saved this dog's life.
	It was a one-legged dog with Lyme disease and alopecia, and people who never liked dogs got to spend time with him, and he was a therapy dog, and he got to sleep in our bed, and we grew up with him, my wife and I, the woman of my youth, and we moved to a new house, and we kept We got the old futon that he loved, and we have so many memories that we're grateful for, and we got Betty, who's going to be on the show more, and they started bonding together, so we were able to sort of pass that torch now to Betty, and after this, we'll probably get another companion for Betty, because Betty does really well with dogs.
	If she had her way, her and Hopper would be playing all day, and then cuddling all day, and Hopper instead had his way, and it was get the hell off me, because he's an old man, and I don't blame him, but looking at it with gratitude, And selflessness, that frames what you have to do.
	That frames the, ah, I can't believe I have to put my, I can't believe my dog is dying.
	That changes because of gratitude to, thank you, Lord, for giving me the time and helping me grow as a person with this sentient being who I do, who I love dearly.
	Thank you so much.
	And looking at it selflessly, serving others is, you know what, as opposed to going, ah, I have to put my dog down, because I've seen people like this.
	It's what does Hopper need right now?
	What does he want right now?
	What does he need at this moment in time?
	And the truth is, he's happy.
	He's happy.
	He's not in pain right now.
	He has no idea he's going to be taking a sleeping pill.
	It's like taking a Fuzanix.
	He's going to be having a grand old time.
	You know what would ruin it?
	Me thinking about myself and spending the last couple of days feeling sorry for myself and weeping.
	And a lot of people don't realize this.
	Pain sometimes can create a very selfish environment.
	Yes, it's okay to feel pain, it's okay to grieve, but to allow it to consume you almost invariably allows it to consume the people around you.
	And that's not right.
	It's wrong.
	Regardless of whether you're in pain or not, it is wrong to act that way.
	So if you find yourself in a situation where you maybe feel like it's too much, you're at the end of your rope, you want to give up, you want to lay down, here's what you do.
	Don't.
	Don't!
	And look at your situation and say, what can I be grateful for and how can I serve others?
	Above everything else that I've talked about on this show, if you approach every single scenario, and it's particularly the most painful ones, what am I grateful for and how can I serve?
	It will change the way you live your life.
	And the way that you live your life subsequently will benefit the lives around you.
	So thank you so much for being here with me.
	I appreciate it.
	Thank you for all of your letters.
	And you know what?
	Pretty soon we might be having a golden ticket for a companion for Betty.
	Thank you so much.
	We'll see you next week.
	I have a big change of my mind coming up.

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