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May 24, 2019 - Louder with Crowder
42:27
#490 BERNIE SANDERS HOSTS ‘LOUDER WITH CROWDER’! | Mark Levin Guests
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Time Text
Louder with Crowder Studios.
Protected exclusively by Walther.
Ann Harper.
Steven.
Thanks.
Wake up, Steven.
You wake up, you fascist son of a bitch!
What?
What's going on?
I'm afraid you're not gonna make your call time.
What are you talking about?
Is this what you're looking for?
These things are positively dangerous, Steve.
I disagree.
Especially when you take into account welfare's attention to safety measures.
Shut the hell up, you filthy firearm-loving whore!
You know, at first, I was trying to figure out why you paid me so much.
I wrote a book.
Now a book, which you obviously have never read.
I know everything I need to know about you.
YOU DIDN'T READ THE COCKADOODLE BOOK!
Okay, I'll read it.
I'll read your book, okay?
Just let me out of here.
No, no, no.
It's far too late for that now.
It's time for you to pay your penance.
Your premium.
Premium?
What the hell are you talking about?
What's going on over here?
Why am I strapped down?
Bernie, whatever it is you're thinking about doing, please don't do it!
Please don't do it, Bernie!
Time to put your beloved for-profit healthcare to the test.
Bernie, no.
Oh God, no.
Bernie, please don't do this.
You don't have to do this.
Just put the hammer down.
Put the hammer down, Bernie.
Almost done!
Just one more!
Now that's what I call a pre-existing condition!
Ha ha ha ha! He's a strange animal!
He's a strange animal!
That's what I thought!
He's a strange animal!
He's a strange animal!
That's what I thought!
I'm very pleased to be hosting this program today.
Stephen Carter is...
You've been disposed.
I appreciate that.
Understandable.
We'll have Mark Levin on the program later today.
We'll be talking about health care.
All the other DNC candidates are running, of course, calling for this nomination.
We have a quarter Afro-American Garrett.
What's up?
How's it going?
Half-Oriental Asian Bill Richmond is here.
Thank you, Senator.
Gerald Morgan Jr.
with the wine of the day.
Yes.
And I brought a special one for you, sir, because, uh, the kind of policies that you tend to push on us do this to dissidents.
It's called a, it's called a blindfold.
They usually get shot right afterwards.
So I just thought it was, it was just, it was for you.
That's a reasonable.
So I guess the question of the day, which is important for everyone to be discussing right now, given the current state of our, of our democracy, which of the 217 people running against me, Should I choose?
It's my running mate.
You pick a horse, you tell me.
Is it the comments section?
It's the comments.
It's what the kids use underneath.
Before we get to that and my problems with all of the nominees, leading the news, homeland of urban development, HUD secretary.
Doctor, I don't think that's actually the acronym.
It's relevant to the story.
Ben Carson was asked about real estate on properties commonly referred to as REOs.
Unfortunately for the doctor, he heard Oreos.
As you look it up, I'd also like you to get back to me, if you don't mind, to explain the disparity in REO rates.
Do you know what an REO is?
An Oreo?
No, not an Oreo.
An REO.
Real estate.
Dr. Ben Carson was subsequently asked about the effects of real estate on foreclosures that they've had on the African-American community.
And Ben Carson responded that he would have to, quote, ask a black guy and get back to you!
Wow.
That mulatto son of a bitch!
Oh my gosh, look, just because he doesn't parrot the leftist policies doesn't mean he's, I mean, not black?
I mean, come on, that's a little bit of an unfair characterization, I would say.
He should have known what an REO was, but, you know.
Hey, Mumble McMumbleson, he couldn't hear what she was saying.
That's true.
He was hungry.
Is that the lady's name?
By the way, Kota Afro-American, you don't have to keep me on screen for the whole remainder
because sometimes I'll have a crick in my neck.
In international news, patriots in the United Kingdom, they've started throwing milkshakes
at their fascist opponents.
So far, Nigel Farage, Tommy Robinson, and Sargon, love of a cat, have all been milkshaked
by these brave British patriots.
I'm Bernie Sanders, and I approve this method!
Hey, wait!
Ah!
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
It's remarkably wild.
Wow.
Effective.
Yeah.
It's a waste of a milkshake, though.
I mean, that's true.
What's your favorite flavor there, Senator?
I put vanilla.
That's a surprise.
That's a frame I apply with ice cream and gelato.
No Oreos in there?
Frosties.
No Oreos at all.
Frosties.
No flavors of any kind added.
I'm a pure vanilla man.
Pure vanilla, right?
Just like your economic.
I appreciate your consistency.
Yourself?
I prefer black, white, and yellow.
So a girl?
Her horror, okay, absolute horror, on a Reddit thread about accidentally giving her father herpes after using his razor.
This comes from the Mirror.
That's terrible.
The sexually active girl was on holiday and used her father's razor to touch up...
Down there?
Before going on again?
You never know what's going to happen.
And the event was described by Vice President Mike Pence as an itchy wake-up call on abstinence-only education!
I've got an itchy face, son of a whore!
Why didn't she say, shut up, a whore!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
I'm so sorry.
This story would be even funnier if it hadn't caused her parents to actually split up.
They actually got in a big fight over this because you can't get this the other way.
That becomes a crisis.
It's a cautionary tale.
No one should be forced to split up and then not be able to survive.
Simply because they use the Venus on the nether.
That's true, but in socialist economies, don't they tend to run out of things that are common, like razor blades?
People would actually have to share those a lot.
The ship lines are actually a good thing.
Oh, they're a good thing.
In other countries, they don't.
Not for herpes, they're not, apparently.
Here's something, by the way.
But you don't hear every day.
An Austrian official warned against a cow-kissing challenge for charity.
The official said that pastures are not petting zoos and getting intimate with cows can have serious consequences.
And most affected by this news, citing unbearable loneliness, was John McCain's daughter!
Wow.
Oh my god.
Senator, that is just... I think allowing Bernie to do these photoshops was a bad idea.
Yes, that was... YOU SON OF A BITCH HAMILTON!
He's so uptight, this one!
He needs more wine.
Breadline prisoner wine or whatever.
Exactly, thank you very much.
Go ahead, take it away.
Go ahead, take it away.
It's a sigil, yeah.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Go ahead.
I'll give you a minute.
Now, uh, switching to comedy, because we're doing a late-night program here tonight.
The talented and brave Amy Schumer talked to Instagram this week to stick it to the patriarchy and show the world what new motherhood is actually like by snapping a picture with her breastbone, as you can see.
Can we bring the photograph up again, ma'am?
You want to see that again?
Now this story gives new meaning to your browser requesting that you accept cookies!
I DID IMMEDIATELY!
I'M FILTHY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA By the way, I hope he doesn't anticipate passing the ball again.
Oh my gosh, look, it's just not a, it's not a brave, she's not funny and it's not brave.
Both of those things are wrong, sorry.
Finally, Alabama Public Television, they refused to air the gay wedding episode of the children's program, Author.
Fantastic!
They aired a rerun in, have you followed this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
Instead they aired a rerun in Alabama of the highly publicized, in place story of the, I'm not used to using prompter.
No, I speak from the heart.
Oh, from the heart, yeah.
As a human being.
Really?
They ran a rerun instead of... Try it again.
Instead of a highly publicized, as you know, Mr. Ratburn.
Yes.
And the special someone.
Special, special someone.
The episode that... Okay, okay, gay, gay Ronan's getting married!
You've come a long way from an empty toilet paper roll and Richard Gere's...
I say Richard Gere, I apologize!
I meant Pete Bootygig!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! He gets it!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Senator, I mean, how do you feel about that, running mate?
As a potential running mate?
Are we talking about Pete Buttigieg?
Yeah, Buttigieg.
You know, that actually, that's what we call a segway.
Because we're going to discuss all of the candidates.
Before I go, do you have preferences yourselves?
And people who are watching in the comments section, let us know who you think is the most viable candidate.
Vile, I think.
I'm not going to let you catch me with that one.
Well, no, but you started this, Donald Trump.
I think the best candidates are going to have to be the ones that are millionaires.
So that's why I love you right at the top of the list there, Senator.
There you go.
And Beto.
Beto would be a good candidate.
If you write a best-selling book as well rather than playing a third fiddle on a third-string late-night program, you too could probably be a millionaire.
Yeah, exactly.
If we suckled at the government teeth for a while, maybe we could be millionaires.
Do you have a preferred candidate?
Booty Gig, I think.
For name alone.
Okay.
Because it's hilarious.
So there are almost 20 Democratic candidates running at this point.
And I'm going to go through reasons for why you shouldn't vote for any of them.
Pete Booty Gig.
First he served in the military, mayor of a small town in Indiana, but his greatest qualification, of which he lets you know constantly, is that he's a f***!
Roll clip!
Plenty of indications by the time I was 15 or so that I could point back and be like, yeah, this kid's gay.
When I came out, Mike Pence was the governor of Indiana.
When I joined the military, don't ask, don't tell was still the law of the land.
Oh boy.
I looked at that little screen on my phone and I saw this smile.
This guy.
And I clicked the button on the right.
Because I had to meet him.
The most important thing in my life.
My marriage to Chastin.
Okay!
We did it!
Right, if that's your only qualification, right, is your sex, your preference in sex, or your gender, that's not much of a qualification.
If that were the case, he'd be the front runner because of American's pension for Chinese pornography!
Absolutely!
You're the best!
Filthy bitch!
Nothing makes a white customer happier than seeing an Asian penis.
Kamala Harris!
That is not true, that is not true.
Now many people don't know this, But my colleague Kamala Harris, huge slut, filthy, her career was actually kickstarted by San Francisco Mayor, ironically named Willie Brown.
Who just so happened to be the most influential man in California politics, who later admitted to sleeping with her!
Oh, wow.
By the way, she's also a cop!
Did you hear that?
Kill her, Mike!
She's a cop!
Oh my gosh, yeah.
That's a way to get to the top, though.
As an aggressive prosecutor, she defended the California, you probably could speak to this, half-Oriental, the three-strike law in California.
She upheld, I believe, was the only state that imposed life sentences for a third strike that could be even any minor felony.
Yeah, absolutely.
You s*** the streets of San Francisco, She's throwing you in the clink.
Well, it's reasonable.
They've got a lot of people doing that.
Just San Francisco, all of California.
And it seems here that you're... These are almost like Republican viewpoints.
It's really interesting to hear you say that.
You're bringing up very good reasons why, so far, these people shouldn't be considered.
THE BOSTON BOMBER CAN'T CATCH A BREAK!
There he goes.
There he goes.
He's right back to it.
And you're back off.
Okay, never mind.
ONE MARATHON AND YOU'RE TARNED FOR LIFE!
Wow.
Jeez.
And now, by the way, she's pretending, have you seen this?
To be a cool kid who smokes ganja and listens to hip-hop.
Here.
And I inhale.
I did inhale.
You inhaled.
It was a long time ago.
Nice job.
She's hip with the kids.
I just broke loose.
I mean, was it in college?
What were you listening to when you was high?
What was on?
What song was it?
Oh my goodness.
Oh yeah, definitely Snoop.
Uh-huh.
Tupac, for sure.
It's pronounced Shakur.
I see what you did there!
On your leg!
And I like it because I want a kneecapper!
Lights on your heart!
Wow!
Come on!
She wouldn't be on ice skates!
She'd be on furlough!
Let me get this straight!
She graduated college in 87, right?
Snoop and Tupac didn't have albums until the 90s.
So either she had a DeLorean, or she was so high, while simultaneously locking up non-violent drug offenders in massive numbers, she was banging the mayor of Clockwork Elmsville!
That's a reasonable charge.
It really is.
Oh, man.
What were you, 65 during the early 90s?
For sure!
Oh, and you smoked the pot, too, right?
I think we all know that.
There's no way you've gotten to be the man you are today without smoking pot.
I, uh, actually, I never took part.
Oh, really?
Only meth.
Only meth.
Don't stop thinking I'm responsible single-handedly for the modern opioid crisis!
Oh, well, thank you for that.
Thank you for that.
We appreciate it.
WHAT DO I WANT?
I NEED!
I NEED!
I NEED HELP!
Do we have a Bernie Sanders handler around?
I'd say one of my favorites is Bob Marley.
Okay, do you have a favorite band or a favorite musician? I'd say one of my favorites is Bob Marley. What good choice?
Marley was dead to begin with! She didn't shoot the sheriff!
She didn't shoot the deputy!
Just turned on and locked up fellow blacks and left their numbers!
That does look kinda bad when you're running for president.
It's alright.
She's running on the backs of the prisoners.
She wants them to vote.
Yes.
Oh, that's right!
That's right.
What do you think about that, lawyer?
You know, I think it's somewhat ironic that a lot of the folks she put into prison she now wants to vote.
I'm not quite sure she thought that all the way out.
It's fair.
But you like that, right, Senator?
It's inconsistent with my colleagues, and I won't speak badly of any of them.
But that might send the vote to you!
You never know, because they're not going to vote for her!
Could be straight in there.
Elizabeth Warren is next on the list.
This is the broad who recently called for a boycott of Fox News, calling it a hate-for-profit network.
Now, this is important to note the differences.
This stands in stark contrast to the Fox News town halls in which me and my colleague Pete Buttigieg There you go.
Correct pronunciation.
Butt giggle.
In order to reach new views.
Hey!
Hey Pocahontas!
I hope you can paint with all the colors of your plummeting ball numbers!
So you don't like her as a running mate?
I'm not a fan!
I appreciate that you used Pocahontas, though.
That at least shows that she's faking this supposed 1,000- Can you see with all the colors of your false DNA test?! !
You're coming over to our side here a little bit.
I like it.
Do you think she would qualify to get into your wife's old university with that diversity number?
I would answer, but it's now defunct!
So fast!
It went defunct!
That's a shame.
Yeah, that happens, but what are you going to do?
Joe Biden!
When this guy's not grasping at straws for relevancy, he's just plain old grabbing ass!
and to the US Senate as well.
Things went from uncomfortable to plain awkward as Biden bent down slightly
apparently to whisper in Carter's ear.
AHHHHH!
And by the way, if that weren't enough, the guy's against Medicare for all!
What would you say to calls for some sort of universal health care or something like Medicare for All from some of the other people running in the Democratic primary?
Well, look, I think they're well-intended.
I think they mean it.
But here's the deal.
Right now, you have this overwhelming number of employers who are paying into the health care plan.
Why let them off the hook?
All of a sudden they don't have to pay anything?
What happens then to this whole thing about profit and the rest?
I mean, it should be part of the compensation if you have it.
There you go!
He wants to maximize profits for the insurance industry!
Unlike my plan, Medicare for All, which includes free mental health care and counseling for all the people against whom Biden's committed grievous sexual assault!
That alone could bankrupt the system, sir.
I don't know that we can support that.
It'll be a test!
I appreciate your care for the victims of Biden.
It's just warming the heart.
But also the mental health care services that you're championing, you should probably avail yourself of those services as well, sir.
Oh, I do!
I do quite!
You do?
Okay.
Well, maybe better health care would be better for you.
Maybe I'm not sure they're actually effective.
We need real doctors here.
Well, I can't sit on the couch for long!
Because my back gets creaky!
Oh, I thought it was the hemorrhoids.
Yes!
Yes!
Those as well!
I also had filthy sex with my therapist!
It was this next man's girlfriend!
We'll get to that in a moment!
By the way, hit the notification bell!
And join up at Mug Club, but don't actually do it!
No, yeah, pay the money.
Yeah, do it.
Absolutely do it.
For sure, do it.
The next gentleman!
Yeah, do it.
iTunes as well.
Is Cory Booker, who I do, while being fair, is a grandstanding tool.
Okay, yeah.
I would actually agree with that.
This next young man couldn't be, yep, yep, that's true.
That's very good.
He couldn't be more cringey than, well, perhaps this is a prime example, when he made this claim while disingenuinely grandstanding.
I'm going to release the email about racial profiling, and I understand that the penalty comes with potential ousting from the Senate.
And if Senator Cornyn believes that I violated Senate rules, I openly invite... It's not against the rules, you toolbag!
I'm releasing that email right now.
This is about the closest I'll probably ever have in my life to an I am Spartacus moment.
No!
Booker!
The closest you'll come to a Spartacus moment is when everyone else stands up because they too have f***ed Rosario Dawson!
YOU!
JUST NOT YOU!
BECAUSE I'M QUITE SURE YOU'RE PLAYING SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN WITH BEAUTY GANG!
That's actually probably true.
Oh my gosh, by the way, that was one of the worst moments of Cory Booker's career.
He got outed like the next day like, hey, this information's already publicly available.
But I've got to stand on the line.
You would never do something like that.
Can you tell us, Half-Oriental, is that in fact, was he committing some act of bravery, or was that in fact already the rules that was already released?
I mean, I think it does show a lot of courage to openly lie in a grandstand on C-SPAN.
I mean, I'm not willing to do it, so... Yes!
The lying, just like Rosario when she told you, don't worry, it happens to lots of guys!
By the way, this guy, this guy, he also thinks margaritas are made with vodka.
No.
Death penalty.
So a margarita is fruit, and there is ice, and there is vodka.
Push him off the ledge.
Push him off the ledge.
I'm sorry.
What do you expect from a guy who thinks a Bloody Mary consists of a Colt .45 and a misdemeanor?
Come on, I will lock you up for life!
Closing thoughts!
I kind of thought that you would be for this.
I thought Margarita's having vodka because of your love for Russia.
They produce tons of vodka.
I thought that would be cool with you.
I am a fan of the Soviet Union, but I'm not big on Jimmy Buffet!
But you can still, like, Margarita's not Margaritaville, sir.
Yeah, that's totally different.
Turn up your hearing aid if you can't hear me.
Well, I got one!
One of the Margaritaville machines as a honeymoon gift from a Russian czar!
Oh!
And Bed Bath & Beyond, those filthy assholes, changed their return policy!
Ah, yes.
Every time.
You need the 20% off coupon, then it's worth it.
That's the last time I buy a Dyson from you, asshole!
These critiques, though, seem a little bit self-serving.
This kind of leaves us with one person primarily to vote for on that side.
Is there a reason?
That's a fair point!
Fair point?
And I believe we'll talk about it before I hear a half-Oriental's closing thoughts with Mark Levin.
I guess we'll just go to Mark with it!
Please!
Know who to vote for!
And they'll tell you to join my club!
Go do it!
Do it!
GO DO IT! DO IT! GO DO IT! DO IT!
Thanks for watching!
fazbear w zalazak Guys, I'm still here.
And it's very important, if you want me to live, to join my club at lauderworthcrowder.com slash mugclub.
It's only $99 annually.
$69 for students, veterans, or active military.
And you get access to the entire Blaze catalog.
This hand-etched mug that I can't reach right now.
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Crowder!
Where are you?
Do you hear me?
It's very important that you call the cops.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Join my club, go!
Go!
Please, go!
Join my club!
Now!
Now!
Take it off the screen!
Don't do it!
Stop!
STOP!
Let's turn to one part of this that I find most interesting because
Because whenever you have an organization like this or like I'm thinking of other movements like
Blegs it and things like this Okay, so I had some time to calm down
Yeah.
I got a little bit heated before the show.
You did?
It's okay.
Before on the first break.
It's true.
It's true.
It's okay.
But our next guest I have right here, I have in front of me.
I don't watch his program.
Full disclosure, but it's on Fox News, Blaze TV, Levin TV, and his new book is On Freedom of the Press.
Mark, Mr. Levin, thank you for coming on the program.
It is a great honor, kind of.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Let me ask your book, Mark, on freedom of the press.
Yes.
Can you explain it for people, notably this audience, who has not read it?
Yes.
Well, you're very good, by the way.
I think the problem we have here in our country is we do not have a free press.
We have a media.
A media that likes people like you.
A media that's made up of people like you.
A media that basically advances a social activism, progressivism, Democrat Party agenda.
Where you have about 80% of the Republicans who reject it.
About 80% of the Democrats who love it.
When you look at your favorite networks, CNN and MSNBC, or your favorite newspapers, Pravda, I mean the New York Times and the Washington Post, You can see that, again, it is loaded with people who are pushing your opinion rather than news.
Well, Mark, Mark, to be fair for a moment, Mark, I want to be clear.
You've sort of alluded that the American press has gone from being this perhaps great bastion of objective journalism to effectively degenerating into more of a standardless profession.
Do I have that approximately correct?
You do have it approximately correct, and basically- AND DO YOU BLAME YOURSELF?!
Me?
No, I'm just a little part of the media, but I'm not part of the news media, that's for sure.
But you do have- Mark, Mark, to be fair, you do have three shows to your name.
You have a lot of programs out there in the media.
And Bernie, let me tell you something.
I've asked you to come on every one of them.
And you won't come on any of my shows?
Why is that?
Listen, Vermont is a very diverse, busy state, and I can't always be appearing on every show that asks, but I will make it a point, after this program, to appear.
We'd love to have you on, because I want to dig into your philosophy, you know, Marxism, Hegelism and Rousseauism and hemorrhoidism, the whole thing.
No, Mark, Mark, that is a misrepresentation of what I believe, OK?
I do not want the United States to be like Venezuela, which people have said.
That's not true.
That's not true.
I want a better care for all and a system like you would see in Catalonia in the 1930s, which was very successful.
Mark, so let's not do the misrepresenting of each other's voices here, but it is your presupposition that the media is far left, correct?
When you yourself have a show on Fox News.
Yeah, okay, that's like Israel in the middle of the Middle East, you know?
It's true.
The fact is that the rest of the Middle East would be like the American media, you know?
You look at the New York Times.
The New York Times lied about the Holocaust.
I'd say that's pretty bad, Bernie.
And the New York Times lied about the wiping out of 10 million Ukrainians by Stalin.
I'd say that was pretty bad, too.
And they call themselves the paper of record and all the news that's fit to print.
I just don't buy it.
We go into that in the book.
The New York Times did not lie about the Holocaust.
That is bombastic, divisive.
And that is untrue, Mark.
Well, I don't know.
Many scholars have pointed it out.
I just decided to make it available to the vast majority of the American people that the New York Times pushed the Holocaust to its back pages.
Where I come from, that's pretty bad.
Also, they did the same thing with the slaughter of the Ukrainians, as I point out.
But we even have this Russia collusion thing.
You're familiar with Russia, you know.
You spent your honeymoon in Moscow.
You know it better than I do.
That's true.
And that went on for... I had a wonderful experience.
I do not shy away from it.
I've been very open about this.
Russia's been a very beautiful place that I think that, of course, President Trump has colluded with.
And let me bring you to my next point.
Mark, Mark, we're getting off topic.
Where do you line up on impeachment?
I believe that we should impeach Nancy Pelosi and maybe Chuck Schumer, although they're not subject to impeachment.
Maybe expel them.
I reject impeachment of the President of the United States.
He's a victim.
These police state tactics out of the FBI and the Department of Justice.
There was already a criminal investigation.
We have Jerry Nadler.
You know Jerry.
You guys used to hang around in the same basements and so forth.
That's true.
You got guys like Jerry Nadler and other leftists, mostly out of New York and San Francisco, L.A.
and so forth.
And they're trying to topple this presidency and disenfranchise 63 million people who voted for this president.
They put out these phony subpoenas for his personal records.
Look, the president's a billionaire.
You're a multimillionaire.
Nancy Pelosi's worth tens of millions of dollars.
So maybe everybody should release their tax returns.
Look, perhaps if you write a New York Times best-selling book, you could be a multimillionaire, too.
Okay?
That's not fair character.
How do you know I'm not?
Mark, Mark, there's no need for personal insults.
I've written two best-selling books here.
Yes, you have.
Not everybody has done that, and I have paid my fair share, at which point, who doesn't deserve a third lake house?
Okay?
We've talked about this fairly, Mark.
So, yourself.
It sounds to me like you're doing quite a bit of whataboutism, Mark.
What about Nancy Pelosi?
What about Chuck Schumer?
What about the man in office who is vulgar, dangerous, and has deregulated an economy that has, frankly, hurt the middle class?
Mark.
I don't mind whataboutism, by the way.
It's the one ism I like.
You know, it beats Marxism and Socialism.
Anyway, what do I think about the President?
Actually, the middle class has expanded.
There is job creation.
We call it capitalism.
Tax cuts, reducing government, reducing regulations.
That's why we have such great wealth in this country.
And that's why we have such great growth.
That's why we're the biggest middle class of any society on the face of the earth.
That's why you can go into a supermarket and purchase virtually anything you want.
We live like kings and queens compared to 200 years ago.
Unlike your Venezuela, or Cuba, or all the other experiments that take place, even in an industrialized... Ah, horse s***!
Yes.
I'm talking about places like Denmark, and Sweden, and Finland, you heck!
And like Vermont.
That's true.
That's true.
We do.
We have, in Vermont, we have a more socialized system and we don't leave anybody left behind, Mark.
But let me ask you a final question.
We do have to get going.
I appreciate you taking this.
The book is Unfreedom of the Press from a man who hosts four programs in primetime.
So, Mark, which Democrat currently running do you think has a new estimation, okay, the
best chance of beating Mr. Trump?
I think John Hickenlooper.
I think that's his name.
I think John Hickenlooper, or Hickenhooper, or whatever his name is, I think he has the best chance.
I think that looks pretty good on a bumper sticker.
Maybe Andrew Yang.
I understand Andrew Yang is running for president of this country, so I'd put my money on those two.
Okay.
Perhaps I should rephrase.
Which senior citizen who happens to be a Democratic candidate do you believe would most likely effectively beat Donald Trump?
I'd say Elizabeth Warren.
She looks a little long in the tooth.
I suspect she might have a shot at it.
Allow me to rephrase!
Which senior citizen who may or may not have been or currently is a senator in Vermont do you think could beat Donald Trump?
Joe Biden?
Oh, horse s***!
I've had enough of this bloke!
Let's move on to the close!
LET'S CLOSE!
Hi, I'm Bernie Sanders, and I'm the only member of the DNC from the last election cycle cannot get an F from the NRA!
I got a D-minus.
So you know my opinion matters.
Walter, I don't know much about firearms, but I hear good things.
This so-called bird doesn't fly and is protected by the U.S.
government.
No one knew why, until now.
Since the dawn of time, the ground owl has been there for every tragedy society has ever known.
Had the ear of kings and leaders throughout the world.
The ground owl burrowed its way into every aspect of our culture.
And influenced even the most prestigious influencers.
Even Washington D.C.
itself was designed to pay homage to this vile creature.
And this is only the beginning.
Join us on Crowder Conspiracies as we finally expose the ground owl.
Oh no!
I'm still gonna be okay, you good?
AHAHAHAHA!
Hey, wait!
I'm still gonna be okay, you good?
AHAHAHAHA!
NO!
NO!
TAKE IT OFF THE SCREEN!
DON'T DO IT!
STOP!
No, no, take it off the screen!
Don't do it!
Stop!
so so
so so uh i have to say that i am not a huge fan of the program
but i i mean I'm fond of... I'm fond of The Drowning Dead.
I appreciate it.
The Drowning Dead.
Thanks for coming out.
I mean, it wasn't great, but... Good job.
That's okay.
So I do want to talk, in this last segment, I get asked this a lot on the campaign trail.
A question from many American citizens from the heart, and I'd like to take the opportunity to answer this for all Americans, not just the ones who will vote for me, but for all Americans.
We find ourselves in tough times.
Unemployment in this country is almost 3.9%.
Average individual wages have slowed to less than 5.5% growth year over year.
Sure, there's a job surplus, but for many of you, these are not the jobs you want.
Well, the tax break across the board has put more money in most people's pockets.
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
It has disproportionately put more money in the pockets of the wealthiest 10%.
Okay?
And this has led to many people to feel that the American dream is dead.
That the lifestyle your parents maybe enjoyed is out of reach for many of you.
And I could ask that.
If the American dream is dead, and as it pertains to the question of any meaningful change to reverse course, Many people who talk to me and they feel, you feel hopeless.
Aren't most of us the 10%?
Nope.
That's the carrot that's dangled.
Like a rabbit on a treadmill.
Have you seen the rabbit on the treadmill?
Yeah.
With the wheel going around, but there's no carrot.
So I want to take this opportunity for many of you who feel hopeless to tell you that as a public figure and as one who wants to inspire many of you to understand what's going on in our country, Then it's hopeless!
Listen!
Unless you vote for me, there's no way you can make it in this country!
You need me!
Healthcare!
Education!
A living wage!
Without me, none of those things are possible!
What other choice do you have?
Do it on your own and pull yourself up by your bootstraps?
You son of a bitch!
You delusional son of a bitch!
Who wears boots with straps anymore?
You need me!
You can't make it in America without me!
That's just what the Koch brothers want you to think!
And I'll fade out!
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