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April 26, 2019 - Louder with Crowder
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#471 THE 'FREE' COLLEGE SCAM... | Bryan Callen Guests | Louder With Crowder
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Louder with Crowder Studios.
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and hopper.
Steven Ackerman.
And the masters of the internet!
I am Crowder, Prince of Utubia.
Defender of the secrets of Castle Mug Club.
This is Puppy Hopper, scared of de-platforming.
Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held my hand-etched mug and said,
By the power of Mug Club, I have the power!
Oh, bother.
Now this is Hopper, with all the cheeses.
And I became Steven, the most powerful conservative on YouTube!
Together we defend Castle Mug Club from the evil forces of censorship!
Steven!
You're a strange animal, that's what I know You're a strange animal, I've got to follow
I'm in the spirit of S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
Thanks for watching!
That's called the Hulk Hogan, or my half-Italian aunt at Thanksgiving dinner.
She had the upper lip mustache.
But also, I'm here because we have Mahmood Al-Mahmood, ISIS communications director.
Good to see you again, Steven.
Back by popular demand.
How are you, sir?
Good to show you the softer side of ISIS, as always.
Yes, we really appreciate it.
We have Brodigan over there, replacing Gerald Morgan.
He's on his honeymoon, but I still don't trust it.
I have the bourbon of the day.
It's Hudson, from the region of New York we call Not New York City.
OK, got it.
And quarter black hair, show them your hood.
What's up, dawg?
We have Brian Callan.
Ooh, I'm so excited about that.
You know him from Goldberg, Schooled, Old School, what is it?
MADtv.
What was it about the Hangover?
85 different podcasts.
Fighter and the Kid, Warrior, but he's unbelievably funny, hysterical, and on the Joe Rogan Show quite a bit, so I'm looking forward to having him on.
Question of the Day!
We're going to be talking about this quite a bit.
Do you think college is a human right?
And to those of you who went to college, just how necessary or helpful was it in preparing you for your field of work and or the real world?
Just comment below.
We'll be talking about that because that's a new talking point, of course, that college is a human right.
I'm sure you've heard this, Mahmoud.
I have heard this.
This is a very popular idea back in my part of the world as well.
Really?
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Not for the ladies, I would imagine.
No, of course not.
No.
Come on.
All right.
Leading the news, of course, we have to address his former vice president, Joe Biden, officially announced his run for president.
Comes from USA Today.
The core values of this nation are outstanding in the world, are very democracy.
Everything that has made America, America is at stake, he said in a campaign video.
Announcing his running, he also launched his campaign, unveiling his new official slogan, Make America Grope Again.
So he seems pretty, yeah.
Should be noted, he's running on the platform of rebuilding the middle class, respecting, or at least earning respect for leadership on the world stage, and pedophilia, so it's wrong.
It just smelled better!
Oh dear.
The funny thing about Biden, he's such a walking punchline.
I was working with Pantelis this morning, and we were going back and forth, it's like, you know something?
Every joke about Biden sounds like we've heard it before.
It's pretty much the case.
We've got nothing.
There's nothing else we can do.
I'm not familiar with the American system, but everybody runs for president?
Yes!
Yes, that's how it works.
That's a good read.
What are we up to now in the Democratic field?
817.
817.
All right.
As for the current president, he recently met with Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey.
Engadget reported this.
Twitter spokesman called it a constructive meeting where they discussed Twitter's commitment to protecting the health of the public conversation ahead of 2020 elections.
Of course, there were detractors.
Actually, our inside man at the White House snuck us this exclusive recording from the meeting.
OK, so censorship.
Frankly, I keep hearing that you're censoring people.
Right, with conservative opinions.
My opinions.
What's going on with that Jacqueline?
So this is a real challenge and something that we're trying to wrap our heads around.
Oh, color me surprised.
Coming from a guy who dresses like a post-apocalyptic lesbian who shops at Orvis.
We don't look at the speech itself.
We look at conduct.
We look at how... Listen, you banned a kid for tweeting that men are men and, frankly, women are women, okay?
Saw it as a violent threat.
If that's violent, okay, then I want to be with all the other criminals.
Whoa, whoa, that's not okay, Jessica.
Okay, that's not okay.
I've got many black friends, frankly.
The best blacks are my friends, actually.
You ever heard of Kanye?
Okay, Kanye from the West.
That's probably not going to happen.
Doesn't seem like it was as productive as initially reported.
No, but I like this tradition, you know?
This dates back to when President Clinton had the CEO of Geocities to the White House.
I remember that.
I like that they keep continuing it.
I've never rooted for Trump to actually grab someone by the p***y, but if he strangled Jack, I would not be upset.
He would just be grabbing Jack.
Also, by the way, you're moving in and out of the microphone.
Pick a spot.
Pick a lane there, Brodigan.
Also, this week, the snot otter was named Pennsylvania's official amphibian.
This comes from Yahoo.
The maternal animal is also known as the lasagna lizard and the mud devil.
This comes not only with amphibians, but animals, the state animals, runner-up for the state's animal honor was the pussy platypus, the ball sweat swan, and bear with the regular anal discharge.
So they actually went with a good choice.
Mahmoud, how fast can you get Sharia law to actually take over America?
You have a phone?
You have an iPhone?
I'm Google Imaging the Pennsylvania snot otter.
Oh, really?
I Google Image searched it.
It's just pictures of Ben Roethlisberger.
Hey, this was interesting as well.
A high school student was criminally charged for ranking girls in his class on Twitter.
I want to make sure I get this right.
Meros Nasser Sharifi was charged with telecommunications harassment and could face discipline by the district for his Twitter account, quote-unquote, girls ranked.
So the main whistleblower actually in this story still remains anonymous, though classmates strongly suspect 1.4 rated bulldog Karen.
I think I dated her.
You guys, you guys mock us for face covering.
Who's laughing now?
I see.
This, of course, by the way, is not the first time that Nasser Sharifi has gotten into the hot water for misogyny.
Who can forget his previous headline grabbing debacle?
You probably remember this infamous hit it or quit it app.
Hit it.
Hit it.
Oh, definitely hit it hard multiple times.
Quit it.
I had that one on all my iPhones.
Did you really?
Yes.
It's horrible.
It's like the grinder for terrorists.
Pretty good.
My biggest issue with this isn't the entire point of going to high school to grade your peers.
Yeah, like, congratulations, you found a boy.
I think usually that should be taking place at the hands of a teacher.
I say the death penalty is what I say.
I wasn't paying attention.
What did he do?
I mean, my opinion does not change.
I say.
We were just talking about school, the role of school we thought was to grade your peers, yeah.
Oh, yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
I was not much for the book learning.
No, you were big on just on the death penalty, on the book burning.
In entertainment news, Hollywood actresses like to use, apparently, safe words when intimate scenes get to be too much.
This comes from the Mirror Some even have them written into their contracts words like pineapple, sweet potato, and mayonnaise, though it should be noted they stopped using mayonnaise when Harvey Weinstein confused it for a stage direction.
That poor fern.
Finally, there's this video of the Easter Bunny getting into a street fight.
I think we have an initial clip that was going viral.
Now, initially the viral video was completely silent, but we've uncovered this exclusive leak that now includes the original audio.
What's going on?
You guys cut it out. There's no need to... Come on, stop.
No, get off of him. Get off of him, you guys. It's Easter.
It's a celebration.
One star, one star, one star.
You trying to trip me, huh? Huh? Boom!
Boom, boom, boom, boom. You f***ed up. Want to Easter egg hunt, huh?
Easter Bunny, go f*** him up.
Boom, I found it. Here's your prize. You went down like a b***h.
I got it. I got it.
You went down like a b***h.
Guys, what's going on?
Hey, officer.
You just get your ass laid out by the Easter Bunny?
Just here, uh, helping the kids.
Demonetized, Greg.
I'm surprised you took any pleasure in that, Mahmoud.
I'm not into the Pennsylvania snot otter, but I am all about the Florida assault rodent.
Count me in.
Oh my goodness.
I think in Florida, all rodents are assault rodents.
I think so.
Everything can eat you.
I hate Florida.
I don't know why anyone likes it.
I know the New Yorkers, your people, they go there all the time.
When you have gators that are just, they're around, they're like squirrels.
The state sees this to be valuable to me!
Time to move, time to move.
But I mean, in my people's defense, they go there to escape New York City taxes, where they then vote for politicians who raise their taxes.
I don't think that's at all an accurate sequence of events.
I pretty much think they move to Florida and die.
I was gonna say, trust me, it beats Kirkuk.
There's a little inside baseball here?
You've not been to Kirkuk?
I don't know.
Well, see, I feel like Kirkuk... Is it the same as a state?
No, it's a city, but imagine if LaGuardia Airport was a mountain.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
So, Orlando.
Okay, by the way, last week's Loud Earth Criteria Contest winner is actually Samuel Bravo at Real Samuel Bravo.
He correctly identified Captain America as a superhero when Super Gay.
You will get a free, I don't know, t-shirt, mug, Biden hair puppet, I have no idea.
And of course, thank you to our sponsor, Saudi Prince Mahmoud bin Salman.
Generous contribution, appreciate it, and it will affect the editorial process in no way whatsoever on this show.
Okay, let's move on to this meat segment here.
Should you go to college?
Should you go and is it a right?
Democrats have been floating this idea that student debt forgiveness is now apparently it's the fulcrum for a lot of these people and free college overall in case you doubt me.
We've got to induce states to carry more of the burden instead of continuing to pass it on to students.
Students are getting squeezed.
The student loan pandering right now, it's predicated on the idea that college is a necessity.
And then the left says that because college is a necessity, it's a right.
And if it's a right, then the government has to provide it for free, of course.
There's that wording.
Here's the thing.
It's not a right.
colleges and universities. That should be a right of all Americans regardless of
the income of their families. There's that wording. Here's the thing, it's not a
right and I'll argue it's not even a necessity. There are, let me go through a
There are other options.
We always hear about this.
We hear about the salaries of people with college degrees versus people who don't have college degrees.
And yeah, listen, on its face, of course, people with college degrees make, on average, more.
But just like the gender wage gap number, you have to look into it a little bit deeper.
Why don't we talk about trade schools?
Job placement from people graduating trade schools?
Nearly a hundred percent.
The average college is half.
That's almost half that.
That's half one hundred.
Fifty!
Starting salaries, by the way, are much higher.
Those are just the starting salaries that you're seeing.
They only continue to go up as opposed to the gender studies major who keeps getting my coffee wrong.
By the way, we have a surplus right now of over 7 million jobs.
This is one thing that people don't understand.
When we talk about a market economy, people are paying more.
If there are more available jobs and there are fewer layoffs than there have been in decades, that means that people have to incentivize you to come and work for them.
They tend to pay more, hence why wages have gone up.
And here's something else, too.
How many small business owners, independent contractors, have college degrees?
30% of business owners have no college degree whatsoever.
Of the ones who do, only 61% believe that a college education was important for success in today's economy.
Compare that with 97% of the general non-business-owning populace.
I think that's important for people to know.
Yeah, and also, you know, you have some cases, like for what I do now, it didn't exist when I was in college, so my degree is completely useless.
Right.
And I remember when I was first trying to figure out what I wanted to do, Arthur C. Brooks has a book called Gross National Happiness.
And he brought up how networking is more important than your degree.
Did you do a lot of networking there, Mahmoud?
No, I didn't go to college.
I was a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks.
Right.
Which is actually just a room we have where people hit you.
Right, with rocks.
Yes.
Yes, you've heard of it.
It's Hard Knocks.
Yeah, commonly known as the School of Soraya M.
Yes.
Mahmoud, do more regional research just into where you're from.
I'm very focused on my work, you know.
But this is one thing, though, too, that we hear this.
And Aaron Sorkin has talked about this.
He says, you know, I want people running the government who are only the most brilliant PhDs running.
Well, hold on a second.
Why do we look down at business owners who actually create products, services, goods that generate billions of dollars for the United States economy?
I mean, I actually have no idea what percentage would be small business owners versus medium business owners.
I haven't looked this up.
Why don't we talk to... Are they not intellectual because, God forbid, their ideas actually have to work in the real world?
Thomas Sowell has talked about this.
The only place where your ideas don't actually matter, don't have to work out, is in academia.
Right.
If you're a civil, if you're an engineer, it better work or somebody's going to die.
If you're a business owner, it better work or people are going to lose their job.
That's a good point.
If your theories, your ideas don't work, you just hide out in a college and tell kids that they would if Marx would have been practiced properly.
By the way, hit the notification bell.
Join up at MugClub.
Lotofscriber.com slash MugClub because apparently subscriptions don't mean a whole lot.
We'll get into more of that later.
And subscribe on iTunes for the audio version.
Here's another point.
All majors aren't created equal.
This would be a different conversation, I would say, if any of the Democratic candidates, if any of them right now were saying, OK, listen, we need to create incentives for advanced science degrees or fields which require specialized education.
Obviously, we're not going to be subsidizing four years of Afro lesbian centric studies.
No!
They just want total student loan forgiveness, free school.
They never mention majors.
Different degrees pay differently.
Good example, engineering finance.
They pay more money, so the debt gets paid off more quickly.
Are you doing what you had studied there, Mahmoud?
You know, I wanted to paint.
And I might get back to it.
I'm not sure.
But this all makes sense to me, honestly.
I feel like welding.
Welding.
A good job, you know.
People need welders.
People need cages.
Yes.
Market.
Supply.
Demand.
It's the invisible hand that burns one alive.
Here's the thing, they just lump all education... A little Adam Smith humor for you.
I like it, I like it.
I think I got it.
I got that one.
Wait, you wait till I get to the section on Hayek.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna like that.
Just for us, not for the guy who had two glasses of bourbon beforehand.
I think he's watching Pro Wrestling on his phone.
They lump all education from specialized civil engineering All the way to feminist German poetry is equally valid.
And here's the thing, I'll tell you what, there's a reason for that.
It may not make sense on its surface, and that's because the DNC, Harris, Warren, Bernie, they want you steeped in far-left academia.
People talk about these numbers a lot, but let me just put them in context.
Liberal college professors outnumber conservatives 12 to 1.
39% of colleges have no conservative professors at all.
Let's just round it up.
Basically, 40% of schools have not a single conservative professor.
And a significant portion of students, not even a plurality, a majority, say that the climate on college campuses is hostile to free speech.
And a lot of the top-tier universities are actually the worst about this.
People are going to Harvard today to take classes in Beyonce studies and queer fat activism.
But I repeat myself!
These are real things!
And by the way, even though there's a lot of status attached to Ivy League schools, the actual quality of education is often pretty crappy, since many of them have now placed a premium on leftist indoctrination over actual education.
It's only a matter of time before I think people realize how dumb some of the students are being turned out of these schools.
And again, it's just this idea, this intellectual elitism, that if you go to a trade school, if you go to a community college, you somehow must be a dummy, or if you start a business that employs 20, 30, 40 people, you're an idiot who needs to sit at the feet of intelligentsia.
I just don't agree with it.
Here's another point.
You don't have to go to the most expensive school.
This is what everyone thinks that you get into.
You don't have to do it.
Americans are more strapped by student debt in 2018 than ever before.
So why are students being put in such awful situations?
More people, more students are going to school.
If you build it, they will come.
And when you provide them with student loans for all, it's no surprise that you can charge more for your college education.
You don't need, this is one thing, does that not seem backwards?
You don't need to take out as many student loans as you possibly can.
You can get a quality education without spending that much.
For some reason, kids out there now, they think that they have to apply to highest tier schools, to use that term, and then they have to go to the top one they get into, regardless of cost.
The truth is most students have no idea what they want to do.
20-50% of them enter schools undecided, then most end up changing their major completely.
Yeah, I know in my case, I didn't know what I wanted to do fresh out of high school, so I went to community college, and I only paid a grand a semester, as opposed to 20.
I'm also not in massive debt right now.
Right?
Correct.
Same way.
I did the same thing.
I didn't know what I wanted.
And look at Brodigan.
You, too.
You, too, can be Brodigan.
Right, Mahmood?
Yes, I agree.
Plus, I think a lot of the kids, you know, they have the lazy rivers at the college, and they have the climbing wall, and the ice cream Yeah, I think you have a very ill-conceived notion of American college.
And they have the golden walkaways.
Which part of this is wrong?
No, it's mainly just nanny ice and a butt chug.
Yeah, and let's be honest, people say they go to college for the college experience.
I did my fair share of Ivy League drinking at a community college.
You don't need to pay that much.
No, you really don't.
You don't have to go there to drink there.
It's glorified alcoholism, but your folks don't partake at all in the...
No, they do yogurt pong.
Have you played?
No.
I doubt it.
It's like beer pong, but with yogurt.
I hear John Stamos is world champion.
Also that terrorist family from Iowa.
I'm kidding, don't sue us please.
Which one was it that was a terrorist yogurt company?
That wasn't an actual terrorist yogurt company, let me be clear!
It kind of might have been a terrorist yogurt company.
There was a terrorist yogurt company?
No there was not!
The idea that college is a necessity, I'm trying to move on from this.
It's patently false, and it serves as the foundation for the lie that college is a human right.
Here's the thing.
If your dream is to go into a specialized field that requires advanced schooling, yeah, a good university might be a decent investment.
But if you don't know what you want to do, or if you're going to find yourself, whatever the hell that means, because you watched Eat, Pray, Love once, or you're going for the college experience, You're better off going to a trade school or a community college until you get your crap straight.
Here's an idea.
I'm going to say something here that might be wildly unpopular with our largely millennial male audience.
Uh-oh.
Diametric opposition to Bernie, Warren, Harris, the rest.
If you don't know what you want to do with your life, how about you go to work and start paying taxes instead of taking mine?
There's a novel idea.
It's not a right.
You don't deserve it.
You don't need it.
And I could hurt you.
We'll have Brian Callen after this.
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And now for Barely Legal with Bill Richmond.
Sponsored by Mug Club.
Hi, I'm half-Asian lawyer Bill Richman for Louder With Crowder, here with some education and tips on the terms we use in the legal world.
Our question today comes from Dan McGovern in that hellhole known as East St.
Louis, Illinois.
Dan's question is, what is the deal with the court names like Supreme Court, Circuit Court, District Court, and Justice Court, and who in the s*** is in charge of who gets to be a judge in each one of those?
Well, Dan, we're going to split this one up into two parts and deal first with the courts themselves.
Most of you have heard about a Supreme Court, which is the final appellate courts in both our federal and state systems.
At the very top in the federal system, above all the courts, is the United States Supreme Court.
You can end up here whether you start in a state court or a federal court.
It is the true court of last resort for judicial relief.
Now, secondly, most states also have a Supreme Court that is the highest court.
Stay tuned for more barely legal with half-asian lawyer bill richmond
But is a contractor I went to where he works, and these dudes were working.
They were building a house.
And I saw this guy digging, this thick dude.
I noticed him.
He was about 5'4", about 5 feet wide.
Looked like a human fist.
He had no points.
I'm pointy.
He had no points.
Just blunt.
And he was pulling up huge chunks of the earth.
And I know digging.
I had to bury my dog once.
But I know how hard that is.
And so I'm admiring the power in this dude.
And I said to my buddy, I go, what is he digging, man?
And my buddy, who's his boss, goes, a pool.
I was like, I can go like that in?
He goes, oh yeah, man, he'll do it in an afternoon.
I was like, it's not possible.
He goes, it's not.
It's not possible.
But for him it is.
I don't know why he's saying you're an Eminem.
It doesn't mean a whole lot to me, that song.
It's beyond the realm of abstract, almost into, you would say, the corner of absurdist.
I don't know what they consider this with techno and what Pogo thinks.
We should get him on the show to talk about it.
We should.
I am very excited to have our next guest on.
Yes.
I'm supposed to say- Huge fan.
I'm also supposed to pronounce it supposed, but I always get it wrong.
Also, solace, I usually get wrong as a Canadian, but I've been a fan of his for a long time.
You've heard me say, as far as just standup, two of the funniest standups I think ever on earth are Nick DiPaolo and Norm Macdonald.
As far as overall being one of the funniest people alive, not just standup, but also sketches, storytelling, podcasts, Thank you for having me, my friend.
It's good to be here.
everywhere, Fighter and the Kid. You've seen him on Schooled, which is a spin-off of the
Goldbergs, as Coach Meller. You've seen him in The Hangover, and his newest special, Complicated
Apes, is available on iTunes, Amazon, Google Play. Mr.
Brian Callen, thank you for being here, sir.
Thank you for having me, my friend. It's good to be here. I love, I've been a fan, so it's
good to be here.
Don't say it.
And I like the way you were dancing with just your shoulder.
You were just moving your shoulder up and down.
It was doing a little bit of a Floyd Mayweather shoulder roll, like, what's up, bitch?
What's up, bitch?
I'm coming with the uppercut.
I move from the hips, but whatever.
Right, well, I know you have powerful hips.
Little known fact, I don't know if you've, I know that you've done wrestling in your lifetime.
The Floyd Mayweather style of fighting with the shoulder roll, it only works if you're five foot two.
Because when I tried it, the glove here did not cover my entire dome.
I found out, it's not the same thing.
I do a little boxing.
I try to do it every week, and I was trying to quote-unquote perfect the Philly show, and I got punched in the face enough times where I became dizzy, where I was getting foggy brain.
I even said to Brennan Sharma, I said, hey, I'm forgetting things.
And Brennan said, well, stop sparring because you're an actor at 52, and you shouldn't be sparring because that's ridiculous.
And then Joe gave you some DMT and all is well with the world, I assume.
That did take away my fear of death, so now I sleep.
You saw the clockwork, elves!
By the way, I'm not entirely sure that what we just described is hard data.
More anecdotal.
So the shoulder roll may work for you.
Right now you're everywhere.
You have your podcast, Schooled.
I've been a huge fan of the Goldbergs for a long time.
I haven't watched as much of Schooled because I've been very busy lately.
And your latest stand-up special.
I don't want to get you in trouble because we have a lot of people on the show who are obviously more centrist, more moderate, and people assume that they're a right-wing neo-Nazi just for appearing on here.
Yeah.
But I know in your special, you've talked about how kind of radicalized people have become in many ways, particularly the far left in relation to comedy and free speech.
Are you worried about being drummed out of the core for even talking about that?
No, I don't worry about that.
I just worry about telling the truth as I see it.
And I think I'm worried that it's very easy.
It's very easy to fall into This binary trap that most of us fall into as human beings.
We are, I think, probably programmed to break into us versus them.
We versus they.
You know, those guys over there are wrong and we're right.
There's a binary.
Look at how we break these things into teams.
You guys are gun nuts.
Well, you're pussies.
You know, you believe in universal health care.
You must be a socialist.
You know, we brand these.
And I think Americans have a very tough time being both things.
I think it's possible.
This is going to sound radical.
I think it's possible to be pro law and order pro cop and also also not want innocent black people to be shot.
I think it's possible to kind of be on both of those spectrums.
And I also think That it's a good thing sometimes to use words like, I don't know, maybe, it depends.
These are complicated issues.
And the more I read about them, I do think it's important to have a philosophical bedrock you can moor into when the wind starts blowing.
Yes.
Which is why I believe in the Constitution and why I believe in individual liberty and why I believe in all these principles that, in my opinion, not only founded this country and solved the political problem, The Founding Fathers solved, in many ways, the political problem.
Aristotle couldn't do it.
Socrates couldn't do it.
No one else could do it.
Not that smug **** Plato.
He said, Socrates didn't take notes.
I'm going to be taking minutes.
And Socrates is like, would you shut the hell up, Plato?
Well, Plato's Republic is basically, if you look at it, it's a caste system.
And it's, it's a lot.
I mean, Hitler wanted to essentially, uh, you know, he wanted to, the, the architecture of the third Reich was based on Plato's Republic, I'm pretty sure.
So the founding fathers came along and had enormous respect for the individual.
Now I know they owned a lot of human beings and slavery was, was well and good.
Although it wasn't well and good with a lot of them.
I mean, you look at, uh, I can't remember if it was George Washington or Jefferson who made it so that as he couldn't free his slaves while he was alive, it made it so that when he died, they would be free.
But I do think that they wrote extensively on that, and they were very aware of the contradiction in talking about all men are created equal.
And I think that's the most radical line of political philosophy, and I think we have to remember it.
When Thomas Jefferson said that we hold these truths to be self-evident, all men are created equal, That is a contract we have all entered into, because what we're actually saying is a religious idea, which is we are all of the same moral worth.
You can't prove biologically or mathematically that we're all equal.
Just look at Floyd Mayweather.
Yes, or I always do.
I talk about how LeBron James is my chocolate avatar.
There's nothing equal about us.
But we all believe that at the end of the day, you don't know where I'm smart, where I'm strong, where I'm courageous.
So best to treat me like an individual and treat me like I'm worth a lot.
That's why our justice system is predicated on the idea that if I kill a wretch on the street, or I kill Bill Gates, Technically, I'm supposed to do the same amount of time because it's a human life.
Right.
And it's not up to us to judge what that life is worth.
I gotta say, you talk about both sides.
Now, people can be both.
Everything I'm hearing here would get you drummed out of the core from the left, saying, the Founding Fathers figured out a problem.
I know about slavery.
But people, they would go, well, racism!
The Founding Fathers were racist white males.
Brian, not doing yourself favors if they're watching.
So what they do, so what you do when you do that, when you say, when you stop me and you say, you racist white males, is now you have turned those people into nouns.
You have given them, you've labeled them, and you've fixed them in a category, in a very strong category.
Meaning, that now I guess since they're straight white males and they're racist, that they are disqualified!
And that they have zero contribution to anything else.
So, so I suppose then we could go into the fact that Mohandas K. Gandhi took baths with young women, and that that that erases his entire legacy.
Martin Luther King apparently cheated and beat his wife.
That erases his entire legacy.
Well, no!
That was an aspect of the man.
And I think, again, we have to... human beings are verbs.
That's why I talked about my special being complicated apes.
We are complicated apes.
Sinners, saints, everything in between.
Multi-layered, multi-dimensional.
And full of potential.
Human beings are... I mean, look, you are what you are now, and you are also what you could be.
And we forget that.
And we have to treat each other that way.
You're getting very much back into the realm of Socrates.
And we've talked about this when we do the Change My Mind and talk about abortion.
This is a question that I get to.
I go, hold on a second.
What is a human life?
You're getting into this idea of the essence of humanhood, the essence of a human being.
This is some pretty deep stuff.
And can I say something?
I don't want this to be a sore spot, but I remember one time when you were on Joe Show, good friend Joe Rogan, love Joe Rogan, but I remember at one point someone said like, Brian, you know, you could just reach deeper with your standup.
Because some people see your standup as silly.
I don't see it that way.
What I'm hearing right now is the processing of unbelievably deep nuanced philosophical issues, and then I see it performed in standup in a way that allows people, other people, who maybe aren't as intelligent as yourself, to process it.
And I've always said, no, I remember watching it go, no, don't change yourself, Brian!
We love you!
We love you!
We love you.
Well, I appreciate that because certainly in this last special, that's what I try to do.
There are bad ideas out there.
And one of those bad ideas is socialism.
And what I mean by that is, and by the way, it doesn't mean I'm against all government interference, but I worry that when- Do you use roads, Brian?
Do you use roads?
Do you have running water?
Well, then you're a socialist!
Exactly.
Exactly.
So I'm not saying we don't need a taxation system.
I'm not saying you don't need a federal government.
My God, you do.
The question is, to what degree?
And rather than have these conversations of whether or not I'm a Republican or a Democrat or I'm a socialist or a free market capitalist, I'd rather say, to what degree do you think a large central authority Uh, should have control over your life.
I mean, how much of your money?
I already paid 51%.
51% of my money goes to a state and federal government.
That's because you live in a state that Donald Trump would refer to as a shithole.
Well, and if that's the case, if I have to give, so 51% of my day is spent working for someone else.
I have accepted that.
I get it.
Maybe that makes sense.
I don't know what the percentage should be.
But I'd rather talk in those terms, but I don't know why.
The far left is so, they're not creative thinkers.
I don't think someone like OAC or Bernie Sanders never had a real job, by the way.
I don't think this is a creative, thoughtful guy.
I don't.
Nobody talks about this.
His one answer is tax the rich.
Right.
Oh really?
So punish people that produce, punish people that are productive.
And by the way, I guess Bernie Sanders and his philosopher kings, like Ocasio-Cortez, I guess they seem to know more about what to do with that money than Apple does.
Apple spends $10 billion a year on research and development.
I think they have a better understanding of what to do with their money to create a better product for all of us.
And by the way, they might be very wealthy because they produced a product that we all use and buy.
By the way, also, they're much more charitable.
2.6% to charity, Bernie.
I mean, it really is ironic.
The evil pharmaceutical companies give away more and they want to argue it's for a tax write-off?
Fine!
But Bernie, you buy a matcha latte at Starbucks and make sure that you have an app that rounds down the tip to 18!
Look, and by the way, SmithKline and whatever- GlaxoSmithKline.
Look, there are issues with Big Pharma, but let's please not forget that Hep C is now a curable disease.
We just used CRISPR-Cas9, when I say we, me and my medical team here, but CRISPR-Cas9, I believe, to cure eight boys who had that disease, that boy-in-the-bubble disease.
Could you imagine how pissed you'd be if you went in for plasma replacement therapy and they accidentally gave you that virus?
You're like, I thought it was my own platelets!
and re-injected it with a certain gene that gave these kids immune systems.
What?
What?
And they're doing it with leukemia.
So, you know, these deep forms- Could you imagine how pissed you'd be
if you went in for plasma replacement therapy and they accidentally gave you that virus?
You're like, I thought it was my own platelets.
No, it's AIDS.
No!
No!
But at least some boys have immune systems.
If I gotta get AIDS for that, that's fine.
Yeah, but we are doing amazing things with the pharmaceutical companies.
They may have their liabilities and may be evil in one way or another.
They're saving a lot of lives, from what I have read from a very liberal slant of media.
Again, this is where we kind of lose sight of how important research and development is and how important the free
market can be with checks and balances, but how important they can be in
moving things forward because there is a profit motive and a profit motive is not
necessarily a bad thing.
It's kind of the way human beings behave.
Right.
And so I worry very much that there is a lack of creativity and creative thinking on the left.
It seems to me... I'm trying to be fair.
I'm trying to be fair because I do think they have some good ideas.
Can I ask you a question?
Because this is a criticism we hear lobbed at the right very often, right?
And I've heard it myself.
And recently, I think it was Slater Salon did a hit piece on Joe Rogan.
They've done it on Nick DiPaolo now.
And of course, Dennis Miller, where they say, well, people, conservatives can't be funny.
There are no funny.
All comedians are liberals.
And of course, the industry, I think a lot of times you're talking about compassionate people who are emotional.
creative thinking on the left, then why do you think the industry, and particularly the most
visible comedians, are not just... they're not kind of left.
They are dyed-in-the-wool leftists.
Do you think that's a byproduct of the industry and the gatekeepers?
I think a lot of times you're talking about compassionate people who are emotional.
And I think that the narrative is...
is it's.
See, it all really depends on who controls the narrative and who's able to paint the best picture.
And I think that the scientific community, I think the I think a lot of conservatives are pretty stodgy and and not very personable, maybe.
And a lot of your artists have probably I'm not I'm not a clinical psychologist, but I would imagine artists probably tend to be able to empathize and And probably put themselves in the place of someone who is different than theirs.
I mean, that's what great novelists are able to do.
And it probably is.
And you need these people and you need the left.
I don't buy into the fact that you don't need opposing forces.
I worry when they're not listening to each other.
I worry when we're not having idea sex.
I don't think that Ocasio-Cortez is a bad person.
I really don't.
I don't think that Bernie Sanders is a bad person.
I happen to fundamentally disagree with them on a philosophical basis.
It doesn't mean I want them put in jail and destroyed.
I just don't agree with them.
And I'd love to have a conversation to find a way to be creative with our thinking to solve problems that actually matter.
Problems like I don't want screen shooters out there. Okay, right. I don't want I want more research and development. I
want Maybe a sensible tax law blah blah blah. I want a clean
environment Is there a way we can put our heads together the way Google
or Pixar does and?
And and and solve these problems with let's just have an idea orgy and and
And that's what the Founding Fathers did.
They sat around on a very hot July and just dueled it out with their brains and they didn't agree with each other.
But they just, they had spirited debate and civility.
And that's what George Washington...
Sometimes it got pretty angry, but that's because they had just switched from tea to coffee.
They weren't exactly used to it at that point.
point. They throw the key away.
Yes, and some things are worth fighting for. Some things are worth fighting for. You define
yourself along the lines of which you're willing to fight for.
Well, I want to keep this going because surprise out there, this is a pre-tape because he's in Los Angeles and has other shows to do.
We're going to keep you around for a web-extended version for those who are exclusive Mug Club members.
Of course, it is Brian Callen on Twitter.
The special is Complicated Apes.
Stay tuned.
We'll wrap this up.
everyone else go to my club join my club at lauderwithcotter.com
slash my club so we can continue to employ sweatshop Bangladeshi children animators
And now for Barely Legal with Bill Richmond, sponsored by MugClub.
Massachusetts though, those oddballs, call it the Supreme Judicial Court.
But even more strangely, New York calls their highest court the Court of Appeals.
In New York, the Supreme Court is actually the lowest level court, the one you see on Law & Order.
It's the crunch-wrapped supreme of courts in New York.
Lots going on, but not really any authority.
Some states, though, have two highest courts.
One for civil and one for criminal.
That's probably the one you're most familiar with, Dan, over there in East St.
Louis.
For example, in Texas and Oklahoma, you'll have a court of criminal appeals and a Supreme Court.
One does civil, one does criminal.
Now, on our next level down, we have the intermediate appellate courts.
At federal, that's circuit courts.
In other states, it's generally called a court of appeal.
And below that, we have trial or specialty courts.
In federal court, that's called the district court.
In the states, that's superior court, district court, county court, county court of law, family court, probate court, municipal court, justice court.
There's a lot of courts.
I'll answer the second portion of your question next week, though it did occur to me that since you're a white guy who chooses to live in East St.
Louis, you're probably already dead.
This has been Barely Legal with Bill Richmond.
Sponsored by Mug Club.
Don't forget to stop by LotterwithCrottershop.com to get your goodies, like this new exclusive half-Asian lawyer Bill Richmond Kraken poster.
Nifty stuff.
One live read of the week.
Of course, we want to take this opportunity to thank our wonderful sponsor, Walther Firearms.
I mean, I don't really need to do much of a pitch.
These things, they practically sell themselves.
They're cool.
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What else do you need to know?
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Just try it.
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And of course, Mug Club is always available if you would like to join And what better to put in your mug than a delicious Herbalite shake?
I'm not sure, but I'm... Yeah, hit me up for the details.
This is very berry.
Is it Herbalite?
Yeah, that's kind of a pyramid scheme, isn't it?
It's more of a triangle, Stephen.
Is it?
Alright, well that's just upside down.
That's certainly liquid.
Call me today to get your...
Your shake.
I don't even know why you're still here.
How do you ship it?
This is my side hustle, Steven.
We're short on cash.
We need some help.
We're saving up some money for uniforms.
Oh, yeah.
Don't buy the herbal light.
No, it's tasty.
It tastes good.
It's poison.
It's like if you made Nestle Quick with a placenta.
This is a test.
I'm going to do it.
It's going to be a test.
I'm going to do it.
That was called the surprisingly strong riptide drowning dance.
It took you all the way away.
And I wanted to see if Quarterblack Eric could carry this all by himself.
Good job.
Good for you.
Very proud of you.
Thank you so much to Brian Callen.
Go see the exclusive extended web interview at Mug Club for those who have not yet joined.
So if I can...
Let me grab... not let me grab, you can leave whenever you want.
Yeah, I mean, technically.
Let me request, if I can have a minute of your time here.
I know that you hear a lot about shadow banning, demonetization, there are a lot of chicken littles out there.
But I do want to at least inform you, in case this channel goes away, For good, as to why.
And as to just how easily possible it could be for us to be gone from YouTube tomorrow.
We've received what could potentially be three hard strikes, we have a screenshot here, for one parody video.
The Dr. Trump music video that we did in the span of a week.
And unless we come to terms with YouTube and the corporate overlords, YouTube rules say that three strikes gets your channel removed.
Now, I want to be clear, I'm not exactly sure in this instance if it counts as three strikes or just one, since we used this same video three times in a commercial break.
We have half-Asian lawyer Bill Richman attempting to establish communication with them.
I don't know exactly.
Hopefully we can work it out.
I want to make clear here, this is completely a parody under the umbrella of Fair Use.
We have some B-roll here where we can show you where we actually created the track from the ground up.
We have a project file that you guys can see.
We went and we created this entire music video from scratch.
This wasn't just, we didn't just take a karaoke track.
And by the way, it has to be comparable enough to the original to be a parody.
There are channels that subsist on parodies alone.
And right here, you can actually see an example of Jimmy Fallon did a Bernie parody, Old Town Road, side-by-side with ours.
Look, they have a $30 million operating budget, and ours is you, Mug Club.
So I want to be clear, this might not be an exact example of an instance here of anti-conservative bias, okay?
But when you pair it with disproportional targeting of the rest of our content for being, quote, what they term now, on the border, and the issues with notifications that have been happening, the demonetization specifically targeting our opinions as unpopular speech, at least in Silicon Valley, when you take the culmination, it renders us unable to create a show for you, and if it keeps going this way, the channel will cease to exist.
Now, what we do here is very different.
As is our relationship with corporate censorship.
Take for example, let me give you an example, a pure comedy channel out there that only does the occasional parody.
Yeah, you know, this kind of thing would hurt them, it would suck, wouldn't be debilitating.
Take more conservative leading channels that maybe they've seen some radical demonetization based on a point of view.
We know that happens quite a bit.
But one that doesn't do comedy.
It'd be hard.
But they can find other ways to generate revenue.
Let's think of a channel that has 50 million subscribers and they find out that their notifications, like ours, are broken, or that YouTube changed an algorithm to throttle their organic search views or related content views.
It would suck, not be crippling.
But we experience all of that, and we experience it daily, and even more, the rules keep changing.
YouTube claims that there isn't an anti-conservative bias, that they want to have conservatives on the platform, but that they want to encourage a healthy discussion.
Okay, I want to take that at face value.
But they demonetize and restrict the Change My Mind videos.
Genuinely, here's a question to you.
This isn't a victim complex.
We're trying to play by the rules.
Let me ask you something.
If a conservative cannot create a long form, unedited, no profanity, civil dialogue segment like Change My Mind without being punished, how can conservatives create content for YouTube?
What content could possibly be acceptable?
I'm trying to figure it out.
And it's been a tiring week.
And this is why MugClub is more important than ever.
You can join up at lodowithcrader.com slash MugClub, support the show.
You get access to the full daily show, not broadcast on YouTube.
You get this wonderful girthy hand etched mug and the entire Blaze TV catalog and lineup.
And it'll allow us to continue to create this kind of content regardless of monetization on YouTube.
And equally important, it allows us to fight legally to change these draconian rules Which hurt not just us, and not just conservatives, but independent creators.
And it's also what allows us to continue to change people's minds on YouTube, by allowing us to throw caution to the wind on monetization and uploading anyway.
We don't care if we're monetized or not, because we're monetized by you!
That's how we have a parody that's better than a $30 million operating budget.
No offense to Jimmy Fallon, but that sucked!
And right now, by the way, for the next 24 hours, we're offering $20 off to anyone who joins.
Just enter in the promo code at loudmouthcare.com.
The promo code, I think, is 20 for everyone.
Number 20 for everyone.
Or, listen, this is the alternative.
If you don't join up, this show as you know it, we'd no longer be able to produce it.
We've reached a crossroad and less people join Mug Club.
We can't do this show, these segments, on YouTube or any platform.
Sure, listen, I could lay off the 15 people, staff and crew, and just talk into a camera without any sketches, any parody, satire, on-location videos, change my mind, or even so much as ever addressing a controversial issue.
I could do that.
But that's not the show that this crew has worked so hard to create for you.
And you've made it clear that it's not the show that you want from us.
And you've made it clear not just to us, but to YouTube.
And that's equally important.
That's probably more important.
You've made it clear to YouTube that this is the content you want.
And it's not a violation of any rules.
That's not what we set out to do.
And I know people often say, we hear this a lot, like, well, why don't you just upload your stuff to BitChute or insert any other streaming site of the day here?
And we can, and sometimes we do, as a safety.
But it doesn't help us in any way create content going forward.
That's like telling someone whose consumer electronics were banned from stores, well, you can just give it away at a flea market.
We could.
The only way this continues, right now we're standing on the barrel of three
potential copyright strikes. Hopefully half Asian lawyer does what half Asian lawyer does,
but you can help by joining up at Mug Club. We created it deliberately, by the way,
to not be a Patreon or PayPal or GoFundMe. A lot of people have said, well, why don't you do Patreon?
When all of the conservatives were doing that, we pointed out, it's just rattling a tin cup on
another big tech platform and they can give you the boot.
And as we've seen, now they are giving many conservative voices the shaft. Mug Club is something.
something that we created to be completely independent, totally immune to the censorship
and I'll say it, deceptive trade practices that you see from big tech.
We've partnered with dozens of other conservative voices so we can hopefully make it financially
viable for decades to come.
I know some of you have been on the fence and $7 a month is not nothing.
I get it.
But also, it's been a worrisome time for everyone involved here at this show.
When you wake up and find out, oh crap, three heart strikes, our channel could be gone within 10 days.
And it's particularly accelerated in recent months after the Oscars live stream.
And you know what?
We all know here, we've all accepted that it's going to get worse.
I promise you this.
You join up at Mug Club.
You support us.
I, we, all of us here, will continue to create content for as long as humanly possible and continue to fight these rules and the oppressive corporate overlords until our coffers are completely empty.
For years, this channel's been up for years, we've done it exclusively because of you.
And going forward, we can't do it without you.
We appreciate the support.
Wanted to keep you updated.
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