Andrew Klavan reacts to anti-Christmas TikToks, dismissing critiques of December 25th’s pagan origins as irrelevant while mocking a woman’s slurred holiday hatred as "trauma-tainted." He ridicules Santa’s secrecy and suggests Christians replace "Merry Christmas" with a heavy-handed blessing—then backtracks. The episode ties his divisive humor to privacy concerns, promoting ExpressVPN to shield users from data brokers selling beliefs, even as he fuels online outrage. [Automatically generated summary]
All right, and there's ceaseless attempts to destroy me, destroy my soul, crush my brain, make my mind melt.
The staff has decided that I now have to watch TikTok videos of people who don't like Christmas.
Now, you may think, how could you not like Christmas?
What kind of small, Scrooge-like, twisted soul are you?
Well, I'm afraid we're about to find out.
So I haven't seen these before.
I'm just going to watch these videos and tell you what I think and then hopefully get a better job.
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All right, here we go.
After much conviction and revelation, my family and I have decided that we will no longer be celebrating Christmas.
Christmas is demonic and a pagan tradition.
And I know many of you might think, but it's Jesus' birthday.
How is it demonic?
Jesus was never born on December 25th.
He was never even born in December.
And before I get into the reasons why we are no longer celebrating, I just want you to know this was a little bit difficult for us because if anybody knows us, they know that we went all out on Christmas.
My grandma was a Christmas Eve baby, so it was like in her blood.
She would decorate, she would go all out.
We would have holiday parties.
I mean, I'm talking Christmas trees, real trees that we would decorate.
The whole house completely decorated in lights.
Figurines and statues and snowmen and cookies and all these things.
Like people knew us when it came to the holidays.
When it came to Christmas, obviously we didn't know what we were celebrating was demonic.
We didn't know the root of the holiday because back then we didn't have TikTok, we didn't have social media, we didn't have the knowledge that we do today.
Now they cut that one off because after that his head spins around 360 degrees and he crab walks across the ceiling.
If you feel you have more knowledge because the internet was invented, think again.
You know, what can I say?
You probably are less informed now than you have ever been in your entire life.
Boom.
Roasted.
There's nothing obviously demonic about Christmas.
And in fact, though we don't know for sure when Jesus was born, it is a calculation based on pretty good evidence from the Bible, but you know, it could be wrong.
But what difference does it make?
There are many people who think it's a pagan ritual that's been re-Christianized.
Now, a lot of people think that's not true.
And I don't know who has the right of it.
But what difference does it make?
One of the beauties of Christmas, one of the great things of the Christian religion, is that it Christianizes things that otherwise would be worthless.
It turns things into beauty and into godliness that otherwise were just pagan rituals.
So for instance, a Christmas tree, that was probably a pagan ritual, but now it's a Christmas ritual.
So why not?
Why not take the good things from other religions and use them to celebrate the true religion, the birth of Christ and the salvation of mankind, until you watch the internet and become that guy?
And then you're finished.
This is a joyless experience for me.
And I hope it's a joyless experience for you as well.
I'd hate to think that I'm going through this torment that I'm now going through and you're having a good time.
That would just be too much to bear.
So let's watch another one.
Let me be very f ⁇ ing clear when I say this.
I f ⁇ ing hate the holidays.
From Thanksgiving on, I f ⁇ ing hate them.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, all f ⁇ ing stupid.
I don't like the holidays.
And I will not keep that to myself until the actual Christmas season begins after Thanksgiving.
I will be very loud about it.
Keep your f ⁇ ing Christmas shit away because why the same people who want Christmas Halloween shit being out in like the end of August, beginning of September.
However, Christmas shit has been out since before Halloween shit, so go yourself.
So tell me you're the child of an alcoholic without telling me you're the child of an alcoholic.
Yeah, so it's important to this woman not only to hate Christmas and make herself miserable, but she wants to spread that.
It's the same way many of us want to spread Christmas cheer.
She's, you know, she's doing the same thing, except with ugliness and obscenity.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
I completely hate the holidays.
I will not keep that to myself.
I will be very loud about it.
Keep your Christmas shit away.
Go yourself.
That's, you know, it's almost the same thing.
Sheer, ugliness, obscenity.
It's hard to tell the difference between them if you are the adult child of an alcoholic who sounds, by the way she's slurring her words, like maybe she is joining in the family tradition.
See, the thing about alcoholics is they put a lot of energy and effort into making the holidays perfect.
Yes, I was a horrible person.
I said terrible things to you through the year, but christmas is going to be perfect, you're going to remember.
And then, of course, they get drunk and christmas is a misery.
And then poor children like this grow up and uh, you know, they hate the holidays because of this incredible tension of waiting for when it's all going to go bad.
And so i'm really happy that this woman, whose own life uh, was clearly, you know ruined, can spread that ruination.
How dare we speak merry christmas?
How dare we?
When you have the, when you have the christmas spirit, you want to spread the christmas spirit, and when you have that, you want to spread that.
And I guess uh, that's what she's doing and congratulations to her.
She's brought a little bit of grimness and cruelty and disappointment into all of our lives.
So, thanks so very much.
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Kringle Controversy00:03:32
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Slash Andrewclavin show.
It's time for words and phrases.
I hate Christmas Edition.
The first thing I hate is the word or name Kringle, Chris Kringle.
And while we're on the topic of Santa Clause, this guy who breaks into people's houses for a living has multiple aliases, Santa Claus, Saint Nick, Chris Kringle.
Father Christmas got a bunch of elves working for him.
Does he pay these elves or are they being held captive?
And where's he getting all the money for raw materials for these elves to make toys that he ends up giving away for free?
The whole thing is sus, and I don't like it.
Okay, he has a point, I think.
You know, these are the important things that we should be thinking about.
If, you know, we died last week and we have nothing to lose.
I think that, you know, if we have time to waste because we've now passed on into eternity, these are the things that we should be thinking about because we got nothing but time.
But he had a point about Kringle.
I think that, you know, the word Kringle-like, I could see it being a little bit irritating.
You know, it sounds a little bit like Kringle, but if Krinkle goes wrong, it becomes a Kringle.
So I can really, really see why you would waste, I don't know, 30 seconds of your life hating the word Kringle and hating Santa Claus and hating yourself probably because how could you not?
Boom.
Roasted.
But I'll give him the Kringle part.
That is kind of an irritating word.
All right, more.
Stop saying Merry Christmas.
Be more inclusive as a Christian and say this.
Merry Christmas can go either way.
And I hate to offend people.
So this whole last holiday season, I didn't let out one Merry Christmas.
That's true.
Instead, I said, may the birth of the one and only true God, Jesus Christ, bestow a blessing of grace and peace upon your household to the belittlement of every other false religion.
Lest you be gay.
That's what I say.
Amen.
And Merry Christmas to you.
Yeah, until now, I didn't even know that was a joke.
I thought that's what you were supposed to say.
Oh, yes, I should probably end this, too.
All right, that's it.
I hope we brought a little gloominess and unhappiness into your Christmas season.
I know we have brought some into mine.
And if I can spread that to you, I'll feel much better because why should you be happy?
If you're a small-souled, Grinch-like, Scrooge-like character, like and subscribe.