Andrew Clavin’s satirical takedown of Al Gore—now a "terminally insane" climate doomsayer in Watasaperstein—mockingly ties his Trump Tower meeting to past failed predictions (e.g., 2012 apocalypse claims) and profit-driven activism, while Ivanka Trump’s engagement is dismissed as naive. Clavin escalates to broader chaos: leftists obsessing over Steve Bannon’s theatrics, conservatives fretting over Trump’s erratic appointments like Ben Carson at HUD, and faithless electors like Christopher Suprin undermining democracy. He pivots to cultural absurdity, skewering modern feminism’s rewriting of Baby, It’s Cold Outside as coercive, contrasting it with Ray Charles’ original seductive charm—all while pitching radar-jamming sponsors as the ultimate escape from political and literal speed traps. [Automatically generated summary]
Ivanka Trump met with former Vice President Al Gore yesterday to discuss climate policy in the new administration.
As her train pulled into the little village of Watasaperstein, Ivanka got her first glimpse of the Gothic castle that housed Dr. Von Nudnick's home for the terminally insane.
The institution stood on a hilltop, silhouetted against a darkening sky, lit by occasional flashes of lightning that revealed its crumbling battlements and forbidding façade.
Its barred windows seemed to stare out at her, Ivanka thought, like the eyes of a man who has lost his soul.
Entering the village, the attractive blonde American found the cobbled streets strangely empty.
Now and then she thought she spied a villager peeking out at her from behind the curtains of a cottage, but whenever she turned to look, there was no one there.
Finally, spying a peasant pulling a cart, she approached him.
Excuse me, she said.
Where is everyone?
And why are you a peasant pulling a cart when it's 2016?
The peasant stared at her with eyes full of fear.
The people of Wadasaperstein do not come out of their houses this close to dark, he told her in a hushed voice, for there is no electricity to light our way.
I am a peasant and pull this cart because only our dark master is allowed to use oil in order to fly around the world in his private jet so that he can warn the people of the great cataclysm that is to come.
Then the fearful peasant scurried away.
Not knowing what else to do, the shapely blonde began walking into the rapidly darkening woods, ignoring the wild howling of mad dogs and environmentalists that began with the rising of the full moon.
When she reached the castle, she knocked on the enormous door made of sustainable wood, and it swung open with a loud, eerie creak because there was no oil to oil it with.
Ivanka stepped into the shadowy asylum, walking past one empty padded cell after another until she spied a lighted door at the end of a vaulted hallway.
There, in a room ablaze with electric light and kept comfortable by an elaborate air conditioning system, she found a wild-eyed man wearing nothing but a hotel towel.
They all think me mad, the man giggled, but 97% of the inmates of this asylum know that oil is black, and black makes the yellow sun dark so that the world will get too cold and too hot and too wet and too dry with hurricanes in the tropics and snowfall in winter and magic water pouring from the sky unless everyone panics and does expensive things that have no effect.
Here the man paused to grab a passing spider and devour it.
Excuse me, said Ivanka.
Are you Dr. Von Nudnick?
The man looked up with his lantern-like eyes and cried, Von Nudnik!
I murdered von Nudnik and set all his inmates free to live in fear in the village, for I am Al Gore.
Oh, great, said Ivanka.
I'm here to discuss climate policy.
In the village, the people shuddered as they heard the insane laughter echoing through the woods.
Trigger warning, I'm Andrew Clavin, and this is the Andrew Clavin Show.
I'm Hunky Dunky, life is ticky boom.
I got a bird's a whiskey also singing, hunky dunky.
Avoid Speeding Tickets00:03:41
It's a wonderful day.
Hoorah, hooray!
It makes me want to sing!
Hold on.
Oh, hurrah, hooray!
Oh, hooray, hurrah!
Oh, we got snow and a Santa hat and everything.
This is the best holiday ever.
This is great.
All right, Al Gore, we're going to get back to the dangerous and madcap Al Gore.
But first, we have to welcome our new sponsor.
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Everybody's Opinions Matter00:15:35
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All right, tomorrow, mailbag, be there.
That's right.
Woo is right.
Woo is exactly what I wanted to say.
And if you subscribe, which you should be doing, because after all, I've got to eat.
If you subscribe, you can send in your questions in the mailbag and I will answer them.
Our answers are guaranteed, 1,000% guaranteed correct and will change your life, possibly even for the better.
All right.
Al Gore, I have to say this.
When Donald Trump surprised everybody and won this election, I promised myself that I was not going to let people make me panicked and hysterical.
Okay, and this was true for the right as well as the left.
On the right, you have people who every time he does something or sends a signal that's a little bit like not conservative, it's not in keeping with conservative principles, you know, suddenly it's like, oh my God, oh my God, he's going to come in like a Democrat.
And I just keep saying he hasn't done anything yet.
He hasn't done anything yet.
We can judge his appointments.
We can say this is a good appointment.
There's not a good appointment.
But don't go nuts.
The guy is going to play some politics, do some public relations.
Let's take a look and see what he does.
And on the other hand, I thought, I'm not going to let, and you know, by the way, I'm old enough to remember when Obama was such an incredible danger to the Republic that it was a wonder, were we ever going to survive him?
And were we going to lose our gun rights and we're going to lose our free speech rights?
And suddenly a guy is in here who has pledged to protect our gun rights, protect our free speech rights, appoint conservative justices.
You know, if he does some things I don't like, I'm good with that.
If he turns the ship around, I'm good with that.
I'll be okay.
So I'm not going to panic about that.
Then on the left, they panic every time Steve Bannon, oh, I don't know, kills and devours the occasional Jew.
I worry a little bit about Steve.
I worry Steve is going to be in the back, you know, in like the Army uniform going, you know, we are going into building Invastacher!
Invastacher!
That's on Mondays through Wednesdays.
He dresses like that.
And then on Thursdays, I think, is when he puts on the curly blonde wig and the taffeta dress, and he sings the old, you know, whatever happened to Baby Jane song.
I've written a letter to Daddy.
His address is heaven above.
I've written, dear Daddy, we miss you and wish you were with us too long.
Steve Bannon, ladies and gentlemen, singing.
Singing.
I've written a letter to Daddy.
So Steve Bannon gets the left all hysterical.
I mean, the left is just completely, they have lost their stuff.
People are writing articles about how they've stopped dating because dating requires hope, and now I have no hope anymore.
So I've decided I'm not going to let them make me crazy.
I'm not going to let them right make me crazy.
I'm just going to see how he's going.
Give the guy a chance, you know.
I mean, I'm taking him at his word.
He's not a politician, and he's going to learn as he goes.
He's obviously a lot smarter than people thought he was.
So give the dude a chance.
I draw the line at Al Gore.
Al Gore is a crazy SOB.
Al Gore, first of all, so he goes to Trump Tower and he visits with Trump.
And here's the statement he made afterwards.
I'm here to educate you about the single biggest threat to our planet.
You see, there is something out there which threatens our very existence and maybe the end to the human race as we know it.
I'm talking, of course, about Manberpit.
Remember, Man Barapitt was 50% man, 50% bear, and 50% pig?
So this is Al Gore, who predicted that the world was going to end in two years ago.
And, you know, he's just this blithering idiot.
And he comes to Trump Tower and he meets with Trump and with Ivanka.
And here's, just look at it.
Listen to him, what he said afterwards.
The bulk of the time was with the president-elect Donald Trump.
I found it an extremely interesting conversation and to be continued.
And I'm just going to leave it at that.
Thank you.
My friend, I'm going to have to do it.
See, here's my theory about Al Gore.
Theory about Al Gore was: remember the very difficult election he had with W. Bush and all the challenges, and Bush called him to concede and then called him back and said, I take back my concession.
And I think after that, Al Gore went mad.
I think he had a nervous breakdown, and he decided to turn it into an industry.
He decided to turn his madness.
You know, like how homemakers, you know, someone says, oh, you know, you make such wonderful cupcakes.
You should really sell them online or something.
And the homemaker goes out and she starts to bake the cupcakes, sets up a website and makes a lot of money.
I think somebody said to Al Gore, Al, you are so crazy that you could make money off this.
You know, I mean, you could actually make a living just selling crazy.
Just sell insane Al Gore stuff.
And I think it worked.
It worked.
You know, this stuff, it's not that the planet has gotten a little bit warmer, but as I keep saying, you know, a lot of our lakes used to be glaciers.
Where was Al then?
You know, I mean, the planet, the planet, we're on a rock.
It's spiraling into the sun.
It gets warm.
It gets cold.
It changes over time.
Measurements that take in 100 years don't mean a thing.
Computer programs that attempt to predict the climate, which has too many variables to be predictable, even to computers, even to brilliant computers, they haven't been right once.
First, show me a climate prediction that works over 10 years, say, 20 years, and then I'll dismantle the government.
And second of all, even if, even if the climate is changing, there's nothing we can do about it.
The earth could care less whether we drive a car, whether we don't.
I mean, obviously, we all want conservation.
We all want clean air.
We all want clean water.
But this guy is out of his mind.
And Ivanka needs to go home.
I mean, Ivanka with her ideas, lovely, lovely girl, but she needs to go home.
So they send out Mike Pence, because everybody, everybody on the right just reacted to this, like, Al Gore, you got to be kidding me.
And Trump has said that he thinks climate change is a big hoax and all this.
So they send out Mike Pence.
Mike Pence has become the conservative whisperer.
And, you know, like he comes out and he tells the conservatives, it's all right, this is what's really happening.
So he goes on Fox, and this is what he said about this.
What I heard then, and I know former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger is going to be up meeting with the team today.
And what you're seeing is in the president-elect's efforts is a recognition that he wants to be president of all of the people of America.
And I think his sitting down with a former vice president, hearing him out, and frankly, as Vice President Gore said afterwards, looking for any common ground, particularly in the area of conservation, was reported.
So it came up, I think, is it's emblematic of, I think, what people are seeing in President-elect Donald Trump is what I've seen all along.
He's all ears.
He's listening.
Well, he's got firm convictions.
He knows where he wants to take this country.
But he's someone that wants to listen to everyone.
But I can assure you that as we go forward, you're going to continue to see the strong leadership he articulates.
Okay, so he's saying he's going to stick to his guns.
He's not going to get sucked in by this.
Obviously, conservation is a good thing.
But it was the look on Al Gore's face that got me.
Because when he came out of there and he made that statement, you know, I met Trump, he really looked like, somebody listened to me.
Somebody thought I was, these people are crazier than I am.
This is great.
Maybe just a little bit worried.
We have to say goodbye to our friends on Facebook and on YouTube.
But come on over to thedailywire.com and you can listen to the rest of the show.
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Here's the thing.
Here's the thing that I think is driving everybody just a little bit insane and why we're trying here on the Andrew Clayton Show to be a little island.
I won't call it sanity because I don't deal in sanity, but I think relative sanity, all right?
The people have said, the people have spoken and they have said, we've done with the status quo.
Something has to be broken.
Something has to change.
This is happening in Europe.
It's happening here.
And of course, most of us who have any connection to politics are living off the status quo.
So everybody's going like, whoa, what's happening?
What's going on?
This has got to go back, go back to the way it was.
Do the things the way we're used to.
We like that.
We like that.
And the people are going like, yeah, but that's why we elected this guy.
We elected this guy to change everything.
And the problem is Trump has been a blank page on which people write their own desires.
I mean, Barack Obama had that effect too.
But Barack Obama, we always knew who he really was.
We always knew Barack Obama was an ideologue because every time he was caught on a hot mic or caught off camera, you went back into his records, you always saw that he was an ideologue.
And even the fact that he sent in all those undecided votes and all that stuff, he was hiding it.
We knew it.
I think with Trump, I'm not sure even Trump knows, although I think he's a lot smarter than we thought he was.
I don't think even Trump knows exactly where he stands.
So listen to these, I want you to listen to these two different articles, right?
The Wall Street Journal is the great conservative-leaning newspaper in New York.
The New York Times, a former newspaper, has now become a leftist, blithering, you know, provda of a Democrat mouthpiece, okay?
So here they are this morning.
This is the Wall Street Journal, the Capitol Journal written by Gerald Seib.
If President Barack Obama sought to usher, these are both articles about the transition.
If President Barack Obama sought to usher America into a post-racial era, it is increasingly apparent that President-elect Donald Trump is opening the door to the post-ideological era.
In fact, it's nearly impossible to identify a clear ideological bent in the incoming president's early moves.
It's probably a mistake to try because the definitions of left and right, liberal and conservative, are being scrambled right before our eyes.
Some Trump moves so far track with his populist outsider campaign image.
Others are moves a conventional conservative could make.
Some on his team would have been comfortable picks by any standard issue Republican.
Some could as easily have been made by a Democratic president-elect.
So here's Seib saying that he can't read what all this means.
It's very hard to say.
Now here's the New York Times, a former newspaper, speaking from the left.
President-elect Donald J. Trump is moving to repudiate vast parts of President Obama's domestic agenda as he fills his cabinet with conservatives who have long records opposing the current administration on social programs, wages, public lands, veterans, and the environment.
Mr. Trump's selections to lead the departments of education, commerce, justice, and health and human services, and the names under consideration for other federal agencies with broad authority over the lives of Americans have cheered Republicans in Washington who have spent eight years battling Mr. Obama's administration.
It's a recognition that elections have consequences, said Thomas Davis, a former congressman from Virginia, who said he was impressed by the ideological philosophy of Mr. Trump's domestic agency appointments.
Republican philosophy says markets can do a better job.
It's a huge clash with Obama.
So on the left, they see right-wingers.
On the middle right, they can't tell what's going on.
It seems like a hodgepodge.
Ben Shapiro is very wary.
He feels like a lot of leftist stuff is coming down the pike.
Could be right.
But I'm just saying, like, everybody is seeing a different Donald Trump.
Everybody's seen a different transition.
You saw this that Ben Carson was appointed to housing and urban development, which may be the one racist thing that Trump has done.
I mean, all this talk about racism, Donald Trump, I have seen absolutely no real sign, sign of real racism, really dangerous racism.
But why is Ben Carson?
Why is a brain surgeon?
I mean, God love him.
He's obviously a brilliant man, but why is he being put in charge of housing and urban development?
What has that got to do with anything?
I don't know.
It's always an agency that is identified with black people.
Listen, there's a lot to do there, a lot of reforms.
It's a terrible organization, like everything the left has constructed.
It gives people money to live in places forever.
And then if your salary goes up, your rent goes up, subsidized housing.
That's what I'm listening to I'm looking for.
It gives people subsidized housing for life, basically.
And then if your earnings go up, your rent goes up.
So there is a reason not to earn more.
I mean, it does what welfare always does, is it inculcates dependency and not working and taking stuff from the government.
And whenever you say that to the left, they start to accuse you of all kinds of things, racism and being cruel and being greedy and your Ebenezer Scrooge.
But really, that's what it does.
It ruins people's lives.
And so there could be a lot of reform if that subsidized housing was a way to help you when you were in trouble.
You're homeless, you're not making enough to have a home.
Great.
Give the guy subsidized housing and then work the thing so that he has to get out.
He has to get a job and get out.
So with all this stuff, nobody can read this guy and he's changing the status quo and everybody's hysterical and worried.
From the left, you are getting this genuinely vicious attempt to delegitimize this president before he has even taken office.
And there's all these recounts that Jill Stein is doing, and those seem to be going nowhere.
And now the New York Times has this article in its op-ed by a Republican elector in Texas, Christopher Suprin, who says he's not going to cast his electoral vote according to the will of the people.
He starts out, he says, I am a Republican presidential elector, one of the 538 people asked to choose officially the president of the United States.
Since the election, people have asked me to change my vote based on policy disagreements with Donald Trump.
In some cases, they cite the popular vote difference.
I do not think presidents-elect should be disqualified for policy disagreements.
I do not think they should be disqualified because they won the Electoral College instead of the popular vote.
However, now I am asked to cast a vote on December 19th for someone who shows daily he is not qualified for the office.
And he goes on to say he's not going to do it.
He says the election of the next president is not yet a done deal.
Electors of conscience can still do the right thing for the good of the country.
Presidential electors have the legal right and a constitutional duty to vote their conscience.
I believe electors should unify behind a Republican alternative, an honorable and qualified man or woman, such as Governor John Kasich of Ohio.
And he is a man or woman.
I pray, no, I'm sorry, that was a cheap joke.
Come on, don't laugh at that.
You just encourage me.
I pray my fellow electors will do their job.
Praying for Electors00:09:34
This place is populated by the lowest possible people.
I pray my fellow electors will do their job and join with me in discovering who that person should be.
Oh, the electors are going to discover who the person that is president should be.
I mean, this is a genuinely dangerous movement, but a typical movement, not to argue with the right, not to say, oh, we lost this election.
Now we're going to fight our corner.
Now we have to make our arguments.
Now we have to show why our policies that have failed for eight years really should have worked.
But, you know, it was dark and I didn't see what I was doing and all this stuff, all the excuses you want to make.
But to actually delegitimize the half of the country, and now it's going to be more than half because people are rooting for the president-elect.
Of course, they are.
They should be.
They want to actually delegitimize the vote.
I mean, and the Times is pushing this, and a lot of people are pushing this.
I don't think this is going to amount to anything, but I do think it's a dangerous, dangerous idea that, you know, the idea that one side, one side of this equation is saying something important and, you know, there should be arguments within the left and we should decide whether the left is right here or whether it's right there.
And the other side is just completely non-existent.
It should be changed.
I mean, what has Donald Trump done so far?
What has he done so far since his election as president that disqualifies him from the office?
I mean, he's acting, you know, even though he is acting in his usual P.T. Barnum showmanship way, bringing people into Trump Tower and sort of saying, you know, everyone's coming to meet me and who will it be?
Who will be the Secretary of State?
You know, you're fired and you're hired and who will be, you know, he's doing it in a typical Trumpian way.
But what has he done since his election to disqualify himself from the office of the presidency?
I would say nothing.
And I would also say that I don't even understand, you know, the people on the right are just as not quite as upset because they're not hysterics like the people on the left.
But the people on the right are also wary.
The people on the left are wary.
You know, that should be a good sign.
That should be a stabilizing sign that maybe he can bring people together.
Right here on this show, we're going to remain calm.
Even if Al Gore goes back to Trump Tower, if Al Gore goes back to Trump Tower, we may like jam one of those sticks into the elevators to make sure he just gets stuck because Al Gore is pushing it.
Even for me, Al Gore is pushing it.
But here we're going to remain calm until we see what exactly is going on.
All right, now, on the subject of the left ruining everything, we have to talk about one of my favorite winter songs.
This is one of the sexiest songs ever written, and it's used as a Christmas song, even though it's not.
It's by Frank Lesser, great, great songwriter.
I think he wrote How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.
He's written a lot of classic stuff.
And this is this song, Baby, It's Cold Outside.
So now, this guy, Will Shrelock, I don't really know how to pronounce his name, T-R-L-A-C, in Affinity Magazine.
This is a song about seduction.
It's what's called a call-and-response song.
The lady is trying to go home.
She's saying, I've got to go out.
I've got to go home because my, you know, it'd be disgraceful if I get caught here overnight, for instance, with a man.
And the man is saying, baby, it's cold outside.
Don't go.
He's trying to seduce her, right?
Okay.
Here's the article from Affinity Magazine.
Tis the season, and we all know what that means, being inundated with the unmistakable tune of Baby, It's Cold Outside on the Daily.
What is also unmistakable are the lyrics now considered to be extremely problematic.
I love the passive voice there.
It's now considered to be extremely problematic that highlight a woman being put in an uncomfortable and coercive situation by a man.
I mean, come on, one lyric is actually ought to say no, no, no, sir, to which the man responds, mind if I move in closer?
It's mind-blowing that the world ignored lyrics like these for the near 60 years that this song has been out.
In 1944, when this song was written, marital rape wasn't an idea that crossed people's minds.
Men were allowed to treat women like this, and it wasn't given a second thought.
But today, in 2016, more people are catching on to the issues brought up by this archaic song.
The song is being called a rape song, okay?
You know, this reminds me when I was a young writer just coming up.
I was writing some journalism for a very left-wing publication, and I had a female editor who I just loved.
I mean, she was a lovely person.
She was so smart, whip smart, and a great editor.
You know, writers, if they're smart, love editors because they make their work better, right?
And I wrote a piece of journalism for this magazine in which I said, in which I said, studies have shown that the two most popular sexual fantasies among women, the first one is the same as men, is sex with a stranger, someone you don't know or someone you've met who's not your normal partner.
That's the first one.
The second one for women, back then when this study was done, and I'm not going to say it's changed, the second one for women, as I said in my article, was being raped.
And this editor sent it back with the note, ravished, darling.
I always love that, ravished, darling.
Of course, the difference between being raped and being ravished is one is about being brutalized, and the other is about being swept away.
And that's what she was telling me, that the fantasy is not about being brutalized.
It's about being swept away.
I always love that.
It's such a sweet way to correct me, ravished, darling.
And this song is about seduction, okay?
It's about seduction.
Now, once upon a time, some of you younger folks may not know this, there were women who had respect for themselves.
See, this was before feminism, before feminism made women strong and brave and independent so that they're miserable constantly, right?
Or they were actually happier and they had respect for themselves and they understood that there is no divide between your body and yourself.
So that when you let someone into your body, you were letting someone into yourself and you were going to have the concomitant emotions.
You were going to have the emotions that go along with that.
And so men had to win their way into a woman's favor.
They had to prove that they were charming.
They had to prove that they could make a living.
They had to prove that they were nice, that they could say nice things and bring gifts and things like this.
They had to prove themselves before they actually became romantic.
And that's what this song is about.
So I want you to hear these Minnesota singer-songwriters, Lydia Lisa and Josiah Lemansky, have rewritten this song for millennials where she wants to go and he just is going to let her go.
So listen to 30 seconds of this.
Baby, I'm fine with that.
I've got to go away.
Maybe I'm cool with that This evening has been Hoping you'd get home safe I'm glad you had a real good time.
So the only problem with this song, it's a little painful because you have to remove your sexual organs before you sing it.
And that makes it just a little difficult.
So let us end with stuff I like.
This is the sexiest recording ever made.
Okay, this is Ray Charles, the great Ray Charles, sometimes called The Genius, the great Ray Charles, and Betty Carter, one of the great soul singers of all time, singing the first verse of Baby It's Cold Outside.
Listen to sex when it's done right.
I really can't stay.
Betty, it's cold outside.
I've got to go away.
Betty, it's cool out there.
This evening has been.
I've been hoping that you drop in.
So very nice.
I'll hold your hand They're just like My mother will start to Beautiful, what's your heart?
My father will be pacing the world.
Listen to that far-place.
So really, I better skip.
Beautiful, please don't worry.
Maybe just a hat.
Why don't you put some records on while I pour?
And the neighbors might think that it could spare out there.
Say what's in this church.
No cabs to be had out there.
I wish I knew how.
Your eyes are like starlight now.
To break the spell.
I'll take your hat, your hair, Mix.
I ought to say no, no.
If I move in closer.
At least I'm gonna say that I chose.
What's the sense of hurting my pride?
I really can't stay.
Baby, don't hold out.
But it's cold outside.
I really can't stay.
Your eyes are like starlight now.
See, guys don't have to, if guys don't have to say, you don't make guys work, they don't have to say stuff like that.
And the world becomes a lesser place.
Listen, if in the previous few minutes I've said anything that offends you, come back tomorrow and I'll do it again.