Ep. 202 pits Andrew Clavin against media hypocrisy, exposing how the 2016 Trump-Clinton debate exposed double standards—Trump’s "Access Hollywood" tape dismissed as old news while Clinton’s defense of a rapist suspect went unchallenged—while praising his counterattack on Obamacare and Islamic terrorism. Michael Knowles skewers Cards Against Humanity as neo-Victorian performative activism, then a ghost story about Carol, a PR exec whose nightmares reveal a buried crime in a haunted Connecticut house, blurs dream and reality. The episode ends with a critique of a poorly adapted mystery book and tributes to photographer Simon Marsden’s eerie work. [Automatically generated summary]
Well, the election is almost upon us, and it's up to each and every citizen to make the choice whether the country is going to be utterly screwed or screwed utterly.
Whether we're going to careen swiftly toward the cliff of destruction with a corrupt woman at the wheel, or whether we'd prefer a man.
Whether we're going to continue on the path to tyranny and mediocrity, or whether we'll stop off at mediocrity first and then head on to tyranny after lunch.
To help you make this important decision, the Andrew Clavin Show has collected a series of test questions that should train you to recognize which choice is worse.
Here we go.
Which is worse?
A.
To elect a president who has mistreated women, disparaged minorities, and proposed idiotic policies that will continue America's decline, or B, to vote for Donald Trump and get all that plus the comical hair.
Which is worse?
A, to have our news media rightly denounce Donald Trump for his disgusting treatment of women, or B, to have our news media rightly denounce Trump while being the same news media that gives Hillary Clinton a pass for persecuting her husband's rape victims, or C, to have our news media.
Which is worse?
A, to live in a country where women openly read 50 Shades of Gray, a pornographic sex fantasy in which a horrible rich guy violently abuses a woman and she gets off on it, or B, to have those women put the book aside just long enough to denounce Donald Trump for actually being the guy they're fantasizing about.
Which is worse, A, to live in a country that has ceased to love God and therefore men have no honor and women have no virtue, or B, to live in a country that continues to love God, where men do have honor and women do have virtue, and then discover you're in Saudi Arabia.
Which is worse, A, to have to admit you are a flaming idiot when you call Ben Shapiro a conservative because he wouldn't support Trump, or B, to be such a flaming idiot that you don't even realize how big a flaming idiot you are.
Which is worse, A, to have the next Supreme Court justice appointed by a president who opposes the first, second, and fifth amendments, or B, to have the next Supreme Court justice appointed by a president who's never read the first, second, and Fifth Amendments, but at least can grab a woman by the crotch and get away with it.
So I guess that's something.
Which is worse, A, to be a patriotic, freedom-loving American during election 2016, or B, to be a patriotic, freedom-loving American who is run over by a cement truck and left lying helpless by the side of the road, and then a psychedelic bus pulls up beside you, and a large party of evil zombie clowns gets out and they begin to feed on your body from the feet up so that you're alive through every agonizing and terrifying second, right up until your very last breath, when you softly whisper, well, that was bad, but not as bad as election 2016.
Trump's Surprising Attack00:14:54
Trigger warning, I'm Andrew Clavin, and this is the Andrew Clavin Show.
I'm the hunky-dunky, life is tickety-boo.
Birds are ringing, also singing, hunky-dunky-ding.
Ship-shaped ipsy-topsy, the world is a bitty zing.
It's a wonderful day.
Hoorah, hooray!
It makes me want to sing.
Oh, hurrah, hooray!
Oh, hooray, hurrah.
What the hell is going on?
These Clavenless weekends are getting so bad that even I can't stand them, and they're not Clavenless for me.
This is like terrible.
But we're back.
So that something, yeah, woo-hoo!
And Lindsay is back.
Yeah!
Lindsay, you know, Lindsay has made this entire show.
This little sign you made, didn't you?
That was your sign originally.
Scored our theme song, you made that whole, all the music on our theme song.
What else did you do?
You did something else.
You what?
Woo-hoo!
Yes, of course.
While you're here, you have to record your woohoo.
And we'll have her on to wave, but we don't have her on to wave until the guys who haven't subscribed to the site are tossed off Facebook and YouTube.
Whoa, I know.
It's incredible.
If I seem distracted, this is why.
All right, we're going to talk plenty of culture.
We have fixed our incredible technology to get Michael Knowles, our cultural correspondent.
We will not have the problem we had last time where you couldn't hear him.
You will be able to hear him.
Could be worse.
I'm not sure.
And I'm going to tell a ghost story.
I'm going to tell one of my favorite ghost stories.
It takes about two minutes to tell, and it'll be for Halloween stuff I like.
So I cannot believe the level to which this campaign has now flushed itself.
I have to, you know, I actually woke up at four o'clock this morning and started thinking about Donald Trump and the stuff he said in this videotape.
And first of all, I have to, we're kind of living in feminist logic world now, right?
Feminist logic is like three points of feminist logic.
One, women are exactly the same as men.
Two, men stink.
Three, you have to respect women.
I'm not sure that really holds together a system of logic.
So now Donald Trump comes out and they catch him on this tape, on this bus talking to Billy Bush.
And I'm going to be absolutely bluntly honest.
They're talking like men talk when men are together.
It is a form of swaggering.
It is not the best thing about us.
It is the way guys talk.
And he's from New York.
I'm from New York.
People from New York talk a little bit rougher than the people in the rest of the country.
And that is the way he's talking.
Listen, none of this, none of this is new information.
Donald Trump is a lowlife.
Donald Trump commits adultery and brags about it.
Bad enough to commit adultery.
Anybody can have a problem.
But to brag about it, he brags about it.
He did it in both of his books.
In two of his books, I believe.
I know he did it in the Art of the Deal, which is his best-selling book.
He brags about committing adultery.
He brags about the way he treats women.
He has violent tendencies.
He's ignorant.
He doesn't prepare for anything.
He's arrogant.
He's all these things.
But we knew all that already.
This tape comes out and gives us nothing.
And the hypocrisy is just stunning.
We're going to play it.
I'm sure everybody has heard it by now, but let's play a little bit of it with all the bad words cut out.
I moved in her like a, but I couldn't get there.
And she was married.
Then all of a sudden I see her.
She's now got the big phony and everything.
She's totally changed her looks.
Your girl's hot as shit.
In the purple.
Whoa.
Yes.
Whoa.
Yes, Nconald Escourt.
Oh, my man.
Maybe it's a different one.
Better not be the publicist.
No, it's her.
Yeah, that's her.
With a gold.
I've got to use some Tic Tac just in case they start kissing her.
You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful.
I just start kissing them.
It's like a magnet.
You just kiss them.
I don't even know what.
And when you're a star, they let you do it.
You can do anything, whatever you want.
Grab them by the do anything.
And poor Billy Bush has now been suspended.
What is he, the police?
He's supposed to stop him from, you know, like you're sitting there with this big star and you're supposed to stop him.
I mean, it's just, I'm sorry, it's the hypocrisy that's killing me.
Like, suddenly, the left has discovered purity.
I mean, these are people who are trying to let men use women's bathrooms who are trying to tell us that every form of perversion that you can possibly think of, it's just the way you are.
Hey, this is just Donald Trump's sexuality.
He should start a movement for boars, you know?
Like, boar liberation.
I mean, you know, it's just, this is the media.
The media is going to come out and tell us, is going to tell us that Donald Trump is nasty to women.
It's the media that has been protecting Hillary Clinton as he goes out of his way to say, but I just want to pause for just a minute and think back on Teddy Kennedy.
Teddy Kennedy, who left, look, there's no question about this.
He drove a woman, probably a woman he was trying to seduce.
We don't know that for sure.
But he drove a young woman into the drink, into the water off Chappaquittick, and he left her there.
And he went and he changed his clothes, probably to establish an alibi.
He chatted amiably with friends while she was in the car.
You know, they never got to do an autopsy on her because they buried her too quick, but there's every indication that she was on the car pounding on the windows, trying to get out while he was establishing.
I just want, when he died, here's the ABC News, first 30 seconds of the ABC News report on Teddy Kennedy's death.
Ted Kennedy is gone.
For millions of Americans, that's hard to imagine.
So long had the youngest of the nine children of the Kennedy Klan blazed forth on the center stage of American politics.
Edward Moore Kennedy died of brain cancer a little before midnight Tuesday at the age of 77 at his home at the Kennedy compound in Hyannisport, Massachusetts.
He was dubbed the lion of the Senate, serving in that body for an amazing 46 years, the third longest tenure ever.
And now John Don Van looks back at the liberal who roared.
The liberal, the lion, that's L-Y-I-N, I guess, the lion of the Senate.
I mean, come on, you protected this dirtbag who was having affairs on his wife constantly.
You know, when he said millions of Americans mourned, I don't think there are millions of Americans in the press.
I think maybe all the media mourn.
So now they're going to tell us that Donald Trump is a bad guy.
And also, this goes for the people, the Republicans too, by the way, the guys who endorsed him with enthusiasm, the guys who said this is a good person, and now suddenly, oh my goodness, now throwing their aprons over their faces and running from the room.
You know, Paul Ryan, and listen, I love Paul Ryan.
I respect Paul Ryan.
He says, what did he say?
Oh, I'm sickened by what I heard.
Women are to be championed and revered, not objectified.
Now we've got to revere.
Are we in a fertility cult?
I mean, we have to revere women.
I mean, look, you know, all this stuff works as long as you have ladies and gentlemen.
That culture is so long gone from every place but my house.
That culture is so long gone that you just can't hold this guy up.
So Trump does the, he's got the debate coming up.
Everybody's expecting him to get creamed.
Trump pulls a surprise attack.
I thought it was actually brilliant.
And he brings on three of the women who have accused Bill Clinton of not only mistreating them, but they've also accused Hillary Clinton of coming after them for doing it.
And this new one, he's got Kathy Shelton, who Hillary Clinton defended the guy who was accused of raping her when she was 12.
So this is just Kathy Sheldon part of this Facebook press conference he holds.
At 12 years old, Hillary put me through something that you've never put a 12-year-old through.
And she says she's for women and children.
And she was asked last year what happened.
And she says she's supposed to defend whether they did it or not.
Now she's laughing on faith saying she knows they did it.
Okay, now, if I haven't alienated the people who, you know, hate Donald Trump already, now I'm going to alienate the people who love Donald Trump.
This story is also garbage.
This story is garbage.
Hillary Clinton was appointed to defend as a young attorney.
A judge appointed her to defend the guy who was accused of raping this young girl.
That's her job.
That's what a defense attorney has to do.
When the judge tells you, when you're a young lawyer, you have to do it.
You don't say, no, judge, I can't do that.
She was appointed to do this.
She took it.
The case had a lot of bad evidence.
The evidence was bad.
The stories were messed up.
The woman herself was not, you know, was not unimpeachable.
She negotiated a plea deal for this clown where he got five years, but the judge gave him four years off and two months off.
So he served like 10 months in the county jail, something like this.
They say she laughs about this.
It's not true.
In an interview she did in the 80s, the case was 75, in an interview she did in the 80s.
Here's the clip that everybody talks about, her laughing.
She's talking about her defense of this guy.
It was ethnic case.
It's a really interesting case.
His dad was accused of breaking at 12 year olds.
He was the daughter of a family he was with in Springfield.
He lived in the side of the track in Bristol.
And the guy was green bullish.
His family still had a little five.
He was one of these ruthless folks who wasn't going to make a living on the land on the cow and around.
Ended up Spring Get working.
One of the federal demographics.
Of course, he claimed that he did all this stuff.
He took a lot of technologies.
I hope this Congress.
Which he passed, which forever destroyed my faith in Polygraph.
So she's laughing because the polygraph, he passed the polygraph.
She knew he was guilty.
I mean, so that, you know, I don't know.
To me, that's not so bad.
She laughs another time in it, you know, that she got off this guy.
She helped this guy get off.
She didn't help him get off.
And that's not what she was laughing about.
You know, I'm sorry.
Hillary Clinton is every inch as bad as Donald Trump.
She's dishonest.
She's greedy.
She is so ambitious as to have lost all sense of right and wrong in her life.
She has a glitch in her head.
And the same way Trump has this glitch where he has to defend himself.
She has this glitch where she lies even when you don't need to lie.
She lies about anything.
She's a terrible person.
This tape also is nonsense.
You know, I mean, the truth is the Trump tape is nonsense and this is nonsense.
So now they go on to the debate.
And Trump won.
Trump didn't win.
He, like, I thought he kind of trumped her.
I thought he kind of troused her, basically.
And he won in two ways.
One is he did exactly what I said he should do.
My wife came in and said, did they listen to you?
They were actually listening to the show.
They may be, you know, because what I said is she attacks him.
He turns it around and attacks her.
And this worked in two ways.
The first way is the personal way, because she comes out, they all get on the tape, they all pile on, and he turns it around with the Bill Clinton thing.
And now, who can tell him he doesn't have the right to bring this up?
Who can tell him this is not fair game anymore?
So here's him turning on Bill on the debate.
If you look at Bill Clinton, far worse, minor words, and his was action.
His was what he's done to women.
There's never been anybody in the history of politics in this nation that's been so abusive to women.
So you can say any way you want to say it, but Bill Clinton was abusive to women.
Hillary Clinton attacked those same women and attacked them viciously, four of them here tonight.
One of the women, who is a wonderful woman at 12 years old, was raped at 12.
Her client, she represented, got him off, and she's seen laughing on two separate occasions, laughing at the girl who was raped.
Kathy Shelton, that young woman, is here with us tonight.
So don't tell me about words.
I am absolutely, I apologize for those words, but it is things that people say.
But what President Clinton did, he was impeached.
He lost his license to practice law.
He had to pay an $850,000 fine to one of the women, Paula Jones, who's also here tonight.
And I will tell you that when Hillary brings up a point like that and she talks about words that I said 11 years ago, I think it's disgraceful and I think she should be ashamed of herself if you want to know the truth.
I'm sorry, but that's a good response.
That is a perfectly fair response because the whole point about Trump is that it's not that he's any good, it's that she's just as bad and the media covers for her and that makes her look even worse.
We've got to say goodbye to Facebook and YouTube, but come over to the Daily Wire and hear the rest.
We've got a lot more coming up.
By the way, priceless in that moment was the cutaway shot to Bill Clinton.
Do we have that?
He's looking over at the women.
I just love that.
Uh-oh.
Yeah, I'll remember that.
Maybe he's thinking, like, I wonder if they're still available.
I don't know.
So that was great.
And also this moment when he basically says he's going to put, if he gets elected president, he's going to put her away.
And he says, I'm going to appoint a special prosecutor.
Let's just play the special prosecutor.
And I'll tell you what, I didn't think I'd say this, but I'm going to say it.
And I hate to say it.
But if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your situation because there has never been so many lies, so much deception.
There has never been anything like it.
And we're going to have a special prosecutor.
When I speak, I go out and speak.
The people of this country are furious.
In my opinion, the people that have been long-term workers at the FBA are furious.
There has never been anything like this where emails and you get a subpoena, you get a subpoena, and after getting the subpoena, you delete 33,000 emails.
And then you acid wash them or bleach them, as you would say, a very expensive process.
So we're going to get a special prosecutor, and we're going to look into it because you know what?
People have been, their lives have been destroyed for doing one-fifth of what you've done.
People Furious Over Subpoena00:05:40
And it's a disgrace.
And honestly, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Secretary Clinton.
I love it.
I have to, listen, I have to be honest with you.
Later he says, she says, it's a good thing somebody with your temperament hasn't been elected president.
He interrupts her and he says, yeah, because you'd be in jail.
If he would promise to put Hillary Clinton in jail, one, and then promise to die, let Mike Bence become president, I'll campaign for him.
I'll lick envelopes.
I'll be like, yes, Mr. Trump, I love this guy.
I mean, come on.
You know, she deserves it.
He's right.
And the thing is, it's all about the press.
It's all about the media creating expectations, creating an atmosphere where somehow his badness, which is real, everything they say about him is true.
He's that bad.
But it's somehow worse than her badness.
And the press overplayed their hand.
First, Anderson Cooper is there attacking him for this email.
Anderson Cooper, who's the guy who called the Tea Party teabaggers, which is a gay thing that they do.
Who knows?
So he put that on.
You know, I have to say, I've been around.
I never heard that expression before.
He's the guy who used it as a snarky little comment on millions and millions of people who wanted to bring back constitutional governance and cut spending.
That's what they wanted.
And he immediately tagged them with that remark, that kind of disgusting, you know, sexual term.
He's going to come up and pick on Donald Trump because Donald Trump's a slob.
He's a slob.
And Martha Rattis, she lost her stuff.
This was really funny.
You got to play this cut because she did this a couple of times.
She just went off on him.
She just obviously can't stand him.
And it was everything but having her leap across the desk and wrap her fingers around his throat.
Listen to this part.
The Muslim ban is something that in some form has morphed into an extreme vetting from certain areas of the world.
Hillary Clinton wants to allow you to do it.
No, did you answer the question?
Do you still believe me all the time?
Why don't you interrupt her?
Please explain whether or not the Muslim ban still stands.
She did that a couple of times, and she didn't do it to Hillary.
They did say, thank you very much.
Please stop talking a couple of times to her.
But they did it to him immediately, Ghost Tuesday.
And it looked like a rat pack.
It looked like they rat packed him.
And I think that makes him more sympathetic.
So he won on the personal.
Every time she attacked him personally, he turned it around.
Instead of going down the Trump rabbit hole where he defends himself, no, in 1967, I paid this much.
You know, instead of doing that, he did that one time.
He did that one time, but he caught himself.
So Steve Bannon gets a raise because he taught him and taught him how to be a human being.
So he did that really well.
But he also beat her on substance.
And that was the incredible thing.
He beat her on Obamacare.
And this, to me, was his best moment.
The best moment was a Muslim woman gets a, they were taking, it was a town hall, they were taking questions from the audience.
A Muslim woman gets up and talks about Islamophobia.
And here is Trump's response.
How will you help people like me deal with the consequences of being labeled as a threat to the country after the election is over?
Mr. Trump, you're first.
Well, you're right about Islamophobia, and that's a shame.
But one thing we have to do is we have to make sure that because there is a problem.
I mean, whether we like it or not, and we can be very politically correct, but whether we like it or not, there is a problem.
And we have to be sure that Muslims come in and report when they see something going on.
When they see hatred going on, they have to report it.
And she won't even mention the word, and nor will President Obama.
He won't use the term radical Islamic terrorism.
Now, to solve a problem, you have to be able to state what the problem is or at least say the name.
She won't say the name and President Obama won't say the name.
But the name is there.
It's radical Islamic terror.
And before you solve it, you have to say the name.
So that's the moment the Islamic lady gets up and says, what are you going to do to protect me from Islamophobia?
And Trump is too coarse and stupid to realize that he's supposed to cow tower to her and he tells the truth.
And I think that's a moment that may have set people's hearts on fire if they were still watching.
Because it was just, you sat there and you thought, well, yeah, that's the problem.
Nobody hates this lady.
I don't know who she is.
You know, nobody cares who you pray to in this country.
Nobody gives a rats in this country who you pray to or if you pray.
Nobody loses any sleep over that.
We just don't want people blowing us up.
It's just this funny little quirk we have.
It's like, you know, call me crazy, but it's just something we don't like.
And so he spoke the truth.
Trump won this debate.
What he did was he staunched the bleeding.
He stopped this, you know, the frenzy over this tape.
And it's going to give people a couple of minutes to reconsider the fact that this tape is really meaningless.
Now, there's more stuff coming down the pike.
I mean, Washington Post has dedicated its entire staff to bringing Trump down.
And they're going to be hammering him.
Who knows what else they've got?
We didn't even talk about the WikiLeaks that haven't really— John Podesta emails her, Clinton's campaign manager.
We didn't even talk about those that show her saying one thing behind people's back and another thing in public, talking to bankers and investment bankers saying, you guys are the smartest people in the country.
People hate you because you're successful, kind of making promises to them behind the scenes while telling us that she's going to Bernie Sanders them in real life.
These are two terrible, dishonest people, and one of them won the debate, and it was Trump.
That's basically it.
Two terrible people debated.
One of them won.
with Trump.
All right, we're going to move on to our call.
Can you come over and say hi to everybody?
Cards Against Humanity: White Liberal Millennial Humor00:04:26
Yeah.
Lindsay, our lovable Lindsay is back.
How long are you here?
And look at that shirt.
Oh, yeah.
That shirt will never look that good again.
I asked for a boy small.
That's a bar.
I don't think this is a bar.
No, I don't think so.
I've lost a little weight, maybe.
You're looking great, as always.
You always look great.
Yeah, we miss you so much.
I know.
I'll be popping back in.
You can't get rid of me.
And your mark is all over the show.
Oh, yeah.
Which may be the.
I stained this.
You stained that?
I know.
I put that pilot wall together.
This awesome sign.
That awesome sign.
It is the best.
I know, I know.
The design and our tune.
And anyway.
Yeah, love you.
We're so thrilled to see you.
And yeah.
Well, our audience just went up like, you know, 20% probably, 50%.
Now it's two people.
All right.
We will move on.
Our cultural correspondent is here.
You're going to be shocked at our new technology.
This is the most amazing technology.
You know, we've had this problem again and again where we've sent the signal around Jupiter, come back down here and bounced it off to get him in the writer's room.
Now we've got it fixed.
This is amazingly new, the most cutting-edge technology.
We have Michael Knowles here reporting for the cultural weekend.
Woo!
There he is!
Hey!
This is amazing!
You look so clear, it's almost as if you're in the room with us.
But, Drew, how do you expect me to follow Lindsay?
That is an impossible act of all life.
You're screwed.
I've never liked you, Knowles.
That's why.
All right, what have you got?
How have you spent your weekend instead of grabbing women and things like that?
Well, yeah, in addition to is probably the difference you're looking for.
Yeah.
Well, I did actually, over the weekend, I read the New York Times, as you know, a former newspaper.
Former newspaper.
I rarely do this, but it had a letter criticizing this very popular game called Cards Against Humanity.
I do not know what this is.
So, Cards Against Humanity is the preferred game these days of white liberal millennials.
And I've played it a number of times, actually, and I don't really like it.
And the New York Times criticized it for being too racist or too offensive or what have you.
And obviously, that wouldn't bother you.
Not in the least.
The game builds itself as a game for horrible people.
It's a party game, and basically it kind of looks like this.
You have these two sets of cards, and there will be a prompt that says, studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to amputees, tee hee hee hee, you know, or black people, you know, or the Holocaust or something, right?
I get it, though.
Or even these kind of just inane ones like boogers or something.
You know, just and this is supposed to be funny and subversive, you know.
But the trouble is, the only people who play it are white liberal millennials who are the least funny people who have ever.
Like, Genghis Khan is funnier than these guys.
That is a problem.
So it's basically white liberal millennials pretending to be who they think we are.
That's right, yeah.
And it's not, you know, people used to play poker and scrabble and bridge and like games that are a little games, sort of, but now we play Madly.
I mean, this is a game for six-year-olds.
You know, it's Mad Libs or Pictionary or Apples to Apples or one of those kind of games.
But you don't have to be funny to play it.
You just have to pick a random card.
So wait, the answer is on the card?
Yeah, you literally just hand them a card and you basically have to.
Oh, I see it matches them together.
That's right.
You have to guess basically what the person who's picking will think is the funniest.
But none of these people have any sense of humor.
And they only play it because they can't be funny in real life because they are so afraid of their own shadow.
They would never make an off-color joke.
They would never make an aggressive or subversive joke or anything like that.
So they have to basically say, you know, this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but with AIDS.
Tee, hee, hee, hee, hee, you know, and then and then you all have to pretend.
It's really horrible.
So they're making the jokes that we're all just allowed to make, basically, but they have to be written for them.
So somewhere they're hiring conservatives to write this game so liberals can pretend to be us.
That's right.
And it's really unbelievable because it's the opposite of what it bills itself as, but it's just evidence of this neo-Victorianism, but without any of the nice clothing or good music or even the frivolous literature.
A Haunted Journey00:06:25
So one last question.
What did the Times say about this?
So the Times said that Cards Against Humanity is terrible because it's too racist.
Well, what if an amputee is playing the game?
Well, the amputee feel about the game.
How will he pick up the car?
I'm sorry.
I'm not supposed to make those.
That's right.
The one good thing I can say about Cards Against Humanity is it is at least funnier than the New York Times.
Boy, that's damning with faint praise, if ever there was.
All right, Michael Knowles, our cultural correspondent, reporting.
He's reporting on directly from Neptune, I think.
I think it's.
Wait a minute, my baby.
Wait, hey, good to see you.
No wonder the technology works so well.
Well, at least you could hear what he has to say now.
You can write in and tell us if that's better or worse.
All right, stuff I like.
You know, before I do, I'm going to tell a very quick ghost story, one of my favorite short ghost stories.
But before I do, I just want to say I saw a girl on the train.
So I want to give my review of Girl on the Train.
Here, Girl on the Train is based on this novel.
I can't even remember Paula.
What's her name?
Paula?
I'll look it up here.
But it's the novel I thought was excellent.
And my recommendation to you is that you read the novel because the novel is really good.
Let me just see the novel by Paula Hawkins, British novelist.
Here's a scene where it's about a woman who kind of like a rear window on a train.
She's riding on this train every day and she looks out and she sees a woman on the balcony of her house and she starts to kind of imagine this woman's perfect life and then one day she sees her with a man who's not her husband.
And from there, after that, shortly after that, the woman vanishes and she becomes a suspect.
So here's Emily Blunt in the moment when she confronts the police officer.
I saw someone with Megan Hipwell, but not on Friday night.
She was having an affair.
She had a lover.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
I thought you didn't know her.
No, but I saw her.
You saw her where?
I saw her from the train.
She was standing on the deck with this man.
Her husband, Scott Hipwell?
No, it wasn't him.
This man was different, and they were kissing.
Wow, that's pretty coincidental, isn't it?
You just happened to be on a train at the same exact moment that a woman you don't know but somehow recognize as cheating on her husband.
I know it sounds crazy.
Neighbors saw a drunk woman in the vicinity of her house Friday night.
Megan Hipwell does bear a resemblance to Anna Watson.
Mrs. Watson reported that you go to their house sometimes uninvited and that on one occasion you actually broke in and took their child.
So if you haven't read this novel and you like thrillers, read the novel.
It's really good.
If it hadn't sold so well, it wouldn't have occurred to anybody to turn it into a movie because it's really a literary book.
It really takes place inside the minds of people.
What they would have done with it, if it hadn't sold so well, is they would have made it into one of those masterpiece theater type mysteries that goes on for seven episodes.
It would have been really good.
This is really not good.
It's really, it's not terrible.
Emily Blunt's a good actress.
It's not awful, but if you haven't read the book, it'll give things away and you really should read the book because it's really good.
All right, Halloween stuff I like.
And we're going to illustrate this.
Do we have a couple of Marsden pictures?
I just want to put, we're going to put up Simon Marsden.
He was a photographer.
He died pretty recently.
British photographer.
I think it was a Baron who would just go around taking pictures of haunted locations, haunted houses, and he would treat them so they're really spooky.
I have one of his prints in my, I think we hung it in the bathroom, but all the same.
He's really a good spooky photographer.
So we'll put him up just for atmosphere, Simon Marsden, but you can look him up online.
He's really good.
I've always loved the story, and I've told it to a number of people, and it took me a long time to understand it.
I always knew it was frightening, but I didn't always know what it was about.
It's about a woman.
We'll call her Carol.
She lives in New York City.
She has a glamorous job.
She's working PR, a lot of pressure, you know, a lot of friends and all this stuff.
Really has an exciting, interesting, vivid life.
But every night she goes to bed and she has a dream.
In the dream, she's driving on a country road.
She comes around a corner and she sees a house.
And the house is dark and abandoned and grim, and it fills her with terror.
The sight of this house fills her with terror.
But even though she's filled with terror, she feels compelled to stop the car and get out and approach this house.
It's got a long walk, front walk.
She walks up this front walk, and as she is walking up the front walk of this dark, looming house, the door slowly swings open.
And a butler dressed in black steps into the doorway.
And with a gasp of fear, Carol wakes up and she's terrified.
This happens to her every night.
She's living her vivid, lovely life.
Every night she's having this dream and she can't sleep.
Eventually, she's so afraid of going to sleep that she's losing sleep.
She's going nuts.
She calls a psychiatrist.
She goes to the psychiatrist.
The guy listens to the dream, driving on the winding road, coming around the curve.
There's the house.
Terror, filled with terror, walks up the walk to the house.
The door swings open.
The butler, she wakes up.
The psychiatrist says, you know, I really think what's happening is you are stressed out beyond belief.
Your life is so packed with stuff.
You've got to get out of town.
Go home.
Visit your family.
So she goes home to Connecticut.
She's driving up to Connecticut to visit her family when suddenly the road starts to look very familiar.
She thinks, oh my God, this is the road.
It can't be, but this is the road.
She comes around a corner, and there's the house.
She is filled with terror.
But all the same, she has to stop.
She stops the car.
She walks up the walk.
As she's walking up the walk, the door swings open.
And there's the butler dressed in black.
And she says to the butler, I live in the city, but every night I dream about this house.
And he says, no, you dream about the city.
The house is real.
She says, well, why does it fill me with so much terror?
And he says, because it's haunted.
She says, haunted by whom?
He says, by you.
All right, I'm Andrew Clavin.
This is the Andrew Clavin Show.
We will see you again tomorrow.
And yes, we will be here tomorrow.
We're off Wednesday, so we won't have a mailbag this time, but subscribe anyway.