All Episodes Plain Text
April 24, 2026 - Knowledge Fight
01:07:33
#1137: April 20, 2026 (The War Room)

Dan and Jordan dissect the April 20, 2026 episode of "The War Room," mocking its false claim that The Onion purchased InfoWars to demoralize their audience. They critique host Harrison Smith for conflating 420 with Hitler's birthday and analyze how critics hijack sincere outrage regarding an IDF soldier smashing a Jesus statue in Lebanon. The hosts also attack Ben Collins, a former NBC censor now at InfoWars, for using homophobic slurs while defending his wife's anti-Israel campaign, countering claims about the Al Shira hospital explosion. Finally, they ridicule Alex Jones's shirtless appearance as a low-effort performance following the alleged acquisition, contrasting it with Burt Kreischer's successful trope usage and noting the legal settlement involving Paul Weiss and Donald Trump as evidence of The Onion aligning with the "bad guy." [Automatically generated summary]

Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, Qwen/Qwen3-ForcedAligner-0.6B, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
Participants
Main
d
dan friesen
33:04
h
harrison smith
infowars 08:54
j
jordan holmes
15:38
Appearances
a
alex jones
infowars 01:40
|

Speaker Time Text
Welcome to Knowledge Fight 00:01:28
alex jones
Knowledge fight.
Dan and Jordan, I am sweating.
unidentified
Knowledgefight.com.
alex jones
It's time to pray.
unidentified
I have great respect for knowledge fight.
alex jones
Knowledge fight.
I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys, saying we are the bad guys.
Knowledge fight.
unidentified
Dan and Jordan.
Knowledge fight.
Need money.
Stop it.
Andy and Kansas.
Andy and Kansas.
alex jones
It's time to pray.
Andy and Kansas, you're on the air.
unidentified
Thanks for holding.
Hello, Alex.
alex jones
I'm a Christian.
I'm calling in with your fan.
I love your word.
unidentified
Knowledgefight.
I love you.
Knowledgefight.com.
dan friesen
Welcome back to Knowledge Fight.
Hey, everybody.
I'm Dan.
jordan holmes
I'm Jordan.
dan friesen
We're a couple dudes.
I like to sit around, worship at the altar of Celine, talk a little bit about Alex Jones.
jordan holmes
Oh, indeed we are, Dan.
dan friesen
Jordan.
jordan holmes
Dan.
dan friesen
Jordan, quick question for you.
What's up?
jordan holmes
What's your bright spot today, buddy?
dan friesen
My bright spot today, Jordan, is that I am off on the road.
jordan holmes
Yay!
dan friesen
I'm calling you right now, and we're having this talk.
You don't know where I am.
jordan holmes
No, I don't.
dan friesen
And you know what?
You want to know something fun?
I don't know where I am.
jordan holmes
That's good news.
dan friesen
I have basically no idea where I am.
I was like, where?
A Trip Through Iowa 00:06:23
dan friesen
I can tell you that I'm in Iowa.
I know that.
jordan holmes
Are you on the way to somewhere else, and you felt like you had to stop?
dan friesen
Kind of.
50 50.
I didn't have to stop.
I probably could have.
jordan holmes
That is a weird thing.
Okay, 50 50.
unidentified
All right.
dan friesen
I could have driven further, probably, but I was getting a little bit sore and I wanted to settle in, get a little bit of work done.
And so it was the time to stop.
But I have no idea.
I'm somewhere in Iowa.
But I had quite a day yesterday of a launch.
I took off from Chicago.
And I'd planned to go to somewhere in Iowa, like a messing around.
It seems like a fun state.
What's going on in there?
I realize that a lot of the ambition for my trip is figuring out what's going on places.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
Why do I need to know what's going on places?
Anyway, Iowa, I'm looking into you.
So.
unidentified
Okay.
dan friesen
It's not quite that they're on notice, it's that I'm like, I'm poking around.
Okay, I gotcha.
jordan holmes
I got you.
This is not a general state of the country, Vietnam War kind of what's going on.
Just a regular what's going on.
unidentified
Maybe it is.
dan friesen
Because it's the 250th anniversary of America.
Maybe it is poking around.
jordan holmes
Oh, shit, you're right.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So maybe it is trying to figure out what's going on.
jordan holmes
I don't think people need to figure it out.
I think what's going on is very clear in their faces these days.
dan friesen
I'm getting a vibe, I'm getting a strong sense.
So, I was going to go, you know, and I still am.
I'm still going to spend some time here in Iowa.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
Wherever the hell I am in Iowa right now.
But I'm driving.
I'm driving.
Jordan?
jordan holmes
You're driving.
dan friesen
Turns out there's a city called Grand Detour in Illinois.
unidentified
Right.
dan friesen
And I think, wouldn't it be funny if I took a Grand Detour to Grand Detour?
jordan holmes
I mean, you went to Aroma Park, so you're doomed to punning now.
Punning is how you go through life.
dan friesen
Yes.
So I went to Grand Detour.
I took that detour.
Apparently, John Deere tractors started there.
I had no idea.
jordan holmes
It's a real out of the way kind of place.
unidentified
Quite.
dan friesen
Yeah.
Not much going on.
I got to stare at a river for a while, Rock River.
It was gorgeous, and I liked watching the flow of the river, but there wasn't a whole lot to do there.
So I'm in that area.
jordan holmes
So it's kind of a sign to go in a different direction.
dan friesen
Or just move on.
unidentified
Just go.
dan friesen
So I'm continuing my travels.
What do I stumble across?
But a town called Lost Nation, Illinois.
jordan holmes
Okay.
dan friesen
I found him.
unidentified
Don't.
jordan holmes
You should receive no reward for that.
unidentified
I demand no reward for that.
jordan holmes
I was there.
dan friesen
I saw it.
I got it.
Check it off the list.
jordan holmes
Dud, dud, dud.
dan friesen
And you know what I found?
What?
Nothing.
jordan holmes
What if it's a double bluff and that's where Atlanteans are living these days?
Right?
Like, there's no way you would think, you'd be like, nah, there's no way that it's them, but that's what they want you to think by making it obvious.
You know what I'm saying?
dan friesen
There was Lost Lake there, and I tried to go mess around with the lake a little bit, but it seemed like all the roads, like everything that was close to the lake, ended up being on someone else's property.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
So I would have to have crossed people's yards and stuff to get to the lake, and I didn't want to do that, so I just kind of left.
Lost Nation alone.
unidentified
Yeah.
jordan holmes
Well, I mean, presumably, if you ventured too far in there, you would never be able to return.
dan friesen
It's a risk I'm willing to take.
I mean, if I find the Atlanteans, then it's all worth it.
jordan holmes
It's probably a better life.
That's why they're still hanging around, right?
dan friesen
Yeah.
So I get back in the car.
I'm poking around on my GPS.
And wouldn't you fucking know it, there's a Lost Nation in Iowa.
There's another city called Lost Nation.
unidentified
Okay.
dan friesen
It's a little bit too far, but I decide, fuck it.
I'm going to go see both Lost Nations in a day.
jordan holmes
I would bet you see more than one.
dan friesen
So I went to Lost Nation, Iowa, also.
That was my continuation of that little jaunt.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
And there's a little more to see in Lost Nation, Iowa, I will say, but not a whole lot.
Kind of a sleepy town.
There was a pub there and like a main drag, just one street.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
This is not indicative of the town itself.
jordan holmes
Okay.
dan friesen
But I only saw women there.
Only women on the street.
unidentified
Okay.
dan friesen
I think that it might be the lost city of Amazons.
Okay.
jordan holmes
Maybe.
dan friesen
Maybe the lost nation of wherever fucking Wonder Woman came from.
unidentified
Could be.
dan friesen
Because there are no dudes anywhere.
unidentified
Okay.
dan friesen
It was boring.
Anyway, the point is that I, day one of this trip, have found two lost nations.
Indiana Jones couldn't do this shit.
I'm crushing it.
jordan holmes
Actually, he could.
That's one of the things that he really does.
He's done it a few times, even in the movies.
dan friesen
Right, a few times.
jordan holmes
He found aliens.
dan friesen
Yeah, give me time.
jordan holmes
I'm giving you time.
Two lost nations in a day.
You got to find the skull of an alien to get it going.
dan friesen
This is like Kanye's making eight beats a day for a summer.
I got two lost nations in a day.
You try.
Bartenders and Showers 00:03:06
jordan holmes
I mean, it's there.
There's a rope.
dan friesen
I'm the world's greatest archaeologist and anthropologist, and I'm excited to see what else I can find on this dumb trip.
jordan holmes
He wasn't a very good professor, and I think you'd be better than Indy at that.
dan friesen
No, probably not.
Maybe.
Who knows?
Look, the other thing was that I was going to camp.
And I'd meant to do that, but I wanted to get in a shower this evening.
I felt, or yesterday, I felt a little bit, uh, blah.
Um, so I chose a shitty hotel in, uh, somewhere in Iowa.
And, uh, I swear to you, I can't figure out how to turn on the shower.
There is no knob, there is no nothing.
I could turn on the water just fine.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
But switching it from faucet to, uh, shower head.
I can't figure it out.
I'm too embarrassed to go ask.
And to make matters worse, I also, like, as I was, like, having the water heat up before I would have put it to the shower head, I noticed it wasn't draining.
And so now there's standing water in the tub, but I can't get it to drain.
unidentified
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
dan friesen
So, I would have been better off at a consistent.
jordan holmes
And the clock is 10 minutes behind.
I think they're fucking with you.
I think they're fucking with you.
Or the person who was in that room before you was like, You have no idea how funny this is going to be to nobody later on in life.
dan friesen
It stinks of sabotage.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So, anyway, I'm having a good time.
But what's your bright spot?
jordan holmes
My bright spot is yesterday we did the outline for my next tattoo.
It's on the side, a little bit on the armpit.
And I'll tell you something right there.
A little sensitive.
A little bit of a.
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A little spot.
But overall, it's really not that bad.
And the tattoo itself is going to be gorgeous.
It's amazing.
Once again, it's Caitlin Drake McKay, my artist.
dan friesen
And you were saying that you were going in without really knowing what she designed, right?
jordan holmes
I send her some inspiration or something along those lines.
And she's so good.
On this last one, I sent her a specific galaxy.
And she wound up going down a little rabbit hole of learning all about it and all that stuff.
And then she makes some art.
Based on that, and she's so good and so talented that why would I want it anywhere else?
Somebody else might have it, and then it's gone from me for good.
So it's perfect.
unidentified
True.
jordan holmes
And then she said, and this is what's important to me.
This is my Bane Bright spot, because this is something about myself that I've realized over the years.
Like with bartenders, I had a, when I was alone, that there were bartenders.
I would go to those bars regularly, and eventually the bartenders would be like, man, You're a good dude.
I like having you in this bar.
Fuck yeah.
That to me is like, I won.
Buying Weed at Bars 00:15:09
jordan holmes
I beat you.
You know, it's that kind of thing.
And she said, I really enjoy tattooing you.
And I was like, boom, done.
That makes me feel so good because other people are assholes to everybody.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
Yeah.
You know what?
I feel like I want to celebrate this in terms of the tattooist and you, but I think most of my memories of the bartender version of exactly what you're talking about.
We were not sincere.
I think they were fucking with me because I tipped well.
jordan holmes
Listen, there was one specific bar that was across the street from my apartment that had roughly one person work there and one person go there, and both of those were me and the bartender.
So it was all right.
dan friesen
He was your by default favorite customer.
jordan holmes
Yeah, exactly.
dan friesen
That's the way.
unidentified
Awesome.
dan friesen
I'm excited to see the new piece.
I think it's always exciting.
unidentified
So.
dan friesen
Jordan, today we have an episode to do while I'm out here in the middle of Iowa.
And that is, we need to check back in on 420.
unidentified
Hit the bong.
jordan holmes
All right.
All right.
dan friesen
Because the war room happened after Alex went off air.
jordan holmes
Harrison Smith in the war room.
dan friesen
Harrison Smith hosting the war room.
This is, of course, the day that the news broke that the Onion had taken the reins.
Over at InfoWars.
So I thought, you know, we got Alex's response.
Let's take a little time to see what the dweebs out there think.
So, we'll do that.
And I will guarantee you a guest appearance from Alex.
unidentified
Okay.
dan friesen
He will show up.
It is not just going to be Harrison.
It's going to be too much Harrison because any is too much.
But we'll deal with it.
So, we start off, and he's talking about how it's 420, baby.
harrison smith
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the War Room.
I'm your host, Harrison Smith, coming to you live on this 20th of April.
It's 420, y'all.
The crew is cheering.
I don't know if you can hear that.
unidentified
The crew is literally cheering.
They love Hitler, I guess.
harrison smith
I don't know.
It's kind of weird, but all right, whatever.
You're into it.
dan friesen
Look, I get that everyone knows that 420 is Hitler's birthday.
I understand that.
But if it's your first go to, as opposed to hit the bong, weed, then you have a problem.
jordan holmes
Yeah, I'm a big fan of holding around some sort of device.
That I can press that would make a big boo sound.
And I would boo both of those.
I would boo the 420 one.
Frankly, weed is medicine.
You can't have fun now.
It can't be fun anymore.
It used to be fun when you had to go find a guy who had dirt weed who would then want to hang out with you afterwards.
dan friesen
But see, to me, 420 is still a celebration of that.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
To me, it's still a celebration of beanbag chairs, weird lighting.
And lava lamps.
jordan holmes
Sure, sure, but we're old.
unidentified
Fine.
dan friesen
It's still my culture.
jordan holmes
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
unidentified
Old culture.
Fair enough.
jordan holmes
Fair enough.
Who am I?
unidentified
Who am I?
dan friesen
I come from a culture where 420 is funny, and it has to do with all those trappings.
I'm going to get high.
I'm going to watch How High?
jordan holmes
Yeah.
Obviously.
dan friesen
Or Half Baked or Bong Water.
And then I'm going to eat a bunch of shit.
It's going to be great.
jordan holmes
Man, Harlan Williams.
Harlan Williams at Half Baked.
That's the only star I can think of.
dan friesen
The correct way to look at this is 420 is about weed.
Oh, did you know that it's also Hitler's birthday?
unidentified
Right.
dan friesen
If you say 420 is Hitler's birthday, oh, did you also know that people like it for weed?
jordan holmes
Right.
dan friesen
You're a mess.
jordan holmes
That is a problem.
That is a problem.
I would still boo it, though.
It's still a boo because I think it's one of those now, like, Trivia facts that have gone from the realm of being interesting to tell somebody to, like, yeah, we all fucking know that.
That's one of those trivia facts now.
Like, the Statue of Liberty is from France.
Everybody kind of gets that now, as opposed to it being a fun fact.
dan friesen
Yeah, fair enough.
I mean, like, I respect and admire your right to boo anything.
Just boo.
Boo away.
jordan holmes
I'm a booer.
I'm a hater.
dan friesen
So, we have another clip of Harrison here.
No boo.
unidentified
Well done.
jordan holmes
Well done.
dan friesen
So, Harrison had like a whole show planned.
I swear to God, it was going to be so good.
But then The Onion bought them.
unidentified
No.
harrison smith
I had a whole show planned out.
And then, about five minutes ago, it was announced that The Onion is buying InfoWars.
Maybe.
Potentially.
They might in the future buy InfoWars.
This is, of course, the second time that The Onion.
Has done the media rounds claiming that they own InfoWars, which means that they've legitimately published more fake news than we have at this point because it's just that's not true.
That's not true.
Maybe it's eventually true.
We'll get into it.
I'm going to spend a lot of time on that.
We'll be joined by Rex Jones in the third hour.
We'll certainly talk about it.
We'll get into it.
And we'll also, in general, and just by virtue of the modern cultural landscape, We will be funnier than the onion ever is these days.
It's kind of sad that that's the case.
We'll get into it.
We'll get into it.
dan friesen
We're going to be hilarious.
And for professional insight, we're going to be bringing in Alex's suit.
jordan holmes
I was just, I realized something.
We've always considered him to be somebody who wants to go out with that Colonel Travis kind of way.
Maybe he wants to go out of there will be blood way.
You know, like he screams, I've abandoned my boy.
And then he beats Harrison Smith to death.
And then he says, It's finished.
You know, maybe that's the way to go.
dan friesen
You know, hey, maybe.
Or, ooh, here's a possibility.
He wants his son to be Colonel Travis.
He wants his son to die.
jordan holmes
Hey, buddy, you get out there.
You're going to have a great time.
dan friesen
Yeah, go down with the ship, kid.
jordan holmes
You're the captain now, dog.
dan friesen
So, I think also that they have now officially published more fake news than us.
That means that when they had just lied about buying it once, they both had.
unidentified
Equal.
dan friesen
Both equal in terms of fake news.
unidentified
Right, right, right.
dan friesen
So this is them admitting, this is Harrison admitting that Infowars has published some fake news.
unidentified
Sure, sure.
jordan holmes
But only by a plus one.
dan friesen
It's still.
jordan holmes
You're not supposed to believe that.
No, it's an algebra problem, you know?
It's X plus one is the amount of fake news that the Onion produces as compared to InfoWars.
So even if X is zero, X plus one still means that they're the victor in terms of, well, or whatever it is you like.
dan friesen
But X can't be zero because the last time they did this, it was fake news.
jordan holmes
Ooh, that's a good point.
So at the very least, Harrison Smith is admitting to lying about one thing.
dan friesen
Yeah, yeah.
And now they've officially, the Onion has officially taken the lead.
This is a cell phone here, man.
Come on.
jordan holmes
I like this kind of Mario Kart style of lies.
You guys got to shoot the blue shell at the onion.
unidentified
You should have done that.
jordan holmes
And maybe you'll even get to keep in for us.
dan friesen
You dumbass shot a blue shell at yourself.
So, Harrison isn't only going to talk about the onion, but it is going to be a lot about the onion.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
He has some other world news that I think is relevant to talk on.
harrison smith
Finally, disturbing image shows IDF soldier smashing Jesus statue.
With acts in Lebanon, or as I like to call it, displaying Judeo Christian values, folks.
Here's the Christian part of that.
Here's the Judeo part right there.
Isn't that interesting?
unidentified
Whoa.
dan friesen
So I often say that I don't think there's anything wrong with criticizing Israel.
And I should actually probably be more direct than that.
I think there's something necessary about criticizing Israel.
I don't say that the criticism of Israel is okay as an attempt to both sides the issue.
The only thing I'm trying to bring attention to is that these people, like Tucker and Harrison, Do not care about the same things that a sincere critic of Israel or Zionism cares about.
They're trying to hijack other people's sincere outrage about a genocide and use that to demonize all Jews.
And I think that this clip is a helpful illustration of that distinction that I'm trying to get at.
Harrison is saying that the image of an IDF soldier smashing a statue of Jesus illustrates the Judeo and Christian parts of Judeo Christian values.
He's saying that Jews are hell bent on destroying Christianity, and you'd kind of have to be an idiot to not understand exactly what he's saying.
What Harrison and folks like him try to do is take the very real criticisms of Israel and throw bigotry into them, like fold it into the mix, while pretending that what they're doing and the version of criticism that they're engaging in is based in righteousness and like they are heroes standing up to a bully or whatever.
unidentified
But.
dan friesen
They're really more motivated in Trojan horsing this bigotry into it.
jordan holmes
Yeah, I mean, that's the strategy that's worked for them for the past 40 years or whatever.
You know, like whenever they first got onto the internet, very useful and necessary criticisms of the United States were ready and available, and they tricked people into taking those and turning them into shouldn't we be Nazis?
You know, that's their strategy.
dan friesen
It is largely what's done.
Like when the bailouts in 2009 and shit were going on, there's serious, serious, necessary criticisms of capitalism and the situation that we had all gotten ourselves into.
And they pretended to care about that while yelling about Rothschild bankers and, you know, that kind of shit.
It's what they do.
They fold these dumb shit things into things that other people might care about if they take it seriously.
unidentified
Yep.
dan friesen
So.
I, you know, my interest is a lot in that distinction because I think that it's very easy to think that someone is on your side or cares when they do not.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
And that people would need to play a little defense, I think, a little.
You know, it's not about purity testing or anything, but there is a level of defense that's required in the information war.
jordan holmes
Sure.
Well, I mean, I think it's easy to kind of turn it into a malicious thing or a kind of.
Intelligent thing by calling it kind of a controlled opposition because the opposition itself reinforces the dominant status quo, but it's more like a manipulated opposition.
These people think some of them or enough of them think they are fighting what you think you're fighting, only they're Nazis, you know?
They're tricked.
dan friesen
And they think that they're doing it better and more righteously, and the only correct way to do it.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
But their only correct way to do it involves.
You know, taking an image of an IDF soldier and being like, this is Jewish.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
This is what Jewish people are.
This is Judeo.
You know, like, it's like, that's, come on, man.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So the Onion does not own InfoWars.
unidentified
Right.
harrison smith
Like, go over it.
Just, Onion doesn't own us.
But, like, this is what I mean.
We could not, not that we would anyway, but we could not start publishing things saying, We're NBC.
This is NBC saying that, you know, whatever, and just like saying stuff.
Like, we just couldn't do that.
We'd get sued.
It wouldn't be allowed.
They're just doing it.
This is the second time they've done it.
Gone on TV and told people, We own InfoWars.
What do you think that's going to do?
Obviously, people are going to believe it because it's on the news, because they actually are the liars.
They actually are the.
Fakers, they actually do just straight up lie to your face about things with the intention of destroying InfoWars, of convincing people, oh, I better not support InfoWars because they've been sold and I don't want to support The Onion.
dan friesen
That argument does not hold up because The Onion can't demoralize the InfoWars audience anymore at this point.
Harrison's trying to pretend that The Onion is pretending to own InfoWars so people stop buying Alex's supplements from InfoWars, but Alex has already directed them to do that.
Any true InfoWars fans are already only buying from Big Lee, so there isn't an audience.
That's being persuaded to stop buying shit because they don't want their money to go to the Onion.
No one's buying shit from Infor's anymore, which is why they can't pay their rent, which is why the Onion was able to make this deal.
If the Onion controlling Infor somehow impacted the Alex Jones store or Bigly, then this would be a different situation.
But as it is, Alex has already self inflicted all of the damage that Harrison is pretending the Onion is trying to do here.
It's just a conspiracy with no point.
jordan holmes
Yeah, I wouldn't you be like, Yeah, do it, guys.
We, anybody who is still straggling with moving from one platform to the other, you guys have helped us get rid of them.
Now they have to move to Big Lee.
Otherwise, they're going to support The Onion.
dan friesen
Yeah, yeah.
You have given us a high profile putting us out of our music.
unidentified
I would be stoked.
dan friesen
Yeah, yep.
And I think on some level they are.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
You know, but I also, you know, it's a mixed bag.
It's a mixed bag.
I think probably.
You know, there's a lot of pros to it, but then there's a lot of cons.
You have a lot of people making fun of you.
And that's never fun.
unidentified
It kind of hurts.
jordan holmes
We've definitely proven that making fun of people can cost them money if you do it well enough.
dan friesen
And it hurts your feelings.
It hurts feelings.
unidentified
Sure.
jordan holmes
I mean, the move is to lie and be real mad about it and then secretly be like, heeee, giddy, about how they're giving you more money.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So, Harrison complains a bit more about The Onion.
The Establishment Claims 00:15:48
dan friesen
And it's, I mean, he's, he is dull.
harrison smith
This is the article from The Onion.
At long last, InfoWars is ours.
No, it's not, though.
Like, what are you talking about?
This is the thing.
It just doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter because you understand they're the establishment.
Understand the onion is the establishment, the onion is the bad guys.
We don't take ourselves too seriously.
We sell low IQ hats because we, you know, mock the whole idea of the establishment dictating to us what we can and can't say, can and can't believe.
dan friesen
So, to be clear, they sell low IQ hats because Alex is a bottom feeder who survives by monetizing any attention that comes his way.
And he thought that getting insulted by the president was a pretty good opportunity.
jordan holmes
Yeah, great opportunity.
dan friesen
The guy he spent a decade saying was brought to power by God called him an idiot.
So he made a hat that you can wear that says idiot because you're a free thinker.
And in fairness, Harrison is kind of right that the onion is the establishment, but that term really doesn't mean anything anymore.
Trump is the establishment.
CNN's the establishment.
Elon Musk's the establishment.
The Daily Show is the establishment.
The establishment doesn't carry any kind of consistent position anymore.
It's all just, it kind of just means well funded or not so desperate for money that you would sell a low IQ hat.
Like, it doesn't mean anything like it felt like it used to.
Like, the man doesn't.
Everyone's selling out.
Like, there's no shame in selling out anymore.
It's not the world that we grew up in.
jordan holmes
Who's owned by the right billionaire?
Like, there's probably a billionaire that doesn't own The Onion and a billionaire owns CNN and a billionaire owns all that stuff.
That's the establishment.
dan friesen
If not owns, you know, has financial ties too, you know, or whatever.
jordan holmes
Like, if you can't.
The thing about it, right, is if you can call somebody to change the.
Their bullshit, then those people already operate under the idea that pleasing you involves changing their bullshit.
So before you have to call and say anything, you have changed your bullshit.
That's the way that that kind of functions.
dan friesen
Yeah, there's a prior constraint that comes along with, or at least the image of that, the feel of that.
And that's not to say that the Onion isn't independent.
I have no reason to believe that they don't have as much independence as you can have.
But they, you know, it would be silly to imagine that they're not like, Connected to very rich people with strong interests and things too.
unidentified
Yep.
dan friesen
So, I don't know.
But, like, so's InfoWars.
So, like, are they the establishment too?
jordan holmes
Yeah, basically.
I think we're the only people who are not the establishment.
dan friesen
I think that they're not, but only because they're such dorks.
Like, I think because they do things like sell low IQ hats, the establishment doesn't want them.
But.
Alex could still probably call some rich people.
They just wouldn't give him money.
They'd answer, but they wouldn't give him money.
unidentified
Yeah.
Yeah.
jordan holmes
I mean, you know, the reason that selling out has to happen now is because it feels like the only way to get an established audience is by joining the establishment.
Otherwise, you'll be like us and you'll kind of be really cool, but on the edge, on the outside.
dan friesen
I don't know if I'm that cool, but I did find two Lost Nations in a day.
See what happens?
It has to be a record.
I found them.
jordan holmes
The Onion didn't find shit.
dan friesen
Nope.
So, in this next clip, Harrison, I would say, accuses Ben Collins, the CEO of The Onion, of a crime that Ben could almost certainly sue Harrison for.
harrison smith
He's like, Ben Collins, who's the CEO of The Onion, is the one telling everybody that he purchased us.
But again, it just, they can lie.
They can misrepresent us.
They can say that they're us.
They can claim that they own us.
Nothing happens to them.
They can rig a federal bankruptcy proceeding and just nothing happens to them.
They just get away with it.
It really is crazy.
And, like, that to me is the only disheartening thing about this.
So, you know, I don't really care about The Onion.
I mean, for the record, I went ahead and asked Grok today.
Infowars has two times the traffic of The Onion, at least, like, on a monthly basis.
And this is with The Onion having poured millions and millions of dollars trying desperately to regain the cultural cachet that they have lost over the last several decades.
dan friesen
I think Ben could sue Harrison for that.
Ben's almost certainly a public figure, so the defamation threshold is high.
But Harrison's accusing him of a crime, and he absolutely knows that accusation is false as he's saying it.
There's no way that this isn't defamatory.
But more importantly, I'm glad that Harrison's robot friend reassured him that he was more popular than The Onion.
It's interesting that he uses the metric of internet traffic because the whole push of The New Onion has been to bring back the print version of the paper.
It's not like they've abandoned the internet or stopped trying to get traffic, but their focus has been on the paper.
And by anyone's count, that's been quite a big success.
They've done a good job of bringing back the physical copy of the paper.
Which makes me want to ask Harrison if he wants to go back to Grok and ask how the circulation of InfoWars magazine is going, or if that hasn't existed in like 12 years because no one wanted it.
But I have it.
Yes, you do.
jordan holmes
Yes, you do.
No doubt.
dan friesen
Antiques.
No, not quite.
12 years as an antique, but we're getting there.
jordan holmes
Yeah, I mean, I hate to say this, but as far as advertisements for not suing for defamation goes, I think where we are is about as good as it gets.
unidentified
Right.
dan friesen
Well, I agree.
And I think that it wouldn't be worth his time to sue.
I only bring it up as, like, you know, a part and parcel of what Harrison is doing is like, They get away with so much, and we can't get away with anything.
And just to highlight, like, no, you engage in casual defamation that no one even cares about because they know it would be too much trouble to deal with your dumbasses who don't cooperate in courts.
So, like, you get away with everything.
unidentified
Yeah.
jordan holmes
I mean, it must be said that that strategy is absolutely correct.
And that the legal system is fucked.
dan friesen
I only want to change the word correct to, um, Useful.
unidentified
There we go.
jordan holmes
Much better.
dan friesen
Correct implies it's what you should do.
It's just that it's effective.
jordan holmes
I mean, if you're against the law.
dan friesen
So, Harrison reflects here a little bit about other times people have tried to parody InfoWars.
harrison smith
There was an attempt to do this.
There was an attempt to do this on Comedy Central with a show.
I can't even remember what it's called now, but they tried to do it because Colbert was good at this.
Stephen Colbert.
Could mock the right wing and it would be insightful and hilarious and funny.
Well, and at the time he was mocking neocons, so it was easy.
You know, it wasn't the populist right that it is now.
And they thought they could do that again.
They thought, like, well, we struck gold with Colbert and the Colbert Report, where he was playing basically, you know, Fox News anchor.
And they thought, we'll do it again.
You know, the landscape has changed.
Fox News is a big threat.
Infowars is now.
They had some show I literally cannot remember the name of.
Guys, do y'all know the Dispatch or something?
I can't remember what it was.
But it was on for like a season or two.
And they had all the papers and they had the microphone.
I mean, they made it look like InfoWars.
And it was a big InfoWars parody.
And it just nobody watched it.
Nobody cared about it.
It failed.
dan friesen
So that show was called The Opposition with Jordan Klepper.
And I'm glad that Harrison reminded me of it so I could go revisit some of the old segments that Tim Baltz did as a citizen journalist.
jordan holmes
Oh, that's fun.
dan friesen
I want Baltz to have all the possible work in the world.
He's the best.
But if the opposition hadn't gotten canceled, I might not have gotten Hey Randy.
So I'm a little conflicted, and maybe I'm glad it went away because Hey Randy is the greatest thing that has ever happened.
It's fun for Harrison to say that the reason that satire of the current right wing doesn't work is because they're too right about everything.
But the reality is that their content's just too stupid to parody.
His boss thinks God tells him what time it is in the middle of the night so he'll know it's really God who's sending him on missions.
That's the reality of Harrison's life and work situation, and there's no joke funnier than him pretending that he deserves to be taken seriously.
Like, the existence of it is a great joke.
Also, The Opposition may have been canceled after one season, but there's definitely one pretty successful, widely listened to, generally fairly funny show that criticizes InfoWars that's been going for about nine years now.
So, I think it would be wise for Harrison to understand that where his views and world may be so dumb that traditional satire has a hard time mocking it, we don't.
We are fine.
We got this.
jordan holmes
We're darn good at it.
dan friesen
We have some practice.
But yeah, maybe it doesn't work on.
Here's the thing.
You know what?
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
The opposition on Comedy Central would absolutely work if they started a supplement company.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
Like, if they found that kind of funding, like, doing it as an actual TV show is.
It's going to fail.
But so would Infowars.
Infowars wouldn't succeed as a TV show either.
The sponsors would get pulled constantly.
It would never fly on network television.
jordan holmes
I mean, I think what we need to do here is just disambiguate work in terms of because I think a lot of people have a different definition while we're saying different things about the same word.
Like, what does work mean?
Does it mean long running show?
Does it mean three seasons is working?
That it was produced at all?
Does that mean it works?
Is it successful at accomplishing its goal but not popularly?
You know, like any number of these definitions of work could be applied.
I'm not sure what these people or what any of us really think would be working.
Is it really like the destruction of InfoWars is the only reasonable definition of work that we're all kind of operating by?
dan friesen
I don't know.
I think probably getting some blows in.
You know, that seems to me like what the.
I think that Harrison feels unscathed by the opposition.
jordan holmes
If we're scoring the boxing match, we've got a lot of jabs, but we don't have any real hits.
unidentified
Mm hmm.
dan friesen
Mm hmm.
Yeah, or seems slightly threatening to.
Like, I think that the people who were doing that show, their definition of work would have been can we make a good television program out of this?
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
And I think on some nights they did, and on some nights it wasn't as good.
unidentified
I don't know.
dan friesen
I didn't watch it regularly, but I mean, like I said, Tim Baltz is fucking great.
Any show with him on it is not that bad.
jordan holmes
You know, it just occurred to me that all of their dumb.
Language, you know, that dumb thing where they're like, Watch who you can't criticize if you're worried about who's oppressing you or anything like that.
We're the only people that nobody speaks the name of.
dan friesen
It does kind of make you think that we are running InfoWars, right?
jordan holmes
I mean, like, no one is speaking our name, nobody will say our name.
dan friesen
If the people you can't criticize are the people who really rule over you, then it, like, we must be the shadow puppeteers of InfoWars, right?
That's a good point.
jordan holmes
If you're commanded not to speak about us, it's hard not to say.
dan friesen
So, this next clip, I think, is just shocking and really, really gross.
unidentified
Oh, yeah.
harrison smith
So, Ben Collins is, I don't know who this guy is.
I'm looking him up, and he's like, he was the censor at NBC.
He'd basically go on and cry that people are allowed to say things that he disagreed with.
And it's actually kind of funny because he would go on NBC and talk about COVID 19 or the vaccine or whatever else.
And now you can go back and look and be like, oh, yeah, he was wrong about all of that stuff because that's.
That's what his job was.
His job was to go up and silence people telling the truth.
That's 100% actually what he did.
But, you know, the whole Israel war thing has kind of thrown all of the old alliances and dividing lines into flux.
And so I'm looking, and Ben Collins apparently got a lot of heat for reporting on the, I think it was the Al Shira.
I might be getting that wrong.
But it was that first hospital that was bombed by Israel in Gaza.
And, you know, it was ridiculous because, you know, they'd just been carpet bombing everything, taking credit for it.
And then they hit a hospital and they're like, what?
unidentified
Us?
harrison smith
No way.
Absolutely not.
And so I give Ben Collins credit for the fact that he reported the story in the first place, but he didn't claim it was Israel that did it.
And then when people like pushed back on him, he's like, oh, I never said, I never said that it was Israel that did it.
I just think people need to know that people died.
And I'm just, so it's like, We actually do what you do, but better and more courageously, you little rat, you little coward, you little scumbag, boot licking queer.
Trying to be nice.
I'm trying to use nice words.
Twink?
I'm sorry, twink is the right word?
Thank you, crew.
Apparently, he's married to that cat, Abigazella woman or whatever, who had that just utterly embarrassing congressional campaign where she would like, Sleep through appearances she was supposed to have and be like, I have narcolepsy.
Stop, stop mocking me.
Yeah, we're going to see another sad onion.
We're going to see another sad onion here pretty soon.
I have the feeling.
So, but like, this is weird.
So, I wonder if Ben Collins, who very like in a cowardly and tepid, just faggoty sort of way, refused to actually report what he believed because he was scared of the backlash.
See, I actually reported.
The obvious fact that Israel bombed a hospital because I'm not a coward.
unidentified
All right.
harrison smith
So they claim to believe things.
They claim to be on the side of the underdog.
They claim to be fighters for truth.
They claim to be engaged in an information war.
But they're liars.
They're cowards.
And when they lose the information war, they wage a financial lawfare series of attacks against us and then lie about their success because they're everything that they say we are.
It's pure projection across the board.
dan friesen
This is wild stuff.
For one thing, Kat does have narcolepsy, and the campaign that Harrison is calling pathetic was probably one of the most anti Israel government campaigns that a non Nazi has run for public office in my lifetime.
Regret Over Nick Cannon 00:13:16
dan friesen
I don't know why he would want to.
If he was a sincere critic of Israel and APEC donating to candidates, I don't know why he wouldn't be on board with what Kat did.
Obviously, a lot of this is just personal attacks, and Harrison is super angry, but I think this also enters into territory that isn't fair.
Kat has been one of the larger public in the media voices who's been very clear about Gaza from the beginning and ran a campaign for Congress that pulled no punches on it.
Ben was with her and publicly supported her the whole way.
To pretend that he's in some way afraid to criticize Israel is nonsense, and this is Harrison being out of his lane.
I'm not going to defend every story that Ben ever reported in his career, but in this case, Harrison is not being fair.
After the explosion at this hospital in Gaza, the New York Times. Published a headline saying, Israeli strikes kill hundreds in hospital, Palestinians say.
Ben went on the news and reported on this story, and later that headline from the Times was changed to, Hundreds dead in blast at Gaza hospital, Palestinians say, taking away the Israeli strike part of it, which wasn't even something the headline was reporting.
It was still part of what the Palestinians said, but even so, the Times still walked it back.
So, Ben got attacked a ton for not correcting himself after the headline was changed because they thought the critics and people who were coming down on him were saying that he was being too critical of Israel.
This is the beef that he had then that Harrison is misrepresenting.
Harrison may be able to say that he himself has always said that Israel bombed that hospital, but I know that Alex didn't.
If he's so mad about what Ben Collins did, how can Harrison possibly work for a guy who said this?
alex jones
So, after all the drama yesterday, it turns out the Gaza hospital wasn't bombed, the parking lot was, and 500 people didn't die.
Oh, and the rocket wasn't from Israel, it was from a failed rocket.
The Palestinian terrorist shot at Israel.
Absolutely insane, says Robbie Starbuck on Twitter.
Yeah, that's a true statement.
And here's a radar track.
And by the way, the Palestinians don't deny this.
They've had over 400 rockets fall and explode that they launched on their own territory in just the last year.
And so that's what they're doing.
When you're firing hundreds of rockets over a hospital and one of them doesn't work right, well, you know, what do you do?
Well, you just go to CNN and tell them Israel did it.
dan friesen
So.
What about that, Harrison?
How do you deal with that?
Like, you've worked for that guy for three years after that point.
Your identity is based on pretending he's the tip of the spear.
What's your criticism of that if you're so mad that you gotta resort to gay bashing slurs to try to attack Ben?
Like, it's nonsense.
jordan holmes
We can have a difference of opinion.
That's no problem.
You know, but the problem is that it's a woman.
A woman can't have a difference about, frankly, a woman having an opinion at all.
Very threatening.
dan friesen
A woman or a man that has been deemed effeminate in a way that Harrison wants to depict as gay.
jordan holmes
It is really good.
It is really good of that to help us, though, understand the way they view gender.
You have this concept of the lies that they've told you, but it's them and anybody who is slightly less physically oppressive than them are men.
And then everybody who can be hit is a woman.
dan friesen
Alex, if you yelled at him about saying that this Palestinian hospital was not attacked by Israel, if you complained about his coverage, he might hit you or scream at you.
Whereas Ben Collins would politely disagree with you and maybe argue.
unidentified
Yeah.
jordan holmes
That's basically it.
dan friesen
Awesome.
Life's good.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So I think that Harrison really needs to reflect on that.
All of his criticisms.
Were they valid, would have led him to quit his job by now.
And the fact that he hasn't kind of invalidates the idea that he cares.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So I think that one of Harrison's big problems is that the onion isn't funny.
And obviously it's a matter of taste.
jordan holmes
Is that a big problem for him in his personal life?
Or is it a big problem because he's angry about how they're not funny?
Or is it something that he's grateful they're not funny for, giving him the opportunity to mock them?
dan friesen
I think the middle one, and I think he thinks the last one.
unidentified
Gotcha.
dan friesen
He's wrong, as we find when he decides to start reading onion headlines to prove they're not funny.
harrison smith
Pentagon develops a tactical zoot suit.
Okay, very timely, very clever.
unidentified
Okay.
harrison smith
U.S. fertility rate plummets to pre Nick Cannon levels.
Hilarious.
It's absolutely hilarious.
unidentified
Okay.
harrison smith
This is where they take an actual serious issue and then.
I was going to say make a joke out of it, but jokes are supposed to be funny.
Man who threw a Maltoff cocktail at Sam Altman's home claims he was following ChatGPT recipe for risotto.
Hilarious.
I can't stop laughing.
That's so funny.
I'm silently laughing right now.
That's what you're hearing.
Okay.
So, I do like what even is this?
dan friesen
I don't know, man.
So, I think that, like, that I regret to inform you that it is Jafar, that click hole article.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
Do you know that one?
unidentified
Huh?
dan friesen
It's one of the best internet things that has ever existed.
unidentified
Okay.
dan friesen
It is just.
A slew of, we regret to inform you.
We take no pleasure in this.
It's Jafar.
And then there's a picture of Jafar.
And then there's another sort of like, we tried to avoid this, but circumstances out of our control have led to it being Jafar.
And it just goes on.
It's great.
It's one of the funniest fucking things ever.
But I could deliver it dryly and act confused about it, and then it wouldn't be funny.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
So some of these headlines, maybe they're not The Onion's best work, but if you're going to read it like that, of course they're not going to be funny.
jordan holmes
Well, what I like best about it is that even if you don't think they are funny or the lines themselves are not delivered with the kind of style they need to be, him reacting to them is fucking hilarious.
Trying so hard to not enjoy something is funny on its own face.
Like, there were a couple of times where it's like, he knows that's.
He was even delivering it with the end little punchline being, ah, shit, that's pretty good.
And then he has to pretend that he hates it.
dan friesen
And I think that there's an inherent problem too, which is that they're supposed to believe that the onion is like this woke scold kind of like everything is super PC thing.
And then they're making a joke about Nick Cannon having a lot of kids.
Like you would think that that wouldn't be within the realm of what those censorious people would allow.
You know, like this is, no, I don't know about this.
jordan holmes
When he said after it, and this is one where they take some serious issue and kind of try and make a joke out of it.
I was like, is Nick Cannon having too many kids a serious issue now?
Have we reached that point?
dan friesen
Oh, he's talking about white children.
jordan holmes
Have the 70s kind of come back and been like, dude, Nick Cannon is causing the overpopulation crisis?
dan friesen
Let's face it the population bomb.
So I think that Harrison is maybe talking too much about this, that his problem is that they're not funny.
If only they were funny, Jordan, then everything would be all right.
harrison smith
This is the most offensive part.
If they were funny, I wouldn't have an issue with it.
If they're actually capable of taking what we believe and making fun of it and making it funny.
And we're, you know, I'm sitting next to a low IQ hat.
You think we take ourselves all that seriously?
Now, the things we talk about are serious.
And we believe that, just like people from The Onion believe that.
Of course, the way they approach it is a fabricated, faux, assumed countenance of being above it all and just mocking people who care about anything.
But, like, say the N word to them, see what they care about, see if they care, see how mad they get.
We need to violate one of their precious cultural norms.
These people are not free thinkers.
They are not even funny, but they're certainly not like saying anything profound or providing insight into anything going on in the world.
dan friesen
But they would be if they used slurs.
Like, I don't know, man.
This is stupid.
jordan holmes
Does that mean that they have to think we're funny?
Because the way they responded to it is due to the fact that we were funny, right?
They have to believe that.
unidentified
What?
dan friesen
Say more what you mean by the word theory.
jordan holmes
I mean, with formulaic objections.
Based on his own logic, they have to believe we are funny.
dan friesen
At least someone does.
Right?
I don't know if Rob Dew probably didn't enjoy his time in the sun, but, like, yeah, someone had to recognize that this was, like, pointed in a way that caused damage to them through humor.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So whether or not they thought it was haha funny, they thought it was funny in a way that meant something.
unidentified
Yeah.
jordan holmes
That's what I'm saying.
dan friesen
Because it changed behavior.
jordan holmes
They should have been okay with it.
That's my point here if it would have been okay, if the onion would have been okay with their bullshit if they were actually funny, then by admitting that we are actually funny by changing their behavior, they actually shouldn't have changed their behavior because they're okay with it because we're actually funny.
dan friesen
Maybe being okay with it is actually what it means is a begrudging kind of like, all right.
unidentified
Okay.
All right.
dan friesen
Maybe it's not actually being okay with it.
Maybe actually what he's trying to express is I'm really desperate to find ways to complain about this that don't make me look like a loser.
And that's kind of, you know, they're not even funny is a good way to pretend that, like, not only am I not mad, I'm so not mad that I'm cool and I wish they were funnier.
unidentified
Yeah.
Yeah.
jordan holmes
I have to say that I'm, I mean, it can't be said any other way.
I regret.
I regret to let you know that it is Jafar.
dan friesen
I wish, you know, Louis C.K. was taken over.
He says words, you know?
I wish Michael Richards was taken over.
He says words.
jordan holmes
I wonder if we're there yet.
I wonder if we're at the point where you can buy a comedian to say the words that you want.
unidentified
Right?
dan friesen
I don't know if we were not ever there.
jordan holmes
Well, okay, that's a fair point.
That's a fair point.
That's a fair point.
dan friesen
I meant, there were a lot of, like, really famous people who were on Cameo because some comedians don't make nearly as much as you imagine they do.
jordan holmes
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, I'm just more thinking are we at the place where you're on stage wearing like a F1 badge of advertising kind of thing?
Like, you know, oh, by the way, this set is brought to you by Petronas or whatever it is.
dan friesen
There may be subtle ways that that is already happening.
I mean, everyone's podcast has sponsors.
unidentified
Yeah, that's true.
dan friesen
So many comics have podcasts.
jordan holmes
I got a new five minute orange juice bit that really just makes you want to buy orange juice.
dan friesen
Brought to you by Tropicana.
So, the moment, I got to be honest, this show sucks.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
Harrison is a whiny little punk, and I don't care about him at all.
He's illustrating why no one would care if this went away.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
And of course, the tension is where's Alex?
Is Alex going to show up?
Everyone wants Alex to show up.
And so, finally, about an hour and a half ish into the show, Alex shows up.
harrison smith
And all that we ask is that you go to thealexjones.com.
That's it.
That's the way that we get funding.
That's the way that we stay on air.
Unlike The Onion, who's got all this backing and all this crap.
Uh oh.
Folks, The Onion has stolen the shirt off of Alex Jones's back.
jordan holmes
Ah, it's a shirt.
harrison smith
And that's a sad thing to see.
jordan holmes
There it is.
harrison smith
Are you an employee of The Onion now, Alex?
alex jones
No, we laugh about this, but a year and a half ago, they announced that they now owned us.
Yep.
And it was all fraud.
This time, they've had a court hearing and they're announcing they own us.
James Bond Shirtless 00:03:09
dan friesen
To paint you a picture, Alex has slowly lumbered onto the set wearing no shirt, standing behind the desk while Harrison looks on and tries to maintain his self respect.
Alex isn't sitting at the desk, so his face isn't well lit, and he's just a topless man complaining in the shadows.
What is clearly visible on the desk, however, is a hat that says low IQ.
The feeling you get here is that Alex knew that everyone wanted a blow up, and he just can't muster the energy to do it.
There's no point anymore.
Like, all the customers who are going to migrate to the new store are already doing it.
So, if he blows up or not, the bottom line is the same.
Sleepy Alex staggering in without a shirt feels like low effort, low commitment InfoWars.
It's checked out.
And if anything, it gives the vibe of a drunk stepdad walking in from a midday nap to complain about something and bother you.
That's really what it feels like.
I think.
Six years ago, five years ago, Alex walking in on the show, topless.
Awesome.
We are cooking with gas.
Something's going to happen here.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
The elements are here for chaos.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
Now I see him stumble out of the control room into the studio, and I'm like, oh, man.
jordan holmes
A shaved Sasquatch.
Somebody shaved a Sasquatch, and now it's ambling behind the camera.
A little bit blurry, so we can't even see if it's actually Sasquatch.
unidentified
Yeah.
jordan holmes
Oh, God.
dan friesen
It reminds me of June Diane Raphael from How Did This Get Made?
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
They were covering the James Bond movie, View to a Kill.
And, you know, Bond is the guy who plays him pretty old in that movie.
Wow.
And she was talking about how, like, he's doing these adventures and, like, bedding these women and, like, getting in a hot tub.
Her feeling while watching was, like, oh, no, you're old.
You can't do this.
unidentified
This.
jordan holmes
You're going to get heartburn.
unidentified
Yeah, this is.
dan friesen
No, no, no, no.
You got to be more careful.
And that's kind of how I feel about Alex coming out without a shirt in 2026.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
It's kind of like old James Bond.
It's like, oh, no, This isn't fun and sexy and dangerous anymore.
It's just kind of like, oh.
jordan holmes
I think it would be better if we weren't aging.
If we weren't also aging, it wouldn't be a reminder of the possibilities that life will fucking.
Bear upon you over time.
But, you know, he doesn't use lotion, and I feel like that's a big issue.
dan friesen
I think he probably does use lotion, and it's made from krill.
It's made from chaga mushrooms and the greatest methylene yellow.
jordan holmes
Ah, he's missing it.
I got a 15 minute Juergens bit that would really get to him.
dan friesen
Brought to you by Nivea.
Plugging Ridiculous Products 00:04:19
dan friesen
Ironic.
jordan holmes
Jurgen sucks.
Nivea rules.
dan friesen
So, Alex tries to do a little bit of a riff about his shirt.
They took his shirt and that.
jordan holmes
Oh, yeah, I get you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
dan friesen
I would say that this bit is dead on arrival.
alex jones
Look, just because you're wearing my shirt, don't mean you're me.
So, let's be 100% clear about that.
And so, you guys just keep laughing just like you did a year and a half ago, or it was November 2024.
Does that have a year and a half?
harrison smith
Yeah, this is a story from December 10th.
Sale of Alex Jones' Infowars to The Onion rejected.
And I'll get into this.
alex jones
Yeah, so just, just, just, but yeah, they need to be us to confuse people.
By the way, it's a total failure.
It's over the fifth biggest newspaper.
That's a lie.
Newspapers are all dead.
harrison smith
I looked it up.
The Onion gets less than half of the traffic that Infowars gets.
dan friesen
Grok told me.
I talked to my robot friend.
unidentified
Did you look it up?
dan friesen
I talked to robots.
They said I was cooler.
jordan holmes
Why would a Grok tell you the truth?
dan friesen
Why would a Grok tell you.
That's a good setup.
unidentified
There we go.
jordan holmes
Now, why would a Grok tell you that?
Of course, the Grok would tell you that you're doing well.
It's a Grok.
If you say InfoWars is getting a lot of traffic, you might be a Grok.
dan friesen
Here's another Grok will tell you this.
ChatGPT will be all like this.
jordan holmes
Oh, man.
We're doing real shit now.
dan friesen
ChatGPT's be shopping.
I think that there's something there.
I'll go find a comedy club here in Iowa and test this out.
jordan holmes
I think it'll be a lot less aggressively race-basing than the old Def Jams.
unidentified
Sure.
jordan holmes
But those were delightful.
dan friesen
It'll be biased along AI lines.
So, Alex, he's talking about the Onion and how they're working with the people who are working with Trump now.
And he sort of just wanders off plugging.
harrison smith
No, it's ridiculous.
And again, yeah, they just do it, they get away with it.
alex jones
The Paul Weiss law firm ran all this.
Trump settled with them, they settled, and now Trump's on their side.
unidentified
Yep.
alex jones
So, hey, feel good, guys.
You're on Trump's side.
You said it was so bad.
harrison smith
Yeah, exactly.
No, that's exactly it.
They are literally on the bad guy's side.
So, yeah, it's going to fail.
dan friesen
He's yelling from across the room Hey, we don't own that one.
Tell people to go buy from a place where I can get the money.
It's a mess.
Just a bad look.
jordan holmes
That's a lot like when you ask the, Hey, buddy, how about you go watch football?
You ask your uncle one Thanksgiving day, and then he hears your conversation from across the room and still starts shouting bullshit at you.
And you're like, We tried to get rid of you!
Leave us alone!
dan friesen
I thought you were napping.
I thought you were day drunk and you passed out.
What the fuck?
jordan holmes
Please get more day drunk.
dan friesen
I think that there's something interesting, too, about like 10 years into this phase of Infowars, him being like, Congratulations, Onion.
Now you're on the side of the guy that I cried about.
And said, God sent me on missions for.
jordan holmes
I'm very confused.
I'm not sure where I stand anymore.
I've done a lot of things that betray any principles I want to have.
And that means you're stupid.
dan friesen
You like the guy who I gave up everything for.
And that means you're dumb.
jordan holmes
I literally gave him the shirt off my back, rendering this bit ironically poignant.
unidentified
Mm hmm.
dan friesen
There is just something so beautifully, Alex, about.
Yelling a plug as you stagger away from the desk, though.
That feels like if we ever had a last shot of Alex that could ever exist, it would be good if it's that.
That seems like he could disappear into the woods and no one has heard of him since he plugged.
unidentified
Right.
Fitbit Returns and Watches 00:03:47
jordan holmes
Because he stops shaving and then he's just a regular Sasquatch.
He returns to his people once he came.
dan friesen
Yeah.
Well, I mean, we've gotten now to a point where he has no heroes.
jordan holmes
Ah, that's true.
dan friesen
Yeah.
So, Harrison gets back to work and then about.
10 minutes later, Alex shows back up with a shirt and is boring as hell.
And I'm not going to play any of it.
But there's like, he's talking about how he doesn't like wealth.
And it's like, we have your watches, man.
We know what kind of lifestyle you're living.
jordan holmes
There is no way to not say that you are into wealth with an expensive watch.
Like that, the watch itself is an expression of how you want people to view you as wealthy.
dan friesen
Yeah, we each have one of his watches.
unidentified
And.
dan friesen
I have texts that he's sent about luxury items that he buys and stuff.
So, come on.
Fuck all this nonsense.
jordan holmes
Oh, no.
If I ever put a watch on, that was.
I don't even particularly have any interest in wearing one of those smart watches.
They're too much for me.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
dan friesen
Yeah.
I like a Fitbit, but that's just because I like to.
See, a Fitbit is for broke people.
jordan holmes
Yeah, a Fitbit is a broke person thing.
That's cool.
I'm cool with a Fitbit.
dan friesen
Hell yeah, I'm still cool.
So, this is where we're going to end our little jaunt with Harrison.
But I think you need to, you know, in the interest of completeness for the day and what happened, you definitely need the Alex with his shirt off coming back.
We need that to be part of the canon.
But it's diminishing returns, it's underwhelming a bit.
jordan holmes
It's deflationary.
I mean, it's almost like he's devaluing the.
Like, Burt Kreischer.
He has to have his shirt off.
It's meaningless.
If he wears a shirt, it's meaningless.
But Burt Kreischer has deflated his currency of shirtlessness so much it's a trillion dollars just to buy a laugh with a shirtless man.
dan friesen
Can I actually?
Well, you know, you phrase that in such an interesting way.
I think that Burt Kreischer has made shirtlessness incredibly valuable, but only for him.
It's devalued it for other people, but it's essential to his act.
jordan holmes
That's fair.
That is fair.
You're right.
That's more close to what I was trying to express.
dan friesen
Yeah, yeah.
It's a weird money that only works for him.
jordan holmes
Yes, yes.
There we go.
Now it makes sense.
dan friesen
And I don't know.
I think that if Alex was way more out of shape, it'd be good.
Or if he was at his point when he was the most shredded, it would be good.
But he's kind of in between now, too.
So it's like no one's blown away by looking at him without a shirt.
unidentified
Yeah.
dan friesen
So it's not even shocking.
I don't know.
Anyone care?
No.
jordan holmes
No.
It's hard to think that far in advance, though.
You know, like if you think you should be shredded for an appearance like this, you got to be working for a few years previously, you know?
That's a kind of reduction in weight and increase in steroids.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, fair enough.
Man, I don't know how the drugs work anymore.
I'm too old.
dan friesen
I don't know if those are ones you ever knew about.
Yeah.
So we'll check in.
We'll see, first of all, if I find any more lost nations.
unidentified
Sure.
dan friesen
And then, how things go as this deteriorates over at InfoWars.
We get closer to the 30th, which appears to be when the lights are going to turn off and such.
jordan holmes
Let me ask you a question.
Lost Nations in Iowa 00:00:51
jordan holmes
If you stop in a city named Persia, Is that equivalent to a city named Lost Nation?
dan friesen
Probably be similar.
I might have driven through a Persia.
I know I drove through at least a couple cities that had names that were like Midas or, you know, things that were like, ah, this is the ancient world.
jordan holmes
Right.
So it's the lost region.
dan friesen
I think Iowa, yes.
unidentified
Yes.
jordan holmes
Iowa is the lost state.
dan friesen
Yeah.
But I'm going to continue to have some fun, fuck around, find some stuff, and.
You know, I'll check back in on my findings.
But until then, we have a website.
jordan holmes
Indeed, we do.
It's knowledgefight.com.
unidentified
Yep.
dan friesen
We'll be back.
But until then, I'm Neo.
I'm Leo.
I'm DCX Clark.
I am the mysterious professor.
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