In this installment, Dan and Jordan do the show in Baltimore at the Ram's Head Live, discussing the day where Alex tries to get interviewed by a mainstream journalist on air and spends a great deal of time talking about Jade Helm and GMOs.
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
I'm sick of them. | |
| I love your word. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Hey everybody! | ||
| How you doing Baltimore? | ||
| Hello! | ||
| I'm Dan. | ||
| I'm Jordan. | ||
| We are a couple of dudes who like to travel around the East Coast. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Sit around and talk a little bit about Alex Jones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Indeed we are, Dan. | ||
| Jordan. | ||
| Jordan. | ||
| Quick question for you. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| Am I putting it on too thick? | ||
| No. | ||
| What's your bright spot, buddy? | ||
| My bright spot is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're going to ham it up! | |
| You guys came out! | ||
| Why don't you go first? | ||
| I have sort of a light one. | ||
| I'll tell you that my bright spot... | ||
| I'm going to require a little context because the great people of Baltimore might not understand right away. | ||
| But my bright spot is I was not robbed last night. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So that was nice, but not in a way that is insulting to the great city of Baltimore. | ||
| I was almost not robbed last night. | ||
| No, I went out to, because after we got back, we were both exhausted, and I was like, I just want to go get a drink at the hotel bar. | ||
| Well, we were coming off of a very brief flight from Boston, and Baltimore Airport lost our luggage. | ||
| We got it back. | ||
| We got it back. | ||
| It was just a chaotic... | ||
| Now, that was a light robbing from Baltimore. | ||
| That's what we call a loose rob, you know? | ||
| It set the stage. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So yeah, the hotel bar was trash. | ||
| They didn't have things, which you usually require to drink. | ||
| And so I went across the street to this little townie bar, and there was only two people in there and the bartender. | ||
| And I was wearing my headband, right? | ||
| My headband, it's a little tie-dye headband. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| It's quite nice. | ||
| I walk in there, and she is bullying me in like a 16-year-old way. | ||
| Like, she was heavily implying the slurs that you know about gay people. | ||
| And I was like, this is a great bar to be in right now. | ||
| So I'm sitting there, and I'm like, I still want my drink. | ||
| I can't leave because she bullied me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm from Chicago. | ||
| Fuck you, Baltimore. | ||
| So we get to talking, she's doing this whole thing, and then after talking for a little bit, I make her laugh, and she switches tack. | ||
| She's like, I bet you love doing drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I was like, alright, I'm fine with that. | |
| I do like doing drugs. | ||
| You're wearing a tie-dyed bandana. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| We've achieved our first step. | ||
| Now we're on neutral footing. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| But then the questions become more and more like job interview questions. | ||
| Like, can you lift 50 pounds? | ||
| And I was like, ah! | ||
| What's your greatest strength and weakness? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I like drugs too much. | ||
| It's both. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't need to... | ||
| I don't know why I'm giving this bartender all this information. | ||
| And then she's like, I know like five people that got robbed just last week. | ||
| How much are you carrying on you? | ||
| And I was like, ah! | ||
| You're a scout! | ||
| You're a scout! | ||
| I know you! | ||
| So immediately after that, I was like, I'm going to have to close this out. | ||
| I'm going to have to pay my tab, and I'm going to have to run away with my tail between my legs. | ||
| But not before some random guy across the bar was like, I bet you're a Christian, aren't you? | ||
| And that was when I left! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta go, dude! | |
| So that's my bright spot. | ||
| How's that story? | ||
| It's a good story. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I like that you had a tab open. | ||
| I had a tab open. | ||
| I had to go, man. | ||
| What's your bright spot, buddy? | ||
| I guess my bright spot is that I stayed in last night. | ||
| No, I mean, I guess I've got a couple of Baltimorean bright spots. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And they're a little bit pedestrian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| But we were walking around earlier today because I have a Fitbit. | ||
| That's one pun. | ||
| Trying to get my steps in. | ||
| And I met a duck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| We did meet ducks. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I hate geese. | ||
| They're evil. | ||
| One attacked me as a child, and I think they're very hostile to humans. | ||
| But ducks are cool. | ||
| I spent... | ||
| And Jordan watched me. | ||
| He can vouch for me. | ||
| I spent about two minutes in a crouched position staring at a duck. | ||
| I don't even... | ||
| I'm not... | ||
| I am not a tie-dye headband wearer. | ||
| I don't use drugs. | ||
| I wasn't even high. | ||
| I don't have any excuse except I was like... | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Hamming it up, buddy! | ||
| You got a response for pulling out your tie-dye. | ||
| They were like, take it off, but it wasn't on. | ||
| It's in my pocket. | ||
| It's in my pocket still. | ||
| So it was kind of a bright spot. | ||
| That two minutes where I was sitting there, I was like, this duck might come over here. | ||
| It didn't. | ||
| No. | ||
| So it's kind of a little bit of a dud as a bright spot. | ||
| So the real bright spot. | ||
| I saw a duck. | ||
| I was this close. | ||
| I almost made friends with a duck. | ||
| No, I understand. | ||
| No, I got very excited because they inched closer to us like two or three times, and every time they took a step, you're like, oh shit, maybe I'm going to be best friends with a duck. | ||
| How am I going to get this duck back to Chicago? | ||
| Under my arm! | ||
| Do I have to check a duck? | ||
| According to Hedberg, ducks eat for free at Subway, my man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well. | |
| That's a reference. | ||
| I'm still not going to Subway. | ||
| Yeah, that's fair. | ||
| That's not enough to entice me in. | ||
| You know what it is, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Jimmy John's has free smells. | ||
| It's a sign that they have up at Jimmy John's. | ||
| Free smells. | ||
| I do not like that sign at all. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| I don't either, and I was lying. | ||
| I don't like Jimmy John's. | ||
| We have free smells, then I'm gone. | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| The real bright spot for me, and this is just, I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but. | ||
| We got in, and we were walking to a check-in, and we walked past an It's Sugar. | ||
| Is that like a Baltimore thing that everybody knows about? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I think it's a chain. | ||
| I think there are a lot of candy shops. | ||
| So we're a bunch of touristy bullshit people. | ||
| Yeah, it's touristy bullshit, and it is just bulk candy. | ||
| And I went to fucking town. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| I couldn't stop myself from like, ooh, here's another kind of gummy. | ||
| Here's another good. | ||
| I'm like, I am so excited about these weird, like, oh, gummy pizza slices. | ||
| I've never seen that before. | ||
| Again, I don't smoke weed. | ||
| These aren't weed gummies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| This is just kidding. | ||
| I smoke weed all the time. | ||
| Not interested in gummies. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| So I had, like, this moment of pure bliss of, like, all of these I was like, if I take more than a certain amount of time, this is really sad. | ||
| And then the other thought was, I just was like, this is a lot bigger bag than I thought it was going to be. | ||
| Walking up to the counter. | ||
| I was like, this sucks. | ||
| I gotta check out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| That was, I think, the most, like, a couple I think I've ever felt with the two of us. | ||
| Because it was like... | ||
| Don't worry, honey. | ||
| I'll stay here while you go get candy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It was totally like we walked by and he was like, it's a Nick Sugar. | ||
| And I was like, we're gonna go in. | ||
| And we were both pulling our bags, our suitcases with us. | ||
| And I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'll hold your seat case. | ||
| You go on in there. | ||
| You have a great time. | ||
| I'm not certain that I did this, but I felt like you may have had a feeling like when your dog will, like, whine. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I feel like I might have done that instinctually when I saw that story. | ||
| No, I just wanted to give you happiness and joy for just a brief second. | ||
| Well, thank you. | ||
| At the It Sugar. | ||
| It did that, and then I ate too much sugar. | ||
| Hey, too much candy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep, yep. | |
| Turns out, enabling. | ||
| Great strategy. | ||
| So this is why I need to get even more steps in to work off these fucking gummy bears. | ||
| So, Jordan. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| We got a show to do today. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| For people? | ||
| There are these people who are in my living room. | ||
| So they've got all these people in our living room. | ||
| So, Jordan, today we're going to be doing a little episode. | ||
| We're going to be talking about May 14th, 2015. | ||
| May 14th, 2015. | ||
| Obama is just elected president. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Wrong year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Do you have any idea what could have been going on? | ||
| What your vibe is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What your... | |
| May 15th? | ||
| How long before this... | ||
| Well, I said May 14th. | ||
| May 14th. | ||
| This is... | ||
| On the Boston show, yeah. | ||
| On the Boston show, I was like, May 3rd. | ||
| And you're like, again, I said May 4th. | ||
| No, okay. | ||
| So when did Trump say the thing about people not from this country? | ||
| This has nothing to do with Trump. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that's the only thing you could... | |
| That was all of 2015 for me, is watching Hillary suck and Trump hate people. | ||
| It was a widely shared experience. | ||
| So, Jordan, here's where we're at. | ||
| Here's the situation. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You and I, we're both guys who have had a few beers in our day, you know, the drinks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You love some IPAs, but personally, I've always been a shitty beer kind of guy. | ||
| I love the Pabsts of the world, the hams, the Strohs, even Milwaukee's best. | ||
| But let me be clear, I don't go in for the garbage like Keystone Light. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| My standard has always been you have to have had a brewery that was founded before 1900 if you're going to get in my business. | ||
| Unless I was drunk at a house party and I was stealing the Keystone, then I was definitely going to drink all of it. | ||
| Well, would it surprise you, Jordan, to learn that Baltimore is home of one of, if not the number one weirdest old-time breweries in the United States that also makes shitty beer? | ||
| I did not. | ||
| Everybody else knows. | ||
| These people know. | ||
| I'm talking, of course, about National Bohemian. | ||
| Or as the kids call it, Natty Bo. | ||
| Natty Bo! | ||
| Oh boy, Natty Bo. | ||
| Alright, I'm listening. | ||
| So the National Brewing Company was founded in 1885 right here in Baltimore, and their flagship product, Natty Bo, has failed to really catch on anywhere outside of the city. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| I have never heard of it before. | ||
| I've never heard of it. | ||
| And I've drunk at every terrible bar. | ||
| But most estimates put the figure at 90% of the sales of this beer comes from Maryland. | ||
| Oh my god, it comes from here. | ||
| Yeah, and part of the reason is I think that they're trying too damn hard. | ||
| Case in point, Natty Bo claims that they invented selling beer in a six-pack back in the 1940s. | ||
| That's like the oldest man shit out of my... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I swear to God, it'd tell me they never even thought of six at a time. | |
| Free shirt. | ||
| Everybody drank five, but I was the one who was like, add one more and you got something. | ||
| So this seems like a preposterous thing to take credit for. | ||
| It does. | ||
| But could it be true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could it? | |
| No. | ||
| There's well-documented history of soft drinks being sold in six packs prior to this, but when you see this claim about the Natty Bo... | ||
| It's trotted out on blogs all the time. | ||
| They aren't sure if they actually did invent the six-pack. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And sorry, but I'm here to tell you they didn't. | ||
| I was able to find a newspaper ad from the Montana Missoulian dated June 29th, 1934. | ||
| Advertising six packs of beer for 33 cents. | ||
| Too much! | ||
| That brand, one of my other old standards, Schlitz, a.k.a. | ||
| the beer that made Milwaukee famous, Schlitz was marketing them as the Handy Six back in the 30s, which is a great name. | ||
| That is a great name. | ||
| That is a great name. | ||
| So also, Natty Bo has something that these other shitty beer companies don't have. | ||
| Right, an extra finger to touch the balls. | ||
| That is exactly right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
36? | |
| God damn it, people. | ||
| I'm not going to spoon feed you. | ||
| It is not that. | ||
| It is that Natty Bo has a deeply upsetting mascot. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Mr. Bo is a dude with a Julius Pringles-ass mustache, but also only has one eye. | ||
| He's got one eye! | ||
| And it's not like a cyclops on the center of his head. | ||
| It's not like a pirate thing? | ||
| No, he's just missing his right eye. | ||
| It's just a guy missing his eye. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember earlier today we were outside of a bar and I pointed at the side? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| That's him. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| I was like, this is just a stupid sign that you were noticing. | ||
| As the roommate of a one-eyed cat, this naturally triggered my heartstrings getting pulled on. | ||
| So I found myself being interested in this Bo character. | ||
| I dug a little bit deeper, and what I learned shocked me to my very core. | ||
| To your core? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Did you know? | ||
| No, obviously not. | ||
| I feel like I've asked you to know a hundred times already. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| No. | ||
| So this mascot, Mr. Bo, is married to another mascot. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| For a different product? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| In a different... | ||
| Universe of... | ||
| No, it's in our universe. | ||
| Okay, I understand it's in our universe. | ||
| But it's not like the MCU mashup. | ||
| On May 14th, 2011, Mr. Bo canonically married the girl from the Utz potato chips bags. | ||
| And they had an actual wedding ceremony. | ||
| That was actually just a commercial for a Baltimore tooler shop. | ||
| Right, right, right, right, right. | ||
| That's some pro wrestling shit is what that is. | ||
| Or Synergy. | ||
| Just marketing. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| So we're gathered here today to celebrate the glorious anniversary of their union. | ||
| Natty Bo and Utz Potato Chips, a marriage that has lasted the test of time. | ||
| This is their fourth anniversary. | ||
| Because all the other ones weren't good. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I love knowing how many episodes of the show that you listen to to get us to hear. | ||
| And you have to understand something. | ||
| This is a man who is like, I'm not going to let them get away with saying they invented the six-pack. | ||
| Not a fucking chance. | ||
| I honestly would have been more thrilled if I could have come here and said, you did it! | ||
| But unfortunately... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alas. | |
| I am the bearer of bad news. | ||
| And I have more bad news, and that is we should get started with the clips. | ||
| Oh, do we do that? | ||
| I thought we were just going to have a grand old time. | ||
| No, but it was a delight to talk about Natty Bo and to inform you of their mascot wedding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I like it. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I blew a mind here today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| I always cry at a wedding. | ||
| Yeah, you were... | ||
| That's not a joke. | ||
| I was actually just telling you a true thing. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I find them... | ||
| You would have cried at this one because you would have been wasted on shitty beer. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| And then rubbed your fingers with salt from the ups. | ||
| With salt from the chips. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It hurts so bad. | ||
| Everybody would be like, this guy, he really is feeling it. | ||
| He feels the love. | ||
| So we're going to start here where Alex starts off. | ||
| And it's a very exciting beginning to this episode here on May 14th, 2015. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I wear a hat, not a visor. | ||
| I drink Budweiser. | ||
| And the reason I'm being silly is we have Matt Visor from the Boston Globe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's going to be joining us in the studio today. | |
| I don't have time to do an interview after the show or before the show. | ||
| And we've got Al Jazeera flying into town to interview me. | ||
| I'm on Alan Cumm's radio show. | ||
| All that said, because I'm so afraid to be interviewed. | ||
| With that whole stunt ABC This Week pulled that is still in newspapers every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just, Alex Jones won't defend himself on Jade Helm, the coward. | |
| The coward. | ||
| So he's going to have this guy on to do an interview on the show. | ||
| All right, like a real journalist from the Boston Globe. | ||
| Yep, that's right, Matt Weiser. | ||
| Matt Weiser. | ||
| I was very close to trying to reach out to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I was like, I don't want to bother him. | ||
| Nah, nah, nah. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| Just because his name rhymes with Budweiser is not a reason to come on. | ||
| I can't rhyme with Bo. | ||
| I drink Natty Bo. | ||
| My brain's going slow. | ||
| There's no non-misogynist way to go with that one. | ||
| So, in March 2015, Alex started spreading fear about a government takeover that was coming under the guise of a training exercise called Jade Helm 15. This was an eight-week-long set of exercise that was set to take place across multiple states, primarily in Texas and the Southwest Rockies region, because, as the Army Special Operations Press release put it, these states contained, quote, diverse terrain that replicates areas Special Operations soldiers regularly find themselves operating in overseas. | ||
| As soon as Alex heard about this planned exercise, he began fear-mongering about it. | ||
| And here is a little discussion of his horrors. | ||
| Sure, sure, what are they going to do? | ||
| Right, this is from... | ||
| March 19th of this year. | ||
| They admit they're going to be engaging in PSYOP and military takeover domestically. | ||
| This is in preparation for the financial collapse and maybe even Obama not leaving office. | ||
| I mean, I'm telling you, this is so huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There will be 1,200 service members participating in Operation Jade Helm. | |
| It says increase military presence, increase aircraft in the area at night. | ||
| They may receive noise complaints. | ||
| Some individuals may conduct suspicious activities designed to prepare them for complex environment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Overseas. | |
| Did you hear that? | ||
| They're going to practice breaking into things and stuff. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Practice breaking into shit. | ||
| So that other voice you hear there is none other than Rambo Joe Biggs, who is currently serving a 17-year jail sentence for committing seditious conspiracy for his role on January 6th. | ||
| Just to be clear, just to be clear, this is a guy having a conversation about how terrible it would be if the president refused to leave office? | ||
| A little ironic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| So Biggs was very intertwined with the conspiracy narratives Alex sold about Jade Helm because it was a military story and Biggs was a veteran, so that gave him built-in credibility. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure, sure, sure. | |
| The coverage of Jade Helm was obsessive on InfoWars at the end of March and all through April because it was the hottest topic in the online conspiracy world, in no small part because Alex was feeding the coverage himself. | ||
| The end goal of the exercise was anything you could imagine. | ||
| One day it was to normalize military on the streets, the next it was... | ||
| Maybe a plan to prepare the U.S. to be invaded. | ||
| And then, what do you know? | ||
| It's actually about prepping FEMA camps to round up all of Alex's buddies and house them there. | ||
| By this point in the episode we're listening to when it takes place, we're a good month and a half to Alex covering Jade Helm at this point. | ||
| Things got worse on April 28th when Texas Governor Greg Abbott wrote a letter that seemed to validate the conspiracy narratives about Jade Helm. | ||
| In his letter, he said that he was going to have the Texas Guard keep tabs on exercises to make sure that Texas... | ||
| Well, at least we have to make sure they don't. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Because if you have to quarter a soldier, I mean, it's all over for America. | ||
| This led to a wide array of responses. | ||
| The conspiracy patriot-esque media like Alex took this thing from Abbott as a validation that their concerns were rational and it emboldened them further. | ||
| Former Texas State Representative Todd Smith accused Abbott of, quote, pandering to idiots. | ||
| The major effect of this, though, was that media entities took a greater interest in what was fueling this story, and one of the influences you will obviously find is Alex Jones, which is why you might have been seeing an increase in interview requests in mid-May. | ||
| One of the issues with Alex and Jade Helm is that he was all over the place on it. | ||
| You know, he was saying that he was going to bring in foreign troops. | ||
| Other times he was saying it was going to happen every year, so the public was desensitized. | ||
| His messaging was inconsistent and unclear, so it makes sense that people would want to interview him. | ||
| Like, bro. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| What are you talking about, bro? | ||
| What exactly are you trying to say? | ||
| Yeah, what am I supposed to be scared of exactly? | ||
| Are you saying that I need to be afraid of French soldiers? | ||
| Oui. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Bien sûr. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, fuck. | |
| The Boston Globe's got to get on this. | ||
| This is where my limited French is really hurting me. | ||
| Worked enough. | ||
| Uh, peut-être. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| That means a little. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| Didn't work enough. | ||
| So... | ||
| It's really funny that Alex is going to have the Boston Globe's Matt Visor come and interview him as a part of the show, but you might notice that he's also, in that first clip, he was a bit mad about ABC News. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So what happened there is classic Alex. | ||
| The previous Sunday, Alex was scheduled to be a part of a panel on This Week on ABC to talk about these Jade Helm theories. | ||
| However, he did not show up. | ||
| Martha Raddatz, the host of the show, pointed out the no-show, which prompted Alex to accuse ABC of engaging in dirty tricks. | ||
| Apparently, ABC was supposed to send a car to take him to a remote studio, but they showed up a mere 12 minutes before the interview was supposed to begin. | ||
| An ABC spokesperson said of the claim, quote, that's completely false. | ||
| They told Mediaite, quote, the car had been at Jones' apartment an hour ahead of time. | ||
| Jones did not respond to phone calls and the network went so far as to having the building security knock on his door to no answer. | ||
| Seeking to cast more shade on ABC News, Alex alleged that they'd been in talks to do a live interview, but at the last moment they tried to force him to do a pre-tape, which was also flatly denied by their spokesperson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Quote, we were always going to do a live remote. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right, right. | |
| I'm not totally sure what happened here because Alex has no problem going on shows where he can't really defend his points and just using it as an opportunity to yell Infowars.com a bunch before they cut his mic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know why he wouldn't do that here, so I kind of think he overslept. | ||
| You think it's that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he just fucked up, overslept, and now he's like, uh... | ||
| Eh, they probably did something. | ||
| They set me up. | ||
| I think he was afraid he was going to eat George Stephanopoulos. | ||
| He's small enough to be edible, and maybe society collapsed 15 days before, so it's time to eat people. | ||
| I feel like Alex eating Stephanopoulos is a fear we all share. | ||
| Yeah, to quote the Beastie Boys, watch out, Stephanopoulos! | ||
| You taste good with Budweiser! | ||
| So Alex is mad at the media. | ||
| He's mad at, you know, he's having Matt Visor on, but he's mad at ABC. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| It turns out he's also mad at Fox's The Five, the show The Five. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And now one of the Fox News, The Five Guys, says, no, we're not going to have you on via tweets. | ||
| In fact, I've got Joe Biggs printing them off right now. | ||
| He's going to come in and talk about it because Joe's been tweeting back and forth with him. | ||
| Staff reporter Joe Biggs and former Staff Sergeant Joe Biggs. | ||
| Now this particular Fox News 5 host wants to meet me at the corner of some street in New York City for a fistfight. | ||
| You know, that was the joke about us getting in the ring, dumbass. | ||
| But if you really want to, that's fine. | ||
| But I do it legally and lawfully wherever they allow bare-knuckles boxing. | ||
| Okay, we can fly to some third-world country and have pay-per-view. | ||
| I think we'd probably make about $10 million a piece, but you're too stupid to want to actually do that. | ||
| You want to dance to the puppeteers' orders there at Fox News and make crap up. | ||
| And I don't mean to diverse and to diverge off into side issues, and I apologize. | ||
| Side issues? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like taking a man to Venezuelan, beating him up in bare-knuckle boxing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| This is what happens when you eat George Stephanopoulos. | ||
| He takes over your body and he wants to fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what happened here is that Eric Bolling, one of the hosts of Fox's The Five, had made fun of Alex not showing up for that ABC appearance. | ||
| And I guess that he and Joe Biggs then got into a Twitter fight. | ||
| He overslept, okay? | ||
| He was trying to save face. | ||
| They set him up. | ||
| So just the day before this, Alex was playing clips of them joking about him on Fox's The Five, and it was more or less, he was just begging them to book him. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| He's like, I'll even take you, I'll fly to New York, I'll take you out to dinner, come on! | ||
| Please, please, please put me on your show! | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of tough to believe that he has the time to fly to New York to, or even, you know, to do a bare-knuckle boxing match with this guy. | ||
| But he's so crunched for time that he's got to do this interview on air. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or else it's just, we have no time. | ||
| We don't have time! | ||
| It's just impossible. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| So... | ||
| He's mad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's mad. | ||
| Not at the crew, though. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Just the media. | ||
| Just the media. | ||
| But Matt Visor will be here shortly, and everything will be fine, for sure. | ||
| But Matt Visor will be in the studio. | ||
| First, he said, oh, my editors won't let me interview you live. | ||
| And I said, fine, we can't do it. | ||
| So now he should get here in a few minutes. | ||
| We'll see if that happens. | ||
| And then they can interview me about imaginary Jade Helm, according to them, coming up. | ||
| And like I told ABC News, Fox News, everybody, I stand ready anytime live. | ||
| They've got scores of satellite uplinks downtown Austin. | ||
| I am 110% ready to face you anytime, anywhere, anyplace. | ||
| Anytime. | ||
| And Matt Visor is coming on. | ||
| But through a camera. | ||
| What? | ||
| I'll face you anytime, anywhere, anyplace. | ||
| Through a remote link. | ||
| I'll come get you through my computer. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't want to accidentally eat you. | ||
| Joe Biggs will tweet at you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw some of the tweets. | ||
| They were not friendly. | ||
| Which makes sense. | ||
| You know, they're talking about fighting words. | ||
| Well, meet you on the corner of somewhere in New York City. | ||
| Corner of something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those famous corners where you fight. | |
| So you excited for this Mad Visor interview? | ||
| I mean, okay, so at first I didn't understand quite, because I thought that Alex was going to interview him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On the show. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| But now, if I understand this correctly, the guy from the Boston Globe is coming to give Alex an interview for the newspaper. | ||
| You bet. | ||
| All right? | ||
| And then Alex is like, I don't have time for this shit. | ||
| Let's do it on air. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You have understood the scenario entirely. | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I mean, you can ask. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm going to take a shit the entire time during this interview. | ||
| Whatever I'm doing, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So this goes about as predictably as it could, I think. | ||
| At this point, we should all be pretty clear what's about to happen. | ||
| We are not going to let you play your sneaky underhanded tricks anymore, you backbiting crew of Scallywax. | ||
| That's just how this works. | ||
| We're done with you. | ||
| We know you're not media. | ||
| You're propagandists. | ||
| And we are not backing down. | ||
| We are not standing down. | ||
| We are not going away. | ||
| Now, weeks ago, we're having such victories against Monsanto, I had Nico start working on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Alex, I hate to interrupt. | |
| I just got a text from him. | ||
| He said, Mr. Visor said, another editor was leery of this interview to go on the air, so he's backing out. | ||
| Now they'll say I backed out, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now they're going to say he backed out! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now they're going to say it was me who backed out! | |
| But we got it on the radio! | ||
| So this is a real bust. | ||
| Matt Visor has cancelled. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| So the interview apparently isn't happening and Alex is immediately defensive. | ||
| They're going to say I cancelled. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| Matt Visor did end up publishing an article in the Boston Globe. | ||
| But instead of it being about Alex's take on Jade Helm, it was about his unsuccessful attempt to interview Alex. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Is it expose? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The reasons for backing out of an interview were totally clear for Matt. | ||
| For one, it would center the story around himself, which wasn't the intended goal. | ||
| And secondly, the interview would be aired on Alex's show immediately, which kind of makes the delayed print a little superfluous. | ||
| As he put it, the quote, the trade-off didn't seem worth it. | ||
| Now, if you read Visor's article, you learn that he was interested in Jade Helm conspiracies, just like a lot of people in the media, after they started to bubble up from the underground. | ||
| He knew that Alex was the font of most of it, so he decided just to head out to Texas. | ||
| From his article, quote, In the days before leaving for Austin, I put in requests to interview Jones. | ||
| I put in more requests once I was there. | ||
| Over nearly a week, like a spurned suitor, I emailed, I called, I texted. | ||
| Silence! | ||
| He got nowhere, but decided to show up at the Infowars studio since the address wasn't a secret even back then. | ||
| He found the building boring and basically decided that that was a dead end. | ||
| He was just going to go back to Boston. | ||
| I would agree. | ||
| We found that building boring too. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| No snipers on the roof that I saw. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No snipers. | |
| Not a single sniper. | ||
| No. | ||
| Disappointing. | ||
| Disappointing. | ||
| But then... | ||
| On May 13th at 9.56pm, the night before this episode, Rob Dew emailed him back and said, quote, you can interview him on the show. | ||
| Interested? | ||
| You up? | ||
| You up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| LAUGHTER What you doing? | ||
| Spelled D-E-W. | ||
| I've had a few drinks. | ||
| You want to be on the show? | ||
| So Visor immediately thought this was a bad idea and counter-offered that he interview Alex in between segments. | ||
| From his article, quote, by the next morning, Dew said the only way Jones would meet me in person would be if I came on the live show. | ||
| Another option, he said, would be to have Jones call me on the phone that afternoon when the show ended. | ||
| Visor agreed to come on the show because he wanted to see Alex in the natural environment, but then immediately had editors tell him, this is a terrible idea. | ||
| Quote, within 15 minutes, I messaged Dew back saying I wouldn't appear live but would still like to do a phone interview. | ||
| He agreed, saying he would send me Jones a cell phone number after the show. | ||
| So can you imagine Visor's surprise when he tuned into Infowars that day and heard Alex claim that he was going to be a guest on the show? | ||
| Wait, wait, wait, wait. | ||
| So then, oh my god! | ||
| They set this whole thing up! | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I feel like the dumbest one. | ||
| So he was sitting in his car baffled as, quote, Dew went on air and pretended as if the text message from me, which he had acknowledged receiving 30 minutes earlier, had just arrived. | ||
| This is not 30 minutes into the show. | ||
| Unsurprisingly, quote, when I attempted to reach Jones that afternoon at the time they had previously said he would be available, my messages went back to being unreturned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Sure. | ||
| Yep, this whole thing was a charade. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was all a hoax. | ||
| That's fun. | ||
| They knew. | ||
| Rob Doon knew when they went on air that he wasn't coming on. | ||
| See, now, I like that. | ||
| I like that because that suggests the two of them had a little talk. | ||
| Before the show, and they were like, how are we going to do this? | ||
| We can't just say that the Boston Globe guy rightfully decided not to do this dumb shit that we were going to trick him into doing in the first place. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And then we'll put him on trial. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So we could just say, uh, no, he's not going to be here. | ||
| Or we could just not talk about him at all. | ||
| No, because Alex is so mad about everybody thinking he didn't want to go on ABC. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| So he's got that sort of, you know, stick in his crawl. | ||
| Yeah, so then they come up with this whole charade. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Which means that at some point they were sitting here just going like, oh my god, what do we do? | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| Well, let's pretend he's coming on and then you can come on and say you just got a text and then I will immediately say, now they're going to say I'm too afraid. | ||
| I'll be defensive about it and then we win. | ||
| I think that's a great idea. | ||
| I think that's a great idea. | ||
| You have got some great ideas. | ||
| Oh my god, that's such a good idea. | ||
| Let's do it twice! | ||
| Text Pfizer back you up. | ||
| Also, do you have more coke? | ||
| Did you get that good Boston shit? | ||
| So Alex is hurt. | ||
| He's hurt by this and he's like, fuck this. | ||
| Only big interviews from now on. | ||
| We need to only go with the big interviews. | ||
| Because we have to do this dance with all these reporters and all their little neurotic, you know, OCD editors BS. | ||
| So I just said they probably wouldn't show up. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| We're done. | ||
| So I don't have time to talk to him now. | ||
| We've already talked to him last night, this morning, gone through all these gesticulations. | ||
| I told him I'd do a phone interview with him today when I'm in traffic driving home to pick my kids up. | ||
| But that's it. | ||
| We're done talking to them. | ||
| Okay, they want to have a stand-up fight. | ||
| We'll have it. | ||
| But we're not going to play patty cake. | ||
| We'll be back. | ||
| That sounds really cool if you didn't know that the whole beginning part was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| We're done with all these people. | ||
| So long as they text us in advance to let us know they won't come on the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Advance warning's nice. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| None of these tiny outlets like the Boston Globe. | ||
| Wasting everybody's time. | ||
| We're going to do PatriotGunsInYourBalls.com interviews from now on. | ||
| Only that. | ||
| Only Dick Wadmick, I'm going to fight you, is going to interview me from here on out. | ||
| Only unscrupulous blogs that do whatever I want. | ||
| So he's pretty mad about the media in general. | ||
| He was mad when he thought Visor was coming on. | ||
| He's only more mad now. | ||
| This has only gotten worse. | ||
| And so he decides that what he's going to do is, like, my advisor's not coming. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I'm still going to, like, prove Jade Helm. | ||
| Like, for all the media out there who's doubting me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Just because he's not there in front of me doesn't mean I don't have a job to do, which is prove that soldiers are going to break into random people's houses across a few states in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| And they're going to be French. | ||
| And they're going to be French. | ||
| The most terrifying part of all. | ||
| The worst of the soldiers of all. | ||
| So what I think happened is maybe when Alex thought that Matt Visor was coming on, he prepared a little bit of stuff to be like, what about this? | ||
| Sure, sure, sure, sure. | ||
| I think he did a little bit of that, and then Matt Visor's not coming on, so Alex just decided, I mean, I can't waste it. | ||
| It's in the stackies. | ||
| Speaking of which. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Very dark moment for me. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I was at a Walgreens, and I held a 450-sheet pack of paper in my hand, and I was like, I'm going to bring this as props. | ||
| As fake paper that I can have on top. | ||
| Sure, sure, sure. | ||
| I'm like, I don't think I can trust myself to recycle all of it. | ||
| And that's why I decided not to. | ||
| Not because it would look insane. | ||
| You know, when you do the math on that, it's like, is the bit worth the waste? | ||
| You know? | ||
| And the answer is yes. | ||
| I think it's a maybe, but it's also talking about being at the Walgreens holding the paper and being sad. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| See, the problem... | ||
| That's a close second. | ||
| The problem is you needed to take it to the Nakinko's and have them print out stackies on every single sheet of paper. | ||
| Just one over and over and over again. | ||
| And then the last one says, makes Jack a dull boy. | ||
| Too much stackies, no play. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So let's dive in here. | ||
| The basic framework is that Alex has a new video that is of just absolute tyranny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he starts talking about other stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tyranny. | |
| Instead of that one clip, he starts talking about other stuff. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And it's not that I'm mad that you're trying to say I'm a coward. | ||
| I'm mad that you're liars. | ||
| So, this week better have me on. | ||
| See, I don't really want ratings. | ||
| You know they get more rage. | ||
| They just pulled a stunt to act like they tried to have him on. | ||
| Everybody's like, why don't you have him on? | ||
| So they've got to act like I won't come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| This is their whole culture. | ||
| Meanwhile, Infowars.com, alarming video footage from U.S. Marines training drill, which took place in Arizona last month, shows armed troops chasing down unruly citizens inside a mock internment camp while role players chant for food and water. | ||
| Now, before we get to that, let's play from a month ago. | ||
| Right around the same time, in California, next door, the Army National Guard training to take on sovereign citizens. | ||
| And when the sovereign citizen says, I have rights, I'm a sovereign citizen, that's when they attack with their baton. | ||
| Play that clip, then we'll play the new clip. | ||
| But if you're a radio listener, you've got to see this footage. | ||
| Infowars.com forward slash show. | ||
| We're streaming it live. | ||
| But let's go to the previous clip. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a dog citizen. | |
| I refuse to recognize you guys. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, let's go to, and we've got the, we've got other trips saying it, and we've got, Compelling. | |
| Very clear what was going on. | ||
| It's for the Patriots. | ||
| It's for the veterans. | ||
| It's for the constitutionalists. | ||
| Should I play all those again and show you 25 articles? | ||
| I got a whole stack of mainstream news right here. | ||
| I had them reprint them when the media guy came in. | ||
| Wasteful. | ||
| Here, here. | ||
| Here's dozens of mainstream articles admitting they're training to fight the American people and gun owners. | ||
| Here. | ||
| Here, here. | ||
| This is for the Boston Globe. | ||
| But see, their editors don't want me to show you the man behind the curtain. | ||
| They don't want me to go, here, here's the proof, jackass. | ||
| Here it is right here. | ||
| They want to just go, liar, hates the military, racist, Boston bomber. | ||
| I mean, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, what? | |
| It just doesn't work anymore. | ||
| There's a massive gear up for martial law. | ||
| So Alex is a little bit upset that some people are saying that Tamerlan Zarnov, one of the Boston bombers, was a fan of InfoWars. | ||
| Oh, sure, just because all the terrorists like me. | ||
| Just because he was... | ||
| Yeah, sure, sure. | ||
| I can't remember exactly the relative, but one of his sister-in-law or something is like, he's getting really into Infowars and the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. | ||
| Like, oh, wow, what a shock, those two. | ||
| Double down, yeah, that's no good. | ||
| So you like that clip? | ||
| I was wondering what exactly... | ||
| So, first off, I have a question. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is the National Guard known for batons? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| I don't know anything about the National Guard, but I always thought it was, like, sub-military. | ||
| The Green Berets are known for piano wire. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And the National Guard have their bonk. | ||
| I was just, like, so it suddenly occurred to me, I was like, wait, I'm suddenly seeing, like, the 1950s British police with their dumb helmet hats on, just like... | ||
| Trying to beat up Benny Hill or whatever it is. | ||
| But instead they're American National Guardsmen. | ||
| Imagine if that was the video Alex wanted to show Matt Visor. | ||
| That would be amazing. | ||
| What now, Boston Globe? | ||
| So that clip that we just heard, Jordan, that was a blending of the two main stories from this episode today. | ||
| Alex is mad that people think he's too chicken to go on ABC News, and there's a military training drill that he's insisting is about bringing in this martial law. | ||
| So I find it really interesting that he's talking about, like, the main story is a video out of Arizona, but instead of covering that, he plays a different, older video from a different state. | ||
| The reason he does this is because the new footage... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is not that good. | |
| It shows people in military uniforms they're training for detention methods, but that doesn't mean they're training to detain U.S. citizens, necessarily. | ||
| You can possibly be opposed to that kind of a training thing, but if you peel the layers of that onion back, defending that position eventually leads you to needing to support disbanding the military. | ||
| And I don't think Alex wants that. | ||
| Doubtful. | ||
| If they're going to be serving in these kinds of roles, then they need to train, and that's often going to be using people as actors in these scenarios. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So Alex plays this other video from California, so the audience will see any footage that they see subsequently through the prism of that video. | ||
| In that video, the person does say that they're a sovereign citizen, which you might have heard in the jarbled shit, which is Alex, he's using it to imply that they're U.S. citizens who the military is training to detain. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| But this introduces two problems. | ||
| First... | ||
| They're sovereign citizens in other countries. | ||
| And more importantly, sovereign citizens, they don't think they're U.S. citizens. | ||
| I was gonna say, you can't be both a U.S. citizen and also not believe the United States government exists. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| By demanding they be treated like U.S. citizens, Alex is contradicting sovereign beliefs, many of which he holds himself, but pretends he doesn't. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that video that he's playing from California has a watermark on it that I was able to track down from a website called CourageSowers.com. | ||
| I'm sorry? | ||
| Yeah, like sowing seeds, I think. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's my guess, anyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, all right. | |
| So it's S-O-W. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So it could just be... | |
| Not like Stitch. | ||
| It could be Courageous Pigs. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Whether it is or not, it's a pseudo-hippie type blog created by a couple who love to can things. | ||
| I'm sorry, what? | ||
| Yeah, they got a lot of information about canning. | ||
| So the place is called Courage Sewers. | ||
| Dot com. | ||
| Dot com. | ||
| And it's more about, like, the joy of canning your own tomatoes and stuff? | ||
| Pickles. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I prefer that sovereign citizen belief system. | ||
| I'm not sure their position on sovereign citizenship, but they do believe it should be legal to can things. | ||
| Okay, can you imagine all of those videos where some dude in 2014 was going through a police checkpoint with his phone right here just going like, I could totally drive through here without lowering my window all the way because these cans are delicious. | ||
| That would be nice. | ||
| It would give a better layer to the character for sure. | ||
| It would be more fun. | ||
| So these Courage Sower folks, they have a YouTube channel which hosts eight videos, one of which is a video titled Richmond, California Dirty Bomb Drill 2015. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| The full clip is longer than what Alex plays, but all he needs is that person saying, I'm a sovereign citizen. | ||
| It may be worth noting that two of the participants in this drill appear to be in police uniforms, and the person claiming to be a sovereign citizen is wearing a Vans shirt and is very clearly improvising. | ||
| It was actually Jason Lee. | ||
| It could have been. | ||
| He was down on his luck. | ||
| His career wasn't going great. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was 2015. | ||
| He had to get something going. | ||
| This was a harsh rebrand because he had taken off the mustache. | ||
| So at another point, a couple people called the military folks who were doing the training racists and everybody laughs. | ||
| After this dude says he's a sovereign citizen, people chuckle. | ||
| If you watch the fuller version of it, this guy is just like... | ||
| Hammond. | ||
| He's having a great time. | ||
| Yeah, he's having a great time. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And dicking around. | ||
| He had dreams at one point, and they were never going to come true. | ||
| So this was his shot. | ||
| This was the local theater of... | ||
| He's gotten a lot more exposure out of this than maybe he realizes. | ||
| Thanks to courage sewers and a bunch of weirdos in the right wing. | ||
| And now you know about him. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We all do. | ||
| So it's my assessment that this was a situation where the California Army National Guard was running a drill for crowd control in the case of a dirty bomb, and the people who were roleplaying as the crowd were not given very specific instructions. | ||
| I don't actually know what a dirty bomb is other than a thing that will explode and then make you feel real bad. | ||
| It's filthy. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| This bomb is sick. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| No one washed the bomb! | ||
| It's other people's spit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| In the bomb. | ||
| It, like, explodes and then it, like, drips on the forehead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Have you ever been spit? | ||
| Oh, God, it sucks. | ||
| Dirty. | ||
| Yeah, the little bubbles. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Thank you for confirming that feeling. | ||
| So this crowd that is, like, in this exercise, they're a disorganized mess. | ||
| And the guy who says that they're a sovereign citizen, if you watch this... | ||
| Which, I don't know if you need to, but if you do, you can tell he yearns for the stage. | ||
| Like, it's very, very obvious. | ||
| That's why Alex cuts that so short, because that's all you really need. | ||
| If you watch more of it, you're like, look at this asshole. | ||
| His next words are, shall I suffer the slings and arrows of being a sovereign citizen? | ||
| Come on! | ||
| So also, it's important to point out, no one is getting detained or even attacked with clubs in the footage that Alex plays. | ||
| These soldiers are just forming and holding a line. | ||
| That's all that's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure, sure. | |
| And then it's clipped in. | ||
| You can find pictures and details about this training exercise, and it involves so much more than this little crowd control drill. | ||
| There were people in hazmat suits, all kinds of triage, and even some friendly bomb robots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Yeah, it was cool. | ||
| The only thing that matters is the optics. | ||
| Wait, did you say friendly bomb robots? | ||
| I might be making that part up. | ||
| I can't confirm if they're friendly. | ||
| I just like the idea of unfriendly bomb robots. | ||
| Shitty bomb robots. | ||
| Alright, I guess we're going to send in the asshole bomb robot. | ||
| I don't know if anybody's going to survive. | ||
| How was your weekend? | ||
| Like I care. | ||
| Hip-hop robot's a dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't even fucking like these people. | |
| Guy hit me with a baton the other day. | ||
| So the only thing that matters for Alex here is the optics of this one dum-dum improvising a line about being a sovereign citizen and how that proves that this whole thing was about training to round up all of his buddies. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| But it's the framing that he needs to portray every military training exercise, a secretly attack on himself and his compatriots and all his friends. | ||
| And I hope that Matt Visor would have laughed at him. | ||
| That would have been fun. | ||
| It would have been more fun just because, like, it was clear from Visor's Vibzer. | ||
| Yep, I'm taking that one and I'm going home. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's clear that whenever he finally did get the email, he was not thinking clearly because he'd been stalking them for such a long time. | ||
| So he got the email and he's like, oh, I'm going to do it. | ||
| I'm going to go on your show for sure. | ||
| Yeah, this will be dumb, but I'm going to do it. | ||
| And then an editor was like, you're just desperate, man. | ||
| You just got to stop doing this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That would have been a nightmare for him. | ||
| He had no idea what he missed. | ||
| Just like... | ||
| Just Alex yelling at him about various improvisers. | ||
| It drills. | ||
| Coked out Rob Du sitting on the side watching. | ||
| Get him, get him, get him. | ||
| Oh shit, we're invaded by the groundlings! | ||
| C 'est pas très bien. | ||
| C 'est pas très bien, eh? | ||
| Yeah, come on! | ||
| That also... | ||
| That's also in French. | ||
| The sound is... | ||
| Okay, whatever. | ||
| It's a cognate. | ||
| It's a cognate. | ||
| So Alex spends quite a bit of time talking about how he's actually right about all this Jade Helms stuff, and it's all a bit nonsensical. | ||
| And then Joe Biggs, Rambo Joe Biggs, comes in, and he has a little bit of an irresponsible report. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Tell folks the information you've been documenting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So yesterday, I'd say around 6 p.m. hour time, central time, I got an email. | |
| From an Oath Keeper that I know saying that, hey man, this guy just came to me with some really scary information. | ||
| I'm going to take screenshots of this stuff, send it to you. | ||
| So he sends me this, you know, email and I'm looking and I'm like, there's no way this can be true, what I'm reading right now. | ||
| We've got to vet this guy. | ||
| Can you get him in contact with me and tell him I need a copy of his military ID so I can at least get that part going so I can make sure this guy is who he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He tells me what his MOS is. | |
| It's a 15 Sierra. | ||
| That's a OH-58. | ||
| repair sounds legit I will helicopter that we use in Iraq and Afghanistan it's a little small bird we call them little birds it just holds two guys and he gets me the ID to him like alright and I asked him a few questions seems legit and what he's telling me is that he is so freaked out because what they're doing he said they were loading live ammunition on these Kiowa helicopters and these are going to be specifically used for Jade Helm | ||
| And they're already loaded. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And like I said, I didn't go to this guy. | ||
| I didn't seek this person out. | ||
| This person reached out, and I was put in contact with him, and I'm currently vetting and trying to find out more information if I can get some pictures and video. | ||
| And they're already loaded. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They are loaded, my man. | |
| I feel like this maybe is a story that you should take the time to vet before you get on air. | ||
| Tell people that they're putting live ammunition in helicopters to shoot citizens. | ||
| I do appreciate that we see two examples of journalism simultaneously. | ||
| You've got Visor, who has editors, and they're like, don't do that. | ||
| And then he does that. | ||
| He doesn't do it. | ||
| But then you've got Joe Biggs, who's like, some dude just texted me this thing. | ||
| It's probably true. | ||
| I'm looking into it, but I'm probably not. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| A friend of a friend told me they're putting live ammunition in helicopters to fuck with people. | ||
| That's severe. | ||
| Can you imagine how long the show would be if every time Joe Biggs was like, I don't think this is true, he ended the sentence? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| He was just like, I don't think this is true. | ||
| The end. | ||
| And then they don't continue on reporting it. | ||
| We got so much time to film. | ||
| Matt Visor canceled. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Matt. | |
| Makeup gossip. | ||
| Visor sucks. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that guy. | ||
| I was very close to asking him to be a guest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like, what was that like when Alex said no? | ||
| So, Alex gets into a bit of a heady mood after this irresponsible-ass coverage. | ||
| That'll happen. | ||
| So he starts talking about the individual and the collective. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| You might learn a few things here. | ||
| I'm expecting to. | ||
| I think you will. | ||
| This is very educational. | ||
| I'm an individual, but when you become a real individual, you then understand the collective. | ||
| They try to bring a collective that you submit to and give up your individualism. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We as individuals gravitate toward what's the core of the human spirit, the human drive, and then we collectively radiate those ideas and actions and build a harmonistic... | |
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And so I am the planet. | ||
| I am the people. | ||
| You are the people. | ||
| We are the species. | ||
| And we have to decide that we care about everybody. | ||
| But that doesn't mean then being told, oh, do this to show your moral. | ||
| You've got to go do research to really follow the right path to really help people. | ||
| You can't just give away your free will to the false corporate collective that it tells you is moral. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I'm ranting now. | ||
| Briefly, we're running two specials right now. | ||
| Powerful concentrated herbs. | ||
| We have InfoWarsLife.com. | ||
| 20% off super female vitality. | ||
| 20% off super female vitality. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool, man. | |
| Cool, cool. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's a lot of fun. | ||
| Okay, so the individual is the collective. | ||
| And is the species. | ||
| We are the species. | ||
| And the individual is the planet. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But also, you shouldn't be the collective, even though you are the collective? | ||
| Be the... | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Do you want some pills? | ||
| I'm telling you, man. | ||
| Rob Dew had some great ideas. | ||
| Be the collective, but also the individual, man. | ||
| Be the collective, but also the individual. | ||
| Where's Visor at? | ||
| I'll kill you! | ||
| It'd be so funny if all of the clips that I didn't play were just Alex being like, Rob Do is really smart. | ||
| Rob Do is really, really smart. | ||
| So that was, I always love it when he's getting all esoteric and kind of like philosophical and then it just goes straight into an ad. | ||
| And that made me think, maybe it's time for a commercial. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| So here is a little piece of one of Alex's commercials from 2015. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Communist China freely allows the sale of bulletproof armor plates, while our U.S. politicians argue from banning Americans from owning body armor. | ||
| Does that sound right to you? | ||
| Arm your American body at infidelbodyarmor.com. | ||
| Infidel body armor! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just won't quit. | |
| His messaging is strange. | ||
| Feels threatening, even though it's a defensive product. | ||
| Infidel body armor seems to have a purpose in mind. | ||
| Before you even begin. | ||
| And a target for somehow defensive weaponry. | ||
| It is strange. | ||
| Yeah, this bulletproof vest is only for Muslims. | ||
| It does not protect against sovereign citizen bullets. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| What about people who are role-playing as sovereign citizens? | ||
| Ooh, that's dangerous. | ||
| Depends on what their real religion is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| Everyone stops, absorbs what just happened, and is ready to move on. | ||
| Gotcha. | ||
| You're alright, not us. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| So, the beginning of this show, I would say a great deal of it, is this fake Matt Visor drama. | ||
| Alex is mad about ABC. | ||
| People saying that he cancelled. | ||
| He didn't cancel. | ||
| And then, thinking he's going to be able to prove his point about Jade Helm and what have you. | ||
| Joe Biggs. | ||
| You know, spreading some shit. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So that's kind of the first chunk. | ||
| And then the rest of it is a lot of GMO nonsense. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It is... | ||
| Oh, that's right, because he brought up Monsanto. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did. | |
| Yes, okay. | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Which I'm no fan of. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't like Monsanto. | ||
| Yeah, they're bad. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Still think Alex is wrong about a lot of stuff, but... | ||
| You know, Monsanto's not cool. | ||
| Maybe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is this a Monsanto crowd? | ||
| This is everybody in Baltimore depends on Monsanto and natural bohemian to survive. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| There's corn that only grows once and then there's beer that kills you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those are the only two things you get here! | |
| So he has two guests on to talk about GMO stuff. | ||
| And one of them is a guy named Jeffrey Smith. | ||
| And I'm just going to play a little clip of their interview because I thought it was mostly very boring. | ||
| But... | ||
| There's a vibe that you get that I thought was really interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| We've tracked in the epidemiological trends what is related to the increase of GMOs or what's related to the increase of Roundup. | ||
| The list of diseases is astonishing. | ||
| Deaths from stroke. | ||
| Deaths from senile dementia. | ||
| Deaths from obesity. | ||
| Deaths from high blood pressure. | ||
| And by the way, we see all that going up. | ||
| I mean, every week I hear about some... | ||
| 25 year old woman or 30 year old guy who just dies of a stroke. | ||
| It's just crazy. | ||
| So the whole vibe that I get listening to this is just like oh you guys haven't figured out the COVID vaccine yet. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You haven't gotten there yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's all the same stuff, but it's about GMO and glyphosate. | ||
| It's all the exact same narratives. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| And that same stuff being pitched. | ||
| I mean, it would have made more sense if we injected ourselves with Roundup during COVID. | ||
| Then I'd have been like, yeah, yeah, yeah, this guy's on to something. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's bad for you. | ||
| That may be bad. | ||
| That's probably poisons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you can even hear Alex being like, there's 20-year-old people having strokes. | ||
| That's never happened before. | ||
| Sure, sure, sure. | ||
| It's the same talking point. | ||
| There's kids playing soccer that just die of a heart attack. | ||
| Just like that! | ||
| Gotcha. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Same thing? | |
| It's very strange that you see these mirrors, these echoes through time that's like, ah, you're doing the same shit. | ||
| It's dark. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's a little bit of a bummer. | ||
| In a way, we definitely won't be sad ten years from now when we're doing the exact same thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| God, I hope not. | ||
| But if we do, we'll be right back here in Baltimore! | ||
| We'll be right back here in Baltimore! | ||
| Drinking Natty Bone. | ||
| Stealing the Utz mascot. | ||
| And the wife. | ||
| So Alex has another guest about the GMOs. | ||
| There's a guy named Percy Schmeiser. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Percy Schmeiser. | ||
| Oh, just like the Beastie Boys say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| I drink Budweiser, Percy Schmeiser. | ||
| Percy Schmeiser. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's good. | ||
| Okay, here's the introduction. | ||
| And Percy Schmeiser is, again, a farmer from Bruno, Saskatchewan, Canada. | ||
| I interviewed him when it was literally first in the news. | ||
| I'm proud of that fact. | ||
| He specializes in breeding and growing canola. | ||
| What? | ||
| I mean, he creates his own amazing seed line. | ||
| They didn't like that. | ||
| That's who they target. | ||
| They bought up the original seed line. | ||
| See, it's a monopoly. | ||
| He became an international symbol and spokesman for interdependent farmers'rights and the regulation of transgenetic crops during his protracted legal battle with multinational agricultural company Monsanto. | ||
| He was the subject of the 2009 David versus Monsanto film. | ||
| Schmeiser served as mayor of Bruno from 66 to 83 and as town counselor since 2003. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Mahatma Gandhi Award for working for the good of mankind in a nonviolent way. | ||
| That's a big global award, the Mahatma Gandhi Award. | ||
| I just have given it by their family. | ||
| Pretty cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty cool. | |
| I understand if you're talking about it like it's a word you've read and you've never heard said out loud before. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if you don't know how to pronounce Mahatma Gandhi, I think you're telling us a lot more than just I have not read that name recently. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Who? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sir Ben Kingsley! | |
| So Percy Schmeiser is a farmer from Canada who had Monsanto canola seeds find their way onto his land back in 1997. | ||
| This led to Monsanto suing him and what can only be described as a cascade of negative PR for Monsanto, which, to be fair, they probably deserved. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To be... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Fuck them! | ||
| To be totally clear, Monsanto didn't sue him because some of their canola was accidentally seeded onto his property. | ||
| After he discovered that herbicide-resistant canola was there, he separately harvested that for seed and replanted it the next season so widely that his 1,000-acre crop was 95 to 98 percent from that seed. | ||
| Which is what Monsanto ended up suing him over. | ||
| The retention and keeping of this. | ||
| It's still kind of bullshit. | ||
| Wait, so if I understand correctly, what else could they sue you over if it just finds its way onto your land and you're like, this helps. | ||
| If it was just, like, blown on in a little bit, I don't think they could sue him. | ||
| I think they probably wouldn't have been able to. | ||
| I think it's still bullshit, though. | ||
| But I think people often oversimplify it, like, oh, just a few seeds got on there, and then Monsanto fucked him over. | ||
| He did take affirmative action. | ||
| He took it to Monsanto. | ||
| And he's like, I'm gonna get your free shit. | ||
| I'm gonna get your shit for free. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I'll take that. | ||
| And then you got sued for taking your free shit. | ||
| Well, there is that. | ||
| So the case made it all the way to the Canadian Supreme Court, who decided that Monsanto... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do they have one of those? | |
| They do! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You're gonna find out the hard way when we get to Toronto. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I wonder if I'm invited. | ||
| So they, the court, that you do not respect... | ||
| I do not acknowledge... | ||
| Acknowledge the Canadian Supreme Court's revolving. | ||
| You're a sovereign citizen, but only in Canada. | ||
| But only in Canada. | ||
| So they decided that Monsanto had a valid patent for the gene that made their canola herbicide resistant, but they also found that Schmeiser didn't have to pay them anything because there was no evidence that he made additional profit by using the seeds that contained the patented gene. | ||
| So in the end, the court kind of ruled against him on all the issues, but he was personally fine. | ||
| He can just go. | ||
| Just to let everybody know, we have wasted everybody's time. | ||
| For years! | ||
| Waste of everybody's time, but guess what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of lawyers got paid, baby! | |
| So after this, he became a folk hero, the anti-GMO folks. | ||
| And in 2022, there was a movie made about him called Percy, where he's played by Christopher Walken. | ||
| There's not enough guys. | ||
| There's not enough guys, but he did later star in Percy Jackson as Schmeiser. | ||
| So this movie about the guy, it was directed by Clark Johnson, who played Gus, the newspaper editor, in season five of The Wire, which I'm contractually obligated to bring up once while we're on this tour. | ||
| So that was where I got it in. | ||
| We have been told by no fewer than four people about either The Wire or how great crime is here. | ||
| The cab driver. | ||
| I don't mean that it's low. | ||
| I mean that you guys are fucking great at it. | ||
| So Percy did win the Mahatma Gandhi Award, as Alex points out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But Alex is kind of wrong. | ||
| It's not given out by the Gandhi family. | ||
| I would not be surprised if that was the case. | ||
| It's awarded by the Gandhi Global Family, which is an NGO that works with the UN. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So Alex should definitely not be... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He should not like them that much. | ||
| It'd be kind of weird if the Gandhi family specifically gave out awards. | ||
| Just like randomly. | ||
| You remind me of Mahatma! | ||
| You got one! | ||
| You kept going when Monsanto sued you. | ||
| Good job! | ||
| Reminds me of a thing. | ||
| So, I didn't think this interview was all that interesting either, honestly. | ||
| And part of the reason is Percy seems kind of just like a nice old man who's a farmer. | ||
| And Alex... | ||
| Does Alex? | ||
| Eh, well, that's about as good as he's gonna get. | ||
| So this dynamic, I thought, was really well embodied by this clip, where Percy is talking about, like, Monsanto telling him, like, no one stands up to us. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then you'll hear how serious Alex is as a person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And coming out the door of the Assembly of the South African Parliament, one of Monsanto's reps ran into my wife and myself, and he shook his fist in our face and said, no one, no one ever stands up to us. | |
| up to Montana. | ||
| We're going to get both of you somehow someday and we're going to destroy you. | ||
| So you can imagine the pressure that we had on us at a time that went to the stream Stay there, Percy. | ||
| We're going to give you the floor in a long 18-minute segment coming up. | ||
| Sounds like the Borg. | ||
| We will assimilate you. | ||
| Resistance is futile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We are here to assimilate you. | |
| Submit. | ||
| Submit to Cybertron. | ||
| Submit to Megatron. | ||
| Hand yourselves over to GMO. | ||
| No one will be spared on the march. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Empire's on the run. | |
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Percy's talking about like, we went all the way to the Supreme Court and someone from Monsanto said, no one stands up to us and I fought the good fight. | ||
| Boop! | ||
| I like where you're going, but I want to explain it to my audience. | ||
| It's like Star Trek! | ||
| It's the Borg! | ||
| They're coming for you! | ||
| And I'm so good at voices. | ||
| Here is the Borg. | ||
| I am the Borg. | ||
| It's not really an episode of Alex Doesn't Do a Voice, I think. | ||
| I think at this point. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right. | ||
| So it's kind of a bummer, you know? | ||
| The whole rest of this episode is like, I don't care. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's cool that the guy, like, won? | ||
| Sort of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he win? | |
| No, he lost, but he won. | ||
| Monsanto won on the issues, but he won in terms of, I don't owe Monsanto a shitload of money. | ||
| What a weird world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a push, right? | ||
| Like, how do you go to court and just get a push? | ||
| It's like, ah, we tied. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's Canada. | ||
| You tie here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, Canada, you tie. | ||
| We went to the Supreme Court and they're like, why did we do this? | ||
| Ah, come on. | ||
| The verdict was, whoops. | ||
| The verdict in Canada's Supreme Court is, we kind of want to make everybody happy. | ||
| We're sorry for wasting your time! | ||
| That is true. | ||
| I did read the court case from the Supreme Court, the brief that ended up from this case, and it does end with, I'm sorry. | ||
| We apologize for the inconvenience. | ||
| So, I didn't want... | ||
| There's nothing else from the episode to go over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But I do have one more clip for you all. | ||
| And that is because there's another commercial. | ||
| And this commercial contains a song that has plagued me forever. | ||
| Oh my god, I'm so excited. | ||
| It is a company that has... | ||
| Sponsored his show over years. | ||
| So I've heard this commercial. | ||
| Can't even count how many times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure, sure, sure. | |
| But it's not the same commercial. | ||
| It's the same company. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| But it's different commercials. | ||
| And this commercial freaks me the fuck out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| It is one of the weirdest commercials I've ever heard. | ||
| You are hyping it as if we were born to hype! | ||
| I was! | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| All right. | ||
| Hey neighbor, what are you doing digging? | ||
| You had a heart attack last year. | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| I was told no more hard labor. | ||
| What?! | ||
| Well boy. | ||
| Actually, we've taken herbs for thousands of years. | ||
| Extendivite is doing the job for me. | ||
| Does your doctor know about Extendivite? | ||
| Yeah, my doctor knows, and he said it seems to be working for you, so don't stop taking it. | ||
| I feel great taking Extendivite. | ||
| I don't want to stop. | ||
| Okay, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Getting really defensive about you taking this Extendivite. | |
| I'm just your neighbor. | ||
| I was just trying to be polite, asking you why you're out here digging. | ||
| You had a heart attack. | ||
| You're out here digging, and now you're telling me about garlic and cayenne. | ||
| He explained why he's digging. | ||
| You just had a heart attack last week. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Why do you think I'm fucking digging? | ||
| You think my wife can afford a gravestone? | ||
| No! | ||
| That's why I'm taking Extendivite! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not a drug! | |
| Legally, it is not a drug. | ||
| Also, I love a commercial that in the middle of the commercial is just like... | ||
| Hey, does your doctor know about this? | ||
| Don't worry about it and don't ask. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He totally does. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's cool. | |
| He said it was a great idea. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| But again, don't ask your doctor because mine knows about it. | ||
| You can go see my guy. | ||
| He knows. | ||
| And the last line is, I don't want to stop taking it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At no point does she say, stop taking this stuff. | |
| It freaks me out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And extend your life with Extender Hoover. | |
| I sing that in the shower. | ||
| It has plagued me. | ||
| And now it will do the same to you all. | ||
| Unfortunately. | ||
| Extend-a-light. | ||
| Extend-o-vite. | ||
| Extend-o-invitation? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Sure, sure, sure. | ||
| I bet it's not still available. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| I bet they... | ||
| Gotten. | ||
| Let's say they've made it to the Canadian Supreme Court. | ||
| I'll tell you this. | ||
| Based on that commercial, I don't think it even exists. | ||
| I think if you order Extendovite, you will get a big box of nothing. | ||
| You'll get just cloves of garlic. | ||
| Spicy garlic. | ||
| No wonder your doctor knows about it. | ||
| I do like that that commercial, too, is like a bad sketch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Like, if someone was doing that intentionally, it's pretty funny. | ||
| No, if I was at Second City and somebody was like, hey, why are you digging? | ||
| You just had a heart attack last week. | ||
| I'd be like, ah, that's a shit premise. | ||
| That's no good. | ||
| That's no good. | ||
| You can't yes and that. | ||
| See, now this is dangerous because we come from stand-up, so when we see a phone, that is like the get-the-fuck-off-stage sign. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely! | ||
| But it's even worse news, and that is that ExtendoVite is still available. | ||
| I just like that we've developed an audience that is not just going to let that shit fly. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright? | |
| And, you know, as soon as you asked, I was like, I fucked up because I don't have ten minutes of... | ||
| Lore about Extendivite. | ||
| I just heard a fucked up commercial. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Well, Jordan, how do you feel? | ||
| How do you feel like you've learned a lot? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, man, I still don't know whether or not I am an individual or the collective. | |
| Here's the great news. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Okay, that's nice. | ||
| Because super male vitality will make you feel weird. | ||
| And then you'll get it. | ||
| Yeah, that does actually sound right. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Still available. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Extendovite. | |
| That sounds also like adjacent to a dick pill, right? | ||
| Extendovite. | ||
| Kind of all of these things could work. | ||
| They probably do. | ||
| They probably work great. | ||
| Dan, why are you fucking your wife? | ||
| You just had a heart attack last week. | ||
| Well, my doctor's cool. | ||
| It's been our show! | ||
| Thank you all so much! |