June 18, 2025 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:21:12
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | |
| All day. | ||
| Thanks, sir. | ||
| Live and running. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The ever greater and thinner Big Jay Oakerson. | ||
| Thank you, Manjaro. | ||
| Shout out, Manjaro. | ||
| You're looking good, dude. | ||
| Big ups, Manjaro. | ||
| It's nice to see. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I am exercising, too. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| You have to, or it will just be floppy and weird and gross. | ||
| Or it'll eat your bones. | ||
| I guess also, yes, it'll eat your bones, they say. | ||
| I'm real big on taking this stuff and then not really following up with like, you know what I mean? | ||
| I just started doing testosterone from a company that's like, you know, it's above board taking it, but like, they're like, you should make sure you monitor your blood all the time. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, we'll get to that at some point. | ||
| I'm gonna keep taking it, though. | ||
| You don't monitor your blood at all? | ||
| No, not me with any regularity, I think. | ||
| You should probably do that. | ||
| Yeah, they did it there. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Someone I know says they take testosterone and they have to, like, donate blood every month to get blood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've heard that before. | |
| I've heard that before. | ||
| Because their blood's so thick. | ||
| I talked to my doctor about it. | ||
| He goes, that really doesn't make sense. | ||
| But he has heard of occasions where people had to do that. | ||
| To unthicken their blood. | ||
| Like, you have too much blood or something? | ||
| They're like, how much are you taking? | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| Are you going ham, bro? | ||
| This man's health company saw me coming down the road a mile away. | ||
| And I don't even know. | ||
| We started. | ||
| Sorry, we couldn't wait. | ||
| Why even ask me? | ||
| I gotta know. | ||
| While you were on the door, I was like, this doesn't make sense. | ||
| Let's just start. | ||
| I'm taking two peptides that feel like fire. | ||
| It feels like fire when I inject them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What are they? | ||
| Well, the BPC-157, that's the one everyone's doing. | ||
| Right, that's a good one. | ||
| And then something that's blue. | ||
| It's blue. | ||
| Oh, methylene blue? | ||
| I don't know, it burns. | ||
| Wait a minute, methylene, hold up. | ||
| Methylene blue, you're not supposed to inject. | ||
| It's not that then. | ||
| It's G. It starts with a G. It's not one of the letters. | ||
| G-H. | ||
| Methylene blue is weird stuff. | ||
| It's a dye for fabrics that people take for its health benefits. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Boost mitochondria or something. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| What exactly does it do? | ||
| I should ask, even though I take it. | ||
| I don't take it all the time, but I have taken it. | ||
| And I don't know. | ||
| I couldn't describe. | ||
| I couldn't explain. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| A medication used in the management and treatment of medications what's that word? | ||
| Methamoglobinemia. | ||
| Methamoglobinemia. | ||
| A condition where hemoglobin decreases its ability to carry oxygen. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Straight up. | ||
| But it started out as a fabric dye, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Doesn't it say that? | ||
| What is it two for humans? | ||
| I think it was a dye. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is so weird that a dye would have health benefits. | ||
| I grew up in a house of supplements. | ||
| My stepfather was a power lifter, so I only know about creatine. | ||
| Sick. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Creatinine was another one that would show up in the house sometimes. | ||
| Creatinine? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think Jason can creatine twice and he's just remembering it wrong. | ||
| Nah, it was another word. | ||
| Super creatine. | ||
| Creatine's legit. | ||
| That stuff's super good for you. | ||
| I just started taking Tongat Ali for my testosterone. | ||
| Creatinine is a waste product that forms from the breakdown of creatine in muscles. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Why would I take it? | ||
| There's another natural one. | ||
| I think it's called turkesterone. | ||
| I know Shilajit is good for testosterone. | ||
| I think that's what it's called. | ||
| Yeah, there's a few of those. | ||
| I asked my doctor to put me on testosterone I think we talked about it because you're like, dude, I got, don't worry, fuck your doctor. | ||
| I got a doctor for you. | ||
| And I was just like, yeah, maybe I'll just stop smoking weed. | ||
| You think that was killing your testosterone? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| It was like lower than it should have been. | ||
| It was like in the high threes and now it's like mid fives. | ||
| Well, like a good doctor, what they'll do first is ask you like, what do you do for exercise? | ||
| What are you eating? | ||
| How much do you sleep? | ||
| Like those things are all. | ||
| The first thing the doctor will ask you. | ||
| And if all that stuff's fucked up, they shouldn't just give you testosterone. | ||
| They should be like, let's fix it. | ||
| My place did. | ||
| Shout out Game Day Men's Health. | ||
| 15 minutes. | ||
| They'll give me anything I want in a needle. | ||
| There's a few doctors out there that like to go buck wild. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I think they get incentivized. | ||
| I got PRP treatment in my hair. | ||
| I'm not losing my hair. | ||
| They just talked me into it. | ||
| Now it's never going away. | ||
| PRP worked? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We're going to find out. | ||
| I just got it like two weeks ago. | ||
| Jay is a mark. | ||
| His hair's thinning. | ||
| It's definitely going. | ||
| There's a bunch of topical stuff that you could use these days. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's like a finasteride topical. | ||
| But I would worry that that would get into your skin and into your bloodstream. | ||
| Like that finasteride stuff is crazy. | ||
| Like that makes some people very depressed. | ||
| It kills your DHT, which is what keeps your hair from falling out. | ||
| And for some people, it just kills their testosterone. | ||
| They get like super depressed. | ||
| Yeah, I started losing my hair when I was 18. I just said, fuck it. | ||
| I was bald. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I love not having to talk to a barber. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the best. | |
| You shave it with a big razor. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| How do you find out how much that your barber doesn't know you but is a big fan of Ralph Barbosa? | ||
| You guys aren't going to find that out. | ||
| Is that what you get from your barber? | ||
|
unidentified
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I don't know you, but Ralph Barbosa is the fucking man, dog. | |
| Oh, Kenny. | ||
| His name's Kenny. | ||
| He's a nice enough guy. | ||
| Ralph Barboza is slick. | ||
| He's like a slick comedian. | ||
| His punchlines are smooth. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Very funny, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a great... | ||
| He's got a fun, just his approach. | ||
| Delivery. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's very slick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's sending the elevator down. | ||
| I mean, he's going and taking guys on tour that I've never heard of, but I think have been around for a long time. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It's a cool move. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, very good dude. | ||
| He hung out with us at the mothership one night. | ||
| Fun guy. | ||
| Yeah, he got popular for, uh, he, like, someone said on, like, George Lopez's show or something, they were like, this guy sucks. | ||
| Or no, George Lopez was like, I don't get it, he's just whatever, and then I think he made fun of him back. | ||
| I think someone was talking well about him, and then George Lopez was very dismissive of him. | ||
| And I think that's what happened. | ||
| And someone asked Ralph about it on something, and his response, I think, is what made it very popular. | ||
| I think he was just saying, because he doesn't like me, because one of those comments goes like, And I think that just, you know, you can show any picture of George Lopez bugging his eyes out and make that hilarious. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It's good, fucking good fireback. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you good at living in comedy beefs? | ||
| I'm so terrible at it. | ||
| No, I don't like comedy beefs. | ||
| I fucking hate it. | ||
| I don't like any beefs. | ||
| Lewis, you've been in a few where you've gone to bed on... | ||
| No, I'm the loser. | ||
| I get on a flight and I'll be on Twitter for fucking hours just tweeting at people for no reason. | ||
| No, but I mean like particular, like a person you could put a face to, like a comic. | ||
| Not that I haven't had a problem with somebody before. | ||
| But I mean like I don't know it's I have a hard time like sleeping on like I'm gonna run this person every night and we hate each other It's been a while. | ||
| I mean I I'm not it's just not that serious There's nobody in the world that I hate like there's literally no even people that hate me. | ||
| I'm like yeah, dude We're cool. | ||
| The guy that murdered your father? | ||
| Dude, I try to get him on my podcast. | ||
| Oh my god So the guy my father was stabbed to death when I was four years old and then years later I got out of prison I was like let me try to get this guy on my podcast and interview him How interesting would that be? | ||
|
unidentified
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But he was already dead Yeah, dude, that would have been insane. | |
| Yeah, cuz I didn't I wasn't like it was a kid Like showing up at this young guy's house who you stabbed his dad you're gonna be alone together that guy's gonna kill you That's what I would think I was an old man. | ||
| I couldn't defend myself I don't think it was that old he was 17 when he killed my father So he was only 13 years older than me, so he'd be like 60 now, I guess Yeah, but this is like a decade ago that I was gonna do it. | ||
| That guy's a convicted murderer, dude. | ||
| He could fuck your shit up. | ||
| Yeah, but he was a kid, and my father beat him up. | ||
| My father was a bully. | ||
| What if he called McGregor? | ||
| He goes, well, Lewis, I'd like to say I apologize to absolutely fucking nobody at all. | ||
| Yeah, but I thought that would have been an interesting conversation. | ||
| I wasn't like going into it being like, oh, you've killed my father. | ||
| I'm angry. | ||
| I got a great life. | ||
| My father lived. | ||
| I would be fucking probably living in Patterson, New Jersey still. | ||
| I have a shit life. | ||
| That's what we always tell ourselves. | ||
| A drug dealer and a pimp, if he was alive. | ||
| Yeah, it worked out well. | ||
| Yeah, but that's always it. | ||
| If my dad stuck around, maybe I wouldn't have the personality I have and I wouldn't be where I'm at. | ||
| So? | ||
| Maybe it would be way better. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, I wouldn't have my kid. | ||
| Maybe I'd be a head of state or something. | ||
| If that one sperm had to hit that one egg, I wouldn't have my son right now if my father was alive. | ||
| If anything happened differently. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, Ashton Kutcher. | ||
| That's a butterfly effect over here. | ||
| Guy watches one movie and all of a sudden he doesn't figure it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, you guys ever think maybe we're just plugged into a pod somewhere? | |
| And this is all nothing? | ||
| I'm gonna see if I can fly real quick. | ||
| I think there's something to that we're plugged into something. | ||
| It seems more like it every day. | ||
| It seems like this is like an advanced stage of the video game right now, where like they're lighting cop cars on fire in LA and throwing bricks off of overpass. | ||
| Dude, it does seem fun to order a Waymo and light it on fire. | ||
| Nobody gets hurt. | ||
| It's just hilarious. | ||
| And I think it's directionally correct. | ||
| You should probably start killing robots. | ||
| You guys are on the right course. | ||
| They're early on the war of the machines. | ||
| Trying to stop the Terminator! | ||
| Bro, these are all going to be owned by corporations and it's going to be the only way you're allowed to get around. | ||
| Because they're the safest. | ||
| They're going to take away everybody's driver's license. | ||
| It's going to get weird as fuck. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| But it's going to probably be better. | ||
| The car's going to go 200 miles an hour probably. | ||
| Traffic will be eliminated. | ||
| Dude, I think there are going to be more of these fucking things that we just saw in LA. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I've heard that teenagers are going back to smoking regular cigarettes now and getting away from vapes. | ||
| We might move back analog a little bit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Bring back manual cars. | ||
| I wonder if analog makes some sort of... | ||
| Yeah, but it's too late. | ||
| They do want it to slow down. | ||
| I mean, the electric car didn't really take off the way they'd hoped. | ||
| Yeah, the problem with electric cars is the charging time's too much. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| If you're a young single woman, and you have to charge your car, and you have to just sit there for a fucking hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I also feel that way, so I feel like you just called me a young single woman. | |
| Well, you're a man. | ||
| Any human's vulnerable, but a woman by herself is particularly vulnerable, right? | ||
| Like, if you're a hot girl, and you're sitting in your car, how many fucking creeps that know that you have to be there for an hour? | ||
| How many creeps can bother you? | ||
| That's a great idea, Joe. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| I'm gonna start getting girls at the fucking charging stations. | ||
| I almost rented a Tesla once. | ||
| Just go to Starbucks, get a large order, and just walk down the aisle of Teslas waiting to find a hot one. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Have you ever driven a Tesla? | ||
| Have you ever driven one? | ||
| Nah, dude. | ||
| From the 70s. | ||
| Don't trust that electric shit. | ||
| I was gonna rent one once, and they gave me the keys, and I was like, this is gonna be fun, and then I remembered you have to charge it. | ||
| I was like, I gotta drive to fucking Rhode Island right now. | ||
| I was like, I'm gonna have to stop halfway there and charge the car for a while. | ||
| I think you can get there, it's just then you have to charge it. | ||
| No, I don't think we wouldn't have made it. | ||
| No, it's like the real mileage is different than the mileage it says. | ||
| So it really should say, like, percentage of battery, but they want you to, like, estimate the mileage, but it's all dependent upon how fast you're going. | ||
| Like, if you're accelerating a lot, if you're moving around, if you stop and go traffic, like, who knows what the real mileage is? | ||
| If you're on, like, say if you get stuck in a crazy traffic jam for, like, four hours, like some explosion somewhere, like, and you supposedly have 200 miles on your car. | ||
| With the radio on? | ||
| With the air conditioning on? | ||
| So we're team Trump then, not Elon? | ||
| Fuck Elon Musk. | ||
| Fuck your stupid car. | ||
| If it's cold, they die quick. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, that happened in Chicago. | ||
| Remember when they had that fucking big thing where the highway got closed down? | ||
| And people in Teslas were fucked, man. | ||
| Because they just stopped working. | ||
| Also, if you blow a tire, Tesla has to come fix that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why's that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But they have to come handle it. | ||
| The function of Tesla's, though, is amazing. | ||
| Dude, they're amazing. | ||
| they fucking drive themselves. | ||
| You press the 100%. | ||
| It changes lanes. | ||
| Bro, it's nuts. | ||
| You could put on like It's that good. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I don't do it. | ||
| I don't do it, but I have done it. | ||
| But I keep my hand near the wheel just to see what it can do. | ||
| It does everything. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's much better. | ||
| I get like road paralysis where like if I'm like driving for more than an hour and I'm looking at the lines. | ||
| Not paralysis. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| Like road hypnosis. | ||
| So I'll get hypnotized by the lines and I start falling asleep. | ||
| I start falling asleep. | ||
| If I have to drive for more than an hour or two at night. | ||
| You know how to fix that? | ||
| Do you know how to fix that? | ||
| It's real easy. | ||
| Cocaine. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, that's not cocaine. | ||
| That'll work too. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But you have to keep doing it over and over again. | ||
| Get some ice and just a washcloth. | ||
| A wet washcloth with ice in it. | ||
| And just rub your face. | ||
| Rub your face with it. | ||
| You wake right up. | ||
| You wake right up. | ||
| And it lasts for like five minutes. | ||
| Wash it like you keep in your car. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| Chicks are going to love that. | ||
| The smelling salts you have in the club. | ||
| Oh, those will do it. | ||
| Those will do it. | ||
| I did a terrible prude. | ||
| But they might fuck you up. | ||
| You might change lanes. | ||
| You maybe shouldn't tell this. | ||
| It might be illegal what you've done. | ||
| No, it's not illegal. | ||
| I will say it's a bad prank to do on a girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If this was a dude, this is a crazy dangerous prank. | |
| If this was a dude, everyone would have been like, dude, great prank. | ||
| But because I did it to a girl, it was a little bit fucked up. | ||
| So we were at the mothership last time we were doing our podcast. | ||
| And our producer, Alex, is a girl. | ||
| And she's a big pod-ed. | ||
| Huge pod-ed. | ||
| Like, real deal. | ||
| So, as podcast producers are. | ||
| Also a mother and a wonderful producer. | ||
| And a mother, yes. | ||
| Better producer than mother. | ||
| No, she's great. | ||
| They're really particularly strong smelling salts. | ||
| So then I go, Alex, I was like, this weed is fucking great. | ||
| Give it a whiff. | ||
| Then I gave her the smelling salt container. | ||
| She put her nose in it. | ||
| Dude, she sniffed so hard. | ||
| You know how potheads want to smell weed. | ||
| She cried. | ||
| It was a 30-minute problem. | ||
| She said the word why a lot. | ||
| Remember Nancy Kerrigan got her slugged out by the fuck? | ||
| She's like, why? | ||
| I sweat black. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I flew here to help you produce a show. | |
| I felt so bad. | ||
| You should not do that. | ||
| It was a bad prank. | ||
| If that was a dude, is it not just undeniably hilarious? | ||
| Still pretty brutal. | ||
| Yeah, if it's a guy, it's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Funny-er. | ||
| Yeah, it's funny. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It wasn't funny. | ||
| If it's a guy, it's funny. | ||
| Depend on the guy, you know? | ||
| Like, if you, you know, if you did it to Dave Attell, it would be mean. | ||
| No, it'd be funny. | ||
| You do it to Kurt Metzger, he just starts punching walls. | ||
| He's just rattled off conspiracy theories. | ||
| Pretty girls being embarrassed, though, is funny. | ||
| Oh, it's hilarious. | ||
| It is the most evening factor ever. | ||
| I did a, uh, when I was on tour with the band years ago, Korn did a Jägermeister music tour. | ||
| They always had the Jäger girls would hang out, and I was on the Jägermeister production bus on this tour, so the girls would all come on there. | ||
| They would come and hang out and drink for free on the bus. | ||
| And, you know, tour buses, you're not allowed to shit on a tour bus. | ||
| And only one of the Yeager girls asked if she could use the bathroom. | ||
| It was just in the time we were there. | ||
| And she went, gorgeous girl. | ||
| And she came back out and she was sitting down. | ||
| And then the driver comes to start getting the bus ready to leave. | ||
| And just, you know, a toothless fucking road dog just comes in the bus. | ||
| And you go, somebody took a shit. | ||
| And everybody knew it was this hot chicken fishnets. | ||
| And I mean, just the thing, she was so beautiful that me, probably my heaviest in my life, I was like, I probably could get her now. | ||
| She's the shit girl. | ||
| No one's seeking her out. | ||
| and I'll still do it. | ||
| You can't clean up that good in a fucking... | ||
| Ever. | ||
| What about the MTV girl? | ||
| Why don't they develop a toilet that you can shit on on a bus? | ||
| Is that beyond our science? | ||
| I'm sure there's something that can be done. | ||
| It seems like it should be done. | ||
| I think they're just being lazy. | ||
| No shitting on the tour bus. | ||
| What if you have to take a shit? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But if you have to empty it out, that's the problem. | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| You can shit on the tour bus, but the person that has to clean the toilet has to now empty out your shit amongst the piss. | ||
| Like manually with a hose and shit. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| It's some dude's job that he has to deal with. | ||
| There should be something where you could pull over and those rest stops have a thing that sucks your shit out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like out of the tank. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be very profitable for them. | ||
| What are they going to do? | ||
| They'd have to store you. | ||
| No, you figure it out. | ||
| That's the last thing you want to do is be in shit storage. | ||
| Truck stop, yeah. | ||
| Truck stop, shit storage. | ||
| They're sucking my shit out outside. | ||
| I'm in here buying jerky. | ||
| Dave Matthews band. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| The bus driver let that stuff out over the water. | ||
| The boat went underneath it. | ||
| And it splattered the boat with doo-doo from Dave Matthews Band. | ||
| Didn't you see a thing recently where they show like a cruise ship or something just letting shit out of the front? | ||
| I don't think that's real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| I thought that was real, too. | ||
| I think that's like dredging. | ||
| I'll be suckered in a heartbeat by an AI thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Do you know that super hot down center girl? | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That OnlyFans? | ||
| A.I. Down syndrome girl? | ||
| Oh, don't I know it. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Bro, nothing's real anymore. | ||
| How many videos have you seen? | ||
| I saw a thing about Trump saying that they were going to genetically engineer raptors and have the fucking troops ride them to protect the border. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| But it's like you see them. | ||
| They brought back the dire wolf. | ||
| How could it be done? | ||
| It's so hard to tell now. | ||
| Weaponizing dinosaurs would be the funniest thing in the world. | ||
| Oh, is that fake? | ||
| It's like a quick series of four or five little fake ones, but they look real, and then they just go like, this isn't real, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
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I, from the Cedar Grove flood disaster, just kidding, I'm not real. | |
| This is Dana Brooks, reporting live from Ocean View Beach. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| I'm not real. | ||
| This is Charlotte Reed reporting live from Clearwater Beach, where an unidentified I'm not real. | ||
| Is she implying the Kraken is real? | ||
| The Kraken's real. | ||
| I'm fake. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| Listen, eating healthy is hard, like really hard. | ||
| I mean, you gotta cook, meal plan, grocery shop, on top of all the other shit you have to do. | ||
| It's tough to truly eat healthy. | ||
| I mean, most people start their day with coffee, grab some garbage lunch, and if you're lucky, get yourself a decent dinner. | ||
| And even if you do manage to eat healthy, you're probably still not getting all the nutrients you need. | ||
| That's just the reality. | ||
| But hey, there's something that can help. | ||
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| Just go to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan. | ||
| One scoop a day, your body will thank you. | ||
| Again, that's drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is crazy. | ||
| I'm starting to think you and Theo Vaughn aren't two babies talking to each other. | ||
| I watch ads with you all the time. | ||
| Companies just use your voice in AI. | ||
| I sent you one at one point where it's just like, I was like, I know this is not Joe glazing this fucking weird company for a 10-minute read. | ||
| I was like, they really got him to do this, huh? | ||
| So strange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you try to put a stop to that or you just say fuck it? | ||
| Yeah, you try. | ||
| The guy who made that said it took 25 minutes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I told a racist street joke on Legion of Skanks 10 years ago, and me saying the N-word has been used in so many memes and little videos. | ||
| But it's so funny because black people react to it, and it's such a funny street joke that they can't deny it. | ||
| It's like an undeniably funny thing, so it's always black people trying to not laugh, and they say it, and I'm like, pfft, that's pretty good. | ||
| That's pretty funny. | ||
| It's a pretty great street joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Some words are coming back. | ||
| That one's not one of them. | ||
| No. | ||
| Bro, these ice raids are fucking nuts, man. | ||
| Watching this protest on television, it's like... | ||
| All of it's nuts. | ||
| I think both sides are taking it a little too hard. | ||
| Well, I don't think if they... | ||
| And we're going to arrest all the people at Home Depot. | ||
| We're going to go to construction sites and we're going to just like tackle people at constructions. | ||
| I don't think anybody would have signed up for that. | ||
| They said we're going to get rid of the criminals and the gang members first, right? | ||
| And now we're seeing like Home Depots get raided. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you've got this big protest that's scheduled for the 14th that's literally funded by the lady who owns Walmart. | ||
| To protest. | ||
| To protest. | ||
| It's like no kings. | ||
| It's like a no kings protest. | ||
| It's happening all across the country. | ||
| Yeah, like criminals and rapists and, you know, obviously, but then they go to like a college campus and there's some kid about to graduate. | ||
| They're like, no, you're out. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| Rapists, criminals, slow delivery people, ones that can't dance or play the flamenco guitar. | ||
| I've got a list. | ||
| I think it's fucking crazy how violent it's gotten. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't That's what I mean. | |
| But again, I think all these things, 90% of the people that are there are just like, let's rage, motherfucker. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Also, there's people that are saying they're being paid to protest. | ||
| Yeah, they're saying they're... | ||
| Piles of bricks are showing up. | ||
| Like, you know, there's construction sites around the city. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| That was weird, dude. | ||
| I was in the city during that time. | ||
| You were, too, during the pandemic. | ||
| No, those bricks were just fucking out there. | ||
| I lived on a police block. | ||
| I was barricaded in with them. | ||
| And I felt bad for the black cops. | ||
| No, one day there was no bricks. | ||
| And the black cops were like, sorry, man. | ||
| I'm not having my hand on his shoulder. | ||
| I'm like, you're going to be all right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shoot that motherfucker. | |
| Did you see the video of the cops getting the rocks thrown at him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| They had to hide under the overpass. | ||
| They're throwing them at the cops. | ||
| I mean, you're 100% possibly killing somebody. | ||
| Yeah, it's attempted murder. | ||
| You had a fucking cinder block brick onto someone's head from an overpass. | ||
| They're probably dead. | ||
| It's a good chance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Good fucking chance, man. | ||
| I mean, if Lord of the Flies taught us anything. | ||
| That's how Piggy died. | ||
| That's who I related to. | ||
| This kind of shit can escalate. | ||
| I feel of the Good Son where they push the dummy off the overpass. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember? | |
| Make them think they killed somebody. | ||
| It's pretty wild what's going on, but I mean I don't know like I said everybody running out of like Louis Vuitton with a bunch of like You've seen that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's happening, too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, they're looting. | ||
| I didn't know they were looting, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Parkour. | |
| And I said it's funny. | ||
| Which, if I was a 19-year-old kid, I would be out there looting, unquestionably. | ||
| Well, as soon as lawlessness happens, people take advantage. | ||
| That's always going to be the case, right? | ||
| I mean, these cops are just standing, though, under nonstop graffiti. | ||
| It's like, murder all cops. | ||
| It's like sitting there, it's like, and the people are To the cops like why don't you do the right thing and not shoot me with a rubber bullet Well, you know what the problem is the problem is there's cops that just shoot people with rubber bullets for no reason Did you see that lady, that Australian reporter that got shot? | ||
| Did you see that video? | ||
| It's pretty hilarious. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| Because you see the guy do it. | ||
| You see the cop. | ||
| Just look at her while she's talking. | ||
| She's clearly not a criminal. | ||
| She's just reporting the news. | ||
| And he fucking shoots her in the leg with a rubber bullet. | ||
| The leg's hilarious. | ||
| It's really good stuff. | ||
| Let's watch this. | ||
| That's funnier than making my producer smell smelling salts. | ||
| Dude, it's a real dance bitch moment. | ||
| Dance bitch. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I mean, I can't believe that he would do this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the chick? | |
| Go full screen, please. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| This is nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
protesters moving them on through the heart of the she's got the shitty australian accent though Dance, bitch. | |
| Bro. | ||
| They just shot a reporter. | ||
| Like, look, that guy just points and says, fuck this lady. | ||
| It's going to be good promotional for her 2,000-person gangbang she's doing on OnlyFans this summer. | ||
| I mean, what is that? | ||
| Do you want to know why people get angry at cops? | ||
| It's shit like that. | ||
| I would say you shoot a white woman every couple minutes and everyone starts going, oh, they're shooting everybody. | ||
| Is that a thing where you're kicking everybody out of the street and the press thinks they don't have to listen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| So you don't want to listen. | ||
| You're tired of this shit, and you decide to shoot her in the leg? | ||
| Which is fucking insane. | ||
| That's so insane. | ||
| You don't yell, lady, get out of the fucking street. | ||
| You're a shooter. | ||
| This one happened too. | ||
| After this minute goes down, this guy ends up shooting him at close range. | ||
| What is this about? | ||
| 40 millimeter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Yeah, I'm not going anywhere. | ||
| What's your badge number? | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| I'm going to phone with you right now, because you're taking up my phone. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I'm gonna pop you right now because you're taking up my focus? | ||
| Look, it's not okay. | ||
| It's not okay. | ||
| But I will say, I grew up at a time where if you talk shit to cops, nobody had camera phones or anything, a cop would just fuck you up. | ||
| And there's something hilarious about that cop just shooting that guy in the dick. | ||
| There's a thing about them rubber bullets. | ||
| Like, you're shooting somebody, but you're not shooting them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're kind of half shooting them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But you are like, fuck. | ||
| What you want to do is shoot them. | ||
| And you're not allowed to. | ||
| It's against the law. | ||
| And it's not right. | ||
| So you shoot them with a rubber bullet. | ||
| And it's not right. | ||
| But you can shoot people when you really shouldn't be shooting them with a rubber bullet. | ||
| I feel like getting shot in the dick with a rubber bullet could have irreparable damages. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| People have lost eyeballs, bro. | ||
| 20, this guy had to have portions of his gym. | ||
| I do have a hard time feeling... | ||
| Say that again? | ||
| It says there. | ||
| He later had to have surgery to reattach portions of his genitalia. | ||
| Portions? | ||
| What are they, serving it? | ||
| How big is this guy's dick? | ||
| What kind of a dick does this guy have? | ||
| I wish my dick could be cut up into portions. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| He just knocked out the middle. | ||
| Which one you having for breakfast? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| If he broke the middle off, I'd be like, can you give me a longer middle? | ||
| Can you put a longer middle back on? | ||
| I get extension. | ||
| I don't care if it's a different color. | ||
| Just try to match it as best you can. | ||
| All this gene editing. | ||
| How far away are we from big dicks? | ||
| Oh, you think it'd be the first thing? | ||
| I wouldn't think they'd have been working that out. | ||
| Depends who comes up with the science. | ||
| If the Asians come up with the science, that's first thing. | ||
| Well, they have the science with the genetic engineering. | ||
| Oh, so you're saying before your baby's inborn, you'd be like, hey, also, I want my son to have a huge fucking dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big dick. | |
| That's a weird conversation to have. | ||
| I'm thinking monster cock. | ||
| If you just let your kid have a regular dick and all his friends have giant dicks, that'd be a real problem. | ||
| Your kid would be so upset. | ||
| You mean you could have given me a giant dick as well, Dad? | ||
| Oh, I wanted people to like you for you. | ||
| I needed money for bowling. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| I'll be upstairs jerking off with three fingers if anyone needs me alone with no friends. | ||
| I just remember being like 12 being like, when is it going to grow? | ||
| Like, when's it going to get big? | ||
| And it just never really did. | ||
| You just kept having that conversation with yourself? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on, bud. | ||
| Up until I was a full-fledged adult. | ||
| Come on, bud. | ||
| Now's the time. | ||
| It's a sketch on Segura's new show. | ||
| That's a funny show. | ||
| Very funny, yeah. | ||
| Fucking funny show, man. | ||
| The Hitman one was hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I thought the video game where you play with aliens raping humans. | ||
| He said it wasn't about the guy, and part two was called Evan's Revenge. | ||
| Jamie, speaking of UFOs, did you see Lou Elizondo, these photos that are supposedly of a real alien? | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| Bro, it's so dumb. | ||
| The photos look blurry. | ||
| Of the photos of the dead alien. | ||
| Like, you can't even zoom in on that. | ||
| You can't even fucking focus. | ||
| Look at these. | ||
| Yeah, that thing. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| How about better pictures? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| These are the only pictures. | ||
| Is this from the 40s? | ||
| Like, what's this picture from? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Oh, people want to believe. | ||
| Bro, so bad. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I'm like, maybe. | ||
| Maybe the bottom ones. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| Somebody asked me, you know, Sean Donnelly and Dan St. Germain have a podcast now about Oh really? | ||
| And they both really believe it and they were like, what would it take for you to believe, Jay? | ||
| Irrefutable evidence? | ||
| I have to shake hands with an alien. | ||
| The one thing I've never seen? | ||
| Irrefutable evidence? | ||
| There's a lot of shenanigans going on for sure. | ||
| On the back of one of those photos. | ||
| Oh, it's 1993. | ||
| Alien hybrid child born to a 15-year-old girl, subject of ET genetic experiment, under chin, neck, and upper torso view. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so that's under chin. | ||
| And then what's the other photo? | ||
| It's the same. | ||
| It's just the same. | ||
| It's just one photo. | ||
| Wasn't there another one? | ||
| It seems like there's two photos. | ||
| That's just with this particular one. | ||
| But at the top, yeah, the one on the bottom. | ||
| What's that one on the bottom? | ||
| That one on the bottom seems a little, like, turned to the side, right? | ||
| Is that the eyeball, supposedly? | ||
| What are those babies called that are born like that? | ||
| Oh, Harlequin babies? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It could be anything, man. | ||
| I mean, it might not even be human. | ||
| I mean, it might not even be, you know, who fucking knows? | ||
| Do you think, I mean, like, someone like Donald Trump can hold in the information? | ||
| I don't think they tell him. | ||
| I don't think he can. | ||
| He's playing golf. | ||
| But who can sit on that information if you know that? | ||
| Wouldn't it be terrifying to, you know, almost that, to play? | ||
| Someone who knows about aliens existing, you think also breaks off and plays golf and decides what they want to have for dinner tonight? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like finding out vampires exist. | ||
| It would change everything. | ||
| I think it's a fun way to have information that you don't give to the rest of the world and if you're the head of a It'd be probably pretty cool to know some shit that other people don't know and not tell anybody and still go to brunch. | ||
| But how are you not so consumed that you go, Hey, you want to start a new Netflix series tonight? | ||
| Like, it just seems like you'd be... | ||
| It's the same way I don't believe people have, like, speaking of the dead powers or psychic powers. | ||
| I'm like, you'd be... | ||
| It's never like, "Oh, what is that? | ||
| Tell your loved one that you miss them terribly? | ||
| They miss you terribly." I'm actually, you guys went to McDonald's? | ||
| I'll treat myself to something. | ||
| Like, how does your mind go anywhere else but, like, I speak to the dead? | ||
| That would be consuming. | ||
| I would never sleep. | ||
| It's supernatural. | ||
| All day talking to somebody about the war of 1776. | ||
| You'd just go nuts. | ||
| It's just not what they're doing. | ||
| There was a video on You'd just tune in to any time and talk to some Civil War soldiers. | ||
| You don't go pick out a new pair of sneakers while that's going on. | ||
| I didn't use sneakers, I think. | ||
| Did you see that video where it was like somebody... | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And it's like these like floating, Monsters, sort of. | ||
| Yeah, but they're, like, translucent. | ||
| And it's, like, just all these voices whispering. | ||
| It's like, if that's how it really is to have schizophrenia, I mean, I couldn't make it a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it varies, like, a lot of different neurological conditions, right? | ||
| I think, you know, there's extreme versions of it. | ||
| And some people have, like, mild schizophrenia, which is really weird. | ||
| Well, I've been impressed. | ||
| I have someone close to me in my life that's had mania, where they go, like, manic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And I've only seen it twice. | ||
| It's Hulk Hogan. | ||
| It's Hulk Hogan. | ||
| I've only seen it twice, but I mean, I'm blown away by how much your brain can change functionality in a day, in a day's difference, being like, everything's changing. | ||
| You know, they're saying things that they've never said before, and believing it, and being like, you know what I mean? | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| Well, if you think about your body. | ||
| Yeah, it is scary. | ||
| But if you think about your body as a whole, things go wrong in your body. | ||
| Well, things go wrong in your brain, too. | ||
| It's like, you know, you can't blame someone for having liver cancer, right? | ||
| Sometimes people just get weird diseases, you know? | ||
| And the mental thing is a weird one, man. | ||
| Because there's people that it's just like something isn't clicking. | ||
| It's just not working right, you know? | ||
| And they don't know what to do. | ||
| And they're out there in the world, and they're trying a bunch of different medications on them, and they don't know what to do. | ||
| So you can't be mad at Kurt Metzger. | ||
| It's not his fault. | ||
| I couldn't imagine. | ||
| This is what I always try to imagine. | ||
| Like, what is it like? | ||
| What's it like to be Metzger? | ||
| What's it like to be filled with conspiracies? | ||
| Just know so much about, like, secret societies. | ||
| And nobody believes you. | ||
| Yeah, and nobody believes you. | ||
| And everyone's kind of like, hey, man, we're just trying to smoke a joint in the green room. | ||
| Bro, he hovers. | ||
| He hovers over you like a gargoyle. | ||
| He's a goon. | ||
| He's this giant dude, and he hovers over you. | ||
| Oh, you didn't know? | ||
| I haven't seen him. | ||
| Oh, you didn't know? | ||
| Last time I was out in L.A. when he's still living. | ||
| He lived in LA. | ||
| He came over to the Airbnb. | ||
| I haven't seen Kurt always in months and months between when I get to see him. | ||
| He's one of my oldest, closest friends in comedy. | ||
| He's my daughter's godfather. | ||
| Very close to him. | ||
| Which is a crazy choice. | ||
| That's on Jay. | ||
| It was a strange choice, but he's a good godfather. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Him and my daughter have a great relationship. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| But he is a whacker, for sure. | ||
| And he came in to the house. | ||
| I was like, My man, it's good to see you. | ||
| And he goes, you know the P. Diddy thing is real, and that's why Usher, that audio of him fucking that guy was real, and he got Usher first, and that's why Usher, remember when Usher was gone for a year because he had to get his asshole sewn back together? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He just rattles them off, too, and then he'll go to Libya. | ||
| All of a sudden, you're talking about Libya. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gaddafi! | |
| Remember the thing with Gaddafi? | ||
| He has this, every sentence is a new text. | ||
| You're just getting, like, it just seems manic. | ||
| Full on. | ||
| This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. | ||
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| That's betterhelp.com /jre. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's undone. | ||
| And then after like an hour, you get back to be like, "Cool." He does it to everybody. | ||
| When he came over, so we had a pool at the Airbnb we were at, and at one point I realized, they go, oh, no, he's had Bobby Kelly in the corner for a while. | ||
| And then Bobby Kelly, Kirk goes inside, and Bobby swims over, and he goes, He goes, I guess Kurt told me those Jew lasers actually are pretty real. | ||
| What's going on with them? | ||
| He just corners you. | ||
| He just corners you. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I can listen to him all day long. | ||
| He's the best podcast guest. | ||
| He's the best podcast guest. | ||
| You just have to reign him in. | ||
| Tell it to Owen Benjamin. | ||
| That was a fun one. | ||
| Take him in this direction. | ||
| Go in this direction. | ||
| It just never stops coming out of his mouth. | ||
| He's a joke writing. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| I say his day-to-day personality is genuinely I always describe Kurt. | ||
| He's the first person I see that price of genius Where it's like he's so great at being funny and his mind works such a thing, but his brain when you're not talking to him Maybe even when you're talking to him is just like It's like a division sign. | ||
| It's just formulas. | ||
| Just formulas. | ||
| Like that meme. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's how I feel like when I'm talking to Elon. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| You can tell there's numbers running in his background and shit going on. | ||
| And he's trying to figure something out while you're talking. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he's clearly on the spectrum. | ||
| You know, I mean, that's... | ||
| Where's your time coming from? | ||
| And you're playing Diablo? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I couldn't imagine being that rich and ever opening Twitter. | ||
| I'm just definitely above tweeting. | ||
| I think really rich guys, one thing that happens if you're really rich and people are stopping you from communicating and you get pissed off and you think, well, fuck it, I can just buy Twitter. | ||
| Nobody would do that normally. | ||
| You need a wild person like Elon to do that. | ||
| That's a wild move. | ||
| I'll just buy Twitter and then pay them way more than it's worth. | ||
| And then everybody says you're a terrible businessman because your company lost $20 billion in value in the first year. | ||
| But it's like, no, it wasn't worth $44 billion. | ||
| He paid $44 billion for it because he wanted it. | ||
| It wasn't worth that. | ||
| How was it worth that? | ||
| And then we found out a ton of shit, man, that we wouldn't have found out about censorship. | ||
| What's directing it? | ||
| What's keeping us at each other's throats? | ||
| You're saying almost just in the basic level of someone his age doing the same action that a girl flopping on her bed on her tummy and kicking her knees up. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Trump's stupid. | ||
| He's on the list. | ||
| You made it. | ||
| You don't need to prove anything else. | ||
| You made it. | ||
| Let him find out in the newspapers. | ||
| It's not a good look. | ||
| I mean, if I had... | ||
| If I just simply... | ||
| I mean, if I double my net worth, Much less Elon money. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| I think you're aware, when you have a lot of money, of how many different entities are manipulating society. | ||
| I think that becomes an issue. | ||
| And if you can do something about it, and you feel compelled to do something about it, you're literally one of the only people that can. | ||
| Do you think that he did do something about it? | ||
| He definitely did when he bought Twitter. | ||
| Twitter changed. | ||
| He definitely did with Doge, just exposing some of the wild shit. | ||
| Like, billions of dollars that's gone to who knows where with no receipts. | ||
| But did they even do anything about it, really? | ||
| Or did he just expose it and people talk about it for a week? | ||
| anything about the money that's gone. | ||
| I mean, unless... | ||
| They're not going to do that because they want to make sure that that doesn't happen to them. | ||
| And they're just going to keep spending insane amounts of money. | ||
| I feel like they're still spending. | ||
| They were like, hey, this is happening, but it's still going to continue to happen for the rest of your lives. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| If it's been funding the Democrat machine for this whole time, which is what guys like Mike Benz allege, it's a little over my head to really explain, but essentially we're saying that the... | ||
| You want to know how many NGOs there are? | ||
| There is one NGO in India for every 600 people. | ||
| I don't know what an NGO is. | ||
| Idiot. | ||
| What a fucking idiot, dude. | ||
| Just so you know. | ||
| Non-government organization. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Tell it to him. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Non-governmental organization. | ||
| It's just a non-profit. | ||
| So it's a non-profit that's funded by the government. | ||
| It's real weird stuff, man, when you find out about it. | ||
| Just a future reference if you can make all your acronyms just to say the whole word out so Lewis gets it. | ||
| Stupid idiot. | ||
| I should assume that no one knows about that. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You do, but I should assume, because I didn't know about it until I started talking to Mike Benz about it. | ||
| I was like, wait, what? | ||
| Like, how much money? | ||
| And when you find out where the money was going and what it was doing, it's like, he said it's all for stuff that's too dirty for the CIA. | ||
| I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And he lays it out in, like, hours-long presentation and explains how it's all, what's the root of it all, and it's like, it's really spooky stuff, because you realize, like, how corrupt our society actually truly is. | ||
| Do you enjoy having the burden of information? | ||
| No, I fucking hate it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Like, where does your... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where does your... | |
| That's all it is. | ||
| I'm not politically aligned with either the left or the right. | ||
| I believe in a lot of shit that the left believes in. | ||
| And I believe in a lot of shit that the right believes in. | ||
| I just don't believe in any of the shit that the extremists on either side believe in. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is. | ||
| Yeah, when you're fucking, Like, what are we doing? | ||
| Like, you want everybody out? | ||
| I feel like once you get in, let's take a test. | ||
| You know, like, are you the type of guy that shows up at work? | ||
| Are you the type of guy that respects America? | ||
| Do you like being here? | ||
| Is it too easy to get in, though? | ||
| You had a great analogy about the movie theater. | ||
| My movie theater analogy is killer. | ||
| It's a great analogy. | ||
| I said I've snuck into a movie before, sit in an empty seat that no one's taken. | ||
| It's not even taking up any kind of space. | ||
| If they come in and go, hey, where's your ticket? | ||
| I go, I don't have one. | ||
| They go, you have to go. | ||
| You gotta go, man. | ||
| You can't be like, ah, dude, I've already watched an hour of it. | ||
| So what? | ||
| And I feel like you should let them finish the movie. | ||
| I'm just saying my point. | ||
| I'm not even saying you shouldn't let... | ||
| I'm saying it's discretion to let them finish the movie or not. | ||
| I'm just making the point to be like... | ||
| This movie theater was built on my people's land. | ||
| To me, it's just like a weird reaction to getting caught being like, well, but I've already been here. | ||
| It's like, I've gotten away with it for so long. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of funny. | ||
| If you steal someone's stuff, and they find it 20 years later, you go, "Well, it's been mine for 20 years!" But also, I totally agree with you. | ||
| And it's a funny joke. | ||
| But also, if you're living in Mexico, and you're a young person, and you figure out a way to sneak across the border, you get gainfully employed in the United States, you start doing well, you're involved in a business, you start raising a family, but there's no real path to citizenship, because you snuck in. | ||
| But you've actually become integrated in society, and you're part of the American dream. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| It's just there's no path if you're dirt poor. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| See, if you're living in Denmark and you're white and you got a You've got to jump through hoops, though. | ||
| You've got to meet with the guy every six months or whatever it is. | ||
| You've got to fill out the paperwork. | ||
| But if you're walking here from Mexico, you know, there's no clear path to citizenship. | ||
| You've got to marry a fat white woman. | ||
| That's the path. | ||
| Find a desperado. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's no clear path. | ||
| And especially if you're integrated into, like... | ||
| He was Danish. | ||
| He was Dutch. | ||
| He came from Mexico. | ||
| He walked across from Mexico. | ||
| He lived in these communities like he took me to the they had chicken fights in their communities And this dude had just roosters stacked up everywhere like there was like a hundred roosters in this guy's backyard Not my landscaper, but his friend. | ||
| He took me to his friends place They would barbecue a goat and cook root and there wasn't a English-speaking sign for blocks And I was like fucking paid him more so That was not my point. | ||
| My point is like completely integrated societies that are a part of LA that are fully Mexican you know and but it functions it works like going in and raiding those people and putting them in jail because They've integrated into society in an illegal way. | ||
| It seems stupid. | ||
| And then it's all the people that are going, it's like, is my tax dollars? | ||
| Like, guys, the amount of bullshit that our tax dollars goes to, that should be a priority over getting a fucking Mexican dad out of the country. | ||
| Well, here's the problem. | ||
| The problem is, if they're illegal, right? | ||
| Which is what everybody wants to keep it that way. | ||
| whatever you let them vote and this if they're illegal And this is where it's dark. | ||
| This is the dark secret of why people want cheap labor in this country. | ||
| Because there's a lot of people that don't pay people what they're supposed to be getting paid. | ||
| It's non-union. | ||
| They're illegal. | ||
| Everyone knows. | ||
| And they want cheap labor. | ||
| cheap, dependable, reliable labor. | ||
| Tim Dillon was talking to me about this a long time ago because, you know, he used to be a real estate guy. | ||
| Like, he understands, like, the dynamics of it all. | ||
| Like, that is a big part of what they want, why they're bringing people in. | ||
| But the reality is, yeah, you should just pay people more money. | ||
| You should make less money. | ||
| You should pay them more money. | ||
| You should pay them enough money so they can live. | ||
| Like, just to try to have a giant business that pays people the least amount possible is kind of crazy. | ||
| That's most businesses. | ||
| I know, but that's kind of crazy. | ||
| It's kind of a crazy thing to do. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| My ex-wife, both her parents are immigrants, and you'd be surprised how not sad they feel for people being kicked out. | ||
| I think they have a very like if... | ||
| Like we had to figure out how to do it legally. | ||
| Yeah, I ought to take the shot. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, why don't you take the shot? | ||
| I ought to take the shot. | ||
| Shit, I didn't have to. | ||
| I sought it out so hard. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, Jay was paranoid. | ||
| Oh, you were so scared? | ||
| You were certain I was dying. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people got scared. | ||
| Yeah, I took it. | ||
| They scared the fuck out of us. | ||
| I took it and I faked the second one, the booster. | ||
| Because I realized that there's no way to... | ||
| It's a card. | ||
| with like some random name on it. | ||
| It was like, I was like, there's no way they're actually My daughter made one on her phone to go into a cheesecake factory. | ||
| It's pretty impressive. | ||
| They're going to absolve you of that crime. | ||
| It'll be in the future. | ||
| It'll be like when all the people that dodged the draft, they exonerated it. | ||
| Oh, wait, did I just admit to a crime on this podcast? | ||
| I didn't do that. | ||
| They were saying they were going to prosecute people. | ||
| I remember saying that there was people that were saying, if you try to use a fake vaccination card, we're going to prosecute you. | ||
| Like... | ||
| That doesn't actually happen. | ||
| Yeah, but that's way crazier than that, because that's like, this whole thing is nuts. | ||
| Like, you're telling people they have to do this to get on an airplane, and it doesn't even work. | ||
| Have you ever had the Thailand's wraps at Cheesecake Factory? | ||
| They're great. | ||
| I'll risk it. | ||
| Do they come to you for, have you ever done jury duty? | ||
| I haven't done it, no. | ||
| Like, that's, if Joe Rogan showed up to do jury duty, it'd be wild. | ||
| Are you familiar with this case? | ||
| I'm familiar with everything. | ||
| I'm a little familiar with everything. | ||
| Mildly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I interviewed the defendant and the plaintiff. | ||
| I've never done jury duty either. | ||
| I haven't gotten a notification in years and years and years, but I would just ignore them back in the day. | ||
| I just ducked one recently. | ||
| Pretty hard. | ||
| You died. | ||
| I just flat out moved. | ||
| Tim Dillon was just talking about it on the Spicy Wings show. | ||
| Hot Ones. | ||
| Hot Ones. | ||
| Tim was talking about how he did for a murder trial. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, the guy was a fucking murderer. | ||
| He did it recently? | ||
| Yeah, he was talking about it recently. | ||
| It was a long time ago, but he did jury duty, and he was like joking around with the defendant. | ||
| See, if I was guaranteed that, I'd go show up. | ||
| It's just what you're gonna get is like a tax something or a business argument or some kind of shit, and that's boring as hell. | ||
| Now you have to pretend to be racist to get out of it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You've got schizophrenia. | ||
| I hate... | ||
| Watkins? | ||
| I hate black people. | ||
| It's Jeremiah Watkins. | ||
| I'm a little too opinionated. | ||
| I mean, that's what I'd say. | ||
| The only time ever I showed up, I was wearing jean shorts, and they said you can't wear shorts to... | ||
| They go, you'll go back into the pool and just go home. | ||
| They sent me home. | ||
| They sent him into a pool because he was wearing shorts. | ||
| Nice shorts, idiot. | ||
| Get in the pool. | ||
| You can't offend people with your wardrobe at this place of the law. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| When did they stop wearing the wigs and the fucking crazy, crazy like... | ||
| Did they stop wearing those? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| They don't wear the wigs anymore, right? | ||
| When we first came from... | ||
| Oh, like Pilgrim Court? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| What the fuck is stupid is that everybody had wigs They still have it in England. | ||
| To this day. | ||
| The judges still wear it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And Jewish women. | ||
| Religious Jewish women. | ||
| You know where it came from? | ||
| And any black woman. | ||
| Came from syphilis. | ||
| The wigs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How so? | ||
| So the story's a little complicated. | ||
| This may or may not have been exactly how it happened, but it seems like when explorers came to North America, they contracted syphilis from the natives and then brought it back to Europe. | ||
| And then a lot of people were getting syphilis. | ||
| These people were freaks. | ||
| They're all fucking each other. | ||
| And they were losing their hair and getting big holes in their face and shit. | ||
| Like, syphilis is crazy. | ||
| It, like, rots your head away. | ||
| And so they started wearing wigs because they had, like, big scabby holes in their head. | ||
| Like, literally. | ||
| Horrific shit and the more wealthy you were the bigger the wig. | ||
| So that was like big wigs. | ||
| That's what the term big wigs come from. | ||
| It comes from these freaks that all had syphilis that were all banging each other. | ||
| And if you have money, you're fucking just getting pussy left and right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there was these two guys that were royals and they started it all. | ||
| They started wearing the wigs when they got syphilis. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Nuts. | ||
| So I guess it all dials back. | ||
| Still, it's not the white man's fault. | ||
| He's dirty-ass Indians. | ||
| He's dirty Indian sluts. | ||
| It has to be why they wear wigs in court. | ||
| It has to be, right? | ||
| Like, it has to be, like, a proper thing, like wearing a tie or something. | ||
| Like, a gentleman wears a wig. | ||
| I should start wearing a wig. | ||
| How fun would that be? | ||
| A powdered wig. | ||
| I thought about getting a toupee recently just to be funny and just show up with like a really high quality toupee. | ||
| Jamar does that. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| He wears a mohawk. | ||
| Clues into his head. | ||
| You should get a hair system, not a toupee. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| I'm not going to another country to get my fucking ass hair as a plant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Not an implant. | ||
| It's just a system. | ||
| like more permanent toupee. | ||
| It really looks Dude, I saw a video today where this doctor was talking, and a doctor that I know And then a couple months later, like, my stomach's bothering me. | ||
| And the doctor's like, oh, let's check out what's going on with your stomach. | ||
| How long have you only had one kidney? | ||
| And she's like, I have two kidneys. | ||
| He goes, no, you have one kidney. | ||
| And then contacts the other two girls that were on the trip. | ||
| They all come in and get examined. | ||
| They're all missing a kidney as well. | ||
| So they went down to Turkey to get a bypass, a gastric bypass, and they stole their fucking kidneys. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Yo. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| Brilliant, Mo. | ||
| Out there stealing body parts. | ||
| You only have one kidney. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I mean, that's better. | ||
| Did they also get the gastric bypass, though? | ||
| They did. | ||
| But I think they paid for it. | ||
| What if it cost a kidney to get gastric bypass? | ||
| There's fat people that would do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What if they didn't read the fine print? | ||
| Yeah, and it just cost you this? | ||
| Here's why it's so cheap. | ||
| We need a kidney. | ||
| It's free if you have A, B blood. | ||
| How much is a kidney on the black market worth? | ||
| That's a good question, Jamie. | ||
| Don't Google that. | ||
| No, Jamie, off the dome. | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| Where is your circle? | ||
| How big is your circle of give a kidney if they need? | ||
| Oh, it's very small. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, you're gonna have to figure that out. | ||
| I'm not giving up kidneys for people. | ||
| Where? | ||
| What happens if you have one kidney? | ||
| Not good. | ||
| What I mean like not as good. | ||
| It's- that's why you have to I mean what hello science catch up You can look like stealing people's kidneys you live with one kidney But how much does it affect you like data like you exercise still can you I don't know what would it do to you very good question I think you live life relatively normal. | ||
| Yeah, we'll do it for loved ones It's interesting that people get kicked in the kidneys all the time But you don't really hear about too many like severe kidney injuries You know, like you hear about liver injuries, like you hear about internal bleeding from guys from body shots. | ||
| Don't hear too much about kidney injuries. | ||
| Dude, getting punched in the fucking liver, it's the most painful thing on the planet, dude. | ||
| It's a weird feeling. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It just shuts your body down. | ||
| You roll around on the floor and start crying. | ||
| I think Mickey Gall told me. | ||
| Mickey Gall kicked me in my kidney. | ||
| So I sparred with Mickey Gall once and I sparred with Michael Bisping once and both of them put me down with liver shots. | ||
| No, I'm sorry, liver shots, not kidney. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, liver. | |
| Liver shots, but they called it. | ||
| This is how good fighters are. | ||
| Bisping's like, hey, watch this, bang, I mean literally the whole gym of people cackling, laughing at me as I roll around on the floor as a man. | ||
| It's fucking pathetic. | ||
| Have you seen Ilya Teporia do that to people? | ||
| He does it to fans. | ||
| He hits him with a liver shot. | ||
| They ask him. | ||
| So he's liver shotting bare knuckle. | ||
| Ilya Teporia, bare knuckle liver shotting people. | ||
| I'd rather be punched in the face 10 out of 10 times. | ||
| But Mickey said when he lost to Diego Sanchez, it was because his kidneys started shutting off. | ||
| That's why he bit him. | ||
| I bet that is a weight loss thing. | ||
| He said that's what he said. | ||
| It's from weight loss. | ||
| Yeah, that's a brutal thing that they do, man. | ||
| Like Kayla Harrison, who just won the Bantamweight title. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Oh, that picture of her. | ||
| She is so big. | ||
| She's so jacked and that her getting down to 135, I don't know how much weight she's losing. | ||
| I don't really want to ask, but I do. | ||
| You know, we're not supposed to ask ladies what they weigh. | ||
| She was competing in the Olympics. | ||
| Yeah, and when she was over at the PFL, she was fighting at 155. | ||
| Her picture of her at the actual weigh-in was like scary. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. | ||
| It was like a thumbnail from like crack whore confessions. | ||
| See, this is the problem. | ||
| The UFC had a 145 pound division and Amanda Nunes was the champion of it. | ||
| Like, for the health of both fighters, like, that would be a good way. | ||
| I mean, it really depends on if Kayla Harrison can continue to make 135 and defend the title, because I don't know who's going to beat her. | ||
| She's too fucking strong. | ||
| She's so strong. | ||
| That happens a lot with, like, the chicks. | ||
| There's, like, a real dominant chick for a while. | ||
| With Amanda, it was KO power. | ||
| Amanda was one of the rare women that she could just touch you and just blast you out of orbit. | ||
| You know, it's usually with women, it's, like, combination punches. | ||
| Amanda had extraordinary power. | ||
| Like when she knocked out Cyborg, That was fun. | ||
| She just folded Cyborg. | ||
| I'm like, that lady can crack. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Silva? | ||
| This last weekend, there was a knockout. | ||
| The guy was asleep standing, and it was the most softest-looking turnover. | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| Turnover like chin puncher. | ||
| The Korean dude. | ||
| Yeah, young. | ||
| It's like 23 years old. | ||
| It was like he- Joe Sang Yu. | ||
| He moved? | ||
| And just like, it was the smallest little, like, he didn't pull it from the shoulder or nothing. | ||
| One of the best left hooks of all time. | ||
| The guy was asleep before he hit the ground. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| One of the best left hooks of all time. | ||
| It was literally like this. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Like, he just turned it over. | ||
| And he's a kid, right? | ||
| Yeah, he's young. | ||
| No, he's not that young. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Look at that. | ||
| I think he's 28. That's a lot of his momentum coming in, too. | ||
| It's like the perfect place timing. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But he's also a really good boxer. | ||
| You get knocked out and then some dudes doing backflips in the ring. | ||
| That's the worst feeling in the world. | ||
| By the way, I'm not a good enough sport for if I was knocked out and they come over and start doing that thing where they're touching my face a lot and be like, thank you for the opportunity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck away from me, dickhead. | |
| A lot of people do. | ||
| You fucking jerk off. | ||
| I don't want to talk to you. | ||
| He goes, hey, will you pray with me? | ||
| No! | ||
| Will you pray with me? | ||
| To who? | ||
|
unidentified
|
God that hates my guts That's so funny. | |
| I'm praying to God this whole training camp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God just gave me a concussion. | |
| Thanks, God. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I guess God thought I was training wrong. | ||
| This lady's got a problem. | ||
| Because if she, you know, other than the Amanda Nunes fight, who? | ||
| Well, who's gonna pay to watch her just steamroll somebody? | ||
| If she can continue to make 135, if she becomes a marathon runner or something, and drops even more muscle mass and can make 135, who the fuck is gonna be able to deal with that? | ||
| It was like Mike Tyson back in the day. | ||
| It became a thing where they started offering you money back on the pay-per-views if he didn't last at least two rounds. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Yeah, that was the whole thing. | ||
| It was like, because he was knocking people out so fast. | ||
| This is fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, everybody would look at a pay-per-view based on how long you thought the fight would last. | ||
| Like, $60, man! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't that much back then. | ||
| But I remember people being bummed out. | ||
| It was like a 30 second knockout. | ||
| But it was also fun to like, it was almost like Mike Tyson, his thing was, he was so very, That was kind of fun to watch somebody that dominant, you know, but also the crazy I think with the UFC people like they want to they want the back-and-forth thing They want to like you feel like you're getting your money's worth. | ||
| I remember if they're Tyson Holyfield the ear thing Mm-hmm. | ||
| I ordered that pay-per-view and I was driving around that night afterwards listen to the radio and people were like I I'm like, you just watched a guy bite another man's ear off. | ||
| You would pay $60 just for that. | ||
| Yeah, before the fight, if they were like, watch a man eat another man's ear. | ||
| Like, I'll pay anything you want. | ||
| Didn't he bite him twice? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He didn't get it off the first time, though. | ||
| was for that fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fact that Mike Tyson has... | |
| Wow. | ||
| His edibles that are ear-shaped is one of the funniest fucking things on Earth. | ||
| And the fact that they're friends now. | ||
| Evander and Mike is lovely. | ||
| Evander Holyfield has no idea what's going on. | ||
| He doesn't? | ||
| He'd be friends with anybody. | ||
| He is Gonski. | ||
| Evander Holyfield? | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He was on my podcast a few years back. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Back in LA. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| He was, like, super coherent back in LA. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I mean, that was a few years ago? | ||
| Seven years ago, maybe? | ||
| How long ago was Evander on the show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did he fight Vitor? | ||
| Is that who fought Vitor? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was unfortunate. | ||
| I don't think he had a real camp for that fight either. | ||
| I think that was a last-minute replacement because Vitor was supposed to fight somebody else, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very few athletes will ever, I think, at this point. | ||
| I know there's bigger contracts now than ever. | ||
| 2019, so six years ago. | ||
| But very few athletes will ever understand the idea of what those guys' lives were like. | ||
| Even, like, Riddick Bowe. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like, Riddick Bowe was champion for, like, two fights. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And he was awesome. | ||
| He was awesome, but he didn't have a long run or anything. | ||
| And then, right, you see his thing. | ||
| like 14 acres with white tigers everywhere and all his clothes are silk. | ||
| Like they're immediately... | ||
| They were just getting handed $50 million in one night. | ||
| I know it's like you trained for that night, but that's a crazy amount of money. | ||
| Like, no athletes get that. | ||
| Nothing like that. | ||
| There's a few. | ||
| Canelo does. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah, Canelo has a giant deal. | ||
| Oh, but I mean, maybe even boxing still has that with the pay-per-view taken. | ||
| Yeah, some of these boxers are making pretty fucking nuts. | ||
| Yeah, but that sport's the only sport. | ||
| I mean, UFC has never paid like that, has it? | ||
| I don't know what the most amount anyone's been paid in the UFC for a fight. | ||
| If I had to guess, it's got to be Conor. | ||
| Yeah, without a doubt. | ||
| Yeah, I know Conor has made more than $100 million in the UFC, I believe. | ||
| See if that's a fact. | ||
| Is that going all in with his endorsements? | ||
| I shouldn't say that because I don't really know. | ||
| I just read some article that tried to break down how much he made for each pay-per-view and how much he made at the beginning of his career when he first burst onto the scene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got two numbers in the first results. | ||
| That says 39.3 and then down here says 108. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so there's the pay-per-view bonuses versus fight pay. | ||
| What I was going to say is I thought he made $100 million from the Floyd fight. | ||
| So it can't be that. | ||
| $30 million from that. | ||
| So $30 million. | ||
| Oh, it says $30 million from the boxing match in Floyd. | ||
| I thought it was $100 million. | ||
| And his biggest payout was against Khabib for $28.5 almost. | ||
| Yeah, so $28 million. | ||
| He's probably made the most. | ||
| If I had a guess. | ||
| That was an all-pay-per-view bonus. | ||
| That was a huge pay-per-view. | ||
| Right, but he did get paid. | ||
| I mean, that's the only way they get paid anyway. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I mean, the pay-per-view bonus thing is great because it forces him to promote, but I don't mind a silent killer. | ||
| I don't mind an Alex Pereira. | ||
| I don't want to see him promoted. | ||
| He don't have to promote. | ||
| That dude promotes when he puts people into orbit. | ||
| You know, just let him train. | ||
| Let him shoot a fucking bow and arrow at a soccer ball. | ||
| Let him train. | ||
| Like, don't fucking... | ||
| Leave his energy alone. | ||
| You guys can do enough with promotion from his highlight reel. | ||
| But the guy like Connor, though, that fucking guy, if he can get on the radio, if he can get on a talk show, if he can start talking shit, Dana sees dollar bills like fucking Scrooge McDuck. | ||
| He starts throwing gold coins in the air. | ||
| Connor was the best at it. | ||
| What about a couple weeks ago, Aaron Blanchfield versus, what was the girl she was fighting? | ||
| Macy Barber. | ||
| They canceled it as it was starting. | ||
| They already did the package for the main event, and then they found out that Macy Barber had passed out. | ||
| She had a seizure backstage. | ||
| I don't want to speak out of turn, so it's some sort of medical condition, and she was in trouble. | ||
| And so they sent her to the hospital to get checked out. | ||
| I mean, they literally said, all right, now it's time for the main event. | ||
| And then they were like, well, never mind. | ||
| We're not doing it. | ||
| Yeah, I don't, again, I don't want to speak out of turn, but I think she might have had some health concerns. | ||
| She's had a bunch of health concerns over the last couple of years, I think. | ||
| And then she missed weight, which is never a good sign. | ||
| You know, when they miss weight, usually something's off. | ||
| A lot of times they're injured or sick or something. | ||
| But whatever it was, it sucks. | ||
| Yeah, that sucks. | ||
| For Erin Blanchfield. | ||
| She's actually from my hometown, Jersey. | ||
| She's a beast, dude. | ||
| Yeah, she's a monster. | ||
| Very good. | ||
| Very young, too. | ||
| What, are you going to sit him up and say something shitty about her? | ||
| And then be like, I know her, actually. | ||
| She's a dumb bitch. | ||
| Oh, I grew up with her. | ||
| What an ass. | ||
| I was with Dave Porterfield. | ||
| You know, he's a big fan of Meatball Molly McCann, who's great, too. | ||
| But he's like, I'm betting on Molly, and I go, yeah. | ||
| And he's like, you think? | ||
| I go, dude. | ||
| Erin Blanchfield is the truth. | ||
| She's a fucking problem. | ||
| She's a problem if she gets a hold of Molly and she just ragdolled her. | ||
| If you were going to Pete Rose your own sport, how do you think you would hit good? | ||
| Oh, I used to bet on it. | ||
| But I can't affect the outcome. | ||
| So I used in the early days of the UFC when they first started having lines in sportsbooks, I'd bet because I would see like you'd see shit like Anderson Silva is like if this isn't an 800 to one and Like, okay. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| That was different, okay? | ||
| Travis Luter lost that fight, in my opinion, because he cut too much weight. | ||
| You think he would have won the fight? | ||
| He had him mounted early in the fight. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Travis Luter's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was fucking elite. | ||
| All the guys that I know that trained with him go, dude, he's like Ricardo Laborio level. | ||
| He's special. | ||
| He did the ultimate fighter, and everybody was terrified. | ||
| They're like, that motherfucker gets you on the ground. | ||
| You're in trouble. | ||
| He's just a machine in Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| So, I saw him cut weight, and he looked so bad, his lips were cracked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| His face was sucked in, and he was shuffling to the scale. | ||
| And he still didn't make weight. | ||
| He never made weight. | ||
| Oh, is that what happened? | ||
| It wasn't a title fight. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He wouldn't have won the title if he won. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| they used to give the winner of the Ultimate Fighter a title shot like back in the day. | ||
| It was like a crazy like just sort of like It's just more of a legitimate sport now that you can't just give, like, the winner of a reality show a title fight. | ||
| America's Got Talent used to give a million-dollar prize, and then one day they just changed, like, you'd just be part of an America's Got Talent show in Vegas. | ||
| Did they always give you a title fight? | ||
| I think the first few seasons, yeah. | ||
| I think Travis had had a few fights in the UFC before that, dude. | ||
| That was long after The Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| I'm about 90% sure, because I know he knocked out Marvin Eastman. | ||
| I remember that fight. | ||
| And, you know, he fought quite a few dudes, but the main theme was, when Travis got a hold of you, you were fucked. | ||
| And he got a hold of Anderson, and Anderson looked fucked. | ||
| It was early in the fight, but then Anderson got him in a triangle. | ||
| He just tired out, and Anderson was blasting him from the back of the triangle. | ||
| When he first came in, it was crazy. | ||
| If you saw that guy the day before, you'd go, oh my god, how is this guy even alive? | ||
| He should be taken to a hospital. | ||
| He looked so bad. | ||
| I've seen a lot of people weigh in looking really bad, but Travis was the worst. | ||
| So look at this. | ||
| He's mounted on top of Anderson early in the fight, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I mean, I skipped ahead. | ||
| He was mounted for like two and a half minutes. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, but he just gassed out, man. | ||
| I mean, he just had nothing left. | ||
| He lost too much weight, man. | ||
| And so then Anderson got him in a triangle and started fucking him up with elbows. | ||
| So there came a point in time where you could see him visibly fading. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I think it... | ||
| Look how slick that is. | ||
| I mean, this dude is so slick. | ||
| Travis was so dangerous, man. | ||
| He could have possibly submitted him, but he was just too big for the weight class. | ||
| He shouldn't have been making that weight. | ||
| So that's my point. | ||
| It's like, yeah, he was a live dog in this fight is my point. | ||
| Yeah, he was tired. | ||
| That wasn't even really an escape that Anderson did. | ||
| He lost way too much weight. | ||
| Dude, he was dead the day before. | ||
| I mean, dead. | ||
| When I saw him dead, he looked like he might die. | ||
| Have you ever gotten to talk to a fighter about the psychology of, like, once you lose, like, when you're just, like, this dominant force and once you lose, like, your whole thing changes. | ||
| Like, Roy Jones Jr. was overnight. | ||
| Overnight. | ||
| Overnight. | ||
| That one guy called him out and said he was ducking him. | ||
| Antonio Tarver. | ||
| Tarver said he was ducking him. | ||
| Then Antonio Tarver beat him. | ||
| Then Glenn Johnson just beat him, knocked him through the ropes. | ||
| It was just like it became like, oh, you can just beat him. | ||
| But Glenn Johnson knocked him out where it was one of those scary ones where your arms are stiff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it didn't seem like he hit him that hard either. | ||
| It seemed like it couldn't be real that it was happening. | ||
| Two fights before that was the fight, I believe, where he's hitting the guy and he tells the ref, he's like, stop the fight, and then the ref didn't, and he hit him a few more times. | ||
| Yeah, and he passed the end zone. | ||
| That was like two fights before, it was just all over. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what happened? | ||
| Roy went up to heavyweight, and he fought John Ruiz, and then he dropped back down to light heavyweight, and that's a real problem. | ||
| He got knocked out. | ||
| He's stiff, dude. | ||
| Like when you get knocked down and you're just like stiff here, ugh. | ||
| Anderson Silva. | ||
| Oh, that's so awful. | ||
| Wasn't it pretty much Anderson Silva after the leg went in the fight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He won fights since, but he never really captured back like, we're just going to watch him. | ||
| We went, first UFC we ever went to was 101 in Philly. | ||
| Anderson Silva versus Forrest Griffin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Forrest Griffin. | |
| And a racist-ass Philly. | ||
| That night for us in general was just a hilarious thing. | ||
| We went with It was me, Dave, and Lewis, all three of us. | ||
| The first White Boy Weekend. | ||
| The first White Boy Weekend. | ||
| We went to like an Oz Fest or Mayhem Fest. | ||
| Mayhem Fest, yeah. | ||
| And then UFC. | ||
| Lewis and Dave brought their friend who I was not getting along with. | ||
| Crypto-S. | ||
| We'll say she's a chunkier girl. | ||
| Look, this is back in the day when I was younger. | ||
| It's like, if you become friends with a girl, you can't separate friendship. | ||
| No one's going to see her. | ||
| You don't have to over-explain that you fucked a girl that wasn't super hot. | ||
| No, she was really hot, I mean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's okay. | |
| Look, you know what? | ||
| I'm saying now I wouldn't have dated her. | ||
| But yeah, she was a little bit of a chunkier girl. | ||
| And whatever it was, we were just talking shit, watching the fights. | ||
| Everyone's just being animals. | ||
| We ended up getting to a thing with these guys in front of us. | ||
| It was maybe... | ||
| We might have outnumbered them. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| At first, it was just there was like one or two guys just there. | ||
| The other guys were gone. | ||
| It's like a coyote trap. | ||
| They show you one coyote and the rest of them surround you. | ||
| and we started talking shit with these guys. | ||
| It just turned into like a- I mean, we shouldn't make this... | ||
| We're not looking... | ||
| None of us are looking for trouble guys. | ||
| The guys were, I think we were talking and saying shit, like being funny, and I think they kind of were giving us like a... | ||
| We're being dickhead comedians and they're like really serious about watching an MMA fight right now. | ||
| First one ever in Philadelphia. | ||
| They turn around, they start talking shit. | ||
| So then we start talking shit to them. | ||
| We kind of chump the two guys and then their group of friends show up and they get wind that they just got chumped by these fucking loser comedians. | ||
| They left the nerds behind and they went and got merch. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| You make the nerds get merch. | ||
| We see what we're working with. | ||
| It became a whole argument. | ||
| These guys started talking shit to us. | ||
| And by the way, we were above them. | ||
| We could have fucked it. | ||
| We should have just dominated these guys. | ||
| But whatever had happened, we just didn't want to fight and get kicked out. | ||
| We're not like tough guys like that. | ||
| So they start talking shit. | ||
| And then this is like, it's such fight. | ||
| It's almost like when somebody spits on you. | ||
| One of the guys goes, it was like, yo, fuck you and fuck your fat bitch too. | ||
| About the girl that I was seeing. | ||
| And we all just acted like we didn't hear it. | ||
| Everyone acted like we didn't hear it. | ||
| We just communally agreed without even looking at each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We were like, these guys, huh? | |
| She sat there the rest of the night like, I can't believe these guys were ready to fight for everything except me. | ||
| When that was the final vote, he goes, oh, well, you should stick up for yourself, lady. | ||
| And then we just sat there. | ||
| She's a big girl. | ||
| She could have helped. | ||
| Then we went outside and pretended like we were waiting to find them in a sea of 18,000 people being moved. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, we suck. | |
| Oh, boy. | ||
| God, we did like jerk-offs there. | ||
| But then that was so funny because it was Philly, which historically, hilariously racist city. | ||
| Which fight was that? | ||
| It was Forrest Griffin, Anderson Silva. | ||
| Oh, that one was crazy. | ||
| Forrest Griffin, I mean, the applause, when he came out, the ovation he got, they couldn't wait. | ||
| They loved him. | ||
| It was Irish. | ||
| They literally booed Anderson Silva. | ||
| And then Anderson Silva handled that hilariously and quick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then Forrest Griffin left immediately. | ||
| He didn't stay. | ||
| He ran right out of the ring, which was a thing. | ||
| And then they announced the thing. | ||
| He goes, you're a winner. | ||
| And still, Anderson Silva. | ||
| And the place booed. | ||
| It was such a sweet moment, because Anderson Silva seems like his personality is good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems like. | ||
| And they were booing, and they had him on the big screen, and Anderson Silva goes like, he almost had to go, really? | ||
| And he's holding the belt, and they're like, yeah, all right, you son of a bitch, that was amazing. | ||
| And they cheered for him. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Strange. | ||
| We saw an 18-year-old or 19-year-old Jon Jones just walking around the arena that night, and I didn't know. | ||
| I got into UFC. | ||
| Way early. | ||
| Me and my step-pop used to get, like, you know, ninja versus sumo wrestler. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| UFC. | ||
| And then when it got, like, rules and everyone was kind of, like, trying to start doing, like, actual MMA. | ||
| I lost track of it, and Louis and Dave were super into it. | ||
| That's funny when the rules came, you checked out. | ||
| Checked out. | ||
| Me and Dave, we became friends. | ||
| We were roommates in Brooklyn. | ||
| We would go to the Blockbuster, rent the old UFCs. | ||
| It was like ultimate knockouts, ultimate submissions. | ||
| They had like a series of videos, and who was it, Mark Lehman, he would teach you how to do moves. | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| There was like a segment where it's like, hey kids at home, here's how you do a fucking parking bar. | ||
| So me and Dave literally living in the shittiest, dirtiest apartment with a Garbage everywhere and beer bottles everywhere. | ||
| We would have grappling matches with our buddy Wes. | ||
| My cauliflower ear didn't come from jiu-jitsu. | ||
| This is from Dave Smith. | ||
| He would literally open-hand smack. | ||
| We had open-hand smacking rules. | ||
| He would open-hand smack me in the ear. | ||
| Political pundit. | ||
| Maybe the best political pundit alive. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| I'm going to assassinate him. | ||
| Dave was a pothead wigger who was grappling amongst garbage with me. | ||
| That's how he started his career. | ||
| He was on my couch for a couple years. | ||
| Did you guys ever imagine he was going to be that good at political commentary? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I shouldn't say no. | ||
| I didn't know he was going to go to be that kind of big in it. | ||
| The fact that he is great at it doesn't surprise me at all. | ||
| His recall's nuts. | ||
| It's interesting how, like, because I said this was just a guy at a time I said we smoked pot. | ||
| We essentially raised my daughter to a gay couple during the day. | ||
| Then my ex-wife would come home. | ||
| And then we'd head into the city and meet up with Louis. | ||
| How many times did your ex-wife accuse you of doing gay shit with Dave? | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| Before, one of the reasons I was able to give while I was leaving when I left was I went in her thing to see if she was. | ||
| And I went through her computer and it was nothing about her cheating at all. | ||
| It was several times looking up what to do when you find out your husband is gay. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| Imagine being a woman married to a guy and thinking he's secretly sneaking away and sucking cock. | ||
| That's a video that just went viral recently. | ||
| The girl caught her boyfriend or husband. | ||
| It looked staged. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| You think it was staged? | ||
| I don't think so, dude. | ||
| I don't think she's that good of an actress. | ||
| I think a lot of these are staged. | ||
| They might be. | ||
| I think a lot of them are staged. | ||
| She was losing her mind. | ||
| She's like, you're fucking that guy? | ||
| You're fucking him, Chris? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Cheaters getting caught by their significant others, though. | ||
| As much as I've felt that pain, I love those videos. | ||
| That's a rabbit hole I'm going to. | ||
| Remember that show? | ||
| Cheaters. | ||
| All fake. | ||
| All fake. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| I've talked to so many people who've worked at Cheaters before and stuff, and recently, I wanted to be the host. | ||
| They brought Peter Gunz. | ||
| From Lord Tariq and Peter Gunn's Uptown Baby. | ||
| Remember that song? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He became the newest host. | ||
| Before him it was Clark Gable III. | ||
| It was like Clark Gable's grandson. | ||
| Seriously, it was like Clark Gable III or something. | ||
| He died from a drug overdose. | ||
| The original guy who hosted it was a guy named Tommy Habib. | ||
| He was pretty great at it. | ||
| Then the little guy got stabbed. | ||
| Fake. | ||
| Completely fake. | ||
| Do you remember Morton Downey Jr.? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| He was the best. | ||
| Mouth. | ||
| He was the best. | ||
| Yeah, he would just smoke on the show and just yell at people. | ||
| He's like, alright, so you're a Nazi. | ||
| Here's the Jewish Defamation League. | ||
| Let's bring him out to fight. | ||
| This is what's crazy. | ||
| There was a guy who used to work as a doorman at one of the comedy clubs, like a wannabe comedian. | ||
| Hey, we're looking for someone whose brother had an affair with his wife and He just found out he goes what a coincidence my brother just said like that would be the thing they go great Come on in and we're looking for a guy who came back from Vietnam very disillusioned, you know, whatever the fuck it is They would he would just say they would just say that to him and you go great And they knew it was bullshit and he would just show up and act it they would just give him a rush so You came back from Vietnam, and what did you discover there? | ||
| And he would just start talking. | ||
| When it's real, it goes bad. | ||
| They had the one thing where the guy, Jenny Jones, that ruined her fucking career completely. | ||
| The guy was in love with the guy. | ||
| They were like, hey, I'll do the show, but it's not going to be a guy, right, who's into me. | ||
| And they were like, no, no, no. | ||
| And then it was this, now he's friends with two people, a big fat girl and a gay guy. | ||
| And the big fat girl was sitting out there. | ||
| And he was like, oh, shit. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And they go, no, no, it's not her. | ||
| And they bring out the guy. | ||
| And he says, he goes, oh, you lied to me. | ||
| And his face is real, like, embarrassed. | ||
| And he killed the gay guy later. | ||
| And that ruined Jenny Jones' career completely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, Jenny Jones was a comic. | ||
| And she used to do, like, all girls night. | ||
| So at the club, like, you couldn't even be in the club. | ||
| So they would do like a show where it would be all-girl waitstaff, all-girl everything. | ||
| All-girl audience. | ||
| It's the least funny show ever. | ||
| The service is slow. | ||
| The math is wrong. | ||
| But the place was clean as shit. | ||
| No security. | ||
| Latina gang fights in every bathroom. | ||
| I think it was just a regular club. | ||
| It's just they just only got female staff to run everything. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| You sometimes see that. | ||
| It was like an all-female comedy festival. | ||
| Imagine if you tried to do an all-male comedy festival. | ||
| It'd be hilarious. | ||
| We have at Skank Fest. | ||
| It'd be a good festival. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| Did you ever see? | ||
| There's like, I forget. | ||
| There's some shift in some town where their brag is like, and this shift is all 100% female police officers. | ||
| Take over this fucking city, dude. | ||
| Go do that on a flight. | ||
| I wasn't on it, but I've seen it where it's like, just so you know, today, You're like, what? | ||
| Let me off this fucking flight right now. | ||
| Wasn't that the case in Toronto where the plane flipped upside down? | ||
| I think that was that. | ||
| That's the movie Flight with Denzel Washington. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They woke you up and they were like, hey, do you know how to read a map? | ||
| She came in hot. | ||
| She came in hot on the landing and flipped the plane. | ||
| Oh, yeah, when it landed upside down, I did. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that was one of them deals. | ||
| If I get a female Uber driver, I rebook my Uber. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They drive so slow and buy like the laws. | ||
| Why not just get a Waymo? | ||
| I've been in Waymo twice. | ||
| Yeah, dude, an Asian woman driver is the worst. | ||
| There's a lot of that in New York City sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And they are slow, and they do not change lanes, and it is brutal to sit there in the back and not yell. | ||
| I know, and then they're going exactly to the speed limits. | ||
| You can't complain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, please break the law. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Did you see that guy who was one of the producers of Top Gear in the UK? | ||
| He got his license revoked because he went 24 miles an hour in a 20 mile an hour zone. | ||
| They took his license away for six months. | ||
| How rough is England? | ||
| That town needs a Mexican uprising, it sounds like. | ||
| Sounds like they did an English uprising. | ||
| That is fucking bananas. | ||
| But it is 20, I was just driving from Manchester to London. | ||
| When you get into London, That is so crazy. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| How many kilometers per hour is that? | ||
| I don't know, but my driver had, it was in miles per hour, like his speedometer, and it was 20 miles an hour he was going, and it just feels like you're in slow motion. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Do they always use miles per hour? | ||
| I think they use kilometers, right? | ||
| No, I think they do, yeah. | ||
| Canada uses kilometers. | ||
| I thought they used kilometers, but this car specifically had miles per hour on the speedometer. | ||
| But you're on the wrong side of the road? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is that weird? | ||
| You're a bad driver on the right side of the road. | ||
| Well, I wasn't driving. | ||
| I did drive in Jamaica because that was an English-owned country. | ||
| Territory. | ||
| So they're on the opposite side as well. | ||
| And I rented mopeds when I was in Jamaica. | ||
| and you get used to it very quickly. | ||
| Like you think it's gonna really turn you around, but like, As soon as I drive into Canada right away, we've been in Canada signs. | ||
| I'm like, "Oh, no! | ||
| Oh, no!" "Here we go! | ||
| We gotta go Oost!" "Oost!" "Oost!" "Nord!" How many different countries use inches and miles an hour? | ||
| Doesn't everybody use kilometers now? | ||
| Doesn't everybody use the metric system? | ||
| I still think they're wrong. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They tried it on us when I was in high school. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they tried to introduce the metric systems if this is gonna be the thing that we all accept. | ||
| And everybody's like, "Meh!" Yeah. | ||
| Pantiquated. | ||
| Not in this country, bitch. | ||
| I don't follow the Dewey Decimal System either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Suck my dick, old people. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Fuck your kilograms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird thing that one country just says, nah, we can't learn it. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I mean, how many countries have it? | ||
| How many countries have inches? | ||
| I think it's maybe England? | ||
| It says the UK, USA, and Canada keep miles per hour. | ||
| Oh, so is that what England has miles per hour? | ||
| Oh, no, they have it like, it's double, but their main thing is definitely kilometers, for sure. | ||
| Everything else is kilometers? | ||
| So, it's like six countries that have miles per hour? | ||
| Or inches? | ||
| It's just weird that we didn't look. | ||
| I still don't know. | ||
| I feel like Dick is inches in every... | ||
| My dick is 36 decimeters. | ||
| 26,000 kilgometers. | ||
| Do you guys have a... | ||
| 9% of the world uses miles per hour. | ||
| The US being the notable example. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So it's all the UK. | ||
| I wasn't wrong. | ||
| When I was in England for the fights, they measure people in stone. | ||
| So they say, 10 stone! | ||
| I have no idea what that means. | ||
| I think it's 230 pounds. | ||
| Is it 13 pounds each stone? | ||
| It's a weird, old-timey fucking measure, but you have to say it. | ||
| Was it actually based off of stones? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| 14 pounds? | ||
| So that would be 240 pounds, 10 stone. | ||
| I think it was actually like a fucking justice scale with the person on one side and stones on the other. | ||
| I think it's what it comes from. | ||
| I do like England, though. | ||
| It's shitty food, but it's still just a cool... | ||
| You like being the only circumcised person in a room, you piece of shit. | ||
| So no, 10 stone's 140 pounds, right? | ||
| You said it's 14 pounds per? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 20 stone would be 240 pounds. | ||
| So then you'd have to say the five stone, nine ounces, then say the fucking pounds afterwards. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| We're talking about weird things to keep holding on to. | ||
| Stone. | ||
| That's a strange one. | ||
| Do you go and see the places? | ||
| Any of those weird destinations for UFC? | ||
| I definitely have, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, London's cool. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| You'd go into a bar that's a... | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| There's some old shit in that town. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You see how New York was designed after it so much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| London's a cool town. | ||
| Honestly, I like cities that remind me of New York. | ||
| I love Rome. | ||
| Rome's like the OG New York. | ||
| It's fucking really cool. | ||
| How so? | ||
| I don't think you're wrong. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| How's it like New York? | ||
| It's just, it feels like, because back in the day, it was like the most- Like the hub. | ||
| It's like very fast moving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were more advanced than everyone. | ||
| They were just like, you know, architecturally, technologically, they were way ahead of their time with everything. | ||
| That St. Peter's Basilica is bananas. | ||
| I think about that all the time. | ||
| I think about it all the time. | ||
| Like the amount of work. | ||
| Involved in making something that spectacular. | ||
| The Sistine Chapel is fucking nuts, dude. | ||
| Michelangelo went blind painting it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like he was on scaffolding and like paint was just dripping into his eye and sort of going mad and fucking... | ||
| It's so cool, and the details, And he wasn't even a painter, which is the craziest thing. | ||
| He was just a genius and could emulate that crazy-ass art. | ||
| He could do anything. | ||
| His sculptures were insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fucking art in the Vatican, too, is nuts. | ||
| When you're walking through the place, you're like, how much money is all this worth? | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| It's the biggest art museum in the world, and I'm going again. | ||
| I brought my son a few years ago on a father-son trip, and he was eight years old. | ||
| We did a four-hour tour. | ||
| We could have done an eight-hour tour. | ||
| It was so cool. | ||
| It was just never-ending. | ||
| Just every room was more awesome than the next. | ||
| They had the big map room. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| They had like a map. | ||
| It was like, you know, 150 feet wide, fucking however many feet tall. | ||
| And it was 99% accurate. | ||
| Whatever year it was that they made it, it was like, I don't know, like hundreds and hundreds of years ago. | ||
| 99% accurate, drawn by hand. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I can't even begin to tell you. | ||
| Like, I have no idea how that could possibly be done. | ||
| Lewis swore to me today he was gonna crowbar an art talk. | ||
| I did. | ||
| He said in the car, he goes, I bet I can get Joe to talk art. | ||
| How about their books? | ||
| I said, he's gonna think it's gay, and he was like, I bet he doesn't. | ||
| It's funny that art would be gay. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The books that they have, too, they have a crazy library. | ||
| They probably have some books from the Library of Alexandria. | ||
| They got tucked away in there. | ||
| Well, apparently, the deeper you go, the more exotic the shit is. | ||
| There's levels that you can only have access to if you're a king or a fucking... | ||
| That's why I believe people are capable. | ||
| Because there are people capable of hiding all kinds of shit. | ||
| What's hiding in England shit? | ||
| No one gives a fuck. | ||
| What are they hiding in there? | ||
| Salt? | ||
| Things for their food? | ||
| Tastes good? | ||
| The king's list. | ||
| This is when we had dragons. | ||
| Yeah, the history of dragons been stifled. | ||
| Jay doesn't travel. | ||
| He won't go to other countries. | ||
| I'm trying to get him to do shows like in the UK. | ||
| I mean, they have the internet. | ||
| Well, you gotta figure, New York to LA is a six-hour flight. | ||
| New York to Amsterdam is a seven-hour flight. | ||
| I've done everything I did overseas, I did probably, or most things, I should say, probably a little young in comedy and intimidated myself on the situations that I've gone back. | ||
| Well, it's not because you're poor, so you can't go to a nice restaurant. | ||
| Well, it's not even that. | ||
| When I was in South Africa, I was wealthy, dude. | ||
| Their money is garbage. | ||
| But no, I'm telling you, and I've enjoyed some of the places when I've gone to them. | ||
| It's just like, I am such a regular idiot that I'm just like, I'm not going to understand the food. | ||
| What am I going to plug my stuff into? | ||
| Doesn't it explode if it's wrong? | ||
| When the TV blows. | ||
| When you walk through the red light district, like the places where you can buy like snacks, like you know how many, dude, it's so funny, they have like, It's so for, like, dumb Americans to be like, oh, a hot dog on a pizza bun, and you fucking just eat this terrible shit. | ||
| Chocolate taco. | ||
| Chocolate tacos are great. | ||
| Choco taco. | ||
| Chocolate tacos are fucking badass. | ||
| I get it, Jay. | ||
| Why travel? | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| I, uh, yeah, I follow the Kid Rock credo. | ||
| I just try to get famous here. | ||
| Let's just handle it here. | ||
| This is the best place to be famous if you can get famous. | ||
| Yeah, who does it better than Kid Rock? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| The guy's really figured it out. | ||
| Also, by gunning down that Miller Lite guy, | ||
| Because his friendship with the president is hilarious. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| And wacky. | ||
| There's been no other thing like that ever. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You never find out like, oh, Bill Clinton and Iverson kick it once in a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| That never happened. | ||
| Well, there was, um, what the fuck's his name? | ||
| Oh, Bobby Brown and fucking Joe Biden fucking golf and crush ass together. | ||
| What the fuck's his name that's friends with Kim Jong-un? | ||
| Rodman. | ||
| Rodman. | ||
| Yeah, that's Rodman. | ||
| Rodman goes over there and hangs with Kim Jong-un. | ||
| It's the best documentary. | ||
| Did you ever see that documentary? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Treat yourself as soon as humanly possible to Dennis Rodman's Big Bang and Ponyang. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| It starts off as him going over there believing he's doing something diplomatic. | ||
| And then they go, all right, so you're going to go home and gather up some players and come here. | ||
| And the documentary filmmaker goes, on the flight back, when they were coming back now to North Korea, he goes, oh, I noticed from the last time that Dennis has started drinking again. | ||
| And he was supposed to be like, stop drinking completely. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| He first comes in drunkenly, starts bowing everybody. | ||
| It's not a bowing culture, so that's pretty hilarious. | ||
| He treats the North Koreans like they're dolls. | ||
| He'll grab them and make them come sing karaoke and just points at them while they sing. | ||
| He just dominates the room, and everyone's afraid of him, and everyone hates him. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| It's one of the best documentaries. | ||
| Is there a trailer for a trailer? | ||
| What a crazy thing to go hang out with a dictator. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, also, Kim Jong-un also does not want much to do with Dennis Rodman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Like, after his meltdown, he, like, stiffs him. | ||
| He, like, has Dennis Rodman meet him at his, like, chalet, and then he's not there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And then it's just Dennis Rodman crying. | ||
| Is this at the trail or no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're here today for Dennis Rodman to make a historic announcement following his recent visit to North Korea. | |
| I just realized how much influence stylistically you take from Dennis Rodman, Jay. | ||
| Almost the same guy, a lot of people say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mr. Rodman is on a private trip, and our views about North Korea have not changed. | |
| You know, you got the Jaycees, the Beyonce, stuff like that. | ||
| None of these people in the world are doing what I'm doing. | ||
| I am concerned, as many Americans are, about giving a birthday present to a man who is seen. | ||
| Do you remember that interview on ESPN? | ||
| No. | ||
| So they had him and the players that agreed to play go on there, and he loses his mind. | ||
| Dennis Rump. | ||
| In the documentary, they show you the whole build-up to that, which is the guy's meeting without Dennis Rodman. | ||
| They're like, Dennis is a little off his rocker right now, and America's turning on us. | ||
| We're going to do this interview with CNN while Dennis is asleep, hungover, and we'll just do it just us, and we'll be able to explain this better, that we're just trying to be diplomatic and do something here. | ||
| And then Dennis Rodman wakes up and finds out they're doing that. | ||
| And he just barges on, and he just cuts a wrestling promo, and he's just slobber-filled. | ||
| that makes no sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who just had his uncle executed. | |
| I'm gonna rassass what the hell you think. | ||
| I'm standing here. | ||
| Look at these guys. | ||
| Look at them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
so great so great Do you have to let the Koreans win? | |
| When you go over there? | ||
| Oh, it didn't matter. | ||
| The Koreans, the game was such nonsense. | ||
| Like, at first it was the Americans versus them. | ||
| The Koreans kept up with them because they're good and they're giving a shit and trying. | ||
| Dennis Robbins stops playing. | ||
| He just changes out of his thing and puts on street clothes and goes and hangs out with Kim Jong-il right away. | ||
| And then he goes, at halftime, he just goes, some people switch jerseys. | ||
| And then he goes, so we could play together. | ||
| And he just has them play. | ||
| He also has the audience try to sing a long happy birthday to Kim Jong-un when he starts the game, and the audience doesn't know what he's singing. | ||
| So they just start clapping too fast while he's singing. | ||
| It's two fantastic hours of television. | ||
| I recommend it highly. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I love that kind of just brazen, not seeing what's happening around you. | ||
| Everyone's hating him, and he's just like, I'm killing it. | ||
| I can't believe how good he's doing. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| So he doesn't go over there anymore? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, I don't think so. | ||
| I'm sure he still drinks, though. | ||
| You stopped drinking. | ||
| How was Protect Our Parks with no drinking? | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| And you're the only one not drinking there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then at some point, aren't you wrangling three people who are blackout drunk? | ||
| But it's okay. | ||
| I've been blackout drunk. | ||
| I know what it feels like. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| It's just for health purposes. | ||
| I was like, I work out so much and I take care of my body. | ||
| Like, why am I poisoning it all the time? | ||
| And I said, let me just take a break. | ||
| I just took a break and I was like, God, why do I need it? | ||
| I was like, what am I doing? | ||
| Everybody's like, do you want a drink? | ||
| Yeah, let's have a drink. | ||
| But sometimes you're just like, it's just like a force of habit. | ||
| You know, have a drink every time I do a set. | ||
| Have a whiskey, have a shot before I go on stage. | ||
| You feel like you're doing something. | ||
| You feel bored when everyone else is drinking. | ||
| But it's really no, like, I have way more energy. | ||
| When I'm not drinking, I could stay up and be present. | ||
| I want to be in bed by 11 o 'clock if I'm drinking or smoking weed. | ||
| Dude, I've had three months off and I haven't had one bad day. | ||
| So I haven't had one day physically where I feel like shit. | ||
| That has to be it. | ||
| Well, the other side is your metabolism. | ||
| When I stopped drinking, I got really just an incredible shape. | ||
| And as you're getting older, even just whatever it does to my metabolism, and everybody's different, but it was a huge difference in terms of how I felt in the gym, how much I could run, how much I could lift. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun poison. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's fun to get a little lit. | ||
| My doctor said those exact words. | ||
| He was like, you're poisoning yourself. | ||
| He was like, it's up to you. | ||
| If you want to poison yourself a little bit, that's fine. | ||
| Or a lot. | ||
| That's okay, too. | ||
| That guy sounds fun. | ||
| Yeah, they were trying to say for a while that one drink a night. | ||
| Remember they were trying to say for a while that one drink a night is probably good for you? | ||
| Oh, like a glass of red wine? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good for your heart? | ||
| Do you know what the problem with that is aura rings. | ||
| If you have an aura ring, you wear one of those things, and then you have one drink, you'll notice a difference in your sleep. | ||
| Significant. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's measurable. | ||
| Oh, I try not to track anything that's going to be bad news. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're like, hey, you should get a sleep study. | ||
| He goes, why did no for a fact that I die 27 times a night? | ||
| Yeah, isn't there like things you could do where you see a doctor and they're going to like be able to essentially predict within a couple years of when you're actually going to die? | ||
| That's the Joe Rogan doctors. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I want to know, Joe, who's he sent Bert to where they come and they put him in that machine like Luke Skywalker on Hoth and they come out and they're like, if you never eat beans again, you'll live to 105. | ||
| Bert is going to need more than that. | ||
| Every time I see him, he looks more like a grape. | ||
| Like, settle down, boy. | ||
| He's capable of doing it on his own, though. | ||
| Bert has incredible willpower. | ||
| Like, if Bert wants to, he can lose a lot of weight. | ||
| He just drinks so much. | ||
| It's part of his thing, you know, so I feel like he feels like, I shouldn't put words in his mouth, but he's almost like, am I Bert Kreischer if I'm not getting fucked up and having fun with the fans like that? | ||
| Like, if he does a show and he doesn't take his shirt off, people will boo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We fucking pay to see tits! | |
| I think he wants to take his shirt off, and they want it to come off. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I run to the balcony when he's about to take his shirt off. | ||
| Because there's a big cheer, the pop, when he takes his shirt off. | ||
| Everybody goes crazy. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| When I did Bert's podcast last time, I was like, stop letting everybody get in your head. | ||
| All these complaints are about Bert being the same person that we all are, and also who he is. | ||
| But it's like now it's all of a sudden like, you know, he worries about that shit. | ||
| And I'm like, Bert, people want you to take your shirt off. | ||
| And they want to hear your stories about your family. | ||
| You're letting people go like, well, you don't do it like this person. | ||
| It's like, well, you don't tell jokes like Mark Norman. | ||
| That's not what your thing is. | ||
| So it's not a thing to worry about. | ||
| He reads the comments. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| You read the comments, he'll fuck with your head. | ||
| No matter how mentally strong you are, if you're reading a bunch of opinions about you, it'll fuck with your head. | ||
| Yeah, and it's just like the same people who go on to Yelp and write reviews. | ||
| It's just people that want to complain. | ||
| So when you go on to social media, it's just like you get, it feels like, like I have a pretty decent fan base. | ||
| Like Legion of Skanks, we have a really like healthy fan base. | ||
| And then there's like 30 dudes. | ||
| They're not healthy. | ||
| Not physically healthy. | ||
| There's like 30 dudes who hate me and want my son to die. | ||
| And if you go on to Twitter, I'll just see that. | ||
| And it does like fuck with you. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's all 30 of his followers. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of crazy people out there, and there's also a lot of kids that just want to get a rise out of you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a lot of things going on. | ||
| There's a lot of people that want to fuck with your head, but it's almost all unhappy people, unfortunately. | ||
| I just learned very quickly, though, the ones that I have responded to, even when I respond, my thing was always to respond kind of funny. | ||
| I'm not getting into fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| or someone would write two paragraphs about how terrible I am, and I'd be like, you know, come on, Jimbo, you don't mean it. | ||
| And then how much they write... | ||
| I had a crappy day. | ||
| Love you, dude. | ||
| Listen every day. | ||
| Sometimes there's one guy who tweets at me almost every day where he says, Luis J. Gomez has lip fillers, and he's trying to get this to be a thing, to catch on. | ||
| And then every day he's trolling me, and I'm like, this fucking guy. | ||
| And for maybe two years, Luis J. Gomez has lip fillers. | ||
| He'll respond to everything. | ||
| Other people tweet at me. | ||
| He's like, just so you know, you're talking to somebody who has lip fillers. | ||
| And I don't have lip fillers. | ||
| He's got beautiful Puerto Rican lips. | ||
| This guy showed up at a show. | ||
| You had a little work. | ||
| Dude, he showed up at a show in... | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| He showed up at a show in Raleigh, North Carolina with a t-shirt that said, Lewis J. Gomez has lip fillers. | ||
| And then I was like, I should bite your fucking nose off your face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| But he's just like, oh, no, I'm a fan. | ||
| Like, it's hilarious. | ||
| He's just being silly. | ||
| He's just being silly every day. | ||
| He's being silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of the fun of being a fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, if you get a rise out of you, it worked. | ||
| I know. | ||
| So I just steer clear. | ||
| He gotcha! | ||
| He's in the front row. | ||
| He gotcha. | ||
| He got ya. | ||
| I steer clear of the comment just because of that. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, I don't know. | ||
| I'd rather just meet people and if they show up, I guess they're fans. | ||
| They're so sweet in person because Skankfest is like, half of them are like people who are on Reddit and trolling. | ||
| And you go to Skankfest and it is just thousands of people that are like, just love. | ||
| Skankfest particularly, it's like, you know, they say how many times in your life you walk by a murderer? | ||
| It's like, how many times does Skankfest do I walk by, take a picture and shake hands with somebody who's like, Dude, you used to be good, but you suck dick in comedy now. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| You're always gonna get guys like that. | ||
| There was one guy who was a fan of ours in the old school when we were at the Creaking Cave back in New York. | ||
| There was a dude who used to wear black glasses, long black hair, and he was at every episode. | ||
| He ended up murdering his mother. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Murdering his mother. | ||
| And then becoming great friends with Doug Stanhope after he murdered his mother. | ||
| Like a jail pen pal with Stanhope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It was pretty funny when he got out. | ||
| He's out. | ||
| He lives in a halfway house type thing now because it was a mental issue that he did that. | ||
| He killed his mom. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| If you kill your mom, well, you know, she might have been a bitch. | ||
| She'd have to do something really bad. | ||
| If you kill your mom, I feel like, I don't care. | ||
| You obviously have mental issues. | ||
| Yeah, duh. | ||
| When he called us, he described it. | ||
| It was like he thought she was a demon that he had to stop before she got out in the world. | ||
| He went crazy. | ||
| But I still feel like you should lock that guy up. | ||
| You guys didn't pay attention to the BJ Penn stuff? | ||
| He's like losing it, right? | ||
| P.J. Penn claims that his family are imposters. | ||
| That someone has kidnapped his family and replaced them? | ||
| Yeah, that's a very... | ||
| Isn't it funny when they hit the... | ||
| And bipolar, with those kind of things? | ||
| like they're a textbook. | ||
| If you look it up, because I've looked it up before, you look it up, it's texting people A newfound thing in, like, religion. | ||
| And, like, being serious about it all of a sudden. | ||
| Like, it's always been that way. | ||
| And they always have those things. | ||
| That's one of them, too. | ||
| Like, everyone's fake. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everyone in my life has been replaced with somebody else. | ||
| Like, called something, particularly. | ||
| Some of them think they have a chip in their head and people are talking to them. | ||
| Yeah, it's very, very bad. | ||
| A lot of that is they have a chip in their head. | ||
| Well, this guy who killed his mom and Doug Stano became friends with And, you know, we were asking him kind of about what happened, and he just, you know, he gave a very compelling story, and we were saying goodbye to him. | ||
| He goes, I just want to say, you know, when I was going through all that horrible stuff in the last several years that had been so difficult and terrible and my family hating me, but I still always, man, I listen to you guys and laugh, and I just want to say, That I love you guys. | ||
| And I was like, well, I think I speak for the group and I say, whew. | ||
| Because we all are aware of what you'll do if you feel someone is a problem. | ||
| Yeah, or a demon. | ||
| Or possibly a demon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The point is, we have some great fans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you guys are doing something really fun. | ||
| You're getting all the misfits together. | ||
| And you're celebrating comedy. | ||
| It's like a real... | ||
| Like the comics look forward to it. | ||
| Everybody loves it. | ||
| Everybody talks so highly of it. | ||
| And everybody says the vibe is so fun because they just go there to see. | ||
| But one of my favorite moments is when he went up at Skankfest. | ||
| They didn't know he was going to be there. | ||
| That was the first time he performed in America after he got canceled. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| And what's beautiful about the fans, they're educated comedy fans, so we didn't even have to tell them to not pull out their cell phones. | ||
| Not a single person took video. | ||
| Not a single person. | ||
| I watched the video I took that video of Justin Silver announcing gentlemen And I didn't take any of his set. | ||
| It was just him walking on a stage, standing ovation. | ||
| It made TMZ. | ||
| It was fucking really cool. | ||
| I mean, I was a pig in shit. | ||
| I went outside, I got emotional. | ||
| I was like, that was fucking so cool. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| What was really neat, what was funny about that moment, was I was with Soder, Dan Soder, and I was like, I was like, you want to come outside? | ||
| I'm going to smoke a joint outside. | ||
| He goes, yeah, sure. | ||
| And as we were just walking through that room, I wasn't even thinking about it. | ||
| He goes, oh, you know, we should watch Louis come on real quick. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, yeah, sure. | ||
| I didn't overthink of the moment you were about to watch was so crazy. | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
| That was one of the coolest moments at the festival. | ||
| That and then the tough crowd. | ||
| We did a tough crowd reunion at Skankfest in Brooklyn a few years ago. | ||
| Just having everybody from tough crowd get together. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, Colin. | ||
| You know, being at the head of it, that was awesome. | ||
| That was one of the best shows ever. | ||
| He should just make it a podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| It would be a huge podcast. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I wonder if he has the name, if he owns the name. | ||
| I think he does. | ||
| But then he should definitely do it. | ||
| I think he does. | ||
| I think he just doesn't want to. | ||
| Well, it might be something that someone needs to offer it to him and put it together, you know? | ||
| It could be something, if you said it, he'd be like... | ||
| A lot of people have. | ||
| He's been approached with it. | ||
| He was great at the club. | ||
| He was at the club a couple weeks ago. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| Colin's awesome. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| All the comics that worked there, they all lined up to watch him. | ||
| I mean, is it real? | ||
| He's just such a pro. | ||
| It's also his material is so interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's such an interesting guy. | ||
| Well, he does the one-man shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| The last time I did a tough crowd, he warmed up the crowd. | ||
| And so he's doing stand-up in front of the crowd. | ||
| And he was fucking murdering. | ||
| I'm like, this is way better than even tough crowds. | ||
| Like, he's one of the most underrated guys of all time. | ||
| All us comics know how funny he is? | ||
| He's like a real comics comic. | ||
| He's like in the top three. | ||
| It's like a tell. | ||
| It's always like top three for every comedian. | ||
| It was also, though, that place was like the shark tank, though, for something. | ||
| When they got that fan, I never felt bad for somebody more in my life when they had him on there. | ||
| And the only segment that was produced of Tough Crowder, you remember, was the last one. | ||
| You had to write and give them whatever your little rant was going to be about the final topic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did it once, right? | |
| I did it once. | ||
| About that final topic. | ||
| That was the only homework you had to do at all. | ||
| And that fan was clearly going to do something about his mother and do the voice or something. | ||
| And Patrice, right before he was about to do his fourth segment thing, he goes, Hey, let's see if you can do two minutes without doing your mom's accent. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| And then Voss and all those guys just started pouncing on them. | ||
| And then he just had to go like, Hey, you guys. | ||
| So my mother called me. | ||
| Oh, he had to do it still. | ||
| That's all he prepared. | ||
| But it was like an OG podcast. | ||
| Before podcasting was podcasting, just a bunch of comics sitting around, just barking at each other, arguing. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Way ahead of his time. | ||
| But then again, like, Regis and Kathie Lee was a podcast, technically, too. | ||
| Technically, if you really think about it. | ||
| Yeah, The View, all these shows. | ||
| I think Opie and Anthony was the big star of it all. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| That was what started it off for me, because that was the first time I was ever on a show where there was no structure. | ||
| It was just comics. | ||
| We all could be on Opie and Anthony, we'd be having this exact same conversation except Norton and Kumia and Opie would be here. | ||
| Same fucking conversation. | ||
| They'd let you go. | ||
| I was more of a Howard Stern guy. | ||
| I know so were you as well, but without Opie and Anthony, shows like Legion of Skanks wouldn't exist. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| Also, there's a lot of fans that are just these 50-year-old truckers that are just like, we need something. | ||
| Our generation was having a much harder time. | ||
| It wasn't like back in the day when Howard Stern was bringing on comics, all the comics, because that was like his crew he was trying to build up. | ||
| We were past that, so we had no... | ||
| I was Ron and Fez. | ||
| You remember Ron and Fez's show? | ||
| Sure, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's the show that kind of took me in, that I jobbed with best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that was a lot of fun. | ||
| Ron Bennington's fucking great. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| Yeah, there's like, you know, there's a whole You could track, like, ancient man. | ||
| You know, like fucking prehistoric... | ||
| Oh, without a doubt. | ||
| How about Marc Maron just quitting? | ||
| I know, crazy. | ||
| He's done. | ||
| He's hanging it up. | ||
| Not fun anymore. | ||
| The, uh... | ||
| Yeah, but like... | ||
| There was a few comics that would come on Stern. | ||
| They would interview. | ||
| They were megastars. | ||
| Opie and Anthony figured out they could put three or four comics in a room and create a beautiful chaos. | ||
| And it was just going to be people bouncing off each other. | ||
| You'd create these moments that nobody knew was going to happen. | ||
| Really cool. | ||
| Stern did not believe in that. | ||
| You want a cigar? | ||
| I'll take a cigar. | ||
| Hell yeah, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm talking about. | |
| I love a good cigar. | ||
| Yeah, Stern's thing now is for comics. | ||
| Oh, Stern sucks now. | ||
| Now it has to be. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I was one of the last people to check out. | ||
| Yeah, you liked Stern way too late. | ||
| Listen, I still arbitrarily just go to it, and I think he's the best that ever did it. | ||
| I give him all the kudos in the world. | ||
| Without him, there would be nothing. | ||
| None of it. | ||
| I give him all the kudos in the world. | ||
| I think his last phase here, I might be weirdly too young for it, possibly. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| These are good. | ||
| These are good. | ||
| The interviews don't really strike me anymore. | ||
| He's not going to get to anything that I care about with Sarah Jessica Parker. | ||
| It's just not going to get... | ||
| I remember back in the day he made the guy Remember that song from the 90s? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Like, Chinese food makes me sick. | ||
| Girls of Summer. | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| You're a real cigar guy. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You know how to burn before you... | ||
| It's a one-hit wonder. | ||
| I don't remember it at all. | ||
| They were like around the same time as all the boy bands. | ||
| And they got pretty popular. | ||
| And he made one of those guys so interesting. | ||
| He got him to talk about fucking Jennifer Love Hewitt and then her dumping him. | ||
| And the way he found out he was dumped, like, she gave him a ring that was like a promise ring from her to him. | ||
| And then he saw... | ||
| That's just her ring she gives out. | ||
| She's a wild girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Giving out rings to dudes. | ||
| I know. | ||
| She fucking aged like a goddamn plum, though. | ||
| She looks like shit. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| It looks like shit now. | ||
| I feel bad saying this is too big of a platform to be really trashing a girl for not being pretty anymore. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, back off of that. | ||
| This is the way to do it. | ||
| You feel better if you don't say it. | ||
| Hillary Clinton. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, no. | ||
| Pamela Anderson. | ||
| I mean, goddammit, did she fall off? | ||
| She was the hottest woman. | ||
| She stopped wearing makeup. | ||
| She put it back on again. | ||
| It didn't help a lot. | ||
| But I will say, no, she was... | ||
| First of all, the documentary about her they did on Netflix a couple years back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jay loves documentaries. | |
| Jay loves the documentary. | ||
| Love them. | ||
| The one they did about her on Netflix. | ||
| He won't read a book, but he'll watch a documentary all day long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Books. | |
| Who's got time for books? | ||
| But the thing about her made me like her. | ||
| The one about Anna Nicole Smith made me realize what a piece of shit she was. | ||
| I mean, terrible person, it seemed like. | ||
| And then Pam Anderson made me fall in love with her again, where I'm like, she really is just like a dummy who just believes in love. | ||
| She's just like a sucker. | ||
| She had a couple moments where she talked about, during the Me Too movement, she was like, look, I got invited to every hotel room by every director in Hollywood. | ||
| She was like, I didn't go, because I knew what the fuck they wanted. | ||
| And she just kind of had a very real opinion on that whole sort of movement and what was going on. | ||
| It's like, you know what's happening if you go to a hotel room? | ||
| With some fucking powerful guy. | ||
| Like, you know, you have to take a certain amount of, you know, accountability yourself. | ||
| And she had a very real take on it, which I kind of respected. | ||
| Well, Hollywood had a long history doing that. | ||
| Tarantino was telling me about this old school director that had a bedroom in his office. | ||
| And his name was Quentin Tarantino. | ||
| His name was Tintin Quarantino. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, we talked about that, right? | |
| In Desperado, was it? | ||
| No, Dustal Dawn. | ||
| Dustal Dawn, where he's like, Yeah, he's like, I'm going to have Salma Hayek shove her foot in somebody's mouth. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I think it'll be me. | ||
| I'll take that. | ||
| I'm not going to put George Clooney through the sweet sensation of sucking Salma Hayek's beautiful foot. | ||
| God, she was hot in that scene. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He played such a good serial killer in that fucking movie. | |
| That was great. | ||
| I just watched it two weeks ago again. | ||
| He was such a good psycho. | ||
| I prefer Black Dust to Dawn called Sinners. | ||
| I don't think Dust to Dawn had enough of enough social commentary. | ||
| I thought Sinners was great. | ||
| People hate them sinners. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| I thought it was really good, dude. | ||
| Was it great? | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| People try to politicize everything. | ||
| I'm like, it's just a fun vampire movie. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Yeah, you don't like a good vampire movie? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is it politicized? | ||
| I love a good vampire movie. | ||
| Kind of, yeah. | ||
| They were saying it's like an attack on white culture. | ||
| The annoyance of politicizing. | ||
| The first vampires were white, and they were feasting on black people. | ||
| Which, you know, black people would be more delicious. | ||
| Yeah, dark meat. | ||
| But you very rarely, other than Blade, you very rarely get a black vampire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sweeter of the juice. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Oh, you remember Blackula? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blackula, yes. | |
| You remember Blackula? | ||
| It had to be a comedy? | ||
| No, it was a fucking movie. | ||
| No, but it's like a... | ||
| It's like a black exploitation, right? | ||
| But it's supposed to be ridiculous. | ||
| I think it was a horror movie. | ||
| I think it was a legit horror movie. | ||
| It was just a black vampire. | ||
| Do you know Blackula? | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Blackula, I found this out from that Pee Wee Herman documentary. | ||
| Blackula was the mailman on Pee Wee's Playhouse. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Phil Hartman was on Pee Wee's Playhouse. | ||
| Died hating him. | ||
| What? | ||
| Phil Hartman did? | ||
| He hated Pee Wee Herman when he died. | ||
| No. | ||
| What makes you say that? | ||
| That's a thing in the documentary. | ||
| Phil Hartman hated Pee Wee Herman? | ||
| Phil Hartman did an interview with Howard Stern. | ||
| Howard Stern asked him about that, and he was like, yeah, we don't speak anymore. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He thought he didn't get enough credit, I think, for Pee Wee's Big Adventure and shit. | ||
| Oh, that's unfortunate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Pee Wee Herman was a real bitchy queen, but very interesting. | ||
| It's easy to get along with. | ||
| Like, Phil was... | ||
| He was easy for me. | ||
| I got along with him great. | ||
| Andy Dick, there was the problem. | ||
| He was fun, man. | ||
| He was just too wild. | ||
| You know, but I did so many scenes with that dude where we had to do him like three or four times because I couldn't stop laughing. | ||
| I just couldn't. | ||
| Stop breaking character. | ||
| It's more just like sad what he's going through now. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| But he also just gets like, he's one of those guys, he's like letting himself get used by people, I assume for drugs or something. | ||
| But I mean like. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because he ends up on these like weird pods where it's like he's sleeping at some guy's house or something weird. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's out of it. | ||
| And he was right there on the precipice with jury duty. | ||
| Paulie Shore's vehicle, jury duty. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He did other stuff too, man. | ||
| He did that. | ||
| Fucking war movie. | ||
| What was the war movie they did? | ||
| Oh, In the Army Now. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was in that, too, wasn't he? | ||
| I think that's the one he did. | ||
| They may have been trying to Farley Spade them. | ||
| Farley Spade them together. | ||
| He's a funny dude, though. | ||
| Do you have hopes for Happy Gilmore 2? | ||
| Could it possibly be good? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Adam Sandler still makes good stuff. | ||
| Comedy? | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| Those Netflix ones were good. | ||
| They were funny. | ||
| They're pretty good. | ||
| Like Hubie, Halloween or something. | ||
| They're funny, man. | ||
| They're funny. | ||
| They're pretty good. | ||
| If you like Adam Sandler movies, I love Adam Sandler movies. | ||
| I love silly movies. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I loved the one when he played his own sister. | ||
| What was that one? | ||
| Jack and Jill. | ||
| Jack and Jill's fucking hilarious. | ||
| And Al Pacino's in love with her. | ||
| And she's a brute. | ||
| It's fucking fun. | ||
| I understand the rules. | ||
| He's a great actor. | ||
| And I mean, Happy Gilmore was so great, but I almost feel like They'll figure it out. | ||
| I think they're going to try to do too many throwback moments. | ||
| what was the movie they, they kind of did that with recently? | ||
| Fucking, Yeah. | ||
| That was terrible. | ||
| That was actually fucking terrible. | ||
| And coming to America, I grew up on... | ||
| The original Coming to America was rated R. They made it a musical. | ||
| They put music numbers in it. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| Beetlejuice people loved. | ||
| I didn't like that. | ||
| same thing. | ||
| I thought it was like You can't capture that first one. | ||
| I thought Beetlejuice was pretty good. | ||
| The new one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| I thought it was pretty good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| It wasn't as good as the first one, but it's pretty good. | ||
| I fucking loved it. | ||
| The Soul Train, when they got on the Soul Train, it was all dead, resurrected black people dressed in 1970s outfits dancing. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| I kept on falling asleep. | ||
| I keep on turning it on and falling asleep 20 minutes into it. | ||
| Well, it's good, man. | ||
| It's pretty solid. | ||
| I mean, it is one of those Tim Burton movies. | ||
| It's just like a fun, weird fucking movie. | ||
| I loved the first one, man. | ||
| I didn't know Tim Burton made the first Pee-wee's Big Adventure. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| His first Tim Burton movie. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense with Large Marge. | ||
| I forgot to tell him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Large Marge. | |
| That looked like the girl we brought to the UFC event in Philly. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| If they would have called her that, we still would have kept our heads down. | ||
| Large Marge. | ||
| She is large. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Bro, Pee-wee's Playhouse was so fun. | ||
| Or Pee-wee's Big Adventure, rather. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| Pee-wee's Playhouse was trippy. | ||
| I didn't even know that. | ||
| That's how, like, weird, like, Peavy's Playhouse was meant to be, like, One of these bikes was for sale recently. | ||
| How much did they go for? | ||
| I'll let you guess. | ||
| $100,000. | ||
| It went for more than that. | ||
| $500,000. | ||
| No, it was $135,000. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There's 14 bikes and it was one of them that was supposed to be. | ||
| It had no seat on it. | ||
| It was a fun movie, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I went to see that with a girl I was dating in high school and we were like the only people in the movie theater. | ||
| It was like one of them lucky moments. | ||
| We were just fucking howling. | ||
| Howling laughing. | ||
| First was, well, the whole thing was always to have like nods for adults in it. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| It was totally like an anybody's movie. | ||
| It wasn't just like a kid's movie. | ||
| It was an anybody movie. | ||
| Pee-wee was a little off. | ||
| I was being a kid watching it being like, what's the fucking deal here? | ||
| Big Top Pee-wee. | ||
| It was just always a little bit weird. | ||
| Big Top Pee-wee, he tried to do it himself and that's why that did terribly. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Because again, there's jokes and no one gets it. | ||
| I forgot this. | ||
| I saw it once when it first came out. | ||
| Never saw again. | ||
| He's got a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| Having them make out and just keeps panning further and further backwards like five, in the middle of the movie. | ||
| Five minutes of him just like hardcore making out with the chick. | ||
| But I mean, when I was older, I think I would have gotten it. | ||
| He had such like, he said a lot of Andy Warhol inspired stuff and reference. | ||
| There was an episode of Pee-wee's Big Adventure or Pee-wee's Playhouse where he said two minutes he just put dog food in a bowl and it was just like ASMR, a close-up of a dog just eating the food. | ||
| For like two straight minutes, which I would have weirded me out when I was a kid. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Whatever it was, it was just a little bit off. | ||
| He got rolled up in one of the most bullshit cases ever. | ||
| Oh, what, he got caught jerking off in the theater? | ||
| He got caught jerking off in a gay movie theater. | ||
| Where are you supposed to jerk off? | ||
| What are you supposed to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That didn't ruin him. | |
| That didn't ruin him the way he thought like that. | ||
| In fact, I thought it was interesting. | ||
| When he did, his first comeback was that Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. | ||
| He asked him to make his character look like his mugshot. | ||
| That's why he looks like that. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I said I made him look like Charles Manson. | ||
| Did you watch it, Jamie? | ||
| No, I saw clips of it. | ||
| I was really into it. | ||
| I mean, didn't it get a show canceled? | ||
| No, the show was already done. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The show was already done. | ||
| But he was out for a while. | ||
| Then he was in Blow. | ||
| He was in that. | ||
| No, he came back. | ||
| He had a career cover. | ||
| Derek for real? | ||
| But after that, what took him down was, because I thought you were saying he got caught up in the biggest bullshit. | ||
| He was caught up in that sweep that got Jeffrey Jones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| That was the principal from Ferris Bueller. | ||
| That guy got nailed with actual child pornography. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And Pee Wee Herman was friends with him, so they went and searched Pee Wee's house, and what they found, he's a collector. | ||
| He's like a crazy collector. | ||
| He's found a big couch that can talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A bunch of naked kids inside of it. | ||
| No, you don't understand how to fuck them. | ||
| He eats them. | ||
| No, he had erotica from the 70s in collections that was like, and everyone was above age, but it was considered obscene material. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| When they went to his house. | ||
| Where was he living? | ||
| California, I believe. | ||
| Erotica. | ||
| Obscene erotica? | ||
| He got nailed with obscene material charges, but he was lumped in with, like, pedophilia. | ||
| The charge here is a little worse than that. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Pleaded no contest in L.A. court to charges of hiring a 14-year-old boy to pose for photographs. | ||
| To pose for photographs? | ||
| They leave that out of the documentary, I feel like. | ||
| They didn't put that in the documentary. | ||
| Look at Jay defending an actual pedophile. | ||
| I'm just saying he was a good guy. | ||
| You gotta stay care of those documentaries. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Child porn was not part of the deal. | ||
| Joe, the first time we did your podcast when you showed us all of your cool toys in your L.A. studio, I would have sucked your dick to do one of those things. | ||
| Which toys? | ||
| Like your... | ||
| I've told this story so many times on podcasts. | ||
| The first time we came here, it ends so great. | ||
| Me, Dave, and Lewis all came in in LA and you took us first and you go, check this out. | ||
| And you grabbed the compound bow, and you had the laser sight, and you could shoot it all the way across the full UFC gym. | ||
| It looked so cool. | ||
| We were all, like, just warming our hands up. | ||
| We're like, we can't wait till we can do this. | ||
| Then you put the bow down as I was reaching for it, I thought. | ||
| And then you went over, you go, this is the pool table. | ||
| You broke a rack and sunk a few. | ||
| Like, cool. | ||
| Then you open the door, and you're like, here's where I freeze myself. | ||
| Here's where I thaw myself out. | ||
| And we're like, wow. | ||
| And then you go, and here's my prize possession. | ||
| And you had the And you had the flat tip. | ||
| I go, he probably wants us to do this one because it's the flat tips. | ||
| No one's going to get hurt. | ||
| And then you fucking wailed two elk. | ||
| And then you go, let's go podcast, boys. | ||
| He just showed us all the toys and was like, don't touch these. | ||
| The problem with those toys is I can't teach you that quickly to use them. | ||
| We're going to embarrass ourselves. | ||
| We would have embarrassed ourselves big, but then we always say how much Dave Smith came on, talks with you after that individually. | ||
| Me and Lewis were like, why doesn't Joe embrace us the way he embraces Dave? | ||
| And then someone brought up the first picture we ever took here. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| It's the werewolf. | ||
| I am standing behind the werewolf like I'm fucking it. | ||
| I'm getting sucked off. | ||
| Lewis is acting like he's getting sucked off by the bear. | ||
| And Dave is just leaning in, touching it, going... | ||
| Dave had respect for you and your belongings. | ||
| We're like, oh, then explain. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| The difference between us and Dave. | ||
| I wonder why Dave keeps going back. | ||
| Dave has his hand on the head gently. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is Dave in the Rogan sphere? | ||
| We're trying to figure out how we get in the Rogan sphere. | ||
| My ochre sphere is worse. | ||
| Look, first of all, Shane doesn't need the Rogan sphere anymore. | ||
| Let's just move Shane out. | ||
| Move Big Jay into that position. | ||
| Doesn't require the Rogan sphere at all. | ||
| Ari's moving to fucking Thailand or something. | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| I'm ready. | ||
| I'm a wacky guy. | ||
| I'll shave half my head. | ||
| Ari's going to do a stint over there and bail. | ||
| Agreed. | ||
| I'm going to talk to him. | ||
| I'm going to call him up every day. | ||
| Fuck that place. | ||
| I'm going to call him up, plant it in his head. | ||
| I think we got Diaz coming here. | ||
| Oh, it's Austin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, we talked about it this weekend. | ||
| I saw him in Jersey for the fights. | ||
| So he's back in the sphere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| There's plenty of room for you guys. | ||
| You're in the sphere right now. | ||
| You're on the show. | ||
| Every time the Rogan sphere gets talked about, we never get a thing. | ||
| When Cat Williams said six unfunny comics, we knew it wasn't us. | ||
| I knew it wasn't us! | ||
| I would have been happy to be one of the six unfunny comics! | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Cat probably has a point. | ||
| He thought I wouldn't have him on. | ||
| I'm like, bro, I love you. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| I couldn't wait to have him on right away. | ||
| I reached out to him right away. | ||
| I go, that's not true. | ||
| I just haven't reached out to you because I didn't know if you wanted to do it. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I didn't know he wanted to do it. | ||
| If I thought he wanted to do it, I would have had him on a long time ago. | ||
| He's an interesting story. | ||
| He might be one of my favorite stand-ups to watch a special of. | ||
| Because I have a hard time laughing at on-TV specials. | ||
| Pimp Chronicles? | ||
| Dude, he's fucking so funny, dude. | ||
| Bro, Pimp Chronicles. | ||
| I'm not gonna lie. | ||
| I need subtitles for it, but I genuinely don't know what he's saying. | ||
| But I know Cat Williams is very, very funny. | ||
| Pym Chronicles is a masterpiece. | ||
| It's a masterpiece. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| There's something about him when he's cooking, too, when he's cooking, when he's, like, really on fire, it's different than everybody else. | ||
| He's sweating, and, you know, his fucking hair's throwing back, and just the tone of his voice and the way he repeats punchlines. | ||
| It's like, that guy gets cooking, man. | ||
| He gets cooking, and you watch the crowd. | ||
| They're just falling out of the chairs. | ||
| He does really long sets, too, right? | ||
| He does like an hour and a half? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| He's a wild boy. | ||
| At least. | ||
| He was on a drive, too. | ||
| I put him on the driving simulator. | ||
| He fucking killed it. | ||
| Oh, I always see him on World Star Hip Hop, he beats like pro athletes in races and shit all the time. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| Yeah, I believe it. | ||
| And he talks about it. | ||
| He still, what's funny is he also dresses though like the old black guy who comes to play basketball, so it looks like he's not gonna be that good. | ||
| And then he's like fast as shit. | ||
| Remember when you got beat up by a teenager? | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| That's the funniest thing in the world when he goes, This is him at our racing simulator. | ||
| By the way, he's doing it one hand. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get in there. | |
| Get in there. | ||
| There you are. | ||
| There he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's when you have to fight that competition off that corn. | |
| Cold. | ||
| How accurate is the simulator? | ||
| Pretty fucking good. | ||
| It's got gravity. | ||
| It turns you side to side. | ||
| It has crazy noises. | ||
| It feels like you're really drunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's done. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And how do we do it like this? | ||
| Because we do this in real life. | ||
| If he was driving Uber, he'd be making a personal phone call right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm on the road to highway from the highway from America that will allow you to do this. | |
| The roads, the highways, and the byways of America that will allow you to do this. | ||
| So he can drive. | ||
| He looks terrified. | ||
| No, he looks like he's on it, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| It's not a game. | ||
| No, the steering wheel reacts as if your tires would react at high speeds. | ||
| It's on a racetrack. | ||
| You guys ever do a racetrack? | ||
| You ever drive on a racetrack? | ||
| No. | ||
| I can't drive 35 miles an hour on a regular road. | ||
| I do believe in full trip. | ||
| When I did Burt's tour, one of the things we performed at a racetrack, and they had the pace car. | ||
| It was like a convertible. | ||
| And they took us all for like a couple loops, like individually. | ||
| One time they wanted us to film it. | ||
| And mine was so boring, because I was like smiling. | ||
| It was exhilarating the whole time, but they were like, you know, Bert's giving them, and people are going like, no, no, no, no, no! | ||
| Like, the corners are coming. | ||
| And they were like, you didn't freak out at all. | ||
| I go, I just had blind trust that they're not going to kill us. | ||
| Like, right? | ||
| Like, are they going to put us in real, like, are we going to start cartwheeling down the fucking road here? | ||
| I assume they're not going to do anything they don't know how to do perfectly. | ||
| This is why Bert's famous, because Bert's fun, and he reacts big, and you just sat there like, Nobody wants to watch that. | ||
| I know! | ||
| I should have overreacted. | ||
| People want to watch you screaming and fucking yelling and crying about your daughter. | ||
| Just be your daughter. | ||
| My daughter. | ||
| Don't worry about what people want. | ||
| I can't scream at that. | ||
| Remember the first time you guys did my nails on the show? | ||
| I freaked out about that. | ||
| Touching my cuticles. | ||
| Now he gets his nails painted by our Asian lady every week. | ||
| Now you have to once it gets done. | ||
| Every other week. | ||
| Lewis, I'm not a diva. | ||
| Is that a thing you feel connected to? | ||
| Like you have to keep doing that now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Is that a Burt Kreischer take your shirt off thing? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| Not like that. | ||
| No, it's more like connected to. | ||
| No, it's a gayer thing. | ||
| No, it's connected to I bit my nails forever, got my teeth fixed, can't bite my nails anymore. | ||
| They grew in raggedy. | ||
| I tried to take care of it myself and was just terrible at it. | ||
| They got my nails on the show one time. | ||
| As a bit. | ||
| Because if you just did this to Jay... | ||
| For some reason, it's a weird thing. | ||
| So we had an Asian lady come in, and we warned her. | ||
| We were like, listen, the type of show, the jokes we're going to make, she was so cool. | ||
| She barely spoke any English, but she was such a fun time. | ||
| And she did his nails on the show, and he screamed like a girl the whole time. | ||
| I didn't scream. | ||
| It was more like that, like, pull away. | ||
| I did not enjoy it. | ||
| Yeah, and then it became a thing where every week after that he came in with a new color nails. | ||
| Every other week. | ||
| I'm not a gay man. | ||
| No, but once they were done, then yeah, you can't really undo it. | ||
| I don't know what to do now. | ||
| I can't take care of him that good myself. | ||
| I can't make him look like that. | ||
| Just go get it done. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If that's what you like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody's got their own quirks, Lewis. | ||
| Leave him alone. | ||
| Yeah, Lewis, you chose to have nipple rings to connect. | ||
| I have one or had one nipple ring. | ||
| I can't believe you actually had one. | ||
| I was kidding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had one. | |
| Did they connect like Xerxes? | ||
| No, no, I had a nipple ring. | ||
| had a lip ring. | ||
| I like, by the way, isn't the funniest thing you had all those things when you're, Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You never had a nipple ring? | ||
| You never had a nipple ring with pecs? | ||
| You had nipple rings with your tit? | ||
| It was like you looked sexy in tank tops. | ||
| I was so bad, dude. | ||
| Just a fat kid with a nipple ring for no reason. | ||
| Why'd you get it done? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just wanted tattoos and piercings and shit. | ||
| I was young. | ||
| I was surprised though. | ||
| I kept from being fat my whole life also. | ||
| I kept my tattoos always to arms. | ||
| For the most part, I never did ones that I would have to take my shirt off for people to see. | ||
| Yeah, I wouldn't do a stomach tattoo. | ||
| No, but you had like here. | ||
| I have my chest tattoo. | ||
| It says on my own. | ||
| I got a woman when my mom died. | ||
| It says on my own? | ||
| On my own. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Isn't that ironic for a guy who owns a company and has a thousand friends and collaborates with people and everything he does? | ||
| He's on his own. | ||
| Well, he says on this side, a coattail rider. | ||
| You figured out early on, though, that the best way to not get pulled off of shit is to have your own network, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, Kumeya did that. | ||
| You guys did that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| What's funny is we were going like, for a few years it almost seemed like pointless because Patreon got so big. | ||
| But then with censorship, with YouTube and all these other platforms, now there's never been a better time for it. | ||
| Like, we have an uncensored version of the show, an ad-free version of the show. | ||
| We can say anything we want. | ||
| YouTube hunts us every time we get close to that plaque. | ||
| We've had our four YouTube channels taken down. | ||
| In the 90-something thousands of subscribers because they just start reviewing it then. | ||
| What gets pulled? | ||
| What's it about? | ||
| Most of the time it's actually our fucking dumb producers leaving in like nudity and shit like that. | ||
| YouTube relaxes moderation rules to allow more controversial content. | ||
| Oh, this is today? | ||
| Freedom of expression value may outweigh harm risk. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Good for YouTube. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It is changing a little bit, which is good. | ||
| Well, the pendulum swings, right? | ||
| Corey Holm's podcast I was listening to the other day, and I was like, how is this? | ||
| Corey's wild. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| All the words you're not allowed to say. | ||
| So we bleep out all the no-no words, right? | ||
| This includes discussions of elections. | ||
| Ideologies, movements, race, gender, sexuality, abortion, immigration, and censorship. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| We're back. | ||
| Not remove anything considered to be in the public interest. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| Oh, abortion, too. | ||
| So we could do that abortion now on the air. | ||
| Remember that live abortion? | ||
| We've been putting that bit off for years. | ||
| That would be a great bit. | ||
| Early term. | ||
| Everything that you can discuss is in the public interest, though. | ||
| I'm glad they changed it to that. | ||
| That's a great way of designing it. | ||
| Like jokes, like specifically, like I got my, on Instagram right now, they, I can't go live or advertise on Instagram for a year because I was talking about a bit that I did on my first special on Dan Soder's podcast about how I would get free cocaine in Mexico. | ||
| I went up the beach and like I would get samples of cocaine. | ||
| I just told the story about actually doing it and they flagged it and said we were promoting Like the sales of drugs, and I'm fucking fucked for a year now. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's like literally a joke. | ||
| You did put up the number of the dealer, though. | ||
| You put up the dealer's number? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| But that's what I did. | ||
| I would go up and down the beach, and I'd get a free sample of cocaine. | ||
| I'd go to the next guy, get another free sample of cocaine, go to the next guy. | ||
| I just did that all night until they caught on. | ||
| Until you were the leader of the cartel. | ||
| Yeah, they can get you for Rico charges now. | ||
| Yeah, that was the Cabo Comedy Festival, the shittiest comedy festival ever, like a decade ago. | ||
| Cabo Comedy Festival? | ||
| Then at the end of the night, I fucked like a 70-year-old woman. | ||
| She was gross. | ||
| Still hotter than the girl we brought to the UFC in Philly. | ||
| Was she? | ||
| No. | ||
| You fucked up with a couple of hilarious ones. | ||
| Old ladies? | ||
| Yeah, just like, oh, shit. | ||
| I think on Shiprocked one year you hooked up with a fucking doozy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| She had like a really thick smoker's voice. | ||
| It's like, come to my cabin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| You're a little bit locked in on a cruise, especially a heavy metal cruise. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Heavy metal from the 90s. | ||
| There's no hot chicks on those cruises. | ||
| Heavy metal cruise. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We did a thing called Shiprocked. | ||
| I've done it a bunch. | ||
| Dude, I was watching this documentary today on the Black Sea where all those cargo ships wind up sinking. | ||
| Have you ever seen ships going across the Black Sea? | ||
| It's apparently the most dangerous part of the ocean to cross. | ||
| For Lewis, where's the Black Sea? | ||
| Because I see his eyes are crossing. | ||
| I think it's across the top of the UK. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure. | ||
| But I watched this documentary about watching these fucking cargo ships get nailed by these monster waves. | ||
| I'm like, imagine being on a fucking cruise ship and some shit like that. | ||
| Oh my god, it's terrifying, dude. | ||
| A renegade wave goes sideways. | ||
| So where is it? | ||
| That's the Black Sea? | ||
| So where's that at? | ||
| Turkey? | ||
| See if we can find some videos of cargo ships getting fucked up on the Black Sea. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The ocean's scary in general. | ||
| I've been surfing before and I'm just not good at it. | ||
| You feel the power of the fucking ocean. | ||
| I've done those cruise ships enough to be like, if you go off that boat, you're as good as dead. | ||
| They won't stop. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It snapped the cargo ship in two. | ||
| The wave was so big, it snapped this fucking ship in half. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| And this is nothing compared to some of the waves I've seen. | ||
| Some of the waves are fucking bananas. | ||
| Apparently if you fall off a cruise ship, they can't stop the ship. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| If you fall off a cruise ship, they can't turn around and get you? | ||
| There's more death by fire a year or by sea. | ||
| No, they have to call the Coast Guard or whatever to come and find you, but you're dead. | ||
| They give you coordinates that mean nothing. | ||
| Yeah, they throw some fucking donuts out to you. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| You have to find the donuts in the ocean, and the ocean's fucking flopping. | ||
| It's insane, dude. | ||
| The worst part of that for me is that if I fell off, I'm holding onto a donut and hearing the sounds of Tesla slowly slink away. | ||
| Oh, they're doing acoustic signs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit! | |
| Take pictures, you bitch! | ||
| Yeah, there's a there's a cargo ship that's on fire right now in the And apparently one of them caught fire in the middle of the ocean. | ||
| That's why you can't put fucking electric cigarettes in your... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| I pay attention to none of those rules. | ||
| Remember when those Samsung phones were lighting people's cars on fire? | ||
| Indian Coast Guard battles massive fire and container ship listed off Corella. | ||
| I don't think this is the one. | ||
| It's in Indian? | ||
| There's another one, Jamie, that's UVs. | ||
| It's all UV cars. | ||
| Isn't there theoretically people in some of those cargo things? | ||
| Cargo ship carrying UVs on fire. | ||
| Or EVs, sorry, EVs. | ||
| Is that just the wire or is that how they get people over sometimes? | ||
| There's people sometimes in those cargo things? | ||
| Oh yeah, no, that's real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| So that's filled with electric cars. | ||
| I wonder whose cars they are. | ||
| It just says EVs. | ||
| If it was Teslas, it would say cargo ship filled with Teslas. | ||
| They would throw Elon onto the bus for sure. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not sold in the electric car. | ||
| They're great when they work. | ||
| You never go to the gas station. | ||
| You just plug it in when you go to sleep at night. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| I think you need your car to be more reliable than your phone. | ||
| Well, they're really reliable. | ||
| The thing is about driving them, like Teslas, they never fuck up. | ||
| I've had three of them. | ||
| I've never had a problem. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, nothing. | ||
| I had one problem with a windshield wiper motor. | ||
| It was simple. | ||
| Do you get rid of them because it's time? | ||
| It's a lease. | ||
| I get a lease. | ||
| So you get a new one, yeah. | ||
| Okay, so it's not like, you're not like, shit, this thing's starting to clear out. | ||
| No, well, they make them better every three years. | ||
| When do they peter out? | ||
| What's the death of a Tesla? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| You can get them, you know, that are many years old. | ||
| It's just their batteries degrade slightly over time. | ||
| So, like, if it first comes from the factory with 340 miles, you know, after, like, five, six, seven, eight years, it's probably got 280 miles or something like that, you know? | ||
| So that's all, just efficiency kind of goes down? | ||
| Yeah, but for driving around town, like, if you're just taking it to commute, it's easy. | ||
| You just plug it in when you go to bed at night. | ||
| You don't ever have to go to the gas station. | ||
| Again, silent. | ||
| They move faster than anything you've ever driven. | ||
| I mean, how quickly do you get a return on investment? | ||
| Because the amount of money you save in gas has to be like... | ||
| I'm wondering about the miles things. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, and you remember this too, they would say, oh, Hondas are the best because you can get 200-some thousand miles at 300,000 miles. | ||
| I don't think that even exists anymore that a car is supposed to say. | ||
| Toyotas. | ||
| Yeah, you buy a Tacoma. | ||
| Those motherfuckers will last forever. | ||
| I got a Ram. | ||
| The reason I got the Acura was because Yeah, my buddy, really, Nick Rochefort, shout out Nick Rochefort, great comic, and he was like, dude, trust me, he was like, get an Acura. | ||
| He was like, it'll last 250,000 miles. | ||
| I'll give it to my kid when he graduates high school. | ||
| My friend Matt Farah had a Lexus with a million miles on it. | ||
| That was the other option too. | ||
| He said get a Lexus or an Acura. | ||
| Those are the two that have the greatest resale value and also just the shelf life of the car. | ||
| I've got a Ram and a Jeep. | ||
| America. | ||
| America. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| And we laugh at Toyota Tacomas. | ||
| Get that little stupid rice burner out of here. | ||
| I've got a couple of those Lexus SUVs, the 570s. | ||
| Fucking great car. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Comfortable as shit. | ||
| Big. | ||
| It's so smooth. | ||
| It never fucks up. | ||
| They never have problems. | ||
| Don't buy an Audi. | ||
| I'll tell you that much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| I just totaled my Audi. | ||
| It wasn't the Audi's fault. | ||
| It was a fender bender. | ||
| It was literally a fender bender. | ||
| That fender was going, dude. | ||
| That fender was softened up by all the other fender benders. | ||
| I was like, for sure, this is just an easy repair. | ||
| They came, they're like, yeah, this is totaled. | ||
| Each headlight is like $5,000. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| What is your car worth? | ||
| The car was, I bought it at 70,000 when it was new. | ||
| I had it for four years, and then it depreciated in value to like $25,000, and the damage was like $22,000. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, most of that was to take off the airbrushing you put on the side, you Puerto Rican dumbass. | ||
| That's fucked. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I was so bummed. | ||
| You know what's a really great value if you want to get a car? | ||
| Get like a Mercedes S-Class from like five, six years ago. | ||
| Still amazing? | ||
| Honey, Mercedes S-Class, order it for me. | ||
| No, the old ones. | ||
| An old car? | ||
| Yeah, you can get them from, like, ten years ago, and they're fucking awesome, but they're, like, super cheap. | ||
| But they're so well engineered, they'll never break. | ||
| But for, like, less than, like, an Accord, a brand new Accord, you can get an S-Class from a while ago. | ||
| Well, I thought about that. | ||
| Is it possible to get, like, an old car? | ||
| Is there such a thing as a brand new old engine? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| So can you buy a brand new 2019 car? | ||
| Like what do they do with that one? | ||
| 2019 is not even what I'm talking about. | ||
| Can you get like a 1997 Mustang and then somehow get a new that kind of motor in it? | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Like no computer, none of that shit in it. | ||
| Just like the one you could fix yourself? | ||
| You definitely can. | ||
| Brand new. | ||
| Yeah, there's companies that will do that for you. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| They'll make a car with a carburetor, the whole deal. | ||
| Most of them don't, though. | ||
| Most of them use a crate engine. | ||
| So what they'll do is, like, they take an old car, like a 68 Mustang, and they put a Coyote 5.0 in it, like a modern Ford eight-cylinder Coyote engine in it. | ||
| Yeah, the new ones. | ||
| So it has, like, an ECU. | ||
| It has, like, this little motherboard. | ||
| like you program it, you know, and it has electronic fuel injection. | ||
| I used to have a Grand Cherokee that when I got out of the car, sometimes... | ||
| I think it was the starter, possibly. | ||
| You had to clank it. | ||
| And it did start. | ||
| Why did you just get a new starter? | ||
| Why did you hit it with a hammer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just broke. | |
| This was way back in the day, too. | ||
| So I got the car from, it was one of those, what do you call it, the auctions. | ||
| They've repoed cars and shit like that. | ||
| So it was a piece of shit. | ||
| When you open up, you could have a car for a year at this point, a brand new car, and open it up and it looks brand new because it's barely engine parts. | ||
| It's mostly computers. | ||
| It's like a big plastic covering over a computer, essentially. | ||
| Right, you can't get in there and work on it. | ||
| When you bring it in and go, hey, it's having a problem, they go, did the light go? | ||
| The light went away. | ||
| So the light's not on anymore, but it was there. | ||
| They could plug it in and find that there was a light that came on. | ||
| At some point, but they can't do anything to it if it's not happening. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's not a thing where it's like there's this clicking. | ||
| It's probably a belt. | ||
| Those days are over, I think. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| They seem confused by... | ||
| It's the dealership. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So they probably have everything connected to a computer program, and the computer program talks to the computers in the car. | ||
| I think that's what you have to do with everything now. | ||
| It's no more like a... | ||
| We knew our... | ||
| No, not Chuck and Larry. | ||
| That's the gay guys that got married. | ||
| Chuck and Al. | ||
| We're like, my mom's too like, now I think about it too. | ||
| She probably fucked Chuck or Al. | ||
| My mom really- Both of them. | ||
| Your mom? | ||
| My mom really threw the puss around to make sure we had what we needed when we were younger. | ||
| Not like in a prostitution way. | ||
| Good lady. | ||
| Yeah, it was a good lady. | ||
| But Chuck and Al was always our car mechanics. | ||
| Like for our car, just- You know, Tucker- They can't even be in business anymore with cars now. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of people that still have old cars. | ||
| They want to get them fixed up. | ||
| There's a lot of people that really just like driving analog old cars, you know? | ||
| But not enough for the amount of, like, auto shops there are. | ||
| But don't you hate when it's, like, a really famous guy? | ||
| Who's the famous guy who drives, like, an old pickup truck? | ||
| I want to say it's, like, Christian Bale. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Post Malone? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He drives an old Tacoma. | ||
| Yeah, like an old Ford or, yeah. | ||
| It's a Toyota, yeah. | ||
| I think Jimmy Butler, the athlete, does that. | ||
| But I just feel like he's doing it to be, like, cool. | ||
| It's like, bro, you fucking, you don't need to drive an old-ass truck. | ||
| I'll tell you, Post Malone showed up to a Shane show in a fucking muddy, Shitty big tires truck, and I believed him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| When he got out of it, I was like, this is his thing. | ||
| But he's also got a Lamborghini and a fucking, he's probably got a whole, you know. | ||
| Because he's hanging out with his country friends or his black rap friends. | ||
| He's got one of those Raptors with six wheels. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's his Christian Bills. | ||
| Same Toyota Tacoma since 2003. | ||
| It just bugs me for some reason. | ||
| They're bulletproof. | ||
| Keeps it clean. | ||
| Yeah, it's clean. | ||
| It's not raggedy. | ||
| But those things last forever, man. | ||
| They really last forever. | ||
| It's like, if you wanted a car that's going to last forever that you can buy right now, get a Toyota Tacoma. | ||
| They're fucking bulletproof. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| Yeah, they just re-released one of these old-timey-looking trucks, and it's like vintage. | ||
| I think that's going to be another thing that starts happening. | ||
| It's like vintage-looking cars that are brand new. | ||
| Toyota did? | ||
| I don't know if it's Toyota or another... | ||
| You look like a jerk off though if you bought the novelty car of the time anyone is still rocking a fucking one of those like Union Jack A Fiat, you'd be an asshole. | ||
| Do you remember the PT Cruiser in the early 2000s, late 90s, where they were like, hey, everyone likes that ZZ Top car. | ||
| Let's make a very cheap version of that. | ||
| My mom had a Dodge Neon. | ||
| That was maybe the shittiest car that's ever been mass-produced. | ||
| Oh, I had a Dodge Neon. | ||
| You had to at some point. | ||
| It was 14 bucks. | ||
| Dude, I think it was $10,000, $100 a month, no money down. | ||
| Like, this was, like, the cheapest car ever. | ||
| It was such a piece of shit. | ||
| I think two companies ended up making it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I think it switched at one point from like Dodge to something, yeah. | ||
| Remember the Yugo? | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yugos? | ||
| Or a Datsun. | ||
| Was it, was Yugo from Yugoslavia? | ||
| Is that who made it? | ||
| Is that why it's called the Yugo? | ||
| It was a garbage little car. | ||
| It's amazing how many cars I've been in that are now defunct. | ||
| They don't even make me with Mercurys, Sables, and shit like that. | ||
| But I have no trust or belief in a brand new. | ||
| Like car that comes out. | ||
| Well, Saturn doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| Saturn was like a brand that everybody had back in the 90s. | ||
| I trust Hyundai now. | ||
| Do not trust Kia. | ||
| Hasn't been long enough for some reason. | ||
| I don't know why that one sticks with Genesis. | ||
| That's Hyundai. | ||
| That's Hyundai's Lexus version. | ||
| You know, their high-end luxury version. | ||
| It's fucking really good, man. | ||
| Oh, because Lexus is Toyota. | ||
| Yugoslavian. | ||
| Yeah, Hugo's Yugoslavian. | ||
| That was a garbage car. | ||
| Yeah, I knew that from delivering auto parts. | ||
| That car was like $5. | ||
| It cost more for gas than the car. | ||
| What did you take your driver's test in? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I wish I could remember. | ||
| I think I took it in my mom's Barracuda. | ||
| My mom had a 1970 Barracuda when I was a kid. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I think Hums. | ||
| Oh, it was fun. | ||
| I was in a stick shift Chevette. | ||
| My mom's white stick shifts. | ||
| You gotta learn how to drive. | ||
| That's good though, to learn how to drive and do a driver's test on a stick. | ||
| Like you really know how to drive if you're a kid. | ||
| It is one of those feelings though where you're like, even my daughter, I'm like, it's a good skill to have driving stick and then she'll never be in a world where it will ever be necessary. | ||
| It was fun though. | ||
| I had an Audi Fox. | ||
| That was my first stick shift car. | ||
| It was this cool little fucking front-wheel drive, shitty 1973 car. | ||
| It was great, though. | ||
| Like, little four-cylinder. | ||
| It was like the first car that I had that was little, that can, like, move around. | ||
| I was like, this thing's fun. | ||
| and, like, learning how to shift. | ||
| Everything today is just... | ||
| you're barely connected to what you're driving. | ||
| You feel like the shifting is a lot. | ||
| Everything's smooth. | ||
| Back then, felt the cars. | ||
| Yeah, that's gone. | ||
| Well, that's why people like to drive old cars still. | ||
| I like to feel them, you know? | ||
| Yeah, if I had the money, I would get something. | ||
| That's why I said I asked about if you could do a new engine in a car. | ||
| You have money. | ||
| There's so many cars I missed. | ||
| You could get a car with a nice engine. | ||
| No. | ||
| You literally have two brand new cars. | ||
| You're not going to fix it yourself. | ||
| You're not going to fix it yourself. | ||
| Never. | ||
| So then find a mechanic. | ||
| That you trust. | ||
| Ask around. | ||
| Get a relationship with this mechanic and get a fucking cool car. | ||
| Not the same way your mom did, though. | ||
| Not that way. | ||
| Well, if I could. | ||
| Do you have a car, Louis? | ||
| Usually something from your child. | ||
| Maybe the dream changes. | ||
| The one with the actual hood ornament that was a Jaguar. | ||
| I looked it up a couple years ago. | ||
| I wanted to get an old-school Jaguar SJ6 or something, or whatever it was. | ||
| Early 90s? | ||
| Yeah, early 90s. | ||
| They were the coolest cars I've ever had. | ||
| I looked it up recently, and I found one for like nine grand. | ||
| It looked great, and then I was going to buy it, and then a friend of mine was like, dude, you literally, to get anything fixed on that car is crazy. | ||
| You'll never find the parts. | ||
| That is a tough one. | ||
| When I was young, the one that the cool kids had, that you're like, damn, I wish I had that, was that boxy-looking Mustang 5.0. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| The Vanilla Ice one. | ||
| The convertible. | ||
| That's the exact one. | ||
| Roland M5.0. | ||
| Rims on it and the convertible and that one just... | ||
| But talk about it changing. | ||
| When I was a little kid, this was one of the most hurtful, fat comments ever in my life. | ||
| When I was like, shh, dude, when I get older, I want to get a Mazda Miata. | ||
| That's going to be a fucking roller skate on your fat body. | ||
| And I was like, okay. | ||
| Well, I guess I'll get past the Miata. | ||
| And now sometimes you see one on the road still, and I still go, damn. | ||
| You ever seen those Miatas that they do conversions with? | ||
| They put a V8 in them? | ||
| Yeah, there was a company called Flying Miata and they sold it to another company that's in Florida that does it now. | ||
| I don't know what the name of it is, but they take a regular Miata and they stuff a big fucking aluminum GM crate engine in it. | ||
| And it's got like 500 horsepower. | ||
| It's madness. | ||
| And this tiny little car that weighs nothing. | ||
| Just lifts off the ground. | ||
| But apparently they are a riot to drive. | ||
| They're like the most fun cars to drive because they're super light with crazy power. | ||
| And these new engines are not that heavy, so it doesn't fuck with the balance that much. | ||
| It's like slightly heavier than the stock engine, but insane amounts of power. | ||
| And it sounds insane. | ||
| When we were down at a Nashville comedy festival, there was a guy... | ||
| And it was just like, the colors were crazy and it had some writing on it. | ||
| And we were so curious about it. | ||
| He won it in a sweepstakes. | ||
| He actually won a Lamborghini in a sweepstakes. | ||
| These are those cars. | ||
| Like, give me some volume so we can hear this thing. | ||
| The Miata? | ||
| Yeah, these are the flying Miatas. | ||
| Okay, that's not a Miata. | ||
| This is the Miata. | ||
| That sounds crazy. | ||
| But there's a new company that does it now. | ||
| It's not them and there's some better videos where they show like what the That thing was hugging the corners. | ||
| Imagine if Cat Williams, like, enters F1. | ||
| Oh, you never thought I could do it. | ||
| F1's really, like, right in the streets of a town. | ||
| Yeah, in Monaco. | ||
| They drive through the streets. | ||
| They do it in Vegas, too. | ||
| They did it in Canada. | ||
| Oh, did they really? | ||
| In Montreal. | ||
| I think one year the festival was there. | ||
| It was like they were preparing for F1. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| They do it out here, but they do it at the Circuit of the Americas. | ||
| That's what that neon sign up there is. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Our neon died, I think. | ||
| Did it die? | ||
| I think it died. | ||
| That fucking racetrack out here, Coda, it's awesome. | ||
| Watching Formula One, you can't imagine how fast they're going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, is that the place? | |
| Is that the place? | ||
| I think I did one of those rock fests there backstage, or Oddball Tournament. | ||
| Is that the one that has the Overlook thing behind it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The F1 track? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's one of the... | ||
| I talk about getting over a fear in one day where I've never felt so. | ||
| It's got a... | ||
| Yeah, well, but it was concrete when I got to the glass part my I almost fell forward because my legs stopped Like my legs stop moving like my body shut down be like no no no we're not ready for the end of the night. | ||
| I'm terrified of heights. | ||
| Yeah, you should be. | ||
| By the end of the night. | ||
| Yeah, there it is dude, that's fucking No, I hate that. | ||
| And by the way, I don't think those red things were there when I was there. | ||
| Did I take the, on top of the, this, this, The Strat. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They have a roller coaster at the top, and then they also have the ride that goes straight up and then just drops. | ||
| I went on it with my son. | ||
| My son has no respect for me anymore for this, dude. | ||
| Because I was sitting in the chair, literally just... | ||
| I was screaming like a woman. | ||
| Everybody was cackling at me. | ||
| my son was making fun of me and they didn't even go and then when they finally went up it was Even if I'm strapped in, oh my god, dude. | ||
| You should be. | ||
| I'm afraid of falling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's adorable. | |
| If you're not, you're a freak. | ||
| Those freak climber dudes, they're just freaks. | ||
| Oh, the guys that jump from building to building? | ||
| No, the guy that climbs Mount Capitan with fucking chalk. | ||
| How about the thing that Ralph did that in New York you can do? | ||
| You can go to the top of some building, and they have a thing where it's like they have your... | ||
| But do you remember the sheriff showed to you? | ||
| You could take a picture, something in New York, where your feet are on the building and you're hanging off it over New York City. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| Oh, fuck that. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| But I'm not like a... | ||
| I maybe could have gotten talking to Skydiving Young. | ||
| Not a chance. | ||
| I've had some people try to talk me into it as an adult. | ||
| Bunchy jumping? | ||
| If my daughter's gotta tell the fucking story, if my daughter's gonna tell the story of her dad dying in a fucking... | ||
| Jerk off. | ||
| Brian Redband's dad was working at this place. | ||
| One of the people he's working with was a skydiver. | ||
| And always trying to get him to go, come on, come with us. | ||
| One day, goes to work. | ||
| They're not there. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| No. | ||
| Just didn't open. | ||
| didn't open. | ||
| That was a There was a thing called McCloskey on Netflix years ago. | ||
| Was it a documentary? | ||
| It was, in fact, a documentary about a... | ||
| And when he landed, he was being chased by the rangers and the cops to arrest him, and he went in the water with his parachute and everything, got caught up and died. | ||
| He drowned in the water, I believe. | ||
| Then they did a thing on the news, they did a, they were doing like a base jumping. | ||
| You know, for this guy, like, immortal of him. | ||
| Like, it was a demonstration. | ||
| It was like, it shouldn't be illegal. | ||
| So what they were doing was people were jumping, parachuting down, and when they landed, it was almost, like, organized. | ||
| The cops would then arrest them. | ||
| They were all getting arrested for doing it, but that was their protest, that we're all going to do it. | ||
| You're going to have to arrest us all. | ||
| And then while they're doing all that, just in the background, you just see someone go, just, like, way in the background. | ||
| Oh, God! | ||
| It's like, yes, this is why this is stupid! | ||
| Yeah, fuck all that. | ||
| I've never had any of that adventurous shit in me. | ||
| I've gone skiing, which I feel like is adventurous enough for me. | ||
| Killed a Kennedy and Sonny Bono. | ||
| But it's actually really dangerous, dude. | ||
| Skiing is like fucking wildly dangerous. | ||
| Just sometimes I was in Park City and you're just You're just going and going and going. | ||
| But there's times where I'm going to the edge, and all it takes is just a little less control, and you just fly off the edge of a thing, and you're done. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How do cars not go off up in the canyons in the ballet every year, like tons of them? | ||
| They do. | ||
| Constantly? | ||
| Isn't that how Tiger Woods crashed? | ||
| He went off one of those cliffs? | ||
| Isn't that what happened, Jamie? | ||
| No, not quite. | ||
| Not quite? | ||
| I thought he just hit a tree. | ||
| There was one guy who was tweeting, who was like a famous plastic surgeon. | ||
| He was like tweeting and they discovered that he was tweeting at the very same area where he fell off the fucking cliff. | ||
| So he was just like texting while he was driving and not paying attention. | ||
| He went off the side. | ||
| That's the most two in ten moment of my life when I'm going over those, like through the Hollywood Hills. | ||
| It's crazy that you're able to drive that close to, like, certain death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, well, how about the fucking drive up to San Francisco if you take the coast? | ||
| There's times where the left side of you is just cliff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's, like, famous places, like, in the world, like, in just other countries where, I mean, I've been to a few countries where you're driving, there's no rail, your tires are just, like, along the edge, like, almost hanging off. | ||
| It's fucking terrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking dumb other countries. | ||
| Oh man, there's some wild countries where the only way to get is these fucking rows through the mountains and sometimes there's boulders that fell in the way and you gotta move the fucking landslide and hope it doesn't hit you while you're driving. | ||
| It's amazing all the years of driving for comedy and how long I've driven. | ||
| Never seen a falling rock once. | ||
| Not once. | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| Science is falling rock. | ||
| Never seen a falling rock any time ever. | ||
| I've only seen it on the internet. | ||
| Never hit a deer? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You never hit one deer? | ||
| I was on a tour bus that hit a deer once. | ||
| That was pretty normal. | ||
| I hit a rabbit recently. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I tried, though. | ||
| Oh, did you? | ||
| No. | ||
| I thought you meant with your foot when you killed them both. | ||
| No, I did. | ||
| That actually happened to me recently. | ||
| I was moving my lawn furniture because my fucking mech And I'm moving it back, and I felt my foot go into the ground, and I heard beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. | ||
| And these baby bunnies jumped out of a bunny's nest, which apparently they're underground. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| And yeah, they fucking... | ||
| Piece of shit. | ||
| What a piece of shit, dude. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| They're just here trying to live the American dream, dude. | ||
| Yeah, the one jumped in my pool and went belly up, and I thought it was dead. | ||
| I scooped it out with a skewer, threw it in the garbage. | ||
| My girlfriend was like, "Are you sure it's dead?" I was like, "I'm positive it's dead." Did you try feeding her carrots? | ||
| She really did bring carrots out to these little broken bunnies. | ||
| I was like, "They don't want your carrots." Did they live? | ||
| Stop trying to what's up. | ||
| They did actually. | ||
| I thought they were going to die for sure. | ||
| Because I called... | ||
| It was on Memorial Day. | ||
| And I called like... | ||
| You should have glued their hands to their genitals and then hung them from something and be like, oh, another auto-asphyxiation gone wrong. | ||
| Great. | ||
| The guy from InXS, David Carradine, and now these rabbits? | ||
| So he either lived or a hawk came and got him eventually. | ||
| Do you think that some of those auto-asphyxiation guys were murdered and they were set up to be humiliated and look that way? | ||
| No, I think, yeah. | ||
| Do you see now that now they try to take the jerking off part away from all those stories. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many stories are you reading that are autoerotic asphyxiation tests? | ||
| None. | ||
| But he's watched a whole documentary on it. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm going to have my own documentary. | ||
| Soundgarden, jerked off to death. | ||
| Linkin Park, jerked off to death. | ||
| Anyone who hangs themselves? | ||
| You mean Chris Cornell? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't think he was jerking off to death, was he? | ||
| This is Jay's theory. | ||
| Is this a theory? | ||
| It's a strong theory. | ||
| Did you make it yourself? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| There's no evidence. | ||
| There's no evidence. | ||
| You don't hang yourself from a fucking doorknob that low when you're not trying to... | ||
| 100%? | ||
| They pass out. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Yes, 100%. | ||
| You heard it here first. | ||
| Robin Williams. | ||
| Robin Williams, they said, put a note, but again, I think now the fact... | ||
| That made news they died from that. | ||
| How good could it possibly feel? | ||
| You ever get choked during sex? | ||
| I've had people call in. | ||
| To get choked out, like, while you're nuttin'. | ||
| I've heard people call in. | ||
| It's probably pretty good, dude. | ||
| People say it mimics, a lot of times, former addicts do it, because it mimics the feeling of the high of heroin. | ||
| That's what they said. | ||
| But that's just people who've called in to say that. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Because Michael Hutchinson and David, when you think of their name, before you think of even NXS or any of the songs, you're like, oh yeah, he died. | ||
| Jerking off. | ||
| David Carradine and all those movies. | ||
| Died jerking off. | ||
| So now, they'd rather have you think they were just depressed and going through it than saying that because that's all you're going to be known for now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's probably pretty great. | ||
| It's not a bad theory if the family can hide that information. | ||
| Wouldn't you? | ||
| Isn't it important that he was jerking off? | ||
| He killed himself. | ||
| The world doesn't need to know he was jerking off while he killed himself. | ||
| Well, you'd rather feel that it was on purpose because he was desperate and sad than he was such a weirdo that he had to jerk off and hang himself from a fucking doorknob. | ||
| I heard there's a conspiracy involving the David Carradine one. | ||
| I think David Carradine had run afoul with some shady characters. | ||
| Yeah, five Venoms, dude. | ||
| I think it was in Thailand. | ||
| Wasn't it in Thailand or something like that? | ||
| He's actually Kung Fu. | ||
| Is there a conspiracy theory? | ||
| We should call Sam Tripoli. | ||
| He roamed the earth bringing HPV to foreign lands. | ||
| He was Kung Fu when I was a kid. | ||
| When I was a little kid, he was the guy that was doing martial arts on TV. | ||
| Hi Chang Kane. | ||
| Everybody called everybody Grasshopper back then. | ||
| Yeah, but getting choked while you have sex rules. | ||
| All right, bring it back up. | ||
| I guess we'll talk about it. | ||
| He's hanging on it. | ||
| David Carradine was wearing fishnet stockings and a dark wig when his body was found hanging in a Bangkok hotel room. | ||
| Grainy images printed in the tabloid, Ty Rath, reportedly show kung fu actors suspended from a clothing bar in a closet. | ||
| Red woman's lingerie appears to be in the bed adjacent to the body. | ||
| Oh, this is somebody who hated him. | ||
| Yeah, this might be, right? | ||
| How would one do that to themselves? | ||
| Sorrid details of Kill Bill Starr's sexual life began to surface as the photos generated more questions about the actress' mysterious death. | ||
| That seems like you couldn't do that yourself, unless you're really, really ingenious. | ||
| How do you, how do you bound, it says hands bound above his head. | ||
| How you do that? | ||
| And a rope around your neck, wrist, and genitals. | ||
| You need a really cool friend. | ||
| How are you doing that? | ||
| One-inch punch. | ||
| One-inch punch, dude. | ||
| Are you pulling it tight with your hands? | ||
| What? | ||
| Okay, yeah, let's fuck that. | ||
| It's starting to get carried away. | ||
| It's starting to look real gross. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of accusations involving. | ||
| He's giving his wiener the old five-finger death punch, but I mean if what are the like standards of like a Do they really want to investigate? | ||
| They probably just gotta kill themselves. | ||
| I don't want to touch that. | ||
| It's icky. | ||
| How is it auto-erotic asphyxiation if his hands are tied up, too, above his head? | ||
| That's the weird thing. | ||
| I never saw that before. | ||
| Those hands were above his head. | ||
| That sounds like he got killed. | ||
| That sounds like somebody walked away. | ||
| Well, it's one of those things that might have gotten carried away and somebody just left because they were like, whoop, he's dead. | ||
| Maybe a lady was giving him head and then he came and then blacked out and she couldn't get him off the ropes. | ||
| Just fucking booted out of there. | ||
| Not like Lincoln Park and Soundgarden, who are just jerking to each other's music. | ||
| I think some of them are just depressed, dude. | ||
| Bourdain was just depressed. | ||
| But who hangs? | ||
| There's so many faster ways to take care of the situation. | ||
| They don't have anything around them other than a rope, and it's an impulsive decision. | ||
| And it's also like a romantic way to kill yourself. | ||
| It's like, who's got rope? | ||
| I got rope in my garage. | ||
| You need cord. | ||
| Your jizz sock from all your auto-erotic disassociation? | ||
| The guy that was connected to the Clintons that hung himself with an electrical cord and then shot himself in the chest with a shotgun? | ||
| From 40 yards away? | ||
| Yeah, it looks a little sus, as the kids like to say. | ||
| If you had to kill yourself, Joe, how would you kill yourself? | ||
| If you had to. | ||
| Well, gun is definitely the best way, right? | ||
| Because it's quick. | ||
| What if you shoot like your front lobe off? | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Put it in your mouth like a real man. | ||
| That was the fucking Richard Jennings. | ||
| And then choke yourself. | ||
| He missed. | ||
| Yeah, he missed. | ||
| And died later. | ||
| Yeah, he died in the hospital. | ||
| That'd be my biggest fear is like shooting, like just angling it wrong and then just... | ||
| He just took off the front of his face and was blind and lived. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Life is now worse. | ||
| Richard Jennings takes his life. | ||
| Dave Coulier never even tried to take his own life. | ||
| Richard Jennings was funny. | ||
| Very funny. | ||
| Back in the day, he was the fucking man. | ||
| He was depressed that he never wound up being a movie star. | ||
| He wanted to be the next Jim Carrey, you know? | ||
| He did. | ||
| Yeah, he got close with the mask, and they said it just made him more bummed. | ||
| It's crazy, because he's like, to us, all the comics back then, he was the guy, you know? | ||
| Well, he was on all those shows. | ||
| Were you doing comedy at a time? | ||
| Do you have performances on like A-List and Stand-Up Spotlight or VH1? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did a bunch of those. | |
| Yeah, I did a bunch of those. | ||
| Caroline's Comedy Hour was a biggie? | ||
| Yeah, I did that. | ||
| I did MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. | ||
| That was Paulie, right? | ||
| No, that was Paulie. | ||
| It was totally Paulie. | ||
| MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour was another show they would do. | ||
| You know, do like 10 minutes or something. | ||
| I forget what the time was. | ||
| VH1 did one of those with Rosie O'Donnell kind of hosted them or something. | ||
| Yep, yep, yep. | ||
| It seemed like it was a pretty fun time in comedy. | ||
| Comedy was pretty polluted with, like, a lot of same old, same old at the time. | ||
| But, I mean, like, what a time to kind of, like... | ||
| he couldn't get a grasp on like the change that I was experiencing that he because he was kind of like And I'd go, absolutely. | ||
| And you go, aren't you headlining this place yet? | ||
| It doesn't work like that anymore. | ||
| Because he's from a time where they said if you got an hour of comedy together, then you... | ||
| Well, Dave was way out of his time. | ||
| tour that hour of comedy. | ||
| You need a place to book you. | ||
| Well, Dave, before, I mean, back when I started, this is 21 years ago, people would just have their act. | ||
| Do you remember Seinfeld's documentary where he was like, he's like, I'm going to get rid of my act after 20 years and have a new hour. | ||
| It's like, that's what everyone does now. | ||
| The standard of comedy has changed so much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I feel like Attell was always like that. | ||
| He would turn over. | ||
| He was very prolific. | ||
| No, no, no, for sure. | ||
| I'm saying he didn't get that change that now you have to be able to sell tickets. | ||
| Right. | ||
| To get both places first. | ||
| It wasn't just like, well, you're one of the comics who has an hour in the country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There was a time when it was that. | ||
| It was like these guys just, I think it was like the two coasts, really, was all of it. | ||
| You know I mean none of the internet I think really opened it up to the rest of the country and it's like saturation Yeah, you used to be able to go to clubs and build a market So you just keep returning you turn like once a year and after a few years people come to see you like oh big J's coming He's really funny last time San Fran punchline Stress Factory or maybe two of the only clubs that really I know there's more oh the Providence comedy connection let me go there and Have enjoyed watching it be like, you know, giving me a couple hundred dollars for a weekend to change over the years. | ||
| I remember I opened for you, you made $600 for the weekend as the headliner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they give you a chance. | ||
| And if you're good, and they know you're good, and they give you a chance, the people trust them, because they've got a long history of booking good comedy. | ||
| It's like, who's this guy? | ||
| Is he good? | ||
| Ah, let's take a chance. | ||
| Right, but places got afraid. | ||
| I remember that hurt so much. | ||
| I opened for Steve-O when he first started doing comedy. | ||
| And I'd done DC Improv with the Tail and stuff before, and I did that weekend. | ||
| I hate when you go hat in hand to places and you get bad news. | ||
| I remember going to the booker there, who was someone who's so friendly to me now, and she's great, but it was so hard. | ||
| I go, hey, I'd love to come back and headline, even like on an off weekend, what people don't want to do, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, whatever. | ||
| And she goes, yeah, I'd love to, but you don't sell any tickets. | ||
| So it's all about selling tickets. | ||
| And she's like, I kind of laid it out like that. | ||
| And I just thought, I was like, well, how do you... | ||
| Making that happen. | ||
| It's pretty when we started like Legion of Skanks and stuff Yeah podcasting sort of created an opportunity for comics to the best Yeah. | ||
| Build an audience. | ||
| People, they know us. | ||
| They feel like they're really like sitting here with us. | ||
| Well, they really are, right? | ||
| And we talk like this if we were in the green room. | ||
| The difference between podcasts and everything else is we're really talking just the way we talk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Everyone also gets mad, too, at, like... | ||
| I've learned also to stop having that, because people get too much wrapped into that. | ||
| Like, there's a social media comic. | ||
| Or there's a whatever. | ||
| Buddy, I don't know. | ||
| My ex-wife does comedy, and people ask me, like, are you mad that she does comedy? | ||
| I can't judge why anybody gets involved in it. | ||
| I got involved in it because somebody suggested it to me. | ||
| It's crazy to even want to. | ||
| To care. | ||
| Like, who gives a fuck? | ||
| It's like, why'd you do that? | ||
| He goes, oh, because I was having funny tweets, so I figured I'd give it a shot. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| It seems like a good enough reason as anybody else starts. | ||
| The first decade, you don't even... | ||
| Like, what is the path to, like, even making money? | ||
| You're just doing it blindly, going, like, I hope something happens eventually. | ||
| People get mad because I think there is a path now to making money very quick, and people are doing it. | ||
| And so it's that, it's the Howard Stern used to shit on, it was that famous thing with him and Ari, shit on the idea of podcasts. | ||
| But when people were shitty about that, I always understood his anger, at least, I don't agree with it, but I understand when he did the AM rate. | ||
| Well, his anger didn't make sense because he was already super famous. | ||
| No, but his argument was saying, I had to do AM shift, 2 AM to 6 AM, in this shitty town, and I had to do this, and I played music until they realized it would be better to let me talk 10 years later. | ||
| And he went through all that. | ||
| It's just like, well, you could flip on a switch, and if you have an audience already, or connected to somebody who has an audience, like... | ||
| Like, you're just doing it now. | ||
| Well, also the difference is we all hang out with each other and do each other's podcasts, whereas those radio guys all fucking hated each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like Howard Stern, Hideo, and Anthony. | ||
| Yeah, they would talk shit about each other all the time. | ||
| Obi-Anthony used to have, what was it, Jocktober? | ||
| Jocktober. | ||
| Where they would just find shitty radio shows and they would have their fans torture them for an entire month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Oh, so funny. | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| Fucking brutal. | ||
| Cutthroat. | ||
| Yeah, Cutthroat. | ||
| Podcast doesn't have to be. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It could only be the one big radio guy in Philly, you know? | ||
| And if Stern was coming into Philly, and if they were gonna open up like a syndication thing, he was gonna talk crazy shit on the big guy in Philly, whoever it was, or whatever city it was. | ||
| I do feel it's interesting watching, I wonder if this happens with every generation. | ||
| The comedy dollar gets stretched though, 'cause it is kind of funny. | ||
| Not that it necessarily hurt. | ||
| I think the, now with like having these kind of like, I'm opening for Shane at some of these arenas and stuff, it's amazing. | ||
| He's getting like 18, 20 some thousand people into these places and doing it. | ||
| One, that's very difficult to think of new jokes when you're doing comedy like that all the time. | ||
| Well, you do clubs. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| No, I do clubs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have to. | |
| No, but I mean you have to. | ||
| Like a Shane will do clubs. | ||
| Oh, no, for sure. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I'm just saying a ticket to see someone in an arena, it's before they'd be able to see everyone they loved was coming through the improv or whatever, and then a couple were doing theaters. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, now it's like, it's a fucking night out at, like, a sporting event to go see comedy, where it's like, they might not have the money next week to go see... | ||
| I think it has changed. | ||
| It's interesting in that way. | ||
| Well, there's some people that just don't want to spend that kind of money to go to an arena anyway, and they'd rather go see someone in a club. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's a better experience. | ||
| That's how comedy is supposed to be. | ||
| The best experience, though, in an arena is in the round. | ||
| That's how Shane does it. | ||
| It's like a giant club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's nuts. | |
| It's like a giant club. | ||
| Because the people on this side are watching the people on that side laugh, and you're all laughing at each other. | ||
| It's very intimate, weirdly, even though there's like 16,000 people. | ||
| The only comedy I don't love at all... | ||
| Theaters is impersonal from the crowd enough and also personal enough that you could still do bad. | ||
| They could turn on you at theater, possibly, if you're not the person they're there to see. | ||
| Or even if, you know what I mean? | ||
| There was like a Nick Swardson thing where they turned on him. | ||
| Well, he was lit on edibles. | ||
| He couldn't remember what the fuck he was talking about. | ||
| They weren't with him no matter what. | ||
| They did turn on him. | ||
| Something about the arena, and again, Shane's doing an hour at these things, which is impressive as hell. | ||
| For the 20 minutes I have to do, it's like, how could this go bad? | ||
| Like, it's just, if anyone's laughing in there, it sounds like a million people laughing. | ||
| Well, Shane had a guy open for him. | ||
| I don't want to trash the guy. | ||
| I heard it was a sound issue, though. | ||
| But he just like, dude, he just started getting booed. | ||
| Dude, getting booed out of an arena is crazy. | ||
| I mean, you have to feel like... | ||
| I've seen it on Kill Tony. | ||
| It happened to a comic. | ||
| Kill Tony arena shows too. | ||
| Somebody will do two jokes in a row that bomb and then the crowds like fuck this guy and then it's almost fun. | ||
| I think it's because people are in that environment. | ||
| They think it's fun to do it. | ||
| How about T.J. when T.I. got booed at something when he was doing comedy like at a big arena? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, it wasn't, you know, it didn't have it tight. | ||
| No, he sure didn't. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't just jump into, you know. | ||
| But you can just lose himself. | ||
| Damien Lemon, very, very funny comic. | ||
| He did like the Hot 97. Summer Jam comedy thing and like they turned on him hard and when it turns, it turns. | ||
| Or the most famous one of all, Bill Burr on the Traveling Virus Tour, Opie and Anthony back in the day in Philly. | ||
| Well, that's because they had turned on Dom Herrera before. | ||
| Yeah, and then he came out and he said, fuck this crowd and he spent 15 minutes just shitting. | ||
| It's one of the most beautiful moments. | ||
| Legendary. | ||
| Legendary moments in comedy. | ||
| I'm from Philly and it's one of my favorite lines ever about Philly that is indicative of that town that I love. | ||
| He says, Joe Frazier's from here who beat Muhammad Ali. | ||
| No statues to him, no nothing. | ||
| And you have a statue of a fictitious Italian heavyweight. | ||
| He's like, you piece of shit threw batteries at Santa Claus. | ||
| Fuck this town. | ||
| That's a classic. | ||
| And he kept rattling off, seven more minutes. | ||
| I know that's funny. | ||
| He had to quit that tour because everywhere he went then, they would start booing him because they'd be like, do Cleveland now. | ||
| Yeah, that was like that was like this before viral videos were happening like that, right? | ||
| It was such shitty grainy footage But that's when I I mean maybe my first year in comedy that happened a couple years in and you just seeing that and it's like It's such a comics moment where you're like yes, just fucking well It's a big pin. | ||
| It's a big moment to have in comedy I said a few of them when you when silence doesn't scare you anymore Or just the mo just I could talk into a microphone especially for 15 minutes Under any circumstance, you know, I mean like it'll suck If it's terrible, they're already booing. | ||
| Go out in the very beginning, there's no one there. | ||
| But, like, I'm not afraid of the moment. | ||
| That's a big thing to get over, and that's what, you know, being scared for the moment. | ||
| That's why I said Duel overseas the first time. | ||
| I was like, do they even understand English here in England? | ||
| The first five minutes, if you're doing a headlining set that's not going well, and you're like, oh, fuck, it's going to be another hour. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Are you a long time guy or do you try to do like when you headline something? | ||
| I do an hour. | ||
| An hour. | ||
| Yeah, especially if I'm on the road. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Always. | ||
| I don't really have an hour right now, so I'm, like, putting it together. | ||
| I think last night I did 50 minutes. | ||
| You know, and, like, some of it I keep forgetting my new stuff. | ||
| You know, it's a lot of new stuff because it's all since August. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You know, and I took a couple months off where I wasn't doing stand-up at all. | ||
| I was like, let me just refresh my brain. | ||
| And then I hopped on, started doing other people's shows. | ||
| Then I had some old bits that I'd never put on the special, and I started bringing them back and piecing it together. | ||
| It's like you gotta have a real set before you take that bitch on the road. | ||
| You can't think you could have like a club 45 minutes and go do an arena. | ||
| Oh, for an arena, for sure. | ||
| You gotta have a real set. | ||
| I work out in the clubs on the road. | ||
| Have to. | ||
| Particularly. | ||
| Burr said that back in the day. | ||
| It's almost preparing for a special, really. | ||
| Burr said that back in the day. | ||
| We were just talking about someone special. | ||
| It's like, he didn't do the clubs. | ||
| And he's like, he's right. | ||
| Like, this person, like, some persons, they start doing theaters, big theaters, and they do real well, and they just keep doing that only. | ||
| Same opening act every time. | ||
| Crowd wants to see them. | ||
| And you develop, like, a soft act. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| Yeah, not good. | ||
| You need clubs, man. | ||
| Yeah, but Austin's great for that as well. | ||
| So what you did down here is you've cultivated like, New York and LA, they don't really, like, if you're just going on a random pop-in set at the stand or the cellar or the comedy store into some random show and they don't know who you are, you start doing fucked up shit, they get very tight. | ||
| Very tight. | ||
| Like, down here, like, you go in the main room of the mothership or at the creek, I mean, these, they're comedy fans. | ||
| They're, like, legit. | ||
| It's become like a comedy destination, kind of how people go to New Orleans for jazz. | ||
| Well, this town doesn't seem to feel like it has the same responsibilities They want to let you know that you're out of line. | ||
| They don't want you talking about a certain subject. | ||
| Did you think there was gonna be when you opened the club did you like foresee the dissension and stuff that happens just within the scene? | ||
| The people that don't work there bitching about this for this reason and the people who... | ||
| And everyone goes, they got in there because of this, and I met in there because of this. | ||
| They have a walled garden perspective. | ||
| You see a bunch of people having a good time, and you're not involved. | ||
| Fuck those people. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| It's a natural reaction that people have to this intimate community of people that are all friends that are having a great time. | ||
| It's normal to hate it. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not all wild comedy. | ||
| There's a lot of, like, really clean comics that come here that kill. | ||
| Like, Vecchione is fucking pretty clean. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He's squeaky clean sometimes. | ||
| Yeah, he's on Nate's. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| He's like Nate's guy, so yeah. | ||
| And murders at the club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a beast. | |
| He's a beast. | ||
| But it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's just funny. | ||
| It's just whatever kind of funny you're into. | ||
| Holtzman comes and destroys. | ||
| I'm not even saying the booking is one-dimensional anyway. | ||
| I'm just saying that... | ||
| You can. | ||
| Did you even foresee there'd be comics that were going to... | ||
| I don't hear about them. | ||
| You stay away. | ||
| I guess it doesn't make its way to you. | ||
| They wouldn't. | ||
| That'd be stupid. | ||
| You're gonna have people that complain about anything that they're not involved in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| They're gonna decide it sucks. | ||
| Like, how could it suck if you've got two days of open mics? | ||
| How could it suck if the comics get paid more than anywhere else? | ||
| How could it suck if it's entirely set up for comedy? | ||
| How could it suck if it's super supportive of the comedians and gives them a path? | ||
| What is the path for the young comic in Mothership? | ||
| Well, there's a real talent coordinator. | ||
| Adam E gets a real talent coordinator. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| He sits there and he watches your set. | ||
| He gives you advice. | ||
| He'll have you come back and do it again. | ||
| He'll give you spots on certain shows. | ||
| They start developing comedians. | ||
| And it's like anything else, like, you know, this business is about being likable and getting people to want to watch you succeed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where it's like, you'll get your opportunity if you fucking, if all the other comics are like, yo, this guy's funny, you should take a look at him. | ||
| I've seen that happen directly. | ||
| Can I get the lighter again? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, we have it set up for development. | ||
| Like, the whole idea is, like, you want to develop new talent there. | ||
| And Kill Tony's the best vehicle for that ever. | ||
| You know, if you have a banger minute on Kill Tony, you could become a fucking star. | ||
| And if you could reproduce that every week... | ||
| Kind of crazy that some of them have to do that. | ||
| It's an incredible writing exercise. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| The advice that I would have given a young comic 15 years ago, I was a young comic at the time too, but I would be like, do not be on camera for the first decade that you do comedy. | ||
| Develop and act first. | ||
| But now a lot of these guys, they have the opportunity. | ||
| But can it be detrimental if you really eat shit on it? | ||
| And you're like a three-year comic. | ||
| I don't think people remember people bombing on Kill Tony where it'll be detrimental to your career. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| But, you know, it could not be if you bounce back and have a great set the next time and the people love you. | ||
| I've seen that happen too. | ||
| Look, you're taking a risk when you're doing a new minute every week. | ||
| There's a real possibility you might have a dud. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, especially if you're new to the game. | ||
| You've only been doing it four years. | ||
| You've got some talent, but, you know. | ||
| I genuinely don't know. | ||
| It's an interesting thing. | ||
| When I had to do it, essentially at Yeah. | ||
| You guys were there. | ||
| It's an interesting thing. | ||
| They try to whittle down in your head like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| Just a minute, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but they were all pumped to see you, so it was easier. | ||
| No, of course. | ||
| That's that arena atmosphere, too. | ||
| It's our game to lose. | ||
| The Garden, I think, was the best Arena Kill Tony show. | ||
| Oh, it was amazing. | ||
| It was like, it was really cool. | ||
| I went both nights and whatever it was, Nobody got booed. | ||
| There was no problems. | ||
| Super supportive. | ||
| Super supportive. | ||
| Well, some people got booed. | ||
| There's some people that bombed. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A couple people bombed. | ||
| I think someone went right before me. | ||
| Yeah, a couple people bombed. | ||
| Look, it's fucking hard to do, man. | ||
| And it's fun to watch someone just go out there and fail sometimes. | ||
| Oh, it's very, very fun. | ||
| It makes the people that succeed look better. | ||
| When I do Kill Tony as a panelist, I love watching somebody bomb. | ||
| It's my favorite thing, because then you just trash them, you get to fucking make fun of them. | ||
| I thought that's when we started doing the show. | ||
| I've been a panelist on Kill Tony, I think I might have the number one amount of times, like 25 times I've been a panelist. | ||
| When we started doing it back in the day in the Comedy Store, in the belly room, The most fun we would have is when somebody just had a hot one and then we would just fucking trash them. | ||
| It became way more supportive now. | ||
| The whole show format is really like Tony trying to put guys over. | ||
| But back in the day, we were just mean. | ||
| It was just like a mean, evil fucking thing. | ||
| It evolved. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| It evolved. | ||
| Those belly room days were wild. | ||
| Because half the crowd would be like comics. | ||
| There was no one there. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| But he kept doing it. | ||
| I mean, he fucking did it over and over and over again until he honed that motherfucker down like a samurai sword. | ||
| No, I'm super impressed with it. | ||
| Like, you know, Tony's the man, but that show itself is like... | ||
| I think it's inspiration for like Story Wars, you know? | ||
| It's a very different show. | ||
| It's just the idea of the live. | ||
| The format. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Skanks has always been a live show, but the development of Story War has been very, like, We literally just set the table and then play. | ||
| And it's like we don't have to really do much. | ||
| When you're on a podcast like this or like Skanks, you have to actually kind of like... | ||
| We do a game show that we created, and it's just super formatted. | ||
| So it's just kind of easy to just... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you guys, by doing Legion of Skanks, just by the name itself, it opened up the door to wild comedy. | ||
| Because it's like, you know what you're getting into. | ||
| The show's called Legion of Skanks. | ||
| Well, this was a brilliant idea that Jay had. | ||
| like our secondary tagline is the most offensive podcast on earth, and it's not, there's more offensive podcasts, but it lets people, I think that's the reason we've never gotten in trouble, is because you know exactly what you're gonna get. | ||
| Why would you watch this if you don't watch the most offensive podcast? | ||
| You look like an idiot if you start complaining about it. | ||
| Adam Kroll had a great analogy about it when he did our show. | ||
| He was like, this is why you guys get away with it. | ||
| He's like, when Snoop Dogg goes to the Grammys, Snoop Dogg And nobody's like, you can't smoke back here. | ||
| It's like, you invited Snoop Dogg. | ||
| You know what the fuck you're going to get, right? | ||
| And it's the same thing with us. | ||
| I think people know what they're going to get with us. | ||
| We sort of play and have fun and do our thing. | ||
| Well, you give an avenue for comedians that's like where people know what they're going to get. | ||
| And obviously people flock to it. | ||
| I mean, Skankfest sells out immediately. | ||
| It's because people love the vibe. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's just fun. | ||
| We're not here to take ourselves seriously. | ||
| Also, broadcasting has done something for comedy. | ||
| It's pretty amazing that I think broadcasters, like the Howard Sterns, they had that all the time. | ||
| It's very interesting when you meet the people. | ||
| They know you, inside and out. | ||
| They know the time you tell a story about the thing you fear the most, and they know whatever. | ||
| I'd get used to stuff like that, where they'd be like, hey, is your daughter picking a college? | ||
| And you go, what the fuck? | ||
| And you're like, oh, I guess I talked about that on the radio this week. | ||
| So it's interesting. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You can forget that there's an audience out there sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you forget sometimes the things you say have weight to them, you know? | ||
| No, absolutely. | ||
| We found out the hard way. | ||
| When we started out, who knew what this was going to happen when we started Legion of Skanks? | ||
| We started Legion of Skanks pretty early podcast times. | ||
| 14 years ago? | ||
| Don't you think even now sometimes you say things, you're like, gosh, I shouldn't have said that. | ||
| I don't unless it's about a person. | ||
| Sometimes it's about people. | ||
| That's what we learned. | ||
| We learned to stop making fun of retarded children on the internet. | ||
| Because they have families. | ||
| Well, we do sometimes. | ||
| But I've had to apologize to multiple families of mentally handicapped people. | ||
| Because we've done bits on the show. | ||
| And I mean, they would come to me and be like, what is wrong with you? | ||
| just like a child that has like Down syndrome we're like It was funny. | ||
| Didn't that happen? | ||
| Didn't someone say to you that they were kidding? | ||
| Well, no, twice now that happened. | ||
| And both times I ended up becoming very friendly with the family. | ||
| They came out to see me at shows. | ||
| They brought the kid. | ||
| Now he's your burden. | ||
| The problem is you're saying things with your friends, like you would normally say. | ||
| But then you don't realize. | ||
| Ron Banking calls it corner talk. | ||
| Corner talk with the guy. | ||
| But there's a real person on the end of these stories sometimes. | ||
| And that's the thing. | ||
| The only thing that's changed is I think in the beginning we would just say whatever. | ||
| There'd be a silly story. | ||
| And now I'm going like, well, all right, is this person going to hear this? | ||
| And it's just a normal person who's like, Their parents are raising a special needs kid. | ||
| It's a tough enough life as it is. | ||
| Buddy, I felt terrible. | ||
| Last time I came in here, when you talked about it, I was like, hey, you know, there's that video going around of that girl freaking out. | ||
| And I was just going like, yeah, it's just like, she wasn't ready for this moment, but I went through, didn't say the name on purpose. | ||
| And there's so many videos on the internet that are like, I'm like, no, it's not what I did. | ||
| Well, sometimes you say things because you're just talking, and then you realize, God, that other person's going to hear that. | ||
| I did that recently, and I'd like to apologize to this guy. | ||
| There's this guy named Flint Dibble, who's an archaeologist, and I said, He attacks other archaeologists like Graham Hancock and he says some terrible things, but what I did was very counterproductive. | ||
| What I said was like these weak bitchy men and I named him. | ||
| And then he tweeted about it. | ||
| He said I have stage 4 cancer and I'm like fucking forgot he had cancer. | ||
| I didn't mean him physically. | ||
| I meant his behavior, but it made me feel bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to tell him I was wrong. | |
| What I said I shouldn't have said. | ||
| Sometimes I say things and I just think I'm talking with friends. | ||
| And I realize it's gonna hurt someone's feelings on the other end. | ||
| And it's counterproductive. | ||
| I'm doing the exact thing I'm accusing him of doing. | ||
| He's attacking other people. | ||
| I'm attacking him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's stupid. | |
| And we can be funny with anything. | ||
| I was talking to an archaeologist. | ||
| I got angry at this process that sometimes, like, established archaeologists are attacking these people who have legitimate ideas. | ||
| but I shouldn't have done it that way. | ||
| Like, archaeology is your one passion? | ||
| No, it's like, I talk about a lot of different things, but I talk... | ||
| It just it comes normal like fuck that idiot, you know like it comes out sure and you go Yeah, shouldn't have you know, we do that all the time you get loose you get a little too Comfortable well I tell you also that's the smart move I said that Howard Stern did years ago That I'm trying to get better at and do when you think something's ridiculous praise it And then use it, and you can show everybody without having to make fun of it. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| To make fun of themselves. | ||
| Yeah, you can definitely do that. | ||
| Well, I do that sometimes when I'm questioning people, and I know they're not telling me the truth. | ||
| And I'll say, wait a minute, so what you're saying is, and so I don't even have to, like, say, that's ridiculous, that's fucking bullshit. | ||
| I just let the internet have it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, Epstein didn't kill himself? | ||
| You know, like, that kind of a deal? | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| You know, like, let the internet deal with this. | ||
| I'm not gonna deal with this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is like, I could only be so pushy. | |
| You know, when people don't want to talk about a specific thing or want to give you an answer that you think is pretty much gaslighting you. | ||
| You're like, okay. | ||
| So that's a real UFO? | ||
| Alright. | ||
| You know, I have people coming here all the time that I know are bullshitting me. | ||
| I know they are. | ||
| Like, I feel it, you know, and sometimes it's just like, alright, what are you gonna do? | ||
| You'll call them sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| But, like, sometimes I don't know. | ||
| Who was the guy years ago you had an argument with, but again, sometimes when vernacular causes the problem, I feel like at the time you were just, like, in a rhythm of saying the word bitch at the end of a sentence a lot, and you said something, you go, you're like, come on, bitch! | ||
| you can't think that way, bitch. | ||
| Who was that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it Crowder? | |
| Oh, yeah, that's right. | ||
| It was a weed conversation. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I thought I was talking to him like a comedian. | ||
| He would just go along with it, and he got genuinely offended. | ||
| He was like, keep calling me a bitch. | ||
| I feel like you're bullying me. | ||
| Yeah, we said we were bullying him because we were researching information live that was countering what he was saying, and he didn't have access to it. | ||
| I was like, all right. | ||
| You know. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| So he's being a real bitch. | ||
| I was trying to be a good host, and I wasn't. | ||
| And I was being too, like, a comic. | ||
| Like, I could talk to you that way, and we would have fun. | ||
| I could talk to you that way, and we would have fun. | ||
| He wasn't, he was a little serious. | ||
| Shit, you can call those a bitch all day. | ||
| That's the problem, some people just get Some people just get serious, and you don't realize they're serious. | ||
| Like, oh, you're serious. | ||
| Like, you're really upset. | ||
| Because we're so used to talking shit. | ||
| It's so normal. | ||
| When people talk shit about me, I'm like, eh, I would do that. | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| You're too famous to not. | ||
| You can't get offended. | ||
| You're so big at this point that it's just part of the territory. | ||
| That's part of the problem with saying things like about that Flint Dibble guy. | ||
| You don't think about it while you're saying it. | ||
| You're saying it to millions of people. | ||
| It's not just talking, you know, and you're like, That guy's a dumb idiot. | ||
| I genuinely felt bad. | ||
| My raptor bone. | ||
| But it's like, I actually didn't have a bad time talking to him. | ||
| We had to confront him on this one thing because he accused Graham Hancock of being attached to white supremacy and this weird thing about Atlantis. | ||
| Like, how does that have anything? | ||
| And he tried to deny it, and we pulled up the quote that he did. | ||
| Because Hancock says, no blacks in Atlantis. | ||
| No, this is like this thing that these people do when they try to discredit things, like certain academics will do. | ||
| or they'll connect what you're doing to racism or homophobia. | ||
| They'll just try to like, | ||
| What do you think Atlantis is? | ||
| You think they get in the water? | ||
| Oh, isn't it the underwater land of Atlantis? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| What an idiot, right? | ||
| I didn't think that either, Joe. | ||
| What are we talking about? | ||
| The Bahamas? | ||
| Atlantis, they believe, was this structure. | ||
| There was a series of concentric circles that had like a lake running through it. | ||
| And this is another one of those things that archaeologists will argue about. | ||
| Because this thing looks like Atlantis. | ||
| And there's this guy named Jimmy Corsetti and he gets labeled a Nazi for talking about it. | ||
| It's like weird stuff, man, where they try to make you look like you're racist for pursuing this idea. | ||
| I don't totally understand it. | ||
| You're defending racism. | ||
| You're defending racism. | ||
| It becomes this whole stupid argument that nobody really believes and it only exists on the internet. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Nobody in real life gives a shit. | ||
| In academia, they believe it. | ||
| And if they don't believe it, they use it as a tool. | ||
| And they'll use it as a tool to dismiss you. | ||
| But this is one of the things that came up during that topic, that when even archaeologists come up with a new timeline for things, where it throws the old history into a tizzy, they attack them. | ||
| Graham Hancock brought up this concept of Clovis first. | ||
| They used to think that the Clovis people, like 13,000 years ago, were the first people in North America. | ||
| This one guy found evidence of people that lived a long time ago and they fucking ruthlessly destroyed his career. | ||
| They attacked this guy. | ||
| It turned out he was right. | ||
| They found these footprints in White Sands, New Mexico. | ||
| They're 22,000 years old of human beings. | ||
| So they were probably living here even before that. | ||
| But they destroy people that come up with an idea that throws their expertise into question. | ||
| And that's what they're all doing with Graham Hancock. | ||
| What they do is he's pointing out that there's some real evidence that perhaps there was an advanced civilization that was thousands of years older than we think civilization started at. | ||
| No crime and only three-pointers. | ||
| Well, it is in Africa. | ||
| That's the fascinating thing. | ||
| It's all in Africa. | ||
| Egypt's in Africa, you know, this all this sub-Saharan stuff where they think the Richard structure It's crazy because the area, when you zoom out, looks like it was hit with a massive flood. | ||
| Like, everything looked like all water erosion. | ||
| Like, it was like massive amounts of water just destroyed the landscape. | ||
| It still looks like that today. | ||
| And it's in the exact same plate. | ||
| Like, the mountains are north of it. | ||
| The sea is below it. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| And that is like the size that Atlantis is described in, in Plato's recollections of it, or Plato's stories about it. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of debate about it, but the position that it's in and the weirdness of what it is makes a bunch of these ancient history guys that really believe in Atlantis, just like they really believed in Troy. | ||
| They thought Troy was mythical until they found it. | ||
| And then they're like, oh, geez, Troy was a real thing. | ||
| So there's a lot of these people that are – And they don't want anything to be dated older than what they've established and what they've taught in lectures. | ||
| Oh, because everything's wrong then? | ||
| Everything's wrong. | ||
| Well, everything is wrong. | ||
| There's weird stuff. | ||
| Like Lebanon. | ||
| Have you seen those fucking stones in Lebanon? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's these immense, I think they're called the Trillathon Stones or the Trillion Stones. | ||
| They're so fucking big. | ||
| How long ago? | ||
| And then there's older stuff. | ||
| There's stuff that's built on top of it. | ||
| Look at the size of these fucking stones. | ||
| I don't know if my flintstone theory works here, but I think it's a brontosaurus that a man is controlling. | ||
| Baalbek. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Look at the size of these fucking stones. | ||
| And if that one up in the top in the center, right to the right of that, Jamie? | ||
| That one. | ||
| So that shows you the size of these fucking stones that are in place. | ||
| Like if you put a person next to them, they'd be like, these are five meters high. | ||
| That's fucking bananas, man. | ||
| How many miles per hour is that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Five years, 25 feet. | ||
| So those are 25 feet high. | ||
| 15. Oh, sorry. | ||
| It's three. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| My math sucks, obviously. | ||
| But these stones weigh some fucking insane amount. | ||
| And there's no explanation. | ||
| Those cornerstones, that's all one giant piece. | ||
| And where? | ||
|
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How? | |
| How the fuck did you do that? | ||
| And there's a bunch of shit in Malta. | ||
| They found Neanderthal bones, so maybe Neanderthals were in Malta, and maybe the land bridge was connected. | ||
| There's all this confusion about the date of these ancient structures, because it seems like people built other structures on top of them. | ||
| And when they find stuff like this, there's this great resistance of anybody to try to say they don't understand it. | ||
| They always try to come up with some sort of an explanation, even when it doesn't make any fucking sense. | ||
| Wasn't the Coliseum, wasn't it completely underground at one point? | ||
| They discovered it? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| The Sphinx was underground. | ||
| but the head was above it, and then they cleared out the sand. | ||
| The Coliseum was... | ||
| I don't think it was underground. | ||
| No, the Coliseum has always been there. | ||
| But they did used to be able to get water in it. | ||
| They used to have water fights instead of boat fights. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Imagine watching people get eaten by lions in front of everybody. | ||
| Imagine what that was like. | ||
| Well, back then, you understand, they would have these games, and they would bring in, like, you know, they would have, like, hunts, and they would have, like, animal fights and shit like that. | ||
| But it's like, back then, to see a giraffe, it looked like an alien. | ||
| They had no idea. | ||
| They would bring in animals from Africa, like rhinoceros. | ||
| Yeah, these people didn't have YouTube. | ||
| They weren't traveling. | ||
| They had no idea. | ||
| It was literally like you were watching aliens fight. | ||
| Have you been in the Coliseum? | ||
| Yeah, it was incredible. | ||
| Did you see those things where they lift them up to the floor and the lines would pop out? | ||
| Underground, they have a whole pulley system where they have elevators and they would have slaves pulling people up. | ||
| It was a whole show. | ||
| It was a really cool thing. | ||
| I appreciate you seeing slaves lower. | ||
| If they had that right now. | ||
| If they had that right now, we would watch it. | ||
| If there's something on YouTube, like I've already seen, Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Harrington, Harrington. | ||
| He's like the Joe Rogan of night fighting. | ||
| That's so ridiculous, dude. | ||
|
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|
Yeah, shit. | |
| They hit each other with battle axes and shit. | ||
| Oh, a scepter strike to the leg. | ||
| But it's like, they look tough and then they take their helmets off and they're just fucking virgins. | ||
| It's like just these really nerdy fat dudes. | ||
| Preemptive balding people. | ||
| Some of them know how to fight, though. | ||
| They're MMA guys that are getting into it. | ||
| It's just another outlet. | ||
| Another outlet? | ||
| Part of the floor of the Coliseum was buried until the mid-19th century. | ||
| Oh, you were right. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| I knew, yeah. | ||
| I don't want to correct you. | ||
| The hypogemian floor lay buried under 40 feet of earth. | ||
| All memory of its function even existed. | ||
| Is that the floor that lifts up? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Yeah, the floor. | ||
| there was stuff sticking out of it. | ||
| And then they went and they, Like, all this shit. | ||
|
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|
Oh! | |
| All that was underground? | ||
| So did someone cover it up? | ||
| Did you go back to that description, Jamie? | ||
| Because I think it explained that someone covered it up. | ||
| Well, I mean, they destroyed most of Rome, so I'm sure it was part of it. | ||
| I wonder why they did that. | ||
| They were using all this shit for other stuff. | ||
| The tour that I did at the Coliseum was boring as shit. | ||
| Hey, Mussolini fixed it. | ||
| The guy wasn't all bad. | ||
| What were you saying, Jamie? | ||
| What'd you say? | ||
| They were using all the pieces of the city for construction or whatever else they were building, new stuff, you know. | ||
| Same with, like, the pyramids. | ||
| Oh, God, that's horrible. | ||
| They go, Mussolini, what a monster, I go. | ||
| Clean the floor of the Coliseum. | ||
| They did that with the pyramids. | ||
| They stole the fucking stones from the outside of it. | ||
| People are so gross. | ||
| Yeah, they're crazy. | ||
| Remember the Trevi Fallon a few years ago in Rome? | ||
| They poured black ink in it or something, just protesters. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| It was fucked up. | ||
| The Coliseum architects made changes to allow new methods of stagecraft. | ||
| Other changes were accidental. | ||
| Fire sparked by lightning in 217 AD, gutted the stadium, sent huge blocks of travertine plunging into the hypergeum. | ||
| What? | ||
| That whole area was so nuts, man. | ||
| 217? | ||
| How do they have those facts? | ||
| Coliseum was really cool. | ||
| I learned more about it. | ||
| I did a gladiator training program with my son. | ||
| It was a little place you went, and I learned so much about the Coliseum doing that, more than the tour. | ||
| The tour was boring as shit. | ||
| I went in August. | ||
| It was 110 degrees out. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| He's aggressively trying to make his son straight. | ||
| But that was a cool experience. | ||
| It's fucking cool as shit, man. | ||
| They didn't kill each other, the gladiators. | ||
| That's all, like, lore. | ||
| That's all lies. | ||
| Because it was, like, pro wrestlers. | ||
| If your gladiator killed another gladiator, the guy who owned that gladiator would have to pay. | ||
| The other guy who owned that Gladiator, they were all slaves. | ||
| It was all just show. | ||
| It was like pro wrestling. | ||
| They would cut each other, but they had big fat bellies so they wouldn't cut each other's organs. | ||
| They had to do it in a certain way. | ||
| It was all show. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It did happen once in a while, but that was more rare when you see an actual death. | ||
| So occasionally they would fight for real to the death? | ||
| Where did you get all this information? | ||
| From my Gladiator training program. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy's certified. | ||
| I mean, what are you gonna do? | ||
| Argue the guy? | ||
| The different weapons and the costumes they would wear and the type of armor they would wear. | ||
| There was like, you know, whatever, like, you know, a couple dozen different types of guys. | ||
| You'd be like, oh, that's the guy with the fucking mace and a certain helmet. | ||
| And it was free as well. | ||
| All the people in Rome, there wasn't a ticket price. | ||
| The government would sponsor it, so it was just to get people, like, you know, keep them happy. | ||
| Fucking, the richer you were, the closer you were, like all the peasants would be up in the rafters. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So the movie Gladiators bullshit? | ||
| Is that what you're trying to tell me? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of it's bullshit. | ||
| There was no thumbs down, thumbs up. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Common misconception that gladiators always fought to the death. | ||
| The winner survived and the loser died. | ||
| Very rarely, and usually with special dispensation from the emperor, would there be sign miso battles, which automatically meant death for the loser, with no chance of being spared. | ||
| So occasionally they died. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very rarely. | ||
| They died. | ||
| But they were like celebrities. | ||
| Like the Gladiators would come out and they were like, Some historians say, wait a minute, one in five died in battle. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| Others say one in ten. | ||
| Most only lived to their mid-twenties, which compared to today's house. | ||
| Well, they would die of their injuries very often. | ||
| It wasn't like it was flight to the death. | ||
| They just didn't have medicine. | ||
| Like, yeah, they would get stabbed and infected. | ||
| But gladiator two was right, though, right? | ||
| But that, I mean, when he's talking about the water, they would fill it up with water and have boat fights. | ||
| That was a real thing in Gladiator 2. Oh, I see. | ||
| No, I'm bummed out. | ||
| I thought they really fought to the death. | ||
| Like, every time? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Goddamn, dude. | ||
| Well, I've got bad news about the WWF also. | ||
| Oh my god, then you know what? | ||
| I might as well pull the band-aid off if we're already here. | ||
| Wrestling also. | ||
| But it was, yeah, it was like akin to pro wrestling. | ||
| Like they would have like personalities and people would like, you know. | ||
| That was a problem in Japan in the early days of MMA. | ||
| Some of the fights were fixed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could tell. | ||
| And you could tell like certain guys would win by leg lock. | ||
| That's where you can stomp and shit too, right? | ||
| They'd have professional wrestler, like promoters do those MMA fights. | ||
| What does it say, Jeremy? | ||
| She's describing the animal hunts they did, but I'll skip ahead to this part here. | ||
| Hypogeum played a vital role in these staged hunts, allowing animals and hunters to enter the arena countless ways. | ||
| Eyewitnesses describe how animals appeared suddenly from below as if by magic, sometimes apparently launched high into the air. | ||
| The Hypogeum allowed the organizers of the game to create surprises and build suspense. | ||
| A hunter in the arena wouldn't know where the next lion would appear, or whether two or three lions might emerge instead of one. | ||
| Yeah, out of those, like, trap doors in the bottom, a lion would just jump out, and then, and you're watching a dude, like, hunt lions. | ||
| How cool is that, though? | ||
| This uncertainty could be exploited for comic effect. | ||
| He goes, guys, I'm not afraid of no bullshit-ass lion. | ||
| I fuck a lion. | ||
| He's right behind me, isn't he? | ||
| Emperor Galenius punished a merchant who had swindled the emperor selling her glass jewels instead of authentic ones by setting him in the arena to face a ferocious lion. | ||
| When the cage opened, however, a chicken walked out to the delight of the crowd. | ||
| Galenius then told the herald to proclaim he practiced deceit and then had it practiced on him. | ||
| The emperor let the jeweler go home. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So it wasn't that mean. | ||
| Killed him days later. | ||
| They were less mean than we thought. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was still pretty brutal. | ||
| Well, it was a fucking brutal time to be alive back then, man. | ||
| Dude, one in five got to live. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| One in ten. | ||
| Maybe one in ten. | ||
| Maybe even one in ten. | ||
| No big whoop. | ||
| I bet a lot of dudes were sliced up, though. | ||
| You ever see those Nazi dueling scars where the Nazis in the, like, when they were in, like... | ||
| So all the Nazis that came over for NASA, they all had these crazy Nazi dueling scars. | ||
| All over their faces? | ||
| Yeah, you ever see those? | ||
| Bro, it's so creepy. | ||
| They do the shit we do now in arenas, too, with t-shirt guns. | ||
| Snacks fell from the sky. | ||
| Snacks! | ||
| As abundantly as hail, one observer noted, along with wooden balls containing tokens for prizes, food, money, or even the title to an apartment, which sometimes set off violent scuffles amongst spectators struggling to grab them. | ||
| Nothing changes today. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| There used to be a blimp that would go around the Sixers Stadium and drop coupons for hers potato chips, and I've seen people fall off of balconies for them. | ||
| It was as hot as a boiler room in the summer, humid and cold in the winter, and filled all year round with strong smells from the smoke-sweating workmen packed in the narrow corridor. | ||
| And the reek of the wild animals. | ||
| And no bathrooms and all that. | ||
| Did people just shit into holes? | ||
| Well, they always did. | ||
| Where would you go if you're hot and you're drunk? | ||
| And everybody's got the plague. | ||
| Alright boys, should we wrap this bitch up? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Let's bring it home. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Are we officially in the Rogan sphere now? | ||
| Yeah, you're in. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You were always in. | ||
| All right, you said it here. | ||
| You were always in. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| We just don't see each other enough. | ||
| Please watch my specials. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They're both available. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| Anything you got? | ||
| Yeah, check out Story. | ||
| It's mine and Big Jay's new podcast, Story Wars, which is great. | ||
| And yeah, I got a book, actually. | ||
| You know what I'm- You wrote a book? | ||
| I'm writing. | ||
| I'm almost done with it. | ||
| It's coming out December 2nd. | ||
| It's pre-sale right now on Amazon. | ||
| What's it about? | ||
| It's my childhood memoir. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| What made you want to do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A dude who wrote other books was like... | |
| Yeah. | ||
| A memoir. | ||
| Yeah, he was like, hey, dude, I can get you a book deal. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| And then I started working with him on it. | ||
| Yeah, it's been good. | ||
| It's dark. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| It's just my fucked up childhood and finding comedy. | ||
| I always admire someone who can write a book. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I always admired Norton. | ||
| He's written a couple of books. | ||
| Damn, he wrote a whole book. | ||
| He actually wrote a book. | ||
| Norton's a man. | ||
| Norton's in town right now. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's here Friday. | ||
| He's doing Story Wars tonight. | ||
| Nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Where are you guys? | ||
| You guys at the creek? | ||
| No, we're at your club. | ||
| Oh, you're at my club. | ||
| It's a little Joe knows about his own club. | ||
| What time is it? | ||
| This is our path. | ||
| 7.30 and 10.30. | ||
| Why don't you come, Joe? | ||
| Why don't you come on Story Wars? | ||
| Oh, I don't have any good stories. | ||
| I used them all up. | ||
| I've had 2,500 fucking episodes. | ||
| I've used them all up. | ||
| You don't need good stories. | ||
| I'll tell you all. | ||
| There's going to be something that goes, once on an archaeology journey, I'm like, oh, this is Joe. | ||
| This is definitely Joe, I think. | ||
| I think this one's Joe. | ||
| One time I was talking to the director of the CIA. | ||
| He's like, well, that must be Joe. | ||
| Took out a black bear from a helicopter with a crossbow. | ||
| I appreciate you guys. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. |
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