April 17, 2025 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:54:14
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| So we were just looking at a song in the security canvas in the fucking gym with his stupid haircut. | ||
| Why is he doing that? | ||
| He looks so crazy. | ||
| Hilarious dude. | ||
| One of the best. | ||
| One of the best. | ||
| Fantastic. And getting better, man. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| He's a guy who's always working. | ||
| Nobody writes more new stuff. | ||
| He writes a lot. | ||
| That guy puts me on my ass. | ||
| We've been best friends for the last 12 years, so I've been watching them this whole time. | ||
| And since we met, him and Brian Simpson, they put you to work. | ||
| Yeah, that's important. | ||
| Because if your friends are slacking, you're like, I can slack off too. | ||
| Yeah, or you feel like, oh man, I'm better than my friends. | ||
| But when your friends are like, every time I see them, I'm like, dude, I saw you yesterday. | ||
| You have two new bits? | ||
| And they're good? | ||
| Yeah. How the fuck? | ||
| But one of his bits is his fucking hair. | ||
| It's Hinchcliffe's fault. | ||
| Hinchcliffe fucking keeps encouraging. | ||
| Like, keep it going, keep it going. | ||
| He does encourage it. | ||
| And I told you, he's getting mad pussy with the hair. | ||
| Shh, don't say that. | ||
| He's going to fuck up his pussy. | ||
| You're right, you're right. | ||
| You're getting mad pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? I thought we were having a wonderful... | |
| There's nothing funnier than when your friends... | ||
| Pull you aside to complain about a girl that's like putting the cuffs on them. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Why don't you do things? | ||
| I heard the haircut. | ||
|
unidentified
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Why don't you cut your hair better so you don't get mad? | |
| You take comedy serious. | ||
| You don't take me serious. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| Look how smooth he looks, though. | ||
| He looks dressed nice. | ||
| He's headlining La Jolla this weekend with you, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| We're doing it next week, next Thursday. | ||
| Oh, next week. | ||
| Next Thursday, yeah. | ||
| Going back. | ||
| And then we're doing the belly room, too. | ||
| Headlining the belly room next night. | ||
| Nice. Fucking La Jolla is one of the best rooms in the world. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. That La Jolla room is fire. | |
| If you get it crushing in there, it's a box. | ||
| It's a literal box. | ||
| It's a kill box. | ||
| And he's cheating with his hair. | ||
| He's cheating. | ||
| He's cheating. | ||
| I won't say the jokes, but these hair jokes are just too good. | ||
| Well, people lose their mood. | ||
| They lose their mind. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's unfortunate because they think he looks way better with his head shaved. | |
| He's a good-looking guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a good-looking guy. | |
| And since you got him in the gym, his chest is filled out, his back's straighter. | ||
| I love when I come here and you two guys are in the gym. | ||
| And you're by yourselves. | ||
| It's pushing you. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| The only thing, because we do every single thing that we did back when we were working out, but other than some days we look at that cold punch and we're like, Joe, you're a fucking psycho. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, dude. | ||
| Not getting in cold water for you today, dude. | ||
| I'm down to work out tomorrow if you guys want to do it. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| All right, let's do it. | ||
| Hell yeah, we'll get a good old school one in. | ||
| Yeah, we'll get an old school one. | ||
| I'll get in the cold punch. | ||
| If we're all doing it, I need we all to be doing it. | ||
| So my friend Sean, who trained Alex Jones, is now training Shane. | ||
| He's going to start training. | ||
| Shane. I heard about it. | ||
| He puts them through the gauntlets. | ||
| I told Shane, don't let him kill you. | ||
| Don't let him kill you. | ||
| Makes you back him off a little in the beginning. | ||
| These fucking psychopaths. | ||
| I remember when Ahsan did it with him the first time, Sean, he got him to do it. | ||
| I was out of town with Schultz and Ahsan called me and goes, bro, I threw up twice. | ||
| At the end, he goes, no, at the beginning. | ||
| I was like, bro, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You gotta build up to that kind of stuff. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Sean's in great shape. | ||
| You know, if you're used to, like, coaching Navy SEALs, and you're like, come on, pussy, we gotta go. | ||
| You know, like, carry the fucking log. | ||
|
unidentified
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Who's gonna carry the boats? | |
| That's one thing. | ||
| But when you're a guy like Shane, and you're on a workout on again, off again, on again, off again, like... | ||
| You can't hurt the guy. | ||
| Like, you gotta, like, start slow. | ||
| Yeah. Like, when we started working out, what do we do? | ||
| Start slow. | ||
| Real slow. | ||
| I mean, you were teaching us how to use the kettlebells, let alone going super hard at it. | ||
| Whereas now, you know, me and Asan have upped our weight, because now we've done it so many, like, the rhythm of kettlebells. | ||
| Oh, it's gonna be fun. | ||
| Oh, dude, I'm excited for tomorrow. | ||
| Yeah. But I was gonna tell you this about Asan's hair. | ||
| Let's back to it. | ||
| We're seeing him on the security camera. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| I was like, he looks like a fucking psycho! | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| People love it. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| One night, I'm working the back door of the comedy store, and this is when Theo Vaughn had just... | ||
| He went from a guy we all knew to he's now Theo Vaughn. | ||
| And I'm sitting back there, and he pulled in, and we're just kind of hanging at the back door, and he goes, Derek, let me tell you something, man. | ||
| He goes, I was getting $2,000 a weekend before this hair. | ||
| Since this mullet I get about 40k a weekend and walked off You know what though, it's true, but it's not true So it's true that when the haircut came he got more money on the weekend, | ||
| but It's also like the haircut freed him to be Theo Vaughn Like do you remember when the I remember very clearly the first time I ever saw Theo And he was doing a bit about being on, not even a bit, he was telling a story, a true story, | ||
| about when he was young, his father was really old. | ||
| Like his father had him when he was like 70. Yes. | ||
| Yeah, something crazy. | ||
| And he said he remembers being on acid, lying next to his father, and realizes his father's just dying. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Have you ever been around someone who's like 100 years old? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| They feel like there's no life force in them. | ||
| Yeah. And they're almost trapped in their mind. | ||
| Yeah. And he's on acid lying next to him. | ||
| I was like, whoa, this guy's weird. | ||
| What a weird set. | ||
| And he was talking about all kinds of other stuff too, but it was really fun, but it was interesting. | ||
| And then I remember seeing him about a year, a year and a half later, and I couldn't fucking breathe. | ||
| I was just crying laughing. | ||
| My cousin got bit by a gay guy, so... | ||
| We'll see. | ||
|
unidentified
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I was just like, what the fuck are you saying? | |
| What the fuck are you saying? | ||
| It was the timing and just the materials all over the place in this weird way. | ||
| I love a guy like that. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| The mullet might have just been the little touch, but he was already your favorite to watch. | ||
| Sometimes you need something like that to make you feel different. | ||
| You know, like some dudes, I think, like dressing nice on stage because they feel different. | ||
| Or Burt likes to take his shirt off because he feels different. | ||
| Burt could do the same set with a tuxedo on. | ||
| It would be the same fun. | ||
| Yeah, it would be the same fun. | ||
| It just makes him feel free to let that fucking gut hang out and show everybody he's willing to drink himself to death for you. | ||
| Like, he's a fucking gladiator, dude. | ||
| But they love it. | ||
| But I do get that feeling of, like, being free on stage and truly... | ||
| Yeah. Because that does separate yourself, too, of like, oh, this is how I... | ||
| Damn. Yeah, you gotta learn how to do that some way, right? | ||
| And some people it's alcohol, and some people it's the way they dress, and some people it's weed, and some people it's, you know, they have to run, they have to jog before they do a set. | ||
| Yeah. I remember seeing Eleanor, she would do dips. | ||
| You'll catch her in the back of the hole, and she's just cranking out dips, and then she goes up, but then you see when she's up, it's like, oh, that energy had to just, it was just coming out of her. | ||
| Yeah, it's coming out of you, and also you want to get your heart rate up a little bit, so your body is like, and your I heard Bill Burr say something, | ||
| but he's just one of the greatest to ever do it. | ||
| But it always made me go, damn, because I always felt that way. | ||
| Like, no, I wouldn't eat before a meal. | ||
| I'm eating before a show. | ||
| I wouldn't eat. | ||
| And then I heard him say once, he was like, oh, I used to not eat before shows. | ||
| And then I got older. | ||
| And I'd fucking have a Thanksgiving dinner before a show and go up and talk the whole set about how I had a Thanksgiving dinner and how fucking fat I am and how gross we all are in America. | ||
| And it was just, like, that freedom of, like, wow, he really doesn't give a fuck, this guy. | ||
| Well, Bill is also amazing at being Bill. | ||
| Like, he has his opinions, what he thinks is stupid about something, and he's just, like, locked in. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, there's no... | ||
| Like, some comics, like, you'll see one of their hours, and it's kind of like one kind of energy, and then the other hour, it's like kind of a different kind of energy. | ||
| Well, Bill Burr, it's Bill Burr. | ||
| I'm Bill Burr. | ||
| I'm Bill Burr. | ||
| He knows how to be Bill Burr. | ||
| He's professionally Bill Burr. | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know what I mean? | |
| A lot of people couldn't even do his material. | ||
| It just, like, wouldn't work. | ||
| No, and it would sound, like, hateful. | ||
| Like, this guy fucking hates the world, dude. | ||
| But that's just the magic of becoming, you know, you. | ||
| A tell is the absolute best at it. | ||
| A tell has a timing... | ||
| And a presence and then the material, the way it's written, like a lot of it on paper, you'd be like, what is this? | ||
| I don't understand how this would be funny. | ||
| But you see him do it in real life, you're like, oh my god. | ||
| You're just crying. | ||
| Yeah, and when the crowd is more ruckus, he's better. | ||
| He's in on the corniness of some of the stuff too, which makes it even more fun. | ||
| It's like there's many layers to it. | ||
| And some of it is just brilliant observations on things. | ||
| Some of them is completely ridiculous. | ||
| It's just all, but it's woven into Dave Vittell. | ||
| And it'll pull out a fucking recorder. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It starts playing the flute. | ||
| Bro, when we saw him live, I was so fucking impressed. | ||
| I was so impressed. | ||
| I was like, that is so good. | ||
| You know who's another one like that? | ||
| Colin Quinn. | ||
| Man, when he was here. | ||
| Bro, you see him live, you're like, wow, that was so good. | ||
| Just so fun. | ||
| You forget how good he is. | ||
| Yeah, and then you're learning shit. | ||
| You're like, I didn't know this. | ||
| Yeah, he's like a history wizard. | ||
| I remember we did Tough Crowd once, and Colin used to do stand-up to the crowd before. | ||
| Before the show would start, before we'd sit down and do tough crowds. | ||
| He was doing the warm-up for his own show. | ||
| Yeah, he was doing the warm-up for his own show. | ||
| This one time. | ||
| I don't know if he did it all the time, but he was murdering. | ||
| Murdering. And I was watching this, and I was like, people don't know how good he is. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| Because, like, there's some guys that warm up for their show, and it's like a monologue. | ||
| They're doing a few jokes. | ||
| It's like, it's okay. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| But I'm not in it. | ||
| I'm not really feeling it. | ||
| With him, it was like I was at a club. | ||
| I was like dying laughing like I was at a comedy club. | ||
| I was like, people don't know. | ||
| There's a few of these guys that just never got good at promoting. | ||
| And they're really good. | ||
| And the interesting thing is the really good ones are not bitter. | ||
| They're not as famous as they deserve to be. | ||
| Like I tell, he's the least bitter guy alive. | ||
| Yeah, he's so cool. | ||
| Not even remotely bitter. | ||
| Always friendly. | ||
| Yeah, he'll talk to an open mic all day. | ||
| Sweet, peaceful. | ||
| He's as present as you can get. | ||
| And he's infinitely less famous than he should be. | ||
| He should be selling out arenas all over the world. | ||
| He's that good. | ||
| Wow. He's so good, dude. | ||
| He might be the best comic alive. | ||
| There's a few in my mind that are in the running for that. | ||
| Who's the best? | ||
| I guess there's no one best. | ||
| It's sports. | ||
| You always have to consider Chappelle. | ||
| He's the goat of our generation. | ||
| He's the most prolific. | ||
| He has social impact. | ||
| He's hilarious and silly, and he's a sweetheart of a person, too. | ||
| So you have to think that. | ||
| But then I go with sheer RPMs. | ||
| I gotta go with Joey Dees. | ||
| Sheer RPMs. | ||
| How many nights were we in the back of the Comedy Store? | ||
| We couldn't even. | ||
| You couldn't even talk. | ||
| You couldn't breathe. | ||
| You're not even laughing anymore. | ||
| You're just wheezing. | ||
| Everybody's just wheezing. | ||
| You're making wheezing noises and slapping things. | ||
| Man, I remember back that era seeing him and how people feel about him now. | ||
| Whatever. But at that time, man, when Chris D'Elia was on stage in that main room some nights. | ||
| It was mind-blowing, the RPMs. | ||
| Just the amount of laughter and how fast would be like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, he could kill. | ||
| There's some magic to that thing. | ||
| I think that's hypnosis. | ||
| I've always thought that. | ||
| For a long time, at least. | ||
| I'm like, what is happening to me when someone's on stage and they're killing? | ||
| When Shane's on fire. | ||
| What is happening to me? | ||
| I think I'm locked in with their mind. | ||
| I don't think it's as simple as I'm watching a show or something like that. | ||
| Because I love watching a funny movie, Tropic Thunder or something like that. | ||
| I love laughing and watching a funny movie. | ||
| But I don't feel the same way I feel when a guy is in front of me on stage doing stand-up. | ||
| And I think as great as specials are... | ||
| They're like 60 to 70% of being there live. | ||
| Yes. Always. | ||
| I think there's something about being there live that's like, it's hypnosis. | ||
| There's something going on where that person's making me think the way they think. | ||
| Yeah. When someone brings you into their world, and like you said, you're just living in it. | ||
| And you're not even thinking about it. | ||
| You're just like, I'm living in this guy's essence right now. | ||
| Exactly. You're living in this person's imagination and this person's work, right? | ||
| Because they set this set up, and they danced it around their head, and they wrote it down on paper. | ||
| That's the other interesting thing about what we do. | ||
| There's no one way to do it. | ||
| I always say my way to do it, but I don't think Bill writes shit down. | ||
| I think he keeps it all in his head. | ||
| Yeah, Dave mostly keeps it all in his head, too. | ||
| Schultz does that, too. | ||
| Yeah. It's insane. | ||
| That's the Jay-Z thing, too, right? | ||
| Jay-Z kept it all in his head. | ||
| Lil Wayne. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's not like they're releasing one album. | ||
| But who's the best writer? | ||
| Nas. Nas wrote everything down. | ||
| You can't write Rewind. | ||
| In your head. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| No. It's a story backwards. | ||
| It's a story backwards. | ||
| It's another level. | ||
| That's another level. | ||
| That's like him pulling his dick out and just like... | ||
| Slapping that shit on the table, right? | ||
| That song is... | ||
| When you want to say, like, writing? | ||
| Like, I challenge anybody in the world. | ||
| Who's got a better written song than Rewind from Nas? | ||
| That's a great take. | ||
| I would agree with that. | ||
| It's perfectly fluent backwards. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's a language almost. | ||
| It's perfectly fluent backwards. | ||
| It's... It's magic. | ||
| It's like a magic song. | ||
| Yeah. And while you're watching it, you're appreciating the fact that he pulled it off. | ||
| Yeah. You know, like, while you're listening, you're appreciating the fact that he pulled off this song backwards. | ||
| Yeah, it's impressive to watch the different ways people do it. | ||
| I mean, I'm biased, because I tour with him, but man, when I'm out with fucking Schultz, dude. | ||
| Because people just see him come up with that 10 minutes up top. | ||
| You know, like, we'll go to Abu Dhabi, and you just see it, right? | ||
| But man, I get to see how he gets there. | ||
| And he gets to town, and no matter where we are, and all he does is he just talks to people. | ||
| And he doesn't say anything. | ||
| He gets a random person who's lived in wherever we're at for a long time. | ||
| And he just lets them. | ||
| And you just see them. | ||
| And his eyes will light up when somebody says a certain thing. | ||
| And his eyes will light up. | ||
| And he's like, ooh, okay. | ||
| Oh, that's going on? | ||
| Oh, then what do they think of this? | ||
| And he'll ask a couple questions. | ||
| And he'll do it. | ||
| And I'm not talking about 30 minutes, Joe. | ||
| He'll talk to somebody for three, four hours before the show. | ||
| And just soak in all the culture and all the information. | ||
| And then you see him go on stage. | ||
| And it's a full-flush 10-minute. | ||
| Chunk about a place. | ||
| Joe, he's a special talent. | ||
| He's a special talent. | ||
| Yeah, I've never seen anything like that. | ||
| Yeah, he's very special. | ||
| And, you know, and it's also like you got to realize he's doing these jokes in front of 16,000 people for the first time. | ||
| He's got a new joke and he's busting it out in front of 16,000 people about their area. | ||
| Yes. Bro, that shit he did in Hawaii about the chickens being so confident. | ||
| Joe, I was the black guy. | ||
|
unidentified
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We got out the van and he saw the chickens run up to me. | |
| He's like, these chickens are too confident, dawg. | ||
| And he's like, they don't know Derek. | ||
| And we're dying. | ||
| And it's a foreign bit later that night. | ||
| And it's like, this guy is incredible. | ||
| And that's another example. | ||
| Like, what is he doing? | ||
| How is he doing that to that crowd with those great jokes? | ||
| Like, he's locking those people in. | ||
| You're letting him think for you. | ||
| Like, come on, man. | ||
| Think for me. | ||
| Let me have a good time and think for me. | ||
| Yeah. And not only that, but you're talking. | ||
| You're talking about my own personal experience in Hawaii. | ||
| Right. And now you're going into your set. | ||
| You have me. | ||
| You have me completely wrapped around you. | ||
| Yeah, you're a pro. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| He keeps getting better. | ||
| He was good when I first saw him a few years back, but man, he just keeps getting better. | ||
| Well, like you said earlier, to see people do different hours... | ||
| You know what he did, too, though? | ||
| People forget, he was like the first guy to really capitalize on the pandemic with his videos, where he essentially created a completely new kind of stand-up, right? | ||
| So, it's stand-up without the pauses that you would require if an audience was laughing. | ||
| So it's more rapid-paced. | ||
| Like, he thought this through, dude. | ||
| This is like a genius thing. | ||
| Those things turn your phone sideways? | ||
| Yes, man. | ||
| So that's what you used to have to do back in the day, kids. | ||
| Back five years ago. | ||
| All you fucking 15-year-olds when you were 10, you didn't know about this. | ||
| But when you turn your phone sideways, and then it would play out in wide format. | ||
| And he would... | ||
| Kind of do stand-up with images and with punchlines, and it was fucking great! | ||
| Incredible. But it was a way faster pace than he does stand-up on stage. | ||
| Yeah. It was like the punchlines, and then you this and that. | ||
| And I'm like, oh my god, he figured it out. | ||
| Yeah. He figured out how to make really compelling stand-up for someone who's not there. | ||
| Well, it's like a late-night monologue from one of those late-night hosts, but like a real motherfucker doing it. | ||
| And really giving their actual opinion. | ||
| Exactly. Exactly. | ||
| It's genius. | ||
| Because, like, that was an example of someone innovating in, like, a crisis. | ||
| Like, there's a situation that happened. | ||
| You're forced to, everyone, you know, some, like, during the pandemic, some people just curled up in a shell and decided, I'm not leaving my house anymore. | ||
| Yeah. And then some people are like, okay, what can we do? | ||
| What can we do? | ||
| Okay. I'm going to figure out how to do stand-up in this little video format. | ||
| Turn your phone sideways. | ||
| Yeah. And then everybody started sharing them. | ||
| And then Netflix does a thing, you know, Andrew Schultz saves America. | ||
| Andrew Schultz saves America, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. Which I don't think he... | ||
| They should get their money back. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Yeah, some of those people are still trapped in the house. | ||
| It's crazier than ever right now. | ||
| But yeah, he did. | ||
| I mean, even with clips. | ||
| Genius. It's him. | ||
| I give him that credit. | ||
| Oh, he does it all the time. | ||
| And he also, you know, because his stuff is local and a lot of it, like these opening bits that he comes up with, you kind of have to get him out now. | ||
| Yeah. Right? | ||
| So he can just release them on like the fucking... | ||
| When he did the P. Diddy thing when he went to LA. | ||
| And that's just at P. Diddy's house. | ||
| Brother. Brother, he wrote that shit 10 minutes before he walked up into the forum. | ||
| 20,000 people. | ||
| 20,000 people. | ||
| He wrote it 10 minutes. | ||
| And it was the... | ||
|
unidentified
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Me and Mark Agnan are sitting there like, holy fuck. | |
| How did he come up with this? | ||
| We were just hanging with him. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| He's in the groove. | ||
| You know? | ||
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| That's drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan. | ||
| It's sort of like... | ||
| When you have a muscle to do something and you do that thing all the time, then you just get better and better and better at doing that thing, and then you get in the groove. | ||
| Like we were talking about, like Attell, like Theo, like when someone gets in the groove of who they are, you know, like Tony is on Kill Tony. | ||
|
unidentified
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Perfect example. | |
| That's an unreal example. | ||
| He's locked in. | ||
| He's in the groove. | ||
| He's been doing it so long. | ||
| He knows when to dance and when to pause. | ||
| When to ask a serious question, when to get goofy, when to let the panel know. | ||
| It's pretty impressive. | ||
| If you can find something like that to do in your life, you'll have a much better life than if you just get a job. | ||
| And I know, not everybody can, but if you can, you definitely should. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Yeah, you definitely should do that. | ||
| Being excited for every day and nervous and anxious and that feeling, I mean, to not have it, I can't believe people go, I get having you got to go to work, you got to make money, but the idea of like, man, never that feeling of anxiety and looking forward to something and it not going the way you planned. | ||
| And so you got to go the next day and figure out what went wrong. | ||
| And like, I love that. | ||
| That's what I love about stand up, the figuring it out, the math of it all. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great job, man. | ||
| We're so fucking lucky. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| God, you've been in it long enough to see everybody. | ||
| Did you see this thing Damon Wayne said about you? | ||
| Yeah, he said he stole a lot of my jokes. | ||
| Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. | ||
| But the way he said it, I've never seen someone say, I stole a joke. | ||
| And he was like, man, I got... | ||
| I saw it, and then I realized I stole Joe's joke, and I was like, oh, I gotta stop watching, motherfuckers. | ||
| It just stuck in the back of his head. | ||
| But I know you give him his flowers, so I was like, oh, no, the guy's not a joke thief. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| That happens, man. | ||
| Sometimes you think you came up with it, but somebody else did, and you heard it, and you forgot. | ||
| That can definitely, especially if it's a subject that you never cover, and time has passed, and then the subject comes up, like something comes up, and you're like... | ||
| It almost like David tells the best at that. | ||
| He'll call you up because you have to check sometimes like hey have you heard this? | ||
| You know like you have like he's the best at that. | ||
| Dave does that all the time. | ||
| Like you got to check every now and then like this one seems too easy because the memory is weird. | ||
| You know memory is weird. | ||
| You ever go back to like your old neighborhood where you grew up and you're like this house is way smaller than I thought it was. | ||
| It was a mansion. | ||
| This is all different. | ||
| The driveway is different. | ||
| Everything's different. | ||
| Looks weird. | ||
| You know, your memory's shitty. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| I mean, it keeps you from fucking picking up the wrong spider. | ||
| But you know what I mean? | ||
| It's not a photographic representation of reality. | ||
| And that's a problem. | ||
| And you guys have been doing stand-up 20 years. | ||
| How many bits have you seen? | ||
| Seen too many bits. | ||
| Yeah. So you can... | ||
| And then, you know, there's parallel thinking. | ||
| There's a lot, but you know when someone's a thief and Damon's not a thief. | ||
| I always said that Damon, he might be one of the most underappreciated comics ever, because when he was in his prime, you've got to realize he was like, if you're looking at today, he was like Chappelle. | ||
| He was in that same level of recognition as being one of the best guys a lot. | ||
| But then they got him with those TV shows, man. | ||
| And movies. | ||
| He wanted to be a movie star. | ||
| Yeah. Last Boy Scout. | ||
| He was going to be a movie star. | ||
| Did that big Bruce Willis movie. | ||
|
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Bruce Willis. | |
| And it was a good movie. | ||
| Yeah. And it looked like he was going to be a movie star after that. | ||
| I mean, he had some great, like, Blank Man, where he's a retarded superhero. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That was so ridiculous. | ||
| Try doing that today. | ||
| You couldn't do that so good. | ||
|
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When he used to do Handyman on In Living Color shit. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| They might be one of the greatest families. | ||
| The Waynes family. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Who's number two? | ||
| They're number one. | ||
| They might be one and two, Joe. | ||
| I don't know who. | ||
| What other families are there that are like big, not in comedy? | ||
| What other family? | ||
| Am I missing something? | ||
| Am I forgetting somebody? | ||
| I mean, I know, and Living Color was so big. | ||
| It's like them and then the Sklar Brothers. | ||
| There's no other families. | ||
| There's nobody in the hunt. | ||
| In Living Color is so big, Joe. | ||
| Did you notice that the reason we have the Super Bowl halftime show is because of In Living Color. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Really? Is that true? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| So before Michael Jackson did, the year they brought Michael Jackson was because the year before that, In Living Color aired during the Super Bowl. | ||
| Wow. And they lost so many viewers. | ||
| They lost like a, not half, a big number where that they were like, we can't let people leave during the halftime show because this show is too big. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| I want to say Michael Jackson was 95? | ||
|
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Maybe 96? | |
| It had to be earlier than that. | ||
| Maybe 94? | ||
| It had to be earlier than that because I remember watching it on TV at a pool hall. | ||
| 93. 93. Yeah. | ||
| 93. So I was just moving to New York. | ||
| To L.A. from New York then. | ||
| So I was in New York at a pool hall watching it. | ||
| And I remember watching Fire Marshal Bill. | ||
| And I'd be like, how can you do this? | ||
| How is this allowed? | ||
| Like, this show's crazy. | ||
| You have to realize for 93, there was nothing. | ||
| Like, if you think about the internet today and all the crazy videos that people put together and the years of mad TV. | ||
| SNL. Yeah. | ||
| But back then? | ||
| Back then, man, there was nothing like this show. | ||
| This show was crazy. | ||
| That is Paul. | ||
| Oh my god, that is Paulie right in the corner. | ||
| Oh, look at Paulie. | ||
| The weave. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
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He's moving the head like a pigeon, bro. | |
| He's here now, too. | ||
| Yeah, I know that. | ||
| Isn't that fun hanging out with Paulie? | ||
| It's like being at the store, man. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
|
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But this is unreal how big this was. | |
| The show was great. | ||
| But, Damon, if you want to watch something, watch... | ||
| I think it's The Last Stand. | ||
| I think that was one of his... | ||
| I think that's the name of it. | ||
| I think it's The Last Stand, but it's fucking phenomenal. | ||
| And it's so good, but it's also so good if you go back to that time. | ||
| Because comedy, like everything else, has evolved with all the scrutiny on it and all the different high-level people that are doing it. | ||
| The comedy right now, I think, is at the highest level that I've ever seen. | ||
| There's so many... | ||
| Really great comedians. | ||
| I think in the 1980s, like if you go back, you had Kennison, you had Eddie Murphy, you had Richard Pryor, you had George Carlin, you had a bunch of really good guys, Jerry Seinfeld, but that many after that. | ||
| You know, it wasn't as thick. | ||
| Yeah. It's thick with assassins. | ||
| I think, like, right now, there's so many assassins out there. | ||
| There's more arena acts out there right now than has ever been in the history of comedy. | ||
| Yeah. You've got to realize, arena acts started with Dice Clay. | ||
| So Dice Clay starts off becoming... | ||
| He becomes an arena act in, like, 87-ish? | ||
| Late 80s is when arena act comedy started. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Before, and nobody was doing it but Dice. | ||
| Dice was the only arena act. | ||
| Wow. Yeah, and then arena act number two, Dane Cook. | ||
| And that's how many years later? | ||
| Many. Because this is like, Dane Cook becomes an arena act in like the 2000s. | ||
| Wow. Yeah. | ||
| So then there's Dane Cook. | ||
| Dane Cook starts selling on arenas. | ||
| I was like, what is happening? | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| And then all of a sudden, the internet happens. | ||
| And social media happens. | ||
| And a lot of comics, like we were talking about, like, Dave Attell and Colin Quinn. | ||
| Like, Dave Attell's one of the best to ever do it. | ||
| And if there's ever a club where he's not sold out the moment it's on stage, it's a travesty. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But they didn't connect to the internet the same way. | ||
| And because that, the notoriety is not commensurate to the talent. | ||
| Whereas with Schultz, the notoriety and the talent are perfectly balanced. | ||
| It's the same level. | ||
| So everybody knows how good he is, and everybody knows who he is. | ||
| It's locked in, where it's like Dave Attell is this. | ||
| But the notoriety is us talking about him only. | ||
| Word of mouth only. | ||
| His social media is hot garbage. | ||
| He's got a flip phone. | ||
| He's got a flip phone. | ||
| He texts you with a doo-doo-doo-doo. | ||
| He's got to press four times to get an R or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
|
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It's so stupid. | |
| It's crazy he does it like that. | ||
| It's crazy he does it like that. | ||
| Like, why do you do it like that? | ||
| Because he could be on the internet more. | ||
| I mean, I remember when he had that show, Insomniac. | ||
| That's when I first saw him. | ||
| Let me throw this at you, because I've been trying to stay off social media more and more. | ||
| Every day, like a little less every day. | ||
| And the more I do it, the better I feel. | ||
| It's like not being poisoned. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's like getting away from a poison that you didn't know was a poison, like some, like, forever plastics in your Starbucks cup or something, you know? | ||
| Yeah. I quit those Starbucks cups and all of a sudden I, you know what I mean? | ||
| It's like something like that. | ||
| Like, I quit drinking tap water and all of a sudden I could think better, you know? | ||
| Steve Martin sold 45,000 tickets in'78. | ||
| Oh my god, that's right. | ||
| I forgot about Steve Martin for two reasons. | ||
| One, because Steve Martin was a little different. | ||
| He was doing stand-up, but it was a lot of songs. | ||
| He was great, by the way. | ||
| Let's Get Small is phenomenal. | ||
| But I think he got to a point where comedy became too easy. | ||
| So he didn't know what was funny anymore because everybody loved him so much. | ||
| And he stopped doing stand-up, which is really weird. | ||
| Wow. Probably didn't have good friends. | ||
| Yeah. If he had good friends, we would have grabbed him like we grabbed Ron White. | ||
| Remember when Ron White was trying to quit? | ||
| I'm going to retire. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Isn't comedy fun? | ||
| Yeah. So keep doing fun things. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| I can't believe I have to give them this advice. | ||
| Like, you're Ron White. | ||
| How are you thinking about... | ||
| How much fun are you having when you're killing up there? | ||
| But I think that was the drinking thing, too, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's sober now. | ||
| Yeah, it was drinking, and it was also he needed a tribe. | ||
| And he had the tribe a little bit when he was in California. | ||
| But he was always on the road a lot, and he just decided that... | ||
| Being in the center of the country was better. | ||
| So he was like patient zero of the Austin Revolution. | ||
| A lot of people think it was me, but it was really Ron. | ||
| Because I came here knowing that Ron was here. | ||
| I was like, at the very least, Ron's here. | ||
| It's two of us. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not living like this in California. | ||
| You're not doing this to me. | ||
| I know what you're doing. | ||
| The fucking caged animal in me is like, I'm getting out. | ||
| This is going to go sideways. | ||
| I'm not going to be a part of this. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Okay, at least Ron's there. | ||
| I was like, my life is going to be worse than it ever was before. | ||
| My life is going to be, all my friends are gone. | ||
| They're not here. | ||
| I'm in the middle of the country. | ||
| Maybe I'll see them every now and then. | ||
| Maybe I'll have to book shows to see them. | ||
| But at least Ron's here. | ||
| That's what I decided. | ||
| Patient zero. | ||
| Yeah, he was patient zero. | ||
| So, you know... | ||
| And now he hangs out every night. | ||
| And we get Ron every night. | ||
| Oh, he's lovely. | ||
| He's the... | ||
| He's lovely. | ||
| We were hanging one time. | ||
| This is my favorite Ron story. | ||
| And it's just me, you, and Ron in the green room. | ||
| And you gifted him a really nice Rolex. | ||
| And you guys were having a sweet moment. | ||
| And I couldn't believe I was there to see it. | ||
| I was like, damn, this is really cool. | ||
| And you gifted it to him and y'all were having a conversation. | ||
| I'm like, wow. | ||
| And he takes off his Rolex and he tosses it to me. | ||
| He goes, there you go, Derek. | ||
| And I go, holy shit, Ron, for real? | ||
| And he says, fuck no, bro. | ||
| Give me my Rolex. | ||
| Give me my Rolex back, you idiot. | ||
| And then you went. | ||
|
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So you go, that's the most fucked up shit I've ever seen, Ron. | |
| I forgot about that until right now. | ||
|
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It was the most evil. | |
| That was so evil. | ||
| You literally were like, Ron, why would you do that? | ||
| Well, I thought everybody was just giving out Rolexes up in this bitch. | ||
| I just thought that was going to be a great moment. | ||
| And my face was like. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But he's the man, dude. | ||
| I can't believe I'm friends with him. | ||
| Because I've been a fan. | ||
| I feel that same way. | ||
| I feel that way about a lot of guys. | ||
| Like, I can't believe I'm friends with you. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| Well, that's good, right? | ||
| You never stop being both a fan and a person who does it. | ||
| I try to separate it. | ||
| I try to separate me as a comic offstage versus me as a comic onstage. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| You know, so I can just be a fan. | ||
| When I was younger, I used to watch someone going,"Oh, I would do it differently." Like, if they suck, I'll do that. | ||
| If they suck, I'll go like,"Oh, that premise." I think... | ||
| You're not explaining this very well. | ||
| I'll start picking it apart that way. | ||
| But I like to just be a fan. | ||
| I like to just watch. | ||
| Because I think a lot of people are real hesitant to give up flowers. | ||
| Right, as you know, kids like to say. | ||
| But the reason why is because they don't feel good about comparing themselves to this person who may be doing better than them. | ||
| So there's a feeling like, ah, he's alright, he's alright. | ||
| There's a little bit of that, you know, which I don't like that. | ||
| It doesn't make sense to me either, because watching this game, for the ten years I've been doing it, it's like, oh, like... | ||
| Everyone tells me that Sebastian was like, nobody knew that he was going to be one of the biggest arena acts we've ever seen when he first started, when he was coming around. | ||
| Yeah, he'd be like, oh, he was good, but you didn't see that for him. | ||
| So it's like, oh, there is no point to judge somebody harshly because this game is long. | ||
| Yeah, the game's long. | ||
| And you figure things out. | ||
| I was terrible when I started. | ||
| There's no way to not be. | ||
| Especially me. | ||
| I was socially retarded. | ||
| I've been hit in the head 150,000 times. | ||
| I mean, there's some fucking issues there. | ||
| There are some issues. | ||
| I was socially retarded because I spent, like, from age 15 to 21, just did nothing but travel around the country fighting people. | ||
| That's all I did. | ||
| So my version of young adulthood was very weird. | ||
| Like, it was 100% competition. | ||
| Yeah. That was all it was. | ||
| That's all I did. | ||
| Well, when you hear Joey talk about you when you were younger, it's like, oh, he was an animal. | ||
| You know, like, Joe was just an animal. | ||
| Before you apparently started smoking weed, he was like, you were way more different about it. | ||
| Have a hard time transitioning into being a regular person. | ||
| And I was only an amateur fighter. | ||
| You know, I couldn't imagine being a guy like, you know, like Dustin Poirier, who's about to retire. | ||
| You know, like transitioning to being a regular person. | ||
| He's been this fucking savage. | ||
| Killer. For so long. | ||
| For so long. | ||
| At the highest level. | ||
| Like, that's like the highest level in the world. | ||
| Inside the octagon. | ||
| Knocks out Conor McGregor. | ||
| Yeah. And you're like... | ||
| And that guy's got to transition to being a regular person. | ||
| For me, there was no screaming crowds. | ||
| It was weird high school auditoriums and trying to give people concussions. | ||
| That's all it was. | ||
| That was all it was. | ||
| But there was no glory and no money, and it cost me some of my health, you know, for sure. | ||
| And fear. | ||
| Constantly living in a state of anxiety that you're going to have to fight again soon. | ||
| Constantly. Constantly. | ||
| And for some weird reason, I was always like, why am I doing this to myself? | ||
| I don't have to do this. | ||
| Like, this doesn't pay me any money. | ||
| I don't have to do it. | ||
| Why do I keep signing up to do this? | ||
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| Did you ever have any ambition to take it to the next level? | ||
| Yeah, but there was no money. | ||
| I remember I got offered $500 to do a kickboxing fight. | ||
| So if I did that kickboxing fight, I couldn't fight amateur anymore. | ||
| And I was like, $500. | ||
| So then I can't... | ||
| Like, if I ever decided to try to compete in the Olympics again... | ||
| Because I was trying to get on the national team to compete in the Olympics. | ||
| But somewhere along the line... | ||
| I got a little disenchanted with Taekwondo and one of the ways that it happened is I started kickboxing and I started getting beat up because my hands were dogshit. | ||
| So like I was really good kicking, but if I got into boxing exchanges I was terrible. | ||
| My chin was up in the air. | ||
| I was fucking swinging punches like a bitch. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| I get hit really hard. | ||
| If I hit you, you're in trouble, but it was not good. | ||
| And so I realized that oh, there's a giant flaw in this like for actual real fights is a giant flaw in this and as soon as I started kickboxing Particularly this friend of mine who was a really good boxer, Dana Rosenblatt. | ||
| He was one of my training partners, and he became New England middleweight champion. | ||
| He beat Vinny Pazienza in a decision. | ||
| He lost him one fight and then beat him in a decision. | ||
| He was legit. | ||
| He knocked out Howard Davis Jr., who was an Olympic gold medalist. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker and he also when I was training with him made me realize that I didn't really want to do this anymore that I was just doing this because I had done it my whole life And this was like what I decided I was doing that was like not only is there no future in this there's a lot of brain damage coming my way like 100% I'm getting it right now and You know just sparring with Dana me and him sparring. | ||
| I don't know how many times we spar but we would beat the fuck out of each other dude damn really oh Oh, it was horrible. | ||
| Yeah, I'd go home with headaches. | ||
| And if we were in boxing range, he was tuning me up. | ||
| So I was always trying to stay on the outside because his hands were way better than mine. | ||
| But we cracked each other. | ||
| You and Dana White would fight? | ||
|
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No, no, no, no. | |
| My friend Dana Rose. | ||
| Okay, I was like... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I heard Dana and I was like... | ||
| But if me and Dana were friends, we would do that too. | ||
| I sparred with a lot of my friends. | ||
| We beat the shit out of each other. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| But that's what you have to do. | ||
| You know what the beautiful thing about jujitsu is about kickboxing is you don't have this kind of animosity with your sparring partners. | ||
| Because if you're in a good gym, in kickboxing you're always hurting each other. | ||
| And he's like, even if you love a guy and you spar with him, you're always hurting each other. | ||
| So you always have this thing where you're like, fuck that dude. | ||
| That dude gave me a fucking headache. | ||
|
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You know what I mean? | |
| You think about getting him back. | ||
| Like, you think about it. | ||
| He cracked you with the left hook. | ||
| You're like, I am going to get him back. | ||
| I can't wait to get him back. | ||
| Whereas with jujitsu, you can't wait to tap somebody, but you're not hurting each other. | ||
| You know, if you get hurt, it's an accident. | ||
| The injuries in jujitsu are usually either strain-related or, you know, you didn't tap. | ||
| It's either you strained to get out of something, or you pulled yourself the wrong way, or you didn't tap, put it in kickboxing. | ||
| Your legs are getting fucked up every day. | ||
| Wham! Wham! | ||
| No matter what. | ||
| And those pads, they help a little. | ||
| Damn, they're huge, Joe, those pads. | ||
| When they look like it, when I watch it, they help a little. | ||
| Yeah, if somebody kicks you, like if Israel Adesanya kicks you with one of those pads on, that shit, you can. | ||
| You can't believe the kind of agony that's involved in that way to make a living. | ||
| So I was only doing it because I didn't know what to do. | ||
| But I wasn't the same person that I used to be. | ||
| At one point in time, I was just a mad dog. | ||
| And then I realized, like, I'm going to get really hurt, and there's no future in this, you know? | ||
| Wow. Were you already one foot in, one foot out, or did you just stop? | ||
| Two feet in, but you were like, I'm done. | ||
| You know what it was, really? | ||
| I had one fight. | ||
| I fought in the Nationals in Anaheim. | ||
| And I beat the first guy so I got into the second round and the second guy was this I think he was from Illinois I don't remember but he was like super aggressive and I hit him With the hardest wheel kick I've ever thrown in my life. | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
| He charged in with a left switch kick. | ||
| So he did a hopping roundhouse kick off the left side, and I recognized it right away. | ||
| There was a pattern. | ||
| He was making this pattern when he was moving. | ||
| He would do this thing, and then he would always do this. | ||
| He would do this thing, and then he would always do this. | ||
| So I saw that pattern, and I said, here it comes. | ||
| And so he went with this hopping roundhouse kick. | ||
| I countered with this wheel kick. | ||
| And I hit him so hard that my heel was sore. | ||
| I was limping for days because of the way my heel bounced off his face. | ||
| And he face-planted, snoring. | ||
| They snore when they go out. | ||
| Have you ever seen anybody get knocked out? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| On the internet, of course you have. | ||
| I had seen it a few times in the gym. | ||
| It's spooky. | ||
| It's spooky. | ||
| And so my thing that I would always do when I knock somebody out is walk away like it was nothing. | ||
| Like, that's what I always do. | ||
| Like, that's what I do. | ||
| I just, I didn't celebrate. | ||
| I just would turn my head and walk away. | ||
| And I was talking to my friend, Junkzik, who was, he was U.S. national champion. | ||
| He was a training partner of mine. | ||
| He was sitting in a seat, and I said, I'll never forget this. | ||
| I'm like, is he moving? | ||
| He's like, he hasn't gotten up. | ||
| And so then they get him an ambulance. | ||
| And so they put this kid on a stretcher, and they have him sitting out there for 30 minutes, and he's just on the stretcher for 30 minutes. | ||
| And then they bring him in the ambulance, and they take him to the hospital. | ||
| And I'm like, yo! | ||
| When he said he wasn't moving yet, did you feel like... | ||
| Yeah, he could be dead. | ||
| So this is what scared me. | ||
| So I had this trainer, this instructor, who's like one of the best Taekwondo instructors in the world. | ||
| And I say to him, you know, what he said to me, he said, he goes, I heard you had a really good knockout at the Nationals. | ||
| And I said, yes, sir. | ||
| I said, it was kind of scary because I thought for a while that he was dead. | ||
| And he goes, sometimes they die. | ||
| And he walked away. | ||
| I was like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And he was fucking serious. | ||
| He used to train troops in Vietnam. | ||
| He was a hardcore dude. | ||
| He was hardcore. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Sometimes they die? | ||
| Sometimes they die. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was Vietnam where he trained troops. | ||
| I forget where he trained troops, but he was like an elite Taekwondo instructor and he was his mind was like His name is Master Jae-hun Kim, and he's the guy who runs the Jae-hun Kim Taekwondo Institute. | ||
| That's his business, and that's the place where I came. | ||
| He was like one of the few guys that was trained under General Choi Young-yi, who was the founder of Taekwondo. | ||
| So there's a handful of black belts that were trained by this one guy. | ||
| So it was like a different style. | ||
| So their style was very violent and very power-oriented, whereas there was like an Olympic style that was emerged. | ||
| That was emerging that was very points oriented. | ||
| It was just move fast and like tap and score. | ||
| And they would yell and shit like that. | ||
| Like every time they'd hit they'd scream out. | ||
| And so the Olympic style was more effective at winning tournaments. | ||
| And so the best guys were adopting like this Olympic style. | ||
| But there was an older style that was just... | ||
| Maybe they telegraphed the moves a little bit more, and maybe it was a little slow, but the impact was very different. | ||
| Those guys were killers. | ||
| They were knocking people unconscious. | ||
| It was very scary. | ||
| So that's the gym that I grew up in. | ||
| So I had this very fortunate place that I just stumbled into. | ||
| Yeah, I happen to be like one of the best Taekwondo gyms in the country, especially for generating power Because they like really emphasize heavy back work like he really emphasized heavy back work It's like you have to generate power if you hit somebody and it doesn't hurt. | ||
| That's ridiculous You got you know, you gotta be able to hit someone to just pull it them out Would you get into a lot of street fights before this or even before before Taekwondo? | ||
| Really? Yeah, I couldn't fight at all. | ||
| So why would I get in fights? | ||
| I was trying to get away from fights. | ||
| I was trying to avoid everybody. | ||
| I was terrified. | ||
| Wow. So I just got tired of being fucked with because I was a pussy. | ||
| Because I would get nervous. | ||
| Because I moved around a lot. | ||
| I didn't have a lot of friends. | ||
| We moved a bunch of times when I was a kid. | ||
| So it was always around new kids. | ||
| And I wasn't big, so they would fuck with me. | ||
| It's just normal. | ||
| And I didn't know how to fight, so it bothered the shit out of me. | ||
| So I'm like, well, there's only one solution. | ||
| You've got to become what you're scared of. | ||
| So you put yourself into... | ||
| You were like, hey, I want to do this. | ||
| Yeah, I got a job. | ||
| Started working, washing dishes at Newport Creamery. | ||
| Got enough money so I could take taekwondo lessons. | ||
| Holy shit, Joe. | ||
| And then I started going every day. | ||
| So after a while, he realized it would be better if I was just there all the time instead of working. | ||
| And so he gave me a job. | ||
| I did not know that about you, dude. | ||
| Yeah, so I was teaching. | ||
| So I started teaching when I was like 15. I was teaching people when I was 15. And then when I was 19, I was teaching at Boston University. | ||
| I used to teach a class, accredited class. | ||
| It was a pass, fail, A. And I would tell everybody, it would count towards your GPA. | ||
| So I'd say, if you come here, you get an A. That's all you have to do. | ||
| Just try. | ||
| You're going to get an A. And it counts towards your GPA. | ||
| And I tell them that at the beginning of the class. | ||
| I go, if you can't come, if you can't make it, just call me and tell me that you can't make it, but I want you to come every time you can. | ||
| And if you do that, I'm going to get you better. | ||
| And we're all going to learn something. | ||
| I'm going to really get into this. | ||
| So I was really good at teaching. | ||
| Wow. I was really, really into teaching. | ||
| That's how you were in there, in the gym when we work out. | ||
| You had that same energy. | ||
| So it's like, oh, that came from a place. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's what I was doing for a living. | ||
| From 18 to 19, I was just teaching. | ||
| So what my instructor allowed me to do, I guess I was training after about six months or so, he said,"Look, you could train here for free. | ||
| All you have to do is teach private lessons." I was like, great. | ||
| So I would teach people, the new people. | ||
| I would teach them how to bow. | ||
| I would teach them how to tie their gi on. | ||
| I would teach them how to stand. | ||
| I would teach them different techniques. | ||
| And I would go through them and get them so they're ready to join into group classes. | ||
| Because you couldn't just go into group classes. | ||
| You wouldn't know what you're doing. | ||
| They're like front kick. | ||
| You're like, looking around. | ||
| Someone's got to teach you how to do it. | ||
| So it was always like a big deal to let one of your little birds loose into the main class. | ||
| You teach them, get their... | ||
| Get the front kick going. | ||
| Get the side kick going. | ||
| They go through a series of private lessons. | ||
| I tell them to practice on their own. | ||
| Use the mirror. | ||
| Give them a bunch of things to think about as they break down the movements. | ||
| You just literally... | ||
| I've seen you do it in there. | ||
| That is what the mothership is. | ||
| It's really just a fucking dojo to get better. | ||
| And everything is about everyone pushing each other to get better and learning together. | ||
| It's like, oh my gosh. | ||
| You've been on this teacher shit. | ||
| Well, that's also what my instructor explained to me when I was really young, too. | ||
| I say this all the time. | ||
| I even said it on the podcast yesterday. | ||
| Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's just you're using martial arts as a way to get better at life. | ||
| Because this is a really hard thing, and if you could do this really hard thing, other things won't be as hard. | ||
| You'll have more mental and physical horsepower for regular everyday life. | ||
| You'll have more ability to overcome adversity and weird moments, uncomfortable moments. | ||
| You're used to being uncomfortable. | ||
| You'll be fine. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Wow. Yeah. | ||
| See, I came up... | ||
| I played football, college football. | ||
| I was a football player my whole life. | ||
| And that was... | ||
| That, bro, that was another one for brain damage. | ||
| How's your head? | ||
| How's your head, dog? | ||
| I'm addicted to training porn. | ||
| There's some problems. | ||
| So I got some problems. | ||
| I got some demons through it. | ||
| But the idea of like, because that's so yourself. | ||
| You're dealing with fighting, you're dealing with yourself. | ||
| You're always yourself. | ||
| My whole thing was team. | ||
| Team, you get to lean on people. | ||
| You're leaning on each other. | ||
| And that's what's making you better is how do we play the best as a group. | ||
| Right. Well, that's great too. | ||
| And I think that's probably more beneficial to society. | ||
| It's learning how to play in a team. | ||
| My problem was like, you know, when I... | ||
| Look at Derek! | ||
| I was a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| Look at you, handsome off Finn. | ||
| Look at you, so handsome. | ||
| You look like a fucking model, dog. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| That's one of the top high school football schools in the country. | ||
| We gotta get you back to looking like that. | ||
| You could look like that again. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You just gotta lay off the cards. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| Oh, they're so good, dude. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're so good. | |
| And then just, because you stopped, you told me the other day you haven't been drinking again. | ||
| You stopped drinking, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's been more than a month now. | ||
| A month and some weeks. | ||
| You walked in and you were like, three weeks off, boys! | ||
| Bro, I had all this fucking side fat and belly fat that just went away. | ||
| But most importantly, I just feel better. | ||
| Like, I never have days where I'm recovering from being drunk. | ||
| Like, I sound like shit now because I have allergies, which is hilarious because I always made fun of people. | ||
| I was like, they're like, in three to five years, you'll get allergies. | ||
| I'm like, shut up, pussy. | ||
| I'm not getting these fucking bitch-ass allergies you guys get. | ||
| Now, here I am. | ||
| Yeah, it's so annoying. | ||
| It's so annoying for everybody to be right. | ||
| My wife gets me on that honey. | ||
| If you get honey from a local honey, it gets rid of your allergies. | ||
| I've heard that too, but the lady that we had in here that was a beekeeper says it's bullshit. | ||
| Not only that, she said a lot of honey that you buy in the store is not really honey. | ||
| Yeah, they fuck you. | ||
| They put like corn syrup and some fucking this and that. | ||
| Yeah, they have fake honey. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Is anything real? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Why would they do that? | ||
| China. They're getting us. | ||
| They're like, these dummies, they're not gonna check. | ||
| They're not gonna check. | ||
| Do you remember what she said, Jamie? | ||
| What percentage she said? | ||
| But she did say that a lot of honey was fake honey, right? | ||
| Bro. It doesn't make sense because that's such a thing that's been natural in my head since the dawn of time, right? | ||
| Honey. Have you ever seen those cats in the Himalayas? | ||
| Is it Tibet? | ||
| Where is it where they get that psychedelic honey? | ||
| Called Mad Honey? | ||
| Remember, Jamie? | ||
| Who brought that in for us? | ||
| We did it during the show. | ||
| Yeah, we took some Mad Honey during the show. | ||
| How was the trip? | ||
| Sonny from Best Ever Food Review Show brought it. | ||
| Shout out to Sonny. | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I was fine. | ||
| I really didn't do anything that crazy. | ||
| You definitely knew that you were on something. | ||
| But he was like, take a little bit. | ||
| I'm like, fuck this. | ||
| Give me a teaspoon. | ||
| I took a whole teaspoon. | ||
| I'm like, let's go. | ||
| I'm like, I want to go. | ||
| Like Joey Diaz always says, I want to meet the devil. | ||
| Fuck your microdosing. | ||
| I'm trying to meet the devil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You guys are fucking crazy. | |
| I would see you do that before stage. | ||
| You would take a full nugget of a mushroom. | ||
| Don't tell the police. | ||
| You were eating something. | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| I think that that is the first thing we have to make legal. | ||
| We've got to get Trump on mushrooms. | ||
| Just get him to have a little microdose. | ||
| He'd be like, I'm really killing the game. | ||
| You are killing the game, sir. | ||
| Aren't these mushrooms great? | ||
| Yeah. God, that'd be crazy to see him on mushrooms. | ||
| Every politician should be on mushrooms. | ||
| All wars would end. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that is for me to say that? | ||
| And it's also true. | ||
| It sounds so stupid, also because it's me and I'm stupid. | ||
| But if a scholar, if someone who you really trusted, the pinnacle of science today, said, if we could just get the whole world on mushrooms, all the wars would stop. | ||
| It's definitely believable. | ||
| Everyone would stop dehumanizing people. | ||
| Everyone would stop treating people like others. | ||
| Everyone would realize, like, oh, wow. | ||
| We're really all connected in some bizarre way that's difficult to interface with sometimes. | ||
| But we're all connected. | ||
| We get selfish and we think about ourself only. | ||
| But if we cannot... | ||
| That's, like, one of the beautiful things about camaraderie and community. | ||
| If you cannot, then you all sort of, like, lock in. | ||
| You realize, like, we're all experiencing this thing together. | ||
| We're all like one thing that's separated by biology, but our soul, our spirit, whatever it is that is us inside of our meat bag is a soul, and it's connected to all the other souls in some strange way. | ||
| And if you can figure out, it's almost like you're listening to some, it's almost like there's jackhammers going off around you, but you hear a really good song in the distance. | ||
| Like, God, I can almost hear that song. | ||
| It's almost beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| Yeah. Like, you ever be in a restaurant and everybody's talking, but there's just some jam is playing on the radio, and you're like, God, I almost hear that song. | ||
| Yeah, just some Marvin Gaye seeping through. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| That's what it's like. | ||
| I think there's different strategies that people use to try to get there, and I think God is one of them. | ||
| Like, even the concept of God, I think what you're trying to do is to get to that place where you recognize, like, through strategies of, like, Tactics of following commandments and having a mindset and and giving all your faith to Jesus and all your faith to you like just by act of doing that what you're doing is you're trying to get Closer and closer to whatever the fuck that that beautiful beautiful song is it's playing amongst all the noise because you know it's there It's | ||
|
unidentified
|
just like You hear Oh, man. | |
| Yeah. I remember, I don't know who this comic said this, but it was great. | ||
| I always talk about this joke, but he said how people think they're Americans or Chinese or whatever, but we're all on this planet. | ||
| Like, just zoom out. | ||
| Whatever you think you are, just zoom out a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a trap. | |
| It's just like the Republican-Democrat trap. | ||
| It's just like the Texas-California trap. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| We're all just people. | ||
| We're all people. | ||
| That's one of the beautiful things about traveling. | ||
| You meet friends in Scotland. | ||
| You meet friends in Ireland. | ||
| You meet friends in Australia. | ||
| People are just people, man. | ||
| We're just all people. | ||
| We adapt to whatever our environment is. | ||
| We adapt to the culture, the way people sound their words out. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I want to fit in. | ||
| If you want to fit in, you move to the South, you start saying y'all. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Have you said y'all yet? | ||
| Oh, I say y'all. | ||
| When did you start? | ||
| But I'm from Memphis, Tennessee. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| I'm a little southern boy. | ||
| Yeah, you've always had a y'all pass. | ||
| Yeah, I've been a y'all. | ||
| I was born in New Jersey and I'm mostly Italian. | ||
| For me, y'all is a stretch. | ||
| I don't want to be disingenuous. | ||
| Does it ever come out of you? | ||
| No. Never? | ||
| For funsies. | ||
| Yeah, but it never accidentally comes out. | ||
| Like, y'all gonna go? | ||
| I'm 57. I say you. | ||
| Are you guys? | ||
| It's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| Accents are weird, man. | ||
| You don't realize you have them until you hear them and you're like, why do I sound like that? | ||
| It's impressive when you see people who can do them. | ||
| I didn't know I had a... | ||
| Deep Boston accent until I was on television for the first time. | ||
| When I was 19, I won the Bay State games, and I was on this local TV news thing, and I got a chance to hear myself on TV. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, I sound like a fucking idiot. | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| Like, heavy Boston accent. | ||
| Yeah, you don't have it as bad. | ||
| I got rid of it. | ||
| Yeah. I'm like, that's a dumbass accent. | ||
| But then you started talking to everybody with a million different accents on the pod, so I'm sure you've heard all the different versions. | ||
| You get neutral after a while, I think. | ||
| Your voice gets neutral. | ||
| But you're not all the way, like, newscaster neutral, where it's just that, and now, that kind of shit. | ||
| That's the opposite of comedy, right? | ||
| Because that doesn't hypnotize anybody. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| When that guy's talking to the news, like, this is a presentation from NBC News. | ||
| Look at my tie. | ||
| Look at the pocket square. | ||
| I'm serious. | ||
| I'm a serious person. | ||
| Most of those guys are freaks. | ||
| That's what I love when those guys get caught. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those guys are just doing coke and banging hookers. | ||
| In a harem of gay men. | ||
| It's insane the things they do. | ||
| Punching valets or animals. | ||
| But on television, I present the news. | ||
| Meanwhile, they're wearing a cock ring. | ||
| Fucking freaks. | ||
| All those people that pretend to be proper, those are the ones you gotta keep your eye on. | ||
| Yeah, they never have real opinions either. | ||
| It's all just whatever. | ||
| It's just a job. | ||
| Bill Cosby was the guy who pushed the most for clean comedy. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that crazy? | ||
| Is it though? | ||
| Is it, though? | ||
| Like, scolding everybody for their language and their subject matter? | ||
| He would scold comedians. | ||
| That Eddie Murphy bit is so good, though, when he told Richard Pryor that Bill Cosby, he's like, you making money? | ||
| Yeah. Are the people laughing? | ||
| People laugh. | ||
| Do you get paid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tell Bill to have a coconut smile and shut the fuck up. | |
| That's one of the greatest jokes of all time, dude. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Well, it's so good, too, because Eddie Murphy could do such good impressions. | ||
| Yeah. Yeah. | ||
| And all the accents. | ||
| He's another one. | ||
| Like, let's just stop doing comedy. | ||
| Like, Eddie Murphy would have been bigger than all of them. | ||
| All the arena acts we were talking about before, Eddie Murphy would have been bigger. | ||
| Bigger. Bro, he was so good. | ||
| He was so powerful. | ||
| Go back and watch Delirious. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He was, like, 20. Hey, that's what's crazy. | ||
| Whenever I do watch Delirious, I'm like... | ||
| He was, like, 20. And he's got full command of this, what, 4,000-seater? | ||
| 5,000-seater? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Murdering. Wearing a leather jumpsuit or some shit. | |
| Chest out. | ||
| Fucking abs out, dude. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. It's crazy. | ||
| But it's interesting. | ||
| People, the paths they choose in life, you know? | ||
| Movies. Movies to be calling. | ||
| I think it's a velvet prison. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard you say that to Hassan once about writing jobs. | ||
| He's like, it's a velvet prison. | ||
| That's another velvet prison. | ||
| But, like, I'm sure Damon Wayans had a good time making all those TV shows, but wouldn't it have been amazing to see him being this guy that's, like, selling out arenas all over the world? | ||
| Like, that's where it should be. | ||
| He would still be doing it right now. | ||
| He could do it right now. | ||
| He could just abandon all that TV nonsense right now and go back to it and still be one of the best alive. | ||
| You know that guy records like every show? | ||
| He has a camera that he takes with him on a tripod. | ||
| He sets it up, he records every fucking show, and he puts them all on his computer. | ||
| He goes,"I've been doing this since'94." I'm like,"Wow!" Yeah. | ||
| That's so many. | ||
| And how many specials does he have? | ||
| He doesn't have. | ||
| No. Doesn't have a lot of specials. | ||
| Yeah. Compared to other guys where you see- Not compared to how good he is. | ||
| Doesn't make sense. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| You just, you know, someone's paying you, you go, you enjoy your work, you like it. | ||
| You know, there's nothing wrong with those decisions. | ||
| It's obviously very successful. | ||
| But, you know, you've got to think. | ||
| When you see guys like Schultz selling out arenas and Burt selling out arenas and Tony selling out arenas, it's like, don't you want to get in on that? | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| Talk to me, Damon. | ||
| I'll help you. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That'd be sick to see him make a comeback. | ||
| Yeah, I'd love to see him do that. | ||
| I just think, after a while, do you really want to work for somebody? | ||
| Do you really want to show up? | ||
| Read the script and do the table. | ||
| I mean, do you want to do that? | ||
| No. Fuck. | ||
| I love just showing up 8 o'clock. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Get up four or five times in a night. | ||
| Oh, there's nothing. | ||
| I love it, dude. | ||
| I mean, the idea of doing some stuff seems fun, but to make it my... | ||
| I saw Seinfeld say that. | ||
| He was like, man, we have one of the few jobs where people want this job. | ||
| Very rarely do I see it. | ||
| There's no job where I'm like, I'd really like to be that. | ||
| This is the job. | ||
| It's one of them, that's for sure. | ||
| Rockstar's probably the big one. | ||
| Rockstar's probably the biggest? | ||
| See the Rockstar thing? | ||
| They could sing the same ass song every night forever. | ||
| Like, if you're the Rolling Stones, you could still sing Brown Sugar. | ||
| Nope. Can't sing it anymore! | ||
| Can't sing that one! | ||
| They don't sing Brown Sugar anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! Come on! | |
| Bro, you ever see the lyrics to Brown Sugar? | ||
| What are the actual lyrics? | ||
| What is it, Joseph? | ||
| There's a reason why they don't sing it anymore. | ||
| It's a great song. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| It's still on my Spotify playlist. | ||
| But if you... | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| I might have pulled it out. | ||
| I might have got scared. | ||
| Wait till you see the lyrics. | ||
| That playlist is crazy long. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| We get turnt up in there. | ||
| Yeah, we do. | ||
| I think that playlist is like 35 hours long now. | ||
| You keep adding to it. | ||
| I keep adding to it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| 33. 33 hours and 49 minutes. | ||
| I love when we're in there and then I'll be like, who the fuck is playing this? | ||
| And I'll look at me just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, Joe, who got you on the Black Panther album? | |
| You'll just listen to some random shit. | ||
| Hey, who got you on this? | ||
| Oh, yeah, I love a good random shit. | ||
| Like, if I'm in a bar and I hear some cool random song, I love, like, that's why I love that Shazam app. | ||
| Ooh, that's so nice. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Yeah, Gold Coast slave ship bound for cotton fields, sold in a market down in New Orleans. | ||
| Scarred old slaver knows he's doing all right. | ||
| Hear him whip the women just around midnight. | ||
| Brown sugar, how come you taste so good? | ||
| Brown sugar, just like a young girl should. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Drums beating, cold English blood runs hot. | ||
| Lady of the house wondering if... | ||
| Wondering where it's gonna stop. | ||
| Houseboy knows that he's doing all right. | ||
| You should have heard him just around midnight. | ||
| This song's horrific. | ||
| This song's crazy! | ||
| Brown sugar, how come you taste so good? | ||
| Brown sugar, just like a young girl should. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Get down on the ground, brown sugar. | ||
| How come you taste so good? | ||
| Get down, get down, brown sugar, just like a young girl should. | ||
| I bet your mama was a tent show queen and all her boyfriends were sweet 16. I'm no schoolboy, but I know... | ||
| This song's crazy. | ||
| He was fucking... | ||
| Mick Jagger was losing his mind! | ||
| This is a crazy song. | ||
| To write all this down. | ||
| Slave ship? | ||
| Did you say slave ship? | ||
| Slave ship? | ||
| Just like a young girl ship. | ||
| What are you... | ||
| What? That brown sugar you taste so good? | ||
| Sold in a market? | ||
| What? And then scroll down a little bit. | ||
| This was another one. | ||
| I'm not sure what they're saying here. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Scroll down a little bit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I bet your mama was a tent show queen. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| What the fuck does that mean? | ||
| What is a tent show queen? | ||
| What's a tent show? | ||
| Well, whatever it is, she's getting fucked. | ||
| Something horrible is happening. | ||
| Whatever's happening in that tent. | ||
| That song is crazy. | ||
| So they don't play that song anymore when you go see the Stones. | ||
| You saw them. | ||
| You've seen them live, right? | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| You see them live, you can't believe they're really there. | ||
| You're like, is that really them? | ||
| It just seems so strange. | ||
| A tent show. | ||
| Yeah, they're probably one of the, if not... | ||
| They're definitely one of the biggest bands of all time. | ||
| Tent shows are a generic term for traveling shows that pitch tents. | ||
| So a tent show queen would have been a featured performer, probably in a vaudeville act, if the song is progressing forward in time. | ||
| The fact that she had a 16-year-old's boyfriend suggests she's either extremely sexually liberal or, more likely, prostituting herself. | ||
| If she's prostituting herself, the power dynamic is reiterated. | ||
| A black woman at the Mercy... | ||
| Of paying white men? | ||
| Huh? What kind of fucking scholarly take on this? | ||
| Yeah, I know as long as that. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What are they saying? | ||
| This is so weird. | ||
| No, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| There's a weird definition. | ||
| Yeah, there's a website that gives you insight on lyrics. | ||
| It's crowdsourced, but doesn't necessarily mean it's accurate. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| I see. | ||
| Because I'm reading this. | ||
| I'm like, the power dynamic is reiterated. | ||
| What? A black woman at the mercy of paying white men. | ||
| She advertises herself during the show and then sleeps on the side. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I'm not, you know. | ||
| Those shows, though. | ||
| You ever seen any of those? | ||
| Those black box shows? | ||
| People used to be monsters. | ||
| They were monsters. | ||
| They were monsters. | ||
| Carnies would come into town. | ||
| These carnival people would rob everybody and steal and probably murder. | ||
| Just dirty people traveling around trying to stay alive and conning people out of their money. | ||
| You know, the bearded lady. | ||
| She's got fucking glued hair stuck to her face. | ||
| What did I pay to see? | ||
| They still do that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You ever heard of this place called The Box in London? | ||
| And they have one in New York, too, but The Box? | ||
| No. Schultz took me, this fucking psychopath. | ||
| We go to The Box. | ||
| After we do Royal Albert Hall, it's a great night. | ||
| We go to The Box around 2 a.m. | ||
| That's when the show starts. | ||
| Real? It's one of those kind of shows. | ||
| 2 a.m.? | ||
| 2 a.m. | ||
| They take your phone, they lock it up. | ||
| Whoa. Joe, there's people shitting on stage and rubbing themselves in shit and fucking each other on stage. | ||
| What? And putting crazy, huge dildo rods in each other. | ||
| Are you getting anybody in trouble by saying this? | ||
| No, this is an organized business. | ||
| This is legal? | ||
| They have multiple of these. | ||
| The box, yep, that's it. | ||
| And they were shitting on each other? | ||
| Shitting on... | ||
| Joe! Shitting on each other. | ||
| Did you worry about getting shit on you while you were there? | ||
| How close were you to these people? | ||
| We had like a nice little booth. | ||
| Luckily we were with Schultz. | ||
| You gotta know when to panic and get out of the building if shit starts flying around. | ||
| Oh, dude, it was crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Once people start shitting in public, like, I'm out. | |
| I can watch this online. | ||
| I don't have to be here in person. | ||
| That night was great. | ||
| I was ready to fight because I was about to fight Schultz and them. | ||
| I walked in, and there's trannies, there's all kinds of people in there. | ||
| Right when I walk in, a big dude, dressed like a woman, but a dude, I mean, ripped, just fucking reached for my balls and dick as we're walking in. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Oh, yo, what the fuck, man? | ||
| But nobody else sees this happen. | ||
| And then he keeps walking. | ||
| And now I'm on 10. I'm like, oh, what the fuck? | ||
| You're not having fun anymore. | ||
| Now I'm ready to fight. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| This guy just, like, trying to touch my dick. | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| Kevin Spacey. | ||
| Yeah. And they think Kevin Spacey'd me. | ||
| He fucking Kevin Spacey. | ||
| I think amongst that community, that is a common way of saying hello. | ||
| Oh, it was working for him. | ||
| I saw him later, fucking pretty much having sex with the guy later. | ||
| You just gotta take a chance. | ||
| You look like a gay guy is what he's trying to say. | ||
| I think he saw the flagrant. | ||
| He thinks you're beautiful. | ||
| Maybe he did see that. | ||
| That's what Schultz said later. | ||
| Probably. Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. Probably saw that out. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| So I'm hot. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I'm on 10. But they think I'm on 10 because everyone's gay. | ||
| So Schultz and them are like, Derek, you got to stop being homophobic, man. | ||
| Like, it's just a weird show. | ||
| And I was like, I'm about to fucking kill you guys. | ||
| Like, I tried to grab my dick. | ||
| And it was just a horror. | ||
| It was like a curb your enthusiasm level of miscommunication. | ||
| But, I mean, it was one of the... | ||
| I've never been more mad. | ||
| Really? The idea of a grown man touching my dick physically like that, it was just... | ||
| It's very disrespectful. | ||
| I don't like being disrespected like that. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| Well, imagine being a woman and that happens. | ||
| That's what I was thinking. | ||
| That's how I felt. | ||
| That's reality. | ||
| There's bad people out there. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Guys grabbing asses in bars and... | ||
| Beating up boyfriends. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be careful. | ||
| You can run into the wrong dudes. | ||
| You know how people are jealous of, you know, other comic success? | ||
| Well, that ain't shit compared to, like, the way ugly dudes are jealous of handsome guys with a good-looking girl. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Then that guy becomes the enemy. | ||
| Look at his fucking pussy. | ||
| Look at this fucking pussy with that girl. | ||
| Look at her at that fucking pussy. | ||
| And all those mutts, they all get together and speak mutt language. | ||
| Yeah, fuck him. | ||
| Probably from out of town. | ||
| Probably from that other piece of dirt where all those pussies live. | ||
| Where you from, pussy? | ||
| From that pussy town? | ||
| Just another town over? | ||
| Down the road. | ||
| Some fucking rival baseball team that beat them when they were in seventh grade and they still haven't let go of it. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| They get pissed. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of idiots in the world, man. | ||
| They all need mushrooms. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| They all need mushrooms. | ||
| Yeah. Yeah, mushrooms would make you, you'd abandon all that towny shit. | ||
| You'd be like, what? | ||
| Oh my god, this is so silly. | ||
| Yeah, you realize how big the world is. | ||
| Yeah, I picked such a small camp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A town of 2200 in the middle of Nebraska. | |
| Trying to start fights with the people from Des Moines. | ||
| Yeah. Fucking Iowa faggots. | ||
| People are so silly. | ||
| They're so silly. | ||
| God, how fast would you have kicked that guy into oblivion if he tried to grab your dick like that? | ||
| Well, you don't want to just escalate right to, like, extreme violence. | ||
| That's what I told Shulson. | ||
| They were like, wow, you look so angry. | ||
| And I was like, bro, I was on, you know, you hit that point where it's like, I'm not having fun anymore. | ||
| I'm here now. | ||
| You gotta be careful, man. | ||
| People get stabbed. | ||
| People get shot. | ||
| Extreme violence should be reserved for really defending yourself. | ||
| Yeah. You have to defend yourself. | ||
| You have to know you're actually being attacked. | ||
| That guy was literally trying to have this guy on Molly. | ||
| I'm sure he's drugged up. | ||
| You're on Molly. | ||
| You're on this. | ||
| You're on that. | ||
| Cocaine. And you're fucking dressed like a fairy. | ||
| You should never exchange violence with someone unless you fucking have to. | ||
| You shouldn't do it. | ||
| Avoid it at all. | ||
| That's why I never had any street fights. | ||
| Like, avoid it at all. | ||
| I mean, I had like one in high school. | ||
| I had two. | ||
| Two in high school. | ||
| They were nothing, though. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| But then once I started competing, I was done with all that. | ||
| Yeah. But if you do tune somebody up, like they die sometimes. | ||
| Like what my instructor was saying is true, especially in the real world because people fall and they hit their head on the concrete. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| People die like that all the time. | ||
| They get knocked out, their head bounces off the concrete, and then they're dead. | ||
| Yeah. It's like getting a giant rock dropped on your head from like a second story building. | ||
| Yeah. Think about what the earth is. | ||
| You know, like the earth, like the concrete is immobile and so hard. | ||
| And all of the weight of your 200 plus pound body falls backwards and your head bounces off that concrete. | ||
| And it's the most sickening sound. | ||
| God, you hear it all the time on that mat when people get knocked out. | ||
| Yeah, but that's like way safer than getting knocked out on the concrete. | ||
| But yeah, I do hear it all the time. | ||
| It bothers the shit out of me when I see someone's head bounce. | ||
| When they get KO'd and their head bounces off the ground, I'm like, oh! | ||
| Bro, did you ever see the one when Josh Emmett knocks out Bryce Mitchell? | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| It's one of the worst one-punch knockouts in the history of the sport. | ||
| He knocks him out and Bryce Mitchell's legs are twitching and he's like locked up completely out cold. | ||
| And when he goes down... | ||
| Now imagine someone gets hit like that on the street and you fall back like that on concrete. | ||
| So not only do you get destroyed by the punch, but then you get destroyed again by the earth covered in concrete. | ||
| Bouncing off the back of your head with all the weight of your body and leverage to the back. | ||
| The head is the first thing that hits. | ||
| Your head flies back and all this weight is bang! | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| This is a crazy knockout, dude. | ||
| It's so fast you don't even really see it. | ||
| Look at his legs start shaking. | ||
| Yeah, you hear DC saying he's shaking. | ||
| He's shaking, Joe. | ||
| Oh my god, flush. | ||
| Flush. And Josh Emmett is a little tank. | ||
| I mean, he's 145 pounds for about 5 seconds until he weighs in. | ||
| Then he probably weighs about 170 and he hits like a fucking mule. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Boom! Look at the back of that motherfucker. | ||
| Look how he's built, man. | ||
| And imagine how much force is involved in that guy punching you in the face. | ||
| Oh! The craziest one I ever seen live was we were together. | ||
| We were in Phoenix. | ||
| And it was when Tony Chandler kicked... | ||
| Tony Ferguson? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's one of the scariest ones. | ||
| I remember I was, because I was high too, so I was like... | ||
| You watch his soul leave his body, come back, spiral back down into his... | ||
| It was scary. | ||
| I remember how scared I was for this grown man of like, oh my god, he hasn't moved, and he just seen that, that! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I saw that live. | ||
| That might be one of the best front kicks of all time. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| The technique is perfect. | ||
| I mean, and that's a real picture. | ||
| That's a lie that he made his face look like that. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| He looks like... | ||
| Like a grandpa in a Pixar movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Doesn't he? | |
| But, oh, that was a scary... | ||
| That was the scariest one I've seen, but my favorite knockout I've ever seen was that... | ||
| I mean, we were all in the green room. | ||
| I don't know if you were there for this one, but it was Whitney's weekend. | ||
| It was like 12, 15 of us in that green room, and it was when Izzy knocked out Poetan. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That was the greatest celebration of all time. | ||
| At all? | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Fortify your mind! | ||
| That line sticks with me. | ||
| Not just that. | ||
| The whole thing from beginning to end. | ||
| The three arrows into his body while he was down. | ||
| Breaks it. | ||
| Yeah. Izzy looks at his son and then falls on his back to mock his son because his son had mocked him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Years ago. | |
| That's how petty he is. | ||
| Years ago. | ||
| It was Kill Bill level revenge. | ||
| So he looks at his son and he falls down like the kid did. | ||
| A little kid. | ||
| And then he pops back up. | ||
| Then he pops back up and then he gives the best post-fight speech. | ||
| In the history of the sport. | ||
| It was like he wrote it already. | ||
| I remember how beautiful it was. | ||
| I wish you could feel this one time! | ||
| In your life! | ||
| Yeah. Here it is. | ||
| Oh. Now watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God! I mean, it hyped you up, dude. | |
| Bro. And then watch as he finds his son. | ||
| Remembers. He remembers. | ||
| Look, he points to you. | ||
| Look. You, you, you, you. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| That kid's like seven years old. | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so petty. | |
| That's so petty. | ||
| That is so petty. | ||
| He remembered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Found him. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's like, oh, yeah. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Motherfucker, I forgot. | ||
| Now, Joe, was he lulling him? | ||
| No, he was getting fucked up. | ||
| He was really getting fucked up. | ||
| Okay. Yeah, his leg... | ||
| He told me that his leg was getting compromised already. | ||
| One of the things in the first fight, so the first fight in the UFC... | ||
| Poeton wins and he wins by stoppage and Izzy said I wasn't even really hurt. | ||
| I just couldn't move because he had fucked my leg up so much I couldn't get out of the way of his punches. | ||
| He's like but I wasn't hurt. | ||
| Like, real badly hurt to the point where he's wobbling. | ||
| He's like, my leg wasn't working. | ||
| He kicked the shit out of his leg. | ||
| His calf kicks are so nasty. | ||
| He's like, out of all the people in the sport, he's the worst guy to have kick your calves. | ||
| Because he sneaks them in. | ||
| And there's two and three, and before you know it, ah, fuck. | ||
| My leg don't work anymore. | ||
| And now you're trying to get away. | ||
| And it's teeing off. | ||
| And you've got one leg, and you're trying to dance and pretend. | ||
| So you're putting all the weight on this leg. | ||
| So you're trying to pretend like you've got two legs. | ||
| But he can tell. | ||
| He could tell. | ||
| Thud. He hits it again. | ||
| Thud. So he had Izzy in real trouble, but he opened up too much. | ||
| He just opened up too much. | ||
| And, you know, in order to close in on someone and bang them out, you've got to leave yourself exposed sometimes. | ||
| There's risks to reward, right? | ||
| And the cautious, patient thing to do is you throw a lot of feints and then you throw your shots in. | ||
| But he was just teeing off at this point. | ||
| And when you're just teeing off... | ||
| You're assuming that the guy's incapable of countering to a certain extent. | ||
| Or not that he's incapable, you're taking the risk of getting countered. | ||
| Whereas if he just kept playing that game and fainting and moving and slowly picking and poking, he just charged in a little too much. | ||
| He thought Izzy was hurt more than he was. | ||
| And then Izzy got him. | ||
| That right hand. | ||
| He got him. | ||
| Just fucking. | ||
| One of the greatest knockouts of all time. | ||
| Especially when you think about the significance of it and you think about historically two great champions. | ||
| One guy who had knocked him out in kickboxing and then knocked him out in the UFC and then he knocks him out cold and gets petty. | ||
| And then after petty gets super inspirational. | ||
| Yeah. And gives one of the greatest post-fight speeches of all time. | ||
| I think the greatest. | ||
| I don't think there's ever been a better one. | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
| Maybe Rose Namajunas. | ||
| That was right up there, too. | ||
| That one made me cry. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| She's sick. | ||
| She's a badass, too, dude. | ||
| But yeah, that Izzy one, man. | ||
| That's... I mean, he's the reason I never... | ||
| He got me into the idea of UFC. | ||
| I never... | ||
| Before he got into... | ||
| Because he was into the nerd stuff. | ||
| Yeah. And I couldn't believe that there was a guy who was being like, yo, I'm a nerdy dude. | ||
| I like nerd shit. | ||
| Yeah. And I'm kicking the fuck out of people. | ||
| And that got me locked in. | ||
| And also like a sweetheart. | ||
| Sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| Just to hang out with and shoot the shit. | ||
| He's silly. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| He's playful. | ||
| You know, he's just a real good guy. | ||
| Real smart. | ||
| Oh, he took us to a club when we were in Brisbane with me and Schultz and him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no shit. | |
| And we just danced until like 3 in the morning. | ||
| Just fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's cool. | |
| It was awesome. | ||
| He took us to like some local spot that he likes, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's awesome. | |
| But he's the man, dude. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| He's just the fucking man. | ||
| But yeah, the nerd shit made me lock in. | ||
| It's really interesting how different those guys are. | ||
| I mean, like we were talking about like Dustin Poirier, like having a regular life. | ||
| Like the same thing with Izzy. | ||
| Like how do you have a regular life after you did that? | ||
| You did that. | ||
| You did that in front of the whole world. | ||
| The whole world was watching. | ||
| There were so many consequences on that. | ||
| Because he was winning that first fight. | ||
| He was winning. | ||
| He was ahead on points. | ||
| And then the fourth round, it was the fourth or the fifth where he got put out. | ||
| It was devastating. | ||
| This motherfucker got him again. | ||
| Because he got robbed in the first kickboxing fight. | ||
| Izzy got robbed, in my opinion. | ||
| I watched that fight several times. | ||
| Robbed is a tough... | ||
| Description, but I would say I do not agree with the decision. | ||
| I think Izzy won that kickboxing fight. | ||
| And then the second kickboxing fight, Izzy had him on skates. | ||
| Izzy had him hurt at one point in time, but he recovered, and then he caught Izzy with a left hook from hell. | ||
| Just a left hook from hell. | ||
| That motherfucker hit so hard, dude. | ||
| Yeah, it looks scary. | ||
| He hit so hard, and he wasn't as big back then as he is now. | ||
| A lot of strength and conditioning work since then. | ||
| He doesn't look the same. | ||
| Like then as he does now. | ||
| Now he looks way more strong. | ||
| And so he knocks him out and then they fight in the UFC and he knocks him out again. | ||
| And then Izzy finally knocks him out. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| And then puts the arrows in his body for the three times he beat him. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| He said that was like he didn't even think of that. | ||
| He just did three. | ||
| He just felt like doing three. | ||
| But it was really the three times he beat him. | ||
| And it just came out of his body. | ||
| It just came out of his body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This motherfucker got me three times! | |
| Oh, I don't know who was on stage that night, but we ruined their set because they came on stage like, oh yeah, you just, I'm in the middle of a joke and you just hear 30 people in the green room go, and I thought, Whitney too! | ||
| All of us! | ||
| Because it was just, oh, this is a moment, dude. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And you can feel it, just the way he did it, and then when he's yelling. | ||
| But that's one of the most inspiring, that speech. | ||
| Whenever I'm working out or doing anything, that Fortify Your Mind, it plays in my head. | ||
| Fortify Your Mind. | ||
| Jamie played that for us one time. | ||
| It's like one of the greatest speeches of all time. | ||
| And, you know, he asked me for the microphone, too. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, yeah, man. | ||
| People! Earth! | ||
| I need to say something. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| I hope every one of you behind your screens or in this arena can feel this level of happiness just one time in your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hope all of you can feel how fucking happy I am just one time in your life. | |
| But guess what? | ||
| You'll never feel this level of happiness if you don't go for something in your own life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When they knock you down. | |
| When they try and shit on you. | ||
| When they talk shit about you. | ||
| And they try and put their foot on your neck. | ||
| If you stay down, you will never ever get that resolve. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fortify your mind. | |
| And feel this level of happiness as you rise. | ||
| One time in your life. | ||
| But I'm blessed to be able to feel this shit again and again and again and again and again. | ||
| I mean, fuck, man. | ||
| Damn. While you rise. | ||
| I mean, it sounds like something from a movie, like a speech before war. | ||
| It sounds like 15 writers sat in a room and came up with the perfect lines. | ||
| Yeah. And then... | ||
| If that was in the movie Gladiator, I'd be like, oh yeah, that's how good that is. | ||
| And I bet that just came out of the moment. | ||
| I didn't even ask him. | ||
| I should have asked him next time I talked to him. | ||
| I bet that just came right out of the moment. | ||
| It was just right there. | ||
| It was a perfect event. | ||
| for him was perfect the way it went down was perfect you couldn't you never script that better in a movie no to see him flattened out out cold and then put arrows in his Bro, | ||
| Alex Pereira is the scariest kickboxer that's ever competed in the sport. | ||
| He's like the one guy above all that I would say if he hits you once you're dead. | ||
| He just has to hit you once. | ||
| And all the guys I've ever seen fight, I don't think anybody I could say that more than that guy. | ||
| Including in kickboxing. | ||
| In everything. | ||
| He has more power than anybody I've ever seen. | ||
| In fact... | ||
| Even boxing? | ||
| I don't think I've seen anybody that hits harder than that guy. | ||
| Anybody. Ever. | ||
| Ever. Ever. | ||
| Except Francis Ngannou. | ||
| But Francis Ngannou's 265. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But in weight class, like weight class to weight class, Francis can put anybody out too. | ||
| But he's not at the same skill level as Poetan. | ||
| So when Poetan does it, it's like when he switch-kicked Yuri Prohaska and KO'd him at the beginning of the second round. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| And he KO'd him already at the end of the first round! | ||
| Yeah, just terrifying. | ||
| That dude's terrifying. | ||
| Just absolutely terrifying. | ||
| That power is just from God. | ||
| It's like he's got a gift. | ||
| He's got a weird gift that's just different. | ||
| You know, there's this machine where you punch it and it registers the amount of power. | ||
| With Francis, it was like 130-something. | ||
| Something like that, right? | ||
| Francis was like 130-something. | ||
| Poetan got 191. | ||
| 191. With his right hand, and I don't even think his right hand's his power punch. | ||
| I think it's his left hook that's the big one. | ||
| I bet the big one, the left hook is over 191. | ||
| It's bananas. | ||
| His power, it's not like anybody else. | ||
| So when Izzy knocked that guy out, that, you gotta understand, that's different. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| Like, that's the top of the mountain. | ||
| That's the top of the mountain in the sport. | ||
| It's like one of the greatest accomplishments in the sport. | ||
| Yeah. It really is. | ||
| Would you say Powhatan is the fastest rise you've ever seen in the UFC? | ||
| Ever. To two division world champions? | ||
| Yeah. No one's even close. | ||
| Because that guy never says no. | ||
| They call him up. | ||
| You want to fight next weekend? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. He just fights. | |
| He fought with a broken toe. | ||
| He fought a broken hand the last time. | ||
| His hand was broken and he had a norovirus. | ||
| And he still fought. | ||
| Yeah, he's terrifying. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| I remember when he came to the mothership and they were like, the security was like, it was terrifying because he was like, I want to meet Joe now. | ||
| And security were like, I don't know what to do. | ||
| Yo, me and DC were in the hallway upstairs in the mothership, and he's teaching us how he checks the calf kick. | ||
| How he throws the calf kick different than everybody else, and he's having Polino, his coach, is translating. | ||
| So it was me and DC, and we're both standing there, and you know that little area where the elevator is, where the VIP is? | ||
| So we're standing there, and this little crowded area is like five of us, and Poetan's kicking my legs, and he's kicking DC's legs, and he's explaining how he lifts his leg up this way, and this is how he checks it, and you're like, oh, shit. | ||
| And both DC and I, would we tell people about this? | ||
| Like, I don't even know if I want to give this up. | ||
| Yeah, give this information. | ||
| Because this is, like, very good information. | ||
| Wow. Like, he never gets hurt with calf kicks. | ||
| And the way he checks them, he does, like, a hacky sack thing. | ||
| A lot of people are doing it now. | ||
| But he was, like, one of the first guys to figure that out. | ||
| That he does like this hacky sack move. | ||
| So when you go to kick his legs, instead of just checking it, where he turns it into the kick, he lifts his leg up and his leg just kind of goes like this and the kick just goes wee! | ||
| It just kind of grazes it. | ||
| So it never pounds on his calf the way he pounds on theirs. | ||
| When it's just straight and boom, you're getting that. | ||
| Force while you're playing it. | ||
| But he also has a different style like he's not heavy on the front leg because he like some guys are heavy on the front leg because they want to take him down quick So they want to be able to like move and take him down and those are the guys are gonna have a harder time getting away from that kick Because you got so much weight on that leg. | ||
| So we just thud Thud. | ||
| Thud. And then now your calf is numb. | ||
| Your foot is limp. | ||
| Your foot's just dangling around your ankle. | ||
| Oh, that guy's terrifying, dude. | ||
| And again, like, how does a guy like that go and become a regular person? | ||
| How do you integrate and just be a regular guy after that? | ||
| Yeah. It's gotta be very weird. | ||
| Like, Schaub's figured it out. | ||
| Yeah. But Schaub got lucky that he found podcasting, you know? | ||
| And he, you know, found his car show. | ||
| All gas, no brakes. | ||
| So he found a way to transition and still have a good time. | ||
| Yeah, very few guys. | ||
| Because you see, I remember just the era of watching Tyson go from fighting to finding a rhythm. | ||
| Yeah. You know, and being in movies. | ||
| So there's like fighters, like Shaw, elite fighter, you know, top 10 heavyweight in the UFC. | ||
| But then there's champions, world champions. | ||
| Guys who sell out arenas, pay-per-view stars. | ||
| Like Conor. | ||
| How's that guy go and be a regular person? | ||
| How do you do that? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Yeah, it's like... | ||
| I mean, there's no coaches for that, where they teach you how to reintegrate and become normal. | ||
| Yeah. RIP George Foreman, man. | ||
| He feels like the only one who was like, he found the grill and was like, dude, I'm fucking chilling. | ||
| We made a lot of money with that grill. | ||
|
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But he also came back when he was 36. Yeah, and won it again, didn't he? | |
| Yeah. He went all the way through until he was 45 and he knocked out Michael Moore. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Like, nobody did that back then. | ||
| When he came back at 36, I remember news articles about it, and I remember feeling sad because I knew George Foreman when I was a child. | ||
| Like, George Foreman on TV when he knocked out Joe Frazier, when Ali beat him in Africa. | ||
| That was a famous story because Hunter S. Thompson went there. | ||
| And he was supposed to watch it and write a story for Rolling Stone about it, but he was so sad that Ali was going to get fucked up that he decided not to go to the fight. | ||
| So he stayed in his hotel and just floated around the pool, and he fucked up the whole assignment. | ||
| And in the documentary, they say it was kind of like a pivotal moment in the downturn of his life, where he kind of fucked his life up. | ||
| Really? Yeah, because he failed in his assignment. | ||
| And back then, you couldn't watch the tape. | ||
| We're talking about the 1970s. | ||
| So after the fight's over, the fight's over. | ||
| You missed the fight. | ||
| You don't have a story. | ||
| And so he didn't have a story. | ||
| And he went all the way to Africa and just fucked off because he was just being silly. | ||
| And they're like, oh my god, I'm a failure. | ||
| I failed in my story. | ||
| And it was like a downturn. | ||
| And his life kind of takes a dark turn after that. | ||
| God, it's crazy how much, because you hear that, and it's that speech that Ali gave, which is also one of the most inspiring things ever when he's like, I know you got him picked. | ||
| I know you all got him picked. | ||
| You know where he gets that one? | ||
| I'll show you how great I am. | ||
| And it's like, wow, to hear that. | ||
| Even Hunter S. Thompson was like, oh wow, every casual must have been like, oh, Ali's about to get fucking. | ||
| I understand, man. | ||
| George Foreman was a machine. | ||
| He was different. | ||
| You ever seen George Foreman punch the heavy bag? | ||
| No. Bro, he punches the heavy bag different than everybody. | ||
| Because he winds up. | ||
| Not only does he wind up and punch the heavy bag, he has it stay still. | ||
| And he just hits it so hard. | ||
| And it's so terrifying that that's all he has to do in a boxing match. | ||
| He just has to kind of cover up and get close enough to just whomp you. | ||
| Just whomp, whomp. | ||
| And a lot of it is arm punches. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
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And he had a trainer, Dick Sadler, a tiny by comparison to Foreman. | |
| And Sadler would hang on to the heavy bag. | ||
| But Foreman would hit this bag. | ||
| Sadler would just literally be picked off his feet. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
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Foreman hitting the heavy bag is one of the more prodigious sights I've had in my life. | |
| It seems to me that of all the people I've seen hitting heavy bags, including Sonny Liston, No one ever hit it the way four | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| So all he's practicing is hitting hard. | ||
| He's not trying to be slick. | ||
| You notice the difference? | ||
| Yeah. The way like Canelo hits the heavy bag or Floyd hits the heavy bag. | ||
| They're working skills. | ||
| Remember when you see Tyson do it and that head is going crazy. | ||
| Tyson hit the heavy bag better than anybody in the history of the world. | ||
| Better than anybody. | ||
| Because he hit the heavy bag with all these crazy angles and speed. | ||
| Speed like a lightweight. | ||
| Speed like a lightweight. | ||
| It's bouncing. | ||
| 214 pounds moving like a lightweight. | ||
| Nobody was like that, dude. | ||
| I still maintain he's the greatest. | ||
| I think, you know, a lot of people shit on me. | ||
| They say, no way. | ||
| You don't know shit about boxing. | ||
| I just think that run, when Cus D'Amato was training him to the title, Cus was already dead when he won the title, to like a few fights afterwards. | ||
| Losing Cus, he lost his way a little bit. | ||
| But that run, when he was the man, when he knocked out Marvis Frazier, I think that's the greatest heavyweight of all time. | ||
| I don't think anybody's even close. | ||
| I think he fucks them all up. | ||
| I think he fucks them all up if they fight him during that time. | ||
| People like to discredit things because of the whole career, but they don't want to give credit to a run. | ||
| When you see somebody have a run that's truly... | ||
| It's all about the run. | ||
| It's all about the run. | ||
| Unreal. That's why I always put BJ Penn in the list of all-time greats. | ||
| Because during that run, when BJ Penn beat up Diego Sanchez, and when BJ Penn fucked up Sean Shirk, and Joe Daddy Stevenson, when he did that, I'm like, that BJ Penn might be the baddest motherfucker alive. | ||
| He might be the baddest motherfucker alive. | ||
| I would have put that B.J. Penn, I would have loved to see that B.J. Penn versus Khabib. | ||
| That would have been fucking crazy. | ||
| And a lot of people think that's a ridiculous thing to say because Khabib was so dominant and B.J. lost a bunch of times. | ||
| I'm like, you're right. | ||
| Argument, I accept. | ||
| I mean, I'm not... | ||
| Khabib might have beat him. | ||
| He might have taken him down and mauled him the same way George St. Pierre did. | ||
| He might have. | ||
| Khabib's a big guy. | ||
| Especially for lightweight and his grappling skills are unparalleled. | ||
| Khabib grapples and does fantastic with elite world championship caliber amateur wrestlers. | ||
| I've heard stories of Khabib dominating guys in the gym at AKA that are elite wrestlers. | ||
| That's how good Khabib is. | ||
| So he might have been able to do that to BJ Penn. | ||
| But BJ Penn might have got him too. | ||
| BJ Penn. | ||
| B.J. Penn might have got him. | ||
| B.J. Penn, especially when he was training with the Marinovichs, and he had an unstoppable gas tank. | ||
| Yeah. Because he went and trained with Marv Marinovich, who was like this psychopath football trainer, who had these radical plyometric training methods, and all you did was strength and conditioning. | ||
| It was like, you know how to fight. | ||
| Stop all this fight training. | ||
| We're just going to get you in the most enchained state possible. | ||
| And when they did that, BJ Penn was unstoppable. | ||
| That BJ Penn, if somebody could have corralled him and got him to stay with that guy and then train all his skills outside of camp and then only train that way when he had his world title fights and never fuck off, who knows, man? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| He could have been the GOAT. | ||
| He was so talented, man. | ||
| So talented. | ||
| That motherfucker, BJ Penn won the Mundials, okay? | ||
| He was the first American to win the Mundials. | ||
| Ever. The Mundial is the World Championships in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| As a black belt, three years into training. | ||
| Three years into training. | ||
| First of all, it's insane to get a black belt in three years. | ||
| But to get a black belt in three years and then win the World Championships is insane. | ||
| Insane. And that's, without even hearing the context, that's crazy because I know three years isn't long enough to do most things. | ||
| I was a brown belt for eight years. | ||
| I was. | ||
| And you were dedicated. | ||
| It's not like you weren't busting your ass. | ||
| Yeah, I trained a lot. | ||
| They don't give those out, man. | ||
| You have to earn it. | ||
| It has to be real. | ||
| Unless you're in a terrible gym. | ||
| If you're at a legit gym, if I'm training with... | ||
| John John Machano doesn't give out black belts. | ||
| You gotta be real to get that. | ||
| You gotta choke a lot of people to get that. | ||
| And BJ Penn got in three years. | ||
| Three years. | ||
| Yeah. That's just natural gifts. | ||
| God-given ability. | ||
| He's an addict. | ||
| He said it to me. | ||
| Like, we had a conversation on the phone once. | ||
| It was really funny. | ||
| He goes, I was talking to this guy, and he was really young. | ||
| And he was like, you know, like, he goes, BJ, I admire you. | ||
| You know, I copy your style and this and that. | ||
| And he goes, man, you got so good so quick. | ||
| He goes, man, I'm like you. | ||
| I'm an addict. | ||
| He goes, I'm just addicted to jiu-jitsu. | ||
| And he's like, fuck, man. | ||
| And then I realized that that's it. | ||
| I'm addicted to jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I got addicted to something really good. | ||
| I'm addicted. | ||
| And I was like, that's exactly what it is, right? | ||
| Yeah. It's the same thing that can turn you into a junkie, unfortunately. | ||
| Just put that dial, spin that needle towards something else, and it's over. | ||
| I knew a dude who was a world championship caliber pool player, and he was squeaky clean. | ||
| He ate well, he drank water, he never drank alcohol, he didn't smoke cigarettes, he didn't do drugs. | ||
| Straight as an arrow, super focused, world championship caliber player. | ||
| Then he hurts his back in a car accident. | ||
| And they get him on those pills and falls apart, man. | ||
| Gets addicted to those pills the same way he was addicted to being a pool player. | ||
| The same thing that made him just obsess on pool, where he's thinking about pool so much it becomes like the scariest guy to play. | ||
| The same thing. | ||
| Got him with the pills. | ||
| And then he just overdosed and died. | ||
| Young. But he was like, one time my buddies were hanging out with him and he fell asleep and his mashed potatoes just fell asleep in his food. | ||
| They were eating and he just just grayed out on pills right into his food. | ||
| And they had to pick him up out of the food. | ||
| Like, oh no. | ||
| This is a guy that was like straight as an arrow. | ||
| Clean as a whistle. | ||
| Super focused. | ||
| Always dressed nice. | ||
| Always looked good. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. Thin in shape. | ||
| Just one. | ||
| Just focused. | ||
| Click to the left. | ||
| One click to the left. | ||
| One accident and then pills and then no one understanding how addictive those fucking pills were. | ||
| The doctors never told you. | ||
| Nobody told anybody. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Now when you see like those documentaries of like how people who just like broke a leg or something and then they get them addicted to pills and next thing you know they lost their family, their job, everything. | ||
| I have many people that I know that that happened to. | ||
| Many people that I know that got injured, got on pills and just lost their lives. | ||
| Jiu-jitsu guys, friends, a lot of people. | ||
| Especially, again, back before the information was available. | ||
| Now everybody knows. | ||
| Pain pills are super, super addictive. | ||
| Everybody knows someone in their family. | ||
| Everybody knows someone that just can't get off them. | ||
| Everybody knows somebody that died. | ||
| I know multiple people that have died from pain pills. | ||
| Yeah. And so that's what got them. | ||
| But it's the same thing, man. | ||
| But that addiction is what makes you great, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's that thing in your head that makes you obsess on something. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's like this thing where you're trying to figure this thing out and you just want to get better at it. | ||
| But that could be hijacked by gambling. | ||
| That could be hijacked by video games. | ||
| That could be hijacked by anything. | ||
| Pussing, I've seen guys. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen guys. | ||
| Yeah. All that stuff. | ||
| That seems normal to me. | ||
| That, like, makes sense, like, biologically. | ||
| But the gambling one is the craziest one to me. | ||
| Yeah. That's the weirdest one. | ||
| Because that might as well be heroin to those people. | ||
| Whatever they're getting out of, like, risking $100,000 on a football game and just... | ||
| Watching people do that, I was like, oh. | ||
| Yeah. It gives me so much anxiety. | ||
| Oh, when you're in Vegas and you're walking through your casino, you just see people at that slot machine. | ||
| And they're just glazed over. | ||
| That's like the dumbest version of it, though. | ||
| But the big, risking everything on a game or risking everything on, like, roll the dice. | ||
| A roulette. | ||
| Yeah, a roulette. | ||
| Like, that kind of thing is so nuts. | ||
| It's so nuts to watch. | ||
| It gives me so much anxiety. | ||
| Like, you ever see Uncut Gems, that Alan Sandler movie? | ||
| It's one of the best movies. | ||
| I've seen it a hundred times, dude. | ||
| It's unreal. | ||
| And it just shows Adam Sandler in a way of like, oh, this motherfucker can act, act. | ||
| Act, act. | ||
| He can for real act. | ||
| For real act. | ||
| But yeah, that movie, I remember being in the theater with my wife and she's squirming. | ||
| And I was like, what's wrong? | ||
| You alright? | ||
| And she was like, this is making me uncomfortable, Derek. | ||
|
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Yeah. This is making me fucking uncomfortable. | |
| Super uncomfortable. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, this movie, it was. | ||
| Because it's the adrenaline rush you're on. | ||
| You feel like you're gambling. | ||
| Well, the movie's so good. | ||
| It locks you in, like we were talking about comedies, like hypnosis. | ||
| That movie was like hypnosis. | ||
| It locked you in to this character and his decision-making. | ||
| And this addiction to gambling that he has. | ||
| And all the shady characters around. | ||
| Everybody's pulling scams. | ||
| And everybody's doing this and that. | ||
| And there's always something happening. | ||
| There's a few movies that can lock you into a character like that where you're like, I don't even agree with this person and I'm so invested. | ||
|
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And at the end of the movie, you're like, what the fuck? | |
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| But it's one of those what the fuck moments where you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| That movie, I shut it off and I was just breathing heavy for five minutes. | ||
| Fuck! I like a movie like that, too, where you're like, this feels real. | ||
| This feels like it could happen to my neighbor, happen to my best friend. | ||
| This could happen to anyone. | ||
| You just get lost in this. | ||
| Yeah, your mind is weird, man. | ||
| People's minds are strange. | ||
| Minds can go down these weird pathways. | ||
| Most people don't have a good management system for it, either. | ||
| So it's like you're driving this car with no traction control and too much horsepower. | ||
| It's flying all over the road. | ||
| And you're freaked out. | ||
| You're always on ten. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Another movie that makes you feel that way is There Will Be Blood. | ||
| Because that's the same. | ||
| Where you're watching a guy just go through this life and you're like, I'm getting uncomfortable. | ||
| He's killing his fake brother and he's fucking... | ||
| And by the end, like you said, the ending of that one as well, where you're like, the fuck is this? | ||
| I showed it to my wife, and she literally goes,"Derek, why the fuck did you show me that?" And I was like,"You had to see it. | ||
| You needed to experience this." That's how good this movie is. | ||
| I love a movie like that, where they give me an experience. | ||
| That's one of the greatest movies ever. | ||
| Ever. For experience, just for sheer... | ||
| Just becoming that guy. | ||
| Yes. He was that guy. | ||
| You believed every single second of it. | ||
| There was no soap opera acting going on at all. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| This is my son, H.W. The way he talks. | ||
| Yeah. The way he is. | ||
| Yeah. Oh, my God. | ||
| And then you see him devolve into this crazy billionaire. | ||
| Because when we see crazy billionaires, we don't really... | ||
| And it's like to see how a person becomes a crazy billionaire. | ||
| Because he's not a regular guy in the beginning of the movie. | ||
| He falls, breaks his leg in that hole. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's a regular dude. | ||
| There's a little element of that. | ||
| You have to manage that the same way everybody manages everything else. | ||
| Imagine trying to manage being Elon Musk. | ||
| Imagine trying to manage that. | ||
| Imagine. Just trying to manage that. | ||
| I don't know how he finds the time. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It doesn't even seem real. | ||
| It could possibly be real. | ||
| Yeah, because now he works for the government along with still trying to get us to Mars and all these other cool things he's doing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And people are scrutinizing him at a level like they want him to be perfect in every way. | ||
| And it's like you don't get that out of these wacky geniuses. | ||
| You don't get perfect. | ||
| You get unbelievable capabilities mixed in with all kinds of flaws that even he makes fun of. | ||
| Like, you know. | ||
| He's even talked openly about self-inflicted wounds that he gives himself on Twitter. | ||
| He's posted about it with laughter emojis. | ||
| But he's having a good time, no matter what. | ||
| That would be like watching the There Will Be Blood guy also tweeting his thoughts. | ||
| You would see some shit where you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Well, he's not that way. | ||
| He's not like a murderous fucking psychopath who steals people's oil. | ||
|
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I drink your milkshake! | |
| He's not that. | ||
| It's a little bit in him. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| Well, I think his drive is different than most of them, and his drive is accomplishments and innovation. | ||
| Like, he's obsessed with getting people to Mars. | ||
| He's obsessed with the engineering involved in what they've accomplished already with SpaceX. | ||
| The ability to take a booster, shoot it off into space, and then the booster comes down and lands and gets caught with robot arms is so off the charts beyond anything anyone else has accomplished in the world. | ||
| of rocketry and space science and all the engineering involved, it's off the charts. | ||
| Like what SpaceX has done... | ||
| It's not appreciated enough because he's so polarizing politically because of his affiliation with Trump and because of all the propaganda that has been spun his way. | ||
| There's some definite natural reactions that people have to him that are organic and real. | ||
| Upset at some of the things he does. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| But also, there's a gigantic propaganda machine that's trying to paint him as a literal Nazi. | ||
| And they're doing it because they have a vested interest in keeping all these NGOs and all their funding in place exactly the same way it's always been, and having a genius go into all of your fucking booking. | ||
| Bookkeeping and accounting is not good if you've been unchecked for decades and you have a fucking, just an unstoppable budget and a lot of waste and a lot of incompetence and probably a bunch of fraud and theft, | ||
| too. Of course. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they've acknowledged that, you know? | ||
| One of the things they said, which is hilarious, they said he found, I think it was Social Security or Medicaid, a bunch of fraud, and then they were saying, well, actually, the government had already identified this two years ago. | ||
| Okay, but why didn't you have this press conference? | ||
| Did you just cover it up? | ||
| Did you make a big deal? | ||
| Did you stop it in its tracks? | ||
| Did you reverse it? | ||
| Did you prosecute people? | ||
| Did you get the money back? | ||
| Why are you saying,"Yeah, we already knew about that? | ||
| That's not good enough." What did you do? | ||
| How come you didn't find out about that $250 million that went to transgender animal studies? | ||
| You didn't notice that one? | ||
| You didn't notice $21 million through Iraq and Sesame Street? | ||
| You didn't notice that? | ||
|
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You didn't notice, like, fucking... | |
| Just so much of it is kooky. | ||
| It's so much money. | ||
| And the way NGOs and nonprofits work, I didn't understand it. | ||
| I didn't know that it's all, like, cyclical money that's, like, flowing around. | ||
| There's billions of dollars. | ||
| It's just flowing around. | ||
| A lot of it's unchecked, and they've been doing it forever. | ||
| And that's why we're $36 trillion in debt. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Not good. | ||
|
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How? How? | |
| How does it get that bad? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But then there's also legitimate arguments on the other side. | ||
| Like the other side is making a very legitimate argument about the right to due process if you get processed and shipped out of the country and put in a prison in El Salvador. | ||
| You know, what is the quote? | ||
| Was it Benjamin Franklin's quote about innocent and that it's better to allow 10 guilty people to go free than one innocent person arrested? | ||
| You know, I'm on that side of things. | ||
| Yeah. I mean, I think due process exists for a reason, and the reason is it is horrific for someone to be accused of something they didn't do, be imprisoned for crimes they didn't commit, and then live in a cell, live in a cage with a bunch of people who did commit shit. | ||
| Here it is, Benjamin Franklin. | ||
| It's better a hundred guilty persons should escape than one innocent person should suffer. | ||
| That is wisdom that has survived hundreds of years. | ||
| It's incredibly accurate. | ||
| And it is the foundation of freedom. | ||
| Like, we have to make sure that these people are actually guilty. | ||
| Otherwise, we become monsters. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| When you fight monsters, be careful that you don't become one. | ||
| Become one. | ||
| Yeah. Yeah. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| You know, you can't do that. | ||
| But also, you can't... | ||
| You also have to deal with the fact that the... | ||
| Current administration is dealing with the past administration allowing known gang members and terrorists to go right through the border unchecked that a lot of them they know got through. | ||
| They don't know the exact numbers, but they know there's millions and millions of people illegally just walked through unchecked and... | ||
| A bunch of them have to have criminal records. | ||
| A bunch of them have to be dangerous. | ||
| And we've seen crimes that have been committed. | ||
| It doesn't help anybody on the progressive side to deny the fact that that's a real problem. | ||
| And if it happens to your family, God forbid, I don't want it to happen to anybody's, but if it does, you will feel a sting of regret if you supported that, unlike anything you've ever experienced in your life. | ||
| You'll be like, I mean, it's one of those things where... | ||
| To support one side of this, you have to deny some like basic human values. | ||
| Either way, like to support just rounding people up and just assuming they're all gang members. | ||
| I'm not saying they're doing that, but this is the worst case scenario, right? | ||
| They get a bunch of people in a room, they rope them all in, and one guy's just someone's cousin picking someone up to give them a ride home. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| And now you're back on the one innocent person, and now you're right back. | ||
| And what if that dude is not doing anything wrong, and he's got some stupid tattoos, and they decide that this guy's a gang member, and now you're in a prison in El Salvador, and you're not even from El Salvador, and now, you know, you were just a hairdresser, or you were just a tattoo artist, or whatever you are. | ||
| You came over here, and maybe you got a green card, and maybe you don't. | ||
| Maybe you were just given asylum, because a lot of people from Venezuela were given asylum in America. | ||
| And then you get shipped to El Salvador, where you're not even from El Salvador. | ||
| So the fact that that exists scares the shit out of me. | ||
| But also the fact that... | ||
| They were just letting terrorists and gang members flow freely into the country is fucking horrible. | ||
| And when you talk about innocent people, what about the innocent people that got murdered by terrorists? | ||
| Well, not terrorists. | ||
| That really hasn't happened. | ||
| But gang members. | ||
| This trender wagwa that were taking over those apartment buildings in Aurora, Colorado. | ||
| That's scary shit, man. | ||
| Armed with machine guns, taking over apartment buildings. | ||
| What are we talking about here? | ||
| Like, what are we talking about? | ||
| You're letting that happen? | ||
| You're not sending in the troops to stop this? | ||
| Yeah, and you think that wouldn't, in your head, you're like, that can't happen in America, in Colorado. | ||
| Bro, they got a guy that had done that in California, and they refused to deport him because they said that California is a sanctuary state. | ||
| They're, like, fighting to keep a known gang member free in America. | ||
| The whole thing is bananas. | ||
| It's almost like you don't want to go full tinfoil hat Sam Tripoli style and just decide that they're trying to destroy America. | ||
| But if I was going to try to destroy America, that's how I would do it. | ||
| I'd take over the political process, impart censorship on all the social media, gaslight people to no end, consistently do it, astroturf stadiums filled with people pretending they support something, pay them to be there, manufacture a movement. | ||
| And slowly but surely bring chaos to all the cities. | ||
| Allow DAs to get elected that are the worst when it comes to protecting people and the best when it comes to freeing violent criminals. | ||
| And that's really their goal. | ||
| And they can just use words like racial justice. | ||
| Just send murderers back out into the streets. | ||
| You just create chaos. | ||
| Defund the police. | ||
| Now you have no police. | ||
| If I wanted to destroy America, I would do it this way. | ||
| What you just described sounds like a plan from another place. | ||
| If you wanted to destroy America. | ||
| Not with war, but let's just slowly let them kill themselves. | ||
| And then have them at each other's throats. | ||
| You know constantly have them fighting over political issues. | ||
| Let's get rid of Roe v. | ||
| Wade. They're a little too happy right now. | ||
| Get rid of Roe v. | ||
| Wade and the liberals are up in arms. | ||
| How are you motherfucker? | ||
| Which was getting rid of Roe v. | ||
| Wade was actually a good move if you were a Democrat because then people get upset and then they really want to vote like you could probably Ignite a lot of people and that was like There's some famous videos is one famous video of this lady celebrating that Kamala Harris is gonna win And she was like, | ||
| reproductive freedom. | ||
| Women came out to vote in unprecedented numbers. | ||
| I'm sure you've seen it. | ||
| It's a video of this lady mocking this guy working at a liquor store. | ||
| No. Did you ever see it? | ||
| Uh-uh, I didn't see this. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's so good because it's like this lady and the way she's talking. | ||
| You can't be a good person and talk to someone this way or even about someone this way and be happy in the way you're happy. | ||
| It's like people like to be shitty. | ||
| To people and think that it's justifiable to be shitty if that person disagrees with you. | ||
| So you can be shitty. | ||
| Whereas the guy in this story is not being shitty to her at all, but she's being super shitty to this guy. | ||
| But she's talking about reproductive rights. | ||
| Because that was one of the big things that got people to come out and vote for the Democrats. | ||
| If I was playing 4D chess and I was a Democrat, I was like, this is what we do. | ||
| Get rid of it ourselves. | ||
| And then campaign on that. | ||
| Okay, now we got all the women. | ||
| Pissed off. | ||
| Because women don't want men telling them what to do. | ||
| Bitch, you can't get pregnant. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Just shut the fuck up. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Until you can get pregnant, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Yeah. It's like this or this lady. | ||
| You got it, Jamie? | ||
| Nope. You can find this video. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| This poor lady. | ||
| But it's about reproductive rights. | ||
| Like, she's saying that. | ||
| And it was for a lot of people. | ||
| That was a big one. | ||
| So you would do that. | ||
| You would do that. | ||
| You would get rid of that. | ||
| You would try to get rid of the Second Amendment. | ||
| Fuck the Second Amendment. | ||
| We're going to get rid of all guns. | ||
| Oh, the fucking gun guys. | ||
| Get up for the Republicans. | ||
| And then you would say, we need open borders because we need our society's population collapse. | ||
| And they're starting to say things like that. | ||
| And we need, you know, who's going to pick cotton? | ||
| They're essentially marketing it because they're saying Americans don't want these jobs, so we have to bring people in to pick our crops. | ||
| Who's going to clean your toilets? | ||
| People are openly saying that. | ||
| Like, not realizing how racist this sounds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I remember that. | |
| One white lady, she told me, she was like, who's going to clean your toilet if they get rid of all the Mexicans? | ||
| It's like, what the fuck? | ||
| Who said that? | ||
| It was like one of those crazy views. | ||
| View bitches? | ||
| She's one of them. | ||
| Or at least a show like that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Hilarious. So there was that going on. | ||
| If you wanted to, like, destroy society and make it worse, what would you do? | ||
| You'd bring people in from a third-world country, don't have them change anything, financially incentivize them to be there, give them free money while you're not helping the poor people in America. | ||
| They were giving them debit cards, free housing, free food, putting them up in the Roosevelt Hotel in New York City. | ||
| Why old shit? | ||
| If you want to destroy society, that's how you would do it. | ||
| That's how you would do it. | ||
| I mean, that sounds... | ||
| Like it's working. | ||
| Like it's going in that direction. | ||
| So the problem with things that are going in a radical direction, then there's an overcorrection. | ||
| So the overcorrection is lack of due process. | ||
| The overcorrection is like, round them all up, ship them to jail. | ||
| That's like some things that you say when you're not thinking things through. | ||
| Like, what do you do about all the criminals? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Take them all, fucking send them to El Salvador. | |
| What about due process? | ||
| No, fuck that. | ||
| But here's the problem with fuck that. | ||
| What if you... | ||
| Are an enemy of, let's not say any current president. | ||
| Let's pretend we got a new president, totally new guy in 2028. | ||
| And this is a common practice now of just rounding up gang members with no due process and shipping them to El Salvador. | ||
| You're a gang member. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| Prove it. | ||
| What? I gotta go to court. | ||
| No due process. | ||
| That's dangerous, Joe. | ||
| That's dangerous. | ||
| We gotta be... | ||
| Careful that we don't become monsters while we're fighting monsters But then again, you got to find these motherfuckers that are here that have terrorist cells and that are ready to fucking blow up malls in Dallas and do crazy shit, which Definitely they've thwarted before. | ||
| Yeah, so like this is the best argument for Intelligence agencies is that there's real threats, you know like for someone to say fuck all the CIA fuck the FBI. | ||
| What are you crazy? | ||
| Who's gonna investigate real threats? | ||
| The real world exists. | ||
| As much as you want to pretend that we can all go kumbaya tomorrow if we all just lay down our arms, no. | ||
| There's people that are 48 years old and dedicated to crime. | ||
| They've been dedicated to crime in Guatemala, and now they're here. | ||
| And now they're selling fentanyl, and they're not going to stop. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| And they're on EBT cards, where you're getting money from the government for free every month. | ||
| Because you're in a sanctuary city, and you get free food, and you're a criminal. | ||
| And then one of them, like two of them, assaulted cops in New York City, and then got out, got free. | ||
| No cash bail. | ||
| No cash bail. | ||
| You just get out. | ||
| They assaulted cops, and then they're on the street giving the Tupac to the camera. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| No, Joe, what? | ||
| First of all, we've got to show you the Kamala Harris lady. | ||
| Do you got the Kamala Harris lady? | ||
| You can't find it? | ||
| They probably scrubbed it from the internet. | ||
| I mean, she's being shamed. | ||
| I'm not really sure what to look for. | ||
| You're putting a tinfoil hat on my head, right? | ||
| We don't have to show it. | ||
| Because we've already showed it a bunch of times. | ||
| It's how you would do it if you wanted to destroy America. | ||
| I'm not saying... | ||
| So the question becomes, like, how much of it is our own folly? | ||
| How much of it is just natural human behavior? | ||
| How much of it is, like... | ||
| The right wants law and order, so we don't want law and order. | ||
| The right wants to punish prisoners. | ||
| No, it's racist. | ||
| Racism. It's like, what is it? | ||
| That's just teams fighting. | ||
| But also, I feel like it's manipulated as well, and maybe more so than anything else. | ||
| I feel like it's manipulated. | ||
| And again, if you wanted to turn us into China, and what I mean by that is a country that's... | ||
| Facial recognition everywhere, social credit score system that's attached to all of your banking, your ability to travel, everything you do. | ||
| If you make anything online that's against the government, you could be disappeared, you could be locked up, you could be made a political prisoner. | ||
| You know, this is fun. | ||
| It felt like we were heading that way. | ||
| Yeah, I think this is something that, I think it was Metzger that said this. | ||
| No. It was Duncan that said this about Ukraine and Russia. | ||
| He's like do you realize like the Ukrainians that we're killing or that rather the Russians that we're killing by sending over arms and money to fund the Ukrainians not saying that we shouldn't do this but he's saying that a lot of those guys are being forced to go to the front line and a lot of those guys are prisoners who get released in order to fight. | ||
| So what if you're a prisoner because you wrote a bad tweet against Putin and they lock you up and then all of a sudden Ukrainians are killing you with American weapons because you tweeted bad against Putin. | ||
| So it's Putin's way of like eliminating any dissent from like... | ||
| They don't even arrest that many people online for doing things online in comparison to the UK. | ||
| The UK is getting in on it full steam ahead. | ||
| The UK is arresting people for anything that makes people uncomfortable online. | ||
| They show up at your house and just fucking arrest you. | ||
| How many people have been arrested in the UK for social media posts in the last year? | ||
| It's gonna blow your mind. | ||
| It's gonna blow your mind. | ||
| This is just post on social media like get you know We need to send these illegal immigrants back saying shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, you get arrested Arrested hate crime even if I'm joking even if I'm maybe I'm just fucking having there's no jokes. | ||
| No jokes online anymore Not in the UK not only that but the guy was the head of the UK They're saying now that they could potentially arrest Americans who have posted things online when they visit the UK Yeah, | ||
| I was reading a post about this. | ||
| Like, this law could potentially be used in this way. | ||
| That if you are a person in America and you're posting horrible shit about the UK government or the immigrant problem or whatever they have, context upon available information, exact figures 2025, not fully comprehend, 2023. | ||
| In 2023, 12,183 arrests were made across 37 police forces in the UK under Section 127 of the Communications Act. | ||
| 2003, in Section 1 of the Malicious Communications Act in 1988, equating to about 33 arrests per day. | ||
| Laws cover sending grossly offensive, indecent, obscene, or menacing messages via electronic communication networks, which includes social media posts and also DMs. | ||
| DMs. So people have been arrested for... | ||
| Horrible DMs that nobody gets to see other than the friend that you're sending it to, supposedly. | ||
| You have no idea what the context is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| I was checking into this one time recently. | ||
| It said that a lot of people may have been arrested, but many of them were not prosecuted and released very shortly after. | ||
| Right. Okay, that's cute. | ||
| It's still horrifying because what you're doing is scaring people into compliance. | ||
| They don't want to be arrested again, and they certainly don't want to risk being prosecuted, but they're forcing people to censor themselves. | ||
| I read it so that they're breaking the law. | ||
| I don't know which law they're breaking. | ||
| Well, no, they do have a law. | ||
| They don't have freedom of speech the way we have in America. | ||
| So they do have these hate speech laws. | ||
| So they are breaking a law. | ||
| But the question is, should that law exist? | ||
| And I say, no. | ||
| No, that law should not exist. | ||
| You shouldn't be able to put someone in a cage for saying... | ||
| And some of them are not that offensive. | ||
| Some of them are pretty fucking calm. | ||
| Oh, only 1,119 sentences. | ||
| Occurred for these offenses. | ||
| Okay, but the problem is now go look at how many people were arrested in Russia for social media posts. | ||
| It's drastically less. | ||
| But we think of Russia as being the country that censors people. | ||
| China and Russia, that's what you think. | ||
| Which they do. | ||
| You can't criticize Putin. | ||
| You can't go balls out. | ||
| You're risking your life. | ||
| You're in real trouble. | ||
| Not excusing that. | ||
| But what they're doing in the UK is... | ||
| At a higher level of magnitude. | ||
| I mean, maybe they're not torturing people and sending them to the front line of Ukraine, but they are putting the fear of being arrested in people if you say something that they don't want you to say on social media. | ||
| The jump from 2016 to 2023 is crazy. | ||
| Look at Russia. | ||
| 2023, 54 people. | ||
| So in the time where 12,000 people... | ||
| We're arrested in the UK. | ||
| 54 people were imprisoned for online hate speech in Russia. | ||
| This also says this information isn't very... | ||
| Russia's 100% accurate with their... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy to find. | |
| Shut up, Jamie. | ||
| From 2010 to 2024, Novaya, Gazeta, Europe reported over 30,000 criminal and administrative cases related to social media posts. | ||
| With about 1,200 being criminal cases. | ||
| So they had 1,200 criminal cases. | ||
| Common charges include extremism, inciting hatred, or insulting state symbols. | ||
| That's where it gets sketchy. | ||
| I can't even make fun of the flag or a monument? | ||
| I can't make fun of it? | ||
| Nope. Insulting. | ||
| Making fun is insulting. | ||
| There's no room for humor in a communist country. | ||
| UK sucks, dude. | ||
| But it's not, you know, Russia's not communist, really, anymore. | ||
| It's a military dictatorship, essentially. | ||
| I mean, Putin was the president, and he could only do a certain amount of time, and then he stopped being the president, and he's like, fuck it, I'm the president again. | ||
| And then no one's going to win going against him. | ||
| We have elections, but what are you doing? | ||
| The guys wind up getting poisoned and shot, and they're like, it's old school. | ||
| Yeah, he's fucking... | ||
| It's old school. | ||
| He's running that place. | ||
| It's his. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's his. | |
| You're not taking over. | ||
| Man, I seen that picture of him, shirtless on a horse, and I'm like, don't fuck with this dude. | ||
| Yeah, he's a killer. | ||
| He's a former KGB killer. | ||
| He's a judo black belt. | ||
| He's a bad man. | ||
| And he runs that country. | ||
| And they arrest less people. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck is going on in the UK? | ||
| They're leaning into the same direction that I was talking about that was scaring me about America. | ||
| I feel like there's a plot. | ||
| There's a plot to diminish the fabric of society. | ||
| Like, if you want... | ||
| Okay. Let's... | ||
| Let's just look at the whole overall world and is it fair? | ||
| It's definitely not fair. | ||
| Clearly there's a reason why these people in these third world countries want to come to Europe and why they want to come to America because it's better here and it's better there and they want a better life. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But why are they fleeing where they came from? | ||
| We bombed the shit out of those places. | ||
| We bombed the shit out of those places. | ||
| We drone bombed them. | ||
| We overthrew democratically elected governments with coups. | ||
| There's a lot of instability that's caused by us. | ||
| Like, well, it's our fault. | ||
| We're going to take these people in. | ||
| I think instead of fucking up this one country by letting everybody come in and drag it down to a third world country, I think a better solution is figure out a way to prop up. | ||
| These other countries. | ||
| The same way, I mean, in a simplistic version of it, like, if you want everything for yourself, you're selfish, but you want everything for all your boys, too, and everybody. | ||
| Everybody gets better. | ||
| The whole world gets better. | ||
| So instead of, like, shipping off jobs to Mexico where they get a dollar a day, maybe pay them real money. | ||
| Pay them what you're supposed to be paying them. | ||
| Maybe give them health care. | ||
| Maybe give them... | ||
| Maybe if you are an American citizen and you want to hire someone to do something, you have to hire someone under the same structure of ethics that we agree to in the United States. | ||
| Period. Yes. | ||
| Period. For all humans all over the world. | ||
| If the money translates lower because the American dollar is worth more, okay. | ||
| But balance it out. | ||
| Make it that, you know, they can afford food, they can afford housing, they can afford healthcare. | ||
| Make laws. | ||
| Agreed. And then all of a sudden you prop up the whole world. | ||
| And the whole world stops having third world countries, including in the United States. | ||
| Like, why do we still have ghettos? | ||
| Why have we put all this money into funding all these different things with, like, U.S. aid all over the world? | ||
| And the south side of Chicago has the same amount of murders every year, if not more. | ||
| More? Every year? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every year. | |
| Baltimore, same place. | ||
| We had a cop in once, way back in the day, that he was a cop in Baltimore. | ||
| And while they were working one day, he found a rap sheet, like a rest sheet of... | ||
| All these different crimes that were committed in all these different areas from, like, the 1970s. | ||
| And it was all the same shit that's happening today. | ||
| And he realized, like, oh, my God, it's never going to end. | ||
| Like, you're never going to fix this. | ||
| It's all the same problems in the same areas and nothing's being done. | ||
| The same drug arrests, the same violence, the same this, the same that. | ||
| All in the same places. | ||
| And all in these areas, mysteriously, all in these same areas that had been redlined during the Jim Crow era, where black people couldn't buy houses where the white neighborhoods are. | ||
| They had to buy houses in one area. | ||
| And those areas are fucked. | ||
| And no one's corrected it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even now. | |
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| But you think that's just that hard to let go of that feeling of, I have to be better than someone. | ||
| It's nice to know you're doing better than somebody else. | ||
| It's something about human beings that they like. | ||
| I think it's convenient to ignore people that you're not going to profit from. | ||
| If you are investing a bunch of money in green energy or investing a bunch of money in whatever stupid shit you're doing with windmills, someone's making money. | ||
| There's a lot of people making money. | ||
| Is money being exchanged? | ||
| If you're fixing South Side of Chicago, if you're creating community centers and robust education and counseling and providing mentorship and paths to jobs and giving people an opportunity to make real money that's enticing so they don't want to sell drugs or kill people. | ||
| Like, how are you making money doing that? | ||
| You're not. | ||
| And so people don't do it. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| But it's like what you just said. | ||
| If everyone was doing good, the world would naturally rise. | ||
| Exactly. But it would take time. | ||
| I guess you're right. | ||
| It's not a direct profit. | ||
| It would take generations. | ||
| But there's no effort being done to it. | ||
| So this guy that's seeing these crimes that were committed in the same area in Baltimore in the 1970s, and this is in the 2000s, he's seeing the same shit. | ||
| He's like, this is crazy. | ||
| This is the real systemic racism. | ||
| This is the real problem. | ||
| It's not like black people can't make it in America. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It's like there's an echo of past atrocities that exist in these pockets that's not being addressed. | ||
| It's never been healed. | ||
| Yeah. It's never been healed. | ||
| There's a convenience in allowing it to stay that way. | ||
| Like, you can count on them to vote a certain way. | ||
| If you keep giving them welfare, if you keep giving them food stamps, the people that want that are always the Democrats. | ||
| So those people are always going to vote Democrat for you. | ||
| So, like, it's within your best interest to not make them, like, conservative Republicans or, like, very disciplined and work real hard and get to the gym at 4.30 before they show up at work at 7 and kick some ass and make some fucking money, Wilson. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You don't want that. | ||
| It's convenient, because then they'll vote for you every time. | ||
| As soon as they start making money and realize, like, what is the government spending my fucking taxes on? | ||
| That's what changes you. | ||
| Immediately. The moment you make some money. | ||
| Oh, you become a Republican. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Quick. Quick. | |
| You have any hippies that I know became Republicans after they started making money? | ||
| Yeah. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. Because 50% of your money... | ||
| And you're living in a shitty... | ||
| You're like, wait, I don't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| And they're letting criminals out. | ||
| You're like, what is happening? | ||
| Why does my car keep getting broken into? | ||
| Like, what do you do? | ||
| Why are there people camped in front of my fucking house? | ||
| I gave you 50% of my money. | ||
| Yeah, this is crazy. | ||
| Dylan has a great bit about it. | ||
| About the California offering tax breaks for people that take a homeless person into their house. | ||
| Yeah, he's the man, dude. | ||
| It's one of the clips that he put up because he's got a new special that's out now. | ||
| Yeah. That he filmed at the mothership. | ||
| But it's so funny and so true. | ||
| It's like they're just trying to destroy society. | ||
| What better way to destroy your house? | ||
| You have a wife and child. | ||
| What better way to destroy your house than to bring some fentanyl addict in? | ||
| This is how you're going to create more chaos. | ||
| And then California is trying to pass a new law that's being proposed where if someone breaks into your house and threatens your life, you're not allowed to shoot them. | ||
| In your house! | ||
| Imagine someone breaks into your house and is trying to get you, has a knife coming towards you. | ||
| You're not allowed to kill them. | ||
| What am I allowed to do? | ||
| You're supposed to run away. | ||
| This hasn't passed yet. | ||
| There's no way it can. | ||
| That doesn't even. | ||
| It's so crazy, dude. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's almost like they're trying to destroy people's confidence in law enforcement, confidence in community, the feeling of being safe, ramp up everybody's level of anxiety, and then offer a solution. | ||
| And the solution is to disarm everybody. | ||
| The solution is to clamp down further and further on gun laws, make it very difficult to have a gun. | ||
| You can't have magazines more than 10 rounds. | ||
| You can't concealed carry. | ||
| You can't do this. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| If you have it in your car, you have to have the bullets in the trunk and the pistols supposed to be locked up. | ||
| There's all these crazy laws that are just slowly but surely trying to take away your... | ||
| And you can say, no, those laws to keep people from road rage and shootings and criminals commit crime. | ||
| Laws don't stop criminals from breaking laws. | ||
| Laws keep law-abiding people from protecting themselves. | ||
| Damn. That's the fact. | ||
| That's the fact. | ||
| A criminal's going to do it anyway. | ||
| The gun's illegal. | ||
| The fucking identification number has been sawed off. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Like you said, they've been driven to that point. | ||
| If I'm at that point, there is no rule that's going to stop me. | ||
| There's no rule. | ||
| Have you ever seen that show, Trafficked? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| This is an amazing show called Trafficked, and they went down to L.A., and they followed these rogue cops who are bringing guns into Mexico and selling them. | ||
| Whoa. Yeah. | ||
| That's one of the episodes. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, Mariana Benzella. | ||
| She's amazing. | ||
| She's been in the podcast a few times. | ||
| Brilliant. It's fearless this lady. | ||
| She went to Columbia into the jungle where they were making coke and then went with the mules, hiked it out with backpacks full of coke. | ||
| They had backpacks and she followed them and hiked it out. | ||
| They showed her how they make the coke, where they make the coke. | ||
| They changed the wording on this bill. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| This is where it's scratched out. | ||
| Scratched out part says the bill would eliminate certain circumstances under which homicide is justifiable, including amongst others, in defense of a habitation or property. | ||
| The bill would additionally clarify circumstances in which homicide is not justifiable, including among others, when a person uses more force than necessary to defend against a danger. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| That means you shoot a guy more than once. | ||
| I gotta know he's down. | ||
| Right, but you killed him instead of just shooting him. | ||
| That's what they're saying. | ||
| But you don't under... | ||
| With this bill, this bill is like not understanding fight or flight and violence and the chaos of you realizing your life. | ||
| Or your family's life. | ||
| What? You just want to shoot that person. | ||
| This is what it says about that part. | ||
| Okay. The bill would eliminate that provision. | ||
| The bill would also specify certain circumstances in which homicide is not justifiable, including when a person was outside their habitation or property and did not retreat when they could have safely done so, when a person used more force than a reasonable person would have. | ||
| So that right there. | ||
| Listen to that. | ||
| A person was outside their habitation or property and did not retreat. | ||
| When they could have safely done so. | ||
| Meaning if someone's breaking into your house, you're on the outside of the house, you don't go into the house to confront them. | ||
| You retreat. | ||
| You're supposed to retreat. | ||
| What if I have family in the house? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| This rule already is like, well, this doesn't make sense. | ||
| It says it specifies the circumstances, so that might be... | ||
| But no, but Jamie, you would do it in the context of the sentence. | ||
| This bill would also specify certain circumstances in which homicide is not justifiable, including when a person was outside their habitation or property. | ||
| But it's not, like, it's not... | ||
| If you're outside, it's saying you have to try to retreat. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But what if someone's in your home? | ||
| That doesn't clarify that. | ||
| So there's circumstances when it still could be. | ||
| It's just that there's certain circumstances when it's not justifiable. | ||
| It still could be. | ||
| Right. But the certain circumstances is listed, including when a person was outside. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| He brought up a situation. | ||
| Jamie, it's obvious. | ||
| It's obvious. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I read. | ||
| I'm reading. | ||
| This is not necessary. | ||
| And did not retreat when they could have safely done so. | ||
| When a person used more force than a reasonable person. | ||
| That's so subjective. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's not a real thing. | ||
| What about Tim Kennedy? | ||
| Is he reasonable? | ||
| That's not a reason. | ||
| What about Jocko? | ||
| Is Jocko reasonable? | ||
| Yeah. But people have to keep their cool. | ||
| What'd you say, Jimmy? | ||
| That's when you win a good jury, too. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| Why would you count on that? | ||
| I'm not saying you're counting on it. | ||
| I'm just saying that's why you want one. | ||
| I didn't say that's why you need one. | ||
| I said that's why you want one. | ||
| If I was a judge, I'd say you're argumentative. | ||
| However, the bill would specify that homicide is justifiable if the initial aggressor actually... | ||
| and in good faith tried to stop fighting and indicated they wanted to and tried to stop fighting as specified or in cases of mutual combat the initial aggressor gave the opponent an opportunity to stop fighting so if someone starts fucking you up and then gives you an opponent it gives you an opportunity rather to stop fighting and you don't you keep fighting them and kill them but they've already started fighting with you You're in danger zone. | ||
| To be reasonable while your life is in danger is to open yourself up to getting fucked up. | ||
| Because it's like, no, no, come on, man. | ||
| It was like, bang, motherfucker! | ||
| And then you're out cold. | ||
| You've already engaged in violence. | ||
| It's so subjective whether or not you should stop or not stop. | ||
| When you should stop is when that person's 100% incapacitated. | ||
| And that might mean kill them. | ||
| If you don't know what's going to stop them. | ||
| If you have a gun and someone is charging at you with a fucking machete and you bang, bang, bang while they're still alive and that winds up killing them, you could have just shot them once. | ||
| You could be in front of a jury and they could say, you could have stopped with the first bullet. | ||
| And then you have a coroner who says, yes, the first bullet was fatal. | ||
| Or, yes, the first bullet would have stopped him, but he shot him two additional times. | ||
| Like, now you're in jail. | ||
| Now you're in jail because you were in terrified of your life and you thought you were gonna die and you did something in a split moment where you're not even thinking straight like you're you're To ask an accountant to keep his shit together in a look if you ask a Navy SEAL to keep his shit together and they're they're fucking they're probably like oh Finally someone broke into my house. | ||
| Oh this motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, but some guy actually did try to break into Tim Kennedy's house And he, you know, he didn't even hurt the guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He just said, you made a giant mistake. | |
| He came up with a gun and got rid of the guy. | ||
| That's like those guys who start bar fights with UFC dudes. | ||
| You see those kind of videos? | ||
| Bro. Where you're like, oh, brother. | ||
| You've seen the Joe Schilling one, right? | ||
| Oh, he bumps it. | ||
| He kind of like, some dude's dancing and just being a dick. | ||
| Yeah. And then he gets him at the bar and just bump up, bump. | ||
| It's so quick. | ||
| Well, the dude tried to get him to flinch. | ||
| Yeah, he jumped at him. | ||
| Jumped at him. | ||
| And he just, ding, ding, ding. | ||
| The wrong dude. | ||
| I mean, that's karma. | ||
| Yeah. Those things almost make me feel like we're in a simulation. | ||
| That's supposed to happen in that order. | ||
| When someone just hits a level of douchiness, you're supposed to run into Joe Schilling. | ||
| That's the perfect karmic response to a negative and a positive and a thing. | ||
| I go in and out. | ||
| I just feel like we have to be really careful in this country that we don't get more divided by all this fucking political chaos that we're experiencing. | ||
| We've got to be real careful as human beings that we don't fall prey to that. | ||
| This is not smart for anybody. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| It's not smart. | ||
| There's so much unnecessary conflict, you know? | ||
| Well, it's usually... | ||
| And it's just people picking that one side. | ||
| And like you said, you can't... | ||
| Of course, I don't think people should be coming to the country and all that stuff, but I also do think women should be able to do what they want with the fucking baby in their stomach. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Up to a point, right? | ||
| Up to a point, of course. | ||
| But like you said, if some woman got raped and she's pregnant now, like, yeah, let her, what are we doing right now? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| Where's the human aspect of it? | ||
| And then also, like, if you don't feel for people that walked here with their babies because they just want to get a job as a landscaper, like, I get it. | ||
| Let them have it. | ||
| I just, but how do you know? | ||
| I think the process for getting people in should be – but it's also – it's like how many can we support? | ||
| Like what kind of a strain is this on Social Security? | ||
| What kind of a strain is this on Medicare? | ||
| Have this been – and is there a way to like make where they're from better? | ||
| And wouldn't that like increase – Revenues? | ||
| If all of a sudden you had another country right next door that's buying and trading and making tons of money, wouldn't that be better for everybody? | ||
| If they stopped being a third world country and became a first world country, wouldn't that be super beneficial? | ||
| Has that never come up? | ||
| Why don't we just try to make this place a better place? | ||
| This is what you've got to realize when it comes to politicians. | ||
| Most of them are already dead or on their way. | ||
| Unless you're J.D. Vance, he's really young. | ||
| Tulsi Gabbard's young. | ||
| Yeah, Tulsi's the shit. | ||
| Most of these people, when you're in office, like Trump is almost 80. Biden, did you see what Biden said yesterday? | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| Oh. Jay, did you see it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. They let him talk. | |
| He's like, what, 80-something, 90? | ||
| Out of nowhere, they let him talk. | ||
| And I'm like, who's letting him talk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is crazy. | |
| Here, I'll send you this, Jamie. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| He's fucking gone, bro. | ||
| He's gone, and they let him talk. | ||
| They just let him get out in the open and put a microphone in front of his face. | ||
| But I guess, like, as a former president, you can kind of request... | ||
| Speak my mind! | ||
| One day just had just enough mixture. | ||
| They filled them up with enough peptides. | ||
| Got a little pep in his step. | ||
| You're feeling good. | ||
| Yeah, man, it's a former president. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Give me some volume and go full screen because this is you got to see his face And I had never seen | |
| I'd never seen hardly any black people in Scranton at the time, and I was only going in fourth grade. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I remember seeing the kids going by at the time called colored kids on a bus going by. | |
| They never turned right to go to Claymont High School. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wondered why. | |
| I asked my mom, why? | ||
| So in Delaware, they're not allowed to go to school, in public school, with white kids hunting. | ||
| That sparked my sense of outrage as a kid, just like it does-- I mean-- And these young kids right here can tell you things affect them when they learn about something that's really just unfair and unjust. | ||
| You know, my dad, my dad was an honorable man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And my dad used to have an expression. | |
| He said, Joey, your job's about a lot more than a paycheck. | ||
| It's about your dignity. | ||
| It's about respect. | ||
| It's about being able to look your kid in the eye and say, honey, it's going to be okay and mean it. | ||
| That's what you're all about. | ||
| That's what the legislation is about. | ||
| It's about dignity. | ||
| Simple dignity. | ||
| Everyone, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. | ||
| Regardless of their standard, regardless of their economic system, regardless of who they are. | ||
| Yeah! Making sure that more than 60 million Americans who are living with disabilities are treated with dignity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's who we are as Americans. | |
| That's what it's about. | ||
| I hope he does more. | ||
| We should have him at the mothership. | ||
| Yeah, we got him. | ||
| Let him go up. | ||
| Give him 10. Give him an hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At school, in their communities. | |
| Give him a drink. | ||
| He might die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In every corner of American life, laws like the ADA need advocates like you. | |
| You can tell he got something. | ||
| He took something that morning. | ||
| He was fired up. | ||
| He was feeling good. | ||
| They got him on a good dose. | ||
| He had a nice nap. | ||
| He had a good nap. | ||
| But it's crazy to let him do that, because now we know he wasn't really running the country. | ||
| Yeah. We used to think he was actually running the country, and now they're like, no, he didn't even see those executive orders. | ||
| Like, that was all auto-penned. | ||
| He didn't even sign those things. | ||
| Yeah, it is crazy how old they are. | ||
| That's a weird, that auto-pen's a weird thing. | ||
| How lazy are you, bitch? | ||
| How many, how many... | ||
| How many things are you signing that you have to auto-pen things? | ||
| That's crazy that you can auto-pen. | ||
| The whole thing is supposed to be signature. | ||
| That's your job. | ||
| Also, that's the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's your job. | |
| You read it, you go over it, you make sure it's right, and you sign it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck are you doing? | |
| What are we paying? | ||
| I don't understand shit, man. | ||
| What the fuck are we doing? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| How are you auto-penning shit? | ||
| That's the crazy thing about all those pardons. | ||
| How many pardons did he have? | ||
| I think he had 9,000 pardons, and it was all auto-penned. | ||
| So it's like everybody's like, if I had imagined, like worst case scenario, I'm not assuming or accusing anybody doing this, but I would imagine if you got a hold of that auto pen, be like, yo, yo, yo, I got the auto pen. | ||
| Who needs? | ||
| All the boys is out. | ||
| I need money. | ||
| I'm trying to get rich, and you're trying to get free, and let's get something rolling. | ||
| Just hitting that button. | ||
| First of all, if you can't be tried, Because they decide that you're mentally incapable of standing trial. | ||
| That's what they said about him. | ||
| They were going to try him on some classified documents case. | ||
| They said the judge ruled that he was incapable of standing trial while he was running for president for the second term. | ||
| While he was running for president, they were saying he's incapable of standing trial. | ||
| So if we're saying that there's something wrong with him cognitively, but we're still allowing him to give people pardons? | ||
| Like if he can't... | ||
| If he's not sane enough, if he's not there enough to stand trial, how could he be there enough to decide whether or not someone deserves a pardon? | ||
| That seems insane. | ||
| And then, how could he use the auto pen? | ||
| He's like, what about that guy? | ||
| Yes, pardon him! | ||
| What about that guy? | ||
| Let him off! | ||
| He deserves it! | ||
| 9,000! | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| If you have all the time in the world, how are you going over 9,000 cases? | ||
| Most of those were the marijuana releases. | ||
| Well, that's nice. | ||
| How many of them? | ||
| 6,500 or so. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| But auto-pinning it is, when you think about what that means, that is crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. It's just, is that shit for sale? | |
| Pardons are crazy anyway. | ||
| You just let somebody out of jail because you're the king. | ||
| Because you're the king? | ||
| I'm the king. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking fuck that trial. | |
| Yeah. Fuck that jury. | ||
| I like that guy. | ||
| You're free, bro. | ||
| I don't mind it. | ||
| Yeah. That's crazy power. | ||
| Let people out of jail. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And mass numbers. | ||
| What was the total? | ||
| I'm trying to find the exact number. | ||
| Okay. Because 9,000. | ||
| But 6,500, I agree with. | ||
| I agree with all those marijuana ones. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| That's not a real thing. | ||
| I feel bad. | ||
| That's the craziest shit that there were people in Colorado that were in jail for selling marijuana, looking out the window of their prison. | ||
| To marijuana dealerships. | ||
| Selling marijuana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Legally. And nice packaging. | |
| With barcodes on it. | ||
| Cartoon characters smiling when they're high on them. | ||
| Snoop Dogg on the cover of a bag. | ||
| See, that's the good thing about progressive governments, right? | ||
| Progressive governments like Colorado, they realize that people's right to experiment with all kinds of different things, including alcohol. | ||
| But also, like, you should have the freedom to take things. | ||
| You should have the freedom to explore your own consciousness. | ||
| And Colorado agreed with that real early. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's the good thing about progressive governments. | ||
| And that's the bad thing about a lot of conservative governments. | ||
| They want to stop you from doing that. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They want to prosecute people for that fucking grass. | ||
| That dirty... | ||
| Where's your dope? | ||
| You're fucking dope. | ||
| Yeah, they don't like it when your mind opens up a little bit. | ||
| But you said it earlier. | ||
| Oh, man, if we could just get everybody on mushrooms, everybody might love each other and all these things. | ||
| Yeah. That is scary. | ||
| I don't think they think that way, though. | ||
| 8,000. | ||
| A record-setting number includes a collective act of over 6,500 individuals for marijuana possession convictions. | ||
| So it's really not like he has more than anybody else. | ||
| Yeah, Washington did it. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like more than everybody else. | ||
| Because it's just 6,500. | ||
| He actually only released 1,500 then. | ||
| Yeah, look at Andrew Johnson. | ||
| It ended up being closer to 9,000, I think, at the end of the day. | ||
| Oh, at the end? | ||
| So even then, 2,500, pretty normal. | ||
| Yeah. Like, how many did... | ||
| Obama did... | ||
| Almost 2,000. | ||
| What about Trump? | ||
| He did 1,500 on the first day, because there were all the January 6th people. | ||
| How come Trump didn't free Joe Exotic? | ||
| Let him go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tiger King 3. We need it. | |
| He'll need a 230 on the first term. | ||
| Oh, only 237. | ||
| That's not a lot. | ||
| Oh, so the new one, when he came back, he pardoned 1,500 individuals connected to General. | ||
| They keep saying Capitol riots. | ||
| Yeah. But Andrew Johnson, 8,000. | ||
| Pardons? That's what it said. | ||
| Andrew Johnson. | ||
| He sold those bitches. | ||
| For silver coins. | ||
| sitting in his fucking bathtub with all these silver coins. | ||
| But that's crazy that pardons were going back all the way to George Washington. | ||
| Yeah, how many did George Washington have? | ||
| A lot, right? | ||
| 1,700? | ||
| Is that what it said? | ||
| Good old George. | ||
| Yeah. It's crazy. | ||
| I just got into that stuff because I saw Hamilton like two weeks ago for the first time. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| You ever seen that? | ||
| No. Is it good? | ||
| Brother. You see it on Broadway? | ||
| Brother. I saw it on, they brought it to Texas, the Bass Concert Hall. | ||
| And then in these last like three weeks, I have studied everything. | ||
| I'm addicted to it, bro. | ||
| Really? Joe? | ||
| Derek? It's the second greatest piece of art to ever be art. | ||
| What's number one? | ||
| Harry Potter books. | ||
| I wish you were here for this argument. | ||
| Harry Potter books is number one. | ||
| When he was going off at Mitty's about this. | ||
| Well, these motherfuckers was trying to bring up the Bible. | ||
| It's like, get the fuck out of here, dude. | ||
| Harry Potter's better than the Bible? | ||
| Not even close. | ||
| Really? It was, Joe, it's already the second greatest selling book of all time, and it's only been out since 1997. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| That is pretty crazy. | ||
| I'll tell you what, my kids were addicted to it. | ||
| When I read it, I read it like a month ago. | ||
| I just found out about both these things. | ||
| Really? I saw the movie. | ||
| I knocked it all out. | ||
| Wow. I knocked the whole thing out. | ||
| How is it? | ||
| It's the greatest thing ever. | ||
| Is it better than the movie? | ||
| It's not even close. | ||
| And I love the movies. | ||
| Movies are great. | ||
| But it's so fucking good and so in-depth and so... | ||
| I mean, it's the classic hero story, you know, a hero's tale, but man, it's so fucking good. | ||
| And rereading it and just how deep the characters are and how incredible it is is beautiful. | ||
| But Hamilton is number two, greatest art. | ||
| And I mean, when I say art, I mean anything ever written, painted, musically sung. | ||
| Really? One, two. | ||
| Wow. And then the Bible? | ||
| Maybe The Departed. | ||
| Departed might be three. | ||
| Have you ever seen The Departed, man? | ||
| When that elevator opens up and Leo gets his hand blown off, I think, oh, I feel it still. | ||
| Departed might be three. | ||
| You just killed all your credibility. | ||
| You took Departed over Apocalypse Now. | ||
| Oh, Apocalypse Now. | ||
| That was a great thought. | ||
| What day you take Departed over Apocalypse Now? | ||
| I love Apocalypse Now. | ||
| But Hamilton Joe. | ||
| That good. | ||
| Brother, it's so... | ||
| If you like history, because I'm not a history guy. | ||
| Hasan, me and Hasan talk about it, because he loves history. | ||
| And I know what I know, but I'm not looking for it. | ||
| I watched this shit, man. | ||
| It was so cool. | ||
| Everything is educational. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| And you think it's gay, because it's like, oh, it's a musical. | ||
| You think it's gay? | ||
| Everyone's black. | ||
| Like, why is Thomas Jefferson black? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Everyone in the play is black, and they're all playing these guys, Thomas Jefferson and Washington. | ||
| But everything is singing. | ||
| The whole thing is singing. | ||
| So the writing is incredible, and it's literally the story of Alexander Hamilton, and I had no idea how important this man was. | ||
| Wow. He was an orphan. | ||
| And then, you know, it ends, of course, with the duel between him and Burr, which is insane. | ||
| You know, Burr was vice president when he killed the treasurer. | ||
| Really? Hamilton was treasurer, and he killed him in a duel while he was vice... | ||
| President. That's crazy. | ||
| Because they had 15 years of beef and you get to see why they've been beefing. | ||
| It's just two ideologies of this man grew up orphaned. | ||
| Mom died. | ||
| Dad left him. | ||
| He's from the Caribbean, Alexander Hamilton. | ||
| He's just an absolute genius who had to come out of the absolute mud. | ||
| Aaron Burr is a trust fund kid who is a politician through and through. | ||
| He was raised to be a politician who never, you know, his cards are close to his chest and he never shows anybody what he's thinking. | ||
| True politician. | ||
| Hamilton's a wild guy. | ||
| Well, I mean, everything. | ||
| He didn't like how Hamilton always is talking. | ||
| Hamilton is a loud guy and he's just rambunctious and didn't follow the rules of politics. | ||
| He was a wild card. | ||
| He was also young. | ||
| And Burr was like, no, you do it this way, you do it this way, that's how you're supposed to do it. | ||
| So that happened for 15 years. | ||
| And then what made him kill him was Burr was going to be president. | ||
| He was going against Jefferson. | ||
| Jefferson and Hamilton had been beefing. | ||
| They hate each other. | ||
| But Hamilton didn't like Burr so much because he said at least Jefferson stands for something. | ||
| And the last vote to make Jefferson president over Burr was Hamilton. | ||
| And so that, and then of course he talked some more shit about him and then Aaron Burr was like, we're dueling. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| With musket guns. | ||
| Musket guns. | ||
| Those old school bullshit guns. | ||
| Because he shot. | ||
| Burr, I mean, Hamilton wasn't trying to kill him. | ||
| He shot over his head, because that was like a thing you do if you weren't trying to kill somebody, but you were like, I'm letting you know, but like, we're doing it, but I'm not trying to kill you. | ||
| But he didn't know, because he shot first. | ||
| Burr just thought he missed. | ||
| So he shot him right in the fucking stomach, right in the wrist. | ||
| Killed him. | ||
| And it was like a few miles away, maybe like right near the same spot where Hamilton's son died three years before. | ||
| That's like the law. | ||
| That law of knowing when it's too much. | ||
| Like, he could have just shot over him. | ||
| Good if the other guy shot over him. | ||
| But I thought you just missed. | ||
| How am I supposed to know? | ||
| I thought you were trying to kill me. | ||
| I thought you were trying to kill me. | ||
| Exactly. And no one saw it because, you know, so to have a duel, you had to have other people there. | ||
| You had to have a doctor. | ||
| You had to have two people. | ||
| You had to have representatives, all this stuff. | ||
| But everyone turns around. | ||
| So that way there's no one could go to prison for it. | ||
| So they tried Burr for it, but there's no eyewitness. | ||
| Wow. And it ruined the rest of Burr's life. | ||
| The rest of Burr's life because everyone loved Hamilton. | ||
| Because Hamilton was George Washington's right-hand man. | ||
| He fucking is one of the main reasons we won the Revolutionary War. | ||
| He was the... | ||
| I remember when David Letterman got caught for cheating and was like, well, I'm going to go out and... | ||
| I'm not going to get blackmailed. | ||
| I'm going to go out and say, hey, I cheated on my wife. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Like, I'll take the heat. | ||
| Hamilton was the first guy to do that. | ||
| Really? The Reynolds pamphlet where a woman did the same thing. | ||
| He fucks this lady and her husband comes up to him later and is like, hey, you owe money. | ||
| The husband's like, hey, you fucked my wife. | ||
| I know you fucked my wife. | ||
| I know who you are. | ||
| You can keep fucking her. | ||
| I think she's a whore, too. | ||
| He said it, but I want money. | ||
| Really? How much money? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it was like $30. | ||
| But I don't know what that was at $1,700. | ||
| If I could go back and talk to Hamilton, give him the money, man. | ||
| Dude's cool. | ||
| No, but he wanted continuous money. | ||
| How much? | ||
| I don't know the number exactly, but I think it was... | ||
| How good is this lady? | ||
| How fun is she? | ||
| Apparently she was pretty good. | ||
| If you can keep this relationship going, it's beneficial to everybody involved. | ||
| Everyone, dude. | ||
| You just need a little money? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You're not even mad? | ||
| Yeah. And you got the money! | ||
| You Hamilton! | ||
| What the fuck is he doing? | ||
| Spend that money. | ||
| Spend them fun coupons. | ||
| But I think he also still... | ||
| He didn't like that the other politicians were using it over. | ||
| Like, hey, we found out that you were doing this, that. | ||
| But weren't they all monsters back then? | ||
|
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They're all monsters. | |
| They're all slaves. | ||
| That's what's the craziest thing. | ||
| The moral high ground of the beginning of this country. | ||
| We're getting away from these evil... | ||
| We got slaves! | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| Everybody's a monster. | ||
| Yeah, washes the most love, had the most. | ||
| It's like everywhere you go, there's hypocrisy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, did you ever see that thing when Don Lemon was talking to this lady about reparations for slavery? | ||
| Did you ever see that thing? | ||
| No. Oh my god. | ||
| Please find this. | ||
| Don Lemon is talking to this British lady about reparations for slavery, and she lays out the beginnings of slavery to Don Lemon, and you see Don Lemon's dumb ass like,"Oh, very interesting." Watch this. | ||
| He didn't know. | ||
| It's just, he was saying something. | ||
| That, you know, there should be reparations for slavery. | ||
| I think it's a political talking point at this point, Tom. | ||
| I think there's people that still think that people today should get money because their ancestors were slaves. | ||
| I totally understand that argument. | ||
| However, what this lady's saying... | ||
| Did you find it? | ||
| It just has like a five-second thing and then it talks about the whole... | ||
| Oh, but there's a video. | ||
| I watched it yesterday. | ||
| I'm just saying I didn't have it on the thing I'm looking for. | ||
| Okay. I bet on YouTube it's available. | ||
| Don Lemon, for a smart guy, seems like an idiot sometimes. | ||
| For a guy who looks smart. | ||
| There's other people reporting on it. | ||
| Okay, let's hear it though. | ||
|
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And then you have those who are asking for reparations for colonialism, and they're wondering, you know, $100 billion, $24 billion here and there, $500 million there. | |
| Some people want to be paid back, and members of the public are wondering, why are we suffering when you are... | ||
| You know, you have all of this vast wealth. | ||
| Those are legitimate concerns. | ||
| Well, I think you're right about reparations in terms of if people want it, though, what they need to do is you always need to go back to the beginning of a supply chain. | ||
|
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Where was the beginning of the supply chain? | |
| That was in Africa. | ||
| And when across the entire world, when slavery was taking place, which was the first nation in the world that abolished slavery? | ||
|
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The first nation in the world to abolish it. | |
| It was started by William Wilberforce, was the British. | ||
|
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In Great Britain, they abolished slavery. | |
| 2,000 naval men died on the high seas trying to stop slavery. | ||
| Why? Because the African kings were rounding up their own people. | ||
| They had them on cages, waiting in the beaches. | ||
| No one was running into Africa to get them. | ||
| And I think you're totally right. | ||
| If reparations need to be paid, we need to go right back to the beginning of that supply chain and say, who was rounding up their own people and having them handcuffed in cages? | ||
| Absolutely, that's where they should start. | ||
| And maybe, I don't know, the descendants of those families where they died in the high seas, trying to stop the slavery, that those families should receive something too, I think, at the same time. | ||
| Look at that dumbass. | ||
|
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It's an interesting discussion. | |
| He knew he was in deep water. | ||
| She knew what the fuck she was talking about. | ||
| And he knew he had no history in his mind. | ||
| He's like scouring his mind for an argument. | ||
| Like, yeah, I'm gonna check out on this one right here. | ||
| He wasn't ready for that. | ||
| The producer's in his ear. | ||
| Wrap it up, Don. | ||
| Wrap it up. | ||
| Wrap it up. | ||
| We're going to commercial. | ||
| We're going to Pfizer. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| When the woman brought up the ships and everything, you're like, ooh, she knows what the fuck. | ||
| We got a Rosemba commercial on deck. | ||
| Wrap it up. | ||
| Wrap it up. | ||
|
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Oh, that big, oh, oh. | |
| Yeah, that's the dirty thing about it. | ||
| It's like people were monsters. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Irish were slaves forever. | ||
| People were indentured servants. | ||
| They're brought over here. | ||
| People have been monsters forever. | ||
| And instead of doing that now, now they're picking fruit. | ||
| Picking lettuce. | ||
| Yep. You know, with no health care. | ||
| For $2. | ||
| Yeah, and we're shipping jobs over to there. | ||
| So they work in these factories. | ||
| They're working 16 hours a day for $1 an hour. | ||
| Or $1 a day sometimes. | ||
| Joe, when I was in Abu Dhabi, one of the drivers who was taking us somewhere, he said he was happy. | ||
| He was happy because his family lives back in Lebanon or wherever they lived. | ||
| But he was happy because he just got a raise to like $2 an hour. | ||
| Whoa. But, I mean, Joe, you'd have thought he was a millionaire now. | ||
| Yeah. He was like, oh my god, like, it's like a 50 cent raise. | ||
| But he was like, the things I'll be able to do for my family back in Lebanon and all this stuff. | ||
| And it was like, holy shit. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. And then you're there and everything there is beautiful and pristine and everything seems like the richest things in the world. | ||
| And they were really nice to us and it was awesome. | ||
| Because we were getting to do the rich things. | ||
| Yeah. But when you were talking to that guy, I vividly remember that conversation because of how truly happy he was. | ||
| He wasn't. | ||
| In his head, he was like, this is great. | ||
| Right. $2 an hour. | ||
| His expectations were very low. | ||
| Yeah. That's the reality when people like Bernie Sanders talk about oligarchs. | ||
| If you're going to have haves, like extreme haves, just by the nature of the world, you're going to have have-nots. | ||
| And the disparity between haves and have-nots is... | ||
| Off the charts. | ||
| And it's probably only going to get bigger. | ||
| That's what's really kind of scary. | ||
| With AI and the ability to generate wealth and what you're going to be able to figure out and do and the different ways that people are going to be able to manipulate markets and dominate certain industries with AI, I think the have and have nots. | ||
| And then you're going to have also automation, which takes over everything. | ||
| Everything. So all these jobs. | ||
| Gone. Bro, I was just driving. | ||
| Have you ever, like, we're not going to be driving much longer, dude. | ||
| I don't think my kid, I don't think my kid's going to know driving. | ||
| I think they'll know, like, no, you just, everyone has an automated car. | ||
| Yeah, check this out. | ||
| I'm going to share this with you, Jamie. | ||
| I did this yesterday in my car. | ||
| My car just drives itself, dog. | ||
| Just drives itself. | ||
| If you have a Tesla, if I put in my address, I go, I press these buttons, and it just takes off. | ||
| It stops at red lights. | ||
| It changes lanes. | ||
| It, like, slows down when the traffic slows down, speeds up when the traffic speeds up. | ||
| You could completely check out if you wanted to. | ||
| Totally check out. | ||
| You could totally check. | ||
| I don't do it. | ||
| I keep my hand near it. | ||
| I'm still freaked out. | ||
| Because you've been driving your whole life. | ||
| Yeah, it's also just feels weird. | ||
| But it does it. | ||
| You got the video name? | ||
| And it does it well, too? | ||
| I'm just trying to make sure I'm not showing it. | ||
| I've got other stuff on the screen, and it doesn't cover that up. | ||
| Oh, does it show things on the screen? | ||
| On my screen. | ||
| Oh, how dare you? | ||
| Did I fuck up? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I just... | ||
| What does it show, like, my address? | ||
| No, it shows stuff that I don't want shown on the screen. | ||
| Oh, oh, I see. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| This is me in the car yesterday. | ||
| I don't like to do it all the time, but every now and again, it's pretty wild. | ||
| It changes lanes, it hits the blinkers. | ||
| See, look at C's, all those cars, that screen, it's representative of all the cars. | ||
| It knows where all the cars are. | ||
| Look, it's changing lanes. | ||
| It hits the blinker and changes lanes to get around these trucks. | ||
|
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It's the future. | |
| Wild. It's over. | ||
| How wild is that? | ||
| It shows you on the screen, on the front where your dashboard is, it shows you all the cars around you. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| It keeps track of them. | ||
| It knows how fast they're going. | ||
| See that guy past me on the left? | ||
| It shows that. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| He's flying by you, so it's like, no, it knew the speed and rate that he was going. | ||
| And it knew that there was an open lane, so it hit the blinkers, and it changed lanes. | ||
| And it knows there's people behind me, it knows there's people to the right of me. | ||
| It stops at red lights, dude, and then speeds up again, stops at stop signs, it sees the cars to the left and cars to the right, knows when to go, and you can just kind of check out. | ||
| You just, like, hold your hand like this, think about your life. | ||
| Have the robot drive you around. | ||
| That is just gonna be everywhere. | ||
| Everyone's gonna be driving in these robot taxis. | ||
| You're not gonna own a car. | ||
| Like this is what the World Economic Forum wants. | ||
| You will own nothing and you'll be happy. | ||
| You'll be like that man who has two dollars an hour and so happy. | ||
| All your food will be free. | ||
| You don't need a job. | ||
| That's where the have-and-have-nots get sketchy. | ||
| Because when automation takes over everything, don't worry, we'll give you universal basic income. | ||
| And so they give universal basic income to everybody, so everybody's reliant 100% on the government now. | ||
| And then there's people that own... | ||
| All the electric taxi companies and own all the computer factories and own all the AI companies. | ||
| The semi-trucks that'll be automated. | ||
| Those are the oligarchs. | ||
| Those are the haves. | ||
| And the haves never want to give that up. | ||
|
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They always want more and more and more. | |
| They always want to keep winning that game. | ||
| They want to be the first trillionaire. | ||
| They want to keep stacking. | ||
| Game of Thrones, dude. | ||
| Because then it goes to your family and your family. | ||
| And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, maybe our family could be president one day. | ||
| Our family now came. | ||
|
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I drink your milkshake. | |
| That's it, man. | ||
| What a callback. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
|
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That's it, man. | |
| It's a natural human dominator instinct. | ||
| It's a tribal dominator instinct. | ||
| And it's just applied to fiat currency and Bitcoin and financial power and influence. | ||
| And they want to control social media. | ||
| We're going to give everybody a vaccine. | ||
| Nuts! You know those Waymos? | ||
| This is how I know it's going to be half and half nuts. | ||
| You know those Waymos cars? | ||
| Those self-driving cars? | ||
| If you order one, it's still the same price as an Uber, pretty much. | ||
| So it's like, where is this money going? | ||
| I thought the money was going to the driver. | ||
| I thought, okay, I'm giving half the money to the company, probably half the money, or whatever, however they split it. | ||
| So now you're telling me there's no driver, but the price is the same. | ||
| So you're not going to lower the price. | ||
| Where is this extra money going? | ||
| In their pockets. | ||
| More profitable. | ||
| Because they're going to do that with semi-trucks. | ||
| They're going to do it with everything. | ||
| And then they're going to try to pass legislation to stop driving. | ||
| You shouldn't be able to drive because their money is in driving you around. | ||
| Why should you be able to drive? | ||
| You're dangerous. | ||
| You cause accidents. | ||
| Statistically, humans cause all these accidents. | ||
| You drink? | ||
| Humans do this? | ||
| Bro, that's how they can get you. | ||
| That's why they're saying, you know, we don't need beef. | ||
| Cows are destroying the environment. | ||
| Cows are responsible for climate change. | ||
|
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And what a convenient thing I have here in my plant-based meals. | |
| My plant-based burgers. | ||
| You need unstoppable meat. | ||
| Whatever the fuck they have. | ||
| But it'll be just like Animal Farm because they'll still be eating... | ||
| They'll be eating... | ||
| The top people are going to eat cheese and the nice fun things. | ||
| Bro, they're going to be eating Dodo Bird burgers. | ||
| They're eating Siberian tiger loin. | ||
| They're having a good time carving up some rhino steaks. | ||
| They're a bunch of monsters. | ||
| You know the whole market for rhino horns? | ||
| You know what that market is for? | ||
| What? It's rich people that want to get off on the fact that they're drinking tea from an endangered species. | ||
| Rhino horns, that's what they're valuable for. | ||
| That's why people are killing people. | ||
| People, so that they can kill the rhinos, they can cut their horns off so they could sell them to Asia, where very wealthy people get off on the fact that they're drinking rhino horn tea. | ||
| And they think it makes your dick hard. | ||
| Yeah, they do think it makes your dick hard. | ||
| Which is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. You know about Viagra, bitch? | ||
| Have you heard of Blue Chew? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| There's way better ways. | ||
| You don't have to kill a rhino, but that's not the point. | ||
| The point is they want to kill the rhino so that they get this forbidden thing. | ||
|
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We're responsible for extinction here as we sip this tea. | |
| That's how dark people get. | ||
| That's like the type of people that want exclusive things. | ||
| That's Squid Game. | ||
| That's that. | ||
| I want to watch people kill each other. | ||
| Darkness, man. | ||
| That's darkness. | ||
| That's real human beings will do that. | ||
| They will drink rhino horn tea. | ||
| That's the only market for rhino horns. | ||
| They're not valuable. | ||
| It's not like tusks. | ||
| Elephant tusks are made out of ivory, and ivory is very valuable. | ||
| And they use it for all kinds of different things. | ||
| They always used to use it for ornaments. | ||
| They used to make pool balls out of ivory. | ||
| And then they stopped allowing people to sell ivory, and then you could only buy pre-ban ivory in America. | ||
| But that makes sense, because you're killing an animal for this one thing that's a commodity, and it's fucked up. | ||
| But the rhino horn don't even make sense. | ||
| Like, you're killing an animal just so you can drink the tea? | ||
| That's crazy, and they're almost extinct. | ||
|
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Also, to kill such a, like, a creature. | |
| Wow, this is a fucking animal, dude. | ||
| A crazy-looking creature, man. | ||
| Like, it doesn't look like it belongs in this time. | ||
| It looks like it's one of the dinosaur days. | ||
| I read this thing yesterday about, you ever heard the bear that's called the boss? | ||
| Oh yeah, that one bear that's... | ||
| He's got like thousands of kids. | ||
| He got hit by a train. | ||
|
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Twice! That means he got hit by a train and it was like running back. | |
| Running back, you bitch-ass train. | ||
| I'm gonna knock this motherfucker off the tracks this time. | ||
| He got hit by a train twice, has all the cubs, and apparently eats other bears sometimes just to remind people because he's so old that the young bears try him. | ||
| So I read he eats them sometimes just to be like, I gotta let everybody know. | ||
| Bears eat bears. | ||
| That's real common. | ||
| Yeah, they eat cubs. | ||
| It's real dark. | ||
| A friend of mine saw it. | ||
| He saw my friend Jonathan up in Alberta. | ||
| He saw a bear and the sow and the boar were fighting. | ||
| So males, the boar, females, the sow. | ||
| They were fighting because the bear, the male, was trying to kill the cubs. | ||
| And so the female's trying to fight him off. | ||
| And eventually she can't fight him off and he gets a hold of one of the cubs and kills it. | ||
| And then she scares him off of the cub that he killed. | ||
| And then she eats the cub. | ||
| She eats her own cup. | ||
| Once it's dead, she's like, I'll just eat it. | ||
| Why do you think it's food? | ||
| Once it's dead, it's just food. | ||
| Bro. You think $2 an hour is hard life? | ||
| Bears is shitting on ghettos. | ||
| Like, you think it's hard? | ||
|
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Bitch, I go outside every day thinking I'm going to get eaten. | |
| Dealing with the boss bear. | ||
| Yeah. Well, that's what happens also when you have... | ||
| That's how nature balances out ecosystems, right? | ||
| Because if there's no natural predators for bears, they have to eat themselves. | ||
| Because nothing can eat a grizzly bear. | ||
| So they have to eat each other. | ||
| That's the only way they keep the population down. | ||
| To keep it. | ||
| So there's still some salmon and some other things left for everybody else. | ||
| So when cubs are born, there's two things that happen. | ||
| One... Well, there's three things. | ||
| One, the male thinks of them as food. | ||
| So he wants to kill them for food. | ||
| Like, they hunt them. | ||
| They go into the dens. | ||
| When the males come out of hibernation early, they go into dens to look for cubs to eat them. | ||
| They know they do that for food. | ||
| Two, they try to bring the female into estrus again. | ||
| So if they can kill the cubs, then the female will want to breed so she can have more cubs. | ||
| And so it'll get the female so that she'll want to breed again. | ||
| And then three is competition. | ||
| They look at those cubs as potential future competition. | ||
| So it's all these horrible ways. | ||
| It's this beautiful nature. | ||
| Nature's amazing. | ||
| Nature is a fucking bloodbath. | ||
|
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|
It's a bloodbath. | |
| Even the grass is screaming. | ||
|
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|
They found out that grass screams now. | |
| Plants make noise when you're eating them. | ||
| They just can't move. | ||
| That's too much. | ||
| The fact that we... | ||
| Are the apex because you were saying some yesterday we were talking we were saying how like it's crazy to think that aliens wouldn't think we're interesting Yeah, that's that dumb argument that I had with Neil deGrasse Tyson like what are you saying? | ||
| Because when you think about like me we are the top dog on this planet That's interesting in itself different than everything else here if you're gonna study anything anywhere in the fucking universe Of course you would study human beings if you're gonna study Anything. | ||
| You would go, what is this wild, crazy, territorial primate with nuclear weapons and cell phone addictions? | ||
| What is this motherfucker? | ||
| And they're soft. | ||
| We can easily be killed. | ||
| Easily. And we're still top dog. | ||
| And they might have made us. | ||
| They might have engineered us, son. | ||
| That's a real, on the table, less than 0% or more than 0% possibility. | ||
| We might have been genetically engineered. | ||
| It's a real possibility. | ||
| It's a real possibility when you look at other primates and us, like, what happened here? | ||
| What happened here? | ||
| How are our cousins still roaming around barefoot, covered in hair? | ||
| Yeah. You know? | ||
| Swinging from trees, eating bananas. | ||
| And we are, somehow or another, flying rockets with an all-chick crew. | ||
| And then landing with parachutes. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Why are we so different? | ||
| And why we keep seeing UFOs? | ||
| Like, what the fuck is going on here? | ||
| And we control it. | ||
| We control the tigers, the things that could kill us. | ||
| We're like, no, we're in charge. | ||
| Yeah, we're in charge. | ||
| Those bitch-ass water balloons. | ||
| We're basically blood balloons, sticks holding it all together. | ||
| Compared to things that are fucking built like trucks. | ||
| Yeah, like a rhino. | ||
| Like, how the fuck is a rhino in danger for its stupid horn when our bitch asses are killing a rhino? | ||
| Yeah, dude! | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| We're not even eating them. | ||
| Just killing them and sawing off their fucking horns. | ||
| That would be, yeah. | ||
| If you're an alien, you're like, they do what? | ||
| Do you see what they're doing now to rhinos to prevent this? | ||
| They dart them and saw their horns off first so that no one wants to kill them. | ||
|
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How fucked up is that? | |
| How fucked up? | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| No, but the rhino must... | ||
| Need the horn for protection. | ||
| It must need it in some way. | ||
| If they want to fight. | ||
| Yeah, they want to fight other rhinos and fight off lions and shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, they need that horn. | ||
| I mean, there's a reason why they have it. | ||
| Yeah. Yeah, they evolved to have this giant fucking weapon in the middle of their face. | ||
| So to cut it off. | ||
| I mean, fucking badass. | ||
| What a fucked up way to go. | ||
| You ever see them launch lions into the air? | ||
| Yeah, fucking launch those motherfuckers in the air. | ||
| Like, fuck you, bro. | ||
| Try getting through this. | ||
| But yeah, to cut that off, what does that do to the rhino? | ||
| Can it live out in the... | ||
| Yeah, it lives fine. | ||
| Okay. It lives fine, but it just doesn't have a weapon anymore. | ||
| But it also is not attractive to the main monster, which is humans. | ||
|
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And humans that just wanted to drink a tea to get your dick hard. | |
| Just get rocked up. | ||
| Whoa. Bricked. | ||
| It don't even work, I don't think. | ||
| Does it work? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's rhino horn. | ||
| It might be one of them ancient Chinese secrets. | ||
| It's legit. | ||
| Does Rhino Horn get your dick hard? | ||
| No evidence. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I have a friend. | ||
| You know that Ron Taylor comedian? | ||
| Afro? He's in the Grand Mothership. | ||
| He told me he took it one time. | ||
| He's like, man, I couldn't see anything, but my dick was fucking touching the ceiling. | ||
| Really? He took Rhino Horn? | ||
| He took, but like the gas station. | ||
| I don't know if that's real. | ||
| Oh, that's not the same thing. | ||
| Is that not the same thing? | ||
| That's those Red Band pills. | ||
| No. But he said he couldn't see, but man, his dick was hard. | ||
| He said he could feel it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| That's like Rhino 2000, those gas station boner pills. | ||
| Yeah. Those are legit. | ||
| Sometimes. But, I mean, you want to talk about taking a chance on your life. | ||
| Like, who knows what's in there? | ||
| Who knows what's in there? | ||
| That was another thing I was reading about, like, Chinese illegal vapes. | ||
| Like, bootleg vapes that have entered into this country. | ||
| Like, pretending to be, like, legitimate companies that are selling vapes, and they're just using fucking gutter oil, and who knows what the fuck's inside of those things. | ||
| People are getting sick from them. | ||
| Yeah. No one gives a fuck about you, man. | ||
| Not in most of the world. | ||
| Most of the world is trying to get them dollars. | ||
| Get them dollars. | ||
| Fuck the world. | ||
| Oh, fuck that, man. | ||
| All right, Derek, tell everybody about your special. | ||
| We talked this whole time. | ||
| Didn't tell anybody about your special. | ||
| We didn't, but my brother, first thing I ever put out, man, I'm really excited. | ||
| First thing I ever put out, dog. | ||
| I'm excited for people to see. | ||
| And the Don't Tell, I really appreciate them, and I feel like they're the new premium blend or Comedy Central Presents. | ||
| Like, back in the day, you know, that. | ||
| Because I feel like Kill Tony is a mix between late night and America's Got Talent. | ||
| It's like a different thing. | ||
| Whereas this is for guys who are more my age who are like, alright, big companies really don't want them. | ||
| And you can put it on YouTube yourself, but do you have the money to make something that looks nice? | ||
| We'll make it for you and get you your first, so you can have your first thing out. | ||
| And where can people watch it? | ||
| YouTube. Don't tell comedy. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Beautiful. Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| I'm very happy for you, brother. | ||
| I'm very happy. | ||
| I've been watching you grow since you came to Austin. | ||
| It's been beautiful. | ||
| It's been amazing. | ||
| And knowing you from the Comedy Store, you were one of the first guys to take the chance coming out here. | ||
| We all just said, fuck it. | ||
| Yeah, dawg. | ||
| Wound up together and we were right. | ||
| We were right. | ||
| We were fucking so right. | ||
|
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We were so right. | |
| We're having so much fun. | ||
| I mean, even Joey's going to be here tonight. | ||
| It's old school days. | ||
| It's old school days. | ||
| Yeah, Joey's here tonight. | ||
| Very, very excited. | ||
| And, you know, Joey's performing here. | ||
| Moon Tower's in town. | ||
| Todd Glass was there last night. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| It's been Joe DeRosa moved here now, too. | ||
| He's the fucking best. | ||
| I love him, man. | ||
| We are having so much fun, man. | ||
| We're having so much fun. | ||
| It's the best, dude. | ||
| I appreciate you, brother. | ||
| I appreciate you, Joe. | ||
| Thank you so much for this, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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Thank you. | |
| My pleasure. | ||
| Everybody, go check it out. | ||
| It's on YouTube right now. | ||
| Derek Poston on Instagram. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes, sir. |
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