April 15, 2025 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:55:22
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Let's go! | ||
| How are you, fella? | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| Dude, you're fucking dripping with diamonds, sir. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| The road's been good to you. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| I'm just so empty inside. | ||
| This fills the hole for like... | ||
| Like, it's like, you know, you go buy, you're like, oh, and then you get home and go, I hate my life. | ||
| I hate my insides and no spirituality. | ||
| But I get to look at my just emptiness on, you know. | ||
| Dripping with wrapper diamonds. | ||
|
unidentified
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I've ran out of, I've ran out of shit to buy. | |
| So, like, there's nothing. | ||
| What kind of car are you driving? | ||
| A Lexus IS350. | ||
| Oh, those are fun. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| That's a good car. | ||
| Bulletproof. Never, never going to break. | ||
| And it's so fast. | ||
| Yeah. You know, it's... | ||
| But this is how fucked it. | ||
| Okay, so the two... | ||
| Okay, I had the Lexus 350, right? | ||
| Right. Or whatever. | ||
| And I had it for seven months, maybe. | ||
| I went in to get it serviced, and I was kind of depressed, so I bought a different car. | ||
| I said, this is fucked up. | ||
| So I bought the... | ||
| IS 350. | ||
| I had the other car for seven fucking months. | ||
| I go, you know what? | ||
| That one looks cool. | ||
| So I bought that. | ||
| And then I went in to get it, that service. | ||
| And it was the exact same car a year later. | ||
| But I liked the newer color. | ||
| The newer gray. | ||
| That gray, that whatever weird gray. | ||
| Like a slate gray? | ||
| Yeah. It looks good, I said. | ||
| You know what, fuck. | ||
| Give me this car. | ||
| So I traded. | ||
| Do you keep swapping them out? | ||
| Yeah. They must love you. | ||
| Yeah, they fuck. | ||
| I'm such a mooch. | ||
| On one year of my wife's birthday, I bought myself a new car on her birthday. | ||
|
unidentified
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I bought a BMW on her birthday with happy birthday. | |
| We could drive around in this. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That probably played off well. | ||
| Ah, fuck. | ||
| I buy her cars. | ||
| So, you know. | ||
| I get bored easy. | ||
| I get bored easy. | ||
| And it's because of, you know, in life, in life, really, like, I see some of my friends doing arenas, doing this, doing that. | ||
| But I have enough. | ||
| I really have enough. | ||
| But it's not enough. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yeah. I think for my career, not for my personal life. | ||
| My personal life, I got three fucking great daughters, three grandkids, another one on the way. | ||
| My seven-year-old is going to go to college, has pick of all kinds of schools, you know. | ||
| Good schools. | ||
| I fucking... | ||
| In 11th grade, I raised my hand and go to the bathroom, and I never came back. | ||
| I just walked out. | ||
| Like, I'm a fucking idiot. | ||
| You know, my past. | ||
| And my kids all grew up... | ||
| Okay, the old one married a black guy, but he's light-skinned. | ||
| But anyhow, the prettiest baby on the planet. | ||
| So, I have enough. | ||
| But when it comes to career as a comic, and you know... | ||
| Just one more fucking thing. | ||
| Just one more thing. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I do know what you're saying. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| You know, I've had specials. | ||
| Not Netflix, but it's always... | ||
| It's like I'm always doing the other club. | ||
| Right. You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm always... | ||
| And I'm very blessed and I love what I've achieved in this business, but it seems like it's always like... | ||
| Okay, I got a special on Amazon now. | ||
| But it's not... | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| Amazon didn't buy it. | ||
| We placed it on that. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| So it's always... | ||
| There's always one little thing. | ||
| When every pilot my wife and I have had together, or I've had, gets this close to getting picked up. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I've heard... | ||
| Some of the no's I've heard... | ||
| They almost sounded like yeses. | ||
| They were such good no's. | ||
| I walked out and go, that was the best no today. | ||
| That fucking no almost felt like a yes. | ||
| So, in this business... | ||
| Do you think you put something in your mind to make all these things kind of fall short? | ||
| Have you ever thought of that? | ||
| Well, that's what my wife says. | ||
| Yeah. Do you ever thought that maybe the way you interface with the world is like your expectations are tempered? | ||
| Like in a way where you almost want to fail because it's more comforting that it happened again rather than this new thing of success, which is going to force you to really focus and work harder to get more success. | ||
| And it's a lot of pressure. | ||
| And then you think about all the times you fucked up before and you don't want to hear no again. | ||
| You don't want to hear it, but you feel like it's coming and you almost make it come. | ||
| Well, I get that. | ||
| In life growing up, From my childhood through drug addiction, I became comfortable being uncomfortable. | ||
| That was my life. | ||
| Right. Comfortable being in the skids. | ||
| Yeah, this was what I was used to. | ||
| In this business, I don't really ever set myself up for failure. | ||
| I mean, I produce. | ||
| I come up with albums. | ||
| I'm always coming up with new material. | ||
| And I got seven albums. | ||
| I'll probably make an eighth album, which is a pretty... | ||
| It's a lot for a career, I would imagine. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| I don't go into clubs and drink. | ||
| I don't hit on waitresses. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| But my wife says the exact same thing you're saying. | ||
| My wife said to me once... | ||
| She said, because I had this power of thinking, like, when I think really hard, it comes to me shit, right? | ||
| And my wife goes, if you think you deserve a million dollars, you'll get a million dollars. | ||
| And I said, God gives you what you need, not what you want. | ||
| And then she said, do you think Chelsea Handler needed a TV show? | ||
| So she kind of, like, debunked my whole need, you know, and want thing. | ||
| If you believe in some kind of power greater than you, I'm not religious by any fucking... | ||
| But shit comes to me. | ||
| I don't think I fucking... | ||
| I don't screw things up like, you know, in meetings or when we do pilots or whatever. | ||
| I do what I'm supposed to do, so I don't know. | ||
| I mean, in comedy, yeah, for years I might have been a little aggressive on stage or, you know, a little whatever. | ||
| You know, I think everything now, especially now with clubs or whatever, it's all numbers. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| If you light the waitstaff on fire, if you sold out the room, oh great, you were fabulous. | ||
| I was working catch years ago, I was at catch, and Bill Hicks, okay, so David Brenner's on stage, and they love David Brenner. | ||
| He's killing, killing. | ||
| It was during the peak of David Brenner. | ||
| He gets off, Bill Hicks goes up, and he says, Growing up as a kid, I would see Robert Klein and David Brenner, and I figured if they could do it, I could do it. | ||
| That was his opening show. | ||
| So, now he's doing his bit about Nancy Reagan, skinny, whatever, and calling her the Antichrist. | ||
| I mean, people are running out the door. | ||
| They're running out the door. | ||
| And then he gets off stage. | ||
| And he says to me, he goes, what went wrong? | ||
|
unidentified
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But I swear to God, he goes, what was wrong? | |
| Was he serious? | ||
| Yes. Or was he joking around? | ||
| No, he was, whatever, he was Bill Hicks. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's hard to tell with him. | ||
| But anyhow, the manager or booker, now after I said to him, you can come and do a spot here anytime you want, because he was Bill Hicks. | ||
| Do you see what I'm saying? | ||
| He was Bill Hicks. | ||
| I worked with him in Texas. | ||
| It's when I first started. | ||
| And I'm watching him, you know. | ||
| And we'll get back on track. | ||
| I'm sorry to go off on these things. | ||
| Don't go wherever you want to go. | ||
| So we're working in Texas. | ||
| He just breaks up. | ||
| His girlfriend breaks up with him at the time. | ||
| It's a true story. | ||
| So he goes, where can you get a hooker? | ||
| A prostitute and a cab driver. | ||
| I like how you had to clarify. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| There's a lot of these young kids now that listen, okay? | ||
| A prostitute, okay? | ||
| So a cab driver takes them to one house because they would take you to the... | ||
| And I go with him. | ||
| He goes, take a ride. | ||
| So then we go to one house. | ||
| She knocks on the door. | ||
| And she opens the door and goes, you're a cop, and slammed the door on him. | ||
|
unidentified
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Slammed the door on his face. | |
| He looks like a cop. | ||
| Then he went, but he also, the next place the cab driver took him, she opened the door and goes, you're too young, and slammed the door on him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The next night, he did 10 minutes or whatever on how he can't get... | ||
| Can't pick up a prostitute in Lubbock, Texas. | ||
| I go, I'll never be this funny as long as I fucking live. | ||
| I've watched people going, amazing. | ||
| Then I was running then with Bastille. | ||
| That's when I was running with Bastille. | ||
| Frankie Bastille? | ||
| I'll tell you a good story. | ||
| I think I told you this story. | ||
| I've told this story and it's been told, but I don't know if I told it years ago when I did this. | ||
| And then I'll get back to it. | ||
| I'm not self-sabotaging. | ||
| That's what you were getting to in my head. | ||
| Am I self-sabotaging? | ||
| No, not self-sabotaging. | ||
| I don't think it's a self-sabotage thing. | ||
| It's not understanding the energy that you're putting out there and being accustomed to a certain result. | ||
| If you're accustomed to missing your playing pool, you're accustomed to missing the nine ball, you're going to miss that fucking nine ball every time. | ||
| Well, it happens in golf, too. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| You gotta reset the way you think about things. | ||
| And if there's something that's eating away at you, that bothers you, that occupies your thoughts, you have to figure out what that is and clean that up. | ||
| That's a big part of the problem with a lot of people. | ||
| A lot of the problem with a lot of people is maybe they don't like something about themselves, they don't like what they've done, they don't like choices they've made, and that's in your head all the time. | ||
| The lack of clarity, the lack of peace is in your head all the time. | ||
| This is not an easy thing I'm saying. | ||
| I'm not saying this is like, okay, here's the real formula. | ||
| Just go out, follow these three steps, and you're going to be rich and famous. | ||
| It's not that. | ||
| It's just that success generally happens when you've got as many pieces as possible in order correctly. | ||
| And failure generally happens when you're overwhelmed by too many things that are not working right. | ||
| And your attention and your focus is on them. | ||
| You're divided. | ||
| You know, a lot of times you see it's like a terrible relationship. | ||
| I've known a lot of really talented people that sabotage themselves with a terrible relationship. | ||
| And they think somehow or another that... | ||
| This is just how relationships are, and they're terrible in that relationship. | ||
| And then they can never be who they could be. | ||
| They can never reach their full potential because they're always burdened down by these fucking squabbles they're having with their girlfriend or their boyfriend. | ||
| That's also, too, a God thing where you think, I could fix this person or I could change him. | ||
| No one can change him. | ||
| That's Brian Callen. | ||
| Crying out his whole life, I would tell him,"Get out now." I would meet his girlfriend, I'd be like,"Get out now." I met one girl that he dated, I literally, within five seconds of saying hello to her, I'd go,"Come here." I pulled him aside. | ||
| Cut to, okay? | ||
| He doesn't listen. | ||
| Later that night, she's drinking wine, she's fucking hamburger. | ||
| It's a disaster. | ||
| She winds up living with him, eventually figures it out, gets rid of her. | ||
| A couple years later, he's walking down the street on Sunset, and she's street walking. | ||
| No. Yes. | ||
| Girl he was living with at one point in time. | ||
| This is Brian Callen. | ||
| He felt abandoned when he was young. | ||
| And so he... | ||
| I believe I'm speaking for him. | ||
| And so he's a sweet guy. | ||
| And he tries to reach out and fix people. | ||
| Well, here's my Brian Callen story. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| I was middling for him at Caroline's. | ||
| Which will never happen again. | ||
| Because Caroline's is close. | ||
| I'm middling for him. | ||
| So I get off stage and I'm single. | ||
| This fucking smoking hot girl comes up to me and she goes, come on, let's leave. | ||
| Right? I go, I gotta sell my DVDs or CDs. | ||
| I have to sell my DVDs or CDs after the show. | ||
| I'm sitting there selling CDs and I see Brian walk out with her right past me up the stairs. | ||
| I fucked up. | ||
| But maybe I didn't. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Well, you definitely didn't because Bonnie's awesome. | ||
| No, I wasn't. | ||
| It worked out for you in the long run. | ||
| But it's, yeah, you definitely should have left with her. | ||
| No, I shouldn't have because that in life is where I was supposed to be at that time when I was there. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| No, you're correct. | ||
| Anything could happen. | ||
| What if she's a nightmare and then you miss out on whatever, $400, $500 you would have made selling DVDs? | ||
| Oh, I didn't make that much. | ||
| I never know. | ||
| $100? Even $100. | ||
| Now you're going to a nice restaurant. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| You know, it's this whole negative thing with my... | ||
| And this isn't ego by any stretch when I say stuff like this. | ||
| And I've, and my wife, I know I've earned respect from my peers. | ||
| I know it. | ||
| You definitely have. | ||
| From white to black comics. | ||
| Black comics that most white comics don't even know. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, you did a lot of those rooms back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, and all those TV shows. | ||
| I did them all. | ||
| Yep. You know. | ||
| Please, I started black comedy. | ||
| So, okay. | ||
| You can only hold a white man down so long. | ||
| So, and like, I think in life, I'm more about respect than accomplishment. | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| So you're more about the respect from your peers. | ||
| Not only my peers, the industry too, though. | ||
| The industry doesn't know. | ||
| Like, say some club owner. | ||
| Let's say a club owner. | ||
| They're not sitting in the room watching your shows. | ||
| All they care about are the fucking numbers that come in. | ||
| I had a club owner once, I said to him, and you're lucky, you're way out of that, but I'm in that. | ||
| So I said to a club owner once, he goes, I said, look, I'm as funny as I've ever been right now in life. | ||
| He goes, that doesn't fucking matter. | ||
| What does that matter? | ||
| And it's all a quick fix. | ||
| Right, they just want to sell tickets. | ||
| Sell tickets. | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| They've got to keep the doors open. | ||
| But that's the weird marriage between the club owner and the comic. | ||
| You know, I used to tell comics, you know, we're not... | ||
| Every comic feels like they're battling it with club owners. | ||
| Like the club owner's never giving them enough money. | ||
| The club owner's fucking them over. | ||
| Lied about it being sold out. | ||
| It was definitely sold out. | ||
| I want my bonus. | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| Yeah. You don't want to be a club owner. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| I mean, I give that advice, then I became one. | ||
| But just by necessity. | ||
| But I was like, this is an important relationship. | ||
| You gotta be nice to them, and so they respect you. | ||
| Because everybody in the beginning, you feel like you're ignored by them. | ||
| But it's a weird thing, because they're just in the business of comedy. | ||
| Unless you get like Brian Dorfman in Zanies, he really loves comedy. | ||
| There's a few Wendy from Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| I'll turn my Wendy story in a few years for me. | ||
| I love Wendy. | ||
| Better be a good story. | ||
| You'll like it. | ||
| Okay, but my point is it's like... | ||
| Well, Corey in Rhode Island's one of the best fucking nicest guys on the planet. | ||
| Rhode Island's? | ||
| Yeah. What's that one? | ||
| Comedy Connection. | ||
| Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Mark and Rochester. | ||
| James and Governors. | ||
| The Comedy Connection in Rhode Island's weird because you're in a bank. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's so strange. | |
| They turn a bank into a comedy club. | ||
| That's how bad the market's doing. | ||
| Well, that was in the 80s when he did that. | ||
| That was when I was a kid. | ||
| He fixed the whole thing up, the whole camera system. | ||
| It's a great club. | ||
| It was always a great club. | ||
| Plus, there's not a lot in Rhode Island, so when you go there, people are so happy to see you. | ||
| And I'm not bad-mouthing her. | ||
| I don't know her like this. | ||
| So, I worked a club twice. | ||
| And the second time I worked there was Halloween weekend. | ||
| I mean, there was a guy in the audience in blackface. | ||
| Whatever. Really? | ||
| This was, I don't know, 10, 15 years ago. | ||
| 10, 15 years ago? | ||
| 10 years ago. | ||
| But wait a second. | ||
| So, she... | ||
| She wasn't even there the week. | ||
| She tells my manager, I did a lot of crowd work, whatever. | ||
| So anyhow, I'm working at Syracuse Funny Bone, and my middle, very funny guy, I think he passed away, he was an older guy, really great joke writer. | ||
| He's from Denver. | ||
| He goes, oh, I do a podcast with Wendy. | ||
| And he sees that I'm closing, and he goes, I'll talk to her. | ||
| So I email Wendy. | ||
| And I go, hey, listen, why don't we start from scratch? | ||
| Let bygones be bygones. | ||
| Start over. | ||
| Whatever. You know, I'd love to come back in. | ||
| And she doesn't get back to me. | ||
| So I write, by your lack of response, it looks like you want to move forward. | ||
| Here are some available dates. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right? And she doesn't get back to me again. | |
| Shocker. And I write, can I bring my own metal? | ||
| What do I care? | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I'm trying to be funny. | ||
| So she was just upset that you did crowd work? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| No, the numbers were low, probably. | ||
| It was Halloween weekend. | ||
| But listen, I work enough. | ||
| And, you know, I'm saying, I'm not bad-mouthing any of these people. | ||
| Because you bad-mouth, you're the one who looks bad. | ||
| I'm not bad-mouthing them. | ||
| She's got a business to run. | ||
| Whatever she's got to do, just like any of them. | ||
| They have a business to run. | ||
| If this is who they're going to bring in to keep their doors open, I'll always find fucking work. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yes. So, and industry-wise, I mean, now it's a whole... | ||
| Look, my wife is killing it because she's a writer and a comic. | ||
| And, you know, she's writing movies. | ||
| She's punching on movies. | ||
| She wrote for the Golden Globes. | ||
| You know, she has different outlets. | ||
| No. No, that's cool. | ||
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| God, when I quit cigars, I quit cigars because I was scared I was going to start smoking. | ||
| You probably would. | ||
| I probably would because it would lead, you know. | ||
| Yeah, you're puffing on tobacco. | ||
| Yeah. You're going to want to inhale it. | ||
| That's why, you know, I can't even put a dick in my mouth because I'm scared. | ||
|
unidentified
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I understand. | |
| You know that. | ||
| So, you know, she has different outlets as a stand-up. | ||
| I'm just a stand-up. | ||
| I'm a club comic. | ||
| I love, you know, I do theaters, I do whatever, but I love doing, I really like doing clubs. | ||
| So it sounds like you're doing exactly what you want to do. | ||
| Yes. So what the fuck's the problem? | ||
| I don't think there is a problem, but I said just one more thing to put it over the top. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| One more. | ||
| You're never totally satisfied, Rich Voss. | ||
| Well, that's a good point, yes. | ||
| I'm an addict, you know, so look, here's my fucking... | ||
| Here's how fucked up I am. | ||
| How fucked up are you? | ||
| I'm going to tell you right now, Sam. | ||
| Because you glitter and diamonds. | ||
| And this is not in the... | ||
| In the morning, I drink my coffee. | ||
| I sit at the table. | ||
| Sounds like me. | ||
| And I put a bird feeder. | ||
| And I watch the birds feed. | ||
| And it's very relaxing. | ||
| Watching them all come and feed. | ||
| It's very relaxing. | ||
| Now... I have seven bird feeders around my property because I figured, well, this will be seven times more relaxing. | ||
| No, now you've got bird chaos. | ||
| No, but they're all over. | ||
| I mean, I got ones that I, with a video camera, I could see who's coming, the squirrel. | ||
| I don't care if the squirrel eats the, you know, but it's my addictive personality. | ||
| Right. Where... | ||
| You always want more. | ||
| A little more. | ||
| Yeah, just a little more. | ||
| A little more. | ||
| Different color. | ||
| Same car. | ||
| One more ring. | ||
| One more ring. | ||
| I took two off. | ||
| You know, so it's... | ||
| And I work on myself. | ||
| I go to meetings two, three a week. | ||
| You know, I... | ||
| Still after all these years? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Do you still feel the pull after all these years? | ||
|
unidentified
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No, I haven't got gambling to fall back on. | |
| What are you gambling on? | ||
| What am I gambling on? | ||
| Well, I mean, once in a while, I'll play on my phone at night slots. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Yeah, I did real well. | ||
| You made money? | ||
| Yeah, last year. | ||
| I gotta say, slots on your phone sounds like the dumbest fucking idea. | ||
| Because there is no way it's not fixed. | ||
| At least a slot machine is random. | ||
| Well, slots in the casino is the biggest sucker bet on the planet. | ||
| I'll play craps. | ||
| If I'm gonna play... | ||
| If I'm going to gamble on a machine, I'm going to play craps like a man. | ||
| You know what drives me fucking crazy when I hear that? | ||
| Someone hits the slots and they won't give out. | ||
| They won't give the money. | ||
| Because there was an error with the machine. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| I've heard that many times. | ||
| Like, fuck your error. | ||
| Give that guy his money. | ||
| This is what I won last year on slots. | ||
| Let me see this. | ||
| Really? Yeah. | ||
| Really? Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Let's do that. | |
| Two jackpots. | ||
| Wow. But now I keep playing, think I'll get more. | ||
| Think I'll hit the big one. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's how they get you. | ||
| Yeah. I mean, okay. | ||
| I have a friend who's very wealthy and is a fucking degenerate gamble. | ||
| Dana White? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, I see the videos. | ||
| Degenerate. He's a nut. | ||
| I was just reading an article about Hunter Campbell, who's a financial officer, was trying to talk to him, just saying, you're killing me. | ||
| Why are you doing this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves it. | |
| Loves that. | ||
| There's shit that goes off in your head. | ||
| Even when you lose, you're like, I mean, I... | ||
| Makes you feel like you're alive. | ||
| Something's happening. | ||
| I was in Vegas, and I walked to the table with 300 bucks, crap table. | ||
| And it's me, and the whole table is... | ||
| I mean, I held the dice for... | ||
| Almost an hour. | ||
| 300, I turn into 5,000. | ||
| The table's going nuts. | ||
| I'm winning everybody formula and diapers at the table. | ||
| They're fucking yelling, cat with a hat. | ||
| And it's just such a, you know, and then for the rest of the week, I didn't gamble again because I go, I can't follow that. | ||
| I'm not going to be able to do that again. | ||
| So it's not like I'm obsessed with it. | ||
| Numbers I am kind of, but... | ||
| You know, I've been to casinos and worked for three, four days and not even played. | ||
| But when I do, it's like my wife and I were in Canada and we went to a casino. | ||
| I go, well, let me go back to the hotel and put my credit cards and money there. | ||
| And she goes, you can't go into a casino with all your money and credit cards. | ||
| I go, how does she ask that question? | ||
| She knows you. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| She should know you can't. | ||
| She's fucking with you. | ||
| She knows you can't. | ||
| She should say good for you. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| She should say good for you. | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| But she didn't know me when I was an addict. | ||
| Oh. She never saw me when I was out there. | ||
| Yeah, but I... | ||
| Well, I guess I did. | ||
| I knew you when you were an addict. | ||
| Yeah. But you cleaned up nice. | ||
| You really did. | ||
| You figured it out well. | ||
| You really did. | ||
| So she should know that. | ||
| Yeah. Not to go to the casino. | ||
| A little bit more supportive. | ||
| That's what I'm trying to say. | ||
| How about that, Bonnie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what? | |
| That's what I'm trying to say. | ||
| You guys are one of the funniest couples of all time, though. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| There's like a few, like Christina Pazitzky and Tom Segura, Natasha Leggero, Moshe Kasher. | ||
| There's a few, like, you know, people say, like, comics shouldn't date comics. | ||
| Well, I don't know about that, because sometimes it fucking works really well. | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| Come home to a dentist? | ||
| You know, for me. | ||
| You know, we really come together when we find the same enemy and the same person we could trash. | ||
| Yeah. You know, or we talk comedy. | ||
| We make each other laugh. | ||
| Yeah, we fight and have all the fucking, you know, we're a married couple. | ||
| And you're comics. | ||
| Yeah. So you're talking shit. | ||
| Well, to be a male comic, you gotta be fucked up. | ||
| To be a female comic, that's a whole other level of fucking up. | ||
| Because, you know, they go on the road, they gotta worry about... | ||
| Everything. They gotta worry about fans. | ||
| Yeah, they gotta worry about fans attacking them. | ||
| Where they're staying, what it's like. | ||
| Getting stalked. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it's horrible. | ||
| And thank you for saying we're funny. | ||
| You guys are very funny. | ||
| I was using it as an example, because comics will say all the time, don't date comics. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't know about that. | ||
| I don't know about that, because I don't think you should never date blah. | ||
| Although I stopped dating Italians when I was 21. Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, the last one swung at me. | ||
| I was like, I'm done. | ||
| Well, I only date... | ||
| As she was swinging, I was like, I can't believe she's swinging at me. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Like, while this was happening, her arm was pulling back. | ||
| It was coming towards my face like, I can't fucking believe this is happening. | ||
| Well, I only date... | ||
| Irish. Like, I can't afford a Jew broad, so I went fucking Irish. | ||
| I'd rather go to fucking Marshalls than Barneys. | ||
| Well, also, the thing about Jewish women, the stereotype, is that they're very controlling. | ||
| It's like how the mom is. | ||
| It's like you take that role of the mom of the house, then your wife becomes your mom. | ||
| That's the stereotype. | ||
| I'm not saying it's always that way. | ||
| A little naggy. | ||
| A little naggy. | ||
| Yeah. And I mean, look, fucking Bonnie grew up on a farm killing chickens. | ||
| Perfect. She's good for when the revelation comes. | ||
| And not only that, I have running water. | ||
| You know, they had a fucking, they slept on the floor. | ||
| She grew up like I did, poor. | ||
| And we started dating. | ||
| I mean, I was already in the business for I don't know how many years. | ||
| It's like, they say, don't date comics. | ||
| Yeah, well, if you're a new comic, and they're a new comic, it's going to be competition the whole time. | ||
| It's going to be jealousy. | ||
| But I was already established, and she was established. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't have to be. | ||
| It doesn't have to be. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| But these hard, fast rules, they don't work. | ||
| It all completely depends on the individual. | ||
| I mean, how different are comics? | ||
| Like, how different are you to Shane Gillis? | ||
| How different am I to Ari Shaffir? | ||
| Like, we're all different. | ||
| Even though we're all real good friends, we're all... | ||
| There's no hard rules. | ||
| No. I luckily came up with one of the strongest crews in New York. | ||
| Oh, you came up with an amazing crew. | ||
| Patrice? Patrice, Norton, Billy, Bobby, Colin, you know, Kevin Hart. | ||
| It was an amazing crew. | ||
| You know, our crew. | ||
| Bro, I knew you back when you had Jerry Curls. | ||
| You knew me when I was doing Robin Gibbons bits. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It was the 80s. | ||
| You don't remember. | ||
| You might remember. | ||
| We were working a one-nighter in Seaside, New Jersey. | ||
| It was my ex-wife. | ||
| And me, you, and her took a walk to the boardwalk. | ||
| We were in Seaside, right on the boardwalk. | ||
| And it was just me, you, and her. | ||
| I think you just came down from Boston. | ||
| And I don't think you were living in New York. | ||
| I think you were just doing some shows, some one-nighters and shit. | ||
| And we did a one-nighter. | ||
| Okay, I probably first... | ||
| It had to be... | ||
| I got 39 years with her. | ||
| Probably like... | ||
| 38 years ago. | ||
| Oh, that doesn't even make sense, because I've been doing comedy for 30, let me see, 87, 37 years. | ||
| Okay, so then, okay, I was with Bonnie, so, I mean, Kelly, so I had, you're right, I had. | ||
| That had to be like 1990 then. | ||
| Yeah, I had like four years clean. | ||
| 90 was when I first started coming to New York. | ||
| Okay. You were already clean? | ||
| Yeah, and I was already married. | ||
| So yeah, I had five years clean. | ||
| So it was maybe like 34 years ago, or 35. So yeah, we're working a one-nighter, and I remember walking up the street, me, you, and Bonnie, to the boardwalk. | ||
| I mean, Kelly. | ||
| To the boardwalk. | ||
| To the boardwalk, and it was just some one-nighter. | ||
| And then, I don't know if we ever... | ||
| Worked again together. | ||
| Oh, well, Dangerfields. | ||
| We did some stuff. | ||
| We did Caroline's together, too. | ||
| I remember doing Caroline's with you. | ||
| Oh, we did a lot of Dangerfields shows together. | ||
| Yeah. Did we ever do prom shows together? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! Oh, Jesus! | |
| Viva should know what prom shows are. | ||
| So, New York has a very weird thing where they take kids from, like, Staten Island and Brooklyn, and they bring them in in fucking buses. | ||
| To Dangerfields, and the show would run from like 7 p.m. till 5 in the morning. | ||
| No break. | ||
| No break. | ||
| Just you would go one show, and you'd get paid by the show. | ||
| It was good money. | ||
| I forget what it was, but it was like, you get paid by, like you can make a couple grand in a night if you did the whole night. | ||
| So you would do stand-up from 7 p.m. till like 5 a.m. | ||
| But sometimes some of the shows were the same, some of the same crowd. | ||
| Most of the shows. | ||
| Yeah. They didn't move the people out. | ||
| They just pushed new kids in. | ||
| And they wanted you to do the same joke so that the kids would leave. | ||
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unidentified
|
So we were... | |
| Doing proms at Dangerfields. | ||
| And this is all young kids, you know, getting ready to go to college. | ||
| And Ronnie goes on. | ||
| He walks on stage in a robe, drunk. | ||
| He's not doing comedy. | ||
| He's talking about his divorce or death. | ||
| And all these kids are just, they're all looking at him like the jury from My Cousin Vinny. | ||
| When they were looking at the stuttering lawyer, their eyes were just going, what is going on with this man? | ||
| And he just, it was the most depressing. | ||
| And then I think Brian Regan had to follow him. | ||
| And the fact, I mean, if you look at your career and some of mine and Brian Regan, we were doing prom shows. | ||
| Yeah. I did, I did a, there was a contest at Rascals and I think the winner got to do comedy on a plane. | ||
| That was back when they smoked on place. | ||
| Yeah, and I think John Stort was one of the contestants. | ||
| Like, I remember doing, I remember doing, or else it was a Johnny Walker competition. | ||
| I was there, it was like me, John Stort, Jim Gaffigan, you know, to do some Johnny Walker tour. | ||
| I don't fucking know whatever the contest was, but it was all these contests. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But you would see, look, I worked. | |
| Fucking clubs. | ||
| I was working one club once, and after the show, it was in Scranton, PA at a Holiday Inn, me and another comic. | ||
| After the show, the owner brings us in the back room and pulls out a gigantic bag of Coke and says, do you want Coke or money? | ||
| And I took the Coke. | ||
| And the guy who took the money is Adam Sandler, and look where he is, and look where I am. | ||
| Adam Sandler took the money and he opened up. | ||
| He was a guitar comic and he opened up. | ||
| That was a Nick's Comedy Stop thing, Coker Money. | ||
| Oh yeah, I worked there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In Boston? | |
| Did they offer you Coker Money back then? | ||
| And I was getting high because when I first started comedy, somehow they... | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Dominic and Jackie Gateman or something, they liked me for some reason. | ||
| I stunk, but they would give me spots at Nick's, and I would get either money or... | ||
| But I would buy Coke from Mike, the drug dealer that the Colombians killed. | ||
| He was their Coke dealer up there. | ||
| I would stay behind the connection at the Milner Hotel, which was all prostitutes and drug addicts, right? | ||
| And, you know, I would go up there, and Nick's was... | ||
| Giving me shows upstairs, downstairs. | ||
| So the one time, the last time I was up in Boston, I did Springfield Mass and Westfield Mass. | ||
| 252 Elm and some other Norm LaFoe shit. | ||
| Norm LaFoe, Western Massachusetts. | ||
| So then I went to Nick's. | ||
| I go, I'm not spending my money on drugs. | ||
| I'm coming home with fucking money, right? | ||
| So I'm working this place called Plums in Worcester. | ||
| And this waitress, oh, fucking smoking hot. | ||
| After the show, because I did some coke bits. | ||
| She goes, you do coke? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| I go, do you know where I can get any coke? | ||
| And we couldn't get any coke in Boston. | ||
| We drove from Boston. | ||
| I went back to New York. | ||
| Bought a bunch of... | ||
| Crack. We got a hotel, smoked all night. | ||
| We had sex, this and that. | ||
| And it was Saturday night. | ||
| And I'm 40 minutes from home. | ||
| And I have one more show in Boston on a Sunday. | ||
| And I have to drive her all the way back to Boston. | ||
| No money left. | ||
| Maybe $10 or $20. | ||
| Just enough. | ||
| To get back to Boston. | ||
| Luggage in a fucking paper bag. | ||
| We stop on the way up in Hartford. | ||
| We try to buy coke or heroin and we got ripped off. | ||
| She's crying because she's going to lose her job. | ||
| Fucking blood started pouring out of my nose as we're driving. | ||
| Just pouring out. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Well. And then she goes, my sister wants an ounce of Coke. | ||
| So I was going to set her up and rip her off. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| You know, get a free ounce of Coke. | ||
| Well, anyhow, two weeks later, I end up in rehab. | ||
| That was my bottom. | ||
| That fucking trip to Boston. | ||
| I end up in rehab. | ||
| And about a year or two later, I'm working Fort Lauderdale. | ||
| And her sister's there. | ||
| With her boyfriend, who's the size of a fucking house. | ||
| So if I did rip her off, I would have gotten fucking the shit killed, beaten out of me. | ||
| You know, what are the odds? | ||
| So that last trip to Boston, and I spent all the money I wasn't going to spend, but this girl was fucking hot, you know. | ||
| Then I came out of rehab, and I think I had like a month or two months clean, and I'm working on Daytona Beach. | ||
| This fucking wait, where? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I was, I had bad teeth, fucking jerry curl. | ||
| And my wife says this. | ||
| She saw videos of me from Ralph's and she goes, you're such a mess, but you had so much confidence. | ||
| And girls like confidence, right? | ||
| Because I would be on stage, fucking rotten teeth and fucking grease dripping out of my hair. | ||
| So I had a fucking mess. | ||
| I looked like a fucking rat. | ||
| And this hot waitress in Daytona. | ||
| We go back to her place, and I'm making out with her, and something tastes funny. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| And she pulls out a bag of Coke, and I had like a month clean, two months. | ||
| I go, I can't do that. | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| I mean, I fucked her, but then I left real quick, you know. | ||
| You know, and it was scary. | ||
| So you never bounced back? | ||
| You never went back to drugs? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| 39 years ago. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| You have one fall off, and you're like, I'm done. | ||
| Well, I mean, here's, for me now, And, you know, as the years accumulated, you know, I was working, I was saving money, I was buying. | ||
| You know, if I went and got high now, this watch alone would kill me. | ||
| I could pawn this watch. | ||
| Right. It would be enough money for me to die. | ||
| Right. You know, money I've hidden around the house. | ||
| You know, no one's going to find it. | ||
| Don't even think, hey, we're going to go to Voss's house and find his money. | ||
| This shit is fucking hidden well. | ||
| So go fuck yourselves. | ||
| So anyhow, I'll die. | ||
| Look, for a year, and I got to get back on track, I stopped eating, not keto, but cut back on carbs, sugar. | ||
| I did real well for a year. | ||
| I mean, I was fucking ripping up again. | ||
| And from my age, and it's harder, my daughter comes upstairs and goes, oh, I made homemade chocolate chip cookies. | ||
| I go, oh, give me one. | ||
| Well, the seventh cookie I had to throw in the garbage. | ||
| The seventh, I go, I can't, I gotta stop. | ||
| So that's how my fucking mind is. | ||
| There's no one time. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I play golf and guys are drinking a beer. | ||
| I go, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| We like to taste. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck off. | |
| Gatorade tastes good. | ||
| You drink to get drunk. | ||
| What are you drinking a beer? | ||
| You know? | ||
| And it's just... | ||
| And then on stage, if I go, I quit. | ||
| Somebody goes, quit it. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You're here having wine coolers, bitch. | ||
| Sell your mother's car to get high. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| Wow. You don't know anything about getting high. | ||
| You're fighting when people aren't even here. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm just telling you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is strange. | |
| You're in the shower arguing with these guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know how many fucking arguments I've had? | |
| I thought you were going to bring in your whole pro-Palestinian crew that I was going to fight today. | ||
| Which I have stuff printed out. | ||
| We'll read later. | ||
| We'll read later. | ||
| But that's so funny. | ||
| You don't ever lay in bed or have arguments with people that you've never had. | ||
| I did when I was young. | ||
| Yeah, I figured that out when I was younger. | ||
| This is stupid. | ||
| And when the impulse comes, which it does, I go, this is stupid. | ||
| I talk to myself. | ||
| I just coach myself. | ||
| You've got to have another voice in your head. | ||
| Most people have one voice in their head, and that voice is like, we should go get high, or we should do this. | ||
| You have to have a second voice. | ||
| And the second voice is like, what advice would I give me? | ||
| And the advice I'd give me is like, you're wasting your time arguing in the shower with someone who doesn't even... | ||
| They don't even know you're arguing with them. | ||
| I know, it's true. | ||
| You're not even there. | ||
| You're like replaying it out in your head so you could have had a better thing to say to them. | ||
| They say they're living rent-free in your head. | ||
| Yes, that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, I don't allow anybody in my head. | ||
| No, I had the second voice. | ||
| I do, and I'm not religious by any, but I'll say, you know, God, get me off. | ||
| You know, what should I do? | ||
| What's my purpose? | ||
| Or what can I do? | ||
| In life, you know, look, my main purpose in life, besides being, my main purpose is staying sober, because if I don't, I'm dead easily, and everything I throw away. | ||
| Then my family, obviously, you know, and my career, you know. | ||
| All the shit I put about Israel, this and that, that's, my life is comedy. | ||
| But I think in life, if you're not part of the... | ||
| Like I said, solution you're part of the problem with what's going on in this world, mainly in this country, the anti-Semitism in this country. | ||
| The anti-Semitism in this country is weird because it popped up like it was hiding. | ||
| You know, after October 7th, it popped up like it was hiding. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Has this been here the whole time? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| And I think there's a lot of it on Twitter in these places that I think is not human beings. | ||
| And that inspires human beings to get bold. | ||
| I think there's a lot of it that's bots. | ||
| There's a lot of it that's bots. | ||
| I see these... | ||
| When someone says something outrageous on Twitter, I'll go to the account and see what they're doing. | ||
| And sometimes I go, oh, this isn't a person. | ||
| You can figure it out after a couple of pages. | ||
| This is not an actual person. | ||
| This is a person that jumps onto every... | ||
| Controversial subject and says something insightful. | ||
| They do it over and over again. | ||
| And you see it with abortion. | ||
| You see it with immigration. | ||
| You see it with voting. | ||
| You see it with the rigged elections. | ||
| There was an FBI analyst who took a look at Twitter before the purchase and he said, I think it's as much as 80% bots. | ||
| I think we're getting played as a civilization, back and forth. | ||
| I think so many people are vulnerable to following a narrative. | ||
| And I've said this, and I believe in free speech. | ||
| When we talked about this, you didn't agree with it. | ||
| I didn't agree with free speech? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| What I said about the internet, that some people in life use that platform. | ||
| Shouldn't have a platform in life because they're nuts. | ||
| They're nuts. | ||
| Like if you had somebody in the audience that's nuts, you're going to take them out. | ||
| You're going to get rid of them. | ||
| Right, but that's the difference between an audience and the internet is you don't have to engage with the nuts. | ||
| Okay, but there's people that are following these nuts. | ||
| Okay, you take whatever's going on in the Middle East, whatever side you're on. | ||
| Israel, Palestine, whatever. | ||
| Why are college campuses letting this happen on campus where Jews can't go to class, where they're being harassed, where they feel threatened? | ||
| Well, a lot of that stuff is funded. | ||
| Yeah, it's funded by Qatar or whatever. | ||
| Or whatever. | ||
| Whoever is doing it, most certainly there's funding and organization involved. | ||
| These aren't organic protests that just pop up. | ||
| No, of course. | ||
| Everybody wants to think they are because some people join organically. | ||
| They hop in, but it's not. | ||
| These are all being organized. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Including the anti-Elon protests, including the end-to-oligarchy rallies that they have. | ||
| The O.C. and Bernie Sanders. | ||
| All this shit is getting funded and astroturfed and they're bussing people in. | ||
| They're manufacturing a movement. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I mean, listen. | ||
| They didn't all go out and buy the same tents. | ||
| And there's, I don't know how many that are getting funded and then they bring in, you know, it's just like... | ||
| The tents are crazy. | ||
| We're going to camp out for Palestine. | ||
| It's just like, you know... | ||
| I don't want to get into the 80s and foreclosures on farms. | ||
| Farm aid? | ||
| Well, when banks were foreclosing on farms, Jews were going, look, the Jews are foreclosing on our farm to Jewish bankers. | ||
| And they weren't even the bankers doing it. | ||
| It was the Wasp bankers. | ||
| Jews barely worked at Chase Manhattan in the early 80s or 70s. | ||
| But they blamed the Jews. | ||
| But they blamed because it's easy to go after. | ||
| You know, so throughout the Midwest or the South, it's easier to build up hatred or a group to go after a smaller group going, hey, these people are closing on your farms. | ||
| These are the people that are doing it. | ||
| And these people don't have the knowledge and the hate just grows and grows from generation to generation. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Yes. So, you know, same with, you know, the... | ||
| Look, I got shit I printed out. | ||
| I'll show it later, maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Listen, I'm a comic, but you see what I post sometimes. | ||
| I post some shit, and I'm not anti... | ||
| I'm not anti... | ||
| You're pro-Israel. | ||
| I'm just pro-Israel. | ||
| You're pro-Jew. | ||
| I'm pro-Jew in this country. | ||
| And I'm not religious by any stretch. | ||
| I don't fucking... | ||
| I think it's a holiday now. | ||
| It's Passover or something. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I'm not religious. | ||
| My cousins were. | ||
| My family wasn't black. | ||
| You think about it as a people. | ||
| I think about it as, yes, as a people. | ||
| You know, if what was happening in this world to black people or gay people, these colleges would put an end to it. | ||
| It would stop. | ||
| If people were ripping down posters of hostages, of black hostages or gay hostages when that was happening... | ||
| It wouldn't happen. | ||
| Yeah, that was crazy. | ||
| That was crazy where people were upset that people wanted people to bring the hostages home. | ||
| Like, these hostages, some of them were aid workers. | ||
| Some of them were people that, like, lived there so they could help people in Gaza. | ||
| The whole thing is so crazy. | ||
| But I wonder, like, how did they get turned that way? | ||
| Or were they, like what I said, like they were in hiding? | ||
| As a person who's not a Jew, I would hear about all the anti-Semitism. | ||
| Like, yeah, there's always going to be some. | ||
| But maybe everyone's exaggerating. | ||
| But then when this, after October 7th, it was just like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| It's fucking everywhere. | ||
| What's your background? | ||
| Italian. Italian. | ||
| Yeah, mostly. | ||
| One quarter Irish. | ||
| Okay. If every surrounding country was attacked in Italy, you're going to fight back. | ||
| By any means necessary. | ||
| I 100% get it. | ||
| Can I show you some pictures? | ||
| Okay. Now, we don't have to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can talk. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I've got to do a little of it. | ||
| A little. | ||
| Whatever you want. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| I'm joking around. | ||
| But yeah, no, I understand. | ||
| And I think that's also one of the things that people like. | ||
| My wife should keep away. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| When people get angry about Jews is because they think that Jews always stick together. | ||
| And they like Jews above all else. | ||
| And then it's like, fuck those people. | ||
| You know, there's like that walled garden approach, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you got there? | |
| You got a manila envelope like you're in fucking court. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Charts? Did you bring graphs? | ||
| What's that first page? | ||
| Is that a photo of Israel? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| You got a map? | ||
| You brought maps? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He brought maps for me. | |
| This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen from you. | ||
| Look at the dot. | ||
| Look at the size of Israel. | ||
| Yeah, it's very small. | ||
| Look at who they're surrounded by. | ||
| Yeah, they're surrounded by a bunch of Muslims. | ||
| Not a good spot to be if you're a Jew. | ||
| They should have probably moved to a different spot. | ||
| It's like, you know, you know what I mean? | ||
| No, I've got other better stuff. | ||
| I just start off with the weaker stuff. | ||
| If you're a black guy and you move into a KKK neighborhood, that's like, you're going to have problems. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, so... | ||
| It is kind of crazy. | ||
| Wouldn't you think... | ||
| By any means necessary, they're gonna do what they fucking have to do to survive. | ||
| Yes. I totally think they would, and I understand that aspect of it. | ||
| Is that your fault? | ||
| Yeah, I gotta turn it off. | ||
| Sorry. My wife. | ||
| I don't know how she got my number. | ||
| Start the car. | ||
| It is crazy when you look at the map. | ||
| It's not just that they're surrounded, but they're surrounded by everyone. | ||
| It's all enormous countries. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| All the way up. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| You go down Saudi Arabia, the end of it, you forget. | ||
| Oh, it's Ethiopia's right there. | ||
| And then, I mean, Turkey hates Israel. | ||
| Fucking Iran, you know, they're being attacked by four or five different nations at once. | ||
| And everybody's going, well, you know... | ||
| They're committing genocide. | ||
| First of all, those numbers are coming from Hamas. | ||
| Where do you think those numbers are coming from? | ||
| Okay, but the drone footage isn't coming from Hamas. | ||
| The drone footage is real. | ||
| If you cover Gaza with a drone, there's nothing left. | ||
| It's pretty nuts. | ||
| Well, I bet you if they released the hostages October 10th, none of this shit would have happened. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| None of this shit would have happened. | ||
| During the Clinton administration, Arafat was in the White House probably six or seven times. | ||
| The head of the CIA, during the Clinton administration, visited the White House twice. | ||
| Arafat, six or seven times. | ||
| And they offered a two-state solution. | ||
| That would have been Clinton's legacy. | ||
| To have peace in the two states. | ||
| But Arafat kept turning it down because Arafat's a terrorist. | ||
| And if he does that, what purpose does he serve? | ||
| What purpose? | ||
| Is it that simple? | ||
| Well, to me it is because I'm not the smartest. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| Part of the problem with Israel and Palestine. | ||
| And I've sat down and thought about this conflict. | ||
| Not that I'm an expert either. | ||
| But it's almost insurmountable. | ||
| And then now, after October 7th, with all the bombings, when they leveled Gaza, it's like, how do you fix this? | ||
| It's like, there's no... | ||
| You've created whatever the numbers are, whether it's 70,000 people or 20,000 people that have been killed that are innocents. | ||
| You've created so many more potential terrorists because so many of the children of those people and the brothers and sisters and relatives of those people. | ||
| So it's like reinforced this desire to fight against Israel. | ||
| But we... | ||
| You know, and you could squash that. | ||
| You could just keep pounding them down until there's nothing left, which is what it seems that they're doing. | ||
| But... And I understand it from a tactical perspective, I guess. | ||
| Do we have that animosity and hatred from Japan towards us where we dropped, you know, killed 350,000 people? | ||
| Well, they did for a while. | ||
| They certainly did for a long while. | ||
| I had friends who'd go to Japan in the 70s and they said you could feel the hatred. | ||
| Yeah, but now it's 55 years later. | ||
| Yeah, they're not like that at all now. | ||
| But it's a totally, completely different generation. | ||
| So you think future generations will think about Israel the same way we think about Japan? | ||
| Or Japan thinks about us? | ||
| No, because future generations in the Middle East, this has been going since day one, since the Six-Day War, since the Yom Kippur War, since day one they've been being attacked. | ||
| So there's never... | ||
| Well, it's also before Israel was founded, you got to go back to how they were being persecuted in Europe. | ||
| It was in session. | ||
| There's this guy, Daryl Cooper, is a lightning rod for controversy, unfortunately, but he's got an amazing podcast. | ||
| He's got this series called Fear and Loathing in the New Jerusalem. | ||
| And it starts out with the Jews being persecuted in Europe. | ||
| And he takes you through what it would have been like for those people and the gangs of people roaming down the streets, raping women. | ||
| Beating men to death in the streets. | ||
| And it's so crazy because it's real. | ||
| It happened. | ||
| And it was these people's neighbors. | ||
| And, you know, this was why they got so many people to move to Israel in the first place. | ||
| Yeah. Because when they said, look, we're setting up a state for just for Jews from all these Eastern European Jews are like, OK, we're in. | ||
| And they moved. | ||
| I mean, you know, and then. | ||
| And they've also been there since Christ. | ||
| I mean, they've been in Israel. | ||
| Even before that, right? | ||
| A couple weeks. | ||
| But I think it predates. | ||
| Doesn't it predate Jesus? | ||
| Yeah. I mean, I'm not a historian. | ||
| This isn't my whole life. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Let's find out since we can. | ||
| What is the earliest... | ||
| When did Jews first settle the land that's now known as Israel? | ||
| It was Judea back then, right? | ||
| What was it called? | ||
| What was it initially called? | ||
| Miami. But also, this is like, you know, this is one of the reasons why this area is so contentious is because Christians really believe that when Jesus comes back, that's where he's going to come. | ||
| He's coming back to Jerusalem. | ||
| He's going to come back to Jerusalem like, are you fucking sure? | ||
| But here's another thing, too. | ||
| And I'm not, listen. | ||
| I'm not going to be that guy. | ||
| Oh, I had a Muslim. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Jews have been a history in the land of Israel. | ||
| Their presence dating back to the second millennial BCE. | ||
| Okay. Settling in the area around 1,250 BCE. | ||
| So that predates Jesus by 1,250 years. | ||
| It's funny they call it before current era. | ||
| Like current era is not 2,000 years ago. | ||
| Just say before Jesus, you motherfuckers. | ||
| That's what I say. | ||
| Second millennial BCE, the Israelites, considered to be the ancestors of the Jewish people, emerged as an outgrowth of the southern Canaanites. | ||
| The Israelites entered Canaan in 1250 BCE, settling the hill country in the south. | ||
| 10th century BCE, two Israelite kingdoms, northern kingdom of Israel and the southern kingdom of Judea, emerged. | ||
| Of Judah, rather, emerged. | ||
| The Kingdom of Israel was conquered by the Neo-Assyrian Empire in 722 BCE. | ||
| And in 586 BCE, the Kingdom of Judah was conquered by the Neo-Babylonian Empire. | ||
| 538 BCE, the Persian Cyrus the Great ended the Babylonian exile and the Jews returned to their homeland. | ||
| So they've been there since 538 BCE, started in 1250 BCE. | ||
| So they were there before anybody. | ||
| Yeah. The Romans destroyed the second temple of Jerusalem in 70, current era, leading to the Jewish dysphoria. | ||
| Wow. Crazy fucking history of controversy in that one place. | ||
| 48, the state of Israel was established. | ||
| Many Holocaust survivors welcomed it as a homeland. | ||
| Yeah, in 48. And since then, they've been at war. | ||
| And so they started settling. | ||
| Another wave of Jews started coming in 1904. | ||
| From 1904 to 1914. | ||
| So... Yeah. | ||
| 538 BCE. | ||
| Yeah, but the problem is, we're Palestinians there, and they don't even have a country. | ||
| If you've got people that are right next to you that don't even have a country, what do they do if they're ruled by Hamas? | ||
| How do they fight back? | ||
| They are protesting in the streets now. | ||
| They are against Hamas. | ||
| Yeah, they get executed. | ||
| Did you just see that? | ||
| Yes. The big protest? | ||
| I just saw that. | ||
| Thousands and thousands of courageous people protesting in the street. | ||
| It's... They're like, we don't want any more of this. | ||
| Stop. Well, look what happened. | ||
| They got... | ||
| I mean, Kus of Israel's help got Assad out of Syria. | ||
| Now the rebels took over, but Assad killed... | ||
| Almost 500,000 of his own people tortured 100,000. | ||
| I mean, those are the numbers I read. | ||
| I don't know if they're exact, but he's gone. | ||
| There's a lot of controversy about Assad in Syria. | ||
| There's a lot of controversy about what actually happened and why we were backing the rebels. | ||
| We essentially backed ISIS, which is crazy. | ||
| We backed Al-Qaeda, which is just nuts. | ||
| But he was more dangerous. | ||
| In Syria. | ||
| According to Iran. | ||
| Well, also according to Israel, because Israel weakened Iran's military after they were attacked by Iran, who was supplying Assad with weapons. | ||
| You know what's really fucked? | ||
| Before Iran became a religious state, women were, like, wearing miniskirts. | ||
| They were hot. | ||
| There was freedom everywhere. | ||
| People were chilling. | ||
| It seemed almost like Europe. | ||
| Probably like a resort, vacation. | ||
| They were beautiful. | ||
| Oh, they were gorgeous women. | ||
| Persian women of incredible genes. | ||
| It's like you look at these photos. | ||
| See if you can find some photos of Iran early 1970s. | ||
| I was seeing some things on it this morning, actually, on the way over here. | ||
| Or before I left my house, I was seeing this. | ||
| It's so hard to imagine that a place that had a democratically elected leader was kind of almost European. | ||
| And then now, now it's just a full religious state. | ||
| And anybody who protests against the government gets assassinated. | ||
| They assassinated an Olympic gold medalist wrestler because he was... | ||
| Perceived to be protesting. | ||
| I don't even know if he actually protested. | ||
| It was like some things that you post online. | ||
| Like if women take off their headscarves, they can get killed. | ||
| It's crazy that a country can fall like that. | ||
| I don't get where gays or women or whatever are backing. | ||
| They're basically backing Hamas. | ||
| Yeah. I don't get it. | ||
| They're retarded. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| Because they just do the new thing. | ||
| What's the new thing? | ||
| Is it climate change? | ||
| Why am I yelling? | ||
| Climate change? | ||
| Okay, climate change! | ||
| Do Black Lives Matter? | ||
| Okay, Black Lives Matter! | ||
| It's all it is. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that are just retarded, and those are the people that you see getting bust into these rallies, and there's just a lot of dopes that you can get to agree with almost anything. | ||
| And there's gay people for Hamas, believe it or not. | ||
| Trans people for Hamas. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| I know. | ||
| Blacks for the Klan. | ||
| It's hard to tell how many of them are real because there's a few people that troll online and they'll pretend, you know, I'm a trans woman, but I'm also a Muslim. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| They will throw you off a fucking roof, bitch. | ||
| No, there's none left. | ||
| There's no roofs left. | ||
| There's a couple of high points. | ||
| It's just hard to get to them. | ||
| Obviously, as a comic, I believe in the First Amendment. | ||
| I say shit that... | ||
| You can't cancel me. | ||
| Anyhow, I believe, and maybe I'm wrong and maybe you disagree. | ||
| I want to see your opinion. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Iran for the 1970s. | ||
| Look, girls in miniskirts looking hot. | ||
| That looks like... | ||
| Europe. Look at this. | ||
| Girls sitting in front of a car. | ||
| Cute little outfit on. | ||
| She'd be fucking killed doing that now. | ||
| Yeah. Look at the beaches in Iran in the 1970s. | ||
| Isn't that fucking crazy? | ||
| No litter. | ||
| Look at these. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it. | |
| Look at the tits on that one. | ||
| Hot. One lady, though, that was the future. | ||
| The future's in the lower right corner, covered up like Yoda. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That's what happened to that place. | ||
| Like, look at these people all hanging out, being free. | ||
| 1979 is when it all went to shit. | ||
| And they call it the revolution, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it was U.S.-backed, son. | |
| Okay, what's your opinion? | ||
| It's my opinion. | ||
| Free speech. | ||
| Protest all you want at colleges. | ||
| Protest wherever. | ||
| But take off the masks. | ||
| I think you should take off the masks, period. | ||
| I don't believe in a society where people walk around with their faces covered. | ||
| I think it's too dangerous. | ||
| It's a public safety issue. | ||
| It's too hard to identify criminals. | ||
| It's too hard to identify someone who commits a crime. | ||
| During the Vietnam protests, there was never a mask. | ||
| Those people were proud. | ||
| To protest against the Vietnam War. | ||
| But there also wasn't facial recognition. | ||
| Software and cameras in the sky. | ||
| It was like, you know, there's a lot of configurations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| That's true. | ||
| But now they're hiding and they're committing, to me, some crimes on campus, I think. | ||
| Well, they're certainly doing a lot of things they shouldn't be allowed to do, like disrupting classes and screaming at professors. | ||
| And it's organized. | ||
| Yeah, it's organized. | ||
| And people join in because... | ||
| They want to be a part of the group. | ||
| And there's a lot of people in this world. | ||
| There's leaders and there's followers. | ||
| And there's a lot of followers. | ||
| More followers than leaders. | ||
| Yes, than leaders in the world. | ||
| So we'll get off of this because I know we're kind of... | ||
| You want your map back? | ||
| No, I have other things in there. | ||
| I have other good points in there. | ||
| It is a good point though, but it's like when you have people that are... | ||
| Bitter enemies like this. | ||
| These kind of conflicts take thousands of years to work through. | ||
| And in the case of Israel, it is thousands of years old. | ||
| It's... Look, how are they going to win anything through the UN when there's 22, 23 Arab countries in the UN and Israel? | ||
| So everything is going to be voted against. | ||
| Yeah. Israel. | ||
| They're 22, 23 fucking Arab. | ||
| Like I said, I can't solve or whatever. | ||
| Is it unfair? | ||
| Is it whatever? | ||
| My concern is what's going on in this country. | ||
| That's my main concern. | ||
| My daughter's going to college. | ||
| I don't want her to go to a college where she feels scared to go to class. | ||
| Where she feels threatened. | ||
| Just to be who she is. | ||
| Tell her to go to college in Texas. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I wanted to go to, you know. | ||
| They have concealed carry on college campuses here. | ||
| You know, it's so... | ||
| Yeah, this is a different place. | ||
| It's a different time. | ||
| This is what America, like, is supposed to be in a lot of ways. | ||
| You know, it's supposed to be a lot more free. | ||
| Less laws. | ||
| But, you know, there's a lot of laws here that are kind of crazy. | ||
| You know, the abortion thing, the six-week thing. | ||
| Most women don't even know they're pregnant that quickly. | ||
| I think if a woman... | ||
| If a woman? | ||
| If a lady, a woman... | ||
| Okay, I told you I walked out in 11th grade. | ||
| If a lady, I think, does all her chores, I think once a week she should be able to wear slacks. | ||
| Abortion to me... | ||
| It's not really... | ||
| I think a man... | ||
| I could be wrong. | ||
| If you're married or you live with your spouse, the male might have, what, 20%, 25% of the decision, maybe 30%. | ||
| But some single guy probably never had a girlfriend, never lived with a girl. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You just want to be part of something. | ||
| Well, people love controlling people, though. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| Which is why... | ||
| You know, those climate protests drove me fucking crazy where they would protest for climate change by blocking the highway. | ||
| Those fucking idiots. | ||
| All they want to do is control people. | ||
| That's what they want to do. | ||
| You're not changing anyone's mind. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| Holding a flag in the middle of the highway. | ||
| You're just pissing people off. | ||
| But you're controlling people by stopping traffic. | ||
| And that's what people like to do. | ||
| They like to control people. | ||
| And they don't know if somebody's... | ||
| Giving birth or somebody has to get to the hospital or for anything. | ||
| It's all self-centered. | ||
| I'm more important than you. | ||
| Don't paint on somebody with a fur. | ||
| They should turn around and fucking... | ||
| Beat the daylights out of them. | ||
| Or these fucking climate people walking into the Reich Museum or the Van Gogh and throwing paint on a fucking... | ||
| Or gluing yourself to the wall. | ||
| Yeah, what the... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You see what they did at the Porsche dealership? | |
| They glued themselves to the floor and the Porsche dealership, they just shut the lights off and left them in there. | ||
| Really? Yeah, fuck you. | ||
| They came back the next day. | ||
| They glued their hands to the floor. | ||
| They thought they were going to stop everything and they were like, okay, good. | ||
| We'll just shut the doors. | ||
| Shut the doors, leave them in there to shit themselves. | ||
| Good! Porsches are nice cars. | ||
| Why would they attack Porsches? | ||
| They're only doing it because they know it'll get attention. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's usually a bunch of very privileged rich kids, white kids, that come from a family that has a lot of wealth and to rebel against their parents or probably fucking investment bankers or something. | ||
| They decide they're going to fight climate change, man. | ||
| They don't even understand what they're fighting. | ||
| They don't understand the science. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| It's complex. | ||
| It's multilateralism. | ||
| And there's a lot of propaganda that's attached to what they call the green agenda. | ||
| Because the green agenda, like all things that are big and public, is profitable. | ||
| They have a bunch of companies that if they can get these laws pushed forward, they can have industries that emerge and their industry can benefit from all these laws. | ||
| And so they'll fund protests. | ||
| They'll get people to do things. | ||
| But it's all 4D chess. | ||
| There's all these multiple layers of things happening. | ||
| And then there's the inconvenient actual climate data that the Washington Post printed that showed that over the last 50 million years, we're in a decline. | ||
| The Earth is in a cooling period. | ||
| You probably know this, but for people who don't, there's never been a static temperature on Earth. | ||
| It's always gone up and down wildly. | ||
| It's unpredictable. | ||
| It has multiple factors. | ||
| Carbon is probably one of them. | ||
| But it's not the big one. | ||
| It's not all of it. | ||
| There's solar activity that you can't control at all. | ||
| Solar flares happen, and some of them happen. | ||
| They've happened in the early 1800s. | ||
| They blew out all the fucking Morse code systems. | ||
| There was a big solar flare in the 1800s. | ||
| Let's see if you can find that. | ||
| They could blow out the power grid. | ||
| Easy. Kill all the satellites. | ||
| Easy. What carbon is is food for plants. | ||
| It's the dumbest fucking thing to protest against. | ||
| Pollution is a giant issue. | ||
| Yeah, do we have an impact on the weather? | ||
| I'm sure we do. | ||
| We have an impact on fucking everything. | ||
| But CO2, net zero, all this shit, this is nonsense. | ||
| Carrington event. | ||
| Most intense geomagnetic storm recorded history peaking on... | ||
| 1 to 2 September 1859, during a solar cycle tent, created strong auroral displays that reported globally and caused sparking and even fires in telegraph stations. | ||
| The geomagnetic storm was most likely the result of a coronal mass ejection from the sun colliding with Earth's magnetosphere. | ||
| So if we have some of those in the future... | ||
| It could do anything. | ||
| Let's see, a geomagnetic storm of this magnitude occurring today has the potential to cause widespread electrical disruptions, blackouts, and damage to the electrical power grid. | ||
| We've got real problems. | ||
| Real problems. | ||
| And you're not going to solve it with electric cars. | ||
| You're just not. | ||
| You're not going to solve it with windmills. | ||
| No. Look, if you drive... | ||
| Up the Jersey Turnpike or anywhere. | ||
| And the factories and the lights and all the smoke and all that shit. | ||
| Just everything. | ||
| All right? | ||
| Me turning off my light bulb is not going to make a fucking difference compared... | ||
| Particularly when you look at the emissions that come from China. | ||
| Yes. China is an enormous, enormous contributor to carbon emissions. | ||
| And not just carbon emissions, but pollutants, particulates. | ||
| They're not stopping. | ||
| They built 200 new coal plants. | ||
| You know, they're not going to stop. | ||
| No matter what we do, they're going to do what's best for China financially, period. | ||
| End of discussion. | ||
| All these conversations they're having about net zero. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| You're not going to stop that. | ||
| Okay, and this is what... | ||
| They're looking out for their best interests. | ||
| That's what they're doing. | ||
| Just like every other fucking country is basically doing is survival. | ||
| And that's my point with Israel. | ||
| They're looking out for what's going to keep us from being extinguished off this fucking planet. | ||
| And, you know, whatever it takes. | ||
| That's what the Jews, and I'm getting back on this because you lost me on all that shit. | ||
| What the Jews need is a Malcolm X of Jews. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| Look, Malcolm X was great. | ||
| He didn't say go after the white man. | ||
| He said do what we have to do. | ||
| Why don't you do that? | ||
| Why don't you be the Malcolm X for the Jews? | ||
| Maybe that's your calling. | ||
| My vocabulary. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's no way to... | ||
| Tighten that up a little bit? | ||
| I could a little, a little with Bonnie's help. | ||
| I fired my manager two weeks ago and I had her write it out for me because I knew I would have said something fucked up and mean. | ||
| Oh, that's smart. | ||
| And another thing, I go, hey listen, you know, seven years, it's time to move on and I hope we can still be friends. | ||
| And he went, definitely. | ||
| Not like, are you sure? | ||
| Maybe we could work this out. | ||
| It's like when you fucking leave a girl. | ||
| She's like, great. | ||
| Okay. Wait, whoa. | ||
| Come on, I added something. | ||
| Fight for me. | ||
| So, yeah, I would love to speak in colleges or maybe that's... | ||
| Let it cool down. | ||
| Give it a year or so. | ||
| Give it a year. | ||
| I probably wouldn't be able to get to the auditorium. | ||
| Trump said the wildest shit about Gaza. | ||
| We're going to turn it into the Mediterranean of the Middle East. | ||
| What? We're going to take it. | ||
| But he keeps saying, and I don't follow... | ||
| You know, if you don't release the hostages, there's hell to pay. | ||
| Well, what has hell... | ||
| What has he done to help release the hostages? | ||
| I mean, now they're being attacked by fucking Yemen. | ||
| You know, I mean, what... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Release the fucking hostages, and then maybe things... | ||
| How many hostages are left now? | ||
| What is it, 70? | ||
| I don't know, because they keep dropping it. | ||
| You know, four hostages for a thousand prisoners or whatever. | ||
| Is that what they're doing? | ||
| Whatever. It's a trade-off. | ||
| How many prisoners? | ||
| They got to give them for a hostage. | ||
| And, you know, this would have never went on in this country. | ||
| We would not have put up for it. | ||
| I mean, we did with Carter with the Iranian hostages. | ||
| Yeah, 200. | ||
| They were there for what? | ||
| Two years? | ||
| Well, they kept him there until Reagan was in office. | ||
| Yeah. They kept him there until after the election. | ||
| That was part of the deal. | ||
| Yeah. Part of the deal was you release these folks after Reagan takes over so that Carter can get credit for it. | ||
| Yeah. I'm sure. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That was written. | ||
| Imagine you're in there and you're like, Jesus Christ, I've got to be in here for four more months so this guy gets credit. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| Well, did you hear? | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| I only read what? | ||
| These reporters and journalists, what she said on 60 Minutes, do you think the hostages didn't feed you because they ran out of food? | ||
| Oh, that Hamas didn't feed the hostages? | ||
| Yeah, Leslie Stahl said that in an interview. | ||
| Did she really say that? | ||
| In an interview, look it up. | ||
| She said that to one of the hostages. | ||
| Do you think they didn't... | ||
| And don't quote me because this is what I read. | ||
| I don't want to get sued by Leslie, whoever. | ||
| But I think she said what I read. | ||
| Do you think the... | ||
| The captors didn't feed you because they ran out of food. | ||
| That's a crazy thing to say to someone who's a hostage. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| On fucking 60 Minutes, a journalist, how do you say something like that? | ||
| That's a crazy thing to say. | ||
| But they're bad. | ||
| The problem with these 60 Minutes journalists is the same problem with what they did with the Kamala Harris interview where they took a bumbling answer and edited it out and put an answer that she gave to something else in its place to make it look like she gave succinct, clear-cut answers. | ||
| It's not really journalism. | ||
| They're not doing journalism. | ||
| That's not a question you say to a hostage. | ||
| When you're talking to a hostage, you want to find out what the experience was like in as compassionate a way as you can to talk to this person who's been through hell. | ||
| You don't ask them, do you ever think that maybe they didn't feed you because they didn't have any food themselves? | ||
| Well, here you go. | ||
| Look at what their face looks like and look at the sunken in faces of the starving to death hostages. | ||
| Well, obviously they didn't give them any food, so shut up. | ||
| You can't watch their news. | ||
| You can't because you're going to go. | ||
| It's not news anymore. | ||
| No, it's clickbait and it's fucking. | ||
| It's a business and it's a shitty business. | ||
| It's not good at doing what it does and it's all bought and paid for by pharmaceutical drug ads and it's just not the news. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| You get some information that you can learn, but it's not like the unbiased, this is what happened, this is what caused it, this is what's being done now. | ||
| It's not that. | ||
| It's like halfway, they're kind of almost activists. | ||
| I had an argument with somebody close to me, because I go on Gutfeld, I try to go on once a month, like I said, and she says, oh, you're pro-Trump. | ||
| I go, I'm not pro anything or anti anything. | ||
| I go, I go on. | ||
| Where else is a comic going to sit for an hour? | ||
| Try to be funny. | ||
| On TV? | ||
| Yeah, on TV. | ||
| For an hour. | ||
| There's not much left. | ||
| And it's definitely not going to be on the left because they're not going to let me say the things that I get away on the Gutfeld show. | ||
| And it's a great show. | ||
| I mean, it's... | ||
| If you say something funny, they laugh. | ||
| It's, to me, the closest to tough crowd. | ||
| Right. To me. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| Not quite, but I know what you're saying. | ||
| Not quite, but it's, I mean, it's fun. | ||
| And it gets whatever views. | ||
| And I said to this person, you worked with the pharmaceutical companies for 30 years, and you're going to tell me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did they really? | |
| Yeah. And you're going to go on your high horse about me doing a show that's going to help my career and build numbers. | ||
| And, well, it's not the same. | ||
| No. It's worse. | ||
| It's way worse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's way worse. | |
| The pharmaceutical drug companies are responsible for who knows how many deaths and injuries. | ||
| Yeah, they do good, too. | ||
| Absolutely. Some pharmaceutical drugs are great, but you can't be on your high horse. | ||
| You work for them. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| In any other business, they'd be in jail. | ||
| They'd be in fucking jail. | ||
| If you lied about what your product does and it kills a bunch of people, you're in jail. | ||
| Can we talk about one of the reasons I'm here? | ||
| I don't know if you remember this. | ||
| I hope you do. | ||
| I had this torn rotator cuff. | ||
| And you said, come down. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to get you some stem cells. | ||
| Now... What's the BPC? | ||
| BPC-157. | ||
| Is that better? | ||
| Which is better for? | ||
| The stem cells or the BPC? | ||
| There's no one better. | ||
| They're all very good. | ||
| BPC-157 is called Body Protection Compound 157. | ||
| It's a peptide that helps heal soft tissue damage. | ||
| So do stem cells. | ||
| All those different things are good. | ||
| Because I'm not getting my... | ||
| Shoulders operate on. | ||
| It's like a six-month... | ||
| It's rough. | ||
| And it doesn't always work. | ||
| So what exactly is wrong with your shoulder? | ||
| Well, this is a torn rotator cuff right here. | ||
| I even brought the disc, the x-ray. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| Did you do any exercises for it? | ||
| Did you do any rehabs for it? | ||
| Not yet, because I was waiting to do this to see where this took me and how I would go from there. | ||
| But exercises are always good, like bands, like band work, where you do these kind of things. | ||
| You keep a towel pressed to your body so you hold it in place and do these rotations with bands. | ||
| All those things are good just to keep everything strong anyway. | ||
| Do you do any of that stuff? | ||
| Not those yet. | ||
| I tried. | ||
| You ever hang from a chin-up bar? | ||
| You ever do this? | ||
| No, for a torn rotator? | ||
| Yeah, just to strengthen and to release some pressure in your shoulders. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| No, I couldn't. | ||
| It's good for shoulder health in general to hang from a chin-up bar. | ||
| And if you can't hang, what you do is, like, get on a box or something that brings you to the height of the bar and just hang a little. | ||
| Just get some weight on it until you can hang fully. | ||
| I mean, look, I can... | ||
| I could still play golf. | ||
| I could swing like this. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| So they're totally fucked. | ||
| Okay. So when I went to the doctor... | ||
| There's a lot of things you can do. | ||
| Rehabilitation things you can do that'll help you. | ||
| Here's the only thing, and I could be wrong. | ||
| You'll know. | ||
| When they said, you know, rehab to build up the muscle. | ||
| But I'm... | ||
| 67, how much more muscle am I building up? | ||
| If you're 167, you can build muscle. | ||
| That's a silly way to look at it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Okay. 100%, if you're alive, that means your body's recovering. | ||
| Yeah. So that means your body's generating tissue. | ||
| That means you can build muscle. | ||
| Okay? If you can go play golf, you can build muscle. | ||
| Yes. 100%. | ||
| If you're 80 fucking years old and a woman, you can build muscle. | ||
| I mean, I work out still. | ||
| I just certain exercises I can't do. | ||
| Yeah, just you need to do... | ||
| Exercises that rehabilitate your shoulder. | ||
| Yeah. You can't just expect it to get better on its own. | ||
| You're going to have to put it through some work to strengthen the muscles around it. | ||
| Well, I'm going to, like I said, after I do this... | ||
| When are you leaving? | ||
| When are you flying out? | ||
| Wednesday. Okay, great. | ||
| So we'll get you in tomorrow morning. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| Cool. Get you in the waist well, and we'll set it up. | ||
| Did I bring the show to a dead hole with my map? | ||
| No! I thought it was a good conversation. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| It's a good map. | ||
| You know, I got more stuff. | ||
| I don't want to imagine. | ||
| Listen, I printed out a bunch of stuff. | ||
| I don't want to go back and have my fucking dumb Jew friends going, hey, you didn't bring anything up. | ||
| Oh, is that what they do? | ||
| Yes. Well, stop talking to them. | ||
| Then my wife, don't say anything stupid. | ||
| Is that what she said? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry, Bonnie. | |
| You know, be funny. | ||
| I was pretty funny. | ||
| Listen, I'm a good interview. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're fine. | |
| You're doing fine. | ||
| You know what the best, not your best, what a great show would be? | ||
| What? Me, Colin, and Norton in here. | ||
| Oh, that'd be phenomenal. | ||
| That'd be phenomenal. | ||
| Just like, tough crowd. | ||
| Yeah. You probably couldn't do it today unless you did it on the internet. | ||
| But you could still do it on the internet. | ||
| Like, Colin should really bring it back. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's plenty of guys that could still do it. | ||
| Like, Norton would be fucking phenomenal at it. | ||
| We just did Norton's podcast. | ||
| Me, Colin, and Norton. | ||
| Whatever podcast. | ||
| He's got 12 of them. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| One of the most funniest things when it comes out you'll ever hear. | ||
| Us three together, it's like a fucking... | ||
| You get back in the old groove again, you know? | ||
| Yeah, because we're just there to have fun. | ||
| We're there to have fun. | ||
| Tough Crowd and Opie and Anthony were huge for comedy. | ||
| Huge. Because Opie and Anthony, one of the things that they did that was brilliant is they just let us just go wild. | ||
| Just be ourselves. | ||
| They didn't really try to control it at all. | ||
| You know, Anthony would jump in with some funny shit, but the whole show was like, bring on a bunch of comics, have him talk a bunch of shit, give him the reins. | ||
| I mean, I was in there one day, Anthony was eating a piece of cake, I walked by him and smacked it out of his hand. | ||
| He laughed as hard as anybody on the planet, because... | ||
| The times we had in there. | ||
| I was on there with... | ||
| Were you with me when they brought in Marion Barry? | ||
| No. You weren't there? | ||
| You weren't there? | ||
| Marion Barry? | ||
| Marion Barry, the fucking... | ||
| The mayor. | ||
| The mayor of Washington, D.C. They got arrested for smoking crack. | ||
| No, you were in there with him? | ||
| Yes. Oh, that had to be a blast. | ||
| We grabbed him. | ||
| We grabbed him. | ||
| I thought you were in there. | ||
| Norton was in there for sure. | ||
| He was next door doing something and doing another interview. | ||
| And he was in the hallway. | ||
| And I think Opie said, Marion Barry's in the hallway right now. | ||
| I'm like, let's go get him. | ||
| And we got him. | ||
| We brought him in. | ||
| And I started asking him about crack. | ||
| He was like, well, nobody knows what was in that pipe. | ||
| I'm like, well, you know. | ||
| You know. | ||
| You fucking know. | ||
| What were you smoking that wasn't crack? | ||
| That's almost crazier. | ||
| You know, oh, really? | ||
| You smoked tobacco out of a glass pipe? | ||
| One of my favorites is when he was running for re-election, which he eventually won after he got out of jail. | ||
| They ask these people, do you have a problem with the fact that the mayor used to smoke crack? | ||
| They interviewed this guy in the street. | ||
| He goes, oh, everybody has to smoke a little crack every now and then. | ||
| I was like, oh, this conversation's over. | ||
| This conversation's over. | ||
| I remember the times, and I was in there one time, Pete Rose, Bobby Kelly, Ricky Gervais, right? | ||
| And fucking Pete Rose called me. | ||
| He goes, you look like some rat-faced soccer player. | ||
| Whatever he said, it was very funny. | ||
| Whatever Pete Rose said was very fucking funny. | ||
| So I walk over to Bobby. | ||
| Then I walk past Bobby. | ||
| And I walk past Pete Rose. | ||
| And I sit down. | ||
| And Pete Rose says, why are you out of breath? | ||
| I go, because I had to walk around you two. | ||
| You fat fucks. | ||
| Right? But you could say anything you wanted on that show, and it didn't... | ||
| Yeah, because I never went on it until it went to XM. | ||
| I was never on it when they were on Terrestrial Radio, when they got kicked off Terrestrial Radio, and then they got on XM. | ||
| And when they were on XM, it was wild. | ||
| It was like the first time. | ||
| It was like Howard, when Howard got on XM, or Sirius, I guess, at first. | ||
| Before they merged and then the ONA show was on XM like this is fucking crazy. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| This is basically green room talk. | ||
| Green room talk for the whole world. | ||
| Well, okay, so I brought Patrice into ONA. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah, I brought him in. | ||
| Wow. He fucking smashed me the day I walked him in. | ||
| Because we went through the back. | ||
| We went through this way. | ||
| Now he goes, what do you think? | ||
| This is good, fellas. | ||
| You walked me through the back. | ||
| You couldn't take me through the front door. | ||
| So he became a fixture on it. | ||
| So one day we're in fucking O&A. | ||
| And I'm driving this little Porsche Boxster. | ||
| He's driving this big Escalade. | ||
| Because he's a fucking buffet molester. | ||
| And he's in this. | ||
| So he's saying, he's trashing one of my Rolexes going, you're a fucking selfish douchebag driving a Porsche. | ||
| To me. | ||
| So you can't have people. | ||
| And I'm not thinking, well, maybe if you didn't eat fucking pound cake or whatever, you wouldn't eat a big S. But he's beat me down bad. | ||
| I mean, fucking killing me. | ||
| I'm speechless. | ||
| Right? Speechless. | ||
| He's fucking just pounding me. | ||
| And I walk out of there. | ||
| So the next day or two days later, I go online. | ||
| And he's trashing my car. | ||
| I look at the price of my car, new, and the price of his car. | ||
| And I send it to him. | ||
| I go, look, my shitty car costs more than your car, new. | ||
| And he calls me and goes, you're still thinking about this? | ||
| He goes, really? | ||
| You're thinking about it right now. | ||
| Still, to this day, you're arguing with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm not. | |
| I could have. | ||
| I should have. | ||
| I would drive him home. | ||
| One night I was driving him back to Jersey City. | ||
| And I go to the bathroom. | ||
| And we're walking up to his house. | ||
| And he says, oh, man, I don't have a manager. | ||
| An agent. | ||
| Nothing's going on. | ||
| I go, I can't get work. | ||
| I don't have an agent either. | ||
| Nothing. And we just both started cracking up and walking. | ||
| It was the funniest thing. | ||
| We were reading for the head of a sitcom for ABC, me and Patrice. | ||
| We were going to be the leads of this sitcom. | ||
| So we go into the head of casting at Marcy Phillips. | ||
| He doesn't want to be there, and I can't act. | ||
| So, basically, I'm not a good, at the time. | ||
| So, he won't take his face out of the fucking copy. | ||
| And I'm trying to read with him the scene, and he won't look at me. | ||
| And Marcy Phillips is yelling at me, going, what are you doing? | ||
| I go, this fucking guy won't connect with me. | ||
| How can I act with somebody that won't look at me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she goes, can you two please leave? | |
| We laughed. | ||
| All the way down the hallway. | ||
| We laughed. | ||
| We just got kicked out of an audition as the leads of sitcom, and we just cracked up all the way. | ||
| Because it just, to us, was the funniest. | ||
| Being funny in the moment. | ||
| The idea of you getting a sitcom was so unlikely. | ||
| It was always all so unlikely that when it failed, like if you went on an audition and it fucked up, you're like, eh. | ||
| It wasn't going to happen anyway. | ||
| You never thought this is going to be it. | ||
| Never once. | ||
| No. Never. | ||
| Never. I walked out of an audition once. | ||
| I just got back from Aspen. | ||
| I had a lot of heat in Aspen, but this is when my anxiety... | ||
| I've had anxiety my whole life. | ||
| 21... I was hospitalized for anxiety and they didn't know what it was. | ||
| They thought you were just nuts and gave you Thorzine and Haldol and you shuffled around like a crazy man. | ||
| So explain to me what it feels like. | ||
| What is this anxiety? | ||
| When I had it bad, well I felt so disconnected that even when I talked it felt like an echo almost. | ||
| Like I was outside of myself. | ||
| Like, if I look in the mirror, I'm going, who am I looking at? | ||
| It was just so disconnected. | ||
| And you were 21? | ||
| Yeah, 21. Smoking pot and stuff. | ||
| Oh, well, that's it. | ||
| Well, some of it was probably, where am I going in life? | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| And you're getting high. | ||
| And I'm getting high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which is like, ooh! | |
| If you're freaking out and you get high, ooh! | ||
| Do you have to pee right now? | ||
| No, why do you? | ||
| Because you said you have to go to the bathroom. | ||
| You were talking about your story then. | ||
| Okay. Because I was like preparing to like cut it off and let you go to the bathroom. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is the best day of my life. | ||
| Except for the fucking map. | ||
| The map turned out great. | ||
| It turned out a little conversation. | ||
| I had to talk. | ||
| It's Monday. | ||
| Thursday. The Thursday ones are so much better. | ||
| I'm Monday. | ||
| So my anxiety. | ||
| Wait, what did it feel like? | ||
| When you say it overwhelmed you to the point you had to go to the hospital, was your heart beating? | ||
| I didn't know what was going on. | ||
| It turned into panic or whatever. | ||
| I was so fucked up. | ||
| I was selling meat and seafood out of a car, out of a truck, some businesses back then. | ||
| I went into this therapist. | ||
| Help me. | ||
| I'll give you some free steaks and seafood. | ||
| And I was just out of my fucking mind. | ||
| And I get anxiety talking about it. | ||
| It really gives you a little anxiety. | ||
| So my friends go, let's take him to Florida. | ||
| He needs a vacation. | ||
| We drove to Florida. | ||
| I was there for a day. | ||
| I said, I got to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Take me home. | ||
| And we drove there and drove back. | ||
| Then I checked into the hospital. | ||
| The fifth floor, basically, for fucking cuckoos. | ||
| Because they really didn't know what anxiety was back then. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Because that's not that long ago in human history. | ||
| Well, I mean, it was 40-something years ago. | ||
| But isn't it nuts? | ||
| Just like in the last 40 years, how much they've learned. | ||
| Well, yeah, but also, too, it's easier to say that person's nuts, give him Thorazine, Hal, whatever antipsychotic drugs there are. | ||
| And I swear to God, you know, my day was... | ||
| And then I would shuffle. | ||
| I would shuffle around the floor with this girl. | ||
| I mean, this one girl. | ||
| We shuffled. | ||
| My friends came up to see me, and I'm like, I can't see you today. | ||
| We're going for a walk. | ||
| You know, I was like one fluid acoustic. | ||
| I was fucking out of my mind. | ||
| So... That could have been you for the rest of your life. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| So, I know. | ||
| Well... Because I did do acid in my day, and people sometimes do that shit and never come back. | ||
| Never come back. | ||
| And I saw that on Dragnet. | ||
| It's in real life. | ||
| Yeah, it is real life. | ||
| Stern's talked about that. | ||
| He did a big dose of acid once, and he was fucked up for a long time. | ||
| It'll fuck you up. | ||
| There's a guy from Pink Floyd that disappeared. | ||
| I hope it's fucking Roger Waters. | ||
| No. How dare you? | ||
| How dare I? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| What's his name again? | ||
| Shine on You Crazy Diamond? | ||
| Oh, you mean he did ass injuries? | ||
| Yeah. It's not just one person. | ||
| There's been a lot of people that had an acid trip and just never came back. | ||
| Yeah, my brother did it when we were doing it. | ||
| He was real young, and he was having a bad trip, and I had to babysit him the whole day. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking scary. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| David Gilmour. | ||
| Written by David Gilmour. | ||
| But it's not, it's about, who was it about? | ||
| Sid Barrett, that's right. | ||
| Sid Barrett. | ||
| Did acid. | ||
| Went crazy. | ||
| See? Right there. | ||
| Departed from the ban in 1968 after dealing with the mental health problems and substance abuse. | ||
| The story is he never came back. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That drug is so uncontrollable. | ||
| Well, also, what's the dose? | ||
| An effective dose is a droplet on your tongue. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Well, we were doing blotter or windowpane, four-way windowpane. | ||
| Who's making that? | ||
| They're not making it in the same labs where they're making Tylenol. | ||
| They're making it in some fucking Grateful Deadhead's basement. | ||
| Oh, too much goes into that drop. | ||
| So, I got out of the hospital and for years, I don't know however long it took, it passed. | ||
| Life started getting better, whatever. | ||
| Then, and I would get anxiety. | ||
| It would come and go. | ||
| But back then, I didn't know what it was. | ||
| It turned into panic. | ||
| So then when I was 40, I would watch my kids. | ||
| After I got divorced, I would have my kids every day. | ||
| I would work nights, and I'd watch my, I guess, four- and six-year-old. | ||
| My wife would either drop them off, or I would pick them up. | ||
| Then drop them off. | ||
| I would have them in the days. | ||
| My day was my kids. | ||
| Whatever. Go to the park. | ||
| Do this. | ||
| Do that. | ||
| Just watch my kids. | ||
| So then they went off to school full time. | ||
| First grade. | ||
| So now I'm at 40 years old living in some fucking third floor apartment. | ||
| Divorced from my first wife. | ||
| Bouncing off of fucking walls again. | ||
| I mean, fucking 40 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No purpose. | |
| No, just, I'm going, I gotta quit comedy. | ||
| I gotta go into the psych ward. | ||
| I'm fucked up. | ||
| This is fucked up. | ||
| So I found this therapist who was also, and I was already sober. | ||
| I found this therapist that was in recovery, and he basically brought me back, you know, some medication. | ||
| Through his partner who was a psychiatrist. | ||
| He was a therapist. | ||
| Great. I could talk. | ||
| I could say anything to him. | ||
| Whatever, you know. | ||
| And then it just got better. | ||
| And then I realized and worked knowing whatever anxiety I feel, it'll pass. | ||
| Nothing lasts forever. | ||
| It'll pass. | ||
| Like, I had a little anxiety. | ||
| For the last week, thinking about this, I go, what, you know? | ||
| Really? A little bit, because, and we're friends, and I've done podcasts, and Bonnie goes, shut up and be funny. | ||
| Be whatever. | ||
| You know, a million things went through my fucking head. | ||
| Because, I mean, shit, you've had fucking Trump on, Elon Musk, you know what I mean? | ||
| And that's my low self-esteem, because, of course, I should be doing everything in my mind. | ||
| Do you see what I'm saying? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| But, Even when I did Tough Crowd, I was on 30 times. | ||
| Every episode, I had anxiety until it started. | ||
| Every special or everything I've ever done, anxiety for the first second, I walk out, boom, gone. | ||
| All right? | ||
| Well, that's because you care. | ||
| I mean, what you're calling anxiety is just nerves. | ||
| Yeah. If you're doing something that's difficult or something that's important to you, you're going to have nerves. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| It's healthy. | ||
| That shows you're challenging yourself, which is one of the most important things you can do in life to stay vibrant. | ||
| You have to challenge yourself. | ||
| When I did the Trump, when we roasted Trump, this was a fryer's roast, right? | ||
| It's when they broke away from Commie Central, right? | ||
| They broke away. | ||
| So, it's at Hilton in New York, 2,000 people. | ||
| Anybody that meant anything in New York, from club owners, agents, managers, celebrities, they were all there. | ||
| So the first act goes up, this guy, Stewie Stone, old-time Catskill comic. | ||
| He kills like no one I've ever seen kill on a roast. | ||
| Fuck you, Trump. | ||
| Fuck your casinos. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Just fucking slaughtered. | ||
| Right? And I'm sitting on the dais. | ||
| I'm sitting next to Isaac Hayes. | ||
| Opie and Anthony are there. | ||
| My father, his wife, Bonnie, before I married her. | ||
| And he, I go, I'm going to end my career. | ||
| I go, I'm going to end my career. | ||
| Okay. Then Susie Essman goes up. | ||
| Slaughters. Slaughters. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Amorose wrote her some funny jokes, and she's great at roasts. | ||
| And I was ready to sneak off the fucking, just leave. | ||
| I go, it might be better if I leave than go up. | ||
| Well, then Belzer went up. | ||
| Took a little wind out of the room. | ||
| Took a little, you know. | ||
| So, Regis Philman was the host. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Three weeks after Rodney Dangerfield died. | ||
| Three weeks. | ||
| They introduced me. | ||
| I go, big hand for Regis. | ||
| Originally, they asked Rodney to host, but he said he'd rather be dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Three weeks left, right? | |
| Zero. Almost zero, right? | ||
| Really? Right. | ||
| I go, don't fuck with me. | ||
| I'll bring Belzer back. | ||
| And then Al Sharpton was sitting on the dais. | ||
| I can't believe I said this, but back then it was okay. | ||
| He wasn't roasting, but he was on the dais. | ||
| And that's when he was running for president. | ||
| And I said, the only way you'll get on the White House property is with a lantern in your hand. | ||
| I said to him, so fuck him, I didn't care. | ||
| And then I got him back. | ||
| Three of the jokes that I said. | ||
| We're the ones that were printed in the newspapers. | ||
| You know, the one I did, I go Trump. | ||
| The reason Trump puts his names on his buildings is so the banks know which ones to take back. | ||
| And that was 20 years ago. | ||
| But it was the most terrifying moment. | ||
| Next to doing Dev Jam as the first white guy was one of the most terrifying moments in my... | ||
| I mean, I'm going to end my career. | ||
| But Dev Jam... | ||
| You know, Def Jam was on for five years. | ||
| The number one show on HBO. | ||
| I go, okay, we're going to use a white guy. | ||
| It's me. | ||
| Right? So now I got white comics. | ||
| You better be funny. | ||
| I have black... | ||
| White comics are saying that to you? | ||
| You got to represent us? | ||
| Yeah. Really? | ||
| Which ones? | ||
| I want to know who they are. | ||
| This was 20 years ago. | ||
| The white comics that were doing black rooms back then. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Then there was black comics. | ||
| Man, I'm doing it and they're not. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So they're taping in New York five nights. | ||
| This is funny. | ||
| Five nights. | ||
| Was that when they were filming in Harlem? | ||
| It was... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was in New York five nights at some theater. | ||
| And it was the year... | ||
| I did it the fifth year when they had a different guest host every night. | ||
| Like Martin Lawrence wasn't one night, one show Chris Rock, Chappelle, Jamie Foxx, and Steve, what's his name? | ||
| Harvey. Harvey was my host, you know. | ||
| So, I'm going every night. | ||
| I mean, I went one night, and it was just so funny. | ||
| Like, Guy Torrey would come out and do the warm-up. | ||
| And he would say, listen, this is not the Apollo. | ||
| There's no fucking booing here. | ||
| This is HBO. | ||
| We don't boo, right? | ||
| This is a whole other level. | ||
| We don't want to hear any booing. | ||
| So this comic comes out. | ||
| He walks out. | ||
| And with a black audience, if you're wearing the wrong sneakers, you're in trouble. | ||
| Believe me. | ||
| I used to do a lot of these. | ||
| You know, he comes out in like Reeboks. | ||
| He's wearing an all-gold suit. | ||
| And his first joke in New York is, I just want to say I'm not from New York. | ||
| I'm from Canada, right? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| He's bombing so bad. | ||
| And when a black audience can't boo you, all you heard in the room was, mm, mm, mm, mm. | ||
| Child, mm. | ||
| It was brutal. | ||
| So, I'm like... | ||
| Now, they're taped five nights, two shows a night. | ||
| I'm on the last night, second show, and I go second to last. | ||
| Now, all the comics that were still in town, that were the celebrity hosts, were at the taping. | ||
| I'm going, this is one of the scariest moments of my life. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| You know, no white guy. | ||
| Steve Harvey brings me out. | ||
| He goes, well, our next act is something we haven't seen or special, whatever. | ||
| And Russell made me wear his clothing. | ||
| I got fat farm on and these baggy pants, you know. | ||
| And I look back on it because it was 25 years. | ||
| It would be different. | ||
| I pandered a lot. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I did grow up in that neighborhood, but I'm out like this. | ||
| And it worked out, luckily. | ||
| But I look back and go, I would never do that now from 25 years ago. | ||
| The pandering and just talking like I'm fucking from the hood and shit. | ||
| And I had a good set. | ||
| It worked out. | ||
| But it was the second scariest moment in my career. | ||
| But listen to what you just said. | ||
| Both scariest moments of your career worked out great. | ||
| Yes. They always, yeah. | ||
| So, wouldn't that eventually build some confidence? | ||
| Oh, I have confidence. | ||
| Okay. It doesn't sound like it. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I'm just telling you scary moments. | ||
| Listen, you always got to question yourself in this business because you want to get better. | ||
| You want to... | ||
| And you just, I don't know. | ||
| I question myself. | ||
| I go, I have, not again, not an ego. | ||
| I have a reputation to live up to of the stuff I've done in this business. | ||
| So I come out and people are going, look, Bobby and Keith, we were at the cellar one night. | ||
| I go, I got a spot at the underground. | ||
| They go, we're going to come over and watch you bomb. | ||
| That sounds like Keith. | ||
| Keith and Bobby, right? | ||
| So, so, Nikki Glaser's on. | ||
| Killing. Killing. | ||
| Not the cleanest, but funny. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what somebody does. | ||
| She's funny, and she was killing. | ||
| So, I went on. | ||
| And my first two jokes, I had, they killed. | ||
| And I go, see, Bobby, see, Keith, I can follow anybody, right? | ||
| Right. Well, then, I didn't know this. | ||
| They went into the back corners of the room, and after every joke, they would go, oh, oh. | ||
| And they had the whole audience turn on me going, what's going on? | ||
| I would say a joke that might have been a little edgy, and they would go, oh, real loud. | ||
| And so the whole audience is going, what's this guy doing up there? | ||
| They're groaning him. | ||
| One table goes, what's going on here? | ||
| And I'm fucking bombing now because these two fucking jamokes are in the back of the room going, oh my god. | ||
| It's so fucking funny, Bobby and Keith. | ||
| Well, that was the culture. | ||
| The culture of comic culture was like constant busting balls. | ||
| Constant busting balls. | ||
| Somebody would go on stage and we would all go downstairs and sit in like the front row and watch. | ||
| There's nothing worse you could do for a comic than your friends sit in the front row and stare at you. | ||
| You're like, what are you doing, man? | ||
| When Kevin Hart was leaving New York to go to fucking L.A., he threw himself a little go-away fucking show at Boston Comedy Club. | ||
| You remember Boston Comedy Club? | ||
| Sure. So he's on stage pontificating, doing whatever. | ||
| And I don't know why, but me, Keith, and Patrice were in the back of the room. | ||
| And there was like 10 phone books back there. | ||
| And he's up, and we started throwing phone books at him. | ||
| Phone books? | ||
| Yeah, they were just in the club from, I guess they were delivered there, all these phone, and we're throwing phone books at Kevin Hart. | ||
| And he says, on interview, he goes, I knew I was accepted when they were throwing phone books at me. | ||
| I knew I was part of the crew, you know. | ||
| But we were just heaving phone books out of, like, fucking three assholes in the back of the room, I mean. | ||
| And we would just... | ||
| It was just fun. | ||
| It was probably the most fun I've had in comedy when we would just stand out. | ||
| Me, Patrice, Keith, and Norton. | ||
| Till three and four in the morning in front of Boston just trashing each other. | ||
| Just talking shit. | ||
| Yeah. Just, you can't replicate that. | ||
| It can't happen again. | ||
| It was just so funny. | ||
| Keith is, he's fun if you see him around, you know, or Norton or Bobby, but it was so much fun. | ||
| I heard Keith is killing it now, even with his strokes. | ||
| His special, we were at the tape and the fact that he didn't win an Emmy, it was so fucking good, his special. | ||
| He painted a picture when he was taught. | ||
| You could see everything he was saying. | ||
| Him in the hospital, him with a stroke. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| I walked out of there going, this is the best thing I've ever seen. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| I don't know why he didn't... | ||
| I mean, it's... | ||
| Who gives a fuck about the Emmys? | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| Everybody knows how good it was. | ||
| All those fucking awards... | ||
| Award shows for art, to me, are some of the most ridiculous things. | ||
| Really? How many fucking albums... | ||
| Oh, I don't even want to say her name, but... | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| They don't know funny. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It doesn't. | ||
| It's just an industry way that they can celebrate each other, and then they put on a show, and the show generates money, and they make a bunch of money from the show, and then it becomes a thing they hold over your head. | ||
| Maybe you can win a Grammy. | ||
| Maybe you can win an Emmy. | ||
| Maybe you can win this. | ||
| You've got to be a part of the club. | ||
| Like, look what happened to Chris. | ||
| He wanted to be a part of that group, doing the Oscars, and he gets smacked by Will Smith. | ||
| They don't arrest him, and then 10 minutes later, or whatever it was, Will Smith's on stage receiving the Academy Award, and they give him a standing ovation. | ||
| It's fucking insanity. | ||
| It's Hollywood. | ||
| That shows you what these people are. | ||
| To want their love and their respect is pointless. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| They don't even know what they like. | ||
| They like whatever everybody tells them to like. | ||
| They don't understand what their support... | ||
| It's just a bunch of people wanting to be a part of the group that's the in-group. | ||
| Like, what do we have to do? | ||
| What do I have to say? | ||
| What do I have to agree with? | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Years ago... | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| If that was Chappelle, he wouldn't have smacked Chappelle. | ||
| Because Chappelle's a little cut, a little bigger. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| The whole thing was crazy. | ||
| That poor guy. | ||
| One move. | ||
| He does one move. | ||
| Now everybody remembers nothing but that forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But what? | |
| Fuck I Am Legend. | ||
| Fuck Ali. | ||
| All those different things he did that were awesome. | ||
| Nobody cares anymore. | ||
| He's like, that's the guy that smacked Chris. | ||
| Every day he's got to wake up in the morning and go, fuck. | ||
| That one thing. | ||
| Fuck. If he hadn't done that, if he just ate it, and by the way, not even bad jokes. | ||
| Nothing. G.I. Jane, like that's the most fucking, that was a powerful movie. | ||
| It was a great movie. | ||
| Yeah. About a strong woman. | ||
| Like it's not even really an insult. | ||
| It was just silly to smack a guy like that and then that's your thing forever. | ||
| People are going to remember that? | ||
| Yeah. Crazy. | ||
| Yeah. Crazy blunders, you know? | ||
| And that probably comes from not having anxiety, by the way. | ||
| That comes from having too much confidence. | ||
| Confidence. Too much. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Too much of a belief in yourself. | ||
| Too much of a belief. | ||
| Yes. In your own importance. | ||
| That you can interrupt this entire enormous award show. | ||
| The biggest award show in the industry. | ||
| That you're set up to receive a fucking Academy Award in about an hour. | ||
| Or whatever it was. | ||
| You're going to go up there and smack a guy on TV? | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Because he doesn't have that anxiety. | ||
| So your anxiety shields you from doing something like that. | ||
| Yeah, the fear and the insecurity sometimes is good. | ||
| Sometimes it's good for you. | ||
| The lack of insecurity can be the worst thing. | ||
| If you're too cocky, it's... | ||
| Yeah, they say be humble. | ||
| Be humble, you know. | ||
| And I thought Chris handled it as well. | ||
| Let's see, what can he do? | ||
| What can he do other than run off the stage? | ||
| Yeah. Which he probably should have just walked off after he got smacked. | ||
| He tried to keep going. | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| I worked with him on both Oscars he hosted. | ||
| And he is the nicest guy on the planet. | ||
| I guess if you're... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just from working with him, you know. | ||
| Yeah, he's a very nice guy. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| Also, he's harmless. | ||
| Like, you can't smack a harmless person. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yes, I'll tell you what. | ||
| If that was Tony, there would have been a fight. | ||
| If that was Tony Rock, there would have been a fight. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, Tony went off on stage, like, right afterwards about it. | ||
| Yeah. Tony's a different dude. | ||
| But Chris, like, is, like, almost if it was anybody but Chris, you know? | ||
| I mean, you can't do that to anybody else. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| If you did it to Kevin Hart, Kevin Hart would crack him. | ||
| The whole thing is crazy. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It didn't make any sense. | ||
| It's like the guy's in some sort of a very bizarre relationship with his wife. | ||
| And, you know, whatever internal conflicts they have just manifested itself in a terrible decision that he made. | ||
| If he would have said that about my wife, I would have smacked her and said, laugh. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| But, you know, not being able to take a joke is one of the worst qualities that people can have. | ||
| Do you take yourself so seriously when someone says something funny, you can't laugh as well? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You're missing out on laughs. | ||
| You're missing out on your own joy. | ||
| Like, you should have joy about someone making fun of you, and you're great at that. | ||
| You're great at that. | ||
| It's one of the best things about you on ONA, is that when they would crack on you, you would laugh. | ||
| It's so... | ||
| They were good jokes. | ||
| They were funny. | ||
| They were on time. | ||
| And if I was, at times, lucky enough to come back with something, then I would. | ||
| If not, then I sucked. | ||
| The last time I did Kill Tony a couple weeks ago, and I told a joke, and Tony goes, that's the oldest joke in history. | ||
| And I go, yeah, I wrote it. | ||
| Okay, so shut the fuck up. | ||
| But it was a great episode because... | ||
| He fucked with me and I took it. | ||
| Well, Kill Tony's one of the only places left where that kind of fucking with people is like openly encouraged. | ||
| That kind of fucking with people is like, I mean, and Tony's the best roaster on the fucking planet. | ||
| He's quick. | ||
| He's like Norton. | ||
| He's so quick, you think he, just like Norton. | ||
| He's so quick, you think he wrote it in advance. | ||
| Yeah, he's quick. | ||
| And it's off the cuff. | ||
| He does it all the time. | ||
| He does it in the green room. | ||
| He does it everywhere he goes. | ||
| Well, but here's the thing, too. | ||
| He's done that show for, what, 10 years or more? | ||
| Yes. He's built that muscle in his head where, boom. | ||
| Yep, yep. | ||
| Automatic that something's going to come back. | ||
| Well, when you host a show like that, too, you understand the rhythm of the show, the beats of it. | ||
| And he's so good at letting other people shine. | ||
| He's really good at... | ||
| He wants you to do well. | ||
| He doesn't feel upstaged if Shane comes on as Trump or when Kyle was doing... | ||
| Kyle did RFK Jr., and he also did Elon Musk. | ||
| Who, Kyle Dunnegan? | ||
| Yes. Yeah, he's so good. | ||
| Fucking brilliant. | ||
| That guy is... | ||
| Fucking brilliant. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| He is so fucking funny. | ||
| Yeah. And then you had Adam Ray, who did Dr. Phil, which was fucking amazing, and Biden. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The show's so good. | ||
| I did Kill Tony twice with Adam Ray, and he's fun to be with. | ||
| One, they love him. | ||
| Yeah. They love him. | ||
| But... He laughs and gives you your due, too. | ||
| I've done radio with Gervais. | ||
| Gervais is a big laugher. | ||
| If you say something funny, he'll laugh and crack up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And you've got to have that. | ||
| If it's funny, they don't get jealous or get mad and go, I'm going to outdo that. | ||
| They laugh. | ||
| Well, the people that do suck. | ||
| No one who does that is any good. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| No one who does that is any good. | ||
| No. No one who's like, oh, I gotta do better than him. | ||
| Yeah, it's stupid. | ||
| You're missing out on the whole thing. | ||
| That's not what we're doing. | ||
| It's a show. | ||
| It's a show. | ||
| It's whatever. | ||
| Hey, I gotta piss. | ||
| Let's come back. | ||
| We'll come right back. | ||
| So, I heard... | ||
| You heard... | ||
| The stem cell... | ||
| I can't do stuff for a couple weeks. | ||
| You can do things. | ||
| Golf? Yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| With a stem cell? | ||
| Yes, of course. | ||
| If it gets shot into me Wednesday, what's tomorrow? | ||
| Tuesday. I could play golf Thursday. | ||
| Yes. What about the BPC? | ||
| Yes. Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You just can't lift heavy weights for a while. | ||
| Oh, I'm not going to lift heavy weights. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Just don't tear it apart while it's building back up. | ||
| That's the whole idea. | ||
| Don't aggravate it. | ||
| Does that hurt when you do that? | ||
| No. Then don't worry about it. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| You'll be fine. | ||
| A little. | ||
| No. Well, you should be doing rehabilitation. | ||
| You should have already. | ||
| I'm looking at your shoulders right now. | ||
| They fall apart on their own. | ||
| You've got to exercise. | ||
| If you're having injuries with your shoulders and the muscles around them and people are telling you to strengthen them, you should listen to those people. | ||
| They're right. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| Listen, I went to physical therapy for my back and it's working. | ||
| So why wouldn't you do it for your shoulder? | ||
| Because I was waiting to do this shit first. | ||
| That would help. | ||
| All of it would help. | ||
| The more muscles you have around your shoulder, the better it is. | ||
| It was only two or three weeks ago we said go to physical therapy. | ||
| I go, well, he wanted to cut my shoulder. | ||
| I said, I'm not cutting it. | ||
| I'm going to try the BPC and the stem cells. | ||
| You can definitely heal soft tissue injuries without surgery. | ||
| The real issue is when tendons are separated and they need to be put back in place and reconnected. | ||
| That's the real issue. | ||
| Well, a lot of people tour. | ||
| Rotator cups. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Tear rotator cups. | ||
| Yeah, I had a torn rotator cup. | ||
| I think I did it. | ||
| I was doing upright rows with 50-pound kettlebells, and I think that was too heavy or too much. | ||
| So you got a trainer, Rich. | ||
| Huh? Get a trainer. | ||
| I'm doing all right. | ||
| I mean, I know how to work out. | ||
| Obviously, you need some help. | ||
| Nothing wrong with a little bit of help. | ||
| Look, do you want to get better or not? | ||
| Yes. Okay, get a professional. | ||
| You're saying get a trainer for my shoulder or for my hold? | ||
| For your shoulder for everything, for all of it. | ||
| So someone show you how to do it right so you're not hurting yourself. | ||
| Well, I think I'm doing triceps and biceps right. | ||
| I know I am. | ||
| I'm doing lats right. | ||
| Show me the guns. | ||
| Well, they're not. | ||
| Then how do you think you're doing them right? | ||
| They're not bad. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| What, small? | ||
| It's tiny. | ||
| Oh, listen. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| I mean, I can see it. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| My chest is nice. | ||
| You want me to do my chest? | ||
| Do you want to see my chest? | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| I'll take my chest out. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| There's no reason to do that. | ||
| My lats and traps are good. | ||
| Okay. Look, for almost 68, I think I look better than most people I went to school with. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I think... | ||
| Look, I work out all the time, but I maintain. | ||
| Okay. I maintain it. | ||
| I feel like a therapist. | ||
| I feel like I'm helping you through your life. | ||
| You are helping me. | ||
| From the moment you got in here. | ||
| You are helping. | ||
| I feel like I'm helping to guide you. | ||
| No, get a fucking professional that knows how to work out and build yourself back up to the point where you're not having these kind of injuries. | ||
| Yeah, and rehabilitate it correctly. | ||
| When they tell you to do physical therapy on your shoulder, fucking do it. | ||
| I'm gonna do it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you waited three weeks, you're 68. You only have a few years left. | |
| Fix it. | ||
| So then what the fuck? | ||
| I only have a few years, so... | ||
| Well, do it. | ||
| You want a few years left in fucking working order. | ||
| Fucking listen, Bonnie. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| You should listen to Bonnie. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I'm gonna fucking... | ||
| Do you think... | ||
| I'm never going to get my arms bigger than that. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Of course you could. | ||
| At 68, you get your arms bigger. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Yeah. The reason why your arms exist at all is because your tissue is regenerating. | ||
| Your tissue is... | ||
| You're healing and you're getting better. | ||
| Yeah. You 100% can get stronger. | ||
| 100%. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. | ||
| You would get stronger. | ||
| I have nice lats and nice chest. | ||
| You could be 87 and still get stronger. | ||
| As long as you're alive, you can get stronger. | ||
| Because if your heart beats, if your hormones work, if you can move around, that means your body can repair itself. | ||
| Well, I won't do... | ||
| What is it that gets you hard? | ||
| Viagra? No, no. | ||
| Cialis? No, not the drug that makes you... | ||
| Testosterone? Yeah, testosterone. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Testosterone. You won't do that? | ||
| Well, because it makes it, it leads to prostate cancer. | ||
| No, it doesn't. | ||
| That's what my doctor told me. | ||
| Your doctor's wrong. | ||
| He died. | ||
| It's incorrectly. | ||
| Your doctor's an idiot. | ||
| He died two years ago. | ||
| What hope do I have? | ||
| He doesn't know the real studies. | ||
| There's a guy named Brigham Bueller who runs ways to well who could explain the flaws in that study that showed that it gave people prostate cancer. | ||
| Look, people get prostate cancer. | ||
| Testosterone's not giving you prostate cancer. | ||
| It's like across the board, the same percentage of people that take testosterone or don't take testosterone get prostate cancer. | ||
| There's probably a ton of variables. | ||
| It has to do with diet. | ||
| A lot of cancer has to do with diet. | ||
| Fuel of cancer is sugar. | ||
| Do you eat a lot of sugar? | ||
| I stopped for a year. | ||
| I'm going to get back on. | ||
| I eat pretty fucking good. | ||
| For the last month and a half, I haven't. | ||
| For a year. | ||
| Yeah. There's environmental factors. | ||
| There's genetic factors. | ||
| There's a lot of different things. | ||
| But, you know, if you want to take care of yourself, testosterone will actually make your body heal better. | ||
| You'll feel better. | ||
| You'll have more energy. | ||
| Your immune system will function better. | ||
| Everything will work better. | ||
| You should have your hormones balanced. | ||
| We live in a time where you can get a full blood panel and find out where your nutrient levels are. | ||
| And if you do it with a good doctor, what they'll do is they'll adjust your diet and your nutrients first and then see in a couple months what your levels are then and then find out how much are you sleeping. | ||
| Are you sleeping right? | ||
| Well, there's a problem there because then your body's not recovering. | ||
| So you've got to figure out a way to adjust something in your life to make you sleep better. | ||
| And then after that, once they get everything all worked into its optimum range, you're doing all the right things, they go, what are your levels now? | ||
| Okay, well, add a little. | ||
| Add a little bit of testosterone. | ||
| Peptides that'll increase your body's ability to promote growth hormone. | ||
| There's stuff like samoralin that makes your body produce more growth hormone so your body repairs itself better like when you're younger. | ||
| There's all rigorous science behind all this stuff. | ||
| I'll get Brigham to explain it to you. | ||
| He'll do a much better job than me. | ||
| Who's that you got tomorrow? | ||
| He's the guy who owns WasteWell. | ||
| He's been on the podcast. | ||
| He's testified in front of Congress. | ||
| I'll bring the disc. | ||
| Bring the maps too. | ||
| He'll love the maps. | ||
| Let me tell you something about these maps. | ||
| These maps? | ||
| I printed this shit out. | ||
| I see. | ||
| Looks like your printer needs ink. | ||
| Pretty dull. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| Fix your eyes. | ||
| My eyes work pretty good. | ||
| You want to see some other statistics I got? | ||
| Oh. What else you got? | ||
| No, I don't want to get into this. | ||
| Please don't. | ||
| Did you see those girls land today? | ||
| The Blue Origin? | ||
| They shot that metal dick up into space? | ||
| Yeah. People were mad they wouldn't let the ladies drive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Katy Perry and someone else. | |
| Katy Perry, Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos' wife. | ||
| If that thing blew up and if Jeff Bezos' wife blew up with it... | ||
| Twitter thinks that the capsule is too clean. | ||
| They don't think it was real. | ||
| Obviously. Of course, Twitter doesn't think space is real. | ||
| There's a whole community out there. | ||
| Hashtag space is fake. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's really retarded people who think the earth is flat and that there's a firmament. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They think birds aren't real. | ||
| Did they land? | ||
| Is it over? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| They did it? | ||
| Yay! How'd they land? | ||
| In the ocean? | ||
| Not in the desert. | ||
| How long did they go for? | ||
| Parachutes. They land with parachutes? | ||
| So the thing lands with a parachute? | ||
| I'll show you a video. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| I want to see the video. | ||
| Oh, that's them in the middle of the desert? | ||
| Wow. One second. | ||
| It looks different than that. | ||
| That has to be crazy. | ||
| Would you do that, Rich? | ||
| Would you go to space? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| You think you'd get anxiety if you went to space? | ||
| I don't even like Ferris wheels. | ||
| Well, those two things are very different. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Let's see the landing. | ||
| How long do they go for? | ||
| Very soft, soft landing. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Imagine, from space, and the only thing we got to land you is a parachute. | ||
| Like one of the oldest technologies. | ||
| Wow. You can hear them in there. | ||
| Blue eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Screaming. Wow. | |
| How long? | ||
| How long were they up there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not long. | |
| Isn't it funny that they screamed? | ||
| Do you think the men would scream like that? | ||
| Would you and I scream like that if we landed? | ||
| Well, I don't know about you, but I know me. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| Look at that go back. | ||
| The one below it. | ||
| I'll tell you what I'll never do is clap when a pilot lands. | ||
| You don't do that? | ||
| That's his fucking job. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| What if it's a female pilot? | ||
| I wouldn't have got on the plane. | ||
| No. There was a bunch of them in a row where I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| The Delta one in Canada where it flipped upside down? | ||
| Yeah, can you imagine? | ||
| The lady just started landing planes recently. | ||
| Like, yeah, take that one out on the icy runway. | ||
| Here's $30,000. | ||
| No, I'll wait for the lawsuit. | ||
| Blue Origin declined to say how much the flight cost or who paid for it. | ||
| The trip came two months before Sanchez and Bezos to marry in Venice. | ||
| Oh, they're going to marry in Venice in two months. | ||
| Oh, they haven't married yet. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I thought they were married. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They're going to do it in Venice. | ||
| Oh, how beautiful and romantic. | ||
| Wow. Yeah, you can't tell people how much it costs because then there's gonna be retards like,"That money could have housed so many houseless, so many unhoused could have benefited. | ||
| How many poor people?" These fucking retards are like,"If Elon Musk gave a million dollars to everyone on earth, he'd have money left over." There's all these mathematicians out there that are fucking constantly want to comment on other people's money. | ||
| How convenient! | ||
| And those people would fuck up that money, too. | ||
| It's all the rich people are the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm rich, but I'm not as rich as the richest people, so everybody richer than me is a problem. | |
| Fucking house, too. | ||
| All these people. | ||
| All these fucking people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I own three homes, but I'm a United States senator. | |
| And I'm worth millions and billions of dollars, but everyone richer than me is the problem. | ||
| It's the rich, rich, rich people. | ||
| Not the regular, regular rich. | ||
| Oh, that tour. | ||
| There's so many. | ||
| Him in AOC. | ||
| Yeah, tax the rich. | ||
| Remember she had that fucking dress she wore? | ||
| Tax the rich. | ||
| How about fuck off? | ||
| What are you going to do with the taxes? | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| When Doge is uncovering $250 million that was spent on animal transgender studies where you're fucking chopping the dicks of mice and turning them into pussies. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| Fuck off with your tax the rich. | ||
| How about you fix the world without taxing the shit out of everybody? | ||
| How about... | ||
| There's other ways. | ||
| I can't even tell you what I sent the other day to the IRS. | ||
| It's just fucking... | ||
| And I'm, you know, just a regular fucking... | ||
| You know, so much money. | ||
| Well, they were complaining about Elon. | ||
| Elon doesn't pay taxes. | ||
| Elon paid more taxes last year than any human being that has ever walked the face of this nation. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| So shut the fuck up. | ||
| It's like, there's never, it's never enough. | ||
| And people that don't have, always look at people that do have, like, well, you could do with that money. | ||
| Well, you could do with your money, you fuckhead. | ||
| 1%. In the world, do you know what it is? | ||
| If you're a 1%-er? | ||
| In the world. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| $34,000 a year. | ||
| No. Yes. | ||
| If you make $34,000 American dollars a year, you are in the top 1% of planet Earth. | ||
| Get the fuck out. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| Because you're comparing it to the rest of the planet. | ||
| All of the planet. | ||
| The whole planet. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Most people are dirt poor. | ||
| Yes. Most people. | ||
| So all this bullshit about, well, he could do that money. | ||
| Well, you're saying that from your fucking Manhattan apartment where you're Ubering all over the place and getting fucking takeout. | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| Listen, when I was in Cabo working there, it was amazing. | ||
| You drive to the airport, people are living in fucking shacks there, this and that. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| It's horrible, but... | ||
| Look, this sounds narcissistic. | ||
| I came from a major, major drug addict and I turned my life around. | ||
| It's all, you gotta find a way to do what you can for yourself. | ||
| I don't give a fuck where you are. | ||
| I grew up with dudes from heroin addicts to people with five kids at fucking 22 or whatever. | ||
| And a lot of people made it out of there and found a way to be successful. | ||
| Yeah, you can look at it that way. | ||
| But the point is, like, looking at people that are uber successful and telling them what they should do with their money is just the dumb shit. | ||
| And that's why they don't want to give out how much money it costs to fly this rocket ship into space. | ||
| Of course it's frivolous and gratuitous. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's a publicity stunt. | ||
| They had a bunch of hot ladies. | ||
| They flew them off into space, and then they landed. | ||
| Yay! Now you've been to space. | ||
| But basically, you're in space for like 10 minutes. | ||
| That's what the flight was. | ||
| It probably cost a billion dollars to fly people into space for 10 minutes. | ||
| Wow, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How many fucking clubs you could have bought me? | |
| How many golf clubs? | ||
| How many golf clubs? | ||
| That's your thing, right? | ||
| You're just a fucking inveterate golfer, right? | ||
| I love golf. | ||
| Yeah. You and Jamie. | ||
| Jamie should show you his setup back there. | ||
| Yeah. He's got a driving computer with a big screen. | ||
| I was hitting this morning into the screen. | ||
| You bring the screen with you? | ||
| I just went at the hotel. | ||
| Really? Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, to Thompson. | ||
| I went down, worked out twice. | ||
| You shouldn't tell people you're staying. | ||
| No, I'm not staying there. | ||
| I walked over there. | ||
| Oh. And used our screen. | ||
| Really? Yeah. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah, I brought my clubs. | ||
| Yeah, and plus this isn't live. | ||
| You and Jamie should fucking... | ||
| Have a little driving contest. | ||
| I think Jamie... | ||
| I played with him and Tony before. | ||
| We played together? | ||
| Yeah. A couple years ago, like two years ago. | ||
| Oh, with me, you, and Tony, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. Oh. | |
| You won? | ||
| Yeah. How good do you play? | ||
| How good is he, Jamie? | ||
| I don't recall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, I'm not good either, so... | |
| I shoot anywhere from 82 to I want to break a club. | ||
| I don't know what any of those numbers are. | ||
| 82 is pretty good sometimes. | ||
| I've shot in the 70s. | ||
| How is it? | ||
| Pretty good? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, very good. | |
| Pretty good? | ||
| I shot... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's for 18 holes, but yeah. | |
| When I was a kid, the guys who golfed all the time were the guys who weren't paying as much attention to their career. | ||
| I remember thinking a lot of these guys are kind of stagnant because they're golfing all day. | ||
| In Boston, those guys would golf all fucking day long, get hammered. | ||
| That you grew up with? | ||
| No, guys that I started out with. | ||
| The golfers. | ||
| All wound up spending so much time playing golf. | ||
| I thought it was like, wow, that's a big distraction. | ||
| You should have some activities, but golf is like... | ||
| How many hours? | ||
| Four and a half. | ||
| That's a lot of hours. | ||
| That's a lot of hours, but also, too, it makes you disconnect from all the bullshit that's going on in life. | ||
| You know, you don't have to deal with whatever, you know. | ||
| Do you golf with comics, too, so you get to talk some shit? | ||
| Oh, yeah, some comics. | ||
| Yeah, I think I'm going to golf. | ||
| If I can after I get these shots Thursday with Aaron Berg, I think I'm going to golf with him. | ||
| Yeah, you definitely can. | ||
| You can golf on Thursday, for sure. | ||
| Golfing is not going to fuck it up. | ||
| It'll be sore for a day or two after you get the injections, but you'll be fine. | ||
| We've got to clean you up, Rich Voss. | ||
| Clean up your life. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| We're going to do it. | ||
| Check in with me. | ||
| I'll tell you what to do. | ||
| Look, I'll show you my chest. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| I'll show you a picture. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| So you're saying from here on. | ||
| Yeah. You're not saying. | ||
| What are you going to impress me with your chest? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Well, you say I got small arms. | ||
| I got to say, well, I got a nice kick. | ||
| Well, you're telling me they're big. | ||
| I never once said my arms. | ||
| You said they're good. | ||
| Your triceps and your biceps are good. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen, let me explain something to you, okay? | |
| Fucking waffle neck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Waffle neck? | |
| Is that bad? | ||
| No, I call my kids that. | ||
| What does waffle neck mean? | ||
| I call him chicken head. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Okay, you're right. | ||
| They're not big, but they're hard, and they're not flabby under here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You're not falling apart. | ||
| I'm not some flabby. | ||
| Yeah, congratulations. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| You want credit for being okay? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Whatever happened to Mr. Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootstraps, Get Your Shit Together? | ||
| What about all that talk? | ||
| You're barely doing anything. | ||
| You're like, you're okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I work out six days a week, I lift. | |
| Do you? | ||
| Yes. I have a nice gym in my basement. | ||
| Do you think if I worked out with you, I'd be impressed with the effort that you put forward? | ||
| Not in the least. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| I do 500 crunches. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I do zero. | ||
| I don't do any crunches. | ||
| What do you do, sit-ups? | ||
| Yeah, I do a lot of different stuff. | ||
| Do you do planks? | ||
| No. I think planks are nonsense. | ||
| So do I. They're uncomfortable. | ||
| It's hard to do. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But I think in terms of an exercise for your core, it's kind of nonsense. | ||
| I think you should do things. | ||
| First of all, you should almost always do things that have a range of motion. | ||
| I like to do things that make my body work as a unit. | ||
| So all the ab exercises that I do, I do a lot of different things for abs. | ||
| I do reverse squats. | ||
| You know what those are? | ||
| You strap your ankles to a cable machine. | ||
| You lay on your back and you pull towards you. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| I do those. | ||
| Well, I got one of those machines where I put my knees in it and I pull up to get the bottom. | ||
| Okay. Yeah, that's good. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Sure, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Those are good. | ||
| Anything where you work your whole core. | ||
| And then you've got to also do the opposite side. | ||
| Back extensions. | ||
| Yeah, I do that. | ||
| I do it on that thing I showed you. | ||
| That machine you were showing me. | ||
| Yeah. I'll do back. | ||
| Because, and I got to lose another 10 pounds again. | ||
| I gained it back. | ||
| But it comes and goes. | ||
| And because I have lower disc problems and, you know, I'm getting sciatica. | ||
| So whenever I lose weight, I'm in much better shape. | ||
| Yeah, I could tell by when we got on that stretching machine, the decks. | ||
| Yeah. Your body doesn't go all the way down. | ||
| It's tight. | ||
| Your lower back is very tight. | ||
| Oh, I'll go in there right now and go all the way down. | ||
| I was just doing it. | ||
| No, I'm saying there's tension. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| You see how my body hinges? | ||
| Yeah. My body just hinges. | ||
| It just goes down there. | ||
| There's no tension. | ||
| Yours is like... | ||
| You stop like right there. | ||
| You probably could go all the way down, but your body doesn't want to. | ||
| The point is there's tension in your lower back. | ||
| Well, I've never used that machine, too. | ||
| It was my first time. | ||
| Stop with excuses. | ||
| Do you stretch? | ||
| No. On stage, if they need me to do an extra 20. If they go to stretch. | ||
| I've done it two hours. | ||
| If D.L. Eugly and I'm middling and he's coming four hours late. | ||
| Back in the day, I was working the Caroline's and I was opening for DL. | ||
| And, you know, I'm doing all my good stuff up front. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And then they have to stretch. | ||
| And they go stretch. | ||
| I'm going... | ||
| What am I going to do now? | ||
| He wasn't there yet? | ||
| No, he wasn't. | ||
| Oh, that's the worst feeling in the world. | ||
| Walking in with his... | ||
| You get all your best material, and they're telling you to stretch, like, I don't know, and you're just scouring your brain. | ||
| You're scouring your brain. | ||
| Well, luckily for you, you could work the crowd. | ||
| Yeah. So, I... | ||
| Now, what was the question? | ||
| Am I doing... | ||
| Do I stretch? | ||
| Yeah. Yeah, I do for my back. | ||
| I have this extra... | ||
| I lie down. | ||
| Yeah. And I pull this back like that. | ||
| Okay. That's good for my lower back. | ||
| Sure. You know what that is? | ||
| Do I know what it is? | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I know what you're doing. | ||
| That's my lower back. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Just crossing your legs and leaning forward. | ||
| Yeah. And I pull it back. | ||
| Right. Okay. | ||
| And then when I'm doing sit-up, crunches, I'll do it either on that machine. | ||
| Or I'll pull my legs this way, too. | ||
| So I'm getting my lower. | ||
| Watch you move. | ||
| I'm like, oh my God. | ||
| First of all, I know the crew you have come in here, a lot of them. | ||
| None of them work out at all. | ||
| A lot of them do. | ||
| Who doesn't work out at all? | ||
| Name one. | ||
| No, I don't want to. | ||
| Name a guy. | ||
| Ari. Ari doesn't work out at all. | ||
| Okay, there's one. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Mark Norman. | ||
| I don't know if Norman works out. | ||
| Mark Norman definitely works out. | ||
| Oh, he does? | ||
| He runs. | ||
| He can do a lot of pull-ups and sit-ups. | ||
| From audiences. | ||
| You know what I like talking to Mark? | ||
| He loves comedy. | ||
| Oh, he loves it. | ||
| And he knows the history of it. | ||
| But he knows the history of it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like, you'll talk to comics now and go, oh, Steve Landisberg was funny. | ||
| Who was that? | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Of course he works out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| He's ripped. | ||
| He's ripped. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Now you feel bad. | ||
| Now I feel bad. | ||
| It hurts me to see that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you kidding me? | |
| You're talking shit and he looks great. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| You're talking shit. | ||
| He looks like a male model. | ||
| Show me that again, Jamie. | ||
| He's not holding up a newspaper. | ||
| We don't know when that was shot. | ||
| Who cares when it was shot? | ||
| You never looked like that. | ||
| Show me that again. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Take your clothes off? | ||
| No, I'm going to take a picture. | ||
| He looks fucking good there. | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| He looks good. | ||
| So does his wife. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Look at that right there. | ||
| He's got boxing gloves on and an iPhone. | ||
| He's in shape, man. | ||
| You're incorrect. | ||
| Alright, relax. | ||
| You feel bad, right? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| Shane works out. | ||
| He's here all the time. | ||
| This is not working out. | ||
| We work out. | ||
| Shane works out? | ||
| Yeah, he comes in and uses the gym. | ||
| We work out together. | ||
| We put your glasses so you can find your abs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Let me find. | ||
| You're in there somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, baby. | |
| Showing you somewhere. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You are looking for your glasses. | ||
| Are you going to find a photo of you looking good? | ||
| Forget about that. | ||
| That's the past. | ||
| Let's concentrate on now. | ||
| Put away the cookies. | ||
| Put away the sugar. | ||
| Listen to your doctor. | ||
| He tells you to rehab your shoulder. | ||
| Get yourself in shape. | ||
| Can't believe we're doing this. | ||
| People are listening. | ||
| They can't see this. | ||
| They couldn't see the picture of him either. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean this, you being on your phone here looking for a photo of back in the day when you looked reasonable. | ||
| This was recently. | ||
| How long ago? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at you. | |
| They look good there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Oh, not bad. | ||
| Okay. You look pretty good right there. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| It's not that bad now. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| 2018. Oh, that's pretty recent. | ||
| That's pretty recent. | ||
| Yeah. Pre-pandemic. | ||
| A lot of people fell apart during the pandemic. | ||
| That's what happened. | ||
| And then I came back on track for a year. | ||
| A whole year. | ||
| And then it fell apart again. | ||
| And then since January, when I was in Canada. | ||
| Oh, Canada did you? | ||
| Canada fucked me up. | ||
| They got you with communism. | ||
| They got you with communism. | ||
| They made you eat poutines. | ||
| Oh, that shit is good. | ||
| Oh, it's so good. | ||
| Late night, late night poutine. | ||
| It's just pure heart attack. | ||
| Yeah, they have different delis in Canada. | ||
| Like, we used to go to Montreal, they call it smoked meat. | ||
| Yeah. It's basically like going to Cantor's, right? | ||
| Or going to Katz in New York. | ||
| I've been to a couple of those smoked meat. | ||
| Oh, phenomenal. | ||
| But, you know, I heard, and I don't know if it's true, and I... | ||
| If you eat too much smoked meat, you can get stomach cancer from that, from all that smoked meat. | ||
| Who fucking told you that? | ||
| This guy with stomach cancer. | ||
| No? Not true? | ||
| Smoked meat is not what it is. | ||
| There is some connection between burnt meat, like the carbon in burnt meat and cancer. | ||
| I think it's colorectal cancer. | ||
| But I do not know how robust those studies are. | ||
| I mean, people have been cooking over fire forever. | ||
| I just don't, I don't buy it. | ||
| There's a lot of bullshit involved in these studies that tell you that this causes cancer, that causes cancer. | ||
| Here's what 100% causes cancer: herbicides, pesticides, chemicals, forever chemicals that are in your fucking food. | ||
| That paper cup that you're drinking out of when you drink hot liquids out of a paper cup. | ||
| We got to throw those fucking paper cups we have. | ||
| Have you seen what Paul Saladino did when he dissolved a Starbucks cup and shows you what's really at the base of it? | ||
| It's basically a condom. | ||
| See if you can find Paul Saladino's video. | ||
| Wait, you got all those paper cups. | ||
| I'll take them all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I saw them today. | ||
| I poured my coffee in this. | ||
| We're going to get rid of all our paper cups. | ||
| I'll take them. | ||
| Paper cups for hot liquids are fucking stupid. | ||
| Really? Because the lining of those paper cups is plastic. | ||
| So you're basically pouring hot liquid into plastic, which is the worst. | ||
| Okay. See, he shows. | ||
| So he's dissolving the paper cup, and that's what's inside of it. | ||
| So you think you're drinking out of a paper cup, but it's not really paper. | ||
| It's plastic. | ||
| There's a plastic lining, and that's the only reason why those coffee cups from Starbucks hold paper. | ||
| So hot water to plastic. | ||
| Give me some volume on this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chemicals, PFAs, anything in that plastic is leaching into your coffee drink. | |
| So do not think you're getting a paper cup. | ||
| You are getting a plastic cup and you are putting hot water into it. | ||
| That's a horrible, horrible idea. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Looks like a condom. | ||
| What's the solution? | ||
| Glass jar, get your coffee in a glass jar or a stainless steel mug. | ||
| Simple solution, don't expose hot liquids to plastic like this. | ||
| Horrible idea for your hormones, horrible for your body. | ||
| Send this to somebody you know who drinks hot coffee out of paper cups like this and needs to get them out of glass or stainless steel. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| My wife, she won't drink out. | ||
| She knows all this shit. | ||
| Good. She's a reader. | ||
| You should listen to Bonnie. | ||
| I try to. | ||
| She... Meditate. | ||
| She's really good. | ||
| She's smart. | ||
| Which is weird. | ||
| Super smart. | ||
| The two of you guys together, that it works. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's like, you know what I need? | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| What month? | ||
| What are we at? | ||
| April. April. | ||
| April. 15th. | ||
| 14th? 14th? | ||
| April 14th. | ||
| So let's go April 14th, May, June 30th. | ||
| I'm back here at the club on my birthday. | ||
| Okay. So you're going to look good. | ||
| I'll look. | ||
| I'm going to go to June 30th. | ||
| We'll take a picture. | ||
| I'll put it on my Instagram. | ||
| Take your shirt off. | ||
| Flex. Not now. | ||
| No. June 30th. | ||
| I'm giving you time. | ||
| I want to give you a goal. | ||
| June 30th. | ||
| Is that enough time? | ||
| Sure. Absolutely. | ||
| Two months? | ||
| Yes. In two months you can lose 20 pounds of fat and look great. | ||
| Yeah. Because eat healthy. | ||
| Just get on a very low-carbohydrate diet. | ||
| That's what I did. | ||
| I'm not doing keto. | ||
| I'm not gay, but I went... | ||
| Keto's gay? | ||
| A little. | ||
| When I try to cut carbs, let me tell you something. | ||
| It was easier for me to quit crack than it was carbs. | ||
| Really? Well, I never gave anybody a handjob for a Kaiser roll. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, part of my act, folks, he's killing. | |
| June 30th, the week I'm here. | ||
| Right. I don't know how much bigger my arms will be. | ||
| You don't have to get bigger. | ||
| I'll just be more cut up. | ||
| Get you look good. | ||
| But I think I look okay. | ||
| Well, we're going to get you a blood panel tomorrow, too. | ||
| They'll find out where your hormone levels are at. | ||
| Find out what the fuck is wrong with you. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| All that shit. | ||
| Blood panel. | ||
| They'll draw blood. | ||
| They'll draw blood and then send it to a lab. | ||
| They're not going to tell me I have cancer. | ||
| They could if you want to know. | ||
| No. You don't want to know. | ||
| I already had blood tests at my doctor's office. | ||
| Did your doctor do a comprehensive cancer scan? | ||
| Did prostate? | ||
| No. Just looked in your asshole. | ||
| That's all they did. | ||
| No, with the blood. | ||
| And looked at my sugar levels. | ||
| They can do this incredibly comprehensive blood panel. | ||
| They dig a lot of blood out, and then they send it to a lab, and they find out whether or not you have any. | ||
| I have zero cancer. | ||
| I was super happy. | ||
| Because when they did it, I was like, ooh, I have the same feeling. | ||
| I don't know if I want to know this. | ||
| It's just waiting for fucking... | ||
| Start thinking about it and start mind-fucking yourself laying in bed at night. | ||
| Like, what if I have it right now? | ||
| What if I find out tomorrow and I have four weeks to live? | ||
| It's fucking too much anxiety. | ||
| When I went back in the day, everybody, like, went for the AIDS test after you got clean. | ||
| Oh, I remember that. | ||
| I remember my first AIDS test. | ||
| So I got my AIDS test. | ||
| I was so scared. | ||
| Okay, this is true. | ||
| My doctor, whenever I went to my doctor and took any test, he would call me and say, everything's fine. | ||
| There were calls, everything's fine. | ||
| So I took an AIDS test. | ||
| The doctor didn't call you. | ||
| And I get a call from the doctor. | ||
| And he said, can you come in tomorrow? | ||
| I'm going, what do you mean come in tomorrow? | ||
| My heart dropped because he would have said everything's fine. | ||
| I go, what do you mean? | ||
| Why do you want me to come in tomorrow? | ||
| He goes, your tooth came in. | ||
| It was my dentist, but I heard a doctor. | ||
| I thought it was my real doctor telling me I have fucking AIDS. | ||
| Because everybody took that test in the 80s. | ||
| When I first got insurance, I had to get an AIDS test in the 90s. | ||
| And I remember the doctor, I said, boy, I'm fucking real nervous about this. | ||
| And the doctor said, are you gay? | ||
| I said, no. | ||
| He goes, do you do drugs? | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| He goes, don't worry about it. | ||
| You don't have it. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| I go, what about the fucking news? | ||
| Yeah. The news is freaking me out where I'm scared to touch fucking doorknobs. | ||
| Like, how come the news is saying that everybody's going to get it? | ||
| He says, listen, no one's getting it other than gay people and people who are intervening as drug users. | ||
| Well, people on my block were dropping. | ||
| We went to see Pee Wee in a hospital, and all the nurses were wearing masks. | ||
| So we go, I think he has that thing. | ||
| Nobody even knew what the fuck to, you know. | ||
| Yeah, they thought it was contagious. | ||
| By the way, that was Fauci, too. | ||
| Back then? | ||
| Yeah. Who's responsible for all that? | ||
| Fauci was responsible for people freaking out about AIDS. | ||
| Fauci was on TV back in the 80s telling people that children could possibly catch it from people. | ||
| Yes. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. Do you know the Dallas Buyers Club? | ||
| Where they were limiting the medication that gay people could take? | ||
| That was about Fauci. | ||
| He was responsible for that. | ||
| He was the one who pushed AZT on people back then. | ||
| AZT was that chemotherapy medication that was killing people quicker than the cancer was. | ||
| They stopped using it on cancer and they repurposed it and started using it on people that had AIDS. | ||
| And it didn't help you. | ||
| And it kills you dead. | ||
| They were giving it to people that didn't even have any fucking symptoms. | ||
| They had HIV. | ||
| They had no symptoms. | ||
| They'd given them AZT. | ||
| They were dying in months. | ||
| It was the only time ever in medical history where they were telling you to take a chemotherapy drug indefinitely. | ||
| Every time you take chemotherapy, the idea is that it gets your body close to death but kills off the cancer. | ||
| They were telling you to keep taking it. | ||
| Just keep taking it. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| What they did is madness. | ||
| If you read Robert Kennedy's book, The Real Anthony Fauci, it's all about that. | ||
| And the beginning of it is all about the AIDS crisis and all the different things that they did that mirrors exactly what they did during the COVID crisis. | ||
| So what drugs are they using now? | ||
| They started using protease inhibitors and that really helped. | ||
| The whole AIDS thing is very complex. | ||
| It's very complex because the vast majority of the people that got AIDS were heavy drug users. | ||
| Heavy drug users or gay guys who are experienced. | ||
| You know, a lot of different sexual partners. | ||
| But it was because of blood being transferred. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of it, but it's also part of it you're destroying your immune system with fucking drugs. | ||
| These guys were taking amyl nitrate and crystal meth and partying and not sleeping, just crushing their immune system. | ||
| Plus sharing needles with the blood going for them. | ||
| Yep, that too. | ||
| And then they would get them on medication that would definitely kill them. | ||
| And then it was a crisis. | ||
| And then, you know, everybody was running around scared. | ||
| And I was scared too until I talked to my doctor. | ||
| He just looked me in the eyes. | ||
| But no one could say that back then. | ||
| So this is like 90... | ||
|
unidentified
|
91 maybe? | |
| Maybe 91? | ||
| 92? 88. And my doctor was like, don't worry about it. | ||
| I was like, what about the news, man? | ||
| I remember talking to this guy. | ||
| He was a young guy. | ||
| I was like, why is the news telling me... | ||
| He goes, heterosexuals aren't getting this. | ||
| Unless you're an intravenous drug user, don't worry about it. | ||
| I only checked because I shot dope like... | ||
| Maybe three times. | ||
| What was it like? | ||
| I didn't like it. | ||
| I was more of a... | ||
| What did Shooting Dope do feel like? | ||
| Just down. | ||
| I did it with Bastille. | ||
| He was a major one. | ||
| He was funny, though. | ||
| Frankie was funny. | ||
| I remember seeing him for the first time when I was an open-miker in 88. And he was just a wild dude. | ||
| He was like one of the first guys I ever saw with tattoos. | ||
| All these tattoos, and they're like, he does heroin. | ||
| Everybody would tell you. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| It was heroin. | ||
| When someone did heroin back then, it was crazy. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| He does heroin? | ||
| Now, think about how many people are hooked on opiates. | ||
| Back then, it was super rare. | ||
| Well, the difference between heroin and freebase, you can function on heroin. | ||
| There's functioning heroin addicts for years. | ||
| Yeah. Do it. | ||
| You can't function on Freebase or Coke. | ||
| You've got to keep having it. | ||
| I had a buddy of mine who was a longshoreman, and he would tell me that this guy he would work with, and not just one guy, but one guy that he was working with, that he was a friend, on his lunch break, get a bag of heroin, shoot it up in his car, sit there for half an hour, and then go back to work. | ||
| Yeah. Crazy. | ||
| You can't do that with Freebase. | ||
| It's nonstop. | ||
| You've got to keep it. | ||
| Oh, I imagine. | ||
| Was that your thing, Freebasing? | ||
| Yeah, Freebase. | ||
| How old were you when you first Freebased? | ||
| Well, I... | ||
| When I first got high, I was 15. You know, pot. | ||
| I led my way up to the gateway drug. | ||
| Yeah, coke. | ||
| So snorting coke. | ||
| I snorted coke probably when I started when I was 18 or 19, right? | ||
| And then when you worked to crack? | ||
| Crack, probably 25 to 28. Do you remember the first time you did it? | ||
| I think it was with my cousin. | ||
| Yeah, it was like... | ||
| I go, this is good. | ||
| I mean, I guess. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| I got so many of them. | ||
| So, my friend, I was on the road. | ||
| I came back. | ||
| He goes, look, I'm going to buy an eighth of Coke. | ||
| Cut it into five halves. | ||
| Five half grams. | ||
| Okay. And we'll do two half grams and I'll sell the other three. | ||
| I know where this is going. | ||
| Well, we did one or two. | ||
| And then he went to sleep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, this is fucked up. | |
| I found where he hid it. | ||
| Oh. He didn't hide it as good as you hide your money? | ||
| No. I went in and I would steal one at a time. | ||
| I drove to the convenience store. | ||
| I cooked it with ammonia, right? | ||
| Ammonia? Yeah, clear ammonia. | ||
| Wait a minute, you actually cooked the coke and turned it into crack? | ||
| Yeah. Why would you do that? | ||
| Is it better that way? | ||
| Oh, that's how you get free-based crack. | ||
| You've got to process it. | ||
| You could do it with baking soda. | ||
| You could do it in a boil it. | ||
| Who taught you how to do this? | ||
| Are you a chemist? | ||
| No, it's a crack addict. | ||
| Other crack addicts were giving you the recipe? | ||
| No, I learned it. | ||
| There's three ways to do it. | ||
| Or four with ether, which you could blow up your house. | ||
| I would steal a half a gram from them. | ||
| I would go to the convenience store. | ||
| I'd cook it, smoke it, and pour out the ammonia. | ||
| I said, I can't do it. | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| I don't want to help. | ||
| You put it in... | ||
| It's the internet. | ||
| ChatGPT will tell you to make... | ||
| Ask ChatGPT right now. | ||
| I'll tell you. | ||
| How do you take cocaine and turn it into freebase? | ||
| You put it in a teaspoon and you light it and it turns into a rock. | ||
| Okay. And then you squeeze it. | ||
| And then you smoke that rock. | ||
| You squeeze and try to get the ammonia out as much as you can in the rock. | ||
| So I would pull... | ||
| I would get the ammonia, steal a half a gram from him, go to the... | ||
| Bright early in the morning. | ||
| Come back, cook it, pour the ammonia out well. | ||
| ChatTB2, the chemistry behind it, how it's made. | ||
| For educational purposes only, not intended to encourage illegal activity. | ||
| Baking soda, I said. | ||
| You could do it. | ||
| Cocaine hydrochloride powder with baking soda and water. | ||
| Sometimes ammonia is used instead of baking soda, but baking soda is more common for crack. | ||
| Heat the mixture. | ||
| As it's heated, the cocaine bases separate from the hydrochloride and form solid rocks that float to the top. | ||
| Cool and dry. | ||
| This is like a recipe. | ||
| Solid pieces. | ||
| The crack rocks are cooled and hardened, then dry. | ||
| So, I emptied out the first bottle. | ||
| Then there was two or three more half grams. | ||
| I went and stole another one. | ||
| Went back to the convenience store. | ||
| Bought more ammonia. | ||
| After the fourth trip to the convenience store, I go, hey, listen, I got a cleaning business. | ||
| We need a lot of ammonia. | ||
| Well, I smoked all his coke. | ||
| And all of a sudden, I hear somebody yell. | ||
| Fuck! He woke up and saw his coke was gone. | ||
| How many hours had passed? | ||
| Probably four. | ||
| How many trips to the convenience store? | ||
| Four. And I was just drinking straight vodka, right? | ||
| Whoa. And I'm walking home. | ||
| Now I'm $250 in debt. | ||
| And it was towards the end of my career. | ||
| As a crack addict? | ||
| As a drug addict, yeah. | ||
| I like how you call it a career. | ||
| It was a crack career. | ||
| Well, I think I told this story years ago, but I'll tell it. | ||
| And he doesn't care because he told it in his book. | ||
| So me and Frankie are doing a one-nighter. | ||
| And back then, I had the car. | ||
| You would pick up an act at the Improv and then go do the one-nighter in Jersey. | ||
| Right. So we pick up this comic, little white guy, whatever. | ||
| We go do our one-nighter, and we're supposed to drop him off at the Improv. | ||
| And I go, hold on, I gotta make a stop. | ||
| And we go up to Spanish Harlem. | ||
| He goes, what are you doing? | ||
| I go, my sister lives here. | ||
| She's not doing well. | ||
| There's people chasing people with knives up and down the street. | ||
| And I go up and buy crack, freebase, right? | ||
| And the kid's like, get me home. | ||
| Take me back to the improv. | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| Right. Well, relax. | ||
| So now we go down to the Lower East Side and Frankie gets heroin. | ||
| And the kid... | ||
| Now Frankie's in the back seat tying up, shooting heroin. | ||
| While you're driving? | ||
| Well, I'm driving. | ||
| He's in the back shooting. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the kid is fucking scared to death. | |
| He was a little white kid. | ||
| He wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| It was David Spade. | ||
| Was it really? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He was a little white kid from Arizona. | ||
| Do you remember when he first started? | ||
| He tells the story in his book and I apologize to him. | ||
| He goes, oh don't worry, it's a good story. | ||
| Right? But we kept him hostage as I'm smoking crack and Frankie's banging dope in the car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| I heard an Otto and George story once. | ||
| He's working at a club in Jersey. | ||
| I don't need to name the club. | ||
| And he leaves The club with the owner's daughter, and they're headed into New York, and there's another guy driving the car. | ||
| He stops off at Washington Square Park, picks up a bag of crack, and starts smoking it in the car. | ||
| And the girl freaks out, and he says, the classic line, he goes, what? | ||
| I thought the broad wanted a party. | ||
| I just did a documentary about him. | ||
| They interviewed me. | ||
| They're doing a documentary on Otto and George. | ||
| Well, we did a lot of those shows, those prom shows with Otto and George. | ||
| Oh, he was... | ||
| Genius. Yeah, but I'd drive with him to a gig and he would go, do you know what George thought of today? | ||
| What? You fucking psychopath. | ||
| You're George. | ||
| Well, he would make people pull over so he could go check on George. | ||
| George is in the trunk. | ||
| He would pull over and check on George. | ||
| I think there's something to that. | ||
| I think that dummy had a mind of its own. | ||
| And he might have been he had some weird personality disorder where he put a personality to that dummy. | ||
| But that dummy, when that dummy would say things, you knew it was George. | ||
| Yeah. Like, it didn't even feel like it was Otto. | ||
| It felt like George had his own thoughts on things. | ||
| I worked with Van Troel, of course, once. | ||
| And I go into his room on the road, and he's... | ||
| Putting away the dummy's clothes in another dresser drawer than his. | ||
| He's like putting away the clothes of the dummy. | ||
| Folding the clothes? | ||
| Yes, of his dummy. | ||
| Here's a bit I kind of want to do. | ||
| You know, back in the day, you know, when there was bank robbers, outlaws, they would wear a handkerchief and go rob a bank. | ||
| Well, I want to be the outlaw ventriloquist where I go up with a little dummy and put a handkerchief. | ||
| This way they can't see my lips move, but I could say I'm the outlaw ventriloquist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I could do a whole five minutes. | |
| And everybody's going, he must be great. | ||
| I can't see his lips move. | ||
| That's good, but you're supposed to talk too. | ||
| Part of the fun of being a ventriloquist, Otto would say, I can't believe you're saying that, George. | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| The eyebrows would pop up and you'd get crazy. | ||
| It's the banter back and forth. | ||
| I'll talk behind the mask. | ||
| I'm not going to do it. | ||
| Terrible idea. | ||
| So I threw it out. | ||
| How come there's no ventriloquist on this planet? | ||
| That gets along with their dummies. | ||
| Well, there's not even very many ventriloquist acts anymore. | ||
| There used to be a bunch of ventriloquist acts. | ||
| There was Willie Tyler and Lester, who was in L.A. There was a few. | ||
| There was Vincent Antoneau and George from Long Island. | ||
| You know what I think it was? | ||
| It's like when one guy becomes really big, like Jeff Dunham. | ||
| He became the man when it came to ventriloquist. | ||
| And then he's so popular that nobody touches it anymore. | ||
| Sort of like Carrot Top did that to prop acts. | ||
| Yeah. Like prop acts used to be... | ||
| Remember when we started out? | ||
| The fucking WID. | ||
| Did you ever work with the WID? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's great! | |
| Yeah, he pulled it in fucking diaper, I mean, laundry basket shoots with fucking props. | ||
| Oh, he had so much shit. | ||
| Yeah, he had like a whole trunk full of stuff that he would have to carry to the club. | ||
| But they don't have them anymore because Carrot Top became so famous as a prop act that everybody's like,"Oh, that's a Carrot Top thing." They just abandoned it. | ||
| Like musical acts. | ||
| There's no fucking musical acts anymore. | ||
| They're on ships. | ||
| Gary Delano was a musical act. | ||
| But guys who've been around for a long time. | ||
| They're legacy acts. | ||
| There's no upcoming people right now that are musical comedians. | ||
| Well, there's no magicians. | ||
| Farentino was a magician. | ||
| There was a couple of magic acts. | ||
| Like when I did one-nighters, there was jugglers, juggling Jack Scherzi. | ||
| A couple magic acts. | ||
| There's a few magic acts still that work in California because of the Comedy Magic Club. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Hermosa Beach. | ||
| He used to have it where you'd have a magician mixed in with the comedy. | ||
| Last time I worked there. | ||
| When I started working there, I was like... | ||
| Do you ever remember Chips Cooney where he did the fake magic act? | ||
| No. It was really funny. | ||
| He would just do stupid stuff. | ||
| Lenny Schultz was a prop actor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was a prop actor. | |
| Remember Crazy Lenny? | ||
| He just died. | ||
| Like about a month ago, three weeks ago. | ||
| More pigs, Lenny. | ||
| There were more pigs, and he was just... | ||
| He was so ridiculous. | ||
| He was nuts. | ||
| He was so funny, though. | ||
| And the nicest guy in the world. | ||
| Yeah, I remember he pulled out a Smokey the Bear doll, and he's like, only you can prevent forest fires. | ||
| He was like, shut the fuck up! | ||
| And he punched the bear. | ||
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| And then he'd move on to something else like it never happened. | ||
| It's like, it was what? | ||
| He would kill. | ||
| Kill. And it made no sense. | ||
| No sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No sense. | |
| It was just maniacal. | ||
| It was just crazy. | ||
| With his crazy face and crazy eyes. | ||
| But it was really funny. | ||
| Like Caratop. | ||
| He's a good prop act. | ||
| If you like prop acts, he's the best prop act. | ||
| I mean, Rip Taylor didn't like him, but, you know, Rip Taylor's from how many fucking years ago? | ||
| Rip Taylor? | ||
| Yeah, remember the gay... | ||
| Oh, with the mustache? | ||
| Yeah, and throw this... | ||
| Yeah, the glitter and stuff. | ||
| How come he didn't like Carrot Top? | ||
| Because Carrot Top was getting real famous at the time. | ||
| And Rip Taylor was... | ||
| He's a hater. | ||
| He's a hater. | ||
| Yeah, was... | ||
| The prop act. | ||
| But it's like most comics today are just comics. | ||
| They just do stand-up. | ||
| There's very little, like, all the variety stuff is gone. | ||
| Well, Frankie Pace was a prop act. | ||
| He killed. | ||
| Yeah, he killed. | ||
| Killed. You're right. | ||
| There was more variety in the one-nighters and the clubs. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, in the 80s, comedy was anything. | |
| There was no definition of it back then. | ||
| Like, guys had, like, pieces of paper they'd bring on stage and hold up signs. | ||
| There was all kinds of weird shit. | ||
| Now it's just people talking. | ||
| Oh, the guy from Boston, I work with him. | ||
| He was so angry. | ||
| We did a one-nighter. | ||
| He said, fuck this at a pool hall. | ||
| Bob something. | ||
| He had paper signs he would pull up and do a thing on signs or whatever. | ||
| He was just from Boston. | ||
| Well, there was the guy from the Blue Collar tour, Bill Engvall. | ||
| Yeah. He had signs. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Yeah. None of them said quit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| What? I, uh... | ||
| What do you call it? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Kills on stage. | ||
| Josh Adam Meyers. | ||
| Yeah. He does... | ||
| Kills! Well, he does that goddamn comedy jam where he does music, too. | ||
| But that's a little different. | ||
| But we had him on our show, Would You Bang Him? | ||
| Me and Bonnie do the show. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| You know the show we do? | ||
| No. What we do is... | ||
| Bonnie and I host it. | ||
| And we have, like, five comics. | ||
| And they do, like, eight or ten minutes apiece. | ||
| Then we have three female judges and a gay judge. | ||
| And after the set, they discuss whether they would fuck him or not. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| And the gay judge is always the funniest. | ||
| He's always the funniest. | ||
| But some of these female judges are just so funny, you know. | ||
| So he came out. | ||
| We did it a couple... | ||
| We do it at a lot of festivals. | ||
| And we did it in New York. | ||
| And Josh Adam Myers came out. | ||
| And he sang the whole time. | ||
| Just fucking... | ||
| All over the stage, I'm going, he's got to close every show in a comedy club because nobody's following that. | ||
| There's no way at the cellar that you're going to go up after that. | ||
| And what he does is great. | ||
| What he does is... | ||
| Yeah, if you were on the road and you had a middle act and the middle act was brought to you by the club, like they assigned a middle act and the middle act was doing music, you were fucked. | ||
| You were fucked. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay, fucking guitar act. | ||
| I worked Vegas once following a guy with a guitar, and he's fucking closing with Springsteen and a bandana on his head. | ||
| I'm going, what the fuck? | ||
| It's a totally different thing. | ||
| But it's weird that that's not more popular, because it used to be so effective. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| It's like, why isn't there more of those acts like that out there? | ||
| Because it was so effective. | ||
| Well, some of them... | ||
| Got older and went to cruise ships that do guitar. | ||
| I know, but why didn't the younger ones? | ||
| How come no younger ones emerged? | ||
| That's what's weird. | ||
| It is kind of weird. | ||
| No impressionists either. | ||
| Very few. | ||
| That do impressions. | ||
| Yeah, very few. | ||
| And everyone that... | ||
| They would turn around, fix their hair, and then do their... | ||
| They always turned around. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Imagine if Jack Nicholson... | ||
| I'd be scared to turn around and the audience left. | ||
| But they turn around. | ||
| There was so many... | ||
| Jeff DeHart. | ||
| He did Rod Sterling perfectly. | ||
| It is interesting. | ||
| There's not a lot of just impressionists, right? | ||
| Yeah, Danny Stone, Randy Credico. | ||
| Yeah. Frank Caliendo does. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's like the only one. | ||
| You don't really see him in clubs. | ||
| I don't know if he's still in clubs. | ||
| He does a lot. | ||
| I think he does his theater, mostly. | ||
| Yeah, he was on the Virus Tour, on the Opie and Anthony Tour. | ||
| Yeah, I did it with him. | ||
| Yeah. Oh, you did the Virus Tour? | ||
| Yeah, I did one of them. | ||
| I hosted every show. | ||
| Yeah, I did one of them in Vegas. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the Vegas one. | ||
| That was the last time I saw Patrice. | ||
| Wow. Yeah. | ||
| We're doing the benefit. | ||
| I host it every year and Billy closes it. | ||
| We're doing it, I think, in May this year. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. Okay, so it's next month. | ||
| Do you know the dates? | ||
| Yeah, I'll tell you right now. | ||
| Tell everybody so they can go buy tickets. | ||
| Bust out those glasses, Grandpa. | ||
| These are dollar store glasses, okay? | ||
| Why do you buy them at the dollar store? | ||
| Because my good ones are at the hotel. | ||
| I don't want to lose them. | ||
| Oh, you don't want to waste them. | ||
| I don't want to lose them. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| I would have worn the good ones on Theo's podcast. | ||
| Jesus Christ, I'm looking at your face when you turn sideways so I can see how much magnification you got. | ||
| What are those? | ||
| How many X you got? | ||
| 250. That's it? | ||
| Yeah. Oh, okay. | ||
| It looks like I'm seeing double the size of your fucking... | ||
| It looks like you got stung by a bee. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen to me. | |
| So it's already sold out? | ||
| So people can't buy tickets? | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| It sells out every year. | ||
| It is beautiful that you guys do that every year. | ||
| The Patrice benefit. | ||
| Yeah. It's very cool. | ||
| You talk about a guy that touched so many people because he was so brilliant. | ||
| How could it be on a Sunday? | ||
| The Patrice benefit. | ||
| It says May 18th in my calendar. | ||
| Maybe because Billy's doing 12 Angry Men. | ||
| He's playing every fucking character. | ||
| No, he's in Gary Glang Ross. | ||
| Oh, is he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. Is he coffee for closers? | |
| Is he that guy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Go see it. | ||
| I'd rather fucking walk through Lebanon wearing a fucking yarmulke. | ||
| Go see that fucking angry hack. | ||
| Fuck off, Billy. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Send me your stupid pro-Palestinian bullshit. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Oh, does he have a lot of pro-Palestinian stuff? | ||
| Oh, we fight all the time online. | ||
| He sends it to you? | ||
| Well, on text. | ||
| Really? We go back and forth. | ||
| You and Bill Burr go back and forth about Palestine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real? | |
| Yeah, sometimes, yeah. | ||
| Wow. Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, look, I'm friends with him for years. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I mean, forever. | ||
| Yeah. Fucking Billy, you know. | ||
| Fucking... When comedians get political and to the point where they distance themselves with people that don't agree with them, that to me is hilarious. | ||
| Hilarious in how stupid it is. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| Yeah. What are you doing? | ||
| Like, this is where you're going to fucking draw the line on some shit that barely affects your personal life? | ||
| I've not... | ||
| Any of my friends that are like that, I'm still friends with them. | ||
| I don't agree with a lot of the shit and they're stupid. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| One or two people I think say really vile stuff and I just mute them. | ||
| I don't deal with them. | ||
| They're not friend friends. | ||
| Right. I mean, shit, me and Norton don't agree on everything. | ||
| How can you? | ||
| How can you agree on everything? | ||
| His wife is so much hotter than my wife. | ||
| She's got a better dick. | ||
| She was the best man at his wedding. | ||
| Norton is so quick and funny. | ||
| He was the best man at my wedding. | ||
| He's so fucking funny. | ||
| He's great on Kill Tony. | ||
| He's one of the best guests. | ||
| You know who else is fucking... | ||
| Colin is so funny. | ||
| He's so quick. | ||
| Colin's amazing. | ||
| There's a bunch of guys, and I think I put you in there too, that just never really promoted themselves on social media. | ||
| So it's like, you're really good, but even Attell. | ||
| Attell, for the level of comedy that he is, he should be selling out stadiums every night. | ||
| But he just doesn't promote himself at all. | ||
| All he does is just, like, all of his following is just word of mouth. | ||
| Yeah. And other comics saying how great he is. | ||
| And, like, people who have seen him before, they've come to see him again. | ||
| Well, he says, one of my videos now is up to almost 5 million views. | ||
| Is that good? | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| I believe you're funny. | ||
| If you want to play it, I will. | ||
| No, we don't have to do that. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| So, you're going to be at the Mothership. | ||
| What are the dates again? | ||
| June what? | ||
| June, I think, 27th, 28th, and 28th. | ||
| I do it every week on my birthday. | ||
| Take pictures of you with your shirt off. | ||
| So prepare for that. | ||
| Get ready. | ||
| Get yourself in shape. | ||
| Tomorrow I'm going to bring you to Waste Well. | ||
| Get you on the peptides and get your blood work and find out what the fuck's going on with your shoulder and shoot you up with stem cells. | ||
| I do have a special on Amazon called Rich Voss Anonymous. | ||
| It's pretty funny. | ||
| Why is it called anonymous? | ||
| Because I taped it at an NA convention. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| And the backdrop. | ||
| Bonnie directed the beginning. | ||
| The backdrop is fucking so cool. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| It's false anonymous. | ||
| You look good there. | ||
| Where's the trailer? | ||
| Dangerous man. | ||
| You look dangerous. | ||
| Can you play the trailer? | ||
| No, we're not going to play the trailer. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| We're going to leave. | ||
| I'm going to wrap this up. | ||
| We don't need to play a trailer. | ||
| You're funny. | ||
| I was doing it for you. | ||
| No. I don't care about me. | ||
| For you, I'm going to not do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's better. | |
| What are you doing? | ||
| I'm not listening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen. | |
| I've done this podcast three times and this is the most fun I had. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| We had a good time. | ||
| I had a good time. | ||
| Come to the club tomorrow too. | ||
| We'll hang out. | ||
| You got any sets tomorrow? | ||
| No. Alright, come to the club. | ||
| Do bottom of the barrel, too. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| There's a whiskey barrel on stage with notes in it from the audience. | ||
| You pull them out and you just riff. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, you'll love it. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| It's like a premise factory. | ||
| So what am I going to do about this thing tomorrow? | ||
| As soon as we wrap. | ||
| I'll set it up as soon as we get done here. | ||
| This was fun. | ||
| Thank you for having me. | ||
| Rich Voss, ladies and gentlemen. |
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