April 9, 2025 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:15:35
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day. | |
| We up? | ||
| Hey, you fellow. | ||
|
unidentified
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We're up. | |
| What's going on, runway? | ||
| I'm feeling good, finally, after my little bout with fucking COVID. | ||
| They gotcha. | ||
| They gotcha with the new COVID. | ||
| They got me with the new COVID, man. | ||
| I thought the new COVID was total bullshit. | ||
| I thought it was like a baby cold. | ||
| I had... | ||
| You know, my girlfriend raised two kids, and she said she's never seen anybody puke as much as I did for two days. | ||
| Wow. And it was brutal. | ||
| It was just bile, and I don't even know if I've ever been that sick. | ||
| I asked that part of it a couple of days. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I wonder if you've got multiple things at the same time. | ||
| Do people usually puke a lot if they get COVID? | ||
| Jamie, do you know? | ||
| I don't remember that being a symptom. | ||
| I don't remember having that either. | ||
| You might have had a couple things at the same time. | ||
| Because there was a bad flu going around too. | ||
| Well, I went to Vegas. | ||
| And early, and I just thought I had a cold when I went. | ||
| And my doctor here gave me a shot of steroids, and I felt way fucking better. | ||
| I mean, I felt better everywhere. | ||
| I was more flexible. | ||
| I was like, fuck, I want to do steroids every goddamn day. | ||
| What kind of steroid was it? | ||
| I don't know, but whatever it was, man, I could touch the floor without bending my knees, without stretching at all. | ||
| Like a cortisone shot? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She said steroids. | ||
| She gave it to me. | ||
| I don't ask a lot of questions. | ||
| So you just felt loose? | ||
| I felt loose and good. | ||
| I played really good golf, and then I got there, and it started catching up with me. | ||
| I had my girlfriend. | ||
| I'm staying in the mansion down at MGM Grand, which is pretty sweet. | ||
| And I had that show just on Saturday. | ||
| We got there on Wednesday. | ||
| And I'm like, fuck it, I'm not going to make it. | ||
| I felt it all started to deteriorate. | ||
| So I called this doctor. | ||
| It was so bad, you didn't think you were going to make it on Saturday. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I thought I would need another shot of steroids. | ||
| So I called the doctor. | ||
| I had the hotel call a doctor. | ||
| And I thought I was getting the doctor that was, you know, whatever it takes to get through the show. | ||
| Right. But that's not the doctor I got. | ||
| The doctor I got was, let's test you for COVID. | ||
| I'm like, no, no, I don't have COVID. | ||
| He said, I won't charge you if it's negative, which didn't make any sense to me. | ||
| And I said, well, okay. | ||
| And then it came up positive for COVID. | ||
| And he said, see there, the T and the X and the thing. | ||
| And I said, yeah, I see it. | ||
| Let's do it again. | ||
| Because I don't think I have COVID. | ||
| So we did it again, came up positive again. | ||
| Not only would he not give me the COVID shot, he told me to quit taking the antibiotics I was already on. | ||
| And he did nothing except for called the CDC to tell them I had COVID, and they both said,"You cannot do the show." I'm like, wait a minute, you're the wrong doctor. | ||
| I don't want to fucking retire today shit. | ||
| I want to, here's your drummer's a junkie, he's out of heroin, get him some fucking something to get him through this goddamn show. | ||
| So they were telling you you can't do this show because you had a specific kind of a cold, a COVID cold. | ||
| So if you had the flu, would he have stopped you from doing the show? | ||
| I'd say absolutely not. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's so weird. | |
| I don't think it would even come up. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Right now, like, the deaths from COVID now are so low. | ||
| Like, the idea that this is still a pandemic and they still have to treat it differently than they do a cold? | ||
| They do. | ||
| Why? Well, you know, I was faced with... | ||
| Do I cancel a show? | ||
| Well, that's not the same as St. Louis. | ||
| When they just moved the date, the people from St. Louis come back out. | ||
| This is Las Vegas. | ||
| A lot of those people come specifically to see me because I don't do all those shows that I used to do. | ||
| So it's kind of, if you want to come see it, that's a good place. | ||
| And so it's a problem. | ||
| You know, it's a refund. | ||
| You've got to refund them all because those people aren't going to be there. | ||
| Most importantly, your fans are bummed out. | ||
| Yeah, I've disappointed them. | ||
| Everybody's here. | ||
| Fuck, let's do the show. | ||
| So I was just sitting there. | ||
| I didn't know what to do. | ||
| So I'm like, well, I'm just going to call MGM Grand and tell them what the fuck's going on and let it be their call. | ||
| And they were like, so how do you feel? | ||
| I'm like, I feel like I can make it through the show. | ||
| And they're like, well, I say let's just go ahead and do it. | ||
| You know, it's a big room. | ||
| You're not within six feet of anybody. | ||
| It's 2025. | ||
| It's 2025. | ||
| You did tell me you had COVID, and I gave you a big hug on Monday. | ||
| I saw you on Monday. | ||
| Yeah. When we did kill Tony. | ||
| Right, and I was fine. | ||
| You were a super spreader on Kill Tony. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big time. | |
| I'm an asshole. | ||
| The biggest asshole ever. | ||
| It would be so horrible. | ||
| Nobody got sick! | ||
| I know, nobody did. | ||
| Nobody got sick. | ||
| And it wasn't until the next day that I got sick. | ||
| That's when the vomiting started. | ||
| It wasn't in Vegas. | ||
| It was day two. | ||
| It was Tuesday after Kill Tony. | ||
| That's when I got sick. | ||
| And it was fucking awful. | ||
| I mean, for two days, just awful. | ||
| Did you get another steroid shot? | ||
| No, nobody would give me one. | ||
| So, I don't know, man. | ||
| I just got the wrong goddamn... | ||
| You gotta go to Gold's Gym. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Find the biggest guy in the room and say, who's your doctor? | ||
| Dude, you got something, don't you? | ||
| You know you got something, bro. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Aren't you a Ron White fan? | ||
| Give me some fucking steroids. | ||
| Just to get me around the corner. | ||
| Yeah. So, I'm back. | ||
| I feel fine today. | ||
| Well, that's good. | ||
| Good to see you back. | ||
| Which is really good news. | ||
| You coming to the club tonight? | ||
| You know, they asked me to... | ||
| I don't know who's got the set tonight. | ||
| I don't know who's got the show. | ||
| We do. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Okay, let's go. | ||
| I'll go. | ||
| Let's go, Ron White. | ||
| Plus, Bottom of the Barrels tonight, too. | ||
| The Kill Tony was on Netflix last night. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| I'm so happy. | ||
| I'm so happy for Tony and Red Band and for everybody on the show. | ||
| I'm just so happy that that show is now on Netflix. | ||
| It's sweet. | ||
| I always believed in it, and you know that. | ||
| I always saw something in Tony. | ||
| I was never sure what exactly it was, but I saw something. | ||
| This kid works hard. | ||
| He's got a dream that he's fucking making it work, and he's making it work with hard work. | ||
| He works hard. | ||
| He works really hard at that show, man. | ||
| Really does. | ||
| I mean, I call him in the middle of the day sometimes, and he's just laying out how he's going to do the show. | ||
| He's planning it. | ||
| Wandering around his apartment writing notes down, just planning it out in his head. | ||
| He's legit. | ||
| He is. | ||
| This is the thing about success. | ||
| It's a product of hard work. | ||
| And in that example, I fucking know it's a product of hard work. | ||
| Those guys did that show every goddamn Monday for 10 plus years. | ||
| Starting with six people in the crowd. | ||
| I was one of them. | ||
| I was there when they were doing the Belly Room show. | ||
| But I always encouraged it. | ||
| I encourage people to do shows when no one's watching. | ||
| Because I think that... | ||
| The only way something builds is you've got to get it started. | ||
| You can't think you're going to launch a podcast and it's going to have a million downloads. | ||
| It's not that way. | ||
| And you don't want it that way anyway. | ||
| You want to get good at it. | ||
| You want to learn how to do it. | ||
| You want to iron out the kinks. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And they did it. | ||
| They fucking did it. | ||
| They did it, and now it's one of the best shows in the world. | ||
| It's the funniest fucking show on television, for sure. | ||
| You know, as far as just a fucking entertaining thing to goddamn do, I mean, just to come down, you know, my last girlfriend was so addicted to the show, she would come almost every Monday. | ||
| And it's hard for me to go down there on Kill Tony night, because they got the green rooms hocked out to 19,000 people, and there's no place for me to go. | ||
| Right. And so, you know, but she was addicted to it. | ||
| I mean, just it's something fun to do, you know? | ||
| It's a fun thing to do, man. | ||
| Because you're going to get some great comics. | ||
| And it doesn't matter if the comic eats it on stage, because it's still funny. | ||
| You know, that's not the point. | ||
| The point is that everybody has access, you know, in some way. | ||
| And there's no shortcut to get there because I tried to shortcut it because I thought I could because I was Ron White. | ||
| And my banker said, yeah, I've been doing stand-up and I'd love to get out. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| I'll tell him. | ||
| I'll fix this for you. | ||
| And he was like, yeah, no, you can't. | ||
| It's a bucket pull. | ||
| That's the only way he can do it, is to get his name in there. | ||
| It's a legit bucket bowl. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| And sometimes one of our guys gets in, like Hassan's been on a couple of times now, you know? | ||
| And sometimes not. | ||
| You put your name in the bucket. | ||
| You'll see. | ||
| There's hundreds of names in that bucket. | ||
| It's a great idea. | ||
| It's a great idea. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| And it's inclusive to anybody. | ||
| I mean, it's amazing to me who... | ||
| He had the vision to put anybody, anybody, no matter what kind of physical shape, you can't even say a word, and handicapped on top of that. | ||
| All I have to do is just give it a go. | ||
| Give it a go. | ||
| Give it a go. | ||
| Try to be funny. | ||
| Do your best. | ||
| Just do your best. | ||
| There's a lot of people doing their best. | ||
| I'm thrilled. | ||
| I'm thrilled for the success of it. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Yeah, it really is. | ||
| It's fun, too. | ||
| It's like it makes everything more fun. | ||
| When there's a fun thing like that out there in the world, more of us have fun. | ||
| We have more fun at the clubs. | ||
| We have more fun talking about comedy. | ||
| Yeah, and it made me really proud, too, just to walk out on stage and it's you and Shane and Segura and Tony, and these are my friends. | ||
| You know, these are my buddies. | ||
| This is my tribe right here, and we're doing something really special, and it's a fucking hoot. | ||
| It is a fucking hoot. | ||
| It's a fucking hoot. | ||
| Yeah, and that club's the best place for it. | ||
| I had a nightmare the other night. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, and it was about the club. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And I was the headliner that night. | ||
| And I got down there, and there were like nine 11-year-old girls, and that's all the tickets we could sell. | ||
| And I was like, did you tell them I was coming? | ||
| Yeah, we put it in the thing, and nobody showed up, Ron, except for these chicks. | ||
| If I was your psychiatrist, I'd sit down and go, Ron, what do you think this means to you? | ||
| What inside of your subconscious makes you think that only... | ||
| 11-year-old girls would come to see you do comedies. | ||
| That's because for 38 years I've been waiting for the end. | ||
| And it finally happened that night in the middle of that dream. | ||
| See, I knew it would happen. | ||
| You think like that and it drives me crazy. | ||
| I don't understand how you can think like that. | ||
| I just always have because it never works as good as it works for me. | ||
| I mean, it's worked okay for you, but these kind of careers don't last forever. | ||
| Unless they do. | ||
| And there's not very many of them that do last fucking four decades. | ||
| It's a different world now, Ron. | ||
| I think they do last now. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| I think the thing that was going on before was everybody thought you did comedy to get to something. | ||
| He did comedy to get to the movies. | ||
| He did comedy to get to TV. | ||
| And if you didn't, then you were a failure. | ||
| And you thought of yourself as a failure, and other people thought of you as a failure, too. | ||
| And that would diminish your confidence. | ||
| That would diminish your draw. | ||
| And only a few people survived that and escaped. | ||
| And a lot of great comics, like Richard Jenny, for instance, he got caught up in that and felt like he was a failure and a loser and wound up fucking killing himself. | ||
| Meanwhile, he was one of the greatest comics that's ever lived. | ||
| That ever lived. | ||
| He just missed the boat. | ||
| He missed the internet boat. | ||
| Yeah, but I missed it too. | ||
| You didn't though. | ||
| But you didn't. | ||
| You didn't miss it. | ||
| You didn't. | ||
| You caught us. | ||
| You caught the whole wave, brother. | ||
| You came to the company store at the right time. | ||
| I did catch a great wave. | ||
| It's great for all of us. | ||
| We all know each other. | ||
| It's great for all of us. | ||
| There's no more, you know, waves, like, in terms of, like, your career's gonna die off. | ||
| Your career's depending entirely on your work, and your work's never been better. | ||
| No, I don't think it has. | ||
| It's never been better. | ||
| You're on fire right now. | ||
| You were killing it the other night. | ||
| We were in the green room, and we were watching for the balcony, fucking howling. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| There's no reason it shouldn't be great. | ||
| Like, you've been doing it forever. | ||
| You love doing it. | ||
| You're passionate about it. | ||
| You work hard. | ||
| You're always writing. | ||
| Of course it's great. | ||
| And it's fun, you know? | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| I don't think there's any environment that's more conducive to getting chops. | ||
| I mean, that really is a gem to me and everybody there. | ||
| Just getting better. | ||
| It's that fucking stage time. | ||
| There's no fucking substitute for stage time. | ||
| No substitute. | ||
| Stage time and a good tribe. | ||
| Yeah. You've got to have that. | ||
| Because everybody's killing it. | ||
| Like when I see Hasan up there killing it, I'm like, ooh, let's go. | ||
| I get excited. | ||
| Everybody's killing it. | ||
| It's come a long way. | ||
| A long way. | ||
| And you see these guys like Ari Maddy, these young guys coming up. | ||
| You see all these people. | ||
| Cam Patterson on Kill Tony Monday night was on fire. | ||
| On fire, you see the growth. | ||
| You see these guys emerging, and you're like, this is incredible. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| We have the luckiest job and the luckiest place in the world. | ||
| I think so, man. | ||
| And if I was a young comic now, I would go to Austin, Texas. | ||
| 100%. Because there's just all that stage time. | ||
| And you don't actually automatically get to go to the mothership, but that can be your goal. | ||
| You can get in there, man. | ||
| You can get in there if you're good. | ||
| You can get in there if you're good. | ||
| There's a lot of guys get in there. | ||
| All you have to do, a lot of women get in there, a lot of non-binary people. | ||
| All you have to do is just be good. | ||
| There's showcases all the time. | ||
| Adam's picking people all the time. | ||
| People see you. | ||
| If you're funny, your shit's on the internet. | ||
| It's like the path has never been clear now for a young comic. | ||
| I mean, when I was young, starting out, I was like, how do you do this? | ||
| How do you get on stage? | ||
| How do you get a manager? | ||
| How do you get paid? | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| Right. You know, now it's like it's kind of laid out. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And there are people also hanging around, like me, that have been through all this stuff before, you know. | ||
| The growth spot to know how to get better, you know, because I was like you. | ||
| There was no direction. | ||
| There was nobody giving advice. | ||
| There was, you know, you just looked at it and went, okay, I'll try this. | ||
| Yeah, let's see. | ||
| Well, you made it late in life, too. | ||
| You know, that's probably why you have this thing in your head. | ||
| Because, like, when did... | ||
| Blue Collar was, like, how old were you when that tour kicked off? | ||
| 45, I think. | ||
| Yeah, see, that's why. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| You know who else had that same sort of feel? | ||
| Phil Hartman. | ||
| Phil Hartman didn't get on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| I think he was 36. That was his first break. | ||
| 36? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Now, did he do stand-up also? | ||
| He was going to. | ||
| He would do some stand-up to warm up the crowd sometimes, and he would fuck around. | ||
| And he and I talked about it, and I said... | ||
| Anytime you want to do it, I go, I'll take you to the store. | ||
| I go, you can get on stage. | ||
| I go, you don't need a lot of time. | ||
| You just, like, put together five minutes. | ||
| I'll help you. | ||
| I know you can do it. | ||
| And he had some really funny impressions. | ||
| He had a really funny Bill Clinton impression. | ||
| Right. He was a funny fucking dude and a hard worker. | ||
| You want to talk about a hard worker? | ||
| That dude used to make me... | ||
| Everybody felt like they weren't a professional when they were around that guy. | ||
| Because he would have, like, tabs and shit, a notebook, where all his scenes were. | ||
| Everything was organized. | ||
| Yeah. I already feel unperfectional. | ||
| While he was doing that, he was also trying to take his pilot's license. | ||
| In between scenes, he'd be reading airplane books. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What a fucking tragedy, man. | ||
| What a fucking tragedy. | ||
| Oh, bro, you don't know the half of it. | ||
| I tried to get him to divorce her a long time ago. | ||
| I told him, like, right when he was struggling, I said, man, just give her half. | ||
| Just get out. | ||
| You'll make more money. | ||
| And he was like, well, it's not half. | ||
| It's a scam. | ||
| The lawyers get a third. | ||
| It's a third. | ||
| You get a third of your fucking money. | ||
| Okay, okay, okay. | ||
| Just give her the money. | ||
| Just give her the money. | ||
| Money is fun coupons. | ||
| Right. If you're having money and you're not having fun, then what do you got? | ||
| You got to cut something off. | ||
| You know, you got to figure out where's the cancer. | ||
| Hack it off. | ||
| Hack off that melanoma and let's get this party rolling. | ||
| Like, you shouldn't be involved with someone that you hate. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You come home to someone who hates you. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And I've been in bad relationships before that I cut off. | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course. | |
| And then all of a sudden you can breathe again. | ||
| You're a different person when you're in a bad relationship. | ||
| Like, you're bad, too. | ||
| Like, you're not your best. | ||
| Just like a bad friendship. | ||
| Like, you're not the best friend if your friend is a cocksucker. | ||
| You know, you're good friends with good friends. | ||
| Like, we all inspire each other. | ||
| And if you got a one-way street or if you are one of those unfortunate people that hooked up with a hot lunatic... | ||
| Because that's the problem. | ||
| You've got a hot lunatic. | ||
| Right. And they're sexy and they're fun for short bursts of a few hours at a time. | ||
| And then you're like, oh my God, this person is in my life. | ||
| And if you move in with them, oh Christ. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And if you have kids with them, oh Christ. | ||
| And if you're married to them, oh Christ, you married a hot lunatic. | ||
| The hole gets deeper and deeper and deeper. | ||
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| You know, you're Johnny Depp and you're on TV. | ||
| Yeah. And you're in the court. | ||
| With the whole thing falling to fucking pieces. | ||
| The whole thing falling to pieces in front of the whole world. | ||
| Because you married a hot lunatic. | ||
| And that's the thing about symmetry and beauty and women who are sexy. | ||
| They just can trick you. | ||
| And men are so easily tricked. | ||
| They're so vulnerable. | ||
| Oh, I'm the worst. | ||
| It's so easy to lead me down a road. | ||
| I'll just sniff my way. | ||
| Oh, this is bliss. | ||
| I'm in love. | ||
| We're gonna elope. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck it. | |
| I don't care about my money. | ||
| Yeah, she used to insult him at parties and shit, Phil Hartman's wife. | ||
| It was really rough. | ||
| I remember we all went to this party once, like some industry-type party, and she was insulting him, and I was like, oh, I just had to bite my tongue, which I'm not very good at, you know. | ||
| No. And I was like... | ||
| And then, you know, he and I were in his green, his little dressing room, and I was telling him, man, like, there's another way. | ||
| You don't have to do it. | ||
| You're a great guy. | ||
| Like, you're a great guy. | ||
| You're a lot of fun. | ||
| You'd be a better person if you were with someone better. | ||
| Like, you'd feel better about yourself. | ||
| Like, you can't be feeling good about yourself. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| You gotta... | ||
| You know, but he had kids, too, which complicates the fuck out of everything. | ||
| He had kids with her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. Oh, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. What a horrible fucking story. | |
| Did I ever tell you the story about, like, the worst I ever bombed on stage right after that? | ||
| Like, easily the worst I've ever bombed on stage. | ||
| Did I ever tell you the story? | ||
| I've never seen you bomb on stage. | ||
| I was at the gas station, and I was getting gas. | ||
| It was two weeks after he was murdered, and it was the first time I was going to go on stage again, because everyone was wrecked. | ||
| I didn't even know, like, how long it would take before I felt like I could do comedy again. | ||
| So I'm at the gas station getting gas and just randomly run into a buddy of mine who's a cop and I go,"Hey, what's up? | ||
| What's going on, man?" He's like,"How are you doing? | ||
| You doing okay?" I'm like,"Man, we're all fucked up." And he goes,"Did I tell you that I was there?" I go,"No, you were there?" He goes,"Dude.""What?" He goes,"I was there when the kids ran from the mom." I go, | ||
| what do you mean? | ||
| He's like, after she killed herself, she barricaded herself in the bathroom, excuse me, after she killed Phil Hartman, she barricaded herself in the bathroom and she had the kids in there with her, with a gun. | ||
| And a lot of times when moms kill themselves, they'll kill their kids too. | ||
| And the cops saw that and so they kicked open the door. | ||
| And when they kicked open the door, the kids ran from the mom. | ||
| The kids ran out of the bathroom, and then the mom blew her brains out. | ||
| Fuck, I forgot about that part of it. | ||
| I mean, I forgot that she killed herself. | ||
| I'm seeing my friend at the gas station right before I go on stage. | ||
| I'm going on stage in about 45 minutes. | ||
| Jesus. Yeah. | ||
| Half hour drive to the comedy store. | ||
| 15 minutes before I'm going to go on stage. | ||
| And this is my face. | ||
| I'm just like, there's nothing funny in the world. | ||
| There's nothing funny in the world. | ||
| And then after I recovered, you know, I took like another week off. | ||
| And then I came back and I was like, he just wanted me to keep going. | ||
| I had a dream about him once. | ||
| I was like the most realistic dream I've ever had about anybody in my life. | ||
| Ever in my life. | ||
| He was sitting on a lawn chair. | ||
| And I ran into him. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| How are you doing? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| And he's like, oh, I'm fine. | ||
| And he goes, we made up. | ||
| He goes, it was a lot. | ||
| He goes, obviously, we had a lot to work out, and he laughed about it. | ||
| And I said, well, that's great, man. | ||
| And then he pushed the chair back, and he was gone. | ||
| And then I woke up. | ||
| He was gone. | ||
| It was the... | ||
| I've had two very realistic dreams in my life that seemed so realistic they didn't even make sense. | ||
| That was one of them. | ||
| Where it was like, I felt like he was there. | ||
| I didn't feel like he wanted me to let it go. | ||
| It was so weird. | ||
| I felt like, you know, he wanted... | ||
| It's like, that's how he was whenever they would fight. | ||
| Because, like, I'm not... | ||
| I don't like fights, which sounds crazy because I commentate on fights, but I don't like conflict. | ||
| I wish it didn't exist. | ||
| The reason why I got good at fighting martial arts is because I was scared of conflict. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| I understand it, but I don't think it's necessary. | ||
| And I don't think fighting in a relationship, I think that's the worst. | ||
| The people that get in these relationships, they scream and yell at each other and call each other horrible names. | ||
| But with a lot of people, it becomes this cycle of getting mad at each other and then making up. | ||
| And then making up sex is very addictive to a lot of people. | ||
| It's a different kind of thing. | ||
| And you get on this weird rollercoaster ride of I hate you, I love you, I hate you, I love you. | ||
| And he was on that rollercoaster ride. | ||
| And he was letting me know. | ||
| It just went too far. | ||
| It went crazy. | ||
| I lived in Mexico for a while with a... | ||
| With a woman who eventually took her own life. | ||
| And, I mean, I was already out of the picture for a couple of years when that happened. | ||
| But when I was in Mexico with her, I knew that I was trapped. | ||
| Number one, I was... | ||
| I moved down there to start a fucking pottery company because I was frustrated with stand-up comedy. | ||
| The Funny Bone chain had just cut my pay by a third because they realized that I just worked for them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, boy. | |
| And I couldn't patch this schedule together without them. | ||
| Oh, what a bunch of assholes. | ||
| And I told the guy that ran the Funny Bone, Gerald Kuback, to go eat a steaming bowl of fuck. | ||
| I don't even know what that would look like. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It cost me a lot of work to say it, but it was still fun to say. | ||
| Wow. But I moved with her down to Mexico, and I knew that she was crazy. | ||
| And the way it came up was that she had called a friend of mine. | ||
| And told her that sometimes she stands over my bed with a knife and just stares at me. | ||
| And my son was there also part of the time. | ||
| And I'm like, well, that's over. | ||
| I've got to get out of this. | ||
| But the big thing was I was depressed because of my situation because I didn't see a way out of it. | ||
| You know, I didn't see a way out. | ||
| I just couldn't see. | ||
| I just couldn't see a path. | ||
| And it got to where... | ||
| When I was around people, I couldn't talk, and I had no tribe at all. | ||
| I was cut off from all my friends, and it's just something I did to myself with that move down to Mexico, which I was there for three years. | ||
| Wow. And it was just the worst time of my life, and I really didn't think I'd ever come out of it. | ||
| I mean, I never thought I could even get back to a place where I could sit down and have a conversation with somebody. | ||
| That's how depressed I was. | ||
| Wow. It was funny because I moved into Mexico. | ||
| I had the biggest truck that Ryder makes pulling the biggest trailer they make. | ||
| My van pulling the biggest trailer they make. | ||
| All headed down south. | ||
| All your shit. | ||
| Everything moved to Mexico. | ||
| Why Mexico? | ||
| Because my girlfriend at the time did this mosaic tile application to existing pottery. | ||
| And she would sell it at... | ||
| Art shows or craft shows, you know, whatever. | ||
| And it would sell really fast, but it took her six months to make any of it. | ||
| So I thought, why wouldn't you just go down to Mexico and train a bunch of women how to make it? | ||
| And let her orchestrate it. | ||
| And I fucking did it. | ||
| I was part of that sucking sound that Ross Perot was talking about going to Mexico. | ||
| Three years later, I had the exact same equipment headed north out of Mexico with the same exact truck, trailer, everything. | ||
| That was a bad idea. | ||
| Three years? | ||
| Wow. She must have been hot. | ||
| Oh, she was so hot. | ||
| Oh, she was so hot. | ||
| And I'd never been with a hot woman before. | ||
| I mean, it was my girl, you know? | ||
| And she was just so beautiful. | ||
| I'm like, I'll be with her even though I hate her, just so I can look at her. | ||
| I'll just stare at her, and that'll be enough. | ||
| That's all I'll need. | ||
| Turns out I needed a little more than that. | ||
| You can only tolerate so much. | ||
| And then I ended up marrying this other girl that was horrible. | ||
| I mean, I know she's probably listening to this right now, so I don't mean horrible, but horrible. | ||
| But she always searched the internet for things about me so she could say, hey, this person said thanks for signing my girlfriend's tickets. | ||
| What, are you out there signing girlfriend's tickets? | ||
| Yeah, I'll sign anybody's ticket. | ||
| You know, just always looking. | ||
| Every time she'd turn on her computer, it'd make me sick to my stomach because I didn't know what she was going to come up with. | ||
| You know, I'm no angel anyway. | ||
| But so that girl's sister, when she killed herself, sent me... | ||
| A post that my ex-wife found. | ||
| She printed it saying that she'd killed herself. | ||
| She brought it in and handed it to me. | ||
| And all I did was sit down on the couch and she goes, oh, now you loved her. | ||
| I'm like, just give me a minute, okay? | ||
| This is her sister doing this? | ||
| No, this is my wife. | ||
| She got the note from her, she got the letter from her sister and handed it to me. | ||
| And she saw it affected me. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Oh, now you loved her. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What are you supposed to do? | ||
| Yeah. A lady that you used to live with killed herself. | ||
| Yeah. What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, just give me a minute. | ||
| Give me a minute. | ||
| Yeah, give me a minute. | ||
| Jesus, it's a human being that you know that killed themselves. | ||
| How many people do you think you know that have killed themselves? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Not very many that I really knew. | ||
| My best friend, one of my best friends from childhood killed himself. | ||
| But we thought he died at the massacre in Waco because he was a big Koresh guy. | ||
| Oh boy, you missed the massacre? | ||
| Yeah, he missed the massacre. | ||
| But we thought maybe he was there when it was all going down. | ||
| But he wasn't. | ||
| And eventually, it was an odd thing anyway. | ||
| He was a dear friend from childhood. | ||
| Dad was the music director at my church, and he and I used to buff the floors of the church with those big bluffs. | ||
| That was our job on one day a week, that we'd go down there. | ||
| And we'd actually sing Neil Young songs to the top of our lungs. | ||
| We'd just sing the fuck out of Neil Young songs. | ||
| That's the only tape I had. | ||
| I know you and him had a little problem. | ||
| I don't have no problem with him. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You were so sweet about that. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| I love his music. | ||
| He didn't get it. | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| That was a dumb thing. | ||
| Well, he just missed... | ||
| He didn't understand what was happening. | ||
| And nobody did. | ||
| I don't blame him. | ||
| Nobody did. | ||
| I talked to him in a heartbeat. | ||
| Even though he pulled his music and tried to get me removed from Spotify. | ||
| Right. That was a... | ||
| I still don't care. | ||
| I loved that guy. | ||
| And I loved his music. | ||
| Even after he did it, I still listened to his music. | ||
| He just got... | ||
| He missed... | ||
| He didn't know what was happening. | ||
| He got tricked. | ||
| A lot of people got tricked. | ||
| You know? | ||
| A lot of people thought that this was the only way out. | ||
| We had to listen to these evil, lying fucks that were telling us that everybody had to take this vaccine, there was no other medicine available, and if you didn't, everybody was going to die. | ||
| And, you know, he got caught up in it. | ||
| They got us all, though. | ||
| They got the whole country. | ||
| You can't be mad at the whole country. | ||
| Right. That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. I don't want to be mad at anybody anymore, Ron White. | |
| I don't either. | ||
| As I get older, I'm less and less inclined. | ||
| There's people I don't wish to talk to. | ||
| I don't need that in my life. | ||
| I don't need whatever you bring in my life, but I don't wish you bad. | ||
| Yeah, I have really, really healthy boundaries when it comes to people that don't make me feel good. | ||
| I just won't hang around. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to be around them and confront them like... | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Good luck to you. | ||
| I'll give you a hug. | ||
| I got some other shit going on. | ||
| Yeah, I have friends. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| I'll tell you what makes you a good friend. | ||
| When you get successful, and I'll just talk about successful like I am, it's hard to find anybody that'll disagree with you, you know, because there's something to gain. | ||
| And that's true with you, too. | ||
| I mean, you hold a lot of power. | ||
| And you have something a lot of people fucking want. | ||
| And I know that because I have a box of... | ||
| And I should have brought them and given them to you anyway. | ||
| I'll bring them to the club tonight. | ||
| But it's just a guy I met that owns a sunglass company. | ||
| And he makes sunglasses for hunting. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Who wears sunglasses when they hunt? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody? You can't wear them when... | |
| Well, I guess maybe some people probably do. | ||
| I bet rifle hunters do. | ||
| Yeah, they... | ||
| He said that one of them was specifically for bow hunting. | ||
| That makes you see the target better or something. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| Okay. So he's got an invention. | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I don't hunt, so I don't really know anything about hunting in glasses. | ||
| He just said he was going to send a box. | ||
| Would you give them to Joe? | ||
| And I said, yeah, I'll give them to him. | ||
| And I didn't. | ||
| I would think that glasses would get in the way because, you know, when you shoot with a bow, there's a thing called a peep sight. | ||
| So you have your string, and in your string is one of the things that's sewn into your string is this little plastic circle. | ||
| Sure. Do you know what it is? | ||
| Yeah. Okay, so you know it lines up with the scope of the housing of the bow? | ||
| No. I don't know that. | ||
| So with a peep sight is when you draw back and you don't look through the string. | ||
| You look through the circle that's on the string. | ||
| It's sewed into the string. | ||
| And that circle, you line it up exactly with your sight housing. | ||
| And so where your pin is, it's all about like staying calm and keeping that pin there. | ||
| And you want to keep it all like connected together. | ||
| So my eye is like right there, like right next to this peep sight. | ||
| If I had glasses, it might get in the way. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because the string is touching my nose, and the thing is right there. | ||
| And I'm just drawing back, and I'm looking at it like that, right through it. | ||
| I'll give them to you, see what you think. | ||
| I don't know anybody, but I know some hunters that have glasses, so there must be a way to adjust. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's what you told me, though. | ||
| Okay. I'll try it out. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I'm open to anything. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| And anything that makes you good at that, that's a fucking difficult thing to do. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, I meet a guy and he's like, I'm a bow hunter. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| Oh, anyway, what I'm saying is this. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| What I'm saying is this. | ||
| That you're one of the only friends that I have that'll say, no, that's fucked up, Ron. | ||
| You don't agree with me to make me feel better because you have something, I have something you need. | ||
| Right. You know, you'll go ahead and go, nah. | ||
| Every now and then. | ||
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| Well, that green room's great for that. | ||
| Because everybody knows that everybody loves everybody, so everybody can just talk openly about anything. | ||
| And if you have some dumb argument with someone, someone will come in and go, eh, I think he's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you've got to go, oh. | |
| Really? Okay. | ||
| Let me think about it. | ||
| You need that in your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You do. | |
| You don't want to be a tyrant. | ||
| No. And that's what happens to a lot of successful people is they get real insecure and so they become kind of a tyrant and they don't want to listen to anybody else. | ||
| You see that with people that are on shows and they run the show. | ||
| The show's all about them. | ||
| They're the show. | ||
| And they're the producer and executive producer and the cast all kisses their ass and they're at the top of the fucking... | ||
| Casting call or whatever it is. | ||
| The call sheet. | ||
| Yeah, it's a bad place to be. | ||
| You don't want to be there. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just, you gotta resist the urge. | |
| So I went back to my ayahuasca place down in Costa Rica. | ||
| So I went four years ago, right? | ||
| And that's when I quit drinking. | ||
| Right. Which you know I did, right? | ||
| You know I quit drinking. | ||
| I quit too. | ||
| When? A month ago. | ||
| I knew that you weren't drinking. | ||
| Yeah, I just stopped drinking. | ||
| I didn't know that it was a... | ||
| Yeah, I think I'm done. | ||
| Yeah. For no reason, other than it's not good for you. | ||
| Yeah. No, I didn't have to. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| Right. No, you were having a good time. | ||
| I was watching. | ||
| But the days after drinking were just too rough. | ||
| And I'm like, what kind of a moron who takes so good care of his body has poisoned himself a couple of days a week for fun? | ||
| You know, why am I doing that? | ||
| And then I'm like, well, will I have the same amount of fun if I don't poison myself? | ||
| Turns out, yes. | ||
| Exactly. Right. | ||
| Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat. | ||
| I mean, you haven't quit everything, right? | ||
| Exactly. Yeah, and I'm just skinning the cat a different way. | ||
| Tell me about your cat. | ||
| Well, I'm going to play some Icaros. | ||
| Did they play those while you went through the... | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Jamie's got them already. | ||
| So what's that? | ||
| This is the songs that a lot of the shaman like to play while you're tripping balls. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And if they play this song while you're under the influence... | ||
| The hallucination will dance to the songs. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| There's certain songs you're like, I don't get it. | ||
| Like the Grateful Dead. | ||
| I've never been on acid at a dead concert. | ||
| But they say, if you are, you get it. | ||
| So, like, I'm missing that part. | ||
| Right. You know? | ||
| So, to me, it's like it's just this jam music, which is fine, but I'd rather listen to Skynyrd. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I saw Skynyrd Sunday night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The original Skinner, the real Skinner, before the plane crash. | |
| No, I'm just saying, these guys are putting a show together. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Ricky Medlock is playing Alan Collins' play. | ||
| They have two other guitar players, but it is a band. | ||
| I mean, they are nailing this shit. | ||
| I had tears coming out of my eyes during fucking Freebird for a lot of reasons. | ||
| Number one, I saw him in 73. Me and Steve Cook, who was my best friend until the day he died. | ||
| And Ronnie Van Zandt was lighting joints, and he was handing them out into the crowd. | ||
| Well, me and Steve had worked our way up to the front. | ||
| He handed one of them to me, and everybody else was taking a hit. | ||
| I just stuck it in my pocket and went in the bathroom and smoked it because it was illegal then. | ||
| And I was listening to the script. | ||
| Sunday night, I'm at the Skinner show. | ||
| There's cops where I was, and there was some outhouses right next to it where you go through this fence. | ||
| And I told my girlfriend, I'll be right back. | ||
| I was over there, and I was in the outhouse smoking a joint, listening to the Skinner, and I'm like, well, I haven't changed much in 50 fucking years. | ||
| You know, the exact same thing. | ||
| Some songs, people just nail it, and it stays great forever. | ||
| You never get tired of Free Bird. | ||
| That guitar solo? | ||
| Yeah. And they just fucking hammered it home. | ||
| I mean, it was so good. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| That it was just, I couldn't believe it, you know? | ||
| I brought them on stage at the Greek one time, maybe 20 years ago or 15 years ago, I don't know. | ||
| And it was fun, because I got to say, you know, when I was 16 years old, we were at the Skinner Show, and we had taken enough mushrooms to kill an average teenager, but we weren't average teenagers. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, letters scattered! | ||
| It was great fun. | ||
| That was cool. | ||
| And so it kind of brought back all those memories, you know, and then watching them play it again. | ||
| It's weird because especially when I come back from Arrhythmia, which is my plays out there, that I always come back emotional and kind of full of love and forgiveness and those kinds of things. | ||
| That's kind of what I learned from those hallucinogens. | ||
| Yeah. Isn't it crazy that that's illegal? | ||
| Yeah, to feel good. | ||
| You've got to go to another country to be a better person. | ||
| You've got to leave the land of the free. | ||
| Right. Leave the land of freedom to go to another country that's much more lawless and take in the divine. | ||
| And come back a better person. | ||
| And it's crazy. | ||
| And I don't think it's for everybody. | ||
| I'm not somebody out there just going, yeah, you've got to do this. | ||
| Because I think you have to be open to some things. | ||
| You have to be open to, hey, maybe I'm wrong about everything. | ||
| Maybe there isn't. | ||
| If you're not open to it, you'll get hit hard. | ||
| And that's why it's not for everybody. | ||
| Because I've seen people wig down there. | ||
| Which is why... | ||
| I know you can get ayahuasca locally and have people that are, I don't know where they got their shaman title from, but you can do it here. | ||
| But I know that there, it's a licensed medical facility with doctors. | ||
| It's the only one in the world that's a licensed medical facility. | ||
| And they're prepared when people wig. | ||
| They know what to do. | ||
| They don't hold you down? | ||
| Yeah, and they do, too. | ||
| They'll fucking bind you up and wait until it's clear because they know that you're at a point in this that you're going through some heavy shit. | ||
| One of them was an NFL player last time I was there. | ||
| This guy was fucking huge. | ||
| Plays for Buffalo. | ||
| And I was like, God, if you had to pick somebody to wig, you would say, please don't let it be that fucking dude. | ||
| Did he wig? | ||
| He wigged. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| He wigged big time. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And started just screaming, get the fuck away from me! | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Which, you know, that kind of, you know, you got 70 people in this room that are tripping. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| What a bummer. | ||
| And it was. | ||
| But they've got big guys, too. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| And so they just got him out of the room, got him calmed down, and he didn't leave. | ||
| You know, he was going through some shit. | ||
| The first time I went there, this girl from Japan started kicking and screaming, and they took her outside, and they had to fucking subdue her. | ||
| But at the end of the day, the person with the biggest smile on their face was her. | ||
| Because she worked through some shit that I can't even talk about, that I happen to know what it was, but it ain't worth knowing. | ||
| But she found pure fucking joy and peace in her life, and you could see it in her face. | ||
| And I was wondering why, when she was wigging out, why is nobody flipping out but me? | ||
| Because the people that worked there weren't flipping out at all, because they've seen it. | ||
| Yeah. And there's nothing they haven't seen. | ||
| There's been 18,000 people through that facility, and so they've seen it all. | ||
| Right. But they just know how to handle it. | ||
| Well, I wonder if you're just in some mansion in Beverly Hills or whatever, if there's somebody there that knows how to handle it. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Especially if you don't know what you're going to get hit with. | ||
| Yeah. And you need to be in a really safe place where people know how to guide you through it. | ||
| Yeah. It's not something I think you want to grab a handful of and go sit in a fucking closet and try to figure it out for yourself. | ||
| That's the real weirdness of any kind of a psychedelic journey is that you're probably going to be going through some shit and someone could either manipulate you during that time or help you during that time. | ||
| Right. And there are people that will manipulate you. | ||
| Absolutely. And that's why You know, that's why I go to this place that's not that easy to go to, just because it's so safe. | ||
| You know, it's set up perfectly for what they're trying to do, and it was this guy's dream to do that, to make it accessible to regular people. | ||
| So back then, when he opened up, you had to go to a corrugated tin shack in Peru or wherever to get this stuff, and he said, I want to make a place that's safe to go. | ||
| People feel comfortable. | ||
| Isn't it kind of crazy that that's illegal? | ||
| I mean, it's kind of the weirdest thing of all time that we haven't just as a society went, okay, why are all these people going to these places? | ||
| Okay, when they come back, do they have positive experiences? | ||
| Does it help them? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of them. | ||
| Okay, why don't we do that here? | ||
| It should be that simple. | ||
| It should be that simple. | ||
| It should be so simple. | ||
| Yeah, there was a guy there that was on a scholarship they had for basically wounded warriors. | ||
| That are going through heavy PTSD. | ||
| There's an organization that's sending guys to arrhythmia. | ||
| And so I got to talk to him a lot while he was there. | ||
| And he was a psychologist. | ||
| And he was fucked up. | ||
| But I kind of got to watch his transformation a little bit. | ||
| Watch this guy coming around. | ||
| And I'd seen that. | ||
| And I'd seen the transformation in myself. | ||
| Where I could just not be so angry. | ||
| And not hold all this hate, you know, that takes so much energy to fucking control and to have them really show me a way to let all that stuff go, you know, and to be a happier person. | ||
| You know, and it's hard to... | ||
| I really don't understand ayahuasca, so it's really hard to explain it to somebody else, you know, but... | ||
| I don't think anybody really understands it. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| And I know there's some stuff that's stronger than that, but I don't know what it's called. | ||
| Ibogaine, you mean? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Ibogaine is the one that people use for addiction. | ||
| There's a place called Beyond that's in Mexico that does that. | ||
| Rick Perry was telling us about that. | ||
| Former Governor Rick Perry is a part of that. | ||
| He really wants to bring Ibogaine to Texas and have treatment centers. | ||
| We can be gambling here. | ||
| I think they can get Ibogaine. | ||
| I think especially with a Republican like Rick Perry who's really concerned about the mental health of veterans because I think that's where it really shines. | ||
| Ibogaine in particular helps a lot of people. | ||
| Absolutely. It gives you like a review of your life, apparently. | ||
| I've never experienced it. | ||
| But the people that have very positive things to say about it, and it's incredibly good at helping people get over addictions. | ||
| It has a very high success rate. | ||
| For one treatment, I think it's in the 80%. | ||
| And then if you do two treatments, it's in the mid-90s. | ||
| That's fucking amazing. | ||
| Yeah. People that never go back to the drugs. | ||
| Never. Never go back to whatever it is. | ||
| Gambling. Whatever you have. | ||
| Whatever's wrong with you. | ||
| All you got to do is figure out what's wrong with you. | ||
| Yeah, you got to figure out why you're doing that. | ||
| Like, what is this pathway that I keep going down that's sabotaging my whole life and why can I not resist it? | ||
| Why do I keep reaching for the bottle? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Why do I keep snorting coke? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Well, that was the question I had with myself. | ||
| It's because I drank like a fool for years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't say. | |
| It was funny because... | ||
| Whenever I was single again, and I was in the green room, and I said, maybe I'll start drinking again. | ||
| And everybody at one time went, no! | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I was just kidding. | ||
| I was just kidding. | ||
| Well, you quit like that, though. | ||
| You were gone. | ||
| I did. | ||
| But I went to Rhythmia with intention. | ||
| I wanted to know why. | ||
| I was doing this to myself and why I could not see a way to quit. | ||
| And it was so tied up in my persona, my stage presence, who I really was at the time. | ||
| And I'm like, why is this all tied to me? | ||
| And why can't I shake it? | ||
| And so with that, I also went through hypnosis because I had to get sober before I went to... | ||
| Because that's not what their deal is. | ||
| They're not a treatment facility. | ||
| It could be a byproduct of it, but they're like, yeah, we don't have detox here, so you have to quit some other way. | ||
| And once you've been sober for a month, you can come down here, which is exactly what I did. | ||
| I came up with a way to do that through hypnosis, which I thought was pretty effective. | ||
| I got sober once before in one of those rehabs in Malibu for 90 grand, which was, at the time, I was spiraling. | ||
| I was living in a five-star hotel in Beverly Hills. | ||
| I was doing a bunch of blow. | ||
| I was screwing expensive hookers, which was exactly my life plan. | ||
| I'm like, okay, here it is. | ||
| And it ended up feeling pretty hollow, and I ended up going there. | ||
| And I stayed sober for about maybe six months or something like that. | ||
| But it was white knuckle the whole fucking time of, you know, no fun. | ||
| But when I did it, the way I did it, when I checked into that facility, I got the night sweats so bad when I quit. | ||
| They had two beds in the new people's things, and I would soak the sheets in one of them and move to the other bed and soak the sheets in that one. | ||
| I was detoxing big time. | ||
| Never happened this time. | ||
| I never had a night sweat, never regretted it, never thought about it again, never tempted to drink again. | ||
| Number one, tequila still. | ||
| And it's there at the green room every night. | ||
| And I'm not even... | ||
| It doesn't even bother me a bit. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| So that's what the big fear a lot of people have is how will I still be around bars? | ||
| Right. And, you know, and yeah, is it a little awkward at first? | ||
| Yes. And do I hang out in bars all the time? | ||
| Other than our club. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| I mean, I'll go listen to music if there's something. | ||
| But just to go to a bar and hang out, I just don't do it. | ||
| Right. And for whatever reason. | ||
| Well, it's not that much fun being around drunks when you're sober. | ||
| No, it's really not. | ||
| You've got to be in the vibe of the drunks to appreciate drunk talk. | ||
| Yeah. When you're sober and someone's drunk and they're telling you some fucking story about their boss being a douchebag, it's like... | ||
| Whoa. Right. | ||
| So, and I also have a tendency, a natural tendency to just kind of isolate anyway, you know? | ||
| And so I really, that's one of the things I love about the club is it gets me out of the house. | ||
| It gets me to go down there where my friends are and do what I do for a living and what I do for a living and what I do for fun, both. | ||
| I think a lot of people have that problem, that isolation problem, you know? | ||
| Yeah. Yeah. | ||
| Because I think that... | ||
| I think that people like you and I, I think a lot gets dumped on us. | ||
| Because of all the friends that I know, that I've known for a long while, I'm the only one that's been very successful. | ||
| Not out of my comic friends, but out of my regular friends. | ||
| And it seems like I get... | ||
| I have to take in a lot of stuff, and I never knew how to get rid of it. | ||
| So I would just get to the point where I was full and I couldn't take anymore, and that's when I would isolate myself. | ||
| Right. Too many people want something from me. | ||
| Too many people want something. | ||
| That's why I gravitate towards you, is because I know you don't want jack shit from me except for me to be your buddy. | ||
| And let us be brothers in comedy and whatever. | ||
| And life. | ||
| And life. | ||
| And so, you know, so that's really good for me. | ||
| Even today, you know, that's what gets me out of the house sometimes, you know. | ||
| Oh, me too. | ||
| I mean, I love being home. | ||
| I love being home with my family, hanging out. | ||
| But my comedy family, I love being around too. | ||
| And that's what I feel like. | ||
| I feel like when, especially when comics are in town that I don't get to see that often. | ||
| Oh, it's cool as shit. | ||
| Oh, we all hang out together. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Who are those two actors that were at the club the other day? | ||
| It was so much fun to have them in there. | ||
| Which night? | ||
| Fuck, I don't know. | ||
| We get a lot of visitors. | ||
| When Woody was there? | ||
| No. Which night? | ||
| Will Arnett and Brad Cooper. | ||
| Yeah, Brad Cooper. | ||
| Well, it was fun to have him in the green room because, you know, we're all around each other all the time. | ||
| It was fun to have new people in there with stories we've never heard. | ||
| Oh, I wasn't there for that one. | ||
| Yeah, it was cool as shit, you know, just to have him hanging out, you know, good guys, you know. | ||
| Yeah. Woody was there. | ||
| You weren't here when Woody was there? | ||
| No. Oh, my God. | ||
| He was so much fun. | ||
| He's so fun. | ||
| Did he do your show? | ||
| Yeah, he did my show, but that was nights before that, and he just wanted to come to the club. | ||
| He's been to the club a couple of times now. | ||
| Harrelson? Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, he's just been hanging out. | ||
| Fuck, I always wanted to meet that guy. | ||
| Oh, he's so nice. | ||
| We just all hung out in the green room, and he was just like one of the boys. | ||
| It was so easy. | ||
| How fucking cool is that? | ||
| So cool. | ||
| He's so easy to talk to, and talks to everybody the same way. | ||
| He's like so easy. | ||
| He's just a genuine dude. | ||
| He don't even have a phone. | ||
| You can't even get a hold of him. | ||
| Really? Yeah, he don't have a phone. | ||
| Doesn't do email. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| He's got an assistant that handles everything. | ||
| Yeah, which is probably a freeing thing. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| Leave me alone. | ||
| Right? You know? | ||
| Well, I don't answer emails anyway. | ||
| But it's also like, let me know what I actually, let me think about what I think about things instead of being inundated by all these other people's thoughts constantly all day long, which is valuable. | ||
| It's good to get other people's perspectives on things. | ||
| I think it enriches you. | ||
| But at a certain point in time, become captive to it. | ||
| And I think there's just too many people that are captive to other people's thoughts. | ||
| I think so, too. | ||
| That's why I'm so close-minded. | ||
| And I really am. | ||
| I'm truly closed-minded, and I think you're open-minded. | ||
| I try to be. | ||
| And I struggle with that, because just letting people pour information into my head, I just tend to avoid it. | ||
| I am engaged in that I do follow things closely, and not the stock market, but everything else. | ||
| That's been a little bruiser. | ||
| Don't follow the stock market right now. | ||
| It's so baffling. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Like, what is going on? | ||
| The whole world is mad at us. | ||
| Trump's playing golf, and in between swings, he's on the phone with presidents of countries. | ||
| We're going to need more money! | ||
| Yeah, that's what somebody told me the other day. | ||
| Is he playing checkers? | ||
| Is he playing chess? | ||
| He's playing golf! | ||
| He's playing golf. | ||
| Like, what does that mean? | ||
| Everybody wants to think there's some, like, grand plan to it. | ||
| Well, I think the grand plan is, look... | ||
| You know, we remember back when the, was it the 92 elections when Ross Perot was in? | ||
| So when Ross Perot laid out what happened, do you remember during that debate where Ross Perot laid out what happened with the tariffs? | ||
| So that, like, they, when we try to sell stuff over there, we get a high tariff. | ||
| It's like a 35% tariff, but they don't get tariffs. | ||
| When it comes over here, it's not the same. | ||
| It's not like, you know, you guys, there's a tax on everybody if you want to sell your goods to encourage people to buy American products. | ||
| If you want to sell your products in America, we get a tax. | ||
| That tax goes to the fucking grid or whatever the hell they're fixing with it. | ||
| Ross Perot was laying it out like this is how all the jobs went to Mexico because... | ||
| Have you ever seen that, Jamie? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| It's a great speech. | ||
| When he talked about the giant sucking sound? | ||
| Yes. You actually mentioned that earlier in the podcast. | ||
| That's what I was talking about. | ||
| Yes, that's it. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Did you just see that recently or something? | ||
| No, I just remember it. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| He would have been a great president. | ||
| I voted for him. | ||
| He had big ears. | ||
| He didn't come across well on TV. | ||
| He was an independent. | ||
| And nobody was voting for independent. | ||
| By the way, they changed the whole way debates work after this because it used to be if you got 5% of the vote in the primary that you could be a part of the presidential debates. | ||
| And that's not the case anymore. | ||
| Or it was 5% in a poll. | ||
| I forget what the number was that you had to reach. | ||
| But it wasn't a high threshold. | ||
| And then you could be a part of the debate. | ||
| And they changed the shit out of that after this. | ||
| Because Ross Perot tanked it. | ||
| They thought H.W. was going to go for a second term. | ||
| And meanwhile, Ross Perot fucked it up. | ||
| Because a lot of people that would have voted for Bush voted for Ross. | ||
| And the people that were already going to vote for Clinton voted for Clinton. | ||
| And Clinton won. | ||
| But play this, Jim. | ||
| $13, $14 an hour for factory workers. | ||
| And you can move your factory south of the border, pay a dollar an hour for labor, hire a young... | ||
| That's assumed you've been in business for a long time. | ||
| You've got a mature workforce. | ||
| Pay a dollar an hour for your labor. | ||
| Have no health care. | ||
| That's the most expensive single element, making a car. | ||
| Have no environmental controls, no pollution controls, and no retirement. | ||
| And you don't care about anything but making money. | ||
| There will be a giant sucking sound going on. | ||
| There it is, right there! | ||
| If the people send me to Washington, the first thing I'll do is study that 2,000-page agreement and make sure it's a two-way street. | ||
| One last point here. | ||
| I've decided I was dumb and didn't understand it, so I called the who's who of the folks who've been around it. | ||
| And I said, why won't everybody go south? | ||
| They said, we'll be disruptive. | ||
| I said, for how long? | ||
| I finally got them up for 12 to 15 years. | ||
| And I said, well, how does it stop being disruptive? | ||
| And that is, when their jobs come up from $1 an hour to $6 an hour, and ours go down to $6 an hour, then it's leveled again. | ||
| But in the meantime, you've wrecked the country with these kinds of deals. | ||
| Jesus Christ, what a fucking smart man. | ||
| He was right. | ||
| And that's exactly what happened. | ||
| American manufacturing collapsed. | ||
| Yeah, and they did it all for money, and they did it all because they were greedy. | ||
| They were already rich. | ||
| Right. And if we could have just gotten those motherfuckers some ayahuasca... | ||
| Jesus Christ, they'd have smoothed the fuck out, man. | ||
| They would have said, oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. | ||
| Yeah, let's be nice. | ||
| Let's make America great again. | ||
| I don't understand the trade war with Canada, because have you ever met a Canadian that had $35 in his pocket? | ||
| No. They're all broke. | ||
| They have $22. | ||
| Really? And they'll buy you a beer. | ||
| I love Canadians. | ||
| Yeah, they're broke. | ||
| They don't have any money up there. | ||
| How come they don't have any money? | ||
| Because it's socialism. | ||
| I think it's a great place. | ||
| Don't you love Canada? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Well, they have socialized medicine, but it's a capitalist society. | ||
| It is, but socialized medicine. | ||
| It's expensive. | ||
| What percentage do Canadians pay in taxes? | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| Let's find that out. | ||
| What's the Canadian tax rate? | ||
| I know it's higher than Americans. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Mine's a bitch. | ||
| And when you go over there, you have to pay taxes, too. | ||
| Like, if you do a gig. | ||
| Yeah, you have to pay taxes. | ||
| Yeah, you pay Canadian taxes on your gig. | ||
| And you get paid in Canadian dollars. | ||
| I'm not going up there much for shows. | ||
| Yeah. But, you know... | ||
| So here it is. | ||
| Canada's top federal income tax rate is 33%, while the U.S. is 37%. | ||
| Right. However, when combining federal, provincial, state taxes, Canadians often face higher marginal rates across various income levels. | ||
| That's interesting, that theirs is only 33%, ours is 37%. | ||
| I thought ours was lower than theirs. | ||
| I thought ours was 40%. | ||
| Well, it is when you get to a certain tax bracket, correct? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| Ours changes when you get higher, right? | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| 33%. On the portion over $246,000. | ||
| What's ours in terms of the highest tax bracket? | ||
| What's the highest U.S.? | ||
| Is it 37? | ||
| That's what it is? | ||
| What's really crazy to me is when people say the rich should pay more taxes. | ||
| Okay. Fine. | ||
| But where do you think that's going? | ||
| Where's that going? | ||
| Where is the money going? | ||
| Is the money going to the federal government? | ||
| Do you think they're good at it? | ||
| Do you think they're good at managing your money? | ||
| Have you paid attention to all the shit Elon's fucking uncovered? | ||
| 37% is when you make over $609,000 a year. | ||
| That's you, motherfucker. | ||
| That's me last month. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| It's like, I'm happy to pay tax if I thought that they were doing a great job. | ||
| But it's just you are being strong-armed into giving money to people that do a really shitty job of protecting your money and investing it in the country. | ||
| A lot of it is going to bureaucracy and bullshit and a bunch of things that you don't have any say in. | ||
| If you could, like, opt out of it. | ||
| If you could, like... | ||
| Imagine if you had a whole tax sheet, what would you like your money to go to? | ||
| Would you like your money to go to overthrowing governments? | ||
| No. What if the federal government's budget was entirely based on the will of the people? | ||
| You get to choose. | ||
| How much of your money do you want to put into drone strikes in Yemen? | ||
| I say, I don't want zero of my money going to that. | ||
| How much money do you want to go to this or that or clean water? | ||
| Okay, clean water sounds good. | ||
| How much infrastructure? | ||
| Fuck yeah, fix the streets. | ||
| Well, I'm kind of... | ||
| I agree with you, and I've just heard you say this, that everybody should have access to health care and education. | ||
| 100%. The whole country. | ||
| The whole country. | ||
| That would rise us all up. | ||
| 100%. Less losers. | ||
| That's how you make America great. | ||
| Less losers. | ||
| Less people that are saddled down with a lifetime of debt because they broke their leg. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, all my sons... | ||
| My friends are all saddled with $90,000 worth of fucking student loan debt. | ||
| Subsidized. And my son was lucky enough that I had enough money to pay for his. | ||
| And so he doesn't have that burden. | ||
| But goddammit, nobody should have that burden for an education. | ||
| And it's just a for-profit institution that roped you into thinking that that was necessary. | ||
| That you have to be. | ||
| And by the way, you can get... | ||
| As good an education right now online as is available anywhere on earth. | ||
| If you have the discipline. | ||
| If you have the discipline. | ||
| Right. Yeah. | ||
| That's what's so wild. | ||
| That's what's so fascinating about this time is that it is basically obsolete and yet people are still paying $70,000 a year for it and more. | ||
| Like, what does Harvard cost? | ||
| How much is Harvard? | ||
| What's Harvard's yearly tuition, Jamie? | ||
| What do you guess? | ||
| I was at least 50, 60. Yeah, at least 50. Imagine if you're a middle-class guy, and you got two kids, and they do real good, and they don't have scholarships, and you got to pay for them. | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| I mean, I don't see how people do it. | ||
| I mean, I really don't. | ||
| They barely do it. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| The total cost of attendance, including fees, housing, and food, reaching around $82,000. | ||
| Undergraduate tuition is $56,550 for a year. | ||
| That's a lot of money, man. | ||
| Oof. That's one year. | ||
| Oof. And if you drop out after one year, then you have nothing and you're down 80 grand. | ||
| But if you make it through those four years, now you're 200 grand in the hole that you owe. | ||
| And then you have to get a job, and then you get a job that pays 50. And you're like, what? | ||
| Yeah. Oh, my God. | ||
| I'll never pay this off. | ||
| I'll never pay this off. | ||
| And then you throw a couple of kids on top of that. | ||
| You know something wild? | ||
| There's people out there, their Social Security is getting docked because they owe student loans. | ||
| So they take money out of your Social Security to pay for your student loans. | ||
| Because the student loans is the one thing you can never escape. | ||
| You can't bankrupt it. | ||
| Which is so crazy. | ||
| It's cruel. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| You're saddling an 18-year-old with the burden of a lifetime. | ||
| Harvard were off a free tuition for families earning $200,000 or less a year. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| To who? | ||
| That's a new thing. | ||
| Offering it to who? | ||
| You can't even get into Harvard. | ||
| Right, but it's still good. | ||
| Will be free for students and families earning $200,000 or less a year. | ||
| College announced Monday. | ||
| Harvard has long sought to open our doors to the most talented students, no matter their financial circumstances. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I just don't know if it's necessary. | ||
| I think it's probably necessary for kids to go to school just to, like... | ||
| A passage, a rite of passage, you know? | ||
| Like, I think ceremonies and rites of passages are missing in our society. | ||
| And especially, I could speak for young men, they don't know when they're a man. | ||
| Like, am I a man yet? | ||
| There's some men that, you know, in their 30s, their dad's still yelling at them. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, when am I a man? | ||
| When am I an equal? | ||
| When am I... | ||
| You know, we don't have a ceremony. | ||
| You know, in other tribal societies and all throughout history, people have had rituals, rites of passage rituals, where people feel like, okay, we fucking made it, you know? | ||
| Like, you have a black belt ceremony. | ||
| You got your black belt. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I made it. | ||
| You know, I'm in. | ||
| But, you know, so I think there's a benefit in that in society. | ||
| But then you gotta, like, unlearn all this shit your fucking crazy professors are telling you. | ||
| Did you go to college? | ||
| Yes. I went to UMass, Boston. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's a good school. | ||
| Easy to get into. | ||
| I only went because I didn't want people thinking I was a loser. | ||
| That's the only reason why I went. | ||
| I just wasted my time there. | ||
| I went for three years, just wasting my time taking class so I could tell people I was going to college. | ||
| Oh, I didn't waste any time. | ||
| I got kicked out of high school in the 10th grade. | ||
| You know, my mind is an open book there. | ||
| A lot of the pages aren't filled in. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| And I always kind of—I regret that a little bit, you know, that I didn't go to college, that I didn't— What do you regret about it? | ||
| Well, just—you know, well, number one, I think I'd be smarter. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I've made it just fine with what I've had. | ||
| You know, I've got attention deficit disorder and all these things. | ||
| It really kept me from doing traditional schoolwork very well. | ||
| I'm not even sure that's real. | ||
| Attention deficit disorder? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think it's real. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| No. Let me change your mind. | ||
| I think there's a lot of people that aren't interested in a lot of things. | ||
| But when they say attention deficit disorder, why are those guys so good at video games? | ||
| Like, why are they so good at things that aren't school? | ||
| I think we could... | ||
| Categorize it into a bunch of different disorders and problems. | ||
| But I think a lot of that is a way to get you hooked on some sort of pharmaceutical drug that's going to fix whatever problem you have that doesn't allow you to sit in class and listen to some boring shit for fucking six hours. | ||
| You got no problem writing jokes, Ron White. | ||
| You got no problem performing. | ||
| It's not like there's not a thing that you can't excel at. | ||
| You can pay attention when you're on stage. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| I think stand-up comedy... | ||
| Was the answer to every problem I had. | ||
| Because that's what I was good at. | ||
| You're a comic. | ||
| You are a comic. | ||
| That's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| But let me give you an example. | ||
| That's my point, is that there's a lot of different functions in society. | ||
| There's a lot of different roles in society. | ||
| I think they probably tag ADD to people that don't have it. | ||
| But I know that I still have it. | ||
| So, if let's say that I was going to put together A ceiling fan. | ||
| And hang it in my roof, which I'm not. | ||
| I could no more do that than the man in the moon without an Adderall. | ||
| If I take an Adderall, I'll read the directions, I'll put the whole thing together and hang it on, no problem. | ||
| Without it, I stare at it. | ||
| I've tried. | ||
| You're bored. | ||
| You need excitement. | ||
| You're a certain type of dude who needs a certain type of stimulation. | ||
| Which is why you like the high-wire act of performing live. | ||
| I don't think it's a disorder. | ||
| I think it's a superpower. | ||
| Ah! Well, I like the sound of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I think the inability to pay attention to shit that's not interesting is not a disorder. | ||
| It's just, you know what's interesting and what's not. | ||
| You know, to this, like, maybe I have it too. | ||
| Because to this day, when I'm talking to someone, they're saying something really boring, I want to run away. | ||
| Right, you don't hear a word that's coming out of their mouth. | ||
| I don't hear a word, and I just can't, it's like, it's... | ||
| I just want to get out. | ||
| I'm the same way. | ||
| But that doesn't mean I have a disorder. | ||
| I don't think I have a disorder, because if I'm talking to you, I've got no problem at all. | ||
| Well, let's get two ceiling fans out here. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure I'm not that good at putting together a ceiling fan either. | ||
| I wouldn't enjoy it, but I could do it. | ||
| You just follow the directions. | ||
| Like, you could follow directions. | ||
| It's not hard. | ||
| It's just you wouldn't enjoy it. | ||
| But if it was something that you enjoyed doing, like learning how to swing a golf club better, then you could pay attention. | ||
| I do pay attention to that. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| I think there's roles in this world. | ||
| And different personalities fit perfectly into mathematics. | ||
| Different personalities fit perfectly into philosophy. | ||
| Engineering. Different personalities. | ||
| It's like, you just gotta find out what... | ||
| What vibes with the way you think and we all think differently. | ||
| We all have different We all have different backgrounds. | ||
| We all have different biology. | ||
| You know, you just got to find what is the thing that, like, syncs up with the way your mind works. | ||
| And the problem with traditional education is it was designed by the Rockefeller family. | ||
| Like, the school system in this country was designed to create better factory workers and soldiers and to get them real early. | ||
| That's why they want to start you at five, because they figured out when you start people at 12 or 13... | ||
| They already got their ideas of what the world is and how the world works, and I'm not fucking shooting somebody for you. | ||
| So what they do is they get you when you're five. | ||
| And when you're five, they can kind of indoctrinate you, separate you from your parents most of the day while your parents are at work. | ||
| And so that's like most of your day you have other people other than your parents telling you how the world is, how the world works, what's happening in your life and what you should be doing. | ||
| And that's kind of crazy because a lot of those people suck. | ||
| I remember thinking that when I was a kid, like thinking how strange it is that people that I don't respect and I don't enjoy are the ones that are in control of communicating to me most of the day. | ||
| I remember very clearly thinking that when I was a little kid, like 10, 11 years old. | ||
| Yeah. You know, I know that when I was a kid, I used to have this history teacher who was also a PE coach. | ||
| Now, he had something as intriguing as history to teach me, but I could not listen to him talk. | ||
| So he couldn't even make American history interesting. | ||
| But a good teacher could have done it. | ||
| A good teacher could have roped me in to what was going on and the story of it and how it affects my life and the lives of my parents and my grandparents, how it all went down. | ||
| That's an interesting story. | ||
| But if you're a dull fucking assistant coach basketball and now you've got a fucking one period of history and you have a monotone voice and I'm just out of it, I imagine what it would have been like to have access to wonderful educators. | ||
| Right, but if you were listening to like, you ever listen to Dan Carlin's podcast? | ||
| No. He's got this podcast called Hardcore History. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| Incredible. It's amazing. | ||
| It's such a good podcast. | ||
| And this guy will, like, lay out the events of World War I in a way that you will hang on every word and you'll park your car. | ||
| Like, if you've got to go somewhere, you'll keep your car running because you just want to listen to where this is going. | ||
| Wow. So if a guy like that was teaching you history? | ||
| That would have been great. | ||
| I mean, I think I would have been engaged. | ||
| You probably would have been a historian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, making nothing. | |
| Yeah, I mean, but... | ||
| Dan Carlin's doing well. | ||
| But that's someone who loves what they do. | ||
| And that's the difference. | ||
| School is this weird indoctrination fucking ritual that we all have to go through. | ||
| And then we all have to feel real bad about ourselves because we don't want to be there and we're not doing good at it. | ||
| I felt like a fucking complete loser in school. | ||
| I never felt like I was that I was supposed to be there. | ||
| I never felt like I was smart. | ||
| You know, but I remember, like, finally, when I realized that I was never, like, when I was going to school for three years, when I went to college for three years, when I finally was like, what am I doing? | ||
| Like, I stopped doing this. | ||
| It's just wasting time. | ||
| Because that's all I was doing. | ||
| It was just completely wasting time. | ||
| It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. | ||
| I could just go, eh, this is not for me. | ||
| Well, the one thing is I didn't waste that time, you know? | ||
| Right. There you go. | ||
| I did. | ||
| But, you know, I think I'd have a better understanding of how the world works if I'd understood world history. | ||
| Right. You know, I mean, those kinds of things. | ||
| I just wish I was, you know, I wish I had an education. | ||
| But what would I do with it? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I'd still do stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, well, hopefully. | ||
| And I wouldn't be any fucking funny. | ||
| Jesus Christ, imagine if you did. | ||
| Imagine if you did go down a different road. | ||
| That would have sucked. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Before I started doing stand-up, I was a window salesman. | ||
| And I was broke. | ||
| And I had nothing. | ||
| And I was unimpressive. | ||
| And my in-laws bought us a garage door opener. | ||
| So I had a garage door opener. | ||
| Now you're going to think this is really fucking weird. | ||
| I used to wear that garage door opener on my belt so people would think I had a beeper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
*laughter* | |
| I just clip it right there on my belt. | ||
| People don't know about the beeper. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| A lot of people listening right now. | ||
| I have no idea what that is. | ||
| Ron and I have been through all the various stages of technological... | ||
| Wizardry. Yeah. | ||
| But the intertwining in our lives. | ||
| The first thing was the beeper. | ||
| Like, you would get a beeper. | ||
| Like, my friend Johnny had one. | ||
| You could page people. | ||
| You could page him, and he would call the number. | ||
| Yeah. Hey, what's up? | ||
| And you'd stop at a phone booth. | ||
| Now that what a phone booth is... | ||
| And he'd have to, like, put quarters in the phone booth and look at the beeper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. Hey, what's up? | |
| Hey, what's going on? | ||
| Where you at? | ||
| And you'd have a conversation with someone. | ||
| That's how you'd get a hold of them. | ||
| You'd have to page them. | ||
| Right. Yeah. | ||
| Joey Diaz had a pager forever. | ||
| Joey Diaz had a pager deep into the, like, maybe the 2000s. | ||
| Wow. Not kidding. | ||
| Yeah, definitely in the 90s he had a pager. | ||
| Because I remember sometimes he would go AWOL, and I'd be paging him. | ||
| Like, where are you? | ||
| Like, one time we were doing a gig in Jersey. | ||
| We were doing Rascals in East Orange, and he fucking never showed up. | ||
| And I finally got a hold of him on the phone. | ||
| He's like, I'm not going to lie to you, dog. | ||
| I never left Vegas. | ||
| God damn it, Joey. | ||
| I'll never forget that conversation. | ||
| I never left Vegas. | ||
| I'm not gonna lie to you, dawg. | ||
| I never left Vegas. | ||
| He was just having a good time. | ||
| But that's how you got ahold of him. | ||
| You'd have to page him. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| And then one day he got a phone. | ||
| And when he got a phone, you better not fucking text him. | ||
| If you text him, he'll yell at you. | ||
| Like Brian Redband used to text him. | ||
| He'd go, stop fucking texting me! | ||
| And then Joey eventually got an iPhone and Brian got a text from him one day. | ||
| I'm like, oh, he's texting? | ||
| He's like, he fucking texted me. | ||
| Now we'll text you. | ||
| But he doesn't like to text. | ||
| How's he doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's good. | |
| He's coming down soon. | ||
| He's going to be here in a couple weeks. | ||
| Good. Good. | ||
| He's coming real soon, right? | ||
| When is he here? | ||
| Two weeks. | ||
| Okay. Yeah. | ||
| He only wants to talk to you on the phone. | ||
| I go, why? | ||
| Why don't you like talking to people? | ||
| He goes, I'm insecure. | ||
| I want to hear your voice. | ||
| I want to tell you I love you. | ||
| I'm like, okay, I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| He's old school. | ||
| Yeah, he calls me every once in a while just to say hello. | ||
| Just to say hi. | ||
| Yeah, just to say hi. | ||
| Just checking on you. | ||
| He might be the number one dude that I just talked to mostly on the phone. | ||
| Very few text messages between me and Joey. | ||
| Then I'll ask him, like, hey, is April 22nd good? | ||
| Yeah, we're good. | ||
| Okay. See you then. | ||
| So is he going to come down to do sets? | ||
| He's coming down to do sets. | ||
| He's getting ready. | ||
| He's going to do a special. | ||
| So he's doing a bunch of shows. | ||
| He's got a residency I think he's doing in Philly. | ||
| Is he doing in Philly? | ||
| We'll find out when he gets here. | ||
| But he's doing a residency. | ||
| He's done a few of these residencies where he shows up like every weekend. | ||
| His shows, places. | ||
| People love him. | ||
| He opened up for Tom in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| Tom said when he went on stage, they went fucking apeshit. | ||
| Oh, how cool is that? | ||
| They went apeshit because they didn't know he was coming, you know? | ||
| And then all of a sudden, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Joey Diaz. | ||
| He's like the Snuffleupagus. | ||
| He's a mystical creature. | ||
| Right, he is. | ||
| He is. | ||
| There's nothing like him. | ||
| Nothing like him. | ||
| He's a completely unique human being, you know? | ||
| It was fun to watch him just stomp the fuck out of the fucking room at the store, man. | ||
| He'd just beat the shit out of those crowds. | ||
| Oh, beat the shit out of those crowds. | ||
| Some of the sets that I've seen him have in the OR, I think it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| I've seen everybody. | ||
| I've seen everyone. | ||
| Great, great, great comedians who I love to death and I'll watch them every time they perform. | ||
| I think Joey hit RPMs that nobody hit. | ||
| He hit these moments. | ||
| Oh, I saw him wind them up, man. | ||
| Just wind them up. | ||
| It's like when people say, like, who's the funniest guy ever? | ||
| I'm like, God, man, I don't... | ||
| You know, there's guys with great insight, like Patrice had great insight. | ||
| He was really hilarious, but he also had great insight. | ||
| Joey Diaz, you ain't getting no insight out of Joey Diaz. | ||
| He's rock'em, sock'em, robots. | ||
| He's here to fuck you up. | ||
| He's here to fuck that crowd up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He used to have this bit about Terry Crews. | |
| Like when Terry Crews accused some guy of grabbing his dick. | ||
| You know, and he had this bit about Terry Crews in an underwear commercial. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| You'd be in the back of the room, just barely breathing. | ||
| You couldn't breathe. | ||
| Everyone, like, I was looking around. | ||
| People are falling out of their chairs. | ||
| Like, they couldn't handle it. | ||
| And he was on fire, just purple, fucking red in the face, screaming and yelling. | ||
| Like, oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That was some of the first sets I saw you do at the store when you were doing that bit where you were standing on top of the stool. | ||
| Oh, the Kim Kardashian bit? | ||
| Yeah. I just remember how just Dick slapped those fucking crowds. | ||
| I'm like, God damn it. | ||
| He's good at this. | ||
| Fuck. It's a fun job, bro. | ||
| It is the funnest job. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| We're so lucky in so many ways. | ||
| It just doesn't make sense. | ||
| Yeah, when I think about a life without stand-up, it makes me nervous to even think about it. | ||
| Well, we almost did it, right? | ||
| Yeah. I mean, when we all went through that with COVID, I mean, you were basically saying you were done. | ||
| I thought it was done. | ||
| Yeah. I didn't like it anymore. | ||
| And you were accepted then. | ||
| Halfway through every set, I couldn't wait for it to be over. | ||
| Wow. And now, I go on stage and I have this whole new gratitude. | ||
| For these crowds, you know, that are still there, waiting. | ||
| Bigger than ever. | ||
| My shows sell out faster than they ever have. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| And part of it is just because there's less of them, I guess. | ||
| But also it's because of my friends. | ||
| You know, the word gets out. | ||
| You know, you guys didn't let me die. | ||
| Yeah. Yeah, we knew... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I tell everybody, but it's true. | ||
| You're one of the reasons why we decided to buy a club. | ||
| Because you grabbed me when you got off stage that first time. | ||
| You hadn't been on stage in like eight months. | ||
| And you grabbed me by the shoulders. | ||
| Whatever the fuck we have to do, we're going to keep doing this. | ||
| Yeah, and we did. | ||
| I'll never forget that moment. | ||
| I was like, okay, we're going to do it. | ||
| You're going to get that fucking club open. | ||
| I'm like, we're going to do it. | ||
| I was already thinking about doing it very seriously. | ||
| Because I realized, like... | ||
| Early on coming here, I was like, we need a place. | ||
| We can't just be working out of these rock and roll clubs. | ||
| They're not set up right. | ||
| No. You know? | ||
| No, there's a difference. | ||
| I don't even like to do sets other places. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't either. | |
| That's really what's wrong with the mothership. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It'll spoil your fucking ass, you know, with great crowds and perfect acoustics and an amazing sound system. | ||
| And then when you move over to another room, which I rarely do, do another set in town. | ||
| I did one a couple months ago, and I was like, this sucks. | ||
| If you guys want to find me, I'll be down at some mothership. | ||
| Yeah, we did it, Ron. | ||
| We actually did it. | ||
| It's interesting when you look back at those conversations we used to have, like we were in the Vulcan. | ||
| Hanging out in the green room, talking about what the club's gonna be like. | ||
| Yeah. It seemed like a pipe dream. | ||
| And I know a lot of people probably did think it was fake. | ||
| There was a lot of people in LA, like Tony used to talk to them all the time,"Yeah, when's Joe opening that club? | ||
| Club's never gonna open. | ||
| It's all bullshit. | ||
| You guys moved down there for no fucking reason."'Cause the thing about you making a choice, that's a cigar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it is. | |
| Yeah. If the thing about you making a choice to go and... | ||
| You know, start something up. | ||
| And the people that are left behind, they kind of want you to fail. | ||
| Especially the haters. | ||
| Right. They want you to. | ||
| So Tony was, like, encountering that all the time. | ||
| These people that just, for whatever reason, they don't want other people to... | ||
| They don't want other people to escape the bomb that they're in. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like people from the neighborhood that don't want you to leave. | ||
| And when you do leave, oh, look who's back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. People... | |
| For whatever reason, people really like when people fail. | ||
| You know, it's a gross feeling. | ||
| It's a gross thing, but it's super, super common. | ||
| Looking for a joint? | ||
| Yeah. Jesus Christ, Ron. | ||
| Don't you know we're in Texas? | ||
| You know, that's the first thing they've got to fix, is make this shit legal in the whole country. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| What's stopping them? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| I mean, it's a political beach ball. | ||
| It's one of those things that just gets tossed around that I think is good for the establishment that runs the country. | ||
| It's good to keep it up in the air. | ||
| Like, I'll promise when I get in office, gays will be able to marry! | ||
| Yay! Yeah, right. | ||
| And then they're talking about, there's people that want to take that off the table, you know? | ||
| It's like there's a bunch of those things, like Roe v. | ||
| Wade, that was a big one. | ||
| There's a bunch of these cultural beach balls that are very important issues to some people, and they get exploited by politicians as a way to promise you this and promise you that, but sure. | ||
| But it never, nothing ever gets fixed. | ||
| Nothing ever changes. | ||
| Right. Well, it's changing a little. | ||
| You know, I didn't think marijuana would ever be legal in Oklahoma. | ||
| I thought they'd be behind us, you know. | ||
| But boy, you go there now, it's billboards on every fucking street corner. | ||
| Come get your weed, you know. | ||
| New Mexico just authorized psilocybin therapy. | ||
| Really? Yep. | ||
| People with depression. | ||
| I think depression and anxiety. | ||
| Is that what it's for? | ||
| Is that what they're using it? | ||
| Those terms which apply to basically everybody? | ||
| Right. Everybody. | ||
| Everybody's had some depression and some anxiety. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Now you can get some mushrooms and figure your life out. | ||
| Maybe I'll give it a try. | ||
| Yeah. It's just the problem is federally it's still not legal. | ||
| Right. It's so dumb. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| And I don't think it's going to change, unfortunately. | ||
| I think Trump is too busy with all these other issues. | ||
| I don't think he's interested in that. | ||
| Co-sponsor said, here it goes, the bill would establish an advisory board, treatment equity fund, and research fund, as well as remove psilocybin from the Controlled Substances Act to protect qualified and registered patients, clinicians, | ||
| and producers, according to a news release jointly by the Office of the Senate and the House Democrats. | ||
| So this is what the Democrats have over the Republicans. | ||
| Freedom to explore your consciousness. | ||
| Republicans, for whatever reason, they shy away from that. | ||
| It doesn't fit with their conservative mindset of what you should... | ||
| And it used to be it didn't fit... | ||
| Freedom of speech didn't fit with their mindset. | ||
| And now the Republicans are all about freedom of speech because they realize the consequences of it during the last election cycle. | ||
| You know? | ||
| When things get censored and when you have a town square that's curated by not just the big tech companies but also by the federal government itself, things can get weird when you're trying to access the truth. | ||
| You want to know what is actually going on. | ||
| When certain stories have actually been suppressed from the news because the federal government deems them misinformation, even if they turn out to be true, that's not good. | ||
| And so because of that, the right... | ||
| Is supporting freedom of speech, which I think is fucking great. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's what we all should be supporting. | ||
| But we all should be supporting the freedom to expand your consciousness. | ||
| And people have been doing it in certain ways for thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| And you don't know better if you haven't done it. | ||
| If you haven't done it yourself and you're passing judgment on people that have, you're not qualified. | ||
| If you want to go do a psilocybin session, like a heavy, what Terrence McKenna would call a heroic dose, you want to do that and then talk shit? | ||
| Okay. But until then, because the thing is, it would preclude you from doing the things that you're doing. | ||
| Know this, okay? | ||
| If you are a fucking rampant capitalist and all you give a fuck about is your hedge fund and all you give a fuck about is the stock market and numbers and buying this exclusive that and that exclusive this and getting tickets to this exclusive thing and all you're about is like status and numbers, | ||
| it will fuck that up. | ||
| It will fuck that whole thing sideways. | ||
| You won't be able to take any of that seriously anymore. | ||
| But that's good. | ||
| It's good for you. | ||
| You're not supposed to be taking that seriously. | ||
| If you've got half a billion dollars and you're still scrambling to try to make more money, like, pause. | ||
| You're 67 years old. | ||
| You're gonna die if you're lucky in 30 years. | ||
| If you're so lucky to hit 97. Oh, yeah. | ||
| 30 years happened so quick, man. | ||
| We've been here for five, Ron. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| You were here for six. | ||
| You were here, you were patient zero. | ||
| I always say you were patient zero in the Austin invasion. | ||
| Because I remember calling you, was it 2018 when you moved here? | ||
| 17, I think. | ||
| 17. I remember calling you, going, what are you doing down there? | ||
| Like, we miss you at the store. | ||
| Oh, I fucking love it down here. | ||
| Middle of the country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I want to fly, I can fly anywhere real quick. | |
| People are nice. | ||
| Food's great. | ||
| And I was like, fuck, can I live in Texas? | ||
| I started thinking about it then. | ||
| But then when the pandemic hit, and I knew you were here, and then I had some friends in LA that were also real sketched out by all of it. | ||
| They all wound up moving somewhere else. | ||
| A couple of them moved, well, two families that I was real good friends with, they moved to Dallas. | ||
| And then another good family friend moved to Vegas, and then another one just decided to stay. | ||
| And we all came out here together, you know, as groups of friends. | ||
| And when we were looking around Austin, I was like, fuck, Ron White lives here. | ||
| I could live here. | ||
| That was like one of the first things I thought. | ||
| I thought if Ron lives here, at least I have Ron. | ||
| Yeah, I got a friend. | ||
| Yeah. And I was like, okay, I can't do stand-up right now anyway. | ||
| But then as soon as I moved, Tony's like, fuck it, I'm moving. | ||
| I was like, you're moving too? | ||
| And then Segura's like, I'm in. | ||
| I was like, holy shit. | ||
| And then Brian Simpson came out real early. | ||
| And I didn't really know Brian well at all. | ||
| Until Tom introduced me to him. | ||
| Tom was like, dude, you gotta meet this guy. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| He is too, man. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| So he was here early too. | ||
| And then Hassan and Derek both moved out here early. | ||
| I'm like, oh shit, we got something going on. | ||
| And then Tim Dillon bought a house out here. | ||
| I was like, oh my goodness. | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And then Duncan was like, man, fucking North Carolina. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm like, come to Texas, motherfucker. | ||
| And then all of a sudden Duncan's out here. | ||
| I'm like, holy shit. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I'm like, all right, we're up and running. | ||
| And by the time we decided to make that club, fuck, we had like 10 great guys living here. | ||
| And more were coming. | ||
| And they're still coming. | ||
| Yeah, Dylan, Tony, there's so many different guys from the store that used to work at the store all the time. | ||
| Yeah, I roped Tony in, man. | ||
| I'm like, we need Tony here. | ||
| I gave him my fucking condo and let him use one of my Range Rovers to go out to Dallas. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, live here for a week. | ||
| I don't know where I was, but you spend a week here, you'll go, yeah, this is doable. | ||
| Well, we all were so excited because it felt like we were doing something different. | ||
| Yeah. You know? | ||
| I felt like we were doing something different. | ||
| I've always had this"fuck it" part of me. | ||
| I was like,"fuck it, let's go." That's me. | ||
| I love doing that. | ||
| You do. | ||
| You're impetuous as fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it. | |
| From the time you told me you were gonna,"I'm gonna move there." You had a house like two days later. | ||
| I'm like,"God damn, this guy moves when he moves." Yeah. | ||
| My kids helped a lot. | ||
| Because they really wanted to move. | ||
| That sweet-ass place on the lake, that's good living over there. | ||
| It's also like when we came here, no one had masks on, and everybody was acting normal. | ||
| And so my kids were like, what's going on? | ||
| How come everyone's normal here? | ||
| We should live here. | ||
| And then it just happened. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, the stores closed so I could get all the employees. | ||
| And then I was like, look, I'll pay you now. | ||
| You don't have to work. | ||
| Just hang out. | ||
| We're going to do something special. | ||
| That was more money than you were thinking. | ||
| It was, but money is fun coupons. | ||
| Yeah, fun tickets, that's right. | ||
| That's what it's supposed to be. | ||
| If you're not having fun and you have money, you're doing something wrong. | ||
| Because you should be trying to have fun and sometimes some things... | ||
| You have to pay for in order to have fun. | ||
| A lot of fun is free. | ||
| But there's a lot of fun where you go like, oh, we've got to buy a building. | ||
| We have to hire an architect. | ||
| We have to pay a construction crew. | ||
| We have to do a lot of things. | ||
| But that's the way to do it. | ||
| That's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| And I was the person who was able to do it. | ||
| Because the universe had decided that this thing wanted to get made. | ||
| And we hit every green light. | ||
| And then I was like, okay, well clearly this is the thing I'm supposed to do. | ||
| You know, I know it sounds crazy, but let's go, you know? | ||
| But the whole thing was crazy. | ||
| Like, it was in the middle of the biggest deal I'd ever done, ever, in my whole life. | ||
| Spotify. This crazy thing. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| The show was already like the number one show. | ||
| What does that feel like? | ||
| It was nuts. | ||
| Sign that fucking deal. | ||
| Bananas. Bananas. | ||
| But I was also like, okay, well, what should... | ||
| You know, you have to figure out what you're going to do. | ||
| Like, you have to be... | ||
| You can't be at the whim of all these other people's ideas and expectations. | ||
| Like, what do you want to do? | ||
| It's like, I want to get the fuck out of LA. | ||
| So let's do it. | ||
| So I moved in the middle of everything. | ||
| So there's this giant deal I have, and all of a sudden they're like, where are you going? | ||
| I bet they were. | ||
| I'm like, I'm going to Texas. | ||
| They're like, don't go to Texas. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Like, are you sure you won't be able to get guests? | ||
| I'm like, look, I'm flying guests in three times a week anyway. | ||
| Right. I was already flying people in from New Mexico and New York. | ||
| New York, and New York's closer than... | ||
| You know, it's a great spot, really. | ||
| Right. It's not like a six-hour flight. | ||
| That six-hour flight across the whole country is a pain in the ass. | ||
| You know, the people were worn out by the time they got there. | ||
| So, you know, they had to, like, have a night to rest and relax and rehydrate. | ||
| And then the next day, maybe, you know, still they're probably not 100%. | ||
| You know, this is like three hours. | ||
| A three-hour flight ain't shit. | ||
| It's a three-hour flight from everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. It's easy. | ||
| It's a great spot. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also like I feel like sometimes the universe calls you in a way and tells you, just like gives you a feeling. | ||
| I think ideas are like a life form. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think it's like an unexplored life form. | ||
| I think that's why the concept of the muse is so enticing to people. | ||
| Because there's something real to it. | ||
| Like when you decide you're just going to sit there and write. | ||
| It doesn't always come like sometimes you get nothing but sometimes because you sat there you'll have some of the best lines you've ever written because I think they're like life forms that you have to call into your life and I think sometimes These life forms, | ||
| these ideas, they just exist in the ether. | ||
| And by circumstance, they kind of gel together and become more valid and more alive. | ||
| And then they enter into your mind. | ||
| And if you're ready to receive these ideas, you have to act on them, especially if they're positive. | ||
| I'm not saying, you know, go fuck up the Capitol building because you have an idea. | ||
| I mean, positive ideas, not vengeful. | ||
| Like, if you have a good... | ||
| A good soul. | ||
| If your goal in life is a positive thing, these ideas will come to you and you're supposed to... | ||
| If you can, you're supposed to act on them. | ||
| And I felt like, wow, what a unique opportunity I have to be able to do this. | ||
| I shouldn't be scared because it's daunting and it's expensive and it's like, what are you doing? | ||
| You just do it. | ||
| Just do what you do. | ||
| Here's one thing that I believe. | ||
| I believe that... | ||
| Things disguise themselves, and we call them coincidences, but there really are no coincidences. | ||
| And if you'll look for things that look like coincidences, you can follow that line and go somewhere with it. | ||
| And I feel like that's what happened whenever the mass exodus and people started coming to comedy, to make this the best comedy scene in the world. | ||
| Yeah. You know, those things fell into place because that's what was supposed to happen. | ||
| And I think it all happened because of me. | ||
| In that, I needed it the worst. | ||
| I needed this more than anybody else did. | ||
| And I feel like I was able to cash in all my fucking karma or whatever and draw it all into me a little bit because I needed it. | ||
| And so, you know... | ||
| Well, it makes sense. | ||
| Like, it's certainly a huge factor, right? | ||
| Because if you didn't inspire me to even think about Austin, I wouldn't have. | ||
| And I wouldn't have moved here if you weren't here, I don't think. | ||
| Maybe I would have, but it helped a lot that you were here. | ||
| I was like, this makes it so much easier that I know Ron's here. | ||
| Because it was weird times then, man. | ||
| Even going to a restaurant, you felt like you were a rebel. | ||
| It felt weird. | ||
| It felt weird to not be scared. | ||
| You wanted to hide the fact that you weren't scared, that you wanted to just go out. | ||
| It was a strange, strange, strange time that I think even now we look back on and we can't... | ||
| I watched a... | ||
| UFC fight the other day, an older fight, and all the corner men had masks on. | ||
| I'm like, this is the craziest thing that we went through. | ||
| That's a big time stamp right there. | ||
| You know, it's bizarre. | ||
| It was a fight that took place in an arena in Florida with no crowd. | ||
| No crowd. | ||
| It was Justin Gaethje versus Tony Ferguson. | ||
| It was one of the first fights we did back. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| And you were there? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Yeah. And I was watching the fight the other day, and I was looking at the corner, and they all had masks on. | ||
| I was like, what a weird fucking time. | ||
| I remember people would get upset if I didn't wear a mask backstage. | ||
| I'm like, what are we doing? | ||
| What is this for? | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| These guys are beating the fuck out of each other and sweating on each other. | ||
| You know, and all of us tested negative. | ||
| That's how we got through here. | ||
| Like, is someone magically going to get COVID while we're all wandering around together? | ||
| Don't we all test negative? | ||
| So to get in this room, they had to be able to test you. | ||
| Everybody got tested. | ||
| Like those shows that you did with Chappelle. | ||
| Exactly. So we're all in this room. | ||
| Take that fucking stupid mask off. | ||
| But even the shows we did with Chappelle, outside the people were supposed to wear masks. | ||
| Outside. Outside, everyone's tested. | ||
| Is this a mystery, magical disease that we're encountering? | ||
| Like demons hiding in the woods for you? | ||
| But it was, too, at one time, wasn't it? | ||
| You know, I lost Vic Henley to that disease in New York City early on. | ||
| But Vic was not a healthy guy. | ||
| What the disease did is exposed metabolic health problems. | ||
| I'll admit that. | ||
| I mean, he was a raging alcoholic, and he knew it, and I knew he was really considering. | ||
| Making some changes in his life, you know, that he was talking to me about. | ||
| And then, boom, you know, gone. | ||
| So in that sense, yes, it was. | ||
| But it wasn't in the sense where all these healthy people who have been tested are wearing... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Especially the athletes and the fighters. | ||
| Like, what we would have to do is if one of the corner men got COVID, even if the fighter didn't have COVID, the fighter was pulled from the card. | ||
| So one of the cornerman tests was positive for COVID because the fighter had been around him, even if he's negative. | ||
| We treated it different than we treated anything ever. | ||
| And especially for the fighters. | ||
| It was not going to have an effect on them unless there was one guy it did have an effect on. | ||
| He got COVID really, really bad. | ||
| But it's because they kept training. | ||
| These guys kept training while they had COVID. | ||
| A lot of these guys, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| They have the flu. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| They're showing up at the gym. | ||
| It's part of being an animal. | ||
| It's like you'll show up sick and you'll train through a... | ||
| But you shouldn't do that. | ||
| You're just breaking your immune system down further, and especially if you're in camp. | ||
| So being in camp for a fighter is very different than regular working out. | ||
| Being in camp for a fighter is you are... | ||
| Basically, redlining your body, trying to get it to recover, like trying to get it to keep pace so you can get to a superhuman level that's only achievable after like a 12-week camp, | ||
| and you could only hold on to it for a couple weeks. | ||
| They know when you're peaking sometimes and they'll back a fighter off. | ||
| They'll go,"We're done today. | ||
| We're done today." You're peaking too early. | ||
| You're peaking too early. | ||
| You don't want to overdo it. | ||
| So you want to back off your training when you're feeling absolutely perfect and get yourself, just slow down. | ||
| We're a little too soon. | ||
| Like a really good trainer knows when you're peaking. | ||
| But you can't maintain it forever. | ||
| It's really only for... | ||
| That's why it's so crazy that a lot of these guys, they'll accept a fight on like 10 days notice. | ||
| Like, that's nuts! | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Like, you need to be peaking. | ||
| You need to be like, you're gonna fight in a fucking cage. | ||
| And I know you're doing this as a financial decision, but that's why Jon Jones is the smartest. | ||
| Jon Jones never did that. | ||
| They changed opponents. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Fights off. | ||
| Even guys like Chael Sonnen, who eventually stomped. | ||
| In the first round. | ||
| Like, absolutely destroyed. | ||
| It was not even remotely competitive. | ||
| It was an annihilation. | ||
| It would have been an annihilation 365 days a year for decades. | ||
| It wouldn't have mattered how good Jon Jones is and as great as Chael Sonnen is. | ||
| Jon Jones was the bigger man. | ||
| Chael had fought at 185 pounds. | ||
| Jon was a big 205 and he was the most talented guy that ever fought in the sport. | ||
| And he's going to win every time. | ||
| But when they changed the opponent, they tried to make it Chael Sonnen. | ||
| He's like, nope. | ||
| Nope. We do things the right way. | ||
| I go through a full camp. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Fight's off. | ||
| Because they want you to play ball. | ||
| We need a new guy. | ||
| But look, to this day, everybody says he's the GOAT. | ||
| Well, why is he the GOAT? | ||
| Because he did everything the right way. | ||
| He knew, especially when he wasn't partying, he did everything the wrong way, too. | ||
| He did a lot of partying and still beat the fuck out of everybody because he was that good, because he was that talented. | ||
| One of the craziest things he ever said, Daniel Cormier, when they were having a rematch. | ||
| They were talking shit in the press conference. | ||
| And Daniel Tormier said something to John. | ||
| John goes, I beat you when I was on coke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is the craziest statement. | |
| Because he says it and you're like, oh shit. | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| That's how good John was. | ||
| But if you try to change opponents, John's like, uh-uh. | ||
| Try to call John Jones in for a late notice fight on five days notice. | ||
| He'll tell you to go fuck yourself. | ||
| Like, nope. | ||
| I'd rather hang out at home with my dog. | ||
| Like, he's not doing it. | ||
| Like, you gotta... | ||
| So, these guys, when they're peaking, they're vulnerable. | ||
| They get sick a lot, especially when they're cutting weight, because you're redlining your body, and you can overdo it, and guys overdo it all the time. | ||
| They overtrain. | ||
| They just break themselves down. | ||
| They've kept too much pace and not enough recovery, and they're declining and declining and declining. | ||
| They show up at the gym, they have no energy, and you're like, fuck. | ||
| And if you get a guy to the fight that's overtrained, it's horrible. | ||
| It's horrible to watch. | ||
| I've seen it many times. | ||
| The guys just can't recover. | ||
| They're too tired. | ||
| They overdid it. | ||
| They were too tough for their own good. | ||
| So one of those guys got COVID. | ||
| This guy, Hamza Chemaev. | ||
| And this motherfucker is a psychopath. | ||
| He's a savage. | ||
| Like, one of the most savage guys that's ever fought in the sport. | ||
| And he just kept training. | ||
| Just kept training. | ||
| This motherfucker trains like eight hours a day. | ||
| He trains like a wolverine. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| And he was training with COVID and he kept getting real sick. | ||
| Wound up getting hospitalized. | ||
| Coughing up blood. | ||
| Gets out. | ||
| Goes right back to it. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Hospitalized again. | ||
| He got hospitalized like twice because he wouldn't stop training. | ||
| Because he's that psychotic. | ||
| But other than him, regular athletes that get it, they just take a few days off. | ||
| Daniel Cormier had COVID. | ||
| He trained through it and won the title. | ||
| Won the heavyweight title. | ||
| Training through COVID in his camp. | ||
| He was sick during camp and kept training. | ||
| And everybody was like, let's just keep going. | ||
| I didn't get off the couch the whole time I had COVID. | ||
| So just imagine those level of athletes and we're worried about it so much that everybody has to wear a mask. | ||
| Like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Right. This is nuts. | ||
| So all that had to happen too. | ||
| We were the reckless ones. | ||
| We were the ones that like, I'm not buying this. | ||
| I'm gonna live my life. | ||
| I'm going to Texas. | ||
| And there was a lot of people that were really mad at that. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| You're not scared. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're doing shows indoors. | ||
| You're killing people. | ||
| Blood is on your hands. | ||
| There was a frothy, a frothy mess of people that were just all caught up in this psyop. | ||
| They were just the, you know, and it was great. | ||
| Not good, really. | ||
| But it was great in that it exposed these fragile thinkers. | ||
| So many fragile minds. | ||
| They couldn't see the forest for the trees. | ||
| They couldn't see it. | ||
| And when we all came out here and we said, we see it. | ||
| Like, this is bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it'll make you sick. | ||
| Yeah, you'll have to be at home for a week. | ||
| Yeah, get vitamin drips. | ||
| You'll be alright. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| This is what we're dealing with, for real. | ||
| And a lot of people agreed. | ||
| And then it turns out we were right. | ||
| It turns out we were right. | ||
| At the end of the day, we were correct. | ||
| We were correct to want to live our lives. | ||
| We all went back to live our lives. | ||
| "Too soon!" Says who? | ||
| Says who? | ||
| The fucking government that's been lying to you about this disease the entire time? | ||
| It's hard to even look back on it and realize that it happened. | ||
| You know, that it really fucking happened. | ||
| That we were locked up, locked down. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Because it's like when you find out your friend's a bitch and then you have to count on him again in the future. | ||
| You're like, dude, don't fall apart on me here. | ||
| Show up. | ||
| Like, don't get scared. | ||
| I need help. | ||
| Like, if you find out your friend... | ||
| It falls apart under pressure. | ||
| You're like, oh great. | ||
| Why are you crying, Mike? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| Don't cry. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Like, now you can't count on Mike because Mike falls apart when chick gets hot. | ||
| And this is how it feels like a good percentage of the country. | ||
| You know, it was a joke from my last special, but I really feel this way. | ||
| We lost a lot of people during COVID and most of them are still alive. | ||
| I wrote that line thinking about specific friends. | ||
| It's like, what did you think was going on? | ||
| What did you think was going on? | ||
| Yeah, it's a disease. | ||
| But since when have you changed your entire fucking life for years for a disease? | ||
| This is nuts. | ||
| Since when have you listened to the entire government tell you you can't have outdoor dining because of a disease you've already had? | ||
| You've already gotten through it and this they're still telling you this and we're we're a year and a half into this fucking thing and So we were right and so so many people because we were right so many people also came and that's the beautiful thing It's like people speak with their actions and the people that are willing to make a leap like that Those are the ones you want there. | ||
| Those are the ones like we got the best of the best We got the the most fuck you of the fuck you people Because comedians are fuck you people. | ||
| They are. | ||
| Something happens in society like, hey man, fuck you. | ||
| Right. Or eat a steaming bowl of fuck. | ||
| Eat a steaming bowl of fuck. | ||
| No matter what it is, you know? | ||
| And the world needs that. | ||
| I need that. | ||
| I need that. | ||
| I need you here. | ||
| I need Tony. | ||
| I need people like that. | ||
| The same way that you did. | ||
| The way we all sort of collectively manifested it together. | ||
| But without you, we wouldn't be here. | ||
| Yeah, so you guys come on down to Austin, Texas and check out the mothership and see how much fun we're having if you don't believe it. | ||
| If you think we're making this shit up. | ||
| Because of you, I also almost bought the cult house. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| That would have been... | ||
| We would have made it happen. | ||
| People say, yeah, that would have been horrible. | ||
| It wouldn't have been horrible. | ||
| Nah, it would have been amazing. | ||
| Because it was a cool place. | ||
| It would have been amazing. | ||
| Yeah, it would have been amazing. | ||
| It would have been amazing. | ||
| It's an amazing spot, and it's hilarious that a cult used to own it. | ||
| I feel terrible for all the people that were roped into building it. | ||
| All the people that guy buttfucked. | ||
| You were doing that piece that was so funny and you quit doing it. | ||
| You didn't do that on your specials, did you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I didn't. | |
| No, that was so funny. | ||
| Yeah, it's a true story. | ||
| Remember I gave you that line that it's okay to hypnotize people and buttfuck them because it falls under the category of I talked them into it. | ||
| Yeah, it's basically the same thing. | ||
| That's not illegal at all. | ||
| I talked the guy into letting me fuck him in the ass. | ||
| It's kind of technically not illegal. | ||
| With a watch going back and forth in front of his face. | ||
| That's not illegal. | ||
| That's not drugs. | ||
| The guy was a hypnotist and a gay porn star. | ||
| Like, what a combo. | ||
| Right. And then when they found the gay porn... | ||
| You watch the documentary, right? | ||
| The documentary's incredible. | ||
| But Ron... | ||
| For the people at home, Ron had performed at this. | ||
| So you had performed at that place. | ||
| You go, I fucking love that theater. | ||
| You should buy that place. | ||
| And then it was for sale. | ||
| I was like, oh, we're in. | ||
| And then Adam Egott is the one. | ||
| He goes, have you seen that documentary that's on that cult? | ||
| I'm like, oh, no. | ||
| Oh, no, Ron White. | ||
| What have you done? | ||
| What have you done? | ||
| I watched the documentary. | ||
| I don't think I even realized at that time that that's what that building was. | ||
| I don't think I knew that it was a cult. | ||
| Yeah. Building whenever I first took it. | ||
| Have you seen the videos of the guy dancing around inside the building? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. Oh, yeah. | |
| That was what it was built for. | ||
| I had seen that years ago. | ||
| I mean, years and years ago. | ||
| So I knew about that anyway, but I didn't realize that that was the building. | ||
| Or maybe, fuck, I don't remember. | ||
| Those are the same people wearing masks in their cars. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like that's why you can start a cult. | ||
| If you just get everybody who wears a mask in their car, you could rope those motherfuckers into doing almost anything. | ||
| And that's how cults get started. | ||
| Yeah, now people are looking for leadership. | ||
| Well, they're also looking for community. | ||
| And they're really dumb. | ||
| Think about the positive aspects of the mothership, right? | ||
| Like, we're all having a good time. | ||
| Well, this is what everybody really wants. | ||
| But what if the only way you can get that is to believe Baba Kinesh over there, who changed his name, and now he wears wooden beads, and he sits in the lotus position, and everybody's got to suck his dick. | ||
| I just wanted to do yoga and hang out with everybody. | ||
| Why am I going to suck this guy's dick? | ||
| But they kept sucking his dick. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| They're sucking his dick somewhere else now. | ||
| In Hawaii. | ||
| In Hawaii. | ||
| Yeah. He's still getting his dick sucked. | ||
| Some guys are just really good at getting their dick sucked. | ||
| It's like the thing where you need to be on acid to understand the Grateful Dead. | ||
| It's like you need to be at the special frame of mind with a special nine-volt brain where you can... | ||
| Get talked into a cult like that. | ||
| But it happens every day. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Every day all throughout the country. | ||
| You know, I was talking to Mark Andreessen about this venture capitalist guy. | ||
| He's a brilliant guy. | ||
| And he was telling me that there's a ton of active cults right now in California. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That are functioning. | ||
| Like you only hear about the ones that wind up getting in shootouts with the feds. | ||
| There's a bunch of them that actually function. | ||
| Somehow or another, they keep it together. | ||
| You know, people leave. | ||
| They tell the horror stories, and some people join. | ||
| Right. But, like, Wild Wild Country is a great example. | ||
| That Netflix documentary. | ||
| Yeah. The crazy thing is, in the beginning, it looked so fun. | ||
| Yeah, it looked completely fucking doable. | ||
| So doable. | ||
| You know, our leader's got really nice fucking cars. | ||
| Look. Yeah. | ||
| How could he be wrong? | ||
| He can't be wrong. | ||
| He's got 20 Rolls Royces. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| It's like whatever the way that we evolved in tribal society to listen to the chief, we all have this strange desire to either be the chief or listen to the chief. | ||
| Sure. Either be the alpha or listen to the alpha. | ||
| And someone can pretend to be the chief. | ||
| They can pretend to be the chief with magical insight. | ||
| You know what the most fucked up thing about that documentary is? | ||
| The thing that still fucks with my head? | ||
| Is it that guy would do this thing to these people called the knowing, and they would orgasm. | ||
| They would literally meet God. | ||
| To this day, they all say that it was real, that that thing actually did happen. | ||
| Like, the power of suggestion, the fact that he kept it from them for so long, and then the one day... | ||
| Or this is your coming-of-age ceremony. | ||
| This is the one day you're going to get the knowing. | ||
| And he would put his hands on them and they would really experience something. | ||
| And they said it was like they were experiencing God. | ||
| It was the most bliss they had ever felt in their life and that they never felt it again. | ||
| So the circumstances and the ritual... | ||
| Activated this innate part of our consciousness that's always there, this ability to talk to God, the ability to communicate with God, which is probably what every religion is trying to do. | ||
| It's all like this whisper of the truth that's out there in the ether, and everybody knows that it's out there. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| I just have to figure out how to... | ||
| And this guy is crazy, gay porn star, hypnotist, buttfucking all these dudes, still. | ||
| Even this guy was able to touch these people, and they were able to access that part of their brain. | ||
| And they were in. | ||
| They were in. | ||
| They were like, oh, we're in, man. | ||
| I'm following this guy everywhere. | ||
| This guy really is, like, connected to God. | ||
| Well, you know, I think that prayer, let's start with that, just with prayer, is a physical thing, not a spiritual thing. | ||
| And that's why it works for anybody. | ||
| You know, I believe it's a way to channel energy, and it changes the way you feel, but it doesn't matter what you're praying to, that it's a physical transfer of injury, not a spiritual thing. | ||
| And because anybody can do it. | ||
| And also hypnosis is so powerful when it's done. | ||
| Correctly. And I know that because I've experienced hypnosis done well. | ||
| And so, boy, if you had both of those things, you know, you could have power over anybody that's stupid enough to fucking lie. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem. | ||
| That was what they did during the Manson family, MKUltra, during those days. | ||
| This is part of... | ||
| The chaos book by Tom O'Neill. | ||
| It's about the Mansett family, excuse me, the Mansett family murders. | ||
| And one of the things that they went into is the fact that this guy who worked for the CIA at the time was part of MKUltra. | ||
| His name was Jolly West. | ||
| And Jolly West is this figure all throughout the counterculture resistance movement that the federal government had sort of concocted. | ||
| Part of what he was doing was teaching people how to manipulate people with LSD and he was Teaching Charlie Manson in jail. | ||
| This guy visited Manson in jail. | ||
| Then Manson would get out of jail, and Manson would get in trouble, get arrested, and then get released. | ||
| And the sheriffs all say, it's over my pay grade. | ||
| They were all told to let him go. | ||
| And so he was implicated in murders and violent crimes, and they always let him go. | ||
| They always had to let him go. | ||
| And he was getting acid. | ||
| And he had sophisticated methods of manipulating minds. | ||
| It wasn't as simple as, like, This is a charismatic dude and they all want to cut a baby out of fucking Sharon Tate's stomach. | ||
| No. It was way crazier than that. | ||
| It was sophisticated mind control from MKUltra. | ||
| And they wanted to see if they could get people to become homicidal maniacs. | ||
| And they were right. | ||
| They could. | ||
| They knew how to do it. | ||
| They used it. | ||
| And they got Manson to do it. | ||
| And it threw water on this whole anti-war hippie movement. | ||
| All that peace, love shit. | ||
| Now hippies are murderers. | ||
| Now hippies are Charles Manson. | ||
| Now, you know, your kid wants to just, like, fucking paint flowers and show up at Grateful Dead shows. | ||
| No, your kid's a murderer. | ||
| Your kid's a fucking... | ||
| All the hippies are suspects now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It worked. | |
| It was a fascinating thing they did. | ||
| Like, the way they threw water on this movement that was happening, like, in 1970, there's this... | ||
| Just threw it down and put Schedule 1 on everything. | ||
| If the Nixon administration hadn't done that in 1970, who knows what the world looks like today? | ||
| Like, who knows? | ||
| Who knows if you can get Ibogaine and Ayahuasca in America, if psilocybin had stayed legal. | ||
| It was made illegal in 1970. | ||
| Not until 70? | ||
| Yep. All that stuff became Schedule 1 in 1970. | ||
| Marijuana was always illegal. | ||
| It was illegal from like the 1930s. | ||
| And that was because it was a textile and that was because it was a commodity. | ||
| It had almost nothing to do with the drug itself. | ||
| They were trying to outlaw hemp. | ||
| They were worried because they had come out with a new way to process hemp fiber. | ||
| It's called a decorticator. | ||
| They invented this thing. | ||
| Big thing. | ||
| Popular Science Magazine. | ||
| Hemp, the new billion dollar crop. | ||
| It was like they were saying we're all going to use hemp now because now there's an effective way to process the fibers and they're superior to everything else. | ||
| Make superior paper, superior cloth, superior everything. | ||
| Much, much, much, much better plant. | ||
| And William Randolph Hearst was like, fuck that. | ||
| So William Randolph Hearst starts publishing stories in his newspapers about how blacks and Mexicans are taking this new drug called marijuana. | ||
| They invented the name. | ||
| It was a wild Mexican tobacco. | ||
| That's what marijuana used to be. | ||
| It was slang for a wild Mexican tobacco. | ||
| So they put that name on cannabis, something that people had had forever. | ||
| People have been smoking it forever. | ||
| It was literally... | ||
| The origin of the term canvas. | ||
| Comes from cannabis? | ||
| Yes. Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
| It's all hemp. | ||
| If you go like the Mona Lisa, those are all painted on hemp. | ||
| The first draft of the Declaration of Independence was written on hemp. | ||
| Hemp was a far superior paper. | ||
| It's really difficult to tear. | ||
| It's a crazy fiber. | ||
| Hey, can we put this on pause for a second? | ||
| Huh? You got to piss? | ||
| Can we put it on pause for a second? | ||
| Yeah. Okay. | ||
| So, ladies and gentlemen, Ron White had a moment there where the cold came back, the sickness came back. | ||
| Yeah, that was a moment. | ||
| That was a moment. | ||
| I don't know what that was. | ||
| Well, I was over here blabbing about the illegalization of weed and how crazy it is, and we were talking about ayahuasca and all those things, and all of a sudden... | ||
| You just got a little pale. | ||
| Yeah, I got a little pale and started sweating. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I just got a little sick. | ||
| I feel a little better now. | ||
| I've had a nice yak. | ||
| How long has this sickness been with you? | ||
| I felt fine all day. | ||
| I felt fine yesterday. | ||
| I played golf. | ||
| Has this happened before, though, or it just comes on out of nowhere? | ||
| No, this should be the first time. | ||
| So maybe it's like a... | ||
| Maybe it's another thing. | ||
| Like a food poisoning thing or something? | ||
| Fuck, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| Wow. And you've had a couple IVs, right? | ||
| I had two last week. | ||
| And I'll go home and get another one. | ||
| And I'm sure I'll be fine in just a little bit. | ||
| Damn. I'm sure I'll be cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. And you played golf? | |
| Yeah. Played golf with my son. | ||
| Had a great time. | ||
| It's a nice day to play golf, too. | ||
| Absolutely. One of the things that we have out here in Texas is real weather. | ||
| I love it when it rains and everything's so green and pretty. | ||
| You need to go down to Costa Rica. | ||
| I do need to go down to Costa Rica. | ||
| Stay in your neighbor's place. | ||
| I do need to go. | ||
| It's the sweetest thing that I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah. My big pet peeve is when people say it's the best thing you've ever seen. | ||
| I'm like, this is the best thing you've ever seen, buddy. | ||
| I've seen some shit, you know? | ||
| I've seen some shit. | ||
| Exactly. Like, what are you saying? | ||
| I've seen so many things. | ||
| But that place down there, it's another driftwood, kind of like driftwood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. It is fucking gorgeous. | |
| I heard that Driftwood place is amazing, the place out here. | ||
| It's the best, man. | ||
| It's so pretty right now because they blow in a bunch of wildflowers all over it, and it's just fucking gorgeous. | ||
| It's a great golf course. | ||
| I almost wish I played golf. | ||
| It's a waste of time and money. | ||
| I know you don't have time. | ||
| Yeah, I would love it, I'm sure. | ||
| We should probably wrap this up because you're not feeling... | ||
| That good, right? | ||
| I feel a little better. | ||
| You alright? | ||
| Yeah, I'm okay. | ||
| You keep rolling a little? | ||
| A little bit, yeah. | ||
| Okay, alright. | ||
| Well, it's just when someone gets sick like that, you don't know what to do. | ||
| Fuck yeah, I don't know what to do, but I swear I feel better. | ||
| I don't feel hot anymore. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| I used to get something out of my stomach real quick, I think. | ||
| Crazy. Quickest way to do it. | ||
| It's just crazy that something's been like, you know, you have a little invader in your body. | ||
| Yeah. You're fighting off. | ||
| That's what we're doing all the time, fighting off these invaders. | ||
| Yeah, I'm still coming to the club tonight. | ||
| Okay. I'm going to get a drip and come do a set. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| This will be fun tonight. | ||
| It's Cam Patterson's show tonight. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. It's an exciting time. | |
| It really is. | ||
| And the world is so chaotic right now, which is great for comedy. | ||
| Whenever the world's fucked up, comedy's at its best. | ||
| Gaza and Palestine and fucking Ukraine and tariffs. | ||
| It's great to come out and do some comedy. | ||
| Yeah. You know what? | ||
| And I stay away from all of it. | ||
| Good. Of that subject matter, any politic or anything like that. | ||
| And the reason is, you know, I know my crowd. | ||
| I know what they want. | ||
| And they want to laugh really hard. | ||
| And I think that I've always taken a position that I'm just not going to bring that into it. | ||
| I'm going to let us do something. | ||
| And I love it when other people do that are really good at it. | ||
| It's fun to watch and it's entertaining as fuck. | ||
| But I decided a long time ago that I'm just going to go out there and make them laugh as hard as I can make them laugh and let them have some time off from Tragedy or whatever. | ||
| And I'm not that good at it anyway. | ||
| I've never been a political commentator, right? | ||
| So why be one now? | ||
| Well, the problem with politics is you're going to alienate 50% of the crowd. | ||
| Dead split. | ||
| Dead split. | ||
| And if you're one of those people that takes a stand on stage, you're like, okay, great. | ||
| Now you're taking a stand. | ||
| Let's have fun. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| What you have to say is so good that you can make someone laugh. | ||
| Oh, if you're good enough. | ||
| Yeah. If you're good enough. | ||
| Right. You know, I saw people try to take on 9-11 right after 9-11, but I only saw like one person. | ||
| If you're good enough to write about that, then write about it. | ||
| But if you're not good enough to write about it, leave it the fuck alone. | ||
| Leave it the fuck alone. | ||
| That's some black belt material. | ||
| Yeah. Some skill level whatever. | ||
| You know Mitzi Shore wouldn't let Brian Holtzman on stage for two weeks after 9-11? | ||
| No, I didn't know that. | ||
| She's like, no way. | ||
| Keep him off the stage. | ||
| Holtzman couldn't wait to say something fucking completely outrageous. | ||
| Whatever that demon inside of him that comes out when he's on stage. | ||
| Yeah, I don't understand him. | ||
| You know, I really don't. | ||
| I love him to death, but he's such an original character. | ||
| The most. | ||
| He's from a different time. | ||
| It's like he was brought here from another dimension. | ||
| He's like a different thing, even the way he dresses. | ||
| It's like he's from the 50s. | ||
| Right. And he's like my age. | ||
| He's not... | ||
| He was like that when I met him. | ||
| He was from a different era when I met him in 94. Oh, you've known him that long? | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, where is this fucking guy from? | ||
| You're from a different time. | ||
| People fucking love him, though, man. | ||
| He's got a crowd now. | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| That's the difference between the way he was treated at the store. | ||
| Unfortunately, he fell into this through nobody's fault. | ||
| But it was like everybody waited until the end when Holtzman would go up. | ||
| But, like, why have him on the end? | ||
| You know, it's like, have him on when the crowd's hot. | ||
| Right. Like, don't put him on at 1 in the morning. | ||
| Put him on at 10. You know, let's see when the crowd is, like, popping. | ||
| Like, let him cook when the crowd's popping. | ||
| You know, and now he sells out. | ||
| People come to see him. | ||
| Right. And he headlines. | ||
| It's like, people get excited. | ||
| You know, he's a maniac. | ||
| And he's got a crowd now. | ||
| He's got, like, a legitimate draw. | ||
| They get it. | ||
| Yeah, they get it. | ||
| Yeah. It's nice. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| That's also the difference between when a comedy club is run by a comic. | ||
| You know, because Holtzman has always been a comic for comics. | ||
| You know, we all would go to see Holtzman at the end of the night when he was doing these insane sets for 15 people in the main room. | ||
| Right. But now, like, we're running the shows. | ||
| Like, give him a fucking weekend. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Give him a Thursday night. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's have some fun. | ||
| Especially the 10 p.m. shows. | ||
| He does a lot of Thursdays. | ||
| Yeah, especially 10 p.m. shows. | ||
| That's the best time to see him. | ||
| When it's late and you've had a couple of cocktails. | ||
| Right. You feel a little crazy about the world? | ||
| Yeah. Let that guy. | ||
| Let that guy lose. | ||
| You understand it's a joke? | ||
| Yeah, you get jokes. | ||
| You get someone saying something that he doesn't really mean. | ||
| Right. It's completely ridiculous to say. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of the fun. | ||
| Yeah. Yeah. | ||
| And then he acts like he means it, and you buy into it. | ||
| No, it's a joke still. | ||
| But every now and then, he'll show you behind the curtain. | ||
| Yeah. Every now and then, he'll give you a little peek, and you're like, okay. | ||
| Yeah. This is an act. | ||
| He's having fun. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He's having a good time. | ||
| And he loves Austin, too. | ||
| I see him walking around downtown almost every time I drive through the city. | ||
| Yeah, it was a big get. | ||
| Getting him here. | ||
| It was a big get because we wanted to bring a lot of the... | ||
| There was some magic that was trapped in the town of the Comedy Store. | ||
| It was magic. | ||
| And some of it wasn't being utilized correctly. | ||
| And Holtzman's the best example of that. | ||
| But what a fun hang it was, you know? | ||
| What a fun hang. | ||
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| I had some of my favorite times in my life in that back bar. | ||
| Yeah. Just laughing. | ||
| Just laughing. | ||
| We would be back there just laughing. | ||
| That was a great thing the Comedy Store did when they put together that bar, that it had Mitzi's actual bar from her house. | ||
| Was the bar there? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, that bar didn't used to be there. | ||
| So the early days, that was like a storage room. | ||
| And so at one point in time when the store was really killing it, they decided we should turn this into a bar. | ||
| And I don't know, what year was that? | ||
| I feel like that was like 2014-ish, which is right when I came back. | ||
| And the story was killing it. | ||
| And we all... | ||
| We're like, oh yeah, we'll have our own bar? | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
| And you had to go through the kitchen to get through it, like a scene from Goodfellas. | ||
| Right. And you get back there, and you could only be back there if you were cool. | ||
| Like, you couldn't buy a ticket. | ||
| It was policed, too. | ||
| Yeah, you had to have a friend. | ||
| You had to know somebody to get back there. | ||
| But we would be hanging with some of the coolest people in the world. | ||
| That was my favorite place to drink. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| There'd be musicians back there. | ||
| Smoke pod back there. | ||
| And everybody was just chilling. | ||
| The drinks were free. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| The store was a magical place, man. | ||
| A magical place. | ||
| And there's something about the fact that... | ||
| You know, it had this insane history to it that you felt like, wow, I can't believe I'm even here. | ||
| Right, standing on the stage, same last stage as Pryor and Kinnison. | ||
| Yeah, and you're in the belly of the beast on Sunset in Hollywood, like right in the middle of everything. | ||
| Right. The middle of everything. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid in 1988 when I first started doing stand-up. | ||
| They would talk about the Comedy Store like it was Mecca. | ||
| Right. Like you had to make your pilgrimage to the store. | ||
| And some guys would say they went there, but they bombed. | ||
| Oh, I went back. | ||
| I tried to do some meetings. | ||
| I did a set at the store. | ||
| I bombed. | ||
| I fucked that place. | ||
| Yeah, my first trip out to L.A., you know, I was trying to get on at the improv. | ||
| I couldn't get on. | ||
| And I was like, oh, man, I went to the Comedy Store. | ||
| And I told them my story. | ||
| It was Monday night. | ||
| And they put me up first. | ||
| Which wasn't a really good spot, and I ate it, but they did put me on stage. | ||
| Well, there it is, right there. | ||
| There were about ten people in there or whatever, nobody, and it was a horrible experience. | ||
| But I always look back at it finally, you know, because they did it. | ||
| They said, yeah, go get on stage. | ||
| First time I ever came out to the store, I was out in L.A. to do some pilot thing for MTV. | ||
| I was staying at a hotel and I knew where the store was. | ||
| I was like, I gotta get there. | ||
| I just gotta see what it's like. | ||
| And they let me in because I said, hey, I'm a comedian from New York. | ||
| Can I just come in and watch the show? | ||
| And they're like, yeah, sure. | ||
| They just let me right in. | ||
| And then I sat in the back of the room and there was like 19 people in there. | ||
| And they were all like, the comics that were on stage were terrible. | ||
| They were all like bodaks. | ||
| And then I realized years later that what had happened was... | ||
| A lot of these scenes, they go in these peaks and valleys. | ||
| And I had caught it when it was at a valley. | ||
| And before it was at a peak, like the Kinnison years, it was a giant peak. | ||
| When people would come to, it was the wild place. | ||
| Kinnison was there. | ||
| They all come at midnight and watch him, and celebrities would be all there. | ||
| And he had died in like 92, I think. | ||
| And I got there in 94. So there was this like... | ||
| Absence. Lull, right. | ||
| It was a real lull. | ||
| There was a lot of leftovers. | ||
| People that were in the 80s that didn't make it. | ||
| Right. But they were still around. | ||
| They're still doing stand-up and hoping that something was going to happen. | ||
| But they had tired acts. | ||
| They were just tired. | ||
| It hadn't happened for them. | ||
| They were out there doing pilot season. | ||
| They didn't want to be at the store. | ||
| Because if you're at the store, there's no agents. | ||
| There's no executive. | ||
| No one comes to see you at the store at that time. | ||
| They would go to the improv. | ||
| They would go to the laugh factory. | ||
| That's where the industry was. | ||
| So if you really wanted to have an actual career, you wouldn't be doing sets at the store. | ||
| And you had to do sets in front of Bud Friedman going, language! | ||
| Watch your language! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. Yeah. | |
| There was a lot of that back then, right? | ||
| The TV days. | ||
| Everybody thought you had to be clean. | ||
| You know, when I came back to the store... | ||
| It was in its heyday. | ||
| You were running the podcast and the fucking place was packed to the rafters and the comics were solid as fuck. | ||
| We had a magical run. | ||
| Yeah. It was a magical run. | ||
| And we're having one now. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| But it's our version of it. | ||
| The new version of it. | ||
| But it's the same thing. | ||
| It's a beautiful thing when... | ||
| I mean, that term artist is very pretentious. | ||
| So I'll just say comics. | ||
| Realize that we're all doing this thing together and there's not a lot of us and it's fun to hang out together and enjoy each other's company and appreciate each other. | ||
| And appreciate the ride. | ||
| We're all on this wild ride together. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And it is quite a ride. | ||
| It's a beautiful ride. | ||
| Quite a ride. | ||
| Yeah, we're very lucky, Ron White. | ||
| And I say it. | ||
| All the time, but it's true. | ||
| You're patient zero. | ||
| All right, man. | ||
| I'll take the title. | ||
| I'll take the title. | ||
| You're really patient zero because you just threw up. | ||
| Imagine if you have some fucking new COVID and picked up some new COVID in Vegas. | ||
| It kills us all. | ||
| Yeah. I love you to death, brother. | ||
| I love you too, man. | ||
| Thank you for being here. | ||
| Thanks for having me on. |
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