July 19, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:41:50
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Cheers, sir. | ||
| Cheers, I'm gonna try to take this seriously. | ||
| Awesome to be at the club last night. | ||
| Yeah, it was fun having you. | ||
| Last night was fun. | ||
| It was a good night. | ||
| Really fun. | ||
| Yeah, it's a fun place, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little Disneyland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It also is like a throwback. | ||
| I'm like, I left Kill Tony on Monday. | ||
| I was like, I haven't had my shirt smell like cigarettes in a while. | ||
| Yeah, all those guys in the green room were smoking cigarettes. | ||
| I had one. | ||
| I don't smoke. | ||
| It's so pretty contagious. | ||
| I was like, I have one. | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| Yeah, that's a what the hell room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's one of those things like you create something with this intention and you kind of hope that it'll work out good, but that place almost sort of made itself. | ||
| Into what it is. | ||
| It's got an energy to it. | ||
| I think it's also because of that building. | ||
| That building was made in 1927. And everybody's performed there. | ||
| Willie Nelson performed there. | ||
| Stevie Ray Vaughan. | ||
| You look in the wall. | ||
| Black Flag. | ||
| All the walls inside the green room. | ||
| All those posters. | ||
| Those are all bands. | ||
| Misfits. | ||
| All bands that performed there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because it was a rock club for a long time. | ||
| The whole thing? | ||
| But it's a big venue, though. | ||
| I don't know if it was two different rooms. | ||
| I think at one point in time it was just one room. | ||
| And then I think with the Alamo Draft House, they turned it into two rooms. | ||
| Then it was a movie theater for like 10 years. | ||
| And then when they went under, we had the two rooms. | ||
| Then we just adjusted everything and changed a lot of stuff and turned it into a comedy club. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool as fuck. | ||
| But that building's alive, man. | ||
| You walk in the building and you're like, this fucking building's alive. | ||
| It feels like everyone's a comedy fan too. | ||
| And you walk in, it's pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah, you build it, they will come. | ||
| It's like the Field of Dreams. | ||
| Yeah, not for everybody. | ||
| For you it is, but not for everybody. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Well, I mean, a lot of people are building comedy clubs. | ||
| They don't come. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't do it that way. | ||
| You did it right. | ||
| But we did it, I swear to God. | ||
| I mean, it sounds stupid. | ||
| I don't believe in fate necessarily. | ||
| I don't not believe in fate, but I'm not like one of those people that's like preaching it. | ||
| If I wanted to believe in fate though, I would believe in fate because of this. | ||
| Because it's like, you ever drive and you just hit every green light for whatever reason? | ||
| I can't drive. | ||
| You don't drive? | ||
| I have a license, but I'm dogshit. | ||
| It hurt me as a young comic because Joe List would always shit on me because we did a road gig, I want to say almost 15 years ago together, where I got us the gig, it was co-headlining, But it was a casino run and the thing was like, you have to split the driving. | ||
| It was like 30 hours of driving total. | ||
| So he's like, can you split the driving with me? | ||
| I said, of course. | ||
| And we got, I already fucked up because we flew into the wrong city on the wrong day because of me. | ||
| I was such a fucking young idiot. | ||
| So we flew into like Michigan. | ||
| It was supposed to start in Wisconsin. | ||
| And he was like, we're prorated. | ||
| I was like, I fucked us. | ||
| We're prorated. | ||
| And then he was already mad at me. | ||
| And then he's like, all right, it's your turn to drive. | ||
| And I started driving. | ||
| He was like, what the fuck is happening? | ||
| This is horrible. | ||
| And he always quotes me as saying, like, no, I'm not a bad driver. | ||
| I just can't turn well. | ||
| And he was like, yeah, that's a bad driver, you fucking idiot. | ||
| So he tells this story about me all the time being like a city. | ||
| He calls me a city hick. | ||
| That's like he started calling me that. | ||
| But yeah, I can't really. | ||
| I have a license. | ||
| I passed the test, but I'm dog shit. | ||
| It's not that hard, though. | ||
| I know I'm that bad. | ||
| I don't know why I'm that bad at it. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| You're so smart. | ||
| I would imagine you're smart to talk to. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| I'm a bad driver. | ||
| You're good socially. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| You're easy to talk to. | ||
| So I would imagine you'd fucking be able to negotiate the distances between vehicles. | ||
| Turn the wheel? | ||
| I bullshit my way through a license. | ||
| I failed two tests in New York. | ||
| They were in the Bronx. | ||
| And then I got a driver who I made her laugh out of the gate. | ||
| And I was like, I'm in. | ||
| I just said, I suck at this. | ||
| I failed too. | ||
| Please don't fail me. | ||
| And she laughed. | ||
| And I was like, I'm in. | ||
| And I hit something. | ||
| And she passed me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
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Would you hit? | |
| I don't remember. | ||
| It was a cone or something. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Something minor. | ||
| It was minor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
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It was nothing. | |
| Not a big deal. | ||
|
unidentified
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A drunk. | |
| I hit a kid. | ||
| But she was like, you got me to laugh. | ||
| Man, I can't imagine not being able to drive. | ||
| Because it's just like, driving is freedom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you can't drive and there's a car there, like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's also freedom to have someone else drive you, though. | |
| If that still happens. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| If everything goes sideways and there's no more Uber and no more Lyft. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you have to figure out how to work a stick shift. | ||
| I'm in trouble. | ||
| Yeah, you're in real trouble. | ||
| Yeah, if there's a civil war, it's going to be hard to hail a cab. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If there's a civil war, where are you going to go? | ||
| I think I'm gonna cave pretty early. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what I'll do. | ||
| Come here. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
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Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm welcome here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| And if it goes sideways, you want to be in Texas. | ||
| Because this place is already ready to be its own country. | ||
| But why do you guys want me? | ||
| What do I bring to the table? | ||
|
unidentified
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You're funny. | |
| That's all you need. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| Good guy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Good guy. | |
| Funny. | ||
| Good to hang with. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's all we need. | |
| I have one bad set, though. | ||
| There's going to be a talk like, you've got to cut this guy. | ||
| Nah, we've seen too many good sets. | ||
| I'm not buying it. | ||
| One bad set, you just need a pep talk. | ||
| That's like Theo Vaughn. | ||
|
unidentified
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Does he... | |
| Oh, I did a gig with him once and he was... | ||
| We did a gig in Edmonton together and he was so in his head when I was like... | ||
| They were like obsessed with you. | ||
| What are you worried about? | ||
| But... | ||
|
unidentified
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He didn't get in his head. | |
| We had to cancel the fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
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This was crazy. | |
| We're in Edmonton and there was like a... | ||
| Wildfires in Edmonton. | ||
| And this is how different personalities we are. | ||
| Like, I'm fucking in my... | ||
| I'm like, oh, the show is going to be canceled. | ||
| We're not going to be able to perform out here. | ||
| This is like bad air quality. | ||
| And he's like, nah, man, it's cool. | ||
| And then within 10 minutes, the agents called and they were like, the city shut down. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| And this was like right after COVID. So I'm like, we can't perform indoors. | ||
| We can't perform outdoors. | ||
| Like, can we do fucking anything? | ||
| And they were like, will you stay an extra day? | ||
| And we're like, of course. | ||
| And then we were like, the air will be better, right? | ||
| And they're like, the next day, ten times worse. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| It smelled like a casino, but outdoors. | ||
| Were you in New York when they had that orange smoke in the air? | ||
| Whenever something bad happens in New York and I'm not there, I feel like a traitor. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Because I'm such a city hick. | ||
| I think the second time I did my own tour bus, so I was really pumped to be on the road and I saw that and I was like, I'm a piece of shit. | ||
| That's Canadian smoke too. | ||
| That was Canadian smoke. | ||
| That was weird. | ||
| The orange thing was weird. | ||
| There's a lot of end of the world shit happening lately. | ||
| Oh yeah, a lot. | ||
| The orange thing was weird, too, because there was this great conspiracy because there was some missing chemicals. | ||
| There was apparently missing chemicals, like, serious amounts. | ||
| Does it always have to be like a comic book, you know? | ||
| It's always so fucking creepy. | ||
| Well, the whole world is like basically some bizarre movie now. | ||
| The Trump thing, the shooter, all the stuff that's coming out about the shooter now, the more you read about it, the more you're like... | ||
| What is going on? | ||
| Yeah, it's like a BlackRock thing too, right? | ||
| Yeah, he did a BlackRock commercial. | ||
| They knew that there was a suspicious person 10 minutes before Trump went on stage. | ||
| They still let him go on stage. | ||
| They saw him on the fucking roof and they didn't engage. | ||
| They saw him on the roof with a rifle. | ||
| It's a bad Secret Service right there. | ||
| They wouldn't put Secret Service agents on the roof because they said there was a slope to the roof and it would be dangerous. | ||
| It's more dangerous if the ex-president gets shot, which he did. | ||
| They let him get off. | ||
| The kid got off three shots, and apparently there was one that we saw that hit his ear, and you see the bullet. | ||
| The photographer got a bullet flying by his head. | ||
| Apparently there's another one of a bullet going by his left side of his head. | ||
| So it went by the right side of his head, hit his ear, went by the left side of his head as well. | ||
| Because the guy got off three shots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he just missed Trump every time. | ||
| And there was the one shot of him, like, turning his head. | ||
| And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| It was that close? | ||
| Dude, it's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| And the fact that they had such poor security guarding him. | ||
| Like, they did such a terrible job. | ||
| My uncle's convinced it's bullshit. | ||
| My uncle's like, there's no way this is real. | ||
| I don't think it's not real, but... | ||
| Look, here's the deal. | ||
| Okay, I'm not accusing anybody of anything. | ||
| I just want to be real clear. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they have organized assassinations before. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And when they organize... | ||
| Usually starts a war. | ||
| Assassinations, it looks just like that. | ||
| And when they organize assassinations, one of the things they like to do is have some fucking loser kill the president, and then they kill the fucking loser, and... | ||
| That's a wrap. | ||
| This kid kind of like stops all the leads. | ||
| Everything's like, where does he go? | ||
| So they have his phone. | ||
| They say they can't get into his phone. | ||
| Bitch, I know you read my text messages. | ||
| Yeah, well, how can you not get in that kid's phone? | ||
| How can you not get in that kid's phone? | ||
| It's always shady, right? | ||
| They always die instantly. | ||
| Like, Kennedy assassination, too. | ||
| Like, a nightclub owner kills Lee Harvey Oswald? | ||
| I'm supposed to believe there's a nightclub owner with a heart of gold out there? | ||
| Runs right up and shoots him in front of cops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is this, the end of Shaft? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| No, it's like, it's ridiculous. | ||
| That was the end of Superfly. | ||
| The new shaft ended like that, too. | ||
| The end of Superfly. | ||
|
unidentified
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He tells him something stupid like that. | |
| It's cinematic as fuck. | ||
| It all feels like a movie. | ||
| Yeah, it seems like a bad movie from the 70s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| That's how every 70s movie ended, by the way. | ||
| A guy just gets shot in the face. | ||
| Right, there's a lot of that. | ||
| Every movie, you're just like, it's like a guy gets shot in the face, and then the credits, and you're like, I guess this is... | ||
| The guy on the roof is just bananas. | ||
| That roof was 150 yards away. | ||
| And if you're a good shot with a rifle, hitting a human being at 150 yards is quite easy. | ||
| I don't know if his rifle had a scope. | ||
| I'm assuming it had a scope. | ||
| Someone said he was using iron sights. | ||
| But he wasn't like set up in advance. | ||
| He just went up there, right? | ||
| I mean, that's that's how they he had a rangefinder Okay, so the kid was walking around the the whole perimeter of the area with a rangefinder which is Instantaneously if your secret service you see someone the rangefinder walking 150 yards where the president is you tackle that fucking guy and You don't let that guy get on a ladder. | ||
| Yeah, this is your Super Bowl. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| He brought a ladder. | ||
| The guy didn't just bring a rifle. | ||
| He got through there with a rifle and a ladder. | ||
| I don't know what kind of rifle it is. | ||
| I don't know if it's the kind of rifle where you could disassemble and reassemble, like an assassin, like screw it together. | ||
| But whatever it is, all of it stinks. | ||
| Every part of it stinks. | ||
| And every person who talks about them, it's like the classic incel, like, never spoke, never... | ||
| This was an old bit of mine. | ||
| I was like, that should be the... | ||
| If you want a gun, you have to be a good conversationalist. | ||
| You better be chatty. | ||
| Because that's like, every person who does these shootings things are assassinations. | ||
| It's like, they're the quiet, creepy fucking dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| The whole thing's very strange. | ||
| There's also photos of him where he had long hair and wear lipstick and looked like a girl. | ||
| I think that was bullshit, though. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's bullshit, too. | ||
| But that's a problem. | ||
| Like, everything's bullshit now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The commercials, the BlackRock commercial, and then there's some videos of him in high school talking about having a 10-inch penis. | ||
| He looks like he's just having fun with his boys. | ||
| There's a video of him saying he's a 10-inch penis? | ||
| Yeah, but it's like he's joking around, you know? | ||
| Like, I have a 10-inch penis. | ||
| You know, like that kind of thing. | ||
| Weird dude. | ||
| Just a weird kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But how did he get in the BlackRock commercial? | ||
| What happened after that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, if I was the CIA, let's not even say CIA. Let's say if I was some shadowy intelligence agency that did these undercover operations that are a little sketchy. | ||
| I don't like to find kids like that. | ||
| That's your moneymaker. | ||
| That's how you do it. | ||
| If you've got a plan, you want to do something, you get some guy that's basically got nothing going on in life, and then you mentor him, become friends with him. | ||
| Maybe that guy's dad is an alcoholic who beats him. | ||
| Maybe his mom is a fucking junkie. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Maybe his life is terrible, and you can provide mentorship. | ||
| And you can provide, you know, just camaraderie. | ||
| Something like, wow, I wish I was a secret agent. | ||
| You know, and then you tell this guy, you tell this kid, hey, you know, you can help America. | ||
| We can work you into the program. | ||
| So now you are saying conspiracy. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| You're entertaining it. | ||
| Conspiracies are real. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| They're real. | ||
| I mean, whatever the fuck happened in Dallas, Texas in 1963, it's not what they tell you. | ||
| That's one thing 100% you're going to be sure. | ||
| There is no objective journalism with no slant, not leaving anything out. | ||
| Whatever happened with Lee Harvey Oswald and the... | ||
| And Kennedy and having some beef with the CIA and some weird shit over maybe Bay of Pigs or something, right? | ||
| Like they immediately... | ||
| How about Alan Dulles, who he fires... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He fires... | ||
| And then he gets assassinated and Alan Dulles is running the Warren Commission. | ||
| He's a part of the Warren Commission. | ||
| It's shady. | ||
| So much Kennedy shit over the years is so shady. | ||
| The shadiest. | ||
| The shadiest. | ||
| He's the biggest indicator, the biggest piece of evidence that... | ||
| Someone from somewhere organized together to kill that guy. | ||
| It wasn't just Lee Harvey Oswald. | ||
| Although, I'm of the opinion that Lee Harvey Oswald was also a part of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because everybody wants it to be binary, right? | ||
| They want it to be one or zero, yes or no, Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, or he was just a patsy. | ||
| But that guy clearly was also doing something with intelligence agencies, because he was able to go back and forth to Russia, he learned Russian, he married a Russian woman, came back to America, And he was also living very well when he was over there. | ||
| He was spending money that, like, you're not making this on whatever per diem horse shit you're making over there. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| He was, like, going to nightclubs and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole story sucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole story seems like he was some sort of undercover operative. | ||
| Like he was getting paid out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I think that's how they do it. | ||
| They make you think you're a part of something, and then they pin the whole thing on you. | ||
| And then, you know, I think there's probably multiple shooters. | ||
| I think there's probably... | ||
| The grassy knoll thing seems super legitimate. | ||
| Also, have you ever looked into how many people who are witnesses that wound up dying in mysterious manners? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking crazy! | ||
| It is like, we make fun of Russia for that shit, but... | ||
| Listen, we do it too. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| We're just a better country and we're cooler. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I'm pro-America. | ||
| Let's get real. | ||
| Let's be, yeah, come on. | ||
| America all day. | ||
| All day. | ||
| But like if you read, I was reading a Putin book and literally every chapter just ends with a guy, like the light going out in his hallway and getting shot in the face. | ||
| And I'm like, this seems like a pretty fucked up rise to power, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Oh, Putin had the most fucked up rise to power. | ||
| That woman who just wrote the book on him, Masha, what's her name, you know? | ||
| Did she wind up missing? | ||
| She's, I think, either on trial or going to prison for saying something anti-military in Russia, which I'm like, alright, maybe, you know what, know your audience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe don't say that in Russia. | ||
| She wrote a book on Putin? | ||
| What a gangster she is. | ||
| It's pretty badass. | ||
| That's a crazy move, man, to know they're gonna come get you and you write that book anyway? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oof. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy might be the richest man alive, you know. | ||
| He's really rich. | ||
| They don't know how rich he is. | ||
| His place is crazy. | ||
| I always hear that there are always rumors that he's not doing well and then nothing, but there's always stomach problems. | ||
| Didn't he have like a stomach cancer? | ||
| That's all rumors, right? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| But also, how much access to medicine does that guy have? | ||
| I mean, if there's a way to cure something, that guy, they're going to get it to him. | ||
| And you have to think that Russia is not captured by the pharmaceutical industrial complex, so he probably has access to all of the off-book medicines that the FDA won't approve, and they'll try all this stuff that's like... | ||
| The good shit. | ||
| Yeah, shit that probably works right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like what Kobe used to go to Germany for knee operations, because he's like, they won't do this to me in America. | ||
| He would go there for Regenikine. | ||
| I've had Regenikine done. | ||
|
unidentified
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What does that do? | |
| It's like a very advanced form of platelet-rich plasma. | ||
| And I had a bulging disc in my neck, and one doctor was trying to convince me that I needed to get surgery. | ||
| He was like, we've got to trim that disc. | ||
| You scolded me for doing this. | ||
| I did something like that. | ||
| Well, I almost did it, and I know too many people have done it. | ||
| That's why I was like, don't do it. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| But you helped me a lot, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
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Good. | |
| I think I told you this. | ||
| Yeah, how's your neck now? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's much better. | |
| I'm great, dude. | ||
| I'm fucking awesome. | ||
| That's great to hear. | ||
| I saw another clip of you recently where you were talking about getting older, like how you have to just lift weights for your health. | ||
| I was like, all right, I got a trainer for my dad. | ||
| I'm like, you guys are getting older, lift weights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't do it, dude. | ||
| I would just play basketball. | ||
| I was like, I'll just hoop. | ||
| And then I started to have fucked up neck problems and stuff. | ||
| And you gave me that neck thing. | ||
| The iron neck. | ||
| But then I just started lifting shoulders. | ||
| I have such bad shoulders, man. | ||
| You're holding your neck up. | ||
| If you don't do anything, there's no muscle there. | ||
| Your muscle only exists if you have a reason for it. | ||
| If you get a cast, if you break your arm, your arm just shrinks out. | ||
| Because you're not using it. | ||
| Your body only uses muscles. | ||
| It only has muscles where you use them. | ||
| And if you stop using them for a long period of time, they just fucking shrink. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| If you have to be bedridden for two weeks when you get up, you're weak as fuck. | ||
| Your body doesn't maintain itself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Except the dick. | ||
| The dick is up every morning. | ||
| It seems fine. | ||
| The dick's rocking, dude. | ||
| But if you get older, it's more extreme because now your body's producing less testosterone, less human growth hormone. | ||
| You're not getting as much sleep. | ||
| You're not repairing in your sleep. | ||
| And if you have bad diet on top of that, then it's all compounding over the years and getting worse and worse and worse. | ||
| Your body doesn't have the nutrients to repair itself. | ||
| And, you know, with all this atrophy, then you start getting people that bend over to pick up a package and blow their back out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, how did you blow your back out from just bending over to tie your shoes? | ||
| That's the thing, too. | ||
| Practical strength. | ||
| Like, if you're, like, lifting for, like—if you're doing, like, deadlifts, you're like, all right, that's like picking up a box. | ||
| This makes sense as opposed to people that are just trying to look—like, I don't give a fuck about that. | ||
| I just want to not pull shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you just want to not be old. | ||
| And, you know, you could do a lot of stuff with just, like, chin-ups and push-ups and bodyweight squats and Hindu squats. | ||
| And, you know, there's a bunch of different things that you could do that are just... | ||
| But the most important thing is you've got to do something. | ||
| And it's not just walk around. | ||
| And really, even cardio is not enough. | ||
| Because cardio doesn't... | ||
| You don't strain the muscles to make them strong. | ||
| You need to do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a requirement for people, just like brushing your teeth keeps you from getting cavities. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| You just have to think about it that way, and most people don't. | ||
| But also think about it, it's like a compounded benefit, because you get the benefit of that, but then you also get the mental benefits. | ||
| Like, if I'm not feeling good, if I'm a little out of it in my own head, a good solid workout, I get out of there, I'm like, everything's fine. | ||
| Dude, I did it this morning. | ||
| I was like, I didn't want to do it. | ||
| I was hungover. | ||
| I didn't want to fucking do it. | ||
| But I just... | ||
| Light. | ||
| Just go light. | ||
| And then you get out of there and you're like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You feel so much better. | ||
| Way better. | ||
| That's my message to the world. | ||
| Please, fucking do something. | ||
| I think we're designed for it. | ||
| I think that's what... | ||
| That's what kept us alive for hundreds of thousands of years before we had agriculture and we organized cities and we developed the stockpiles of food where you didn't have to work as hard. | ||
| And then everything just shriveled away. | ||
| I think everybody had to do physical things. | ||
| Especially cities like this, you can just get in a car and just not walk. | ||
| At least in New York, I do find myself like, I walk most places. | ||
| So I'm like, I'm doing something, but it's not enough, but it's something. | ||
| It's better than nothing, but it's definitely not enough. | ||
| No, you got to lift a little bit of weights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, the problem is people have, like, lifting weights in their head. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| Especially, like, very smart people that have had bad experiences with jocks. | ||
| You know, in their head, lifting weights is like some douchey vanity thing where a bunch of bros are bumping chests. | ||
| You can't think about it that way. | ||
| Just because dumb people do a thing doesn't mean the thing is dumb. | ||
| No, it's actually smart. | ||
| The thing is actually very smart. | ||
| But intellectuals, a lot of very intelligent people don't exercise. | ||
| Yeah, Bill Gates does not look good. | ||
| I don't know if you'd call him an intellectual. | ||
| But you know what I mean, like a guy who has a lot of resources. | ||
| Yeah, but then Jeff Bezos does look good. | ||
| He looks very good. | ||
| Yeah, looks like he's Jack now. | ||
| Mark Zuckerberg looks great. | ||
| You know, it's just a thing that people usually concentrate on one aspect or another. | ||
| If they're like really into physical fitness and really into athletic shit and training and sports... | ||
| Generally, they're not as well-read on international politics and environmental issues. | ||
| It's one, or either you're socially conscious, really kind of aware of the world, understand exactly what's going on in Gaza, or you know how much creatine you should take every day. | ||
| You know which branch-chain amino acids are going to produce the best results, and you know what peptides are the best for healing. | ||
| It's like we put things into two different boxes. | ||
| Either you're really into your body, or you're really into your brain. | ||
| But I say you got to be into both. | ||
| Because if you're not really into your body, your brain is not going to work as good. | ||
| You're not going to have as much energy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially as you get older. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| The hangovers get worse. | ||
| They do. | ||
| It's fucking hard. | ||
| I didn't even have that much last night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I know. | ||
| I had like maybe two drinks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two good-sized drinks on Tuesday. | ||
| And then Wednesday morning I woke up. | ||
| I was like, oh, I feel like shit. | ||
| For two drinks. | ||
| They're stout. | ||
| It's probably really legit for drinks. | ||
| When you're pouring them, it doesn't count. | ||
| But I do that too. | ||
| That's what we do at the Comedy Cellar, and you guys do it here too, I saw. | ||
| Liz, who manages the Comedy Cellar, will drink martinis out of a pint glass. | ||
| And I'm like, that's not a drink. | ||
| That's not a drink. | ||
| That's like eight drinks. | ||
| Yeah, it's multiple drinks. | ||
| Bigger drinks. | ||
| Jamie, bring over that buffalo tray, sir. | ||
| Let's drink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Having a bar is interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| Just that it's too much access? | ||
| I just go there and I see all these people just drinking. | ||
| It's like, this is... | ||
| I have a bar. | ||
| Like, what the fuck happened? | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a bar. | |
| It's a cool bar. | ||
| It's a great bar. | ||
| Lovely people working there, too. | ||
| And it's just such a great hang, especially because, you know, generally we're there mostly just with comics and waitstaff. | ||
| Thanks, sir. | ||
| And you've got to do that thing you were talking about yesterday about the, you know... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's your glass? | |
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Thanks, dude. | ||
| Yeah, well cheers to the fucking club being awesome man. | ||
| Cheers to you brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks for being here. | |
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| Yeah, having a bar is fun. | ||
| It's really nice. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| It's a good place to hang. | ||
| What you don't have here is something I love about... | ||
| Look, I'm a New Yorker till I die. | ||
| I'll never move. | ||
| But what I love about leaving a bar in the winter and just the cold air hitting your face and your shit face, I'm like, oh, that's just like... | ||
| It's almost like getting slapped by the fucking earth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And there's a few bars where you leave a dive and you just feel like, fuck, I feel like a... | ||
| It gets cold here in the winter, surprisingly. | ||
| Yeah, it gets you. | ||
| How cold? | ||
| Well, it snows. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It snows every now and then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It snowed real bad one year. | ||
| Like the first year we moved here and they closed everything down. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Nobody knew how to drive. | ||
| And they don't have any plows. | ||
| So they don't just do anything. | ||
| They just wait until it gets warm. | ||
| Like this is the dumbest approach to snow management ever. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So nobody knew how to drive. | ||
| And you would see people in like Corvettes going sideways through intersections. | ||
| It's just everyone sliding around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So every year it gets below 30. It gets in the 20s sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Trying to find... | ||
| This is the Jewish shit I'm going to do. | ||
| I might pop an antacid with this because I've been drinking coffee all morning. | ||
| Does that help you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ulcers and shit. | ||
| Oh, you have ulcers? | ||
| Ugh, dude. | ||
| I just read something about that, that they think ulcers have to do with some sort of stomach Bacteria now. | ||
| They used to think that it was like the lining of your stomach was getting eroded by stress and now they think it has something to do... | ||
| I think stress hurts it. | ||
| I hate to sound like a Jewish stereotype. | ||
| I think stress hurts everything. | ||
| I think stress hurts your immune system. | ||
| It hurts the way you sleep, which fucks everything up too. | ||
| It exacerbates everything. | ||
| It just makes sense that things come up with stress. | ||
| But I think they have some new theory about the creation of ulcers that's different. | ||
| I think it has to do with microbiome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had to get put under, and they were like, they did the x-ray thing, and they're like, that's a fucking ulcer. | ||
| That's a big ulcer. | ||
| And I was like, all right. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| So what do they tell you to do, like, eat-wise? | ||
| Just didn't do... | ||
| God, it sucks. | ||
| They're like, everything's bad, basically. | ||
| You're like, can't... | ||
| I'm like, well, how about coffee? | ||
| They're like, yeah, you can't have coffee. | ||
| I'm like, well, how about alcohol? | ||
| It's also, I have a drinking pod with Norman, so I'm like, well, I have to work. | ||
| I have to go do my thing. | ||
| And they're like, what do you mean work? | ||
| I'm like, well, I drink on my podcast. | ||
| And they're just like... | ||
| What? | ||
| They're just like, you fucking idiot? | ||
| And I was like, can I have one? | ||
| They're like, drink clear liquor. | ||
| They're like, I'm bargaining with them that I can still drink. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So then we did that. | ||
| But then, yeah, they're like, no acidic foods, no spicy foods. | ||
| I'm like, this is all my favorite shit. | ||
| Acidic food is the best food. | ||
| Yeah, so I just had to chill for like two months with that. | ||
| I was boring as fuck on the road. | ||
| My friend Gary Veeder tours with me and he's so annoyed because he wants every meal to be like a fucking home run on the road. | ||
| And I'm like, you can, I'll get whatever you want, but I can't. | ||
| He wants to like share stuff so we can try more things. | ||
| So he's just getting annoyed that I'm getting like plain ass food for two months. | ||
| Oatmeal and chicken breast. | ||
| That's everything I was eating. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But you feel weirdly kind of good, aside from this stinging in your stomach. | ||
| You've never had one? | ||
| No, I've never had one. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I don't get ulcers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's such a weird thing. | |
| And it sucks because all my friends who have had them are just, like, pieces of shit. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, my friends, like, I've had them. | ||
| I'm like, hey, you're like a fucking drug addict. | ||
| This sucks. | ||
| This is who I'm comparing myself to, you know? | ||
| When did you start getting them? | ||
| I got one years ago on the road in Montreal, and I went to a doctor, and he was just, like, very French, a matter of fact. | ||
| Like, no alcohol for 11 days. | ||
| And I was like, 11 days? | ||
| I was like, how the hell? | ||
| I was a young comic. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Once commonly thought that stress, smoking, and diet were the principal causes of stomach ulcers. | ||
| However, the Heliobacter pylori bacterium is now known to be responsible for the most How do you say it that way? | ||
| Duodental ulcers and 60% of stomach ulcers. | ||
| The H. pylori bacterium also prompts many symptoms of indigestion. | ||
| Treatment for stomach ulcers includes the use of antibiotics to kill the infection and acid-suppressing drugs. | ||
| Yeah, I take a pepsin a lot. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Also people that eat a lot of like... | ||
| Antibiotics. | ||
| That's interesting because antibiotics kill all the good bacteria too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that probably compounds the problem. | ||
| Yeah, I'm probably on borrowed time here. | ||
| Antibiotics are tricky. | ||
| My friend Gordon, Gordon Ryan, he's like the greatest jiu-jitsu athlete of all time. | ||
| He had staph so many times that he was basically on antibiotics for a whole year, and it ruined his stomach. | ||
| Like, his stomach is fucked. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| He has the craziest stomach issues, like some buildup of... | ||
| Like, fungus in there, and he's always ready to throw up. | ||
| He has a hard time putting down food. | ||
| I should be laughing at this, but it's crazy. | ||
| It just sucks. | ||
| Also, when you see the guy, the guy looks like a Greek god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, there's nothing wrong with that guy. | ||
| His stomach is completely fucked, and it all started from... | ||
| You're not supposed to take antibiotics for a year. | ||
| But all these meatheads are doing jujitsu in this basement in New York City, and everyone's getting staph infections, and they don't want to stop training, so they just keep taking antibiotics and keep training. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| And then, you know, years later, you're dealing with this stuff. | ||
| Like, I don't know how the fuck any doctor prescribed him that, or if he just self-prescribed. | ||
| It's just even crazier. | ||
| Well, if he's like a famous athlete, I mean, he probably... | ||
| I don't think he was that famous back then. | ||
| He wasn't as known back then. | ||
| He's very known now. | ||
| All you need is one doctor to be a fan. | ||
| I had a doctor back in the day. | ||
| He was like, I love you on Conan. | ||
| I'm like, can I get muscle relaxers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, sure. | |
| I mean, I wasn't doing well, but he had seen me kill on TV. So he's like, this guy's cool. | ||
| So I was just racking up Pills from him. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He's in the Philippines now, I think. | ||
| He's not even in America anymore. | ||
| Oh boy, he's on the run. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's on the run. | |
| He's on the run. | ||
| But for a while, dude, it was beautiful. | ||
| A lot of guys go to the Philippines and come back with wives. | ||
| A lot of older guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A lot of older guys go to the Philippines. | ||
| They're pretty women. | ||
| Yeah, pretty, young, super happy to not just be eating noodles. | ||
| Let's get out of this fucking country. | ||
| That's the pitch. | ||
| How would you like some just regular protein? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, when you find out what most of the world makes in terms of money, you're like, You know the number, like with the 1%, if you're in the top 1% of the world? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| $34,000. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you make $34,000 American dollars, you're in the top 1% of Earth. | ||
| Crushing life, man. | ||
| So all these people that talk about the 1%ers, hey, look in the mirror, fuckface. | ||
| It's all of us. | ||
| It's literally all of us. | ||
| We're all ridiculous. | ||
| We're talking about people in America, you know, like this inequality of wealth. | ||
| What about What about the world? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What about the whole thing? | ||
| It also depends on the state you live in, though, because 34 in some states ain't getting you far. | ||
| Oh, it's not getting you far in most. | ||
| In most states, it's not getting you far. | ||
| I mean, it's certainly not getting you far in New York and L.A., but just, you know... | ||
| Good thing I make 35. Yeah, nice. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I mean, people aren't walking over here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For no reason. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They're walking across that border. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because where they are is so bad. | ||
| It's so bad you can't imagine it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a good place. | ||
| I love America. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| I like even the cities I think I won't like. | ||
| I did a bit of my new special about Springfield, Missouri, and all the feedback I was getting was like, man, it was so nice you talked about our city without shitting on it. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I had a great time. | ||
| I will have a great time in any city for a night or two. | ||
| Well, I think now in particular, because of the internet, there's more aware, cool, sort of in-tune people everywhere. | ||
| It used to be, like back in the 80s, when you would go do gigs on the road, You're in the middle of bumfuck Ohio. | ||
| It could be a terrible gig. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| No references. | ||
| Everybody's dumb and drunk. | ||
| It could be horrible. | ||
| But somewhere in the 2000s, that really changed. | ||
| You start to see when you go on the road, Kind of go to anywhere. | ||
| And if they're finding about you online and then, you know, they're finding out that your tickets are for sale online, then they go there. | ||
| Like, these people are tuned into the world. | ||
| They just happen to live in Lexington, Kentucky. | ||
| That's a great city. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I love Lexington, dude. | ||
| That place is fun. | ||
| I've had some good times there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or Louisville. | |
| The racetrack. | ||
| I want to go to the Kentucky Derby. | ||
| Have you been to Keeneland in Lexington, Kentucky? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| What's Keeneland? | ||
| It's like their horse racing thing. | ||
| You bet on the horses, and everyone is so well dressed, like seersucker suits. | ||
| That was my opening line in the city. | ||
| I was the only person there that didn't look like a villain in Django Unchained. | ||
| They're all so well dressed with their mint julep and their drink, and I was like, I fucking love this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is cool. | |
| Not to mention, like, the bourbon in that town is so fun. | ||
| You just get... | ||
| You just get fucked up and you feel good. | ||
| It's like a nice quality. | ||
| You go to like a random pub there and you look at the bourbon menu and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| There's like a diner menu. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like Kentucky. | ||
| Kentucky's great. | ||
| Underrated place. | ||
| I've never been to the Derby, but everybody tells me it's a trip. | ||
| I read Hunter Thompson's. | ||
| The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved. | ||
| Have you ever read that? | ||
| I haven't. | ||
| Fucking amazing. | ||
| It's good? | ||
| Great piece. | ||
| Yeah, it's just talking about how fuck these rich monsters are there, like, letting their hair down and getting crazy at this horse race derby with all their nutty hats. | ||
| And, you know, the women have to wear those bizarre hats. | ||
| But it's a scene. | ||
| It's a scene. | ||
| I have a buddy who goes every year. | ||
| He's like, you gotta go. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| So his wife go and they get dressed up. | ||
| They do the whole thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I love. | ||
| If it's new to me, I want to do it. | ||
| Did you say formula? | ||
| You were saying formula in racing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, yeah. | |
| I just started watching it a little bit, and it's here now, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should come. | ||
| You should come to the weekend at the club when it's in October. | ||
| It's really fun? | ||
| Yeah, if the weekend's not booked already, I'll find out if it's booked. | ||
| Yeah, dude, it's amazing. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| First of all, they're so fast when you're sitting right next to the track. | ||
| You're like, holy shit, they're going 250 miles an hour. | ||
| Oh, dude, I know. | ||
| I had a friend who was driving me, he's a very wealthy friend I have, and he was driving me in a McLaren, and he was showing off in LA, going fast, and I was like, what the fuck are you trying to kill me? | ||
| He's like, dude, we were going 50. But it feels like you're going 150 in those things. | ||
| Especially if someone knows how to drive. | ||
| Oh, dude, he's good. | ||
| I mean, but those... | ||
| Those racers are fucking incredible. | ||
| They lose like 20 pounds a match. | ||
| Yeah, it's nuts. | ||
| It's super physical. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's super physical and it's all about their reaction times. | ||
| I mean, those guys, the G-forces they're experiencing going around those turns, they have to have stiff necks. | ||
| They have to have stout necks just to handle the forces. | ||
| I respect it a lot. | ||
| It's one of the things I didn't really get till I watched that documentary Senna on that racer. | ||
| And then I was like, wow, this is like knowing the angles and knowing when to turn and just it's all any sport. | ||
| If you're thinking you fucking lose. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's a basketball analyst, Walt Frazier, who would always be like, he's aiming his shot. | ||
| You know, you can't be aiming your shot. | ||
| You got to trust the muscle memory. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| Anytime you think in sports, it's fucking over. | ||
| I was just reading that Agassi book. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I didn't realize how good... | ||
| My friend Matt Ruby was like, you gotta read the Agassi book. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| He's so fucking... | ||
| He's a good writer. | ||
| I'm sure he had help, but it's well-written. | ||
| And he's just talking about... | ||
| He's so in his head, and he's mad. | ||
| He's playing someone like Pete Sampras, who's like, I wish I was this dull. | ||
| This guy's like a brick wall. | ||
| He doesn't feel shit. | ||
| Meanwhile, Agassi's going to see Broadway shows. | ||
| He's an emo guy. | ||
| He's an interesting dude. | ||
| He's so angry. | ||
| All these guys had abusive dads. | ||
| But he's so rebellious and angry his dad's forcing him to play tennis that he's at this tennis compound. | ||
| They're forcing him to... | ||
| Get better and he's crushing everybody because he's a prodigy, but he's doing it in like mascara and a pink mohawk and an earring. | ||
| It's like a fuck you. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I mean, he's such an interesting guy. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I just didn't I don't know tennis that well, but I I mean I respect the fuck at any Any sport that, like, you turn on, you're like, this is kind of great to watch. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Tennis is insanely difficult to do at a high level. | ||
| When you watch those guys moving and volleying back and forth and all the different setups. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Angles and speed and, like, mind games. | ||
| Because you're on an island, man. | ||
| You're not, like, it's not a team sport where you get, like, a high five every once in a while. | ||
| You're alone. | ||
| That's why they're, like, cursing to themselves. | ||
| Like, you see McEnroe, like, breaking a rack, and you're like, I fucking get that. | ||
| And you have to be in insane physical shape because you can't get tired and not go for the ball. | ||
| And the heat and the different courts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Clay and grass. | ||
| Clay is so weird. | ||
| Oh, it's the weirdest. | ||
| That's a weird court. | ||
| You're playing on clay? | ||
| It rains? | ||
| You're like, so it's mud? | ||
| Like, what are we doing here? | ||
| This is so fucking weird. | ||
| But, yeah, no, there's a story about him when he was nine, and his dad is such a fucking grifter that his dad, Jim Brown, the football player, sees him as a kid, and he's just, like, looking for a game for money at this country club, and he's like, let's... | ||
| Let's play someone and everyone says no and Agassi's dad's like he'll play you for money and it's like he's fucking nine you're you're pimping out your kid for money against the best running back maybe ever and he's like no I'm not gonna play your kid for money and he's like I'll bet my house that my kid will beat you and Jim Brown's like I don't need a house how much money you want to play for and his dad goes how about 10 grand it's like they're life savings he's putting this on his son who's nine years old and And, you know, then he sees Agassi hit, the dad goes to get the money, and he's like, fuck, this kid's kind of good. | ||
| And he goes, how about I just play you, you know, for fun, and then we'll decide how much. | ||
| Agassi whoops his ass, like 6'3", 6'3", and he goes, I'll play for 500. Agassi whoops his ass, takes him, he's nine! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Against a fucking Hall of Fame athlete! | ||
| And his dad... | ||
| It's like his dad did it. | ||
| Imagine, like, you're thinking about your family's mortgage and your siblings and their future, and you're like, if I lose, we're fucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Imagine doing that to a kid, like, of course he's angry and broken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We talked about Tiger Woods before, but, I mean, any athlete who, like... | ||
| Is that good? | ||
| It's like a porn star. | ||
| You had a fucked up dad, basically. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you get pushed that hard, I mean, if you get pushed that hard to be the best of the best as a child, that means you're missing everything else. | ||
| If you want to be the best of the best, there's no way you're going to birthday parties. | ||
| There's no way you're sitting at home and watching cartoons. | ||
| No, you're going to training in the morning. | ||
| You're getting coaching. | ||
| Weirdly though, Hitler, good childhood. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he was one of the best. | ||
| Also, heavy meth user. | ||
| I think meth can erase all good parenting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All good parenting goes by the wayside when meth gets to the equation. | ||
| Some people are just... | ||
| I bet one of the best. | ||
| I mean, evil motherfuckers, obviously. | ||
| But, yeah, some people... | ||
| It's weird when there's a serial killer and he's just in it for the love of the game. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because every once in a while they're like, no, he had a good childhood. | ||
| Didn't Ted Kaczynski have a good childhood? | ||
| I think he did. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he didn't? | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| Ted Kaczynski... | ||
| He was like a nerd. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He had a bad thing happen to him when he was a baby. | ||
| He was sick, and then they took him away from his parents, and he was brought to a hospital. | ||
| We had no physical contact for months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, for months and months. | ||
| It was a part of the documentary on Netflix about him. | ||
| His brother talks about it. | ||
| And then, after that... | ||
| And his brother was a good guy, though. | ||
| Yeah, his brother was a really good guy. | ||
| His brother turned him in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, he was... | ||
| A sociopath from the time he was getting no love at all as a baby for months and months at a time. | ||
| I forget the length of it, whatever this illness, but they basically kept him in a crib. | ||
| And when he cried, that was it. | ||
| No one comforted him. | ||
| No one picked him up. | ||
| But that's what my sister did to her baby. | ||
| You're making him independent. | ||
| Never, ever. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Zero minutes in any day was anybody touching him for weeks and weeks and weeks and months and months and months on end. | ||
| And his brother said he came out fucked up from that. | ||
| He's in Harvard. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
| And they put him through the LSD studies of Harvard. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Which is also some CIA, MK Ultra shit. | ||
| Wormwood, that shit. | ||
| So they put him through these LSD studies at Harvard, and part of the studies were humiliation. | ||
| And like to see how he responds to like severe humiliation So they should just scientists like look at this fucking pussy I don't remember what they did like how they did it, but it was like coordinated organized humiliation and just Psychological warfare just to see what kind of response it has in this fragile now We know yeah, we know we know so then he goes to Berkeley becomes a professor and Saves up his money just so the woods live in the woods and kill everybody's making technology and Yeah, what a fucking weird guy. | ||
| Meanwhile, he has a point. | ||
| Like, his point was technology is going to destroy the human race and it's going to eventually take over us. | ||
| And he was right. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| It's happening right now. | ||
| He was right. | ||
| He could have gotten his message out in a different way, probably. | ||
| Maybe he's a little heavy-handed in this brooch. | ||
| Some of the writing, I'm like, this motherfucker was onto something. | ||
| He was undeniably brilliant. | ||
| But in the documentary, his brother talks about, say if he asked a girl on a date and the girl said no, he would just write the most evil, vicious letters to her and harass her. | ||
| He was a crazy person before the LSD studies. | ||
| And then the LSD studies, they just cracked him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn, yeah. | ||
| No, I remember there was a story about him, like, he made, like, a little, like, he used his intellect, he made some kind of, like, firecracker to show off to a girl in high school, and she was, like, freaked out by it. | ||
| And I'm like, holy shit, what a defining moment for a guy who becomes pure evil and uses explosives. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Kills scientists and technology makers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird part of our history is those experiments that they did on people. | ||
| And I'd like to know how many of them turned out real bad. | ||
| Like how many of those people that were involved in the Harvard LSD studies went on to become psychopaths? | ||
| How many lives got ruined because of that? | ||
| Well, who was the guy? | ||
| Errol Morris made the documentary on Netflix about the guy who was in the LSD. I think it was his dad. | ||
| No, someone's dad was in the LSD studies and they absolutely threw him out a window. | ||
| Like he knew too much and they threw him out a fucking window. | ||
| Yeah, 100% they do that. | ||
| And it's like, imagine you just grow up and you're like, my dad was murdered by the CIA. I mean, it's pretty fucked up. | ||
| It's very fucked up. | ||
| You want a cigar? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You like cigars? | |
| I'm not a big cigar guy. | ||
| No? | ||
| No, but I'll keep drinking with you. | ||
| Alright, I'm just thinking about popping a cigar. | ||
| You want to be rude? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck it. | |
| If you have one, I'll have one. | ||
| Alright, let's go. | ||
| What do you got here? | ||
| Project MK Ultra, did CIA scientist Frank Olsen jump or was he pushed? | ||
| Yeah, he's probably pushed. | ||
| I mean, it's always one where it's like, was there a note? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And even if there was a note, they could have fudged that, but... | ||
| The official verdict was suicide. | ||
| Oh, he fell from the window of his Manhattan hotel room in 1953, died on the sidewalk in his undershirt and shorts at about 2 a.m., The official verdict was suicide, but a second autopsy raised questions, although not proof of a possible homicide. | ||
| Olsen's family and many others have been searching for answers in a hall of mirrors. | ||
| Dude, I had a woman jumped out the window in front of me once, splat, like 10 feet in front of me in Manhattan. | ||
| I was going home. | ||
| I was in sixth grade, and I was trying to get the bus, and I'm with my friend. | ||
| I stopped to take out my MetroCard and right in front of me. | ||
| She could have killed you. | ||
| I mean, if I didn't stop, I'd be dead. | ||
| It's crazy to think about. | ||
| You're just so... | ||
| Your mind protects you. | ||
| It's really fucked up when you experience something like that because I wasn't scared. | ||
| I was just kind of like, oh shit. | ||
| I was like, oh shit, there's a movie going on or someone's shooting a movie. | ||
| You don't accept it as real. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So you thought it was a fake body. | ||
| Yeah, but it got me out of a history test the next day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did she look like when she hit the ground? | |
| Face first, didn't die instantly. | ||
| That's the one thing I remember. | ||
| Face first. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Yeah, she... | ||
| Face first, she was mumbling to herself. | ||
| That was the most fucked up thing. | ||
| After she hit the ground? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| It didn't kill her instantly. | ||
| She muttered something like, I'm cold, and my friend's mom saw it, and she went into a store and got her a blanket. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| How far did she fall from? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do we know? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Probably, like, I would guess at least eight stories would be my guess, but, like, maybe five. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, my God, when she lived... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Well, not in the end she didn't live, but she didn't die instantly. | ||
| Oh, god damn. | ||
| But I remember I called my friend's mom, who was like a major narcissist after this, and I just wanted to talk to someone because my parents weren't home. | ||
| And I was like trying to tell him, and the mom just like picked up the phone and talked about herself for like 20 minutes straight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No way. | |
| And then she's like, how was your day? | ||
| I was like, I just saw someone die. | ||
| And she's like, all right, well, Elliot's not home right now. | ||
| Like, that was it? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It was a weird fucking call. | ||
| Put that lady in the LSD studies. | ||
| See what we can do with her. | ||
| That should be a punishment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I think... | |
| It shouldn't be... | ||
| Yeah, it should be... | ||
| We're talking again about, like, this kid on the roof with Trump. | ||
| Like, that's the kind... | ||
| You find someone who's all fucked up from life Can I do another whiskey too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| That's a very specific kind of person. | ||
| You know, it's hard to make a real, a total narcissist like your friend's mom, who you just tell them about someone jumping off of a fucking roof in front of you and almost killing you and splattering in front of you, and they don't even care? | ||
| I think she just didn't know what to say. | ||
| I don't think it was malicious, the way she's like, oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| I don't think she meant bad, but I think she just wasn't equipped to give me anything. | ||
| Some people aren't equipped to have real conversations. | ||
| They just talk. | ||
| They just talk and talk at you. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But if you find someone who's really fucked up, like if you were a part of a secret program, you would probably kind of want to be going to visit schools to see if you could find someone who's on the edge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Recruit them. | ||
| Especially if you're planning on killing them anyway. | ||
| They knew that if this kid was gonna go on the roof and shoot the president, they could talk him into going on the roof. | ||
| Let's assume. | ||
| Not even this scenario. | ||
| Let's not be crazy. | ||
| Let's just say, if you wanted to set up a scenario, we're gonna have someone assassinate the president. | ||
| You get some guy whose life is a fucking complete and total disaster. | ||
| You either hypnotize him, or you mentor him, you give him psychiatric drugs, you do a bunch of things, you get him to do it, and you know that once he gets on top of that roof and shoots the president, everyone's gonna shoot him. | ||
| And it's nice and clean. | ||
| They never let those guys live. | ||
| My question is, of course, but my question is, do you want him actually to kill Trump in this scenario? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They definitely wanted him to kill Trump. | ||
| There was also an Iranian... | ||
| Don't you think... | ||
| I find it a little irresponsible. | ||
| Is this his gun? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I was willing that you guys could keep talking. | ||
| Sorry I interrupted, but I can't find a picture of the gun. | ||
| I'm so put off when people like, you know, Lauren Boebert and shit are like being like... | ||
| Biden hired him to do this, and you're like, stop trying to pour gas in the fire. | ||
| Yeah, how do you know? | ||
| We are so fucking lucky he's not dead. | ||
| So lucky. | ||
| The country, like, I believe, and I, part of being maybe an entertainer is like, I get to see a unified crowd. | ||
| That's part of the beauty of being able to tour as a comic is like, I get to see a room of people laughing together and I always hate when comics are like going out of their way to divide a room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I feel the same way, I mean more so even about politicians who I'm like, why are you trying, why are you aiming for chaos? | ||
| Like, you really can kind of unite people if you give a good speech. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You really can. | ||
| Like, you really can inspire people and unite people with the right words. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the right, like, the right real feeling behind it where it really resonates with people, and they go, well, you know what? | ||
| He's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's right. | |
| We should do it differently. | ||
| We should... | ||
| We should relax a little. | ||
| Get our shit to you. | ||
| Which is really funny. | ||
| After the assassination attempt, Biden is like, we have to put aside our differences. | ||
| You were just saying it was Hitler! | ||
| I know, but also, they made a big deal that Biden called Trump, and he was like, there's no place for this. | ||
| I'm like, murder? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| There should not be a place for assassinating people. | ||
| There also should be no place for you using so much hyperbolic statements that you're saying that your opponent, if they win, it's the death of democracy. | ||
| Because they kept saying that over and over again. | ||
| Both sides do that. | ||
| They all do that. | ||
| Both sides do that. | ||
| He's going to be a dictator. | ||
| He's going to be a tyrant. | ||
| It's the death of democracy. | ||
| He's going to put people in camps. | ||
| It all started when we started comparing every politician to Hitler, because it gave us nowhere to go. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| Every cable news show, they thrive the way politicians are trying to thrive now. | ||
| It's like chaos. | ||
| It's like you are poisoning... | ||
| Every audience member who watches this shit. | ||
| Cable news is literally they're pouring poison down your throat. | ||
| And the way they're set up, they kind of have to do that because otherwise they're not going to survive. | ||
| When Trump was out of office, they were dipping like a motherfucker. | ||
| Huge dip. | ||
| Because he was giving them content. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fear content. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's not a good time for being informed. | ||
| It's a very confusing time in terms of understanding exactly what's going on in the world. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| It's just real weird. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck is happening. | ||
| It's no official reports of things and there's so many different things that are popping off. | ||
| There's so much going on in Ukraine and in Israel and it's like, what's going on in America? | ||
| And somebody just tried to kill the president and like, you see how- I couldn't believe that shit. | ||
| I was like, this can't be fucking- Can't be rude. | ||
| When did the world turn into the World Wrestling Federation? | ||
| I was in Italy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All of it. | |
| I was in Italy when it was going on. | ||
| With the Trump thing on the roof? | ||
| Yeah, cop went on the roof, he pointed a gun at the cop, and the cop jumped off the roof. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| You never see that in like an Eastwood movie. | ||
| Yeah, the cop was like, I'm getting out of here. | ||
| The cop jumped up and going, fuck this shit. | ||
| Just says he fired eight times at Trump? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
| This then also says his father reported it missing. | ||
| With his rifle. | ||
| Yeah, the father made a phone call. | ||
| Did he give him the... | ||
| So I know it was the dad's gun. | ||
| Do they know if it was a gift or if it was he borrowed it or stole it? | ||
| It says the son missing along with his rifle. | ||
| So that was his son's rifle. | ||
| No, it says, well, it's hard to say what he's saying there, because it could be saying the son was missing with his rifle, but it could be saying the son was missing with his son's rifle. | ||
| See how it says it? | ||
| Crook's father reports his son missing along with his rifle. | ||
| That could either be interpreted as Crook's father's rifle or the kid's rifle. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| No, yeah, you're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There were over a dozen firearms found in the Crook's household. | ||
| So there was a lot of guns in the house. | ||
| How would you like to have that be your fucking kid? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They used DNA to identify him? | ||
| Well, you could use a photo. | ||
| I saw his face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But no, they said that FBI used DNA to figure it out. | |
| Oh, to make sure it's him? | ||
| And they're not giving any explanation on exactly how they did that. | ||
| And people were like thinking... | ||
| How they ran a DNA test? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They might have used like DNA.com or Ancestry.com or something like that. | |
| Oh, they definitely probably used those fucking things. | ||
| All those databases, we're all compromised. | ||
| I shouldn't have done it. | ||
| I shouldn't have done it, too. | ||
| You did it, too? | ||
| Yeah, I did it. | ||
| Why'd we do it? | ||
| A drunk girl in a bar convinced me to do it, and I was like, yeah, I was hammered. | ||
| I was like, yeah, I want to know how fucking Ashkenazi Jew I am. | ||
| Like, who gives a shit? | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Like, clearly I have some Turkish in me with these eyebrows. | ||
| I know what I am, basically. | ||
| But she was like, no, you need to know, and she did it on the spot in a bar. | ||
| She ordered it for me, and then I was like, I'm a fucking idiot. | ||
| Well, you gave away all your DNA to China, and now they can make a bioweapon that specifically targets you. | ||
| That's a new thing that they can do now. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Well, certain people have certain genetic, like, people are different, right? | ||
| Like, there's certain people where certain genes impact them differently. | ||
| Like, for instance, the reason why some black people get sickle cell anemia is because their family has a history, their ancestors have a history Of protection against malaria. | ||
| So because they've survived malaria, somehow or another that gene manifests itself in sickle cell anemia, right? | ||
| And like people from certain parts of the world have genes that are more associated with alcoholism or have genes that are more associated with certain... | ||
| So if they could find like a particular vulnerability that you may have or that certain races may have even, you can create a bioweapon specifically, and this is all theoretical of course, but specifically to target an individual person. | ||
| But don't they kind of already know if that's your tendency, what race you are? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I think it's probably really... | ||
| Like, some people think they're one thing, and they find out they're not. | ||
| They do a Woody Allen film festival in New York and just nuke it, and I'm like, fuck! | ||
| I walked right into that one. | ||
| I think... | ||
| But for the biological thing, I think it's like... | ||
| There's very specific things like you're different than me and and I'm different than Jamie and there could be a Certain biological weapon that only targets Jamie's DNA and they can use it on him See if they could find out whatever the fuck that is now Because they're they're talking about this in terms of like the vulnerability of selling our entire DNA database Because apparently if you signed up for one of those, | ||
| it's either DNA.com or Ancestry.com or 23andMe. | ||
| One of those sold their whole database. | ||
| By the way, you get the alerts where they're like, we found another family member for you. | ||
| I'm like, I'm good. | ||
| We're tapped out here. | ||
| I'm busy. | ||
| I'm about to change my number anyway. | ||
| I'm in a blended family as is. | ||
| I have step-siblings. | ||
| I'm like, let's cap it here. | ||
| That's enough of bringing strangers into your life. | ||
| What's funny is they tell you random shit on those sites where they're like, you prefer salty to sweet. | ||
| And I'm like, holy shit, that is true. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But then sometimes you feel like you're talking to a chick who just knows your astrological sign, and I'm just dumb, and I'm like, yeah, I guess I am. | ||
| But there's certain things like- I guess I am cheerful. | ||
| The taste of cilantro. | ||
| Some people, it tastes like soap. | ||
| Do you like it or not? | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people don't like- What does it say, Jim? | ||
| It's potentially hypothetical, but this is what people inside the government have said about it. | ||
| That's what it is, where you can actually take someone's DNA, their medical profile, and you can target a biological weapon that will kill that person, or take them off the battlefield and make them inoperable. | ||
| You can't have a discussion about this without talking about the privacy and commercial data and the protection of commercial data because expectations of privacy have degraded over the last 20 years. | ||
| People will rapidly spit into a cup and send it to 23andMe and get really interesting data about their background and guess what? | ||
| Their DNA is now owned by a private company. | ||
| It can be sold off with very little intellectual property protection or privacy protection and we don't have legal and regulatory regimes that deal with that. | ||
| The data is actually going to be procured and collected by our adversaries for the development of these systems. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| We're all fucking stupid. | ||
| This is flat-out Alex Jones stuff. | ||
| Like, if you'd heard this five years ago, like, Alex, relax. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're finding your own personal DNA, and they're developing weapons specifically designed to target you. | |
| I'll say for myself, they don't need to do much research. | ||
| You could take me out pretty fucking easy. | ||
| I think it's just... | ||
| To know that they have them for everybody. | ||
| Anybody that might be a bit of a problem. | ||
| It's creepy as fuck. | ||
| Oh, it's very creepy. | ||
| Even just like the... | ||
| Was it the Cambridge Analytica stuff? | ||
| Just the stuff they have on you. | ||
| You're like, yeah, this is not good. | ||
| It's just the tip of the iceberg. | ||
| Yeah, but then I also think of it in terms of podcasts. | ||
| We're like, if we log this many hours, we're not going to get canceled because there's too much shit to pull from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So I look at it the same way. | ||
| I'm like, if you have this much of everybody... | ||
| Maybe we're all okay. | ||
| Well, think about podcasts. | ||
| We've said awful shit. | ||
| We have said awful shit in these little clips, but we've also said not awful shit. | ||
| Way more. | ||
| Thousands and thousands of hours, and we're comedians. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So people go, yeah, but what was the whole conversation like? | ||
| Why did Shane say that? | ||
| Why did Joe say that? | ||
| Why'd they say that? | ||
| Well, it's because people now get it. | ||
| Why did Shane call me a dirty Jew? | ||
| Because the Knicks beat the Sixers. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Suck it, Shane. | ||
| Sorry, dude. | ||
| Go Knicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the moment, it had to be okay. | |
| But I think people realize that now. | ||
| I saw him two nights ago in Nashville. | ||
| It's like a video game, getting away from Shane. | ||
| Because you can't get away unscathed. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I'm so hungover. | ||
| I'd done Kill Tony the night before. | ||
| I was in Nashville. | ||
| The big boss. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just like trying to get away from him. | ||
| He's like, you need one more drink to kill that hangover. | ||
| I'm like, I'm good. | ||
| But then he talks between him and Joe DeRosa. | ||
| I'm like, this is like the two bosses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I'm like, Joe, you're 46. For fuck's sake, stop doing shots. | ||
| You're smoking Marlboro Reds and doing shots. | ||
| You're 40 fucking six. | ||
| Yeah, and he's not a healthy 46 either. | ||
| He's not like doing marathons. | ||
| When we're in here with do Protect Our Park, Shane's always the one with the beer bong. | ||
| He's like, dude, it's time. | ||
| It's time. | ||
| You see that big fucking meaty hand reaching across? | ||
| The problem with guys like Shane, for me, is I still enjoy drinking, and I like the buzz that builds gradually. | ||
| I don't like just getting super fucked up. | ||
| I like getting fucked up over the course of the night, but I like building to it. | ||
| I like the build. | ||
| And Shane drinks like a 19-year-old. | ||
| He does, but he drinks Bud Lights, which is the calculated move if you're going to drink a lot. | ||
| That's the Stanhope move, too. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Stanhope does cocktails now, but for the longest time, Stanhope drank light beer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, I like a light beer because I can just start it early, just keep a nice slow burn. | |
| Dude, you're pretty good at impressions. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| If I talk to him, if I'm around him, I can do him better. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I was such a fan of his. | ||
| I still am, but I remember those old albums, like Something to Take the Edge Off and shit. | ||
| Oh, he's great. | ||
| Oh my God, that Bobby Barnett story, Doug Stanhope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It's just a I fuck the chick story, but it's not. | ||
| It's got layers, and there's Henry Phillips playing the bass in the background. | ||
| Stanhope is like, and he's so cool. | ||
| He's such a cool fucking guy. | ||
| He really is that guy. | ||
| That's not an act. | ||
| He is like, Attell always says he's the closest we have to Bill Hicks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's a different thing, you know? | ||
| He's just... | ||
| He's his own thing, you know? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| For sure. | ||
| He's Doug Stanhope, you know? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| He inspired a lot of Stanhope wannabes. | ||
| Oh, dude, the mics? | ||
| So I'm a different generation of you in stand-up, but, like, I remember the guys who were getting... | ||
| Like, when I was coming up, the guys getting ripped off at the mics were Mitch Hedberg, Dane Cook, a little bit of Burr, a little... | ||
| There's some Burr... | ||
| I mean, obviously Lou... | ||
| A lot of Attell. | ||
| I mean, I'm one of them. | ||
| Let's fucking be honest. | ||
| Like... | ||
| We all know who we... | ||
| I remember Norman and I would laugh talking about... | ||
| He's like, I'm like a Norm Macdonald, Jerry Seinfeld thing. | ||
| And I was like, I fucking was obsessed with Dangerfield, Natal. | ||
| So it was like, you know, and then... | ||
| Do you see the handwritten notes we have in the green room? | ||
| I love them. | ||
| Dude, I love the green room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that incredible? | |
| It's so cool. | ||
| No, I love comedy history shit like that. | ||
| But those are from his wife. | ||
| His wife gave them to us. | ||
| I talked to her on the phone. | ||
| After Whitney's podcast, we were doing the same show. | ||
| And she's like, do you want to talk to... | ||
| She knows I love Rodney, so she's like, do you want to... | ||
| Do you want to talk to Joan Dangerfield? | ||
| I was like, yes! | ||
| So she calls me, or she calls Joan Dangerfield, and Joan picks up the phone, and I'm like, oh, I loved your husband so much. | ||
| Back to School was my favorite movie ever, and I love his stand-up, his Carson appearances. | ||
| I'm obsessed with Dangerfield. | ||
| And she's like, you want to hear a Dangerfield joke no one's ever heard? | ||
| And I said, Yeah. | ||
| When he was going under for a big operation, he was like, fuck, I might not make it, and if I don't have my mind, I don't want to be alive. | ||
| That's all I have. | ||
| I'm a comic. | ||
| And he comes out of it, and the doctor goes, did you cough anything up? | ||
| And he goes, yeah, 500 last week to a whore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He woke up with a fucking joke. | ||
| So cool. | ||
| I love shit. | ||
| Back to School to me is like the best comfort watch ever because it's like, it's only every character serves to set up his stand-up. | ||
| His wife's like, you're impossible. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| And you're easy. | ||
| It's all just perfect fucking jokes. | ||
| You're tall and fat. | ||
| Yeah, well you're short and ugly. | ||
| You remember the scene with, I think about the scene because it's been ripped off so much, but when they're getting, it's like Burt Young is so funny in that movie too, but when they're getting drunk at the bar, it's like young Robert Downey Jr. who's like hilarious in it too, and they're bringing them pictures, bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out, then bring us one every ten. | ||
| Like, you can't be more fun than that, you know? | ||
| No, he was great. | ||
| I saw him live when I was a security guard. | ||
| Whoa, where? | ||
| I was a security guard at Great Woods. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Great Woods is a concert place in Mansfield, Massachusetts. | ||
| And I was working security there. | ||
| And I was 19 years old. | ||
| And I got to see a lot of people there. | ||
| I got to see Bill Cosby there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I bet that was a good show. | ||
| It was a good show. | ||
| I saw Bon Jovi there. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I was barely paying attention to Bill Cosby because I was trying to pick up this girl. | ||
| I was doing a lot of chatting. | ||
| I missed a lot of the comedy part. | ||
| But this was before I decided I was going to be a comedian. | ||
| Good for you having to work to pick up a woman at a Cosby show. | ||
| You said a good example for the future. | ||
| So I was backstage. | ||
| There was this back area and Rodney was back there and Rodney was wearing a bathrobe. | ||
| He had nothing on but a bathrobe. | ||
| Just naked in a bathrobe with slippers and he goes on stage like that. | ||
| That's how he'd go on stage. | ||
| He'd go on stage balls-ass naked with a bathrobe on and slippers and just murder. | ||
| So he went through this phase of his career towards the end where he would go on stage in a bathrobe and he's just balls naked with a bathrobe on. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| And he would be backstage hanging out with people. | ||
| His balls would be hanging out. | ||
| He didn't even care. | ||
| Apparently he had this giant dick and these huge balls. | ||
| And they'd just be hanging out. | ||
| And Rodney would just be smoking joints and hanging out backstage with everybody. | ||
| Once your 80-plus is kind of adorable. | ||
| 80-plus and super wealthy and famous. | ||
| And he's doing this enormous theater. | ||
| It's like this place where Bon Jovi does. | ||
| In Mansfield, Massachusetts. | ||
| It's a huge performing arts place. | ||
| He was the best, man. | ||
| My mom got me a DVD set of his for my birthday when I was a kid, and it was like, I loved it. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Yeah, look, see? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| See, he would hang out with... | ||
| He's got a fucking sock over his dick. | ||
| And he's just got the serious face on. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| Oh, dude, look at the back-to-school robe, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fucking perfect. | |
| Dude, the score for that movie, too, Danny Elfman, like... | ||
| It's so cheerful. | ||
| But, yeah, he... | ||
| On the DVD set, it's kind of sad. | ||
| There's a set when he's really old, and he's in Vegas... | ||
| And they're not good. | ||
| The crowd's not good. | ||
| He's kind of struggling. | ||
| But there's a moment where he just is like, fuck it, and just rattles off so many in a row, so many great one-liners. | ||
| And they start to pick up, and they start giving an applause break, and he just pauses. | ||
| He goes, I know a lot of good fucking jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's such a triumphant moment. | ||
| You're like 80 years old. | ||
| He's just like fuck you. | ||
| I'm a store. | ||
| I'm still a pro I met him at the laugh factory like many many years later after I'd seen him when I was a you know security guard I was a just Just moved to Hollywood like 94 and he was there and he was still doing like a little bit of stand-up and he showed up and And I met him there with his wife. | ||
| I don't know if it's the same wife. | ||
| He was always moving around. | ||
| But he was, you know, it was interesting just to see him. | ||
| It was just weird. | ||
| Was he cool? | ||
| Yeah, he was real friendly. | ||
| Hey, what do you know? | ||
| You know, it was like... | ||
| He used to get fucked up with a comic strip. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Because his club, Dangerfields, in the city, they'd be like, why are you always doing drugs here? | ||
| He's like, what am I gonna do, drugs at my club? | ||
| You know, it's like, fuck you, I'm doing drugs here. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| I mean, that was... | ||
| I never really played Dangerfields. | ||
| It was like a bad club by the time I came around. | ||
| It was a bad club when I played it. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| Might have just always been a bad club. | ||
| It was always a bad club. | ||
| It was a good club when he did the Young Comedian special from there, when he did Rodney's Young Comedian special. | ||
| Those were great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing. | |
| Dude, I remember the lineup. | ||
| Dude, it's like Robert Schimmel, Bill Hicks. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Lenny Clark. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bill Hicks had a set on there that I was like, this is fucking epic. | ||
| Robert Schimmel, I still remember the joke he opened with because it's such a good fucking joke where he opens with this joke. | ||
| He goes, I heard a guy got arrested for animal necrophilia. | ||
| How do you plead for that? | ||
| I'm sorry, Your Honor. | ||
| I thought the cat was alive while I was fucking it. | ||
| That's a, chew open with a fucking a dead cat joke and crush? | ||
| No, he was a beast. | ||
| I love Robert Schimmel's stuff. | ||
| Yeah, Robert Schimmel was amazing. | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| Those old comedian specials really got me into comedy. | ||
| Those were like really... | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| They were the way you found out about, like Rick Dukumann. | ||
| That's the way you found out about people. | ||
| Oh, he was hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, he was an L.A. guy that for whatever reason never made it. | ||
| You know, but he was funny on the young comedian special. | ||
| I was like, man, this guy's good. | ||
| I remember those lineups. | ||
| They were just fucking beasts. | ||
| They were all killers. | ||
| They were good comics in there. | ||
| Fucking Dice coming out with the smoke. | ||
| Bob Nelson with the football helmet on. | ||
| I remember that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dom Herrera. | ||
| Oh, I love him. | ||
| Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| So many comics came out of those Young Comedian specials. | ||
| Rodney was the gatekeeper. | ||
| He really cared about comedy, and he really wanted young comics to get ahead. | ||
| You're doing that, dude. | ||
| Yeah, I learned a lot of it from him. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why having his handwritten notes on the wall of the green room means a lot to me. | ||
| Because I kind of think about it the same way. | ||
| I know about so many comedians because Rodney Dangerfield was generous and he wanted people to know about great comics. | ||
| He didn't feel threatened by them. | ||
| He wanted them to do well. | ||
| I still remember his intro for Bill Hicks on that special where he goes, This next comic, he's so far ahead of his time, his parents haven't even met yet. | ||
| Give it up for Bill Hicks. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you found jokes in the intros? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's how good he was. | ||
| And it's accurate. | ||
| But you're also, like, you created this place. | ||
| It must feel cool to see these young comics, like... | ||
| Finding themselves. | ||
| It's like fucking cool. | ||
| Yeah, it is cool. | ||
| It's real cool. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| I mean, it's selfish too. | ||
| You build a good culture. | ||
| It is so similar to sports where like you see there can be a talented rookie, but he's on a team with no good vets. | ||
| Mm-hmm And he ain't gonna be good. | ||
| Because you need someone to guide you. | ||
| I was very fortunate that I had good comics looking out for me when I was a young comic. | ||
| And the culture in New York is also strong. | ||
| I mean, like, you know, Colin, Quinn, and Dave Attell, when I was young, were very like, oh, this is how you be a comedian. | ||
| You keep turning over new shit. | ||
| I'm on the early shows a lot at the Comedy Cellar, and I'm usually following either Colin or Jim Norton, and they're so prolific. | ||
| They're just always taking chances. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They give a fuck, but they don't give a fuck in the right way. | ||
| Where they're like, if this doesn't work, I'm gonna make it work. | ||
| They're doing, like, Jim's new shit is so interesting. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I mean, but it's all, like, veteran leadership, and it all bleeds down alike. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then we want to do that for the next generation. | ||
| Like, I want the, I want, I'm excited when I see funny young comics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| There's young comics at the cellar, like Maddie Wiener is a fucking killer. | ||
| Like, she's a young comic who's, you know, there's like Ethan Simmons Patterson, Daniel Simonson, they're like young fucking killers at the cellar, and you're like, oh fuck, I used to be the guy who would go up and kill, and now I'm like, fuck, I gotta turn over jokes. | ||
| And then they're going to become like, you know, it's all good for the culture, you know? | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's good for the culture and it's good for us. | ||
| It's good for you selfishly to be generous because those people that are coming up, the better they do, the more it's going to fuel you and you're going to do better. | ||
| It's good for everybody. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| It keeps everybody strong. | ||
| And that's the club. | ||
| I mean, like, last night we're hanging out with Ron White, this fucking Brian Simpson, Tony Hinchgrove. | ||
| I've never met him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm a fan. | |
| Oh, he's the best. | ||
| He's such a nice guy. | ||
| He was very nice. | ||
| He made fun of me for being a Knicks fan, but other than that, he was pretty cool. | ||
| That kid Ari Matty from Estonia opened up. | ||
| He's a fucking killer. | ||
| I talked to him for a while. | ||
| Yeah, we chatted for a bit. | ||
| Fucking killer. | ||
| Super smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and he's one of these young, hungry dogs that's coming up, and there's a gang of them at that club. | ||
| There's people moving there from all over the place like Tyler Fisher and all these other people. | ||
| Tony Cusillis. | ||
| Yeah, Tony Cusillis. | ||
| He opened for me at Hyenas the weekend I got banned there. | ||
| That's where we met. | ||
| You got banned? | ||
| I've been banned from a couple clubs. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did you do? | |
| My act! | ||
| That's what my agent goes. | ||
| What did you do? | ||
| My jokes? | ||
| No, they were starting the show like an hour late every night. | ||
| And it's like when you have a 10.30 show and you're starting at 11.30, I'm kind of like, guys, come on, fucking turn it around. | ||
| And then they were doing like blowjob shots on stage. | ||
| They bring people from the crowd. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you just fucking, please just bring me on. | ||
| I was like, it's like I'm going on 12.30 every night. | ||
| Who's doing the blowjob shots? | ||
| The club did that. | ||
| Oh, gosh. | ||
| So they're trying to encourage people to drink? | ||
| Yeah, which I'm fine with. | ||
| I want the club to make money. | ||
| I'll drink on stage and be like, fucking have a drink with me. | ||
| I'll even do a shot with the crowd sometimes. | ||
| I don't give a shit, but you gotta stop delaying the show so much with nonsense. | ||
| And then I remember I made fun of the logo, the hyena's logo, just fucking having fun with it. | ||
| And he came to my room, he goes, we're a fucking family business. | ||
| And I was like, I made fun of a hyena. | ||
| What am I doing to your family? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was a hyena and a tux. | ||
| And then like two weeks later, someone sent me, they changed the logo. | ||
| But I remember Tony was like, he was like, we had fun. | ||
| We were laughing a lot. | ||
| So how did they get you banned? | ||
| I made fun of the club and shit on stage. | ||
| I was joking. | ||
| I was like, blowjob shots. | ||
| I'm joking around. | ||
| I'm not being harsh, but I'm fucking around. | ||
| He emailed my agent at the time and he was like, if you don't drop Sam as a client, I will never book one of your clients again. | ||
| I wasn't a huge act. | ||
| And he said... | ||
| And he said, three clubs you own, too. | ||
| So I'm like, oh, so now you're putting me in a position where I'm an asshole. | ||
| So my agent called me like, what did you do? | ||
| And I was like, nothing. | ||
| And then she was not as supportive as she should have been to me. | ||
| She should have been like, fuck you. | ||
| He's doing his jokes. | ||
| But she was like, this is what you do. | ||
| Because I did the same thing at the Syracuse Funny Bum. | ||
| What happened with this? | ||
| How did it resolve? | ||
| It didn't. | ||
| I was just like, I'm not gonna write him an apology. | ||
| I'll apologize if I do something wrong, happily. | ||
| I'm not like, I don't have an ego in that way where like, if I fuck up, I'll totally be like, hey, I'm really sorry. | ||
| But did they have anything specific that they were saying to your agent? | ||
| I disrespected the club. | ||
| Am I making fun of the hyena logo? | ||
| It's like you do blowjob shots, dude. | ||
| What are you fucking talking about disrespecting our club? | ||
| Disrespecting our sacred institution. | ||
| Dude, it always... | ||
| Egos. | ||
| What I like about your club is like, I always find as a young comic, you don't get the love you deserve at your home club usually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because they see you as like a door guy or like... | ||
| Right, that's where you started. | ||
| But... | ||
| I think you do raise people up there, which I don't think is normal. | ||
| I think New York Comedy Club in New York does that a little bit, where they kind of develop young guys, which I think is good. | ||
| But I do think it's right. | ||
| Comicship is where I started, dude. | ||
| I still have love for the club, but they didn't really build us up. | ||
| They kind of took pleasure in keeping us down a little bit. | ||
| They would do lottery shows to us. | ||
| They recorded me one fucking week. | ||
| Like, you want to audition for the main spots, you got to be on like an America's Got Talent type show. | ||
| And I'm like, you're fucked. | ||
| By the way, just auditioning for the late night back then, I remember I auditioned. | ||
| So you do a lottery. | ||
| It's like over 100 comics, which sounds like nothing now. | ||
| But in the day, it was like, you know. | ||
| And I remember I auditioned. | ||
| I draw six out of six. | ||
| So you're going on after the regular show. | ||
| It's like an eight o'clock show. | ||
| The next show starts at 10.30, same crowd. | ||
| And I draw six out of six. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, I'm going on at like 11. They're gonna be tired. | ||
| I hope these comics don't suck so they walk the crowd. | ||
| And the guy who goes on before me has a fucking nervous breakdown on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| So I'm not making this up. | ||
| On stage he goes, I'm fucking bad at this. | ||
| Oh my god, I'm fucking bombing. | ||
| And I watched him walk 70 out of the 80 people for my audition. | ||
| And I'm like, I gotta go on for 10 people now. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And I just went on and the owner walked up to me and he's like... | ||
| I mean, the bar was low at that point. | ||
| He's like, you didn't walk the last 10, good job. | ||
| But he was like, you didn't panic, so I'll put you on for late night. | ||
| But then for the regular spots, they were like, you gotta... | ||
| They fuck with you. | ||
| My point is, your club, I feel like... | ||
| And some of the fucking with is good. | ||
| It is good because it makes you like, how bad do you want this shit? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I think to a certain point, the hazing can be good. | ||
| But also, it's a new generation. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| The hazing is probably good because it weeds out the people that aren't going to have the gumption to push forward and get through bad sets. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And I used to tell comics all the time, be nice to club owners. | ||
| Because you don't want to be one of them. | ||
| I always say that. | ||
| And then I want to become one of them. | ||
| But I always said that because they're different than us. | ||
| We need them. | ||
| We're not going to go do that. | ||
| We're not going to go open up a fucking club. | ||
| So you need these people. | ||
| So it's just like there's an adversarial relationship. | ||
| You feel like they're fucking you on the money or they're lying about it being sold out or whatever it is where you're not getting what you deserve. | ||
| But that's in the beginning, usually. | ||
| In the beginning, yeah. | ||
| Once you become undeniable, then they have to pay you, right? | ||
| But The thing is, it's like there's a separation between the people that do it and the business, and that's where all the friction comes from. | ||
| In my club, there's no separation from the people that do it and the business, because the people that do it own it. | ||
| And it's all of ours. | ||
| Like, the way I refer to it, I don't refer to it as my club. | ||
| I refer to it as our club. | ||
| This is our club. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| This club is set up for comedians. | ||
| It was never set up to make any money. | ||
| The whole concept about it was, I just want to make something where I don't lose money. | ||
| I just want to break even. | ||
| If I break even, I'll be super happy. | ||
| It's not a money-making venture at all. | ||
| So the money structure is different. | ||
| The comedians get most of the money, and there's plenty of money for the bar, and there's plenty of money for the waitstaff. | ||
| There's plenty of money for everybody. | ||
| It's just you can't be greedy. | ||
| And in most environments, the club makes most of the money, and the comedians don't, until a certain level. | ||
| And then they get the door, like big comics, big names, where they sell out anywhere and it's like a good thing to have them at your club. | ||
| And then clubs make a deal. | ||
| But they're still making money. | ||
| They're just not making an insane amount of money. | ||
| But my point was, the comedians do all of the fucking work. | ||
| If it wasn't, we're selling the comedians. | ||
| We're not selling, we're selling drinks to see the comedians. | ||
| But that's not, I don't think that's the normal mindset. | ||
| Like, I can't tell how often I'd be at a club and I hear the drink shake and I'm like, I'm here to move drinks. | ||
| That's the business part. | ||
| That's because the people that own that business aren't comedians. | ||
| But it's funny that that's the best way to make a business, is to make a business where you just do it the best way to express the art form. | ||
| There's a lot of great clubs, too. | ||
| I don't want to sound here like I'm... | ||
| No, I love clubs. | ||
| Comedy Works in Denver? | ||
| Hilarities in Cleveland, I fucking love them. | ||
| Shout out Nick and Sam. | ||
| Wise Guys in Salt Lake is fucking beautiful. | ||
| Wise Guys in Salt Lake is fucking incredible. | ||
| Acme. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| There's so many great clubs. | ||
| I'm forgetting a million right now. | ||
| Listen, I'm forgetting a million too, but I love them. | ||
| And I love comedy clubs. | ||
| I really do love just... | ||
| I really don't really respect comics who don't tour. | ||
| I can tell when you're special if you didn't fucking tour with it. | ||
| I can tell if you, like, I did New York and LA, and I was like, here, you gotta take that shit to Chattanooga and Knoxville and fucking... | ||
| Also, when you're doing New York and LA, you're doing, like, 15-minute sets. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But, you know, I mean, like, they do an hour there. | ||
| But, like, you gotta just take it... | ||
| You gotta sludge it through the mud. | ||
| This is something I always talk about with, like, Gaffigan, you know, all those, like, New York guys would be like, you gotta tour, you gotta... | ||
| They really emphasize, like... | ||
| Cut the fat, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, cut the fat and then see how different people in different places react to it. | ||
| Because your act is going to go over different in San Francisco than it is in Florida. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It just is. | ||
| It just is. | ||
| But both are fucking great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both are fucking great. | |
| You know, like, Tampa, for whatever reason, has been the side splitters, you know? | ||
| They've always been fucking really good, you know? | ||
| Did you ever make up with hyenas? | ||
| Never. | ||
| I'd be happy to. | ||
| I'd be happy to. | ||
| If you're listening, hyenas, I'm sorry for what I might have done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The one in Dallas is supposed to be awesome. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| You probably just gave them the right direction. | ||
| Get rid of your stupid fucking hyena. | ||
| Get out of here with your logo. | ||
| If someone can make fun of it and it hurts your feelings, you got a dumb logo. | ||
| I don't give a shit either. | ||
| What am I going to hold a grudge against hyenas? | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| You shouldn't hold a grudge against that guy that wanted you to get dropped by your agent. | ||
| That guy could have ruined your career. | ||
| Pretty classless. | ||
| Pretty classless. | ||
| That's such a shit move. | ||
| That guy could ruin your career. | ||
| I didn't have a lot of juice. | ||
| To be told I fucked up. | ||
| I'm a little bum that she told me I kind of fucked up. | ||
| I'm like, you know I didn't. | ||
| You know I'm like... | ||
| I'm not a diva, dude. | ||
| I'm one of your dudes who, like, happily do 45 weeks a year on the road. | ||
| I'm like, I'm out there. | ||
| I'm happy to do this. | ||
| Yeah, you're making money off me, stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have my back. | ||
| Not a ton at the time, but I was out there working. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Yeah, enough. | ||
| Well, let's kind of think, like, it's like a young athlete. | ||
| Like, if they keep going, they're going to eventually make it into the majors, and they're going to make money. | ||
| I think of it in sports analogies, like, always. | ||
| That's just how I always, because I love sports. | ||
| Also, sports is another thing like comedy. | ||
| Like, there's no guarantee. | ||
| You may make it. | ||
| You may not make it. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Instead of carrying an ACL, it's like drug problem. | ||
| Drug problems, girlfriend problems. | ||
| There's so many things that can go wrong with you. | ||
| Mental health problems. | ||
| There's so many things that can get wrong. | ||
| And also, it's so not guaranteed that you're going to keep coming up with ideas. | ||
| Oh, dude, this is my sixth hour of jokes that I just burned, and I'm like, I'm fucking tired. | ||
| I'm like, my mind is tired. | ||
| I just don't feel like I have it. | ||
| I never feel like I have it after this. | ||
| It's really hard to keep doing this. | ||
| But it's a constant process. | ||
| It's a privilege to deal with this challenge, but it is fucking, like, I'm like, wow, I don't feel funny most of the time. | ||
| You'll come up with it just like Shane was saying that after his last special. | ||
| Now the stuff he's doing now is arguably the funniest shit I've ever seen from him. | ||
| It's just how it always is. | ||
| I like my new shit, but I don't really like it. | ||
| It's gonna take time. | ||
| It's a five-year-old kid right now. | ||
| It's not a 25-year-old man crashing through the front line. | ||
| It is a five-year-old kid trying to entertain a fucking room full of drunks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ain't lasting long. | ||
| Well, it's just, you have bambi legs. | ||
| Your jokes have little bambi legs. | ||
| They're all awkward and shit. | ||
| They're not moving that good yet. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| It is cool, though. | ||
| It's more fun to be in the creative mode. | ||
| Because when I'm about to tape and I'm killing, I'm like, I'm a fucking hack. | ||
| Because you know it works. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| Yeah, it's supposed to work. | ||
| It's too easy. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, this should work. | ||
| But then when you're struggling a little bit, you're like, this is fucking, this is comedy. | ||
| Yeah, and then when you struggle, and then you come up with a new punchline, a new tagline, I just added a new tag to one of my bits that makes me laugh, and it just came out of the blue. | ||
| It's a good feeling. | ||
| One night, sitting in front of the computer, I'm going over my material, I'm like, oh, like this, this is it. | ||
| And I add that in, then I add it on stage the next day, and then Tony's like, when did that come from? | ||
| I'm like, I wrote it last night. | ||
| When your friend notices the best feeling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, Norman watched me the other night, and he was like, That fucking Anne Frank line. | ||
| I was like, it's a new line. | ||
| The new stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| New stuff is a golden gift from the cosmos. | ||
| New stuff's amazing. | ||
| It's so weird when it hits you in the middle of the night, too. | ||
| You just wake up in the middle of the night, you just stumble over to a fucking phone, voice memo, fall right back asleep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You gotta do it. | ||
| Oh, always. | ||
| And it's 90% of the time it's shit, but for that 10%, you have to just do it. | ||
| There's been way too many times where I convinced myself that I would remember it, and I didn't remember it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's a Seinfeld episode about that, where he tries to write it down, and he's like, what the fuck is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But yeah, it's so, I mean, it's funny for what a sitcom Seinfeld was, it would tap into real stand-up shit every once in a while. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it started off with him doing a monologue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| That was the early days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would do a monologue at a club every time. | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| Some great bits in there. | ||
| He's interesting now, hearing him talk about stuff now, because he's kind of realizing where all this woke shit has gone. | ||
| And he doesn't care. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's kind of beautiful to watch him be like, someone heckles him, he's like, fuck you! | ||
| And you're like, oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jerry versus Heckler? | ||
| This is entertaining. | ||
| Well, they're all going after him with the Palestine stuff now, so they're interrupting. | ||
| But it's just funny, because you know he's... | ||
| It was a great clip. | ||
| Oh my god, it was so good. | ||
| You stop giving Jews money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he also, like... | ||
| But he also is like, you know he's talking about something like... | ||
| It's just funny when a clean comic is getting heckled. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because I'm like, you're probably heckling a bit about like sponges or something. | ||
| Well, it just shows you like at this time in history, nothing is safe. | ||
| This time in history is so screwy that total complete compliance and adherence to every single letter of the doctrine is demanded. | ||
| And even then they'll move what it is. | ||
| They'll move the boundaries. | ||
| They'll move the goalposts. | ||
| And then what you were saying a month ago is now problematic. | ||
| And now you have to adhere to a new thing. | ||
| Yeah, and I also just think it's annoying that we have to go that way. | ||
| Because why can't we just all enjoy Jerry? | ||
| I guess that's what I think. | ||
| Why can't we just all enjoy this? | ||
| Even if you say something I don't like, I try to separate the comic from the whatever else. | ||
| I could still listen to Cosby. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| That one would be tough. | ||
| I just have to fall asleep sometimes at night. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I actually don't really listen to Cosby, but I do think I can... | ||
| I do it with movies all the time. | ||
| Like, I don't... | ||
| I don't agree with, like, Roman Polanski or Woody Allen, but I fucking love movies. | ||
| And I think Woody Allen's made some of the best movies ever. | ||
| Yeah, he's made incredible movies. | ||
| And he was a great stand-up. | ||
| I mean, you know, I can separate. | ||
| Cosby's tough, because what's it called? | ||
| Himself? | ||
| Yeah, it's tough. | ||
| It's tough to separate, right? | ||
| It also just feels dishonest, because it's the cleanest shit ever, and it's like, rape. | ||
| And this one lady was saying he might be the most prolific serial raper in history. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, who knows how many people he did it to that don't come out about it? | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know, how many people don't know what happened? | ||
| It's also tough when the person who does this shit is so holier than thou. | ||
| And so beloved. | ||
| But also just so much like, you know, you need to do things this way. | ||
| It's like those types of... | ||
| So that is tough. | ||
| But like, you know... | ||
| But those are the type of people that are usually creeps. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like male feminists are usually the biggest fucking pieces of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they're putting on an act that they hope you'll respond to if you're a woman. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's a bait and switch. | ||
| It's a bait and switch and it's the most manipulative thing. | ||
| And one of the things you get from those guys, the creepiest of them, they will go after other men. | ||
| And they go after other men publicly. | ||
| I remember Jamie Kilstein went after me for a fucking rape joke in like 2013. I had a fucking rape joke that like I got torn to shreds for by these like fake, you know, feminist things. | ||
| I had a... | ||
| I still remember the joke. | ||
| It was like, I was fucking a black girl. | ||
| Not a great joke. | ||
| I was fucking a black girl while we were having sex. | ||
| She kept dropping the N-word. | ||
| She was like, no. | ||
| And then I paused and I was like, you guys are worried I was going to say the N-word. | ||
| Then everyone was like, thank God. | ||
| Rape joke. | ||
| So that was a joke. | ||
| That somehow that word is more offensive than me raping a person. | ||
| So the joke killed. | ||
| It would always kill. | ||
| And then I had another one in the same set. | ||
| This woman saw me. | ||
| I said... | ||
| The whole set was rape. | ||
| No, I said my girlfriend never makes me wear the condom because she's on the pill Ambien. | ||
| Another fun one, right? | ||
| There were two quick silly jokes to me. | ||
| But she wrote a hit piece on me, tore me to shreds. | ||
| It was like, it went like fucking... | ||
| It got shared because I showed it to Colin Quinn. | ||
| I was a young seller comic at the time. | ||
| It was like 2013. And I showed it to Colin and he goes, the most fucked up part is she omitted the punchline from your jokes. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So she is trying to just show that you're a piece of shit. | ||
| She's not even showing the comedy here. | ||
| He's like, so you have to write something. | ||
| So I wrote something. | ||
| Uh... | ||
| And then it got shared a ton. | ||
| All these websites like Solange, Jezebel, tore me to shreds. | ||
| They're like, he's a nobody, all this shit. | ||
| Just cutting me down. | ||
| I was. | ||
| I had nothing going on. | ||
| And they wanted me to go on Kumail Bell's show at the time to defend. | ||
| And my manager at the time was like, I don't want your first TV credit to be defending a rape joke. | ||
| And I was like, I agree. | ||
| So, didn't do shit, but then, like, here's the fucking best part. | ||
| So, I had a trans joke in my Netflix special that was, like, pretty pro-trans. | ||
| I was just, like, being a contrarian. | ||
| I was like, everyone's doing these, like, trans bad... | ||
| I'm like, I'm gonna go the other way. | ||
| Have fun with it. | ||
| Went viral. | ||
| And all these people are like, this is how you fucking do it, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| One person writes, fuck him, he made bad jokes in 2013. It's the person who fucking tried to cancel me in 2013 who is now a man. | ||
| So she's now a guy. | ||
| So that's the joke I did in the special. | ||
| I go, but you know that people can change. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So that's what I say. | ||
| That's what I call my new special. | ||
| You've changed for that. | ||
| But I'm like, what is the... | ||
| So you can be a different person, but I can't grow as a fucking human? | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| The hypocrisy is absurd. | ||
| It's absurd. | ||
| And also, guess what? | ||
| I'm a different comic than I was in 2013. Not in like a fucking... | ||
| I'm a better stand-up. | ||
| I take... | ||
| If I go there now, I hope it's a better joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, like, how come there's only room for growth on your side? | ||
| It's fucking absurd! | ||
| Absurd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, it's a cult. | |
| And I accept. | ||
| Whatever the fuck you choose to do, it's your body. | ||
| Do whatever the fuck you want with your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| But the idea that, like, you get to do whatever you want, but then everyone else is, like, a target to you is insane. | ||
| It is insane. | ||
| But it just shows you the disingenuous approach of things, and also that the people that are involved in this sort of attacking people, they're not enlightened, for lack of a better term, not saying that I am. | ||
| But their level of compassion is not for everybody. | ||
| It's only for people that agree with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not real compassion. | |
| You're a progressive, but only you can progress. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And it's also the only people that agree with you 100%. | ||
| But then, let's look into your own life. | ||
| I guarantee you're a mess. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, these are the people that went after Shane, too. | ||
| You have to realize. | ||
| And the fucked up way they went after Shane was that... | ||
| I remember... | ||
| They went after Shane so hard. | ||
| I think it was CNN had a thing. | ||
| They were like, people who were canceled this year. | ||
| And it was Weinstein, Cosby, and Shane. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And I was like, this is like a SAT question. | ||
| Which one doesn't fit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is so fucking unfair. | ||
| So, you know... | ||
| I think that ship has sailed. | ||
| I think it's for the most part over, and I think we're mostly laughing about it now. | ||
| But now you see it with the Tenacious D guy, and now it's predominantly the left that goes after people, but now it's kind of, this was the right, where they're celebrating the Kyle Gass thing. | ||
| I'm like, hey man, it's either all okay or none of it. | ||
| It's the South Park guys, either all okay or none's okay. | ||
| The guy said something on stage because he's signaling to all his liberal followers and he's trying to be cool. | ||
| And he probably had no idea that that was going to get out to the rest of the world. | ||
| He thought he was just saying it to his crowd. | ||
| And he didn't understand because he's like 60 years old. | ||
| You see that guy? | ||
| He's old as fuck. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| He's like a super old triple vax liberal. | ||
| And he said something and it was a stupid thing to say. | ||
| And then he had to cancel their whole fucking tour. | ||
| Well, I'm bummed that Jack Black canceled on him. | ||
| Well, they all canceled. | ||
| Well, that's your friend, though. | ||
| I mean, that bummed me out. | ||
| I think Jack Black's hilarious, so that bummed me out. | ||
| Well, he didn't throw his friend under the bus. | ||
| He said he was blindsided by it and that he doesn't support hate speech, political hate speech. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, but what is hate speech is my other thing. | ||
| It's like, you either made a joke or you either say it's a joke or it is actual. | ||
| It's either a joke or it's not a joke. | ||
| It is the definition of too soon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| It was two days. | ||
| And the joke bombed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It was like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| I don't think. | ||
| Do I think it's a good joke? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No. | ||
| But also, like, why are you calling for it? | ||
| I don't like the calling for people's heads either. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't like it either. | ||
| I think they're just delaying their tour. | ||
| He's just going to take some time off. | ||
| He just wanted a vacation. | ||
| No, I really think that's what the decision was. | ||
| I think the decision was to stop the tour and then come back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that what they said? | ||
| Tour is canceled. | ||
| He's been dropped by his agent also. | ||
| Oh, never mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Jesus. | ||
| I was about to be like, you know what? | ||
| Summer is hard to tour, but now, yeah. | ||
| Has everybody been dropped or just that one guy? | ||
| Jack Black hasn't been dropped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're a dumb fucking agent if you're dropping that one. | ||
| Yeah, if you drop Jack Black, like, yo. | ||
| At first, I thought Jack Black said it. | ||
| No. | ||
| When I saw the clip, I was like, Oh, no. | ||
| I was watching Tropic Thunder the other day on TV. It's still funny. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| It's the last free movie. | ||
| They don't do it anymore, dude. | ||
| You can't do a movie like that. | ||
| Someday. | ||
| It'll come back around. | ||
| I asked Robert Downey Jr. on the podcast. | ||
| I said, do you think you make Tropic Thunder today? | ||
| He's like, oh, you could make it. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's a... | ||
| You know, Ben Stiller doesn't get enough credit for kind of just going for it with that shit. | ||
| That was... | ||
| In that movie, he just went for it. | ||
| So did Tom Cruise. | ||
| Remember when Tom Cruise played that fat agent with the fucking... | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| I was like, I saw that. | ||
| I was like, I want to see you do more comedy, dude. | ||
| I know you want to do your own stunts and you're like, fuck, you have a death wish and it's badass and stuff, but I want to see Tom Cruise in a comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, listen, I know Tom Cruise is a loon. | ||
| But Tom Cruise, because of the fact he's a loon, can kind of do anything. | ||
| I mean, he played the vampire Lestat in Interview with the Vampire, and all of Anne Rice's fans were protesting. | ||
| Why? | ||
| People did not want Tom Cruise to play Lestat. | ||
| But he's great. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| But if you didn't know, Tom Cruise at the time was Top Gun. | ||
| He was like fucking blockbuster boy. | ||
| And then I was going to play this homosexual vampire who's like this weak... | ||
| It's called acting. | ||
| Yeah, but it's... | ||
| It was too beloved to them, to the people that are like, have you ever read Interview with a Vampire? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| But he's more gay than he is a pool shark, and he played a pool shark in The Color of Money, so who gives a shit? | ||
| Yeah, the pool shark wasn't believable, unfortunately. | ||
| But he did learn how to do it, though. | ||
| That was more offensive to me than the vampire. | ||
| He learned kinda. | ||
| Kinda. | ||
| If I watched him play, I'd be like, come on. | ||
| But you're good at pool. | ||
| Yeah, that's the difference. | ||
| I suck. | ||
| But if you watch someone play guitar and you don't know how to play guitar, I don't know what's going on, right? | ||
| But if you're a really good guitar player and you say, oh, he's not even hitting the right keys when that sound's coming out. | ||
| This is bullshit. | ||
| That's not how you play guitar. | ||
| It's like seeing comedy in a movie. | ||
| Punchline. | ||
| It's usually rough. | ||
| Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's rough. | |
| Did you ever see that? | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking awful. | ||
| With the lockers. | ||
| They have lockers. | ||
| They have lockers. | ||
| I love Tom Hanks, but yeah, it's not fucking... | ||
| Yeah, it's not a... | ||
| Comedy doesn't... | ||
| The only time I saw it kind of work was when Sandler did it in the Judd Apatow movie. | ||
| Because Sandler does stand-up, though. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's a real comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you could do a movie with comedy in it like Louis did with Louis. | ||
| Louie's such a good show. | ||
| I sent him an email like a year ago. | ||
| It was like 2 a.m. | ||
| I just wrote him an email being like, man, I miss shows like this and I miss the representation of New York and I love how you make New York disgusting and ugly but also kind of beautiful and a mess and against you at all times. | ||
| There's a scene in that show where he... | ||
| You know what I'm talking about with the flight? | ||
| He misses the flight, and the woman's just typing in. | ||
| He's like, what happened to the flight? | ||
| She just keeps typing. | ||
| She goes, it was canceled. | ||
| He's like, why? | ||
| And she goes... | ||
| It crashed. | ||
| And he goes, oh my god, is anyone okay? | ||
| And she keeps typing. | ||
| She goes, everyone's dead except one baby. | ||
| That type of joke is so absurd and silly, but it got me so good because we get so angry when we miss a connect flight. | ||
| And then everyone's dead is such a great... | ||
| That was his mind. | ||
| And he wrote a long thing back just being like, that was a really cool time in my life and how much he put into it. | ||
| That show, I think, is brilliant. | ||
| You know, he edited that show on his MacBook? | ||
| And the music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he edited that show on the 12-inch MacBook. | ||
| The little tiny one. | ||
| And I go, why are you doing it on that? | ||
| He goes, I like doing it on this little thing. | ||
| Yeah, that show is... | ||
| I re-watched it recently, and I was amazed at how well it holds up. | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| It's a great show, and I remember when he did Lucky Louie. | ||
| I like that, too. | ||
| Lucky Louie was okay, but I talked to him at the improv one night. | ||
| We were hanging out, and I was like, what would you do different? | ||
| Because it had fallen apart. | ||
| He goes, I would fire all the writers. | ||
| He goes, I didn't want to fire them. | ||
| He goes, I would have fired everybody. | ||
| Well, he also was trying to do a Jackie Gleason sitcom-y type thing, and his strength is being himself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I still enjoyed it, but yeah, Louie's on another level. | ||
| Yeah, well, Louie was him with freedom. | ||
| It's like if you take a guy like that and you just let him, he's going to do the best he can. | ||
| He's going to do the best he can always. | ||
| You just got to let him do that and get out of the way. | ||
| You're not going to give him good ideas. | ||
| You're not going to help him. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He gave me a tag once for a joke, and it killed him immediately, and I was like, that's a good comic right there. | ||
| Oh, he's great. | ||
| He's good at comedy. | ||
| Yeah, I had a King Kong joke. | ||
| He gave me a great tag once about King Kong's wife giving him shit. | ||
| I had a joke where I said, it's a joke that I did in the joke, in the movie The Joker, I say, I did a million jokes for that movie, and this is the one they used, but I said, you know, men and women look at sex differently. | ||
| Men look at it like, women look at sex like buying a car. | ||
| You're like, can I see myself in this long term? | ||
| Is it safe? | ||
| Is it reliable? | ||
| Could it kill me? | ||
| And I said, men look at sex like parking a car. | ||
| We're like, there's a spot. | ||
| There's another spot. | ||
| Oh, I have to pay? | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| And Louie goes, you should add, uh, handicapped, hope no one sees this. | ||
| I had a handicapped line, but his, hope no one sees this hit harder, and I was like, there we go. | ||
| It just worked, hope no one sees this is so much more fucked up and funny. | ||
| I had a handicapped line, but it worked, but this one then killed, and I was like, he's good. | ||
| And I never, I don't really normally take tags, but when it's Louie, you're kind of like, let me try it, and then it was too good to not tell. | ||
| Too good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta take it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's, like, so fun when you have a joke and people think it's over, and then you know there's one more line. | ||
| Especially if you're doing, like, you know, a tough crowd, and they're like, all right. | ||
| They have to, like, give it up a little bit. | ||
| That was good. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's always great when you find those, too. | ||
| When you've got the beginning of a joke, and it's kind of doing okay in the early days of the joke, you just start trotting it out, you're fucking with it and working, and you're like, God, there's something there. | ||
| And then you find the next thing, and boom, you open up a new door. | ||
| Now you have a whole new door that is attached to the premise that has a bunch of new angles you can take. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a great thing. | ||
| It's like you have a toy that you find and you're like, oh, I didn't know it did that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| Louis said he's going to take a year off, and so he's basically taking... | ||
| I think a year and a half. | ||
| I think he took another... | ||
| I mean, I saw him recently. | ||
| It's almost a year, right? | ||
| Yeah, I saw him at the cellar, and he was trying some new stuff, and it was funny. | ||
| Recently? | ||
| Yeah, he's always funny. | ||
| Okay, so he's back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hate when a comic like that's in the back of the room and I'm fucking around just trying to find shit. | ||
| I'm like, God damn it. | ||
| And I get up and I go, hey, Louie. | ||
| He's like, what's up, man? | ||
| God damn it, I was fucking around. | ||
| Yeah, I love that when people are doing that, though. | ||
| I know you're funny. | ||
| If I see someone have a weird set where they're working on new shit, I never think, oh, Sam sucks now. | ||
| You'd be an idiot for thinking that. | ||
| Yeah, I guess we're always in our head a little bit, you know? | ||
| Always. | ||
| Once you think you're awesome, you're fucking done. | ||
| I had a set once where I switched the order of things on the spot for some strange reason. | ||
| I decided to try it this way, and it worked great. | ||
| But I realized as I was into the set that I missed a giant part of one of the bits because I switched it around and it didn't fit anymore and I couldn't add it anywhere else. | ||
| And so I was in my head. | ||
| But I was still killing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was in my head and then after it was over, I'm like, I gotta listen to this. | ||
| It must be fucked up. | ||
| But no, the recording was great. | ||
| I was listening to it. | ||
| This was all like a self-inflicted mindfuck. | ||
| Because I knew that there was more to the bit. | ||
| But they didn't know there was more to the bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| But you knew there was more. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And it's annoying though when you leave and there was more meat on the bone. | ||
| I hate that feeling. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| It happens a lot. | ||
| You're like, well, let me try. | ||
| Sometimes you try to flex. | ||
| You're like, let me open with an abortion joke and see if I can dig out of this hole. | ||
| And it misses, and you're like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Now they hate me. | ||
| But I do it all the time. | ||
| I have a new Hitler chunk. | ||
| I was doing it at your club last night, and I'm like, let me open on this. | ||
| And they're like, no, you can't open on the Hitler joke. | ||
| You've got to earn it. | ||
| Give them four minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got to get them to trust the way you think about things. | ||
| So I love late night sets still, even though they're like so, I mean, but I like, not even that many comics do them anymore, but when you watch an old one and you're like, oh, a guy had, you had to open on this joke for a reason. | ||
| Like, there's this comic in New York, Nick Griffin, who's like, he was like the master of the Letterman sets, I thought. | ||
| His Letterman's, they're like 11 Letterman's, they're all flawless, you know? | ||
| And every opening joke was perfect. | ||
| He had a joke where he goes, they say to live every day like it's your last, so I've been crying a lot lately. | ||
| That's a great fucking joke. | ||
| There's another one he opened with. | ||
| I always look at the opener because I'm fascinated by it. | ||
| He goes, I hate these celebrities, Lady Gaga. | ||
| Oh, the press is bothering me. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Visa's bothering me. | ||
| That's like, you're self-deprecating out of the gate. | ||
| It's a quick joke. | ||
| I like the quick laugh. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Visa's bothering me. | ||
| Want to trade? | ||
| It's like a great line. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The construction of a great joke. | ||
| And starting off with a great joke is so important for opening acts. | ||
| I always tell that for guys on the road, like if they've never done a big theater before and they're coming with me, I'm like, listen, go out there, say hi to them, don't rush. | ||
| Don't rush into your first joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when you commit, that first joke's got to be a banger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they don't know you. | ||
| And it might not get the laughs you think it deserves because the audience isn't warmed up yet. | ||
| But you've got to accept that. | ||
| But you've got to start out with a banger. | ||
| Even if they're not laughing hard, at least they're like, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They might not be laughing, but they might have a smile on their face. | ||
| You're literally warming them up. | ||
| Yes, you're warming them up. | ||
| And that's why I appreciate comics who warm up crowds with jokes and not just bullshit. | ||
| I have a respect for people that whatever way you warm them up, however you get them, cool. | ||
| But I tour with Gary Veeder, and it's just killer deadpan one-liners. | ||
| They're all just deadpan. | ||
| He's low energy, so they have to listen. | ||
| And for me, that sets the table where every joke is fucking killer. | ||
| Dude, I have to piss or I'm on a break. | ||
| Let's take a little break. | ||
| We'll be right back. | ||
| Yeah, Ron moved out here in like 2017 or 18. Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he was always at the store, too, because he had a condo in Beverly Hills. | ||
| Or, excuse me, he had a house in Beverly Hills. | ||
| It wasn't a condo. | ||
| It was a mansion. | ||
| He just said, I'm fucking moving to Texas. | ||
| He goes, I love it here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I travel. | |
| It's in the middle of the country. | ||
| Easy to take a flight to anywhere. | ||
| People are nicer. | ||
| No traffic. | ||
| Food's fucking great. | ||
| And that kind of put the seeds in my head. | ||
| That was like the first seeds in my head. | ||
| I was like, Austin, huh? | ||
| Did you not like LA? Nope. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's too many people. | ||
| I think you get around too many people, it's not good for your head. | ||
| I think too many people like that, people become a problem rather than a resource. | ||
| You know, there's too many. | ||
| They get in the way. | ||
| They're in the way of things. | ||
| Too clogged up. | ||
| And I think it creates anxiety. | ||
| When you're stuck in traffic all the time, I think that's bad for you. | ||
| I wanted to just... | ||
| Also, I didn't trust it. | ||
| I felt like it could fall apart at any moment. | ||
| I was always waiting for the next earthquake or the next fire. | ||
| I was evacuated three times from my house from fires. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Last one, two houses in front of my house burnt to the ground. | ||
| Right in front of my house. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, the wildfires were crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking scary, right? | ||
| Fucking scary. | ||
| When you see them coming, you know, I came home from the comedy store and it was like one o'clock in the morning and me and my wife were looking out the window at the fire coming over the hill. | ||
| And we made an early call. | ||
| We said, look, if we're wrong, we come back, the house is still here, but let's just get the fuck out of here now. | ||
| I'm like, that's too close. | ||
| They weren't evacuating yet. | ||
| I'm like, let's get out of here. | ||
| And so we got all of our shit and we got a hotel in Beverly Hills. | ||
| And then next thing you know, it swept through our neighborhood. | ||
| That's fucking horrible. | ||
| It burnt 40, I think 40 houses in my neighborhood. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Dude, it was crazy. | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| Between my neighborhood and the neighboring neighborhoods. | ||
| Is it like July or what? | ||
| I don't remember when it happened. | ||
| I want to say... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, LA's dry. | ||
| It's dry. | ||
| All it takes is a good wind and fires. | ||
| But it happened three times. | ||
| Three separate times we had to get evacuated. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was weird, man. | ||
| And when you see it, when you see the walls of flame that are from the left to the right, everywhere you can see is flames. | ||
| You see houses going up. | ||
| It's spooky, man. | ||
| It's spooky like a horror movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you realize, like, I talked to a fireman once. | ||
| This is one of the reasons it freaked me out. | ||
| I'm wearing an L.A. Fire Department show. | ||
| Shout out. | ||
| Fire department shirt. | ||
| It's a badass job. | ||
| Fucking tough people, man. | ||
| Those fucking people, they don't get nearly the credit that they deserve. | ||
| So I was talking to this guy and he was telling me, he goes, dude, one day, he goes, it's just going to be the right wind and fire's going to start in the right place and it's going to burn through LA all the way to the ocean and there's not a fucking thing we can do about it. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| He goes, yeah, we just get lucky. | ||
| He goes, we get lucky with the wind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| He goes, but if the wind hits the wrong way, it's just going to burn straight through LA and there's not going to be a thing we can do about it. | ||
| Because these fires are so big, dude. | ||
| You're talking about like thousands of acres that are burning simultaneously with like 40 mile an hour winds. | ||
| And the wind's just blowing embers through the air, and those embers are landing on roofs, and those houses are going up, and they're landing on bushes, and those bushes are going up, and everything's dry. | ||
| And once it happens, it happens in a way where it's so spread out that there's nothing they can do. | ||
| There's nothing they can do. | ||
| Yeah, you just have to evacuate, right? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing they can do. | ||
| You just got to get out of there. | ||
| It's fucking weird dude one of the worst I ever bombed ever in my career and I wasn't that good at the time either So it was easy to make me bomb but I was I had done one of those NACA one of those college things was a bad and I got I did well at the thing and I got a bunch of gigs and so I was really funny at the NACA show I killed and so I got this gig and I was headlining and JB smooth was opening and It was this weird gig in New Jersey and | ||
| it was in the middle of nowhere and this is back way before Navigation so you would get a piece of paper They would say take the 405 to this take a right here go down to the you know So you have to really follow the directions and it was complicated and I remember I left real early and I still it took a long time to get there and I finally found the place and I was there but JB smooth was not there and the show was supposed to start like 20 minutes and And so I said, what do you guys want to do? | ||
| And they said, well, we'll just wait for him. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Everyone's just sitting in the hall, like waiting for the show to start. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| So they go, okay, great. | ||
| So I sat down and I started watching TV and there's a show on about the Malibu fires. | ||
| And it is the most fucking depressing thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| This guy who was a fireman, I think his house was actually saved, the guy that was crying. | ||
| He was just weeping because his whole life he had invested and saved money to make this house and built this house and his house survived but his neighbor's house is fucked. | ||
| It's so random which houses get burnt and which houses didn't. | ||
| And then there was this kid who was calling for his dog So these kids walk into the street like, Rusty, where are you, Rusty? | ||
| No, the dog's dead as fuck. | ||
| Everything's dead. | ||
| It's like you're looking at the most insane wasteland of burnt homes and people weeping and crying and people died in their cars. | ||
| It was horrible, horrible shit. | ||
| And then they come in the room and they're still like, JB is not going to be here in time, so we're just going to have you go up first, and then if he gets here, he'll go on after you. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| And so I went on stage sad. | ||
| From the Malibu Fire. | ||
| And I was not funny at all. | ||
| I couldn't muster funny. | ||
| I couldn't. | ||
| I remember this girl I was dating at the time. | ||
| She was there with me. | ||
| She goes, what the fuck was that? | ||
| I was like, I watched the Malibu Fire thing. | ||
| I was fucking sad. | ||
| Now she's dry too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| And then JB went up after me and murdered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Murdered. | |
| He's funny. | ||
| He came in loose and he was like, I got lost when I'm stationed. | ||
| And he was just killing. | ||
| Sometimes you just gotta not watch the news. | ||
| Never watch the news. | ||
| But that's the thing about this cable news. | ||
| I watch it and I'm just like, Why would I watch this? | ||
| I feel fucking horrible. | ||
| You feel horrible and it's not helping you. | ||
| You've got to be real careful about any input that gets in your mind before you go on stage. | ||
| You shouldn't have an argument with your girlfriend. | ||
| You shouldn't call your friend that owes you money. | ||
| You shouldn't talk to your parents. | ||
| You know, you have to be careful about what input. | ||
| Like, that's why I like the green room at the club. | ||
| You go in there, the music's playing, comics are in there. | ||
| Good music, too. | ||
| Everybody's hanging. | ||
| It's a good vibe. | ||
| Like, it feels good. | ||
| And then you go on stage with a smile on your face. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it's supposed to be about. | ||
| Dude, I mean, we've all done those benefits where they'll be like, this is a benefit for, you know... | ||
| I did a benefit, Reese. | ||
| I didn't fucking think. | ||
| I usually look what it's for, so I know it's a good cause, but I was in a rush, and I just showed up to a benefit. | ||
| You know, like, oh, I'll fucking kill it. | ||
| We'll be fine. | ||
| Within 30 seconds, I open on a joke, drinking on muscle relaxers, like silence, and I'm like, okay, something's wrong here. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I keep powering through, bombing my dick off. | ||
| The crowd's looking at me like, who is this guy? | ||
| This guy sucks. | ||
| And I get off, and the guy running is like, what the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| And I go, what do you mean? | ||
| He goes, it's a benefit for a guy who died from drinking on muscle relaxers. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| So I chose the wrong material. | ||
| How about let me know that before I go on stage? | ||
| They sent something. | ||
| I didn't read it. | ||
| It was my fault entirely. | ||
| It was completely my fault. | ||
| But yeah, I was like, oh shit. | ||
| But I've done those gigs where they're like, sometimes you do a benefit where you know what it's for. | ||
| And they're like, it's a thing for a cancer benefit or like a Holocaust thing. | ||
| And they show Holocaust footage. | ||
| And you're like, hey, not a great warm up act. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Listen, I'll just give you money. | ||
| You want a check? | ||
| I'll send you a check. | ||
| I'm not performing. | ||
| But if it's walking distance, I'll pretty much always do it. | ||
| Just for the fun? | ||
| Just for funsies? | ||
| It's easy to just walk in and do a set. | ||
| I've done some that were good. | ||
| I've done some benefits that were fun and they were good. | ||
| But I've also done some that maybe go, I'm never doing one of these again. | ||
| This is just not worth doing. | ||
| I think comedy should only be in a comedy club. | ||
| When I hear about people doing corporate gigs, I'm like, what are you doing and why are you doing that? | ||
| I know, but it's not... | ||
| Are you going to notice... | ||
| Like, do you notice, if you have, let's say you have $10,000 in your bank account, do you notice if you have $10,500? | ||
| You don't. | ||
| Who's getting paid $500 for one of those things? | ||
| I'm just saying, so if you have, my point was, if you have $10 million in the bank, like some people I know that do these fucking things, and you get tortured for $10,000. | ||
| Like Tony just did one, he got tortured for $10,000. | ||
| He goes, it was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. | ||
| I go, why'd you do it? | ||
| He goes, he offered me $10,000. | ||
| And it was right down the street, so I just did. | ||
| I go, you're not going to notice that $10,000, but you're going to feel that bomb. | ||
| You're going to feel that. | ||
| But you might get a funny story, too. | ||
| I always think, like... | ||
| I mean, dude, that's why I do morning TV things. | ||
| I'm like, it's going to be bad, but it's going to be funny bad. | ||
| I'm glad you brought that up because that Morning Joe one was amazing. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That was hilarious. | ||
| You know what the funny part is? | ||
| I wasn't even misbehaving on that one. | ||
| They just hated me, and it was even funnier. | ||
| He set me up in a way where he was like... | ||
| He clearly hasn't watched my shit, which is fine. | ||
| I know he hasn't, but clearly a producer's a fan of mine, so they're giving him lines for my special to cue me up. | ||
| So he cued me up for a gun baby joke, and I was like, I'll tell the joke. | ||
| And I told it, and he just looked at me like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, dude, well, what do you want? | ||
| Well, I sent you that stuff on him. | ||
| That's the guy that was gaslighting us. | ||
| This is the best Biden ever, and if you don't believe me, F you. | ||
| You know what the thing about a lot of those guys are? | ||
| As I said, it's poison, these cable shows. | ||
| But instead of being like... | ||
| Sometimes you'll follow a comic and they're like a hack, but they know they're a hack. | ||
| And they're like, I'm sorry, I just have to go out and do that. | ||
| And you're like, oh yeah, whatever. | ||
| But he goes on and he acts like... | ||
| All these guys, they go on and they act like they're doing the Lord's work. | ||
| They're Edward R. Murrow or something. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Oh, so you're gonna do this and think you're, like, there's, like, this type of, like, liberal elitism where it's, like, there's two types of, like, older liberals. | ||
| There's, like, the type that, like, is, like, an old hippie and is, like, oh, man, that was cool, you did that shit. | ||
| And then there's types that look at you like... | ||
| Well, he wasn't a liberal. | ||
| No. | ||
| He used to be a Republican. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then he got on MSNBC. Yeah, you gotta go with the money, I guess. | |
| Change his panties. | ||
| Yeah, but that was a weird segment, but I actually get off on that a little bit. | ||
| I kind of like when I know it's going to be bad. | ||
| I think it's funny, because I'm just like, well, it's live. | ||
| I can just do whatever I want. | ||
| It's funny to me when it goes horribly. | ||
| Those are state-run propaganda shows. | ||
| That's all they are. | ||
| They're bullshit, news distribution, narrative distribution. | ||
| And I'll happily go back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| I do enjoy it. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I enjoyed watching him react, and it was a great joke. | ||
| That's a good bit. | ||
| It's a very good bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And watching him not respond to that very good bit. | ||
| I'm like, you can't even admit that that's a good bit. | ||
| That's what bums me out a little bit, is like, they kind of like, just fucking smile. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| I know, you're not admitting that, I'm not saying school shootings are okay, I'm just saying this joke works. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's just a joke. | ||
| Sometimes you can just smile at the fun of the joke, but I guess I think of those crowds, and you think of those crowds, and you're like, not only do you think I'm shit, you think you're better than me, and I feel it, and that's a bummer. | ||
| Well, that position of being that guy in the suit with the fucking makeup on in front of the camera speaking the truth, that's an intoxicating power position. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, I mean, I don't know, but it must feel alright. | ||
| It's an intoxicating power position for those people. | ||
| They want to be that guy that is the center of the news show, and all the people are waiting for them to talk, and there's all the cameramen, and they're all pointed at him, makes him super important. | ||
| There's people behind the scenes with clipboards, they're all looking at him. | ||
| Those idiots like that. | ||
| It's funny because the producers were quoting my bits. | ||
| They knew who I was. | ||
| Yeah, they were regular people. | ||
| They're not psychos. | ||
| They were really cool. | ||
| I'm sure that's who gave them that thing. | ||
| They were like, talk about guns and babies. | ||
| I was like, you got it. | ||
| I mean, fuck. | ||
| God bless. | ||
| Even Al Sharpton kind of chuckled at least. | ||
| I was like, I got something out of him even. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| Come on, give me something. | ||
| Al Sharpton's an old school grifter. | ||
| He knows a good joke. | ||
| Old school, yeah. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I mean, that guy's entire career started on a false rape accusation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get out there and do the real thing, buddy. | ||
| You see what he looks like now? | ||
| He's lost all of his weight. | ||
| He's like super, super thin. | ||
| Oh, there I am. | ||
| Wow, I look well. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with me? | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Disappointed, Sam. | |
| I'm not going to lie. | ||
| But I'm used to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm very happy. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| Wherever I go, I show up at places and people are like... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| It's earlier in this. | ||
| This is the end. | ||
| You've got to go. | ||
| It's way earlier. | ||
| I just wanted Al Sharpton because you said something about him. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Go to the beginning. | ||
| The beginning where he sets up the gun jokes, the funny one. | ||
| Hey, they gave me a nice plug, though. | ||
| though there's something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess it's here. | |
| ...election and Sam joins us now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sam, I just, I gotta start with this quote because it's most relevant. | |
| It is, it is. | ||
| Oh no, not past the election here. | ||
| Yeah, this is whatever. | ||
| This is just me making a Biden joke or whatever, a Trump-Biden joke. | ||
| Yeah, right there, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, both are easy to hate, but then you hold one. | ||
| And you're like, "I kinda get it," you know? | ||
| We laughed at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both annoying on airplanes. | |
| If you're dating someone new and they'd be there, it could be a problem. | ||
| And both will be in a school soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| He did not like that. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Well, that's one that you can't, like, what do you do? | ||
| What do you even say to that? | ||
| Yeah, but, you know, he... | ||
| He laughed a little bit. | ||
| It was a little. | ||
| That was more than I thought. | ||
| Yeah, a little. | ||
| Give me a hint. | ||
| It wasn't that bad, but Al Sharpton was laughing? | ||
| Yeah, because I told him, I was like, I bet you're a Samurl fan, just, like, playfully, and he was like, I bet I could be, yeah, and then I was like, you know, I brought up the thing about, like, uh... | ||
| No, when Justin Bieber went to Anne Frank's house and in the sign-in book wrote, I think she would have been a Belieber. | ||
| I'm like, that's how I feel about you and me. | ||
| Did he say that? | ||
| I said that to him. | ||
| Did Justin Bieber really do that? | ||
| Yeah, he got a lot of shit for that years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Yeah, but come on. | ||
| We're entertainers. | ||
| We fucking get it. | ||
| How old was he? | ||
| He was a baby. | ||
| He was young. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the fuck is he supposed to do? | ||
| Yeah, he was just trying to be shocking. | ||
| He was in a shocking phase, you know? | ||
| I think he meant it in, like, good spirits. | ||
| I don't think he was, like, trying to be like, fuck her. | ||
| I think he was, like, trying to have fun with it, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But... | ||
| But I said that to Al Sharpton. | ||
| He was like, yeah. | ||
| He went with it. | ||
| I was like, alright. | ||
| Well, the thing is, those places are not places for humor. | ||
| There's no room for humor because they think they're saving the world. | ||
| But the world stays, and then you just annoyed everybody your entire career. | ||
| And you didn't save anything, ever. | ||
| You never changed anybody's opinion. | ||
| You didn't. | ||
| That's why I'm shocked they want me on these shows. | ||
| I'll happily go in, but I'm just shocked in there. | ||
| I'm there just laughing in the green room like, this is going to be bad. | ||
| I know it's going to be bad. | ||
| They need anything. | ||
| But yeah, I went on the Ari Melba one once and he just like would set me up for jokes and then look at me like, so why is that funny? | ||
| And I'd be like, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| Because it's a joke. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Clearly it's not funny. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, but you're just rolling with it. | ||
| There's a big difference between being funny on a talk show in front of a person who's not ready to be laughing and then an audience. | ||
| That's why I play to the producers usually. | ||
| I'm trying to get them laughing. | ||
| Because then if you hear laughs in the background, it's undeniable. | ||
| But if I'm just bombing for one dude, yeah, it's fucking weird. | ||
| Yeah, you want to play the camera guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The normal people. | ||
| Camera guys and the grips. | ||
| I love doing that shit, though. | ||
| All my friends are like, you're a psycho for going on morning shows. | ||
| Because Stavros and Norman are like, I'm not waking up at 7am to do this. | ||
| I'm like, I will happily. | ||
| You still do it? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But few will have me. | ||
| The last one that had me was in Salt Lake City, Utah, and they were like, they knew I'd do this, so the guy came in the green room and was like fucking with me. | ||
| I'm in the green room with my friend Gary Veeder. | ||
| I made him come with me because I'm like, I can't do this. | ||
| It's like a bank robbery. | ||
| I need an Uber waiting for me because I need to get right out. | ||
| But the guy was fucking with me in the green room. | ||
| The anchor was a handsome Mormon guy being like, oh, you're going to fuck with me? | ||
| And I looked at Gary like, this guy's got an edge. | ||
| I was like, Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, let's see if you fuck. | ||
| He was kind of being a dick, and I was like, all right. | ||
| So then in my head, I'm like, I'm going to fuck with him. | ||
| So I went on there, and it was like the week the Diddy shit broke. | ||
| And I was like, man, how about that P. Diddy? | ||
| And he was just like, well, we're not going to talk about that. | ||
| And I was like, well, anyway, P. Diddy. | ||
| I just kept doing it, and he got pissed. | ||
| And his anchor, the woman, was cool as fuck. | ||
| She was laughing, but he just kept being like, well, you'll never be invited back. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, and I had to pretend I was upset that I was never going to be back on Good Morning Salt Lake. | ||
| I was like, oh, no. | ||
| But then, of course, after the segment, I'm leaving, and I'm trying to get out of there with Gary, but all the crew is stopping me, and they're grabbing me. | ||
| They're trying to take selfies because they're like, we all hate him. | ||
| So I'm like, oh, cool. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You ever see Segura when he used to do DJ Dadmouth? | ||
| I love it, yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's like, you know what? | ||
| It's such a fake type of TV that it's fun for us to go on and just be ourselves. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| I still have a weird fondness for the comfort of that and then fucking with it. | ||
| I don't know why, but sometimes I'll be at home and I'll throw on Good Morning America. | ||
| This is kind of funny how... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| They're like cooking something. | ||
| It's peaceful. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's weird to watch some of those shows. | ||
| Like, I watch The View every now and then just because I don't know anybody like that. | ||
| I've never seen one episode. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| I've never seen it. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to go for a walk after you see them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just go, what? | |
| These are voters. | ||
| I choose to know Whoopi Goldberg from the movie Eddie where she's the Knicks coach. | ||
| That's how I choose to think of her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That shows... | ||
| Never seen it. | ||
| There's a bunch of those shows where you're just like, who are these people and how do they think this way? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you need to know that those people exist and that there's a bubble and those people exist in a bubble and they all think they're right and they clap and no one disagrees with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I would happily go on The View, man. | ||
| I would love to go. | ||
| I've heard of it. | ||
| I think I'd make a nice little impression. | ||
| I love the clip of Norm on The View. | ||
| That's the clip I've seen. | ||
| Yeah, Norm was great. | ||
| Norm was really funny. | ||
| When he was talking about Hillary Clinton killing people. | ||
| It was pretty funny. | ||
| I just like disrupting. | ||
| I think the disrupting is really funny. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| Yeah, Norm was the best at that. | ||
| He was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wish I knew him. | ||
| I only met him twice, and he was so nice the two times I met him. | ||
| But I met him on Last Comic Standing, where I got eliminated immediately. | ||
| I had a pretty good set, but then I had a feeling they weren't going to move. | ||
| I watched two comics in front of me fucking bomb and move on, by the way. | ||
| But I remember Keenan Ivory Wayans was like, you were funny on some jokes and not funny on others. | ||
| And I just like sarcastically responded, well, I loved all your scary movie films. | ||
| And it got a big pop. | ||
| And he goes, I only did the first two. | ||
| I'm like, it was a joke. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm fucking trying to survive here. | ||
| And then afterwards, Norm saw me on the way to the bathroom and was like, I like to eat shit on him. | ||
| That was funny. | ||
| Yeah, and that was like my one interaction with and then another time I met him at Caroline's where We were doing March Madness style. | ||
| Do you know what that was? | ||
| It was like one-on-one you do like 60 seconds or 60 seconds and I was in the finals I think I lost to Dan Soder in the championship, which is like I was happy to I love Dan So I was kind of like it's kind of fun to even be in the finals with Dan But no one was hanging with us and he's like He said something. | ||
| He's like, man, I hate this shit. | ||
| It's like they take you out back and fuck you in the ass. | ||
| And we were just like, yeah. | ||
| We didn't know what he was talking about. | ||
| We're like, it's Norm. | ||
| Just fucking go with whatever he says. | ||
| He's a fucking legend, you know? | ||
| I randomly sat next to him twice on airplanes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you guys were buddies, right? | ||
| Yeah, well, we knew each other. | ||
| We knew each other from the clubs. | ||
| But just randomly, we happened to be in the same city, the same town, on the same plane. | ||
| And he sat next to me twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's amazing. | |
| Yeah, it was amazing. | ||
| And so like for three hours, me and Norm just talking shit and having fun. | ||
| And one time, one of my favorite stories was he was on, he's like, yeah, quit cigarettes. | ||
| Quit smoking. | ||
| Fucking cigarettes are terrible. | ||
| They're terrible for you. | ||
| They kill you. | ||
| And so we're talking about cigarettes and we get off the plane and he immediately runs into one of the shops and grabs a pack of cigarettes. | ||
| And he's lighting it before he gets out the door. | ||
| Out the door, he's like, I go, I thought you quit circus. | ||
| I did, but we were talking about it. | ||
| I wanted one, you know? | ||
| I just couldn't help myself. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| Oh, he was an animal. | ||
| A legend. | ||
| Yeah, real legend. | ||
| And even the way he went out, you know? | ||
| Didn't even tell anybody. | ||
| Just went to Canada and died. | ||
| Who the fuck would ever do that anymore? | ||
| Like, no one. | ||
| No one. | ||
| Everybody makes a big deal out of it. | ||
| They post on social media these tearful videos. | ||
| I'm in stage four and, you know, thank you for all your hopes and wishes and prayers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Norm was like, I'm just gonna ride off in the sunset. | ||
| Yeah, he was so fucking funny. | ||
| And, you know, you see so many videos of him online now. | ||
| Like, anytime anything comes up, there's always a Norm joke. | ||
| And you kind of forget that he's dead, you know, because he's so funny. | ||
| It's weird that it's like giving him a second life. | ||
| Kind of in a weird way because I think it's really unfortunate some of these guys who are brilliant like they don't get their due until obviously was huge and he was a weekend update guy did so much great stuff and movies and all that stuff but not what he deserved not what he deserved and I felt the same way about Greg Giraldo and about like Patrice I think a lot of those guys kind of didn't get the love they deserved I feel like if Patrice survived, he would be the number one podcaster in the world. | ||
| That's what I feel like. | ||
| I feel like the only reason why I'm number one is because Patrice isn't alive. | ||
| Because he was smart, but also hilarious, but also... | ||
| Did not give a fuck. | ||
| Like, did not give any fucks. | ||
| And would tell people to their face the most ridiculous shit that happened to be true. | ||
| And, you know, and he was the master at it. | ||
| He was so good at it. | ||
| Like, on Opie and Anthony, he was the best at calling people out on their bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then having points. | ||
| Him at his best was fucking... | ||
| Oh, he was so good. | ||
| But he did fuck around a lot, I think. | ||
| Like, I hear stories at the Cellar all the time. | ||
| They're like, God, we wish he would, like, try. | ||
| Because he would just not try sometimes. | ||
| He just didn't give a shit. | ||
| That's a lot of the ways those guys would come up with material. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| That was Damon Wayans' thing. | ||
| Damon Wayans, in my opinion, I still say this to this day, the most underrated of all the greats. | ||
| I think Damon Wayans is one of the all-time greats. | ||
| But he kind of stopped doing it. | ||
| In the height of his... | ||
| Have you ever seen this HBO special, The Last Stand? | ||
| He's like murdering to the point of... | ||
| Murdering. | ||
| He was so good, dude. | ||
| But I used to see him at the store all the time, and he would go on stage for an hour and a half with no material. | ||
| And he would murder. | ||
| He films every set. | ||
| He has a tape recorder in the back of the room, like a camera, that's filming every set, and he archives them all. | ||
| So he has like every set that he's ever done since like the 1990s. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And I saw him... | ||
| Just a few years back, I want to say five, six years ago at the improv, same thing. | ||
| He was starting to do stand-up again, had the camera out on stage fucking around, and that's how he would take a bit and then put words to it and pump it up and change it, but he would come up with the initial premise out of nothing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, there was no... | ||
| He was... | ||
| Silence. | ||
| Just talking. | ||
| People who write on stage like that, it's to me kind of insane. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| I wonder if his film career must have made him put stand-up on hold a bit. | ||
| Film and TV. Remember he had a TV series? | ||
| When you have a TV series, for those guys especially that were in the 90s, that was the golden carrot. | ||
| That was the thing. | ||
| You get a sitcom and that's what everybody wanted. | ||
| So even if you don't really necessarily think that's the best thing for you, like you know you can make money doing stand-up and traveling and doing the road, Those guys get tired. | ||
| They don't want to do the road anymore. | ||
| And then the sitcom job is so easy. | ||
| You just show up and you're getting a hundred grand a week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A hundred grand a week. | ||
| To just fucking say words. | ||
| It's not that hard. | ||
| In his movies, he's a good actor. | ||
| He was funny at that. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| I remember I did the Letterman show on Netflix and he was baffled by the fact that I put out a free special. | ||
| He was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He's like, I don't understand. | ||
| Because he came up in the era in the 80s where he was like, oh, I'm looking for a sitcom. | ||
| That was my whole thing. | ||
| So I was like, oh, no, we make money touring now. | ||
| That's how we do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so he was like, huh? | ||
| He was so intrigued by it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I remember when I was on a sitcom and I heard someone was doing the improv in Irvine and they did the whole week and they made 25 grand. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Did you make 25 grand doing this? | ||
| Because I was not at that level. | ||
| I wasn't selling anyplace out, so I was never making that kind of money for a weekend. | ||
| But I was like, that's what I make on a sitcom. | ||
| Like, it's the same money, but they're doing, like, stand-up. | ||
| And I'm kind of in this little velvet prison, you know, where I'm eating craft service, and I've got my own dressing room. | ||
| But it's a little weird. | ||
| It's not what I want. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fun thing to do. | ||
| It's a great gig. | ||
| And that gig was the perfect version of one of those gigs. | ||
| And you were good at it. | ||
| Super talented people. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Funny fucking human beings. | ||
| Great crew. | ||
| Everybody was great. | ||
| The cast in your show was so good. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Super, super fucking talented. | ||
| Phil Hartman's one of the funniest dudes of all time, I think. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Dave Foley, brilliant. | ||
| Andy Dick, hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maura Tierney, Candy Alexander, Vicki Lewis. | ||
| They were all amazing. | ||
| Steven Root, insane actor. | ||
| That dude's career is so cool. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| Yeah, he's in everything, I feel. | ||
| Everything I turn something on, I'm like, oh, dude, this dude's got more range than anybody. | ||
| And he was the only guy on the show that was playing a character. | ||
| He was playing Jimmy James. | ||
| Andy Dick was basically a steroided-up Andy Dick. | ||
| It was like Andy Dick on steroids. | ||
| I was kind of me. | ||
| I was like conspiracy theorists and you know all that stupid shit, but I love when they write that shit in Yeah, well that show was really good at that They were also really good at letting people improvise like Dave Foley was like a secret producer of that show because he would rewrite entire scenes Wow like we would get the script and then we would do our we would do a run-through right so the way sitcom works is You get a script, | ||
| you do a table read, and then after you get the table read, Tom Saronis, who is the director and the cast, we would all go, okay, let's put it on its legs. | ||
| And so we would start the scene, and then, you know, Dave would a lot of times go, Why is Andy coming in this way? | ||
| Why don't we have Andy hiding under his desk? | ||
| Because we're not supposed to be talking about him. | ||
| Or he's not supposed to know we're talking about him. | ||
| And then he pops up. | ||
| Oh, that's a great idea. | ||
| And then instead of that, how about he says this? | ||
| And Dave, because he'd come from Kids in the Hall, where they'd created all these insane sketches. | ||
| Kids in the Hall, super underrated show. | ||
| Super underrated show. | ||
| They were all so fucking good. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| And so Dave was so good at producing. | ||
| I just saw him on Fargo. | ||
| He's great in it. | ||
| He's great in everything. | ||
| He's an awesome actor. | ||
| He's a UFO nut. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Total believer. | ||
| Which is hilarious because when we were friends, he was always like, why do you care about all this stuff? | ||
| Why do you care? | ||
| We were on the sitcom together because I was always into UFOs and all kinds of stupid shit. | ||
| And he was like, what the fuck are you interested in this for? | ||
| This is all nonsense. | ||
| And then something happened. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| And then eventually he saw one. | ||
| And he had, like, a UFO experience. | ||
| He's a full-on believer now. | ||
| Which is fun. | ||
| It's fun for me. | ||
| I'm like, ooh, now you like them. | ||
| This is exciting. | ||
| Life's long, man. | ||
| Yeah, people change. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've changed. | ||
| It's cool, man. | ||
| It's cool you had that experience. | ||
| You've had, like, a lot of lives in comedy. | ||
| I mean, you do the sitcom and then have your game show and then you're doing stand-up and the podcast. | ||
| And it's like, wow, you can have a lot of lives in this shit. | ||
| The thing is, I got super lucky, for sure, in a lot of these things, but also, everything I do is something I actually like doing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which makes it real easy. | ||
| Makes it real easy to show up for something, like today. | ||
| Like, I wasn't thinking, oh, I gotta talk to Sam. | ||
| It was like, we're going to have fun. | ||
| Let's go have fun. | ||
| No, it's pumped. | ||
| Yeah, it's all good. | ||
| It's all a good thing. | ||
| So if you could find a job that you actually enjoy doing, you'll probably excel at it if you pay attention to it. | ||
| Yeah, work hard and do your best. | ||
| And next thing you know, it's working. | ||
| But it's like all those things. | ||
| Especially working for the UFC and doing stand-up and podcasting. | ||
| It's all things I like doing. | ||
| UFC is your number one sport by far, right? | ||
| It's the only thing I really know in boxing. | ||
| Boxing, not as much as UFC, but it's the only thing I really, really know. | ||
| I don't really know basketball. | ||
| I don't really know football. | ||
| I kind of understand who's popular. | ||
| I'm friends with Aaron Rodgers. | ||
| I don't fucking even know the rules. | ||
| I hope they do well. | ||
| I'm not a Jets fan. | ||
| I'm a Giants fan, but I want the Jets to thrive. | ||
| Jets fans deserve it. | ||
| They do, and having him blow his fucking Achilles out at the beginning of the season. | ||
| It was the most New York Jets shit that has ever happened. | ||
| Here's why we're so New York Jets, because they still won the fucking game somehow. | ||
| You know it's going to be a bad season. | ||
| No, he... | ||
| I was pumped for the Jets when they got him, and I saw him at a Knicks game, and I was kind of like, ooh, Aaron, like, it's cool he's in the building. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Have you ever met him? | ||
| No, I've never met him, but I was kind of just like, wow, he's like... | ||
| I mean, I love football, so I love, you know... | ||
| I always admired him as a quarterback. | ||
| I just thought he was great. | ||
| He's a cool guy. | ||
| I hung out with him in Vegas this last trip for the UFC. He came to the fights, and we all went out to dinner afterwards. | ||
| He's just a fun guy to hang out with. | ||
| Just genuinely cool. | ||
| Real easy, down-to-earth, friendly to everybody, easy to talk to, cool as shit. | ||
| I wonder when he's going to be 100%. | ||
| My wife's a big football fan. | ||
| Who's your team? | ||
| She likes a lot of teams, but she was happy for Aaron Rodgers being on the Jets because she had met Aaron too. | ||
| She had met Aaron when he was on the podcast too. | ||
| And so we went to see them play the Dallas Cowboys. | ||
| It's my first time ever seeing an NFL game. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And in that stadium they have in Dallas, the stadium is fantastic. | ||
| Fucking insane. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| Enormous television screens. | ||
| There's no bad seat in the house. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| And we were on the 50-yard line. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| But Aaron wasn't there because he had blown his Achilles out. | ||
| It's a bummer. | ||
| So I was like, I'll go to a game with you. | ||
| We'll go to the game. | ||
| We'll see my friend. | ||
| I would love that. | ||
| Yeah, I love, I love, I mean, the only problem with going to games in fucking Jersey, it's like such a trek to get there. | ||
| Like, I go to a Knicks or a Rangers game, it's 20 blocks from me. | ||
| Like, I'm in and out, you know? | ||
| Even a Yankees game, like, I love baseball still. | ||
| Like, I still love, like, I think baseball still, like, I know it's had a tough run for the last 20 years or so. | ||
| Let them get back on steroids. | ||
| I would love it. | ||
| Let those guys get giant and crush that ball. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| How cool is that shit? | ||
| What kind of nonsense is this, keeping baseball players from doing steroids? | ||
| That was two of the biggest problems in baseball was, one, not letting Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame. | ||
| He's the best fucking hitter in, what, 50 years? | ||
| Somebody likes that gamble. | ||
| He also gambled on stealing bases. | ||
| What's the next commercial? | ||
| FanDuel, DraftKings, and Winbet, you fucking hypocrites? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yes, it's crazy. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You shouldn't gamble on your... | ||
| It's fucked up, but also, like, let it go. | ||
| You have to set... | ||
| We've talked about this before. | ||
| Separate the fucking game from that. | ||
| Bonds needs to be... | ||
| Bonds is the best hitter ever. | ||
| Bonds is the best fucking baseball player I've ever seen, personally. | ||
| He was on the sitcom I was on. | ||
| Barry Bonds? | ||
| Hardball, yeah. | ||
| That was the first sitcom. | ||
| The short-lived Hardball with Bruce Greenwood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Bruce Greenwood and Mike Starr. | ||
| Yeah, he was on it. | ||
| And it was before the steroids. | ||
| He was like normal-sized Barry Bonds. | ||
| His head got fucking... | ||
| He got giant, dude! | ||
| It's weird when you do so many steroids, your head gets big. | ||
| Everything got big. | ||
| His neck got big, his shoulders got big. | ||
| He probably gained 100 pounds. | ||
| He was fucking huge! | ||
| It was cool, though. | ||
| And Mark McGuire, same thing. | ||
| Those guys got giant. | ||
| Sammy Sosa, they all got giant. | ||
| How fucking gross was it watching Congress spend, like, 15 days on baseball the same year as Hurricane Katrina just because you want to shake hands with Raphael Palmeiro, you fucking fanboys? | ||
| Yeah, also, like, who cares if they do steroids? | ||
| Like, why is Congress involved in this when we're in international conflicts? | ||
| It was the crazy—because they love baseball. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I just read this Joe DiMaggio book, and every fucking—every politician is obsessed with Joe DiMaggio. | ||
| Of course, I mean, he's an American icon, but, like, they love baseball on another level, I feel like. | ||
| It's such— A historically American game. | ||
| I am kind of obsessed with that era of baseball. | ||
| I was reading a Lou Gehrig book and it was like, oh shit, this was like an immigrants game, but it was like white immigrants. | ||
| That's how fucking American this shit was. | ||
| They were like, you're letting the Irish play? | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Barry Bonds and Bruce Greenwood. | ||
| Oh yeah, he's good. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| Man, look at him. | ||
| He's a different dude. | ||
| Yeah, that was normal size athlete Barry Bonds. | ||
| But you know... | ||
| It was such a cool... | ||
| I mean, the stories of Babe Ruth are like the coolest shit I've ever heard. | ||
| Like, you can't... | ||
| Like, he was the dude. | ||
| He was like, I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna eat like shit, I'm gonna gamble, I'm gonna fuck a million women, and I'm gonna be the best player in the game. | ||
| But not just the best player in the game, the best player the game has ever seen at this point, like, by a mile. | ||
| He's hitting 60 homers a year, batting like 370, and he's just living like a fucking animal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then he had this sweet side where Lou Gehrig was this square. | ||
| He was a mama's boy. | ||
| He didn't go out and party. | ||
| He was very shy. | ||
| And Babe's like, ah, he's one of the best players ever. | ||
| I want to get to know him. | ||
| He'd eat at Lou Gehrig's mom's place. | ||
| He's going through a divorce. | ||
| He's fucking everyone. | ||
| He's like, I'll take a home-cooked meal. | ||
| And whenever he'd have a great interview, he'd give him his props. | ||
| He'd be like, is anyone touching my record? | ||
| No. | ||
| Except maybe this guy. | ||
| He'd put him over. | ||
| He was not just the best player and a fucking animal, but he was class. | ||
| I love that historical American shit. | ||
| You know, but... | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Oh, dude, he's so cool. | ||
| Look, like, that dude, look at him! | ||
| And he was fucking fast! | ||
| Look at his face! | ||
| That is a drinker's face, boy. | ||
| Oh, he put him back. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Oh, baseball in this era is kind of cool, and then, like, you got, like, the DiMaggio, like... | ||
| DiMaggio never was cool with Mantle, which is fucked up, because, like, he just looked at him as a waste. | ||
| He was like, you're a drinker, you never reach your talent. | ||
| Was mean to him till his death. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Till his death was not cool to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because he was so... | ||
| DiMaggio's so pure. | ||
| Man, we're talking about the fucking Kennedys earlier. | ||
| Blames RFK for killing his fucking Marilyn. | ||
| Yeah, probably did. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Probably did. | ||
| And he blames Sinatra for introducing her to the Kennedys. | ||
| It's like all that fucking Italian shit where he's like, you fucking traitor. | ||
| Yeah, he loved Marilyn. | ||
| Apparently he left flowers on her grave to the day she died. | ||
| But he left her. | ||
| He left her? | ||
| Because she couldn't procreate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Italians needed air. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She couldn't procreate? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, she had something wrong? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know that part. | ||
| So he left her, but he's like, I mean, he's like one of the most badass humans ever. | ||
| I mean, just like, it's crazy these dudes lost their career because they had to serve in the war. | ||
| Like, isn't that just fucking insane? | ||
| Ted Williams decorated fighter pilot because in his prime, Ted Williams has to go and he's like killing dudes in the war because he's like one of the best in the Air Force. | ||
| And meanwhile, DiMaggio is doing like, he's doing like exhibition games, but he still lost his prime because like we're at war and that's what you did back then. | ||
| But, like, Ted Williams had, like, 20-10 vision, so he's fucking a beast. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Not just the best hitter ever. | ||
| Ted Williams is also fucking murdering dudes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| Well, that makes sense why Ted Williams is so angry all the time, too. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because those stories, they leave that out. | ||
| He was always angry. | ||
| He fucking had to go to war. | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| J.D. Salinger. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They're all fucking damaged from the war. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That whole generation. | ||
| They're the greatest generation. | ||
| They're pretty fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, think about how many of our former presidents served. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Kennedy. | ||
| That's what you did. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| George W. Or H. H. W. Yeah. | ||
| He got shot down. | ||
| No, the other one was cheerleading. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| Isn't it funny that we look at him now as like, I wish our president was like that. | ||
| Meanwhile, back then, he was like this embarrassment. | ||
| I always said that once you start painting, shit's gone off the rails. | ||
| Well, when it's over and you start painting, you're just trying to get away the horrible memories of all the people that died unnecessarily because of your decisions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, if you're George W., and you're sitting around your ranch in Texas, and no one's around, you're sitting there sipping sweet tea, thinking about a million dead Iraqis for some bullshit weapons of mass destruction that didn't even exist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| You didn't need to do that. | ||
| No, he would be the saddest guy to do mushrooms with. | ||
| If you had to pick all the presidents to do mushrooms with, he would be the saddest because he would just start crying. | ||
| Because he's got to be sensitive. | ||
| He makes all those great paintings. | ||
| Not great paintings. | ||
| Makes all those paintings. | ||
| You know, he's got to be sensitive. | ||
| He's an artist. | ||
| He's an artist. | ||
| Loosely, we're using that term. | ||
| He's not out there shooting pigs out of a helicopter. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's, you know, doing, like, sensitive shit. | ||
| So you know he's thinking. | ||
| So he's probably thinking, like, what did I do? | ||
| What did I let that fucking Dick Cheney monster talk me into? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two terms. | ||
| Two terms. | ||
| Two terms, and now we look back and go, that was a sensible president. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You even look at those clips of Obama and Mitt Romney debating, and you're like, man, that was like 12 years ago, and it was so civil. | ||
| Not just civil. | ||
| Like, super friendly. | ||
| They weren't shitting on each other at all. | ||
| They're cordial. | ||
| They were just trying to debate the merits of their approach to the world. | ||
| McCain was the same way. | ||
| He wasn't that long ago. | ||
| I mean, I remember that clip where that woman was like, he's a Muslim, and McCain's like, no, he's trying to like... | ||
| Like, that's dead. | ||
| That moment's over. | ||
| It doesn't have to be. | ||
| I think it'll come back at some point. | ||
| I think there's a limit to this shit and it's gonna have to swing back to civility at some point. | ||
| Yeah, I think so too. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| I hope people realize the damage it's doing to us and that it's not helping anybody. | ||
| But the problem is social media. | ||
| The problem is it's like... | ||
| Social media and people's ability to constantly berate other people and constantly engage in these squabbles online and try to get people and post bad things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Soundbites. | |
| Dunking on someone's killing... | ||
| I remember when... | ||
| I forgot her name, but you'll know who she is. | ||
| There's a Hewlett Packard woman who was running for president. | ||
| You know who I'm talking about, right? | ||
| She was running in... | ||
| It was 2016 for the Republican primary. | ||
| And at the debate, like, she basically said that Trump called her ugly. | ||
| And it was like this big, like, we need a president who doesn't, like, speak like this. | ||
| Cara Carlton? | ||
| Carly Furina, that's who it was. | ||
| And I thought there was, like, this big moment where I'm like, yeah, you shouldn't talk to women like that. | ||
| That's pretty fucked up. | ||
| And then Trump immediately, like, got everyone back. | ||
| I was like, once he destroyed Jeb Bush, it was like, Yeah, the soundbites are working, so why are you going to stop doing this? | ||
| Well, that's also his entire career was, you're fired. | ||
| His entire show business career was, you're fired. | ||
| He was like the horror, get out of here, you're a loser. | ||
| You're fat, you're ugly, you're a crook. | ||
| It's very New York. | ||
| It's kind of like a trashy New York guy where you're like, you fucking nobody. | ||
| Well, politics is basically show business, and he was a professional showbiz guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So he was way better at show business. | ||
| Because politics is basically a popularity contest. | ||
| That was the first guy that was an actual popular person that entered into the popularity contest and actually knew how to manipulate the media. | ||
| And by saying ridiculous shit all the time, whether or not it was on purpose or not, that's what got all these news organizations to start following him, and that just made him more popular. | ||
| They thought they were exposing him. | ||
| Like, look what he said about the Mexicans. | ||
| But nobody cared. | ||
| Like, this guy's wild. | ||
| This is so much better than what we're used to. | ||
| The problem is other people were just not used to TV, right? | ||
| So they're just sticking to a script. | ||
| And when he goes off script, he was more comfortable. | ||
| And he saw how... | ||
| It was like a fucking boxing match. | ||
| They were just like, what the fuck's he doing? | ||
| Also, he's like a comic. | ||
| Like, when... | ||
| Who was it that asked him the question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| Who was it? | ||
| Megyn Kelly? | ||
| Was it Megyn Kelly that asked him the question? | ||
| Yeah, it was. | ||
| At the debates, you've said horrible things about women. | ||
| You've called them fat. | ||
| You've called them pigs. | ||
| He goes, only Rosie O'Donnell. | ||
| It's a punchline. | ||
| Got a big pop. | ||
| It crushes. | ||
| It crushes. | ||
| And you see her just like, oh my god. | ||
| What did I set him up? | ||
| I lobbed one his way and he just knocked it into the parking lot. | ||
| Fastball over the fucking plate. | ||
| He just crushed it. | ||
| His thing is so different. | ||
| She thought she had them here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Only Rosie O'Donnell. | |
| He's smiling. | ||
| He was proud of that one. | ||
| They're all clapping and cheering! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you expect her to do here? | |
| Thank you. | ||
| Hold the laugh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was well beyond Rose O'Connell. | |
| Yes, I'm sure it was. | ||
| You're trying to get yourself watching. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yes, I'm sure it was. | ||
| Yes, I'm sure it was. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Well, the guy's a character in a movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't seem real. | ||
| I said yesterday, I hope it's not a Stephen King movie. | ||
| But, you know, remember the Stephen King movie about the guy, like he shakes hands with the guy that's going to be present? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Martin Sheen, wasn't that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| That's a great movie. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| Chris Walken? | ||
| Yes, great movie. | ||
| Yeah, that ending, that fucking oof. | ||
| Oof, yeah. | ||
| Stephen King's made some good fucking shit. | ||
| Oh my god, get him back on coke. | ||
| Get him back on coke, give him Budweiser. | ||
| And a wide range of shit. | ||
| It's like, you're telling me this guy did that, Shawshank, and Misery? | ||
| Yeah, Stand By Me. | ||
| Stand By Me's great. | ||
| I just watched it the other day with my family. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| It was amazing. | ||
| That last line fucked me. | ||
| It always fucks me up when he's like, none of us had friends when we were 12. I'm like, fuck you, Richard Dreyfuss. | ||
| Yeah, this is the thing he holds his hand and he realizes... | ||
| Yeah, they did a great SNL parody of this. | ||
| Yeah, this guy's gonna be Hitler. | ||
| He's gonna be the one who kills us all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pressing the button. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good movie, man. | ||
| That was scary as fuck. | ||
| Well, that's what they're always trying to scare us about with Trump, that he's gonna do that and start World War III and kill us all. | ||
| But the problem is, This administration looks like they're on the verge of starting us into World War III, and when Trump was in office, that didn't happen. | ||
| And here's the thing that they need to address. | ||
| Everybody keeps saying, he's going to be a dictator, he's going to do that. | ||
| That would be more sellable if we didn't have four years of him actually being the president and doing none of those things. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, the thing is, hindsight's everything, right? | ||
| Like, you look back, like, people said the same thing about, like, everyone hated Eisenhower, but then you look back and you're like, these weren't bad times, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, with Trump, with any, look, we all want to avoid World War III. That's, I think, I would hope. | ||
| At all costs. | ||
| Part of me is, like, maybe Trump is such a fucking narcissist that he doesn't want the world to end. | ||
| Yeah, because he wants to do well while he's in charge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| For whatever motivation, whatever fuck it takes you to keep us from killing each other. | ||
| He does terrify me. | ||
| I don't fucking feel, like, safe with him as a president. | ||
| Do you feel safe with Biden as a president, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Of course not. | ||
| The country's in shambles. | ||
| Things are fucking bad. | ||
| I don't feel safe with anybody as president. | ||
| I don't buy their narrative. | ||
| When you find out that they lied about Russiagate for fucking six years. | ||
| That was the beginning of the end. | ||
| When that's your whole thing, the Steele dossier is your whole thing, that was really the undoing of a lot of cable news, I think. | ||
| They thought they could get away with it because they have gotten away with it before, which makes you think, how many of the stories, other than the ones we know about, like the weapons of mass destruction and all the... | ||
| How many of the stories were bullshit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many of the stories that ruined the lives of countless millions of people? | ||
| How many of those stories were bullshit? | ||
| You can't go all in on a bad hand and they did it again and again. | ||
| And again and again. | ||
| And you gotta make sure you have a fucking royal flush. | ||
| But dude, they did it with me with the COVID thing. | ||
| With the ivermectin thing. | ||
| They did it with me. | ||
| Well, they did it with a lot of things. | ||
| They did, but the COVID one was crazy because they were all coordinated calling it horse dewormer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's like every news organization was calling it horse dewormer and trying to mock me like... | ||
| Hey guys, I can talk too. | ||
| Like, are you fucking stupid? | ||
| But their whole game up until social media and up until podcasts was they were the only ones talking. | ||
| So they could set a narrative and no one could do anything about it. | ||
| They could decide that you're a this or you're a that and then they push that out there and that was the end of it. | ||
| Then you got labeled as this or that. | ||
| But with podcasts, podcasts got bigger than them and they hadn't realized it yet. | ||
| By a lot. | ||
| I mean, that's the thing is, you know, I saw your thing with Sanjay Gupta, and he seemed apologetic, you know, but... | ||
| Sorta. | ||
| Sorta. | ||
| Until he left. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he left and went and talked to Don Lemon, and Don Lemon was still saying the same, but it is used for horses. | ||
| It is a dewormer for horses. | ||
| He's my neighbor. | ||
| I saw him drunk on the street the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Friendliest guy. | ||
| I mean, he goes, I just saw Mark Norman at the Beacon. | ||
| And I was like, alright, you know? | ||
| He was talking to you? | ||
| Yeah, he said, what's up to me on the street? | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, and he goes, I just saw Mark Norman at the Beacon. | ||
| It was a great show. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| Well, I'm sure he's probably okay. | ||
| Yeah, he just seemed like a nice guy. | ||
| He was stuck in a bad situation, a bad position that corrupts everyone. | ||
| It's bad for everybody. | ||
| Everyone on that network was terrible. | ||
| They were all propagandists. | ||
| It's weird to think about how fortunate the generations were when, like, news wasn't constant. | ||
| You gotta break. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Colin Quinn's got a great bit now. | ||
| Like, you go to the bathroom and you're like, what did I miss? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I mean, but that's fucking bad for the world. | ||
| Like, I miss, you know, even back in the day, like, it was on twice a day, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was over. | ||
| You got, like, Simpsons reruns and you're like, all right, shit's peaceful. | ||
| If you really wanted to go crazy, you'd read the New York Times and you'd get all the news. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you really wanted, but who did that? | ||
| Very few people do that. | ||
| Yeah, but most people that, you know, weren't terrified of everything, weren't reading everything that's going on in fucking Sudan and what's going on in Asia, what's going on here and there. | ||
| And now it's like we're being inundated by all of the bad news, because the bad news is the stuff that really gets people captivated. | ||
| So it's all the bad news of the entire world and none of the good news. | ||
| It's like the most distorted version of reality ever. | ||
| All the bad news. | ||
| And then you go out and you talk to people and you're like, are we that divided? | ||
| I think that's kind of what I feel. | ||
| Just touring the country, I feel... | ||
| The interactions I have with people are good and solid. | ||
| But we also have to remember those are comedy fans, which are the people that are going to be the most reasonable. | ||
| The people that's looking for the humor in things. | ||
| You know, not saying, there's a transgenocide! | ||
| They're not going to come to your show. | ||
| The transgenocide people are not going to come to your show. | ||
| So it's the people that are, you know, they're kind of realizing, like, we need humor. | ||
| Humor is an important part of civilization. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't even mean just comedy. | ||
| You interact with people at restaurants or whoever you see on the street. | ||
| For the most part, I've had two fights on the road, like arguments, and it's fucking quick. | ||
| It's usually over bullshit. | ||
| Gary Veeder and I are very... | ||
| We're both New Yorkers, so it's like we can't help but do a confrontation. | ||
| There was a woman being berated at my fucking... | ||
| We were at the gate at a morning flight at Columbus, and a woman was just yelling at a fucking TSA agent who was just doing her job. | ||
| She had nothing wrong. | ||
| But it was a woman with two kids with her, and she goes, you're an idiot. | ||
| Wow, you're so dumb. | ||
| And we're just looking at each other like, it's 8 a.m., we're barely awake, but it's pretty fucked up, right? | ||
| And we're like, yeah, that's really mean. | ||
| And she just kept going, you're so dumb. | ||
| I'm gonna get you fired. | ||
| And then finally we're just like, hey, I just go, lady, enough. | ||
| And Gary goes, you're a nobody. | ||
| Like, that's how he does. | ||
| He's like a New York kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And she turns around, she goes, fuck you, you're short to Gary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And he goes, you should see me without my shirt on. | ||
| I was like, we had her. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Why did he say you should see me without my shirt on? | ||
| Because he works out. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| But I'm like, dude, we're comics. | ||
| We could kill this woman. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| You should have taken the shirt off. | ||
| Should've got down in his underwear. | ||
| They probably would've arrested him for terrorism. | ||
| But we were laughing, and the woman was like, thank you. | ||
| But I'm like, when do we ever fight with people? | ||
| Occasionally we do that shit, but most people are so cool that you meet. | ||
| Most people... | ||
| I miss small towns, like you'll go to Appleton, and they don't talk politics. | ||
| They're living in 1994, and it's rude to talk politics. | ||
| And you're like, we keep that to yourself. | ||
| And I'm like, man, I almost missed that point in time when it was like, you just led with other shit. | ||
| That wasn't your whole... | ||
| Sure, we make fun of people sometimes who are like, these are my pronouns, but isn't it equally kind of annoying with people who lead with their political affiliation? | ||
| Just as bad. | ||
| I would say worse. | ||
| Or their diet, or their exercise routine, or yoga. | ||
| Anything. | ||
| Or anything. | ||
| Like some people, they're just always trying to define themselves to you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They always want to define themselves in a very nice way. | ||
| So you're just one thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all you are? | ||
| So I do kind of miss those types of people who are like, hey, let's bond over something else other than the world ending. | ||
| Yeah, but when people don't have any legitimate conflict in their life, they manufacture conflict. | ||
| And they have to trauma bond with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| God! | ||
| Yeah, I have PTSD from the last four years when Trump was in office. | ||
| I can't do this again. | ||
| I'm moving to Canada. | ||
| Ted Williams killed people. | ||
| By the way, I know, exactly. | ||
| Not to mention, like, I'm moving to Canada, and I'm like, you think Canada just wants all of our fucking whiners? | ||
| Yeah, listen, not only that, but Canada has, like, ridiculous free speech laws. | ||
| They have hate speech laws. | ||
| They can come down on you for a lot of things. | ||
| They seized up the bank accounts of people that were protesting the truckers. | ||
| Oh, that was a fun time. | ||
| The people that were donating to the truckers, they seized their bank accounts. | ||
| Like, yeah, that's not a good place. | ||
| It's not a good place under this administration, at least. | ||
| Yeah, where do you go? | ||
| They went sideways. | ||
| Canada was an amazing place 10 years ago. | ||
| You go to Canada 10 years ago, it was awesome. | ||
| I was always saying that I love Canada. | ||
| It's like 20% less douchebags. | ||
| What do you like in Canada? | ||
| I love Montreal. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Montreal's amazing. | ||
| Beautiful city. | ||
| I love Toronto. | ||
| I love Vancouver. | ||
| I love Canada. | ||
| Vancouver's one of the most beautiful cities. | ||
| I don't go to Canada anymore. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| No. | ||
| You want to do a gig there? | ||
| Not while that guy's president. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Or whatever he is. | ||
| Prime minister. | ||
| These people are fans of yours. | ||
| They want to see you still. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Get rid of that guy. | ||
| I'll come back. | ||
| I just don't trust any of it up there. | ||
| I just think they're so far into tyranny right now. | ||
| The laws that they're passing, the shit that they're doing, the erosion of people's rights, I don't want to support it. | ||
| I think it's fucking horrible. | ||
| Yeah, but I think a lot of people there just want to laugh. | ||
| I think people need a laugh. | ||
| Oh yeah, they definitely need a laugh. | ||
| They're in the middle of a full-blown communist takeover. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a scary spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| But it used to be amazing. | ||
| I used to say that Canada's 20% less douchebags. | ||
| Like, the people are 20% nicer than most people that you meet in America. | ||
| Yeah, they're polite. | ||
| That's why they get roped into all this shit. | ||
| That's why they get roped into hate speech laws, because they want to be kind. | ||
| They want to be good people. | ||
| And they don't realize, like, compelled speech has a terrible ending. | ||
| It always ends in communism, because someone has to compel that speech. | ||
| Who does? | ||
| The people with guns. | ||
| And they tell you what to do. | ||
| And then you have violence that is enforced to get people to follow a doctrine that they may or may not believe in. | ||
| Yeah, I think you just gotta be pro-free speech. | ||
| I mean, for all the awful shit people can say, you still just have to be pro-free speech. | ||
| That's Elon's take on it, you know? | ||
| And that's what they're doing with Twitter. | ||
| Well, the weird thing about Twitter now is like... | ||
| For all the shit people will say about Elon, I think like, look at the other social media platforms. | ||
| Everything gets, anything, there's like trigger words. | ||
| They'll be like, you said the word Nazi. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I condemn them in a joke. | ||
| And they're like, well, it got buried because you said that. | ||
| And you're like, cool, that feels like some Nazi shit. | ||
| I can't use irony. | ||
| I can't be sarcastic. | ||
| That's the evil of like, I think, when they bury, you are, it's a different type of censorship, but you are, you know, It's really weird because Twitter used to be the worst place for that. | ||
| Twitter was the place where the FBI literally, like the whole Twitter files when Elon took over, and they had Matt Taibbi and Michael Schellenberger and all these guys like investigating. | ||
| When they went into it and they were like, oh my god, the government was literally trying to stop legitimate professors at Stanford and people at Harvard and MIT from talking about their area of expertise. | ||
| They were trying to label them as kooks and get them kicked off of Twitter. | ||
| The whole thing was fucking bananas. | ||
| And if he didn't buy Twitter... | ||
| People used to get their accounts suspended a lot on Twitter, remember that? | ||
| All the time. | ||
| But now it's more like Instagram. | ||
| TikTok's ridiculous, obviously. | ||
| I mean, that one is like, good luck. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| But even YouTube has kind of changed a little bit. | ||
| I mean, YouTube is... | ||
| Everyone's changing is my thing but YouTube is like it's kind of shocking like my issue is like they keep moving the goalpost in but there's no guidebook they're not telling any of us what's not okay they're just kind of making up the rules as they go along and they ban people's accounts they don't even tell them why it's kind of your account is violated our terms of service and then that's it and then you have no recourse and you spend a lot of time and money building up these platforms and they're like sorry yep well that's it's pretty fucked up because you know especially now during the election During the election time, | ||
| now they're really clamping down on that. | ||
| And there's a lot of people getting shadow banned, allegedly. | ||
| And then there was a thing that Elon just released where he said that European governments, they were saying that they would be willing to give them money to have certain platforms censor certain political speech. | ||
| And Elon was the only one who said no. | ||
| And he talked about it publicly. | ||
| He said these other groups, these other social media platforms complied. | ||
| And I'm telling you about this. | ||
| You need to know. | ||
| It's pretty weird because they just keep moving the goalposts in. | ||
| I mean, it's bad. | ||
| I see comics now kind of working toward the algorithm and it is bad for entertainment and for art and stuff like that. | ||
| And I get annoyed when comics are just like shocking for the sake of being shocking and lazy, but I don't think they should be fucking silenced. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They shouldn't be silenced, but you're always going to have people that try things that don't work out, right? | ||
| Especially in an open-ended art form like comedy, where you're the writer, you're the producer, you're the editor, and you're delivering it. | ||
| So you're everything. | ||
| You're the whole thing. | ||
| And you're fucking around, and you're trying to come up with ways. | ||
| Maybe you're desperate, so you try to figure out a way to juke the system and try to figure out a way to get your stuff seen and heard. | ||
| And you say things you might not even mean, but you think it's going to be good. | ||
| It'll work. | ||
| It's a little tool for you. | ||
| And you're trying. | ||
| And those guys, you know, they're not our favorite, the guys that do stupid shit like that. | ||
| But they should exist. | ||
| Yeah, they exist, but maybe they can get better one day. | ||
| A lot of us sucked in the beginning and better now. | ||
| And over time, learn. | ||
| You keep working at it. | ||
| And it's an open-ended thing. | ||
| You eventually figure it out. | ||
| You were talking about last night. | ||
| There's guys that it takes them a minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it should take you a minute. | ||
| I think a lot of the comics don't hit their stride until they hit like 40. Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, because you actually develop a nuanced take on life. | ||
| You've had a bunch of bad relationships, you've had a bunch of bad business deals, you've been fucked over by clubs. | ||
| Bad is good for comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Your life, anytime bad happens to me, I'm like, fuck, it's a bit. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Isn't that crazy that, like, it's such a beautiful thing that something horrible can go wrong? | ||
| I remember the first time I did your show, I took me three flights to get to a gig that I missed, and I'm like, that's like my opener in my new special, you know? | ||
| It's like this long story, this hell travel day, and I'm like, this sucks, but we're very fortunate to have this outlet for that, you know? | ||
| Yeah, and I think, just me, if I didn't do it, if I never did comedy again, or if I never had done it, I still would love it. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things to watch, because it takes you away. | ||
| It puts you in this place, and it's like a drug. | ||
| Like, it makes you feel better. | ||
| You know, when someone's on stage killing, and you're laughing, you're like, ah! | ||
| You feel better. | ||
| It's an amazing feeling to laugh at something. | ||
| To be able to do that for a living, we're the luckiest people alive, dude. | ||
| I was just on Burt's Fully Loaded thing. | ||
| It's so fun, dude. | ||
| It was such a good group of people, and he turned into an adult summer camp. | ||
| He's bringing ice plunges. | ||
| He brought a personal trainer. | ||
| We're doing batting practice during the day. | ||
| One day, Chad Daniels and I are fucking hooping dudes. | ||
| I'm like, this is fucking fun. | ||
| Me, Burt, Kyle Kinane are surfing. | ||
| We're hungover. | ||
| I'm like, we're going to puke in the water. | ||
| I remember one night, I'm just watching Dave Attell on stage. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Oh, this is, like, the best. | ||
| Like, you just get to, like... | ||
| He's, like, one dude that, like, brings me back to, like, forgetting. | ||
| Like, oh, yeah. | ||
| It's so pure funny. | ||
| It's, like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not, like, anything, no agenda. | ||
| It's just pure jokes. | ||
| And you're, like, oh, yeah. | ||
| He had that joke about, like, fucking... | ||
| But me, I'm a Biden man. | ||
| Hunter Biden. | ||
| And, like, that's, like, a fucking great bait-and-switch, you know? | ||
| Or, like... | ||
| Or the joke about, like, I got hit by a guy on a city bike the other day. | ||
| It was my fault. | ||
| I was on the sidewalk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they're just like pure silly jokes and you're just like transported to like being a kid. | ||
| I remember seeing him as a kid at Caroline's and being like, oh, this is what it's all about. | ||
| Yeah, he's just trying to be silly. | ||
| And he's the best at it. | ||
| And he's another guy that just doesn't... | ||
| He's not a promoter, right? | ||
| So he's not as popular as he really should be based on how good he is. | ||
| And it's kind of up to us to let everybody know... | ||
| I always feel obligated to let everybody know. | ||
| When he was at the club, I came and watched one of his sets. | ||
| I sat for the whole set, which I don't ordinarily do. | ||
| I came in on a night where I wasn't working just to watch. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| And after it, I couldn't wait to do stand-up again. | ||
| I was like, I can't wait to go on stage. | ||
| He's so quick. | ||
| There was one time I used to go through the audience to the bathroom at the Comedy Cellar, and three dudes came out at the same time all wearing glasses, and he goes, what is that, a nerd portal? | ||
| To come up with that line off the cuff, I'm like, God, he's fucking good at this. | ||
| Yeah, he's always fast off the cuff. | ||
| Like, he does that thing at the end where he brings comics on stage. | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
| Terrifying, because he also... | ||
| Because he's Obi-Wan. | ||
| He's Obi-Wan. | ||
| He's the Jedi. | ||
| And on top of that, he's loose, because he's been killing for 45 minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he brings you on stage. | ||
| You know, so it's kind of unfair. | ||
| You're cold. | ||
| You're in the bag. | ||
| Like, hey, Dave, grab a mic. | ||
| Okay, hey. | ||
| And he shits on you if you don't say anything funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's awesome. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| Yeah, he'll fuck with you. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I love that though. | ||
| When you're like, few comics were like, usually I'm watching it and I'm being like, good joke. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| That was cool. | ||
| But he's like one of the only dudes that I'm like, holy shit, I'm just like giggling. | ||
| This is so stupid. | ||
| I feel like a kid. | ||
| It's also all he cares about and all he does. | ||
| He gets up in the morning, he reads the paper, he smokes cigarettes, he writes jokes. | ||
| And when he goes to a town, he always has new jokes about the town. | ||
| I learned that from him. | ||
| He had the local paper. | ||
| I was like, local, what are you doing? | ||
| And then we'd leave a diner at 4 a.m., and he'd order a large iced coffee to go. | ||
| I'd be like, what are you doing? | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind! | ||
| But, you know, yeah, he's just like, he's as pure a comic. | ||
| It's like, we're so lucky to have him in New York because he just like, and he's so good to the young comics. | ||
| I see the new, he'll be like, he called me and he was like, oh, I like following this new guy because he's like, he's got good stuff and he's bringing the heat. | ||
| So he's like, you know, he's aware of it. | ||
| Yeah, no, he's a national treasure, like, legitimately. | ||
| And I tell everybody, if you get a chance, like, go to his website if he even has one. | ||
| He has one. | ||
| He doesn't run it. | ||
| I remember we were doing a road gig once, and he, like, as we're driving, I was like, how do you post this picture? | ||
| He's like, oh, I don't do that shit. | ||
| Like, he has someone doing everything, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it's always like hilarious because it's like he just writes the caption and sends a bunch. | ||
| So it would be him be like, amazing weekend in like, you know, Hartford. | ||
| And he'll just be like this, like angry in the photo. | ||
| It like never matches because he sends it to another person. | ||
| But, you know, he's... | ||
| He still has a flip phone. | ||
| Yeah, he is too. | ||
| Yeah, he has an iPhone that he uses. | ||
| But he only uses the flip phone. | ||
| Most of the time when he texts you, it's like... | ||
| He was sitting here texting someone. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| I go, what are you doing? | ||
| He's sending Morse code, and I was realizing he was texting. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god, you still text like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's old school. | ||
| Well, he went iPhone for a while, and then he realized, like, I'm too in my head with this. | ||
| He doesn't like it. | ||
| I'm gonna go back to it. | ||
| Yeah, it's the better way. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| You see it with him. | ||
| The results speak for themselves. | ||
| Yeah, you're not distracted. | ||
| I mean, Aziz went to a flip phone, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| Yeah, he talked about it on stage. | ||
| He was like, I got my brain back. | ||
| He goes, yeah, I can't get directions or anything like that, but I got my brain back. | ||
| He's in Europe, too. | ||
| He's like, he's totally... | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| I think his wife is in London. | ||
| I think he just moved there. | ||
| I haven't seen him forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, some of those guys, you know, they just, like, they get hit hard once with a big cancellation, and you're like, what am I doing? | ||
| No, he's... | ||
| That's over. | ||
| Yeah, but I know, but, I mean, that thing changes, like, your... | ||
| It just changes your outlook on stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I'm sure. | ||
| I mean, that was... | ||
| Well, when it's written on babe.net, you know it's legit. | ||
| And, uh... | ||
| Definitely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Balanced, nuanced perspective on who he is. | |
| Yeah, that was a weird one. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| My brother, thank you very much for being here. | ||
| Thank you so much, man. | ||
| Let's have fun tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're going to have a good time. | |
| I can't wait, yeah. | ||
| It's going to be exciting. | ||
| Tell everybody your social media, where to see your shit, your special. | ||
| New special, Samorell, you've changed on Prime Video. | ||
| I'm all over the road. | ||
| I got like... | ||
| Prime's doing a bunch of them now, huh? | ||
| I think a few. | ||
| I think they did a Bill Burr one. | ||
| I think Bill's doing his next one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hulu. | |
| He's doing Hulu. | ||
| Oh, you're right. | ||
| A bunch of other people have done Prime, too. | ||
| A few people have done Prime. | ||
| Yeah, that was by far my best offer. | ||
| And once I saw how they treated people in the warehouse, I was like, I want to be on board. | ||
| So... | ||
| No, they've been good to me. | ||
| So I got that. | ||
| I got, you know, I'm all over. | ||
| I got, like, Miami, Baltimore. | ||
| I'm trying to build a material back up. | ||
| I'm doing a Euro tour, so all over Europe, like London, Belfast, all that shit. | ||
| And I post a lot of shit on punchup.live slash Sam Morrell, because... | ||
| What is PunchUp.Live? | ||
| My friend Danny Frankel started it. | ||
| He used to work at Facebook, and he hates censorship of comedians. | ||
| So PunchUp is where I gather emails. | ||
| It's like Patreon, but I don't take money. | ||
| I just want emails so I can blast you when I come to your city. | ||
| I don't spam you. | ||
| It's just PunchUp.Live slash Sam Morrell slash sign up or just whatever. | ||
| I post gigs. | ||
| I post bonus stuff that I won't post elsewhere because I don't want it to get... | ||
| Buried on some horse shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's good. | ||
| He cares about comedy. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I'll check that out. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Beautiful. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| Thanks, brother. | ||
| Appreciate it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. |
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