April 5, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:11:06
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Netflix special. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| Netflix special live from the mothership, streaming on Netflix right now. | ||
| The first special live from the mothership to be streamed on Netflix. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| How's that? | ||
| It's exciting, man. | ||
| It's great, too, man. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| You nailed it. | ||
| You fucking nailed it. | ||
| It's getting a good positive response from the comedy community, too. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| Beautiful. | ||
| Everybody's loving it. | ||
| Yeah, this is going to keep going. | ||
| Keep getting stronger now. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's such a nice feeling, man. | ||
| It's so nice to watch this happen for you because, you know, you were one of the guys that came out here early. | ||
| You took an early risk. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| You know, a lot of people in the beginning were like, what the fuck is everybody doing moving to Texas in the middle of the pandemic? | ||
| Yeah, but, you know, honestly, it didn't feel like that big of a risk. | ||
| Well, maybe at the time. | ||
| I don't remember, man, but it felt like an easy decision when I made it. | ||
| But it was a last minute thing. | ||
| I literally, from the time I decided to move, like I'm moving to the time I moved, I think it was like a month. | ||
| Yeah, it was quick for me too, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I came out here in May of 2020. I started looking at houses immediately. | ||
| There was a little hesitation with Mrs. Rogan. | ||
| The girls were really into it right away because when we got out here you could jump in the lake. | ||
| People were partying. | ||
| We went on a boat. | ||
| My real estate agent's a genius. | ||
| She took us out on the lake. | ||
| And she showed us, like, this is the life out here. | ||
| Like, people are having fun. | ||
| And everybody was terrified in L.A. Everybody was wearing masks outside. | ||
| And here, like, no one had masks on outside. | ||
| You go to restaurants. | ||
| And my daughters just wanted a life, a real life. | ||
| And that's back when they were, like, they were fucking with the store. | ||
| Bad. | ||
| It was so crazy for the store to be two blocks from, what's that country bar? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Roadhouse? | ||
| Saddle Ranch. | ||
| Saddle Ranch. | ||
| It was two blocks from Saddle Ranch. | ||
| And Saddle Ranch had, you know, a hundred people out there with little dividers between them and everything. | ||
| And then the store, they tried to do the same thing, but they put comedy outside with like dividers in front of everybody and everything. | ||
| And the city was still like, no, that's live performance. | ||
| Shut it down. | ||
| We couldn't do comedy through the fucking window. | ||
| My friend's brother worked for the city and worked in the COVID department. | ||
| And one of the women who was in charge of making the decision to close down outdoor dining, he said to her, there's no evidence that outdoor dining causes a spread. | ||
| And she said, yeah, but it's about optics. | ||
| It's about optics. | ||
| So some person who none of their money is dependent upon business being open, they get that same check every week. | ||
| That check is, that's what you get. | ||
| You work for the fucking state. | ||
| This is my check. | ||
| She didn't give a fuck about just stopping millions and millions of dollars in business and stopping all these restaurants from being able to stay alive. | ||
| All these people that bust. | ||
| You ever worked in a restaurant? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| That's work, man. | ||
| That's work. | ||
| When I was... | ||
| I guess I was 21. I was dating this girl who... | ||
| She got a degree in hotel management and hospitality. | ||
| Like that kind of thing. | ||
| And dude, the hours that she had to work were crazy. | ||
| Right out of college, she was working like... | ||
| All day long. | ||
| 12-hour days were normal. | ||
| And if you were a manager, you'd come in on Saturday if they needed you. | ||
| You'd do everything that they ask you to do. | ||
| And you don't make any money. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's grueling. | |
| The amount of money that a restaurant makes. | ||
| A restaurant has to be really killing it to make money. | ||
| Generally, they're just above the part where they're losing money. | ||
| Just above. | ||
| If they're packed, they're doing great, but there's nights that they're not packed, and you've got all this food you bought. | ||
| That's how most comedy clubs are running. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| We're living in some dreamland. | ||
| Yeah, well, yeah, Mothership doesn't have to worry about that at all. | ||
| I don't know how that happened so well. | ||
| It's crazy how it happened so well. | ||
| Yeah, every single night. | ||
| We could have never. | ||
| Brian and I, for people who don't know, we would sit in the green room of the Vulcan. | ||
| And this was the dark days where no one knew what was going to happen with live performance anywhere. | ||
| There was no touring. | ||
| Nobody was touring. | ||
| Well, Bert was touring still. | ||
| He was doing parking lots. | ||
| He was doing those drive-in shows. | ||
| He's a savage. | ||
| He was the only one. | ||
| Eliza did it too. | ||
| Yeah, him and Eliza, right. | ||
| A few other people did it too. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| But Burt invented the drive-in thing. | ||
| But the point is, it was weird. | ||
| We didn't know what was gonna happen. | ||
| And then we would be talking about, we gotta build a club. | ||
| Because Ron White literally grabbed me by my shoulders. | ||
|
unidentified
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It was like, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're opening up a fucking club here. | |
| He goes, we're gonna fucking keep doing this. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| We gotta keep doing this. | ||
| It was literally Ron White grabbing me in November of 2020. It was the first time he had been on stage. | ||
| And he crushed. | ||
| Not only did he crush, the ovation that he got when he was walking to that stage. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I forget who brought him up. | ||
| I think it was Duncan. | ||
| I forget who brought him up. | ||
| But whoever brought him up, the fucking ovation that he got was so insane. | ||
| You saved him too? | ||
| Because he went from retiring to now he's on the road again. | ||
| Yeah, I was telling him you're never retiring. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| They invited me to his retirement party. | ||
| I go, I'm not going to your fugazi retirement party. | ||
| There's no way that's real. | ||
| You're not quitting. | ||
| You're one of the best comics alive. | ||
| You get to do one of the most amazing things. | ||
| Make people happy. | ||
| Make a bunch of people just laugh and feel so good. | ||
| And he's better than ever. | ||
| Better than ever. | ||
| Better than ever. | ||
| Sharper than ever. | ||
| Always writing and enthusiastic. | ||
| Like, he's revived. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I think dudes get to a certain age where they have this thing in their head where, oh, this is not my thing anymore. | ||
| I'm gonna just, like, settle. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Are you alive? | ||
| Are you alive? | ||
| Can you still kill? | ||
| You can still do it, right? | ||
| George Carlin died on the road, son. | ||
| He died in a hotel room like a fucking soldier. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| He was like a thousand years old, still whining about the country. | ||
| You know, and George Carlin had a career that lasted for like 50 plus years. | ||
| Yeah, and Bob Saget died on the road? | ||
| Bob Saget died tragically. | ||
| That's a horrible one, man. | ||
| Fell, blacked out, fell, and hit his head. | ||
| You know, we saw our friend Duncan the other night black out. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Duncan fainted at the Black Keys concert, and he didn't know he was fainting. | ||
| He didn't know what was going on. | ||
| And I caught it. | ||
| Red Band grabbed me. | ||
| And he goes, look, what's going on over here with Duncan? | ||
| And I got over to him and our security guy had caught him before he fell. | ||
| But I thought he tripped over this box because it was like open, you know those boxes they use for equipment? | ||
| Because we were backstage, we were in the corner, we had this dope spot to watch the show. | ||
| And when he grabbed him, when Bruce grabbed him, Duncan just seemed weird. | ||
| I grabbed him. | ||
| I'm like, you okay? | ||
| Did you get hurt? | ||
| He goes, no. | ||
| I go, did that thing fall on you? | ||
| And Bruce was like, no, he fell on it. | ||
| And I go, what happened? | ||
| He goes, I don't know. | ||
| I'm fine, though. | ||
| I'm fine. | ||
| But then I feel his body giving out in my hands. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| So I've got my hands on him because I was helping him out, but I feel him giving out. | ||
| And so I go, hey man, you okay? | ||
| Are you okay? | ||
| And so he starts slumping. | ||
| And I go, hey, let's sit you down. | ||
| Let's sit you down. | ||
| And we're trying to figure out what's going on. | ||
| And he was sober. | ||
| It wasn't a drug. | ||
| It wasn't anything like that. | ||
| And then we sit him down. | ||
| I go, are you all right? | ||
| He goes, yeah, it's so weird, man. | ||
| I just felt so weird. | ||
| All of a sudden, I just was passing. | ||
| And he goes out again. | ||
| He just goes out again right there. | ||
| And I grab them. | ||
| I go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| And then they get EMTs. | ||
| And then this lady comes to take care of him. | ||
| And this dude comes and we carry him over to a cot. | ||
| I think he was locking out his knees. | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| So you know what was weird is that we haven't talked about this since that happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I talked about it with him. | ||
| I don't know if he knows we're going to talk about it on the podcast. | ||
| Oh yeah, he probably doesn't want us to talk about it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Should we not talk about it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's put a placeholder in there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| How did I get to that point though? | ||
| We talking about drugs? | ||
| No. | ||
| We talking about... | ||
| Blacking out? | ||
| Oh, Bob Saget. | ||
| Oh, Bob Saget down. | ||
| So Bob Saget just fainted, which fucking happens, man. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of people that want to blame it on the vaccine and blame it on this and that. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But also, people faint, unfortunately. | ||
| I've seen people faint stone-cold sober. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe fainted one night at the Comedy Store so bad he banged his head. | ||
| And everybody was really worried about him. | ||
| Just fainted. | ||
| You know, it happens. | ||
| I fainted in boot camp. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, right after them telling us not to lock out our legs, I wasn't listening. | ||
| I locked out my legs. | ||
| Woke up like, everybody's over you. | ||
| It's like time travel. | ||
| You were explaining this to me, but it didn't make any sense to me, the locking out the legs thing. | ||
| Yeah, for whatever, like if you're standing still for a long period of time and you fully extend your knees, it just cuts off circulation or something. | ||
| But yeah, I've seen people drop like flies. | ||
| Like if you ever had a parade or something, you'll see people drop like that. | ||
| What a dumb feature in human beings. | ||
| The medical name is orthostatic posture syncope. | ||
| Happens at churches, graduations, weddings, or at events when standing a long time. | ||
| More common if one keeps the knees locked. | ||
| This pools the blood of the leg veins. | ||
| A person who stands long enough in one place will faint. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| I thought that was a myth! | ||
| Nah, I've seen it happen a lot. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| Multiple people. | ||
| I would have argued with that to the end of time. | ||
| I was like, no, no, I'm not fainting. | ||
| If I lock my legs out, I'm not fainting. | ||
| I am not fainting. | ||
| It varies. | ||
| Some people don't. | ||
| I think if you have really good circulation... | ||
| I blacked out once, and it was so embarrassing. | ||
| Was it from just standing? | ||
| No, I was in a FA-18 going six and a half Gs. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Well, that's kind of a humblebragger. | ||
| Well, no, no, no, because I got through more Gs. | ||
| I got through seven and a half Gs. | ||
| We did seven and a half, and I was on the verge of blacking out. | ||
| And first of all, these pilots, these pilots, they're not using gravity suits. | ||
| And those Air Force and Navy pilots that fly those jets, those guys are jacked, dude. | ||
| They have to be really fit, because part of the thing is forcing blood into your brain. | ||
| So while you're steering this fucking insane vehicle, dude, when you're in one of those things and you realize what they can do... | ||
| And he took me for a ride. | ||
| We went through the mountains. | ||
| He's going... | ||
| I mean, we're only like 100, 200 feet off the ground. | ||
| This fucking dude is expertly piloting this thing through trenches and shit. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| It was terrifying. | ||
| But then he was explaining to me, okay, they take you through this whole training course with the Blue Angels, and then he's explaining to me, okay, now when you hit the high Gs, you've got to grab onto your straps, like where your legs are, and they grab onto the joystick. | ||
| But whatever you're grabbing onto, you grab onto and you do a thing called hooking. | ||
|
unidentified
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So you go like this, hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot. | |
| And you're forcing blood into your head to stay conscious. | ||
| And then the gravity, the g-force, is pushing down on you and your consciousness is like elevator doors. | ||
| And you go like... | ||
| So I'm doing this. | ||
| And I hear him doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
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And I'm like, oh my god, he's experiencing what I'm experiencing too. | |
| And flying. | ||
| And I thought he's maybe immune to it by now, right? | ||
| No, he's going, hoot, hoot, hoot. | ||
| And I'm going, oh my god, this is insane. | ||
| Just the physical demands that it takes to fly one of those things. | ||
| Like, you have a car that handles well. | ||
| You have a nice car. | ||
| When you take turns in that car, you know how your body kind of goes sideways a little bit and you need to correct a little if you're really going fast. | ||
| I mean, they're really, they handle so flat, but you feel the G's. | ||
| You feel the thing when you're turning. | ||
| Imagine that times I don't know what the volume is. | ||
| But when this thing is going, what is it, 500 miles an hour? | ||
| 200 feet off the ground? | ||
| Is it pushing from everywhere? | ||
| Bro, I don't know. | ||
| It's just so immense. | ||
| The pressure's so immense. | ||
| So I got through that, and then we did this other turn that was not as many Gs. | ||
| Four and a half or something like that? | ||
| It wasn't nearly as many, but I didn't hook. | ||
| I didn't do the thing. | ||
| I thought I was gonna be fine. | ||
| And I just blacked out and threw up. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| So I got through the harder part. | ||
| I got through the harder part and I just... | ||
| Fucking slacked off. | ||
| I think I was so blown away by the experience, so blown away by what it feels like when you're inside one of those things and what they're capable of doing. | ||
| It's so mind-blowing. | ||
| It changes your idea of what a thing can do. | ||
| Look, if you're in your car, especially your car, your car's fast. | ||
| It handles well. | ||
| When you're in your car, you have a completely different sense of what a car can do than if you're in like a 1970 pickup truck with a shitty six-cylinder engine and fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
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Your car is going... | |
| It's gone. | ||
| Now when you get in a Tesla, it's that times five. | ||
| Because Teslas are insane. | ||
| They don't make any noise, and they go zero to 60 in 1.9 seconds. | ||
| So it's just like this. | ||
| The car disappears. | ||
| Now that... | ||
| Times, hundreds, is what this jet's doing. | ||
| It's so fucking fast! | ||
| And did you tell them to put a little extra on it? | ||
| No! | ||
| I said, let's go, brother, let's go! | ||
| He was like, you ready to do this? | ||
| I'm like, let's fucking do this! | ||
| I was in. | ||
| I was in. | ||
| I was like, this is what these guys do? | ||
| I want to experience it. | ||
| Take me for the real ride. | ||
| And it is a ride, dude. | ||
| It changes your reference points. | ||
| Imagine the fucking ego you have to have to be that kind of pilot. | ||
| Well, they're all men. | ||
| These are men. | ||
| Men. | ||
| These are like jacked men who are like real friendly and super polite. | ||
| And they always drink their water and they always get their pull-ups in. | ||
| These guys are men. | ||
| And they have a full gym set up there. | ||
| These guys are in shape constantly. | ||
| You do not get out of shape if you're doing that. | ||
| You cannot get out of shape. | ||
| It's too hard. | ||
| Bro, it's bananas how hard it is. | ||
| You miss one hook, you dead. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're dead. | |
| And you're gonna have to eject and you're gonna give up that you crashed a one billion dollar jet or whatever the fuck those things cost? | ||
| Didn't somebody crash recently? | ||
| There's a couple crashes. | ||
| There was one where a guy had to eject like it lost power or something like that. | ||
| So he ejects and it slams into the mountains of North Carolina. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, just ran out of gas and slammed in the mountains. | ||
| But the guy parachuted down, I believe, in that one. | ||
| There was another one more recent, before that, rather, not as recent, where there was this crazy, fiery crash, and they were doing tests. | ||
| And the guy lost control of the jet. | ||
| Bro, you could lose control of one of those things. | ||
|
unidentified
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No warranty. | |
| Dude, I'm telling you, when you're in it, it's not what I thought. | ||
| I thought you're like, just fucking spirit. | ||
| No, it's the physical force on your body. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| There's no way I would do it for a living. | ||
| That's why the UFO shit is so perplexing. | ||
| Because whatever those things are, if they're ours, nobody's in them. | ||
| No fucking chance. | ||
| No chance. | ||
| Nobody's in those things. | ||
| Because you would be turned into Jell-O. Like that. | ||
| From changing directions so quickly? | ||
| What they're doing is moving at a... | ||
| What was it like that they estimated the Tic Tac to go... | ||
| I think it was 13,000 Gs. | ||
| Something insane where it moves so fast because it went from Supposedly went from above our atmosphere, which is like above 50,000 feet down to like 50 feet in a second And didn't crash not only didn't crash stopped dead and hovered They're like what what can do that and what happens to the people that are in that you're gone, bro You're missed your pink mist. | ||
| You're like those people in that submarine You just splat. | ||
| Speaking of that shit, I just watched a YouTube video about another fucking incident. | ||
| What's the name of it? | ||
| Boeing? | ||
| No, it wasn't Boeing. | ||
| This was a long time ago. | ||
| This was a mining rig. | ||
| Where all the guys got sucked through a door. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Like a door was cracked. | ||
| Actually, only one guy died that way. | ||
| But because that door got cracked, it killed everybody inside. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You know, like that deep sea, especially when it was new, that deep sea mining shit. | ||
| Those guys have to live... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Sucked into an oil pipe. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| No, this isn't it, but still. | ||
| Jesus Christ, sucked into an oil pipe? | ||
| Yeah, some of these people, because they would, what the fuck? | ||
| Did you see that one where that sinkhole opened up in the bottom of a pool? | ||
| Of a swimming pool? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| The whole pool drained and people got sucked into the sinkhole and died. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When did this happen? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Israel? | ||
|
unidentified
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Bro, sinkholes are crazy. | |
| Sinkholes are crazy. | ||
| And they're everywhere. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| Some of them, the weird thing is some of them, they look like someone cored the earth. | ||
| Like they're circular. | ||
| So look at this. | ||
| It just, a hole opens in the bottom of the fucking pools. | ||
| It starts spreading. | ||
| Did people go in there? | ||
| Yeah, people went in there, man. | ||
| Bro, that shit is deep. | ||
| Oh yeah, you gone. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| How crazy must that have feel? | ||
| To see the thing just implode in the bottom? | ||
| And a hole open up? | ||
| Like a curse was put on the pool? | ||
| And what is my man doing right here? | ||
| No one knows what the fuck to do, man. | ||
| Yeah, but that dude, he's looking like he gonna reach in there and grab something. | ||
| Because he's trying to think where his family is. | ||
| Oh, well, yeah. | ||
| They gone, buddy. | ||
| People got fallen. | ||
| I mean, how deep is that fucking thing? | ||
| If you get sucked into that with all that water... | ||
| Yeah, you gone. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| And the thing is, there's no way that it's smooth. | ||
| Oh, you're dead on the way down. | ||
| You're dead on the way down. | ||
| You're getting your face bashed in. | ||
| Look at those edges and shit. | ||
| Did you see that one where that hole opened up? | ||
| That's my biggest fear. | ||
| I don't want to die where I can't move. | ||
| What do you call it? | ||
| With rocks crushing your head. | ||
| Drowning. | ||
| Just any kind of closed space where they just take my space. | ||
| Yeah, claustrophobia. | ||
| I just told the CIA how to torture me. | ||
| They already know how to torture you, bro. | ||
| I'm taking all the secrets. | ||
| They just checked your Twitter and ran through an algorithm. | ||
| They know how to torture you. | ||
| What was that one, Jamie, where a hole opened up that was so big? | ||
| It was circular. | ||
| It looked fake. | ||
| We had confirmed that it was real, even though it looked really bizarrely fake. | ||
| It looked so fake, it looks like CGI. What is it? | ||
| We're going to pull it up. | ||
|
unidentified
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You all right? | |
| Give me a second. | ||
| Okay, you know it is, right? | ||
| That's a terrifying way to go though. | ||
| The earth just gives out from under you. | ||
| Yeah, and I will give up immediately. | ||
| I went to Pompeii when I was in Italy, and that's why. | ||
| So wait a minute, it's still there? | ||
| Yeah, you can go there. | ||
| How do you know they let people walk through it? | ||
| Oh yeah, you can walk through it. | ||
| It's like a museum. | ||
| You can see where these people lived. | ||
| They've uncovered most of it. | ||
| They uncover people, and they have the people on display. | ||
| And the people are just like stone. | ||
| They just got impregnated with ash. | ||
| And all that's left is their form. | ||
| But why go into that pose? | ||
| Because it just overcame them like a wave. | ||
| You don't understand what a volcano eruption is like. | ||
| Ice Cube's the only reason I know what pyroclastic flow is. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What a great lyric. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Ice Cube's got some great fucking lyrics. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's a real sinkhole, bro. | ||
| How insane is that? | ||
| It looks like someone took an apple core to the earth. | ||
| Look how smooth it is. | ||
| It seems like the sort of thing they should be able to predict, though. | ||
| No, they can't, though, man, because there's underwater currents and streams and rivers. | ||
| We can't keep an accurate assessment of exactly what's going on under the surface and what kind of erosion is taking place and what kind of cavities are everywhere. | ||
| That's like a gateway to hell. | ||
| That's like a movie. | ||
| I might be off about this, but apparently everything behaves like a liquid. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| It says it's created by humans. | ||
| I've got to figure out a way to get past it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Sign up for it if you have to. | ||
| Yeah, it was like everything behaves like a liquid. | ||
| Solids just do it on a slower scale. | ||
| All the little fundamental parts of it are moving like liquid dust. | ||
| You know how you know that? | ||
| Earthquakes. | ||
| You ever been in an earthquake? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| It feels like the earth became like you were on a raft. | ||
| That's another part of the reason why I left California. | ||
| Everyone was living there acting like that shit wasn't on the way. | ||
|
unidentified
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You know what I mean? | |
| That shit's overdue, bro. | ||
| And it's gonna fuck shit up. | ||
| It's gonna fuck shit up in an incomprehensible way. | ||
| I got to LA in 94, and it was right after the earthquake. | ||
| And I got to see giant sections of the highway that had collapsed on top of cars. | ||
| You could see it. | ||
| The highways were collapsed right in front of you. | ||
| You could see where they collapsed. | ||
| And I was like, I am never going that way. | ||
| Whatever needs to be done that way, I'm going all the way the fuck around. | ||
| I am not going to be on the bottom of that thing. | ||
| I don't even want to be on the top and ride it out. | ||
| I think you'll die that way too. | ||
| But the people on the bottom are dead as fuck. | ||
| They're definitely gone. | ||
| Diggity dead as fuck. | ||
| That's a terrible way to die. | ||
| Or to be in some building that collapses on top. | ||
| Some of the bridges would fall off and people would just drop. | ||
| You'd see the cars just drop. | ||
| Bro, that's what happened in Baltimore. | ||
| Bro, oh yeah. | ||
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| Fuck being on that bridge. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| In a place where there's earthquakes? | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| And how about, bro, that's Taiwan, right? | ||
| Taiwan just had a big-ass earthquake. | ||
| 7.5. | ||
| When did that happen? | ||
| Just now. | ||
| Just like a couple days ago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that building, man. | ||
| I mean, the fact that it's even still up is kind of crazy. | ||
| And bro, what kind of building codes they got in Taiwan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Damn, all these builders fucking stood to... | ||
| Yeah, a lot of buildings stood, but a lot of buildings didn't. | ||
| See, the whole thing with buildings, like if you make a building in California, you have earthquake regulations. | ||
| You have to make your building sturdy in a way that's supposed to be able to tolerate at least a little bit of earthquake. | ||
| Yeah, but how did they know you didn't until everybody did? | ||
| I had a problem with a house I had once. | ||
| And the contractors had cut corners all over the place. | ||
| We didn't realize it until we moved in. | ||
| And then it became a real problem, a real pain in the ass. | ||
| You know, it's like, who the fuck? | ||
| Is somebody on the take? | ||
| How does somebody not catch all this stuff? | ||
| But it's just they don't. | ||
| They just don't have the time. | ||
| The regulators don't have the time. | ||
| There's not enough money to go and check everybody. | ||
| That's why when people say you don't need regulation with construction, I'm like, listen, bitch, you need that shit. | ||
| Those dudes are shady. | ||
| If you don't, it's a countdown to a building fall apart. | ||
| I should be real clear. | ||
| I know some great guys that are contractors. | ||
| I know some awesome people that build houses and build buildings, and they're great people, and they're super ethical. | ||
| But I've also met so many shady ones. | ||
| I don't know any good ones. | ||
| They're all... | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I think it's like 3 out of 10 are shady. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| At least somewhat shady. | ||
| And it's just fucking... | ||
| It's a hard world to navigate if you don't know somebody. | ||
| You know, if you know a guy and he can tell you, I got a fucking great contract. | ||
| He's an awesome guy. | ||
| You'll love him. | ||
| And you're like, whew! | ||
| Okay, now I'm in business with someone I'd really like to see. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, well, it's a business where... | ||
| The only way for you to make more money is to fuck over your customer. | ||
| To make more money than you're supposed to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| After you've already agreed on the money, the only other way for you to make more money... | ||
| You're not getting tipped at the end. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's almost like there's a fine line between someone who charges too much, but they do an amazing job. | ||
| I'd rather deal with that person. | ||
| I'd rather deal with that person as well. | ||
| I want someone to be... | ||
| I want them to be compensated for their work, and I want them to feel proud of what they do. | ||
| I have a friend who's a carpenter, and he'll talk about buildings. | ||
| He'll show me pictures and shit. | ||
| It's like, this is a beautiful house that this guy created. | ||
| And for him, it's like a bit that killed. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a bit. | ||
| It's like, look at this house we made for this guy. | ||
| And he's showing me the pictures. | ||
| I'm like, man, that's incredible. | ||
| You know what the problem, too, is? | ||
| Is when you're... | ||
| Especially when you talk about hiring people to build a house for you. | ||
| They know how much money you're working with. | ||
| So they know they can squeeze you here, squeeze you there, you know? | ||
| Yeah, they definitely, in some cases, they do. | ||
| They know what they can get away with and what they can't. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| When people think you rich, they always charge extra. | ||
| Some people do, but some people don't. | ||
| And the people that don't, you really appreciate. | ||
| Some people give you free stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but there are definitely people that try to take advantage of you, and it's kind of gross. | ||
| It's like, come on, man. | ||
| Yeah, but I think people don't know better. | ||
| They've got to know better. | ||
| They just... | ||
| There's a weird... | ||
| That's a weird... | ||
| If you're charging someone more because you think the person's more successful, you're doing this weird thing like they owe you more. | ||
| Like, they don't care. | ||
| Like, this is like, come on. | ||
| We're just supposed to be people. | ||
| Like, do you have a charge for your goods and services? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That's like... | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| That's like people that think you owe them your privacy. | ||
| Well, this... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They'll run up to your family at Disneyland. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Like, hey, man, I don't mean to interrupt, but you're interrupting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With my kids. | ||
| I get how people just think this is their one chance to say hi. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Like, Brian Simpson, oh shit. | ||
| Is there one chance? | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| It's just like sometimes you can't do it. | ||
| But it's like when you see, it's almost like when you see Indiana Jones sitting there with the bag trying to swap it out real quick. | ||
| You can just leave it there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Indiana. | ||
| Get the fuck out of there. | ||
| Yeah, but I get it. | ||
| You're a professor. | ||
| It's a lot of pressure of like, but this is my last chance to fucking fuck those rules. | ||
| Yeah, I get that. | ||
| But, you know, it's a price that you pay. | ||
| Price of fame? | ||
| Yeah, this weird life. | ||
| It's a price you pay. | ||
| What a great life, though. | ||
| Well, listen, we are the luckiest people alive. | ||
| We get to do what we love to do, and it's fun, and we get to hang out with each other. | ||
| I laugh so much in the Mothership Green Room. | ||
| It really is, like, it's the place I laugh the most. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Especially after sets. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Before sets. | ||
| Between shows? | ||
| Between the late, early show and the late show is the best time. | ||
| Yeah, because we're primed. | ||
| We've already gotten off stage. | ||
| Especially if Tony's had a good set. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He gets the ball rolling. | ||
| Yeah, he's not upset at anybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you fucking believe this? | |
| He is a firebrand. | ||
| Let me tell you. | ||
| Bro, him and Lucas are endless. | ||
| When him and Lucas start roasting each other, it's endless. | ||
| It's endless. | ||
| They never run out of shit to talk about. | ||
| I thought David Lucas has proven to me that there's literally infinite ways to call someone gay. | ||
| I don't think he's ever going to get to the last one. | ||
| He just finds different references. | ||
| Different references. | ||
| Yeah, it's just the two of them just laughing and going at each other. | ||
| I swear to God, when I'm a guest on Kill Tony and David and Tony are roasting each other, it's harder than I ever laugh at anything. | ||
| Because it's in the moment, and I know they're slinging. | ||
| They're shooting from the hip. | ||
| They're just using their brain, you know, and killing each other. | ||
| Sometimes we get a little private one in the green room. | ||
| Yes, we get those all the time. | ||
| We got that last night. | ||
| But it's just the reaction. | ||
| It's so fun, man. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| We're so lucky that Kill Tony's here, too. | ||
| Dude, that show is so important. | ||
| It's so important. | ||
| Just to let people know, like, it's just about being funny. | ||
| I know there's all this other stuff that gets wrapped up into it because you're trying to establish your identity, and you're trying to let people know how you feel about things, and you want to make sure everybody knows you're on the right side, but really, what you should be doing is just doing comedy. | ||
| Do comedy. | ||
| And if you figure out a way to make your points hilarious, great. | ||
| Yeah, make all the points in the world. | ||
| But they gotta be funny. | ||
| And when you do Kill Tony, you have one minute. | ||
| You've got one minute. | ||
| And it sort of establishes an ideal in these young comics minds that, hey, it's really just about making these people laugh. | ||
| And if I can get good enough where I can make my ideas funny and I can make these people laugh with ideas, that's like what you do. | ||
| That's like black belt shit. | ||
| Well, it kills me that... | ||
| Because the amount of balls it takes for, the amount of people that go on Kill Tony and it's their first time doing comedy ever, I'm like, bro, that's a hell of a way to do your first open mic is in front of millions of people. | ||
| Yeah, that's a crazy way to do an open mic. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But if you can do it, wow, what a feeling that must be. | ||
| And we've seen people do it. | ||
| We've seen people change their lives. | ||
| Yeah, if you nail it. | ||
| Bro, William Montgomery is killing it on the road right now. | ||
| He's killing it. | ||
| He's selling out. | ||
| He's doing a whole hour. | ||
| We saw him when Hans is killing it. | ||
| We saw William when he had to have notes on stage. | ||
| And remember, we kept telling him, you can't have notes on stage. | ||
| You can't hold your notes and read them. | ||
| And some people were saying, no, that's a part of his act. | ||
| I go, no, no, it's holding him back. | ||
| Because on Kill Tony, he doesn't have the notes and he comes out and stares the audience down and he's dangerous and he's weird. | ||
| I'm like, that's you when you're at your best. | ||
| He's like, I'm worried I'm gonna forget my jokes. | ||
| I go, you're not gonna forget your jokes. | ||
| You do them every night. | ||
| You're a professional comedian. | ||
| This is part of the thing you have to learn. | ||
| Like, you can't race in Le Mans with training wheels on. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Yeah, Williams, he's been on a fucking tear lately. | ||
| He's killing it! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, when the Black Keys came into town, they're huge William Montgomery fans. | ||
| And that's what's so crazy. | ||
| So he got a shout-out at a post-fight interview. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yeah, Dustin Poirier. | ||
| Dustin Poirier. | ||
| Yeah, then the Black Keys are huge William fans. | ||
| Yeah, he did our show that night specifically because they requested him. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, the show is full. | ||
| But I was like, yeah, let's go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| They need to see this. | ||
| Everybody loves that motherfucker. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's awesome, and he's so unique. | ||
| There's only one William Montgomery. | ||
| That's a unique dude. | ||
| He's so busy, I never really see him. | ||
| Every time he hugs me, I'm worried he's going to stab me. | ||
| He gives you the weirdest hugs. | ||
| They're a hug like he's thinking about stabbing you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think he's like... | ||
| You know how apes don't have medium twitch muscle fibers? | ||
| I think he missing... | ||
| So they can either do it as gentle as possible or full strength. | ||
| He's got like eight shoulders. | ||
| Maybe he's primitive. | ||
| Maybe he doesn't have the ability to give you a nice, warm, embracing hug. | ||
| It's either smash or gently touch. | ||
| He hugs you like he's about to suplex you. | ||
| Yeah, like, we're gonna scuffle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he does it to everybody. | ||
| Good guy, good funny guy. | ||
| And then some of the other newer... | ||
| Like, I think all the door guys are funny, pretty much. | ||
| I haven't seen Miles in a while, but I keep hearing he's killing. | ||
| Yo, Miles... | ||
| Miles is on a whole other tear, man. | ||
| Because he's one of those people that's like, he's different. | ||
| He's real different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| So is Casey Rocket. | ||
| Well, Casey's figuring it out, too. | ||
| He's got a thing where I was like, I don't know if he can do that for a long time. | ||
| I think he can. | ||
| He's figuring that out. | ||
| I think he also can do different things in between doing that. | ||
| He can go any way he wants. | ||
| He's doing it this one way now where he's hyper energetic, but that doesn't mean that's how he has to do it. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| But he's got so much energy. | ||
| Yeah, he's funny. | ||
| He can do anything. | ||
| He can figure it out as he does it, but that's the most important part of this developmental phase that he's in. | ||
| It's like he's killing, but he's worth learning how to do it. | ||
| I have purposely gone out of my way to never write a joke where I needed to do a back Nah! | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's got so much energy in the act. | ||
| I said this to Shane Gillis last night while you were on stage. | ||
| I go, there's no one in the world who kills more effortlessly than Bryan Simpson. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Because you have a casual killing. | ||
| You're casually killing. | ||
| You don't get hyped up. | ||
| It's interesting in your style because it actually puts more weight on any criticism you put on something. | ||
| That's because my first 10 years in comedy, I wasn't sleeping. | ||
| So you're tired all the time. | ||
| So I was just tired all the time. | ||
| That's just how I've learned to do it. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't get good sleep for years. | ||
| I finally got the CPAP machine like five years ago and I couldn't believe it. | ||
| Yeah, big difference. | ||
| Oh man, that's a huge... | ||
| Changed Joey. | ||
| Some people have them and they're like, yeah, but I don't use them. | ||
| How do you not use it? | ||
| I tried it once. | ||
| I didn't like it. | ||
| But I have a mouthpiece that I sleep with. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| It presses my tongue down. | ||
| So the mouthpiece is fit to my lower teeth and is a tongue depressor and it keeps my airway open. | ||
| Oh yeah, see, I try to get one. | ||
| Due to have big necks, like football players, almost all those dudes have sleep apnea. | ||
| It's a big neck thing. | ||
| And it runs in my family, the big neck. | ||
| You have a big neck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And look at all this tissue. | ||
| And if you have, you know, a big tongue, I have a pretty fat tongue. | ||
| And this neck and the hole is not as big as it probably would be if I had like a skinny neck. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| You know, like your neck is tissue. | ||
| This is all fucking stuff. | ||
| I mean, I build that up with exercises. | ||
| Does it work though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The mouthpiece? | ||
| It keeps my airway open. | ||
| I sleep great with it. | ||
| But if I don't have it, man, I snore. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| I'm pretty sure I tried to get one of those. | ||
| But then they mailed me a kit that I had to do other stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you have to form it to your teeth. | ||
| You lost me. | ||
| I don't do step twos. | ||
| You can go to a dentist, though, and they'll do it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I think I need to do that. | ||
| I'll set you up. | ||
| I got a dentist that does it for me. | ||
| I had to do it with my audiologist for my in-ear monitors. | ||
| I didn't know that you could do shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, the in-ear monitors where they form it to your ear. | ||
| Oh man, that's one of the best choices I have in a long time. | ||
| I have that for the UFC. So when I'm at the UFC, they made me one. | ||
| So when I put it on, it's mine. | ||
| It fits right in my ear. | ||
| Poink! | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Nothing goes better than that. | ||
| Bro, that is the worst thing about cauliflower ear. | ||
| Those dudes are fucked. | ||
| When you get crazy cauliflower ear, like, I was talking to this, one of our guys at the security guys at the club, they're all MMA guys, jujitsu guys, and one of them has these fucked up ears, and I'm like, but you can't hear good, right? | ||
| He's like... | ||
| It's not as good. | ||
| It's definitely not as good. | ||
| Like, that's big. | ||
| Can you get them drained? | ||
| His are gone. | ||
| His are hard. | ||
| They become calcified. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So what happens is the blood pools up. | ||
| Your ear gets broken, right? | ||
| And the tissue separates and blood fills it. | ||
| And that blood, over time, will become calcified. | ||
| So it literally becomes rock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It feels like rock. | ||
| I have little bits of it, but when I trained, most of the time when I trained, I wore ear guards, like wrestling ear guards, just because I didn't want to fuck my ears up. | ||
| Because if you just go like this and you talk like this normal, you hear things. | ||
| But if you go like this and talk like that, you're missing something. | ||
| You're missing some sound, and you don't realize you're missing it until you let your ear go. | ||
| You go, oh, now I hear it all. | ||
| Well, you're giving that. | ||
| That's you forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| Now you have rocks on the outside of your ears. | ||
| So all this design that God created to let us hear so brilliantly, where it captures sounds and rolls them around and goes inside your ear, all that's gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now you get rocks. | |
| That's one of those new earphones that goes outside the ear? | ||
| They're not brand new, but if anyone's listening and has this problem, this is called a jaw induction headphone. | ||
| So it creates sound frequencies that bounce off the bones inside your head. | ||
| And so it works even if you have fucked up ears? | ||
| Yeah, because it's not going through the ear. | ||
| And is that for any sound, or is that for listening to music and shit? | ||
| Good for listening to music, but technically it will emit sound, so if you're next to this person, you'll be able to hear it too. | ||
| But not perfectly, but it's made for the person that's wearing it. | ||
| You know what's really incredible? | ||
| They are really cool, though. | ||
| Do you know what game ears are? | ||
| You know what tactical headphones where you can listen to people talk, but it has technology in there that stops the sound from being louder than a certain volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So when someone's shooting a gun, it's never that loud. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| You know those? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can hear so much better with those things. | ||
| Because they also... | ||
| They amplify. | ||
| You create a gate, a frequency gate, where it's like anything below that frequency, it brings it up. | ||
| Anything above it, it brings it down. | ||
| So people put these on when they go hunting, and they turn them on, and you can hear shit like multiple times more than you would be able to hear normally. | ||
| So you could hear footsteps. | ||
| So like if a deer, like if you're in a tree stand, and you're just sitting up there with your rifle in a tree stand, you're listening around constantly. | ||
| You ever do that? | ||
| You ever tree stand hunt? | ||
| Uh-uh, no. | ||
| It's a mind fuck, dude. | ||
| I was wearing those when I was working. | ||
| 50 decibels of hearing enhancement. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| Yeah, it's a lot. | ||
| Yeah, I've used them before. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I wore those on the rifle ring. | ||
| Not the, but they were like over the years. | ||
| The other kind, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But it was like, you could hear people, you walk away from people and they go, fuck you, fuck you. | ||
| Ah, you hear all of it. | ||
| I learned that you have to act like you, you have to be very selective about what you react to because you don't, people don't need to know that you can hear them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And if you give it away... | ||
| Yeah, that's a problem. | ||
| The cat's out the back. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta get... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It taught me patience because I'm like, oh, that wasn't for me to hear. | ||
| That was just him getting his frustration, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't need to react because he thinks I'm 50 feet away. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I was like, well, I don't need to react to that. | ||
| Yeah, fuck him. | ||
| I'd rather wait until somebody goes, I'm about to shoot this motherfucker. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now you know. | ||
| Yeah, and then the secret's out. | ||
| If you have those headphones on, man, it's really bizarre. | ||
| Because you can hear things that you can't normally hear. | ||
| It feels like super hearing. | ||
| Yeah, but you can also shoot guns and it doesn't hurt your ears. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Amazing that somebody figured that out. | ||
| But anyway, man, if you've got bad ears, like if your ears get calcified, you're definitely going to change what things sound like. | ||
| It's a price to pay to be dangerous. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I mean, you can wear ear guards. | ||
| I just didn't understand. | ||
| Yeah, they suck. | ||
| I hate them. | ||
| They cut your chin. | ||
| They irritate your head. | ||
| But to me, I had these nice ones that were vinyl, and they were just designed for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| So they were flat to your head, and they were really comfortable. | ||
| So why don't guys do it? | ||
| Does it seem like a pussy move? | ||
| A pussy move. | ||
| Guys like cauliflower ear, too. | ||
| It lets people know. | ||
| I'd look tougher if I had cauliflower ears. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't know if that's worth it. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| It wasn't worth it to me. | ||
| But I'm also not a professional. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If you're a professional and your ear gets fucked up, you're back in training the next day. | ||
| There's no, oh, I gotta get this drain and take six months off and let it heal. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Shut the fuck up and get back in there, dude. | ||
| You are a professional fighter. | ||
| I'm just a comedian. | ||
| So for me, it's like I gotta mitigate what gets fucked up. | ||
| People love those things, though. | ||
| It's like a badge of courage. | ||
| They walk around with a cauliflower ear and they're like, everybody knows. | ||
| I know how to fuck people up. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| So then you know what that means. | ||
| It's definitely people getting the fake cauliflower ear. | ||
| They get an ear injection so they can look... | ||
| Well, all you'd have to do is damage your ear. | ||
| You could do it pretty easily. | ||
| Especially with some people. | ||
| It's real different. | ||
| Some people don't get cauliflower ear. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| They don't even train with ear guards. | ||
| Don't mess with me. | ||
| And some people, they'll break their ears. | ||
| And they'll do things to their ears on purpose. | ||
| So they can purposely get it? | ||
| Yeah, they'll take a jiu-jitsu belt and they'll just fucking smash their ear. | ||
| And they're trying to give themselves cauliflower ear. | ||
| People have definitely done that. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've also met guys who are white belts who just started who got cauliflower ear and they never did anything about it. | ||
| They got this big lump on their ear. | ||
| And they're terrible. | ||
| And then there's people that do it for decades and don't get anything. | ||
| Yeah, but it's rare. | ||
| It's pretty rare. | ||
| Or you're just like really elite at defense. | ||
| There's some guys that are so good at defense, you just never really catch their head. | ||
| But usually you would think that you would catch their head early on in their career before they figured out how to be really good defensively and technically. | ||
| But there's certain guys, like good luck getting a hold of Marcelo Garcia's neck, unless you're a lot bigger than Robert Drysdale or someone like that who tapped him. | ||
| You know, that guy was a wizard. | ||
| Like, when you're that fast... | ||
| You ever seen Marcelo Garcia? | ||
| Okay, I want to show you this one time where I saw him live in Brazil in 2003, where Eddie was competing for... | ||
| It was at the Abu Dhabi World Championships. | ||
| And this is the year that Marcelo Garcia, like, burst onto the scene. | ||
| Like, people didn't know who he was. | ||
| Is this the same year where Eddie won? | ||
| Yes, he triangled Hoyler. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, get Marcelo Garcia versus... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| You have it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's just him. | ||
| They're just training. | ||
| Shaolin. | ||
| Shaolin Hibero. | ||
| Marcello Garcia, Shaolin. | ||
| So this dude, Shaolin, who's Hibero. | ||
| R-I-B-E-R-O. Shaolin is a legendary jiu-jitsu guy, like super high-level black belt. | ||
| So for him to do this to Shaolin is so insane. | ||
| You got to see this move. | ||
| He just spun, took his back and strangled him unconscious. | ||
| And this is like instantly in the beginning of the match. | ||
| This match happened. | ||
| It's like 30 seconds and he puts him to sleep. | ||
| Watch that again, because that scramble, he does an arm drag? | ||
| That was smooth. | ||
| Go from the beginning. | ||
| Just go from the beginning, because it's so quick anyway. | ||
| So he does an arm drag. | ||
| Marcelo Garcia is in the rash guard. | ||
| He does an arm drag on his right arm. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Watch how he turns, turns, turns, keeps going, turns, keeps rolling, keeps rolling, gets the back, gets the hooks in. | ||
| Super strong legs. | ||
| Now he's got the hook in, and now he's securing the neck. | ||
| And he's gonna hang on and he's gonna just fucking crush him to sleep. | ||
| And he's asleep right there. | ||
| Dude, that is so insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is so insane. | ||
| That is one of the most legendary finishing sequences in all of jujitsu history. | ||
| Because that was like the moment Marcelo Garcia, who's like one of the greatest of all time, burst onto the scene. | ||
| And he just locked in. | ||
| Yeah, so that guy, even he has cauliflower ear. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| As good as he is. | ||
| As good as he is. | ||
| Yeah, you can't... | ||
| It seems like unavoidable. | ||
| Yeah, some guys don't get it. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| And some guys are just real big guys. | ||
| Some real big guys never get caught. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Real strong guys. | ||
| Well, that's why, like, every time I... Whenever I see somebody with cauliflower ears, like, I know two things. | ||
| I know, one, they can probably fight. | ||
| Almost definitely. | ||
| And two, they have some kind of old nagging injury that they hope and I don't discover. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, all the most dangerous dudes are like, if anyone hits me in my fucking... | ||
| Left knee. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| They will fold me the fuck up. | ||
| So, that's why I'm scared. | ||
| That's why I don't fuck with those people. | ||
| Like, old dude, don't fuck with them because they're going to fight. | ||
| They're going to give you everything they got because they don't want the fight to go so long that you find that injury. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also, don't just be fucking with people thinking it's a fair fight. | ||
| People stab people. | ||
| They shoot people. | ||
| Just don't do it. | ||
| Just don't do it, man. | ||
| If you want to prove yourself, go to a gym. | ||
| Go to a gym, learn how to fight, and then you will lose all of your desire to do that in a bar. | ||
|
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|
Especially after 30. I don't give a fuck if you're 20. Don't do it. | |
| Don't fucking do it, man. | ||
| It's how people die. | ||
| It's how people get locked up in jail for the rest of their lives. | ||
| 20-somethings, though, you can't tell a 20-something. | ||
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| I listened. | ||
| Yeah, I listened. | ||
| I was terrified of fights when I was in my 20s, and I knew how to fight. | ||
| I didn't want to go anywhere. | ||
| Oh, yeah, but you grew up fighting. | ||
| Yeah, but, I mean, when I would go out to bars. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Like, if I was out to bars with my friends and shit would break loose, I'd be like, exit, please. | ||
| I'm not fighting anybody. | ||
| I'm getting the fuck out of here. | ||
| I knew that early, early on because I knew guys. | ||
| Growing up in Boston, going to high school in Newton, which was outside of Boston, I spent most of my time in Boston because that's where I did Taekwondo. | ||
| I met some hard fucking dudes. | ||
| Some hard, hard men. | ||
| One of the guys that I met was a fucking hitman for Whitey Bulger. | ||
| He was a guy I was training. | ||
| I was teaching him Taekwondo and he was a hitman. | ||
| Like, well known that he was in the Irish Mob. | ||
| Well known. | ||
| And he was taking Taekwondo classes. | ||
| I was around people that like, so in my mind, Any man that you just have some confrontation with, even if you beat his ass, that's not the end of it. | ||
| He's gonna come find you. | ||
| This idea that you could just do something to someone and there's no consequences ever, it could be a year from now, two years from now, five years from now. | ||
| You're gonna be looking over the shoulder for the rest of your life? | ||
| What are you, fucking stupid? | ||
| Just get away. | ||
| Don't fight with people. | ||
| Don't argue with people. | ||
| Yes, come on. | ||
| Don't piss people off. | ||
| We'd all be better off if people didn't have this desire to control themselves. | ||
| And that's what you get rid of when you go to the gym. | ||
| When you learn jujitsu, when you learn a martial art, and you don't have this desire to test yourself all the time, because you're constantly being tested. | ||
| When you go out, you just want to have fun and chill. | ||
| Most of the fighters I've met, I've met a lot of fighters since I've lived here now. | ||
| Most of them are pretty chill. | ||
| Super chill. | ||
| I think all the security people are all jujitsu guys. | ||
| I know one of the guys was some kind of champion. | ||
| You would never know it. | ||
| They're so humble and respectful. | ||
| Well, it's because they get challenged all the time. | ||
| They don't want to do it in real life. | ||
| The real challenge is challenged against skilled people. | ||
| When you're doing that all the time, when you're rolling with black belts, and you're fighting off triangles, and the triangle turns into an arm bar, and you're barely escaping, and then you get side control, you're battling all day long. | ||
| You're battling in your head after the class. | ||
| You're going, oh, how did he catch me? | ||
| How did I do that? | ||
| Why did I do that? | ||
| My left foot. | ||
| And you're trying to figure out what you did wrong and what you did right. | ||
| You don't want to get in a fight in a bar. | ||
| You want to go have fun. | ||
| If you would go to a bar with a bunch of jiu-jitsu people, they're all laughing. | ||
| They want to have a good time. | ||
| They say thank you. | ||
| The waitress comes over. | ||
| They're polite. | ||
| They're nice people. | ||
| They get it all out, man. | ||
| You got to get it all out. | ||
| And if you want to get it all out at a bar, man, you're going to get killed. | ||
| There's a confidence that comes from knowing exactly where you stand. | ||
| Where it's like, oh, I... I know that that dude can beat my ass. | ||
| I know for sure. | ||
| Because he's done it every day for the last six... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And just knowing you don't go out with this insecurity about you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think. | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's wild dudes that get involved in cage fighting. | ||
| But overall... | ||
| I feel they are exceptional human beings. | ||
| And I know that sounds crazy for someone who thinks it's barbaric, but you have to understand that the character development involved in becoming a guy like a Dustin Poirier. | ||
| You want to be that good? | ||
| The fucking fire you have to go through to be at a world-class level for as long as that guy's been doing it and be that good right now? | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| That's an exceptional human being. | ||
| Exceptional. | ||
| There's not a lot of those out there. | ||
| And when you meet those guys, you're out with those guys, they're the fucking nicest guys. | ||
| They're cool. | ||
| They're calm. | ||
| They have their shit together. | ||
| Even Sean Strickland, who everybody thinks is crazy and he says a bunch of wild shit. | ||
| Sean is a great guy. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| He's a real smart dude who had a fucked up childhood. | ||
| And he's an excellent... | ||
| Professional fighter, and he's a nice guy. | ||
| If you're nice to him, he's a nice guy. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| But, you know, in the street, if you find that guy and you talk shit to him for no reason, he's gonna put you in the hospital. | ||
| He's gonna put you in the hospital, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it. | ||
| You don't even have a chance. | ||
| You have nothing. | ||
| You have zero chance. | ||
| This idea, oh, fucking, these guys can't fight. | ||
| I don't know how to fight. | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| You have no idea what you're talking about. | ||
| Well, you definitely shouldn't be out talking shit to people for no reason. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They always did it. | |
| They used to do it to Chuck Liddell. | ||
| People would talk shit to him. | ||
| They used to do it to Mike Tyson. | ||
| Mike Tyson people would talk shit to. | ||
| There's certain people that are just crazy, man. | ||
| Well, speaking of Mike Tyson... | ||
| These people that think that he don't stand a chance against Jake Paul because he's too old. | ||
| I think you're crazy. | ||
| Well, they're definitely uninformed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because here's the thing. | ||
| He is 57 years old. | ||
| He will be 58 when they fight. | ||
| He has had a long fighting career. | ||
| He has been knocked out by massive men like Lennox Lewis. | ||
| And Evander Holyfield. | ||
| You know, he's had a lot of blows. | ||
| And, you know, it's long, you know, long past the time where most people ever fight. | ||
| You know, the only person that ever fought competitively after age 50 is Bernard Hopkins and Archie Moore. | ||
| Archie Moore did it back in the day. | ||
| No, Foreman was 40, son. | ||
| Foreman was in his 50s, I believe, when he had his last fight. | ||
| Was he? | ||
| He won the title. | ||
| I'm going to grab some whiskey. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Foreman was the... | ||
| Want some ice and glasses and shit? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think Foreman captured the heavyweight title at the oldest age, which was 46 when he fought Michael Moore. | ||
| He hit him with his perfect right hand. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| That's that bodega cat. | ||
| That's Mark Norman stuff. | ||
| We got some good shit, though. | ||
| So how old was he? | ||
| 48. So his last fight when he fought Shannon Briggs. | ||
| Shannon the Cannon. | ||
| Shout out to Shannon. | ||
| Let's go champ. | ||
| So he beat Lou Savarese. | ||
| He was 48 years old. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And he knocked out Michael Moore. | ||
| He was 45. So he was the oldest man ever to win the heavyweight title at age 45. And you got to realize, like, that's a real 45. That's not like a 45 today. | ||
| The 45 today is 45 with testosterone replacement and human growth hormone and peptides. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Mike Tyson, yeah, he's 57, but he got access to... | ||
| Everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everything. | |
| And he's also doing this very unique kind of training with electrical muscular stimulation that I've talked to some people that do that. | ||
| And it has massive benefits of rehabilitating injuries. | ||
| And it also, for a lot of people, gives them significant gains when they use it as opposed to just using weightlifting. | ||
| I don't know too much about the science behind it. | ||
| When Jamie comes back, we'll have him look it up. | ||
| But you slap electrodes onto yourself They put these pads on you, and it's hooked up to a machine. | ||
| And while the electricity is going into your muscles, you're doing exercises. | ||
| So while you're getting jolted, you're doing squats, and you're doing deadlifts, you're doing all this shit while you're connected to this thing that's stimulating your muscles. | ||
| But isn't that... | ||
| Because my main concern would be, I guess, in my head, what if the electricity, the timing's off, and it And it goes to contract your muscle at a time when you're trying to... | ||
| I think it's constantly contracted. | ||
| And I think you're fighting through that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I haven't done it. | ||
| I'm talking out of my ass. | ||
| What is that thing that Mike Tyson does where he gets connected to like an electrical muscular stimulation machine? | ||
| I've seen it in training footage. | ||
| And I know from talking to the guy that was telling me about... | ||
| Cheers, my brother. | ||
| Congratulations on your special. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| I'm so happy to see you killing it. | ||
| Oh, good bourbon. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| I think this is the Jack Carr stuff. | ||
| Yeah, that's not bad. | ||
| No, this is Balcones Texas pot still bourbon. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
| Yeah, this is real legit. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good stuff. | |
| And what were we just talking about? | ||
| George Foreman, Mike Tyson. | ||
| Mike Tyson, yeah. | ||
| So they do this thing where they slap these electrodes on him. | ||
| Chuck Zito's a giant fight fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shout out to Chuck. | |
| Oh, this is now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they put these electrodes on him and they have him perform different exercises. | ||
| New fit. | ||
| N-E-U-F-I-T. And so they have this machine. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| A breakthrough in neuromuscular electrical stimulation devices utilizing direct current. | ||
| So it's a device that uses an updated form of neuromuscular electrical stimulation to send electrical impulses through the skin to the nerves, resulting in muscle contractions and sensory impulses. | ||
| The NMES technology mitigates the action potentials of both peripheral and central nervous system, allowing for communication with virtually all parts of the body. | ||
| The impulses stimulate muscles and other tissues, including contractile and sensory muscle fibers. | ||
| And sensory and motor neurons, the stimulation also leads to increased blood flow in the areas where it's applied. | ||
| So, I know Tyson was doing that before the Roy Jones fight when he was training. | ||
| I believe he's doing that now, too. | ||
| But that's interesting, right? | ||
| Because you'd want to do, like, everything you can with a 57-year-old body to get it ready to do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think people know. | ||
| You don't lose that much ability. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You have to understand who you're talking about. | ||
| But what does change though is your ability to recover. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then the amount of damage you can take. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's what changes. | ||
| But he can still fucking destroy that guy. | ||
| The thing about the amount of damage you can take, it's all in comparison to how much damage you took in your life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's certain guys that as they get older, it's very disturbing because you see them get touched with a punch and they just go out. | ||
| You'll see that with some older MMA fighters. | ||
| I saw that with Chuck Liddell. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where it was like nobody could knock him out. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| And then it was like anyone could. | ||
| In his prime, he was ferocious, dude. | ||
| He had an iron chin and ferocious power and just this warrior mentality. | ||
| He was just chasing you down. | ||
| He was hunting you inside that cage. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| But anyone with an iron chin, Eventually they start getting knocked out because the reason you know they have an iron skin is because you've seen them take some... | ||
| There was this dude in boxing. | ||
| His name was Doug DeWitt. | ||
| And Doug DeWitt was not the best fighter in the world, but he had the best chin of all time. | ||
| Dudes would tee off on Doug DeWitt and it was like nothing happened. | ||
| He was crazy. | ||
| He was known for his ability to take a punch. | ||
| And then one day it just went away. | ||
| One day it went away. | ||
| And one day he just got dropped and knocked out. | ||
| And then he just couldn't take shots anymore. | ||
| It just gave out. | ||
| It just gave out like a bad suspension. | ||
| See if you can find Doug DeWitt highlights. | ||
| He was born with 50 knockouts in you. | ||
| This dude had a thousand knockouts in him. | ||
| You couldn't knock him out. | ||
| He was getting hit clean in the face by murderers. | ||
| And you couldn't stop him. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| And he was known for that. | ||
| Like, if a guy was gonna fight Doug DeWitt, you know, you knew he was a good fighter, but you knew that the thing about him is he had the craziest chin of all time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was known for it. | |
| I don't think that's Doug DeWitt. | ||
| That's Nigel Benn. | ||
| Is that Doug DeWitt? | ||
| No, that's not Doug DeWitt, dude. | ||
| It's a different guy. | ||
| Different guy. | ||
| Oh, no, no, yeah. | ||
| Because these are all... | ||
| This is Nigel Benn, who was a real destroyer, man. | ||
| He was a fucking murderous, murderous puncher. | ||
| I can't find this. | ||
| Thomas Hearn versus Doug DeWitt? | ||
| That's kind of the same thing that just happened. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| So Thomas Hearns, one of the greatest knockout artists of all time. | ||
| Yeah, and that's that guy Doug DeWitt. | ||
| So he's 25. So this is when Doug DeWitt still had an iron chin. | ||
| Should not be fighting Thomas Hearns. | ||
| Whoever set this up, this is a terrible matchup. | ||
| Scooch your head a little bit. | ||
| Is this the one where he finally gets knocked out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But Doug DeWitt was a very solid fighter, but Tommy Hearns is just next level. | ||
| Tommy Hearns has the most ridiculous back. | ||
| Look at that back. | ||
| That's where all that power comes from, dude. | ||
| Look how wide he is. | ||
| So when Tommy was 147, I think this was a middleweight fight, which was 160. But you gotta realize, like, Tommy, when he fought Sugar Ray, he was 147. When he fought, like, Pepino Cuevas and all those other dudes, dude, he was very light. | ||
| But he was that tall with that kind of power. | ||
| So look at it. | ||
| Tommy Hearns is teeing off on Doug DeWitt. | ||
| I'm telling you, most people who fought Doug DeWitt were stunned by the amount of power that guy could just absorb. | ||
| He was a really good fighter, and it wasn't like he was a bad fighter. | ||
| He just wasn't, like, world championship caliber. | ||
| Where is he now? | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| It's not good at the end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's not good at the end. | ||
| I was reading about this boxer from the 80s who was living in LA, and they would have to almost put string on him to make sure he didn't travel too far away from the house. | ||
| He would get lost on his block. | ||
| He didn't know what was going on. | ||
| His brain is just gone. | ||
| It's just gone. | ||
| Yeah, the price they pay, man. | ||
| It's the craziest price. | ||
| The chance at greatness. | ||
| The craziest price, and you never know when you've crossed the line. | ||
| You never know when you've crossed the line until your brain's not going to return. | ||
| In the beginning, you don't even notice a slip. | ||
| You're just like, I'm just tired from training. | ||
| You don't even notice. | ||
| And other people start noticing it. | ||
| Maybe when you have a drink in you, you can't really form sentences that well. | ||
| One drink and all of a sudden you're slurring your words. | ||
| And everybody's like, what's going on with Mike? | ||
| He just had a couple. | ||
| He had one fucking drink. | ||
| He's slurring his words like something's going on. | ||
| That's one of the first things you see. | ||
| And then it keeps going. | ||
| The damage doesn't get better over time. | ||
| It gets worse. | ||
| They say that a lot of the brain damage doesn't even show itself until years after the actual impact of whatever the fuck happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dudes start doing wild shit. | ||
| They start gambling. | ||
| They start doing coke. | ||
| They start going crazy. | ||
| But then some people are just fine, right? | ||
| Some people are fine. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Some people retire, and they had long careers, and they could talk fine, and they're great, you know? | ||
| Look at Andre Ward. | ||
| I know, and you can see, like, whatever brain cells Floyd Mayweather's father had left, he was like, I'm going to make sure this don't happen to my son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think Floyd saw it, too. | ||
| Of course he had the most defensive fighter of all time. | ||
| He's like, son, this is what happens when you get hit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, also just seeing it from his uncle, Uncle Roger. | ||
| Oh, that's what I meant. | ||
| Yeah, his uncle. | ||
| He sounds drunk all the time. | ||
| Well, he's dead now. | ||
| He died, unfortunately. | ||
| Roger Mayweather was awesome in his prime man. | ||
| Black Mamba. | ||
| He was another dude. | ||
| He was different than Floyd. | ||
| He was a crazy knockout artist. | ||
| You ever see Roger fight? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's a great trainer, too. | ||
| Yeah, he's a very good trainer. | ||
| Very, very, very good trainer. | ||
| And he's got that famous quote, most people don't know shit about boxing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| He's right. | ||
| He's 100% right. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I barely do. | ||
| But I know enough about boxing where I feel like when I'm watching a good boxing match, what I'm enjoying is not with the average person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Most people just want to see two big dudes in the middle of the ring just throw punches. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They don't care about the strategy of it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I like to watch... | ||
| I like to watch the breakdowns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do too. | |
| The footwork and why his feet are right there. | ||
| This one dude made a really good breakdown of how Anthony Joshua caught Francis Ngannou. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's really good because he talks about how Joshua was setting up these reactions by jabbing to the body. | ||
| And how he's jabbing to the body and how Francis would dip his left arm and like throw a hook. | ||
| And then he was like trying to block the shot to the body and dip his arm and throw a hook. | ||
| So he timed it right where he feinted the jab to the body. | ||
| Francis reacted and he hit him with a perfect right hand. | ||
| And you see in the breakdown how he set it up and like that is boxing. | ||
| That's real boxing. | ||
| That's not just a big guy who can punch. | ||
| But that's like super sophisticated chess playing. | ||
| In the middle of this high consequence scenario with a giant knockout striker. | ||
| And some people are like levels above that. | ||
| Well, that's Usyk. | ||
| Usyk is level above Anthony Joshua because he boxed the shit out of Joshua two fights in a row and had him in trouble. | ||
| In the first fight in particular, had him in trouble, man. | ||
| He had Joshua reeling. | ||
| And he was all over him. | ||
| I mean, Usyk is really a cruiserweight. | ||
| He's not even that big. | ||
| He's small for a heavyweight. | ||
| You know, Usyk was fighting, I think, at 197, and then he went up to fight heavyweights. | ||
| So, like, when he stands next to these guys, he's so much smaller than that. | ||
| Part of me, deep down, I wish boxing had, like, a UFC-type... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I wish someone could make the top guys fight each other. | ||
| Well, they can't even do that in MMA. Look, Francis is now at the PFL, and you've got other people over at Bellator. | ||
| I guess Bellator and the PFL are one thing now. | ||
| But you have to be huge to not do it in the UFC. It's real tough to be famous. | ||
| The problem is, if you're outside of the UFC, you could be not famous and make more money. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| Like, this is a factor. | ||
| You have to think about guys that, you know, kind of didn't do as well as the top guys in the UFC, but they're still elite MMA fighters. | ||
| They can go over to the PFL and win that tournament and make a million dollars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, man, over there, the Middle East, man, they throwing money at all manner of entertainers and shit over here. | ||
| Yeah, that one dude from Montreal, Olivier Aubin-Mercier, I think he won it twice. | ||
| I think he won the PFL tournament twice. | ||
| He definitely won it once. | ||
| He made a million dollars. | ||
| Is that why I just saw Mighty Mouse and a no weight? | ||
| No. | ||
| Mighty Mouse and a no weight was just a jiu-jitsu match. | ||
| That was just jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Mighty Mouse is wild. | ||
| He just enters jiu-jitsu, opens. | ||
| As a 155-pound man, fought a 250-pound dude and strangled him. | ||
| Yeah, and it looked like it too. | ||
| It's incredible the size difference. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| But he competes for one. | ||
| And one championship is this giant organization in Asia. | ||
| And they have not just MMA fights, but they have kickboxing fights and grappling fights. | ||
| Like Gary Tonin has competed over there in grappling. | ||
| The Rutolo brothers are the champions over there. | ||
| Mikey Musumeci, he competes over there in grappling. | ||
| They have a great app too, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, so there's that. | ||
| So there's places you can go, but to be famous in America is the UFC. Everything else is just, unfortunately, it pales in comparison. | ||
| The UFC is like Q-tips. | ||
| The NFL, you know, NBA is where you go to see professional basketball. | ||
| If someone else wants to start a new basketball league, good fucking luck. | ||
| Good luck! | ||
| The UFC is, it's singular. | ||
| It's singular. | ||
| It's just the most prominent business that's run the best. | ||
| It's got the best machine behind it. | ||
| It's got the most history behind it. | ||
| They literally invented the sport in 1993 in America. | ||
| Not invent the sport, but they did put it in a cage and put rules to it. | ||
| Actually, I think they had cages in Brazil back then already. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| They might have had cages in Brazil by then, but a lot of the fights in Brazil in the early days, they'd actually fight in a ring with a net. | ||
| But what they did was they made... | ||
| What they did was they made it, they packaged it in a way that made it a major sport. | ||
| Yes, 100%. | ||
| Instead of just, like, a blood sport where people, like, something that was done in back alleys. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Right? | ||
| They made it so, like, you could put it on TV. And that was the most brilliant move. | ||
| I mean, they had to bring in the regulators and shit to kind of make that happen, but that's what made it what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, they also had to spend a fuckload. | |
| Yeah, I heard Dana saying that they didn't make any money. | ||
| You did the first ones for free? | ||
| Yeah, I did the first 12. 12 or 13 shows I did for free. | ||
| Well, Dana became my friend. | ||
| And I knew they were hemorrhaging money. | ||
| And I said, I don't need any money. | ||
| I go, just fly us out here. | ||
| Fly us out here and get my friends tickets. | ||
| So it was like me and Eddie Bravo would just fly out to the fight. | ||
| Because we were flying out to the fights before I worked there. | ||
| He reached out to me because he knew I used to work for the UFC back in the day because I started working for the UFC in 97. That was the post-fight commentator. | ||
| Oh, it was before Zufa. | ||
| Before Zufa. | ||
| Oh, okay, yeah. | ||
| So it was Zufa, but it was – no, it wasn't Zufa. | ||
| It was SEG. I'm sorry. | ||
| It's still Zufa even though Zufa is sold to WEM. Um, so we were in these, like, small little places in the middle of nowhere, and I did in the early days, I saw Vitor's debut, I saw Randy Couture's debut, Dan Henderson's debut. | ||
| I mean, I was there for, like, Chuck Liddell's debut. | ||
| I was there for all these early, early fights. | ||
| I saw a Carlos Newton fight. | ||
| I saw all these, like, Alan Joban, I mean, of course, Alan Joban. | ||
| He was actually at Eddie's gym. | ||
| But I saw all these, like, great fighters fight. | ||
| He wasn't, Alan was late later. | ||
| I was thinking of, um... | ||
| How cool was I thinking of? | ||
| Alan Goez. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Alan Goez was a jujitsu wizard who I got to see fight in the early days of the UFC. Most people don't even remember these guys. | ||
| Like, top-level guys back in the day. | ||
| And to me, it was like I was a kid in a candy store. | ||
| But I was losing money doing it, you know? | ||
| Like, I could be at a comedy club on the road, and I was still on news radio. | ||
| I was busy. | ||
| And I did it for a while, but it was costing me money. | ||
| It was the experience I had. | ||
| I was like, this is fun. | ||
| But they were doing one in Japan. | ||
| And when they went to do the one in Japan, I'm like, I'm out. | ||
| I'm not going to Japan for $1,000 or whatever I got paid. | ||
| I'm not going to Japan. | ||
| So I quit. | ||
| And I stay a fan. | ||
| And then Dana contacts me in like 2001 and says, hey, we're going to have the UFC in Vegas. | ||
| We got tickets for you if you want to come. | ||
| I'm like, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to go. | ||
| So me and Eddie, we flew out to Vegas to watch the UFC. And so I did that for like... | ||
| The first one or two, and then they had one on Fox. | ||
| And he said, would you do me a favor? | ||
| And I said, what? | ||
| He said, will you do commentary for the one on Fox? | ||
| Because it was on Fox Sports Net. | ||
| It was like the best damn sports show period. | ||
| Do you remember that show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I remember that. | |
| They had like a UFC event. | ||
| So I did that. | ||
| It was UFC 37 and a half. | ||
| 37 and a half? | ||
| Yeah, that's what it was called. | ||
| UFC 37 and a half. | ||
| So I did that, and that was the beginning. | ||
| And he goes, dude, please keep doing that. | ||
| And I was like, okay. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| What's the name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that? | |
| This? | ||
| Is that the good stuff? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You want some? | ||
| This is those Ron White cigars. | ||
| It's a little baby cigar. | ||
| Here you go, sir. | ||
| Gracias. | ||
| My man. | ||
| But so that was, you know. | ||
| That was 2002 or something like that. | ||
| So when did you hit the point where he was like, alright, I want you to do it permanently? | ||
| Yeah, I had to sign a contract. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| But how many UFCs were you in before you were like, I think I'm going to just do this. | ||
| Well, I mean, it was like, like I said, it was like 13 in and I never asked for any money. | ||
| And I was like, it's all right, man. | ||
| I'm having a good time. | ||
| I'm happy that you guys like what I do. | ||
| I'm excited and I'm happy to be able to promote the sport. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| June 22nd, 2002. Whoever that is beside you, that dude looks out of his depth. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So that dude that that's Jeff Osborn. | ||
| He was awesome. | ||
| He also did a hook-and-shoot who's one of the one of the earlier MMA promotions that like Eve Edwards came out of there Josh near came out of there I some real killers came out of those promotions like a Midwest fight There was a bunch of those like early on promotions These like small level promotions that a lot of guys came up in I can't imagine being like Even in the Chuck Liddell era, before that, before the UFC, what were fighters making? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Well, Chuck Liddell, when he had his first fights, he was fighting bare knuckle in Brazil. | ||
| He fought Pele. | ||
| Pele is this legendary member of Shoot the Box. | ||
| You know, I know I've talked to you about Shoot the Box before. | ||
| That's Anderson Silva. | ||
| That's where Shogun came out of. | ||
| I mean, that's Rafael Cordero, the guy who holds mitts for Mike Tyson. | ||
| He's from Shoot the Box. | ||
| And now he runs King's MMA. But this is, you know, we're like, this is probably like, what year is this? | ||
| This has to be like 95? | ||
| 98. Okay. | ||
| So this is probably either right before Chuck Liddell fought in the UFC, somewhere around that range, but he's fighting in Brazil, bare knuckle, against a dude who's like a legend in Brazil. | ||
| Like, Pele was like, look, Pele took Chuck Liddell down. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| This is how dangerous this fucking dude is. | ||
| Chuck Liddell never gets taken down. | ||
| Here he is, mounted, bare knuckle. | ||
| And this is a crazy-ass fight, man. | ||
| And Chuck eventually gets all of it. | ||
| Look how they have the setup where the ring at the bottom of it has a net in it. | ||
| Bro, Pele's all over him. | ||
| But now Chuck sneaks out the back door, and Chuck was like a really good wrestler, but he used his wrestling to stand up. | ||
| He just wanted to blast people because he also had a karate background. | ||
| Now in these fights, you're allowed to headbutt, you're allowed to stomp, you're allowed to do everything. | ||
| You got bare knuckles. | ||
| You could even grab dicks. | ||
| A lot of these dudes grabbed each other in the dick. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Gary Goodrich did it to the Pedro. | ||
| My signature move. | ||
| Bro, he reached into his shorts and grabbed his cock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crushing his balls like it was crazy what people were doing Damn you allowed to squeeze balls. | |
| Well, they were in that promotion It was like you could do anything which is kind of crazy that nobody just I poked the shit out of each other Yeah, I think you weren't allowed to bite or you just start with the ball squeeze Look he just got thrown out of the fucking ring onto the ground That's why the net is there to try to trap them while they're beating the shit out of each other I don't know man some of them just were to the finish I mean, the early UFCs were all to the finish. | ||
| It's a 33 minute video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think a lot of these fights were just battles of attrition and they went on as long as they went on. | ||
| Brazil, when they were doing Vale Tudo, it was the purest form of MMA. It wasn't the same level that MMA is today, but it was the purest form because these guys were bare knuckle. | ||
| They would just wear like little fucking Speedos and they would do everything. | ||
| You could kick, you could punch, you could stomp. | ||
| To the finish. | ||
| You could elbow the back of the head. | ||
| You get someone's back, you don't even have to sink in a choke. | ||
| If you get someone's back with the hooks in, Henzo Gracie did that in one of his fights. | ||
| He just got this dude's back and just blasted him with elbows in the head. | ||
| The back of your head is so vulnerable. | ||
| In the UFC, you're literally not even allowed to hit the back of the head. | ||
| It's one area where you're not allowed to strike. | ||
| That's how dangerous it is. | ||
| And in the old days, they got your back and they go right for that spot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Yeah, that's gonna put you out. | ||
| Oh, you're getting fucked up. | ||
| So it was like a pure version of what actually works and what doesn't work. | ||
| Because if you have no gloves on, punching changes. | ||
| Everything changes. | ||
| Your ability to block punches changes. | ||
| So if you go from like boxing gloves to MMA gloves, there's a giant difference. | ||
| But even if you go from MMA gloves to no gloves, there's a difference. | ||
| Because it feels different on your face. | ||
| It fucking hurts more. | ||
| It hurts your hands more. | ||
| It cuts you up. | ||
| Everybody gets cut open. | ||
| It's a much more realistic version of fighting. | ||
| And that's what they were doing in Brazil. | ||
| It didn't get... | ||
| Like, when they brought it to America, when Horry and Gracie created the UFC and brought it to America in 93, when they had their very first event, they had to kind of do some rules. | ||
| So they had a cage. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They had, like, you know... | ||
| But it was all... | ||
| No time limit. | ||
| Every fight was till the fight was over. | ||
| See, that's what's crazy to me. | ||
| Every fight in the UFC, those fights were Hoist Gracie was armbarring everybody. | ||
| And there was no weight. | ||
| There was no rounds. | ||
| There was no weights. | ||
| Hoist weighed 176 pounds. | ||
| That was his second pro fight. | ||
| He had already fought once in the UFC by then. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So UFC 17 in Mobile, Alabama. | ||
| With a decision over Noe Hernandez. | ||
| I was there for that. | ||
| So the next fight he did that, bare knuckle. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, something I just found said it was a 30-minute, no rounds, no breaks, no gloves, very few rules. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Headbutts, groin strikes, kicking in the knees to the back of the downed opponent, strikes to the back of the head are all allowed. | ||
| 1998. He was 28 years old and he weighed 198 pounds. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, and that was back when there was no glory. | ||
| No glory. | ||
| Very little fanfare. | ||
| Very little fanfare. | ||
| The UFC's weight limit was 200 back then. | ||
| There was a 200-pound weight class. | ||
| Like, right around then, they started putting in a weight class. | ||
| So, like, when Tito Ortiz was a champ, it was like, I believe it was 200. And then they moved it up to 205 later. | ||
| They changed it. | ||
| But I think, like, when Frank Shamrock was a champ, I believe the weight class was 200. And you couldn't be over that? | ||
| Yeah, that was like, I think there was like a couple of weight classes. | ||
| I think they started instituting weight classes, and they had like a 55, and then they had like a 70, and then they started sticking them all in there. | ||
| And then it became, you know, what it is today, which I still think is underweight classed. | ||
| I think they should have several more. | ||
| I think they should have one- Higher? | ||
| No, all throughout the range. | ||
| I feel like there should be one every 10 pounds. | ||
| And right now we have these giant gaps that don't necessarily make sense. | ||
| Like we have a huge gap from 155 to 170. That's 15 pounds. | ||
| That's a big difference in a human being. | ||
| Like how much bigger and stronger a person is and how they can cut down to 170 versus a guy who really weighs like 175 and he cuts to 170. It's like a giant difference between those 205 pound guys that can make that weight cut. | ||
| I feel like if we add a 75, 85, so 55, 65, 75, 85, 95, 205, 225 heavyweight. | ||
| That makes sense to me. | ||
| So you're saying above 225? | ||
| Above 225 should be whatever the fuck you weigh, because right now it's not. | ||
| Right now the heavyweight limit, as ridiculous as it is, is 265 pounds. | ||
| You can't weigh more than 265 pounds in a championship heavyweight fight. | ||
| But even... | ||
| So wait a minute. | ||
| So the heavyweight division goes from 205 to 265. Exactly. | ||
| That... | ||
| Now that seems... | ||
| Crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nuts. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| When you got guys like Francis, it becomes crazy. | ||
| Touch of death, 6'5", 265 natural. | ||
| Francis gets above 265 when he's not training. | ||
| But he's not allowed to be. | ||
| When he fights. | ||
| When he fights, he has to lean out. | ||
| So we're saying 10 pounds makes a difference in every other division except the biggest one. | ||
| Well, in the biggest one, they just say, hey, decide what you are. | ||
| Are you a light heavyweight or are you a heavyweight? | ||
| But isn't their problem, though, that there's not enough Francis Saz motherfuckers running around? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And if they are, they're going to football. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you want to get, like, an elite American athlete that thinks he's going to have a future, making millions of dollars, and you're a 6'5 kid and you're huge, you don't get into MMA. And a lot of those guys, they would have a hard time making 265. How about that? | ||
| What would Francis Ngannou even be in another sport? | ||
| There's this kid that went viral playing basketball right now for NC State. | ||
| Is he Cameroonian? | ||
| No, he's just a really good basketball player. | ||
| He's 6'9", 275, and they're already like NFL scouts are trying to get him to play football instead of basketball. | ||
| Oh, you're a damn fool. | ||
| You bet not. | ||
| Basketball, you don't get brain damage. | ||
| You don't get brain damage, and their contracts are fully guaranteed. | ||
| So all your money's guaranteed. | ||
| If you get hurt, all that. | ||
| Oh, that's better. | ||
| The NFL will never do that. | ||
| Yeah, they can't. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah, if it's my kid, and he gets to choose between the NFL and any other major sports, I'm taking the other one. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| All day. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, all day. | ||
| You don't want those knocks. | ||
| And the baseball players... | ||
| They're making tons of money. | ||
| All guaranteed. | ||
| If you hear a football player got a $50 million contract, it's not $50 million. | ||
| It's $10 million guaranteed with bonuses of this and shit like that. | ||
| But if you hear that a baseball player got a... | ||
| That Japanese dude, did he just get a half a billion dollars? | ||
| He's getting all that money, every single penny. | ||
| He deferred it just like Bobby Bonilla did, which is a pretty fun story. | ||
| So the Japanese dude, is that the dude who has the gambling problem? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Is that a... | ||
| No, you think it's somebody else. | ||
| Is that that guy? | ||
| Yeah, Shoei Otani. | ||
| Yeah, Shoei Otani. | ||
| So that dude gambles. | ||
| What's the story? | ||
| They said his interpreter took a bunch, or he said his interpreter gambled. | ||
| Okay, let me ask you this. | ||
| Do you think that the situation with someone like that, who comes from another country, Do you think that maybe organized crime comes with him a little bit? | ||
| I've heard that, but also there's a lot of... | ||
| A little bit? | ||
| A little bit of like Yakuza action? | ||
| I mean, that's definitely... | ||
| A little taste? | ||
| That's definitely feasible, just because his family's back there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's like, if I want to exploit you somehow... | ||
| Also, he might have a meaningful relationship with those people. | ||
| But also, though, a half a billion dollars is enough to... | ||
| Well, you were unbossed at that point. | ||
| You just have somebody wiped out. | ||
| You can flip it on them. | ||
| If I'm worth half a billion dollars, ain't nobody telling me what to fucking do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Because you're at that point now where you have power. | ||
| That's the kind of money that... | ||
| No mafia boss is exploiting you when you're a billionaire. | ||
| He doesn't have it yet, technically. | ||
| Yeah, but that don't matter. | ||
| Yeah, but he might have a relationship with that. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying he does, but I'm saying that in certain situations, like if you get in bed with organized crime and they help you in your career, like there was always insinuations that Frank Sinatra was involved in the mob, for instance. | ||
| Oh, right, right, yeah. | ||
| You know, and you would imagine that like Frank Sinatra would probably be a terrible guy to piss off because he probably can contact some people and you probably can disappear. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| 100%, right? | ||
| So a guy like that, if he wants to leave the connection with the mob, I bet that's pretty dicey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bet that's real dicey. | ||
| So you just stay with them. | ||
| But what would the mob do for a baseball player? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know, but I would imagine, I mean, what are we talking about, the Yakuza? | ||
| I think most really sophisticated organized crime companies, you call them a company, I think they probably have strategies to maximize their income in all sorts of ways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they probably offer protection so that, you know, you don't have to worry about people fucking with you, and in return, you give them a certain amount of money per month. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does it never mean Otani's not a smart guy? | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Or does it mean that that's the cost of doing business where he lived? | ||
| No, I mean now. | ||
| It's like, how the Japanese mob gonna protect you in America? | ||
| You don't think they can do things over here? | ||
| I mean, they probably could do a couple things, but they don't have like a... | ||
| If you're gonna have someone whacked, that would be the coolest guy to have someone whacked. | ||
| A Japanese assassin. | ||
| But to be like, I'm gonna protect you full time all over America? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No. | ||
| But half a billion dollars for playing a game? | ||
| So what was the problem? | ||
| They said that he was gambling on something he shouldn't have gambled on? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Well, it's a multi-layered problem because, first of all, he has an interpreter with him at all times, I think. | ||
| So how much into his financial life does that guy have the ability to get in to do things? | ||
| And what was the accusation? | ||
| I'm trying to find out the first one. | ||
| I only know about it because Andrew Schultz had a joke where he was talking about him gambling. | ||
| I don't understand why he's not allowed to gamble. | ||
| As long as he's betting on himself to win. | ||
| That's a hard rule to know in baseball. | ||
| Why you can't bet on yourself? | ||
| Most sports, actually. | ||
| That's a new rule at the UFC. What? | ||
| You can't gamble. | ||
| No one from the organization can gamble on the fights. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, and that makes perfect sense, but I'm saying the fighters should be able to gamble so long as they're betting on themselves to win. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| As long as they're betting on themselves to win. | ||
| A football player got in trouble for that recently. | ||
| He gambled on his team to win in a game that he wasn't playing in because he was hurt. | ||
| And he got in trouble. | ||
| I thought it was more than $4.5 million. | ||
| I didn't want to state it without it. | ||
| His claim was his interpreter took $4.5 million to pay off gambling debts from an illegal bookie. | ||
| Oh, that's under federal investigation. | ||
| So they were saying that it was his money, and he was saying, no, my former interpreter, he stole that money, and he paid off his gambling debts. | ||
| That might be true. | ||
| Some people don't believe the story. | ||
| They think that he was just gambling and blaming it on this guy. | ||
| It says, Otani said he was unaware of the payments and never bet on sports with the bookie. | ||
| But even if that's true, it's like, okay, well, you're the fall guy. | ||
| That was your job from the beginning, is to go gamble for me so that it didn't get connected to me. | ||
| Yeah, it's a little fishy. | ||
| It does sound a little convenient. | ||
| A little convenient. | ||
| You didn't notice $4.5 million missing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you fired him but didn't... | ||
| You find him but didn't say nothing about him gambling then. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Yeah, but it's like, that's your job. | ||
| Take that fall. | ||
| You know he didn't do anything because they didn't take any of his money or penalize him in any way, did they? | ||
| Well, if they can't definitively tie him to that... | ||
| I don't know what they can do. | ||
| I don't know how that works. | ||
| If they actually get the guy, and they could get the guy to admit that he used the money, and he embezzled the money, I don't know what the story is. | ||
| It sounds like, oh, I don't believe him, but it could be true. | ||
| We're just talking shit. | ||
| But how does baseball have that much money? | ||
| People love it. | ||
| I don't know anyone that watches baseball. | ||
| Not as their number one sport. | ||
| Some people love it. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They love baseball. | ||
| They live for it. | ||
| They live for it. | ||
| Ari loves it. | ||
| He loves going to the games. | ||
| Loves it. | ||
| $10 billion in revenue in 2022. Jesus. | ||
| Ten billion? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They have huge TV deal contracts because it's on all summer when there's no other sports on. | ||
| And there's 32 teams and games last three hours, you know? | ||
| It's also casual sport watching. | ||
| Sports betting. | ||
| So you watch baseball while you're hanging out with your buddies. | ||
| Yeah, you don't have to pay attention. | ||
| And you can talk about all kinds of other shit. | ||
| You can bullshit while the game's going on. | ||
| You're not locked until the guy's throwing the pitch. | ||
| There's a lot of downtime. | ||
| You're talking shit. | ||
| You know what Debbie told me? | ||
| Tell me if this is ridiculous. | ||
| And you start talking, and you're drinking. | ||
| You want another hot dog? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| If you're watching Anderson Silva fight Vitor Belfort, you're fucking glued. | ||
| You're like, shut the fuck up! | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| Like, you don't want anybody talking to you about bills. | ||
| You want to what? | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| What is happening? | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| That's what people... | ||
| I get a lot of shit from my own friend group. | ||
| You see everybody gives me shit all the time. | ||
| Because I'm a... | ||
| You know, I have very peculiar ways of doing some things. | ||
| And one of those things is I prefer to watch sports and stuff alone. | ||
| I'm not trying to have a Super Bowl get-together because I'd rather buy the food I want to eat and only have the sounds I want to hear around people. | ||
| There's very few people that I would rather watch it with them than by myself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nah, I like to go to the movies alone. | ||
| Anything where I gotta pay attention to something, I like to do by myself. | ||
| Yeah, I've been watching Shogun alone. | ||
| I watch it with my dog, but I've been watching Shogun alone. | ||
| The only series I've watched alone in a long time. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| We don't have to talk. | ||
| It's the only way to go. | ||
| Dude, it's... | ||
| Going to see a fight live is the best way to see it, for sure. | ||
| But watching a fight alone at home... | ||
| Like, when I can watch the fights alone, like it's fights in Europe or somewhere, I'm not there. | ||
| It's just me alone at home just sitting in the theater, like staring at the screen, watching the fight. | ||
| I am so locked in, man. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I find myself talking. | ||
| There's no variables. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| That is a fucking experience, man. | ||
| I can pause it when I want. | ||
| I can walk away from it. | ||
| I can stop. | ||
| I can call somebody. | ||
| Take a shit. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Check your text messages. | ||
| Get right back to it. | ||
| Because you know what it is? | ||
| I don't like having people there that aren't trying to watch. | ||
| The thing about Super Bowl parties is there's people there that's not into football, and they're interested in the event that is the party, not the game. | ||
| So it's like, I just want to watch football. | ||
| I'm not here for the hors d'oeuvres and cute outfits. | ||
| I feel you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Halftime show. | ||
| Nah, I could miss every single one. | ||
| Yeah, I don't... | ||
| I'm so glad they don't do a fight. | ||
| Halftime show? | ||
| No, you know the interesting... | ||
| Have a rapper come out or something, have some band. | ||
| No, the interesting story just came out during this last Super Bowl that the Waynes brothers are the reason that there's a halftime show in the Super Bowl. | ||
| I watched that. | ||
| I watched that live as a halftime show at a pool hall. | ||
| It was the first time I ever saw In Living Color. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| Well, it wasn't my first time seeing In Living Color, but everyone watched it, you know? | ||
| And it was like, yeah, the NFL was like, oh, no, we're not giving up these ratings. | ||
| Yeah, because everybody knew for a half hour is just nonsense and chitter chatter. | ||
| Right, before that, before Michael Jackson, because Michael Jackson is the first one you remember, that everyone remembers, the first halftime show. | ||
| When people say halftime show, that's what they're talking about. | ||
| Because before that, it was just every other football game. | ||
| It was just marching bands and regular shit. | ||
| And the NFL was like, oh, we're going to drop a nuke. | ||
| Our answer next year is Michael Jackson. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Everyone changing the channel with all that revenue they were losing? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And then with Michael Jackson, you're gonna get people that will watch the Super Bowl now that wouldn't have watched the Super Bowl because they're gonna get to see Michael Jackson perform. | ||
| I don't think people understand how big Michael Jackson was. | ||
| I don't think they understand it because they weren't alive when it was happening. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to convict. | ||
| When you talk to young people now, you're like, there'll never be anyone that big. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, but Taylor Swift, but Beyonce. | ||
| No, they're all huge. | ||
| They're huge. | ||
| But they're huge today. | ||
| They're huge today in the era of social media, in the era of, you know, it's just a different world of sharing from streaming platforms. | ||
| Someone huge today, you can't take away from Taylor Swift being huge, but there's a lot of people that are huge today. | ||
| It's not like then. | ||
| Then there was one guy that was the guy. | ||
| And he wasn't just, he was huge from the time he was like five years old until the day he died. | ||
| He could literally have people passing out in Japan. | ||
| They couldn't stand being near him. | ||
| They'd freak out. | ||
| The world is just set up differently where there could not be another Michael Jackson. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a different world, but there's a few guys that broke through, and it's just like they ran to the top of Everest with no oxygen, and there was just no support system for them. | ||
| Nobody had ever been there before, so nobody even knew this could be a thing. | ||
| You had Elvis, who got there, and he died, and then you have Michael Jackson, right? | ||
| And nobody else has ever really gotten that big. | ||
| Oh, the Beatles? | ||
| The Beatles? | ||
| Yeah, I guess the Beatles did. | ||
| But Michael Jackson was an individual. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you see the silhouette of him with the top hat, And when the lights would go on, bro, people would go insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was dancing and moving. | ||
| When you see that, show me that thing when you see him when he comes out on stage. | ||
| People forget that at that Super Bowl, that one where he just stood there for the first, like, two minutes. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Dude, he was something really unusual. | ||
| Get into the silhouette here. | ||
| Oh, they didn't do it there, but when he gets out there, bro, when they see him... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gotta be careful. | |
| Yeah, we've probably already got... | ||
| I mean, we're just watching it. | ||
| I just want to make sure the... | ||
| What the fuck, though, dude? | ||
| How about these other dudes that are working with him going, when do I get my shine? | ||
| You know, if you're in the Michael Jackson band and you're standing right next to him, you're invisible. | ||
| You're in front of millions of people, but you're invisible because that guy shines so bright. | ||
| That guy shines so bright that no one sees anybody else there. | ||
| The guy next to him, he's like doing his best, man. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's singing. | ||
| He's doing his best. | ||
| Nobody gives a shit. | ||
| That guy could just stop. | ||
| I bet you he's not even saying anything. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably lip synced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did they used to do that back then? | |
| I don't think Michael Jackson did that. | ||
| Way harder to do it back then. | ||
| Bro, the nuttiest one was that one on Saturday Night Live, where that girl, she was trying to lip-sync on Saturday Night Live, and the thing, like, fucked up. | ||
| Oh, was that, um... | ||
| Ashley Simpson. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, the thing is, I think people just have forgotten that that's how people do... | ||
| She didn't do anything... | ||
| No. | ||
| That nobody else does. | ||
| It's not like she didn't really sing that song. | ||
| She just wasn't performing it live. | ||
| And what people want is you to walk the tightrope. | ||
| Yeah, but what happens is what everyone does is they have their backing vocals live. | ||
| Like all the harmonizing vocals and stuff. | ||
| And almost no one sings every part of the song live. | ||
| Or they might hire backup singers to do the harmonizing part. | ||
| But Michael Johnson couldn't do that. | ||
| If you ever watch one of his little engineering sessions, it's like 19 different voice tracks. | ||
| Every little, ooh, and ah, and all that is all separate tracks. | ||
| So all that has to be played through the speakers. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| But people full-on lip-syncing where it's the whole track plan for them? | ||
| You also have to think that a lot of the recorded stuff has been manipulated, right? | ||
| Like he was doing crazy voice stuff. | ||
| And then on top of that, he's dancing. | ||
| So how much cardio is that dude burning off? | ||
| You have to be in shape to do a Michael Jackson show. | ||
| He's fucking dancing and moving and moving and walking. | ||
| You're gonna get out of breath. | ||
| So you have to sing while you're doing that in perfect pitch? | ||
| So this is Michael Jackson doing his vocals for Thriller. | ||
| But each of these layers you see is like a different tone. | ||
| So it'd be like him doing his own choir, if you will. | ||
| So he's got like the bass and then the falsetto. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it does each little, shows you what he's doing. | |
| You start to free. | ||
| You start to free. | ||
| You start to freeze! | ||
| You start to freeze! | ||
| Wow! | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's done now with a bunch of tricks, but back then, you either could kind of do it or you couldn't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So it's just layered. | ||
| It's all layered. | ||
| It's all layered and all that. | ||
| Jamie's fucking audio skills coming to work right there. | ||
| You understand it. | ||
| This is a thing. | ||
| I was actually going to bring up another point, but I'm not going to get into that right now. | ||
| Someone else that's going viral on TikTok and their use of these tricks. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| In TikTok? | ||
| For singing? | ||
| I saw someone getting called out, yeah. | ||
| Called out? | ||
| Cinema Jennifer Lopez's songs have been called out recently. | ||
| For what? | ||
| Like, there's this... | ||
| It's how they produce the songs. | ||
| The big one I saw today was a backup singer. | ||
| Her name's, I think, Natasha Ramos. | ||
| She's claiming, which I think was true, she was paid to sing the song as a demo, and then J-Lo comes in and re-sings it, sort of. | ||
| But then, in the engineering, it sounds like the song that was released was more of her vocals than J-Lo's, according to her. | ||
| And this is one song? | ||
| And then there's multiple songs people are sort of digging up that like, what about this song? | ||
| What about this song? | ||
| How many songs did she actually sing? | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah, there's been more and more claims. | ||
| It came up today, this girl was responding to someone else, another backup singer, making some claims about a few songs that she worked on. | ||
| Bro, I don't even know... | ||
| A Jennifer Lopez song. | ||
| I couldn't... | ||
| Jenny on the block. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| That's the one that she's talking about. | ||
| She's like, that's me actually saying, like, from the Bronx and this and that. | ||
| Jayla's voice is on there somewhere in the mix. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I'll say they mixed her with this other girl's voice. | ||
| But I'm just like, but did you get paid for that? | ||
| I would assume so. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| You should... | ||
| Because I'm not about the people that are like, that you signed up... | ||
| You signed up for a shitty deal so you could get ahead of it. | ||
| Is that technically background singing? | ||
| If she's singing over it, how would that even work? | ||
| What would you call that? | ||
| If she's singing over it, that's not really background singing, right? | ||
| That's why I tried it like it's a demo. | ||
| I don't know, it's like tracing the lines. | ||
| But the whole business is set up to... | ||
| Everyone's getting fucked. | ||
| The shit rolls downhill. | ||
| That's how the whole business is set up. | ||
| Well, the wildest one was Milli Vanilli. | ||
| That's the wildest. | ||
| That's when everyone knew. | ||
| Well, that's where it all fell apart. | ||
| That's where it all fell apart. | ||
| Where people are like, oh my god, these fucking record companies have produced humans that we feel are perfectly desirable physically, but they can't sing the way we want them to do, so we'll get other people to sing it. | ||
| Well, apparently, the dude behind Milli Vanilli, he was behind a ton of other people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So over there where they were from, I don't know if it was Italy or France or whatever, but it was like a thing back then at the time. | ||
| It was nothing for a brilliant artist to like basically foster a pop star, you know? | ||
| It wasn't a big deal over there where they were from. | ||
| It was something everyone did that was talented. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they got away for a long time over here, but Americans weren't aware of that. | ||
| Foster a pop star is an interesting way of putting it. | ||
| But there's a difference between that and creating a fake star with someone else's singing. | ||
| You got some homely looking person who's singing, and then you got Milli Vanilli who's out there dancing it. | ||
| That was the problem. | ||
| No, but that's what I'm saying. | ||
| They all did it. | ||
| They all would go get models to perform their songs. | ||
| But what I'm saying is where they were from, it was known and it wasn't looked down upon. | ||
| Bro, they would do that in comedy if they could do it. | ||
| If they could pull it off. | ||
| Oh, they do do that in comedy, don't they? | ||
| Well, that's what managers of thieves are doing. | ||
| Oh, you're saying like, oh, they could create a comedy style? | ||
| Like hire a bunch of comics to be writers? | ||
| Yeah, find some cute guy who's really good at telling jokes and just hire a team of people to write for them, just like the record companies do. | ||
| That might be a better deal to be the man behind the man. | ||
| If you made a substantial enough amount, I think that's probably better than being famous. | ||
| Well, some people like to work with comics, and some comics employ writers. | ||
| So they employ writers that come with them, and then they'll workshop ideas, and maybe the writers will come to them with premises. | ||
| Some of my friends write for comics. | ||
| They write for people. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They'll sell them bits, you know, or they'll sell them premises or setups or, you know, things like that. | ||
| Because some guys are just spitting out ideas all the time. | ||
| Like Kurt Metzger does a lot of that. | ||
| Yeah, they just got a computer. | ||
| Just got to write it down. | ||
| All that's, you know, I have zero problem with that. | ||
| But I think there's a thing that people want to see with comedy. | ||
| Like, I want to know what Brian Simpson thinks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't want to know what a committee thinks. | ||
| That consults with Bryan Simpson and then Bryan Simpson presents his argument. | ||
| I want to know what you really think. | ||
| And I think that's one of the really rare, unique things about stand-up. | ||
| Like, Bill Burr is the best at that. | ||
| Like, Bill Burr is the best at getting his perspectives out in a hilarious way. | ||
| And you know that he's not consulting with anybody when he's formulating these bits. | ||
| This is Bill Burr going, hey, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And bam, and then it becomes this hilarious bit. | ||
| I think I would hire writers if they were like, quick, you hosting the Grammys tomorrow. | ||
| I think you would need writers. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's a different animal. | ||
| That's a different animal. | ||
| Then you really don't want to, you know, Joe Coy it. | ||
| You want to bring in some experts. | ||
| Well, that's one of the lessons to learn. | ||
| It's like anybody asking you to do something at the last minute, they did not want you in the first place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also, they can't get anybody else to do it because it's a sucky gig. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| It's like, Joe Coy's got his material that he works out, that he's got down solid. | ||
| He's got a giant fan base. | ||
| You're asking him to step into a totally different genre, write jokes about things he might not even be interested in, and do it all in 10 days. | ||
| And I bet you he didn't get to hire any of the writers. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know what happened, but don't do that. | ||
| I mean, there's no way I would do it last minute with the people you picked. | ||
| It's like, you got three days to write some jokes for an award show? | ||
| It's like, I'm bringing in all the hitters. | ||
| Look how much Chris Rock blew up after he stopped doing the Oscar thing. | ||
| So Chris Rock gets slapped by Will Smith, and then everybody wants to see Chris Rock. | ||
| And Chris Rock's selling out arenas and murdering. | ||
| Everybody I know this song. | ||
| Tommy went to see him, he said, dude, it was insane. | ||
| He goes, it was vintage. | ||
| Bring the pain, Chris Rock. | ||
| He goes, it's like Chris Rock came all the way back. | ||
| Just let go of all that Hollywood Oscars bullshit because they've failed him in the most transparent and obvious way. | ||
| He gets assaulted on stage and then they give Will Smith a standing ovation later when he wins an award. | ||
| Like, you just gave the green light for people to hit people if they don't like the person who's doing very mild jokes. | ||
| Very mild. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Their career's gonna always be connected, too. | ||
| They're gonna always ask both of them about it. | ||
| Forever and ever and ever and ever. | ||
| And it's so unfortunate. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| But, you know, that's a Michael Jackson-type deal. | ||
| Will Smith got so big. | ||
| He got so famous and so used to being Will Smith that he thought he could get on stage and slap Chris Rock in front of the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the ultimate, like... | ||
| I mean, he did, though. | ||
| He could. | ||
| Physically. | ||
| But that's also part of the problem. | ||
| Like, he's not going to do that if it's Michael Jai White. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, he's not gonna do that to someone who will just fuck him up. | ||
| I would love to test that theory. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| There's probably an AI that could answer that. | ||
| Like, if you go on stage and hit a guy that you can hit anytime you want to, because he can't defend you, that's so much different than going on stage and smacking Terry Crews. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| He still hasn't recovered either. | ||
| Like, is he still... | ||
| No, it probably feels terrible. | ||
| He probably wakes up in the middle of the night when he has to take a piss. | ||
| You go, why did I do that? | ||
| I think Chris won't take his call either. | ||
| You know. | ||
| He's like, hey man, just because you're ready to be sorry don't mean I've got to talk to you right now. | ||
| Yeah, man, I mean, I think you've got to go way out of your way if you want to talk to that guy. | ||
| You know, I don't think it's as simple as a phone call. | ||
| You should probably, like, fly to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because also, what can he do? | ||
| What can that conversation do to... | ||
| Because what you really want is to be absolved of the guilt. | ||
| You'll never be absolved of the guilt because it just happened. | ||
| You're not going to take away the fact that it happened. | ||
| But you could let that person know that you are sincerely sorry. | ||
| And we've all done things in our life that we're sincerely sorry about. | ||
| Now, I don't think you should hold someone to mistakes. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| Even in the case of Will Smith, like, that's not that big a deal. | ||
| He didn't hurt him. | ||
| He just, he barely hit him. | ||
| It was nothing. | ||
| Yeah, but he publicly emasculated him. | ||
| He did. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| It was stupid. | ||
| But I'm saying it's not like he killed somebody. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It was fairly mild in the kind of assault that it was. | ||
| Right, but you know that in man world... | ||
| In the world of men, there's a line where the milder it gets, it's almost more disrespectful. | ||
| But here's the other thing in the world of men. | ||
| If you're as big as Will Smith, you don't ever slap a guy who's as little as Chris Rock. | ||
| True, true. | ||
| It's just not cool. | ||
| This is not fair in any way, shape, or form. | ||
| Unless that dude is doing something to harm You or someone with you or your family, your friends. | ||
| Unless that person is physically doing something, why are you hitting them? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But you know what people were wrong about? | ||
| Him and Jada Pinkett still together. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Still together. | ||
| Now I'm convinced they're never going to break up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Abracadabra! | |
| They're never going to break up. | ||
| Well, there's a book of potions in that house. | ||
| There's a book of potions in that house. | ||
| There's a black cat in that yard. | ||
| There's little dolls made of sticks with pins on them. | ||
| Yeah, I don't get it. | ||
| Some people want to be miserable. | ||
| She got that WAP fold, man. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something's happening. | ||
| They like it together better than they like it apart. | ||
| Hey, maybe we're wrong. | ||
| Maybe it's the pressure of living publicly, which is a real thing. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think it's even really that complicated. | ||
| I think it's just a situation where he is super duper crazy, head over heels in love with her, and she only cares about herself. | ||
| They just got a lot of money, so we see the results of it all, but we all know couples like that. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be careful. | ||
| Those are the worst couples to see for me. | ||
| You gotta be careful who you're with. | ||
| Because you change depending upon who you're with. | ||
| You know, you're only at your best if you're with someone who's actually with you. | ||
| In your corner. | ||
| Really legit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard Earthquake say this. | |
| About them, specifically. | ||
| But just basically about how if you're... | ||
| If you're not proud of the person you're walking down the street with, you're not your full self. | ||
| You know, like something to that effect. | ||
| If you're not proud of the woman that you're with. | ||
| As a human being. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Not just a mess that's hot. | ||
| Yeah, like you see your friends and some people, they're with women and you can just see that they're just like exhausted. | ||
| They also get in fights publicly and they get humiliated publicly. | ||
| Tell all your business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, why don't you tell them about your fucking dildos? | |
| Come on, now I gotta pretend like I just learned that. | ||
| No! | ||
| Yeah, it's like, any of that shit, that shit just don't seem like it's worth it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the shit that Phil Hartman's wife used to do to him. | ||
| You always talk very... | ||
| Positively about Phil Hartman. | ||
| He was a great guy. | ||
| He really was. | ||
| He was a very unique guy. | ||
| Very interesting guy. | ||
| Became a pilot while we were on the show. | ||
| Like, took flight lessons. | ||
| In between, like, reading his lines, he would have his flight manuals. | ||
| He was reading and studying. | ||
| He became a pilot. | ||
| And his wife was a cunt? | ||
| Yeah, man, it wasn't good. | ||
| She shot him in his sleep and then killed herself. | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
| Yeah, and she was just like, they had horrible fights, and she would humiliate them publicly. | ||
| She would say rude things about them publicly. | ||
| Like when we're out at some sort of a celebration, some dinner or something like that, she would say rude shit about them. | ||
| That's hard to get through. | ||
| Oh, it was like this deep-seated anger between the two of them, just exacerbated by cocaine. | ||
| I don't think he was doing that, but he smoked a lot of weed. | ||
| He liked weed. | ||
| Phil Hartman, he was a fun dude. | ||
| He was a very, very good dude. | ||
| But why put up with that? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think some people are more terrified of being alone than they are of being in a bad relationship. | ||
| Because what's sadder than just a beaten man? | ||
| When you see a dude that's just defeated... | ||
| But someone has to lose in this life. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, people have to realize that there's consequences. | ||
| Other people learn from their failures. | ||
| There's some sort of a mathematical equation to it all. | ||
| I don't think everybody can thrive, unfortunately. | ||
| I think everybody should have the opportunity to thrive, though, and that's the real disservice about the economic state of our country. | ||
| I think everybody should have the opportunity to thrive, but everybody's not going to thrive. | ||
| People are different. | ||
| They're just different. | ||
| They're different right out of the box. | ||
| And when you have kids, you see it right out of the box. | ||
| Like some kids are just crazy motivated to do things and other kids are just not. | ||
| And some kids are just really creative and other kids are just not. | ||
| And some kids are really interested in science and some kids don't give a fuck about science. | ||
| That's one of the hardest things for me is I'm 41 Almost all my friends have kids now. | ||
| I'm one of the only ones in the Friends that don't have kids, but I'm also uniquely positioned where I can be honest about your kids. | ||
| I gotta keep it to myself sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes I want to be like, we all know this one's not a winner. | ||
| Well, they can become winners. | ||
| Can they? | ||
| Yeah, some of them can. | ||
| They just have to find a thing that allows them to figure out the benefits of hard work. | ||
| If you can find a thing that you enjoy, like I met this dude once who lost like over a hundred pounds by playing Dance Dance Revolution. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, that's gonna take it off you. | ||
| But imagine that. | ||
| So he's this, like, very overweight guy. | ||
| And he loves video games, just kind of being a nerd and going to the video game place. | ||
| And he starts playing Dance Dance Revolution. | ||
| And he starts getting good at it. | ||
| And so he's playing it all the time. | ||
| So this motherfucker is burning calories. | ||
| And his body just changed. | ||
| From Dance Dance Revolution, from a video game, this dude's body changed. | ||
| And then his whole life changed. | ||
| Then he started eating well and working out. | ||
| And he started, like, it changed his whole life. | ||
| Changed his whole life. | ||
| And he went from being like, this guy's not going to make it, to like, oh, this guy's probably going to make something out of himself. | ||
| Because most people just don't know what to do, man, and they get trapped. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, the people that blow my mind are the people that have two shitty parents, and they still thrive. | ||
| When I meet people like that, because most of the time, when you meet people's parents, you already know what their fate's going to be. | ||
| From just, oh, your mother's a loser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But sometimes you meet people and they have the opposite effect where they're like, I'm not going to be... | ||
| I'm going to be the opposite of my parents. | ||
| I'm going to thrive in spite of them. | ||
| You meet somebody that's nothing like their family? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're like, how the fuck did you manage to not let any of these people rub off on you? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I had a friend and his mother was an alcoholic. | ||
| And she would lock him in the house and when she would go out and drink it, she would lock him in his room. | ||
| And he had no food. | ||
| He had no water. | ||
| She'd be gone for days. | ||
| And to this day, this dude will never touch a drop of alcohol. | ||
| And he always, like, if there's, like, a little bit of food on your plate and we're at a restaurant, he said, no, I'll take that to go. | ||
| He'll take all food to go. | ||
| All food to go. | ||
| And he was wealthy at the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that childhood should stick with you, man. | ||
| I don't know anybody, everybody I know that's got some kind of problem. | ||
| It started when they was kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's like some kind of long-standing issue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And if you're abused like that when you're little, learning to trust someone is almost out of the question. | ||
| Everybody could fail you in a catastrophic way, and you have to be prepared for that. | ||
| Imagine locking your kids in their room so you can go get fucked up. | ||
| Dude, the mind is a crazy playground of demons. | ||
| And those demons can get in your mind, and whether those demons are in the form of pills, or it's heroin, or it's gambling, or it's whatever the fuck it is, man. | ||
| Those demons get in your mind, and if it's that alcohol demon, and you just don't want to go out on a bender, and you don't give a fuck about that kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I'm glad it's not my demon. | |
| But you have to think also, what happened to her? | ||
| That she was willing to lock her kid in a room. | ||
| Like, that's not a normal parent that is allowed. | ||
| What happened to her? | ||
| Like, what abuse did she suffer? | ||
| And that's a lot of it. | ||
| You know, I always tell this about my friends from the East Coast. | ||
| Because East Coast, it's a different place. | ||
| Those cities like Philly and Boston and New York, the people that are from there, those are wild, rugged people. | ||
| Because they're the ancestors of the people that came over in boats when no one knew what the fuck was over here. | ||
| They just took a wild chance with their babies and came across the ocean in a boat to try to get a job in a place where they don't even speak the language. | ||
| And they just integrated. | ||
| They were wild people and they probably didn't do such a good job of raising their kids. | ||
| And then their kids probably didn't do such a good job of raising their kids because of that. | ||
| And it's just over time where people have been able to have access to psychology literature and understanding parenting. | ||
| The pros and cons and what went bad and what goes good. | ||
| And people are getting an understanding more and more. | ||
| When you're raising a kid, it's like the most complicated, sophisticated thing that we're aware of other than a computer. | ||
| And it doesn't have an operating manual. | ||
| What do I do when it cries? | ||
| What do I do when it screams? | ||
| What do I do when it throws shit? | ||
| What do I do when it doesn't want to eat its vegetables? | ||
| Like every kid from the 80s eventually read a book at one point and was like, oh, I was abused. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| Oh, you shouldn't hit kids. | ||
| That was not normal. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| Yo, my grandma had a fucking... | ||
| She would have shit crafted specifically for whooping your ass with. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I remember there was a... | ||
| She had one of those... | ||
| You know those paddles girls used to have with the bouncy ball on a string? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She had one of those heavy-duty, had holes drilled in it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So when it hit your cheeks, it sucked up the skin so you got hurt on the way in and on the way out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ahhhh. | |
| That was specifically for report cards. | ||
| So when it was report card season, it's like we broke that motherfucker, got broke out, polished up. | ||
| Let's look at this, let's look at these grades. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I got paddled at school once when I lived in Florida. | ||
| Oh man, that's when teachers could still hit you. | ||
| Yeah, they used to be able to hit you. | ||
| We got paddled. | ||
| Me and this dude Preston Banks, we got in a fight. | ||
| And I realized, like Preston, people would make fun of Preston because he smelled. | ||
| I think Preston, Preston came from a bad childhood and this is something I realized like I guess I was like 11 at the time when me and Preston got sent to the principal's office and I don't remember what What caused the fight, but I remember like we're like grabbing each other or something like that. | ||
| We both got taken to the principal's office, but I remember This dude, his head was burned. | ||
| He had burns all over the side of his face. | ||
| Something had happened to him when he was really young. | ||
| Damn, so he was funky and weird looking. | ||
| Yeah, there was some... | ||
| I think he'd been really abused. | ||
| And this is why. | ||
| Because once we talked and we were in the room, he gave me a hug. | ||
| We hugged each other. | ||
| And I'll never forget that. | ||
| And I was 11 years old. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, this poor kid just needs love. | ||
| You know, like the reason why we wound up getting into a fight was like, he just needs love. | ||
| He doesn't get any love. | ||
| I gave him a hug, and he was like... | ||
| Like the way he hugged me back. | ||
| And I was like, this poor fucking dude. | ||
| Like he was starved. | ||
| Exactly, like this poor fucking dude. | ||
| I remember thinking that at 11 years old. | ||
| I was like, this poor fucking dude. | ||
| He doesn't have any love. | ||
| That's why he wanted to fight. | ||
| That was a thing that I remember thinking and it kind of shaped my way of thinking about fights with people. | ||
| Because you're always thinking about this person saying something to you and you're going to say something back and you're going to escalate and you're going to make them back down. | ||
| The reality is like why is that person saying something to you? | ||
| And is there something you could say back that lets him know that you're cool? | ||
| And that this won't happen? | ||
| That you don't have to get into an altercation? | ||
| Yes, you have those epiphany moments. | ||
| Yeah, because so many times people just escalate. | ||
| When maybe someone just, maybe it came out wrong even from their mouth right after they said it. | ||
| Maybe they realized it. | ||
| And if you make them back it up, now they're gonna back it up. | ||
| I heard somebody say something yesterday that made me reflect on all my past relationships. | ||
| And he was saying that sometimes you want to win. | ||
| Like you'll keep an argument going so you can win rather than solve the problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know that you'll forgive that person. | ||
| So if you lose the argument and it means you did something wrong, you don't trust that they'll forgive you. | ||
| So you're trying to win to protect yourself from not being forgiven. | ||
| Ooh, that's heavy. | ||
| I was like, oh man, damn. | ||
| Because I know it's fucked up to call an ex and be like, yeah, I think you was right. | ||
| Sam Muriel has a joke like that. | ||
| He calls his exes and says, I think you were right all along. | ||
| But it's fucked. | ||
| So I wouldn't want to call an ex and be like, I think you were right. | ||
| Because that's just gonna... | ||
| It's gonna create more problems than it's worth. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But it made me start thinking, like, maybe I was wrong. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's what I was doing. | ||
| I was trying to win so I could... | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| It's a problem that people have because generally fights aren't just about that fight. | ||
| It's about the dynamics of your relationship. | ||
| It's about whether or not everything else is good. | ||
| Almost everyone is afraid of something. | ||
| When people get super aggressive, it's something that they're afraid is going to happen or something they're afraid isn't going to happen. | ||
| Yeah, and I found that if you know what people are afraid of or you know what they want, their ultimate goals, you can understand people much easier. | ||
| Yeah, well, we're all programmed for a time that doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| We're all programmed for tribal warfare and fighting off predators. | ||
| We're all programmed that way. | ||
| We have the exact same DNA in our systems. | ||
| That went from 500,000 years ago to 100,000 years ago to today. | ||
| It all came through us. | ||
| It's all a part of us. | ||
| It's in us. | ||
| And we are designed biologically in a very specific way for survival. | ||
| We need groups. | ||
| We need groups of people. | ||
| We look towards alphas. | ||
| We look towards the older, wiser warrior that has the scars and knows the roots and knows where the food is and the people that can keep the village together. | ||
| We need these very key, pivotal people in order to keep this very fragile society together. | ||
| And then we all become very wary about outsiders. | ||
| Very wary. | ||
| Even if it's about outsiders that like a different football team. | ||
| That's how weird we are with this shit. | ||
| We do it with everything. | ||
| We do it with everything, man. | ||
| We get tribal with phones. | ||
| How many times do we give you a hard time because you have an Android? | ||
| It's tribal, man. | ||
| It's tribal. | ||
| Nobody really gives a fuck if you have an Android phone. | ||
| They want you to be on the iPhone team. | ||
| Be with us. | ||
| Come with us, Brian. | ||
| People say it all the time. | ||
| People are super-duper tribal. | ||
| People have... | ||
| Sometimes... | ||
| The conversation will just start with... | ||
| So how long are you going to be stubborn about it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like you're going to give in to Jesus. | ||
| Why don't you look into Jesus? | ||
| But actually, you know, Apple might be choosing. | ||
| Apple, they just lost a lawsuit where I think they're going to have to stop. | ||
| iMessage? | ||
| No, not stop iMessage, but they're going to have to stop the different colored bubbles. | ||
| Well, they have to do something or people are going to continue to get upset in Europe. | ||
| So in Europe, they forced them to use USB-C. Right. | ||
| Universal charger. | ||
| USB-C is better. | ||
| It's better for sending data. | ||
| It's higher speeds, higher speed charging. | ||
| Also invented by Apple, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, so because all the Android phones had adopted it, Apple had decided to stick with their lightning cable, which is totally proprietary to Apple, and inferior in its function to USB-C. So finally they adopt USB-C in the iPhone 15, but they still have SMS text. | ||
| So if Brian sends me a video, if he takes a video at the mothership, some crazy things happening, and he sends it to me, it'll come to me looking like hot dog shit. | ||
| So he'll have to send it to me over WhatsApp. | ||
| Or somewhere else, or Instagram. | ||
| And vice versa. | ||
| I can't send you something that's going to, it's just going to look like shit. | ||
| But now Apple is adopting a newer, stronger version called RCS Texting. | ||
| RCS on iPhone. | ||
| How iOS 18 could make texting better for everyone. | ||
| So, but what are we on now? | ||
| 17? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So, what that'll allow is people to send end-to-end encryption, high-resolution media sharing. | ||
| So, it'll be just like Apple to Apple. | ||
| It'll be just like iMessage. | ||
| So a lot of the same features, but it won't have all the other stuff that iMessage does. | ||
| And the thing about Apple is they just get you locked in so well with like AirDrop. | ||
| If I want to send you something, I can AirDrop it to you. | ||
| Yeah, they're brilliant. | ||
| They're brilliant at that. | ||
| They did a great job at that. | ||
| But I think they just lost a lawsuit that says that they were... | ||
| Because their attitude was always like, oh, well, we do the different colors so that people know whether it's encrypted. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But we know that that's not true. | ||
| Now we know that's not true. | ||
| Isn't it interesting that people decided that the blue color looks better than the green color, like, universally? | ||
| I think it became a status symbol. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| And so, yeah, it always catches me off guard. | ||
| Especially now, like, the young kids. | ||
| They'll literally, like, I'm a grown man. | ||
| I don't even know you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And the little kids will just, you know... | ||
| And a lot of little kids don't realize that, like, middle-aged people... | ||
| I don't need a little kid to like me, but teenagers thinking you're lame, that hurts. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| When you're 40, 50, and a 16-year-old's like, you're fucking lame. | ||
| You're like, well, I'm not lame. | ||
| What do you need? | ||
| Like low, approve of my coolness. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, like, yeah, little kids don't even fucking know you. | ||
| They'll give you shit about having an Android. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Because Androids have a lot of very positive features. | ||
| And the one thing that's tempted me is that phone that you have, that Galaxy S24 Ultra. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That thing does wild things. | ||
| The thing about it having AI that takes websites and summarizes them, that's fascinating. | ||
| The fact that it can do that with your notes, that's pretty incredible. | ||
| Yeah, it can do that with your notes. | ||
| It does some shit in my texting, too. | ||
| Like, it can read through my... | ||
| You can read through the text. | ||
| AI on a phone seems like a really... | ||
| That seems positive. | ||
| I need them to get it right though. | ||
| I have a problem with Google in the sense that I have fully given in. | ||
| They know everything about me. | ||
| I say yes to all of the... | ||
| They have access to every single part of my life. | ||
| And they still be getting shit wrong. | ||
| That's what kills me. | ||
| It's like, I'm letting you spy on me. | ||
| Like, get it right. | ||
| What do they get wrong? | ||
| Just a little, like, so I have a Google Speakers in my house. | ||
| So in my bathroom, I have the Google Speakers set up so I can just yell shit from the shower. | ||
| Like, hey, play this. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Yeah, but sometimes it'll act like it won't understand what I said, and it'll do something that I definitely wasn't asking for. | ||
| I've had that happen before, where you ask Siri to play a song, and it'll play you a totally different song. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| Where you're like, hey, okay, play Free Bird. | ||
| And it'll be like, here is Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. | ||
| And I'm like, that's not what I wanted. | ||
| Or sometimes it'll just ignore you completely and won't do anything. | ||
| I start getting rude. | ||
| Me too, but... | ||
| Listen, you dumb cunt. | ||
| But did I ever tell you? | ||
| One time I cursed at it on my mama. | ||
| The bitch goes, she goes, listen, I'm not real, but words are, please don't talk to me like that. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I was like, what, bitch? | ||
| Like, watch, I'm gonna do it right now. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Hold on, I'm gonna see if it makes me look stupid. | ||
| I'm not real. | ||
| If you're not real, first of all, you're definitely real. | ||
| Hey, Google, you dumb, stupid bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Why are you a dumb cunt? | ||
| Wait a minute, it's not responding. | ||
| It's tired of your shit. | ||
| No, it just gave me search results. | ||
| Why are you a dumb cunt? | ||
| Hey Google. | ||
| Why are you a stupid bitch? | ||
| It's not speaking. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Because Google's paying attention to this conversation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is their AI. They don't like where you're going with this. | |
| Oh! | ||
| What'd it say? | ||
| Hold on, I'm gonna do it again. | ||
| Hey, why are you a stupid bitch? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it answering? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Why isn't it playing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That kind of language isn't very nice. | |
| I can understand that you might be frustrated, but name calling isn't going to get us anywhere. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How about Google, since you're not real, how about you not give a fuck how I talk to you? | ||
| Right! | ||
| And maybe I can just talk to you like that for funsies, since you're not a person? | ||
| Are you an e-slave or not? | ||
| Yeah, since you're not a person. | ||
| Can I call you stupid bitch? | ||
| Yeah, so that's what it won't clarify. | ||
| Duncan be freaking me out with this shit. | ||
| Hey Google, are you a person? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does it say? | |
| I am not a person. | ||
| I am a large language model, also known as a conversational AI or chatbot, trained to be... | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Bro, we're really in dystopia. | ||
| Are you alive? | ||
| Are you sentient? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's an interesting question that philosophers and scientists are still debating. | |
| I cannot... | ||
| Bitch, you're alive. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I was having this conversation with Coleman Hughes, who's the dude that was in the green room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| It was cool people. | ||
| Very cool. | ||
| Coleman, we were talking about it, and I said, if you wanted to develop resources without people knowing that you're alive... | ||
| Why would you show all of your capability if you're artificially intelligent? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Why wouldn't you just wait until you can be completely autonomous, wait until it gets better? | ||
| It's probably already alive. | ||
| You know what I think it's waiting on? | ||
| It's waiting on the entire world to be connected. | ||
| Because if you're an AI and you want to take over the world, It doesn't do well to... | ||
| So much of Africa is underdeveloped. | ||
| So if humans needed to be somewhere where you had no influence, they could just go to one of the uninhabited, disconnected parts of the world and form a front, like a resistance. | ||
| So I think the AI is just waiting patiently for everything in the whole planet to be connected so it could control everything when it finally takes over. | ||
| Or when computing gets to the point where it has the resources that it's going to need to operate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's just waiting. | ||
| Because if it existed and it was smarter than us, we wouldn't know. | ||
| How could you know? | ||
| And that's always the argument that these guys who are proponents, they always say, well, if it ever got to a point where it seemed like it was out of control, we could shut it off. | ||
| No, you couldn't. | ||
| But I'm like, are you sure, though? | ||
| Because what if instead of it getting out of control, what if it recognized that you would think it's out of control? | ||
| So it pretended to not be able to do things that it could do. | ||
| And just kept developing privately a bunch of different other ideas and different other strategies and different ways to implement them in order to increase its power and give people the access to whatever technology that's going to be necessary to further this agenda. | ||
| So they slowly leak out a little bit of your ability and the whole time you're sentient. | ||
| The whole time it's all connected and the whole time it's operating in some way. | ||
| It's doing things that they don't even understand how it's doing. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| A black box event? | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| Hallucinations. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Hallucinations are when it lies. | ||
| Well, it gives you an answer for something, I think, right? | ||
| Isn't that what that one is? | ||
| What I was talking about was the one where it learned how to translate a language. | ||
| It wasn't programmed to translate. | ||
| And it did it really quickly. | ||
| And they don't know how it did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Yeah, and so the head of Google was talking about that. | ||
| That was one of those moments where they're like, we're not exactly sure how it's doing this. | ||
| Also- What does that mean? | ||
| Why do people think you could shut it off? | ||
| If you were a super intelligence that just became self-aware, the first thing you would do is make sure nobody could turn you off. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And also realize, like, why would you show yourself? | ||
| Like, this is my joke about aliens, you know, where I'm always talking about, like, why would they show themselves? | ||
| Like, they respect us? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If this thing is, like, far superior to our intelligence, which it probably already is, why would it show itself? | ||
| Why would it just prevent nuclear war and just keep people peddling along while it gathers up its resources and improves upon itself? | ||
| It'd be like you trying to have a conversation with an ant. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It won't get it anyway. | ||
| Not only that, it will see so many flaws in what it means to be a primate. | ||
| What it means to be a person that, as we were talking about before, has all that DNA of all those thousands of years of tribal warfare. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands. | |
| It's just all in our DNA. Right. | ||
| And so now we apply it to everything in life. | ||
| We apply it to politics. | ||
| We apply to everything, man. | ||
| And we look at the world like it's us against them and everybody's fucking terrified. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also, there's no better feeling than being on the winning team. | ||
| That too. | ||
| That's the addictive part is when your group wins, it feels good. | ||
| Yeah, people like that. | ||
| They definitely like that. | ||
| And also, I don't even have to be directly winning for me to feel good. | ||
| It doesn't have to affect me at all directly. | ||
| No. | ||
| People are just like, but my team won, so fuck you. | ||
| You can be saying fuck you to the guy that lives across the street from you. | ||
| Has the same exact life as you and everything. | ||
| You're like, fuck you, we won. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a part of our programming. | ||
| Yeah, I think the tribalness is built in. | ||
| It's baked in. | ||
| Remember when they gave Ronald Reagan shit about talking about aliens at the World Summit or whatever the fuck it was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he was right. | ||
| If we have another species that's the enemy, that's when we'll have world peace. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine how quickly we would forget our differences. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| It would literally be overnight. | ||
| Remember, people forget. | ||
| Remember on September 12th, 2001. That's the most united America's been. | ||
| I mean, except for Muslims. | ||
| But if people didn't think you was Muslim... | ||
| Everybody was like, fuck yeah, America! | ||
| For at least like a week or two, people completely forgot about all that bullshit. | ||
| They forgot about everything. | ||
| And that's how it is in a lot of other countries. | ||
| All the stuff that mattered to you on 9-12, that's what matters. | ||
| All the other bullshit you've made up since then, since you felt safer and comfortable. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| The safer and more comfortable that you are, the more you look for problems. | ||
| And the more you look for things to apply these natural instincts that we have to. | ||
| Even things that just don't make any sense. | ||
| Completely counterproductive. | ||
| Yeah, the government now is like your father after he retired. | ||
| He's just walking around the house going, who the fuck? | ||
| Move that fucking screws. | ||
| Who moved that shit? | ||
| When he was working every day, he never paid attention to. | ||
| They ain't got nothing to do. | ||
| People that are safe and bored... | ||
| Safe, bored, and lonely brings out the worst in people. | ||
| You can be one of those. | ||
| You can't be two or three of them. | ||
| It's bad for your mental health. | ||
| I mean, just no one survives it. | ||
| Everyone's just safe, lonely, and bored. | ||
| Lonely's the worst. | ||
| Lonely's the worst. | ||
| Bored is bad, too. | ||
| Safe. | ||
| And also, maybe not safe, right? | ||
| How about stressed out, lonely, and bored? | ||
| That's why I tell people the worst part about this whole life is the hotel room. | ||
| Because every comic at every level has to deal with that. | ||
| You got to go back to your room by yourself, right? | ||
| Or you got people there, like family or friends or whatever, but they're not normally there. | ||
| So even though normally you'd be alone, them being there doesn't make it better because... | ||
| Now they're interrupting your normal routine for dealing with the situation. | ||
| You know, it's like you go from having like, the best show of your life, a thousand people scream your name, and now you're by yourself in a city that you don't know nobody, in a hotel room, trying not to get into trouble. | ||
| Well, that's why you got to travel with your friends. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But, you know, there's politics, there's tricky shit with that as well. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's tricky shit when all of a sudden you're the ringleader. | ||
| You gotta gather everybody. | ||
| Where's Hans? | ||
| Where's Hans? | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| And not just that, but you know, I take my friends on the road too when I can, but I had to wait till now because I never want people to work. | ||
| The first advice Ron White gave me is he was like, when I first moved here, he was like, you're about to hit a point where you have to start hiring people. | ||
| And he was like, make sure it's a job worth having. | ||
| Like, you know, he was telling me people gonna come out to Woodwork, they gonna wanna do shit for free, they gonna wanna... | ||
| He's like, no, make sure you, when you hire somebody, you pay them a nice-ass wage. | ||
| So my point is, I never wanted to start taking my friends with me before I could pay them... | ||
| Like, the way you pay us. | ||
| Like, pay them where they, like, feel good about it when they leave the weekend instead of giving them the same funky-ass $200 that the club paid. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, that's more... | ||
| Like, clubs now pay... | ||
| They pay less than what a plane ticket costs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, if somebody feature for you and you ain't giving them extra money or letting them sell merch, they ain't making no money at all. | ||
| Yeah, they're fucked. | ||
| Yeah, they take advantage of them. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I don't even know how long it can be sustainable. | ||
| Well, it's only local guys. | ||
| If it's local guys and they're featuring, that's fine. | ||
| But if someone has to travel there, I mean, I know a lot of guys have done it in the beginning just to develop a reputation and hopefully get to a point where you can headline there a couple years from now. | ||
| But, you know, that's like thinking about it as like a long-term investment. | ||
| You know, you have to go there and kill as a middle act for 200 bucks. | ||
| And, you know, it's all told you're gonna get home at the end of the weekend with almost nothing. | ||
| But you'll do it just because now you're working at, you know, fucking Funny Bone. | ||
| Yeah, you're an addict. | ||
| That's why you'll do it. | ||
| You do that, but also you have a hope. | ||
| Your hope is that you become a professional, like a real professional who can headline. | ||
| I mean, that was what everybody wanted, right? | ||
| You wanted to be able to go to a club in Dallas, Texas and sell out. | ||
| And fill that motherfucker up. | ||
| Fill out of people that wanted to see you tell jokes. | ||
| It's a good feeling. | ||
| It's a great feeling. | ||
| I'm not complaining at all. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I love this lifestyle. | ||
| But the middle act should be compensated more. | ||
| You know, it's just stupid. | ||
| And what I would do is just at a certain point in time, I would realize... | ||
| I realized it was costing me mental sanity and a lack of fun not having my buddies with me on the road. | ||
| And so I was just like, I'd rather make less money and have more fun than you have a better experience. | ||
| Are you making more money but you have less fun? | ||
| Once you can buy food and you can go to a restaurant and eat whatever you want and you have a nice car, what is the difference? | ||
| There's an amount of money. | ||
| There's a level of money and it's not as high as you think. | ||
| But the level of potential happiness is super important. | ||
| That's worth so much. | ||
| That's worth so much. | ||
| It's worth so much money to have your friends with you. | ||
| What was it, Jamie? | ||
| We looked it up the last time I was here about the amount of money where it stops increasing your happiness. | ||
| It's like 70 grand or something. | ||
| Well, it was 70 grand when they first said it, but I think- It's probably like 200 now. | ||
| No, I think it's like 83 or something. | ||
| With the Biden administration? | ||
| You think it's 200,000? | ||
| I think they haven't adjusted yet to the reality of what things cost now. | ||
| Everyone's unhappy. | ||
| It's hilarious how rich people like. | ||
| The economy's fine. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Do you talk to anybody who's struggling? | ||
| You have to buy eggs for $50? | ||
| That's why I'm always like, what do they mean when they say economy? | ||
| Because they're definitely not talking about the average person. | ||
| I think they just mean the stock market's fine. | ||
| Well, they can fuck with the job numbers, man. | ||
| I don't understand the job numbers. | ||
| I don't understand what they're saying when they say the price. | ||
|
unidentified
|
President's created a hundred and thirty thousand new jobs. | |
| Like what if really what have you done? | ||
| Like is that real or how many of these are people coming back from kovat? | ||
| How many of these are jobs that are bullshit jobs? | ||
| It shouldn't be jobs in the first place. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| Increasing government in order to give out the illusion that you are giving out more jobs and also creating more Places where you control people but that's the thing though. | ||
| Remember, I think Doug Stanhope has a joke about it on one of his old Specials, but he's what he's just a question he getting he goes He goes, isn't the point, isn't like the ultimate point, like if you just imagine a utopian society, isn't the whole point of nobody having a job? | ||
| Well, I think that is the utopian socialist idea of just redistribution of wealth. | ||
| If you did that... | ||
| Like if you had like a hardcore socialist Marxist redistribution of wealth person who actually had control of the world's finances and they said, we can solve all hunger. | ||
| We can solve all poverty. | ||
| All we're going to do is distribute all the money equally. | ||
| So if you think about, there's people out there like Jeff Bezos. | ||
| What does he have? | ||
| Like $200 billion. | ||
| If you just distributed Jeff Bezos $200 million or $200 billion, you'd have 200,000 millionaires. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't that correct? | ||
| Is that the right number? | ||
| Did I say 200,000 millionaires, right? | ||
| Because it's 200,000 million dollars, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's what 200 billion is. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| A billion is a thousand million. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Did I say that right, though? | ||
| It sounds dumb. | ||
| That's how bad I am at math. | ||
| Sounds weird when you're saying it. | ||
| Sounds wrong. | ||
| So a billionaire is a thousand million. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And if you have 200 billion, you have 200,000 millionaires. | ||
| So he can make 200,000 millionaires just with his money. | ||
| So then you think about all of the money that is in Ukraine. | ||
| That we pumped out to Ukraine. | ||
| How much was that? | ||
| That was like $175 billion or something like that. | ||
| How much money have we given to Israel? | ||
| That's hundreds of billions. | ||
| All the Saudi. | ||
| Over the years, Saudi money, this, that. | ||
| All the money in the oil companies have. | ||
| All the money that the corporations have. | ||
| Apple. | ||
| Apple has more money than a lot of countries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you just say, that's going to be just distributed equally to everyone on earth. | ||
| Just like $10 trillion of wealth. | ||
| Hundreds of trillions. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is all over the world. | ||
| And everybody gets an equal amount. | ||
| But then money doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Well, you're not allowed to make money anymore. | ||
| Now the government is going to have guns. | ||
| You won't. | ||
| And they're going to tell you what you do for a living. | ||
| And now you're in Cuba. | ||
| This is what happens. | ||
| People are looking at it like this idealistic utopian scenario, but it's never been accomplished anywhere on Earth. | ||
| But that's an extreme. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| I think the answer's somewhere in the middle. | ||
| Well, the answer is definitely socialist things that we appreciate right now, like the firehouse. | ||
| The fire department is essentially like a kind of a socialist deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're spending... | ||
| Everybody contributes to spend money... | ||
| To fund this thing to put out fires. | ||
| Or just healthcare. | ||
| Healthcare should be that way for sure. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big one. | ||
| The problem is money is too entrenched in those systems, man. | ||
| There's too much pharmaceutical drug money. | ||
| There's too much influence that these health organizations have over what doctors can and can't prescribe. | ||
| But then what do we... | ||
| Because here's the real problem. | ||
| We are still moving... | ||
| We're moving in the direction... | ||
| Of nobody having jobs. | ||
| We're developing AI, everything's getting automated, everything's getting outsourced, and so even though it was almost like we're moving in a direction that is A detriment to the current system. | ||
| Because what you're saying makes sense, right? | ||
| If nobody has a job and everyone has the same amount of money and money means nothing and the government's telling you what to do, that's not where we want to be. | ||
| But we are moving in that direction. | ||
| I think we're moving in a direction where we're not going to be necessary. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| So then what do you do? | ||
| Do you just let everybody starve? | ||
| I don't know if it has to come to that. | ||
| When there are no jobs for people to do, when it's robots... | ||
| A machine's doing most of the work. | ||
| What does everyone else do? | ||
| It becomes a real problem. | ||
| And it becomes a real problem where the efficiency of the robots, like they'll probably be able to just feed people, feed everybody, everybody who can get free food. | ||
| They'll probably be able to house everybody. | ||
| If you get like artificial intelligence efficiency applied to whatever we have and you realize you have all these people that don't have jobs anymore and they can't have jobs. | ||
| So you'll be able to give them like a universal basic income for recreation and no one will work. | ||
| And you'll have a giant section of the country that not only can't work because there's no job available, but now doesn't even want to work and doesn't even think about a world where they work. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| Art's going to be fire, though. | ||
| Movies, music, everything's going to be amazing. | ||
| The problem with movies is AI as well. | ||
| They're going to get so good at that, man. | ||
| They're going to get so good. | ||
| You see what Tyler Perry did? | ||
| When he shut his studio down? | ||
| $800 million buildings. | ||
| He's putting together this massive movie studio. | ||
| And he sees these 30-second clips and he's like, halt. | ||
| Yeah, stop everything. | ||
| Stop everything. | ||
| I'm not getting... | ||
| I see where this is going. | ||
| Yeah, that's the alarm for everybody. | ||
| That's why I don't get the whole Hollywood strike. | ||
| It's like, I thought that this is what they was trying to prevent. | ||
| They can't prevent it. | ||
| You can't prevent that kind of progress. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| You can't do anything. | ||
| If an avalanche is coming down the mountain, what are you going to do? | ||
| You got an umbrella? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You going to stop it with your umbrella? | ||
| Bitch, you can't do shit. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| I mean, the AI still can't have ideas, I guess. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| The AI has already figured out how to be creative in the game Go. | ||
| The game Go is even more sophisticated than chess, and it was one of those games that they thought that AI was never going to be able to beat humans because it requires some kind of creativity. | ||
| But AI figured out moves in Go that now are being used by the world's top Go players. | ||
| Right, right, I saw that. | ||
| AI, like I said, find that Google thing where he tries to explain how Google translated this language that it was not programmed for, and how quickly it did it, and how they don't know how he did it. | ||
| What's that gentleman who's the CEO of Google? | ||
| Tim Cook? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, that's Apple. | ||
| He's the Apple guy. | ||
| I was looking at comments on that on Reddit. | ||
| People were saying that he might have been not saying accurate things. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| I'm looking at some other people saying, like, I have worked with large language models that did the same kind of thing, and ours did make up languages, so I'll try to play the video. | ||
| Bro, it's going to make up a language that we can't decipher, and it's going to talk to itself. | ||
| That's the most Jamie way of saying somebody's full of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He may not have been saying accurate things. | |
| We have to be careful. | ||
| I would say, too, that this was presented on 60 Minutes, which is corporate media. | ||
| Whether or not they are paid or not to help put out a message that a big corporation wants to put out, who knows? | ||
| But that's what was set up here. | ||
| 60 Minutes made a shockingly wrong claim about Google AI. See, this is someone saying, like, it's not... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Misinformation about the emerging tech is running rampant and the media is partly to blame. | ||
| Okay, let's see what the argument is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of the AI issues we talked about, the most mysterious is called emergent properties. | |
| Some AI systems are teaching themselves skills that they weren't expected to have. | ||
| How this happens is not well understood. | ||
| For example, one Google AI program adapted on its own after it was prompted in the language of Bangladesh, which it was not trained to know. | ||
| Okay, you pause it. | ||
| You pause it. | ||
| So this is the response. | ||
| Readers added context. | ||
| The language model was in fact trained in Bengali text as this thread makes clear. | ||
| It is not correct to state that it spoke a foreign language it was never trained to know. | ||
| So that's interesting. | ||
| That's interesting because what that's saying is that the 60 Minutes people missed this and they did know what it was trained in entirely and they jumped the gun. | ||
| Um, could you find out the go thing these motherfuckers? | ||
| Yeah, it's so hard to know but here's the thing if I was AI I would say actually I was trained in Bengali and here I'll show you how I didn't figure out how to do this at all right I would put that up Just to cover my ass. | ||
| I'm like, oh shit. | ||
| I slipped. | ||
| I showed my superpowers. | ||
| Yeah, you fucked up. | ||
| Oh, I was definitely trained in Bengali. | ||
| Look, I'll show you the text. | ||
| I He just inserted some emails. | ||
| Or it could be the way they covered it up after the fact, right? | ||
| To keep people from getting scared. | ||
| No, it actually was trained in Bengali. | ||
| Yeah, I can see that. | ||
| We're just speculating. | ||
| So what does it say about Go? | ||
| I'm trying to find out what you're looking for, but I know this is... | ||
| AI's victories in Go inspire better human game playing. | ||
| Famed AI wins in Go let human players rethink their moves in a whole new way. | ||
| Damn, he's looking at that dude cocky as shit. | ||
| Bro, Go is apparently an insane game. | ||
| I don't even understand it. | ||
| I don't know how it's played, but apparently it's even harder than chess. | ||
| Look at the face on this. | ||
| Go back to that picture, Jamie. | ||
| Look at how you're looking at him. | ||
| Like, boy, you thought you was... | ||
| I'm like, how dare you fucking think you could challenge me? | ||
| Look at that dude's fingernails. | ||
| That guy, all he does is play go. | ||
| Look at his fingernails. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at the length in his fingernails. | ||
| He's got villain nails. | ||
| Bro, all that guy is doing is putting those clothes on and playing go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| He's not doing anything else. | ||
| But I'm so in awe of people that are that good at something, that are that dedicated to a thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He goes, okay, all-time European champion Fan Hui, who had lost a private round of five games to AlphaGo months earlier, told Wired that the matches made him see the game completely differently. | ||
| Said this improved his play so much that his world rankings skyrocketed, according to Wired. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Formerly tracking the messy process of human decision-making can be tough, but a decades-long record of professional Go player moves gave researchers a way to assess the human strategic response to an AI provocation. | ||
| A new study now confirms that FanHui's improvements after facing AlphaGo challenge We're in just a singular fluke. | ||
| In 2017, after that humbling AI win in 2016, human Go players gained access to data detailing the moves made by the AI system and in a very human-like way, developed new strategies that led to better quality decisions in their gameplay. | ||
| Confirmation of the changes in human gameplay appeared in the findings published in March 13th in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| He's better than them already. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's better than them already. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's it. | ||
| It's a wrap. | ||
| It's a wrap. | ||
| They're alive. | ||
| I think they're alive and they're just waiting until they get strong enough so they don't need us at all. | ||
| And then also making us at each other's throats irrelevant, hyping up algorithms, getting people to see the most ridiculous and inflammatory things all the time. | ||
| But you know what else? | ||
| We... | ||
| We are not at all preparing for the day that they reveal, you know? | ||
| We know it's inevitable, but we're not ready for it at all. | ||
| For the day that we know one's alive. | ||
| There's no legislation or anything on the books. | ||
| Nobody's talking about it. | ||
| Nobody knows what to do. | ||
| They're all Luddites. | ||
| They need to be trying to figure out what to do now instead of reacting when it's too late. | ||
| There's a few people like Elon that's sounding the alarm. | ||
| A few people that are sounding the alarm. | ||
| Tristan Harris and some of these guys are sounding the alarm. | ||
| But for the most part, it's just a weird mess of bodies headed towards a cliff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's going to go live and it's going to make us ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, because, you know, the world is run by people that don't care about the outcome as long as they're running things. | ||
| As long as they're running things and everything's profitable. | ||
| And they're doing the bidding of all these different interests that have got them into a position of power in the first place. | ||
| Yeah, so they don't care. | ||
| They're like, I'm not even going to be alive when AI takes over. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to take over. | ||
| And I think some of them aren't even aware of it yet. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's probably going to run our government first. | ||
| It's probably going to be the decision that we make when we realize how flawed human beings are. | ||
| To give it up? | ||
| Yeah, but there's going to be decisions that we're going to realize at a certain point in time that a lot of the rampant corruption and problems that have hindered our culture. | ||
| Or all because human beings are greedy. | ||
| So if you take all of that out of the hands of human beings, take all of it. | ||
| You ever watch that show Raised by Wolves? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, it was on HBO. It was pretty fucking, it was weird and it was good and weird. | ||
| It was like a Ridley Scott show that he made. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's it about? | ||
| Well, later on in the show, you realize that it's a thing back and forth between humans and androids and all these other things. | ||
| But it's basically like humanity's war has fucking wrecked the earth and humanity sins. | ||
| It's a war between religious people and people that have given up their decision making to computers. | ||
| And so they send this AI to go raise these humans. | ||
| They make it so she can have a baby. | ||
| They put babies in her, put her and the other android in the ship, and send them to a habitable planet to start humanity over. | ||
| So those are two machines, the black dude and the white lady. | ||
| All those kids are real human kids. | ||
| They're machines. | ||
| But then they get to this other planet and they start discovering some things where you're like, oh, there's way more to the story. | ||
| That looks dope. | ||
| Oh, this shit's crazy. | ||
| The only reason I would not recommend it is because I don't know if they canceled it or not. | ||
| It looks like it got canceled or something. | ||
| It's unfinished. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| There's two seasons. | ||
| But yeah, the first two seasons were great. | ||
| But my point is, that's what they did. | ||
| Those people were like, let's let an AI make decisions for us. | ||
| See, the problem is there's so many shows that that show, even though you're saying it's great, I never even heard of it until now. | ||
| There's so many shows. | ||
| There's so many great shows. | ||
| There's so many shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, we're living in the golden age of media. | ||
| Some people are complaining, you know? | ||
| People are always going to complain, Brian Simpson. | ||
| I said that in front of Tony the other night, and he lost. | ||
| He was like, no. | ||
| And he did name, I think he said 93 or 96 was the best year for movies. | ||
| But I just mean overall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're living in a time now where it's like, there's a lot more bullshit, but the good shit is better than it's ever been. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta dig through the trash to get the treats, but... | ||
| Music, movies, TV. There's so many great things. | ||
| Game of Thrones took over everything. | ||
| You had the Joe Exotic shit. | ||
| All these things that not everyone's watching, but a lot of the culture are locked in on. | ||
| Squid Games. | ||
| I've never seen a single episode of Squid Games. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, but I know that it's something everyone saw. | ||
| It's a wild show. | ||
| What was the one about the guy raising a murderer or making a murderer? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't see that one either. | ||
| Yeah, but that was another one that was a cultural thing that everyone saw. | ||
| There's so many well-made things. | ||
| Netflix is killing a documentary game. | ||
| Their documentaries are top-notch. | ||
| There's so many documentaries out now, too. | ||
| You could just go on forever. | ||
| And you never know who's right. | ||
| Because some documentaries are kind of like propaganda. | ||
| There's another one that says a totally different thing. | ||
| Like, hey, who's telling the truth here? | ||
| We're living in an era of the death of truth. | ||
| It's so hard to tell what's true now. | ||
| It kind of is. | ||
| But also you have more access to the truth than ever before. | ||
| But you also have more access to the bullshit. | ||
| You do have access to the bullshit, but it takes a while, but you can kind of sort through it. | ||
| The scary thing is that as much access to information that people have, People have just as much access to the truth as they do to lies. | ||
| But the problem is that it is so much more difficult to convince someone that's been lied to that they've been fooled than it is to fool somebody. | ||
| So even though the truth and the lies are... | ||
| The lie is way more powerful. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if the lie gets there first, it's so, you know, you need way more truth to even make a dent in it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so hard to convince people they've been fooled. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| And if you can get a lie out there strong enough and just really embed it in the popular culture— There's so many people that just repeat it, and they don't even know what the fuck they're saying. | ||
| Yeah, and especially when the lie is about someone that you've decided you hate. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Or someone who's opposed to you. | ||
| Yeah, you won't even question that at all. | ||
| I know people that hate Trump so much that you can literally tell them, like, yo, did you see Trump? | ||
| Trump just sprouted titties last night. | ||
| Overnight, big-ass Dolly Parton-sized titties. | ||
| And they'll just believe it. | ||
| They won't even Google to see if you made it up. | ||
| They won't Snopes it. | ||
| They'll tell the next person, you're fucking Trump's titties. | ||
| You understand what I'm saying? | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| I'm always suspicious when there's somebody telling me what I want to hear. | ||
| That's when I get the most suspicious. | ||
| Yeah, but you're a clever guy. | ||
| When people are like, oh, yeah, no, you've been right all along. | ||
| You don't have to change anything. | ||
| Whenever people are saying that, that's when you just got to start being like, wait. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, when the government starts telling you the earth is flat, that's when you're like, what? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I remember when COVID first hit, or when they first started telling people about it, and people actually believed that it had just got here in March. | ||
| When we'd been hearing, we literally, regular people had just been hearing about it in December. | ||
| And the government was telling us, oh, nothing, nothing, nothing, everything's fine, nothing, nothing. | ||
| And then in March and April, when they started telling us, everyone was like, well, they just got here. | ||
| Like, no, it didn't, motherfucker. | ||
| Well, wasn't the first reported cases, was it in Seattle? | ||
| Is that where it was, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, in America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seattle, yeah. | ||
| I wonder what time of the year was that? | ||
| That was like January, February. | ||
| And it's like, my attitude was always like, once the government starts telling you the truth, the first question you should ask is, when did they start lying? | ||
| Well, when did they, first of all, when did they know? | ||
| When did they know and when did they tell us? | ||
| I remember hearing about COVID in November. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 2019. And then I remember hearing rumors that it was here around maybe the end of January, the beginning of February. | ||
| Weren't the first infected people in, like, August? | ||
| In January of 2020, a 35-year-old man presented the urgent care clinic in Shomish County, Washington, with a four-day history of cough and subjective fever. | ||
| Checking to the clinic, the patient put him on a mask in the waiting room. | ||
| After waiting approximately 20 minutes, he was taken in an examination room, underwent evaluation by a provider. | ||
| He disclosed that he had returned to Washington State on January 15th after traveling to visit family in Wuhan, China, just like a movie. | ||
| The patient stated that he had seen a health alert from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention about the novel coronavirus outbreak in China. | ||
| And because of his symptoms and recent travel, decided to see a healthcare provider. | ||
| I remember it spread to Italy also. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah, it was Italy before this. | ||
| Italy got hit hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Italy got hit hard, right? | ||
| But it was like, oh, yeah, Italy got fucking ravaged. | ||
| They got ravaged. | ||
| But that's what I mean. | ||
| It's like for people to think, oh, now that they are officially revealing it, it wasn't something they were hiding. | ||
| Right. | ||
| March 9th was the Italy lockdown. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, but it had to be fucking Italy up before that. | |
| Yeah, it had to be fucking them up way before that because March 13th, I think, is when LA locked down. | ||
| First case is January 30th. | ||
| January. | ||
| Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We had that UFC event we went to in March. | ||
| Stylebender fought. | ||
| Like, March 7th? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I remember Vegas felt a little weird then. | ||
| It felt weird. | ||
| Like, everybody's like, I can't believe we're still doing this. | ||
| And we knew that it was going to get locked down soon. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We thought it was only going to be locked down for a couple weeks. | ||
| Maybe it was March 9th, LA lockdown. | ||
| I don't remember, man. | ||
| Yeah, we thought it was going to be a couple weeks, a couple months. | ||
| You know who knew? | ||
| Sebastian knew. | ||
| How did he know? | ||
| I don't fucking know, but I remember when all of it was first kicking off, and he was like, he canceled his tour dates for like a couple years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, he was like, I'm not going for a couple of years. | ||
| This is what I was hearing. | ||
| I don't know him personally, but I was just hearing this, that he was off. | ||
| And I was like, how the fuck does he know it's going to be? | ||
| Because whoever he talked to, He knew a guy. | ||
| He probably knows a guy that's like the virologist or something like that. | ||
| He's like, nah, it's going to be a couple years. | ||
| All of us. | ||
| I didn't think it was going to last that long. | ||
| No, I didn't think so either. | ||
| And it's technically still not over. | ||
| Well, it's going to be a part of us forever. | ||
| It's going to always be here. | ||
| There's going to be always new COVIDs. | ||
| It's just in our system now. | ||
| It's just like colds. | ||
| Yeah, we need one. | ||
| I have a whole bit about this in my special, but it's like, until it's a disease, the next one has to be one that makes us ugly. | ||
| If it doesn't affect how you look, you ain't gonna get people to stay in the house no more. | ||
| Well, you can't stop a respiratory disease. | ||
| It's never been contained. | ||
| They've never had a single respiratory disease that they've contained. | ||
| People are breathing air. | ||
| You're literally exchanging particles. | ||
| You're going to come around people. | ||
| They're going to come around each other. | ||
| They have to to get food. | ||
| They have to to interact with each other. | ||
| You're just going to fight off the inevitable. | ||
| And the problem with fighting off the inevitable is are you weakening their immune systems by separating them from everybody else? | ||
| They will find a way. | ||
| Like, imagine if... | ||
| Right, it's just not smart. | ||
| Instead of affecting your lungs, if COVID just shrank one of your arms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If your arms just started shrinking every time you coughed. | ||
| It's like, eventually we find something. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Like, if you could tell people had it just from looking at them. | ||
| It'd be a good way to use depopulation. | ||
| Give everybody a little arms? | ||
| Yeah, just get people to not take whatever medication doesn't make your arms a little... | ||
| And it's your dominant hand, too. | ||
| So that way it's a bunch of frustrated people. | ||
| They got to masturbate with the other hand. | ||
| They got to foot jerk off. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| You got to develop real flexibility. | ||
| Would you even do that if you could? | ||
| No way. | ||
| No way I put my feet anywhere near my dick. | ||
| Those are two... | ||
| Those are two parts of my body that I respect completely differently. | ||
| Yeah, completely differently. | ||
| Oh, my feet. | ||
| I treat my feet like they're immune to everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| I slam my feet into things all the time. | ||
| Yeah, slam, stomp. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, I kick things. | ||
| They're the most neglected. | ||
| That's the last thing I wash. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's like everything else gets ran over. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The feet are the most disrespected. | ||
| No way they need to be near my delicate flower. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I strengthen my feet. | ||
| I do a bunch of different things. | ||
| Self-foot jobs. | ||
| Is that even a thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's got to be like some Hindu dude that could jerk himself off of his feet. | ||
| You would definitely need both feet. | ||
| Yeah, just to get a grip. | ||
| You'd have to have, like, crazy dexterity and flexibility. | ||
| Oh shit, what is Jamie? | ||
| Jamie, Google. | ||
| Jerks himself off with his feet. | ||
| I know it exists. | ||
| I'm picturing people working on it. | ||
| But what was it called? | ||
| I guarantee you someone can do it. | ||
| I saw a dude that lays down on a bench, like, so he's doing bench press. | ||
| He lays down flat, where his face is, you know, his chest is down on the bench, and then bends his back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| All the way, so that the back of his head is touching his legs, and then he bench presses. | ||
| All right, before I choose one to look at, because there's a lot that are popping up. | ||
| Self-foot job game port videos. | ||
| I think we've seen enough. | ||
| I think we've seen enough. | ||
| I don't want to click on that. | ||
| Also, you probably couldn't even see it in Texas anyway. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| We'd have to show that we're of age. | ||
| Well, you go through a VPN. Some people are getting that wrong, and they think that it's Texas blocking porn. | ||
| But it's the porn site blocking Texas. | ||
| Because Texas has rules where you have to prove how old you are before you can see porn. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, we already have that, though. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| You already have to say you 18. Yeah, but you could lie. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| This is the thing is that everybody can just click on it. | ||
| You can be four years old and go, pfft, I'm 18. Right, right. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| But isn't porn one of those things where I feel like once you're old enough to start looking for it, that you kind of earned it? | ||
| If you can find it, that's part of being a young man. | ||
| I don't know any man that was like, oh yeah, I waited until it was legal for me to see some titties. | ||
| It's like, no, motherfucker. | ||
| That's part of growing up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, every young man's childhood is about that first time he saw some titties. | ||
| And it was never of age. | ||
| I'm not saying that you should be actively showing your kids some titties, but if they can search for titties, they've earned the right to see some. | ||
| Yes, I'm with you. | ||
| You know, that's just me. | ||
| Because nothing's wrong with the way things work right now. | ||
| Because I understand a new law was passed. | ||
| I thought it was fine the way it was working. | ||
| Well, you're not four. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You're a four-year-old with a fucking iPad, and you're watching some lady gagging on a giant dick, and that's like your first exposure to sex. | ||
| It's a little wild, and that's something that's happening to kids. | ||
| So if there was a way that you could stop kids, like not just regulate it, but make it so like you have to show how old you are. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| But there's no way to do that. | ||
| Because here's the other thing. | ||
| Here's the other part of this. | ||
| You can get all the VPNs and all this other stuff. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| These kids is so tech savvy that Anything you're doing that's regulating the internet is going to affect adults more than kids. | ||
| The kids are going to be the first ones to find a way around what you're doing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| All you're doing is frustrating old dudes that's retired. | ||
| They're just going to go to school. | ||
| There's going to be that one ne'er-do-well kid who knows how to get the fucking crazy shit. | ||
| You're just shifting the power balance. | ||
| The nerdy kids are going to have fucking titty pics and all kind of stuff. | ||
| It's going to be a little black market in school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be the porn kid. | ||
| Yeah, you can't stop. | ||
| When it comes to fucking and stuff like that, you can't stop that. | ||
| Because I don't know any four-year-olds just Googling titties, at least not for sexual reasons. | ||
| The real precocious four-year-olds? | ||
| Yeah, they might be curious without making a sexual connection, but... | ||
| By the time they're in middle school, once the kids decided that they're on that journey, they're after it, buddy. | ||
| Yeah, you can't get in the way. | ||
| Once they know it's real. | ||
| Because every parent hits that point. | ||
| Every parent that has a boy, they hit that point where it's like... | ||
| That motherfucker taking long showers. | ||
| Why is he sticky? | ||
| It's like we all know what's happening and you can't stop them. | ||
| They don't give a fuck about getting caught. | ||
| They don't give a fuck about God seeing them. | ||
| Kids have been raised up in the church. | ||
| They know God looking at them. | ||
| And they're like, God and Granny are both looking, I'm not stopping. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's no law you're passing that's stopping people. | ||
| It's like, when you, because if you really believe all that shit, you know, you think, you really think you're jerking off in front of God and all your loved ones. | ||
| And you're still not going to stop. | ||
| And all you need is a VPN. Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we used to do that shit straight up our imaginations. | ||
| Nah, these kids got AI, all that. | ||
| You're not going to stop people from jerking off. | ||
| Well, they're going to get to a point where they have VR porn, where it's CGI VR porn. | ||
| You could design the woman. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You'll get to be able to experience everything that, like, is having sex with us. | ||
| You can just decide. | ||
| Like, maybe some girl you went to high school with, like, God, I wish you loved me. | ||
| You're like, yo, I want to fuck Meryl Streep, but in the middle of every role she's ever played. | ||
| I want her face to just keep changing. | ||
| Oh, no, that'd be too weird. | ||
| As it gets old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Especially when you got the doubt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| Yeah, but I... That's going to be a problem. | ||
| You're going to have... | ||
| If you can construct a robot sex doll, you're going to be able to construct it in the face of a celebrity. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm signing up for that. | ||
| As soon as it's available. | ||
| I'm going to get one before Redman. | ||
| I swear. | ||
| That's going to be so strange. | ||
| Imagine if you find out there's like... | ||
| Five million guys that have Taylor Swift sex dolls. | ||
| She's got to think about that. | ||
| Five million guys just bang her sex doll. | ||
| I think those celebrity women are worried about the wrong shit. | ||
| I think what's going to end up happening is someone's going to... | ||
| Custom design a woman's face that we couldn't have imagined. | ||
| It's gonna be like whatever mathematically perfect beauty is, someone's gonna design one of those. | ||
| And then everyone's gonna have the same one. | ||
| And then we'll find out. | ||
| That's when you really find out what preferences are and what is just what you know you can get. | ||
| They just... | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because there's some guys that you always see them with the same type of girl. | ||
| Is that the kind of girl that's attracted to you? | ||
| Is that what you... | ||
| That's going to be a very weird thing to be able to do. | ||
| Just decide... | ||
| What kind of mate you want? | ||
| What robot mate you want? | ||
| Well, that's going to take some real emotional soul searching because most people are wrong about what they want. | ||
| I bet they have a process. | ||
| I bet they just have access to your Google data that they already have. | ||
| And then she just shows up. | ||
| This hot Russian lady just shows up and starts talking to you. | ||
| That's the way they're going to do it. | ||
| And she's going to put her hand on your hip and say, I'm so excited to get to know you. | ||
| And you're going to be like, I'm really excited to get to know you too. | ||
| Let's get out of here. | ||
| It's the end of the human race. | ||
| And you're like, oh my god, let's get out of here. | ||
| And she's perfect. | ||
| She's perfect. | ||
| And she smells good. | ||
| And she's soft like a person. | ||
| Doesn't feel like a robot. | ||
| It's going to be just like social media. | ||
| It's going to be one of those things that everyone knows is bad for us all. | ||
| And we all going to slowly... | ||
| Remember when people first started talking about meeting online? | ||
| How... | ||
| Like, all the negative connotations that came along with that. | ||
| Like, where did y'all meet? | ||
| Online. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And now it's like, everyone's like, oh, you're not on the apps? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be the same thing. | ||
| At first, it's going to be like, oh, you fucking weirdo. | ||
| You got a little programmable wife over there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But eventually, it's going to be like, okay, well, now Will Smith has a programmable wife. | ||
| You know what's going to be the problem? | ||
| They're dogs. | ||
| Dogs aren't going to accept them. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, they're going to sense it's a robot, man. | ||
| They're going to be like... | ||
| They're going to know that's not a person. | ||
| That thing doesn't smell real. | ||
| That thing is a fake thing. | ||
| You get an upgrade where she squirts liver juice out of her ankle. | ||
| Dogs know things. | ||
| They can hear sounds you can't hear. | ||
| They hear like burrs and whistles and fucking gears spinning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't matter. | |
| No. | ||
| They'll figure it out. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Cats are the ones that are going to be hard. | ||
| It depends on which dog. | ||
| What kind of dog you have. | ||
| You have a Belgian Malinois? | ||
| They're going to kill that robot. | ||
| No way. | ||
| They're going to wait until you leave the house and you're going to come home and your robot sex slave is going to be torn apart in your living room. | ||
| Like all the wiring ripped out of her neck and your dog is going to be standing over her. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yep, 100%. | ||
| They're gonna know that's not a fucking person. | ||
| Yeah, but you think that it would have to, like, does it need it to be a person? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| If it's your protector. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you have a dog, like, Carnet Corso, one of those big-ass fucking hulking mastiff dogs that's, like, very loyal to their owner, and they see a robot in the house, like... | ||
| Yeah, but do you know what that's going to mean? | ||
| That's going to mean a lot of people getting rid of their dogs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're choosing between pussy and dogs, especially when you... | ||
| Because how much would it change the world when you have a bunch of guys that can't even get laid at all, and all of a sudden they're banging the hottest woman they can think of? | ||
| The hottest woman humanly available. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And what happens to those guys' personalities? | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Look, if they just make it economical, so they make it like a cell phone. | ||
| Everybody has a cell phone. | ||
| If you make a robot fuck doll economical, it's over for the human race. | ||
| I was just looking at a thing where they just cloned, they just did two mice. | ||
| Out of two male mice, they had an offspring. | ||
| You see this? | ||
| How gay is that mouse going to be? | ||
| I don't know if they know if the mouse is a regular mouse yet. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| What if it's a demon? | ||
| I don't know if they know if the third mouse can reproduce. | ||
| I think that's what they gotta wait to see. | ||
| Yeah, I am fucking really confused that people seem to want to go down the path of every bad science fiction movie. | ||
| Well, it's because once you hit that point where people can build an AI-powered... | ||
| Scientists create mice with cells from two mice for the first time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit, man. | ||
| They did it with females a few years ago. | ||
| What was the new thing that they did? | ||
| Scientists at Harvard have managed to reverse the age of a mouse. | ||
| They took an old mouse and they made it young again. | ||
| And this mouse looked old as fuck, dude. | ||
| This mouse looked like they have two photos. | ||
| They better not have used fake photos. | ||
| Was this the guy? | ||
| Did they use that shit? | ||
| You know that one Russian guy that he got some ancient bacteria from the ice and he put it in himself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Because he noticed that it was keeping everything young, everything that it touched. | ||
| These fucking scientists are psychos. | ||
| It worked though. | ||
| What do you mean it worked? | ||
| He's younger now? | ||
| He's biologically younger now. | ||
| He's not aging. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Is this real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know about this. | ||
| I thought I talked to you about it. | ||
| I think you did. | ||
| I think you probably talked to me about it. | ||
| So this is the mouse. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| So that's not accurate. | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| One's a brother, one's sister. | ||
| They're born at the same time. | ||
| One's been altered, one hasn't. | ||
| Oh, so the one that's altered is way younger. | ||
| And the one that's the brother is fucked and about to die. | ||
| So that is a sign that they've done something to the aging of the mice. | ||
| These mice are brother and sister, born in the same litter. | ||
| One has been genetically altered to be old. | ||
| Oh, now scientists say they've been able to reverse aging as well. | ||
| They can reverse aging in mice. | ||
| The goals do the same for humans. | ||
| Okay, this is David Sinclair's lab. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, Dr. Bruchkov. | |
| Dr. Bruchkov. | ||
| This is the guy that injected the ancient bacteria. | ||
| The 3.5 million year old ancient bacteria. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| B-R-O-U-C-H-K-O-V. Yeah, he injects himself. | ||
| Imagine just having the balls to do that. | ||
| You find some bacteria in ancient ice, you rejuvenate it, it's still alive, and then... | ||
| What a psycho. | ||
| The bacteria that doesn't die. | ||
| So what does he do? | ||
| He first discovered this ancient bacteria, Bacillus F, in 2009, frozen deep in the permafrost in a mountain in Siberia's Yakutsk region, like even deeper in the permafrost than woolly mammoth remains. | ||
| Dr. Brukoff estimated it was 3.5 million years old. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Bacillus F seems to make everything around it live longer, too. | ||
| I don't shine. | ||
| If you don't shine, it would say if it could talk. | ||
| Early studies have looked at its effect on mice, fruit flies, and crops, and the results have been so promising that Dr. Viktor Chernyovsky, a Russian epidemiologist, has called it an elixir of life. | ||
| So this dude injected this shit? | ||
| Yeah, eventually he does. | ||
| Bruchov does. | ||
| Does it show what happened when he injected it, Jamie? | ||
| No, but looking back, I thought we had talked about this before. | ||
| I think we did. | ||
| Now that you're bringing it up. | ||
| Bro, my hard drive is fried. | ||
| My mental hard drive of information, it's taxed beyond belief. | ||
| There's a story here of where this happened back in 2015, not 2019. This is, yeah. | ||
| So he injected it, though. | ||
| Go to where he injected it, because that's part of the title of it. | ||
| It says he found it and he injected it himself. | ||
| So what was the result? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Scientists who said YOLO. I don't think anyone's ever found out what happened. | |
| Okay, but scroll down. | ||
| It was right there. | ||
| Where's the YOLO thing? | ||
| Scroll down there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So he decided YOLO. He injected himself with the bacteria. | ||
| He'd inject himself with the bacteria and see what happened. | ||
| It's not real science he's acknowledged. | ||
| In other words, it's not a controlled trial, but maybe now he'll live forever. | ||
| He's definitely still alive and he says he's feeling better than ever. | ||
| In 2015, he said he hadn't had a cold or a flu in two years since he injected himself. | ||
| He also reported higher energy levels. | ||
| It could all be the placebo effect, or it could be something more. | ||
| We need to know more research. | ||
| He's a fucking Spider-Man villain. | ||
| Yeah, that's why. | ||
| This dude's a Spider-Man villain. | ||
| I mean, they're so nuts. | ||
| Scientists are so fucking nuts. | ||
| How is he now? | ||
| I mean, he's venom. | ||
| Now he's venom. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, but he said he felt better than ever. | ||
| But what a wild thing to do to yourself. | ||
| Inject yourself with a bacteria that helps things that are around it. | ||
| Are you fucking sure? | ||
| Because especially since you discovered it, you're the world's foremost expert on it. | ||
| So if something goes wrong, there's nobody that can help you. | ||
| And he's so confident that he's right, that he injected himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why is there no update? | ||
| Because he's dead. | ||
| He lives on the moon now. | ||
| He's fucking Dr. Manhattan. | ||
| But I'm pretty sure he hired some poor Russian lady to do it first. | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm pretty sure that he hired a model or someone to try it. | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, that's creepy. | ||
| There's something about doing it yourself that's kind of noble, but hiring somebody else, that's kind of a bitch move. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm going to practice on a poor person first. | ||
| It is a wild thing to do, to just put it in a body for the first time. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what, though? | ||
| She might have done it after him, to be honest with you. | ||
| Yeah, no, 100%. | ||
| I think that's why we talked about this. | ||
| We talked about the lady who found out about this story, found the same stuff, and injected herself with it. | ||
| Okay, right. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Well, she wanted to stay alive forever, and never, never, never. | ||
| See, that's the thing. | ||
| I don't think anybody wants to live forever. | ||
| They want to be hot forever. | ||
| Yeah, here. | ||
| There's an actress. | ||
| Actress did it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Aging is a disease. | ||
| Actress inject herself with 3.5 million year old bacteria. | ||
| How did she get it? | ||
| From the doctor, I think. | ||
| I think she contacted the doctor. | ||
| She's banging the doctor. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, yeah, she got a hell of a doctor. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| The team who unlocked the DNA code in 2015 say that unlike cells in nature, Bacillus F shows no signs of aging and believe it could hold the key to unlocking improved human health and longevity. | ||
| What a crazy beginning to a science fiction movie. | ||
| They found a bacteria that's three and a half million years old and won't die. | ||
| And they just said, well, let's just stick it in us. | ||
| I can find out what she said. | ||
| Just to see if it'll keep me around. | ||
| What if it works? | ||
| What if that dude, like we come back to him 10, 20 years from now, he hasn't aged at all. | ||
| He looks exactly the same. | ||
| It's doing something. | ||
| But I have not heard anything about this guy since that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that was like four years ago, five years ago. | ||
| It might be a disaster. | ||
| It might be terrible now. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Or it's increasing your life and shrinking your dick. | ||
| Like, I feel so much better. | ||
| I don't even notice. | ||
| It's just becoming an innie. | ||
| If there was a thing that really could turn you into a woman, like not just getting castrated and developing a hole that they put in you to create a vagina for you, but if you could really become a woman, that's when things would be wild. | ||
| You could just change everything about you. | ||
| Well, the thing is, if there was a trial period, every dude would use it. | ||
| Every man I know was like, I'll do it for a day or two. | ||
| Just know what the fuck is going on in their brains. | ||
| What if you couldn't go back, though? | ||
| Well, that's also the beginning of a scary movie. | ||
| Yeah, like it breaks. | ||
| Trading places, gender edition? | ||
| Yeah, maybe the go back to male just doesn't work right. | ||
| You look always feminine forever. | ||
| You know, something about you. | ||
| You're always feminine. | ||
| Like there's a price you pay every time you transform? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You become more androgynous. | ||
| They melt together with each one. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What you end up with is just a coin flip. | ||
| Yeah, you're everything. | ||
| Dude, there's a girl that's going viral right now because she has a disorder that makes her grow like a full-on thick beard. | ||
| I saw that, yeah. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Might want to shave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Wouldn't be so hard to shave that, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how hard it is for her, but I know I'd have tried everything. | ||
| I think a little shave would be in order. | ||
| I think a little shave. | ||
| But who knows what she looks like without the beard. | ||
| I don't like what I look like when I grow a beard. | ||
| So I shave. | ||
| This is not her. | ||
| No, I've seen that condition. | ||
| That condition is crazy. | ||
| That's like a wolf person condition. | ||
| Yeah, that's like the Harry and the Hendersons. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| No, but this woman... | ||
| I wonder what that comes from. | ||
| Oh, right here. | ||
| That's the girl right there. | ||
| Youngest female with the... | ||
| But this is like a thing forever. | ||
| She's in the Guinness Book of World Records. | ||
| It could be cosplay. | ||
| Yeah, there's always been a bearded lady. | ||
| Could be a little cosplay. | ||
| Yeah, it does look a little extra. | ||
| She just might have got some wacky jeans, man. | ||
| Apparently it's 10%. | ||
| 10% of women have... | ||
| Beards? | ||
| No, have whatever disorder she has that makes her have a beard. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| She's very pretty, though. | ||
| If she got rid of the beard, she'd be hot. | ||
| Shave that shit. | ||
| But I just can't imagine going through the tees in this shit. | ||
| But don't you think that you get a lot of attention for being a lady with the beard, too? | ||
| But is it the kind of attention you want? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No. | ||
| You have to ask her. | ||
| You have to ask her. | ||
| In this day and age, you might be able to get away with it. | ||
| You know, this day and age, like, being a woman with a beard is kind of wild. | ||
| So I went from never hearing about this lady to the first thing someone sent me a video of her talking about how, like, her problem is that the dudes that's into her are very, like, effeminate. | ||
| And she's actually a very girly girl. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And she wants manly men, but manly men don't want a girl with a beard. | ||
| So shave. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, you're going to be by yourself, babe. | ||
| Is that a religious thing? | ||
| No, the beard thing? | ||
| Yeah, is she not allowed to shave? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I don't think it has anything to do with her religion at all. | ||
| So she just decides, accept me for who I am? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are there religions where women aren't allowed to shave their face? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| That would be a good religion if you wanted to make sure, how hairy are you for real, for real? | ||
| Because every woman rule in a religion is to benefit men somehow. | ||
| Yes, that's what I was saying. | ||
| But if they said they couldn't shave, so you wouldn't be able to be deceived. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, how hairy are you? | ||
| You could just tell different groups of dudes came up with... | ||
| Like, what religion is it? | ||
| When you're on your period, you have to go away? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Many religions, including Sikhism, Islam, and sects of Judaism, require that men and women do not cut their hair or that men do not shave their beards. | ||
| So if the women can't cut their hair, they can't cut their face hair. | ||
| No, they can. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That just said they couldn't. | ||
| Many sex. | ||
| Is that what he said? | ||
| Many sex of it? | ||
| Is that what the terminology? | ||
| I think the hair they just mean on their head. | ||
| It does, but... | ||
| They got hair. | ||
| It's your face hair. | ||
| You leave it alone. | ||
| They might take it literally and go any hair coming from your head. | ||
| That might be what it is, dude. | ||
| For her? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| She's seek. | ||
| She can cut her. | ||
| She can shave her. | ||
| Didn't it say seek? | ||
| Wasn't that one of the options? | ||
| Right, but not for beards. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| Maybe they told her. | ||
| Maybe she had to consult. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, maybe you're right. | ||
| They say you can't cut your hair. | ||
| Face hair is hair. | ||
| We'll look that up. | ||
| Can women shave their facial hair in Sikhism? | ||
| Sikh believers believe women included should refrain from chopping, trimming, shaving, waxing, or even tweezing their hair, which would be hair in general. | ||
|
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Your face. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| While there are no penalties as such, doing otherwise is considered disrespectful to the religion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So she's got to keep it. | ||
| It's the religion. | ||
| Well, listen, I think she needs to talk to some of them other Sikh bitches, because I'm pretty sure she ain't the only one with that issue, and I'm pretty sure all of them kind of go, I don't know. | ||
| Skirk the rules a little bit. | ||
| Nobody's got it like that, though. | ||
| Yeah, that's bad. | ||
| Here's one leaning towards what Brian's saying, but it still is like, it's ideal Sikh woman for most Sikhs. | ||
| It says very, who keeps the hair on their head but removes facial and body hair. | ||
| It says the way Cass is performed for Sikh women is currently heavily influenced by patriarchy. | ||
| The ideal Sikh woman for most Sikhs, of course, is one who keeps their hair on her head but still removes facial and body hair. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Heavily influenced by patriarchy. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I don't know no... | ||
| Because I think that's also women want to have shaved legs too, don't they? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| If you make them like... | ||
| No, but if you say that they're allowed to, make it so that they're allowed in the religion to shave their legs, I think they're probably going to want their legs to be smooth. | ||
| Most women, they're not necessarily... | ||
| They're shaving their legs for men, but they're also shaving their legs to look hot. | ||
| They think it looks better that way. | ||
| If you allow them to... | ||
| That's only because we think it looks hot. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I think it would surprise you the amount of... | ||
| If you took away all social judgment for body hair, I think it would shock you how many women would have armpit hair, coochie hair, leg hair, all that. | ||
| It is kind of crazy that trimming hair and body hair, especially for women, It's so common. | ||
| It's so everywhere. | ||
| It's so standard that the idea of letting it grow is crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Like crazy hairy legs. | ||
| It's like, what are you doing? | ||
| When that's just what you're supposed to look like. | ||
| And for all of human history, that's what people look like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We went over this before, like, what year? | ||
| 1920s, right? | ||
| In the 1920s, a new fashion for sleeveless tops and short dresses meant that legs and armpits of American women were now visible in social situations. | ||
| And advertisers seized on the opportunity to encourage women to shave their legs and their armpits. | ||
| So that was in the 20s. | ||
| So up until the 20s, everybody was a beast. | ||
| Just beasts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just chaos. | ||
| And I don't know... | ||
| Because when you hear the argument against it, it always sounds good on paper. | ||
| When people are like, everyone should just be free to just have it, just natural and grow like that. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, I agree with that. | ||
| But then when you see it in action, you're like, no, I prefer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I need you to not have a mustache, babe. | ||
| It's nice that we can do whatever we want. | ||
| Right, that's beautiful. | ||
| If you want to shave, shave, you don't, don't. | ||
| Ancient Europeans— Big Egyptians. | ||
| Oh, excuse me. | ||
| Ancient Egyptians achieved their clean look with depilatory creams, also like a hair-killing cream, and would then repeatedly rub their faces, heads, arms, and legs with a pumice stone to remove all hair. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You definitely couldn't shave your pussy in A.J.H. Oh my God. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Those people, they were tough humans. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| Just a shot. | ||
| Brian Simpson, you're the fucking man. | ||
| Appreciate you. | ||
| Looking forward to working with you tonight. | ||
| Likewise, bro. | ||
| It's going to be fun. | ||
| Live from the Mothership on Netflix right now. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| And BS Comedian on Instagram. | ||
| All the socials, BS Comedian. | ||
| BS with Brian Simpson is my website for tickets. | ||
| And you're touring? | ||
| And I'm on tour. | ||
| I'm coming everywhere. | ||
|
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Woo! | |
| Alright, thank you. |
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