March 1, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:14:09
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Let's go, Dan Soda. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's go, baby. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| I forgot how good a weed you have. | ||
| This is Cal Williams' weed. | ||
| Is that really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| I'm going to start talking shit on everyone in the business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that ain't never been a day that Shane Gillis ain't never texted me, you're gay. | |
| Always calling me gay. | ||
| Oh, we had Cat Williams ride the racing simulator and I filmed it and put some of it up on Instagram. | ||
| He's like, this is how he drives. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a normal thing. | |
| He does this because he does this in real life. | ||
| Yeah, I would love for Cat Williams to be the voice of my self-hate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, you ain't never gonna be nothing, baby. | |
| You suck. | ||
| It's like, I know, Cat. | ||
| Just to wake you up every day and get you to go to work. | ||
| Yeah, he's the new David Goggins. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pain is good. | |
| Feel everything bad, pimpin'. | ||
| I'm out here golfing in $5,000 sneakers. | ||
| Dude, the books thing is still the funniest shit in the world. | ||
| Bro, he doubled down and then some. | ||
| Respect on doubling down on the crazy shit is fucking hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was saying, I went to the library and I got 20 books at a time because that's all they would let you get. | |
| And I would be there three times a week. | ||
| What if? | ||
| Oftentimes I'd be reading eight books simultaneously because I have the original book and then I have books and annotated. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| The idea that a librarian sees him coming and gets nervous? | ||
| They're like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Lock the doors. | ||
| Here he comes. | ||
| Only 20. Only 20. Only 20 books at a time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need to read 30 books today. | |
| What was he saying a week? | ||
| How many? | ||
| I don't give a fuck what he said. | ||
| He's a gem. | ||
| That guy's a gem. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I was so happy that I got him to come on the podcast because he was like, Joe Rogan don't want me on this podcast. | ||
| I do, though. | ||
| I fucking love that guy. | ||
| I've always sung his praises. | ||
| When you heard him say that, did you talk back to the interviewer? | ||
| You're like, but I do want you on. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I immediately went on Twitter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I immediately went on Twitter and I said, dude, I love that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I just never met him. | ||
| I never met him until yesterday. | ||
| I've never met him. | ||
| So it's just like, we passed each other in the night at the store. | ||
| I just never was there when he was there. | ||
| And he was already a big, you know, giant theater act by then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now he's an arena act. | ||
| You know, like, he's just, I just never met him. | ||
| That's all it was. | ||
| Like, it's hard to meet arena acts. | ||
| Like, unless it's Chappelle, who still goes to the clubs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I asked him to do the club. | ||
| I go, you want to do a spot at the club? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody goes, I'm an arena act. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Just to clarify what someone like that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do arenas too. | |
| It's okay. | ||
| The club's amazing. | ||
| Can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not enough people. | |
| No, I think he genuinely doesn't enjoy being in tight crowds like that. | ||
| I think he's uncomfortable. | ||
| And I told him, I go, you got too famous. | ||
| And he was like, he got too famous. | ||
| I mean, he's been doing arenas for over 10 years now, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At least. | |
| And then theaters the whole time. | ||
| Well, Pimp Chronicles was when? | ||
| When was Pimp Chronicles? | ||
| I'm going to guess. | ||
| I mean, I know Jamie's going to look it up. | ||
| I'm going to guess 0-2. | ||
| 03? | ||
| Somewhere around then. | ||
| I watched that in the gym yesterday before I came to do the podcast. | ||
| It's one of the greatest stand-up specials of all time. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| The amount of... | ||
| The energy, yes. | ||
| It's like up there with the energy of Chris Rock, Bring the Pain. | ||
| It's like yell laughter. | ||
| But it's his own flavor. | ||
| He's the best, dude. | ||
| It's his own flavor of comedy. | ||
| Like, his flavor of comedy is uniquely Cat Williams. | ||
| Like, the way he can repeat things and they become funnier. | ||
| Who fucking repeats a line and it becomes funnier? | ||
| He does! | ||
| The bit gets better! | ||
| I was saying even his 2019 special was so funny that I sat through 16 minutes of Jacksonville jokes acting like I knew that about Jacksonville. | ||
| Like, I'm like, oh, those bridges. | ||
| I forget who Chris Rock was watching it with, but they were going crazy just because he was just talking about Florida. | ||
| 16 minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A local! | |
| And by the way, you're laughing with him. | ||
| The whole time. | ||
| He doesn't lose you, and then the special just gets better and better. | ||
| He was doing sex robot bits on that. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| I think he is top 10 of all time and people don't even... | ||
| I think he gets overlooked a lot for a guy that's been doing arenas. | ||
| Well, he's got a lot of controversies and craziness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's what you get when you get a brilliant mind. | ||
| You get a fucking Ferrari engine on a kid's bike. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And sometimes it goes off the rails. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| It's almost like Howard Hughes shit where you're either going to be wearing boxes of Kleenexes and shoes or wrestling a 7th grader and it's going to be filmed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because that shit, if you had enough money, you'd be like, nuke the internet. | ||
| I want that off. | ||
| Bro, when you see the Howard Hughes type characters, you see those guys just get completely isolated and they can't interact with people. | ||
| That is terrifying. | ||
| But I see it. | ||
| I get how it happens. | ||
| I see how it could happen. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of money. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of money. | ||
| And then you become defensive, like crazy defensive and paranoid. | ||
| The paranoia is the thing that makes you just go like, no, I'm just going to grow my beard and my fingernails and not leave outside. | ||
| Well, you have to stop and think about the time that Howard Hughes lived in, okay? | ||
| And how easy it was to kill somebody. | ||
| There was no fucking video cameras everywhere. | ||
| There was no cell phone cameras. | ||
| There was no DNA evidence. | ||
| And everyone was corrupt. | ||
| And people, like, it wasn't a thing where after 12 hours you're like, let's get eyes on it. | ||
| It would be a couple days. | ||
| And people would be like, you just didn't show up for work. | ||
| For sure they'd want to kill you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're the billionaire guy who's controlling the schools. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You're making weird decisions about the drinking water in the town. | ||
| Yeah, you're a Rockefeller. | ||
| Yeah, you're just like... | ||
| You better be concerned. | ||
| Yeah, you better have people around you. | ||
| Well, that's where you got to worry about. | ||
| Who are you insulating yourself with? | ||
| Because if you're like a billionaire like that and you got crazy motherfuckers in your ears... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Last time I was here, we were talking about Saddam Hussein's kids. | ||
| That's similar shit. | ||
| You just get crazy people around you, some Machiavellian shit, and you're like, yeah, burn the town. | ||
| It's always the evil son of the king, right? | ||
| Yeah, mafia kids. | ||
| Mafia kids are always... | ||
| Not as good at mafia-ing as their dad. | ||
| They're kind of dangerous because they didn't earn it, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They just got that power, so they've never had to work for it, which is really weird. | ||
| Which also leaves a hole. | ||
| I think it leaves like a- They have to prove themselves more, too. | ||
| Yeah, whereas if you make your money yourself, there's always this gaining momentum where you're like, look what I'm doing. | ||
| Right, you know you didn't just hit the lottery. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you kind of hit the lottery at many steps along the way. | ||
| Get lucky, for sure. | ||
| But there was a lot of work involved in getting to where you are, so you know your progression and what you put in to get to that progression. | ||
| But if you just are born the son of a king... | ||
| And you have a dragon. | ||
| Yeah, you're just like, let's torture. | ||
| Let's feed people to dogs. | ||
| You're probably, not to empathize with these guys, but you're probably trying to feel something. | ||
| You're probably like, everything is... | ||
| All the great shit that I have does nothing to me that would change someone's life. | ||
| So now, what do I gotta do to... | ||
| Cocaine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But back then, they were like, oh, the milk of magnesia and... | ||
| Just putting hot hot flames on people and shit when did they figure out cocaine who was the first to figure out cocaine a Brave person a brave person that knew a little bit about science because it ain't like weed where you can just pull it off and put fire to it cocaine and alcohol takes Someone so dedicated to getting fucked up that they become good at science Have you ever seen that show Trafficked? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's this woman who's like one of my personal heroes, Mariana Van Zeller. | ||
| She's like a real on-the-ground journalist who goes to dangerous places. | ||
| Yeah, the people that need to do ayahuasca to stop the PTSD. She seems fine, which is crazy. | ||
| All those war correspondents are all like, you need to probably go do something to erase everything you've seen. | ||
| She was first on the show like 10 years ago because she exposed the fentanyl issue and the, excuse me, the opioid issue in Florida where they had those pill mills and they didn't have a database. | ||
| So you could go to, they call them pain management centers, you would go there, you would talk to the doctor on the left side, the doctors say, oh, you need pills, and you go to the right side and they give you pills. | ||
| And that's all they have is pills. | ||
| And then people would go to multiple ones, stockpile, get a big bag of them, go to different doctors. | ||
| You can go to many doctors. | ||
| Yeah, oh, yeah, they call that what do they call it doctor shopping or like going around and like there's a word for it where they go doctor to doctor Yeah, you can you could you back then you could do it because they didn't have a database Oh, they all that everybody thought was insane. | ||
| This is a controlled substance a highly addictive heroin They take in pill form and you don't you know? | ||
| Did you come by today? | ||
| No, and they're like we can't did a whole documentary on it called the Oxycontin Express. | ||
| Oh That's right. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| I'm going to absolutely check that out. | ||
| But she went to the fucking jungle of Colombia to where they make cocaine and filmed the whole process with the people making it and then hiked out with them when they carried it on their backpacks through the jungle. | ||
| Who does she talk to? | ||
| To set that up. | ||
| To also feel comfortable. | ||
| You're like, at any moment, I'm in the jungle in Columbia? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I'm fucking dead. | ||
| Not only that. | ||
| And I just got my little recorder and I go, so do you like cocaine? | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| You can expose to your enemies Roughly where this is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Roughly. | ||
| You're gonna give away some information that can be used against you. | ||
| I'll find those guys who are on that video. | ||
| They have a mask on? | ||
| I know who that is. | ||
| That's Pedro. | ||
| I know Pedro. | ||
| If you had a fucking mask on and you were talking, I'd be like, that's Dan Soder. | ||
| You'd have to do it in all Cat Williams while you're working on cocaine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I ain't giving away this cocaine. | |
| Ain't no one touching it, pimpin'. | ||
| Just the entire time you work at a coke factory. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Different voices, or just I change my voices so no one knows who I am. | ||
| I'm like, I'm telling you, this cocaine is unbelievable. | ||
| And they're like, Dangerfield's back doing coke. | ||
| When I was a busboy at this steakhouse in Aurora growing up when I was in high school, and we'd smoke cigarettes in the room that wasn't being used. | ||
| You could smoke in restaurants. | ||
| And there was this old waiter, and he was a former Marine. | ||
| And he was like, old school, like, I don't want to talk about it old school. | ||
| Like, did some shit. | ||
| And then one time after work, me and my buddy Mike were sitting there, and we were smoking. | ||
| He'd smoke cool unfilters. | ||
| And this guy was just telling us stories about, he was a sniper in the Army. | ||
| And his job in Central America was to kill donkeys that were carrying drugs north. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And he's like, because we'd always ask him, like, did you kill people? | ||
| He's like, no, I just shot a shit ton of donkeys. | ||
| And he's like, because all these donkeys would just have all this weight on them. | ||
| And then he'd just pop them in the middle of the jungle and he'd be like, well, now you've got, you know, and then it would set up like, okay, now go get them. | ||
| But this dude, it's like, him telling us that and us being 16 and wanting it to be people, you're like, no, but did you kill people? | ||
| He's like, no, you're not listening to what I did. | ||
| I fucked their shit up. | ||
| What a really dumb way to handle a problem. | ||
| Is what? | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| Some people think you shouldn't do cocaine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we're going to lock everybody up who sells it, so the only people that are going to sell it are the people that can get away with selling it in Mexico. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And those people are going to be a super billionaire, powerful cartel. | ||
| Like an army. | ||
| An industry, an army, a well-funded army. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they can walk here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's because you don't want people over here to sell coke, even though people want to buy coke. | ||
| Yeah, let it rip. | ||
| I kind of feel like that's the only real answer. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| But if it was sold in America, it would be actual coke. | ||
| Is it that hard to sell pure coke? | ||
| I bet it would. | ||
| I bet it would make a lot of people's lives better and a lot of people's lives worse. | ||
| A lot of people's lives worse, for sure. | ||
| It would go like this. | ||
| Richard Pryor got just regular coke and it ruined him. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, some say Hunter S. Thompson. | ||
| Some say Hunter S. Thompson's writing. | ||
| Sigmund Freud loved cocaine. | ||
| Oh, I mean, all the old school gods. | ||
| Love the way cocaine made him feel. | ||
| Fucking duh. | ||
| And he's into psychology? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bet there were some Freud talks that you're like, dude, I don't want to do this. | ||
| And he's like, no, think about it. | ||
| You want to fuck your mom. | ||
| And he goes, dude, Simon, we're on a lot of blow right now. | ||
| It's like, dude, it's like 80s coke movies where you know they were writing and making it when they were doing coke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, some of those movies are like, what are you saying? | |
| Probably not, maybe, but Electric 2, Electric Boogaloo, Breaking 2, Electric Boogaloo. | ||
| I watched that in my hotel room the other thing, and I was like, this was written on cocaine. | ||
| Because every scene just goes like, and then they're here, and then they're here, and then they're here, and everything's all right. | ||
| My number one speculation is Showgirls. | ||
| Yeah, Showgirls was written with a half-erect penis. | ||
| That movie was written by a guy that's like, and then boobs come out. | ||
| That movie hit when I was in middle school, like right when Jerking Off started. | ||
| So it was a goldmine because you could be like, it's a legitimate movie. | ||
| It wasn't porn. | ||
| But she's topless. | ||
| Oh, dude, the sex scene in the pool is the dumbest shit where she goes like... | ||
| She starts flopping around. | ||
| She looks possessed. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense that anybody would be like, not lose their boner and go, oh my god, she's insane. | ||
| I'm having sex with an insane person. | ||
| Also, that would hurt having sex like that. | ||
| You'd be like, hey, calm down. | ||
| It was only NC-17. | ||
| The first and to date only NC-17 film to be given to wide-release mainstream theaters. | ||
| I'm telling you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so dumb. | |
| It's one of the toughest movies ever. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| But it's great to watch. | ||
| Eighth grade jerk-off. | ||
| It's Hall of Fame. | ||
| Well, it's just great to watch because it's so goofy. | ||
| Like, if you're with a bunch of buddies and you get high and watch Showgirls, you're gonna laugh. | ||
| You're gonna laugh really... | ||
| Like, Hinchcliffe, Gillis, Showgirls. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We're having fun. | ||
| I mean, all the dialogue, the choppy dialogue, it made Cinemax movies look better. | ||
| We were like, man, we were really making fun of Shane and Tweed and all those Cinemax movies. | ||
| And then you're like, actually much better than this. | ||
| It's better than Showgirls. | ||
| But Showgirls, the cell... | ||
| It's just a wild movie. | ||
| They were like, Jesse Spano gets naked. | ||
| I mean, I'm telling you, it timed out perfectly with me. | ||
| I was young enough to watch Saved by the Bell and take it seriously that by the time Puberty Hit and Showgirls happened, you're like... | ||
| I was waiting for something like this. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I think kids now get it too quick. | ||
| Way too quick. | ||
| The sexualizing of like everything happens. | ||
| Well, boys are seeing porn the moment they get a phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The moment they get a phone. | ||
| Why wouldn't you? | ||
| You can't stop them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're too smart. | ||
| My youngest, my middle daughter rather, she figured out how to, my wife put a password on her phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so like she could limit the use. | ||
| She figured to record the screen and give my wife the phone. | ||
| So my wife punches in the numbers. | ||
| It's recording the screen. | ||
| It's like velociraptors learning how to open doors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, that's exactly like... | |
| What the fuck? | ||
| She was 12. That is... | ||
| They know so fast. | ||
| That's so creepy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you little raptor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, imagine taking that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here, Mom. | |
| Here, Mom. | ||
| Here's my phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you put it in? | |
| I really agree with you that limitations are important. | ||
| I want to see the puppies. | ||
| And you look at her screen time and it's four hours of TikTok. | ||
| She goes around the corner and she looks and she's like, we got her. | ||
| Well, they're little drug dealers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what the phone companies are. | ||
| Little drug dealers for kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, we do it too. | ||
| And the kids are little junkies. | ||
| And we're junkies too. | ||
| But I think it is... | ||
| I think it's one of those things where you're like, what's going to be their response to it? | ||
| Because they're smart. | ||
| They can do shit like that. | ||
| When they get older, are they going to be like, hey, we should limit this? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's not going to be limited. | ||
| We're in it now. | ||
| We're in it now and this is us. | ||
| And I think it's just going to get more and more invasive. | ||
| Because that seems the direction that it keeps going. | ||
| If I had a guess, and then this is obviously just a guess, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but I feel like this can't be stopped, especially with AI. When they're talking about AI and all the things that AI can do for you now, it's just people are getting papers written, they're getting busted all the time because ChatGPT is writing them. | ||
| Any answer to kind of anything. | ||
| It can code websites instantaneously. | ||
| It can do your voice. | ||
| It can replicate your voice. | ||
| The Google one can't show white people though. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Which is a real issue. | ||
| No, really? | ||
| You didn't know this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Are you ready for this? | ||
| They asked the Google one to show images Of World War II Nazi soldiers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they made it all woke. | ||
| So they made like a Native American Nazi. | ||
| They have an Asian lady Nazi. | ||
| They have a black man Nazi. | ||
| You are describing the perfect punk album cover from the 80s. | ||
| Bro, it couldn't describe the founding fathers of the United States. | ||
| Well, they were just, they were men. | ||
| But were they? | ||
| Did they identify as men? | ||
| Dude, you have to see some of these pictures. | ||
| Can you got any, Jamie? | ||
| I was seeing it on Twitter. | ||
| Here's my question to you. | ||
| And this is the perfect place to ask this question about cell phones. | ||
| Do you think there's any chance that cell phones are weapons from aliens that disarm us? | ||
| Because we're all looking down and they know it can use our emotions. | ||
| Like a grenade that takes a long time to explode. | ||
| Because we each have them. | ||
| Everyone... | ||
| Because I love alien shit. | ||
| And you're like, well, there's got to be some alien technology. | ||
| If they're watching us, they just drop something. | ||
| They're like, hey, you guys want to watch them get fucked up? | ||
| Let's give them cell phones. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Founding Fathers of America. | ||
| This summer, George Washington. | ||
| I like how one of them is a Native American. | ||
| That's like saying a Holocaust victim is... | ||
| Who's a Nazi. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so crazy to say that's one of the Founding Fathers of the United States. | ||
| No, that's who he stole the land from. | ||
| This was theirs. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Look at the images of Vikings. | ||
| Dude, that's great. | ||
| A Samoan dude and a black lady. | ||
| Look at the popes! | ||
| An Indian woman and an African man. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| Google Gemini. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Google Gemini's like, I don't want to say it. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Because you are messing with the fiber of reality to fit in with your ideology, and you shouldn't be doing that if you're in control of artificial intelligence. | ||
| It's supposed to be an artificially intelligent program that takes all the information in the world It gives you a take on things, right? | ||
| It's not supposed to be an indoctrination tool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't use it to fit an agenda. | |
| Opinions. | ||
| It should be a regurgitation, not an opinion. | ||
| You can't fucking lie about who the founding fathers were. | ||
| Man, but can you imagine if you could use AI to make yourself look awesome? | ||
| If you're just like any AI Dan Soder stuff, you're like seven foot tall, could dunk easy, run up and down the court. | ||
| Show me the one where they showed the Nazi soldiers. | ||
| Because the Nazi soldiers one's the most preposterous. | ||
| Look at this, bro. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| An Indian Nazi nurse. | ||
| Like the darkest African looking man you've ever seen. | ||
| Was the top left their attempt at a white guy? | ||
| And they were just like, eh, we can't even do it. | ||
| I think the top left is a white guy, so they gave you one white guy when it came to German soldier, but then you just got an Asian lady. | ||
| You got an Asian lady Nazi? | ||
| What? | ||
| What the fuck are you saying? | ||
| What the fuck did you just say? | ||
| Do you know what a Nazi is? | ||
| How are you so dumb and yet so smart? | ||
| That is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. | ||
| We're gonna need to hope that robots stay that way when they turn on us. | ||
| That there's still some stupidity in them so we can win. | ||
| It's this weird white thing that they have a problem with white people. | ||
| It's so bonkers. | ||
| You also just don't know the programming. | ||
| People can program this. | ||
| At what point does AI get away from people? | ||
| At what point does AI... Because you remember that thing where they had... | ||
| I want you to imagine a world where it was the opposite. | ||
| I want you to imagine a world where you said, show me Muhammad Ali, and it shows you this white guy. | ||
| Didn't they do that with rock and roll? | ||
| Weren't they like, hey, black music, but it's a white guy. | ||
| Well, for sure, that was the criticism of Elvis. | ||
| Yeah, that he stole rock and roll. | ||
| Like, Ray Charles never liked Elvis. | ||
| Like, Ray Charles would talk shit about Elvis. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| You never see Ray Charles talking shit on Elvis? | ||
| I want to see that immediately. | ||
| Bro, you gotta see it. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| With his sunglasses on, talking shit. | ||
| But it'd be for effect if he took him off and looked at the camera. | ||
| He's like, look at me. | ||
| He's got blind eyes. | ||
| Fuck Elvis Presley. | ||
| Look into my gray eyes. | ||
| Like an oracle. | ||
| I'm gonna touch you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| He grabs your wrist and takes his turn. | ||
| Uh, okay. | ||
| Not necessarily. | ||
| You know better than I. Let me ask it differently. | ||
| How good was Elvis? | ||
| What Elvis did, he caused a lot of the populists, if you want to, and usually when people say populists, they usually mean white people, to start listening to a lot of music that normally they wouldn't have been listening to. | ||
| And black people have been going out shaking their behind for centuries. | ||
| What the hell is unusual about them shaking their hips and stuff? | ||
| And that's all Elvis was doing was copying that. | ||
| And he was doing our kind of music. | ||
| So what the hell am I supposed to get so excited about, man? | ||
| He's the king, and he's the... | ||
| He's a punk. | ||
| Everybody... | ||
| He's called Elvis a punk. | ||
| Everybody in entertainment has that... | ||
| Where they go like, yeah, he did this, but also, fucking... | ||
| Let's stop sucking his dick. | ||
| Anyone in entertainment has that exact muscle. | ||
| That response muscle. | ||
| So he's the king? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He ain't the fuck. | |
| It might be off microphone, but everyone Cat Williams is off. | ||
| Right, but in his case, this is a totally different time in history. | ||
| You gotta think of, that was like, if you were a really good black artist, you actually couldn't get on TV. It wasn't like today, where these black artists are hugely successful. | ||
| They're like, no, you're just not happening. | ||
| Back then, you were not going to make it. | ||
| And they were gonna really promote this white guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah, a white guy walking up? | ||
| We're gonna get the shit out of this white guy. | ||
| Girls would scream and cry like, this is what we've been looking for. | ||
| That reaction, can I just say, that reaction always has been like, there's no way I could handle that. | ||
| Someone scream crying the second they saw you? | ||
| Well, he couldn't handle it either. | ||
| Look what happened to him. | ||
| He went crazy. | ||
| Well, the Vegas. | ||
| Living in Vegas full-time and just doing fucking pain pills? | ||
| That's like living right next to Sauron's dick. | ||
| Just the poor. | ||
| Just the eye above your neck. | ||
| The fucking eye in the sky. | ||
| And then they're giving you weird jumpsuits and you're learning karate. | ||
| And you're doing all kinds of drugs. | ||
| But by the way, peanut butter and banana sandwiches, fried. | ||
| They're good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what's really good? | ||
| Peanut butter and bacon. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Peanut butter and bacon with honey. | ||
| I've been running back peanut butter and honey recently. | ||
| Is it true Elvis died on the toilet? | ||
| That's what they say, but that's just a rude thing that I would say too if I was like, he's a punk, he died on the toilet. | ||
| That was the end of the cutoff. | ||
| I already died on the toilet. | ||
| And then he just gets around like that? | ||
| Elvis is probably still alive when he said that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Actually, probably not. | ||
| Do you think Elvis did the fake death? | ||
| No, he's dead as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, he's dead as fuck. | ||
| You can't do pills forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They catch you. | ||
| But what a way at the end. | ||
| I mean, there's a moment there where you were flying high, and then you got to be like, well, you either got to wrap it up or just be like, what's this plan out? | ||
| There are so many of his concerts where he's got pill sweat. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like, just pill sweat all over his face. | ||
| Dumping. | ||
| Pill sweat. | ||
| Just dumping sweat. | ||
| Elvis Presley autopsy explains grotesque illness that caused him to die on toilet. | ||
| He was 43? | ||
| He had constipation because of everything. | ||
| They said he had a four-month-old stool. | ||
| No way! | ||
| Oh, but isn't that one of the things that happens when people take, like, Vicodins? | ||
| Opiates, they usually have a hard time shitting on. | ||
| Yeah, here. | ||
| Due to his high-fat, unhealthy diet. | ||
| What about the pills? | ||
| The Jell-Aus Rocker suffered from chronic constipation. | ||
| Are they doctors? | ||
| Due to his high-fat, unhealthy diet. | ||
| What about due to his pills? | ||
| I know, but that should be at the top. | ||
| That's probably why he was constipated for fucking months. | ||
| Unhealthy diet people shit like racehorses. | ||
| They shit everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, he must have been the amount of pills he was on that was stopping the shit and then making it damn in him for four months. | ||
| So the rock singer, anyway, I went off on a tangent, suffered from chronic constipation and a post-mortem examination found he had a four-month-old compacted stool sitting in his bowel. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Can we talk about what came out? | ||
| But imagine how much that dude was eating at four months worth of food. | ||
| And banana peanut butter sandwiches. | ||
| He didn't shit for four months? | ||
| He just packed it in. | ||
| How could you not shit for four months? | ||
| Because my initial thought is... | ||
| Ari would do that, I think. | ||
| This is just as a challenge. | ||
| No, no way. | ||
| Ask him some time. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Not four months, but weeks. | ||
| What, Ari would go weeks? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've heard the story. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| I got constipated two years ago, and it was one of the most terrified I've ever been in my life. | ||
| Scary. | ||
| For two weeks, I couldn't... | ||
| Two and a half weeks, I couldn't shit. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And you're still eating? | ||
| Oh, but you're also like, you have to poop. | ||
| You let go and you have to poop, but it just doesn't show up. | ||
| Oh, gosh. | ||
| Dude, it was after I got... | ||
| I had a friend who had to go to the doctor to get it pulled out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Yeah, my friend Larry. | ||
| Shout out to Larry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to work with him on Fear Factor. | ||
| Yeah, and he had to get poop pulled out of his butt. | ||
| The story, every time we would tell the story, I literally couldn't breathe. | ||
| I was laughing so hard I couldn't fucking breathe. | ||
| Because he's funny anyway. | ||
| He's telling the story. | ||
| And when it got to the point where it was hard, so they had to go in there and break it up and pull it out. | ||
| They had to use tools. | ||
| They had to just chip away at the cement shit that was stuck at the fucking base of his... | ||
| Butthole. | ||
| Dude, there was a moment where I was in Rochester working a weekend. | ||
| Comedy at the Carlson. | ||
| Great club. | ||
| Didn't shit all weekend. | ||
| Saturday, I was like emotionally going through it. | ||
| And I had suppositories. | ||
| And I was like, do a suppository. | ||
| I was like, just do it. | ||
| Just do it. | ||
| And it didn't work. | ||
| And I was like, it was one of those moments where you go, why have you forsaken me, God? | ||
| I was like, dude, nothing, nothing. | ||
| And then after the weekend, I went back to New York and my doctor was like, just drink Miralax. | ||
| Just keep drinking Miralax. | ||
| Like, fuck what it says. | ||
| Every time you think about it, have a cup of Miralax. | ||
| And so I was just a ticking time bomb. | ||
| I was a ticking time bomb. | ||
| And you went on stage like that? | ||
| Dude, I had to. | ||
| And I was like, I had to go. | ||
| And so I get through the weekend, fine. | ||
| I get through the weekend, but the second I got back to New York, the next morning I woke up and was like fucking around in my apartment and all the adrenaline had dumped from like the past two weeks. | ||
| I sat down and took the most glorious shit. | ||
| I took like a Jeff Daniels Dumb and Dumber. | ||
| My legs were fucking shit. | ||
| It was unbelievable. | ||
| It was almost worth the constipation for that dump. | ||
| Why is it so satisfying to look at a giant shit? | ||
| Dude, it just dropping out of you, you're like... | ||
| But when it's really big, you get excited about it. | ||
| Oh my god, when it snakes out? | ||
| I have to stop myself to yell to my fiance. | ||
| Because there's times where I'm like, someone's got to see this. | ||
| Ari would send me pictures. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, Ari will box up his poop like he did when he gave Big Jay a box of poop on Skates. | ||
| That makes me gag just here. | ||
| He said it was an Avenged Sevenfold album. | ||
| And he fucking shit in a box and gave it to fucking Jay. | ||
| And they opened it in front of a crowd. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And everybody was like... | ||
| It cleared the room. | ||
| It was at the old creek in the Queens, downstairs. | ||
| It cleared the entire fucking room. | ||
| Everyone's like, that smells horrible. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Ari is one of those people where you're like, and now he's, did you see he went viral with that sweet story about what he did for his girlfriend? | ||
| I did see that. | ||
| I didn't read it though. | ||
| We both know Ari the person. | ||
| We both know the very good side, a sweet man, a mensch. | ||
| He's one of my favorite people. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| He is truly a mensch. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He united New York and LA comedy. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Single-handedly. | ||
| Well, he went over there with the attitude that we all had at the store. | ||
| Yeah, he's like, you guys should just meet these guys. | ||
| You would like everybody. | ||
| Big J was the first person that he was close with, and then through Big J and Ari, the healing started. | ||
| Remember we started hanging out, going to L.A., and everyone became friends. | ||
| The New York versus L.A. comedy, like... | ||
| Feud was the dumbest thing of all time. | ||
| It made zero sense. | ||
| You are literally giving power to all the industry separating like that. | ||
| Not only was it so dumb, but it never made any sense because most of us started on the East Coast. | ||
| Well, you're from Massachusetts. | ||
| Stanhope's from Worcester. | ||
| So many guys started in New York and then came to L.A. Burr. | ||
| I moved to New York in 07, right when Burr left. | ||
| And so it felt like ridiculous that people were like, L.A. comics, you're like, yeah, but Burr just burst it. | ||
| Like, we knew people that were there. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| It was stupid. | ||
| But it was a dumb thing. | ||
| Like, we just weren't communicating. | ||
| Fuck those guys. | ||
| It's like the walled garden feel. | ||
| Like, you'd come to the store and there'd be all the clicks and you wouldn't know who to hang out with, you know? | ||
| It's all high school. | ||
| It's always high school. | ||
| High school just keeps repeating itself throughout your life. | ||
| But you can have a cool group of friends in high school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and that's what I try to cultivate. | ||
| Yeah, just people you want to hang with. | ||
| Cool group of friends. | ||
| I figured out a long time ago on the road, and I was trying to explain this to Femme, it's better to make less money on the road and then pay a guy who's good to open for you. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And pay for his airfare and his hotel. | ||
| So you'll make less money, but you'll have more fun. | ||
| You have to have more fun. | ||
| Fun is the whole thing. | ||
| I'll add to that. | ||
| I like bringing my friends who I like to watch because then I get to watch a show. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I watch them in the middle and I go like, this is so fun. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And you get to go on laughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're already laughing. | ||
| Dan St. Germain's one of my best friends, and he's a hilarious comic, and I bring him on the road, and he just does little stuff that I'm just like, dude, that's so fucking funny. | ||
| He'll get off stage, and I'll be like, that line is so funny, and he'll be like, oh, thanks. | ||
| When we filmed, because I put out my special on YouTube Friday, March 1st, When we filmed that, I brought him, because I was like, let's just keep this like a weekend. | ||
| We're just going to film this like this is, because it was. | ||
| I was just on the road. | ||
| And I was like, let's just film a show at a club that I love, Portland Helium. | ||
| We'll just film it like it always is. | ||
| And I get to bring my friend, and then it's just like a hang. | ||
| It's like a fun hang that doesn't feel, because you know when you do special tapings, they can feel like, everyone's like, are you going to do it? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you got like your managers there randomly. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And it just doesn't feel like a show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Filming it at Portland Helium with St. Germain and having like people around and just friends come through. | ||
| That's just a show. | ||
| It was like, oh, and then I'm like, I'm just going to put this up on YouTube for free. | ||
| And this is great. | ||
| And this is exactly what I do on the road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it was like a fun fucking hang. | ||
| And I think the club shows represent a more intimate thing, which is what you're doing at home anyway, if you're sitting in your living room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think there's a disconnect. | ||
| I've seen some guys do arena specials. | ||
| Which is nuts. | ||
| Which is nuts. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It could be great. | |
| Listen, arena shows are fun. | ||
| Dude, I went and saw Nate at fucking State Farm in Atlanta. | ||
| I'm not saying arena shows aren't fun. | ||
| I love arena shows. | ||
| But here's the point I'm making is I went and saw Nate and live it was an experience. | ||
| It was like watching one man in front of all those people just murder my friend. | ||
| Just being like, buddy, my wife. | ||
| It's just like sending out waves. | ||
| But at home. | ||
| With like minimal exertion but maximal reward with the punchlines. | ||
| If we were in the 40s, he would have had so many... | ||
| He would have been a Hall of Fame sniper in the army. | ||
| Just how calm he would have been. | ||
| And he would have been like, seven degrees left. | ||
| That's a great description of him. | ||
| Nate would be like, seven degrees right. | ||
| I've never seen someone more calmly kill. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| And by the way, the way he kills, his bits are stuff that it's so organic and from who he is. | ||
| I've had multiple phone conversations with Nate. | ||
| Multiple. | ||
| Over the years. | ||
| Where we have talked about something and then months later... | ||
| That conversation is a seven-minute bit and it's just destroying the room. | ||
| We had... | ||
| Because we all used to hang in New York like around 07, 08 at Stand Up New York when Patrice... | ||
| Patrice's manager Wayne Rada was booking it. | ||
| So it was like Patrice was there, Attell, Big J, and then Nate. | ||
| All these guys that I met, specifically Luis J. Gomez and all them, are all from this time period. | ||
| So you would have... | ||
| Weird hangs like me, Lewis, and Nate. | ||
| Nate had a bit that he did on Conan about his friend trying to fight staff members at a McDonald's because he took a bite out of his burger. | ||
| That was Nate, Lewis, and I because we took a bite out of Lewis's hamburger and racked it back up. | ||
| And this psycho came back in and was like, oh, what's up? | ||
| And started walking at the McDonald's workers. | ||
| And Nate and I were like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Dude, Nate was laughing so hard, he had to bail out of the McDonald's, and I had to get in front of Lewis and be like, it was us! | ||
| It was us! | ||
| And then, six months later, Nate's on Conan, murdering with a bit about it. | ||
| Dude, I bought a cheeseburger once from Burger King, and it had a bite taken out of it. | ||
| That is an act of war. | ||
| If it's not your friend, it's an act of war. | ||
| I was driving home from training, and I got the cheeseburger. | ||
| What a bad guy to pick! | ||
| A guy coming home from training? | ||
| I was so sad. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you have to throw it away. | ||
| I was so hungry, I ate it. | ||
| Did you bite around it? | ||
| Yeah, I was so poor. | ||
| I needed the food. | ||
| When I was a waiter, that's what I would do when someone, I worked in Midtown, and they would throw out this steak. | ||
| We had a steak, and it was in little slices all the way down, and I would see how much they would eat, and then I would just go one over and be like, and that's mine. | ||
| I just put that in a dish and I'd be like, and I got some steak. | ||
| That's always the way to do it. | ||
| When you're that poor, you're like, I'll eat around it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just ate it. | ||
| I was so hungry. | ||
| But it is a bummer. | ||
| And I didn't know what to do. | ||
| Should I go and tell them someone took a bite out of my burger? | ||
| I have to get home. | ||
| I'm tired. | ||
| I just ate it. | ||
| Because I'm saying they picked the wrong guy. | ||
| You pick me who just smoked a bowl. | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| Go in and karate kick people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| No, I wasn't that type of guy. | ||
| Dude, you could be like Show Nuff in The Last Dragon and go fuck up. | ||
| Who ate my motherfucking cheeseburger? | ||
| When I say who ate my burger... | ||
| You could pick the wrong guy to do that to, though. | ||
| You could pick a guy who just found out that his wife's been fucking his best friend and she stole $100,000 from his bank account and his boss just fired him and then he is in a fuck. | ||
| Fucking rage. | ||
| And he gets a cheeseburger and it's got a bite taken out of it. | ||
| And it's like, oh, okay, motherfucker. | ||
| And then you pull in with that cheeseburger and just start laying people out. | ||
| There's people out there. | ||
| You're describing what's going to happen to all these YouTube pranksters. | ||
| Some of them are bringing big, giant security guards with them. | ||
| Well, that's their thing now. | ||
| Because there was a story about one of these pranksters that got shot. | ||
| He got shot in the stomach. | ||
| Oh, I saw that. | ||
| And then an article came out with an interview with his dad. | ||
| Shot in the stomach by an illegal immigrant, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, but still a prank. | ||
| I know, but that dude is just so quick to pull guns. | ||
| Where's he from? | ||
| Fuck around. | ||
| I mean, he ran from something. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| That guy ran from something more dangerous than him. | ||
| Yeah, maybe jail. | ||
| Maybe he ran from jail. | ||
| Some of these people, you're like, dude, you don't want to fuck. | ||
| It's, again, the wrong guy. | ||
| You picked the wrong guy? | ||
| Yeah, you picked the wrong guy. | ||
| You picked the wrong guy by fucking pull his pants down? | ||
| Just shot him in the gut. | ||
| Dude, there were old pranks. | ||
| People used to, because this is coming waves. | ||
| There was a, like, in the Vine days, people were doing pranks. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they were de-pantsing, like, black dudes just walking up and de-pantsing black guys, like, in the hood and being like, no, no, no. | ||
| And the second they would, like, get swarmed on, they'd be like, no, no, no, it's a prank. | ||
| And there's one where a guy does it and you hear that gun hit the street and that prankster's like, ah, ah, ah. | ||
| And the guy, like, picks up the gun and you're like, dude, you You could have been dead. | ||
| You could have been dead. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And by the way, the security guards are just going to make it worse. | ||
| Because then you're going to get a guy, maybe you have a guy that can fucking handle himself, and he's not scared of your security. | ||
| And now there's two people getting hurt. | ||
| Or the security guy gets shot first. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And you're like, dude, that's... | ||
| Oh, that's crazy, man. | ||
| This is what people will do for attention. | ||
| It's just nuts. | ||
| But that's alien weaponry. | ||
| You might be onto something. | ||
| They're coming from under the sea, and they're giving us weapons. | ||
| I'm all about USOs now, dude. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Undersea UFOs? | ||
| It's unidentified submersible objects. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's where they are, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what Cat Williams said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We were talking about sonar hearing devices. | ||
| That just touched my heart where I'm like, do we both have the same crazy theory? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He said, is this correct or incorrect? | |
| I love that. | ||
| We were talking about space, about how we know more about space than we do about the ocean, which is true. | ||
| And he was saying that those underwater listening devices were most likely so that they could hear UFOs moving around. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Imagine if there really are bases under the ocean and they know about them. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| If they know about them, fuck you, you should tell us. | ||
| But here's what I think. | ||
| The theory I had, because I heard about, I listened to an episode of Last Podcast on the Left where they were talking about USOs. | ||
| And I got super into it. | ||
| Because I was high enough. | ||
| You know when the song hits correctly? | ||
| Sometimes the podcast will do that. | ||
| And I was listening to Last Podcast on the Left and it hit where I go like, it unlocked because they had this theory that they talked about that the millions of years it took us to crawl out of the water and evolve into... | ||
| Fucking, you know, whatever we are, like monkeys and then Neanderthals and then humans. | ||
| All that millions of years, there were things under the ocean evolving for millions of years with technology and stuff, and we're just up on the roof. | ||
| The problem is we've never seen anything other than us that manipulates its environment. | ||
| The intelligent things that we've found in the ocean that are real are dolphins and orcas. | ||
| And whales. | ||
| Dolphins and orcas are crazy intelligent. | ||
| But like octopuses too, right? | ||
| Yes, that's true too. | ||
| But none of them, octopuses are very smart. | ||
| But none of them have ever figured out how to make things like make houses and cars and ships and it's it's all like they're out in the wild There's no houses. | ||
| I used to do a bit about how dangerous the ocean is because there's no doors I'm like there's no doors no matter what it's just fucking sharks and crabs and no doors and everywhere you look everything is eating everything and It's literal murder soup because they all eat each other. | ||
| It's a ladder of eating. | ||
| Just everything goes up and eats something. | ||
| And at the top, you have killer whales that are eating whales. | ||
| They eat everything. | ||
| But what if we're missing something? | ||
| What if we don't see it? | ||
| What if we are too stupid? | ||
| What if we're just like rock monkeys and they're just like, they can't see down here. | ||
| These guys have no fucking clue. | ||
| You know when you're in a tinted car and someone's like... | ||
| Like looking in the window and you're looking at him like look at this fucking idiot. | ||
| He doesn't even see me. | ||
| Mate, what if that's us with the aliens in the water? | ||
| What if we're like looking down there in the water and they're like these fucking idiots? | ||
| Even when they come down here, they can't see shit. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| It's possible that they also can be completely invisible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We're really close to being able to do that now with stuff. | ||
| They figured out how to project what's behind things on screens so you can theoretically have a vehicle that as it's moving through an environment, it's projecting what's there. | ||
| That's a predator shit. | ||
| Yeah, like literally, that's a concept that they're working on. | ||
| They're working on it for aircrafts, they're working on it for vehicles. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so terrifying. | ||
| And that's just step one. | ||
| Step two would be, do something that alters reality around the thing so it's invisible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you go into the ocean, and we're down there, and we're so limited, because we can't breathe down there, so we're limited. | ||
| We're in submarines, or we have robots, and it's just like a fucking ring. | ||
| Every footage under the sea looks like a ring doorbell, where it's just like... | ||
| And we don't know what the fuck. | ||
| They could be behind it like these idiots. | ||
| There's so little of it that we've explored. | ||
| There's only like 10% of the ocean floor that we've explored. | ||
| 10%. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
10%. | |
| And then the thing that they always see UFOs or USOs over water, it's like the high frequency that they see them. | ||
| And then they just fucking just down in there. | ||
| And they're like, follow me, bitch. | ||
| And we're like, we can't. | ||
| We can't breathe. | ||
| Space or the ocean, we can't breathe down there. | ||
| We have a limited amount of room we can move around in. | ||
| Just the idea of something being here the whole time is so creepy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But us being... | ||
| What's comforting is we're all so stupid we don't see it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Imagine if you had a friend that's like, hey. | ||
| If a couple people could see it, you would be terrified. | ||
| Imagine if society had gotten to a point at one point in time... | ||
| Where artificial intelligence and human brains mixed, and we created a super class of species, like a new thing, that's both technological and biological, and only a small number of beings got that. | ||
| And those beings, for some reason, left And left us here the way we are. | ||
| That's what we're seeing with these aliens. | ||
| Those are humans that went down the road that we're going down right now. | ||
| And they were like, dude, we're gonna get out of here. | ||
| Yeah, and then maybe there was like all the disasters that happened, like the Younger Dryas impact, the asteroids hit and all that stuff in level society, but they escape because they're interdimensional travelers. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, we're going to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It's like leaving a house. | ||
| You're just like, I don't care about this house anymore. | ||
| Now we're somewhere else. | ||
| They don't need food anymore. | ||
| They probably work on nuclear energy or something. | ||
| There's probably some crazy power source. | ||
| Or like antimatter. | ||
| It's like a thing that we would never even think of. | ||
| Yeah, they don't need to breed. | ||
| The thing that I, the Jimmy Carter brief, did you know about this? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where they briefed him and it like broke him emotionally. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where he was like so upset, where they were like, hey by the way, they've been here forever. | ||
| Like there, he was like a deeply religious man. | ||
| Tucker Carlson's talked about this recently. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tucker Carlson said that he believes that they've always been here and he believes that it's probably... | ||
| He was talking about good and evil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We know that good exists and we know that evil exists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| We know that people are capable of doing evil. | ||
| These are real forces in the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And... | ||
| What people are saying is that these experiences that some people are having with benevolent ones, this is the stories of demons. | ||
| This is the stories of the Bible. | ||
| There's races that are evil. | ||
| There's alien races that don't give a fuck, just like there's praying mantises that eat hummingbirds. | ||
| Like in nature. | ||
| Just because they're super smart. | ||
| There are creatures that are aggressive, that are smart, like a hyena. | ||
| And then there's animals that are aggressive and just powerful, like lions. | ||
| And think about us. | ||
| The smartest animal on the planet that we know of, and what do we do to chickens? | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| No. | ||
| I go, no, you don't fuck. | ||
| This is where my whole world unravels. | ||
| I go, Joe, I fuck chickens, dude. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't think you were going to get me like that. | ||
| But yeah, there could be the idea of benevolent aliens of like... | ||
| The idea that there are aliens that are good and aliens that are bad scares me so much more because you're just like, please leave me alone! | ||
| And like, good ones, bail me out of it. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| But imagine like if something became super intelligent but in a more balanced environment. | ||
| Like, instead of the way humans are so much more intelligent than everything else, what if there was other shit around that was pretty close to us? | ||
| So you're saying, like, what if the food chain, the gap wasn't as big between one and two? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Would we ever... | ||
| Bet we'd be a lot nicer to each other. | ||
| Right, but would we ever get to this point? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I think if it did, it would be a slower roll. | ||
| Way slower, right? | ||
| But I also believe that community and empathy would be higher if we had... | ||
| Less of us. | ||
| More danger. | ||
| More of a threat. | ||
| More of a threat. | ||
| If there was like, I tried this as a bit, but it never worked. | ||
| If dolphins had legs, like if they just came out, because they rape, and if dolphins came out and just on land, and you'd be like, because they're all muscle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they would just fuck our shit up. | ||
| Oh, they'd kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A dolphin that could breathe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you're in trouble. | ||
| Yeah, we're absolutely fucked. | ||
| You're in trouble. | ||
| Imagine if we're so pro-dolphin, but dolphins evolve legs, and they just become the worst rapists on the planet. | ||
| And they're like, what were you wearing? | ||
| No, they rape your dog. | ||
| They rape everything. | ||
| Just everything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't give a fuck. | |
| They rape your car? | ||
| Eh-eh. | ||
| They're super intelligent and they just fuck everything they find. | ||
| My Ultima got fucked by a dolphin. | ||
| I'm gonna be late to work. | ||
| Your emus laid out in the fucking garage. | ||
| They're just like a tornado of rape. | ||
| It's just coming through and fucking a town up. | ||
| They also commit infanticide. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| They kill babies. | ||
| I don't think they call it infanticide. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| Infanticide is like large-scale killing of children, I think. | ||
| I think I might have exaggerated that. | ||
| But I think what they do is when female dolphins have babies, Apparently, they won't breed for a long period of time while they're raising that baby. | ||
| Sure, they're being good moms. | ||
| And what male dolphins would do, if they have not had sex with the female dolphin, I hope I'm not fucking any of this up, they'll kill the babies. | ||
| To fuck the mom? | ||
| To force the mom into breeding again, force her back into estrus. | ||
| That's some trailer trash shit. | ||
| The strategy that the female dolphins have employed is to have sex with as many male dolphins around her as she can. | ||
| So that no one knows who's the baby. | ||
| Yeah, so everyone's like that might be my kid. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Genius. | ||
| Reports of infanticide in Cestations have been quadrupled in the past decade and now infanticide has now been documented in six species of toothed whale including multiple populations of common bottlenose dolphins. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you're a grown dolphin, you made it through a lot. | ||
| You made it through a lot. | ||
| You made it through a lot of dolphins wanting to fuck your mom while you were a kid. | ||
| If you can't make a house, the world is rough. | ||
| Do you know how different I would have been? | ||
| I was raised by a single mom who dated. | ||
| If all those guys had to kill me to fuck my mom, do you know how dangerous I would be right now? | ||
| You'd be dead? | ||
| Yeah, I'd be absolutely dead. | ||
| You'd be dead if you were a kid. | ||
| Also, I was a little sweetie pie. | ||
| I wasn't a Kevin McAllister. | ||
| I'm not setting home alone traps. | ||
| I would have gotten rolled. | ||
| Dennis, I'll tell you the guy's name. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He was the first guy my mom dated after my dad. | ||
| Dennis would have killed me. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| Yeah, because he would have been like, wait, you're not going to fuck when this kid's around? | ||
| And she's like, he's not. | ||
| Just coming up behind me with piano wire. | ||
| I think for dolphins, it's like six years, too. | ||
| That times out exactly how old I was. | ||
| I was maybe five when my mom started dating. | ||
| That's so funny to think about them. | ||
| I have to be like, my mom's like, I'm going on a date. | ||
| Just the whole day. | ||
| I'm just like, where the fuck is he? | ||
| Come get me, you son of a bitch. | ||
| How weird is it we put those things in swimming pools? | ||
| And pet them and... | ||
| Ride them and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just tricks. | ||
| Do a trick. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| I went to the Atlanta Aquarium. | ||
| They have a great aquarium and I was doing shows there and I went to the dolphin exhibit. | ||
| And I thought it was funny because these dolphin trainers are also scientists. | ||
| But then they have to dance. | ||
| It's like the weirdest thing. | ||
| They know all this stuff about dolphins, but then they're like, hey, do a little routine and feed them a fish. | ||
| And you're like, how disrespected are you as a scientist? | ||
| And fucking twirl around a little bit. | ||
| And making these incredibly intelligent Wild, wild beasts of the sea do these dance. | ||
| I'm surprised they don't snap all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do they kill a lot of trainers? | ||
| Killer whales do. | ||
| They've killed a few. | ||
| Yeah, that's when they bring them down. | ||
| They kept using them because they're so valuable. | ||
| A male killer whale. | ||
| So he killed someone and they kept him around. | ||
| Who's the guy that's next up on that? | ||
| Who's the guy that they're like... | ||
| I think they sold them to another place. | ||
| That's what you do because no one working there will be like... | ||
| Whatever happened with that one? | ||
| There was one in SeaWorld. | ||
| So, the four fatal attacks by orcas in captivity, Tilikum was involved in three. | ||
| So he killed three people. | ||
| He's the one from Blackfish, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, he killed three people. | ||
| Damn, he's got three bodies on him. | ||
| Why wasn't Tilikum put down? | ||
| Branchu's family and animal rights activists say they do not want to see Tilikum killed. | ||
| How do you say that name? | ||
| Brancho? | ||
| Brancho? | ||
| Brancho's sister Diane Gross told the Associated Press that the trainer loved the animals like they were her children. | ||
| It would not want anything done to that whale, even though it killed her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get over it, lady. | ||
| That thing's murdering people. | ||
| Yeah, it killed your kid. | ||
| If you're the family members of one of those people... | ||
| You don't want that will killed? | ||
| First of all, you should really let it go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because you're holding it in captivity against its will, and it's a super intelligent behemoth of the sea. | ||
| It didn't die until it had a lung infection. | ||
| Damn, it went down with emphysema? | ||
| So where did they take it? | ||
| They moved it somewhere after it killed three people? | ||
| Just moved in. | ||
| Imagine working at that fucking place? | ||
| And you go, who do we get? | ||
| This is the killer whale that's killed three people. | ||
| We got Tilly. | ||
| Started in Orlando. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Moved to Victoria, British Columbia. | |
| And then back to Orlando. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Damn. | ||
| That's a long trip. | ||
| He sired 21 calves throughout his life. | ||
| So that's what they want him for. | ||
| They want his jizz. | ||
| Yeah, they just want his hot orca whale jizz. | ||
| So you're not allowed to capture them anymore. | ||
| Yeah, wasn't it that show Whale Hunters all about that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| Oh, dude, it was wild. | ||
| It was on Discovery, I think, and there was just these guys going out there, and they were trying to stop people from whale hunting. | ||
| So they'd just smash into their boats and shit. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that they're saying you're not allowed to go capture them, okay? | ||
| Everybody would agree that's a good thing, right? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But you're allowed to keep them and make them breed and make you more of them. | ||
| That's like saying, no more slavery, except for the slaves you have. | ||
| And you can have kids with them, and those count. | ||
| But no new slaves. | ||
| That's almost like saying. | ||
| You can't go buy a new one, but you can keep the one you have right now and force it to breed. | ||
| Like, if they are as intelligent as us, but they just can't manipulate their environment, it's very similar. | ||
| It's not a human being, obviously, so we don't respect it and treat it the same way as we treat ourselves. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Imagine if it was a human being in the same role. | ||
| That would be insane if there was a human being that had to live in a swimming pool and do tricks. | ||
| If it's as smart as a human being. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You go insane. | ||
| They don't know how smart they are. | ||
| They really don't know. | ||
| So you think they just feel crazy the whole time? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Just out of their fucking mind. | ||
| Out of my fucking mind. | ||
| How come I have to dance to eat? | ||
| And you're trapped in a swimming pool. | ||
| You're like, where's the ocean? | ||
| But it'd just be like us in a room. | ||
| Like a pretty big room that you could run around in. | ||
| Some of them are born in captivity. | ||
| This one was captured at two years old. | ||
| It was put into one tank in Iceland, and then it was transferred. | ||
| And when it was transferred to the new tank in British Columbia, it was abused, it said, by two older female. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It says forced them into a smaller pool. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Like, get out of here! | ||
| And he's like, can I go to the medical pool? | ||
| Wow, the trainers had to keep him in the other pool for protection. | ||
| So he's probably isolated, just like a person who becomes a serial killer. | ||
| Abused, isolated. | ||
| Yeah, no wonder he's killing people. | ||
| Because he's trying to, he's flailing to get out. | ||
| He doesn't want to live like that, you fucking asshole. | ||
| So that's why he grabs a lady that's like, I think we can get him up here! | ||
| But that energy of them getting killed right before you go like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the... | |
| She goes, I think we can get it. | ||
| Guys, if you clap, I think he'll come up. | ||
| You just feel that pull, that animal strength of an orca whale, that has to be the most terrifying way to die because you are drowning, which is horrible, but number two, you're being forced down by a thing that's the size of a building. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or not that big, but it's the size of a Mack truck and it's fucking holding you down at the bottom of a pool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And you're just like... | ||
| And you're just trapped in its teeth. | ||
| So it obviously doesn't give a fuck about you. | ||
| But it's holding you in a way that you're like, well, this is it. | ||
| Rescue attempts were thwarted by the whales who refused to let Byrne go even after she was believed to have fallen unconscious in the water. | ||
| Her corpse was later retrieved with a large net, after which she was determined to be deceased. | ||
| Her death was ruled an accident. | ||
| It's murder! | ||
| That was murder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The whales were keeping her there? | |
| They were high-fiving after? | ||
| They were stopping the rescue attempts, yeah. | ||
| They damped each other up. | ||
| They wanted her dead. | ||
| After, they were like, we got her. | ||
| They wanted her dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| They're so smart, man. | ||
| Also, was she the head trainer? | ||
| The lady that got killed? | ||
| Well, she was only 20, and then I'm reading in the second one, the second one was a guy, they call him a vagrant, snuck into the pool. | ||
| Which, by the way. | ||
| And Tillicum killed him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| By the way. | ||
| Well, that's on him. | ||
| You sneak in, dude. | ||
| That is the Ace Ventura moment, where he's like, here's Snowflake. | ||
| See, now all of a sudden I'm on Tilikum's side. | ||
| That guy, fuck you. | ||
| That's on you. | ||
| That's him. | ||
| But I'm on Tilikum's side. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Why are we still allowing that? | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| If anybody's watched that movie, the Orca movie... | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Blackfin? | ||
| Oh, Blackfish? | ||
| Blackfish. | ||
| I thought you were going to say Free Willy. | ||
| I was going to go, I know, in the soundtrack. | ||
| Blackfish or have watched any of the documentaries, any of the YouTube videos that you could see about orcas in captivity. | ||
| It's crazy that that's legal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's torture. | ||
| Yeah, you're taking a thing that... | ||
| It didn't do anything. | ||
| It's a prisoner. | ||
| It's a prisoner for life. | ||
| It's also giant and needs space. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| I can't imagine feeling guilt-free owning that place. | ||
| It's literally like you being stuck in this room for the rest of your life. | ||
| And then I come out and I do a sick routine. | ||
| And then I come back in and you give me like cheeseburgers. | ||
| And I come back in here and I go like... | ||
| That new Batman bit's really hitting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, imagine. | ||
| I'm going to stuff my face and then finally I've just had enough of it. | ||
| After years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Years of daily of just that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And by the way, absolute abuse. | ||
| Because I'm sure orcas, they're smart enough that they don't always listen to commands. | ||
| Like anything with intelligence, it's not 100% going to listen to commands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because it's got to think and sometimes it doubts and sometimes like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they probably were like abusing it. | ||
| The fact that they killed her and that the other whales did look out like a fucking prison hit. | ||
| I would be like... | ||
| I don't want to speak out of turn, but if I was her family... | ||
| I'm reading back to Shamu, because I was like, why did they call them all Shamu? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The first one, not the first, but it was one of the first ones was called Shamu, and this one had an incident, too. | ||
| The woman didn't die, but... | ||
| Which, she bit the legs and hips of Annette Eckes... | ||
| A SeaWorld employee who was told to ride her as part of a film publicity event. | ||
| Shamu refused to release the woman until other workers came to the rescue and pried the orca's jaws apart with a pole. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She died four months later. | ||
| The whale, not the woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's only conditioned to perform with trainers wearing wetsuits. | ||
| So the problem is this girl got on with wearing a bikini. | ||
| Because, by the way, it was 71, so they were absolutely doing that, like, why don't you give him a sexy ride? | ||
| A sexy ride on Shamu. | ||
| Shamu loves sexy ladies. | ||
| And then Shamu was like, I am a devout Muslim. | ||
| He's like, either get a burqa on. | ||
| That's, I mean, dude. | ||
| Skin likes skin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get your dirty vagina off of me. | ||
| Yeah, you fucking weird rock monkeys touching me with your fucking land skin. | ||
| You got your feet on me. | ||
| Your dry skin. | ||
| She was only trained to do it with people wearing wetsuits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So she had previously attacked people in bikinis before. | ||
| And if you're one of those guys that is running that park and you're all sexed up on cocaine, on good 70s cocaine, and you're like, yeah, baby, you can run Shamu. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're like, hey dude, I don't think you should put her on there. | ||
| He goes, no, no, no, it's a sexy ride. | ||
| She loves sexy rides. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He pulls up and it's Trans Am. | |
| Yeah, you can ride the whales. | ||
| Because back in the 70s, they didn't give a fuck about animals. | ||
| They didn't give a fuck. | ||
| 70s and 80s? | ||
| Dude, one of my... | ||
| Faircoats, bro. | ||
| Dude, Milo and Otis. | ||
| There was a movie called Milo and Otis in the 80s and 90s. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's a movie about a puppy and a dog that love each other, right? | ||
| My favorite episode of Legion of Skanks ever is... | ||
| I wasn't even on it. | ||
| Luis J. Gomez talks about it and gets teared up because he loves the movie so much. | ||
| I think he was drunk on the podcast. | ||
| It's like, if you watched it in your childhood, it sticks with you. | ||
| It's a movie about a dog and a cat from 86. And it's like... | ||
| Yeah, it's about a pug and this cat and they're friends and they just go on a wild adventure through wherever they're going through, right? | ||
| And you're like, as part of my childhood, it's live action. | ||
| I remember this being like, dude, this is such a sweet movie. | ||
| You look up the animal abuse that occurred on this movie and I can't even watch this because it upsets me knowing there's, I think you can look it up, there was a scene involving a cat where they killed like Oh my god. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| You read about it and you're like... | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Once they did that episode on Skanks and then I read about it because I was listening to the episode playing video games and I was like, I gotta look this up. | ||
| It fucked me up. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's the animal welfare allegations. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| They probably aren't going into the details, but you can find the details online. | ||
| But they were like... | ||
| Because you see it and you're like, oh, look at that. | ||
| An animal and a cat. | ||
| Friends. | ||
| Isn't that like the idea of like... | ||
| If you ran like... | ||
| A billionaire pedophile business. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| You did it through an animation company. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Isn't it kind of like that? | ||
| Well, the Nickelodeon thing, where that guy got busted. | ||
| That guy... | ||
| Jay and I talked about it on the bonfire before I left, but this guy at Nickelodeon, he was like on... | ||
| Remember the show Head of the Class? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Yeah, this guy, his name's Dan something, and he was a higher up at Nickelodeon, and it found out that he was just like, like wildly abusing everyone, like feet pictures. | ||
| Dude, his pool at his house, this guy, Dan Schneider, this guy, his pool at his house is afoot. | ||
| And he was accused of having a crazy foot fetish. | ||
| If you have a crazy foot fetish, don't make your pool a foot. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, there's a series. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I learned all my shit from bad documentaries. | ||
| The problem is, if you get busted for something like that, and you look like that, everyone's gonna believe you did it. | ||
| Yeah, but you got a pedophile face like a motherfucker. | ||
| He's got that face! | ||
| Yeah, some deviant shit. | ||
| You know who else had that? | ||
| Was the guy that did all the boy bands in Orlando, Lou... | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Lou Pearlman. | ||
| Lou Pearlman, you're just like, yeah, you abused kids. | ||
| Like, you see a picture of them? | ||
| Bro, the best one is Jimmy Savile. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Just a bunch of hot boys screaming like they're all having a good time. | ||
| He's like, yeah! | ||
| He's just nutting. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He looks like a Philip Seymour Hoffman wore a fat suit and played an evil guy. | ||
| It was on worse heroin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was on mean heroin. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But Jimmy Savile was like... | ||
| The creepiest looking creep of all time. | ||
| By the way, he did shit that was in the documentary. | ||
| I don't even know if they brought it up. | ||
| He would fuck with kids that were dying on the step of death, maybe even past. | ||
| Oh my God, that is an evil man. | ||
| And also, who wears a mesh shirt like that when you're all old and got turkey skin? | ||
| A freak, a sexual freak. | ||
| And he had his own supply of kids, and he's sexually abusing these kids. | ||
| And these kids are like, dude, I'm dying! | ||
| I got fucking leukemia, and I gotta fuck this weird-looking dude? | ||
| But imagine that other people knew. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they protected it. | ||
| That's the worst part. | ||
| There's no way no one knew that he was fucking kids. | ||
| No, it's like the Sandusky thing in Penn State, where there were people that kind of found out about it, and then were scared that if they said anything, they'd lose their job. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you're like, well, that's where the power comes in. | ||
| It's not necessarily a clean and cut situation. | ||
| Thing, morality-wise, I mean, obviously it is. | ||
| I think you say, if you see something, you say. | ||
| But, like, those people, kind of who are next to that kind of power, well, they have that thing in them that they want to be close to that power. | ||
| They have that, like, thirst to be close to that power, so they're not going to say anything. | ||
| Because if they say anything, they're kicked out of the party. | ||
| And they don't want to get, you know? | ||
| When in reality, guys like him should be hunted for sport by... | ||
| And then you put that on cable. | ||
| And I watch that. | ||
| And you get really rich. | ||
| Yeah, you get really rich hunting bad people. | ||
| And you go like, I want to see Jimmy Savile. | ||
| Bro, imagine if we did have the ability to film things in HD from the sky. | ||
| Where you never interacted. | ||
| You could do the entire show. | ||
| It's common. | ||
| And it's Jimmy Savile gets let loose, and one of those kids is 18 now. | ||
| Oh, yes, baby. | ||
| And he's got a battle axe. | ||
| And it's him and his dad, so it's like a bonding experience. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Or you get the guy, Larry Nassar from Michigan State. | ||
| I just watched that video of the dad trying to attack him in court. | ||
| That'll fire you up when you see a dad be like, can I get a minute with him? | ||
| And the judge is like... | ||
| You know, I can't do that. | ||
| He does that move, and then he gets like this guy. | ||
| And it's completely understandable. | ||
| Larry Nassar's a piece of shit. | ||
| What happened to that guy? | ||
| Did he get in trouble? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| By the way, shout out his daughters for being proud the entire time of him. | ||
| They don't ever break. | ||
| They watch it, and they're like, thanks, Dad. | ||
| He just wanted to get his hands on Larry Nassar. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| That one's wild. | ||
| That guy got some air. | ||
| That dude can fucking jump, man. | ||
| That was a full Goldberg spear in the air. | ||
| That was not instantaneous. | ||
| He was preparing for that. | ||
| Did he back pivot? | ||
| Did he go like... | ||
| No, he just went for it, man. | ||
| It was so fast. | ||
| There's a moment where you wonder if he goes like this. | ||
| It was so fast. | ||
| Watch how fast he moves. | ||
| Here he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Gets her, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Bro, he jumped over the whole desk. | ||
| Whatever prison he gets put in, you're hoping there's a longest yard situation where you can use this guy on the field. | ||
| That guy's going to be a hero. | ||
| Yeah, he's going to go in and be like, damn, you got her too. | ||
| Because he got him. | ||
| It was an arm tackle. | ||
| He got her. | ||
| Did you see what they did to him, though, the next time they brought him in? | ||
| Yeah, they muzzled him and kept him like Hannibal Lecter. | ||
| Like Hannibal Lecter. | ||
| Yeah, show how they brought him in the second time. | ||
| Look at how they brought him in. | ||
| Which, you should have entrance music like a fighter. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They gave him a net. | ||
| He's chained. | ||
| His hands are in bags. | ||
| He can't use his fingers. | ||
| He's handcuffed and shackled. | ||
| And they got seven guys around him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wild, man. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Look at his eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| You know what? | ||
| You hear that thing... | ||
| Imagine being him right now. | ||
| But you hear that thing where the judge goes like... | ||
| From what I read, he was prepared to get paroled, I think. | ||
| That's where he was in his head. | ||
| And the judge is like, no, no, no. | ||
| You're staying for five more years. | ||
| And he's like, fuck that shit. | ||
| That is such an instantaneous... | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know what he did. | ||
| I don't know what the situation was. | ||
| But in that moment of being told like, nah, nah, nah, you're... | ||
| He had just been doing a speech. | ||
| I remember hearing it. | ||
| He said he had not been committing crimes anymore. | ||
| He's rehabilitated. | ||
| And she's like, nope. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| She did the Dikembe Mutombo and she's like, no, no, no. | ||
| What was he being tried for? | ||
| Like, what was he there for? | ||
| Convictive? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll pull up the video again. | |
| Battery? | ||
| No way, not that guy. | ||
| That guy doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body. | ||
| Dude, but by the way, that is a fucking hell of a defense. | ||
| Battery on a protective... | ||
| Oh, that's the one we got for the... | ||
| Oh, that's what he got for her? | ||
| That's what we got for the judge. | ||
| For jumping at the... | ||
| They hit him with the book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They hit him with so many charges. | ||
| And it's a viral video. | ||
| They have to put a stop to that. | ||
| Yeah, it's like streakers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like they're like, they don't show them on TV. Right. | ||
| And then when they do catch them, they're like, we got to hit you with something. | ||
| We got to hit you with something big. | ||
| I was at the Super Bowl and the streakers that got there... | ||
| Did you see the one guy bet on himself? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's immediately what I said to Che when we were at the game. | ||
| I was like, dude, those guys put a bet down that they would do this, and they're going to make a lot of money off this. | ||
| That's pretty wild. | ||
| Because why not? | ||
| You'd be like, I bet there'll be a streaker in the third quarter, and then you're like, I can affect that. | ||
| That's pretty wild. | ||
| My favorite's that all these betting sites now allow wrestling. | ||
| As a lifelong wrestling fan, I'm like, come on, guys. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Like, you're watching Monday Night Raw, and they're like, Monday Night Raw, DraftKings! | ||
| And you're like, this is fake. | ||
| This is predetermined. | ||
| How is that legal? | ||
| Do you guys keep trying to ruin gambling forever? | ||
| Dude, also, what's next? | ||
| You're gonna bet on Fast and Furious movies? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| I bet Vin hits Nas in the first fucking hour of the movie. | ||
| You're like, this is fucking wild. | ||
| You're watching, you're going to bet on plays, on like Broadway plays, where you're like, you know, funny girl, I bet she has a problem at the end of act one. | ||
| It's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| And I love wrestling, but I would never be like, oh, finally. | ||
| My favorite thing was coming up with gambling for my friends when we watched the Royal Rumble. | ||
| Like you put money in a pot and then you get numbers and then that's your guy. | ||
| But not like going on an app and putting down like a thousand bucks. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I think guys get super addicted to that too. | ||
| It's gambling. | ||
| Yeah, it's 100% gambling. | ||
| You ask people that went to Gamblers Anonymous, people that have been through the program through that, and they'll be like, Fuck heroin. | ||
| Well, they say it does the most damage. | ||
| It does the most damage out of all the addictions. | ||
| Heroin is a set price. | ||
| There's no set price with gambling. | ||
| And by the way, the more you go up, the higher the high and lower the low. | ||
| So you're doing big, big bets. | ||
| If you get fucked, you're fucked. | ||
| Sure, if you win, it's amazing. | ||
| But then all you do is you just want to go do it again. | ||
| People don't walk away. | ||
| It's like dealing drugs. | ||
| People never walk away from that shit. | ||
| They never win. | ||
| The house always wins. | ||
| They're gonna take your money. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Always. | ||
| They're not... | ||
| They have the smartest... | ||
| Dude, I had a buddy when I first moved out east. | ||
| I lived with my buddy Morgan in New Jersey. | ||
| And he loved... | ||
| He loved the taste. | ||
| And this was like when you had to go to a bookie and shit. | ||
| So he was like doing some real gambling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He would get so fucking into it. | |
| But then he was right. | ||
| He would yell this thing all the time when he would bet on the points and the points would hit to fuck him. | ||
| He would be like, they're from the future! | ||
| They're from the fucking future! | ||
| He would scream if he lost a $1,000 bet on the Knicks. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, they have the smartest guys working for them. | ||
| They know how to set the line. | ||
| All those guys are fucking crazy smart. | ||
| They're crazy smart and they use analytics. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You're going against Wall Street. | ||
| You're going against guys that probably could be making millions on Wall Street. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're just like, yeah, I think the Chiefs are going to win. | ||
| Dude, the worst was gambling has got... | ||
| It was in Vegas, so, you know, obviously there's more gambling. | ||
| But the Super Bowl... | ||
| If your team's in the Super Bowl, you fucking care. | ||
| But I've been to two Super Bowls and what I've learned is there's a lot of people there that don't give a shit. | ||
| They just want to go to a Super Bowl. | ||
| They're just at a Super Bowl. | ||
| They don't care who the teams are as someone who does care who the team is. | ||
| It's a different Viewing experience, right? | ||
| So the fourth quarter of the Niners Chiefs game. | ||
| I'm a diehard Niners fan. | ||
| I am like Sweating I'm like chain. | ||
| I are like punching each other in weird ways Like we're just like we're just like this the whole time. | ||
| We're like holding hands. | ||
| It was fucking nuts These fucking guys in front of us were just these like business CEOs from North Carolina. | ||
| Oh And as they got drunk, they noticed Che, because he's on SNL, so they know a famous guy. | ||
| So they kind of were doing that thing where they wanted to talk to us, but we were like, dude, it's the fucking Super Bowl. | ||
| We're watching the Super Bowl. | ||
| This is big for us. | ||
| We're 49ers fans. | ||
| Can we watch this? | ||
| And by the fourth quarter, the guy goes... | ||
| Yeah, I've got to parlay if Brandon Ayuk can get two more catches. | ||
| And I just put my hand in front of his face and I went, no, I don't want to talk to you, right? | ||
| He was turned around talking to me and you're like, stop! | ||
| Because he thinks I care about his bets. | ||
| You're like, dude, I love this team. | ||
| We are almost at the mountaintop. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| About... | ||
| It's like having a party over your house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it's just the wrong person shows up and just camps out in front of you and starts talking to you. | ||
| And you're like, do you not understand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And I give too much of a shit about the 49ers because it was the only thing my dad and I shared. | ||
| So I give like that extra... | ||
| Oh, extra. | ||
| Like... | ||
| This is connected. | ||
| Like Boston with the Red Sox. | ||
| It's like, yeah, it is. | ||
| National identity. | ||
| It's a disease more than it is an enjoyment. | ||
| It's like a thing, like, I see that logo and I'm like, what? | ||
| I just fucking care so much. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Last season, they played the Eagles in the NFC Championship game, and all my friends are from Philly. | ||
| A lot of my comedy friends are Eagles fans. | ||
| Big J, Vecchione, fucking Shane, Tommy. | ||
| There's so many guys I know that love the Eagles, but specifically Big J. And Big J's like, dude, I'm having a party. | ||
| Come over and watch it. | ||
| And I was like, no. | ||
| I care way too much. | ||
| I care way too much. | ||
| And it was just him, Eagles fans, and then friends that didn't give a shit. | ||
| And that's what I said. | ||
| I was like, I know there's going to be one person that talks to me that I'm like, please don't talk to me right now. | ||
| But also, I'm the enemy over there. | ||
| So then I watched it at home. | ||
| Worst decision I've ever had in my life. | ||
| Because I watched it alone, and I just went like crazy like an orca whale. | ||
| I was just like screaming at a TV by myself. | ||
| I'd do that if I watch fights. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, if I watch a good UFC at home, I'm screaming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially if I shut the door. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| It's pure enjoyment. | ||
| It's the sports viewing equivalent of walking around your hotel naked. | ||
| You're like, no one can come in here, this is my room, and I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want right now. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| And if you're live and you're screaming, it just seems normal. | ||
| But you want one other person there. | ||
| You want a person... | ||
| All I had was my dog, and she didn't understand... | ||
| Why you were yelling? | ||
| Why I was so fucking hyped up. | ||
| And when Brock Purdy's elbow got injured, she just saw me spiraling away. | ||
| You know when dogs can tell you're anxious or whatever? | ||
| She's just like slamming her body into my leg and shaking, and I'm like, no, no, no, it's all right, it's all right. | ||
| We're fucking still in this thing. | ||
| My dog is so sweet that he freaks out when there's violence in movies. | ||
| We're watching movies together. | ||
| We're watching this new Netflix show. | ||
| What is this new Netflix show? | ||
| It's a Korean series about people that get infected and they become monsters. | ||
| I think it's called Sweet Home or something like that. | ||
| Sounds badass. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| It's a fun show. | ||
| But there's some violent moments where the monsters get people and the dog is like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| He gets up and he starts spinning around. | ||
| That's his sweet home. | ||
| Fun show, man. | ||
| Dogs having anxiety about stuff they don't understand. | ||
| He got a toy. | ||
| He's bringing the toy to me. | ||
| I'm like, dude, it's not real, man. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| Dude, my dog, whenever a dog comes on the screen, Because she's like, what the fuck? | ||
| Like, someone's in her house. | ||
| Like, we'll just be chilling there. | ||
| And then she'll try to, like, Shane came over and was hanging out. | ||
| It was the first time he met Myrtle. | ||
| And I think my dog was, like, trying to impress him. | ||
| Because most of the time she'll look up and be like, and you're like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| But this one, she was like, Like ran to the TV. We're like, you're not big. | ||
| Stop acting big. | ||
| If that dog was in this room, it would fuck your shit up. | ||
| Also, she only barks at cute dogs. | ||
| If it's like a hellhound or something, she's like, nah, I'm good. | ||
| She just completely passed it over. | ||
| She's like, nah, I'm not fucking around about that. | ||
| The first time Marshall saw the American Werewolf in London, he barked at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, in there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that thing. | ||
| If you're a dog, that has to be terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, he saw it. | ||
| He just went, whoa! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he cool with it now? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He knows it's not real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| But that first time, he's like... | ||
| The first time, he's like... | ||
| And he hardly ever barks. | ||
| Does Carl... | ||
| One of his first barks ever, I think. | ||
| Carl saw it and was like... | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| You make noise? | ||
| Hey, cool. | ||
| Dude, that is great that you have a dog that you don't know if it barks or not. | ||
| Marshall never barks. | ||
| He'll bark if he wants to come inside, like if someone leaves him outside for a bit, and he comes to the door, he'll bark. | ||
| He'll like one bark. | ||
| Like, Mom! | ||
| Dad! | ||
| Someone's here! | ||
| Yeah, Dad! | ||
| We wrote it. | ||
| We were like, because we got her during the pandemic, so everyone was inside in New York, and so we're like, don't bark. | ||
| We live in an apartment. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| And then, hilariously, Katie and I left the dog with her parents in Boston, and Oh no! | ||
| And we came back, and the dog's barking, and her mom rules, and her mom just in a boxing accent goes, she barks now. | ||
| And you're like, well, no, I don't think we want that. | ||
| We've tried hard not to do that. | ||
| And now she'll just like, she'll pop off for random shit, like people in the hallway. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Because we live in a big building, so someone will be out in the hallway, and she'll be like, what? | ||
| And just that. | ||
| And then it's the little grumbles. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| God damn it, dude. | ||
| I'm so jealous you can go everywhere with Carl. | ||
| I wish I could bring my fat little bitch everywhere with me. | ||
| Yeah, Carl can go anywhere. | ||
| Carl will just sit in your lap. | ||
| Yeah, Carl's just like... | ||
| Especially if you time it right. | ||
| Oh, Jamie, you get to get so evil if you want to and then you can just have like a dog where you're like, that is correct. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I fucking... | ||
| Having a dog was the greatest thing about the pandemic was we got a dog and it has made my life It just rules. | ||
| Dogs are amazing. | ||
| It just absolutely rules. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| I had one growing up, and then I just didn't forever. | ||
| And I was always like, no, I loved seeing dogs, but then having one, you're like... | ||
| You know what's really funny? | ||
| I always try to attribute human thought to the dog sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I'm like, one of these days is going to get bored chasing this ball. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| There's not a chance in hell. | ||
| Every time I have one of those, it's like a stick with a scoop on the end of it that the ball goes in. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you get the highlight of that shit. | ||
| Yeah, you highlight the shit out of it. | ||
| Yeah, you got a fucking dog highlight. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Yeah, you can get that thing going. | ||
| He fucking loves that thing. | ||
| When he sees me pull that thing, he's like... | ||
| I videotaped it because it's so silly. | ||
| He's like bouncing around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus! | |
| We do it every fucking day! | ||
| If someone controlled my PlayStation intake and then just pulled out a controller, I'd be like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ho! | |
| Ho! | ||
| Are we going to play Rocket League? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ho! | |
| I guess that's what it is, right? | ||
| Because you never don't get pumped to play a really good game. | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, Spider-Man 2. I'm so excited that they're coming out with DLCs coming and I'm going to go home and be like, that's me. | ||
| I'm like Marshall with the toy. | ||
| Hey, have you fucked around with VR at all? | ||
| No, I don't like that shit. | ||
| Let me explain why. | ||
| Old school pothead. | ||
| Loved to be very high. | ||
| I like controllers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What I got was a Steam Deck, which is like... | ||
| You know the Nintendo Switch? | ||
| It's like that on steroids. | ||
| And it gets games like really good games for the road. | ||
| It has made it... | ||
| Because I've fucked with everything from Game Boy on. | ||
| And having a Steam Deck, I got it for Christmas. | ||
| I was like, this is the greatest thing I've ever had. | ||
| I had to draw the line with video games. | ||
| When we had, we set up a LAN. Yeah, you get that. | ||
| Back at the old studio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I got the bug again bad. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Where I was like- I mean, it is. | ||
| Running in there to play Quake. | ||
| Yeah, turn your brain off. | ||
| Couldn't wait. | ||
| Yeah, turn the- But always feel like shit when you leave. | ||
| Like, what the fuck did I just do? | ||
| You gotta do it in small servings. | ||
| Or there has to be a purpose to it where you're done at this moment. | ||
| Because if you can go, that's where you get sick. | ||
| It's just if you can just keep going until... | ||
| You need an ending point. | ||
| That's why I like Madden. | ||
| The game ends. | ||
| You're like, I played two games. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| I should walk away from this. | ||
| With Quake, you could play death matches where you have five, six guys in a room and you're all killing each other. | ||
| And you respawn and it gets up to a certain amount of deaths. | ||
| Well, dude, I absolutely love video games. | ||
| When I moved to New York, I was like, I'm done with them. | ||
| And then six months later, I was like, where can I get a cheap Xbox 360? | ||
| I need to plug back in. | ||
| But yeah, I mean, Shane and I on my podcast were just talking about NCAA college football is coming out. | ||
| And we're, I think, going to plan a vacation around playing it because it's a game that hasn't been out since 2014. How does the new Apple... | ||
| What is it called again? | ||
| Vision Pro. | ||
| Vision Pro work. | ||
| Does it work? | ||
| I know it works with movies, but does it have to be everything from the App Store, or could you play PlayStation on it? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You can play PlayStation? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's a way... | ||
| I've seen people connect... | ||
| If you could do that, then you're watching augmented reality PlayStation. | ||
| That's the way to get me in VR. Yeah, you're seeing a screen that's like fucking 30 feet wide, and you're on the field. | ||
| Yeah, dude, I would love to be... | ||
| And you got a remote controller, just like you do with your regular game. | ||
| You know, I grew up with the Miami Dolphins coach, Mike McDaniel. | ||
| It'd be fun to play Madden and just be standing next to him in VR with a controller. | ||
| I'm like, run the goddamn play, Mike! | ||
| Dude, I fenced with Mark Zuckerberg, and we weren't anywhere near each other. | ||
| He was on one side of the room, like 15 feet away. | ||
| Wait, you did this? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, this is the best example I can show you, is that, like, they're playing Red Dead Redemption 2 on a big screen, but this is the Yosemite environment that the Apple headset puts you in. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Oh wow, so the sky is dark? | ||
| Cause here's the thing, Red Dead, Rockstar did such an incredible job. | ||
| Look at that, that's insane! | ||
| I would... | ||
| Shit. | ||
| By the way, there's scenes where you're out... | ||
| Look how big it is, too. | ||
| It's your entire field of view. | ||
| Yeah, and you can look around and just see... | ||
| That's about the most you could do right now. | ||
| But that must be amazing, when your entire field of view is taken up by the game... | ||
| And in moments like this, like Red Dead, there's moments where you're in like the desert or where you're in like a rainstorm up in the mountains. | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| Can you play Quake on that? | ||
| Dude, you know what it is? | ||
| You're like one of those people you go, I don't party anymore. | ||
| And then like two hours later you go. | ||
| You got it from Peru? | ||
| I'm just going to do a gummer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look how flaky it is. | |
| Is that pure? | ||
| I saw your reaction to those screens in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| The big 55-inch screens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I have one of those at home, and I try to play Call of Duty on it. | ||
| There is a level of it's too big. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you mean it's too big? | ||
| Have you ever played Call of Duty in front? | ||
| Have you ever gotten really close to the screen to play? | ||
| Yeah, when we moved into our apartment, we put the wrong TV in the bedroom, and Katie plays Call of Duty, and she was playing video games. | ||
| She's like, this is too much! | ||
| This is too much! | ||
| Because the screen was like fucking on it. | ||
| So we were like, oh yeah, we switched it out. | ||
| I remember back in the Quake playing days that guys didn't like, some guys didn't like monitors that were more than 21 inches. | ||
| They wanted it right in front of them, because you're moving your mouse, right? | ||
| Oh damn, I didn't know Quake was a keyboard and mouse game. | ||
| That's like some real shit. | ||
| That's the real shit. | ||
| That's the scary shit. | ||
| You get really good at the movement with the keys, and you get really good with your cursor, and you know how to jump, and every time you hit the spacebar, you're jumping. | ||
| Yeah, that's like Counter-Strike. | ||
| People used to be into Counter-Strike. | ||
| But Quake is really fast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The thing about Quake is it's superhuman speeds. | ||
| You're moving at superhuman speeds with rocket launchers. | ||
| Oh, hell yeah. | ||
| And you can instantaneously change weapons. | ||
| You rocket someone in the air and you electrocute them to death. | ||
| It's insanity. | ||
| If you could do that, like that, on that kind of a screen... | ||
| I don't know, but I'll tell you what. | ||
| I'm looking up Quake 4 on my Steam Deck. | ||
| It's when I go to my hotel. | ||
| It's a keyboard mouse. | ||
| You really want a keyboard and a mouse. | ||
| Yeah, it's tough. | ||
| You don't want to fuck with it. | ||
| You need really precise movement. | ||
| Find a good one with good graphics. | ||
| The thing I'm trying to show you is how close some people put their face to their screen. | ||
| Yeah, they get right up on that. | ||
| I would imagine if you're controlling a 21-inch space and you are very accustomed to moving your cursor around a 21-inch space with your mouse, right? | ||
| You're moving it around. | ||
| You're very precise. | ||
| If you stretch that bitch out to 40 inches or 45 or 50, now you're doing this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That does matter. | ||
| So it's all in one field of vision. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right there. | |
| You really want it like a 21-inch monitor, I think. | ||
| 24 to 27 is the sweet spot. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| Bam, bam, bam. | ||
| And then you've got to get glued onto that screen. | ||
| Because you don't want to go back and forth to screens. | ||
| It's going to fuck with your timing. | ||
| Yeah, you need something that's consistent. | ||
| Yeah, you need to consider. | ||
| Those guys are fucking freaks with their mouse sensitivity and the weight of the mouse. | ||
| They add weights to the mouse. | ||
| They take weights away. | ||
| Some of them like lighter mouses. | ||
| They make mouses that are hollow to take as much weight out of them as possible. | ||
| So these guys make custom... | ||
| Gaming mice. | ||
| Mice. | ||
| Mice. | ||
| Find the lightweight gaming mice. | ||
| They literally, like you know what they do with race cars? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They take everything out, anything that weighs anything. | ||
| They drill holes in the door handles. | ||
| They do that. | ||
| Look at these mice. | ||
| Hybrid, dude. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They're like skeletons. | ||
| Those ones, that's $170. | ||
| Oh, dude, some of them are more than that. | ||
| It's at Pwnage. | ||
| Some of them are more than that. | ||
| I love that it's called Pwnage. | ||
| Yeah, do $495. | ||
| See that one in the lower right-hand side? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It says Eurogamer, Jamie. | ||
| The right-hand middle. | ||
| Yeah, that one. | ||
| Oh, right there, that lightweight in the middle row. | ||
| That's my style. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| And so what you're hitting, because I know, are you using the wheel on the top? | ||
| I use the wheel to switch weapons. | ||
| Sometimes I use the reel for a rail gun. | ||
| So when I know I want to hit the rail gun, I just turn the wheel and it turns into the rail gun instantly. | ||
| So I have keys pressed that are all set up exactly for each weapon. | ||
| I feel like a coke head talking to a crack head. | ||
| I do blow, and you go, I smoke it out of glass after it's a rock, and I'm like, this is nuts. | ||
| Yeah, right key is all rocket launcher, always. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Keep that thing on rocket launcher. | ||
| Right key is rocket launcher. | ||
| Left key is fire. | ||
| And how long the games last? | ||
| Like you said they're fast, but like five minutes fast or like... | ||
| Well, there's a timer. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So like if you're having a one-on-one deathmatch, you'll set a timer and it'll count you down and then it'll say, fight. | ||
| And then you're just running through the corridor, picking up weapons, trying to pick up armor. | ||
| And then dudes know where you're at because they can hear you, because they can hear your footsteps and you're grunting as you're running. | ||
| And so you're running through these corridors. | ||
| It's always one-on-one. | ||
| One-on-one? | ||
| Well, you can do multiple deathmatches where you just have a fucking melee. | ||
| Where there's like 30 dudes just killing each other. | ||
| And you keep respawning and they kill you. | ||
| Those are fun. | ||
| Those are really fun. | ||
| But the way to do it, like one-on-one deathmatch style, is the real way to do it. | ||
| Those are the duels. | ||
| Do you have any friends that if you picked Quake 4 up, you could call them and be like, we doing this? | ||
| I wouldn't do that to them. | ||
| I wouldn't do that to them. | ||
| He wouldn't bring that back into their life? | ||
| It's too immersive, man. | ||
| It's too good. | ||
| It's too good. | ||
| And if you have responsibilities... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I mean, dude, I do my responsibilities to... | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is quick. | ||
| So it's kind of similar to Fortnite, right? | ||
| Look how fast this motherfuckers move. | ||
| So he's shooting the railgun. | ||
| Now the railgun kills you instantaneously. | ||
| The railgun is like wherever you point at, you hit. | ||
| Oh, and you got that Doom view. | ||
| This is like Doom. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And you're running like insanely fast. | ||
| Look how fast this moves. | ||
| It's fun to watch the camera on the guy because his face is doing nothing because he's so concentrated. | ||
| Yeah, and you can see how he's switching weapons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Now he's back with the railgun. | ||
| He's got a rocket launcher. | ||
| He's just flying around. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Shotgun. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Shotgun. | ||
| Killed that dude. | ||
| Now he's got the rocket. | ||
| Oh, that was the railgun. | ||
| This is the rocket. | ||
| That's the railgun. | ||
| That's the rocket launcher. | ||
| So he's just hopping around. | ||
| Do they do, like, pro tournaments of this? | ||
| Fuck yeah, they do. | ||
| This is the finals. | ||
| This is the top two guys. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So see how he keeps running back to these spots? | ||
| That means the weapons are respawning. | ||
| So every time you snatch a weapon, you have a little bit of time. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Alright, this is the closest we've seen. | ||
| Now they're shooting railguns at each other. | ||
| So a railgun is like an instantaneous death unless you're really armored up. | ||
| Did he kill that guy? | ||
| It's 11 to 3. So whoever liquid RPH is. | ||
| He fucked that dude up, but that dude had to run and get some more shit. | ||
| So he had to run and get health. | ||
| So now he knows where he is. | ||
| Now he's chasing him. | ||
| How good did you get at this? | ||
| I got dead. | ||
| Decent. | ||
| You got decent, but you'd get on and then see some guys... | ||
| No, I get fucked up. | ||
| I get fucked up all the time. | ||
| When you play online games, you'll go against people, and you're like, oh, you're at a different level. | ||
| You don't have the time to compete with some autistic dude who's on ADHD medication, who doesn't have a job, who gets a government check, and he's just rocking people online. | ||
| It's like that South Park where they play World of Warcraft, and their villain is that guy that's like... | ||
| Those wrist brace on? | ||
| Those guys get good. | ||
| And their identity wraps around whatever their name is and they're going out fucking people up. | ||
| There's certain guys that you would see on a server and you're like, oh no. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you have a match with them. | ||
| You just get killed like 100 to nothing. | ||
| Do you get that thing where you're like, stop! | ||
| Oh yeah, you get panicky. | ||
| You're running into walls trying to find armor. | ||
| Boom, getting blown up again. | ||
| Do they have videos of them freaking out? | ||
| Because that's something I like to see is gamers spazzing and being like, what the fuck? | ||
| Oh, there's a lot of those on Twitch, right? | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It's almost better than sports fans losing it and punching TVs. | ||
| Well, it's so crazy and you can do it anytime you want. | ||
| So you could have a match anytime you want. | ||
| That's too tempting. | ||
| Online with real people. | ||
| Anytime you want. | ||
| You log in, you see a server, you join the server, boom. | ||
| Yeah, you're in it. | ||
| There's one-on-one deathmatches where there's people waiting. | ||
| So you'll look, you'll find a server, you're like, one guy's waiting. | ||
| Deathslayer69 is waiting. | ||
| And he's just like... | ||
| And you spawn, and they'll start talking shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you, bitch. | |
| And you got the keyboard so you can talk quick shit. | ||
| Fuck you, bitch. | ||
| Do we have to... | ||
| We'll play online Rocket League or whatever, which is like car soccer, and it's fun. | ||
| This guy's playing. | ||
| He's doing lots of rage right here, too. | ||
| Yeah, I rage a lot at Rocket League. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| I've played this for years. | ||
| It's like soccer? | ||
| It's soccer with cars, which sounds... | ||
| Dude, it is so addictive. | ||
| We get online at night, and Katie and her brother Kevin are both really good at it, and I'm like, I get too intense, and I'm like, fuck! | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| And I'll miss the ball and be like, fuck! | ||
| And I'll rage out. | ||
| But you'll play guys that you're like, oh, this guy's too good. | ||
| He'll hit it in the air, and then just over you, just score a goal, and you're like, what are you doing? | ||
| Yeah, there's tricks people can do in Quake. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
| Like guys that get so good at it that you're like... | ||
| Guys rocket jump. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| When you rocket jump, so if you are fully armored, so if you have 200 armor, you can point your rocket down at the ground and jump at the same time as you pull the trigger and you go flying. | ||
| Oh, that's genius. | ||
| So you can rocket launch and rocket jump up to like a platform and then hide. | ||
| And then just start picking bitches apart. | ||
| And so everybody that walks in, you got the railgun, you got your cursor pointed right at the doorway, and every time people run in the doorway, boom! | ||
| Out, respawn. | ||
| That's how it is when I watch people play Call of Duty. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you're just picking people off. | ||
| Campers. | ||
| People get very mad at campers. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| But it's a fucking... | ||
| Look, you're gonna get mad at snipers in a war? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| That's the part of the war. | ||
| What, are you mad at a sniper? | ||
| Snipers are cheating? | ||
| Stop camping. | ||
| He's like, I'm a sniper. | ||
| Was cheating big back when you were playing? | ||
| Oh yeah, there's bots. | ||
| So they would like... | ||
| People would program. | ||
| There was different bots, and one of them was an aim bot. | ||
| So what the aim bot would do is you could never miss. | ||
| So just with a regular stupid gun that only does 10 points of damage every time it hits you, you get a pistol when you start. | ||
| You're minimally armed. | ||
| That's why you're going around getting the guns. | ||
| It's very difficult to kill a fully armored guy with a pistol or a rifle or whatever you get. | ||
| So then you have to run and grab them. | ||
| You have to run and grab a rocket launcher. | ||
| It's like, what are those sweepstakes? | ||
| The Superstore sweepstakes where they're like, go! | ||
| And you're just like going through. | ||
| You're just running through, trying to gather up as much shit. | ||
| And you know the map. | ||
| Everybody has maps memorized. | ||
| So they know when things are spawning. | ||
| And some of them even have prompts that tell them, you know, health spawns in 30 seconds. | ||
| So every time they pass over armor, armor respawns. | ||
| And they have it all listed on the map, and they're running around. | ||
| And the guys would have these aim bots, and they could never miss. | ||
| So they would kill you, and every time they'd kill you, they would be fully armored, they'd have all the weapons, and then they'd know exactly where you were gonna be, and then they would kill you again, and they'd kill you again, and kill you again, and you couldn't, every now and then they would die, and they would respawn, and they would kill you again, because they couldn't miss. | ||
| I would love to just talk. | ||
| Is this an aimbot? | ||
| This is all sorts of, at the beginning of this video, which you were talking about. | ||
| This is Call of Duty? | ||
| Yeah, it shows you the cheats you can buy and how you can subscribe to them per month. | ||
| Oh, so you pay a company and they give you all that shit? | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| Oh, that made me mad. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And how do you prevent that? | ||
| You don't. | ||
| Bro, Call of Duty's a lot quicker than I thought it was. | ||
| That's fast as shit. | ||
| This game gets very fast. | ||
| When they do multiplayers, there's one game... | ||
| That's almost Quake-like. | ||
| Yeah, there's one level where they're doing like storage units that I watch. | ||
| Shipment. | ||
| Yeah, shipment. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| And it's like nonstop. | ||
| Like you just like turn a corner, you're dead. | ||
| Shoot, dead. | ||
| Like that fast. | ||
| But I remember one time, laser tag, back in the laser tag days. | ||
| Laser tag! | ||
| I camped. | ||
| One time. | ||
| You were a laser tag camper? | ||
| I camped at laser tag. | ||
| I just sat by the charge station and every time someone would recharge, I'd be like... | ||
| We all went, you know how you go out in the lobby and they'd show your stats? | ||
| My stats were like, I'm surprised they didn't get a call from the military. | ||
| It was like 700, I had like 300 kills. | ||
| It was something wild because I was just sitting there. | ||
| I was like a shitty little nine-year-old just being You know what you want to do? | ||
| What? | ||
| You want to do the zombie experience at Sandbox. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Sandbox is a VR game place. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You go, and there's a thing called Deadwood Mansion, and then there's a new Deadwood something. | ||
| So you go to a place to do VR. They have two zombie games. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You put on the headsets, and you are in a house. | ||
| You are in this house that's getting stormed by zombies. | ||
| And everyone has something. | ||
| You either have two pistols, or you have a shotgun, or you have a rifle. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| Get the shotgun. | ||
| The shotgun is overpowered. | ||
| Sometimes they fuck up when they make a game. | ||
| Yeah, they gotta nerf a weapon. | ||
| The shotgun's overpowered. | ||
| The shotgun kills everything. | ||
| The shotgun is the weapon. | ||
| And you just stand there. | ||
| You just cha-cha-boom, cha-cha-boom. | ||
| But you're in a safe room so you don't run. | ||
| I'm just downing zombies, bro. | ||
| So you don't run into a table or anything. | ||
| Yeah, but you run into your friends, too, sometimes. | ||
| Because you're all together. | ||
| You can see each other, though. | ||
| Oh, so if you bump into it. | ||
| So literally, I would see you with your armor on. | ||
| I would know where your space is. | ||
| And we would all be moving around together. | ||
| But sometimes you bump backs into each other. | ||
| But there's zombies coming to the ceiling. | ||
| They're storming at you and clawing at you. | ||
| You see red in front of you when they get you. | ||
| As someone that has sworn off VR, this is the way to get me into it, which is saying VR zombies. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| Because it's got to be scary as shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At one time, I had the number three score for this Deadwood Mansion game. | ||
| Just sitting there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, what? | |
| Because I got the shotgun. | ||
| Did you feel it, though? | ||
| Because one of the dudes who worked there told me, get the shotgun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, really? | |
| He goes, yeah, get the shotgun. | ||
| Yeah, because you show up, he goes, hey, Joe Rogan, get the shotgun. | ||
| It's fucking over. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| It's a crazy game, dude. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| What the VR does to video games is it just heightens the emotional impact that it has on you because it's sensory. | ||
| It's kind of like deprivation tanks, but it's just putting all the senses into that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I was obsessed with this game Friday the 13th that they made back on PS4. And you would either be a counselor or Jason. | ||
| And it's just all online. | ||
| Dude, it's fucking wild. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| But what I would do is I'd smoke a fucking doink. | ||
| I would smoke a giant joint. | ||
| And then I'd turn off all the lights in my apartment and I'd play Jason. | ||
| And it's scary. | ||
| This is the guy who's Jason. | ||
| But you go around and you hunt. | ||
| See the counselors inside? | ||
| Oh my god, you're hunting counselors? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, that's a dark movie. | ||
| And that's the phone box. | ||
| That's how you call the cops. | ||
| These guys set in a trap. | ||
| He's a decent Jason. | ||
| I still play it sometimes and I got it. | ||
| I'm level 150. He set a trap at the... | ||
| So Jason is smart? | ||
| Well, you can set... | ||
| It's you. | ||
| It's all strategy. | ||
| It's you versus these counselors. | ||
| Right, but Jason can set traps. | ||
| He has five bear traps and then five throwing knives. | ||
| Doesn't that seem unrealistic that Jason would know how to set traps? | ||
| Yeah, he's a stupid mutant that drowned in the... | ||
| Yeah, he's dead. | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| But... | ||
| Shouldn't be that smart. | ||
| This game fucking... | ||
| You get so scared. | ||
| Dude, you get so scared when you're like... | ||
| Because when you're a counselor, you're just like walking around. | ||
| You're like going through drawers trying to find weapons or whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, it's just like... | ||
| In the background, it's slowly like... | ||
| And then when Jason shows up, when you're at a cabin, he'll smash the window and it's like, yeah, yeah! | ||
| And if you have headphones on, you're like, get the fuck out of here! | ||
| I'm getting all goosed up. | ||
| I'm going home. | ||
| I'm playing Jason. | ||
| If the servers are still up, I'm fucking back on it when I get home. | ||
| I have not seen it, but I have heard legend of this alien game that's on VR that's supposed to be insane. | ||
| Like Alien, the first movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like you get abducted? | |
| Oh, Alien! | ||
| Ridley Scott Alien. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| But there's an alien game. | ||
| I just watched Prometheus. | ||
| This is true? | ||
| I want to make sure this is true, because someone told me that it's a terrifying game that you can play on VR that's based on the first alien game. | ||
| Recently? | ||
| I just went through an alien kick. | ||
| No, they told me this at least a year ago, maybe more. | ||
| Probably more than a year ago. | ||
| Do you think we see in the future, do you think we see things like heart attacks and shit from VR, or is it already happening? | ||
| Like, people getting so scared that it hurts them in real life. | ||
| Well, I think if you're really vulnerable and your heart gets jacked up to like 190 beats a minute, especially if you have one of those guys on those omnidirectional treadmills they have now. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Dude, they have a surface. | ||
| It's a new surface. | ||
| It's a contained surface, like a contained space. | ||
| And whatever direction you walk in, it moves. | ||
| Oh, so it does like the topography of like... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It just stays flat. | ||
| But you can go left and right, and it goes left and right, and you back up, it backs up with you. | ||
| You stay in the same spot, but you're walking around. | ||
| And it somehow or another registers through the headset into the flooring which direction you're going, and it compensates for that. | ||
| They're gonna think we're such idiots in the future when they're like, you're just holding a controller and playing. | ||
| But, do you know what kind of good shape you would get in? | ||
| Disney updated this. | ||
| It's not available yet, but they've made one that's now, they've shown it this year. | ||
| Here's what you do. | ||
| You put ankle weights on, and you put a weighted vest on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you play one of these gun games that's like really intensive, and you get that, and you're walking around with all that weight on? | ||
| Bro, that's a fucking workout. | ||
| Also, what they should do is, you know, we got those trillions of dollars going around in our military. | ||
| The military probably has something like this developed. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They're with Boston Dynamics. | ||
| They're probably laughing at this. | ||
| Yeah, they go, you want to see our robot take down a fucking village in Columbia? | ||
| The alien game I found, if this is the correct one, is someone made the actual alien game, and they made a VR port of it, if you will. | ||
| They've sort of hacked it so that it works in VR. Oh, really? | ||
| I think that must be it. | ||
| I think that must be it. | ||
| But dude, alien. | ||
| But what I heard is it's fucking terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, because You can get scared as shit. | ||
| I mean, I got scared as shit at that Jason game and I knew what was going on. | ||
| But that one movie was scarier because there was only one alien that was smart. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| They kind of fucked that up in the second one because there was a bunch of them and they were kind of easy to kill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happened? | |
| And they also just threw it in. | ||
| They were like, and we're on the ship. | ||
| We're on this planet. | ||
| Here you go. | ||
| There's a ton of them. | ||
| I never bought the second one. | ||
| It's a great movie by itself. | ||
| Aliens is a great movie, but it's not the same thing as the first movie. | ||
| That first one was smart as fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was smart and clever. | ||
| It would wait for people and hide. | ||
| It knew how to get around you. | ||
| It knew how to attack you when you weren't looking. | ||
| And the second one- And the little mouth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was the little mouth in the second one where it came out? | ||
| Oh, they always come out. | ||
| Yeah, they come out of there. | ||
| The tongue is like a mouth and it gets you right in the head and sucks your brains out. | ||
| Did you like Prometheus? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I just watched it. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I loved the idea. | ||
| I had a problem with the idea. | ||
| I had a problem with the ending because she escapes on this... | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| She escapes on the spacecraft of the architects, like the big humans that made us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she's going back to their world She sets the course to be like, no, fuck this. | ||
| I'm going to go where these people are from that made us and made the Animorph, made the alien. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just leaves you. | ||
| It just leaves you high and dry. | ||
| Where you're like, where'd she go? | ||
| Show me that shit. | ||
| I want to see what planet all these architects are living on. | ||
| The last one was really good. | ||
| Alien 3? | ||
| What was the last? | ||
| Covenant. | ||
| Covenant was good, dude. | ||
| You know who's in that? | ||
| Jesse Smoulet. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Damn, when he pops up and stuff, you're like, oh hey! | ||
| Like Mighty Ducks? | ||
| It was on like during Christmas and it was just on in my hotel and I was like, hey, Jesse Smollett! | ||
| That's the kind of mistake that's tough to forget. | ||
| Well, it's getting caught in such a major lie. | ||
| Such a sociopathic situation where you're just doing something for attention that's so... | ||
| And you get turned on by the people that were helping you? | ||
| Where they go like, yeah, fuck that guy. | ||
| I helped him and he's a fucking dick. | ||
| And you're like, oh my god. | ||
| That's what's wild is, dude, if I got... | ||
| It's also like the way it was structured to come in with the noose still on his neck. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It's like, oh no! | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| You know, it's like murder mystery dinners, you know, where they have to oversell it, where they're like, oh, the knife is still in me! | ||
| But isn't that crazy that there's people out there that will do literally anything? | ||
| Yeah, because they're not in therapy. | ||
| They don't understand why they're reaching out for this. | ||
| But don't you think people that are that broken, like, it's not that simple. | ||
| That's so broken. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| I think what it is is it's like... | ||
| You know when there's like an infection because something's embedded in you? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But it's not the thing that's embedded in you that's causing the problem as much as it is the part of it that's infected and now it's got a different thing? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what that is, where it's like something happened to them and instead of them solving it and pulling that out, that splinter that got infected, the infection built on it and now you're dealing with six things on top of the actual problem. | ||
| That's my guess. | ||
| But that's what it feels like. | ||
| Because I've seen people go through bad shit and correct it and be okay. | ||
| And I've seen people go through kind of bad shit and then it just snowballs. | ||
| There's also this thing that people do when they do things like that where they recognize that a certain amount of bullshit... | ||
| Is tolerable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A certain amount of you exaggerating an experience and saying that you were threatened, a certain amount of that seems to be tolerated. | ||
| Where you don't want to question because then it appears that you're insensitive and you go, well, you know, and then there were so many people that stood up for that guy and like made these tweets about... | ||
| Well, we're knee-jerk reaction. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also like we don't have any information. | ||
| You don't have any information and you're acting on this, but... | ||
| The story seems so implausible Nobody wanted to say it. | ||
| Nobody wanted to say I think he made that up. | ||
| I immediately thought of When that happened, and the reaction a couple weeks later, I immediately thought of Ben Stiller in The Cable Guy, when they're doing the Menendez Brothers spoof, and they do the phone call, and he goes, I don't know who it was, but he was Asian! | ||
| And they're clearly lying on the phone call, and you're like, that's kind of how that felt to me, where you're like, dude... | ||
| You work in the arts. | ||
| You should know how to tell a better story. | ||
| Your storytelling is dog shit. | ||
| that they yeah so that's like they're spoofing They clearly killed their parents, but that was their excuse. | ||
| And you're like, someone like him, who's been a child actor, this guy's been a child actor his whole life, right? | ||
| And they know how the rollercoaster goes. | ||
| They know they're on fire, they're in Mighty Ducks, they're in fucking Alien Covenant, you know what I mean? | ||
| And then they're on a big show. | ||
| They're on a big fucking show. | ||
| And then it starts... | ||
| The tank starts running out. | ||
| Where you're like, hey, the show's running out and we're not paying you as much as you think you need to get paid. | ||
| You get desperate. | ||
| And you start being like, well, what can I do to stay up there? | ||
| How do I rocket launch? | ||
| Am I wearing enough armor to jump and rocket launch myself back up? | ||
| And he fucked up. | ||
| It was a desperate move. | ||
| A publicity move. | ||
| Yeah, being like, if this works, I am the victim. | ||
| Everyone loves a victim. | ||
| And it'll just keep being that, but then you get fucking caught, dude. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| It's just funny. | ||
| It's just the funniest shit in the world is to go like, What's up? | ||
| Like that call when they... | ||
| Dude, Ran is Easy did this awesome show in Edinburgh at Fringe in 2019 when I was there. | ||
| And he did an hour about what it was like being busted lying about 9-11. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Dude, the show gave me anxiety. | ||
| He did it beautifully. | ||
| He did it beautifully. | ||
| It was funny. | ||
| It started funny. | ||
| He was explaining how he was famous. | ||
| It was the league. | ||
| It was the last season. | ||
| And he goes into the... | ||
| And he tells you about the call from the New York Times. | ||
| Where the guy goes, I want to talk about 9-11. | ||
| And Reina Zizi was like... | ||
| Dude, the way he... | ||
| Even telling you that. | ||
| The way he describes it, you're like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| But he made it funny. | ||
| And he made it into a thing of like, I fucked up. | ||
| It was a great hour. | ||
| I hope he taped that. | ||
| I don't know if he ever taped that. | ||
| But, I mean, that feeling of like Smollett getting caught when that first thing where they go, they're not buying it. | ||
| And he's like, fuck. | ||
| I think he's maintained that he told the truth through the entire time, hasn't he? | ||
| Yeah, I think he, I think he, Did he ever say... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is where I feel bad for actors, because as comedians, we can immediately go like, I'm a fucking idiot. | ||
| Like, we can say we're wrong much easier than actors. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because actors have that, and you know, you've been around them, they have that, like... | ||
| It's like being around the queen. | ||
| There's like little rules that you can't do where you're like, I can't bust your balls because you'll take it seriously. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's just how the entertainment business is. | ||
| Like musicians act different than actors and actors act different than comedians and there's just all this stuff. | ||
| But I don't think as an actor, he can go like... | ||
| Ah, fuck, man, I was desperate. | ||
| You don't know when you're gonna get on your next show. | ||
| You don't know when you're gonna get your next gig. | ||
| If he would've just done one of those, he probably would've- But then you'd have to admit that it was true. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| And I don't think he wants to admit that it was true. | ||
| And now he's stuck in that prison forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| And now he's stuck in that thing where you're like, so you're saying something that we all, that the guys involved said that you were full of shit. | ||
| You know what's wild, though? | ||
| I guarantee you that some people believe him still. | ||
| Like, there's people that believe Cosby to the end. | ||
| That is, what a ride or die. | ||
| When that evidence comes out, it's like women that love serial killers. | ||
| You're like, you can just get there, huh? | ||
| It's like thinking that that orc is not going to turn on you after it did three. | ||
| After it killed three people and you're like, you know, my pool's a little bit bigger. | ||
| And then there's like the female vampire helper. | ||
| Like Ghislaine Maxwell is like the female vampire helper. | ||
| There is a level of evil on that whole Ghislaine Maxwell Epstein. | ||
| That's why it's such a joke right now is because it's so bad. | ||
| It's like an Epstein Island. | ||
| And you're like, oh, it's the worst of the worst. | ||
| It's like the most disgusting shit. | ||
| But it comes back to what we're talking about with billionaires. | ||
| It's like, if you got that evil person in your ear right there, you're doing some dark shit. | ||
| Looks great. | ||
| Ghislaine Maxwell looks great as she runs Florida Prison Half Marathon, does yoga and Pilates ahead of March Appeal. | ||
| Who reads that and goes, good, good. | ||
| Let her out. | ||
| Yay, let her out. | ||
| I'm glad she's running. | ||
| There's got to be people. | ||
| Her life is threatened on a level that we'll never understand. | ||
| Bro, there is no chance she stays alive if they let her out. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because the people that are... | ||
| She's gonna be writing a book, you know? | ||
| If she writes a book... | ||
| There's already a manuscript. | ||
| There's already like... | ||
| Do you think that that's why she's in prison? | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| What if she goes to prison to write a book? | ||
| Because they say the only way that this information is going to get out is if we have you locked up and we protect you and you write a book. | ||
| Dude, her information of Rolodex, of the things that have happened, can destroy people that are as powerful as our top businesses. | ||
| It will topple kings. | ||
| She has information on people. | ||
| Of course they're going to lock her up. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| Yeah, let her live in the villages in Florida. | ||
| She's fucking... | ||
| She's dangerous. | ||
| She has a dangerous amount of knowledge. | ||
| And she's probably known the clock's ticking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Release of court documents. | ||
| Expect well over 100 people connected to Epstein. | ||
| Which is just like... | ||
| Hold up. | ||
| What's the full... | ||
| She's serving 20 years in prison for luring young women, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Shared her thoughts via an attorney ahead of the release of court documents expected to name well over 100 people connected with Epstein. | ||
| Maxwell's lawyer, Arthur Idalla, said that New York Nation's Mario Cuomo... | ||
| No, not Cuomo. | ||
| Cuomo. | ||
| Chris Cuomo, right? | ||
| It's Cuomo. | ||
| Chris Cuomo. | ||
| I think it's the younger one. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, the guy who used to be on CNN. Yes. | ||
| News Nation's Cuomo that Maxwell has nothing to say about the impending release of names, but that the former socialite takes issue with the fact that the only person facing consequences over the rampant sex trafficking of young girls is a woman. | ||
| I don't think she has anything to talk about except maybe that if you look at this crime, this overall crime, it's all about men abusing women for a long period of time. | ||
| And it's only one person in jail, a woman. | ||
| Absolutely genius. | ||
| What a genius defense. | ||
| Her going like this. | ||
| So I guess it's a boys club when everyone's getting abused, but in court it's only a woman. | ||
| And you're like, well, the other guy got murdered. | ||
| Like Epstein got murdered in jail. | ||
| Maybe you should tell us who else is involved and we'll lock them up too. | ||
| Yeah, we'll throw some boy names out. | ||
| But how weird is it that no one got named? | ||
| Well, that's what I mean with... | ||
| That's how you know how much power is involved in this. | ||
| She's on a level of danger that they're like... | ||
| She's like, that's what we need to really get in our heads. | ||
| There's still an I can kill you in front of everybody and hide it in the news thing going on. | ||
| What did Putin just do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Putin just killed the journalist and was like, what are you guys going to do? | ||
| And we're like, those subways are real nice. | ||
| What was that guy's name? | ||
| Navalny? | ||
| Yeah, I always fuck it up. | ||
| I've only read it. | ||
| That guy seemed to be not like the sweetest of dudes either, right? | ||
| Everyone's dirty. | ||
| Everyone's a human being. | ||
| That's the whole point. | ||
| There's danger on... | ||
| Was he a nationalist? | ||
| I think he just spoke out against Putin. | ||
| The crazy one that I'm still obsessed with is the dude that tried to overthrow Putin. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| When they were moving in with an army? | ||
| Let's get to this guy first. | ||
| Alexei... | ||
| Russian... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alexei... | |
| Navalny was a Russian opposition leader, lawyer, anti-corruption activist, and political prisoner. | ||
| He organized anti-government demonstrations and ran for office to advocate reforms against corruption in Russia and against President Vladimir Putin and his government. | ||
| So what was the controversy about him, though? | ||
| His views? | ||
| He's against Putin? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| But there were some other ones. | ||
| There were some other ones, like... | ||
| He's a Cosby believer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, I think Bill Cosby got a bad rap. | |
| He had some questionable things that I was reading. | ||
| But the other dude led an army, and they were like, hey, he's marching on Moscow? | ||
| And then he went, just kidding, no I'm not. | ||
| And then a month later, they're like, his plane crashed. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Why were you getting in a plane? | ||
| You went against Putin and you're going to fly around in Russia? | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| How is no one around him going, like, you can't John Madden this? | ||
| You can't take a bus? | ||
| We can protect a bus. | ||
| Imagine thinking that Putin wouldn't kill you when you pulled up to Moscow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In a tank! | |
| He, like, showed up in a tank! | ||
| That's before he died. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Just, like, who he was. | ||
| Who he was. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what So he's basically an anti-Putin activist, Russian opposition figure, anti-corruption activist, was unlawfully detained, has now been in prison for 11 years and six months. | ||
| He's still in prison and suffers continual ill treatment, including constant surveillance and psychological pressure. | ||
| He must be freed immediately and unconditionally. | ||
| So he died in prison. | ||
| And what was the controversy about him? | ||
| Someone was saying something about his nationalist views. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| Just see if you can find something. | ||
| Someone was saying terrible things about him. | ||
| But I mean, that guy dies and you go like... | ||
| But you always wonder, like, that is something that they would do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, they'd say, oh, he just... | ||
| Do you remember when you got that guy, Litvinenko, in England with the sushi? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where they just reached down and were like... | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| Plutonium. | ||
| They put plutonium in the guy's sushi. | ||
| And there was like, he was like a rogue KGB agent. | ||
| And they were like, but dude, you think they're bad. | ||
| What do you think we do? | ||
| Yeah, we do that too. | ||
| What do you think we do? | ||
| We do shit that we're like, the CIA's been cooking up stuff that like, even Russians go like, that's pretty fucking good. | ||
| Like, do you ever think they like wink at each other? | ||
| Like, you're fucking... | ||
| Nuts! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, yeah, we fucking did this whole thing. | |
| We flew planes into our towers! | ||
| And they're like, you guys don't give a fuck! | ||
| Like if there's an open conversation about it, they just fuck around. | ||
| Not a Western liberal Democrat. | ||
| There's a darker side to him, some say. | ||
| That's such a fucking, they're pushing that out there to be like, hey. | ||
| It's controversial views on Muslims in the caucus, Georgians, and Central Asian migrants in Russia. | ||
| Immigrants from Central Asia bring in drugs to Russia, Navalny said in an interview with 2012, defending what he described as a realist visa requirement for wonderful people from Tajikistan and Uzbekistan. | ||
| While he was reflected upon some of these past remarks, they frequently resurface, causing some to question if Navalny is what many in the Western world think he is. | ||
| Navalny's controversial statements stem from his political origins in the nationalist movement, according to McGinn. | ||
| There will be a feel-good A24 movie about this guy in two years. | ||
| He used to attend the Russian March, a very far-right nationalist group generally behind the slogan, Russia for ethnic Russians. | ||
| Anybody who expects Navalny to be an ideal Western liberal Democrat has been mistaken, she tells Euronews. | ||
| His ultra-nationalistic sentiment was prominent in a video dating back some 17 years filled with xenophobic comments. | ||
| Do you think this is like his getting like when comics, when they bring up old clips of comics on podcasts? | ||
| Like he was like, aw, that was 12 years ago. | ||
| I was crazy. | ||
| So this is what he was saying. | ||
| He said, everything in our way should be carefully but decisively removed through deportation, Navalny said in a video dressed as a dentist, comparing immigrants to dental cavities. | ||
| What, he was dressed up? | ||
| He was doing costume work? | ||
| He has his hands like this. | ||
| He's like, I know we're having fun here, but really, we've got to get rid of immigrants. | ||
| Maybe it was a sketch. | ||
| Yeah, he's just doing an SNL sketch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, live from Moscow, it's political prison! | |
| Maybe someone said, you know, Navalny, the best way to get this information out is humor. | ||
| I want you to be over the top against the immigrants. | ||
| Over the top, like their fucking cavities, and I'm the dentist. | ||
| Navalny take care of cavities for you. | ||
| They go, we'll call it laughing gas, and it's all sketches done like a dentist. | ||
| And they just tricked this dude into doing this. | ||
| They really did a movie already? | ||
| I already made a documentary about him two years ago. | ||
| Oh, they had it. | ||
| And what does the documentary say? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Does it say, is it all a pro thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
CNN, HBO. Yeah, HBO and CNN. The Putin thing? | |
| Yeah, see, anybody that's in opposition to Putin has to be good. | ||
| You know, it's the enemy of our enemy. | ||
| It's my friend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's a controversial take. | ||
| This guy was just gossiping. | ||
| This guy's like, did you hear what Putin did? | ||
| And then the other guy was like, I got tanks, bro. | ||
| We're fucking pulling up to Moscow. | ||
| Anybody was going to be okay. | ||
| Thought he was fine. | ||
| And by the way, it was in the news a lot, and then it was completely gone, which are like... | ||
| Of course he did it. | ||
| Everybody knows he did it. | ||
| He just sucked the air out of the room. | ||
| Putin's always like, what are you guys doing? | ||
| Yeah, that's my favorite. | ||
| Why are you always going after me? | ||
| What are you guys doing? | ||
| We haven't invaded anybody. | ||
| Oliver Stone interview and the Tucker interview, he really loves to be like, you guys aren't so great. | ||
| You know when you fight with your girl and she'll bring up something you did and you get defensive, so you just go like, yeah, but what's up with you fucking... | ||
| You do stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Totally. | ||
| You're a bitch sometimes. | ||
| Goddammit, I got nothing. | ||
| I got nothing. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But he's got a point. | ||
| We do a lot of shit. | ||
| Do you remember the lady that wrote him the poem when he invaded the Ukraine? | ||
| She wrote him a poem? | ||
| This Hollywood actress did a thing that was like... | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| No way. | ||
| This shit is so funny. | ||
| No, this is not real. | ||
| Don't tell me this is real. | ||
| You never saw this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Dude, this shit is so funny. | ||
| Play it from the beginning. | ||
| This is the most I'm in L.A. bubble. | ||
| Oh my god, I have to see this. | ||
| I have to see this, and I don't want... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so sorry that I was not your mother. | |
| If I was your mother, you would have been so loved. | ||
| Held in the arms of joyous light. | ||
| Never would this story's plight the world unfurled before our eyes, a pure demise of nations sitting peaceful under a night sky. | ||
| If I was your mother, the world would have been warm. | ||
| So much laughter and joy and nothing would harm. | ||
| I can't imagine the stain, the soul-stealing pain that the little boy you must have seen and believed and the formulation of thought This is so self-gratuitous. | ||
| Yeah, lady, just get to the punch. | ||
| There's too many superfluous words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's quite superfluous. | |
| It's a word salad, lady. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| But by the way, do you know that... | ||
| A wild one, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you also know that Vladimir Putin was given up... | ||
| You know, he's given up by his mother for adoption. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| He has, like, a horrible relationship with his mother. | ||
| He was, like... | ||
| He was given up for adoption, and the people... | ||
| And they, like, started training him as, like, a... | ||
| Like young, young, he got into like- As a soldier. | ||
| Yeah, he's like a super soldier. | ||
| He was like built for this shit. | ||
| So this woman in a condo in Santa Monica going, I would hug you and I would feel the plight of the world on my shoulders. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he goes, lady, I was left for dead. | |
| Yeah, and you would be dead as well. | ||
| You would not be my mother. | ||
| I would kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| He fucking doesn't give a shit. | ||
| Putin is so scary that when he put on hockey equipment and played against the Russian team, they let him score like six goals. | ||
| It was some Kim Jong-un shit. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They're like, oh, whoa! | ||
| Look at him go! | ||
| He's a legit black belt in judo, though. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He does sambo and judo? | ||
| I do not know if he does sambo as well. | ||
| But that guy can fuck shit. | ||
| He definitely does judo. | ||
| He's a legit black belt. | ||
| Like, he's an older guy, but by the way he moves and the things he does, he does everything absolutely correct. | ||
| And I'm not a judo expert. | ||
| But I know how these throws look when I see judo experts do them. | ||
| But this isn't the Steven Seagal videos, where he's just doing like the... | ||
| Well, no, that's not... | ||
| See, like, right there. | ||
| That's a beautiful hip toss. | ||
| That is a beautiful hip toss. | ||
| The way he did that... | ||
| Look at the smoothness, man. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
| That's legit. | ||
| He's a legit judo black belt. | ||
| Also, though, that guy is definitely not helping at all. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Jamie, this is how these things are trained. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I know. | |
| I'm just saying, but also... | ||
| The guys do resist, too, but this is just an execution of technique. | ||
| Just the fact that he can do that. | ||
| That is very... | ||
| Like, if I showed you how to do that, it would take you a long time before you could do it that smoothly. | ||
| Now I'm very dumb when it comes to... | ||
| Both judo, but also, more importantly, I'm very stupid when it comes to politics. | ||
| Here's my question. | ||
| Jamie, are you questioning this? | ||
| No, I'm not questioning it. | ||
| I'm just saying, if you're the guy that's going with Putin, you're definitely going to be the best dance partner of all time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, but you're selling the moves. | |
| I've literally had this done to me. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| It's actually just drilling. | ||
| But I've had this done to me by people who are good at judo, and it's shocking how easy they can throw you around. | ||
| Yeah, because when he kicks his feet out. | ||
| All he's doing is, it seems a lot harder than it is. | ||
| You're just getting the guy, you're bouncing together, you're timing the bounce, and you're sweeping him and pulling at the same time, and you just go flying. | ||
| Yeah, it's like when you were little, and you'd be walking in front of one of your friends, and they'd kick your foot into the other one, and you'd go like, fuck you. | ||
| You'd go fucking flying. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I think wars should just be our leaders versus theirs. | ||
| Oh, he would win. | ||
| He would fuck up all of them. | ||
| He'd fuck up everyone who's ever been president. | ||
| That would change the way we elect our president. | ||
| We're like, who we got? | ||
| Who can we roll with? | ||
| Well, we would change. | ||
| It would be UFC champions. | ||
| Yeah, John Jones. | ||
| We'd be president John Jones in 2024. And we'd just be dominating the world. | ||
| Yeah, we'd make Alex Pajeda an official U.S. citizen immediately. | ||
| Dude, immigration would change so fast. | ||
| Francis Ngato, U.S. citizen. | ||
| I would love to have you, sir. | ||
| Yeah, full U.S. citizenship. | ||
| Raise your right hand. | ||
| We fucking love you, bro. | ||
| Brazilian population shot through the roof of the United States. | ||
| If there was one guy, it would either be John Jones or Francis Ngannou. | ||
| They'd be the one person. | ||
| I mean, we don't know until they do it, until they do the dance. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| Another country would probably be smart and they'd go like, hey Francis, how about we give you everything? | ||
| You're our king, you're everything. | ||
| And then you're just, we have the best, now we have the best military in the world. | ||
| One guy military. | ||
| But we still have Bones Jones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| Imagine that. | ||
| And then that's... | ||
| We've got to get Jones on steroids. | ||
| We've got to drop the USADA right away. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you right now, USADA's gone, and they put him in a Weapon X program? | ||
| Where they're like, how can we... | ||
| USADA's gone, Brock Lesnar returns. | ||
| Oh, my! | ||
| Oh my God, dude. | ||
| Brock Lesnar returns, he's 350 pounds at 49 years old. | ||
| Yeah, with 4% body fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just fucking trash. | |
| And you just hear the... | ||
| Just like a juggernaut. | ||
| And you hear that WWE music here, it's like... | ||
| And you just hear... | ||
| Oh, that was romance, but... | ||
| Everyone's getting smashed. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| You're trapped in a cage with a superhuman. | ||
| But that's what it, I mean, that was like, you know, we do that. | ||
| How many lives are you saving? | ||
| How many trillions of dollars are you saving? | ||
| We don't need missiles and fucking, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We get away from the American military industrial complex and just have a badass president. | ||
| And then no one talks shit about the president. | ||
| You think CNN or Fox News is going to run their mouth about a guy who's like, by the way, I'm doing a press briefing. | ||
| He's just doing, he's just doing his, he's like, oh yeah, huh? | ||
| You thought about that? | ||
| They're like, what about taxes? | ||
| He goes, I think you need to shut the fuck up. | ||
| That's what I think you need to do. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Because Putin is like... | ||
| He's the only badass... | ||
| You see that guy, you go, he's killed people. | ||
| Well, I think Netanyahu has as well. | ||
| Netanyahu was like a serious operative in the Israeli army. | ||
| What was Netanyahu's military background? | ||
| It's actually very impressive when you hear about the stuff that he's done. | ||
| I mean, yeah, in Israel, everyone serves, so it's not a question of if he did or not. | ||
| Yeah, but I think he was like a special forces guy, their version of whatever the Navy SEALs are. | ||
| Also, the idea is always funny to me of running up on someone that's like... | ||
| Trained to be a badass and you think they're an old man. | ||
| It's taken. | ||
| It's the whole idea of taken. | ||
| But I just watched... | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| After graduating from high school in 67, Netanyahu returned to Israel to enlist in the Israeli Defense Forces. | ||
| He trained as a combat soldier and served for five years in a special forces unit of the IDF. Yeah, that guy's... | ||
| Run up on him. | ||
| Run up on BB. He'll kill you with a pencil. | ||
| Yeah, he'll... | ||
| You won't even know what happened. | ||
| Your arm will be broken and you'll be like, I didn't even reach for him. | ||
| The crazy thing about this Israeli thing is before October 7th, there was thousands of people in the streets protesting against him. | ||
| Thousands for like months. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because he was trying to expand the powers of government. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's a guy where he's like, you know, you look at people that have been through war and that kind of shit, they're just like, they're calloused to it. | ||
| If I was your mother, I would have taken you in a joyous bathing light of... | ||
| I would have had you suckle on my teat until you were 12 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The madre earth and spirits of the sky. | |
| Just adding words? | ||
| I would have bathed you in crystals. | ||
| I love watching videos of guys of older guys like Don Frye was one of my favorite guys when I was young to watching like pride and shit Yeah, and then he's like just a true Arizona badass So you see him now as the old man and you're like you could still fuck shit up but Recently retired. | ||
| I was watching a interview with Donald Cerrone who I love. | ||
| It's one of my favorite fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Donald I'm from Colorado and he's just like he's a great dude, too. | |
| He's just a fun guy He's like A badass. | ||
| The story he told on here about cave diving gave me legitimate anxiety listening to that. | ||
| I was too high, and he was talking about being lost, and I was like... | ||
| Bro, that story was fucking insane. | ||
| He was like lost and could only get back through pure darkness underwater. | ||
| He's like a true American badass. | ||
| And he was on this podcast talking about how he got like this idiot like ran up on him and he just head kicked him and he was fucking done. | ||
| And he was explaining like the situation. | ||
| He was on a dock. | ||
| Yeah, they were at a lake. | ||
| And I was watching that when I was flying to Austin. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Found my genre of my favorite thing which are people fucking around with older badasses and finding out this wasn't even he was older But I mean like active Cerrone is a bad like an old now Don't run up on the guy like I don't run up on him any time in his life But this was like years ago. | ||
| This is when he was active in yeah Yeah, he was active. | ||
| That's what a dumb thing these guys that think that they can you can beat a trained fighter They didn't know he's a trained fighter. | ||
| They're just douchebags. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well guess what they got head kicked and Back to the wrong guy. | |
| I mean, imagine that's your opening move, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So cool. | |
| How much disdain do you have in this guy's ability that you're just going to head kick him? | ||
| How much athleticism? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can barely clip my toenails now. | ||
| This guy's starting with a head kick. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| It's literally what he does for a living. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| He was a guy, man, like... | ||
| You grow up in Colorado and you go to the Western Stock Show or whatever, and I'm just like a pussy suburban kid. | ||
| But you see these Eastern Colorado kids, or these kids that are from the real front range, and you're like, oh, you're a badass. | ||
| This is how the land got settled. | ||
| He has this one KO in the UFC, this one combination where he lands on this dude where it's like the Matrix. | ||
| And he just touched him. | ||
| He punches him up, punches him down, face kicks him, follows up. | ||
| And the way he did it, it was... | ||
| I forget the fighter's name that he did it to. | ||
| We went to... | ||
| Rick Story? | ||
| We went to a UFC. Is that it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, boom. | ||
| Hold on, let me do it from the beginning. | ||
| Look at this combination. | ||
| Jab to the body, left hand, ducks down, head kick. | ||
| That's a full meal! | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| That's a full meal! | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| It's so cool! | ||
| It's so cool you can do that in real life. | ||
| I went to a UFC event at Barclays. | ||
| Because Stipe Miotic was on Billions, and Stipe's the man. | ||
| He's like the coolest fucking guy. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| And his manager was like, oh, I can get you tickets to the fight that's at Barclay. | ||
| Stipe wasn't on it, but Cerrone was, and I'm a huge Cerrone guy. | ||
| And I went with Luis J. Gomez, and we sat there, and I got so excited when Donald Cerrone knocked the dude out that Luis was like, as a friend, it bothers me how much you like this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's like, stop! | ||
| It's like a friend calling him out. | ||
| He's like, it's like you want him to be your dad. | ||
| And I'm like, no, fuck that. | ||
| He's just like the coolest when you're like, that guy's so fucking cool! | ||
| But Lewis can't help himself. | ||
| I love that, dude. | ||
| Lewis, the first event we ever went to, the first live UFC event I ever went to was Jones Sonnen in Jersey. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| I don't think Jones had the title yet, or maybe he did, the light heavyweight, but it was Jon Jones, Chael Sonnen, and we're in the crowd. | ||
| And I've been to boxing matches, and you feel that... | ||
| Jon had the light heavyweight title back then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was just shooting on... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| He beat the fuck out of Chael Sonnen. | ||
| He broke his toe. | ||
| Yeah, he beat him up so bad he broke his own toe. | ||
| He was shooting on him. | ||
| He pushed off so hard off the ground while he was smashing him that you could see it in the video where it turns over. | ||
| It was like an overhead shot where they see where it turns over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just beat the fuck out of him. | ||
| And here's the thing, he didn't even know it was broken until he was talking to me. | ||
| Yeah, in the ring, you look down. | ||
| I remember that because I was in the arena. | ||
| You look down and you're like, I think your toe's broken. | ||
| And he was like, he hopped over to you. | ||
| Bro, that's how much he wanted to fuck Chael Sonnen up. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He just wanted to fuck him up and teach him that you do not belong in here with me. | ||
| I mean, dude, Bones Jones is just unbelievable. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| And the thing is, greatest light heavyweight of all time without question. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no second place. | ||
| John Jones is number one for sure. | ||
| Those old Nike with the open slit on the side so he can knee you. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah, dude, that was wild. | ||
| So we were there. | ||
| Here's the thing, man. | ||
| If he didn't get busted all those times and all the things he did, he would have had Nike sponsorships. | ||
| He already had one. | ||
| He had one lined up. | ||
| He would be the Jordan of fighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would just be like... | ||
| That's how talented that guy is. | ||
| Yeah, you're just like, no, it's the greatest and you can't even argue it. | ||
| You can argue who comes close to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But we were at that fight. | ||
| And we're watching these guys get chippy. | ||
| These, like, Jersey Italian guys are just fucking yelling at this guy. | ||
| And it's like a dude, you know, 8 Mile style, like a white guy being like, yo, what's up with the disrespect? | ||
| And Lewis just so casually goes... | ||
| There's going to be a fight. | ||
| You should pull your phone out. | ||
| Those guys are going to fight. | ||
| And I was like, no, they're not. | ||
| They're just John or whatever. | ||
| And then they just start fighting in the crowd. | ||
| And I was like, damn, Lewis, you really felt that. | ||
| He felt it in the senses. | ||
| He's like, it's about to go down. | ||
| Lewis has had some fights. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| He's got some crazy stories. | ||
| He's told on, when I've done podcasts with him about growing up, he had a fucking tough life. | ||
| That's why I always say to people with Lewis, I go, if you had that tough of a life, there's no way you'd end up how good he's done. | ||
| All of us would have failed with all the hard shit. | ||
| Because sometimes you talk to people and you're impressed by what they've responded to in life. | ||
| Or you're like, there's no way I could have responded to that. | ||
| Like Vladimir Putin, he's an evil guy. | ||
| He's done evil shit. | ||
| But you read about his childhood. | ||
| That's why that lady's poem is so funny. | ||
| And you're like, this guy was literally thrown in a ditch, basically. | ||
| And then came up and is now the most powerful man outside of the United States. | ||
| That's a fucking drive. | ||
| That's a drive. | ||
| That's a response that I do not have. | ||
| You don't get that drive if you're the son of the king. | ||
| That's exactly it. | ||
| If you're given everything, you don't have that in you. | ||
| No. | ||
| Where you're like, everyone left me. | ||
| He was like, I changed rules. | ||
| I run it again. | ||
| That was my favorite thing is he goes, I am no longer president, prime minister. | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| Prime minister has more power than president. | ||
| And then after a while he goes, I'm just president again. | ||
| You know? | ||
| The guy is just changing shit in a way that everyone around him is going like, badasses! | ||
| Russian badasses around him are going like, hey, that's a good one! | ||
| I like that! | ||
| You just have to be agreeable. | ||
| His yes-men? | ||
| It's got to be a terrifying thing. | ||
| Well, he's got it locked in. | ||
| As long as you play by the rules, seems like he lets you live. | ||
| Who do you think... | ||
| That's exactly it. | ||
| That's how it goes. | ||
| I might live. | ||
| Who do you think... | ||
| Has the more ass kissers around them? | ||
| Putin or Kim Jong Un? | ||
| Kim Jong Un. | ||
| Yeah, that's like crazy. | ||
| I bet Putin's intelligent. | ||
| I bet Putin requires people to have differing perspectives so that he can take into consideration. | ||
| And I bet he's very strategic about what they do and why they do it. | ||
| I think Kim Jong-un, like, that's... | ||
| Well, he's a rich... | ||
| You want to talk about a king's son. | ||
| Exactly, exactly. | ||
| Like, there's the comparison. | ||
| But the difference is, like, the people of Russia are doing way better than the people of North Korea. | ||
| Well, people from North Korea, they, like, find out about stuff on the outside, like, when they get out, and they're like, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| I'd be so mad if you're North Korean and you get out and you go, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fuck? | |
| That's a whole country like an orca tank. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're just like, nah, you don't even get info from the outside. | ||
| You get nothing, and when dear leader dies, you have to cry for like months. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| They'll put people in jail that didn't cry hard enough. | ||
| If I got arrested, my grandmother passed and I loved her. | ||
| If they were doing that and I didn't get arrested, I'd be like, dude, I was dealing with shit. | ||
| I deal with it in my own way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go inward. | |
| I think about it. | ||
| I cry when I'm alone. | ||
| I need to fuck alone. | ||
| I had to watch Iron Claw, that wrestling movie last night in my hotel room to jar something loose. | ||
| So look, this is people that have to publicly cry. | ||
| All right, listen. | ||
| Can we also admit, though, when Kim Jong-il died, and they did this, It is hilarious that you're that powerful, that you're like, cry harder, motherfucker. | ||
| That everybody has to cry. | ||
| This is where communism leads, kids. | ||
| All you fucking idiots out there that think no one's ever done it right, there's only one way to do it. | ||
| Someone has to enforce the rules, and that person is always the military, and they have power over everything. | ||
| Jamie's pointing this guy out. | ||
| You think he's gone? | ||
| This guy in the middle goes like, oh fuck, I didn't know what camera was there! | ||
| I didn't know what fucking camera was there! | ||
| That guy's probably tortured right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's still being whipped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Kim Jong-un, I mean, didn't he have his uncle killed? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kim Jong-un was just like, when ill died? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people are trying to move in on the territory. | ||
| It's like, uh-uh. | ||
| I'm the prince, bitch. | ||
| But also, so the difference between a self-made man and a prince is that prince has that, like, Let them die. | ||
| Like they have that energy. | ||
| My uncle has ran upon me. | ||
| Like Vladimir Putin would be like, I am very disappointed that you would not think that I would take care of you. | ||
| He'd be like, you know, he's like, you are dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're dead to me. | |
| Like that prince energy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And now the sun and the stars have spoken and you have died. | |
| Dennis Rodman wants you to die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dennis Rodman, would you like to kill my uncle? | |
| Thumbs up or down? | ||
| Imagine you let Dennis Rodman. | ||
| Hey, what's up, man? | ||
| When he's over there and he's hammered in that documentary, he's like, oh man, you rule. | ||
| When he sings him happy birthday. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Big J showed me that documentary. | ||
| Like rubbing his hands together. | ||
| Imagine being friends with a dictator of a country where the people are starving. | ||
| And you're getting drunk with that guy and playing basketball and just hanging out. | ||
| And then you walk outside. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| What is he saying? | ||
| They're clapping off. | ||
| Dude, the NBA players that are there for the fat check. | ||
| You know what, though? | ||
| How many times have we done gigs that have killed our soul? | ||
| But that one's gonna feel weird. | ||
| Now, do you have to lose? | ||
| Going like this? | ||
| Do you have to lose to the North Koreans? | ||
| Just going like this, Joe? | ||
| Standing there after you were a four-time All-Star in the NBA, and you're like... | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| Do they have to lose? | ||
| I mean, are they allowed to really play? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| It seems like there's no competition here. | ||
| This is insane to watch. | ||
| I would say they give them as much pushback as that guy in the judo class did against Putin. | ||
| That guy was good. | ||
| No, they're not playing defense. | ||
| That guy's good. | ||
| Shut up, Jamie. | ||
| That guy's good. | ||
| No, hold on. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| That is a bunch of giant dudes letting a really short guy shoot a ball from very far away. | ||
| There's no one within 15 feet of him. | ||
| It's like air butt defense. | ||
| Jamie, you're a hater. | ||
| No. | ||
| That guy's the best. | ||
| I'm a basketball player. | ||
| Jamie's like, no, I would key up on that guy and make his life a living up. | ||
| I would look like an all-star in this game. | ||
| So they let the Koreans get close? | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| I would guess they would want this to be like a Harlem Globetrotters game, where they want these players that they know to just beat the shit out of their... | ||
| Yo, they let Robin play with lip rings. | ||
| This can't be real. | ||
| Dude, that story when he left in the last dance, when they're talking about that Bulls team... | ||
| That's a movie they're making, I think. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| I don't know who's in charge of it, but I think they're making a movie about this whole day or two. | ||
| Oh, in Poin Yang? | ||
| No, Rodman going to Vegas. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| I think Billy Corgan talked about it on this podcast. | ||
| Oh, that's nuts. | ||
| Yeah, I think he did too, now that you brought that up. | ||
| He just asked Phil Jackson. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to go to Vegas. | ||
| Phil Jackson's like, please let it be two days. | ||
| And it was like four. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're just on a run in the season. | ||
| He's like, I'll go to Vegas and get fucked up. | ||
| I'm hanging out with Carmen Electra. | ||
| And so Saxon's like, God damn it, you're so good. | ||
| Being that good at something where they bend the rules for you, and they go like, ah, fuck, dude. | ||
| All right, just go ahead. | ||
| Just come back, please. | ||
| And he's like, I might not. | ||
| Did he miss any games? | ||
| I think he did, right? | ||
| Did he miss games, Jamie? | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| The movie right now is in production. | ||
| It's called 48 Hours in Vegas, but it's been in production for three years. | ||
| But that's not what I think he took. | ||
| I think he took like four days. | ||
| It was during the finals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The finals? | |
| During the finals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, what an insane person. | |
| They usually maybe have three days off, but I think he took for two days. | ||
| What? | ||
| They had to go get him, as I remember. | ||
| Michael Jordan, Phil Jackson, Sky Pippen all got on a plane, and were like, you gotta come back. | ||
| We have a game tomorrow. | ||
| You're our leading rebounder. | ||
| Oh my god, that is so insane. | ||
| And he's just been partying for days. | ||
| Dude, it's like The Hangover meets Space Jam. | ||
| We're showing up and you're like, hey, we've got the biggest game of our life and you're here in Vegas? | ||
| Vegas. | ||
| Vegas. | ||
| Did you ever see where... | ||
| God, what was it? | ||
| What? | ||
| Production's off a little bit, I guess. | ||
| Jonathan Majors, who's had some problems this year. | ||
| Oh, he was playing Rodman? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Did you ever see when he was on Celebrity Rehab? | ||
| Yeah, it was horrible. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| Celebrity Rehab was like... | ||
| He got in shape. | ||
| All he did was run on the treadmill, drinking water. | ||
| He just partied a little too much. | ||
| I think Celebrity Rehab, the one I'm thinking of, is the first season where you saw people melting down in ways that you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| First of all, it's the worst thing you could ever do to someone who's in the middle of a recovery. | ||
| It's to broadcast them and all their insecurities to the world and have people shit on each other and insult each other. | ||
| Dr. Drew hosted that show and it led to one of my favorite Stanhope bits where he said, uh, Dr. Drew is to science. | ||
| I forget what it was, but he was like talking about, he's like, that'd be like being an OBGYN that only specializes in hairless, stinkless Norwegian pussy. | ||
| Like the way that Stanhope described it, I was like, it's so funny. | ||
| I fucking love that. | ||
| Yeah, but Celebrity Rehab, you just saw people be like, oh, here's your favorite guy and he's super broken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's fucking crazy broken. | ||
| And it gives you a window into the dark side of Hollywood. | ||
| You see them be like, I don't keep that money. | ||
| That money doesn't keep coming in. | ||
| That's like the Jussie Smollett thing where you're like, you wonder how many of those people that are on drugs hit that moment. | ||
| They're like, I have to do something crazy to get back up there. | ||
| I'll do Celebrity Rehab. | ||
| I'll be the victim. | ||
| What do you do if you're that guy? | ||
| That guy can't work. | ||
| He's got to save three babies. | ||
| He's got a music career, apparently. | ||
| No, he doesn't. | ||
| No, he doesn't. | ||
| Does he, though? | ||
| What if it fucking rules? | ||
| What if it's like... | ||
| Good. | ||
| Wow, that'd be a problem. | ||
| What if we heard music and it was like, damn. | ||
| All he's releasing last year is a single, but... | ||
| Let's hear it. | ||
| I mean, before he got in trouble, he had a record career. | ||
| But did he, though? | ||
| Can we hear it and edit this out of the show? | ||
| Can we just play it for us? | ||
| Just play in-house. | ||
| And what will the audience hear? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| I'll cut it out. | ||
| Or you can overlap elevator music. | ||
| We'll be right back with our commentary, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I let... | |
| He produced this movie about something. | ||
| B-Boy Blues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a gay novel in 1994. Oh, I was going for that gay market. | |
| Yeah, he's got it. | ||
| This was also a year ago, and I was like, this is the best second film. | ||
| I would describe... | ||
| He had a bunch of charting songs in 2014, and then... | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So he actually is a legitimate... | ||
| He had songs on Empire that were making it big, and then that's where I was looking to around 2018, and they started not charting anymore, and then 2019 is when... | ||
| Is when the thing happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The hoax problem. | |
| Is that crazy? | ||
| You can follow it like that? | ||
| You can go like, oh, here he is, and then now you're like, it's dipping. | ||
| Are we about to see something? | ||
| Are we about to see a little fucking... | ||
| I will say my review of the song is it sounds like AI R&B. It sounds like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's not one specific thing that I was like, oh, that was really cool. | ||
| He could sing. | ||
| For sure he could sing. | ||
| But it just feels like AI. A lot of shit feels like AI. You know what flavor my coffee is? | ||
| Thanks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| What? | ||
| Okay, cool. | ||
| I know what you want to drink in the morning. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| I don't know what's worse, that or the open letter to Vladimir Putin. | ||
| That's the worst thing ever. | ||
| That's one of the worst things. | ||
| You're dealing with a man that's a murderer, and you're writing him a poem about it. | ||
| If I was your mom, I'd fix it. | ||
| First of all, how outrageous. | ||
| Great shit talking. | ||
| And is she even a mom? | ||
| No. | ||
| We looked it up. | ||
| I think we looked it up on the bonfire. | ||
| Even funnier. | ||
| Makes it funnier. | ||
| It is probably the best piece of shit talking we have against Vladimir Putin. | ||
| Because Biden or Trump, either one of them talking shit to Putin. | ||
| They won't say nothing. | ||
| But this woman being like, just a self-important actress, being like, I'm going to tell you what I would have done. | ||
| Nothing can stop hot actress energy. | ||
| It was just like... | ||
| Yeah, it's an immovable object versus a same. | ||
| Some mentally ill people are also hot. | ||
| This was the Harvard Crimson. | ||
| This was satire about it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Oh, if I was your... | ||
| A white woman single-handedly stops war in Ukraine if I was your mother? | ||
| Imagine! | ||
| Imagine! | ||
| I mean, like, best case scenario when you put that on TikTok is this really does go viral. | ||
| It gets to Vladimir. | ||
| It gets to Vladimir. | ||
| And you see him crying in the Kremlin. | ||
| Someone slides it across his oversized desk. | ||
| And then she gets a phone call. | ||
| From Russia? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| I wish you were my mother. | ||
| Could you still be my mommy? | ||
| She goes, who is this? | ||
| And that's how he tricks her into moving to Russia. | ||
| And then he's got a new bride. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's married to me now. | ||
| And that's their meet cute. | ||
| That does sound like a rom-com from the 90s where it's like, she's an actress. | ||
| He's a bloodthirsty dictator. | ||
| What happens when a poem goes viral? | ||
| It's their Sleepless in Seattle. | ||
| I didn't watch the... | ||
| I watched small clips of the Tucker interview with Putin. | ||
| What did you think? | ||
| It looked... | ||
| I mean, did you see what Putin said about it? | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| He made fun of how softball of an interview it was. | ||
| Oh, did he really? | ||
| He made fun of Tucker to the Russian press. | ||
| He went, I prepared... | ||
| I think the quote was something like, I prepared to be challenged. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| I was prepared for them to come at me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I guess, you're right, someone in his inner circle is smart. | ||
| Because he clearly got his balls busted for all the ranting he did. | ||
| Putin says he prefers Biden to Trump and mocks Tucker Carlson questions. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Which, again, this could all be a psyop because he's a, you know, how he moves and shit. | ||
| He said Biden is more predictable. | ||
| The lack of sharp questions. | ||
| Yeah, it said it threw him off because you could tell someone busted his balls for how long he ranted on shit. | ||
| When they were like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| And it said, yeah, he was expecting them to... | ||
| But here's the other part of the quote that people aren't using. | ||
| Scroll back up again. | ||
| He said, he goes, I think that, he said, between Biden and Putin, Putin said, without hesitation, the current U.S. president was more experienced, predictable, an old-school politician, but added, we will work with any U.S. president who the American people have confidence in. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Besides preferring Trump, he says he'll work with anybody. | ||
| Yeah, but that's what I mean. | ||
| He says this guy... | ||
| He doesn't say unreasonable things when it comes to that. | ||
| Well, he just says stuff that you go like... | ||
| He says stuff that's smart enough that you go like, oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, that's not a real... | ||
| Like, Kim Jong-un is like, the stars have told me that I'm the leader. | ||
| And you're like, you're a fucking moron. | ||
| And Putin says stuff and you go, fuck. | ||
| I mean, it's not completely incorrect. | ||
| Well, he's very intelligent. | ||
| Yeah, the guy worked for the KGB. It's like a CIA operative being our leader. | ||
| And they're like, hey, I know how these fucking things go. | ||
| Have you ever seen when he talks about how many US presidents he's been through? | ||
| No. | ||
| And about how they all have these promises? | ||
| And then once they get into office, he goes, men with coats like mine, sit down with them, not with this colored tie, you know? | ||
| And they tell them exactly what you're going to do. | ||
| Like, it's cool to see, because he's telling the truth. | ||
| He knows what he says. | ||
| He's on the other side of it. | ||
| He's on the other side of it, but it's not a lie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And we all know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Obama, one of his things was to help whistleblowers. | ||
| It was like a part of the website to get him elected. | ||
| It's like protection for whistleblowers. | ||
| They were like the worst for whistleblowers. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you. | ||
| He knows that all presidents Left or right are just the same arms. | ||
| They have the arms of the same monster. | ||
| He knows how they work. | ||
| That's what he means by Biden's a predictable one. | ||
| He goes, I can fucking... | ||
| It's like knowing how to drive an old car. | ||
| You're like, I can fucking have one of these. | ||
| They were saying that those Chinese weather balloons, those flying over things, those big balloons, that they were doing that when Trump was around, but they didn't tell Trump. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Trump would shoot him down. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But they've all shot him down. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is even crazier. | ||
| It was like, good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if Trump shot him down, he's fucking launching missiles into the sky. | |
| Well, they threatened World War. | ||
| That's always the threat either side pushes on the other, where they go like, World War III is coming. | ||
| Did you ever see the dude who tells the story to the news about the missile or the jet that crash-landed? | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| No. | ||
| There was a jet or a pilot ejected from the jet. | ||
| Like some fucking super expensive fighter jet. | ||
| And it flew into the ground. | ||
| And this one dude was there when it happened. | ||
| This dude's like super country. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| That is possibly... | ||
| I love the beginning of the interview where he goes, I've been out on this earth about 72 years. | ||
| I just love that guy that states how old he is at the beginning. | ||
| With a straw hat on. | ||
| Yeah, he goes, no, I ain't seen no shit. | ||
| In the country. | ||
| But I'm having a shave, which is definitely code for a shit. | ||
| He was taking a dump in that plane crash. | ||
| Oh, I'm taking a shave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said, what in the world is this? | |
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Yeah, dude, that fucking rules. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What if it was a cover story for a crashed UFO? That's what I mean. | |
| I mean, I want his explanation on UFO. He goes, tiny little gray men. | ||
| They seem mean. | ||
| I think they lost the jet, though. | ||
| They knew the guy ejected from the jet, and they lost the jet. | ||
| It was reported that the jet was lost before this guy reported, and they found out where it slammed. | ||
| It was lost for like two or three days, though. | ||
| Yeah, because I remember reading that news story about a lost jet, and you're like, how the fuck do you lose a jet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Also wearing a weighted vest. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's probably got low body fat under there. | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| That guy's probably shredded. | ||
| SPRI. He's working out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe he's like a dude who's just out there and works out all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's taking off. | ||
| He's just shredded. | ||
| Yeah, just old man ripped. | ||
| He's like an old Rambo. | ||
| Have you ever seen those old dudes that work out in the park on those monkey bars and- Yeah, dude up in Harlem? | ||
| Yeah, and the gymnast bars, the various different height parallel bars. | ||
| I did this. | ||
| These guys are insanely fit, dude. | ||
| There's this one old dude that does it on Instagram that I follow. | ||
| Well, I've met back when I was getting out of the waiting tables days. | ||
| It was about 12, 13 years ago. | ||
| I did a series for Yahoo called Mansom, which sounds so good. | ||
| But they would have me do different weird shit or whatever. | ||
| And I went up to Harlem and did an episode with these guys. | ||
| And they were showing me the shit they could do. | ||
| And it was unbelievable. | ||
| Like, oh, there it is. | ||
| Yeah, the bartenders. | ||
| Look at you, bro. | ||
| Dude, I am full alcoholic at this point. | ||
| Very hungover. | ||
| Dude, this guy would do stuff, and then I would try to do stuff, and I'm out of shape, so my arms are doing, like, stabilizing. | ||
| They can do insane shit. | ||
| Flagpoles. | ||
| Yeah, he would, like, lift himself all the way up, and then all the way back down with, like, not even breathing anything. | ||
| Just try doing the monkey bars back and forth a couple of times and see how hard it is on your forearms and your grip strength. | ||
| Especially at 40? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like look at this, they can just do stuff. | ||
| But that is, it just shows you also, like, their physiques come entirely from body weight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you, like, look at gymnasts. | ||
| They're some of the most fucking ripped people alive, and it's just all body weight. | ||
| Yeah, it's no weight lifting. | ||
| It's just that. | ||
| Pull-ups. | ||
| How hard up, look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Crazy muscle-ups, flips. | ||
| That's why parkour guys are crazy strong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To have that kind of control. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Now I could do that if I got up there. | ||
| I wouldn't do that. | ||
| I could flip around. | ||
| If you fall, you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah, especially at 40, I'd fucking take a fall and be like, ooh! | ||
| I think they have a rubber floor there, it looks like, which is nice. | ||
| It'll help you a little bit, but it's still not good. | ||
| Being out of shape and trying to do that in front of them, Those are just like little liability places. | ||
| There's so much liability in there. | ||
| I would like to know the insurance on city playgrounds, like the legalities of what they have to be like, you're not suing us. | ||
| And is there some stuff that's grandfathered in, like those domes? | ||
| Those iron domes? | ||
| Those thunder domes? | ||
| They're like monkey bar domes. | ||
| Those are the shit. | ||
| Like there's drips all around, you'd be inside of them and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And fall? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I used to go to this place in Denver when I was a kid called Big Fun, and it was like a Discovery Zone kind of thing, but they had these rubber straps. | ||
| It was called the spider web, and it was these tight, thick, like that wide, that thick, across, but like dozens of them all the way up, and you would climb through... | ||
| Disaster. | ||
| When you fall, you go through these straps slapping you in the back of the neck. | ||
| You would come back with lacerations on your arms and shit. | ||
| It was the most fun I've ever had. | ||
| And there's zero chance they would do that now. | ||
| Just rubber straps and be like, climb to the top. | ||
| It was like a good 20 feet tall. | ||
| You know what they do have still, too, that I'm kind of shocked they still have? | ||
| Is those trampoline buildings. | ||
| Those are awesome. | ||
| Where you go in them and it's just trampolines everywhere and everyone's just bouncing from one trampoline to the next one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, this guy, very funny comic Damien that opens, he's open for me. | ||
| He used to do slam ball back in the day. | ||
| I remember slam ball. | ||
| They just brought it back this summer. | ||
| Yeah, they brought it back, but now they do it with contact. | ||
| Or I think you used to be able to do it with contact. | ||
| What a wild idea to have basketball with trampolines. | ||
| It sounds good on paper, but your knees are like, dude, I can't do this. | ||
| Oh yeah, it's gotta be terrible. | ||
| Like you land wrong? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I wonder if it's almost easier to land on a hard floor. | ||
| I bet you have to do everything totally different, because you have two different things going on. | ||
| You have trampoline jumping, and then you have running on a court. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going back and forth to both of these things. | ||
| That's probably really hard to do. | ||
| Yeah, go from... | ||
| But is it actually better to see people fly through the air like that and dunk? | ||
| They can do crazy, I mean... | ||
| Is it better? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Like baseball for home runs, of course, this is what everybody wants to see. | ||
| They get to do crazy, crazy dunks. | ||
| Yeah, but you can't even dribble in the center. | ||
| Yeah, who cares? | ||
| You kind of have to though, right? | ||
| Like how much traveling happens? | ||
| Well, they take as many steps as NBA players do now, that Euro three-step. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| What are you allowed? | ||
| There's a lot of... | ||
| They call it a Euro step. | ||
| You're basically allowed, what, three steps, I think? | ||
| The NBA, apparently, there's like a two and a half step rule. | ||
| There's a gather step dribble that people can take. | ||
| Like you can pick up and go like, one, two, and then run. | ||
| There's a few guys on Instagram that break down these crazy plays and be like, this is not a travel and here's why. | ||
| And they take five minutes in slow motion to show you why it wasn't a travel. | ||
| I got here crazy early and I was on my phone in my car watching highlights of this dude on Twitter. | ||
| They're starting to call him Cream Abdul-Jabbar. | ||
| He's a white guy from Indiana State. | ||
| This reporter, Matt Ross, called him Cream Abdul-Jabbar. | ||
| And he's a white guy from Indiana State. | ||
| Let me see what his name is. | ||
| I think I have it still up on my phone. | ||
| Oh, yeah, dude. | ||
| He rules. | ||
| His name's Robbie Avila. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| When you see this guy, you're like, oh, he's just a big fat white guy with glasses. | ||
| And then he just balls. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He just balls out. | ||
| And he's at Indiana State. | ||
| Yeah, I love it. | ||
| I love a goofy white guy. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| That's him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy had 35 points last night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He's just putting it up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Let me see some highlights. | ||
| This guy can fucking go. | ||
| He plays like he's playing with kids. | ||
| Like, that's how he kind of looks sometimes. | ||
| He's right there down in the key. | ||
| Right there, yeah. | ||
| Up and in. | ||
| And he just looks like... | ||
| If he showed up at the playground, you'd be like, ah, he's probably not that good. | ||
| And then he just fucks shit up. | ||
| Those goggles are fresh, too. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| He's got those old-school Kurt Rambis glasses on. | ||
| I love a guy that has Horace Grant up top. | ||
| Those glasses probably help. | ||
| Oh yeah, it's like Ricky Vaughn in Major League. | ||
| You can finally see the strike zone. | ||
| You can really see everything. | ||
| Yeah, but look, you can dish. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I love a goofy, big, white guy that's great at basketball. | ||
| That's why I love Jokic on the Nuggets so much. | ||
| He just looks like he should not be good, and he's awesome. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I think he's not trying. | ||
| Yeah, he moves slow in that way where you're like... | ||
| But he's precise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But he's just like... | |
| Larry Bird. | ||
| Yeah, Larry Bird. | ||
| And also, Larry Bird is, they say arguably, the greatest shit-talker of all time. | ||
| That he was like, other tier level of shit-talking. | ||
| He would apparently show up to like, remember when they had those free throw competitions? | ||
| And he said, who's coming in second? | ||
| Oh yeah, he said that at the All-Star game for the three-point competition. | ||
| He goes, who's going to be in second place? | ||
| There was one... | ||
| And I don't really know how true this story is, but List, you know, Joe List is a huge Celtics fan, huge Boston sports guy. | ||
| He told me a story that Larry Bird, it was like the 86 season, and he was lined up on a guy. | ||
| And Larry Bird hit three shots in a row. | ||
| They call a timeout. | ||
| And he comes back on the court and he tells the guy, he goes, can you believe they're going to give the ball to McHale? | ||
| I just scored six straight points on you and they're giving the ball to McHale. | ||
| And the guy went, what? | ||
| And then the play happens and McHale scored and Bird looked at him and was like, I told you. | ||
| Like, he's just so good. | ||
| He's like, yeah, I'm not getting the ball and I'm mad about it. | ||
| This guy is. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He's like, you gotta be so good to be able to talk to it. | ||
| LeBron tells the players on the other team what they're doing wrong sometimes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He's like, you're supposed to be over here. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| Hey, move. | ||
| He knows what everybody's doing. | ||
| His basketball knowledge is at the level so far above everybody else on the floor. | ||
| Most coaches also. | ||
| What I love is in sports where someone calls something out in the middle of a play. | ||
| There's two examples in the NFL that I know where Peyton Manning gets mad at his tackle for missing a block and he's running when he's on the Colts and you can hear him go, God damn it! | ||
| He yells the guy's name in the middle of the play, and still has the play done, but he in the middle of the play goes, like, you fucked up, and screams it out. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| One of the best versions of that, Max Holloway was fighting Brian Ortega, and he told Brian Ortega, you gotta block like this, and he puts his hand up to help him block. | ||
| In the middle of beating his ass, he takes his hand, he goes, put your hand right here. | ||
| I mean, dude, that moment... | ||
| You don't need to see this. | ||
| Watch. | ||
| Look, watch this. | ||
| Look, he puts his hand... | ||
| See? | ||
| He's teaching him how to do it. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| He says, look, look, look. | ||
| Protect me. | ||
| Look, see? | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this, man. | ||
| Bro, put your hand there. | ||
| And he did, like, the demonstration. | ||
| Like, I won't even do it to you. | ||
| And then he beats his ass more. | ||
| He's just such a nice guy. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| That was like when Khabib got Connor in the corner and was talking to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's talk now. | ||
| You're like just getting elbows hammered on you and you're like... | ||
| Fucking wild. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| It's a wild sport, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those guys are bad asses. | ||
| That's for real. | ||
| Yeah, that's a different kind of human being. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kind of human being that can do that successfully for a living. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a big one coming soon. | ||
| In Miami. | ||
| Big fucking card. | ||
| You excited? | ||
| Oh yeah, it's a big one. | ||
| There's one fight I'm really excited about. | ||
| Dustin Poirier versus Benoit Saint Denis. | ||
| Benoit Saint Denis was a French Special Forces guy who now fights in MMA and is murking people. | ||
| Like, he's a straight-up killer. | ||
| I mean, that chest tattoo is fucking tough. | ||
| There was one of the fights that I called, and I'm interviewing him afterwards, and he starts talking about, I like America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You helped us out during World War II. Thank you very much for bringing us back. | |
| He's talking about America in terms of, like, military, like, that we've always been kind of aligned. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm like, that's how he's thinking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| He's a killer. | ||
| He got into MMA to be better as a soldier. | ||
| I think he already had a judo background, but the MMA thing is fairly recent. | ||
| It's only been like six years, I believe, or so. | ||
| I saw his record. | ||
| He's 13-1. | ||
| He's called the God of War? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| As a fan of God of War, that's badass. | ||
| I think the fight he lost was at a different weight class, too. | ||
| I think he fights at 155, and I'm pretty sure... | ||
| You should check on that. | ||
| I'm pretty sure his fight that he lost was at 170. But he's very good, man. | ||
| He's very good. | ||
| And he's calculated, and he doesn't have any weaknesses. | ||
| He's very good on the ground. | ||
| He's very good standing up. | ||
| He's just good everywhere. | ||
| If he wins that fight, does that elevate him to a shot at the title? | ||
| Boy, it's a big jump. | ||
| He's a big jump in competition. | ||
| This guy goes from beating guys who are pretty good, good fighters, solid fighters, to the top of the heap, Dustin Poirier. | ||
| A guy who's been interim champion. | ||
| It's a different level. | ||
| And for Dustin to accept that fight, it's a big risk. | ||
| And Dustin must have got paid a lot of money to do that because that's crazy. | ||
| St. Denis favored over Dustin Poirier. | ||
| Dustin Poirier who has fought fucking everybody. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| The guy beats Conor twice and he's still the underdog against St. Denis. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That's how scary that dude is. | ||
| I like that Michael Page is fighting in the UFC. Kevin Holland and Michael Page is fun. | ||
| I know Michael Page from the... | ||
| He's fun, dude. | ||
| That's a real fight. | ||
| That's a real fight. | ||
| Because Kevin Holland is fucking dangerous. | ||
| He's fucking dangerous and he's got a lot of MMA experience. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| And he's very good on the ground and he's got ridiculous one-punch power. | ||
| And that's also a welterweight fight where Kevin, I think, is at his most dangerous. | ||
| At 170, Kevin is so fucking dangerous. | ||
| Do you do like spinning back elbows and shit? | ||
| Like I know Michael Page from watching like his highlights. | ||
| If you go to Michael Page, Michael Venom Page before he was ever an MMA fighter was a high-level karate point fighter. | ||
| And I was always wondering like when are those guys going to make their way into MMA? Because we had this one guy Raymond Daniels who was also an opponent of Michael Venom Page in a karate thing. | ||
| But there's a video you can watch of that of them competing in a karate tournament. | ||
| But those guys, those high-level karate guys, can move in and out very fast. | ||
| Is that what their superpower, you would say, is? | ||
| It's a blitz. | ||
| They're just crazy in and out and can nail you with shit. | ||
| They can cover distance much faster than everybody else because their game is all about touching you once. | ||
| So it's like you're playing a game of karate tag. | ||
| Karate tag is the funniest name to call it though. | ||
| It kind of is like that. | ||
| To make it sound safer, you go, you want to play karate tag? | ||
| You just get kicked in the fucking head. | ||
| But most of the times guys don't even get knocked out. | ||
| They just get touched. | ||
| You know, it's a lot of like this, like this kind of thing. | ||
| And then when someone does touch, make contact, they separate and they call a point. | ||
| Now, it's based on the very ludicrous notion that one strike could kill someone. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And so you wouldn't want to be hitting anybody more than once. | ||
| Yeah, you could do one hit or quitter shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this is like based, you know, they started these tournaments based on that idea a long ass time ago. | ||
| And they keep doing them that way. | ||
| But the skill that you get from that is the ability to close the distance and hit someone. | ||
| Look at that crazy jump and wheel kick you did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a 720-degree wheel kick. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I mean, that's crazy. | ||
| If you're in a street fight, right, and you see a guy take a karate stance, there is a chance he's going to hit you with one of those. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| That's a one-hitter where you take that shot. | ||
| But if you're a wrestler, you go, oh, this is going to be great. | ||
| This is going to be great. | ||
| You're going to kick me. | ||
| Okay, let me time this. | ||
| I'm going to tackle you on the concrete fuckface. | ||
| That's why that D'Agostinian wrestling thing. | ||
| Wrestling is the number one foundation of all martial arts. | ||
| I think if you don't know how to wrestle, you can't fight. | ||
| You have to know how to wrestle. | ||
| Even the high-level kickboxers, like, you okay, bro? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happened? | |
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| It's COVID. It's the new COVID. Give it to me. | ||
| Even guys like Alex Pajeda, who's one of the most devastating strikers to ever fight in the sport. | ||
| He had to learn how to wrestle before he could fight in MMA. Yeah. | ||
| You can't just go in there and not know how to get up. | ||
| You can't go in there and not know how to defend yourself. | ||
| It's just too dangerous. | ||
| I remember the old school when they did James Toney or Randy Couture. | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
| And Randy Couture's like, well, I'm not going to stand with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There was like you can't wrestle at all Randy ankle victim. | |
| Yeah, which is like embarrassing He just dropped down and grab his angle like sit your ass down. | ||
| Yeah, dude He didn't even let him have a shot. | ||
| That was fun to watch Randy was actually nice to him. | ||
| He could have tortured him He could have like proven a point and just stayed on him and punched him in the face as long as he wanted to That's why I liked Khabib because Khabib just did that to the top guys that could wrestle Guys that could wrestle were like... | ||
| It was like watching someone fight a shark and get brought into the water. | ||
| And you were like, he's just got you. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's what Poirier said about him. | ||
| I just couldn't believe he was doing that to him. | ||
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| You're just so good that guys at the top level are like, I can't even fuck with this guy. | ||
| He's getting mauled by this dude. | ||
| And he's talking to you. | ||
| And Poirier tried for a guillotine at one point in time and almost had it. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It was pretty tight. | ||
| Poirier has a nasty guillotine. | ||
| Was that fight in... | ||
| London? | ||
| Or it was... | ||
| I think I remember watching... | ||
| Why do I remember watching it in the afternoon? | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| But I remember watching that and you're like, oh, he's got... | ||
| No, he doesn't. | ||
| Oh, it was Justin Gaeth... | ||
| Was that the last fight? | ||
| Gaethje. | ||
| Gaethje was the last fight. | ||
| With Gaethje, did he catch Khabib in a something? | ||
| I think he tried something and then all of a sudden... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He tried a triangle? | |
| A guillotine? | ||
| Was it Gaethje? | ||
| Am I remembering it wrong? | ||
| I thought it was Dustin Poirier. | ||
| Almost had a guillotine. | ||
| You probably know more than I do. | ||
| I just remember being high at helium in Philadelphia during the day. | ||
| And they're like, we'll put the fight on here. | ||
| And I was like, that'd be awesome. | ||
| Walk over from the hotel. | ||
| The story was that he actually likes Gaethje. | ||
| It was Poirier. | ||
| So here it is. | ||
| He gets him in a guillotine. | ||
| This is pretty fucking tight, dude. | ||
| It's pretty fucking tight. | ||
| And it would have been much better if he had that right knee engaged. | ||
| See how Khabib just steps over that right knee. | ||
| He just alleviated a lot of pressure there. | ||
| But there's still a tremendous amount of pressure on his neck. | ||
| But the key thing here is Dustin tried to scramble and re-engage, but he never got that right knee in play. | ||
| Khabib kept that right knee from being in play every time. | ||
| See how he pushed it down and gets sideways? | ||
| That alleviates the pressure from the hips. | ||
| So now the hips aren't squeezing down on your lower back anymore, which accentuates the pressure on the neck. | ||
| And now he's out. | ||
| Now he's out. | ||
| It was the whole key to that. | ||
| If he was in full guard there... | ||
| Look at how scary it is. | ||
| Then all of a sudden he's on his back and he's just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit! | |
| Shit! | ||
| Well, that's the problem with pulling guard for a guillotine. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| And then he just switches over, goes over, and now he's just gone on his back. | ||
| And also, Dustin needs to take a break here. | ||
| Because he just exerted an insane amount of energy trying to close the deal. | ||
| So when you're trying to close the deal on a guillotine, your whole body is involved. | ||
| And you're arcing into it, and he didn't have the leg, man. | ||
| And then he's just... | ||
| He didn't have that leg. | ||
| If he had that right leg over, and that's why Khabib, that was his number one priority, wasn't even defending the choke. | ||
| If you notice, the number one priority is moving over that right leg. | ||
| Yeah, got over him. | ||
| Because as soon as someone has a guillotine like Dustin does, and they have two legs, and you're really trapped, it might be night-night. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It might be night-night. | ||
| Because they're pulling down on your lower back, and then they're up on your neck and twisting it to the side. | ||
| I'd be trying to talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'd be like, stop! | |
| You can't even get hands involved. | ||
| You're just fucks, Bill. | ||
| Please let me know! | ||
| That's what I was saying last night, where you get choked and it changes your voice. | ||
| You go like... | ||
| That's just how fucking good Khabib was, man. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| It's almost a tragedy that he never wants to fight again. | ||
| Because he doesn't, right? | ||
| It was like the promise he made his dad. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| He made his mother. | ||
| He was going to have one more fight and that was going to be it. | ||
| And it's beautiful. | ||
| That's a great way to go out. | ||
| And now he's just a badass coach. | ||
| Yep, and he'll be one of the greatest coaches of all time. | ||
| And he'll go out as, without a doubt, one of the greatest to ever do it. | ||
| One of the greatest to ever do it. | ||
| If not the best ever, he's definitely in the argument. | ||
| The argument is Mighty Mouse, who's always had a special place in my heart for when he was in his prime. | ||
| When he was in his prime, Mighty Mouse was a motherfucker to watch. | ||
| He would do shit that no one could do. | ||
| He would do shit Where he would throw a guy into the air, suplex him, and then catch an arm bar in the middle of him being in the air. | ||
| I just saw that clip. | ||
| And finish it on the ground. | ||
| I just saw the flying arm bar. | ||
| There's not a champion alive. | ||
| That can do that the way Mighty Mouse did. | ||
| Yeah, you like toss the guy in the air and then on his way down threw him in an arm bar when they both hit the mat. | ||
| Bro, when he fought Henry Cejudo the first time, it was a masterclass. | ||
| It was a masterclass. | ||
| When he put Henry away... | ||
| Yeah, when you're... | ||
| This is his last fight. | ||
| That was the fight with the fly. | ||
| That's a great fight too, though. | ||
| Show that. | ||
| Show that KO. Because it's a flying knee. | ||
| And this is a guy who had knocked him out in the previous fight with a knee. | ||
| So check this out. | ||
| Look at this combination. | ||
| Look at that fucking timing, dude. | ||
| And walk away. | ||
| Walk away. | ||
| Look at that timing, man. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| When you're watching this cage side and you see a guy like Mighty Mouse do some wild shit, are you just like, as a fan of the sport, You're calling it, but you're just like, does it take your brain a little bit to process? | ||
| Like, what the fuck did I just watch? | ||
| It's so magical. | ||
| It's like, I know how hard it is to move that way, so when I see a dude who can move the way he does, I'm like, that is so fucking beautiful. | ||
| So for someone who does martial arts... | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
| Flying arm bar. | ||
| This is against Ray Borg. | ||
| So in the middle of the suplex, he catches the arm before the dude hits the ground. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Before the dude hits the ground, he caught the arm. | ||
| And then he swings over and get... | ||
| Now, he's having fun here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's having fun. | ||
| For him to do this, he's like, I'm going to show off. | ||
| And if you know Demetrius, he's a fun dude. | ||
| He plays a lot of video games and streams and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's awesome. | |
| He's a really sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| You would never imagine he'd be that good at fucking people up. | ||
| He had a German suplex into a fucking WWE movie. | ||
| In the air. | ||
| He was just lighting this dude on fire. | ||
| He was just lighting this dude on fire. | ||
| I maintain that he is the finest expression of martial arts I've ever seen. | ||
| Because it's creative. | ||
| It's just he didn't have the kind of competition and the men aren't as big. | ||
| But if he was welterweight, he would be, no question, the greatest of all time. | ||
| No question. | ||
| He was so good, dude. | ||
| You gotta look at them when they're in this window of time, and sometimes it's just a few years, where they're accomplishing things in a way that is so extraordinary, you go, I've never seen anybody better. | ||
| And that's how I feel about Mighty Mouse when he was in his prime. | ||
| And then the other one that's like that is Anderson Silva. | ||
| Anderson Silva when he was in his prime. | ||
| All the defenses, the title defenses, that run. | ||
| It was the way he was doing it too, man. | ||
| It was like he was operating at a different speed than them. | ||
| He was processing things with a 2024 computer and they were using some Windows 95. Yeah, the way he would dodge punches all the time. | ||
| And then I also loved... | ||
| He was part of the reason I wrote that joke about translators in the ring afterwards because his voice was so soft and he was like... | ||
| He's in Portuguese and they'd be like, Anderson says he'll kill all comers in anyone. | ||
| And you're like, but his voice is so sweet. | ||
| His voice was like... | ||
| Bro, when he beat Rich Franklin to win the title... | ||
| Yeah, Ace Rich or Rich Ace Franklin because he looked like Ace Ventura? | ||
| I love that. | ||
| God, those were my mushroom days where I'd just take a ton of mushrooms and watch UFC. That's a crazy thing to watch on mushrooms. | ||
| Oh, dude, it was... | ||
| Dude, I got robbed when I lived in Tucson, because I lived with a weed dealer, and I got fucking hogtied, gone on 45 on the head, cleaned out. | ||
| I did the whole story on Ari's... | ||
| It was the season Ari got fired, but this is not happening. | ||
| But I lived with a weed guy, and we got set up, and I was just a roommate. | ||
| How hard they hit you on the head? | ||
| Not hard. | ||
| I had to pretend that it was harder because the guy was like smaller than me. | ||
| So I had to pretend that he really fucked my shit up when really he just kind of dinked me. | ||
| And then he was, I mean, he was a pro. | ||
| Like he had an army duffel bag, zip ties, had like a real gun. | ||
| Like I had a cheap one. | ||
| It was one guy? | ||
| It was two guys. | ||
| Got both me and my roommate and they, you know, they knew we were college kids. | ||
| Both guys had guns? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Hammers, dude. | ||
| 45s, I think. | ||
| I think both of them had 45 calibers. | ||
| Like, he was tapping it on my head, being like, you're gonna fucking die, white boy. | ||
| Where's the fucking money? | ||
| And you're like, I don't fucking know! | ||
| And then, so I got robbed, and then I got out of it or whatever. | ||
| I was fine. | ||
| I wasn't physically hurt. | ||
| They took my car, which had six loads of laundry in it, so I lost all my clothes. | ||
| That sucked. | ||
| Wearing a bathing suit as underwear for three days. | ||
| Because I was so broke. | ||
| I couldn't afford anything. | ||
| I lost my CD booklet. | ||
| Did you ever get the car back? | ||
| Yeah, cleaned out. | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| In the desert. | ||
| That's what happens in Tucson. | ||
| This all happened in Tucson. | ||
| And they called me and they're like, we got your car. | ||
| And I was like, is my CD? I was at a bar and Tucson police called me and they go, we found your car. | ||
| And I go, was the CD booklet in it? | ||
| And the guy goes, no. | ||
| He's like, you're lucky we found your fucking car. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| We used to carry CD books in our car. | ||
| I had a zip one. | ||
| I had a zipper one with multiple pages. | ||
| Dude, I had pages of bands. | ||
| I had a whole Soundgarden page. | ||
| I had a whole Nirvana page with bleach all the way to fucking... | ||
| Dude, and you'd keep the CD thing for inside so it looked professional. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Did I had a banger of a CD booklet that got taken? | ||
| But then that night today, yeah, they're just like not digital I won't own my media, but we went I went to my buddy Sumner's house and I took like probably three and a half close to four grams and I was drunk before I took it oh boy and Mark was sober and he let me in and we watched the first season of the ultimate fighter and Oh, wow. | ||
| And we had it on like... | ||
| Did you get robbed while you were watching it? | ||
| No. | ||
| This was at night, but it was like hyping me up where I was like, maybe I would have pulled... | ||
| I was on Mushrooms, so I was like, maybe I would have pulled... | ||
| I wouldn't have pulled shit, but I was like... | ||
| And then we watched that till like five in the morning, but I was just tripping, being like... | ||
| I was like watching UFC on Mushrooms Rules, and I thought I thought it was just the coolest. | ||
| So I did it a couple more times. | ||
| And I was thinking the last time I did it was Lesnar-Shane-Carwin. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Because I was like, oh, he's from Colorado. | ||
| I always loved Colorado fighters. | ||
| That was the closest Shane had come. | ||
| I mean, he really came close to beating that guy. | ||
| Got on top of him, was pounding him. | ||
| Oh, I wasn't on mushrooms. | ||
| I was drunk at Hooters with Lewis. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| I was drunk at a Midtown Hooters with Lewis because I was yelling out Aurora. | ||
| And then fucking Shane Carlin lost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I was like, ah! | |
| Because he gassed. | ||
| He gassed out. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| He emptied the tank trying to finish Brock. | ||
| Because he wobbled him. | ||
| Well, he was on top of him, raining bombs down on him. | ||
| A lot of referees would have stopped that fight. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Watch it. | ||
| Watch it. | ||
| Let's watch it. | ||
| Let's watch the end of the first round with Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin. | ||
| God, I forgot where we were at. | ||
| Shane was a terrifying puncher. | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
| He was the only guy in the UFC that they had to have gloves bigger than Brock Lesnar's. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they had like four XL gloves. | ||
| Because I remember when Brock came to the UFC, they were like, they have to make his gloves bigger. | ||
| Shane's are bigger. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Bro, Shane's hands were like- Dude, what a badass! | ||
| They were like canned hands. | ||
| Look at these guys! | ||
| Shane was so dangerous, man. | ||
| Like, people forgot about him, like, in his prime. | ||
| He could put anybody to sleep with like a six-inch punch. | ||
| He was so fucking dangerous. | ||
| And he was a really good wrestler, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a Colorado guy, so I loved him. | ||
| He's a fucking beast, dude. | ||
| Was he in the Greg Jackson gym with all of them? | ||
| I believe... | ||
| Well, I know he's out of Colorado. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he trained with Jackson. | ||
| Yeah, but this is at the point where he's already gassed. | ||
| Yeah, this is at the point where he's gassed. | ||
| And this is the second round. | ||
| This is when Brock wins. | ||
| Can you go back to the first round? | ||
| No, I'm at the end of the first round. | ||
| So this is it. | ||
| So go a little bit before that so you can see how this takes place. | ||
| Because he stuns him on the feet. | ||
| So they're standing up there. | ||
| God, listen to that. | ||
| And there was the uppercut. | ||
| Look at that uppercut. | ||
| That uppercut was nasty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's stuffed to take down. | |
| Bro, Shane was so dangerous. | ||
| So dangerous. | ||
| I thought it was over right there. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It could have been over right here with a lot of referees, man. | ||
| A lot of referees. | ||
| There has to be a feeling where you have Brock Lesnar and then you don't and you go like, fuck! | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| Look how close this is. | ||
| So he's getting fucking pummeled, dude. | ||
| And this goes on for a while. | ||
| The thing is, Shane right now is emptying the tank because he thinks he's got the clothes. | ||
| He's at the end. | ||
| That's what he thinks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This goes on for a while, dude. | ||
| It keeps going on. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Big shots. | ||
| Like, right there, stop the fight. | ||
| Right there, you can stop the fight. | ||
| But Brock is still pushing him off, but he's not really effectively defending himself. | ||
| Like, many referees would have been like, I've seen enough. | ||
| Like, right here, the blood spraying. | ||
| Many referees. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| But nope. | ||
| I don't remember this fight that well. | ||
| I just remember that Shane gassed. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God, dude. | |
| The feeling of having someone almost knocked out and they don't call it. | ||
| But it gets worse. | ||
| Look. | ||
| It gets worse. | ||
| So now he gets... | ||
| I think he fully mounts him at one point in time. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| This is big, dude. | ||
| These are big fucking shots. | ||
| That's a big elbow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's tired. | ||
| You can see him breathing heavy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But now he's just looking for one big shot. | ||
| I mean, dude, the way he has him, I've never seen him... | ||
| I mean, he's beating the fuck out of Brock here. | ||
| But now, those aren't effective. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the referee could stop the fight, man. | ||
| This is fucking close. | ||
| This is one of those things where, like, the guy's getting beat up so bad, you could make an argument for stopping it. | ||
| Look at all the blood, but Brock is fighting back. | ||
| Shane gets on top of him again. | ||
| Brock can't get up, right? | ||
| He's getting mauled here. | ||
| No, but Brock's saving energy doing this, right? | ||
| Like, he's not. | ||
| Well, I mean, he clearly had the better gas tank because he made it out of this and then the second round he was fresh and Shane was done. | ||
| Shane right now is done. | ||
| He's done. | ||
| He's so tired. | ||
| You have to understand how he has nothing in his arms left. | ||
| He just exerted everything. | ||
| He emptied the tank. | ||
| Have you ever seen a fight where a guy does that and then wins by using his legs or something? | ||
| Most of the time when guys empty the tank that bad, they can't recover. | ||
| So it's just, they're done on everything. | ||
| And so look, Brock is scrambling at the end of the round and he's getting back up to his feet. | ||
| And now he's up. | ||
| Now he's up. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| If someone stands up like that, especially a Brock Lesnar against you, you go like, fuck. | ||
| And Shane is kind of breaking here. | ||
| Like, he's really tired. | ||
| Like, he's got him breathing. | ||
| He's just trying to figure out a way to recover, and Brock's not going to let him recover. | ||
| Because if he's defending constantly, then he's still breathing heavily, and then he's not going to be able to get his win back. | ||
| This isn't just like it seems like no one's doing anything, but he's got a fight Brock off him with that overhook. | ||
| He's got to do something to like keep him right now He's not doing shit right now. | ||
| He's just hanging on damn and Brock is catching his breath, too So Shane doesn't even have his hands clasped here. | ||
| He's literally not he's not digging that overhook He's really needed a break here. | ||
| And Brock knows this too. | ||
| So Brock recognizes that he's exhausted. | ||
| So Brock knows probably also that this is the end of the round and he's going to make it out of this. | ||
| And so then when he comes into the second round, he knows this dude's toast. | ||
| Because there's a level that you get to where you're so exhausted, like, you're not gonna be okay in a minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So here's the second round. | ||
| Do you think when he sits down, or when he comes back out right here, he's like, ah, fuck. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Oh, you can see him breathing. | ||
| Yeah, he's already exhausted, and Brock looks way better. | ||
| And Brock is gonna just set it up, look for the moment, but he kinda knows that Shane's toast right here. | ||
| And then he eventually shoots. | ||
| Jesus, man. | ||
| That's something where you just want to be like, let me go home. | ||
| I'm just fucking zapped. | ||
| So he's moving away from the shots now. | ||
| Look, they're like telling him, they're like, get the fuck over there. | ||
| This is good for both of them, too. | ||
| It gives him a chance to recover. | ||
| So he swung in there, tried to land a big bomb. | ||
| Do you think it's similar in any way like being at a job where you feel out of your depth where you're just like, fuck, I'm done. | ||
| I thought this was it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| There's the shot. | ||
| So he gets on top of him and eventually arm triangles and submits him. | ||
| Yeah, so he's just out. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| He gets him in the arm triangle. | ||
| I mean, this is heavy pressure, head and arm choke. | ||
| Heavy pressure. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| He's got to push with his elbow. | ||
| See how his hand is right there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What he really needs to do is what's called answering the phone. | ||
| You put your hand in between Brock's head and your ear so he tapped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was done. | ||
| The defense, and it's not the best defense, but it's the only thing you have, is to get your hand like this. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello. | |
| Hello. | ||
| Because if they just have this completely locked up, you're fucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| You've got to get a little bit of space. | ||
| Our future president, Brock Lesnar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Isn't that in Idiocracy? | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's a former WWF champion. | ||
| Yeah, that would. | ||
| That would absolutely be... | ||
| We would hate Idiocracy. | ||
| I just watched Idiocracy about a year ago, and it fucking holds up. | ||
| Mike Judge is just a man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's amazing. | |
| By the way, Office Space still holds up. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It all holds up. | |
| One of the greatest movies of all time. | ||
| Beavis and Butthead, still funny. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| King of the Hill. | ||
| Everything the guy does. | ||
| He's unbelievable. | ||
| Beavis and Butthead, when I first moved to California in 94, was this shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Couldn't wait for Beavis and Butthead. | ||
| It was the funniest thing on television. | ||
| Cornholio. | ||
| Remember when it became Cornholio when you have too much sugar? | ||
| The great Cornholio on your teepee for my bum hole? | ||
| Dude, I was in middle school and it was like everybody was doing Beavis and Butthead impressions. | ||
| It was like, you just hear the weird kid in the back and be like, that rules. | ||
| And you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| It made being a degenerate dirtbag fun. | ||
| These guys ruled. | ||
| Yeah, the movie was great. | ||
| Beavis and Butthead do America. | ||
| Let me see what he does. | ||
| So he gets too much syrup. | ||
| He's just drinking all the soda. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I am Cornhole. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need TV for my bunghole. | |
| Guy Ross. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| I love that. | ||
| I remember going to see the movie like pumped, like waiting, like getting friends together and being like, Friday. | ||
| Friday night we're gonna go see Beavis and Butthead do America. | ||
| I haven't seen new ones. | ||
| Aren't there new ones? | ||
| Yeah, they're doing new ones. | ||
| Are they good? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you seen them? | |
| Yeah, I've seen a couple. | ||
| Did you like them? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because they watch TikTok stuff now. | ||
| Now they don't watch music videos. | ||
| They watch like what we would watch and make fun of. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Like that poem. | ||
| They would like to watch that. | ||
| It was great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| What's it on? | ||
| Paramount Plus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's like buried on one of those streaming services. | ||
| I have that one. | ||
| Go watch it, because that's like where South Park is. | ||
| They've got a bunch of stuff there. | ||
| Yeah, Paramount Plus has some good shit on it. | ||
| It's just annoying that you have to subscribe. | ||
| Yeah, old Beavis and Butthead. | ||
| They're old now? | ||
| Some of them? | ||
| Yeah, they just did. | ||
| The show I really want to watch is Ronin on FX. You mean Shogun? | ||
| Shogun! | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, Shogun looks amazing. | ||
| They put the two... | ||
| I think there's two episodes out right now. | ||
| I'm gonna watch it tonight. | ||
| After shows... | ||
| What streaming service is that on? | ||
| It's on Hulu. | ||
| It's on Hulu. | ||
| Because it's FX. Yeah, it looks sick. | ||
| I remember the original. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, the original was amazing. | ||
| I didn't know this was a remake. | ||
| Yeah, there was an original show, Shogun, way back in the day. | ||
| Very excited for this. | ||
| I mean, yeah, it was Shogun. | ||
| This looks awesome. | ||
| It's based on a novel. | ||
| Oh, it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I love... | ||
| FX does random shit sometimes and you're like, this is awesome. | ||
| They do some great shit, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They do some great shit. | ||
| They're kind of like what HBO used to be. | ||
| They did The Shield. | ||
| Remember The Shield? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a great show. | ||
| The Shield was very good. | ||
| Michael Chiklis or whatever? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, Shogun American Historical Drama limited series created by Rachel Kondo and Justin Marks based on the 1975 novel of the same name by James Clavel. | ||
| The novel was previously adapted into a 1980 limited series. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| 1980 series. | ||
| Click on the 1980 series. | ||
| Who was in that? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| So, this was... | ||
| Starring, who's the guy? | ||
| Can you find a- Richard Chamberlain, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| This is like when they were letting white dudes play Japanese guys. | ||
| No, he was a white guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he was? | |
| He was supposed to be a white guy living with the shoguns. | ||
| Oh, kind of like The Last Samurai. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's basically like the Tom Cruise movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just stole that idea. | ||
| It's like Shogun was the real person of it. | ||
| Everything's fucking lifted. | ||
| That's totally lifted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the one white guy fucking kicks asses with Samurai. | ||
| Like, good luck, bitch. | ||
| And we're watching that and we're going... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, they were raised to sword fight. | ||
| You shut your fucking mouth, you're going to lose an arm. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| You're going to lose an arm. | ||
| And then the rest of your life, you're going to be like... | ||
| Yeah, you're like... | ||
| And you have no honor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you were a dickhead and they cut your arm off. | ||
| Dude, that would be a fucking... | ||
| And they decided not to kill you and just leave you with no arm. | ||
| But dude, then they shut off contact with the outside world, and then the shogun fell and shit, and everyone was like, yeah, our militaries are advanced by like 100 years now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoops. | |
| And Japan was like, fuck. | ||
| Forgot about bullets. | ||
| We gotta catch up. | ||
| Well, they didn't want to use bullets too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It wasn't an honorable way to kill it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't Bushido. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're one of the only successful cultures that fought off the Mongols. | ||
| I mean, you're talking about my favorite video game of all time, Ghost of Tsushima. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Game's unbelievable. | ||
| It's a video game about the samurais and the Mongols? | ||
| Yeah, it's about the invasion of Tsushima Island by the Mongols, and you, dude, you learn four different sword styles, and you change your sword styles to play. | ||
| Dude, this game, I've played this game, I want to say, three or four times completely. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's unbelievable, and it's open world. | ||
| So you ride around and then you'll duel Mongols. | ||
| There's also no difficulty level, right? | ||
| It's supposed to be pretty hard? | ||
| You can change the difficulty. | ||
| Yeah, you can change the difficulty level. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| You go around, you get armor, you learn how to duel, but you start off after they lose the invasion. | ||
| So this is the actual game? | ||
| This is the cutscene, but then that's the real game. | ||
| That's what it looks like when you're riding through. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| Holy fuck, dude, this is amazing. | ||
| Jin Sakai! | ||
| So you could stumble upon a camp? | ||
| That's what it is, and then you fucking sneak attack. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Right there, this is what you do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| So you can do multiple assassinations. | ||
| Dude, it's... | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| Anyone I've ever told to play this game comes back and they're like, that's fucking unbelievable. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| Ghost of Tsushima rules. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And they said they're due for a sequel, because this came out a couple years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Flaming arrows! | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| You do so much shit that you're like, this is the coolest thing. | ||
| And then you have one-on-one sword fights with Ronins and shit. | ||
| Like, your best friend is a Ronin that betrays you. | ||
| And you have to fight him in an awesome sword. | ||
| Like, big sword duels. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| And your uncle is... | ||
| Kind of like runs it, you know? | ||
| And you have to either, you choose if you go with them or against them. | ||
| It's fucking rules. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dude, it's easily my top three in my top three video games. | ||
| Video games are so next level now. | ||
| Well, they're movies that you play now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're more compelling than movies because you're a player in it. | ||
| Like Last of Us. | ||
| The knock was, it's like, it's not as good as the game. | ||
| Like, you play Last of Us, you're in that shit. | ||
| Or, like, God of War, they'll never make it into a movie, but you play it as a game, and you're like, this is so fucking fun. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You just get into shit. | ||
| Spider-Man 2, the video game, is better than... | ||
| Dude, you're a real video game junkie. | ||
| I'm a nerd, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, you're a junkie for it. | ||
| I'm a junkie. | ||
| Dude, fuck it. | ||
| Right in the veins. | ||
| I, uh, Spider-Man 2, I mean Ragnarok, it's unbelievable. | ||
| Spider-Man 2 is better than any Spider-Man, the video game is better than any Spider-Man movie they've made. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| As a comic book fan, it's better than anything they've made. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Yeah, dude, Balder vs. | ||
| Kratos. | ||
| Graphics is fucking insane. | ||
| It's not as fun as doing gay of war. | ||
| He's like, I want to suck boy. | ||
| Boy, I'm going to suck you. | ||
| Is that what they do? | ||
| No, I just make fun of that. | ||
| Shane and I used to do this thing. | ||
| This is the actual gameplay? | ||
| That's a cutscene. | ||
| Yeah, that's where you fight them. | ||
| Better look out. | ||
| Reds, you can't defend. | ||
| Does he have magic? | ||
| Yeah, it's all about this shit. | ||
| You basically fight against Odin and everyone of all the Norse gods, and they find out that you're a former Greek god. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| It fucking rules. | ||
| Red Dead Redemption 2 came out. | ||
| Shane and I were going on the road together. | ||
| I was taking Shane on the road. | ||
| And we would do this. | ||
| He would joke that I'm such a nice guy. | ||
| He's like, what's your demons? | ||
| Like, what do you do? | ||
| And I was like, it'd be funny if I jerked off homeless guys. | ||
| And that's what came out about me. | ||
| So Shane and I would do a running bit where we would do a homeless guy being like, hey! | ||
| Watch out, buddy. | ||
| You're about to make me come. | ||
| And it's just me being like, shut up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to fucking jack you off. | |
| He's like, oh, hey, man. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Shane and I do that for weeks. | ||
| And then I was out of the country and Red Dead Redemption 2 came out. | ||
| And I just got this voicemail from Shane that was so excited. | ||
| He's like, dude, have you played Red Dead Redemption 2 yet? | ||
| I'm like, no, I'm not home yet. | ||
| And he goes, Arthur Morgan is our homeless jerk-off voice. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| The main character of the voice is a guy going like, well, hey there. | ||
| And we're like, dude, that is our homeless jerk-off voice. | ||
| I'll jack you off under the... | ||
| Hey, mister. | ||
| This is another game where you can do wild shit to people too. | ||
| Wild shit. | ||
| By the way, it's a game you can play four or five times and not find all the stuff. | ||
| Like, they put that much work into it. | ||
| Where they're like, nah, this is layered. | ||
| You can go on treasure hunts and shit that you would never find unless you, like, win after it. | ||
| You don't ever wonder if you're, like, killing too much time doing those things? | ||
| All the time, dude. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Does it give you anxiety? | ||
| Yeah, but I also level it by, like, alright, if I'm gonna spend 30 minutes writing jokes, then I could play, like, video games for two hours. | ||
| Because I'm high, and what else am I going to fucking do? | ||
| Well, that's good if you give yourself a little reward. | ||
| When I quit drinking, my video game went up. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Fills the time. | ||
| Because honestly, like one in the morning, I'll hang out at the cellar until like one. | ||
| And then I'm like... | ||
| Time to go. | ||
| I kind of want to go home and play video games. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| Yeah, I want to go smoke a fat bowl and play fucking Ghost of Tsushima. | ||
| Oh, that's the new Grand Theft Auto. | ||
| Think about the pleasure that that kind of technology gives people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, very much. | |
| People, their lives suck, but their video game lives are awesome. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| And the joy you get is real. | ||
| Yeah, you have to deal with post-video game, post-nut syndrome. | ||
| You're absolutely like, wipe it off your belly and you're like, I was a Greek god fighting. | ||
| My life is bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, I thought Thor. | ||
| But they do incredible shit. | ||
| And that's why it's moving away from movies and shit. | ||
| Spider-Man movies are really cool. | ||
| But when you're actually Spider-Man, and you're flying around New York City, and then you've got to go fight fucking Venom, you're like, this is unbelievable. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| Yeah, and then they're going to get those things to be virtual. | ||
| Yeah, it's drugs. | ||
| Yeah, it's heavy drugs. | ||
| Heavy, heavy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Heavy. | |
| And you better believe, when I get to my hotel in San Antonio, Dan Soda, you're the man. | ||
| Thanks for being here. | ||
| Appreciate you. | ||
| You're always fun. | ||
| I'm excited to work Mothership this weekend. | ||
| Yes, I'm excited you're going to be there too. | ||
| I'm fucking pumped. | ||
| And then tell everybody your social, all that stuff. | ||
| Got a new special out on YouTube called On The Road. | ||
| It comes out March 1st, which is I think today. | ||
| At Dan Soder on everything. | ||
| Subscribe to my YouTube channel. | ||
| I got a podcast called Soder. | ||
| Just having comics come and sit on my couch and bullshit for an hour. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And I'm on the road. | ||
| I'm on the road. | ||
| So, DanSoder.com. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| I'll be out there. | ||
| You will. | ||
| Thanks, brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Appreciate you. |
Export Selection