Feb. 2, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:30:28
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Hey, Jeff Dunn. | ||
| How you doing, fellas? | ||
| Thanks for having me, man. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| I'm a big fan, so... | ||
| You were very funny last night. | ||
|
unidentified
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It was fun. | |
| Oh, thanks. | ||
| It was fun to see it. | ||
| I was telling them before you got here that, like, it's very rare that I got a little nerves. | ||
| Yeah, that club's weird. | ||
| And so when I came out, I was like, yeah, this is a big deal. | ||
| It's been a while since I've had some nerves, and I was coming out there going, oh, it took me like about 30, 40 long seconds to really dial in and go, all right. | ||
| I was kind of having it out of my head going, Joe's watching, and I hope this goes well, you know, because it's such a beautiful club. | ||
| The bar's high. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that whole crowd's going, oh, we're going to see everybody, Tom Segura, Joe Rogan. | ||
| You follow Brian Simpson, too, who's really fucking on fire right now. | ||
| It was just very, very... | ||
| It was just cool. | ||
| It was cool to be in there. | ||
| You got a torch? | ||
| Yeah, there's one right there. | ||
| Oh, that's a torch too? | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You got all the gadgets. | ||
| Shout out to Foundation Cigars. | ||
| They actually made us some Comedy Mothership logo cigars. | ||
| They're really good. | ||
| Is it out? | ||
| Yeah, here. | ||
| Try this one. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| It might be almost out of juice. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| But, um... | ||
| Yeah, I get it. | ||
| I was nervous when I first did stand-up there, too. | ||
| Yeah, it's like that. | ||
| It was my first set there. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I was like, are we really doing this? | ||
| Yeah, it's in your dad. | ||
| Your daddy there. | ||
| We were talking about this for two years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, we were doing it? | ||
| Like, we were all shitting our pants. | ||
| Every one of us backstage was like, fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's such a cool place. | ||
| But the thing is, like, we had been doing so much stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, your whole life. | ||
| To get weirded out by this one set for some reason. | ||
| It's special. | ||
| Yeah, it felt like the audience was like that too. | ||
| They felt a little weirded out too. | ||
| They were like, wow, this is real. | ||
| They got to be there at the very first show. | ||
| I used to feel like that at the store a bit. | ||
| I would literally crush at the Laugh Factory 25 minutes before I walked over to the comedy store and then I was like, I hope Adam sees this. | ||
| For whatever reason, the store has... | ||
| I think every comic has some sort of weird issues with the comedy store. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| All different things, but I don't know how or why. | ||
| Dude, when I was a kid, when I was 21, when I first started doing stand-up, people would talk about the Comedy Store like it was Mecca. | ||
| Like you had to make your pilgrimage. | ||
| This was where Richard Pryor came from. | ||
| This is where Sam Kinison came from. | ||
| It was Mecca. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you only heard about... | ||
| You know, like, this is the spot. | ||
| There was no other one place you had to go. | ||
| Like, you could go to Catch. | ||
| You could go to Catch a Rising Star, which is in New York. | ||
| You could go, which is a great club. | ||
| You could go to the Improv and Melrose. | ||
| That was a great club. | ||
| It's all great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The store. | |
| The store was Mecca. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you got past there... | ||
| Dude, I was already on a television show when I got past. | ||
| And when getting on a television show was cool, it was cool to be on TV. Like, wow, I can't believe I'm on TV. This is nuts. | ||
| But the real thing for me was when Mitzi passed me. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, I think I'm a real comedian. | ||
| I'm a real professional. | ||
| In the beginning, the few years, you feel like such a fraud. | ||
| Any stage time. | ||
| Yeah, you're learning it as you go. | ||
| You're not really sure if you're going to make it. | ||
| Some of your jokes suck. | ||
| Now and then, though, you get one that pops. | ||
| You're like, God, I need more of those. | ||
| I need more like that one. | ||
| That's why so many comics go edgy or dirty soon. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Because they're like, at least a reaction's better than bombing. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I'd rather that than silence. | ||
| And there's always some subjects that just have built-in laughs. | ||
| There's some subjects that you pretty much can't fuck it up. | ||
| It's a topic that people like to laugh just at the top. | ||
| I feel like every comic when you start, tell me if you found this to be true. | ||
| Of course, they all start with the, I know what I look like, or I look like, that you hear that version of that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or they come up with some sort of song lyrics. | ||
| Because songs are poems. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're metaphors. | ||
| So for whatever reason, every comic is like, I was listening to this song the other day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the lyrics, you're like, yeah, because it's a metaphor. | ||
| And you're going to take the most literal route on this writing to make yourself sound smarter than the artist. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| It's kind of like, trying to get to you and that monkey. | ||
| And you're like, he's trying to get to a monkey? | ||
|
unidentified
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And you're like, no, that's the radio edit of booty. | |
| You know, they can't say trying to get to you and that pussy or booty or whatever. | ||
| The real lyric is a thing. | ||
| Well, it's just pop culture, too, right? | ||
| So you really, you're terrified to talk about something that people don't know about. | ||
| You don't want to have to explain something while you're, because then you have to get their full attention. | ||
| It's not an immediate, like if you wanted to bring up LeBron James, you say the name LeBron James, everybody knows who LeBron James is. | ||
| It's an instantaneous reference. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| But if you want to talk about some weird sect of the Christian church that you grew up in, you're like, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| That's a fucking black belt joke. | ||
| You're not there yet. | ||
| You're not ready for an esoteric subject. | ||
| You're not ready for any weirdness. | ||
| I had a comic tell me the other night. | ||
| We did this corporate event. | ||
| I don't want to say his name, because, you know. | ||
| But he's just new. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| He's not guilty of being unfunny. | ||
| He's not guilty of being a bad guy. | ||
| He's just guilty of being new. | ||
| Yeah, like we all were. | ||
| And he goes, what do you think about this joke? | ||
| And it's this wildly insensitive joke about the Bible and Mary. | ||
| And it's a gross oversimplification, but it's also just latently disrespectful. | ||
| And that's okay. | ||
| You know, Louis wants to do that joke. | ||
| You want to do that joke. | ||
| Some people want to limp in on that subject. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| And I go, you can't. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He's looking at me like, what do you mean I can't? | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| You're not ready for that. | ||
| Two months in, you're trying to tackle that? | ||
| It's not going to work. | ||
| You're doing an abortion joke in your first five minutes? | ||
| Settle down. | ||
| These people have no idea who you are, and you're like, it's not going to work. | ||
| Leave that to Bill Burr. | ||
| Leave the abortion joke to Bill Burr. | ||
| Maybe not month one, bud. | ||
| You don't have any idea what you sound like. | ||
| You don't have any idea how other people are perceiving you. | ||
| It's chaos up there. | ||
| It doesn't seem like it should be. | ||
| I feel like we understand it more than most people, which is why so many people think they can do it. | ||
| But even we kind of barely understand it. | ||
| Like, I understand how I do it, but there's a lot of guys, I see them like, I don't know what you're doing, but it's hilarious. | ||
| Harlan Williams. | ||
| I love Harlan. | ||
| Harlan Williams. | ||
| He's so silly. | ||
| He's so silly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you watch him on stage, like, if you wrote that out. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It would not make any sense. | ||
| Sir, can you please look away? | ||
| I'm trying to perform up here. | ||
| I'm fucking dying. | ||
| He was on Kill Tony and he brought a checkbook and started just writing checks to people for like a million dollars and it just became this running gag. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| He had Jeff Ross roast a roast. | ||
| He pulled out a roast, and he put two little googly eyes on it, and he goes, I want you to roast this roast! | ||
| And that's only Harlan can do that. | ||
| Only Harlan. | ||
| If anyone else did that, I'd be like, get this dog shit out of here. | ||
| But Harlan Williams, it's perfectly his voice. | ||
| I've known that guy for probably 25, 26 years. | ||
| He's always been super cool. | ||
| No one hates Harlan Williams. | ||
| No one. | ||
| You will never meet anybody who doesn't like Harlan Williams. | ||
| He isn't like, but is exactly like Norm Macdonald, where he's got his own thing. | ||
| His own thing. | ||
| And they're both Canadian, and they're not similar, but they're both these unique, one-of-a-kind men. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't vary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's always that guy. | ||
| He's always like this super sweet guy. | ||
| That guy offstage, onstage. | ||
| Hey, fella! | ||
| What a great club! | ||
| You pumpkin pie haircut freak! | ||
| He improv'd that on the movie Dumb and Dumber to Jim Carrey. | ||
| And it stays in the script. | ||
| That's how... | ||
| Yeah, no, that's Harlan. | ||
| He's such a fun guy. | ||
| But, like, I don't know how he does it. | ||
| Imagine being Harlan's comedy coach. | ||
| Like, I don't know what to tell you. | ||
| Yeah, just do you, dude. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how to tell you. | ||
| William Montgomery's another one. | ||
| Have you seen William? | ||
| He's a young guy from Austin. | ||
| He was in L.A. for a while, then he came out here. | ||
| His comedy is so... | ||
| I wish I could, like, do one of his bits, but I don't want to give up some of his material. | ||
| Oh, you got a kid that works at Mothership who I'm obsessed with. | ||
| And I don't know if he'll be a star. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never been able to predict any of this shit. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| If you'd have asked me if I'd have thought a lot of these people that became stars are stars. | ||
| I'm not a good read of this. | ||
| But I do know a brilliant comic when I see one, a Casey Rocket. | ||
| Oh yeah, he's very funny. | ||
| Well, here's the difference. | ||
| For me, here's the difference, is when you watch me, you go, oh, I know who Jeff's inspired by. | ||
| You know, he likes Patrice, he likes Norm, he likes these truth-tellers, and he loves The Simpsons. | ||
| And if you know that formula when you watch me, you go, that's what this guy liked. | ||
| That's what he watched, you know? | ||
| Um... | ||
| No one's doing what Casey Rockett's doing. | ||
| No. | ||
| So at least it's different enough that you, like, whether you love it or hate it, you go, I've never seen it before. | ||
| Well, even if you, well, first of all, you should appreciate that, but then also appreciate that whatever he's doing, it's funny right now, and he's gonna get better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's gonna get even more better. | ||
| I watched him, and I don't know if you'll like me saying this, he didn't do too great on the show that I watched, and I'm in the back going, whatever that is, sign me up. | ||
| I'll watch that. | ||
| He varies, but he does well a lot. | ||
| He does well a lot. | ||
| He's got real potential. | ||
| He's a funny dude. | ||
| He did like six minutes on Jimmy Carter. | ||
| Kid's in his 20s, and he's doing Jimmy Carter jokes. | ||
| And I'm in the back on, no one's gonna... | ||
| Because, you know, it was like a bar show in Manhattan Beach, and they want some race hustling jokes or whatever. | ||
| Oh, yeah, if you're doing a bar show in Manhattan Beach, that's... | ||
| Boy, that's hit or miss. | ||
| It is hit or miss, yeah, for sure. | ||
| Boy, those are good for, like, just stress testing the vehicle, though. | ||
| And who cares? | ||
| If the joke doesn't work, you can, you know... | ||
| I watched you last night for... | ||
| Probably 30 minutes of the hour that you did. | ||
| It seems like you're having a lot of fun. | ||
| I'm having a lot of fun. | ||
| Is this new, or is this a... | ||
| I mean, I've seen you a bunch of times, but I mean, like, it's been a few years, I think, since I got to see you on stage. | ||
| And you seem like you're having so much fun. | ||
| I'm having a good time. | ||
| That's inspiring to watch. | ||
| Yeah, well, first of all, you know, I'm in a place where I can do whatever I want, so I'm doing as much stand-up as I want. | ||
| And I'm doing it specifically just to make the stand-up better. | ||
| Like, that's how I think about it. | ||
| All I'm doing is, like, I treat it like, well, what is the most important thing of it? | ||
| The most important thing is the show. | ||
| Like, try in some way to, like, always tweak it. | ||
| Always make it better. | ||
| Figure out what you're doing. | ||
| Add a thing. | ||
| And to have all this opportunity for stage time at the club, I basically set up a residency in my home city. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| It's pretty sweet. | ||
| It was fun to watch. | ||
| It's fun, dude. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I like seeing that more than I like seeing a lot of things in our business. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I like comedy so much. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I went on the road with this guy named Kermit Apeo from Washington State. | ||
| Yeah, a road dog and a really talented guy. | ||
| He won Seattle International Comedy Competition, which when I first started comedy, that was a huge deal to us up in Seattle. | ||
| And he brought me on the road. | ||
| I was terrible. | ||
| I was a terrible open-miker that got some laughs. | ||
| I was a king of the open-mikers in Seattle. | ||
| And so he brings me on the road to open for him. | ||
| And he goes, you know, the only reason I'm bringing you on the road is you make me like stand-up comedy again. | ||
| You're so excited about it, and the way you don't shut up about it, and you wanna tell jokes, and you wanna write jokes, or you tell me, like, hey, last night after that bit, have you thought about adding this? | ||
| And, like, you make me remember that I like it. | ||
| And I do feel like, and I've been doing comedy since 2005, I do feel a little bit of that, where I'm looking for someone to... | ||
| I loved being in that green room and hanging. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| I love the stand-up part, but that's really fun. | ||
| I don't want to just perform and go home. | ||
| I want it to be in the comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I like that part of it. | ||
| Yeah, we feed off each other. | ||
| That's the reason why I created the club. | ||
| We were already performing out here. | ||
| We started performing out here in November of 2020, indoors. | ||
| And it was sketchy. | ||
| There was a feeling of sketchiness. | ||
| I remember we got really high one time, and I went on stage. | ||
| I was like, this is so not safe. | ||
| It's like the middle of COVID. And they have indoor shows packed. | ||
| The social distancing had sucked my dick. | ||
| There was no social distancing. | ||
| It was just packed. | ||
| Everybody was just going out like they were going out. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| How many of you guys have had COVID? Like fucking half the crowd already had it. | ||
| And we're fine. | ||
| Yeah, it was wild times, but what we needed was a home base. | ||
| And I was like, this place that we're at, the Vulcan, which is a really fun place to play, and a really fun place to see stand-up. | ||
| It's a real fun room. | ||
| But I wanted to do it where we had full control of it. | ||
| It was just comics. | ||
| We have a group of humans that are really good at an art form, and I say, what do you think we should do? | ||
| And everybody's suggestion got in there. | ||
| The reason why the ceiling is the height that it is, because I took Louie. | ||
| And Louie went and looked around, and he goes, can you lower the ceiling? | ||
| And I said, I think we can. | ||
| Can we lower the ceiling? | ||
| And I brought over the construction guys. | ||
| I'm like, what can we do? | ||
| And like, yeah, we can get it down three more feet. | ||
| He's like, get it down as low as you can get it. | ||
| We just wanted to make sure that we could see from the balcony. | ||
| That was the critical thing. | ||
| Like, make sure the ceiling didn't impede the view from the balcony. | ||
| So we got to right where it doesn't. | ||
| And then it really tightened the room up. | ||
| But he also told me... | ||
| Because comics like to hear that sound of echo, but that sucks. | ||
| It sucks for the sound. | ||
| You want the sound to be as clean as possible. | ||
| You should make everything almost like a sound studio. | ||
| Have you done the old Ice House? | ||
| Yeah, I love the old. | ||
| No one bombs there. | ||
| All that hardwood that pops. | ||
| The comedy pops there. | ||
| It's also great crowds out there, too. | ||
| But the structure of the building adds to the sound. | ||
| But you don't really necessarily want that. | ||
| You really want the actual laughs and everybody to hear everything you're saying. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| Wait, do you think there was a problem with the ice house in the old way? | ||
| Like the way it was too easy and popped? | ||
| It wasn't a problem because it was a really small room. | ||
| But it would have been a problem in a slightly larger room. | ||
| It gets slightly larger and those echoes get weird. | ||
| They get weird in corners. | ||
| That's one of the things about the Vulcan. | ||
| I've had friends come to the show. | ||
| And they would go, we couldn't hear right where we were. | ||
| We had to move. | ||
| I go, what was the matter? | ||
| Everything was echoing. | ||
| I was like, oh, no, really? | ||
| So I guess there was like, you know how sound works and hard surfaces and corners. | ||
| If you're in like the back of, you know, a little corner area and sounds coming from a speaker pointed a specific direction, it's probably not set up for comedy is what I'm trying to say. | ||
| So we decided to just set it up. | ||
| From the jump. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Like the best way we could, you know, the whole tunnel system, the whole, there's an elevator. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| It's literally, you've made, it's a masterpiece. | ||
| So when we opened it, it was nerve-wracking. | ||
| It was like, what are we doing? | ||
| Me and my buddy Brant, this was literally last weekend. | ||
| I think it was last weekend. | ||
| We're playing a club, and the club's great. | ||
| I don't want to name it because I'm about to say something that's not great about the acoustics. | ||
| But he gets on stage, he's crushing, and he's doing all these little bullshit savers, you know? | ||
| Like, well, that did better last week. | ||
| You know those little things you say after a joke does bad? | ||
| And the crowd's looking around going, what is he talking about? | ||
| So then he does another joke, and then he's like, alright, you guys don't like... | ||
| And he keeps narrating, but like, Brant, you're crushing, but I can't talk to him, he's on stage. | ||
| And so then I get on stage, and I'm like, fucking tough crowd, man. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Oh, you can't hear them. | ||
| Couldn't hear. | ||
| I thought I was doing bad, and Brant's like, that was amazing. | ||
| And then Brant was doing amazing, and he thought he was doing bad up there. | ||
| So we came up with a cymbal for the next shows. | ||
| How far was the audience from you that you couldn't hear? | ||
| We heard laughs. | ||
| We heard laughs. | ||
| But we just don't, we're used to a sound as a comedian of what killing is. | ||
| So, you know, we get laughs on every sentence. | ||
| Doesn't mean you're killing. | ||
| And so we were just saying this. | ||
| So me and Brian came with like a code. | ||
| We're like, alright, this means don't worry about it. | ||
| You're doing good. | ||
| And if it is that the joke sucks or the bit sucks, we'll do this. | ||
| Like, hey, it's you. | ||
| It's you that is... | ||
| But you need to know, is it me or is it the crowd? | ||
| You got like a line coach. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's because that sound is so important. | ||
| If you think you're doing bad, and the crowd doesn't think you are, or vice versa, that's a problem. | ||
| Bro, did you watch any of the Zoom comedy people tried to do? | ||
| Joe, I was one of the Zoom people. | ||
| No! | ||
| I had to, dude. | ||
| I had to. | ||
| Hey, I would have done it. | ||
| I would have done it. | ||
| I had one corporate event that was like $10,000 corporate that was supposed to be in a theater. | ||
| And then they're like, well, we can't now because COVID. So I'm thinking, I just don't give that money or they're going to have to reschedule for another time. | ||
| And they go, but we can do it on Zoom. | ||
| And I was like, well, that's 10 grand. | ||
| And I would do it. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| So you did a corporate gig on Zoom. | ||
| Yes, and I couldn't hear them because their things aren't on. | ||
| It's a bunch of people. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, it was a nightmare, Joe. | ||
| Also, I gotta say it's really nice for me to be here because during COVID, I was like enemy number one in Los Angeles in a lot of ways. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'd have people at my house. | ||
| I was like, I'm not doing this shit. | ||
| I was like the only guy who was actually putting on his story like, I'm not doing this. | ||
| I'd go to coffee shops. | ||
| I'd wear a mask when I'd be one of those guys. | ||
| I'd wear the mask in the store, but then I'm gonna drink my coffee. | ||
| I'm gonna drink it through a mask. | ||
| So there were comics who are now cool with me again, but at the time were like, can you believe Jeff Dye is just not taking this serious? | ||
| I wish I lived in a place like this or Florida or something during that lockdown. | ||
| Well, I kind of saw what was going on In the beginning, but I was hoping that we would come out of it and it really would just be a couple weeks and everything would be back to normal. | ||
| But when it got to a month and there was no talk at all about reopening, and then there was talk about it might be six months, it got real weird. | ||
| And then there was the George Floyd riots. | ||
| And then there was the lines outside the gun stores. | ||
| And I was like, okay, I see where this is going. | ||
| I'm getting the fuck out of here. | ||
| So I came out here in May of 2020. That's when I first started looking. | ||
| Found a house. | ||
| Moved in August. | ||
| So that quick. | ||
| In August of 2020, I'm like, see ya. | ||
| And it was in the middle of my Spotify deal. | ||
| The beginning, excuse me. | ||
| Not even the middle. | ||
| Spotify deal hadn't even started. | ||
| It started from out here. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| They were like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| As from us, going, what do you mean he's moving? | ||
| Also, you're a weed guy. | ||
| We're going Texas? | ||
| He's going to go to Texas with the weed? | ||
| Well, apparently it's decriminalized here in Austin. | ||
| Praise Jesus. | ||
| Then I heard that Ken Paxton is trying to sue the city of Austin, who I've met is a very nice gentleman. | ||
| Ken, how dare you? | ||
| What's he suing it for? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it has something to do with the marijuana laws. | ||
| Listen... | ||
| Maybe it has something to do with something other politically, like they sue you for this so you refund the police. | ||
| I don't know how all that shit works, but there's a lot of weirdness when it comes to that. | ||
| Ken Paxson sues Texas cities, including Austin, for decriminalizing weed. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| But why, Ken? | ||
| This is stupid, Ken. | ||
| Don't get involved in this. | ||
| This is a dumb perspective. | ||
| The whole law is dumb, and it was based on fraud from the very beginning. | ||
| If you look at the history of why marijuana is illegal, it goes back to William Randolph Hearst and Harry Anslinger. | ||
| They conspired. | ||
| That's the reason why they made movies like Reefer Madness. | ||
| They wrote all these stories in the newspaper about marijuana and how marijuana was causing blacks and Mexicans to rape white ladies. | ||
| Which turned out not to be true. | ||
| They made this shit up. | ||
| Well, you know, you can find instances. | ||
| There's a lot of people. | ||
| But the point is that they made all this shit up just so they could stop hemp because they had come up with a new method of processing hemp fiber. | ||
| There was a new machine that was invented called a decorticator. | ||
| And the decorticator allowed them to economically effectively process hemp without using slave labor. | ||
| See, when they stopped using slaves and then when they started picking cotton, people moved from hemp to cotton. | ||
| But cotton sucks compared to hemp. | ||
| Hemp is a way better cloth. | ||
| It's way more durable. | ||
| It's like, my friend Todd says it's like an alien plant. | ||
| Because it is like an alien plant. | ||
| There's nothing like it. | ||
| You could use its fiber to make clothes. | ||
| It's the best clothes on earth. | ||
| Like the most durable, like I have a hemp jujitsu gi, that fucking thing never rips. | ||
| When I get caught in gis, these motherfuckers, like after like a few months of hard rolling, this thing start getting loose. | ||
| And they start ripping. | ||
| And you know, if you had a gi for a year or two years, it's probably got a ripper tuning in already. | ||
| The hemp keys don't rip. | ||
| You can take hemp paper, and you can barely tear it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I've never known less about a subject than hemp or any of this stuff. | ||
| I got fascinated because my friend Todd McCormick had a hemp stalk on his table, his desk table. | ||
| And he goes, pick this up. | ||
| And I pick it up, and it feels like there's nothing there. | ||
| It's like styrofoam. | ||
| But it's hard, like oak. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| It's a fucking weird plant. | ||
| You can make houses with it. | ||
| They use something called hempcrete. | ||
| And it's hemp and it's mixed together with some sort of a solvent or something that solidifies it. | ||
| And it's way more durable than wood. | ||
| A living house. | ||
| It's stronger than concrete. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
|
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It's wild. | |
| It's a crazy plant, dude. | ||
| And the fact that it's illegal because it makes people happy and makes food taste better. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
|
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Just shut the fuck up. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It doesn't kill anybody. | ||
| Alcohol's killing people every day of the week. | ||
| They're dying of liver poisoning. | ||
| Everyone's dying of opiates. | ||
| Fentanyl's killing everybody. | ||
| Weed kills nobody. | ||
| I've always said the best way to get killed by weed is you take a 35-pound bag of it and drop it on your head from a CIA drug plane. | ||
| That's how people die from it. | ||
| That's how you die from weed. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| I had a buddy who was flying, he was driving from Boston, Randy Valerio. | ||
| He was driving from Boston with marijuana products. | ||
| But it was medicine in Boston, you know? | ||
| And he's driving, he's moving to LA to live. | ||
| And as he's driving through Texas, he gets pulled over. | ||
| So it's legal in Boston, and it's legal in LA, and it's considered medicine in these two places. | ||
| But if he takes his medicine through Texas, Yeah, you can't. | ||
| Felony charges. | ||
| Yeah, it's Schedule 1. It's a real drug. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Well, it's a dumb thing, man. | ||
| Like, this is not a dumb country. | ||
| We're super educated now. | ||
| We have amazing access to information. | ||
| This is not 1930. This is not a confusing time. | ||
| This is a time where we know exactly what things do. | ||
| Now, This is also important to say. | ||
| Some people should not smoke weed. | ||
| Some people should not eat weed. | ||
| Some people should not do any psychedelics at all. | ||
| Some people have mental health problems already. | ||
| Some people are prone to schizophrenia. | ||
| And I've seen people fucking snap from weed. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I've not seen that. | ||
| I think it's important to talk about. | ||
| Look, it's just not me. | ||
| But I've seen people, like Alex Berenson wrote this book called Tell Your Children, and it's all about, there's like a certain percentage of people that take high dose THC that experience psychotic states. | ||
| There's this lady in LA who stabbed her boyfriend 108 times off one hit. | ||
| He gave her some crazy, super potent weed. | ||
| She went wacky, stabbed him 108 times, and the fucked up part is she only got two years probation. | ||
| Yeah, that's wild. | ||
| Two years probation. | ||
| That's a whole different problem. | ||
| That's a different problem. | ||
| That's a crazy problem. | ||
| We were just like, imagine if it was a dude. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And his excuse was, I got high. | ||
| Hey, you're getting weed. | ||
|
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I was high. | |
| I had to stab her 108 times. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| You're in jail forever. | ||
| Women complain about all these social issues, but you know where women crush us? | ||
| Courts? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, in the courtroom, there's no bigger privilege than being a woman. | ||
| And by the way, no one, no one gives a fuck if your wife beats you up. | ||
| Oh, at all. | ||
| At all. | ||
| A baseball player in the 90s, Chuck Finley, got beat up by his wife, and he's like, I don't want to hit her back. | ||
| I'm a big guy, you know? | ||
| So he just called the cops. | ||
|
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He just takes it. | |
| Yeah, he took it. | ||
| He just called the cops. | ||
| But then if you read all the people commenting, like, oh, come on, dude. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just let her hit you, dude. | ||
| Just block. | ||
|
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Yeah, block. | |
| The problem is you should never be around anyone who wants to hit you, whether it's a friend or whether it's a girlfriend. | ||
| You should never be around a person that wants to strike you. | ||
| At all. | ||
|
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At all. | |
| That's just the rules. | ||
| It's like we all have... | ||
| We all sometimes are angry, but you don't express yourself that way. | ||
|
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Right. | |
| It's stupid. | ||
| You know my favorite Joe Rogan moment? | ||
| One of? | ||
| What? | ||
| Everybody references your podcast. | ||
| People reference the UFC. They reference your comedy. | ||
| On Fear Factor, when that guy... | ||
| You don't get to hit people to that girl. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And then he tried to defend his wife's honor. | ||
| You go, no, no, no. | ||
| If you guys want to hit each other at home, you can do whatever you want. | ||
| But you don't get to hit people just because you're upset. | ||
| And then he tried to come to you, and you grabbed him. | ||
| And everyone realized real quick. | ||
| I mean, maybe at that time it wasn't public knowledge how trained you were at fighting and stuff. | ||
| All I did was grab his neck. | ||
| Yeah, but you shut it down quick. | ||
| No TV host has ever shut down a conflict that fast. | ||
| Well, that guy they'd warned me about. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| He had a history of violence, and he had done some violent things on some other reality shows. | ||
| Dude, it was amazing. | ||
| They were like, fire the security on the show. | ||
| Joe's got this. | ||
| There was no security. | ||
| That was part of the problem. | ||
| That was around maniacs. | ||
| That was a big show. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| There was zero security. | ||
| There was zero security. | ||
| There was me and a bunch of random maniacs that were trying to eat bull dicks and jump off buildings. | ||
| We don't need security. | ||
| And some of them were super sketchy. | ||
| That guy was... | ||
| He maybe could have hit me. | ||
| He was thinking about hitting me. | ||
| When he got in his face, his body was so tense and he got so close to me. | ||
| The thing about, people have to realize about getting punched, this is very important to know, sucker punching works because your reaction time is far slower than action time. | ||
| Action time is very fast. | ||
| It's probably five to ten times faster than reaction time. | ||
| So if I go like that and I hit you, by the time you register that I've turned my shoulders and that my fist is heading in your direction, You're hit, and you're going to get knocked out. | ||
| You're going to be unready for it. | ||
| Your jaw's going to slide back. | ||
| Your head's going to snap sideways because you're not resisting it. | ||
| Your brain's going to wash around inside your head, and you're going out, unless you're a tank. | ||
| You're a big fucking Samoan dude. | ||
|
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And then he's going to look at you and go, mate, what a fucking terrible thing you've done. | |
| And then he's going to eat you. | ||
| Joe Rogan says, sucker punch. | ||
| That's what I got from that. | ||
| I got a sucker punch if I'm gonna win. | ||
| Well, just sucker punching is something that people do. | ||
| So if someone gets that close to you, even a trained fighter has to be prepared for a sucker punch. | ||
| Didn't it kill Houdini? | ||
| No, no, he got punched in the stomach. | ||
| He had a gag that he would do where he would let people punch him. | ||
| But I think there was something else wrong with him, too. | ||
| He was doing a lot of weird shit. | ||
| I know, I'm jumping around a lot. | ||
| Yeah, he had appendicitis. | ||
| Isn't that kind of funny? | ||
| We just get up there and do jokes. | ||
| But a magician will do a trick and then be like, also, someone come punch me! | ||
| That's not a magic trick. | ||
| That sounds like something a frat guy, like a big Samoan guy would say. | ||
| Someone punch me. | ||
| But there's like no magic to it that will really work. | ||
| Like if someone says, kick me, there is no magic that's gonna save you. | ||
| That's so silly. | ||
| There's no magic. | ||
| You can't tighten up your abs and let me kick you. | ||
| This is my magic trick. | ||
| You're gonna get really injured. | ||
| You think you punch good? | ||
| I'm a magician. | ||
|
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That's so stupid. | |
| Fabricadabra! | ||
| Francis Ngato will put liver punching you. | ||
|
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Fabricadabra! | |
| David Blaine will do that. | ||
| He'll do seven things that you're like, this guy's a witch or a warlock or something. | ||
| But then he'll be like, and now I'm going to live in a box above New York City for a month. | ||
| And you're like, don't do that. | ||
| That's not magic. | ||
| He made me stab him with an ice pick. | ||
| I stabbed his arm with an ice pick. | ||
| I went through his arm to the other side with an ice pick. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| He did that to Ricky Gervais or something, and Ricky Gervais is just like, why? | ||
| That's the best answer to most magic. | ||
|
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Why? | |
| This is the answer to the Houdini thing. | ||
| It says, on Friday morning, October 22nd, in his dressing room at the Princess Theatre in Montreal, he was punched hard in the stomach by an excitable McGill student, Jay Gordon Whitehead, who wanted to test the theory that Houdini was capable of withstanding hard blows to the abdomen. | ||
| A week later, Houdini was dead. | ||
| Excitable. | ||
| Is that really what killed him or was it appendicitis? | ||
| Did you say it was appendicitis, Jamie, that you read that? | ||
| Great headshot. | ||
| Maybe you can rupture someone's appendix with a punch. | ||
| Oh, so that's how it happened. | ||
| Which is the inflammation of the odominal wall. | ||
| His appendix was removed, but the poison from the ruptured appendix was already in his bloodstream. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| Maybe, I mean, it makes sense. | ||
| I know guys lose their spleens from really bad accidents. | ||
| You can, you know, if your body gets damaged, they could remove your spleen. | ||
| It might be like it fucks your appendix up, too. | ||
| I mean, it makes sense if something's hitting it. | ||
| These UFC guys, I mean, the blows they take for this kind of stuff. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| You get too accustomed to it. | ||
| It's so normal for me to see guys fight. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| Like I'm super accustomed to it. | ||
| But it really is shocking. | ||
| It is. | ||
| If you just step back and watch like a real high-level fight, the impact. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
|
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Shocking. | |
| If it was dogs, it'd be illegal. | ||
| Like, you watch UFC fight, you go, you know, we couldn't do this, if this was dogs. | ||
| Like, I can't believe, I can't believe what, and there's people gathering around, people, I'm gamblers, you know, and you're just going, I don't think that this should be allowed, but they do it. | ||
| I know, it's wild. | ||
| When, every now and again, I mean, it always, I'm always aware of how dangerous it is for the fighters, and how wild it is to see, and But every now and then someone would get really injured. | ||
| And when I'm like, oh shit. | ||
| Like when Chris Weidman broke his leg. | ||
| I was like, oh shit. | ||
| Or when Anderson Silva broke his leg. | ||
| That's the one I'm thinking of. | ||
| He had that clean break on his shin. | ||
| They both had it. | ||
| This is the craziest thing. | ||
| It's only happened four times in the UFC. And two times have been with Chris Weidman. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Crazy! | ||
| I don't know who that guy is. | ||
| I don't watch a lot, but I saw the silver one and I go, eugh! | ||
| He was striking him and he broke his leg. | ||
| That's the one I saw a lot. | ||
| Weidman was UFC middleweight champion at the time. | ||
| That's Weidman, and he was defending his title against Anderson, who he beat in the first fight. | ||
| And then Anderson just threw that. | ||
| So gross. | ||
| Oh, so disgusting, dude. | ||
| And he had hurt it on a check earlier. | ||
|
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Boom! | |
| Yeah, it just gave out. | ||
| Chris said that he checked it earlier, and he thinks that it'd hurt. | ||
| Like, check means when Anderson throws a kick, you lift up your leg and you try to get it where his shin hits the top of your, like, right below your knee. | ||
| Because that's, like, indestructible. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So it's like, what's the weakest point? | ||
| The middle of your shin, if it hits that top area of the knee, that top area is not giving. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| Because it's also, it's like, you can take a shot like that pretty hard, but in the middle of the shin, you got all that crazy leverage, and down there where Anderson broke his, think of how thin that is compared to the bones at the top. | ||
| So something had to give. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| Well, not all the time, but... | ||
| You see it? | ||
| It's happening a lot more now because so much stuff is filmed. | ||
| I've seen a dozen of them at least. | ||
| It does happen. | ||
| I used to work at this moving company. | ||
| It used to be super rare. | ||
| And, you know, when you work at a place like a moving company or like, you know, any of these kind of jobs where they just hire criminals. | ||
| People with criminal records are like, you want to make 20 bucks an hour? | ||
| Just load up this big rig with frozen groceries. | ||
| I've had a lot of those jobs when I was young because I didn't go to college. | ||
| You could tell me if this is real or not, but it's an unreliable source, but this guy's a guy who used to be in the Marine Corps, and they used to tell us, you know, you're gonna get punched. | ||
| You wanna get hit in the face, you wanna get hit right here. | ||
| And we always picked the face. | ||
| Does that make fight sense? | ||
| Or is this guy just trying to be cool at the warehouse? | ||
| I don't think he knows what the fuck he's talking about. | ||
| Okay, fair enough. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, these guys were like... | ||
| Yeah, I take it in the gut all day long over the face. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, but the thing about the face is it puts you out. | ||
| If someone's gonna just hit you, if you know you're gonna get hit and you get to choose where you get hit, you take it in the stomach and you prepare for it. | ||
| It's still gonna suck, but you could take a few. | ||
| If you get punched in the face by the right guy... | ||
| He told us that. | ||
| It blew our mind. | ||
| I don't think he knows what he's talking about. | ||
| I think he was trying to be a tough guy. | ||
| It depends. | ||
| If someone hits you in the liver, like if you get someone who's really good, you know? | ||
| Like Ryan Garcia, he's got this nasty liver punch. | ||
| Oh God, he hits people, they just blap! | ||
| You know, like Canelo Alvarez has a wicked liver punch. | ||
| When you have that shot, it's like a left hook that's kind of almost partially an uppercut. | ||
| You know, instead of coming, it's like a body left hook and they'll slam it right here. | ||
| Right here with the ribcages and the livers right below it. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| It's the worst feeling. | ||
| You get like electrocuted. | ||
| Your whole body shuts off. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
|
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It's like a kill switch. | |
| It is a kill switch. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| And some guys are masterful at hitting that kill switch. | ||
| You know the sad part about this is, Joe? | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| It's been 30 years, probably? | ||
| 25 years I've been telling that story? | ||
| I heard if you had to pick between the face and the thing, you'd take the face. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Don't let somebody punch in the face. | ||
| Yeah, you go unconscious. | ||
| You lose your vision. | ||
| Yeah, you want to be able to see. | ||
| You'll recover from a body shot. | ||
| You might not recover from getting punched in the face. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of buttons in your face. | ||
| Like, you've seen slap fighting. | ||
| They get slapped unconscious. | ||
| Just a slap. | ||
| And they're ready for it. | ||
| And they're like professional slappers. | ||
| Are you shocked that's a sport? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| That comes up on my Instagram things, and I'm going, what are we doing? | ||
| Yeah, and the UFC owns it, so I'm like, okay. | ||
| And there's like big guys that like, you know, they look like my neighbor, Rick, you know, who are just like, now they're pro athletes. | ||
| I do have to admit though, I watch those fucking clips. | ||
| I'm one of those idiots. | ||
| The pro athletes. | ||
| He's putting chalk on his hands. | ||
| He's got rubber bands. | ||
| He looks terrible. | ||
| He's training it. | ||
| He looks like he's at my dive bar, the chimney sweep, just going, all right. | ||
| One of the dudes, they were like, what are you going to do with the money? | ||
| I'm going to get my wife some new titties. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good answer, though. | ||
| What's the best answer you've heard? | ||
| That's the best answer. | ||
| You interview all these guys after that. | ||
| What's the best one? | ||
| What's your favorite? | ||
| I never ask what they're going to do with their money. | ||
| I know, but what's a thing you heard afterwards where you're like, oh, I like that kind of... | ||
| Oh, Derrick Lewis. | ||
| My balls was hot. | ||
| It has to be number one. | ||
| It has to be number one. | ||
| Derrick Lewis just beats this dude and then takes his pants off. | ||
| And he's standing in the octagon with no pants on. | ||
| And I'm interviewing him. | ||
| I'm like, Derrick, congratulations. | ||
| Why'd you take your pants off? | ||
| He goes, my balls was hot. | ||
| I go, I understand, sir. | ||
| Derrick Lewis, Derrick, why'd you take your pants off? | ||
|
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|
My balls was hot. | |
| I understand. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| We weren't ready for that one. | ||
| Jarek is the man. | ||
| I was ready for it. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I mean, my job there is just kind of, you know, I'm not in any way a comedian when I'm interviewing fighters. | ||
| That's a completely different role. | ||
| I never try to make anything funny, ever. | ||
| My job there is just to get out of them the best expression that they can give. | ||
| They're the star. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's just me trying to get it out of them. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Always. | ||
| So, like, I've never, like... | ||
| Connors is pretty good, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, Connors is amazing. | ||
| No, go for... | ||
|
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|
Look what's next for me, Joe. | |
| I'm gonna get that second bell. | ||
| Where the f*** is it? | ||
| Oh, yeah, I remember this. | ||
| I remember this, yeah. | ||
| And he was right. | ||
|
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|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I'm sure you'll get your second bell. | ||
|
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|
But listen. | |
| I've spent a lot of time, Joe. | ||
| Slating everybody in the company. | ||
| Backstage, I'm starting to fight off everybody. | ||
| I've ridiculed everyone on the roster. | ||
| I just want to say from the bottom of me heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody. | ||
| Legendary. | ||
| There it is. | ||
|
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That's pretty solid. | |
| Yeah, because that was what he envisioned. | ||
| He envisioned him standing there with those two belts. | ||
| And he made it happen. | ||
| He really did it. | ||
| Like, there's something to that fucking Oprah horse shit. | ||
| No, it works. | ||
| Of like manifesting things. | ||
|
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The universe, yeah. | |
| The secret, you know, something to that. | ||
| There's something to it, but it's not guaranteed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But believing it works. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| There's something to it. | ||
| There's something weird to it. | ||
| You carry yourself in a different way. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I've noticed that just with getting off the bottle, just my comedy's gotten better. | ||
| Things like that. | ||
| But it's just me knowing, oh, I'm in my right mind now. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I got something now to prove kind of thing. | ||
| Not to make Conor Greger about myself, but there is a thing about getting your shit together. | ||
| Yeah, seeing it and making it happen. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, there's something to that. | ||
| It's not, again, it's not guaranteed. | ||
| It's like it's a part of the equation. | ||
| This is what I like to think about. | ||
| It's not like you live in a land of only fate. | ||
| It's not like you can just make things happen with your mind and random things don't happen to people. | ||
| It's all those things. | ||
| Random things do happen to people. | ||
| Some people are more fortunate to people. | ||
| A lot of it is luck. | ||
| A lot of this whole thing is luck. | ||
| The energy you put out there in the world probably has an effect on the life that you live. | ||
| And if you really truly believe that you can do something and you go for it, People applaud it. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They love to watch it. | ||
| They love to see it. | ||
| And when you make it, it gives everybody else hope that they can do it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
|
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|
That's the reason I like basketball, like Jordan. | |
| We saw someone accomplish something and we go, hey, they did that thing. | ||
| What could be my thing? | ||
| Yeah, there's part of just seeing someone who is the best at anything or just extraordinary at anything. | ||
| It makes you realize that people can do wild shit, man. | ||
| And it might not be the people that you're around. | ||
| It might not be the people that you surround yourself with. | ||
| But just knowing that those other people are out there in the world, you know that there's a higher bar to set. | ||
| You could do it in whatever field you're doing. | ||
| You watch a Mike Tyson fight from the 1980s. | ||
| Just the idea that someone could be that guy was so crazy. | ||
| It made you think that you could get better at everything you do. | ||
| Well, and it's not like Tyson had some silver spoon. | ||
| The opposite. | ||
| Yeah, so you go, look at him. | ||
| Yeah, the opposite. | ||
| I'm sure you know everything about Tyson. | ||
| I'm not going to tell you anything you don't know, but I love they did that documentary where he's like, he's being so sweet about his coach, and he's going, I'm nothing. | ||
| I'm like a piece of shit, you know? | ||
| And they let me live in their house, and he's teaching me boxing, and they're being so nice to me, and these white people, and they're letting me sleep with them in the house, and they're feeding me, and I'm thinking, I'm going to rob these motherfuckers. | ||
|
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|
His instinct was still like, they didn't lock the house up. | |
| I just love his mentality. | ||
| They took a straight kid guarding pigeons from his buddies, and he could be that. | ||
| I'm never going to be a boxer, but I could go, maybe I could do something great. | ||
| Do you ever see the movie The Color of Money? | ||
| It's Tom Cruise and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and she plays his girlfriend. | ||
| She's so fucking hot. | ||
| She's so young and hot. | ||
| It's with Paul Newman. | ||
| I hate watching movies that are older but with hot chicks. | ||
| Oh, she was so hot back then. | ||
| Because now I know that they're not alive no more. | ||
| I think she's still alive. | ||
| Well. | ||
| But anyway, point is she's an amazing actress too and she played his girlfriend and she was talking to Paul Newman and she had this chain around her neck. | ||
| And Paul Newman was like, where'd you get it? | ||
| And she's like, oh, it came from Vincent. | ||
| It was Vincent's mom. | ||
| It was Vincent's mom's. | ||
| And then he goes, did he give it to you? | ||
| She goes, no. | ||
| When I was with my ex-boyfriend, we stole it from his house. | ||
| So she was still wearing Tom Cruise's mom's chain that she stole from his house while they were dating. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| But it was cool. | ||
| It was like, whoa. | ||
| Just to know there's vipers like that out there. | ||
| Yeah, we can all be the viper. | ||
| It's in us. | ||
| Tom Cruise plays this genius pool player that's probably autistic. | ||
| And this is the girlfriend. | ||
| The girlfriend is just like a total hustler. | ||
| Just controlling him, steering him, you know, completely in control of Vincent. | ||
| And if she leaves the room, he panics. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| I feel like I know some women like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They're the fun ones. | ||
| This is Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. | ||
| It's a great fucking movie. | ||
| You know, I watched, I'm gonna slaughter the name, but I was at Terry Bradshaw's house on Christmas and he likes these old movies. | ||
| So he puts in like, it's something like I'll see you in St. Louis or meet me in St. Louis or something. | ||
| It's an older movie. | ||
| And I'm there, I got like, you know, some cigars and we're just watching. | ||
| He falls asleep. | ||
| I'm watching this movie. | ||
| This kind of goes back to what I was saying. | ||
| I like to watch old films with beautiful women like that. | ||
| Because Judy Garland's on the screen, and she's just so pretty and sweet and nice. | ||
| I'm falling for Judy Garland in the movie. | ||
| Oh, she's beautiful. | ||
| I was like, I'm gonna look her up, you know, see what she's... | ||
| And I was like, I'm about 40 years late, and she's just going, oh, yeah. | ||
| But that's how dumb I am. | ||
| I'm getting a crush on a woman that's been gone for 30 years and also didn't age great. | ||
| Well, don't you ever imagine living life back then? | ||
| It's like living with children. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, for sure. | |
| Like, people back then were like, culturally, they were like children. | ||
| But it's kind of sweet. | ||
| Yeah, kind of sweet. | ||
| I know it's a mushrooms idea. | ||
| I'm a big mushroom guy, but like, I always, I don't know how, when you do new mushrooms, When I do Mushrooms, I'm with my friends. | ||
| We're usually in the woods, camping or something. | ||
| I don't like to go to concerts. | ||
| I don't want to be on Mushrooms. | ||
| Too much randomness. | ||
| Yeah, I can't do that. | ||
| Noise. | ||
| I don't want to hear a guy I don't know well. | ||
| I want to be around some people I love. | ||
| I want to be around. | ||
| But I was thinking about like... | ||
| In the old days, we'd ride our horses, and we'd have a little picture of our lady back home, and we'd clean up the horses, and we'd make some food, and we'd whatever, and we'd go, I wonder what's going on out there? | ||
| What do you think's going on out there? | ||
| We might talk about it a little, call it a night. | ||
| We had our responsibilities, we had our little things. | ||
| You knew your girl, and you knew some girls in town, but you knew your woman that you loved and your family. | ||
| And then it's like, now I don't wonder what anyone's doing. | ||
| Can't even escape my ex-girlfriend's breakfast post. | ||
| We know there's got to be some happy medium. | ||
| Those guys knew nothing. | ||
| Kind of a sweet time. | ||
| Kind of a sweet time, but which one would you choose? | ||
| I'm only thinking I want that because I got now. | ||
| Yeah, it's nonsense. | ||
| It's like, what do you want to do? | ||
| Go back to being a chimp and throw shit at each other? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Because they were probably like, what are these people going to live in houses? | ||
| Yeah, but maybe. | ||
| You know, that was one of the things that Genghis Khan... | ||
| You'd crush it as a chimp, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know if you know that. | |
| You'd get to be Joe Rogan of the chimps, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| When Genghis Khan, like, one of his titles was He Who Rules and All... | ||
| It was like something about felt houses. | ||
| So they had such disdain for people who lived in houses. | ||
| Look at them, fat cats with their houses. | ||
| Yeah, they all lived in tents. | ||
| They lived in felt tents. | ||
| So they never had houses. | ||
| They thought you were a pussy if you lived in a house. | ||
| Yeah, you're too protected. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you think about how horrific the Mongol Empire was and what they did. | ||
| The Mongols killed somewhere around 50 to 70 million people during Genghis Khan's life. | ||
| They reduced the population of the planet by 10%. | ||
| They changed the carbon footprint, dude. | ||
| I think Hitler gets too much credit. | ||
| That's the one everyone knows. | ||
| Everyone wants to reference Hitler. | ||
| Nobody's talking about Napoleon or... | ||
| What about what Stalin did? | ||
| Mussolini or Stalin or even the Mongol... | ||
| Like, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, those ones don't get enough kind of like... | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| I used to have a joke about it. | ||
| Like, that you could be a pirate for Halloween. | ||
| Like, you know how crazy it is? | ||
| Like, pirates are some of the most fucking evil creatures that ever existed. | ||
| They're the most famous rapists. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what... | ||
| You go, what do pirates do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Rape and pillage. | ||
| Rape and murder. | ||
| Rape is the first thing... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should be able to be... | ||
| It's synonymous with the title. | ||
| It's like priest child molester. | ||
| You think about it. | ||
| Don't cancel the white girl with the Indian headdress at Halloween. | ||
| You should be canceling the pirates. | ||
| That was not a fair comparison. | ||
| There's way more pirates raped than priests. | ||
| Probably all pirates raped. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Priests that are pedophiles, it's probably only one out of a thousand. | ||
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| Romance them? | ||
| You're only in town for a couple days, Joe. | ||
| I gotta get this stuff, I gotta bang somebody, and I gotta get on the boat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't have time to take her out to dinner. | ||
| Well, they just took over things and killed everybody. | ||
| That's what they did. | ||
| So do you think you'd prefer the old times? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I'm a realist. | ||
| The old times were horrific. | ||
| You died from everything. | ||
| You'd have been a man of that time. | ||
| Yeah, for as long as I lived, there's no way I'd be like this at 56. I would be already murdered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| Somebody would have. | ||
| Somebody would have got me. | ||
| I would have been zigging when I should have zagged. | ||
| I would have caught an arrow. | ||
| Somebody would have fucked me up. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because I'm a talker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wouldn't have been the fight challenge guy. | ||
| That doesn't always work, man. | ||
| Sometimes they just cut off one of your hands. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| There'd be some props. | ||
| After you talk too much, just cut off one of your hands. | ||
| Not even kill you yet. | ||
| Shut that guy up. | ||
| That's what they say. | ||
| Cut off your hand. | ||
| Just to let you know, like, bro, this is so serious. | ||
| Well, like when I watch the cowboy movies, right? | ||
| I really love cowboy stuff. | ||
| When I watch those, I don't identify with the lead cowboy. | ||
| I don't identify with the gunslinger. | ||
| You know what I identify with? | ||
| When they go into the saloon and the guy's like, boys, what do you have? | ||
| And he's like wiping down a glass. | ||
| What are you guys at? | ||
| Pour the whiskey for you guys? | ||
| And then when you guys start fucking shooting, I think I'd be that guy. | ||
| And they'd be like, I like Jeff's bar, you know, that he's got... | ||
| You want to swing by and see Jeff? | ||
| He's always got a little joke for you, and he's got the whiskey in the glass. | ||
| I identify with that guy, and that guy's life's not great. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I think I could do that. | ||
| I think I'd survive that way. | ||
| That's a good way to be. | ||
| That's the best job in Old West, is the bartender guy. | ||
| As long as nobody breaks a bottle over your head. | ||
| I got no problems with anybody. | ||
| You guys start fine and go, hey, I'll clean it up when you guys leave. | ||
| Your problem being a bartender in the old west is you're a little too fucking handsome. | ||
| Would that affect me? | ||
| That would be an issue. | ||
| Yeah, the girls would be talking to you and then the guys would want to kill you. | ||
| Did you ever work the road road? | ||
| I don't know much about your comedy career before you were very successful. | ||
| Yeah, I did the road. | ||
| So I have a joke that I put in my act whenever I'm in a small town. | ||
| It's just in Norfolk. | ||
| And I was like, I'm looking for a Norfolk experience. | ||
| You guys know what it's like. | ||
| A beautiful girl will flirt with me. | ||
| Her big boyfriend will beat the shit out of me. | ||
| And then I'll get out of here. | ||
| That's every small town. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| Some girl, she's hot, but she's got tattoos and a zanny problem. | ||
| And then some girl's like, you were talking. | ||
| I was like, she's talking to me. | ||
| So maybe that would happen. | ||
| Well, there's girls that likes to stick their pitbulls on men. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| One of those chicks. | ||
| And they have a boyfriend who's a pitbull. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they get excited by their man. | ||
| Fight for me. | ||
| Dude, that's real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those girls get you into trouble. | ||
| There was a girl that, the best sexual chemistry I've ever had with a woman. | ||
| And I hate cliches. | ||
| I told you this last night. | ||
| I don't like anything I've heard before. | ||
| So you know the old stupid, like, the crazy ones are the best sexually. | ||
| I mean, you know. | ||
| That's cliche sucks. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's nice girls that are freaks. | ||
| They're really good at that. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| So, but this girl, I hate to say it, you know, she was easily the best sexual chemistry ever. | ||
| But she broke into my house. | ||
| And she, you know, and she also would climb the gate in, like, a Vegas dress. | ||
| You know, I mean, she was the best sexually, but, like, she was a psycho. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A crazy person. | ||
| My friend Tony says that, uh, exotic and neurotic. | ||
| Are closely related. | ||
| Or not, you know, psychotic rather. | ||
| Psychotic and... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| What happened to my voice? | ||
| Psychotic and erotic, right? | ||
| They're completely interconnected. | ||
| They flirt with that line, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They're in there together. | ||
| Tony Zara, shout out to Tony. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, he's dead right. | ||
| There's something about the energy that someone would have that's so unique and so aggressive sexually, like some girl who's just behaving like a complete nympho, psycho, and you're like, oh my god, this is wild. | ||
| And when you're a young guy- Wild is sexy, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're free. | ||
| I can't believe this is how... | ||
| But you don't have good preservation instincts because you wouldn't be friends with a guy like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's a crazy person. | ||
| Yeah, but we talked about it. | ||
| We like crazy people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| Crazy people are fun. | ||
| A lot of my friends are legitimately crazy. | ||
| It's a problem, but it's fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It makes things, it's like, how much can you control the crazy? | ||
| It's like, do you have a Ferrari? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That Ferrari has 700 horsepower. | ||
| Do you know how to drive that? | ||
| Like, how much can you control that crazy? | ||
| Because occasionally you're going to fucking spin out around the corners. | ||
| One of my best friends is a crazy person who, I love him, but he, you know, I can't tell you how often there's some situation where I go, hey, bud. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, we can't do that again at a comedy club, you know? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But he is the guy that I promise you, probably my only friend, who if I went to his house and goes, hey, something bad happened. | ||
| We got to get rid of this body. | ||
| He would just be like, all right, let's do this. | ||
| And I mean, he really would. | ||
| And that's scary a little. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| But that's the kind of humans you want. | ||
| Because all these rules that we have are all just created by humans. | ||
| We've agreed to them as if they're unbreakable doctrine. | ||
| Listen to me and listen very carefully. | ||
| If the power goes out for too long. | ||
| All those rules are bullshit, and that guy who will bury a body for you is the kind of person you want on your team. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Also, if the power goes out, I'm probably gonna show up to your place. | ||
| I got a spot for you. | ||
| Be in the gym. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go, can I just be in your gym? | ||
| I've thought about literally setting up a ranch out here, just specifically for if things go sideways. | ||
| I think you're pretty set up. | ||
| This place is safe. | ||
| It's not that safe. | ||
| Dude, if things go sideways, it's not safe anywhere. | ||
| We have to understand that this society that we have that stays civil and beautiful and equitable and we have all this change that's happening in the world, this is only possible if you can get goods and services to people and if people have access to information. | ||
| It is not hard to shut that off. | ||
| If the power went out in this country, if someone attacked the grid and just destroyed our power grid and destroyed our satellites, if there was a coordinated effort by multiple superpowers to just destroy our satellites, destroy our grid, we would be in chaos quickly. | ||
| Pretty fast, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Quickly. | ||
| Very quickly. | ||
| And then, if it lasts too long and there's some sort of a hostile military takeover of the country... | ||
| You're living in a totally different world than the one you live in now. | ||
| Now you live in China, and you never thought that was possible. | ||
| You thought that, you know, you would be able to just exist here and demand universal basic income, and you would have all these ideas in your head about the border wall is racist, and this and that. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, you live in a world that's unrecognizable. | ||
| And that's just an example of what could happen if someone acts, if a human being does something which is very similar to what other human beings are doing right now all over the world. | ||
| What's happening right now in Ukraine, what's happening right now in Israel, that is human beings launching bombs at people they've never met. | ||
| That's happening for sure. | ||
| The idea that that is not gonna happen here is just stupid. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| If you're living in Gaza right now, Think about that reality. | ||
| Think about the reality of where you used to sleep at night is now rubble. | ||
| Everything around it is rubble. | ||
| If you're lucky, and you can see that because you're alive. | ||
| Yeah, but some women have to deal with cat calling, Joe. | ||
| Listen, it's always good to move forward. | ||
| Like, it's always good to call out bullshit, but at a certain point in time, you need perspective. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Don't clean your bathroom while your fucking house is on fire. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Figure out what the fuck we need to do to make sure we don't blow ourselves up. | ||
| And that's just if humans act. | ||
| The real thing is stuff from somewhere else. | ||
| The real thing is asteroids. | ||
| That's the real one, kids. | ||
| If you look at the moon, that's us. | ||
| The moon is pelted, pelted by asteroids. | ||
| There's craters everywhere. | ||
| You look at every other planet that we could see, they all get hit. | ||
| You look at the surface of our planet, There's craters everywhere. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| This fucking place gets hit a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't like to think about space for those reasons. | |
| Nobody likes to think about it. | ||
| Well, because I can't control anything but me, right? | ||
| And so if I can't even control the people in my... | ||
| You know, the governor. | ||
| Can't even control that guy. | ||
| Space just seems so big. | ||
| Going like, oh, an astronaut. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| What's the plan for an asteroid? | ||
| There's no plan right now. | ||
| I think they've got some theories of how to do something, but last time I spoke to someone who's an expert on the subject, he said it was about 10 years away from them being able to actually Successfully divert asteroids. | ||
| And then also, you've got to spot them all. | ||
| Some of them are coming from behind the sun, and apparently the way the gravity of the sun works, because it's so massive, it distorts the view of things that are coming from behind it. | ||
| Yeah, the asteroid goes, how about a sucker punch? | ||
| You know, just a little sucker punch to Earth. | ||
| They won't be ready. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Bro, have you ever looked at the size of our sun in comparison to Earth? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then looked at other suns in comparison to our sun, the biggest suns that are out there. | ||
| I didn't know there was other suns. | ||
| That's where I'm at, educationally. | ||
| I didn't even know there was other suns. | ||
| Well, stars. | ||
| Other stars. | ||
| Stars are suns, basically. | ||
| But the really big ones are bigger in proportion to when you see Earth and the sun. | ||
| When they see the sun and it, they're bigger than that. | ||
| These things are so big. | ||
| I hate Neil deGrasse Tyson or whatever that guy's name is. | ||
| I hate you. | ||
| You suck. | ||
| In my opinion, I think you're a bozo. | ||
| But he did say a really interesting thing once where he was talking about aliens. | ||
| It might have been to you. | ||
| Why do you hate them? | ||
| Uh... | ||
| Well, he said this thing, I'll get to that in a second. | ||
| He said, he goes, he's talking about life on other planets, and he goes, saying that there isn't life, you know, other than us, is like taking a thimble of ocean water and going, look, there's no whales. | ||
| There's no whales in here. | ||
| And it's really like, that's a great analogy. | ||
| Like, of course there's life out there. | ||
| Yeah, most likely there's life. | ||
| So this is just showing the relative sizes. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| So you go all the way from Earth to the Sun, and now Sirius A, and then look at this one. | ||
| Look at Polux. | ||
| And look at this one, Arcturus. | ||
| Now look how much bigger they are than the Earth. | ||
| Look at this one. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| Aldura. | ||
| Where's this guy? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Wait. | ||
| Just wait. | ||
| Look at this motherfucker. | ||
| What's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that God? | |
| That's a blue hypergiant star called Pistol Star. | ||
| One's just called God. | ||
| Bro, no, look. | ||
| It keeps going, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this one? | |
| No, these are the stars. | ||
| This is how crazy the universe is. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| Stevenson. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| We're not done. | ||
| Look at the size. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, look at the size of a black hole. | |
| Supermassive black hole. | ||
| Look at the size of this one. | ||
| This is blowing my mind. | ||
| Bro, there's black holes out there that are the size of galaxies. | ||
| Joe, if we were on mushrooms right now, I would be quiet for about four minutes after this, just going, okay, can you give me four minutes to just look at your roof for a second? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Look at the size of these galaxies, too. | ||
| 220 light-years across. | ||
| 1,862 light-years across. | ||
| Look at this one. | ||
| 54,000 light-years across. | ||
| There's us. | ||
| 105. Milky Way. | ||
| Do you ever been to a place where you can really see the stars at night? | ||
| Yeah, that's one of my favorite things about being like... | ||
| Camping? | ||
| Camping out in the... | ||
| Just how dark and beautiful it is. | ||
| It's really beautiful. | ||
| It's wild, right? | ||
| When you go, that's up there all the time? | ||
| Do you think aliens... | ||
| Do you think aliens are looking at us going... | ||
| This guy's, he's all losing his mind over a slam dunk. | ||
| You know, he's going like, they're all, everyone on this planet is going, that guy slam dunks the best. | ||
| When you look at the world like, the universe like that, and you go, all these earthlings are wearing the same shirt as that guy that dunks the best. | ||
| Not the guy that survives the best, not the guy that can feed the most or is the most noble. | ||
| We're all losing our mind about the guy that made the most three-pointers. | ||
| Well, I think it all has to do with war. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| How so? | ||
| I think the desire to be good at competitive athletics The roots of it are all in war. | ||
| It all started in war. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| And I think that that instinct to dominate and to get better at one-on-one competition or team competition all started from tactics and strategies in war. | ||
| And that desire, that human reward system is still in our heads. | ||
| And we know that we don't want to do that anymore. | ||
| So we have to find other ways of doing it. | ||
| A little game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I think the aliens would realize, like, oh, their human reward system got hijacked for something that doesn't even matter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I play pool, right? | ||
| I love pool. | ||
| And when I play it, it's like, if you watch it, it's like, why do you give a fuck if the ball goes in the hole? | ||
| Well, it's the goal. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| This coordinated mind effort thing that ignites that part of the brain that wants you to be good at war. | ||
| That's why we love competition. | ||
| It's like a built-in reward system in our mind. | ||
| And then also, if we're a society that's constantly looking to innovate, we're constantly looking for people that are Pushing the boundaries of whatever they do, whether it's music, whatever they do, comedy, pushing the boundary, like someone who's at the front of the line just out there chasing it, because that sort of applies to society as a whole. | ||
| So if someone's doing that in a very public sphere, like playing in the NFL, it excites the energy of the people to do more things. | ||
| I think it's like a tribal reward system that's in our head, too. | ||
| Like a little mini... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I think the aliens would recognize that. | ||
| I hope. | ||
| I think they would say this is probably a normal progression of, you know, territorial apes, then territorial apes with nuclear weapons, and then territorial apes that eventually evolve and then go out into the stars. | ||
| That's probably, it's probably how it always has to happen. | ||
| Neither one of them died, and that one's better. | ||
| Because I don't think with competition, I don't think you ever get the kind of innovation that you have today. | ||
| Or that you've probably had in the past. | ||
| I don't think you build the pyramids without competition. | ||
| There's something about that aspect of the human spirit that we want to compete, we want to win. | ||
| That fuels us in a way that people are embarrassed by, I think, sometimes. | ||
| It's one of the things they hate about Trump. | ||
| We're winning. | ||
| We're always gonna win. | ||
| We're winners. | ||
| They're losers. | ||
| I like that about him. | ||
| They're all losers. | ||
| If you read his book, I don't read any books. | ||
| I listen to books. | ||
| Yeah, I listen to books mostly. | ||
| I listen to about 10,000 books a year. | ||
| That's what I'm doing. | ||
| Joe, I'm reading... | ||
| Ten books a day. | ||
| I heard there's another guy who does that, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Kindred spirit to me. | ||
| So I listen to one book probably every week and a half. | ||
| Because Audible, you can crank them out. | ||
| I'll be playing video games or driving or on an airplane or something. | ||
| So I just listen to a lot of books. | ||
| And I'm trying to think why I brought that up. | ||
| What were you saying before the book? | ||
| Trump winning. | ||
| Oh, yeah, Trump's book. | ||
| Thank you, Jim. | ||
| The Art of the Deal. | ||
| He's always talked like that. | ||
| Even before he was a president. | ||
| So if you know that that's just kind of how he is, you'd have totally understood that that's how real estate guys talk. | ||
| My building's the best and it's the biggest. | ||
| They go, it's not the biggest. | ||
| They go, it's the best hotel. | ||
| That's how he is. | ||
| So once you know that it isn't like... | ||
| He's lying or anything. | ||
| That's how the man is. | ||
| Also, he comes from a different era. | ||
| And by the way, he was celebrated forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| And then they turned him into a monster for the presidential campaign. | ||
| Before that, oh, he turned himself into a monster. | ||
| Initially. | ||
| Because he was claiming that Obama was from Kenya. | ||
| That was a tough hill to die on, too. | ||
| Here's my take. | ||
| Who gives a fuck what patch of dirt you're born on? | ||
| Are we trying to pretend that he was some embedded... | ||
| It was a strange one, that one. | ||
| Yeah, was he like an embedded enemy operative that was going to ruin the country? | ||
| Because I'm not an Obama guy by any means, but I remember being like, I don't care where it is. | ||
| It's a weird thing to care about. | ||
| Like, why do you care? | ||
| Especially Obama. | ||
| I mean, Trump was a lifelong Democrat. | ||
| Like, most of his life he was a Democrat. | ||
| Which is a weird thing to care that this one guy who's... | ||
| Listen, put policy aside. | ||
| I've said this a thousand times, I'll say it again. | ||
| That's the best president we've ever had. | ||
| He's the best representation of what we would hope we would want the world to see of America. | ||
| Very highly educated, well-spoken, even-keeled, emotionally balanced, brilliant man. | ||
| Not too black! | ||
| But also pulled himself up from hard times, single mother, very likable, very charismatic. | ||
| So all those things... | ||
| And you care what patch of dirt he was born on. | ||
| You should really care. | ||
| What are the policies? | ||
| What's good? | ||
| What's bad? | ||
| What's good for business? | ||
| What's bad for business? | ||
| What's good for the world order, the economy? | ||
| What's good for international relations? | ||
| That's what you should be king of! | ||
| Why do you care about what he's born? | ||
| And that's the adverse problem with Trump, is that nobody's looking at the policies. | ||
| They're just going unlikable, talks from the hip. | ||
| And so it's the reverse problem. | ||
| We have a guy who I think... | ||
| I like Trump for being America first, and I like that he's honest and unapologetic about the way he talks about other people. | ||
| Like, if you don't like a guy, you don't like a guy. | ||
| But he's so unlikable that that's what works against him. | ||
| The media also, you've got to realize that for all these years, all these years, they were pushing this... | ||
| Bullshit about this Russia collusion. | ||
| They were talking about the Steele dossier, this fake thing that the Clinton campaign funded. | ||
| They were doing all these things to demonize him. | ||
| At the same time, they were lying about the Hunter Biden laptop. | ||
| It's just you got spoon-fed some bullshit, unfortunately. | ||
| And on top of that, he's an easy guy to hate. | ||
| So it's both of those things. | ||
| He doesn't try to be. | ||
| He never played the game. | ||
| Yeah, he's definitely got some stretches of the truth. | ||
| You know if I was Joe Rogan, you know who I try to hang out with all the time is? | ||
| Who? | ||
| George W. Bush. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| I think he'd be a cool guy to hang out with. | ||
| He might be depressed. | ||
| He might be just painting, thinking about all those people that died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, exactly. | |
| I like to think that he's playing catch. | ||
| Thinking about a million dead Iraqis. | ||
| That's one of those ones, dude. | ||
| If I was president while the Iraq was responsible for that, and I was still alive, I'd be like, check please. | ||
| I don't want this fucking vibe on me. | ||
| There's no way you're having good days. | ||
| If you're a conscionable person, look, we know that weapons of mass destruction shit was bullshit. | ||
| We know it now. | ||
| It's universally accepted. | ||
| That's why that war was started. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And Obama, I mean, he's got a lot of deaths on his... | ||
| A lot of drones. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of drones. | ||
| A different type of... | ||
| Ramped up that fucking sky robot. | ||
| He went for the record. | ||
| The sky robots with missiles are the scariest, dude. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Every Sam Tripoli tweet that I see is of, you know, some robot chasing a soldier and then touching the soldier and blowing. | ||
| You imagine in Yemen... | ||
| Like a video game. | ||
| Imagine being in Yemen and you're on your way to a wedding. | ||
| And there's a whole line of you driving towards this wedding, and you're like, what are the odds we get nuked from the sky? | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| Pretty good odds. | ||
| That's gotta be scary. | ||
| To be in a line of cars headed somewhere in Yemen. | ||
| I just meant George W. seems cool, you know, with the baseball and the cigars and the beers. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I don't want to think about that part of it. | ||
| Your cousin's a terrorist, and he happens to be in the third car back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can't do that. | |
| He's just here for the wedding. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't let the cousin come! | ||
| He's got metadata! | ||
| You should stay home, Andre. | ||
| You know, because that's what they did with some of those drone attacks. | ||
| They attack metadata. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I don't know what metadata is. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| So if you are texting from a cell phone, if you're calling from a cell phone, they can locate that cell phone. | ||
| They can triangulate the area where that cell phone is. | ||
| There's been times where they just send a missile to that cell phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To that cell phone. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| He's in a cafe? | ||
| You could be, that cell phone, your baby could be sitting in the crib playing a game on your phone. | ||
| Like legitimately. | ||
| And the number of people that are Just innocent civilians versus the number of targets that get killed by drones is off the charts. | ||
| You don't even know what your dad does for a living. | ||
| You don't even know how he's making money. | ||
| You're a baby. | ||
| You're like watching a YouTube video. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| You get hit with a missile. | ||
| This is why America's great, is that... | ||
| I don't, you know, we have the luxury of, at least I do, I have the luxury of not thinking about that all day. | ||
| Yeah, you know the people that think about it are the drone operators. | ||
| They go through a very bizarre state of PTSD, apparently. | ||
| See if you can find anything on that, because I was reading something about that, like that's a weird PTSD that the drone operators get. | ||
| To be separated from it? | ||
| It's like playing Call of Duty all day, but you're really killing people? | ||
| Yeah, people are really done. | ||
| You're watching it on a screen. | ||
| I don't think he would want me to say his name. | ||
| I won't say his name. | ||
| But he was like, I met this guy for... | ||
| I'm pretty good at making friends pretty quick. | ||
| I'm just chatting him up at the bar in San Diego. | ||
| Military guy. | ||
| He's all jacked. | ||
| He just seems like a cool guy. | ||
| He's like, oh, I know your comedy, man. | ||
| You're friends with Josh and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| So I just chop it up with him. | ||
| I'm probably talking to this guy for minimum five minutes. | ||
| And I go, what do you do, man? | ||
| He's like, oh, I'm in the military. | ||
| And I was like, you know, San Diego. | ||
| So I go, oh, thanks for your service. | ||
| I do the whole thing. | ||
| I go, you want to see? | ||
| I was like, yeah, I didn't think anything of it. | ||
| He pulls up on his phone a drone attack that he did, and it looks like a video game. | ||
| That's the only context I have of what a video game would look like. | ||
| And there's a guy here, a guy here, a guy here, and he gets the one guy. | ||
| The two guys run away, and then a dog was right next to that guy. | ||
| The dog's fine, too. | ||
| And he was gone. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Got that guy, and... | ||
| Even the dog lived. | ||
| And those two guys next to him, I got him. | ||
| But I've never seen anything like this in my life. | ||
| And I look at this guy and I go, wait, wait, that guy's dead now. | ||
| He goes, yeah, that was, I did that. | ||
| Like, literally, like, last week. | ||
| And he's showing it to me on his phone. | ||
| He's got, like, a saved file to a stranger that he met five minutes ago. | ||
| I don't think that's legal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I bet that footage is, like, highly classified. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I bet you can get really fucked up. | ||
| Well, it's good I didn't say his name, huh? | ||
| The conclusion of a study on it done in 2021, and right here it says, uh, because if they admit psychological issues, they're gonna probably- they could lose their job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So there's not a lot of known- It's like the concussion thing in the NFL. Yeah, like they're saying in this whole study, they know there is something here, but because it's really hard to study and it's all secret. | ||
| I mean, I think it has to be a thing. | ||
| There's no way you could be able to launch missiles out of a robot in the sky and accidentally kill 80% civilians. | ||
| And feel nothing, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is the actual numbers of civilians killed in drone strikes? | ||
| I know we've done this before, but I can never remember. | ||
| But it's kind of nuts. | ||
| It's not like it's 50-50. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be great. | ||
| 50-50 is like negotiable. | ||
| About half, you know? | ||
| You know, the guy's a really bad guy. | ||
| He's gonna kill a million people with a nuclear bomb. | ||
| We could bomb his apartment building and kill a few unfortunate folks that happen to be in the vicinity, but we have to get them. | ||
| That's why it's good to be a comedian. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The decisions I have to make. | ||
| So much better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so much better. | ||
| But also just the thinking about, you know, because the guy that I'm referencing, he didn't make those decisions. | ||
| He's been trained to do that. | ||
| Someone else has to make that decision. | ||
| I just don't think he's supposed to show people that video. | ||
| I don't think you're even supposed to have that video. | ||
| I haven't shut the fuck up about it since it happened. | ||
| That was like four years ago, five years ago. | ||
| I was gone. | ||
| I just couldn't believe it. | ||
| It's what? | ||
| It's fucking nuts. | ||
| Yeah, there's so many of those videos now. | ||
| You can see so much war footage now. | ||
| How do you see all this stuff? | ||
| I remember a long time ago, they showed you two girls, one cup. | ||
| I thought it was Red Band, yeah. | ||
| But your reaction was like, man, this is nothing. | ||
| I've seen... | ||
| And then what you referenced, we all, as fans, go, what is he talking about? | ||
| And then we find that stuff, we're going, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what is the... | ||
| I don't even know what the dark web is. | ||
| Well, you don't have to go... | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Just on Instagram alone. | ||
| Now? | ||
| Yeah, Instagram's bananas now. | ||
| But back then, you knew where stuff was. | ||
| Okay, hold on a second. | ||
| U.S. airstrikes killed at least 22,000 civilians since 9-11. | ||
| So that's the number of people that were killed. | ||
| But what's the percentage? | ||
| Because there was a crazy percentage of casualties that were not... | ||
| You know, they're just civilians. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| Right, but I'm saying, what is the percentage? | ||
| There was a percentage number. | ||
| Something nuts, like over 80% civilian deaths. | ||
| You'd think it'd be like 400, right? | ||
| You go, oops, 400. Not, oops, 22,000. | ||
| The death this year was during Trump, 2017, when at least 4,931 civilians were likely killed, the vast majority in coalition bombings of Iraq and Syria. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| However, going by maximum estimates, 2017 emerges as the worst year for civilians with up to 19,623 killed, almost all in the bombing campaign against ISIS. Death toll from US airstrikes, 387,000 civilians who are believed to have been killed by all parties during the War on Terror. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I take it back. | ||
| I get why the aliens go, oh, I get why he likes the guy that dunks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy did way better than this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unfortunately, no one can imagine a world without that stuff. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| If you said to people, what are the odds there will be no war in five years? | ||
| Everyone's going to say, fucking zero. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| Suggest that civilians make up between 7.27% and 15.47% of the deaths in U.S. drone strikes in Pakistan. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| This doesn't include just those three places. | ||
| It doesn't include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I've heard it like way skewed in the other direction. | ||
| I'm also under the assumption that this data isn't going to be most prevalent in a search. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it seems like there's got to be somebody who compiled that. | ||
| I'm looking, but I still like getting lost in different websites that are old from 2014 when people were talking about this a lot more. | ||
| And there's nothing just like saying the number right up front. | ||
| It's a crazy way to kill people. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Ultimately, we're probably going to look at this the way we look at cannonballs. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, cannonballs now are ridiculous. | ||
| Because we have missiles. | ||
| Why would you use a cannonball when I could just- Can you get a ball wrecking through them? | ||
| We have hypersonic missiles. | ||
| Hypersonic missiles are a real thing that human beings have created. | ||
| They can change direction in the air. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| You can't figure out where the fuck they're going, and by the time you do, they've already hit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They go faster than the speed of sound. | ||
| Imagine a cannonball coming at you. | ||
| You go, he's still using this? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Yeah, so, Murphy misfired claim that 8 out of 10 US drones missed their target. | ||
| 8 out of 10? | ||
| They're saying that this is not the correct quote. | ||
| He fucked up by saying that. | ||
| It's not accurate. | ||
| I'm glad they made it the headline, you know. | ||
| That's good for guys like me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Either way. | ||
| Civilian death toll is calculated between... | ||
| So here's the other problem, too, that I've been told. | ||
| The problem is a lot of times when they get their death numbers, they're getting them from the ground. | ||
| They're getting them from people on the ground, and whether it's ISIS or whoever, will exaggerate the amount of civilian deaths. | ||
| Okay, and so to make it look terrible that I mean this is one of the reasons why you know like Hamas does things in hospitals Yeah, you know, they just killed those guys in hospitals the other day So don't they live under the hospitals and stuff or like that's where the base is supposedly I don't know enough to comment on that But I do know that that's what they've always said these guys operate in places where you can't bomb like hospitals Yeah, it turns out that was true in this case they killed these three guys in a hospital That was true over a five month period in Afghanistan over a decade ago. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That 8 out of 10. 8 out of 10. So what did he get in trouble for saying it for? | |
| So what were you mad at Neil deGrasse Tyson for? | ||
| I'm not mad at him. | ||
| I'm annoyed that a man of science... | ||
| Would say things like, you know, I like to get my information from smart people. | ||
| I like to think that a guy like him, who's very smart, would say a smart thing that has no emotions linked to it. | ||
| You know, like you like to think like, give me the facts, you know, give me some stuff. | ||
| Which he does with a lot of things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Used to really like him a lot. | ||
| And then you'll say something like, you know, someone will say, well, like, biologically, we have a male and a female has chromosomes, different chromosomes than a man. | ||
| You can look at the bones of a man and the bones of a female. | ||
| And despite what's going on in your emotions and in your soul or spirit or whatever we want to label it, if we're just talking about the biological makeup of something, we can put them into two categories. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Forget what your spirit is or your essence or how you feel. | ||
| If we're just looking at the meat and bones and cells and chromosomes of something, we can make biological arguments that there is a male and a female. | ||
| And then his argument goes, why do you care? | ||
| What do you mean, why do I care? | ||
| You're the man of science. | ||
| You should tell me. | ||
| That should be your argument, is that if we're just looking at biology and not the spirit of someone or whatever, the feelings. | ||
| And instead his argument is, why do you care? | ||
| I care. | ||
| I want you to tell people facts about things scientifically, not just go, what does it matter? | ||
| You go, well, when you go on about the cosmos, people don't go, why do you care? | ||
| We care. | ||
| Like, that's not a good scientific argument for things. | ||
| And he's really jumped ship on science, as a science guy. | ||
| Yeah, it's bizarre, but it's a mind virus. | ||
| And it's a mind virus that demands compliance. | ||
| You have to comply to this ridiculous new ideology. | ||
| And a part of that, and this is where it really annoyed me about his argument, was that that should apply somehow to sports. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And this is where this is going. | ||
| This is why it's so crazy. | ||
| That is absolutely insane. | ||
| That's absolutely insane. | ||
| This is not saying that people shouldn't be allowed to be transgender. | ||
| Of course they should. | ||
| You're allowed to do whatever you want to do. | ||
| We can treat them nice, but then also have facts. | ||
| But you cannot just say you're a woman and compete with women in sports. | ||
| And if you support that, scientifically, that is untenable. | ||
| Just scientifically, with the amount of data that we have about the differences between males and females in sports, The gap is so wide that you're going to have your outliers, your extraordinary females, and your weak men, and they're going to kind of cross over. | ||
| They love to use those examples. | ||
| Yeah, but those examples aren't valid because if you take a biological male of normal athletic ability competing against a biological female... | ||
| Who is elite of elite. | ||
| The biological male has massive advantages, especially in things like combat sports. | ||
| So they just passed a thing allowing biological males to identify as females and box females. | ||
| That's crazy to me. | ||
| And I don't know what parameters they have. | ||
| You can't just be making weight. | ||
| Because if it's just making weight, like, holy shit, are you testing testosterone levels? | ||
| Are you making sure? | ||
| Because what are you doing? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| There's a reason it's separated. | ||
| It's so crazy to let them do this because there are people that are legitimately transgender and they, again, should be able to do whatever they want to do. | ||
| But there's also people that are out of their fucking mind. | ||
| Be reasonable. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| And there's people that literally, if you allow them to pretend to be a woman and beat women up, they will do it. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Well, it's funny. | ||
| I use Brendan Schaub. | ||
| In the bit, I'm doing it on my special, The Last Cowboy in LA. I have a bit where I talk about Fallon Fox, right? | ||
| Because I used to be one of these guys. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| I want everyone to laugh. | ||
| I want to be the clown. | ||
| People go, they say, I saw the clown, it made me happy. | ||
| Going to work tomorrow, happy, you know? | ||
| So I used to be one of these guys that goes, I don't, you know, I don't know, ask someone else. | ||
| That used to be me, from Seattle, going, hey, I don't know, I don't know. | ||
| And they say, can you believe they're letting a woman fight in UFC? She's a biological male who... | ||
| It wasn't in the UFC. It was in a smaller organization. | ||
| And then I say to myself, hey, I don't have no opinions. | ||
| But then you watch it, and it's like the one girl in the corner, I'm D'Amica. | ||
| And then they go, versus Fallon Foxx. | ||
| And I was like, oh, maybe I have some opinions. | ||
| Wait, they're gonna let them fight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's when you start going, maybe I do have some... | ||
| And you saw the fight. | ||
| And I go, alright, I formed a few opinions about this subject. | ||
| It looked like domestic violence. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You like that? | |
| We don't like it. | ||
| And then you hear the voice, and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| But you can't watch that and then still be like a tepid guy who's like... | ||
| Oh, you know, I don't really have an opinion on this. | ||
| Let them do what they want. | ||
| Back then, Neil deGrasse Tyson wasn't chiming in like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever. | |
| No. | ||
| He got caught up in that same silly mind virus. | ||
| Look, it doesn't mean you're not a compassionate person that recognizes that there's a whole wide variety of human beings that feel different than you. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And we should be open-minded to that, for sure. | ||
| But you should also protect women. | ||
| You should protect women's sports and protect women that are forced to, in high school, in college, and even in some professional sports, forced to compete against people that have significant physical advantages. | ||
| And I bet a lot of those people are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| How about tell me what percentage of them have mental issues? | ||
| Right. | ||
| What percentage of these people that are doing this have mental issues? | ||
| It's probably a lot, and you're allowing them to get all this credit and all this extra love. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because people lean in. | ||
| You've seen comics lean into their audience and become a different person because they develop a certain audience and they're kind of like, oh, I'm going to lean into that. | ||
| People lean into everything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They'll lean in to being a woman. | ||
| You know, they just decide. | ||
| They're like, look at all the love I get from being a woman. | ||
| You put the lipstick on, oh girl, you look so good. | ||
| Thank you, baby. | ||
| Yas queen. | ||
| And then you're all cosplaying. | ||
| And they lean into it. | ||
| And there's also legit trans people. | ||
| There's legit people that really should be a woman. | ||
| Nature just fucked you. | ||
| You got a shithand of cards. | ||
| Or got all jumbled up or whatever it was. | ||
| And you go, why do you care? | ||
| Well, I'll tell you what. | ||
| If I had a daughter that's trying to get a swimming scholarship, like, then you care. | ||
| Then you care. | ||
| You start to say, well, I'd like someone smart and famous and someone who could be on a thing like this to maybe say these things instead of just going, well, why would you care? | ||
| Some people care. | ||
| There's people that care about these subjects. | ||
| Ari sent me this karate fight the other day. | ||
| I'm already in. | ||
| Between this guy and a girl. | ||
| And it's so quick and so violent. | ||
| It's so disturbing. | ||
| It's so disturbing that someone let this happen in the first place. | ||
| And I think they're both black belts. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And this guy manhandles this lady so quickly and so awfully. | ||
| If you can't find it, I'll find it. | ||
| You want me to send it to you? | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| They're both wearing white karate geese and they're standing apart from each other. | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| That first one was... | ||
| Bro, this is like... | ||
| What's that last one? | ||
| He's a dick. | ||
| He's a dick. | ||
| What was the leg thing she's doing here? | ||
| She's tapping. | ||
| She's just tapping. | ||
| Yeah, but that last part... | ||
| And then he just bitch slaps her to the ground. | ||
| That's the difference between males and females when it comes especially to combat sports. | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| There's not a world where that's fair. | ||
| Not a world. | ||
| And if you do think that this is fine, you know, make a men versus women NFL. Let's just do that. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| The men would win 60 years in a row. | ||
| We'd be like, we won the championship again. | ||
| The field would just be covered of broken women. | ||
| Like, I broke my finger. | ||
| I'm waiting for trans men or trans women in the WNBA. When that starts, yeah. | ||
| Bro, that all of a sudden would be an exciting game. | ||
| I'd watch. | ||
| Yeah, we got dunks now. | ||
| Not just that, but you got freaks. | ||
| It's a wild freak show. | ||
| And you know what it is? | ||
| Seven foot dudes with lipstick on. | ||
| Even if there was a woman who was so good at women's basketball that she could compete in the NBA, I would say don't let her do it. | ||
| Well, you're gonna get knocked around. | ||
| Yeah, because it's also like, well, that's not what we're doing here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Otherwise, then the men could go play with you because they're good enough. | ||
| Did you see this... | ||
| I think he's a professor somewhere in Canada. | ||
| He's a 50-year-old man who identifies as a teenage girl. | ||
| And so he's competing with teenage girls in swimming. | ||
| I've not seen this. | ||
| And they let him change in the same changing room as the teenage girls. | ||
| See, these are the things that matter. | ||
| So they let this 50-year-old man whip his cock out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And be naked. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| In the presence of teenage girls. | ||
| So they apparently they like put curtains up to try to shield it. | ||
| 50 year old trans swimmer shared locker room while competing against teens. | ||
| The girls were terrified. | ||
| And look at that crazy fuck. | ||
| Yeah, this is... | ||
| This is so nuts that anybody would allow that. | ||
| Someone might be listening to this and go, oh, come on. | ||
| This is like an isolate. | ||
| Yeah, but even if it happens once, don't you think that's too much? | ||
| This is just like the Fallon Fox thing. | ||
| When that happened, I was outraged. | ||
| I was like, this is ridiculous. | ||
| That's a guy. | ||
| And people got so mad at me. | ||
| And I was like, this is a wild thing to get mad at. | ||
| I'm not getting mad at someone for being trans. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm getting mad at someone for lying and not saying they were trans for two fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, if you're a trans woman and a biological female agrees to fight you, I feel the same way that I feel when someone's going to ride a bull. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't recommend it, but if you want to do it, I support your right to do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| There's a woman who fought in the UFC, Ashley Evans-Smith, and she actually beat Fallon Fox. | ||
| She beat her. | ||
| She mounted her and pounded on her, but she's a really good fighter and she made it to the UFC. Where she lost to Raquel Pennington, who is the current UFC Bantamweight Champion. | ||
| So she's a legit fighter. | ||
| But it starts with that. | ||
| And if it keeps going, if you can really... | ||
| There's enough people that promote this term, minor attracted person. | ||
| That term is so crazy to me. | ||
| It almost feels like a 4chan troll that just went amok and just like free bleeding. | ||
| You know, free bleeding was a 4chan troll. | ||
| I think it was, right? | ||
| Didn't it start off as a 4chan troll? | ||
| So they decided to pretend that real feminism is just letting your vagina just leak blood into your pants and it's proudly showing off your sweatpants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unsanitary. | |
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| And some women started doing it! | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And some women started doing it. | ||
| But now imagine me going, why do you care, Joe? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, so a 50-year-old's change in front of a 16-year-old in this... | ||
| Why do you care? | ||
| I think we should care. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If it happens even one time. | ||
| Let's say it doesn't become this bigger social issue. | ||
| It shouldn't happen once. | ||
| Well, this is the question. | ||
| Do pedophiles exist? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Do perverts and sex offenders exist? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| They exist. | ||
| These are real things that we know are in the human race. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If the possibility of someone that Is one of those things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And all they have to do is say they're a woman. | ||
| They have access to dishonesty. | ||
| You had a Willy Wonka golden ticket to go wherever you want. | ||
| You just have to say you're a woman. | ||
| You don't think that a serial pedophile would do that? | ||
| If all of a sudden he can say it, he can just say I'm a woman. | ||
| Did you see the guy who won the LPGA tournament stop? | ||
| It's not an LPGA. Whatever it is. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's... | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| Women's golf. | ||
| Yeah, it sort of matters, but that's also... | ||
| I was just reading about it. | ||
| So this dude just decides he's a woman. | ||
| Puts his skirt on. | ||
| It's happening a lot lately. | ||
| Doesn't change his appearance at all. | ||
| And just murders this woman's golf. | ||
| He didn't change anything? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I said he did a reassignment surgery. | ||
| He had it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, at least she's hot, you know? | ||
| Haley Davidson. | ||
| So you have to go through the surgery. | ||
| Wait a minute, is that the same one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| This story went back to 2022. I didn't know that it's been going on for a little while. | ||
| I thought the one just happened. | ||
| This one just happened. | ||
| Oh, this one just happened. | ||
| It's an LPGA qualifying event. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That's when they add the LPGA to the headline, it makes more news than when you say NNXT. That's why you shouldn't believe everything you see on Instagram Reels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's where I'm guilty. | |
| I'll hear a guy tell me a thing in a warehouse 20 years ago, and I'm going, is that true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| It always happens. | ||
| So, is this the first transgender woman to win golf tournament? | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| To win an event, yeah. | ||
| And then what happens, though, by winning this event, she earns an opportunity to play more, which could lead to an LPGA qualifying spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She did win money. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| Yeah, that's the person. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| There she is, huh? | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Let's see her next to some other gals. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| The claim also is that by after having all of the surgeries and stuff, lost 15 miles an hour on club head speed, which is... | ||
| A lot? | ||
| You could gain that back, I guess, but I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, well, that sounds like a lot, but also I bet... | ||
| Jamie, why do you care? | ||
| But don't you think it's still probably faster than the women's? | ||
| Yeah, so the average for a man, it was saying, is about 115 on the PGA Tour, and the average LPGA is about 95. And it doesn't say where they were before or after. | ||
| Also, is that what he said, or was that what was measured? | ||
| This is just average in general. | ||
| It's not, you know, it's just right here. | ||
| You definitely lose something. | ||
| If you're on estrogen, and you have your testes removed, hee hee. | ||
| Claims. | ||
| She lost 15 miles per hour. | ||
| Her own math. | ||
| You're not going to say, I have a fucking huge advantage. | ||
| I've been a dude my whole life. | ||
| Yeah, you're not going to say that. | ||
| They love to do that. | ||
| Oh my god, I've lost 15 miles an hour. | ||
| I'm basically a woman now. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| I won the tournament just because I'm awesome. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Courage. | ||
| What I lack in head club speed, I gained in bravery. | ||
| Yeah, and not having wide hips. | ||
| There's a lot of things with hips like the shape of hips you don't generate the same amount of power like women kickers There's such a vast difference between a woman kicker and a man kicker. | ||
| It's kind of stunning And I wonder if a lot of that has to do with the shape of the hips. | ||
| Because if you get a woman who is like 135 pounds and ever hit a bag, and then you have a man who's 135 pounds and hit the bag, the difference is so stark. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You're like, this is crazy because your legs are carrying around all day long. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there's a lot of other shit going on. | ||
| There's tendon strength. | ||
| There's bone density. | ||
| There's the shape of the hips, I'm sure, too. | ||
| But it's also like there's also something that happens to the human body when it evolves or it develops, rather, with testosterone. | ||
| Like, you're going to be stronger forever. | ||
| You're never gonna go back to what it would be like if you had been born a woman. | ||
| It's like taking steroids for 20 years, hardcore, that literally turn you into a guy. | ||
| And be like, I have no advantage. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| I'm not taking steroids anymore. | ||
| We're the same. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You were cheating your whole life. | ||
| If you got caught doing that in the UFC, You're fucking banned. | ||
| You're banned for two years. | ||
| And if you get caught again, I think you're banned for six years. | ||
| It's something wild like that. | ||
| So if you're just like taking testosterone your whole life, your whole life, and all these other women are, you know, just fucking being normal and cheerleading and going to parties, you're competing against them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| I know a girl who's a professional foosball player, Kelsey Cook, the comedian, Chad Daniels' girlfriend. | ||
| I don't know why I said that, but anyways, I love them. | ||
| And she's talking about foosball. | ||
| I find it interesting because I don't know anything about foosball. | ||
| And I go, oh, this is probably one of those sports where the men can play with the women because it's foosball. | ||
| And she goes, I hate that I'm admitting this to you because she knows I'm a guy, a man's guy. | ||
| And she goes, men have an advantage in foosball. | ||
| And I go, even foosball? | ||
| And she goes, yes, because it's like that torque of a man's arm versus a woman's arm. | ||
| Even the arm. | ||
| She goes, the men can hit it harder, the spin rate. | ||
| So even something as what we might think is a frivolous kind of thing like foosball, even that, there is just so much of a difference. | ||
| How about chess? | ||
| Men have an advantage in chess. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, that's interesting. | ||
| I don't know, but for whatever reason, maybe it's more men do it. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| Maybe it's the mind, the way the mind works. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| The competitive mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Men have a large and consistent advantage over women in spatial ability of which chess relies to a large extent. | ||
| And this is a difference in average, not just at the high end. | ||
| The male advantage is present pre-puberty, is present across cultures and time. | ||
| Another one is pool. | ||
| The best professional female pool players never win male tour events. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| They're allowed to enter them. | ||
| Men can't enter women's events, but there's certain major events that women enter all the time, but they never win them. | ||
| Well, a smart man would say, why do you care? | ||
| Why do you care who's better? | ||
| Because it's a statistic and it's a sport I care about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's important. | |
| I think it's interesting. | ||
| Look, there's a lot of women that are really good and they can beat a lot of men. | ||
| They beat a lot of men. | ||
| But when they get to the very top, like when you're playing through a pool bracket... | ||
| You know, say if there's a hundred or so professionals that are in this tournament, they're playing in this double elimination bracket. | ||
| So you lose once, go to the one-loss side, you lose there, you're out of the tournament. | ||
| So you're running against killer after killer because there's a hundred professionals there. | ||
| And there's a high likelihood that someone gets a bunch of good rolls, you scratch on the break, a bunch of things happen, a person runs out a lot, and you lose, you know, seven-nothing to some person, and that person happens to be a chick. | ||
| That's totally possible. | ||
| You could lose to a woman. | ||
| But over the course of the tournament, that luck will wear out, and the elite male players will beat the elite female player. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I didn't know you were so into pool. | ||
| Where do you play pool? | ||
| I play here. | ||
| Like you personally. | ||
| Oh, you play. | ||
| I have tables here, but also, you know, I'll go places where I can play. | ||
| I play at Amsterdam Billiards when I'm in New York City. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah, I'll go to pool halls. | ||
| Yeah, that's such a bar game. | ||
| It is a bar game, but the type I play is like tournament professional style pool. | ||
| It's a different kind of pool. | ||
| It's not like eight ball. | ||
| I play mostly nine ball and ten ball, and it's a rotation game. | ||
| I have not, but it looks very difficult. | ||
| It's fucking huge. | ||
| That table's gigantic, and the balls are little, and the holes are little. | ||
| And it's confusing. | ||
| Yeah, I don't understand it. | ||
| We were in Thailand. | ||
| We were like, let's play pool. | ||
| We walked over there. | ||
| We're like, this is a different table here. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even know what to do. | ||
| I don't even know how it works. | ||
| I like watching it, though. | ||
| It's cool when they're really good at it, because I know how hard it must be to be doing that. | ||
| They used to make a shit ton of money. | ||
| But there was one guy over there that was a big top guy that got busted fixing a game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| They caught him on camera. | ||
| They got a hidden camera. | ||
| See if you can find that story. | ||
| Because he was like a top dog. | ||
| Just put the ball in with his hand? | ||
| Well, you just miss. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| Yeah, it's not hard to do at all. | ||
| Wait, what do you mean? | ||
| So that doesn't- You could fix a pool match. | ||
| So say if I'm a gangster and you're a killer pool player and you're gonna play some guy. | ||
| And I was like, Jeff Dye, I got a proposition for you. | ||
| I'm going to give you $100,000 to blow this game. | ||
| So you're the favorite in the game. | ||
| So maybe there's a lot of people gambling. | ||
| I'd be good at losing. | ||
| Yeah, you lose on purpose. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| You can lose on purpose. | ||
| So is this the story? | ||
| I thought that was when he was fixing it to win. | ||
| Dennis Taylor is caught cheating. | ||
| No, it's not him. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wonder how he got caught cheating. | |
| He just literally added a ball. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Are you allowed to climb on the table? | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| And he touched the... | ||
| Look at his goofy glasses. | ||
| Are you allowed to climb on the table? | ||
| This might have been a celebrity match, I feel like. | ||
| Oh, it looks like they're all laughing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, it's not that. | ||
| It was like a bribery scheme. | ||
| He was caught fixing snooker games, and it became a criminal investigation. | ||
| Because there's so many people that gamble on snooker. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Ten people charged, that kind of thing? | ||
| Yeah, that's probably it. | ||
| Match fixing scandal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| Last year. | ||
| Oh, no, this is a new one. | ||
| Ten Chinese players. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Listen, pool players are dirty. | ||
| They're dirty people. | ||
| Not all of them, but a lot of them. | ||
| It's a game where dudes will dump you. | ||
| You have to have a really good relationship with your backers, and you've got to spread money around if you win. | ||
| You've got to make sure that people don't dump on you. | ||
| Because if there's a lot of gambling involved, like say if you and I were in a match, and we're two top players, And you've got a bunch of people that are coming from fucking Cincinnati and Kansas City and Chicago. | ||
| They're coming to watch this match and there might be a half a million dollars on the side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| It might be more. | ||
| It happens all the time with top plays. | ||
| John Higgins, that's the guy. | ||
| Banned for six months but cleared of match-fixing. | ||
| Not guilty. | ||
| Tough to prove, maybe? | ||
| Isn't it weird that gambling is so prevalent in sports now? | ||
| What did he say though? | ||
| He said something, like they were talking to him about fixing the game. | ||
| There was a recording, right? | ||
| I'll look into this, yeah. | ||
| He was also like a very beloved player. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| But the point is that like, you know, that can- Undercover reporter discussed the possibility of throwing frames? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Mooney discussed the possibility of throwing frames, which is like fixing a game, like missing, with the undercover reporter. | ||
| the news of the world's Mazur Mahmood, for weeks before the trip to Kiev. | ||
| Unbeknownst to Higgins, Mooney had taken him to Kiev specifically to discuss the matter of throwing frames, but had not raised the possibility the subject might come up until minutes before the meeting started. | ||
| Mills said he was unimpressed by Mooney as a witness and found much of his account highly implausible. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| ruling that he should be banned from the sport for life whoo his lawyer said in a statement mr. Mooney bitterly regrets being caught up in the news of the world's entrapment and is unresolvedly sorry for the impact this sting that sting had on snooker and mr. Higgins in particular interesting it is fascinating There were some lies. | ||
| How... | ||
| Latent gambling is now. | ||
| Where it's like, I'm not that I'm not like an old man or anything, but I, you know, they used to act like nobody was gambling on football or basketball. | ||
| And now they'll just have the spreads right up on the screen. | ||
| They're just like, here's the betting lines. | ||
| DraftKings. | ||
| I mean, it's pretty, like, it's like weed, I guess. | ||
| Like the way the government's like, we're just gonna get in on this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's the right way to do it, especially in America. | ||
| Look, gambling's dangerous. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| I've seen people go fucking crazy gambling. | ||
| I know people who are gambling addicts. | ||
| It scares the shit out of me. | ||
| But I think it should be legal, just like I think weed should be legal, and I think alcohol should be legal. | ||
| I think you should be able to be responsible with your own decisions and make your own choices and get your fucking shit together. | ||
| The problem is not gambling. | ||
| The problem is gambling addicts. | ||
| Because I can go and gamble, and I'm smart about knowing that this is very addictive, and I do it, and I'll get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And it was kind of fun, and then I live my life. | ||
| You're not going to lose your house. | ||
| But I know people that gamble constantly. | ||
| I know some guys, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Constantly. | |
| Dana White's a maniac. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But Dana's not going to lose his house either, so it's like he can... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey man, he even gambles. | |
| I like guys like that. | ||
| We went to visit him at the Red Rocks Casino, and at one point in time he was down $600,000 playing blackjack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| And he wasn't even nervous. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He wasn't even sweating it. | ||
| Wait, he was gambling on blackjack? | ||
| That's a weird thing. | ||
| That shows you might have a problem. | ||
| My buddy Josh, I go, I think you have a gambling problem. | ||
| He goes, no, I don't, dude. | ||
| I go, you just bet four grand on women's, you know, Utah State college best, just because it's on. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, I think you got a point. | ||
| Maybe I do have a problem. | ||
| I was like, if you're betting on this, you don't even know if these girls are good. | ||
| But that makes watching a game so much better, too. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, for sure. | ||
| If you could just be reasonable about it, you know, if you bet on a game, just bet, you know, whatever you can afford. | ||
| If it's a hundred bucks, bet a hundred bucks. | ||
| It's gonna make it more exciting. | ||
| For sure, yeah. | ||
| Come on, you fuckers! | ||
| Come on, you fuckers! | ||
| I'll pay a little to care. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| You care so much more. | ||
| If you have a steak in it... | ||
| You're down to a nose, son. | ||
| You want another one? | ||
| Yeah, I'll have another one. | ||
| I crush it. | ||
| That's a little too down to the wire. | ||
| A little too close to my nose. | ||
| Thanks, brother. | ||
| The trimmers are on the back of that sucker. | ||
| You ever, uh, I tried to buy a Terry Bradshaw, like, I was like, you know, he's a guy like you. | ||
| I brought you cigars because I don't, I figure, you know, just a man-to-man, I want to get you something nice. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Appreciate that. | ||
| It's not like I thought you'd see the cigars and go, oh, what is that? | ||
| You know, just bring you something. | ||
| You know, it's nice. | ||
| It's what gentlemen do. | ||
| Yes, thank you. | ||
| So for, uh, I go to Terry Bradshaw's house, one of these things, and I was like, I wanted to get him something for Father's Day, so I got him, like, these nice cutters, you know. | ||
| A few hundred bucks for these cutters. | ||
| It's like, what's the nicest cutters for cigars? | ||
| And he's like, thanks, man. | ||
| He reads the card. | ||
| Thanks, bub. | ||
| Love you. | ||
| And then I go to... | ||
| Later on, I'm at the ranch. | ||
| He's got this huge humidor. | ||
| 40 of those cutters just laying around. | ||
| He's got the nicest of everything. | ||
| I've never seen nothing like this. | ||
| This is wild. | ||
| Yeah, that's a Calibri. | ||
| It has a little cutter on the back. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| Multi-purpose. | ||
| You can't fly with this, though. | ||
| No, you can't, right? | ||
| They probably wouldn't let you. | ||
| I've lost a lot of torches at airports. | ||
| Oh, you can't fly with a regular torch? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, just that. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| What's the difference between that and a regular lighter? | ||
| No idea. | ||
| You got the wrong side. | ||
| Can you fly with... | ||
| No, I got it. | ||
| Oh, you were about to light the side you cut. | ||
| Oh, you're right. | ||
| I was, right? | ||
| I just cut it too deep. | ||
| Yeah, why can you fly with a regular lighter and you can't fly with a torch? | ||
| Can you fly with a regular lighter? | ||
| Can you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah, Jamie says yes. | ||
| I don't think Jamie knows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't work at the TSA, but I've never heard of anyone getting stopped for it. | |
| You know what used to drive me crazy? | ||
| You know what used to drive me crazy? | ||
| You can't bring a pool cue. | ||
| Is it out? | ||
| Here. | ||
| It might be out of gas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks. | |
| You can't bring a pool cue on a flight, but you can bring a skateboard. | ||
| I didn't know you couldn't bring a pool cue. | ||
| No, no, it's a weapon. | ||
| Did not know that. | ||
| I was like, did you know how easy you kill someone on a skateboard? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Skateboard's heavier. | ||
| You could fuck somebody up with a skateboard. | ||
| You can bring two lighters. | ||
| Aha! | ||
| Zippo lighters without fuel. | ||
| Don't check them. | ||
| Disposable and Zippo lighters without fuel are allowed in checked bags. | ||
| Oh, checked bags. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lighters with fuel are prohibited in checked bags unless they adhere to the Department of Transportation's exemption, which allows up to two fueled lighters if properly enclosed in a DOT-approved case. | ||
| You have to put your fucking lighters in a bomb case. | ||
| Just doing that. | ||
| How often are lighters going off randomly? | ||
| It's like a dollar. | ||
| When did... | ||
| When was the last time a Bic lighter just randomly lit on fire? | ||
| Fucking never. | ||
| More Teslas blow up on fire than lighters. | ||
| Yeah, I've never heard a single instance. | ||
| Well, but I don't think you can carry it on. | ||
| Maybe that's all I know. | ||
| I don't check bags. | ||
| I remember it used to be the case. | ||
| I just thought they'd relax that. | ||
| The fucking shoe thing is so stupid. | ||
| I can't believe they're still doing that. | ||
| One dickhead tries to blow his shoes up. | ||
| One guy. | ||
| I was laughing about, this is an old current event, but when it was a new thing that we had to take our shoes off for TSA, like after 9-11, George Bush was like, even I will be going through TSA checkpoints for Air Force One. | ||
| I was like, no! | ||
| Not you. | ||
| Fucking liar. | ||
| We should be able to trust you. | ||
| That's a lie. | ||
| Yeah, he was going, even me. | ||
| No, you won't. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I can't trust the president on Air Force One. | |
| Imagine that you have to have the president checked because he might be a terrorist secretly. | ||
| That was just the visual of it was ridiculous. | ||
| Checking his dick. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Do you see the ones that they scan your whole body where you see your hog and everything? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's some that the TSA people can literally see the size of your dick. | ||
| I don't think they use them anymore. | ||
| How do I get the job of just being there, you know? | ||
| Just want to see the people. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Because they show the images of what it looks like for a human. | ||
| So you don't see their face, but you see their dick. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| I got to see a Bill Burr bit in real life. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that is weird. | ||
| See the man's dick? | ||
| Yeah, that's me, actually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| So, I was at LAX. This is years ago, and it's when the big scan, the thing went around your body. | ||
| And I see Bill, and he's at CSA, and I've known him for, I've known of him, and he's known of me since, like, 2008, because he played Giggles Comic Club in Seattle when I was, like, a young comic. | ||
| I go, hey, Bill. | ||
| He's like, hey, Jeff. | ||
| And he's, like, clearly irritable. | ||
| And he's like, he's just waiting at the side, and I'm going through the thing, and a guy comes over to him, he goes, hey, if I could just get you to stand over here next to the machine, because he's refusing the big scan around thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's like, he's like, yeah, no, I know you don't want to do the machine, but just stand. | ||
| He goes, what kind of defeats the purpose to go stand by the fucking machine? | ||
| You know, like, he's like, that's the machine I don't want to be in, now you want me to stand by it? | ||
| But I got to watch the whole thing happen, I'm kind of like, this is like a Bill Burr bit in real life. | ||
| Getting to watch it happen. | ||
| I'm sure he's gonna talk about this like on stage. | ||
| It was kind of fun to like just kind of see a bit formulate. | ||
| Yeah, Ari used to do that too. | ||
| He made them all check him down. | ||
| He'd refuse it? | ||
| Yeah, he would not go through the machine. | ||
| I mean, I don't think it's great for you. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It can't be. | ||
| And we fly all the time. | ||
| It can't be good for you, right? | ||
| If you're doing it three or four times a week... | ||
| I think the radio one is different. | ||
| The one they do now is not an x-ray. | ||
| I don't know what it used to be. | ||
| What did it used to be? | ||
| Like, what was the original ones? | ||
| Metal. | ||
| The thing about those kind of things is they really don't know how bad they are for you until it's too late. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Yeah, we won't know. | ||
| Until ten years down the line, you realize, like, oh, that stuff kills you. | ||
| Well, cigarettes was like, you know, doctors would be like, oh, it calms your nerves. | ||
| What's a millimeter wave? | ||
| I've never really heard that. | ||
| Millimeter wave body scanner was developed at the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory. | ||
| So what's the dangers? | ||
| Privacy concerns. | ||
| That's because it can see your painter. | ||
| Possible health effects. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Millimeter wavelength radiation is a subset of the microwave radio frequency spectrum. | ||
| Even at its high energy end, it is still more than three orders of magnitude lower in energy than its nearest radio toxic neighbor, ultraviolet, in the electromagnetic spectrum. | ||
| As such, millimeter wave radiation is non-ionizing and incapable of causing cancers by radiolytic DNA-bound cleavage. | ||
| Due to the shallow penetration depth of millimeter waves into tissue, typically less than one millimeter, acute biological effects of irradiation are localized in the epidermal and dermal layers and manifest primarily as thermal effects. | ||
| There's no clear evidence to date Of harmful effects of the vaccine. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I mean other than those caused by localized heating and ensuing chemical changes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Ain't that a funny one? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| Hopefully it doesn't hurt you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sounds like they think it doesn't. | ||
| But what did they used to use? | ||
| A lot of words. | ||
| What was the original one? | ||
| What were the original TSA radiation machines? | ||
| I mean, I think it was just a metal detector, right? | ||
| I mean, they were just like... | ||
| Bro, have you ever seen the hands of the x-ray technicians from back in the day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Just from operating it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, the women who used to run it. | ||
| So back then, when you were an x-ray technician, you would have to test the x-ray to make sure it's calibrated, make sure it's working right. | ||
| So the way they would do it, they would x-ray their own hand. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Yeah, with no... | ||
| And then over time... | ||
| They did it a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They did it a lot. | ||
| They got little... | ||
| So their fingernails are falling off. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hand of an x-ray technician at the Royal London Hospital showing damage of radiation exposure. | ||
| So this is from 1900. Why does it say... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I see. | |
| Bro, they didn't know any better. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That'll be us someday with something. | ||
| Cell phones or... | ||
| Have you ever seen those ladies that used to put loom on watches? | ||
| Uh, no. | ||
| Cyanide is used for that, right? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It's radioactive. | ||
| I think it's radium, right? | ||
| No, they're called the radium girls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They sound hot. | ||
| They use it in tubes. | ||
| So what happened was these women, they would lick their paintbrush. | ||
| You know, because you lick your paintbrush sometimes. | ||
| And they would lick their paintbrush to try to form a better tip so they could do it better. | ||
| And every time they did it, they got radium in their mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| And they would get horrible cancers, and they're fucking, you know, a lot of them died. | ||
| Like, see that image of that lady where her jaw was rotted off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah! | |
| Yeah, that's from radium. | ||
| Girls who licked radioactive paint. | ||
| You just remind me of the funniest thing I've ever seen on morning television. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| So, you know, when you have to play a comedy club, sometimes they... | ||
| This reminds me of it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Like, you know, in the mornings, they make you do these morning televisions sometimes to go promote. | ||
| No, it never brings anyone to the club. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And morning TV is so corny. | ||
| Everything they say is like... | ||
| They're like, we got funny guy Jeff Dye here, and then you say something really vanilla, and they're like, whoa! | ||
| They're always so easy to offend the morning show people. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| It's a terrible thing we have to do. | ||
| I'm waiting. | ||
| I'm hungover. | ||
| I've got sunglasses. | ||
| I'm just like, I can't believe I have to do this stupid show. | ||
| And they cut to a thing. | ||
| So I'm watching on the TV what the morning thing is. | ||
| It's in San Francisco, and they cut to these art vendors that are out on the side of the thing. | ||
| And she's like, I'm here with a local San Francisco artist, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| He's a glassblower, and he's got all of his glassblowing things behind him. | ||
| It's the funniest thing I've ever seen on morning television. | ||
| Lady goes, she goes, isn't it true that glassblowing is really hard on your lungs, and it's hard on your vision, and it's very dangerous. | ||
| It takes years off of your life. | ||
| And this guy, without missing a beat, he goes, yeah, but to die... | ||
| A little sooner to put my art into the world is worth it. | ||
| I was like, wow, that's beautiful, right? | ||
| That's like really beautiful. | ||
| And then she goes, what do you make? | ||
| He's like, mostly bongs and dildos. | ||
| And she's like, back to you in the studio! | ||
| It was the funniest. | ||
| Like, he went from being profound to just dropping. | ||
| His art form is bongs and dildos. | ||
| But just the idea of saying that, to die sooner, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, it was a beautiful one-two punch of, like, yeah, just have my heart in the world. | ||
| Bongs and dildos. | ||
| Yeah, that's like a dude from a movie. | ||
| Like, so you probably heard something like that in a movie. | ||
| It's like, it's too profound. | ||
| I was thinking these poor girls, they're going, yeah, but you know, I painted a lot of clocks. | ||
| Yeah, no one told them either. | ||
| I think that radium, that loom on clocks and watches, it was like, nobody had ever done that before. | ||
| Was it like glow-in-the-dark or something? | ||
| Yeah, glow-in-the-dark. | ||
| They do it now in glass tubes, so like, if you get a tactical watch that's like, um, A good example is Marathon. | ||
| Marathon makes these military-grade tactical watches that are super durable, and they have radium tubes in it. | ||
| So no matter what time of night it is, pitch blackness, you look down at that watch, and it doesn't have to be glowing in the dark. | ||
| It just glows. | ||
| It's lit up. | ||
| So like loom on a regular watch, like when it has loom painted into it, what happens is when you're in the sunlight and in the flashlights and studio lighting and whatever, fluorescent lighting, it charges that paint. | ||
| And so then when you go in the dark, then it glows. | ||
| And it glows for like a little while, like a few hours maybe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This shit never goes out. | ||
| But it's these little glass tubes. | ||
| So you can find like a marathon watch. | ||
| I think it's radium. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Radium. | |
| I think it's that same radioactive shit. | ||
| It's just in a gas form that's encased in a tube. | ||
| And I think it has a half-life of 20 years. | ||
| So I think it glows for 20 years on your wrist. | ||
| It's pretty sweet. | ||
| No wonder it's jacking up their chins and noses and stuff. | ||
| Oh dude, it has to wreak havoc if you're licking that thing every day. | ||
| Like, that is just some fucking nuclear space dust. | ||
| One of the articles I was just reading about it said that they liked it so much, they were also painting it on their face, fingernails. | ||
| Oh, gosh. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, I get free radium at work. | ||
| Oh, I don't need dye makeup anymore, and their fucking eyes run out of their head. | ||
| Isn't it funny? | ||
| I have so much radium, I made it eyeliner. | ||
| Show me a Marathon Watch. | ||
| I was just trying to find it. | ||
| I couldn't find that. | ||
| Marathon Divers Watch Loom. | ||
| Marathon Watch. | ||
| Just write Divers Watch Loom. | ||
| You have a big watch, I noticed, last night. | ||
| This is just a digital watch. | ||
| So that's what it looks like. | ||
| And then we see it at nighttime, that's what it looks like. | ||
| So it's always lit. | ||
| It's pretty fucking dope, actually. | ||
| I don't think I've owned one, but I've seen that for sure. | ||
| It's just, I love those things. | ||
| I love watches. | ||
| And there's another company called Ball. | ||
| B-A-L-L. They make way cooler looking watches. | ||
| The Marathon watch is like, tactical, military-style watch, but ball watches, they make these killer dress watches. | ||
| But that's all got the loom, too. | ||
| So that looks like that. | ||
| That looks great. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And it's a dope watch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, look how cool that looks. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| And it's also radioactive. | ||
| But apparently it's completely, it's encased. | ||
| You have no fear of it hurting you. | ||
| And if it breaks, it just dissipates in the atmosphere. | ||
| If it breaks, you lick it a bunch. | ||
| Just sniff it. | ||
| Just sniff it and get superpowers. | ||
| Hey, my tongue's glowing. | ||
| Yeah, I can see through walls. | ||
| I know things now. | ||
| Free radio. | ||
| You were telling me you were a Bigfoot guy? | ||
| Big Bigfoot guy. | ||
| Tell me about this. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| Well, you grew up in an area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're in the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's Bigfoot country. | ||
| That is. | ||
| I think that's the only reason I'm so into it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also, here's the thing you gotta know about talking about me. | ||
| It's not ever funny, and it's just something I like so much that it ends up me giving you the same arguments you've heard a billion times. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, it's Gigantopithecus, came over the Asian plane, it's a bipedal hominid, it's just, you know. | ||
| And then at the end, and everyone of my friends has experienced it, Harlan Williams just experienced it when I was on his podcast. | ||
| Anytime I talk about Bigfoot, it ends up with me just going... | ||
| Please, Joe, can you just say it's maybe a possibility? | ||
| Like, that's what it always ends up being. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You said it's... | ||
| I remember you one time going, there's nothing out there. | ||
| Didn't you say that about Bigfoot? | ||
| Hunters don't see it. | ||
| That's why I don't believe in it. | ||
| Some hunters do. | ||
| No, not many. | ||
| People that see it are usually loggers, hunters, natives, people that are out in the woods. | ||
| There's another problem. | ||
| Another problem is dusk. | ||
| You see things at dusk or at dawn. | ||
| It's very confusing. | ||
| Bears walk on two legs all the time. | ||
| I have personally watched bears walk on two legs, and if I didn't know any better, and if it was a dark environment, like it was dusk, like you barely can see, I would think it's Bigfoot. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I do think Bigfoot existed. | ||
| There's some insane number of Native American words For Bigfoot. | ||
| Sasquatch is just one of them. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| There's a bunch of Native American words for this one animal that's fake, but all the other words they have are for real animals. | ||
| They don't have a bunch of dragons. | ||
| They don't have like mythical creatures in Native American mythology, but they do have this one giant man thing. | ||
| That definitely existed. | ||
| At some point. | ||
| At 100%, Gigantopithecus was a real animal. | ||
| It was 8 to 10 feet tall, bipedal hominid. | ||
| It was a huge gorilla-looking primate that died off somewhere around 100,000 years ago, but they don't know really for sure. | ||
| 100,000? | ||
| Yeah, but they don't know for sure. | ||
| The thing about it is it's like... | ||
| If you only find fossils from 100,000 years ago, you could assume that this animal at least lived then. | ||
| But you don't know when it went extinct. | ||
| You might find some new fossil like 10 years from now, they might find some new site, and wait a minute, these are 20,000 years old, or these are 30,000 years old, or these are 50,000 years old. | ||
| But either way, anatomically identical human beings have been around for 500,000 plus years, maybe even more. | ||
| So, or similar human beings. | ||
| So then we definitely interacted with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or they were around when we were around. | ||
| I think they're still around. | ||
| I think there's hundreds, maybe thousands of them. | ||
| That's what I believe. | ||
| I think they're in caves or something. | ||
| Or maybe it's... | ||
| You know what the problem with that is? | ||
| What? | ||
| They're too big. | ||
| The amount of food that they would need to eat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You'd have to be grazing all day long. | ||
| See, if you're Bigfoot... | ||
| Posted in the Journal of Zoology this month. | ||
| If it's there, could it be a bear? | ||
| They're saying it's black bear, American black bear. | ||
| Yeah, American black bear that stands up. | ||
| But even little kids would know the difference between a monkey and a bear. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| First of all, let me tell you something. | ||
| If you're in the woods, and you're in a heightened state, because you're looking around, you don't know what's out there, it's all thick woods, it's weird. | ||
| Woods are weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you see something, you could trick your brain. | ||
| I saw a squirrel, and for like two or three seconds, I thought it was a wolf. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a wolf? | ||
| That's real between ears. | ||
| I'm seeing something moving in between thick trees, and I see gray fur. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god, is that a wolf? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there's wolves out there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm in Canada. | ||
| I'm like, oh. | ||
| It's a fucking squirrel. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with me? | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shoot it! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like people see what they want to see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the problem is you get something into someone's head, a mythological thing, whether it's a UFO or whether it's Bigfoot. | ||
| I think the world is way more slippery than we like to think. | ||
| And I think there's states of consciousness that people can achieve during high anxiety levels, definitely during the use of psychedelic drugs, sometimes during weird states in their life, like near-death experiences, loss of a loved one, extreme emotion, a lot going on, a lot of anxiety and fear, like you would have if you were in the woods, and then you see a light across the sky. | ||
| It might have been just a meteorite. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you're in the wrong headspace to see that meteorite. | ||
| And you just fucking... | ||
| You just freak. | ||
| You just freak. | ||
| And maybe for a brief moment, you can see something that's been there all along. | ||
| You know how defeated I am right now? | ||
| I just want you to tell me, like, dude, there's some crazy stuff out there. | ||
| I've interviewed a lot of Bigfoot people. | ||
| I had one joke I used to do about Bigfoot. | ||
| Here's what you don't find when you go looking for Bigfoot. | ||
| Black people. | ||
| You're more likely to find Bigfoot than you are black people looking for Bigfoot. | ||
| It's a bunch of unfuckable white guys out camping. | ||
| That is a thing. | ||
| It's a community of people that want to believe something that there's zero evidence for, and they're fucking locked in. | ||
| Yeah, they're hitting a tree with a stick, going like, we're gonna wait for a knockback, and it's different Bigfoot researchers hitting a different tree, talking back to them. | ||
| Yeah, it's like if you go to public land elk hunting, there's a bunch of people elk calling. | ||
| You think, oh, they're an elk. | ||
| It's a dude. | ||
| It's another guy. | ||
| Two men doing elk calls. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| To each other. | ||
| That literally happens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bet. | |
| It does, 100%. | ||
| It's one of those things where I wish it was real. | ||
| Me too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wish it was real. | |
| Bobcat Goldway believes. | ||
| Yeah, he loves it. | ||
| He's all in. | ||
| Did you ever watch Willow Creek? | ||
| I did, and it pissed me off because at the end, it turns out to be... | ||
| I'm going to spoil Willow Creek, but at the end, it's just a bunch of hillbillies out there killing. | ||
| And blaming it on Bigfoot, basically. | ||
| Wait a minute, which one are you talking about? | ||
| Bobcat Goldthwait's movie? | ||
| I think that's what the end is. | ||
| It's just some crazy people that live in the woods. | ||
| It's not really a Bigfoot. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I think that's the end of Willow Creek. | ||
| I don't remember how it ends. | ||
| Because they kind of have this one kind of like Blair Witch-like shot. | ||
| And it's just a bunch of, you know, mountain people. | ||
| Which is the scariest thing you'll find in the woods. | ||
| People. | ||
| Well, that's that... | ||
| People that want to be off that grid. | ||
| There's that documentary Sasquatch. | ||
| Did you ever see that? | ||
| It's like a documentary series. | ||
| Yeah, and it turns out just to be the cartel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, not the cartel, but like weed people. | ||
| Weed people killing other... | ||
| Blaming it on a Bigfoot, framing it to look like a Bigfoot's out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they killed somebody. | ||
| Apparently, when marijuana was... | ||
| You know, when they were growing it up there, these hippies started arming themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, and then they had rival gang wars with people that would come in and try to steal their crop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So they start shooting at each other, killing each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what that's all about. | ||
| Or also like, you know, some cute girl that's like, oh, I'm gonna clip weed all summer and make five grand and hang out with other potheads who, like, you don't realize how terrible that job is. | ||
| Well, you're involved in an illegal business, and the cartels in that business. | ||
| Like, I had a friend who found a cartel grow operation on a ranch. | ||
| Yeah, they were... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Scary. | |
| He works on a ranch in California, and he was doing his thing out in the ranch, and he found some water piping. | ||
| And he followed the water piping, and it was pretty considerable distance. | ||
| And they found this grow-op. | ||
| So this guy had diverted water, or many guys. | ||
| They didn't see the humans. | ||
| They did it. | ||
| They took their shit, and then they never caught the guys, I don't think. | ||
| But they would set up these camps in, like, they would go to, like, national forests. | ||
| Apparently it's big in northern California, where they go deep, deep, deep in the woods. | ||
| They backpack in, and then they have a massive grow-op. | ||
| On public land, and they just get it till the time it's, you know, ready to harvest, and then they get out of there. | ||
| But if someone interrupts that, if they get in the middle of that, they'll kill them. | ||
| Like, these are cartel guys. | ||
| So, my friend John Norris, he's been on the podcast before, he was a game warden. | ||
| And he found a creek that had been redirected, and he thought, like, maybe a farmer had did this. | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| Maybe someone put an illegal dam on this. | ||
| They follow it, and they find this crazy grow-op with the cartel and guns. | ||
| So he winds up, instead of just being a game warden, now all of a sudden he's got a tactical team with attack dogs. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And they're running in fully armed with flak jackets on, having gunfights with the cartel in the woods over weed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I will say that that's like the most frustrating part about the Bigfoot subject is you got guys like who really like, oh, I think an ape could, like a pod of apes could like live out here and this thing. | ||
| And so you'll start to, guys like me will be like, yeah, this makes good sense. | ||
| And then they'll get like a Native American to talk about it. | ||
| And he'll be like, it's the magic man of the woods. | ||
| And you're like, no. | ||
| And they're like, he disappears. | ||
| He flies. | ||
| He can stop the rain. | ||
| And you go, this is... | ||
| Gosh dang it. | ||
| We were making real good ground here. | ||
| Making arguments for it to be an ape. | ||
| I think the Native Americans are right. | ||
| I think that's what it is. | ||
| Some sort of paranormal woods thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I think it's like... | ||
| Listen, let's imagine that states of consciousness can interface with other things that are around us all the time that we don't necessarily see. | ||
| Now, we know that's true if you take psychedelics, and we know that psychedelics are produced in the brain. | ||
| I can imagine a moment Where you are in such a state that you could see something that you would not be able to see under normal conditions. | ||
| It's not outside the realm of possibility. | ||
| I'm not married to it, but it's not outside the realm of possibility. | ||
| Now, if that is what we're seeing with UFOs, if what we're seeing is our future, if what we're seeing with those beings is the eventual shape that human beings will take, As evolution progresses, we become these genderless, little spindly things with giant heads, flying spaceships with our minds. | ||
| That kind of makes sense to me. | ||
| If that makes sense, Why wouldn't I be able to also see what we used to be, or what we could have been, or what other things used to live with us? | ||
| And maybe it's almost like a ghost, almost like a memory that you can access of a different timeline, a different dimension, where this thing does exist. | ||
| And that's why it's so elusive and it comes and goes, because it's not a real material thing. | ||
| It's a construct of the human psyche. | ||
| But these people that are seeing it, like they might even literally be seeing footprints. | ||
| It might literally leave footprints. | ||
| It might exist for brief moments. | ||
| Makes sense? | ||
| Passing in and out of this dimension kind of thing? | ||
| There's so many wacky stories about it. | ||
| So then you have to apply the wacky stories to human psychology and say, okay, people are in a heightened state. | ||
| They're in the woods. | ||
| They're alone. | ||
| They're nervous. | ||
| There's cats out there and fucking bears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| So you're kind of freaking out already. | ||
| You're in this like weird mind state already where it seems like more things are possible out there because there's no one to help you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's no city. | ||
| There's no hospital. | ||
| Can't call the cops on a Bigfoot. | ||
| You got no fucking cell phone signal, and you're out there alone. | ||
| Like, there's so many possibilities. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| And that, to me, makes sense. | ||
| Like, if there's a mindset that could be achieved, it's a mind state to be achieved, where you interact with things that aren't there all the time, like UFOs, that would be when it would happen. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, there's tons of interesting stories that you'll just read about a thing just walking behind the tree. | ||
| But if it was a massive 10-foot thing, you'd probably be able to see it come out on the other side of that tree. | ||
| And you see a lot of those kind of... | ||
| I read a lot of those kind of stories and I'm like, I don't know the heck that... | ||
| Yeah, it could be that, but it could also be black bears. | ||
| It could be that you're just seeing things because they're freaking out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bears freak you out, man. | ||
| You see a bear in the wild, it freaks you out. | ||
| And if you see a bear in between trees, you can just convince yourself that it's something, and then your brain plays tricks on you. | ||
| The memory is a slippery bitch. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Especially under heightened circumstances like that, like in the woods. | ||
| Your memory's weird. | ||
| And it's more exciting to believe that it's real, so that's what you wanna... | ||
| You know, that's my biggest... | ||
| I think what I'm holding onto so much is that, like, I think it's so boring if we just know all the stuff on our planet. | ||
| I don't think we do. | ||
| But that's my point. | ||
| It's way more exciting to think, yeah, there's Bigfoots, and there's... | ||
| Yeah, pterodactyls is one of my favorites. | ||
| Wolf, Wolfman, or Dogman, or Mothman, or any of these kind of, like, exciting things. | ||
| I want to believe that. | ||
| Well, you know about that Hobbit man that they found on that island of Flores? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No? | ||
| A Hobbit man. | ||
| Yeah, this is a good one for you. | ||
| This is a thing that absolutely lived alongside people. | ||
| And I think they don't know the timeline of this fucker either. | ||
| But they think it might have been as recently as like 50,000, 30,000 years ago. | ||
| And they were little tiny people. | ||
| Three foot tall, like almost like ape-like creatures. | ||
| That's what they look like. | ||
| Oh yeah, see? | ||
| Like a little baby Bigfoot. | ||
| Yeah, like little hobbits, man. | ||
| And they lived on this island. | ||
| And they were like a different branch of the human chain. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That lived alongside homo sapiens. | ||
| Yes, you see that. | ||
| You just think you see a juvenile Bigfoot or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's people that have cited these things in other parts of the world still to this day. | ||
| They still claim that they exist. | ||
| You seen that video recently where, um... | ||
| These guys, I'm gonna make up a place, but it's some place like, but not necessarily Thailand, and they're on these motorcycles, and this little man comes out with like a spear, and then they chase it into the high grass. | ||
| But it runs across the road, right? | ||
| Doesn't it run across the road? | ||
| Well, it has a spear because it's kind of startled by their motorcycles, and then they're going, wow, wow, and they kind of chase it down this little trail, but then this is it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is it, right? | |
| Yeah, this little guy, like a tiny person, and then it runs into the grass, and they lose it. | ||
| But it's a tiny little guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's got some sort of spear. | ||
| Do you see a spear? | ||
| You'll see it in the very beginning before, because one guy gets off his bike in the very beginning. | ||
| When it first comes out, it has a little spear. | ||
| Maybe even before this. | ||
| So they're riding the bike. | ||
| This video replays itself a lot. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| It's like on loop. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, so this is where they chase him into the grass. | ||
| This is when they lose him. | ||
| They pop around looking for it. | ||
| So they see him again? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| This is where they... | ||
| When they first stumble upon him, he has like a... | ||
| Right here. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| He's holding something. | ||
| There was something. | ||
| I mean, whether I get... | ||
| If this is a real video, it definitely looks like there's something in the sand right here. | ||
| Yeah, he's like dragging something. | ||
| Jamie, does that look real to you? | ||
| You're good at this. | ||
| Let me see it. | ||
| Let it play again. | ||
| first cynicism goes, no, that's not real. | ||
| And that guy dumps because he's like, what the hell? | ||
| First instinct says this is someone in that side of the world playing around with computer graphics and they just shrunk a person. | ||
| But that's just being cynical. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that seems the most likely scenario. | ||
| I would like to hear their voices. | ||
| Are they speaking in English? | ||
| There's no sound, it doesn't seem like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On this one, probably. | ||
| I feel like we have heard it before, but... | ||
| It just sounds like a lot of motorcycles. | ||
| It's like, because they're all on motorcycles. | ||
| It's like a 12-year-old GoPro video, so it's not the best. | ||
| See, the thing about that is fascinating, because you're dealing with insane jungle, like insane, dense terrain. | ||
| Where the Oren Pendek is, where do they think that thing exists? | ||
| It was like Vietnam and some other area. | ||
| But if the island of Flores had these creatures on them, Like the idea that there would be just a small population of them that still existed, that seems to me to be more likely than Bigfoot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that one gets seen a lot. | ||
| And that looks, the lighting on it is so strange to me. | ||
| Yeah, it looks weird. | ||
| It looks unnatural. | ||
| It definitely looks weird. | ||
| Well, but they could doctor up a thumbnail. | ||
| Sure, sure, sure, sure. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| Because I watch these Sir Spooks. | ||
| It looks like Groot. | ||
| It looks like a version of Groot. | ||
| Right, but everything looks blurry there. | ||
| The motorcycle looks like shit. | ||
| Everything looks fucked up. | ||
| And on all these videos like this, when you try to get a shit to click on it, they doctor the thumbnail up so that you'll click on it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, they jazz up. | ||
| That looks jazzed up, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's the... | ||
| So it was Indonesia. | ||
| Yeah, so that's where they claim to have cited this thing. | ||
| But, most likely it's bullshit. | ||
| You know, so many people have cell phones. | ||
| So many people have cell phones, the idea that no one's filmed one yet, but for sure we know it did exist. | ||
| And how long ago did the Homo floresiensis, how long ago did that one live? | ||
| They used to think it was much more recent. | ||
| I think they were thinking at one point in time it was only 10,000 years ago. | ||
| But I think they think it's quite a bit older than that now. | ||
| 50,000. | ||
| So here it goes. | ||
| Okay, so initially thought to be only 12,000 years ago. | ||
| However, more extensive stratigraphic and chronological work has been pushed dating of the most recent evidence of its existence back to 50,000 years ago. | ||
| So that's the most recent evidence, 50,000 years ago. | ||
| And homo floriensis skeletal materials now dated from 60,000 to 100,000 years ago. | ||
| Stone tools recovered alongside the skeletal remains were from archaeological horizons ranging from 50,000 to 190,000 years ago. | ||
| That's for the stone tools. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| They found quite a few of them. | ||
| You're out shooting these Elks, right, with your bow and arrow, right? | ||
| And let's say you see, well, you see a Bigfoot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You go, hey, I had this psycho comedian on the podcast who believes in Bigfoot. | ||
| And you're going, holy crap, there it is. | ||
| You shooting that thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Why would I do that? | ||
| Because then you proved that it's... | ||
| Because now, if you try to tell the story, people are like, Joe, you saw a bear. | ||
| So what? | ||
| Your sanity. | ||
| I'll be fine. | ||
| You don't shoot it? | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| Why would you shoot? | ||
| Would you kill it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll kill it quick, dude. | |
| What if you only wounded it? | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I think the more likely it's going to go, you piece of shit, and break it off. | ||
| If it is a... | ||
| No, it'd have to be a mythical creature to take a good shot with an arrow. | ||
| I'd try to kill it. | ||
| Shoot that sucker. | ||
| And then tell everybody. | ||
| Like, you guys all said I was wrong. | ||
| Four-cut broadhead. | ||
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
| Look at his face. | ||
| I bring it right here. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| I text you. | ||
| I say I got something I want to show you on the podcast. | ||
| Put his big stupid head here. | ||
| Dude, did you see that guy who killed his dad and said his dad was a traitor and then like put his dad's head on the table? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Was this in America? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, you're kidding. | ||
| Some fucking crazy psycho militia type dude. | ||
| This guy. | ||
| And he looks so out of his mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is he smiling about? | |
| You want to see the video? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they took the video down, but I saved it. | ||
| I'm going to send it to you, Jamie. | ||
| I'll just send you the clip where the guy cuts or shows the head. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| Is the video available? | ||
| I just sent it to you. | ||
| It's disturbing. | ||
| Don't show it on camera. | ||
| But I just want you to see... | ||
| And give me some volume so you can see how casual this fucking guy is about having this guy's head... | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the head of Mike Moon, a federal employee of over 20 years, and my father. | |
| Yikes. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I want to listen to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
that's why I wanted to tell you treason and betray others occupy the lowest pits of hell for all time the federal government of America has declared war on America's citizens and the American states this is a guy who just beheaded his dad as far left woke mobs rampage our once prosperous and Okay, kill it. | |
| I mean, that might be like a Manchurian candidate tank thing. | ||
| China might have like... | ||
| Hypnotize that dude. | ||
| Like that guy looks out of his fucking mind. | ||
| Yeah, and he wrote out a little thing. | ||
| He might be on like a new trial medication. | ||
| He typed up his little speech. | ||
| What he's gonna say. | ||
| I'll use all these buzzwords and then I'll show the head. | ||
| Like that's the fourth take or something. | ||
| His doctor prescribed a new medication called murderous militia. | ||
| Killed his head. | ||
| He held it up like I'm holding one of these little... | ||
| Like a fish. | ||
| See this? | ||
| This is Gary. | ||
| It's like, this is the brisket we're going to cook. | ||
| Here's before I trim it. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| This is dad's head in a plastic bag. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| The thing is, like, how calm he is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| When he's reading his manifesto and talking about, this is my dad, he was a traitor, puts it down, then just goes right back to work. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, that is insane. | ||
| That was interesting to... | ||
| Because, like, I'll read a thing, like, this soccer player came out and beheaded a referee or something like that, and it's always in some sort of place, you know? | ||
| You don't think that it's in, like, Ohio. | ||
| Like... | ||
| That was like a normal bedroom, like you see people Zoom call from. | ||
| What is that guy's background? | ||
| They got him, right? | ||
| He's alive, right? | ||
| That was the mugshot we were looking at. | ||
| That was the mugshot. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He didn't even fight the cops and try to go down with the ship. | ||
| What a crazy world. | ||
| Larged with at least abuse of a corpse amongst other crimes. | ||
| At least abuse of a corpse. | ||
| Amongst other crimes. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| No, my dad was already dead. | ||
| He just cut his head off. | ||
| Imagine if that turns out to be the case. | ||
| Dad died and said, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to get some street cred. | ||
| I'm going to hack his head off and said I killed him and he's a traitor. | ||
| That's possible. | ||
| Weirdest stolen valor ever. | ||
| It's the strangest. | ||
| One time I saw a fist fight in Seattle, Washington at this bar. | ||
| And this kid just jumped up. | ||
| Got this big guy. | ||
| Sucker punch. | ||
| Knocks him out. | ||
| And then fleed. | ||
| Because he realized, oh, I'm going to get in trouble. | ||
| Or maybe someone's going to beat me up. | ||
| And he ran from the cops. | ||
| But we all saw the fight. | ||
| So the police were like, would you recognize him if you saw him? | ||
| I go, yeah, I'd recognize him. | ||
| So they put me in the back of the cop car. | ||
| They were going to drive me around to see if I could spot him. | ||
| But I figured, because I'm in the back of the cop car. | ||
| You know, I look like I'm a badass. | ||
| Whenever we'd drive by girls, I'd put my hands like this and I'd be like kissing at the window. | ||
| And they're like, oh, that guy's nuts! | ||
| Handsome outlaw. | ||
| Stole the valor of the fight kid. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| What a weird... | ||
| That shook me a little bit. | ||
| What is that guy's background, Jamie? | ||
| He also, so they found, the wife called it in, he then drove a hundred miles and broke into a Fort Indiantown Gap base and stole a gun to Pennsylvania National Guard headquarters. | ||
| He was found with a gun, but he didn't resist arrest. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I wonder if this guy, like, do you think he didn't, before that, there was just like, he's just a guy. | ||
| And then he's like, well, cut the head off. | ||
| Now it's time to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Do you think there was things leading up to that? | ||
| Or is that just... | ||
| That's the... | ||
| I would imagine there were signs. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 2016, his college roommate said he thought the government was out to get him. | ||
| Oh, paranoid schizophrenia. | ||
| What do you think the rule is on... | ||
| Or maybe they were out to get him. | ||
| Or maybe they did Manchuria in Canada. | ||
| They were looking at him for a while. | ||
| When I first heard the story, the FBI was looking at him. | ||
| They were looking at him. | ||
| Yeah, we're looking at him. | ||
| Yeah, we're just taking a... | ||
| We're observing him. | ||
| Maybe it's like some new MKUltra project. | ||
| I will say the signs thing, so let's say this kid does this, right? | ||
| And then people go, oh, we looked at his... | ||
| They always do that with serial killers. | ||
| They'll say, look, we looked at his Facebook and there were signs and no one did anything about it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's because people don't want to believe that that's possible. | ||
| Well, also, you don't want to look for it everywhere. | ||
| Maybe the guy's just having a rough week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Maybe he's not going to climb on top of a fucking church tower with a rifle. | ||
| There's a guy who I got banned from the improv in Hollywood. | ||
| And it's because while he was sitting there, he's a lower level comic, so he's not like past... | ||
| It's not like he would be working at the improv. | ||
| But he hangs out at the improv because he wants to be a successful comedian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Excuse me. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I could chalk it up to alcohol. | ||
| I could chalk it up to whatever these excuses are. | ||
| But what he was saying was so problematic. | ||
| The way he was like, you know what? | ||
| It's coming. | ||
| The day is coming. | ||
| And I'll tell you what. | ||
| I've killed before. | ||
| One of these military guys. | ||
| Used to be a military guy. | ||
| And he goes, he's kind of taunting me a little bit. | ||
| Because I went and I was just on the lineup. | ||
| So I'm one of the comedians that he thinks. | ||
| And he goes, you know, and guys like you are worth extra points. | ||
| And I was like, what does that mean? | ||
| And my manager was sitting there listening to it. | ||
| I go, are you threatening me? | ||
| I don't understand what you're doing. | ||
| Because I just want to be friends with everyone. | ||
| Just trying to break bread. | ||
| And he's like, he's like, no, you guys will all see. | ||
| You guys will all see, dude. | ||
| It's all, he's doing this kind of like cryptic, I took it as like, this is a sign. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I told the Hollywood, the next day I called, and I said, hey, you know, maybe you don't have a guy that's bragging about how he's going to shoot up everybody eventually. | ||
| Because you always hear these signs and go, why didn't I do anything? | ||
| Well, the thing about comedy is mental ill people sign up for open mics. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| So I got him banned, and then the girl bartender who works there, who's a great woman, she's really great, she's like, I can't believe you did that. | ||
| He would never hurt a fly. | ||
| I know him really well. | ||
| I go, yeah, but you might be enabling a guy like this until he pops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, we always say, like, why didn't you say anything? | ||
| You know, like, there's signs there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I saw the signs and I told. | ||
| Whereas, like, she's, to this day, she's like, I just can't believe you got it. | ||
| Like, he might not have any other place to go, and he comes here. | ||
| Oh my god, he comes and ruins this place? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here. | |
| Yeah, you don't want him doing that. | ||
| I was like, I was fine with telling on him, and you can't talk like that. | ||
| Even if you're never gonna do anything. | ||
| Was he funny? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, well, there you go. | ||
| Doesn't bother me. | ||
| Probably wasn't going to work out anyway. | ||
| That's probably why he was upset with you. | ||
| Actually, he said that to me. | ||
| He goes, I bet you made everybody laugh. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of the idea. | ||
| He goes, I don't even care if they laugh. | ||
| I don't give a shit about any of that. | ||
| And I was like, that's the whole point. | ||
| Like he was romanticizing about being the guy who doesn't need the crowd to like him. | ||
| And I was like, well, but that is the job. | ||
| I want them to laugh. | ||
| You're in the entertainment business. | ||
| It makes no sense. | ||
| He thinks he's better, more cerebral, because he doesn't get laughs. | ||
| That's what people do when they don't have an option. | ||
| That's the only way they can find any kind of status. | ||
| Their status is that they don't give a fuck. | ||
| It's so tired. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| Of course you give a fuck. | ||
| Also, we don't need people that don't give fucks. | ||
| We want you to give some fucks. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| Powerful to not give a fuck. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It's lazy, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's stupid. | ||
| It's immature. | ||
| It's like what babies do. | ||
| Yeah, you're trying to do something. | ||
| You're involved. | ||
| You're at the place of where it gets performed. | ||
| You're involved. | ||
| You're involved. | ||
| You just suck at it. | ||
| And so you're trying to find some way to sort of make you the more, you know, whatever. | ||
| Virtuous. | ||
| More someone who's like cooler. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's all in a need to be like, we talked about a guy last night that's like, He would treat people terribly, but then when you'd hear him talk about people that he liked, he would say, like, he was a real jerk to me. | ||
| You're like, yeah, see how that made you feel? | ||
| That's what you do to people like you think that that, you know, it makes no sense. | ||
| Well, people are just trapped in their own head. | ||
| Silly. | ||
| So many people are not aware of how other people are perceiving them. | ||
| They're trapped in their own head. | ||
| And they just know what they want. | ||
| And they get upset if other people are getting things. | ||
| It's just so toxic. | ||
| It's so bad for you. | ||
| But I think you can learn that at a pretty young age. | ||
| Yeah, you should learn that. | ||
| Do you know how you feel when people are nice to you? | ||
| That's how they're going to feel if you're nice. | ||
| It's such a child, like kindergarten lesson. | ||
| And these are grown people that you have to go, you should treat people good. | ||
| That's kind of the idea. | ||
| Hey man, they're artists. | ||
| They're artists. | ||
| They're artists, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so good. | |
| You can't be an artist. | ||
| You're too handsome. | ||
| Yeah, you should want them at all to not like you. | ||
| You should be depressed. | ||
| How can we not be depressed? | ||
| No way to live! | ||
| It's no way to live. | ||
| It isn't any way to live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is a powerful statement to just be like, people go, how you doing? | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| And they go, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you mean you're happy? | ||
| Well, that's the really annoying thing about this perception of comedians that we're not supposed to be happy. | ||
| So dumb. | ||
| Like, says who? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| We literally make people happy for a living. | ||
| You shouldn't be enjoying yourself. | ||
| Like, last night hanging around the green room. | ||
| That, to me, is like ultimate playground. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everyone's just having fun and laughing and we're just talking shit and having a good time. | ||
| And the idea that that wouldn't make you happy and then you go on stage and then people laugh, that doesn't make you happy? | ||
| You know what's better? | ||
| It's a lot better than pouring concrete for 10 hours. | ||
| You're at work and we're having fun and talking. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's why podcasts are so huge, by the way. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because it's the green room hang. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Holding court, telling stories. | ||
| Get in on it. | ||
| They listen to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then they get inspired to kind of have those kind of conversations with their friends. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| If you're not around anybody interesting, it sucks. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's like a kind of... | ||
| It's like a social starvation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Part of you just fucking withers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Part of you that likes to have a good time and have fun with cool people. | ||
| Yeah, and it's also like... | ||
| I love the idea that if I say something to my comedy buddies, they know me well enough to go, he's a comedian. | ||
| He's trying to be funny. | ||
| Dude, I say a lot of stinkers. | ||
| There's going to be, in the comments, oh, you see Jeff trying to make Joe laugh right there. | ||
| But Joe knows, I'm just trying to make you laugh. | ||
| Listen, we had no conversation at all about what we were going to talk about. | ||
| Every podcast is like this. | ||
| We just sit down and have a good time. | ||
| Some of them are gonna... | ||
| You take some swings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's kind of how it goes. | ||
| Some are going foul ball. | ||
| Also, I might say something horrific. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it happens. | |
| And you go, yeah, that's what Jeff was just talking. | ||
| That's what talking is. | ||
| Yeah, especially talking and thinking in public out loud. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You bounce it off each other. | ||
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| I remember one time I said something terrible at a woman that was just walking by the car, you know, to my guy friends who aren't comics. | ||
| We were pretty, like, junior college age. | ||
| And my friends were like, what the fuck, dude? | ||
| And I was like, I don't know. | ||
| I thought it'd be funny. | ||
| And they just totally didn't get it, and it was really horrific. | ||
| You tried! | ||
| Yeah, I tried, but I think about that moment a lot now that I'm with comics and I'm in these circles because they would just go, yeah, I know exactly what he's trying to do. | ||
| I did one of those jokes five minutes ago. | ||
| It's like the open mic-er trying the abortion joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, hey, you're not good enough for this yet. | |
| Swing, yeah. | ||
| You gotta learn, and one of the ways you learn is by swinging and missing. | ||
| That's why a lot of comics will say, and I don't, again, won't name names, but they'll be like, I just went in there, I did my set, and I got the fuck out of there. | ||
| Barry Katz used to tell comics to do that. | ||
| Don't hang around. | ||
| You don't want to be in these circles, you know? | ||
| And it's like, well, one, that's how you make friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I love friends. | ||
| And they're the friends that are gonna most relate to your life. | ||
| Yeah, we're doing the same stuff. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And we're cut from the same cloth. | ||
| It's our only group. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| And that's why those comics, if I were to name their names, they don't do podcasts, and they don't go because they've never done the hang part. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They've only done the jokes and the Judy Carter comedy bible of, like, you write this thing. | ||
| So it's like, this job isn't about going up there and then leave. | ||
| It's about the community of stand-up comedy. | ||
| It's about both. | ||
| And part of the enjoyment is the camaraderie. | ||
| That's part of the enjoyment. | ||
| Why would you want less enjoyment? | ||
| Yeah, makes no sense. | ||
| Also, like, that socially, they're the most fun people to hang out with, for me. | ||
| So, like, why would you want to deny yourself of the most fun people to hang out with socially? | ||
| That's why it's a... | ||
| I have to keep going to these meetings and stuff for booze. | ||
| Yeah, for the drinking. | ||
| And I just sit in there going, I gotta listen to these hacks. | ||
| I know some of the funniest people in the world. | ||
| This guy's telling me some stupid stories. | ||
| I'm just listening to stories. | ||
| I'm so judgmental of people's stories. | ||
| Get in, get out. | ||
| There's no punchline here. | ||
| What's the point of this story? | ||
| And he's like, the guy's just gotta... | ||
| He's just trying to... | ||
| He has to share or whatever. | ||
| But then a lot of people go up in front of those things and they learn how to do stand-up because they tell funny stories. | ||
| You know who doesn't tell funny stories, Joe? | ||
| Who? | ||
| The Mothers Against Drunk Driving. | ||
| Talk about a buzzkill, you know? | ||
| These gals. | ||
| I'm just watching them going, oh, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to be on those conversations. | ||
| Bad storytelling. | ||
| Those are bad stories. | ||
| Yeah, but it is. | ||
| It's just like, I've become such a snob about the company, because I get to be around such funny people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that it's like, now I'm having to listen to, you know, a girl I like, friend, talk about, you know, shopping that day or something. | ||
| I'm being irritable about it, like, ugh. | ||
| That's brutal. | ||
| Assault on your attention span. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm just going, I can't hear this. | ||
| Well, you just got to filter those people out of your life. | ||
| Yeah, I try. | ||
| Yeah, as much as you can. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Keep your circle tight, Jeff. | ||
| Sometimes you have to be around them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep your circle tight. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, listen, man, it's been very fun getting to know you, hanging out with you. | ||
| Last night was really fun. | ||
| You were very funny on stage. | ||
| It was a cool hang in the green room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was great. | ||
| I enjoyed talking to you, man. | ||
| So tell everybody, social media, where they can find you, websites. | ||
| Yeah, so all my dates will be on jeffdye.com. | ||
| I literally work every weekend all over. | ||
| So I'm coming to Charlotte, Norfolk, San Antonio, Dallas, Jacksonville, Orlando, Raleigh. | ||
| Never come off the road. | ||
| Every weekend. | ||
| Always on the road. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| If I could do stand-up every night, five times a night, that's what I want. | ||
| So that's all at jeffdye.com. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And then I have a few podcasts. | ||
| One's called Wrestling with Freddie, where me and Freddie Prince Jr. talk about wrestling once a week. | ||
| Pro wrestling? | ||
| It's like UFC, but choreographed, you know? | ||
| Pro wrestling? | ||
| Yeah, pro wrestling. | ||
| And then I have one called Everybody's Got a Price. | ||
| Me and Josh Nelson, we just play a simple game with our guest, like, how much to eat the hottest pepper in the world. | ||
| And then the people that listen can say, I'd pay Joe Rogan whatever. | ||
| They make a pot of money, and then we film you doing whatever the thing is. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And a guest like you, who would be like, I would never do that. | ||
| I have money. | ||
| You can then say... | ||
| I'll put this much in to watch someone do it. | ||
| But anyways, so that's called Everybody's Got a Price, me and Josh Nelson, and then I have a podcast called Jeff Dye's Friendship. | ||
| Oh, dude, you run three podcasts simultaneously? | ||
| Wow, I like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fun. | |
| Go for it. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Alright, thank you very much. | ||
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| Appreciate you. |
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